#from the monster’s point of view. and became convinced it was going to try to eat all of the finches starting with her

[comixandco]

thinking about little molly finch, the baby on a boat that tugged a house across the ocean

who grew up hearing bedtime stories based on tales from her family’s old country, of shapeshifters and seamonsters, and the story of the night the sea rose up around them and dragged that boat down to bottom of the sea bed

who could see that giant house and boat at low tide at night

who drew a picture of a princess in a castle at the bottom of the sea besieged by a sea monster

and died sure it was coming after her

[the-great-papyru]

Flowey and Friendship

prior to true pacifist, flowey does not know what friendship is. and how would he?

this is going to be a lot, so actual post under the cut. (figured out how to do that)

let’s start at the beginning. asriel was not known for having a lot of friends. to be blunt, he had one and only one. and that friend is not known for being an exceptional influence. this is not to say that they were horrendous, or cruel, or didn’t care for asriel. but they certainly had an odd way of showing that care.

their end goal was the freedom of monsterkind. and this is an admirable goal. and i’m certain asriel was more than a minor inspiration for this goal. this monster had shown them more love than they’d ever experienced! they felt the need to return the favor.

but enough about chara, they’re a topic for another time. the point is, they tried to help asriel. that was their motive. and what a nice motive! their methods, however… were less than nice.

sound familiar yet?

maybe not. just in case, let me dive deeper into their “methods.” these mostly included stringing asriel along and telling him whatever they thought he needed to hear to follow them in their plan. whether that was to toughen up, an assurance that he’d be with his friend the whole time, or a way to disconnect the souls from the lives he had to take. not to mention omitting information, lying in some form or another…

it was manipulation for a greater good.

exactly what flowey was up to in his early resets. flowey became “friends” with everyone. not even he believes that it was actual friendship. and he is correct.

during the early resets and reloads, however, flowey likely had no idea what he was doing. as far as he knew, friendship was a one-sided effort. a give and take relationship where one gives and another takes. he hadn’t learned it any differently. yes, he cared for chara, of course he cared for chara! and he had taken them in, he did try to help them out… but when it came down to it, they were the one in charge. and the rest was lost to flowey. besides, what was the problem with helping everyone out?

“flowey” wasn’t a product of boredom. he wasn’t a product of curiosity. flowey became who he was because he wanted to reach the best possible ending.

flowey became who he was because he wanted to help people, not because he wanted to hurt them.

and that’s the thing i don’t think he realizes. he never understands that the reason he doesn’t truly have a friend is because he’s working too hard at it. instead he blames it on his lack of a soul. how can he be expected to make friends if he can’t feel love for them?

in fact, this mentality is probably another part of what drove him to his behavior in the first place. before he even started “helping” others, he was confident that he’d never have a true friendship, if he couldn’t even love the people he tried to “befriend.” it was skewing his view from the start. a self-fulfilling prophecy. flowey considered himself part of the outside from the very beginning. he focused all his energy on helping everyone else and none on actually… building a friendship. it’s hard to focus on that when you’re not willing to share anything about yourself. there was a task, flowey needed it completed, simple as that.

flowey also has a lot of distrust and paranoia built up. most players should know by now of the dialogue you get from multiple neutral routes in a row. for just a second, he believes frisk might genuinely want to be friends with him.

and then he immediately shuts the possibility down. now, i think there’s two factors to this.

first of all, they remind him of himself. he’s convinced himself that he’s emotionless, that he can’t feel, so frisk is probably the same. he’s shut himself off from caring. he’s scared that if he believes that they care, he might care too. one of his greatest fears is losing control. if he cares and they lie, he’ll be left powerless. so it’s safer for him to close himself off entirely. he has lost one friend. he refuses to lose another.

second, there’s the certainty in flowey’s mind that he simply cannot reciprocate that caring. why should frisk care about someone who can’t care back? why should anyone? and he hates that feeling of not feeling. he’ll do anything to avoid that. of course he starts killing, of course he starts thinking of people as toys, if he thinks of them as people he has to come to terms with the fact that they are people, that he should care about but can’t. but you don’t have to care about a toy.

in summary, flowey imposes isolation upon himself and refuses to feel.

what about true pacifist, then?

true pacifist is what really give flowey’s arc some closure. because in true pacifist, he opens up a bit. he cares about chara, they’re the one person he’d allow himself to feel for. so it’s fitting that the person he thinks is chara is the one he reveals his identity to. he wouldn’t show anyone else he’s asriel, but chara deserves to know.

and then he shows off for them. not entirely sure why. maybe he feels the need to prove himself to them. prove that he’s not “weak” anymore. that he could kill any number of humans without blinking, if chara wanted him to.

asriel was loyal to a fault, and that loyalty just became greater the more chara faded from a person to an idol. eventually flowey just molded the idea into whatever he thought of it (see post-ruins genocide monologue). they were placed on a pedestal. he didn’t even have to do the placing, monsterkind had that covered already.

chara became a mentality. “kill or be killed.” it’s not some evil mantra. it just means “be strong enough, stop caring enough that you can never be hurt again.” LOVE is a measurement of your ability to inflict pain on others. it’s a measurement of how much you steel your heart against empathy. hp, defense… they both increase when you gain LOVE. you can hurt more. you can get hurt less. and the way to gain it… “kill or be killed.”

the final battle isn’t about defeating some cosmic soul-stealing threat. it’s about helping a lost kid understand that it’s okay to feel.

the souls?

they had nothing to do with it.

[arsen1cs4ng0]

serious post, please read

i think im comfortable enough to talk about my experiences with the chip fandom from march 2022 until february 2023, and how much it really affected me.

i never really wanted to publicly open up about this shit due to past experience and what i had to witness with many of my friends, but im kinda sick of pretending everything is fine and great on here!!

some of the shit i'll be saying under the keep reading cut may be really upsetting, please keep that in mind before proceeding (tws for suicide and harassment) doubt anyone will read this seeing as im such a small account, but hey fucking ho lol

ughhh where the fuck do i begin i created the starlandspoons account in the hopes of trying to warm up to the chip fandom again after enduring so much on the twitter side of it (hoping the tumblr side would be a little better) but... even with me trying to create good memories like i was able to in early 2022.... the pain i felt never subsided.

this is the part where val moans about their chip trauma!! the main shit (im not calling this """drama""". this shit is serious) started in late february of 2022. a controversial figure in the chip fandom, gremlin, came out with an ""apology"" for her actions (i go in detail about her actions here), blaming her actions in 2020/21 on shit like "i was doing it to piss people off" and much more that i dont really want to think about. admittedly, i initially fell for this, being too naive to understand exactly how bad she was (i knew she was bad, but didnt realise how bad)

now heres where the shit really started. back in march of 2022, i witnessed one of my friends on twitter (not naming who, i dont want them to get harassed again) get bombarded with hate + get vagueposted for not forgiving her. people started block-evading them, one person started being enbyphobic towards said person... you can get the idea here. the first time, it did a bit of damage on the way i viewed chip. i lost my taste in it temporarily. that was, until a few days later, where i had a new hyperfixation related to chip (lil guy), which kept my love for it going for a little longer!! that hyperfixation was so strong (stronger than any of my other ones had been) it was able to keep me mostly distracted from the bad shit. mostly.

everything was cool. great. as far as i remember... until late may/early june 2022. back in may of 2022, i became friends with someone called yuzu. they ran an account on twitter where they posted chip songs, tts songs, a/e songs, you get the picture... i became really good friends with them for a while, they were always there to listen to me, we'd talk a lot, yknow. what stood out was that nobody else i knew was that understanding. i was bullied a lot irl, and it was comforting to have that person there for you. i felt.... great!!!

