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#genuinely might be one of the sweetest lines in the whole show
fairyroses · 5 months
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— SMALLVILLE, “Lockdown” (5.11)
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shakingparadigm · 4 months
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Seeing all those analysis posts about how Till liked Mizi because she was gentle while not giving the same attention to Ivan because he wasn't... how Ivan might have made Till uncomfortable because he expressed his admiration for Till through violence because he liked how Till had the courage to fight back...
I was wandering if Ivan ever realized that the way he went about showing his feelings wasn't positive for Till and he fucking did. "I wish I had been kinder" he fucking regrets dude, fuck me man.
(This veered wildly off-topic I am so sorry.)
Coming back to this ask after the most recent R6 update is interesting.
I've always wondered why they chose the title Cure in particular. I was expecting a song title along the lines of Star or something abyssal. Then I thought about Till's affiliation with experiments and drugs and the various ways he was hurt. Cure... It also brings to mind how the content for Ivan highlights his "oddness", how he's framed as someone different, almost wrong in a sense. There's something that he lacks, something that he feels the need to fix, to cure.
In the recent ROUND 6 production post, the true meaning is revealed. You're right on a certain level, but as always, it's complicated.
Both Ivan and Till seek a certain type of "healing", maybe to compensate for their pain, their oddness and their loneliness. They wish to be cured of their suffering somehow and they seek the solution in other people.
QMENG states that Till desires a type of healing that Ivan cannot provide, and vice versa.
It goes without saying, pretty common knowledge at this point, but Till is a lot softer under his rebellious front. As someone who's been beat and abused his whole life, it makes sense that that type of love he'd want is something gentler, something stable. It's incredibly obvious in the way he acts towards Mizi. She's so genuine, so bright, untainted by the cruel reality of the world. Till softens around her, since she has only showed him kindness he in turn shows her the sweetest side of himself. He's had nothing stable to cling onto before, so he immediately becomes attached to this idealized version of Mizi. He believes she's the only person who can provide him with what he needs, the only one who can "heal" him.
It's outright stated that Ivan cannot provide that type of "healing" that Till is looking for. Ivan does try, of course. Unfortunately, he lacks something fundamental. Because of this he expresses himself in rather childish ways, which may involve a little cruelty and attention-seeking. A lot of Ivan's actions are muddled by his complicated feelings as well, as its stated that his true emotions and intentions are difficult to grasp. With Till, Ivan wants to save and be saved, hurt and heal him, keep him and set him free. Live for him and die for him. He criticizes Sua on the ethics of self-sacrifice and then goes on to do the same himself. With Ivan, everything contradicts.
He tries desperately to be the cure that Till needs, but due to his incredibly complex nature that "healing" will never be just healing. It may come with more pain and confusion despite his best efforts.
I don't think Till refused to give Ivan attention because he wasn't gentle enough, rather I think it's because everything was so complicated whenever Ivan was involved. Ivan is there for him in his times of need and causes a fair bit of trouble during the rest. He's strange and hard to grasp, but he's familiar. Calling each other "friends" seemed like such an inadequate label because they're simultaneously too close and not close enough. Ivan does wish he was kinder, though. Not only to Till, but to Sua and most likely a few other people as well. There's a lot of aspects in which Ivan wishes he were different, and it's tragic to hear how he deprecates himself in his final moments for it.
There's the second half of QMENG's statement as well, "vice versa". Till cannot provide what Ivan needs either, but Ivan desperately desires it anyway.
Ivan views Till as his cure. He wants to not only "heal" Till, but to be healed by him as well. This desire can be seen in the lyrics of Cure:
Notice my pain
And mend me right now
To quiet my fears
I'll drown in you
(The wish for "healing" is stated.)
In your gaze, where I’m seen
Consume me, yes, me, oh, oh
(Ivan urges Till to "consume" him like medicine, he wishes to be what Till needs.)
Ivan lacks something, and he believes that Till can make up for that lack which is why he's so fascinated by him. If Ivan is a black abyss, Till is a supernova, bringing life to an empty void. Unfortunately, Till is explosive and rather inept at handling his own extreme emotions, which causes him to either lash out violently or retreat further inward and push Ivan away. He's also a thoroughly destructive and hurt individual, seeking his own cure in another form. He cannot provide what Ivan needs.
Both Ivan and Till are incredibly volatile. That's not to say they don't have their gentler sides, but overall they've been doomed from the start. Ultimately it's no fault of theirs, they did what they could with their complicated feelings and fought through their own respective hells.
In the end, Ivan had to come to terms with the fact that he couldn't get the "healing" he needed and could never be what Till needed, either. That's why he finally acted on his impulses and let his complicated feelings win over, resulting in his death. Despite all the heartache, his final thoughts are a statement of gratitude. Truly a tragedy.
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ulabewriting · 4 months
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Liz Foreman-McGuire.
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she/her.
TW : mention of alcohol, bad relationship with parents.
– French-African, adopted in Toulouse. – Aquarius. – Autistic. (diagnosed at 18.) – Activist, head of a well-known organization helping minorities in need of support and representation in sticky situations. (+ is a popular, anonymous music producer ;] )
dorky - socially awkward, most gentle soul ever.
has facial piercings : septum, angel bites, snake bites, and smiley.
has a lot of tattoos : both her arms are pretty much covered, a few on her thighs and calves, an incubus tattoo on her womb and the line « wearing my heart like a crown » on her spine. 
her piercings kind of clash with her innocent-looking face.
smartest person you’ll ever meet, though she’ll keep her big brain as lowkey as possible… she’s a humble little bean<3
melts on the spot if you take her on a museum date.
5’5 brunette. 😩
slim thick lady. thick thighs save lives y’all<3
can read her siblings like open books… it’s terrifying, sometimes.
tends to view humans as robots and analyzes their brains like science experiments… but it comes from a good intention, i swear-
knows every damn book ever written.
likes picnics… a lot.
speaks like 6 languages (learned when she wasn’t part of the family yet.)
a humanist for sure.
softest, calmest person ever. no temper problems.
will loose her shit if someone’s rights are being screwed, though.
you do not want to see this lady mad. you really don’t.
won’t ever raise her voice but uses just the right words to enter people's brain… and do whatever she wants with it. try her.
bad relationship with her parents. The first Foreman-McGuire kid to openly disagree with her parents and do things her own way. They pretty much disowned her.
“i needed them to hate me to love myself.” spent the first years of her life in the family doing her best to please her parents, but she knew– she could feel it had a price : going against herself. As she got older and started doing things her way, truly expressing herself and what she wants; her parents turned away from her. But she could feel it… finally, she was free. living for herself. Finally, she likes who she is.
sort of has the vibe of a cliché mysterious, captivating love interest from a wattpad story lmao.
definitely has written songs about you… she has like a whole little notebook dedicated to these precious texts<3
the most sporty (after Dominic and Oliver, of course, these two are just absolutely crazy–)
bojack horseman is her comfort show.
loves to play chess. She wins every. time.
a romantic soul - in love with love !
can seem cold because she keeps to herself, but her face instantly lights up with a big smile when you approach her; truly the sweetest.
needs to always have noises in her ears and something in her hands because she gets understimulated easily – lady. needs. stimulation. ALWAYS.
genuinely thinks she doesn’t deserve you. (or anybody else. or anything else.)
very curious – that’s why she knows a lot about a lot of things. Like, one of her siblings(probably Skyh tbh) says « why are lollipops called lollipops »; everybody is like « oh my god skyh, stfu » and Liz is in the back, rubbing her chin like « wait a minute… why are they called lollipops ? »
« Did you know humans can fit approximately two raccoons up their anu–»
mindlessly bites on her lip piercings when she’s thinking.
looks like a completely different person when her tattoos are exposed.
considerate and attentive.
still learning how to be kind and patient with herself.
gentle with absolutely everything. People, objects, your heart ;) everything.
can’t walk in stiletto heels. She tried twice and twisted her ankle each time. (Celestia was laughing like a hyena in the back.)
dresses like a vampire living in a goth castle.
becomes a blushing mess when you say her name, no matter the context. She loves calling you by your name too; she finds it very intimate, somehow.
nicknames she might use : love, darling and dear.
can hold her liquor like a champion! An absolute sucker for red wine. (don’t make the mistake of getting caught between Liz, Dominic and a bottle of whiskey. these women are INSANE.)
is super awkward when receiving compliments and gifts.
not the type to get jealous but, can be a bit possessive.
« I trust you so I won’t make a fuss. I have no issue with that, after all; what’s mine is mine and we both know you are. » :)
pretty much only wears black, gray and red but her favorite color is green.
likes to kiss your palm and wrists.
has a very strong sense of justice.
sees things she can’t do as challenges…. just give her a few weeks. just what she needs to learn every single thing about this topic, make it her new hyperfixation and become a pro at it.
« I’m just a tiny star and you’re a whole galaxy. I still don’t get what you see in me, but… I’d give the entire universe for you, my dear. »
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morgana-ren · 9 months
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How do the Bastard Four™ celebrate their world's holidays? With or without a girl involved, your choice.
Oh good god it can get real fucking weird.
Alright, so, naturally, it depends per holiday. Christmas is VASTLY different than, say, Valentine's day. A lot of it depends on how much they care for you. If it's your first year with them? Whew boy.
Keep the fuck away from Valentine's Day, Christ on a cross, keep away from Valentine's day. If you're going to choose a day to try to run away, Valentine's day is a good one-- but it might not help. They'll just make you do it on the 15th or whatever.
Reaver uses any and all holiday as an excuse to demand the nasty, sick, atrocious, degrading sex he wants (not that he doesn't do that anyway but you know.) Christmas? It's his present. Hannukah? It's his present. Independence day? Pay him tribute, you wouldn't be celebrating it without rich pricks like him. St. Patricks day? He doesn't know what Ireland is but he's happy to get drunk and make you suck him like a lollipop. (He doesn't know what most holidays are but he will abuse it anyway. Any excuse to spend money.) Don't forget his birthday. Basically any excuse he can. That's just who he is. Any excuse for sex and getting absolutely trashed and spending absurd amounts of money doing it.
If he really likes you, he will dote on you. You'll be getting some really expensive, lovely things (which honestly you get a lot of anyway because he buys your affection) but by God, at what cost. Later on down the line when he's grown very attached, Reaver will make a whole deal of your birthday or Christmas or any holiday where he has an excuse to show off. He will make it a point to 'outdo' the others. He will spend millions to make you like him better than the others. When he is trying to genuinely express himself, he will make you something. He'll give you the most beautiful painting you've ever seen like it's nothing and hide the fact that he painted it just for you.
Astarion has, like, no idea about holidays outside of what Corvus tells him. He's not religious and he's never particularly cared either. He will happily abuse them like the others, however. He's the most likely to be nicer about it, especially over the others, because he's a manipulative shit and he knows the others are going to go nuts and he could be favored if he plays his cards right. He realizes it could be an important day. He will get you presents and what not, but he expects something in return, obviously. He will get just as weird with it as the other ones if they really encourage him, but sometimes he's going to deliberately try to antagonize you so you snap and start acting up in the hopes that the others toss you to him to 'discipline.' That's his present. He could be the sweetest, or he could be the fuckin' worst.
Astarion doesn't buy affection like Reaver does, but he will steal some money from Reaver to get you something nice that he thinks you'll like if it's a gift giving holiday. He's less flash and more thought. Mostly he, like the others, uses holidays as an excuse to get closer to you or to get something he wants. But once he really loves and cares about you, he will use it to express his feelings for you in ways he normally wouldn't. He struggles with gifts but he's going to try to get you something that you would enjoy.
Ilya doesn't understand modern holidays. At all. He understands religion. He remembers his old one. But considering he's a devil and so is Corvus, and they literally know what is on the other side, he doesn't understand what the point is in pretending. That being said, he will humor you if you believe it's important, mostly because he finds it fascinating and he tucks it away in his mental catalog. He will exchange gifts and pleasantries but mostly it's just a study. He, like all of the others, will abuse holidays, but he's a bit... weirder with it.
If he genuinely likes you, he will get you something he knows you truly want or enjoy. His presents are always a bit more 'meaningful' to the point you might actually be surprised he even knows. He favors books and trips for memories and other things that have lasting impact. He will abuse holidays for sex as well, but the way he sees it, he's doing that anyway. It's just a game to him.
With Corvus, it depends. Are you actually religious? Because if you are, he will observe it, but he gets very very weird about it. He's going to twist words and scriptures and do an in-depth deep dive into your religion so he can 'punish' you if you slip up. He genuinely believes your God is inferior to his, but religious girls get his rocks off, even if they're only religious by blood. He's going to pull the whole 'submit to your husband' shit and things of that nature. Holidays are an excuse for him to exercise different forms of depravity that he doesn't always get to. That's really only part of it. Truth is, he's going to take control of the day and manipulate it to get whatever he wants out of it. He just also has an overpowering religious fetish.
Like all of the guys, when he actually loves you, he's likely to be a bit softer. He will use certain holidays to express his love for you in ways he won't usually throughout the year. He can be genuinely kind and thoughtful. Family and spending time together are very important, so he's the most likely to get into the 'spirit' of the holiday by trying to make everyone spend time and be nice-- sometimes at your expense. But Corvus is remarkably observant and you might be surprised at just how incredibly thoughtful he can be. There's going to be something you want desperately, and while you won't ever get what you truly want (freedom) but he'll get you something so touching you might cry. This is a double-whammy for him.
Ultimately, this is just a quick rundown and really, it heavily depends per holiday. If there's a particular holiday or guy or whatever else have you have in mind, let me know.
When it comes to just regular holidays without an object of affection, they don't always celebrate. Corvus will say it's his birthday same as he always does when there's something he wants. Astarion won't know what day it is until you tell him. Reaver will go all out and be extravagant but that's not because he's observing the holiday, he's just being a cock. Ilya will just go "Huh. Okay." The only holidays that matter in that house are Banite holidays, which Corvus is extremely pious about. He will make Reaver and Astarion observe, because they technically converted to get him to shut up about it.
