#fuck i think i said id draw them literally over a year ago AND JUST NOW HAVE I ACTUALLY MADE ANYTHING BLEHH

[racmune]

they say that old man yaoi is quite popular lately, check it out when you get the chance

[rjalker]

idk if anybody has said this to u yet but thank u for spreading awareness about how the public domain actually works, if i saw one more "you Have to call him willie and he HAS to be black and white" post i think id have a conniption fit

Thank you! It's very frustrating seeing all the fearmongering misinformation. I've been looking forward to this for the last year, but somehow I didn't realize that so many people had no idea what the Public Domain was at all...

I'm hoping people will actually put in the effort to do research and learn about these things so we don't have this problem every year, rather than everyone jumping on the "lets play attack dog for Disney's lawyers for free by screaming copyright infringement at every drawing of Mickey Mouse" bandwagon.

Like. It is baffling in the extreme how many people have instantly turned into corporate attack dogs over things that they do not in any way understand, but somehow they think they're being anticapitalist by doing so? They think they're being progressive by leaping to fearmonger and uphold Disney's stranglehold over the Public Domain by spreading fearmongering and misinformation that...literally didn't even exist before five days ago.

People now think that because Mickey Mouse is Public Domain, this somehow magically means it's literally illegal to draw Mickey Mouse in any way. It's confounding. And its just showing how deep the corporate propaganda runs. And I'm really really hoping people will start waking up and realizing how fucked up their reactions to this is and start actually learning about the Public Domain instead of immediately just spreading blatant misinformation about it that a five second google search will dispel.

I've now had to see four people proclaiming, with utmost self-righteous confidance, that celebrating the Public Domain, and celebrating that Mickey Mouse is Public Domain, is "corporate bootlicking for Disney" and "free advertising for Disney".

Because these people saw everyone saying not to give JK Rowling free advertising by continuing to celebrate her characters when the books have bigotry baked into them, and now think that they can just say the same thing about anything no matter what the context, even when they have absolutely no idea what they're talking about.

Disney has done so much to destroy awareness of the Public Domain that people are now convinced that celebrating the Public Domain...is capitalistic greed. Really makes you wish werewolf transformations were in real life because god fucking damn do I want to maul some billionaires.

I am once again begging everyone, as a bare bones beginning, to their understanding of the Public Domain, to go watch this presentation by the Internet Archive from 2019 if you're able to. (Some of them have subtitles, some of them don't, I'm going to ask if they have a transcript)

Here's a relevant clip from video 14.

[ID: A short video clip of Joseph Gratz at the 2019 Internet Archive conference about the Public Domain, sitting in a yellow chair as he speaks, saying and gesturing along with his words: "That's the, uh, official, maybe impractical strategy. The unofficial, um, more practical strategy is...be bold! Right?" [applause] "If you're acting in good faith, people are not going, ah, most copyright holders are people of good faith, who do not want to go after people who are acting in good faith, who are not harming their legitimate economic interests. And so if you're doing something, even pretty boldly, that is, that you believe and have a basis to believe, uh, and a reasonable basis to believe is in the Public Domain, or is fair use -- going out and doing it is the way, um, is the way forward, rather than being endlessly afraid." His speech ends, there's a short pause, then more applause. End ID.]

[sublimecatgalaxy]

hey bro, hope ur doing well and happy holidays <3 i have a elliot request cuz he’s my comfort character atm: could it be like platonic soulmates with prompt 16 where they’re just a bit flirty but like in a sarcastic way?

Of course!! I hope this is what you were thinking when you requested :) I hope you had a good start to your new year!

"I have so many questions when I look at the two of you." Jules calls out suddenly, breaking the silence of our smoke circle and she pulls the blunt away from her smirking lips. Elliot and I look at each other with a curious look before glancing over at the girls who share a similar, intrigued look on their stoned faces.

"What do you mean?" I ask, throwing my legs across Elliot's lap as he immediately glues his hands to the sensitive skin of my thighs, drawing aimless circles into my bare skin.

"Well, you're not fucking." Rue observes and I chuckle, taking a hit off of my blunt before giving her a simple shake of my head. "You've never kissed?" She asks and I hear Elliot snicker beside me, head leaning to dip into the crook of my neck to hide his smile.

"We never said that." I tease vaguely with a grin, knowing that it would cause a brain fart in the girls since they would expect the two of us to divulge them in all of our juicy secrets like they would. You would expect. Elliot and I laugh quietly to ourselves, watching the two girls look at each other, brows furrowed in mutual confusion.

"You've never wondered what it would be like to date?" Jules asks, wafting her hand to disperse the smoke around her with a cough.

"Nope." I shake my head with a shrug and Elliot nods, agreeing quietly with me as he wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into him. "We're perfectly fine the way that we are."

"But you guys flirt all the time." We nod, knowing we've been over this so many times between the four of us. For some reason, it's so hard for them to understand that Elliot and I like to mess with each other, to be all over each other, without all of the extra shit that comes with being in a relationship or talking about our feelings.

Friends with benefits except the benefits are confusion everyone else around us and having each other as fake partners to bring to family events.

"Yeah but it doesn't mean anything."

"Elliot, you literally looked at her twenty minutes ago and said 'I don't bite, unless you're into that sort of thing' and winked at her." Jules shouts and Rue immediately bursts out in a fit of laughter, patting Jules back as she sends me a wink from across the room.

"Yes and?" Elliot asks, looking down at me with a nonchalant smile. "We just like to fuck with each other."

"More like fuck each other."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi @crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the heart @vampviolets@haylee-e @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife

@officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy @myaloveee @thyris-is @lagataprrr @aaaaslaaaan @witxhy-lexx @minjix @luvroseee @tee-swizzle @savageneversaw @admiringlove @hysteriahall @piceous21 @starlightandfairies @igotmajordaddyissues @drewstarkey-wife1 @manyfandomsfanvergent @revesephemeres @bungunz

[foundthe8wing]

Okay, doing this over here because my main tumblr is usually a place for me to vibe and I don’t want all the bullshit tied to that account, but basically: I’m really angry and disappointed with the dndads cast for how they’ve put a lot of the minors in their fanbase in danger. Everything below is a repost from twitter (with permission from the OP, crypticjoy), and I’ll link the thread in a reblog. 

Under a cut because it’s long and potentially triggering (content warnings for grooming, sexualizing minors, and sexual assault)

[OP tagged the relevant cast accounts; I added slashes here bc I’m not sure if those same urls exist on tumblr and I don’t want to be randomly tagging people over here]

5:49 PM Sep 5, 2020

“I don’t usually do this, but: the way that the cast of @/dungeonsanddads engages with their audience is actively dangerous to minors, and they need to get it together. (cw for discussion of grooming, sexualizing minors, sexual assault)

First off, there are some iffy jokes and situations in the podcast itself. I’m not going to get into all of it right here, but have a google doc: [doc will also be linked in reblog]

Yes, the kids in #dndads are fictional, but that doesn’t mean this stuff doesn’t affect real kids listening. a. it normalizes talking/joking about kids in that way and b. There’s a lot of inconsistancy and confusion on the lines they draw--

Paeden saying “baby” is weird but Ron sitting in Terry Jr’s lap isn’t? I’m confused. You know who the fuck relies on that type of confusion and unclarity? Fucking predators

And I’m not saying every in-character decision has to be perfectly moral or acceptable, but the way the cast, out of character, discuss what’s weird and what’s not sends a lot of mixed messages. And that’s legitimately dangerous.

So then you take all of this, and you add a patron discord server that lets nsfw discussions run virtually unchecked--you create a fandom space that allows adults to discuss kinks, and porn searches, and just, all this other stuff, with teenagers...

... and it becomes a breeding ground for grooming and abuse.

The creators aren’t responsible for babysitting their fanbase or for how people engage with their content outside of their spaces (though, again, I’d urge them to be very careful about what kind of messages they’re sending)

But  they ARE responsible for taking basic steps to keep the spaces that THEY create and engage with safe.

“But the rules for the server say 18+!” The rules say you have to be 18 *or have parental permission.* They also say to keep things PG-13. That’s vastly different than establishing something as an adult-only/nsfw space.

“Minors shouldn’t be joining/listening anyway!” The cast can’t control who listens and neither can I, but there’s a difference between knowing teens are listening to you discuss sex with your adult friends vs facilitating conversations between teens and adults on those topics.

“If people are uncomfortable they can just leave.” First off, this situation isn’t just uncomfortable, it’s unSAFE. Second: fuck that. It’s not on minors to set and maintain boundaries about this stuff; a lot of them literally do not know how

Not because they’re stupid, but because they’re young and inexperienced. It’s the responsibility of adults to set and enforce healthy boundaries around sexual discussions, and this particular group of adults has done a fucking terrible job

(Maybe don’t encourage listeners to DM you about kinks! Maybe especially don’t do that when you’ve communicated, intentionally or not, that making and escalating sexual jokes is a really good way to get a reaction from you guys)

I get that they didn’t expect to have so many young listeners, but to be aware of that fact and make no adjustments whatsoever is irresponsible and it WILL lead to someone getting hurt. Does their “young, thirsty, female” audience only exist to them when they can laugh about it?

And let’s be absolutely 1000% clear: this isn’t an issue they’re unaware of. The stuff I’m talking about is an ongoing problem with how their server is run, but it came to a head with one specific situation very recently:

They released a bonus, patron-exclusive episode about the dads taking the bdsm test. Given the general state of the server, I was worried about where those discussions might lead, so before it dropped, I reached out to @/anthony_burch to express my concern

He told me he raised the issue with @/fwong and Ashley, meaning at least three members of the dndads team were aware of the situation, and decided it didn’t warrant any type of preemptive action on their part

(alternatively, it means Anthony lied, which would be a whole separate issue)

[Image ID: a discord DM conversation from Sep 1, 2020, between a crossed out username and reverendanthony. It reads: 

OP: heyyyyy have you guys considered that releasing an episode focused on the bdsm test is almost inevitably going to lead to a bunch of 15 year olds sharing their results in your server because you might want to get ahead of that before someone gets hurt

reverendanthony: oh holy shit, really good idea

OP: thanks, I know it's easy to veer into that territory just because of the nature of your show but I wanted to bring it to your attention because I figured you don't want to create a situation that's like, actively dangerous (and for the record I'm willing to discuss what I think would make it safer but I'm also not going to assume you want/need my input, obviously you can handle it however you see fit)

reverendanthony: No, thank you for bring it up, I really appreciate it -- I just raised the issue with Freddie and Ashley

OP: Good to know, thank you /End ID]

I’m not overreacting. I have seen this shit happen, to my friends and to myself, and watching the dndads cast take absolutely no meaningful action to prevent situations like that from occurring directly under their noses makes me fucking livid

I can guarantee that the #dungeonsanddaddies fanbase includes both predators and survivors of abuse, grooming, etc (including those currently living through it), and I need them to think very, very hard about which group they’re prioritizing.

And I need that choice to be evident through more than just their words, because it doesn’t fucking matter how much you “really appreciate” that I brought up my concerns if you do fuck-all to address them.

It doesn’t matter how many times you say the word “consent” if apparently everyone was okay that “Darryl gets sexually assaulted” was almost a plot point played for laughs.

(His dare from Scam  would have been rape, straight up. Just because no one said the word doesn’t mean it wasn’t coercive and gross).

I’d like to think the @/dungeonsanddads cast isn’t intentionally encouraging abuse, but they’re sure as hell enabling it, and they needed to get their shit together ages ago, because they’re not the ones their negligence hurts.”

Quote retweet by OP 6:51 PM Sep 7, 2020

“So, they updated the rules for the patron server, but I want to be really clear that from my perspective, it’s way too little, way too late. 

The new rules don’t adequately address the core issues and they certainly don’t absolve the cast of the harm they’ve already caused. 

[Tweet includes 2 screenshots: one of a bot asking people to click thumbs up to confirm they’re 18+ (or have a parent’s permission) and agree to the rules, and one that includes two of the rules. It reads: 

“This is an 18+ space. Them’s the rules: per Patreon’s policy, you must be 18+ or have parental permission.

Use language as if you’re at your parents dinner table. Don’t get people in trouble because of your SPICY POSTS. Keep conversation polite. NSFW content is not allowed!”]

(and before anyone says I should bring up my concerns privately, a quick refresher on how well that went last time I did it:) 

[links back to the “(alternatively, it means Anthony lied . . .)” tweet from the original thread]

So hey, @/fwong, some thoughts:

1.The rules are vague and unclear: what /exactly/ do you mean when you say “NSFW content is not allowed!” when the content of your show itself is so often nsfw? And how are you planning to enforce this?

Does it mean you’ll shut down the MBIC conversation that is literally just kink discussion? I need you to be clear on where the line is, because, again, predators rely on that confusion. Don’t give them a gray area to play in. 

For an example of a more clear policy, it’s pretty easy to say, “yep, ‘Henry gets pegged’ sure is a sentence we said on our show and you don’t have to pretend it’s not, but if you’d like to discuss it in any more detail at all, you need to move”

2. Remember how I said I needed to be clear on whether you’re prioritizing survivors or predators? While I doubt it was intentional, the language you’re using here is prioritizing predators.

It’s not “don’t get people in trouble,” it’s “don’t make people uncomfortable.” It’s “we all have a responsibility to make sure this space is safe for everyone, especially the younger members of the community.”

You’re setting people up to be afraid of expressing concerns for fear of “getting people in trouble” or “inciting unnecessary drama.” Even if it’s not what YOU meant, it’s very easy for those words to be manipulated, so +

You absolutely have to be explicitly clear that if someone expresses their discomfort, you’ve got their back. Being safe is more important than being polite. 

3. I need every cast member to take responsibility for their own actions. I’ve gotten no indication from any of you that you understand the ways in which the in-show things I brought up were harmful.

Acknowledging that harm is important not just because of the immediate effects of that content, but also because it implicitly sets an example for how similar complaints should be dealt with going forward.

When someone says “hey, I was uncomfortable that you seem fine with the Glennary ship, because she reads as very young to me,” I don’t need a dissertation on how the perception of characters can evolve due to your improvisational nature

I need to hear “oh, I interpreted her differently, but you’re right, we should have been more clear, and I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.” Because your responses to your own mistakes set the tone for any other situations like that going forward.

How comfortable is someone going to be with coming to you, or Ash, or any of the mods about someone making them uncomfortable if they’ve seen that when people call YOU out, they’re argued with and shut down?

Don’t tell people you’ve “made it clear that you won’t go there” when they tell you that you ARE there. Listen to them and do better. 

Set the expectation that people will be respected when they raise their concerns. “If you want to come at me you have to bring the heat” is not an appropriate response on a subject that made people genuinely uncomfortable. 

In essence: set people up to be supported and protected, not dismissed. 

[It’s like a matriosche of tweets over here. This one links to another thread, also by crypticjoy. That thread reads:

A non-comprehensive guide to keeping discord servers safe for minors:

1. Make designated channels for nsfw/18+ discussion. Generally speaking, this is a lot more effective than banning those discussions altogether, because it’s a lot easier to say “hey, can you move this conversation?” than “hey, I need you to stop”

In fandom spaces, it’s usually a good idea to have separate channels for talking about nsfw fiction vs discussing your personal sex lives.

2. Give everyone minor/adult roles; make sure your 18+ channels are locked to people who don’t have an adult role. It’s important that there’s more of a barrier there than just checking a box.

3. NSFW channels shouldn’t necessarily be a free-for-all; be aware of people’s boundaries and respect them (for example, r*pe jokes aren’t funny or okay, even if you’re not making them around kids)

4. Explicitly state in your rules that people should feel free to come to mods if anyone is making them uncomfortable. Actually listen to people and resolve the situation if they do approach you.

5. Make it clear that creepy behavior via DMs or other means is also not tolerated--you can’t control what people do outside your server, but you can make the choice to not allow people like that in your space

6. Make sure mods are on top of things BEFORE people have to say anything; sometimes being a mod means being willing to be the “asshole” who shuts things down before they get out of hand, even if they’re not asked.

Be generally aware of signals that people are uncomfortable or that things are escalating too far, and address those situations sooner rather than later.

*It should be noted that safety involves a lot of components beyond just containing nsfw discussions; this thread just happens to be focused on that one specific element.

oh also! It's a good idea to provide resources on grooming so people know what to look out for [links to some resources; again, this’ll be in the reblog]]

So, @/dungeonsanddads, if you’re interested in anything beyond just having a flimsy excuse you can point to to cover your own ass, I’m gonna need you to try again.

Sorry I can’t be nicer about it, but I’ve given so many benefits of the doubt I could be running a successful charity, and this isn’t an issue I’m willing to drop. 

10:02 PM

Thought I was done but actually I've got a few more questions: to what extent were @/HeyBethMay, @/WillBCampos, and @/mattLarnold included in conversations about this issue/the new rules? Is this something your whole team is involved in?

Have you discussed what you're doing on a team and individual basis to keep your fan interactions safe, and are you on the same page about how much it matters? Are you holding each other accountable? Is everyone okay with where this ended up?”

[xmxisxforxmaybe]

Decryption_Error: “Master Mind”

Summary: Elliot gets fired and Y/N blames herself. She begs a part of Elliot for help as she is faced with the reality of the lengths Mr. Robot will go to in order to protect Elliot. 

A/N: The final chapter picks up right after this chapter : )

Decryption_Error: All Chapters

Word Count: 6022

One week and four days.

That’s how close we came to our one-year anniversary.

As it turned out, we actually did spend Memorial Day weekend together, but instead of being cozied up while basking in the success of our love, I had watched as Elliot was escorted out of my parents’ house in handcuffs.  

I had always considered myself to be an intelligent, well-rounded person who practiced introspection enough to identify and work on accepting my shortcomings. I could be quite critical of myself at times, but when I had gone through counseling, my therapist helped me understand that people judge themselves through an almost cruel critical lens: once I could accept I was my own harshest critic, I could move forward instead of getting sucked back into a cycle of persecution.

Elliot and I had often talked about self-persecution, but I now understood that it wasn’t just his voice that criticized him. He literally had other selves within that were passing judgement and carrying out their own agendas.

And one of those selves was about to end my relationship with Elliot, all thanks to one of my shortcomings.

Another thing I considered myself to be was more than just my father’s daughter; I had worked all through my 20s to become an individual, to become someone more than just a last name. Nepotism was normal in my world, but something about it always sat uneasy with me. Hemingway wrote about that feeling; he said immorality was anything that “made you disgusted afterwards.”

The more advantages I saw being dished out to people like myself from parents with means made me think about Hemingway’s definition of immorality. I didn’t want to walk through life with a stomach full of disgust, so I set goals with the intent of making a good life for myself and helping those I could.

My father encouraged his children to live with integrity, to practice selflessness, and most importantly, he taught us to be hungry. He encouraged us to fight against complacency because he remembered what it was to be hungry; he remembered what it was to want something, to work for it, and he remembered how meaningful it was to find a purpose.

I knew that was why Kathleen became a doctor. I knew that was why Erin became a lawyer. And I knew that was why Charlie became a teacher.

And I knew that was why I worked at a cybersecurity firm, a business that had the sole intent of providing protection. I had my purpose.  

But in that way of upbringing, my father inadvertently bred naivety. I thought more people were like us, especially those of us with financial excess. I knew about nepotism, about greed, about entitlement, but I didn’t really understand those things until Elliot was fired from CIStech.

Ali Olayan.

He was not like me. He was not like my family.

I had read Corey as the greatest threat to Elliot’s well-being, but I had read wrong.

Beneath Ali’s nonchalant exterior lived the kind of antagonist I had thought only existed in the movies; Ali lived and breathed his privilege, believing that he could craft whatever narrative he wanted for any person he chose. This was Ali’s world, and we were all just living in it.

Ali was never taught to know hunger, never taught to be selfless or encouraged to become something other than what he was. In his mind, he was already something.

It was entirely too late when I finally figured out that the resolution of the incident in the server room sat inside of Ali’s mind like a tick. And the more he thought, the bigger that parasite grew, the more unsettled Ali became that a nobody like Elliot Alderson had caused a disruption in his worldview.

To Ali, it had been a joke, not unlike one his own friends may have inflicted on countless of their schoolmates. Ali knew things like that were a joke because he had never been punished. And if there had never been a consequence for his actions, then he had never been wrong.

Until I told him he was wrong.

Until I gave him a consequence.

I had assumed that because Ali’s family was strict and that because Ali was respectful during his discipline hearing that he understood right and wrong. Instead, being reprimanded attacked his ego by opening up his mind to a barrage of things he had never cared to think about before, including morality.

The tick fattened inside of him, fostering Ali’s need for revenge.

* * * * *

Pursing my lips as I proofread my email one more time, I threw a nasty glance at my phone as it interrupted me.

By the third ring, I couldn’t ignore the compulsion to answer it, so I abandoned my email and picked up the phone.

“Yes?” I said, not bothering to glance at the ID as I saved my email as a draft.

“You need to get down here.”

“JaLeah? What is it?”

“Now, Y/N! Get down here now,” she pleaded.

“I’m on my way,” I said as I stood and hung up the phone, my mind working to process the bizarre demand of a woman I had never known to be frazzled by anything. Even the hacks hadn’t gotten her to break her calm.

“Hold my calls and cancel my 4:00,” I said with a single breath as I rushed past my secretary’s desk and to the elevator. My heel caught in the gap, and I almost stumbled face first into the glass. As I pushed for CIStech’s floor, I realized my fingers were shaking.

Elliot.

No. He would’ve at least texted me if something was up. This can’t be about him.

It’s not about him.

I tried to logic out my anxiety, reminding myself that if I let those thoughts rush forward, I wouldn’t be able to think critically.

The office collectively turned to watch my arrival, and I didn’t need time to wonder why. I could hear the muffled shouting coming from within Tim’s office.  

“Don’t,” I commanded Jayne as she reached for the intercom to announce my arrival.

Jayne sank back in her chair, her hand still hovering over the intercom as I pushed into what used to be my office—the one where I interviewed Elliot with Colin and JaLeah, where Colin, goddamn him, said that getting too close to Elliot Alderson probably never ended well for anyone.

Even as he stood with his back to the door, I could feel Elliot’s anger the second I walked in. Dread danced down my spine as I took a deep breath and wondered if this was the same Elliot-yet-not-Elliot I had met a month ago.

Tim looked up from his position at the table, his lips pressed into a thin line as he looked at me then back to his irate employee. Next to Tim sat Ali, with a smug look of satisfaction on his face.  

“You—are firing me?” Elliot raged, and just by the tone of his voice, I knew my instinct was right; this wasn’t him.

“What’s going on?” I interrupted, causing this version of Elliot to whirl around and Ali’s smugness to turn from quietly distasteful to outrightly repulsive.

As not-Elliot looked at me, I was shocked at how the anger seemed to morph his features. His jaw was tight its angularity more pronounced; his mouth was much smaller as his lips were pressed against his teeth; his eyes were big and unnerving, but the thing that nearly made me falter was that this Elliot seemed to take up so much more space. It was intimidating.

I had thought I was afraid of the side of Elliot who protected him, but I was even more afraid to realize how little I knew about this side of him.

“You can’t save him this time,” Ali said, drawing both my attention and not-Elliot’s again as his tone reflected that repulsive smirk I wanted to knock off his face.

To Ali Olayan, this was a game of revenge.

“Tim—explain.”

“Don’t listen to them,” not-Elliot growled out, his lips barely moving as I brushed past him to take the open seat on the other side of Tim.

“Sit down,” I bit back, our eyes locking for a moment before he dropped his gaze. Not-Elliot yanked out the chair and sat, a huff of breath escaping when he crossed his arms, his anger occupying a fifth seat at the table.

“Last week, Ali suggested I take a look at the data on the employee performances he ran,” Tim began. “And the results were concerning—"

“Fucking bullshit,” not-Elliot muttered, as he sullenly slumped in his chair like a teenager being disciplined.

I ignored his comment and told Tim to continue.

“The results were concerning because Alderson’s performance didn’t exactly decline so much as nosedive. It made me wonder how someone could go from 100 to 10 in the course of a few weeks.”

“Perhaps a mitigating personal circumstance, Tim. Did you consider that?” I said, trying to both avoid and use the lie about Elliot’s mother.

Tim angled his laptop toward me and clicked on the open tab beside the performance eval.

