#fun with mental illness

[madmaryholiday]

so goddamn frustrated with myself because for multiple weeks, i've been putting off cleaning my CPAP gear.

(yes i know you're supposed to clean most of it weekly. like i said i've been putting it off despite my clear desire to adhere to the mandated cleaning schedule.)

i kept trying to hype myself up to go through the whole process, but it just. never happened. and last night, i planned out exactly what i was gonna do and when, and then i got sidetracked by something my parents wanted me to do.

and i thought maybe i could trick myself into doing the thing because i got some fun beads for kandi earlier in the week, and i want to make stuff with it. and my CPAP machine is sitting on top of the container where i keep all my kandi supplies, so having to move it anyway to clean it would remind me to actually open the container and dig out my supplies.

except it's 1pm and i still haven't cleaned my goddamn CPAP gear, and now i really want to make kandi, but i can't do that unless i move the CPAP machine, and if i'm gonna move the machine anyway, i might as well take it apart to clean everything, but that's SO MANY STEPS and SO MUCH STANDING

so instead of doing anything i'm just sitting here in my room, mad at myself for not being able to do basic maintenance on my CPAP. and afraid to ask my parents for help because they'll either not understand at all and just berate me for not cleaning it enough, or they'll go "oh and you could do this and this and this" and berate me for not doing more around the house.

and the longer i wait the less chance i have of actually cleaning the stuff today, because it has to dry for awhile before i can re-assemble everything.

i'm so fucking tired, guys.

[rawk-chikk]

Time makes no sense and I don't feel real.

It's one of those days today.

[poetry-protest-pornography]

Well, that sure was a fun "I'm useless and everything is pointless and I don't deserve nice things because I'm too disabled to work" spiral. 0/10. Do not recommend.

[justmeinadaze]

This may not be funny to you but it is to me lol I think its amusing after being diagnosed with my mental illnesses depending on how the day goes is how I'll react to certain things.

For example, I'm watching Titanic. I've seen it a thousand times (I'm a millennial lol) but because my anxiety is a bit high, I jumped when the wires snapped on the pillar.

My dad always said it was because I was getting older. Lol. Like "Naw I'm just fragile and damaged." Lol.

[jattendschaton]

Ladybug and Chat Noir hosting a podcast where they're going to interview Adrien Agreste and so Adrien has to enlist Félix to pretend to be him and Félix gets to just. Make fun of Adrien to his face and to a national audience. Chat Noir keeps arguing with Félix’s Adrien about his own opinions so the next day all the news is about how much everyone thinks Chat Noir hates Adrien Agreste

[inkskinned]

hey btw if you're in the USA at  2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

[splitpierrot]

saw a take on bedman so bad i had to make this

(*yeah i know we dont know his age but imo hes prolly not much older than delilah)

[tomscryingcorner]

If you hate me I think you should kill me / If you can't kill me, then what are you worth?

[inniave]

keep seeing shit about the new ts album & mental illness and i am so so tired. please be nice to actually "crazy" people if ur gonna use us for the aesthetic. i'm not schizophrenic cause it's cute. don't joke about asylums if u haven't had those experiences (and even some of y'all who have been treat it like a vacation & to the rest of us it's prison. i mean literally. prison. incarceration. that's not new shit. and yeah, i'm that "actually crazy" person screaming in the ward. ur not any better than me.)

idk i keep posting and deleting about this cause i can't get my thoughts out properly i just. i'm tired. there was already a worsening problem of "socially acceptable" mental illness pushing out the rest of us (as it's always been) and now there's the top artist in the united states calling herself crazy, saying you should be scared of her, she was raised in an asylum, etc. and it's like.... that's my lived experience. medical doctors refuse to treat me because they're scared of my psychiatric disorders. i've had the cops called on me for episodes. i spent a decade rotting in the mental health system & institutions and i only got out after years of planning how to get away. and so much more i cant even put into words.

and now not only are y'all using folk like me & our experiences for the aesthetic. you're not even a decent human being to those of us who have actually lived through this shit. idk man. really rubs me the wrong way.

[madmaryholiday]

my cousin's kid is turning 5, i think? and his parents are having a birthday party for him that will be attended by most of our extended family. some of whom i haven't seen in literal years, so i have to go with.

i am dreading it, tbh, because 1) it's outside, so it will be bright and i will need to sit in the shade even with sunscreen on; 2) family gatherings are stressful for me; 3) their house is good for entertaining, but the ground is uneven and sloped, and to get to a bathroom, i'd have to take stairs down and then back up; 4) i am fucking exhausted from my work week and the attempted northern lights viewing and getting flowers for my mother for tomorrow.

that was a big brick of a paragraph but i don't have the energy to make it look nicer. basically i'm just real goddamn tired and not in any shape to be socializing, but i have to do it because i haven't seen most of my extended family since christmas, and the others for literal years.

pray for me or whatever. i'm hoping my brother and his wife dip out early and i can get a ride back with them, but it'll be at least a couple hours.

god i'm so fuckign tired.

[rawk-chikk]

Ugh. Today has decided it's gonna be a mental struggle day. Everything feels 'off', I can't get the simplest things done, I'm having trouble discerning if certain things I'm seeing are real or not and it's making my brain itch.

I'm going back to bed.

[aingeal98]

Something about older Jason looking at the child version of himself, the innocent victim, and feeling the need to defend and avenge him the way no one else will. They'll call him reckless and try to pin the blame for his death on some unique failure of his personality, the problem isn't Robin the problem is he was just a bad fit for Robin! And then older Jason coming back to life and spits on their twisted grief. Fuck you, that innocent child deserved more. You took his memory and ruined it to make yourselves feel better. If no one will give him justice then Jason will take it himself no matter who he has to kill to get there. It's the only way he can move forward.

Something about older Cass looking at this child version of herself, this innocent who has no idea what she was doing when she was tricked into killing, and finding her irredeemable. She will forgive everyone for everything if they need a second chance but she cannot forgive that innocent child. She spends ten years wanting that child to die for their sin, a standard she holds no one else to. And in the end she does have to die. She can never forgive that child until the price has been paid and the guilty, tormented, suicidal mess of a girl is dead and never coming back. Only then can Cass live on. Only then can she smile without feeling the weight of her kill on her back. If no one will give that child the justice they deserve then she will have to do it herself. It's the only way she can move forward.

[almond-gallery]

zzz

[akaanmo]

not to be dramatic but . one piece makes me feel like i love being alive actually.

[starflungwaddledee]

some rather strong first impressions were made.

required reading for the magical "voice" headcanon and another for starstruck's signature in particular. asked by @trainerbob23 !