#fun fact: this chapter contains the first canon use of the fuck word

[teamconductors]

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Lost Tracks of Time, Chapter 21

Summary: The team just needs to take care of some last-minute stuff before they enter the Coronet Mountain dungeon to go to Spear Pillar.

Author’s Note: For the non-AO3 people, you should know that this chapter’s title is “They Need Therapy.”

Thank you @furiouskettle for turning the twins into Sneasels!

(Shippers DNI)

The Pearl Guild was in chaos. The halls, usually bustling from teams held off from their duties due to recent events, were empty. New scratch marks and loose papers littered the rooms. Outside the main buildings, various teams scrambled about while collecting supplies. Some prioritized healing items while others stocked up on food.

Kleavor and Ursaluna talked with Irida, so that left Arcanine and Avalugg to deal with the teams. Arcanine acted like a messenger and delivered meals from the kitchen to the teams. The meals arrived in record time without spilling a drop of the curry. Avalugg, not having as much experience and mobility, settled on listening to the different team’s troubles and strategies.

At the training grounds, Sneasler, Ingo, and Emmet met with Chandelure and Eelektross to explain what they learned and why they needed to get to Spear Pillar. Dishes from their meals were stacked off to the side.

“Okay, that explains some things…” Eelektross held a hand under his chin. “But I don’t get why we’re bringing Emmet...”

“Not you, too,” Emmet said, betrayed. “I am getting better.” He took off his coat and unwound the bandages around his chest. His gem no longer looked like it wanted to disintegrate off his chest, but it more closely resembled Ingo’s forehead gem state when Emmet first saw it.

“Emmet, can you even stand right now?” Eelektross asked.

Emmet, who sat on the training ground sidelines next to Ingo, stood up. He also reapplied the bandages.

“…Okay. But can you walk?” Eelektross asked.

The Sneasel proceeded to walk around the grounds with his straight arms and legs swinging about. “I am Emmet. I am ready.” And then he proceeded to trip over his own feet.

“Emmet!” Ingo and Sneasler jumped to attention.

“I am fine!” Emmet pushed himself up into a sitting position. His knees and palms of his hands were scraped. “I only need to remember how to walk with these claws.”

“That’s a little concerning… But you’re doing better than when Ingo’s gem cracked…” Eelektross briefly wondered if it was because of which gem cracked. “But still, if you all are right and the pokemon responsible for this mess is at Spear Pillar, Emmet needs to rest instead of risking himself.”

“We are a team, and I am in the team,” Emmet said. “You can come with us if you are worried.”

“What?! Of course, I am! Did you really think I wouldn’t go with you?” Eelektross’ body sparked from the accusation. “I just don’t agree with the decision…”

“I understand your safety concerns, Eelektross,” Ingo said. “But fret not. Emmet is strong enough for the trip! I know it!” Despite his usual expression, Ingo’s frown quivered as he held back tears. His gaze even turned to the side.

“THAT’S IT!” Sneasler grabbed Ingo and Emmet by the scruffs. “You two. We need to talk. You other two, just hang out here or something.”

She carried them off to a clear corner of the guild grounds, far away from the others. It provided the team a view of the western half of Sinnoh up to Eterna Forest.

“Sneasler, what did you want to discuss?” Ingo asked as he and Emmet were sat down.

Sneasler held her hands flat together and held them in front of her mouth as she thought of how to say her thoughts. “…Why are you two like this?”

“What, us being Sneasels? Well, based on Emmet’s recollections, we were attacked while travelling through time, and that seemed to have triggered a transformation,” Ingo said.

“No. Ingo. You’re a pokemon rescuer. Why the hell are you devaluing yourself when we need to rescue another pokemon?” Sneasler asked. “Like, forget that it’s Giratina. This is just another mission. You helped – no, you’ve saved lots of pokemon already. Why are you doubting yourself now?”

Ingo’s eyes widened. “Well… I… see where you’re trying to steer this conversation, Sneasler.” He fidgeted with his hands. “I don’t disagree with your assessment, and yet…”

“And yet?” Emmet repeated.

Ingo paused to collect his thoughts. “It is difficult to believe that someone with a mind held together by ‘duct tape and rusty screws’, someone whose main role is to assist others, someone who failed in carrying out a mission and needed backup in the form of another chosen hero, could… do what needs to be done today. Even my own body failed upon a minuscule amount of stress recently!” He pointed to his forehead gem.

“Oh, Ingo…” Sneasler sighed – not out of frustration but out of pity. Sneasler pointed at Emmet. “Hey, are you okay with hearing Ingo devalue himself and you taking his role?”

“I’m not okay with it.” Emmet glared at Sneasler. Though his smile stayed on his face, his eyes showed that he wasn’t. He accepted Ingo’s offer to be the hero to ease Ingo’s stress, but Emmet realized that it wouldn’t make Ingo better.

“Then tell him that.” Sneasler pointed at Ingo and at the ground.

Emmet looked at Ingo. Though it would be hard for anyone else to detect, Emmet recognized the look of concern on his brother’s face.

“…I want to defeat Volo and rescue Giratina. But I want you to be with me,” Emmet said.

“Is that because of “my” duty, or is that because of your anxiety?” Ingo asked.

Emmet’s heartbeat spiked. “You’re not wrong. My anxiety is a major reason.”

“Oh, by the Almighty, why are you guys like this?!” Sneasler asked. “You guys were so determined and confident!”

“I blame Arceus,” Emmet said. Arceus took Ingo and sent him to a location where he couldn’t succeed as himself. Arceus’ cruelty led to his own spiral into mad depression when he was human and dissociation from his transformation into a Sneasel. Emmet just wanted to protect what he cared about, but Arceus sharply derailed their original courses.

“Who the fuck cares about Arceus?! You’re Ingo and Emmet! I’ve seen what you little shits can do. Emmet: you said you’d work on your anxiety, so prove it! You like spiting people, so do it to spite Arceus or Volo or yourself, whatever works! Ingo: you may not have directly saved the world in Hisui, but I can tell you without a bit of doubt that you helped a lot of people anyway! So what are you two gonna do? Sit in this station and drown in sorrow or are you gonna do what you always do and kick ass?!”

“…You are right, Sneasler, and I always appreciate your worry for our safety and well-being, and I do want to be better,” Ingo said. “But I can’t repair my issues as quickly as you think, most certainly not in time for this mission.”

“I know that! I know it’s not easy! I know it’s not quick!” Sneasler’s fur stood on its ends. “When Mom died… I… was not great. I was an ass. I pushed Dad away… If it wasn’t for Electrode…”

Sneasler paused upon seeing Ingo and Emmet’s great interest and concern in her story and realized how much she was pouring her heart to them. “My point is, I know it’s not easy. Emmet, you need to ease your anxiety. Ingo, you need to build up your confidence again. The question is, will you two do it, like I know you can?”

The twins were left in silence to ponder.

Naturally, Ingo broke the quiet. “I’m sorry for attempting to assign my responsibility to you, Emmet.”

Emmet nodded. “Sorry for accepting it.”

“I do want to accept the responsibility, which I think is why I was nervous about not being qualified,” Ingo said. “…I want this to be my next destination. I want to conduct us to Spear Pillar with speed!”

Emmet truly smiled, and his eyes appeared to sparkle. “Yes. We should defeat Volo!” Even though he couldn’t say it well, hearing Ingo devalue himself hurt deep within him. Emmet cared for Ingo, but he only recently remembered how long and how much he looked up to him. To see Ingo look down when he was supposed to look up…

“Yes! Let us rescue Giratina!” Despite his heart racing, Ingo found himself happy from accepting his new destination – not because Arceus or the Nobles told him to, but because it was his choice.

“And I’m gonna keep an eye on you two so you actually make progress, got it?” Sneasler moved her point between both twins.

“Understood,” Ingo and Emmet said.

“Well, that decides that…” Eelektross and Chandelure listened to the entire conversation despite Sneasler’s efforts to give them privacy.

“But for now, shall we make our last-minute preparations and depart?” Ingo asked.

“Yeah. Even with the Distorted floor stuff and me climbing the mountain to skip some of it, it’ll be a long ass trip,” Sneasler said.

“Team Conductors!”

Ingo and Emmet looked toward the voice. It was Irida, and running up with her was Chatot, Lian, Palina, Calaba, and Gaeric. Chatot held something wrapped in cloth with his mouth. Lian and Gaeric both balanced woven baskets on their heads.

“Lord Kleavor and Lady Ursaluna told us what you lot are doing,” Chatot said. “These are from Riley.”

“Coronet Mountain is a big ol’ dungeon, so I got you fellas some apples for the road, too,” Lian said.

“And I got you some meds! Gotta stay healthy and strong,” Gaeric said.

“Please come back in one piece. I do somewhat miss your presence in my library,” Calaba said.

“I noticed that your friends don’t have any accessories, so tell me what you think of this.” Palina grabbed from her satchel an insomniscope and a special band. She gave the former to Eelektross and the latter to Chandelure.

Chandelure used Psychic to drape the band around their arms. It looked like it would slip from their wireframe at any moment.

Eelektross tentatively put on the specs, barely fitting around his face. “Now I really feel old…”

“Ah, that’s right! My and Emmet’s caps are customized to increase our strengths, but we never got the chance to get you two specialized equipment,” Ingo said. “We can ask Anthe for assistance once we are done with our mission.”

“Sneasler needs a cap, too.” Emmet pointed at his hat and grinned even wider.

“No, I don’t!” Sneasler said a little too loudly.

Irida stepped forward from her group. “Ingo and Emmet… As Chatot mentioned, we got a briefing about your journey to Spear Pillar, a location no rescue team has reached since it got swallowed by the impossibly vast Coronet Mountain mystery dungeon. I don’t think I can begin to understand the magnitude of your mission, but all the teams here will follow ours to rescue everyone trapped in the dungeon. On behalf of the Pearl Rescue Guild, we wish you luck on your journey and mission. And on behalf of myself… you two and your team is something else. Out of all the places we all can be in this vast world we live in, I’m glad we met!”

“Irida was the leader of the Pearl Clan, and the other Wardens for the Nobles were Lian, Calaba, Palina, and Gaeric,” Sneasler said.

Ingo gave the other pokemon a smile and took the other gifts. “Thank you, everyone. Do not worry. Team Conductors will reach our destination! Is there anything you would like to add before we depart, Emmet?”

Emmet nodded. “Follow the rules. Safe driving! Follow the schedule. Everybody smile! Check safety. Everything's ready! Aim for victory! All aboard!"

***

At Mt. Coronet, Sneasler with her basket of Sneasels climbed the mountain with expert precision. Eelektross and Chandelure flew next to her, barely capable of keeping up with her speed. Though the area around the guild was cool but comfortable, the chill in the air grew stronger as they climbed higher.

Though Emmet was the most accustomed to the cold, he shivered as he remembered his trip with Elesa, as well as their arguments. The last thing he saw of Elesa was her horrified face…

“You know, I think Chandelure and I could carry you…” Eelektross said.

“Why? Does it look like I’m going slow?” Sneasler asked as she practically hopped with each step.

“N-Never mind…” Eelektross had to consciously fly faster than his normal pace to stay with Sneasler, so he decided not to argue back.

“Hey, guys, wanna know something funny?” Sneasler asked. “Where we’re headed is pretty close to where I found Ingo.”

“Is that so?” Ingo asked.

“Wild, right? …Funny thing. I remember seeing a black spot on the mountain and thinking, “Oh, that kinda looks like that one Warden’s coat from here”. And then I got closer and was like, “Wait, that actually looks like his coat, that’s weird.” You can probably guess what I was thinking when we met and you told me your name. Dunno how I kept it together back then…”

“How ironic. You knew more about me than I did!” Ingo said.

As Emmet’s memories waned in their anxiety-enduring control over him, he thought of the promise he made to his siblings to better himself. “…Ingo, I want to explore some of the dungeon without you,” Emmet said.

“You want to try our strategy now? Are you sure?” Ingo pointed to Emmet’s bandages.

Emmet nodded. “I am Emmet. I am sure.”

“…Very well. I imagine Eelektross would want to go with you and Chandelure with me. …Sneasler, would you please keep an eye on Emmet?” Ingo asked.

“Sure, I guess,” Sneasler said.

“Thank you, Sneasler. And Emmet, would you like the normal map, or would you like to use the Arc Watch?” Ingo asked.

“The watch is yours.” Emmet took the watch off his wrist and offered it to Ingo.

“…Oh. Right.” Ingo placed the watch back on his wrist. It fit perfectly, and he noticed the map of the outside of Mt. Coronet. “I suppose it is mine, after all.”

Sneasler focused on climbing as fast as she could. Eelektross focused on keeping up with her as the air’s temperature dropped as he rose. Chandelure happily followed everyone without a care for what happened when they reached their destinations.

This left the twins in a comfortable silence and allowed Ingo’s mind to wander through the scraps of his memories. Then he recalled the memory the Lake Trio showed him.

“…Emmet, you saw the Lake Trio’s vision of Volo, correct?” Ingo asked.

“Yes,” Emmet said.

“By any chance… did you feel a chill down your spine during the vision?”

Emmet’s eyes widened. “Yes, I did. You did, too?”

“A spine chill? Like, I know the guy was creepy but-“ Sneasler stopped climbing for a moment once the realization hit her. “I’m sorry, are you two suggesting that the Lake Trio was ambushed by monster houses?!”

“Do have an alternative reason for both Emmet and I experiencing the spine chills we receive from detecting monster houses?” Ingo asked.

“They would’ve said something about being attacked by several pokemon!” Sneasler continued climbing once she realized she stopped.

Emmet’s eyes widened. “I had a strange thought. You both remember when you were chained and almost chained?”

“Don’t remind me.” Sneasler felt a twinge of pain in her heart.

“I heard a voice when I was removing Ingo’s Chain,” Emmet said. To be more exact, it wasn’t a literal voice but a will from within the Red Chain. But he did hear its voice.

“Was it Volo’s?” Ingo asked.

“Nope.” The memory was vague, as he was simply focused on trying to prevent Ingo from falling to the Red Chain. But he remembered that voice, and it was not the Beheeyem’s monotone voice.

“So… he’s not alone?” Eelektross said.

“It appears so!” Ingo said. “But if Volo is not acting alone, then who is helping him?”

“We will find out,” Emmet said.

***

“H-Here it is!” With one last pull, Sneasler launched herself up onto a ledge.

Eelektross and Chandelure followed her and found themselves in front of the mouth of a cave. The impossible darkness inside absorbed the light of the sky, shrouding the inside of the cave from view.

Eelektross shivered. “Th-this climb b-better have been wwworth it…”

“We b-basically just skipped half the dungeon,” Sneasler said as she took off her basket. “…S-Still have a hundred floors to go, though.”

“Thank you for saving us time on our journey, Sneasler!” Ingo said. Staying inside Sneasler’s basket for the climb kept him warm. When he and Emmet stepped out into the cold, Ingo stiffened up but had his coat to keep him relatively warm.

“Y-You’re lucky you got the b-best climber on your side,” Sneasler said.

“Chandelure and Eelektross flew up here,” Emmet said. Ingo proceeded to cover his brother’s mouth with one hand.

“Y-Yeah, and Eelektross is a couple of degrees away from turning into the world’s largest popsicle. Can’t believe I’m thankful for Chandelure…” Sneasler saw Chandelure smiling and almost bouncing in the air as they approached her. “D-Don’t let that get to y-your head!”

“Once we enter the dungeon, we cannot change course. Is everyone prepared for departure?” Ingo asked.

“P-Probably should have asked that when we were at the guild,” Sneasler said.

“Astute point, but I was referring to mental preparations,” Ingo said.

“Follow the rules and drive safely! We are headed for victory! All aboard!” Emmet marched into the cave entrance, followed by Ingo, Sneasler, Eelektross, and Chandelure.

Team Conductors entered the Coronet Mountain mystery dungeon.

[shadowsandshapes]

FFTB | CH 12: Trojan Horse Tactics (Dabi/F!Reader)

Summary: Shigaraki sells you to the Shie Hassaikai. But you're aware this is part of a bigger plan. All you have to do is keep your poker-face on. Contains: Explicit Language, Discussions of Abuse (Eri's Situation), Overhaul Slander (lmao, not serious), Canon-Typical Violence

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Getting the upper hand in a dispute or a fight often depends on how creative you are. Making do with what you have is an important skill to cultivate. So is finding value in things or people that, at first glance, don’t seem all that impressive. Something that looks like a problem can actually be a blessing in disguise if you figure out how to best utilize it.

 Shigaraki was very familiar with that concept. 

The second you divulged the details of your Quirk to him on that first day, he knew you were something special. Was he using you? Absolutely. But you were a willing participant in his deceit. You knew exactly what you were signing up for by joining him for this meeting.

Shigaraki lied directly to their faces. And you were in on the joke this time.

Well, not really. That was a bit of an oversimplification of the situation. He knew better than to lie outright during the negotiations with the Shie Hassaikai. Kai Chisaki was sharp, clever and dangerous. Lying to a man like that was a quick way to shoot yourself in the foot if you were trying to establish a good rapport. Overhaul had to trust that his alliance with the League was genuine. 

Bending the truth or omitting details was still fair game though. 

Tomura had already agreed to loan Twice and Toga’s services to the Shie Hassaikai. But there was one more piece on the board that had yet to move – you. Shigaraki desperately wanted you here as a part of the negotiations. The reason for that was gradually becoming beginning to reveal itself. You were a little impressed. Often times people poked fun at Shigaraki for his childish nature – but you had to admit, the man was quite clever when he wanted to be.

“Gotta say, I’m surprised you insisted on bringing an escort with you,” Chisaki started. “What can this one do? She don’t look like much but looks can be deceiving. I never know with you people. Telekinesis or a healing Quirk, maybe?” Overhaul’s casual dismissal of your appearance did sting a little but you shrugged it off. Chalk it up to his lack of social tact. This guy was a piece of work, wasn’t he? Not one to mince words for the sake of personal feelings. It didn’t matter – but fuck was it rude. You wondered how anyone stuck around long enough to stay loyal to him with an attitude like that.

“She’s lucky,” Tomura said – taking note of how Overhaul’s eyes widened ever so slightly at the revelation. Bingo. You were being dangled in front of him like a grand prize to be won. And it was working like a charm. The value of such a unique ability was not lost on the Yakuza leader. Having irrefutable luck on your side was a game-changer after all. Now all Tomura had to do was embellish the nature of your skills a little bit. “As long as she’s here with me – you can’t touch me.”

Bad things will happen if you do.

Shigaraki didn’t say that part out loud. The implication was that your mere presence was enough to keep him safe. In a way, he wasn’t wrong. The fact that you caused trouble for everyone else around you was a lie of omission. One that would undoubtedly come back to bite Overhaul should he decide to take Shigaraki’s bait.

You sat beside him, quietly watching the exchange. The role you played was much more akin to that of a piece of home decoration. Rather than Shigaraki’s witness – which was technically what you were here to do. He had instructed you not to interfere. Just to watch. So you did as you were told, observing as he sold you off to the Shie Hassaikai for the sake of the plan. His pitch had been pretty solid. You knew Shigaraki was leaving out the details of your Quirk on purpose. Without its obvious drawbacks – it’s a very powerful ability to have. One Overhaul wouldn’t be able to resist. You watched the man in question fidget and weigh the options in his mind. 

Every glance and gesture Overhaul made in your direction had your hair standing on end. High alert. The idea that you might be spending time near him soon turned your blood to ice. Your entire body and mind rejected his presence. Like he was invading something personal to you by just existing in close proximity. Cold and harsh – his eyes seemed almost clinical in their assessment of you. Chisaki took your measure in pensive silence. You knew what he was seeing. Nothing much. A harmless young woman he could bend to his will. That’s all anyone ever saw before you joined the League.

Go ahead – think what you will.

Overhaul’s dismissal of your personal strength of will would lead to the glorious downfall of the organization he spent years protecting. You bit the inside of your cheek as the urge to smile surfaced. The pain was enough to deter you for the moment, but it took no small amount of energy to keep your poker face on during the rest of the meeting.

“I want her too.” There it was. As predicted.

“No way,” Shigaraki’s objection was immediate. Pure bullshit, of course. You had to hand it to the guy – he wasn’t bad at playing pretend. The poor suckers had no idea they were being set up for failure. “She’s my insurance, why would I risk parting from her side? You’re taking a lot of liberties with your demands for a guy who killed one of ours. You’ve got droves of disposable thugs on your side but every member of the League is precious to me. The girl included.”

“I don’t want power like that where I can’t see it. The girl stays with us for a bit. Take it or leave it.”

A tantalizing ultimatum. Tomura pretended to be annoyed – hummed and hawed about the issue for a bit but ultimately relented. He couldn’t give in too easily. Dramatics made for such wonderful stories. “This is a big ask, Overhaul. I hope you appreciate the sacrifices the League is making for your organization.”

The man leaned back in his seat – satisfied golden eyes honing in on your face. You wanted to hurt him for looking at you like that. “Oh, I do. This is the start of a very fruitful relationship – I assure you.”

It would be. Just not quite for him.

Inaction in the face of injustice is the worst kind of cruelty. 

It was unbearable to watch – the way they treated this little girl. What was her name? That’s right. Eri. 

You couldn’t recall anyone calling her that name with any kind of affection. What was essentially a basic human right was treated like a formality by these people. They used her blood to fuel the production of the anti-Quirk serum, experimented with it, and in return showed her no genuine kindness to speak of. 

It had only been a couple of days since you’d joined the Shie Hassaikai’s ranks but when the depth of their depravity was revealed to you, you were about ready to demolish the place. Including everyone associated with them and their disgusting experiments. The image of Eri strapped to a medical slab engrained itself into your memory, her whimpering cries of agony driving you crazy. She was helpless. Reduced to being nothing more than a lab rat when she should be outside, playing with other kids her age and enjoying life. Far away from whatever nightmare she had been trapped in. You stood at her bedside as the medical personnel concluded their test results and reported their findings to the big man himself. It broke your heart to play pretend in front of her. A child should be nourished and cared for, not poked and prodded for the sake of some grand scheme.

“Don’t touch her,” Chisaki chastised when you placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder in an attempt to soothe her pain. She flinched at your touch, recoiling – terrified eyes darting between you and her wardens. “Unless you’re looking to get killed, of course. People die around Eri, you know?”

The little girl sniffled. You clenched your jaw and bit the inside of your cheek.

People died around you too. Placing blame on a little girl and her Quirk was low. Disgusting behavior perpetuated by men too manipulative to care about anything but their own needs. Eri wasn’t responsible for the way her abilities worked – but Overhaul used this fear to his advantage to keep her obedient. The people in your past had done the same. You couldn’t call him out on it without blowing your cover though. That hurt the most right now. Despite the pain in your chest, you nodded, stepping away from the girl.

Kai Chisaki was by far the worst offender but the fact that no one told him to stop was just as sickening. 

Part of it was fear. 

No one wanted to be disintegrated over a dispute after all. Several of its members had already met a cruel fate in the short time you’d spent in their care. The Shie Hassaikai was nothing like the League in that regard. The League protected their own to a ferocious degree. They disagreed sometimes – but it was never a matter of life and death. Overhaul, on the other hand, destroyed opposition within his ranks without hesitation or remorse. You couldn’t stand it. The fake smile you were forced to wear whenever he was around tasted increasingly bitter. Toga and Twice were delegated to doing other tasks while you were left to decorate Chisaki’s arm, so you didn’t even have them to rely on.

He was still under the impression that your Quirk worked by proximity after all. The closer you were to him – the more he would benefit from your Luck. What he was doing to that girl was unforgivable. It took a lot of restraint on your part to let him touch you at all. Those were the hands of a monster in human disguise. A man so quick to sacrifice the life of a child for personal gain. Kai Chisaki made you feel sick, violent and angry. Each time he dragged you along to do his bidding, all you could think about was slapping the back of his head with something heavy or sharp. Preferably to a lethal degree. 

You wouldn’t shed a tear if the bastard never got back up again.

Patience was key though. Shigaraki had made that very clear. When the time was right, you would pull the rug out from under the bastard. For now, you waited and played the part of the obedient piece of arm candy. Sticking to his side, you followed Overhaul like a shadow. As long as he was under the impression you would make him Lucky, you would be kept safe from his volatile tendencies to deconstruct his underlings for every minor mishap. 

Still, when he finally dismissed you to do private business, you were grateful. Finally able to breathe freely again without him looming over your shoulder constantly.

You were even more elated when you spotted your fellow League members lounging around in one of the underground rooms of the compound. Toga and Twice had been kept busy doing menial things, though neither of them had the displeasure of being carted around by the big boss like you had. Their presence was enough to make you sigh in relief. You found comfort in them – your strange little family. Seeing them turn their heads to greet you, smiling, never failed to make you feel grateful for the gift you’d been given.

“Hey look who it is!” Toga waved you over with a smile. “We were worried about you, you know? Having to spend all that time with Overhaul must suck…”

“Tell me about it,” you said, flopping down onto one of the couches. “The guy’s nuts.”

“He’s not too bad – Can’t stand him!” The duality of man, or rather the duality of Twice, still caught you off guard sometimes. Like right now for instance: you couldn’t imagine anyone calling Overhaul not too bad. Still – his comment coaxed a laugh from you regardless. That was something you sorely needed after spending time in Eri’s prison cell – sorry, medical room.

“How’re things on your end?” you asked, keeping your question vague enough so any listening ears would not suspect foul play. “Everything going smoothly?”

“It’s okay. I’m real bored though. Nothing exciting ever happens around here. Someone should shake up the place, y’know? Have a little fun.”

You laughed at Toga’s interesting choice of words, nodding along in agreement. Now – wouldn’t that be something? “I know what you mean. I almost miss setting shit on fire with Dabi.”

Giggling as she cupped her own cheeks to soothe her blushing skin with cool hands, the blonde leaned on the side of the sofa to observe your face. “You just miss that flaming asshole, period. Admit it.”

“I do miss him. Once this is all over I can’t wait to see him again.” Your eyes drifted from your companions for a moment as you thought of reuniting with him, a small dusting of pink rising to your cheeks. His promise still rang in the back of your head.

“That is so cute!” Toga was positively beside herself with glee. The girl’s face was flushed bright red as she kicked her feet and giggled. It was kind of flattering to see her be so excited about your relationship with Dabi. “Let’s hope we can wrap up this job soon s–”

Your conversation was cut short when the twin doors swung open, clattering against the wall with great force. Its hinges groaned and creaked, buckling under the sudden impact. 

A small group of individuals made their way into the rec room, your eyes widening when you recognized one of them. And subsequently the rest of the trio as well. Toya Setsuno glared at you over the edge of his plague mask – a glimmer of recognition festering into anger. You knew what that look meant. He remembered you from that night and brought back-up. Two other members from the Eight Bullets covered his flank. None of them looked happy to see you.

Toga glanced at you and grinned, the reflection of light against the knife hidden in her cardigan gleaming against her pale skin. You shook your head quietly – discouraging her from engaging with them. Waiting for you to say the word, her fingers brushed over the handle of the weapon. Resting there until someone made a move. Magne’s shadow loomed over your shoulder in that moment. You knew very little of the woman whose shoes you had filled – but you did know one thing: Overhaul was the reason she was no longer with the League. He had killed her without hesitation and Toga held that grudge tight to her chest. She would maim them to protect you. Merciless in her quest to prevent another sister from vanishing. You had to remind her that Overhaul would not let them hurt you. Trusting in the idea that Shigaraki was right about his interest in your Quirk. 

Despite the faith you had in your leader’s plan, the tension in the room was palpable and, for a moment, you feared the gig was up. Then…

“Boss wants to see you in the lab,” Setsuno said, almost barking the sentence in your direction. “Don’t make him wait.”

You glanced at your companions and nodded. Twice and Toga say nothing but begrudgingly accept your departure. They kept their eyes on the trio by the door as you passed them by. Whatever this was – you will handle it. Despite your outward confidence, leaving your friends behind with the Eight Bullets did make you feel uneasy. 

As capable as you knew they were, you couldn’t help but want to stick together.

A buzzing in your pocket distracted you from your oncoming confrontation with Overhaul. He could wait two more minutes, couldn’t he? You fished for your phone as you made your way toward the lab. Smiling, you stared at the text displayed on your home screen. A message, reading loud and clear:

Unknown Number heroes gathering outside, omw D

9:38 ✓✓

This charade wouldn’t last much longer now.

A/N: Very plot-heavy chapter~ my apologies! Don't worry, Dabi will be back soon, my beloveds (:

Taglist: @kelin-is-writing @dynamars @dabislittlemouse @simpysheep @ohnoitsthatonekid @tonysttank @dabislittlesluttyprincess @when-you-are-just-done @dabislittlebeaniebaby @themythicaldisaster

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[levi-my-beloved]

Birds of a Feather

Chapter 5

Pairings: Canon!Levi x F!Reader

Content Warnings: Violence, open wound (minor), smut, oral (m and f receiving), thigh riding, fingering, unprotected sex, masturbation (m), virgin!Levi, virgin!reader, mutual virginity loss, tooth rotting fluff, gets a little angtsy towards the end.

Word Count: 13.2K

Summary: You were the most notorious criminal in The Underground City. With your organisation of highly skilled professionals, only one man could take you down. He also happened to be Humanity’s Strongest... and your ex.

Previous Chapter

First Chapter

Series Masterlist

A/N: oh my god picking out those words and selecting them individually to bolden them cuz tumblr doesn’t know how to copy and paste correctly was TEDIOUS. it gives the effect i wanted but jfc tumblr learn how to copy and paste bold and italics jeez. this was definitely the most fun chapter, as you shall see. this was supposed to contain more than just smut but i got super carried away and it would have been like, 22K if i paired it with the next one, so the next chapter will take a little longer, but i’ll make a post about that separately after this one. hope you all enjoy!

18+ MINORS DNI

𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔

“Levi?! You fucking idiot, you could have died!” it was the last thing you’d expected to come back to after a few days away. After spending some time with the strange man who took you in three years ago, Viper, he called himself, you were excited to come back to the small house you had with your best, and possibly only, friend outside The Nest.

What you weren’t expecting was to find him, propped up against the small wooden table in the centre of the room, shirtless, slowly bleeding out through his shoulder. You didn’t know where the other two were, and in fact, that was your first question.

“Where the hell are Isobel and Farlan, and why the fuck haven’t they sorted you out?” you stormed across the room, setting your bag down on one of the kitchen chairs before assessing his injury.

“First of all… I didn’t die. Second of all… shit… they’re out buying ODM parts after Isa’s shitty landing the other day, and th-fuck-thirdly, this only happened today. They’d just left when I got back,” Levi grit his teeth as you gently prodded the wound. Shit this fucking hurt. It was a stab wound from a shitty bartender in a shitty part of town who decided he didn’t like Levi’s shitty attitude. Honestly, looking back…

He couldn’t blame him.

You sighed, running a hand through your hair.

“You’re a fucking idiot,”

“You’ve said that already,”

“This isn’t funny, Levi,” you huffed, turning to rifle through the bag you’d haphazardly dumped on the chair. You’d never been so thankful for Viper’s weird yet wonderful survival lessons. Over the last three days, he’d taught you basic medical training. You had no idea how the fuck he knew how to apply a tourniquet or sew wounds, but you never questioned the man. He reminded you of your father in some ways.

Just a little more violent.

“Stay still, it needs to be cleaned,” you brought out a small bottle of whiskey, a gift from one of Viper’s associates. His “Shadows”, or something.

Levi narrowed his eyes as you began taking out various pieces of equipment, and couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows at the expensive looking bottle.

“Where the fuck did you get these things, (Y/N)?” he breathed, glancing between the medical supplies and your face. Levi hated how he didn’t know what you did. He didn’t know where you went for days, and it worried him when you didn’t return when you said you would. He was always worried about you. Instantly missing the warmth of your smile as soon as you left.

“That’s not important right now. I need you to hold still, this is going to hurt,” his face heated slightly as you searched him, that apologetic guilt in your expression made him want to hold you and tell you everything was okay.

But he wouldn’t.

Because you two were friends.

And had been for years.

Despite his budding feelings, he would never cross that line with you.

Unless you wanted to, of course…

“It’s fine. Do what you gotta do,” he responded flatly, choosing instead to find the wooden skirting board incredibly interesting to look at. Much more interesting than your face.

He couldn’t stop the pained hiss that escaped his mouth as the piercing sting of alcohol in a fresh wound clouded his mind for a moment, fist clenching as his eyes screwed shut.

“I’msorryI’msorryI’msorry,” you muttered under your breath, hating every second of pain you were putting him through. But you had to clean the wound, and you had nothing else to use. You silently thanked the man called Wolf for the burning liquor, not expecting to use it in quite a way. Screwing the lid back on the amber bottle, you set it to one side, gently dabbing the torn flesh with a cotton bud.

“Levi, this is going to need stitches. Shit, what were you stabbed with, a fucking sword?” This was one of the things he loved most about you. No matter how dire or stressful the situation, you could always crack a joke, even whilst keeping a straight face.

“Kitchen knife. Pretty standard for the tavern–”

“THAT MOTHERFUCKER AGAIN?” yeah, this wasn’t the first time Levi had been met with problems from that place.

“Yeah, him. Got me good this time,” Levi almost laughed at your look of subdued rage. He knew how much you hated that owner. But that amusement was quelled when your rage was replaced with something he couldn’t quite decipher.

He let the silence drag on as you retrieved a small needle and thread, not even questioning where you learnt how to do this.

“Sorry, this will hurt again, but not as much,” you warned him, your tone having dropped several notches to something almost melancholic. Angling the needle next to the tender flesh, you waited for his nod until you continued, trying to concentrate throughout the whirling guilt.

He’d gotten himself hurt. Again.

And you weren’t there for him.

Again.

“I’m sorry, Levi,” you whispered, pulling the thread through the wound, slowly closing the gaping tear.

“‘S’fine, I didn’t even feel it,”

“N-no, not that. I’m sorry I wasn’t here. Again,” this was the thing he hated most about you. You had a habit of blaming yourself for things you couldn’t control. You always felt like you had to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, and you always felt like you had to do it alone. It always took Levi some time and a long, long conversation to convince you that you weren’t alone.

“(Y/N), stop,” you immediately pulled back, scared you may have hurt him.

“Sorry! I didn’t realise it was hurting, i’ll try–”

“No. Stop,” he took both your hands in his own, making you raise your eyes to him. “You know thinking like that is pointless because I always manage to get it through your thick skull that I am in fact, not your responsibility, okay? It’s my job to get stabbed, to get shot and have random glass bottles thrown at me. It’s what happens when you steal a bunch of shit and sell it on. So quit thinking like you have to look after me. It should be the other way around,”

“Why? Because you’re a man?” your small, mischievous grin told him he managed to get his message across.

“No, brat. Not because I’m a man,” he stopped that sentence there, for he feared if he’d continued, he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from confessing how hard he’d fallen for you over the last eight years.

You took his continued silence as a sign that the conversation was over. He had slightly lessened the guilt constricting your heart as you returned to stitching up the gash. It would definitely leave a scar, since you weren’t exactly adept at using a needle and thread yet, but at least he wouldn't bleed out now.

Finishing the final stitch, you cut the thread with a small pocket knife, tossing the blade on the table whilst you reached for the small roll of bandages. You think Viper would be proud of your work.

“This is about as sterile as we’ll find down here,” you comment absentmindedly, stretching out the bandage and applying it over his shoulder and across chest to secure it. You tried to ignore the subtle blush dusting your cheeks as his hard muscle flexed beneath your touch. You tried to ignore the almost mouth watering sight of his shirtless body when you first entered the room. Fuck, you’d tried to ignore the butterflies in your stomach when he took your hands. Tried to ignore how honest he looked.

You tried to ignore how much you’d fallen in love with him.

But Levi was nothing if not observant. He saw the gentle rose petals blooming across your face, smirking slightly to himself at your reaction. Maybe…

Just maybe…

You two could cross that line.

He found himself missing your presence so close to him when you pulled back to admire your work.

“There. All done. Don’t move it too much because if you pull those stitches, I will hold a knife to your throat and you will apologise,” Levi rolled his eyes at your empty threats, internally chuckling at how over dramatic you could be sometimes. “Oh, and rub this salve into it if it starts to hurt. It’s a herbal recipe, supposed to help numb pain,” you left the small tin tub on the table whilst you continued to repack your bag of the supplies Viper had gifted you.

Levi’s eyes followed your movements as you effortlessly reached for the second roll of untouched bandages on the table. It was such a simple movement, but the way your loose shirt untucked from your leather pants, showing just a teasing amount of skin, had him readjusting how he was sitting. Shit you were beautiful. Since you’d both been managing to gain somewhat of an income, you’d been able to afford more food. He marvelled in the way you’d filled out a bit, your own lithe frame rippling with muscle. Granted, you were still dangerously skinny, but that was to be expected down here.

Packing away the final set of stitches, you collapsed onto a chair, once again running a hand through your hair before cringing at the repeated action. You really needed to stop doing that, or your hair would go greasy.

Looking at the small fireplace kettle, you returned your gaze to Levi, who you noticed was still shirtless, and didn’t seem to have any interest in covering up anytime soon. You felt your face heat up for a second, before distracting yourself with something else.

“Tea? I feel like you could do with one,” you grinned playfully, already knowing he would say yes and rising from your seat.

Until you were forcefully shoved back down.

“I’ll get it. You’ve done more than enough,” Levi felt bad expecting you to make him tea as well, but you just didn’t know when to quit. Removing his hand from your shoulder, you stood up, now close enough to either kill him;

Or kiss him.

“Not happening. You almost bled out a few moments ago. I’m not letting you do anything, shortstuff,” you raised an eyebrow, as if daring him to challenge you. Which of course, he did. But not without smirking at the ironic nickname.

“I damaged my shoulder, brat. I’m not crippled. I can make tea for fuck sakes,” there was never really any malice when the two of you argued like this. It was a more playful back and forth.

It was only when the breath of your laugh reached his face did he realise how close you were and the two of you fell into a strangely comfortable silence, subconsciously admiring one another. Only, his view of your face was slightly obstructed.

Levi hesitantly brushed a strand of hair back behind your ear, his hand hovering by the side of your neck. You could see nothing but admiration in his steely, maelstrom hues. Admiration, and something else you were sure you were reciprocating in your own gaze.

It was only then it occured to you.

And you didn’t know how’d you’d been so stupid to miss it.

Levi loved you.

Just as much as you loved him.

“I was worried about you today,” Levi murmured, prying apart the silence as his hand now rested comfortably on the side of your neck. He hadn’t missed what he’d seen in your eyes. A glassy reflection of his own feelings.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to come back late. I just got caught up in some things,” your whisper carried so much tension he was tempted to grab the knife from the table and attempt to slice the air.

But he didn’t.

Instead, he opted to rest his other hand on your waist, gently pulling you closer to his body.

“Will you ever tell me where you disappear off to?” The question held no weight. He knew that if you wanted to tell him, you would. He also knew that you needed your privacy sometimes, and this was just one of those things you didn’t talk about. He just hated how his mind would race when you didn’t come back.

Your heart was almost beating out of your chest, pulse quickening to something you didn’t think possible as the hand on your waist caused goosebumps to prickle your skin. You learnt into his touch as his palm came up to cup your face, thumb tracing the apple of your cheek.

“One day, maybe,” you replied, your hand mimicking his own as you reached up slightly to smooth over his eyebrow, he in return mirrored your response, leaning into your touch. You stayed like this for what felt like years, until he spoke up again with a question that let loose all the caged butterflies in your stomach.

“(Y/N)... can I kiss you?”

Your lips parted as you let out a breath, unable to contain your smile of pure adoration as you nodded a little shyly.

“Yes,” Levi wasted no time. As soon as you managed to form a response, his lips were on yours. You gasped slightly against his mouth, arms moving on their own to wrap around the back of his neck and hold him close.

The hand on your waist extended to embrace your lower back as your lips moulded against one another.

Fuck, he’d dreamt of this moment for so long. And it was so much better than he ever imagined. Levi elicited a breathy moan as you ran your tongue along his bottom lip, silently asking for permission to explore his mouth. Something he was all too eager to accept, eyes rolling as he felt your slick muscle brush against his.

Your hands travelled to thread through his hair as you subtly pushed him back to the chair he’d stood from. He seemed to get the hint, bringing you down with him as he sat, pulling you to straddle his lap.

You drew circles with your nails in his undercut, once again drawing another delightful, gravelly groan from his throat, lips still hungrily devouring his.

It was only until you felt his hardening manhood grind against your slickening folds did a thought occur to you, and you had no choice but to pull back.

“Shit, what about Isobel and Farlan?” it wasn’t a question he put much thought into answering, especially when you were scratching his undercut like that.

“Won’t be back for a few hours,” he mumbled, before reclaiming your mouth in an ever deepening kiss. You whimpered softly as he began to roam your body with his hands, grasping at your waist as you started to rock gently against his tented crotch, relishing the noises he made.

“Ah– (Y/N), sh-shit,” you peppered featherlight kisses along his jawline, stopping briefly to suck his earlobe into your mouth, his soft gasp only fueling your arousal.

His pants grew to whines as you moved down his neck, suckling and biting where you saw fit, leaving purple blemishes across his soft skin. His lengthy moan set your skin ablaze when you found his pulse point, licking a stripe up his neck before sucking on the sensitive spot.

By now, Levi was painfully hard. Wanting nothing more than to free his aching cock from it’s cloth prison. But you were the one in charge here, and he was more than happy to continue at your pace.

As long as you didn’t take too long.

He started thumbing the buttons on your shirt free, dragging it off your shoulders as you continued to leave marks along his collarbones. The clothing was quickly discarded, along with the bralet one of Viper’s escorts gifted you. Levi didn’t have time to admire your breasts within the delicate lace before it was thrown to the floor along with your shirt.

Pride swelled in Levi’s chest as you mewled against his skin, his hands gently kneading your now exposed mounds. He loved how your nipples instantly pebbled beneath his touch, rolling the sensitive nub between his thumb and forefinger, smirking at your hisses.

“Fuck, Levi– shit that feels good,” your praise only made him harder as you sat up, wanting to feel his mouth against yours again. But Levi had other plans.

As soon as you raised your head from the crook of his neck, Levi ducked down and sucked one of your nipples into his mouth. You cried out, back arching into his touch, hips bucking involuntarily. Levi groaned against your breast, the vibrations only adding to the sensation.

Your hands once again found his hair, gently encouraging him to keep going, his own hand rolling your other bud.

Levi switched sides, showing your neglected mound the same kind of treatment, and you couldn’t stop the stream of breathy gasps and desperate whimpers as he showered your breasts in physical praise, making a mental note of every reaction you made to his touch.

Finally you grew impatient, wanting to show him as much love as he was showing you. Your hands withdrew from his hair and you almost laughed at his disappointed huff around your pebbled nipple.

“Don’t worry, I think you’ll like this more,” your voice wasn’t one you recognised. It was lower, breathier. You’d never heard yourself sound like this before.

But what almost broke your resolve was the sound of his voice, showing you just how much your actions had affected him.

“Oh? But I was rather enjoying myself. I think i’ll just continue doing– oh fuck,” Levi threw his head back, eyes screwed shut in pleasure as you palmed his length through his pants. Shit, your mouth watered at the feel of him. Harder than steel and girthy. You briefly wondered how he tasted, that particular spark fueling your next movements.

