#gender-affirming care is very much not experimental

[uncanny-tranny]

Don't get me wrong, I think it's perfectly acceptable that trans people don't always have certain surgeries and procedures, but I think something is to be said about the amount of trans people I have seen bash a certain gender-affirming procedure.

It's totally fine to not want some or any surgeries, but it's still transphobic to say "I think the results are ugly/look mutilated" or that trans surgery is "rudimentary" or "experimental" - even if you're also trans.

The idea that certain gender-affirming surgeries are mutilation or experimental is a classic form of transphobia, so it really does hurt seeing other trans people propelling those same talking points.

[palant1r]

something i've come to realize about the "contradictory logic" or "hypocrisy" of the USamerican right is that there rarely is a contradiction present. usually those two seemingly incompatible positions result from the same underlying belief, and calling out that hypocrisy doesn't actually address that belief

for example: why do conservatives care so much about "groomers" and protecting kids when it comes to restricting trans rights but are silent on the catholic church or the boy scouts of america?

a potential answer might be that they don't care about kids at all, that they'll say whatever preserves existing power, but...i dont think that's quite right.

the christian far right cares a great deal about children. but to them, children are not small humans with autonomy and rights. they are symbols of the future and seeds of what the political and social landscape of america will develop into. the right of the parent to control the child represents not just choices for a child's personal welfare, but choices regarding the exposure of the child to certain influences, because they believe that preserving the right to control children is the only way to make sure those children grow up Good and in turn make america Good. there is a very real anxiety there about society and their children turning out Bad, and the right to act on that anxiety trumps any rights a child might have, which are usually not considered.

the fear of children being harmed by "trans ideology" and "groomers" is a very real one, but the fear does not stem primarily from actual concern over the violation of a child's autonomy and safety. the fear is the imposition of the Other, the Degenerate, on the "blank slate" of a nation's future. while sexual assault by established institutions of power may cause outrage on an individual level, it does not galvanize the american far right because, even if only subconsciously, they view the Established Christian Moral Order as having a right to the bodies and minds of children that is essential to ensure its continued supremacy, so they downplay, deny or justify the abuse it commits. if this sounds fascist...yeah it is lol.

similarly, it is not a contradiction that recent gender affirming care bans for minors call surgery and hormones "experimental" then turn around and carve out exceptions for intersex children regardless of medical necessity and informed consent. gender essentialism is a foundational ideal of the right wing. the idea that there are two sexes, gender is meaningless, and those sexes are meant to have monogamous relationships with the opposite sex that engage in sexual conduct procreatively after marriage. any extant deviation from this is an existential threat. transition care for transgender people violates this doctrine, so it must be fought. intersex people do not fit into this paradigm, and because this paradigm is The Right And Good Way Of The World, that means they must be disabled or disordered. medicine must be used in service of enforcing this paradigm.

this is also why conservatives are going after asexual people. the far christian right doesn't hate sex, per se. in this worldview, sex has a very specific role and position that must be enshrined as absolute. eschewing sex altogether, or any other variance in sexual attraction that makes up the ace spectrum, is a rejection of the sacred position sex holds. it's not actually a separate justification from homophobia, just two manifestations of the same worldview.

anyway. the takeaway here is that exclusionism or any form of label separatism/policing is a psyop

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Andrew Doyle

Published: Mar 5, 2024

The ideological march through the medical institutions was rapid and unexpected. In recent years, we have seen leading paediatric specialists asserting that children who say they are “in the wrong body” must have their feelings immediately affirmed. We have been told that if a boy claims to be a girl, or vice versa, they must be believed and fast-tracked onto a pathway to medicalisation: first puberty blockers, then cross-sex hormones, and in some cases irreversible surgery.

This worldwide medical scandal has disproportionately impacted gay, autistic, and gender non-conforming children. Where clinicians should have been looking out for the interests of the vulnerable, they have been encouraging them to proceed with experimental treatments. Few people would have imagined that mutilating children to ensure they better conform to gendered stereotypes would one day be considered progressive. But here we are.

Much of the responsibility must lie in the hands of WPATH (World Professional Association for Transgender Health), a US-based organisation established in 1979 that is recognised as the leading global authority in this area. WPATH has pushed for the normalisation of the “gender-affirming” approach, and its “Standards of Care” have formed the basis of policies throughout the western world, including in the NHS. 

But in an explosive series of leaked files, the credibility of WPATH might now be irreparably shattered. Whistleblowers have provided author and journalist Michael Shellenberger with videos and messages from the WPATH internal chat system which suggest that the health professionals involved in recommending “gender-affirming” healthcare are aware that it is not scientifically or medically sound. A full report has been written by journalist Mia Hughes for the Environmental Progress think-tank. The title is as chilling as its contents: The WPATH Files: Pseudoscientific Surgical and Hormonal Experiments on Children, Adolescents, and Vulnerable Adults.

Some of the leaked internal messages are astonishing in their disregard for basic medical and ethical standards. For all that paediatric gender specialists have publicly stated that there is a consensus in favour of the “affirmative” model, and that this approach is safer than a psychotherapeutic alternative, their private conversations would seem to suggest otherwise.

There are messages in The WPATH Files proving that surgeons and therapists are aware that a significant proportion of young people referred to gender clinicians suffer from mental health problems. Some specialists associated with WPATH are proceeding with treatment even for those who cannot realistically consent to it. After all, how could a pre-pubescent or even adolescent child fully grasp the concepts of lifelong sterility and the loss of sexual function? As one author of the WPATH “Standards of Care” acknowledges in a leaked message:

“[It is] out of their developmental range to understand the extent to which some of these medical interventions are impacting them. They’ll say they understand, but then they’ll say something else that makes you think, oh, they didn’t really understand that they are going to have facial hair.”

Or what about the endocrinologist who admits that “we’re often explaining these sorts of things to people who haven’t even had biology in high school yet”? And these are the very patients who have been approved for potentially irreversible procedures.

Even when mental health concerns are severe – the WPATH Files include references to schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder – patients have been allowed to “consent” to surgical procedures. Consider the following example, in which a nurse has contacted a leading member of WPATH to raise concerns about an adult patient with PTSD, major depressive disorder, observed dissociations, and schizoid typical traits. Can such a person possibly consent to treatment? According to one of the authors of WPATH’s “Standards of Care”, the answer is a resounding “yes”:

“I’m missing why you are perplexed… The mere presence of psychiatric illness should not block a person’s ability to start hormones if they have persistent gender dysphoria, capacity to consent, and the benefits of starting hormones outweigh the risks… So why the internal struggle as to ‘the right thing to do’?”

Treatments discussed in the leaked files include the removal of genitals, mastectomies, “minimal-depth vagino­plasties (vulvoplasties), phallus-preserving vaginoplasties, and nullification proce­dures”. A gender therapist in California speaks of intervening “on behalf of people who have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, cPTSD, homeless, and got at least an orchiectomy” (removal of the testicles).

Those who have raised questions about such extreme procedures have been accused of “gatekeeping”. Even those who have later regretted their surgery have had their concerns trivialised. A Canadian endocrinologist acknowledges evidence from Dutch researchers of post-transitional regret, but says “it’s there, and I don’t think any of that surprises us”. The WPATH Files provide clear evidence that specialists are aware of the risks, but that they simply accept it as inevitable. One doctor is quoted as saying:

“It would be great if every patient could be perfectly cleared prior to every sur­gical intervention, but at the end of the day it is a risk/benefit decision.”

