#get a different job or go back to school or try a new hobby . i know im just grieving but jesus christ does it ever get easier

[heartshapedbi]

-

[shubblelive]

— NOT MUCH LONGER

summary : wilbur has always been dedicated to his viewers, sometimes too much. his fans are aware of this, you are aware of this, and he is aware of this. so when you go multiple days without seeing your boyfriend because of how hard he's working you take matters into your own hands, not realising that thousands of people are there watching you do it.

genre : fluff

warnings : mentions of eating/food, a few swearwords, wilbur not taking care of himself, very small panicky moment

pairing : cc!wilbur soot x fem!reader

pronouns : she/her, reader is called wilbur's girlfriend/wife

featuring : cc!wilbur soot

requested : Could you do a fic where the reader isn’t a very public person (in regards to the internet) and one day, wilbur’s streaming and she goes in and brings him some food and kisses him, not knowing he was live, and when she notices, she just gets all red and embarrassed and wilbur goes out of frame with her and its just all fluffy, and the chat goes craaazy

word count : 1.3K

note : hi lmao. i know, i know it's been nearly 2 months since i 've posted anything. school really caught p to me, i was so stressed out i was crying like multiple times a day for a few weeks. i wanna thank you guys for your patience, i have one more week of classes before spring break and then exams are right after that so i am really unsure of how much free time i'm gonna have until like mid-november.

There was a lot of things that you loved about Wilbur. Of course there was, the two of you had been together since university, nearing on 5 years. Knowing for someone that long, though, and there were obviously aspects of your boyfriend that you were less than fond of. There weren’t a lot, but the main one was the fact that he was a major workaholic. 

You were completely understanding of how important his job was to him. He had been doing it longer than you’d even known each other and you’d never want to do anything to make it seem like you were anything less than supportive. 

But the last couple of weeks had been driving you crazy. 

He’d be out all day filming for twenty different videos or in the studio - that was fine, you had your own work and hobbies to keep you occupied. But then he’d get home and it was straight to editing, or writing, or meetings for merch, album art, new videos. It had gotten to the point where you hadn’t even seen him in two days. You knew he’d been home, you vaguely heard the shower running while you were asleep, so tired you couldn’t bring yourself to lift your head. Clothes had been added to the laundry hamper, and water glasses had been added to the sink. He’d messaged you, of course. You were high on his list of priorities, it being a no-brainer that whenever he got a free minute he was texting you to let you know where he was going, promising that he’d be home soon.

When you got home from work, you were pleasantly surprised to find his docs at the front door, neatly kicked to the side so they were out of the way along with the rest of your collective pile. You put your stuff down and practically floated around the house, searching for your boyfriend. Not in the kitchen, though the dishes had been done for you, left to dry. Not in the living room, though there was a coat draped over the back of the couch that you picked up and deposited in the bedroom (also empty, but his side of the bed was rumpled like he’d fallen straight on top of the blankets). 

You were walking down the hallway when you finally heard him. He was talking softly, not outside of the norm for him. His office wasn’t soundproof, and you often heard him through the walls as you went about your day, whether that was laughing loudly as he streamed, or the muffled sound of him strumming his guitar, trying to write a new song. He was being quiet, probably editing a video. You knew he had his own room in the group office, just for him to edit, but he liked to bring them home sometimes. 

You went back into the kitchen to dry the dishes for Wilbur and you noted that there weren’t any new plates added to the pile. You knew that Wilbur had eaten while he was gone, he’d texted you every time they ordered food, but you also knew that it had been a couple of days since his last home cooked meal. You, admittedly didn’t have much in the pantry, but it was made with love, which was the thought that counts. 

That was the thought on the tip of your tongue as you knocked gently on the door, a plate of mac and cheese and a glass of water in hand, smile breaking out at the sight of your boyfriend at his desk. 

