#fuck it - name your blorbo so i have more shit to read / listen to

[vaguely-concerned]

I’m on a Star Wars books roll so here we go with my — unhinged thanks for asking! — thoughts on Dooku: Jedi Lost, specifically the audio play. Short version: I fucking loved this one! For maximum emotional devastation, pair with Master and Apprentice and Padawan the way my stupid ass did and then be sad about it forever I guess that's what I’m going to have to do.

 Long (LONG oopsie) version:

- So. First of all, let’s get the most important thing out of the way on this here old man yaoi website. We all agree dooku and sifo dyas explored each other’s bodies right. Or at least definitely would have if not for the laws of this order etc., potentially. That’s not just me. Good. Thank you. We can now move on 

- Secondly. Well. Guess I’m just going to be inconsolable about Sifo-Dyas forever now. I miss the days in which he was just a throwaway line in AotC spawned by a random misspelling to me, rather than an eternal raw aching wound in my heart

- poor poor ventress just reading through all the proof that dooku absolutely does have it in him to be a good dad I mean master and just — idk got tired of that and went the force lightning route with her. I love the move of having her dead master hang out with her all that time as well (having her slip up and refer to ‘us’ did something to me, god this is so sad. Is he actually there in spirit or is it just her grief dreaming him up because dooku is awful and cold as a cliff  wall and she needs some kind of attachment figure even if she’ll have to reinvent him herself, rebuild him word for word, gesture by gesture. Pain. sorry about your terrible track record with father figures asajj) 

- Lene: (About Averross): He hasn’t changed. 

Dooku: (In the warmest fondest voice you ever heard) And I hope he never does

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MYSELF? MUST I SET MYSELF ON FIRE TO ESCAPE THE PAIN???

Another strong showing for Rael in general, btw. He’s so warm and charming as a presence even though he’s also a little chaos gremlin. (He’s quite similar to how Sifo-Dyas was when he was young in some ways, I can definitely start to see what Dooku responds warmly to in terms of character traits.) 

- the fact that good ol’ sheev showed an interest in rael, dooku and anakin… interesting huh! He’s just got a soft spot for the disaster lineage I suppose, maybe there’s an element there of luring yoda’s most direct lineage into the dirt with him without yoda even noticing for the longest time. Also cackling at the idea that he looked at qui-gon ‘too fucking stubborn and insufferable to fall to the dark side out of sheer spite’ jinn and went ‘...not that one tho’ fhdskjfa. And obi-wan is more like ‘that one blorbo all my little guys seem wild about but I just don’t get it guys’ 

IF rael’s refusal to join dooku at the end of ‘master and apprentice’ is the last word (which I am not convinced of ;___; be safe cowboy jedi we never see in mainline canon so far), then he’s the only one who has dodged palpatine’s attentions. Wonderful if true love that for him

ALSO rael is one of the few people we know to be on (or at least to consider himself on despite what palps might think lol) first name basis with palpatine. Hilarious. I concur with dooku never change rael 

- Sifo-Dyas: That’s insane. 

Dooku, deadpan: Yes.

Sifo-Dyas: The worst plan I’ve ever heard.

Dooku, somehow even more deadpan: Most probably. 

Sifo-Dyas: I’m in. 

Crying… weeping and dying………… what if someone could have helped sifo with his unfortunate prophecy propensity and they hadn’t drifted apart. Clone Wars averted methinks if dooku still ended up leaving the order he would have been too busy having tender gay sex with the love of his life (and only person who can call him out on his shit and have him actually listen) to be a war criminal (I am being extremely facetious of course this is very much a ‘time traveler killing baby hitler’ situation where the underlying forces causing this point in history are way too powerful to avert the catastrophe in one move. but at least palps would probably have had to pick someone else to wreck the galaxy through and sifo-dyas would be kissed & held instead of going slowly mad. A net plus some (I, me) would say) 

- I just wanted to applaud both the writing and the voice acting for the characterization of Dooku in this, from his young self trying so hard to be haughty and self-possessed but also being like, y’know, twelve and a dweeb and easy for Sifo-Dyas to pull into trouble, to the dry wit and warmth he shows with Rael and Qui-Gon or his sister later. It took me a little while to get into the voice acting specifically (the actor makes no attempt at going the full Christopher Lee, which in hindsight was probably wise), but now I love it. It gets a bit goofy in places but you know what, I am a long time lover of audio plays, that’s part of the charm 

- “Master, have I done something wrong?”

My heart is clenching… do you think… that master yoda’s deal with leaving his student to try fucking everything to have some kind of relationship with him until he just breaks down in tears of despair… is the kind of thing that maybe started a little bit of a generational trauma cartwheel through the ages. The point that bb!dooku is arrogant isn’t without merit and he strikes out incredibly ungracefully about it (in fact I would be a lot more worried than yoda seems to be that he decides to try to kill a tree about it, ‘I felt like destroying something beautiful’-style)  but I just don’t think a… fourteen year old? A teen anyway, Is going to learn what you think he learns from this. I simply don’t believe that silent treatmenting kids will teach them emotional intelligence I guess especially if they already struggle with that naturally lol 

(It is exactly the same mistake (in my opinion) that Qui-Gon makes with Obi-Wan, too, just leaving the kid completely alone and forcing them to come to you every which way for comfort or guidance instead of meeting them or reaching out to them. Especially once you see that really Dooku’s prime emotion/big core wound right from the beginning is loneliness. And that doesn’t only come from a feeling of superiority (which to be sure is also a big factor), because he has no idea where he comes from until he meets his sister. I don’t think the jedi as a whole were unsalvageable by any stretch of the imagination, but Yoda specifically… you are on such very thin ice with me at this point you little green fuck. You’re very funny and moving in yoda dark rendezvous and that’s all that’s keeping you in my somewhat good graces.)

- Okay, coming back a bit later I think I’ve found the right words to say this. more precisely dooku has two big issues which you can later see haunting all the way down his lineage — loneliness and control. (and not incidentally the intersecting elements of the two haha.) We see from his relationship to sifo-dyas that he’s not incapable of having close mutual relationships with an equal, but that kind of crashed and burned for reasons neither of them could really help and after that it seems quite telling that he has the easiest time with deeper connection in a teacher-student sort of form. I think his affection is unconditional and real, but you can’t get away from the fact that he also has the most control in that relationship structure by default, he gets to dictate what form it takes to a big extent. He doesn’t trust other people — the underlying idea ‘Only I can do this’ that eventually leads him down the Separatist path is there the whole way. It speaks both to a sense of superiority and an utter lack of faith that other people can or will help him. And then that echoes down through the master-padawan line: 

Qui-Gon with his self-righteousness and utter refusal to compromise leaving him isolated among the jedi (only he is right. Yeah the Force told him so. Don’t worry I’ve got a permit *insert parks and rec I can do whatever I want meme here*), Obi-Wan with his anxiety and perfectionism and incredible sense of shame and responsibility that he should be able to carry the whole world on his shoulders alone and beating himself up for failing, all feeding into not knowing what to do with Anakin and his complete lack of control of himself and his desperation to gain and maintain connection and love (which earns him the title of ‘Dooku’s least favorite family member’ fhdsa his immediate disdain for him is so funny and so in character. Repress and go slowly mad like a normal person anakin the way you’re carrying on is just undignified and that is much worse than being evil)… 

- Rael gently telling Dooku to take on another padawan soon… so sweet, so sad, local cowboy jedi looking out for his dad. Also highlights something about Dooku I think is true: that he does much better and seems to have an easier time holding to the light when he’s responsible for someone else. Again, I do feel like Dooku’s core problem is loneliness, but it seems like raising kids is the one point where that relaxes somewhat. Maybe if Sifo-Dyas had stayed in a better mental place and they kept in touch it could have been different.