the night of june 9th came, where they got blocked by my friends for "recommending a song from a bad person". they let me know about this, i checked what happened, and... it was a song from gremlin. this didnt bother me too much until i tried to explain to them that they were both problematic... they didn't listen. i dont remember the exact details now as my brain blocked out most of it, but i remember this almost made me spiral into a meltdown, and i suddenly couldnt stand them. i blocked them because i was too uncomfortable and i was on a brink of a meltdown.

june 10th, they made a whole vent about me. guess who had a meltdown!! multiple meltdowns in the span of 2 weeks!! how did i know?? twitter bugged out on me. the vent completely broke me. i was reminded of my ex and how they talked to me. i started getting scared of myself. i felt like a monster. i seriously wanted to kill myself. at that point, i was waiting for my chip friends to block me because i started all of the shit this time!! shit people wanted to move on from!! my brain was convincing me that my chip friends hated me!! (and to this day i still feel like that sometimes)

i had so many more meltdowns from that time. late june, i had to defend another friend (who i'll refer to as bones, for privacy reasons) from being manipulated by them. i was so angry one of my friends went to calm me down through dms. i was so stressed out of my mind that i even went non-verbal one time, which rarely happens!! this continued on and on and on, spending my time and energy defending my friends. i found out so much more about gremlin, even more gross shit, seeing she was friends with someone who is very openly radf*m/a t*rf (+ blamed bones for their own personal family problems), someone who was openly proshit (+ was one of the people who harassed one of my friends)... you get the picture.

this ate away at my mental health more, to the point where i started contemplating suicide. shit i dealt with irl really didnt help either.

the worst part was in january of this year where i had a really bad panic attack because i was scared bones was going to kill themself and there was nothing i could do about it. after that i gave up with the fandom because i finally accepted no matter what i did, nobody would listen. to bones, the friend im talking about, i hope you're okay and i'm sorry i chickened out. im sorry i failed you.

i attempted to try to step my toe into the chip fandom a few months later again by creating the starlandspoons account as my vosim hyperfix was still there and i really missed the good times, but... i still felt unhappy. i have nightmares about the chip fandom sometimes. i am constantly reliving the shit i had to witness in my head. im still feeling the anger i felt those months ago. im still getting angry at myself for not doing more to defend my friends. im still feeling suicidal (not just from the chip fandom, but its contributing to it). it all hurts so much, to this day.

im still going to post on the starlandspoons account for as long as my vosim hyperfix continues. yall are not taking that from me.

sorry for such a heavy vent post, but ive just been needing to let this out for such a long time. it's 4am, i desparately need to sleep. i will say this a thousand times more: thank you to the chip friends who have stayed by my side despite all the shit i endured. thank you so much, you guys really mean to me. seriously, you guys do. i dont know what i'd do without you guys. and to 3 certain people from the chip fandom (you 3 know who you are), thank you especially.

for those who read all of this, thank you for listening to silly little val. i'll be okay, i think. i hope you guys have a good day/night/whatever time it is for you. ;___;

[irxnmaiden]

◓

Send ◓ for information about my muse’s pokemon team! [✉️]

“Once the dust finally settled following the whole Rocket fiasco in Johto, I knew it'd be best for my mental health to get up and outta the region the first chance I got. You see, Sunyshore was experiencing some pretty serious blackouts at the time—the entire city would go dark which, for a port, wasn't too favorable. A good friend of mine who I'd done previously done mechanical work for requested my assistance at the scene, which honestly... what terrific timing.

Though I was originally there to work, I still had ample time to visit my old stomping grounds. A lot of Sinnoh had changed in the years I'd been away, the public's interest in Pokemon Contests being one most notable shift.

I have to admit, the first time I passed a Contest Hall I mistook it for a battling arena—the thundering roar of the audience alone was convincing enough! The locals seemed to be obsessed with those showcases, which I'm guessing was contagious... I just had to get in there, to see for myself what the hype was all about.

Stahlos and Sanho quickly became known as my standouts and developed their own fanbases even, to the point people would flock to our performances to see them in particular! It was kinda nice, really, to have the focus shifted away from myself for once... but inevitably, I guess, I gained a few new fans along the way, too. Every showcase ended with us being showered in gifts, all of which I still have somewhere to this day.

The most notable one I'd receive came in the form of an egg. I had no idea what to expect, and was given not a single hint from the enigmatic fan who never did give me her name–

–completely goes without saying that, at the moment I could feel the presence inside trying to communicate with me telepathically, it wouldn't be a Pocket Monster I'd ever had the pleasure of meeting before...

A lot of folks have become familiar with the sight of me and Cairo, as he typically holds a reserved place among my party. He's awfully stoic at times, despite being an absolute menace in battle. I find his duality interesting in that way: in one moment, he's cracking skulls, and in the next, tranquilly lost in deep thought—thoughts he, thankfully, is never short on sharing.

He is incredibly philosophical with the ways in which he views the world at large. Though abstract in a sense, his grasp on the bigger picture never dwarfs his focus on the finer details. He understands the human consciousness and process of emotions to such a strong degree, it's astounding—there are times he's more my therapist than he is a teammate!

His fierce loyalty is something I find as admirable as his abstract thinking. I couldn't imagine a life without him, really—it would feel far too empty, borderline unnavigatable, without his voice of reason echoing in the back of my mind."

[gingeredmink]

just finished debris n now I'm curious what your thoughts on lefia and/or the true end are

NICE! Hope ya enjoyed it!

As for thoughts HOOOOH BOY

Have way too many of them that are all over the place. Gonna warn you this is a really scattered wall of text heh

First of all Lefia and her relationship to Tatsuki

Personally don't think Lefia's a real person [have seen some theories that she's Tatsuki's sister] and is more of an imaginary friend of sorts. The image shown when you find her in the apartments looks more sketch like the other drawings as opposed to an actual photo. Think Tatsuki might have been the one to draw it. As the contents are never actually shown thinks possible to have been either a more picture heavy child's book or journal.

Lefia could have been a character from or based on said book that they really liked/would've wanted to be friends with if she was real so they imagined they were friends. As Tats seems to feel lonely and unable to connect to people they sought comfort from Lefia constantly.

Another possibility is she's a sort of idealized alter-ego they made as a form of escapism. They have serious self-hatred problems and wish they were someone else so they pretend to be Lefia in their head to get away from themself. In this case the red book could've been a journal Tats made to document their stories as Lefia, and maybe helping them further distance self.

Bit of a note on that; in the underground looking are this npc sitting next to door gives you a look when enter. The figure inside the room looks like they're sitting in a way reminiscent to someone in an interview or discipline lecture. Pressing the button plays a series of weird drawing, and personally think they give off the same sort of feelings as those drawings

Given that you have to use the stop effect and door becomes translucent Tatsuki might have kept her a secret from others, sometimes even going off and hiding to spend time with/as her.

The True Ending

God thoughts on this are all over the place and honestly still not sure what to make of Tat's mouth getting messed up before going off. Best idea is its showing how they snapped and turned into a monster, but even that doesn't seem to click right.

During her part, Lefia puts away several childs toy then enters a glitched/messed up version of Tatsuki's room with Tats asleep in their bed. She walks slower and gets a shadow over her face. After this there's the path scene where Lefia blocks Tats. Am convinced this is a metaphor for Tatsuki giving up their innocence [putting away childs toys and 'killing' their imaginary friend]. Lefia block path to area with the two corpses could be that part deep down trying to save them. Walking away means they chose not to give in, but the scenes with them looking at the book on the ground then sitting on bed looking down imply they lost the comfort it provided and ultimately just gave up and became an empty shell [they're trapped somewhere they're miserable, entirely alone, and failed to escape so what's the point of trying anymore? whatever hope they had the future could be better is gone.]

Choosing to stab Lefia of course means they 'threw away their innocence' or stopped trying to stay a good person. [theorize they had trouble controlling emotions, especially anger, and either got berated/punished and called a monster when they lost control or viewed themselves as such and was scared that's who they could become.] After this am not really sure what to make of everything, tho think Tat's corpse being in the field heavily implies they died.

