#from here on in we shoot without a script <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[sammaggs]

🚨🚨 This is one of the first M/M gay kisses on scripted North American television 🚨🚨

and I frankly am of the opinion that this should be studied in queer theory classes in schools!!

due South’s Mountie on the Bounty Part 2 aired March 22, 1998 and includes the infamous “Buddy Breathing” scene, featuring THIS underwater kiss between Paul Gross’s Benton Fraser and Callum Keith Rennie’s Ray Kowalski. And it’s one of the first times anybody—ANYBODY—got away with it.

8min 20sec in and yes it’s that dark for a reason baby

For date- and network-specific relevancy, the commonly-accepted first M/M gay kisses on network TV are usually listed as

Dec. 6 1998 on That 70’s Show, where a gay Joseph Gordon-Levitt forces himself on Topher Grace (here at 2:24),

with the first popular and passionate gay M/M kiss between canonically queer characters on network TV not airing until Dawson’s Creek in 2000.

There were a few others before this in ‘94: two straight men as a joke on Friends, an unscripted kiss on The Real World (cable), and a real scripted gay kiss on (Paul Gross-starring) Tales of the City which aired on public broadcaster PBS, nearly getting them defunded. But prime time network TV, we’re usually looking at December of ‘98.

Which is why t’s definitely worth noting that Mountie on the Bounty Pt. 2 aired over 8 months before the episode of That ‘70s Show in March 1998!

So why can’t we count it as THE first? Well, it’s complicated. In the U.S., seasons 3 and 4 of due South were relegated to syndication on basic cable network TNT (typically at, like, 1 P.M. on weekdays).

But this absolutely DID air on CANADIAN prime time network television on CTV, and it DID still air on syndicated U.S. TV (important enough to warrant a TV Guide write-up!), so that’s why I’ve classified it the way I have.

Imagine the absolute balls it took to write, get network approval for, shoot, and air without censorship, an M/M slash LIFE-GIVING KISS on TELEVISION (cable or not) in the year 1998. HUGE. (And, of course—spoiler warning for a 30-year-old television show—Fraser and Kowalski ride off into the sunrise together at the end of the series, and they got away with that, too.)

Paul Gross, the man that you are,

(Also huge thank you to @systematic-and-somehow-tragic who tracked down the 1997 TV Guide from whence I drew this snippet. Set ‘em up, knock ‘em down!)

[pankowcrumbs]

Together X Will Poulter (Requested)

MasterList

Will Poulter Masterlist

It had rained the day we got married.

Not the kind of dreary, grey drizzle that ruins hair and clings to silk, but the sort of cinematic rain that you’d see in a slow-motion montage sunshine breaking through clouds, droplets catching on eyelashes, the smell of earth and roses in the air. The universe, as it turns out, has a wicked sense of poetic timing.

We got married in the Lake District. Small ceremony, close friends and family, nothing too over-the-top. Just… us. Which, after ten years of red carpets, photoshoots, and press junkets, was exactly what we both needed. No flashing bulbs. No stylists lurking in the corner. Just Will, me, and a vow whispered against the steady rhythm of rain on the windows.

And now, six months later, here we were again lugging suitcases through Heathrow at 6 a.m., eyes bleary, arms full, laughing at something neither of us would remember later.

“I’m gonna miss you like mad,” Will murmured, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear as we paused at my gate.

I offered a sleepy smile. “It’s just two weeks. You’ve had press tours longer than that.”

He frowned, always dramatic when we were parting even if it was temporary. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

I kissed his cheek. “You don’t have to like it. Just promise you’ll eat something other than toast and coffee while I’m gone.”

He grinned. “No promises.”

It wasn’t glamorous, this life not the way people thought it was. The real stuff, the love, the effort, the everyday commitment that happened off camera. In the way he’d stay up until 3 a.m. just to FaceTime me from a hotel in Atlanta. In the way I’d sit through twenty different takes on a self-tape with him, even if I could recite his lines better than he could. In the way we learned to wait for each other, even when our lives were moving at a hundred miles an hour in opposite directions.

I watched him walk away once I passed through security his lanky frame swaying slightly lighter now with the weight of my carry-on that I’d made him hold until the very last second gone. My heart tugged a little, the way it always did.

Distance was part of the deal. But so was trust. And we had buckets of that.

I was sat in a trailer in Dublin, filming an indie project that made me cry when I first read the script. It was the kind of role I’d always wanted raw, flawed, fearless. It drained me, lit me up, and terrified me all at once. And Will? He was my biggest cheerleader.

He sent a voice note every morning, without fail. Sometimes it was just a sleepy “good morning, love,” and sometimes it was a ten-minute ramble about a new coffee shop he’d found or a weird dream he’d had about being chased by a giant sandwich.

But the one I got on my final shoot day made my breath hitch.

“I’m proud of you. I know you’re scared sometimes, and that you carry more than you let on. But I see you. I see how hard you work. And I hope you know, no matter what happens, you’ve already won. You’re everything.”

I blinked back tears and texted him a shaky photo of me holding the script with mascara running down my cheeks. “You’re going to ruin my last scene, you idiot.”

“You’re gonna smash it, superstar.”

Later that summer, it was my turn to sit in the audience.

Will had landed a lead in a dark, gritty crime series his first real foray into something more dramatic after years of comedy and Marvel fanfare. I watched from the wings of the BAFTA screening room as his episode aired, the tension in the room palpable. He was breathtaking. Subtle, tortured, magnetic.

When the credits rolled and the applause started, I was already halfway to my feet.

He looked for me instantly, scanning the crowd until our eyes met. And the smallest smile broke across his face private, quiet, just for me.

At the afterparty, someone asked him what inspired his performance. He didn’t say much he never bragged. But he slid his hand into mine and said softly, “Y/n keeps me grounded.”

There were harder days, too.

Like the time I didn’t get a part I’d pinned all my hopes on. A career-defining role. I’d made it to the final two, only to be told I “didn’t quite have the look they wanted.”

I cried on the bathroom floor that night, still in my audition clothes, makeup streaked and blouse creased.

Will sat beside me in silence at first. He always knew when I needed space. Then, eventually, he handed me a glass of wine and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

“You’re not defined by the parts you lose,” he said quietly. “They missed out. They don’t even know how badly.”

I turned into his chest and sobbed like a child. “I wanted it so badly.”

“I know, love,” he murmured. “And one day, they’ll all be chasing you.”

`

We bought a house outside London not long after. Not huge. Not flashy. But it had a garden and a library nook and a kitchen where we could cook badly and dance even worse. It was ours.

In between jobs, we’d spend lazy mornings in bed reading scripts out loud. I’d make up ridiculous accents. He’d forget lines on purpose so I’d have to ad-lib and play along.

We’d write little ideas on scraps of paper and stuff them in a shoebox labelled “someday.” Films we wanted to make. Characters we wanted to become. Lines we wanted to say to each other onscreen one day.

“I want us to work together again,” Will said one night as we watched the rain roll down the windows, heads leaning together on the sofa.

“We will,” I said. “When the timing’s right.”

“I want to play opposite you as someone who gets to kiss you in the end,” he murmured.

I smiled, pressing a kiss to the side of his jaw. “You already do.”

Award season came around again the following year.

This time, it was Will’s nomination.

He looked unfairly good in his tux nervous and giddy, squeezing my hand in the car as if he was sixteen again.

I watched him all night. Watched how people greeted him. Watched how his humility shone brighter than any spotlight. He never stopped looking for me in a crowd. Never stopped making me feel like I was the only one in the room.

When they called his name as the winner, he froze.

I laughed, nudged him. “Go! That’s you!”

He stumbled onstage with wide eyes and a stunned smile. His speech was short, heartfelt, stammered and real.

And when he thanked me, his voice cracked.

“To my wife… who’s been my anchor, my mirror, my muse. I wouldn’t be standing here without you. You’re the best scene partner I’ve ever had, on and off camera.”

I cried into my champagne flute.

That night, we snuck away from the afterparty early. Back to the hotel room. Will kicked off his shoes, threw his bow tie on the armchair and sank into the bed with a groan.

“You looked like James Bond out there,” I teased.

He laughed, pulling me down beside him. “And you looked like every reason I’ve ever believed in love.”

I cupped his face. “You deserve all of this, Will. Every second of it.”

He kissed me like a promise.

There were no scripts in our hands that night. No cameras. No lines.

Just the quiet certainty that whatever came next whatever roles, whatever rejections, whatever red carpets we’d be there.

Clapping from the wings.

Waiting at arrivals.

Learning lines in bed, one eye on each other and the other on the dream we’d built together.

We weren’t just actors. We were a team.

And every day, in a hundred tiny ways, we were still choosing each other.

Over and over again.

We got the offer on a Tuesday.

I’d just come home from a late table read, hair twisted into a bun that looked more like a bird's nest than anything remotely intentional, mascara half-worn and jumper stolen from Will’s side of the wardrobe. I remember flopping onto the sofa, kicking off my boots, and hearing him call from the kitchen, “How do you feel about falling in love with me… again?”

I blinked at him, confused. “I do that every day, babe. Bit greedy, asking for more.”

He walked over, script in hand, and dropped it onto my lap. A new indie romance, small budget, great director, achingly intimate. The kind of story you felt more than watched. And there, printed clearly on the casting page:

Lead roles: Jamie and Eliza. Attached: Will Poulter. Offer out to: Y/n L/n.

My heart thudded. “You’re joking.”

“I swear on your secret chocolate stash I only found out this morning.”

“You found my stash?!”

“That’s not the point,” he laughed. “The point is… they want us.”

We said yes.

Of course we did.

Rehearsals started 3 months later, and it was… surreal, walking into a room where people handed us coffee and called us “the leads.” We’d always joked about it late-night fantasies, sketching ideas on napkins, “what if” stories told between mouthfuls of takeaway.

But this? This was real. Lights, marks, call sheets. A full crew watching us fall in love all over again. Only this time, with a script.

It was delicate, the story. Jamie and Eliza were friends who’d grown up together, fallen out, and found their way back to each other. There were no dramatic twists or explosive moments just stolen glances, quiet kitchen scenes, and dialogue so intimate it felt like secrets whispered under the covers.

One afternoon during rehearsals, we were blocking a scene on the couch Eliza curled up with a cup of tea, Jamie trying to apologise for something he hadn’t yet found the words for.

Will looked at me differently in that moment. Not as my husband, but as Jamie. Hesitant, nervous, full of longing. I almost forgot to speak my line.

“Still with us, Y/n?” the director asked gently.

I blinked. “Yeah. Sorry. Got a bit caught up.”

Will smirked. “Told you I was convincing.”

“Don’t let it go to your head, Poulter.”

The kiss scenes were… interesting.

We weren’t strangers, of course, but kissing for the camera had a weird sort of choreography to it. You had to find the right angle, hit the light just so, avoid squishing your faces together too awkwardly.

And yet, somehow, it still felt like ours.

The first time we filmed one, the set fell completely silent. It wasn’t steamy or over-the-top just gentle, slow, full of history.

When the director called cut, there was a beat of silence before someone whispered, “Blimey, that felt real.”

Will turned to me, eyes crinkling with amusement. “Was it real for you?”

I rolled my eyes, smirking. “Bit better than our first kiss at that dodgy pub in Shoreditch.”

“I knew you were going to bring that up!”

We dissolved into laughter, completely wrecking the take.

Some scenes hit harder than I expected.

There was one in particular Jamie and Eliza, sat on the floor at 3 a.m., tired and raw, admitting how scared they were of losing each other.

We filmed it after a long day, the crew reduced to whispers, the set dressed like a real home: worn cushions, flickering candles, a record player spinning something soft and crackly.

I looked at Will, and for a moment, I wasn’t Eliza. I was just… me. And I saw it mirrored in his eyes too.

“I don’t know who I am without you,” I whispered, repeating the line as written.

He swallowed hard, voice low. “You don’t ever have to find out.”

Even after the director called cut, we stayed sitting there for a bit holding hands in silence.

Outside of set, not much changed between us.

He still made me tea that tasted faintly of dish soap. I still stole his hoodies and hogged the duvet. We still argued over what takeaway to get on Sundays.

But something about working together made everything sharper. Like we were rediscovering corners of each other we hadn’t touched in years.

He’d lean in close between takes, forehead against mine, whisper, “You’re so bloody good at this.”

Or I’d watch from behind the monitor as he ran a monologue with trembling hands, and my heart would ache with how proud I was of him.

There was something beautiful about knowing someone that deeply and then watching them transform right in front of you.

The final scene of the film was just us. No extras, no sound beyond the wind and the hum of the countryside.

Jamie and Eliza, standing in the field where they’d first kissed as teenagers.

It was twilight. Golden hour. Perfect lighting.

I was meant to say something. A line about fate, or home, or whatever metaphor the script had crafted.

But instead, I just looked at Will.

And he looked back at me like he already knew.

The cameras rolled.

We stepped toward each other.

And in the quiet, unscripted beat between dialogue, he whispered not as Jamie, but as himself

“This feels like us.”

I didn’t answer. Just kissed him like it was the first time and the last all at once.