Slowly sliding from his lap, you left a wet trail of kisses down his chest, careful to avoid the wound in his shoulder. Your lips nipped at each of his abs individually before continuing down to the prominent V in his naval, tongue caressing the small dips directing you down to your goal, Levi encouraging you every step of the way with his sharp breaths and small groans.

Pushing apart his knees, you settled in between his thighs, grinning slyly as he looked down at you, wide eyed. His expression settled for a moment, hand coming to rest against the side of your face.

“(Y/N), you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I’m more than happy with how far we’ve gone today. I don’t want to force you into doing anything with me if you’re not ready,” your heart almost fell to pieces at the sound of his concerned, yet still gravelly voice. Your coy smile softened to something so genuine and loving, Levi thought he had died.

“Trust me, I want to do this. I’ve wanted to do this for so long, Levi,” you gently caressed his thighs, reassuring him that what you were doing, and what you were about to do, was something you’d longed for.

Levi’s smile was nothing short of angelic. He gently stroked your hair, and despite the heat of the moment, he still managed to make you feel so loved.

“Alright, but if you want to stop at any point, please tell me. I don’t want to make you feel obligated to carry on just because of me, okay?” you nodded happily at his words, giving his leg a small squeeze.

“I promise. Now shut up and let me suck your dick,” Levi laughed breathlessly, tilting up your chin as he leant down to capture your lips in a swift, affectionate kiss.

“You’re filthy,”

“Your fault,” you grinned, subtly fiddling with his belt.

“How is any of this my-ah fuck,” Levi cut himself off as he felt your hand gently grind on his length over his pants, the friction causing him to elicit the most gorgeous whimpers. You could definitely get addicted to the sounds he made.

“Nngh– shit, shitshitshit (Y/N) I– a-ah,” Levi stopped trying to form words as you slowly pulled down the offending clothing, leaving him in just his shorts, cock tenting painfully. You helped him kick his pants from his legs, joining the pile of clothes you’d made as you kept palming his dick. Neither of you had done anything like this before, both being too busy to engage in any sexual activity, but you felt like you already knew what to do. Acting off instinct, you adored his little shiver as you finally freed his length, your own folds slickening at the sight of his leaking manhood.

“Shit Levi, you’re gorgeous,” the compliment slipped out before you could rein it in, Levi’s cheeks heating slightly as your words reached his ears.

“Th-thank you,”

Your eyes took immediate interest in a rather prominent vein pulsing along the underside of his cock, and once again you couldn’t help but wonder how he tasted.

Levi couldn’t think straight. He’d touched himself before, jerking himself off when his hormones deemed it necessary, but he’d never felt anything like this. And when you took a hold of his length, he felt as if every nerve in his body had set alight. His eyes screwed shut instinctively, unable to suppress the breathy moan of ecstasy.

You started to slowly stroke up and down tentatively, watching the different expressions he made. You never thought he could look so needy, and yet here he was, mouth hanging open, brows knitted, eyes closed, a gentle flush dusting his cheeks. You smiled slightly at his breathless pants, taking note of how his breath hitched when you circled his leaking tip with your thumb, smearing his precum across his over his pulsing cock.

His hips bucked unapologetically, back arching into your touch as you squeezed him experimentally.

“Fuck…! Fucking— HAH, a-aah, oh my god… (Y/N), what’re you— FUCK… fuck, ‘feels so— nngh, feelssogood,” Levi’s words slurred as his head lolled back, sweat starting to bead on his brow. He didn’t know what to do with his hands, switching between gripping the table next to him and hovering around your head.

You hadn’t even taken him in your mouth yet, and he was already reacting so well to your touch. You watched him physically relax as you let him go, giving him some time to recover before you’d take it further.

“'M’gonna take you in my mouth, okay? Tell me if it’s too much or if you want me to slow down,” you rested your head against his inner thigh, admiring his fucked out expression as he nodded, his bangs sticking to the slick of his forehead. You could stare at him like this for hours, committing every part of his face to memory. But the temptation to show him how good you could make him feel was far too great.

Leaning forward, you gripped around the length of his cock, delivering a few kitten licks to the tip, relishing in the responsive jolt of his sensitive body. Shit you were wet, it was taking all of your willpower not to reach down and pleasure yourself. You knew your matching underwear was likely ruined, quickly lamenting the loss of such an expensive gift, but that thought was quickly extinguished as you ran your tongue along that delicious looking vein you’d clocked earlier.

“SHIT, oh fuck, ohfuckohfuckohfuck, (Y/N)... shit, (Y/NNNNN),” just as you thought your own arousal couldn’t grow any further, he whined your name and you almost came there and then. Smirking against his dick, you leant forward just a little more, and engulfed his tip in your mouth, slowly taking more of him.

Levi’s hips bucked into your warmth, unable to stop himself as his brain was completely consumed by the sheer, mind-shattering pleasure. He’d decided this was nothing like getting himself off. This was something completely different. This was on a whole other level.

When you had taken as much as you could of his length in your mouth, you started to bob up and down, hollowing your cheeks as you pulled back to suck on his tip, before engulfing him again.

You could have sworn he almost screamed.

“Aaa-ah, you’re… you’re so– nngh, so good at this, HAH-aah, w-wait, fuck, s-slow down. ‘M gonna’– AH, ‘m gonna’ cum,” you did as he asked, taking your mouth of his raging length, gently caressing the base with your thumb as you waited for his laboured breaths to calm.

“Take your time, baby. Let me know when you’re ready,” even in his foggy, aroused state, he was still able to squint down at you with a brow raised at the new pet name. He couldn’t say he didn’t like it though, looking at your swollen, shining lips slick with your saliva and his pearly essence.

“Fuck (Y/N), you’re fucking stunning, look at you,” Levi tenderly held the side of your face, thumb smoothing over your eyebrow as he regarded you with such fondness. He hissed as you jerked his length in retaliation.

“Don’t be so cute, it’s not allowed whilst I’m sucking you off,”

“Technically you weren’t, you were waiting for me,”

“Oh is that how you want to do this?” you eyed him mischievously, and before Levi could even respond, you took his entire, swollen length down your throat, gagging a little at the intrusion before slowly getting used to him.

Whatever Levi was about to say died on his tongue as the tip of his cock brushed the back of your throat. He had no choice but to surrender to the pleasure threatening to shatter his mind, his mouth falling open as you swallowed around his sensitive tip.

“Shit…! Oh fuck, oh fuck, (Y/N)– nngh, haaah, ah, fuck, don’t stop. Don’t… don’t stop,” Levi panted, only just able to form cohesive words as you continue to take him down your tight, warm throat. He sandwiched his bottom lip between his teeth, biting almost hard enough to draw blood.

Tears started to line your lashes as you suppress your gag reflex, swirling your tongue along the underside of his length. Your eyes rolled back as his hands found your hair, not to push you onto him, but just so he didn’t completely lose himself in the pleasure.

The vibrations in the back of your throat as you moaned only heightened the sensation, and Levi wasn’t able to take much more.

“Hhhh, (Y-Y/N), m-move away, i’m -shit- i’m gonna cum, i’m gonna fucking cum!” but you didn’t move, instead opting to moan more wantanly, lapping at his cock and swallowing him down your throat, your hands coming up to rub and cup his rapidly tightening balls. His thighs began to shake as he came undone, back arching completely off the chair. His head was thrown back as you watched his Adam's apple bob through wet lashes.

“Ah, hnng– a-AH, FUCK (Y/NNN)!!” Levi came with a broken, desperate cry of your name on his lips, his salty seed shooting down your throat. His hands tightened in your hair, clinging on for dear life as you milked him through his orgasm, sucking him dry.

It wasn’t until he’d completely emptied himself into your mouth did he collapse back on the chair, breathing as if he’d just run a marathon.

You released him from your mouth with a pop, tenderly kissing his tip clean before rising to check the state of your partner.

“Levi?” you giggled, moving to carefully straddle his lap so you could take his face in your hands. He looked completely spent, head heavy as he lazily grasped your waist. “You alright?” you thought your question fell on deaf ears, until he cracked an eye open.

“Honestly? I don’t know. I think you broke me,” you laughed at his tired, satisfied smile, brushing his sweat slickened locks from his forehead to lean against him.

“Was that okay?” you asked, searching his face for an answer. The grin he gave sent butterflies to your stomach and heat to your already throbbing core.

“Are you serious? Yes, that was okay. That was more than okay. It was incredible,” he gently wiped away any salty tears from below your lash line. “You’re incredible,” Levi leant up to capture your lips in a tender, loving kiss. It didn’t quite have the same heat as earlier, it felt more fueled with adoring gratitude. You pulled back a fraction.

“Who knew you could be so vocal?” you teased with a lopsided smirk, earning yourself a small, playful nip on your lower lip followed by a low, breathy laugh rumbling from his chest.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up brat. Not like I won’t get you back,” you hadn’t noticed his hand had trailed down to the crease in your thighs until a bolt of pleasure shocked your system as he slowly pressed his thumb to your swollen clit. “Speaking of which…” –he whispered, dark eyes searching your own– “Would you mind if I repay the favour?” Levi didn’t give you time to respond before his head ducked down below your chin, licking a long, deliberate stripe up the column of your throat. He smiled against your skin as you began to rock your hips against his hand, moaning and gasping with each movement.

“Mmn, Levi,” you breathed his name like a secret, shivering as he decorated your neck and collarbones with red and purple blossoms, leaving his mark on you.

“I liked the sounds you made when I did this,” Levi’s hand left a trail of goosebumps as he travelled from your waist, up you naval to your breasts, the pads of his fingers rolling the pebbled buds. Your needy cry caused his fingers to grind harder on your clothed clit, increasing the speed as you threw your head back, the pleasure consuming you.

“Fuck…! Levi… ‘need more… ple-HAAH, please,” you whined, lamenting the loss of friction as he guided you to stand. Your confusion was short lived when he pulled you back down to straddle one of his thighs, hands gripping your waist and encouraging you to drag your hips against him in a steady rhythm. Levi snickered against your neck as you gripped his shoulders, grinding wantanly against his muscular leg.

“Feel good?” he asked, brushing your hair back behind your ears as you nodded eagerly, too busy whimpering to form words. He could feel your slick soak through the leather of your pants before making the executive decision that you were wearing far too many clothes for his liking.

Levi deftly unclasped the front of your belt, chuckling as you refused to stop chasing your high long enough for him to pull them down.

“(Y/N), you’re gonna need to move,” his husky voice sent shivers down your spine, heightening the blissful sensation of your knot rubbing against his thigh.

“Nngh– can’t… a-aah! Feels… feels too g-good,” you were so close. That coil in your lower stomach tightening and you knew any moment, with just the right movement, it would snap and you would release all over his thigh.

Or at least, it would have done, had his strong hands not stilled your hips.

“L-Levi?! What the fuck? I was right there,” you pouted as he gently lifted you from his lap, tugging down your pants.

You felt a flair of pride as his jaw dropped at your choice of underwear, the deep red, intricately laced material covering only the bare minimum, accentuating the curve of your hips and the lean muscle of your legs.

If only you’d kept the bralet on. You’d give anything to see his expression when you rocked the set together.

“Fuck…” he breathed, standing from the chair and reaching for you as you kicked the pants from your legs. You smirked, seeing his length hardening once again.

“Hmm, like what you see?” you stepped back like a sly vixen, motioning him to come closer with a provocative finger. You saw his dick twitch in response.

“I’m going to fucking devour you,” your breath hitched in your throat as he caged you against the wall with his arms, his mouth hovering by your ear, soft whisper tickling your neck before it was replaced with his tongue sucking against your pulse point. You arched into his touch, smiling as he tried unsuccessfully to repress the small groan when your hips ground against his cock, your own clothed sex throbbing at the touch.

You’d completely forgotten about his hands until they travelled round to cup your ass, squeezing and moulding the cheeks in his palms. Your gasp spurred him on, lifting you so you could wrap your legs around his waist, both moaning as you came ever closer to each other.

Levi held you against the wall, still nipping and biting at the flesh on your neck, sucking sweet bruises into the skin. Hoisting you up with one forearm, he let the other skirt between you, the pads of his fingers finding a home against your damp folds.

“Shit you’re soaked. You’ve completely ruined these, (Y/N),” he teased, gently rubbing your clit not nearly enough for you to find your high, but enough to coerce the most delicious moans from your throat.

“Mmn, worth it,” you grinned, head tilted upwards as he attacked the hollow of your throat with his mouth. His laugh fluttered against your neck, your hands finding purchase in his inky locks.

“C’mere you,” Levi’s playful tone went straight to your heart as he held you against him, carrying you from the wall. His arms braced under your ass as you leaned down to capture his mouth, lips moving in sync against each other.

You hadn’t noticed he’d carried you into his room until you both fell amongst the bed covers, his body covering yours.

You lay there, panting, looking up into those eyes you’d come to adore. The smile so rare you sometimes didn’t think he even could. You certainly didn’t think it would be so beautiful. Your hand came up to cup his face, chest warming as he nuzzled into the touch.

“Hey,” he breathed, kissing the heel of your palm.

“Hey,” you replied with a soft laugh.

“Bye,” you looked at him, your expression puzzled at the response.

“Wha– FUCK!” your hips arched as his fingers once again dipped between your thighs, sandwiching and rubbing your clit between his thumb and forefinger, his head trailing kisses down your front, pausing briefly to pay attention to your breasts before continuing south.

His fingers hooked over your waistband and Levi looked up at you for permission as he settled between your thighs. You smiled at his continued show of chivalry, nodded in confirmation before the cool air caressed your swollen pussy.

Levi must have forgotten how to breathe. That must be why he felt so lightheaded. Why his heart was beating so hard. Why his mind was reeling.

“God, look at you (Y/N), you’re perfect,” if you weren’t so goddamn aroused, you might have shed a tear at the compliment. You’d never had anyone say anything like that to you before. You’d never had anyone call you stunning, or pretty, or perfect. He made you feel so special.

And so fucking good.

Smirking slightly to himself, Levi turned to your inner thigh, biting gently at the supple, soft muscle and relishing how you squirmed eagerly beneath his touch. He was teasing you, and you were growing rather impatient.

But he couldn’t help it. He’d dreamt of this for so long he wanted to savour the moment. Wanted to remind himself that this wasn't a dream. He’d loved you for so long, and he couldn’t even fathom the elation now he knows that you love him back. The sweet scent of your dripping folds pulled him back to reality, like a siren beckoning him to a watery death, he let your essence pull him in, before the tip of his nose rested on the pearl of your clit.

His hands dragged up your thighs, gently kneading the sensitive flesh. He stayed like that for what felt like far too long, until everything happened at once. Throwing your legs over his shoulder, Levi’s tongue lapped a strong, solid line through your centre, sending your mind reeling.

“Aaaah…! Yes, Levi, Levi…!” Levi’s mind could have been a crime investigation blackboard. Making a mental note of every single reaction you were making. The buck of your hips when he kisses your folds. The arch of your back when he suckles on your clit. The hitch in your breath as his fingers came up to slowly tease your soaking entrance. Levi pulled back slightly, peering up at you and honestly, you almost lost control at the sight of him.

His mouth and chin dripping with your juices, pupils blown with pure, hungry desire. You parted your lips to comment on the delightful sight, but were cut off by the rogue moan he dragged from your throat, his fingers gently rubbing your clit, slowly travelling further south until you felt them circling your aching hole. Nerves gently bubbled through your stomach. You’d heard what the prostitutes and escorts said about a woman’s first time. You knew it was going to hurt, if the two of you went that far tonight. You knew it wasn’t going to be amazing the first time.

Levi also seemed to know.

“Hey, I’m not expecting anything after this, okay? I just want to pay you back for earlier, and make you feel… well, good. We can stop if you want,” you whined slightly at the loss of friction against your sensitive bud, but you couldn’t deny the reassurance calming your suddenly beating heart.

“Stop now and I’ll never give you head again,” you grinned, but he could see the sincerity and gratitude behind your mischievous eyes. You wanted this, and he was more than happy to provide.

“Order received,” he chuckled, before returning his mouth to your waiting pussy.

“Fuck, yes…! Yesyesyesyes HAA-AH, L-Levi…! Right there, fuck, fuck! Yes, right there,” Levi smirked as you whined his name, realising he’d never heard a sweeter sound.

Maybe the bubble of your laughter at a close second.

That same scandalous finger still rubbing patterns into your now throbbing clit, bringing you closer to your high. His other hand once again returning to your wanton hole, gently massaging your folds as his tongue darted into your entrance, dragging a long needy moan from your mouth.

Levi gently eased his finger into your waiting heat, his eyes rolling at how tight you were. He loosened a groan as he ground his now seeping length into the sheets below, the vibrations from his mouth almost enough to send you over the edge if you weren’t clenching at the strange intrusion.

As if sensing your slight discomfort, Levi latched onto the hood of your clit and sucked, relishing in the desperate cry of his name as the pad of his fingertip started rubbing against your walls.

The clench of discomfort soon turned to a flutter of pleasure as you adapted to having someone touch you so intimately. You started to understand why some women enjoy this, and more so when Levi twisted his wrist, hooking his fingers up and brushing against that spongy spot hidden deep within your folds almost by accident. He was worried he’d hurt you, your reaction was so sudden, but your loose string of breathless moans put him at ease.

“SHIT, there, stay… Nngh, AAH, stay there… that feels, yes…! That feels so good Levi,” you threw your head back against the pillow in utter ecstasy as he continued to massage that spot, easing anothing finger in to add to the now heightened pleasure. Whilst you felt both fingers inside of you, there was no discomfort as his tongue continued to swirl around your pearl.

This was his favourite part. Whilst having you kneeling between his thighs and shattering his control was indescribable, nothing could compare to the pleasure he felt whilst eating you out like a starved man. Fuck it felt good to make you feel good. Levi couldn’t stop his constant stream of whispered groans as his cock contiued to weep precum at the mere realisation he was wedged between your legs, feasting on your sex. He continued to grind against the mattress, feeling his own release start to tighten.

Quickening the pace of his working fingers, you couldn’t decipher the pattern Levi was lapping with his tongue, moving in what you thought was random zig-zags against your almost overstimulated clit.

You felt your thighs start to shake, moans escalating into high pitched, breathy pants as the coil in your stomach tightened to the point of snapping, quivering with tension.

“I’m gonna– fuuuuck…! Levi, Lev-Levi, I'm gonna cum… Yes, oh fuck yes, YES FUCK oh– LEVIIII!” with the continued ‘come here’ motion and mind numbing pace of his fingers against your g-spot and a final, long suck of your clit, you completely came undone with a desperate, lengthy scream of his name. Knuckles draining white with your iron grip on the sheets, your thighs locked around his head as your back arched completely off the bed.

It was all Levi needed to find his own release, hearing you chant his name like a prayer and feeling you convulse around his fingers and gush around his face was enough for him to spill all over the bedsheets, a small needy whine fluttering from his muffled mouth, devoured by your leaking cunt.

You two stayed like that for a moment as you both came down, Levi allowing you to catch your breath before being forced to tap on your thighs to release him, the clamp around his head easing.

“As happy as I would be suffocated between your legs, I don’t think I want to die quite yet,” Levi’s gravelly, gently teasing voice brought your back down from whatever elysium your mind had wandered off to, feeling his breath against your face. Your eyes peeled open, too fucked out to widen completely at the state of his face. Pearly white translucent essence lathered his lips and chin, bathing him in a glossy coat until he wiped it away with his other hand.

“What the fuck was that pattern? The one with your tongue?”

“Something I thought of on the spur of the moment. L-E-V-I, A-C-K-E-R–” your giddy giggle cut him off, hand pushing his face to the side playfully.

“Okay okay I get it, you’re utterly filthy and possessive.”

“Well, I had to leave my mark on you somehow.”

“As if the marks on my neck don’t exist.”

“Oh, they do. I’ll be spelling my name like that next time,” you gaped at his cocky smirk, unable to believe this was the same man you’d spent years living with.

As if inspecting your release on the tips of his fingers, he went to suck them clean in his mouth, but you were suddenly much faster. Grabbing his wrist, you brought his hand to your face, engulfing his fingers and swirling your tongue around the soft pads.

Levi’s eyes widened, a brow raised in incredulous disbelief.

“You brat, that was mine,” he huffed against your neck, looking at his hand with a pout as you took his fingers out your mouth with a small suck.

“Hmm, I don’t taste too bad,” you mused with a smirk, hoping to get some sort of rise out of him.

What you weren’t expecting was for him to roll to the side, pulling you into his chest so you had to angle your head up to peer into his now soft, grey eyes.

“You taste divine, firefly,” your heart skipped a beat at the nickname he’d only called you twice before.

“Why do you call me that? Don’t get me wrong, I love it but– why?” you murmured, snuggling into his warmth as much as you could whilst still being able to look into his loving gaze.

Levi stayed quiet for a moment, almost as if he were contemplating something, before gently tucking a strand of loose hair behind your ear.

“Because you’re a light, (Y/N). I was in a shit place, and you were a light. From the day I met your scrawny ass. You shone like some weird, feisty little beacon. You’re my firefly in the dark,” Levi was never good with words. Shit, he didn’t know how many times he’d rehearsed that little explanation, ready for the day when you would inevitably ask, and even then he still got it wrong. There was so much more he wanted to say. How you guided him forward. How you bathed him in your glow. You were so much more than his beacon.

You were his whole heart and soul.

You had been for a while.

Tears lined your eyes. You certainly weren’t expecting that. You weren’t expecting something so tender, even after your lovemaking. You weren’t expecting to see the raw, unwavering devotion in his eyes as he spoke such soft, soulmending words. His arms tightened around your waist as you nestled into the crook of his neck, breathing in his fresh, sweat musked scent.

You were both tired, content from you finding your highs in each other. Administrating pleasure for one another.

You were both happy with how far things had gone.

Then why were you both still awake?

Levi felt you lashes flutter intermittently against his collarbones, his only indication that you joined him in consciousness.

Neither of you said anything. You didn’t have to. Raising your head from his neck, the unspoken want reflected in his own eyes. Your lips joined his, gently moulding against one another in a gentle, passionate kiss. Wordlessly, he rolled on top of you, caging you against the bed with his arms either side of your head as his mouth moved against yours.

“Do you want this?” Levi pulled back just far enough to murmur, his lips still ghosting your own. Your hands found his hair, gently massaging his scalp as you nodded, looking deeply into those stormy eyes, blue and silver swirling seamlessly within his irises.

“I want you, Levi. Always you,” you responded, leaning back up to close the miniscule gap between you. One of your hands travelled down his back, skirting round his hips to his half hard length. You giggled cheekily at his muffled groan when you took him in your hand again, slowly pumping as he continued to harden. You wanted this. More than anything, you wanted him to claim you, and you wanted to claim him. You belonged to each other.

Levi lined himself up with your folds, shivering as his tip grazed your wetness.

“Last chance to say no before I take your virginity,” there was nothing but sweet sincerity in his hushed voice, his thumb caressing your cheekbone.

You masked your nervousness by raising a cocky brow, a lopsided smirk pulling at your lips.

“Right back at you, handsome,” you replied, but Levi could see right through you. Though your tone put him at ease slightly, he could still tell you were anticipating what was to come.

“I’ll be gentle, I promise. I’d never deliberately hurt you, (Y/N),” Levi lowered himself to recapture your lips, hoping to take some of your mind off the pain as he began to ease himself into your slick folds. You were thankful he’d stretched you somewhat with his fingers, but it wasn’t quite enough to quell the pained hiss you elicited as he slowly filled you. He would pause his movements at every sharp inhale, patiently waiting for you to accommodate his girth. It actually helped him as well, the overwhelming pleasure of your walls tightening around his cock almost enough to send him over the edge for the third time. He felt guilty for enjoying it, knowing you were in a lot of discomfort.

“I’ve got you firefly. I’ve got you. You’re doing so well, we’re almost there, I promise, take as long as you need, I’ve got you,” he cooed reassuring encouragement in your ear, letting you know there was no pressure on you. You relaxed a little, feeling the pain ease a tad as you did.

Levi felt your muscles loosen a fraction, and relief washed over him at the mere thought of you feeling a little more comfortable. Still, he refused to move until he’d heard you give him the go-ahead. You were dictating this, and he was once again more than happy to go at your own pace.

“Okay… okay. You okay?” you opened an eye to look up at his strained expression, slightly concerned he wasn’t enjoying it. You knew it would get better for you, but there was no point in continuing if he wasn’t feeling good either. But that thought was quickly extinguished when he nodded slightly erratically.

“Yeah, more than okay. I should be asking you that,” your small, huffed amusement was music to his ears.

“Go on then,” you smiled mischievously, almost forgetting about the tearing pain between your thighs. Your calmed, comfortable demeanor soothed his guilt ridden heart as he smiled fondly.

“You okay?” he gave you an eskimo kiss, gently nuzzling his nose against yours.

“More than okay,” you replied, copying his own response with an earnest grin. “You can keep going, by the way. Sorry, I should have said that sooner,” you smiled, looking away a little sheepishly. He hated how you thought that way. Hated how, even now, you weren’t thinking about yourself. He swept away your expression with a quick peck to your lips.

“No, you shouldn’t have. I want to move with you. This is all about you, don’t worry about me,” you could have cried at his words, feeling his lips against your neck. “You feel amazing,” he whispered, grasping the sheets as he continued to fill you to the hilt. You hissed again, but the pain was lessening to a dull throb now, his entire length sitting snug within your walls.

You both paused again, allowing you to get used to the sensation of being so full.

“Everything alright?” you could have chuckled at the obvious restraint in his voice, heart warming knowing he was doing everything he could to make you feel as comfortable as possible. You loved how he continued to need reassurance.

“Yeah, all good. You can move now baby,” Levi looked back at you, wide eyed and stunned.

“Are you sure? You don’t need more time? I can wait, I don’t want you to think–” he couldn’t finish his sentence before your lips crashed against his, your hips bucking as you feasted on his mouth. His eyes rolled at the friction and you swallowed the groan escaping his lips as he began to pull out, only to slowly thrust back in, his eyes fluttering shut at the sensation of your gummy walls gripping and massaging his length.

“Fuck… god you feel so good,” he moaned, having to remove his mouth from yours in favour of breathing. You gasped quietly, raising your legs to wrap around his waist, encouraging his hips to roll deeper. The pain had been completely replaced by a unique pleasure you’d never felt before.

“Yes… Levi, shit, yes…!” Your breathy moans fueled his gentle thrusts, keeping the pace steady and rhythmic. It worked perfectly for both of you, especially when the tip of his cock grazed the same spot you were sure his fingers were grinding against earlier.

“There! L-Levi, right there, yes oh fuck!” you whined, rolling your hips to meet his. Levi stilled, allowing you to grind yourself on his length, your mouth falling open as he continued to rub against your g-spot, the spongy texture enveloping his leaking tip.

“(Y/N), a-aah,” Levi gave up on forming words for the second time that night, loosening a lengthy, gravelly groan into your ear. You whimpered as he started to thrust again, picking up the tempo as the two of you lost yourselves in the pleasure of each other’s bodies.

He kept the angle the same, heatedly relishing in the high pitched moans with each well placed thrust.

“M-more, Le-vi, Levi, ‘need more,” your heels dug into the small of his back as if he would pull away. Snaking his hand between you, your hips bucked wildly as he started to circle your clit with his first two fingers.

“Yes, yes, FUCK, yes, shit (Y/N),” he couldn’t stop the stream of breathy grunts as your walls contracted around him, sucking him deeper than he ever imagined. “Does it– nngh– does it feel g-good?” he asked, as if you could find a voice with which to reply. Miraculously, you managed to nod frantically, uttering a guttural “yes” as his thrusts swiftened to something a little rougher, encouraged by your continued string of curses, his hips now pounding into you. The room was filled with the sound of skin slapping against skin, the continued squelching of his cock entering you repeatedly only heightened the sensation as you walls began to clench, you high fast approaching with the repeated rubbing of your clit and g-spot. Your nails began to claw against his back, scratching lines of fire against his skin.

“Levi... LEVI! Fuck… fuck... I’m gon-na cum. D-don’t stop, feelssogood…!”  

“Yeah? C-cum then. Cu– fuck, cum for me,”

“A-ah, Levi, yes… YES…! LEVIIII…!” Levi’s breath hitched as you held him in a vice grip, his eyes rolling back in sheer ecstasy as you came around his dick, back bowed in an arch, eyes closed as your orgasm washed over you in waves Your thighs shuddered and tightened around his hips as he fucked you through you high, fingers still blurring against your pearled bud until overstimulation shattered through your nerves, muscles twitching and clamping as he continued to find his own high.

“Shit…! Shit, oh fuck… Fuck, i’m so close, (Y/N) I’m s-so– so close, ha-ah…! Nngh, i’m gonna– oh fuck, yes… yes fuck…! Imgonnacum, (Y/N)... aa-aah, fuck (Y/N)!” Levi only just managed to pull out before he came across your abs, groaning desperately as his hips bucked into your lower stomach. You reached down through your own fucked out haze to grasp his cock, milking him through his orgasm much like you did early on in the night. Thumb grazing circles across his overly sensitive tip.

“Fuck, (Y/N) stop, ‘s too much… p-please,” you grinned against his neck as he collapsed on top of you, his face turning to the side as he fell between your shoulder and the pillow, panting against your skin.

You both refused to move, limbs too heavy to even think about cleaning up right now.

“Fuck… that was good,” you breathed, arms coming to drape across his marked back. It was only then you realised how painful it looked. “Levi! Oh my god I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” you asked, gently caressing the now raised lines across the muscles on his shoulders and back, hoping to soothe what you had done. He huffed a chuckle at the concern in your tone. If only you knew how much he’d loved feeling you draw white hot lines into his skin.

“Don’t be. I’m fine, I kinda liked it,” he confessed, tilting his head up to look into your shimmering, concerned eyes. (E/C) irises that quickly swirled with cheeky intent. You poked his forehead fondly, raising a brow.

“You little masochist,” your teasing tone made him lift his heavy body off yours, holding his weight a little shakily on his elbows as he leaned down to kiss you gently, his tongue brushing effortlessly against yours.

“Mmm, it was rather good wasn’t it?” he smirked against your lips as you scoffed.

“Rather? Says the man who the neighbours will be complaining about for the next god-knows-how-long. I think even those shit eating nobles above ground heard you,” you teased, smoothing over his eyebrow, his eyes rolling dramatically as he bunched up the sheet to gently wipe his seed from your abdomen.

“Okay fine, it was really good. But you know, you weren’t exactly silent yourself, right?” you’d never get bored of this banter between you. Never get tired of the amused spark in his dark irises, the slight quirked pull of his lips.

“Shut up,” you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him against your neck when you couldn’t keep up the feigned annoyance on your face. He chuckled into the dip between your neck and shoulder before the two of you fell silent, content to bask in each other’s comforting warmth.

“You need to go pee,” and maybe it was his flat delivery breaking the serene silence, but that one sentence broke you. You exploded into fits of laughter, head thrown back in hilarity. Levi looked up in bewilderment, puzzled by your sudden reaction. But you had a certain contagious spark to your laughter, and he found himself joining you in your amusement. You couldn’t tell whether it was the release of all the sexual tension between you, or whether it was the elating realisation that you belonged to each other. Whether it was the relief of finally physically admitting your mutual attraction, or something completely different, but you found yourself unable to stop the bubbles of happiness from escaping your chest, even when you’d calmed down a little.

Levi too managed to control his hiccups of mirth, at least enough to ask you a one word question.

“What?”

You adored the way he looked at you and you were sure only one other person had ever seen him look like that before.

“Nothing, you’ve always got my wellbeing at the front of that beautiful mind of yours, haven’t you?” your hands carded through his hair as he rolled his eyes again. You could tell he was trying to school his smile back to neutral, but found himself unable when faced with your grinning visage.

“Shut up and go pee brat, I’ll clean up here,” Levi reluctantly rolled off you, pulling you up with him because he knew you wouldn’t have moved otherwise. You were shaky on your legs and he held your arms until you’d regained your strength before sending you off with a quick peck on your lips, something you tried to deepen but he caught on to your antics disappointingly quickly. “Go, you insatiable minx,” you laughed again as he gently pushed you, not before glancing at your gorgeous physique.

“Oi, stop checking me out,” you grinned over your shoulder as you left the room to do as he said.

It didn’t take him very long to strip the bed and change the sheets, finding some spare cloth and cases to drape over the bare mattress and pillows, bundling up the dirty bed clothes and dumping them in a small basket to be washed All before you wandered back in. Levi could see how tired you looked as you made a beeline for him, not quite with the same savvy confidence as you had five minutes ago, the night’s activities finally catching up with you. He couldn’t say he felt any different.

“C’mere beautiful,” he sighed as you collapsed into his chest. Levi tightened his arms around your body, pulling you to the bed with him.

Lying down on the fresh sheets, he tucked you closer into his chest, a smile pulling at his lips as you wrapped your tired arms around him.

As if he would ever leave you.

Tilting his head down, he pressed a delicate kiss to your hair, smiling against the faint scent of his soap you usually used.

“I love you, Levi,” Levi’s breath hitched at the three words he’d longed to hear you say. Never in his entire Underground existence did he think he could ever be this happy. The thought provoked a rogue tear to slide down his cheek.

When he’d regained some of his composure, realising he hadn’t moved or even breathed for a little too long,  his legs shifted to tangle with yours, simply wanting to feel you against him.

“I love you too, firefly,” he felt your soft, relieved smile against his neck as you both settled into each other, drifting off into one of the longest sleep either of you had managed in a very, very long time. At some point he’d rolled the two of you over, facing his back to the door, caging you in and instinctively protecting you against the horrors that lay outside those four walls.

Neither of you woke when Isobel and Farlan returned to the house in complete disarray.

Isobel immediately suspected what had happened judging by the plethora of discarded clothing and bundled white sheets in the wash basket.

“Oh my god, Farlan look! Is bro okay? Wait, are they both okay?! Look at (Y/N)’s neck!” Isobel gawked in slightly scared awe at her brother and his childhood friend. Well, lover now, they supposed, if the scratches on his back and the hickeys on your neck were anything to go by.

“How long do you think they’ve been knocked out like this?” the taller, sandy haired man asked, raising a brow to the girl as they leant on the doorframe, both looking at your sleeping, barely covered forms.

“Honestly? Beats me. Took them long enough though. If they didn’t fuck soon I would have thrown myself out the window. You could smell the sexual tension between those two,”

“That’s gross, Issy,” Isobel giggled at Farlan’s disapproving look, the dirty blonde clipping the back of her head as he leaned forward to shut the door, giving the two of you privacy.

Levi had been semi-coherent. Too tired and comfortable to throw either of them one of his glares, the sleeping bundle in his arms had softened him to the point of gooeyness. He smiled contently against your head.

Honestly, he couldn’t blame Isobel.

If you two hadn’t done something soon…

He would have thrown himself out the window alongside her.

꧁ꨄ꧂

“So, you did know her?” Levi tried to trace the steps he took that led up to this exact situation. He was always about no regrets, but shit, if he wasn’t starting to have a few. Sitting opposite his Commander, an ankle crossed over his knee, arms folded defensively, occasionally leaning forwards to take sips from his small cup of tea he’d managed to bring with him before being almost dragged into the blonde’s office.

He rolled his eyes, setting down his teacup once again, his arms returning to their positions against his chest.

“No. I already told you,” he’d insisted on keeping up this charade of ignorance, not knowing what it would do to either of you if anyone found out. Although he knew it was useless lying to him, Erwin would inevitably find out sooner or later.

The man across his face rubbed his palm against the side of his face in slight frustration, eyes closing as he took a calming breath. Levi almost felt sorry for him. He knew Erwin was under a lot of constant stress, and he knew he was contributing to that stress right now. If it was about anyone else, he would have caved in sooner. But this was you, and he would go to the ends of the earth to protect you.

“Levi… this is serious. If you know her, I need to know. It could help us protect her–”

“Protect her? Against what? I thought the MPs were done with her now,” Levi’s façade slipped slightly as worry invaded his normally rational mind. Erwin raised a thick eyebrow, clearly noting Levi’s change of tone.

“Just because they’re done with her doesn’t mean they won’t fight to get their way. She killed a lot of their soldiers, Levi. It’s only natural they would want to harm her, and we can only offer so much protection to the criminals we seem to be accumulating,” Erwin explained cautiously, as if realising Levi was a ticking time bomb, and any wrong move could set him off. But the shorter man decided against exploding at that comment, too fixated on the idea you could be harmed further.

“But you struck a deal with Niles, right? Aren’t you commanders supposed to honour deals like that?” the ravenette asked with no small degree of irritation in his tone. Erwin seemed to be slowly understanding what was going on. It was becoming more obvious that Humanity’s Strongest Soldier was perhaps more than familiar with The Raven.

“Levi, please. Who was she to you? An associate? Business partner? A friend? A lover?” Levi’s jaw flickered at the last suggestion, telling the Commander all he needed to know. “Really?” there was no judgement in his voice, only genuine, surprised curiosity. He didn’t think Levi even had it in him to love another, especially since he’s lost so many.

“Tch, so what?” might as well admit to it now he’d already guessed. Levi’s heart clenched with guilt, already trying to formulate some sort of plan. He didn’t know why there would be any repercussions to the two of you having a relationship years ago, but he didn’t doubt there would be. There always seemed to be.

“No, nothing, I’m just… surprised if I’m honest. You’ve never mentioned her before,” Erwin seemed genuinely, innocently interested, rather than that usual tone he took when he was fishing for information. Levi relaxed a tad, reaching for his teacup and taking a good, long sip, providing himself time to think.

“It was a very long time ago now… We haven’t seen each other in a decade or so,” he admitted quietly over the rim of his teacup, attempting to hide his face behind his hand.

“Do you still love her?” Levi almost choked on his tea at the sudden, incredibly personal question. The obvious answer was yes. Yes, he still loved you. He never stopped loving you. He only realised how much he really did still love you when he saw you again.

“No,” his response wasn’t as strong as he wanted it to be, and true to his perceptive nature, Erwin noted his hesitancy.

“I think we’re well past lying now, don’t you think?” Erwin smiled gently, now knowing why this was always such a sensitive subject for Levi. Why he stormed into his office the other day demanding to talk to him. Why he was so beside himself about your treatment.

That was his past lover.

Levi sighed, placing the teacup back on the desk before running a frustrated hand through his hair.

“It’s more complicated than that,”

“It’s a yes or no question Levi,”

“What’s it to you, Eyebrows? Pretty sure my answer doesn’t dictate whether she’s safe or not just because The Raven is an ex to one of your captains,” the venom in his voice was tamed by his obvious fatigue. Erwin could only imagine how much of a toll this had taken on the ravenette.

“No. It doesn’t. But I don’t want you to think you can’t come to your friends about something like this, Levi. She’s–” Erwin cut himself off, internally debating the best way to go about this. “She’s somebody important to you. Incredibly important, if your little display the other demonstrated anything,” Levi rolled his eyes, clicking his tongue at the remark.

“I just don’t want her to get hurt. More than she already has,” it was strange seeing Levi, a man Erwin had known to be incredibly stoic and in control seem so vulnerable. It was strange to think Levi had any weaknesses. But the blonde supposed every man had a weakness. Even him.

However if Levi didn’t want her to get hurt, then he should have spoken up before Erwin struck a deal with the MPs to let her join the Scouts.

“Levi… She's a Scout now. It’s highly likely she’s going to get hurt on expeditions,”

“I KNOW THAT,” Erwin raised his brows at the sudden, raised tone, not expecting something quite that desperate to come from Levi, the smaller man now refusing to make eye-contact. “I know that,” he repeated quietly. It was obvious he was in a difficult situation.

“Then I'll ask you again. Do you still love her?” Erwin’s tone was ever patient, something Levi appreciated as he sat in silence before answering, once again unable to meet Erwin’s piercing gaze.

“Yes. Yes I do. I didn’t stop. I never stopped loving her,” Erwin’s expression softened at Levi’s words, leaning his chin against his intertwined fingers, his elbows resting on the desk.

“Does she know that?”

“Fuck sakes Erwin, are you seriously giving me dating advice?” Levi raised what could have been an amused brow, if only the seriousness of the conversation didn’t convert it into something of irritation. He couldn’t deny this conversation had gone better than he could have expected. He didn’t expect his Commander to be so supportive of a relationship between his Strongest Soldier and The Raven. But, he supposed, as much as he hated to admit it, Erwin was one of his closest friends. And his hearty chuckle only exaggerated that fact.

Annoyingly.

“No. No I’m not. I’m not one to give such advice,” another silence settled between the two men, before Erwin spoke up again. “What would you like to do about this?” he asked, willing to let Levi have some say in how his ex lover was treated within the Scouts.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, how would you like to oversee her training? From what I’ve seen, she doesn’t respond well to… authority,” god, talking about this it was akin walking on a sleeping titan, not knowing what would suddenly jolt it awake enough to lunge and bite. This was more Hange’s field than anything, knowing Levi had a strange soft spot for the scientist. Not that he would ever admit it.

“No. I don’t think that’s a good idea. She’s… well… Yes, she’s difficult. And yes, she doesn’t like authority. And yes, she’s perfectly capable of kicking the shit out of any of us whilst eating a salad as she did it but she’s not impossible. You just have to know how to… work her,”

“Sounds like you do,”

“Watch it.”

“Apologies. That was inappropriate,” Levi could tell there was nothing apologetic about Erwin’s tone. And he couldn’t deny that it was rather funny, conveying his thoughts with a less spiteful eye roll.

Eyebrows’ eyebrows furrowed in thought, wondering who should survey your training, and who’s squad you should join after.

“I can have Miche take her through ODM maintenance, he should–”

“No point. She knows how those things work better than you or I. She was the one who sold to us,”

“Without your knowledge?” Levi stayed awkwardly quiet for a moment.

“She was wearing a mask…”

“Seriously?”

“It’s dark down there, okay? We couldn’t fucking see her face,” Levi spat, only adding to Erwin’s humerous disbelief. “Anyway, she doesn’t need to be taught that shit. She already knows it. She just needs to be taught how to use it. But she’s a fast learner. If she doesn’t surpass Miche’s kill count in her first two weeks I'll be extremely surprised,” Erwin smiled subtly as Levi kept singing your praises, seemingly unable to stop himself from aggressively gushing about how fantastic you were.

“You seem confident,”

“I am.”

“Why?” The question caught him off guard. Why? Because it was you. He was always confident when it came to you. He could always trust you with anything because he knew you.

Or… at least…

He did.

“Look, I know you’re usually the one asking me to trust you, but just this once, trust me,” Erwin had already made the decision to trust Levi on this one. He seemed to know you better than anyone, even if he had just avoided the question.

“I was going to anyway, but alright. Miche for ODM, Hange for titan theory–”

“Terrible idea, but continue,”

“And she can join the rest of the soldiers for hand to hand. Does that suit you?” Levi couldn’t quite understand why Erwin was being so lenient with this.

“I don’t give you orders. If that’s how it is, that’s how it’ll be,” the raven haired man folded his arms once again, leaning back in his chair.

“Levi, I’m trying to be accommodating about this,” Erwin huffed, growing ever more tired with the Captain’s attitude.

“Why? Just treat her like any other cadet,”

“Honestly? Because I don’t want you to be in a constant foul mood if something goes wrong with her training,” Levi scoffed, averting his eyes from Erwin.