As Tats and the chaser meet up at the park think its safe to say the two had some sort of relationship, either as genuine friends or a 'friend' that bullied Tats. Personally lean more towards genuine friends. Feel like the area underwater with the chaser looking down and sitting in an isolated n closed off could show that Tatsuki saw her as someone that was also lonely and the two became close friends due to being able to relate to one another so well. In this case you can play with possibility the red book was either a gift or something the two enjoyed together which is why they have it with them when meeting. yknow, if you want the ending to sting more heh

An interesting detail is the area the ending happens in seems to resemble this area. Not sure if the npc that turns into a child when using upside-down effect [which can be taken as either 'seeing things as they are' or Tatsuki's distorted view, which can really shape view of the chaser as she's usually tame and using effect shows her in chaser form.] or house with two active and fast chasers really means anything but think its something worth noting.

Sooo yeah, there's thoughts. Hope it was a fun and/or interesting [and intelligible] read!

COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT BUT WANNA SHARE THIS ADORABLE HARINEZUMI MADE OF SOU READING BOOK WITH LIL LEFIA IN CORNER TO TATS. THE WAY THEIR HAIR RADIATES POMERANIAN ENERGY N THEY LOOK SO SOFT/COMFY JUST.

also there’s a doll that resembles lefia in Mikan Muzou

[murmuur-vanilja]

Fictober 2022.15 — Sullivan, that’s gross

Prompt number 15: "What are you doing?" Original fiction: My Servant, the Devil Rating: M Warnings: gore, death

What a pitiful view it was, oh-so-tragic, her hands bathing in blood. She had torn my flesh apart in the middle of the night while I was asleep, hoping to achieve fast results this way. To be perfectly honest, she could’ve been more effective had she used her weapon of choice, which had been designed to extract the very soul out of its body, but what she had perceived as a lack of humanity within my self had led her to suspect the method wouldn’t work. Therefore, she stood there, over my body, her metallic hands dug deep in my chest. My shape was left deeply sabotaged, a barely recognisable mess. It couldn’t even be called a disgusting feast of meat, for my black blood was unlike anything she had ever seen. It wasn’t just the usual crimson that had gone dark from the oxygen, it was of the purest midnight sky — thus, even the usually composed AI became grossed out. “I desire you to die, Papa. I really do. But this is a lot.”

The cold words escaped her mouth as she gagged several times from the squishy muscles, trying not to puke. Of course, killing me was her true wish, and the squeamishness she suddenly felt in her heart wasn’t due to a questioning of morals in an act of parricide. The idea that even a robot wouldn’t be able to handle my sight was quite laughable, yet annoying. I wasn’t her real father as I had never participated in her creation. However, my magic did play a role in the Life Extractor, her weapon. Since it was, to some extent, a part of her, I suppose she might not have been that off by referring to me as parent. However, there was not a single reality in which I would ever recognise her as my offspring. In the end, who could blame her for her death wish? Should I have? Not only did I not particularly care about whatever motivations she had, but I also didn’t uphold the moral high ground. Be not mistaken, I was not worse than her. If she was immoral, I was amoral. We were drastically different, to the point that we couldn’t be compared unless you tried to fit me into a neat human-like box — and as the very reason she had her hands moving around my blood was that she didn’t recognise such qualities in me. “Ah. So much blood, why is it that way?” She reflectively withdrew herself from my insides as she tried to get deeper. Indeed, she had been burnt. Although she had hypothesised that I wouldn’t have a soul, she hadn’t gone so far as to imagine my entire anatomy would be unlike anything she had come to know so far. She couldn’t find any organs yet, only blood and the feeling of a fire lit up somewhere beneath the flesh. She turned on a light, trying to visualise where the heart she wanted to tear apart was located so as not get burnt uselessly a second time. However, while the pain hadn’t really bothered my sleep, the light definitely woke me up. I gently opened my eyelids, took notice of the situation and rolled my eyes as I rolled over to my side, mumbling. “What are you doing, lol?” She froze. Although she was already persuaded of my demonic nature, this had achieved to convince her. Then, after the initial shock, she felt even more disgusted by me. “I desire you to die, Papa. I need to take away your heart. You are a monster.” I chuckled, only half-amused by her words. I could’ve had killed her on the spot, yet I didn’t want to. Was that a whim, or was it proof that I somehow did possess the qualities she had stripped me off? The question was of no interest to me. Instead, I snapped my fingers, enforcing my status as the Ruler of the Nightmares. “True, lol. Whatever, just go to sleep.”

[fangoriousfae]

I'm probably far from the first person to think this, but I had the thought that part of the reason you have to SAVE the souls of the monsters you've befriended by reminding them of how you helped them get over their hang-ups before you can SAVE Asriel is that they all went through stuff that Asriel had experienced as Flowey.

Like Toriel, Flowey couldn't let go of a traumatic loss, projected that loss onto someone new, became convinced that his way of doing things and viewing the world is the only right way, and forced that view on others in order to try to prevent that loss from happening again. They both needed to release their control and accept that they might be wrong.

Like sans, Flowey despaired his inability to return to how things were before and stopped caring about most things in the world. They both needed to be shown that things aren't as hopeless as they seem and that there are still things worth giving a shit about.

Like PAPYRUS, Flowey was isolated, terribly lonely, and desperate to have more than just one person understand and appreciate him. They both needed a friend.

Undyne is kind of like the Toph of Undertale: she changed the least out of the main characters because she mostly had her shit together from the get-go; she just needed a relatively minor attitude adjustment. Both Undyne and Flowey needed to get over their hatred of the protagonist and of humankind and monsterkind respectively.

Like Alphys, Flowey agonized over a past mistake to the point of suicidal ideation and started treating the world as a work of fiction and the people in it as characters to manipulate. They both needed to accept what they had done and to respect others and themselves enough to be sincere.

Like Asgore, Flowey raged at his circumstances, killed people about it, and encouraged the protagonist to kill him too. They both needed to be bested in combat and then spared, and shown that a better way is possible.

[transporttoanotherplace]

Book Review: Fav book of 2022?

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐✨4.5 stars

Content warning: child abuse (sexual, physical, and emotional), mentions of suicide, rape, incest, domestic and sexual assault, a POV from a character who committed sexual assault, and abortion.

Summary: Watkin's debut novel, Perish, follows the Turner family and the consequences of the matriarch, Helen Jean, who feels obligated by God to keep her child rather than try to abort the child again. Bear it or perish. Her decision has lasting consequences that ripple through subsequent generations.

The novel alternates between alternating points of view: Helen Jean; Julie B, the only one of Helen Jean's children who still live with her; Jan, plagued by the trauma she suffered as a child; Lydia, whose infertility has ruined her marriage; and Alex, now a cop who has a twisted, dark past that leaves him questioning if one can rid themselves of the darkness within them.

All must come together as Helen Jean's death is approaching and face the secrets they've all done their best to not vocalize. It's a painful journey to relive and with each truth revealed the heartbreak only intensifies.

Review (non-spoiler):

An absolutely beautiful and gut-wrenching novel. Watkin's novel masterfully explores generational trauma and the difficulties in breaking away from it. Each character is difficult to like as all their flaws are out in the open but you feel deeply for all of them and the trauma each character was forced to endure. It's a bold choice to include a perspective of a character who is a rapist but an appropriate one. Watkins never absolves her characters of their mistakes, and even demands that we as humans need to take responsibility for our part, but her added insight adds depth to the character that shows how we as humans can make our own monsters thinking we're going to do better than our parents only to repeat the cycle.

"She looks like someone who got everything wrong because she had been wronged."

