#fucking hate how i used 2 draw dave man

[methvapes]

dave

[theywhowriteandknowthings]

The Princess and The Duke Chapter 2 More than meets the Eye Stepdad!Dave York x Cam Worker!Reader

This blog is a 18+ space, Minors, do not engage. If you are under the age of 18 you are not welcome here. Please heed these warnings and the warnings put in place on each individual fic and chapter. Your reading and consumption of my work is your responsibility but I will endeavour to mitigate any discomfort for you, the reader, as possible. Once again, this is a 18+ space and minors should not interact.  Specific Warnings: None, still pretty tame, some sexual tension, Dave getting angry, angst from both, mutual pining, reader is such a brat.

Graphics made by me - Images used for effect, they are not intended to race-code or gender-code reader. Thank you again to @patti7dc and @lucyeyelesbarrow for beta-ing! Read on AO3

<- Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter ->

Your mom arrived home at the same time as you, her makeup a mess and her clothes dishevelled. Panic rose in your throat as you hurried over to her cherry-red Escalade. You had called out to Dave for help, only for his terrified look to drop into something you could only call an acceptance of inevitability.

He helped you get your mom into bed with minimal effort and now you’re sat, fingers drumming angrily on the breakfast island as you chew through your cold burger and fries. You can hear your mom and Dave bickering upstairs as Dave’s double cheeseburger with extra bacon sits in its foil across from you.

You can’t explain it, the heat rising in your chest as you listen to your mom scold Dave like he was the one to traipse back into the house looking like he’d fucked half the neighbourhood. For sure, good on your mom for having a great time, but not at the expense of someone so fucking undeserving as Dave.

I’ve known this man less than forty-eight hours and already I want to protect him like a kicked puppy.

You scold yourself internally as you put Dave’s untouched burger and fries in the fridge, if he doesn’t eat it, you will devour it later. You dump your wrappers in the trash and head up to your new room. Your head is spinning, the fucked-up scenes of your mom coming home smelling of cheap cologne and another man’s sweat and Dave just accepting it playing over and over. It makes you angry in a way you can’t place.

You’re pacing as you draw a bath, your angst playlist raging through your Bluetooth speaker as you try to sift through the jet lag, anger, and for some reason, shame. You’re not even sure why you’re so angry. Is it because your mom didn’t text you? Even after you texted her? Or is it because she’s clearly cheating on Dave and that he knows.

You pull up local events on your phone, looking for something, anything going on tonight so you could make an excuse to be out of the house. You’re angry at them both. Your mom for cheating on what you could only ever describe as a fine ass man.

And then there’s Dave.

You’re furious at him for being so self-assured and interesting around you, only to roll over and let your mom verbally abuse him the moment she graced his home – their home – with her disgraceful state. You’re too angry to rationalise or even justify the feelings coiling and writhing in your chest. You’ve known Dave properly for less than two days, but fuck, you’re livid.

You’ve often hated ex-boyfriends and flings of your mom’s and for good reason. Darren was an alcoholic, even rivalling your mom’s drinking. Jason was a bland man with no discernible positive qualities, but from the noises that came from your mom and his bedroom at that one lake-house vacation, you could tell he could fuck. And then there’s Dave.

Handsome, funny, smart, capable. And this is how she treats him?

You feel like you’re losing it, you’re twisting yourself into knots over a marriage that has existed for just over a year. Over a man you barely know, and a mother you know all too well to be surprised at. You hear the gurgle of the bath’s overflow and catch it just before it spills over.

You turn off the faucet just in time and sigh as you slump down onto your knees. You rest your head against the tub as you mash out an angry text to your dad.

You: wtf is wrong with mom?

Your message is seen almost immediately before three dots appear in a ripple as he texts back.

Dad: Warum? Was ist los?

You: Vater, Englisch.

You type back, already smiling through your foul mood as your dad messes with you. You’re more or less fluent verbally but you always struggle to read and write it, and he knows it.

Dad: Ok, what’s going on?

You: She’s cheating on her new husband already, what the fuck?!

The dance of three dots plays out for some time, then disappear and leave you hanging. You press the heel of your palms into your eyes before you pull them away to up the volume on your speaker through your phone.

You hear your mom shouting at you from outside the door to turn the music down and suddenly you’re fifteen again, you feel small and pathetic as you turn the volume down a little and slide into the bath with a sigh. You flick through local events and see there’s a blues night at a local club and make a note of it before a message from an unknown number pops up in your notifications.

Unknown: Hey, can we talk? It’s Dave.

You consider telling him to go fuck himself, or simply responding with a curt no. But you refrain from answering, dropping your phone onto the bathmat before submerging yourself under the hot, lavender-scented bath water. Your fingers slide over your skin as you decide an orgasm would make you feel better. It does, but morbidly, only because your mind is still full of thoughts of Dave.

~*~

The jazz club is packed as you try and find somewhere to sit, your overpriced beer in one hand, your phone in the other. You navigate groups of people of all ages as you appreciate the exposed brickwork and hardwood flooring of the establishment. You adjust your tight black leather trousers as you sit down, your crimson, strapless bustier a little slutty for the occasion but you don’t care. With any luck you’re going to get laid tonight.

Anything beats going home.

You’re off towards the side of the stage, the view less than optimal but that doesn’t really matter as you’re not really here for the show. You just needed to get out of that fucking house. You’d taken a painfully expensive Uber to get here, and you were going to make the most of it.

You scroll through your phone as you hear the musicians tuning up back-stage. Your father still hasn’t texted you back, and Dave has left a string of messages but you’re leaving him on read. You’d snuck out of the house earlier without either of them seeing.

Dave: Please, your mother is worried about you, she’s sorry she forgot your flight was yesterday.

Dave: Can you at least text her to let her know where you are?

Dave: Get home safe.

The last message pulls at your chest as you re-read the messages. You sigh and wiggle your thumbs over the keyboard, trying to decide if you want to answer him or not, but before you can make that decision the band comes on stage.

“Thank you all for coming out here tonight, we’re the Bluez Brotherz and we’ve got some killer tunes for you tonight. Enjoy!”

You look up from your phone and your mouth drops open in bemusement. True to their name, all four men are wearing dark suits, black ties, sunglasses and black fedoras. Just like in the film. But that’s not what shocks you, you’d seen their band name on the event page.

No, what has you reeling is the saxophone player. It’s Dave.

You pull up your camera and take photos, you need evidence of this to lord over Dave at a later date, when you hope you can stop being angry at him. The band starts with a cover of Gimme Shelter by The Rolling Stones, and you can’t help but like them already.

You sip on your beer as you occasionally take some more photos of Dave on the sly. But for the most part, you just listen to the music, and study Dave from your seat. They reach the middle of their set and take a break for refreshments. Dave sets down his silver saxophone on a stand and hops off the stage. You watch as women fawn over him as he makes his way to the bar, you can hardly blame them, you were only touching yourself in the bath to thoughts of him this morning.

You decide to make your move as he reaches the bar, you need another drink anyway. You saunter up to him, low heels clicking on the hardwood floors, a plan formulating already as you practice a few voice training exercises to get your throat warmed up.

~*~

Dave orders for the whole band as they schmooze with some of the event attendees. He isn’t built for small talk and fending off women. So, as always, he volunteered to get the intermission drinks.

“Hey there handsome, you look good with a saxophone between your lips, seems like you’re pretty good with your mouth huh?”

The all too familiar voice makes Dave flinch visibly as he recognises Princess Luna’s voice. He turns slowly, and his stomach drops as he sees who’s voice it actually is. You.

“Chill the fuck out Dave, I’m just messing with you.”

Your affected voice is gone and Dave freezes for a moment, unsure if he was imagining Princess Luna’s voice when he heard you speak, or if you really did affect your voice to disguise it. He’s not sure which thought is more troubling.

But one thing is for certain, he is glad to see you. Your mother hadn’t so much as talked about you all day, his texts were a lie. It was him who was worried about you, she seemingly couldn’t care less. That troubled Dave, and he wondered if his daughters would be so estranged from him some day if he didn’t make amends with them.

~*~

“Dave?”

Your voice snaps him out of his spiral and he gives you a stern look. It makes you thrum with arousal, the way his brow creases, his jaw set in a hard line as he purses his lips. His hand flexes into a fist on the bar as his nostrils flare.

“Sorry I just didn’t expect you to be here.” He mutters as his drinks are placed on the bar.

“Right back at you,” You grumble, annoyed you didn’t get the response you were hoping for, even a hint of a laugh would have been enough, but clearly, you’ve hit a nerve, “I can leave if this makes you uncomfortable?”

Daves eyes go wide as he wraps his fingers around the bottle necks, condensation beading over his skin and you try not to stare. His face softens and he lets out a deep, emotive sigh as he turns to face you fully.

“Fuck, no. Sorry it’s just been a long day, could we sit down and talk after this? Get something to eat?”

His flustered response has your heart beating hard in your chest and you try not to whine at the smell of his cologne and the way sweat beads on his temple from the exertion of playing with such passion you can barely believe it’s him up there playing the sax.

“Sounds good, I was just going to eat your left-over burger and fries when I got home, so this is a step up.”

Dave’s lips curl up into an incredulous smile as he looks you up and down with a quick flick of his dark eyes. You’re glad you’d dressed up a little, instead of turning up in an old boyfriend’s hoodie and jeans like you’d initially planned.

“Alright, meet me backstage after the show.”

“Yes, sir!” You give him a mock salute and you clock the way Dave’s pupils dilate at the word sir. Yet another piece of information to file away in your mental David York Dossier. You swear he grumbles something under his breath as you turn back to order a drink.

“Hey Francis, this one’s on my tab.” He points at you with his thumb as the bartender reaches you.

“You got it Dave, what can I get for you?”

The man behind the bar is slight, a cropped beard accenting his strong jaw as his ice blue eyes are somehow penetrating yet warm at the same time.

“Just a beer, not about to take advantage of my-,” You pause, almost calling him your stepdad but you stop yourself, it still feels wrong to think about him that way, “My mom’s husband.”

“Uh-huh, good on you, one beer coming up.”

~*~

You watch the rest of the show from the bar, perched on a stool in full view of the stage. Dave plays like his life depends on it, revealing to you a side of him you never could have expected. He’s passionate and full of vigour and it does nothing but stoke the fire in your belly as you watch him lose himself to the music.

As their final set finishes, you’re clapping along like a seal on Adderall. The music was beautiful but the soul and passion the whole band had for it all made your heart swell with happiness. You almost forget you’re mad at Dave.

“So, what did you think?” Dave asks as you hover around the stage as the band packs up. You offered to help but it became painfully obvious that they were a well-oiled machine, you’d probably only interfere.

“It was great, I’ve always loved rhythm and blues, and your Stones covers were magnificent.” You gush, genuinely in awe at it all.

“Yeah? Your mom hates the stuff, so I wouldn’t have expected it to be your thing.”

“One thing you’re going to come to realise Dave, is that my mom and I are very different people.”

“Yeah, seems that way.”

He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, tension rolling off him as he takes a deep breath. The anger from before bubbles up again and you shake your head in disbelief. This ridiculous submission to your mother’s behaviour sours the idea of spending any more time with Dave.

“Actually David, do you know what? I’m going to head home, I’m not in the mood to talk to you right now.”

Dave’s eyes snap open and there’s a darkness there, it’s cold and menacing as you take an instinctive step back. Your skin pebbles with goosebumps as you take another step. Dave moves as if to touch your arm as his face softens instantly, but you’re not having it.

“I’m getting an Uber home, don’t fucking follow me.”

Dave calls your name as you storm out, you catch Francis out of the corner of your eye, standing at the bar, looking at you with a bemused grin. You flip him off without looking in his direction. Dave calls your name again, louder this time. But you lose him in the throng of people outside. You duck down an alley and hide behind a dumpster.

Your heart is hammering in your chest as you scold yourself for acting like a fucking child.

“You’re turning thirty fucking years old next month, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

~*~

Dave is livid, scanning the sea of people outside the club, desperately tyring to pick you out. You have no right to speak to him like that. No-one speaks to him like that.

“Fucking brat.”

He hisses under his breath as he pulls out his phone to call you, it’s late, you’ve had a few beers, and despite being mad at you, he’s worried. Ever since he picked you up there’s been a burning desire to protect you seated deep in his chest. And he’s blown it already.

“She’s not going to go home with you man,” Francis’s voice makes Dave jump, and immediately he reaches for his gun. Or rather, where his gun would be if he was carrying, “Let her go.”

“Francis, if I wanted you advice I’d fucking ask for it.” Dave snarls as he tries to play off his panicked grab for the phantom chest holster as adjusting his suit jacket. Francis just leans against the brick wall of the club, taking a long, pointed draw on his vape pen. A cloud of strawberry flavoured vapour billowing over Dave as he wrinkles his nose up at the stench.

“How long has she been staying with you?”

“What?” Dave asks, blinking a few times in shock at the question.

“Simple question man, how long?”

“Since yesterday.”

Francis’s eyebrows raise at that and a smirk twitches across his lips.

“Uh-huh, and you and her mom,” Francis says with venom lacing his tone as he mentions her, “Been together what? A year?”

“Get to the fucking point Francis.” Dave snaps as he resumes his search for you in the thinning crowd but with no luck. He’s furious at himself, this is literally his job, finding people, and yet you’re eluding him like it’s nothing.

“How is it that I’ve never met her mom, and on the first damned night your stepdaughter is in town, she just waltzes in and can’t take her eyes off you?”

“Fucking hell Francis, she didn’t even know I played until she saw me on stage.” Dave’s the one getting angry now, he and Francis have been friends for a very long time, but he doesn’t appreciate the insinuation. He also doesn’t appreciate how his chest constricts at the thought of you unable to take your eyes off him.

“Sure, but the universe works in mysterious ways Dave, watch yourself around her.”

“Francis, if you don’t shut the-!”

“There she is, getting into that Uber.” Francis points with his vape pen towards you scrambling out of an alley and into your cab. Dave glares at you, then at Francis before storming off wordlessly, saxophone case gripped tightly in his hand.

As he gets to his car he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He opens the message without hesitation, but it only makes his blood boil.

You: Don’t even bother trying to talk to me when you get home.

It takes every last shred of self-control for Dave not to throw his saxophone case against the floor in frustration. He takes a steadying breath before loading up his car and driving home.

~*~

You arrive home much later than Dave, your Uber driver definitely fucking you over to make a better rate but you’re too tired and frustrated to care. You barge through the front door, not caring who sees you. Then you hear it, your mom’s voice calling your name from the kitchen and you sigh.

“Hey mom, what’s up?”

“Come in here, have a drink with me.” She’s slurring and you roll your eyes as you do as you’re told, kicking off your shoes before heading into the sad beige kitchen.

“What’re you drinking?”

You ask as you take in your mother, perched in the same stool as Dave was this morning. Her wine glass full with some kind of rosé and you gag internally.

“Wine, you want some?” She waves the almost empty bottle enthusiastically and you roll your eyes, heading to the fridge.

“Nah I’ll get a beer or something.” You call over your shoulder as you immediately look for the burger and fries you stashed away earlier, ready to dump it all into the air fryer to freshen it up. But it’s gone, you grumble to yourself as you grab some European import lager and shut the fridge.

You sit in the same seat as this morning and watch as your mom scrolls through Instagram with one hand as she slurps on her wine with the other. You tap out a rhythm on the counter with your fingertips.

“So, did you want to chat or?”

“Hmmm?” Your mom asks without even looking up. You roll your eyes and decide to change tactics.

“Dave home yet?”

“Grumpy bastard’s sulking in his man cave, seems like his evening was a bummer.” She actually fucking laughs. Your blood boils as you shake your head, you feel like you should apologise, especially now. You were taking your frustrations out on the wrong person, even if you are still mad at Dave, he clearly was having the worst night of you all.

“At least he’s got a burger to cheer him up.” You grumble to yourself as you look down the hall, you can see the basement door is open. You wonder if you should go down there to say you’re sorry.

“Oh that crap? I threw it out, you know I don’t like that garbage in the house.”

“Alright, well, this was nice.” You sigh as you head back to the fridge, downing your beer before getting two fresh ones.

“Night hon.” You mom calls after you absently as you hear the glug of wine as she refills her glass.

“Night mom.”

You could almost laugh at the ridiculous nature of the evening if you weren’t feeling so damned furious at the whole fucked up situation.

“Hey, Dave, you down there?”

You call down the stairwell, not wanting to disturb him if he was busy, or wanted to be left alone. You hear your name called from within and the way Dave says it with such hope has you biting your lip.