“Fine. Yes, that suits me. Whether it’ll suit her or not… that’s a different question altogether,” Levi’s subtle, fond smile didn’t escape Erwin’s ever-searching gaze, the man picking up on all of Levi’s tells.

“Very well. She can join Captain Francis’ squad as a temporary fix until we see where she would fit in–”

“That man’s a waste of air and you know it,” Levi really was behaving like a petulant child, huffing and folding his arms with every idea he disagreed with.

“Whilst yes, I agree with you, he’s also another Captain. You should probably treat him like one,”

“I don’t see him here with us, do you?”

“Levi…” Erwin warned lowly. Though he did sometimes enjoy the smaller man’s sarcastic quips, now wasn’t the time for such things. Before Levi could respond to the warning however, Erwin continued swiftly. “So, you’ll oversee her training?”

“Didn’t I just say that was a bad idea?”

“I find myself disagreeing with you.”

“Tch, fine. ``We done here?” he asked, tapping his foot impatiently as if he’d been waiting to ask that question throughout their entire meeting. Erwin sighed, trying so hard not to roll his own eyes before nodding and waving a hand. But before Levi could even open the door, he was stopped.

“Levi… What's her name?” Erwin asked, peering at him as if he could see right through him. Levi’s expression softened, thinking back to when she asked him to refer to her with her name rather than her alias.

“(Y/N),” he spoke your name as if saying it any louder would shatter it, the delicacy in his tone so unlike the Levi Erwin had come to know. “But call her Raven until she tells you. Hate to say it, but you wouldn’t stand a chance if she decides you have a target on your back,” that alien fondness returned to Levi’s expression, as if he wasn’t talking about his ex lover possibly murdering his commander.

“I’ll take your word for it. Thank you Levi, for being honest with me. I know there’s more to say, but I'm sure you’d rather rest than talk to me about it,” the offer was there, Levi knew it was. He knew Erwin was offering to help sort through his thoughts with him, but he needed time to…

Adjust to this new normal.

So instead he hummed non-comitally and bid the Commander goodnight.

“Night Erwin, don’t strain yourself too hard thinking about this,” it was his way of saying he was grateful for Erwin’s support. Levi always had his own special way of saying things like this.

Erwin couldn’t respond before Levi was already closing the door behind him.

꧁ꨄ꧂

Warm shower. No, hot shower. Fuck it, scalding shower. Levi kept turning up the temperature, the showerhead gurgling with each twist. He usually found, when nothing else could calm his nerves or soothe his head, a scalding shower and a hot tea worked the trick. But every part of him was alight tonight. His body, his mind.

His heart and soul.

His entire being crackled with some sort of energy he hadn’t felt in a while. He recognised it. Of course he did. It was the same energy he’d feel whenever you’d return home from your strange trips away, which he now knew was Viper teaching you how to survive. Was that how you knew how to stitch his wound that night? Was that how you knew how to effectively apply a bandage, how to suture and sew? That night when he’d stumbled through the door to find the house empty. When he’d sat at the table, silently begging you to come back just so he could see you again. Just so he would stop worrying.

That night when he’d first kissed you.

There were a lot of firsts that night, he remembered fondly. The first kiss, the first touch. The first time he’d heard you moan his name. The first time he moaned yours.

The first time he’d felt such utter pleasure, when your tongue swirled around his tip and your lips lapped at his vein. When your throat massaged his length and he spilled into your mouth.

The first time he’d tasted you, delicately kissing your swollen folds and listening to you unravel above him. Your breathy whines playing on repeat in his head.

The first time you two were joined, closer than you’d ever been before.

Gradually, the shower became far, far too hot. Looking down, Levi could both see and feel the result of his little nostalgia trip. The small whimper of his name in the cell had unlocked a torrent of repressed urges that now sprang to light.

In more ways than one.

It was wrong. It was so, so wrong. You were a mere husk of who you were. You were damaged, fractured. Spiderwebbed cracks lined your mind, threatening to shatter and yet, no matter how far down he turned the shower temperature, no matter how much cold water splashed against his toned back, images of your ecstasy creased face still flashed in his mind, his length only hardening further the longer he left it.

“Damnit…” he muttered with a heavy sigh, before wrapping his hand around his cock and slowly fucking into his fist. His hips bucked involuntarily, having not done this in quite a while now. Levi ran his thumb over that prominent vein, remembering how your hot mouth would suckle kisses along the underside. A low moan escaped his throat, lost down the drain along with the filthy cold water.

He lathered his precum over his sensitive tip, hissing at the friction as he began to pump faster, boney knuckles gripping tighter as he neared his high. His hand didn’t feel like his own. There were no rough callouses on his palms, but rather they were softer. Daintier. Smaller. He couldn’t stop his imagination running wild as he thought of you jerking him off, that playful, fox-like smile pulling at your lips whenever his back arched or his hips bucked.

“Fuck…” he groaned, fucking into his fist with renewed vigor, his balls tightening as he felt his release wash through his body, mouth falling open. Throwing his head back, Levi thrusted his hips into his grip as ropes of white seed spilled from his tip, seeping through his fingers.

He braced his arm against the white tiled wall, watching the water wash away his ivory sins as his cock softened in his hand. Guilt punctured his afterglow, self hatred a constant accomplice as he turned the temperature back up to boiling, hissing as the lava scalded his back, staining his skin an angry red. He wouldn’t have tea after this. He wouldn’t carefully dry himself off, or sit at his desk and stave away sleep.

He would collapse amongst the unused duvet and pillows of his bed, and hope his nightmares carry him to retribution.

[generallypo]

in all sincerity, kim dokja makes me happy and he deserves to be so too :^(

incoherent yelling and sobbing under the cut. these fEELINGS will not be contained aaauuunnghhh. 

------

anyway i binge-read all 500+ chapters of ORV this week and i honest to god feel bad for this -- completely! fictional! aghhhh -- guy. in case you haven’t figured it out, the following is some spoilerly shit

i went in expecting a fun, brainless power trip fantasy for dudes with an isekai addiction. instead, it turns out ORV is actually a gigantic, self-deprecating prank on the entire genre itself. kdj plays more into the sad -- if high-functioning-- clown trope than the sexy, edgy, chuuni bastard type i was prepared to laugh at. there were -- gasp! -- female characters with personalities! parents (aka ADULTS who act like ADULTS) who actually survive and feature prominently! adorable children! a real sexy, edgy bastard! a power trio with amazing fashion! sexual tension and bickering! friendship! life and death bonding! 

*breathes in deeply* fouND FAMILYYYYYYY.

like, yeah, the plot around the first few arcs seems a little aimless, but the buildup is worth. the world-building is pretty decent. there’s discernible effort put into the fight scenes, and i can appreciate that. but -- but! what i stayed for were the characters -- namely, the fantastic OT3 of KDJ, HSY, and YJH -- who come together despite their initial rivalries and end up saving each other’s asses, like, every other day. granted, the other characters don’t get as much focus, and they do fall into certain character tropes.. 

but a trope done well is nothing i would gripe about. every significant character in ORV has a coherent, and more importantly, respectful take on their respective trope. maybe it’s because sing-shong is actually a married couple, but all the interactions between even minor characters are a convincing blend of awkward rambling, suggestive humor, sharp remarks, and casual banter. in other words, this cast of mostly working adults (plus a teen and two kids) talks like working adults. the relationships built throughout the story are, frankly, some of most realistic of its genre. sing-shong has managed to craft a dynamic that undoubtedly brims with fluffy fondness all around, but also drips with sarcastic tension, with unspoken urgency, with a wariness that softens into sincerity over the course of many, many chapters. it’s the kind of progression that makes even stock characters read like more than just the 2-bit villain or comrade or love interest. here, we have relationships both straightforward and not, strained or otherwise, romantically-oriented as well as decidedly the opposite -- and then numerous others scattered along the spectrum with the freedom to shift either way. 

it’s also an interesting point of note that our MC kdj actually does not end up with a stated romantic partner, much less a conventional heteroromantic harem. he gets teased about that fact from time to time, but it’s with less of the sleazy shonen locker room humor one would expect and more of the good-natured ribbing you’d find among friends or that one especially nosy auntie at the yearly family reunion. kdj is a grown ass man. in the background, i applaud his maturity, and he handles all the prodding like a champ. 

so instead of finding and fulfilling his horny, he builds himself a wealth of loving family. yeah, there are beautiful men and women around him. yeah, they unequivocally adore him. but they’re also adults, and they have priorities, too -- which are not so much finding a way to bang kdj’s brains out and more so simply keeping the damn guy alive. this is truly not ‘oblivious mc with his thirsty, sex kitten harem’. it just so happens that a guy proves himself to be unflinchingly gentle and capable in an apocalyptic setting despite his broken self-esteem, and lots of people find that attractive, romantically and platonically. 

it.. kinda makes sense? he’s a hard worker, thoughtful, and good with kids. kdj is the kind of guy you know would make a reliable partner, and anybody with eyes can plainly see and appreciate that. 

and it’s not that our MC’s a total brick wall. in fact, it’s likely the opposite, and he’s just too darned repressed to admit it. from what has been implied, kdj does indeed recognize and accept love, or at least a primitive concept of it. i like to imagine that the kind of love that he ends up seeking out simply manifests itself more easily as acceptance and safety, as warmth and a home of people to return to every day. even better, the people who surround him know this, and they give him exactly that. it’s refreshing, and honestly, really sweet.

(as a side note, i really, really do appreciate the cosmic bi energy radiating off of kdj, who canonically earns the title of being loved by all and is all but in name married to yjh and hsy. he also respects women and small children and honestly anyone who isn’t total scum to him or his family. i respect that.)

but the happy stuff aside, you know it it just ain’t ORV without the generous screaming dollop of angst. admittedly, there’s self-sacrifice, injury, lonesome wandering, more sacrifice, some epic fighting, reunion and confrontation. all of it is a lot to digest, sure, but never does it feel entirely hopeless, or truly, truly heart-clenching. ORV, up until the final act, is a mostly light read. you relax in your chair, thinking that nothing beyond this point can disturb you. 

yeah fucking right.

------

and then the beginning of the end arrives. when the squad finally break through to their ‘ending’, the scene that kind of breaks me is the reveal of the Most Ancient Dream. it ties so much thematically into the little tidbits that we get of kdj’s past, and it though it feels like almost a joke that the source of the goddamn apocalypse is a kid with bruises smeared across his skinny ass body -- it’s such a pathetic picture that it’s kinda poetic, actually. you’re left mystified but somewhat convinced, like a math problem explained halfway through. this.. child.. is a villain somehow, isn’t he?

and then 999th turn uriel speaks up, and she. just. hugs him. 

[[You are this universe’s most powerless existence, aren’t you.]] 

that. that gets me. kdj’s reaction immediately upon this revelation? absolute murder. seeing him essentially self-destruct upon realizing that all these people he’s surrounded himself with -- some who continuously proclaim their loyalty and affection for him throughout their journey, some who suffered eons of war and loss and trauma because of his existence -- not only forgive his younger self but smother him with unconditional acceptance and love is stifling, is too vulnerable and exposed and he simply can’t cope -- it’s so telling of his true mentality, of his crippling insecurity and crumpled sense of self-worth. kim dokja is a liar, through and through, so much that he fails, or perhaps refuses, to comprehend the veracity of others’ kindness and love towards himself. 

by some miracle, the events at the end of the world somehow resolve.. or so it seems. there is a departing train, a liberated team of ex-gods, and a child rousing from his slumber. in the aftermath, i am left shaking. somehow, despite the ending having been (happily?) reached, there’s still another chapter ahead. what is this witchcraft?

------

and then ah, yes -- the epilogue arc. i teetered on the edge of being critical for a little bit there -- is that display of deus ex machina, of sad, self-sacrificing nobility a bit too egregious to be acceptable? is this some wild last let-me-yank-this-outta-my-ass plot twist to drag out the chapter count? i sincerely thought that the arc before it would have been the finale. i was wrong. thank god.

anyways, as an answer to the above: no, and no. i stake my firm claim on the belief that the epilogue arc was meticulously planned out well in advance of its release, confusing and time-warpy as it is. i liked it. tremendously. even if it entirely invalidates all of kdj’s supposed development (”haha lol yeah sure i won’t sacrifice myself or anything anymore guys don’t worry about me” -- KDJ, at some point because he’s a lying rat bastard). actually, our beloved MC disappears for a large chunk of this arc, and i think it’s great. in his absence, the other characters not only go absolutely fucking nuts, but they have to figure out this new problem on their own, even if the lure of peaceful complacency in the newly saved Korea might convince them otherwise. 

and then the whole time paradox thing comes around. yjh goes to space, hsy saves the only life she can, and kdj grows up. the crew waits, holding onto their hope even if it bleeds them dry. sing-shong does a damn good job of illustrating their fraying calm, their lurking madness, the unseen but pervasive depression that seeps in from kdj’s absence. the kids lose their father, lhs and jhw lose their reliable leader figure, ysa loses a best friend and confidant, lsk -- as distant as she pretends to be from her son -- loses her only child. and then there’s hsy and yjh , who are essentially bereft of the other half of their existences. their pain is palpable, is grounded in the hopeless, gnawing frustration of an utterly meaningless victory. emotionally, ORV hits all the right -- if agonizing -- beats.

however, a story can’t sustain itself just through its pathos. i’m happy to say that ORV doesn’t drop the ball after the first milestone, and after all the hurt, the characters do leap straight back into action. even better, the plot holes actually do get patches, and the poetic cycle of writer, protagonist, and reader comes full circle by making use of all those supposedly throwaway characters from the myriad world lines. 

at the end of the road, there is a distinct sense of unity, of a delicate but undeniable cohesion to the world lines and their origins. sing-shong lets us guess a little here at the finish, but there’s just enough information to feel hopeful. maybe there never had been a definite start -- or finish -- to the story of kdj company, and... that’s okay. everybody ends up where they were meant to be, where they fought and struggled to reach. it’s.. almost like a happily ever after, if we’re allowed to dream of that.

------

now, i realize, this was all an orchestrated maneuver.

i’ll take it.

to me, all of this work sounds like someone put some serious thought into this behemoth of a plot. it cements the entire original premise of the story. it suggests -- but never explicitly confirms! -- the possibility that breaking free of the cycle is possible through the exact same system that sustains it. it’s terribly interesting -- and inspirational! with all the dramatic revelations and life-threatening scenarios  and the cast’s resigned acceptance of them that essentially make up ORV’s entire mood, there’s still that last hint of rebellious and righteous anger that lights up the whole damn nebula. it’s like the kdj company blasting away at the heavens just to yell into the nether: we’re not looking for the happy end, but the free one. stay alive.

it’s subtle, and yet it’s such an emotional gut punch. i came away with the most ruinous, frustrating, bittersweet sense of longing in ages. i pined. for these fictional darlings. god, i am weak.

so. yeah. ORV is pretty good. flawed, but ambitious and impressively thought out.  i’m stoked that the webtoon is making pretty good progress, even if it’ll take an eternity and a half to meet that monstrous chapter count. i’m still gonna follow it. hell yeah. 

------

(by the way the idea that secretive plotter and co are literally gonna take care of and raise baby kdj and spoil him and be the best friggin family a kid could ever want does things to me. protect him. he’s suffered too much. let at least one worldline’s version of him know happiness. and actually, aLL OF THEM DESERVE DOMESTIC BLISS TOGETHER IN A BIG OL MANSION WITH SUN AND FRESH AIR AND TENDER FAMILY MOMENTS UGH)

------

and there you have it, folks. you made it to the end. in the far, far distance, i’m cheering you on and crying my eyes out in gratitude. thanks for tuning in!

[peepeepotter]

Hogwarts: New Girl AU

A/N: Warning, some canonical changes were made for plot reasons, the biggest being: Harry and Ginny never dated; Harry, Neville, and Draco are all professors; George has a new WWW store in Hogsmeade. Also, she starts off living with the four guys whereas in New Girl she only lived with all four for about a season. I just thought it would be fun!! Also, when I wrote this it felt a lot longer than it ended up being—so let me know if this is too long or too short or just right!! P.S.: I do NOT condone transphobia (I’m LGBT and will defend trans people until the day I die) and obviously I feel JKR is a shitty person, I write because I like writing and we’ll all agree that 5 year old Daniel Radcliffe wrote the HP series :)

Chapter 1: Who’s That Girl?

Pairing: George x Female Reader

Warnings: Cursing

Words: 3k

Series Masterlist

-

“So, you know in horror movies when the girls are like "Oh my god, there's something in the basement. Let me just run down there in my underwear and see what's going on in the dark", and you're like "What is your problem? Call the aurors!", and she's like "Okay" but it's too late because she's already getting avada kedavra’d. Well, my story's kind of like that.” y/n said, remembering the borderline traumatic moment that happened two weeks ago.

-

Y/N sat in the back of a muggle taxi, on her way to her shared apartment with her boyfriend Cormac McLaggen. Only, incredibly uncomfortably, she was completely naked under a trench coat.

“It’s a surprise for Cormac. I’m just gonna walk in and drop my coat, like BAM. There it all is. He said he has this fantasy that I’m a veela with a heart of gold.” Y/N attempted to whisper into the phone speaker.

“You added the ‘heart of gold’ thing, didn’t you?” Ginny asked, chuckling and knowing full well that McLaggen wasn’t exactly a thoughtful person, and wouldn’t have included that in a sexual fantasy.

“Yeah. I wanted to really get into the character, you know?” Y/N tried to get into the fantasy more, hoping it would make her less uncomfortable.

“Oh really? What’s your veela name?”

“Uh...Fleur?”

“That ones taken, Y/N.”

“Whatever, I don’t need a veela name.”

“Either way, I’m so proud of you for getting out of your comfort zone! Good luck babe.” Ginny encouraged.

As Y/N walked into the apartment, she was trying to position herself sexily in the living room. She laid on her side on the couch. Too cliché. She propped herself on the back of the couch. Too masculine. Eventually Cormac entered the living room from the bedroom wearing only his boxers, making Y/N panic about the fantasy.

“Y/N! You’re back early! I wasn’t expecting you—“

Y/N dropped the trench coat. Immediately after a girl, Pansy Parkinson she recognized, followed McLaggen out of the bedroom. Their bedroom. And she was only wearing her underwear.

“Oh.”

-

“So that’s what happened and why I really need a new place to live. Anyway...what was the question?” Y/N smiled at the four men in front of her. They all looked traumatized by her story.

“Um, do you have any pets?” George asked.

“Oh, no I don’t. Sorry,” She chuckled awkwardly.

“You know what’s funny? When I saw your ad on DumbledoresList I thought you were women.” Y/N laughed. “Crazy, right?”

“Hold up, why would you think that?” Draco spoke before the other two could.

“Just some of the vocabulary used. Like sun-soaked and exposed brick daydream.”

“Draco you wrote exposed brick daydream? Oh my god,” George was nearly in tears with laughter, Harry and Neville following quickly. “Jar, right now, dude.”

“Yeah, jar, seriously. Five galleons.” Harry agreed, pointing to a jar on the mantle of he fireplace with a neon green post-it note labeled “Prick Jar.”

Draco rolled his eyes, getting up and putting the galleons in the jar.

Y/N coughed, trying to refocus the attention. “Look, I really like this apartment. I also really don’t want to live with my friend anymore. She’s a quidditch player...all her friends and roommates are quidditch players. They get into some real weird shit.” Y/N felt like she was pleading with them. Just let me stay here!

“Look I still don’t feel like we know enough—” George was interrupted by Draco.

“Oh, quidditch players? When can you move in?” Y/N grinned, hoping the promise of these three men meeting hot quidditch players would help.

“No, no, loft meeting. Bathroom.” Harry ordered, leading the way down the long hall to the bathroom at the end. When Y/N heard the door shut she quickly and silently followed, eavesdropping on the conversation.

“Come ON guys, she’s friends with quidditch players. Next to veela’s and the girls at Beauxbaton, that’s like the hottest girls in existence.” Draco begged the other two.

“The fact that you’re a professor now and you said that is like...incredibly disturbing.” Harry glared at Draco, George and Neville shaking their heads.

“Yeah, and my sister is a quidditch player so I don’t know about that.” George shuddered.

“I’m not going to lie to you guys, I don’t want a girl living here. Sometimes, I get home from a long day of teaching and I just want to strip and lay on the couch. Let the boys chill.” Harry casually shared. Y/N gagged at the thought, but the other three men in the bathroom made noises of agreement, or at least understandment of his statement.

“I am...actually neutral on this one.” Neville shrugged, causing Draco to scoff.

“You would be neutral on this.” Draco rolled his eyes, but directed his attention toward their fourth roommate. “Alright George, tie-breaker. It’s up to you. Is she in or out?”

“You guys know I don’t do well under pressure like this. Just give me a minute let me think.”

Both Harry and Draco started arguing with each other, putting George under more pressure to make a decision. He slowly backed himself into the stall in the bathroom and locked it. Neville watched everything play out, arms crossed with a smile on his face.

“Oh, now look what you’ve done!” Draco said, gesturing to the hiding George.

“What I’ve done! You started it—” Harry replied.

“Whatever, executive decision—she’s in.” Draco announced.

“YAY! I’m in!” Y/N exclaimed, not able to contain her excitement on the other side of the bathroom door. Draco opened the bathroom door.

“Nobody decided putting a silencing charm on the door would be a good idea?” Harry asked the boys in the bathroom.

“Oh you guys have a stall and urinals? Like a public bathroom? Okay, yeah I guess I can get used to that.” Y/N said, looking around the bathroom that reminded her a little too much of the bathrooms at Hogwarts.

“What do you do for a living anyway? Why do you want to live out here in Hogsmeade?” Draco asked as the group of five made their way back to the living room.

“I just became a professor at Hogwarts! I spent a really long time in both the muggle world and the magical world studying creatures. So, I’m taking over for Hagrid.” Y/N smiled, very excited to be doing her two favorite things in the world: working with animals, and teaching bright young minds.

“Oh, Harry, Neville and I are professors at Hogwarts too. I teach potions, Neville teaches herbology, and Harry teaches...Harry what fucking subject do you teach?” Draco crooked an eyebrow at Harry, purposely acting like he didn’t know what Harry taught.

“Defense against the dark arts.” Harry glared at Draco. “And George here just opened a new Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes shop in Hogsmeade.” Harry said, clapping George’s back. George sheepishly smiled at Y/N.

“Oh that’s awesome! I loved pranks at Ilvermorny. Cormac hated pranks.” Y/N started to tear up, staring off into space.

“George gets it, he was dumped, too.” Draco took his turn to clap his hand on George’s back this time.

“Yeah. Dumped,” George scoffed.

-

“George I just can’t do this anymore!” Angelina pleaded with George as he covered his ears, despite only the one really working.

“LALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU! WE CAN’T BREAK UP IF I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” George yelled.

-

“Yeah, I was dumped.” George shrugged. “What about it? It was like eight months ago Draco! Move past it. Pfft, dumped.” George got very heated over...seemingly very little, Y/N noticed.

“Ignore him, he’s still fragile. Which, you aren’t too fragile, right?” Draco asked.

“Pfft. I’m so tough. Don’t even worry about it.”

-

“We’ll always have Paris. We didn’t have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night. … And you never will. But I’ve got a job to do, too. Where I’m going, you can’t follow. What I’ve got to do, you can’t be any part of.” Y/N was screaming the words of the monologue from Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca at the television, the four men staring at her from the kitchen.

“Feel like we’ve made a mistake yet?” Harry asked Draco, who rolled his eyes and approached Y/N.

“Y/N, stop.” Draco turned the television off. “C’mon, you can’t be like this! You’re a strong woman! Strong women don’t cry over men who clearly didn’t deserve them in the first place! Strong women go out and hook up with strangers in the bar in Hogsmeade to get over their ain’t-shit exes.” Draco pulled Y/N up from off the couch. “Go take a shower. We’re going to the Three Broomsticks tonight and you’re hooking up with someone.” Draco pushed her in the direction of the bathroom.

“And that gentleman is how you take care of a crying woman. Not that any of you know how to handle women at all.” Draco snipped at the three men, who—to be fair—did not know how to deal with women at all.

-

At the Three Broomsticks, the four men watched Y/N absolutely fail at flirting with any even remotely viable man in the bar. Eventually Draco called her back over to the booth where the four men drank and talked about their days.

“Honey, you’ve got to stop doing whatever it is you were doing out there. In fact, you’re going to stop doing anything. You are going to go sit at the bar and look pretty until a man approaches you, and then you are going to smile and nod and agree to go out with him.” Draco nagged. The three other men were chuckling quietly as Y/N trudged to the bar, hoping for men to approach her.

“Anyway, what is this shit we’re chaperoning on Friday night?” Draco turned to Neville and Harry, hoping one of the two would know.

“I think it’s a school dance but like...not fun for the kids at all. Like I don’t think there’s actually any dancing at all.” Harry summed, confused as well. None of them had ever been to muggle high school, and did not understand what a “homecoming” dance was. The Muggle Studies professor suggested it might be fun for the first Friday back to school, and McGonagall agreed as long as the kids didn’t have too much contact on the dance floor. The Muggle Studies teacher explained to the three men that it was “middle school rules, no touching below the shoulders, room for Merlin in the middle.” if dancing were to be allowed. Neville, Harry, and Draco were clueless as to what that meant.

“Glad I won’t be in on that shit show.” George laughed, taking a sip of his drink.

“We actually signed you up.” Draco said nonchalantly, drinking his beer. George spat his beer out violently.

“Excuse me? I have to spend my Friday night watching a bunch of kids...do what? Drink butterbeer and sit on opposite ends of a room?!” George was clearly pissed off, wanting to have done literally anything else with his Friday night.

“I mean, you’ll see your brother.” Harry offered, which actually eased George’s tensions a bit. He smiled, missing his family.

“Oh, alright. Harry, you charmer, you always know how to get me.” George winked at Harry who waved him off.

“How are things going with you and uh...Loony?” Draco asked Neville. The three other men rolled their eyes, annoyed at how Draco still seemed to live in his own little world.

“Luna. And things are going...they’re going.” Neville shrugged, clueless to his own love life.

“Just as expected, he doesn’t know anything.” Draco shook his head at George and Harry, as if Neville’s cluelessness was their fault.

“Are you blaming—” Before Harry could finish accusing Draco of exactly what Draco was doing, Y/N came back from the bar, squealing about getting a date.

“What did you do?” Draco asked, smirking, just knowing he was right.

“I did what you said! I just smiled and nodded and said I wanted to hookup and he gave me his number and now we’re going out Friday night!” Y/N jumped up and down in tiny jumps, starting to fist-pump.

“This American is so weird sometimes.” Harry whispered.

“It’s endearing, I think.” Neville commented.

“Naive, maybe.” George rolled his eyes, the only one who seemed to notice that she blatantly told the man she would have sex with him.

-

When the night of her date rolled around, the four men found themselves with an unexpected floo guest.

“Ginny, what are you doing—” George stood.

“Who told her it was a good idea to get back out there again? That’s not your job, that’s my job. I’m her best friend, you guys are just some weird adult men living together. No offense brother, dear.” Ginny was in the living room, pointing an accusing finger at the men sat on the couch while Y/N was in her bedroom getting ready. Ginny was clearly ready to go out clubbing for the night, and was dressed in a short dress and very tall heels.

“None taken.” George rolled his eyes, plopping himself back on the couch.

“Now I’m going to go handle the mess you all created, thank you very much.” Ginny glared, walking over to Y/N’s room and walking in.

Y/N laid on the ground surrounded by clothes. Her hair and makeup was clearly done, but she seemed stumped on what to wear. She was currently wearing a witch hat, a crop top, sweatpants, and cowgirl boots.

“Y/N,” Ginny sighed. “What were you going for with this?” Ginny gestured up and down Y/N’s body.

“Witchy space cowgirl.” Y/N shrugged. “It seems like something you’d find in a porn anyway—”

“Here, let’s find you clothes that will actually get you laid.”

After about half an hour, Ginny emerged from Y/N’s room first, dressed in a crop top and sweatpants.

“Now presenting, the new but not improved, still absolutely perfect Y/N.” Ginny gestured towards Y/N’s bedroom, where Y/N emerged. She was wearing the short black sleeveless dress and tall heels Ginny had been wearing when she emerged from the floo. Draco let out a whistle, Harry and Neville started clapping, and George was sat, stunned. Well, until Y/N started fist pumping again, then they all started booing her.

“Don’t let me keep you guys, I know you have plans with a bunch of 11 to 17 year olds tonight.” Y/N giggled, watching as the men stood up at the reminder.

“Don’t worry, we’d rather be anywhere else. Even here watching your weird dancing.” Draco puffed, the other men agreeing.

-

“So yeah, that’s how we got a new roommate.” George explained to Fred, who’s hazy, ghostly form nodded.

“Believe it or not, I actually know her. I was her first friend here.” Fred grinned, pointing to himself. George wasn’t surprised. Ever since Fred died and became a ghost, Fred frequently felt lonely, and George knew that. Besides Peeves, he really didn’t have many friends. He couldn’t interrupt teachers while they were teaching, but since Care for Magical Creatures was not a required class, Y/N had a lot of free time. They bonded over pranks, baked goods, and George. “She’s so cute! You totally would’ve dated her a decade ago.” Fred teased his younger twin.

“Yeah, well, things change I guess.” George felt his phone vibrating in his pocket, and looked at the caller ID to find it as Madam Puddifoot’s store number. “One second.” He told his brother. “Madam Puddifoot?” George asked.

“George dearie, your friend Y/N here was stood up by her date. I figured someone should know, she’s in my shop crying and I have to close in,” she paused, clearly checking the time. “In a half hour. Do you think you could help?” George stood, already walking towards the school’s exit.

-

“Oh hello there.” Y/N sniffled, eyes red and puffy as she looked up to see George taking a seat in front of her. “Don’t you have a school dance you’re supposed to be chaperoning.” She furrowed her eyebrows, pointing a finger at him. She meant for it to be accusatory, but with red puffy eyes, George mostly found it (as Neville said) endearing.

“Some things are more important than watching boys and girls stand on opposite ends of a room.” He shrugged, reaching across the table and grabbing his friends hand. “Listen, real men don’t treat women the way you’ve been treated the past few weeks. I’m sorry you’re going through this. If it makes you feel better, sometimes I still call my ex and leave voicemails in a country accent.” George offered, making Y/N giggled, wiping lone tears.

“Well, you can always call me and talk to me in a country accent instead.” She shrugged, in an attempt to help him the way he’s come to help her. “Do you want to go home and watch—”

“Literally anything other than Casablanca, okay? I will watch whatever sad chick flick you want, but you have watched Casablanca like twenty times this week.” George puffed, standing up and reaching his hand out for Y/N. “Let’s go home and get drunk and cry.” He smiled. Y/N grinned, grabbing his hand and letting him walk her out of the shop. She was still embarrassed, but her heart felt a lot better knowing someone came to help her out of this feeling. She’d never admit it to George, but it was probably the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her.

-

When Draco, Neville, and Harry returned home, their suit jackets thrown over their shoulders and looking rather tired from dealing with teenagers all night, they found quite the sight for their sore eyes. George and Y/N were stood in front of the TV, clearly drunk, singing along to Heath Ledger’s character serenading Julia Stiles character in 10 Things I Hate About You. Draco, Neville, and Harry all looked at each other, shrugging. They dropped their suit coats and joined in, feeding the fire that was drunken George and Y/N.

And that was the end to Y/N’s first week in the loft above the Weasley’s Wizards Wheezes store in Hogsmeade.

Taglist: @yllwtaxi @ememseay

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[makeste]

not a cavalcade of Katsuki panels

damn, anon. you stone cold came for me with that last part. and just fyi to all onlookers, this was before I had posted the headcanons ask proving this exact point lmao.

but a challenge has been issued now! so I will do my best to pick a variety of impartial panels featuring a veritable medley of characters. not sure I can really provide much in the way of insightful analysis of symbolism and metaphors and stuff, but I can certainly type a lot of words about the pretty pictures, and about how cool people look when they’re standing around all serious surrounded by clouds of billowing smoke.

why I like it: I figured we’d start off strong. no point in holding back. can the other panels possibly even hope to compete. maybe. we’ll see.

why I like it: because, you see, he punched a giant robot, and it exploded. you see that, there? and the text was all “SMAASH” in humongous comic book letters, and it was pretty cool. also Deku is very tiny and the robot is very big. and just to clarify, most of the time if a tiny fifteen-year-old child tries to punch an 80-foot robot, it’s not actually going to go all that well, and the robot probably will not explode. but in this case it did! and so this is a very novel and unexpected outcome, which makes it all the more visually striking, which is a very good thing to be when you are trying to show off the brand new superpower which your protagonist just inherited, and letting people see it in action for the very first time.

why I like it: so you may have noticed we just skipped a whoooole bunch of chapters lol. this is because there are almost 300 of them, and so I’m going to have to use a bit of discretion. anyway so this is a gorgeous panel. just, everything about it. the lighting; the expressions; Shouto’s hesitation; and his mom facing away, not looking back yet, and us not yet knowing how she’ll react. and the fact that they’re visually separated by as much distance as possible -- at opposite ends of a two-page spread -- and yet they’re so close, closer than they’ve been in years. mm. anyway it’s pretty.

why I like it: first of all because there’s nothing like seeing a deserving character get punched in the fucking face, and few characters IMO have been as deserving as Stain. and second because this is Deku, showing up to save the day out of nowhere at the last minute, because excuse you, but he’s a motherfuckin’ hero. sorry to interrupt your evening plans of stabbing a kid while lecturing him about why, philosophically, he deserves to die. but I’ve got a package here for a Mister Stain. it’s from Mister Smaassh, with two A’s and three S’s.

why I like it: fyi, anon said nothing about a cavalcade of BakuDeku panels. you didn’t think I’d let that loophole go to waste, did you? but nonetheless I will try to restrain myself until we get to the second ground beta fight. anyway, I like this panel because All Might’s canonically 7′2″ self looks about twelve feet tall here, and he is just TOWERING over these two boys, who’ve been tasked with somehow outwitting him during this curiously sadistic final exam. and it’s just an interesting perspective, because we know they both look up to him, and here they are physically looking way, way up, up, up at him.

why I like it: now this is how you do a villain entrance. I love absolutely everything about this. the sheer scale of destruction, and the way he’s just sort of casually hanging out there in the middle of the panel almost dwarfed by all this dust and smoke and carnage, and yet is unquestionably the focus of the page. the way that you can’t actually see his face, not yet. not until the end of the chapter. the way the clouds are drifting so calmly and peacefully in the night sky in stark contrast to the horrific events that are about to take place on the ground. this panel gives me literal chills, especially when I think about All for One’s creepy theme music playing in the background.

why I like it: this panel is so iconic to me that it’s one of the first ones I immediately knew I had to go and find when I got this ask. this entire fight is perfection from start to finish, and there are other panels that are more artistically striking if I’m being honest (in particular, the ones where he’s half-transformed with his face perfectly split down the middle between Muscle Might and Skinny Steve). but there’s just something about his determination in this panel, though. something about the fire in his eyes, and the way he clenches his fist. “my heart is still the heart of the Symbol of Peace.” I remember being sooooo fucking anxious when his true form was revealed, wondering if this was it, if the people watching were going to turn on him, if he was going to lose both the fight and their faith. turns out I was wrong on both accounts. basically what I am trying to tell you guys is that this panel was and is still the most badass thing I’ve ever seen.

why I like it: because he’s just a frail old man doing what he can to protect the last flickering embers of the thing that enables him to fight on. there’s something so fucking desperate and yet so determined about this image. he knows it’s futile, but still he persists.

why I like it: damn it was hard to find a “you’re next” panel with just the right angle I like best. this is probably as close as it gets, but I kind of wish Deku was somehow visible in this image as well. but at any rate this is an amazing moment, and All Might is dramatic af for basically no reason but IT’S BADASS. “no I’m not going to actually look where I’m pointing. it’s cooler this way.” or was it because he wasn’t sure if he could keep the emotion off of his face if he actually turned and looked? in this moment of knowing that it was finally over for him, that he would never be the Symbol again, and knowing that he had no choice but to move on and entrust that burden to the next generation? damn.

why I like it: I... fucking... okay, here’s a fun fact. did you know that I still get emotional over this panel almost a full two years after reading it?? obviously a good 84% of it is the context -- All Might losing his power; Deku being forced to take up the mantle before he feels ready; All Might feeling responsible for him; and both of them being so desperately grateful to have each other in that moment. but don’t underestimate that remaining 16% either though! this is just an extremely well-drawn hug, on top of everything else. All Might pressing Deku’s head to his shoulder with his fingers laced in his hair is some mighty fine fiercely protective hug tropes there, you guys. and the way Deku is clinging to his shirt so tightly his knuckles have probably gone white?? while he cries?? while both of them cry? ON THE BEACH? WITH THE WAVES LAPPING SOFTLY AT THE SHORE IN THE PEACEFUL NIGHT AIR?? jesus fucking christ. this hug contains more emotions than I am capable of carrying inside me at once. I just sort of have to let them flow in and out little by little until they finally subside.

why I like it: you bet I skipped right from Kamino straight to Deku VS Kacchan Part 2. no regrets. anyway, so these two panels are an absolutely gorgeous one-two punch. so much has changed from the days when they were innocent little kids marching off into the woods to have adventures. they’ve changed. their relationship has changed. and yet, at the end of the day, Izuku is still willing to follow Katsuki even without being given any kind of explanation. and Katsuki still seeks out Izuku when he’s on the verge of having a spectacular emotional breakdown. because he doesn’t know who else to turn to. and because despite everything, there is trust there still, on some deep, fundamental level neither of them fully understands or knows how to acknowledge. anyway, so these two panels just give me a ton of feels all about the passage of time and how everything changes and how you can’t get back what’s lost, but also sometimes if you look deep enough you find that parts of it were never fully gone.

why I like it: because in a striking display of dramatic main character energy, these boys decided to stage their life-changing destiny-affirming rival fight on the coolest possible stage in the middle of the goddamn night. and then Katsuki made it even better by producing WAY MORE SMOKE than his attack by all rights should have produced! and then they went and crouched down all symmetrically so as to more poetically make intense eye contact at each other. I really like panels with smoke and/or dust clearing dramatically. there are like four more of them coming up on this list. what can I say. it’s cinematic.

why I like it: I actually had this one as my icon for a while. it’s rare imo to see an action panel that’s so balanced and has so much going on and is so clean and easy to read. both of their poses are so dynamic. I like the way the arc of Izuku’s kick is drawn, and I love the way you can clearly see that Katsuki propelled himself backwards with his quirk in order to dodge it. it’s just a really cool little panel that for me perfectly sums up the general feel of this fight, and its awesome choreography.

why I like it: actually you know what, before I go any further, let me skip ahead a bit and add three more panels with this same energy.

I just really, really love these rare moments when all differences between them are momentarily forgotten and they’re just two teenage boys caught up in the intense pressure of an awkward social situation. the one enemy neither of them is the least bit equipped to handle. anyways Horikoshi clearly enjoys it too because he seems to delight in drawing it over and over and over.

why I like it: because it’s more billowing smoke and dust. because it’s Endeavor, the guy we all swore we would never ever root for, and then 160 chapters later Horikoshi pulls this shit without an ounce of shame. because it’s All Might’s pose, but tweaked juuuuuust enough so that Enji can avoid copyright claims. because he knew that pose well enough to know which arm not to use. because Endeavor is a profoundly flawed human being, wholly incapable of filling the void All Might left behind. and yet he still tries. because it’s better than nothing, and because it’s all he can do. it’s the one thing he can do, his sole redeeming virtue. he tries. he doesn’t give up. anyway so yeah, Horikoshi didn’t have to take the single most unlikable person in the entire manga and give him the world’s most controversial and openly scorned redemption arc. but he did! and I think it’s one of the best things about this entire manga.

why I like it: because nothing in BnHA is just black and white!! it’s messy and layered and complex, just like in the real world. Shouto despised his dad for almost his entire life. with good reason! Enji was abusive and selfish and treated his son more like a prized possession than a person. we as readers are fully aware of all of this, and we sympathize with Shouto 100%, and that’s completely by design. Horikoshi is well aware of this. so for him to still give us this little moment, where Shouto is so relieved that Enji survived that he drops to the floor and presses his face against his hands in this little prayer gesture -- whatever you think it might mean -- is just so fucking powerful, and again speaks to his commitment to refusing to let anything in this series be completely clear-cut and unambiguous. I love that the characterization of Shouto and Natsu hating their dad exists side by side with the equally authentic characterization of them being terrified that they’re about to watch him die. because those two things aren’t contradictory! sometimes that’s just how it is. anyway so this is a beautiful moment of nuance that instantly adds so much to this relationship with just a single panel.

why I like it: for once the symbolism is so obvious that even I can’t fail to miss it! Izuku’s face half in light and half in shadow as he thinks about the power bestowed on him. “All for One’s power.” anyway so in my mind Izuku having AFO could not be any more fucking foreshadowed if he was wearing a freaking t-shirt with the Musketeers saying on it and the background was peppered with little Sistine Chapel-esque images of AFO giving his quirk to his brother lmao. but regardless of how it does end up playing out, this is nicely done.

why I like it: I wasn’t sure whether I should include this image, given that I just made a whole separate post about it a few days ago. but I just really like it, okay. this is one of the all-time great entrances in the series. Bakugou being perched on that pole for absolutely no reason other than to add visual interest. Todoroki’s hair blowing dramatically in the wind. Katsuki’s frayed pant hems and characteristically asymmetrical facial expression. the fact that you just know both of them spent the ride home with their faces pressed to the windows of their taxi cab hoping desperately for an opportunity to break in their brand new licenses, and then lo and behold. that’s amazing you guys. it’s almost like you’re main characters or something.

why I like it: they did great.

why I like it: because I lost my fucking shit at this fucking reveal and can you even blame me?? we knew coming in how much trouble Endeavor and Hawks had dealing with just one of these Noumus, and then Horikoshi goes and divulges that the villains have at least A DOZEN MORE waiting on standby. including Hood right there in the foreground, which is a fantastic touch! this panel, for me, almost instantaneously established the League as a legitimate threat once again, and gave me the kind of spine-tingly evil vibes I hadn’t felt since the Kamino arc. and while the payoff might not quite have lived up to my expectations, the Mirko fight at least was more than worth it.

why I like it: BILLOWING SMOKE AND DUST CLOUDS. you just see this vast landscape of destruction that Tomura has oh-so-casually wrought, and this once-powerful enemy utterly defeated on his hands and knees bowing before him. and it’s just like, oh. Tomura just became a fucking king, didn’t he. he finally stepped up and became the main villain. really the main villain, not just an awkward fumbling NEET whose adopted dad is not-so-secretly pulling all the strings. he did this himself. he went out and conquered and Awakened and won himself a fucking army. and he’s just standing there so cool and casual in the aftermath of it all. and then he goes “oh wait, you guys have money right, that means you can buy us the good sushi.” yes, Tomura. yes.

why I like it: um because this panel is fucking amazing?? hello?? do I really need to explain this one. the detail is jaw-dropping. he’s got the little scars which are either from the head wound that caused his death, or from his Noumufication. his expression is fucking heartbreaking, and the transition from Kumo to Kuro is so subtle and seamless, and yet it distinctly is both of them. this panel is gorgeous and fucking haunting and almost made me gasp when I first saw it.

why I like it: the decision to have the night sky take up so much of the space in the panel was [chef kiss]. nothing says existential like the night sky on a cold winter’s night.

why I like it: this is the best panel in the entire fucking series.

why I like it: dude. showing his actual family holding onto him with their hands in the same spot as the severed fashion!hands was a stroke of genius in and of itself. but combining that with the emotional tension of them desperately trying to hold him back and protect him from AFO?? that’s just so fucking smooth it’s almost inhuman. just how much meaning can you cram into a single image?? sometimes I wonder just how far in advance Horikoshi plans these things.

why I like it: guess I’m just a big fat sucker for panels of Tomura calmly standing around in the ruins of his own senseless destruction. the sense of scale on this one is really great, too. and yet again, those dust clouds. gotta love it.

why I like it: because Tomura literally appears out of nowhere, like he’s ripping a hole through the fabric of time and space. it’s so fucking sudden and he looks evil as FUCK, and Deku and Kacchan are totally caught off-guard, and it is scary. this is one of those panels that made me say “holy shit” out loud. in fact I practically screamed it. and the angles are all funky and weird, and the sky is all BLACK FOR NO REASON, and it really just feels like Tomura could reach right over and just MURDER THEM like it was nothing. just like that. this panel is so incredibly effective at conveying how hopelessly outclassed the boys are. they’re not even in his league, and it’s honestly terrifying.

and on that happy note, we have come to the end of my list of favorite panels! and I gotta say, it’s really gratifying that a good deal of them are from this year alone. I said it in another post a few days ago, but imo the overall quality of the series has been insanely high as of late, and it honestly just blows my mind whenever I stop to think about it. the art is still this good six years into the game. the story is still this good. we are spoiled goddammit.