The way this line shook me. My generational trauma is not as intense as the Turner family but I could read my feelings on each page. Understand the feeling of wanting to shake everyone and just ask them to talk. To beg others to let go of their pride and ego and work together. To want to run away and take my siblings away because it seems the only way out is to run. To feel disappointment, shame, and anguish at the realization you've repeated the mistakes of your parents. That you might have even done worse. Reading this inspired me to journal the night of and ask myself what of my own family's trauma?

This isn't an easy book to get through. Much of the content warning I mentioned is explicit and I urge people to be careful picking up this book. It's a worthwhile read but it can send a person down a dark hole very fast.

The pacing is quick thankfully and surprisingly considering much of the story is told through memories and the actual plot of the book is only about a few days' worths. Very character-driven novel. Prose is exceptional. At times I struggles with the dialect since I'm unfamiliar with southern dialect but I kept going and it became easy to understand. I hear the audiobook is excellent and has a full cast of characters. This could have been a 5 but aside from the first chapter, the beginning is actually a little tough to get through, and I had to convince myself to keep going. Also, trying to keep track of the characters and who's related to who can get confusing and there are some aspects to the story that I feel are glossed over. I know this isn't how it works out but I really wanted an epilogue for this book.

Amazing job! I know technically she's written two other books that weren't very popular but this is being hailed as her debut novel and I'm surprised because I'd expect this level of writing from a writer with several titles under her belt.

[inzsanewrites]

Hello !!! If its not a bother can we have Jinwoo with an E-ranked s/o? Just pure fluff please of him being overprotective and may or may not have once shadow exchanged with one of his soldiers hidden in his sarang’s shadow with bloodshot eyes EVEN THOUGH HIS BELOVED ONLY HAD A SMALL CUT ON THE CHEEK BECAUSE OF THE FLYING DEBRIS WHEN THE MONSTER SMASHED ITS HANDS ON THE FLOOR. I’ve seen a lot of s-ranked s/o but I like the dynamic more with e-ranked because…I’m a sucker for oveprotective Jinwoo

E-Rank S/O Gets Hurt

You thought it was just an E-Ranked gate and volunteered to go along to your friend, Tae-He. It took a lot of convincing and cuddling on your part to get Jin-Woo to agree but you had finally done it in the end.

Now look at the situation you were stuck in.

The B-Rank attackers had just finished the supposed it “boss” and when the blue lights of the gate’s opening turned a crimson red.

Everyone was panicking, the attackers trying to communicate with the standby team, the mages trying to unlock the gate or send some sort of signal and you were behind, trying to comfort a hyperventilating Tae-He along with the rest of the E-Ranks.

Scchhh

Abruptly, everyone quieted down as the heard the sound approaching. The attackers quickly placed themselves upfront and the mages grabbed on to their gear and some their grimoires.

Soon as the sound came closer, a snarling midnight blue large wolf came to view. It had to be at least the size of an elephant. Several horse sized ones followed behind it.

They were smaller but just as dangerous.

“Attackers! Charge in!” The B-Rank leader commanded. But he had just begun to proceed when he was interrupted by a black stature.

Beru.

Your rapid heartbeat returned to normal as you saw the Jeju ant tear the large wolf to shreds within seconds.

The B-Ranked hunters, that had been ready to risk their lives not too long ago, were in awe at the ruthless and the E-Rank hunters had calmed down a considerate amount.

Unfortunately, everyone seemed to have forgotten the wolf’s followers in their relief.

The wolves had became frantic for an escape after seeing what Beru had done to their leader and hastily ran back into the direction of the tunnel.

However, you and Tae-He just happened to be situated there.

Looking at the crazed wolves, you remembered your few training sessions with Jin-Woo and were able dodge, pulling a passed out Tae-He with you.

You were both unscathed, save for the faint scratch on your cheek that you received from a jagged rock that had been on the ground were you had rolled to.

You heard an unearthly screech from Beru as he advanced to the head of the rampage but a pool of shadows replaced him with your significant other, Jin-Woo.

“Woo!” You called out happy to see him but something was wrong as he approached you, uncaring for the fear-stricken wolves or the party members.

His beautiful silver eyes had become the terrifying monarch purple.

Jin-Woo only stopped a few steps from you, before brushing his hand against your cheek.

“You’re hurt.”

Ah. The scratch you got earlier.

“It’s nothing,” you tried to brush it off.

But it wasn’t nothing to him.

“You’re hurt.” He repeated.

“Woo, it’s o-.”

You didn’t get a chance to finish as Jin-Woo turned around to face Beru, noticeably angry.

“Who did it?”

Beru’s antennae cowered a bit and he pointed a large claw towards the wolves that appeared to be above a large urine puddle.

Jin-Woo fixed his gaze on them and a slaughter you eyes couldn’t keep up with had began and finished.

They had been torn to shreds and bits of their pay loosely around their body pieces. Some of them had landed in front of the pale attackers.

Before you took in the scene, Jin-Woo wrapped his arms around you and shadow transferred you both to his room. He gently forced you to sit on his bed, while you protested it was a simple scratch, he went to retrieve the first aid kit in his bathroom.

“Sarang, sit still. It’s going to sting a bit,” he warned before he dabbed on the alcohol swab.

It did hurt a bit but not as much as the sadness you saw in Jin-Woo’s eyes.

You reached out and carefully intertwined he hands with yours.

“Woo, I promise it’s nothing more than a simple scratch.” You tried to assure him.

Jin-Woo squeezed your fingers and leaned his forehead on yours.

“Y/n-ah, that’s not even the half of it. Those were S-Class monsters, if Beru hadn’t been there I would’ve lucky that you gotten away with just a small cut. I just wish you would quit, but it would seem so hypocritical of me. If you went for the money, I have and make enough to support the both of us. If you wanted to hangout with you’re friend, you could’ve gone to a cafe to hangout or something.” Jin-Woo let out a shaky sigh. “You can do anything. Anything you want. But please, I’m begging you, don’t keep being a hunter. I can’t afford to lose you, I would go crazy.”

You lightly brushed your nose against his.

“I’ll think about it.”

A/N: I’m leaving this here and taking a hiatus but will be back ( ◕‿‿◕ )

[chanfictions]

12 Kakuzu🥲💦

I realized as I was about to post this that it shares some similarities with one of @mytanuki-kun 's drabbles, seen here, so I wanted to link it as a note that it was the spark of inspiration that fueled this one. This man is going to be the death of me and lives rent-free in my head.

Kakuzu x Reader

"Don't mind me, just enjoying the view."

.7k 

There was something deeply wrong with you for getting so leg-clenchingly hot and bothered watching Kakuzu kick the absolute shit out of Hidan on the sparring mat. His flexing muscles, growled threats – Hidan soaring 20 feet through the air and halfway through the goddman wall after Kakuzu snatched him by the throat and fucking threw him like a rag doll – it was just so…

Delicious.

You swallowed hard from your not-particularly-well-hidden observation point near the doorway, biting your lip as your heart pounded its way into your mouth and warmth filled your core. Your fist crumpled the message in your hand that you were supposed to bring him as you completely forgot what you had come here to do. 

That man had no business looking as good as he did, slicked with a sheen of sweat that accentuated every perfect, rippling curve of his statuesque body. No business having such thick arms and such a perfectly sculpted chest. No business having a figure carved from marble like some kind of ill-tempered god. Those forearms… those hands… such strong, calloused hands. Hands that could wrap so perfectly around your throat. Hands that could drive you wild and selfishly claim and survey every inch of your skin. Hands that–

"Can I help you?"

That low, gravelly voice interrupted your lecherous daydreams, snapping you back to reality with heat flooding your cheeks so quickly you thought your head might burst. Your tongue fell apart in your mouth, eyes widening as you gazed up at the hot, leering, monster of a man that had somehow gotten quite close to where you were standing in the midst of your embarrassingly lewd fantasizing. "I... um…"

Kakuzu watched with great amusement and a crooked sneer as you absolutely malfunctioned trying to speak to him, looming over you – shirtless, sweating, and caging you against the wall, taunting you with the beautiful body he had no fucking business having. He very purposefully braced a hand next to your head, towering down over you as a few locks of hair escaped his bun and reached down toward your face. "Speak up, girl."