- Lene Kostana is SUCH a character! Charismatic and deeply fucked up, when it’s revealed how her and Sifo-Dyas’ relationship remains long after his padawan stage is done I felt a little bit sick, to my surprise. Because that could just be kindness on her part, of course, it’s good that he has someone he trusts to look after him when he can’t himself, but also there’s something… queasy about the way it keeps him continually young, in a way. (Notably he still calls her ‘master’ even as an adult, when they’re working together. Not uncommon in Star Wars, of course, but together with everything else going on vibes-wise… hm.) The inherent unreliable narration of this story really worked for me in this regard especially — do we know that young Dooku was entirely wrong when he sensed the dark side in her? She certainly is willing to go to lengths that are… worrying! in her fascination with sith shit, she tempted children into a dangerous place they didn’t understand and couldn’t know the consequences of and she continually puts sifo-dyas in situations that are implied to be a risk to worsening his condition. Run of the mill incredibly irresponsible at best, sincerely sinister at worst. Did she choose Sifo over Dooku because he’s more vulnerable and shapeable? There is an undercurrent of something icky and emotionally incest-y going on with how she relates to Dooku and Sifo-Dyas in general (right down to the ‘NO, no one can know about this’ intensity after the… evil moss cave. I can’t believe I’m this emotional about a book with an evil moss cave). I don’t think she’s a proper sith in any way and I also believe there is real affection there on all sides, but idk something about the whole thing makes me deeply uneasy. Yoda where the fuck are you your son is out there with his irresponsible mom again they’re looking for dirty needles in haystacks and they’re not even wearing any gloves

- dooku telling sifo-dyas he can come back to haunt him if he likes as a joke… well well well I’m sure that doesn’t ring with some dramatic irony at some point down the line lmao

- honestly looking back at master and apprentice after reading jedi lost makes qui-gon's apparent lack of reaction to dooku leaving seem — let's call it highly suspect haha. rael asks him if he's spoken to dooku after and qui-gon is like 'no. why would I. it's literally fine. anyway this topic is done now'. (and rael seems to just go ‘*older brotherly knowing* uh-huh’) meanwhile he's thinking about dooku *all the time* trying to figure out his role as master to obi-wan, thinking about being a padawan himself, the parts of his life he shared with both dooku and rael. The jedi doth protest too much methinks  

ALSO how much of qui-gon thinking the council was too lenient with rael after he had to kill his padawan is about that actual situation, and how much is a ‘our family still likes my older brother more than me even though he Fucked Up so bad and breaks just as many rules as I do’ sort of deal mixed with his own neuroses about how he’s failing obi-wan (to which rael’s situation symbolizes the worst possible outcome, i.e. the kid dies and it’s basically your fault). Many thoughts. 

- moment of silence for jenza of house serenno. Girl your only sin was being surrounded by asshole male family members and I’m so sorry I think you did all you could with what you had to work with here.

Not… entirely sure how dooku’s claim to the title supersedes hers — is he a year older than her? (she’s eleven when they first meet, he might be twelve or older at that point I don’t remember haha) Does she just give up her place in the inheritance order? Are primogeniture and male heir preference factors in Serenno inheritance law? Not the most important thing honestly it works anyway thematically but could have been clarified quickly!

- interesting to see that the council’s restrictive policy against engaging with prophecies had a surprisingly big impact on how things went down. Kostana has a lot of responsibility in Sifo’s fate for insisting he keep it secret, but there is genuine fear for what might become of him if the rest of the order finds out he’s got 24/7 futurevision hovering over him threateningly… listen it’s not like the poor guy can help getting the future constantly pumped into his brain at nightmare resolutions, I think maybe if there had been more willingness to at least engage curiously with the concept of prophecy and how it works, even if you don’t put your faith in the particulars of what the prophecies say, this wouldn’t have had to be such a shitty isolated secretive life for him. hearing him slowly fall apart over the years considering how bright and lovely he started out... oof is all I can say 

- when dooku was a good jedi he was such a good jedi!!! The scene where they’re saving the kids from the collapsing hospital, every time he teaches his students anything…the impulse of someone has to do something about this! that made him so good at saving lives turning dark with the tarnish of frustration and rage over the years… nooooooooo problematic grandpa why did it have to be like this :(

- …do you think infant jedi can sense what’s going on around them in the Force. Because it makes a very sad kind of sense if dooku on some level remembers bodily or in the Force that he was not only abandoned but rejected in disgust as one of the first things he discovered in the world. Oh boy. With all the ways attachment relationships can go wonky in the first few years in real life I don’t even want to consider how much more wrong it can go when the baby is fucking psychic lol

- vaguely related: the way dooku seems to find the very idea of being truly reliant on anyone, emotionally or otherwise, personally offensive, terrifying and humiliating lol. Yoda saves him from being crushed by rubble and he is outraged because that means he can’t save himself (and his newfound sister) without anyone’s help like he thought for one glorious moment he could. The fantasy of perfect emotional self-sufficiency, doing away with all the messiness and risk of interpersonal relationships and cutting off the possibility of really being abandoned again. It’ll get ya every time. This is also a thing you see reflected in his lineage — they’re all quite inward-turning that way until you get to anakin, to different extents and with varying presentations but it is there I think. Qui-Gon turns to the Force, Obi-Wan to perfectionism and shame and rumination, Rael to the bottle and depression and hedonistic apathy, but they all struggle hugely with letting anyone in to help them. Dooku’s line are all much more comfortable being the helpers rather than the helpees, as it were.  

- “Thank you for everything, Lene. Tell Rael and Qui-Gon — tell them… tell them the Force will be with them, always”

Emotional terrorism against me specifically and personally. You asshole you just excused yourself from the non-attachment rules there’s literally nothing in the world except you to stop you from reaching out and telling your children you love them yOURSELF why are you like this

- the recurring theme of dooku seeing something beautiful (the tree in the temple, the tirra’taka as a child and an adult) and ending up lashing out to destroy it… but the tree was old and mighty and he was young and new and couldn’t truly harm it, so he was saved from his own impulsivity. And then when he sees the tirra’taka as an adult he loves it immediately. And in the end he still mangles and destroys it. He didn’t mean to, but he did. He woke it up and hurt it just by existing as a child and then he had to kill it as a mercy because he was too powerful at that point for anything to buffer his mistakes. The parallel with the bird he loved that he also couldn’t protect. He starts out with an aching loneliness somewhere at the core of him through no real fault of his own but by the end it is entirely his own fault that it’s worse, because he starts wrecking everything he loves in an almost absent-minded but definitely intentional way, like it’s a nightmare he’s listening to through the door as it happens in the next room over. He really IS the ‘I just felt like destroying something beautiful’ central of the jedi.

at the end qui-gon is dead and through dooku’s own influence, however indirectly. Rael has had to turn away from him. Sifo-Dyas is dead on Dooku’s own orders and so is his sister, he might as well have done it with his own hands. (though I think it’s very interesting that in each case he didn’t do it with his own hands, he consistently uses a middleman.) He lives within the coldness of his sterile empty castle and horrifically mistreats the one person he might have found something like connection with the way he did with his students before (Ventress), deliberately trapping her in a similar state of utter desolate isolation and telling her, essentially, ‘We’re like this as people and nothing can be done to change it. We can’t escape, we’re already doomed, stop trying, it’s too late. You are just like me (and if you aren't already I'll make you like me)’. And that’s the closest thing he gets to love anymore. When he accused Ky of using her ‘as a salve for his own loneliness’ and you’re like well well well mr projection man how’s that working out for you. He is completely, shatteringly alone and he is so entirely as a consequence of his own actions and he's too far gone to understand or care. I’m howling you useless fucking FOOL dooku  

- dooku 🤝 john gaius

“Hm. I have observed that there are in fact many flaws in our society and the government is deeply corrupt. So if I kill a few billion people here and there in order to fix it, is that not basically okay when you really think about it” 

Dooku making salient points about the political and ethical failures of the Republic and then, just when you think he’s onto something, he goes and makes The wildest fucking decisions about what to do about it. Sure. dark magic and genocide are probably the only ways out of this you’re so right bro. If we make enough minuses to add together surely we’ll end up in plus sooner or later

- *head in my hands once more* I can’t believe I am genuinely emotionally invested in someone called Count Dooku with the looks of a knockoff dracula and ultimate moral character to match right now this is terrible. hey. hey dooks. what you have to go and fuck everything up so bad for huh I’m so incredibly sad now

there is something to be said about how getting to see glimpses of what dooku looked like in the light makes it so much more heartwrenching that he never came back. he could have, a thousand times. and every time he chose not to.

