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sunshine-theseus · 9 months

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Bia | Kyra Cooney-Cross x Reader

Words: 2.8k Summary: you create your own boots and meet the most beautiful girl - sorry I also used this to info dump about the necessity for boots designed specifically for women to lower injury risks Warnings: none i think. lemme know if there are any requested by - @hottiedogs375 i hope you enjoy, it's probably not my best :( definitely not as good as pequeña i think

My family was more of a cricket family than a football one. I wasn’t really fond of either, the shouting was always too much, and the food was somehow sloppy yet rock hard at the same time. Even when we watched at home. The living room would be full of sweaty angry men, sometimes my mum and sister would join if our team was actually doing well. Meanwhile you’d find me in my room at the very back corner of the attic, my room, with headphones on to block out the noise, usually designing something.

Despite the cricket background, I found myself intrigued by the design of women’s football kits. In my design and technology class in year 13, I fell down a research rabbit hole on football boots for women. It was then I discovered the lack of adaptation for the shoe. Women often just wear smaller sizes of boots designed for men, which has been one of the factors in the increase in injuries in the women’s game and I’d decided I wanted to fix that.

That’s how I found myself in front of a crowd, made up of possible brand ambassadors and sponsors, as well as a range of women’s athletes from across the world, pitching my idea.

“And that’s why brands like Bia are important to the growth of women’s football. The shape of the boot, the length of studs, the sole support, they’re all contributing factors to how players perform. When women footballers use the men’s boots, which is basically the only option, they aren’t going to grow used to the details designed for male anatomy. It’s causing stress on not only their feet but every ligament, every bone, every piece of them is suffering because they have to try and adapt to things they can’t possibly adapt to.” I felt like the closing of my speech was rather strong, especially as I watched players and possible sponsors stand to clap. The noise echoes throughout the auditorium and a happiness bubbles within me.

“Thank you for providing me this opportunity. Please, if anyone has any questions.” I gesture to the stand-up microphone in the middle aisle, and people rush to line up.

“What made you intent on creating a boot specifically for women, risking money and time on something people have tried to do before? Something you knew wasn’t guaranteed to work?”

“I know it’s funny, but my family was not a football one, so I didn’t grow up knowing much about the game. But in my a-levels design and technology class, we had to research an issue prevalent in an existing design, and I for some reason was just drawn to the idea that women don’t even get the choice of having a boot made for them. I found it unfair and uncaring. Everyone expects women to play at the same level as men yet won’t provide them with the necessary equipment to do so without them having to risk, quite possibly their career. And I couldn’t just move on after the class, I knew that I had to do something about it. So I’ve spent the past 3 years perfecting the design and building the brand, to be here in front of you all today.” Another round of applause is heard throughout the room before the next person steps up.

She’s a footballer, that I know. Young, no older than 21, my age. And very very pretty.

“This question probably isn’t quite as important as that one but, what made you pick the name Bia? It just seems like an interesting name.” people chuckle at the question, and the (newly discovered) Australian shyly looks around.

“No, I love this question. Bia is the Greek goddess of force and raw energy. She’s actually Nike’s sister, the goddess of victory and very obviously the brand. I think Bia resembles a lot of things within female athletes. They have this driving force and unbelieve power that they bring, and it just felt so right.”

“That’s sick. Can I also quickly ask, sorry, are these boots made for every female athlete? Like can someone in track and field use these or are they just for footballers?” the girl smiles brightly after her question, and I have to remember not to lose focus.

“While the primary focus is obviously footballers, I have researched the compatibility of boots between sports and yes, a professional sprinter like Sharika Jackson can use them just as well as you or Alexia Putellas could. And of course as the brand grows we’ll be able to develop even further and broaden our research further in creating boots fit for anyone.”

Questions carry on for a while, then I disappear behind the curtain that’s suspended behind me, rushing to remove my microphone. Eventually I slide out the side door and reach the separate room booked for ‘mingling’ after the panel.

Between talking to rich people desperate to make it seem like they care about others, and athletes who are very eager to know everything they can about the shoe, I try to keep an eye out for the nameless Australian. Every time I think I’ve spotted her; it seems she disappears. Bodies keep moving and she seems to be one of them.

Then I bump into someone. We both go stumbling but she catches me just before I head for the floor.

“I am so sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going.” And there she was, the girl I’d been looking for.

“No, no need to apologise. I’m Y/n.” I give her a hand to shake.

“Kyra.” There’s a pause before she continues.

“I’m a big fan of your boot. It’s truly incredible.” It’s hard not to blush and sputter out random sounds at her praise.

“Thank you. I’m really hoping this function works out.”

“Well I was thinking, when it does, if you need ‘a face of Bia’…”

“Oh my god yes that would be amazing. Seriously you have no idea how cool that would be.”

We talk for quite some time, and she sticks by my side when someone else comes to talk and ask question. When it’s time to go home we exchange numbers and that’s the first and last time I see her for a while.

5 months later is the next time I see Kyra in person. We’d both been travelling a lot, me for sponsors, ambassadors, and athletes, her for work. I’d expected to meet with her a few more times before we kick started the ‘face of Bia’ photoshoots, but as the fates had it, we found ourselves in a large warehouse, photo equipment, and many boxes of my shoes filling the space.

It suddenly all started to feel very real, and that made me nervous. So I packed myself into a small room in the corner as I tried to calm down, hoping the isolation and quiet would help me feel better.

Not even 2 minutes in, someone is following and taking a seat next to me.

“You right?” the voice is familiar and smooth.

“Yeah, yeah of course I am. It’s not like the biggest thing I’ve ever worked for in my life is basically in its final stage of release in the next room and I’m freaking out about it. What if they aren’t actually good? What if th-”

“I’m going to stop you right there. You sent me a pair 2 months ago, and I told you I would test them before saying anything, and I did just that. I took them to training. Ran on the pitch, walked, kicked the ball, passed, made risky moves. And what did I tell you after that?”

“‘These are the best fucking shoes ever.’ But what if they aren’t?”

“Listen Y/n, how many other athletes, not just me or footballers, did you send a pair to for testing?”

“Like 43. Basically every one that came to the panel plus some more.”

“How many told you they were good?”

“43.”

“Exactly. So we’re going to go out there together, you’re gonna tell the photographer what you want to see, every opinion, every change, anything, and we’re going to finalise your fucking dream.” Kyra picks me up without me even agreeing, and basically carries me out to the set up.

Ali Kreiger, despite her recent retirement, was currently being photographed. She’d been the one to reach out to me when she heard from, someone, and wanted to be an ambassador. I probably screamed so loud my neighbours thought I was getting murdered that day.

“They’re going to want a couple photos of you too probably. Either with the shoes or with one or all of us. Okay?” Kyra rubs a hand up and down my back as I take it all in.

I nod vigorously and try to shake my hands to get rid of the remaining nerves, eventually taking a seat next to the photographer, Eve. She asks for my input on every shot and manages to carry out my vision without fail every single time. As players filter in and out, I begin to truly relax and allow myself to take in the moment.

Zimmorlei Farquharson and Poppy Boltz, two AFLW players for the Brisbane Lions, were being photographed together when Kyra slid into the spare chair next to me. She didn’t say anything but when I looked over, I had to quickly look away again. Her outfit wasn’t something out of the ordinary, a loose cropped top and bike shorts, plus the sage green boots she was promoting. But the strip of skin that was exposed between her shirt and shorts was enticing and it was hard not to stare at the way her muscles contracted every time she moved in the seat.

I’m certain she caught me staring.

As she stands to take over the Australian Football players, Kyra leans over and whispers in my ear. It takes me a moment to process her words and by then she’s already under the lights.

“Good thing we’re taking some pictures. They’ll last longer.” To say I was stumped was a rather big understatement. Was she flirting with me?

I don’t get to think about it too much, Kyra looking my way every time she changed position or began to play around with the ball provided.

Not long after, I’m asked to join all the girls in front of the camera for a few shots. I knew it was coming but my heart still dropped into my stomach, and I choked on my breath. As expected, it’s Kyra who grabs my hand and instructs me to breathe slowly. Her thumb runs over the back of my hand and the motion begins to sooth me.

I take a place in front of the camera and the group of athletes. I’m not quite sure how to stand, but Kyra takes the space behind me, resting an arm over my shoulder and the other around my waist. It forces me to lean back naturally and as the girls around us take a stance, Eve continues to shoot.

“You and Kyra have a lot of chemistry by the looks of it, and she’s who you’re most comfortable with. Use that. Make it natural. The girls around you will adapt.” I expect the comment from Eve, but it’s Ali who puts a hand on my shoulder and reassures me.

With that instruction, and a nod from Eve, Kyra jumps on my back. It’s a pose that helps with showing off the boot and making me laugh. She then jumps off and takes my hands, turning me to face her as she dips. I rush to catch her as she falls, our faces a hair width apart.

