#gave me new perspective as dumb as that may sound

[ellies-enrichment]

i can't believe i made so many text posts and my queue is still empty 2 days later does it not know i had a headache and needed it to keep going with new exciting posts that i haven't made because my head hurt

[writingwithcolor]

What Does Our "Motivations” PSA Mean?

@luminalalumini said:

I've been on your blog a lot and it has a lot of really insightful information, but I notice a theme with some of your answers where you ask the writer reaching out what their 'motivation for making a character a certain [race/religion/ethnicity/nationality] is' and it's discouraging to see, because it seems like you're automatically assigning the writer some sort of ulterior motive that must be sniffed out and identified before the writer can get any tips or guidance for their question. Can't the 'motive' simply be having/wanting to have diversity in one's work? Must there be an 'ulterior motive'? I can understand that there's a lot of stigma and stereotypes and bad influence that might lead to someone trynna add marginalized groups into their stories for wrong reasons, but people that have those bad intentions certainly won't be asking for advice on how to write good representation in the first place. Idk its just been something that seemed really discouraging to me to reach out myself, knowing i'll automatically be assigned ulterior motives that i don't have and will probably have to justify why i want to add diversity to my story as if i'm comitting some sort of crime. I don't expect you guys to change your blog or respond to this or even care all that much, I'm probably just ranting into a void. I'm just curious if theres any reason to this that I haven't realized exists I suppose. I don't want y'all to take this the wrong way because I do actually love and enjoy your blog's advice in spite of my dumb griping. Cheers :))

We assume this is in reference to the following PSA:

PSA to all of our users - Motivation Matters: This lack of clarity w/r to intent has been a general issue with many recent questions. Please remember that if you don’t explain your motivations and what you intend to communicate to your audience with your plot choices, character attributes, world-building etc., we cannot effectively advise you beyond the information you provide. We Are Not Mind Readers. If, when drafting these questions, you realize you can’t explain your motivations, that is likely a hint that you need to think more on the rationales for your narrative decisions. My recommendation is to read our archives and articles on similar topics for inspiration while you think. I will be attaching this PSA to all asks with similar issues until the volume of such questions declines. 

We have answered this in three parts.

1. Of Paved Roads and Good Intentions

Allow me to give you a personal story, in solidarity towards your feelings:

When I began writing in South Asia as an outsider, specifically in the Kashmir and Lahore areas, I was doing it out of respect for the cultures I had grown up around. I did kathak dance, I grew up on immigrant-cooked North Indian food, my babysitters were Indian. I loved Mughal society, and every detail of learning about it just made me want more. The minute you told me fantasy could be outside of Europe, I hopped into the Mughal world with two feet. I was 13. I am now 28.

And had you asked me, as a teenager, what my motives were in giving my characters’ love interests blue or green eyes, one of them blond hair, my MC having red-tinted brown hair that was very emphasized, and a whole bunch of paler skinned people, I would have told you my motives were “to represent the diversity of the region.” 

I’m sure readers of the blog will spot the really, really toxic and colourist tropes present in my choices. If you’re new here, then the summary is: giving brown people “unique” coloured eyes and hair that lines up with Eurocentric beauty standards is an orientalist trope that needs to be interrogated in your writing. And favouring pale skinned people is colourist, full stop.

Did that make me a bad person with super sneaky ulterior motives who wanted to write bad representation? No.

It made me an ignorant kid from the mostly-white suburbs who grew up with media that said brown people had to “look unique” (read: look as European as possible) to be considered valuable.

And this is where it is important to remember that motives can be pure as you want, but you were still taught all of the terrible stuff that is present in society. Which means you’re going to perpetuate it unless you stop and actually question what is under your conscious motive, and work to unlearn it. Work that will never be complete.

I know it sounds scary and judgemental (and it’s one of the reasons we allow people to ask to be anonymous, for people who are afraid). Honestly, I would’ve reacted much the same as a younger writer, had you told me I was perpetuating bad things. I was trying to do good and my motives were pure, after all! But after a few years, I realized that I had fallen short, and I had a lot more to learn in order for my motives to match my impact. Part of our job at WWC is to attempt to close that gap.

We aren’t giving judgement, when we ask questions about why you want to do certain things. We are asking you to look at the structural underpinnings of your mind and question why those traits felt natural together, and, more specifically, why those traits felt natural to give to a protagonist or other major character.

I still have blond, blue-eyed characters with sandy coloured skin. I still have green-eyed characters. Because teenage me was right, that is part of the region. But by interrogating my motive, I was able to devalue those traits within the narrative, and I stopped making those traits shorthand for “this is the person you should root for.” 

It opened up room for me to be messier with my characters of colour, even the ones who my teenage self would have deemed “extra special.” Because the European-associated traits (pale hair, not-brown-eyes) stopped being special. After years of questioning, they started lining up with my motive of just being part of the diversity of the region.

Motive is important, both in the conscious and the subconscious. It’s not a judgement and it’s not assumed to be evil. It’s simply assumed to be unquestioned, so we ask that you question it and really examine your own biases.

~Mod Lesya

2. Motivations Aren't Always "Ulterior"

You can have a positive motivation or a neutral one or a negative one. Just wanting to have diversity only means your characters aren't all white and straight and cis and able-bodied -- it doesn't explain why you decided to make this specific character specifically bi and specifically Jewish (it me). Yes, sometimes it might be completely random! But it also might be "well, my crush is Costa Rican, so I gave the love interest the same background", or "I set it in X City where the predominant marginalized ethnicity is Y, so they are Y". Neither of these count as ulterior motives. But let's say for a second that you did accidentally catch yourself doing an "ulterior." Isn't that the point of the blog, to help you find those spots and clean them up?

Try thinking of it as “finding things that need adjusting” rather than “things that are bad” and it might get less scary to realize that we all do them, subconsciously. Representation that could use some work is often the product of subconscious bias, not deliberate misrepresentation, so there's every possibility that someone who wants to improve and do better didn't do it perfectly the first time. 

--Shira

3. Dress-Making as a Metaphor

I want to echo Lesya’s sentiments here but also provide a more logistical perspective. If you check the rubber stamp guide here and the “Motivation matters” PSA above, you’ll notice that concerns with respect to asker motivation are for the purposes of providing the most relevant answer possible.

It is a lot like if someone walks into a dressmaker’s shop and asks for a blue dress/ suit (Back when getting custom-made clothes was more of a thing) . The seamstress/ tailor is likely to ask a wide variety of questions:

What material do you want the outfit to be made of?

Where do you plan to wear it?

What do you want to highlight?

How do you want to feel when you wear it?

Let’s say our theoretical customer is in England during the 1920s. A tartan walking dress/ flannel suit for the winter is not the same as a periwinkle, beaded, organza ensemble/ navy pinstripe for formal dress in the summer. When we ask for motivations, we are often asking for exactly that: the specific reasons for your inquiry so we may pinpoint the most pertinent information.

The consistent problem for many of the askers who receive the PSA is they haven’t even done the level of research necessary to know what they want to ask of us. It would be like if our English customer in the 1920s responded, “IDK, some kind of blue thing.” Even worse,  WWC doesn’t have the luxury of the back-and-forth between a dressmaker and their clientele. If our asker doesn’t communicate all the information they need in mind at the time of submission, we can only say, “Well, I’m not sure if this is right, but here’s something. I hope it works, but if you had told us more, we could have done a more thorough job.”

Answering questions without context is hard, and asking for motivations, by which I mean the narratives, themes, character arcs and other literary devices that you are looking to incorporate, is the best way for us to help you, while also helping you to determine if your understanding of the problem will benefit from outside input. Because these asks are published with the goal of helping individuals with similar questions, the PSA also serves to prompt other users.

I note that asking questions is a skill, and we all start by asking the most basic questions (Not stupid questions, because to quote a dear professor, “There are no stupid questions.”). Unfortunately, WWC is not suited for the most basic questions. To this effect, we have a very helpful FAQ and archive as a starting point. Once you have used our website to answer the more basic questions, you are more ready to approach writing with diversity and decide when we can actually be of service. This is why we are so adamant that people read the FAQ. Yes, it helps us, but it also is there to save you time and spare you the ambiguity of not even knowing where to start.

The anxiety in your ask conveys to me a fear of being judged for asking questions. That fear is not something we can help you with, other than to wholeheartedly reassure you that we do not spend our unpaid, free time answering these questions in order to assume motives we can’t confirm or sit in judgment of our users who, as you say, are just trying to do better.

Yes, I am often frustrated when an asker’s question makes it clear they haven’t read the FAQ or archives. I’ve also been upset when uncivil commenters have indicated that my efforts and contributions are not worth their consideration. However, even the most tactless question has never made me think, “Ooh this person is such a naughty racist. Let me laugh at them for being a naughty racist. Let me shame them for being a naughty racist. Mwahaha.”

What kind of sad person has time for that?*

Racism is structural. It takes time to unlearn, especially if you’re in an environment that doesn’t facilitate that process to begin with. Our first priority is to help while also preserving our own boundaries and well-being. Though I am well aware of the levels of toxic gas-lighting and virtue signaling that can be found in various corners of online writing communities in the name of “progressivism*”, WWC is not that kind of space. This space is for discussions held in good faith: for us to understand each other better, rather than for one of us to “win” and another to “lose.”

Just as we have good faith that you are doing your best, we ask that you have faith that we are trying to do our best by you and the BIPOC communities we represent.

- Marika.

*If you are in any writing or social media circles that feed these anxieties or demonstrate these behaviors, I advise you to curtail your time with them and focus on your own growth. You will find, over time, that it is easier to think clearly when you are worrying less about trying to appease people who set the bar of approval so high just for the enjoyment of watching you jump. “Internet hygiene”, as I like to call it, begins with you and the boundaries you set with those you interact with online.

[yuyuntianyu]

[2HA analysis blog] To love you is torment but leave you I cannot

I wanted to write this (hopefully not-too-long) blog to give 2HA fandom a different perspective of the events in the past timeline. I noticed that there are many little things that could not be carried over to the English language. These little things can give more explanations to our characters’ actions so I hope sharing this would help the novel make more sense. This blog focuses on Taxian-jun and Chu Fei.

Warning: Spoilers ! ! ! Taxian-jun and Chu Fei are their own trigger warnings ! ! !

Despite the novel having 350 chapters, we really know little about what happened between Taxian-jun and Chu Fei besides the abuse and mistreatment and that little is relayed to us by the Most Unreliable Narrator of the Cultivation World - Mo Ran Mo Weiyu. If we only take Mo Ran for his words then a lot of his and Chu Wanning’s decisions told later on would seem irrational and almost silly. So let’s dive deep in the past so we can understand how the great cultivator Beidou Xian-zun could raise such a dumb husky since the events in the past would explain the more irrational decisions made by both main characters.

Given Mo Ran’s narrator is about as reliable as his character in the first 120 chapters, we have to look at other more subtle clues and some of them are due to cultural and linguistic differences.

1. I used to like you a lot

At his coronation day, Taxian-jun stated that he once greatly looked up to Chu Wanning and that he used to love and respect him dearly. Maybe I am reading into this too much but this is my theory: The flower could erase the memory itself but cannot erase the feelings associated with the memory. He had his memories of the good deeds Chu Wanning did for him erased but still remembered that he used to love and respect him. It doesn’t make sense unless it is indeed that the flower could not erase its host’s feelings. So throughout the novel, Mo Ran’s complicated emotions are complicated possibly because he could not remember how he came to have these feelings. Similarly, Hua Binan could mess with the undead Taxian-jun’s memory to a great extent but could not erase his obsession with Chu Wanning.

2. I gave you a new title

Chu Fei. 楚妃. In the Imperial Chinese harem hierarchy, “Fei” means consort and not concubine (嬪 “Pín"). Consorts were highly respected positions in the palace weidling much political power and were only seconds to the Empress Consort. Another major difference is a consort would be married to the emperor while a concubine would not. So if Taxian-jun had truly wanted to only humiliate Chu Wanning and keep him for the carnal pleasures (I am intentionally ignoring his breeding kink completely), he would keep him as a concubine but he gave Chu Wanning the Consort title and hid him from the world. At this point, Taxian-jun had almost lost Chu Wanning once and had spent a lot of effort to bring him back from the verge of death after hearing Chu Wanning’s apology so his anger might have softened a bit. Also, given that Chu Wanning is a man, having a legitimate offspring ( (I am still intentionally ignoring Mo Ran's breeding kink completely) is not an issue so although this is not clearly stated, I believe Taxian-jun wanted to force a relationship and somewhat proper marriage on Chu Wanning. Another hint of this is in an Extra chapter where Taxian-jun tried to get Chu Wanning a birthday gift. He recalled that in his past timeline, he had wanted Chu Wanning to give him something on his birthday as well and that he had wanted Chu Wanning’s heart.

3. Shizun likes to write letters and poems

On Book 3 Chapter 247, Chu Wanning sat down and wrote a few unsent letters to the people he used to know. He also wrote a few lines of poetry. In the first few lines taken from different literature works, he expressed his sense of helplessness and his wish to remain untainted despite the circumstances. The more important two lines are from a poem written by a real poet named Fàn Chéngdà ( 范成大) who lived in the 12th century Southern-Song dynasty. The two lines read:

“May I be like the stars, may you* be as the moon. Night after night, may we shine together side by side.” **

*In the original work, the character used instead of you is “jun” 君 (as in 踏仙君 Taxian-jun). 君 could mean king, emperor, lord, or gentleman ** This is my rough translation - I haven’t found an English version of this poem

These two lines are commonly used in romantic novels as a way to express one’s unchanging love and loyalty to another person despite the circumstances. He compared himself as the stars and wanted to remain by Taxian-jun whom he viewed as the moon. Chu Wanning wrote this to express his willingness to stay but he would never voice this out loud. In the next timeline, he did the same thing by quietly loving and caring for Mo Ran 1.0 despite the mistreatment and was content with never expressing his feelings vocally. Mo Ran was rather uneducated and thus could not fully comprehend these two lines and misunderstood that Chu Wanning was missing Xue Meng.

4. You are all I have left

In chapter 252, after Chu Wanning returned to The Red Lotus Pavilion, he found Taxian-jun already waiting for him. Taxian-jun told Chu Wanning about a dream he had and said:

“I am afraid I don’t resent you… I want to resent you… Otherwise, I…” “In the end, it’s just you and I”.

This is not the first time he expressed that Chu Wanning was all he had left or they only had each other. I believe that at this point, Taxian-jun might have somewhat believed Chu Wanning and recognized that his memories were missing. His words and behaviors seemed a lot more gentle and he mentioned they did have periods of time where their marriage was easier. I believe it was after this point. He told us about the numerous times he attempted to spoil his consort or expressed his affection through gifts, a trip outside the palace, goods, jewels, and even teaching Chu Wanning how to cook or personally taking care of Chu Wanning when he was sick. At one point, Taxian-jun expressed his wish for a more peaceful marriage with Chu Wanning through his breeding kink by saying that if they had children, perhaps they would be more civil towards each other.

Edit: I really wanted to go about this blog without having to refer to their particular taste in bed

5. Are you still mad?

This is a smaller detail but in the original text and the Vietnamese official translation, the way they talked to each other had a bit more of the “husband-wife” dynamic. Especially Chu Wanning ( l┐(︶▽︶)┌ ), the comment section said he sounded like when your wife is mad that you didn’t take out the trash but still says: “I’m not mad” and Taxian-jun, the husband, would come around and ask “Are you still mad at me?” after every fight.

6. I did not think you would really leave me.

On Chapter 99, Mo Ran recalled the fight between him and Chu Wanning after an assassination attempt. In order to convince Mo Ran to not go to Taxue Palace, Chu Wanning said:

“If you destroy Taxue palace, if you kill Xue Meng, I will die before you”.

Now the line “I will die before you” in my language is less of a suicidal ideation but more of a threat. It's used when a person already knows that they are important to the other person and is using their own death as a threat to make the other person do something. This line is thrown around a lot during heated arguments between people close to each other but they almost never mean it. (Even my mom said it numerous times before T_T . I personally think it’s manipulative). Therefore, it is understandable Taxian-jun did not take this line seriously and replied almost mockingly. After all, they had been married for almost a decade at that point, Taxian-jun probably felt somewhat comfortable that Chu Wanning would not do anything reckless. He could not foresee that Chu Wanning meant what he said and actually followed through with his words. I believe that if Taxian-jun had known that Chu Wanning was serious, Taxian-jun would not have gone to Taxue Palace. 7. Don't leave me, ok?

Then Chu Wanning died and Mo Ran spent two years alone. In those two years, we know he basically went insane because of grief, talked to a corpse everyday, and deep fried his Empress Consort. But strangely enough, Mo Ran 1.0 did not immediately mention this after being reborn although it was the main reason he committed suicide. And at that point, it had been well over a decade since Shi Mei faked his death in the past timeline, yet Mo Ran 1.0 seemed to still hold a lot of resentment towards Chu Wanning. Also, he said he could accept Shi Mei’s death but would never accept Chu Wanning’s. So honestly, it did not make sense to me the first time I read the novel and I believed Mo Ran resented Chu Wanning for a different reason.

The answer was first hinted at in chapter 9 when Mo Ran scolded the sleeping Chu Wanning. He called Chu Wanning a donkey hoof (lol) and this is actually an idiom to scold someone who is disloyal and unfaithful in love. The puzzles came together when the undead Taxian-jun showed up and immediately went after Chu Wanning (and not Shi Mei). He believed Chu Wanning used his death to hurt him and was angry at Chu Wanning for leaving him. This is the resentment Mo Ran 1.0 carried over to the next timeline. He hated Chu Wanning for abandoning him. This is solidified in chapter 262 by the undead Taxian-jun pleading to Chu Wanning:

“Don’t betray me” “Don’t leave me the second time. The first time you left, I could choose death as a relief. This time, even death is not an option any more… I won’t be able to bear it…”

So there it is! I hope this blog brings some new information and feel free to discuss! Let me know if you have any questions for me ＼(￣▽￣)／

Disclaimer: Plenty of this is my conclusion drawn from the already ambiguous original text and various translations. Unless Meatbun says it, it’s not canon. I am looking at the novel in three different languages so I might have made some mistakes. Pls forgive. Also, I am not making excuses for Mo Ran 0.5’s actions nor am I justifying the abuse in any way. Chu Wanning never said Mo Ran 0.5 was innocent of these crimes nor will I.

[dogbearinggifts]

What are your thoughts on tua S2? Did you feel like the characters grew? What did you like? What did you not? I’m interested in your perspective. Your analysis are super thoughtful and interesting!

Aw, thanks, Anon!

Overall, I really enjoyed S2 and thought it was a solid follow-up to S1. I do have my quibbles about it, so I think (for ease of reference and because my thoughts are a little scattered today) I’ll list some of my personal highlights (in no particular order) before getting into what I didn’t like as much.

Big spoilers ahead.

Allison. I thought they handled her storyline especially well. Of all the siblings, I think she had the most difficult obstacles placed in her way (not only is she a Black woman landing in 1961 Dallas, but she’s a Black woman landing in 1961 Dallas who can’t even speak in her own defense for a year) and they sugarcoated exactly none of it. The writers pulled no punches when showing what civil rights protesters went through, which just made their nonviolent response all the more breathtaking. Allison’s fear and anger during those scenes were palpable even as she kept them hidden. But along with that horror, we see the kindness and warmth of the Dallas Black community, the women who take her in simply because she needs their help, and her love for Ray, perhaps heretofore THE most thoughtful husband ever portrayed on screen. I loved him, and I loved him and Allison together. While I understand and respect his choice to stay in 1963, I wish they’d gotten more time together. They both deserved it.