[faustiandevil]

Depression makes a man do stupid things and here is what I did. Peter Lorre tier list, all movies (well the ones that were available online and in a language I could understand), all characters ranked in a highly scientific way. Feel free to defend your blorbos, but know this I’m right, you’re wrong, SHUDDUP!! (This is a reference I hope y’all get, but in any case do feel free to defend your blorbos I wanna hear y’alls takes.)

My reasonings under the cut. Enter, but be warned it truly is my twisted sick mind down there. If you scroll down long enough to see the Shining reference, I love you.

Bildreporter Johnny (F.P.1 antwortet nicht): No, no, no, no, no, no! Highly unfuckable look! Why does he look like an old man and a baby at the same time??? I can’t do this!!

Mr. Kentaro Moto (Mr. Moto Series): Racism. I’m sorry, I can’t. Absolutely hate it. Shit tier. Same goes with the movies. I only really liked Mr. Moto’s Gamble, which I found out was actually a Charlie Chan script asdfghjkl

Stephen Danel (Island of Doomed Men): Slave owner. Killed a monkey. Was kind of okay with his wife tho, until the end, I guess they needed a reason to off him.

Roderick Raskolnikov (Crime and Punishment): I’m putting him down on the list, because I read Crime and Punishment and the movie is way too ‘Murican. Already the names were bastardized and as someone who loves Russian literature I just can’t deal with that shit. He was okay, but ehhh… (The 1970 movie is way better, and Taratorkin is the best Rashkolnikov, fucking fight me.)

Nikolai Zaleshoff (Background to Danger): Again, butchering Russian names. Not even a patronymic. Kind of a caricature as well with all of the vodka drinking. And again he gets shot and for what??

Sergeant Berger (The Cross of Lorraine): I’m stronger. I will resist. The scene where he blows the cigarette smoke into the guy’s face and kicks him does things to me. I will admit. But that man is a nazi and I cannot in good consciousness put him anywhere else, but shit tier.

Captain Chang (They Met in Bombay): Glark Cable tolerable?? In my movie?? More likely than you think. Did not like the racism again. The beard is nice, so he goes slightly higher than shit tier.

Baron Ikito (Invisible Agent): He gets put in a slightly higher tier than shit tier only, because of the last line in the movie that made me very very gay. “I can make an honorable man out of you” like you can’t make him say shit like that I’m already a weak little homosexual!!

Hilary Cummins (The Beast With Five Fingers): This may be a surprise, but listen, hear me out, I have reasons. I cannot deal with an Astrology bitch. Like, yeah I also like to read my horrorscope every now and then, and I’m a Satanist, but I don’t vibe with that shit, he is too obsessed. Not every gay is gonna be into Asstrology. Also I cannot moan the name Hilary while giving this man dick without thinking of the Clinton woman. Also Cummins??? That’s an OnlyEnemies name. PS. The movie was bad when the hand turned out to be fake.

Julius O’Hara (Beat The Devil): Oh, no I’m not vibing with the hair again. I’m not into it. Loved his bullshitting, even if he is not very good at lying.

Conseil (20,000 Leagues Under the Sea): Liked seeing him together with my rich successful uncle Lukács, and had some nice fits in the movie, but it’s only slightly above shit tier. Saw tentacles, but got nothing. Absolutely disappointed.

Ahmed (Five Weeks in a Balloon): Racism again. Love his rainbow colored pants. The fez does nothing for me. Because of the earring he gets put higher than shit tier.

Pawlitschek (Bomben Auf Monte Carlo): He’s cute. He knows how to cook. Its fucking goulash of course, but ugggh fine I’ll eat it. Look I love you I’ll eat it. Fucking tourist food that no self-respecting Hungarian is going to touch. It’s just fucking soup.

Otto Fuesslli (What Women Dream Of): He is adorable. Clearly faking that piano play, but he sings like an angle. Docking points for being a cop tho. I’m sorry, but in this house we ain’t fucking cops.

Maj. Sigfried Gruning (Lancer Spy): Okay, I’m conflicted. Not sold on the hair, or the mustache, but I’m a military man, I love a uniform, he has a sword. (Babygirl you wanna see my sword~?) Uhhh… he also doesn’t do much in the movie.

Louis ‘The Dope’ Monteau (I’ll Give a Million): Adowable. A dumb baby. And that is why he only gets put in mid tier. Too cute for my taste. Still good for him and all the other poor homeless guys for pulling off the scam of the century on the rich bastards. Respect.

Polo (I Was An Adventuress): Same problem with Louis. He has too much boi energy. Every time I see that image where he looks up with them big ol’ eyes all I can think about is that meme the “Bitch use your words I don’t speak bottom”.

The Stranger (The Stranger on The Third Floor): Okay… uhm… this is a though one… There’s not much info on The Stranger, we don’t even know his name, we only know that he is mentally ill and killed a man. We all have our faults. I mean in this day and age who isn’t mentally ill and killed at least one person. So… mid tier. Like his scarf tho.

Paul Hyde (Mr. District Attorney): The way he got shot was bullshit. What the fuck was that about?? I hardly even remember this movie.

Joel Cairo (The Maltese Falcon): Okay… I gotta confess… I fucking hate the Maltese Falcon. There I said it. It just rubs me the wrong way that in book context and Hays code movie context Joel is gay and gets beaten up the most. Like finally a highly canon gay one for me and I get this home of phobia. Fuck this. Also I do not like Bogart and I think this movie started it lol.

Pepi (All Through the Night): I’mma get shit for this. But… but… hear me out… sometimes a man thinks with his dick and not with his brain. This is one of them. When he shows up at the bar, dressed up all nice, smoking his little cigarette… I’m weak. And yes I know he is a nazi, but I could fix him. I could fuck the fascism out of him. If not… well… //cocks gun// Mid tier, because I can’t put him higher than that. If not for the fascism he would be A tier.

Jan Bernazsky (The Conspirators): I remember nothing from this movie. I think he was a red herring. He goes in mid.

Slimane (Casbah): Casablanca the musical. Getting very gay vibes from Slimane. Why are you a detective? To catch other men. To hold them close after you shoot them. Wow faggy. Anyway, a bit conflicted and had to dock points, because again cop.

Toady (Rope of Sand): I only watched this movie, because Claude Rains is the same height as me and I was hoping to see them stand next to each other, so I can visualize the height difference. Got a very nice homosexual cig lit scene from it. I have no recollection of the movie besides that scene, but he looks fine.

Japanese Steward on the S.S. Carnatic (Around the World in Eighty Days): I can’t fuck a man on a boat I’ll get sea sick.

Kurt Bergner (The Buster Keaton Story): Were you channeling some other asshole director from your life? You looked like you knew what you were doing? Anyway, would fuck just so I could get my start in the movie industry, but this relationship ain’t gonna last longer than a headline.

Brankov (Silk Stockings): Glorious Technicolor~ I have issues with this movie. It’s the inferior Ninotchka. The Russian names are once again butchered. The dancing is nice. Go white boy, fuck up the dance floor!! Nothing else to say about it really.