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kinetic-elaboration · 2 years
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January 9: The Circle S5
I've started watching Season 5 of The Circle because I literally can't help myself. I'm partway through episode...7. I was going to wait until the whole thing was out before I did any binging, but it's probably better I didn't. If I don't take a break soon, the release schedule will force me to, and all the better for my mental health.
I genuinely like this show and also sometimes I actively want the entertainment equivalent of empty calories, but this season seems... even emptier than previous ones. There were several cast members I liked at the beginning, but I've soured on most of them at this point. Sam, Marvin, and even Chaz have all become annoying. (Chaz: tone down the enraged positivity and also, it's just a game bro. Sam: tone it down in general. Marvin: don't cheat on My Girl.) The only true good player, my #1, the QUEEN, is Raven, and if she doesn't win this, I will RIOT. She is the Marina or Éléa of the season, but unlike Éléa, she hasn't yet been accused of being fake nice, so I hope she has a genuine shot at winning.
I also don't dislike Tom but he's just not doing anything really interesting.
I did want to get rid of Brittany (overly positive people bother me and also he fell into the Catfish Trap of being soooo much more boring as a profile than as a person) and Bruno (though I didn't like HOW she was eliminated, and I wonder if she just got a bad edit, based on how hard Chaz was rooting for her), so at least so far I'm prettttty in line with what the players are actually doing. I feel like that's usually true, at least until later in the game, which might just be a testament to the editing of the show--see my point about Bruno, above.
I was really psyched to get rid of Brett and Xanthi first because I knew both of them were going to annoy the shit out of me, and so I wasn't a fan of the twist where they got to re-enter, even though in the past versions of that twist have worked pretty well imo, entertainment-wise. And actually, I was proven wrong on this because "Jennifer" is so much more than the sum of her parts. Also I ship them a little bit, in a within-the-Circle way.
I did not like letting Shubham back in, because he is too good and too pure for this show in its 5th season. He DOMINATED season 1, but season 1 was a different era: an era where they literally just set up the players and let them do what they wanted, with very little in the way of twists or producer manipulation. And what they wanted to do was make friends!! That's why S1 was both the most wholesome and the best in general. The 'game play' was not as interesting, and later seasons have fixed issues like 'if you're not in the OG 8 there's no way you can win,' but it was the most endearing, the sweetest, the most memorable. Bringing Shubby back in a situation where not only is the game play IN GENERAL rigged to make people more competitive and strategic and, frankly, meaner than in S1, but he in particular was manipulated into positions that would absolutely destroy him emotionally and they knew that. That was just cruel, man. I don't want to watch that! It's not quite as bad as Blue Michelle/Orange Michelle--gamified gaslighting--but it's still pretty bad, and it has the added twist of seeming to be a specific, purposeful trick on this one guy. Like, yeah, they couldn't know he'd lose the game or that he'd lose with only 2 players to potentially eliminate, but the very concept that the loser not only loses but has to turn on the people who were on his side is a designed-to-be-cruel trick, and that it fell on this man, who is so sincere, who completely defined S1 by his genuine good-hearted attitude, generosity, and friendliness, left such a bad taste in my mouth. Tension is all well and good but I don't want to see a person speaking near tears on television, I just do not.
...More of a rant than I was expecting to give but anyway. My bigger overall problem with this season is that it just...nothing seems to be happening? Usually there are alliances, friendships, recurring group chats, and then the inevitable alliances-at-odds. Where are my #teams? Where are my Circle BFFs? We have Chaz and Sam, Jennifer and Tom, and Marvin and Raven, but the real juicy stuff is the trios and groups--I haven't seen any of those stick. Part of it might just be these people, that they aren't really forming groups, and part of it might be editing, which conversations they choose to air and which not. But I have a theory that part of this comes from the way this season is doing eliminations. So far, 4 people have been eliminated in 3 eliminations, and only ONE of those eliminations has been done in the traditional way: the top 2 players talking to each other and eliminating one person together.
I understand mixing it up sometimes, but I still think the core, default, way of eliminating players should be the 2 influencers model. First, people have to show their hands: in how they rank, in who they save, in who they sacrifice. Second, you get to see who is strong and who is weak in 1-on-1 situations, like when Nick utterly trounced James TWICE IN A ROW (...and then lost the whole game to him, whoops). Third, the strategies at the core of ranking and influencer-decisions are what define the game: the push and pull between having allies who will save you versus targets to get rid of, getting close to popular people while also wanting to eliminate threats, wanting to be high in the rankings to save yourself but also not wanting to make enemies by taking out other players--maybe the show thinks this gets tiring but honestly it never really does? No more so than the show in general? Reality shows really DON'T need to re-invent the wheel lol. People will watch 20-30 seasons of literally the same thing over and over because the changing cast keeps it sufficiently fresh while the repetitive format is comforting and feels safe. I would watch 10 seasons of people simply making friends through a "voice activated" computer screen lol, you don't gotta be so "creative" with it, you know?
And again, I think a consequence of this is that people don't have as much incentive to form alliances in the way they did in past seasons. I haven't quite worked out HOW but I just instinctively feel that these things are linked--either in player behavior or possibly just in the edit: when the viewer doesn't need to know who's in a trio or a quad in order to follow eliminations, there's no point in even showing that.
Anyway, that's too many thoughts on that. This was a long day. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day, too. I need to take a shower and get into bed.
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springmagpies · 2 years
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I was asked in this post to name some of my favorite Peeta book moments and oh my gosh, that's really difficult! I gave condensed answers there, but I'm actually rereading the books for a book club my friends and I started, so the first one is very fresh in my mind and I wanted to go more in depth because that's just who I am. I'm starting the second one (my favorite one) soon, so I'll update this when I have reread the books and they are fresher in my mind! This will just be the ones that stand out in my head, and in my many many sticky-note marked pages, for the first one. Also, I am so so sorry for just how over done this is about to get. Thank you so much for this ask! I love a good ramble about how much I love Peeta Mellark! Literally one of my all time fictional crushes. I still have posters of him in my room. I love him so freaking much. But, I digress.
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Book 1
Favorite: "Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to... to show the Capitol they don't own me. That I'm more than just a piece in their Games."
Underrated: There are so many underrated Peeta moments. I love when they're on the chariots and holding hands and Katniss realizes she's been squeezing his hand too tight and apologizes and tries to let go and he's basically like, "Please. I might fall out of this thing." And it's just this sweet moment where Katniss realizes that she isn't alone in a strange way. Like, she realizes that her personal anxiety and fear is somewhat shared with Peeta. I also think it shows the really sweet humility Peeta has. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I just think it's sweet.
Another underrated moment is when they watch the playback of the games and Katniss sees that Peeta had her back the entire time. Like, he knew her odds of winning were better than his and he just wanted to protect her and get her home. It's comforting for the audience, and I think for Katniss, to know that he has her back no matter what. He was always leading the Careers away, making sure she was alright when she was up in that tree, fought Cato to give her time to run, and even thought of her when he was camouflaged by the river. I also like to believe that when the Career pack say that someone needs to go back and make sure the tribute they just tried to kill was really gone, Peeta volunteered, not so that he could kill her, but so that the girl didn't die alone and didn't have to be finished off by one of the Careers.
Sweetest: Peeta is the sweetest boy and so a lot of his scenes and lines could be counted as this. I love love love the scene where he tells Katniss when he first started liking her. I love the fact that this boy literally took a beating to give her that much needed bread (and that she thinks of him every time she sees a dandelion). I love his whole description of falling for her and how detailed it is, because not only is it super sweet, but it is so undeniably genuine.
I also love at the very start of the book when Haymitch falls into a pool of his own vomit (shudders in fear of vomit) and Katniss and Peeta drag him back to his bathroom to clean him up.
Funniest: Peeta is actually so freaking funny and I wish that was talked about more. Some of my favorite Peeta moments are when he is trying to make Katniss laugh or is just being a sarcastic king. One of these moments is when they're in the cave and get gifted food. Katniss brings up how Effie is probably crying at their manners and so Peeta literally licks the rest of his plate clean and blows Effie a kiss and says, "We love you, Effie!"
Badass: His whole fight with Cato and the end is pretty badass. This man is literally bleeding out and still manages to help give Cato a run for his money. Peeta is also much smarter than he gets credit for. He can work an audience (the whole interview with Caesar is badass in itself), but he is also actually pretty strategic. I love when he marks Cato's hand with an X, because while Cato has only one thought in his head and Katniss is rightfully freaking out trying to figure out what to do, Peeta's quick thinking skills come into play.
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the first time saying I love you
Warnings: nothing! Maybe some swearing but all fluff!
Characters: Daichi Sawamura, Bokuto Kotaro, and Ushijima Wakatoshi all with a Fem!Reader
A/N: I know I have some requests and other WIPs I should be working on but I was having a bit of trouble finding some inspo so I thought maybe this would help haha. Hope you enjoy! I might make more parts with other characters :)
p. 2 
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Daichi Sawamura Who says it first: You
“You’re going to do great! I love you! Good luck!” With those words, you ran out of the gym and made your way up to the stands, perching yourself over the edge with the rest of the Karasuno fans. You glanced down at the court to make sure you had a good view, trying to give a smile to your boyfriend.
It was odd though, Daichi hadn’t moved. It was like he was frozen in the spot you left him. His body seemed stiff and his feet were glued to the floor.
The Karasuno team all looked up at you with wide eyes, even Kiyoka staring up at you in surprise, most of their jaws open. You tilted your head in confusion - did something happen while you came up to the seats? Was it something you said-
Oh.
Daichi turned and looked up at you with wide eyes. His lips parted but there wasn’t a sound coming out. What was that look in his eyes? Was it… panic? Annoyance? Were you not supposed to say that?
You could feel your insecurities rising up in you - how stupid were you? The two of you had only been going out for a few months now! How could you say something so carelessly?
But it hadn’t felt careless. In fact it almost felt… effortless. You did love him. You’d known this for a while now, even if you had avoided voicing it. Ever since he met your parents and was the sweetest guest ever - they loved him. You loved him. And now those words were in the air for him to decide what to do with.
“Y-You love me?” He managed to get out after a while. You wanted nothing more than to sink back into a chair and hide. This wasn’t the time. This was an official match. Daichi had to focus, how was he supposed to focus if he was going to break up with you right now- “I love you too!” He declared loudly, a smile growing from his lips to his eyes. 
Your eyes widened and blinked at him, feeling the genuineness of his words. “I love you, Y/N!” He repeated, giving a firm nod. “And we’ll win this match for you! Promise!” He assured you, Sugawara and Asahi coming up behind him and clapping him on his shoulders, both of them sending you a thumbs up.
“We love you too, Y/N!” Sugawara grinned and Daichi smacked his head playfully. “What! She’s nice to Asahi when we’re not, and she bakes me food,” Sugawara smirked sending you another cheeky grin that makes you laugh. Asahi just chuckled, but nodded in agreement. The four of you had gotten close even before Daichi and you had started going out and their bond was something you always loved seeing in action.
“Shut up,” Daichi grumbled to his friend but shot another look at you, as if memorizing this moment before going out and getting ready for the game. He had never broken a promise to you, and he wasn’t going to start with this one.
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Bokuto Kotaro Who says it first: Him
“Are those for me?” Bokuto gaped as you walked into the gym, his jaw practically on the floor seeing the container of sweets in your hands.
“Well they’re for everyone really,” you laughed, admiring the sweet smile on your boyfriend’s face, “but you can have the first pick just cause you’re cute.”
Bokuto was drooling already - he loved it when you made him any kind of food. He grabbed the container from you, peppering your face with kisses as he attempted to get it open.
“Akaashi! Look! Y/N baked us some treats!” Bokuto called, waving his best friend over. “It’s no wonder I love you, you always make the best food!” He grinned over at you, shoving the first sweet he could grab into his mouth.
He hadn’t even swallowed before noticing the look on your face, eyes wide like you were a deer in headlights, “Sumfin’ wron’?” He asked you through brownie crumbs. He turned to Akaashi who had slowed down making his way over upon hearing his friend’s words, but he only offered a raised eyebrow in return. “What?” Bokuto asked confused.
“Bokuto, you idiot,” Akaashi shook his head in disappointment. “I don’t think that’s how you’re meant to say that kind of stuff. Isn’t it supposed to be more... private?”
Bokuto frowned a little, thinking back to his last words, “That she makes good food? But it’s true-” And there it was. Bokuto’s whole body froze in realization, turning to you with eyes as wide as an owl. “Y/N-” he started nervously.
“It’s okay!” You offered a grin, rubbing the back of your head nervously, “You can take it back if you want to! I’ll pretend like I didn’t hear it!”
Akaashi’s fingers slipped the container out of Bokuto’s hands quickly, sneaking away to give you guys some privacy while also trying to get the rest of the team some food before Bokuto ate it all.
“Take it back?” Bokuto thought it over for a moment before shaking his head, “Would you want me to take it back?”
You shifted nervously, “I mean I wouldn’t ever want you to say something you didn’t mean.”
Bokuto laughed, a sound that surprised you but also put your nerves at ease, “Why wouldn’t I mean it?” He grinned at you, hands on his hips. “I’ve loved you since we met, Y/N. I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you that I’d want to be with you forever.” He beamed proudly, smiling down at you. That smile froze for a moment, his eyes widening again, “Unless… you don’t feel the same…” Somehow it seemed like his hair drooped and you could see the signs of sad!Bokuto coming on.
“Of course I feel the same,” you insisted quickly, your face feeling hot. “I… I just didn’t think we’d have this moment in front of your teammates,” you whispered playfully, laughing a little.
Bokuto glanced at his team who were eagerly eating the snacks and watching the show in front of them: starring you two.
“Oi! Go eat somewhere else! I’ve got to finish declaring my love to the most wonderful human in the world!” Bokuto ordered before turning back to you with a smile while Akaashi shoved the rest of the team out the door (much to their protest). “I’m sorry for... not making it more intimate.” He apologized with a light chuckle, “I’ll make it up to you though!”
You shook your head with a smile, reaching up and pressing a kiss to his nose, “As long as you mean it, I don’t care where you say it.”
Bokuto smiled and scooped you up into a huge hug, pressing his lips to your ear before murmuring, “I love you, Y/N. I love you. I love you. I love you,” he chated softly, “I’ll love you forever, every single day of my life.”