Before I can think, I close the gap. My lips press hard against her’s as the camera shutter repeatedly goes off, but I don’t think anything of it. Until I pull away.

I almost drop her once my thoughts catch up to me.

“I am so sorry. What the fuck did I just do?” the rest of the girls had already walked away, so it was just us.

“Nothing you should regret or feel bad for.” Kyra stands right in front of me, our lips basically touching again.

“And maybe you should do it again.” I pause for a moment before leaning back down, kissing her again.

~~~~~

It takes three more weeks for the official brand release. After years of designing, making, spending every cent I had on these boots, Bia was officially the first woman specific sports boot.

Kyra’s first Arsenal game wearing them was the day of the release. She ended up talking about them in post-match interview after being asked “how were you excelling so well in the midfield today?” Not only was Bia’s sale numbers skyrocketing and the media account blowing up, so was my own.

I’d of course attended the match, excited to see them as an officially released boot. Someone had spotted me in the crowd and tweeted about it, talking about ‘the creator of that new boot brand is watching Kyra rep them for the first time live’. Someone else had caught me hugging Kyra on the pitch after the game and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

The rumours could only be expected. They also couldn’t be denied. Not without lying.

“I’m so proud of you.” The smooth Australian accent almost lulls me to sleep as we rest in Kyra’s bed, the sheets hiding our bare skin.

Her fingers trace shapes on my hip as she holds me, and I kiss along her collar bones and neck.

“And also very, very grateful for your genius brain creating those boots. Not only for helping my game play, but for bringing you to me.”

“I’m also grateful for my genius brain bringing us together.” I tease before softly kissing her.

It’d been impossible to escape her charm after our kiss at the photoshoot, so naturally we went on a date. And another, before she asked me to be her girlfriend. Eve sent me those photos just in case we wanted them in the brand release post. They currently sat in my hard drive, but it was very tempting to post a couple.

Kyra wanted a moment of privacy before the world knew, but I knew it didn’t matter whether it was out or a secret, as long as I had her.

A new power couple is on the rise in the world of Women’s Football. Creator of new women’s sports boots brand Bia, Y/n L/n, spotted with girlfriend, Arsenal and Matildas midfielder Kyra Cooney-Cross at a café in North London this morning before the London Derby. The couple confirmed their relationship mere days ago with photos of the lovebirds kissing from L/n’s brand shoot.

I laugh at the article as Kyra pulls into the Emirates parking, hand in mine. I’d become rather acquainted with her teammates and they begged me to come to the London Derby on the weekend. I couldn’t refuse when my girlfriend pulled out the puppy dog eyes and promised to ban me from any sort of affection, specifically kisses, for the week.

“You better win. I have a bet going with Niamh that you’ll beat her and I cannot lose a bet against her again.” Kyra chuckles and leaves with a kiss, sending me into the friends and family section of the stands.

It was nerve wracking going alone, but it was for Kyra and that was all I cared about. Supporting her like she supported me.

Kyra doesn’t start, which had been expected. Despite it, the girls were playing well and were up 3-1 at half-time. No yellow cards for either team had most people shocked though. The derby was known to be rough and physical, yet it seemed things were rather calm for the situation at hand.

There’s a substitute at half-time that puts Kyra back on the pitch. I blow a kiss when she looks my way as she jogs out and she pretends to catch it and place it on her cheek. Both of us are unaware of the interaction being caught on the big screen while people wait for the countdown.

It’s when extra time is announced that everyone in the stadium knows Arsenal have won the game. The Chelsea players look tired and defeated and the Arsenal girls don’t look much different, apart from the massive smiles that grace each one of their faces. The final whistle blows, and the crowd erupts in deafening cheers for the gunners, and I can’t help joining in.

After congratulating the blues on their performance and huddling with her own teammates, Kyra comes running for me. The guard on the other side of the barrier grows wary when I stand, clearly about to jump it, but Kyra gives him the okay and grabs me by the waist, helping me join her on the pitch.

“I’m so fucking proud of you.” I whisper as she stands on her tippy toes.

Her arms wrap tightly around my neck and mine go around her waist as she pulls me in for a kiss. It’s deep and passionate and the crowd around us cheers, some of the girls joining in.

“We’re both kinda killing it aren’t we?” I let out a laugh as she hops on my back, pointing me in the direction of her Matilda’s teammates, even Sam, who are grouped in the middle of the field.

She sprinkles kisses around my face as they talk between each other and I’ve never felt more content.

Fuck cricket, football is the sport for me.

#woso x reader #woso #womens soccer #wsl #woso fanfics #the matildas x reader #the matildas #kyra cooney cross x reader #kyra cooney cross #kyra cooney-cross #kyra cooney-cross x reader

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thechekhov · 8 months

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How often would you say that you draw comics and art while also focus on the other things in life; work, family, etc?

Like, for example, if you had an exact number of minutes, hours, or days of drawing, what is an estimate per day or week? I'm just curious.

Honestly, it's difficult to count since my workweeks tend to vary based on the season but here's a quick example:

I don't work full-time at this point but I do have an hour commute both ways, and because I'm on a salary, I'm sometimes forced to stay overtime, meaning that my entire day is just sleep-eat-work-eat-sleep in that order, with nothing else that really happens that day.

During non-work days, most of my non-work time is..... art-work time!

And by that I mean that if I'm not washing the dishes, running an errand or spacing out, I'm drawing.

When do I play video-games or watch shows? I don't.

When do I spend time with friends? I don't.

Not unless it's specifically scheduled, such as when someone visits from far away. I have about 1 hour of social stuff set aside each week because I participate in a taiko group in the city I work at.

When I count it up, my art stuff ends up being anywhere between 30 -35 hours each work. My part time job is supposed to be 24 hours (not counting the commute), but often ends up going over. And I usually need another 5 hours each week to take care of the back-end office stuff - scheduling posts, managing Patreon, answering asks and planning future stuff.

I will admit I would not be able to do that if it were not for the kindness of my partner, who takes care of most of the cooking and cleaning, and often ends up cooking me things to eat:

I appreciate him and his commitment to keeping me alive very much

Also, just to be clear: I am not pretending that this is not a good work-life balance.

It it just the balance that works for ME, personally. I think most people would find this...less great.

I do not go out for coffees with pals. I do not watch new series, and I do not partake in social events. This is something I am fine with, but I know many other people would find my life incredibly repetitive and boring.

Actually, looking at this math laid out, I am quite disappointed in not being able to accomplish more with the 30 hours I have per week. But...the reality is that aside from running the comic on my Patreon and doing random personal doodling on my main blog, I'm also often trying to do other projects in the background that I don't feel like sharing until their completion.

The reality is, I enjoy this load, though. I make it work for me, and I'm getting to do stuff I like AND make money for myself and my partner! So I'm fine with it. I'm not actually dying from exhaustion.

It's just hilarious when I sometimes get asks going "Hey, have you played that latest 130-hour-long videogame? :)" followed by a swift "I wish you would post comics daily again :((( I want more arrttttt" like kids, you can't have both, I don't know what to tell you.

#chekhov answers

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starlitangels · 1 year

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Some Redacted Characters Playing Phasmophobia Headcanons

For any of y’all who don’t know, Phasmo is a kinda glitchy ghost-hunting horror game where ya gotta gather evidence to figure out what kind of ghost is haunting the “map” go watch someone play it, I think it’s hilarious

I’m not gonna play that game myself but I can watch others play it no problem

Shaw Pack

David straight faces through everything. Never sounds scared over the voice chat

Angel is laughing right next to him because he does have a death grip on their leg

Asher never turns his radio off so everyone can hear him at all times

Is also 100% fearless and knows all the background lore hints by heart

He still screams if he gets got by the ghost though

Milo. Yelps. At. Everything. And jumps

Like seriously if Asher puts something down too close to Milo, he will jump

Sweetheart is sitting nearby laughing their head off

Darlin’ plays with their mic muted unless absolutely necessary so their packmates don’t hear them yelp when something startles them

However they are also very efficient and ridiculously lucky when it comes to hiding and surviving hunts. Even better than Asher and he’s totally not bitter about it

That said Darlin’s not afraid to let the ghost get them in order to mess with the others by leading the ghost right to the boys

Milo’s totally not holding a grudge over it

The mates also have nights where they play together but Sam is kinda grumbly so his mic and controls are co-piloted by Darlin’

When the mates play together Angel always charges in headfirst, bold as brass, and ends up somehow doing most of the work and not dying even when their sanity stat plummets. They ignore almost all of David’s advice sitting next to them because they’re better at the game than he is