Abdul (The Sad Sack): Mon petite~! If I justified Pepi being in mid-tier, I can do the same for Abdul. He was eager to kill Jerry Lewis’ character and I think the movie would have benefited from it. Still he can’t go higher, because of the… ehh… Hollywood racism. He would be top fucking tier otherwise.

Skeeter (The Big Circus): Not into clowns. (A contradictory statement. If you know you know.)

Montresor (Tales of Terror): I’m in a predicament, because I’m a cat lover and this man was mean to a cat. He is very hot tho. Sorry, babes, but you gotta go into the mid rankings. Also fix your alcohol problem, I cannot let Freud win.

Hans Beckert (M): Okay, this is going to be controversial putting the child murderer so high up on the list, but consider this. He is so pathetic when he gets thrown down the stairs that I just can’t not fuck him. I’m also willing to look past that besides murder he also probably did other things too (yeah that’s a bit harder to get past eugh…). The murder I’m fine with tho. I’m very often locked in a train car with screaming children and I mean that would make anyone start whistling the tune of Edvard Grieg’s In the Hall of the Mountain King. My dick could fix him, but if he wants to murder a child every now and then. I’m all for it.

Redakteur Stix (Die Koffer des Herrn O.F.): This man fucks. And I do mean HE fucks. Polo and Louis wish they were like Stix. He goes into A tier for terrorizing a whole town, getting laid, and getting the girl. Would you like to get the boy as well, hun~?

The General (Secret Agent): This look is absolute horrid… I fucking love it. For someone who is known to be a mustache lover I don’t ever want to see Peter with one. (I’m the one who wears the mustaches in this relationship.) This is an exception tho. It’s a gay disaster look. It’s so bad it’s hot. Extra points for the earring. (The ending to that movie was absolute bullshit tho. General your gun!!)

Prof. Sturm (Nancy Steele Is Missing!): I love it when he is a manipulative little bastard. Also he could have gotten away with it if it weren’t for someone having morals and loving his stolen adoptive child. Absolutely disgusting. The mustache and the glasses combo are acceptable (even if he looks like one of my high school teachers).

M’sieu Pig (Strange Cargo): The other incel. I’m docking points, because for most of the movie I had to watch Clark Gable be a misogynist and I already hate him. All this just to eyeball Peter Lorre… Anyway I would make that piggy squeal. A tier, but only because he shows off a bit of chest hair.

Fenninger (You’ll Find Out): Not particularly fond of this look. I like it better when his hair is a bit messy. Is one third of an evil gay polycule, so points to that. And also the long cig holder. Very gay, hun. And who can forget the og teeth. Would still drag my tongue across those chompers I don’t care what anyone says. (Mainly, because I also have similar fucked up looking messy teeth.)

Signor Ugarte (Casablanca): I’m putting him only in A tier, because he killed nazis at the start of the movie and is a desperate little homo, which is a trait I very much relate to. But Bogart… really… honey you could do so much better. Seriously y’all look me in the eye and tell me that Bogart is hot, when he plays these asshole characters. I’ll wait. Besides I’m right here. I’m ready to top you babe.

Marius (Passage To Marseilles): Love a man who is honest and proud of his professional achievements. And is very much good with his hands hello~ Dies (seriously why???) while fighting nazis. A bit of a scraggly look, but I love it. I also had to look up pics for this and turtlenecks make any man look slutty… and sir… your tits!! I need to feel them through the fabric~ Or just in general~

Dr. Einstein (Arsenic and Old Lace): He is a cute pathetic little meow meow. I want to (the following sentence had to be censored due to violating the Hays code). I am putting him only in A tier, because he is too popular, but I feel like that’s a personal bias.

Johannes Koenig (Hotel Berlin): Again a nice scraggly look. I love it~ He does get his shit together by the end and that’s good, but I wish he’d kept the five o’clock.

Contreras (Confidential Agent): I love a man who hates his job. So relatable. He does a big no no with being a sellout to the fascists, but he gets his just desserts and surprising doesn’t die from a gun, but a heart attack (and they pull a Weekend at Bernie’s with his corpse later on). He is really pathetic and I cannot control myself.

Johnny West (Three Strangers): //heavy breathing// I want him!! Finally a romantic role!! Babygirl yes!! I know you could do it!! If only you also took the money!!!!!!!!! For that last one he goes into A tier and not higher.

Gino (The Chase): Show off more of that chest hair, slut!! I would also not let this man drive (not that I can either). Besides babes the backseat has more space~

Nick (Quicksand): Blackmailing is fun when it’s not happening to you~ Also if we get together I could probably play the games for free. That’s a plus.

Paynter (Double Confession): This man was so desperate for approval. And y’all cannot tell me that he and Charlie weren’t a bit more than friends. Oh a man saves you and now you would do murders for him (except he’s a loser and is not okay with murder). Babe ditch him I would let you kill people for me. I’m not a pussy.

Dr. Karl Rothe/Dr. Karl Neumeister (The Lost One): Babygirl you have some deep rooted psychological issues that you should get checked out. Still, here’s my number. Call me, when you feel like choking me out, but not in a killing way. (Or maybe in a killing way, depends on how I feel.)

Colonel John Miguel Orlando Arragas (Congo Crossing): The straights looked at each other once and immediately kissed, so that set the tone for me. Anyway he is a cop, but he does do the right thing at the end, but still a cop. The uniform is nice. Doesn’t like his job much, so that’s kind of sexy. Eh, you know, what A tier. He is the exception. (I do hope he doesn’t expect me to say his entire name while I’m d(HAYS CODE) him down and making him swallow my (HAYS CODE).)

Nero (The Story of Mankind): Listen, I have some kinks… if you read my writings you know… I’m also drawn to a man with power, and money, and insanity. (I’m also really glad he didn’t have the chin beard like the real Nero, because that’s a deal breaker.)

Smiley (Scent of Mystery): Absolutely disappointed that this movie didn’t have a Dora the Explorer segment where the characters turn to the screen and ask the viewer if they can guess the mystery scent. Anyway hot. I love a man who knows how to be crafty regarding his job. Cheating, stealing, lying, all traits that make a honest Hungarian. Even stole someone’s wife just for the heck of it. Oh, honey~ Only A tier, because I can’t see this relationship going further than some fun in the backseat, but that’s probably enough.

Comm. Lucius Emery (Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea): He has a pet shark and wears a uniform. I’m already undoing my belt. This movie was… mmm… not good tho.

Dr. Adolphus Bedlo (The Raven): He is an abusive drunk parent. But he is so wet and pathetic. Frued won, I really am just gonna get together with someone who is like my dad (the real one not Béla).

Mr. Strangdour (Muscle Beach Party): He is the strongest man alive and yet I, his silly little kitten get to top him. My only problem with him is that I cannot for the life of me remember his name for some reason so I guess he just gotta deal with being called Sourdough and Stroganoff for the rest of his life. My concern is that his stupid kid is gonna walk in one day and go “Oh, you guys are wrestling, who’s winning? 8D” and I don’t want to deal with that.

Abbott (The Man Who Knew Too Much): He is evil, he is cunning, he has a neat little hair stripe just like me! Would also kill a child, which I personally don’t think is a terrible trait (as we saw earlier). Absolute snack! Baby I’ll be your dragon, I’ll be your right hand arm-man, your silly little homo eye candy!

Dr. Gogol (Mad Love): My favorite incel!! I wanna crack his bald head open with my canines like a hardboiled egg, call him a pathetic loser, and pin him against a wall and tongue him down! But seriously the man is the equivalent of a Reddit user, he has money tho, and if I could be his kept man, I wouldn’t mind.

Colonel Gimpy/Baron Rudolph Maximillian Tagger (Crack-Up): That scene where the plane is crashed into the ocean and his hair is wet and he looks up straight into the camera… //fans self// H-hewwo… daddy… sorry… daddy… sorry… Yeah, top tier. No question.

