#formal was so fucking fun and i am so fucking exhausted

[capyclub]

goob night

[tardis--dreams]

I should be finishing my the devil judge rewatch but here i am being sucked into my 7th time of beyond evil and there's nothing i can do about it

[sturn3]

i lowkey really got out of hand, girl... i'm sorry, i can re-do it if you'd like!!! (btw im not really sorry, im kinda proud of the smut i wrote) tw: not proofread cause im kinda lazy rn

matt's girlfriend was the sweetest angel anyone had ever met. always putting everyone's needs before her own. never wanting to disappoint anyone and she just had a very motherly nature, needing to take care of everyone around her.

so, that translated that she was a pathological people pleaser. taking up extra shifts at her work, always saying yes to her boss even though she didn't want to do something he suggested, giving her coworkers rides home, baking them the cookies she once brought to work and everyone continuesly asked for, giving rides to her coworkers and so much more.

her natural instinct of saying yes to everything to please everyone left her exhausted all the time. so, when she did have free time all she'd do is nap, that would be the case, of course, if no one of her friends called her to hang out or have her do some kind of chore. matt had finally had enough of missing his girlfriend so much and never having any time with her. and that's when he decided to intervene.

firstly, he decided to mix up her white laundry with a piece of red clothing, painting all of her formal clothes and cute lingerie, pink. you moved on and said, "That's fine, sweetie. everyone makes mistakes." matt had to work harder to pull out the beast he knew you were hiding.

secondly, he started messing up all of your orders. putting onion and peppers in every order, two vegetables you hated passionately.you did show a little more aggression towards that, but you picked the disgusting veggies off and made no deal about it.

thirdly, matt thought this was his best shot at getting out the worst version of you. you were currently enjoying a party at full swing, everyone was having fun and drinking. you were with your girlfriends a few feet away from where you had last left matt. what you had failed to realize yet was that matt had some added companion from the last time you looked over to him. a girl glued to his side. at that moment ,you didn't think you'd ever been angrier. matt tried to hide his smirk as he saw you stalking over to him with crossed arms over your chest. when you got there, you tapped the girl aggressively on her shoulder, causing her to turn around and give you a look as if you were the one interrupting something. she suddenly spoke, "what do you want?" she said as her big brown eyes bored over your figure,"for you to stop talking to my boyfriend." you said as you pushed her out of the way and grabbed matt by his hand.

you had to managed to get away from the crowded house party and inside his parked car."can you tell me why the fuck that bitch was on you like that? you fucking bored of me or something?" you said as you slapped down his neck, matt couldn't help but smile wickedly. "maybe." he replied testing you even more, he knew he was playing with fire. "maybe, huh?? i'll fucking show you how boring i am, matt. get in the back and strip." he knew not to piss you off more so that's what he did. finally, you climed to the backseat right after he had obeyed and done everything you had asked him to.

"so, you think you're funny, matt, yeah? you think i'm such a people pleasure who would let you fuck some random dumb whore?" oh my god, did he love seeing this side of you. he made a mental note to piss you more often. he was getting a bit too excited while you were sat on top of his lap and quite literally could feel his dick stood up against your thigh. "no, no that's not what i was trying to do. i love you, baby." you laughed bitterly at that, grabbing him by his face and pulling his lips close enough to yours, touching but never kissing, "well, i think you deserve a lesson, baby." you said mocking him. so you got to work. you were currently on your knees on the floor of his car, leaving kisses on the length of his dick and occasional "kitten" licks on his tip. taking your sweet time teasing him and making it more painful each moment you passed without doing anything further. the growns you'd hear of him, making your core drip to the carpet of his car, due to your lack of underwear. whenever he'd to push your head so you could take him further into your mouth, you'd shake your head and shot him a disapproving look and he'd quickly let go. after a while of teasing him, you decided to fully take him in your mouth. he almost came when your warm mouth came into contact with his dick. your movements slow and steady. keeping him guessing your next movement. he knew not to try you, either. but when you felt his dick twitch in your mouth, you decided it was time to let go. you had brought him to such point of overstimulation and overwhelm that he could feel tears spill from his eyes. sat perched up on his lap with your legs spread, your skirt so shirt, giving him a view of your pantie-less pussy, he wanted to cry. so, when you finally leaned in to kiss him, he sighed in relief. your lips moving so hungrily against each other, his kiss so bruising. you could feel his hands grab the bottom of your tight crop top and pull it off your head. hands immediately going to grab at your breasts, meanwhile kissing and sucking your collarbones. then, he went down to suck your nipples, paying equal attention to both of them, his hands dropping to play with you clit. your pornographic moans filling the silence of his car. when you pulled his hands away to replace them with his dick he was gone for. he came almost immediately, as expected. but that didn't stop you. you weren't gonna stop if you didn't get to cum. so you eagerly moved on his dick trying to reach your high. your breasts jumping up and down on his face, a sight he wishes he could see every waking second of his life. that fueled him to thrust up inside you, not being able to resist but play with your tits once more. kissing and sucking. "you're so perfect, baby. no one could compare to you, my love." he said as he pulled from your tits and looking up at you with a lust filled gaze. both of you came to a high eventually. completely spent from your actions. "you love this side of me, don't you?" you accused matt, he couldn't help but let out the biggest smile "mhm yeah really turns me on how crazy you can get.", "oh, is that so?" "yes, i love my sweet kind girlfriend but baby you need to let out more the insane girl only i get to see."

[beebeetheclown]

Happy F*cking Birthday

Jeryd Mencken x fem!reader Headcanon

So.. I’m horny and have been struggling to write a Mencken one shot, I put the two problems together and bam! I have created this💀 I hope I did okay?? I don’t do head canons often and am used to writing for Kendall but.. enjoy!😉😋

Tags: f/m, Jeryd Mencken x reader, smut

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~🖤~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

★ You were known as Mencken’s mistress in society. Photographers and writers would often put you in their works to write about some drama scheme to sell their articles faster, people loved the drama and schemes. Some people hated you, others admired you. You told yourself that the ones that hated you were just jealous of you and wished they had what you had. It wasn’t narcissism in your eyes, you were just confident. Men like Jeryd Mencken loved confident women.