But they also scream and jump a lot more (most of it for show to entertain their friends who always get a good laugh out of it)

Despite being almost as good as Asher, Baaabe almost always gets got by the ghost first

Usually because the ghost was chasing Sweetheart and true to their Stealth nature even in a video game, they broke its line of sight and hid and the ghost caught sight of Babe

Sam is usually… there. When it’s Mates Night Game Night he stays in the van/truck. Darlin’ is the loudest backseat gamer

—

Solaire Clan

Darlin’ drags Sam into this game

Vincent loves this game

Lovely takes a long time to come around on it because being hunted in the dark by an unseen force kinda reminds them of Adam

Sam doesn’t know how literally anything works to the point where Darlin’ and Vincent tease that he’s refusing to remember what all the items do on purpose. Vincent calls him an old man and Sam shoots back that Vincent was literally born one year after him and just turned younger and to shut his damn mouth

Which of course makes Vincent laugh harder

Lovely eventually tentatively starts playing the game because of how much Vincent is laughing with Sam and Darlin’

And over time Lovely gets really good at it. A lot of it seems like dumb luck but no. They’re just good

—

D.A.M.N. Fam

First of all, the four-person multiplayer limit means Gavin/Freelancer and Huxley/Damien take turns and eventually Lasko and his Water Elemental I presume

Sometimes Damien and Huxley are both on the game and Gav/Freelancer swap, sometimes vice versa, etc.

Lasko screams at everything at first, but as he slowly learns the game he actually becomes the best at recognizing the patterns of each ghost type’s quirks

Damien tries so hard to get good at the game and never seem scared but Huxley’s laughter over the mic always clues the others into when Damien got spooked by something

Huxley jumps occasionally but usually just does whatever Lasko instructs him to do with a “sure thing bro” and his usual chill attitude

Although when he does jump there is always an audible thump over his microphone of his knees hitting his desk

Gavin and Freelancer honestly spend the whole game night messing with each other. Trying to jumpscare one another

Or Gavin is pretending to try to seduce the ghost and the lewd noises he makes while talking to the ghost with the spirit box with the radio on totally don’t make Lasko turn as red as a tomato

To their credit, Freelancer does try on their turn. It’s not their fault they get super focused and then Gavin putting a hand on their shoulder to ask if they want a snack makes them shriek much to the amusement of their friends

Lasko’s Water Elemental is even more chill than Huxley and played this game for ages before meeting the group and does their own thing but always to the benefit of the group. Rarely uses the voice chat for more than a few words announcing their intentions. “Power has been turned on.”—“Freezing temperatures confirmed in the upstairs back bedroom. That’s where the ghost is.”—“The ghost is hunting.”—“Okay. Hunt’s over.”

Freelancer and Gavin refuse to show this game to Caelum

Freelancer occasionally announces a false hunt to freak out the others—and almost always a real hunt starts right as they admit they were messing around and they’re the first to get got

If Freelancer isn’t down first it’s Huxley, who will purposely draw the ghost’s attention to protect his friends

That said the whole group usually survives the whole expedition each round once they get good at it

—

Misc. Bois

Aaron doesn’t play but Smartass does. Aaron becomes a decent backseat driver for lore

Elliott and Sunshine actively sabotage each other and mess around more than they pay attention. They still get everything done correctly anyway

Starlight plays occasionally and Avior never does but he will watch and he is the absolute best pattern recognizer and the best backseat gamer

Guy loves this game to pieces. Sometimes it makes Honey jump. They do play with him a lot but Guy is better at it

Ollie is the Actual Best at this game but no matter how much he plays it and “Gits Gud” as it were, he still gets spooked. His partner will play but not necessarily understand everything they’re supposed to be doing

The Project Meridian bois don’t have time to play right now. Please leave a message and they’ll call you right back

Geordi gets so easily spooked by the noises but he loves the game anyway. When things are happy and fine Cutie gets a kick out of listening to his frantic thoughts

Morgan can’t See his own future so the mystery of what’s going to happen is quite enjoyable because it’s the opposite of meeting new people and immediately knowing them better than they know themselves by Seeing their entire future

Blake can See his own future so the game isn’t fun and he knows what it’s going to be every time

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isthe-protag-cluelesstho · 2 months

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Okay, probably not a hot take, but imma scribble about it anyway,

I honestly think Cale Hetinuse/Kim Rok Soo has chronic pain/fatigue.

Like, everybody loves the whole coughing up blood/wet meow meow thing he's always doing, but personally? People who are that nonchalant about Shit Happening To Their Body, are typically people who are waaaaay too used to Fucked Up Shit Happening To Their Body,

It's just a head canon, but as someone who is chronically in pain, I absolutely do some of the stupid shit CH/KRS does, like carrying stuff I should NOT be carrying, or continuing to Do Things even when I should be sitting and resting. I also know several people who (like me) can be experiencing level 4-5 pain and not show a hint on their face/through their actions besides maaaaybe moving a bit slower/stretching more

And we know KRS has been on his own since he was itty bitty... And then he grew up in a world hell bent on killing everyone. I can't help but think that a tiny child with no one to help him with the general cuts/bruises/little hurts of childhood would 1) have zero frame of reference for what "okay" actually looks like 2) probably has never really received medical care beyond emergency assistance (which does jack for chronic conditions) and 3) has NEVER really had someone in his life long enough for them to catch his way of coping with pain (my very close friends can hear when I'm hurting/tired, everyone else only notices if I am visibly incapacitated)

So, Kim Rok Soo ends up in a world/body that "technically" hasn't experienced his life, HOWEVER fibromyalgia and PTSD are like goddamn pb&j. It's a condition that is deeply tied to a body's stress response. And what does Cale say once he has the Heart? "I feel BETTER"

And that just speaks to me of a person who is so used to pain, that it no longer really registers... I had daily headaches for 7 years, it wasn't until I moved and got a new primary that I found out that more than 4 headaches in a month was considered a concern... I got on some migraine meds and actually stopped having that daily headache, something id just accepted as "how my body works" gone,

I personally don't consider pain at a 1-2 as particularly bothersome, it's more like a general annoyance. Onces it's up to 6-7 it's hard for me to move, and yet I often will still do so, despite the pain. It's only at 9-10 so I stop moving entirely and focus on just weathering it. Usually when that happens, I sleep so much after as my body tries to recover.

And when I read Cale, so casually continuing forward, despite the work he takes on himself, after the constant planning and prepping and ass kicking, all I see is a person who has lived so long with his body's suffering that it's just background noise. Yeah, he coughed up some blood, but the pain is back to "normal" so how can he raise a fuss? He killed 3 monsters with a dislocated shoulder that one time, this? This is easy. And despite claiming his body is weak, he refuses to truly accept the help and rest he needs because (like I used to) Cale thinks "this is just how my body works"

Sometimes, I cannot remember how I lived prior to my pain. Sometimes, I cannot imagine a world where I do not spend half the night attempting to force my muscles to relax, so I can actually sleep. I cannot imagine a world where I am able to do everything I want in a day and not collapse at the end. And I see so much of myself in how Cale continues to move despite the weight of the ancient powers, the expectations of the gods and his own personal hopes. He seems like a character doomed to continue walking, his bones broken but refusing the care because whats the point if everything still hurts the same way in the end?

Anyway, Raon should invent a cure for chronic illness and force Cale into a year long sabbatical

#trash of the count's family #lout of the count’s family #cale henituse #kim rok soo #listen okay #i am at the grocery store cafe sitting trying to recover enough to grab my 5 things and drive home #i am exhausted enough that i think i may end up in bed the minute i walk back inside my house #never have i wanted more to be able to teleport #and thus I began thinking about The Blorbo and realized... shit i am being kinda stupid #and it IS okay for me to just ficking go home and get stuff another day #i dont have to try and cram 15 things into one thing #one thing is plenty #and thus i felt like rambling about said blorbo as encouragement #but very seriously as a chronic illness girlie CH/KRS is One Of Us #i have declared him a spoonie who is in massive denial and i will not be taking any questions #load that boy down with whatever ails you #he probably has it #eventually i will expound on my Han Yoojin's leg is still fucked up but he's hiding it essay #however rn is goal: get fucking home time

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fallershipping · 4 months

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I've been seeing myself rant and be angry far too often for my liking recently. I gotta tone it down by a lot and tackle the insecurity part of it.

When I started out this blog, Looker x Anabel was for certain a rarepair. Not sure what you'd call it now since I've given it so much love and art, but there are times when I swirling thoughts of insecurity. Nothing more than just pesky pests, but maybe just enough flying around to cloud my vision so I don't see the forest for the trees.