János ‘Johnny’ Szabó (The Face Behind The Mask): I refuse to use anything, but the correct Hungarian spelling, fuck you Hollywood. Kinda meh about him before the accident, way too happy and optimistic for my liking. I like a man who is bitter and ready to kill. Also something about masks just gives people a certain allure. Gets extra points for being the only Hungarian character Peter ever played and judging from the letter he writes back home, Johnny actually knows the language haha. I wouldn’t have to translate him my stupid memes, we could just switch back and forth. Domestic bliss.

Dr. Arthur Lorencz (The Boogie Man Will Get You): Top fucking tier! The most guy ever! He is a politician, he sells snake oil, he is a doctor, and also the town sheriff, cat lover, gay! Is there something this man can’t do! Love him!

Fritz Bercovy (The Constant Nymph): I know that in the book the character is supposed to be a very antisemitic caricature, but I think it was rewritten in the movie. Also I tried multiple times to check how old Toni is, but I only kept finding it for Tessa, so I’mma just gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and say that Fritz is not a groomer, unlike Lewis. With all that out of the way, I have a confessions to make. This character sent me over the edge and I did a Peter Lorre expy in my novel. I am weak. I saw him in the fur with the cane (and the whole club was looking at her) and… he really be doing boyfriend cosplay with one of my main characters. Also he has money and is willing to spend it on his SO, so… //twirls hair// I’d love to be a kept man~

Cornelius Leyden (The Mask of Dimitrios): This man was put on this wretched Earth to wear bowties and by Lucifer he makes them look good. Also he has little gray hairs on the side. And glasses!!! //heavy breathing// I need to make him scream my name all through the night!

Peter Lorre (Hollywood Canteen): That’s just my mans! That’s just my guy! That’s just my husband! My sweet cheese! My rotten soldier! My good time BOI! How could I not put him at the top? (Disclaimer: The only one topping that man is me ayyyy)

Marko (Black Angel): This man really cannot sit normally, huh. Anyway, he was hot, fruity, and a loving father. And the movie wasn’t bad either. I was actually rooting for the straights in this one.

Victor Emmric (The Verdict): Oh, he is husband material. He is a morbid little bastard, and is also romantic. A bit on the drunk side, but I don’t care. He’s hot. Would love to do art trades with him.

Kismet (My Favourite Brunette): This man is MY favourite brunette. My nasty boyfriend who holds me at knife point and spits in my mouth and calls me his bitch~ (Is that a knife in your pocket or are you just happy to see me~) I would also help this man get his citizenship.

Peter Lorre (Meet Me in Las Vegas): People who say that they are only into him when he is young and slim are weak as fuck. Oh, so just because this man is old and fat and his biological clock is not ticking anymore you don’t wanna try and get him preganant anymore??? Move over!! I’ll give this man evil milk (read: cum).

Commissioner Lamoret (Hell Ship Mutiny): I love a man who absolutely hates his job and just wants an easy life and is also willing to murder a child for it. We have so much in common~ And with my help, we would have gotten away with it. We’d be spending retirement in Bora Bora, baybeh.

Felix Gillie (The Comedy of Terrors): You see that man? That man, is my husband. We are married. He supports me and I support him. I would lie in the coffin that he made for me. I know that most peeps fall for him in Arsenic, well I’m different. I have the Father Issues and I want stability and I feel like Felix would give that to me.

Morgan Heywood (The Patsy): He was suffering, I was suffering, there was a collective suffering with this movie. Our meet-cute is me absolutely going feral and killing Jerry Lewis right in front of him. Our eyes lock as I’m covered in blood and the cops take me away. He falls in love with me right then and there. Conjugal visits right until the end of my life sentence.

Okay, y'all can go now~

[bvckandeddie]

Tumblr Fandom: A Year in Review 2023

i was tagged by @captain-hen, thank you! 🥰

i was tempted to skip the top five blorbos/fandoms/pairings section because let's be honest, it's really only been buck and eddie for the entire year, but i do have other interests even if i'm not as involved in them as i am in buddie. so enjoy learning more about my ao3 history, i guess? 😂

top 5 blorbos:

evan "buck" buckley (9-1-1)

eddie diaz (9-1-1)

roy kent (ted lasso)

clint barton (marvel)

billy butcher (the boys) (i literally started watching this show two weeks ago but y'know what? i'm adding it. butcher is just so blorbo shaped.)

top 5 fandoms:

9-1-1

avatar: the last airbender (for anyone who doesn't know, my atla sideblog is @zukkababey!)

marvel

ted lasso

teen wolf

top 5 pairings:

evan buckley/eddie diaz (9-1-1)

roy kent/jamie tartt (ted lasso)

clint barton/bucky barnes (marvel)

arthur/eames (inception)

billy butcher/hughie campbell (the boys)

shoutout to some new friends:

i've talked to so many new people this year who have really made me feel included in the 9-1-1 fandom, namely @devirnis, @colonoscopys, @shitouttabuck, @housewifebuck, @eddiebabygirldiaz, @vampbuckley and @buck2eddie. i love seeing you all in my notifications, and so many of you have been so encouraging, especially during my writing drought that's been persisting for months. y'all are great 🥹🫶

shoutout to some old friends:

i'm kinda new here but @eddiediaaz, i'm pretty sure you were my first ever 9-1-1 mutual that i talked to and you really made me feel so so welcome in the fandom when i posted my first buddie fic back in 2022. i will always be grateful for that and you!!! ❤️

favourite creation you posted this year:

it's definitely gotta be what a heart can do. i love dad buck so much, i had such a fun time writing it, and i think it's some of my best storytelling. it makes me really happy that so many people have read and enjoyed it!

favourite creation posted by someone else this year:

THIS VIDEO by @butchdiaz. holy fucking shit. i'm sure everyone reading this has already seen it, but ohhhhh my god. this video rearranged my molecules. i can't listen to ceilings without thinking about it. the way you edited it to match so many important buddie moments, it genuinely makes me feel so insane. i re-watched it last night and i'm still vibrating just thinking about it.

people who brightened your year:

so many people!!! @negansmiith made a graphic for hurt locker that basically made my whole year! it is saved in my camera roll and i look back on it frequently. 🥰 @housewifebuck made a beautiful hat that i am genuinely obsessed with. check out their shop!!! anyone who has ever read my silly tags on a post i reblogged and dm'd me to chat about it—i love you.

anyone else you'd like to mention:

everyone who has read my fics or commented on them telling me your thoughts, thank you. seriously. just know that when i read your comment(s), i was twirling my hair and kicking my feet back and forth and squealing and smiling so hard my cheeks started to hurt. every single comment made 2023 that much brighter.

five of your favourite authors this year:

@gayhoediaz - every time i get an email that you've posted a buddie fic, i know that i have a bedtime story for that night. i know it's gonna be a good one, every single time.

@devirnis - i read your fic about buck and eddie ring shopping and getting caught up in a robbery and i've never looked back. i've read so many of your fics this year (and tbh, thank god i still have more to read) and i'm looking forward to reading all the ones that you have in the works!!!

@colonoscopys - i’m pretty sure that i binged basically all of your fics this year and i don’t regret a single thing (except maybe going through them too fast). god, i love your writing.

@rewritetheending - gosh the way you’re able to get to the heart of emotions and describe them in a way that puts an ache in my chest makes me want to claw the ground until my fingernails break off. my fave fic of yours is still while we do what lovers do and i know it wasn’t posted in 2023 but i needed to shout it out here because goddddddd. i still think about it all the time.