The director let the shot run for a full thirty seconds longer than planned. When he finally called “cut,” no one moved.

Then the crew burst into applause.

We wrapped a week later. And I cried in the trailer like an idiot.

Will found me with tissues tucked into my sleeves, blinking back tears and pretending I wasn’t sniffling like a child.

He pulled me into a hug, kissed the top of my head.

“We’ll do it again,” he promised. “Different script. Different story. Same us.”

“You really think we’ll get another one?”

He smiled. “You forget you’re brilliant. I’d cast you in everything.”

“Even as Batman?”

“Especially as Batman.”

The film premiered six months later.

We walked the red carpet hand in hand, still the same people who shared toothbrushes and argued over dishwasher stacking but also something more.

People asked us about our “chemistry,” and we smiled politely, gave the same rehearsed answers.

But when the lights went down in the cinema and the first scene played, Will reached over and laced our fingers together.

And I thought not for the first time that the best kind of love stories are the ones you don’t need to perform.

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character 2024 — Scripted Redemption Bracket — Round 3.5

Propaganda

Bryony Halbech (Red Valley) (Boba Count: 3):

Dr. Bryony Halbech is someone who's very dedicated to her research even so far as to killing multiple people and purposefully causing the suffering of others to gather scientific data. She DOES NOT hesitate to kill anyone who stands in her way and WILL make you saw cryonically preserved bodies with her, can you think of anyone sexier than that?

Bryony is without a doubt the worst person I have ever found hot and I have 0 regrets.

SHE’S BACK GUYS

Rowan Chow (Camp Here & There):

Rowan Chow is a camp counselor at Camp Here & There who is afraid of the sky because of the terrible visions of doom he gets from it. Even though he's described as gloomy and shy, the creators of the podcast have said he'd probably be the best at flirting. We even see him make a move at another camp counselor in one of the episodes which made ME blush

Art of Rowan courtesy of @fishiestars.

Additional propaganda below the cut:

Bryony Halbech (Red Valley):

Everyone leans in when she speaks, she commands such a presence. Scientist lady with dubious morals, my favorite villain ever, autism girl swag. Brought a gun to a bomb fight and lived. Decapitated someone. WOMEN IN STEM! I love her guys vote Bryony.

Guys! Did you not hear the way this woman says the word ‘vivarium’!

#is she pure evil and has committed hundreds of atrocities #yes.... #she's still hot tho

#everyone vote for our cancelled wife

#BRYONY SWEEP #I STAND WITH MY CANCELLED WIFE

#BRYONY MY EVIL SCIENTIST WIFE

#Bryony Halbech the evil scientist that you are... #sigh okay I'll vote for her

Absolutely. yes. Bryony Halbech ❤️ #evil medical malpractice wife #she's a monster #i love her for it #i support womens rights and womens wrongs

#BRYONY HALBECH

#my unethical science wife i love her

#shes awful but BRYONY FUCKING HALBECH SWEEP!!!!!

#YOU GET IT

#WHAT IVE BEEN SAYNG#I WOULD LET HER COMMIT MEDICAL ATROCITIES ON ME !!!!!!!!!!1

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#I SUPPORT WOMAN'S WRONGS!!!!!!!!!!!#vote bryony <3

#i love you women who are fucked up and evil. what if we kissed and we were covered in blood. what would you even do

This is propaganda for all the female characters. Voters please remember how pretty all women are and factor that into every single vote you make. Thank you.

The choice is clear. Bryony Halbech is the kind of woman you’d let do highly illegal things to your body and mind

BRYONY IS HOT.

#BRYONY LETS GOOO #EVIL SCIENTIST WHO REALLY SUPER HATES YOU #AND WHO DOES MOT CARE ABT KILLING PEOPLE #AND WHO LIKES SHOOTING PEOPLE #AND CUTTING PEOPLES HEADS OPEN

Rowan Chow (Camp Here & There):

YEAH FUCK EM UP ROWAN THATS MY BOY!!!!!#HE HAS SO MUCH RIZZ#<- NEVER LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN BUT YANNO#HYPING HIM UP!!!#GO ROWAN!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!!

#have tk vote for rowan chow.. my homie rowan chow.....

#ROWAANNNN 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

#Rowan chow all the way!!

#ROWAN WIN LETS GO

[ruh--roh-raggy]

Home Sweet Home (William Afton x Wife! Reader) - Part 2

Hello hello! Welcome back to part 2 of my fully self indulgent delusion! This is a very fluffy chapter, we get a little peek inside reader and William's day to day life while they start unpacking! Thank you all so much for the support and the comments and the reblogs and the likes, all of it! I'm grateful every single one of you is here! If you would like to be added to the tag list please don't hesitate to let me know! I hope you enjoy, thank you for reading!!

WARNINGS: None

You can find my Masterlist here!

Word Count: 4,168

Part 1 - Part 3

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You stretched as you sat up in bed, smiling as you caught sight of the tall pines that seemed to stretch on endlessly outside your window. You looked around for William, feeling his side of the bed was cold, you knew he had been up for a while. You grabbed the sweatshirt you had been wearing the night before from where it had ended up on the floor. You smile as the smell of motor oil and your husband's cologne fills your nose, the warm, worn fabric of his college sweatshirt pooling around your waist. You wrap your arms tightly around your body, your hands fully swallowed by the sweatshirt’s sleeves as your bare feet padded across the floor. You scrunched up your nose, rubbing the bottom of your foot off on the side of your leg as you stepped in a pile of dirt, making a comment about how you'd have to vacuum later. You wandered into the kitchen when you heard William’s voice, finding him twisting the phone’s chord around his finger as he chatted idly. He smiles at the sight of you sleepily stumbling up to him. You couldn't stop your eyes from raking over his body; his fleece pajama pants sitting low on his hips, his salt and pepper chest hair carpeting his chest before gradually thinning out to the happy trail that was cut off by his clothing. “Woof.” You grumble, causing him to chuckle. He places a hand over the receiver and gives you a playful, warning look.

“Behave.” He whispers with a wink. You look around the kitchen, a few stray bags of groceries littered the counter in various stages of being put away, a moving box labeled ‘pans’ in William’s big blocky script. “Yeah, we were planning on swinging by later.” From that statement alone you knew he was talking to Henry. You slide your arms around his torso, his free arm immediately wrapping around your shoulders as he draws you in closer. “No, I'm not trying to sneak in so I can work.” William groans in an unamused tone. The two make a few more remarks to each other before he hangs up. “Well good morning.” His voice becomes noticeably more chipper as he greets you.

“I had to wake up all alone, without my husband in bed next to me.” You close your eyes and look away from him with a soft “hmph”, a kiss getting pressed to your forehead to try and alleviate your mock annoyance.

“Oh, my poor girl. Look at you, about to whiter away from lack of attention.” He shoots back a fake pout. “How about you and I go take a shower and I'll take you out for breakfast, would that make up for it?”

You hum as you ponder over his offer, “I think I can work with that.” You giggle as he stops down to rest his forehead against yours, peppering your face in kisses. The bags on the counter catch your eye again. “When did you go grocery shopping?” He sighs at your question.

“Well, I was supposed to have breakfast ready for when you got up.” He scoops you up in his arms without missing a beat, walking around and holding you close to him was second nature at this point he did it so often. “But, Henry called, and you know who that goes.” You nod with a small laugh. “So, why not use the opportunity to take my girl out to breakfast?” He smiles warmly at you, your heart still flutters in your chest even after almost a decade of seeing that smile. He sets your down at the top of the stairs, your hand instinctively reaching out to take his as you ambled down the hall towards your master bathroom.

“Can we go to that place I like?” William can't help but smile at your vague question.

“The one with the shitty coffee and the good pancakes or the one that makes those fancy omelets? He asks in an attempt to clarify.

“The one with the shitty coffee and good pancakes.” You decide with a nod. William internally remarked how cute he thought it was when you swore. Chuckling to himself when he thought back to the time someone had rear-ended his car. The two of you had been driving back from dinner at Henry’s house, both of you laughing as you recounted your favorite moments from the evening. The light had changed a lot quicker than William was expecting as you pulled up to an intersection, making you rock slightly in your seat as he hit the brakes a little harder than normal. You both let out a shocked sound as the car suddenly gets shoved forward. Before William could even fully process what had happened your seatbelt was off and you were flying out of the passenger seat.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Your voice grows deeper as rage bubbles up in your chest. “Are you fucking blind or just fucking stupid?” William’s eyes widen as he listens to the expletives fall from your lips with ease. Finally unclicking his own seatbelt and stepping out. You had powered up to the guy that rear-ended the car. A finger jabbing into his chest and pointing at the bumper, your voice unwaveringly stern as you ripped this man a new one. If he was being honest, he found this side of you pretty damn hot. Your whole expression softened as your eyes landed on him. “Honey, are you okay?” You practically shoved the man out of the way to get over to him. You immediately began fussing over him, asking if he had hit his head and checking him for seatbelt burns.

“I'm alright, bunny.” He pulls you against him, you finally allow yourself a moment to take a deep breath. “Why don't you go sit in the car and calm down? I'll handle this baby, don't worry.” He's snapped from the memory as your lips brushing over the back of his hand. “Sparky’s it is.” He smiles down at you. You helped William open up a few boxes, trying your best to dig out everything you would need to shower. “It has to get unpacked anyways, right?” He would remark with a pat on your head at the sound of your annoyed sighs. You sat on the floor organizing under the sink, William stood in the shower, securing the custom shelves he had built for you into place. He hummed as he worked, the corners of your lips quirking up in a smile as you recognized the song you had your first dance to at your wedding. You glance up at him, William giving you his trademark lopsided grin as his eyes lock with yours.

“So this is love.” The light, melodic sound of your voice floats through the room.

“So this is what makes life divine.” He joins you softly, his voice gravelly and slightly flat as he continues the next line.

“I'm all aglow.” He decides to continue with the humming, punctuating your lines. He steps out of the shower, taking your hand and giving you a slow spin before his arm wraps around your waist. You swayed in time to your singing, looking just as in love with you now as he did on your wedding night. His lips press to yours as he dips you backwards, your heart fluttering in your chest.

“I swear you look more beautiful every day.” He whispers. You lightly slap his chest, trying to hide the blush that has taken over your cheeks. The two of you finished setting up what you needed in the bathroom relatively quickly, you broke down the empty boxes while William got the shower started. He groans as the hot water hits his back, stretching his tired muscles.

“Wet your hair.” You command him softly as you step in front of him.

He raised an eyebrow at you, smirking at you playfully. “I'm sorry, what was that bunny?”

“Wet your hair.” You repeat a little louder, trying your best to appear confident despite the fact you wanted to melt under his gaze. “It’s my turn to take care of you.” He rests his hands on your waist, obliging your little request. You work the shampoo into his hair, earning a soft groan from him as you lightly scratch his scalp. “You always take such good care of me, you have to let me return the favor sometimes.” You smile up at him, placing a gentle kiss to his chest.

“But you're my little lady-” you cut him off before he even had the chance to argue. You have heard his reasoning a million times. You were his wife. That meant, if he could help it, you would never have to lift a finger. He was always opening doors for you, cooking breakfast, taking you out on dates, everything you have ever wanted or needed William has taken care of. Your job, according to him, was to look pretty and to let him spoil you. You, however, viewed things a little differently. You loved William to the moon and back and then some. No matter how much he would always try to fuss over you, he needed to be taken care of too, even if he didn't want to admit it. You made sure that there was always a hot meal on the table for when your husband would get home, even if it was just Chinese. When he had a particularly long day at work you would put in some extra effort into doting on him; taking care of putting away his jacket and work boots, gently guiding him to sit on the couch while you snuck off to prepare his plate for him, anything he needed you were on top of it before the thought even crossed his mind.

“I am your wife.” The sound of you so adamantly declaring that you were his threatened to bring William to his knees. “Fight it all you want, but since I am your wife, Mr. Afton…” your voice softens as you finish making your point. “It’s important to me that I take care of my husband however I can.” He smiles, stooping down to give you a caste kiss. “Now rinse.”

“Yes ma'am.” He responds with a chuckle.

You hummed softly as you dug through boxes of clothes, eventually deciding on one of William’s sweatshirts and a pair of his flannel pajamas pants. The soft fabric pooling around your ankles and making your hands disappear. William steps in the bedroom; drying off his glasses in a towel, his hair still damp from your shower, his beard neatly trimmed. “Well don't you look cozy.” You race into his open arms, letting him hug you tight to his chest. “You ready to get going?” You nod, your hand slipping into his as you allow him to lead you down the hallway. Throughout the drive you were both filled with laughter, recounting how days like this were a common occurrence when you first started dating.

“Well can you blame me? I was a full time student, working full time at Freddy’s, dealing with the absolutely scandalous lifestyle of falling in love with an older man.” He lets out a loud laugh at your dramatic tone over the last part.

“Did I ever say it was a problem?” He tries to defend himself. “There was nothing I loved more than picking you up after your Friday morning class. You would come stomping down to my car, quiet,” he tries to subdue his own chuckling by quieting your laughter, “you would throw all your stuff in the back seat, and you would lay down on my lap and fall asleep while I drove. It really doesn't sound like I had anything to complain about.”