For some time now, it has been assumed that the “affirmative” approach is the only way to prevent patient suicides. But last July, a letter to the Wall Street Journal signed by twenty-one leading professionals involved in the care of gender-diverse youth opposed the view that this form of treatment is optimal, and pointed out that there is no secure evidence that puberty blockers reduce the risk of suicidal ideation. Last month, this was confirmed in a study published in the British Medical Journal based on a group of Finnish adolescents who were being treated for gender dysphoria between 1996 and 2019. So why have experts at WPATH taken a different view, in spite of their awareness of serious side effects and potentially fatal outcomes of the treatment they espouse?

The answer lies in one word: ideology. The new religion of gender identity is entirely faith-based, and so evidence that exposes its inherent dangers is dismissed outright by believers, even those with medical qualifications. The impact of all this is summarised by Mia Hughes in her report on the WPATH Files, in which she argues that the organisation has violated its ethical responsibilities:

“While there is a place in medicine for risky experiments, these can only be justified if there is a reliable, objective diagnosis, no other treatment options are available, and the outcome for a patient or patient group is dire. However, contrary to WPATH’s claims, the best available evidence suggests that gender medicine does not fall into this category.”

Given the fact that so many organisations have relied on WPATH’s “Standards of Care”, these revelations could be a game-changer. The ideological capture of medical institutions has resulted in reckless treatment of some of the most vulnerable in society. Patients need to understand the risks involved, and be able to make informed decisions. If nothing else, there must now be a serious reassessment of the validity of the “gender-affirming” model of healthcare.

Full details of the WPATH files can be found in the report by Mia Hughes for Environmental Progress. You can read it here.

--

[mpregfrance]

Hypermobile Françoise anon here! Apologies ahead of time for the long post :]

When Françoise realized she didn't fit being male at all, that was how I felt being female, before I realized I was transmasc. It just didn't work, for lack of better words. Being female just wasn't me. What I didn't explain correctly in my ask was the whole disconnect thing.

Y'know words hard and it being 1am xD

And I remember reading about her wanting to medically transition, and felt a large connection. I honestly cried because I felt so happy for her and cried because I want to someday be in her position, though I want to receive T instead of E.

Also in the last part of your ask, I do absolutely agree with it! For some, labels are freeing. For others, they are a cage. Gender is complex, but it is something that can be explored.

To reiterate: be yourself, do what is best for you and you alone!

hey babe!! nah no apologies needed ever!! also i saw ur other ask and i was not referring to you lmao that was a diff anon and i'm very curious to who it was?? i'll get to answering everything in my inbox soon... i need to write at some point today oops

as i said i think it was my mistake that the intended tone didn't really translate but it doesn't really matter bc it states a fact whichever way you look at it. it's really inspiring to hear that my silly lil writing evokes such strong feelings in my readers bc i actually worry so much that i don't convey enough emotion. sometimes i feel like i lost the part of my brain that allows me to be sentimental, i'm so apathetic irl.

anyway i do hope you can get your gender affirming care soon <3

even though i'm cis i can completely understand and relate to what you mean by something just not working. i tried so hard to be girly bc i wanted male attention. but it just doesn't feel right on me and when i started dressing and acting more butch i instantly felt much more comfortably in my own skin literally and figuratively. if you feel like you have to force yourself into something then it's probably wrong.

if something feels wrong for a day that's a fleeting sensation. i don't mean that in an invalidating way of course, like what i'm saying is that i think ppl need to realize that there's space for fluidity and experimentation without tacking a label on it. but if it's feeling wrong consistently then you should follow your intuition. looking for a label that fits you could be the first step to authentic self expression and self acceptance.

going back to the thing abt forcing an identity though. i feel like kids these days who are trying to figure themselves out are often peer pressured into an extreme flavor of identity politics that ultimately does more harm than good. but i'm not against microlabels literally do whatever you want. i actually love the fact that we're identifying sensations on the spectrums of orientation and finding words for them. i'm pretty conservative with what language i use personally. for example i don't use the word 'queer' bc to me there are better terms, but i'm not gonna say 'akshuly queer is a slur so no one should reclaim it'. i'm never against ppl using descriptors that make them feel empowered and seen.

[boldlygoingtolidl]

any other "experimental" piece of medicine that had less than 1% regret rate, was minimally invasive, completed the task it was made for with very few unwanted side effects would be lauded by the general public as a medical miracle and be demanded to be given freely to the patients who need it.

and yet here we are, hundreds of thousands of trans people dying on our waiting lists while neo-nazis shout how our meer existence is "experimental".

you can stuff your fingers in your ears and ignore reality as much as you want but it will never change the fact that hrt (and other gender affirming care) saves lives. no matter how genuine the concern, this fence sitting about our care only serves to power those who want to take it away. hrt saves lives

[xtruss]

What America Has Got Wrong About Gender Medicine? Too Many Doctors Have Suspended Their Professional Judgment

— Leaders | Trans Treatments | April 05, 2023

For many Americans, the great tragedy of trans rights is the story of how Republican governors and state legislatures are stigmatising some of society’s most put-upon people—all too often in a cynical search for votes. This newspaper shares their dismay at these vicious tactics. In a free society it is not the government’s place to tell adults how to live and dress, which pronouns to use, or what to do with their bodies.

However, nestled within that first tragedy appears to be a second—this time a tragedy of good intentions. On different sides of the Atlantic, medical experts have weighed the evidence for the treatment of gender-dysphoric children and teenagers, those who feel intense discomfort with their biological sex. This treatment is life-changing and can lead to infertility. Broadly speaking, the consensus in America is that medical intervention and gender affirmation are beneficial and should be more accessible. Across Europe several countries now believe that the evidence is lacking and such interventions should be used sparingly and need further study. The Europeans are right.

The number of children and teenagers diagnosed with gender dysphoria in America has soared. One estimate found that there were over 42,000 new diagnoses in 2021, three times the count in 2017. Gender-affirming care, as America understands it, stipulates counselling, which can lead to puberty-blocking drugs and subsequently cross-sex hormones (testosterone for girls and oestrogen for boys—used, by one estimate, in 10% of cases). Occasionally, there may be mastectomies and, very rarely in the under 18s, the construction of ersatz genitals from flaps of skin or pieces of bowel. The goal is to align the patient’s body with the way that they think about themselves.

Proponents say that the care is vital to the well-being of dysphoric children. Failure to provide it, they say, is transphobic, and risks patients killing themselves. The affirmative approach is supported by the American Academy of Paediatrics, and by most of the country’s main medical bodies.

Arrayed against those supporters are the medical systems of Britain, Finland, France, Norway and Sweden, all of which have raised the alarm, describing treatments as “experimental” and urging doctors to proceed with “great medical caution”. There is growing concern that, if teenagers are offered this care too widely, the harms will outweigh the benefits.

As we report in this week’s briefing, one concern is that doctors have changed the safeguards built into the original treatment design, devised in the Netherlands in the 1980s and 1990s. Twenty years ago, the typical patient was male, with a long history of dysphoria. Children and teenagers with psychological problems besides dysphoria were disqualified from treatment. These days most patients are adolescent girls. Their dysphoria may be relatively recent. Some are depressed, anxious or autistic, but mental illness is no longer a hard barrier to treatment. Do these patients respond to drugs and surgery in the same way?

It is unclear. And that is because the clinical evidence for intervention in broader categories of adolescents is vague. A formal British review of the clinical evidence, prepared in 2020, found that almost all the studies in this area were of poor quality; one in Sweden came to similar conclusions. When researchers find benefits, the effects tend to be small. It is often impossible to conclude whether they are lasting, or how much the credit is down to drugs or counselling or both. Some older studies suggest that, left alone, most children will naturally grow out of their dysphoric feelings. The long-term effects of puberty-blockers remain unknown, though there are worries about brain development and decreasing bone density.

