#general self hatred

[dadbodbensisko-moved]

[smoreboi]

warnings in the tags

really want to talk to my therapist about getting some kind of academic accommodations but also that stupid fucking internalized ablism and imposter syndrome is like "no, you're clearly mentally well, you've gone your whole life without accommodations, you don't need them, you've done fine in the past" but doing fine in the past looked like C's and D's because of late assignments, and now it still looks like that but on an even more detrimental scale, where I have classes where I've written flawless essays, like, according to the teacher, I've been told that I'm good at what I'm doing, but they're still getting D graded because I'm turning them in two-three weeks late since I literally can't fucking force myself to write them, or I have speeches/presentations where I go either nonverbal or my stutter gets really bad, because that's not something I can control, and I get points off because of that, or I get sick on and off for the entirety of the semester, missing at least two days a week of class because my immune system decides to not fucking work, and I have a fuck ton of makeup work, and my fucking data professor whom I currently hate with every bone in my body gives me 3 days to go over two weeks of material!! I can't fucking do this anymore, I'm going through burnout again, sobbing while writing this because I know it could be prevented, but brain refuses to let me ask for help! I don't even see my therapist again till Thursday anyways, and this late in the semester the only accommodations I could get are for exams, but I doubt they'd help since I haven't been able to learn the material anyways, so instead of actually doing something that will help me, I'm going to cry, caffeine overload myself, and pull another all-night-er to try and get some shit done.

[uncanny-tranny]

Also, in response to the "testosterone making people angrier" myth, I've found that, personally, testosterone has given me the self-respect to recognize and call out when my boundaries are being overstepped in ways that I wouldn't have had the courage (or, frankly even liking of myself) to have done before. This is in addition to me working on my trauma responses, but testosterone was the spark that gave me the will to do this in the first place. When I see people sae that as anger and thus is a "bad thing," I wonder how much of that is just people being uncomfortable with us... having boundaries or enforcing them, and that the response to that overstepping is labeled as aggressive anger.

Frankly, I now actually respect myself enough to care when I am being mistreated. It seems that people sometimes take that as a personal failure on my end because I don't think I deserve mistreatment.

Caveat: Anger is a fine emotion, and it is a worthy thing to recognize and honour. I find that the accusation of trans men* and trans masc* people "being angry" on testosterone is a moot point simply because it is often a false accusation which uses anger as a punishment. My issue isn't that we're "angry," but that our perceived anger is used, often, as a transphobic bludgeon to punish those who either want to transition with testosterone or who currently are, and everything in-between.

[coffeecatcraze]

Will never get over Charlie's absolutely feral growl, this woman was ready to lunge across the courtroom and tear Adam to shreds and I am HERE for it

[enby-mori]

Jason "The Pit gave me a fully functional transitioned body" Todd VS Bruce "The Pit undid my transition" Wayne

[karamazovanon]

i think the recurring theme of dostoevsky's that will always destroy me the most is when despite how much a character wishes and yearns for it, they continuously refuse pure and unconditional love when it's offered because they don't think they're worthy of it (and then hate themselves even more for turning it down). it will ruin me EVERY TIME

[yridenergyridenergy]

Eh? "Created with AI"?

[llumimoon]

The Talk (page 4)

Doodler AU post || start || previous || next ||

Sparrow’s turn to go “he just like me fr” with the Doodler. All the Oaks r Doodler kinnies 😤

This comic takes place shortly after the Doodler’s homunculus body was made. Lark and Sparrow try to figure out how they feel about the situation.

Dialogue under the cut!

Sparrow: Lark, what did they say?

Lark: …

Lark: It wants to try having a normal human childhood.

Sparrow: oh.

Lark: It’s not going to work. The world doesn’t work that way.

Sparrow: …Well why not?

