#fortunately adventure time is mostly quite good and even when it isn't

[winepresswrath]

but really bubbline does have everything- friends to lovers to enemies(ish) to friends to lovers, ancient immortal beings who keep circling around each other and coming home, uptight control freak with megalomaniacal tendencies obsessed with a bass player, bass girl/nerd, mad scientist/experiment, vampire/snack. divorced highschool sweethearts. They're both independently interesting characters with their own shit going on and they're both, at various points, maybe two degrees away from full fledged supervillainy. if they went evil they would probably kill each other because their worst selves cannot collaborate. one of them has three separate parents abandon her and the other one has an evil uncle she built herself because spontaneous radioactive gum fission can be lonely. unparalleled, unprecedented, we will never see its like again.

[zee-reviews]

Conker's Bad Fur Day (N64)

First time?: Yes.

CBFD has been on my backlog for like ten years and a couple days ago I was like "fuck it. Why not now?"

I knew certain things about the game already, like the blood, poop, and swearing. I also knew how the game ended, though that honestly just made me more interested to play it to see how that came about.

First impressions, I'll be honest, weren't good. The controls took a while to get used to. They weren't as tight as something like Super Mario 64, nor do you have quite as many ways to manipulate your momentum as something like Banjo-Kazooie. It feels weighty and slippery, and fall damage seems to happen at much shorter heights than you'd think. It doesn't help that your main attack, the frying pan, is fairly slow with less range than it looks.

Fortunately, the game isn't really about the platforming so much. There's platforming segments, but really the game feels more like a linear puzzle-adventure that happens to use platforming mechanics simply as your means of navigating around the world. Instead of the progression being locked behind collectibles like some other platformers of the time, I would say Conker is a more story-driven platformer. Events that happen in the game's plot are the main thing that drive progression.

The game's tone and humor are the main selling points of the game, and as the M-rating suggests, there's a lot of toilet humor, black comedy, and swearing. Often, there'd be a joke that felt too mean-spirited to laugh at, or something particularly cruel that you had to do to progress. Also, the gross-out humor got to be a little much (there are TWO whole levels made of poop). At the same time, the dialogue is almost entirely improv, and there were a few moments that I thought were actually funny.

The visuals and soundtrack are both gorgeous. Given that this was one of the latest N64 games, Rare had gotten quite good at making levels look detailed and aesthetically pleasing. And the soundtrack by Robin Beanland is fantastic; the overworld theme is infectious and I was actually taken aback by how beautiful the Uga Buga theme was and how hard Rock Solid goes.

Final thoughts before going into spoilers: I think the game really won me over by the end and I think the last three or four chapters are were the game is at its strongest. It's definitely an interesting game, and I think even if the subject matter doesn't interest you, it's worth experiencing at least once. Fortunately, the game is so story-driven that you could get 90% of the experience from a cutscene compilation on YouTube (95% if you watch a Let's Play).

Spoilers below the cut.

The last three levels are what sold me on the game, and where I feel like the game used its Mature rating to something actually mature.

The Count Batula level is dripping with spooky atmosphere, the zombies are actually genuinely scary to fight (well, at first. Once you get to the point where you don't actually have to kill them and you realize you can always outrun them…).

The War level is also genuinely unsettling, in a very different way. The whole thing is an homage to Saving Private Ryan, but played mostly straight, showing the horrors of war in the context of cute fuzzy animals. The difficulty of this chapter, frustrating as it can be, just helps sell the idea of fighting for your life behind enemy lines. I finished this chapter right before bed and it actually made me uneasy trying to fall asleep. It's going to stick with me, I think.

Side note; I love Rodent so much. He's adorable and I was so happy when he survived.

And also, gotta talk about the downer ending. For all the asinine things that happen in this game, having Conker lose the one person he cares about most, have the opportunity to bring her back, and getting so caught up in a power trip that he forgets to do so and now has to live with his regret for the rest of his life despite getting everything he's ever wanted. I love a good phyrric victory ending and somehow this goofy game about an alcoholic squirrel sells it for me.

To recap: I went into the game not even sure if I wanted to finish it but came out of the experience really liking it. I'm glad I finally decided to play it. I don't know if I'll play it again.

[jamesbranwen]

I wanna to hear about people's skyrim everything all the time

(flaps my hands)

cries... okay yes here she is ☺️

Crowe is my current LDB character and the one I've put the most thought into ever. She's a Bosmer thief/assassin. She has short golden hair and she's slightly on the shorter side. She is blind in one eye from a werewolf attack as a child (she also has scars from this). She was the only one in her village to survive and has been traveling Tamriel alone since. She's very cynical and sarcastic and very distrusting of others (as you can imagine).

Due to her turbulent childhood, Crowe gained a fascination with all things Daedric. She felt in control when researching, and eventually reaching out to, Daedra. She ended up as a devout follower of Namira. The only times she felt safe in her childhood were in places where everyone, threat or not, had already died. Ransacked villages, swept out caves, burial ruins. She took comfort in decay.

She was caught in the wrong place/wrong time when she entered Skyrim, leading to her near-execution at Helgen and her discovering her power as Dragonborn. She decided to stay in Skyrim for the time being because she felt a certain duty to take down dragons. Not for the sake of the Nords, really, she could care less about them, but moreso out of her lack of self preservation and desire to be doing something. She doesn't care much for the notoriety but she likes the constant source of income from odd jobs people have for her and her various titles that come with being Dragonborn.

She met Faendal in Riverwood and took a liking to him. He asked to tag along on her adventures and she agreed, as long as he could keep up with her. She was generally distrusting of him for a very long time, but through adventuring together they grew close. He looked the other way during a lot of murders and heists. And if he ever gets any ideas, she knows his weaknesses. Fortunately, he wouldn't betray her trust.

She settled down (as much as she can, she doesn't really stay for any long stretches at a time) in Riften. She did end up joining the Guild and becoming a Nightingale, but she figures her soul is bound to Namira. She does like the armor. She had/has a rather close physical relationship with Brynjolf, but she can't really bring herself to see the Guild as "family" and trust them like the others seem to. But she's glad to share the coin.

Crowe's current thrill (and what I've mostly written about) is located not in Skyrim, but on Solstheim. She did defeat Miraak and became obsessed with finding Black Books (those being right up her alley with all the Daedra love) and visiting Apocrypha. She wants to know all about Oblivion, Daedra, Conjuration (although she's no good with magic), soul trapping, and anything else related. Maybe she's autistic lol. Like with Nocturnal, Hermaeous Mora wants to claim her as their "champion" but she is rather devoted to the lady of decay. What will happen after her death is a mystery she doesn't dwell on.

Speaking of autistics, her partner in crime in the Black Book endeavor is Master Neloth, of course. She's actually very fond of Neloth, because it's clear that he isn't putting on a face or trying to manipulate her. He says what he wants. Demands it, even. If she doesn't comply, he doesn't care. He'll find somebody else. She gravitates to Tel Mythryn quite a lot for this reason, and eventually Neloth returns her fondness. A little. Okay, enough to make her an honorary member of House Telvanni. She has a bed and a chest there, where she stays a lot more often than she stays in her actual house. She's friendly with Talvas, too. There's a little bit of tension, or maybe just desperation, on Talvas's side, because Crowe isn't Neloth's apprentice, there's not such heavy expectations levied against her. He sees how her and Neloth tease each other and how Neloth sees her as much more of (but definitely not quite) an equal than him. She's happy to be around both Dunmer though and brings back any book she finds.

[muses-inn]

@dynamoprotocol / meme

'I'll go ahead and check if someone's in the house. You just wait here. And don't touch anything'. That sounded like a decent plan and Jerry definitely didn't mind staying at a safe place for the time being. But the wait quickly starts to feel endless and agonizing and regret kicks in for not just joining her after all. What if a monster suddenly enters his supposed safe zone?