★ Your relationship with Jeryd wasn’t a normal relationship. Sometimes, the two of you would sleep with other people. You’d occasionally get angry with him for sleeping with another girl even though you slept with other men, Kendall Roy being one of them. You would hit him in the arm or even sometimes give him a slap across the face when you heard that he slept with someone else, but doing so only turned you both on. Every time the two of you would argue about something like sleeping with someone else, you would end up having sex until you were both too exhausted to go any longer.

★ Jeryd liked to think that he was a very powerful man and always made sure that you knew that it was true. He’d tell you that none of the other pathetic men you would sleep with could fuck you better than he could. Sometimes when he would tell you this, you would push his buttons just so you could get him to fuck you harder.

★ Jeryd had first started to see you when he met you at some get-together that you were forced to attend. The two of you only lasted about ten minutes of small talk before he took you into a separate room. From the small talk, he could already tell how catty you were and he liked that about you, he loved to be challenged and put catty women in their place. He was seeing someone at the time of this get-together but he gave you his number after the two of you fucked. Later, you both went back out to the group of people and acted like nothing happened, not speaking to each other for the rest of the party.

★ The truth was, you knew he was right about everything, how no other man could fuck you like he did. Some could take you over the edge but Jeryd made your vision go blurry. You never used any kind of toy or had ever been tied up, it was always just casual but causal didn’t mean gentle. He praised you sometimes but it was mostly his degrades that made you crazy for him.

★ Whenever you were out together and there were photographers snapping pictures, you never cared to act innocent, you gave them what they wanted because it entertained you. You would wear skimpy outfits for the cameras just for fun. You’d flirt with guys when Jeryd was right by your side just to get him annoyed.

★ When his birthday came, he didn’t have a huge party, it was a dinner party which you did not attend. You knew he must have been at the dinner party between five and six p.m. and you knew it would be a formal thing, so you thought it would be funny to send him a photo. You sent a photo to him of you in your baby-pink bra, it was his favourite bra. He saw the picture when he was at dinner and he smirked to himself, he knew the game you were playing.

★ Two hours after the dinner party when everyone left, he didn’t want to give in so easily, but his hard on made him give up on the game and he called you, you picked up right away,

“Happy Birthday Mr. President.” You say in the teasing tone you knew he loved.

“Was that picture my birthday present, or do I get something more?”

“Ungrateful are we?”

“No, I am not ungrateful. I’m just wondering if that’s all I get.”

“Well, what else would you like?”

“Why don’t you come over and give me what I want.”

“I would, but I actually have another gift for you here.”

“Oh yeah? And what would that be?”

“That would be spoiling the surprise.”

★ When he was on his way to your house, you stripped out of your clothes and got a roll of wrapping paper and measured it by putting it around your body. You cut the wrapping paper with your measurements and wrapped it around your body then wrapped a ribbon around your waist and tied it in the front so the paper stayed wrapped around your figure. To top it off, you put a bow on the top of your head. When he arrived at the door, you had to walk so carefully so the paper wouldn’t rip.

★ His eyes immediately lit up when he looked down at you and saw you in nothing but wrapping paper,

“Well, what do I have here?” He asked with a grin.

“It’s your present.”

“And since you're my present, does that mean I get to do what I want with you?”

“I think you’ll have to unwrap the gift first, silly.”

He closed the door behind him and backed you into a wall. He took the bow off your head first before he brought his fingers down to start tearing the paper apart. He tore the top half first, making your chest exposed to him. He kissed your breast before getting the bottom half off. He untied the ribbon so slowly and when the ribbon was in his hands, the paper fell to the ground.

★ Without a word, he grabbed your shoulders and spun you around so that you would be facing the wall. He told you to put your hands on the wall and you did so. You just looked straight ahead at the grey wall until the colour changed to a red, he was putting the ribbon over your eyes, using it as a blindfold. You didn’t ask him any questions and just listened to him undress. You were breathing so heavily now, your breath and the sound of his belt clattering were the only sounds that filled the room. After a few seconds, he spun you around again, quickly and harshly,

“It’s my fucking birthday, say it.”

You couldn’t see him, but you could feel his hot breath on your lips,

“It’s your birthday Mr. Mencken.” You whisper back.

“Yes, that’s right. It’s my birthday and you're my birthday gift.”

“And what is your birthday wish Mr. Mencken?”

“My birthday wish is to have you how I want you, no excuses.”

★ As you couldn’t see, you didn’t know what his next move would be. You didn’t know if he would get down on his knees for you, didn’t know if he’d pick you up and take you to the bed, you had no choice but to wait for what was to come next. He picked your one leg up to wrap it around his hip and he began to fuck you against the wall. With his first thrust, you already felt as if you were going to lose your balance and fall over. You breathed out his name as he continued to rock his hips into you; you seriously needed for him to put you down on the bed or couch as your one leg that was keeping you up was already shaking. He only stopped his movements when he knew that you were close to the edge. He pulled out just before you could cum.

★ Leaving the ribbon over your eyes, he picked you up and walked you towards the couch and set you down. He was too eager and impatient to make it to the bedroom. He spread your legs and began to fuck you again. His hips meeting your skin along with the noises coming from your mouth were the only sounds that could be heard echoing through the house. The windows were open, meaning that the neighbours or anyone who was outside could hear, but that didn’t stop you from calling out his name. You wanted the people to hear what Jeryd Mencken could do to you.

★ You finished together, you finished around him and he spilled inside you. He only took the ribbon off your eyes when he had gotten dressed again, teasing you and not letting you see him exposed. When the ribbon did come off your eyes, he looked at you deeply, “Thank you for my present, I enjoyed it. When do I get another one?”

“Christmas.”

“That’s too far away.”

“A good gentleman has patience.”