Vanya. We got to see how much the baggage from her past affected her by glimpsing what she might be like if it were taken away. It’s an interesting philosophical question, and it was explored well, in my opinion. She finds it easier to love and be loved, and she stands up for herself more readily—but she also doesn’t hesitate to use powers she can’t quite control and threatens Five without fully realizing how dire her threat is (or how it might dredge up traumatic memories she doesn’t know exist). The moment where Ben finds her curled up, fully convinced she’s a monster, was heartbreaking. I loved watching her find happiness with Sissy, even if that was fleeting (and dear god, Sissy deserved her happy ending with Vanya, dammit, I don’t care if it would fuck up the timeline). Her patience and sweetness with Harlan were just beautiful. And the way she used the confidence she gained during her amnesia to fully come into her own not to exact revenge on her siblings, but to save them, was fucking phenomenal.

The humor. There was a lot more humor this season, and it was awesome. So many iconic scenes—Olga Foroga, Luther babysitting two homicidal Fives, Elliot awkwardly lecturing his guests on the history of Jello, “NEW TIMELINE NEW ME,” “Your vagina needs glasses,” AJ the fish gobbling up the cigarette bubbles, Five getting to say “fuck”….this season was a lot funnier than the previous one, and I think that was one of its strengths.

Klaus’ cult. It was played for laughs, which I both expected and thought was the best way to handle it. He didn’t want to start a new religion with himself at the center; he just wanted to not get thrown out of any more diners, but Destiny’s Children had other ideas. The “I too am a fraud!” scene was hilarious and tickled the question of whether or not a religion founded on false pretenses can still help those within it find meaning.

Luther. Getting him away from his dad, his siblings, and the Academy was exactly what he needed to become the pure of heart and dumb of ass genius we always knew he was, but his first major step in that direction was heartbreaking. We all knew he’d be rejected once he got to the Academy. We all knew Reginald would rip his heart out and stomp on it in his admittedly fashionable shoes. It gets Luther out on his own and forces him to become his own person apart from his dad, but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch. He got the positive character development he needed, but the catalyst was tragic.

Diego. We see, for the first time, exactly how Reginald kept him in line—not with meds or with PTSD-inducing torture, but with words. Even when he knows Diego as little more than a stranger, Reginald is able to rip off his skin and fling it in his face with a single diatribe; and even at 30, with years away from his dad, Diego is left unable to speak, feeling as if all of his accomplishments up to that point were the work of a dumb kid who thought he was smarter and more capable than he actually was.

Luther and Diego sharing a braincell. Luther has bad ideas. Diego has bad ideas. When they put their bad ideas together, they get terrible ideas. I loved watching them work together as a team, rather than being at each others’ throats for most of the season, even if I’m left hoping Olga Foroga had a pleasant and quiet day after that phone call.

Reginald. At first glance, it may look like the writers were trying to make him likable so they could parade him around as your average abusive-parent-with-a-soft-side. But it’s more nuanced than that. Abusive parents (and abusers in general) often fly under the radar because they fool outsiders into thinking they’re good people. They’re active in their communities. They give to charity. They have friends who attest to their virtue, significant others who think they’re the greatest. And that’s what we see with Reginald. We see him as the rest of the world did: an intelligent, eccentric man with a sharp sense of humor who cared deeply about scientific advancement. That’s how he evaded suspicion—because there were stories from years past of lively parties at his mansion, of what a gentleman he was to Grace and of how he did everything he could to save little Pogo. But those stories would all have come from people he considered his equals. When he’s with people he considers his inferiors—aka, the Umbrella kids—he’s openly condescending and demeaning. We get to see how he fooled the world, and it is chilling.

Elliot. He deserved better, and you can ship him with any one of the Hargreeves kids and get the cutest thing ever. 

The Swedes. They said so much while speaking very little.

Ben. He got more personality and screen time, and it was glorious. His love of his family and resentment toward Klaus practically leapt off the screen. The way he says “I’ve missed you all…so much” once they’ve all left was one of those right-in-the-feels moments; and watching him get so much of what he’s wanted for years when he possesses Klaus was beautiful.

Now, as for things I took issue with….

Ben. I understand why they ended his arc the way they did. I get that they were probably afraid the Klaus/Ben dynamic would grow stale if they didn’t change it somehow and wanted to give him a larger role in S3. His death(???) was heartbreaking and extremely well-done. But it also wasn’t foreshadowed. We never got any sense of what ghosts in the TUA ‘verse are, so the fact they can be destroyed by a ton of sound-turned-energy or by going too far into someone’s psyche or whatever happened….it’s not that it doesn’t make sense so much as there’s not enough evidence to determine whether or not it makes sense. It feels like the writers just kinda made that up so they’d have a reason to change Ben’s relationship dynamics, but if that’s the case, couldn’t they have done it another way? Couldn’t they have made it so the immense energy or psychic woo-woo or whatever gave him a power-up instead of destroying him? Vanya transferred some of her energy into Harlan and brought him back to life. Couldn’t something similar have happened with Ben? And if it tied him to Vanya as well as to Klaus, great! More fodder for angst and humor! (”Vannyyyyyyyy, stop hogging Ben!” “You got him for 17 years, Klaus, you can part with him for 20 minutes.” “Guys, don’t I get a say in this?”) I’m glad they didn’t write him out of the series entirely, but I still wish they’d kept him and all the character development he’d gotten throughout S2.

Episode 10. It looks like they tried to cram half a season’s worth of developments into 45 minutes. Twenty minutes in, I’d already said “Wait what the fuck” half a dozen times. A lot of those moments were explained later on, and I was able to make enough inferences to fill in any lingering plot holes, but…still. Too much stuff, too little time. E9 was a perfectly satisfying ending to the season. Yes, it leaves the siblings stranded in 1963, but they could’ve tied up those loose ends in the S3 premiere.

Lila. She’s an incredibly fun character, but her arc is kind of a mess. Most of that is due to E10, and I do feel that more time to let her arc breathe would’ve worked wonders, but I’m left feeling like her turn from “Handler is the best mom ever and I lurve Diego too” to “KILL DIEGO AND HIS EVIL FAMILY” to “Handler is a bad mom and Diego is right” happened too quickly.

The Commission. Okay, so, the Handler announces the entire Board has been killed, and she’s stepping in as director even though everyone appears to know she’s been demoted (and demoted pretty severely—she went from having an office bigger than some apartments to being a case management drone). There’s suspicion and lots of it. But then, La Resistance is….ten or so people in a single room? And when she calls the temps agents to her side, thousands of them show up ready and willing to fight and die? I dunno. Just seems like there should’ve been more splintering going on there. Again, I think they needed more time to tie everything up.

Aside from those complaints, I loved the season. I set aside most of a day to binge it, and I do not regret that decision at all.

[lovee-infected]

hi hi!!! i love your vil analysis post!! just wondering though...why does vil force epel to do traditionally “cute, feminine” things. i get that it’s, like, to counter neige for the vdc, but it kind of goes against vil’s ideology? like, how i see it, vil advocates for people to express themselves how they want without being bound by gender roles. i feel like if epel tried forcing his manliness ideology onto other people, he’d be justified in his “forcing epel to do cute things” plan, but i don’t think epel has ever shamed feminine guys? he just wants to be manly himself. could this be an allusion to how the evil queen turned ugly just to fulfill her goals? vil going against his core ideals and becoming “ugly” just to win?

Glad you enjoyed it dear! As for your question, I believe that'll be better if I go into details because I've seen many asking similar questions regarding chapter 5, and I guess that's causing some misunderstandings towards both Vil and Epel. Well, we're soon getting the rest of the Pomefiore Chapter, so I guess it's the best time for an analysis on Epel and Vil's relationship and how Chapter 5 has been going so far

First off, let me state something really really important about the Pomefiore chapter, this arc has got pretty wild spirits that are quite new compared to the previous chapters. We've got Neige, the first RSA character to appear as a real rival of a NRC student, Vil and Epel's rough relationship, Ace and Deuce joining MC on the new adventure once again and finally, the VDC: an event with is potentially important to not only the whole NRC but also Twisted Wonderland!

While all fans are surely excited to see what we'll be going through next, there are quite a few of misunderstandings and wrong interpretations that are considerably important regarding the Pomefiore chapter. In order to avoid possible dramas and more misinterpretions between the fans, let's try to take a better look at this Chapter and important Pomefiore hints that we've got so far:

(1)Epel's feelings; the most important element of chapter 5

One of the quite brilliant facts about Chapter 5, is the unique presence of characters and their roles in the story. This might seem quite unrecognizable, but right now Epel's appearance is effecting the audience way more than Vil's! This arc is mainly focusing on making the audience feel his pain and hard time, and I can say that they're doing it pretty well! We'll talk about how his feelings are being presented in part (6). Now, you may wonder why his feelings are so important in the Pomefiore arc? Isn't it supposed to be mostly about Vil? Well of course, the story is most likely leading us to Vil's overblot so he's the heart of this chapter, but the important thing is too see how crucial Epel's role is here. Watching how Epel is in pain, silenty crying and forced into doing something that he doesn't want to by Vil is savagely effecting this fandom's interpretation of Vil, some are commenting on how he's the worst or how horrible he is or hundreds of not really friendly critiques which is awfully frustrating... We'd continue to talk about this point in part (5)!

(2) Epel's relationship with Vil

Let's review what we've got through the side stories. To begin with, Epel obviously doesn't really like Vil, (I'm trying to cooperate and not say that he hates him) he didn't appreciate having him as the dorm leader from the very beginning. But he's got some strong reasons to dislike Vil so we can't really blame him:

1)Vil slapped him all of a sudden just because of his poor posture at the dinner table 2)Vil almost crashed Epels head between his hands while teaching him some manners 3)Vil's idealistic are just the opposite of Epel's 4)Vil is trying to change Epel, especially during chaptet 5. It sometimes feels like Vil is treating Epel like his puppet and Epel doesn't appreciate this all.

At the end of his SR lab story Epel stated how he's going to study his hardest in magic and potions, so maybe at some point he'd beat Vil, which goes to prove that he considers Vil a rival.

"Why is it so though? Isn't this pretty risky for Epel to challenge Vil, especially as Vil is a dorm leader and Epel's just a first year who's still an amateur at magic?"

Farewell, let me mention something about Epel, he's got a really strong will to the point of not giving up until proving everyone wrong. He's often looked down on, is called to be useless and dumb, and is sometimes insulted for being innocent and naïve. True, he still has a lot he needs to learn and he's aware, but he won't take being underestimated easily.

Just look at him! He's been raised in a farm and he still found his way to this school filled with stunning students coming from noble families while Epel is a simple country boy! He proved the point to us once again in his lab coat story where Crewel gave him an impossible task just to push him into giving up and coming to apologize afterwards. When Epel realized that he was just tricked by Crewel, he felt quite frustrated and started to cry, yet he didn't give up and used his personal experiments and what he'd learned back in his farm life and paved his road to success and impressing everyone including Crewel!

This is why he isn't backing up now, he doesn't want and isn't going to lose to Vil. Another important reason might be how Vil seems to have control over Epel, his manners, his attitude, the way he looks and basically, the person Epel is. Epel has indirectly said that Vil may be currently bounding his actions and life, but someday this will change. He mentioned similar lines several times and you can see he really has a strong will to prove everyone, especially Vil, that he's not a cute apple boy to sit still and look pretty. And if he's been waiting for the right time to stand against Vil, chapter 5 has got it. In part (7) you'll see why.

(3)What is happening in chapter 5?

Okay before we continue, let's just focus on what we've got in Pomefiore chapter: This year's vocal and dance championship has an unbelievable amount of media focused on it , because two of the world-famous influencers,Vil Schoenheit & Neige Leblanche, are joining. Both are great influencers and talented designers, but recently Neige has been getting really popular through the social media and TV, thus Vil realizes that the time to face his well-known rival, Neige, has come.

The VDC is no joke to him because hundreds of people are coming to watch this competition between two Celebrities, and his career is surely at risk. If the VDC doesn't go as well as he's planned, that'll be an end to his fame and clout, possibly his whole career! Therefore he has to make sure that nothing is going to ruin his plans for the big day, and that's why he is going to use his ultimate weapon, the red poisoned apple. Note that this isn't just about Vil, it's about protecting NRC's clout against RSA as well, so losing the VDC would seriously effect NRC's picture throughout the whole twisted wonderland. So a really important part of NRC's future is relying on Vil's hands right now.

Look, unlike the previous chapters, Vil's story is about nothing fictional or exaggerated; it's something that's pretty normal to see in real life! Two famous fashion designers joining a competition, both are giving in their best, aren't planning to lose, are going to be awfully strict towards training their models and making sure that nothing would be messed up, and are SERIOUS about winning because losing it to the other side would end in losing their clout and having the reports of their unfortunate fall-down spread worldwide.

Unlike the previous overblots, Vil's strictness and seriousness has NOTHING to do with being evil or crazy, he's just doing what he's supposed to be doing, working his hardest to defend his career. Anyone else who were in Vil's shoes would've done the same, and nothing about it chaotic, heartless or mad. His being pretty strict towards Epel because he's his main hope, Epel is the perfect beauty material and is definitely capable of achieving all the best through the VDC, that's why Vil's counting on him. Just as a fashion designer is strict with training their model, Vil is all serious with his way of couching Epel. And it's just about being professional, not being evil!

(4) It's not about Vil, it's about Epel

This is more of a continuation to part (3), but let's talk seriously about how wrong chapter 5 is being interpreted. "Vil is the worst! Can't he see that Epel doesn't want this?" or "Ew gross! People like Vil who use others for their very own benefits are just horrible" are some of the aggressive comments I've recently heard about how Vil is doing in Chapter 5, which is mainly because of Epel. I mentioned that Epel's feelings are most important element of chapter 5 and this is why!! Vil isn't doing anything that savage or mean but his actions seem to be a lot more appealing to fans due to how Epel's frustration and pain is being focused on. It's not because of Vil, it's because of Epel. Vil had been just the same with Leona back in the fairy gala event and most of the fans considered the story to be much of a comedy, but when Vil's treating Epel just the same way it sounds mean, cruel, harsh and heartless. See what I meant? Epel's presence was crucial to give Vil an evil perspective and make him seem just as bad as Azul or Leona.

I'm not defending his action since Epel as well is surely under a serious pressure. He doesn't even want to be joining the VDC, let alone having to follow all these strict rules that Vil's been teaching him so far. But since Epel forcedly made the deal with Vil and promised to help him for the VDC, there's no turning back now. Vil is counting on him as his very last hope and is putting his hardest of work and effort into training Epel, just like any professional fashion designer would've done.

(5)Vil is NOT the Evil Queen!

As for Vil's biggest difference with the Evil Queen, I must say that Vil does really work his hardest for what he desires. Evil Queen simply wanted Snow White dead while we've got Vil, working his ass off preparing everything for the VDC. He isn't just going to get mad and envies of Neige because his becoming popular, he doesn't want Neige dead either. All Vil has been doing so far was working and working and working and getting to be called cruel and heartless in return, I mean can't you just feel the amount of effort and nerve he's giving into work?

See, a considerable majority of the fandom is exaggerating the story of chapter 5 while Vil hasn't even shown a simple sign of having any ill intentions or evil plans in mind! We don't know what is going to happen i the next episodes but let's say that he hasn't done a single evil thing so far.

Just take a look at previous chapters! Leona was openly planning to unfairly harm and injure other students and Azul fooled nearly 200 students, took away their magic and forced them to work for him in Mostrolounge until they graduate from the very beginning. Heartslabyul and Scarabia weren't as severe as these two but they still did have some sort of a visibly unhealthy aura. Vil's current impression as the villain of chapter 5 is high-kay normal and chill compared to the previous chapters as he literally has done nothing evil so far, NOTHING. Most of the fandom is currently giving him the malicious aura that he doesn't have, or at least he doesn't yet have. Look, Vil's just doing his job. This doesn't even have anything to do with the Evil Queen! Also, Vil's rival ship with Neige has nothing to do with beauty, it's about fame, net-worth and popularity.

We don't know if he'd come up with any ill plans or serious intentions to harm Neige or anyone else in the new episodes, but his current impression in nothing more than going hard on Epel as his coach which is just being overly exaggerated by the fandom. A real life fashion designer would've done JUST the same thing! I know that this story is most likely going to end in Vil's overblot and him revealing his inner villain but come on, he hasn't done anything horrible so far!

(6)How Epel is being presented through Chapter 5

This point is the cause of many misunderstandings and confusions regarding Chapter 5, many find the context of Epel being forced to do what he doesn't like so cruel, some on the other hand are confused becaused Vil has clearly stated that his terms of beauty are gender neutral, so why would he force Epel to do these in the first place? As I said before, it's because of Epel, not Vil.

When it comes to perspectives on beauty, Epel's idealistics are just the opposite of Vil's. Look, Epel hates being mistaken with a girl or being considered soft and cute, this is something that has been bothering him for quite a long time. Being misgendered because of his appearance all over his life has had some negative effects on his perspective toward anything cute or feminine, as it just reminds him as how he often gets misunderstood because of his unwanted appearance and cuteness. Epel is awfully similar to Deuce and wants nothing more than getting to reveal the manliness he's holding within, through not only tastes but also abilities.

This is why he's been feeling quite uncomfortable in chapter 5 because Vil's basically pushing him into doing what he hates the most, looking cute and, well, something that Epel would consider feminine. The thing is, Vil does not consider stuff like 'Being able to sing beautifully, performing eye-catching movements voice, wearing stunning clothes and applying makeup' feminine at all, to Vil these are gender neutral terms of beauty and he doesn't get why Epel might consider them girlish or feminine either. Epel's comment on not wanting to do girlish things sounded naïve and low key rude to Vil because beauty isn't bound to being male or female, and he doesn't appreciate the idea of these works being called girlish at all.

This is neither Epel nor Vil's fault, it's just the difference in idealistics.

(7) Vil's on thin ice right now

Let me tell you a secret, 'choosing Epel to become the red poisoned apple wasn't an accidental act AT ALL'. Vil has been watching over Epel ever since he entered NRC and this is why he was so strict about changing this "Mudded potato" into a well-behaved Pomefiore student. Vil knew Epel's name and had discussed his case with Rook right at Epel's first day, and this is why he treated Epel so harshly at the dinner table because his plan to turn Epel into his red poisoned apple had already begun. He was preparing Epel from the very beginning and was just expecting the big day to arrive, the day he'd need Epel to defeat his rival, Neige.

Remember that I said how Epel's been waiting for a chance to stand against Vil and how Chapter 5 would be his BEST opportunity to do this? Before we explain this point, let's have a review on how Vil has been effecting and changing him so far. During his first days in NRC, Epel was more comfortable with shouting, fighting and opposing to other students including Vil. He used to disagree until Vil slapped him but now in Chapter 5, he doesn't even say a word when Vil tells him to do something, he just silently obeys as tears fall from his eyes. He no longer fights back as much as he used to.