Wilbur’s viewers had always been aware that he had a girlfriend. He mentioned you for the first time after you guys had been together for a year, and since then you were a sporadic presence in his online life, maybe a mention every couple of weeks or months. They didn’t know anything else though, not even your name. His viewers, over the past couple of years had developed their own nicknames for you. It started from one of the first streams you were mentioned in, someone in chat asked if you were Wilbur’s wife. He’d laughed, said no, and then tried to say you were not his wife, and instead pronounced it “wiff.” It got slightly out of hand over the years, with most people lovingly referring to you online as wiffleball. Wilbur had apologised profusely for the slip up, but you found it too funny to actually care. It was definitely weird for you to see, though, the phrase ‘Wiffleball’ randomly trending every couple of months. 

So, they didn’t know your name, and they definitely didn’t know your face. Wilbur was usually on high alert for even your footsteps outside the door, let alone you wanting to come inside. He’d yell that he was live, and you’d wait dutifully at the door for him to come outside. It was more for your sake than his, but he cared just as much about your right to privacy as you did. But today, he was so preoccupied with the fact that he hadn’t seen you in nearly three days that he completely forgot to. 

The monitor with his own face in it was tilted away from the door, and you were so entranced by the smile on his face that you didn’t notice until it was too late. He was standing to meet you, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “Hi, lovely, I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you too, Wil,” Your hands were on his arms the second you placed the food down, and you were right about to kiss him properly when you saw a fast movement out the corner of your eye. His chat was whizzing by so fast that you almost couldn’t read it. You backed out of frame immediately, almost out of instinct, wide eyes meeting Wilbur’s. “You’re streaming?”

“Fuck,” Wilbur made sure that you were definitely out of the frame before putting his stream back on the loading screen and going back to check on you.

Your breathing was much faster than usual and he could all but see your heart jumping out of your chest. “I am so sorry, darling, I was too busy being happy to see you that I completely forgot that I was even streaming. Are you okay?”

Your hands found Wilbur’s shirt, clenching it between your fists and burying your face in the fabric across his chest. His hands were securely on your back as he held you while you calmed your breathing. You weren’t crying no, he could tell you just needed to slow your breaths down and you’d be alright. He was whispering reassurances in your ear and within a few minutes your heart had calmed down. “I’m alright.”

“I’m so sorry,” Wilbur launched immediately into apologies again but your vice grip on his shirt stopped him.

“I’m alright, Wilbur.” You strangely were alright. What you could see on the chat were all nice things, they were all so excited to see you. “Never want to go back on your stream again, but I’m okay with them seeing me.”

“You don’t have to be okay, love, if you’re not. I’ll get the VOD taken down when I’m done and edit you out and say something about not circulating the video, I am so sorry-”

“I’m fine, Wilbur.” You pulled the fabric closer to your chest, the movement effectively silencing him. “Like I said. I am still good not showing up on your streams and stuff, but you can leave the video up. I’m alright with it, I promise.”

He softened at your determined face. “I love you,” he said in place of another apology. “I love you, and I am still sorry that I forgot to tell you. No more until you say so, I promise.”

“Thank you,” you said earnestly, loosening your grip on his shirt. “I’ll let you finish up now, do you think you’ll be a while?”

Wilbur kissed you softly before sitting back in his chair and looking up at you full of love. “Trust me, I definitely won’t be much longer.”

[kayleigh-83]

Hi, could you share which ROS events you use please 😀

I know I'd shared these a couple times before, but I scrolled back a bit and it's definitely changed a lot since the last time, which was August 2022! Back then I had 48 on the list, now it's up to 70.

Putting more info and the full list behind a cut to save your dash!

I just keep all my gameplay notes and stuff on my ipad, easiest for me. I don't use an ROS program or anything so there's no weighting, no major or minor scenarios etc. I just use Siri or random.org to pick a number.

The scenarios are a mix of other people's lists I've found, plus ones I've made up myself. It's pretty nice to my Sims so there aren't any death or divorce ones or anything lol. I've removed some I used to use as my gameplay has evolved, if they no longer fit.