“Come on down, if you want?”

You don’t answer, instead just heading down without a word, beer bottles in hand as you peer into the so-called “man cave”. In reality it’s a pretty modest space, dark red carpet, mahogany panelled walls.

Dave is sprawled out on an L-shaped sofa in the middle of the room, his suit and fedora replaced by a tired looking green USMC t-shirt and grey sweatpants. His feet are bare, propped up on a glass coffee table as some sci-fi show plays on the tv. The domesticity of the scene makes you smile.  

“I come baring a peace offering.” You say as you hold up the beers in your hand, hovering near the end of the sofa as Dave pauses the show.

“With my own beer?” He teases as you sit down next to him, his face set in a teasing smirk as you hand him one of the bottles.

“I’ve lived here less than two days Dave, I’ve not had a chance to do groceries, so take what you’re given.”

“You’re something else.” Dave huffs before you clink bottles in a casual toast.

“Yeah, you’re not the first man to tell me that.” You say with a soft, humourless chuckle. Dave doesn’t press, but you notice the furrow in his brow as he registers your tone.

“Look, I’m sorry, I know this can’t be easy, with me and your mom, and our,” He pauses, waving his free hand in the air as he tries to find the right words, “Situation.”

“Nah, I’ve been a moody bitch since I landed, I over-reacted, and I don’t have any right to be mad, or pass judgement here.”

“You’re not a bitch, but I appreciate it, thanks.”

There’s a pause in the conversation as you both sip pensively on your drinks. It’s not uncomfortable or weird, just a natural lapse in the conversation.

“So, the blues band?” You say with a raised eyebrow, your lips set in a mischievous grin.

“Yeah,” Dave rolls his eyes before taking a long swig of his drink, you have to stop yourself watching the way his neck muscles ripple as he swallows, “What’d you think? Honestly?”

“Honestly?” You waggle your eyebrows at him, “It was very Duke Silver of you, very cool.”

Dave frowns, confusion apparent on his face as you realise he has no clue who that is.

“Oh shit, you’ve never watched Parks and Rec?” You exclaim as you reach for the remote on the coffee table.

“Afraid not.” Dave smiles at your enthusiasm, letting you flick onto YouTube on his smart TV without protest.

“Ok so, don’t bother with the first season, unless you’re some kind of completionist,” You ramble on as you bring up a clip of Nick Offerman playing the sax as Duke Silver, “But it’s great, really witty and fun, and a great way to pass the time, could probably use it to stave off the boredom on your business trips.”

You don’t notice it, but Dave flinches at the mention of his job. He wipes away the grimace before you’re done speaking, plastering a fake smile on his lips as he looks to the screen. His eyes light up as the clip starts. You scoot a little closer to him, eager to see his reaction.

“Hey, that’s Nick Offerman, from The Last of Us!” He points excitedly at the screen as you sit back, watching his reaction to the clip.

“That’s based on a game right?”

“You’ve not seen it? Damn, it’s good!” Dave responds with a shake of his head as he watches the performance.

“I’ll watch it if you promise to watch Parks and Rec?”

“Deal.”

“Oh and I’m ordering pizza, seeing as mom threw out a perfectly good midnight snack, you want anything?”

“If you’re buying?” Dave grins at you before looking back to the Duke Silver compilation, “Damn, that man can actually play the sax!”

“Oh you’re going to love his character in this, I just know it.”

You spend the rest of the night watching the first few episodes of the second season of Parks and Rec, drinking beer, and eating pizza. You catch Dave up on the plot of the first season and he seems to be content with that, already hooked from the first episode.

Dave’s laugh is infectious, and you can’t help but lean in a little as the night goes on.

~*~

Eventually you fall asleep, and Dave keeps watching, turning the volume down as to not disturb you. By the time he’s ready to go to bed it’s gone three in the morning. He covers you with a throw blanket and clears up the beer bottles and pizza boxes before hauling your passed-out mother, still hunched over the breakfast island, to bed.

He descends the stairs to the basement and as expected, you’re still out like a light, snoring gently on the sofa. He pauses for a brief moment, watching your sleeping form for too long to be considered appropriate, but he doesn’t care, not tonight. He flicks the light off and pads into his office, leaving the door ajar just enough so that if you need him, he would hear you.

Dave climbs into bed and smiles to himself. He can’t remember the last time he felt so at peace, nor had such a good night in. He drifts off to the memory of your laughter and the way you fell asleep against him.

He definitely didn’t wrap his arm around you over the back of the sofa at some point during the night, and he certainly did not let you fall asleep against his chest. No, that would have been wrong. So very wrong.

Even if it did feel so right.

<- Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter ->

Tag list: @pr0ximamidnight @ktheunready @harriedandharassed @survivingandenduring @wannab-urs @neverwheremoonchild @noisynightmarepoetry @casa-boiardi @xoxabs88xox @guelyury @its-nebuleuse @deadly-femme-bimbo @covetyou @christinamadsen @mirandablue1 @clawdee @youandmeand5bucks-blog @hiddenbabynyc @stevie75 @star017 @vabeachazn @darkheartgatita @patti7dc @pastelnap @beskarandblasters @jksprincess10 @beefrobeefcal

Join my taglist here

Please consider checking out my ko-fi or patreon if you want to support me!

[davekat-sucks]

homestuck fandom amazes me let’s see what is on the list for today

-toxic people telling you to die for not liking a ship

-calling you lesbphobic for shipping rose with a male even tho it was never said she was a canon lesbian

-getting mad at you when you ship a female character who is canon sexist with a male without knowing that not every sexist woman is toxic to men and don’t always suffer trauma from a man

-think rape and abuse jokes are funny

-call you sensitive over a “joke”

-tries to tell you how romanticizing/normalizing pedophilia incest and abusive relationships are okay because “love is love and we shouldn’t judge who people want to date”

-see nothing wrong with vriska being an abuser because “women are all so sweet cute and innocent”

-see nothing wrong with dave abusing karkat in homestuck2 because “lgbtqia+ people aren’t bad they’re all nice people it’s only the straight and cisgender people that are bad and evil”

am I missing anything else? feel free to add on

Nu-fans forgive Eridan Ampora because of the dumb gender arc, despite people had hated him for being racist and wanting quadrants filled. 2. Would even go after another trans who disagree about June Egbert. 3. Backpedals on Meenah being black coded, since in a timeline that she would become The Condesce, the main villain, they get scared that it would imply black people are evil and racist. Same applies to fanart of human Eridan is mostly drawn to be white by fans. They never make him a darker shade because of his character. 4. One could even say they subconsciously enforce racial stereotypes for some in the guise of progressiveness. Ex: Kanaya Maryam being headcanon Muslim. 5. Nu-fans try to justify on Rose's infidelity and that it was okay for Kanaya to be cheated on. Be it claiming it's still a healthy poly relationship that Kanaya "consented" them having their secret child for 15 years or since Space Player destined to be alone, this is her arc for independency away from Rose. They are ignoring the fact that most people in WhatPumpkin actually hate Rosemary. 6. Cherry pick certain facts from book commentaries that Andrew Hussie made. They would be fine to accept that Davekat was "planned" all along and that Eridan Ampora was the proto-Caliborn, but ignore about Doomed Dave and Doomed Rose having fucked each other. 7. Nu-fans disliking people for drawing the characters as they are and not the popular fanon interpretation. There is a lot more, but I definitely want to see people in the replies or reblogs about other messed up stuff that happens in Homestuck fandom. It's okay to point out the hypocrisy or flaws within the series and fandom. Though I would disagree about Homestuck fans thinking incest and pedophilia ships are okay. I mean, they used to be fine with all ships because it is fictional, but now? They hate it so much that they have to equate it with reality. If anything, I would say creeps and groomers could be around for Homestuck fandom. I remember it happened to Vast Error, but that's a different mess in itself.

[olivinesea]

In the Golden Dark, pt. 3

Part 1, Part 2

a/n: I believe this is called a slow burn. Sorry to keep you waiting, it wasn’t intentional. I just keep getting pulled in to all the details and the thing grows. It’ll wrap up in the part after this one. Enjoy :) ~2.5k

i thought i’d ride all the same roads and skies for mercy’s sake, would you look at your life

No matter how drawn out, how difficult a case was, there was a routine to their return flights. Everyone boarded and retreated to their favorite place. Especially if the case ended poorly, people needed time to themselves to decompress. The jet wasn’t all that large but it had enough seats for them to spread out if they needed to. Creatures of habit, they often ended up picking the same spots each time, drawing peace from the standard arrangement. This trip however Morgan managed to sprain his ankle while chasing the unsub and Reid graciously gave him the couch where he would normally curl up so Morgan could elevate and ice his ankle. As an alternative he picked a seat next to the window and jumped when Hotch appeared next to him. They exchanged a quick look, Hotch silently checking that it was okay for him to take the neighboring seat. It was a new behavior, he never would have given sitting next to Spencer a second thought before. But now, there were too many exposed edges, too much risk of rogue electric currents to simply slip down beside each other like they might have in the past.

Spencer looked at him, eyes glazed with exhaustion. Confused, he didn’t recognize that Hotch’s hesitation was due to a question of his comfort. When it clicked he nodded quickly, waving his hand in manner that was meant to be an invitation but was a little too abrupt not to appear frantic. He hated how clearly his nerves showed sometimes and made an effort not to fidget as Hotch settled beside him. He tried to study Hotch’s face from the corner of his eye, jealous of the way he was always able to remain so impassive. He knew this wasn’t just a lack of feeling but rather a controlled effort, something that he put on each day same as his suits and gun holsters. Right now he was wishing he could read the other man’s thoughts. Hotch noticed him watching and quirked up the corner of his mouth in a small smile. Perplexed, Spencer sat back into the seat, wanting to pull his long legs up to his chest but there simply wasn’t the room for it. Instead he hugged his arms around his torso, letting the soft pressure try to calm his racing heart. He’d been on edge since that afternoon. Since he’d slipped.

*

The first time he had used the name Aaron it had felt strange, like a stone rolling around in his mouth. It had started not long after their late night calls had become a regular thing. He could tell it was something consequential but he couldn’t completely comprehend the dimensions of it. He was shy to call the other man by his first name. But Aaron had encouraged it, finding he enjoyed hearing this different shading of his name.

Too often in his life he’d heard that name inflected with anger, with disgust. He’d learned to hate it, to pull his shields in tighter whenever someone used it. Haley had made a difference, infusing his name with the love he had deserved and been denied. Over many years of careful diligence she had managed to loosen the strangled way his mind had tied his name to his failures, his ever present self-loathing. Now with her gone he’d had no problem rejoining the two. He’d never blame her but their parting words, the anger she’d been too fed up to hide had poured into her voice, into that which she’d worked so hard to rehabilitate. The last time he’d heard her say his name he knew he’d lost her and that it had been his own fault.

Since then he’d been only Hotch. He liked it that way. Hotch was strong and capable and didn’t let people down. Occasionally Dave would call him Aaron and he would press his mouth together and accept whatever advice he was about to receive. He didn’t particularly enjoy it but it was a good indicator of Dave’s state of mind so he let that be the relevant information and ignored the feelings it caused to swirl around, a vortex threatening to pull him under.

But when Spencer said it, at first with hesitation but increasingly more confidence, he felt an entirely new emotion. The syllables ran along the same nerve endings that lit up his spine and constricted his lungs whenever he looked at Spencer. It was a feeling that only grew as they became closer, as more of the barriers between them dissolved. When Spencer called him Aaron it sounded like hope.

Which was all well and good at midnight, on the phone or in the too bright lights of an empty diner. In that liminal world it was only natural for them to use softer words for one another. But they had continued to confine those developments to the spaces outside the office, outside the team. Neither would consider it a secret but it remained unspoken, perhaps because they were both too afraid of breaking the spell. They were careful to keep things as they had always been when they were in front of the others. Spencer remained Reid and Aaron was never anyone but Hotch.

Until earlier that afternoon, worn down by the action of the field, the adrenaline of the take down fading away, Reid had made a mistake. It had been small, likely no one had noticed, no one had even been paying attention when, needing the other man’s opinion on which file some forms belonged to, he had called to him.

“Hey, Aaron.”

He hadn’t realized what he’d done until he saw the line of Hotch’s shoulders become rigid beneath his suit jacket. Hotch stiffly turned away from Rossi and Morgan—they’d been reviewing the plan for getting everyone packed up and on the jet headed home as soon as possible. Without a word Hotch raised an eyebrow at Reid, who, mortified, had entirely forgotten what his question had been.

“Reid?” he prompted.

Spencer blinked quickly, looking at the papers in his hands. “Nevermind,” he muttered. When he glanced up again Hotch was still looking at him, his expression unreadable. It made Spencer nervous. Hotch turned and rejoined the conversation with the other two, settling an argument about who would drive who where before it became too heated. Spencer stayed quiet the rest of the time they were at the precinct. Stuck in his mind, he repeated the moment over and over, telling himself this was probably it. This was the moment where he broke things, the moment he showed he wasn’t able to handle himself the way he should. He became convinced that Hotch was mad at him, that he had somehow betrayed his confidence. He became convinced he would never be forgiven.

By the time he sat himself next to the window on the jet, staring out into the inky darkness, he was resigned to having lost. He expected, if he was brave enough to try, that the door they had opened between them would now be locked, that any calls would go unanswered. All because he had been a little careless, had inadvertently shared something they had wordlessly agreed was private. So he was startled when Hotch moved to sit next to him. With that small smile the man had all but short circuited the wires in Spencer’s brain. He didn’t know what to make of it, though history told him not to hope for too much. Everyone reached their limit with him, it was only a matter of time.

They were quiet through take off, as people settled into whatever distraction they could. Then, so quietly it barely crossed the threshold of his awareness, Hotch heard Spencer say something. “Hmm?”

“I’m sorry,” he said again, only a little louder, afraid that even this would be unwelcome.

He leaned back and studied Spencer’s defeated expression, the way he was avoiding eye contact. He should have noticed before, should have known how an instant could get replayed by that perfect memory, morphing into something far more than it needed to be. Hoping he wasn’t too late to counteract the powerful force of self-doubt, he said, “It’s okay, Spencer.”

Spencer might have needed more reassurance; after all, he’d spent the last few hours telling himself that he’d irreparably fucked things up. But the way his name sounded coming out of Aaron’s mouth was all the assurance he needed. He sighed, relief tingling warmly through his fingertips. The tension that had kept his breaths shallow, his mind locked in a tight spiral, finally drained away and the disparaging thoughts became the words he’d been given, repeating gently like the waves on a lake shore. It’s ok, Spencer, it’s ok.

The air between them now calm, Hotch returned to his work. Spencer tried to make himself comfortable, shifting until he’d wedged himself satisfyingly into the corner of the seat and the wall. He craved the security of having the solid world pressing against him. The couch was ideal for this, the seats less so, but he made it work. Idly he watched Hotch working on paperwork. He was mesmerized by his hands; how he scratched words onto the page, sometimes signing quickly, hand moving sharply like the readout of a heart monitor. Before long Spencer’s eyelids grew heavy and he didn’t resist as he was pulled in by sleep.

Hotch wasn’t sure what time it was, not bothered enough to pull out his phone to check. He knew it was late and he was fairly confident they were somewhere over Texas. He rubbed his eyes then flipped through the remaining forms. They were all standard documentation, things he could probably do in his sleep. Which was good since he wasn’t all that focused. Like Spencer, his mind kept returning to that moment earlier. He didn’t want Spencer to feel bad, that certainly wouldn’t be fair. But it had drawn his attention to an issue he had been avoiding.

What was between them had been going on for months now. It hadn’t crossed into anything physical, anything overt. But he was an intelligent person, he knew where this was going. He’d allowed himself the briefest of thoughts, imagining what it might be like to touch another person again. He wanted to find out. But that meant they needed to decide how they wanted to handle this. He knew he didn’t want to live a secret life. Spencer didn’t belong lumped in with everything else he kept hidden. That would likely only lead somewhere disastrous. No, if they were going to do it, he wanted to go at it full measure. That thought warmed his heart a little, color rising to his cheeks. However, a pleasant feeling didn’t change the complexities. What would it mean for the team, for their families? It was so much easier not to involve anyone else.