Medical bodies build safeguards into their treatment protocols, but they vary. And in any case practitioners may ignore them. Whistle-blowers say that some children and teenagers are being put on puberty-blockers after only a cursory assessment. A growing number of “detransitioners”, who regret their treatment, say that they have been left scarred, infertile, with irreversibly altered appearances and were unhappy with how their dysphoria was treated.

America’s professional bodies acknowledge the science is low quality, but say they have a duty to alleviate patients’ mental anguish. Some patients suffer regret in all medical procedures, from knee surgery to liposuction. And they observe that the most shocking allegations about poor treatment are only anecdotes. Speaking on American radio last year, Rachel Levine, assistant secretary for health and a paediatrician, was very clear: “There is no argument among medical professionals…about the value and the importance of gender-affirming care.”

Except that there is. And when medical staff raise concerns—that teenage girls may be caught up in a social contagion, say, or that some parents see transition as a way to have a straight daughter rather than a gay son—they have been vilified as transphobic and, in some cases, suffered personal and professional opprobrium.

Medical science is not supposed to work this way. Treatments are supposed to be backed by a growing body of well-researched evidence that weighs the risks and benefits of intervention. The responsibility is all the heavier when treatments are irreversible and the decisions about whether to go ahead are being taken by vulnerable adolescents and their anxious parents.

What to do? To some, the uncertainties that surround medical interventions are grounds for an outright ban. In fact, the lack of evidence cuts both ways. Perhaps, when proper trials are complete, their proponents will be proved correct. The right policy is therefore the one Britain’s nhs and the Karolinska Institute in Sweden seem to be working towards. This would promote psychotherapy and reserve puberty-blockers and cross-sex hormones for a system in which patients would almost always be enrolled in a well-run clinical trial.

Ideally, American regulators would insist on trials, too. If the culture wars put that compromise out of reach, professional bodies should uphold their own protocols by welcoming whistle-blowers and advance science by calling on patients to be in trials. Sometimes, they will need to protest against illiberal laws. Above all, they should not add to the tragedy. ■

— This article appeared in the Leaders section of the print edition under the headline "The Dangers Of Gender Medicine"

[jwood718]

Mother Jones on the anti-trans bills taking the nation by storm, by Madison Pauly.

“It’s like they want to do as much damage to the trans community as they can.”

Heard about this on WBUR’s Here and Now, and the story is both surprising and not.  It’s not much of a secret these days that so much of what appears to be “home-grown” legislation at the state level is really so much “astroturf” promulgated by extremists.  The full story includes quotes and statements from the people involved in much of the anti-trans workings, endorsing these bits and pieces, taking out others to increase effect, and passing along the bills to other states’ representatives to enact.

Just some of the story:

“... please do not share this with the media. The longer we can fly under the radar the better.”  South Dakota  Republican state Rep. Fred Deutsch

“’...there is no such thing as a Trans kid’ said Jon Uhler, “a therapist who supports conversion therapy...”  Uhler sent correspondent Pauly “a series of social media posts comparing trans people and drag performers to sexual predators.”

Endocrinologist Michael Laidlaw “...compared gender-affirming care to Nazi experimentation and the Tuskegee Syphilis Study. In emails...he railed against doctors who prescribe puberty blockers...accusing them of 'willfully harming' children, even if kids and their parents consent to treatment. ‘The physician is the criminal in these scenarios and must be prosecuted by the law,’ he argued.”

No surprise, much of this astroturf agitation is spewed out by people on the far-religious right, with assistance from neoliberal think tanks like Heritage Foundation.   “Am stoked for what God is doing in Georgia,” said Vernadette Broyles, “the president and general counsel of a Georgia-based law firm called the Child & Parental Rights Campaign.”

WNYC’s Notes From America visited the anti-trans issue as well, and as I listened to the conversation, it hit me how much this is tied up with education: whether by chance (which doesn’t seem likely) or by design (possibly) the wave of bills across the U.S. that seek to restrict how children are taught very much ties in with the attempts to restrict people from just being themselves.  I -- um.

Full story from Mother Jones and Miranda Pauly

Full episode from Notes From America with [host] Kai Wright and guests Imara Jones and Henry Seaton on the history of anti-trans legislation.

[coochiequeens]

The liberal women using Biden’s administration to attack sex based protections for girls to benefit their sons are the flip side of conservative women who used the Trump administration to undermine Title IX protections for rape victims to benefit their sons.

Rachel Gonzales has been to the Texas Capitol at least a dozen times since 2017, when she advocated against a bill that would’ve banned her then-6-year-old transgender daughter, Libby, from using the girls’ bathroom.

That bill died in 2017, but the fight hasn’t stopped. Since January, Texas has considered 52 bills that target trans people, particularly youth, according to Equality Texas, an LGBTQ advocacy group in the state.

Parents like Gonzales and advocates have defeated all of the bills so far. But last week, during a third special legislative session, the Texas Senate passed a bill that would ban transgender student athletes in public schools from competing on school sports teams that align with their gender identity, as opposed to their sex assigned at birth.

State Sens. Bob Hall and Charles Perry, both Republicans, also refiled bills last week that would ban health care providers from providing trans children with gender-affirming health care — including therapy — and that could charge parents and doctors with child abuse if they provide such care for trans children.

Gonzales said she will continue to fight the bills, but she added that she is so burnt out by the last nine months that she doesn’t feel like an effective advocate.

“I joke, but it’s not really a joke, that I have definitely lost years off my life from this battle — the amount of stress, the physical manifestation of that stress and the mental anguish,” she said. “It’s so much of negotiating my own feelings in order to assure my kid that she’s going to be OK. But it’s terrifying that I don’t know if it’s going to be OK, and not just for her, but for other kids across the state, kids who cannot safely be out.”

It’s taken a mental and physical toll on her, she said, and other parents and advocates in the state say the same. They say they won’t stop, because they’re doing it for their kids, but they need more help.

‘It takes me hours to fall asleep’

Supporters of trans athlete bans in Texas say they are trying to protect fairness in women’s sports, though — like most supporters of similar bills — they haven’t been able to provide any examples in their state of trans girls jeopardizing fairness, according to LGBTQ advocates.

Proponents of bans on gender-affirming care such as puberty blockers say the care is “experimental” and that children are too young to receive it. But medical experts who provide gender-affirming care say it is supported by all relevant major medical organizations, such as the American Medical Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Psychological Association. Some of these groups note that gender-affirming care is backed by decades of research and has been used to treat cisgender kids experiencing precocious puberty, for example.

Parents like Gonzales have been fighting the bills so relentlessly because they say the proposals, whether they pass or not, have a devastating effect on trans youth in the state — especially youth who help advocate against them.

Libby, Gonzales’s 11-year-old daughter who is transgender, said the anti-trans bills reintroduced by Republican state senators make her “feel really scared and like they are trying to harm me in very terrible ways.”

She first became an activist at 6 years old, when conservatives in the state tried to pass a bill that would’ve banned her from using the girls’ restroom. Libby said being an advocate is important to her because if she wasn’t, “I would be really hurt, and people wouldn’t hear me.”

“It is very tiring,” she said. “Sometimes it takes me hours to fall asleep just because I’m so scared about these specific bills.”

Rebekah Bryant, who lives in Houston and has been to the Capitol six times this year to advocate against the bills, said they’ve also affected her 8-year-old trans daughter, Sunny.