“You were always so grouchy before your pancakes.” You mock his voice, sitting up straight in the seat and planting your hands firmly on your hips. Neither of you could keep a straight face, dissolving into fits of laughter as you pulled into the parking lot.

“Hey, Mr and Mrs Afton, welcome back.” You're greeted by the preppy red headed hostess. She leads you to your usual booth in the back corner, William always insisted a corner booth was quieter and more intimate. You had one of the paper placemats flipped over to the blank side in front of you. You passed a pen back and forth, playing tic tac toe while you waited for your food. You figured out a plan for the house, both of you excited to start settling into the space.

“I think we should start with the bedroom, it'll give us a nice little reprieve from all the chaos.” He chuckles, beating you once again at your game before putting the pen down. Your plates of pancakes clattered down in front of you, both of you rushing to dig into your meals so you could get the rest of your day started.

You pushed through your front door with a groan, arms filled with bags of cleaning supplies. You dragged everything upstairs, your husband not far behind as he unloaded the rest of your shopping. He places a quick kiss to your lips, the subtle taste of coffee still lingering from breakfast. When most of the heavy cleaning had been done you decided to take a break. You sprawled out in the middle of the empty floor, the hardwood cool against your back. You could hear the soft sounds of William jogging back up the stairs and down the hall before he re-entered the room. He set down a box next to you, before joining you on the floor. “What's this?” You grin excitedly, turning the box to see what was inside.

Your eyes immediately welled up as you ran your fingers over the worn, mostly faded marker. ‘The Good Parts’ was all it said, but you remembered this box vividly. When you and William had originally moved in together you didn't bring much with you. You were in college at the time, sharing a shitty apartment with even shittier roommates, most of your furniture aside from your bed was made up of large plastic bins and wobbly rolling drawers. However, William was very surprised when he opened up one of your moving boxes. The good parts, as it had been so cryptically named, was a catchall of your entire relationship so far; polaroids of the two of you together, any small cheap pieces of jewelry he had bought for you while you were out shopping, ticket stubs to movies you had particularly liked, letters he had written you, all of it. A box that had only been added to throughout all these years. “It was tucked away in the closet, I know you would've been upset if we had forgotten it during the move.” He smiles softly at you. You pull him in for a soft kiss. Wiping at your eyes, you then reach out to open it with shaking fingers. William reaches in first, pulling out a pair of ticket stubs attached to a couple polaroids. One was of you and William standing in the driveway of your old apartment. Your arms wrapped around William’s waist, his lips pressed to the top of your head, you could barely make out the figure failing to jump out of frame in time as Henry. “One of our double dates with Henry and Sarah.” He chuckles. You smile as you pick up the second one. William held you close, he was dancing you around the empty parking lot. You were laughing in the photo, practically falling into him. William looked so happy, so in love with you. He still had that same look in his eyes when your attention moved back to him. He holds out the ticket stubs.

“We went to go see Children of the Corn.” You laugh as you readed over the faded print.

“You hated that movie!” He exclaims.

“I didn't hate the movie, I hated how freaky those kids were!” You explain, throwing your arms wide. “You can't tell me they weren't unsettling!” You tried arguing your point but William was already laughing. You playfully push his shoulder with a groan, both of you giggling like idiots as you put the items back. One picture in particular catches your eye. Your eyes were assaulted by the too bright splashes of yellows and purples. You and all your coworkers at Freddy’s dressed up for a sports day. You found yourself in the picture, a soft blush on your cheeks as you smiled bashfully at the camera, a very rigid William at your side. “This was like a week after we met.” You grin. “Look at you, you're so awkward.” You tease, making your body purposely cringe up. He laughs at your teasing, he would never deny that he definitely was not the smoothest when you had met.

He wraps his arm around your shoulders as you lean into his side, fingers running over the edge of the photograph. “Do you remember the day we met?” You perk up at the question, moving your hair out of the way to reveal a thin silver line near your temple.

“Of course I do, I still have the scar!” You respond in a chipper tone.

“That's not what I meant!” He manages to get out through a fit of laughter.

“I know, I’m just never going to let you live that down.” You wink at him, causing him to roll his eyes. “Of course I remember the day we met honey, I started to like you the first day I met you.” You place a kiss to his cheek. You had just recently started working at Freddy’s, and as far as college jobs, it wasn't the worst place you could be. Sure the carpet was always sticky and the kids were loud, but you got along well with your coworkers and there were parts of working at the pizzeria that actually were quite fun. You had even grown particularly fond of the giant animatronic animals that performed their concert every 20 minutes.

“Can you do me a favor?” Your coworker Rachel rushes up to you. “That table's food is going to be up any second but I need to pee so bad, would you be able to grab it for me?”

“Yeah of course!”

“Thanks girl, I owe you.” She smiles gratefully before hurrying off. Your eyes dart over to a girl as she lets out a shrill scream, seeing it was just because she had won a lot of tickets you continue to push through the kitchen door. You felt a sharp crack to your head as everything went black. When you woke up you were laying on the floor, a warm hand slipped into yours. Your head hurt but other than that you felt fine. You sat up with a groan, a strong arm immediately supporting your back.

“Easy, doll.” A low, gravelly voice says. “You got hit pretty hard.”

“What happened?” You ask quietly.

“She's okay everyone!” The voice speaks a little louder. There's a collective murmur of relief. He leans in closer to you and whispers, “I'm going to help you up, I need you to do me a favor and hide against the side of me. You got cut by some plastic, I don't want anyone seeing the blood and panicking.” You nodded, allowing him to help you up from the floor, leaning into his side in a way that hid your face. He led you from the room, the usual noise of the pizzeria gradually starting up behind you. He opens a door and leads you into a room before immediately breaking into an apology. “I am so sorry, I was looking at a ticket when I was coming out. Are you okay? I'm going to clean you up here and take you to the hospital to make sure you don't have a concussion-” you wave your arms in front of you, cutting him off.

“Wait, I have questions!” You exclaim, demanding his full attention. His eyes widened slightly, shocked by your firm tone. “I still don't know what happened, I walked through the door and I woke up on the floor. So how did I get knocked out?”

“I was carrying a tray, I looked down at the ticket to check the table number again and I didn't see you coming through the door.” He explains bashfully.

“So you whacked me in the head with a pizza tray?” You ask to clarify. He nods, unable to meet your eyes as his face scrunches up in embarrassment. “Okay, I'm not mad. Accidents happen.” Your voice softened, you could tell he was beating himself up over the situation. “I also don't know who you are, so what's your name?” You ask with a small laugh.

“Oh, that's right, you're one of the new employees. I'm sorry we had to meet like this.” He states with a chuckle. “I'm William Afton.” Your eyes widened as you realized this was Mr. Emily’s elusive business partner.

“Sir I'm so sorry, I had no idea.” You immediately rush to apologize. He waves you off as he digs around in a drawer for a first aid kit.

“Mr. Afton in front of customers, other than that call me William.” You couldn't help but notice the playful sparkle in his eyes as he glanced up at you. You can't help but blush as you looked away. You took a second to take in your surroundings. Tools lined the walls, a work bench covered in blue prints and notebooks, various animatronic parts scattered in various corners. ‘This must be his workshop's you thought to yourself. Your attention was immediately forced back onto him as he steps in front of you, his massive form blocking out the bulb that hung from the ceiling. “I got you pretty good, didn't I?” He grumbles. His gold wire framed glasses glinted in the light as he sets them on the top of his head. He started to reach out in order to maneuver your face to look at the wound better, pausing before his fingers brushed your jaw. “I, um… is it okay if I touch you? I just want to make sure I get you cleaned up.” You nod, tensing up as you feel his calloused fingers run over your cheek. “I'm so sorry about this.

“It's okay Mr. Afton, really.” You were having trouble forming a proper sentence. His skin was so warm. The way he held your face so delicately in his large hand, like you would break if he moved wrong.

“William.” He corrects you with a small smile.

“William.” You repeat back softly. His eyes meet yours, the sound of you saying his name putting him in almost a trance for a second.

“This is probably going to sting a little.” He gives you an apologetic look before dabbing on the disinfectant. You wince, subconsciously reaching up to hold onto his arm. He got you all cleaned up, carefully putting a bandage on your head before stepping back and returning his glasses to their proper place. Butterflies erupted in your stomach as he gave you a lopsided smile. “You know I never got your name.”

“I was surprised you still talked to me after that.” You were snapped back to the present by the sound of your husband's voice floating to your ears.

“You had already beaten yourself up enough over it. Plus, seeing you all flustered and worried over me was really cute.” He pulls you into a kiss, you could still feel the smile on his lips, his mustache tickling your nose slightly. You set the picture back inside, closing up the top of the box and earning a curious look from William. “I wanna savor this… it's been a while since we looked in here.” You mutter softly, tracing a finger over the writing on the outside.

“Maybe we should unpack it with the rest of the stuff.” He gently squeezes your arm before his hand rubs over your back. “I don't know about you, but I think it would be nice to put all of this stuff out where we can see it.” You turn your head to face him, letting your forehead rest against his. “But I definitely agree we should make it last.” You could hear the playful tone in his voice. “Knowing you, you'd cry if we dug through this whole box today.” You lightly punched him in the arm, William faking a hurt expression, hissing slightly as he rubs a hand over the spot you hit. “Easy there, killer. You're going to rip my whole arm off.” He chuckles. He stands with a pained groan, his knees popping as he hoists himself up off the floor. “Come on, I think I know how we can make this a little more fun.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Tag List: @yellowbunnydreams @zoey5252 @redflowery @residentevilbeast @weirdoartist21 @loudchaosking (If I missed you or you would like to be added please let me know!!)

[percheduphere]

LET'S TALK ABOUT THE CHOICE LOKI WANTED TO GIVE MOBIUS

Thanks for the comment, @sunflowerdigs!

I am also in HUGE debt to @loki-us for the below gifs that I could not find anywhere in Tumblr's gif search system. Thank you, friend! So many of my metas would not be possible without your help and support!

The poetic irony is definitely the point and is the reason why the S2 finale is as painful as it is.

I've previously discussed how Mobius would 100% absolutely choose to be with Loki at the End of Time and his decision-making history that points to this as being in-character here.

I also reviewed Loki's decision-making here.

Now let's discuss the choice Loki desperately wanted to give Mobius:

gif credit: @loki-us

gif credit: @loki-us

gif credit: @loki-us

(Original gif set post here)

What I love about this scene with Sylvie is that it is a perfect example of narrative subtext at work. The emotional thrust behind Loki's words may be interpreted as either platonic or romantic. Ultimately, it doesn't matter (well, it does, but it's a minor detail) because the definitive meaning behind the subtext is what the TVA means to Loki and what he actually wants, which is getting Mobius back.

WHAT LOKI WANTS: TVA = FRIENDS = MOBIUS

Let's break down the scene:

Sylvie asks what Loki wants. Sylvie, we must remember, is a Loki. She knows how Loki thinks, how he hides his vulnerability, and how he lies to himself. This allows her to suss out what Loki has difficulty admitting. I absolutely adore Sylvie for this.

1.) To stop HWR. - wrong

2.) To save the TVA. - wrong but closer; why?

3.) To save "all this" - too broad

4.) To save his friends. - correct

Ergo, stopping HWR is a means to an end, as it was for Sylvie. Saving the TVA could feasibly "save all this" from HWR, but who or what does Loki mean when he says "all this"? He means the timelines, certainly, but why does he care about the timelines? Because if all timelinee are destroyed, Sylvie and the TVA are destroyed too. Who is at the TVA? Loki's friends. Who is Loki's first and best friend? Mobius.

Therefore:

TVA = Friends = Mobius

Now, this isn't to play down the importance of OB, Verity, and Casey, but the series has been very clear about which friendship is the most significant to Loki. S2E1 -S2E4 builds up Loki and Mobius's closeness for the explicit purpose of likewise building up the cost of Loki's sacrifice. Their separation in the finale would not have been given as much attention nor hurt as much if they didn't become close.

The editing here is very intentional. In screenwriting, we call this technique "off screen dialogue", which is denoted by the character's name followed by (o.s.), then their line of dialogue.

In example, the shooting script might say:

On Don's reaction.

LOKI

(o.s.)

It was more about what I wanted.

If this wasn't formatted as such in the original script, it was likely formatted as such in the shooting script, which is a highly detailed version of the script with notes on how each scene should be shot in production and edited in post. The same cinematic technique is used in S2E4, after the pie confrontation with Sylvie, in which Brad, off screen, says, "Aren't you gonna say anything?" The dialogue overlays Mobius's reaction shot before cutting to the scene with Brad and Dox.

THE CHOICE LOKI WANTED TO GIVE (BUT COULDN'T)

It is also no accident that Loki very pointedly talks about Mobius, what he thinks Mobius wants, and how Mobius should have a choice. In making his point, Loki shows that he is actually quite confident that Mobius would choose the TVA and therefore, HIM.

But perched! The TVA means Loki's friends! How can the TVA also mean Loki?

THE TVA ALSO = LOKI

Well ...