“Whatever Mr. Alderson has been doing at work, hasn’t been our work.”

Elliot moved quickly, uncrossing his arms and reaching out to slam the lid of Tim’s laptop shut.

“Your work? Your work?! This is just the sort of shit that some data jockey would pull out of their fucking asshole,” not-Elliot said, his speech slurred with irritation as he jerked back and stood, his chair wobbling from the force of his movement.

“And that’s not even the worst part of coming in to this fuckhole every day. No. It’s seeing people like you in positions of power,” he said as he whirled on Ali.

“You reek of nepotism, of never having to work for any fucking thing in your life. A script kiddie! You’ve never written an exploit from scratch in your fucking life. Relying on pulling code from Metasploit or some shit. And what’s the real fuckall of it is that you can’t code and yet you are sitting here, shitting on me, because of something YOU did! I didn’t lock myself in that server room. I didn’t think it was a fucking joke and neither did anyone but you and the other self-centered cunts you call your friends. So fuck you!”

The one who raged for Elliot stopped then, teeth bared, chest rising and falling as his hands ran once, twice through his hair before they dropped to his sides, his fingers flexing before balling into fists.  

I didn’t take my eyes off of not-Elliot as I asked, “And no one thought to ask for my input? In case you forgot, I am the General Manager and am in charge of CIStech—not either of you.”

I pulled my eyes away from not-Elliot’s and looked at Ali and at Tim. Ali had lost his smirk and Tim’s hairline was beaded with sweat.

“Well?” I prompted, my own voice rising.

“The--the data doesn’t lie,” Tim finally said quietly. “Mr. Alderson has been using company time to execute his own projects. It’s outlined as one of the most clear grounds for dismissal in the contract every employee signs when they’re hired.”

“I’m aware,” I said with a sigh, knowing he was right. If Elliot, or whoever he was, actually was using company time to work on another project, there was nothing I could do to protect him.

“What have you been working on, Elliot?”

Elliot was so angry that he actually shivered as he turned to me, his body going absolutely rigid.

I waited.

And he silently seethed.

I stood up, not-Elliot’s eyes watching my movement, not my face. I got as close to him as I dared, but when I reached out, my fingertips barely ghosting the cuff of his shirt, he snapped.

“Fuck you,” he growled out, closing the distance between us so he was inches from my face. When our eyes met, the rage that burned in this Elliot’s eyes broke something deep inside of me. “You’ve always just been one of them.”

And with those words, that broken thing shattered.

Not-Elliot ripped off his ID badge and tossed it onto the table. He didn’t look back as he yanked open Tim’s door, the doorknob slamming into the wall. I watched as muted grey chunks of painted plaster fell onto the floor.

I wanted to run after him.

I wanted to beg not-Elliot to let go of his anger.

I wanted to tell him, all of him, that I still loved him.

But I couldn’t.

I had to set the tone for the company.

I had to swallow the acid that burned in my throat as I looked at Ali.

Ali.

I tilted my chin up as I walked forward and calmly shut the door to Tim’s office.

“You targeted him,” I said slowly and clearly without turning around.  

“That’s a wild accusation, Ms. Y/L/N,” Ali replied, not bothering to hide the triumph in his voice.

“You targeted him,” I repeated as I coolly turned on my heel and walked back to the table. “You orchestrated this.”

“How the hell was I supposed to know Alderson would lose his mind—”

“Show me the data on the rest of the white hats.”

“What?” Ali asked, his eyes narrowing.

“Show me the exact same reports and their time stamps for all of the white hats on your team.”

The palpable rage that had lingered in the room morphed into an uncomfortable, equally palpable silence as Tim and I both waited for Ali to answer.

“Ali,” Tim prompted.

We waited again, the silence condemning Ali’s actions as it dug his grave.

“That’s what I thought,” I said in a low, dangerous tone. “I don’t give a damn who your parents are. You’re fired.”

“You can’t—”

“Watch me.”

I turned from their eyes and walked out of Tim’s office, my chin still raised as I stared directly ahead and made my way up to HR.

Not exactly the office to take kindly to intrusions, I did finally relax my posture into a more humble stance as I approached Alison Shaye.

She and I had been through quite a lot thanks to the hack on Colin and with one look at my face, she ushered me in and shut the door.

After two hours, thirteen phone calls, a visit from Miles and from three members of the board, CIStech officially ended its relationship with Ali Olayan.

I shook Alison’s hand, then made my way back to Tim’s office, the stragglers who hadn’t left at 5:00 taking a wide berth to avoid me as they finally cleared out for the evening.

“Ali will need replaced, effective Monday. I think it’s time to switch JaLeah from application security to network security so she can oversee the white hats.”

Tim’s eyes were unwilling to meet mine as I talked; he nodded and made a note, finally finding his voice as I reached the door to his office.

“I—I had no idea he was going to … that he would’ve reacted like—”

“You could’ve told me,” I said without turning around.

“Ali convinced me you’d only go over my head to make it all disappear. I … wanted to be fair. I thought I was doing the right thing.”

I raised my head and looked up at the ceiling, completely drained. I turned to face Tim, knowing my face reflected the defeat I felt.

“I’m not sure when I lost my reputation of being a person of integrity. Maybe it was when I started dating my employee. Maybe I never really had it to begin with because Dad’s face is hanging in the lobby. Whoever I thought I was, I’m clearly not. If my SM was unable or unwilling to come to me, I failed. It’s not your fault, Tim. It’s mine.”

I bit my lip as I stepped into the empty elevator, redirecting the pain in my heart so I wouldn’t start crying.

When I finally reached my desk, I picked up my phone and stared at it.

There was no point in calling Elliot because he wasn’t Elliot right now.

Darlene.

I was numb when I pushed her name, almost forgetting to raise the phone to my ear as I walked over to the window in my office, the sky slightly overcast as yet another late spring sky played the will I or won’t I rain game. It felt like an eternity had passed since I had met with Miles in his office and looked out of his near-top floor view and wondered what it would be like to leave this world, to leave Wall Street and to never look back.

“Helloooo?” Darlene’s voice trilled with its characteristic hint of annoyance at being disturbed even though she probably wasn’t doing much of anything.

“Hey, Dar. It’s Y/N.”

“Um, duh,” she said slowly, a slight trill of laughter accompanying her words.

I wanted to laugh with her at my own obviousness, but there was nothing left inside of me except the dead weight of dismay.

“Elliot got fired today.”

Silence—how much tense silence could a person endure in one day?

“You fired him?” Darlene finally said, her voice full of trepidation.

“I had nothing to do with it.”

“What the fuck?!”

“Elliot’s been … multitasking. His job performance over the last two months has tanked, and whatever he’s been doing for the last month hasn’t been what we’ve been paying him to do.”

I waited.  

“I’m sorry, Darlene. This was out of my hands.”

“You know what, fuck you,” she said, her tone shifting from concern for her brother to anger at me. “You pushed him because YOU wanted him to be normal. You wanted him to fit into your fucking high-class, black tie, ‘I’m having a social because I’m so rich and so fucking bored’ lifestyle. Elliot never wanted to be a part of that. You knew it and you pushed him into it.”

I listened as Darlene ranted. I owed her that. I owed Elliot that.

All of this was my fault.

“What? Nothing to say because you can’t talk your way through this one with your cool, calm, logic prevails because I’m rich and never have had to worry about any goddamn thing in my life bullshit?”

“I’m sorry. I know this is my fault, and I know I can never understand what the two of you have been through but I do love him,” I paused. “And you too, Darlene.”

“I need to talk to Elliot,” she mumbled as she hung up.  

I wiped at the tear that had escaped and was leaking down the side of my nose. I had too much to do to cry now, and I’d be damned if I was going to break down in my office.

Before gathering up my tote, I checked my email to make sure Ali was officially let go. I made a few notes for Monday as I continued to fight back tears, and when I clicked the lights off in my office, it felt like I had also turned off something within myself, something that was not going to be as easy as flicking a switch to turn back on.

I stopped at my apartment to change into sneakers, jeans, and an oversized sweater. Despite it being late May, the overcast weather made it chilly and I didn’t know how late I would be out. I threw my wallet, my keys, and my phone into my mini-backpack.

I checked my phone during the train ride and frowned as I saw a missed call from my dad. One thing that you could always count on in the cooperate world was that gossip traveled faster than the speed of light.

A part of me had filled with the ridiculous hope that Elliot would be at his place, waiting for me, but when I opened the door and stopped in the entry to listen for any sound to indicate he was there, I was struck by a resounding quiet … until I heard a series of quick sniffles.

I stepped far enough into Elliot’s to see Darlene sitting on the edge of his bed, rubbing at the traces of tears on her face.

“It’s not him,” she said, pressing the back of her hand to her mouth.

“I know. Where did he go?”

She looked up at me, her eyes wide and teary, her anxiety as palpable now as her brother’s rage was a few hours ago.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she said reaching for her backpack that had been flung beside the bed. She scrambled to her feet and started stuffing some of Elliot’s clothes into her bag along with a few things from his bookshelf, including a few old polaroids.

“Don’t give up on him,” I pleaded, repeating what she’d more than once asked of me.  

Darlene let out a frustrated growl as she flung off the papers, books, and CDs that had been sitting on the edge of Elliot’s bookshelf. They crashed to the ground and she brought her boot down on them in a stomp.

“I’m done, Y/N! I’m not his fucking keeper. I’m not going to sit here and watch him fuck his stupid life up again!”

The mess on Elliot’s floor crunched as she walked over to reach high up into his closet; she pulled down a worn game of Sorry! and wrenched off the lid, exposing a wad of cash. She took a little over half of it, then put the box back.

“I’m doing what he told me to do and getting the fuck out of his life.”

“You’re the one who told me it wasn’t him. You told me not to listen to him when he’s like this!”

“I was wrong.”

“Darlene,” I said, grabbing her upper arms and forcing her to stop moving. “I know what’s wrong with him. He has—"

“I know, Y/N! And I know something happened to him but I can’t help him because he won’t tell me what it was. I can’t fix it. YOU can’t fix it. No one can fucking fix it!”

Darlene brushed past me as my mouth fell open. I always suspected she knew more than she ever said out loud, but maybe that was what kept her sane. Elliot’s truth wasn’t something Darlene was ready to face.

“Where are you going?” I quietly asked.

“The fuck out of this city,” she murmured before turning around to look at me.

We were standing face to face, both of us with tracks of tears on our faces. I didn’t know what to say to her as she looked at me, so vulnerable and so young.

“I’m s-sorry,” I said, choking on the emotion of my apology.

“I didn’t mean what I said on the phone,” she answered, a fresh tear falling from the corner of her eye.  

“You’re pissed,” I shrugged. “And hurting.”

“You didn’t deserve—”

“It’s okay,” I said with a small smile. “You and I are good. We will always be good. Will you remember that for me? Please?”

Darlene took a deep breath and nodded, her lips quirking into an awkward smile. I moved forward and pulled her into a fierce hug.

“Take care of yourself,” I whispered into her hair as she clung to me.

She nodded again, pulling away and quickly moving to the door. She pulled it open and stepped into the hall, but before Darlene could close the door, I asked, “Is there anywhere he would go?”

“Coney Island,” she said after a long pause. “There … or that museum in Queens, the one with the layout of the city.”

“I remember. Thank you.”

Darlene bit the back half of her bottom lip, looking unnervingly like her brother as she nodded.

“I’ll see you. Soon,” I added with emphasis.

Her eyes flicked to my face as she shut the door, and I was left alone to just stare at the off-white of Elliot’s front door, unable to imagine the pain she carried from having to grow up much too fast.

With a shiver a turned away from the door as a flash of Elliot, looking just as vulnerable as Darlene, flitted through my mind. He had stood right there, and I had crossed the line when I kissed him, pulling him into my life, whether he was ready for it or not.

When I broke my gaze, I turned around to look at Elliot’s computer. I was struck with that same strong pull as I was on the night I had first met the angry version of Elliot. From my research, I knew a person’s psyche developed personalities that had specific jobs to do within their system. I knew who Elliot’s protector was—that was obvious. And now I knew that there was this other, this Elliot, but not Elliot. He was angry and hurting, curious and almost more alive at times than Elliot. He was so raw, almost like he was much newer to the world than his grizzled protector.

I was now certain it was him I had slept with a month ago. My mind was whirring with the idea of going to bed with one person and waking up with another, but again, I had to force myself to focus. None of these questions and feelings would matter if I never saw Elliot again, but maybe I could use my connection with his angry persona to get him back again.

I was struck with a sense of urgency, like the walls were closing in and I knew, knew I had to talk to him.

Instead of stepping back this time, I slid out of Elliot’s chair and sat down. When I turned on the monitor, Elliot was still logged in. I couldn’t believe my good luck, and as I got to work, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe my Elliot wanted me to find him, to bring him back again.

It didn’t take long to triangulate his data transmissions to Coney Island, and again, it felt too easy.

I transferred the location to my phone and hurried to the subway.

I kept watching for Elliot’s location to change, but it really didn’t move for the 45 minutes it took the train to get out to the beach.

Daylight was fading fast and as I walked along the boardwalk, a few of the lamps flickered on. I wove my way through the light foot traffic and kept an eye out for Elliot’s dark hair and the light green dress shirt he had been wearing—

That I saw on his bedroom floor, next to the pile of stuff Darlene had stomped.

I finally spotted him sitting in the sand, the black of his hoodie a perfect contrast to the beige of the beach. His eyes were trained on the water as the wind ruffled his hair. His arms encircled his knees and he was twirling what looked like a small stick of driftwood between his fingers.  

“How did you find me?” he asked without turning to look at me.

I sat down, my body stiff and aching from an exhaustion I was sure to feel for days. I pulled my sweater tight around my body as I felt the cool air from the water drift up along the beach.

“I don’t know what to do this time,” I said, wondering which Elliot I was talking to. I didn’t feel a radiating anger or an icy coolness, but without looking into his eyes, I just wasn’t sure.

“Walk away.”

“I don’t want to walk away. We knew this would be hard—I knew this would be hard. The answer can’t be to just quit.”

“I’m tired, Y/N.”

I waited, watching his face and silently praying he’d turn to look at me so I’d know.

“I’m tired of fighting with …”

“Just say it,” I pressed softly. “Holding back at this point is almost laughable.”

“With him,” he finished, his eyes still staring forward.  

“He hates me,” I stated, thinking that whether it was his protector or the angry one, I couldn’t go wrong since they had both told me to fuck off and Elliot had let it happen. Maybe he really felt those things, too.

I leaned back and let my hands sink into the cool sand as I waited for him to answer.

“He doesn’t hate you. He’s scared of you.”

“Scared of me?”

“Of what you might force Elliot to remember.”

So this is still the angry one.

“You really do love him, don’t you?” he questioned, finally turning to look at me.

And as sure as the sun was about to set, I could tell that the person looking at me was not the Elliot I had fallen in love with. I looked into not-Elliot’s eyes for as long as he allowed. They were the same eyes from this afternoon that had told me to fuck off and the same eyes that had burned with longing that night in Elliot’s apartment.

“We’ve met—I mean, before you told me to fuck off today.”

His cheeks colored and he suddenly became very interested in the small piece of driftwood that was still twirling through his fingers.

“Are you serious right now? After the things we did, you’re going to play shy?”

He turned to me, a fraction of a smile on his lips.

“If it helps, I do like you. And I’m sorry for what I said today. I can’t … control myself very well.”

As I watched him twirl that piece of driftwood back and forth through the same fingers as my Elliot, the same fingers that had caressed my face, that had held my hand, that had reached for me in the dark, I felt like I aged a thousand years.

Those fingers now belonged to a stranger.  

When he spoke up, my eyes returned to his face.

“Mr. Robot would rather Elliot focus on Angela. He prefers her because she can’t love him like you do—he thinks she’s safe for him … for us.”

“Mr. Robot is the name of Elliot’s protector?”

“Yes, although he doesn’t like me,” not-Elliot said as he flashed me a crooked grin.

“Why?”

“He doesn’t trust me.”

“Will you tell me who you are?”

His face scrunched up as he thought, his mouth opening, then closing.

“I—I’m not sure. I’ve always just thought of myself as Elliot. Well, as a part of him. This control … it’s new for me.”

I wondered if people who were close to those with DID felt like talking to an alter was surreal. I knew, from the top of my head to the tip of my toes that this was not my Elliot, yet it was him—a part of him he needed.

“All of that uncertainty, the lost time, the conflict … that’s what Elliot has to carry within himself. Isn’t that worse than … what happened to him?”

“He forgets. Or …” Not-Elliot trailed off.

“Or?”

“I think of myself as Elliot, but I’m better than him at a lot of things. It’s always been my job to keep him occupied when Mr. Robot needs to take over, so I create places for him to go.”

“Occupied? So Elliot is … where is he now?”

“He’s in an emergency session with Dr. Horton.”  

“Oh,” I said in a low voice, my chest feeling tight. “All this time … he hasn’t really been going to therapy.”

“In a manner of speaking, he has been. Things have gotten better, haven’t they?”

Not-Elliot’s voice was like a buzz in my ear as my mind sped through the last month and a half.

“He must have hacked someone and gotten those anxiety meds.”

“I did that.”

“You hack, too?” I said, the buzzing in my ears subsiding as I clutched the sand painfully beneath my hands to remind myself that now wasn’t the time to get lost in my thoughts.

“I am the hacker,” Not-Elliot said with a perfect three-point grin, the very same one Elliot made.  

“Don’t do that—please don’t look like him,” I begged as tears formed in my eyes.

He looked away, a deep frown settling in the place of his smile.

“When is Elliot coming back?”

“He can’t come back while you’re here.”

“Why?”

“It confuses him. Creates more work for us.”

“I don’t fucking care!”  

Not-Elliot huffed, a quiet half-laugh that was nearly carried away by the breeze.

“Can you … communicate with him?”

“I don’t have as much control as Mr. Robot. My thoughts … can get mixed up with Elliot’s. That’s how he knew he got fired. Sometimes—”

“What?”

“Sometimes, it feels like I am more him than he is.”

“I know, without a doubt, you are not him. Elliot isn’t angry; he isn’t mean.”

He looked at me, his eyes filled with sadness.

“When can I see Elliot again?” I pressed.

“Do you really want to see him again? After everything he’s done?”

“I love him.”

Not-Elliot shook his head.

“You have to let him go. This isn’t over until Mr. Robot says it is.”

“What isn’t over? What does Mr. Robot want? What if I can help?”

Not-Elliot bit his lip, and he looked just like Elliot again, a conflict clearly going on beneath his exterior.

“You forget even more quickly than Elliot does—you are the bug in our system.”

My hands were shaking as I brought them together to brush off the sand. I stood up, feeling sick.

“Even you know enough about computers to know the steps for removing a bug.”

Enter safe mode to remove the bug, delete temporary files, reinstall damaged software or files, increase defense.

“If you’re Elliot’s safe mode, Mr. Robot is going to delete me.”

My legs felt like they were going to give away, and I knew I needed to leave before I lost my mind. Elliot was right here, right in front of me, and a piece of him was going to destroy the last year of his life—of my life.

I took a step back as Not-Elliot watched me. I turned away from him, but I was suddenly seized by a wild desperation.

I rushed back and dropped to my knees on the sand in front of him, almost throwing him off balance as he braced his feet and turned toward me.

Not-Elliot’s mouth was shaped in an oh of surprise as I leaned in to kiss him.

I clutched the front of his hoodie and I kissed him with all the love I felt for Elliot. I kissed him as the last bit of daylight faded to black, as the waves crashed on to the beach, and as the insistent spring wind swirled around us, grains of sand dancing against our exposed skin.  

“I—I’m—I’m not him,” he stammered as soon as he his opened eyes to look into mine.

“I know. But … why can’t I love you, too? Why can’t we work together to help Elliot?”

Not-Elliot and I looked at each other for a long, long time, the lamps on the boardwalk popping on to bathe us in a ghostly light.

“All I want is to be happy with Elliot. I’ve never been in love like this before—I don’t care how many parts of Elliot there are … I’ll love them all. Just please, please don’t let Mr. Robot get rid of all the happiness I know Elliot has felt this year.”

“I have to go,” he said, his head moving back and forth, his eyes large and confused. “Let him go, Y/N. Do us all a favor and just let him go.”

Not-Elliot pushed my hands off of him and walked away quickly, his lithe frame dipping into the small throng of people who were headed toward the arcades as the boardwalk lit up for the night.

He never looked back.

Tags: @sherlollydramoine​ @rami-malek-trash​ @teamwolf2411 @limabein​ @txmel​​ @alottanothing​​ @ouatlovr @backoftheroomandnotbelonging​​ @moon-stars-soul​​ @free-rami​ @ramimedley​​ @hopplessdreamer​​ @sweet-charmie @polarcrystall​​ @hah0106​​ @clumsybookworm18​​ @diasimar​​ @ramisgirl512​​ @aboutthatmelancholystorm​​

[lenniewip]

Unknown (A Sterek Wrong Number/Celebrity AU)

11.09 PM Unknown Number

>I’m writing songs about you again.

11.20 PM Unknown Number

>its stiles btw.

>in case you deleted my number

>I did.

>I mean I deleted yours.

>but I still remember it apparently

11:41 PM Unknown Number

>I only have 2 lines so far

11:57 PM Unknown Number

>I bleed you from my veins.

>I grieve you like I love you.

>alone.

>its better with the chords.

>u were always better at writing lyrics than me

12:34 AM Unknown Number

>u were better everything than me

2:00 AM Unknown Number

>I hate that I miss you

2:07 AM Unknown Number

>do u want to hook up?

>I promise not to propose again

2:15 AM Unknown Number

>im sorry.

>ignore me.

>im drinking

Derek blinked bleary eyes. His phone screen was the only source of light in his room, as he read through the flurry text messages.

What the hell is a Stiles?

2:17 AM Unknown Number

<I think you have the wrong number

>Lydia?

<no

>oh thank fuck

>I mean

>I’m sorry

>for disturbing ur sleep

>but im just glad I didn’t drunk text my ex all of this

>bullet dodged right?

>is this what near death experiences feel like?

<I wouldn’t know.

>of course

>hey

>seeming as I have you here can I ask you a quick q?

>all my friends are asleep

<probably because its 3am

<everyone’s asleep

>2.39

>and ur not

>asleep that is

>so?

>I’ll take your silence as a go ahead

>what do you think?

>of the lyrics

<im the wrong person to ask

>never experienced heartbreak?

<no

<all song lyrics just look like bad poetry to me

>oh

>yeah I guess it does

>not everyone can be Rupi Kaur tho right?

<do you want to be rupi kaur?

>sure

>not to be dramatic or anything

>but

>I want to be anyone but me

>think id rather be someone like regina spektor tho

<regina spektor?

>singer/song writer

>shes my fucking inspiration

>her lyrics are like poetry to me

>you should listen to her music

<I dont really listen to music

>what the fuck?

>are you an alien?

<no?

>nice fucking try ET

>thats exactly what an alien would say

<…you got me there

>akdjfen

>is this you admitting I was right?

<no

<but this is me going to bed

<because its now 4AM

>already?

>fuck

>ive got an early start tomorrow

>good night random stranger

>and thanks

>for listening

>or reading ig

<good night

//

“You’re late.” Laura frowned, arms crossed.

“Are you going to let me in?” Derek grumbled, still feeling the affects of having stayed up until 4AM the previous night.

Laura didn’t argue she just stepped aside to let him through into her flat. “You’re grumpier than usual.” She noted.

“Didn’t sleep well.”

Derek hated the look she gave him then.

The look that said he was broken. The look that said she wanted to fix him.

“Is…Is it the nightmares again?” Laura’s voice dipped to a whisper, like the question alone would be enough to send him over the edge.

“No.”

An awkward silence defended over the two of them, neither knowing what to say.

Derek clung to the silence like a blanket, wishing things could go back to how they used to be. Back to when they knew how to speak to one another.

But this was enough.

It was enough to know that they were both trying. Failing. But trying.

//

2:40 PM Laura

>I’m here if you need to talk.

//

Derek isn’t good at art, but sometimes it’s the only way he can express himself. Words had never been his forte.

So instead he doodles.

Shitty toddler level doodles that he never shows anyone.

Sometimes he thinks if he could bring himself to show Laura she would like it. Maybe she would even understand it.