Why was Rick thinking it would be a good idea to just leave the Real-Life Backrooms Simulator attached to their home TV while heading out with Morty for one of their space adventures? How does one even QUIT this thing? And how did Rick's Ex end up in here as well? The truth is though, he isn't even sure he wants to know at this point. How Jerry managed to make it through the other areas on his own is anyone's guess, but it was mostly a mixture of running, screaming, bashing monsters with random objects, and hiding. Which worked actually remarkably well for him so far. He almost hit Clarissa with a chair too when they ran into each other, which got him zapped in turn. Not something he wants to experience ever again. Yeah and now, she is pretty much stuck with him since that encounter.

The door to the room he's been waiting inside opens suddenly and Jerry is just ready to yeet a bottle of Almond Water. Fortunately, he doesn't throw it though.

"Clarissa?! Just where have you been all this time? I thought you got eaten by one of these-- burnt spaghetti monsters out there! Was one of these weird meat men in that house? Can we go there?"

"I opened the door and he was like 'You want some sausage?'"

Jerry just rolls his eyes and plummets to the ground with a distraught groan. That all means he has to play the bait again while Carissa works on some computers to do something. At least he's not just curling up into a pillow bug to cry this time, though.

"Fine. Did you find a chocolate bar on your way at least? I'd even eat moth jelly! I'm starving!"

[pico-digital-studios]

Into, Across and Beyond! Cast: EX!Alice

Replaces: Peni Parker and SP//dr Created by: ASTRANOMICONX (Original Alice), AetherAsterisk (this retake)

"I'm not afraid of you!"

Alice, Xenophanes' accomplice and original second-in-command as he terrorised the globe with his altered copy of Sonic Adventure 2. Originally, she enjoyed assisting the crystalline God in his killings.

However, after enough time, she stood up to his temptations and willingly left him behind, going off the grid to get away from him. After that point, she lived out what was left of her days as a novelist in a secluded location that not even her family knew about.

Problem was, one can't just outrun a God. After Xeno got his new apprentice in the form of Caffrin the Gamer Girl, Alice was tracked down and killed, with her soul being forced into a new game, which was a supposedly-planned sequel to Sonic 1 which was split into Sonic 2 and CD. Some say her body is still sealed in the game, her heart on a pedestal close to it.

After then, a special vessel of Amy Rose was made specifically for Alice, but her determination to take down Xenophanes and his little sidekick once and for all never wavered, and so she spent plenty of runs helping players evade their own impending fates and taking any means necessary to ultimately win.

Granted, due to being seen as predictable, she never managed to come out on top, but she did a real good job holding out against the tyranny of her old friend and his new accomplice. But all soon changed when Veronica, Caffrin's sister in the real world, forced herself into the game to put things right and turn her sister back to a positive light.

They later succeeded in getting Caffrin to make a change, and she later contributed in finally putting an end to the monster, albeit at the cost of her life. Alice couldn't remain angry at Caffrin for what she did, especially considering the invaluable sacrifice she made to save many.

With the game world now lacking a monstrous ruler, Alice was able to dig through the code to help her with readying for further combat if necessary, which led to the creation of her trusty custom Big Arms mech, E4-R6:3 (a.k.a; Sonic 3 - Round 6: Boss 3), complete with AI taken from Sonic Generations.

She was the sixth and final initial member of the Blur Gang to show up in One More Hero, initially present to track down energy sources to temporarily use for boosting E4's power, and OMT!Tails was happy to help her out, alongside finding a way to get her back home. She made close friends with her new companions, though was still quite reserved from what went on, to the point that E4 isn't considered a friend to her in this AU.

At one point, Alice and E4 were left alone with Surge, who saw her as no different to the other Sonics, Tails and Amys of the multiverse, which gave her the motivation to badly damage E4 and almost pummel Alice within an inch of her life. Fortunately, Mr. Needlemouse was there to help bail her out of there, while OMT!Tails carried her to safety during the rabbit-hog's attack.

Sadly, the injuries left her with serious brain damage, causing her to lose much of her old memories and relegate into a genki girl personality to move past her trauma, a sort of inversion of what Peni went through, in a way. Her time in the vessel also aged her down from her mid-30s to roughly 16. Needless to say, she's become really optimistic and adorable in general because of it.

Amongst things, as the team mostly had their own quirks and the majority of them shot down OMT!Tails for not being ready, EX!Alice, even with most of her memories gone, remained one of those able to keep them connected as a team and encourage them to cooperate in the quest to stop Eggman Nega after Uma had to be hospitalised. This speech best sums it up:

"Hey now, hey now! Are we really going to leave Tails behind?! [...] The only reason you four are opting for this in the end is because YOU (CR!Sonic) grew bitter of your own Tails and got all angsty, YOU (OMT!Mina) lost yours to a monster and became a loner, and YOU two (Mini Sonic and Mr. Needlemouse) might not even have a Tails as a sidekick. [...] My point is, we've all got our own talents, but your ability to work together as a team is getting strained. I know I've got this vessel, but I'm still just a human. But when I had a plan, and I got help from a friend, we were able to achieve the impossible. Now, you're each the heroes of your worlds. Just imagine what could happen if YOU did that, along with Tails. You could save the universe."

During that finale, when it was time for Alice to leave, she gave Tails a portable SEGA console to use when he felt like doing so, and left a truly optimistic young gal. She did manage to construct a new mecha in good time for More than One Universe and other stories, and in good time, too, especially with the threat count further expanding across the multiverse.

If you wish to learn more about this version of Alice and have taken a keen interest in that little scrunkly Caffrin, you can follow AetherAsterisk over at Twitter using the below link:

Be aware that anything related to Caffrin's redemption and beyond is not officially canon to the original Sonic EX AU, though anything mentioned prior most certainly is.

[ixcap]

so i sort of made a fantasy ew au...? i was writing a draft that i might probably publish about the main four going on some adventure into a forest and it's something i wanted to make??? for quite a while??? does that make sense :|

um, here's some character descriptions for tord and matt since i have yet to make edd and tom's designs XD

Tord Olsen

so first things first, tord isn't actually his real name, it was a nickname that had been stuck for a very long time since he kinda felt awkward hearing his birth name out loud.

he's like some kind of species of demon?? honestly, i have no idea

tord met matt first and he has a very close relationship with him

he's the youngest of the bunch, simply about 24 years old.

no one knows he is transgender and the only person he told is matt. also, he is bi

he is a huge nerd about magic and stuff that interests him. if you want to know something, tord is absolutely your guy.

he is kinda insecure about his capabilities.

somehow, he lost his right arm and had a scar on his nose bridge from a very traumatic incident. tord doesn't want to talk about it.

tord doesn't care about pronouns

he can use spells, specifically fire and ice magic, but he prefers to use handmade weapons he built for himself.

oh yeah, tord can build stuff with just one arm, pretty impressive, right?

he doesn't talk much because he is often uncomfortable around people he doesn't know, which makes people assume he's mute.

he enjoys any kind of food.

he loves to do pranks with edd

tord hates that everyone keeps staring at him, considering that demons like him aren't common in every part of the region, except for his hometown.

his relationship with tom is neutral. he does not carry any negative feelings about him, though it varies depending on what his actions are

tord will do whatever it takes to help his friends, even if it means hurting someone, he's doing it for a good reason. so yeah, the dude's morally grey

if you hurt matt in any way, he will murder you in your sleep

(don't fucking say he looks like tubbo. i beg you pls 😩)

Matt Hayes

he is a prince, obviously

a vampire prince

one night, matt was running away from home bcuz he thinks that his life is boring and wanted some adventure, that's when he and tord met.

he thinks tord is wonderful (and rather endearing to look at)

a dramatic asshole, always entering the room with a flare in his step.

he can float! :0

matt is not afraid to bite you when he feels threatened. he is not a pussy

he's genderfluid and pansexual.

he's the second youngest by 26

even though he is a prince, he was taught how to use his powers and learned to wield the sword at a very young age by the royal guard—all because he thought it was pretty cool

his pronouns are he/she/them, but he mostly uses he

matt can defend himself and will suplex you with his strong bod.

since he's a vampire, he can transform into a bat. he takes advantage of this ability to mess with edd.

just like my previous hc with matt, he does love to make tord go crazy with absurd facts.

he doesn't use that many spells. the main reason? he often forgets to chant them.

matt has a short-term memory problem, but not that terrible. still, people believed he's stupid.

matt is not dumb. he can outwit you—heck, even bamboozled you that you might regret underestimating his intellect.

he still cares about his appearance yet not to the extent that is considered extreme.

he loves to wear dresses, especially the frilly ones where he could twirl in them.

matt is a bit of a spoiled brat.

he hates sunlight and fortunately, he can use his cloak to cover himself.

basically, matt is a missing person in his kingdom, which means that his family is searching for his ass. at least don't dress so fancy, dumbhead

matt is chaotic neutral

matt freaks the fuck out whenever tord gets hurt. he cares very deeply about him and practically the real legit friendship he has with someone besides those fake-ass plastic friends back home.

i forgot to mention that his eyes turn red—like bam! when he's in full vamp mode

lol, that's all. hopefully, i had enough time to draw. stay tuned! :p

(edit; i was half asleep since this was posted late, so i'll add some additions i didn't put in last night)

[tevatstavern]

Injuries and affections.