But right now, Vil's career, status and future is bound to Epel. Vil has been working harder than ever trying to turn him into the Red poisoned Apple he's been expecting him to become, and if Epel backs up or decides to ruin the show and stop letting Vil have control over him, that'll seriously make Vil explode. And if you think that Vil deserves to be hurt like this, I gotta say that he doesn't, he seriously doesn't deserve this after all he's been going through. Just imagine being on Gil's shoes, how would you feel about having the result of all that hard work and effort you've given into work for YEARS ruined like this? Look, we need to judge this situation nonetheless, even is you don't really like Vil it's important to realize the unfairness of this possible future to the story.

Epel now has the opportunity to BREAK Vil like no one has ever done, after all Vil has been going through to coach Epel, teach him manners, change his nature and prepare him for the VDC this would certainly be the worst thing that may happen to him and it'll make him mad, like really really mad. The Vil we've seen through the story so far was nothing more than Vil's normal calm self so we can't even imagine how it might be to see him mad. At this point he won't be bound to any manners or consderations, and keep this in mind: "We won't like it when Vil is evil, and we can't imagine how evil he can be,"

I'm honestly so excited and terrified at the same time to see what we'll get to see in the rest of the Pomefiore chapter, the atmosphere is so nerve-wrecking right now and I can't help but to pray that the rest of this story doesn't traumatize us as much as it can- “Yana please, have mercy on us”

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

Moving On

Part five of the New Year, New Me Series

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Summary:

After your fight with Joshua, he’s about all you can think about. So to distract from your worries, Jeonghan resolves it’s about time he took you on a date.

Warnings: name-calling, no protection, lots of public play, blowjobs, choking

-

Your fingers drummed mindlessly against Jeonghan’s dining table as sounds of him moving around in his bedroom filled your ears.

You were supposed to hang out with Joshua today- after all it was the release of a movie that you two had been dying to see and had been talking about for months. You both had pre-purchased your tickets online and your phone had reminded you not long ago that in an hour you were supposed to be at the theater.

Normally you and Joshua probably would have spent the whole day together. Mina would have jested that you two were much too close as you binge-watched all your favorite movies together and you both would throw popcorn at her telling her she just didn’t get it.

As always that would make Mina mad at Joshua for a whole hour and you would laugh when he came back- slightly sulky- drape your legs across Joshua’s and tell him about how good the single life felt from an outsider’s perspective.

You and Joshua had always done everything together for as long as you could remember you two were as close as close could be. He had supported you when you needed supported and you had done the same to him when need be.

But it had been a few days since Joshua had texted you. He hadn’t reached out to you since he caught you and Jeonghan...

You missed him. You couldn’t believe that you had to miss him, but you did, and you missed him so much it hurt.

You let your head fall to the table and let out a loud groan- a noise that made Jeonghan poke his head into the room.

“Still moping?”

You grunted at the question, which was all the answer that Jeonghan needed from you apparently. He walked over, his fingers tangled in your hair gently and he leaned down, kissing you on the top of your nose.

“Come on, you’re going to have to get over it at some point,” Jeonghan murmured. “Just stewing in the little disagreement-”

“It’s not a little disagreement,” you protested. “Joshua and I have never fought like this before.”

Your eyes flickered to Jeonghan’s and you pouted. It made him smile at you and he knelt before you, his hands coming your face.

“Never huh?” He asked you airily. You knew that he just found your pout to be amusing, but you still played right into his hands.

“Joshua and I may fight, but we always make up in a day, or two days, but he’s never just flat out ignored me like this,” you replied. “And... He would never say something so mean to me and then kick me out without another word.”

Jeonghan leaned forward at that, and pressed a small kiss to your lips.

“He’ll get over himself,” Jeonghan assured you. His fingers slipped down your body, and he began to try to push your jacket off of you, your back pressing against the back of the table.

“He called me a whore to Mingyu. Mingyu told me,” you mumbled back in response.

“He’s just mad, people say things they don’t mean when they are mad,” Jeonghan replied. He placed a kiss to your collarbone and then added: “Besides you are a whore.”

You smacked him and he let out a soft: “Ouch.” Pausing his advances on you. You leaned forward again and shrugged your jacket back on your shoulders.

“Jeonghan, I’m worried Joshua is never going to talk to me again. What if I made the biggest mistake of my life and lost my best friend?”

Jeonghan sighed and reached forward, again, but his hands went to cup your cheeks once again.

“I’m serious- Things are going to be okay,” Jeonghan insisted. “You just have to give Joshua some time to digest everything. You know Mina is on your side and she’ll talk some sense into him.”

You lowered your eyes from Jeonghan’s so he continued.

“Besides it’s you we are talking about. Joshua is crazy about your two’s friendship. He would never risk losing you forever. He’ll realize he misses you soon and then he’ll come running.”

You knew that Jeonghan was right. Joshua just needed some time to digest everything, but you still couldn’t help but worry.

Jeonghan seemed to sense this and sighed. He stood back up to his full height and patted your head.

“Alright, that’s it. You need to go home, shower and get dressed. We’re going out.”

Your eyebrows rose in surprise at the suggestion.

“What?” You asked him softly. He raised an eyebrow at you and placed a hand on his hip.

“I’m not going to let you mope around all day about Joshua,” Jeonghan mumbled. “Especially if I can’t seem to even distract you with sex. So, let’s go out on a date.”

Those were six words you never thought that you would ever hear leave Jeonghan’s lips for you to hear. You pulled your legs up in the chair that you were sitting in and gave him a bewildered look- one at which he just rolled his eyes to.

“Seriously. I’ll get us a table somewhere fancy, where you spend like double digits on small portions or whatever.”

You were still suspicious by the suggestion and opened your mouth just to tell him so, but it only made him roll his eyes and rush over to you, gently pulling you to your feet.

“It’s because I like you idiot. Now go put something nice on before I change my mind.”

You laughed and stumbled a little bit as you were nudged towards the door by Jeonghan. You caught your balance and looked back over your shoulder at Jeonghan.

“Thank you,” you murmured softly. He rolled his eyes.

“Just hurry up before I change my mind and fuck you right here instead.”

-

The idea of going on a fancy date with Jeonghan sounded like a lot of fun and honestly it distracted you a lot more from the whole Joshua situation then you had initially thought that it would. You did your make up for the first time in a really long time, picked out a fancy dress that you left hanging in the back of the closet and picked out a clutch that your family had given you a while back that you hadn’t ever really thought you would use.

You looked at yourself in the mirror and the reality of the situation hit you like a rock.

Were you really excited to go on a date with Yoon Jeonghan? Honestly distracted by getting yourself dress up for a man who was used to seeing you naked?

Your thoughts were interrupted by a knock at your door and you distractedly called over your shoulder: “Coming!”

You looked at yourself once more in the mirror.

Yeah, you supposed you were.

You ran over to the door the best you could in your heels and pulled the front door open without really looking at who was there. Instead you focused on your shoes which you were momentarily worried that you had scuffed somewhere.

As you brushed your hair out of your face you heard someone suck in a sharp breath. You looked up, and saw that Jeonghan was giving you a bit of a dumb look.

He was dressed in a nice button up with a suit jacket over top and a tie. Just the sight of him made you swallow hard and force a smile on your lips.

“What?” You asked him. He shook his head and swallowed so hard that you could actually see his adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.

“It’s nothing,” he murmured. “You just... You look so beautiful.”

You scoffed at Jeonghan, but he didn’t mind that at all. He instead reached forward and gently wrapped his fingers around your wrist, pulling you up against him with a small smile.

“You have to stop assuming everything I say is bullshit,” he said with a laugh. “You are literally so beautiful. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.”

Your cheeks burned red as he spoke and you groaned, burying your face in his chest.

“Jeonghan shut your dumb mouth,” you murmured back. He laughed again and his fingers brushed under your chin, making you look up at him. He kissed you softly.

“Why don’t you shut it for me?”

You pressed your hands against his chest and pressed him back. He stumbled away from you, a large smile spread over his cheeks as he did so, and he brushed himself off cheekily.

“Okay. Come on, let’s get to the restaurant.”

-

The first thing you noticed when you got to the restaurant was that the waitress had a clear crush on Jeonghan. The moment that you two walked into the room you happened to see her eyes fall on Jeonghan. You saw the way that her eyes widened, and she grabbed her nearest coworker. She said a few words, brushed her long dark hair back behind her ear and pulled the waist of her skirt up.

You weren’t surprised when the girl wandered over to your table and gave Jeonghan (that’s right Jeonghan- she didn’t even give you a glance) a large sweet smile. She set a menu down in front of Jeonghan and clasped her hands behind her back so that she could push her breasts forward.

“My name is Wendy,” she said sweetly. “Do you want to know the specials?”

Jeonghan wasn’t looking at her. Instead his eyes were on the menus on the table.

“No, I think that’s okay,” he replied softly. “We probably just need a second to look at the menu. What do you think?”

“Yeah, babe.”

The waitress, Wendy, looked over at you, a glare flickering over her face as she stared at you. Her eyes flickered up and down your body, and then she gave you sweet smile.

“Don’t forget to save room for dessert,” Wendy said, her voice sickly. “There isn’t really anything sweet at this table.”

Her fingers reached forward, and brushed the corner of your table, so close to Jeonghan’s hands that it made your fingers clench into small fists. Then she wandered away.

You glared after her as she walked away, and only when she had disappeared entirely from your sight did you look back at Jeonghan who seemed to be clueless to the whole thing.

He was staring down at the menu she had given you, his eyes scanning it meticulously.

“So, what are you in the mood for?” He asked you softly. “I’m thinking maybe we start off with the Lemony Mushroom Crostini with Shallot.”

You stared blankly at him, unable to comprehend both what he had said, and the fact that he hadn’t noticed what was going on just a moment before at all. He took note of your silence and turned towards you, eyebrows raising.

“What?” He asked.

“Nothing, nothing,” you waved off. “I guess the... Whatever you just said sounds good.”

Jeonghan hummed and started to talk about the other things on the menu, not seeming to notice your odd behavior. It annoyed you to a certain extent, after all you two were on a date. He should be paying complete attention to you, and you shouldn’t be competing for his attention with the waitress.

You leaned back in your chair as he spoke, trying to figure out why you were so annoyed in the first place, until finally the waitress returning to the table with two cups of water broke you out of your thoughts.

“Alright what can I get you two to drink?”

Once again, her eyes were completely on Jeonghan. You were pretty sure that while she was gone, she had unbuttoned a few of the buttons on her shirt, because the cleavage on her was unbelievable. You rolled your eyes away from her as she spoke.

Jeonghan was listening intently to her, his eyes still on the menu. You decided to speak up at that, interrupting the waitress as she spoke.

“I don’t think we need suggestions on what to eat or drink. We can figure it out on our own,” you snapped. This made Jeonghan glance up from the menu. He gave you an uncertain look and you shrugged innocently and clenched your fingers into fists in your lap. “What? We can.”

He seemed to note that for some reason you were annoyed, and this time he did turn over his attention to the waitress. His eyes didn’t even look at any part of you other than her eyes. He gave her a small smile.

“She’s right.” He continued to speak but watching him talk to the woman made your heart thud in your chest. You reached forward, your fingers brushing against his knees under the table. The waitress didn’t notice and Jeonghan didn’t react to the touch, something that just encouraged you to continue what you were doing. You let your fingers slide up his thigh, glad that the table was so small, and that there was actually a table cloth. Your fingers brushed up against Jeonghan’s crotch and a smile crossed your face when you found that he was rock hard.

You were completely zoned out to what was happening now, instead you were focused on pulling his cock out of his pants. But the minute that you had it out, you felt his foot kick you. You jumped, attracting the waitress's attention, so you smiled sweetly at her. Her eyebrows furrowed in suspicion at your facial expression, but you didn’t let anything too suspicious flicker over your face.

“Alright,” she mumbled. “I’ll be right back with the drinks.”

You once again watched her until she was out of sight, and then you turned to look at the occupants of the tables around you. You didn’t think anyone was looking your way, and since the tablecloth reached so far to the ground here...

You didn’t give yourself time to think over your decision sensibly. You heard Jeonghan start to speak: “Hey what’s going on with-”

And then before he could finish you were dropping to your knees and sliding between his legs under the table. You felt his whole-body tense at the action, but he didn’t really make a move to prevent you from what you knew he knew you were about to do.

So, you simply reached into his pants, pulled out his cock, and slipped the tip of it into your mouth.

“What are you doing?” Jeonghan hissed, his voice coming out deeper than you think he meant it to. Suddenly you understood why he teased you so much in public. Having him so desperate under your grasp but unable to do much about it at the risk of being caught doing something inappropriate was making you so turned on you could hardly stand it.

“Got hungry,” you murmured back. “And I’m too impatient to wait.”

You slipped his cock into your mouth and without any warning at all began to suck it. You weren’t trying to be careful about it. You didn’t mind that being sloppy could ruin your lipstick or could be too loud. Instead you just worked him in and out of your mouth, letting your spit get all over it, dripping down your chin. Your fingers squeezed at the base of his cock, and you watched in amusement as his fingers balled up at his sides.

“The waitress is coming back,” he warned, but you didn’t stop what you were doing. You just continued to suck his cock like you had been. You heard the clack of her heels as she approached the table, stopping right before Jeonghan’s chair. You weren’t sure why you weren’t nervous at all, but you didn’t mind that she was standing right there. You just kept going about your blow job as if you were safe in your own apartment.

“What happened to your girlfriend?” The waitress asked softly. You felt Jeonghan go to respond and just as words began to leave his mouth you sucked his cock all the way into your mouth. Jeonghan skipped over his words, and you heard him choke back a moan as his fingers flew to your hair, holding you still on his cock.

“Ran back to the car to grab something,” he murmured back, his breathing coming in heavier than it was before. You wanted to smile, but with Jeonghan’s cock deep in your throat it wasn’t entirely possible, so you just settled for really enjoying the position that you were in.

“Oh, well then I’ll just ask you for the order. After all you seem like quite the capable man.”

Jeonghan’s fingers didn’t relax in your hair throughout the entire time he ordered. In fact, he didn’t release you until you heard the signature clanking of her shoes as she made her way away from the table, and just when you couldn’t hear her anymore, Jeonghan pulled you up his cock, back down on it, and began to cum deep into your throat.

You moaned enthusiastically around him as his cum spurted down your throat, and it made him loosen his grip on you. You pushed back a bit so that it wasn’t all going down your throat but kept the tip in your mouth until his cock was down spasming in your hand. You grinned and swallowed the cum that was in your mouth, licking long strips up and down his cock to clean it off.

Then, after taking your time cleaning him, you tucked his cock back into his pants and climbed back out from under the table. You smiled at him innocently, ignoring the slightly annoyed post orgasmic expression on his face.

“Is my makeup okay?” You asked him teasingly.

Jeonghan’s facial expression never changed, but as the appetizer’s got set on the table a chill went down your spine. You watched as he looked up at the waitress.

“Thank you,” he said softy. “My girlfriend isn’t feeling very well.”

You looked at Jeonghan with a slightly surprised look, but he completely ignored that action. Instead he gave the waitress a sweet smile, folding his hands on his lap and leaning forward.

“Can you point her to the restroom?” He asked softly. The waitress’s cheeks turned red an action you thought was pretty brazen when she knew that you were on a date with Jeonghan, but you didn’t mention that. Instead you forced a smile on your face and turned your attention to the waitress. She didn’t even look at you and instead just pointed across the restaurant.

“It’s right over there.”

Jeonghan slowly parted his lips, his tongue darting out from his mouth to slowly run along the bottom of his lip. You could feel a tang of jealousy run through your body and you clamped your owns hands together.

“Thank you darling. You mind making sure no one uses the bathroom while I escort her to it? I don’t want her to be alone while she isn’t feeling well,” Jeonghan said softly. The waitress clutched her clipboard to her chest and smiled largely.

“That’s so sweet. Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye out for you.”

Jeonghan hummed and stood up, sending a wink at the woman.

“Thank you, angel.”

He took you by the wrist and gently read you to wear you had initially been directed. As he did you grumbled and gently elbowed him in the side.

“You better have a damn good explanation for-”

Before you could finish speaking Jeonghan had pushed you into the bathroom. You yelped a little and stumbled as he walked through the clean marble bathroom, checking each style. Just as you were about to ask him what he was doing he turned back to you, his fingers grasping at his tie’s knot.

“Knees.”

Your eyebrows shot up in the air almost comedically, as heat pooled in your core at his words.

“Sorry?”

“Get to your damn knees you slut,” he repeated roughly. Jeonghan’s words made you drop down to your knees, an eager an expression spreading over your face. Jeonghan rolled his eyes at that and he unzipped his pants, coming up to you with his tie in one hand.

You opened your mouth to ask him why he was acting like this suddenly when he wrapped his silk tie around your neck, pulling it taughtly .

“You really thought you could just tease me like this and get away with it?” Jeonghan asked you. He pulled his cock out of his pants and smacked it lightly against your cheek.

“You were being such a dirty, dirty little-” He interrupted himself when you looked up at him, and practically choked on his own arousal at the look in his eyes. “Fuck do you even know what you do to me?”

You shook your head innocently and so Jeonghan tugged you again by the tie he had secured around your neck. You gasped at the feeling of the silk fabric sliding against your skin and let out a small whimper.

“J-Jeonghan-”

“I try to take you somewhere nice.”

Jeonghan used his freehand to guide his cock over your lips, spreading precum over them. Your tongue darted out of your mouth to taste the saltiness.

“And what do you do? You give me a blowjob under the table.” He mumbled indignantly. You scoffed.

“You were flirting with that waitress.”

Jeonghan stopped what he was doing to give you an incredulous look, which made you realize how dumb you sounded saying that. He hadn’t flirted with the waitress once all night except to get you guys into the bathroom. Other than that, he had been practically ignoring her- all of his attention had been on you all evening.

“Okay, I was jealous for no reason,” you relinquished. Jeonghan seemed to find that satisfying and he pulled you up by the makeshift leash.

“I hate to ruin this sexy outfit,” he murmured. He pushed you over the counter of the bathroom and a gasp escaped your body. You reached forward to steady yourself against the mirror as Jeonghan drew up your skirt. “But I think someone needs to be reminded of who I like to fuck the most.”

Jeonghan lined his cock up with your now dripping wet pussy, and his tip teased at your folds. As he did so he tugged the tie tighter around your neck, making you choke a little bit.

“Now scream for me.”

Jeonghan shoved his cock deep into your pussy and you let out a loud moan as he buried himself deep inside of you. He held for a moment, keeping himself balls deep buried inside of you, waiting for you to adjust against his length. He didn’t move or say a word- Just waited until you hit the counter twice and pressed back against.

“J-Jeonghan,” you whimpered. He began to tug on the tie to bring you back against his cock, meeting each pull with a hard thrust of his own. From this angle his cock was able to push impossibly deep into your body, and it felt like it was filling you impossibly full. You could barely contain the hics of moans at every thrust.

Your eyes rolled back as you tried to keep yourself steady on the marble counter, but it was nearly impossible with how hard Jeonghan was pushing into you. You couldn’t help but lose yourself in the action, and as he fucked you his fingers curved around your body, dipping into your dress.

He pinched your tits, making you let out a broken gasp, your head falling forward against the glass. This only encouraged Jeonghan.

“You’re sensitive today,” he mumbled. He tightened his grip around your tit and pulled it out from over your dress, and then he did the same with the other one. He pulled tightly on the tie, pulling you up against his chest and wrapped his arm around your throat so that he could stare at you in the mirror. He grinned.