But there was a bigger chance that she wouldn’t, and he would feel even more like a stranger to his own sister than he already was.

//

10:18 PM Unknown Number

>I don’t remember it anymore

<You have the wrong number again

>No

>This is ‘not Lydia’ right?

<right

>So here’s the thing.

>I always thought if I needed to text her I could

>And I thought maybe I got her number wrong because I was drunk

>But I can’t remember it anymore

<Oh.

>I have some of her things still

>I don’t think I’ll ever get to return it now

>Unless she messages me first

<When did you two break up?

>Last year

>and I know what you’re thinking

>’it’s October’

>and I should be over her by now

>Trust me I know

>So you don’t need to lecture me

<I wasn’t going to

>Oh

<Stiles?

>That’s weird

<what is?

>I forgot I told you my name

<You should throw away the stuff she left behind.

>you’re right

>I don’t like it.

>but you’re right

>…thanks

<What for?

>for listening

>reading**

>my friends are pretty sick of hearing me complain

>so this is nice

<sure

<anytime

>dope

>no take backsies

<am I going to regret this?

>for definite

>you’re stuck with me now

//

That night Derek saves Stiles’ number as ‘Bad Poet’.

//

Stiles keeps messaging after that.

Stiles messages like they’ve been friends for years, and Derek very determinedly does not analyse why it is he always responds.

Even when there are messages dated from Laura from three days ago that he hasn’t even been able to bring himself to open yet.

He also ignores how when he’s messaging Stiles the gaping pit that had made residence in his chest feels just a little less inescapable.

//

Derek can’t bring himself to tell Stiles his name. He can’t bring himself open up, even though there’s a large part of him that wants to.

He’s not above admitting he’s scared.

//

Derek draws Stiles sometimes.

More accurately he draws a vague pair hands texting on a phone, because he has no idea what Stiles actually looks like.

Derek refuses to let himself dwell on that though, because they are happy drawings.

The pictures of Stiles are pretty much his only happy drawings right now.

//

They don’t always talk about Lydia.

Sometimes Stiles messages Derek song lyrics he’s working on.

Other times it’s memes, or just a bunch of emojis.

Once Stiles had just messaged him what Derek could only assume was a list of everything he had eaten that day.

Sometimes Stiles messages in rambles - and Derek can’t always keep up with the boy’s run away thoughts, but even then he never feels lost the way he does when he’s trying to interact with literally anyone else.

And sometimes it’s 2AM. Those are simultaneously Derek’s favourite and least favourite texts.

//

2:02 AM Bad Poet

>sometimes I feel like too much

>and too little

>at the same time

>u ever feel like that ET?

<not really

>its like I’m infinite, and meaningless

>like a never ending echo

>or a recurring decimal

>I just stretch on and on forever but theres no point to it

>I have no depth

<youre not meaningless

<you’re a rhythm.

<like breathing

>…

>was that a regina spektor reference?

<it might have been

>I thought you didn’t listen to music?

<well someone said her lyrics were like poetry

<so I thought I would check out a few songs

>well fuck

>what did you think?

<she’s good

>you spelt ‘amazing’ wrong

<I still prefer poetry

>of course you do

Derek stared at the texts an ache filling his chest.

Derek was the opposite of infinite. Everything he touched turned to flames.

//

10:30AM Bad Poet

<my sister bought me flower seeds

>I didn’t know you had a sister?

<she’s everything I have

>oh

<and I think she’s trying to trick me into therapy somehow

>…with flower seeds?

<yes

>you sound extremely paranoid

>maybe therapy wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for you?

<shut up

>noted.

>keep me posted on how your gardening goes

>also

>as a side note

>you know you have me too right?

>if you ever need to talk or anything, I’m right here for you

<thanks

>anytime

//

On Derek’s birthday Laura insists the two of them spend the day together, and Derek knows better than to argue.

She buys him a cake and they spend hours sat next to one another silently. Two strangers desperately trying to keep hold of one another but with an ocean dividing them.

Once their family had been so alive.

And it was all Derek’s fault that was gone.

They both knew it.

Sometimes Derek wondered if Laura hated him as much as he did.

He was too scared to ask.

//

That night Derek chased the ache in his chest away with a drink.

And then several more followed.

//

1:14 AM Bad Poet

<seh haars me

>sorry bud, you’re going to have to try again

>try spell checking before hitting send

<she.hates mee

>who?

<larn

>are you drunk?

<yeh

<tyongs ndrf

*Out Going Call: Bad Poet*

The phone rings twice before being picked up. “Sorry. Stupid keyboard is so small. Impossible to type.” Derek mumbled, his words slightly muffled by his cheek being pressed into the sofa cushion.

“Wow. You’re really sloshed huh?”

“No.” Derek denied. “Just tipsy.”

“Right. So what was it you were trying to tell me? Someone hates you?”

“Laura.”

“Who’s Laura?”

“My sister.”

“Oh.”

“She looks at me like she wishes she could fix me.”

“That doesn’t sound like she hates you, bud.”

“She should. I can’t be fixed.”

“You’re right, because you’re not broken.”

Hearing Stiles say that Derek could almost believe it to be true.

“I mean it. You’re not broken. You’re just a different shape than you used to be. But the shape you are now is beautiful.”

Derek closes his eyes and lets the words wash over him. “Do you sing?” He finds himself asking.

“What?”

“I know you write songs, but do you ever sing?”

“Oh…” Stiles sounds uncomfortable. “I guess… Yeah. I do.”

Derek hummed in the back of his throat. “I bet you have a nice voice.”

“Th-thanks.”

Derek tried to say something else, but all that comes out is a yawn, which makes Stiles let out a jittery laugh.

Derek tries to memorise the sound of It, but it’s so fleeting, it’s already slipping away from him.

“I think you need to go sleep, ET.”

“Yeah.” Derek agrees.

“Goodnight bud.”

“Wait.”

“Yeah?”

“Could you stay on the phone? Just for a bit longer.” Derek clutched on to the phone like if he could grip tightly enough it would make Stiles stay.

I don’t want to be alone. The words die on Derek’s tongue.

“Sure.” Stiles didn’t hesitate. “Of course.”

“Thank you.”

Sleep pulled at Derek’s consciousness, unravelling his grip on reality.

“Stiles?”

Stiles hummed in answer.

“Your shape is beautiful too.”

A small whimper came from the other end of the phone. “Thanks.”

//

7:50 AM Bad Poet

>how are you feeling today?

<better

>good <3

Derek holds his phone tightly and wishes that he had more to say. Just to keep the conversation going.

He also wishes (not for the first time) that Stiles was more than a faceless entity on the other end of the phone.

But it’s the first time he feels the want like a physical ache in his chest.

Derek had never been good with words, but if Stiles was here in front of him Derek would probably give him a hug.

But everything Derek touches eventually dies, and a larger part of him is relieved for the distance.

//

Derek plants the seeds his sister got him that day.

//

9:48 PM Bad Poet

>would it totally weird you out if I wanted to do another phone call?

>don’t feel like you need to say yes

>I just enjoyed talking to you

>and hearing your voice

>ugh.

>why are words so hard?

<I wouldn’t be opposed to a phone call

*Incoming Call: Bad Poet*

“Hey.” Derek feels breathless as he answers the phone, anxious excitement clawing it’s way up his throat.

“Hey.” Stiles sounds equally out of breath, and that helps.

Derek chews on his lip, scrambling for something to say. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know.” Stiles admitted. “Anything.”

“Helpful.” Derek said sarcastically.

“I mean. There’s one thing. I didn’t want to ask when you were drunk because it felt a little like taking advantage. And I don’t want you to think you have to answer-”

“Stiles.” Derek interrupts before Stiles could break into a full blown ramble.

“Tell me your name.” Stiles breaks. “Please.”

Anxiety grips his heart. But… he couldn’t stay scared forever.

“It’s Derek.”

“Derek.” Stiles repeats his name in a reverent whisper, as if committing it to memory.

And hearing Stiles say his name makes everything worth it.

//

Phone calls become a regular thing between the two of them over the next month. Always between late in the evening and the early hours of the day.

//

The next time Derek spirals he doesn’t drink before he calls Stiles, but he does cry on the phone.

The next morning he wakes up to a text from Stiles.

6:42 AM Bad Poet

>you need to talk to your sister

And Derek knows he’s right.

//

It’s not easy confronting Laura. He has two separate anxiety attacks on the walk to her apartment alone.

But he forces himself to take the dive.

“It’s okay if you hate me.” He tells her, even though it’s not okay. Laura’s hate might be the only thing in the world that could break him beyond repair.

Laura looks horrified as she stares at him. “I don’t- Obviously I don’t hate you Derek.”

“It’s my fault that they’re gone.” Derek addresses the elephant in the room.

If he hadn’t fallen in love with Kate.

If he hadn’t broken up with her, just to try and prove a point when she refused to say ‘I love you’ back…

There never would have been a fire.

Their family would still be here if it wasn’t for him.

“Fuck that!” Laura let out a harsh noise. “Derek, none of this was ever your fault. You were a kid, and even if you weren’t… You never set the fire.”

“I might as well have.”

“No. If anyone… I was your big sister- am your big sister. But I was so fucking wrapped up in myself. I didn’t even know about Kate.”

The last time Derek had seen Laura cry it had been at the funeral, so it took a second to fully sink in what he was seeing.

He found himself crying to.

“I’m so sorry, Der.”

Derek stumbled forwards pulling Laura into a crushing hug. Laura hugs him back just as tight.

They spend hours refusing to let go of one another.

//

He realises he fell asleep on Laura’s sofa when he woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. But he had no idea where it was, and he was too tired to move.

He feels Laura moving and the sound of the phone ringing gets louder before cutting off abruptly.

“Hello?”

“No - Derek’s asleep.”

“Maybe call at a more reasonable time?”

“Who is this?”

“Your voice sounds familiar.”

“Right.”

“Okay. Bye.”

Derek let sleep over take him once more.

//

2:29 AM Bad Poet

>sorry for calling so late

>you’re asleep so I’ll just take to you tomorrow

//

9:07 AM Bad Poet

<sorry, I was really tried

>no worries man

>you’re allowed to have a life outside of me

<was something wrong?

>no I was just bored, and didn’t realise how late it had gotten

>im fine

>how are you?

<im good actually

<I spoke to Laura

>yeah?

>I’m proud of you

>how’d that go?

<we both cried

<a lot

<and I ended up falling asleep on her couch

>look at you, opening up and shit.

>think I might cry now

<shut up

>literally never

>better men have tried and failed to silence me

//

2:40 PM Laura

>Want to see a movie on Friday?

<sure

//

One night Stiles calls Derek just to say his name in stupid ways, and laugh himself stupid after each one.

“Duhreek.”

“Doreck.”

“Fuck. I’m getting a stitch from laughing.”

“You’re so fucking dumb.” Derek is smiling as he said it.

“Deeruk.” Stiles wheezes out.

Derek just closes hie eyes and listens.

“I’m so fucking glad I know you, Stiles.” The words fall out of Derek’s mouth without much thought.

He only realises the weight of his words when Stile’s laughter pulls to a stop.

“I uh-” Stiles stammered. “Me too. Fuck. You’re the best thing to happen to me in…so fucking long. I’m glad I know you too Derek.”

//

Derek finally admits to himself that night that he’d fallen at least a little in love with the stranger from the unknown number.

//

He keeps trying to draw Stiles, but he can’t. Vague shapes just don’t cut it anymore.

He wants to map Stiles out with his eyes and translate it onto the page.

He wants to be able to see the smile behind the laughter.

He wants.

//

1:58 AM Bad Poet

>do you think you day we’ll actually meet?

>maybe not intentionally

>maybe one day we’d pass each other in the streets and not even know

>maybe we already have

Derek couldn’t imagine a scenario where he wouldn’t notice Stiles.

<is there ever a moment when you’re not talking?

<I think id recognise your voice and know it was you

>maybe your face would make me speechless ;)

<I think id still know

<but if you want to be sure… I could send you a picture?

<of me

>dkfajd

>for reals?

>you would do that?

>you?

<well…not for free

>there’s always a catch

>what do you want?

>my soul?

>a blood debt?

>you can have whatever it is

<I meant you’d have to send me a picture too

<geez stiles

The next text takes an unnervingly long time to come through.

>I could do that

>a photo for a photo

>I kind of look like shit rn

>so no judging me

Derek spends the next two minutes fussing and fidgeting to take a good photo. No matter what angle he took it from the bags under his eyes were noticeable, and so was the week’s worth of stubble he had yet to shave off.

And maybe this was a terrible, awful, idea.

But Derek would send one hundred bad pictures if it meant getting to see one of Stiles.

He forced himself to press send on the last picture he took.

As he pressed send another photo came in.

Derek’s fingers shook as he hit the button to download the image.

His heart stopped.

Stiles was beautiful in every sense of the word, and Derek found himself unable to look away. Even when he heard the small dings of incoming messages.

But he couldn’t ignore them for long, because it was Stiles. And when ever Stiles messaged Derek had to answer.

>Fucking hell

>are you for real?

>you gave me a heart attack

>am I being catfished right now?

>when do you think you were going to tell me you’re the most fucking beautiful man to exist ever?

>how the hell to you look like that as 2AM!?

>Derek

>oh my god

>you gotta respond my dude because I’m freaking out a little bit

>still there?

>did my selfie scare you away?

>I would have tried harder for a nice photo if I knew I was talking to an adonis

>Derek?

<still here

>of thank fuck

>so…

<so?

>come on

>your going to give me a complex

>the selfie…was it okay?

>I know it’s not much

>but we can’t all be greek gods

<its beautiful

<you’re beautiful, stiles

>oh

>thanks

//

Derek is so far gone that he makes the picture of Stiles the home screen on his phone.

//

9:49 AM Bad Poet

<Laura wants me to meet her boyfriend

<this is all your fault

>how is this my fault?

<because she never wanted to introduce us before

<and then you got me to talk to my sister

<and now she wants me to meet him

>…and this is a bad thing?

<yes

>because?

<I don’t make good first impressions

<it’s going to be awkward

>yeah probably

<you’re not helpful

>I wasn’t trying to be ;)

>have fun, Derek!

//

Meeting Laura’s boyfriend wasn’t as awkward as Derek thought it was going to be. But it was strange.

Derek hadn’t been expecting to meet someone so soft and kind. He was nothing like any one that Laura had dated before.

But he also wasn’t used to seeing Laura smile as much as she did around him.

Maybe not all change was bad.

//

Derek tells Laura about Stiles by accident. Or more accurately he mentions Stiles once by accident (not even by name) and Laura had badgered him until he admitted that he had made a friend through a wrong number.

“There’s a lot of weirdos out there.”

“I know.”

God did Derek ever know.

But Stiles is different.

“Just…be careful.”

“I am being. I promise.”

Laura reluctantly lets it go after that. “So…what’s he like?”

“He’s…he’s like bad poetry.”

“Oh god. You’re in love with him aren’t you?”

Derek can’t bring himself to deny it, but he does tell Laura to shut up.

//

Derek fully embraces being in love with Stiles on the day he tells Stiles about his drawings. He’d never told anyone about them before - not even Laura. But telling Stiles had been easy.

‘It reminds me of line art’ Stiles had said when Derek had sent him a photo of the doodle he had been working on. “I love it’.

A warmth flutters through Derek’s veins.

//

It all goes sideways on the day Laura goes on Derek’s phone to check the time.

She’d raised one eyebrow at him looking amused.

“I thought you didn’t listen to music?” She said, a teasing note to her voice.

“I don’t.” Derek shrugged.

“A huh. So why do you have a picture of Stiles Stilinski as your wallpaper?” She asks.

It’s so startling to hear Stiles name coming out of Laura’s mouth that Derek’s brain refuses to function properly. “How do you know Stiles?” He asks weakly.

Laura laughs. “He’s not exactly a niche celebrity Der. He was a really famous YouTuber before he started selling albums.”

Derek doesn’t know what to say to that. He blinks as his world slowly unravels before him.

No.

She had to be wrong, because Derek couldn’t be in love with a celebrity. Stiles couldn’t be…

“Hey are you okay? You look really sick?”

“He’s famous?” His throat is dry.

“Yes? Are you okay? What’s wrong? You’ve got to speak to me Der. Use your words.”

Derek just shakes his head because he can’t.

“It’s him.” He manages to get out.

“What are you talking about?”

“Laura. It’s him.”

It takes a moment to click but Derek knows when it does because a look of thunderous wrath takes over Laura’s face.

“I’ll kill him.” She seethes, shaking with anger. “What kind of fucking punk thinks that this is a good prank to play?”

“What?”

“No one is getting away with catfishing you, Der. I’m going to hunt this fucker down, and then I’ll rip him so many new ones that he going to look like SpongeBob when I’m done with him.”

And god, Derek hadn’t even considered the thought that Stiles might not even be Stiles. The thought of Stiles being a liar…

The gape in his heart grows a little bit bigger.

And it all falls apart.

//

It takes hours before Derek can convince himself to confront Stiles.

11:08 PM Bad Poet

<you’re stiles stilinki

>fuck

(And yeah, it was really him).

>how did you find out?

<Laura

>I was going to tell you

<Were you?

>Yes

>I’ve wanted to for ages

>It just never felt like the right time to bring it up

<I wish you had decided on the right time was sooner

>Me too

>I’m sorry

>Please don’t hate me

Derek did not think it was possible for him to hate any part of Stiles.

<I don’t

>Thank fuck

>seriously

>can I call you?

<sure

Derek closed his eyes after sending the text and waited for Stiles to ring. A heartbeat later his ringtone sounded off.

“Hey.”

“You believe me right?” And Stiles sounds more frantic than Derek had ever heard him before.

“I believe you, Stiles.”

“Are you sure, because I can prove it if you want? I can do a video call? Or I can tweet literally anythi-”

“Stiles.”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to prove anything to me.”

Stiles lets out a small whine, that reaches through the phone line and yanks at Derek’s already tattered heart, unraveling him just a little more.

“Meet me.” Stiles said, taking Derek by surprise.

“What?”

“Please. I meant to throw a please in there, I’m just really fucking nervous right now. Meet me please. In real life. I uh- I was going to ask when I finally told you about the whole being a celebrity thing. It’s still weird to say that out loud. That’s part of why it was so hard to tell you. But the point was you beat me to the punch with the whole reveal thing, but I still wanted to ask.”

“Stiles…”

“And it’s not that I was trying to use my influence or fame to pressure you into meeting me. I just wanted to be in a space where we were one hundred per cent honest with one another before I asked you. You can still say no. Of course you can, I don’t know why I’m- my point is I hope you don’t say no.”

Derek feels his heart break in two.

“Stiles…I can’t.”

“Oh.”

He hadn’t fully realised just how many worlds apart the two of them were when he had fallen in love with Stiles. It felt even more impossible than it had before.

“I’m sorry.” The words leave him feeling hollow.

“No. Don’t apologise. This is just me getting carried away. It’s okay.”

I love you. The words never leave Derek. They can’t leave him.

There was no way this could work, and he was far too scared of breaking the tentative connection they had with his useless words.

It was better for him to just… fall out of love.

//

6:17AM Laura

<it’s really him

>are you sure

<I’m sure

>what are you going to do?

<nothing

>Derek you’re in love with him

<I’m aware

<it doesn’t matter

<it wouldn’t ever work

>I’m sorry

<don’t be

<I’m going to be fine

>Im coming over with wine

//

That night Derek fills pages and pages of his notebook with drawings of Stiles.

When he gets a message from Stiles at 11PM- for the first time since they started messaging- Derek leaves it unopened.

//

He never ignores a message again after that, and life moves on. Stiles still messages him all the time, but he never asks to call anymore.

Derek misses his voice so much that he goes onto youtube and listens to his music.

He buys all three albums Stiles released and it still doesn’t feel like enough.

//

He fills an entire notebook with doodles of Stiles.

It’s still not enough.

//

1:11 PM Bad Poet

>I wrote you a song

>I know you don’t listen to music

>but it felt weird to not a least send you a link

>bad poetry at 2:00am

The link leads Derek to a youtube video of Stiles holding a ukulele and staring with a soft smile at the camera.

“Hey guys. It’s been a while, huh? But I guess I finally found inspiration. So here we go.”

The song is beautiful, but even more beautiful than that was Stiles.

When the song reached the end Derek doesn’t hesitate to hit replay.

He listens to the song ten times before he realises he’s crying - and he knows that he’s never going to ‘get over’ Stiles because he doesn’t want to.

//

3:00 PM Laura

>have you seen the video?

<he sent me a link

<he wrote a song for me Laura

<I love him so fucking much and he wrote a song for me

>fuck

<what do I do?

>what do you want to do?

<I don’t know

>I think you should look at his twitter

<?

>I wasn’t going to say anything because you said you wanted to get over him

>but I think you need to see it

>@stilesstilinki

//

@stilesstilinski

I want to hug him

@stilesstilinski

Get you a guy that will stay up with you until 4AM talking about literally anything

@stilesstilinski

Why do I alway fall for people so far out of my league? rip me I guess.

@stilesstilinski

He makes me want to write poetry

Derek spends hours scrolling through Stiles’ twitter.

He scrolls far enough back that he gets to the part of his timeline where his twitter is littered with pictures of Lydia, which causes the ache in Derek’s chest to grow. But he can’t stop looking because Stiles looks so happy.

And Derek falls impossibly more in love.

He lets himself acknowledge for the first time that Stiles might love him back.

And everything else?

It’s worth it.

Because Stiles is worth everything to Derek.

//

2:00 AM Bad Poet

<so I looked at your twitter

>fuck.

>how much did you see?

<all of it

>tight

>please excuse me while I go die now

>bye

<don’t leave yet

<I had something I wanted to ask you

>did you want me to delete the tweets?

>I can do that

>I’ll just delete the whole account

>I am my own worst enemy so this won’t be a problem

>actually Jackson Whittemore is my worst enemy

>but I’m a close second

<stiles?

>yup?

<Will you go on a date with me?

>alkdjf

>yes?

>Ofc yes?

>are you being serious?

>because this would be a cruel prank if you’re not serious

<I’m serious

>yes.

>yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.

>holy shit

>theres no fucking universe where I say ‘no’ to that question from you

>im so fucking in love with you

>is it too soon to say that?

>I don’t even care

>I’m speaking my truth

>you obviously don’t have to say it back

>im going to woo you so hard Derek

>you’ll have to love me back eventually

>I’m going to write you poetry

>hell I’ll even read poetry for you

>ill give the whole fucking moon to you

<why would I want the moon?

<im not gru?

>despicable me

>that was a despicable me reference.

>you don’t listen to music, but you watch despicable me?

>you’re such an enigma to me Derek

>god I love you so much

<stiles?

>too much?

<no

<I don’t think I could ever have too much of you

<I love you too stiles

<so much

<I just don’t want you to get your hopes up

<I might not be able to live up to it in real life

>impossible

<seriously stiles

>I am being serious

>I’m already in love with you Der

>you don’t have to do anything more than you’ve already done

>you could wear a potato sack, and spend the whole night not saying anything at all

>and I would still be in love with you

>all you have to do now is show up

<…I can do that

>perfect

//

TWO YEARS LATER

@stilesstilinski

Hey @JacksonWhittemore, remember when you told me I would die alone? Well I just got engaged to the love of my life. So checkmate fucker.

[petersasteria]

Memory - Peter Parker

Pairing: Peter x Reader

Requested? Nah

Inspired by “Memory” from Cats and “Memories” from the OST of Spiderverse

* * * *

Peter had been working part time at his aunt's flower shop across their apartment building. He loved to see different people buying flowers for different purposes. He loved to arrange them. He especially loved them whenever they'd get a special request to arrange flowers for a wedding. He loves everything about the shop and the flowers.

Peter thinks that flowers are classic and it never gets old and it never goes out of style and it never disappoints. He vividly remembers his uncle Ben giving flowers everyday to aunt May and it never failed to make his aunt smile.

Now that his uncle has met his untimely demise, his aunt is now leaving flowers everyday on his uncle's grave. She said it gave her peace and it made her happy.

So it was no surprise that the moment Peter saw you at school and wanted to get to know you, he wanted to give you flowers... or at least just one flower a day, because he didn't want to scare you off with a bouquet. He would tape the stem of the flower to your locker and leave a sticky note that says: "have a great day! -your secret admirer"

He gave you different flowers everyday, because he didn't know what you liked. But thanks to MJ, he found out that you loved tulips.