Sunny has testified against the sports bills twice, in July and August. The first time she testified, she told the Senate committee she likes baseball, soccer, tennis and gymnastics, and that none of her teammates cared that she is trans.

“I’ve been with the same classmates for three years, and none of them knew I was trans until this year,” she said. “When my mom had to speak at the Capitol, they loved me just the same, because kids my age don’t care about that stuff. Kids care about what’s in your heart.”

“Only old people can’t see that,” she added, with a smile. Committee members, including Republicans, laughed, Bryant said.

The second time she testified, Sunny didn’t step up to the podium — which was taller than her — until 1 a.m. Afterward, when she and her mom got back to their hotel room, Sunny sat down on the bed and started crying.

”She said, ‘Why do so many people not like me?’” Bryant said. “And that’s the first time she’s expressed any pain toward this. I was exhausted, and I just said to her, ‘Look, there are way more people there that love you. … There are so many more people in the world that are on your side than aren’t. Those people are the outliers.’”

She said Sunny developed anxiety afterward. Though it’s slowly gone away, Bryant hasn’t brought Sunny to the Capitol again.

Advocates say the rhetoric used in the bills has also had a negative effect on the mental health of transgender — as well as lesbian, gay, bisexual and queer — youth statewide.

For example, between Jan. 1 and Aug. 30, crisis calls from LGBTQ young people in Texas increased 150 percent compared to the same period last year, according to data shared last week by The Trevor Project, an LGBTQ youth suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization. About 4,000, or 36 percent of all contacts from Texas, came from transgender or nonbinary youth.

The Trevor Project added that while the volume of crisis contacts “can not be attributed to any one factor (or bill),” a qualitative analysis of the crisis contacts found that “transgender and nonbinary youth in Texas have directly stated that they are feeling stressed, using self-harm, and considering suicide due to anti-LGBTQ laws being debated in their state.”

The Trans Lifeline, the country’s first transgender crisis hotline, also saw a 72 percent increase in calls from Texas in May — when state lawmakers first considered about a dozen anti-trans bills — when compared to May 2020, according to data shared with NBC News. In July, when the legislation was reconsidered, Trans Lifeline saw a 19 percent increase in calls from Texas.

Adri Pèrez, policy and advocacy strategist for LGBTQ equality at the American Civil Liberties Union of Texas, said it’s unclear whether Texas’ trans athlete ban will pass the House and become law and that its passage “shouldn’t be the focal point.”

“The larger issue, I think, is out of the state of Texas there is a lot of misinformation about transgender people and transgender youth, specifically,” Pèrez said. “The work is not necessarily inside of the Texas Legislature; it’s outside of it. And what we’re doing to help humanize trans people and trans youth to those who have never met a transgender person or a transgender kid, that would be the most effective firewall for these bills. It’s not letting that misinformation take hold at all.”

Whether someone knows a transgender person can significantly affect their views on legislation such as trans athlete bans, according a survey released Thursday by the nonprofit Public Religion Research Institute. A slim majority of Americans who know a transgender person (52 percent), compared to one-third of Americans who do not know anyone who is transgender (33 percent), believe that a transgender girl should be allowed to compete in high school sports with cisgender female students.

PRRI also noted that support for trans people participating in sports has declined since 2018. About one-third, or 36 percent, of Americans believe that trans girls should be allowed to participate in sports with their cisgender classmates, compared to 50 percent in 2018.

Physical, mental and financial strain

Parents who are transgender advocates say Texas’ last few legislative sessions have been particularly difficult for them, too.

Bryant said this is the first year she’s become more active, and it has taken an emotional and financial toll on her family. She said she has to take off work to travel to the Capitol, which is about a 3 1/2-hour drive away, and she often has to book a hotel room. All told, she said she’s spent close to $3,000 going back and forth to the Capitol just this year.

”It’s just so draining, because it’s not only just sitting there and waiting, but it’s sitting there and listening to people lie about you and your family — people that have never met a person who’s trans in their life and really haven’t walked the walk that all of us have,” she said.

Recently, many parents and advocates have been hitting “a wall,” said Linzy Foster, who is from Austin and has been to the Capitol about a dozen times this year to advocate on behalf of her 7-year-old trans daughter.

“The general population who usually are all on board and showing up and fighting for these things, they’re getting fatigued, and there’s also so many things to fight now,” she said. “We’re beginning to feel more and more lonely.”

Many of the advocates described being at the Capitol as traumatic. Annaleise Cothron, whose 8-year-old is nonbinary, said one day she went to the Capitol and the supporters of anti-trans bills called her child “a freak” and “disgusting.”

“While I would never tell my child that, just hearing that from somebody else is really emotionally taxing, and my child doesn’t deserve that,” she said. “People need to understand that’s the level of vitriol that we’re facing just going to the Capitol to say, ‘Please leave us alone. Please leave our community alone.’ This isn’t about politics; this is about human beings.”

More than just sports

Though the parents and advocates believe that trans kids have a right to play on the sports teams that match their gender identity, they said their advocacy is about more than just sports.

“Just the conversation of whether or not my child should exist in public school sports and whether or not other kids should bully them for who they are — that’s the conversation that this legislative body is inviting by entertaining these bills,” Cothron said.

She said the other bills that Republicans have reintroduced or plan to reintroduce that could charge her with child abuse for providing her child with access to gender-affirming care prove that the conversation is about more than fairness in sports.

“This is about the broader conversation of saying whether or not a transgender child should exist in Texas and access public services,” she said.

For now, the parents say they are leaning on each other for support.

“The only reason I’m doing OK, to be honest with you, is because in all of this I have met these amazing people in this community who show up, and we support one another,” Foster said. “We have moments of levity even in the trauma that we’re dealing with when we’re in the Capitol, being able to make each other laugh, knowing that you’re loved, knowing that you’re supported. That is the only thing that’s keeping me going.”

CORRECTION (Sept. 30, 2021, 8:30 a.m. ET): A previous version of this article misspelled the last name of one of the advocates. She is Rachel Gonzales, not Gonzalez.

If Rachel Gonzales spends so much time and energy being a trans advocate on behalf of her oldest how much energy is left over for her daughter Cecilia? And Libby was trans when she was 6? Really?

Is someone going to tell Rebekah Bryant that her kids teammates might not mind playing with Sunny when they are all 8 but once puberty hits the girls will notice a real difference? And did anyone notice the caption for the photo of the Bryant family? Sunny got to be her but the sibling was just sibling, not brother or sister.

[uncanny-tranny]

Some surgeries ARE experimental though. I don’t mean that only in regards to gender-affirming care. Drs and surgeons don’t always know what they are doing (speaking as someone who works a medical profession in a hospital), especially with “newer” procedures, so it’s not meant to be insulting or transphobic, but rather a truth about the medical field in that some surgeries are, indeed, experimental, and potentially really dangerous. Trans friends deserve safety and good healthcare, hopefully research continues to help improve the safety of at-present experimental procedures.

Okay, yes, that's nice, but in that post, I was specifically referring to people who call all trans surgery and procedures "experimental". It is transphobic to call all trans care experimental because it is a way to delegitimize the fact that trans healthcare is very much not a new process. Hormones and surgery - including bottom surgery - have had a very long history of alterations to procedure to the point that a blanket statement of "it's experimental - don't ever ever ever get it!" seems to just be scaremongering.

Like, yes, research on trans healthcare is very much welcome. I want to see a world where we can do trans research without any fear. I want more information on how to treat a variety of trans bodies.