Day out - all eligible Sims go to a community lot

Movie night - invite friends over for a movie and snacks

Picnic - make food and go to a park for a picnic

Family reunion - invite over any known family members

Blind date - call matchmaker for a single Sim

New outfit - your Sim wants a new outfit, go shopping

Games night - no homework for kids, play games all night

Large pet adoption - get a cat or a dog, Roll dice to choose

Small pet adoption - a small caged animal will join the family (including rabbits)

Grouchy - your Sim picks d4 arguments with another

Vacation time - spend a couple nights away at a vacation destination (or more!)

Fitness regime - your Sim wants to work out, get fit and eat healthy

Rebellious - child or teen skips school and doesn’t do homework for 1 to 3 days, sneaks out, bad interactions

Date night - take a Sim couple out on a date

It’s a phase - a child will only wear a costume for 1 to 3 days, teens get a piercing or drastically change appearance

Party time - throw a party!

Friendly neighbour - chat up the next d3 walk bys

Bad influence - influence someone to do something stupid d4 times

Take advantage - influence someone to do you a favor d4 times

Exchange student - host a teenager from a foreign country; receive $5000 from the exchange agency to cover your expenses

Tired of cooking - order delivery at least once a day for 2 to 4 days

Shopaholic - patronize at least 4 different local businesses this round

Stray love - greet and interact with the next stray you see, try to adopt

Old pets, new tricks - teach a pet a new command

Lottery win - roll dice 1 to 10 and multiply by 10,000

Scratch card win - roll dice 1 to 10 and multiply by 1000

Worst fears realized - fulfill 5 fears in a rotation

Barber shop - change your Sim’s hairstyle

Four eyes - your Sim needs to get glasses

Witchy - become a witch for at least two rotations

Redecorate - choose a room or space in the home and give it a facelift

Identity crisis - change aspiration for this round

Reconnect with friends - invite 2-4 friends for an outing

Make Your Move - if single, try to initiate a romantic relationship with a Sim that you have a high relationship/chemistry with

Time to Commit - if you’re in a romantic relationship but uncommitted, take it to the next level (either go steady or engagement/marriage depending)

Scary dare - visit the cemetery at night

Dine out - go out to a restaurant to have a meal

Lead by Example - have your Sim encourage their child in a trait they value

Kitchen Renovations - no dishwasher or stove, just a sink and microwave or toaster oven, while you wait for the new appliances to arrive! (D4 days)

On the prowl - take a single (or romance) Sim out on the town to pick someone up for woohoo (or teen level activities)

Hobby Focus - Spend at least two hours every day doing an activity for your chosen hobby

Brace face - child or teen Sim must get braces for the round

Dye Job - dye hair a different colour for the round

Slumber Party - teen or child invites friends over for a sleepover

Cool Parent - try to befriend d2 of your kid’s friends

Playing Matchmaker - influence a friend to flirt with someone else

ISBI light - pick a Sim and control only them for 3 days

Creature of the Night - become a vampire for the round

Unexpected Tax Bill - lose d20-40% of your family funds to unpaid back taxes

Power outage - d2 days with no power (only make uncooked meals)

Family Heirlooms - inherit d3 family heirlooms from a distant relative; use kaching and purchase items of around $1000 each

Infertility - your Sim is sadly no longer able to have children!

Orphan relation - a close relation has died, leaving their child orphaned! As the closest living relative, you are now the legal guardian. Move in a toddler or child (d2). Receive $5000 from the government for your generosity to help raise the little tyke.

Rocky relationship - couple argues at least 2 times a day in the round

Great aunt/uncle in town - create an elderly Sim to come stay for the round - after they become a townie if desired

Bylaw fine - your Sim put the trash out to the curb too early and have received a bylaw fine - d6 x $100

Start a club! Find up to 3 Sims who share your hobby, and get to know them better. If you can participate in your chosen hobby together, even better!