As Hotch wrestled with his thoughts, Spencer’s hands started to twitch. He let out a small whimper as his face twisted, something in his dreams frightening him. Without thinking, Hotch reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing softly as he made quiet calming noises. Spencer froze before relaxing, his face becoming slack as the dream passed and left him with only the white noise of deep sleep. Hotch rubbed his thumb across the back of Spencer’s hand, the skin pale and smooth. It looked so small in his own hand, delicate, fragile even. He looked up only to meet Rossi’s gaze, questioning him from an opposing corner. He felt the heat return to his face but he didn’t let go, only shrugged and returned to his paperwork. If he could do it in his sleep he could do it with one hand just as well he supposed. He’d made his choice and he intended to hold on to it.

*

Dave caught up to him as they walked through the parking garage.

“Hey,” he hissed, placing a hand on Hotch’s shoulder to slow him down.

Hotch stopped abruptly. Anyone who didn’t know him as well as Dave did wouldn’t have realized how the quick reflexes, the instant change in trajectory was only a cover. How it was all his awareness traveling quickly through his muscles to stop the revealing flinch, the instinct to draw into himself and become a smaller target. Immobility was the only way to prevent that reaction from getting out. He’d perfected it over the years, one of dozens of ways he hid in plain sight. Now it seemed more imposing than anything else, to suddenly have the full, none too pleased attention of a six foot plus giant.

Normally Dave wouldn’t have done that, startled him with a touch from outside his field of vision. But Dave had questions and he wasn’t entirely pleased with having to ask these questions. Hotch turned his head to watch Dave come around and block his path to the elevators.

“What the hell was that?”

“What was what?” Hotch asked icily. He was tired and he just wanted to be home, away from people, away from questions. There was so much interaction when they went into the field. Never a moment to himself to think, to reset. He always had to be on when they were working a case, and though he was able to do it, once it was over all he could think of was shutting out the world completely.

“You know what I’m talking about, Aaron.”

Hotch flinched at his name, not expecting it to be used as a weapon, not prepared to have that moment thrown in his face so soon. Dave looked at him expectantly.  

“I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you?” Dave was incredulous, trying to keep his volume down it came out sounding strangled.

Hotch glared at him for several seconds before relenting. He looked down at his feet, feeling fatigue pulling him into the ground.

“I do. Please, Dave.” He looked up and he was begging Rossi to understand, to see that this was something good, something special.

Rossi was skeptical but couldn’t deny he was moved by the look in Hotch’s eyes. He hadn’t looked so alive in a long time, like there was something he wanted, something he was willing to fight for. Eventually Rossi relented. Who was he to judge anyone for their choices in a partner?

“Don’t do anything stupid,” he said gruffly but it was all an act. Honestly he’d accept anything that made Aaron happy, anything that kept him with them a little longer. This wasn’t hurting anyone. If those two idiots wanted go down this road, it was none of his business. He’d done his due diligence and Hotch could make his own decisions. He hoped for everyone’s sake it was worth it.

~Part 4~

[bourbon-ontherocks]

(Previously, on GG (re)watch...)

And I thought that little happened in episodes 1 and 2... How naive of me! Behold, the embodiment of emptiness that is this episode...

Ugh, somebody holds my hair while I barf at these absolutely gross Beth x Dean flashbacks. I didn't ask for that. Nobody asked for young Death. Especially if it’s to lecture the audience about how they go way back and will overcome this. Together. Bleugh

"Kenny's in Kalamzoo at his tournament" SEE, I didn't pay attention to that line the first time I watched episodes 3 and 4. Spent two eps screaming at my screen "where's Kenny?? You can't just magically remove a character without AT LEAST adressing it!" Well, the pooping/doesn't care/random pretext to justify a Boland kid's absence saga continues, I see... Also. Kenny recast when?

I LOVE that Dean's first question after inquiring about the kids is whether Rio's involved or not. This man is OBSESSED with Rio. Even from jail his thoughts fly to him, little butterflies of hope in this cruel world...

WHY IS PHOEBE CONSTANTLY EATING????? No but seriously, why? Oh so it was THAT Dave that misogynist fed hooked up with last season?? I literally never connected those dots, lol...

That Boland Bubbles employee who doesn't have a neck is really distracting my attention from the scene...

Rio casually joking about the Boland's (absence of) sex life is the kind of sassiness I live for

I'm sorry but pools has nothing to do with luck. Rio's a lunatic.

Okay, so the pool table scene. With my shipper's googles on? Love it. BUT objectively? Beth is NOT into it. At all. It doesn't have the same flirty energy as any Brio scene from seasons 1 and 2. It could have been Fitzpatrick instead of Rio she'd have pulled the same face. I hate to say it but this scene has more to do with sexual harrassment than sexy banter.

That being said, Rio is an absolutely petty little bitch for having lured Beth into that bet which wasn't one and I'm into it.

Wait wait wait wait.... Dean has a SLEEP APNEA MACHINE?????? Have you ever seen one of these???? Oh boy, the Bolands will never have sex again....

So, um. I think that I'm generally cool with A LOT of problematic stuff. Like, I don't bat an eye at rape jokes. Wasn't so fussy about the homeless guy. But the whole "oh look, this gay dude who lives with his aunt has no life, he'll obviously enjoy PRISON, right?"????? I'm sorry but I have to draw a line at some point. Not okay.

God, why strip club owners always have to be creepy dudes in sweatpants and golden jewelry? If we're bound to have a new shady blackmailer, I have to say that I liked Mary-Pat better...

Why is this show so obsessed with fart and burp noises??? Is it written by 6-year-olds? Wait. That would explain A LOT.

Yes Beth, you ARE a monster. Too bad it doesn’t feel like this realization is going to open the door for processing some of your actions...

What's the point for these cops to run away with presumably fake money??? This plot resolution makes zero sense

Baby Dean in a costume gives me Jake Peralta vibes, lol. Also can we all agree that this backstory about Beth's parents situation is coming straight from a fanfiction?? I honestly don't think they had planned so far when they made the flashbacks in season 2, this is a literal re-use of popular headcanons. Damn, one of you around really is Bill Krebs...

Is this Dean finally seeing Eric for who he is a parallel with Rio and Beth? Are they going to hook up???? Cause Eric's CLEARLY into that

So this is a menial detail but I find hilarious that Ben's half-crumpet or whatever this pastry is just disappears. One minute you see him holding it, he doesn't take a new bite, and on the next broader frame his hands are empty. SORCERY!

"It all started about A YEAR AGO"???????? I just-- How-- No you know what? I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore. This show literally doesn't give a fuck about making sense. I give up.

Why does Beth wear those very uncomfortable-looking pumps to go for GROCERIES????? You see a lot of ladies looking like that in your grocery store's aisles? Cause I don't.

What is the problem with this show and tea drinkers, huh??? We aren't all murderous psychopaths, just so you know...

So I played drink up every time Beth Boland said "I have kids/I'm a mom" in this episode. It was a mistake.

This Fitzpatrick scene is fucking weird, like it's so oddly paced it doesn't land anywhere.

Kalamazoo or not, I find it super weird that Kenny didn't come back to visit his father in fucking PRISON... (I know that the actor was probably unavailable but the justification was lame af)

Um, excuse me, but the secret services were supposed to SEARCH Boland Bubbles, not trash everything? This office looks like it's been robbed more than searched by the police, I’m pretty sure that the Boland could actually sue them for reparation -- they broke the CRYSTAL WHALE FFS!!!!!

Oh my God, Beth's incriminating letter from two eps ago was actually incriminating, I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. So now, let's check every character's situation at the beginning and the ending of that episode. Dean's still in prison, Eric's still at his aunt's, Beth's still vaguely guilting but mostly wandering around visiting Dean, Annie's still miserable about her kid, Ruby still doesn't have a storyline of her own, Phoebe's still looking for actual evidence, Rio's still mumbling in the background, and Fitzpatrick is still not doing his job. Yes, exactly. Nothing. Happened.

Bonus: Another original footage from the show since I know you love them!

[multipandombabe]

Could you write a blurb about running into your much older ex boyfriend (maybe famous) with dave and him feeling jealous and petty? maybe he gees super quiet/weird with him there and you have to talk him down from jealous rage afterwards.

It was supposed to just be a simple outing together. Some lunch at a nice restaurant—away from the house, away from editing, where the two of you could get some fresh air, good food and a view that was a laptop or phone screen. But as you were finishing up dessert that instantly changed.

“I told you you’d like it here.” You gush, waving you finger across the table at David who was busy scraping at the last morsels of the chocolate dessert that the two of you split earlier. He could only respond with a snort and a show of his middle finger.

Rolling your eyes you grabbed at your clutch, “Okay well while you finish absorbing those crumbs through your skin I’m gonna settle the check.”

“Aht aht.” Before you could even pull out the cash to pay David (with a mouthful) was shaking his head and pulling out his wallet from his back pocket, sorting through it to find his card. Despite being well off due to your own career of acting for the past however many years David never allowed you to pay for anything. It led to lots of silly fights and arguments to the point in which you would have to sneakily find your own ways to pay, but, nevertheless, you found it endearing.

He stood from his seat and winked in your direction before darting his way through the array of tables to the front desk. Huffing a sigh you beamed brightly at him you went to close your purse but mistakenly over guessed the distance from it and your hand, knocking it over onto the ground.

“Dammit—“

Stretching down to grasp at it you were apparently beaten to the punch as another hand latched its way around the strap.

Brows furrowing together your eyes followed from the fingers of indistinctive hand all the way up its arm to the owner’s face. A face you knew all too well.

“Tom?”

Standing before you in all of his glory was your superstar ex Tom Holland of 3 and a half years—whom you hadn’t seen in 2.

The relationship was orchestrated by both of your managements after the two of you starred as love interests in an A24 film. And although it started off as a publicity stunt feelings truly did begin to blossom between the two of you—leading to said 3 and a half years when the original contact stated a year.

But as time crept forward things just slowly started to fall apart between the two of you. Between the extreme distance and opposite schedules it led to misplaced anger, which grew into unnecessary gaslighting Tom and resentment from you. The split was messy and blown even moreso out of proportion than you expected when certain details from your relationship got leaked by Tom’s team to the press and all in all, cutting off all contact from him was quite literally the least you could do.

You met David shortly after at an awards show and had instantly hit off. You were obviously hesitant to fall for anyone after your whole charade with Tom and made David extremely aware of that, so you simply started off as friends. But his crush on you from the beginning was apparent and the closer the two of you grew the easier you too fell for him. And the rest was history.

But now here you all awkwardly were.

“Hi love,” his tone and the use of the pet name urged chills all up and down your arms—the collection of them only growing more fervent as your eye line connected with his own. He had a smirk to his lips and a glint to his eyes. “Thought that was you, saw you from across the room and had to come make sure.”

The way he laughed so casually like you had been friends forever, or like he hadn’t smashed your heart and peace of mind one shard at a time twisted your stomach. You were worried that your big lunch wouldn’t stay down for much longer.

“Well..it’s me.” You simpered back hesitantly, “What..what are you doing in LA?”

Tom shuffled closer to you, his free hand now resting on the table top—blocking your view to the rest of the restaurant, only being able to see him.

“Oh I’m here filming a new movie for Netflix.”

He continued to drawn on but you could only catch so much. You were way more focused on trying to find David through what you could see over Tom, silently praying he was on his way back already.

“But enough about me,” Your eyes flickered back to Tom who was now sitting across from you in David’s seat, arms crossed over his chest looking all too comfortable, “How are you? Or I guess I should say, how are you and that YouTuber boyfriend of yours?”

If it weren’t for how inexplicably uncomfortable you were right now you probably would’ve cracked a smile at how the word ‘Youtuber’ rolled off his tongue with so much disdain. You could see it in the way his lips coiled and his nose scrunched—he was bothered, jealous even.

“We’re doing great.”

Both Tom and yourself whipped your heads to the side at the new voice, finding David stood at the end of the table. The red in his cheeks was apparent just like the darkening to his browns. Again—if the circumstances were once again different you’d probably be turned on right now.

He was staring Tom down with a look you hadn’t truly seen before; David was always, or at least more than not, collected. It truly took a lot to piss him off to the point in which he had to be physically defensive but if anyone could do it it was definitely your ex.

Before the conversation could even continue David had gently taken your hand, bringing you out of your seat and to his side.

“Thanks for asking.” His tone was clearly acidic, along with the daggers he was currently shooting at Tom who seemed to shrink a bit into the seat he had so graciously occupied. Tom’s face with filled with a series of emotions that you couldn’t exactly place but did’t care enough to anyway.

You were more concerned on how tense David’s frame was. His touch on you was gentle per usual but the rest of his body was flaring in red and flexed. Unconsciously you drew your free hand to back of his neck, drawing circles at the base of it with the tips of your fingers. He soften slightly.

Reaching down David wrapped his hand around your clutch, quite literally ripping it from Tom’s hold with a smile as bright as the one Tom himself appeared with prior to.

“Have a great evening man, don’t forget to try the chocolate mousse!” He cheered before spinning the both of you around and heading towards the exit.

“I fuck hate that guy.”

David was seething as the two of you stepped out the building. His face was a blistering red and shoulders shook with pent of adrenaline, whole body still just as tense as before if not more. Fists clenching in and out of his palms he staggered forward towards the car mumbling a slew of insults and other thoughts about Tom that were nothing close to pretty.

“Fucking smug British piece of shit, did you see the way he looked at you? The way he looked at me?! I could’ve just picked him up by his damn collar and thrown him god. And he was so fucking cocky, y’know what—I’d be a better damn Spiderman than him that’s for sure—"

Instinctively your hand found its way to one of his and clasped around it easily, knowingly. The gesture stopped him in his tracks, now glancing down in your direction and all over your figure.

A wisp of a smile crossed over your lips before you brought his balled fist to your mouth, pressing a kiss to his tired knuckles.

You noticed how much tension left his body the moment he could feel your skin on yours—an expression so simple to onlookers but so so sweet to him.

“Thank you.” The words trickled out at the volume of a whisper, only for him to hear, staring at him with adoration. His face softened before you, eyebrows falling and the wrinkled skin around his nose fading.

“For what?”

A giggle found its way out of the back of your throat before you shook your head and pulled him close, arms wrapping around his frame. He followed suit with his own arms, curling them round your shoulders to bring you into him.

“Nothing…everything.”

David’s eyes molded into all aglow, looking at you like you put the damn stars in the skies. But then again when didn’t he?

Pressing a chaste kiss to your lips he pulled back with a settled grin, shifting you so his arm was over your shoulder and your’s stayed tucked around his torso before you both carried off down the street once again.

“I’d totally be a better Spider-Man than him though.”

“Of course you would babe."