“Look at that, can you see me fucking you?”

Your eyes lowered down to your pussy, and you about came on the spot when you saw how it was spread out over his cock. Jeonghan kept his grip tight on you, and his other hand lowered to your clit as he fucked you.

“Is this what you were hoping for when you got under the table? Wanted me to get so fucking turned on I couldn’t do anything but fuck you?” Jeonghan asked. You didn’t bother formulating an answer. You knew that wasn’t really want he wanted. You instead turned your head, your lips pressing against the side of his face sloppily. He grunted.

“Yeah, this is exactly what you wanted me to do. So, you better watch as I pump cum down your tight little pussy,” he grumbled. You felt your own orgasm coming and you tightened your walls around him, blindly squeezing your fingers into fists as your side.

“Y-Yes. Pl-Pl-”

Jeonghan pushed his cock deeper and harder into you, pushing you over the edge before you could really say anything. You cried out against his mouth as you came harder on his cock. You expected him to cum at the same time as you did, but instead he just fucked you even harder, his fingers playing with your clit faster as he fucked you.

Your pussy burned at his touch, but the anticipation of him feeling you with his cum, and just... Using you to do that was so appealing to you that you couldn’t bear to tell him to stop. Instead you just brokenly murmured his name in his ear, unable to help wrapping your hand around his wrist as he played with your clit.

“I’m s-so sensitive.”

As soon as the words left your mouth you felt Jeonghan’s cock explode inside of you, pumps and pumps of cum leaving it and making your pussy feel even more full then it had before. You must have gotten too loud for Jeonghan at this point because he covered your lips with his own, moaning as he did so.

When you finally stopped making noise around him, he pulled his fingers from your clit and pushed you back down over the counter. He pressed his hand on your back and fucked into you again, pushing his cum deeper and deeper into you. You thought that he was done fucking you, and honestly you hadn’t imagined that you had anything left in you.

But then Jeonghan leaned forward and murmured.

“Cum again.”

And you were suddenly doing just as he had asked. As he fucked you through that orgasm you felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes, but it was only a few, and it was in complete and utter pleasure at being fucked in such a way.

Finally, your thighs stopped shaking and Jeonghan’s cock slipped from your body. Your body heaved against the countertop, and your eyes fluttered shut. You sort of just wanted to fall asleep right there, and let Jeonghan worry about the rest of the evening but after hearing Jeonghan fumble with his pants and run the water, a cold paper towel was pressed to your sensitive pussy.

“Stop,” you whined but Jeonghan ignored you as he cleaned you off. His touch was gentle, and his fingers almost made you feel better as they resecured you in your dress. Finally, he lifted you up and sat you down on the counter so that he could take a different paper towel to your face. As he cleaned your makeup up, he didn’t look you directly in the eyes, so you watched him in silence instead.

It only took him about a minute before finally his eyes met yours and he gave you a small smile.

“There we go. Almost can’t tell that I just fucked you.”

You hummed.

“Shame. Kinda wanted that waitress to know.”

Jeonghan snickered and untied his tie from around your neck. As his fingers brushed gently over your skin, you smiled.

“Jeonghan. I love you.”

His eyes darted up to yours in complete surprise at the words. You watched as his adam’s apple bobbed nervously in his throat and his fingers hesitated to touch you again. You felt your own breathing stop as you waited for what he would do next.

Maybe leave you in the bathroom at the sudden confession? Never speak to you again?

“Are you serious?” His words broke through your thoughts like cinder blocks. You nodded and swallowed hard.

“Deadly.”

A tentative smile crossed his lips at that, and you watched as his body physically relaxed.

“I love you too.”

Your heart pounded.

“Now let’s get you out of here.”

-

Your fingers wrapped around Jeonghan’s as you two made your way into the theatre. You were really excited that you were finally going to see that movie you were supposed to be seeing with Joshua ages ago (even if it sort of felt wrong to watch it without Joshua).

Jeonghan gestured towards the snack bar.

“Hey, do you want any-”

But what Jeonghan said after that you didn’t hear a word of. Your eyes instead caught sight of Joshua, standing in the middle of the theatre not far from you. Mina was somewhere behind him, looking at her phone completely clueless to the fact that you two were looking at one another.

You swallowed hard.

He looked just the same as you remembered him, except that he had dyed his hair at some point blonde. You rolled your eyes. He had been wanting to do so for ages, but you had insisted he shouldn’t because it would make him stand out too much in a crowd.

He must’ve done it just to spite you after the argument.

“Yeah, can you grab us some popcorn? I think I’m going to find a restroom,” you said distractedly to Jeonghan. He hadn’t noticed Joshua yet- you figured that was a good thing and your fingers slipped from his.

When you turned back around Joshua was standing in front of you, a hand on the back of his neck.

“Let me guess-”

“John Wick: Chapter Three,” you both spoke in unison. You laughed and pushed your hands into your back pockets, a smile crossing your lips at being with your friend again. Even if-

“Look, I don’t hate you.”

You felt your heart skip a beat at the words.

“You... Don’t?” You asked softly.

“No,” Joshua said with a sigh. “I mean I really wanted to, and you and Jeonghan’s relationship in the bedroom is-” He coughed. “Intense. But you were right. It wasn’t really any of my business what you two were doing.”

“I still should have told you,” you insisted. “I mean come on, you’re my best friend. I should’ve known that I could rely on you.”

Joshua waved it off.

“I’ve been with Mina so long I probably would have reacted just as badly. I don’t understand casual relationships. It wasn’t a good situation for you. I understand, and... I’m sorry for saying what I said.”

“It’s okay,” you replied back, but before you could say more Joshua was speaking again.

“It’s not. You shouldn’t feel too ashamed to tell me about your relationships. I’m not your dad. I won’t ever react like that again- I promise.”

Joshua reached forward, his fingers brushing against yours. You smiled and didn’t hesitate to intertangle your fingers with his, pulling him into a hug.

“Joshua- I missed you so much,” you murmured softly as you buried your face in his chest. At first Joshua seemed shocked by the touch, but after only moments his hands tightened their grip on you.

“I missed you too,” he whispered.

You two were only hugging there for only a moment when you heard someone clear their throat beside you two. You didn’t break the hug assuming that the person wasn’t referring to you guys which only made them sigh.

“Should I be jealous?” “If you’re jealous, I should be jealous as well,” Mina’s voice added. You heard a laugh erupt from Joshua’s chest and you both peeled away from one another. You were going to rest your head on Joshua’s shoulder, but you saw the look in Jeonghan’s eyes and thought better of it.

Despite the fact that you knew that he wouldn’t say anything and also knew that you weren’t interested in Joshua at all, you saw a spark of annoyance in his eyes. You rolled your own and peeled away from Joshua. You held your hand out to Jeonghan, waiting for him to take it and pull you close. He took the bait and looked at Joshua.

“So, does this mean...?”

“They’ve made up,” Mina replied softly, wrapping her arms around you. “And we’re all here to see the same movie, so we’re going to sit together.”

Joshua chuckled at the assumption.

“You really think that-”

Mina interrupted Joshua by setting a small kiss to his lips. Which he smiled at.

“You know what’s good about Jeonghan dating you?”

Joshua’s eyes flickered over to you, and your cheeks turned red slightly.

“What?” You asked him softly. He chuckled.

“Double dates!” Joshua and Mina high-fived and it made your heart swell a bit in excitement. When you had gotten up this morning- honestly thoughts of having Joshua by your side again were zero to none. But here he was standing right in front of you acting like nothing had ever happened.

Jeonghan squeezed your hand.

“I don’t have to actually go on any double dates, do I?”

You rolled your eyes.

“We’re dating now,” you replied. “Of course, you do.”

Mina and Joshua laughed at that, and Jeonghan smiled at the action.

“Well, we still have to get our snacks for the movie. Will you guys meet us in there?”

Mina and Joshua both shrugged Joshua’s fingers dropping to grasp at Mina’s hand.

“Yeah that sounds like a good idea. See you in a few.”

Jeonghan waved Mina and Joshua off, but you had different thoughts. You started to pull after them, hoping that you could get Jeonghan to get the snacks while you went and caught up with your friends, but he tugged you back in an instant.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He asked you. You were about to tell him, when you looked up at him and stopped in your tracks.

Jeonghan was looking at you, eyes lidded, his fingers tightening around you. You scoffed at the sight.

“Jeonghan, are you...” You trailed off. “Turned on?”

He snickered.

“Oh baby, I’m always turned on,” he murmured back. He started to pull you towards the restrooms, and you sucked in a breath, trying to sound indignant.

“Really Jeonghan? The movie theatre bathrooms again?” You asked him. He glanced both ways before dragging you inside. He didn’t ask you any questions as he popped you right onto the counter. “Same spot as last time. You’re so sentimental.”

“I’m hoping to create a tradition with my gorgeous, very fuckable significant other.”

You let a small huff escape your lips.

“It is not sexy to fuck in a movie theatre bathroom,” you protested. Jeonghan rose an eyebrow towards you and lifted the hem of your dress. He glanced beneath it and smiled widely.

“And yet... Someone is missing underwear.”

You felt a dark blush rushing up your neck, and without even being asked you spread your legs for Jeonghan. You let your eyes dropped to the counter and you nervously reached your hand under your skirt, your fingertips dipping between your wet folds.

“And I’m a little wet too,” you whispered softly. Jeonghan let out a choked moan and his fingers wrapped around your thighs tightly.

“Maybe you should show me,” he murmured, his voice deep. You swallowed hard, trying to hide your embarrassment as you slowly began to ease a single finger into your pussy. You gasped as you pushed the digit into your body, and the action made Jeonghan’s lips curled up into a smile.

“Oh, I want to be inside of that pussy so badly baby,” he murmured softly. “You look so tight... Like you really, really want me inside of you. Do you want me inside of you?”

You bit back a whine and instead nodded your head slowly. You continued to ease the finger in and out of your body, your thighs shaking as you did so.

“I do,” you whispered shakily. He hummed and his lips brushed against your thigh.

“Do you really?” He asked you, clearly not believing you in the least. You tried to squirm beneath Jeonghan but his grip on your thighs was tight. So tight that you could feel bruises forming beneath his fingers.

“Please, Jeonghan, I need you so badly,” you whispered, your breath beginning to come out in soft pants. You pushed a second finger into your pussy and spread them out so that Jeonghan could see you better. Jeonghan seemed amused by such a desperate action and his teeth nipped at your thigh. It sent another wave of arousal through you and you began to fuck yourself on your two fingers. You kept your actions slow, only holding back because you knew that when Jeonghan did fuck you it would be nice and hard.

“Hmm.”

Jeonghan’s fingers left your thigh and he reached forward. He stilled your hand with his hand and pulled it out of you. He pulled your hand close to his face, and he slowly wrapped his lips around your wet digits. You whined and basically felt your walls clenching in anticipation of what he would do next.

Jeonghan finished sucking your liquids off of his fingers and then he slowly rose back up to his full height. Your eyes flicked back to him and you opened your mouth to speak but before you could Jeonghan grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you over to one of the stall’s in the very back of the restroom. He locked it behind you two, and then unzipped his pants, pulling his cock out of it.

He hiked you up, pressing your back against the stall wall.

“Guess what time it is?” He murmured.

And just at that, the door opened, and you could hear people flooding into the restroom. You looked at Jeonghan with wide eyes when you realized that a movie must’ve just gotten out and that Jeonghan had timed this occasion to the tee.

Before you could say a word, he began to slide his cock into you, and you felt your mind go blank with pleasure. You gripped at Jeonghan’s shirt desperately, burying your face into his neck so that you weren’t loud.

Once Jeonghan was buried all the way inside of you he raised his head to brush his lips against your ear.

“This okay?” He whispered. You nodded, but still Jeonghan didn’t move. You rolled your eyes.

“Just fucking fuck, me already Jeonghan,” you whispered as quietly as you could.

At that Jeonghan’s fingers tightened on your hips and he began to slide you up and down on his cock. You could hear the people outside, going in and out of stalls, washing their hands at the sink, chatting with one another about who was the most attractive male lead in the movie.

Knowing that you were letting Jeonghan fuck you in a bathroom stall with people all around you should have made you feel absolutely disgusted. You knew that most people would’ve like behind fucked like this, and yet, you couldn’t help it.

You clenched your thighs around Jeonghan’s waist, letting muffled whimpers leave you as he fucked you. You couldn’t help it. You loved being fucked like this. The thrill of getting caught only made you wetter and wetter and more desperate to cum- the fact that the only think that kept people from knowing what you two were doing was the fact that you were muffling yourself was even hotter, and the thought that if someone got close enough to your stall and really listened they would know exactly what you two were doing made you completely desperate.

“Please Jeonghan,” you hissed into his body, tightening your walls around him as he bounced you hard on his cock. “Please, please please. I want to cum.”

“You want to cum?” Jeonghan responded back, his voice so soft it sent shivers through your body. “What a dirty little slut you are? What if someone hears? Are you really turned on by this?”

You whined into Jeonghan’s body, lifting your head up as he hit a spot deep inside of your body. Your hand flew over your mouth and you bit down on the back of your hand.

“Oh, you are turned on by this,” he teased. His voice was even but his thrusts were becoming more and more erratic. You began to roll your hips, helping to drag him closer to an orgasm as you did so.

“Please,” you whispered softly. “Cum. ‘Want your cum.”

Jeonghan pulled back his head and smashed his lips over yours. As he began to slam his hips into you, he reached down, his fingers clumsily rubbing at your clit. The muffled noises of you both cumming felt like they echoed throught the bathroom, but you didn’t really care as you came down from the feeling.

Your chest heaved and you pressed your sweaty forehead to Jeonghan’s. You felt your body shake under his grasp, but he didn’t let you go, and instead he turned you both so that he could lean his back against the stall door in support. You let out a shaky breath at the action and began to play with the strands of his hair on the back of his head.

“You’ve got to stop fucking me in bathrooms,” you said, a breathy laugh on your lips as you spoke. Jeonghan’s own lips formed a sloppy smile.

“And why would I do that when you like it so much?”

You couldn’t help but think that was pretty flawless logic.

-

“Hey,” you greeted as you slid into the seat next to Joshua. He smiled in greeting at you and then turned his attention to Jeonghan, his eyebrows furrowing slightly.

“Hey,” he replied. “What happened to getting snacks?”

Your mouth dropped open and you tried to come up with some sort of believable excuse for why you two had come back after such a long period of time without snacks, but before you could Jeonghan let out a snort.

“Don’t worry. I had a little snack before we came.”

Joshua’s eyes widened in realization at what you two had been doing and his face contorted into disgust, his mouth falling open.

“At the movie theatre?” He hissed suddenly. Jeonghan laughed.

“Oh, trust me it isn’t the first time.”

You buried your face into your hands and tried not to scream in embarrassment.

Final Part

[queenlua]

You're a druid and an ex-evangelical, right? What does being a druid mean to you? How did you get from evangelicalism to where you are now? And of course feel free to ignore this if it's nosy. (sincerely, a Christian who wants to leave but who doesn't know what to do)

this is going to make me sound ignorant as hell, lol, but i'm happy to share

under a cut because this got very long, sorry, lol.

my personal progression was: "vaguely christian -> VERY christian -> christian agnostic -> agnostic/atheist -> agnostic/druid -> some sorta druid-neopagan-animist thing."  i guess i'll just go through what made me switch between each of those, and close out with some high-level thoughts that may be helpful for you?

okay, so when i was

VAGUELY CHRISTIAN,

i went to Sunday school every week because That's What You Do, and because my whole hometown was very southern Baptist, i never questioned the veracity of its teachings much... until they ran a whole weekly series on "why [x] is wrong," where [x] is some other group

e.g., we had a week on why Mormons are wrong, and i didn't bat an eye because i hadn't even known Mormons existed until that moment

then we had a week on why Muslims are wrong, and that... bothered me, because i had a friend who was Muslim, and she was just objectively a better person than me, and i was like "any universe where she goes to hell and i don't seems really fucked up"

then we had a week on why EVOLUTION was wrong, and that just absolutely threw me, because while i hadn't thought about evolution much (i think i was in fourth grade or so), it seemed common-sense? scientists thought highly of it? "adaptation over time" just seems logical?

so i went to the public library every day after school for like a week, read some Darwin and some science books, and came back to my Sunday school teacher with, like, an itemized list of objections to the whole "evolution is wrong" thing.  and he came up with some standard Answers In Genesis rebuttals, and i did more research and came back the next week with more science, and we repeated this a few times until he was like "lua, you just gotta take some things on faith"

which.  lmao.  full existential crisis time, because no matter how hard i thought, i couldn't *not* believe in the science, but i also didn't want to go to hell, so i was like "maybe if i believe SUPER HARD i will SOMEDAY be able to unbelieve the condemn-me-to-hell bits"

so i decided to become

VERY CHRISTIAN

and my frantic googling for shit like "proof of god" and "god and evolution" *eventually* broke me out of the Answers In Genesis circles of the internet, and into some decent Christian apologia, like, think First Things and various Catholic bloggers.  and there, i found some way to square my gut sense that evolution was right, with a spiritual worldview.

like, i remember finding some blogger who said:

"young earth creationists get tripped up when they try to explain stars that are millions of light-years away, and end up basically arguing that God's tricking us somehow, and—no!  my God lets you believe in the evidence of your eyes, my God does not demand that you make yourself ignorant or stupid, my God expects you to use your brain"

and i just started crying at my computer, because no one had ever said "using your brain is Good and part of God's will," i was like *finally* here's someone who won't tell me i'm going to hell for just *thinking* about things

(st. augustine does a much better riff on a similar theme, fwiw, but i only found him later)

still, it was an uneasy fit, because, the more i learned and read about world history, the more it seemed... weird... that the One And Singular Path To Salvation was... the successor to some niche desert cult... which didn't even occur at the *beginning* of written history, like, it was all predated by that whole Mithraism thing, etc... and like, sure, i could trot out all the standard theological talking points for why Actually This Makes Perfect Sense, but gut-level-wise, the aesthetics just seemed kinda dumb!  and no level of talking myself out of it made that feeling go away!

so at this point i started referring to myself as a

CHRISTIAN AGNOSTIC

i mean, not aloud.  i still lived in southernbaptistopia and i didn't want, like, my hair stylist to tell me i was a horrible person.  but in my *head* i called myself Christian agnostic and it felt right.

and i started church-hopping, which honestly was really fun, would recommend to anyone at any point.  i visited the fire-and-brimstone baptist church, the methodist church, the episcopalians, the universal unitarians, etc.

unfortunately, while this gave me *some* new perspectives, each of the places either had the same shitty theology as my old megachurch (i remember the *acute* sense of despair i felt when i was starting to jive with a methodist church... only for the dumbass youth minister to start going on about evolution), or, they just lacked any sense of the *sacred*.  like, the Church of Christ churches, with their a capella services, *definitely* had it; i felt more God there in one service than i did in a lifetime of shitty Christian rock at the megachurch.  but their beliefs were even *more* batshit, so.  big L on that one.

having failed to find a satisfactory church, i was basically

AGNOSTIC/ATHEIST

by the time i went to college, but honestly pretty unhappy about it; while it was harder than ever for me to actually *connect* with the divine, i didn't like thinking that my previous experiences of the divine were total lies.  because my shitty evangelical church, for all its faults, could not *completely* sabotage the sense of God's presence.  there were real moments in that church where i do believe i experienced something divine.  mostly mediated by one particular youth minister, who in hindsight was the only spiritual teacher in that church who didn't seem a bit rotten inside, but!  it was something!

so when i happened upon a bunch of writings on the now-defunct shii.org (that's the bit that makes me look WILDLY ignorant, lol), i was utterly captivated.

said author was a previous archdruid of the Reformed Druids of North America, an organization that was formed in the 1960s to troll the administration of Carleton College (there was a religious-service-attendance requirement; they made their own religion; their religion had whiskey and #chilltimes for its services).  however, this shii.org dude seemed to take it pretty seriously.  he was studying history of religion and blogged a lot about his studies, both academic and otherwise.  while RDNA had started out as a troll, that didn't mean they hadn't *discovered* something real in the process, he said.

this, already, was going to be innately appealing to me; i've got a soft spot for wow-we-were-doing-this-ironically-but-now-it's-kinda-real? stuff in general.

in particular, shii.org’s discussions on the separation of ritual from belief was really interesting to me: most religions/spiritualities have *both*, but like, you can do a ritual without having the Exact Right Beliefs (if there even is such a thing!), and it can still be useful to you, it can have real power.  (he had a really lovely essay, speculating on the origins of religion as just a form of art, but that essay is now lost to the sands of time, alas.)