[dokoni-mo]

Back Again, Together || Darth Vader x Reader (Chapter 7)

(A/N: goodbye, to a world. ) 

Link to Masterlist (contains all other chapters, as well as first part) : [x]

WARNINGS: canon-typical violence, cursing. 

Key: (F/N) = first name, (L/N) = last name

Word Count : ~6100

~~~

It was another one of those rare mornings where he woke up before you. 

You were surprised that you were able to get to sleep at all the night prior. 

Today was the day. 

Today, you and your lover were to face him. 

The Emperor. 

You felt nervous, yet calm at the same time as you got up and dressed that morning. Watching yourself change in the full-length mirror, your mind was able to wander in the silence between you and Vee. 

You believed what you told him before. You believed that there wasn’t anything the two of you couldn’t do while together. You believed that with all your heart. But, it didn’t negate the fact that the Emperor was a powerful man, and who knows how powerful he is now. Yes, your husband is a powerful man himself, but he hadn’t fought in years. Alongside this, he was still weakened from his first encounter with the Emperor, all those years ago on Endor. 

Endor… 

Stripping your shirt off of your torso, your eyes were met with the circular scar that freshly adorned your stomach. Your lips tightening into a line, you slowly and gingerly traced your fingers over the disturbed flesh, ignoring how cold you were in just your pants, belt, boots, and bra. 

You remembered back to when you didn’t have that scar. Coming to terms that it was now a permanent part of your body was… bittersweet. 

You got it for a good cause. You got to see your grandson…

You just wished it went differently. 

Sensing your emotions, Vee turned to you from across the room. Finishing up clipping his saber to his belt, he made his way over to you. Watching him in the mirror, a sad smile formed itself on your face as you watched his wrap his strong arms around your waist, his chest pressed against your back and his armored head rested on your shoulder. Instinctively, you rested your smaller arms upon his, tracing circles on the leather with your fingertips. 

Letting out a sigh through your nose, your voice came soon after. It was soft, small, just enough for him to hear. 

You sounded… tired. 

“Is it bad…” you asked, “That I’m not mad at him for it?” 

You lifted up one of your arms to touch your scar again. Vader noticed in the mirror how your sad smile had not faltered, a somewhat haunted look in your eyes. 

He disliked it. 

He never wanted for you to have more trauma. 

Was trauma the right word? He didn’t know. 

No matter what, he didn't like it. 

He only wanted the best for you. 

Yet, he understood what you were trying to say. 

“No, darling.” He responded to you, softly pressing the mouthpiece of his mask to your hair as his version of a kiss, “Not at all.” 

Another smile pressed itself into your face. It was still sad, yet happier than before. 

“I hope we get a chance to start over.” you said, “After all of this is done. I… I really want to meet him. Actually meet him.” 

Vader nuzzled the cheek of his mask against your shoulder. 

“We will, darling. I have no doubts that he will return.” 

Letting out a shallow breath through your nose, you turned your head to press a soft kiss against his mask. 

“You always know what to say, Vee.” 

“Of course, my dear. I have known you for many years.” 

You let out a chuckle, “I love you, Anakin Skywalker, you dork.” 

He let out a satisfied rumble, “And I love you far more than words, (F/N) (L/N).” 

~~~

The air around the resistance base was tense, yet determined. 

Stepping out of your quarters into the outside, you were greeted with the sight of many rebels running back and forth frantically. A large number of them were saying their goodbyes and good lucks to one another, while the rest were packing their things and prepping their ships. You and your love were to go with Rey on the falcon, but pushing through and maneuvering through the rebels made the two of you late. 

When you eventually got there, you were greeted with the sight of Finn and Poe helping to load the Falcon whilst Rey was talking with Leia. From the distance you were at, you weren’t able to make out what they were saying. What you could make out, however, was Leia giving over her lightsaber to Rey. 

A heartwarming sight, really. It almost made you feel bad about intruding on the conversation. 

Hand-in-hand with Vee, you walked up to the two women, a small yet somewhat pained smile on your face. 

“Looks like we have a new Jedi.” you said to the brunette young woman, making her smile. 

“Definitely.” Leia chimed in, “She’s earned it.” 

You turned to your daughter-in-law, “Are you sure you can’t come with us? We’ll really miss you out there…” 

“I can’t.” she responded, “I have to make sure everyone stays on course. Besides, I’m too old for that kinda stuff anymore.” 

You let out a chuckle, hugging on to Vee’s arm, “You’re old? How do you think that makes us feel?” 

With a rumble from your love and a chuckle from Leia, your daughter-in-law turned to her father, a small smile adorning her face. Your love tilted his head down to meet her gaze. Despite him having no outward control of his facial movements, you were able to read him like a damn book. 

He was worried, scared even. 

He didn’t want this to be the last time he saw his only remaining child.

Leia was able to pick up on it too. 

“Dad, it’s okay.” she said, “I’ll see you later tonight.” 

You watched as your love’s back stiffened at her words. Letting go of your hand, Vader stepped closer to his daughter, slowly and carefully resting his gloved hands on her shoulders as he addressed her. 

“How are you so certain, daughter?” 

Leia shrugged, despite the weight on her shoulders, “I just know.” 

Left speechless, Vader pulled his daughter in for a hug, one which she reciprocated happily. 

You couldn’t stop the smile that formed on your face. 

You hoped that Leia was right. 

~~~

The trip to the emperor was largely silent, except for the dull whirr of ship engines in the background. 

You recently learned that the planet you were going to was far out in the outer rim; nothing you had ever heard before. Exegol was what it was called. Sounds fun. 

Your love’s red saber clipped to your belt, you stood with your arms crossed across your chest, looking out the window side-by side with your lover. The two of you watched in silence as blue streaks of hyperdrive filled the window. 

No words were needed between the two of you. 

The thick haze of anticipation in the air was enough. 

~~~ 

When the falcon eventually fell out of hyperdrive, you were up in the cockpit of the falcon. 

The sight before you left a pit in your stomach. 

Littering the dull, grey sky were a vast plethora of x-wings on one side, and all the more Star Destroyers on the other. Streaks of lightning rolled across the sky in ribbons, illuminating the grey of the heavens in flashes of blue. On the ground was almost completely nothing, except for one large, completely black rectangle below. 

Your eyes were wide, your hands clammy. You had never seen so many damn Star Destroyers in your life, and you fucking worked for the empire. 

It was unbelievable. 

Almost immediately, you saw the rebel x-wings begin their attack, streaks of their blasters littering the expanse of the sky. 

“Holy shit.” Poe breathed out under his breath, looking up at the sky above. 

“You can say that again…” you mumbled back, your eyes still locked on the sight above you. 

From the other chair of the falcon, Rey shifted her gaze from the sky above to the controls before her, her lips parting as her dark eyes went wide. Noticing her movements, you shifted your gaze to her. 

“What is it?” you asked, your tone louder than before so that she could hear you. 

“I-It’s…” she began, darting her tongue across her lips, “It’s him. He knows we’re here already…” 

“Well we shouldn’t keep him waiting then.” you responded, quickly turning on your heel and exiting the cockpit of the Falcon. Your boots clanking down the hallway, you eventually were inside the main room of the Falcon, your eyes being greeted with your lover still staring out the window from before. 

“Vee.” you called out to him, tightening up your boots and your gloves, “It’s time to go. He knows we’re here.” 

Your love stared out the window for a moment longer in silence, assuming no special position as he eventually responded to you. 

“I am aware, darling.” he said plainly, his voice as deep as ever. 

Making sure his old red saber was clipped to your belt, you watched him as he slowly turned around to face you, his mask pointed right at your face. 

A small smile adorned your face, your hand finding a resting position on your hip. 

“Are you ready?” You asked him. 

It took him a moment to respond. 

“No.” 

You let out a soft, quick laugh. 

“Good. I’m not either.” 

~~~

Poe had lowered the falcon so that you, Vee, and Rey could be dropped off at the front door of the fortress. Sabers in hand, the three of you steadily approached the door. 

You couldn't help but watch the lightning above. It made you veer of course a couple of times, but your love was quick to call out your name, making you focus again.

The land of Exegol was desolate, grey even. There was absolutely nothing in sight, apart from the large, black box a few hundred feet away from the trio of you. You had thought this originally, but, as you drew nearer to the fortress, you were proven wrong. 

There, not too far from the door, was one long, pointed TIE fighter. 

Ben’s TIE fighter. 

Realization washing over the three of you, you and Vader watched as Rey ran ahead into the fortress, calling out Ben’s name in hopes that he would hear. Not too long after, you listened as she went silent, only the sound of lightning and ship engines filling the air. 

A sense of worry coming over you, you gave a quick look to Vader before rushing into the fortress yourself, your boots kicking up dust with the stroke of your run. 

Expecting to see the worst from within, your eyes went soft as a surprising sight filled your vision. Your chest heaving up and down with your heavy breaths, your run skirted to a stop, your boots digging in the ground below. 

There, upon the floor only a handful of feet away from you, was him. 

Your grandson. 

He had longsince abandoned his normal robes, instead wearing a simple pair of pants and shorts, his hair a mess as he held a blaster. He was knelt down, and holding onto Rey in a tight hug, one of which she seemed to be happily reciprocating. Ben’s face was buried in her shoulder, but it didn’t take him long to lift up his head again. As he did so, you watched as his expression changed as he saw your form. 

Was it a dream? A vision? 

He didn’t know.  

He was sure he…

He swallowed the forming lump in his throat before speaking. 

“G… Grandmother.” he said softly, making Rey turn in his grasp to face you as well. 

Hearing that word to him sounded so… foreign. It made your breathing return to normal as you processed the word, your head tilting slightly to the side. 

You should hate him. 

You should smack him for what he did, scold him at least. 

Were you going to? 

…

No. 

You weren’t. 

You didn’t hate him. 

You weren’t angry.

Even as you felt a buzz upon your scar. 

Even as his words echoed in your mind. 

Even as you remembered the cold feeling of the water. 

Putting all those unpleasant memories aside, you let yourself be faced with the truth. 

Your grandson was finally here. 

You felt a smile form on your face, your arms crossing across your chest. 

“Took you long enough, Ben.” you said to him, a hint of playfulness in your tone. 

You watched as Ben’s lips parted at your words, and continued to watch as he searched for the right words to say. 

Seeing the gears turn in his head, you knew what he meant before he even said it. 

“Grandmother, I…” he eventually began, finding it hard to look at you, “I… I’m so, so sorry. Please… I hope you can forgive me.” 

As much as you tried to fight against it, a chuckle escaped your lips. 

“I know, Ben. I know.” 

As if on cue, your love made his way to your side again, his cape fluttering behind him as his respirator filled the room. 

Your smile broadened, your eyes shooting up a quick glance up to your love before returning to Ben. 

“I don’t think I’m the most pissed off one about it.” you said to your grandson, your tone playful but sincere. 

Giving you one last look, Ben shifted his gaze over to your side, swallowing before addressing your love. 

“Gr-Grandfather, I…” he began, struggling again to find the right words, “I...I don’t-” 

Vader stopped Ben’s ramblings before he could continue. 

“Did you apologize to your grandmother, Ben?” he asked, his tone deathly serious. 

Your grandson nodded his head quickly, quicker than you’ve ever seen anyone do so before. 

“Good.” your love continued, placing his large hands on his belt, “I expect you to treat her with respect from now on.” 

“Right,” Rey cut in, helping Ben stand up as she did so herself, “Now that we have one more, me and Ben will make a distraction for the Emperor. Once he’s off guard, the two of you will go in for the kill. Is that a plan?” 

“Sounds like a plan to me.” you responded, looking up to the former sith lord by your side, “If it sounds like one to you, love.” 

He gave you a nod in response. 

~~~

The journey through the fortress was nerve-wracking to say the least. 

After stepping over the bodies of what was now the former Knights of Ren (slain by your grandson), the four of you stepped deeper into the fortress. You were surprised that no one else jumped out of the dark to try and kill the four of you, yet also scared at the same time. Did this mean that no one else but the Emperor was here? Most likely. 

Perhaps that was enough. 

With one last ascension into the fortress, the four of you were met with the sight of what looked to be a doorway, except the doors were pulled back in seeming anticipation. Beyond the doors, you were just able to make out the sight of what looked to be a large throne, accompanied by the occasional streak of lightning. 

Menacing. 

Rey and Ben turned around to you and your love, the former being the one to speak. 

“Right then,” she said, taking her saber off of her belt and gripping it tightly, “We’ll go in first. You two wait out here, and come in when it’s right.” 

You gave her a nod, “Be careful, you two.” 

“The force shall be with you, young Jedi.” your love chimed in, addressing both Rey and Ben. 

With one last look, the younger couple headed into the throne room before them, a low rumble resounding off of the walls. Watching them step into the throne room, they soon disappeared as they got far enough away, making you cross your arms over your chest. After a moment of silence, you turned up your head to Vee. 

“How long do you think they’ll last?” you asked him, your eyes still fixated on the sight before you. 

Suddenly, and without warning, your eyes picked up on quite the peculiar sight. Heading towards you at a highly rapid pace was a large, tall figure, seemingly holding something in it's arms. As it got closer, you were able to make out that it was Ben, holding a limp, somewhat lifeless Rey in his arms. Realizing this, you let out a gasp, running forward to meet your grandson halfway. 

“Not long.” Vader responded from behind you. 

“Ben!” you exclaimed, ignoring your lover’s comment, “What happened in there?!” 

“She-She tried her best,” he said, concern heavy in his voice as he lowered the girl to lay on the ground, “But it was too much. I tried helping her, but-” 

“It is quite alright, son.” Vader rumbled out, stepping up close to his grandson and resting a hand on his shoulder, “Stay here and make sure she is well. We shall take it from here.” 

After the initial shock of his grandfather touching him, Ben nodded his head in agreement, turning his attention back to Rey. 

Taking his hand off of Ben’s shoulder, your love turned to you, his armored head tilted slightly to the side. 

“Shall we, darling?” he asked. 

You felt a tightness in your chest in place of what should have been your answer. You did want to go. You did want to be there for your love, like you promised you would be. But, after seeing how quickly Rey and Ben were taken out…

It scared you. Terrified you, even. 

They both were much stronger than you… Hell, you were definitely the weakest one there…

You feared for you life. 

You wanted to run and hide, but instead, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath. 

You repeated in your head what you believed. 

There is nothing we can’t do, when the two of us are together.

Opening your eyes again to see your lover, you gave him a firm nod in affirmation. 

“Let’s go kick some ass, love.” you said, a determined smile adorning your face. 

Assuming a position next to you, Vader began to walk into the throne room of the fortress, picking up your pace to match his own. Walking next to him, you remarked about how calm he seemed, while you were there nearly shitting your pants. You wanted to ask him about it, but figured it was too late.

It was game time now. 

Waking deeper and deeper into the room, you were met with the sight of what you had suspected before: a large, spiky, black throne, surrounded by utter darkness. 

You felt a twinge of fear crawl through you. It made you unclip the saber off of your belt and ignite it, a glow of red illuminating your side with a low humm. 

Stopping a couple hundred feet away from the throne, you felt your hands start to become sweaty, making you wipe off the moisture on your pants and then regrip your saber. 

Seeing your actions from the corner of his masked eye and sensing your fear, your love pointed his mask down to you, the sound of his respirator filling your ears. 

“Darling.” he spoke out, making you shoot your gaze up to him. 

“It is alright. Stay close to me, you shall be safe.” he continued. 

His words giving you a sense of comfort, you allowed yourself to give him a smile, your eyes shining with love and pride. 

You felt…

You…

...

You couldn’t breathe. 

Your eyes widening in fear and your smile quickly fading, you tried again and again to take a breath, but to no avail. 

Vader was quick to notice this. 

“Darling?” he questioned, a layer of concern lacing his voice. 

Your hand shooting up to your throat, you tried again and again to gasp in a breath, only to be met with nothing. Your body starting to grow weak and stiff, you shot your other hand up to your throat, your saber dropping to the ground and unigniting. Your legs now too weak to keep you standing, you fell to the ashy ground with a thud, still trying to take in a breath as Vader knelt next to you. 

“Darling,” he echoed, panic starting to set in between the two of you, “Breathe, darling.” 

A voice came out from behind the shadows as you continued to wheeze and sputter. 

“How unfortunate.” 

Vader recognized the voice instantly. It took you a moment to realize. 

It was him. 

Stepping out of the shadows, in such evil glory, was him. 

The Emperor. 

He looked just the same as Vader remembered. 

“My old apprentice…” the emperor croaked out, his voice seeming to echo off of the walls, “You had no need to lie to her. You knew she was to die here, yet you let her come anyhow.” 

Vader stood up from his kneeling position, turning to face his former master with clenched fists. 

Your lover’s voice was far deeper than you had ever heard before. 

He unclipped his saber from his belt, igniting it and washing him in a blue light. 

“Let her go.” 

The Emperor simply laughed, you sputtering on the ground all the while. 

“As you wish.” he eventually said. A moment after, you felt a rush of cool, refreshing air enter your lungs, making you cough and sputter on the ground as you held onto your throat. 

You wanted to stand up again, but your muscles felt so weak. 

It made you want to cry. Not even ten minutes, and you were already beat. 

You refused to cry. 

You had to stay strong. You would stay strong. 

As you continued to breathe and cough on the ground, hoping to regain your strength, the Emperor spoke again, his old frame making it's way to be seated upon the throne. 

“I am disappointed in you, Lord Vader.” the emperor said, “You have allowed this girl to make you forget your purpose, your destiny as my successor.” 

Vader clenched his grip upon his saber, “No. (F/N) allowed me to see the truth. That is something that you never told me.” 

The emperor sneered, “I saw your future. You were to rule the galaxy, yet you gave it all up for such trivial matters. You could be so much stronger without her in the way. Just look at who you became without Padme Amidala.” 

There was that name again. 

Padme Amidala. 

You did know about her, and you knew that she came before you. 

You shook the bad thoughts out of your head. 

No. 

Now was not the time for them. 

You and him were in love, despite the past. 

Vader tilted his head to the side, “You may have taken her from me, but I shall not allow you to take (F/N) as well.”

You love now gripping his saber with both of his hands. 

“It is time for me to finish what I started.” 

The emperor let out another sneer, raising up his hands. 

“And it is time for you to die.” 

Raising up your head, you saw a blue glow start to emit out of the Emperor’s fingertips. 

You knew what was going to come. 

Acting out of instinct, you quickly picked up your saber t, screaming out a NO as you ignited it. As you ran over to your love, you watched as streaks of lightning came from the emperor’s fingertips, dangerously close to making contact with you lover. Igniting your saber, you crossed the blade over your body, putting a shield of you before Vee as your crimson saber absorbed the lighting. 

The force of the lightning pushed you back, the toes of your boots leaving lines in the ground. Your arms straining against the force, you bared your teeth with the sheer strength it took to keep the lighting off of your lover, your heart beating a mile a minute. 

Realizing this, the Emperor formed another sneer on his face. Summoning up all the power in him, he sent out a great, powerful pulse of lightning. Once it made contact with your saber, a large blast of blue light filled your vision, sending both you and your love flying backwards with the sheer force of it. 

Landing on the ground a few dozen feet away with a loud thud and hearing your saber unignite, you coughed again as the air was knocked out of you. A wave of pain washing over your back, you found it hard to stand up again. 

Rolling over onto your side, you saw your love on the ground as well, not moving all the much. 

Never in your life had you felt so powerless.

You tried your best to protect your love, and look where he is now. 

Who were you to think you could pull off something so daring? 

You barely had saber training before. 

You rolled back onto your back, staring up at the sky above you. 

You hadn’t noticed that there was no roof to this place until then. 

Looking up at the grey sky above, you saw the rebels fighting for their lives in their ships. You saw that there were a few ships you didn’t recognize too. 

The signal must have worked. 

Other people did come. 

You felt a sinking feeling inside of you. 

Those poor souls…

They didn’t know it was all in vain now. 

You had failed. 

Closing your eyes, you were ready to die. You were ready to slip into a sleep you would never wake up from. 

A voice coming from seemingly nowhere kept you from it. 

“Oh dear,” the voice said, “This is quite the mess, if I do say so myself.” 

You squinted open your eyes. 

You recognized that voice, from your hospital room. 

Opening your eyes fully, you noticed now the ships above were moving much, much more slowly, as if time were slowed just for you. 

You were perplexed. 

You sat up as best you could, finding that it took a long while to do. 

You couldn’t believe your eyes. 

There, standing before you, was three other people. One man and two women. 

Even if you had never met them before, you knew exactly who they were. 

You had heard countless stories about them. 

The man: Obi-Wan Kenobi. 

The togruta: Ahsoka Tano.

The human woman: Padme Amidala.

All three of them were looking directly at you as you sat on the ground. You would have been embarrassed about your disheveled appearance if it weren’t for how amazed you were. 

Darting your gaze between the three ghosts, you found it hard to speak. 

“Wh-What… I… I don’t..” you were able to croak out eventually. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, (F/N).” Ahsoka said with a small smile, cutting you off of your ramblings. 

You swallowed, “Why… Why are you all here?” 

“We came for a visit.” Obi-Wan said, his hand rested on his bearded chin, “It seems like you’re in quite the mess, Miss (F/N).” 

Your gaze dropped down briefly, “Yeah, but… shouldn’t you be visiting him instead? You know him better than I know you…” 

“That may be so,” Obi-Wan responded, “But I’m afraid Shmi wanted some time alone with her son.” 

You ears perked up at that name. 

Shmi Skywalker…

His mom. 

You wondered what she was saying to him. 

Ahsoka stepped forward and knelt down next to you, placing her glowing blue hand on your shoulder, “(F/N), you can’t give up now. The entire galaxy is depending on you.” 

You stared into her eyes for a moment before frowning. 

She was right, but…

“I...I can’t.” you breathed out, a lump forming in your throat, “I’m too damn weak to do anything. I just tried to protect him, but look where we are now. Even if he tries alone, he can’t withstand the lightning. It’s a lost cause…” 

“Oh, come now.” Obi-Wan chimed in, “You know that isn’t true. Do you remember what you told him? What you believe?” 

You picked up your gaze to look at the Jedi Master. 

“There’s nothing we can’t do,” you said, “when the two of us are together.” 

“Truer words have never been spoken, (F/N).” the senator from Naboo said to you, a smile on her face, “We’ve all seen what you have accomplished with him. This is what it has all led up to.” 

You moved your gaze over to Padme, a certain look entering your eyes, “Miss Amidala, I… I hope you’re no-” 

She cut you off with a giggle, “I’m not mad with you, (F/N). I’m glad he found you.” 

Staring at her a moment longer, you let your gaze drop to the floor again, another frown on your face. 

“How?” you asked, “How in the galaxy am I supposed to do this?” 

“Together.” Ahsoka said to you, standing back up again, “You do it together.” 

You felt the ground shake below you. Looking up to the ships above, you noticed how they were slowly starting to regain their normal speed. 

“It seems we’re running out of time.” Obi-Wan commented after a moment, noticing the shift in time himself. 

“What?” you asked, “N-No, wait, I-” 

“We can’t keep you here forever, (F/N).” Obi-Wan said to you, cutting you off from rambling, “You have to face what is ahead. You know what to do from here.” 

“Thousands of generations now live inside the two of you,” Ahsoka said, “And they’re all counting on you.” 

Your eyes darting between the three of them, you were at a loss of what to say. 

Feeling another rumble, Obi-Wan spoke again, “It seems our time is up. Take care, (F/N), and may the force be with you. I am glad we got to meet.” 

Watching as the three of them started to turn and walk away, you held out your hand to them. 

“W-Wait!” you called out, causing them to pause, turn, and look at you. 

“How can… how can I thank you?” 

The three of them exchanged a few looks before responding. 

Padme was the one to break the silence, a small smile on her face. 

“Love him for us.” she said, “Because our time, it was cut short.” 

And with that, they were gone. 

~~~

Opening your eyes with a gasp, you felt the surface of the ground beneath you. Realizing that you were still lying down, you turned on your side. Sure enough, you love was still there, and still not moving all the much. 

Looking over to the Emperor, you saw that he was sending many, many streaks of lightning up into the sky. Shifting your gaze to the sky, you noticed how the rebel ships were being fried and electrocuted, making their engines and guns fail. 

No. 

Quickly looking back to the ground, you found your saber again and scooped it into your grasp. Making sure that it was secure, you slowly crawled over to your love as best you could, your muscles aching and screaming in protest. Once close enough to him, you leaned over him with your free hand on his chest, gently shaking him as you looked into the eyes of his mask. 

“Vee.” you croaked out, your breath coming out him pants, “V-Vee, wake up. Come on, we gotta go. H-He’s still going. We gotta stop him. We…” 

You trailed off was you watched him stir, the breaths of his respirator coming out in wheezes. 

“(F/N)...” he rasped out, the eyes of his mask pointed at you. 

“Yes, love, it’s me.” you said to him, shaking him some more, “Come on, we gotta get up, we gotta-” 

“I saw her.” he rumbled out to you, “Darling, I saw...I saw my…” 

“I know, love, I know. I saw your friends, love.” you said to him, “I saw them. They told me… told me we have to keep going, Ani. We have to finish the job. For them, for Luke and Leia. We have to.” 

“Darling, I know… I know...but-” 

“No.” you said to him, your tone firm, “No, love, no buts. Do you remember what I said to you? Do you remember?” 

“There is nothing…” he begun.

“The two of us can’t do…” you continued. 

“When we are together.” he finished. 

You nodded your head quickly, “Do you still believe me, dear? When I say that?” 

“Yes, darling, I… I do.” 

“Then come, Ani. We have to stop him. We can go home afterwards, knowing that no one will ever be afraid again.” 

With that, you shifted yourself off of your love so that he could stand up. 

Together, you helped each other stand again. 

Together, you dusted each other off. 

Together, you regripped your sabers. 

Together, you ignited them. 

Together, you stepped forward again, making the emperor cease his lightning brigade. 

“No.” he said, “You were supposed to die.” 

“Never.” you hissed out, positioning your saber in a defensive stance, “Not while you’re still alive.” 

Another scowl appeared on the emperor’s ugly face. 

“So be it.” 

Lifting up his hands again, the Emperor was quick to shoot out another wave of lightning to you and Vader. Reacting quickly, you crossed your saber behind your love’s, deflecting all the lightning as flashes of blue, red, and purple washed over the pair of you. 

You could feel the energy on your skin. 

You should hear both you and Vader’s heartbeat beating in time. 

This was the moment. 

The moment you were destined to do together. 

The moment the force kept the two of you alive for. 

You were not going to let it go to waste. 

Looking over your shoulder to your love, you beckoned him to look at you with your eyes. Once he did so, the two of you shared a long, silent look between the two of you. 

Nothing was said. 

Nothing needed to be. 

All you gave each other was one, simple nod.

Returning your gazes back to the emperor, the two of you pushed your saber’s forward. As a result, the flurry of lightning was now directed back to it’s source, making it yell out in pain. Continuing the barrage, you and your love stood strong in your stances, watching as he  became more and more burnt and scarred. 

The ultimate payback. 

For years of torture. 

Enslavement. 

Fear. 

Loss. 

And darkness. 

No more. 

There would be no more. 

In one last final act of strength, the emperor lifted up his head to the two of you, lightning still pouring out of his fingertips. 

“You will never destroy me.” he croaked out, “I am all the sith.” 

You took in a breath before speaking. 

“And we…” you began. 

“Are all the Jedi.” Ani finished. 

With one last battle cry from you and and last push of your sabers, you and Vader shot back the remaining bits of lightning. With a loud cry, the Emperor was consumed in a large ball of blue light, and you watched as it built up it’s own tension then went away in a quick, loud flash and bang. 

The release off al the built up tension made you fall to your knees, with your love following suit not too long after. Your sabers unigiting, you breathed heavily whilst staring at the ground for a good while.

Did you do it? 

You were scared to look. 

Your body acting on it’s own, you looked up to the throne. 

…

Empty. 

Was it true? 

You looked up to the sky above. 

The Star Destroyers and TIEs were dropping from the sky. 

Could it be?

You sat back on your knees. 

“Is he…” you breathed out, pausing so that you could pant softly, “Is he gone?” 

You looked over to your love, on his knees next to you as he looked to the sky. 

It took him a moment to respond. 

…

“Yes, darling… He is.” 

Your lover looked to you, watching as your lips parted. 

You didn’t know what to say. 

You felt a lump forming in your throat. 

Instead of tamping it down, you allowed it to come. 

You allowed it to contort your face to tears. 

You allowed it to make your body fling into his, feeling his arms wrap around you and his mask buried in your shoulder. 

You did it. 

You did it, together. 

Crying there, in the expanse of nothingness that surrounded the two of you, you were happy. 

For the first time in decades…

The two of you were free. 

Everyone was free. 

Your words echoed in both of your heads. 

There is absolutely nothing…

The two of us cannot do…

When we are…

Together. 

~~~

TAGS: @spaghetti-666​ , @soullesstaco​ , @arsonistvoyager​ , @robin-obsessed​ , @glitter-rian , @captainrexstan​ , @easterncryptid , @deviatedwinter​ , @roseangel013bf​ , @danicalifxrnia​ , @dartheldur​ , @finest-trashbag​ , @yeah-boiiiiiiiiiii​ , @elongatedmusk-rat , @shads121​ , @muffinbeliever​ @sakuramadae​ , @padme-parker​ , @khapikat222 , @the-official-memester​ , @rens-angel​ , @obiwankenobiness​ , @yvette1703 , @missmannequin​ , @breakfastpizzagalaxy​ , @scarletsinsandsnowwithetragedies​ , @clearnostolgia , @ahs0ka-skywalker​ , @teddyteddy​ , @shherlxck​ , @theroyalbrownbarbie​

[newvegascowboy]

Hi, if I can be so bold and ask about two fics, could you do Ten Months: 9, 11, 15 and The Vilest Earth: 4, 7, 11? Or just one if its too much? <3

absolutely! tysm for the ask! <3

ten months

9. were there any alternate versions of this fic? 

yes! there’s a completely different version of month four sitting in my original draft of ten months. when i ended up rewriting month four, i got rid of quite a bit of stuff because i couldn’t make it work or i thought it was stupid. as for the ending of the fic, the last three chapters have been planned since the beginning :) 

i also have a little alternate ending fic that i played with where klaus goes home with Dave to meet Dave’s family and canon typical shenanigans ensue, but it’s more of something i like to think about on my own time rather than something i’ll probably ever write. 

11. what do you like best about this fic? 

ooh, tough. this might be an answer in two parts. 

i honestly am quite proud of the character work i did on the ocs i used. (or, most of them anyway). im pleased with their character arcs and i, for one, have a lot of fun writing their dialogue. 

i think though if i had to pick a favorite chapter, it would be month nine. i really really love the time travel conversation klaus and dave have and i think it turned out really well. i’d been waiting to get to that scene for so long and it was so gratifying. 

15. what did you learn from writing this fic? 

that i can, in fact, write a lot of words. Ten Months is the biggest cohesive project i’ve ever worked on, and when i finish ( I WILL) it may very well be over 200k words. i honestly never ever thought i could write so much and i think that is very sexy of me. 

the vilest earth 

4. what’s your favorite line of dialogue? 

“Well do you have a better one?” Klaus sits up. He shuffles over to Dave, resting his arms across his knees. Dave’s lips thin and he crosses his arms. Klaus says, “Your middle name is dumb.”

“Everyone’s middle name is dumb, and that’s not going to work.”

“David Joshua Katz.” Klaus wrinkles his nose. Reaching out, he pokes a finger through Dave’s chest. “That birthmark on the inside of your thigh looks like a profile of Herbert Hoover, you whistle off-key, and I don’t like that blue shirt you wear.”

more than one line of dialogue, but i had it written for a long time and it makes me smile. some lightheartedness after a lot of angst. 

7. where did the title come from? 

it comes from a Shakespeare quote! i first heard the line in a tv show (Evil, if anyone wants to know, and that show fucking rules. its on netflix) and the quote really stuck with me. i think it’s really poetic and beautiful, and really strikes at the heart about the nature of death. 

“Ill-weaved ambition, how much art thou shrunk! When that this body did contain a spirit a kingdom for it was to small a bound. But now two paces of the vilest earth are room enough”

11. what do you like most about this fic? 

i really like slowly introducing more of Klaus’ powers. there are a couple scenes i have written (that may take a while to get to, but y’know) but it’s super fun just having him dig deeper into himself and finding out just exactly what he can do. bonus everybody else being like “what the fuck? what the fuck???” 

[kraviolis]

lost in the in-between (or so it seems) - HLVRAI

Chapter: 1/5 Rating: Teen Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Gordon & The Science Team, Background Bubby/Coomer Words: 7k Additional Tags: Post-Canon, PTSD, Nightmares, Sleep Deprivation, Panic Attacks, Hurt/Comfort, Healing, Not A Game AU, Paranoia, Accidental Date Chaperoning, Zoo Day, Autistic Tommy Coolatta, Touch-Starved Gordon, Emotional Breakdowns, Romantic Relationships Are Not The Focus Content Warnings: Panic Attack, Drinking, Not Safe Decisions Summary:

(Sequel to “you gotta wonder what it meant”) It’s been a few weeks since their escape from Black Mesa, and Gordon is struggling with nightmares and intense panic without really understanding why. Everything feels like an uphill battle these days, and Gordon’s forgotten that asking for help is something he’s allowed to do and that his friends are ready and willing to provide it. 

AO3 LINK

____

“Gordon?”

Gordon jumps in his seat, jerking his head to look at whoever had said his name. He meets Dr. Coomer’s eyes, wide and uneasy. “Sorry, I just— what were we talking about?”

Gordon looks around the metal table, adjusting his head slightly to get the sun out of his eyes. Sunkist makes a soft whine from under the table, and everyone has paused in the middle of their meals. Bubby and Tommy are staring at him just like Dr. Coomer, all with varying expressions on their faces.

Bubby is frowning in annoyance at him. “Well, we were talking about how I’ve never been the zoo—“

“But then you started staring off into space and— and we got worried!” Tommy interrupts, clear concern on his face.

“Are you alright, Gordon?” Dr. Coomer asks him, his brows furrowed in worry.

“Yeah, I’m alright.” He assures them, a smile easily plastering on his face.

“Are you sure?” Bubby raises an eyebrow sharply in his direction.

“I’m sure.”

“Do you swear?” Tommy presses, putting down his fork that still had a bite of waffle on it.

“I—“ He frowns and blinks. “What’s with you guys? You usually take everything I say at face value.”

“You were staring at your omelette for a very long time, Gordon!” Dr. Coomer tells him. “It was rather worrying!”

“Guys, I’m fine. Honestly.” He sighs. “I might not be getting much sleep but that’s all—“

“Are you having nightmares, Mr. Freeman?” Tommy asks, pressing his knuckles to his mouth. “Nightmares about Bl-- Black Mesa?”

Gordon stops and looks at Tommy, tilting his head curiously. “Uh, yeah, actually. How did you know?”

“We’ve all been having nightmares.” Coomer tells Gordon, pressing his fingers together rather nervously. Tommy nods a confirmation.

“Not me.” Bubby states plainly.

“Oh,” Gordon blinks. “Why not?”

“Dr. Bubby was never built with the ability to dream!” Coomer informs him cheerfully.

“So, what, do you just do the thing where you wake up and it feels like no time’s passed at all?”

“Correct!” Dr. Coomer exclaims. “It’s the most efficient way to sleep!”

“Yeah, I guess it is. I’m a little jealous right now, honestly.” Gordon rubs at his facial hair with a small smile. “Though, it’s kinda sad to not have any dreams at all. They can be pretty fun sometimes.”

“Just rub it in, why don’t you?” Bubby crosses his arms and scowls.

“Don’t make fun of him for not being as privileged as you, Gordon! It’s bad form!”

“Ye— yeah, Mr. Freeman, that was kinda mean!”

“I was just—“ Gordon takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Bubby. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“Oh, you didn’t, but I forgive you anyways.”

“Right.” Gordon deadpans, and stands up. “Look, I gotta get going, guys, I have to keep looking for job openings. Thanks for brunch.”

He doesn’t have to reach down to give Sunkist a pet, the dog had been laying nearly under the table at her master’s feet but had perked up when Gordon stood. He grabs his leather jacket from the back of his chair and picks up his sunglasses from next to his half eaten omelette and empty coffee mug. He pauses though, and looks up to see all of them continuing to watch him carefully.

“What?” He asks, frowning. He tries to make eye contact with them individually but they all look away before he can. “What?”

“Mr. Freeman…” Tommy trails off, looking more concerned by the second.

“Are you really, very sure that you’re alright?” Dr. Coomer looks up at him almost shyly.

“Yes. I told you guys— what is this? What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“We’re just worried, Gordon.” Bubby says, sinking into his seat more. “You’ve been pretty out of it, recently.”

“Wh— dude, I just said—“

“We know you said you are but— but this has been going on for a while, now and—“ Tommy looks away again while blinking rapidly— and suddenly Gordon’s rising frustration fades instantly. Sunkist looks up at Tommy and shifts slightly so that her face is leaning on her master’s lap, nosing at his fidgety hands.

“Hey— Hey, I’m alright, Tommy!” Gordon puts his hands up and waves them around in an awkward attempt to console him. “I’m fine, okay?”

Dr. Coomer gives him a somewhat skeptical look. “Gordon...“ He trails off but doesn’t look away.

“Look, I just— Yes, I’ve been having nightmares but I’m a grown man. I pay bills, I have a doctorate from MIT in Theoretical Physics. I can handle a few nightmares.” Gordon sighs heavily, trying to let go of the tenseness in his shoulders. He attempts to put on a reassuring smile for them. “It’s nice to know that you worry about me so much, but I’ll be okay, guys. Really.”

The three of them share a glance at each other, communicating silently. When they look back to him, Bubby is the one who gives him a short, sharp nod. “Alright, then.”

“If you say so, Gordon!” Dr. Coomer smiles back at him.

Gordon’s own grin relaxes into something a little more genuine. He looks to Tommy, who is still fidgeting in his seat and avoiding eye contact. He glances up, once, before it falls back onto Sunkist. He gives him a gentle pet on Sunkist’s giant head and scrunches his eyes up for just a second before finally looking up at Gordon again, an unusual mixture of sternness and worry in his expression.

“Do you promise that you’re really okay, Mr. Freeman?” Tommy asks him, his voice low and quiet, obviously forcing himself to hold eye contact.

Gordon deflates a little, that firm pressure on his chest returning ever so slightly. “Tommy…” He murmurs, taken aback by his seriousness. He inhales. “I promise.”

Tommy shakes his head and brings his hand up, his little finger carefully extended. “You— you gotta pinky promise! You can’t ever break a pinky promise!”

Gordon raises an eyebrow and looks to the other scientists at the table. Bubby shrugs.

“If you break a ‘Pinky Promise’, you’ll be hunted by the entire U.S. Military and shot down like a rabid dog!” Dr. Coomer confirms cheerfully.

“Didn’t we kill them all?” Bubby points out. Coomer pauses for a moment to process this.

“If you break a ‘Pinky Promise’, you’ll be completely safe from the nonexistent U.S. Military— but you will be thoroughly shamed by all of us for lying!”

Gordon snorts and chuckles under his breath. He hesitates for just a second but he eventually hooks his right-hand pinky with Tommy’s, who perks up immediately.

“I pinky promise that I’m okay.” He says, and Tommy’s pleased grin lights up his face. They bob their hands, shaking on it, and Gordon pulls away to start putting on his jacket. “Now that we have that sorted, I honestly do have to go.”

“See you later, Gordon!” Dr. Coomer waves at him.

“Yeah! Bye, Mr. Freeman!” Tommy cheers.

“Is he going to finish this?” Bubby points at Gordon’s leftover omelette.

“I’ll see you guys later!” Gordon waves over his shoulder and walks away. He hops on the back of his motorcycle (parked just down the street from their brunch spot), replaces his normal glasses with his prescription sunglasses, and takes off.

He gives one last wave as he passes by their table and drives away feeling heavier than he has in days.

Gordon knows he isn’t exactly doing perfect. The fact that he even looked them all in the eyes and lied about it makes it all the more difficult in his attempt to contain it.

The nightmares… they weren’t normal nightmares. Not the kind he knew how to deal with, anyways. His throat would be hoarse when he woke up, flashing images still pounding against his skull like fists against a cage. He tried to forget about them the next morning but he was just so tired all the time, it was getting harder and harder to keep himself on track. The actual content of them varied, he never knew what to expect, but it was always horrifying enough to make him restless for the entire day.

For the past 2 weeks he’s been plagued by this— this shit and everything he’s done in an attempt to fix it has done nothing. They didn’t even start to happen until three days after—

After.

Gordon bites back a frustrated groan and clenches his right hand harder on the handle of his motorcycle. God, it’s like he can’t go just thirty minutes without thinking about fucking Benrey and Black Mesa and the week he spent in hell. He just wants to be able to live in the present, to be able to stop and smell the fucking flowers just for once in his life--

But he can’t. He can’t because that heaviness he’s felt, that distant feeling of dread, hasn’t gone away.

Gordon is losing his mind— again— trying to figure out why. Why he feels sick to his stomach all the time, why he can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore.

Why he can’t get rid of that invisible pressure on his ribcage like something is pushing down on him, trying to hold him in place.

Why he can’t stop thinking about that night— seeing the tenderness in Benrey’s face melt into the closest thing the man had to fury.

(Benrey was like a brick wall to him at first, but now he’s practically an open book.)

(He really does not want to think about why that is.)

Gordon wants to move on and forget about Black Mesa, about Benrey, but every single time he finds himself alone and sitting in silence his thoughts always drift back.