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Ushijima Wakatoshi Who says it first: Him
Ushijima never really cared for interviews but he knew that his team being as good as they were warranted some media attention. But what he hated most about it was their constant need to know everything about him.
“What’s your favourite food? What a line that makes your team really inspired? What kind of workout routine do you follow? What’re your plans for after this tournament?”
Most of the time he would grunt a short answer or excuse himself and let someone else answer, but this time around, it didn’t seem like Tendō was going to be able to save him.
“Who was that girl you were talking to before the game? Is that your girlfriend? What’s it like for her knowing her boyfriend is being watched as a top player in all of Japan?”
Ushijima wondered why they didn’t ask you that question - what was he supposed to know about how you thought about it? At that thought, Ushijima decided not to run away from this interview. He didn’t want you to feel forced into explaining your feelings and knew that he had grown accustomed to all the questions and reporters - you might not have.
“She is my girlfriend, yes.” Ushijima stated flatly, his eyes subconsciously glancing in your direction. Tendō was saying something about the other team and making you laugh with this snarky and playful songs. A gentleness grew in Ushijima’s eyes, just watching you. It was subtle but later when you watched the recorded interview online, you’d be able to catch it. Your heart would flutter a little, wondering if he was really looking at you at the time. “I don’t want to speak for her feelings, but she’s always very proud of the team and our performance.”
“How long have you two been together?”
“Almost 2 years now.”
“Must be young love then,” the reporter had grinned, nodding to themselves in satisfaction.
There were a few more questions but Ushijima’s mind had practically left the interview already. He thought about what the reporter said, calling it young love. He had heard his mother describe her feelings towards his father like that. It had been young love.
But was that how young love ended? Was it always a crash and burn that ended in his mom’s quiet cries when she thought he couldn’t hear?
Ushijima’s mind filled with worry, something he hadn’t felt in a long time. There was a pit of nerves that sat in his chest, refusing to move. What was there to be done to stop the crash of a young love?
You came over as he hydrated himself off to the side, the reporters finally leaving him alone, “They really want to know everything about you huh?” You laughed, smiling up at him and giving his arm a quick squeeze. “You should take some time to stretch out.”
Ushijima nodded but stood there for a moment longer, looking down at you, “I love you, Y/N.”
It was blunt but the look in his eyes said everything else. You stared at him in surprise. 2 years it had been and those words hadn’t left his lips before. It hadn’t really worried you - Ushijima was extremely loyal and even if you were worried, he was usually always busy with volleyball so it wasn’t like there was even time for him to find someone else. You often thought it was because of how things went with his parents that he took things slow… but why now?
“Do you not feel the same?” He asked after a moment, a small crease in his forehead.
You quickly shook your head, grinning up at him, “Of course I do! I just… I didn’t expect you to say it.”
Ushijima’s forehead creased further - had he not said it before? Didn’t she know?
Maybe this was what Tendō had talked about before. You’re a real quiet dude, Ushijima. I wonder if Y/N tries to figure out what’s going on in that head of yours like the rest of us. But you know, relationships have to have some sort of communication… you do tell her things don’t you?
At the time, Ushijima had thought Tendō was talking about normal things. Of course he told you about how volleyball was going, how he was struggling to keep his mind at school and not on the court, what kind of food he was craving, things like that. But… could Tendō have been talking about feelings?
“It’s okay,” you quickly interjected, giving him a smile, “I didn’t expect you to say it sooner or anything. The thing I love about you is that you always say what you mean, so I figured you just weren’t ready yet.”
“I’ve loved you for a long time, Y/N,” Ushijima commented softly, reaching his hand up and gently caressing your cheek. “I’m sorry I never said it. But I’ve always felt it.”
You could feel your face go hot in his hand, moving into it just a little more, “I’ve always loved you too, Ushijima,” you whispered to him gently. A small smile tugged at his lips and he pressed a kiss to your forehead before taking your advice and starting to stretch out his limbs.
After that, he started saying it a little more often. Communication seemed to be important to a relationship, this he understood. So if that’s what was needed, he would do it. This young love wouldn’t crash, he’d make sure of it.
** ** ** ** **
Haikyuu Taglist (let me know if you’d like to be added :))
@thisnoodlewritesao3​ @scphiredrafts​ @aurumk​ @devilkittymusic​ @satan-ruler-of-hells​ @trashy-simp​ @jeppiet​ @lucyheartfilias-wife​ @darkvadeeer​
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generallybarzy · 3 years
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If You'll Have Me Forever.
an: this is the little fic i decided to write based on a dream i had. I wrote it all in one day while I was at my grandparent's house with no internet or computer, so i wrote it all in my notebook and then typed it up on here haha.
warnings: unedited, mentions of past emotional trauma and unhealthy families
word count: 1.7k
You always loved spending time with Mat's family. Whenever there was a break in the season, you two quickly found yourselves on a plane out to Vancouver, holding hands in the airplane and in the car on the way to his parent's house.
It had been like this since your first summer with them. Mat had invited you home with him for part of the offseason, and although you'd only been dating almost a year and were still nervous to meet his family, you couldn't say no. His family had welcomed you warmly, in fact, warm may not even be good enough to describe it. His parents smiled as soon as they saw you- saw you holding their son's hand, saw him smile proudly as he finally introduced you to them as his girlfriend.
Then, they hugged you.
You hadn't come from a loving family, not one where you openly told each other "I love you" or "I'm proud of you", and certainly not one that hugged and had family game nights. After much discussion with Mat and with your therapist, you came to the conclusion that your family had been borderline emotionally neglectful, and you saw how your childhood had scarred you. Mat's family was so openly affectionate and loving towards you right off the bat that it overwhelmed you, to the point of you going upstairs and refusing to come down until Mat had a talk with you. He was understanding, gently told them to be a little more reserved, and helped to slowly ease you into their love. And that just made you love him even more.
Now, it was your first holiday season with them. After spending a good chunk of last summer in Vancouver, you were certainly excited to spend a few days of your winter here with them rather than in your empty little apartment. You and Mat had flown out the night before, and arrived early in the morning, grateful that the team had managed a few extra days off this season- just enough days to make a trip worth it. The whole day had been spent talking and laughing and just catching up with his family about the past year- how things were going with your studies, with your job, how Mat’s season was going, and how your relationship was going. Later in the evening, after a long round of some board game they’d pulled from the closet, the jet lag and overwhelming, unfamiliar feeling of familial love caught up to you. So, in the middle of preparing some snacks to munch on during the next round of the game, you faked a phone call and quickly excused yourself to the snowy back patio, slipping into your coat and snow boots on the way and disappearing out the door.
Mat had been keeping a close eye on you all night.
He knew how you got about affection, you were even still a little shy receiving love from him, and the last thing he wanted to do was let him or his family overwhelm you again. He had gone to talk with his dad for five minutes- about a topic that had him immediately searching for you to go hide away and get some much needed alone time- and when he came back to the living room, you weren’t where he left you with his mom and sister.
“Where’s (Y/N)?”
“Oh,” his mom looked up from preparing the food. “She stepped out back to take a phone call.”
“Yeah?” Mat snuck over to the backdoor, squinting out into the snow and spotting your figure, no phone in sight. He slipped on a pair of shoes and grabbed his jacket from next to the door. “I think the jetlag might be stting in. I’ll be right back.”
He stepped out onto the back patio, the snow crunching beneath his fluffy slippers. You didn’t even turn when you heard the door close behind him, and that’s how he knew something was wrong.
“Baby… what are you doing out in the cold?” He came up next to you, curling an arm over your shoulders. “Were they too much? Should I tell them to back off a bit?” Finally, you turned to face him. Your eyes were wet and red, but you had a soft little smile on your face. “Aw, baby.”
“I love them so much, Mat.”
“C’mere.” He pulled you against his chest, rubbing his hands up and down your cold arms. You curled your arms around his waist, snuggling in under his winter jacket. “Babe, you should be wearing something heavier out here. I don’t want you getting sick.” Still, you stayed where you were, tucked into his jacket with him and hiding away from the snow and the world. “I’m glad you love my family so much. I hope you can tell they love you too. And if they’re too much, I’ll tell them, okay?”
“I know.”
“Just let me know. I know how you get uncomfortable when you receive this much love, but I hope you know you deserve it, okay? You’re absolutely amazing.” At his words, you lifted your face from the comfort of his chest, eyes red and face hot, streaked with tears. Snowflakes melted on impact, and Mat’s thumb brushed away the wetness. “Please don’t cry, baby.”
“I’m just… so overwhelmed. In the best way possible, I promise.”
“That’s good.”
“And I’m getting sleepy.”
“Jetlag finally catching up to you?” You nodded, burrowing back into the warmth of his jacket. He smiled, squeezing you against him. “Let’s go to bed, yeah, sweetheart?”
“Nooooo, I just wanna stay like this.”
“Okay, okay.” He smiled and lifted his hands in mock surrender. “We’ll stay out here for a little, but we gotta go in when you get cold.” Mat knew the reason you didn’t want to go back inside yet. One, because you didn’t want to cry in front of his family, but also because after spending the whole day with them, you were starved of sweet, gentle moments like this, alone with Mat. He knew you loved his family, but God, how you loved him. You’d been holding back all your hugs and kisses today, keeping low on the PDA in front of his family, and you’d gotten needy. He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to his parents, saying the two of you were gonna be done for the night and wanted a little alone time, and he knew they’d understand and head to bed. The snow was picking up now, so Mat put his phone back in his pocket and pulled you with him against the wall of the house, your arms tucked under his fuzzy coat and holding tight around his waist, watching the snow fall and enjoying the comforting silence of the world.
“Do you know how much people love you?”
“Mat…” You smiled and hid your face shyly.
“No, do you know? Everyone who meets you falls a little bit in love with you. Everyone. You just have this… this loveable nature to you/ You’re the sweetest, kindest, most amazing person I know.” You didn’t respond, but Mat saw the smile on your face and felt the way your arms squeezed around his torso. “Remember how earlier, I was talking to my dad? You know what he was saying? He said ‘the way you look at (Y/N), that’s how I looked at your mom’. And how he still does.” That got your attention, and you lifted your face to look at him, at the pretty, genuine love in his dark eyes. “Hey, there’s that pretty face!” Your hands slid further up his back, and you perched up on your tiptoes, reaching up for a soft kiss that Mat gladly met you halfway for. “I’m serious when I say I love you, okay?”
“I know.”
“I get that you didn’t have the best relationship with your family, and they weren’t the healthiest, especially when it came to showing these types of emotions, but I’m gonna make sure you get used to it. Cause you’re gonna be in my life for a long, long time.”
“Forever?”
“If you’ll have me forever.”
Everything went silent, save for the soft falling of snow, at that whispered promise. The tears filled your eyes again, just so, so happy that you had someone like Mat in your life, and that he was so understanding and patient with you.
“If you’ll have me forever, my family would be more than happy to call you one of us. You could spend all your birthdays, holidays, and celebrations here, and they’d love you. I’d love you. I do. You’d never feel unloved again, if you’ll have me forever.”
“Mat are... Are you proposing?”
He shook his head quickly. “No. Not yet, not officially. Just take this as a… warning.”
You laughed a little bit. “A warning, Mat?”
“No, ugh… um, how about a promise. Yeah, a promise. A promise that if you’ll have me forever, I’ll do nothing but show you how damn loveable you are. I know I can’t erase the years of pain… God, or the trauma that your family put you through, but I promise you I’m gonna try my hardest. You deserve so much better than what they’d given to you, and I’ll give that to you.” Mat saw the tears in your eyes and swooped down to kiss your cheeks repeatedly. “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to make you cry, baby.” He could say so, so much more, but he wanted to take care of you first. “Enough of my sappy rambling, yeah? My toes are freezing. Can we go in?” He saw you glance down at his feet and immediately started giggling.
“Nice slippers, grandpa.”
“They’re cozy.” He grinned, happy to see you smiling again. He had grabbed his dad’s shoes to come out, knowing you found his silly dad-fashion funny. “Now, let’s get to bed, sleepyhead.” He pulled you back into the warm, quiet house and led the way up to his bedroom, happy to finally have some time to just cuddle up under the blankets along with you. But as you fell asleep, tucked safely in his arms with a content, peaceful smile, he could fall asleep along with you. Instead, he lay there, watching you for hours, his thoughts filled with his dad’s words from earlier and quietly, secretly, he was writing long lines of phrases he wanted to say to you, phrases that would one day become part of his proposal.
I promise I’ll keep you safe, I promise I’ll keep you smiling and loved... if you’ll have me forever.
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Question for The Guest
I did not like the way Park Il Do possessing grandpa was presented in the last ep. I like the concept but the presentation... I couldn't take it seriously.
That being said what do you think is Park Il Do exactly?