Panicked, your brain scrambled for words as your heart tried to hammer its way through your ribs. The heat pooling and aching between your legs was distracting and intolerable. How were you supposed to answer him like a reasonable human being when he was doing that to you? "Don't mind me, just enjoying the view," you blurted out in a breathless whisper, as though you were in some kind of trance. The moment you opened your mouth, you realized you had made a terrible, terrible mistake.

Deep rolls of quiet, mocking laughter shook your very being as he basked in the wave of embarrassment quickly washing its way over your body. It was almost cute. "Is that so?" He husked, leaning in further, only making your problem magnitudes worse as the heat radiating off of him consumed your senses, and you became convinced that you were going to faint. He was so close you could practically feel his solid, muscular thigh between your legs. Despite them still being a respectable distance, your lust-sick brain filled in the gaps. Those perfectly rough fingertips brushed against your wrist and over your palm toward the now very crinkled and slightly sweaty note clenched so desperately in your hand.

"Yes," you squeaked, unable to break your wide-eyed gaze from his penetrating stare, your brain short-circuiting the moment his fingers grazed your skin.

"Yes, what?" He growled in your ear with that wicked smirk still pulling at the corners of his mouth, circling that strong, weathered hand around your wrist.

"Sir," you exhaled airily without even thinking, melting into the wall, consumed by a torrent of inexplicable need that turned you into nothing but a puddle.

Still pointing that leg-soaking look of amusement at you, he released your wrist and slipped his fingers into your palm, sliding the note out of your grip as you all but trembled beneath his leering. A gruffly murmured, "Good girl," sent shivers down your spine and twisted your chest into knots as he slowly peeled away from the speechless mess you had made of yourself, looking all too satisfied as he chuckled smugly and walked away.

[thatgaiagirl]

Finally got around to watching Arcane and OH FUCK OH GOD I HAVE THOUGHTS-

What i’ve seen so far when it comes to the ending is basically people choosing between Vi and Silco in that ending scene and (mostly) dismissing the other perspective, and i wanted to give my thoughts.

First off, Powder and Jinx are not two different people. I know the language in the show kind of implies that with Jinx saying ‘Powder fell down a well’ and stuff like it, but i dont think they’re two seperate personalities. Powder became Jinx after the explosion, one evolved into the other. The best comparison i’ve seen is that Powder is like a deadname: Jinx abandoned it because of the trauma associated with it.

And that’s where my opinion comes in: both Vi and Silvo were right, but both were also very wrong. Each of them loves Jinx, but the way in which they love her has given them blind spots.

First, Vi. She’s understandably horrified at Jinx’s behaviour, girl is a reckless mass murderer who almost shot her when fighting the Firelights. She’s also worried for Jinx’s mental health, because Jinx is very obviously not stable. Both of these reactions are completely normal, and her desire to help Jinx is a good thing: this behaviour isn’t normal, and Jinx does need help.

The problem is the way Vi loves her. Vi loves Powder, the memory of her sister, and she’s essentially been stuck in stasis as the rest of the world changed around her. As a result, Vi is stuck in the past: she’s convinced that the way to help her sister is to make everything go back to the way it used to be, which is not what Jinx needs. The only real variable between then and now for Vi is Silco: her sister changed because of Silco, therefore Silco brainwashed her and getting rid of Silco will make her Powder again. She doesn’t realise that Jinx can’t be Powder again. She can’t undo the things that her sister experienced, can’t undo the changes she went through, and trying to is hurting her sister instead of helping. Jinx didn’t forget the past: she’s haunted by it. When Vi starts calling out names in the dinner party, she’s worsening Jinx’s mental state: we see the background disappear entirely and every name Vi calls becomes another monster to hurt Jinx. Vi can’t recognise that those names aren’t positive for Jinx anymore, and trying to force her sister into the past only made Jinx more incoherent in that moment.

Then, we have Silco. Silco did genuinely care for Jinx and love her as a father, but he’s also not exactly a mentally healthy individual. He wasn’t necessarily a good father, but he was certainly a loving one. He truly accepted her as Jinx: not forcing her to relive her past, in fact, he was doing everything in his power to help her move on from it. The only frame of reference he had was himself, so his ways of helping her deal with her trauma was based on his own experiences (hence the baptism scene). Being accepted as Jinx, as who she was now, is exactly what she needed: not being forced to relive her traumatic past.

Like Vi, the way in which Silco loves her gives him a huge blindspot. He accepts her including her flaws, which is good, but in doing so he has romanticised those flaws, which is bad. As far as he is concerned, the violent behaviour, the hallucinations, they are a fundamental part of his daughter that is included in her ‘perfectness’, which is a TERRIBLE mentality to have. We see throughout the series he is incredibly lenient with her, to the point of letting her stab him repeatedly and kidnap him without once getting angry at her. He cannot recognise those parts of his daughter as something that’s hurting her and everyone around her, because he views her as the perfect embodiment of Zaun: chaotic and tragic and fierce. By telling her she is perfect in his last breath, he has essentially frozen her in this terrible mental state forever. She will never change now, if she’s perfect in her father’s eyes, then why would she get help? She doesn’t need it.

The sad thing is, there is a middle ground here. There’s a way for her to get help and recover whilst still embracing her identity as Jinx, but she’s forced to choose between two imperfect options and we can see the strain it puts on her.

Vi loves her sister as Powder, and that allows her to accurately see that her sister needs help, but because of her attachment to Powder she thinks the way to ‘fix’ Jinx is to make her Powder again, which only hurts her sister more.

Silco loves her for who she is now, for Jinx, the embodiment of Zaun that she has become. But this blind acceptance means he is unable to recognise that his daughter needs help at all.

I find it incredibly tragic, and pretty realistic to how real relationships can work and how love, no matter how genuine, can end up blinding you to what your loved one actually needs.

In conclusion: poor Jinx.

[foxwritesstuffsometimes]

In defence of Billy Hargrove (part two: affects of abuse)

Billy Hargrove was not the best of people. Despite what antis may suggest, the majority of us can acknowledge that, I’m not going to sit here and fully defend his actions, because many of the things he did were pretty reprehensible, but I’d like to go further into the affects of his upbringing and it’s possible affects on his behaviour. And most of all, despite his actions, I still hold firmly onto the belief, that he deserved a second chance.

Billy Hargrove lived a pretty shitty life. His father was an awful person who abused him, and the mother that was present in his life (his step mother Susan) stood by and watched this abuse happen with little intervention. To grow up without parental love is extremely damaging, from a psychological point of view, we all need a certain amount of nurture to grow up, to grow into ourselves, and to grow up without that may sometimes lead to little to no self esteem. This is what I believe resulted in some of Billy’s behaviour.

Throughout the shows runtime Billy is portrayed as arrogant, confidant, flirty and brash, with little to no cracks in the mask, however the little slip ups we see in his behaviour are very telling towards his real mindset. People who are miserable often put up facades to distract the world of how they really feel, and oftentimes to distract themselves as well. I believe Billy Hargrove was no different. He grew up beaten and bruised by his father, with no real mother to rely on, learned through experience that any show of real emotion could land him a beating, so hardened himself and created a new exterior within himself to protect himself from showing any weakness.