I think I just feel like my works, and perhaps by extension myself, the sort of odd one out. My artwork starting this blog out wasn't quite as polished as my preference for my modern work and I felt jealous of some other people in the Pokemon Interpol fandom pumping out gorgeous pieces. Stuff with great anatomy and great style. When I focus on that, I struggle to accept my own style, my own handle on human anatomy, my own grasp on color and background and why can't these people look as good as this person's work?

It's all internal, when I truly abstract it. I feel bad for once or twice I've seen my OTP or art referred to as 'boring' or 'annoyingly everywhere' or 'forced het garbage.' It does upset me so much that something that can bring me intense joy and comfort can the complete opposite for someone else, and that my actions could make someone else upset. I don't think anyone does but we have to live with it right? Fuck I'm actually crying as I type this.

Sometimes I can't help but feel lonely in the fandom. Like I'm just "that one person who ships these two for some reason," when they much rather see the characters with someone else or some other characters drawn or just anything else. I get lost in my thoughts questioning if my own tastes and passions aren't good enough, when they're just mine and that's all they're supposed to be. That my art is too flat compared to this person, too unfinished, too empty.

It's funny to think that I got attached to a ship of effectively two castaways. Two people with a very rare and hard to ever understand backstory-- torn from their homes, their home dimensions, having floated through space.

And all they ever wanted was a friend who knew how they felt when it seemed like the world didn't understand. Someone to rely on when everything hurts, when you feel like you lost yourself.

It's important to me. And when it is perverted or misunderstood or written off as something I do not stand for ... I guess it hurts. I guess it just hurts, just like everyone else.

addendum: it is probably a very personal thing for me that it's not just shipwise but i always felt like i was the odd one out growing up. i had niche interests, a lot of kids thought i was weird, I didn't fit in with girls and i didn't quite fit in with boys, such and such. i guess it manifests into my passions and it builds over time when i feel like i am just kinda alone.

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darcytaylor · 3 months

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I don’t know why but I feel like Luke has lost himself a little in the chaos of being the leading man, and the worldwide tour. I can only speak for myself but I have ADHD like me, and a lot of chaos going on around me sends me on a disruptive path.

This is pure speculation as obviously I don’t know, and never will, but it just feels like Colin’s storyline ie, having a glow up, and travelling has also become very like Luke’s. He knew he was going to be the lead, so started making changes - eating better and investing in a stylist. Along the way he splits up with a long time partner, and I can only speak for myself here, but I not too long ago split with my partner of 6 years, and I’ve needed drastic change in my life. Again this echos what’s been happening imo.

I can only compare, but I do remember seeing people going mad for Corey and India during the press run for Queen Charlotte. I do remember the former saying in an interview that he had a girlfriend, perhaps at the end of the run where he could say things? It just seemed then that he was putting firm boundaries and the speculation was becoming too much for him and India, I do remember comments of them looking distant and purposely standing apart, and the hate he received for bringing her along to a Netflix event in Brazil.

Luke and Nicola had six months of this, and no one will ever know what truly went on, but from the outside looking in it seemed that they were really supporting each other and getting on. This is where the speculation reaches fever pitch - they were very touchy feeling with each other, and would often hold hand. Luke sometimes even seeking Nic out and grabbing her hand to calm his nerves (he says he suffers with anxiety) it’s sweet that they can calm each other down. Nicola does seem like the more confident of the two. All this is happening whilst in the background he has a girlfriend, great. I wish them well, but it’s all sneaky. She attends some events low key - the New York premiere. I do wonder if he wants to be open, keep it private or he’s advised to by Netflix. I don’t think the streamer can actually make them keep them quiet? Corey being open about his relationship says not?

Now I don’t agree with the timing of the hard launch, that’s my problem and not his. I do agree with fans saying that the timing is not good, he could have waited and it gone down so much better. I do feel like it’s slightly disrespectful to Nic, who carried that promo tour imo. People vibed more with him than her. I sincerely hope it was his choice to go public, and it was not forced. I know she was in Milan with him, but it does feel strange that her Mum was with them; your daughter hasn’t seen her boyfriend for a while, and you tag along with them? Feels a little strange to me. Maybe that’s just me, and add in the unconfirmed rumours that the Mum liked fatshaming comments about Nic.

I’m certainly not one to hate on another women for simply being in a relationship, and I really don’t like that side of the fandom that has come out. Regardless, I hope that Luke (and Nicola) keep their feet on the ground, and have people around them who keep them on a healthy and productive path in life.

Thank you for your detailed message!

I do think that it would be hard to navigate the onslaught of fame that Luke would be going through, and some people are able to handle it better than others (Nicola being amazing at it). You can tell that Luke struggles with the fame and knowing what to do and what to say.

I do think he made a lot of mistakes in regards to his relationship and how the whole thing transpired (which really kicked off on New Years). But I will give him a bit of grace since he may not have realized the impact his season of Bridgerton was going to have on people.

It is very funny all of the parallels that can be seen in regards to Colin and Luke, I really wonder if he has admitted that to himself or has even realized?

This may be a hot take, and while I enjoyed Queen Charlotte, I didn't love it. I also didn't follow any of the promotion in regards to Corey and India.

I have said it here before, but I never thought that Luke and Nicola were anything other than friends. You can clearly see the bond that they share, and I can understand why people thing they are more. While I thought their handholding was adorable and you can see the comfort that it gives Luke (and even Nicola), it never occurred to me that they were dating because of that.

I have been working for many years, and I have insanely close relationships with coworkers. Coworkers understand a part of you that nobody ever will! And then to top that off with them having to do intimacy scenes, I can understand why they share a bond (that nobody will probably understand).

The paparazzi pictures on the premier night were terribly timed. It wasn't a good look and I completely understand why there was so much outrage. Then adding fuel to the fire with Milan. I guess they thought that since they were spotted once and it was out in the public, lets just lean into it. Definitely the wrong move! (again another mistake in regards to how they have handled their entire relationship!).

#luke newton #bridgerton

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ungrateful-cyborg-moved · 2 months

Text

Enough time has passed that I can share my opinion about Dawntrail now. It's a potentially unpopular point of view at times so uh... beware? Idk, people have very strong feelings about stuff sometimes xD

At the very least, beware of spoilers.

Overall I liked the story. Liked it a lot more that Endwalker despite a few things that bothered me. The first half is the most solid to me, because the second half has too much incoherent stuff going on for my taste.

But first thing first. I'm really happy with how well they made us care for all those new people and this giant country. Once or twice, I wished they wouldn't insist on how diverse it is I must say, because while it's nice as a marketing point, it gets old after a while. I have eyes and ears, after all. I can see that for myself.

Wuk Lamat left me cold when we first met her. I was a bit worried about accompanying her at first because she's a character archetype I don't like that much, but she quickly grew on me through the expansion, and I love her now. I do think, however, that the voice acting didn't always match the energy of the scenes (in English. According to friends who use the French dub, it's not an issue in French). Since it also happened once or twice with Koana, I'm gonna assume it's due to how they were directed, but it took me out of the story on occasions.

I really really wish they'd stop with the world threatening shit though. They did it for Endwalker. Fine. Logic even, it was the end of a 10 years old story. Then they did it again with the patches, when really saving the dragon should have been motivation enough. Then they had to do it once more in the second half of Dawntrail, this time threatening the Source AND the reflections. Frankly, it feels cheap and unimaginative, I'm a bit disappointed and worried about what comes in future expansions if they can't find other reasons for us to fight. For a game that keeps insisting that doing the right thing is what matters, they certainly don't like making it our main reason to fight.

The Mamool Ja story bothers me. They survived for centuries on eating bananas apparently and there's no sign of deficiencies so clearly they're adapted to their environment? And if not, nothing stopped them from cutting down trees to make space for the sun? Idk the fact that they spent centuries down there but need a foreigner to teach them how to live well rubs me wrong.

Solution 9 looks dope, though. Loved meeting Otis and Gulool Ja. For Sphene, I understand why they kept Wuk Lamat as the focus, but it felt like a missed occasion to teach her that wanting the happiness of her people and actually bringing it are two different things. Instead, it felt like listening to a teenager telling you that fixing the world is easy when they have no idea what's even wrong with it. In character, perhaps, but frustrating when you have so much more practical experience.