"I know about you giving Y/N a different flower everyday." MJ told him one day at the cafeteria. Peter looked at her and played dumb, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I literally saw you sticking it on her locker this morning before she arrived." MJ smirked.

"Wow, congrats! You caught me. Want a cookie for that?" Peter said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

"After what I'm about to tell you, I think I deserve a cookie." the girl smiled at the brunette.

Peter looked at her with curiosity, "What are you going to tell me?"

"She loves tulips."  MJ told him before paying attention to her book again. Without looking at Peter she added, "She loves pink and yellow tulips. I know, because I caught her drawing them in class today with pastel colored highlighters. She told me she painted those all the time. She's really talented in painting. I asked her to paint me a dahlia and I'll pay for it. My room is kinda empty, so her painting might bring life in my room."

Ever since he found out, he'd alternately leave pink and yellow tulips everyday on your locker. Until one day, Peter finally had gathered enough courage to hand the flowers to you personally. He stood in front of your locker with six tulips in hand. Three pink tulips and three yellow ones. The second he saw you, he swore you took his breath away.

You looked at him and smiled. You walked closer to him until you were standing in front of him, "I didn't expect you to be the type of guy to give flowers, Parker." Peter just chuckled and handed you the little bouquet he arranged for you. You gladly accepted them and smiled, "I really love these. Thank you for giving me flowers everyday."

"Y-Y/N, will you be my-my girlfriend?" Peter stammered. You beamed and nodded, "Yes!"

Present Day

You and Peter have been together since you were sixteen. Both of you are now twenty-three years old and you guys have never been happier. Although recently, you've been arguing a lot and it seemed easier to argue with the other person now that you live together.

"She's literally just a girl from work, Y/N!! You're my girlfriend! You mean more to me that she does!" Peter shouts.

Both of you are currently standing in the living room of your shared apartment as you continued your screaming match. It started thirty minutes ago when Peter got home from a photo shoot. He's a professional photographer and while you supported his job, you didn't like the way his assistant looks at him. You knew she liked him, but Peter was too blind to see that.

"You do know that the word 'more' is used for comparison, right? So, when you say that I mean more to you, that means she still means something to you but I'm a step ahead." You sass, putting your hands on your hips.

"Oh, don't act smart with me now. You know what I fucking mean!" Peter scoffs, crossing his arms.

"Actually, no I don't because you spend more time with her than you spend time with me!" you accusingly point at him as you raise you voice.

Peter's jaw drops and pulls his hair, "Are you hearing yourself right now?! I only spend time with her, because she's my co-worker and assistant! You don't see me hanging out with her after work, do you?? I go straight home after work and I hang out with you! How am I supposed to know that you're not cheating on me with that guy from your work?"

"Who?!" you ask, confusion written all over your face.

"Jonathan!" Peter throws his hands in the air and falls to his side. You throw your head back in annoyance before looking at him, "Here we go again with Jonathan! I'm not cheating on you with him and don't you dare turn this on me!"

"That's totally unfair! You're allowed to think that I'm supposedly cheating on you with Becky, but I'm not allowed to think that you're supposedly cheating on me with Jonathan??? FUCK YOU, Y/N!!!" Peter yells, showing you two middle fingers.

"FUCK YOU TOO!!" you yell.

Peter puts down his hands and looks away from you to calm himself down. He looks at the tulips, nearly dying, in the vase on the coffee table. You calmed yourself down too.

"I can't do this right now." Peter whispers. He grabs his backpack from the couch and his keys. "I'm sleeping at May's. I'll see you in the morning when we've both cooled down." You didn't get a chance to say anything, because he left immediately, slamming the door in the process.

To say that you were sad the following morning was an understatement. You knew you messed up and you desperately want to apologize to Peter, but he's not home yet. You wanted to hug him and kiss him and tell him how sorry you were for starting that stupid argument. Your thoughts were interrupted when you hear your phone ringing. You grab your phone from the night stand and your heart races when you see May's caller ID.

Something's wrong.

You immediately answer the phone and gasp at the news May just told you. "I'll be right there." you quickly get dressed and drove to the hospital where Peter was.

You arrived there and asked the reception where his room is. They tell you and you quickly make your way to Peter's room. You knock on the door before entering. You see the love of your life laying down with his eyes closed. His head is bandaged up and he has a few scratches here and there.

"Y/N!"

You look over to see May sitting on the chair next to Peter's bed. You didn't notice her there before. You sit next to her and ask what happened.

"Well, he was on his way back to your shared apartment. He said you guys had an argument and that maybe resolving it in the morning would make it okay. Before leaving, he got you a big bouquet of pink and yellow tulips. There were twenty-four tulips and I know because he said he wanted twelve of each. Then when he was crossing the street, a truck came out of nowhere and hit him. Thank god he's okay, though. I don't want to lose him too." May sniffs. She hands you the slightly ruined bouquet of flowers and you gladly accepted them.

"The doctors said that he'll wake up soon. We'll just have to wait. He's not suffering anything serious, though." May gives you a small smile.

"That's good." you smile. "He'll be okay. He's strong."

May eventually had to leave, because she needed to open the flower shop. You stayed and called your boss to say that you can't come to work due to an emergency. Thankfully, your boss said it was okay. Around lunch time, you leave Peter's room to buy some food.

What you didn't expect was the moment you came back, Peter was already awake. You smile and put the food on the table and you sit on the chair beside his bed.

"Peter, you're awake!" you says in a hushed voice, not wanting to startle him. He looks around before his eyes land on yours. Tears of joy streamed down your face as you smile at him brightly. "May and I were so worried about you! And-"

"Who are you?"

Your smile drops. Is this some kind of sick joke?

"Where am I? Why am I here?" Peter questions as he tries to sit up. You immediately pushed the button to call the nurse and they came in with a doctor immediately.

They check up on him and the doctor turns to you, "We'll run some tests and we'll come back to tell you the result. In the mean time, just calm down." They leave and you pull out your phone to infrom May about the situation.

"So...who are you?" Peter looks at you warily.

"I'm Y/N; your girlfriend. We've been dating since we were sixteen." you tell him as you hold his hand. Peter nods, "How old are we now?"

"Twenty-three."

"....That's a long time." Peter says in shock.

"Yeah, but we're happy, so it doesn't matter." you give him a tight-lipped smile. Peter just nods and looks out the window. The doctor comes back and clears his throat, "I have the result back and Peter is suffering from memory loss."

"Will he get his memories back?" you ask.

"Yeah, eventually. Telling him some significant things will help him remember easier." the doctor smiles. "We'll keep him here overnight for a few more tests and tomorrow, he can go."

-

It's been a week since Peter got home and you and May thought it was best for him to stay with her for a while until he gets his memories back. Your apartment without Peter was lonely, but it's near your workplace so, you didn't really have a choice but to stay there.

May kept you up to date with Peter's progress and he could remember small things like what school he went to, where he lived, his birthday, uncle Ben's passing, etc.

It's a slow progress, but at least there's something.

Peter wasn't allowed to work yet until he regains his memories so, Becky, his assistant has been doing his job. You've been helping out too, because there are some things where Peter's decision was needed and only you can answer for them. Of course while you were there, you confronted Becky.

"Thanks, Y/N!" Becky faked a smile before she turned around to leave.

"Becky!" you called out. She turned to you once more with a bored expression, "Hmm?"

"I know you like my boyfriend. Can you do me a favor and, like, fuck off? He's taken and if you think that he'll leave me; if you think he'll end our 7 year relationship for you, then you're wrong, sweetie." you sneered.

Becky scoffed and left. You smirked to yourself, "Thank fuck." you muttered.

May suggested that helping around the flower shop might regain some of his memories. So, Peter started helping out even though he didn't really know what to do. May didn't mind teaching him again.

Peter is busy arranging a bouquet of flowers when he hears the bell chime, a sign that a customer has come in. He didn't pay attention to it, because May was quick to handle it.

"I'd like twenty-four tulips please." the customer says.

Peter stopped what he was doing and holds his head. May takes notice of this and gives him a questioning glance. Peter gives her a tight-lipped smile  and mouths "I'm okay."

May nods before turning to the customer again, "What colors do you like?"

The customer hums in response as they take a second to think, "I'm kind of torn between the pink and yellow tulips. I love them both, but I can't seem to pick one color."

"Why not both?" May suggests.

Peter knew she didn't mean it, but something in him got triggered and his head started to hurt even more. He closes his eyes in pain and as soon as he did, all his memories came flashing back.

He quickly opens his eyes and turns to May, "I remember everything now." May smiles and opens her mouth to say something, but Peter cuts her off, "I have to go! Thank you so much, May! I'll see you soon!"

Peter rushes out the shop and makes his way to where you are. He remembers that you're not in your office and that today is your day off. He smiles at the thought of seeing you again and soon enough, he's knocking on the door of your shared apartment.

He hears footsteps coming to the door and smiles when you open it.

"Peter! What are you doing here?" you ask in shock and happiness. You didn't expect him to be there, because you usually visit him and not the other way around.

Peter engulfs you in a tight hug and nuzzles his face on your neck. You didn't hesitate to wrap your arms around him, "Are you okay?"

Peter nods before pulling away and smiling, "I remember everything now."

You smile widely at him and say, "Oh my god! I-"

Peter cuts you off with a kiss filled with love and longing. You kiss him back and smile through the kiss. He pulls away after a while and says, "I love you. I don't want us to fight like that again."

"I love you more, Pete. I don't want us to fight like that too." you smile at him as you let him in and close the door.

Having Peter back home made you really happy and you didn't feel lonely anymore. You spent the whole day talking about what he missed and he told you about how he remembered everything until both of you fell asleep on the couch and you wouldn't have it any other way.

* * * *

thank you @lovingsiriusoswald for the help <3

Tagging mutuals: @myblueleatherbag @fanficparker @sweetdespairbarnes @tommysparker @lcvelyparkers

[purplesurveys]

1130

survey by nadine07

Where were you three hours ago? Was passed out on the living room couch and probably dreaming away, lmao.

Were you with anyone? Both my dogs were in the living room with me, if that counts.

Have you had anything alcoholic in the last 24 hours? Hmm, I’m trying to remember but I don’t think so. I went outside to eat, but I doubt they put any alcohol in my meal since I literally had a truffle-based pasta. No plans to drink this weekend, either.

Are you wearing shoes right now? Nope, I’m always barefoot around the house.

How long have you known your 1st phone contact? At least since the 6th grade cos I think that’s when she had transferred to my school.

Are they a relative? Nope, I went to school with her. We were seatmates for a while in sophomore year and that’s when I was able to see how talented she was at drawing and painting. She ended up transferring to UP as well after getting accepted to the fine arts program so we got to be collegemates as well, though I don’t really remember what university she initially got admitted to.

Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? Yeah, because I’m a dumb fuck when it comes to these things. I WILL SAY though that I’ll be so much kinder to myself should this ever happen, and no longer tolerate her bullshit and emotional/mental abuse under the guise of ~unconditional love. There’ll be a lot of shit she’ll have to pick up and fix, and I wouldn’t get back with her unless she acknowledges her mistakes and seek to correct them.

Would you ever go skinny dipping with the last person who commented you? That would be Leigh, and no. Idk if I’ve shared this or if this has ever come up on a survey but Andi actually once asked me if I’d like to be a part of a threesome with them and Leigh, and I just had to immediately decline because I view Leigh as a younger sister more than anything and I can’t bear to see her all naked loooool.

When was the last time you saw a movie in theaters? December 2019.

When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? I think the morning of New Year’s Eve. I was already starting my healing process by then and the holidays were getting me feeling kind of peaceful, so I sent her a few voice notes thanking her for the year that was but giving her a heads-up that I might not talk to her for a while, because I realized I was starting to get happier on the days I didn’t force conversation with her.

I honestly thought ‘a while’ would only take a couple of weeks, but I’ve since gotten used without her presence and it’s been 3 1/2 months since our final encounter; and I think it will stay this way now.

Has anyone called you beautiful today? No.

Are you still friends with the last person who broke your trust? That would be JM, and yeah. I find him ridiculous for lying to our faces about joining a fraternity in law school (frats are a big yuck where I live because of their toxic hazing and misogynist culture), but I mean I still sort of understand why he had to do it - obviously not for the above reason, but for the perks and support that usually come with joining frats. From now on I’ll always see him as someone who can smoothly lie to my face, though.

Does drama seem to follow you everywhere? No. I would hate that lol, that would just be too much to handle.

Do you feel like anyone is playing mind games with you right now? No.

How would you feel if your best friend hooked up with your ex? I think my literal first reaction would be to laugh out of sheer disbelief, and then proceed to call her stupid for cheating and for choosing to cheat with her. After that’s died down, I think I’d mostly feel disappointed and betrayed.

How long did your last relationship last? The stint lasted 4 years, but we were technically together for 6 years if we’re counting the whole on/off thing.

If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? No. That’s what I had thought and they left. I’ve stopped trusting my feelings about these things anymore, and will assume anyone is capable of leaving.

Does it make you uncomfortable to talk on the phone around people? I just don’t want to be loud enough that I’m almost screaming around other people, but I can’t always monitor that since I have to concentrate on what I’m hearing on the other line.

Would you rather be 10 years older or 10 years younger? Probably 10 years older so that I can see into my future.

Have you ever kissed someone the same night your met them? No.

Do you bite your fingernails? Occasionally. I pick at them more frequently.

Would you consider yourself very flexible? Nah. Like I said on a previous survey, I can’t even reach my toes either while standing up or stretching on the floor.

Do you embarrass easily? Yeah.

Have you ever tried to talk your way out of getting a ticket? Yup. It’s happened twice; one of the occasions I was able to handle by myself and the other time Gab had to step in to talk to the officer because he was adamant about the ticket and I had started crying.

Did it work? Yes, both times. I’ve only been issued a ticket once, from this annoying grumpy officer in Alabang.

Have you ever been banned from anywhere? Trying to remember if I have been, but I don’t think so.

Do you have a ringtone or do you leave your phone on vibrate? The important messaging apps are on vibrate. I’ve turned off notifications for some apps and I have just the silent banner notifications for others.

What was the last thing you drank from a mug? I’m drinking coffee from one right now.

Has your #1 ever seen you naked?

Does your #2 know your deepest secret?

Will your #3 repost this?

Does your #4 smoke?

Were you born in the 90's? Yes, but by the end of it so I never considered myself a 90s kid.

When was the last time you paid less than $1 for something? The parking fee in Feliz.

Have you loaned anything out to anyone recently? Nope.

Are any of your siblings married? None of us are.

Who was the last person to spend the night with you at your house? Gabie.

How many different picture ids do you have in your wallet? Just my driver’s license and TIN ID.

Do you have a hard time making decisions? Depends on the weight of the decision. The heavier it is, the more I seek out friends who can provide fresh perspectives.

Has anyone kissed you when you weren't expecting it? Idk, Gabie probably snuck in some surprise ones a few times. IBetween the two of us I was more likely to do so, though.

Did you like it? If she did then I probably did during that time.

Who was your date to senior prom? We have junior prom, not senior prom. I just bought my favorite cousin since I had no interest in boys and was still learning how to make guy friends at that point.

Does your dad smoke? No, he’s never tried.

Is your mom over 50? She is turning 50 this year, but not until September.

Do you want to get married? It would be nice to experience it.

Have kids? Yes.

Are there any movies coming out you wanna see? Not that I know of. There are movies I do want to see, but they’ve already come out, like Ammonite and I Care A Lot.

Do you ever feel like you're leading a double life? No.

Do you have any plans to get a new tattoo or piercing? Tattoo, yeah. I’m just super chill about said plan and am not really in a hurry about it. I’ve yet to think of a design and where on my body to place it.

Do you know anyone named Christine? I know several people named Christine but they go by a nickname, like Tin.

Do you know anyone who's biracial? Sure, I went to high school with a couple of girls who are both half-brown and half-white as they both have European dads. I believe one of them is part German while the other girl is part Swiss.

Do you know anyone who works at Walmart? I don’t think so. I know my aunts who live in the US will occasionally shop there though, hahaha.

Has the last person you rode in a car with seen you in your underwear? I mean yeah, as a baby and as a young kid (it was my mom).

Are black bras sexy? They can be, sure.

Spell your full name without 'C','I','R', or 'Y': Obn.

Open the nearest book, turn to page 11, and type the first sentence: I’m at a Starbucks rn and didn’t bring any books with me.

Are you currently listening to anything? There’s jazz music faintly playing at the moment.

Would you ever consider getting breast implants? Before I definitely used to, when people still liked to make fun of small boobs. Nowadays I don’t feel the need to anymore.

If you could spend 30 minutes with someone who's gone, who would you pick? I’d probably pick my great-grandpa over my grandpa. I never met the former; and if I only had 30 minutes with my grandpa (who I did grow up with) I think it would just fuck with me psychologically.

Are you on birth control? Nopes.

Do you know anyone who is bisexual? Lots.

Would you walk into Walmart naked for $10,000? Yes.

Does anyone call you babe? No.

Do you hate it when people try to play with your hair? If I’m not close enough to them I would feel bothered, yes.

Who would you tell, or who did you tell when you lost your virginity? I think I had just told Sofie then.

Were you in a relationship 6 months ago? Yeah but it was cracking and it was cracking fast. It’ll be hitting 6 months this March, actually.

Are you still with that person? No.

Are you the kind of person who has crazy mood swings? No. This happens to my mom and I hate it very much, so I try to watch my actions and not switch rapidly between different moods.

This is question 69...so have you ;)? Sure.

How long is it until your birthday? Around a month and a couple of weeks.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #216: “... To Avenge the Avengers!”

February, 1982

"Avenge us, Tigra! The Molecule Man must die!”

Eesh, the Avengers plus Silver Surfer have gone full Hamlet’s Dad on Tigra and she’s gonna cat Molecule Man and his plush himself to death. But he’s ready for it.

But why? Well...

Last time: Silver Surfer inadvertently gave Molecule Man the idea to eat Earth. The Avengers and the Surfer teamed up to stop him but he just Molecule Manned their sweet gear into nothing, captured them all, and then stomped them under a giant boot-o-matic crusher! Except Tigra who he kept around because he wanted someone to talk at and because Tigra had claimed that she liked him!

This time: “Tigra... the Last Avenger!”

Nice touch that the book name inside the book has been changed to match even if the cover hasn’t.

That is a tough hat to wear. Did you know its only been a little over a week since she joined the team?

And in that time she got thrown into space by an Elf-Queen, watched a founding Avenger have an emotional breakdown and try to kill his friends to make them like him again, had her soul set on fire, been repeatedly harassed in public, and watched the whole team be killed with her life only being spared because she begged for her life!

Is this the worst week and change in Avengers history? IT MIGHT WELL BE!

“She was spared. The fear of death has drained away now, leaving only emptiness behind. She has never felt so alone.”

This narration set in the same panel where Molecule Man is all but slapping the giant boot and going ‘this bad boy can crush so many fucking Avengers in it.’

Well really, its more like

Molecule Man: “Well, cat-lady, they’re dead! Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, and that Silver Surfer guy -- squished flat by my giant boot-o-matic crusher! You know, I made this thing out of molecules from a scrapyard! Yessir, I believe in recycling!”

But that’s about the same level of dissonance between jolly goofus villain rambling and hollow despair.

Anyway, Molecule Man calls her out on being such a bummer because she’s moping over there when he’s feeling good about killing the Avengers and really Tigra try to consider how he feels geez.

So she shakes off the despair and asks hey what exactly is Molecule Man going to do with her?

Tigra: “Am I going to be your mate or...”

Molecule Man: “What? Nah! I never got along with girls! I mean, you know... that way! Yessir, mom always warned me about... that! And she was right! You can be my friend! No! Make that -- my pet! Here, kitty, kitty!”

Wow.

That. That dodged a bullet in a cool Matrix bullet time way right into another bullet.

Let’s please not get too creepy with this, huh? You listening to me, comic published nearly forty years ago? Let’s not get creepy!

Molecule Man decides to be a responsible pet owner and feed his pet. He can control molecules so obviously it should be no trouble to just rearrange them into any configuration he--

Okay, its apparently really hard to make food! Way too complicated!

He’s going to be an irresponsible pet owner and not feed Tigra. And meanwhile he’s going to chow down on some undifferentiated mush or possibly a pile of dust. Its all molecules so its all the same to him.

Tigra didn’t even want food but asks him where the bathroom is.

Molecule Man: “Bathroom? Hmm... well, I really don’t understand how plumbing works, so I couldn’t make a bathroom! If you want, though, I could sort of fake it...”

Tigra: “No, I’ll be all right! i just feel a little sick...”

Molecule Man: “So go be sick for a while! I’ve got to get started on my little project anyway! If I’m going to eat this stupid planet -- I’ve got to prepare by clearing away all the living things from a few square miles of land.”

And he gets started! A giant ridge of land just peels up from the ground, like Molecule Man is skinning a fruit before eating. Also a volcano erupts. Pretty sure there weren’t any volcanoes in New Jersey before now.

Fairly sure.

Outside the dome, thankfully the army has been evacuating everyone in a fifty-mile radius or else a lot of people would be dead. VOLCANO.

Then the Fantastic Four arrive.

Yayyyyy! Oh whoa whoa, Fantastic Fourrr!

They’ve got the best Molecule Man mashing record so they’re here to do what they do do.

Which in this context is fail like champs.

Ben Grimm the Thing tries to shatter the dome with a punch and no dice. Then Human Torch cranks up to nova flame and applies the heat of a sun on one little spot on the dome.

Johnny about wears himself out doing it and still no result.

Guess Iron Man, Thor, and Silver Surfer > a pinpoint miniature sun.

Meanwhile inside, Molecule Man tells Tigra hey get a load of this. And then he levitates a couple billion gallons of water from the Delaware River and dumps it on the Fantastic Four, plus the army, washing them away.

Invisible Woman: “Reed, it -- it doesn’t seem possible!”

Mr. Fantastic: “Everything is made of molecules, Sue! Anything is possible for the Molecule Man!”

Molecule Man far too hax.

But meanwhile, gasp, the Avengers weren’t actually all killed in a book with their name on it! This is unprecedented!

And Silver Surfer is ready to explain their unlikely survival of giant crushing boot.

See, Silver Surfer wasn’t quite as knocked unconscious as the three Avengers so he played possum. When Molecule Man put the Avengers plus Silver Surfer in the crushing boot and when it was just about to crush, Silver Surfer used the Power Cosmic to disintegrate the bottom part of the boot so that the Avengers and him fell to a lower floor. Completely uncrushed!

So that’s good.

The bad is that Silver Surfer has to report that Tigra is still in Molecule Man’s clutches.

The awkward is that Iron Man and Thor lost their armor and hammer respectively so Cap is like ‘wait, what are Tony Stark and Perfectly Normal Dr. Donald Blake doing here??’

So Tony and Don come clean about his secret ID.

Tony Stark, Actually Iron Man: “I feel a little foolish about keeping that secret from you till now! I’m sure Don feels the same way...”

Donald Blake, Dr. Thor: “Right, Tony...”

So now Cap is in on the secret which previously bound Tony and Don together as the Best Friends Avengers Who Aren’t Beast and Wonder Man.

Remember when they discovered each other’s secret IDs? Good times. Well, weird times. That was the issue when that hates-robots group suicide bombed Vision for dating a meat woman.

Also, Tony was only wearing underwear under the Iron Man armor so Don gave him his suit jacket to wear as a loincloth. Mighty nice of him.

Silver Surfer has just been standing on the sides not caring about all this secret ID nonsense or personal drama so he chimes in to point out that Molecule Man is going to eat the planet unless they stop him.

Cap decides that he and the Surfer have to strike before Molecule Man realizes they’re alive. Tony and Don have the important mission to hide somewhere safe.

Tony and Don object to being sidelined. Strongly.

Tony: “You think Iron Man is just a suit of armor, Cap? Is that what you’re saying?”

Don: “I found this rod to use as a makeshift cane! It won’t change me into a thunder god, but it’ll help me get around -- if only to draw fire!”

Tony: “Like it or not, we’re with you!”

Don: “The Avengers stand assembled, Captain America! Now, lead us!”

Cap: “All right! I get the message! I should have known better than to think you’d -- I mean, you two are the best...”