A couple times we really see him break, both in season three are the scene where he is trapped in the sauna by the main crew, and towards the end when he sacrifices himself to save them. The first scene in the sauna, we see him distraught, trying desperately to convince max that the killings he committed under the mindflayers influence weren’t his fault, miserable, and broken, far from the character that we witnessed prior. And the second, his final scene, he is finally shown comfort by someone, eleven, and sacrifices himself to save his sister and her friends. I for one, hate the majorities of this trope of redemption, but somehow I believe this one was a lot deeper than meets the eye. Billy Hargrove, I believe, hated himself. He was a miserable person who likely believed he was just as much of a monster as his father, so it’s telling that in his final moments, the first time we really see him being shown comfort within the show, he chooses to sacrifice himself to save the girl who showed it to him. However despite this I cannot fully agree with Billy’s passing, as I believe the notion that abuse victims can only find solace through their deaths as a pretty disgusting take.

Trauma is an extremely heavy load to carry. It can lead to feelings of misery, loneliness, anger, and hatred towards yourself and the world in general. Billy’s behaviour in my mind, seemed to wildly stem from this. He treated max poorly because he never really learned to treat her with care, something he himself hadn’t felt since his biological mother was around and he lashed out at the people he wanted to be close to (Steve Harrington in particular), because he didn’t know how else to get their attention. In my mind, Billy Hargrove was an extremely damaged and sad individual, and truly the fact that most other people can’t really see past someone’s anger to the underlying pain within is pretty upsetting to me.

Sibling relationships are complicated, I would know as I have three younger sisters. In the past I was pretty horrible to them myself. Taking out your pain on the people who you are close to isn’t as uncommon as you’d think, especially if seemingly they don’t see how much your hurting. Max and Susan became a part of Billy’s life after Neil Hargrove remarried. In my mind I believe there was a high likelihood that Billy had begun to get abused long before Susan and max joined the family, so it is likely the anger and resentment he had been feeling had already begun boiling over. Billy was already hurt and miserable, and I can only imagine how much more hurt he would feel seeing how max and Susan were treated in contrast to himself. Neither were beaten as far as we know, Neil was never shown to be violent to either, so seeing this I can imagine Billy only became worse off, more miserable and angry that ever before.

Billy was never really able to show any signs of redemption throughout season two, but we see a couple glimmers of hope in season three where him and max have appeared to grow closer. Max was the only one who seemed unable to accept Billy being possessed by the mindflayer, she seemed miserable, worried, and most of all I’m a state of pretty heavy denial, and I believe despite how poorly they seemed to get on, they both still cared about each other deep down. I’m unsure if max was aware of Neil’s mistreatment towards Billy, but when season four hit and she seemed in such a heavy state of grieving for him, I found myself really wishing that they’d had a chance to be close one day.

I will not sit and excuse Billy’s behaviour, like I said before, he did some pretty shitty things. But I think seeing through the complexities of a persons actions can lead to a much healthier mindset. Billy was never able to break away from his abuse. He was never able to get better, never able to get therapy and never able to build a healthier relationship with his sister. If it were up to me he would’ve been redeemed in a much healthier and more complex way. If it were up to me, his character would be written in a show with much better writers who cared enough to handle his character with the care it deserved. Despite his actions, I still love Billy’s character. It’s not often we see a character like him that’s deeper than meets the eye, and god it’s been nice being able to really connect to a character in the way I have to him. It’s not often that abuse/trauma victims are given a character to represent how we feel. And that’s why it’s so saddening that he was handled so poorly, people like us, we need hope, and if we’re treated like monsters, as was the case for Billy, things will only get worse.

(Let me know if I missed anything, been a while since I watched season 2+3, final part will be out tomorrow)

[familyagrestefanblog]

You know, at first I didn't like that Félix was allowed to find Emilie in the basement instead of Adrien in "Risk" AT ALL, because I thought it took an important factor away from him of the reason for why he got akumatized two times. But when I actually really think about it, Emilie was NEVER the reason why Adrien got akumatized. Neither time was it the negative emotions of finding his mother that Gabriel took advantage of, it was ALWAYS the fear of Gabriel himself and what he's doing to his son.

Yes, of course I would have preferred to have Adrien be the one to find Emilie, because that's his mother, but I think I understand why Canon is now going another route.

Because this has never really been about Emilie, least of all Adriens akumatizations. Adrien never HAD to actually see his mothers body in his two akumatizations since Gabriel in the end always ended up having Adrien do something else than straight up bringing Emilie back anyway. For all it is, Adrien could now just find out that Gabriel is ShadowMoth in "Strike back" by finding the Butterfly lair and then face his father about it and Gabriel/ShadowMoth would do EXACTLY the same by trying to akumatize Adrien and giving the reason "to safe your mother" (just this time it wouldn't work because Gabriel has no control ring left anymore) The father-son conflict we have seen for the entire show has never actually been about Emilie. Sure, what happened to Emilie and Gabriel wanting to bring her back is what set all of this off in the first place, but at this point we have come a long way and moved quite past that. ESPECIALLY Adrien which is honestly very noticeable in his reaction in "Ephemeral", especially when you compare it to his first reaction in "Chat Blanc" and Félix' reaction in "Risk".

So as weird as the question may seem, but why SHOULD Adrien be the one to find Emilie right now?

Frankly, the only thing that would change is that Adrien not having found his mother prior would not be able to play into Gabriels favors by trapping Adrien there or destabilize his sons emotions through showing him his lost mother's body. Honestly, Adrien doesn't actually stand in an disadvantage AT ALL now that he wasn't the one to find his mother. Because Adrien never wanted Emilie back. Adrien has moved on from the loss of his mother, having him know that she's down there only contributes one giant factor that stops Adrien from cutting loose from his father.

For Adrien his mother is dead and thats not something that's going to change if he were to find her. She isn't alive and secretly locked up down there waiting for her son to find her. She is an inanimate body, as much of a corpse as this family cartoon gets away with. Adrien knowing that his mother was down there the entire time and that his father held onto her like this while being Hawkmoth for over a year now actually only truly functions as a manipulative way for Gabriel to get his son to give him a benefit of a doubt (even for just long enough to take advantage of his son) and sympathy he doesn't deserve.

Because Adrien doesn't have to have seen his mothers body to understand that his father is 100% serious if Gabriel were to tell with that he's convinced he's doing all of this for her, for THEM and this is why he became the monster he is today. Adrien can STILL be faced with his fathers motivation of wanting to bring back Emilie, that aspect of Adriens akumatizations isn't suddenly lost without finding Emilies body in person.

It actually is going to be BETTER for finding out about his father being ShadowMoth and his motivation of bringing back Emilie and "saving" their family, because without having to unnecessarily deal with his mothers corpse Adrien will be able to view his father as the villain and his motivation as the plain truths they ARE. Gabriels motivation has never ever justified his actions, especially not regarding Adrien and this way, Gabriel for the first time will not be able to hide and deflect his position when Adrien finds out.

No hiding behind Emilies corpse as a motivation to make his actions seem more justified in Adriens eyes (or ANYONES eyes, looking at you Nathalie) even just for a moment to have enough time and caused enough tumultuous emotions in his son to take advantage of.

No hiding behind Emilie herself and the close bond she and Adrien shared to deflect from himself being a piss poor excuse of a father.

And no hiding behind the claim of "Adrien would understand if only he knew" because by now we KNOW what Gabriel would have been willing to tell Adrien before he rewrites reality to change certain aspects, and the entire family backstory and what happened to Emilie was NEVER part of it. Even if Emilie is now in the state she is in because of her having created Adrien with the peacock miraculous, then thats not something Gabriel would have told him. And therefore it also shouldn't factor in when Adrien finds out about his father being ShadowMoth.

This is why I can forgive that Félix is spoiled rotten by the narrative with all the inside knowledge of the family Agreste and their mystery, even if I don't find it ideal. If Adrien were to find the Butterfly lair in "Strike back" without his father there and confronts him then the father-son escalation would actually happen in the way that Gabriel had it coming since day fucking ONE.