[expired-monster-craft-smp]

Vibes Dream SMP members give off (in my opinion)

Dream

Barked at people in high school ironically but it became unironic real quick

Can’t cook very well but is good with a knife, especially at a fast pace

One of those kids who either purposely spells the first word wrong in a spelling bee to just be done with it right away or tries the hardest and manages to win (there is no inbetween for this heathen)

Bites ice cream with his teeth

Has snorted pixie stix far too many times and sneezed blue after each time

Eats bananas with the peels

Wears mismatched socks

Has taken a bite out of a pool noodle because he liked the texture and impulsively bit it (ADHD things✨😌)

Walks around looking extremely high but he’s just spacin out and stuck in his head

Dreams (lmao) in Minecraft and video games in general

Will flirt with anything that moves but has no idea how to respond to compliments

Makes fun of himself first before anyone else can

Has eaten an orange peel and it wasn’t that bad in his humble opinion

Wears khaki shorts

Eats the wax part of the baby bell cheese

Doesn’t actually know what genre his music taste is cause he vibes to everything

Georgenotfound

Picks at the skin on his lip when it’s dry so it bleeds and he tries not to give in by licking his lips often enough to the point where it became a habit

Wears velcro shoes because he doesn’t feel like tying them (he knows how, he just doesn’t wanna do it)

Eats peanut butter straight from the jar

Makes that disgusting “ants on a log” thing (celery stick filled with peanut butter topped with a row of raisins)

Can’t drink milk plain, it’s gotta have some sort of flavour

Can draw a perfect straight line but his circles look Terrible

Eats cheez-its like cereal without milk

Loves making little noises so much like he walks around his house doin chores and he’s just goin “memememenownownwnkwkshskshkshskhs”

Hates wearing socks

Coloured his tongue with highlighters because they’re non-toxic

Constantly tapping his feet and hands to a song/beat playing in his head

I can’t imagine this man using a bike of any sort, so Imma say he doesn’t know how

Can’t be licked by dogs because he’s used to being licked by his cat so it makes him uncomfortable

Can actually sing pretty well but gets real nervous in front of people so he fucks it up

Sapnap

No idea how to cook anything other than Mac and cheese please help this man

Meows at cats because he wants to confuse them and laughs Way too hard when he does (his laugh is like sunshine so I’ll allow it)

Would be fantastic at braiding hair Idk why

Gives the BEST fuckin hugs EVER

When singing, he makes noises for the instrumental parts too

Wanted to play the drums at one point

Really likes pit bulls but he’s more of a cat person so he loves them from afar

Only vaguely knows how to shave his face properly without hurting himself

Opportunities for him come up out of pure luck but mans is skilled for them so it works out well almost Always

Used to or currently has a skateboard and isn’t too bad

ALWAYS has bruises appearing everywhere for no reason, he doesn’t even know where 90% of them are from

Calls his friends twinks to jokingly bully them and gets away with it because he himself is not a twink

Gets sudden bursts of energy in the middle of the night and just shimmies around a bit to try and deal with it

Favours spearmint over peppermint

Arsonist

Banned from three (3) Dave & Busters in Texas

Badboyhalo

Washes his hands after doing literally anything

Likes the bird exhibits at the zoo (specifically the penguins)

Very good at cooking, best at soups and stews

If he painted his nails they would definitely be a baby blue

Overthinks very simple things and it makes him look less smart than he actually is

Drinks tap water

Probably prefers whiskey over beer

Knows how to tap dance a bit

Surprisingly good at taking and handling shots

Steady hands

Adds extra chocolate to hot chocolate

Plays sudoku and is really really good at it (only uses pen when he plays)

Everytime he sees a Himalayan salt lamp he NEEDS to lick it despite knowing it’s very salty and he’ll pull a face afterwards

Not great at Rock Paper Scissors

Wears sunglasses inside for no reason at all, he just,,,Does

Still has a stuffed animal from childhood perched on his bed

Probably tried his hand at archery

Tommyinnit

He has no idea how to use a baby voice on children or animals, so he just talks to them normally

Wears socks to bed

His fingers are double jointed

Always starts twitching if he stays still for too long because he’s gotta move around

His shoes and have different laces and it bothers everyone but himself

Doodles on himself in class when he’s bored or not paying attention

Has really good hearing, both with pitch and volume

Can’t eat tomato’s by themselves, it’s either gotta be in sauce form or with something else

FUCKING LOVES STRING CHEESE

Terrible handwriting

Favourite part of a slice of bread is the crust

Wants to paint his nails black to be cool and edgy but his hands are far from steady and he has no clue how to paint nails

Pretty affectionate with close friends (like Tubbo and Wilbur) off stream/camera

He likes pears for some reason

Wilbur Soot

Is constantly having to decide between leaving his hair as is or shaving all of it off

He also thinks about adding some colour but never actually does

Most tea is gross to him

Everytime he puts a breath mint thats circular in his mouth, he pretends it’s a pill and he’s taking drugs because he thinks that’s funny

He does that vacant state as a joke but that really what he looks like when he’s spacing out

Likes to aggressively flirt with his male friends but if his female friends flirt with him, he gets a bit flustered

Has probably accidentally swallowed a guitar pick

Once drank two entire jars of pickle juice

Bonks his head on anything and everything

He has broken a pair of glasses by walking face first into a pole outside

Thinks kinetic sand is fun

Has passionate arguments with others about trivial and random topics like chicken feet

Can open a beer bottle with his teeth

Would accidentally pop and swallow a bracket if he had braces

Tubbo

Hates sharp cheddar cheese

Everytime he learns a new word it’s in every sentence he says for the next week or so

Ate candle wax for a dare once

Doesn’t know how to tie a tie and will probably never learn

Wanted to do ballet at one point but decided not to

He has eaten multiple flowers for absolutely no reason other than wanting to know how they taste

Starts vibrating if he’s too excited

Used to bite his nails

ABSOLUTELY DESPISES MUSTARD

Has eaten paper and says it doesn’t taste that bad

Enjoys telling his friends how much they mean to him (this has resulted in Tommy and Wilbur crying on a few seperate occasions)

Spaces out a lot and doesn’t often pay attention to his surroundings

Gets lost inside of Best Buy’s

Likes s’mores but doesn’t properly understand how to make them

Technoblade

Learned to cook purely out of spite and found it’s actually pretty fun

Constantly getting smacked in the face by trees when walking outside

Really likes apple pie

Everytime he looks at potatoes he thinks of all the hours he spent trying to win the potato war

Starts things as a joke and gets too into it

Doesn’t like the taste of most energy drinks

Has rubbed salt and lemon juice into an open wound to just,,see how it felt (he did it once and Hated it but did it again because he forgot what it felt like)

Sometimes hates how quiet he is because everyone he knows is loud and talks over him

Despite how he is portrayed in the Dream SMP, he is extremely loyal to his friends and would kill for them

Over seasons his food because he can’t taste it otherwise

Really good balance

Doesn’t like to wear bright colours, but still enjoys wearing colours

Good at knitting

Quackity

Actually fairly quiet when off camera

Will accidentally use Spanish grammar while speaking English sometimes

Country music confuses him

Doesn’t really like kids but they really like him

Can’t dance

Hardest drugs he’s ever done is second hand smoke from a cigarette and children’s Tylenol

His favourite jolly ranchers are the red and blue ones

He uses lighters as fidget toys basically

Will have a breakdown, take a bubble bath, and call himself the self care king

Dehydrated

Wants a pet rat but he already has a cat and doesn’t wanna risk anything

Constantly questions why his main source of income is playing Minecraft with two 16 year olds

Karl Jacobs

Probably ate a spider once

Would wear those socks that are like gloves for you feet where it separates all the toes

Eats ravioli straight from the can, cold

Can answer an incredibly complex math equation fairly easily but will stumble over 12x11

Loves kids so much and speaks to them in a soft voice

Tried making ramen in a coffee pot and broke it

Drinks 2 monster energy drinks a day on average

Likes to open walnuts with his teeth but doesn’t actually eat them

The embodiment of that one John Maulany joke where he says you could spill soup in his lap and HE’D apologize to YOU

Loves physical affection so so much!!!!

If he moves his wrists in a certain way, they pop Really Loudly

Fantastic at making cookies

Fundy

Lowkey actually a furry but more on like, a cat boy level than fursuit level

Drives a Honda Civic

Likes ABBA

Adds parsley to almost anything he makes food-wise

Loves garlic bread so much, he’d commit a federal crime for it

Middle child vibes

Decent at skiing

Good at singing but isn’t terribly confident

Seems responsible at first glance but in reality he’s pretty chaotic and childish

Bad at spelling

Always cuts his nails way too short so they always feel weird/hurt

Likes bracelets and rings

Thinks pastel colours slap

JSchlatt

Despite the character he plays, he’s actually really sweet

He’s genuinely that cryptic off camera as he is on camera

Can cook but chooses not to most of the time

Would probably say “what pussy size you wear” to anyone who asks him to buy pads

Not actually as intimidating as he appears to be

Lowkey would fight a child

Shuts down when someone compliments him, often using aggression as a front because holy shit they just called him handsome and kind what the Fuck-

Jokingly says his license is suspended but in all actuality he never got his license in the first place

He has two (2) extra teeth but they don’t need to be removed so he kept them

Has a stick n poke of a stickman on his ankle he got in high school

Likes physics

This is already very long, and I still plan on adding more.

[sheerbeautyreigns]

DESIRE

Part 35

Things get heated in Vegas.

Paul gently stroked Joe's cheek, hoping to wake him. He groaned, moving his head off Paul’s chest. “Baby,”

“Huh?” Joe moaned, keeping his eyes closed. “Let’s go to bed. It’s almost one.” Paul nudged him a little more urging him to get up. He was so cute when he was tired, eyes squinting, trying to avoid the light, his hair messy. He threw off the robe that he had been wearing and crawled in under the covers, closely followed by Paul. His face warmed seeing Joe immediately pull the covers up over his naked body. Paul lay behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist. Joe nodded off pretty quickly while Paul was just happy to lay holding him until he eventually drifted off.

It was almost 8:30 when Paul woke up. He rolled onto his back and looked to his left. Joe was lying on his stomach, head turned to face him. Strands, of hair had fallen in front of his face. Paul could just about see the fresh stitches on his temple. He knew it was a simple accident but it didn’t stop him being pissed off about it. That and the fact that he didn’t find out about the Wyatt attack until the last minute. He had to contain his anger sitting next to Vince watching it all unfold. He knew Joe could take it but he had become so protective of him in recent weeks that he would do anything in his position of power to give him anything. He could also see the fresh scratches and bruises that had appeared throughout his arms, side and back.

Paul had always found marks sexy but only when he was causing them. It made him think about the first time when he looked at Joe in a different way. It was back in 2014 when The Shield were up against Evolution at the Payback PPV. That time when he, Randy and Dave beat Joe with kendo sticks, followed by a steel chair. Not only that but the very next night when he was beaten with a steel chair. It turned him on immensely and he had been paying special attention to him since but he never made a move until after they got to know each other better during their 2016 feud.

“What are you thinking?” came Joe monotone voice against the pillow. Paul’s eyes trailed up to his. “Just looking at your battle scars.” A lazy smile crept across Joe face. “I dread to think what they look like this morning, much less feel.”

“At least you can rest until Sunday.” Paul said trailing his fingers gently down his spine, down to the base of his back. “I’ll need it.”

“It’ll be worth it baby, to see you with that title again. It’s been too long.” Paul re-assured him. Joe cast his eyes downwards. “It is what you want, isn’t it?”

Joe hesitated before answering. He turned on his side, wincing a little. “I just feel bad for Drew.” He pursed his lips. “I mean, it was meant for him wasn’t it?”

“Yeah but he doesn’t know that. It wasn’t fully decided until I spoke with creative.”

“He’s worked so hard for it-” Joe started. “Hey, look, we all know how hard he’s worked. He’ll get it one day but not just yet. It’s your time understand?” Joe really did feel troubled by this whole set up. He felt that this was just being given to him because of his relationship with Paul and he knew a few people would realise that. Joe always wanted to work for his title shots. “Do you understand?” Paul asked again. Joe nodded.

“I don’t want you overthinking this whole thing or losing sleep about it. Just rest up this week and do what you do best on Sunday.” Paul said placing a kiss on his lips before crawling out of bed, naked. Joe turned on his back and smiled, checking out his sweet ass as he went into the ensuite.

He listened as Paul ran the bath and thought about what he had just said. Seemed he would have this no other way. Joe himself agreed that he had busted his ass for almost a year with no sign of a title shot so true, it was his time. He just felt bad that he was getting in over Drew considering how well they had become acquainted in the last month.

Paul came out of the bathroom and came towards him. “I’m running you a nice relaxing bath baby. It’ll help, if only a little.” He said sitting at Joe’s side as he sat up. “You’re too good to me.” The young man told him. “It’s only temporary, while you’re hurt. Wait until I get you to my place next week.” Paul smirked with a dark glint in his eye. “Can’t wait.” His lips curved into a smile as Paul’s hand curved around the back of his neck and motioned him towards him for a slow, sensual kiss. Joe got up off the bed. “Check on the bath.” Paul advised, smacking him on the ass.

Joe eyebrows furrowed as he checked out his back in the bathroom mirror. It was as bad as he thought it would be. Hopefully creative didn’t have any nasty surprises in store for him come Sunday.

Carefully he eased himself into the bath. The heat of the water increased the pain in his back initially but he started to feel more relaxed as he lay back. He cupped the water in his hands, releasing it onto his chest and lay with his head back, eyes closed. It was so relaxing, he almost fell asleep again. Paul appeared at the door. His face softened when he saw Joe in the tub. He looked so peaceful. He couldn’t imagine wanting to hurt him like he’d done in the past but maybe he’d feel different in a week.

Paul watched with pride as the referee counted 1, 2, 3 when Joe pinned Bray. A huge smile spread across his face as the referee handed him the Universal Title. Joe was so overcome with emotion as he took hold of the belt. He had worked so hard for this and had just taken part in one of the hardest fought and best matches of his career. He felt banged up, still sore from the attack on Raw but he didn’t care.

His eyes met Paul’s first as he arrived backstage. Paul nodded at him with a smile just as he was bombarded by the other wrestlers congratulating him. Once he worked his way through the crowd, he got to Vince, who was almost on the verge of tears as he hugged him and finally Paul, who pulled him into a bear hug. “So proud of you.” Was all he said. Joe knew he was just keeping things low key as not to draw any attention. There would be plenty of time for talk later. All Joe wanted to do now was shower. He made his way, with his belt to the men’s locker room. A few of the guys were already in there, Colby, Tom, Matthew, Claudio, Kevin and Drew. Joe immediately went over to Drew and hugged him. “What a match!” Drew said with a smile, clearly glad that it was over. “You guys put on a hell of a show.” Claudio chimed in, putting his arms around both men. “We must celebrate!” He said throwing his arms up in the air. The others agreed, even Colby. Joe only had plans to go back to the Venetian with Paul. “Whaddya say Joe?” Drew asked. He couldn’t deny that smile. “Sounds a plan.” He said giving in. He barely ever went out for drinks with the guys and they were in Vegas. He grabbed his phone from his bag and quickly called Paul.

“What’s up?” Joe hated interrupting him while he was working. “Listen, some of the guys want to take me out for drinks. They kinda goaded me into it. Do you mind?” Paul was quiet for a moment. “No problem babe, I’ll be here another while anyway and you deserve it. Where are you guys going?”

“I’m not sure yet, somewhere on the Strip I’m sure. It’ll only be for two or three anyway.”

“OK cool, let me know where you end up.”

“Love you.” Joe told him to which Paul replied “Love you too.”

Everyone agreed go to the Dorsey at The Venetian since it was central Strip. They all freshened up and agreed to meet there around eleven. While Joe was changing into a his black suit and black shirt, he heard the door open. Paul was early. “Look at you.” He cooed seeing how good Joe looked. He rarely got to see him in a suit. “Makes me wanna keep you here.” He said pulling him in for a kiss. “I won’t be late. Just thought it’d be nice since we’re in Vegas. You wanna join us? We’re just actually going to the Dorsey downstairs.”

“Aww babe, I”d love to but its been a long day so I’ll just have a drink here.”

“You sure?” Joe checked. “Yeah, I’m good. Who’s out anyway?” He asked. “Kevin, Tom, Matthew, Claudio, Drew and Colby. Just a few of us.” Paul pulled away. Joe could see the look change on Paul’s face. He placed his hands on his hips. “I thought you and Colby were no longer on speaking terms?” Joe shifted. “Well, there’s just the odd hello here and there. It’s kinda unavoidable since we work together.” Joe tried to reason with him.

“Doesn’t sound like it.” Paul said. He looked annoyed. “Claudio just suggested drinks when we were all in the locker room. I could hardly say no?” Paul walked out of the bedroom into the living room area with Joe in pursuit “Look, I should’ve told you when I first mentioned drinks but I…” Paul stopped and turned to face him “You what?” Joe backed away a little “I was worried you might be annoyed.” The young man was frustrated. “You’re right. I am. I specifically asked you not to get involved with him-”

“We’re just going for drinks with friends. That’s all! Don’t you trust me?” Joe asked, searching his eyes. Paul’s eyebrow furrowed “Don’t you?” Joe asked again, his eyes starting to look a little glassy. Joe swallowed, backing away and going back into the bedroom. Paul’s look said it all. He could hear Joe starting to gather his things in the ensuite. “What are you doing?” Paul asked coming into the bedroom. “You clearly don’t trust me so I’m done.” Joe was visibly upset. “I’m sorry baby. Don’t go-” He said grabbing Joe arm. “No, not this time. I was so fucking stupid to think I could try this again.” He said zipping up his bag. He was angry now. Paul grabbed his arm again, this time not letting him go. “Look, look! I’m sorry I upset you. You know how I feel about Colby.”

“There’s nothing going on. I can’t believe you don’t trust me with him.” At that moment, Joe phone rang. He took it out of his pocket. It was Drew. Paul eyed the phone before Joe answered. “Hey, I’m just held up a little. I’ll be down soon.”

Paul took a few steps back. “Y’know what? You do what you want. See if I care.” Joe scowled at him before grabbing his bag and leaving the room. He was seething. He blinked his eyes hard as he walked towards the elevators, trying to ward off tears. Luckily, reception was quiet since it was Sunday night and he was able to get himself a room. He quickly dropped his bag off and went down to the bar. The guys were all sat around a table in the corner. “About time!” Tom announced as he approached the table. “Sorry guys!” Joe apologised forcing a smile. “Have some champagne! Time to celebrate!” Claudio said, already filling a glass for Joe. They all toasted to his win and a good night for them all in general.