@letmetellyouaboutmyfeels - i enjoyed reading your halloween fics this year so much, particularly your dark buddie au. sometimes you just gotta imagine your wholesome, already in love blorbos be absolutely unhinged and crazy about each other, and that’s perfectly normal. i actually remember looking for a dark buddie fic when i first joined the fandom and there were none, so i’m glad my wish was fulfilled, especially when it was done so damn well.

five of your favourite artists/gifmakers/podficcers/etc. this year:

@try-set-me-on-fire - you could have gone under fave authors too, but i fucking love your art style. i don't know art terms so forgive me, but something about the messiness and abstractness scratches this itch deep in my brain and they evoke such unnameable feelings that want to burst out of my ribcage. ugh!!!!!! if you sold prints i'd be checking out in two seconds flat.

@butchdiaz - i know i already waxed poetic about your ceilings edit, but i love your edits/gifs too, particularly this one. it's so simple but so beautiful and fucking devastating. the gif aspect is subtle but intentional (buck fading to black and white while the blood stays red?????? KILL ME!). i'd eat your gifs if i could.

@shitouttabuck - you could go under fave authors too (hello i love you like a dog fic) but i wanted to shout you out here because you are so fucking funny. every single edit you post makes me giggle out loud. tbh i didn't even realize they were all from you until i started scrolling through your edit tag looking for this post. i can't get over it. i literally laughed at it AGAIN when i found it.

@eddiediaaz - you are constantly feeding the 911 fandom. you make so many gifsets on so many different sideblogs that i'm sure no one actually knows how many gifs you're constantly making. and every single one is so goddamn good??? and they're so creative. like this one??? there are so many things going on, i can't even fathom how the hell you did it. gifmakers are magic, i swear.

@iinryer - YOUR ART FUELS ME. your style is so *clenches fist* fucking cool. the lines are simple but they still look like the characters?? i admire that so, so much because i know if i ever tried that they'd look so wonky, lol. i think about juice box chim all the damn time and i don't know where i've been lately but this one with buck and chris??? it's so soft and sweet and vulnerable, with the way buck is holding him and chris is nestled. GOD. everything you make is gold.

three (+1) things you're looking forward to in 2024:

getting my masters degree!

getting a job, maybe???

posting more buddie fic 👀

+ season 7 of 911, obviously.

i’m sure i’ve missed some people inadvertently but this was really fun to do! at this time of year, with the short days and cold weather (at least for some of us), i think we could all do with a little bit of joy and a brighter day. i really love this fandom and i'm so grateful to be a part of it!

tagging everyone i mentioned in this post, if you haven’t already done it and want to participate! ❤️

[afniel]

When you get this, publish 5 songs you like to listen to, then send it to ten mutuals!

Ooh this should be fun. Only five? I could do this all day but let's go. In fact I'm just gonna give you a chunk off my aptly-named "writing MMX fanned fiction" playlist that I keep going back to listen to, because, well. Guess what I've been doing still.

I feel like there should be a way to do a small embed but if there is I can't find it, sooooo uhhhhh sorry for the long post!

1.

I'm not actually sure if it's got anything to do with the plot but the vibes are impeccable so I kept it. Ghost kinda fucks.

2.

This is so extremely a character song and I won't bore the uninterested by going into it but if you have read any of my shit you can immediately figure out who. I'm 100% positive about that. I dunno where I got this. I think I was just letting Spotify run on its own and it pulled this out and I went, oh hey hold up I can rotate a blorbo to this...

3.

Songs that just hit exactly right when you're writing a series in a setting that's basically running on sentient robot slavery. Essenger is alright, but Scandroid is kinda what makes it work for me. On their own Essenger is a little too downtempo for my tastes.

4.

This is also a character song! Whose? Mmmmm you'll figure it out or you won't. The point is though that it's fucking cool and Gary Numan is doing some awesome shit these days. I wouldn't have even known but my buddy @uendwen send it to me and I immediately was obsessed.

5.

I'm cheating and this is two songs, but the first goes straight into the second without a break, so I'm calling it one.

Really gotta listen to them back to back. Spotify randomly played MHz and I went, whoa, what is this, I kinda like it. The more I listened to it the more I got into it, and then I listened to Problem Me just to see if I liked it, and it slaps also. The vibe was so exactly what I was looking for too. I'd never heard of Modwheelmood. Sometimes the Spotify algorithm is good, actually.

I am a little braindead today and don't feel like finding ten people to send this to, so consider yourself tagged. I wanna hear your tunes. Hook me up with some new shit to listen to.

[ultfreakme]

Who is Jon Kent? And why do you like him? (Is it rude to ask that? I just want to know)

Hi Nonnie! Oh dw it's not rude to ask at all!! Always happy to rant about Jon.

So Jon Kent(full name Jonathan Samuel Kent) is the son of Superman and Lois Lane. He is currently Superman, and shares the title with his dad Clark, and Kong Kenan. He's 17-18 years old and he's my precious blorbo ;_;

Okay reasons I like him:

I relate to his experience of being bisexual and his journey with it: So Jon's bi, the news articles about a 'queer superman' is what made me read his comics because I was just so happy and intrigued by it. Jon's bisexuality isn't a central focus, he doesn't have any denial about it, or have some moment where it clicks and he has a crisis about it. Jon's very casual about it, he knows he's bi. He's more scared about how people will perceive it rather than have any personal difficulties with it. And that realy resonated with me because when I figured out I was bi/pan/queer something, I didn't panic, I didn't go "oh no no no", I just went "huh, okay" and existed like that. A lot of queer characters are about queer pain, so seeing Jon just be bisexual and that being the least of his worries was nice to see.

He always tries his best to learn and be better: Jon never assumes that he's got the solutions, or that he's got a sure-fire way of doing things. He's constantly asking people for guidance, letting others explain their POV and later, he gives his viewpoint. He only goes "no fuck you" when he's got all the information required. Like he's so careful, and he learns on his own and from people around him. - So he's like, a superpowered near god-like being. But his main mentor is Nightwing- a regular human vigilante. He goes to him to learn to contain his powers & be better at investigating. - His first major storyline is him helping save a country from a dictator, and the movement was first led by his boyfriend, Jay Nakamura. Jon joins later. So he always lets Jay take the lead on it because Jay has told him Superman can't fix everything and he should be about empowering people rather than coming down on people like he knows everything. - His go-to for advice isn't Clark Kent, the og Superman, but his mom- Lois Lane who's an expert journalist. His closest, most trusted circles are all regular non-powered people who influence the world in their own way.

He's accidentally funny as fuck: Like he doesn't TRY to make jokes, but he says and does shit that just makes me laugh at him. Eg: He's always talking about how he 'listens to all perspectives and doesn't start fighting unless he's heard all side'. BUT. His one exception, is BATMAN. And this is because Batman once kind of suggested "hey your boyfriend is shady as fuck I think he's part of a terrorist organization can you check that?" and JON LOSES IT. Ever since then, he's had some petty ass grudge against Batman. Which is horrible because Batman is practically his uncle and family. This goes to the point he gives LEX LUTHOR a chance over Batman. Also, he really, really tries to be all calm and collected and rational but so far I think he's kidnapped a senator, gotten jailed, barged into a foreign president's home, barged into Lex's place and with like minimal evidence went 'Idk wtf you did wrong or why or how- but I know it's you'

He's annoying: He mastered chess in 8 seconds, he knows all the rules, he's good enough to beat Lex Luthor, considered the smartest man on the planet. But just to piss off Lex, he acts all innocent WHILE BEATING HIM and goes "see? My horsey took your piece". Like said 'horsey' as if he doesn't know tf a Knight is. Also literally any time he talks about Batman, he says the most sarcastic, dry shit ever. "Anger issues stuffed into a bat suit" is my personal fave.