(Thank you so much for your marvelous gif set @riotinyellow)

After the Loom explodes, everyone is returned to their original timeline except Loki. What is significant but not often discussed is that Sylvie is returned to her 1982 Broxton, Oklahoma timeline. She did not remain at the TVA despite being a Loki herself. The subtext of this is that Sylvie associates the 1982 timeline as where she belongs, where she feels at home. If we parallel this subtext to Loki, this means the TVA is where Loki feels he belongs and thus, feels at home. He only begins to timeslip once he realizes the people he cares about aren't there. Notably, Loki unconsciously timeslips to Mobius the most. I have a meta on Loki's timeslipping here.

As people, we define ourselves not only by our past, our talents, our weaknesses, our interests, and our dislikes, we also define ourselves by our relationships (good and bad). The implication, therefore, is that TVA symbolically represents not only friendship and Mobius, it represents Loki, too.

The most painful part of Loki's argument, which is never communicated directly but is subtextually inferred, is that not only does Loki want Mobius to choose the TVA (him), he is confident that Mobius would choose the TVA (him). And why shouldn't Loki be confident? Mobius has been his most loyal friend. Mobius has never abandoned him even when he was angry with him.

This sets up the meaning behind the subtext of Mobius's departure from the TVA in the finale. Mobius insists the TVA provides him with meaning, that he likes it there, and that he is grateful for whoever took him and "gave [him] this pie" (interestingly, it is Loki who recruits Mobius first, gives him his name, and offers pie to help calm Mobius down).

EVERYONE'S CHOICE & MOBIUS LEAVING THE TVA

Once Loki is gone, however, Mobius only stays at the TVA long enough to ensure it's changed for good and has appropriate leadership. What's striking is that, with the exception of Mobius, all of Loki's friends, given the choice, chose to stay at the TVA. This answers the question Loki posed with Sylvie: How many of them would choose to stay?

Verity, OB, and Casey all have purpose. Mobius's purpose has always been Loki. That purpose evolved into friendship once he stopped Loki's "reset" and uncovered Ravonna's corruption. Just as TVA = Friends = Mobius for Loki, for Mobius, the TVA = Loki. When Loki is gone, so is Mobius's purpose, his place of belonging, his home. Mobius loses everything, including (platonically or romantically) someone he deeply loves.

[obsessivestar]

'What If It's All A RomCom?' - a Ted Nivison x Reader

{{- Welcome to Chapter 4! Gonna ditch the Story Description from here on out. If this is your first chapter, I'd recommend reading Chapter 1, Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 first! Or just read this one if you want the good shit, up to you ;^) -}}

//General Warnings: 18+ fic, Reader implied to be afab and under 5'5.

Chapter Warnings: Heated language. Heavy kissing. Mentions of Jackbox (Idk if that should count as a warning but the game is in this chapter so if you don't know of it you might get confused)\\

> Word count: 4.7k (I'm so fucking sorry LMAO)

☆▪︎▪︎▪︎Taglist!▪︎▪︎▪︎☆

@k-k0129

☆▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎☆

Chapter 4: You Don't Wanna Kiss Me?

The shots we had just done looked very pretty, actually. The crew had gotten this one beautiful shot of the extras throwing around the ball on the left with Ted and I along the flagpole on the right, the bright sun giving this shadowy effect to us all. Good. This way, you can't see how absolutely embarrassed I was with how close Ted was to me; practically had me pinned against that pole. It did make for an excellent shot though, and I could tell Tanner was proud. I didn't want to ruin that for him.

Once we all moved inside, Ted and I finally got to take part in some scenes where we'd be speaking to one another. These next scenes had extras moving around with packed bags and boxes, simulating a large group of friends helping each other move in. Ted and I would be discussing graduation in the scene over by the kitchen table. He and Tanner had apparently made some adjustments to the script earlier in the morning as the personality of 'Mason' needed to be tweaked for Ted's more extroverted personality. I didn't mind it, any new context didn't change my own lines and we were free to improv if need be. Ted would even start the scene by picking up a box from the front door to bring to the kitchen table to make the scene feel more natural. I liked how much Ted was willing to adapt to everything for the production, I'm sure Tanner appreciated it too; and I appreciated getting to see Ted move some more.

Oh man, I'm not actually starting to like this guy, am I?

I have to control my thoughts for the scene to continue. These casual takes are relatively easy to get through when my brain isn't arguing with itself. We shoot several different scenes together, some where we're talking alone and some where we're in a group setting, once again doing any necessary retakes until the sun starts to set once again and Tanner decides to call it for the day. As the film crew once again packed up and dispurse to their own accommodations, I found out who that 5th mystery member of the editing team was. It was Dan, the guy that had almost hit me with the football earlier. He apologized to me more, but I reassured him all was okay and that I wasn't upset with anyone. The interaction had got me thinking about how to wind the night down without us all retreating to our bedrooms. We had ended the 2nd day of filming a little earlier than we wrapped up yesterday, so we had the free time. I pitched the idea to Tanner once everyone else had left, and he loved the idea, so we got everyone else together and met up in the living room.

Tanner was the one to suggest bringing his PC down from his room to play Jackbox, a party game where you use your phones as controllers to connect and play some entertaining mini games. We'd all have to be together for the next 3 weeks anyways; it felt like the perfect ice breaker. At this point, everyone had changed into their own clothes, including Ted, who was wearing a black sweater and some casual dark grey pants. He looked pretty comfy, actually. The couch we were all on was like one giant sofa, all connected together in the shape of a sharp U with a large flat screen TV mounted up on the wall adjacent to us. I had sat myself near one of the corners on the left side, pleasantly surprised when Ted chose to sit next to me. The scent of pine I had caught on him earlier was a little stronger now, even though he wasn't sitting all that close to me.

"Did you put more cologne on?" I ask with a smirk, sitting up a bit more on the couch as he got comfortable next to me. "Yeah. I sweat a lot sometimes and I don't want to smell." Ted admitted, sounding a lot more relaxed than I'm used to hearing. He might've been a little tired from the long day we've had.

"That's actually why I'm sitting over here. Tanner smells like shit, like, almost all the time, so..." Ted jokes, giving a tired grin to Tanner who was setting up his PC to connect to the TV. "That's cap, chat. That's so cap." Tanner casually responds, plugging an HDMI cable to the side of the TV, then moving to sit at the far left end of the couch. Dan had chosen to sit somewhat in the middle part of the large sofa, more on Tanner's side so Joe could sit next to me.

"If you want to sit next to (Y/N), you can just say that." Tanner speaks up again, moving his mouse and keyboard onto the coffee table. I blush to myself, pulling my hands into my own long sleeved shirt. If Tanner of all people is starting to comment on...whatever's between Ted and I, it must be noticeable to literally everyone else. So it can't just be my imagination. "No, see, she doesn't smell like gym socks, so that's fine. I'll take vanilla over gym socks."

"I smell like vanilla to you?" I scoff, turning my head to him and raising a brow.

"It's not 'to me'. I just know you use vanilla."

"What do you mean I use vanilla?"

"You have a little spray bottle that says 'warm vanilla sugar." Ted spreads his thumb and his pointer figure to estimate the size of the bottle. I'm flabbergasted because he's right.

"How the fuck do you know that???" Joe asks, sounding about as confused as I am.

"Because I saw her put it in her bag!"

"Why were you--" a chuckle escapes me. "How do you know exactly what it's called?"

"You left it on the counter this morning and it scared the shit out of me because I thought it was, like, a little container of piss at first, so I looked at it!" Ted admitted, gesturing over to the kitchen with his arm. Everyone in the room starts laughing, myself included. His logic makes no sense sometimes. "And then I saw you put it in your bag, so I know it's yours!"

"Imagine it was actually was a container of piss though. Like, sorry, I left it there." Joe jokes, grinning over at Tanner. "Yeah, sorry chat, I was saving it for later." Tanner continues the joke, laughter once again filling the room. "Man, we should start a podcast." My friends are an interesting pair, I tell ya. I was surprised to see Dan and Ted weren't phased by our strange humor. They seemed to fit right in our strange friend group.

Tanner got the first game up so we could test some of the types of minigames this series had to offer. We quickly realized the trivia ones weren't very fun for us, mostly because we didn't know what any of the answers were. Quiplash gave us some good laughs but got old very quickly, and Tee K.O. was fun, but the creativity didn't last. The ones that really entertained us were The Devil's And The Details, Talking Points, and especially FixyText. There was something about the more cooperative ones that were an absolute blast, especially if I was ever paired with Ted. We'd be pushing and yelling at each other whenever one was trying to stop the other from committing a selfish act in one game, then get close together and share the screens of our phones as we created the funniest text replies in another, snickering and whispering to each other to plan ahead. I think we really blew everyone away with our fake presentations, too. Whenever we were paired up for a game, we'd be inseparable. Sensational, even.

But as always, time is fated to pass and it eventually got rather late in the night. As the last awards of the night are given, I realize just how much closer I had gotten to Ted. I wasn't leaning on his shoulder or anything, but we were practically stuck side by side together with our knees up to our chest, sharing the award we were giving out. I could tell Ted was getting tired as his voice was the lowest I had ever heard it. It was kind of...hot, actually. Especially this close. Dan is the first to say goodnight and head upstairs, with Joe helping Tanner pack away the PC to bring upstairs as well. For a little while, it was just Ted and I.

On that couch.

In that living room.

Downstairs.

Alone.

"You look tired." I speak softly as I look at Ted, who had put his hood up earlier. I could see the subtle bags under his eyes from this close.

"You kept me up past my bedtime.." Ted muttered with a tired smirk, keeping his eyes on his phone. He was checking all of his social media for the night, switching from Instagram to Twitter. "I didn't mean to keep you up.." I chuckled a little, sticking my own phone into my baggy pockets. "You're a big boy, you can make your own decisions."

"I know, but you were staying up, so.." Ted sniffles to stifle a yawn, looking over at me as he wipes one of his eyes with his hand. "Your fault."

"My fault?"

"Mhmm.."

"It's my fault you chose to stay up with me?"

"Yeah. Exactly."

"It sounds like you wanted to stay up with me, Teddy.." I shoot him a gentle grin, taking the opportunity to tease him. "I wanted..." Ted pauses to allow himself to yawn, stretching one arm out while covering his mouth with his free hand before continuing. "I wanted to make sure you'd lose."

"You wanted to make sure I'd lose."

"That's right."

"That's it?"

"That's about it."

"You wanna know what I think?"

"Prolly not a whole lot..."

"I--fuck off, I think--" I let out a cackle, lightly smacking his shoulder. "I think you wanted to stay up with everyone, not just me."

"Not just you?"

"No."

"No?..."

He stops stretching and looks at his phone one last time to close Twitter, then slips his phone into his sweater pocket and turns his head again to look at me. Our eyes meet and the room goes quiet. Ted has this relaxed half-smile as he looks at me, his eyes subtly moving left to right to suggest he's looking at both of my eyes. I return the tired smile, taking the quiet moment to gaze into his earthy orbs. As our gazes stay fixed on one another, I can feel a pit of anxiousness grow in my stomach like a slow, blooming flower. He just admitted it, didn't he? He wanted to stay up for me, with me. I can't deny this any longer. Ted is...a very handsome looking man. I can't break my gaze away. I turn my body a bit more towards him to make my neck more comfortable. His eyes wander along my blushing cheeks. I wonder if his gaze would go any lower, but he returns his stare to mine. I shouldn't. I can't even find the willpower to say anything, but he isn't speaking either. He isn't speaking, he isn't teasing me, he's stopped teasing me. Why has he stopped teasing me? He's so...he's so...

"(Y/N)"

I hear my name come from Joe's voice, startling Ted and I a little. I look over the couch to see Joe standing at the stairs, giving me a knowing smirk. How long has he been standing there? I look at my phone and realize it's nearly midnight. We should all be going to bed. I look over at Ted again, but he's already off the couch, cleaning up the empty bottles and cups to the kitchen. Son of a bitch.

I get up to help clean up, as Ted missed a cup since his hands were full. "Hold on." I tell Joe, heading into the kitchen with Ted. It's all one big room, so Joe can still see Ted and I in the kitchen. As Ted's putting the bottles in the recycling, I start putting the cups in the sink. There's a moment where we both reach for the same cup and his hand slightly rests on top of mine. His hand is surprisingly colder than I anticipated. We look at each other and chuckle quietly, then Ted removes his hand so I could put the cup in the sink.

"Clearly I am fuckin' tired.." He mutters and looks at me with a tired smile. "Don't stay up so late next time.." I pester him a little, returning the smile as I move away from the sink.

"I probably will.."

"Right, and it'll be my fault, yeah?"

"It'll absolutely be your fault."

I roll my eyes at his response, not even making an effort to hide the blush on my cheeks.

"Goodnight, Ted."

"G'night, stinky.."

A little laugh slips out of me, finally joining Joe at the stairs. Before we're even out of Ted's sight, Joe is already badgering me about that exchange. He whispers in a criticizing tone, but I can barely hear him over our stepping until we get to the upstairs hallway.