“Where’s Paul?” Drew asked whilst the others were all chatting amongst themselves. “He’s upstairs.” Joe simply said, taking a swig of his beer. “Didn’t care to join us for a drink?”

“You know what he’s like. Anyway, I don’t wanna talk about him.” Joe called to the passing bartender “Can I get another round?” The bartender got to work immediately. Drew looked Joe over. Something seemed off, like he was hiding something.

An hour passed and everyone was moderately drunk. Joe was in mild conversation with Colby when his phone rang. Colby could see it was Paul, just before Joe put it away. “Aren’t you gonna get that?”

“No, It’s fine.” Joe shrugged. “Listen man, tell me if I’m out of line but…you seem different tonight. Are things OK with you and Paul?” He asked cautiously so the others wouldn’t hear. “No, they’re not.” He said before sighing. “Do you want to talk about it?” Joe looked him in the eyes “Actually, no. I just wanna have a good time with you guys and forget about it.” Colby backed up “It’s cool man, whatever you want.”

It was around 1am when the guys decided to call it a night and go to their respective hotels. “Hang on for a moment.” Joe told Colby as the others left.

“I didn’t want to come off as a dick earlier. You know that’s not me.” Joe started apologising as they stood in the lobby area. “Hey man it’s all good. Despite what’s happened between us over the past month or so, you know I’m always here for you.”

“Appreciate it man. Where are you staying?” Joe asked. “Here. I’ve never stayed here before, thought I’d treat myself.”

“Well It’s been a long day. I’m shattered.” Joe said as they walked towards the elevators. “At least were here tomorrow for Raw so can chill for a bit.”

“Well, this is me.” Joe said as they stopped at the 10th floor. “You gonna be OK? I don’t mind keeping you company…” Colby offered. Joe eyes trailed in his direction as the elevator stopped and the doors opened. He didn’t need to say anything. Colby stepped out into the hallway and walked to Joe’s room in silence. Nothing had been touched. It just looked like he’d left his suitcase in and came down to the bar which meant that he had probably been in Paul’s room beforehand.

Joe closed the room door behind them and set the key card aside. Colby walked into the living room area and looked out the window, taking in the night view. Joe followed, taking off his jacket and setting it on the back of the chair. Quietly he moved behind Colby and placed his hand on his right shoulder, urging him to turn around. Without a word, he kissed him gently on the lips. Colby reciprocated momentarily but moved away slowly. “What’s the matter?” Joe asked. “I don’t want to regret this.”

“You won’t.” He leaned in to kiss him again, more forceful this time. “Joe, please-”

“I thought you wanted this?” Joe searched his eyes. “I do but, you’re drunk…pissed off with Paul. I just…you’ve gotta understand where I’m coming from?” Colby was being reasonable. Joe moved away, lowering to the sofa. “I do. It’s not fair on you man.” Colby joined him on the sofa. “Do you mind me asking what happened?”

“Things got a little rocky a couple of weeks ago when I went to stay at his in Connecticut so I left earlier than I had planned. I thought that was it but last Friday, we talked and ended up spending the weekend together in Denver.”

“When I told him I was going for drinks tonight, he was fine at first but he got pissed off when he heard you would be there.” Colby rolled his eyes “It’s just drinks with friends. What does he think is gonna happen between us?” Colby shook his head in amusement. “He doesn’t trust me when it comes to you and I can’t live like that. I had to make a choice.”

“So that’s why you walked out tonight?” Colby pursed his lips. “Yeah. I had enough.” Joe let out an exasperated sigh. “I’m just tired man.” Joe leaned forward and lowered his head into his hands. Colby could see that he was starting to cry. He moved closer and put his arms around Joe “Aww man, don’t cry.” Joe buried his head into his friends shoulder and sobbed quietly. “I hate to see you like this.” He stroked the back of his neck, gently rocking him. Joe moved away, rubbing his eyes. “I’m sorry. I just feel like a mess.” Colby took hold of his shoulders. “Listen to me. I don’t want to see you upset. You’re not a mess. You’re a brilliant man and my best friend. You deserve the best.” Joe blinked and nodded. He felt ashamed. He didn’t want Colby to see him like this. “Just get some sleep man.” Joe nodded standing up. He stood up and got undressed down to his boxers while Colby pulled back the covers on the bed and moved the cushions aside. Joe brushed his teeth and came back into the bedroom. Colby forced a smile. “Will you stay a while. Just until I fall asleep? I don’t wanna be alone.” Joe as asked timidly.

“Of course.” He nodded. Joe got into the bed and watched as he undressed, neatly setting his shirt and trousers aside before turning off the lights. The room was now bathed on a red glow, coming from the nearby Hi-Roller outside. Colby climbed in next to Joe, who was lying on his back, eyes lowered to his chest. Colby moved closer, allowing Joe to lean his head into his chest for comfort. He placed his hand on Joe abdomen. There was something so soothing lying with Colby, hearing his light breaths and feeling his heartbeat that it didn’t take Joe long to nod off.

Joe awoke around nine the following morning. The room was bright since the curtains hadn’t been drawn. He had been lying in the same position as he had fallen asleep in. Colby started to stir, moving his head. He groaned, opening his eyes slowly.

“What time is it?” He asked groggily. Joe grabbed his phone from the night stand. “It’s just gone nine. Thanks for staying.“ Joe turned in to face him. “No worries. You feeling a bit better?” Colby asked, stroking his cheek. “Rested. So glad we don’t have to travel today.”

“I know. What are you gonna do?” Colby asked, stroking Joe forearm. “I don’t know. I never made plans. I normally just chill with Paul.”

“Why don’t we go somewhere for a big breakfast. There’s a place I’ve been to before called the Peppermill. Wanna go there?”

“A big breakfast sounds perfect about now.” His stomach rumbled at the thought. Colby laughed upon hearing it. His hand trailed down to Joe stomach where he tickled him. Joe laughed aloud, squirming, trying to fight him off as Colby climbed on top of him, continuing to tickle him. He grabbed Joe by the wrists and pinned him to the mattress. Joe could feel his cock getting very hard as Colby did this.

“What are you gonna do now?” he teased, lowering his head closer to Joe. Their eyes met. Without hesitation, Joe lifted his head off the pillow and kissed Colby. Within seconds, they were entangled in a passionate kiss, hands roaming each others bodies, scrambling to take their boxers off. Joe rolled over onto his stomach, arching himself up on his knees. Colby climbed behind him and prized his ass cheeks apart, leaned forward and started to tease his opening with his tongue. Joe moaned at the warm wet feeling. “So good…” He looked behind and all he could see was Colby’s head buried in his ass. He dripped his saliva around the opening and lined the head of his cock up with the opening of Joe’s hole. He eased his way in as Joe lowered his head, breathing deeply. In no time their bodies were rocking the bed, slowly at first, then becoming more steady as Colby picked up the pace. “Aaaah fuck. Jesus!” Joe let out, trying to maintain his balance. All Joe could hear was the slamming of Colby”s balls every time he thrust into him along with his grunts. He sure had stamina when it came to fucking. Colby gripped his pelvis tightly, steadying him as he came hard in his ass. Joe buried his head into the pillows below as Colby shuddered behind him breathlessly. He eventually released Joe, rolling back onto his heels. He watched as Joe rolled over onto his back, strands of hair strewn across his damp forehead. He smiled lazily at Colby, watching as he leaned down to kiss him.

“I don’t know about you but I need food.” Colby said getting off the bed. “I’m gonna go freshen up in my room and I’ll meet you at like 10:30 in the Lobby?”

“Sounds perfect.” Joe said getting off the bed. He followed Colby to the door. “Hey.” Colby turned around. “Thanks man.” Joe kissed him again before letting him leave. Joe smiled to himself as he walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. He went to the bedside to plug in his phone. He pursed his lips upon seeing a couple of unread WhatsApp messages from Paul. A horrible feeling invaded the pit of his stomach as he opened them.

11:30pm - I’m sorry about tonight. I do trust you. I don’t want to lose you again.

8:45am – Hope you’re OK? I want to make things better. Can we talk?

Joe exhaled setting the phone down and went to take his shower. All he could think of was that it was too late for Paul to say he trusted him. Why didn’t he say it to his face last night? Again, Paul had him wrecking his brain. He didn”t know how things might pan out with Colby since he was known to sleep around. He probably wouldn’t want anything serious. It was too soon anyway. He decided he was gonna just play it cool in the meantime and see how things pan out.

When he came back into the bedroom, his phone had just stopped ringing. It was Paul. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

One thing that was certain, Paul wasn’t the type to give up on something so easily. He would probably see him this evening for Raw and part of him wanted to get this over with.

“I was wondering if I’d hear from you at all.” Paul started. “I’m not long up.” Joe said walking over to the window. “Good night?” Joe hated this small talk. “Yeah, was a nice change.” There was a moment of silence. “Are you at the Venetian still?” Paul asked.

“Yeah.” Joe started pacing around the room.

“Can I see you?” Paul eventually asked. “I have to head out soon.”

“When you’re free?” Paul pushed. “OK. I should be around one.” Joe told him. He was already dreading this conversation. “OK come up to my room.” Paul said before ending the call.

[shananigans402]

1-65 will do, please. Thanks fuck face :)

I knew exactly who this was and I was so tempted to not reply, but your punishment is having to read through all my answers and remember them forever or you fail the friend test. To everyone else, please do not click unless you want to be very bored, my answers are not interesting lol

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nope

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? Assuming 5 is the most, 1. Maybe 2. 

3. The person you would never want to meet? The person who sent me this (jk I’m excited for our eventual meet up where we hit up a strip club first thing 🙏)

4. What is your favorite word? I answered with ‘conniption’ the other day and still have not found a word I like more.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Already answered this, fruit tree! I also like palm trees, maple trees, and willow trees. I know that’s not the question, I’m just saying random shit now.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? It took me a long while to remember where I was this morning. I honestly don’t remember, I was rushing to get ready for an early morning meeting.

7. What shirt are you wearing? My Orlando Strong shirt 

8. What do you label yourself as? Lesbian

9. Bright room or dark room? Bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping? Possibly checking on a feverish little beeb who was going through it with her second dose of the vaccine.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? No idea. I like various ages for different reasons, but this age so far is not bad. 

12. Who told you they loved you last? Probably my sister 🤷‍♀️

13. Your worst enemy? The person who sent this ask.

14. What is your current desktop picture? The apple pic of Catalina island that changes based on time of day (yes it’s the default, don’t judge me)

15. Do you like someone? Lol yeah I hope so 😂

16. The last song you listened to? Pretty Girl by Hayley Kiyoko 

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Definitely @raginage

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I feel like I can only attack Raginage so many times. Can I pick a fictional character? This week I was real mad at Dave in The Darkness. BaBe!​

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Lol no one, you’re talking to a person who feels very uncomfortable with anyone doing anything nice for them.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) Not this again. Last time I said eyes? Still no pics, sorry

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? What would I look like? Do I get to design myself like a sim? I honestly don’t know what I’d do because I doubt the world needs another clueless white man walking around, so maybe just stay at home. 

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Nope. And my last answer to this was awful. I do think I have a fantastic ability to annoy my friends but in a way that’s just amusing/endearing enough to make them still want to talk to me 😌

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Unique? Uhm well my two big fears are confined spaces and deep water so a submarine is like my worst nightmare.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Oh this is going to sound so odd. To be clear, I’ve had better sandwiches, but my go-to is provolone, turkey, roast beef, and spicy brown mustard or whole grain mustard. Please don’t judge me.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? Travel budget for future trips to visit my buds and get into trouble and eat food. I know $100 won’t go far, but it’s something.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Well, after my last answer I want to visit my friends! But there are too many people to visit and I only have one ticket. So change of plans. I’m going on a solo trip to Greece. Or Argentina. Or Iceland. Or Bali. Damn, I’m indecisive. 

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Rabble red blend. Just a solid red wine. Also because @viola-lloyds stole my answer the other day (Juneshine; to be fair I asked her this question but whatever) and I don’t want to copy her.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Oh I answered this one, something about respecting others. Yeah, a nice rule like that. Want to establish some healthy communication on this island.

29. What is your favorite expletive? It’s still fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? But what about my PLANTS. Can they count as loved ones? Probably my laptop, I know that’s lame but like...I have a lot of stuff on here. Or the collection of cards I have that my granddad drew little drawings in, I want to get them all framed.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? To be honest, I don’t know if I’d change big life events in case it altered the trajectory of where I ended up. So idk maybe the ending of Bly, let’s give those lesbians have a happy ending!

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Italy! But wait, let’s get back to this sleeping with celebrities and super-powers bit...

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Oh that’s a really tough question. I always wanted to meet my great-grandma Olga because she seemed like a really awesome lady. 

34. What was your last dream about? I can’t remember, this is bothering me because I wish I could! I’m sorry. My gf recently had a dream where I kissed a dude right in front of her. It made us both very uncomfy lol

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? I hate this question because I can only think of one thing.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? For surgery, yeah

37. Have you ever built a snowman? But of course!

38. What is the color of your socks? Not wearing any? I was wearing blue ones earlier. Jfc my answers are so boring.

39. What type of music do you like? Lots! I tend to listen to indie, classic rock, and some pop

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate or a variant (chocolate peanut butter, chocolate caramel)

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) LA Rams or Seattle Seahawks. I know they’re in the same division. It’s tough. (Please don’t ask me why these teams)

43. Do you have any scars? Yep, mostly from burning myself on ovens. I simply get too excited for my food.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? I...have graduated? 

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Well bestie recently said I have “lesbian hands” and I think that’s code for man hands so maybe that hahaha

46. Are you reliable? I try to be!

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? How many more times will I watch The Darkness before I learn my lesson? (Related: When does other bestie finally admit to her fetish?)

48. Do you hold grudges? Not typically, no

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? A dog and an otter? Can we domesticate otters? No, a horse and a large bird, create a pegasus and then free travel.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Oh god. I don’t even know where to start today tbh. Damie and pokemon and cosycon and looming and feet and [redacted] and developing apps for VP. So many fantastic conversations. 

In real life, probably the time I was at a laundromat in Italy and this guy wandered in with a beer, sat next to me and my male roommate, assumed we were a couple, and proceeded to give us bizarre life advice. I wish I could remember more of it, but it was so odd.

51. Are you a good liar? Hmm I’m okay at it I think, that is, I can convince people I’m serious when I’m actually joking. But I don’t like actually lying if it’s not just teasing someone. 

52. How long could you go without talking? Probably a few days if I had to.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? The haircut I got before studying abroad! It was too short and I was so sad.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? For a birthday? No. For fun? Absolutely.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? Not well, no

56. What do you like on your toast? Butter and/or honey and/or jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? My beautiful depiction of a scene of chapter one of Private Dancer. 

58. What would be you dream car? An electric car of some sort. I don’t know enough about cars tbh

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Nope but sometimes I’ll play music and dance and maybe softly sing.

60. Do you believe in aliens? Yep! Definitely 

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Almost never unless someone sends it to me.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Already answered, A

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dinosaurs! 🦕

64. What do you think about babies? What do I think about them? They’re pretty cool. Just tiny little humans. 

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. I was very nice and let you correct your mistake and submit one after the fact:

In your opinion what is the best thing you can cook, like your speciality? My favorite thing to make is pasta, I started making my own sauce and I’d love to make pasta from scratch sometime.

[wefoundloveunderthelight]

Wonderland by GleefullyCaptainSwan

Read on AO3: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Or on FF

Tagging: @kmomof4 @lfh1226-linda @teamhook

Chapter 2: Emma Swan

Emma sat on the plane with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. She had never felt so trapped in her entire life. She bit the inside of her cheek and her knee began to bounce nervously.

“Emma, everything is going to be alright.”

Emma glared at her mother. “Easy for you to say, you aren’t about to be a prisoner in the middle of the fucking ocean.”

“Don’t you dare talk to your mother with that language.”

Emma narrowed her eyes in her father’s direction. “Apologizes Mother.” The woman smiled sadly. “Happy now, Dave?” She added icily.

“Emma Grace Nolan!” She smirked; her father hated that she had begun calling him by his first name. A fact she took great pleasure in.

The pilot announced that they would be landing, and she turned toward the window, avoiding further conversation with her parents.

Growing up the heiress to the Nolan empire would have been a gift to anyone else, but Emma had always considered it a curse. Her entire life she had been expected to dress to perfection, act like royalty, and most importantly, never soil the family name.