And what will the main trio do post canon, especially Hwa Pyung?
ohhh yeah, i can definitely see why that scene might come across as a little overly dramatic to you. personally, i think the show itself just had that level of extra to it the whole way through, but that's also one of the things i liked about it lmao. but you're definitely right--drama or not--the concept was good. i love how the drama had us doubting grandpa off and on during the course of it but never quite believing he could be possessed until the very end. it was...upsetting to me because i'm a stage 5 hwa pyung simp and my heart hurt so badly for him to see his grandpa like that but that's just me.
i think to answer your question, park il do is a manifestation of all the evil traits humans possess. at the end of the show, hwa pyung said, "whenever the world is depraved and humanity corrupt, the guest will return." in catholic religion, demons are said to feed on negative energy like hatred and anger and jealousy. you see it in the show, too. the characters involved all have some level of darkness to them--some reason to invite a demon in. park il do has minions--demons--he commands that possess these people, while he maintains virtually undetectable control over hwa pyung's grandfather. he thrives on people's darkest sides and seeks power in the form of a vessel who has a unique level of access to both the human and demon realms. he aches to use hwa pyung to take hold of more, because not only is hwa pyung incredibly powerful, but he's also absolutely enshrouded in misery.
his biggest mistake was letting himself think it would be that easy once he had control. hwa pyung is easily one of the sweetest, most pure, most kindhearted people in that entire show, and everything he does is out of compassion or love. he wants to protect his grandpa. he wants to stop park il do from tearing the world apart one miserable human at a time. he isolates himself from those around him when things get dangerous. he relates to a little girl whose path of suffering he sees so clearly before him. he grows angry with assemblywoman park because of the torment he thinks she subjected to a hearing-impaired boy and his mother.
park il do was human darkness in tangible form. he was near-undefeatable in his quest for more power, and at the pinnacle of that quest was his ultimate weakness. yoon hwa pyung took in that darkness and shrouded it in light and won in the end.
as for post-canon, i love love love how it ended. love that choi yoon and gil young are still good friends. love that they thought the world of hwa pyung even after suspecting him dead. i love that they still kept in touch and that they're so much less tense around one another. and i absolutely love that we got that little snippet at the end where it's obvious it's not over between the three of them.
i think choi yoon will probably never leave the priesthood after all that happened. he sees how important his job really is, and for so much more than just finding his brother. gil young and detective koh have literally the most endearing buddycop dynamic that it's impossible for me to imagine they ever stop working together. he needs her blind determination to solve a case and she needs his lighthearted, playful nature and tendency to try (and fail) to keep her in line.
as for hwa pyung, i don't imagine he'll ever want to leave his little seaside home. the thing is, he genuinely believes park il do is still out there. so long as he's alive, park il do probably will be too. and so long as humans possess darkness and corruption, he stands a chance at resurfacing. hwa pyung chose to stay there because it's where park il do will resurface if he ever does come back. hwa pyung knows how to stop him and he wants to be prepared to do so if necessary. until there is a legitimate reason to believe park il do is dead, hwa pyung will likely stay put and be ready to fight him all over again.
and i feel like he's content with that. after so long spent searching, he not only knows the truth, but he finds purpose in it. he resolved himself to his fate long before the show ended. now, he's just much better armed.
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calllamander · 3 years
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Hi sweetie , just discovered your blog and followed immideatly! 💕
I neeeeeed basics of cuddling with my boy iwaizumi, kuroo and nishinoya if you'd like to! 😍
Have a great day!
Hi darling! This is turning into a series 😂 I love it though it’s entirely self indulgent I’m so happy you like my blog! This ask made my day, always good to see a fellow oikawa pfp
also: imma put this here for clarity - i can also do drabbles as well as hcs so ask anything! you want the stories behind hcs? ask! you want very specific situations? ask! sfw is the only rule lol
the basics of cuddling (pt 3!)
iwaizumi
looks like he could kill you, is actually a cinnamon roll
the type to act tough, make people think he is aloof, macho one might even say
But! do not be fooled
he is the sweetest okay? the touchiest. the loveliest.
iwaizumi is well known to be a man of few words, he shows that he loves you instead of tells you
thats his love language - actions because he is secretly intensely shy
so he always wants to feel you near him, it’s so comforting and it makes him feel better that u know he cares about you
so he’ll always sit close to you in restaurants
he’ll always brush away your hair
and (though he won’t tell you, you have to figure it out) he always taps you three times
wherever ur touching
three taps
“i love you”
also, expect him to always pull u in for kisses with a hand cupping ur neck
and hold ur hand in his (despite ahem size difference)
and he is so protective pls
woe betide anyone who’s rude to you or comes up to you unsolicited he will always be there with an arm round ur shoulder and a t shirt that shows how ripped he is
no one gon be messing w his s/o
scary dog privileges
kuroo
captain of the ‘can dish but they can’t take it squad’ (who else is in that squad? another post another post)
and EVEN then he doesn’t try and make you flustered
he’s just a mess and he gets flustered at everything
most people peg kuroo as a tease, the kind of person to try and get you all embarrassed or be all naughty in public for a laugh
but he would never okay?
that‘s people mixing up him and his persona on court
yeah that’s something confident suave him would do
but tetsu is just a very genuine guy pretending he can’t recite the whole periodic table song. sober.
and he doesn‘t want to embarrass you! in public!
so he keeps it very gentle and sfw
he just likes holding hands and resting his chin on ur head from behind when u guys are waiting in line or on the train
and when ur home he likes when u lean on him cause it makes him feel, just, still
and u feel safe
he traces shapes and words into your skin
“it’s a symbiotic relationship kitten”
“...”
nishinoya
such an enthusiastic simp of a boyfriend
mans worships u
and, loud, as he is, he goes all blushy and quiet and just yuu.exe. has stopped working when you cuddle him
he is the little spoon solely because he sleeps really quietly curled up without moving so he’s nice to cuddle
he learnt how to braid hair from his sisters so please let him braid yours he’s actually really good at it
and he sits suuuper still (for once) and is really careful not to pull
and gives the nape of your neck a little kiss when he’s done
y/n.exe. has stopped working
but yeah he likes to spin u round and have an arm round ur shoulders
and talk quietly so ur noses are almost touching
its a form of intimacy that’s unexpected because of all his other dramatic antics
yes he will fall at ur feet as a joke kinda
and yes he does go mad when other guys drool over u (tanka helps because bro code)
but he likes the softer moments too
but your relationship is not quiet babes don’t get me wrong
it’s loud and eccentric and full of pda and passionate kisses and ass slaps and compliments
it feels like home
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Hello! Can i please have our companions reacting to sole making toys for kids for xmas? It would be so cute!
OMGoodness, you’re right!! That is such an adorable mental image 🥺🥺🥺
Thank you for the request, and I hope you enjoy! 💙💛
Cait - Thinks that the kids probably won't appreciate them nearly as much as they should and that it might be a lost cause, but she sort of admires F!Sole for all of the thought she puts into it. However, when she sees the kids actually receive them, Cait is considerably softer about it, and she sees how much they really do appreciate it.
Piper - Feels even more love and admiration for her best friend. Piper thinks that she is truly the best person on the planet and the sweetest person in the world, and now that she has started making toys for kids like this, Piper somehow sees her as an even better person. Piper offers to help in any way she can even if it's just helping to wrap the presents or handing them out to kids.
Curie - Feels her chest growing so, so warm when she sees F!Sole hard at work trying to make things better for children. She is already in the Christmas spirit, so she is practically bouncing with her happiness and excitement about the whole thing. Curie excitedly asks to help, and she is soon eagerly wrapping the presents and handing F!Sole tools when she needs them.
MacCready - Honestly is really thrilled with the whole thing, and he knows how much kids will appreciate getting such wonderful gifts. Plus, since they're made by the handiest person he knows, so they're bound to be awesome. In fact, he sort of wants one for himself.....
Deacon - Is really pleased with her efforts, and thinks that she is doing a really good thing for the youngsters of the Commonwealth. When it becomes time for her to hand them out to the kids, he is there in his typical undercover fashion. He even tries to prank her and gets in line dressed as a kid just to see if she will fall for it. She catches him, and when she does, they both get a good laugh out of it.
Codsworth - Is really happy to see that his mistress is being so kind to all of the children, and he is even more ecstatic to see that so many kids will receive presents at Christmas. He loves the Christmas spirit that is being spread, and he only wishes that people would keep that sense of goodwill even outside of the season.
Hancock - Just feels this genuine warmth overcome him and he cannot stop smiling every time that he looks over in her direction while she is working on the toys for the kids. He ends up making a whole speech at Goodneighbor about how at Christmas, they should show goodwill, and he makes sure to bring her up and talk a big lots about her good work.
Danse - Cannot help but smile when he sees her so hard at work on the toys. He actually even offers to help her since he knows how to work on some things. Most of his expertise is weapons and power armor, and as a result, there are a whole lot of toy guns made for the children of the Commonwealth.
Preston - Is overcome with a happiness he has not felt in a really long time. He has never been prouder that F!Sole is the general of the Minutemen, and he very happily spreads the word of her efforts and lets the entire militia know just how incredible that she is and how she is not only defending the Commonwealth but is also providing for some of its youngest members.
Valentine - Is very proud of her and makes sure to tell her just how he feels. He thinks that it is positively one of the sweetest things that she has ever done, and he feels a lightness within him that just lifts his very being. Whenever it is time, he is handing out the presents alongside her, looking at her with a deep fondness in his eyes the entire time.
X6-88 - Is not really overly outwardly affected by her work, but he is strangely inclined to at least help her hand the toys out. When she finally finishes making all of them, he offers to assist her with giving them to the kids. Of course, she lets him, and when they are both working together to give the gifts to the children, he feels the strangest satisfaction coming over him.
Dogmeat - Does not totally get what's going on, but he's totally on board with it. He is really excited when it is time to hand the toys out to kids, because almost every kid gives him a pet before leaving. He feels that this toy giveaway thing is an absolutely wonderful thing to do.
Strong - Does not understand but when she simply explains that she is helping people, he decides that's good and he leaves it be. When all of the kids come to get the toys, he is shocked by the amount of very tiny humans that she is apparently helping and does not exactly know what to think.
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Hi! Do you do emergency requests? If so, could I get the Miya twins, Oikawa, and Suga with an S/o with PTSD? Feel free to do whatever, I love your works <3
Hello love! I'm writing this as soon as I can because this is such an important request and I'm really honoured you trust me with it. If you ever want to talk, my DMs are open so don't hesitate to drop me a message, okay? 💖 I love you.
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Haikyuu boys and their s/o's with ptsd.
Characters: Tooru Oikawa, Miya Osamu, Miya Atsumu, Koushi Sugawara
Warnings: mentions of dark themes, anxiety, depression, etc.
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Tooru Oikawa
Oikawa would be the type of person to love you fiercely and deeply, and that involves accepting all parts of you. He's not the type to get easily frustrated or give up, so when he realizes he loves you? You bet he's going to always be by your side.
He's very vocal about his love, and he understands that sometimes you need lots of reassurance, so you can often hear him talking to you in a calm and soft voice, and telling you how much you mean to him.
“I'm fond of Shakespeare because he says all the things I want to, but better. So I'll quote him. I will love you, y/n, till the sun grows cold and the stars grow old.”
He promises to love you forever, and when you look into his soulful chocolate brown eyes, you know deep in your heart, that he's never been more serious.
Whenever he's sleeping with you, he's always embracing you, and holding you close to him in a protective position. Sometimes, the nightmares come back and you shake uncontrollably, but he's always there to soothe you and rub comforting circles on your back.
Makes you tea, and although he wasn't very good at it at first, he now makes the best and most fragrant chamomile tea.
He's a light sleeper, which means even if you don't realise it yourself, he's ready to rock you back and kiss you back to sleep gently.
But Oikawa isn't Oikawa if he isn't playful, so he does his best to always make the situation a bright and optimistic one. He understands some things are beyond his control, but your smile? He's gonna do his best to make sure it remains.
The corniest of pickup lines, (all of which he means), and simple but heart-warming romantic gestures because he wants you to know he cares. He really does, and he wants you to always remember that he's there for you.
Small dates when the stress gets too much, or ice cream together in a local convenience store because he knows how much you love it, this man will go the extra mile to make you happy.
You love showering together. Not in a sexual way, but because sometimes, you just like feeling his gentle fingers shampoo your hair as he hums softly, or his warm embrace as the water washes your troubles away.
Oikawa will love you more than he loves himself, because he's finally found someone who helps him feel like he's more than what he thought he was.
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Miya Osamu
Osamu is your home, and your comfort place. He is as steadfast as a rock, and loyal and warm, and everything about him soothes you.
The way his soft hands always find yours and gently hold them, rubbing small circles on your palm has been an action that greatly comforts you when you're feeling overwhelmed, and he always knows when to do it.
Osamu loves showing his love through food. He wants you to know that his warmth will be with you, even when he is not, and you find signs of his love in the granola and porridge he makes you in the morning before work, and in the onigiri bentos you have for lunch. It serves as a constant reminder of him, and that he cares for you.
When he thinks you aren't looking, he stares at you with the most lovestruck expression on his face, eyes glazed and lips curled into a smile.
Although not as vocal about his love for you, since Osamu prefers showing it through actions, he likes hearing you talk. He is quiet, and will listen if you ever have traumatic flashbacks.
While you're talking, and letting it all out, he makes the warmest hot chocolate, and holds you in his arms when you are done, repeatedly telling you how proud he is of you.
“I'm so proud of ya, angel. So proud. Yer safe with me now, and I'm never leaving you.”
He loves having physical contact with you whenever you are out, and whether it be in the forms of his hand on your back, or his knees touching yours, he wants you to know he's there for you.
He realises he likes gardening, after seeing your happy face smiling at a flower, and makes it a point to grow the sweetest smelling blooms, only to shyly gift it to you when they're blossomed. The smile on your face was worth it all, and due to that, you start gardening alongside him too.
Likes tucking the flowers in your hair every once in a while, and blushing at how nice you look.
Osamu is your favourite cup of warm tea, and his arms your constant home, safe from the cruelties of the world, and he loves you more than you'll ever know, and more than he can ever hope to express.
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Miya Atsumu
For his whole life, Atsumu has been taken care of. But when he meets you, he finally experiences the joy of having someone else depend on him.
Atsumu could never understand why someone would ever hurt a person as precision as you. Because when the world sees his gruff persona, his inner character is soft and gentle, and reserved only for you.
If you have scars, Atsumu kisses them each night. His lips gently press against places which were once reminders of pain, but now are replaced with sensations of his soft lips. He wants you to know that every part of you, is worth loving, even if you might not know it yourself.
Atsumu has large hands, and although most people think he's not good with them, he's suprisingly very good at making delicate braids with your with. It calms you down, having him play with your hair, and it makes him feel really satisfied when he sees how well your braids turn out.
If you ever think lowly of yourself, Atsumu can never stand it. He hates it when you don't see what he does, and although it takes some time to convince you, he does it earnestly, wanting you to genuinely understand why you're so special.
“Don't say that about yerself. Yer perfect. Yer beautiful, and smart, and amazing, so please stop doubting yourself. If only ya could see what I see.”
Atsumu loves buying you things that remind him of you. Whether it be a small teapot in your favourite colour, or your favourite chocolate when you're out to get groceries, he's never not thinking of you.
He also definitely gets you a cute stuffed animal to hug at night, because he had one as a child, and on nights when he couldn't sleep, hugging his helped him immensely, which is why he thinks it might work with you too.