Money tree! Your Sim finds a mysterious tree in a pot by their front door. The note on it says to use it wisely because it will only be around for a short time? Buy a money tree and keep for one rotation

Resurrect old friendships - call and invite over the friend your Sim has lost touch with the most (lowest relationship score while still being friends)

Customer appreciation day - to thank your loyal customers for their patronage, mark down the prices at your shop for a day and provide treats for your customers

Ambrosia - take a sip from the elixir of life (Roll to choose between adults or elders in the household)

Mate like rabbits - risky woohoo d5 times in the next 48 hours, hope there aren’t any unintended consequences!

Unexpected vet bill! Your little companion swallowed something they shouldn’t have and the bill comes to $5000! If you don’t have enough money, you might have to take out a loan.

Woohoo scavenger hunt - must woohoo on/in four different possible locations this round (bed, couch, car, photobooth, hot tub, changing booth, elevator)

Lost a dare - walk around in a silly costume for d3 days, go on at least one date or outing in it

Holding a Torch - your Sim is feeling nostalgic for their first crush; have them meet up for a date and see where it leads…

Running with the pack - become a werewolf for the round

I Want More! - your Sim now has six want slots

Changing Preferences - change all your turn ons and turn offs - will this affect how you feel about your significant other?

A Sudden Craving - change to grilled cheese aspiration for the round

Kibble of Life - give your four legged friends something to help keep them around longer

Sudden Poverty - family funds reduced to $100

Sudden Weath - family funds increased to $250,000

You Can't Always Get What You Want - try not to fulfill any wants for d5 days

[bigtreefest]

Chapter 2: Cooks in the Kitchen

From: The Rainmaker Series

Pairing: Mob! Steve x Forensic Scientist! Reader

Summary: Everyone hates a backseat driver. And a surprise guest when you’re not at your best.

Word count: 3,234

Content/warnings: TW: dead body and all you would expect in forensic science, I tried to make this not graphic, mentions of bruising, mentions of torture and abuse, sassy and borderline mean reader, awkward Steve who overthinks, reluctant? flirting, allusions to and mentions of murder

Author’s Note: For my dearly beloved @krirebr please know that you’re loved and appreciated by us all. I hope this helps, just a little bit. (Extra angsty, hopefully to your tastes)😘

What I’m gonna say is Decks seems very on edge compared to how she was before. Her guard came up out of ‘nowhere?’ Hm, that’s weird… or is it?

Anyway, these are Loupe glasses, if you’re wondering. They let you see tiny things up close and at a better angle.

Comments, reblogs, asks, and any feedback is so welcome and appreciated. Thank you for reading!

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

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After your weekend at the farm, Steve drove you home to return to your normal life. As much as you loved being out in the country, city life was definitely more your speed. You immediately went back to work and were happy to keep your busy routine going. Sure, a weekend away from screens and solvents was a breath of fresh air, but this was where you thrived.

Despite the way there were new, more outlandish cases to deal with, the days were surprisingly routine. Come in, visit a crime scene, run some tests, go home, do it again. You lived for that sort of zen. The detachment of simply putting your head down and getting to work was what you were used to, and then once you were home, it was like a sanctuary. You could lounge, pick up another hobby out of the thousand you’d already started, and crawl into your fresh sheets.

It’s not like you were entirely a hermit, though. You got along with your coworkers and would commonly joke around with them, but first and foremost, you were a proper worker, doing your job. When something really needed done, you’d lock down in the lab, music blasting, and crank out results.

Steve was the same way. He tried to keep his days as routine as possible, despite the way work brought something new everyday. Rival gangs needed monitored and law people needed bribed. Shipments and production needed to be kept on a tight schedule and up to pace with increasing demand.

There wasn’t much time for it, but he’d found certain images and memories start to take hold in his mind. They were different from the grade school ones of Bucky, or his times learning the ropes of his trade, or the first suit he’d ever worn. They were new, they were…warm? Lacked that same rigidity? They were of you. Driving his car effortlessly, petting a baby goat as it bleated happily, teaching him to dance…small, little moments that he couldn’t let go of, but he didn’t have time to replay enough.