“What’s your name?” “Wouldn’t you like to know!” “Girl, you are in a lot of trouble right now. You can tell me your name or not, either way I’m going to find out.” “Go to hell, officer.” “Have it your way.”

The jolt of the wheels touching down tore her from her thoughts. She closed her eyes, wishing she were anywhere but here.

“I can do this on my own.” She said defiantly as her parents followed her to the waiting limo.

“Not happening.” Her father nodded at the driver and opened the door, waiting for Emma to enter the car before sitting down beside her.

“This is ridiculous, I’m not a child.”

“Then stop acting like one.”

“David.” Her mother scolded.

They rode the rest of the way in awkward silence. When Emma stepped out of the limo, she grabbed her mother by the arm. “If I have to do this the least you can do is let me go in alone.”

Her mother stared at her, and her face softened.

“Emma we just want you to get better. You’re sick.”

“Yeah, well I’m here right? I’m on an island I can’t escape from. What is the harm in letting me walk in there on my own?”

Her father grabbed her bags and started walking up the path to the center. “David.” He turned around, making his annoyance clear. “I think Emma can do the rest on her own.” He paused, looking between them both and then setting her bag down.

“Fine.”

She bent down and slung her bag over her shoulder. “Well, I’m off to prison.”

“Don’t think of it that way, Emma.” Her mother pleaded.

“Whatever.” She turned and walked away, not bothering to look back, choosing to ignore the pain on her mother’s face or the anger on her father’s that she knew was the mask he used to hide his concern.

She swung open the door to the center and walked up to the front desk. The man dressed in a security uniform looked up at her. He was gorgeous, but not the type of gorgeous she was used to seeing. Men in her circle knew they were good looking and with that brought the attitude and money to get any woman they wanted. He had a more down to earth sexy look that she didn’t see in the men she knew.

“Name, please.” He didn’t even bother to hold her gaze, he looked away and frowned.

“Emma Swan.”

“Say’s Nolan in my logbook.” He glanced at her and shrugged.

Emma groaned, ok gorgeous but annoying.

“Listen asshole, it’s Emma Swan. Update your damn records.”

She looked around anxiously as the man typed into his computer. Across the hall her gaze landed on the bluest eyes she had ever seen, staring holes into her. The corner of his lip turned upward into a cocky smirk. “Take a picture, it will last longer.” She cursed under her breath.

He strolled across the room toward her, her breath catching in her throat at the intensity of his stare. “Haven’t met Regina yet, have you lass? No phones allowed; thus, I am forced to burn every naughty detail of you into my brain so that I may use it later...” He leaned closer to her ear; his breath hot against her skin. “for personal reasons.”

The guard at the desk cleared his throat. “Jones, I know it’s your first day, but rule #3 makes this entire exchange completely pointless.”

“Aye, but I still have one hand left to take care of matters myself.” He held up his hand, gesturing with his middle finger toward the guard. Only then did Emma notice the missing appendage on his left side, forcing her eyes to return to man who was drawing her ire.

“What’s rule #3?”

The man smirked and walked away from her. “Good luck, Miss Swan.”

The guard stood, “Ignore him, he’s still adjusting to his first day.” He walked out from behind the desk, Emma was quick to notice that this man obviously worked out. Wonderland certainly didn’t seem to be short on attractive men, no matter how aggravating they were, at least it had great scenery. “Let me take you to Regina, this way.”

“Regina?”

“She’s the manager of WRC. She’ll go over the rules with you.”

“Like rule #3?”

“Ah yes, the no sex rule.”

Emma’s eyes widened, before she was ushered into the large office.

“Regina, I have a new patient. Emma Nolan.”

“Swan. Emma Swan.” She corrected. At least the annoying jerk with the amazing blue eyes and sexy swagger got her name right, even if he was mocking her while using it correctly.

“Please sit.” The woman spoke, gesturing her to the seat across from her. “Thank you, Graham.” The guard left the room and closed the door behind him.

“Miss Nolan, welcome to Wonderland.”

“Look, I prefer Swan, but just call me Emma, since no one seems to listen to my requests around here.”

“I don’t care what you want to be called. Honestly, my job is to ensure your recovery, Emma. That’s all.” She opened her file and began reading. “Born Emma Nolan.” She looked up at her and smiled. “Daughter of David and Mary Margaret Nolan of the Nolan Empire.” She sat down the binder. “Your father owns all those hotels across the world, is that correct?”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Yeah, boring.”

“Ah, not impressed with daddy’s money but more than happy to spend it, I’m sure.”

“Don’t pretend you know me.”

“Oh Emma, I don’t have to know you, I know your type. Born with more luxury than most people could ever dream to afford yet so deeply afflicted that you are afraid you’ll never get the one thing you desire the most.”

“And what would that be?”

“Being worthy of the family name.”

“I already told you, I don’t even want that name. I don’t give a fuck about being a Nolan.” The woman smiled and Emma looked away angrily. “Aren’t you supposed to give me the rules or some bullshit, or are we done now?”

“Of course, lets talk rules. You will have individual sessions with Dr. Hopper three times a week as well as group therapy once a week.”

“Can’t wait.” She mumbled and the woman grunted angrily before continuing.

“You’re to be in you room with lights out at 10pm each night.”

“I’m 20, not 12”

“You’re also not in a hotel and you will obey my rules or there will be consequences. There will also be no sex on these grounds.”

“So, I’ve heard. This place is a real downer.”

“Dr. Whale will provide you all of your mediation.” She picked up her file again and glanced through it until she found the information she needed. “Anxiety medication, as needed, as well as Birth Control medication, it appears.”

“Not sure why I need that here.” She scoffed.

“We allow our female patients to continue with their usual regimen since most have plans to leave and return to their lives. If you have plans to stay longer, I can let your Dr. know you won’t be needing it.”

“I never said that.”

“In that case, let me continue, there is a gym on site, as well as a registered dietician to use as needed. So now that we got that out of the way, we just need to sign the paperwork and I’ll need your cell phone.”

Emma yanked her phone out of her pocket and tossed it on the table. “Just give me the papers.”

She passed them toward her, “Please sign, Emma Nolan, that is your legal name.”

Emma grumbled as she took pen to paper, signing her name.

“You can make a phone call to mom and dad after you complete the first 14 days of your treatment.”

“Yeah right.”

“In any case, it will be available if you have changed your mind by then. Now let’s go meet your roommate before your first session with Dr. Hopper.”

“So much excitement, I can hardly contain myself.”

The woman did not hide her contempt toward her as they walked out of the office. Emma knew Regina’s type. She had seen it plenty of times before from the women who looked down their noses at Emma even as they attended her parent’s fancy parties. Those were the women who thought Emma was undeserving of her life. She hated women like Regina Mills. Eventually she would have to find a way to convince this lady to let her go home. She studied her cautiously as they walked. She would do what she always did, find a crack, and expose it.

“Ruby, I have your new roommate, Emma.”

Emma eyed the girl lying on her bed, engrossed in a magazine. “Bed’s over there.” The girl pointed to the other side of the room and the empty bed.

“Dr. Hopper should be ready to see you as soon as you unpack.” Regina nodded to the women and exited quickly.

“She’s a real piece of work.” Emma whispered under her breath.

“The word you’re looking for is bitch.” The tall dark-haired girl added.

“Glad it wasn’t just me thinking that.”

“You won’t have to deal with her much unless you break the rules, so obviously I see her at least once or twice a week.” She grinned.

Maybe she might actually like her roommate.

“I don’t know how you could even walk around here without breaking rule #3 at least once or twice a day.”

“You mean the eye candy?” Ruby mused. “It’s like they’re asking us to break that rule.”

Emma laughed heartily. “That security guard sure is nice to look at.”

“Graham, yeah he’s a bit of a straight arrow. He’ll flirt but I’ve never so much as even been able to convince him of a blow job. And he reports everything back to Regina, so I would tread lightly there.”

“Shame, he’s easy on the eyes.”

“Trust me, wait til you meet the men in our group session. They’ll have you wet and ready before you even leave your seat, I spend most of the session squirming in my chair, but then I’m also a sex addict so maybe it’s just me.”

“You can actually be addicted to sex?”

Ruby shrugged, “Yeah it’s a thing. Hop says I spend too much time worrying about my other vices and not enough looking at the reasons behind why I feel like I need sex all the time.”

Emma had never really enjoyed sex. But then she’d only ever been with Neal, so she didn’t have a lot of experience to compare it to. “So, what’s this Dr. Hopper like? Anything I should know?”

“He’s a nice guy, but not much gets by him. He asks more questions than you’ll be ready for. Best just to answer and move on.”

“We’ll see about that.”

Twenty minutes later, seated across from the curly haired doc and Emma understood what Ruby meant about his number of intrusive questions.

“So why do you think you are here?”

“Isn’t it obvious? My dad is pissed at me and sent me here for punishment.”

“Why do you think your dad is mad at you?”

“Embarrassment, not obeying him, and three thousand other stupid reasons he gets mad at me every day.”

“Why do you think he would be embarrassed?

“Why would you do this Emma?” “Why do you care?” “Emma, I’m your father, I just want to understand why you would get involved in any of this? You knew how bad this would look if you got caught.” “Ah yes, what you actually mean is how bad it would look for you.” “Drugs, breaking and entering, stealing…Emma? Why? Why didn’t you talk to us?” “Don’t start acting like you give a damn now. This is the first time I’ve seen you in three months.”

“He’s David fucking Nolan. Do you know how much money he paid just to keep my arrest out of the news?”

“Do you think he might have been protecting you?”

She laughed loudly, thinking about how absurd it sounded to her. “His business is his number one priority. Trust me, he doesn’t want anyone to find out about my…” She stiffened. “My uh, arrest.”

“You were arrested for breaking and entering, as well as possession of a schedule 2 substance, is that correct?”

She laughed. “It was a joke. We broke into a hotel of one of my dad’s competitors. Stole some cash.”

“We?”

“Um, a friend.”

“Were you also doing drugs with this friend?”

“Well, he wouldn’t be a friend if he didn’t share his drugs.” The joke fell flat as the man stared at her, making a note in his book. “Look it wasn’t a big deal.”

He flipped through the pages of her file. “You were high on cocaine the night you were arrested, is that correct?”

“I know, what a cliché, rich kid arrested doing coke.”

“It says in the report that you were the only one arrested. Where was your friend?”

“Took off. Gotta look out for yourself, right?” Emma chewed on her nails uncomfortably.

He paused and she braced for more questions about her friend but was surprised when he moved on. “How long had you been doing cocaine?”

“I dunno, a few years. Everyone was doing it at parties, its not a big deal.”

“You spent 11 months in jail, isn’t that correct?”

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Did something bad happen in jail?”

Emma flinched.

“Emma you can do it. One more push.”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.” She yelled, crossing her arms, and staring out the window. “Actually, I’m done talking at all today.”

When he became resigned to the fact that she had no intention of answering any more of his questions, he released her from the session. She stormed back to her room, unsure how she was going to survive this place. She hated being drilled and questioned by someone she didn’t even know.

God, she needed a drink.

She threw herself on her bed and groaned loudly.

“Told you the questions were brutal.”

Emma looked over at her new roommate. “What do you do around here for fun?”

The girl grinned. “Wanna get your heart rate up?”

She leaned onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow, her head cradling into her hand. “Somehow I don’t think you mean that in a way that is actually interesting or fun.”

“Come on. Trust me.”

She begrudgingly followed the girl through the hallways until she yanked open the double doors and paraded into the large gym.

“Ok you definitely lost me at physical exertion.”

“I said to trust me.”

She grumbled as they both walked over to the treadmills. “I don’t understand how exercise equates to…”

She gestured toward the opposite corner of the gym. “Nothing beats a good work out when you have something like that to look at.”

Emma watched the man remove his shirt and she grinned in the direction of her roommate. “Ok I’ve learned to trust you. You do know where all the fun is around here.”

“That’s Jefferson. Hot as hell, great in bed.” Emma stared at her, mouth standing open.

“You’ve had sex with him? Here?”

“Oh yeah, got a week of solitary for it but it was worth it.”

Emma increased the speed on her treadmill when two other men entered the room. The one Graham had called Jones with the blue eyes and smug attitude and a shorter man striding beside him.

“Oh, he’s new.” The girl sang beside her.

“Apparently it’s his first day. Graham called him Jones. Real asshole though.”

“Oh, even better, those are the best ones in bed.” She pointed to the guy next to him. “That’s Will. He’s hilarious, only got him to kiss me once, he has a fiancé waiting for him at home. Boring. Just don’t listen to a thing he says.” She laughs. “Compulsive liar.”

Emma watched as Jefferson greeted the two men. He lifted his shirt above his head and Emma felt her mouth go dry staring at his chest, a patch of dark hair trailing down into the waistband of his sweats.

“One hand, never done anyone in that situation before.” Ruby whispered.

The man stood in the corner, lifting one of the weights with his right arm, glancing in their direction. Emma increased the speed on her bike again, feeling the sweat starting to roll down her back. She swore she saw him smirk in her direction and she felt the fire between her legs start to burn. She broke eye contact with him, focusing on the numbers moving in front of her.

“Hello ladies.” She turned to see the one Ruby called Will approaching them.

“William. Fancy seeing you here.”

“Ruby Red, baby, glad to see you are back in general. Who’s your friend?”

“Will, Emma. Emma, Will.” Ruby introduced them, her voice coming out in strained breathes as she ran next to her.

“Lovely to meet you, I’m Will. Though you may have seen me on television.”

“Sorry, don’t watch a lot of television.”

He frowned and Jones approached them. “We meet again, Swan.”

“How unlucky for me.” She punched the stop button on her treadmill and slowed her pace as the machine came to a crawl.

“Was it something I said?” He laughed as she grabbed a towel and slung it over her neck.

“You breathed.” She groaned.

“I don’t believe we’ve met.” Her roommate stepped off her treadmill and held out her hand to Jones. “Ruby.”

“Pleasure is all mine, lass. Killian Jones.” He greeted.

“Aren’t you that pirate?”

“Aye, busted.”

“I knew it! Did you know that was him, Emma?” She squealed.

Emma stared at the two of them. Pirate? She squinted her eyes, staring at the man. She had no idea who he was. “Sorry, no idea, don’t care, honestly.”

He sauntered up beside her, dropping an arm around her shoulder. “Perhaps you know me by my more colorful moniker, Hook. Captain Hook?”

She grabbed his hand and plucked it off her shoulder. “Delightful and also ridiculous, but Sorry haven’t a clue who you are, don’t care for fairytales.”

“Never wanted to be a princess then, love?” His arm now sliding down around her waist.

She grabbed him by the hand, twisted in his grasp and pushed him to the ground, whipping his wrist behind his back. “I told you, I’m not interested.”

He laughed. “You sure about that, love.”

She leaned closer to his ear. “You couldn’t handle it.” With one sweep he wrapped his leg around her and flipped them over, his body pressing into hers.

“Perhaps you’re the one who couldn’t handle it.” His tongue clicking in her ear. In an instant her body caught fire at the tone of his voice, and the feel of his body on hers.

Asshole.

Her knee met his groin in a fury, and she felt him tense above her, rolling to his side with a loud groan. “Bloody minx.”

She stood up and peered down at him. “You deserved that.” She looked back at Ruby who was in the midst of a giggling fit. “Let’s get out of here.”

The girl wrapped her arm around Emma’s waist. “You are going to be so fun to hang around.” She laughed. “I bet you are amazing in bed.” Emma glanced sideways at her, not sure if she was hitting on her or just making a remark. “Would be worth a week in solitary to find out.”

Yep, definitely flirting with her. This place was going to be interesting.

[andrewknightley]

5 works tag game

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

Tagged by @ogaferoga

1. Destiny’s Playthings  (here the english translation) 

Destiny’s Playthings is a original story I’m writing, wich is based on an idea I had for a very long manga when I was a teenager. I tried to draw it when I was young and did like 4 pages and gave up because it was too ambitious. 10 years passed, not doing anything with it, and then I decided to write it as a ilustrated book instead of as a comic. I don’t think I’m specially a good writer, and is harder for me than drawing, but I’m can’t be prouder of anything than this story. I always feared I left proyects behind, but I’m happy to know that no matter how many years pass, that I can just pick them up and give them life. I didn’t start this on 2020, but it was this year when I finished book 1 (with 29k) and had half of book 2 written. And I’m so happy!! My teenagers ocs are alive!! I have like 10 people reading my story and commenting on it!! It’s the best feeling ever, and this story make me really happy and really helped me survive this year in the worse moments. It’s something I’m doing 100% for me and in honor of teen!me and it just feels nice to do something 100% appealing to yourself.

