#from today won't happen again and fuck up lunch and dinner

[scattered-winter]

thank GOD the week is finally over i did sooo badly taking care of myself this week

[thefatedthoughtofyou]

{ the song (I Just) Died In Your Arms came on at work today and then this happened. }

Warnings: aftermath of time loops, like years after, hurt/comfort, angst, allusion to sex and loss of virginity (its really more of a fade to black situation tho 👍🏻)

🍒🍒🍒

"Eddie?" Steve calls, dropping his bag and all his crap by the door, and toeing off his shoes.

"Kitchen! Rob's at Chrissy's tonight so I thought we'd do dinner and a movie?" Eddie's voice calls, and Steve can already smell something cooking. Hears the sizzle of a something as well, and the radio playing something, the sound just a low rumble in his ears.

"Sounds good. Watcha makin?" Steve calls, shrugging off his jacket and tossing it over the back of the couch, he knows Eddie will grab it later and hang it by the door. He leaves it there anyway, smiling to himself at the thought as turns toward the kitchen.

"Oh just the ol Eddie Munson special. Gourmet grilled cheese. It soothes the- Steve? You okay?" Eddie's voice is quiet now, Steve's sure his eyes are wide too but he can't see them. Not really.

He's staring at the radio. The low murmur of music finally hitting him, stopping him in his tracks, his blood running cold, like icy fingers trailing down his back. That fucking song. He could kill whoever wrote it. Who needs a song about someone dying in their arms?

"Steve?" Eddie asks, again. Steve nods. Takes one step backwards. And then bolts for the bathroom.

He hits his knees hard, slaming down in front of the toilet, losing the small amount of food he'd had for lunch, his stomach heaving. He's shaking when he stands, his knees buckle twice on the short walk from the bathroom across the hall to his room. He shuts the door softly when he hears Eddie's footsteps coming.

"Steve? Are you okay?" His voice is small, and Steve can see him, with his long sleeves pulled down around his hands, worrying the material between his fingers as he shuffles from foot to foot outside Steve's door.

"I'm fine Ed's. Just, keep cooking. I'll be out in a few for the movie okay?" Steve calls, yanking his clothes off and grabbing one of Eddie's old t-shirts that he'd stolen maybe a year ago. Eddie had never asked for it back. And Steve liked the way he blushed when he saw Steve wearing it.

Eddie does, sort of. He goes back to the kitchen, turns everything off, and then walks back to Steve's room. He slides down the wall outside his door and sits on the floor. He can hear Steve moving around in there, just shuffling around his room doing god knows what.

He does this sometimes. Eddie never knows what to do. Or say. Or how to stop it. He tries. But Steve won't talk to him about it. Just ignores that it happens. Or talks to Robin. They share little looks, he sees them, never knows what they mean.

It makes him uncomfortable sometimes, like they're telling jokes behind his back. He knows they're not. That they wouldn't. But there's something. And until now, he's never asked, never pushed. Just sat back and worried and tried to ignore the feeling that he'd done something wrong.

"Steve?" He asks, voice low. He hears Steve stop moving.

"Yeah?" He calls, sounding suspicious, or nervous maybe, or like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't.

"You know I'm not stupid right?" Eddie's chest burns, fire crawling up his throat, his eyes burning.

"I- what?" Steve answers, voice muffled, Eddie can almost see him standing in the middle of his room, staring at the door.

"I'm not stupid. I know something's wrong." He presses his finger to the floor, rubs at a knot in the wood, listens to Steve walk closer to the door.

"I told you I'm fine. Really it's-"

"Don't lie to me." Eddie cuts him off, doesn't yell, doesn't even raise his voice. He thinks he hears Steve gasp on the other side of the door. Can't be sure.

"Please just-" he closes his eyes, clears his throat, wills the tears away. He's so tired of crying about this.

"Just talk to me? I know- there's something you're not telling me." He hangs his head, worries at his shirt sleeves, his hands in his lap.

"It's been three years. And I thought it would stop ya know? Thought maybe I was imagining things. Or just, had to get used to the enigma that is YouAndRobin. But that's not it, is it?" He lets his head fall back and hit the wall.

"It's me. It's something I'm doing. Or like, multiple things? And I've tried to stop. Ya know? Tried to figure it out on my own cuz you guys clearly don't wanna share." He sighs.

"But I just keep fucking up. And then you guys give each other those looks, and lock yourselves away for hours, or fucking days, at a time. And I try so fucking hard not to do those things again." His voice is strained now, he clears his throat again, tucks his knees up under his chin and keeps talking, knows if he doesn't say it now he never will.

"But it's fucking impossible to figure out what I'm doing wrong if you won't talk to me Steve. I just- I feel like I'm hurting you somehow and you just- you just fucking sit there and take it and pretend it not happening when it really fucking clearly is! And it makes me feel insane!" He shoves his lips against his knee, tries to hide the whimper that claws its way out of his throat. He closes his eyes, tries to breathe, opens his mouth to speak again and hears the door open.

He looks up, watches Steve look forward and then down, finding Eddie on the floor, his own eyes shining like Eddie knows his are too.

"It's not you." Steve says, whispers really. And Eddie can't help the eyeroll. Or the huff. Looks away from Steve, drops his chin onto his knees and closes his eyes again, pushes the palms of his hands against his eyes.

"You're lying." He croaks, voice tight.

"I know you are. I just don't know why." And he hates it, that whine in his voice. And then Steve is on his knees, next to Eddie, his hands hovering near him as Eddie glares at him.

"I- I'm not. I promise I'm not. It's not you. It- it's complicated. I don't-" he sighs.

"Just say it! Just try!" Eddie's hands flail, his voice desperate as he looks at Steve. He stares for a moment, eyes wide, and then falls to sitting next to Eddie, his own knee tucked up to his chest, back resting against the door frame.

"I watched you die." Steve says, quiet. Eddie frowns.

"I know. And then you carried me out of hell and saved me. I know that. What are you-"

"No. Not- not that time." Steve shakes his head, grimaces when he looks at Eddie. He shakes his head, he doesn't understand.

"Before that. So many fucking times before that. Over and over. You died. No matter what I did. Or what I changed." Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, shoved a knuckle into the corner of his eye. He let his head fall back as he looked at Eddie, his hands falling palms up on his thighs, helpless.

"You died. Over and over and over. And everytime. Every single fucking time. I ended up covered in your blood." He closes his eyes, opens them again. Says nothing else.

"I-" Eddie starts, stops, takes a deep breathe, moves one hand over his chest, resting his palm against the scar on his side, a nervous habit he has now. His fingers drum against the thick skin there.

"That's- you're talking about a time loop." Eddie says slowly, and Steve, he fucking laughs. There's no humor in it, just a bark, and a wry smile as he shakes his head at Eddie.

"What? You are, right? I mean that's- why are you smiling?" Eddie flails again, hugs his knees tighter. Steve just shakes his head again, bites his lip to hide a smile.

"Robin told me I should tell you. That you'd understand. Or like, get it. And I knew you would I guess, I just- couldn't." Steve sighs again, gives a little helpless shrug.

"Why not?" Eddie rests his chin on his knees, watching Steve. The tension he'd been holding in his shoulders for what seems like years seems to melt away.

"At first I was scared. That if I said something. It would start again. And then it just-" he takes a deep breath, smiles the saddest smile Eddie's ever seen and says,

"It just hurt too much." He shrugs again, a tear falling down his cheek. Eddie stares, watches his fall onto his shirt, watches it bleed into the fabric.

"Why did it hurt? Cuz of me? Cuz I keep reminding you of it somehow? Right? That's what all those little looks between you guys have been?" He wraps his arms around his legs tighter, his lip wobbling again. He knew he'd been fucking up.

Steve looks at him, brow furrowed, and reaches out, his hand warm when it curls around Eddie's bicep.

"I didn't know you noticed that. And I'm sorry. But no. It wasn't that. I mean maybe a little. Just small things. Like, deja vu, sometimes." He shrugged.

"But tonight it was the song. That stupid fucking song." He sighs, shakes his head and laughs again. The sound hollow in his chest.

"The... song." Eddie frowns, trying to think what song had been on when Steve came through the door. And oh, yeah.

"Oh. Kinda... right on the nose that one. Sorry. It was just on the tape I found. It wasn't even my tape. I think it was one of Dustin’s old ones." Steve squeezes his arm, heads him off before be starts really rambling.

"It's okay. You didn't know. You couldn't have. Cuz I didn't tell you. And I should have. I'm sorry." Steve bites his lip again. Eddie nods, sniffles, untangles his arms from around himself and scoots a little closer to Steve, their legs pressed together.

"Will you tell me now? All of it? Please? I need to know what happened. Kinda really wanna know how you saved me." He feels his cheeks burn, his ears too. He can't look at Steve. Not right now. Knows he'll see too much.

"I'll tell you. But not on the floor." He laughs again, a real one this time, and gets to his feet. He offers his hand to Eddie and pulls him to his feet. Their hands stay together, Eddie's cheeks burn with a fresh wave of color and Steve smiles, tugs him into his room, and tells him everything.

~°~

"A whole year?" Eddie's staring at the ceiling, knows he sounds breathless.

"Yep." Steve says, pops the P.

"And you spent it with me?" Eddie asks, sounds unconvinced.

"Yep."

"And we-"

"Yep." Steve huffs, turns onto his side and looks at Eddie.

"Hey. Look at me." Eddie swallows, isn't sure he can. He let's out a shakey breath and does it anyway.

"Hi." Steve says, smiling, his cheek squished against his arm curled under his head.

"Hi." Eddie echoes.

"You and me?" Eddie asks, his brow furrowed, his throat burning again.

"Yeah. I uh... I wasn't expecting it. Or maybe I was. I'm not sure anymore. But I'm glad it happened." Steve shrugs, reaches out, his finger brushing a curl away from Eddie's face.

"Why didn't you tell me? We could've- I mean I would've-" Eddie swallows, not sure what he would've. Steve smiles that sad smile again.

"Because I'm an idiot. I thought I had to like- let you make your own choices. Not- tell you what you did before. And you didn't remember. Because it- it didn't work, that time. I didn't-" he pauses, clears his throat, wipes at his eyes.

"I didn't save you that time. I lost you. And it- fuck it hurt Ed's. It hurt so much." His throat catches on a sob, his palms shoving into his eyes and Eddie can't take it anymore. He surges forward, wraps his arms around Steve and pulls him close.

"I'm right here. I've been here. I'm not going anywhere." Eddie whispers, presses the words into Steve's hair as he clings to him.

"How many times after that one?" Eddie asks, his hand in Steve's hair, soothing.

"Two. I lost you two more times and then it worked. I woke up by your hospital bed instead of at my house. And you were there. Alive. And Robin was alive. And Dustin and Nancy. Everyone. More or less." Steve's voice is muffled, Eddie can feel his shirt getting wet from his tears.

"Steve I-" he takes a shakey breath.

"I don't know what to say." He sighs, keeps soothing his fingers over Steve's scalp. He pulls back, looks at Eddie, his face wet and blotchy.

"You don't have to say anything. I'm just glad you know now." He shakes his head, sniffles, drops his head back onto his pillow, eyes on Eddie.

"This um... this other Eddie. The one you spent a year with." Eddie draws.

"He wasn't 'another Eddie'. He was you. Just, before we really met." Steve snorts, rolls his eyes.

"Right. Right. So this Eddie you spent a year with." Eddie says, Steve fucking giggles and squeezes his eyes shut, nose all scrunched up. He opens his eyes, blinks a few times.

"What about him?" Steve asks, his teeth dragging over his lip as he smiles. Eddie shrugs, best he can laying on his side.

"Was he... I mean was he really like me?" Eddie asks, his voice sounding, doubtful. Steve hums, thinks for a moment.

"He was. And he wasn't." Steve shrugs too.

"That's very descriptive." Eddie says, voice flat. Steve laughs, rolls onto his back and then back to his side to look at Eddie.