Without getting to rely on a single one of the important secrets he kept from Adrien for so long as a way to manipulate him, and without the control over him that the rings gave Gabriel since Félix took care of that without Adriens knowledge too.

If the Father-son confrontation were to happen in "Strike back" then Gabriel/ShadowMoth would have do to it for the first time in the fatal disadvantage of having to do so in circumstances that actually reflect the perspective he left his son in for the ENTIRE SHOW: Emilie is still entirely GONE and his father holding onto a ghost, Gabriel DOESN'T have magical objects to control Adrien with since Adrien does NOT know that he's a Sentibeing and Gabriel became worse and more and more abusive as a father because being HAWKMOTH/SHADOWMOTH was more important to him than his own son.

Because THIS would be the truth from Adriens perspective in the oblivious state Gabriel has insisted on keeping him in no matter in how much pain, danger or disadvantages it puts his son in til now. And not gonna lie, I really start digging the idea of Gabriel/ShadowMoth having unleashed the start of his own downfall onto himself because for ONCE this man has to face his sons reaction to finding out about him being the villain (also for once NOT through Gabriel own active choice) on the terms he abandoned Adrien in in their civilian lives. And MAN do those term NOT look good for Gabriel AT ALL!

[asha-mage]

Yet More MDZS Things I Can't Stop Thinking About: Despite the fact that Wei Wuxian sees a reflection of his own pain and failures in Xiao Xingchen, he actually has MUCH more in common with Xue Yang, whose humble origins and great suffering at the hands of an indifferent and cruel world are much like Wei Wuxian's own. In a lot of ways Xue Yang is a dark mirror of Wei Wuxian: Both turned to demonic cultivation in spite of the dangers and the fears of their teachers, both have intense streaks of pettiness and a tendency to act immature, both have a habbit of pushing boundaries to see how much they can get away with and indulging their whims, even when it's short sighted.

The main difference is that, Wei Wuxian had at one point, those that loved and cared for him unconditionally, and so learned to love and care for others, while Xue Yang only had those who sought to take advantage of his abilities and make use of him, then abandoned him after it became inconvenient to continue supporting him. Xue Yang also shares the vengeful angry streak with Wei Wuxian but magnified and unrestrained by empathy or compassion. His self centered world view is born of the lived experience that kindness is a trap, and altruism is a myth.

And it's telling that, once he DOES encounter true altruism and kindness from Xiao Xingchen he immediately starts to improve. He spends years playing house with Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing, even giving up the cruelty of tricking Xiao Xingchen into killing living humans (as A-Qing notes they've stopped hunting 'fierce corpses' by the time Song Lan shows up). He's still a cruel fucked up little gremlin, but rather then pursuing power or destruction or even blind sadism he seems content to go night hunting with Xiao Xingchen, to cook for A-Qing, and to generally live a peaceful life. Even killing Song Lan is more an act of preservation of that life, than it is blind cruelty.

Except it's not enough, because Xue Yang has built himself a house of sticks that is destined to come crashing down, which it does the next day. When Xiao Xingchen learns the truth and confronts Xue Yang with his sins, Xue Yang reverts to his old defense: lashing out ten fold for the pain dealt to him. He has no defense, no justification for what he's done, and he knows it, so instead he hurls pain back, tries to drag Xiao Xingchen down to his level, to prove that he's no better, not really, that their both monsters, monsters that deserve each other, belong with each other. And so, overwhelmed and broken down, Xiao Xingchen lashes back the only way that he can: by denying Xue Yang what he wants, and slitting his own throat.

Even then, Xue Yang refuses to take responsibility for his own actions. First trying to raise Xiao Xingchen, and when that fails lashing out again blindly, at Xiao's corpse, at Song Lan, and finally at the person he can most convince himself is responsible: Cheng Ping, only this time it fails to make him feel any better, because he knows deep down that he has no one to blame for loosing Xiao Xingchen but himself. All he can do is devote himself to trying to piece together Xiao Xingchen's soul, so he can have the only person who ever showed him kindness back.

If things had been different, if they had met earlier, or had more time, if Xue Yang had trusted Xiao Xingchen with the truth and come clean on his own, then it's likely everything wouldn't have turned out the way that it did. But as Wei Wuxian notes, that's not what happened, and their's only one thing to be done: killing Xue Yang before he can do more damage to himself, the world, or his loved ones.

In summary:

[jjkyaoi]

okay. so. i’m going to be mostly going back to the scene where he broke a piece of the egg/the monologue before that because that scene is so good it’s just. chefs kiss. immaculate.

he was speaking about the wars before, right? everything that’s happened before, all the wars and the fights and the conflicts, and he said that basically of ‘em had started because he’d done something reckless—he referenced the revolution. he seems to be caught in a state of thinking where he thinks everything up to this point has been his fault, and i wouldn’t blame him, because he was in exile with dream. dream, who convinced him that everyone didn’t like him—who convinced him he was a danger and he causes problems and basically, that he needed to be put away. and that goes back to him being referred to as the “hero” of the story by multiple people: being called the hero really puts things in perspective to him, makes him think even more that everything is his fault, because hero’s are supposed to save the day, aren’t they? but all he does is cause misery. so, i wouldn’t be surprise if he’s shielding himself off from everyone/focusing on the hotel because he believes that he’s the constant source for hurt—that he’s the problem for everything, and he probably thinks that the hotel would be a good way to gain everyone’s forgiveness, because he’s said before that this hotel is for the people of the smp.

it’s been pretty obvious recently that c!tommy doesn’t think very well of himself. he’s made little self deprecating comments that wouldn’t matter, usually, but considering the exile arc/everything that’s happened it matters a whole lot. so, i really wouldn’t be surprised if he considers himself a plague/thinks he’s some kind of monster, especially considering what he’d became during his time with techno. tldr; c!tommy has a bad self esteem and i’m sad about it.

of topic, but i also wanted to speak about his loyalty, because that’s also something i’m thinking about about him rn. c!tommy has always shown unyielding loyalty to the things he holds close to his heart; the disks, l’manberg, people, his friends—he’s always been willing to walk to the ends of the earth for them, basically, and give up everything he has for them. maybe that’s selfish, but c!tommy’s always been a lover; he’s always been a person who’s loved with everything he has him, and he’s gotten attached to the little things very easily. that, unfortunately, makes him very easy to manipulate/betray. c!tommy in general is a very emotional personal. he lashes out in his anger, he makes impulsive decisions when he’s happy, he doesn’t seem to consider what consequences his emotion-fueled actions could have, but that’s 1. because he hadn’t been taught any better, & 2. because he’s a child. he’s in the middle of a wars; his emotional growth has been very stunted because he’s grown up in wars and he’s never ever had a proper way to cope/deal with his emotions properly, so of course he’s going to make bad decisions, because that’s all he’s ever known. he’s guided by his emotions because he doesn’t know any better, and he clings onto loyalty/the loyalty of others because it’s all he’s known.

his relationship with the word “hero”/being referred to as one. you can make the arguement that because of his vibrant personality he’s put himself in the position of hero, but that’s just unfair. since day one, i don’t think c!tommy’s been doing any of the things he’s done to be the hero—i don’t think he’s ever actually wanted to be one. the things he’s done, believe it or not, have always been out of the kindness of his heart; the decisions he’s made that could be considered “heroic” has just been guided by what he’s believed, not because he wants to be a hero, and he clearly doesn’t. all c!tommy has ever wanted was the safety of the people he’s loved/the wars to be stopped. all he’s ever wanted, really, is l’manberg. not the structures, but the time before it all; the time where they were all happy, the time where they were a community, the time where they didn’t have to worry about all this—that’s always what tommys wanted, because that’s when he was the happiest. it’s clear that the word “hero”/being called as one puts a lot of pressure onto him to be the best, and i’ve already spoken about him looking at the references for hero’s, and seeing everything he’s done, and hating that he’s been called one when all he’s done is called others pain.