Not to mention that Sphene's issues with the weight of expectations echoe nicely with the weight of the WoL's mantle, and we didn't even get to pipe in to try to connect with her. Or with Zoraal Ja, for that matter.

The twins were entirely unnecessary. Them joining us felt forced and nothing in the expansion made me change my mind. They have nothing to do here except stealing potential lines from the WoL to say out loud the most obvious thing like it's deep. I love them both, but they should have stayed in Garlemald. It's not like the Garleans give a fuck about how the rest of the world deal with their shit anyway, and they visited enough places already. Tural gave them nothing they weren't already aware of.

Erenville got many hugs from my WoL, idc that the MSQ won't make it canon.

I'm still indifferent to Krile, but the Scions didn't grow on me before ShB so I'm giving her time. Still, I would've liked it better if instead of the twins, we'd had her and G'raha with us instead. You know, the guy with actual ruling experience of people from diverse backgrounds.

Slightly disappointed we didn't get to fight Thancred and Urianger tbh. That would have been fun XD

The whole time shenanigans hurt my brain in the second part. Like, if 30 years passed in just a few days for us then they shouldn't have had time to prepare Tuliyollal's defense. The dragons intervening was cool but there were better ways to make it happen without mysteriously forgetting that time flows differently inside the dome. Unless I missed something to explain why very conveniently it aligns now?

I liked the last zone. Gpose bait lmao I found it sadder that Ultima Thule tbh. Though, uh... we were in a hurry. Now wasn't the time to talk to every dead people we met.

Also I don't think it'll happen since he seems to have joined the guards, but I want Bakool Ja Ja to travel with us and Erenville for a while xD

Overall, I really liked it don't get me wrong. Aside from Thancred and Urianger, I don't think any Scion was truly useful however (not even Krile). This was my main problem with the time stuff, but I suppose they're not ready to let them go just yet.

And the graphical update makes me want to travel through all the areas and take screenshots until my hard drive can't take it anymore x)

#FFXIV #dawntrail spoilers #ffxiv spoilers #7.0 spoilers

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netherworldpost · 6 months

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Dearest Mx. Atticus Q. Redghost,

I was looking through old photos for an in-joke I half remember and found this classic Evil Supply Co gem from back in my "I like it I save it" days (circa 2010s). Still applicable. Much love and congrats on the Everything, You're Doing Amazing Always.

R. Fox

The Ghost Librarian

I remember drawing it.

I remember the late nights spent worrying and fussing. I remember designing it, packing it when it was ordered. "Why purple? Because I love it. Not black, no, something brighter, pink? no, pink for the highlights" to myself.

Early card. One of Evil Supply Co.'s earliest.

Thank you for this memory.

Thank you for being here.

Sometimes I think "it is incredible we are allowed to exist," and then I remember, paradoxically,

there are so minimal actual rules (mostly governing taxes -- what rules are left boil down to "ensure you have cash to keep going")

but there are, of course, rules: Gatekeepers, the complexity of tax codes, the raw fact that no matter how strong the protective shields technology provides, the raw operations of a small business is difficult.

I'm the magician

performing a magic trick

and the audience.

If you have a moment? a ramble

At once this is all carefully planned and orchestrated and budgeted with safeguards and controls when things go wrong, and a swamp of chaos and trial and error and testing and "oh wait OH WAIT ah ha? AH HA"

When I was... 6, 7, 8... somewhere around that age, very young, Not Having A Great Go At Things for Reasons, I was at a mall. No clue what why we were there, the family and I. It was two levels, upstairs, downstairs.

We were on the top level, at the head of the escalator, about to go down. I'm peering forward to see what comes next.

Elvira.

Thick as dreams (the image), thin as a shipping box (the cardboard standee, she was not there in person). Halloween store. It was late September, maybe early October.

Halloween pop-up store.

Costumes. Plastic smell. Cheesy decorations. Fake blood, rubber tombstones, pitchforks-red on black staffs that could be swapped out for any number of axes or other faux, practically harmless, weapons.

Everything cheap. Priced to go. Sale-price-upon-entry-to-inventory.

Celebrate the season.

However you saw it.

Started connecting the dots, Elvira. Vincent Price. Creature Feature movies on Saturday. Frankenstein's monster ordering Dunkin' Donuts via grumbling growl.

Scooby-Doo, of course, a thread in the background, looping it all together.

Become who you are, not what others force you to be. Don't know who you are? Let's find out, no worries at all.

I owe my life

hauntingly literally in a many ways

to such things.

Places. Shows. Movies, actors, cartoons, decorations, candies, celebrations, masks, books, it all. Legends, myths, vernacularization of Old Things into New Things.

Magic trick.

I am the magician, I am also the audience at the same time, performing on the greatest stage. I owe everything to the powers of orange and black and green and purple and white.

Haven't even gotten to the mail parts, laugh.

Long enough ramble. It's 5:22 AM.

Cheers and thank you for this space. From the depths of my heart.

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maukiki1-but-cringefail · 4 months

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YGESSSSS. NEW BSB ENJOYER FOUND. who is your favorite character if i may ask... i have like atleast 5 but kai is at the top i think. sometimes i think about this image and i'm like "my god what the fuck even is that". one of the guys of all time

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT” LMFAOOO no because thats exactly what my friend said when they saw yuriy KEDBJSBSGWJW. What is. Wrong with his eyebrows....looking like a creature…a bug with antannae perhaps….

BUT MY FAVORITE IS MAX‼️‼️‼️hes been my fav ever since i started watching it love him… my second favorite is kai probably though LOL. I can tell hes one of those fan favorite characters right🤔usually characters like him are… not a bad thing just an observation lol. Metal fight beyblade was the beyblade show i had known my entire life and was a big fan of so i wanted to see the other beyblade shows with it and for some reason i watched beyblade burst before bakuten shoot ????? Yeah that 7 season show i only liked the very first season of… the rest was so boring and for some reason i forced myself to watch it by using it as background noise😭

idk why i didnt give up and watch bakuten instead, took me too long lmfao. Th reason why i mentioned metal fight is that since i knew that show my entire life i had certain expectations on certain type of characters (ik bakuten came first but metal couldve been influenced by it and it was bcs there are similarities lol) (i mean king [from bakuten] looks almost identical to dynamis [from mfb] <- thats just one example) so i thought, while i was watching season 1, Kai Hiwatari was gonna be like Kyouya Tategami where hes with the team yes but doesnt see himself as a part of it and is there for himself only bcs hes a loner or whatever but then that thing at the end of the season happened he became a part of the team and the didnt have random unnecessary off screen character regression like kyouya did in the next 2 seasons (and also isnt an asshole abt it like when he left temporarily to battle takao in g revulotion he wasnt like “fuck you dumbass” like kyouya did basically 😭😭)….

That was so refreshing to see bcs thats not what i was expecting and thank god it exceeded my expectations 😭 thats why i keep saying kai is kyouya done right bcs he kinda is…. Though i find it funny when hes just standing in the background w his arms crossed or laying on the grass like damn bro wants to be cool so bad (not as cool as the frame of rei kon absolutely BALLING)

Said max is my favorite and talked about kai the entire time LOL no but he’s my fav i love that guy EXCEPT. the fact that. He likes mayonnaise… idgaf if its ur style mayonnaise is disgusting im disappointed in you max…..

I also like Yuriy who also seems to be a fan favorite from what ive seen which i expected but i like him in a way like, hes so funny to me. Bro walkin around with bug antannae and the worst posture youve ever seen. Why is he built like that. Fucking thing. Also big fan of the weird ass sht he does in g revulotion when doing special moves hes got CLAWS hell yeah. No bcs no one elses looks like dat when they do it⬇️ as a certified creature fan i can proudly confirm this, indeed, is one of the creature moments of all time.

⬆️i remember seeing this frame before watching the show and thinking what could possibly be the context behind this LMFAO . Shoutout to Rei kon for also being a creature big fan of the pointy ears and slit orange eyes (v force when i catch you v force)

I dont know peoples opinions of daichi but he seems like the type of character ppl might hate for being annoying but i like him bcs he reminds me of me and my brother when we were little (im the younger sibling) bcs every interaction between takao and daichi reminded me of us LMFAO 10/10 sibling dynamic (better than takaos actual brotha😬)

N lemme see if i have any kai screenies i took cauze i took a sht tonna screenshots

I was gonna capriin thwm but idk how to write inbetween them so im typing them here

First pic - already has a caption

Second pic - ths shit makes me laugh everytime im so glad people are not hesitant to resort to violence in this saga

Third pic - V force jumpscare

Fourth pic - what is he listening to . Do you guys think Kai Hiwatari would like Yuno Miles

Fifth pic - one…..one piece…..

Sixth pic - they forgot to colour teh pack of his hair lol

Seventh pic - no need for a caption. What is that

Last pic - he. Smirks like an animal. Idk how to explain it but, he smiles like how an animal or an ailen trying to do it for the first time would do it

I will read the manga soon i have physical copies of the first 4 volumes and ill find the rest on the net bcs bakuten media is so much easier to find that mfb is THANK GOD. I will also be looking up shitty 13 yr old amv s and yall better have sum real 2011 sht