He thinks about the grin Benrey gave him when he agreed to play video games with him. He thinks about the pure joy he saw on his face as he threw his head back and laughed so hard at Gordon’s baby raging. He thinks about how it took only minutes for him to check on him, the concern in his voice through the door, his carefulness, the way he tensed before melting into his touch, the way he was swaying when Gordon leaned closer—

Gordon thinks about the expression on Benrey’s face as he was calling him out on the damn mind fuckery he was throwing at him and he feels like he wants to throw up.

He remembers how he just stood there, after Benrey had slammed the door in his face like a child. He’d just… stood there. His hands shaking and his heart pounding and the fading adrenaline making him feel woozy. He had stood there and stared at the door as if he would come back, as if his giant head would phase right through to taunt him, as if he would see a skeleton in the corner of his eye.

He’d stood there for a long time.

Benrey didn’t come back.

So he’s here, just trying to forget about it. Forget about him. Write it all off as a PTSD nightmare and ignore the physical evidence that he was ever even there.

To Gordon, Benrey was dead.

(He wasn’t and you know it.)

Benrey was fucking with his head again.

(The look in his eyes— would he be able to fake that kind of hurt?)

Benrey left, he left, and he’s not coming back.

(Please, God, come back—)

Gordon shakes the thought from his head and grits his teeth. He doesn’t have time for this. He needs to be thinking about anything else but this. Everything’s gonna go to absolute shit if he doesn’t get his head on straight.

He— he can’t get caught up in all this shit. It happened and it’s done with and he needs to move on. He can’t change what happened but he refuses to let the past control him like this. Gordon fucking refuses.

He’s putting his foot down here and now. The past is in the past. Taking back control of his life is what he needs to focus on. Keeping up with his commitments and responsibilities. Not letting himself spiral. Forcing himself to forget it all. There’s no point in hanging onto this! None! He got out and he’s safe and his friends are safe and he’s back to living his life to the fullest.

Alright. What does he have to do?

He needs to do more job searching, maybe buff up his resume. Dr. Coomer had mentioned that they needed a new physics professor at the state university in the city— he could get in contact with them. He was a TA for a short time while getting his PhD.

Oh-- Joshua is visiting for the weekend, and it’s Thursday. He needs to clean the house and pick up juice and snacks for him.

He takes a deep breath as he stops at a light and exhales long and slow. Okay. One step at time, he’s gonna get back on stable footing and leave everything else behind him. He’s moving on and forgetting about all of it.

He’s ready to take it all on.

———

When Gordon gets home the next evening he shrugs off his suit jacket, drops his wallet and keys in the bowl near the door, loosens his tie, and faceplants into his sofa with a groan.

That job interview went so shit.

He’d zoned out seven times in 15 minutes, asking multiple times for the interviewers to repeat the question, and had literally fallen asleep while waiting. He’d had a nightmare the night before, and something in it was so visceral and terrifying that it’s been stuck in his head all day. Curling in his gut like a parasite and making him jumpy.

(He had been back in Black Mesa, in it. Alone. Utterly alone.)

(The worst ones are always the ones where he didn’t have anyone watching his back. No one to distract him from the real horror that was happening. The things that he did, too.)

(No one with him as he stares into giant, dark eyes and struggles to fight against something so much bigger than he could ever understand.)

Despite all his preparation— he’d laminated his resume and ironed his suit with a pot off the stove because his steamer had gotten jammed, goddamnit— they’d told him they would call him in a tone that actually said that they would not be calling him.

Gordon groans again and reaches up to tug the hair tie out of his hair, throwing it on the coffee table, letting his hair fall to his shoulders. This was the third damn interview that he’d fucked up this month. He was going to run out of options and start applying for jobs that he was far too overqualified for. Maybe he’d have to throw his MIT doctorate in the trash because that’s all it’s fucking good for, apparently!

“Graduated summa cum laude and this is what I get,” Gordon laments to the empty house. “Nightmares about alien dimensions and a non-recyclable radiation suit that’s just a glorified pile of paper weights.”

He sighs. That was a good joke. If only someone was here to laugh at it with him.

(Benrey would have laughed.)

Gordon doesn’t have the energy to even be upset that he’s come back around to Benrey. He just feels so, so tired. Everything seems so… small, compared to what he’s gone through.

Maybe he should rob a bank. Gordon huffs out a single laugh at the thought, but still tucks it away for a rainy day.

The laugh melts into a sigh. It’s been weeks. Weeks and weeks of this. Rejected applications, failed job interviews, ignored calls and giving out resumes like candy on Halloween. He sees Joshua on the weekends, has Skype calls and brunches with the Science Team and even Darnold, once— but everything else has been nothing but pain and frustration and more pain. Something’s gonna make him snap one of these days.

Gordon presses his palms into his ryes. He needs— he needs a fucking break. A break from job hunting, from resume editing, from being a dad, from any and all reminders of Black Mesa. Like a cruise, or a vacation to somewhere tropical, or just a night out.

Gordon sits up a little.

That’s… not a bad idea, actually.

He pulls himself up fully and feels something almost like excitement bubbling in his chest.

Oh, this is a great idea.

It takes some time for Gordon to get ready. He hasn’t done this in a long time— not since he graduated and moved out west for his fancy new lab job. It’s downright exhilarating to be going through the motions again, the small little routine he’d been so fond of ever since he was an undergrad.

Gordon goes through his closet, finding his favorite— and best— outfit he’s ever owned. He has to squeeze into it a little but it’s just as incredible as he remembers— all dark navy with gold accents and a small splash orange. He gels his hair back, puts the ponytail back in, trims his beard, and trades the glasses for contacts.

When he’s done he leans back in the mirror and gets a good look at himself. Shirt buttoned down just enough to be classy and attractive, the gold studs in his ears, and flashy watch. His eyes unhidden from his glasses and with just enough mascara to make his lashes pop without it being obvious.

Gordon smiles at his reflection and strikes a few poses, giggling like a maniac because of how incredibly giddy he was to doll himself up like this again. He realizes how much he missed it now, and makes a silent promise to do it more often.

“Damn, I look nice as fuck.” He laughs, pulling out his phone. “I have to send a pic to the—“

He pauses, though. Wasn’t this supposed to be his night off? No more reminders of the bad shit, and — even if they didn’t mean to be— Tommy, Bubby, and Dr. Coomer were all living, breathing reminders of the bad shit.

Gordon hesitates for a moment, frowning. He settles to take just a couple pictures of his outfit and send one to them tomorrow.

Tonight, he’s letting himself forget.

———

When Gordon steps into the club’s doors, he finds his smile turning into a wide grin.

The bass from inside the club can be felt from outside, each thump echoes in his teeth and rings in his ears. The music is loud and the lights are flashing bright, neon colors are everywhere and constantly moving.

Rainbows adorn nearly every wall, every Mardi Gras necklace, every drag queen, every bead bracelet. The smell of sweat and alcohol is so strong and makes his head swim (painfully) pleasantly, he already feels drunk on just the feeling of being one with the crowd.

Gordon expertly maneuvers right to the bar, ready to calm that already-building (terror) anxiety in his gut with something sweet and fruity. He carefully avoids touching someone completely covered in glitter and orders one of the more expensive cocktails.

The drink is perfectly sweet and fruity and warms his stomach in such a comforting way. He smacks his lips and grins and gives the bartender a generous tip before leaning against the bar.

He stands there long enough to finish a second drink and get started on a third. Just watching the crowd, feeling the music in his chest and letting himself float on the (terrifying) euphoric feeling of being (trapped) encased in a crowd of (potential enemies) people.

Gordon sighs happily.

(Gordon sighs timidly.)

“Hey.”

Gordon (snaps) turns his head to look at the person addressing him.

They’re tall— taller than Gordon by a good couple inches— with a face Gordon can’t come up with a descriptor for other than very, VERY handsome. Their voice is deep, baritone, and they’re wearing a simple but rather catching outfit.

Gordon smiles at them, the warmth in his stomach making him feel bold (tense). “Hey.”

“I haven’t seen you around before— you new in town?”

Gordon laughs (nervously) a little. “I live here, I just don’t get out much. My schedule usually doesn’t give me much free time.”

The stranger grins and pretends to sigh sadly. “That’s a real shame— you’ve got such a nice face, you should be able to show it off more.”

Gordon’s face warms at the flirting and he quickly takes another gulp to (drown) encourage the (anxious) pleased feeling pooling in his abdomen.

The two of them begin to go back and forth, the stranger flirting more and more and Gordon slowly unraveling and relaxing.

It’s so refreshing to just have a normal conversation like this, no having to answer 5 year questions or herding the other person around in some attempt to stay on topic. He can say something funny and get a laugh instead of blank stares and a cut off greeting. He can flutter his eyelashes and watch them do the same and see them pick up every single signal he’s giving them without any misunderstandings.

(He feels guilty just thinking this— all he’s doing is blaming the Science Team for things they can’t help and things that don’t even really bother him.)

His heart rate kicks up when the stranger leans in a little more and opens their mouth— just enough for Gordon to pick up their intentions. Gordon tells himself that it’s just attraction. He’s attracted to them, they’re attracted to him, it’s all so flattering (nauseating) and overwhelming to feel a mutual attraction like this after years.

(Except he knows what attraction feels like and it’s not this—)

(Except there’s no butterflies, no warm pools, no slow motion effect, no startled inhale when he touches them gently, no softness or tenderness in their expression as they don’t look at him all wide eyed and red-faced—)

(Except they’re too tall, too slim, too nice, too gentle, too normal—)

His face flushes in delight (shame) as he wets his lips with his tongue. They smile a little as they watch him do it and they move a little faster

(He looks into their dark brown eyes— so different from icy blue— and sees only hunger.)

Gordon leans forward just as they do, closing his eyes. The warmth is his stomach is heavy and anchoring.

(The warmth is gone. There’s nothing but dread left.)

Their lips crash into his and it’s so— unceremonious, so anticlimactic. It’s cold and robotic and it makes his stomach clip into the floor. They’re pressing a hand to his jaw and chills are going down his spine as he just methodically goes through the motions.

(Would it have been just like this, he wonders? Or would it have been better— nicer?)

(It would have been better solely because of the fact that it would have been him Gordon kissed.)

His jaw moves and his head tilts just enough and he moves his hand from their hip to their waist and he feels wrong.

(They taste like rum and coke and Gordon wishes it was blue raspberry.)

It’s over just as quickly as it started and Gordon shudders as they pull away. He gasps sharply and pants, blinking rapidly as he opens his eyes. His mind is foggy— Why is his mind so foggy? He needs— it’s just the alcohol, he just needs to drink more—

He withdraws from touching them entirely— putting a finger up when they begin to question— and shakily reaches for his drink before tipping the rest of it back. It burns now and he chokes on it, swallowing forcefully and wheezing. He leans heavily on the bar and swallows again, his mouth watering as his stomach lurches.

The room is spinning— round and round again and Gordon can feel his heart pounding against his ribcage, desperate and crying for more oxygen and he’s trying— he’s trying so hard but his lungs aren’t fucking working— he can’t breathe— he can’t see—

Something grabs him by the arm and forcibly drags him away from the bar. He stumbles, grasping onto whatever it is in a desperate attempt to stay standing when his knees begin to give out.

His head is throbbing so painfully and his vision is swimming and there’s a voice in his ear saying something but it's so far away, now—

The cold October air hits him like an explosion. Every single cell in his body flinches when he is pulled outside, but it feels like his mind clears up in a single instant. He gasps again and can’t repress the relieved sob that forces its way out of his throat as he’s gently sat down on the pavement.

Gordon tries to breathe in the fresh air but his lungs stutter and he sobs again and he’s crying— fuck, he’s crying—

“Come on, guy— just breathe, in and out.” The stranger tells him with a gentle hand on his back. “It’s okay. It’s fine. Just breathe.

He does what they say but God, this is so humiliating. He hates this, he hates that he’s fucking doing this in public, he hates his fucked up brain and his stupid lungs for— for not even doing what they’re supposed to.

Gordon presses his palms into his eyes and shudders out a breath before swallowing and trying again. He follows the stranger’s lead, trying to match his breaths to their own exaggerated ones.

Eventually— when he has a more solid grip on his breathing— he leans his head against the exposed brick against his back and keeps his eyes closed. The cold wind bites at his damp cheeks and goes right through his clothes.

“Hey, you back with me?” They say jokingly and Gordon grimaces.

“I’m sorry,” He blurts out. “God, I’m really sorry. About everything. I didn’t— I’m— I’m sorry, I should just— go.” He stands up slowly, leaning heavy against the brick, willing his legs to stop shaking.

“H— hey, man—“ They call after him, but he ignores them as he walks away. He can’t— he can’t stand being in their presence anymore. The shame burns his throat and his face— if he fucks up anymore tonight he’s not sure he could take it.

So he walks away. Down the alley and out onto the packed street, each of his steps is harder than the last. Gordon walks for a while just to get his legs to stop feeling like jelly and to sober himself up. He can barely think past the burning shame, so he tries not to.

When he finally flags down a cab, his fingers are numb as he settles in the back seat.

The car ride is silent and suffocating, the sound of pop music makes Gordon’s head throb. The driver doesn’t say anything outside of asking for his address but Gordon can feel their judging eyes pressing into him. He ignores them and watches out the window the whole time. He looks at his reflection and sees the black streaks running down his face and not-so-subtly rubs them away. The driver continues to keep silent.

When he gets home, he stumbles out of the cab after shoving a couple bills into the driver’s hand. They speed off and Gordon’s left standing on the sidewalk in front of his house.

He slowly walks inside, going through his ritual as if he was on autopilot. Keys, wallet, shoes, jacket. He makes his way into the bathroom and goes through his ritual there, too. Contacts, ponytail, shower.

Gordon turns the water on as hot as it’ll go. He doesn’t wait to step in once he’s got his clothes off, letting the icy water slowly warm as he just... goes through the motions. Body, hair, face.

Until he’s left standing under the steaming spray, burning into his skin. Not willing to get out just yet. And so he has no other choice but to think about it.

That— that was a stupid idea.

Gordon drops to the floor of his tub and brings his knees to his chest, ducking his head between them. The shower rains hot water onto him.

What the fuck was he thinking?

Gordon isn’t a young, dumb, childless college kid anymore. He— he can’t be doing shit like that! He can’t be going out just to kiss strangers before he even tells them his goddamn name— he can’t believe he let himself act so recklessly. Tonight could have gone so, so much worse if he hadn’t had that panic attack.

What even was the point of it all? It wasn’t just to have a break and he knows it— he knows his brain, Gordon knows that there was something else—

(Icy blue eyes and a startled expression and so soft, so soft—)

He wants to tear his fucking hair out.

Why? Why why why? Why him? Dear God, why does it have to be Gordon that has to deal with this— this shit. He’s a good person! He gives out his spare change, he compliments strangers, he puts things back on the correct shelf if he changes his mind— he doesn’t deserve to have his head continuously fucked with!

It’s such bullshit for Benrey to have left for good and for Gordon to still have to put up with his stupid mind tricks. He doesn’t want to think about him anymore— he doesn’t want to want him anymore! Every fucking time he closes his eyes Gordon sees his stupid fucking face.

And that’s the problem, isn’t it? It’s Gordon’s fault this keeps happening— his brain refuses to dream of anything else. It’s just nightmare after nightmare of Benrey, Benrey, Benrey. His own goddamn brain isn’t even on his side here.

He sighs and digs his fingers into his arms. Being angry doesn’t fix anything, though. He can be angry and upset all he wants but it won’t make anything better. He has to suck it up and do something about it. There’ll be time for anger later.

“C’mon, Gordon, think.” He urges himself on. What can he do? How does he fix himself? How does he stop the nightmares— how does he stop thinking about Benrey?

Gordon almost laughs when he realizes the easiest solution to this issue.

He just needs to stop sleeping.

No more nightmares, no more fear— in fact, it would give him more time to do the things he needs to! And, yeah, it wouldn’t— couldn’t last forever, but it’ll be okay for a little bit. Just enough time to find a more stable solution. He knows that from experience while studying for his doctorate at MIT.

Plus, it’s not like he necessarily needs to sleep every night like he did in Black Mesa— he has abundant access to the good ol’ combo of sweet, sweet caffeine and taurine.

He leaves the shower and gets dressed in casual daywear instead of something comfy— he can’t risk falling asleep, after all.

He makes a pot of coffee and gets himself a mug to enjoy at the lovely hour of eleven at night.

It has to have some sort of Pavlov effect on him, because the second he sits down at his computer with a cup of coffee and damp hair still resting on his shoulders his brain shifts into productivity mode. Gordon gets right into working on various cover letters, writing emails, sending voicemails and editing his resume as the time passes. He drains his cup and refills it a lot as he works, taking small 5 minute breaks to watch the coffee drip.

It’s not until he goes to make more coffee and finds an empty canister does he stop to look at the time. When he looks to his oven clock he frowns and double checks the clock on his desk. The same time. That— that can’t be right. If it really was that long— it’s only been 3 hours at most.

He quickly goes to his living room window and opens the curtains and is blinded by sunlight.

Gordon blinks. He— did he really just spend the entire night getting shit done? A laugh bubbles up and out of his chest.

“Holy shit,” Gordon grins. “This— this is fucking awesome.”

Practically bouncing on his feet, he grabs his keys and wallet to head to the closest convenience store. He pauses for a second and decides to grab the keys to his shitty station wagon— the one he bought off Craigslist when Joshua had been born.

Gordon greets everyone he sees with a wave and a smile when he goes into the small gas station store. He makes a b-line straight to the coffee and grabs a big container. Then, he catches sight of the energy drink section.

As he deliberates on which flavors to get, his phone rings. He jumps a little, startled by the sudden noise, but quickly fishes the phone from his pockets and answers without looking at the Caller ID

“Gordon Freeman.”

“Good morning, Mr. Freeman!” Tommy’s voice comes through clearly, and Gordon smiles at it.

“Hey, Tommy! What’s up, man?”

“Oh I’m just— just on my way over to Dr. Coomer’s and Dr. Bubby’s house!” He tells him. “I’m so excited for today! It’s gonna— It’s gonna be amazing!”

“Oh yeah?” Gordon hums as he grabs a couple blue-colored Mountain Dew Amped Game Fuel cans. “Why’s that?”

Tommy pauses on the other side of the line and Gordon frowns. “Tommy? You okay?”

The man laughs. “Oh! You— that’s a good one, Mr. Freeman! You— I almost— I thought you’d forgotten about taking us all to the zoo today!”

Gordon chokes on his own spit and proceeds to hack out a lung. “Nope!” He wheezes into his phone. “Nuh— hrg— no way! I’d— I’d never forget that!”

Gordon tucks the phone in between his shoulder and face begins to frantically grab snacks off the nearest shelf.

“Yeah! I would— it’s— I would hate for you to forget and miss out on all the fun we— that we’re gonna have!”

“Yeah,” Gordon squeaks. He grabs a cooler and starts throwing sodas into it. “We— we wouldn’t, uh, wouldn’t want that! Nope!”

“...Are you feeling alright, Mr. Freeman?” Tommy asks. “You sound strained!”

“I’m fine,” He hisses through his teeth as he drags the cooler to the front and throws his card on the counter before running back to grab a bag of ice. “I’m— I’m just— exercising! Gotta— gotta keep up my daily routine!”

“Wow, I didn’t know you have an exercise routine!”

“Yep!” He huffs out, dropping the bag on the counter and leaning against it as the clerk scans all the soda and snacks. “Gotta stay fit! You know how it is— anyways, what um— sorry, what time did I say I was picking you guys up?”

“In fifteen minutes!” Tommy tells him, and Gordon’s smile becomes manic as the clerk continues to slowly scan each soda. “Oh— Hi, Dr. Coomer! Hi, Dr. Bubby!”

Gordon hears Bubby and Coomer greet Tommy as he supposedly arrives at their home. “Listen, I’ll see you in a few minutes, okay Tommy?” He says as he struggles with inputting his pin number.

“Ok, Mr. Freeman!” Tommy says. “See you soon!”

Gordon hangs up and shoves his phone into his pocket. He thanks the clerk and lugs everything out to his car, thanking the universe for granting him this one pass of him taking the car to the store instead of his motorcycle. He gets the cooler situated in the back— now full of ice, soda, and snacks for the team— and hightails it towards Bubby and Coomer’s home.

It takes only ten minutes to arrive when it normally would take twenty.

Gordon does not know how this happened. He will not talk about how this happened.

He pulls up to the pair’s home and sighs heavily, sinking low into his seat as he watches Tommy, Bubby, and Coomer all meander up to the car.

“Hello, Gordon!” Dr. Coomer greets him, taking the passenger seat.

“Hey, Dr. Coomer,” Gordon greets him, exhaustion creeping into his voice.

“Hi, Mr. Freeman!” Tommy smiles as he climbs into the back.

“You got here early, Gordon.” Bubby says.

“Yep,” He replies, popping the ‘p’. “I brought some snacks, by the way, so that we don’t have to buy mediocre and overpriced bullshit—“

“Is there soda?” Dr. Coomer lights up, looking to Gordon as Tommy and Bubby begin to root around in the back for the cooler.

“Yeah, I got—“ He hears the dual crack of soda cans and sees Dr. Coomer’s head snap to look at Bubby and Tommy so fast that Gordon wonders if he broke his fucking neck for a second.

“My dear Bubby!” Coomer gasps, scandalized. “Are you drinking a Soda without offering me one?”

“N— No! I was just— opening one for you!” Bubby insists and shoves the open Pepsi at Coomer. “Here!”

Coomer doesn’t hesitate before guzzling the entire thing and crushing the can in his hand like a grape. “Oh, Professor, you’re always so thoughtful!”

Gordon doesn’t miss the quiet, dejected grumble of “It’s doctor,” from the backseat, followed by a third can being opened in penitence.

Gordon can already feel that they might not all make it out alive from this trip. He sighs and pulls onto the street.

Half way into the car ride— while Bubby is trying to convince Gordon why he should have the aux cord— Tommy makes a curious noise and holds up an energy drink.

“Mr. Freeman, is this yours?” Tommy asks, meeting his eyes in the rearview mirror.

“Oh— yeah, can you hand it to me?” He reaches back with his right hand and the can is deposited into it. “Thanks.” He purposely ignores the worried looks from Tommy and Coomer and sets it in the console cup holder.

At the next light, Gordon cracks it open and chugs half of it. He’s never preferred energy drinks but sometimes you need the most caffeine you can get— and this one has double the caffeine content over a cup of coffee.

“Gordon?” Coomer asks quietly from the passenger seat as he wipes his mouth with the back of his left hand.

“What’s up?” He replies, trying to keep his eyes both on the road and on Coomer.

“How did you sleep last night?”

Gordon hunches his shoulders slightly. “Fine. I slept fine.”

“Really?” Tommy presses, skepticism obvious in his tone.

“Yes, really.” Gordon rolls his eyes. “Look, guys, I know I mentioned the nightmares a few weeks ago but I’m fine. Seriously. You don’t need to check on me over every single thing.”

“I— We know, Gordon—“

“I know you’re just worried, I get it, but please no more pushing this? If I wasn’t okay, I’d— I...” He trails off. He can’t find it in himself to keep the lie going. He sighs again. “Just— stop nagging me. I know I’m the youngest but don’t— don’t treat me like I can’t take care of myself.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Fr— Gordon.” Tommy says first, wringing his hands. “I— I shouldn’t have tried to push it.”

“You’re as right as ever, Gordon.” Dr. Coomer says. “I’m very sorry.”

“I didn’t say shit, I don’t have to apologize.” Bubby leans back with a bag of sour patch kids and a soda. “You’re a grown man, Gordon, you can fill your body with as much garbage as you want.” He punctuates this with a sip from a regular Mountain Dew.

Gordon smiles in relief. “Thanks guys.” He tells them genuinely, his shoulders relaxing.

The rest of the ride is pleasant. Bubby continues to vie for the aux cord but Tommy’s reign continues with begrudging acceptance when he plays some kind of peppy, anime-sounding song that makes all three of them cheer.

Gordon grins at their antics. His chest buzzes with something light and happy the whole time and he doesn’t notice he’s bobbing to the beat until Bubby shoots him a smirk when he glances into the mirror, but he doesn’t seem to want to stop.

They arrive at the zoo and get a good parking spot. It’s way early and a weekday to boot, so it’s not packed at all.

Tommy makes sure that everyone has sunscreen applied and they all pass the bottle around until they’re all up to code in his eyes. Coomer recites the Wikipedia article on sunscreen as they do and then offers to carry the cooler until Gordon shows off it’s wheels and extending handle.

Gordon pulls out a brochure from the center console of the car and begins to go through his plan for the day but is cut off by Bubby saying “Can we just go? I want to see the fucked up birds they have!”

“Now, Dr. Bubby,” Coomer approaches the man and begins to fiddle with his clothes. He dusts off Bubby’s shoulders and adjusts his leather jacket’s collar. “I know you’re excited for your very first zoo trip, but we have to make sure we have enough time to see every exhibit! I’m sure Gordon has thought it all through very thoroughly.”

Bubby blinks and looks down and away from Dr. Coomer, his shoulders going up to almost his ears. “I know,” He says, almost submissively, his face pink, before his expression morphs into a sneer— directed towards Gordon. “I just think my own plan would be better, but if Gordon wants to play the leader again that’s fine. Just don’t fuck it all up.”

Gordon lets the barbed comments slide as he tries to process what the fuck he just witnessed. Was— did Bubby— Gordon’s not even sure he saw that interaction correctly or if the Mountain Dew Amped Game Fuel is fucking up his head even further.

He takes one glance at the half-empty can, chugs the rest of it, and decides to completely ignore all of that for now.

“Alright, team,” Gordon calls out, replacing his normal glasses for his sunglasses. “Let’s rock ‘n roll.”

[argylemnwrites]

It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment - Chapter 18

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC (Riley Liu)

Book: The Royal Romance (Canon Divergent from Book 2, Chapter 15)

Word Count: ~5400

Rating: PG-13 (language)

Summary: Riley and Hana delve into the events of the preceding night. Drake takes care of some practical measures to allow him to move forward with his life.

Author’s Note: This series diverges from TRR canon, where instead of waiting to discuss his relationship with Riley until their last night in NYC, leaving her a note while Liam is proposing to her, Drake tackles this topic as soon as possible after Tariq makes his statement and Riley’s name is cleared. To catch up on this series, you can find the previous chapters in my masterlist (link is located in my bio).

Riley felt like her head couldn’t feel worse if it were literally ripped apart. She slowly opened her eyes, trying to get a sense of her bearings. She had to blink a few times to bring everything into focus, her contacts practically glued to her eyes. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw she was in her own apartment. She had no memory of leaving the nightclub.

Switching to Long Island Iced Teas had been a mistake. It always led to bad decisions for her. But it had been so nice to just feel happy and carefree again. The first few drinks of the night had gotten her there, and all she had wanted to do was prolong that feeling. But ever since Cordonia, all this pain and sadness that she’d worked so hard to keep locked away had just kept bubbling to the surface. She just hadn’t wanted to feel that way, and the alcohol had been a quick fix.

Sitting up slowly, gingerly, she glanced around the room. Her jacket was hanging over the chair at her desk, her cellphone and wallet placed on top of her laptop. She was in a pair of gym shorts and an old FDNY t-shirt, her clothes from last night folded up neatly on top of her dresser. Anderson was curled up in his spot on the armchair. It was not what she expected after a night where she got blackout drunk.

Spinning slightly, Riley felt her stomach bottom out when she saw another body in bed with her, but quickly let out a rough sigh when she realized it was Hana, not some random guy. The fact that she hadn’t brought someone home with her only lessened her feelings of shame slightly. Last night was still a series of bad decisions, even if she didn’t throw a bomb into her relationship on top of everything.

She tried to shift gently out of bed, wanting to go take out her contacts, brush her teeth, and find some Advil, but her movements woke up Anderson, who bounded off of the chair and over to her, prancing excitedly around her feet. The jangling of his tags woke Hana, who bolted up and over to Riley before she could even process that Hana had apparently borrowed a sweatshirt and cotton shorts from her.

“Riley, thank goodness you’re alright! How are you feeling?” she rambled, grabbing Riley’s shoulder gently.

“I feel like shit, Hana,” was all Riley could croak out before bolting past Hana into the bathroom, reaching the toilet just in time. Hana joined her a few seconds later, holding her hair back and rubbing circles between her shoulder blades. After the retching subsided, Hana spoke.

“Why don’t you brush your teeth and climb back into bed?”

Riley shook her head, “I need to take Anderson out and feed him.”

“Let me do that.”

“Hana, thank you, but don’t you have meetings or something? It’s my own fault I feel like this. Don’t worry about me.”

Hana shook her head slowly, “I already canceled my meetings. Come on, I’ll take care of Anderson, you take care of yourself. Then, we can talk.”

Sighing, Riley hefted herself off the floor as Hana left the bathroom. She could hear talking softly to Anderson as she started brushing her teeth, and then she heard the latch of the door. Alone, she took a shuddering breath as she tried not only to quell the still-present nausea, but also to get a grasp on the fact that Hana had been in her apartment. She didn’t know why it unsettled her so much. It’s not like Hana was rude or tactless - she was never going to comment on its size or condition. But it still felt mad weird.

Riley knew she likely owed Hana big time for getting her home last night. And now, she was here, taking care of her instead of going to the meetings she had set up. And she wanted to talk. Riley had no idea about what, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out that whatever it was, it was going to be uncomfortable. Lord only knew what she had done at the end of last night.

After taking out her contacts, washing her face, clipping back her hair, and throwing on a sweater and some jeans, Riley went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. She down at her desk, taking little sips, seeing if she would be able to keep anything down, but after a few minutes, she was back crouching in front of her toilet. She heard the apartment door open while she was brushing her teeth. Apparently, Hana was back with Anderson.

When she came out of the bathroom, she couldn’t help but laugh at the sight in front of her. There was Hana, wearing some of Riley’s old workout gear and the high heels she’d worn out last night, dumping about five meals worth of kibble into Anderson’s bowl. Anderson was prancing and wiggling around, clearly excited about the jackpot of food he’d just received.

“Hana, that’s plenty for him,” said Riley as she sank to the floor next to the bathroom, too shaky to keep standing and too nauseous to move too far from the bathroom.

“Oh Riley, let’s get you back in bed,” said Hana, crossing the room, but Riley just shook her head.

“Trust me, I’m good right here.”

“Okay. I swung by that store beneath your building and picked you up some ginger peach juice,” she said, handing her a small juice container from a bag she’d left on the desk, “The ginger should help with the nausea and the sugars should help if you feel weak or unsteady.”

Riley gave her a small smile, accepting the juice. Hana glanced around the room, then sat on the floor opposite Riley, leaning back against the bed and facing her.

“How… how much do you remember about last night?” Hana asked, her voice small and timid.

“Uhh, I remember getting to Kismet; I remember tugging you onto the dance floor; and I remember having a few Long Islands. It’s pretty fuzzy after that.”

“Well, I think we should probably discuss some things from the latter half of the evening then,” she said primly, clasping her hands in her lap.

“Shit,” thought Riley, “what did I do?” She wracked her brain, trying to come up with anything that Hana would want to talk about. But try as she might, after a certain point, she only had very vague images.

“Hana, whatever I did or said or whatever, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t-”

“Riley, I don’t need you to apologize for anything. But we need to talk about what you told me.”

Again, Riley tried frantically to figure out what Hana was referring to, but she kept drawing a blank. After a few long seconds of silence, Hana finally spoke again.

“I need you to know that you aren’t alone. I don’t care if we’re in neighboring rooms at the Beaumont’s or if we’re half a world apart. Whenever you need me, I’m here for you.”

Riley took a sip of her juice, trying to figure out what the hell had happened at the end of the night. “I know, Hana.”

“Riley… the hour we spent on the floor in the hallway while you cried that no one cared about you would tend to indicate otherwise.”

“Wait, we did what?”

“You kept talking about how you were always going to be alone and everyone was always going to leave in the end.”

Riley felt so humiliated. She thought she’d kept those fears pretty buried, but apparently she just unloaded on Hana while drunk out of her mind, “It’s a foster kid thing, Hana. I know you guys care about me. Being alone for the first time in almost a year has just brought up some old feelings.”

“But you aren’t alone, Riley. Not in the ways that matter. Physically living alone doesn’t mean you’re truly alone. Trust me, I know the difference. And even if we aren’t right with you, you have to know that Maxwell and Drake and I will always be there for you. Liam too, even if his royal obligations might limit him somewhat. But you have to know that all you need to do is call us or send us a text, and we’ll be there for you, in whatever way you need. We love you, Riley.”

Riley let out a shuddering breath. “Hana, you have to understand that my life experiences make that hard to believe sometimes. I’ve spent a long time making sure I’m the ‘fun friend’ and not really trusting anyone to actually want to deal with the rest of my shit.”

“I can certainly understand that feeling,” said Hana, tilting her head slightly towards Riley, “but I’m working towards accepting unconditional love and friendship when it’s offered, to not doubt the good relationships in my life. And while I’m not looking to tell you what to do, I think letting all your pain and worry build up until you unleash it all while intoxicated might not be the best coping strategy.”

Riley nodded. Of course, Hana was right about this. She was fucking right about everything. “I just don’t know how to handle a relationship, Hana. I’ve always kept things casual before, and that meant things were fun and easy. But… I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m an idiot clinging to the small possibility that he’ll come back, or if I’m a fool for thinking I should just cut my losses when it’s obvious he’d rather be with Liam than with me.”

“You are neither a fool nor an idiot,” said Hana, reaching out and grabbing her hand.

“I just don’t know what to make of everything. And I just don’t know whether it’ll hurt more if I just call it all off now or I wait until this drags on until its inevitable end. I’ve never dealt with something like this before.” 

“I’m afraid I’m not a great wealth of romantic experience.”

Riley chuckled at that. “Maybe not, but I still trust your judgement.”

Hana took a few seconds to collect her thoughts. “Alright, I think making this decision on the basis of fear is not the right approach. It’s not going to bring you any sort of happiness or even a sense of resolution if you just try to avoid pain.”

“I just don’t want to feel like shit, Hana.”

“But you already do, don’t you?”

Riley dropped her head, “I just don’t know if I can handle him telling me that I don’t matter to him, not enough anyway.”

Hana let out a little humming noise, but didn’t say anything. When Riley looked up at her, it was clear she had something on the tip of her tongue.

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing. Like I said, I don’t have much romantic experience.”

“I want to hear what you have to say, Hana.”

Hana swallowed pointedly and took a deep breath before starting, “I think you are being too hard on Drake.”

Riley didn’t know what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that. She sat there in stunned silence while Hana continued, “Look, I went and saw him the other day at the palace, and he was an absolute mess. He talked about how guilty he felt, and it was clear that he was devastated that you had to fly back alone. Plus, it’s not as if he stayed behind to just drink whiskey and goof off with Liam. He was trying to aid his friend through an incredibly stressful situation.”

“Hana, I get what you’re saying, but you weren’t here to see how much he was just itching to get back to Cordonia. It just seems like he impulsively followed me here, and now that the honeymoon phase is over, he’s just done with me. Or that he only wants me when it’s convenient for the rest of his life.”

“Riley, he uprooted his entire life for you, so you know that isn’t true.”

“And maybe now he sees that was a giant mistake.”

“Or maybe he’s trying to figure out where he fits into your life here, and it’s been hard for him.”

“Trust me, Hana. He never made any real effort to make a life here. He never tried to make any friends or even joined me when I went out with my friends or-”

“Did he refuse to meet your friends, or did you just vaguely invite him and hope that he’d read your mind?”

Riley mentally reeled at Hana’s statement. She’d never heard Hana interrupt anyone before, and here she was, somehow calling Riley out on things she should have no knowledge of and putting her on the defensive, “Why would you say that?”

“Because it’s been a very long time since I saw Drake say no when you asked him for anything.”

“I was trying to give him space.”

“Since when, Riley? Since you two became friends, you’ve been pushing him - to talk, to be social, to try new things. Why did that change when you two became a couple?”

“I don’t know. He’d already moved for me. I didn’t want to add any extra pressure.”

“But it sounds like you just dropped back into your old life. Meanwhile, he was probably floundering. He’s a creature of habit and his closest relationships are with people he’s known since childhood. It can be hard work to find new friends. He also had to look for a job on top of that, which is stressful in its own right.

“And look at the neighborhood where you live - can you imagine Drake ever wanting to live somewhere so crowded and noisy? Or even this apartment, Riley. I dug through your dresser and closet last night, looking for some clothing for us, and you have filled every square centimeter with your belongings. How was Drake supposed to feel at home when you didn’t even have a place for him to put his clothing?”

“What are you saying, that I didn’t want him here or that I didn’t treat him right?” Riley snapped, suddenly feeling very put on the spot.

“No, Riley. That’s not my goal here. I just think that you should not hold Drake to an impossible standard.”

“You think that me wanting him here with me is an impossible standard?” Riley sneered.

Hana just sighed, “Riley, I know you’re hurting, but I just want you to look at this objectively. Drake moved to a foreign country where he had no professional and exactly one personal connection. The life he was living was probably a pretty stressful one in a lot of aspects, and then his best friend in the world was under threat of assassination and his father died. Can you at least see how that might be a tough combination of circumstances for him to navigate?”

Riley knew Hana was right, but that didn’t make it hurt any less to hear out loud. She felt like a shitty girlfriend for not addressing Drake’s adjustment earlier. She’d been so focused on getting back into her New York life, she hadn’t really wanted to dwell on the ways Drake was struggling.

But that was her problem - she never wanted to deal with the unpleasant. Unpleasant meant pain and so her whole adult life, she’d just charged full steam ahead. But that’s apparently how you ended up blackout drunk crying in the hallway outside your apartment.

“I just wanted us to be happy.”

Hana nodded gently, “But pretending you’re happy isn’t the same as actually being happy. Look, Riley - you adapt so well to various situations. But Drake likes his routines a lot more, and he’s just not as flexible. And while I don’t have a lot of experience to draw from, I do know that part of being in a healthy relationship is allowing your strengths to help your partner in areas where he or she struggles.

“In some other languages, like Greek, Italian, or French, there are various words for ‘you’ and ‘your’ - a singular version and a plural version. I think you were so focused on enjoying being back in your life in New York,” she said, gesturing towards Riley, “that you never got a chance to create your life as a couple. One that works for both of you.”

Riley took in her words as she drank a little more of her juice. “Hana, I don’t understand how you can be so sheltered but still fucking know everything.”

Hana blushed and laughed, “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach.”

They sat there together on the floor in silence for a few moments. Eventually, Anderson came trotting over, clearly wanting some attention as he climbed onto Hana’s lap. Riley glanced at his bowl and saw that he’d devoured his generous meal. 

“Fingers crossed he doesn’t get sick from that feast,” Riley mused.

“Oh no! Did I feed him too much? Oh, I’m so sorry!”

Riley waved her hand and shook her head, “No worries, Hana. You’ve done plenty for me.”

“And I’ll keep doing so, Riley. You’re my best friend, and I can be here for you as long as you need. I am scheduled to my out tomorrow night, but I can certainly change my flight if you’d like me to stick around.”

“No, I’ll be okay. You should go home.”

“Are you sure, Riley?” Hana’s eyes were wide and full of concern.

“I’m sure, Hana. I can always call you if I want to talk, right?”

Hana smiled at her, “Of course you can.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Liam walked into the private dining room to grab a quick breakfast before heading down to make an appearance at the courthouse, but he was not alone. There was Drake, sitting in his usual seat, a mug of coffee and some eggs and bacon in front of him. He was staring at his phone with such intensity, it was almost comical.

“Something interesting there?” Liam asked as he poured himself some coffee from the carafe.

Drake jerked his head up, clearly surprised by Liam’s appearance, but gave him a small smile and said, “Not really, no. Just a text.”

“From Riley, I presume?”

Drake looked at Liam for a few seconds before he answered, “Yeah, but we don’t need to talk about her if you would rather… er, not.”

“That’s thoughtful of you,” said Liam, “but unnecessary. Unless it is a… er, private message, in which case I-”

“No!” said Drake, emphatically shaking his head, “She just asked if I’ll be in New York this weekend or if she should pick up some extra shifts.”

“What did you tell her?”

“I told her yes.”

“Okay… Drake, I’m not sure why this rather mundane sounding interaction has you so distracted.”

“It’s just… she just texted back ‘okay.’”

“And…?”

“And she doesn’t seem very happy about it. So now I wonder if she doesn’t… I just… How would you interpret this shit?” Drake said, rubbing his forehead.

“I am not comfortable answering that, my friend.”

“Right! Sorry, I should have never asked. I just don’t-”

“Drake, it’s not that” Liam said with a laugh, “It’s simply the fact that getting my opinion on anything to do with Riley Liu is a terrible idea. She rejected me and my way of doing things.”

Drake scrunched his eyes closed for a moment and let out a sigh, “I just don’t know what she wants.”

“I would trust your instincts, Drake. They seem to have served you well in the past when it came to her.”

“I know, I know. I already bought the tickets. I’m just doubting myself now.”

Liam let out a little sigh. As much as he liked having Drake around, he knew Drake was making the right choice for him. “When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow morning. I have to finish up at the house today.”

Liam nodded, “Alright, well I’ll see you off after breakfast tomorrow.”

Drake shook his head, “My flight takes off just after 5.”

“Alright, well drinks tonight then?”

“Yeah, okay. That sounds good.”

“Just swing by my office when you get back.”

“Actually, can we do my quarters? I was planning on packing them up tonight.”

Liam paused for a moment at that statement, a statement that made Drake’s leaving feel that much more real and permanent. “Of course, Drake. But don’t feel that you need to empty them completely if you run out of time. I’ll keep them for you at least through the wedding.”

Drake took a long sip of his coffee as he nodded, but when he put down his mug, he looked determined. “Look, maybe this isn’t my place to say, but I have to ask - are you sure you want to marry Madeleine?”

At Drake’s question, Liam let out a long sigh. No, he wasn’t sure at all. He’d gotten engaged to Madeleine as a last resort, and now it just kind of seemed inevitable. He had no reason not to marry her at this point.

Drake latched onto his sigh and long pause, clearly taking them as an opening, and continued to speak, “I mean, I don’t even see what she brings to the table if you’re gonna do the whole political marriage thing. Kiara is a better diplomat. Hana’s kinder and much more pleasant to be around. Hell, even Olivia at least actually likes you as a person. I’m just saying that it doesn’t even seem like she’s the best option from that standpoint.

“Father thought she brought the most to the table.”

“Oh,” Drake dropped his gaze to his plate at that, clearly not expecting him to bring up his late father, “So, are you marrying her to… uh, honor his memory?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I should just fulfill one of his last wishes, and other times I just feel guilty because I don’t want to be anything like him. Do you ever… do you sometimes take a particular action or path just because you feel it’s what Jackson would have wanted.”

Drake nodded, “Yeah, but I think my situation is a little less…”

“Complicated?”

“I was going to say fucked up, but complicated works too.”

Liam laughed, “I suppose you’re right. Well, thank you, Drake, but I need to be going to the courthouse.”

“Ahh, shit. I didn’t mean to overstep, Liam.”

“You didn’t,” said Liam, shaking his head, “I am glad you were able to be candid with me. I’ll see you tonight, okay? We can try and put a dent in that whiskey stash of yours that you’re going to have to leave behind.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll see you tonight, Liam.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Drake, you in here?”