Tony: “Save it, Cap! We’ve got work to do!”

Aww.

This is everything I could have hoped for out of secret ID reveal. Cap starts thinking of them as civilians now that they have real person names but ultimately it brings them closer as teammates.

I love it. Granted, I love it because my favorite form of Avengers is a group of friends and set of interpersonal dramas roughly shaped like a superhero team.

Later, in the nighttime and in the room that Molecule Man made for Tigra.

... Wow, Molecule Man.

Wow.

So we’ve got a giant cat shaped bed. A giant, terrifying cat head on the wall. And a giant ball of yarn. But not giant sized cat tree? Fie and shame.

Anyway, Tigra is sitting on bed lamenting and decrying the Fantastic Four’s failure. Especially as it pertains to her situation.

Tigra: “I -- I just can’t believe the Fantastic Four failed! How could they let me -- and the world down like that? How could they? Right now, Reed Richards is probably locked in his lab trying to invent a gizmo that’ll pierce the dome! Hmf! Who knows how long that might take? The Molecule Man plans to eat the Earth tomorrow morning!”

Nothing like a nice filling breakfast, I guess.

She grants that Reed doesn’t know there’s an everyone’s-deadline so instead Tigra bemoans that it’s all up to her.

Tigra: “I should have tried to jump him today! I can’t believe I didn’t! I was standing right next to him a couple of times! I’m cat-quick! Why didn’t I lunge at him and claw him to shreds before he could move? Could it be because my muscles felt like jelly -- ? I was trembling -- ? In shock -- ? Afraid of him? Hey, shouldn’t I be? I mean, I saw him crush my friends to a bloody smear! And I had a spooky feeling that he was somehow, secretly ready for an attack -- and hoping I’d give him an excuse to dice me into furry cubes!”

And because this is a Tigra character beat page, she also thinks about how easy the hero gig used to seem when it was for smaller stakes. But with the actual literal fate of the world at stake... “I never thought that when the big test came I’d be a scaredy cat!”

But she remembers what Cap said during the Ghost Rider story that its not wrong to be frightened if you don’t let fear dictate your actions.

So she creeps out into the night to Molecule Man’s bedroom.

Oh, that’s a neat touch.

Her shadow on the wall looks a lot like a tiger because her hair curls at the end like a tail.

Neat.

So anyway, she doesn’t understand how Molecule Man can be so confident that he’s just sleeping with his door wide open and with no defenses and wonders if there’s a trap or whether he’s just counting on her to think that there’s a trap.

She’s about five seconds from a full-blown I know you know that I know that you know episode.

The only way to find out is just go for it so she creeps into the room. The garish room.

This is even more wow than Tigra’s room.

But as she creeps into the room and up to the enormous, ridiculous bed, she realizes that she has to kill him. If she attacks and doesn’t kill him with the first strike, what he could do is too horrible for her to imagine.

But what she doesn’t realize is that Molecule Man isn’t sleeping soundly and isn’t unprepared. 

He’s stretched monomolecular filaments across the room, too thin for even Tigra to spot.

Now usually monomolecular filaments is one of those ‘oops I’ve been cut to pieces by invisible wires’ thing. You’ve probably seen it in a couple of anime. But this is more like a bunch of cans on a string.

Tigra breaks one of the filaments while she creeps forward. Something that she couldn’t possibly know but which instantly alerts him.

And his response is a “Oh, ho! Just wait’ll she tries it! This’ll be fun!”

Because Tigra’s instinct was correct. Molecule Man was keeping her around just to kill when she finally tried anything. Its been a game. See how far he can push Tigra and how messily he can deal with her when she loses.

This is pretty tense stuff! Well, it lasts a page so it doesn’t overfocus on this specific tense scenario but still!

Tigra: “I’m in range! All I’ve got to do is spring and... and kill him! He murdered my friends! He’s going to destroy the whole world! I’ve got to kill him! Come on, lady! Do it! What’s wrong? He deserves it! He’s a murderer -- ! A rotten little wimp! He calls you ‘kitty’! Kill him! I hate him! I hate him! but... i just can’t kill him!”

And apologizing to Cap for not being able to go through with it, she slinks out of the room trying to think of another way.

Inside the room, Molecule Man sits up disgruntled, just not understanding at all why she didn’t go through with it. There’s no way she could have known that he was ready for her so why wouldn’t she try to do a murder!

And then as Tigra is wishing she had someone to talk to, someone grabs her and pulls her around a corner.

Boom, a comedy after all that one page of tension.

And it’s Cap because there’s like four people it could have been.

Tigra is elated that the Cap is alive, that she’s not alone anymore! And she tries to confess that she attempted to kill Molecule Man to avenge the Avengers. That maybe she should have because now she might lose them again!

Tony: “You did fine, Tigra! Relax!”

But she doesn’t feel like she did fine so she tries to explain that she let the Avengers down by giving into cowardice. She told Molecule Man she liked him to stay alive.

Cap: “Good strategy, Tigra -- preserving your life so you’d be able to carry on the battle!”

She tries to explain it wasn’t strategy so much as being terrified but she gets distracted because she’s just realized that in this group of Cap and Silver Guy there’s two people she doesn’t know.

Cap: “Dr. Don Blake, who’s secretly Thor and Tony Stark who is Iron Man’s alter ego!”

Her mood immediately flips.

Tigra: “You guys are really Thor and Iron Man? Really? And it’s okay for me to know? Really?”

Tony Stark: “Why not? Somehow those secrets seem pretty trivial, what with the world on the verge of being the Molecule Man’s breakfast!”

He says that but he still looks pretty annoyed at Cap just blurting it out.

And geez, Cap, you gotta let people reveal their own secret identities. Or make up some dumb excuse that everyone instantly believes.

Its the done thing.

In terms of Avengers drama though this is pretty good. Thor, Cap, and Iron Man have been working together for a really long time. Even though Cap didn’t form the Avengers he’s basically been there so long they consider him an honorary founder.

Cap learning Iron Man and Thor’s secret identities can be a ‘we should have told you sooner!’ thing.

Tigra just joined the team! Like a week ago!

They need to work together now and there’s probably no smooth lie that could paper over where Iron Man and Thor went and why these two are here now but its probably still a little galling that Cap just blurts it out to the newest person on the team.

Its great. I’d love to see the repercussions of this.

Anyway, time is short so Tony gets to explaining the plan.

He found his broken armor and managed to scavenge enough bits and pieces to make a little device he’s calling a screamer. It’ll emit a high-pitched noise that should disorient Molecule Man.

And then the device just poofs into smoke in Tony’s hand.

Whoops, Molecule Man overheard their plan to beat up Molecule Man and also heard Tony call him names.

So he pulls together all the loose dust in the room and uses it to strangle Tony.

Wow, they’ve gone from having a “layered assault” to watching someone literally choke on Molecule Man’s dust. That’s got to be the quickest turnaround from hope to nope.

Tigra goes wild, rushing at Molecule Man and screaming that she shoulda killed him before and she’s damn well going to scratch his face off now!

But Molecule Man asks her to talk to the hand. Zing.

Puns.

Although “Don’t scream at me, Kitty! ‘Cause I’ll slap you down!”

Sure. That’s good wordplay too.

Having just been comedically (although seriously) WHAP!’d across the room, Tigra has her own words to say.

Tigra: “You -- you weak, slimy excuse for a human being! How could I have stooped so low as to humble myself to garbage like you? So you’ve got power! Big deal! You were a nerd before -- you’re still a nerd! You were a mistake! You shouldn’t even have been born! You crybaby! All you do is blame the world for your own inedequacy! Go on, kill me, nerd! I despise living in the same world with you!”

Wow. She really took all those personal details he shared and slapped him upside the head with them.

Goes to show. Don’t try to destroy the world. People will have rude things to say.

Meanwhile, Cap and Silver Surfer are trying to save Tony but can’t clear the super condense dust faster than Molecule Man gathers it.

Cap tells Tigra to get Molecule Man because that’s their only chance but Tigra is too hurt from being slapped by a giant hand.

Molecule Man: “I’ve got to hand it to you guys, it must’ve taken some doing to escape my crusher! This time, I’m going to make sure you’re dead! Hmm... someone’s missing! But who?”

And he’s done process of elimination and realized that the guy Thor turned into is missing and figures he ran away when Entirely Normal But Furious Dr. Donald Blake tells Molecule Man to grit his teeth.

And then Molecule Man runs off yelling because Dr. Donald Blake can throw down. He possibly broke Molecule Man’s nose with that one punch.

Good job, Dr. Donald Blake.

With Molecule Man not focusing on the dust thing, Tony is free of the dust thing but unconscious. Dr. Donald Blake tells the others that he’ll take care of Tony and that they should go chase Molecule Man since they can run better than he can.

So Cap, Tigra, and Silver Surfer go off in pursuit of Molecule Man.

Silver Surfer reminds that he can track Molecule Man’s unique energies. Cap helpfully points out that they can also just track the trail of blood drips from Molecule Man’s nose. And Tigra goes ‘also I can smell him’ because its good to have three different ways to find a guy.

They find him in some sort of throne room (curled up in pain on the throne) and charge at him. But he’s not in the mood for their shenanigans.

So he sends a tidal wave of molecules at them.

Cap shouts for Silver Surfer to do something and he does do something indeed.

The Surfer blasts the wave of matter with the power cosmic so hard that it transmutes into raw energy and just explodes through the top of the palace in a beautiful pyrotechnic display.

It also completely exhausts the Surfer and he just kind of plops down for a nap right there on the ground.

Cap tells Tigra to watch the Surfer and then goes to take the Molecule Man on alone.

This isn’t a great plan but also their already small roster has kind of dwindled to this point.

And maybe Cap sort of doesn’t want to throw Tigra at Molecule Man when she’s already been hurt and was voicing all those doubts earlier. Can’t say for sure. She’s about to offer for help but Cap is like ‘WHOOPS NOW OR NEVER!’

Molecule Man must be in a whimsical mood, I mean more so than usual have you seen what he’s been getting up to? Because he converts some of the furnishings into a bunch of stars to shoot at Cap.

Its funny because Cap wears a star. It’d be ironic if he got smacked in the face with one, probably.

But Molecule Man activated Cap’s speechifying and that buffs him because nobody likes hearing Cap talk about freedom and justice and doing right more than Cap probably.

What I’m saying is that he leaps and gambols between the stars and I feel its because he has Stuff To Say that he’s doing so well.

Cap: “You make me sick, mister! They say power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely,  and you’re living proof of it! You might kill me! After all, I’m just an ordinary man -- but men like me have always found a way to bring high-and-mighty tyrants like you to their knees! There’s never enough power to save madmen like you -- from ultimate, bitter defeat!”

WAK!

And perhaps it wasn’t just his agility that was improved by inspirational speeching himself. Because he knocks Molecule Man down with that one punch and he doesn’t get back up.

Or maybe Molecule Man just has a glass jaw.

Don Blake and Tony Stark show up and Silver Surfer wakes up but he runs in with the rest anyway for some reason. Tony tells Tigra to watch Molecule Man while he has an Important Debate with Cap.

See, Tony has realized something. Knocking down Molecule Man is just the first step. If Molecule Man gets back up, he might start eating the Earth again and the Avengers might not be able to stop him.

So he asks Don Blake if there’s a medical way to just sort of keep Molecule Man knocked out.

Don Blake: “How? We can’t just keep hitting him on the head -- this isn’t a T.V. show! I mean, how hard do you hit him? How many times can you do that before causing serious brain damage... or death?”

Realism? In a comic book? What are YOU doing here??

Anyway, Tony doesn’t see any other option but to kill Molecule Man.

Cap protests that Molecule Man is a human being with rights to due process and a trial by jury of his peers!

But Tony is convincing the others. As an Actual Doctor, Don Blake doesn’t like to hear this. He wants to save lives. But he can’t refute Tony.

And Silver Surfer also seems on Team Tony.

Silver Surfer: “I understand what it is to sacrifice one life so that a multitude, a world might live! It seems clear that this Molecule Man cannot be imprisoned or held in check! He... must die to save the Earth... though I could never bring myself to slay him!”

Don’t you have the power cosmic? Surely there’s a power cosmic option available?

To be fair though his the power cosmic might be exhausted at the moment.

Still. Geez, Silver Surfer. ‘He gotta die but 1-2-3-not-it’ is really how you’re playing this??

Meanwhile, Tigra has decided that being asked to watch Molecule Man implies a certain duty perhaps even responsibility to tell him how much he sucks. Which is a lot.

And recall that she’s already told him how much he sucks earlier in the fight. So she has found a second wind in telling him how much he sucks.

Tigra: “You little jerk! Don’t you see? Cap was wrong! Power very seldom corrupts! It usually doesn’t change anything! It just magnifies what’s already there, whether it’s good and noble or evil and petty!”

“You were a nerd before... now you’re a powerful nerd! Big deal! Dummy! The shame of it is that with your power you can build... you can contribute! You don’t have to be a loser anymore!”

“Why are you such a fool? Why can’t you see that killing a planetful of people doesn’t make you even -- it just make you lonelier than ever!”

Wow. It feels like Tigra could hypothetically be talking about all different kinds of entitled nerds who then become the jerks as adults!

Anyway.

Tony and Cap are still arguing.

Tony, at least, isn’t going to ask someone to do something he wouldn’t do himself. I.e., he’s going to kill Molecule Man himself and save four billion people.

Cap: “Tony... please! I can’t let you do this!”

Tony: “You can take me in for murder afterward, Cap, but for now, stand aside! I’m warning you...”

Cap: “You’ll have to go through me, Tony...”

You’re warning him, Tony? You don’t have armor. You don’t even have pants. What are you going to do to supersoldier Captain America?

Logic aside, what strikes me is how much this foreshadows.

Before Civil War contrived that superhero registration, the big hot button superhero debate issue is whether superheroes should kill in extreme circumstances.

Spoilers for the NINETIES but the Regular and West Coast Avengers will come to schism and Cap and Iron Man will basically break up over whether or not to kill the Kree Supreme Intelligence after it engineered a war that killed 90% of the Kree people on purpose.

Shooter is long gone by that point but I guess someone is going to pick up the thread.

Because the debate doesn’t get settled here or rather does, sorta, in favor of Cap but not in a way he expects.

Interrupting the sad fist fight between Cap and a nearly naked man, Molecule Man pops up and tells everyone that Tigra has convinced him to turn his life around.

Tigra: “Guys, Mr. Owen Reece and I have talked, and, well, I convinced him to give himself up!”

Mr. Owen Reece: “Yes, I want to start seeing a therapist!”

Cap: “huh?”

Mr. Owen Reece: “I know I’ll have to go to jail... but that’s okay! It’ll give me time to think things out! I’ll make an opening in the dome now so you can call the authorities!”

Don Blake: “s-sure!”

God, that is just great. I love this as a resolution so much. This is a resolution that Squirrel Girl would bring us, although we’d get more of the actual convincing.

Still very, very good. Good to be optimistic in comics sometimes. Sometimes villains can seek redemption if only a cat yells at them long enough.

Although I think the best part is how baffled everyone is by the plot twist.

So with but a “Soon...” caption, the police have come to pick up Mr. Owen Reece and brought Miss Hanrahan who is going to be his therapist.

Holy crap, a therapist in Marvel who isn’t Doc Sampson but will work with superpowered nonsense!

Can we bring Miss Hanrahan back??

A couple things I like here.

One is that Mr. Owen Reece has changed off-panel into a suit instead of his supervillain costume. Now that’s him making an honest effort.

Two is Very Annoyed Tony Stark in the back of the pack of Avengers. He’s wearing a handkerchief as a mask because someone might recognize him as Tony Stark and then wonder ‘hey why is Tony Stark here.’

Three is the proud smile from Tigra when seeing Mr. Owen Reece meet his therapist.

Melts my heart a little.

Before he goes away to jail, Mr. Owen Reece takes a quick sidebar with the Avengers.

He retroactively feels just awful about ruining their various gadgets so he decides to make right.

He reintegrates Mjolnir, Toomie the surfboard, and Cap’s shield exactly as they were. Original molecules and all! They were so weird that he remembered where they all went.

As for Iron Man’s Iron Man armor.... look, he did his best.

Mr. Owen Reece: “But your armor, with all those complicated electronic gadgets is just too tricky for me to reassemble! You needed something more proper to wear till you get home, though -- so I whipped up some red and gold cloth and made you an Iron Man leisure suit! I hope it’s okay!”

Amazing. Simply incredible.

Although I think my favorite part was Mr. Owen Reece realizing ‘hey Iron Man should be wearing pants!’

Anyway, he also takes apart his Molecule Man Doom Fortress and puts those molecules back where he found them. More or less. He tries.

And, yes, he does rebuild the entire town of Netcong, New Jersey. Except the plumbing.

In a funny call back to Reece admitting he doesn’t really understand plumbing, none of the plumbing in the rebuilt town works.

Later, back at Avengers Mansion, Silver Surfer is offered a spot on the team but turns it down.

FOR THE PATHS OF DESTINY DO BECKON HIM DOWN A LONELY ROAD THAT MUST BE TRAVELED ALONE

Its the only who he has ever known. Except for all the time he spend with Galactus. Or the Defenders. Or later on when he has a companion to take on space nonsense.

Tigra also takes this time to say farewell.

Tigra: “I’m just not in the same league as you guys! I mean, sure I’ve got lots of super-ability, and, usually, I'm even pretty heroic -- but not up to your standard! I mean two of you, without your powers, no less, really showed me what it’s all about back there! And let’s face it, you guys mess with some heavy-duty opposition! I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead!”

=C

Noooooooooo

But but but Tigraaa you were a source of joy and fuuuuuuuun

You only joined at the end of #211! It’s only been about a week in-universe!

Darn.

The three other Avengers all say their goodbyes.

Thor reminds her that she was the one who turned around Mr. Owen Reece but Tigra says she got lucky.

Iron Man gives her one of Tony Stark’s cards and tells her to call Tony Stark who is definitely not him anytime she needs anything.

Jarvis even tears up at her leaving, although he denies it because a good butler never dies on duty and then blames his allergies.

And then Tigra is off. Damn. If I didn’t know who might be joining the Avengers soon I’d be completely inconsolable instead of just very.

So now the Avengers are down to just three members. That’s not a team. That’s a crossover. Probably why Jarvis wonders if a membership drive is in order.

NEXT: The return of... Yellowjacket, the Wasp, and Egghead!

I’m game for Wasp coming back! Don’t think it likely that Yellowjacket is just going to come back to the team just like that! And Egghead? The villain who blew up a city with a killsat and killed Hawkeye’s brother? Unlikely recruit!

(No I know that’s not what the NEXT means)

Hey, follow @essential-avengers​ because the Hank Pym just keeps happening. Like and reblog too please. Be sad with me that Tigra is gone.

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

Dreaming While I Wake

Sanders Sides Foster Care AU - Roman-centric Angst & Hurt/Comfort & Abuse Recovery

Roman tries to be upbeat and hopeful despite all the shit that’s happened to him. And a lot of shit has. Luckily, his new foster home is with two literal rays of sunshine (and a sarcastic asshole).

Words: 3,888  Triggers: spoilers.  Characters: Roman, Thomas, Minor Characters Universe: Dreaming While I Wake Genre: Power Angst

Chapter 12 (Check end notes for trigger warnings)

chapter 1 for new readers - ffn mirror

   Melatonin was bullshit and didn’t work in the least. Roman had tried it ages ago. It’s not like he didn’t have internet access. He could google home insomnia remedies. Melatonin, 5-HTP, valerian, kava kava, blah blah blah. Lavender, Milk and honey, Sleepytime tea, bloo bloo bloo. None of it worked. Roman always laid awake for hours. It’s not like he liked being stuck awake in bed. He definitely didn’t like wasting his hard-earned money on sleep remedies that don’t work. Kava kava was too damn expensive and it gave him stomach cramps and he was still mad at it. It’s not like he wasn’t trying. And he really was tired. His muscles were screaming for a break. He just wasn’t sleepy.

   Roman glanced at the clock. It was a little rough to read in the shadows cast by the night light, but it looked like it was closing in at 1 AM. Roman was so fucking bored, and sick of being tortured by his head with regrets and memories. He shot a glance at his desk. He could probably keep a journal next to his bed and not get in trouble. If he angled himself the right way he could hide that he was drawing or writing even if someone entered the bedroom through blanket piles. He had enough money to buy a journal, but he could just use one of his old school ones if there was room. His sketchbook would be way too obvious that it’s not a dream journal or something.

   He could use that by the nightlight or a little flashlight Roman had from an old home until midnight and try to sleep then. Roman hadn’t fallen asleep before midnight- not counting naps induced by soul-wrenching emotional bullshit- in years. Roman could remember watching the clock with Remus even before his mom died. It’s why they used to make up stories together. It would almost be like keeping the tradition alive. But it was already after midnight, and Roman was bored now. He tapped his fingers against the mattress and rolled over again. Roman wished he had a DS or something. Maybe one of those relaxing farming games one of his friends at his old school liked. That would be nice. The older one he could afford if he found a new job. He could ask them tomorrow if he was allowed to.

   It still didn’t solve right now, of course. But thinking about things he could be doing was better than thinking about all the things he’d fucked up recently. And there were lots. All those times he pissed off Patton. He ran away from Thomas multiple times. Talked back. Was rude. Stayed up late. Slept in. Said stupid shit. Made multiple scenes in public. They bought him things he didn’t deserve. Not that he deserved any of this. He probably deserved a shitty home since he was a shitty kid. The Finley’s were right to kick him back. He probably wasn’t taking care of their kids well enough and doing a shit job of taking care of their house on top of being a general disappointment. They needed somebody better who could help them with their math homework and was more on task. The Sanders will see sense soon and kick him back, too. They all do. The Sanders deserve somebody nice and focused and impressive and gets good grades and stuff.

   Not that he thought he could survive another… Jet situation. Literally. But there had to be a middle ground between the Sanders and the Halls. One where he didn’t get guns pulled on him but also didn’t have all these things he didn’t deserve around him, reminding him of how much of a failure he was and that he was a piece of shit. And how much all of it Roman wasn’t supposed to have. He didn’t earn any of it. Roman wasn’t supposed to be here. Roman’s breath hitched, and he rolled over again. He felt really trapped and got up out of bed, starting to pace the room and trying to breathe. There was even space to pace in here. Holy fucking shit, he didn’t deserve any of this. He wasn’t supposed to be here.

   Roman crossed his arms and rubbed them, his nails digging in, shuffling back and forth across the bedroom floor. He didn’t feel safe. He didn’t belong here. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He had to get out of here. He couldn’t leave though. Could he? Roman shook his head and violently ruffled his hair as he paced. He could try to hide, wait this out, wait till he felt better. But he couldn’t sit still. He wanted to run. He wanted to run so badly. He didn’t deserve to be here, and it hurt so bad. He felt like screaming as he yanked his hands through his hair again. He paced fasted and shook the hairs out from between his fingers before bracing his arms tight again.

   He had to run. Running helped before, right? And everything was screaming at him that he should run, that he fucked up and he needed to get out of there. Roman choked on his closing throat and paused in the middle of the bedroom, looking around again. He felt trapped in this room. It was so easy to block the door. Second-story window. They could find him in the closet. He had to go. He had to go. He couldn’t breathe in here. He had to run. Roman grabbed the door keys off the dresser and hurried down the stairs. He had to go. He had to leave. Roman locked the front door behind him and bolted across the lawn and down the street. He didn’t know or care where he was going, he just knew he had to run. He had to get out of there and he had to run.

   Roman panted as he bolted farther away, his vision blurring slightly down the dark streets. He dodged the street lights and kept his distance from fences, just like they taught him. It was easy. It was the only easy thing. He was pushing his luck not wearing all black, but he grew out of all that stuff. And he had to run. He didn’t have time to change. He had to go. He needed to keep going. Running made sense. Running was right. It hurt to breathe, but he could breathe out here, and he wasn’t trapped anymore. Roman kept running. His bare feet pounded, his lungs burned raw, and he kept running. Roman kept running until he couldn’t keep going anymore.