his relationship with his disks. c!tommy’s always had a very big attachment to them, and it’s always been prominent. he’s always fought for them, his goal this entire time was to get his disks, and even if that’s annoying i’m going to explain why i think that’s so. even if it’s just a couple music disks to some, to c!tommy, when he turned down the position of presidency and instead decision to challenge dream for his disks, that was the last thing he needed in mind for him to be happy—his disks. back then, l’manberg was back, so his home was back, and all he needed was the last missing piece; his disks. in the exile arc they were something he held onto like a lifeline; his disks were the last thing that gave him permission—a mission he had to accomplish, a goal to keep him going, a reason to get out of bed at night and keep going despite not wanting to so badly. in his time with techno, his view on l’manberg was skewed; he view them all as traitors (with techno fueling the fire unknowingly but that’s another topic entirely), and held a lot of anamoisty towards them, and the only thing he wanted was his disks, because back then his disks were the only thing that mattered to him. the people that did—l’manberg, the thing that’d made him happy once had turned his back on him, so he was desperate for something, at least, when he felt like he didn’t have anything else. and he would do anything to get them, which we saw, and in the end he ended up giving them when he found out how unhealthily attached he’d gotten to them, and when he’d found that his last piece to happiness was tubbo.

his time with techno was probably one of his lowest points, as well as the exile arc. he’d come out of exile sore and raw and hurt, everything that’d happened to him like an open wound, and he’d been angry. he was angry, because once again, to him everyone in l’manberg had left him behind; he’d left him behind, so he didn’t have any attachment to anything but the disks anymore, and so he teamed up with techno in a vengeance fueled scheme to get his disks back. of course, he was still a lot hesitant about the destruction of l’manberg, and didn’t really want that to happen, but he was pushing down those feelings because, once again, he was hurt and thought he was betrayed. he went down this hole of being angry and unhealthily clinging to the disks even more, blind to anything else around him because the disks were the only thing that mattered, until he snapped out of it. he snapped out of it when he told tubbo “the disks were more than you ever were”, and seeing the raw hurt on his friends face really put it into perspective—he said so himself. he was becoming like everyone he hated. and honestly, you can have your arguments about how he chose to leave c!techno, but it’s honestly the best decision he could’ve made for himself and i’ll stand by that. he recognized the path he was going down and he stopped himself—it was really, really mature in my eyes.

the exile arc. probably one of his lowest points. ever. he was all alone there: there wasn’t anyone else there for him in that fucking place beyond dream, and he had to pick himself up and survive all on his own. the hurt from tubbo’s betrayal still stung like an open wound on him, and he was distrusting of everyone who visited; determined that he would prove that he didn’t need them, because he felt like they didn’t need him—because he didn’t want to lean to heavily on them because he knew what would happen. he didn’t have anyone else but dream, and dream took his insecurities and fed on him, telling him lies that he believed because they were things he already thought about. his character would wake up every night under water, presumably trying to go back to l’manberg in his sleep. the lava scene exists. and let’s not even talk about the way he kept repeatedly apologizing to dream when he exploded logstedshire, desperate to anything to fix his mistake because dream was all he had. he hid the things he had from dream because dream was his only friend, and sure, even if dream was scary him leaving and tommy being alone again was a lot scarier. he was going to jump off that pillar, but he came to the realization that saved his own fucking life and got out of there. tommy has said so himself, even if he falls he’s always going to get back up, and he did. dude i just wish he didn’t have to do it on his fucking own

i could speak about how he’s clearly got abandonment issues—constantly telling techno to not leave him when he was staying with him, etc—but like. this is long enough and i’d literally go on a tangent for hours and hours 😳

[capricioussun]

@uselessundertalefacts said: we LOVE goofy silly old guy… what’s your UF gaster like?

It’s so fantastic you ask that directly after “we LOVE goofy silly old guy” because, unfortunately, my UF Gaster is. Um. He’s not… okay, I need to start by saying he isn’t evil! He’s not!!! It’s…complicated. I’m actually going to put it under a readmore for (cw) heavy stuff, sorta that whole “canon typical violence!” warning for my usual UF interpretation.

So, UF Gaster.

I know I’ve very loosely implied a lot of bad things about my interpretation of UF Gaster, but, like mentioned above, the situation was complicated, to say the least.

As much as I like playing coy about my ideas on Gaster’s relation to The Boys, I will just directly state usually (but not always) I stick with the headcanon G created Sans and Papyrus for Various Reasons.

Following my other usual hc of that reason being “he was trying to make organic weapons to destroy the barrier and fucked up so bad he just made two little guys (children)”, that is indeed what happened in UF. He was attempting to make magic weapons to both break the barrier and be a major support with the, at the time, inevitable Next War with humankind.

By this point in the timeline, Toriel had already left and Asgore was well into his mental decline, becoming more aggressive and cruel. Gaster was under a lot of pressure as the Royal Scientist, most everyone looked to him as a beacon of hope for providing some solution, some level of protection.

I tend to hc Gaster, even within UT or softer ‘verses in general, can be a bit…unstable. Not dangerously so, not to really anyone more than himself, but he can get…carried away. Ambitious, incredibly intelligent, his moral compass can get a bit skewed at times, but in his heart, he is a kind monster, truly. Mostly.

Unfortunately for UF Gaster, the working and living conditions of his underground are not exactly conducive to good mental health and maintenance under the best of circumstances, even for the most grounded and steady individuals, so you can imagine this takes it’s toll on his psyche.

This is all to say that, despite doing arguably abhorrent things to Sans and Papyrus, Gaster…was not really a bad monster. He was put under a great deal of duress by Asgore, and essentially repressed his kinder instincts in favor of forcing himself to continue viewing Sans and Papyrus as the experiments he’d started off with. He even had himself fooled, as he gradually became more and more…detached.

This was also exacerbated by the process he used to create them: missing pieces of your soul and micro dosing on human soul extractives to keep yourself from destabilizing and melting doesn’t really lend itself to a gathered mind.

He managed to convince himself the ends justified the means to save monsterkind, even including the two of them, one day, and was so mentally unsound by the time he [REDACTED] it hardly mattered anyway.

It’s why Sans and Papyrus have such complicated views on him, Sans more so. He hated him for a time, but after becoming Judge and working alongside Alphys for a brief time, with of course the aid of the passage of time, Sans became more indifferent about Gaster, understanding the situation was…complex. Papyrus, conversely, has viewed it that way the whole time, and never hated Gaster. In some ways, he even agreed with him, if Gaster hadn’t [REDACTED], maybe he would’ve even succeeded eventually… And in Papyrus’ eyes, the needs of the many outweighing the needs of the few makes a lot of sense to him.

And I also just wanna clarify, when I say he did “abhorrent” things to them, he himself was almost never intentionally cruel to them. He was usually very blunt and straightforward, and their…well, maybe not well being, but survival was very, very important to him, not just because of their importance as projects, but because deep down, they were his kids, and he knew that. He knew that, no matter how buried it was. He wanted them to succeed for all their sakes, their own specifically especially. Asgore had threatened to…decommission them several times. Gaster had to complete them, had to perfect them. Failure wasn’t an option.

TLDR; my guy was suffering, so much, and under better circumstances, he would’ve been happy to raise Sans and Papyrus as his own, to the best of his at times dubious abilities. So like, take any times I mention how much he traumatized them w/ a grain of salt…

There actually was a UF AU I’d developed with a friend where monsters surfaced much earlier (Sans and Papyrus were still pretty young), and out from under the weight of all the pressure to save monsterkind, Gaster became a very loving, rather cooky, eccentric father figure to the boys. Morals are still dubious at times but he’s got two wonderful kids to keep ‘im on the straight and narrow lol

Okay I lied actually. He’s a little evil, but it’s like. In a funny, endearing way (usually). Like Uncle Fester.