He's a sweetheart!!! A kid called him a clown and he just, played along with it. He gave his boyfriend a ring that can make him fly. He heats up his mom's coffee in secret when she's swamped with work and helps his grandma bake pie! In his free time he helps replant forests ;_;

His daddy issues compel me: Okay so Jon.....to succinctly put- got trapped in an alternate universe where he was basically tortured by an AU version of his dad for about half a decade. When he returned, due to space-time shenanigans, 6 yrs for him was 3 weeks in his original world. His main tormentor wore his dad's face and he missed out on all his childhood. People were waiting for a 10 yr old version of him but he's 17-18 and people have a hard time digesting that. Jon suppresses the crap out of his issues. He never talks about it. The one time he does, he's extremely vague. He's hurt by his father not giving him the same kind of attention, by his parents so clearly missing the old him, but he never complains about it. Instead, he tries to fit around their expectations which is heartbreaking. Like reading about it is very fun for me.

He's just really fun to read about idk if my Jon propaganda is working XDXD

[ardent-fox]

✨ Weekly Tag Wednesday ✨

Got tagged by my beloveds, @deedala and @metalheadmickey to complete these two tag games, thank you and hair ruffles to both of you 🥰💙

Name: Lyds

Where in the world are you? Somewhere in Europe

Do you have a favorite towel? I have two sets of the same ones in different colors, I prefer the teal ones

Can you skip rocks? Not that I know

Tell me about a weird slang term from your area: We have very creative curse words in my native language and use "dick" instead of fuck for most things, like "what the dick is going on", "that's dicked up" and so on. We also send people into genitals as curse phrases, my favorite being "go into your mother's cunt" or even better, "go into three mothers' cunts", and all of this is a socially acceptable way of speaking from puberty onward

Favorite toast topping: I'm a savory type of gal and usually butter it and make it into a ham and cheese sandwich, or put pâté on it and some fancy cheese

Thoughts on bread pudding: I don't believe I've ever tried it, but I'm down for pretty much anything when it comes to food

City or country living? Somewhere in the middle, I live in a town with a 15 min walk to the center and am happy with that

How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? Put on a comfort show or funny clips on youtube

Are you a pessimist or an optimist? I'm one of those annoying bitches that considers herself a realist. It's hard to tell due to my tendency to catastrophize things because of anxiety, though I generally know in my bones that things will work out

Can I tag you in random stuff? Anyone can tag me in anything that makes them think of me, I know my activity fluctuates but I love getting tagged by all of you 💖

----

🔤 Name: Lyds

🎶 Last song you listened to: My Love Mine All Mine by Mitski

🎵 Artist on Spotify giving you the feels right now: Still in my Hozier feels

👯‍♂️ Fave Blorbo Moment: "I definitely love one", euphoria galore 💙

🍟 Your guilty pleasure snack: Potato chips, I'm a whore for a pack of Lays

🌮 What food are you craving today: More of my mom's chocolate raspberry pie

📖 Last fanfic tab you opened: The Menagerie by @crossmydna, haven't dug into the last chapter yet but will never shut up about how much I adore and recommend this masterpiece of a fic. I haven't read any Kinktober things yet, but plan to correct that soon

🖌️ Favorite fic project you've created: My one and only competed fic so far, Everything

👩🏼‍🎤 Next tattoo you want (or would consider if you're not a tattoo person): I've never been brave enough to get a permanent tattoo, but I've been feeling zodiac constellations with your zodiac flower instead of stars lately, which would be a formation of (blue) lilies in my case. Definitely in the flowers, pixie/fairy and celestial art camp

🧐🆓 What's living in your head rent free this week: Same as the last four weeks, Our Flag Means Death, with a dash of Con O'Neill side obsession. My love of season 2 continues to consume every part of my brain and I fight the urge to rewatch it all (yet again) on a daily basis, it was glorious and gave me everything 💖

Tagging @look-i-love-u, @vintagelacerosette, @sickness-health-all-that-shit, @gallawitchxx, @rereadanon, @sleepyfacetoughguy, @deathclassic, @thisdivorce, @crossmydna, @heymrspatel, @stocious, @lupeloto, @scurvgirl, @tanktopgallavich, @howlinchickhowl, @squidyyy23 in case you haven't done and would like to do either or both of these, as well as anyone who sees this and would like to play! ✨

[lilliths-httyd-blog]

Hi I have an odd question I’ve recently decided to get back into my old personal Viggo lives comic: “Beyond the Horizon” after seeing/reading other’s rtte art, theories, fics, and head canons on it (tbh your VLAU fic was definitely the kicker that made me want to get back into my comic) but I don’t want to seem like I’m copying or stealing ideas so I was wondering if you had any alternate names for Viggo’s Skrill (also some writing tips would be very helpful since I’m very rusty ;-;)

i mean

this is how i named viggo's skrill to begin with. just a random fucking chapter of a fic i started in early 2022 and abandoned until recently. i justified my choice of name because this bitch from black butler is also called beast and i think she's hot

in VLAU that story viggo referenced liking as a child about the boy with the magic eye was a reference to black butler i shit you not. i don't even like black butler anymore i haven't watched it in years and don't plan on watching it again any time soon.

i find using the Wings of Fire format of names really helps when naming dragons. lets look at the character names in WoF: Clay, Sunny, Starflight, Tsunami, Glory, Moonwatcher, Kinkajou, Deathbringer, Winter, Peril, Quibli and Turtle are some of the significant ones. go for something weather/sky/space themed for a skrill. just like that. combine weirder shit for the viking feel like hookfang or stormfly. but then you've also got like skullcrusher and cloudjumper so it's good. and then just words like barf, belch, toothless and grump so that works. steal the name Thunder from NR out of spite.

you can also search for old norse words that we're aware of and just find one that sounds like a name with a nice meaning if you want to be fancy and preppy.

another way i like to do it is steal species names from the httyd books like i'll just open up my copy of the incomplete book of dragons until i find something nice like... stickyworm? no... vorpent? no... toxic nightshade... NIGHTSHADE that would be a good name for a skrill you can use that if you want. doomfang seems like more of a dagur name than a viggo name but thats still a bangin skrill name.

and uhhh writing tips uhhhhh. i mean i don't got nothing tbh. be as self indulgent as you want. not everything has to live up to the standards of Scholars Mate and Choosing to Forget not everything has to be that good. my VLAU is genuinely just 17+(?) chapters of fluff and angst and vigcup being adorable and its just me projecting a bunch of my stupid little OOC headcanons onto my stupid little adhd blorbos. my other fics were either me being angsty, me listening a little too much to the httyd soundtrack, me just fucking daydreaming about random shit, or me going HAHAHAHAHAHA LETS MAKE VIGGO'S LIFE A LIVING HEL. i find inspiration from the most random shit. i took a bath once and when i hopped in my cold little toes burned like fire in the hot water and then i tried this coconut shampoo and now i have an entire WIP based on that one experience. there's no fancy thought or writing process behind it there's no "first drafts" (probably cuz i edit as i go lmao) there's no immaculate planning every little detail of the fic. it's just little magpie me going "oh shiny oh shiny oh shiny oh shiny" and then making a mosaic out of all the shitty pieces of glass i've found and somehow a couple people find the mosaic pretty so i am proud because i worked hard on it. and lemme tell you, writing self indulgent fanfiction where im not trying to please anyone except myself is so much fun like i've literally written about viggo being the twin's cousin and i literally made viggo a soft poetry boi and its just fun. i know some people aren't into that or aren't interested and thats fine they don t have to read it. write for yourself you don't even have to be good at it just do it who cares. thats the best advice i can give. just do whatever the fuck you fucking want

[memento-morri-writes]

Hi remembrance

For blorbsday, two of your blorbos are having a duel for Reasons™️. Who do they take with them and how does it go down? (Everything's fair game: weapons, rules, fantasy new jersey)

HI SLEEPY!!!! Happy Blorbsday!

(I giggled at Fantasy New Jersey, so thank you.)

Canonically I do have a couple of duels that actually happen in my WIPs. I'll talk about all of them.