[not-so-terrible]

Konoha: Wow, it’s so great our double agent within the Uchiha Clan has the selfless Will of Fire, completely cancelling out the possibility for trauma, repressed emotion and deep love to trigger the Curse of Hatred and cause them to sacrifice the many for the few they care about. We can relax and leave it all to him :)

Itachi, trapped on a burning clifftop, wrapping Sasuke in duct tape in preparation to throw him over the edge: ~ I will kill our friends and family to remind ☽  you ☺ of ♬ my ☮ love ☠ ~

[justaravingwritingdesk]

Now that I'm reading ORV again, I'm starting to think that maybe, the one Kim Dokja loves and hates the most isn't really Yoo Joonghyuk, but himself.

When you look again at the parallels between them, you'll see that Yoo Joonghyuk is Kim Dokja's "ideal" self. Yoo Joonghyuk even becomes his comfort character. Thing is, Kim Dokja draws a clear line between him and Yoo Joonghyuk, so even if he acknowledges that he wants to be like Yoo Joonghyuk he still believes he can't be Yoo Joonghyuk. That's why he shifts between wanting to be Yoo Joonghyuk when dealing with reality—I mean, his mantra is literally "I am Yoo Joonghyuk"—and wanting to stand beside Yoo Joonghyuk when reading TWSA.

Moreover, his relationship with Yoo Joonghyuk as the Most Ancient Dream plays a complicated parallel with his relationship with his mother. Just as his mother portrays herself as the "murderer" who killed his father, the Most Ancient Dream portrays himself as the one who "forced" Yoo Joonghyuk into an endless cycle of regression when in fact, it was Kim Dokja himself who murdered his father just as it was Yoo Joonghyuk himself who chose to enter the cycle of regression. And just like his mother who never truly answered Kim Dokja's earnest questions of why she did everything she did, the Most Ancient Dream never actually replied to any of Yoo Joonghyuk’s questions from the 1st through 1863rd regressions. Both the parent and the sponsor only "looked" at their child and their incarnation, respectively. Both Lee Sookyung and the now grown-up Kim Dokja locked themselves in a prison of their own making, just so the young Kim Dokja and the Company that they'd respectively loved could go on with their lives. Both Lee Sookyung and Kim Dokja made hard choices that they thought back on many times but never regretted. That's why Kim Dokja hates and loves his mother, because he sees the man he's become in her.

And don't get me started on the Star Stream! From the Four Fragments of the Final Wall to the Main Scenarios themselves, everything is set up to reflect Kim Dokja's own life! [Main Scenario #1 -Proof of Value], the scenario that began the tragedy, requires the taking of a life—mirroring the murder of Kim Dokja's father as the beginning of his personal tragedy. [Scenario - Survival] makes them pay for every day they live through and takes away the food they painstakingly gathered—no guesses as to what that hints of his home life. The last scenario was a very rude wake-up call, confirming his fears that the apocalypse was a tragic of his own making.

I need a drink. A very sweet drink. ORV is so sad to read sometimes, now that I'm reading it again and reading between the lines. Buh-bye for now.

Welp, rave on.

[tricoufamily]

once again thinking about how easy it would be for me to be in a relationship if i was cis

[taxidermizing]

I really need to stop using this website because on one hand using the internet as an outlet to vent out your frustrations irt things you can't really talk about to real life friends so that you're not constantly complaining in the real world can be helpful but on the other hand if you're on a website for hours every day reading antisocial and suicidal rants that cannot be good for your soul

[lovelesslittleloser]

People should be more afraid of asexuals, because they’re the only people that are immune to one of the seven deadly sins

[nemmet]

question: who is your favourite scooby doo character and why?

in a similar vein to my how did you get into scooby doo post from last month, i'm now interested in hearing who your favourite character from the franchise is! are they a member of the core gang or a side character? which iteration/version of theirs do you like best? do you have any specific memories associated with them? do they mean a lot to you personally, or do you just think they're neat? it's time to gush about them in the tags/replies!!

[bumblingbabooshka]

Dr. Invar - Varith’s Betrothed

[i-need-help-sos]

tw probably, self hatred/complaining abt myself

a

i hate how i look, i hate it. im tall and fat and im fucking ugly and i hate it. i wanna rip my skin off sometimes. i only rlly like my legs but even then that's only bc other people like them. i hate my body i hate myself i hate everything