"He was... different. Calmer. Less traumatized. At the beginning anyway. But he was still you. Still stubborn. And loyal. And kind." His shoulder twitches again.

"Was he nice to you? This other me?" Eddie asks, chewing on his lip, eyes locked on Steve's face. His cheeks flush and Eddie feels heat crawl over his skin.

"He was yeah. After awhile. He was... very nice." Steve's voice is soft, low, that little smile tugging at his mouth.

"Did he love you?" Eddie doesn't mean to say it. Not really. But he can't stop it. He has to know. Steve said they'd been together. But it was just a year. But a lot can happen in a year, Eddie knows all too well.

Steve eyes go soft at the question, a fondness in them that Eddie knows well, his stomach flutters at the realization.

"He said he did." Steve nods, scoots a little closer.

"And did-" Eddie swallows roughly, blinks a few times,

"Did you love him?" He asks, voice barely above a whisper. Steve nods, slow, his hair splaying against his pillow, his hand lifting to his mouth, teeth worrying at his thumb nail.

Eddie feels a breif spike of jealousy peak its head up and then feels ridiculous. And then he feels something else, something that blooms in his chest and wraps itself around his ribs warmly. Something he thinks might be hope.

"Do you-" he bites into his lip, hard. His hands shaking on the matress between he and Steve. Steve's hand moves away from his mouth, his knuckles brushing Eddie's before lacing their fingers together.

"Say it." Steve whispers, his eyes shining. He smiles at Eddie and Eddie can't not smile back. Can't not ask.

"Do you love me?" He hears his voice, hears how he clearly doesn't believe that. But Steve nods, a giddy smile on his face.

"You do? Why?" Eddie blurts, and Steve laughs, curls closer to Eddie, his hand cupping Eddie's cheek, thumb moving over his skin softly.

"I'm not sure I ever had a choice." Steve breathe between them.

"I think it was just always meant to be you." Steve moves his thumb over Eddie's lips, then up over his cheek again, wiping at the tear that runs over Eddie's skin.

"But he's not- I mean I'm not- we're not the same person. I don't remember it. I don't remember getting to have you. I did get to have you right?" Eddie asks, his chest shuddering as he tries to keep his breathing steady. Steve nods, crowds impossibly closer, his knee slotting between Eddie's own.

"You had me. You had me then and you have me now. And you are the same person. That's why me and Robin always give each other those looks. Because I told her everything. Anything I could remember. And you do things. Things that you did then. When you were mine." Steve smiles. Eddie laughs out a sob.

"When I was yours." He says, mocking, his voice wet and wobbly.

"Yeah. You were mine. Do you wanna be mine?" Steve's fingertips move over his face, like he's trying to memorize him.

"Pretty sure I've been yours since I woke up to you reading The Hobbit by my bed in the hospital." Eddie smiles, more tears falling.

"Dustin told me it would help." Steve shrugged again his thumb back on Eddie's lips. He nodded, closing his eyes to warmth of Steve's skin on his. 

"I wanna be yours." Eddie breathed, gasped when he felt Steve's thumb press into his lip.

"Yeah?" Steve was so close now, Eddie opened his eyes and he was right there, his nose almost touching Eddie.

"Please." Eddie wasn't sure what he was begging for, but he trusted Steve to give it to him.

"Yeah. Anything you want." Steve sighed, closing the space between them.

His lips hit Eddie's and his whole world tilts. Steve holds his head and kisses him sweetly and everything slams into him at once. Thoughts. Feelings. Memories. Memories that aren't his. Things he's never done. Not with Steve. Not with anyone.

But they crash into him, wash over him like a wave and blend into him like they're his. Things he said to Steve, the way he touched him, the way he loved him, during that year that never was. All of it filling him and becoming his. His and Steve's. Just another piece of their story, another peice of their love.

Eddie gasps, pulls back and finds Steve's eyes on him, wide, his brow furrowed.

"Did you?" Steve asks, his head tilting.

"I remember. Or... I saw it. I felt it. Or like, an echo of it. I love you." He laughs then, breathy and sweet, and Steve laughs back, nearly tackles him back onto the bed, arms curled around Eddie, face buried in his neck.

"I love you too." He sounds giddy. The way Eddie feels. He buries his hands in Steve's hair and pulls him up, so he can look at him. Steve comes willingly, looking down at Eddie with adoration.

"Our lives are so fuckin weird. You know that right?" Eddie asks, his nose scrunching. Steve snorts, bites his lip, and smiles.

"Oh yeah. But would you want it any other way?" Steve asks, his nose scrunching too.

"I'll take it whatever way lets me have you." Eddie says, his finger moving down the line of Steve's nose. He bites at Eddie's finger when he drops his hand on his chest.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to ask. And that you were stuck for so long. Back then." Eddie nods to the side, like that time in '86 is right beside them.

"I'm not. I learned a lot about loving you back then." Steve smiles down at him, pushes his bangs back off his head, Eddie leans into the touch.

"Oh yeah? Well I look forward to reaping the benefits." Eddie says, tongue poking into his cheek.

"Yeah? Well I look forward to taking your virginity. Again." Steve smirks down at him. Eddie squaks, tries to shove Steve off him and gets pinned to the bed instead.

"How dare you! I'm not even- that's- I mean... absolute hearsay!" Eddie stammers. Steve laces their fingers together and straddles him, leaning down over him, that smug look on his face.

"You trying to say you're not?" Steve asks, his tongue moving over his teeth.

"I- it's just- I mean that's not fair." Eddie squeaks, looking up at Steve with wide eyes.

"Seems fair to me. Like a really nice reward." Steve boasts, leaning closer and closer.

"It feels like cheating. Like not that kind of cheating. Just... I've never- done stuff. And you're just... you have. With me. That's not-"

"Hey. I'll take good care of you." Steve breathes, presses his lips to Eddie's genlty and pulls back, settles himself on Eddie's thighs.

"I know. I have the memory. But it's like... I dunno, like it's foggy. Like a dream. I can see it, in my head, but I can't feel it." Eddie sighs, looks away.

"Forget about it." Steve says.

"Oh okay. I'll just forget about the images I now have burned into my brain of you, naked, on top of me." Eddie scoffs, tries to take his hands from Steve's and fails, Steve squeezes his hands tighter.

"Why are you so strong?" Eddie kicks his feet, feigning attempts to break free. Steve laughs, lowers himself back into Eddie's face.

"You can hold tight to that new old memory. Or we can make some memories of our own. Pick one." Steve brushes his nose against Eddie's and smiles when Eddie bucks up into him.

"New memories. Absolutely. We should do that. Let's make new ones. We should do that right now." Eddie nods frantically, lifting up and trying to kiss Steve, both of them ending up sitting, Steve in Eddie's lap, finally letting his hands go to snake his arms around Eddie's neck.

"New memories. Got it." Steve kisses him, sweetly, pulls back, just a fraction of an inch.

"You've got shit memory anyway baby. I'll get rid of those in no time." He breathes the words into Eddie mouth like a promise. Eddie moans and grabs at his back, pulling him closer.

"Holy shit. Okay." He huffs, shivering as Steve presses him down onto the bed again, laughing against his lips.

"I'm gonna take this slow. Be real sweet to you." He peppers kisses across Eddie face.

"You're gonna fuckin torture me you mean?" Eddie whines, his hips jumping and stuttering everytime Steve rolls his down against him.

"Trust me. You'll love it." Steve whispers, his lips ghosting over Eddie's, teasing.

"I love you." Eddie says, both of them freezing. Steve just stays there, looking down at him, his eyes shimmering again. Eddie reaches up, wipes the tears away.

"I love you too." Steve breathes, his body dropping onto Eddie completely, tension leaving as he kisses Eddie, slow and deep, both of them moaning into each other's mouths.

Steve's true to his word. He takes Eddie apart slowly. And then puts him right back together. Three years of longing, and lost time, and impossible memories passing between them. A slow ebb and flow, like the tide, like the ocean and the moon, moving through them both, pulling them together after so long apart.

Steve falls asleep on his chest after, small sounds falling past his lips as he nuzzles into Eddie's skin. Eddie holds him there, one hand in Steve's hair, one moving slowly up and down his back.

He holds Steve close, watches him sleep, and thanks whoevers listening that he gets to have this. Have him. And thanks them again for bringing him through it all, all the monsters, and the time loops, and everything else. Just for him to end up in Eddie's arms.

Eddie's certain it's where he was meant to be all along.

[abiatackerman]

After Fighting

Just imagine you and Levi giving silent treatment to each other after you two argued. It's not like you two actually argued... I mean Levi never argues... But he's too damn good with his words and he said something rude and insulting to you... Which made you sad, angry and leave the place.

Also not to mention skipping meals. This is the thing Levi hated. You would always blackmail him by this. Every time you're upset you would throw your anger on your meals and make your stomach suffer. He noticed you didn't take your dinner last night, and also spent the whole morning sleeping. So technically you skipped your breakfast too. And when you refused Petra's invitation for lunch..... His worries won against his pride and ego.

Because no matter how much he hated it.... He knew how damn stubborn you are and he's not letting you torture on yourself for some shitty words he said to you.

"You haven't eaten last night and also you skipped your breakfast. Even you woke up at 1 fucking pm today and refusing to take lunch."

Levi speaks in his cold voice as he throws you over his shoulder like you weigh nothing and smacks your ass hard, making you yelp as he walks towards the main hall.

"I can walk, also what's with the smack?"

You ask angrily as you smack his back in response which felt nothing more than a little hard press on his strong back.

"That's for making me worry, idiot."

He grumbles, carrying you as he finally arrives at the hall, setting you down on a chair as he sets a tray down onto the table, a small frown forming on his face.

"You didn't have to carry me!"

You groan in annoyance.

"Hush or I'll smack your ass again."

Levi snaps back, pushing the tray of food towards you as he sits.

"And I'll smack you back. Also I won't eat. I'm mad at you and I need space so don't bother me."

You say, crossing your arms and turn your face away from Levi. Which felt so damn adorable and cute to him.

"Oi, you brat!"

Levi snaps as he grabs the back of your head, pulling you towards himself before slamming his lips against yours for a kiss, wrapping his arms around you as he pulls you to sit on his lap.

Levi keeps kissing, making the kiss deeper as he gently bites your lip, trying to make you feel bad for worrying him. Pulling back, he rests his forehead against yours for a moment before gently pressing a kiss on your forehead.

"I'm sorry for the shitty words… but I don't want anything bad to happen to you, idiot."

His words make you finally feel like you've won the battle. And that's when you feel the hunger in your stomach.

"Well, you should've apologised earlier.... I didn't eat for fucking 24 hours... I'm hungry as hell!"

"Then eat, stupid."

He rolls his eyes softly, gently shoving the tray in front of you as he lets you get off his lap. You sit beside him and start eating immediately.

"Well, I'm sorry for acting like a brat too."

You speak with your mouth stuffed with food. It results a gentle flicking to your head from Levi.

"If you keep talking with your mouth full, food will fall out, idiot. Don't speak until you swallow."

You roll your eyes.

"First of all, none of them fell. And secondly, no... Your insults are definitely not hot."

Well it is, at least to you.... But you'll never admit it.....

Masterlist

[skullvgirl]

GENDER : girlboss | barou

incl. the bad boy, barou

warnings. fem reader, fluff, crack, school!au, established relationship

an's. this one is for @chxxrybxxmb ≽ܫ≼, this was fun to write, tysm for the idea.

it was hard to talk to barou, he knew it was—he said it himself.

he wasn't friendly or cheerful like the rest if the team, he didnt have the social energy or demeanor they possessed.

people were scared of him to say the least ( not that he minded so much ) so scared in fact the only ones who would ever even talk to him besides the team was his teachers.

and you of course.

it was late afternoon and barou was just finishing up practice. you were here today ( on rare occasion ) to pick him up for dinner.

it didn't take you long to find the massive soccer field along with the massive team your boyfriend was on, he was loud as ever as he made the last goal, sealing the victory for the varsity team that seemed to playing the JV team.