(note that i wouldn't really recommend seeking out *recent* writing by the shii.org guy; he kinda went full tedious neoreactionary-blowhard-who-reads-a-lot-of-Spengler at some point?  sigh.)

the shii.org guy led me to checking out a bunch of books on the history of neopaganism & also books by scholars of religion in general, and the more i read, the more excited i became.  and i started doing little ritual/meditation stuff here and there.

then i was fortunate enough to attend some events with Earthspirit (this was when i lived in Boston), which cemented my hippie dalliances into something more real.  the folks there, being from Boston, were all ridiculously overeducated (a sensibility that appeals to me), but also, being the kind of folks who drive out to a mountain in the middle of nowhere for a spiritual retreat, they tolerated a full range of oddities (everyone from aging-70s-feminist-wiccans to living-on-a-farm-with-your-bros-Astaru to dude-who-started-having-weird-visions-and-is-just-trying-to-figure-out-the-deal to Nordic-spiritualist-with-two-phds-from-Scandanavian-universities-on-the-subject, etc), which gave me a lot of room to explore different types of rituals, ceremonies, "magic", etc.

(polytheism in general lends itself well to this sort of easy plurality!  i can believe other people are experiencing something real with their gods, and i can be talking to a totally different set of gods, and that’s just all very compatible, etc)

anyway, i started calling myself

AGNOSTIC/DRUID

around then, because i knew i'd found *something*, something that felt like all the realest moments i'd ever had in nature, and all the realest moments i'd ever had in that shitty megachurch, but i wasn't quite ready to put a theology to it.

but, idk, you do the thing for a while, and you start encountering some things that you may as well call gods, and you realize you're in pretty deep, and you ditch the "agnostic" bit and just throw hands and start describing yourself as

SOME SORTA DRUID-NEOPAGAN-ANIMIST THING

because that's the most precise thing you can muster.  in particular, the druid bit resonates because nature's still very much at the center of my practice; the neopagan bit resonates because i'm not especially interested in reconstructing older traditions or being faithful to any actual pre-Christian traditions, and animist resonates because what i sometimes call gods seem to be tied pretty tightly to the land itself.  it's all very experiential; all this mostly means i'm some weird chick who sometimes grabs a car and drives out someplace very lonely and hikes for a while and does some hippie shit to try and talk with the land or the god or whatever is there.  and sometimes i come back from it changed, or refocused, or what-have-you, and hopefully i'm better for it.  i'm aware this makes me look a little ridiculous, and is an unsatisfying answer, sorry!

WRT YOUR SITUATION

i don't know you or your situation, obviously, but if i wanted to give former-me some advice to save her some angst, i'd say

-> Christendom itself is far wilder and more diverse than many churches lead you to believe.  if you still want to be Christian on some level, and it's just a shitty church that's convinced you the whole project is fucked, i'd honestly explore, i dunno, your nearest Quaker meeting.  they're invoking the Holy Spirit with regularity but they're not raging douchenozzles about it.

-> if you're specifically interested in druidism, i found John Michael Greer's "A World Full of Gods" really nice.  (caveat: Greer has *also* gone full right-wing nutjob these days, sigh, so like.  would not recommend a great swath of his writing.  but that one's good)

-> deciding that a just God wouldn't give me a brain and then ask me not to use it was hugely comforting to me.  like, that was the start of the whole process, that was what made me feel ok searching for other churches and trying to find something that fit.  obviously you should take this with 800 grains of salt, because obviously i'm no longer Christian, and thus maybe i'm just some poor misguided fallen soul, but... i still kinda believe that!  maybe if you can make yourself believe that, it'll seem less scary?

idk, happy to answer more questions, sorry for the long ramble, hope it helped~

[yurissweettooth]

Yay For 10 Years!🎉🎉

*Psst, click the image for higher quality!*

I have zero shame in saying that this show (and all related media) has changed my whole life in so many ways! I’m also not shy about the fact that my heart belongs to Yuri (I think he's so cool!) so of course he was the obvious choice for who do draw and write a short, light hearted fic about (which you can read below the cut!)💚💙

I hope everyone has had a lot of fun on this day!

“Let’s see here… Kotetsu Kaburagi damage report… Kotetsu Kaburagi damage report… Kotetsu Kaburagi... damage report…” Yuri exhaled, massaging the bridge of his nose in exasperation as he leafed through a mountain of crinkled, coffee stained documents. It was of little to no surprise that the pile of paperwork that had been left on his desk while he was away on his lunch break could mostly be attributed to the more reckless half of Sternbild’s prized crime fighting duo. With  a sigh Yuri lifted the receiver of his phone, intending to politely  remind Tiger once again not to use his paperwork as a coaster. However,  before he could dial the number it had begun to ring.

“Justice department, Yuri Petrov speaking.” he answered, suppressing his annoyance and replacing it with his usual polite tone.

“Good afternoon Mr. Petrov, it’s Agnes. As you might be aware, today is the ten year anniversary of the Justice Tower’s remodeling.” She explained.

“Remodeling?”

“Yes. Ten years ago today all of the walls were repainted and appliances replaced to give it a more modern look to reflect a new era of Heroes.” She stated, as if that really explained anything at all.

“That is quite lovely to hear Ms. Joubert. The paint is, uh, a very nice color.” he stated politely, not even sparing a glance at the boring grey walls that surrounded him.

“Look, you don’t have to flatter me, I couldn’t care less about the paint color either. The sponsors are complaining that the returns on their investments are decreasing so we need to drum up some interest and we need to do it fast. Anything can be a reason to celebrate if you look at it right way, right? I mean, do you have any better ideas?”

“Ms. Joubert, I’m merely a judge… I apologize, but I don’t see what this has to do with me.”

“Yes, precisely! You’re a judge, bringer of justice, upholder of the law!” she passionately proclaimed “Apollon media stands for justice, as such it’s only natural that we feature a man of true justice like yourself..”

Yuri elicits a sound of smug approval and leans back in his chair “Well, I suppose when you word it in that way I may be able to see your point.”

“Fantastic! So, of course our main heroes are our star attraction, our second league heroes are a nice side dish, but you’re probably somewhere right below that when it comes to your importance in delivering justice. ”

“Oh… is that so?” Yuri asked as his briefly amused tone fell flat at her backhanded remark. Was she trying to insult him?

“Precisely.” she said as though she believed she had just bestowed upon him the complement of the century. “I was thinking, in a way you’re kind of like a minor hero yourself so maybe we could spin it as something like a ‘Meet Sternbild’s Hidden Heroes!’ segment. Of course we’ll save all the big questions for our real heroes but maybe at some point we could get your perspective on what you think of the decor of the tower and what it’s like to be a judge.”

As he began to feel the backs of his eyes grow warm he made the quick decision to end the call there before he lost his composure. “Agnes, you always have incredible ideas and I wish you all the best with pursuing that. Thank you for the information, I'll think it over. I’ll be returning to my paperwork now but please don’t hesitate to contact me again when you are in need of further assistance.”

“Oh, you're doing paperwork? In that case, this is actually a great opportunity. Stay put and act natural, I’ll be there in just a minute with the supplies and the film crew.” Agnes made a point of hanging up quickly before he even got the chance to protest.

Just as she’d promised, Agnes and her posse were barging into his office and shoving cameras in his face before he’d even been able to sign off on the first document. She wasted no time in bounding right up to his desk, turning towards the camera.

“Would you look at that, Sternbild’s very own Judge Yuri Petrov, hard at work as usual!” She gracefully spun around and held the microphone out to him “So tell us Yuri, what are you working on currently?”

He pursed his lips, just barely masking his disapproval. He had never been one for interviews, especially not while presenting simply as Judge Petrov, so he figured it best just to blurt out a few simple answers and get it over with quickly. “Well you see, Wild Tiger has again destroyed more property in one week than a group of delinquents could in their entire lifetime." He motioned to the papers in front of him "As you can see, I have a lot of damage reports that I need to-.”

It was rather frightening how suddenly Agnes was able to snap out of her charming, professional mode. “Hey! Take your job seriously!” she shouted, slamming her hands against his desk. “You’re supposed to say ‘Heh heh, I’m sure you would love to know but that’s confidential.’ and wink at the camera or something like that.”

“You’re right, my apologies." Yuri said. He tucked a lock of his hair behind his ears, shuffled his papers, and started again. Sorry, I can’t tell you what I’m working on as doing so would violate the code outlined in article 371 B of the Sternbild judic-”

“Ugh, forget it, moving on. Ahem, soooo Mr. Petrov, why don’t you tell us a little bit about what led you to become a judge and why serving justice is so important to you.”

“Ah, well that one is simple.” he said, putting on the vaguest semblance of a friendly smile “I believe that justice is important.”

Agnes nodded her head, the microphone still pointed at him for a moment longer. That is, until the moment passed without him saying anything else. “I-is that all?”

“I’m not sure what else can really be said on the topic.” he stated matter-of-factly.

“Jeez, who hired this guy…” she muttered. “Well, can you at least tell me what you think of the new penholders?”

“Aren’t these from ten years ago?”

“Well they’re newer to you because you only started working here just within the past two years.”

“Mm, I see… but couldn’t the same have been said for the pen holders that were here before the renovation if they were still here now? Does being new to me really make them new?”

Agnes lowered the microphone and gave him a look that would make even Lunatic tremble in fear. “Alright, I had hoped we could avoid it but you’ve left me no choice but to resort to plan B.”

The words “plan B” didn’t leave the most pleasant feeling in Yuri’s gut and, for a moment, he almost considered interjecting and asking to restart the interview. However, Agnes already had her mind made up and was knocking his paperwork and carefully arranged pens aside to make room for a large box displaying the company logo. She rifled through the contents, producing a large cupcake bearing red and green candles in the shape of the number ten among other various party related items.

“Bring it in.” Agnes motioned her crew closer to get a better shot as she rounded the corner of his desk and placed a large, blue and green party hat on his head, pressing it down to try and make it sit smoothly atop his curly hair. “You like these colors, right?” she asked, as if the colors were what might be wrong with this.

“Well, yes but…” he started, but she silenced him with a simple wave of her hand.

“Alright, great. Here, put this in your mouth.” she said, shoving a party blowout, rather reminiscent of Sky High's suit, towards his lips “Try not to get any lipstick on it, we need to reuse this for next year.”

“May I ask why you are making me do this?” Yuri asked, his resolve wavering.

“I’ve decided we’re doing a magazine interview instead. I’ll write out all of your answers for you, we just need a few photos of you to accompany them. Now, pretend like you’re having fun!” she reached back into the box, grabbed a handful of confetti, and sprinkled the colored paper over his head. “Cain, go go go!” she instructed, hoping not to have to waste all of their confetti on just one shoot.

Yuri complied, albeit begrudgingly, but only because it seemed to be the only way to put an end to this save for burning the place down. He gave her the smile she requested, posed with the cake, and shuffled his papers around a few more times to make it look like he had been working.

“Alright, that’s a wrap.” Agnes said at last “This should be enough to work with." She said as she began to pick what confetti she could from Yuri’s hair and place it back into the box.

“Ms. Joubert, I must ask, will something like this really be helpful to our image?” Yuri sighs.

Agnes closes up the box and sets it on the floor beside his desk.“Well, it will be interesting, that’s for sure.” she answered vaguely, “Thanks for your time, I think I can use what I got. I saw you eyeing it so you can keep the cake as compensation, just have the other stuff back to me by this evening.” She had already turned to leave before another thought popped into her head “Oh, and Yuri?”

Yuri, rather reluctantly, looked up with a questioning look. He prayed it wasn't another weird question or dumb photo idea.

“Maybe try to be a bit more cheerful sometimes, with an attitude like that people are going to start thinking you hate heroes or something. Plus, you actually look sort of pleasant when you’re smiling and having fun, even if you're just faking.” she shrugged. “Anyway, I’ll have a copy of the issue on your desk when it comes out.” she said, waving her crew after her and closing the door behind them.

Yuri, now alone in his trashed office, exhaled a sigh of relief at her departure. “I suppose the public wouldn’t be too pleased if they thought their judge hated heroes.” he remarks to himself as his glowing fingertips make contact with the candle wicks and set them alight. Once his hand had cooled he brushed it across the surface of his desk and collected the remaining confetti, repeating Agnes’s words from their phone call earlier about how anything can be a reason to celebrate. He took the stack of papers and shoved it into the bottom drawer of his desk. In a swift movement he sat back and tossed the confetti into the air above his head in celebration of ,what he just decided, was going to be a well deserved and much needed day off. As the scraps of paper rained down on him he recalled  her other words and smiled to himself.

[duhragonball]

Disinterpretation

I finally finished the Sarah Z video about “pro vs. anti”.   It’s pretty long, and I ended up watching it in chunks over several days, but I think it’s worth watching, especially if you’re sort of partially connected to online fandom, but not enough to be aware of all the lingo. 

As I expected, the whole thing was vague and confusing because the people involved in the conflict made it vague and confusing.   In theory, the full terms would be “pro-shipping” and “anti-shipping”, but it seems like it’s more about particular kinds of ships that could be considered controversial.  But that’s a slippery slope, and apparently the whole conflict mutated into both sides deciding that every hypothetical relationship between fictional characters is either equally valid or equally dangerous.  

Long story short, it’s just purity culture, which was what everyone on Tumblr was calling it around 2012.  But now, if you’re a sane person who genuinely asks: “Who gives a fuck about Voltron?”, these people will jump your ass and accuse you of being on the side of their enemies.  “Children have died over the importance of Lotor/Hagger!   Your callous indifference proves that you yourself must have murdered children!” 

I think what Sarah Z really hit upon in this video was that media consumption has become so ingrained in our culture that people feel like it has to go hand-in-hand with our morality.   That is, it’s not enough for me to watch Star Trek, I have to justify Star Trek as evidence that I’m a good person.  Maybe this is where the expression “guilty pleasure” comes from.   Conversely, it’s not enough for me to not watch Dr. Who, I have to somehow convince everyone that Dr. Who was invented by the devil.

I’m pretty sure the Reylo ship has a lot to do with this, since it’s kind of understood to be a dark, problematic concept, and fans either embrace its flaws or recoil in horror because of them.   Star Wars itself is a dumb story about space wizards, so people try to give the debate more weight by linking it to freedom of self expression and/or enabling real world harm.   Suddenly it’s not enough to just think two actors would look cute making out instead of fighting.   Now it’s this battlefield for the soul of civilization or something.

I grew up in the 80′s, when “concerned parents” and grifters would accuse the Smurfs and metal bands of promoting satanism and witchcraft.   I used to hear stories of teens going out into the woods in the middle of the night to do occult stuff, and all I could ever think about was: “Why would anyone bother wandering out in the woods in the middle of the night?”  Which is why “concerned parents” turned their attention to things that were closer to home, like Saturday morning cartoons.   It had nothing to do with the content; it was just about finding a safe, accessible target for their hysteria.   Some people want to go on a crusade without leaving the house, so they pick a fight with Papa Smurf instead of confronting the real evils in the world.  Even as a kid, I knew this was a con, because I’d watched the show for myself and knew it was too saccharine to be threat to anyone.

The pro/anti folks have tried to disguise this with a lot of terminology.   I wondered why they seemed to reluctant to use the full terms “pro-shipper” and “anti-shipper”, and it’s probably a couple of things.   First, the word “shipper” is basically an admission that this is pointless bullshit that doesn’t matter, and they’d like to avoid that connotation.   Second, they seem to have decided that this goes beyond shipping itself, into practically anything else they want it to involve.  It’s all part of the con, which is to make you believe that it’s “us vs. them”, and you can be part of “us” by curating specific attitudes about Steven Universe.

Seriously, “about Steven Universe” is such an incredible punchline.  You can make anything funnier by adding those three words to the end of a sentence.   “Do not interact if you blog about Steven Universe.”   “Hey, what’s up, YouTube, this is SSJ3RyokoLover69, and this is going to be kind of a serious video about Steven Universe.”   “Mrs. Johnson, the results of your biopsy are in, and I have some bad news about Steven Universe.”   It’s a fucking kids show.   “Oh no, all the characters look like the characters in all the other kids shows!”   Yeah, that’s because it’s a kids show.   Marvin looks like Garfield, this isn’t new.

The common denominator here seems to be that both sides try to wrap themselves in the flag of vulnerable groups: impressionable minors, trauma survivors, harassment victims, etc.   The “pros” want to protect those people so that they can feel free to explore weird subject matter on their own terms, and the “antis” want to protect the same people from being exposed to weird subject matter that they might not want to see.   It’s all about establishing a moral high ground.   Back in the day, it was called “sanctimony”. 

But people get roped into this, because at their core, people want approval, and this stupid conflict offers them a sense of community.  As long as you support the cause, whatever it may be, you’ll have this online friend network that appears to support anything you do.   But if you deviate from their norm, you’ll be cast out.    Does this sound familiar?

To use a more familiar example, I still sometimes find people clamoring about Gochi vs. Vegebul.   I’ve never understood this, because both ships were canon, and I never saw much direct evidence of a war between them, but people would still talk about how crazy the Vegebul shippers were, and how crazy the Gochi shippers were, and it was like some huge thing going on just over the hills.   It’s the same idea, since the idea that you could like both or neither never seems to occur to anyone involved.   I never gave a shit, because I used to see the same dumb agendas in the Harry Potter fandom.

Okay, so let me take you back.  It’s 2005 through 2011, and I’m hateblogging all seven Harry Potter novels, because fuck you, that’s why.  The funny thing I encountered was that occasionally fans seemed to want to pretend like my bashing of certain characters was proving them right somehow.    They were like “See?  He hates Ron Weasley too!  That proves that Seamus Finnegan is the coolest guy ever.”   The Slytherin stans would do this all the time, because I would constantly take the piss out of the Gryffindor characters for being self-important dopes.   I think they just liked hearing it from an outside perspective.   But I had to keep reminding them all that I hated all of them.   Every character from Harry Potter sucks ass. Voldemort was my favorite, but only because he was the one guy who wanted to kill all of the others.   But he sucks too because he failed. 