   Roman’s throat burned and the sharp night air cut into him as he sprinted down the streets. Hide. He had to hide. He couldn’t keep going right now. He had to hide and take a break. He must have been far enough to be safe. He just needed somewhere easy to escape, to hide. Roman vaguely recognized the high school and headed that way, jumping the chain-link fence and headed over to the unlit bleachers. It would be dark and there would be crevices, but he could easily bolt from it if he had to. He sped towards them and ducked under the support bars, skidding to a stop and tucking himself under a low row where it was the darkest. Roman could barely make out his hand in front of his face. Hidden. Safe. He curled into a ball, and broke down quietly, sobbing into his pajama pants instantaneously.

—

   “Hey, what are you doing under there?” A voice called loudly and shook Roman awake. He looked up blearily from his legs and looked around for the source of the voice. “Come out, right now!” It shouted. Roman’s breath hitched from the loud noise waking him up. He didn’t realize he had fallen asleep. He was crying for what felt like hours. Roman exhaled and crawled to his feet, holding his hands up as he ducked his way out from under the bleachers. “I asked you what you were doing here,” The police officer coming into view in the pale morning light reiterated.

   “I, uh, I don’t know,” Roman admitted quietly, still holding his hands up and stopping under the bleachers with enough height to stand but keeping a safe distance from the officer.

   “Louder,” He demanded.

   “I just ended up here! I don’t know!” Roman said, louder and freaking out a bit. “I’m sorry!” The officer spoke quietly into his walkie.

   “Show me your ID,” He ordered Roman.

   “I don’t have any,” Roman replied quickly, his heart pounding and his hands starting to shake in the air.

   “How old are you, son?” He asked, pointing a blindingly bright flashlight into Roman’s face. Roman squinted his eyes and recoiled from the light, but kept his hands in the air.

   “15. Am I f-free to go?” Roman stammered out. Jet taught him this stuff. He knew what to do. It didn’t make it any less terrifying.

   “No, you are not. Turn out your pockets,” The officer demanded.

   “I do not consent to a search,” Roman said as passively as he could manage, but his voice was shaking along with the rest of him. It hurt to from exhaustion hold up his arms like this, but just seeing the officer was enough to send him straight back into panic mode.

   “Are you hiding something, boy?” The police officer asked.

   “No,” Roman croaked. He had nothing worth hiding. He just couldn’t be searched. He couldn’t. Even carrying nothing he couldn’t be searched. Roman’s heart pounded painfully in his throat while the officer stared him down.

   “Step out from under the bleachers, now,” The officer said, stepping back. Roman complied, ducking under the support bar and stopping with his hands still in the air right as he walked out. The officer stepped forward and patted Roman down. Roman swallowed heavily and stayed still.

   “What are these?” The officer asked, tapping on the lump in Roman’s pajama pants pocket.

   “H-house keys, sir. Am I free t’go now?” Roman supplied, unable to shake the weakness and fear from his voice. His feet kind of burned and stung, but he couldn’t look down to check at them. He was too frightened of the cop to look away from him.

   “No, you have violated curfew laws,” The police officer said, stepping back.

   “The sun is up, s-sir, curfew is lifted at 5 AM. I h-have not,” Roman refuted him shakily.

   “How do you know so much about curfew law, boy?” He asked, shining that bright-ass flashlight right in his face again. It strained the hell out of his eyes and his eyebrows were so furrowed they hurt. He could almost feel every hair.

   “It’s every citizen’s duty to know the local laws,” Roman parroted, swallowing heavily. It was easier when he had a script. His arms felt like bricks and they were so hard to hold up. It was so hard to breathe. It was so hard to keep standing.

   “That it is, boy. But you’re still trespassing on school property,” The police officer said intensely. Roman recoiled slightly and coughed, trying to open back up his throat.

   “Campus is open to students as soon as administration gets here. There are cars in the lot,” Roman supplied, glancing past the officer to the parking lot. He could do this, right? It had to be almost over. It had to be. He couldn’t take this much longer.

   “You seem to know a lot for somebody who doesn’t know why they’re here,” The officer said suspiciously.

   “I was out for a run and wasn’t paying a-attention to where I was going. I was taking a b-break under the bleachers. Am I free to g-go?” Roman asked again after trying to explain himself. And it was the truth, as difficult as it was to spit out.

   “Do you have an ID for this school as a supposed student?” The officer asked, raising an eyebrow.

   “I didn’t bring my w-wallet for a r-run,” Roman replied. He actually didn’t have an ID yet, but he didn’t need to incriminate himself any further. The officer was clearly grasping at straws, and Roman just wanted to get out of here. The officer stepped back and talked into his walkie again, leaving Roman to stand there silently. His arms drooped slightly, but he kept them up, powered purely by adrenaline at this point.

   “What’s your name, boy?” He asked after a few moments of talking to the quiet walkie strapped to him. Roman was close enough to hear the garbled noises coming from it, but his heart was pounding so loudly in his ears he couldn’t make anything out.

   “Roman Reinhart,” Roman responded, shaking. This couldn’t be good. Roman swallowed thickly again and tried to stop shaking so obviously. He wasn’t sure it was actually possible with all the adrenaline pumping through him. He’d probably be shaking for days. If he had eaten or drank anything in the past 10 hours he would have thrown up already. The officer talked more into his walkie. Roman’s throat tightened even worse as he waited patiently for the cop’s permission to leave. He just wanted to run. He wanted to run so badly, even worse than before.

   “Your parents are looking for you. Seems you didn’t tell ‘em you went out for a run, huh?” The police officer said angrily and put away his flashlight. Holy fucking shit. They were awake? It was too early for them to be awake, right? Oh god, oh god, oh god- “You’re coming with me to the station so they can pick you up,” The officer demanded. No! No, No!

   “I can walk home sir, it’s only a few blocks away,” Roman objected, feeling like his knees were about to give out. He could feel the cold sweat dampening his back and he just couldn’t breathe deep enough.

   “That’s not how this is playing out, boy, follow me,” The officer ordered harshly and Roman’s head swam and there were spots in his eyes. No, no, he can’t go with the cops. He can’t go with the cops. He’d be in so much trouble. It was the most important rule. He needed to run. He can’t move, his legs won’t work. Why won’t they work? Why couldn’t he feel his legs? Roman barely registered as his vision dropped to the ground and he gasped for air. He can’t go, he can’t, he needs to run, he’s got to get out of here go go go go go- Roman’s vision faded and he watched a pair of work boots come up to him. He couldn’t hear anything other than the screaming objections in his own head. Things went black.

—

   Roman’s eyes opened, and the room spun. He heaved for a moment and tried to blink some sense into himself. He wasn’t sure what was going on or why everything was so distant. His ears were ringing, and his vision was completely blurred. Something felt hard underneath him. Did he fall asleep in the closet again? He rubbed his eyes to try to get his vision back. Everything was still blurry. He looked around and was blinded by fluorescent lights and saw men in uniforms and his breath immediately hitched. He was arrested. He was caught. Jet was going to kill him if his foster parents didn’t first. He was going to go to jail. He was going to get way worse in jail than the Halls would do to him. This couldn’t be happening. Roman choked and gasped in panic.

   “Holy shit, holy fucking shit, no no no-” Roman started to ramble objections incoherently and curled into himself. An officer turned to look at him on the floor and Roman grasped his own head tightly in a panic, not sure what to do. He had to get out of here. He was already caught! They already knew! He had to go. He was trapped in here! Roman’s heart pounded like it was trying to explode. No, no, no no-

   “No, No!” Roman screamed and balled into himself as tight as he could and tried to breathe, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe, he was going to die, this was it, he was going to die, thank god, he couldn’t do this anymore, he couldn’t, he couldn’t breathe. His blood was on fire. His heart was pounding violently, thudding everywhere he had veins. He was caught, he could feel his blood running, everything hurt so much. The police had him. He couldn’t breathe. Roman’s throat closed in on itself and he gasped for air and his lungs and eyes burned like there was wasp venom in them and it was all over. He was so tired. He couldn’t take it anymore. He squeezed himself as tight as his burning limbs would let him as his vision crossed and things went black again. Finally.

—

   Fucking shit, everything hurt so bad. Damnit, he wasn’t supposed to get hit by the party bus, but he fucking was. There was an odd beeping. Does hell have incessant beeping? That seems pretty tame. It was really annoying though. It’d probably wear on him pretty quick with how loud it was. Roman groaned and tried to open his eyes, but it was just so fucking bright. Everything glowed a burning orange-red, even behind his closed eyelids. This was definitely hell. Huh. The Miller’s were right. If he saw Jack Miller here, he’d still fucking clock him, though. He’d show them fucking devil child. Maybe he could come back as an actual demon and haunt their asses for trying to ‘save’ him. Roman tried to raise his arm to cover his eyes, but it was so heavy that it took some genuine effort. He covered his eyes, but it was just still so bright. How was everything so bright? An arm should be thick enough. What was in his arm? It was cold.

   “Roman?” A hopeful voice asked. What the fuck? That can’t be right. This was hell. What’s with the nice in hell? “Roman, are you awake?” A kind voice asked, and there was a loud shuffling noise. God, they were too loud. Was he being punished by somebody who pretended to be nice? Because that’s really sick, Satan. No wonder god banished him. Roman tried to hide from the light again but there was no angle his arm could take to save him, especially with that thing in it. And that beeping! Why was it so loud?

   “Brightness and beeping are really fucking weird torture methods, dude,” Roman groaned, feeling his head pound from his own words. “The pain makes sense, but I was told there’d be boiling blood and shit,” Roman grumbled.

   “Roman, what are you talking about?” The kind voice asked, sounding confused. That was clearly a trap. Devils don’t act nice or confused unless they were fooling someone.

   “Nuh-uh, you’re not tricking me into no bullshit, satan,” Roman grumbled, slowly curling his finger to flip him off.

   “Hello, good to see you awake!” Another voice chirped, and it was so loud Roman flinched and god that hurt worse than before. Holy shit.

   “Go away, loud she-demon,” Roman grunted and slowly flipped off in the noise’s direction with his other hand.

   “Does he normally act like that?” She asked, sounding concerned.

   “No, he’s pretty quiet and polite, I think, other than a bit of attitude,” The kind guy said along with more loud shuffling. Ugh!

   “Listen, the beeping is plenty of torture, stop with the loudness already,” Roman hissed. The beeping really was wearing on him. He could swear he could feel it in his teeth. Props to lead torture designer or whatever. He regretted ever questioning the beeping’s validity as a torture method.

   “I’m going to check your blood pressure,” She said. That’s a fucking weird thing to do.

   “Fuck off already,” Roman muttered. She lifted his arm, and he wasn’t quite capable of doing much other than mildly failing, and she wrapped something around his upper arm.

   “Sit still, Mr. Reinhart,” She said, holding his arm in place. Roman stopped fighting it. He was too damn tired. He was here forever anyway. The world had ended and all that, no coming back from hell.

   “Hey, hell’s at the end of eternity, right? I don’t remember what I was running for Jet. He didn’t, like, get fucked over, did he?” Roman asked weakly. He hoped Jet was okay. If Roman was running something valuable, it would have been a colossal fucking problem for him.

   “Do you think this is hell, Mr. Reinhart?” The voice asked as a ton of pressure built up on his upper arm. It pinched and stung.

   “Yeah, it’s not like I’d go to heaven, the shit I’ve done,” Roman chuckled slightly, trying to laugh off his guilt, but there was a sharp pain on his ribs. “Son of a bitch,” He hissed and tried to move to put his free arm over the spot, but even a little more light filtering through his eyelids burned and he couldn’t take it.

   “Do you think you’re dead, Roman?” The kind-sounding guy asked. What was with this? Was the confusion part of the torture? Was the nice tone? Devils are supposed to know about you and your sins.

   “Thank god. Or whatever you’re supposed to say here. No, fuck it, thank him. My foster parents would have fucking killed me for getting arrested in a much more painful method than my heart failing. I got my ass beat for taking an apple without asking, they’d fuck me up! And prison? I’m glad I was saved from all of that,” Roman grunted. There was a pause as the pressure on his arm released.

   “Roman, how old do you think you are?” The kind voice asked, sounding perplexed.

   “13. Duh. They always say live fast and die young,” Roman said, trying to throw up the horns but giving up partway through.

   “The police officers said he had a panic attack and passed out just before I got there,” The guy said.

   “Man, how is anybody supposed to react? It’s a first-degree felony. They would have tried me as an adult, dude,” Roman grunted.

   “What is a first-degree felony?” The guy asked.

   “What am I, a narc?” Roman scoffed. The dude didn’t answer about Jet. Why should Roman say anything?

   “His blood pressure is elevated, but within an acceptable range, and he shouldn’t be dehydrated anymore. Does Roman suffer from mental health issues you didn’t mention on intake?” The lady asked.

   “Not that we were told. We’d only had Roman for 6 days,” The guy sounded nervous. “He… has implied concerning things, though,”

   “Let me go get the doctor, Mr. Sanders,” The lady said.

   “Boo, no doctor torture! What kind of second-rate horror B-Movie is this? Where’s the fuckin’ scorpions and shit?” Roman jeered.

   “Roman, do you know who I am?” The guy asked carefully.

   “Satan,” Roman said resolutely. “And I’m not opening my eyes to look at your devil dick or whatever. I’m a fucking minor, you filthy pervert,” Roman stuck out his tongue. Hell was weird. 

Taglist: @bunny222

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 15

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY LOSES THEIR SHIT ON MAIN:

“Tell her I said: fuck you, you miserable, conniving bitch. I don’t answer her summons. I don’t obey her orders. I’m through. I’m through with her, with all of you—”

THERE’S LORE, BUT IMPORTANTLY MURPHY REMEMBERS WHY THEY THINK CINDER’S HOT. LITERALLY.

already??? already??? yes, already. this chapter is called ‘nothing personal’ anmd i think that this is a lie. this is abt to get very personal very quickly.

It had taken two more days for Glynda’s soul to become bearable enough for Cinder to sit next to her on a bus.

out of the funniest lines they could have used to open the chapter up, this is just Peak. there’s so many moving parts to this. glynda’s rank soul. cinder having to be nice for TWO DAYS to make her chill out. the fact they’re taking the most menial form of transport of all time. oh my god they were sat beside each other. this is already so funny.

Gravity Dust glittered like volcanic glass.

👈😎👈 we sure love volcanoes around here huh

The clearing Cinder found was some twenty minutes from where she left Glynda with instructions for something salty for her.

im almost POSITIVE im not supposed to find these lines funny but cinder you are RADIATING salt you are COMPOSED ENTIRELY of salt please. you’ve asked for smthng salty and glynda’s gonna come back announcing she’s foiled all yr plans on accident again.

Mercury had stopped sending messages a month and a half ago. Emerald’s last one was a week old.

im almost definitely mentioned it in a prior liveblog but its worth remembering: cinder’s relationship w/ merc and em rly was the deciding factor in me suddenly loving her as a character and i just. every interaction they have hurts so good. cinders got TWO kids and even if her face says otherwise she loves them very much and that heals me on the inside

“There’s no way anyone knows about this island. We’re the only ones out here. Merc and I have to get his shitty frozen pizzas airshipped in.”

“Still. Be careful.” She paused for a moment. “...Is that all he’s eating?”

“You know he’d die before he ate a vegetable.”

“He will, at this rate.”

I LOVE U MOMMA CINDER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA this is SO good. this section HEALS ME!!!!!!!! which is good because i have a feeling the rest of this will gore me alive

"I promise. At the end of all of this, I'm coming back and I'm not leaving again. Trust me."

aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA god u cant tell thru text alone but this section is K I L L I N G me and H E A L I N G me and also KIL L I

“It doesn’t have anything to do with trust,” Cinder said, miserably. “I need you to be safe.”

N G M E

The line between us and them had felt so concrete.

god i just. theres so much i still cant say that isnt 👈👈👈😨👈👈👈 but cinder and hati and all this other STUFF happening in the bg is so good and i just love how nuanced this dumbass is. cinder fall, the woman who never wins, and her brief moments of comfort. she is my ANGEEEEEEEEEEL

Now the only thing left was to deliver her to Atlas; if she had to speak with her more to do that, she would.

Not that she wanted to have to admit that to Hati.

cinder:there’s a lot of we and our going on and i’m a little nervous that the more we talk the more thats gonna happen and i gotta say; not a fan.

and [Glynda]’s desperate for—”

A heritage? A purpose? Belonging?

“She’s desperate,” Cinder finished, softly. Then: “She’s coming willingly.”

this might be another 👈😎👈 situation or im just drawing parallels like a three year old with a newfound ruler but HRM. CINDER. HRM.

Rather, her stomach twisted at the implications. Everything was ready. The machine worked. All that was left was to deliver the final piece.

“Okay. Good.” It was good. It was the culmination of years of work.

whats good and fun is watching cinder wrestle w/ her own humanity and its rly good because even as she tries her very best to use ppl to her own ends that pesky lil soft bitch inside makes her second guess everything and its GREAT fun. u can rly see that as soon as she spends longer than an allotted 10 minutes w/ somebody she starts being like ‘hrm. oh no’. oh cinder. u soft bitch. ilu.

The spot beneath his wing, though… Cinder folded into it as though it were meant for her, as though they were meant for each other, bodies fitted so easily. Here, safe, she closed her eyes and dreamed bleakly of the days to come.

i swear to god i cannot wait until [redacted] and [redacted] and [REDACTED] happens cause then i can lose my shit abt this ALL OVER AGAIN but for now. for now. immerse myself in cinder cuddles. im holding back but on the inside im feral

but Cinder was all calm, sliding through the trees like she belonged here. Like it was her domain by birthright.

FERAL.... FERAL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because they were not friends, Glynda asked, “Where are we going?”

i love that glynda has to preface it like a reminder. because they were not friends. because she cannot trust winter. because she blocked oz’s number lmao. it’s great seeing how much more... clinical, i guess, glynda’s thoughts are, and it’s a great way to show the narratives differences? its GOOD is what im trying 2 say on main,

Instead, she complained, “It’s so difficult to be so wanted.”

firstly: i love cinder “i have a complaint” fall is secondly: i am going to read into this. i am going to read into this and divine a second meaning. i am reading into it.

Cinder emerged from the dark like a leviathan sloughing off a sunless sea. It rippled around her shoulders, swallowed the back of her skull, but the only sharpness to her was her smile. It was the first time Cinder had smiled since returning from her meeting with the Manticore.

oho. ohoohohohoooohohohooOUGHHOHOHO she hot. nasty mean lady big hott.

“You don’t scare me,” Glynda insisted.

“Silly you,” said Cinder. “Come on. I’ll lead.”

hohogughgohohoghgh f flirtign.......................,,,,,,,,,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

a faint light was stirring to life before her—suffusing out along Cinder’s chest and throat, spilling from her heart and out through her skin. In the beginning, it was so faint it seemed to be an illusion; but no, soon enough it was undeniable, and Glynda could even make out the rough shapes of the wall and floor.

YEEEEEEEEES i love. glowy lantern cinder. like theres a lot of fun little canons abt cinder in this fic i adore but the fact that she glows is like fuckin TOP. look at her. lil candle baby. shes like a microwave bean toy. i adore her.

She walked like a queen through her domain, seemingly irrespective of where on Remnant they were; even here, underground, in forgotten left-behind places, Cinder reigned.

god im sorry im too busy being gay to even be paying attention to anything rn i LOVE cinder to DEATH,,,,,,,,,, she knows shes the thing 2 be feared around here and its so good. i cant wait for her to open her big mouth and fuck it up again!!!

“High Leader Khan requires your presence in Mistral, Ms. Fall. She advises that you attend promptly, in order to discuss the missing members of our organization.”

A hum. Cinder said, “I don’t want to.”

GHSDFGSDFGHKJDF cinder you are. smthng else. shes just so LIKE THAT. what a great chapter for cinder this has been im SIPPIN baby

okay im doing a lot of leaping haead here and its not for lack of having anything 2 say in fact its QUITE the opposite because this whole bit is. wow. we got lore??? lore??? abt so many things??? what does any of it mean????? I AM NOT SURE BUT IM LOVIN IT (tm)

“It’s not a Semblance, idiot.” The control in Cinder’s voice was all staccato, pitching cold to inferno in an instant. “It was a gift.

okay bear with me for this JUICY LORE but i am Deeply fascinated by this section. im not gonna. say anything because idk how this is tying up yet (bear with) but HOO. HOOOOOOO. im trying to like keep grabbing sections but this whole part is SO GOOD i am loving-- like-- id have to-- TRUST ME THE OG WASNT AS SPICY AS THIS OKAY

THIS IS SO MUCH SPICER AND ITS GOOD

Cinder glowed like the magma heart of a volcano.

ITS SPICY ITS GOOD ITS 👈😍👈

im gonna have to reread this bit to get the full effect because the downside of a liveblog like this is having to stop-start but OUGHGHGHGUGHUGH THE LORE,,, THE MASKS,,, THE FANG??? also sienna dont listen 2 her baby i love u too

Cinder looked like a line to be crossed, and even though they weren’t friends—rather the opposite—Glynda found she didn’t want to cross her. Not now, when the emotion was still raw on her face.

oughgh... the vulnerability. cinder... snoft... but also angery 😔

this was SUCH a good chapter im DYING i love cinder in offal hunt to BITS and this arc is already feeding me so much good shit. fuck yea. FUCK YEA. HELL YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

[uncreativc]

*  ♡ ╰  wong yukhei. twenty three. cismale + he/him  ⁄   any time kendal zheng is in the test kitchen they play boogie by brockhampton. the leo sign has been working at that’s amore for two years as a sugar rusher. since then the ebullient has built a reputation for being goofy & bold but also childish & stubborn. could that be the the reason why their palate enjoys shrimp and pb & j sandwiches ? but it for sure explains why crude drawings on recipes, worn baseball hats, weird late night texts, being loudest person at a party remind me of them. ☇ mars. 18+. she/they. est.

yeah yeah go ahead and say it mars late mars never on time :rolls_eyes:. mars doesnt even know the concept of time so yeah thats who i am and yeah i orbit around nothing thats why my names mars. this is my Himbo kendal no relation to jenner but he might joke about being part of the kardashians. this took way longer than i wanted it too but thats okay watched a video the other day that was doing pokemon races and shuckle won so :D below will be like a semblance of a bio

P I N T E R E S T   |  D O S S I E R 

google searches include: how many teeth do i have, are we running out of almonds, why do people eat corn off the cob, how much would a pyramid cost, am i in a pyramid scheme, if you die on an operating table and come back to life is your birthday changed?