"poor them, didn't even stand a chance" you shook your head. the score board read 5-0

you felt more comfortable making your way over to barou now as everybody was picking up equipment and packing up. it was a good time to snag his attention and let him know you'd be waiting in the car when he was ready.

"hey watch where you're fucking going dipshit"

it came from a JV player, whos name you didn't know, he purposely had bumped into your boyfriend as he was carrying equipment back, making sure it was hard enough to leave a bruise.

oh no

"excuse me?"

oh no this isnt good

barou didn't waste another second, immediately strutting towards the younger boy and yanking his shoulder back so now they were face to face.

"do we have a fucking problem?" barou stated agrily, cracking his knuckles together in preparation for what he was about to do.

the boy was shaking but didn't seem to want to back down, the whole fields eyes were on him now.

" i-I don't know, do we?" his voice came out cracked and shaky but he pressed on further, pumping his chest out in hopes of seeming intimidating.

it wasn't working.

no, no, no! shouei you stupid stupid man ! you could get kicked off the team for this !

you didn't waste any time, sprinting over and making your presence known to both your boyfriend and the bitter teamate.

"hit him and i will rip your balls off", barou acted shocked to see you here. he knew you were coming he just didn't think so soon.

barou's shoulders immediately untensed and he glanced over at the other players who watched in awe at how easily you were able to calm him down.

"thats what i thought, now get your stuff and get im the car, before someone really gets hurt" you said, not bothering to pay attention to the shocked faces of the team.

barou didn't say another word, but took one last glance at the other player at another last glance at you.

to the player he mouthed 'you are so lucky she's the boss of me, or you would be dead !'

and to you he said quitely "sorry love, won't happen again"

you only rolled your eyes and tracked his moving figure as he went back to the building, the other players however didn't move a muscle.

what the fuck just happened? they all thought.

you made your way to leave.

" wait a minute..."

you turned back, tilting your head to signal you were listening.

" you two are dating ??!"

from then on out it was public news that the two id you were together , although you'd been in a relationship for months now it seems more people were aware now that the egoistic and selfish soccer player had a super cool sweet girl girlfriend who he treated like everyday was her last.

like in the cafeteria

he sits alone with you and eventually people realized he makes your lunch—everyday, because you're always asking what he is making for you tomorrow.

can you believe that? barou, king barou making breakfast everyday without fail.

unimaginable

or the library

people dont spy nessacarliy but this one time, you got caught brushing his very long and lushess hair while he practicallypurred like a kitten on your lap. he regrets it with his whole heart. he ended up on the BLLK HIGH Almost Friday Page.

and on the soccer field of course

the score it 1-1, no overtime and sudden death. barou has the ball, and although he practically 10 feet out of his shooting range, he decides to take a chance.

he shoots

he scores

the crowd goes wild.

it's not long after he's crowded by the many other players that he makes his way to you, picking you up and twirling you around in his arms, kissing your face softly while everyone was there.

pda wasn't really his thing, but he didn't really care. your support was more than deserving of his affection and he wasn't shy if the whole world could see.

[ashwhowrites]

(Waiting patiently on the edge of my seat for the groupie pt 3♥️) Can I request a smutty/angst Eddie x reader where Eddie and reader have been seeing each other behind reader’s boyfriend’s back. Eddie finds out her boyfriend mistreats her and wants her to leave him but she’s scared of what might happen. Angst prompts 10 & 34 pleeeeaaaase

Definitely. I love pain :)

Groupie part 3 will be a bit longer so keep waiting!!

⚠️it's gonna hurt, abuse is mentioned

Smut 18+

“Tell me you don’t want to leave. Say I’m enough to make you stay. I know it’s not true, but please just say it.”

“You could’ve left! You could’ve run away with me!”

She never should have allowed herself to fall in love with Eddie. She knew it could only end badly for everyone involved. But it mostly ends badly for her.

When she first met Eddie it was actually through her boyfriend. Apparently they worked together at the mechanic shop. She was bringing lunch to her boyfriend when she met a new face.

"Eddie Munson." He smiled sticking his hand out for her to shake.

She was caught off by the fire that burned when their palms met.

"Y/F/N" with a smile of her own.

~~

When she went home that day that smile of his wouldn't leave her head. She thought of his eyes and hair.

She brought her boyfriend lunch every day, slight excitement building in her when she would leave the house. Excited to see Eddie again.

~~

One day her boyfriend was sick, but Y/N still made lunch and brought it to the shop, this time for the boy who's been stuck in her mind.

"Y/N? Vince isn't here today." Eddie said as he sat at the front desk.

"I know but you are." She smiled as she handed the bag over to him, watching a smile light up his face.

"you brought me lunch?" He asked, a slight blush covering his cheeks.

"of course. I figured it's unfair to always bring it in for Vince and never for you." She smiled brightly.

"well thank you very much."

~~

After that she slowly found herself wanting to be closer to him. Secretly liking when Vince couldn't make it to work, allowing her and Eddie to talk alone.

She was learning more about him over every lunch. It might have been stupid, but she gave him her number. Letting him know she won't take it personally if he doesn't text.

But he did

And they haven't stopped texting since.

~~

And that's when she felt herself catching feelings for him. She knew she wasn't supposed to like him but she did.

~~

He knew it was dumb, and that he should have never asked but he still did it.

"want to maybe grab some dinner? My treat for all the lunches you bring me ;) "

Maybe he should have deleted the wink before he sent it. He shouldn't be asking out a coworkers girlfriend to dinner.

"as in a date? ;)"

The reply caught him off guard. It definitely shouldn't have been a date, but the wink had him rethinking that.

"if you want it to be"

~~

They met at a bar, sharing appetizers and pitchers of beer.

Getting more drunk as the night went on.

"you are so incredibly gorgeous, do you know that?" He whispered as his hand landed on her knee.

Against her better judgement she leaned into his touch. Resting her own hand on top of his.

"thank you Eddie." She whispered just as quietly, blushing underneath his stare.

Maybe it was the alcohol, or the look in his eyes but she found herself leaning towards him further. Lips seconds away from tasting his. She was just one small movement away, eyes closed preparing to feel his lips, but then she didn't. She snapped her open to see Eddie pulling away

"shit no. We can't." He said

Embarrassment filled her, rejection sobering her up quick

"oh God. I'm so sorry. That was so stupid" She squeaked out as she gathered all her things

"wait no, just wait." Eddie tried but she was running out the door.

He tried to catch her, hot on her heels but she got into a cab and was gone.

"fuck" he sighed as he kicked the nearest wall.

~~

She never texted him back, too embarrassed. She went home and sobered up with shame in her bones. She tried to kiss her boyfriend's coworker. She made it a date. When in the hell was wrong with her?

~~

He sent countless texts to her phone

"can we talk?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you run off"

"look please talk to me"

"I wanted to kiss you too"

She looked at the last text multiple times. But it was wrong. It was wrong for how it made her heart race and face flushed.

She quickly deleted the text.

Refusing to see Vince for the last few days. Guilt eating her alive.

~~

She hasn't returned to the shop with lunch in a week. Still embarrassed to show her face to Eddie.

But when Vince called asking for his medicine, she knew she had to bring it. She stopped at his house and grabbed the bottle.

Nervously she drove the whole way to the shop. Praying to any God that was listening for Eddie to not be there.

She tapped the smell bell at the front and waited on her heels. Relief filling her bones when Vince popped out.

"hey baby." He said and kissed her cheek. She tried not to flinch at his rough grip on her waist.

~~

Apparently she wasn't successful because Eddie noticed it when he walked past the front. Eyes watching her closely as she tried to lean away from Vince's touch, hurriedly running out the door.

~~

Y/N was successful in avoiding Eddie. It's been two weeks since he rejected her at the bar. And two weeks since she deleted his texts.

She slowly got back into the routine of things with Vince, trying not to be so suspicious of her behavior.

But apparently her luck had a time limit.

Because as she sat at the table in the restaurant, wearing her sexiest dress, she did expect Eddie Munson in a tux to sit across from her.

~~

Eddie wanted to bang his head into a wall. Hearing Vince bragged about the reservation he got at the fanciest restaurant in town. Eddie felt jealous knowing he was taking Y/N there on a date.

A date he shouldn't even be jealous of, because he was not supposed to like her.

Then Eddie felt anger filling his veins as he watched Vince flirt with a girl at the front desk. The clock was ticking, he was meant to be at that restaurant 30 minutes ago.

"Vince I'll take it from here. Go leave for your date." Eddie tried to help but Vince scoffed and waved him off.

Lying about not knowing anything about a date as he winked towards the girl.

Eddie couldn't believe his eyes.

Eddie had two choices: beat Vince's ass or go to the restaurant.

Eddie picked her

~~

"is this seat taken?" He smiled as she looked up. Shock taking over her features.

She smiled and welcomed him to sit.

Eddie tried not to stare at how amazing she looked in her black tight dress. Licking his lips as he scanned her head to toe as he sat.

She noticed him staring and blushing. Slightly pushing her arms under her boobs to push them up a tad bit further. His eyes catching the action.

"he's standing me up right?" She sighed. Eddie hated the way her eyes went down to her drink, playing with the straw wrapper.

"caught up at work." He slightly lied but she wasn't dumb.

"Let me guess, a blonde with huge tits showed up?" She laughed, even though nothing about it was funny.

Eddie's silence was all she needed to know she was right.

It hurt Eddie to know she knew exactly what Vince was doing before she was even told.

"does he do this a lot?" He asked quietly, hand reaching for hers. Her eyes snapped to his hand that was burning her skin.

"I don't feel like lying tonight, Eddie." She sighed, starting to stand up.

"now where are you going?" Eddie asked as he gripped her hand harder. She looked at him confused.

"home?"

"no uh babe. I took this tux out of the back of my closet, it's getting a good use tonight so sit your lovely ass down and let's eat."

Another moment she should have said no and walked away.

But she sat down, a smile on her face.

~~

"This is me." She sighed out as Eddie walked her up to the front door of her house.

"um Eddie I just wanted to say I'm sorry for trying to kiss you that other night. And thank you for making me not feel like a total loser tonight." She laughed, looking at her high heels.

Eddie shoved his hands in his pockets.

"one- don't apologize for the kiss. I was sending signals for it. And you deserve someone who shows up for you. Especially in a dress like that." He whistled as she blushed to the floor.

"this is probably stupid, but do you want to come in?" She asked

"this is probably even more stupid, but yes I would."

~~

Now they sat close on her couch. His arm was thrown over the back of her couch, legs spread wide.

She sat tucked into his side with a glass of wine in her hand. Trying to avert her eyes away from his thick thighs

She wanted it and he wanted it.

Vince didn't appreciate her but Eddie knew he could.

So he thought fuck it.

"If you tried to kiss me again, I wouldn't move away this time." He whispered as he turned his head, staring right into her eyes.

He could see the desire and lust swimming around. Just seconds of overflowing.

She wanted it and he wanted it.

Vince didn't appreciate her but she knew Eddie could.

So she thought fuck it.

She slammed her wine on the table and climbed on his spread legs. Straddling his lap as she smashed her lips onto his.

He moaned at her taste and placed his large hands on her back. Smashing her into him further. He pinched her ass and used the surprise to slip his tongue into her mouth.

His tongue was so warm and wet. Massaging against hers in ways she's never felt. Her brain was telling her it was all wrong. But her body was already grinding on him. Her body was moaning as she felt him grow hard underneath her.

Eddie pulled away breathless, smiling at her smudged red lipstick.

"you're so fucking hot." He moaned as his lips attached themselves to her neck

"Eddie." She moaned as she pulled away.

She stared at him for a few seconds. Debating if she was really going to do this. She was going to destroy a relationship, become a cheater.

But looking at his lips smeared with her lipstick, his eyes were huge and dark. Hair messed up from her fingers. The way he looked already fucked out had her thighs clenching

Fuck it- she's a cheater

"fuck me Eddie" she whined, standing up and unzipping her dress.

Eddie sucked on his bottom lip as she stripped in front of him. Her hands teased her skin as she trailed her fingertips around her breasts.