And the shippers were the same way.   I’d say something shitty about Ron, because Ron sucks, and some smartass Joss Whedon fan would be like “Yes!  Boost the signal!  That is why Harry/Hermione is the best ship!”  And I’d be like “No, Harry and Hermione suck at least as bad as Ron does.  They’re all terrible and I hate them.”   I really do think there was some sort of Stockholm Syndrome going on with Harry Potter books, where everyone secretly knows they suck, but the fans sort of latch on to one or two characters and go like “Well, he’s not as shitty as the rest.”   Like finding spaghetti in the trash and picking out the meatball with the least amount of lint on it.   Then you’d go and start a flamewar with some other starving person over whether your meatball is shittier than theirs.  This is what people mean when they say to read another book. 

Anyway, the big thing I picked up from Sarah Z’s video is “disinterpretation”, a term coined by MSNBC columnis Zeeshan Aleem.   The Twitter thread is worth a read, but the short version is that he once remarked that a Julia Louis-Dreyfus routine wasn’t very good, and someone got mad at him for insinuating that women are incapable of being funny.    They just took his dissatisfaction with one performance by one comedian as being a universal condemnation of women comedians in general.  And this sort of thing is all over the internet.   Everyone sees what they want to see and then they take it as permission to overreact.  

I ran into this myself a while back, because someone saw who I interacted with on Twitter and decided that they’re all bad guys and if I have any interaction with them, then that makes me a bad guy too.   At the time I tried to play it cool, but the more I think about it, the more it ticks me off.   And over the course of that conversation, it was said that I don’t talk about myself much, and that’s kind of funny, because all I ever do on social media is write long-ass blog posts like this one.  I don’t expect anyone to memorize them, or even read them all the way through, but when I write all this stuff and someone goes out of their way to say they don’t know anything about me, the message is that they just didn’t pay attention to what I was saying, and they didn’t bother to try.

So I’m a little jaded from that, because I got called out for a bunch of stuff I didn’t even do or say, and apparently that’s just a thing that happens.   People will reject you for completely arbitrary reasons, not because of anything you actually said or did, and you’re left thinking you made some terrible mistake.   Except, no, I’ve seen it happen to other people, people a lore more conscientious than I am, and if they can’t satisfy the bullshit purity standards, then I never stood a chance.   If the game is rigged so I can’t win, then I’m not going to play.  

And it’s that same condition that probably draws people into these online holy wars, because if you declare yourself for the pro or anti side, at least then you’ll have a posse backing you up.   Only they don’t support you, they support your willingness to support them.    Once your commitment to their agenda wavers, even in the slightest, they will turn against you.   

Sarah Z suggests that both sides of the war drop the pro and anti terms, since they lost all meaning long ago.   But that just invites a new set of useless terms to perpetuate the same cycle.   Her more useful advice is for fandom people to broaden their horizons.   She got a lot of flak for tweeting “Go outside” once, but the ironic thing is that it’s sound advice.   I had lunch with my mom yesterday and it was just nice getting away from things for a while.   People need to do that more often, and unfortunately it feels like it’s harder to do than ever before.

But “go outside” isn’t just a literal thing.   It can mean going beyond your usual haunts, reading the same books, watching the same shows, rehashing the same conversations.   I think the reason this stuff always revolves around “shipping” is because there seems to be this deep-seated compulsion to pair fictional characters off like this, and for a lot of folks it’s the only way they can consume a story, so they do.   And they do it lot, and there’s a lot of them, and they do it the same way every time, and lo and behold the same old conflicts start up.   So maybe “go outside” should mean “go outside of that cycle once in a while.”   Just a thought. 

[emy-loves-you]

Have Your Name (And Your Back) Chapter 7

Chapter 6 | Masterlist | Chapter 8

Summary: Prince stops by to ask a few questions, and Patton's fears have been confirmed. Or have they?

Warnings:  discussions of beating, taking away food and clothes, and other serious topics. Also mentions bruises and aftermath of a traumatic event, along with a lot of negative self-talk from Patton

After his first day of lessons with Logic, Patton's first few days at the manor weren’t very interesting. Even though he didn’t have any chores or much that he needed to do, his life had quickly developed into a simple schedule to follow. He would start his day each morning by getting up early and taking a long bath. Then he would get a new outfit from his closet and twirl around in it for a few minutes before settling down on his bed. He would then grab Logic's notebook and they would go over whatever chapters Logic had assigned the day before. After that was breakfast with Prince, along with that delicious jam that was quickly becoming Patton's favorite food. Then he would practice either math or English writing. After that Logic would assign him some chapters to read on Fae rules and customs. Prince would end the lesson with lunch and Patton usually took a nap afterward. He would then read over the chapters until dinner, and after that he would change into pajamas and go to bed. It was boring sometimes, especially in the hours between his nap and dinner when it only took an hour or two to read his chapters. He was used to always having something to do, and he could only sleep for so many hours before that became boring as well. He tended to spend that time rereading earlier chapters, since it tended to make Logic happy and made Patton feel useful.

Things were already beginning to change, however.

It started almost 2 weeks after Patton’s arrival. He had just finished eating lunch with Prince (well more like he ate and Prince read his book. Did fairies not need to eat or did he just eat at a different time? He’d have to find a way to ask Logic about that later) and was being escorted back to his room. Patton had expected Prince to say farewell before leaving him to his own devices until dinner. Instead, he stood in the doorway and rubbed his neck, appearing… nervous?

Patton tilted his head to the side, trying not to let his own nervousness show as he silently watched. What could make Prince nervous? Prince was never nervous. The thought made the pit in Patton’s stomach worsen with every second.

Eventually, Prince cleared his throat and looked up at him. “May I come in, Heart? There are quite a few things I’d like to discuss with you.” Patton nodded shakily and his Fairy Godfather quickly stepped into the room, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Patton was nervously shifting from foot to foot but Prince didn’t seem to notice, instead carefully observing the room around him. “Has Logic been teaching you about Fae culture?”

Patton nodded, bouncing on his toes. “I’ve been learning a lot about negotiation magic and what the most common types are from a human’s per...pers…”

Prince chuckled and Patton jumped, startled. “Perspective?”

He giggled, trying to hide his nervousness. “Yeah, that!”

Prince smiled softly, his gaze turning back to the empty room. “Has he taught you how to properly defend yourself yet?”

His smile fell. “Well, not yet. He says he wants to wait until I can write well in English before teaching me, so I can actually respond to his questions.” He looked down at the ground, suddenly feeling queasy as he tensed up. This was a test, wasn’t it? It was a test and I failed. He had wondered why Prince didn’t make him clean or cook. He was good at it, Prince had even complimented him on how clean Hart Manor was the first time they met! Patton had assumed it was just because he had magic instead, so Patton’s skill set was rendered useless. He knew why now. The expectations set on him weren’t to cook and clean. They were to learn as much as possible and defend himself against fairies. And Patton had failed his expectations.

It had been so long since Patton had last been punished, he’d almost forgotten the terror he always felt leading up to it. The ice that traveled through his veins, making his muscles stiff and his mind run on a loop. All he could do was sit there and wonder how he would be punished, hope that he would be able to keep his clothes and bed and bath. Maybe if he was lucky Prince would use his fire magic to heal him after his punishment. It probably wouldn’t happen, but at least he could hope-

“Patton, breathe!” Patton’s eyes snapped up to meet Prince’s gaze, gulping down air as his mind cleared slightly. He hadn’t even realized that he’d been hyperventilating. When the black spots in his vision went away and he was finally able to focus, he turned his attention over to his Fairy Godfather’s panicked yet sheepish expression. “My apologies, Heart. You couldn’t breathe properly and you couldn’t seem to see or hear me, so I did what I had to do to calm you down.” He raised his hand and Patton flinched, waiting for pain. There was a moment of tense silence, and Patton barely suppressed another flinch when Prince broke it with a whisper. “Oh Heart. I will never purposefully hurt you like that. Don’t you remember me telling you that?”

Patton blinked quickly as he tried to focus on Prince’s shoes, tears blurring his vision. He didn’t speak up, not wanting to upset his caretaker. A part of Patton knew that Prince would never hurt him, that he didn’t want to cause him harm. But after years of knowing that he was worthless, of being beaten everyday for not meeting standards, it ingrained the idea that he had to be perfect. And he had thought that he was doing it well. He didn’t have any physical chores, but Prince seemed to relax when Patton smiled and twirled around, so he assumed he was meeting his expectations. But he wasn’t. He was dumb and couldn’t even do simple tasks like reading and writing! Maybe the little voice in his head was right and he should be punished-

Patton shook his head, letting in a shuddering breath. Those bad thoughts were wrong! He didn’t deserve it! He deserved to be happy and loved, just like Prince said. But Prince doesn’t deserve me. He deserves a better godson, not some broken kid who can’t even hold a conversation without breaking down-

‘Just because you have bad thoughts doesn’t mean you’re weak or broken.’ Patton forced more air into his lungs, trying to clear his head while he remembered what the Duke had told him on his first day here. He had seen some of Patton’s punishments, and he’s said that Patton didn’t deserve them. That had to count for something, right? Two different people telling him that he didn’t deserve to be punished?

Patton let out a shuddering breath. “I-” His voice cracked and he flinched, but forced the next few words out before Prince could worry more. “I know. I trust you. It’s just… I feel…” He groaned and flopped back on the bed. “Words are hard.”

His fairy godfather chuckled, easing back to lay down next to him. “Words can be such a fickle thing, can’t they?” They laid there in silence for a few minutes before he spoke up again. “Can you tell me why you started panicking?”

Patton starred at his ceiling, the twinkling fairy lights calming his nerves. “I could…”

Prince made an odd sound, and Patton couldn’t tell if it sounded humorous or irritated, or maybe something else. “Alright, will you tell me why you panicked, Hart?”

Patton sighed, the long sleeves of his shirt getting bunched up in his tight grip. “...Promise me you won’t be upset?”

He felt Prince shift next to him, probably to look over at him, but Patton couldn’t tell as he stared up at the ceiling. He couldn’t bear to see his fairy godfather’s face right now. There was a moment of silence, and Patton was sure that he would refuse to promise, or ask why he wanted a promise out of him in the first place. Patton had read a few chapters ahead to please Logic, and he had read about how much promises mean to the Fae. A promise wasn’t as powerful as an oath or vow, but it was still nothing to scoff at. When you promised something to a fairy- or, in turn, if a fairy promised something to you- it couldn’t be broken easily. Not without the person who made the promise suffering some form of consequence. Oh, why did Patton have to be so greedy, asking for something that he knew meant so much to the Fae? He opened his mouth to apologize.

“I promise.”

“I’m sor- wait, what?” Patton looked over at his fairy godfather, who was staring at him with an intensity that made him want to squirm.

Prince maintained eye contact as he took a deep breath, steeling himself as he spoke. “I promise that whatever you say next will not make me upset with you.”

Patton shuddered as he felt the promise wash over him, fueled by his fairy godfather’s magic. It seeped into his skin and made his insides all warm and fuzzy, like a warm hug etched into his very soul. It gave him a feeling of safety and support that gave him the confidence to continue. “I’ve been wondering why you didn’t want me to cook or clean, and at first I thought it was because you could do it better with your magic. But now I think I know why.” He carefully wrapped his arms around his middle, belatedly hoping that Prince didn’t notice the movement as he shielded his sides. Even though it had been almost 2 weeks, the bruises on his legs and sides from where Lord Hart kicked him were still there, the marks appearing like smears of jam against his skin. They still hurt often, and he just thinking about them made his sides throb. “My par- Lord and Lady Hart, they expected me to cook and clean for them. And when I didn’t meet their standards, I got punished. You don’t expect me to cook and clean. You expect me to learn all that I can about the Fae from Logic. And I should know more now, but I’ve been struggling with writing in English. Logic’s explanations leave me all dizzy and confused. Not that it’s his fault, please don’t be mad at him! I just struggle to understand what he means sometimes, and it’s hard to ask questions when you can’t speak or write to them.” He felt his sides ache in reminder as to what would come next. “I know you said you wouldn’t hurt me, but I also know that there’s more than one way to be punished, and that I’d rather get smacked than lose what you’ve already given me. The baths, the food, the clothes… they’re more than what I could ever hope for. And I know I don’t deserve it, but could you use your fire magic on me afterwards? It feels really nice and makes the hurt go away.”

Prince stayed silent the entire time, periodically clenching and unclenching his jaw as Patton spoke. When he finished, his fairy godfather took a deep breath, nearly growling as he spoke. “I wish to go downstairs and break those monsters down piece-by-piece until they’re left begging for death. The only reason I haven’t already done so is because the laws of Fae won’t let me.” His hand reached up to touch Patton and he flinched, squeezing his eyes shut. “Oh, Heart.” Patton nearly flinched again, this time at how utterly broken his fairy godfather sounded. Prince’s hand cupped his cheek and Patton shuddered at the touch, nearly sobbing at the heat (he couldn’t even tell if the heat came from Prince’s skin or his own, but it still burned in just the right way). “Look at me please.” Patton shuddered and forced his eyes open, tears blurring his vision. His fairy godfather was smiling at him, his eyes watering as he spoke. “There’s those adorable blue eyes.” His expression suddenly turned… sad? “Patton, I swear that as your godfather, I will never purposefully deprive you of common necessities. That means I will never take away your clothes, bed, bath, food, or anything else that you may need. I also swear that I will never touch you with the intention of harming you.”

Patton bit back a gasp as the magic sunk into his skin, validating his oath. Earlier, his promise had been comfortably warm, like your blankets when you first wake up. This, however, felt like he was literally on fire. Every part of him tingled with an intense heat that somehow didn’t hurt. It made him feel more protected than he had ever felt in his entire life, and Patton embraced the feeling like a moth would an open flame.

When he was finally able to focus beyond the new heat running through his veins, Prince continued. “Let me make this clear, Heart: there are no expectations beyond trying your best. And even if there were expectations, you wouldn’t be punished for not completing them. Instead, we would sit down and discuss what you struggled with before trying again.If you’re trying your best and still can’t understand the material, it’s not your fault but ours. And I want you to know just how proud I am of you. You’ve been through so much in so little time, and you’ve still managed to defy any expectations that I could ever imagine placing upon you. You are amazing, and smart, and brave, and so, so kind.”

Patton let out a sob at that, and Prince gently pulled him into a hug, slowly so Patton had plenty of time to back out if he wanted. Patton all but collapsed into the warmth, sobbing uncontrollably. When was the last time that someone had said they were proud of Patton? Had anyone ever been proud of him before now? He didn’t know, but one thing was for certain; his fairy godfather was proud of HIM. And that was enough to bring in a new wave of tears as he clung to his godfather’s chest.

Eventually, the heat became too much for the touch-starved boy, and he weakly pressed against his godfather’s chest. Prince immediately let go and Patton scooted back to his previous spot on his bed. “Now,” Prince began, “I came here to discuss something, but I understand if you’d like to wait until tomorrow before we talk about anything else.” Patton shook his head and Prince smiled softly. “Alright. I had already suspected that you were struggling with reading and writing in English. When I was younger I also struggled with it, and I also know that it’s extremely difficult without help. And while Logic can help you somewhat, he isn’t here to physically talk to you or see what you’re doing. So, I was wondering if you wanted me to help you. I would take over your English studies everyday after lunch, and after we finished I would help you with the verbal side of fairy magic.”

Patton stared for a moment in shock before looking away, blushing slightly. “You don’t have to do all of this.”

Prince chuckled. “But I want to. I want to help you learn as much as possible, so one day you can explore this manor on your own instead of staying in your room all day.” He gestured to the room around them. “There was something else that I would like to discuss with you. I was wondering if you’d like any new furniture for your room. A desk for writing, a reading chair, anything you could think of? I’m afraid I tend to think on the extravagant side, so whatever I come up with might overwhelm you.” Patton opened his mouth but Prince beat him to it. “And before you say it, I know I don’t have to give you this stuff, but I want to. And trust me when I say that there’s nothing you could come up with that’s out of the realm of possibility.”

Patton bit his lip as he thought about it. Should he ask for it? He looked up at Prince’s encouraging smile and pushed the words out. “You can see my thoughts, right? With your magic? The Duke told me that he could see my bad thoughts while you could see my good ones.”

Prince chuckled softly. “That’s an oversimplified way to put it, but yes. If I wanted to, I could read your thoughts. But I don’t do it unless I have your permission.”

He looked away, another blush forming. “Well, a few months ago I saw this really pretty desk at the market. I couldn’t touch it or anything because then I would get in trouble, but I’m pretty sure I remember what it looks like. Can you use your magic to take a look at it?”

He nodded. “I can, but I’ll need to touch you in order to see it clearly. Just a finger to your temple should do.” Patton nodded and closed his eyes, feeling a finger against his head a few moments later. His skin burned and itched with oversensitivity but he ignored it, instead focusing on the memory. It had been a short but wide wooden desk, with drawers on each side to hold stuff. It was a pretty off-white color, and the place where your legs went had a pale blue cloth in place for Patton to hide behind (that last part might’ve been subconsciously added, but Prince didn’t need to know that).

When Prince pulled away Patton yawned, utterly exhausted. When he saw Prince’s worried look he was quick to apologize. “I’m sorry, this isn’t boring I promise! I just usually take a nap right after lunch.”

Prince frowned. “Why didn’t you say so? I could’ve waited until afterwards to talk to you.” Patton shrugged and he sighed. “Well, go ahead and get some rest now. We’ll begin our lessons tomorrow afternoon. Just call my name after you’ve read whatever Logic’s assigned to you and I’ll appear to start teaching you. And Heart?” Patton looked up, already starting to fall asleep. “If you ever feel unsafe around one of us, don’t hesitate to speak up. Even if you think you deserve it, bring it up to someone first. You have me and my brother, and when you master writing you can talk to Logic too. Just don’t let yourself hurt for our sake, alright?” Patton nodded and he smiled softly. “Thank you. I’ll let you rest now. Goodnight Heart.” Patton couldn’t respond, already drifting off to dreamland.