[twstedforyou]

toooo everyone askin if im alright i went to the hospital for a whiel aprpently but i literally cant rememrber anyuthing and everytime i ask people arouns me they allo cant remmerber but thats propabyl beacuse were a household of rellrllly rlylry rly lr ylrly rold peeps like 60s 70s level and out ELDEDST 9not my big sis theres two of them alien rememrbe_ and whatevr they work at is super exhausting n inapaprently so they always come home superpsupeurpsure tire d too and be careful its about to get WACKK FROM HERE ON ccchehck youselr f before you wereck youself BUCKOS STAY SAFE DONT DO WEIRD DRUGS OR LET YOUR BLIND AS SHIT ALSO PRPPOLY A LIL LOOPY TIRED OLD POPS GIVE YOU DRUGS WHEN HE BARELY SPeAKS ENGLISH UNLEsss ITS HALLMAKR CARD PERFEVT HOW MANY DOCTORS DID YOU FINDNND WHAT AM I TAKIN WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW JACK SHIT WHERE DID WE PUT ANYTYHIIIIN IN THIS HOUSE ITS SO FUCKIN COLD IN ERHER MY HANDA ARE SHAKIN AND BRUNIN AND GOD SMITE ME WHERE I STHAND AT THIS POINT IF I BIT E THE DUST PUT MY ASHES ON PAAPER AND SEND IT TO THAT BOWLCUT TSPIN SHIT IF I DREW YOU SOMETHING KEEP IT ITS YOURS I HOPE IT MAKES YOU HAPPY cauSE THEY MAKE ME HAPPY EAT ELL WELL GO OUTSEIDE HAVE FUN GO BUCK WILD THIS IS MY FORMAL LEGALS WRITtEN WORD DO YOU KNOW MNAY REPOSTS AND SPEACCHES AND PLOTLITCS AND NEWS AND SCINCE NSFKL ANDMEDICINEINF IVE HAD TO WRITE AND TYPEW AND ORAGICNE N KLADJLJLADKJ I I MADE THIS FOR THE FUCKING PEOPL AND THE PEAPLE DEMANDA IT JUST FUCKING GO FOR IT I WANNA SEE IT LET THIS BE MY CURSED LEGACY WASH IT CLAEN BABBYYY JST DO ITTTTTTTTTTTT WRITE OR DRAW IT I AINT FUCKIN STOPPIN OYOU ANYMORE IT SYOURS

BUT ALSO IM GOONNA BR DRAWIN AND WRITING IT WE CAN COMPARE NOTES OR WAHTER ILL SEE YALL IN HELL IM GOING BACK IN THE HOEL THE DITVCH WONDER:AND WIXARD OF OZ NARNIA INTOT HE FUCKING DIFERS OGT AHT GINAT VOALCANO WHYA RE WE ALSO WATCHING SHOWS OF PEOPLE KICKIN THE BUCKET ANYWAS IM OUT PEACE LOVE YALL STAY SAFE WATCH OUT FOR OLD PEPOPLEIF IM ATILL KCIKK IN ILL REPOST BACK MAYBE PRETTY SURE ILL FOEGET AGAIN BUT HELL YEAH IM STILL HERE

[northwest-cryptid]

The sheer amount of times I have heard someone go "oh me oh same yea that's me!" about some depressed person or thing; only to then turn around and be the least understanding person in the room when it comes to someone else having symptoms of depression is honestly staggering.

I feel like "depression" has just become this funny little word we throw around that no one understands to the point where if you're ACTUALLY depressed it's aggravating to hear. Because you exhibit one minor symptom of depression and it's this whole thing about how annoying you are or how you're no fun to be around or whatever but then the second it's some quirky cute thing to "be depressed" in an anime or tv show or game; you hear all these people say "oh lol that's so me!" No it's not, it's fucking not dude.

Yea I understand "everyone experiences different things with the same problems" and while that's true, you also gotta remember:

We have clinical definitions of these things because there are ENOUGH symptoms that EVERYONE experiences if they're experiencing The Thing. That's how we know you have DEPRESSION and not something else like "you're sad" or "you're bored" or whatever.

A lot of these people are younger kids from what I've seen and I genuinely don't believe they have an understanding or grasp of what a real mental disorder is (I'm not saying everyone who is young is like this, trust me I've met plenty of minors who know damn well what depression is, and I've met plenty of adults well into their 50's who DO NOT.)

Never the less it's just bothersome to be going through some shit and hear someone basically say "I have that quirky cute disorder!" only to exhibit a symptom that is not quirky, nor cute and have everyone look at you like that awkward party meme, you know the one.

Self aware "depression" time, if you aren't understanding of why someone might be experiencing:

Insomnia (like actual insomnia, not "I just downed 5 energy drinks and now I TOTALLY like, have insomnia guys")

Anxiety

Apathy

General feelings of hopelessness.

MOOD SWINGS

Agitation

General slowness in activities

Irritability

Social Isolation

Repetition of thoughts

(AND THIS ISN'T AN EXHAUSTIVE LIST AT ALL!)

But you still see them go through this shit and think they're just an asshole or some shit, and you look at them like THIS

You likely don't ACTUALLY have "depression" you likely just think it's cute and quirky to have a disorder and depression is the easiest for you to pretend you have.

I say this because as someone who has had MULTIPLE mental disorders my whole life it's not hard to identify your own among others.

I'm not saying I have some authority to diagnose people or any formal training, what I AM saying is that I see someone going through these things and typically my first thought is "oh shit those are an awful lot of signs you're experiencing depression my friend, you may want to consider seeing someone about that." NOT "wow, you good dude? You're kinda bitchy..."

This is true of multiple things like ADHD, Autism, Depression, etc

If you've got something as serious as depression (yes a life threatening, serious disorder) you typically do your research to figure it out a bit better because not doing so will ruin your life. You typically know symptoms of your disorder/mental illness; and can identify them in others as well as yourself.

I know this isn't anything new for people but BOY have I been experiencing it a LOT lately and well, it might just be my depression making me irritable; but I'm losing it man.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Didn't drink for a weekend, still woke up at 4 AM feeling terrible and unable to go back to sleep. I was under the impression that not having this happen anymore would be an advantage to not drinking. Not drinking was really hard, what was the point if I still wake up at 4 AM feeling terrible and unable to get back to sleep so I'll be exhausted at work all day? I wasn't drinking often enough before to have withdrawal or anything, the feeling terrible is just lack of ability to decompress without alcohol. Which I guess sorts itself out eventually. Or possibly needs to be actively sorted out. I went for a run and played a Pokemon hack and listened to XFM radio episodes from 2015 all weekend, what else am I supposed to do?

On that note, I have to say, holy hell is Pokemon Unbound ever good. I made a couple of posts about it a few months ago when I first started playing, I’m now just over 200 hours in and this is the best Pokemon game I’ve ever played. And I’ve played a lot of Pokemon games, from the main line and ROM hacks.

This is the one that has everything. A choice of difficulty settings, which seems like such an obvious thing for Game Freak to add into the main games, as a simple solution to fact that the kids game has become popular with adults because it has really good game mechanics, but the drawback that adults are then playing a game with difficulty settings calibrated for kids. Just let them choose the level they want and then everyone can play.