Atsumu thinks life is too short to be high strung, and wants you to relax as much as possible. He's never making tight plans, and prefers to instead go with the flow.
Sometimes, you stir in your sleep, getting nightmares and unbearable images flashing through your head, but Atsumu always places you on him, your head on his chest, and soothes you to sleep with the sound of his steadily beating heart.
He reminds you it beats for you, and only you, and that the nightmares may be there, but they'll disappear soon, while he, will not. He will be by your side forever.
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Koushi Sugawara
Suga is no stranger to helping people pick themselves up. With his kind and caring personality, you really can't help but find yourself drawn to him.
It's in the smallest things he does, like reads you the paper every morning in his clear and sweet voice, or sends you texts every afternoon without fail, he makes you feel secure.
The small kisses he peppers on your face, or the way he lovingly wraps his arms tighter around you every night when you shiver from the cold, or the nightmares, are testament to the undying adoration he has for you.
He's always attentive to details, which means he knows you better than yourself. He knows going to places with crowds might trigger your memories, so he chooses a quieter place for dinner. He knows the slight tremble in your hand means you're not okay, and so he's gently soothing you, and taking you home.
Suga is your best friend, and the one constantly there for you, to be your biggest supporter along every step of the journey. Dealing with things like these, are messy, but he knows that, and you know he'll never judge.
He thinks you're perfect, and he wants you to start looking at the world the way you used to, with hope and wonder.
And that starts with you having a safe place, a comfortable one which you can associate with him, which is why he often brings you out to enjoy nature.
Small picnics in the woods, quiet hikes up scenic trails, and dates overlooking waterfalls or streams, Suga wants you to love nature because it is beautiful, just like you
“It is beautiful, just like you, but majestic, and grand, and strong, and those things are just like you too.”
And slowly, his eyes gaze at you fondly as you stroke the tiny bird which has landed on your finger, because you're finding the beauty in life again.
And he will fight, and go to the ends of the earth to stop anyone, who dares take that happiness and healing away from you, because you deserve to love the world again.
Taglist: @raychii @dai-tsukki-desu @k-sakusa-old @pocket-of-anxiety @sunasthing @osamusriceballs
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xiaoluclair · 2 years
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🤡🍦✨💌
Bonus: 🌵How's the cactus fic doing?
saw the word 'cactus'.
started crying.
🤡 what's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?
oh god. okay, there's quite a few that have made me smile (mainly out of the thought 'If Only Younger Me Could See This Now', but laugh. okay we'll try this: the first thing that made me genuinely proud (in a sense of the word) of my humor is this [x]:
“Thought about me and thongs a lot, have you?”
“Yes,” says Lando. “And you look stupid.”
Pierre laughs.
Yuki says, “No, he doesn’t.”
“What,” says Lando.
“He can show you I think.” Yuki gestures to the phone held between all three of them.
Pierre isn’t laughing anymore. Lando thinks he might be about to start.
🍦 what's the sweetest fic you've created so far?
the swEETEST?! PI ARE WE THINKING OF THE SAME FIC-WRITER HERE?!!?! im fairly certain i've never written anything sweeter than the shells of toxic wastes (or a bag of lemons) in my life. and as someone who loves both toxic waste shells and lemons, probably this sewis fic.
✨give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it.
you've literally asked me to big myself up which is the one thing i give everyone grief over bc i do it so much (always unironically ofc) but it's like that whole 'what's your favorite color? [proceeds to forget every color that's ever existed]' [cries]. i'm gonna loophole this one a little and say something i remember someone else saying, and it's 'your metaphors feel like scratching an itch i didn't know was bothering me'. that comment felt like scratching an itch i didn't (not) know was bothering me. (but also... i guess our (my writing and i) ability to just. not give a fuck? we crack around without a care in the world or anyone else's mental health - least of all our own - and i love that for us <3). also i have it on fairly good authority that said cracking around can bring a smile to some people’s faces (looking at you, shan), so... cmon how can i not take that as the biggest compliment ever???!
💌 how do you feel about comments and feedback?
i know you know the answer to this one. i adore both. they feed my soul. i am simple creature. simple creature like validation. simple creature is me! if you feed me with your words about my words, you can guarantee i'm fighting the urge to propose to you for the following 24hrs.
🌵 how's... that "fic" going?
it's. going?? honestly i can't believe you still remember it [sobs] i took a trip down memory lane about this recently. suffice to say, i was sufficiently scarred. and after a pop over to the google doc just now, i can tell you that i have written 19 words of the next chapter!!! which i’m gonna share bc why the fuck not:
The priest’s name is Alonso. He has a receding hairline and a twink boyfriend.
He is also wholly unhelpful. 
(also i was considering gifting it to you actually - would that be okay?
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magnoliapip · 3 years
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Potential Open Heart Love Interests Who Were Wasted
By now, we all understand that Pixelberry has wasted every single fragment of potential that the Open Heart series had. Frequently overshadowed by aimless plotlines and unbalanced attention toward the four love interests we had is the vast array of potential love interests the OH series could have had. This list is the top 10 (yes, 10) love interests PB wasted. This means that this list will not be discussing the wasted potential in the four love interests we were handed (Bryce, Jackie, Rafael and Ethan).
Please note that some of these (especially toward the bottom) are included more for fan service than for actual wasted potential. Also, these are all my own opinions. Please feel free to share your own! There may be spoilers below. Viewer discretion is advised!
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#10 -- Baz Mirani
Not introduced until Book 2 of the Open Heart series, Baz is the friendlier and more outgoing of the two Doctors Mirani. One of the top in his field of immunology, Baz manages to balance his intellect with an easygoing nature. A relaxed positivity that almost comes off as too much. He was never really around enough, nor did he have the right interactions with MC in the series to feel like a fully developed love interest. However, after having the options in another PB book Laws of Attraction, it might have been interesting to see how it would turn out if MC could hook up with Baz.
#9 -- June Hirata
Also not introduced until Book 2, Dr. Hirata is a ruthless force to be reckoned with. A cunning behavior psychologist and brilliant neurologist, one can never really know what to expect from June, though this is mostly because no one can tell if her actions are genuine. After MC is told how June “earned” her place on the diagnostics team, it becomes clear that she will stop at nothing to get what she wants. Honestly, the prospect of having that directed toward MC...yeah, I want it. Badly. The only reason she isn’t higher on the list is because of her social inconsistency..
#8 -- Zaid Mirani
One of two senior residents introduced to the MC in book 1, Zaid is partly responsible for managing the interns. Zaid is the more blunt of the Mirani twins and can come off as an ass. He’s also shown to have a softer side that comes out in increasing increments throughout the series culminating in a touching moment in book 3. Once more, Zaid isn’t someone the MC interacts with a whole lot throughout the books, acting more as a recurring character to pop up once or twice a book, but I think that is a crock. I wanted more Zaid and I’m sorry we didn’t get it.
#7 -- Elijah Greene
A fellow intern at Edenbrook Hospital, MC meets Elijah in book 1 along with the rest of their group of friends. Elijah quickly becomes a steadfast friend and even a roommate. Clearly a brilliant doctor with a future in research, Elijah balances this with his upbeat personality and love of science fiction and gaming. Characters like Elijah often get relegated to the realm of being a best friend and it might have been nice to see him opened up as a possible love interest. He’s fiercely loyal, as seen by his defense in book 2 at the baseball game, and is steadfastly determined to get where he wants to be. There’s a lot to be admired in Elijah, but considering PB dropped his canon love interest, Phoebe, I shouldn’t be surprised that he was never an option anyway.
#6 -- Sienna Trinh
Sienna is literally the best.
I should just end it there because anyone who has read the series knows, but for the sake of this list…Sienna is an ally of MC’s right from the moment they meet, when Sienna helps get MC out of a sticky situation. This perfectly encompasses Sienna’s character. She spends the entire series taking care of everyone but herself and being just the sweetest, kindest, most amazing baker and chinchilla mommy that exists. After what happens in book 1 and book 2 with both of her canon love interests, well, #Siennadeservesbetter. And I think her fellow dolphin would have been the perfect person for her. 
The only reason she is so far down on the list is because she does make such an incredible best friend.
#5 -- Harper Emery
The female older mentor to match Ethan. Harper would have been in a more compromised position, not just being a direct superior to MC like Ethan, but also being the Chief of Medicine for the hospital. As an admin, watching her toe the line between desire and propriety would have been just *chef’s kiss*. Instead, her role was consigned to being the family member too hard on their younger charge, projecting what she wants but can’t have onto Aurora. Now that I think about it, that last sentence makes me want it even more.
Besides, it would have been another female love interest rather than the one that we seem to get every book and a woman of color at that.
#4 -- Landry Olsen
I know what you’re thinking but just hear me out for a second and then you can eviscerate me in the comments.
Landry is a character that has me torn in more ways than one. First, I love the twist in book 1 where we see him for who he “truly is”. It was unexpected and a lovely change.
That notwithstanding, I was also deeply saddened to see yet another promising story not come to pass. See, there aren’t many characters like Landry who are so incredibly awkward but also come off as friendly. It was a lovely change of pace and it would have been amazing, just the sweetest, to see MC bring Landry out of his shell. MC could have helped Landry gain confidence to do far more than talk to the girl across the bar. Before the end of the book, he would have been having a full ass conversation with Ethan and maybe even mustering up the bravery to ask MC out. All of the pieces were there, either as platonic friend or love interest. Instead, Landry lived long enough to see himself become the villain. But my friends to lovers slowburn adoring heart will always have a piece longing for what could have been. Judge me if you will.
#3 -- Tobias Carrick
Originally introduced in book 2 to be to Ethan what Mass Kenmore is to Edenbrook, Tobias’ story takes a flip once book 3 comes around. Immediately compelling from the get go, Tobias shows a charming competitive nature sprinkled with arrogance, grey morality, and a devilish side. Tobias’ personality would either be completely in line with MC or completely against MC depending on how you tend to play the game. Both are completely valid and interesting options. Even before the infamous beet puns in book 3, Tobias made me want to know more. Tobias was the ultimate character in the Open Heart series that would have made a perfect one night stand. Alas, it seems we’ll never know more and must stick to the fantastic fanfiction writers on sites like this to sate us.
#2 -- Aurora Emery
Let me tell you, the line between #’s 1 and 2 is so thin it’s barely there. Those two are so close I almost can’t distinguish which one I wanted more. Aurora is first presented to MC and the gang as an intern who seems like she may become an antagonist of the series. As Book 1 presses on, we start to see Aurora in a whole new light. MC comes to understand why Aurora has the cold and closed off personality she does and when given the chances later in the series, Aurora opens up into almost an entirely different person as she finds herself outside of the expectations of her family.
Aurora is a brilliant doctor very nearly on the same level as MC and later seems to become a parallel to MC for what Tobias is to Ethan. Thankfully Aurora and MC’s relationship is a lot less volatile, but those brief fireworks make me really wish Aurora and MC would have officially been a thing. I feel like PB was weighing the option for a while but decided against it, much to their detriment.
However, I had to push Aurora down for one specific reason to come in the explanation for #1. And #1 is…
#1 -- Farley the Landlord
Be honest. After having Landry on this list, you thought this was a serious entry for a second, didn’t you? Just kidding!
(the real) #1 -- Kyra Santana
Kyra meets MC for the first time when Ethan dubiously introduces her to them because Kyra broke her arm in an accident. Right from the start, Kyra is an incorrigible flirt, obviously egged on by her cancer diagnosis and fear of death. Kyra has such an incredible story. Throughout books 1 and 2, Kyra is an incredible friend to MC and it breaks my heart that PB dropped her romantic storyline the way they did.
This is why Kyra edged out Aurora for #1. Going back and re-reading book 1, it’s always obvious that Kyra was meant to be a love interest. I’m not sure what stopped them from going forward with it. I’d like to think it had something to do with potential backlash for having a patient and their doctor get involved, but I think it has more to do with being a woman or a woman of color than anything else. Which is a damned shame. We stan Kyra Santana in this house and I wanted to leave with her at the end of book 2.
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So what do you all think? Do you agree with any of my placements? Vehemently disagree with others? I wrote this at 2am when I couldn’t sleep and didn’t bother to proofread before posting so you’re welcome.
Let me know below and cross your fingers for the finale of Open Heart book 3 coming later today!!
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lmao retail workers always have aces up their sleeves! Anyways, I'm in a sally face mood today and it's been a while since last time I requested something! Can I request some fluffy romantic head-canons for Sally? 💙 ilovehimsomuch I need some cliché high school crush stuff, how would he get his clueless S/O's attention, how does he confess? Kill me with fluff! *swoons*
GJAUIWKUFYVHCHEJBFILAUSOV*PUIG FHAWUIFG F:IAWOFIGAWIUA
YOU LIKE
SALLY FAC E!?#!?!
OF:AH:AWIFHOAWUFHOAWU:FHAW
I SCREECHED OUT LOUD AND I TEARED UP
OAUGIAAWI’M  BREATHING HEAVIER THAN THE HEAVY BREATHING CAT MEME
YES YES YEFS YE SYE SYES YES I WILL WRITE ANYTHING FOR SALLY MY GOD, I CAN’T STOP MY EXCTITEMENT, BLESSSSSSS, IDK IF I CAN WRITE PROPERLY, I”M SORRY BUT OMFG I”m SO ENTHUSIASTIC ATM ;AWIHFAWOF:HAWO
---
HE IS SO SWEET AND BEAUTIFUL
And yes, now I can write properly, got a 15 minute walk with my puppy and now I’m calmer.All good x
---
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Poor Poor Sal, if it wasn’t for Larry and his other friends that he met, his Highschool experience would have been a living nightmare...Not that most of his life wasn’t already pretty tragic as it was.
Thankfully, he wasn’t a dumb person, contrary to what his bullies thought, but he wasn’t a genius either, so there were a few times where he might have needed some academic help, and you were there to help, which is how you became friends.
He was absolutely shocked that you treated him so kindly, as if there wasn’t nothing wrong with him - Or rather said, as if he was just a normal kid with no mask, no weird long blue hair with 2 pigtails and a girly nickname or a pretty short stature.