But I have noticed so many times that people call trans healthcare specifically "experimental" because it is trans healthcare - not because a procedure is actually in the process of research. That's what is transphobic about it.

[sapphos-catpanions]

the ftm ed tag has taken years off my life. i can’t believe how closely the two track each other, how completely these girls integrate “gw” and “transition goals”, how absolutely the same is the single minded obsession that drives them to lower and lower weights as the obsession that drives them to gender clinics. they broke my heart: teenage girls wanting top surgery to hurt them, wanting to ache from hunger, starvation to stop their breasts from growing, testosterone to stop the blood from coming.

how many of them sexual abuse victims, how many of them witnesses to assaults on their mothers, how many of them incest survivors? it is so incredibly clear to an outsider how very much they are NOT “boys trapped in girls bodies.”

when i was a girl it was at least understood that girls like this needed people to fucking care about them, not experimental surgeries and hormones. now it’s all about “affirming” and tracking these girls into entire lifetimes of medical intervention, infertility, sexual dysfunction, etc. i don’t see any signs of this slowing down and i want to cry when i think about it.

[carpathxanridge]

so i finally read the arkansas bill so i could form a better argument surrounding it. because i’ve seen so much dishonest framing of it that is super blatant, and i’ve seen complete misinformation being spread (claims that it bans mental healthcare for trans kids, claims that children don’t currently have access to any “gender affirming” surgeries when they literally do with parental consent, claims that there are no side effects or long term health risks of puberty blockers, etc.) but i did want to read the bill itself to make sure it is something i can defend, or at least qualify the parts i don’t agree with... and it’s so completely reasonable and necessary that i’m actually going insane. when you look up “arkansas trans bill” literally every other headline uses the wording “kill trans kids.” just compare that to the name of the bill which is the “save adolescents from experimentation act” lol. both are obviously politically charged but it’s telling that little coverage on this cite the bill’s actual name, knowing it would likely ring alarm bells in the audience that something is missing from the story. i bet most people railing against it on social media havent read it, or if they have they’ve read it very selectively and don’t have any factual evidence to refute the part of the bill that very clearly explain its reasoning and why it’s a matter of medical experimentation in minors incapable of consenting. they also must be selectively ignoring the parts of the bill that state that these restrictions only apply to very clearly defined transition procedures, not mental health care! and do not apply to the treatment of any complications from prior procedures (regardless of the legality under which those were performed), meaning that it is a huge and obvious lie that trans kids will be abandoned by the medical system under this bill.

and i don’t know if i just missed it when reading, or if it was part of a different bill: but where is the part that forces schools to out trans students? because i am obviously against that, since it’s obvious child endangerment and there’s no good argument to legislate against social transition for children anyway—but a lot of media coverage will have you believe that kind of measure is wrapped up in this big evil anti-trans bill, when the bill is actually very specific to medical intervention in minors. if someone actually knows what legislation that was from (because i hope it wasn’t just pulled out of thin air), i’d really appreciate it. and another part of the bill i was a bit unclear on was the medicaid/healthcare coverage section—i gathered that the restriction only applied to coverage for minors, but section 4c seems to generally state that insurance isn’t required to cover gender transition. but i’ll be honest i don’t know the current situation of insurance coverage for transition in arkansas.

also, i do agree with criticisms that this bill could be very damaging to the mental health of trans teenagers already receiving hrt, not from an inflammatory perspective but a common sense one of compassion. there really needs to be robust mental health services and medical observation in place when taking a kid off of hormones, or when cancelling surgeries they’d already scheduled and were putting a lot of hope in. because i’ve read adult detransitioners talk about the uncertainty of coming off hormones, and how their medical providers really didn’t have much knowledge over how it would affect them, how there are withdrawal symptoms coming off of testosterone and many considerations— so imagine that happening to a minor who wants to remain on hormones. and many kids rely on the thought of transition in the future as a big source of hope and a way of coping with present dysphoria and suicidal ideation. so this bill is likely to put them in a very dangerous mental state—and that’s why the trans community’s rhetoric of the inevitability of trans suicidality is incredibly irresponsible right now, because the kids currently facing this absolutely do not need to hear that they will unavoidably kill themselves if not allowed to continue/start transition. but it’s difficult because this legislation is still a necessary step, and the medical negligence was in allowing kids to undergo medical transition in the first place. i just wonder if there could be a more tactful way to go about phasing out medical transition for teenagers already receiving it. (above a certain age, because the use of puberty blockers needs to be stopped immediately.)

i highly recommend everyone read any bill that is being disputed and form opinions for yourself, especially as many states are introducing similar bills that are branded as “anti-trans.” decide for yourself what is and isn’t reasonable. legislation isn’t always inaccessible—a lot is perfectly understandable and written in pretty plain english. and even if you need the help of secondary source news coverage to understand more complicated laws or the issues raised by them that might not be obvious in the text, you still benefit by attempting to read the actual legislation and by reading news coverage critically. it’s typically a good hint if you come away from a critical article agreeing with the criticisms without any understanding of what the bill actually and specifically includes, which most media coverage of arkansas hb1570 is guilty of.

[disgruntledkittenface]

🌱Whoever, However by @twopoppies​ (E, 8k, camboy AU, amateur porn, strangers to lovers, exhibitionism, feminization, the fishnet Harry fic we needed, gorgeous writing, supremely hot and tender!)

🌷into joy i’m sailing by @hereforlou​ (E, 4k, established relationship, the one where Harry’s wearing a dress but he didn’t mean to, gentle and soft but hot af too!)

🤍close enough to touch, but I never cared for love by @femstyles​ (T, under 1k, friends with benefits, pining, inspired by Only the Brave, so evocative, packs such an emotional punch, not a word wasted, just beautiful)

🌱Perfect Now by @hazzabeeforlou​ (E, 7k, exes to lovers, gender dysphoria, angst with a happy ending, intimate, beautiful characterization of the song, very angsty but so ultimately worth it!)

🌷The Altar Is My Hips by @hypersoniclesbian​ (E, 4k, girl direction, zourry, threesome, D/s, voyeurism, photoshoot, so hot, loved the dynamics between the three of them)

🤍Out of Paradise by whimsicule (WIP, M, 43k, historical AU, post-WWI Berlin, detective Harry, intriguing, tension building, really well written)

🌱Missed Connection by @littlelouishiccups​ (E, 39k, American AU, strangers to friends to lovers, friends with benefits, now completed!!, NOT A DRILL THIS IS PEAK SOULMATE AU MY FRIENDS)

🌷Need So Much of You by @lululawrence​ (NR, 46k, canon divergence, famous/famous, fake relationship AU, friends to lovers, this fic will make you squee and flail and feel all of the things!!)

🤍More of a Comment Than a Question by @a-brighter-yellow​ (E, 8k, strangers to lovers, fan convention AU, actors AU, fluff, resolved sexual tension and how, a thoroughly engaging and delightful read with humor and feels!)

🌱let me be yours by @louhearted​ (E, 6k, established relationship, light D/S, daddy kink, beautiful, decadent imagery, affirming, hot as hell)

🌷you change, water sea by @silverfoxlouis​ (E, 4k, ziam, first time, sexual experimentation, squirting, funny and hot, will break your heart for liam but will also heal you!!)

🤍Sour/Sharp/Salty/Sweet by @homosociallyyours​ (E, 5k, strangers to lovers, tattoo artist Harry, Hairy Styles Pubefest 2020, endearing and sweet and hot as fuck)

🌱See Me In A Crown by @star55​ (T, 2k, girl direction, royal AU, established relationship, allusions to grief, sweet and lovely and just perfect)

🌷Nailed By Louis by @haztobegood​ (E, 6k, enemies to lovers, Instagram, misunderstandings, fluff, honestly delightful, and hot too!!)