He did his best to stay proper in his business dealings. Steve was known for his gentlemanly demeanor, truly a golden boy of the underground, or…at least as much of one as an individual could be given the legality loopholes he was constantly trying to jump through.

On the outside, he was smooth as a beach. Fluid with the crashes of waves this industry threw at him. He’d gotten good at rolling with the punches without a single blond hair out of place. But inside? It was a hurricane. The wind raged and echoed in his ears, putting him on edge. It was sensory overload.

Everyday, he found his attention wanting to wander more and more to that simpler time, not romanticizing it for the lack of pressing responsibility, but for the fact he spent genuine moments with someone who was unlike those in his world. Unlike the men so obsessed with maintaining their place on top or squashing others to get there. They were all about the money, but you were working for the people, and for the betterment of the city. To solve cases and give peace to families. And Steve knew he was all too often on the other side of that, even if he prided himself on only taking out the worst of the worst. The ones who deserved it. They were the ones endangering women and children, who to him, were the distastefully vulnerable and undeserving of wrath, despite the fates they were met with from the awful men Steve rid the world of. He wasn’t breaking his set of morals and rules, he was just breaking the law sometimes. Steve was a good man, he just happened to make his living doing bad things.

He didn’t have time to reflect on that right now, though. Things had seriously picked up in recent weeks. Bucky was soon to return, but it didn’t help that Steve felt like Lloyd was unrelentingly on their asses. Leading the organization when it came to the normal stuff was fine, but the extra protections Bucky was making him run, along with the extensive research and monitoring was already taking its toll. Steve was used to a lack of sleep, he basically lived on adrenaline and black coffee, but another night where he was fielding calls and sending out directives without a wink was causing his emotional guard to fall.

It was early morning as Steve sat at his desk. He’d ordered Sam to head out hours ago, but as the sun was cresting over the horizon, not even that searing glow could keep Steve’s tired mind at bay. The levees against the flood were weakened beyond belief. The hurricane was about to make landfall.

Just then, the phone rang. It was one of his contacts down at the police station. That wasn’t new, but the specific news was and Steve wanted to be there in person to get every bit of information he could... and perhaps catch a glimpse at the one person who could scratch that new itch in his brain. Maybe, finally, at least he could catch a nap in the car, as Steve called Gio to drive him over.

Over the couple weeks you’ve been back, you couldn’t help the way your mind wandered constantly, either. Even your favorite playlist couldn’t keep you on track, so you opted for silence, the scenes replaying of your time on the farm doing plenty to help you block out your surroundings.

You were working on a particularly difficult case currently. There was no time for distractions. The overcast sky just added to the ambiance of the feeling that something unusual was looming over you. You pulled yourself out of your thoughts, along with the keys from the ignition, and took a deep breath, letting it out sharply to get yourself ready. When you’d gotten out of the SUV and to the crime scene, Detective Lang greeted you.

“So I’ve got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?”

He guided you along the River walk and down the rocky shore where a victim laid, waves still lapping over her feet as photographers and cops gathered around the scene, surveying it for evidence. A small crowd had gathered along the pathway, held back by barricades and uniformed officers. At least you were here before the news crews.

“Bad news first, always. You know that.” You spoke with a purpose, slipping on your gloves after pushing up the sleeves of your department-issued windbreaker and cuffing your pants so they wouldn’t get wet.

“So far, looks like it was blunt force trauma with a side of torture. Very little evidence to go off of, especially considering there are no open wounds and the tools used for this kinda thing could be in any household.”

You crouched down by the body and immediately took note of the bruising. You hummed in acknowledgement and looked back up at the detective, his head framed by the cloudy, gray sky, the rising sun now hidden. Fitting for a tragedy like this. A woman your age subjected to that sort of an ending…

“And the good news?”