Sal was even more surprised when you suggested going to a nice and more private cafe to study, claiming it would be a much better atmosphere for studying and relaxing, which would eliminate any shyness and nervousness either of you would have, and honestly, he was incredibly grateful for your intuition and kindness with everything.
Your voice was so warm and kind, you were so patient, helping him out with every little thing that for you might seem easy, but he was struggling with...
Your smile was dazzling, looking like literal sunshine, your hair was draping and framing your face like you were a renaissance painting made by da Vinci, and your vibe was so soothing that he felt as safe as if you, a guardian angel, was wrapping her pristine wings around him.
His heart was beating so fast, and at first he didn’t understand why - Or rather said, he didn’t want to admit that he actually fell for someone.
I mean...He’s Sally Face...Who’d ever like someone as weird and disfigured as him...?
That day, when you were done studying, he walked you home, and you smiled so sweetly at him when you waved him goodbye, that he felt his knees weaken.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Sal.”
It wasn’t a goodbye, it was a see you later - You actually were okay with seeing him again.
Larry is the first person who hears about everything and you bet he’s super happy about the whole idea, and he’s going to play match-maker no matter what.
His bro’s happiness is the most important thing in his life, after all, and if you showed him so much kindness and were so passive about his looks and everything, then that can only mean you have the potential to be such a great match for the blue haired soft baby.
From then on, Larry is going to make sure you are one of the group and you hang out with them more often, and as often as possible, would get everyone away from there, leaving only the two of you alone.
Sal would try to use some gaming flirt lines or pick up lines, but you’d merely laugh at how funny, cute and imaginative they were, not picking up the hint.
He would give you little gifts, with some occasions even flowers, but you’d only play it as him being a sweetheart with his friends.
He would even write songs for you and will give them to you, but you only thought he was trying to write love songs to express himself.
Everything he tried to do, all the little, subtle...Not so subtle hints that he tried to give you, when he tried to test out the waters...They only made you think he was a nice friend.
He couldn’t realise how you could be so clueless to his affections towards you, and it was driving him crazy.
Not only him, but Larry as well, would groan and hit his head on the desk, annoyed at how blind you could be and how you were forcing Sal to outright confess his love for you, so after a long enough time, when the blue haired boy finally managed to muster the courage, Larry started helping him create a love confession.
He would hype up Sally a lot and help him rehears how to ask you out, what to wear, what to say, what to gift you and so on...
But honestly now, when do plans E V E R work the way they are supposed to?!
He’s a mess, he’s stuttering and blushing like crazy (not that you can see it), he somehow managed to grip so hard on the flowers out of anxiousness that he destroyed them and he basically had to run away so he wouldn’t make an even bigger idiot out of him and make you hate him.
You tried to access his walkie talkie a lot, but he kept it shut out of embarrassment, so Larry was the next best option, and he mentioned a place where Sal would go sometimes when he needs to feel better, so following the directions, you saw Sal playing his guitar while staring up at the cloud, his voice expressing the beautiful sorrow that he felt in his heart.
You listened attentively to the sad lyrics and you realised that he himself wrote the lyrics, and you approached him as soon as he was done with the song.
“That was beautiful, Sal. I never knew you had such an angelic voice. And your guitar skills are really something...Will you teach me one day?” you walked next to him, unintentionally scaring him out of his wits.
That only made him let out a small shriek, jolting in place and hitting his head on a tree branch, and in result, making his mask fly away.
He didn’t realise it at first, especially because you didn’t sketch any kind of reaction when you went to fetch him back the mask, and he only realised it when you kneeled next to him, offering to help him put it back.
Poor Sally freaked out big time, covering his face, saying how you shouldn’t look at someone like him, that you’re too perfect to stay around him, and you could feel his voice wavering, breaking, his eyes glistering with tears.
It took every ounce of power you had to put away his hands and kiss him as gently as possible, only to leave him speechless, powerless, unable to hold the tears from streaming his pale cheeks.
Once you reassure him that he is in no way ugly, and that he shouldn’t ever downgrade his worth the way he did, the only thing he can say is a short and genuine love confession, so soft and genuine that it made your heart skip a bit, seeing the love and innocence in his beautiful eyes.
From then on, you, Sal and Larry would be the terrific trio, but this is a request specifically about Sally, so here goes that.
He’s still going to feel insecure, since you could do SO much better, he says, but you wouldn’t hear any of that shit.
He would let you play with his hair, styling it in any way you want, and hell, if you want to, he could style your hair in any way you want, and yes, that means braiding too.
Sally would absolutely MELT if you’d want to match clothes or hairstyles with him, oh god, how cute would that be?!
He honestly looks at you like a Goddess or something since you’re always so sweet with him, even during the times when you’re sad about something, which is when he knows he must step in and make sure you’re okay, trying his best to at least make you smile, if you can’t feel a genuine laugh.
Sal loves to gift you plushies for some reason and when he sees you cuddling with it on a night when you have a sleep over...You killed this boy.
Overall, he’s...Like...The sweetest person in the world? Would care about you, your heart and your well-being literally above anything else?
Would be okay with hugs and cuddles and kisses of any kind at ANY time you want, no matter the place or occasion.
If you’re in public, he would blush a bit, but as long as it made you happy, it didn’t really matter.
And, I mean, it kinda made him be filled with a certain sense of pride and confidence whenever you’d so freely flaunt your relationship in public because -
YOU WEREN’T ASHAMED OF BEING WITH HIM!!!
And
HE WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE AN ANGEL AS HIS LOVER!!!
So basically
He got the Jackpot.
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The Last Weekend (S2, E13)
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It’s been a trip fam. Hopefully, it continues for a third season. Thanks for sticking with me this far. 
My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.
SPOILERS AHEAD:
0:19 - That taxidermy is creepy af. 
0:25 - Ok. But like, this is amazing. Look at Malcolm. He’s confused,  annoyed, and a little pissed off but he doesn’t actually look scared. He just woke up in a strange place tied to a chair and the last thing he remembers is telling his father to run. He knows his serial killer father kidnapped him but he’s not scared because there’s a part of Malcolm that is so so desperate for Martin to love him. Malcolm is NOT okay. His reaction to being kidnapped by his serial killer father is evidence of that. This dude is not in a good mental place. I'm here for it. This is bad. 
0:40 - Groggy, annoyed, and sassy Malcolm is adorable.
0:51 - This is a woman who thinks not telling the NYPD about that Capshaw phone call killed her son. She doesn’t know where Malcolm is right now or if he’s alive. BUT Jessica knows Martin has Malcolm and therefore - Malcolm is not safe. The guilt and fear is oozing from Jessica and I want to hug her. :( <3
1:13 - Again. Malcolm is in danger. Why doesn’t Ainsley seem to be worried? At all?!? This girl’s lack of empathy is genuinely concerning. If my brother was abducted by our abusive father I would be a wreck. 
1:25 - “Don’t get cocky.” HA. What a great line. Although, it’s really sad to see how desperate Ainsley is for some attention from her mother. Although, I do love the contrast between this line and the line from 1x3: "You watch my reports?" "Not with the sound on". Jessica really is growing as a parent. I love that for her. 
1:31 - “Capshaw is claiming Malcolm was Dad’s accomplice.” WHY ISN'T AINSLEY UPSET ABOUT THIS. SHE’S ACTING LIKE IT’S JUST SOME JUICY GOSSIP. BE ANGRY GIRL. BE SCARED. BE UPSET. THIS IS YOUR BROTHER. At least Jessica is pissed and scared about it. 
1:46 - “Cruel eyes.” Has Capshaw ever looked at Malcolm? That boy has the sweetest eyes ever. They’re a gorgeous shade of blue, wide, and expressive. Never cruel. Often fearful. ALSO the fact that Capshaw looks at the window (where she knows Malcolm’s friends are standing) when she says this INFURIATES ME. I want this woman dead. She is the spawn of Satan and you can't change my mind. 
1:50 - The way Dani looks at Gil when he says, “You buying this?” is wonderful. This girl is scandalized at the idea that Gil might be buying Capshaw’s story. This girl is team Malcolm and I love her for it. She's so offended at the idea that Gil - the man who's known Malcolm since he was 10 years old - might think Malcolm is a bad guy. <3 <3 
1:52 - “Our boy’s crazy, but not that crazy.” <3 <3 <3 Every time JT calls Malcolm “our boy” or “our guy” my heart explodes. I love the evolution of their relationship so so so much. <3 Also JT is giving off major big brother vibes to Dani and Malcolm this episode and I LOVE IT. <3
1:54 - “Good. We all know she’s lying. Problem is we’re the only ones.” This whole scene. *CHEF’S KISS* Seriously, protective!Dani, protective!JT, and protective!Gil in the same scene?!? All going to bat for Malcolm? I’m in love. This is the found family content I’m here for. ALSO look at GIL. This man is so so pissed that someone is trying to paint his surrogate son as the bad guy. Gil is a good man but someone is threatening his family and that means he’s going to break his own rules. <3 I’m here for it. This is the kind of inner turmoil I subscribed to this show for. 
2:02 - "Good morning sleepyhead." I have thoughts. 1) If Martin truly cared about Malcolm why didn't he restrain Malcolm on one of those twin beds (where he could actually sleep) instead of tying him to a chair?!?! 2) Look at how hard Martin is trying to act like Malcolm's friend (not even a good friend). He's not acting like Malcolm's dad. A dad or a good friend wouldn't leave a guy who just suffered from an embolism alone and tied to a chair. They'd take him to a hospital, obviously that was out of the question here. So for the sake of this comparison, a good friend/dad would have put Malcolm on the bed, gotten some warm blankets for him, made sure water was close by, and stayed with him until he woke up - to you know, MAKE SURE HE'S STILL BREATHING?!?! BUT not Martin, this dude just waltzes into the room and delivers a mildly condescending yet cheery rendition of "good morning sleepyhead" almost as though Malcolm's unconscious state was a burden to Martin. Even though Malcolm was unconscious because MARTIN DRUGGED HIM (also not good!Dad behaviour). 
2:04 - "You drugged me?!?" This breaks my heart. After everything, Malcolm is still surprised (and rightfully annoyed) that his father drugged him. Malcolm knows that Martin is a bad man. He knows Martin has drugged him before. He knows he shouldn't trust Martin but after everything there's still a part of Malcolm desperate to believe that Martin loves him. PLUS one of the last memories Malcolm has before he woke up in this motel is of Martin saving his life. Malcolm was giving in to the "maybe Dad really does love me" mentality. It's heartbreaking and I want to give Malcolm a hug. 
2:23 - I find this whole exchange so upsetting yet interesting. Both Malcolm and Martin are being openly hostile to each other. Usually, Malcolm is civil to Martin but right now, Martin is NOT chained to a wall and Malcolm is acting like an argumentative and whiny teenager (and rightfully so but still not a safe move). Martin is matching Malcolm’s mood. Martin is engaging in Malcolm’s frustration with an off-putting amount of cheer. I honestly believe Martin is just ecstatic that he’s been given an opportunity to ‘be a father’ again. There’s also a part of me that is completely convinced that Martin was already hatching his plan to have Malcolm kill him. Why would he do that? My answer: 1) Martin doesn’t want to go back to prison, 2) To finally get revenge on Malcolm for turning him in in 1998, 3) he’s a predatory psychopath and he saw an opportunity to screw with someone, 4) Martin is pissed off that Malcolm keeps trying to distance himself from Martin. Martin see’s it as betrayal and he wants to make Malcolm suffer. 
2:25 - THIS. IS. AMAZING. The way Malcolm immediately panics and tries to escape Martin when the switchblade comes out is incredible. You can see Malcolm’s perspective shift. We actually see it flip back and forth all episode. Half the time, Malcolm is a little boy desperately trying to convince himself that Martin has changed and that Martin loves him. The other half of the time, Malcolm is a logical and educated adult who knows Martin is a dangerous killer who is trying to manipulate him. It’s such a compelling dichotomy.
 2:44 - “We are the victims here Malcolm.” I absolutely believe that Martin believes this statement. HOWEVER, I also think he’s using the situation to his advantage in an attempt to sway Malcolm’s trust in him. 
2:52 - “You’re in a pickle.” This infuriates me. Martin does NOT love or care about Malcolm. What Martin does love - is what Malcolm does for him. ie. Providing him a connection to the real world (visiting him in prison), giving him an outlet for his attention-seeking needs, giving him a plaything to manipulate. Martin views Malcolm as a pet NOT a person and NOT a son. That kills me. 
2:55 - “I need to call Gil.” <3 <3 This is absolutely beautiful and terrifyingly stupid. Beautiful because Malcolm is in trouble and his knee-jerk reaction is “Gil can help. I trust Gil. Gil loves me. He’ll listen. He’ll help.” <3 <3 So precious. It’s scary though because it’s no secret that Martin views Gil as a threat to his family. This will make Martin more determined to manipulate Malcolm. Because again, Martin views everything as possessions. He doesn’t actually love Malcolm, Ainsley, and Jessica. He loves the idea of them and what he can do with them. He doesn’t actually care about them though. He only cares about their wellbeing to the extent of how it will affect him. (SIDE NOTE: I’m honestly crushed that we didn’t get a proper Gil+Martin face off during this finale.)
2:58 - “Gil’s great and all.” This man speaketh from his ass. He hates Gil. This is some damn fine manipulation. He’s interaction with Malcolm in a way he knows Malcolm will have a positive reaction. I respect it. It also makes my blood boil (out of love for Malcolm).
3:05 - “Who would you believe?” This hurts. Look at how absolutely crushed Malcolm looks. Malcolm knows no one will believe him. Why would they? He’s the son of a serial killer with well documented mental health issues and well documented issues with rule-following. It’s common knowledge that he’s an intense and weird dude. And it’s all Martin’s fault. 
3:07 - “Can we talk?” I’m impressed. First, Martin complements the man he knows Malcolm respects more than anything. Then, he appeals to Malcolm’s insecurities and fears of being ‘The Surgeon’s son’. He does it all calmly, in a comforting tone of voice. This is manipulation at its finest. 