He palmed himself over his dress pants. Groaning at the small relief he felt as he watched her slowly unclip her bra. Next removing her underwear.

She stood naked in front of him

Eddie scooted to the edge of the couch, face to face with her lower stomach. He kissed her naked skin.

Lifting a leg over his shoulder, now face to face with her wet cunt.

"so gorgeous baby." He moaned as he slowly rubbed her outer lips, teasing her.

She whined as she dug her hands into his curls. She felt so vulnerable being naked in front of him while he was still dressed in a suit. It made her drip.

Eddie kissed the skin on her thighs that laid next to his head.

"eds please." She begged, rocking her hips closer to his face.

He nodded and licked a stripe from her hole all the way to her clit. She shuddered at the action, scrunching his hair tightly. He barely touched her and she felt like she needed to come undone.

He kitten licked her clit, small circles with his tongue before shoving his tongue into her hole.

"oh yes." She whined, feeling his tongue inside of her. She was trying to hold on to Eddie tight to not fall over.

Eddie replaced his tongue with his fingers. Shoving two deep into her cunt, scissoring in and out. All while keeping his mouth on her clit.

The louder she moaned the harder he went with his fingers. He was fingering her as fast as he could.

His own hips rocked into the air as he felt how wet she was. His fingers covered in her. The sounds of her wet pussy taking in his fingers had him leaking in his boxers.

When he snuck in a third finger she was seconds away from screaming. Her knee buckling as she tried to stay up. Eddie placed his free hand on her hip, trying to stabilize her.

He removed his mouth from her cunt

"you look so gorgeous like this baby." He meant it too. He's never felt his cock this hard in his life. Watching her body thrash in place, stomach huffing up and down. Her tits moving slightly when she'd rock her hips into his fingers.

"please eat me out Eddie. Eat my pussy."

He growled at her words. Diving back into her cunt. Sucking and licking everywhere. Making it as wet and loud as he could.

His fingers curving up to hit her spongy spot that had her thighs shaking.

"IM GONNA CUM!" she screamed. Eddie used his nose to nod on her clit. Returning to eating her out like he was starved. Refusing to come up for air until she finished.

She came with a silent scream, hips rocking into his face as she yanked his head closer. His head burned but he didn't care. Eyes looking up at her as she orgasmed. He moaned pathetically at how beautiful she looked, hips humping the air.

He cleaned her up, using his tongue to shove some of her cum back in her.

"Jesus fuck." She gasped out. Planting both feet on the ground but placing her hands on Eddie's shoulders to steady herself.

She smiled down at him. His hair was even more fucked up and his mouth was soaked in her.

"that was the hottest thing I've ever seen." Eddie laughed as he slapped her ass. Her moan cut off her laugh.

"I need to fuck you baby." He said as he worked to undo his belt but her hand stopped him.

"fuck me in my bed please?" She asked as she held out her hand.

Eddie smiled and threw her over his shoulder, she screamed in surprise.

"lead me the way." He declared as he raced through the house.

~~

After that she couldn't ignore his texts.

Especially the texts that had her sneaking a hand in her panties.

Or the texts that made her giggle.

Or the texts that made her heart beam with love.

~~

Eddie couldn't get her out of his head. They've been sneaking around for two months now and he couldn't get enough.

But he wanted more. He wanted Y/N to himself.

"Eddie, boys are going to the bar want to come?" Vince asked as he cleaned off his hands.

"no. I've got plans." Eddie answered as he threw on his jacket heading to his car

"a hot date?" Vince teased

"something like that"

~~

Eddie parked down the block from her house before running to the door. Knocking impatiently. The second she opened the door he was on her. Kicking the door closed behind him as he smashed his lips on her.

"I've been thinking about you all day." She moaned as her hands ripped off his grease stained shirt

"like what baby?" He gasped out as her fingers teased the top of his boxers.

"how bad I want that cock in my throat." She got on her knees and tugged down his pants and boxers.

Biting her lip at the sight of his hard and red cock.

She wasted no time and sucked him slowly. Taking him in a bit at a time.

"take all of it. I know you can." He grunted through his teeth, trying his best not to force her down his cock.

She ended up gagging and choking on it anyways

~~

Once they hit the third month, Eddie wanted her only or to be out.

His heart couldn't take it when he'd see them together.

He hated when she'd talk on the phone while Eddie sat next to her.

He knew he was signing up for this but it was starting to hurt too much.

~~

So he stopped it.

"I can't do this anymore. I need you to leave him. Be with me. I know you are happier with me." He pleaded

"Eddie I can't. You don't understand what he would do if he found out." She tried to explain

"no you always say that and I just shut up but I can't anymore. I love you and I know you love me too. So be with me. We will figure it out together."

"Eddie stop! If he found out he'd try to kill you, actually kill you. I can't let him hurt you." She tried to reason with him. Keeping Eddie safe was the only thing she could do.

"But we can run away! He will never find us."

"yes he will Eddie. He has found me before! He beat me badly last time. We can't do this."

"can't or you just won't?" He snapped

"Eddie it's not like that. If I could you know I would" she cried. Tears now flew down her face faster than she could catch them. She reached for his hand but he yanked it away from her.

"then we are over." He said as he stood up, walking to her door.

"EDDIE NO DON'T DO THIS." she screamed running after him. Standing in front of her door.

"Y/N move , You could’ve left! You could’ve run away with me! You are doing this to yourself." He demanded. Holding in his own tears.

“Tell me you don’t want to leave. Say I’m enough to make you stay. I know it’s not true, but please just say it.” she begged, dropping to her knees

"I don't feel like lying tonight, Y/N."

She felt like she was choking on her own tears. No air was making it to her lungs. She silently watched as he opened the door and walked out. Never once looking behind him.

~~

Eddie hasn't seen her in three weeks.

Three horrible weeks and he barely felt like he was holding on. She called every day many times but he never picked up. Last night she called for the last time.

When he finally returned to work he noticed Vince was more pissed off than usual.

But Eddie ignored him.

He noticed that Y/N left a message with her latest call, something she hadn't done. He headed outside and listened to it closely.

Hey Eddie,

I finally did it! I left him. I tried to call you to tell you but you obviously don't want to talk to me. Which is fine, I totally get it. I haven't left too far yet, a part of me is still holding on to you, on to the thought of us. I keep calling because I want to ask you to come with me, super hypocritical of me I know. Asking you to leave with me when I couldn't even do it. I'm leaving for California today. I'm not sure why I'm still calling. I think you not answering my past ten calls should be a sign. I'm sorry Eddie. I really am. I was so scared of what he could do to me or to you. I tried to leave him before, the night we first kissed I told him. He beat me for hours and threatened to kill you if I ever left. I promise I just wanted to keep you safe. If I could have left with you the first time I saw you, I would have. But thank you. You reminded me what it was like to fall in love. To feel loved and desired. That's something he could never take anyway from me. I love you Eddie Munson, goodbye."

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @slightlyvicked

[kaylinlmao]

Fight PT 5 *Edited*

This was HIGHLY requested. Hope y'all like it! :) Collaboration with @heaartzforcupid

I bolted and got to my car before the boys caught up. I drove home quickly, locking all the doors and windows. I was freaking the fuck out. I had to tell someone! But I promised that I wouldn't. What if they kill me next? And I'm no liar. I decided that I wouldn't tell anyone about what happened. I just didn't understand why they killed him. When I went to the hospital, the injuries weren't even that bad!

My mom and sister got home and I ate dinner with them. I think my sister realized that something was up because she kept looking at me weird. That night when I went to sleep, I could've sworn I heard my mom and sister talking about me.

The next morning, I begged and pleaded with my mom to let me stay home because I felt sick. She just wouldn't have it. "No. That's my final answer. If you still feel yucky tomorrow, then you don't have to go but today you have a quiz in English. Go get ready hun." I groaned loudly. "Fine!" I walked off, got ready for school, grabbed some breakfast, and drove to school, dreading seeing the boys. They were gonna be so mad that I bolted.

My first class I had with all the boys but only Robin showed up. He sat next to me right before the bell rang. He slipped me a note after the teacher started talking. The note said, "get your fucking ass to the bathroom after I go. Understood?" I was shaking. I'm just not gonna go. "No" I wrote back. "Y/N. I'm not fucking kidding. We'll be even madder if you don't come" I looked at him and nodded. What can I say? I don't want to die!

He raised his hand and asked if he could go to the bathroom. 5 minutes later, I did the same. I went to the 2nd floor bathroom where he said to meet him at. All the boys were in there when I got there. They all stood menacing around the room. "So Princesa, why'd you run?" Robin said. "I don't know." I said looking down at the ground. "You don't know? That's the fucking answer you're going with?" "What am I supposed to say? I ran because you guys are fucking murderers!" I yelled. All of a sudden Billy went into the biggest stall and Vance shoved me in there.

"Sit down, peach." He said. "Why should I?" "Fine, don't sit. We all love you very much but you're getting on our nerves." "YOUR NERVES? YOUR FUCKING NERVES?" He kissed me on the mouth and walked out while Bruce walked in. "Sweetheart, please don't tell anyone what you saw. Then we'll all have to leave you alone again." Bruce said, kissed me and walked out. Bruh. I'm bouta have a damn panic attack. I just got kissed by two goddamn boys in 2 minutes.

Then Finney came in. "Hey baby. Come here." He said, sitting on the floor and pulling me to sit between his legs. "I love you more than anything in the entire galaxy baby. I don't want to leave you." Kissed me, then left. What the hell. I'm starting to feel like a damn slut man. Robin came in, pulled me down to straddle his lap. "I love you so much, Hermosa. You won't tell anyone what you saw yesterday right. And you won't pull that stunt again. Understand?" I was still in a daze so I mumbled "Yes." "Good girl, Princesa." He said, kissing me then leaving. Last who came in was Vance. "Did you listen to them Dollface? We love you so much. We did it for you! And when you run away from us or call us murderers then it makes us so sad. Ok, doll? Lets make everyone happy." Kissed me then left.

They all went to class while I sat on the bathroom floor in pure shock. They all loved me? They did it for me? Snap out of it Y/N. They're manipulating you. Just play along for now until you get a chance alone. But that wasn't gonna happen. Finney and I were in the first class together. Then as I was going to math, Finney passed me off to Griffin, who had the class with me. At lunch, they didn't let me leave their sight. I wanted to eat with Donna that day so they were pissing me off by not letting me. Next class I had was English with all of them. Last class was Spanish, which I had with Billy.

The next day went the same. I never realized it but every class I have has at least one of them in it. First class the next day was chemistry with Vance. Not that he was paying any attention. Then I had history with Robin. Then I had art with Finney and fucking psychology with Bruce! I never got a second alone unless I was at home. It was infuriating! I was so overwhelmed! And on top of that, everyone was calling me a slut and a murderer!

"Wasn't she just with Vance? Why is she with Robin now?" "What a slut whore." Bethany and her friends spoke to each other loudly. My face turned red as I stared at my desk. "Did you hear that she was the last one to see Moose?" "She must've murdered or kidnapped him!" "Y/N Y/L/N please come to the office for questioning. Y/N Y/L/N please come to the office for questioning." Huh?

Ooh. Another cliffhanger. A longer one because I fell asleep so I posted late. Let me know in the comments if you want PT 6! Love y'all! :) -Kaylin

[shallyne]

The Diary of Feyre Archeron Ch 10

Chapter ten! Last chapter before the epilogue. Enjoy!! Full fic on AO3

Words: 1.1k

June 29th

Rhys came with me to the Rainbow today. It has been nerve-wracking if I put it lightly. It took me about an hour before I even could step a foot into the artist's quarter but Rhys was there, reassuring me and giving me the time I needed. I actually wanted to do this after work but Rhys took the day off for us both and we walked to the Rainbow. In my quest to ignore it the past years I never realized how close the quarter was to the lounge.