He sighed, looking up at the sky, hands on his hips, before he dropped his head back down towards you.

He winced. “Body’s fresh? Disposal doesn’t appear very well thought-out.”

You nodded and looked around for any piece of evidence that hadn’t washed away. He was right, it was gonna be difficult to pull many testable elements.

“Well, I’ll do the usual work-up, then, and let you know when you’re good to get everything over to the medical examiner.”

He curtly nodded and turned on his heel to speak with the witnesses before you began to pull out your kit, swabbing for anything of note.

After you finished collecting everything you could, you carefully slipped back through the background and away from the slew of reporters now blanketing the scene. Ugh, you hated those block heads. Especially Lucas Bell, the weird little ray of sunshine you went to school with growing up. For some reason, he thought the two of you were actually friends, despite never having even given him the signal you appreciated his presence. The worst part: you could tell he wasn’t hitting on you. He would genuinely seek you out at crime scenes, that gross happy smile on his face, calling you by the birth name almost no one used anymore in favor of your college nickname. Every time, it was, “hey, remember me, old pal? Great to see you! Any information you’re willing to share?” Who the hell was so chipper when their job was literally to report tragedies?

You bobbled your head as you mocked him to yourself and got back into your work SUV. Ugh, you hated that guy. And all the other reporters. You didn’t wanna be on camera. What if you wanted to work for the FBI one day? Huh? What then? Can’t have your face out there all willy nilly and then expect to be doing covert ops. Nope. You prepared to race back to the precinct, ready to drown yourself in an afternoon of attempting to suck evidence out of a cotton swab caked in river grime and essentially, air, if you could count that as evidence.

You drove back through the pouring rain. Another thing to be annoyed by. First, the longing for your simple weekend once again, then the intrusive thoughts about annoying little reporters, and now, the near-flooding on the roads. You could hear her in your head now, Bee saying “rain makes corn. It’s a good thing.” You rolled your eyes, to be honest, you liked the rainy atmosphere, but you know what rain also makes? Bad drivers. At this point, it was just best to get back to the lab, buckle down, and stay there, where no one could possibly bother you.

You were hours in to your intensive testing. Your spectrometry readings gave the smallest peaks, hard to say if the readings actually were something or just background noise. You were happy to put in the time, but something just felt…off. It was infuriating and not helping your mood, but you tried your best to keep it separated from work. It wasn’t perfect, but it was your best. Another small thing going wrong could push you over the edge, though.

You opted to just look at a small fabric sample, deciphering if there truly was some thread of note caught in the weave. You just needed to concentrate and you knew you could find something. You were purely focused and zoomed in, using your Loupe glasses, paired with several lamps overhead, with the highest hopes of even a shred of confirma-

“Decks? More like Specks.”

The sudden voice that echoed through the lab startled you, causing your head to shoot up and bump against one of the metal lamps.

“Ow!” At that same time, the forceps and piece of fabric flew out of your hands and onto the floor. It didn’t help that you knocked into your instrument tray on the way, sending all those onto the floor, as well.

Great, now you had to go to the stock room to find a new package of sterile ones. This was the last set left in the lab. You looked up from where you watched the evidence fall, rubbing your forehead with the back of your gloved hand, eyes narrow at the business man in a suit who was previously leaned against your doorway, now tentatively walking towards you to crouch on the ground.

“Steve, what the hell?” You trailed off for a second. “You and Bee really do have the same sense of humor. I thought she just told me that as a selling point.” It came out as an irritated growl. You rolled your eyes as you squatted down to start cleaning your mess.

Steve laughed. Selling point? Bee talked to you about him? And tried to make him appealing? He wasn’t sure why, but he felt a certain warmth in his stomach at that. He pushed it down as much as he could. Either way, he truly did get along well with her.

“Well you know what they say, birds of a feather and all.” He joined you near the floor after having grabbed a glove, picking up some stray instruments and placing them back in the metal holding tray.