3:17 - “You look ridiculous.” This is Malcolm fully aware that Martin just tried to manipulate him. It still hurt Malcolm because those fears about no one believing him are completely rational and a very logical outcome of the scenario but at least Malcolm is aware of Martin’s game.
3:30 - “I’m Clare.” .....Clare = Claremont. Did Martin do that subconsciously or is he aware?  I can totally see him accidentally picking that name because after 20 years he’s begun to define himself as a part of the Claremont institution. He’s almost trying to maintain that link to the life he’s become accustom to. 
3:35 - “Too insane.” Holy shit. Malcolm sassing Martin is 1) hilarious but 2) super scary because I just keep waiting for Martin to snap and hurt Malcolm for his “disrespectful and ungrateful behaviour”. Malcolm really has no fear in this scene and I’m scared for what that means for his mental state. It’s not good. That much I know. 
3:45 - “I’m not your friend.” This broke my heart. Malcolm is so upset as he delivers this little outburst. He can see that Martin is trying to act like his friend instead of a loving father. It’s killing the little boy inside of Malcolm. It’s also frustrating for Malcolm because he wants so badly to do the right thing (turn Martin in) but he also just wants his dad to act like a real dad. 
3:55 - The fear in Malcolm’s eyes when Martin brings the knife back out. <3 Gorgeous. 
4:00 - The trepidation in Malcolm’s face as Martin cuts him loose. <3  ALSO, “I didn’t kill you. That’s gotta count for something.” why the hell should that count for something now? Martin tried to kill a 10 year old Malcolm. That should be the end. Any FATHER who tries to kill his 10 year old son (no matter what the kid may have done) is a garbage human and that child should never be told he has to forgive, trust, or have a relationship with his father. On some level Malcolm knows this BUT he’s also desperately trying to convince himself that Martin is a changed man. 
4:12 - WTF Ainsley? This scene genuinely makes me believe Ainsley has been somehow involved in this whole prison break scheme. Or at least, she’s been in contact with Martin since the escape. 
4:43 - “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Okay. Fine. Ainsley is finally showing a bit of fear here. But is it because of the Woodsman? Something tells me Martin has gotten into Ainsley’s head and Ainsely genuinely believes that Malcolm is safe with Martin. The Woodsman changes things though. Maybe the Woodsman was a variable Ainsley wasn’t expecting or didn’t plan with Martin. 
5:00 - “Why are we in Vermont?” First of all - there’s something precious about the way this line was delivered. Secondly, why is Malcolm eating? Doesn’t most food make him sick (1x1)? This is a high stress situation - presumably he’d be too nauseous/stressed to eat right now. 
5:15 - “That dream’s as dead as your 23 victims.” hahahaha ZING. This line actually hurts though. It’s not just Martin’s dream that’s dead. Malcolm’s is too. Presumably Malcolm has a fantasy somewhere in the back of his mind where he’s happily married with children. Hell, maybe his children visit their grandparents every weekend for Sunday brunch? But Malcolm probably doesn’t actually think he can have kids or a spouse because he’s terrified of what kind of a father and husband he’d be. That’s Martin’s fault. Martin has doomed Malcolm to avoid the deep, meaningful relationships in life that Malcolm clearly craves. 
5:25 - “I’m absolutely right” The anger in Malcolm’s voice is incredible and concerning. On one hand, it’s great that he’s being honest with Martin. He’s making Martin work for his trust and he’s communicating that Martin ruined certain aspects of Malcolm’s life. On the other hand, this boy has no sense of self-preservation. He’s provoking a predatory psychopath. He’s almost begging Martin to hurt him. I’m terrified at what that means for Malcolm’s mental health. 
5:35 - “Don’t you ever think it’s possible that I changed?” Look at Martin’s big stupid face. He doesn’t believe that he’s changed. He’s just trying to manipulate Malcolm. Martin doesn’t view Malcolm as a son. Just as a plaything. 
5:55 - “You want to find a missing woman. That’s your brilliant plan?” It’s an excellent plan. It’s a plan Martin knows Malcolm won’t be able to deny. Martin has observed Malcolm’s obsession with understanding serial killers for 23 years. Martin has watched Malcolm torture himself to save the victims of serial killers. Martin knows this is the one plan that will (at least temporarily) stop Malcolm from turning him in. Malcolm’s need to help other people is stronger than his need to help himself. So again, Martin is a shitty father. 
6:19 - “I worked the Woodsman case at the bureau for years.” Of course he did. $100 bucks says Martin knew that and he planned this out before his escape. Capshaw was an inconvenient hiccup in the plan but he was always going to kidnap Malcolm and try to manipulate Malcolm into becoming his partner in crime. 
6:42 - “Someone who’s not going to call Gil Arroyo the first chance he gets.” Damn. Martin feels threatened by Gil’s relationship with Malcolm. Which is why an escaped!Martin and Gil showdown would’ve made my year. 
6:46 - How convenient that Jeannie is from New York. 
6:52 - “But we could save her. Together.” Ugh. This breaks my heart. You can see that Malcolm knows Martin is manipulating him. You can also see that this is an offer Malcolm can’t deny. Saving people and finding/understanding killers is what keeps Malcolm sane. PLUS he desperately wants to spend time with the ‘nice’ version of his dad. The one he remembers from 1998. Malcolm is eating out of the palm of Martin’s hand and it’s so so so upsetting. 
7:01 - Why does Gary look so much like Deputy Crutchfield? It’s the moustache. 
7:10 - “This is my partner. Cameron.” UGh. I’m going to throw up. 1) Malcolm’s startled expression melts my heart. This boy does not want to be Martin’s partner in any sense of the word.  2) Was Martin implying that Cameron is Clare’s sexual partner? The hand around Malcolm’s shoulders made it feel that way to me. 
7:15 - Ugh. :( The way Malcolm looks at the hand on his shoulder. :( You can see how conflicted he feels. He likes the gentle, fatherly physical affection from Martin but he knows that Martin is a killer and this is an act. You can see that Malcolm knows this is all a hoax but you can also see how desperately Malcolm wants to believe in it. 
7:45 - OMG. This is a man who hasn’t been in public for a very long time. This is not socially acceptable behaviour and Malcolm looks so embarrassed and scared (that someone will recognize the serial killer making loud noises of pleasure over his pancakes). 
7:55 - I love that Malcolm isn’t eating. It aligns with Malcolm’s canonical eating problems. Kudos for the rare plot consistency.
8:13 - “I suppose I’m a little bisexual.” Ugh. Shut up Martin. You absolute moron. You’re not bisexual. You’re just a manipulative nutcase. It does make me wonder though, is this Martin’s way of trying to bond with Malcolm? Like maybe (whether it’s true or not) Martin thinks Malcolm might not be straight and he’s trying to have a father-son coming out of the closet moment? .....it sounds like a reach even in my head but here I am with this theory.
8:39 - The fact that Martin is such a verbal feminist throughout this show is so off putting to me. He’s a serial killer. He has no issues MURDERING people for FUN. Yet somehow it feels like I’m supposed to respect him more than the average man because he believes women are people with rights? Nah. It makes me hate him more because I don’t thinks he’s an actual feminist. I think he’s acting. He’s trying to appeal to what will make him seem more likeable. I think it’s a tactic he uses to soften Malcolm to his manipulation. 
8:48 - “I worked this case for years. Almost lost my mind over it.”........okay so I want more details on this. Did the FBI take him off the case? Did he stop working the case because he was fired? Did Gil watch Malcolm become consumed by the case and beg him to take himself off the case? 
8:52 - “I called every number at the FBI. You wanted nothing to do with me.” I hate Martin. He’s trying to blame Malcolm. He’s suggesting that more women could have been saved from the Woodsman if Malcolm hadn’t been ignoring Martin while he worked for the FBI. Martin is actually implying that the Woodsman could have been caught years ago if Malcolm wasn’t such a bad son. 
8:57 - “...such anger issues. Still do.” I’m going to punch him. I hate Martin. He’s mentally torturing our mental-fragile baby and he’s having fun doing it. Malcolm looks absolutely wrecked and my heart is shattering. Someone needs to give Malcolm a hug. Yesterday. 
8:59 - This moment has been giffed but damn is it worth pointing out again. The way Malcolm is self-soothing with his left hand while his right hand shakes is gorgeous. It really shows the depth of Malcolm’s inner conflict. I’m in love with this moment. Give Tom Payne an Emmy. Please.
9:13 - “There’s no time, my boy.” Every word that comes out of Martin’s mouth is calculated and manipulative. He has Malcolm exactly where he wants him and I hate it. 
10:05 - I’m 90% sure Martin already knows who the Woodsman is. He’s just playing dumb so he can screw with Malcolm’s head for longer.
10:17 - YES MALCOLM. Stand up to Martin. I love it. It also makes me worry about Malcolm’s mental health but I think we can all agree that Malcolm’s been on a downward spiral for months. At this point, our boy is not going to start improving his mental state until he hits rock bottom. 
10:19 - Martin actually looks shocked when Malcolm demands he earn his trust. Like it never occurred to him that Malcolm might be willing to rebuild the trust to begin with. 
10:30 - This whole scene between Gil and Ruiz is genuinely one of my top scenes of this episode (maybe even of the season). “The media will crucify him” “You might as well issue a shoot on sight order” “This isn’t a joke” “He has his demons but he’s not his father.” “I’ll stake my career on it.” This is one of the purest Papa!Gil scenes of the season and Malcolm isn’t even present. I love how Gil is literally willing to put his entire career on the line for Malcolm. I love how Gil is fighting for Malcolm in a public setting. Look at how the whole precinct watches the exchange. Gil is putting himself on the line in front of an entire precinct of people who respect him out of love for Malcolm. <3 <3 <3 
10:47 - “If he’s still alive.” If. Gil is terrified. Gil is losing hope. This isn’t like Watkins. Gil knows how desperately Malcolm wants Martin’s love and Gil knows that compromises Malcolm’s ability to profile his way out of a dangerous situation. Gil knows that Martin will kill Malcolm. Maybe not today, this week, or this year but it’s part of Martin’s plan. Gil knows that even if Martin doesn’t kill Malcolm - he’s capable of taking Malcolm away forever. Maybe by going on the run but maybe just because he tormented Malcolm to the point where Malcolm regresses to the scared 10-year old that Gil worked so hard to help. Gil knows Malcolm won’t survive that kind of trauma again. At least not mentally. Gil is terrified and I’m in awe. 
11:05 - “C’mon kid. Where the hell are you?” Hear that? It’s my heart shattering into a million pieces because this is the type of father Malcolm deserves. The fatherly concern Gil has for Malcolm is everything to me. 
11:20 - “Damn his daughter’s smoking.” hahahaha the irony. 
11:24 - Why am I so shocked and delighted that Malcolm has an NYPD ID? <3 It makes perfect sense that he’d have one but now I have these headcanons of Gil taking Malcolm around to the accounting office, and the administration offices to get him set up at the NYPD and my heart can’t handle how cute it is. 
12:12 - “You brought egg salad.” Ugh. These guys are so artificially in love and it grosses me out. 
12:54 - See what I mean? Crutchfield looks like Gary from the motel. I can’t unsee it. 
13:12 - Look another moment where Gil is CLEARLY thinking “this family I swear” hahahaha this man is so done with life today 
13:44 - “I know that look Jess.” <3 Aww....they’re practically married. <3 Jokes aside, this is amazing. Jessica respects Gil and she stops her plans when she notices the look on Gil’s face. She knows he’s not trying to control her - he’s trying to protect her and her children. He loves them and he’s trying to lighten her load. 
15:00 - “It’s your Lieutenant.” there’s a split second when you can see the hope, confusion, and fear clouding Malcolm’s face. For just a moment he thinks Gil is on the phone. Then the deputy says “Clare” and Malcolm’s expression transforms into one of annoyance and disgust. 
15:20 - “I didn’t have a credit card.” BAHAHAHAHAHA can we all just agree that talking about porn with your adult children is gross?
15:27 - This. Is. The. Worst. Thing. That. Could. Happen. The headline says “Son of Martin Whitly” and then later we find out Malcolm BRIGHT is on a wanted poster. Malcolm’s privacy from the press has been compromised. His life has been compromised. Nothing will ever be the same. This is bad for Malcolm’s already fragile mental health. His flimsy sense of safety has been forcibly removed and the public is going to crucify him again. Just for being Martin Whitly’s son. People are going to Google him. They’re going to find out he went to Harvard, that he was fired from the FBI, that he has mental health problems (although, Ainsley already exposed that). 
15:52 - Damn. It should be illegal for someone’s wanted picture to be that attractive (and I say that as an asexual).
16:00 - “You need a minute?” I love LOVE this interaction between JT and Dani. You can see that JT is a little unsure of how to talk to Dani because he loves her like a little sister and he knows she loves Bright. It’s adorable. <3 Big brother JT is my favourite JT. 
16:17 - “I like the guy.” UGH. I’m going to go sob in the corner. <3 <3 This line is AMAZING for two (2) reasons. 1) JT is admitting that he likes Malcolm. The bromance is real and I’m here for it. 2) This is JT subtly telling Dani that he knows she likes Bright as more than a friend and it’s not a bad thing. Malcolm isn’t a bad person and he can understand why she’s attracted to the annoying little dude. <3 
16:35 - Why is Ainsley working with Dani and JT? Does she actually want to find them? I still think she’s somehow involved in this. 
16:48 - “Did you steal this truck?!?” Good boy Malcolm. Don’t trust him. 
17:05 - Martin’s biggest mistake: he underestimated how devoted Malcolm is to his ‘mission’. He wasn’t able to manipulate and subdue Malcolm as quickly as he would’ve liked and now his plan is unravelling because Malcolm is snapping out of his ‘Martin might be good’ trance. 
17:19 - “I’m calling Gil. I should’ve known.” <3 I have no words. Just joy.
17:45 - “I do not want my son getting killed because of it.” LIES. Martin tried to kill Malcolm because of it when Malcolm was 10 years old. Martin didn’t care when Malcolm was bullied, shunned, and literally locked in a closet because of Martin. Martin didn’t care that the weight of his crimes destroyed his son’s childhood and continued mental health. Martin. Doesn’t. Care. The problem? Malcolm so so desperately wants to believe that Martin cares about him. You can convince yourself of almost anything if you want to badly enough. 