"I literally told you. I literally told you not to flirt." Joe huffs, picking up his tone now that we were likely out of earshot. "No no no, you didn't tell me not to flirt." I shake my head and waggle my finger in Joe's direction. "You told me not to sleep with him, I'm not sleeping with him."

"That's not what it was about to look like." Joe's whisper becomes raspy, like he's quietly yelling at me.

"What do you mean?? I didn't start flirting, he did."

"Did you not feel how fucking close you two were the whole night? He looked like he was about to kiss you just now!"

I look over at the stairs, as if I'm able to look at Ted through them. I think about his eyes and his smile. God, his smile. His stupid smile. "He was?.." Once again, I find myself smiling. It seems I can't even hide these feelings from Joseph. Not sure why I thought I could, Joe's see's everything, especially if I'm involved. He may know me better than I know myself. He's my best friend.

He snaps his fingers in my face to wake me from my gaze, furrowing his brows at me in frustration. I let out a huff, shrugging my shoulders at him. I'm not going to dance around him anymore. I know he has good intentions, but I see him as a brother, not a father. "Well, so fucking what? What do you want me to say, that I think he's ugly?"

"I'd know you're lying to me."

"Exactly! What are you gonna do if it actually happens? I have to kiss him tomorrow anyways. If something else happens, it happens. I don't know what to tell you that'd make you feel better other than I'll be fine."

Joe takes a deep breath, turning his head away from me for a moment. I could see his thoughts through his body language. He was unsure at first, but a mischievous smirk began to take over his expression. I saw Protective Brother Joseph leave his body in favour of Gossiping Best Friend Joseph.

"...okay, you two would be pretty hot together."

I let out a louder laugh than I probably should've, quickly covering my mouth as Joe playfully shushes me. I know Joe just doesn't want me to get hurt, I acted the same way with him when he met his husband. We love each other like family. "But you have to promise me you'll tell me first if anything happens. I need the tea."

"Oh you know I will.." I grin at him, moving over to my door for the night.

"Night, Joe." "Night (Y/N)."

I enter my bedroom and plop right down on the bed, letting out a content sigh. I take out my phone to glance over social media one last time. I see Ted had posted a photo of the 5 of us earlier, and I see just how close I was to Ted. I take a screenshot of it and rest the phone down on my chest, unable to contain my smile. I giggle to myself, knowing what's coming. I fall asleep wondering if I'll be ready tomorrow. There's a very good chance I could freak out.

Turns out, we both might've been freaking out.

The morning comes and goes, mostly because some of us had slept in. By the afternoon, we're having to turn the lights down and close the blinds to simulate it being much later in the night. We've got a bunch of RGB lights and even a light-up disco ball on the ceiling to make it feel like a party. This is the first scene in which Ted and I will be sharing a kiss. I actually really like how the scene is set. Ted and I are sitting in a circle with a bunch of the extras playing Spin-The-Bottle. Of course, after a few spins, the bottle will be pointing for us to kiss. We have to act like we're nervous, which probably wasn't helping. When it came to filming the actual kissing scene, we had to sit down beside each other, turn our heads and kiss, but it had to be slow. We have to linger on it, really show the tension building up just for it to burst with that very first kiss.

But for nearly a whole hour, we couldn't do it.

Maybe it was all the extra eyes, maybe it was the weird angle we were at, I had no idea. Sometimes Ted would be ready and I'd mess up, sometimes I'd be ready and he'd mess up. It was a whole ordeal. I felt bad for everyone that was waiting for us to get this. No one appeared to be mad, but one kiss was taking over an hour. Even I'd start to feel a little frustrated if the leads couldn't wrap it up. We almost get it at one point, but I choke at the last second and start laughing, which makes Ted start laughing as well. He grabs my face and starts shaking me, chanting. "We have to kiss, (Y/N)! This is our job! You need to kiss me, God damnit! Look at my lips and kiss me!" We both were becoming hysterical, so much so that Tanner finally decided to call for a break. I was relieved, actually. As hard as I was laughing, I was embarrassed. I thought I'd be more prepared for this. Perhaps getting this comfortable with Ted was a mistake, now I can't do my job.

As everyone's leaving to grab lunch or touch up their hair and makeup, Tanner approaches Ted and I as we get up from the floor. I half expected him to encourage us to get the kiss over with in front of everyone, but he has a different idea. "Okay, this is going to sound insane, but hear me out..." Tanner begins, gesturing to the both of us. "I'm gonna get the camera rolling...and then I'm just gonna leave it there."

"Leave it there?" I ask, raising a brow. "What do you mean?"

"I just...I feel like all of the eyes watching are making this a little harder for you guys.." Tanner admitted, clasping his hands together. "I can bring another camera and go outside with everyone, I want you two to be comfortable. You can take your time and, yknow, Ted could look at the shot afterwards.." Tanner trails off, probably looking for a specific reaction out of either Ted or I. Ted didn't seem to mind the idea at all, looking over at me with a shrug. I look down at my shoes, sort of clicking them together. So Tanner wants Ted and I to kiss on camera...alone.

"But if you want to wait, we can film something else..." Tanner speaks up again, looking at me with a concerned expression.

"Are you okay...?" Ted pauses, lightly touching my arm with one of his fingers, almost like he was...caressing me. I turn my head up to look at Ted, watching as he tilts his head. "....with that?"

"Yeah, I can do it this way." I finally answer, giving Ted and Tanner a smile. "He probably needs a refresher on how to kiss a woman anyways..."

Ted chuckles and shakes his head at me, though Tanner is satisfied with the answer. "Alright, I'll just set it up and give you two the reigns.." Tanner speaks, moving over to the camera. He adjusts a few things on it, then takes a step back and shoots us some finger guns. "Shout if you need me."

Ted and I watch as Tanner collects the rest of the team and brings them outside, watching one of the bigger crew members pick up an entire camera and hoist it on outside.

Now, it was just Ted and I.

In the living room.

Alone.

On camera.

"Alright, go sit where we were before, I'll make sure the camera's in focus.." Ted instructs, pointing over to the floor. I can't help but blush, only because It sounded like a command. I wonder if he's the type to talk you through it...

Stop it. It's just a kiss.

I go and sit back on the floor, criss-crossing my legs as I watch Ted fiddle with the camera. After a moment, he lets out a sigh and steps back. "Alright. You're in focus. It'll adjust to us." He speaks, coming over to sit next to me. I can feel my heart start beating out of my chest once he sits down. This is really happening. I know I have to do this for Tanner, I want to do it for Tanner, but it's...harder now. For some reason, it's harder now.

"If you want, we could just...talk first.." Ted spoke to me in a condecending tone. Our eyes meet once more and I get that same pit in my stomach that I had last night. No. I'm not gonna let him have this. He got me yesterday on that fucking pole, I'm getting him today. "We could...talk about last night.." I offered, shooting him a little grin. He cracks a smile, gliding the tip of his tongue along his top teeth briefly.

"You wanna get into this on camera?" Ted asks, nodding at me with am embarrassed little smile.

"What!? You're the one that offered to talk!" I start laughing, tilting my head at him mockingly. "You don't wanna kiss me, Teddy? You afraid to kiss me?"

"Fuck you."

"You don't wanna kiss me?"

"This film is going to fail because of you--"

"You don't wanna kiss me?"

"and your--and your giant fucking ego."

"You don't wanna kiss me?"

"Are you done, princess? Are you fucking done?" Ted's swiveling his head in my direction to mock me back, a permanent grin on his face. "Shut your mouth, I'm comin' in."

"You're not doing shit! That's not the tell!"

"Hey."

"'Hey' what?"

"Hey."

"What?"

"Shut your mouth."

I raise both of my eyebrows at him and scoff. Before I can think of another sarcastic remark, he does it. His eyes wander down to my lips, lightly nibbling on the end of his own bottom lip, then he returns his gaze to mine. That's the tell. He's about to lean in, but I don't let him.

My body moves on its own, darting towards him so our lips could finally meet for the first time. All of the tension that had been building between us finally begins to melt as our lips continue to connect, slowly at first. It's not enough. I unravel my legs and sit up on my knees. Ted reacts by placing both of his hands on my waist, pulling me in closer to cause a breathy moan to escape into our kiss. My hands reach up to hold both of his cheeks, his glasses caressing my face as our lips caress each other's tenderly. I can feel the heat radiating off his cheeks, my own warm blush making my breathing pick up. I can't pull away. It feels like his lips were meant to be attached to mine. I can feel his breathing on my chest, his stubble along the palms of my hands, his fingers gripping my lower back, his tongue gliding along his lower lip into mine, his cologne, the tension. The tension. All of it was making me stir crazy. His lips, his kiss, I could lose myself in him. I could truly lose it. I don't want to stop. I want to run my fingers through his hair, I want to bite his stupid lip, I want to be louder.

But we're on camera. Tanner's camera. We have to stop. I have to...

I'm the one to break the kiss, hearing a quiet pop and an airy moan from Ted in response. I connect my forehead with his for a brief moment, keeping my eyes closed until I pull away to look at him. The tip of his nose tickles mine, his hands still wrapped around my waist. We share a quiet moment, steadying our breathing. I don't even know if this kiss was supposed to be this heated, but it's what Tanner's getting. All he wrote was 'Kara and Mason kiss' in the script. He can work with this.

"...I think we got it.." Ted is the first to speak up, but he doesn't remove his hands from me just yet. I can't help but let out a laugh, leaning my head back for a moment. "What? What did I say?" Ted asks, smiling through his teeth.

"No no, I just..." I take a few breaths through my laughter, letting go of his face to wave my hand a little. "I-I think that's the quietest we've been together so far.."

"Oh yeah? We should probably get louder then.."

Now that. That is something I didn't think I'd hear out of Ted, certainly not to me. Did he forget we're supposed to be shooting a scene?

"Camera's still rolling, Teddy.."

"...FUCK!"

Ted nearly throws me off of him and struggles to get up to go turn off the camera. I'm absolutely killing myself laughing as I pick myself up off the floor. No way did the fucker forgot we were filming. He JUST said 'we got it'.

"You forgot!?"

"Can you cut footage on this!?"

"You fucking forgot! Oh my god, you sad fuck!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Ted laughs, trying to sound angry with me as he pauses the film on the camera. "Tanner's gonna see that!"

"Hell yeah he is! Great Job, Teddy! You sleazy mother fucker.."

"Me? Me!? He's gonna see you being a fucking slut!"

"Oh I'M the slut!? Really?!"

"Yeah!"

"Really!?"

"Yes!"

"Your hands on my fucking waist? I'M the slut!?"

"Your tongue in MY mouth!"

"You started with it!"

"I did fucking NOT! I felt yours first!"

"I felt YOURS first! YOU started with it!"

"Started with what?"

Tanner suddenly steps into the room, startling both of us. He must've just stepped in from outside, I didn't even hear him close a door. He's got no idea what we're yelling at each other about. "Have you guys kissed yet?"

Ted and I look at each other again as I struggle to contain my laughter. All I can do is nod, pointing in Ted's direction. "Ask him about it. It's on there." I manage to speak after a little while, walking passed them to head outside. I lightly touch my lips as I open the screen door to get outside. The last thing I hear is Tanner asking Ted about all the yelling, and a final huff from Ted himself.

Truthfully, I needed to head outside to compose myself. I could still feel his hands on my warm cheeks, placing my own hand on it to feel just how hot they had become. I couldn't believe he forgot he were filming, he seemed very into...all of that.

What would've happened if the camera wasn't there?

__________________________________

|| Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 (Here) || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 (smut) || Chapter 7 || Chapter 8 || Chapter 9 || Chapter 10 (smut) || Chapter 11 || Chapter 12 || Chapter 13 || Chapter 14 (smut) || Chapter 15 || Chapter 16 || Chapter 17 || Chapter 18 (smut) || Chapter 19 || Chapter 20 || Chapter 21 || Chapter 22 || Chapter 23 || Chapter 24 || Chapter 25 (Final) ||

[hot-on-my-watch]

"The Cipher was the Song": The Musgrave Ritual and Nemo Holmes

In reading the script for The Final Problem I inevitably returned to the puzzle of the fake gravestones and whether the code works.

Clearly, if this was going to be worked out, it would've been done long ago by someone much cleverer than me, a new fan with a dodgy brain, but hey ho...

So here we have the numbers:

And the song:

BUT, it doesn't quite work from the numbers we're given. After the numbers on the third gravestone, we're missing:

28, 1, 2, 3, and 8 = 281238

Corresponding with the words:

LOST WITHOUT YOUR LOVE SAVE

This post by @ explains the theory that most makes sense and immediately became my head canon: the cipher does work, if there is a fifth fake gravestone. And we know that there is. Sherlock's. If we take his date of death as 2/8/12 and his age as 38, it works.

The shooting script somewhat supports this- notice how "NEMO HOLMES" is given its own line as though it's a separate piece of code.

However, where would this "date of death" come from? Did Sherlock fake his death on the 2nd of August, 2012?

John's first blog entry following Sherlocks's death is 6th June and I don't know what year it was actually posted, and The Reichenbach Fall first aired on the 5th of January 2012. Even if we go all American with the date, and why would we, we still have the Fall occuring after the episode was broadcast in reality and not even slightly lining up with John's blog.