After I managed to actually walk into the Rainbow (I gripped Rhys's hand the whole time like my life depended on it) I got that sudden feeling of nostalgia. Seeing people carrying canvases and paints, even the street musicians who were in their element. It was such a weird mix of emotions, on one side I wanted to bolt in the other I felt at home there, like I belonged. I teared up just standing there, probably looking like an idiot, but Rhys wiped my tears away with the hand I wasn't squeezing.

We even ate lunch there, right beside a gallery. I haven't gone into the gallery but Rhys and I agreed that this would be the next step, for the next time.

I'm actually excited! It's so strange, tho. Having all these different emotions.

July 12th

Tonight I had the first nightmare that I was alone to deal with. Rhys had to work longer and Elain and Nesta were on a double date with Azriel and Cassian. They invited me, too, but I was so exhausted after therapy that I just fell into bed right after dinner. I assume that's also why I had nightmares again, a lot has come up. I wish someone had been there but I managed, somehow. I didn't throw up and I, fortunately, didn't have a panic attack either. That's good, it's something to celebrate. I really don't know if I should tell Rhys, though, because I know he's going to feel bad for not being there and I don't want him to feel bad. I have to do this alone, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I don't know, I'll think about it. He's not in his office later when I work, so there is enough time to debate this until I meet him in the afternoon.

Also, I've bought a new dress. It's not like the others I took from home, this one is much more revealing. Mom would hate it, so I know it's great. Rhys will love it.

July 13th

I couldn't even say hello before he asked me if I had nightmares again? Is it that obvious??

But, okay, but that's not what I'm going to write about today. Something happened. Something GREAT!!! Rhys and I had sex last night. For the first time. And the second. And the third. Okay, a lot of times and it was amazing. It was the best sex I ever had. Not that I'm surprised but also I'm a little surprised because I didn't expect that. It was like something you'd read in Nesta's smutty books. I can't stop thinking about it. About Rhys and the last night and well, that's bad because we will have a barbecue tonight with the whole family (Nesta, Elain, Mor, Cassian, Azriel, Rhys's mother and sister, Rhys and me) and apparently you can read all my emotions on my face. Fuck, I have to work on that. I will! I'll try while getting ready. I'm still at Rhys's place but he already had a dress ready for me so I won't have to stress about that. (not in a controlling way like, his mother made that dress. She's a seamstress and I feel really honored to wear her dress but nobody would blink an eye either if I would turn up in pajamas)

I feel like I'm walking on clouds! It's surreal. If someone told my 16 year old self that I am where I am now she would laugh. She wouldn't believe it at all. I barely can.

December 15th

A decision was made!

I'm quitting my job at Rhys's lounge and going to art school. I started painting again around august and I just can't stop. There is so much that I have to tell, to get out. Rhys and I spent a whole night talking about the future weeks ago and the decision was a hard one to make but I made it. I'm going to art school. I'm living my dream, the thing I've worked towards my whole life until we had to leave my hometown. It's happening and I made the decision all alone. Without Rhys (although I've talked his ear off about the pros and cons), without Nesta or Elain, without my therapist. It was my decision! Isn't this exciting? I'm standing on my own two feet again. Baby steps evolved into quite big steps. I can't say how light I feel these days. I can paint it but words can't even begin to describe my feelings. I still have rough patches, especially now that it nears one year since my abduction but I'll get through this. I'm not alone. I'm not there anymore, I am safe now. And I am going to art school! Oh my god!

No words left, just happy.

January 1st

If you like a thing you should put a ring on it!

Okay, well, that's not the exact lyrics. I had to modify it a tiny little bit to fit my situation. Our situation. Rhys and my situation. Well, happy new year! I'm engaged! We are engaged! There will be a wedding. Between me and Rhys. Rhys and I. Engaged. Soon to be married. I'd say I believe I'm dreaming but I am not, I am looking at the ring as we speak. It's a family heirloom, Rhys told me. It's been through generations. The ring is also SO beautiful. It's a sapphire and in is etched with a six pointed star. The band of the ring is twisted of silver and gold. Never in my life have I seen something that beautiful. Sometimes, when the light falls in it in the right way, it looks like there is a star inside the stone.

Which actually brings me to the proposal. It wasn't something big, it was just me and Rhys and we went stargazing. I tried to find a constellation he had pointed at and when I turned around he was on his knee (his bad one, I basically had to pull him up), asking me to become his wife. Of course I cried. Nothing could beat this proposal.

It's Rhys and me. For the rest of our lives.

I'm thanking the stars everyday

Feysand Taglist:

@captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship @starfall-spirit @rhysiedarling @corcracrow @sydney-fae25 @tothestarsandwhateverend @aayo-whatt @dreamlandreader

[mickimomo]

The 'I Worship My Wife' Committee (Part 1)

I just know that Aneka, Namor, Attuma, and Oni have little get togethers where they gush over their wives. And it plays out in my head like this:

Aneka: Thank you all for joining me today. Alright. Well. As always. Let's start off by saying one good thing we have done to show how much we worship our wives. I'll go first. *clears throat* I learned how to give a deep tissue massage and gave Ayo one after she finished training. I also cooked her, her favorite meal. Things definitely got kinda steamy with the wine, but I'll spare you guys the details.

Oni: Nah girl. We share the details. Go ahead.

Aneka: Oh, well, you know. Straps were involved, and toes were curling. I don't think I've ever screamed that much before.

Oni: Oooh. That's why your voice was gone for three days.

Aneka: Yeah. But it was worth it.

Attuma, giving her high-five: Good for you.

Everyone clapped before looking at Attuma.

Attuma: Ah. Well. As you all know. Okoye is pregnant with twins. She's been craving a lot of things lately. She woke up at 3 in the morning sobbing the other day because she wanted something from the market. As you all know. The market is closed at 3 am. But whatever K'iin wants, I'll get it. So I broke into the place she wanted food from, made the meal, cleaned up the shop, left a few pearls as an apology, locked it back up, and brought her back what she wanted.

Aneka: I should have known you were the pearl bandit.

Attuma: I will not tell Okoye no.

Oni: Was udade happy?

Attuma: She was so happy that she rode my face and released after eating. I almost wish I had died with my face between her legs. It was a blissful experience.

Everyone clapped again.

Namor: Wow. That's beautiful.

Attuma: Thank you.

They all looked at Namor.

Namor: So, Shuri has been working on something nonstop without taking care of herself again. Typically, I'd chew her out and drag her to bed. Instead, I decided to come in for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and feed her a meal. I'll even come in to feed her a snack. I also forced her to nap with me and go on walks to take a break. And if you look at her now, you'll notice that she's not drinking as much coffee and she's glowing.

Oni: Yeeeess. We love to see a loved one properly cared for.

Namor: Yes. And now that she's not always going to bed tired, she finally has time to get laid out like a domino.

Aneka, snapping her fingers before pointing at the god king: I love that comparison you just gave us.

Namor: Thank you. I learned a lot at our last family game night.

Attuma: Are you trying for a child?

Namor: We will when she's ready.

They all nodded in agreement before looking at Oni.

Oni: Well. Amora has been wanting me to wear her colors more because she thinks orange and red really compliment me. So. Me being the good wife I am, I started wearing a few of her gowns, and she was ecstatic. Then I felt adventurous one day and put on her armor and pretended to be her when she got home.

Namor: Ooooo. How did that go?

Oni: She bent me over and fucked me until I cried.

Attuma: She made you cry?

Oni: Yes. I was so overstimulated, that I couldn't even move away.

Aneka: Is that why you were in a wheelchair for a week?

Oni: Yes, and my wife spoiled me every day to make up for it.

They all laughed softly at the memory of Oni pouting in a wheelchair while Namora tried to cheer her up.

Namor: I knew your lie of hurting your ankle seemed odd. You were pouting way too much with Namora around.

Oni: Beyond these walls. It's still a busted ankle. Amora will be livid if she knows I told you all what actually happened.

Attuma: We won't tell a soul.

Namor: You have our word.

Aneka, nodded in agreement: See. I knew Namora was a freak.

Oni: Oh hush. Ayo is just as nasty with you.

Aneka: And see. We didn't even have to go there.

Should I write out another meeting? 🤣😭

Link to Part 2

[fierceawakening]

So, actual question about actual gaslighting:

Mom tells me that my birthday gift is a table from IKEA that she and dad are buying me. I'm happy about this, as I very much do need a table. The one I have is one they were getting rid of when they moved into an apartment more suited to them aging in place, and is a lovely table but is way the fuck too big for my small apartment so I'm happy about this.

We go to IKEA. Somehow they forget that this is an hour each way and everyone is frustrated and annoyed at the trip taking so long so we're all kind of snippy while we're there. Which is maybe not great but I'm just kinda, eh, shit happens, I'm finding a table. Whatever.

TO MY PERCEPTION, my mom has a thing about people getting snippy. She starts to get really nervous and uncomfortable and make a big deal out of it, where I personally would prefer we just all laugh it off. "Oh fuck, we're all tired and cranky and forgot how fucking HUGE an IKEA is. Ow, argh, welcome to the universe, we all want to commit murder now but are too tired, woe is us, ha ha ha." But, again, as I perceive it, this is Not Okay with my mom, who really wants everyone to act happy and grateful all the time. It's TO ME like she can't see grateful if you're not beaming, and it baffles me.

BUT I am not her, and I could be downplaying that I'm curt to the point of mean, so let's presume that I'm terrible and grouchy and should really be less of both given that this is a present for me. Okay. I suck. Let's go.

Well, things get worse. We go to have dinner after, and I say we should wait until we get back to town and know the restaurants, and that while I know she practices intermittent fasting religiously "it's never actually the end of the world to mess up your diet once due to extenuating circumstances, we can push dinnertime to 6:30."

Well she LOSES IT because I called her fasting a diet and we have an argument which culminates in us eating at a terrible Mexican place we all absolutely hate so it won't be 6:30 at which point she absolutely cannot eat.

We're all tired and grumpy and annoyed because that was exhausting They take the table home with them and tell me they'll come back tomorrow (today) to assemble it, and then, since this is about my birthday, we'll go out to lunch for my bday. (I could SWEAR I asked if it was OK that that would take attention away from Mother's Day and she said it's fine, but maybe I don't remember?)

Anyway, we're all still exhausted and kind of annoyed, and now we're assembling furniture. I'm tired and hungry and looking forward to lunch, and from MY PERSPECTIVE I'm still in a bit of a snippy mood but I don't THINK I'm doing anything terrible.

But she gets super upset. Why am I not happy? Why am I not excited? Why did I not immediately mention Mother's Day? And I'm just like oh man can I just focus on putting a table together? And she's like why am I talking in the way I'm talking? MY answer to which is that we're all tired and run down and it's normal, but she doesn't like this.

Finally she tells me that she's not going to go with me to lunch if "I can't behave decently."

I'm hurt about this, but I don't want to promise that I can "behave decently" because I know from experience that trying to mask in front of her makes things worse, not better.

So I say, "You need to make up your own mind. I am not sure I can mask my snippiness until I have eaten and calmed down. If this is a dealbreaker for you, please just drop us off and we'll catch back up with you. If it's not, I'll probably be fine once I've rested and have some food in me."

I feel like this makes sense, and actually even like maybe it would help! I can't vow to never be visibly tired or annoyed, but I can be aware she dislikes it and tell her I'll catch her later when it won't put her on edge.

But her reaction to that is basically that I want license to behave badly, and that I don't care about her enough to "be decent." She goes with us, but the whole time talks about how unfair it is that I be allowed to "not be decent."

I eat the food and enjoy the restaurant, and as I predicted, this helps me to feel calmer and present as less obviously irritated. I am hurt deeply by the "not decent" remark but able to hide those feelings as I'm calmer. Everything is fine. Ish.

...

AITA or is she? I mean, I think she is, but... if I am abusive or cruel and giving myself a pass, I feel like I should know that.

I just... Idk. I don't feel like anyone else does this. Like, friends and loved ones have seen me annoyed. And they don't necessarily like it, but there isn't the same sense that I'm incapable of being decent.