SUUUUPER competitve if there is challenge videos coming out you know hes trying to get in on that. stuck a marble up his nose once to prove he could do it put an entire cupcake in his massive ass mouth no one would stop him. ATE A SPOONFUL OF WASABI FOR WHAT?!

kendal is a middle child and it defintiely shows, their dumbass chaotic nature was definitely born out of being neglected and forgotten about. living in a shadow wasnt the greatest for them and then not even getting the attention of being a baby for long by his moms did their best to be equal with them all but kendal felt ****it****. they play it off as just being goofy and playful most of the time but he can get up to some real trouble when he feels like it. mostly out of just making bad decisions

too much energy - talks too much and is bad for interrupting he generally doesnt really have anything of use to add to a conversation other than weird stories, strange questions, and weird conspiracy theories but hes fun and loud and loves to be the centre of attention. this can be annoying honesly hes friendly and loyal he’d never turn someone down till the day he dies its just... bro is a lot to deal with sometimes hes so much of a loud ass clown and go against clearly something you told him not to do like jump up on a table leave a complete mess in the kitchen squeeze toothpaste in the middle of the tube. you know shit like that.

definitely is scared easily like you could easily scare him in the kitchen hes scared of the most stupid things like dark mirrors, his hair blowing off his body and landing on a dead body and him becoming a suspect for a murder. 

he loooooves camping which is kinda funny for someone who gets scared about the most irrational things. does he think a bear is gonna come and rip his tent apart? yeah probably but he still likes it. defintiely went to boy scouts growing up earned a lot of badges learned how to tie knots you know the usual. only had his moms cheat and make him patches like... once or twice. 

probably forgot it was your birthday or that you invited him out to something. you know the nana you have that never remembers and just sends random gifts and they say happy birthday. yeah thats him.

a little oblivious he wont know if youve caught feelings for him and assumes everything is just playful until otherwise told thats what he gets for flirting too much without even realizing. it gets him into trouble because people think they have something and he’s just like :O i thought we were just bros. maybe if he wasnt so flirty and dumb this wouldnt be a problem but its not going to stop him any time soon. hes very casually flirty with everyone he meets honestly. hes just a goof and a lot of times that shit comes off as super flirting and if you think it is.... youre right!

hes definitely more of a house party kind of guy or get his and sit on the back porch and launch water ballooons at a friend down on the ground. yeah he probably got a concussion from that once because he didnt realize that whiplash is a thing like a true idiot and it definitely knocked him out cold.

has a peanut allergy jokes about either living by the sword that he does not have but swears that he does or die by his peanut allergy.

likes mood rings pokemon cards and worm on a string. yes hes made people worm on a string before as pretty much a friendship bracelet. imagine a dude at a party blasted out of his mind coming up to you and handing you a worm on a string and saying youre his friend and that you deserve this. 

hes a cowboy grew up in the south and definitely plays that up loves dirt biking rock climbing and pretty much everything that doesnt entirely involve working on his farm like he doesnt like horses but does like goats you know? 

asked for an extension through email on his wiiu because he lost his computer somewhere

organized mess. you know that chapstick you dropped like three weeks ago he left it there because he knows exactly where it is. like he could just keep things tidy but what would be the fun in that. doesnt follow recipes like ever just kind of tries to eyeball and remember how things were made

WANTED CONS 

tinder date/ set ups that either led to something or didnt

good friend who hacked their instagram one night and started responding to dms just funny doesnt have to been anything crude. they do it to each other some nights like just hang out

hookups. good or bad. one night stand or on going.

party friends he gave them a worm on a string or something got really fucked up and they tried to make like exactly mcdonlds nuggets the boot ones all night

they stole something from your muse ( bike, spatula, idk anything )  and they caught them LSMDLSMDLMDSLM

they stayed up one night and tried to fully solve a cold case even went to the library so late that they got kicked out. it was a long night full of energy drinks and crazy theories. they still do this sometimes now.

crushes they can be mutual or one sided i really dont mind. like i said before danny kind of gets crushes really easily and they kind of just dissapear out of nowhere as well but like we could work something out

exes good bad or indifferent i really dont mind

old childhod friends could be from summer camp or an old teammate when he used to play more sports, could be literally anything i am down i love past connects 

roommates PLEASE

made edibles that were too strong together ended fucking them over for days

they movie hoped or dine and dashed together like i really dont mind just something funny 

someone he makes videos with id love to brainstorm a really stupid like alt series with another sugar rusher or maybe not even a sugar rusher im down for anything 

rock climbing/paint ball/laser tag friends? video games like smash or something theyre super competitve together 

im good for plotting anything 

[cockbiteproductions]

primed to scream PRIMES! PRIMES! PRIMES!!

f i just typed the answer to most of these questions and chrome crashed so christ i have to fucking retype all these but much condensed because i am lazy.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

chocolate bars. but only milk. my mom buys exclusively Very Dark Chocolate though so i usually just stare at those and Wish.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

well bubblegum or cotton candy flavored stuff neither they both taste nauseating. if we’re talking about the actual stuff then bubblegum because i can pop it. this actually reminded me i have gum in the pantry from the beginning of the semester i havent even opened yet so now my roommates have you to thank for popping noises the next hr or so

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

soda bottles because i dont like to drink soda quickly and so i want to close it and not let the carbon dioxide escape. soda cans a close second because it’s satisfying to open the tab.

7. earbuds or headphones?

wired earbuds because headphones are too big and clunky and you cant easily lay on your side with headphones on. but if my next pair of earbuds break within a month i might consider Switching because ive had 3 break on me in the past month and half and im at my wits end with earbuds.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

i dont eat much for breakfast cause i want to sleep in until the last possible moment and i get stomachaches when i eat a lot in the morning but ill eat a piece of bread and yogurt maybe.

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring but that’s just because i havent used a lanyard before. i think i would like a lanyard. im constantly looking for my keys in bags.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

this pair of black sandals that i have tan lines on my feet from how much ive worn them

19. sleeping position?

ill sleep however... i like sleeping on my left side. on my stomach with my head to the right. on my back with my arms crossover my chest to keep warm. at the end of the bed with my head where my feet should be. i dont move at all when i sleep so freshman year when i had a lofted bed i think my roommate was a bit concerned in the beginning when i refused a bedrail because she thought i might fall. i never fell which was nice.

23. strange habits?

oh man idk i probably have a lot of those but nothing i can think about right now when im being put on the spot.

in elementary school i used to refuse to step on the yellow tiles at school.

29. best way to bond with you?

talk to me about the stuff i love!!!! and watch the stuff i love with me!!!! i am always down to [whatever the rabb.it replacement is these days] stuff with people and just generally both yell at each other and be passionate about stuff. currently what im passionate about is the stuff im screaming over at @winstonbillions​ so talk to me about that stuff!! please. i am always 3 seconds from screaming about ANY of that stuff.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

idk about outfits to kick ass and take names but i have outfits where i get my ass kicked and name taken aka what i wear to exams. which is my tower of pimps shirt which ive deemed lucky. is it lucky in any way? no, but i’m hoping if i wear it enough to exams it might.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag. suitcases are so large and unwieldily. that reminds me i have a suitcase of winter clothes in my trunk i need to take out.

41. last person you texted?

as in actual texts on my phone? that would be my dad. asking him if i should drop my class im failing. 

as for the last person i instant messaged, that would be one of my mutuals through my musical theater sideblog im currently yelling at about [musical theater related interest]. im not kidding guys talk to me about the stuff i post about on @winstonbillions​ PLEASE

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

2 months ago i would have said hoodie but im kinda becoming a cardigan kind of person now. theyre just Soft and and Long and Casual and i love them. hoodies are too hard to take off.

47. favorite type of cheese?

mild cheddar, american, and mozzarella. i actually only Recently started cataloging cheeses in my brain to their actual names so for my entire life i was like i just like cheese even though there are certain ones i hate like swiss and blue cheese.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

a bit cold and a bit tired from typing all the answers to all these asks tbh. but other than that good. i just cut my nails because they were atrociously long. 

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“worm” or “fuck” or “no!” according to my roommate

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

oh my ogdokh oym ogdos sd fdospohm to mo edf ucmign fugod mfyo uacant just ask me this im going to absolutely die

in absolutely no order, all from completely from memory, and favorite for a variety of different reasons

“fuck you, math man. if you’re such a genius why can’t you count to loyalty” - mafee in 4x11 lamster billions

“captain, he think, and feels that much more powerful” - luminousbeings in you don’t have to (say yes) the star trek fic

“more than you know, i understand wanting to walk away from the jedi”“i know.” - anakin skywalker and ahsoka tano in 5x12 the wrong jedi star wars the clone wars

“i won’t leave you, not this time.” “then you will die” - ahsoka tano and darth vader in 2x12 twilight of the apprentice star wars rebels

“there is nothing so pure as a man on a mission. when faced with the fire, never quivers or runs. there is nothing so noble as sticking together, for lonely is the life lead when sticking to its guns." - narrator in bloodsong of love by joe iconis

“now i’ve got myself a name and i’m ready to risk it with a battle cry disguised as a sing-along” - never heard nothing by joe iconis

“i’m frickin done with being the loser, the wuss, the underdog. being the misfit, the old school analog. being the oddball, the weakling freak. the failure, the sucker, the please-don’t-speak. oh i can’t hardly wait for the moment when i’m not the loser the geek or whatever, ever again” - jeremy heere in be more chill by joe iconis

“i’m tired of being the person that everyone thinks that i am” - various in be more chill by joe iconis

“q is for quantitative, baby!” - winston in 4x12 extreme sandbox billions

“the cheering is just as important as the song” - lisa and ms. werring in the black suits by joe iconis

“first, best destiny” - spock in star trek ii wrath of khan

“be proud of your place in the cosmos. it is small, and yet it is. how unlikely. how fantastic, and stupid. and excellent.” - cecil in welcome to night vale old oak doors part b

“are we living a life that is safe from harm? of course not. we never are. the questions is are we living a life that is worth the harm?” - cecil in welcome to night vale parade day

“as I turned and my eyes beheld you, i displayed emotion. i beg forgiveness.” - spock somewhere in star trek tos

“the sky collapsed without a sound. these broken pieces hit the ground.  the rain fell down around me and i drowned, but i will save you.” - part of me from dear evan hansen

“this is, after all, the story of how i died” - epsilon in the rvb13 trailer

“and while the law has many punishments for the atrocities we inflict on others, there are no punishments for the terrors we inflict on ourselves.” - the director in the s6 finale of red vs blue

that was in no way an exhaustive list but all i could think of at the moment

67. good luck charms?

not really any tbh. i try to wear my tower of pimps shirt whenever i take an exam but that’s about it.

71. least favorite pattern?

what does this even fucking mean?????? i will say the observer design pattern in programming because i don’t understand it well despite having used it twice now.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

oh god idk why are all these questions getting harder. nothing i can think of at the moment.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i say school id tentatively, but neither of them looks great. my school id photo was a selfie.

83. writing or drawing?

writing. i wish to GOD i could draw and i probably could if i put in the amount of time i need to to learn how to draw but im a lazy bastard. but i’m not that great at writing either as i’ve found out. everything is way too short and out of character and too venty and i am weird about letting people i know read what i write (sorry @ all the people who keep asking me to let them read my writing.  it’s not that great you’re not missing out at all and i hate the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known) and i abandon ideas literal minutes after getting them.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

what the fuck kind of question is this?????? i GUESS the answer should be me but uh i am not even putting myself before myself as i am procrastinating on a shitload of homework with this. i guess my “close” friends. they’re pretty chill. but generally ill do anything for anyone all you have to do is ask.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

4, my own, my home landline, my dad’s cell, and my dad’s work.

[givemebtscenarios]

Should We?-Yugyeom(M)

Request: Can I request a yugyeom smut? The scenario doesn’t matter

Words: 3,035

Your phone rang once again and you looked at the caller ID to see the name Kim Yugyeom on it. A small smile tugged at your lips and you swiped right to answer it, holding it up to your ear.

"What do you want now?" you asked, your smile becoming bigger when you hear him chuckle.

"Can I come over?"

"For what? You were just here last night. You didn't leave anything, trust me."

"Yeah, I know, I just need you again."

This whole thing with Yugyeom started almost seven months ago; you met him through Jackson, a mutual friend of the two of you. He had invited you to a party some of his friends were throwing, and even though you weren't exactly the 'party' type, you had the need to go out and get drunk. Maybe do something you would regret the next morning when you woke up next to someone you didn't remember clearly. Little did you know, that's almost exactly what would happen. Although, there wasn't any regret. 

You had spent nearly the entire night talking to Yugyeom; and if Jackson hadn't been Jackson, being loud and the life of the party, you probably would have even forgotten he was there. You and Yugyeom knocked back some drinks; you had entirely lost count after your fourth one. You had a good buzz going; not completely drunk, but definitely not sober. He had handed you more drinks, and against your better judgement, you knocked them back. How you got home is still a mystery to you, but what's not is the whole night you spent with Yugyeom after you had gotten home.

You had woken up the next morning to see he had already left, but he had texted you asking if the two of you could talk. Fear had spread through your body. Oh God. He's going to say it was a mistake and now it's going to be awkward. But, you agreed to let him come to your place, opening the door and letting him in once he had gotten there. The two of you sat on the couch and he turned towards you, his knees touching yours.

"About last night...."he trailed, refusing to look at you. You bit the corner of your lips, looking at his face and taking in all the small details. How his hair fell in front of his eyes, the little mole underneath his lashline, his collar bones protruding from his shirt, and the way his teeth would catch his lip every now and then. It took you back to the night before. How you had that lip between your teeth, the markings you had given his collarbones, how his hair was swept back out of his face from being drenched in sweat, and the sounds that came from his mouth from the moment you stepped foot into your bedroom until your rendezvous was finished. You were brought back to reality by him placing his hand on your thigh.

"You still with me?" he asked, a grin on his face. You shook your head and looked at him, your eyes wide as if you had gotten caught doing something you weren't supposed to.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good." you said, nodding. He chuckled and nodded with you, lookin into your eyes.

"So, what do you think?"

"What do I think about what?"

"You literally did not hear a single word I just said." he said, laughing. A blush crept onto your face and you smiled a little, happy that he wasn't mad about you spacing out. You looked up and saw him looking at you, a serious look on his face. He looked like he was doing everything he could to not take you right where you were.

"Please tell me you don't want me to do this right now." he said, clenching his fists at his sides. You took that as your cue to crawl on top of him, your thighs on each side of his, your heat directly about his hardening cock.

"I really want you to do this, Yugyeom." you whimpered, looking at him with the most innocent face you could muster. The next thing you knew, you were on your back.

You heard a knock on your door, getting up off the couch to open it, not even looking to see who it was before you turned around and started walking back towards your couch. You could smell who it was. Yugyeom's cologne had a distinct smell. Kind of woodsy, but also kind of sporty. Like a mix of Axe and Armani. You heard the door close behind him and he walked into your kitchen, getting him something to drink.

"Make yourself at home." you joked, looking at him. Over the past seven months, you had learned a lot. Like the fact that Yugyeom was insanely attractive, his hips were good for more than just dancing, he knew how to hump more than the air or the floor, and you were slowly starting to fall for him. You knew you couldn't tell Yugyeom this, and it was better to keep it to yourself. But, you found it harder to keep it hidden as time went on. Yugyeom sat down next to you, bringing your legs across his lap so he could trail his fingers on your thigh, drawing little patterns and words with his fingertips.

You watched his hand, amazed by his long fingers, adorned with rings as they set fire on your skin everytime they moved. You looked up at him, your lip between your teeth as you watched him drink, his eyes set on the TV in front of you.

"Are you going to keep staring, or are you going to fuck me?" he asked, looking down at you with a smirk. You grinned and got up, running back to your bedroom with him following you. As soon as the two of you got into your room, he was on you, fingers gripping your hips as his tongue trailed along your lower lip, asking for permission to enter. You allowed him in, and his tongue swept over yours, you groaning into his mouth at the taste of him. He always tasted so good. If you could add years to your life span just by kissing Yugyeom, you'd be immortal by now.

Of course, you knew you were the only one feeling the things you felt when the two of you kissed, your heart feeling like it was going to burst out of your chest. And above all else, you loved the after sex cuddles almost as much as the sex. He knew just how to hold you, how much pressure to apply on your back, and how many kisses you needed to keep you sated until you could have sex with him again. He knew your body better than you did sometimes, and you were grateful for that. He took the time to learn you, just like you did him. And it made for some mind blowing sex whenever either of you needed it. Like now.

His fingers toyed with the hem of your shirt, tugging it up and over your head before throwing it behind him so it landed on the floor. He groaned, his hands coming up to cup your breasts when he saw you went without a bra.  He dipped down, his tongue meeting your nipple, licking over it before taking it into his mouth, sucking hard. You groaned, your fingers going to his hair, tugging slightly as his mouth ravaged your nipple. He switched to the other one, doing the same thing before pushing you onto your back. You looked up at him as he pulled his own shirt off, letting it join yours.

His pale skin brightened in the sunlight and you bit your lip as you watched his hands go to his belt buckle, undoing it before pulling the button out and pushing the zipper down.

"Take your shorts off." he demanded, watching as you hooked your fingers into the waistband of your shorts, pulling them down before throwing them to the side. He slipped his own gym shorts down, his boxer briefs showing his bulge through the fabric. You licked your lips, wanting nothing more than to taste him.

"Panties, too." he said, his voice rough. You did as he demanded, throwing them off the bed. He groaned as he palmed himself through his underwear, his eyes fixated on how wet you were. He placed his hands on the bed, slowly crawling towards you, keeping his eyes on yours as his head dipped down and he licked a stripe up your heat, your breath hitching in your throat at the feeling. He looked down before he stuck one of his fingers in his mouth, wetting it before he slowly slid it inside of you, his long fingers hitting your g spot.

You let out a gasp of his name, your head falling back onto the pillow, your eyes shut. He continued fingering you before adding another finger. Your hips rolled off the bed, determined to get him in deeper. You felt the rush of your orgasm creeping up on you, and you rolled your hips faster, trying to get there before he could pull out and end it for you. He felt you clenching around his fingers and he chuckled.

"About to cum already? I've barely done anything." he said, looking up at you with a smirk. He pulled his fingers out and left your hips rolling against the air, whimpers falling from your lips at the feeling of being empty again. Before you could do more, he leaned his head back down, licking another stripe up your slit before wrapping his lips around your clit and sucking it into his mouth. You gasped, your eyes shooting open at the feeling of his tongue flicking against your clit, groans coming from him at your taste.

"Fuck, Yugyeom." you breathed out, your hands going down to grip his hair, keeping him in place as you rolled yourself on his tongue, the feeling shooting sparks of pleasure through you. The tingly feeling came back through your body, your hips rolling faster; you weren't going to be denied a second time. He felt your body tense up and his hands came up to cover yours before he quickly took them off his hair, his body coming up to sit back on his legs.

You groaned, looking up at the ceiling. You heard him chuckle and then you saw him get off the bed, his fingers teasing the waistband of his underwear. You bit your lip, watching as he slowly slid them down, his cock bouncing up against his stomach.

"You want it?" he asked, fisting his cock. The words wouldn't come from your mouth, so you just nodded, your own hand trailing down your thigh until it got to your heat, your fingers playing around your clit. You heard him growl and then he slapped the inside of your thigh.

"I don't think so. If you cum tonight, it'll be on my cock." you heard him say. You mewled at his words, staring up at him as he gripped your thighs, pulling your body down to him, his cock sliding through your folds as the two of you choked on your breath.

"Fuck, you're so fucking wet." he groaned, looking down as he guided his cock inside you, his breath hitching as he slowly slid inside you. Your back arched, feeling him hit places his fingers and tongue couldn't get. Your fingers gripped the sheets beside you, your thighs on top of his as his hands held onto your hips. He pulled back and groaned when he saw how your juices coated his cock. He pushed back in with force, your body moving upwards, his hands coming to grip your breasts, playing with your nipples, rolling them between his fingers. His hips worked their magic, drilling in and out of you, your body moving with every thrust, his hands moving from your breasts back to your hips before he pulled out and flipped you over onto your knees.

"Face down, ass up." he said, his voice rough and husky. You placed your cheek down onto the pillow with your back arched so your ass was up right where he wanted it. You felt his hands run along your ass before they were removed and one hand landed back down on your skin. You jumped, a moan coming from your mouth at the impact.

"My dirty girl likes that, huh? You like when I leave handprints on your ass?" he asked, smacking your ass again with the other hand. You whimpered, the sting on your ass resonating through your whole body.

"Fuck yes, please, just fuck me, please." you begged. You could feel your arousal dripping down your thigh and onto the bed, soaking through the sheets. He grabbed his cock and eased it inside of you again, you sighing when you felt the pleasure run through you again. He grunted, his hips slamming against yours, beautiful sounds coming from between his lips. His grip on your waist tightened, and he start ramming into you faster, causing you to choke on moans that tried to get their way out of your throat.

He got off of you, laughing at your groan before he laid down and grabbed your hips, lifting you on top of him.

"I want you riding me when you cum. I wanna be able to see you take my cock like the good little girl you are." he said, lowering you down on him. He groaned, his lip between his teeth as he felt you envelope him, your wetness coating his cock as he lifted you back up. He left just the head of his cock inside you before he let go of you, and you fell back down on his cock. Near shouts coming from the both of you. He placed his feet on the bed and gripped your thighs, looking up at you as you threw your head back.

Yugyeom was hitting places you didn't even know existed, and the sounds coming from him were really getting you off. You felt yourself becoming closer again, and you prayed on everything you had that he would let you cum this time. He felt you clenching around him and he hissed. The feeling of your pussy getting tighter around him was bringing him closer to the edge, his hips stuttering as his breaths came out in hurried pants. He looked up at you, your eyebrows furrowed together, your mouth open in the perfect 'o' shape, your breasts bouncing with every thrust.

He finally couldn't take it anymore and thrust up into you, his name falling from your lips in a scream as he hit your g spot, your orgasm right in front of your eyes. You were almost there. There was no way he could deny you this time. His hands gripped your hips tighter, determined to get there right after you. Whimpers mixed with growls left his lips, your name being whispered occasionally. With one certain hard thrust, you came around him, your body nearly collapsing against his if he hadn't held you up.

"Fuck, fuck Yugyeom!" you yelled, your hands clutching his chest. He let out a mixture of a groan and a growl, looking down at his cock, and it was the sight of himself sliding in and out of you that threw him over the edge, his hips stilling as he emptied himself inside of you, loud moans leaving his lips. You squeezed around him one more time and his hips jerked. He chuckled as he slapped your ass, lifting you off of him and laying you down.

It was when you looked over at him, taking in his features, that the feeling had settled back into your heart. This is all you'd ever be to him. Friends and a quick fuck when he needed it. He looked over at you before you could look away and he smiled.

"Enjoying the view?" he asked, his smile growing. You scoffed and looked away.

"You wish."

You laid in the bed for a few more minutes, your mind reeling with different thoughts. You looked over at him again and saw his eyes closed. He wasn't asleep, he was just 'resting his eyes' as he called it.

"Yugyeom..." you said, trailing off as his eyes opened and he looked at you.

"Yeah?"

"Do....do you think that we should continue this?" you asked. He raised up on his side, resting his weight on his elbow.

"What do you mean? Us fucking?" he asked, looking down at you.

"Yeah, I mean, we're friends and everything, and I know this would be considered a Friends With Benefits type relationship, but aren't you worried about what could come out of it?"

"Like, one of us catching feelings for the other one? That's already crossed my mind. But, if you weren't going to give it up, I wasn't either."

"What if it's already happened and we just don't know it yet?"

"Well, I can tell you for one, it's happened on this end. I just don't know how it is on your end." That's one good thing about having sex with Yugyeom. He always tells more than he plans to. You looked at him wide eyed. He obviously still hadn't caught on to what he said.

"It's happened on your end?" you asked him, hoping he wasn't lying.

"Yeah, it happened a while ago. But, I wasn't going to say anything. I didn't want to freak you out and you call this whole thing off."

"But, it has happened on my mind. Probably around the same time as you. I thought I would make you uncomfortable." you told him. He looked bak down at you, a small smile on his face.

"So, what does that make us?

"I don't know, do you want to give it a try and see how it goes?" you asked. He thought for a minute before grinning, leaning down to place a kiss on your lips.

"Yeah, I'd love that."

[b00bconnoisseur]

60 questions for @not-my-brain

1. selfie.......Ugghhhh ok. Imma take one rn

Ok here u go (yes thats a bmth shirt)

2. what would you name your future kids?.....Ooo hmmm well when i was a kid i really liked the names disney, and mesiah. I didn't know at the time that mesiah was another name for god i think lol. I liked it cause of handlers mesiah. I still do. Ooo and maybe Tj too

3. do you miss anyone?......Yeah. My friends on Pinterest from a year ago. My friend lucas. Stan lee. Bob ross. My cousin who died from cancer some years ago. Snape. Sirius. Lupin. Tonks. Dobby. *continues to name every unfortunate death in hp*

4. what are you looking forward to?.......SE-YA next month!! Its the south eastern young adult festival at this college. You can have meet n greets with authors and alot of stuff its the besstttt

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?......DEFINATELY. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @sammchenry my friend lucas and @septembersbloom. ^^

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?..... What like...romantically? Or like a death? If romantically uhhh idk it took over a couple weeks but im ok now. Ive never had another relationship so idk. If death oof yeah idk maybe. Ig it depends on how much i knew them idk. Like when my nanny (great grandma) died i was sad for days (is that alot?)

7. what was your life like last year?.....Sucky af. Still is. But the highlights of my life last year was getting and making friends on tumblr, going to the tøp concert and going to warped tour, volunteering at the library, going to seya and meeting some of my favorite authors, reading, changing and improving my art, listening to all the bands i listen to now, getting into more fandoms, going to a friends house for the first time

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?.......Yes lol. Some years ago when i couldn't find smtn id be so annoyed and pissed id start crying. I dont now but still lol

9. who did you last see in person?.......Hm ig family doesn't count....? Wait do u mean a friend? If so uhh my friends rebekah, anika, and Judah at a TAB meeting at the library sometime last month.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?......I think so? Like i mean I can hide whenever i get my....time of the month from my mom (talking abt stuff like that with her makes me uncomfortable) and i hid a breakup. And other p big stuff too. So imma say yeah

11. are you listening to music right now?........*pops on earbuds after reading this* yee im listening to bitch lasagna by pewdiepie xD (do i have the best spotify playlist or what?)