But... it's television. The writers very much seem to have forgotten that the "real" online blogs existed in season four and they have given us contradictory information prior to this too; in The Empty Hearse Mary says "finally, the famous blog" as if she's never seen it before, but in "blogland" she's bloody commented on it! And as for the episode release date, we know that A Scandal in Belgravia too place over several months, release dates mean nothing. But to my mind it IS weird that it would ever have happened in world after in real life.

But again... it's not real. Slip-ups happen.

It's entirely possible that the entire thing with the unworkable cipher was just a mistake, and I know that.

But, are there any other possibilities? Does NEMO HOLMES somehow equate to 281238 or LOST WITHOUT YOUR LOVE SAVE in some other undiscovered way?

Again, if it did, someone cleverer would've already cracked it. But...

After some brief googling I can tell you that the Odyssey, which we get 'Nemo' from, was written in the 7th or 8th century BC and the surname Holmes was first recorded in about 1300 AD. I can also tell you that you can buy a chair called Nemo 28 Stone and that an artist called Nemo had a song called 'The Code' in the 2024 Eurovision Song Contest. That's where I'll leave it!

And, I'm really not sure that any of it would work 'in-world'. Eurus' god-like powers of deduction allow her to predict terrorist attacks from Twitter, sure, but do they enable her to predict a faked suicide over three decades in advance? Would this even be what was meant, or would it be intended as a nice little easter egg from the writers? Is nothing meant to be real? Or was it just a standard slip-up?

I solemnly swear that show I ever become trapped in a lift with Steven Moffat or Mark Gatiss, I will absolutely ask.

For now, the headcanon continues!

[synthient]

Rogue script dropped!

pfft. If they haven't already made their stance on "who leads" clear enough with the dance scene.......

Limited emotional direction for Rogue so far - which is both pretty standard for a script (you don't really want to limit the range of the actor's performance), but would also check out with the possibility that there are Things About Rogue they don't want public yet.

But note that Rogue is "loving it," not flattered or flustered himself, and also that he was going to be a little meaner/neggier

Exact same emotion inspired by "the Doctor thinks I'm hot" and "I'm holding the Doctor over an incinerator"

not his flat little wow getting literally written as "[dot dot dot] wow."

and not her Sinister Groan

owo ? the first time in the whole episode he's been honest?

The "ancient Earth tradition of cosplay" line is missing from the script. When I look back at the transcript now, it does seem fairly obvious that the Doctor's response ("Oh, Rogue. It's when fans dress up as characters that they like") was added after they received the note "not every viewer is going to know what cosplay is." It's telling, though, that they took the opportunity to throw in one more Rogue Says Something Kind Of Suspicious And Weird for the bargain

We lost an 1813 fujoshi warrior 😔

[bane voice] I watch from the shadows

they really decided that the world wasn't ready for her fujo swag. Only Clara gets a license to fujo out

ok I do think it was the right move to cut this. would've pushed the gag past its breaking point. however, what this really emphasizes is that Rogue is perfectly capable of getting silly with it in front of a crowd -

- but it was specifically the Doctor's little speech here that threw him off and reduced him to stammering. Which I'm taking as confirmation of my theory that the Doctor just out of nowhere started reciting the breakup argument at his ex.

the fact that Claims To Be A Dnd Fan, Can't Roleplay happened solely because they cut this gag and replaced it with Nothing......

the date on this script is like a month into the episode's shooting block. do you think they literally shot this whole thing as written, made the decision to ax it in post, and went "oh god. we have no way to salvage this except to use the shots of him dropping to one knee + holding the ring and cut around every single word of dialog"

Iconic Image Alert

we also lost a Queering The Murder-Cosplay moment (though according to the transcript, the king line stayed)

ok I harped a lot in yesterday's meta on how Rogue doesn't express much sympathy for the Doctor here. Script Rogue seems to strike an interesting balance between Book Rogue letting the Doctor sob in his arms and Episode-As-Aired Rogue barely blinking.

they probably cut the lead-up to this moment (the Doctor asking if there's any possibility the Chuldurs could have shapeshifted into Ruby without killing her) because its exposition wasn't really necessary. but it seems like they could have kept the wordless shots of the Doctor breaking down and Rogue putting a hand on his shoulder. unless they decided they didn't actually want Rogue to come off as too warm here...?

this exchange was in the novelization, and apparently also in the original script. hashtag masterdoc coded

wouldn't want to give away spoilers about your ending and ruin the plot, right?

looks like they didn't bother to get attached to any specific pop hits besides Kylie (bad guy also isn't mentioned in the balcony scene) until they knew the rights sitch.

it is interesting that their budget priorities were "beatles songs in the beatles episode: 0. pointed background lyrics about having a dark secret/maintaining your poker face/being the bad guy, in the cute gay romance episode: 3," right?

[sobx9]

I love your responses to the other anon regarding season 4, pogue dynamics & jiara in general. It goes without saying Jjs death was a horrible idea in itself, but even how they portrayed it made it so much worse!! It was so out of no where, meaningless, and very quick. If you think about it, it was really only 3 scenes or sequences: the stabbing, him actually dying with Kie/the pogues come in later, and the burial (Rudy not even needed for that one). Then the montage and voiceover using old clips from the past seasons which doesn’t even count. The way it was shot could have very easily been done on the cuff. This could be an argument for the theory that this wasn’t originally planned/written in the script and they had to quickly shift directions in the middle of filming and throw in a death scene. Or it was the plan all along since the beginning of shooting season 4 and it was just horribly executed. Idk which is worse lol - what do you think about it?

Hi, I completely agree that the death scene was done very poorly overall. If we take the emotion out of it, that it’s our favourite character that’s dying, there’s many more impactful ways it could’ve been done in my opinion.

They portrayed JJ as the reckless one of the group, willing to do anything for his friends, and so it makes sense that those traits are going to caught up with him at some point. One day he’s going to take it too far. That’s how the show runners are explaining it.

But the death itself was not meaningful, he didn’t die saving anyone or protecting anyone, or even being too reckless. I already done a post about how they could have done it better. Here’s few examples:

-He gets stabbed while fighting Groff when he’s still holding onto Kie. That way he dies saving the person he loves and it makes Kie feel extremely guilty in the next season, but also she would have this feeling of “he died so I could live”.

-He dies trying to get the crown, either in a fight with Groff or even when he’s climbing the statue. That’s him being too reckless, since he thinks the crown it’s their only way to get their home back and it’s the only way to get the Pogues to truly forgive him for all the mistakes he made.

-Instead of saving Sarah from drowning at the end of episode 9, he actually saves her from something else during that finale. He sacrifices himself for his best friend and his best friend’s unborn baby. That way John B feels extremely guilty in the next season (especially if he was still mad at him about what he said on the boat before his death), and maybe Kie feels a bit resentful towards Sarah, that she needed saving in the first place.

How they decided to do it was for a shock value only in my eyes. Because he makes the choice, Kiara over the crown, and the viewer thinks he’s safe and then boom, a stabbing out of nowhere.

I think Kiara’s reaction is great and emotional. Yes, I was thinking “put pressure on that wound for god’s sake!!” but you can argue that she’s in shock and not thinking clearly. Cleo and Sarah, they never really had meaningful scenes with JJ, so we don’t really know how much they care about him, so their reaction is whatever. What was underwhelming for me was John B.’s and Pope’s reaction. It just wasn’t giving brothers for life. And five seconds later, montage excluded, it’s done, he’s gone, body buried and they are talking about revenge.

It felt so rushed and out of place that it’s hard not to speculate why. I don’t know if Rudy wanted to quit or not, I don’t know if they were forced to change the ending. But when you combine all the speculations and rumours and all the social media stuff from the cast and crew with the final product, it’s hard not to be inclined to believe at least some of it.

What do you think?

I am incapable of answering an ask without doing a long ass post 🫢 but I’ve been enjoying talking to people about this, so any opinions, rants or questions are welcomed ❤️

[berrypass-de-murdler]

3-82 Where Murder Was Like Borscht

What does this title have to do with anything

Oh! Here's an ABSOLUTELY CURSED Smash Bros Emerald, if you'd like. That has about as much relevance.

DON'T READ THE EPISODES WITHOUT READING THE BOOKS!!

Indigo pins the two to the ground, drooling his toxic saliva and burning Irratino’s skin. 

MORIARTY: Attention. The holostage has been reactivated.

Indigo sighs in relief, grabbing them by the collar and dragging them back to their seats. Logico breathes heavily, trying to reassure himself that things will be okay in the end.

INDIGO: You may be FRIGHTENED. However… there is much to love about the Holostage… you may transport to anywhere in the world. Where would you like to go… LOGICO: Home.

Indigo falls silent for a while. 

INDIGO: Imagine revisiting the wilds of DRAKONIA…

The room is thrust into darkness, lighting back up to reveal gray Drakonian skies. Lightning strikes, a wolf howls, and Castle Eminence looms overhead - the most generic haunted setting in the world.

A birdcage lowers down from the ceiling, containing Mr. Eminence. He’s set free, and flies across the sky like a frantic pigeon. He swoops near the detectives, trapped in their seats.

EMINENCE: They’ve got us all! MORIARTY: Script. . . . A brave explorer traveled to the vast, unforgiving lands of Drakonia, looking to conquer Castle Eminence. 

A holographic human appears. 

EXPLORER: “It’s so nice to go on this brave adventure!” LOGICO: “Brave adventure” - the fuck is this?

He looks over at Irratino, trying to make a lighthearted complaint, but the goat is struggling in his restraints, shaking the chair. Logico wants to hold his hand, but can’t. 

MORIARTY: But the explorer did not survive.

Just like what happened to the old woman hologram, the explorer’s head is severed, blood shooting in every direction, and they scream violently as they slowly collapse. The fake deaths seem to be even more gruesome than real ones. 

Some other hapless ‘actors’ are dragged out - Elder Ash and Patriarch Porpoise, straight from the real Drakonia. 

INDIGO: Your job… is to find the murderer of the explorer… and kill them… LOGICO: I’m not going to KILL A PERSON!! INDIGO: PRETEND TO… it’s a STORY…

Logico is let go. Immediately, he tries to free Irratino, but Indigo grabs him and throws him onto stage. 

INDIGO: He is not the detective. LOGICO: Yes he IS!  INDIGO: COMPLETE YOUR TASK.

The louder Indigo speaks, the more his voice becomes distorted. Irratino gains the courage to speak.

IRRATINO: It’s okay, Logico! Just do what he says.

After being signaled by Indigo, Ash and Porpoise start trying to attack Logico. 

ASH: My dear… they have captured us all. MORIARTY: Script.

While Indigo is distracted, an unexpected hero rushes in - Numerologist Night! They try to free Irratino, but can’t manage.

IRRATINO: Night! Y- NIGHT: SHH!

Indigo notices them! He wards off the weasel and holds Irratino down further, and he sobs for help. That’s when Logico realizes something very important - Indigo can hear very well, but he cannot see. All they have to do to distract him is make noise. 

Logico waves to Eminence, who is hovering by the ceiling. He has a plan. 

LOGICO: [whispering] Keep fighting.

Ash and Porpoise continue to mock fight the air.

PORPOISE: You will die for this, Detective!

Indigo is looking right at the stage, but can’t see what’s happening. Eminence lifts Logico up high into the air, placing him behind Irratino. He signals over Night once more, and then…

PORPOISE: The Detective has disappeared! MORIARTY: Script. INDIGO: WHAT…

He scrambles over, hissing. Night can free Irratino! And Logico returns, finally sticking to the script.

LOGICO: It was Patriarch Porpoise! PORPOISE: By St. Lupine, I did it! But now, I’ll live forever! 

He grabs an ‘ancient relic’ from the ‘body’ of the ‘explorer’, and using a visible string attached to his robe, he glows and levitates mystically. Logico shakes his head.

LOGICO: Do you think we could change the channel? INDIGO: Fine…

Irratino is backstage. He cannot let Indigo know he escaped!

The end! 

Like the whole point was that he wanted the holostage to be fixed so he didn't have to use real actors, and yet is still using real actors anyway just to torture them! I guess all he really wants is the suffering of others.

The power of Goat Lord compels you!

See you next time murdlers!

[projecto2-game]

DevLog 2 - The Devining

well. it only took 3 months. but here is our new devlog! or however you call it... We did write a whole devlog for early march, but with school and work taking up most of our schedule, we did not post it, and most of our progress fell to the sands of time.

Snail (@snailmusic) -

Yeah I didn't do nearly as much as freep, so most of those changes will be down there. part of the reason though is that ive been doing a lot of work on my music (haha yes self promo) so if you want to check that out it'd be great! (most of yall are just from my acc so you probably alr know) (my current style of music is probably not representative of O2's audio style or vibe, still working towards that)

The main thing I did was improve trenchbroom (level editor)/qodot/godot interop, which can bring us closer to building some levels (and who knows, a little alpha test in the future ;)). It was actually realllyyyy annoying due to a lack of documentation for qodot 4 (and also ill admit it, a bit of my stupidity) so there was a bug that I couldn't fix for a long time but eventually it was fixed and now it works great!