#beyblade #bakuten shoot beyblade #bakuten shoot #beyblade bakuten shoot #g revulotion #beyblade g revulotion #g revulotion beyblade #v force beyblade #v force #beyblade v force #bsb #kai hiwatari #max mizuhara #max tate #yuriy ivanov #tala valkov

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yonezawacastle · 9 months

Text

brittle (1/?)

Pairing(s): background Masamune/MC (here named Aya)

This is an excerpt from an unfinished fic I wrote purely for myself, in which the Oshu family adds a tiny new member, thanks to an injudicious act of compassion by Masamune. Things...don't go smoothly.

I've never liked my own writing. I am trying to be less of a perfectionist in the coming year, however, so forcing myself to finally put something longer than a sentence or two out there is part of my commitment to that. Anyway.

-----

The girl’s name means stop.

This fact bothers Masamune sometimes, when he’s sifting through his papers, and finds the word among the plans and correspondence. The girl’s name is written only in hiragana --とめ -- but the implication of the name, the character that crosses his desk every so often and never fails to stop him, is plain as day given the girl's personal history.

The character 止 carries no trace of softness. It is stiff and unyielding lines, the rightmost stroke an arm stretched in prohibition. Unwanted. Forbidden. No.

It suggests an unwished child, and Masamune knows all about being unwished.

After all, his eyes are much like her own.

“It’s actually a common enough name,” Aya tells him one night in his annex kitchen, his wife's back to him as she chops vegetables for their dinner. “A lot of families will call their daughter that, if they don’t want any more children. Especially if they have one too many mouths to feed.”

But Tome had been born to a samurai family.

_________

In one sense, he must admit, the girl’s name is suitable.

Tome is a brittle, sticklike figure, her bones sharp and prominent in places where Aya insists there ought to be a peachy softness. There is a faintly skeletal quality to the six-year-old, something wholly insubstantial, and sometimes Masamune feels that if he breathes too hard, she might blow away.

The greatest stiffness, though, is in the way she regards them, in the fragile quiet that suggests she is all too used to being shattered.

Watchful, Kojuro calls her. Both men know this is a polite gloss on afraid.

(“We rescued her, Masa,” Shigezane says to him once. “Even if we had to make her a hostage to do it.” Masamune watches the uneasy set of the girl’s shoulders beneath Aya’s hands and wonders if they’d rescued her from anything.)

These first months have made him awkward and clumsy. Masamune has never loved his own body, and now he feels there is too much of it altogether: standing near the girl feels more like looming, and on the vanishingly rare occasions that Tome finds the courage to reach for him, one of his hands easily swallows both of hers.

“Bend down when you talk to her,” hisses Shigezane in his ear. “Kids like it when you get on their level.”

He has felt less menacing on the battlefield.

#my fics #slbp masamune #slbp kojuro #slbp mc #slbp shigezane #oc: inaba tome #slbp #samurai love ballad party

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steppingonyourshadow · 7 months

Text

Complete Q&A from GQ February 2024

On acting

GQ: When did you decide you wanted to be an actor?

XZ: When the public began to pay more and more attention to me, I thought, why not me? I feel like I can do it.

Sometimes I'd waver and think, it's so difficult, why can't I do it properly? For example, with dialogue. Why isn't my delivery good enough, why can't I compete with others? Just because I'm a Southerner? I doubt it. Then I'd think, how can I improve? I can do it, let's just try.

GQ: In your opinion, what is the professional standard required of an actor?

XZ: Firstly, you have to master the craft. This is inescapable, you might not be from a professionally trained background, but you have to have the ability. That's what I want to achieve, and it's also what I'm currently working on. I'm not there yet, there's still some way to go.

After that, attitude is very important, as is whether you're passionate about it. Only seeing it as a job is entirely different from really being in love with it. If you only see it as a job, you might not be able to take it very far. But if you're passionate about it, it'll make you cry, and laugh, and may become the force that allows you to carry on.

And a strong physique (laughs), when I was in my twenties it was fine, now if I do an all-nighter I get really tired. That's the terrible truth. Being physically strong is really important, that's your foundation.

GQ: Which part or show made you feel you had earned approval?

XZ: The earliest was during The Wolf, I was under a lot of pressure then, my acting coach gave me lots of suggestions and guidance, and every single day I'd end up changing the way I did it. I was lost. After getting through that, I realised I'd grown from the experience, and was gradually getting the hang of it, and from then on I've gone on bit by bit. It's a cumulative process.

I feel like I haven't done enough, compared to some of my seniors. When they were in their 30s they already had tons of credits. I still don't have enough work out, I haven't accumulated enough.

GQ: Do you feel a sense of urgency?

XZ: Yeah, because I think (improvement) is a process of accumulation. It's impossible to make a giant leap with one show, that's unlikely for me. So I have to keep acting nonstop, but they have to be high quality works, rather than just wasting myself.

GQ: What were the considerations behind having three shows broadcast in 2023 that ranged from guzhuang to period drama to contemporary urban drama?

XZ: Actually there wasn't much consideration, it happened naturally. I don't deliberately avoid genres I've already done, it all depends on the script. Whatever script I get given, if I'm drawn to it, I'll choose it, it's just a coincidence that it was all material I hadn't done before.

GQ: Would you get tired of doing guzhuang all the time?

XZ: Guzhuang has many sub-genres. There's no real distinction between guzhuang and modern dramas - it's just putting on a wig and a different set of clothes, the core is the same, the only difference is the outer layer.

GQ: Do you follow your shows as they air?

XZ: Not on a daily basis, but I do watch. I'll pick out the scenes I particularly care about and pay special attention to those, as a way of critiquing my own work.

GQ: Do you have the audience commentary on?

XZ: I used to, it was fun to laugh along with everyone else, but these days I won't.

GQ: What kind of role do you want to play now?

XZ: If I can choose, of course I'd love to try something I haven't done yet. I need a sense of novelty - if you had to do the same thing every day, you'd get sick of it too.

GQ: What kind of actor do you want to be?

XZ: The kind that the audience likes.

GQ: Haven't you already achieved "being liked"?

XZ: No, no, not nearly enough. I thought about whether I wanted to be the kind of actor known for their unique characteristics, or one that an audience is instantly drawn to. At the moment I want to be an actor the audience is fond of. They might not be fans of yours, or even feel very positive toward you, but when they know you have a show on, they think, maybe I should check it out, his shows are all pretty good. That’s what I want, that’s my current goal. Whether I can reach the level of the actors I admire, that’s a long road, I’m going to take my time.

GQ: Who are the actors you like?

XZ: There are many, for example Zhou Xun has always been an actor I really like. I watched her most recent movie (Across the Furious Sea), it's brilliant.

GQ: What career plans do you have for 2024?

On life

XZ: Make more shows, work with more good people, that’s the current goal. I’m not thinking about the rest right now.

GQ: Does social media noise bother you?

XZ: It doesn't. If I still let it get to me after all this time, what kind of life would I live? (laughs) It's really not a big deal. So long as I'm clear about what I'm doing, it's fine. Every time you make a choice, you have to have a clear understanding of what you're doing, what you have to give up, and what you want to achieve. So it's fine. It's probably more of a bother for my crew.

GQ: Has it not affected your private life?

XZ: I live an extremely normal life. I can go for a bike ride or a walk. When you're on the street, no one actually cares who you are. It's really not like you imagine, I can walk around freely.

GQ: Is this kind of time an escape for you?

XZ: More a time to relax. Why would I need to escape? I live in this world too, where would I escape to? This is my life, I live it just the same as everyone else. There are so many things I really want to do, like take the crowded subway, wander around a mall, like I used to when I was a student. Maybe I will.

GQ: Do you miss the life of an ordinary person?

On personality

XZ: I don't miss it. I just think that's what I should do, being grounded. I really will get on a crowded subway car, maybe tomorrow, that's just normal. I used to do it every day. There's really not much I can't do. What are you going to do if you see me? We'd say hi and then be on our way. I just don't want to create disturbances, make trouble, or cause any negative repercussions.

GQ: You haven't been on any variety shows the past few years. Was that a deliberate choice?

XZ: It's because I'm not a good fit for it. With my personality, variety shows are too much. I'd constantly be trying to take care of everyone else's feelings, it would be really tiring. Since I know that's what it would be like, it's better not to do it at all.

GQ: What did you initially enter the industry for?

XZ: Honestly, I stumbled my way in totally inexplicably with no idea of what I was doing. I used to watch interviews with contestants who had placed high on survival shows, and they'd ask, how did you get here? The contestant would say, I came to the audition to keep my friend company, but my friend didn't get through and I did. When I was a kid, that kind of thing seemed very far away, but it really happened to me. Pretty wild. I entered a survival show, and now we're here. That's it. Life really is very strange and marvelous.

GQ: What's something about the industry you couldn't have thought of?