Savannah’s voice rang out through the hallway. Drake left his old bedroom, boxes strewn across the floor and bed. Between yesterday and this morning, he’d made good progress. He’d cleaned out the kitchen, the living room, the den, and his bedroom. Bastien had promised to take care of his dad’s office and his parent’s bedroom, so that only left the bathroom and Savannah’s bedroom for her to handle.

“Hey, Savannah,” he said when he got to the living room, hugging her in greeting, “Thanks for coming out.”

“Yeah, no problem. Wow, you should have let me know you were going through the place. I could have helped you out,” she said as she took in the numerous boxes piled against the walls.

Drake shrugged, “I figured you were busy with Bartie. Where is he, by the way?”

“Bertrand has been wanting to spend some time with him one-on-one, so when you asked me if I could come out here the other night, I figured today would be a great opportunity.”

Drake nodded, “Well, give him a hug from Uncle Drake, okay?”

“Of course. So, why’d you need me out here. Are you looking to sell the house?”

“Not exactly.”

“Then why are you packing everything up?”

“Here,” he said, grabbing a packet of papers off the coffee table and handing it to her, “this is for you. And Bartie”

Savannah started glancing through the documents, her eyes growing wider by the second. “Drake, is this…”

“Yeah, it’s the deed to this house. It’s all in your name.”

“What the hell are you doing, Drake?”

“The house is yours.”

“But… why?”

“Because you need it more than I do.”

“Are you drunk or something? I have a home, you are the-”

“No, Savannah. You don’t have a home. Your name is not listed anywhere on the Beaumont’s property, and you don’t pay rent. You are a house guest.” Savannah opened her mouth to protest, but Drake kept going, “Now, I hope that everything works out the way to want it to with Bertrand, but in case something were to happen, you now have a place that’s just yours. Someplace you can bring Bartie.”

“Nothing is going to happen, Drake.”

“I hope you’re right. In that case, this house can just serve as an insurance policy. But if things don’t go according to plan, I want you to have someplace you can go. I don’t want to you feeling like you have to run away again.”

Savannah stared at him for a few moments, her brow furrowed, “You won’t bribe me into staying here. Did it ever occur to you that I could have moved in here when I was pregnant, but I chose not to? Did it ever occur to you that I want more than this?” she asked, gesturing around the room.

“Then sell it and move where you want to go. Just tell me where that is.”

“If this house comes with strings, then I don’t want it. You don’t get to put conditions on gifts, Drake.”

“And you don’t get to do whatever the hell you want without consequence. Do you know how bad it hurt me when you were just gone one day? How long I looked for you, how many assholes I called, hoping you were in touch with any of them?”

“I was scared! I was pregnant, and I didn’t know what to do, and I was so ashamed. How could I face you? How could I tell you I’d gotten knocked up by one of those nobles you hated oh so much?”

Drake swallowed, trying to break up the rough lump in his throat, “I’m sorry if I ever made you think that there was anything you could do that would make me care about you less, but you need to stop acting like you were the only victim there. You denied Bertrand a lot of important firsts. You denied Bartie the chance to know his father from the start. You put Maxwell in an awkward situation where he had to lie to a lot of people to cover for you. And you-” Drake cut himself off. He took a few deep breaths, trying to stop himself from crying, “and you left me all alone. After Mom left, I just.... You were my only real family left. And you were just able to take off.”

“Drake, I-”

“You hurt me, Savannah. And I know you were upset and afraid, but I was hurting, too. Because I always thought you would be the one woman who wouldn’t leave. But then you did. And now you’re back, and that’s great, but I just worry that something will happen. That you’ll run off again. All I wanted to do is give you a safe place to go. I just didn’t want to fail you again” he said, his voice cracking as a few tears trickled down his face.

“Drake, you never failed me. I just… I couldn’t face being here.”

“But you felt like you couldn’t come to me. You didn’t trust me, and that means I didn’t do my job.”

“Oh Drake, it’s never been your job to protect me from the world.”

“You’re my baby sister! Of course I’m supposed to protect you!”

“I’m a grown woman, Drake. I have been for a while. I made a choice, and maybe it was the wrong one, but I can’t undo it. But you need to know that my leaving was not about you. I missed you like crazy.”

Drake took a shaky breath and tried to collect himself, “I love you, Savannah. I really do. But if I’m signing up to have you just drop out of my life without any notice again, I don’t know if I can do it. I want us to be close again. I want to watch Bartie grow up. But I don’t know if I can handle losing you guys again. So, I think we should both promise that we’ll at least let the other know where we are, okay? No more falling off the face of the earth.”

Savannah nodded, “I can do that.” She wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug.

After they pulled apart, Drake pulled out his phone, “On that note, I am flying back to the States tomorrow morning. I’m gonna text you my flight info, alright?”

“Okay, Drake,” she said with an eye roll, “Your full itinerary is absolutely needed.”

“I just don’t want either of us to be lazy about this, okay? I’m serious, Sav. I can’t handle losing you like that again. I want to make this right.”

Savannah nodded, “I hear you, Drake. I do. I am sorry that I caused you so much pain. I hope you know that.”

Drake nodded tightly, “Thanks, Savannah.”

“No, thank you. You didn’t need to give me your half of the house.”

He just shrugged, “I kind of did. It’s time for me to move on with my life, you know? I can’t just keep bumming around with Liam indefinitely.”

Savannah gave him a couple of small nods. He knew she really didn’t get his desire to leave the king’s inner circle, but it was the truth. Even if Riley told him to go fuck off, it was time for him to do something different than crash at the palace and travel around with Liam. Liam had enough resiliency and support that he didn’t need Drake around anymore. And Drake trying to make a life for himself was about eight years overdue at this point.

“So, yeah,” he continued, “I didn’t touch your shit, obviously, but I took what I wanted. The rest of the boxes you can donate or go through or whatever you want. And Bastien’s gonna come here once the trials are over and take care of Mom and Dad’s stuff.

“Okay.”

“So here’s my copy of the keys. The house is now officially yours, Savannah Walker.”

She glanced around the room, “What a strange day,” she said with a laugh, “I’ve gotta let Bertrand know.”

She pulled out her phone to call Bertrand, so Drake took that as his cue to leave. He was just about to the front door when Savannah called out to him.

“Drake, these are your travel plans?”

“Yeah, they are.”

She walked over to him, a big smile shining on her face. “I’m proud of you. Tell her ‘hi’ for me.” 

“Will do. Now, take care of yourself and that little boy,” he said as he wrapped up in a gentle hug.

“I will, Drake. Travel safe.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Drake shifted in his seat. This flight had been worse than the one to Cordonia, because there he was exhausted enough that he just had passed out cold. Here, he was up for the entire thing, enduring every crying baby, every jolt of turbulence, and every time the woman in front of him reclined her seat straight into his knees. 

But thankfully, they were now in the final descent. Drake didn’t know what he would find at baggage claim. If she would be there or not. He’d sent the text last minute before hopping on the flight, so he didn’t know if she’d even seen it. The more he thought about it, the more his decision seemed like a terrible mistake.

He felt a jolt as the plane touched down on the runway, drawing him out of his own mind, it was too late for regrets now. As the plane taxied to its gate, one of the flight attendants came over the PA system.

“Ladies and gentlemen, the local time is 11:32 am and it is as sunny 67 degrees out. On behalf of the flight crew, let me thank you for flying with us today and welcome you to Austin, Texas.”

Permatag: @speedyoperarascalparty​ @mfackenthal​  @lilyofchoices​  @thequeenofcronuts​  @jamesashtonisbae​

The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir: @kingliam2019​   @sirbeepsalot​  @texaskitten30​   @princessleac1​  @ladyangel70​  @dcbbw​  @yaushie​ @octobereighth​

Drake x MC only:  @jovialyouthmusic​  @iplaydrake​  @gibbles82​  @drakewalkerisreal​  @riley--walker​  @notoriouscs​  @butindeed​  @addictedtodrakefanfic​  

It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment: @wickedgypsymoon  @thesumofmychoices​  @cosigottahavefaith​   @thequeenchoices​  @katedrakeohd​  @feartheendlesssummer​  @ao719​  @ooo-barff-ooo​   @sunnyxdazed​

[danseinthefallout]

the art of danse - two

a paladin danse fanfiction

story warning; this story contains strong language, adult themes (such as violence, smut/NSFW themes, drug use, and other harsh themes) and canon and un canon language and story plots of Fallout 4 and Fallout 3. 

summary; yea, the bombs may have fallen, but art and love have not. and of course, people still tell white lies

~~

word count; 3.5k

chapter two; synthetic childhood

Everything went back to normal, as best as things can. It’s been around three days since Stella’s adventures out in the Commonwealth. That wasn’t going to stop her, she was planning on making way back to the police station in a couple of weeks. Luckily, the signal at the police station was now strong enough that Stella’s Pip-Boy cough their signal, so she could communicate with Haylen. She found that out last night while she was working on modding her guns, a strange voice came from it. At first, she was concerned, but when Haylen stated it was her and she realized she left the signal on her Pip-Boy, she was happy to hear from her. Haylen was happy to talk to someone other than people who were apart of the Brotherhood, and Stella was happy she could talk to Haylen, maybe she could get a signal elsewhere.

“What’s the craziest thing you fought?” Haylen asked to throw the speaker as Stella was tinkering with the gun she was making for Danse as a thank you. Stella sat back and thought about her question. Haylen snuck away to talk to her before Ryhs or even Danse would find her. Haylen has so many questions for Stella, about her crazy adventures she had. 

“At 16, I fought two Deathclaws in the middle of a Gunner shoot out. For some reason, the Deathclaws didn’t attack me, but they did help me kill the Gunners… then they tried to attack me so I shot one square in the head but it did manage to rip my gun in two before it blood out… so I had to try to kill the other Deathclaw with my combat knife. It took a while before I confused the Deathclaw and I ended up crawling on his back and slitting its throat… I should have just taken one of the Gunner’s gun and shooting them, but that thought didn’t cross my mind,” Stella said through the mic. “I know it sounds so untrue, but I have the scar to prove it,” Stella stated as she felt the scare on her neck and chest. It was nasty and when she got it, she swore she was going to die right then and there and be a Deathclaw’s dinner.

“Jesus…” Haylen sighed, baffled by Stella’s story “I think with that, you have Elder Maxon beat…” Haylen laughed. Stella blushed.

“You think I’d be a good Elder?” Stella laughed. “Ah, just kidding, you shouldn’t answer that,” Stella stated. Stella could hear someone walking in.

“Hey, Haylen, who are you talking too?” A familiar voice was heard. It was Danse

“It’s- It’s Stella, Paladin. The signal was strong enough that I’m able to contact Stella,” Haylen stated. Stella’s cheeks where flushed, thinking about the Paladin.

“Hi, Danse!” Stella cheered. 

“Hello, soldier, nice to hear from you again… Haylen, Ryhs needs to talk to you,” Danse spoke with seriousness in his tone.

“Oh… okay. Bye Stella!” Haylen cheered.

“Bye Haylen. Talk to you soon okay?” Stellas asked.

“Of course,” And with that Haylen disconnected from the channel. Stella smiled as she looked at the loose pieces of the rifle she was modding. 

Stella got up from her desk as she went to the kitchen in her quarters. She lived with Lucas and Joanna and their quarters were rather large. However, tonight, she was home alone. Lucas and Joanna went to the ‘night club’ for some free drinks, but Stella wanted to stay behind to do some modding and to talk to Haylen of course. 

Stella went to the fridge as she grabbed an ice-cold Nuka-Cola. Endcliff was a freak about pre-war foods and actually being edible, so their scientists and chefs would get together to make them. It was nice. 

She took a sip, and sat down, unsure of what to do next of her rifle, maybe a suppressor? Ah, who knows. Stella just decided to move her little gun project back in her locker and pull out her typewriter, might as well finish that play she was writing for Cosmos…

The thing with Endcliff, is that they value education and the most important art and anything creative. That’s why it’s such a perfect fit for her. Stella always valued things like crafting, music, writing, painting, and dance. It would help heal wounds that were never physical. She remembered when she ran off to Goodneighbor in hopes of a memory wipe, she would sketch all the emotions she felt in her notebook. Luckily, before anything could happen, Nick Valentine busted in, helping her cope with her emotions, with her friends by her side. She realized that maybe she could learn from this and make art to express the awful feeling that flowed throw her veins. Or where they veins? 

Yea, the past 4 years have been difficult after her little disappearing act, but who could blame her? The women just found out she’s a fucking synth prototype and everyone is after her? Was her mother really her mother? Or just a vessel for a synthetic baby? All her childhood felt so real, but was it real to everyone else? 

Vault-Tec and the Institue? What a cluster fuck for disaster. 

What scared her the most is that the Institue still is after her. Even when she was captured at 19, she managed to wipe her entire file and flee. She was safe for now… but she keeps wounding when her time will run out and there will be a ninth attempt on her life. 

She kept that all to herself, the only people who knew her true self where her family and Nicky. She was happy about her new friendship with Valentine. He was fun and treated her with such care. He was like a father figure to her new identity and well, Nick felt comfort when she was around. A prototype. Just like him.

It was cruel what they did, telling her that she’s just a science project to those fuckers at the Institute on her 18th birthday, making her life crumble and saying her time was up. She couldn’t do that. She had to find something or someone else. Leave, forever. She realized she didn’t want that. Fuck the Institue.

The funny thing is, Stella, remembers her childhood like everyone normal child can… or as normal as one can get. Her oldest brother being in a gang and harassing everyone that crossed him and playing with anyone but the kids her age. The vault was never supposed to open. That’s what the Institute wanted. They thought that if they grew up on in a vault, they can easily get information, but now she’s here, in the Commonwealth where their little labs are. I guess she always knew something was off with her. She was anxious all the time and thought nothing she did was normal. She questioned her sexuality and her place in the world. It hit her too that she liked everyone, even ghouls and synths. She just didn’t care. Pre-war days, they would have a name for that. 

She was lucky she made way to Little Lamplight after she lefts her life behind. She never really cared for the vault, no one ever cared for her. She did question if anyone ever tried to look for her, but she didn’t look for them, so it was whatever.

 Stella never saw the world until she was 12. Broken… lost… She saw pictures of it before the bombs fell and she’d hope something of that life was still there. It was the Mayor of Lamplight that befriended her, they where close. He was the only one she talked to before she up and left again. Robert MacCready. Stella heard a rumor he was running with Gunner’s now and he made way to the Commonwealth too. She’d hope to bump into him at some point, maybe without the bloodshed, of course

Stella traveled everywhere in the Capital Wasteland before she made way to the Galaxy News Radio station. It was a blur at that time of her life. Brotherhood of Steel soldiers were doing their business. They were kind enough to let her stay there. Maybe that’s why she’s so drawn to the Brotherhood, even if they wanted to hunt her down now. Or maybe it was the fact that her first kiss and even doing that for the first time was with a Knight. She was 15, 2 months before she was planning on leaving and she had a crush on a new Knight… Knight Micheal. He was 17. The two hung out a lot and well… one thing leads to another and she was no longer a virgin. But that’s neither here or there.

Stella sat there, staring mindlessly, caught up in her thoughts. For a machine whose every waking moment was supposed to be programmed, she sure did think a lot. Quite honestly, with everything that happened since she got the news about herself, a lot of shit happened and well… she somehow saw the positive in it all. Even when the Institue did capture her only a year later. She learned a lot about herself in that time slot. She saw a lot of things she wishes she could be programmed to forget, but maybe… it was there for a reason. No matter what people say… no matter what the Brotherhood says or those bastards at the Institue, she is human.  People forget what human even means in this climate. 

Stella’s relationship with herself and other synths are always off and on, but to be fair, no other person outside Endcliff knows, it was the ones who were mindless under orders, jealous, almost towards her. She never understood why. Maybe the fact she remembered her childhood, had a real mother and father… but underneath it all, they were apart of the experiment all the same. She did feel bad for those wishing to have that loving mother or father, but that was never up to her. Nothing was. Besides her escape, of course.

The Institue was stupid enough to have every track record of there captured and escaped synths and there every move. Just on a terminal for anyone that can get their hands on it. They didn’t know she was going to escape with a few others, but she overheard a few idiots talking about it and so she found her file and deleted it so that when she’s back home, they won’t have a clue where she was. LV-32. Gone. It was a stupidly complicated yet simple plan with a lot of waiting. At least someone helped her. The Railroad. 

Stella always heard about The Railroad even before she found out about being LV-32. She knew someone in The Institue was dancing with them. She owed a little bit of her freedom because of them.

Stella had no clue who was apart of there secret cool kids club, or anyone from Endcliff. When she got back from here escape, a new resident, Athena, moved in. Stella always thought she was odd, but she respected it. They talked every now and again when she went to Cosom’s. She ended up working costumes and was a fantastic seamstress. She could make anything you ever wanted to wear, amazing for any production Cosmos would put on. Athena would always ask Stella questions, not invasive questions if Stella had any, she was a pretty open person after all (besides her synth nature to outsiders)

Stella and Athena bonded a month after everything. Cosmo wanted to put on a production of a play he worked on called Poison of Creature he wrote with the help of Lucas. Stella played Noble, a woman who was a witch. Athena did all her costumes and hung out a lot backstage with Stella. It was no Lucas or Joanna to the level of trust and closeness, but she was glad she made a new friend. 

It wasn’t until closing night she got a chance to meet… Deacon… and Glory and Tinker Tom. Athena invited some “friends” from her old settlement to watch the play and come to the little after party back at Cosmos’ place. Stella hit it off with Athena’s friends and well… months later told her everything or enough that Dez wouldn’t skin any of them alive. Just like the Brotherhood, she didn’t join them, but she did befriend them.

Stella was kicked off out of her through as she heard her radio coming on, someone was trying to contact her. It was probably Haylen again.

“Haylen? Is that you?” She spoke, leaning into the mic.

“No. This is Paladin Danse. Scribe Haylen is on a mission, she’ll be back in a few hours… I… I hope you don’t mind, but I wanted to speak to you… if you have time, that is,” Danse voice was husky and Stella couldn’t help but swoon. She was so happy to hear from him again.

“I always have time for you and your team, Paladin,” Stella spoke with professionalism.

“Please, call me Danse… I just wanted to properly thank you for helping us. It has been a stressful time and I would have left for the Prywen by now but I have to stay with my time to make sure they are good. I’m happy Haylen has continued to keep in contact with you,” Danse said, honestly.

“I’m glad to help out… sometimes we forget to help others… speaking of which, I’m making you something as a thank you, will you be at the police station in a week?” Stella asked. Danse chuckled, you could hear him blushing.

“I’m supposed to go back to the Prydwen in a few days, but I can always tell the Elder I need more time… that’s very thoughtful of you, soldier…” He paused as Stella smiled. Oh boy, she could feel that crush feeling crawling in. Not in this climate! “I’m glad you picked up, I wasn’t sure who or what I’d be talking to with Haylen’s radio,”  Danse chuckled.

“I’m glad you contacted me. I have a million things I should do, but no inspiration is hitting me at the moment,” Stella admitted as she looked at the empty page of her play and the loose screws of her gun. Ugh, creation block.

“Inspiration for what?” Danse asked.

“I’m writing a play and modding something special… usually, I’ll have the first scene of my play done and the rest just come naturally, but… I think I can’t get my mind off of what happened. I can’t write about our loses or my adventures ether. It’s been the plot of my last 3 plays. Love? Murder? Synthetic lies?! Ah, sorry for rambling…” Stella stumbled over her words as she thought of another generic plot point.

“You’re a writer? We don’t have many of those nowadays. I always wanted to go to a play, but I’m always busy for the Brotherhood. Maybe write something that could have happened before the war… Baseball or country music. Simple. Peaceful…” It was clear that Danse, too was trailing off, but Stella listened to him carefully. She didn’t know a lot about things from before the war. She only knew of this life.

“You’re more than welcome to come to Endcliff, we usually have productions of plays that our friend Cosmos puts on. Sometimes it’s someone else. He’s currently running around like a madman, putting up a rusty set. And yes, I’m more of an artist, you could say. I paint and dance and sometimes I bang on tables! Damnit that sounded… sexual, ah… you know what I mean,” Stella laughed, completely making herself sound like a fool. Danse laughed at her, enjoying the conversation they were having.

“I’ll try to find a way to Endcliff, and I think I have an idea of what you mean. I heard stories of Endcliff, it sounds like such a strange place, the Brotherhood could make use of such a place,” Danse replied.

“I’d hope you’re not planning on raiding us… you’re making me nervous, Paladin,” Stella joked. “And yea, Endcliff is about education and art. A lot of settlers and traders and people of all walks of life come here, some live here. Mayor Kinnojo kept it safe and the same since his father passed away. We don’t keep people out, but you do have to pass security and Benji takes his job seriously… expect for the raider ambush… poor Benji is still trying to hold himself together… Anyways, hows Brotherhood life? And don’t worry I’m not trying to get you to tell me all your secrets,” Stella laughed.

“The Brotherhood is an honor to be in. I’ve works hours with my brother and sisters, saw many good soldiers come and go. My whole life is dedicated to the Brotherhood… but you can say it’s more than that,” Danse let out a comforting sigh. “Have you considered joining the Brotherhood? After taking care of yourself, you seem to be what the Brotherhood is looking for,” Danse asked. Stella thought about it for a moment. 

“I ride solo, only really ride with Lucas and Joanna and for the people in Endcliff. It’s funny, back in the Capital Wasteland, I was around with a lot of Brotherhood soldiers but never would want to become one myself. I’d rather just do things my way, help people I want to help. I’m unsure why people always ask me to join their clubs… I mean, it’s nice that people think I’m good enough for them, but… it’s all bullshit,” Stella spoke with honesty. Maybe she should join one of those ‘clubs’. “I traveled with many people before I meet Joanna and Lucas, I was working with a raider gang, fixing their guns at one point. Hated every second of that gig… And of course the kids at Little Lamplight and the soldiers at Galaxy News Radio… but none of it felt like me. Yea, sure it gets lonely as hell when all you do is run with two people or even by yourself, but at those times I remember why I do it. To find clarity,” Stella looked at the blank page in her typewriter. “I suck… sorry for my life story… I really need to take it easy on the Nuka Cola,” Stella awkwardly laughed.

“It’s okay, soldier. I understand. I hope you change your mind and join us down the line,” Danse stated. If only he knew what she was… “I’m sorry to cut it short, but I have to go, Haylen and the team is back. I hope to see you soon,” With that and two goodbyes, the channel on her radio lost signal. She looked at her Pip-Boy. It was now midnight.

Stella got up and put on her coat. She wanted to go to Vista’s for a drink and some fucking food.

Usually, sitting at a bar, by yourself at midnight would be pretty fucking sad, but it’s Vista’s and tonight Kamilia was working. Stella sipped her whiskey as she listened to Liza Bush do her set. For such a popular hot spot for drunken mistakes, it was pretty fucking quiet tonight.

“Come here often?” Stella heard a recognizable voice next to her as she shifted her body. She prayed it wasn’t Danny… she would hate herself if it was… She took a sip as she looked to her left to see Deacon. She smiled and rolled her eyes as Deacon moved to sit next to her.

“Yes, all the time… What brings you back to Endcliff? Forget a disguise of ‘Pretentious Art Snob?’” Stella asked, making Deacon laugh.

“That would be such a good disguise for a place like this… but no… I came here to talk to you,” Deacon had some seriousness in his voice as Stella tilted her head in concern. 

“Deacon is everything okay?” Stella asked.

“Yes… and well… no. Remember that man who was with me last time I visited Athena? F8-L9 or Gray we called him?” Deacon asked, catching Stella’s mind up.

“Oh yes! He had a passion for the arts, a perfect fit for Endcliff. Is everything alright with him?” Stella asked.

“He was supposed to be here with me so he could get a residentship here after speaking with Mayor Kinnojo, but Glory said he went all cuckoo and fleed to Goodnaighbor for a memory wipe, I’m afraid the Institute is after him and he just had a memory wipe before his visit,” Deacon explained the situation. Stella took another sip of her drink.

“That sounds like a hard deal… two memory wipes in that short amount of time can be dangerous and afar from the Institue goes, you guys always got that part covered,” Stella stated.

“You’re going to hate me, but we need your help,” Deacon spoke. Stella raised her eyebrows.

“Why me? I’m not even an agent,” Stella reminded Deacon.

“Because what I’ve gathered, Gray really likes you and your art and maybe you could tell him something that could convince him. We don’t have to leave until tomorrow evening… Please, you owe us this much. And besides, don’t you miss traveling with this face?” Deacon asked as he batted his eyelashes, but of course, couldn’t see with him wearing sunglassed in a dim bar.

“Fine, but we’re going to Cambridge Police Station, I have to give a Paladin something for helping me,” Stella explained.

“Okay, deal… Thank you, Stella,” Deacon smiled as he got up and left. What happened with running alone?

Authors Note; This has been really fun writing and I have a whole plot for this story. Don’t worry, I won’t flood your timelines with only this story, I’ll post other junk too. Hope you enjoyed and my asks are open for anything x

[knifeonmars]

Capsule Reviews - May 2020 - The Cape Stuff

I read a lot of comics in May. Here’s what I thought of some of the superhero and superhero-adjacent comics I read.

Arms of the Octopus

A nostalgia pick, the collection of several annual issues containing a crossover between Superior Spider-Man, The Invincible Hulk, and the All-New X-Men. It is an artifact of a very specific and bizarre time in Marvel Comics, when Doc Ock was Spider-Man, the Hulk worked for SHIELD, and the original five teen X-Men were stranded in their own future. For a pure, relatively straightforward crossover romp, it's quite enjoyable. Spider-Man is a jerk, the Hulk fights a robot, the X-Men are befuddled by the present, all of the major beats for that particular moment in the Marvel Universe are there, and it's got some really great art. Jake Wyatt, during his regrettably short-lived stint with Marvel and the great Kris Anka unfortunately overshadow the other contributors, but it's all very good, if not the most accessible comic.

Maxwell's Demons

I came to Maxwell's Demons having heard a lot of critical buzz and with my expectations set rather high. I did not care for this book at all. Ambitious is the best word for this series, and that's not a bad thing. It's got ideas, about the craft, about the genre, about philosophy in general. It never quite manages to carry things off though; it's not as smart as it wants to be, and the high-minded ideas are never incorporated in particularly elegant ways. Three of the story's five chapters are essentially extended monologues in which the main character rambles on about some glorified shower thought for 20-plus pages. The first and second chapters are the exceptions to this pattern, and are quite solid as far as pointedly derivative superhero riffs go, even if the second chapter's riff on "What if Miracleman #17 was significantly less intelligent" is more than a little shameless in its lack of originality. The fourth chapter, by contrast, is the nadir of the series, easily the most embarrassing Manic Pixie Dream Girl tripe I've seen played straight in literal years. I'm reminded a lot of Translucid, another superhero pastiche, which essentially sought to do for Batman what Maxwell's Demons seeks to do for Lex Luthor. I warmed to Translucid significantly on my second read and I wonder if the same will end up being true for Maxwell's Demons, but I find that Translucid simply did a better job of incorporating original ideas and stating its themes in ways less stupefyingly clunky than Maxwell's Demon's ever manages. I hate to call a book pretentious, especially an ambitious one, but at present that's how I feel about this book.

Twilight

Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez and Howard Chaykin's Watchmen-for-mid-century-space-heroes epic. It's good. Fabulous art, some really interesting ideas and a great premise. It's also more than a little Chaykin-y, with most of the male characters having fraught but amiable relationships with their much-too-good-for-them-and-they-both-know-it ex-wives. It has this particular brand of low grade misogyny that idealizes women but in doing so denies them interiority and, ultimately, humanity. Leaving that aside, though it is a major point to leave aside, it’s story of humanity rotting over eons of immortality, mad space gods, and humanity’s proclivity towards colonialism and genocide, it's great. It’s not an altogether pleasant book, it can be nasty and strange, in ways both intentional and unintentional, but it’s original and engaging and decidedly well made. Something of an overlooked classic of that era’s DC output.    

Green Lantern: Earth One

Literally the only one of DC's Earth One graphic novels that's worth a damn. Where most of the other Earth One books choose to start things off in a world resembling our own, Green Lantern starts off in a scifi future resembling something along the lines of Ad Astra or The Expanse, with Earth controlled by an only alluded to totalitarian government, humanity colonizing and mining the solar system, and Hal Jordan as a spacefaring roughneck who dreads the prospect of returning to Earth. Earth One is the rare Green Lantern story that manages to make Earth as interesting as the rest of the universe. The bulk of the action leaves this behind to focus on unearth the lost legacy of the Green Lanterns and refits their mythology in a clean way which will be unsurprising for anyone with a passing familiarity with the original comics but is still satisfying ad fresh. Fabulous art, fun take on the mythology, I'm left both wanting more and being satisfied with what we got.

Spider-Man: Life Story

In a just world, Chip Zdarksy, one of Marvel’s best writers these days, would be writing both Spider-Man and Fantastic Four, instead of having been relegated to shortlived spinoffs. Because life just isn’t fair sometimes, instead he was given this admittedly ambitious project, his all-encompassing take on the Spider-Man story as played out in real time. In the end it’s bold and engaging, but more than a little clipped in execution. Each issue is a snippet of Peter Parker's life as we catch up to him in a new decade so readers only get a quick glimpse of the action and are left to fill in the substantial gaps by drawing on our knowledge of continuity. The obvious comparison is John Byrne's Superman/Batman: Generations, but where that story really only took the broad strokes of those characters' continuity into account in writing its decades spanning story, Spider-Man: Life Story is dedicated to the remixing of Spider-Man's publishing canon. So it can’t just take an archetypal view of Spider-Man and play that out to its logical conclusion, instead it’s stuck trying to incorporate version of prominent Spider-Man stories like Kraven's Last Hunt, Venom, and Civil War. The result means that there’s a ton of exposition in each issue, and frequent use of shorthand to gloss over things which have happened since the previous issue, and it never manages to explore the series’ original ideas in detail. Also, I'll die mad that Michel Fiffe, the genius behind COPRA and one of my favorite cartoonists, public pitched basically this exact story a year or so before this project was announced, and even if Marvel didn't actually steal the idea, I'll forever pine for Fiffe's take on this premise.

Star Wars: The Crimson Empire Saga

Long before the Disney's take on Star Wars, with their codified takes on the mythology and careful curation of the franchise, there was the old Star Wars Expanded Universe, where seemingly anyone could tell any story they wanted using the mythology of Star Wars. While it resulted in some good stuff, like Timothy Zahn's fondly remembered Thrawn books, the vast majority of it was workmanlike or even bad. Crimson Empire falls firmly into the category of bad, a dumber than dirt story about an extremely cool space guy and his code of honor. It's the kind of story where multiple characters say "He's just one man!" right before or right after seeing their legion of anonymous flunkies getting demolished by the hero. It's got an inexplicable and bad love story. In the three miniseries collected here it spends about two pages total dealing with the idea that maybe, just maybe, the fact that it's main character is dedicated to the lost honor of Emperor Palpatine, a space fascist, maybe his code of honor is completely fucked. Of those three miniseries, only the first story is anywhere near something that could be called good. I wouldn’t called Crimson Empire utterly abysmal, but it’s not unironically good. If the name Kyle Katarn means anything to you, you might get something out of this as a nostalgia trip, but otherwise it has no redeeming qualities.

Deathstroke: Legacy

The first of the New 52 Deathstroke stories, which was never well regarded until Christopher Priest took it over with Deathstroke: Rebirth, I was driven to read this by a conceptual fondness for this era's Deathstroke basically looking and acting like an action figure. Through that lens, it's quite enjoyable. It's not as obviously in on the joke in the way that the classic Taskmaster: Unthinkable is, but it's over the top, has fun designs and baddies, and Joe Bennett (years before his career best heights in Immortal Hulk) provides consistently good art. As a pure action comic, it's good.

Wolverine MAX: Permanent Rage

Here's the thing about Wolverine: There are very few good Wolverine solo stories. Wolverine is a genuinely good character, but most of his solo stories are dumb action affairs, and there's literally never been a Wolverine comic that's even halfway as good as the Logan movie. Permanent Rage, the first storyline from the Wolverine MAX series though, is actually pretty decent. It plays out a lot like you might imagine a Wolverine movie made around 2004, with no superheroes, a Japanese setting that allows for some distracting orientalism, unrelenting violence, and a noir-inspired storyline. The present day storyline is all well and good, not great, but solid and relatively low-key, but what makes the book is the presence of Sabretooth as the main villain. His relationship with Wolverine, fleshed out through flashbacks drawn by some really talented artists, is probably one of the best takes on that relationship that Marvel has ever put out. The casting of Wolverine and Sabretooth as two lonely immortals, bound together by hate and the knowledge that they are each other's only true companions, absolutely makes this book. Is it great? No, but it's got enough interesting things going on that fans of dark superheroes stories would probably find something to enjoy. Subsequent volumes of Wolverine MAX moved even further from the character’s superhero trappings and supporting characters, which is a pity, but this one remains readable and enjoyable on its own.

Marshal Law Omnibus

A collection all of the non-licensed and non-text-only Marshal Law stories. It's weird, it's punk, it's violent, it's sick of superheroes but self-aware about it own silliness in a way that Garth Ennis' work like The Boys has never been (Incidentally, the fifth story contained here, Super Babylon, is just every self-righteous complaint Ennis made about superheroes in The Boys but presented with a modicum of good humor). It's quite fun as a mean-spirited anti-superhero romp, but anyone who is particularly invested in the moral rectitude of, like, the Flash, might find it an unpleasant read so I would advise avoiding it if that's you. It's also not perfect, even for what it is: it's approach to sex work and kink is very dated, it relies on sexual violence a little too much, and by the time you get to the final story, Secret Tribunal, it's come to revel in its previously ironic fascist and misogynist imagery and characters just a little too much. The third installment, Kingdom of the Blind, is for my money, the strongest of the lot, featuring both the most straightforward premise and the most incisive satire the collection has to offer.

[ackervida]

Flames of Nirvana, ch 2

TW: This story will contain strong language, canon-typical violence, implied/mentions of rape, mentions of suicide, abuse, suicide attempts and explicit sexual content. It is manga compliant up until chapter 128, so there will be spoilers!

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23990044/chapters/57707902

Summary: In the heat of a never ending war, Levi finds himself recruiting a compromised spy. But the war outside is nothing compared to their own inner battles, and hand in hand, they find the strength to conquer them one by one. And the world follows.

Pairing: Levi x Reader

Chapter 1: https://ackervida.tumblr.com/post/617128447226101760/flames-of-nirvana-ch-1

Chapter 2

“Miss F/N.”

She mumbled something unintelligible, turning on her other side. Thankfully, her ribs had healed enough to prevent her from wheezing in pain with the movement – the lack of bandages around her face also made sleeping so much more comfortable, when F/N finally ended up succumbing to it. She hated it with every fiber of her being, yet there wasn’t much else for her to do during the past month other than sleep.

“Miss F/N, you have to wake up.”

F/N sighed, opening an eye to look at Falco’s cute little face. He and the other kiddo around, Gabi, had been taking turns bringing her meals and various other things in the past weeks. Apparently, they wanted to be helpful to the older soldiers, since they still had a year left before they could properly enroll in the military. F/N was saddened when they’d revealed this ambition to her, but in a way she could understand – once you’ve been on the frontlines, it was very difficult to sit idly, regardless of your age.

She had to admit, waking up to two adorable kids was much more pleasant than having the doctor come in – she hadn’t mentioned it to anyone, but F/N couldn’t quite stomach him. He had a bad habit of making her feel like she was exaggerating the pain she was in, his ‘routine’ examinations involved a suspicious amount of roaming hands and he’d kept her bedridden all this time – she knew from Falco and Gabi that the other three survivors had already been cleared, recovering in their new home, the Marleyan barracks. She had yet to even be allowed to walk, which was already becoming increasingly preposterous – she’d tried it unsupervised at night, and she was just fine. Also, a part of her was intrigued by the prospect of meeting her fellow renegades. In the chaos of the sewers, F/N hadn’t even managed to get a glimpse of their faces, and they hadn’t set foot inside her assigned room, not even after being discharged. She sometimes wondered if they held resentment for her for some reason, but then she remembered that only the higher ranking soldiers had introduced themselves: Hange, Magath and, implicitly, Levi.

F/N had been surprised when Levi finally made the proposition for her to join their forces. She had expected to put the information she possessed to good use, yes, but she was still nothing more than a compromised spy. She was useless in the field, since her identity was known. And yet, Levi had insisted – she didn’t have to be a spy, she could be a soldier.

All of her subsequent doubts had been promptly put down.

Her knowledge of weaponry was limited? She could learn.

Never used mobility gear in her life? There was a first for anything.

Her hand-to-hand combat skills were mediocre? He would teach her himself.

F/N couldn’t figure out why he was so adamant, but she’d agreed. Of course she had. She’d thought there was no purpose left for her, no reason for her to still be alive, nothing of use she could still provide. If even one person thought otherwise, though, then she would try her very best to prove them right.

If only she could get the fuck out of that bed.

“Hey, Falco,” she greeted through a yawn, stretching her nearly atrophied limbs. “How are you today?”

“Good,” he smiled, setting a tray on her nightstand. “It’s my birthday, actually,” he added shyly.

F/N gasped loudly, patting him on the head. She tried not to let her lack of nails bother her too much – it was strange, but not permanent. “Happy birthday! What are you doing here, then? Why aren’t you celebrating?”

“Well, I want to. But I’m waiting for everyone to come back to base. I thought I’d make cake for everybody.”

F/N hummed – indeed, she had received no visits from anyone other than Falco, Gabi and her insufferable doctor during the past couple of days. Not even from Levi, who visited her almost every day. They must have left for an assignment.

“You know how to bake a cake?” she asked with a small smile, gratefully accepting the bowl of soup. Cauliflower soup again, F/N couldn’t help but notice, chuckling quietly to herself. One of these days, she’d have to finally admit to Levi that she hated it with a passion, and her order at the teashop had been predetermined. She was, however, too hungry to be fussy – her appetite had finally returned.

Falco blushed at the question. “Um, I’ve never done it before...”

“Hmm,” F/N pondered for a moment, an idea slowly forming in her head. “Have you asked Gabi for help?”

Bless his little heart. One had to have lived in a cave to fail to notice the sweet, budding romance between those two, for the boy turned crimson at her question.

“S-She’s in town too. U-Um, don’t tell her I know, but I think she’s buying me a present.”

F/N very nearly cooed. These two were a big part of the reason why she managed to pull herself together in the past weeks – after all, who could mope around a couple of sweethearts?

She grinned, her eyes holding a mischievous glimmer. “So, there is no one around here for now?”

“The soldiers assigned for guard duty are here, and Mister Adam, Mister Joey and Miss Anya-“

“Mhmm. Well, in that case, I have a deal for you.”

Falco cocked his head in confusion. “A deal?”

F/N motioned for him to come closer, so she could whisper in his ear. “If you get me out of the infirmary, I’ll help you bake that cake.”

The boy gasped, his eyes turning wide. “But you’re not allowed to-“

“-Get out of bed, I know. But that’s ridiculous at this point. I can move just fine, but no one here wants to believe me,” she explained, employing a strategic little pout. Falco obviously felt for her, but he was still reluctant, she could tell.

“I don’t know… I don’t want to upset Captain Levi… He’s scary.”

F/N raised a brow at that. “Is he now? I think he’s actually quite nice.”

The poor boy was momentarily too stumped to offer a reply to that, so F/N shook her head and gave him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. I’m a big girl, if anyone gets upset then I will be the one dealing with them, not you. Plus, I can make a mean chocolate cake.”

Falco finally agreed, and she thanked him by excitedly ruffling his hair. For the first time in… longer than she could remember, she actually felt giddy for something.

And, true to her word, F/N easily stood on her own feet and began rummaging around the room to find a decent set of clothing – the short, transparent white robes she was constantly given to wear were another reason she couldn’t stand the doctor’s guts. In fact, Falco turned around so quickly he nearly popped a vein in his neck – he was used to seeing her lying in bed, covered by the sheets. He hadn’t expected… this.

“Could you keep watch outside, please? We don’t want to get caught before the fun even begins,” F/N said tactfully. As expected, the boy barely uttered an affirmative response before practically bolting outside.

She giggled to herself, then exhaled a breath of relief upon opening the small closet next to the window. Thank goodness. F/N quickly grabbed some fresh underwear, black leggings and a light blue, button-up shirt and walked into the attached bathroom. She was incredibly thankful for her little deal with Gabi – after a particularly unpleasant incident with her doctor, F/N had made a secret arrangement with the girl. F/N started bathing by herself, while Gabi claimed she had taken onto those duties for her – the young woman hadn’t divulged the real reason behind it, opting to just tell her that she wanted to at least do something by herself, but it was a welcome change regardless.

After a quick cleanup and a check on her remaining bandages, F/N spared one look in the mirror. She wasn’t a doctor, but this looked like a nice recovery to her. Admittedly, there were still a few injuries that needed further healing and she was still a little bit underweight, but those problems could be solved outside of this hellhole of a room. Maybe it was because her mental state was finally showing improvement, but F/N had had enough at this point.

“All clear?” she asked, poking her head outside the room. It was as if even the air itself was different, fresher.

“Let’s go,” said Falco, taking the lead and quietly, but quickly leading her somewhere. She made a point of remembering the various turns, gazing at the corridors and attached doors with interest. The infirmary seemed to be attached to the barracks, which was a bit strange to her – there were special areas destined for everything in Starke – but somehow, although bare, this place felt much more welcoming.

They ended up in a spacious area, filled with tables and chairs, and F/N realized it must be a sort of common room. Modest, but charming. She instantly loved it.

“The kitchen is here,” Falco said quietly, taking this sneaking-around business very seriously and opening another door. F/N chuckled, but raised her brows in appreciation upon stepping inside. It was quite large, and there were numerous labeled boxes neatly stocked in easily accessible places. All the pots, pans and kitchen utensils had a designated place, and there wasn’t a single dirty spoon in the entire kitchen.

“Wow, it’s so tidy,” she couldn’t help but say in awe. After all, unlike Starke, where they had people specially assigned for cleaning duties, Marley covered that by soldier rotation as far as she knew. They must be a very neat bunch, and in her experience, soldiers were anything but.

Falco turned to her, wearing a very serious expression. “Captain Levi always wants everything to be perfectly clean. It’s how it’s been ever since he moved here.”

“Oh?” F/N tilted her head, admittedly amused by this revelation. She couldn’t help but wonder where that particular quirk of his stemmed from.

“We’re going to have to clean everything before he gets here, and clean it right.”

She couldn’t help but burst into giggles. Why was the poor boy so scared of Levi? Yes, the way he said things could be coarse, but F/N hadn’t once heard a malicious word come out of the man’s mouth since she’d met him.

“Miss F/N! I’m serious!”

“Okay, okay,” she raised her hands defensively, containing her mirth for his sake. “We’ll clean everything, three times. Now let’s see, there’s flour, eggs, cocoa…”

“Wow,” Falco gaped for the umpteenth time, staring at the tall, delicious looking cake. F/N, who was having much more fun than she felt comfortable admitting, had decided to go all out and form cute little patterns in the chocolate buttercream.

“It looks so good!”

The entire place admittedly smelled amazing, and F/N smiled. The scent brought back happy memories, a welcome change from what she’d lived in recent times. She applied the last detail and sent Falco a knowing look. “Do you want to lick the spoon?”