It also has a mission log built into the main game, which is such an elegant solution to the issue that if you follow the traditional template of a Pokemon game, you can add lots of features but the story itself only lasts so long and there is only so much variety that can be added. Pokemon Unbound still does the traditional story, but also lets you formally track the side quests so they become part of “beating the game” as well, which is how I’ve played over 200 hours and still have plenty more to do. I presently have 705 Pokemon of the 802-Pokemon Pokedex, so that’s the main thing still to do, as filling up the Pokedex is one of the missions. But even if I manage that, there are still lots more of them.

Literally as I write this, at 5 AM after I gave up on sleeping and decided to turn on my computer to play Pokemon and listen to XFM radio episodes from 2015 until I have to go to work, I've heard John Robins make fun of someone for playing Pokemon as an adult. So before I end this post, I have to say, fuck off, you ruined your life with Candy Crush. I've heard a number of comedians take the anti-Pokemon stance, but not usually ones who regularly talk about how they ruin their own life with addiction to iPhone games. That is not a defensible position.

[fluffypotatey]

any tips and tricks for getting into the writing zone?

ok so i have 2 methods and they depend on what i'm writing on: story writing and essay writing (waring: this is a mini-ramble)

with essay writing,

get mad, get super fucking mad, write that shit with spite flowing in your veins. even when i'm writing essays and stories i enjoy, i drag my feet.

i whine and complain like a toddler in my head because despite this topic being one i enjoy, putting my excited tones and rambling into coherent words always tends to feel like i'm butchering that (which is why academic papers should simply let me swear in them and use the 1st pov bc it is sO easy and my thoughts flow a lot better but noooOOOOoooooOOOOOooooo, i have to be formal and proper and-)

also, outlining. fucking godsend with essays. it's why a lot of my longer essays have headings bc i use them to outline and keep my thought on one line of thought bc i have a rambling issue (which is then easily solved with parentheses, my beloved)

with story writing (notice how this is basically a heading? good job! you've found my mini outline for this reply! have a cookie 🍪)

i find that jotting down that scene that is nagging at your brain immediately is super helpful. and do it even if you're now writing out of order. pro-tip: writing out of order is THE best, endorphins be going crazy bc you're actually not fighting with your brain with the story but writing alongside your brain-map.

personally, i find it very difficult outlining a story (how contrary) because sometimes my mind changes ideas or switches the order of scenes, and it is exhausting trying to keep up with all of that in your outline. but i guess, my "outline" with stories is simply me jotting down a very quick summary of the plot that invaded my mind in one document, never touching it again, but staying true to it because i wrote it down. therefore, it exists no longer in the recesses of mind but it a physical statement/promise to complete.

also (this advice goes for both story and essays) it is ok to take a break, step back, and not look at your writing for some hours, days, weeks, months, years--fucking whenever.

my midterm essay? a fucking nightmare. loved the topic, would write something similar about it for fun, but the reason it took me so long to complete (and why i dragged my feet) was because of the "short" timeline i had to complete it. i felt like i was on a time crunch and that led to me procrastinating, stressing over it, and taking my grand old time researching for it. however, when i was able to work on it? i allowed myself to simply do as much as i could. if i was unable to look at that stupid document, i didn't look at it. if my mind had a really good thought or example for the topic rotating in my head? immediate sit down and get that thought onto the paper. it must exist.

i have fics sitting in my folders that have been unfinished in so long, but i still consider them as wips because (and here’s another subpart-advice) i tend to work on them when i am unable to touch my current work. to be frank, working on something else helps keep you in the writing zone even if you cannot stand to look at the blank/unfinished work you wanted to complete originally. when i was incapable of writing for the Monkie Destiny Challenge, i switched to working on writing and editing my teen wolf fic (a fic i had not looked at since July) because while i still had that itch to write, something was blocking me from completing the prompts. and when i switched fics, getting into the zone was a lot easier.

so, to recap:

when jumpstarting the writing zone for writing an essay, you get passionate (can be read as mad/spiteful), and outline your thought process of the essay with headings to keep the writing flow flowing (the headings do not need to stay in the final product but they are good to have in the draft) .

when jumpstarting story writing, write! that! shit! down!!!! chronological order doesn't mean shit when you're in the planning/writing phase. your readers don't have to know that you wrote/planned a character's death before writing/planning out the beginning. they just read it in the order you publish it in!

to keep the writing zone stable and in working condition, TAKE THOSE BREAKS BOO! who cares about your personal deadlines???? if you feel exhausted before opening up a doc, then take that break, babygirl. again, your reader(s) will not need to know (nor do they need to know) how long it took you to get your writing piece done. hell, if you still feel the itch to write but the thing you wanna do is not working, then work on something else you haven't touched in a while because that itch WILL get its scratch somewhere, so help me god.

so yeah, i hope this was helpful, anon (and coherent jfc there better not be a plethora of typos T^T). happy writing, and may your weekend be a healthy dose of eventful!

[blissfulalchemist]

"We're meant to be. You'll see." for dealers choice if u wanted to be sent prompts!! 💖

Well nonny I have finished this piece in time for "Fuck That Old Man Wednesday" as it is the first meeting of Sib and Lahabrea (well on one of their ends). I don't know if this is what you were looking for but I have been down this rabbit hole for so long now. Anyway I hope you have fun! And same to anyone else that reads it!

no warnings. word count: a little under 1k

With a huff Siberite let’s herself fall onto the soft bed of the inn, the aching groan muffled by the pillow. The last week had been beyond exhausting tackling another primal and hearing what her new “partner” thought of her fighting methods. Honestly she didn't need someone else there, but Thancred had to voice his worries after the battle with the Ifrit, leading to Minfilia assigning her a healer to go with her into every battle. "Quite pointless really. I was doing just fine."

"I am inclined to agree with you," a voice calls out as the air in the room shifts bringing forth a black void.

She sits up in enough time to see the Ascian in a red mask appear before her. His smile at ease much like the way he walks towards her, "You really are such a capable fighter." Her eyes narrow, moving to keep him in the center of the room, “Oh come now, is that any way to treat an old friend?”

“We are not friends,” she snaps, “I don’t know who the fuck you are to think such a thing.”