XZ: Not being able to eat whatever I want is really cruel. When I saw that one of my high school classmates had a kid already and had let themselves go a bit, I'd sigh - I want to eat freely like that too. Their lives make me think that if I hadn't chosen this road back then, maybe I'd be the same, constantly having to attend work functions, pulling all-nighters to get designs done. You can't imagine how rough it is in the graphic design industry, but that's just life, there's nothing to be done about it.

GQ: How has choosing this path changed you?

XZ: I probably have a lot less life experience. My classmates have all far surpassed me in this respect. All their experiences are of actual events, with no cameras on them, no lights, just their real life.

GQ: Are you an emotionally stable person?

XZ: Re-la-ti-ve-ly stable. But I become very unstable when something impacts my bottom line.

GQ: Like what?

XZ: That is...I can't say, haha. Like when something inexplicable happens, I'd feel like, what are you doing? Or when something a normal person wouldn't do happens, I'd get really pissed. Like privacy issues. Once it breaches my bottom line, I go nuts. Everyone has their own boundaries. Some people don't have a good sense of propriety, and I stay far away from them. But if someone pushes against my boundaries over and over and it violates my bottom line, I get very angry.

GQ: You once said that you have a very staunch side. What were you referring to?

XZ: Principle. I'm a very stubborn person, if I insist on something, if I think it's right, then it's very hard to convince me otherwise.

For example, I want to be an actor. I don't want to do anything other than acting. If you try to force me, then let’s have the debate. There’s no such thing as right and wrong, my crew are only looking out for me, isn’t it positive to have so much work? But for me, I need to simplify my life. Because there are some things I definitely don’t want.

GQ: Do you have a perfectionist side?

XZ: I just want to do it well, to the best of my ability. Maybe the result won't be ideal, but what's to be done about that? I can only do that much.

GQ: Can you accept failure?

XZ: I can. A few years ago, maybe I couldn't. But the 32 year old Xiao Zhan has learned to accept it (laugh).

#Xiao Zhan #text translations

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jsprnt · 1 year

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Healing Hearts PT.5 | Virgil van Dijk

Would a fresh start bring you more than just a new job?

C/W: nightmares, sleep paralysis, anxiety

WC: 3.515

Summary: Y/N L/N is a very skilled and praised physiotherapist. A certain event pushing her for a fresh start, as a physiotherapist for Liverpool FC. One question always being in the back of her mind: Will she be able to let go of her past and allow herself to experience new things?

She's yelling at me again, I stare at her. Just hoping she'll eventually get tired and stop talking. I take a deep breath, exhaling while leaning against the kitchen counter as she keeps on ranting. I glance around surprised, I'm back home?

"You should've stayed with him y/n! He was perfect for you, for us!" She shouts, while washing the dishes, seemingly very annoyed.

"Mom- we've had this conversation before. You know what he did- you don't feel bad for me?!"

I try to speak calmly, but my frustration gets the best of me as I raise my voice gradually.

"That doesn't matter! His mom's company and ours are in the same industry, you couldn't have sucked it all up, so we could merge when you got married to him?!"

I mumble a few cuss words under my breath, always the same shit. I loved my mother, but she could actually suggest the craziest things sometimes. How could she think the business opportunity was more important than my happiness?

I open my mouth again, trying to force words out of frustration out. I try to speak, but no noise comes out of my throat. Like my vocal cords got paralyzed in a few seconds. I grab onto my neck, my expression turning panicked. Looking at my mother for help, but she's staring, blankly. The look in her eyes sends a shiver down my spine.

The corners of my vision turn black, a fuzzy feeling washing over me.

I'm in my own apartment again, was I dreaming?

There it's staring at me, in the corner of the room. It's eyes piercing at me. It feels like it's going to pounce at me any second, a dark energy surrounding me. Fear filling my body.

I try to raise my head, but it's like my body is fighting against me, it feels like a hundred bricks are weighing down on my chest. I try to scream for it to leave, to get out. No words leave my lips, my thoughts racing wildly.

"No, go away! Leave, please!"

I squeeze my eyes shut, praying to whomever for me to wake up from this nightmare.

I gasp for air, my body finally gaining some autonomy back as I throw myself onto the floor out of panic. I was on the couch?

I groan, the hardwood floor is cold as my body is sprawled on the unwelcoming ground. I pick my body up from the floor, looking around trying to blink away my sleep. I realize my cheeks were wet from tears, I try wipe them away quickly.

I notice my bag and shoes scattered on the floor, my phone on the coffee table. The TV blaring today’s news as I had turned it on for some background noise in the house. I must've immediately fallen asleep on the couch after I came home from the training center. Too tired due to the sleepless nights I had this past week.

I check the time, deciding to eat something and to go outside to get groceries. I could lay in my bed every single day of my life if I could, but I had to at least try to do something active. Just to find a way to stay sane.

I grab my keys, shutting my door behind me as I go down. I put in my earphones, blasting my current favorite song.

The weather in Liverpool was surprisingly nice. Not too hot thankfully. I walk along my neighborhood, walking in and out of the shops greeting the staff of the shops I would regularly visit.

I walk into my apartment building again, two bags of groceries in my hands. I sing along to the song playing in my ear, trying to find some solace even on my worst days.

I walk into the elevator, pressing the button going up the highest floor. The two minutes ride is quiet, the elevator goes up smoothly, the doors sliding open. But, I'm confused by what greets me.

It's a child? Maybe around two to three years old. Whose kid escaped their apartment? I drop my groceries on the floor, squatting down to get on the child's level.

"Hey, honey. What are you doing here alone?"

My voice is gentle, looking around to see if a frantic parent is in the hallway.

The child giggles at me, her eyes twinkling as she spots a pack of gummies in my grocery bag. I grab it handing the pack to her. Trying to coax her to telling me where her parent was.

She starts waddling down the hall, I follow after her hoping she'll lead me to her home.

She stops in front of a door, it's a little further down mine. I knock twice, holding onto the toddlers hand.

The door swings open, revealing a very frantic looking women. Her eyes dart at me, then down to the toddler. She yells words of relief, picking up the child.

"Bella, baby where were you? I looked away for two minutes and you were gone!" She cradles her toddler, muttering concerned words. I notice her accent is not one from here, it's sounded almost American.

She looks at me, a smile replacing her panicked expression. She seemed young, maybe around my age?

She leans towards me, engulfing me in a grateful hug. "Thank you so much for bringing her back home."

"Oh no it's fine, I just was concerned since she was alone in front of the elevator."

We exchange some more words, followed by her inviting me in for coffee. I hesitate at first, but then remember I haven't even met most of my neighbors yet. I can at least try to get to know them. I put my groceries into apartment before walking back to my neighbor's place.

We both sit on her couch comfortably, the view in her apartment being similar to mine. I learn that her name is Sofia, she lives here with her toddler and her boyfriend. They had moved here for work apparently, her boyfriend being from Liverpool originally.

Our conversation flows nicely, it felt like catching up with a close friend. I hadn't felt this feeling in a long time. The FaceTime calls with my girls didn't feel the same as in person conversations.

I leave her apartment two hours and a new friend later...

I walk into the team bus, my bag slung around my shoulder. Eyes glued to my messages. Monet had finally gone on a date with the bartender guy. They had apparently hit it off immediately. The group chat had been blowing up since this morning, us wanting to know every single detail of their date.

My eyes dart back up around me, realizing I was one of the first in the bus. I walk down bus aisle deciding to sit all the way in the back. I chuckle to myself quietly, remembering how I would always run sit to at the back of the bus in high school.

I plop down in my seat, leaning back to see everyone else enter the bus slowly. The match today was against New Castle, the guys not being too worried since they had won against them most of the time. Sadly, Ibo had to be out of this one due to a hamstring injury, but we had estimated he'd be back in a couple of weeks.

"Can I sit here?" I look up realizing is Cody.

"Oh yeah of course, you want the window seat?"

He nods, giving me a smile. I make way for him to sit, observing the bus to see everyone else walk in seeing Joel and Virgil take the seats in the aisle next to us. The guys are given a small talk, before we finally depart, it was a three-hour ride after all.

My phone buzzed in my lap, the noise making me pause my conversation with Cody.

I giggle at the message Liz had sent. She had asked if Monet's relationship was a free booze membership for herself from now on.

"Who are you texting?" I look to my right, a smile still on my face. A curious Virgil is looking back at me, almost falling off his seat to see my phone.

I turn my phone screen, placing it on my chest and letting out a fake gasp.

"You're really nosy, you know that?" I state, turning my head back to look at Cody.

"Is he always like this?" I joke, knowing he'd play along. Our joke is played for around five minutes before we both burst out in laughter as Virgil looked a little annoyed.

"I was texting my girlfriends back home, are you happy with knowing who I'm texting hm?" I retort. He clears his throat and I can't help but notice a small smirk he is trying to fight back, his lips twitching as he tries to cover it up with running a finger on his lips.