- bennett seems to feel a little worn out after all his adventures lately, maybe its time to head back to Mondstadt and pay you a little visit too while he's at it.

[Bennett x g.n reader] [no t.w] [slight fluff at the end]

a.n my apologies, I made this at like 23:48 and I can't seem to keep my eyes longer lmaoo

-•-

With a huff, he clenched his sword tightly, before wiping off any dirt or sweat that came near in contact with his eyes. One of the last remaining's of Hilichurls, now lying and evaporating into small and thin blue particles, slowly drifting away to the skies.

Grabbing the damaged mask it left on the bristling grass, he decided to keep it. After all, it's a fortune to see a drop from these creatures after all!

As much as he was having fun adventuring off from Mondstadt to Liyue for the first time- including some bad luck striking him down here and there. -he felt tired. Drained, even. At first he thought maybe it was some type of tiredness he didn't know about, but that was proven fake by himself feeling the same as each day passes by a new dawn.

But then it strucked him! Both literally and figuratively. It was how he never stopped himself to relax as he continued on his journey along Liyue.

Most of the time, it was either he got chased down by a swam of Hilichurls, a massive thunderstorm with a high chance of being struck down and losing heat, and some group of Geovishaps that managed to cross paths with him, causing him to retreat in alarm as he watched them quickly roll towards him in such great speed.

He never had a chance to breathe at all. And besides, most of the chests he've found had only vegetables with a occasional artifact and such within them. He appreciates it, he really does! But its taking such a toll on him.

And so, he decided to stop his adventures for now and head back towards Mondstadt. A little break, he says to himself. A little break.

Following the pathway, he slowly made his way towards the bridge. The familiar city with its opened gates filled him with euphoria. The sun rays beaming down on the city, it's windmills moving with the wind, all together. It was truly a sight. And oh boy, he sure does miss it!

Breathing in the air, he sighed happily. The weight on his shoulders while he was traveling in Liyue had suddenly disappeared. Lifting his head high, with his grin plastered across his face, he took his first steps across the bridge.

"I'm--!

-baaaaack..." He groaned out, rubbing his forehead as he lets [y.n] scold him for his reckless behaviour. "Yes I know, and I'm happy to see you! But did you seriously trip over nothing while you were crossing over the bridge?" They sighed, wiping off the excess dirt that nudged his skin from across the table.

"Don't worry, about me [y.n]! I'm already used to it, hehe. Besides, I'm here to relax and see you too!" He grinned, giving them one of their signature thumbs up. They could only shake their head in disbelief, the curve of their lips turning upwards slightly at his adorable gesture.

"A ray of sunshine as always, I see." They replied, their hair flowing gently from the winds. His green eyes observing each strand as the wind blew stronger, his eyes shining brighter with a slightly gaping mouth. Snapping back to reality, he quickly nodded. A small blush slowly forming across his face, he could feel himself heating up.

"Y-yeah! Of course! There's no need to get sad and mopey at such a small thing after all!" He replied, his jumbled up words in the beginning messing up his delivery. With a chuckle, [y.n] retracted their hands before clearing their throat. "Well, at least this time you didn't cause such a mess here, in Good Hunter." A full smile now seen across their face.

Now acknowledging the fact he, infact, didnt cause a single mischief in Good Hunter yet, he gasped in surprise. "You're right! And I've just noticed it now! Is it because... you're right here with me and my bad luck isn't as bad it was before? Hehe, just a guess." He nervously laughed, scratching his head as he felt his face heat up more than the previous one.

Laughing, [y.n] slowly stood up from their chair and walked towards Bennett. Their eyes immediately finding one another as the spark burst through their veins. Though, they were both sure that their hearts were beating faster than usual.

It was no secret that the both of them have been crushing on one another for such a long period of time. The both of them were completely oblivious! 'They were a match made in heaven' the citizens of Mondstadt would say beneath their breaths. Even Kaeya himself, the charming yet flirtatious man could tell they were both lovestruck from a mile away.

"Maybe, but I think thats mostly just you and your positivity today. Come on! we still have to go to Timaeus for some of your equipment and talent skills." Nodding along to their words, Bennett quickly stood up and placed his chair back to its original position, before quickly catching up with [y.n].

"You know... I never gotten to ask how you were doing today." Bennett spoke out, walking slowly as humanly they both could be. Tracing behind them as he stared at the Cathedral from above. The bushes moving softly as the wind blew harder once again. Shielding his eyes with his hand, he blinked a few times before retracting his hand back.

It almost felt like the wind was trying to tell him something...

"Oh, well. Same old same old, I never changed much while you were away. I'm still the good ol' Mondstadt citizen you know."

"Huh? You didn't do anything at all while I was away?"

"Yeah, I didn't find much fun in anything with you gone and away. It was boring, but there wasn't anything I could do."

He was sure his heart skipped a beat, but in a more rapid way. Shaking his head to remove the fuzziness in his mind, he then placed a hand across his chest. Feeling his heart beat in such a rapid pace, just because of their words...

Is this what it feels like to be in love?

"W-woah! That's such a big compliment coming from you... B-but maybe we can hangout with eachother while adventuring! And we can find some treasure chest while we're at it too!" He exclaimed, making his hands turn into a fist before raising it high up to the air with such enthusiasm.

"Well, if you want to! Of course, hehe." He quickly added in. [y.n] could only just chuckle in return, a blush apparent in their features, accepting the invitation in a heartbeat.

"Of course, I wouldn't mind it one bit! Anyways, we're here. Go ahead and do what you need to do with that alchemist powers of yours!" With a chuckle, he gave his signature thumbs up and grin that seems to always be apparent on his face. And immediately went working on the materials needed to build and talents to upgrade.

Though it might've taken quite longer to craft the materials. With them standing by his side, as they idly chatted about common things, sometimes Timaeus would also join in. He could feel his free hand being intertwined by theirs slowly, and then gently squeezing it. So, with a happy stretched smile across his face, slightly hidden by his hair. He squeezed it back reassuringly.

Even if he doesn't get to confess his love yet, a simple affection was enough to make him feel happy and contented the whole day.

"Huh? How come I've only received 10 of these, when I made 23?"

"Bennett, I think your bad luck is starting to come out again..."

-

Not the best;; since it's my first time writing anything for a actual Character. But! If there's any request. I'll try my best to write them down!

[aromantic-misguide-to-romance]

Egg Hunt Nightmare - short review

Devilgrams: Easter Egg Panic! (Diavolo), Race for the Golden Egg! (Mammon), Let's Decorate Eggs! (Beelzebub)

Easter Egg Panic!

The premise is ridiculous. Diavolo caused very stupid trouble again, mostly, and MC runs around with him, trying to help him fix it. Standard, just dumber than usual. The ending excuses it all though and I understand that sacrifices must have been made.

Most of the Devilgram is, as expected from the Nightmare, egg hunt and running after magical eggs. Since the title isn't as obvious as with other Devilgrams, I won't say much about plot.

First 3 episodes are generally not very memorable, but despite the generic topic of egg hunt, the plot is well executed. The scenes surprisingly vary a lot - some faster paced, some calmer, some sweeter, some more comedic, so you don't get bored with one motif stretched for too long. It's a decent mix of comedic action, a sweet word here and there, casually hinting the bond between Diavolo and MC.