Dafuq do I do about this? I love my mom but I'm so tired of feeling like I can't just... be pissed off, lest it hurt her in some way, when it seems like me being pissed off in front of other people is treated like it's, maybe not perfect, but normal.

[justanotherstarlightmonger]

The goodie bag series - Min Yoongi

Pairing: Yoongi x fem reader

Word count: 2.4 k words

Warnings: Trigger warning, attempted kidnapping, attempted assault, a fight.

A/n: I fought with myself a long time about if I wanted to post this after I wrote it, but then decided, fuck it, I'll take my chances.

Tagging: @parkdatjimin @themochiverse and my yoonmin anon.

Read the other members here.

୧⁠|⁠ ͡⁠ᵔ⁠ ⁠﹏⁠ ͡⁠ᵔ⁠ ⁠|⁠୨~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Yoonie, come home for dinner today?" You peeked out of your bedroom where you were still getting changed as Yoongi grabbed a mouthful of oats and grabbed his laptop bag and hurried to the door, but stopped as soon as you called out. He took two long strides and was in front of you, pressing a chaste kiss to your temples, " I won't make any promises honey, you know I'm busy."

You nodded against his lips, "Try?" You mumbled. 

"Mhm, I'll try. Have a good day!" He was already moving again and you regarded him with a tight smile as the door closed behind him. 

You stood there for a minute before turning back to the task at hand, getting ready to go to work yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'I won't make it to dinner, love. Don't wait up for me.' 

His text pulled you out of the stream of paperwork you were going through. You blinked disappointedly at the screen for a moment before going back to the floor plan you were designing, a strange bitterness in your stomach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The bed dipped behind you and the familiar scent of Yoongi's perfume and his deep grunt as he flung himself on the pillows alerted you that he was back. Your lashes fluttered and you hummed, turning over and cuddling into his side. 

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you. How was your day?" His tone sounded oh so tired. 

"Good. Did you eat?" You were still half asleep. 

"No, I had a late lunch. Im not very hungry, let's just sleep?" And you knew, with the way his words drawled out, that he needed sleep more than anything. 

And God knows, you needed it too, so you hummed in agreement and soon enough, both your breaths evened out, holding onto each other.

Until he started coming home so late and leaving so early that the only indication of his presence in your shared space was the occasional damp towel left in the bathroom, the rumpled sheets on his half of the bed and the single dirty dish in the sink in the morning. 

He still texted you though. 

'Good morning my love. You looked too peaceful to wake up. I had early practice and lots of writing to do. I'll see you in the evening. '

And then as evening approached, 'Babe, I'm caught up. Please don't wait up for me. I'm so sorry. '

And he was sincerely sorry. You knew. You knew your husband, and you also knew that when he slipped into the Producer Min headspace, there wasn't much you could do except wait it out till the days he'd pick you up from work and both of you'd drive home humming to songs together, returned. 

And you had your own work right? Yeah, you had loads of paperwork to go through, so many plans to approve and so many meetings to attend. 

Then why was it that when you leaned back in your chair, looking at the clock that showed that two hours had passed since you were supposed to clock out, and one of the more high profile client's plans pulled up on your computer, your heart felt like someone was squeezing it so tight? 

You missed Yoongi. You always missed Yoongi, and whenever something like this happened, you'd voice it to him, and flawed as he was human, Yoongi had a way of turning on you for being too immature and needy sometimes. 

And you had promised yourself that you'd not let an argument like that happen this time. 

Thus, true to yourself, you picked some chicken from one of his favorite fried food places and headed to his company. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was stupid, why was your heart hammering so hard? This was your husband for god's sake. You entered the password to his studio in the keypad and as the door beeped open, you pulled the door, bracing yourself. 

But his wide eyes and slight pout told you everything was okay. 

For now. 

His smile was just as bright as it had always been. His kisses were just as sweet as you wanted. His whispered "I missed you so much" echoed what your own heart was screaming, and you were happy. 

And so was he. 

Which is why when you stretched out on the couch after the staff had collected all the trash, leaving you both to your devices, Yoongi had only fondly rolled his eyes and tucked you under his own jacket, as he went back to work and you dozed off. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That first night in the studio turned into an almost daily ritual.

For four days. 

Which seemed fair, because you had gone without the man for a whole week. And you were confident that this time around, you might make it out of this spell without an argument.

But things always had a way of going downhill didn't they? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoongi didn't mind you hanging out in the studio. It was his habitat, and you were his wife. If anything, you were the one he loved having there more than anyone. But he had noticed the way you grimaced and grabbed your shoulders when you woke up, the way your neck bent at all the wrong angles on his couch, and how the dark circles under your eyes turned darker. 

He felt guilty. 

And he hated feeling that way. 

"Babe, go home." He urged you, adamant in front of him. 

"No. I'm fine here, trust me." Ah, you had that look on your face. The look that was more of a challenge, as usual. A look that told him you'd be stubborn on this. 

"You're uncomfortable here, don't lie to me. Go home, it's alright, you don't have to stay with me." God, he hated feeling guilty. 

"I want to though." 

"You want to go to the chiropractor for your neck coz you're too damn stubborn for your own good?" Yoongi raised an eyebrow. 

"I want to stay with you coz I hate sleeping without you." You lowered your voice slightly, "You know that."

"Don't be such a child y/n, it's not like I don't come home" 

There he went, your heartbeat increased. This wasn't happening. Hadn't you promised yourself? 

" It's n-"

"Please go home, I'm wasting time as it is." He grunted and turned back, clearly done with the conversation as his hands reached for his headphones. 

"I hate sleeping alone Yoongi, why would you make me sleep alone when I'm fine here?" You demanded. 

You got no response, a faint sound of instruments came from his headphones. 

Tears pricked your eyes. Yoongi could be an ass when he wanted to. 

You sat there for a few minutes, before convincing yourself it wasn't worth getting into another fight if he turned around and still found you there. You heaved a shaky breath and gathered your stuff, leaving the building and heading to the bus stop. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God, fall nights in Seoul got so chilly so soon. You hugged your sweater closer to you and walked towards your home purposefully, the anger at a certain producer dissipating in the cool air. 

Not long after, you realized there was more than one echo of footsteps coming to you. You focused on the sound, trying not to be paranoid. Maybe it was just the way the street was. There wasn't someone following you, was there? 

Was there? You tilted your head slightly to the side. 

There most definitely was. 

Your heart hammered. Shit shit shittt. You transferred your house keys to your dominant hand and stuck the sharp edge out of your fist and quickened your steps. 

You were almost home, it was okay. 

And then the second pair of footsteps vanished. 

Phew, it was probably just someone else going home from work. Paranoia really did take the best of your mind some days. 

You heaved a sigh of relief and smiled softly. 

Too soon. 

You collided into a man in a long black coat who had just come out of the alley in front of you. His firm hands grabbed onto your waist, and one immediately made it's way lower over your hips. 

You blanched and tried to pull away. 

"Hello, pretty. What are you doing out at this hour?" 

His voice was raspy and his breath reeked of alcohol. You struggled harder.

"Let go!" You snapped. 

"Feisty little thing aren't you? Good, I like em feisty." He grinned, clearly drunk out of his mind and made to grab you off your feet, fitting both hands under your ass and lifting you up.

You screamed in terror and jabbed at his face with the key you had. 

Immediately he was dropping you, "You little cunt! What the fuck was that for?" He yelled.

But you were already swift on your feet, running in the opposite direction as fast as your legs would carry you. All you could think of was that he could not know where you lived. 

You zoomed onto the main street, still hearing his thundering curses and footsteps behind you, and thanked everything holy at the 7-eleven in front of you. 

"Please, help me. There's a man outside, he-" you gasped at the ahjussi behind the counter who had risen from his seat in surprise. 

He was quick to catch on, leaping from behind the counter and looking around outside. But the bastard had left. 

The old man turned back to you with kind eyes, concerned at the state you were in, pale and trembling like a leaf. 

"He's gone child, he's gone."

"A-are you s-sure?" You said weakly. 

"I'm sure. Let me get you some water. Do you have anyone to call to come get you? You shouldn't walk home by yourself at this time." He said kindly, pouring you a glass of water 

"M-my husband... My h-husband," your trembling hands found your phone and you were calling Yoongi instantly. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoongi rolled his eyes and tossed his phone in the drawer. 

"Fucking hell y/n, how petty can you be?" He mumbled. 

You had this stupid habit of spamming him when you wanted to annoy him. 

He was just surprised that you'd do it now, when you had clearly had an argument.

If anything, Yoongi expected you to sulk and be mad for a day at least 

Clearly not. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the trembling phone told you the love of your life had let the call go to voicemail for the third time, you broke. 

Tears streaming down your face, you dialed the only one you trusted in any case. 

The line rang and then a sleepy hum sounded.

"J-jungkookie?" You sobbed. 

"Noona?" He was awake in a second, "What's wrong?" 

You sobbed harder. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Yoongi came home the next day, he was surprised at how dark the living room was, the curtains drawn. 

He also noticed how your shoes weren't by the door but instead still on your feet as you were curled up on the couch, eyes wide open and streaks of dried mascara sitting on your face. 

His alarms went off. 

There was something definitely wrong. 

"Honey?" He called out to your still form, and didn't get graced with a look back.

"Baby?" He went over to you. 

Still no response. 

Oh, something was so wrong. 

He got on his knees before you, his stomach churning in tension. 

"Y/n, love, what happened?" 

"I called you Yoongi, why didn't you pick up?" Your voice was hoarse and barely there, and your neck had these strange scratches on it that made no sense to the ridiculous question you had asked him. 

Something was wrong. 

"I was working love, what's happened to you?" 

That's when you caught him with a half dead gaze, immediately making him wish you hadn't looked his way. An unexplained shame set into his very bones. 

"Please tell me what happened." He pleaded again.

" I was... " You sighed, "I was walking home last night and when I turned off the main road... " Your voice broke again and Yoongi felt his sanity slipping away.

"... there was a- a guy... He-he tried t-to-" a dry sob cut you off and the raging panic in Yoongi's body froze over to something deadly. 

His own shame and ice cold anger made a cocktail of poison so strong, his fists clenched and his voice lowered. 

" He tried to touch you?" He asked.

Your nod had a roar lodging in his throat. 

" H-he lifted me and tried to take me away. I scratched him with th-the keys, " you hiccuped, "and ran back to the store. He followed me all the way" you were trembling again, tears of fear slipping down the paths already present on your face. 

"Honey..." His hands reached for you, and his heart broke when you started and pulled away slightly before grabbing his hands and crying in earnest. 

"Yoongi..." His name was all that slipped past your trembling lips as you cried against his shoulder, "I called you. I called you so many times, why didn't you answer me? " 

Yoongi felt like he'd be sick. He wanted to go get that bastard arrested this very moment but his guilt and shame froze him to the spot. The way you held onto him so tightly made him feel like he wasn't worthy to comfort you. 

And all he could say was, "I'm sorry, love. Im so so sorry. " His own voice strained from holding back tears. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoongi gingerly placed you on the bed after the longest shower you had taken. 

He had had to gently guide your hand away from your skin so many times as you scratched yourself violently and cried. You had cried so much. 

He had carried you to the room, silent and stewing in guilt. 

But as soon as his arms pulled away you mumbled a soft, "No... Please?" 

"What is it baby?" He had no words of comfort worthy of giving you.

"Stay."

"I'm right here." He sat beside you, his hands carding through your damp hair. 

You hugged his arm to your chest, breathing soft and slightly shaky from all the crying. 

"Jungkookie brought me home." You mumbled into his skin. 

Yoongi would go hug Jungkook after this. 

"Please don't make me sleep alone." God, why was your voice so small? 

"I won't, my baby. I won't ever. I'm so sorry." 

[ha1taniwh0re]

Do you take request? If yes then is it alright that I request William's S/O & Sherlock's S/O hate each other everytime they met and when they met they started to fight each other who has a better bf and who is more intelligent. If you like, little smut won't hurt for a fluff at the end 😔

Sure thing, i will try smut but be aware that i wrote it just once so if its not good please have a heart to understand why is like that💕

I really like your idea i hope this is what you wanted💕

Ladys don’t like each other

/reader’s pov/

My boyfriend William, his brother Louis and I went on our train back to London. We were just sitting and eating our lunch but from somewhere detective Sherlock Holmes came to our table.