🤍What You’re Signing On For by @a-brighter-yellow​ (M, 29k, The OC S4 AU, enemies to friends to lovers, fake relationship, such emotional arcs, hilarious)

[dutchess-t]

Translation of this article in the Dutch Newspaper AD.

“More research on sex changes in young people under the age of 18 is urgently needed. Doctors who provide transgender care in Nijmegen and Amsterdam say they know too little about the target group and the long-term effects. In the meantime, they feel pressured by the long waiting lists. “All the research out there comes from ourselves.”

In Britain, the lack of scientific support has now led to a ban on sex reassignment hormones for young people. It doesn’t have to come to that in the Netherlands, says Thomas Steensma of the Center of Expertise on Gender Dysphoria at Amsterdam UMC. “But more research is really necessary, and very much needed.”

Because what is behind the large increase of children who have suddenly registered for transgender care since 2013? And what is the quality of life for this group long after the sex change? There is no answer to those questions. And that must happen, think Steensma and his colleagues from Nijmegen.

“We don’t know whether studies we have done in the past can still be applied to this time. Many more children are registering, and also a different type, ”says Steensma. “Suddenly there are many more girls applying who feel like a boy. While the ratio was the same in 2013, now three times as many children who were born as girls register, compared to children who were born as boys.”

The explosive increase in requests for transgender care simply requires a new investigation. Around 2010, for example, around 150 to 200 transgender people were seen every year in the Amsterdam UMC. Now there are 775, with a two-year waiting list on top of that. Research into that small group of people from before 2013 may not apply to the large group that is here now. And here the help of other countries is also needed. “We conduct structural research in the Netherlands. But the rest of the world is blindly adopting our research. While every doctor or psychologist who engages in transgender health care should feel the obligation to do a proper assessment before and after intervention ”

Nijmegen is helping lower the waiting list

Meanwhile, there are huge waiting lists for transgender care. One year ago, the Radboud UMC Amalia children’s hospital in Nijmegen responded to a call from the ministry to help get rid of the enormous waiting list in Amsterdam. About 175 children have been seen in Nijmegen since the start. 30 percent of them received puberty blockers after a series of interviews. This medication prevents the onset of puberty and may be given from the moment the child shows signs of puberty. From 11 years old at the earliest.

When children have reached the age of 15, they may also take cross-sex hormones in consultation with doctors and their parents. This gives a girl, for example, beard growth and a boy breasts.

It is still unclear whether these administered hormones affect the fertility of boys and girls. “We just don’t know,” says Steensma. “Little research has been done so far on treatment with puberty blockers and hormones in young people. That is why it is also seen as experimental. We are one of the few countries in the world that conducts ongoing research about this. In the United Kingdom, for example, only now, for the first time in all these years, a study of a small group of transgender people has been published. This makes it so difficult, almost all research comes from ourselves.” So this article was published in a Dutch newspaper two weeks ago. As you may know, the Dutch model for transgender care is the affirmation model that is currently being adopted throughout the Western world. Until now the media has been very silent about this topic. If these treatments are in the news, it’s always about the long waiting lists. The same journalist published a second article the day after this one, again featuring an interview with Steensma, as well as a few others in this field. It’s a lot worse than this one. I’ll post the translation of that one too.

[doctorgerth]

Matchup for @inma-r

I am currently changing my full name ( yay!!) so you may call me Ellegard ! I’m a 20yo gemini, and I really don’t have a preference for a matchup...Men and women are both my type ! However it’s important for me to feel really attracted and connected on an emotional level to feel any want for anything sexual no matter the gender, flings and hookups makes me uncomfortable...about kinks and interests, I have a very strong praise kink both giving and receiving, I can’t name anything that turns me on more than feeling wanted, or making the other feeling desirable. I must sounds pretty basic with my vanilla sex and praises kink but...I just can’t get into it without words full of genuine love and reassurance. Pegging a man ? Yes, please. But I have to tell him how good he’s doing. A woman gently choking or me is very sexy but not without her telling me she loves me. I’m a switch, but a bit more on the submissive side sometimes, I like being taken care of after a day of work. And about that, aftercare is a must. I have this weird feeling of sadness and insecurity after sex, nothing serious, but cuddles no talk needed do makes me feel a lot better. Overall, I’m willing to try a lot of kinks, pretty much anything, as long as extreme pain is out of the picture and praises are involved. I do like hairs on my partner, happy trails makes my legs’ weak I admit, but on myself I kinda adapt to the other want. Shaving or waxing, full body or not, don’t really care, don’t mind doing it at all. I do need however good hygiene ( it that how we say in english ? ) that’s like the bare minimum I think haha.

Inmaaaaa you precious angel! 🥺 So very honored to write a matchup for you. I really hope you enjoy 💕 And congrats on changing your name!!

Your match is...

Vivi (Aquarius)

This is a perfect match because you two desire the same things when it comes to sexual encounters! Vivi isn’t one for flings and one night stands, she craves emotional intimacy and that can only happen with someone she loves and trusts. And guess what? That person is you! You two are textbook best friends turned lovers and it really shows in your sex life. You two know each other so well and it didn’t take long for the both of you to explore each other’s bodies to figure out what each of you like best. Vivi has a bit of an insatiable appetite, so she will keep you exhausted, but she just loves expressing her adoration for you in all the physical ways possible! 

Your sex is much more than physical of course. Vivi shares a praise kink with you and she’ll even play the “princess” card on you if you’re into that. But, that won’t ever stop her from praising you. She’s crazy about you and she is extremely eloquent with her words, easily able to express her love and gratitude for you in the most romantic ways possible. She knows just how to make you feel desirable and they’re never just words, they’re always genuine praises of adoration! She’ll have you feeling like the most amazing person on the planet with both her words and her sex. 

Vivi doesn’t usually like to get rough with you, but if you ask her to, she’s willing to try. It took her some adjustment, figuring what was too rough and what was too weak, but after lots of experimenting, you guys have found a perfect balance! And though Vivi is usually a sub, when her dom side comes out, she truly knows how to rock your world. She can get into the choking and the biting, and it really works for her because her gentle words paired with her aggressive touches is insanely sexy. She knows how to take care of you while also absolutely wearing you out. Begging is a newfound kink of hers, she can’t get enough of you whining for her to spank you harder among other things. It’s never excessive of course, just enough to bring that pleasurable, addictive sting of pain. With you, she’s truly found her inner dom and she has so much fun with this new side of her! That goes to show that she can be just as experimental as you. You two like to keep things interesting and exciting in the bedroom and what with your constant desire to express your love, you two just end up trying new things and discovering so many other kinks you hadn’t considered before. You two are never bored with each other in the bedroom!

After care is Vivi’s specialty. Even after sessions when she was particularly rough with you, she goes extra gentle mode as soon as the sex is over. She’ll clean everything up and hold you close, probably order room service and anything else you could need or want after your intimate sessions. Post-sex Vivi is the softest, most tender Vivi you could possibly get. She’s entirely aware of your insecurities after sex, so she’ll be sure to continue to give you all of her attention, reassuring you with soft touches and words of affirmation to make sure you feel utterly loved and cared for. She never tires of expressing how wonderful you are and how in love she is with you. 