18:13 - Annnnnd Martin’s plan is back on. He’s lied his way back into Malcolm’s tentative good graces and the manipulation is still in full force. 
18:18 - The parallel that Martin is going on a stakeout with Malcolm right now and the fact that Gil used to take Malcolm on stakeouts as a kid is overwhelming. Do you think Martin knew about those stakeouts? Is this Martin’s way of trying to prove to Malcolm that he’s a better father than Gil?
18:33 - I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. Capshaw is crazy and I don’t like her alone with my queen Jessica. #stressed
18:37 - “Believe me, I understand.” Ugh. Someone (preferably Gil) hug Jessica. This woman has been repressing her emotions for too long. :( 
18:56 - Ooooooooohhhhhh Capshaw just made the biggest mistake of her life. This woman is actively trying to convince the world that Malcolm is just like Martin Whitly and then she said as much to his mother’s FACE. I’m here for the lady fight. Say what you want, but vicious girl fights are so much more entertaining than dudes who just hit each other. 
19:29 - Bitch. Jessica regularly mixes pills with alcohol. Research your victim, moron. This isn’t going to work. 
19:56 - “You. Always you.” .....isn’t that what Malcolm said to Eve? Ew. ALSO the way Martin dismisses Malcolm’s admittance is very upsetting. If he wanted to prove that he’s a good father he should really pretend to care. At least a little. 
20:25 - As far as Martin is concerned, this is a victory. His son trusts him enough to let him out of the car - unsupervised. Martin’s plan is working (as far as Martin knows anyways. Malcolm is still definitely conflicted).
20:43 - I love that Malcolm keeps calling for “Martin”. Not “Dad”. Not “Dr. Whitly” (that would be bad on account of the manhunt). Just “Martin”. This goes back to Malcolm not knowing who “Martin” is to him He’s still trying to figure it out. Hell, he only resorts to calling him “Clare” when he thinks it’s the only way Martin will get back in the truck. 
21:15 - “What the hell is he doing?” EXCELLENT question. Seriously - did this moron not recognize the Surgeon and his son? There’s a literal manhunt for these two right now. It’s all over the news. It was playing on the precinct TV only a few hours ago. WHY DID CRUTCHFIELD NOT CALL ANYONE ABOUT THEIR IDENTITIES?!? Isn’t it protocol to call the NYPD about this or a hotline? I’m sure it said as much on the wanted flyers and the news.
22:05 - I’m honestly so stressed that Jessica is tipsy and drugged right now. 
22:35 - “Back then I wasn’t a good judge of character. Now I can sniff them out a mile away.” UGH. This honestly gives me PTSD. My mom says the same thing. She married an abusive man and now she claims she’s self-aware and is an excellent judge of character (spoiler alert: she’s not). My mom is about as good at it as Jessica. I mean, anyone remember Endicott? Or Eve? 
23:06 - “What was that Jessie?” OMG. I hate Capshaw more with each passing moment. 
23:16. - GIL. OH THANK GOD. JESSICA IS GOING TO BE OKAY. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY. JESSICA DIDN’T GO LONE RANGER ON THIS. 
23:34 - Is that a picture of baby Malcolm on the mantle? <3 So cute. <3
24:10 - This bitch is going to jail for a looooonnnng time. Gil Arroyo and Jessica Whitly just heard her admit to torturing their son. She’s going to suffer. I’m happy about it.
24:28 - “Daddy. Daddy.” My heart is breaking. This is a real insecurity that Jessica has about Malcolm. She feels like she’s not enough for Malcolm. That’s why he keeps visiting Martin. That’s why Malcolm was so attached to Gil and Jackie as a kid (and now). Jessica feels inadequate as a mother. That probably contributes to how she emotionally neglects Ainsley. She’s afraid of trying and failing to be enough for both of her children. So she denies herself the possibility of failure by throwing the match. 
25:07 - Jessica and Malcolm studying Krav Maga together. Headcannon accepted. My heart swells at the thought. 
26:12 - Anyone else think it’s interesting that the picture of baby Ainsley was smashed over Jessica’s head. It just feels too convenient. It has to be some sort of hidden message. Does it mean that Ainsley’s the one who is going to destroy the family? Does it mean Ainsley’s working with Capshaw (or Martin)? It has to mean something. Right?!?
26:34 - “I meant for her sake.” I love Gil. He’s not threatened by the fact that Jessica is a badass. Hell, he thinks it hot. Weak men are intimidated by strong women. Gil’s a keeper. 
26:46 - WHUMP. <3
27:15 - This wasn’t part of Martin’s plan but I do genuinely think Martin’s not nearly as scared as he’s acting. 
27:38 - Why doesn’t JT introduce Ainsley? Because she’s not law enforcement and she’s not technically supposed to be there?
27:56 - Damn. Ainsley is desperate for attention from anyone. I bet you that’s why she became a reporter. People have to listen to you when your face is on their TV reporting the news. 
29:41 - JT is triggered. :( This is PTSD. The last time a gun was pointed at him it was extremely traumatic “I’m a father. I’m a good man and I am not a threat to you.” :( Someone hug him. 
29:57 - “But she is.” <3 DAMN. Badass!Dani for the win. <3 
30:34 - “Predatory psychopath married an emotionally compromised enabler.” Is this a comment on Jessica and Martin’s marriage? Jessica didn’t consciously enable Martin but her rich lifestyle and the things she was willing to overlook to maintain appearances definitely gave Martin more leeway than he should have had. 
30:48 - “You haven’t been in my league for decades.” Yep. Now Martin wants to kill Don. He didn’t need Malcolm to beg him to hurt Don. Martin was already chomping at the bit. 
32:00 - “NO.” Malcolm’s not his father. Even now he doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. He tries to protect everyone from physical harm. Even serial killers. That’s a good man. 
32:30 - I hated this speech from Ainsley. It felt....artificial? I just can’t see Ainsley actually believing that her Mother is light, kind, and good when she clearly resents her Mother for paying so much attention to Malcolm and neglecting her. This whole speech just felt really out of character to me. It felt like Ainsley was pulling a Malcolm - saying whatever she needed to get the suspect to confess to the truth. 
33:43 - “I can’t. Not anymore.” Bullshit. Martin clearly wants to hurt this guy. He just refuses to do it until Malcolm begs. Also, it feels like the show is trying to suggest that this is Malcolm giving into the ‘darkness’ that Ainsley was referring to. I disagree. This is typical Malcolm - consumed by the need to save a victim and solve the case. This is the guy who chopped off a guy’s hand to save his life, the guy who tried to infiltrate a cult to save Andi, the guy who tried climbed out of an elevator shaft to arrest a serial killer. Malcolm just doesn’t care about himself and his mental health isn’t doing so great. That doesn’t mean he’s becoming a killer. He’s not ‘going dark’.
34:40 - “Please. I’m asking as your son.” This wrecked me. 1) Malcolm looks so utterly destroyed here. Anguish is all over his face. You can see him grasping at straws because he’s so desperate to save Jeannie. He’s willing to compromise the idea that his Dad may have changed. Malcolm knows Martin hasn’t changed but asking him to do this will make it real and kill Malcolm’s desperate fantasy of a bio-dad who loves him. 2) Martin is a piece of shit. You can see how utterly delighted he is when Malcolm begs and refers to himself as Martin’s son. Martin views Malcolm as a possession and it delights him to hear Malcolm confirm that possession (”I’m asking as you son.”)
35:00 - Okay. His hand isn’t shaking but look at him. You can’t tell me he’s enjoying this. He looks terrified, guilty, nauseous and I don’t think it’s because he’s suddenly realizing that he and Martin are the same. I think it’s because he just compromised his moral code to save a total stranger. He somehow found it in himself to favour a Jeannie over Don. Yes - Don is a serial killer. Yes - Jeannie is his victim. So, yeah - picking Jeannie over Don is logical but does that make it right? That’s what Malcolm is struggling with. That AND the fact that he just asked his Dad to hurt someone - the screaming is probably bringing back suppressed childhood PTSD from that camping trip in the woods. 
35:13 - Another crazy theory for why Malcolm’s hand isn’t shaking. Have you ever been so so so scared/stressed/anxious that you felt nothing? Seriously - it’s like your brain just shuts down everything but life support and your body goes on autopilot. I honestly think that could be happening to Malcolm as a way to cope with the stress. 
35:20 - This is Martin pretending to be tormented and I HATE HIM FOR IT. He’s playing with our broken boy and I despise him for it. Hasn’t Malcolm suffered enough?!?!
36:04 - Something tells me that Don’s testimony will be vital to clearing Malcolm’s name next season (yes, I’m in complete denial that this show is cancelled). 
37:03 - This hurts. Martin is comforting Jeannie and it’s bringing back childhood memories for Malcolm. Memories of a Dad who used to read him bedtime stories and tuck him into bed at night. Memories that are tainted with the knowledge that Martin is a serial killer. Look at how sad Malcolm is. He’s fully accepting that Martin hasn’t changed and that he never will. He’s letting go of the desperate hope that Martin might love him the way he remembers as a child. He’s remembering that the love he experienced as a child was all a hoax on Martin’s part to begin with. 
37:07 - WHEN DID MALCOLM GET A PHONE??!?! WTF. 
37:14 - “The bad man is gone now.” Except he’s not. He’s always been here. He didn’t change. He just tried to be cleverer than his son. It failed. 
37:52 - Do you know what would have made this scene even more powerful? A flashback to the phone call baby Malcolm made to 911 in 1998. 
38:08 - NOW Martin is Dr.Whitly because Malcolm has fully accepted that Martin = The Surgeon = Dr. Whitly. They’re all the same and they all suck.
38:33 - “Maybe I need to work on that.” <3 <3 Yes, get sober sweetheart. Your dependance on alcohol and pills is not healthy. 
38:45 - This Gillica moment will live forever in my heart. I swear I’ve never shipped to people so hard while fully wanting them to be my parents. 
38:51 - OMG. Of fucking course it’s Edrisa. <3 hahahahaha
39:29 - The fact that Malcolm gave Jeannie his jacket is so cute to me. Just more proof that Malcolm’s a good guy. 
39:57 - Looks like the Claremont cardio program is lacking. (I’m so mean).
40:08 - I love this whole exchange between Martin and Malcolm. 1) I fully believe that Martin is genuinely upset that Malcolm turned him in (the dude doesn’t want to go back to prison - fair enough). 2) Malcolm just looks so broken as he listens to his father rant. You can see how bad Malcolm feels for turning his own father over to the cops. Again. The guilt is consuming Malcolm. Very bad for his flimsy mental health. 
40:22 - “You made me become him again.” Okay. Stay in your lane Martin. Let’s not victim blame here. You’re a monster. You’ve been manipulating Malcolm all day and you’re still at it. You wanted to hurt Don but you want to hurt Malcolm more. 
41:11 - “This world isn’t for you.” My heart is shattering. You can hear the pain in Malcolm’s voice. This isn’t a conversation anyone should have to have with a parents. Especially not when you’re already wracked with guilt and mental health issues that you’re not coping with.
41:20 - “Dad. Listen to me. I’m trying to save you.” THIS. THIS is the show. For two years we’ve watched Malcolm try to empathize and understand killers because he’s desperate to save his father and alleviate his guilt for turning Martin in. 
42:00 - “I was a good father. But you, you were never a good son.” ...............this is bad. Shit. This. Is. Bad. This is going to torment Malcolm for the rest of his life. He is going to constantly question “should I have been nicer to Ainsley? Should I have been more obedient? Should I have shown more of an interest in medicine? Would that have stopped that from killing? Did he kill because I wasn’t a good enough son?” Logically Malcolm will know none of that is true but it won’t matter because pain isn’t always logical. 
42:26 - 1) Damn. This family is stabby. 2) holy shit holy shit holy shit. 3) I’m shook. I fully expected it but I’m still shook. It was self defence but that won’t matter. Sure, there’s a 90% chance that Malcolm won’t suffer legally for this but there’s a 100% chance this is going to ruin Malcolm’s life. The guilt is going to swallow him whole. His mental health is going. to reach an all time low. The media will crucify him. No one will look at him the same. He won’t be able to go anywhere without people making assumptions about him. He’s going to be transported back to 1998 - this time with more trauma. It’s not going to be good (and I’m ecstatic at the thought of it because I’m an emotional whump whore). 
42:40 - His hand’s not shaking. I honestly think it’s because he’s in shock because Malcolm still looks like hell. He’s dissociating. If this triggers a mute!Malcolm episode I’m going to be the most excited person in the world. 
42:46 - “I was right. We’re the same.” This was Martin’s master plan. He knew once he escaped Claremont there was no going back. He didn’t want to go back to prison so he found a way to get himself killed (I’m assuming this kills Martin because that’s a lot of blood). No only did he plan to either 1) be on the run forever or 2) die trying  - he made sure that he could torment Malcolm as much as possible along the way. This sentence is going to destroy Malcolm. That sentence has been his greatest fear for 23 years. Now he thinks it’s true. It doesn’t matter that he stabbed out of self-defence. Fear isn’t logical. This is a big problem. 
43:12 - “Bright? What did you do?!?” ..................It’s been 3 days and I still can’t handle this sentence. You can see the shock on Dani’s face and the fear in Malcolm’s eyes. He looks like a cornered animal. He thinks she’s going to arrest him - he knows she has to. He thinks he just ruined his chances at a happy ending with Dani. He’s realizing all at once just how bad his life is about to get. AND DANI - she doesn’t believe he’s a killer but that doesn’t mean she’s not scared for him. The dude looks like he’s in the middle of a mental breakdown plus the legal issues - it’s not going to be a good day. 
I CAN’T BELIEVE THE SEASON ENDED LIKE THIS. I HATE IT. I LOVE IT. I’M CONFLICTED. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS. I WANT CLOSURE AND THIS JUST GAVE ME MORE QUESTIONS. UGH. THANK GOD FOR AO3. 
I sincerely hope another network picks us up for a third season - I’ll be back if they do. If not - thanks for hanging out with me. I’ve had fun and this show will always have home in my heart. 
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