“Can I??”

“Well, I’ll be,” an unfamiliar voice made them both jolt and turn around, only to meet three different pairs of eyes.

“Whoa, that is massive!” a blue eyed, young man whistled, jogging ahead of the other two individuals to get a better look. He was tall, skinny and had a pale complexion, with a tuft of curly brown hair. “This is the surprise you were talking about, Falco?”

“It’s better!” the boy laughed, his eyes closing in bliss as he licked the gooey wooden spoon clean. “Miss F/N, this is delicious!”

Her name seemed to spark recognition in all of them, which led to a rather uncomfortable moment of them staring at her, while she understood who exactly they were.

“It’s good to finally meet you,” F/N eventually said, testing the waters more than anything. “You all seem to have recovered nicely.”

“Wait – you were discharged?” the same young man exclaimed, as if in disbelief. Upon giving him a better look, there were no traces of physical wounds that she could see, and F/N realized he must have been the one who’d been lucky enough not to get whipped before the Starkans fled.  “They said your doctor wanted to keep you in bed for another two months.”

F/N simply shrugged. “Well, I disagreed with that.”

“I-I’m Joey,” he extended his hand, as if just remembering that they had yet to properly acquaint themselves, although they knew of each other. “Joey Fawkes.”

She smiled politely, accepting the handshake. The other, older man then approached her and F/N could immediately tell that, whatever was weighing down on his soul, he wasn’t coping well. The frown etched on his features wasn’t one of ill will, she could see that in his expressive brown eyes – he was just incredibly sad.

The man, whom she identified to be Adam, didn’t introduce himself or offer a handshake. Instead, after paying her one look, he reached out and scooped some buttercream off the cake with his finger.

Deep down, that gesture irked F/N, but she didn’t let it show.

“Not too sweet,” he commented with a surprisingly smooth voice. She offered a smile.

“It’s good,” Adam said, after which he walked straight to the gas stove and set a kettle on the flame, probably in order to make coffee or tea.

“Don’t mind him,” Anya whispered in her ear, laying a strong arm on her shoulder and speaking their mother tongue. “He still hasn’t gotten used to being here… and it’s not a happy story.”

F/N hummed in understanding, watching him with a sympathetic look.

“So why the hell haven’t you been discharged yet, sugar? You’re stick thin, but other than that you seem fine,” the woman said louder, in a rough Marleyan, grabbing her by the shoulders and staring at her up and down. Anya seemed to have a long scar through her lips and down her chin, but it had healed quite nicely from the looks of it.

F/N shrugged, not really eager to get into the topic concerning her doctor, especially around Falco.

“Ah, I’m not really sure. I guess doctor Meyer wants to clear me when I’m fully healed.”

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say, for Anya’s face instantly darkened – it was quite a scary sight. Next to her, Joey drew in a nervous breath.

“Meyer? Isn’t that the one you socked in the family jewels?” he asked Anya innocently. The brunette harrumphed.

“Stuck up piece of shit who can’t keep his hands to himself? You’ve been assigned to him? And you haven’t kicked him in the dick?”

“Err,” F/N didn’t quite know how to respond, the whole subject making her extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed. She was not exactly used to having the liberty to issue complaints regarding other people’s treatment of her body. That seemed to become apparent, for Anya and Joey both regarded her with sudden understanding.

“Look, doll, I know you were in the espionage unit and I know what that means. But that’s over and done with now. Someone acts in a way you don’t like, you should say something. Or sucker punch them,” Anya said, adding the last part as an afterthought, as if she were talking about daisies. “Actually, Joey here trained to be a field medic and he’s pretty damn good. You can take a look at her, yeah?”

“Sure,” he grinned, white teeth showing. “If you’re okay with that, F/N. We should all have each other’s backs, after all.”

“Thanks,” F/N replied, a little bit too quickly. She recognized that they were trying to be helpful, but unfortunately the little pep talk only made her feel like a deer in headlights – it wasn’t a matter she was in any way happy to discuss, and she felt exposed. “I appreciate it, but I’m fine, really. I really should, ah, get started on cleaning this place though, huh Falco? I made a huge mess,” F/N forced herself to laugh, escaping the conversation altogether. Thankfully, Falco pretended to have not heard the exchange and nodded vigorously. He intended to get started on the dishes in the sink, yet F/N playfully pushed him away with her hip.

“Birthday boys don’t have to do cleanup,” she chided. “Also, shouldn’t your friends be back by now?”

“No!” surprisingly, all three of her compatriots yelled vehemently. F/N cocked her head to the side in befuddlement, but caught Adam, who was sipping his black coffee, subtly gesturing towards the door and then making a flashing motion with his hand.

Ahh, okay. She got it.

“How about we all clean together?” Joey proposed excitedly, not giving Falco enough time to properly question the outburst. “We’ll get it done faster and there’s less of a chance Captain Levi will have your heads!”

“What the hell is up with that?” F/N mumbled quietly to herself, but shook her head and joined the enthusiastic agreement. She grabbed a broom and got to work.

They were almost done, when Joey began a series of intense (and quite hilarious) gestures behind Falco’s back. F/N had to cover her smile with her hand.

“Why don’t you all take a break and hang out in the mess hall? I’ll finish in here,” she offered.

“Are you sure, Miss F/N?”

“Yes, yes, go on ahead,” the young woman waved him off, already taking her strategic position behind the cake. It was a good thing she’d had the inspiration to place it on a wheeled cart in the first place – there was no way she could carry something so heavy with her injuries.

“Alright, then,” Falco agreed with a wide smile. “Thank you again, Miss F/N!”

Anya inconspicuously passed her an object as she left, and F/N couldn’t help the happy giggle that escaped her mouth upon hearing the loud cheer that echoed as soon as they made their entrance into the mess hall. Falco was a great kid, he deserved it.

She quickly took the twelve candles out of the bag Anya had dropped into her hand and began placing them neatly on the cake. She lit them all with matchsticks and then, grimacing in pain from the effort, she pushed the cart into the mess hall.

Completely aware that her presence would be met with shock, F/N instantly began singing a birthday song, which they all had no choice but to join. She could still feel that she was being stared at, but this was Falco’s moment – and, anyway, she forgot all about it when she saw him being squished by Gabi in a tight hug. It was too cute.

“Make a wish and blow the candles!”

He did just that, and then he accepted his birthday wishes with a beaming face. “Can we all have cake now, Miss F/N?”

Gabi stared with wide eyes. “It looks so good!”

“You have no idea!”

“The hell are you doing here?” F/N faced the inevitable, turning towards Levi halfway even as she began serving slices. She decided to take her chances and be a bit cheeky, offering him a plate.

“I made birthday cake.”

Predictably, he did not find her dry humor tasteful, but Hange stepped in before the Captain could respond.

“Anya told me you’ve been having the same trouble as her with Dr. Meyer?”

F/N exhaled through her nose. She’d wished to be able to weasel herself out of the situation without having to talk about it, she really had.

“What?”

“It’s nothing serious. I feel fine and I wanted to get out of bed. Obviously that wasn’t such a horrible idea, since I haven’t dropped dead yet.”

Unlike Anya, Hange immediately tuned in to her reluctance to speak of it and F/N was grateful that she dropped it. “I’ll go ahead and make the arrangements for you to be cleared then.”

“Thank you.”

The bespectacled scientist gave her a warm smile and, true to her word, walked out. Levi clicked his tongue.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Oh, hi!” F/N cheerfully greeted Levi’s former squad as they all came over to get their slices. “This is your team, right?” she addressed Levi, purposely ignoring his question. He grumbled something about it not being so officially anymore, obviously annoyed that she’d deflected him.

“How do you know?” Armin asked, raising a brow. “I mean, we weren’t allowed to visit you per doctor’s orders.”

“He talks about you guys a lot,” F/N grinned, eyeing each one of them for a moment. “Let’s see… Armin, Jean, Mikasa and Connie?”

“…Right,” said Connie, on behalf of all of them. “I didn’t know you liked us enough to talk about us, Captain.”

“Piss off, brats.”

F/N tried to contain her laughter when they did exactly as he said, but apparently she failed.

“Something funny?”

“No. It’s just,” she relented, not wanting to get on his nerves for evading two questions in a row. “Everyone seems to be so scared of you.”

“Tch.”

“Poor Falco was manic about cleaning the kitchen.”

Levi deadpanned, walking past her. F/N blinked for a moment, after which she had to hold her aching sides from the force of her laughter, following him back into the kitchen. She couldn’t believe it – he’d actually walked there to check if it was clean?

“At least it’s not despicable,” was the verdict.

She leaned against a sparkling clean counter, mirth dancing in her eyes. “Oh?”

“The wooden spoons are in the wrong place, there are condensation marks on the oven door and you missed a few crumbs on the floor.”

F/N watched as he moved around, fixing the errors he spoke of.

“Hmm. So what would happen if everything weren’t spotlessly clean?”

Levi cocked his head at her, momentarily halting his actions. He didn’t speak right away. “Why wouldn’t it be, if it can be? We’re not pigs, so why live like them.”

“Have you lived like a pig before?” she prodded him further, observing the way he methodically wiped the oven door. It definitely didn’t look like something compulsive since he didn’t seem to think twice about getting dirty when the situation required it - it was probably a control issue.

The Captain sent her a look. “Are you trying to pick my brain again?”

F/N lifted her hands in surrender. She couldn’t help it sometimes – it was her natural charisma, coupled with her compassionate demeanor which made her easy to open up to that had gotten her recruited in the first place, and now that she possessed an entire arsenal of techniques, it was difficult not to employ them without thinking.

“You’re awfully curious about others for someone who barely talks about herself.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to prod.”

“That wasn’t my point,” Levi countered. However, he seemed to decide that pushing her was just as futile as her pushing him, so the Captain changed his approach. “Are you getting along well with the others?”

F/N tilted her head, offering a small shrug. “They’ve been kind to me so far.”

“Tch. I’d be surprised if they weren’t – they wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”

F/N gazed at him with a small, genuine smile. From day one, he’d found ways to pepper in comments that would help build her up. So small that you could blink and miss them, and yet meaningful all the same. He didn’t have to, just like he didn’t have to save her from the sewers, and yet he did. Maybe it was hard to see for others, but she hadn’t specialized in reading people for nothing; in his own way, he was one of the kindest people she’d ever met.

“That wasn’t what I meant though,” Levi continued, unaware of the gentle expression in her eyes as she regarded him. “Could you see yourself working with them?”

That took her slightly off-guard. Crossing her arms over her chest, F/N walked over until she was at eye level with him and she lifted both eyebrows inquisitively. “What could you possibly have in mind that includes a special ops soldier, an engineer, a medic and a spy?”

Levi met her stare directly, and F/N instantly realized that there wasn’t a shroud of doubt in his mind regarding his idea. “A squad.”

“You still feel guilty about her, don’t you?” Hange’s quiet voice snapped Levi out of his haze. Uncharacteristically, he’d allowed his mind to wander, and it appeared that his gaze had decided to remain on F/N. She was seated alongside her compatriots, listening to Joey and Anya’s animated talk patiently and occasionally pitching in to say something or to try to include Adam in the conversation.

Levi had allowed Hange to drag him to breakfast that morning, even though it wasn’t his favorite activity after his routinely sleepless nights, and as the scientist placed a number of files on the table, he began to understand why.

He sighed in reply to her question, reading some lines from the files fugitively – he’d already done it a hundred and three times. “I wouldn’t call it guilt.”

“Hmm. Then what is it?”

The Captain clicked his tongue, his features showing his internal struggle to put his thoughts into words. “We’ve dealt with spies before, but she’s different. It’s like she can snap her fingers and get inside my head – she got me thinking about why I’m so adamant about cleaning, for fuck’s sake.”

Hange couldn’t help but chuckle, despite the off-put glare she received for it. “Oh? And why are you so adamant about cleaning?”

“I don’t fucking know. I didn’t let her get that far. Maybe it would have made me turn upside down and start living like a slob instead, how should I know,” he said dryly, a shiver going down his spine even as the words came out of his mouth. He’d never given it a second thought until F/N had implied it may have something to do with his upbringing – now he couldn’t stop thinking about it. A part of him wanted to know, a part of him was terrified of it. It was infuriating.

“Well, for one, the spies we’ve dealt with before were kids who simply infiltrated our ranks. She has a different kind of training. Are you concerned she has ulterior motives?”

“She’s given me no reason to think that.”

“Ah. So that’s what it is then. You’re scared she might, but she’s too good for you to realize it,” Hange deduced. Levi didn’t give her verbal confirmation, but it wasn’t like she needed any. “You’re not used to anyone being able to figure you out – not in such a short amount of time, at least – and you’re also not used to actually being interested in what someone has to say. I’m not saying we won’t continue to monitor all of them carefully, but maybe you should give her a bit more credit?”

Levi took some time to mull over his friend’s words, and ultimately he grunted in reluctant agreement. After all, since it had been decided that all four of the Starkan renegades would come to form a cohesive unit under his command, he would have plenty of time to make sure they were all loyal to their new allegiance. He just couldn’t help but feel a nagging discomfort – unlike the others, who were fairly easy for him to understand, talking with F/N sometimes felt like he was talking to a brick wall. She was cooperative, yet she was probably more adept than even Erwin at weaseling her way out of subjects she didn’t want to discuss. The fact that she could read him so easily while it was so hard for him to understand her also didn’t help.

“Well, since all of them have been discharged now, I think it’s time to get down to business, don’t you?” Hange brought him back to the present again, munching on a slice of buttered toast. Levi hadn’t commented on it, but deep down he found it endearing that Hange had discovered a passionate infatuation with all things dairy since they’d relocated to Marley. After all, animal products had been considered a luxury for the better part of their lives.

“Right,” he agreed. They’d convened that the interrogation process could wait until the newest additions to their forces were at least mostly recovered, their files now containing only the background the four of them had provided during the past month. Levi’s eyes annoyingly rested on F/N’s file first, where it was written that the twenty-four year old had grown up in a very high-profile family of politicians and her recruitment had occurred on the same day that Victor Baal came to power. That had interrupted her superior studies, which revolved around history and politics – fitting, Levi had to admit. The details pertaining to her family and her experience in the Starkan espionage unit were still blank, while the reason for her treason was decidedly obvious.

Next, he glanced at Joey’s file. He was the oldest of five, and at twenty years of age he’d decided to use his natural caregiving skills in order to join the army and get a better salary to support the rest of his orphaned siblings. Five years later, despite a lack of superior medical education, he was deemed proficient enough to be sent on the frontlines – at the same time, however, Baal’s rise to power had prompted him to quickly make arrangements to leave the military. That proved impossible, and all he managed to do was get his family out of the country and into Marley before being caught and facing trial.

In fact, that had been the soldiers’ assignment the previous day – they’d verified the address that Joey had given them, indeed meeting four kids ranging from ten to twenty years of age living in a cramped little space. Reiner had taken it upon himself to find a better living arrangement for them, and although Joey hadn’t been allowed to visit them himself, they were toying with the idea to allow it in the foreseeable future.

Adam seemed to only open up to Hange for some reason, and he hadn’t offered much other than his initial explanation – he didn’t like talking about it, and he hated being so far away from the possibility of finding his daughters even more. He was the one Levi was most concerned about – the Captain knew he would place his own interests over theirs in a heartbeat, and that was something he needed to control carefully.

Lastly, Anya was the most straightforward story. She disagreed with everything regarding Baal’s regime, she had no immediate family to worry about and she had none of Joey’s prudent nature or F/N’s finesse. The forty year old had snapped one day, killing her teammates as well as her squad leader in plain view. Apparently – and she was quite proud of this – eight soldiers had been required to finally detain her. She’d been in the special ops, so Levi was quite glad that at least one of them possessed fighting skills of high caliber.

“Do you want to do it the same way as last time? I talk with the men and leave the ladies to you?”

“No,” Levi replied after giving it some thought. “I think we should all do it, including the brats. They’re suspicious and they’re avoiding them.”

Levi couldn’t blame them – whether from the Paradise or Marleyan side, all younger soldiers were quietly distrustful of the four Starkans. They’d all experienced betrayal, so it was only natural. The only reason they hadn’t spoken of it was their respect for their Captain and Commander, and Magath respectively. Levi knew them well enough, however (his brats, at least), and their compassion always warmed them up. They’d lost so much, but they hadn’t lost that part of themselves yet.

“Alright, then. We’ll start after breakfast.”

Magath opened the door and F/N offered Joey a warm smile as he walked out. The young man was quite obviously worn out from the experience, but his blue eyes stubbornly remained bright. He returned the gesture, patting her on the shoulder as he walked past.

“You’ll feel better at the end,” he tried to encourage her. F/N didn’t quite believe it would be so, but she appreciated his words regardless.

She was the last to walk into the spacious office, and by this time it was already late afternoon. Embarrassingly, her stomach had begun singing with hunger – it was ridiculous, how her appetite had soared in the past days. She hoped her guts wouldn’t holler during the following ordeal, but then again F/N guessed she had bigger things to worry about.

She couldn’t hide or escape anymore – she’d have to talk. And no matter how much time she spent steeling herself outside that door, she knew how badly her vulnerability was going to affect her.

Although she knew better than to think it would be of any help, F/N straightened her shoulders and held her head up high as she took her seat, gazing at the faces surrounding her. They ranged from conflicted to disheartened to downright bored, if the blonde girl sitting cross legged on the windowsill was any indication.

F/N opened her mouth to say something that, for her own sake, would lighten the atmosphere and alleviate those heavy stares, but her stomach beat her to it by releasing the loudest growl she had ever heard coming out of her own damn self. She turned crimson.

Connie was the first to burst into laughter, followed by Jean, Hange, Reiner, and soon enough most inhabitants of the room were at the very least turning away to hide a smile, like Levi was.

“Me too,” said Annie, and even though she was dead serious, her inference only amplified the general hilarity. Connie sent her a sly look.

“What’s that, Annie? You want some pie?”

“Sorry, Annie,” added Reiner, despite the murderously sour expression on her face. “I seem to remember you’ve already eaten all the pie on the continent.”

“…Do we have pie or not?” F/N found it an appropriate time to pitch in, causing them to burst into laughter all over again because she wasn’t even aware of the inside joke.

“Alright, alright,” Magath waved his hands. “We’ll resume this after dinner.”

Walking into the mess hall, F/N was a bit disappointed that her compatriots weren’t there. She could understand they may all need time to themselves right then, but she wasn’t momentarily sure where to take a seat after getting her potato stew and leftover slice of cake from the day before. Her eyes searched for Levi, but found Jean’s waving hand instead.

Accepting the invitation with a small smile, she sat next to him and facing Mikasa. Out of all of them, she was the least talkative, and F/N couldn’t pretend that she didn’t know why. She had yet to reveal it, but she’d been obliged to study information pertaining to all of them.

“Thanks for the cue back there, we were all starving,” was Jean’s opening line, to which F/N released a soft snort.

“I can’t take credit. I’ve been hungry nonstop recently,” she admitted in Eldian, momentarily shocking them. They shared a few glances and visibly, albeit unconsciously relaxed, making F/N smile to herself – people always underestimated the power of language and how speaking one’s mother tongue could make them feel at home.

“I used to know someone like that,” Connie chuckled lightly, though the mirth didn’t reach his eyes. Instead, he gazed at the food wistfully. “Potato stew and chocolate cake… Sasha would have loved this.”

Their eyes all drooped with heartache and yet they smiled, as if they didn’t know which emotion was stronger – their grief or their affection for whomever they were remembering. Mikasa hummed, bringing a spoonful of cake to her lips.

“Sasha would have needed to be tied up over this.”

Her comment prompted a series of mild, approbatory chuckles to commence around the table, after which Armin leaned back and sighed.

“It’s so strange, isn’t it? Not long ago, all the people in this hall were on opposite sides of the battlefield, killing each other and those dear to them. Now we’re laughing together and eating the same food. I’m… still not used to it, if I’m honest.”

No one had a reply at the ready for him, so F/N sighed. “I know it probably won’t help, but it’s better food than anything in Starke.”

Her change of subject seemed to be a welcome one, for their eyes rested on her with interest.

“Oh, really? Somehow I expected everything to be better there,” Jean stated, not without bitterness in his tone.

F/N hummed negatively. “No. Not anymore, at least. Food isn’t viewed as something to be enjoyed or something to bond over. You have a strict plan made according to your body and what it is expected to achieve, and if that plan entails eating a piece of beef with porridge, then you’re eating a piece of beef with porridge.”

“Not anymore?” Armin questioned, always perceptive. “You mean since Victor Baal came to power?”

“Right. Things used to be very different, as I’m sure you’ve been told.”

They had been, and still there was curiosity lingering in their eyes. Connie opened his mouth to ask a question, however he was cut short by Levi appearing beside them.

“Come on, brats. We don’t have all day.”

F/N raised a brow at him. “Am I a brat, too?” she asked, just for the sake of it, because she was about to experience an unpleasant range of emotions soon enough and at least right then she still retained her sense of humor.

“You’re a pain in my ass,” was his deadpan, obviously sarcastic answer. She couldn’t help but grin, despite the looks she received for it – his sense of humor was crude, dry, but somehow it got the job done.

That small instance of relief was, however, short lived. Soon enough, she was back in the chair and there was no delaying it anymore.

The first question reached her ears, and she had no choice but to speak.

[thatgoddamnflipphone]

Steve/Tony Fic Rec List Part 1 - MCU Canonverse

Over 70 fic below the cut -- some in the middle still need summaries I will add over time.

These are listed in approximately the order I read them, so mostly random.

(MCU Verse. Comics Verses. Semi-Canon AUs. Full AUs. Post-IW. Still to come: a crapload of under 10k fic! To see the whole list as a Google Doc, go to tinyurl.com/streclist)

LAST EDIT: 8/30/19 - NEW FIC MARKED WITH ~

Guys and Bots by Scaramouche (@no-gorms). Follows the movies with the difference that they kiss at the end of AoU. Series with a hopeful ending (hey it’s CW it can’t be ALL happy). 32k https://archiveofourown.org/series/727023

Gained in Translation by Scaramouche (@no-gorms) . Short getting together fic between TWS & AoU. 11k https://archiveofourown.org/works/14020488

The Last Love Song of Anthony E. Stark by Jibrailis. Tony is infected with an Asgardian disease that causes slow memory loss. They travel to Asgard for a cure while he slowly forgets who and where he is. ANGST. 42k https://archiveofourown.org/works/349478

The Act of Creation Will Be Your Salvation by @scifigrl47. This is the first in a looooong series, the whole thing is pretty great but if you’re not into kidfic you can just read this first one, it’s self contained and phenomenal. Follows Tony from when he first creates Dummy through Avengers and beyond, focusing on his relationship with his bots (and then of course Steve). You WILL cry about robots. 85k https://archiveofourown.org/works/401961/chapters/662516

Four (Or Five) Reasons for Kidnapping Tony Stark by @scifigrl47. Also part of a long series, you can read the first two also but this is where it really picks up and she really gets a feel for the characters. Kidnapping! (Fairly mild) Torture! Tony being brilliant! Pining! Presumed dead! It’s tagged pre-slash but there is smooching so it’s really not. 78k https://archiveofourown.org/works/391599/chapters/642784

Sixpence In His Shoe by @scifigrl47. (Yes this is the same author again, get used to it I am a completionist and read everything.) This is one of the BEST accidental marriage fics I’ve read, omg. This ship is complicated by the fact that they are FAMOUS, so fake or accidental marriages have far reaching consequences that are fascinating to explore. This hits all my sweet spots. 103k https://archiveofourown.org/works/11443803/chapters/25647162

Lessons on how to be Worthwhile by @pensversusswords A beautiful Tony character study, hurt/comfort. 19k https://archiveofourown.org/works/2306576/chapters/5075171

Truth Behind Masks by @scifigrl47 MCU/comics fusion where Tony takes Coulson up on the “bodyguard” alibi at the end of IM1. The team thinks Tony & Iron Man are sleeping together, while Steve, of course, is falling in love with “both” of them. I adore Sam in this, there’s a scene with him and Steve that makes me cry every time. 98k https://archiveofourown.org/works/1523327/chapters/3221816

Christmas Holiday by @scifigrl47 A proposal, wedding, honeymoon fic where literally everything goes wrong in hilarious ways. Cracky but amazing. 19k https://archiveofourown.org/works/5474990

My Lost City by elise_509 42k https://archiveofourown.org/works/1008115/chapters/1999662

In the Stillness of Remembering by elise_509 A fandom classic. Just read it. 70k https://archiveofourown.org/works/557155/chapters/993923

As Sharp As Any Thorn by RurouniHime (@thegertie) Holy shit this fic. The angst is THROUGH the ROOF I had to stop reading a few times but damn it’s good (and happy ending!). Basically someone hacks Tony’s suit while he’s in it, causing him to attack the team and almost-fatally injure Steve. Steve spends a good bit of the fic in a coma and they don’t know if he’ll make it, while the public calls for Iron Man’s head, and Tony can’t get the memory of beating Steve out of his head. Damn. So good. 47k https://archiveofourown.org/works/725234 

With Words Other Than These by RurouniHime (@thegertie) Post-mission adrenaline fueled comfort sex. Yes please. 14k https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012230

When Our Day Comes by @thepartyresponsible Ok this is super short but HILARIOUS so if you need something to read after some of the above angst … 6k https://archiveofourown.org/works/14764490

Evening Comfort by ann2who (@stark-spangled-lovers)  Steve & Tony run into each other at a gay bar, decide to roll with it and pretend they are strangers. 21k https://archiveofourown.org/works/4734002/chapters/10819700

A New Way For Us by ann2who  (@stark-spangled-lovers) TIME TRAVEL SHENANIGANS Strange sends Tony back in time to try and fix things before Thanos, prevent Civil War, etc.  24k https://archiveofourown.org/works/9825590/chapters/22062992

Serenity Oasis by @festiveferret Omggggggg. So they wake up at a couples resort with amnesia. Are they undercover? Did they get married for real? We Just Don’t Know, and neither do they! 20k https://archiveofourown.org/works/13147377/chapters/30070665

(what is hate) but jilted love by LemonGrenade Post-Civil War Fix-it, Tony is injured and recovering away from it all in a cabin. Enter the Snowed In In A Canadian Shack trope! 27k https://archiveofourown.org/works/15344694

Flower Child by @itsallavengers Tony overcoming toxic programming from Howard, learning to be soft, oh and Steve punches Howard when he shows up in the future so. That’s really all I needed to love this. 24k https://archiveofourown.org/works/15399303

Lost Together by @festiveferret A fun take on the soulmate mark trope - Steve & Tony end up in an alternate universe with soulmate marks, and have to both hide that they don’t have them and pretend to be a couple because Reasons. Tropey goodness! 68k https://archiveofourown.org/works/12282594/chapters/27918672

More Than the Average Good by @royal-chandler Tony is the one to find Steve after Bucky pulls him out of the river in TWS. He convinces Steve to come back to the Tower with him, where they grow closer but eventually the truth about Tony’s parents needs to come out. 16k https://archiveofourown.org/works/15219425

Guessing Game by @itsallavengers Sort of an ambiguous universe but it’s close enough to MCU. Tony wakes up not remembering the last 24 hours, with a hole in his leg, and Steve carrying him through underground tunnels to escape a Skrull invasion. But is it really Steve? 21k https://archiveofourown.org/works/12746256

Butterfly Dreams by Teyke This fic is a mind fuck with a happy ending. Steve is switching between two universes every time he falls asleep - in one, it’s post-CW and Tony is missing. In the other, Steve & Tony are on their honeymoon. Each feels real - which one is? 38k https://archiveofourown.org/works/8677540

Semaphore by DevilDoll "I’m trying to like you, Tony. You’re just making it very hard." 40k https://archiveofourown.org/works/314102/chapters/503103

All the Time in the World by missbecky (@missbeckywrites) Post-TWS, Steve’s team needs a place to land and end up at the Tower. When Steve & Tony quickly grow close, a stalker gets very irate. 38k https://archiveofourown.org/works/2646503

To the Victor by @thegraytigress OH BOY. Steve “dies” on a mission. Tony is certain he’s still alive - is he in denial? Everyone else thinks so. Hmm. BRING ON THE ANGST. 242k https://archiveofourown.org/works/8162986/chapters/18705922

The Trial Run by scaramouche (@no-gorms) 14k https://archiveofourown.org/works/15027899

Fix You by @thegraytigress 74k https://archiveofourown.org/works/5900494/chapters/13602163

Shiver by @thegraytigress 54k https://archiveofourown.org/works/10868364

Equivalence by @thegraytigress 28k https://archiveofourown.org/works/7312558

Falling Into You by @sabrecmc Fuck buddies until Steve loses his memory (yay Loki), Tony doesn’t tell Steve about their “arrangement.” Then feelings happen. 53k https://archiveofourown.org/works/3731302/chapters/8269387

I wanted to fix this (but couldn't stop from tearing it down) by @missbeckywrites 51k https://archiveofourown.org/works/529127

Better Angels/Lesser Demons by @sabrecmc A CW fix-it where Peggy leaves some home videos for Steve in her will. 34k https://archiveofourown.org/series/891720

Good For You by @orbingarrow “Steve doesn't understand why Tony dates people who abuse him. Tony doesn't understand why Steve cares.The rest is bad choices, good choices, rehab, milkshakes, paintball, YouTube videos, couples therapy and learning to put the past in the past. Or: How Tony finds his happy ending.” 42k https://archiveofourown.org/works/6093591

Into Words by @dirigibleplumbing 32k https://archiveofourown.org/works/14817710

I Am With You by @dirigibleplumbing Steve tries to adjust to life in the 21st century, with the help of his new team/family, and especially Tony. Great Steve character stuff. 25k https://archiveofourown.org/works/15166046

Never for the Dragon by @ladyshadowdrake (MCU/616 fusion) READ THE TAGS you will definitely cry. Like really seriously full on sobs. But it’s extremely worth it. 89k https://archiveofourown.org/works/7120420

Tensile Strength by sahiya 21k https://archiveofourown.org/works/15779712

all warm-blooded creatures by nanasekei (@elcorhamletlive) “From a very early age, Steve Rogers was aware that he was going to die of cold.” 13k https://archiveofourown.org/works/15196187

Hating Steve Rogers by nanasekei (@elcorhamletlive) I loooove fic where post-Avengers Tony goes from a lifetime of hate and resentment towards Captain America to falling in love with Steve Rogers. 16k https://archiveofourown.org/works/14813219

'Til Death Do Us Part by @itsallavengers Steve has to fake his death on a mission. SHIELD “forgets” to tell his husband. 15k https://archiveofourown.org/works/15905544

Home Is Where the Time Machine Is by @wordsplat There is NOT ENOUGH of this trope in this fandom! Steve & Tony’s daughter from the future shows up, tries not to spill the beans about them getting together. 23k https://archiveofourown.org/works/1030540

Stay With Me (home is where your mind is.) by sara_holmes (@captn-sara-holmes) 67k https://archiveofourown.org/works/1246060

Bond Has It Covered by sara_holmes 66k https://archiveofourown.org/works/1104870

Counterpart by sara_holmes 217k https://archiveofourown.org/works/1659452

when i run out of road, you bring me home by quidhitch 18k https://archiveofourown.org/works/16153091

Over Sea, Under Stars by vorkosigan 36k https://archiveofourown.org/works/8635870

Unintended by sheron 37k https://archiveofourown.org/works/13446870

i found a way to let you in, but i never really had a doubt by quidhitch 16k https://archiveofourown.org/series/1191442

In Your Warmth I Forget How Cold It Can Be by izazov 29k https://archiveofourown.org/works/13137222

In Dreams (Everything Makes Sense) by msermesth 42k https://archiveofourown.org/works/9924365

Die Hard (But Only If No Other Options Are Readily Available) by JenTheSweetie 24k https://archiveofourown.org/works/4702037

Things We Learned at the End of the World by JenTheSweetie 13k https://archiveofourown.org/works/14867777

An Infinite Number Of Monkeys At Typewriters (Or, Steve and Tony Finally Get It Right) by JenTheSweetie 19k https://archiveofourown.org/works/8310553

More Than Gravity by JenTheSweetie 21k https://archiveofourown.org/works/5502959

Of Things Lost in Time by erde Post-IW Steve gets caught in an AoU groundhog day ahhhhh! 16k https://archiveofourown.org/works/17217959

Love's Such an Old-Fashioned Word by scaramouche 11k https://archiveofourown.org/works/17344631

Never Eye To Eye by vorkosigan 26k https://archiveofourown.org/works/8776729

Of Books and Memories and Snow by vorkosigan 22K https://archiveofourown.org/works/10876335

Lost in Transcription by Veldeia Cool science-based canonverse soulmate AU - science has recently discovered genetic markers for soulmates. Uh oh. 25k. https://archiveofourown.org/works/13982646 

And The Void Would Be Calling. by jadedoll 17k https://archiveofourown.org/works/387387

Sticky Business by OftheLilies 19k https://archiveofourown.org/works/12976434

All These Half-Tones of the Soul by nostalgicatsea Angsty retelling of canon as a soulmate au. 23k https://archiveofourown.org/series/994596

Overhaul by Annie D (scaramouche) 19k https://archiveofourown.org/works/17846375

Northwest to Nowhere by Veldeia 17k https://archiveofourown.org/works/5456477

Untapped Opportunities by Serinah The classic “they meet on a cybersex site but don’t know who they are talking to” with lots of fluff, angst, and porn. BDSM. 62k https://archiveofourown.org/works/16106627

the things we invent when we are scared by nanasekei 18k https://archiveofourown.org/works/17946077

Resistance by thegraytigress The worldbuilding and OCs are amazing in this, but mind the tags - loooots of torture and hurt/comfort. 426k (no that’s not a typo lol) https://archiveofourown.org/works/7469145/chapters/16973895

Symmetry Breaking by scaramouche (@no-gorms) I probably have this down with EG fics too, but it mostly belongs up here. Takes place in the branched 2012 timeline where Loki took the Tesseract. I want a million fics in this universe! 10k https://archiveofourown.org/works/18627655

The Butterfly Effect by @itsallavengers Same as above, 2012 branched timeline. YES MORE PLEASE! 20k https://archiveofourown.org/works/18617755

To Have My Time Again... by @wilmakins A post-CW rewrite of Infinity War, including accidentally dragging Howard forward in time, and addressing Steve choosing between the past and the future in a much more in-character way than EG did <cough>. 166k https://archiveofourown.org/works/16654939

Name Recognition by OscarTheSlouch Steve wants to take Tony’s last name. Tony has a bunch of hangups about it. Featuring sad baby Tony flashbacks! 14k https://archiveofourown.org/works/11690337

Even the Light is an Illusion by Mizzy This is technically MCU, but was written very early so borrows a lot of characters and canon from 616. Tony has to fake his death for reasons, angst ensues. 102k https://archiveofourown.org/works/507292

Though Your Face Is Lovely by @chibisquirt Noir!Tony ends up in MCU!verse. Cue jumping into bed with Steve and MCU!Tony extreme jealousy! MCU SteveTony is endgame. 14k https://archiveofourown.org/works/10930653

He Knows More Than You Do by ChibiSquirt Pretty much 35k of cracky porn with feelings. A lot of medical kink stuff, pay attention to tags. 35k https://archiveofourown.org/works/11683599

If the Words Are True by @msermesth Someone leaks old love letters from Steve to another man to the press. Tony helps deal with the aftermath. 10k https://archiveofourown.org/works/11249832

For the Wheel's Still in Spin by Arukou A retelling of early canon, Steve’s months after getting thawed and the Battle of NY, and how the Avengers slowly became a team. 57k https://archiveofourown.org/works/2680208

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In a Different Light by marinarusalka 20k https://archiveofourown.org/works/542966

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~All the Love You Hold and Hide by Mireille Fuck-or-Die trope with feeeeeelings! 17k https://archiveofourown.org/works/14402436

[commentaryvorg]

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 4.5

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time in chapter 4, Maki opened up about her past, she and Shuichi and Kaito were ADORABLE FRIENDS, Kaito was a huge hypocrite on the topic of burdens, twice, Kokichi helpfully suggested some improvements to Monokuma’s script like an absolute moron, and Kaito’s bonus training for his sidekicks was totally not him desperately trying to prove that they still need him or anything.

Now for the last of chapter 4’s free time!

Shuichi:  (What can *I* do? The only thing I’m good at is solving mysteries, but I can’t figure out this academy.)

That’s not the only thing you’re good at, Shuichi! Your detective’s brain also makes you pretty good at coming up with plans. That plan with the cameras in chapter 1 was really not a bad plan if you ignore the fact that the entire premise of it (that the mastermind wouldn’t have a way of knowing about it) was flawed. But of course Shuichi wouldn’t think that or want to attempt something like that again since it indirectly got Kaede killed.

Keebo:  “What can we each do to make sure that we all survive…? We all possess Ultimate talents. There *must* be something we can do.”

YES IT’S ALMOST LIKE THE ULTIMATE ROBOT COULD GET US OUT OF HERE OR SOMETHING.

Geez. I was mostly not being too mad at Keebo because I figured he was largely oblivious to the difference his weapons could have made anyway, but this makes it a whole lot less excusable. (And again, there is no indication given that he’s not doing so because of his inner voice, which is the only truly justifiable reason that would make sense within the story.)

So that’s even more reason for me to not hang out with Keebo here like I wasn’t going to anyway, because that should by all rights lead to Shuichi persuading him to use his weapons and get everyone out of here today. And that’s obviously not in line with canon.

Gonta:  “Hi, Shuichi! How can Gonta help you today?”

Heh, this mostly just sounds like a polite, gentlemanly greeting, but in this chapter’s context, it definitely has undertones of “please tell Gonta he can help you today, Gonta really wants to be able to help you today”. Sorry, Gonta, I’d love to, but we’re already best friends; Shuichi needs to spread his friendship around others too.

Miu is in the computer room as she was all day yesterday as well, but interestingly, right now Kokichi’s hanging around in the corridor not too far from it too. He does apparently help her set things up for their Virtual World trip, so maybe that’s what he’s doing right now.

Despite Kaito not showing up anywhere on the Monopad’s map due to what is presumably a programming oversight (even characters who aren’t available should have their locations shown, with the understandable exception of Kokichi in chapter 5), he does exist during this free time slot and is perfectly available to hang out. The wiki says he is unavailable right now; the wiki is wrong. He’s in the warehouse. You’re welcome.

(The first time I played through this game myself, during which one of my missions was to find every piece of optional dialogue I might not have seen from Youtube playthroughs, I was determined not to give up on finding Kaito here and resolved to manually check EVERY SINGLE ROOM IN THE SCHOOL IF I HAD TO. Thankfully I started from the bottom up and the warehouse is on the first floor.)

Kaito’s reason for being in the warehouse probably has something to do with the fact that it apparently contains medicine. Like, you know, painkillers and stuff.

Kaito:  “I can see my training is already having results for you and Maki Roll.”

It is, and Kaito has every right to be proud of himself for that!

But it’s also interesting that while a lot of the characters are focusing on thinking about what they can do, since that’s what they discussed at breakfast, Kaito is instead focusing on what he already has done. Almost as if thinking about what he can do in future is painful and discouraging because there’s almost nothing he can do (short of suggesting even more bonus training for his sidekicks, which still isn’t going to help them escape), and so he doesn’t want to dwell on that.

Kaito:  “But don’t slow down here! It’s important to keep up your training every day.”

It is! Shuichi and Maki (with the addition of Himiko) are absolutely going to keep up their training every day when they get out of here.

(Also, remember back in chapter 2 when I mentioned that I’d started doing exercise myself thanks to Kaito? I’ve been doing that every single day for a little bit over a year now, and it’ll be several months more than that by the time this part I’m writing actually gets posted. Kaito is the best.)

Anyway, we’ve been on a roll with Maki lately in the rest of the story (pun totally intended), so let’s continue that by hanging out with her, shall we?

She happens to be in the dining hall, which is just across the corridor from the warehouse and therefore tantalisingly close to where Kaito is. They could all hang out as a trio again! Kaito would also want to hear more of Maki’s heartbreaking backstory! No? No. Silly game mechanics.

Maki:  “Something only I can do… I can think of just one thing. …I know what you’re about to say. But… that’s the reality.”

Oh, Maki. That’s not the only thing you can do!

Maki:  “Of course, I’ll think about… other things I can do.”

Exactly! You can fight and protect us!

Shuichi:  “I didn’t know that assassins were scouted.”

As the event proper begins, Shuichi just straight-up continues the conversation they were having last night. This is why I had to save Maki’s third FTE until now at the earliest – because having this before that scene just does not make sense.

Maki:  “It’s better if you didn’t know. Also, there’s no need for you to know.”

I dunno, Maki, if more people knew that there were child-slave assassins out there then maybe some people would be able to do something about it and this horrendous practice might stop. She just can’t see it that way, because she’s had to accept this as her reality in order to cope.

Maki:  “The orphanage I was raised at was run for that reason.”

Shuichi:  “…What do you mean?”

Maki:  “To raise potential candidates for assassins.”

Yup, that’s the truth of her orphanage. That’s not remotely fucked up at all.

Shuichi:  (How much is Maki carrying on her shoulders…? Such small shoulders…)

Heh. You sound like Kaito, Shuichi.

Maki:  “The basic training forces your body to go beyond its human limitations. They physically beat us to help us withstand torture, and taught us how to die when needed…”

Happy fun Free Time with upbeat music as our friend casually tells us about how she was tortured.

(It really is a shame Kaito couldn’t be here to hear this too. He would 1000% want to help her carry this awful burden just like Shuichi is doing, even though all they can do is listen.)

Maki:  “The only option left when you fail a mission is to die, right? Dying sooner is the nicer way out. It’s much better than being tortured alive.”

…I mean, she failed that one mission with the katana and didn’t have to die for it. I guess what she’s really talking about is if she were to get captured by an enemy of the assassin cult that would use her for information.

At least this means that when they’re all considering group suicide in chapter 5, Maki would know how to also kill herself painlessly at the end of it. You know. Reassuring thoughts.

Shuichi:  (I can’t bear to think of what Maki had to go through…)

I know, Shuichi. It may have never really happened to her, but she’s still having to live now with the memory of it, believing that it really happened to her, and that’s not fucking fair at all.

Maki:  “They tried to drag my dignity and tear it… To make me feel empty…”

They were trying to turn her into an empty, cold-blooded killer without a heart. And they didn’t succeed.

Maki:  “I wouldn’t have accepted the job in the first place if I knew I couldn’t do it… But most importantly… If I broke, then *that girl* would replace me…”

We’ll hear more about this next time, but she’s talking about her best friend from the orphanage. She put herself through what she knew would be literal torture and refused to break under it because if she did, then her best friend would go through that instead. God, Maki is amazing.

(Again, technically none of that really happened to her, but thanks to those fake memories, the person standing here is someone who really would do that kind of thing.)

Shuichi:  “That girl?”

Maki:  “… Sorry… Pretend you didn’t hear any of that just now.”

But it seems like, at least for right now, she’s not quite ready to open up that much. She’ll get there, though.

Kokichi:  “I bumped into Kaito, and he ended up giving me a lecture. He told me to think of a way to escape…”

Kaito has still been trying to get through to Kokichi! He still hasn’t given up on Kokichi and believes there’s some semblance of a decent person inside him who actually wants them all to escape! Kaito is so good.