The only negative side to your sex life is when you two are both in a sub mood. Lots of compromising has to be made and thankfully, you two have enough switch between the both of you to overcome this small little obstacle. This usually just leads to really lazy sex where you two are just taking your time to please one another. Overall, you two have lots of fun conveying your intense love for one another in all the physical (and verbal) ways! 

Other potential suitors: 

Tashigi (Libra) - Another gentle lover, Tashigi loves to please you and take care of you like the most precious treasure on the planet. She’s a bit shy when it comes to praising you, but this gets better over time. She’s very cute and blushy when you praise her! Tashigi is also great at aftercare, pouring continuous love and care into easing you out of your anxious post-sex states. You two share a very deep, emotional bond that blossomed well before you two decided to have sex. Now that you two are active, this bond shines tenfold during intimacy! She doesn’t really have it in her to get rough with you, so she leaves the roughness to you when you decide to be a dom.

Law (Libra) - Though Law is a switch, he’s plenty comfortable with mostly being a dom around you. He’s a bit embarrassed with giving lots of romantic praises, so he just sticks to dirty talk that is honestly enough to make you feel like the sexiest goddamn person on the planet. Receiving praises from you? He could never get enough of that and he will do whatever it takes to spur as much out of you as possible. When you’re in a dom mood, Law is 1000000% down to get pegged by you. He never thought he’d be into something like that until he met you. After care is a hit or miss with this fella. Sometimes he’s super cuddly and other times he wants to return to work. But, he always makes sure you’re in a good mood before he disappears!

Nojiko (Leo) - Of your other female matches, Nojiko has an easier tendency to be your dom. She knows your limits, so she will never be too aggressive, but boy does she love roughing you up a bit! She’s also killer at praising. Her words are so loving and reassuring, all the while so dirty it’s nearly embarrassing! She’s also pretty great about aftercare and will provide you with all the comfort you need to not be so insecure. She’s thankful you’re not very chatty afterwards as she much prefers to just simply hold you close and drift off to sleep!

[spidergwenistrans]

I'm sure lots of people have talked about this already, but I think it's really shady the way only parts of transition healthcare are ever covered by so many insurance providers. I'm talking both public and private here.

I want to be very clear about the fact that I'm arguing we add any additional roadblocks or gatekeeping to transition care. All I want to argue for here is that more options be available.

In Ontario, I was able to access HRT through an informed consent process, which means I proved to my doctor that I understood the limitations, side effects, and risks associated with estrodial and cyproterone, the meds I take.

I was lucky, this wasn't my GP's first time with this, so he knew what to do, I didn't have to educate him on the basics of it. He has his limitations, and eventually I want to see an endocrinologist about progesterone, and long term management of my hormones, especially post bottom surgery.

In lots of places, it's way harder to access even HRT. In the UK for example, my understanding is that you need to see a specialist, and GPs are generally unwilling to prescribe HRT even in the interim before seeing a specialist.

As far as I know, the UK is the only publicly funded health care system that covers gamete preservation for trans people, though it's not a part of the system I hear much about. Obviously the UK system has lots of issues, but on paper it sounds like it should be the best one to be trans in.

OHIP (Ontario's system) won't cover HRT for lots (most?) people, because OHIP doesn't really cover medication for anyone from 26-64(?). It does allow your doctor to prescribe you hormones, which was a big win. It also allows bottom and top surgery to be covered, but each has to be approved individually, according to the page listing the requirements.

The fact that top surgery to remove breast tissue has to be approved, but breast reduction is covered automatically, and all you have to say is that it prevents you from living the life you want (essentially, there's a specific wording, but any good surgeon will coach you during a consult, as my friend learned).

I don't want this to read as me thinking we should add gatekeeping to breast reduction, I just want to call out the double standard here.

Meanwhile, all of the trans affirming surgeries require 2 seperate assessments, by 2 health care providers, stating you have a diagnosis of persistent gender dysphoria. They also have that classic requirement: "have completed 12 continuous months of hormone therapy (unless hormones are not recommended) you have lived 12 continuous months in the gender role you identify with (for genital surgery only)."

These are a big improvement, for Ontario at least, over what they used to be. We used to be required to see a psychologist, which meant a 6+ month wait list just to get an initial assessment, followed by probably several appointments, hen being sent back to your GP before finally getting a referral to a (the, at the time) surgeon.

Under current requirements, I could probably see my doctor, and then a nurse practitioner with his office and get my surgery approval submitted in less than a month. Of course, that doesn't mean I'd be seeing a surgeon all that quickly, especially right now.

I'm supposed to talk to my doctor on Tuesday about getting this process started, so that's exciting, if a little terrifying, it feels like the biggest step in my transition so far.

I'm kind of rambling here, the thing I really wanted to talk about was what isn't covered.

There's no support for gamete saving, which kind of amounts to a form of mass coerced sterilisation, since many of us can't afford to save our gametes on our own, especially before we even start transition, and we know the hormones will probably make us infertile as long as we're on them. I know for me, I don't think I could tolerate the 3+ months off hormones required to produce viable gametes again.

I probably could have waited a couple more to start if I'd been trying to save gametes then, but there was no way I could afford it on my own, and I'd be wanting to start them for months at that point, and only waited until I came out to my family. I'm personally not that upset about never having children from my own gametes, it doesn't bother me that much, it's not being able to carry them that hurts more. But my personal feelings about this don't mean that I shouldn't have had the option??

The other thing that isn't covered, which really bothers me, is facial surgery. I know that masculising face surgery is in a very different place than feminising face surgery, but I'm going to speak from the perspective of a trans gal that wants FFS, I can't speak to wanting FMS, trans masc folks who know more than me feel free to comment, or link to other people talking about it. I don't think it's exactly my place to talk about it, and I really just don't know very much anyways.

Bottom surgery being covered is so incredibly important to so many of us, but the idea that bottom surgery should be covered, but face surgery shouldn't is wild to me? Ultimately, they're both somewhat cosmetic, but you know what else is? Brushing your teeth. Bad tooth health will eventually ruin your life, and so will dysphoria, so why can't we cover a surgery that would deal with a major source of dysphoria?

FFS procedures are not especially new or experimental, lots of cis women have some of these procedures as well. From a safety-via-passing perspective, FFS is probably more important than bottom surgery for at least some trans women.

I don't mean to say that we should all have it, or that anyone's priorities are wrong, personally even if both were free, I would still get bottom surgery first. I also don't want to imply that passing should be a goal, requirement, or something everyone, or even anyone should strive for. But, it's sometimes useful to frame things for the cis people that still get to make these decisions about our bodies, to be able to understand why it matters to us when it does.

In an ideal world, trans kids won't be forced to go through the wrong puberty, and hopefully some of these surgeries will be less and less necessary, but I don't think we'll be there for a while, and even if we get there, there will probably always be adults who realise their transness long after puberty.

[candyclan]

Coming out letter to my mom. (FTM) At the start of my transition, I wanted to go by a name that started with an “A”because my birthname did. All the rest of it is basically the same.