That underlying bond naturally opens the door for more romantic exchanges and scenes and gives a reason for this ridiculous premise.

Part 4 is much longer and much more rewarding, so it makes up for the slightly bland previous parts, it's mostly both heartwarming and funny. It also offers a kiss option. Also in that cute sweet adorable situation, if you don't go for the kiss, the alternative suddenly kicks you in the gut with a completely casually dropped angst bomb, so enjoy your screamcat.jpg moments.

Choices: quite okay, nothing rude, nothing stupid, they're incorporated into the story in a believable way. But they're mostly just choice + reaction and most of them don't change anything. One chain of choices however is relevant, as a whole unlocks quite a long and meaningful scene. You have to get them all right to get to the end of it and to the kiss choice.

Music: with the variety of moods that the Devilgram covers, every one of them has a fitting piece playing. Well-chosen.

Very fun Devilgram, worth a try for the comedic moments - spiced up with usual Diavolo angst. It's not groundbreaking though - a decent story rather than a masterpiece.

Race for the Golden Egg!

The Devilgram has plenty of action plot as the title suggests so Mammon and MC are constantly running around but that's pretty much it. It is... not very interesting, and doesn't bring interesting interactions between characters either. It's focused entirely on Mammon's hunt for the golden egg, so it's exactly what it says on the tin. Nothing less, nothing more.

There are two romantic moments, but the first romantic option is disconnected and wasn't properly incorporated into the scene - it's sweet but the transition between it and the plot is very unnatural and throws off.

Of course, it's not one of those Devilgrams with lots of romantic potential, it's rather intended as one of those comedic ones... but it could have more bond between MC and Mammon and most of Mammon's hunt is rather bland than funny anyway. It's too focused on the hunt that it completely doesn't have ideas for. It tries to move the action around but it doesn't bring much variety into the adventure.

Choices: the main problem. You generally can choose between cheering Mammon on to amplify his recklessness or being a jerk, even in romantic scenes. Considering that people probably read Devilgrams to spend time with characters they actually like, I don't think the Devilgram gives any sensible options to react. There are various Devilgrams that make the turn down options actually fun, hilarious and friendly and this… definitely isn't one of them. Good choices aren't fun either since they might come off as making fun of Mammon rather than genuinely helping him - he does mess up specifically because MC was rushing him to dive into action but when MC doesn't rush him - he figures out right away how to get it done. So if you don't feel either like being a jerk or amplifying Mammon's tendencies for laughs but let's say would like to raise the number of braincells from zero to one… no choices for you.

Music: doesn't disturb, it's well-chosen and plays multiple pieces typical to funny moments and shenanigans.

I'd say that this Devilgram is very mediocre - nothing new or interesting about Mammon there, few heartwarming moments, annoying choices, the humour isn't outstanding either.

Let's Decorate Eggs!

The Devilgram is about cooking and decorating eggs, so exactly what it says on the tin, nothing more, nothing less. As such, it doesn't have any plot aside from cooking the eggs and decorating them, obviously, and is much calmer and slow paced than the other two. We don't really see any new unexpected sides of Beel and generally it doesn't offer much plot-wise, but it's a pleasant read.

It shows Beel trying out a new hobby and MC is accompanying him on various tasks related to it - so fortunately it has some variety and not just one scene stretched for 4 episodes.

The story itself is quite fluffy but not overly sweet as it's not focused on romance but spending time together, doing something fun. It has one (1) comedic moment - it's funny but it won't make you wheeze.

As a story with such a limited premise it's definitely well-done. It could be more balanced if it had more romantic moments, so if you look for romance and kisses all over the place, it's not this Devilgram.

Choices: some are boring - MC can either be enthusiastic or meh (bordering on rude, I'd even say) about Beel's ideas, most give just a reaction. There are choices that unlock more romantic scenes and further choices - it's quite easy to guess which choice does that.

Music: well-chosen, it's mostly just music typical for just calm everyday stuff going on, so exactly the right pieces for the story.

In general, the Devilgram doesn't offer anything particularly interesting, but it might be a nice addition to your Devilgram collection if you're interested in spending some time with Beel on a new hobby.

In conclusion, Diavolo's SSR is a fun, good read, Beel UR is just nice, Mammon's UR is skippable… maybe that's good, considering the trouble getting the card...

[grey-eyed-menace]

Hello there.

My name is Lenzie, and well, uh...

I actually don't know how to phrase this, but, as I'm pretty stumped about my three Twisted Wonderland OC's I'd like people to send in questions about them!

I'll accept any and all questions about them, so long as they aren't incredibly inappropriate.

There most basic information, and pretty much all I've come up for them, are listed under their picrews.

And they're all Chibi's because the Chibi picrew had the best selection in my opinion.

Now, without a further ado, here they are!

First up is the Yuuki Cousins! Who, rather regrettably, have been redesigned slightly in that they aren't related, but they still grew up together!

Alongside his lovely co-kidnappee, he's only about sixteen once he ends up in Twisted Wonderland.

This fine gentleman is Yuuki Yuuya, better known as 'Yuu' by his friends, with the added appeal of no one being quite sure if Yuuki or Yuuya is his first name, it's generally assumed Yuuya is, and due to Subaru's last name, people generally reference his last name as Yuuki.

He passes off his everyday fashion as his Dorm Uniform, and Crowley... Can't really contest it, as Ramshackle technically now counts as a dorm...

He's a bit like an over excited puppy, always rushing headfirst into danger and asking questions later, and, is, technically speaking, the real 'MC' of my story, as he is put in Ramshackle with Grim.

He's also a Disney Nerd, and is both completely flabbergasted at his new surroundings and absolutely thrilled.

He also might have a thing about Thorne. Subaru's convinced it's a general 'Cute Bunny' thing, it's not. He's lying. Everything he claims about the situation is a lie.

It's like Agatha and Ortho, the former claims that the latter isn't special to them, and then the latter does the 'smile' thing, and suddenly the former is throwing candy at their creator passive aggressively.

...okay, so maybe it's not like Agatha and Ortho, (and it's definitely not Idia and Agatha because that's a very specific dynamic based on shared pessimism, misanthropy, and what Agatha equates to shared trauma), but nonetheless.

Calls Malleus 'Stranger Danger'.

He also bought a baby sling for Grimm, said Demon-Like-Cat is unamused.

And the other Yuuki attending NRC.

Yuuki Subaru!

Again, like her 'cousin', (it was an easy lie, and at the very least, it guarantees that no one will be loosing their heads over her and Yuu being alone in the same room), she's only about sixteen when they end up in Twisted Wonderland.

She's also incredibly pissed about it.

Subaru, unlike her best friend, is sorted into Pomefiore!

Back home, she was a somewhat small-time up and coming idol... Who was perpetually broke.

She's sorted into Pomefiore on the grounds of her core values... And amusement.

Beyond that, she's a very hard worker and values blunt honesty above all else.

Because she's literally a minute away from decking everyone in the face, and isn't really into keeping up the 'Persona' she had back home unless she's on stage, mostly because there's no point, she's tired, and honestly just wants everyone to shut-up so she can pass out.

She gets along with Leona simply because she feels kinship with the fact that he wants to sleep through most of the day.

Comes up with increasingly weird nicknames for Malleus every time they meet, (first time is Tsunotaro, as is canon, second time is Green-Eye's, third time she's under the genuine impression that his fondness for Thorne means they're related-or dating and calls him Not-Blondie for some reason), infuriates Sebek, amused Lilia, and Thorne is just really... Confused? She wants to say confused.

This is Rista Caspian!

He's the fifth born Prince of the Coral Sea, (and unfortunately NOT the bain of Rielle's school experience at RSA much to his eternal lamentation, fortunately Claire's doing just fine on her own), and a third year at NRC.

He has an adventurous streak a mile wide, and thinks himself something of a troublemaker, even if that's not exactly the truth.

As he's fifth in line for the throne, he doesn't have as many responsibilities as his older brother and and sisters, which freed him to attend NRC on land.

It also resulted in a somewhat... Less than stellar habit of not owning up to his mistakes and a lack of responsibility.