Anyway the story is an action/adventure medieval fantasy story about 2 characters, Dorward, a man accused of murdering the king that runs away from the law with his best friend, and Vainilarinne, a young girl that lost her parents (they are not dead just in another place) and helped a man about to be hanged to escape his execution, believing him to be innocent. 

2. Fake Trailer Glee Animatic - If I had my Time Again (Kurtofsky/Sebofsky)

I always dreamed of doing all kinds of animatics but I NEVER finished any of them! Then like some kind of energy spirit possessed me and I did this in like, 2 weeks. The experience didn’t repeat itself, sadly, but I really had fun doing this fake trailer animatic of one of my fave characters ever, Dave Karofsky from Glee (he has 0 screentime in the show but he is a main character in my heart) 

Also it was so fun to do!

3. Edeleth Kiss Animation (FE3H)

I learned animation to make my fave wlw ships kiss. That’s my power that’s why I have it that will be how I will use it. Also I discovered how to do coloring with sketchy lines and I’m so fucking happy cause I hate doing clean lineart unless people are paying me for it. 

4. Luther vs Gravity (TUA)

I had a friend telling me they didn’t like Luther until my cute fanarts of him where she saw him in a new light. I’m just drawing him to push my agenda of Luther love to convert the haters, now you know my secret. Anyway just for that I’m like hell fucking YEAH the power of cute fanarts 

5. I can’t choose anymore is too hard

Ok now in the 5th part I’m really like “I love all my drawings equally” so I’m just going to leave here my OCs tag and also my TUA fanart tag cause I have done so many of it and also a Dave Karofsky art tag cause that was my year basically 

Now I tag @ktfranceebee @starkurt @sambuclay @animaliae @missnnobodius and whoever wants to do it because I like seeing your cool art and writing and stuff again >:3 

[ardenttheories]

thank you so much for your davekat post 😭 I honestly have a lot of the same feelings about rosemary (pre-hs^2 bullshit). it feels like they just threw in the lgbt relationships and were like "!! everyone's okay and happy now! :D don't think too hard about it though ;)"

Honestly? I think that’s exactly it. You see it a lot in how Dave and Karkat are in the Epilogues, but they’re almost there, together, just for the benefit of other people? As if they no longer exist as individuals but as a unit - which isn’t inherently bad, of course, but you could swap Dave and Karkat around in dialogue and you’d have basically the same conversations.

They’re not their own people with their own thoughts and opinions. Even when you love someone, you often have something different to them. My boyfriend and I both love Buzzfeed Unsolved, but for different reasons (he loves learning how they did it and freaking himself out over the murder aspect, and I love trying to figure out how they got to the theories and what tools they used to try and catch the killer, if any). With Dave and Karkat, their writing comes down a lot to “well they like the same thing because they’re dating :)” with... no actual development on that. 

A lot of them being together also ruins their prior relationship in the dumbest way. Like, with the retcon? We lost so much of their personalities. Instead of Dave and Karkat being dicks to each other, Dave supplexing Karkat and them fighting over drawing dicks on a book, all we do is see them... sitting on a sofa. A lot. 

Which, again, isn’t inherently bad, but the first set of actions has more of their personality in them! You can still do that stuff when you’re in a relationship!! 

My boyfriend once accidentally made me cry because I freaked myself out over a video and it was so late at night that when he played the audio I Lost it. And you know what he did? He laughed! He couldn’t stop laughing even as he said, “oh, baby, I’m so sorry!” 

My boyfriend used to accidentally call me mom sometimes. You know what I did? I started yelling “excuse me??? Excuse me??? Do I LOOK that old to you???” through my laughter as he tried to embarrasedly shut me up. 

He calls my dad “daddy” because he thinks it’s funny. I tell his grandma that I love her more than him whenever she’s on the phone. We laugh at each other’s antics and we joke around a lot more because of it. Like, I can’t tell you the amount of times “oh, your dad’s on the phone? HEY DADDY! HEY!!! HEY DADDY I LOVE YOU!” has lead to the wildest conversations with my family, or how often “MEEMA!!! MEEMA I LOVE YOU MOST!!!!” has led to me and her poking fun at my boyfriend as he bemoans that everyone hates him. 

Like, you can love someone and still be dicks together. You can still love someone and muck about, have fun, make each other laugh. That’s actually an incredibly important part of being in love, I think - you have to enjoy their company and enjoy being yourself and having fun around them. You don’t just lose that when you’re in love. You don’t suddenly settle down, become demure, lose all of your individual personalities to be a unit that does... almost nothing together. 

And that’s what I see a lot in canon DaveKat. All of the scenes that made them unique, that made them feel like a real-life, three dimensional couple, is erased during their canonisation. They stand next to each other, yeah, and they talk, sure, but they don’t have a lot of the same antics as they used to - the things that make them who they were, especially together. 

We don’t always see them talk about the things that really matter, either, which you do with your partner. We don’t see them talk about anything that’s really bothering them at all - to the point that they break up in Candy, and just end up so fucking bland in Meat. Like. Yes, they kiss - that’s great! But aside from the “man they really want to kiss, huh?” tension that they have going on, they don’t actually feel like a couple. They don’t feel like people who have been in love for several years.

It’s, again, just really bad writing of a MLM couple. It’s like they didn’t know how to write them, so they just went the most bland and basic way they possibly could with it. Which is frustrating, because they wrote John and Terezi’s interactions perfectly fine in both Candy and Meat, with both of them still dicking around with each other and having fun, and having actual conversations together, so... why couldn’t they have done the same to Dave and Karkat?

You’re right, too. They did the same thing to RoseMary. How much of their initial interactions were based solely on them having fun together? Poking and prodding and showing care and affection as they slowly fell in love? It was beautiful to watch them over the duration of their conversations, as antagonisation became fun, as fun became care, as care became love. 

But then a lot of that silliness goes. They’re hit by the same demure flaw that Dave and Karkat are, but it’s objectively worse because Rose and Kanaya are canonically confirmed to be together for a significant amount of time prior to them actually seeing each other on the Meteor. So when they’re together and it sort of... fizzles on the romantic side? It’s so strange. 

I can honestly remember more of Rose’s exposition on random bullshit than I can on her feelings towards and conversations with or about Kanaya. Likewise with Kanaya about Rose. Which might just be a straight man underestimating how much gay people will talk about their partners, but I also think it’s the Heterosexual Writing that’s coming to the fore in a lot of places. Maybe Hussie did his best, but Hussie isn’t MLM or WLW, and it really shows. 

I personally prefer RoseMary a lot over DaveKat, because there’s genuinely more there to enjoy and to see your representation in, and it’s also one of the best early ‘10s LGBT+ relationships ever written - especially to be popularised on the scale it was. There’s a lot more that could have been done - in both ships - and I think seeing canonical representation done even better more recently (such as Rupphire) makes the hindsight on RoseMary a little bittersweet. 

[axemetaphor]

wwwhats up its 430am I cant sleep and I dont think I've ever done an annoying headcanon ramble for jdate on here so here we fuckin goooo I'm on mobile but I'm gonna try my damnedest to do a read more and if it doesnt work and looks stupid well sue me

amy is the one routinely awake before the other two. I dont mean shes always the first one to wake up, but her back pain is more likely to have her up in the early hours of the morning. shes also the only one who has anything thay resembles q sleeping schedule of the three as john is just like, completely fucked in that department and Dave's insomnia/depression-sleeping fucks him over sometimes. basically amy Has A Brain and also lost likely schedules it so that she can be falling asleep as her pain pills take effect.

amy also is the one who's like fairly into self care stuff like fuckinuhhh face masks and shit—look, I dont inow jackshit about self care, but I mean amy strikes me as the kind of person to actually maintain her appearance in a fairly regular manner. john will just like "forget" to take care of himself and then just Be Decadent for a week and then "forget" again (either going on a bender or just actually being normal for once) and all dave knows of self care is "when I get the urge to eat an entire pie, and give into that urge, That is self care"

anyways Partially because of that I headcanon Dave gets acne like Pretty Much All The Time and hes just kinda stopped caring about it. amy gets acne Sometimes because it just like Happens. john is that one lucky motherfucker who just is somehow naturally immune. perpetually clear skin on this man. I hate him

also dave Kind Of strikes me as the kind of guy fuckign "3 in 1" shampoo is targeted towards the man just Does Not Care. other girlfriends have tried to get him into actually using different kinds of soaps and not just defaulting to "3 in 1 wherever I think soap should go" but its amy who actually succeeds in breaking this terrible habit hes had.

also I think that Despite his hair being described as frizzy and all that, John actually takes care of his hair. except for times when hes Less Than Functional. and also yknow when the world is fuckin ending but I doubt anyone really has time for a haircare routine when they gotta be fighting monsters and shit

amy again is just a normal person about hair. but shes the only one who can actually cut hair and tbqh I think she does it Pretty Well! shes no professional but shes not john either that's for sure (if you let john close to your head with scissors, well— it's your funeral, man)

this is completely projecting and also like totally Useless but I just think it would be funny if Dave has exploding head syndrome. if you donf know what that is it's a phenomenon-or-something where right when you're dropping off to sleep your brain just liek idk gets bored I guess? and comes up with some phantom Loud Noises to startle the shit out of you. it's great! and by 'great' I mean terribly annoying! but in general I think Dave is a Very restless sleeper so him suddenly flinching himself awake isnt exactly Abnormal.

amy sleeps like a normal human being Mostly, I think she Might be one of those sorts who likes to sleep curled up in the fetal position which is so very valid. she gets night terrors sometimes though because ✨trauma✨. the best way to comfort her with that is a tight hug cause I feel like her Main fear would be that shes all alone again and a hug sure does help people feel less alone I think,

john either starfishes out when he sleeps (also I headcanon he likes to sleep at least Partially on top of Dave and Dave only pretends to hate it) or grabs hold of something and clings to it tightly. hes a very light sleeper, though, and snaps awake at any loud noise or especially if he gets bumped into too strongly. this doesn't always play well with Dave's restlessness and tendency to Sleep Fight but they manage.

I feel like its fairly common to Assume john has tattoos but specifically I feel like a lot of his tattoos are things he or his friends have drawn, I wrote about it Once Or Twice but maybe not here so I'll just like say it again, I think he asks his friends to draw shit on him then goes and gets it tattooed later (or, hell, right then and there lmao) and it's like a Mark of Friendship. he claims Dave has drawn the most on him because Dave's his best friend but whether or not that's true, who knows. the first one was from Dave, though, and john did it himself stick-and-poke style the night of. that happened while they were still in high school and Dave was actually Slightly Embarrassed because what he doodled was just like really stupid looking and fuckin hell john now you're gonna have that on you forever what the hell man? but the rest of John's tattoos, if not done by friends they're either things he drew (I maintain he still draws in his downtime I love the idea of artistically talented john so much-) or weird shit he found online.

I honestly didnt think Dave would really get tattoos because he does state hes afraid of needles BUT as someone Also afraid of needles who paradoxically wants tattoos .. he could probably power through it and get like A Few. one of them is from John (stick-and-poke style, again,) and I am Not actually sure how many hed have but definitely less than John. amy only has that one tattoo that I keep forgetting when I draw her godfuckendammit-

John is the one who makes the most Food Monstrosities (Dave barely even bothers to cook) and he does this by making just the worst decisions both technical-wise (as in, hes Definitely the "just turn the oven temperature up to speedrun cooking" kind of guy) and taste-wise. dave on the other hand is likely to make terrible drinks like jack daniels + mountain dew which my buddy Ben so fantastically dubbed "jack and piss." the sheer Concept of jack daniels + mtn dew tho is thanks to that one kurtis conner video about becoming a country boy which is entirely unrelated but everyone needs to know. ANYWAY.

john and Amy like playing pranks on each other (and dave). they're in an ongoing low-key prank war and Dave is Mostly just spectating but sometiems they Conspire to commit mischief against him. it's annoying sometimes but ultimately more endearing than it is annoying so he never gets Too mad.

john and Amy absolutely have Gaming Nights(tm) that sometimes include dave as well unless they wanna play some like fps game, I'm fairly sure hes said he doesnt really like those. but they also can get Competetive which, dave tends to act as a bit of a buffer to keep them from getting Too into it ... but sometimes he gets a little competitive too. what I'm trying to say is them playing mario kart is absolute chaos and also an event i woudl buy tickets to

john has a youtube channel for sure. he is So obnoxious. he hardly has any audience because let's be honest his videos kind of suck— they're all either kinda boring vlogs or him recording the cases he and Dave go on (when he can convince Dave to let him) which are almost always declared Fake by the commenters. amy is subscribed to him. dave probably doesnt even have/use his own YouTube channel so he was not subscribed until john stole his phone and did it for him. (he never watches the videos) the videos are not edited much, I dont think any of them really knows too much about video editing shit.

dave cant fuckin do math.

John and Dave do Not know how to handle crying. like Dave's learned what helps Amy, in specific, but anybody else? clueless. Dave also just does not cry very often in general (shut up lemme project again LMAO-) and tends to just refrain from doing it even if he wants to/probably should, rarely ever actually breaking down and letting it all out; he'll stop himself from getting there/even crying much in the first place. he doesn't exactly have a Reason for it or at least not one he can recite (it's the bullying. we dont get details of how that was beyond The Locker Room Incident which I wont go into but I'm just going to project the rest of it was similar to shit I went through, It's The Bullying). John also kinda Doesn't Cry and actually hes even more restrained about it than Dave, because he won't even cry around either of them if he can avoid it and if it happens he 1) will Not address it, 2) prefers no one else acknowledge it, and 3) will Run The Fuck Away if it's acknowledged. they both try Really Really Hard to help amy when shes crying though, if shes crying for a Big Reason, cause they both also understand she just cries easily and doesnt always need or want comfort.

that,s all for now BUT if I come up with mroe. there will be a reblog. also these are not all like "I am the only one who's ever tho ig ht this" or w/e a lot of them are from me talking with other people or Absorbing much older posts on here because I read Everuthing I can find.