12. what is something you want right now?.......To hug @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye but SOMEONE has to live so far away

13. how do you feel right now?........Happy that my earbud still works cause they got washed in the wash yesterday....oops. Its not my fault. I told my dad to remind me to take it out of my jacket pocket before they threw it in but noooooo he forgot

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?.......Uhhhhh fuck idk it was probably from my lil 4 yr old bro sometime last week. Other than him (hes my favorite sibling) i dont let them hug me too much

15. personality description.......Nerdy. Fangirl. "Emo". Tomboy. Hotsause obsessed. Book lover. Music lover. Black. Blue. Harry potter. Introvert. Fall. Sports. Values friendship. Loyal. Uhhhh i cant think of much lol

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?.......*sigh* yes. Yes yes yes. Theres some things abt me, or my life really, that i havent told anyone on here or my irl friends that i sooooo want to so bad but i haven't cause i feel like they'd feel bad and pity me and i don't want that

17. opinion on insecurities........I dont really understand this one. Everyones insecure abt something. Is this askin like if i think its ok or not? I say its ok. Im insecure about literally everything about me. My face. My personality. My socialness. My art. What i do. What i say. Basically my whole body. The things i feel good abt are my books, music taste, and my friends (ily fuckers)

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?.........Hmm this time around a year ago....idk its sorta the same but all the stuff i mentioned abt my year from last year didn't happen yet so nah tho my life sucks rn its better than this time last year

19. have you ever been to New York?........Nooo but i want too soo baddd i wanna visit @septembersbloom !! Im coming for ya soon gramps *does the eye watching thing* my dads been to nyc before tho cause he does construction and he had a concrete job to do there. It was a 23 hr drive for him

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?........Uhhh idk!!! So hard! Maybe.....the whole thats the spirit album by bmth ;)

21. age and birthday?.....15 yrs of age and September 27th 2003 (whats yours brainy? I'll put it on my calendar)

22. description of crush......Its weird idk im not sure if its a genuine crush or not but uh....They like hp :).Thats all u get

23. fear(s).......Losing my best friend @dirtysocke and my other friends. Death. Failure. Momo chasing after me then killing me slowly keeping my eyes open to look her dead in the eyes while i die

24. height......5'6 call me short and I'll fuck u up with THIS *pulls out trusty potato peeler named now steve* dont test me boi

25. role model......Hhhhhhhh so many! But uh gosh one of them is @superraedizzle (youtuberrrr) and vexx and bob ross and da vinci and aaaaaaa so many

26. idol(s)......First person that immediately comes to mind is @sammchenry cause he's super cool and he's really nice and his art's reallyyy good (if u havent seen it w-w-what are u even doin with your life?) And he has a great sense of humor and *continues to ramble about why samms the best*

27. things i hate.......Dabs. Transphobes. Homophobic ppl. Basically any hate on the lgbtq+ community. Bullies. The ship starker. Umbridge. Snape haters

28. i’ll love you if….....U you'll eat pizza, draw, and rp harry potter with mee

29. favourite film(s)......Fantastic beasts. Every hp film. Twilight. The maze runner 1-2. The hunger games. Spiderman homecoming. Kingsman: secret service. Into the spideyverse tho i havent seen it yet

30. favourite tv show(s)......Inkmasterrrrr. B99. The mick. The middle. Uhhh idk mostly ink master xD

31. 3 random facts........Ive never had shrimp. I had a beta fish for over a year once. Im eating pizza crust rn

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?.......G i r l s. I have all girl friends irl and one boy. And on tumblr it seems like i just meet girls? Likei agree with @cristal-kyd1280 its like alot more gals then dudes here. But i do have some guy friends on here too. But mostly girls

33. something you want to learn.......TO DRAW ANATOMY DAMMIT

34. most embarrassing moment........Every moment of my lifes an embarrassing moment. Idk of i can pick a "most" embarrassing one. But one time i i sent my crush (now ex bf) a hey fuckface and like some hearts or whatever for an ask game that meant like "i have a crush on u" "youre adorable" etc and said Hewo but i did it all anonymously. But he confronted me askin if i sent it cause im the only person he knows that actually says hewo lol. Then later on i finally admitted i really liked him and well y'all know the story after i think. Unless you're new

35. favourite subject.......A R TTTT OFC

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?........meet my friends on tumblr. Get into mtsu (college i wanna go to) and study art. And go skydiving

37. favourite actor/actress........favorite actor uhhhhhh probably thomas brodie sangster or tom felton and my favorite actress? Hmmm idk maybe evanna lynch (luna lovegood)

38. favourite comedian(s).......probably kevin hart lol he's p funny

39. favourite sport(s)........basketballllllll and football

40. favourite memory........uhhhhh idk?? One oh my favorite memories was when we went to see tøp in concert

41. relationship status.....single as a pringle

42. favourite book(s)......harry potter and the order of the pheonix. Harry potter and the half blood prince. Simon vs the homo sapiens agenda. Divergent. Maze runner. Twilight. Fangirl. Fallen. Red queen

43. favourite song ever.......TOO HARD DONT MAKE ME CHOOSEEEEEE

44. age you get mistaken for.........16 and 17 sometimes lol

45. how you found out about your idol........i was watching someone on yt and superraedizzle always poped up in my feed and my mom turned on one of her vids cause she always saw her vids too now ive seen most of em i love her. Id heard of vexx but never watched him and i was watching a collab from anthony miller art and shrimpy and i checked out shrimpys channel and was lookin at comments and alot of ppl said his art is like vexxs so i checked out vexx. At first i was like eh ok. Now i cant click fast enough when he posts a vid. And i actually fpund out about bob ross from my grandpa on jan 20 2017 when trump was getting sworn in or whatever. We turned on pbs and my grampa told me to look and bob ross was on and i was IN. I loved it. I even started watching full episodes on YouTube of the joy of painting after that. Wonderful man. My first painting i ever did i think was when i followed one of his tutorials xD (i didnt know it was popular at the time)

46. what my last text message says......."ok your turn"

47. turn ons.....uhh nerds ig idk um book lovers, music lovers, art lovers, potterheads, idk and nice ppl

48. turn offs......jerks. Homophobia. Idk ig whatever i said in things i hate

49. where i want to be right now......uhhhh idk wait didn't i already answer this? Ok this ones different ig so uhh with my friend lucas

50. favourite picture of your idol.....oh shit...favorite? Idk xD i have a fave of vexx but not of rae or bob. But heres pics of them any way

51. starsign......a libraaaaa boiii

52. something i’m talented at......drawing and speed reading. Thats about it lol. Oh and procrastina

53. 5 things that make me happy.......ooooo art, my friends here on tumblr, books, harry potter, and music ^^

54. something thats worrying me at the moment.....if my friend thinks im being annoying

55. tumblr friends......hhhhh so manyyyyyy. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @chinesewaffles2 @kingantlion @queen-baelin @sammchenry @septembersbloom and more

56. favourite food(s)......green beans, pepperoni pizza, and vanilla madelines

57. favourite animal(s).......basically any reptile. Puppies. Cats. Any animal really but my #1 are snakes

58. description of my best friend.....well she's a tiny bean (5 feet) and she has dark hair, she wears glasses, she doesnt take shit, she's in love with Josh dun, she's awesome, funny, nice (YES youre nice jackie) and shes the best friend ive ever had. Oh. And she has a weird obsession with spaghetti

59. why i joined tumblr.......well i heard abt it on Pinterest over a year ago but didnt want it. Then @mrfastbass-deactivated20181231 on DeviantArt said he got tumblr so i made one then followed him and figured id just post art and that's it cause i thought tumblr was boring as hell when i first got it. Now im p much obsessed with it

60. ask me anything you want.......go ahead brainy shoot. Give me smtn good

[disruptedvice]

2019 writing meme

i was tagged by @startofamoment​, no doubt because I’ve been talking up that b99 porn star au that I started writing in 2016 but never completed.

It looks like how this meme goes is two lists: Things I am definitely going to write (or things I am definitely most likely going to write from startofamoment’s post) Things I’d like to write, time (and creativity) permitting

But I’m gonna do mine a little different, cause the thing is, I’ve already started writing drafts for literally all of these, like years ago in some cases, so- I mean, I’ve already started writing every single one of these, and have 4+ pages on some, 16+ pages on others, and there’s no telling what year they’ll actually be posted, but here’s some things from my technically wip stuff

Basically, works that I’ve already started the process of writing but who knows when they’ll be completed and just damn, I’ve got so much

The starmora/thorkyrie one shot where Valkyrie reacts to meeting and finding out who Gamora was the way that everyone expected Thor to react to Gamora in IW (confrontational AF- cue Valkyrie harshly whispering “How can you trust them?” and Thor just deadpanning “You literally sold me into slavery when we first met”)

Starmora college AU + artist!Peter and kickboxer!Gamora

Peraltiago Contract killer!Amy and target!Jake AU

Peraltiago Conceptual photographer!Jake + Model!Amy (also, former Art Student!Amy)

Childhood friends starmora AU/both raised by ravagers

Post IW/Post Endgame thorkyrie reunion one shot

Flight attendent!Jake Peralta + hates flying passenger!Amy Santiago

Pornstar peraltiago AU + coworkers to friends to lovers trope

The married peraltiago pregnancy multichapter fic I’ve been planning for AGES

Peraltiago Actors AU (Jake and Amy are actors on a TV show called Brooklyn Legal)

More and previews/excerpts under the cut ~ 

(And because tumblr mobile is going wonky, if this post looks weird, you can just open this post in your phone’s browser and tada! It’s in a readable format and looks like how I actually posted it!)

Dude, so I’ve got some previews for some of these, but I literally just copied and pasted without editing the slightest, so you can see while I may have pages and pages written out for all these stories on microsoft word/google docs, they are still very clearly not ready to post

That multichapter peraltiago pregnancy fic that I’ve had planned since, oh, FOREVER and still haven’t gotten around to-

“I just realized I'm gonna have to stop making sex tape jokes and switch over to dad jokes.” ”Jake, you already make way too many puns to be healthy and tell soul crushingly lame jokes all the time. You already make dad jokes, but they were just called lame jokes before you had a kid. Now your lame jokes can be called dad jokes. But you always had them.”

[In baby fic Jake still tackles her and pulls her to the ground, but its a careful tackle and he always makes sure to catch her and break her fall. It's kinda amazing how quick he does it, how they'll be chasing each other and he'll pull her to the ground, pull her into him. It's almost strange, how quick and gentle he is with it. With her. At first she might have worried about his rough housing, but he was always delicate. Careful but still fun. And she never had to worry about losing her balance with him]

Jake tackles her and she's laughing and hitting him on the arm and saying ”The baby, the baby!” And he pulls back and says “You know, you can't keep using that excuse. It's not fair.” And Amy says “I've still got months and months of that excuse” and he says ”It’s like saying you have to pee during a tickle fight. Now I have to let you go.”

{When Jake says excuse not fair cause its like saying she has to pee during a tickle fight and she thinks that's a fair excuse too not just baby, Amy asks jokingly "do you want me to pee on you?" And he says "you don't know. I might be into that."}.

Contract killer!Amy and target!Jake AU-

where they used to be childhood friends but hadn’t seen each other since they were like 9 years old, and then Amy realizes she recognizes the person she was just hired to kill

She's been struggling with this dilemma in her head for the past few days and even though it's completely irrational she decides not to do it. She decides to help him. She decides to help keep him alive. She actually did a coin toss. Heads she goes through with it and shoots him, tails she helps him. She flipped the coin. It landed on heads. And that cemented her decision.

She was going to help him.

She breaks into his apartment that evening since she learned he would be out.

She wears gloves. Looks through any papers he had, trying to find financials, but there's nothing to suggest why someone wanted him dead.

She wouldn't be much use keeping him alive if she didn't know why someone wanted him dead in the first place. And all the wire transfers for who hired her were anonymous. She turns on his computer and it isn't even password protected. It was a desktop and not a laptop, but still.

He must be the most naive and trusting idiot in the world.

She looks through the files on his computer and nothing useful turns up. He's so normal it's pissing her off.

She looks through his emails and there isn't even a hint of one lousy affair.

And she doesn't feel an ounce of guilt invading his privacy because it was a whole lot nicer than killing him.

She deserved a thank you.

But she can't find anything on why anyone would want him dead.

His plans were dinner with friends or something and it's been an hour at this point and she knows he could walk through the door at any moment and catch her.

Catch her having broken into his apartment. And she still had nothing.

And she decided to fuck it and just ask him. Just sit down on the couch in his living room and ask him who would want to kill him when he gets home.

This whole operation was already fucked, why not fuck it up some more? ___

she hears him unlock and open the door when he gets home. She hears him enter, shut the door, lock it behind him.

He walks down the hallway, finally to his living room and sees her.

He just stares at her and she says "c'mon dude, why the hell is it so hard to find out who wants you dead?"

And Jake blinks a couple seconds and then he says "uh, are you okay? Do you need help or something? Do you know where you are?" He asks like she may have accidentally gotten into his locked apartment cause she had a concussion and didn't know who the hell she was.

And she says "seriously? Seriously, man? I broke into your apartment and you ask me if I'm /okay/?" She sounds frustrated.

And he says "I think that's a fair assumption unless you were the worst robber in the history of ever. I walk in and there's a stranger sitting on my couch. Not stealing my couch, sitting on my couch. Correct me if I'm wrong but professional robbers are A: supposed to take stuff and B: supposed to be gone by the time the home owner comes back. So an empty handed stranger sitting on my couch who just starts talking to me like it ain't no thang instead of trying to flee the first thing my mind jumped to was not a criminal mastermind. Though that actually might be a smart plan after all. If you would've gotten a bowl of cereal and kicked back with the TV on the only logical assumption would be that you just walked out of a hospital ward and and the homeowner would probably call an ambulance to take the obviously confused and concussed woman back to the hospital and you could just walk out the door with all their valuables while they're making that call. That would actually be a great plan."

And Amy's like "don't give me tips on how to rob you better! What the hell is wrong with you?"

And Jake says "but you're not actually robbing me, are you? Cause you're doing a pretty piss poor job of it. Since you're not actually stealing anything can tell me what the hell you are doing here?"

Pornstar peraltiago AU + coworkers to friends to lovers trope

After the confessing feelings for each other part and kissing the heck out of each other:

“Okay, this is really nice and I'm loving it, but I also wanna be with you, not whoever we're supposed to be at work. I want to be touched by Jake Peralta, you know?” Her voice tiltered out, almost wincing, but she was sure he got what she meant. “Fuck, that's all I've ever wanted. Amy Santiago. Who I watch movies with and laugh and who falls asleep on my couch and I have to resist kissing her on the forehead every time.”

Brooklyn Legal - Peraltiago TV show actors AU

Eliza was essentially the let loose wild card character in their cast ensemble, something that could not be more opposite of the actor playing the character, Amy Santiago. Jake's character was in the main cast too, Lucas, who was the awkward book type, preferring hard cover law books when he had to research any preferences for cases instead of just using a computer. Jake and Amy still end up falling for each other.

Starmora college AU + artist!Peter and kickboxer!Gamora

“Your drawings. They’re not bad,” she said simply. “And either you messed up on this one here, or that man was not showing proper form,” she pointed out, down at one of his figure drawings of a man kicking the open air.

“Would you like me to show you how it’s actually done?” Gamora offered with an air of disinterested professionalism, though he’s certain he can see a smirk that’s just begging to be brought out from her lips.

He stared at her, blinking like an idiot. Then he started nodding, still like an idiot.

She gave him a single, curt nod in return before heading back to the mat she was practicing on, this time with a specific move in mind.

Gamora moved into position, breathed out, and let it overtake her.

  "Would you like me to show you how it's actually done?" She offers with an air of disinterested professionalism, though he's certain he can see a smirk that's just begging to be brought out from her lips. Peter blinks once, twice. Like an idiot. Then he starts nodding, still like an idiot. Gamora nods at him once before walking away, walking back towards the mat, positioning herself right where she was practicing before. This time, though, with a specific movement in mind, putting on a show. She goes through her practice arsenal of moves, throwing in that one basically two or three moves, since his goal was to capture figures in motion, not figures in a pose. She kinda loses herself in the routine, and what he probably expected to be a 30 second demonstration turns into 5 minutes of her exercising and moving fluidly through her practice until she's breathing heavy and broken out into a sweat. When she decides to pause and take a break, she looks back over to her new friend/acquaintance, who is furiously scribbling in his sketchbook. Well, that's not quite true. His pencil is gliding across the page in a swift and fluid fashion, much like her movements were earlier. They're both getting their practice in of the art forms they've done a thousand times before, moving through the motions.

Conceptual photographer!Jake + Model!Amy (also, former Art Student!Amy)

When they're about to get started Amy says “I - I like your works.”

And he gives her a soft and polite smile with a “Thanks.”

And she realizes that everyone probably tells him that. Everyday. And they're probably all lying. And if they're not it was probably because they looked them up the night before and memorized all the facts so they could impress him.

That's why she got the polite smile. Because he hears that lie a million times a day by people trying to be polite or something.

And she recants immediately “No I don't. That was a total lie. I didn't even know your name until two weeks ago.” And she's totally flabbergasted but his smile is genuine now instead of polite and she doesn't know what to say or where she's going, but he has a really good smile and she just wants to keep talking so he'll keep smiling. “I like a work of yours. It was the only one I'd seen, and I didn't even know it was yours until two weeks ago when I looked you up and I saw it and I saw you made it, but I just recognized it by sight cause when I heard your name I didn't think I knew anything you ever did, but I was scrolling through it all and I realized that I'd seen it before. And I really liked it, I just didn't know who made it. I mean it's in a museum by my house and your name is on the plaque but all the times I looked at it I never even bothered to read the plaque. Not because I didn't like it, I just never read the plaques in art museums even on the stuff I really love. So I don't like you works or even really know any of them. I just really like the one.”

Childhood friends starmora AU

Later that night, after the eclector had left port, Gamora and Peter were sitting in Peter’s room, just talking.

“How come you didn’t tell me you could fix ships?” He asked, thinking that would have been something good for him to know to convince Yondu to let them take her aboard.

“I don’t,” Gamora said simply. At the confused look he gave her, she grinned something mischievous, like they were partners in crime. “I lied,” she admitted, laughing into her hand.

Peter in turn laughed that much harder.

“But I am a quick learner!” Gamora added quickly. She was pretty sure she could trust Peter, but she had still only met him today, and she had lied to his- captain? From the insolence he spoke to Yondu with, he seemed more like his father. Not in the way that Thanos insisted on calling himself Gamora’s father, but his actual father. She had come up with the lie spur of the moment, because her situation was urgent, and she needed to get off the planet as soon as possible. Anything was better than her siblings finding her and taking her back. Any repercussions from that fib paled to what would be in store if she was brought back to Sanctuary. “I’m good at memorizing stuff, so I can learn how to fix engines if the mechanic on board shows me how. I meant that, about earning my keep. I can be a- a apprentice or something. It wasn’t a total lie.”

“You’re not gonna tell him, are you?” She asked worriedly.

“What? No! I’m not a tattle tale!” Peter told her immediately, and even though she didn’t know what a tattle tale was, she could figure out what it meant from context clues. “He’ll probably figure it out on his own, though. But that’s okay-” he added quickly, when he saw the look of genuine fear in Gamora’s eyes. “Yondu says he values ‘ngenuity ‘‘n stuff. That just means if you manage to pull one over on him he’ll prolly laugh and give you a pat on the back and maybe a smack on the head for being a smart ass, but that’s it. I wouldn’t be here right now if Yondu wasn’t impressed by the few times I’ve managed to actually trick him. I mean- many times. I’ve tricked him oh so many times. Lots.”

Gamora laughed at that, because Peter was such a horrible liar. She didn’t think that was such a bad thing. No, it wasn’t bad at all.

Then flashforward like eight or so years and of Peter and Gamora fall in love because of course they do. So it’s really more of a raised by ravagers falling in love with your best friend starmora AU with a childhood friends prologue (plus some good ol fashion Peter whump with him almost dying on a solo mission they undertake cause yessss)

Post IW/post endgame Thor/Valkyrie reunion fic

“Hey! It’s me! It’s really me! I swear!” Thor held his hands up in a defensive posture, but that only seemed to anger her more.

“I know it’s you! That’s why I’m hitting you!”

She took another swing at him that he easily blocked- either she was too sleep deprived to at least hit him well, or she wasn’t trying as much as she wanted to seem.

They’d sparred before, and this definitely wasn’t even close to the full force of the Valkyrie. Still enough to hurt, though. Her movements were sloppy in a way she’d scolded him for when they had trained together following Ragnarok (“You’re too open, your majesty,” she informed him, with her trademark mocking tone at his title. Thor didn’t really mind. The teasing tone. He definitely minded the kick to the ribs he just got- it felt like they’d been punted into him. “When you swing, you swing wildly, and you make so much of yourself a target. You need to keep your hands up, when you punch, pull back, keep your shoulders tucked. It’s like you’re expecting your opponents not to hit back. Sure, you’re fine if you knock them out on the first punch, anything other than that, your technique leaves you wide open and your ribs prime for kicking,” she informed him, smirking while he was still struggling to breathe evenly again.)

It was the same too open critique she’d criticized him for months ago, the one that she said was fighting like he was expecting his opponents not to hit back. Her swings left her wide open, now.

Though, if she knew it was him, then she also knew he wouldn’t hit back. So maybe the too open fighting made sense right now.

“Aren’t you glad I’m alive?” He asked, blocking an elbow strike and deflecting the punch that followed. He caught her wrist, wrapped his hand around it before she could pull it back (“You’re too open”)

“Of course I’m glad you’re alive,” she growled, sounding much more mad than glad.

Starmora AU where they live in a seaside town and go to college together, and have a competitive rivalry going on as captains of the swimteam, then one day Gamora’s out on the ocean and a storm comes rolling in and she’s tossed overboard, only to be rescued from crashing waves by mermaid!Peter - like seriously, what the hell? This idiot that she’s known for years has a motherfucking mermaid tail???

Oh, and there’s a Sentinel/Guide AU with sentinel!Gamora and Guide!Peter

Plus, some lovely Elspeth Quill prompts that make my heart glow

Also, the B99/Peraltiago Daemon AU where Jake’s daemon is a badger named Jeremiah, and everyone’s like, how did the most cuddly person of a human being get something as scary and confrontational as an American Badger? They took on bears and wolves! On purpose!

Almost forgot about the multichapter Peraltiago space ark AU- it’s technically a series of one shots in the same universe, and a song fic, based on a concept album (so there’s 11 chapters, since the album has 11 songs in it) - I have the first chapter of this completely done, but nothing close to the other 10, and I feel bad about having so many multichapters open at the same time and updating them so slowly (hence why all this crap is in my unposted junk), but I might post chapter one of this soon just as a little ‘screw you (I say to myself and sense of obligation/anxiety), I’m having fun writing this, that’s the only mandatory thing about fic writing, if I’m enjoying myself and taking forever, that’s something to rejoice in, not feel bad about

So yeah, goodness knows when all this shit will be out. I think the closest things I have to done are the Peraltiago space ark ch 1 AU and the Thorkyrie reunion fic

Ima tag @peraltiagoisland, @nymphrea, @star-munches, @marypoppinswasmyfatherbitches, @thingssunspokenorotherwise, @interabangs, @perilinpeace @elsaclack

Please don’t feel obligated to participate if I tagged you, and if you’re looking for an example for the way you’re actually supposed to do this ask meme and not my weird way, startofamoment’s post here is good

(cough cough elsaclack i almost didn’t tag you cause i didn’t want you to be pressured cause i know how that be sometimes, but i love u, and your writing, and also wanted to wave some of my peraltiago stuff that i’m exctied about in your face and be like ‘look what I made!’/’haven’t made yet’)

But really, same goes for everyone here, you’re tagged because ily and i love your stuff, and don’t feel obligated to participate, don’t do this if it’ll stress you out/make you feel pressured in the long run, only do it if it sounds fun cause you’re all so freakin’ great and i want you to have fun