(Also, the entire reason he wasn't picked as Dorm Head? Spite. Pure unfiltered spite. Crowley made one vaguely insulting comment about Queen Minerva and it was war. Tradition be damned.)

His eldest sister, Thea, is the Crown Princess.

In order his siblings are...

Thea, Alan, Renna, Ven, himself, Claire, and Rielle.

Twisted from Ariel's elder sister Arista.

I have a vague idea about his Unique Magic being called 'Siren's Song'.

By the time of Chapter Three, he and Thorne have a weird friendship built on an incident involving them raiding the school kitchen.

And finally, the Disamonia first year, Thorne Brodeur!

The daughter of a very well off family from Pyroxene, and completely human... Er, maybe.

She's a very skittish and quiet young woman who ended up face planting against the Mirror when Subaru and Yuu rushed into the ritual chamber.

Thorne was good friends with Neige LeBlanche as a small child, but eventually, (purposely), fell out of touch with him once his career took off as her father started to push for a much... Different relationship afterwards, she straight up disappears during Chapter Five because of this, and no one can find her. NO ONE.

No one's quite sure what that says about her usual efforts to disappear.

She really doesn't know why she ended up in Disamonia, but Lilia seems endlessly amused by it, and everyone else is vaguely confused.

She's twisted from the Spindle that pricked Aurora's finger.

Her Unique Magic, as it is currently, so far has the working title of 'Wicked Lullaby'.

A good chunk of her hair gets lopped off during Leona's Overblot, and Lilia ends up in evening it out, and to Sebek's eternal frustration, she starts taking after Floyd on how to wear her uniform more casually...

[ghost-chance]

Excerpt from "The Demon King and the Half-Breed Hermit"

Gotta log off for a while after this but first, I wanted to share this (unedited and incomplete) scene. It's for an upcoming (in-the-works) chapter of my Piccolo/OC-centric ▶Dragon Ball post-GT◀ fic, found on my FFnet account. Why am I sharing it? Firstly, it's proof I'm still writing (...trying...) and despite the long wait for new chapters, DK&HBH has NOT been abandoned. (NOTHING has been abandoned!) Secondly, THIS is what happens when I tell myself "I need to start writing characters who can effectively communicate and deal with their emotions like functional adults!" 😑 Yes...AUBERGINE happens.

Hopefully the "Queen of Issues" can make someone smile.

🌲🌳🌲🌳🌲🌳🌲🌳🌲🌳🌲🌳🌲🌳🌲🌳🌲🌳🌲🌳🌲

Life as a single mother was generally a struggle; as a single mother of two half-Saiyan boys, life was a never-ending catastrophe. Fortunately for Son Chi-Chi, both her boys were grown men capable of running their own lives; unfortunately, that left her to manage her household alone. Oh, sure, Gohan and Videl regularly offered to move her into their home and take care of her, but she wasn't quite ready to accept that offer. She was quite capable of taking care of herself…at least, that is, when she wasn't weighed down with groceries and being chased down by a saber-toothed wildcat.

Winded, she stumbled and landed hard on her knees, her bags falling and the contents scattering. One moment she could practically feel the beast's rancid breath on her neck; the next a warning shout split the air, quickly followed by a pained yelp. Chi-Chi scrambled onto her back and stilled at the familiar silhouette cast by the afternoon sun through the trees. Black hair as ragged as ever and eyes dark as pitch, Aubergine held the struggling wildcat by the throat, leaching away its strength. She drained it a little longer before letting it slink away in shame, then looked to her fallen sister-in-law over her shoulder. "Are you hurt?"

"No," Chi-Chi answered as she gathered the spilled goods, then belatedly added "thank you." Aubrey shrugged and hoisted the bags onto her shoulder as the black faded from her eyes.

"Well, someone's got to shield the squishies," she replied instead. The familiar retort used to irritate Chi-Chi, but now she recognized it for what it was: you're welcome. I don't mind. Aubergine's long silences, half-answers, and silence took a while to adjust to but by now it was like a second language to her sister in-law. 

The remainder of the journey to Chi-Chi's home passed in a silence midway between comfortable and awkward, and before she knew it, the matron was stowing away her groceries. Aubergine sat at the table, brooding and fiddling with a small shaker jar from the revolving rack in the middle. Recognizing the speckled contents, she pried the lid open, sniffed at the contents, and sneezed; her eyes and sinuses burned in protest as she jammed it closed and shoved it back on the rack. Yes, she identified it correctly. "So how's Piccolo settling in?" At the resulting silence, she turned to find Aubergine scowling like someone who just chewed five lemons in a row without stopping to sweeten them. "That well, huh?" Chi-Chi teased. I

Aubergine shot her a deadpan glower then exchanged the speckled powder for a jar full of tiny seeds. As if it explained everything, she grunted, "he's not dead yet." These seeds didn't burn her nose but they had a rather unpleasant smell somewhat like rank body odor. Nose scrunching at the stink, Aubrey exchanged the jar for a tall shaker full of tiny white crystals with a much sweeter scent. Over by the table, Chi-Chi gave a knowing smile as the half-breed examined her spices. "I don't understand how one person can require so many of these things," Aubergine muttered surveying the multitude of tiny jars and shakers on the Lazy-Susan. "What's the point of all this crap?" 

"Spices?" Chi-Chi asked, and upon receiving a blank look added, "they make food taste good. As for the number, different dishes require different spices—you can't cook everything with the same ingredients." Aubrey stilled, eyes wide and locked on the three jars she investigated before. "What brought you here anyway?" If Chi-Chi didn't know any better, she'd say the half-breed was embarrassed.

"He quit complaining," Aubrey mumbled. "He used to whine that I was poisoning him; now he doesn't say anything…but…he doesn't have to. I thought…" She fell silent, cleared her throat, then collected the other two bottles and shoved the lot toward Chi-Chi. "Fish. It was worse than usual."

Chi-Chi was used to getting only half the picture from her half-Saiyan sister-in-law but this was even less information than usual. Those three spices were never used in the same dish; then again, this was Aubergine, and Aubergine was quite possibly the worst cook in the realms. "Correct me if I'm wrong," Chi-Chi asked, "but are you saying you cooked fish…with black pepper, cumin, and sugar…?" The half-breed glanced at the jars, read the fading labels, and gave a wary nod; Chi-Chi felt her breakfast threaten reappearance. "No wonder, then," she sighed. "Cumin and pepper can be used on fish but generally not together, and you don't use sugar on seafood."

"This is so stupid." …and so began Aubrey's usual response to statements regarding food as anything beyond life-preserving sustenance. After so many years of hearing the same thing over and over again, Chi-Chi easily tuned out the increasingly loud rant and gathered a few more appropriate seasonings for fish. "Food doesn't have to taste good!" Aubergine spat without regard. "Its only purpose is to keep you from dying of hunger, anything beyond that is friv—" Finally, she went silent. Of course, taking Chi-Chi's frying pan to the skull would shut anyone up.

"There's more to life than just existing," Chi-Chi scolded as Aubergine rubbed the already swelling lump on her skull and growled under her breath. "There's more to life than just survival. We were put on this Earth to thrive, not just not die."

"We were put on this Earth because my dumbass brother didn't have the balls to kill that midget Pilaf from the start." This time she ducked the frying pan. 

"You're missing the point as always," Chi-Chi huffed. "I swear, you're so much like my Goku. Aubergine, when your life's over, you'll have an eternity to look back on what you did. If all you have to look back on is not dying, then what's the point?" Aubergine went silent, glaring at the wall beside her as if blaming it for everything that ever went wrong in her life. It didn't escape Chi-Chi that said wall stood between her kitchen and the home Goku and Aubergine grew up in. Not for the first time, she wondered what the half-breed's life was like in those early years, and what molded her into the distant, bristly woman she was now.