“Ah, we have yet to be introduced formally,” he gives a bow, “I am Lahabrea,” he looks up with a glowing red sigil covering his face long enough for the image to etch itself into her brain, “and I know you are Siberite Akagane of Thavnair.”

She flinches, fists forming, “How do you know such things?”

“I see you do not tell anyone your last name yet.”

“Will you stop acting like you know the future or some shit?”

“This is where my knowledge ends actually.” In an instant he becomes inches from her face, back hitting the wall, small growl seeping from the back of her throat at being cornered. The Ascian’s smile softens ever so slightly with the tilt of his head, stark contrast to the aggression his red mask would rather show. Metal clawed fingers lightly start to brush against her cheek as he lets out a contented hum, “You look just as beautiful." His words make her heart start to race, the tips of his claws caressing down her chest, all while she’s fairly certain his eyes are roaming every inch of her. Bad day to wear such an exposing dress, She thinks catching a brief glimpse of herself in the mirror, the straps that criss cross her midsection and shoulders never looked thinner as she feels the whispered sharp edges of metal trace down the deep neckline. "So pristine, my darling. Maybe I am to become one of the many scars you bore the first time we met."

“Oh yes, a scar from your lover, the pinnacle of romance,” she sneers. The Ascian grabs hold of her chin, the tips of metal threatening to break skin and scale with just the slightest bit of movement. He pauses just a second more before quickly bringing his lips to hers, making Siberite's eyes grow wide. She attempts to push him off of her, his grip tightening, body pressing closer, stopping any attempts with her arms now pinned between them. Her legs find little purchase with how he's positioned himself between them, uttering a growl. His free hand lets metal run up her waist sending a shiver through her that threatens to relax her into the unwanted affection.

He pulls his mouth away just far enough for his dark chuckle to ring clearly, "Still as feisty as I remember,” he purrs. He lets a hand snake up into her hair giving a slight tug, the breathy moan she has no control over giving just enough space to let his tongue work its way into her mouth. She gives the slightest turn of her head putting his tongue in just the right spot to drive her canines in. She doesn't let go the minute he drops his hand or starts to pull back, instead chomping down once more until there's just enough room to stomp on his foot. He lets out a cry, smile gone, and steps back enough that gives way for her to push him back to the center of the room. Her shoulders rise, hands up and body angled away from him, eyes intent and scrutinizing every move as he simply brings a hand up, gently tapping the inside of his mouth only to look down on bloodstained fingertips. "Ah, so it is not time just yet for us. My apologies."

"You got some ego to think there even is a time for us."

His laugh echoes until it's behind her and a chill runs down her spine when his arms wrap around her. "Oh my dear Siberite," he says claws, running along her flesh and scales while his other hand starts to clench around her throat, "we're meant to be." He turns her head to look him in the eye with a gentle smile that does nothing to put her at ease while it sits below the aggressive red mask, "You'll see, I promise you." He brings his lips down to hers gently, almost romantically and in a way that feels far too familiar, before letting her go. She shakes his lingering touches free, scowling as he gives a slight bow, "Until next we meet, my love."

The air turns heavy for a moment once again before returning to its silence. SIberite's chest collapses releasing a shaky breath she didn't know she was holding, stomach turning as she can feel the lingering traces of where his hands held her. "What....the....fuck!?" Lips curling in revulsion as she looks over her body, "Fuckin' asshole thinking he can just come in here and claim some soulmate bullshit. Fuck off! Gods!” She paces, shaking free the images of what she looked like with his arms wrapped around her in the brief second she glanced in the mirror, ignoring the small hints of excitement flashing throughout her body, “Truly, what the fuck was up with that guy?"

[rasparagus]

the status of and my feelings about this blog

honestly i have been involved in fandom since i was way too young to be on the internet. and i took a break from being super active with fan accounts some years back bc its what was best for me. fast forward to 2021 and becoming a carat is quite literally what got me to start posting and interacting consistently again on tumblr bc the fandom seemed really chill and cool and overall just a nice way to find community, especially during a transition period of my life.

but now i realize why every other day there’s a new creator declaring they need a mental health break lmfao. its cus this shit lowkey sucks. ive barely been active in the community for two months and this is the most stress ive experienced in a fandom. i love being able to chat it up and write fics and read fics but the amount of discourse combined with so many people thinking they know every fucking thing about everything is exhausting. some of yall treat this like a job. i come here to chill but so many people use this community as a way to show how virtuous of a person they are or how witty and sassy they can be with no regard for actual human beings. i think some of yall have been on the internet so long that u have literally forgotten how to interact normally with others, even when they say something u disagree with. not every disagreement is worth some huge moral argument or name-calling session. i dont think its normal that i see a different discourse discussion occur on the timeline every day, all of them met with equal vitriol from the people involved; some things are simply not that serious. maybe if we all take a step back and remember we are people writing fake stories about people we will never meet, then the problems wont seem so big after all. hate to be a hippie but like,,,lets just vibe and treat each other like humans, man~

ofc this isnt about any of my lovely moots xoxo i love yall. but its hard to ignore the discourse that occurs within this fandom. and as someone who does a vast amount of philosophizing in my daily life for school/work/community activism and would truly just like to chill on here, the exaggeration of mild issues stresses me out. im someone who is deeply passionate about politics, social justice, and cultural criticism in day-to-day life (just like a lot of other people who tend to start discourse!). but i also am of the belief that we all need rest, and if our leisure time is plagued by the same seriousness of the “real world” then we’ll never truly get that rest. i fear that in an effort to continue my hobby of writing and interacting with other fans, i will find my mind never truly resting and will be damned to a life where i am convincing myself that i’m having fun when im not. and once again, it should never be that serious.

when i started writing for svt i saw myself being here for a while, and i still really want that. but im barely three (very short) fics in and im already exhausted (and impressed) with how much the fun has been drained out of this fandom for me. i liked it better when all i did was watch gose and gush about vernon to my non carat friends. i really cherish the mutuals ive made and bc of those connections i desire to keep this blog semi-alive. i think it’d be really sad for me to give up on the fandom this early. but this fandom has a level of toxicity that is incredibly anxiety-inducing for me. sure my mental issues are my own and it isnt anyone’s fault, but ive noticed a common trend among other creators as well, so maybe its worth considering the environment we all are fostering. who knows. maybe i need to disappear for a while so i can re-discover the spark that led me to become a svt blog in the first place. this isnt me announcing a formal hiatus or anything. i could be back tomorrow thirsting over mingyu and wanting to write and post a new fic. or it could take me weeks or months to regain the fire that made this fun in the first place. this rant is merely a tired, old (not really) soul expressing their frustrations with a fandom that quite frankly takes itself way too seriously. 