“AAAAA IS THAT YOU LIAMMM?!”, he said and just sat with us.

“Mr. Holmes pleasure to see you again”.

As Liam was good as always to this detective, Louis and I were super pissed that he came to our table.

“SHERLOCK YOU CANT JUST SIT TO SOMEONE’S TABLE!!”

I heard some girl’s voice. Voice that i hate.

She came to our table and our eyes met.

“(Name) Moriarty”, she said unhappy.

“(Girls name) Holmes”, i said unhappy too.

“What are you doing here??” She asked.

“Me? Just sitting with my PERFECT family. And you?” I said.

She looked at me with stupid face.

“I getting back to London with my SMART boyfriend ”, she said.

“Its cute that he is smart but mine is smarter one here”, i said and hugged Liam’s arm.

“That’s not-“

We heard someone screaming. We came to see what happened and saw dead man. Sherlock asked Liam to compete who will solve this first.

“Now everyone will see that MY boyfriend is smarter”, I said.

“Yeah right eat dust bitch”. She said.

“WHAT DID YOU CALLED ME?!” I said.

I started walking to her but my boyfriend took my hand and pulled me back.

/time skip/

We got back to London and Liam and Sherlock solved it in the same time so I can’t rub it on (girl’s name)’s face.

“Well we solved it at the same time”, Sherlock said.

“Yes, Im glad that we did it on the time”, Liam said.

“Liam im so proud of you!! You did so much today”, i said.

“He did yeah but MY boyfriend did more”, she said.

“Girls let’s stop this nonsense”, Sherlock said.

“I will agree with Sherlock”, Liam said.

“SHUT UP”, we said.

“WILLIAM IS BETTER HE IS PROFESSOR ON UNIVERSITY!!!” I said.

“SHERLOCK IS THE BEST DETECTIVE IN LONDON!!” She said.

“WILLIAM IS BETTER BOYFRIEND HE ALWAYS GIVES ME ATTENTION!”

“SHERLOCK ALWAYS LET ME TO GO WITH HIM ON HIS MISSIONS!”

“GIRLS STOP!!!” They said.

We looked at them a little bit questionable.

“Why are you arguing about this??” Liam asked.

“We are different types of boyfriends. You can’t compare us. We are the best boyfriends in different ways”.Sherlock said.

(Girl’s name) and I just looked at each other and I went to my carriage and she just stood there next to Sherlock.

As three of us got home i went to my and Liam’s room to prepare myself for sleep, but William had other plans.

He got into our room and huged me from behind.

“My sweet lady. You are so cute when you are angry”, he said with that angelic smile.

But in one second that smile became devils smirk.

“But i think you need a punishment for being like that all day”.

He took me to our bed and gentle placed me on it. He looked straight into my eyes and I could see pleasure in his eyes. He started kissing me every where. From my lips to my other lips. My nightclothes were ripped apart.

“Heyyy!!”, I said.

“ I will buy you new one”, he said.

He started kissing me hungry. Like im his dinner or something. As i was enjoying this moment i didn’t release that he took off his t-shirt and unzipped his pants. When he wanted to put that dick inside me we heard knock on the door.

“Ni-sann, (name)-chan dinner is ready”, Louis said.

“Okey, thank you Louis”, William said.

As we heard him leaving the door Liam started fucking me. He didn’t wait a minute more.

“Ah~ Liam”

“Shhh be quite I need to give you your punishment quickly, dinner is ready”, he said.

He started doing it faster and faster. I finished at least 3 times. When I finished 3th time he did the same. I was dead.

“I believe that this is your lesson to stop fighting with Lady Holmes”.

“It is my love. I will skip dinner Im feeling really sleepy”.

I closed my eyes and only thing I heard before he closed the door was his chuckle.

“Good night princess”, he said.

[stuckinotherplaces]

American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis

Genre: Thriller/slasher/horror/satire

Pages: 399

Publication date: 1991

3/5 stars, (it was okay)

American Psycho is a first person satirical book following a rich wallstreet guy through his day to day life, from his boring monotonous meetings and dinners and reservations to his uncontrolled murderous rage and bloodlust. The book follows his mental deterioration and internal confusion as his murders get more and more frequent and gruesome while his everyday life gets more and more boring.

American Psycho is a gorey but kind of boring book. It starts slow and reading the beginning felt a little bit unbearable. There were times before things really started that I thought about adding to my DNF list, but I'm really glad that I stuck with it. The first few chapters are just boring. Nothing happens. Bateman goes to lunch and makes dinner reservations and has sex with different women and describes in painstaking detail all the different luxury clothing brands that everyone is wearing. All I could think was "does anyone actually care about any of this?".

The murders start to pick up in the first quarter or half of the book, but they're kind of boring in the beginning too. Stabs somebody, slits somebodies throat. Whatever.

Towards the later half of the book, the murders start getting more and more frequent and elaborate. There's a scene where he decapitates a woman and then fucks the decapitated head, written in detail. Which is one thing this book never lacks, is detail, usually mindnumbing monotonous details about what people are wearing or eating or random chapters about musicians that don't really feel like they belong in the same book. But the murders, gore and guts and all, are written with exactly the same amount of detail as all the boring stuff, and, the murders at least, are well written and interesting.

As the book progresses, and Bateman's drug use gets worse, you can really see his deterioration. Things that he was worried about in the beginning, things like getting caught or trying not to kill people that were close to him, start to not matter anymore. He shoots someone in broad daylight in front of a cop. He mixes up the names of the restaurant that he's currently in. His anxiety spirals. It's hard to tell what's real and what's only real to him. It's written surprisingly well and really reflects the way that it feels to spiral into a psychotic episode, to lose touch with reality.

The multi-way phone conversation chapter where they do nothing but talk about dinner reservations for what feels like years sucked. Probably my least favorite chapter in the entire book. It was un-fucking-bearable. But even that chapter, though meant to be confusing, shows exactly where his mind is at and how out of touch he is.

Most of the book was just boring. Nothing. Filler. Dinner reservations and conversations about how to style clothes and sex with women he doesn't care about and business meetings and renting and returning vhs tapes and weird tangents that seem both out of character and like they should be in a different book and the longest run-on sentences ever written. But it was okay, and worth it to get to the murders and panic attacks.

Not sure why he was obsessed with Trump, seems like a guy like that would think that he was stupid and ugly. Even if it was written before Trump was (openly at least) the raging bigoted cunt that he is today with an orange spray tan.

It ends completely unceremoniously with nothing happening. The guy doesn't die or get arrested or kill himself, he doesn't change. It just ends. I know that the point, I understand the deep themes and satire. I know why it was written the way that it was. I just think that maybe I didn't need 400 pages of nothing to tell me that rich people are bad. Has the vibes of like white men that do acid once and then learn that empathy is good.

I probably won't ever read it again, but I am glad I finished it.

3/5 stars

read from October 28 - November 26 2023

[brightgnosis]

Yesterday, I don't know what happened. But it's like everything kept going wrong for some reason and nothing kept going right. I was starting to get so angry by it all. Especially when the Cats wouldn't stop fighting.

Echo's in heat now and she's driving Freya and Araris up the wall trying to get their affection because they hate the poor girl and she just wants them to love her. So they keep just low level yowling at her constantly, and I can't handle repetitive noises. It makes me violently angry for no reason. But every time I tried to catch her to crate her so the other three could have a break, she was too fast. So I just had to deal with it for hours- and it's already starting back up again this morning 😭 I'm so ready for our taxes to come in so we can get her spayed already.

Eventually I finally managed to get the "Getting Dressed" task to work for me. So I put on my shiny new Hawaiian shirt, and I tried a new headwrap style. And I put on some very large dangly jewelry. And I liked how I looked. And that kind of made my mood a little better.

But the Cats kept fighting, and things kept going wrong.

Eventually I was at my wit's end and decided I just needed the frick out of the house. So I was going to have my Husband take me out when he got home; I've been craving Pasta for days, but since I had to throw up the Ravioli I ordered Friday, I never really got that kicked. So I was going to find somewhere that served it and have him take me out for a nicer dinner for once.

Then I remembered this week's light monetarily, and I have a bunch of food in the fridge that's about to go back, and he just spent 2 weeks taking care of me, and he'd just made a one-off comment about missing my cooking the other day, and I was finally actually feeling okay (good energy, Lyrica wasn't hitting me sideways, etc) so cooking wasn't dangerous for me ... And I've been craving cooking lately anyways.

So I changed my mind and said screw it instead, and just gathered up everything to make something here, then had him stop by WalMart on the way home for some meat.

I wound up completely making up a roasted Bell Pepper and Cream pasta sauce (blended to a pulp, so I could actually eat it and go to bed without having another flare)- with Turmeric, Mustard, Coriander, Paprika, Cayenne, Garlic Powder, Onion Powder, and Salt. Then I made some Meatballs made with 1/2 Pork Sausage 1/2 Ground Beef to go with, seasoned with Sage, Cinnamon, Mace, Nutmeg, Allspice, Clove, Cayenne, Paprika, Mustard, and a dash of Herbs de Province. And I served it with Linguine (because I thought I had Fettuccini and didn't) and some crusty Sourdough slices.

It was really fucking good. And you know what ... Yeah. It really did make everything better last night. I'm glad I did that. It really seemed to make my Husband happy, too, and that was nice as well. It's been a long time since I saw him smile like that; I think we're both kind of miserable in this house, even though he won't admit it on his end.

Anyways. I'm feeling better today- if a bit shorter in the fuse than usual. So far, at least. So I think I'm going to try and finish the rest of the list from yesterday before Lunch today. We'll see.

[jimmycartersufo]

this is me having the Tuesday foh museum employee version of Sunday scaries. I love using tumblr as a sort of diary right now especially when writing my hand causes pain!

the last two weeks of work have been especially rough and this week I have some tough stuff to get through that I'm nervous about but it'll be OK. I just struggled with the unknown. time always moves too quickly this time of year and I'm desperate to hold on to my days off because I am so burnt out. the problem is when you're in between those biweekly checks and you're broke as hell but also it's been pouring down rain. I can't help but feel bad and guilty when I do nothing. I didn't do just nothing, I took care of my mom today and I've rested a lot but it still feels weird and bad.

I'm almost back to being in the green for my sick time. I used up all my sick time and my boss had payroll give me negative sick time which was a life saver. I miss my boss so much. everything has gone to shit without her. but she deserves so much better. clearly. anyway, in a couple weeks I'll start to see actual sick time build up again. and on July 1 I'll get more pto 🤡 but thankfully at least Juneteenth falls on a Wednesday so we will have a three day weekend. The museum won't pay it's workers more or respect their security dept (which is historically and systematically Black) but they will do land acknowledgements if they happen to put up a work by a Native person (aka no permanent land acknowledgement lol) and they'll give us Juneteenth off with pay. oh and back of house gets more pto than foh but I'm not here to list alllllll of my complaints rn. but we as a team are counting down the days so we can have a three day weekend. like yeah holiday pay on a day we already have off (every gov holiday that falls on a Monday) but would rather have a floating holiday for more pto. abyway I should hopefully have some sick time built up in a couple months to take a day off for rest.

falling behind on chores again. desp need to spring clean dust because ofc I have to be a maximalist autistic. still need to wash my beach combing finds from a few weeks ago. still need to hang stuff up. the most I can do is pick up a little. do a load of laundry but share the labor with my husband because we don't have the capacity for either or alone. do dishes maybe. make breakfast, lunch, and John makes dinner. take care of mom which is hard sometimes but more than anythjng it has to be done and I can trick my brain into not being an asshole about it. make the bed but in a more "lazy" way. take care of myself and stick to my barely there routine. medicine with alarms, brush teeth, set out the clothes I want to wear at least a day ahead but two days if possible. shower when it's been too long. lotion on my face and my arms and my legs if I can tolerate it. drink water. try and keep my salt levels up. stretches even if it's in bed. my daily puzzles. learn something new (read an article and or a wiki page).

at least tomorrow we get paid. I have to save money for when we go to an Orioles game soon. need to figure out when and how and where we are viewing the eclipse. grocery shopping. taking care of mom if dad is working late/in traffic. look over what bills are do this check. thankfully we get paid I think three times this month? JK it's may we get three paychecks but thankfully I get paid the week of my mom's birthday!!!!!!