"Life was always enough before." The admission was quiet—half-muffled in Aubrey's mostly flat chest and aimed into the polished tabletop—but to the human matron it had the same impact as a battle cry. "Stay out of danger," the half-saiyan muttered as though reciting some sort of task list. "Find and maintain shelter, locate reliable sustenance, protect your brother…" ..wait for me to come find you. I promise, I'll come find you! Bardock may have been a visionary, but an honest Saiyan, he was not. He never came for them… "That used to be enough…" …until said brother ran off with a blue-haired teenager in search of adventure and left Aubergine behind. Sure, she caught up after a while and tagged along for a few misadventures—living alone in the wilds got boring, after all—but at the end of the day, she couldn't even accomplish the most important of these tasks. She couldn't protect Goku. One hand strayed up to brush her bangs out of her dead eye. She couldn't even protect herself. "Why isn't that enough anymore?"

"Perhaps it never really was enough." Chi-Chi's smile held no judgment and her voice no censure. "Perhaps you're only just realizing it now." Perhaps…Aubergine turned to the window, eyes trained on the distant misty peak of Mt. Paozu. After so many years of feeling stuck in place, maybe it was time to change. "I've offered before and the offer stands—I'll teach you to cook if you'll let me." For the first time, the offer was answered with a long silence instead of some bitter retort or evasive remark, proof in Chi-Chi's mind that the other was finally considering it.

"A year ago none of this would've…" Aubergine fell silent; again, she was driven to brush her bangs away from her blind eye though they weren't impairing her sight. That nervous tic would be the death of her someday… She cleared her throat and tried again. "Nothing mattered a year ago. It still shouldn't matter." Chi-Chi faltered. She recognized where this topic was leading as easily as she knew how Aubergine must have reacted to Piccolo's resurrection. She smoothed the skirt of her long dress and seated herself at the table. The rest of the groceries could wait a bit longer.

"The first time I lost Goku…" I lost Goku. Even after so many times of saying those words, her throat still caught around them; even after how many times Goku died, the very mention still triggered an echo of the day Krillin brought her the news. Her son, missing – her husband, dead – worst of all, the threat wasn't even over. "Well, I was a mess," Chi-Chi finished mildly. The past was in the past—let it lie there in peace. "Every time I lost him, I felt sure it was my fault for not being strong enough to keep him. Every time he came back, I tried harder than before to make him stay…and every time, I lost him again anyway…the last time, for good. He refused to be revived." Even now, the words made her eyes burn and her throat clench, so it was a comfort when Aubergine broke the tense silence.

"He was an idiot like that." The dry remark earned a weak chuckle.

"Indeed. Even now, were he to walk through that door, I'd still take him back. He left us all behind when he refused resurrection, but I'd still welcome him home with open arms." She hummed softly, leaning on her elbows and looking out the nearest window. Already the blue of the sky was deepening and the days, shortening—harvest time might come early this year. "For all his faults, and there were many, Goku was always so much stronger than I ever could be. I could never leave behind those I love, even to keep them safe…he did so without a second thought."

"But when the danger's gone, how does staying dead solve anything?" Aubergine cut in—an unusually long sentence from an unusually brief speaker. "The people he left behind—they still needed him—they depended on him, and he turned his back on them!" Chi-Chi hazarded a glance at her company; Aubergine was off in another world, her vision trained somewhere far beyond the woodgrain of the tabletop. "Didn't he know? Didn't it matter?" Chi-Chi's wrinkle-framed lips tilted into a sly smile.

"He knew there were such people, I'm sure," she answered. "I have a feeling he didn't quite understand what it would put you through." Aubergine gave a faint nod, eyes distant, then startled as she realized the subject change. Both women knew they were no longer talking about Goku; neither was ready to admit it, either. The half-Saiyan's cheeks darkened in embarrassment, but the effect was lessened by the venomous glare aimed out the window. "You never told him, did you?" Chi-Chi pressed.

"Why bother?" Aubergine muttered. "He knew what he was doing. He had to know I'd—" She fell short, remembering vividly the searing pain in her chest from the day the earth was destroyed—the fracturing of a heart timed to the shattering of a planet. From the first wince to the last breath, she felt Piccolo die, and it was a feeling she'd never forget…or forgive. "...I never should have marked the bastard."

Once again, Chi-Chi was given only bits and pieces, but this time she was content with it. If the scars on Aubergine's throat were any indication, the whole picture wasn't one she cared to see.

[skriaki]

TOP 10 NINTENDO SWITCH GAMES 2019 - my arbitrary list!

Sometimes it's good to be proven wrong. I was pretty sceptical when the Switch was first announced, as it didn't seem too different from the Wii U's gamepad. Then I spent two years watching Nintendo enjoy a complete reversal of fortune, to the point of potentially amassing a more compelling library than Sony's or Microsoft's consoles. So that's how I quite suddenly found myself buying a Switch in October 2019, after having resisted the PS4 and Xbone for five whole years, and my free time has since been dominated by this little machine that defied the odds.

Some of Nintendo's business decisions can still seem inexplicable, but releasing a powerful handheld console that can also be docked with a TV at a moment's notice has proved to be an inspired idea, rather than the gimmick the Wii U's gamepad mostly turned out to be. And along with Nintendo's dependable series of top-notch exclusives, the Switch has enjoyed much better third-party support, which is how I ended up buying Dark Souls for the fourth bloody time just because the option to play it portably was too tempting to resist.

The Switch is the first console I've bought since the PS3 and for all Nintendo's quirks, there's a reason the Switch has dominated Christmas wishlists for three years running. Games like Super Mario Odyssey feel like full-size adventures that just happen to have a portable option, as opposed to handheld games you can also play on the big screen. This is the first year in a long while that I've actually played enough topical titles to justify a "games of the year" list, even if my recent Nintendo bias is pretty blatant.

So with that caveat in mind, and in no particular order, here's my entirely subjective list of the best Nintendo Switch games of 2019.

Luigi's Mansion 3

This is a franchise I'd always been curious about and can finally have an opinion on. The process of going from floor to floor of the hotel hoovering up ghosts and solving puzzles is pretty straightforward, but Luigi's Mansion 3 has so much polish and personality crammed into the cartridge. Luigi is immediately lovable as a determined coward, and each level has a wildly different theme that's realised with extravagant audio and visual flair, so progress always feels rewarding. Though this isn't true horror by any means, there can be an unsettling atmosphere and some of the bosses are pretty freaky. I officially love this oddball franchise and am desperate for a chance to play the story again in co-op. Unquestionably a first-class exclusive.

Doom (Switch port)

Not to be confused with the impressive Switch version of Doom 2016, this is the iconic Doom made cheap and accessible. While purists may take issue with some minor technical deviations, this is the first time I've got most of the way through Doom because the portability and *glorious* true dual-stick control makes this easily my favourite version. There's even a cheat menu for when I just want to mindlessly punch hell beasts. The main thing that ages Doom is its maze-like structure, but playing it casually experience alleviates that frustration somewhat. At a grand total of four pounds, this is a BFB (big fucking bargain).

Untitled Goose Game

You know a game is good when the only asterisk I put on my recommendation is that it *may* be overpriced. Untitled Goose Game took the internet by storm this year because it's the quintessential indie game: cute, simple and with anti-authoritarian undertones. As a horrible goose, it's your mission to cause havoc in an unsuspecting English village, interacting with people and objects to cause chain reactions of chaos. Some of the puzzle solutions are maybe a bit obscure, but 90% of the time just messing around with everything in the area will lead to a solution. Untitled Goose Game makes up for its brevity with sheer comedic charm, feeling much better-designed than a "lul so random" affair like Goat Simulator. A honking good time.

Terraria (Switch port)

I have spent literally hundreds of hours on the PC version of Terraria, so when I was broke after buying my Switch the new Terraria port was an obvious cost-effective choice. While the controls aren't as precise, the amount of time spent mining and sorting through loot makes this a great handheld experience. I can't comment on the multiplayer options but few games represent such a sheer value for money, as there's always a new cave to explore or a new boss to overcome. Time has been kind to this 2011 classic, grind notwithstanding.

Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair

While I personally enjoyed the original Yooka-Laylee, it was definitely flawed and I never seriously expected to see a sequel. But Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair launched quite abruptly and did a pretty spectacular job of upstaging its predecessor. All the previous game's half-baked feel has been replaced with clever design touches, like the equippable tonics which grant helpful abilities at the cost of a currency penalty. The titular Lair is actually the final level and available to throw yourself at right from the beginning, but beating it without first obtaining more hitpoints by completing other stages is incredibly hard, which is a great way to incentivize progress without denying more confident players the option of beating the game earlier if they can meet the challenge. Impossible Lair might be this year's biggest surprise, and despite a modest budget I think it's worthy of comparison to excellent 2D platformers like Rayman Legends. Just don't expect to defeat Capital B on your first attempt.

A Hat In Time (Switch port)

I recently reviewed A Hat In Time but at the risk of repeating myself, it's one of the most charming games of the last few years and an incredibly impressive crowdfunded achievement. Mario's offerings may be a grander technical feat, but A Hat In Time is a fast and fabulous journey through a series of weird and wonderful worlds that all feel distinct in content and tone. It's very openly inspired by GameCube-era platformers like Mario Sunshine and Psychonauts and it easily scratches that itch. Simply one of the best original platformers of this generation, and I defy you not to love Hat Kid's cheeky antics.

Spyro Reignited Trilogy (Switch port)

As someone who thinks the original Spyro trilogy holds up better than most early 3D games, I'd have actually preferred a simple port rather than a full remake, but The Reignited Trilogy is honestly impeccable. The updated visuals are gorgeous while maintaining the general style of those old, jaggy models, and very little of the gameplay or content has changed except for sensible updates like the ability to immediately warp between every level you've visited. Having full dual-analogue control is also an absolute godsend even for a PS1 veteran like me. Though Spyro may seem a bit basic these days when faced with modern platformer marvels, the Reignited Trilogy makes these old favourites accessible again at a generous price point.

Ring Fit Adventure

Yes, I have a Wii kicking around in a box somewhere. No, Wii Fit never held my attention as anything more than a curiosity. Ring Fit Adventure, meanwhile, is limited only by my cholesterol-encrusted heart and dislike of excessive showering. This is an honest-to-goodness attempt at making an RPG out of a workout toy, and the amount of polish put into the game's presentation and hardware implementation is pretty remarkable. Levels involve jogging on the spot and squeezing the ring accessory to collect goodies and overcome obstacles, and periodically you'll engage in turn-based combat where you use a custom selection of exercise moves to deal damage. It's a fantastic idea pulled off much more elegantly than it sounds. The ring accessory unfortunately makes this quite an expensive game, so it'll take a lot of regular use to get your money's worth, but I can honestly (and surprisingly) say that exercise suddenly becomes more compelling when it's presented as a light RPG adventure with anthropomorphic gym equipment encouraging you to take breaks and drink plenty of water.

Pokémon Sword/Shield

Disclaimer: I can only give my impressions from 25 hours of playing Pokémon Shield, so this is DEFINITELY not a full review. That being said, this is still an easy recommendation to existing Pokemaniacs and a good starting point for any new acolytes. While the core formula hasn't evolved (har har) much since the very first Pokemon, Sword and Shield still has a number of modern quality of life improvements that make previous generations show their age. I've had so much fun building a core crew of cute and/or badass 'mons in a weird Nintendo version of Britain, and the online features combine with a VASTLY improved random encounter system to make grinding far less of a concern. The wild area takes some getting used to, but it's satisfying to come back and capture the huge Onyx you had to run away from a few hours before. Even if Pokémon Sword/Shield has some technical blemishes and could have pushed the series further in some regards, it's still easy to see why this franchise has maintained such a beloved status for so long.

Red Faction: Guerrilla Re-mars-tered (Switch port)

Along with Dark Souls, Red Faction was a game I never even knew I needed on the go, but now I've got it I can't imagine ever going back. A cult classic due to its amazing destruction physics, Red Faction sees you leading a proletariat revolution on Mars, literally tearing down corporate monuments to free the working class from systematic oppression. The open world is a bit claustrophobic and the shooting isn't exactly mind-blowing, but there's a reason I've beaten Red Faction every couple of years ever since its original 2009 release. The Switch port does the game justice and if you set the difficulty to easy then this is one of the best rage-venting experiences money can buy. So yes, I recommend getting your ass to Mars.

[storydays]

"Gods have mercy!" Scholar Vash cried. "Angus...Grenn..." Ezra placed his head in his hand. "Oh no.." Nia covered her mouth with her hands, before kneeling down next to Agnus' body, brown eyes glistening with tears. Her lips moved in a silent prayer. A faint golden glow surrounds her, and a warm breeze rustles the overgrown grass..but then faded away. 

"I can't help them, they're gone. Beyond the Light's reach." she said sadly. "I can't believe this. We saw them alive just last night." Ezra muttered. "With the adventurer, Mal! Y-You don't think..." Kade looked at his brother nervously. "Mal didn't do this. I can't know for certain but..I don't think this was his doing. There's nothing in it for him; neither Angus nor Grenn had anything worth stealing." Ezra said, firmly. 

"Yeah, I agree. I don't think this was him." agreed the younger. "But then...where is he? And who did this?" looking around as if the brunette was hanging around. Scholar Vash paced around, shaking his head.  "This is an affront to the Light! A blasphemy! Whoever is responsible has desecrated a place of worship. A holy place!" He ranted. 

"Ezra, what should we do?" asked Kade, looking at his brother hopefully. "I'm going to examine the area. There are bound to be clues around here." The thick, unkempt grass is difficult to see through, but after a moment, Ezra's sharp eyes could see a pattern emerging. His hand hovered over the faint trail of trampled grass, until he saw multiple pairs of footprints. 

"Looks like the victims were ambushed here. Probably by a group lurking behind this column, there's at least six sets of  ambushers' footprints. " He mumbled out loud, forgetting about his audience. "Six?" Nia squeaked. "And one of them is massive." The elf concluded. 

"Six enemies, one of them massive...not a fan of those odds. Do you think this has something to do with the relic?" Kade asked, running a hand through his hair. "Speak clearly now, boy. What relic?" Vash turned towards the teen, who shrugged. "I don't know! It's just something Mal said back in town! That he had a tip there was a powerful relic, and he was going to find it."

"Then it's true; I had to hope it was a myth, but by the Gods above and below, it must be true. I believe there is an ancient artifact hidden deep within this temple. Forgotten to time, relegated to legend. An Onyx Shard." The old man said mysteriously. "Seriously? The Onyx Shards are real?" Kade gaped. "You've heard of them? Kade, what's he talking about?" 

"They're the last relics that the Shadow Court left behind after the Great War. Cursed artifacts of terrible power. Very very very bad stuff." Kade explained. "I came upon the locations of the Shards in an ancient text last year. Seeing these bodies here, I may not be the only one who knows their location. Please! If whoever did this is after the Shard, we need to protect it. We can't let it fall into the wrong hands!" 

Ezra shared a look with Kade, noting his reluctance before clapping his brother's shoulder, then looking at Vash. "We'll accompany you inside to get this Shard. But if we bump into whoever did this, we're all running like hell. Understood?" "Let's just hope we find it before they do."Vash said gravely. Ezra drew his sword, and led the way to the main archway into the temple grounds. 

"This place isn't the best shape, is it?" Kade coughed. "Once it was majestic, regal. Packed day and night. Have we truly fallen so far from the Light?" Vash lectured. Ezra sighed at the sad vines; seeing nature so sad hurt his heart. The group stopped in front of the tunnels, one going left and one going right. "Stop...something feels off. Be careful where you step." Ezra warned. "Ezra? What should we do now?" Nia asked. 

"We should look for traps." He crouched to examine the floor tiles on the left side, noting one was raised an inch above the others and gave in slightly when he touched it. "That's a pressure plate if I ever saw one. I think this way's booby trapped." He glanced to the right looking at groove in the floor tile like centuries of feet have worn out the stone. 

"The right path looks well-traveled. Let's see where it leads." He decided. The group followed the path which began to slope down, spiraling in on itself. "Gods, how deep does this thing go?" Kade asked aloud. "Only the top level of the temple was open to the public. The lower levels, the catacombs, were for the priests and priestess." Vash explained. "To study and pray?" Nia wondered. "And to hide away from the dark." said the old scholar. 