[zerobotic]

just realized this post got spit out of my queue after i put it in there like a month or more ago, and, fun fact! i’m 500% more angry about it now than i was a month ago when i queued it!! because in that time ive taken and gotten the results back from a neuropsych evaluation, which my therapist and doctor requested as part of the adhd evaluation ive had going on for nearly a fucking year now, and boy am i fucking seething about it! i spend a whole year telling my therapist about how much im struggling in ways i cant seem to overcome, and she goes “yeah that sounds like adhd” and we begin the lengthy process of looking into that, and then the pcp decides they need more info so i get referred to the neuropsych folks. and this FUCKING neuropsych guy sees me for a single visit and i take some cognitive tests and he writes up a report saying, in his infinite wisdom, that i am simply ““““too high functioning”“““ to truly be struggling and have i considered im not trying hard enough? have i considered using a planner? setting reminders in my phone? have i considered that im only looking for an adhd diagnosis because i feel slighted by my parents not looking into any of this when i was a kid and now i want validation because of my poor relationship with my family (which ive talked with my therapist at length about and this guy only knows the bare fucking minimum)?

like, it’s been a couple weeks since i read that report and i STILL wanna strangle someone about it and im still waiting for my therapist and doctor to respond about how, inevitably, this has fucked over the entire process of seeking a diagnosis all because some jackass can’t understand that doing well on academic tests doesnt equate to being able to successfully cope with the reality of day to day life, and my therapist and doctor apparently arent allowed to formally diagnose me if there’s any uncertainty! which, being too good at tests and therefore being told i cant be struggling is the story of my life and why im in this situation as an adult in the first place.

and seeing that post about being high functioning brought all that anger back to the surface now and underneath the anger im just. so, so exhausted and dont know what to do anymore, because nothing ever gets easier and i dont know how to make any of it work and for a while there i thought maybe i could officially get some answers and maybe some help with making things easier for once and now that’s been shot down too and i dont know what to do because nothing ive ever tried has worked and im back to square one again. underneath the anger there’s a part of me that’s losing hope on the idea of anything ever getting better

[oflgtfol]

I feel like people in the astronomy program are so much more laid back than the physics program plus the gender imbalance isnt quite as intense. now that im taking basically all my physics minor courses in one semester, im in upper level courses that pretty much ONLY physics majors are taking, and the entire vibe is so… different …

which is. maybe also why im doubting whether im cut out for academia. because these people are so fucking competitive and just. idk. idk how to explain it

so obviously i have a deep passion and love for science and especially astronomy. to the point where it spills beyond my academic life and into my personal life, to where i gush about it in my free time on my personal blog, to where most of my hobbies and interests are at least tangentially related to it, etc. i am always down to talk about astronomy. BUT I STILL HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF IT!!! when i hang out w friends i met in my classes we talk about things other than academics! we have actual fun!!

but these guys in these physics courses. all they fucking talk about is physics. and not in an awkward nerd way. it just comes across as weirdly like… idk. superior? like theyre trying to sound smart and better than you. like every single conversation is a test of your knowledge. it really takes away from the sense of camaraderie that i enjoy in academic settings and it turns even just basic casual conversation into a competition. add on the fact that theres like, four women in these classes, of which i am one of them, in a class of total like 25 people, it’s just. it creates such an unwelcoming atmosphere

and i just. in previous years i saw the gender imbalance statistics and i was filled with spite to do my small little part to go against it. but this past year has been hell for me mentally. i literally havent felt a single emotion beyond like, all encompassing defeat and exhaustion, so i frankly just cannot gather the will to even feel spite at all, nevermind enough to be my sole motivator for continuing on. and i know grad school must only get worse with this stuff. and i mean yeah as i said, astronomy is a lot better, not so much with the gender ratio (the ratio is slightly better), but the overall attitude is so much more lighter. but again like i just. i know grad school is super competitive i dont even know if i can handle that nevermind the workload of school itself. nevermind the overall work culture of that kind of competition

its still my absolute dream to spend the rest of my life doing formal astro research but with the current state of things its just. i dotn know if im cut out for it with all this, nevermind the fucking financials of it, like i hate competition i just want to do a job and contribute to the field, but in order to make money to survive at all i need to fight tooth and nail for grants and its just. its exhausting. is that really how i wanna spend the rest of my life. Why must these things exist why cant i just do research

[starlingsrps]

dance the night away.

after the swearing in and lunch and parade and getting ready for the balls, lizzie asks emma and david why they aren’t tired because she’s exhausted.

david drily says poppers.

emma shrugs. she doesn’t know how the whole of inauguration day wouldn’t be exciting enough to fuel her to for days.

it’s also her birthday and emma never says die on her birthday. 

she’ll be living in the freaking white house - excuse her, the residence - with their parents so the hair and makeup team for emma and lizzie have taken over her bedroom and bathroom. david lounges on a window seat and runs his fingers over the sill, claiming that he’s digging for initials carved by the nixon girls. he’s excited and she’s excited and she’s sure lizzie is excited too but lizzie has always taken on the gravity of a situation so the two of them don’t have to. her code name is dove, which is lame but appropriate.

“emmy, you shouldn’t have any more coffee,” she calls from her makeup chair, trying to talk while her eyelashes are curled at the same time. “we’re going to have to peel you off of the ceiling.”

emma and david roll their eyes at each other and rattle the ice in their matching venti iced americanos. emma has never spent a single formal event without a massive caffeine rush and david usually has one around six anyway. lizzie, with her single diet coke, won’t make it to ten.

“i’m fine, lizzie,” emma calls. she’s already done with hair and makeup and the only thing left is to get zipped into her offensively

gorgeous gown. her mother had wanted them to be monochromatic red, white, and blue - lizzie in burgundy, david in navy, emma in camel (the stylist had declared it close enough) - but for the ball, meredith lawrence had simply pleaded them to be tasteful. david is wearing a black velvet jacket, lizzie a glittery metallic ralph lauren that she had protested as too slinky at first (emma saw her preening in the mirror of the fitting room over her protests and had bullied her into it), and emma…well, it had to be hot pink.