I also started looking more into the art style of the game, and I'm even learning a bit of how to draw (thanks to my friends! I wouldn't be able to learn like at all without them lol).

^ guy on a cube

oh yeah speaking of outside help im getting this is (very slightly) now bigger than us two! the others aren't doing too much we can note right now (one doesnt have a tumblr acc either) but when their contributions come more into play we'll include them here.

See ya next time!

Freep (@freepdryer) -

Back in march, i spent a lot of time working on the AI, getting it to move… and run away, sort of. But more of that will come later. 

Lots of these last week or so has been on the character controller, and reinventing the wheel to introduce a state machine and get a lot cleaner code so its easier to revisit if we ever had to.

Im proud of the work that we've done so far, as we come close to a prototype with *Gameplay* 

New Things

Changed the look of the enemy slightly to remove the “amongus factor”

Rewrote the entire script for nav pathing

New enemy prototype can now feel pain / has a health pool that can be depleted using bullets from the player

Added a new line of sight for the enemy to check whether or not the player is in the area to follow

Added the ability for the enemy to hide - WIP - enemy can hide but isnt very good at it. Kinda like a child who turns away while hiding in the corner. 

Enemy can also detect when youre in a certain range, I will be adding more flags later on for detection (when the player shoots, sneezes, or explodes on accident)

New testing map!

New areas for target practice, line of sight testing, following and hiding

New player character controller!

Rewrote the entire script for the inclusion of State machines

This was painful.

Added 6(?) new states for several movement states

Added animations for 

Walking

Running

Jumping

Crouching

Fixed the stair problem

Whats next?

Continue work on enemy AI - finish hiding, add roaming, add attacking

Dunno? 

Fix the stair problem again, but more?

Weapons!

The end?

Thanks for coming to our devlog! We will be back hopefully very soon!

[mytalemyworld]

Who shot him could be solved in many ways…here are my thoughts.

I think the spoilers said it was Neslihan who would shoot Serhan which was the most plausible option for me. Because the woman has had enough. How many times did her children suffer at the hands of Serhan? Plus she clearly stated in the beginning of the episode that he would never hurt her children again. She was aggressive, arguing with everybody, didn't seem to show her usual logical side. So I would definitely expect that from her.

However after the show had been renewed, the finale script changed, some parts were cut and we saw Neslihan unconscious. (Well, she still can regain her consciousness though, it's not impossible you know)

The other possibilities:

Why can it be him?

What wouldn't a desperate father do for his son? He doesn't hesitate to kill for his family and doesn't need to carry a gun. He can find one from the sleeping bodyguards. I think they're loaded and Serhan didn't take their guns.

Why can't it be him?

1.) The way Yaman said "what did you do?"

Children don't use formal language when they talk to their parents in Turkish culture however they usually add "dad/mom" at the end of their sentence. It was like Yaman was talking to someone around his age or someone who is close but not his parents.

2.) We didn't hear any car approaching. If the front door is open, the car must enter first. Why did he stop outside? If the front door is closed how can he sneak in without making a sound?

Why can it be him?

Serhan: Don't scream. Only Alaz is left however he is not at home.

1.) This is a bad sign like pointing out an obvious option. Only he can help but he is not there. Well, he might be on the way, evil dad.

2.) Why can't it be Güven? - reason 1.

3.) His motives? He has had enough too. He lost a sister, the love of his life, a child which he doesn't want but still can make him unstable more than he already is. He says he doesn't have any reason to move on. And if he sees his "dear" dad once again is trying to kill his other sibling, well don't expect him to act rationally. He might use the gun that belongs to the bodyguards.

Some poetical karmatic reasons: So, a long time ago in a galaxy far away... there was a scene in one of the best Yabani episodes. (I am sorry for being dramatic, but sometimes it felt like it happened in another universe) Alaz chose Asi over Yaman and almost killed him. So in a way Asi was the reason Yaman almost died. And Alaz was the tool.

In the season finale, Asi assured and promised Neslihan that she would bring Alaz back and nothing would happen to him or he wouldn't do anything bad because she would be with him. But we knew everything went wrong. He didn't stay with her and she shut the door in his face.

So if it really turned out to be him, Asi would be the reason Yaman survived and Alaz, again, would be the tool. A vicious cycle would come to an end.

Little Yaman Ali saved little child Asi, grown up Asi saved Alaz in some ways and Alaz would save Yaman. Every debt would be settled for good.

Hmm, also if the little Leia was still alive, we might see Obi-Yaman-Ali-Wan hiding her from her dad....yeah, a time jump, a darker Yabani...anything can happen.

Why can't it be him?

Because it will ruin him. Because he will be completely lost. Because he will never forgive himself. Because probably this will also affect his bond with his unborn child that exists for now. Because I will call you ruthless if you do so, dear writers.

Sigh, okay, I will be serious.

1-) Why can't it be Güven? - second reason applies him too. If the door is closed he must come from a different way but honestly, this must be shown in a very detailed way, I don't know, except maybe he is already inside which brings to my mind the other options.

Osman or Elif.

I know Osman is asleep but he might have woken up because of the voices. And Serhan was shot from a place where he was sleeping.

Elif would make sense too. But this is the weakest possibility because she is always so useless and whoever shot Serhan seems to be inexperienced. He's shot twice and a police would be more coolheaded I think.

Anyway...Whatever suits the plot and story, they will choose that option. They never try too hard to make it sense however there's a %1 probability that they will think about this a little more than their usual plot lines.

[landofzero-archive]

Absolute - The Pure Land 3

(Location: Gatekeeper’s Office)

Ibara: Indeed. I believe that His Excellency is alive.

That person is so obedient that there is no way he would die without my express permission, and I have no such script prepared for him.

However. The reason why His Excellency disappeared at the same time as Shaka-shi is currently unknown, so we should consider all possibilities.

And compared to Shaka-shi, His Excellency is not well known by the locals. He’s no different than the average person out there.

If His Excellency were to be abducted at the same time as Shaka-shi, then it would be easy to treat him as if he were of little importance.

If the abductors are on the run, then it’s obvious that someone of His Excellency’s tall stature would be in their way.

We have to find His Excellency before he’s crudely “disposed” of by that person.

Gatekeeper: Abductor? Is there someone yer have in mind?

Ibara: It’s just a guess. It’s unlikely that his Excellency disappeared of his own volition, so it’s reasonable to assume that he’s been abducted by someone.

Uncle, I am considering the possibility that Shaka-shi has kidnapped His Excellency.

Gatekeeper: Oh? So the theory is that that asshole Shaka, who we’ve thought was abducted with him, was actually the culprit. How fun, it feels like I’m reading a mystery novel. 

Ibara: You probably haven’t read any, since you’re fairly busy, Uncle.

In any case, Shaka-shi can be said to be the most important person to Priest, or rather, to the whole WNW district. Naturally, the more important you are, the “more you can do.”

Shaka-shi made full use of his authority and abducted His Excellency from the hotel where the security was supposed to be strict. And even now, he’s keeping him confined somewhere—

So, where are they? What’s the purpose of this?

That’s what I’m thinking about right now.

Gatekeeper: …… Yesterday, we searched every possible place above ground. So all that’s left is the inside of buildings… and underground.

Ibara: Underground?

Gatekeeper: There are countless underground tunnels in the area. It’s a hotbed for the homeless, and a convenient loophole for us to work in.

It’s a place where those in the shadows live. But of course, as an outsider, I can’t keep everything under surveillance.

If we cause problems underground, where there’s no laws or ethics, you’ll end up caught in a “landslide” and the people with a claim over the area will rip you to pieces and eat yer for dinner. Which is why I hadn’t mentioned it yesterday—

If they were found in a normal place aboveground then everything would be fine.

However, this isn’t the kind of situation where I can say that. Absolute will begin soon, and if we don’t catch that asshole and drag him onto the stage before then, there will be an uproar.

Absolute and the gambling den will break down, and, if we aren’t careful, we’ll lose a major source of income forever.

Ibara: That hardly compares to our current issue. And it would even serve you right, I think. However, I don’t really want to keep having my plans messed up like this.

Organize as many people as you can and send out a search party for His Excellency. Knock on every door you see, and destroy everything underground—

We will find His Excellency, who’s most likely imprisoned somewhere there.

Gatekeeper: Heard. Good grief, it’s not even the gold rush era but we’re getting muddy and crawling into holes. (1)

—

Ibara: ……? What is it, Uncle?

Gatekeeper: Shit. Just now, I realized something bad.

I felt so sorry for you, that I sent my best men to look for Shaka and Nagisa-sama. I didn’t even have time to sleep and I’ve mobilized all my subordinates.

In other words…… You understand, don’t you, boy?

Ibara: …… We’re stretched thin here without enough security forces!

Gatekeeper: Ahh, now would be the perfect time to attack me!

Get yer head down, boy! I heard the sound of the hammer, they’re going to shoot at us!

Ibara: Ahh seriously, this is why I hate gun politics! I keep bees in my office, but I don’t want it to turn into a beehive, got it!?

TL Notes:

Refers to the California gold rush, which lasted from 1848 to 1855. When gold was found in the California mountains, approximately 300,000 people moved to California to try and find gold as well. Not just a historical reference, but could also refer to how they’re searching for Nagisa and Shaka (gold) with very little chance of success.

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[maineshewrote]

I-haven't-yet-started-s4e10-thoughts:

I have three main versions of what has been going on: one is simple and kind towards Sazz but doesn't make much sense, the second leaves a lot of loose ends and is preferable to the others, and the third, which makes so much twisted sense to me although I don't want to believe it, is absolutely horrible to Sazz's, who I love, memory.

Theory no. 1: I would love it if Marshall was to blame for all of it and we could wrap everything up. He stole the script for the OMitB movie from Sazz both because he was angry at Sazz for pulling him into the stunt world where he got burned and because he couldn't cut it as a writer himself. He was watching the podcast trio to further finalize the script, because he lacks the necessary creative imagination and skill, and shot Sazz for hurting him by giving him his brief stuntman career and in order to avoid getting into trouble for stealing her script and Glen because he either could have or already did recognize him at the photo shoot. Not all of the above make sense. And it wouldn't explain the door notes or Winnie's poisoning. The timelines for the Tim Kono case, watching the trio and for Marshall's stunt disaster don't support each other. I would just really like him to be at fault in everything.

Theory no. 2: The mysterious person watching the trio starting from season 1, who also poisoned Winnie and left the door notes, will not be revealed this season. Since Sazz couldn't figure out the plot holes, not for herself or for the script, there must still be loose ends and some clues missing. The timing just doesn't support any other known character's involvement, since the door notes were left so early on, even before we met Sazz for the first time. This mystery could further be solved in season 5. But it leaves the question, why was the hidden camera footage sent to the trio and why was it from Sazz's phone.

Theory no. 3: This gives me no pleasure (except for the mental gymnastics I've had to perform to get here). Bear in mind that the night she died Sazz said, "Have I made copies of all of your keys? Like I said, who knows." Sazz wrote the script about the season 1 case, so she had to have known a lot about it and the people involved. Now, of course, she could have listened to the podcast and relied on her friendship with the trio, but what is bothering me is that the footage from the hidden cameras in the trio's apartments was sent to them from Sazz's phone. Yes, the stalker could have redirected that footage to Sazz's phone either before or after Sazz's death, in which case the stalker is either Marshall or Marshall just sent the footage over to the trio for some reason, or maybe Sazz's killer found out, either before or after killing her, that Sazz had been watching the trio all along, whether it was in order to better her script or to keep an eye on her friends living in a dangerous building, who knows, and wanted to spread the word and chaos. Another suspicious detail is that right before being shot Sazz was whistling Which of the Pickwick Triplets Did It although we have no reason to believe she actually saw the show that night. The only way she would have known the song is if she had been watching Charles and Oliver's apartments during the rehearsal period.

The few things that speak against this theory are... One: Jan claimed that Sazz was worried about another murder/murderer in the building, which Sazz wouldn't have said without having some kind of an idea what it was. Or, of course, could be that she was talking about the Dudenoff case, which makes this silver lining invalid. Two: Sazz had heard on her ham radio that people had been wishing Charles had died instead of Ben. That could indicate that someone else in the building is slightly murderous and therefore could also be connected to the plot holes in season 1. Three: I don't think Sazz would be so immoral.

So three options: Marshall killed Sazz and stalked the trio, Marshall killed Sazz and the stalker remains unrevealed, Marshall killed Sazz and Sazz was the stalker.

I just know there's something I forgot to mention.

[kanohirren]

How to Make GoodTimesWithScar in DnD

This is part 2 of my guide on building Life Series members in dnd 5e.

I’ll go level by level and explain the reasoning behind my decisions and how I think it fits them in character. This build assumes starting at level 8 but includes notes on differences if you start at level 1 and progress to 8. This is not intended as a guide on how to play dnd, just how to build this character. I also don't explain every feature but I may briefly touch on it and explain my reasoning for taking it.