I work on late shift this month. bad because no extra money but good because I am so fucking exhausted. I'm basically a sorta manager without all the manager roles and Def not the pay. but that's basically what I am now. thinking about it makes me sick. I goofed up somewhere to end up here with this responsibility. but also it was happenstance. I understand that. and that I have been masking so well for so long.

it's autism awareness day. I am autistic. I am finally feeling right with that. it's been over a year now, and I've spent that time reflecting on my life and the way I am. I was lucky that my sister has been in programs and I basically knew a guy that knew a guy that knew a guy. but I don't have like, a therapist or anthring to guide me through the realities of hey you're autistic and this is why you think and do xyz. I wish I listened to autistic friends years ago that said hey you're autistic and I was like no not me, I don't do this thing but the thing is a lot of those things I didn't think I did I literally did not understand the questioning which is funny. I can't really think of a good example but like you read a question like do you struggle to make eye contact and irs like yes but only in certain circumstances like when I don't know someone but you don't have the way to answer with nuances so you just say no. not the best example but it's like that. what's so interesting about being diagnosed late is you start to kind a breakdown the safety nets of masking and then it seems like you're faking because you're doing all this stuff not in private anymore, like you're regressing or something and it's like no I was just playing a role.

today for dinner I had chicken nuggets and heinz pickle ketchup and we watched a video about being in wdw on 9/11 and I was like oh

rigut now I'm trying to follow my night routine but I'm so anxious to sleep. I did sleep in really late today after sleeping poorly and then getting up to take care of mom in the morning. I woke up just before noon after going back to bed about nine???? so I'm not very tired. I'm going to go figure out my lunch for tomorrow so I don't worry about it in the am and then I'm going to check the laundry and if it's dry enough get my favorite pair of undies (tomboyx boy shorts) and my favorite pants (green!!) and find a top and then make the bed comfy and then I'm gonna use my new neck massager even though I've probably used it too much today and I hope to find a nice wiki article to read :)))))))

[ray-talks]

1/29/24

i did not post yesterday.

if ever go a day without posting it is likely from two reasons, either i was exhausted and had little time, or i did not restrict as planned. the latter is unfortunately true in this instance. i will say, i am rather embarrassed, which is why i am unenthused about posting on days where i slip up. an additional reason is that i only want to post when i am on the right track. these posts are markers of progress. i am conflicted on whether i think that this might be a mistake, and that maybe i should own up to my errors. especially, if i'll just talk about it the next day. i think, though, i won't post during periods of time i'll know it'll be impossible to restrict properly, like extended family reunions. all my posts would be for that time is bemoaning the experience. before i explore my thoughts on yesterday, i will mention how my restriction went today. it was successful. dinner was small since i choose my portions, and i purged it well.

now, i'll start with how things went awry. for the better part of the day, i went without eating as usual. i left midday to study as to avoid lunch, and i wasn't even made to eat breakfast. this is particularly disappointing that i did not take advantage of this and held strong. my friend wanted to come over, and i essentially have an internal rule to never deny them. i will say, this may not be beneficial at all for me to do, for reasons i have spoken about in prior posts. it is my guilt that in this instance i do not prioritize my eating disorder. i care too much about them and i fear losing them. perhaps, it is hypocritical for me to hold tight to this, considering i have made declarations that my suffering was the highest degree of importance to me. i find that i oscillate between what i value more: suffering or the people i care about. neither of which ever successfully take hold, so i find myself walked back-and-forth between opposite directions.

all of this to say, it meant that i had to eat a snack and dinner, and that i couldn't purge. what was worse, and surprising to me, was how strong my cravings were. i don't think i have experienced this since i began actively restricting again. i wouldn't say it's easy to refrain from eating, but it doesn't take that much normally. yesterday, it was much harder. i noticed immediately by how much i wanted to eat the popcorn, and that i felt anxious that i couldn't have more. and when it was time for dinner, while i did choose to get a smaller portion, i ate rather quickly and maybe too enthusiastically. something i didn't take into consideration was that my mom made dessert, and she expected me to eat some. so i did. this is already bad enough, but then, i faltered, and made the rash choice to have more. these types of things spiral out-of-control fast. once you allow yourself to eat, you give in, and continue to eat more. it's harder to stop than start. this precisely the reason why my mind went, "fuck it", and also ate another snack.

i have an urge to say that i "binged", but that would be inaccurate. i did not necessarily exceed a normal calorie intake. it's more like i was around a normal calorie intake. this is still a negative to me -- i shouldn't have done that. when given the dessert, i should have cut my losses right then. sure, i'd be disappointed i was forced to eat more than i expected, but it's much better than continuing to eat. i had an informal rule in my head that i should never eat unless forced. i broke this rule, and that is greatly upsetting to me. but i also acknowledge that i cannot dwell heavily on this -- ruminating on mistakes leads to more mistakes. it's so easy to get dispirited and give up, rather than strengthen your resolve. i cannot let this happen to me. not again. so i am determined to let it go.

this all leads me to my interpretations. a good portion of my entries are about reflection:--what does this say about me?--why did i do this?--and, what are the implications behind this? this incident stands out to me, because it reveals that i am inconsistent. i say one thing, and then, my actions contradict it. it really puts doubts in what i tell myself. if i were truly dedicated to my own suffering, and wholly invested in my goal, would i ever make mistakes like this? and, like i said earlier, my motivations can falter and swap places with each other. i have tendency to think multiple things at once. a possibility that came to mind is that i do things based on what is easiest. since it seems impossible for me to recover, i will seek to worsen my conditions until death. at the same time, it is difficult to be in pain, so i attempt to relieve myself from it in small ways. it is like what i said, that i walk back-and-forth in opposite directions -- i do things that help me, then i do things that disservice me.

i'd say i do "negative" things 75-80% of the time, while i do "positive" things 20-25% of the time. this is frustrating because i need to dedicate myself to one or the other. i would favor pursuing the "negative" pathway -- it's more realistic for me, and it is basically who i am deep down. i try to minimize this instinct within me to avoid hurt. in other posts, i have said that i do not enjoy suffering, and this is proof of that. it is not my natural inclination; it is simply how the cards have been dealt and the only feasible option left for me. i want to and try to breathe life into my firm belief in my imminent self-destruction. i have to actively stoke the flames to heighten the passion of my fire. i need to push myself forward and never give up. i am tired of stagnation and being wallowingly directionless. at least with this, i am cultivating something out of the nothingness that is my life. perhaps then, i know that i am hypocritical at times, and sometimes what i do and say do not align perfectly, but it is a start. if i keep repeating to myself what i want, then slowly bit-by-bit, i'll act accordingly.

that are my thoughts for today. if anyone reads this, i wish you a good day.

[casspurrjoybell-29]

Forging Ties - Chapter 20 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Hamish walked into the galley in search of something for lunch and found Perry.

He had on long rubber gloves that reached up to his elbows and was holding a mixing bowl.

Despite the relatively small size of the ship, Hamish had hardly seen Perry since they'd boarded.

"Oh." Perry set the bowl on the counter and pointed down at it.

"I'm just..."

Hamish nodded.

"What are you making?"

"Bread. It won't be done until tomorrow because, well, it's a process. You're welcome to have some when it's ready, but I understand if you'd rather not."

"Sounds great."

Hamish sat down at the small table in the middle of the room.

"Do you eat? Sorry if that's a stupid question but I don't think you had anything when we went to dinner the other night and you don't show up for meals."

"I prefer to eat in private," Perry replied as he went back to stirring his bowl of bread ingredients.

"It's rather a sight and not something I would want to subject people to when they're trying to enjoy their own meals. Not having lips makes things a bit messy."

"The Fae weren't so kind to you, huh?"

Perry gave a half shrug.

"I don't blame them for all this. I found myself with a broken down truck in the middle of a desert I needed to cross with a heavy pack of supplies my people couldn't do without. The Fae that found me stayed with me the whole way, bringing me back over and over again. It knew I was willing to give up everything to make it home, so how could I blame it for that?"

"I suppose that's life sometimes, even with the benefit of magic. There aren't always easy options."

Perry poured some flour into the bowl with his dough and began kneading it together.

"You're a human, aren't you?"

"Yes."

Perry nodded.

"I was too, before all this. My people were engineers, scientists, scholars. Snobs, if I'm honest."

Hamish let out a breath of laughter.

"We thought we were better than everyone. A little community made up of humanity's greatest, though of course too noble and intelligent to stoop to the level of helping the rest of the human race with a war they were badly losing."

Hamish set his elbow on the table and propped his chin up on his hand.

"Is that such a bad thing, considering?"

"No but when things got desperate, we closed the gates. I read through all the old records in the weeks after I got back from that final trip. We made the calculations, figured out how many people we could take in without putting ourselves at risk and then we tossed those calculations out because we didn't want ordinary people polluting our perfect little community."

Perry sprinkled some more flour into the bowl.

"That was generations before my time, of course but it's not like we'd changed at all. One of my closest friends when I was young was apprenticed outside of the community when she was twelve because she was a slow learner. But when you do fit in, you think it could never happen to you..."

"They kicked you out for looking like that?"

"Not right away but... yes. After a time, it became clear I was no longer welcome."

Hamish shook his head.

"Fuck them, then. Bet you regretted crossing that desert for them after that."

"You know I did, for a time but then I realised that made no sense. No matter how cruel they were to me, I wouldn't wish death on any one of them. If that's the case, then if there is even one person in that community I would have given my life for, how can I regret it? My young nephew is alive today because I brought back the materials we needed to repair our solar panels. The last time he saw me, he screamed and then cried inconsolably for two hours straight but he was three at the time so I can hardly hold that against him."

"I guess that makes sense. Just... man. I'd be resentful."

"Oh, no, no, make no mistake, I am terribly resentful."

Perry gave the dough a gentle punch with his gloved fist.

"It's just interesting how we can view a community as an entity in itself that is far worse and more deserving of wrath than any one of the individuals who are a part of it."

"We passed through another community of humans on our way here. They were so different from the humans I grew up around. Much more accepting."

"Well, not to malign them but you don't stay a group of anything in this weird, wild world if you're truly accepting."

Hamish tipped his head in acknowledgement.

"They were great hosts but you may have a point there. I know Duran wasn't fully comfortable around them but I would hardly expect him to be."

"Hmm," Perry said.

"He was telling me a bit about his past the other night. I'm surprised the two of you are so close, all things considered. Are you... together?"

"Well, I mean, I don't do monogamy and he's not looking for that right now either but..." Hamish shrugged.

"I feel like we have far too few categories for the different kinds of relationships you can have with another person. Or maybe having categories at all is too restrictive. I have a lot of different feelings for a lot of different people but they're all genuine and deep. The factual answer is that Duran is my friend and that sometimes we're intimate. It's also true that I love him. That's not something I usually say, though because people have some very specific ideas about what love should mean that don't really apply to my view of the world."

"That's a much longer answer than I had expected."

Hamish laughed.

"Sorry. I guess I've just been musing on these sorts of things a bit and if you say your musings out loud to the people who are actually involved, it's a lot more consequential."

"Ah, I see. Well, I don't mind at all. You listened to me. I appreciate that."

"Yeah, of course. There's so much I don't know about the world. I'm always open to learning more."

"Well, knowledge is the one thing I do have," Perry said as he covered the bowl of dough with a cloth.

"I'll leave that to rise. Do you read at all? I have some books in my luggage that might interest you."

"Sounds great," Hamish said. "Lead the way."