“liz, you want a bump or something or are you going to keep being lame?” david yells from his perch.

“david, i swear to god if you brought drugs in the white house…” lizzie has marched out of the bathroom, wearing the same white robe as emma, but as lizzie is tall and dark and looks like a model when she tries, it’s a very different effect - less slumber party, more vogue get ready with me. emma has always wanted her big sister to adore her but she’s always felt unruly and rambunctious compared to her cool, collected air that it’s easier to ally herself with david.

he snorts and gets up, crossing the room to kiss her on top of the head. “of course not. gave that shit up years ago. meet you two in the living room, wherever the fuck that is.”

lizzie shakes her head and sighs, giving emma a tired smile. “zip me, i’ll zip you?”

there are eleven official balls and emma lost track of the unofficial ones weeks ago. their car follows their parents to the first three before they get cut loose - lizzie sticks with mom and dad while emma and david take advantage of the freedom. the young democrats ball has the best music so they plant their flag there for the rest of the night. 

emma has never been to a ball before and if the first three had been exciting and the young democrats fun, by one am, it feels like prom. she’s crashing, her feet hurt, and she’s lost her date - david vanished about an hour ago and she doesn’t think she’s allowed to just call an uber anymore and she likes her security detail just fine but…she’s also not sure where clive is. she has to assume he knows where she is. she’s tired and she doesn’t want to admit it - not when lizzie is probably already home and tucked in bed after a full skincare routine and ready to pounce with the “when did you get in” question over breakfast. david is surely already invited to at least three after parties and she knows that he can go for twenty four hours, easy.

but she’s tired and it’s not her birthday or inauguration day anymore so she feels like she’s allowed. she orders an uber, texts david that she’s leaving, collects her wrap, and goes out to the front of the hotel to wait.

“where are you going?”

she shoots a scowl over her shoulder and goes back to scanning the street for a blue fiesta. “home. thanks.”

the tuxedo wearing guy comes down the steps a bit further. “you’re emma lawrence, right?”

“yeah and i’m really sorry but i can’t get you in to meet my dad so…”

he snorts. “i’m in the west wing, thanks. i don’t think you’re supposed to take ubers when you’re the president’s kid, are you?”

“well, chelsea clinton wrote the manual pre-uber and i don’t trust the bush twins as far as i can throw them. i’m flying blind here.”

“do you know where your…agent or handler or whatever it is is?” he asks. “i feel like i’m supposed to deliver you back to him.”

“no idea. wait, what department? i’m not listening to a dork in transportation.”

“white house counsel,” he says, sounding almost offended. “casey. come on, i’ll help you find him. can’t have you getting kidnapped on your first day.”

“second day. and how do i know you’re not an international terrorist?”

casey mutters something under his breath that sounds like “for fuck’s sake”. “i’m just not.”

she swallows a tart remark and lets him lead her back inside. if she’s going to be kidnapped, it’s probably more likely going to be by an international terrorist in a fiesta than by a department of justice flunky in black tie. when she opens her phone to cancel the uber, there’s a text from david telling her that clive is looking for her and to send him her location. she takes her time, canceling the car and torpedoing her rating, before texting him that she’s by the ice sculpture of an eagle.

“so,” she asks casey, tapping her phone on her open palm. he’s pretty hot for a flunky - a little ken doll in the face but he has gorgeous hair and nice eyes. “you here with anyone?”

“my sister,” he says after what she can only call a Look. lizzie gives her the same one when she’s being a brat - they could probably compare notes. “you?”

she flushes. “my brother.”

his eyebrows arch. “all the more reason for you to stay put."

“you’re very concerned about me getting kidnapped for someone who isn’t an international terrorist.”

clive, all brick shithouse muscles and resting bitch face that belies a heart that loves snickerdoodles and beyoncé, comes thundering through the lingering crowd before casey can address that remark. he looks more annoyed than mad and emma will take that as a win. “miss lawrence, you can’t take an uber.”

“lyft?” emma asks, knowing the answer.

clive shakes his head. “same thing. if you want to return to the residence or go to another location, tell me.”

emma gives him a snappy salute. “deal. do you need a ride?”

casey looks a little surprised. “uh…”

clive nods. “you can get a ride.”

“i’m okay, thanks. i need to go find my sister anyway.”

emma wiggles her fingers at him in good bye. “bye casey! see you around!”

he looks over his shoulder and waves, looking deeply confused about the past ten minutes of his life.

clive clears his throat and emma turns back to him. “phone.”

she rolls her eyes and hands it over, watching as he deletes all of her ride sharing apps. 

“man, even bumble?”

“even bumble,” he says, handing it back.

[troglobite]

my friend of 16 years bailed on me with no warning and no explanation

i got no sleep last night/this morning & i msged her almost an hour ahead of time like “hey i’m sorry i got no sleep, i probably can’t talk for long”

no response

11 am comes

she hasn’t sent me a zoom link or even replied

i msg again

“are you still up for talking today? i dont’ think i have zoom anymore, but i can try if it’s not working for you?”

checking in and giving her an out

20 full minutes late she just says “hey hey” and we can postpone for me, if that works.

then disappears.

i ask “is everything okay”

1.5 hrs later, while i’m trying to sleep, she finally replies

“umm.....they’re okay. not at my best. excuse me for exiting our conversation.”

like a fucking formal fucking office email

after i’ve spent MONTHS talking w her abt her life and everything going on 

i had to get up early

i figured it would be rude or too last minute to cancel bc i was sleep deprived and miserable

looks like i didn’t need to worry about THAT

bc she shows up LATE and with NO WARNING OR EXPLANATION just bails

of course i’m worried abt what happened

but i don’t get any of the same courtesy so i’m not going to ask

i’m not going to fucking pull teeth to get an answer from her like it’s some game where i have to prove that i care, over and over and over again, to convince her to share important things w me THAT SHE WANTS TO SHARE ANYWAY

and she’s just. so out of touch w my life. 

just what’s the fucking point. i can’t be responsible for her fucking life and feelings like this. and i wasn’t trying to be.

but i guess at this point i have to let her fuck up and make terrible mistakes and deal w and learn from the consequences on her own

even though she won’t

bc she’ll just use them to punish herself and justify even worse choices and mistakes

and will probably bail on looking for a therapist even though she wants and needs one desperately

it was 8 pm for her

we had last checked in around 11 or 12 her time, no news that we couldn’t meet.

i could’ve woken up to a msg from her that she wasn’t up to meeting today.

but instead, no.

i have to sit here, eyes puffy, brain scrambled, feeling like garbage, waiting to hear back from her lest she just have been stuck in traffic, or dealing w wifi, or can’t get zoom to work.

and now instead i have to worry abt wtf happened bc she refuses to talk to me and be honest w me. why? i don’t fucking know.

and i’m tired.

i’m so so so fucking tired. of all of this.

i’m so tired of ppl canceling plans and bailing last fucking minute when they KNEW ahead of time that they wouldn’t or couldn’t make it or be up for it. 

i have to change things around in my brain and my day to meet w ppl most of the time and when they can’t or don’t stick to it or bail at the last fucking minute it’s just fucking exhausting. and it hurts.

why am i not worth this courtesy when i repeatedly communicate abt how much i want and need a heads up for ALL THINGS?