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Taglist: @bisexualdisaster106 @self-taught-mess @itawalrus @arodynamic-enby @sanderssides-angst @whatishappeningrightnow @idont-freaking-know @cute-and-angsty-princess @artsy-enby09 @girl-who-reads @drarrymalecsolangelo

[gayregis]

this is kind of controversial so bear with me. as a slavic person i really feel like twn kind of “stole a part of our culture” (no not because there are poc, fuck the people who say that) like, the books and games have a really distinct slavic feel to them, even if they are inspired by europe in general, but twn kind of... throws all that out. it feels like just another western fantasy trying to be the next got. quite a few slavs have been trying to bring this to light but it’s greatly overshadowed by the numerous people simply being racist about the cast. this may seem dumb or like “white people pretending to be oppressed” but. slavs don’t really get the best treatment in western media as is and erasing us from one of our best known franchises kind of really sucks.

no i agree with this. i think the stupid fucking racists that are mad that there are actors of color in the series have totally taken this argument into red flag territory so that now it’s dangerous to broach this topic without attracting those freaks.

the witcher adaptation is not ‘slavic’ because it has no cultural reference to poland or any other parts of the region. both in writing and in visual design, it is incredibly generic and bland, as you said: “another western fantasy trying to be the next game of thrones.” this is disappointing and frustrating. 

i’ll speak from my perspective as an american witcher fan: i did not know anything about polish culture/language/etc from my public school and postsecondary education. the only time we ever were taught about the region was in education about world war II and the cold war (in which they don’t teach us anything except that “poland must have been weak because it fell so quickly, and it then was part of the big bad soviet union :( ew communism ew”. the closest thing to poland that we learn about is russia (NOT conflating the two, i’m just saying the closest in proximity/language group/etc), and we learn very negative things about russia. and i live in a “liberal” area of the US.

of course i’m nothing near an expert now, but i have learned more from being in this fandom, mostly because i have looked into the publishing of the books, differences between original text and the english translation(s), cultural references and mythology. and of course i have had way more conversations with mutuals/friends from poland than i ever would have if i had not joined the fandom.

things that highlight the witcher books being “polish/slavic” to me, that weren’t in the netflix series at all: writing, humor, character tropes and mythology, specific foods, specific social groups and distinctions (peasantry vs nobility), governmental offices and organization, pacing.

and it seems like it was scrubbed on purpose to make it more ‘palatable’ to a broader american/british audience. ... which didn’t have to happen at all!  a lot of what american audiences found interesting about the witcher (mostly demonstrated through the witcher 3) was its “uniqueness” in that it had a lot of cultural references that weren’t familiar to americans - for example the leshens in tw3 were quite popular because not many american fans had ever heard of them before, they sounded like a totally unique concept.

but they intended to take out the “distinct slavic feel” that you describe, ON PURPOSE:

this can be seen with people like alik sakharov running into conflict with lauren hissrich and the overall writing and visual direction:

The first season of Netflix's The Witcher was incredibly successful, but it did undergo a few changes on its way to the small screen, and that included a shift in directors. Alik Sakharov was originally going to direct episodes 1, 2, 7, and 8 of season 1, but only ended up directing episode 2 in full. Marc Jobst would reshoot significant parts of episode 1 and would take over 7 and 8, and up until now, we didn't really know why he departed. Showrunner Lauren S. Hissrich previously commented on his departure, but we finally heard from Sakharov in a new interview, and he broke down what he thought of his work on season 1 and why he ended up leaving

(...) Sakharov talked about the different points of view regarding the approach and vision for the show, and that conflict was the main reason why he left.

“You see, in my perception, Eastern-European literature has a completely different pace," Sakharov said. "It is no coincidence that Andrzej Sapkowski has so many storylines and characters. The producers set the task of setting the adaptation at an action pace and filling it with colorful special effects. That was their vision. My vision was very different and I tried to convey it to them, giving my arguments. Unfortunately, I was not considered convincing enough, so I decided to leave the project.”

The Witcher Director Explains Why He Left The Show

which is just so fucking annoying and disheartening because it’s part of what makes the witcher... the witcher. one can’t deny that sapkowski was largely influenced by the world around him (for better, or for worse... i’m looking at you, wwii antisemitism analogies with elves and dwarves instead...) and that was all taken out.

but they added so much sensationalist stuff to it - violence where it doesn’t make sense / isn’t necessary (the giant genocide that calanthe apparently carried out?), sex and nudity where it doesn’t make sense / isn’t necessary, all while taking away so much of the original text and dialogue, adding in cheap one-liners instead of paragraphs of emotion. the americanization of the media goes hand-in-hand with making it stupider, so it can reach the broadest possible audience to make the most possible amount of money.

and the effect of this is that all of the new fans coming in from the show don’t know anything about this and treat it like american media. one of the ways where this can be seen most prominently is how the fandom ‘affectionately’ nicknames jaskier “jask” ... and treats “buttercup” like a totally different pet name that geralt can call him... when... that’s not how... grammar and words work...

this is one of the reasons that i unironically like the hexer way more as an adaptation of the witcher books. one can’t deny that they’re more truthful to the original work. 

before this i’ve also read a little about how the witcher becoming a big thing (not even reaching the western countries yet) was important because before it, only western fantasies like tolkien were considered to “sell well” by publishers so they wouldn’t take their chances with a polish author. it can’t be denied that the witcher is a cultural phenomenon and gave more international representation to poland just overall and in arts/culture. and the netflix series totally washed this all away in their interpretation.

what makes me mad as well is that they had a great opportunity to use traditional polish folk wear / motifs / art in the costume and set design and visual direction of the whole thing, and they just completely did some random bullshit that looks horrible and grotesque (no one looks like they come from the same planet or time period, much less the same continent). it’s not “fantasy,” it’s just random and nonsensical. extremely disappointing considering how much potential they had to consult polish artists, costume designers, historians and medieval scholars. (the witcher doesn’t take place in medieval europe but it is certainly influenced by it, and imo historical direction in series like this are always good for the art.)

it’s also really fucking annoying that the netflix staff think they’re so progressive and amazing for adding in like 5 characters of color that almost all serve to support or antagonize the main white leads. the netflix series isn’t even good representation for people of color by a long shot imo and yet it’s touted by its showrunner as something extraordinary. why can’t we have people of color involved while also keeping what is considered as polishness or slavicness. it’s entirely possible, but netflix didn’t want to do either of those things because it wouldn’t get them as much money.

[indigosandviolets]

Hey could you do headcanons on what the basterds were like when their S/O was going through labor? Love your writing aaa!

here you go! fair thing i should mention, these are from the perspective of a person who has never given birth(hi, hello, that’s me!) , but have heard many a gory tale.

Aldo Raine

you and Aldo have three children. you are also an incredibly strong woman.

Aldo, being the Southern gentleman that he is, stayed with you the entire time and held your hand

you broke his hand, every single time

after the first time he kinda stopped caring about it

and when people would ask about it he would say, “My wife did that.”

then you would give him the look and he’d say, “Not in an abusive way, she’s in labor.” and you’d want to fucking die every time more than you currently did

but he’s already on top of shit when you’ve finished and i’m talking ON TOP OF SHIT

he’s got an order for your favorite food ready and on the way and he may or may not have snuck in a cooler that has your favorite drinks in it, as well as the first alcoholic beverages you’ve had in nine months

trust me, he’s on top of shit

Donny Donowitz

Donny isn’t...terrible, he just wasn’t...great

turns out, an ex-blood-thirsty-nazi-killer hates seeing people in pain when the people is you whose in pain

and it’s not like he can do anything about it and that pisses him off, so in the end he’s more frustrated than you are and that’s some fucking news to you

that pisses you off ‘cause he’s not allowed to be the one freaking out but whatever

he’s got his hand on your shoulder the whole time and you’re holding onto his wrist

Donny seriously hates you being in pain and he almost wants to fight the doctors for not giving you enough pain killer but you held him tight so he couldn’t

he’s better with you when Anja is born because when Art was born he was an absolute wreck

though he does climb into the hospital bed after and holds you and Art, and then when Anja is born you somehow fit art in there too

Hugo Stiglitz

so he was freaking out way more than he let on during the birth of your daughter Margret

like usual he didn’t say much, as he is a man of few words around people he doesn’t know, but when he heard Margret cry he tilted his head back and said “thank the fucking lord”

seriously, he’s a man of steel about his emotions until he gets to hold her

and you see a single tear slide down his cheek

“Hugo?”

“Shut up.”

“The hell did you just say?”

“Sorry.”

he was a lot calmer for Leon and Benjamin because that was a C-Section

he was waiting with water and some soup when you woke up (home made soup, might i add)

Wilhelm Wicki

so you and Wicki were totally prepped for when Stefan was born

until Stefan was born a week late

nothing to worry about, but you were just so sick of being pregnant that eventually you two just went to the hospital and said “Fucking really?”

Wicki was calm the entire time and it helped you out a lot

he’s calmer than the fucking doctors and that’s the worst part

especially when Stefan doesn’t cry when he’s born and he has to tell the doctors that he can literally see his son breathing and that there’s nothing to worry about

he cuts Stefan’s cord and when he’s handed over, that’s when he starts crying and Wicki has to look at the doctors with the “i fucking told you so” look

“How the hell do you know so much, Wil?”

“I think I read more than our doctors do.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.”

Smithson Utivich

everything Smithson Utivich has learned from being an uncle to his sister’s kids and her telling him what it was like went out the fucking window when you went into labor

yeah, his sister was accurate on some shit, but not with him calming down while his wife is having fucking twins

it’s fine, though, but not really, but he stopped hyperventilating and now just has to worry about you hyperventilating but you’re both fine

once they’ve hooked you up on an epidural it’s a little bit better but you’re still in a lot of pain

he’s there the entire time. this man does not move from beside you and he has one arm around your shoulders and one hand in yours and he’s constantly saying reassuring words

the only time that changes is when he’s holding your first son Dov while Eli is busy being born but he’s still telling you as many reassuring things he can

once Eli was born you practically passed out but when you woke up you saw Smitty in the chair next to you holding both of your children, passed out

Gerold Hirschberg

i actually wrote this for the fight/make-up headcanons i wrote, so you can check those out here! (you’re gonna have to scroll down to Hirschberg, but it’s there, I promise!)

Omar Ulmer

Omar’s on top of fucking everything when your daughter Elizabeth is born

thing is, he didn’t need to be because they accidentally gave you the wrong epidural and you end up getting way more killer than you were supposed to

you were so drugged out that when anything happened you would laugh

so he’s there trying to get you to calm down, meanwhile you seeing him do to just makes you laugh even harder

everyone’s freaking out that you’re gonna laugh this baby out, which you find absolutely hilarious

so he decides ‘fuck it’ and just starts talking about stupid stuff to make you laugh

an expected eight hour ordeal turns into a four hour one

you did have to stay in the hospital until the drugs wore out of your system, but Omar did still tell you dumb stories that made you laugh a fun smile while you two held your newly born daughter

[hela-avenger]

poison & wine- part 2

Author: hela-avenger

Word Count: 1503

Summary: Prince Loki of Asgard is in need of a date to take back home. That’s where you come in with a task of your own to make the whole trip with an insufferable prince worth it. Too bad that things don’t always go as planned and you end up giving more than you can take. Fake-Dating AU.

Hela-Avenger Masterlist

“So you are leaving after all?” Thor asks as he watches his brother prepare his bag. Loki hums and nods making Thor more confused than before. “I thought you couldn’t leave until you found a human ambassador to join you.” 

“You’re right...” Loki draws out. “And so I did.” 

“So who did you ask to accompany you? I heard you were having trouble finding someone.” 

“Not that it is any of your business,” Loki mutters as he continued to ignore his brother's set gaze. “But some girl named Y/N.” 

“Lady Y/N,” Thor smiles at hearing your name. “I didn’t realize you knew her.” 

“I don’t,” Loki snaps. “But she offered and who was I to say no.” 

“Yes, who were you to say no,” Thor jokes. “I heard every person you asked said no and for whatever reasons they may be, Y/N was up to the challenge which I’m glad she is. Lady Y/N is very kind and sweet as well as smart enough to handle your own wit. She’s a great partner to have on your journey home.” 

Loki can’t help but slow down in his packing. His curiosity was getting the better of him in the current situation. 

“How well do you know her?” 

A grin takes over Thor and Loki despises the sight of it. It was a usual sign of his idiotic brother's rare use of his own brain. 

“I’ll tell you about her if you tell me why you insisted that the human ambassador father requested you to bring had to be a woman. ” 

Loki rolls his eyes and scoffs. He should have known his brother would use this rare opportunity to strike a deal with him. Loki didn’t particularly like letting his brother inside his plans but he knew there was no other choice at the moment. 

“King Odin’s respect is hard to earn and you and I both know his respect for Midgard is almost non-existent,” Loki explains. “But if he insists on having a human ambassador, the only way for it to work would be if he had to speak to a woman. Your father at least has the decency of respecting women no matter the species.” 

Thor wished he could argue for his father’s defense but he knew Loki was right. If his father were presented to a male ambassador of Midgard their task to create a partnership between the realms would be more complicated. If it were a woman, Odin was respectable enough to give them a chance. Either way, male or female, gaining his father’s favor was not an easy task for any Midgardian. 

“Does she know any of this?” Thor asks. “Of the task ahead?” 

“No,” Loki answers. “But what does it matter? She already agreed, gave me her word and everything. There is no turning back.” 

Loki closes up his bag and sets it by the door. He turns to his brother with arms crossed and he could tell that Thor was ready to argue against his decision.  

“Now, a deal is a deal,” Loki cuts him off before he’s able to argue in your defense. “Tell me more about this Y/N.” 

“Can you believe him?” you snap as you grab your toiletries from the bathroom. “I tell him I’ll go with him to Asgard, a job that no one was willing to take, and he has the audacity to ask me who I am? Who I am? We’ve met like five times already and he couldn’t even bother to remember my name. Of course, I had to introduce myself and all he does is roll his eyes and tell me to pack a bag because we’re leaving as soon as we’re able to.” 

Tony just shrugs writing it off as typical Loki behavior. 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Tony asks in concern as he watched you throw the toiletry bag onto the bed. He was seated on your bed scowling every time you set something inside your luggage. “I know you’ve been itching for a new adventure but this is a bit much, don’t you think? You experienced it yourself. Loki isn’t a good guy and he’s…” 

“Tony, I know who Loki is and what he’s done,” you interrupt him. “I also know that he can’t do anything to harm me seeing as he’s supposed to be all rehabilitated in his perspective of humans and Earth so I will be safe.” 

“But all of this for just an adventure, Y/N… I don’t know… I thought you were smarter than that.” 

“And I am,” you sigh out as you look up at him. “I’m not doing this because I’m bored or in need of a change, Tony. I’m doing this because this might be the only chance to go to Asgard and find the answers I’ve been looking for my whole life.” 

Tony knew your history. He had to after Fury left him in charge of the Avengers with his faked death. You became his responsibility and he had taken that role seriously which was why he was scowling at you once more. 

“You might not like what you find up there.” 

“I know,” you agree. “But that’s a risk I’ll have to take in order to get rid of these questions I have.” 

Tony lets out another sigh and pats the bed next to him prompting you to take the offered seat. 

“I’m going to ask again,” Tony states. “Are you sure about this?” 

You open your mouth to respond but Tony interrupts you before you’re able to. 

“And before you say yes, let me just remind you that all of your friends are here and that you have a home and a family and…” 

“Tony, I’m coming back,” you laugh. 

He doesn’t seem to agree as the concerned scowl remained on his face. 

“Alright it’s time for the wild card,” he sighs out. “What if I told you that Manchurian Candidate is coming back soon?” 

“Tony, the nickname? Really?” you hiss at him. 

Though you were mildly annoyed at him, you couldn’t help the way your heart was racing a bit at hearing of Bucky’s return. You glance over at Tony who seems to notice your hesitation.

“He’s coming back from Wakanda,” Tony states. “Got him all pardoned up for his time spent in Hydra. He’s getting his life back together. It would be good for you to see him again especially after…”

You take in a deep breath and shake yourself away from the memories that Tony was trying to conjure. 

“I will see him when I get back,” you answer and you take a hold of his hand. “Because I will be coming back.” 

“Sure, kid,” Tony sighs out. “Sure.” 

You knew there was nothing you could say to ease the worry that Tony had for your upcoming trip so you simply squeezed his hand in assurance before letting go. 

“What should I tell everyone?” he asks. “About you leaving again and so soon?” 

“Just tell them the usual,” you answer with a shrug as you pick up your bag and swing it over your shoulder. “Tell them I’m off searching for adventure.” 

“With the prince of hell?” Tony scoffs. “You’re just begging for them to kill me and by them, I mean Natasha and Wanda.” 

You hesitate at hearing their names. They never understood why you kept leaving and this recent departure would really make them question you more. 

Yes, you were a wanderer, a nomad, an explorer of sorts, but that was all for the sake of remaining unattached to those around you. You’ve lost so many people already and you couldn’t handle losing any more which was why you made the decision of keeping them in the dark. 

“You can’t tell them, Tony. You can’t tell them why I’m really doing this.”

“But…” 

“No,” you snap. “This is my secret. One you vowed to keep when you first met me. Do not go back on your word, please.” 

Tony hesitates but he knew that the choice was clear. He offered you a small smile and simply nodded. 

“Thank you, Tony.” 

“You know what they say,” Tony shrugs with a grin. “You gotta respect your elders even if they make very dumb decisions.” 

You smack his arm causing him to wince but you don’t care as his laughter fills your room. 

Miss Y/N, Loki has requested you meet him at the courtyard. You are to leave once you get there.

Tony’s laughter dies out at the sound of Friday’s statement. He sits up from your bed and takes the bag out of your hands. 

“Last chance,” he states. “Are you sure you wanna go?”

You take a deep breath swallowing all of your fears and insecurities. There was no space for you to carry those in your travels. 

“Yes, I’m sure,” you answer as you take a hold of his arm and have him escort you out of your room. “I have to be.”

poison & wine tag: @damalseer​ @just-the-hiddles​ @jessiejunebug​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @smollest-soybean​ @assassinoftheworld​ 

Loki Tag:  @unicorniorosacomefrutillas​ @thesilentbluesparrow​ @oddly-drawn-muse​ @josiehosiedaninja​ @hp-hogwartsexpress​

All Works Tag: @not-zari-tak @jmb959​ @astudyoftimeywimeystuff​ @hellocookiecutter​  @steve-rogers-personal-hell​ @buckybarnesyard​

[bisexualsforprompto]

Miraculous Reborn: Injury AU Chapter Six

AO3

~~~~~~~~

“So...what do you think?” Mari beamed as she showed Damian the book. Damian nodded approvingly, he felt a slight blush coming to his cheeks. Good designer, good student, good facial structure…

Damian pushed the thought out of his mind, yes she was attractive, but he didn’t know enough about her. He needed to learn more about her before drawing anymore conclusions.

“It’s good. You’re designing is very proficient, this will give us high marks.”

Mari grinned, “Great!” She snapped her book shut as the smile fell from her face, “I guess I better be going n-“

“Or you can stay!” Damian blurted. A blush rose on Mari’s cheeks. Damian calmed himself down, this was purely for research, to make sure she could be trusted and that she was reliable. “I’d like to know more about you.”

So why was he fighting a blush?! This should not have been this hard!

“O-okay!” Mari said, “What do you want to know?”

Hmmm, what did he want to know? Start with the basics, he decided.

“You moved here from Paris, correct? What was it like?”

“Yeah, I lived in Paris for all my life. To be honest...it was kind of boring. My parents were pretty...overprotective you could say so I was homeschooled for six years.”

Damian furrowed his eyebrows, “If they were so overprotective why did they move here, and let you go to school?”

Mari sighed, “They didn’t move here. I did s-something dumb...and they had me move here with my uncle. My uncle has a day job so he couldn’t really homeschool me, but he sent me here.”

“What exactly did you do?” Damian asked, it must’ve been something horrible, or perhaps her parents were abusive in nature.

“I...I don’t really want to talk about it, sorry.” She said looking down at the table.

Curious, Damian thought. He would need to look into that later, “Well in any case, how do you like living in Metropolis?”

“Oh, I actually don’t live in Metropolis. I live in Gotham, but I can take the bus to get here!” Mari clarified. Damian contemplated telling her that he had the same arrangement, but he wasn’t sure given that he still didn’t know enough about her.

“I also live in Gotham.” Damian found himself saying before he could stop it.

Mari brightened, “Really?! That’s cool, I wonder if we’ll ever see each other.”

Damian doubted it, unless he saw her on patrol as Robin he didn’t think his civilian self would go out enough to see her. “Perhaps.”

Suddenly, Mari’s phone started ringing, she looked at it and then at Damian apologetically, “I’m sorry, it’s my uncle, he probably wants to know why I’m out so late.”

She answered the phone, the person on the other line talked for a while. Mari seemed to wince at every word. “Yes I’m sorry Uncle, I’ll come back now.”

Mari sighed, “I have to go, I’m sorry.”

“It’s no problem, I can take you back though, my motorcycle will be the fastest option.” Plus I can find out where you live, Damian added silently.

Mari beamed, “Would you? You’re so kind, thank you Damian!”

She stood up and kissed him on the cheek quickly. Damian hid a blush as she ran out of the coffee shop. His fingers went to the place where she had kissed him. Huh. Damian thought, trying to identify the feeling as he walked outside.

He felt a twinge of guilt when he saw Mari’s smile. She thought he was helping her, but in reality he was only doing it to get more information on her. He got onto his motorcycle and when Mari was on, he rode off.