Finally they reached the path deep below the complex. A stone door stands before them, but it was clearly forced open.  Ezra held the door open and gaped at the treasure piled up in the grand chamber. "I can't believe this has been here all along! If we explored this place ourselves, we could've become ri--" Kade cleared his throat, catching Scholar Vash glaring at him. "Ri....diculously pious adherents of the Light." Ezra snickered at his brother's misfortune. 

Vash approached a pedestal with scattered with golden chains and goblets. He gently picked up a large green crystal the size of a watermelon from the pile. "That is definitely not onyx." whistled Ezra. "No, it's not the Shard," chuckled Vash, "but it's still quite fascinating. I must bring it back to Whitetower with me for further study." Everyone was distracted looking at the treasure. Even Nia was admiring  a jewel encrusted old tome. 

"I can't believe it...how was here, all this time? And no one ever robbed it?" Kade furrowed his brow. "Maybe, no one knew it was here. Kade, we live a day away and we  had no idea." Ezra mumbled. "Yeah, well, it's pretty, but I don't like it one bit. If the people who murdered Angus and Grenn weren't after this treasure...Then what are they after?" "The Onyx Shard." Nia said solomonly. 

"We'd better keep moving." Ezra said, standing up. At the end of the room sits a heavy wooden fortified by twisting metal runes. Scholar Vash examines it closely before brightening. "Ah, yes! The ancient elves often used elaborate mechanisms to lock their secrets away. I've always wanted to solve one. They test your deep knowledge of elven linguistics!" He continued on to himself. 

Ezra rolled his eyes, Nia and Kade giggling at his dry remark. "That sounds....delightful." Scholar Vash ignored him and focused on the puzzle in front of him. "Seems quite simple...If I just press this...and turn this." 

Nothing happened. 

"Ah, well. I may need a moment." He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. Kade cleared his throat quietly. "Psst, Ezra. While he's busy with that, what do you say we keep scoping out  this treasure room? I think there's some hidden rooms down the back! We could go check them out...see what else this place has to offer." "Oooh! I would be interested in that! I recall seeing some fascinating statues.." Nia and Kade looked at Ezra expectantly. 

"Let's do it. That sounds way better than just sitting around here. Let's take a quick look around and see what we can find." While Vash continues tinkering with the door, the three younger ones headed deeper into the vault.  "So Nia, any idea why this treasure is all here?" asked Ezra. "These are offerings. Believers used to bring them as tribute to their Gods." Nia explained. "So like..bribes? People paying off the Gods to grant them fortune and favor?"

"No, not like that. The offerings are given voluntarily, with no expectations of reward. They're a reflection of gratitude, of thankfulness." Nia smiled. "Huh, that seems wasteful." Ezra mused. "Wasteful?" Nia asked, eyes wide. "I'm just saying...think of how many people this gold could feed. Think of how many sick, and wounded, and vulnerable, it could provide. " Ezra bit his lip in irritation. Nia paused, deep in thought. 

"I do see your point. There is much practical good that could come from this wealth, but there are other concerns here other than the materials. Faith and devotion, for example. It's not enough to live; It's a question of what you live for." Her smile fell when Ezra scoffed slightly. "Tell that to everyone who's starving." Kade looked around, curiously. "Rationally, I know I should be way more scared given we're in an ancient temple and we just found two people brutally murdered..." he broke into a giant grin. "But I still can't really believe this is happening! We're on an adventure! A real adventure! Imagine what an amazing story this'll make!" He danced excitedly. 

"You really love telling stories, don't you Kade?" giggled Nia. Kade's smile dropped slightly, and Ezra's gaze soften. "Well, yeah. Stories are really important to me. They're how I see the world." He hesitated, a somewhat sentimental expression on his face. "I-I was a really sick kid. Bedridden until I was 6, on the brink of death. Stories were all I had, I read every book in town, and when I ran out of books to read, I started to write them." 

"Kade was a precocious kid." Ezra spoke softly. "I always thought that was how I'd  live life. Ezra was the adventurer, the dreamer. I was content to just read about things like that. But maybe I misjudged myself. Maybe I can be someone who goes out there, who has wild adventures, who sees the world." He peeked through his lashes shyly at Ezra who smiled with joy at his brother. "Maybe I be a hero." Ezra's grin grew wider. "Damn right, brother."

"Look! Over there! A passage!" Nia led the way into a vast hall with mostly crumbled ancient statues. "This is a Hall of Gods! It must be hundreds of years old." The group spread out, gazing at the statues. Ezra walked towards the statue of a winged monstrous warrior clutching a spiked club. Nia followed the elf warily. "I don't know this one...It isn't one of the Gods I recognize." Ezra blinked. "You don't know all of the Gods?" "If you go back far enough you'll find different pantheons and interpretations....But I've never heard of one like this." 

Ezra studied the statue's brooding expression, its marble eyes simmering with hate. "I don't like it. It's too realistic." mumbled the elf. "Me neither." Nia shuddered. "Hey!" The two turned towards Kade's shout. "Wanna see something hilarious?" The teen held up an old ceramic vase with a creepy face painted on, and tries to copy its expression, but drops it and winces as it shatters. "Oops." He chuckled nervously. The shards shake and rattle and a spectral shape bursts out, lashing through the air with tendrils of smoking flame. 

Ezra quickly ran over to his brother's side, hand on his sword hilt. The spirit hissed, clearly pissed. "What in the hell is that?" Ezra cried. The creature's body pulsed and swelled, hungry eyes boring into the white haired elf, before hissing angrily. "Wait! I know what this is!" Kade called from behind Ezra. "It's a vorglin! I read about that in the Tome of Beasts that traveling merchant had! It's a spectre that feeds off psychic energy, specifically fear! " he explained. 

"So," Ezra hummed, "What if we feel other strong emotions? Could that drive it away?" "Actually....yes! That just might work! Think about something other than fear! Think of a time when you felt something really intense!" Kade stated. The vorglin hissed, clearly annoyed. Ezra turned his gaze back onto the red spirit, one of his saddest, painful memories coming to mind. The day he and Kade had laid their mother to rest; their father passed a few months earlier and it seemed their mother couldn't bear to be without her love. 

'It was raining, cold and wet. Kade and I were standing side by side, in the field as they buried her, right next to her  love. She and Father were the town's best seamstress and farmer, and they would sorely be missed. I was so heartbroken that day, I shut everyone out, Grenn, Annika and I even shut Kade out for a few weeks. I remember saying goodbye.' Ezra blinked when the vorglin pulses, gorging on your emotions. It lets out a satisfied wheeze, before disappearing into a puff of smoke, dropping something on the floor with a heavy thud. 

Ezra cautiously approached what was on the floor and nudged it with the tip of his boot. "T-This is solid gold!" He exclaimed in surprise. "Then we're lucky! When a vorglin is fed emotions it doesn't enjoy, it transforms them into an elemental discharge! It's usually iron or brass...but gold? Jackpot!" Kade cheered. "Are you saying that orb is the creature's waste?" Nia exclaimed, disgust clear in her face. 

"Heh, it literally craps gold." Ezra snickered, before breaking out into a loud laugh, Kade and Nia laughing along with him. Kade picked up the orb and tucked it into his bag. "Are you all right with is keeping this, Priestess? It's not an offering, and it might be worth quiet a bit." Kade's green eyes shine with glee, and hope. Nia bit her lip before replying hesitantly. "I...suppose." She said finally. 

"Now then, let's head back before Scholar Vash realizes we're gone." Ezra said, leading the younger two to Vash, just as he traced a final rune, and the door swung open with a whoosh! The scholar laughed in triumph. "There you go! A piece of cake, as they say! Nothing to it!" He looked back at Ezra who was hiding a grin. "Thank you for waiting patiently, I do hope it wasn't a bother."  Gold eyes look over at Kade and Nia before looking back at Vash. "Not. At. All." He chuckled. 

Vash gestured ahead, and with a firm grip on his sword, Ezra led the way. "Wait." He murmured lowly. "Does anyone else hear voices?" Knowing his brother's hearing was sensitive, Kade quieted down, and gestured for Nia and Vash to do the same. Ezra motioned for the others to be quite, until Nia spoke up. 

"What is that?" she asked in a harsh whisper.

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