“it’s not abt you, they have shit going on”

i still communicate when i have shit going on, to the best of my ability. or i show up bc i said i would and do my best bc i want to have fun w friends. 

and also why is it everybody i know and every fucking time, then? if it has nothing to do w me. then why?

i’ve even said repeatedly to ppl “it’s fine if you don’t think you can or want to join anymore, just give me/us a heads up so i/we know! no worries no hard feelings.”

and still.

and i’m tired of having to be the person to be the training wheels to teach them basic fucking lessons like this. i get that it’s hard, for a lot of reasons. i get that sometimes, there genuinely is just no time to warn, or it really does slip their mind. but ALL THE TIME with EVERYONE I KNOW????? 

and--NOT telling me something makes me WAY ANGRIER (read: more actively hurt and frustrated) than simply TELLING ME HOW YOU FEEL! i don’t even need the details! just give me the COURTESY of not having to wake up early, shift my day around, and get my brain set up and prepared for something that’s not going to happen. 

i’m tired i’m tired i’m fucking tired 

i don’t want to be the only one trying in every fucking relationship i have

“every”

a handful

fewer than two hands’ worth

and if i stop trying then the relationships will just fall apart

i don’t think it’s a coincidence that my friend has been talking to me more lately, over the last several months. bc she’s been dealing w the split from her (terrible, manipulative, bigoted, abusive) ex girlfriend, and figuring out a new relationship w this (seemingly much better) woman. 

talking w me hasn’t been bc she wants to keep our friendship more lively and active, i guess. it’s bc for whatever reason, i’m the only one who will “put up” w incessant talks abt this. and accept getting nothing in return. 

she “tried” to be there for me when i was hurt and scared, and she fucked up so bad it was like she had no idea who i was or what was even going on, or how to talk to a person.

she has a million friends, including other ones from middle and high school like me who are more important. she knows how to talk like a person and be a good friend. just. not w me, i guess. 

all i am is support for the ppl i think are my friends. i’m funny and i do things for them. and if i’m not succeeding at either of those then. well. who cares abt me?

idk what broke in my brain last night trying to sleep. i just feel more instantaneously depressed than i have in a few weeks, i guess. 

meanwhile it’s beautiful out today and here i am laying in bed at almost 2 pm w my curtains closed, needing to shower. 

it’s not fair.

fuck all of this shit. it’s not fair. 

[stylinsuns]

Neighbour anon. Seeing your reply made my day/night/morning whatever its 2:30 am so.. i didn’t see your msg asking for me cuz :( thats so sweet!!I’m alright just a bit exhausted. Uni is going alright, i got into a bit of a heated argument with one of the professors cuz she was being a fucking misogynist. I was thinking about joining arts club or maybe the media club. We also have a law society so i was thinking about joining that too since I’m a law student. There are like 6 small cafes in our uni and they all serve chai but i haven’t tried it cuz I HATE TEA. Nothing has changed since we last talked i still don’t like tea and find mohit chauhans voice irritating. Favourite song hmm I’ve been listening to ‘Out of System’ and ‘Unholy’ on repeat. Also ‘tujhe sochta hoon’, have you heard this song its an old song but i love it. Anyway enough about me, OMG YOUR’RE LEAVING THE COUNTRY? That’s so exciting!! I’m so happy for you! Living somewhere new would might be a difficult at first but i hope you have a lot of fun. What country are you leaving for btw? I’m nosey too so i wanna know where you’re going and be jealous. Have a safe flight!

hello hello, had a safe flight and some very due but very distressing repercussions 😮‍💨 anyway arts and media club sound interestiiiiing though tell me more about the law society, do they have a moot court? mock trials?

good job handing the professor's her day's work ten stars and a half moon for you

or that.

not happy about the "nothing has changed" part, no need to take louis songs so seriously man come on chai is SOUL FOOD 😤

but anyway moving on thank you for the songs, don't mean to be a boast but i had them all downloaded already ;). aaand im currently still in India right now though, i'm in Banaras, for Diwali at longest. after that america 😔. im not very excited for that part to be honest, i don't like that place in the least degree of the word im only going for some formal details should be back by mid november so no reason to be jealous here i don't think, not for me at least. okay let me be a geography tours and travel worksheet here and ask uncomfortably formal questions. have you any opinions/experiences/tips of travelling in america i can use? have you ever been to any other country except your own? please let me know as much in your next ask(s) hope you have a good day <3!! happy diwali 🌷

[abrostrom]

Reflection

I am fucking exhausted of all this bullshit. I am starting to understand anarchy better. Especially learning about all the ways the government has been tried in the past. It never works. No matter what good intentions people have when they start, it gets corrupt. Or it doesn’t fit into the stupid western standards and gets destroyed. Okay now the actual reflection.

I really liked Poet Warrior. I hadn’t thought about poetry other than a strict binary thing that can’t have any emotion. We are taught in school that we can’t have any emotion in our writing and it has to be formal and follow a strict structure and rules. But that leads to boring writing and emotionally repressed people. I love the idea of being able to express myself without having to worry about being correct. Poet Warrior, combined with Ways of Seeing, has pushed me to question more of the western standards and ideas ingrained in us since birth. Also listening to Behind the Bastards makes me angry about history which is fun to combine with being able to express my thoughts and emotions. Most of this project has been me ranting about stupid shit so sorry if it doesn’t make sense. I love being able to release this part of myself with people who understand and I don’t have to explain myself or watch what I say. Anyway, this has been really cathartic, thank you.