I shake off the situation, turning back to Cody to continue our conversation before it was interrupted, again.

I notice the guys in front of the bus filming a TikTok, laughing at their banter as they tease each other.

I notice they are walking up to Cody and move my body slightly so can they film him.

I watch as he starts talking about reading a book to be occupied during the bus ride. I muffle a laugh as I hear the other guys yell about how smart he is.

I turn my head to look at the others filming a TikTok catching Virgil staring at me for a split-second. I avert my gaze, checking the notifications on my phone.

"You have Instagram?" I hear Cody look up from his book. "Of course I do, why?" This leads to the guys eavesdropping, leading to my phone buzzing with follow requests, they were definitely quick with it.

The bus finally arrives at St. James' Park after three hours, staff exits first. I grab my heavy bag, slinging it around my arm. I look around, hearing some New Castle fans booing our team. Football, it really gets the most grown men act like absolute children.

The match doesn't start the best way possible, with Trent receiving a yellow card for throwing the ball away after getting fouled. He literally slides off the pitch, making the Liverpool supporters go crazy, it did look like it hurt, but he seems to be alright.

A couple minutes later New Castle manages to score after Antony Gordon succeeds in getting past our defenders, the stadium erupting in cheers, setting Liverpool back 0-1 twenty-five minutes in.

Then New Castle gets their foot on the ball again, going into full attack mode, the ball is passed to Gordon again with Virgil right behind him and boom, Virgil making him fall straight on to the grass as his leg gets caught in Gordon's. I stand up from my chair in the medical room, arms folded due to nerves.

And thats a red. I see Virgil stand there in disbelief, I mutter some cuss words under my breath as I see the Liverpool players and Klopp try to change the referees mind. Though, their efforts seem to be in vain as Virgil starts visibly getting angry. Klopp trying to get him of the pitch and through the tunnel, before he gets even more furious.

I crack open my door, seeing him walk towards the locker rooms, he looks absolutely pissed. I leave him to cool off for now, before I go up him.

I watch Luis get subbed of for Joe, hopefully Liverpool will still manage to win with one man down.

I walk out of the medical room five minutes before half time. Knocking on the locking room door, as I wait for him to tell me to enter.

He yells a quick "come in" before I pull down the door handle. I'm greeted by a- shirtless Virgil, he raises his eyebrows in surprise.

"y/n?" I clear my throat, it's not like I hadn't seen him shirtless before during quick check ups in my office or in the gym, but this felt a little- different.

I walk up to him, sitting next to him. "Hey, just wanted to check on you. You're okay right? Any discomfort or pain?" He nods his head as if trying to reassure me. "I'm fine doctor, just a little mad right now." I give him an awkward smile. "Oh yeah- you did look really mad." We chuckle amongst each other, my hands reaching up the pat his shoulder. "You'll be fine. Trust me the guys will win this." I give him a wink before standing up to leave, feeling his eyes linger on me. Half time break would start any minute and I had wait for Dr. Woods and Davis in the medical room.

Half time break finishes, players were fine and Klopp gave them a good pep talk before they went out to the pitch again. I cross my fingers as I watch the screen in the medical room. My intense focus is interrupted my a knock in my door, yelling a "yes" as the door opens revealing Virgil, now dressed in black training clothes.

"Can I sit with you? Locker room is lonely." I laugh at his remark before urging him to sit next to me. We continue watching the match, discussing it as we go.

Darwin is finally subbed in, and before we new it he passes the New Castle defenders. Scoring a beautiful goal.

We stand up from our seats, jumping in happiness as he grabs onto my wrist happily, cheering. We settle down finally, one more goal, and we would win this.

As the 90 minutes start ticking an extra five minutes of time is added, making us both sit on the edge of our seats. Then the ball is passed to Darwin in the same manner again, we gasp, this might be it.

Of course the ball lands in the left corner of the goal. We jump up again, Virgil’s tall frame engulfing me in a suffocating hug as we both bounce from happiness. "Told you they'd win!" I yell, he doesn't pull back, as we stand there to witness the players celebrating. I clear my throat, motioning him to let go. What if someone walked in and got the wrong idea? "I will continue to trust you words y/n." He makes a funny motion, causing a laugh to leave my lips.

The game ends as we both walk back to greet the players, Virgil greeting them playfully.

They freshen up, and we walk back to the team buses.

I walk into the garage, my hands a little clammy as I grip onto my bag, since the last time I didn't have the best experience walking out alone.

"You alright?" I turn back to see Virg behind me a concerned expression on his face. "I'm fine." I say, focusing back on getting into the bus.

I sit in the back again, Virgil sitting next to me as I try to get comfortable in my seat. I watch everyone get into the bus, leaving as the ride home would get us back quite late.

I put in my earphones, the days events and my sleepless nights making me feel exhausted. I lean my head back, sighing and before I knew it I was out cold.

I'm awoken by someone shaking my shoulder slightly, my head leaning on something. I stir, opening my eyes the see Virgil looking at me softly. I rub my eyes, realizing we're back at the training center.

"You slept really nice huh? My shoulder hurts due to your head." I give him a sheepish smile, muttering a 'sorry' before we both get out of the bus.

I bid everyone goodbye as I walk up to my car. Sighing as I try to wake up fully before I start my car to drive. I'm startled by a knock on my window, jumping slightly before turning to look at the person with a bewildered expression. Of course, it had to be Virgil again, he laughs at my face motioning for me to lower my window.

I start my car and press on the window button, lowering the window fully, before turning my car off again. "What is it?" He tells me to calm down before he asks me if I'm okay. I look at him questionably. "Why are you asking me?"

"You looked a little out of it, you're okay right?"

He asks, a concerned expression on his face.

"I'm fine, I promise. I'll see you tomorrow yeah? Get some rest." He stares at me for a second before wishing me a goodnight. I smile waving as he leaves. Turning on the radio as I drive back home a couple minutes later.

I'm sitting with the guys in the canteen as we're all eating lunch. They've been discussing yesterdays game since the morning with a lot of enthusiasm. Everyone still praising Darwin for his performance.

He tries to downplay it, trying to tell everyone it was a team effort. I stop him immediately, pulling out my phone to show him an edit I stumbled across on my phone. "Look, they call it a Darwin Núñez masterclass." I say, trying to speak my best Spanish possible.

He watches my screen intently, before giving me a shy but happy smile. Making the table erupt in praises again as they take a peek at the edit.

"You know these edits are fun to watch!" One of them says as they start talking about fan edits. "They do give me an ego boost, can't lie." I snort at Trent's comment, trying cover it up with a cough. "What? Can't do that now?"

I hold myself back from laughing again, reassuring his love for edits. "You can I'm sorry. Enjoy watching your edits as you please."

I'm sat in my office chair, humming a song as I update the progress reports. I sigh, these will always be exhausting to update one by one.

I check the time, ten more minutes till I'm off. I hurry up a little making sure every detail is typed in neatly and clearly. A knock taking me out of my concentration as I save the reports.

"Come in!" I yell, packing my bag as the door is opened. I look up, it's Virgil. Damn, we had been seeing each other a lot lately.

"What's up?" I ask raising a brow. "Nothing just wanted to ask something. "What is it?"

I grab my jacket holding it against my arm as I grab my bag as well. Walking up to him, and looking up at him. "Do you remember when I promised you dinner when I hurt your nose?"

My eyes flicker into his, right he did promise that. "Yeah, I do why?" Is he asking me out right now?

"I thought you could come over to mines tomorrow, for dinner. I wanted to take you out but you know I didn't want you to be harassed by people recognizing me-" I ponder for a second before agreeing. "What time?" I ask. "At seven. Is that alright?" I nod at him as he bids me goodbye and leaves my office. Was this a date? No- he's making it up to me. That's it.

I get home, freshening up and making dinner before I call my girlfriends. I had to ask them what they thought. I call them, positioning my phone against a flower vase as I take a bite of my food.

"He wants you sooo bad, trust me. You know I'm an expert at this." Priya yells into her phone, I watch her expression intently. "She right y/n, guys don't do stuff like this to girls they don't fancy." Jul chimes in. I sigh, opening my mouth to speak. "He said he's just making up it to me though? How could it be anything else?"

"Sweet sweet y/n, don't act innocent we know you like him too~" I hear Monet say. A blush spreads on my cheeks at her words, trying to suppress the urge to laugh nervously for some reason. "No no no, I don't like him come onnn-" they start teasing me before Liz interrupts. "It's at his house, so what will you wear?"

I freeze mid bite, my eyes widening slightly. "I haven't thought of that yet." I swallow my food down as they urge me to show them my options. I place my dishes in the dishwasher before walking over to my closet, pulling out potential options as they force me to put on and model every single one, acting like they were on Americas next top model.

We all end up agreeing on a simple casual dress, it was in his house so no need to get fully dressed up. Besides, it isn't even a date!!

I jump into my bed and for the first time in a while I manage to drift off to sleep peacefully.

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