(It also seems that, despite his earlier declarations, Kaito realised that punching him again might give off the wrong impression and decided to just stick to words this time.)

Kokichi:  “But the only idea I can think of is becoming the blackened myself.”

And… Kaito’s not wrong about Kokichi, but he is underestimating how massively, completely inconceivable it is to Kokichi to actually acknowledge that buried part of himself and start being co-operative. What’s about to happen tonight isn’t going to be for lack of Kaito trying to stop it, but even Kaito isn’t enough here.

Kokichi:  “That’d entertain everyone.”

Which is exactly what Monokuma wants, you are playing right into his hands and you should know this, you goddamn idiot.

Gonta:  “Nrgh… Gonta tired… Gonta think too much…”

Awww, Gonta. He’s been trying so hard.

Gonta:  “Rest is important, too… Gonta have to make sure he not useless when everyone need him!”

“When”. He’s still managing to stay so optimistic that that time will come. (Which it will. Sooner and far more tragically than you think, Gonta. Gaaaaah.)

Anyway, this time, in the very last chance we have for it, we’re hanging out with Kaito. Come on, now – you didn’t really think for a second I was going to go through the story without maxing out his FTEs, did you?

Kaito:  “O-Oh, Shuichi… What’s the matter?”

Just like he did a day ago, Kaito doesn’t seem super-thrilled to suddenly encounter Shuichi wanting to talk to him.

Kaito:  “Yeah, I don’t mind talking, but… My stomach hurts a little. Can we talk somewhere I can rest?”

But this time, he’s actually being somewhat honest about what the problem is. That’s pretty remarkable. Sure, for Kaito to be admitting to Shuichi that his stomach hurts a little, it must really be hurting one hell of a lot, but still. Kaito being willing to show even just a tiny bit of vulnerability in front of his sidekick is such a big deal and warms my heart. It’s okay, Kaito. Shuichi isn’t going to be any less inspired by you just because you’re struggling with a lot of things yourself, you absolute wonderful moron.

Shuichi:  (I spent some time with Kaito… Didn’t he say his stomach hurt last night too? I hope he’s okay…)

I’m sure Kaito hates the fact that his tiny nugget of honesty is making Shuichi worry about him and doesn’t want him to do so at all… but Shuichi absolutely should be worried about his friend.

Kaito:  “Hey, you got a minute? I got something to talk about.”

Shuichi:  “Ah, okay…” (He seems upset…)

Shuichi’s already getting the sense that there’s something more forceful about Kaito than usual as we start the event proper, and boy is there a reason for that.

Shuichi:  (Did I do something to make him angry?)

This, however, is not that reason. But of course Shuichi is lacking enough in self-assurance that he would immediately think this is somehow his fault. Of course it wouldn’t ever occur to him that maybe Kaito has issues and problems of his own and that might be what’s at the root of this rather than Shuichi having done anything wrong. (And this won’t be the only time Shuichi misunderstands Kaito in literally exactly this way.)

Kaito:  “I’m just gonna say it! What are you moping around for!?”

Shuichi:  “What?”

Kaito:  “When my sidekick is moping, it really ticks me off!”

Shuichi:  (I’m… moping?)

Shuichi isn’t moping. He’s still not a shining paragon of confidence or anything, but he’s been able to be a lot stronger and more positive lately. His own reaction to Kaito’s accusation just now shows that even he didn’t really think there was anything he was being particularly negative about, even though Shuichi is usually his own biggest critic.

Kaito disapproves of moping because it’s just wallowing in your negative feelings without making an effort to make it better. But in this context, the effort to make it better that Shuichi is supposedly avoiding would be asking Kaito for help. Right now, “Why are you moping?” really translates to “Why aren’t you letting me help you?”

Kaito:  “I told you, man! Don’t hesitate to talk to me if something’s wrong. But you’re still keeping stuff from me! Am I not reliable enough!? Spit it out! If you bottle everything up, it can’t get fixed!”

What this whole thing really is is Kaito projecting weakness and worries onto Shuichi in another desperate attempt to show that Shuichi still needs his help. His “Am I not reliable enough!?” in particular shows what’s really going on. Kaito is terrified that he really isn’t reliable enough, not now that he’s dying and Shuichi solved the previous trial entirely without him and is seemingly strong enough that maybe he doesn’t really need Kaito’s support any more.

(It could also perhaps seem like Kaito is projecting his own behaviour of hiding his illness from his friends, but like last time, I don’t think the fact that he is incidentally being hypocritical here is the point. If the point was Kaito deflecting, that’d mean that acting like he wants to help Shuichi would just be an excuse to distract from his own problems. But of course Kaito wanting to help Shuichi could never be an excuse – Kaito always wants to help Shuichi, and that’s the real problem.)

Shuichi:  “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not looking for advice…”

Kaito:  “You’ve got some guts trying to lie to me.”

Shuichi:  “…”

He’s not lying! Shuichi wouldn’t lie to Kaito, not about his own weaknesses and struggles, nor about wanting Kaito’s advice for his problems. He may sometimes hesitate to talk about what’s bothering him until Kaito prods him a little, but he has never and would never outright lie about it once prodded if something really was wrong. And if that wasn’t proof enough, Shuichi’s staring at Kaito here with a sceptical face like he’s wondering why Kaito even thinks this.

Kaito should know perfectly well that Shuichi isn’t lying here. So it’s really quite delightfully messed up that he would rather tell himself Shuichi is lying to him than face the idea that Shuichi doesn’t need him.

(Even though the only way in which that’s really true is that Shuichi happens to not particularly need his help right now. That’s a completely different thing from not needing him at all… but Kaito doesn’t seem to realise that.)

A couple of times previously, Kaito did a similar thing of starting off a conversation with someone by trying to make it about him listening to their troubles and helping them – once with Kaede in an invitation dialogue, and once in his first FTE with Shuichi. Both those times, though, when they didn’t need to talk to him about anything, he accepted that and was happy to start talking about something else. But not this time.

Kaito:  “Fine then! Listen up…”

Shuichi:  (Kaito encouraged me, complimenting me about my talent.)

If Shuichi isn’t going to ask for Kaito’s help despite Kaito insisting that he totally should be doing so, Kaito’s going to help him anyway, aggressively complimenting him and telling him he’s awesome so that Shuichi can see how inspiring and encouraging and important Kaito still definitely is. (Really, Shuichi had no reason to have ever stopped thinking that about Kaito in the first place, but apparently Kaito doesn’t see it that way.)

You may have noticed from the way I’ve been talking about this event that I’ve been casually assuming despite the flexibility of FTEs that this is definitely taking place during chapter 4, and that all of this is a part of Kaito’s canonical arc that I’ve been talking about the rest of the time. And the thing is, this event really does have to take place in chapter 4, going by the keeping-FTEs-in-line-with-canon logic I’ve been using. Kaito’s fourth FTE mentioned Shuichi being his sidekick, putting that in chapter 3 at the earliest, and while there are two slots in which Kaito is available in chapter 3, the second of those has him already feeling too unwell for it to be believable that a proper FTE would have canonically happened then. So this fifth and final one has to happen, not necessarily this late, but definitely during this chapter.

But even if that weren’t the case, I’d still consider this event practically a canonical part of this chapter. While nothing in it explicitly mentions chapter 4-specific details, this is so clearly written for Kaito’s chapter 4 state of mind as he desperately tries to compensate for the fact that he’s dying by being as helpful as he can to his sidekicks. It fits in beautifully with the rest of the hints toward that we’ve had so far up to this point – in fact, this event is significantly less subtle about it than anything else has been, which is why I’m happy I saved it until the end like this.

Shuichi:  (I should tell him… Then he’d understand why. I told him all about the case that got me the title of Ultimate Detective. I told him everything… so that he would know how untalented I really am.)

However, it seems like all of Kaito’s aggressive compliments just made Shuichi feel like he doesn’t deserve them and actually start to feel bad about himself. Now, at least, he has something to talk about that Kaito might be able to help him with, even though he genuinely didn’t need to talk about this when this conversation began.

(I don’t think Kaito was deliberately intending to bring Shuichi’s issues out by complimenting him, though. That’s far too underhanded and manipulative for Kaito to do no matter what state of mind he’s in. Plus, I’m not sure he’s even that consciously aware of the reasons he’s been acting this way, which he’d have to be for this to be deliberate.)

Kaito:  “I see… So you were chosen after you solved a case.”

Shuichi:  “Yes, and the most important part… I just happened to find some evidence that was missed. I accidentally solved the puzzle. It was all coincidence, happenstance…”

As soon as Kaito says something that puts things in a vaguely positive-sounding light, Shuichi’s immediately jumping to insist that no, that’s not the point, he barely even deserved to solve that case. It’s hard to know how true it is that it was all just a coincidence, but I’m inclined to think it wasn’t. Even if it is just a matter of Shuichi noticing something everyone else missed, that’s still him having better observation skills than anyone else on that case, which is something that’s important for a detective to have. Shuichi’s just likely to not want to give himself enough credit what with how much the outcome of the case traumatised him.

Kaito:  “Geez… You worry about the most trivial stuff, man.”

Kaito, you’re the one who was fishing for Shuichi to be worrying about even the tiniest thing so that you’d have an excuse to help him.

Shuichi:  “You have no right to say that! You don’t know what I’ve been through!”

Kaito:  “Hah! Nice! It’s good to see you actually have some bite to you.”

Shuichi’s response is a dialogue option that I picked, but I like this one, because I enjoy Kaito being proud of him for being able to stand by his own feelings, not even caring that Shuichi doing so involved snapping at him.

(Mind you, Shuichi was also standing by his own feelings earlier when he was asserting that he didn’t need any advice from Kaito right now, and Kaito was much less on board with that, but, you know.)

Regardless, when Kaito said “trivial”, he was really talking about the culprit’s feelings.

Kaito:  “He killed someone and was trying to get away with it! He’s a bad guy!”

This is an instance of Kaito’s often fairly black-and-white way of thinking, but even so, him putting things this simplistically helps Shuichi move away from worrying about how the culprit felt. Even if the guy wanted revenge, that still doesn’t justify murder, so Shuichi was right to expose him for it. Kaede and Kirumi’s crimes so far during this killing game were much less black-and-white, such that Shuichi has a decent reason to feel at least a little bad about cornering them, but that one guy? Screw him, he’s nothing like them.

Kaito:  “If he’d gotten away with it, he’d be crushed by the weight of his guilt. But you got him before that happened! He should be thanking you!”

It’s also very appropriately Kaito of him to see Shuichi’s job of catching criminals as important because it forces the criminals to take responsibility instead of running away from their own actions and the pain they caused. I especially love that Kaito even sees this as a good thing for the culprit himself. This will be a very relevant idea during this upcoming case in particular, in terms of a certain someone Kaito has already been trying to get through to a lot.

Kaito:  “I’ll support you all the way! I know you did the right thing!”

This might still be Kaito overzealously trying to compensate for his own feelings of inferiority, but it’s adorable all the same. This is all Shuichi really needs from him at this point – not necessarily major advice on specific problems, but just knowing that Kaito’s there for him and on his side no matter what. You’re already doing enough, Kaito. Just keep being you.

Kaito:  “And not just with that guy! From now on, if anyone holds a grudge against you… I’ll kick their ass!”

This is not ironic foreshadowing to the extent that one might think, because Kaito is never going to hold a grudge against Shuichi, however much it might seem that way. Of course, Kaito would also definitely want to kick the ass of anyone who even seems to hold a grudge against Shuichi, even briefly, just because doing so would hurt him. So… that’s a thing.

Kaito:  “So you just gotta follow the path you believe in! You’re my sidekick. So don’t hold back, and rely on me whenever you need to!”

These are Kaito’s voiced lines for his final event, and they couldn’t be more appropriate. They’re adorably full of him believing in and supporting Shuichi, with just a dash of that delightful undertone of him desperately wanting Shuichi to still rely on him even if maybe Shuichi doesn’t need to quite as much any more.

Shuichi:  “Kaito… thank you.” (Alright, so he’s foolhardy. But he supports me and expects nothing in return… He does so much for me… I could never turn my back on that. I will never betray his support and trust. I will never break my bond with Kaito!)

While Shuichi is completely oblivious to what’s going on with Kaito and why he’s being so aggressively supportive right now, it’s still just absolutely heartmelting how grateful he is for everything Kaito does for him and trusts him so wholeheartedly in return. For all of Kaito’s issues that this event has been subtly full of, they’re still incredible, adorable friends, which comes across so strongly here. Most FTEs, when they end on emphasising how much the protagonist has become friends with the subject, are kind of dampened by the knowledge that this is just an optional side thing that isn’t really there in the canon storyline. But here, this just serves to highlight the canon adorable friendship between these two even more and I love it.

And if only Kaito could hear everything Shuichi is thinking here. He would never turn his back on you, Kaito! No matter what weaknesses you might have and no matter what mistakes you might make! You have so much less to be afraid of than you think.

Shuichi:  “…I understand, Kaito.”

…Shuichi doesn’t really understand. He only understands the fact that Kaito will always be there for him, and while that’s true (or at least, Kaito has no intention of ever making it untrue), that’s not remotely the full picture here.

Shuichi:  “I will always depend on you.”

This sounds adorable on the surface, but is potentially pretty messed up if you think about it too hard. Ideally, what Shuichi means is, “I will always depend on you when I need to”, which is the healthy way of looking at it – everyone needs to depend on other people sometimes, and it’s great that Kaito will always be there for him during those times.

But… that might not actually be what Shuichi means. I’ve mentioned multiple times that Shuichi is pretty overly dependent, hence him latching onto Kaede and Kaito so easily… so he might be okay with the idea of always needing to depend on on Kaito. Which he shouldn’t! Nobody should want to be constantly dependent on someone else their entire life, and it’s especially unhealthy if it’s on one single person, no matter how reliable and genuinely well-meaning that person may be. Shuichi should want to become someone who doesn’t need to depend on someone else most of the time, even if that someone else is Kaito.

Kaito:  “Yeah! Just leave it to me!”

Under normal circumstances, Kaito would probably be able to pick up on this and recognise that it’s unhealthy and assert that Shuichi should be striving to become more independent. After all, his former sidekicks he mentioned last FTE no longer need him any more, and he seemed perfectly happy with that.

But in the state of mind Kaito’s in by this chapter, he’s not about to do that. Kaito may be a little bit like this even at the best of times, but right now especially he has become incredibly co-dependent – meaning, he’s pathologically dependent on the idea that someone else depends on him. He needs to be needed. And that’s pretty messed up of him too. There is definitely a large part of Kaito that’s worried Shuichi already doesn’t really need him any more – but he’s not letting that part have a say and continuing to insist that of course Shuichi should be constantly depending on him.

Shuichi’s dependency and Kaito’s co-dependency make them a perfect match for each other in a wonderfully messed-up kind of way, and that dysfunctionality lurking beneath the surface is another of the many reasons I enjoy their friendship so much. If it weren’t for this, things wouldn’t be about to fall apart like they do, and this chapter and the beginning of the next wouldn’t be nearly as delightfully heartwrenching.

Shuichi:  (Kaito’s smile was as bright as starlight. I couldn’t help but smile back.)

Bright like he’s a luminary or something! Space imagery! FRIENDS.

Shuichi:  (…Everything is going to be okay. As long as we have this, we can move forward.)

Oh boy, it sure—

isn’t going to be even remotely okay barely twenty-four hours from now.

Shuichi:  (Sometimes I feel as though I’m dragging him down, but I know I’ll catch up one day.)

You’re not, though, Shuichi! This could not be more completely opposite of how Kaito sees things! Kaito feels like he’s the one dragging Shuichi down, which is precisely why we just had this whole event of him desperately trying to show that he isn’t and that Shuichi can still benefit from his support! But Kaito has apparently managed to successfully convince Shuichi that he’s completely invincible and doesn’t have any problems of his own, so Shuichi has no goddamn clue.

Shuichi:  (I bet he’d laugh and tell me I have a lot of nerve for a sidekick.)

He wouldn’t, though. The entire point of Kaito’s sidekicks is supposed to be that one day they’ll reach even greater heights than him – we went over that in his previous FTE. Kaito should laugh and then tell Shuichi how proud he is of him for coming this far. I guess Shuichi genuinely never did realise that most of the reason Kaito was telling him about his former sidekicks was to imply that the same thing applies to him.

Or, at least… Kaito should show pride in Shuichi if Shuichi ever overtook him. But that’s Kaito at the best of times, and those are not the times he’s in right now.

In the report card summary for this event, there’s also a very similar line to the one from before:

“Kaito, I know it seems as though you’re dragging me along, but I’ll be right there beside you.”

This is such a delightfully ironic line, and the writers clearly knew exactly how important it is since they essentially included it twice. Oh, Shuichi, if only you had any idea just how completely backwards you have it. If only Kaito would tell you what’s really going on in his head, and then you could support him in return and help him figure things out. But then, this is Kaito we’re talking about here.

All of Kaito’s previous FTEs featured him talking about himself, like FTEs are supposed to. And in general, the final event in particular is meant to involve the subject talking about their biggest issues now that they feel comfortable doing so because of their growing friendship with the protagonist, and maybe having the protagonist help them a little with that. But in Kaito’s final one, he doesn’t talk about himself at all. Because of course Kaito would never talk about his issues, especially not to Shuichi, who needs to see him as strong and invincible in order to be able to rely on him, or so Kaito is irrationally convinced. (And if he somehow miraculously did talk about his issues and Shuichi helped him with them, that’d probably mean that what’s about to happen in the main storyline shouldn’t happen the way it does any more, which we absolutely can’t have.)

Yet this final free time event of Kaito’s still manages to be thoroughly about his issues, not even despite the fact that he doesn’t talk about himself and makes it all about Shuichi’s issues instead, but precisely because of it. It is so appropriate for Kaito that things should be this way, and I love it.

---

[Next post]

[angst-fairygodmother]

On Her Father’s Wings (The Umbrella Academy S2 Fic)

CHAPTER 2: FATHERS

What if there was one more thing left in Five’s care at Hazel’s untimely passing? Something more precious than a briefcase, more useful than a tape, and infinitely more infuriating. A smart-mouthed girl determined to pick up where her father left off and help save the world, whether the Hargreeves like it or not.

Word Count: 5230 Rating: T for canon-typical violence, swearing

Warning: this chapter contains major spoilers for both S2:E2 (The Frankel Footage) and plot twists later in the season. Read at your own risk.

Cross-posted to AO3: here Previous Chapter: New Sidekick

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“So that went well…” Piper drawled, leaning back against her elbows on the edge of the bar.

Five startled, causing her to snicker.

“How did you get in here?” he asked, sounding less surprised or impressed than she’d hoped and not even bothering to look up from his drink.

“Fun fact, they’ll let anybody in when you’re dressed like a cigarette girl,” she said wryly. “So what are you going to do now? Besides mope into a whiskey?”

I don’t know,” he admitted with a sigh. “I’ve struck out with both siblings I’ve been able to find.”

“So far. But you all landed in the same place, and Elliot said they all went back to the alley looking for the rest of you, so odds are these two aren’t the only ones that stuck around Dallas. Just have to keep looking.”

“And what if I say no?”

“Then I’ll kick your scrawny ass and do it myself.”

He looked up at her finally, surprised by her determination, only to quickly look away again, blushing from her sequined and very revealing outfit.

“Do you want me to stick around, keep an eye on this brother and see if he leads us to the rest?” she asked, tilting her head to one side.

“No need. He said he thought we were all dead.”

“Cheerful. Could he be lying? I mean he wasn’t exactly thrilled to see you from where I was standing. Maybe he thinks he’s protecting them?”

“Protecting them? From me?”

She shrugged. “Anything’s possible. I mean you are a time-travelling assassin. And I don’t know what family Christmases are like at your house.”

Five sighed in exasperation. “Stay if you want. I’m going back to Elliot’s. He’s still, unfortunately, my best lead.”

He continued to sip his drink. She rolled her eyes, not liking the feeling of being dismissed. Still, she decided, she may as well spy on his brother and Jack Ruby while she had the opportunity.

Just as she was about to walk away, Five finished his drink, muttering about how their father should have left Luther on the moon as they both watched the larger man “escort out” a drunk. Then he stood, the pocket of his jacket catching on the back of the chair and tearing away to reveal a bulky yellow box. He took it out, staring at it, puzzled.

“Do you know what this is?” he asked her almost absently, voice sounding like his mind was far away.

“No idea,” she answered, eyes fixed on the label, on handwriting as familiar to her as her own. “It was in your pocket. Why would I know about it?”

“I think Hazel put it there. When he saw those goons get off the bus.”

“Well, it’s probably important then. You should go figure out what it is. I’m going to stick around here and see if I can’t find out a little more about your brother problem.”

Five frowned, glaring as she turned the tables, dismissing him for once, but she was already walking away, a cheerful smile plastered on her face as she held out her cigarette tray in question to one of the other club patrons.

Not long afterward, Piper watched as Luther exited through a back door, and followed, keeping far enough back that he wouldn’t notice, or at least she hoped not. He seemed to freeze, staring as he watched a mystery woman climbed into a car near the payphone out front. Piper couldn’t see his face, but she didn’t really need to to recognize the shock written across his entire body. The woman stared back for just a moment, confusion on her expression evident.

“Vanya,” she heard Luther whisper as the woman shut the car door and drove away.

Luther turned, watching her go, and Piper caught a glimpse of his distress before she ducked back inside to avoid getting caught tailing him. Back inside, she leaned against the wall, biting the nail of her thumb as she debated sticking around to see what other events unfolded for the night and reporting back to Five that she had at least some idea of where another sibling was.

Her decision was made for her though, when an unnervingly large arm pressed across her, pinning her to the wall by her shoulders.

“Who the hell are you?” Luther asked, face mere inches from hers and twisted into a scowl.

“Relax, there’s no need for violence here,” she said, trying to placate him.

“Why are you following me?”

“I’m not. I mean I was. Sort of. I mean it was more general surveillance than ‘following.’ Although it did…also involve following…”

“Shut up and answer my questions.”

“Um, which of those would you like me to do? Because I can’t simultaneously shut up and…speak, which I need to do to answer your questions.” She tilted her head questioningly to one side and put on her most charming smile.

He pressed his arm harder across her collarbones, shaking her, the pressure making it momentarily harder to breathe until she adjusted to it.

“Quit playing games. Who. Are. You?”

“My name is Piper Rofa. I’m with your brother, Five. A fact that he’s not super thrilled with because of his whole grouchy loner thing, but I’m not about to let that stop me. I stayed behind to keep an eye on you in case there was more you knew or something, even though he’s willing to write you off as a lost cause. Because I’m not about to let the world end based on the fact that your asshole family can’t get their shit together.”

His hold on her slackened, though the arm was still large enough that even slight pressure kept her in place. “I don’t know anything. Until Five showed up, I thought everyone was dead.”

“So that wasn’t your sister in the car?”

“It…was. But tonight was the first time I’d seen her since…”

“Since she blew up the moon and tried to kill you all? Or was that the other sister?”

“No…that was Vanya. How do you know so much about us?”

“It’s a long story. One I’ll happily tell to all of you once you’re rounded up in the same room but I really don’t want to have to keep going over.”

“I’m done with that life.” By now he had released her completely, but she remained rooted in that spot anyway.

“But they’re still your family. Don’t you want to see them?”

“Are they?” his voice was soft, pained. “All I’ve ever done is push them away and hurt them. It’s better for everyone if I just…don’t go back.”

“Bullshit. Family’s hard, but also family’s family. Whatever you’ve fucked up, they still love you. Or at least, the one I’ve met does. You should have seen his face…”

He stared at her, mouth open in shock, face twisted in uncertainty. “How…how many of them are together right now?”

“None. But we can make it at least three, possibly four if you give me that address, and you come with me back to our makeshift base of operations. We still haven’t found Allison or Klaus?” she hesitated, unsure she had the names right. “And the other brother is locked up in an asylum which Five for some reason decided not to spring him from, but that’s…fixable.”

“I’m not going to give you this address. I don’t even know if Vanya actually lives there, but if she does…I don’t know you, no matter what you claim. And I need to talk to her first. Alone.”

Piper rolled her eyes. “Fine, suit yourself. Just, when you’re done, both of you should come to Morty’s Television and Radio.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“I guess that’s all I can ask,” she shrugged. “Now unless you’re planning any other secret sibling reunions or interesting events, I should probably be off.”

She gave him a wink and wave as she sauntered away.

~

“I can’t tail a car on foot!” she shouted in frustration as Five raged. “And what else was I supposed to do? Fight your brother for the wallet? He could snap me in half like a toothpick!”

“You incompetent…useless…” his face was rapidly reddening. “What is the point of you if you can’t even do a simple task?”

“Hey!” she glared, folding her arms over her chest. “At least we can confirm that she’s still in Dallas. And that she’s either a very good actress or didn’t recognize your brother. Neither of which we’d have without me sticking around, which you called a waste of time. Besides, Luther all but said he was going after her, so we can tail him there.”

“Don’t bother. Let’s just focus on this tape from your father and hope it’s more helpful than you are.”

She bit back the first retort that came to mind, sticking her tongue out petulantly. “Do you have the magic power of film development now too?”

His jaw flexed as he gritted his teeth angrily. “No. I don’t have the power to develop the film. But I’m sure I will find someone who can.”

“Some stranger? When there could be signs, clues, or references to the apocalypse? Great plan. Definitely won’t lead to panic or getting arrested as a terrorist or anything. Especially if you drag them out of bed to do it.”

He sighed angrily. “What would you suggest then?”

“Wait until morning, see where these came from,” she gestured to the photos around the loft. “Until then, do some more research through all this junk to see if we can find where the last two siblings are?”

She watched him struggle with himself, not wanting to admit that she was right.

“Now pass me that box,” she gestured to a large cardboard box overflowing with sheets of paper and newspaper clippings, clearly things that Elliot thought were important but hadn’t gotten around to sorting into his desk or “conspiracy wall.”

~

Hours later, Elliot shuffled out of his bedroom, setting up a pot of coffee before noticing that the two time-travelers were there, each wrapped in their own heads and oblivious to the world.

“Do…do you like eggs?” he asked them, stammering out an offer for breakfast, cutting through their thoughts. “Or cereal?”

Piper looked up, smiling politely as she accepted and Five waved him off, muttering about “just needing coffee.”

As the girl and Elliot ate, Five looked around again, eyes falling to focus on some of the strange images on the walls.

“Elliot, did you develop these photos yourself?” he asked, leaning in to look closer at one of them.

“Of course. Can’t exactly drop that stuff off at the neighborhood Fotomat,” Elliot stood, walking across the partition with his bowl of cereal. “Government has eyes everywhere.”

Piper rolled her eyes, half listening as they discussed the lack of darkroom and Five asked him to develop the footage her father had slipped him.

As Elliot began listing supplies and excuses for why they were difficult to get, she rose, moving to lean in the doorway, arms folded.

“Elliot,” Five said, face taught with frustration.

“It’s like five, maybe six hours.”

“Would it go any faster with a sweet ride?” she asked, spinning her keychain, complete with neon orange rabbit’s foot, around on her finger.

Elliot’s eyes lit up at the prospect and Five became distracted by the call over the radio.

“The hell is a code 3-15?”

“Fugitives on the run,” Piper and Elliot said at the same time, glancing at each other in surprise before focusing back in on the rest of the call.

“Oh, Diego,” Five sighed, pressing his lips together and turning his eyes toward the ceiling as if to ask God ‘why?’

“Who’s Diego?” Elliot asked and Piper gave him a puzzled look.

Hadn’t they talked about it the day before, when he’d shown Five the mugshot? Or was the at least 30 hour day starting to mess with her memory? She shook it off, surreptitiously pinching the flesh of her own upper arm, the quick, sharp pain waking her up some.

“Imagine Batman, then aim lower,” Five explained before turning away from the radio.

She snorted at the description, which just about matched up to what her father had told her.

“You get started on that film,” he told Elliot. “We’ll be back as soon as we can.”

“Actually, it’s probably faster for you to go alone,” she pointed out with a shrug. “I mean you can just pop to him and sort things out without…awkward introductions or sidetracking. Plus, I can get the supplies, help Elliot here; we’ll know what’s on that tape a lot sooner.”

Five hesitated. She flashed him a reassuring smile.

“I promise,” she said. “We’ll play nice. I mean, I can only hope the feeling’s mutual but I like Elliot, and this is something actually useful I can do. Now go teleport after your crazy-escapee brother.” She waved her hands in a shooing motion and Five rolled his eyes, heading for the door.

“Alright, Elliot,” she said, turning back to the man and planting her hands on her hips in an exaggerated, almost-superhero pose. “Hope you’ve got a shopping list and some cash because I have neither. But I’ll drive.”

~

Several hours later, she sighed, brushing hair out of her face as she bent to the task Elliot had given her, focused intently as they neared the finish line. Suddenly, something heavy clumsily smashed into the side of her head and she staggered away from it, dropping her tools and turning, shifting instinctively into a defensive stance to face her attacker.

“Elliot?! What the hell are you doing?” she shouted, watching the nervous little man drop the lamp he had swung moments earlier.

“I saw the footage!” he shouted. “I know what you are!”

Her head throbbed from the blow.

“What are you talking about?” she asked, frowning. “What exactly did you see?”

“I saw enough! And I won’t let you get away with it!”

She sighed, uncoiling her fists and trying to be as nonthreatening as possible. Holding up her hands, palms flat and facing him, she locked eyes with Elliot.

“Calm down Elliot, please,” she said, voice trembling almost imperceptibly. “I don’t know what you think is going on, but I promise there’s an explanation.”

“I’m not going to let you warp my mind!” he shouted. “You’re some sort of demon or alien or…or Russian spy!”

“What?”

Rather than responding, Elliot charged at her and swung a wild haymaker, so unexpected (and surprisingly quick) that it caught her off-guard. Striking on the same side he had already hit her, it drove her to her knees, vision swimming. The last thing she noticed as the world fell away were hands on her wrists and her only thought was that she had failed.

~

When Piper woke up next, she was somewhere completely dark. She could feel that her wrists and ankles had been bound together, trapping her in a hunched over position. Luckily, her captor (Elliot she suspected) made the mistake of putting the ropes in front of her, and probably didn’t know about her training in escape artistry. Gritting her jaw against the waves of pain and nausea that her movements triggered, she set to work, among other things discovering that she was in the darkroom closet.

Outside, she could hear shouting, and then, worryingly, the blast of a gunshot. Elliot wouldn’t actually shoot Five…she hoped. Though she also didn’t expect him to knock her out cold and tie her up, so maybe she didn’t know the nutter as well as she thought. And even if he wouldn’t really shoot Five, she couldn’t say the same in reverse if Elliot threatened him.

Finally, she felt the ropes go slack and stood.

“Where is she Elliot?” she heard Five ask through gritted teeth.

Her hand stilled momentarily on the doorknob, curious to hear where this would go.

“The one you left here to kill me when I found out the truth?” she heard Elliot snap. “I took care of her. Bet you weren’t expecting that.”

She rolled her eyes. So dramatic.

“I swear, if you hurt her…”

“Who are you talking about Five?” she heard another voice ask. “Is Allison here? …or Vanya?”

So that must be Diego then. Before things could go any further, she decided to make her grand entrance.

“Christ,” she said loudly as strode casually out of the converted closet, shaking the remaining ropes off her wrist. “That was uncalled for.”

Elliot stared. Diego and the mysterious woman with him stared. Five pointedly avoided looking at her, but she thought she might have caught a flash of relief cross his face.

“Seriously,” she smiled at Elliot who she now noticed was pinned down by the one she assumed was Diego. “That was an impressive punch from such a wimpy-looking guy,” her face fell into disappointment and she held out the rope, “but it was super unnecessary.”

“He managed to take you out with one punch?” Five asked, tone somewhere between mockery and incredulity.

“I mean, there was the element of surprise. And I think a lamp?”

“I had to do it! You people are dangerous! I know!” Elliot shouted, trying and failing to struggle as the strange woman tied his legs together.

Piper rolled her eyes. “You don’t know shit, Conspiracy Brain. Which would have been obvious if you let me explain instead of giving me a migraine. Now you had better have aspirin somewhere or I am going to be very annoyed.”

“Who the hell is this girl Five?” his brother asked.

“I like her,” the woman chimed in, earning her a glare from both Hargreeves and a smirk from Piper.

“My name is Piper Rofa, it’s really nice to meet you,” she called as she rooted through the bathroom medicine cabinet. “Do you want to explain the rest, Old Timer, or shall I?”

“Rofa…why does that name sound familiar?” Diego muttered.

Piper caught sight of Lila’s eyes, narrowed and studying her shrewdly. Something about her calculating look put the younger girl’s nerves on edge and she looked back with the same faux-casual inspection.

“Let’s just watch the film, see what’s got Elliot all worked up, and we can do introductions later,” Five said, brushing aside Diego’s curiosity.

They tied Elliot more securely, to one of the dental chairs he had inexplicably laying around. Lila dug out an old bottle of sickly green nail polish and began doing her fingernails and the captive man’s toes. Piper couldn’t help but chuckle from where she sat with her boots resting up on the corner of the kitchen table; the other woman was really doing a bang-up job of playing the loon.

They all sat in silence as the tape began. And then, realizing what it was, Diego leaned forward with a new intensity of focus.

‘He really is obsessed with JFK,’ she found herself thinking. ‘Professional interest or crush?’

“How do you have this?” Diego asked his brother.

“Hazel died to get me this footage,” Five explained, eyes flickering to his brother, and then to Piper who tried to hide her distress behind a blank mask, before turning back to the projector screen. “It must be the key to stopping doomsday.”

“It had better be,” Piper muttered.

“Hazel?” Diego said with an accusatory frown.

Piper stiffened, swinging her legs down to the floor. She did not want to deal with a confrontation right now when her headache was finally going away, but she wasn’t going to stand for anyone disparaging her father’s memory either.

“Long story,” Five said dismissively, still focused ahead of him.

“What’s doomsday?” Lila asked, looking pathetically up at Five from her seat.

“Longer story.”

“What exactly did he say to you?” Piper’s eyes flickered to Five’s face, equally curious for his answer as his brother was.

“Well he was killed before he could explain. But whatever he wanted us to see, it’s on this film.”

Her teeth found the middle knuckle of her thumb, biting down on it gently while she wracked her brain for something her father might have told her that could help, feeling useless. How could she claim to have known him, to be his protégé or fill his shoes if she didn’t even know what he died for?

Four sets of eyes flickered determinedly over the screen as chaos unfolded, only Lila looking away, confusion and fear on her face as she instead watched the watchers. Suddenly, Five muttered something under his breath and moved to rewind the tape, shifting the projector around to change the focus. Whatever he saw, Diego noticed the second time around, hesitantly unfolding himself from the countertop, mouth hanging open as he approached the screen in shock to get a better look. Elliot meanwhile, was thrashing about and struggling in his chair as if he still thought he could get away. It was distracting, and for a brief moment, Piper considered the lamp and returning the favor just to get him to calm down.

“This can’t be,” Five said, his focus fixed.

“Okay are you going to fill me in now?” Lila snapped. “What the hell is this shit we’re watching?”

“No that’s impossible,” Diego’s statement might have been a denial but his face seemed to say that whatever the realization the two Hargreeves had come to, it was as plain as the hair on their heads now.

“Clearly it’s not.” At least Five had the decency to sound awed at the new information.

Information Piper still didn’t understand.

“What…what is it?” Elliot asked from around the makeshift gag in his mouth.

The two remained transfixed on the grainy image in the center of the room.

“I gotta say I’m with Lila and Elliot on this one. You two might recognize the mystery blur, but the rest of the team’s,” she gestured around, “in the dark.”

“Dad…” they both said softly.

“Oh shit.”

To call what followed a discussion would have been giving far too much credit to the participants, and vastly underplaying the childishness of their sniping at each other.

“No, you’re jumping to conclusions,” Five said, pacing back and forth.

“What the hell else is he doing standing on the grassy knoll, holding an open black umbrella, on a sunny day, in Dallas, the exact same moment the president gets shot?” Diego shouted, gesticulating wildly at the screen.

“It doesn’t look good, I admit,” Five snapped back.

“I mean your father clearly had a thing for umbrellas, given the academy, tattoos, etc. so that could be nothing,” Piper drawled, inspecting her nails as the brothers went around and around in circles, physically and metaphorically. “Or it’s for shade, and maybe he’s there to watch or meet the president, like everyone else in Dallas? He’s not a supervillain, right?”

“You think it’s a coincidence? No. He’s the signalman for the whole goddamn thing.” Diego turned to face her, eyes ablaze. “And what would you know anyway? Who the hell are you?”

“I told you. Piper Rofa. I’m…a friend.”

“Bullshit.” From seemingly nowhere, he had drawn a knife, pointing it at her threateningly. “I saw your face while we were watching the footage. You know something.”

“I wish I did! I wish I could answer your questions or villain monologue or whatever it is you’re looking for. But I don’t know jack, except that the world is ending. It might be connected to Kennedy, it might not.” She shrugged, slapping her hands back down to her sides. “My father is dead, and he told me that The Umbrella Academy were the best chance at saving the world. So get your stupid knife out of my face, and figure it the hell out.”

“Who…?” Diego looked momentarily taken aback. “Who’s your father? How does he know about us?”

“Piper, don’t,” Five cautioned. “Now is not a good time to be bringing that up.”

She sighed, turning away from both of them and folding her arms around herself. “Hazel,” she admitted softly, almost apologetically.

She thought she heard Lila gasp and frowned at that, but there wasn’t time to address it as Diego seized her shoulder and slammed her into the nearby doorframe.

“Your father killed my…friend,” he hissed through clenched teeth, knife pressed to her throat and face in hers.

She rolled her eyes, undaunted. “Oh cry me river. Good people die all the time. Besides, that’s in the past…or the future? And I’m not him. Nor will killing me do anything, other than make a mess of this lovely apartment and delay what’s important. So can we focus back on your dad, who you apparently think is just as bad or worse than mine?”

He growled, pressing the blade harder into her neck, enough that she felt a thin trickle of blood, clearly not taking kindly to her opinion on the matter.

“Easy Diego,” Five interrupted, placing a hand on his brother’s arm and drawing him away.

Piper rubbed at her neck and shoulder where the majority of Diego’s weight had been, adding them to her growing catalogue of bruises to expect.

“Seriously,” Five sighed in exasperation.

“No, it makes sense,” Diego insisted, shifting instantly back to the topic of Reginald Hargreeves and JFK as if there had been no interruption at all. “This is what Hazel was obviously trying to tell you.”

His eyes flickered over to Piper and she shrugged. Lila stood up, offering to help her with the wound and hesitantly she accepted, both women leaving the brothers to argue.

“We have to stop dad from killing the president,” Diego declared dramatically.

Piper rolled her eyes and caught Lila doing the same. She frowned. There was something about this woman…something that set her teeth on edge but felt very familiar.

“Do I know you?” she asked.

“No. I don’t think we’ve met,” Lila answered with a smile that seemed to waver uncertainly. “But I can tell we’re gonna be good friends.”

Piper bit her lip, wanting to say more when Five’s voice cut through again.

“Dad’s clearly in Dallas, right? Let’s just go talk to him. Maybe he can help us fix the timeline.”

“That sounds like a terrible idea,” Piper muttered, brushing aside the rest of Lila’s first aid to return to the main room in case she had to referee between them.

“Dallas is a big place,” Diego pointed out. “We need to find him first.”

“Gee, if only we had some magical, old-timey way of finding people and their addresses.”

Piper tossed the October 1963 phone book at Five, “Or should I pull another fast one on the 911 operator?”

He dropped in on the table. “Let’s start simple, his name.”

Before he could, Diego had already opened the book and bent over it, scanning for ‘Hargreeves’ with increasing frustration. When they didn’t find it, Five suggested looking for his company instead.

“D.S. Umbrella Manufacturing Co.”

“Yeah, I know the name,” Diego shot his brother a look.

“Seriously, more umbrellas? I think it’s time to consider it was a fetish,” Piper joked, drawing a laugh from Lila and a disgusted shudder from Diego.

When they found what they were looking for, the two almost immediately turned to go, rolling up the screen and heading for the front stairs down into the showroom.

“He okay to leave here like that?” Diego asked quietly.

“Yeah, he’s fine. What about the girl?” Five answered.

Both men looked behind them to find Elliot, still tied and gagged, and Piper flipping aimlessly through a magazine, once again leaning back in a chair and resting her feet on the table, making it all to obvious  that she was eavesdropping. There was no sign of Lila.

“Shit,” Diego muttered, turning back.

Five sighed. Piper pointed over her shoulder to the darkroom closet Lila had scurried off to as soon as their backs were turned. He sat down across from her while Diego went to check on the other girl.

“Are you coming with us?” he asked, eyebrow raised.

“No. I think I’m going to stay here. We still need to find the rest of your family as fast as possible, and I have a few ideas. Plus something’s not quite sitting right with me that I want to follow up on. And I don’t think your brother likes me much.”

Five chuckled. “Diego doesn’t like many people.”

“He likes Lila a hell of a lot. You sure that’s not going to be a problem?”

“No, I’m not. But it’s one we can deal with later.”

She sighed, fidgeting with her hands on the table. “You wanna take my car?”

His expression softened, understanding the gesture of trust it was meant to be.

“No, I don’t want to draw attention.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“It’s a very flashy car, Piper.” The tone of his voice sounded almost like a scolding father, or like her mother’s not-quite-disapproval when she’d cut the picture out of a magazine and pinned it to her corkboard at fifteen. It made her smile sadly, rubbing at the sting of loss she hadn’t let herself feel completely yet.

Diego emerged from the cupboard, Lila following behind a few moments later.

“You three play nice now,” Five said, faux-sternly. Diego turned to him, surprised, but his face was blank, showing no sign that he might have just made a joke. “We’ll be back soon.”

~

Piper waited until Five and Diego had been gone for some time, and until Lila had finished painting Elliot’s nails, in case things went south – it would be rude to leave him with only two thirds of a mani-pedi after all.

“We need to talk,” she said sternly, setting aside the article she had been reading and sitting up to face the other woman, arms folded across her chest.

“About what?” Lila’s tone was the epitome of innocence and Piper found herself impressed. She was one hell of an actress.

“You’re Commission right?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lila frowned in confusion.

Piper scoffed. “Oh please. My father was a Field Agent til he met Mom and settled down. But you knew that.” She cocked her head to one side in question, inviting Lila to deny it again. “He taught me how to spot another agent, in case they ever decided to use us to force him into un-retirement or something.”

Lila tensed, body movements subtle but still there, noticeable to a trained eye like Piper’s as she got ready to attack.

“You can relax,” Piper sighed, waving a hand in the air dismissively. “You don’t get in my way, I won’t get in yours. Or rat you out.”

“And what if our missions are incompatible?” Lila’s eyebrow quirked, finally dropping her ‘scared little crazy girl’ act completely.

“Still no reason to bring extra parties in. If it comes to that, we settle things the old fashion way, and may the best woman win.”

The two women locked eyes, sizing each other up, baiting each other. The air practically crackled with electricity. Elliot, still bound and gagged and distinctly uncomfortable, tried to mumble something as his eyes flicked frantically from one to the other. Surprisingly, Lila broke the stare first.

“Yeah sure, I’ll agree to that, at least for now.”

“Excellent,” Piper smiled wryly. “Like you said, I can tell we’re gonna be good friends.”