THE TRUTH:

I didn’t scream “I am a boy” at my parents. Honestly, my mother (specifically) controlled a lot of what I did, who I hung out with, and what I wore as a child. I believe she has/had an idea about what she wanted out of a daughter since I was born, and really just lived through me. I think she eventually had to give me room to make my own decisions, later in life. I didn’t come out until I was 16, although I had spent 6 months prior to even coming out thinking about my gender identity. I was extremely sheltered. I want you guys to know that I didn’t know what being transgender was until I was a freshman in high school and met my best friend (who is STILL MY BEST FRIEND TODAY) who identified as Non-binary gender fluid. I had never really met someone AFAB that lived to be anything other than female. With that came the knowledge that sometimes, men don’t necessarily have to have penises and I can wear whatever I’m comfortable with. I used to be religious in middle school (raised Christian) but I never found god. It never made sense to me how so many people can put their faith in other people’s ideas of what god is (the Bible) but not listen when their real CHILD comes to them and tells them that they feel uncomfortable in their gender identity. I also came out as bisexual in middle school, after meeting a girl I had a fancy for. To which my mother sobbed and cried and asked how she had failed as a parent. I remember loving pink, it was my favorite color. Pink, purple, blue. My top 3. Now it’s blue, pink, purple but basically the same. I had a pink room, loved hello kitty, let my mom curl my hair with little curlers at night so I could wake up and be somebody different the next day. My brother played with carebears and my Barbie dolls more than I did as a child. I remember a toy gun and handcuffs. I was fairly experimental as a child, I did: Girl Scouts, swimming, piano, soccer, ballet, cheerleading, and more honestly. I always got “boy” toys at McDonald’s (I mean cmon they’re cooler) I just was kinda everywhere. I feel like that’s easier for someone AFAB to be. My brother was harassed by my family for liking girly things but I was never shown that I couldn’t like stereotypical “boy things” by extended family. My mother however in the line at McDonalds I could never forget, turned and looked at me (baseball cap backwards tank top and shorts)and said “So, what?” “Are you batting for the other team” implying that because of the clothes I liked to wear I would be a lesbian. My mother (like I said, kinda controlling and extremely narcissistic) when I was allowed to cut my hair super short for the first time I was 16. Afterwards she has said things like: “but you’re so pretty how could you have cut your hair” “you looked so nice with long hair” I never felt akin to femininity. I was actually VERY uncomfortable with it. I hated being the “weaker” gender. I never wanted my nails painted. It was torture. I acted like makeup and and nail polish was torture, the hairbrush was my enemy. I used to just put my hair up in a low ponytail every day as I got older. I knew she’d never let me cut it all off. Basically, other than wanting to grow up strong and tough and not liking to be treated like a female, I was female. There were parts of being female I didn’t really have a problem with, and honestly that’s why I didn’t come out for so long. I wasn’t in a house or raised by people I knew would accept anything other than me being their “little girl” I was a daddies girl. So between my lack of understanding of where my feelings towards my gender roles were coming from, being encouraged by my family to be girly, not being exposed to gender diversity (or anything queer), and my controlling mother, I remained in the dark about who I was.

TRIGGER WARNING:::(abuse)::::: I was never close with my mother, and actually hated her growing up. To this day she is the most judge mental, self-centered woman I know. My father was funny, charismatic, and lost his shit sometimes. I like to say, 90% of the time he was amazing. We made jokes and could literally finish each other’s sentences. But honestly my father, 10% of the time was abusive. Most of my abuse in my life was covert (narcissistic abuse from my mother) and verbal/emotional/barely physical abuse from my father. He’s 6”3’ 350 lbs and very loud and scary, especially to a young child. He punched a hole in my wall, he threw a remote at a wall and shattered it to pieces, he threatened to kill my dog with a baseball bat in front of me. Which I swear to god he would have done if I wasn’t holding my dog, protecting him. These moments were few and far between, but they were riddled with insults and almost always left me with less than I started with. My father did spank my brother and I, and one time he clapped my brother so well that he left a purple hand mark on his butt. My mother told my father she’d take us away if that happened again. My father never left marks. He never had to, he was so big and would just get up in my face and scream at me. He made me feel helpless. Because he was invading my space I felt physically threatened, and he never actually had to touch me and leave bruises because that threat was already implied by invading my space. I was so young, but I always knew my family wasn’t right. Finally at 16, I stood up to my father for the first time. I didn’t care if he was bigger than me, I didn’t care if I would lose, I was willing to fight for me. Anyway, long story short the police were called because we were screaming at each other in front of his apartment building. I’m not going to say I didn’t fuck up as a teenager, but I never deserved the pressure and the abuse he was dishing out and had dished out my whole life. I knew that. I cut him out of my life just after turning 16, by then I had been questioning my identity. It became easier after leaving my father to fall into who I was. My father is FAIRLY religious and my mother claims to be but she never talks about god, she never prays, and now that my father and her are divorced I don’t think she’s been inside a church since. Losing my father was a lot, despite his abuse he and I were really close and had really similar personalities. The reality of abuse isn’t “well, now I see them as an abuser so now none of that good stuff is left it’s all tainted” I had to struggle with losing someone very important in my life at a young age, for myself.

Arguments against me being trans:

My family has been a bit divided in responding to me coming out. By now, it’s been about 4 years.

My mother and her side of the family are in denial. They don’t understand how I can’t be a “lesbian that just likes boy things”. They don’t use my name or pronouns.

My father, what little communication I have with him now, is bewildered. He and I had a discussion this past Christmas where I brought up what his abuse did to me mentally and he apologized but then tried to say “well what about your part in all of this” and said that I was hanging out with crazy depressed people, cutting myself, doing drugs, (I was smoking weed and I’ve tried acid like once piss off) and was sneaking out. Yeah. I did do all of that BUT GUESS WHAT. IM 20. I go where I wanna go. I fuck who I wanna fuck. I smoke what I want and guess what? It’s not any different from when I was 16 except now I don’t have parents up my ass telling me what to do. His argument basically was that I need to own up to what I did too and that fucking angered me. You don’t apologize and then go “well what about you” that’s not an apology. That’s deflection and honestly I don’t think I need to apologize because my parents were super controlling. I was just trying to do what I wanted and they didn’t like it. He and I have talked about me being trans and he pretty much thinks I’m certifiable. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

My brother: Ethan, my brother and I have always been close. He’s 17 now, and he had a different reaction to me being trans. Of all of my family he was the most receptive to my pleas of gender dysphoria and he suffers with anxiety so he gets stuff. But alas, after asking him if he’d call me by my name and pronouns (after 4 years of being out) he thinks that I am the one that has an issue with society. I told him I was starting T soon and he said: “Hrt won’t lessen all the things that come with being transgender. If you feel like doing hormones is the best for you then do it, but from a logical standpoint I think there just needs to be more thickening of skin” he claimes that if I try hard enough I could be fine living as female. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

None of my family supports me. None of my family understands. And none of them ever will. I have been out for four fucking years. I can’t tell you how frustrating family rejection can be. I have cried so much at the idea of not having a supportive family. I feel like I was ripped away from a beautiful life somewhere and thrust into this mess.

Honestly though, it doesn’t matter, the world keeps spinning and I keep finding people who love and accept me for who I truly am. I have made peace with my family’s lack of acceptance. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. Made me want to be better than them. I am actually going to start hormones soon, and on top of other fears I have, will be cutting my family out of my life. I can’t be 25 with a full beard and getting misgendered by my family. I can’t do it. They may feel like I’m going too far, that I don’t have to do this, but I do. I’m not doing this because I didn’t get too much attention as a kid or my mom favored my brother over me, I’m not doing this because it’s cool, I’m not doing this because I’m bored, I’m not doing this because I hate myself or anyone else. This is AFFIRMATION. Sometimes, cutting people who can’t see you for who your really are out of your life is affirming too.

Guys, girls, people, keep your head up. Things get better, I know. I thought life was never going to get better so I know that’s what it can feel like. But it does. Never ever let someone control your life or who you are. You’re beautiful/handsome/amazing! You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to love who you are. I am getting there, we all are.

Love,

Tanner M.