Class: Bard (College of Whispers) 3, Rogue (Assassin) 5

Race: Half-elf

Base Ability Scores: (uses Tasha's Cauldron of Everything rule that allows for reallocating racial stat bonuses)

Str 12 (+1)

Dex 14, (+2) +2 from race = 16 (+3)

Con 14 (+2)

Int 8 (-1)

Wis 8 (-1)

Cha 15 (+2) +1 from race = 16 (+3)

Background: Faceless

Scar is one of the smoothest talkers I have ever had to joy (and horror) of witnessing. His ability to sweet talk you into giving him your boots or buy a magical crystal that’s more than likely a scam is unmatched. Also, he is Hot Guy. Naturally, he leans into bard with his natural ability to just tell stories, and all around be a likable person, but he is also good with a bow and sneaking up on people to shoot them (sorry, Hot Guy them) is one of the most iconic things about him to me. Without further ado, let’s get into it!

Before classes, here’s the half-elf features:

Darkvision 60 ft.

Fey Ancestry (advantage on saving throws vs being charmed)

Two extra skill proficiencies: athletics and sleight of hand

And the Faceless background features:

Proficiency in deception and intimidation

Proficiency with Disguise Kits

Faceless Persona: Hot Guy

At 1st level, we take a level in Bard. This grants us:

Proficiency in light armour

Proficiency in simple weapons, hand crossbows, longswords, rapiers, shortswords

Proficiency in three musical instruments: at least one should be a horn.

Proficiency in dexterity and charisma saving throws

Proficiency in three skills: Persuasion, Performance and Animal Handling

Bardic Inspiration: A pool of dice that you can grant yourself or party members to increase their rolls to help them succeed. With a 16 (+3) in charisma, we get three uses.

Two Cantrips: Mage Hand (you never know when you might need an extra hand) and Friends (That cheeky smooth talker, the funny part about this spell is that they know you conned them afterwards which is very accurate)

Four 1st lvl spells: Speak with Animals (Be quiet Jellie!), Tasha’s Hideous Laughter (he casts this on me a lot), Illusory Script (get people to sign some totally legit contracts) and Healing Word (just standard to take on a bard)

Scar will start off as much more of a utility-based party member. Without any damaging cantrips or spells, he’ll rely on his bow and party members in combat, but he’ll dominate social aspects of the game.

Unfortunately, bards can’t cast Find Familiar so there’s no Jellie summon at this level, but that will come later! Also, if you really don’t want Illusory Script (infamously useless spell) then you can take Charm Person instead.

At 2nd level, we take our second level in Bard. This grants us:

Jack of All Trades: adds half your proficiency bonus to all your skill checks. Now you’ll be useful in all situations.

Song of Rest: Extra healing during a short rest

One new spell:Faerie Fire (useful way to get advantage on lots of targets)

Scar really is good at a lot of aspects of the game, even if his goofy personality tends to make people forget. These features are all helpful different ways.

At 3rd level, we take our third level in Bard. This grants us:

Expertise in two skills: Choose Deception and Persuasion (you’ll have a ridiculously easy time convincing NPCs)

One new spell & access to 2nd level spells: Phantasmal Force (funny trickery spell)

Subclass: College of Whispers

College of Whispers grants:

Psychic Blades: expend bardic inspiration to deal extra 2d6 psychic damage on your weapon attacks. (This will go well with sneak attack later)

Words of Terror: You can attempt to frighten an isolated creature by talking to them for a minute. (Oh Maaaaartynnnnnn)

At 4th level, we start multiclassing by taking a level of Rogue. This grants us:

Proficiency in thieves’ tools

One skill proficiency: Choose Acrobatics

Expertise in two more skills: Choose Performance and Animal Handling

Sneak Attack: extra damage if you have advantage on your attack or an enemy of your target is next to them.

Thieves’ Cant: Secret language (perhaps Scar is too used to speaking this and that’s why he keeps mixing up his words like gongs and axolotls)

Now we get to the especially trickstery side of Scar. The side of Scar that will murder you. He doesn’t need stealth as a rogue because he’s going to get on your good side before he shoots you in the back.

At 5th level, we take a second level of Rogue. This grants us:

Cunning Action: Dash, disengage or hide as a bonus action.

Not much to say here either, cunning action is just useful. A bonus action disengage or dash helps with running away from people you’ve conned.

At 6th level, we take a third level of Rogue. This grants us:

Sneak Attack Upgrade (2d6)

Subclass: Assassin

Assassin grants:

Assassinate: You gain automatic critical hits on surprised targets and have advantage on attacks against anyone who hasn’t had a turn in initiative yet.

Bonus Proficiencies: Poisoner’s Kit and Disguise Kit* (overlaps with Background proficiency, talk to your DM about swapping out for a different proficiency)

The reasoning for this combo is that Scar can sweet talk people into a false sense of security, having them believe that he’s on their side. It will be much easier to get a surprise attack on them this way, and with the automatic crits you get big sneak attack damage that you can also stack Psychic Blades onto, which would also have its damage dice doubled. Assassins don’t have a lot going for them after the first round of combat, though, and this only works if you make the first move (getting snuck up on means you lose out on your biggest combo).

At 7th level, we take a fourth level of Rogue. This grants us:

Ability Score Improvement OR Feat. Take the Magic Initiate feat and choose the Wizard spell list to get two cantrips and a 1st lvl spell. For cantrips, choose Minor Illusion and Message. For the 1st lvl spell, take Find Familiar so you can finally summon your Jellie!

Realistically, Scar would never send Jellie into battle (or maybe he would if she starts meowing too loud) but Jellie can provide sneak attack. Just be careful with her! Outside of combat, she can be a kitty doing kitty cat things.

At 8th level, we take a fifth level of Rogue. This grants us:

Uncanny Dodge: Use a reaction to take half damage from an attack (that luck crystal sure comes in handy).

Sneak Attack Upgrade (3d6)

Uncanny Dodge greatly improves Scar’s survivability in a way only Scar would understand.

Summary:

Final Stats:

Str 12 (+1)

Dex 16 (+3)

Con 14 (+2)

Int 8 (-1)

Wis 8 (-1)

Cha 16 (+3)

Attack with a shortbow: +3 (dex) +3 (prof. bonus) = +6 to hit, 1d6 + 3 piercing dmg

Sneak attack: 3d6

Psychic Blades: 2d6 psychic dmg

Crit damage: 2d6 piercing (short bow) + 6d6 piercing (sneak attack) + 4d6 psychic dmg (psychic blades) +3 (dex) = 12 – 75 dmg

Cantrips: Mage Hand, Friends, Minor Illusion, Message

1st lvl spells: Speak with Animals, Tasha’s Hideous Laughter, Illusory Script, Healing Word, Faerie Fire

2nd lvl spells: Phantasmal Force

And that’s it for Scar! He seems like a really fun character to play in social scenarios with the ridiculous rolls you’ll get with your deception and persuasion. He may not be optimized for combat, but dnd isn’t all about combat and I think this build’s greatest strength is roleplay. If anyone has any feedback or suggestions, I would love to read them! ^^

[localebra]

The Saphrax Protocol

Part 1

Phantom Limb: Theophanes the Confessor tells us of the Foederati, the elite fighting force of barbarian mercenaries. From their ranks came Saphrax Tervingian -- the first man to turn a grudge into a career.

Red Mantle: As Council Elder --

Dragoon: Oh, by like a year.

Red Mantle: You, stop it. I welcome all of you to this ancient ritual, the story of Saphrax.

All: The first villain.

Red Mantle: And his loyal comrade, Altheaeus.

All: The first henchman.

Red Mantle: Let Saphrax step into the light and declare his deeds.

The Monarch: I, The Monarch, have earned by might and rite the honor and rank of a Level Ten Villain. I am without fear. I am Saphrax.

Red Mantle: Let us begin the journey of Saphrax -- the first trial.

Dr. Z enters pushing a cart with a small hollow log on it.

Red Mantle: When Saphrax was a boy, he lost his favorite stone in the Log Of The Beast. You must find his stone.

Dr. Z: Yet the beast sleeps inside. Disturb the beast, and his wrath will be quick!

The Monarch: Put -- Put my hand in there?

Dr. Z: And retrieve the stone.

The Monarch: Really? This isn't, like, a thing, like, where I just spin the cart and the stone shoots out and you're all impressed with my cleverness?

Red Mantle: You're not Matthew Broderick. Just put your hand in there!

Dramatic music plays.

The Monarch: Ach. It's really mushy.

All: The beast!

Dr. Z: He lives in his waste. His log has never been cleaned. Do you have what it takes to find the stone?!

The Monarch: Chill out! I'm trying not to get bit!

Dr. Z: Wha-- The beast doesn't bite. What, do you think we'd have a vicious animal up here in space?

The Monarch: He doesn't bite? What-- What was all that talk about his wrath?

Red Mantle: You're touching poop! It's pretty gruesome. I wouldn't do it.

Part 2

Red Mantle: Saphrax, heavy with goat and burdened with terrible chicken, came to the bridge and was stopped by the keeper.

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: I'm so proud of you, sweetie.

The Monarch: I, Saphrax, wish to cross.

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: What is your business on the other side?

Red Mantle: Young Saphrax, still angry from taking the awful advice from the magic chicken, was impetuous, and answered...

The Monarch: There, on the other side, your mother waits to willingly fornicate.

All: Oh, no, he didn't!

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: You shall not pass.

Red Mantle: Then, from the wood, came Altheaeus.

All: The first Henchman.

Red Mantle: And he did aid Saphrax.

Henchman 21: Bridge keeper, behind you stands my troops, 100 strong and thirsty for bridge-keeper blood.

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Really? I shall look behind.

Henchman 21: I have made you look.

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Hunh! I have been deceived expertly!

All: Altheaeus, the father of "made you look."

Red Mantle: Let Altheaeus step into the light and declare his deeds.

Henchman 21: I, Henchman 21, have earned by might and rite the honor and rank of a Level Ten Henchman. I am without fear. I am Altheaeus.

Phantom Limb: Altheaeus, you have performed beyond that of a mere henchman. You have earned the station of Villain.

Henchman 21: Wait, what? T-This wasn't in my script. Like, me, or my character? Me?

Phantom Limb: You, Henchman 21, have earned the title of a Level 4 Super Villain.

The Monarch: What the fuck? This was my party!

Part 3

Red Mantle: With the taste of love still on his breath, Saphrax made his way to the throne of Emperor Flavius and unsheathed his sword.

The Monarch: Rise, Flavius, and meet your doom. It is I, Saphrax, your sworn enemy. I have bed your wife twice and now leave her to you, soaked in my seed.

All: Saphrax, the father of players.

Dr. Z: Wait! Use my sword, Mr. Monarch.

The Monarch: This isn't wood. This is a real sword.

Red Mantle: Yes. And that is your real sworn enemy. (to Dragoon) You begged me for a line and --

Dragoon: Yes. Yes, of course. Mr. Monarch, here in this ritual space -- that is in space -- anything can happen.

Muffled shouting from Dr. Venture.

Dr. Z: We all know the choice that Saphrax made. But what is your choice?

The Monarch: So... I can just like kill him?

Dr. Venture: (muffled) No. No. No. No.

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: We will cover it up, and you'll get away scot-free. Your grudge will be settled, and you'll be free to do... whatever.

Red Mantle: We shall leave you two alone. What you say is yours. What you do is yours. What you decide is yours.

Muffled shouting from Dr. Venture.

Part 4

Red Mantle: Your sword is without blood. Emperor Flavius lives?

The Monarch: Yeah, yeah. He's-- He's still--

Red Mantle: Saphrax has decided to carry his grudge without the help of Altheaeus?

The Monarch: (Sighs) You know what I've decided?

The Monarch drops the sword. It clatters on the ground.

The Monarch: That you guys are fucking dicks. I come here to get my Level Ten, and and you give my henchman Villain status and give me the opportunity to kill my sworn enemy? It's a total mindfuck!

Red Mantle: This is the way of our guild, Mr. Monarch. We must hear your decision. Step into the light, Altheaeus.

The Monarch: Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Sure, let 21 be a villain. I-I'm done. What, you think I can do this shit alone? I'm too old to start again. And now that you guys have my wife and -- and my best friend and -- No! Fuck it! Fuck it, and fuck you! Guild wins. Monarch out.

Henchman 21: You know what? Me, too. I don't want to have to be a villain without him. I don't have that kind of Saphrax grudge. I just want to help my best friend with his hate. Fuck you guys. Monarch crew. Hench for life.

Red Mantle: Good! Good. You have completed the final trial.

Phantom Limb: Saphrax spared the life of Emperor Flavius and swore a blood allegiance to Altheaeus as you have done here tonight.

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Sweetie, it was a test, and you passed.

The Monarch: So -- So I'm a Level Ten?

Phantom Limb: You and your Henchman--

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Number 2.

Phantom Limb: ...rightfully are Level Ten Villains with all benefits that title is heir to. Congratulations.

All: All hail Saphrax and Altheaeus!

Ward: All hail! Yeah! All hail Saphrax! Congratu-- Look, I don't want to mess up the after party, but we need to get Doctor Venture back.

Watch: I gotta say it. I-I can't hold it in.

Ward: Dude, not the right time.

Watch: I have to! It's just too good!

Part 5

The Monarch: (yelling) Are you kidding me?!