I sure hope I can sleep soon, this is probably mostly incoherent. gnight

[zontiky]

Okay but au where they're not all related and five is a mysterious orphan Diego keeps running into at odd hours of the night and then him just being like "fuck it he's like 13 he can't be out alone at night" and then just takes him home like a godamn stray and five is THRIVING under the positive attention he never had I beg of you please feed my soul. Also sorry if this doesn't make sense I've had 2 hours of sleep and like 8 coffees today

i think i’ve read a fic similar to this but FUCK YEAH let’s do this (sorry im so late btw i havent been feeling bullet points lately fksjdfks) ALSO HEY OP PLEASE DON’T DIE I HOPE YOU’RE OK??? 

so diego is still a cop and he’s patrolling or doing whatever it is that cops do, and then he sees a kid sitting in an alley

obviously he pulls over like “hey kid you okay?” and the kid is like “shut up go away bootlicker” and diego is instantly “okay then come on im taking you to get food”

the kid doesn’t want to go but at the same time diego can tell he knows that there’s really no better options. this child looks hungry

so the kid and diego go to griddy’s and the kid says his name is five when asked

“that’s not a name”

“is too”

diego+fam have a long history of trauma and reginald called them by number which was their birth order or something? idk OH SHIT WAIT YOU SAID NOT ALL RELATED OK OK COOL SO

luther is a mechanic who diego knows because he’s the dude who’s often the one repairing his car, they’re on pretty good terms and go out for coffee sometimes because luther hates alcohol and diego’s body is a temple so he doesn’t drink

diego is diego he’s a cop but he’s highkey broke and i really don’t know how much cops get paid? hm

ok google says from 34.6k - 89.4k a year and numbers mean nothing to me so lets say he’s just a gremlin who lives in a boiler room because it’s efficient

OR he’s still dating eudora and lives with her

you know what that’s probably the better option i’m gonna go with that. they don’t have as much childhood trauma even though none of the “siblings” come from exactly good homes? but none of them were raised by reggie mcfuckface so it’s less like,,, bad even though they’re all fucked up

WAIT DO THEY HAVE THEIR POWERS

HELL YEAH THEY HAVE THEIR POWERS

ok ok so luther is a mechanic who uses his super strength and endurance to just fucking carry cars around his garage and i know NOTHING about mechanics as a profession but but but luther is good at what he does

diego is a cop who lives with eudora and throws knives like a boss. he also throws tennis balls really hard because stabbing people on duty isn’t advised

you know what? i’m gonna say allison ISNT a movie star, shes a smaller actress with minor roles here and there because she’s a mom and spends time with claire. she doesn’t use her rumor as much because honestly she doesn’t see a reason to? like sometimes she’ll go “i heard a rumor you gave me a free shot of coffee” and like,,, that’s it shfskd

her and patrick are still divorced but that’s because they did it the healthy way. they knew they were drifting apart but instead of rumoring him they broke it off mutually and they still meet up for coffee. they’re friends ok. claire loves her parents

klaus! klaus has problems but because im a soft bitch dave is here in 2019. he’s… also a mechanic…. they all know eachother but dave knows luther and diego pretty well. luther via work and diego via luther

yes klaus! so klaus has a history of drugs and addiction, because while he wasn’t shoved into a mausoleum ghosts screaming at you all the fucking time doesn’t help with staying sober

but because he has a support network he can fall back on he’s doing well, he’s a barista in a coffee shop that allison and patrick & diego and luther frequent

shoutout to klaus

five is an orphan he’s 13 and small and kind of a genius? fuck what if as a kid five accidentally time-traveled to 2019 and thaT’S HOW HE BECAME AN ORPHAN 

galaxy brain

so five is this kid in the wrong time living on the streets not knowing how things work

i mean he does obviously because he catches on quick and he’s smart but really he doesn’t know how some shit works ok. he’s clueless when it comes to technology and pop culture and shit

ben!! ben is alive!! he’s a part time writer and a full time librarian!! he knows klaus because during his homeless days klaus stuck around the library because free bathrooms and also reading to take his mind off the ghosts. they become really close and ben gets klaus to move in with him and then he’s trying to get sober and then ben’s car crashes and that’s how they meet luther and dave OHHHH

additionally: klaus illustrates some of ben’s books because he knows how to draw yay

vanya! she’s first chair in the orchestra and she’s dating helen cho because i say so

so vanya kicks ass at violin, she’s being gay teaching lessons all that good shit what more is there to say

harold isn’t here because there was never an umbrella academy

hmmm back to the,,, actual plot,,, im sorry sksfhdjsk

SO DIEGO FINDS FIVE RIGHT

AND HE’S LIKE “oh no this child is awakening my paternal instincts oh no i have to take him home with me now”

eudora opening the door to see her husband boyfriend with an angry looking teenager at his side: dear god what did you do this time

eudora instantly bonds with five and i mean INSTANTLY like she lays eyes on him and goes “child?? small?? looks lonely?? must protect” and five looks at her like “badass looking lady she probably knows what shes doing might as well ask for info and stuff” but hes actually thinking “oh dang she looks like she knows what she’s doing RESPECT” and yeah ksdjhsdkf

then five expects them to be mean or just get tired of him and kick him out but?? they dont??? wack

diego is instantly like “kid where do you live”

‘um’

“you live somewhere right???”

‘UM’

they find out he’s legally dead and thats another can of worms entirely

so they register and foster five

diego and eudora are registered foster parents you cannot change my mind alright

then five is introduced to luther and dave, and also ben and klaus because theyre hanging around the shop bc it’s their off day

so five instantly has 4 more people giving him instant love and validation and he’s like “woah”

THEN ALLISON AND PATRICK

claire too,, claire immediately adopts five as her older brother

this entire time five is like “i can’t stay im gonna leave soon you all know this right” and eveybody is “yep ok sure” but they all know hes gonna stay

hhHHHH GAME NIGHTS

five beats everybody at scrabble

diego beats everybody at darts, even though everybody calls him out for cheating

vanya beats everybody at musical chairs. she levitates the chairs so nobody can sit down

luther beats everybody at outdoor games. do not play tag with this man you might not make it out alive

allison is the QUEEN of blurt! 

ben is so good at charades it’s unfair

klaus honestly sucks at board games, but he always wins uno and nobody knows how (its the ghosts skfhsdkf)

five is so confused because its obvious all of them are cheating but??? nobody cares?? what

“it’s because it’s fun nobody is actually upset”

whaaaaaaat

so they have to explain to him that they dont play to win they play to have fun and its just a fun thing they do to spend time together and bond

five: mind blown

THEY TAKE HIM TO AN AQUARIUM

BEN JUST CHILLS WITH THE OCTOPI THE ENTIRE TIME

FIVE BONDS WITH CRABS

THEY ALL LOVE SEALS

five gets exposed to modern culture!! klaus and ben teach him memes is what i’m saying 

five goes to school!!! he makes friends!!!! they have nice sleepovers and diego and eudora make them cookies :’)

i want to say. okay so.

reginald exists and he had made grace eariler as preparation for the children he was going to adopt, but he died before he could buy any babies

so grace exists! and!! she knows the “siblings”!!!

so five has a grandma because im not going to lie grace is basically all of their’s mom

she lives in the mansion but she can go outside and DO THINGS and she makes them COOKIES and she LOVES HER KIDS and GRANDKIDS and five ADORES her ok

basically five is happy with his pseudo family that’s it thank you for your time

wait no actually he figures out how to time travel safely and he does go back and forth

sometimes he pops in and he’s like “hey we ran out of milk” and then a second later he’s like “for the love of god wait until tomorrow to get milk dont ask why you dont wanna know” and its obvious that he came back from the future and HHHHHH YES

the commission can’t do shit because found family love is simply too strong

hazel and agnes are the nice couple who run griddys and birdwatch

five is fond of them too honestly like he just loves going to griddys because it has so many happy memories for him and its where he met diego (sorta) and also yay hazel and agnes!!

SO YEAH BASICALLY: FIVE IS HAPPY AND THIS AU IS GOD TIER THANK YOU

THIS IS A GOOD ONE I LIKE THIS AU THANK YOU

[homespork-review]

Homespork Act 1: The Note Dawdling Tension Plays (Part 1)

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, 2009, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

CHEL: Here we see the first page, and are introduced to our protagonist, ZOOSMELL POOPLORD! Sorry, I mean John Egbert. The joke names used as a running gag, and also the actual names which end up applied to the characters, were the suggestions of the players of the original forum game.

BRIGHT: Homestuck does start out strongly in several ways. It immediately establishes the protagonist and location. It sets the tone it will use, one based heavily on a text adventure computer game. It introduces the reader to the inventory system...

And here the first feature of Homestuck becomes apparent: although a hugely popular and widely known webcomic, it is very slow to get going. The new reader who arrives on the recommendation of others ends up scratching their head and wondering if they’re in the right place.

TIER: In ancient times (so somewhere in 2014/15) I actually attempted to read Homestuck to see what the occasional weird noises the name caused were going on about. I'm very certain that I didn't even make it to meeting any of the other kids I was so bored.

CHEL: Same here. It took me two or three attempts to get to that point. The problem is that the intro is left over from its days as a forum game, in which no one was expecting it to lead into the epic story it became. It worked great for that format, but less well now. And here we start on our first counts.

GET ON WITH IT!: 1 HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 2

How Not to Write a Novel lists multiple errors which could be said to apply here:

The Waiting Room - wherein the story is too long delayed Here the writer churns out endless scenes establishing background information with no main story in sight. On chapter 3, the reader still has no idea why it’s important to know about [the background info, in this case how badly John fails at using technology]. By chapter 7, the reader would be having strong suspicions that it isn’t important, were a reader ever to make it as far as chapter 7. Zeno’s Manuscript - in which irrelevant detail delays narrative momentum Any scene can be killed by description of every meaningless component of whatever action the character undertakes. As in Zeno’s Paradox, in which an arrow never reaches its target because it must always travel half the remaining distance, the reader begins to feel as if the end is further and further away.

A comic about a kid failing to master a video game inventory system is mildly amusing once, but not when it drags on this long, and it’s not particularly fitting for an epic adventure involving the fate of universes. Well, that’s not quite fair; introduction to mundane life and slow revelation of the magical goings-on works fine for books like the Harry Potter series. But, to take Philosopher’s Stone as an example, multiple different odd things happen over the course of Uncle Vernon’s regular boring day, increasing in scale until it’s very clear something strange is going on, and establishing multiple aspects of the wizarding world, e.g. owls, their fashion, the existence and disappearance of a mysterious villain, the fact that the wizarding world is supposed to be secret.

John fucking about with his sylladex and putting up movie posters for page after page doesn’t tell us anything new. Failing to use the sylladex once would be enough to get the point that magical video game inventories are a thing in this world and John’s not very good at using them across, and then we really ought to move on, and we can already see the posters on his walls so we don’t need to see him hanging more. Possibly we could have needed the latter in a purely text format where we couldn’t see the walls, or in a comic without text description at the bottom where attention would need to be drawn to them on-panel. Admittedly, it does establish him picking up the hammer, which becomes relevant, but we don’t need a full page each for both the action of him picking up the hammer and the action of him hanging the poster.

… Who hangs a poster with nails, anyway? His walls must be in a hell of a state.

For that matter, that’s another HNTWAN entry or two:

The Second Argument in the Laundromat - a scene which occurs twice NEVER use two scenes to establish the same thing. We do not, under any circumstances, want a series of scenes in which the hero goes to job interviews but fails to get the job, or has a series of unsuccessful dates to illustrate bad luck in love. This works in the movies, where three scenes can pass in thirty seconds, but not in a novel. The Redundant Tautology - wherein the author repeats himself If you have made a point in one way, resist the temptation to reinforce it by making it again. Do not reexpress it in more flowery terms, and do not have the character reaffirm it in dialogue […] This point is worth repeating; don’t reiterate. HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 4

Additionally, people with a lower tolerance for “lovable clumsy dork” characters are going to come to hate John before the comic’s even started, though it’s probably best that people who are going to hate the main character learn that quickly so they can leave. I can understand not wanting to lose the forum game which originally spawned the comic, the other people involved would probably not be pleased, but perhaps it would be better saved as a side story and trimmed down when the comic proper was released. At least they could be compressed down by showing multiple failures and multiple poster-hanging actions on single pages.

One other minor gripe might be the neologisms, such as “sylladex” meaning inventory. I found it fairly easy to pick up and it does make the tone and narration nicely distinctive, but it’s a level of extra complication. How Not to Write a Novel has a couple points on excessively baroque wordplay - do you guys think it’s worth giving it a point for that?

BRIGHT: Possibly not in this case - wordplay is a feature of HS and this one is at least made fairly clear. There are plenty of offenders later on as I recall though...

CHEL: Okay, seems fair. In this case it is more of a feature than a bug. It does establish the narrative voice and add to the video game theme. However, the movie posters also bring up an addition to our third count.

Plus, a black president? Now you’ve seen everything! WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 1

A reference to the song “White Suburb Impressionism”, by IAMX…

"IAMX - 'White Suburb Impressionism" (Watch on YouTube)

… this count goes up whenever characters behave in a way which suggests they’re, well, white and suburban (or wealthier), despite any attempts to present them otherwise. This would have passed without comment, but Hussie later tried to claim he’d always intended the kids to be “aracial”, so any reader could project themselves or their preferred headcanons onto the kids. As we’ll show you, we don’t believe him, or at least don’t believe he succeeded. That would probably be difficult to pull off, anyway. Race affects a lot more than features on a stylised sprite.

FAILURE ARTIST: Now, I can’t quite put my finger on it but John’s and Dave’s opinion on black presidents in movies (that it’s a gimmick ruined by Obama’s election) feels like something that would only come out of a white mouth i.e. Andrew Hussie’s. Not the most egregious case of implied whiteness but still worth noting.

CHEL: The point of the joke here is not 100% clear, and that’ll be a thing which comes up later as well. See, I agree that’s Dave’s opinion, but I thought the point was that John genuinely didn’t know there was a black president at the time of writing because he’s already been established to be not exactly a genius and so far he’s been focused on movies and video games instead of real life. Maybe I’m underestimating him, though, since admittedly not very much of him has been shown at this point and it’s been a while since I read the whole thing. I’m not going to start using the ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY count here, though, because here Hussie clearly was trying to be funny. It just isn’t clear to me what about it was supposed to be funny. That’s probably my autism talking, though. Jokes are hard. I agree that it sounds like a white kid’s opinion either way - even the dimmest black American kid would know Obama existed, and so most likely would non-black people of colour.

Anyway! Things pick up a bit when John, under the username ectoBiologist, starts chatting to the second character to be introduced, currently known as turntechGodhead, though the second topic of conversation is a reference to a 1989 movie which, as time goes on, will be familiar to fewer and fewer readers. Luckily, the writer realises this, and the content of the conversation makes the reference sufficiently clear without falling into As You Know dialogue.

FAILURE ARTIST: Namely, their conversation is about a scene where - pardon me for being gross but it’s in the comic - a character accidentally ingests urine instead of apple juice. John and TG are surprised the character knew it was urine but I find it weird that someone with working smell would not know what it is. Urine has a distinct odor.

CHEL: Well, be fair. According to the drawings, the characters in question don’t have noses!

FAILURE ARTIST: On a more pertinent note, this conversation is an edited version of one Hussie and a friend had. Perhaps Hussie was TG? TG is practically an Author Avatar for Hussie. Sure, Hussie literally appears in the comic later, but TG seems to fit his true personality better. We’ll see how that affects things for better or for worse.

BRIGHT: This is also the reader’s introduction to the Pesterlog. This is one of those things that seems like it should be out of place in a webcomic - it’s just a page of two people talking to each other in chatlog format, with no other information - but the Pesterlogs actually work surprisingly well.

FAILURE ARTIST: When I first read Homestuck, I didn’t know you had to click on the Pesterlog to open it. I just sat around wondering what amazing conversations they were having. I’m not the only one I think who made that mistake.

CHEL: Yeah, I think I briefly had the same problem, but I don’t remember for sure. Possibly more attention could be drawn to the button.

TIER: I would've probably ended up in the same boat if the friends that recommended I read Homestuck didn't specifically tell me not to accidentally overlook them!

CHEL: That’s not exactly a writing error, so I’m not sure it falls under our jurisdiction, but it’s a point that ought to be brought up. The Pesterlogs do work well once the reader actually sees them, anyway. It’s actually pretty interesting to see how much information can be conveyed in a conversation without falling into As You Know Bob. Let’s check what points are introduced in this first one, for example:

- John really loves what he got for his birthday, a Little Monsters poster. From this we know he’s not spoiled (this is how you do it, Meyer) and easily entertained, and likely has a good home life, as he’s so happy and grateful about a gift from his dad.

-turntechGodhead has apple juice in his closet. This establishes his odd home life, and gets explained in more detail later.

- Some things about the personalities of both kids. John is enthusiastic and a joker, TG is mellower, sarcastic, rambles a bit, and at least plays at being cool.

- John really wants to play the SBURB Beta, a game mentioned earlier which is late being released. TG is less keen, again trying to be cool about it.

- Said game got “slammed” by critics, despite the fact that we learned earlier from John’s SBURB-logo calendar that this game has been hyped to hell and back and must be popular, with merchandise and reviews being released before even the beta version of the game is out. Something weird is going on; someone really wants a lot of people to play this game.

Not bad considering a total lack of body language reference or narration. Das Sporking’s seen authors using traditional narration do worse!

FAILURE ARTIST: The (adult) critics of Game Bro get into shenanigans that prevent them from playing the game they reviewed. Perhaps there’s something in the game that prevents itself from being played by adults, just like how adults can’t pilot Evangelions in the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion.

CHEL: Not sure. Doesn’t one of Dad’s online friends play it, or at least get caught up in it, later on? Though that part’s obviously supposed to be a joke… Maybe instead it’s a built-in way to stop anyone who might be listened to warning others what it does?

As established earlier, said beta is late; this is a reference to the originally planned launch date of the comic, three days before it actually ended up being released. Also, there’s a pun you may have missed in the background. The programming files on John’s desktop include the phrase “^CAKE”. The ^ symbol is called a carot. Get used to noticing those. It’s pretty amazing how many references, self-references, puns, and recurring themes are worked in, and people such as revolutionaryduelist have made semi-careers picking them all out. We won’t bother with all of them or we’ll be here all century, but we’ll pick up on any obvious ones.

FAILURE ARTIST: Hussie majored in computer science so there’s lot of computer science in-jokes in the beginning.

BRIGHT: Something I just noticed: One of the other files on John’s desktop is ‘TYPHEUS’. It even has a Denizen icon! Probably something that has been brought up plenty of times before, but still nifty on a reread.

CHEL: Typheus and Denizens will come up later in the comic.

TIER: When he feels like it, Hussie is immensely good at foreshadowing later events in pretty subtle but solid ways. It's stuff like this that makes times when he does fumble look worse than they probably are in comparison.