In ATQH, Nina and Kris do actually duel, but it's just for fun and practice. Both of them are skilled swordspeople, so it's a fun challenge for both of them. By the end of the story, they're on pretty good terms, and it's a sweet moment, I think. (Plus, it's nice for Kristopher to finally fight someone who isn't secretly okay with killing him...) I don't think Fallon would actually be there for it in canon, but it would be cute to have her there watching the Blond(e) Sword Duo Showdown.

I also have post-canon plans for a showdown between Kris and a certain asshole named Sebastian, but idk if I'll ever do anything with it, other than daydream about it. (This duel was the reason I came up with a very detailed fictional poison...) Kris is all alone at the time that the duel happens, but the most important character who's there is Leo, my sweet baby of a guardsman who honestly is a little in awe of Kristopher, for several reasons. (He's Blackthorne's personal favorite, and everyone thinks he's going to end up as the next Captain. But my boy needs to work on his confidence!!)

In Political Fantasy WIP, Alora and <Prince> have a magic duel, which ends up having some pretty serious consequences. The reasons behind it have yet to be determined, but it's basically so they can both show off to each other, and to the court. They each have their closest friend in their corner. For <Prince>, that's Lila, the palace healer. For Alora, it's her personal guard Erin. (Lila tried to talk <Prince> out of this shit, but he's too stubborn to listen to reason. Especially when it comes to Alora.) It's not so much a direct "try to harm each other" duel, but more of a show of magical power. (Trying to overpower the other's magic, etc. without actually causing harm.)

Also, if Runaway Prince WIP stays the fantasy route (which I think it will), there will definitely be some kick-ass pirate duels in there.

I just LOVE duels so much, and I really need to write more of them. To be honest, the only reason I haven't written more of them is because I struggle writing action/fight scenes. But seriously, duels are the fucking best. (I might be biased, though, because I'm playing a swashbuckler in dnd right now, and my DM said I can have a narrative duel against my villain....) (Not to mention the fact that I challenged a dude to a duel and got back-to-back nat 20's against him...)

Also, if anyone wants to see some absolutely BOMB-ASS magic duels, you should totally read V.E. Schwab's Shades of Magic series. The duels aren't until book 3, iirc, but the whole series is AMAZING.

Thanks again for the ask, Sleepy!! <3

[ante--meridiem]

Can i have an introduction to your blorbos, cause id like to be able to follow along!

Oh, boy. (To be clear, I’m very happy that people want to hear about the blorbos, I’m saying “oh boy” because I’m very bad at giving clear and relevant summaries. But I can certainly try!)

I’m going to assume it’s the critical role blorbos you want to hear about? I have blorbos in the magnus archives (referred to on this blog as “the podcast” to avoid turning up in the main tag) and the silt verses (referred to as “the other podcast” for same reason) but the critical role ones are the ones I’ve been being unhinged about the most on this blog recently so we’re going to go with them.

Rest is under a read more because it’ll probably get long but also because, uh, I would provide specific content warnings but they’d probably end up just being the summary themselves, so we’ll just go with a general “Shit’s Fucked Up” and in terms of generally gesturing to how it’s fucked up, warning for uh murder, abuse/cult-style grooming, institutionalization, and a bunch of other stuff, much of it being done to and/or by teenagers.

OK if you’re still around and still wanna hear something fucked up, off we go.

So there’s three blorbos I’m invested in here, one (Caleb - sometimes referred to as “Bren” when talking about his younger self or potential alternate universe versions of him, because that was his original name which he changed for reasons that will become apparent later in this explanation) being a main character and the other two (Astrid and Eadwulf) showing up occasionally but mostly being relevant to his backstory. The three of them together are referred to as the blumentrio (or occasionally “blumendrei” due to the show deciding to use German as the fantasy language of their place of origin) due to them all coming from the same small town called Blumenthal. Despite what this seems like it’s leading up to they are not actually childhood best friends (not early childhood anyway) since they didn’t actually meet until they all went to magic school together in a much bigger city.

Anyway, they go to said school and get picked for an “advanced training program” which eventually means getting taken out of the school almost entirely to be personally instructed by a teacher (Trent Ikithon) at his home, and if that combined with the warnings I gave sets off all the red flags and alarm bells then good because it should.

So it eventually turns out the advanced lessons are actually intended to train them as specialised spies/assassins (the term used in canon is “volstrucker”/scourgers but the job description seems to be something between spies and assassins) and the actual training consists of harsh punishments, being experimented on, being brainwashed with military rhetoric, and being asked to torture the people their teacher wants tortured. Listen, I warned you shit’s fucked up, ok? The “experimented on” part, specifically, consists of surgical insertion of magic crystals called residuum that basically function as performance enhancement drugs, which isn’t relevant to the rest of my explanation but does at some point become relevant to the plot of the main story.

At some point during all this the three students/blorbos in question end up in a poly relationship with each other, though given Circumstances it’s not clear to what extent that’s an actual formal relationship with clearly negotiated boundaries and to what extent it’s “teens under intense stress take comfort and solidarity from whoever is around to offer it and if that manifests in ambiguously romantic form so be it”.

All this culminates when their teacher wants the students to prove their loyalty before they graduate and so stages a conversation in which the students’ parents are all in on a treason plot, and asks the students to assassinate them (it’s actually unclear to me if he actually tells them to, or just expects them to know of their own accord that they’re supposed to?). Astrid and Eadwulf go through with it without major hiccups. Caleb, then known as Bren, who has an affinity for fire, decides to do it from afar by setting his house on fire, but as soon as it hits him what he’s done he’s immediately horrified, has a mental breakdown about it, and gets sent to an asylum for 11 years. The events between point a and point b here are also unclear because within the show this is being told by an older Caleb who is naturally fuzzy on the details here, but spoilers a tie-in comic that tell things in more detail and which I have but haven’t read yet suggest that apparently Astrid and Eadwulf just abandoned him there while he was breaking down and let him be found by someone else, which is what I’ve been yelling “what the fuck do you mean they left him there” about into the void since I read said spoiler, because holy shit.

Anyway. Eleven years later he’s escaped and on the run, changes his name to Caleb so people won’t find him, has a spell cast onto him that erases the fake memories of his parents that his teacher planted and is looking desperately for a way to go back and undo (waves hands at All That Shit Above), and by “a way” I probably mean time travel? He’s also trying to reteach himself magic because a lot of his former knowledge got lost to, again, All That Shit, which is kind of the point I latched onto the character for in terms of relatability because while I can’t relate to any of That Shit I can very strongly relate to “having to painstakingly reteach myself things I should have learned in school except my brain shut down on me”.

Also he has a cat called Frumpkin now, which is actually technically a magical creature but takes the shape and behaviour of a cat. This isn’t at all important to understanding the plot, I just wanted to mention it because cats are wonderful beings that deserve to be mentioned at every possible opportunity.

During this time, the other two blorbos have been stuck in basically the same situation we last saw them in; they’ve graduated now but are still under the thumb of their former teacher, though significantly more disillusioned about it than they were as teenagers. They appear in the story to have tense can-we-trust-each-other-now standoffs with Caleb. Astrid, who was always the most ambitious of them, intends to take over her former teacher’s position (possibly by killing him) and use it to change the system from within. 

Adult Astrid also happens to exist at the intersection of “very hot women who could and likely would kill me”, “characters who had the same traumatic past as a protagonist, but due to still being stuck in a system that requires them to be evil, never get the same sympathy for it”, and “characters with single-minded determination for a goal that’s reinforced by sunk cost fallacy and not wanting all the awful things they’ve done to be for nothing”, all of which are tropes that will instantly win a character my love, so needless to say I may have just the tiniest bit of a crush. Do I believe she can make the system not evil by taking power? No. Am I rooting for her anyway? Fuck yes, she’s earned it*.

*Obvious disclaimer that this is not how I think earning works in real life but Astrid is a fictional character and seeing her come out on top would make me happy for her.