~~~~~

Marinette blushed as she rode on the back of Damian’s motorcycle. It was just a friendly kiss on the cheek, but she really didn’t mean to, she just got really excited.

Guess I still have a lot to work on people skills wise, she sighed. After what felt like an awkward eternity Damian stopped the bike and dropped her out in front of her uncle’s apartment.

“Thank you Damian!” Marinette smiled.

“TT. Don’t thank me, it wasn’t a problem.”

Marinette gave him an awkward grin, “Well thanks anyways. See you tomorrow.” She waved and then ran into her uncle’s apartment.

Damian narrowed his eyes as she walked in.

“I will be keeping a very close eye on you Dupain. I don’t know your secret, but I will soon.”

~~~~~

As Damian biked home he realized all he could think of was Mari Dupain. It wasn’t just about her secret either, he was replaying the moments in the coffee shop; specifically when she smiled or laughed. It didn’t make much sense and it was hard to piece together her secret when those...particular memories kept invading his mind.

Maybe that was her secret, perhaps she had hexed him by making him think nonstop thoughts of her. Or perhaps she was a meta, who could draw people towards her. Those were the best explanations for his problems.

As he pulled into a nearby safe house, just a few miles away from where Mari lived, he took out his phone.

Normally, he wouldn’t consult others for help on cases such as these, but he needed an outside perspective.

Jon wouldn’t do, and Damian doubted that the Titans would be able to help him, so he settled on calling Grayson.

“Damian, what a surprise!” Dick answered as he panted.

Damian narrowed his eyes, “Where are you and what are you doing Grayson?”

“I’m with Kor’i, what’s up?”

Damian rolled his eyes, “There’s a new girl at my school-“

“Ooh! The one you went on a date with?”

“What?! A date?! What are you talking about?”

“It’s all over the Internet,” Dick started with a teasing tone, “Damian Wayne and a mystery girl at a coffee shop.”

Damian sighed, “It wasn’t a date, we were merely working on a project together, and I did not trust her to come to our home.”

“Sure little D. Anyway, what about this girl?”

“I think she may be meta, or magical perhaps.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, it seems she’s hiding something from me, and from the moment I left her I couldn’t stop thinking about her. It sounds like a hex of some sort, wouldn’t you agree?” Damian asked as he stumbled into the safe house.

Dick snorted, “No little D, it sounds like you’ve got a crush.”

Damian felt his face heat up, although he had no idea why, “I fail to see your point. I’ve only met the girl today, only magic could have me so worked up about her. She must’ve figured out I was a Wayne and decided to bewitch me.”

“...I’m sure.” Dick said, the sarcasm evident in his tone.

“Don’t patronize me!” Damian snapped, feeling his face warm even more than before, “This girl could be a real threat.”

Dick hummed, “And what exactly do you know about this girl—aside from your speculation that she’s a witch—?”

Damian sorted through his memories, “She’s extremely intelligent, and can keep up with me. She’s an artist and aspiring fashion designer. She used to live in Paris before her family sent her to live with her uncle for some reason. She is objectively attractive, and seems to have met Kent.”

“Back up!” Dick exclaimed, “What did you just say?”

“She seems to have met Kent?”

“No, before that.” Dick said, unable to contain his glee.

Damian folded his arms and mustered a whisper, “I said she’s objectively attractive.”

“Uh huh.” Dick stifled a laugh, “Damian, crushes are normal, especially at your age. You don’t need to be embarrassed or ashamed, just embrace your feelings instead of hiding them. I guarantee if you spend more time with her she’ll like you.”

“Spend more time with her?” Damian asked, cocking his head, “Spend more time with her! Excellent idea, Grayson! That way it is assured I figure out the magic she used to hex me!”

“Wait, did you listen to a thing I sai-“

Damian hung up before Dick finished his sentence. Yes, spending time with Mari Dupain could prove useful to his mission.

He would be able to start the phase of his plan tomorrow, for now though, he decided, he would check on the social media posts Grayson had mentioned.

Opening his phone to Twitter, he did in fact see the post Dick was talking about. In fact, it was the first thing on his dashboard.

A somewhat blurry picture, likely taken by a civilian rather than a professional photographer, showing Mari, grinning with a gleam in her bluebell eyes, getting off his bike. Damian was offering his hand to her, and looking at it now, Damian saw a slight blush on his cheeks. How odd, maybe it was the lighting, he speculated, ignoring the fact that the picture was taken outside. He admired the picture for a second, and then saved it to his phone.

Strictly for research purposes of course...

~~~~~

Tags:

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[daily-dose-of-imagines]

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴠɪʟ'ꜱ ᴛᴡᴏ ꜰᴀᴄᴇꜱ | ᴊᴏɴᴀᴛʜᴏɴ ᴊᴏᴇꜱᴛᴀʀ x ᴄɪᴠɪʟɪᴀɴ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ | Yakuza!AU [𝕁𝕁𝔹𝔸] One-Shot

Here’s the next one~ two more left~! hehe Here’s the Civilian’s perspective and first meeting with Jonathon~! I hope you guys enjoy this and thank you all so much for the support for this AU! ;;

**WARNING: There is going to be a lot of mention of torture and bodily harm within these stories in this AU so please, if you are uncomfortable with the subject or have a weak stomach DO NOT READ.

TW; Blood ; Injuries ; Mutilation ; Torture

» » Admin Ko

»»————-　♔　————-««

Perhaps it was a mistake. A trick of the eye. Yet no matter what sort of explanation was being formed, none of them came close to even properly processing what they bore witness to. No matter how much they pleaded, or how calm they tried to be in worming their way out of death’s hold those eerily calm blue eyes gave no indication as to how they would meet their demise.

A rumor that plagues the streets, and warns all those who dare to venture out at night: that no matter who you are, or what you do for a living; if you run into a Joestar it’s almost certain that they’re never seen or heard from again. They’re put in the pages as missing, and the families go on to mourn them as if they’ve died some sort of heroic death, when really that’s never the case. Especially with the Joestar family.

“I’ve heard nothing but...good things from this establishment. What’s the clientele like? The day to day basis of it all?”

Despite the allusion to a casual and almost light conversation, the man firmly held down against his office chair thought otherwise. Practically stunned into silence when the head of the Joestar syndicate waltzed into his abode; he couldn’t help but stammer and attempt to worm his way out of the uncomfortable grasp of the large man’s two guards.

Though he stiffened at the vexed exhale that escaped the domineering man’s lips. A look of indifference settling in his eyes as a shiver of unease rolled down the seated man’s spine. The tension in the room practically suffocating as the intimidating figure that was Jonathon Joestar stepped into his personal space. 

“Speechless? I suppose that makes sense in one way or another...I normally  allow you to have one of your workers be here with you, but they’re all dead aren’t they?”

As the words left his lips, the imaginary coil that was wrapping around his neck tightened. The feeling of dread prickling against his skin as he could practically hear the cries of his workers. The pleading for their lives and the messy arguments to why they should live continued to pelt down on his back as the overwhelming stench of blood filled his senses.

“Apologies, I should’ve cleaned up a bit more before we paid you a visit....but I couldn’t help but provide you with a...reminder.”

Choking on his words, the man tried to reason with the normally compassionate leader before a thick hand wrapped around his throat. Promptly shutting down all possibilities as a sinister smile formed on the younger man’s lips. 

“Now then....shall we begin with our little discussion?”

»»————-　♔　————-««

It had been an accident. The moment she walked down the wrong alleyway to return home, she knew her life was going to change. Having only just moved into the area, she was unaware of the rumors and whispers that floated around the supposedly quaint city. 

Despite having pushed the rumors off, she couldn’t help but mentally curse herself for not paying the least bit of attention to the words that flew around the city. For now, what she saw was something so much more worse and frightening than anything she’s ever experienced in her life.

The smell of blood and the faint whimpers of a human echoed throughout the dark alleyway as her (e/c) took in the gruesome sight. Bloodied and beaten, the man-- or what was once considered a man, laid crumpled in a broken pile on the floor. Blood was gushing out at an alarming rate as she swore she could see the man’s shin bone peeking out of broken and bloodied flesh. One of his eyes lifeless while the other stared straight at her. Practically begging for some sort of help.

Instead, she felt bile work it’s way up her throat as she took a step back. The sight and smell too much for her. Yet, as she took a step back she bumped into a large solid mass. Heart stuttering in her chest she couldn’t help but feel a horrid chill roll down her spine as a scream was itching to rip out of her throat. 

“Oh? A lost little bunny? My apologies, as I wish you hadn’t walked down this...path.”

The voice was cold and collected, yet with a hint of kindness interlaced that she couldn’t help but cling onto as she slowly looked up to meet swirling blue eyes peering straight into her soul. 

“m..’m s-sorry...” 

A soft and pained whimper escaped her. The atmosphere making her tremble in absolute fear as she finally noticed the blood and flesh that clung to his once pristine shirt.

“No need to apologize. If I’m correct, you’re new to this city. Aren’t you?”

A hesitant nod was given in response as she couldn’t find the words to even form a proper sentence. The fear that oozed off of her hadn’t gone unnoticed to the large man as he let out a sigh before beckoning a finger for his companion to appear.

“Yes, Mr Joestar?”

“Clean up the mess for me. I apologize that I won’t be able to help, but I’d like to clear up some...things.”

“Not a problem. I will await for you by the car until you are finished sir.”

“Thank you SpeedWagon.”

Watching the exchange, she couldn’t help but feel another bour of adrenaline kick into her system as she tightly held onto her clothes. The only purchase she had to at least ground herself and not run away, lest she wanted to end up like the man on the ground. 

She watched as the man called SpeedWagon approached, passing by her without remorse or even a look of acknowledgement. Though before she could even get a good look at the man, her attention was pulled back to the ‘Mr. Joestar’. He offered his hand to her, the action would’ve been seen as kind if not for the situation she was in. Though to not anger him or invoke a sort of grudge from the man, she hesitantly let go of her clothes to place one of her shaking hands into his steady one.

“Despite being new around here, you’ve seemed to have picked up at least a couple of things. You’re quite the observant person.”

“W...What do you mean?”

Confusion was evident in her voice. She hadn’t been observant, rather unlucky and dumb for not paying attention to the warnings everyone around her gave her.

“You didn’t run and start screaming like a banshee for one. Any person who isn’t at least well acquainted with this city would’ve tried to call the police or scream for help, but instead you stayed silent and instead have chosen to walk with me.”

With that he turned to face her. His expression oddly serene and kind though she knew better. Despite not having witnessed the brutal beating, she could already tell this man that stood before her was someone to not mess with. Nor get on the bad side of, and no matter what she did now she wasn’t sure she could get away completely unscathed. 

“So how’s this, we’ll make a little...deal. You’ll survive this whole ordeal and live on the life you wish, but I’d like for you to be my...friend. It may not seem like it, but I am quite curious about the simple life that so many people live. I believe this isn’t too much of a hassle, after all I’m merely asking for simple meetings with you.”

Even with the statement and logical side of thinking, she couldn’t help but feel her gut plummet into the ground at the statement. She was thankful of course, for being able to live and continue to see another day, but to be...friends? With a psychotic man? No doubt someone who dealt with the underground world? She wasn’t sure, but.... weighing her options, she found herself looking up at him as the words that left her lips sealed her fate with the man.

“...Deal. When will our first meeting be?”

And with the grin of a devil, he met her gaze strongly.

“Glad you see it my way, how’s this weekend sound?”

[honestgrins]

Falls Inn || Klaroline

Inspired by Schitt's Creek: The Mikaelsons were swindled out of their fortune, and they are forced to leave New York and their entire lives behind when the only asset remaining to their name was a town bought as a gift. While the town was kind enough to put them up in the local motel, the receptionist isn't all that thrilled to put up with them.

.

They stared up at the faded sign, all a bit too dumbfounded to speak. 

Leave it to Rebekah to find her words first. "No. Absolutely not."

"It looks filthy," Kol grimaced, clutching a garment bag to his chest. "My clothes aren't safe here, 'Lijah."

Pressing a tired hand to his mouth, Klaus looked to their eldest brother. "Explain this to me again," he said, his expression already defeated. "Your conniving snake of a wife embezzles all of our money and destroys our business, leaving us to bankruptcy while she gallivants off...somewhere-"

"Dubai," Rebekah added venomously, "with my boyfriend. He won't even call me back."

With a nod, he continued. "Right, so, we have nothing left to our family name but a town you bought-"

Kol's shoulders nearly blocked his ears, they rose so high. "Who buys a town?"

"I bought the rights to the land the town sits on," Elijah sighed, having already gone through the details of their last remaining asset with his too dramatic family several times. "The waterfalls are said to be beautiful, and I wanted Katerina to- It doesn't matter." Clearing his throat, he gave his siblings a serious look. "This is all we have left, and the mayor was gracious enough to coordinate our stay at this...lovely inn until we get back on our feet. It's an opportunity to recover and set a new path forward."

Again, Rebekah was the one to say what they were all thinking. "No."

But Klaus tried to rally; Elijah had been through quite the embarrassment, and the stiff upper lip was like to crumble at any moment. If they stood any chance of getting out of this hellhole of a town, it lay with him. "Okay, let's just check in, shall we?" Grabbing his first suitcase and portfolio case, he was the first through the door, where a pretty blonde staffing the reception desk typed away. "Mikaelson, four rooms."

The woman glanced up for a moment, frowning, only to focus back on the computer screen in front of her. "If you'll give me a moment," she said, her voice saccharine despite a stony expression.

Barely holding it together himself, however, Klaus tapped his foot. He noted the arch of her brow at that, but she still didn't budge. "I believe we have a reservation," he urged.

Sighing, she stood from her seat and met his annoyed gaze with a perfectly serene smile that felt eminently fake. She was beautiful, though, and Klaus had a sudden desire to paint her. "Welcome to Mystic Falls and the Falls Inn. My name is Caroline. How may I help you today?"

"We have a reservation," he repeated, his annoyance returned tenfold. "Mikaelson, four rooms."

Her smile somehow grew even brighter, which he assumed meant she was thinking of murder. Why else would someone so bright live here? "Right, the Mikaelsons. I'm sorry to tell you that Mayor Lockwood only blocked two rooms for your indefinite stay, something to do with the allowable rate of compensation given your...situation."

He could feel his entire face flush red. Nearly about to rage at her insolence, he was interrupted by the cacophony of his siblings entering the modest foyer. 

"What do you mean, two rooms?" Kol asked in that indignant way of his. "Surely, you mean suites."

"I mean rooms." Again with that saccharine smile - Klaus wouldn't be surprised if she had fangs beneath that peachy lipstick. She opened a drawer, pulling out two pairs of keys. "The arrangements are up to you, of course, and please feel free to visit reception if you run into any issues."

Elijah offered his hand for the keys, a pained grin on his face. "Thank you..." He checked her nameplate on the desk before looking back up. "Caroline."

Finally, her smile softened to a more genuine thing, if a bit tinged with pity. "You're welcome. I think the Lockwoods were planning to take you out to dinner tonight, show you around the town."

"Yes," he confirmed with a worried glance to the others. "So he mentioned. It's been a long day of travel for us, we'll just get settled in."

"Of course. Your rooms are up the stairs and at the far end of the hall. It's the most privacy I could get you."

"Much appreciated, Caroline." Nodding to Kol, he began to usher them out. "Let's go."

But Kol and Rebekah lingered among the eight bags they had between them. "Is the bellhop on break?" she asked snidely.

"I am going to need them to be very careful with the red cases," Kol added. "They are very important to my health during this nightmare."

Caroline grinned, like she couldn't believe they were real. At times, Klaus was inclined to wonder as well. "Hair products?" she asked.

Scoffing, Kol placed a loving hand over the smallest of them. "No, darling," he said as though it was obvious. "Skincare."

Her eyebrows raised, impressed. "Fair enough. No bellhop, though. Call it your workout for the day. That's my nice way of warning you we also don't have a gym."

Twin groans sounded, but both of them appeared to be offended by the family resemblance. Rebekah was the first to run away from the moment, quick to follow Elijah carrying just one case. Meanwhile, Kol carefully stacked his belongings until they were surely a moving hazard once stairs were involved.

Left behind with the rest of it, Klaus latched onto the moment of peace. He glanced over to Caroline, who had already turned back to her computer. "Tired of us already, love?"

"Are you kidding? You guys are the most interesting thing that's happened to Mystic Falls all year," she replied, not that she bothered to look away from her screen. "I just get the feeling I'm going to be seeing you all a lot. Want to pace myself."

"I'm not sure what you mean," he flirted, hoping his time here would be short but satisfying. He leaned against the counter, admiring the tilt of her petty grin - the most real he'd seen from her so far. "Are you so hands on with all your guests?"

She snorted, an inelegant but altogether charming answer. Even better, she swung her chair to face him again and pinned him with a wide-eyed innocence. "When's the last time you did your own laundry?"

His jaw fell slightly, thrown at the question. Caroline seemed to take that as a victory. "I thought so. Mayor Lockwood specifically asked me to make sure your transition went as smoothly as possible, and I'm prepared for any number of...informational lapses. Seriously, I have a list of solutions ready for a number of probable issues."

"That's..." Trailing off, Klaus nodded. With the way she smiled at him, he knew the game was lost. "We've led a privileged life, there's nothing wrong with that," he finally said.

"No," she agreed automatically. "But my freshman roommate at Whitmore was a mess of a trust fund baby. The first time she poured too much detergent in the washing machine, she threw the clothes away and bought a whole new wardrobe. I don't think she did laundry the rest of the year because it was easier to just buy new clothes. Money can change your perspective, and that's all I meant."

She was so blunt, it was refreshing. "Very well. While I trust we can figure out whatever issues arise-"

"The Internet is the great dumb question resource," Caroline grinned.

"-I look forward to having your assistance on hand," he finished, trying not to laugh. "Thank you for your help."

Her gaze was calculating, but that only charmed him further. "You're welcome..."

Blinking, he realized they'd never officially introduced themselves. "Apologies. I'm Klaus."

"The artist. Cool." At his questioning glance, she shrugged. "Like I said, you guys are the most interesting thing to happen to this place. We googled. Hard."

Chuckling, he finally picked up his suitcase and made his way to the stairs. But he turned back when he processed exactly what she said. "We?"

Her amused smile turned predatory. "Welcome to Mystic Falls, Klaus. You get used to it."