You muttered lowly as you finally stood up and turned away from him, after grabbing the fabric off the floor gingerly and placing it in a plastic protective case. “More like wasps of a stinger.”

Steve disposed of his gloves and looked over the results on your computer. You quickly hit the keys to lock the screen, sure to cast him a nasty glare. The last thing you needed was to get accused of leaking evidence.

What was he doing here, anyway? With those broad shoulders and that skinny waist. What did he even need shoulders that big for? How did he even shop for clothes? You swear his waist was literally the same circumference as your thigh. They don’t carry stuff like that in department stores.

Steve looked at you with a confused glance as you removed your gloves and washed your hands. There was a hint of humor in his voice, but it was mostly filled with caution at your attitude.

“Um, I don’t really shop for clothes? I’ve got a tailor. He’s pretty good.”

After your hands were dry, you facepalmed harder than ever before. You couldn’t believe you said that out loud. Maybe you did need to interact with more people outside of work. You were too comfortable talking to yourself. You took a deep breath before turning around and looking at Steve again. His face now mostly held tentative kindness, and that was a nice change to the anger that was sitting in your belly all day today. You still couldn’t help what you spat back, though.

“You have a tailor? In this economy? Of course you do…rich prick.” The last part was grumbled under your breath, but Steve still caught it. Where was this hostility coming from? He thought the two of you had gotten along great before. What changed?

Steve’s hurt caused him to fire back, albeit much nicer than you had. “You’re calling me rich? Decks, I’ve seen your apartment, it’s nice. Especially for this city. Way nicer than my first place.”

First off, what was that supposed to mean? You were still suspicious about exactly what Steve and Bucky did for a living. You knew they made a lot of money. Steve wore designer suits, if he could help it, and you assumed Bucky did, as well, but what business did they have being this built?

You let go of that, though, wanting to just get back to work after the disturbance, but why had you been disturbed in the first place?

“Steven, what are you doing in my lab?”

He was taken aback. Woah, full names. He knew your full name, but didn’t dare to find out what would become of him if he used it. It didn’t seem like many did. He wanted to go about this the right way. He didn’t want abuse his delicate position as a friend of a friend when you were so close to the law…yet.

He stood upright and pressed his shoulders back. Right, he was here on business. He had to remember that. It wasn’t a personal call and he had to stay professional.

“I was actually meeting with Scott, er, Detective Lang. He called me about the new case that came in this morning.”

You nodded slowly. “You knew her?”

Why did that make you nervous? Of course Steve knew women, like, duh, but something burning rose in your chest in anticipation of his response. Why did you care? You didn’t even want him here. Right?

He shook his head lightly. “No…well, sort of? She was an employee of one of my businesses. A salon.”

One of his businesses, of course. A salon was…interesting… but you guessed not out of the question with how perfect his stupid perfect hair always was. Whatever, just because he was here for some questioning, doesn’t mean he had to pay you a visit.

“Okay…so why did you come in here?”

You looked up at him from the odds and ends you were shuffling around your work bench out of nervousness.

“I actually wanted to see you, maybe help out a little?”

You eyed him skeptically, ignoring the way your chest sent a tingle down towards your fingertips. “You know when someone offers to keep close to a case like that, it usually means they had something to do with it, right?”

Steve put his hands up in surrender. “I swear this wasn’t me. I just genuinely care for my employees. Did you check under the fingernails? Maybe there was some DNA there or something?”

Your gaze became even more burning towards him. “Yes, Steven. I checked under the nails. That’s like, the first thing you do in cases like this. But why would you know that, anyway? And how can you say you care so much about your employees if you didn’t even know the girl?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. He was usually much smoother than this. How did you intimidate him so much so suddenly. Oh no…Is that where the name ‘Decks’ came from? Were you gonna hit him? Deck him? Did you have a pension for beating guys up? If he made a wrong move, would you literally punch him? Give him a black eye? Sure, much worse had happened to him before, but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to emotionally recover if the damage came from you.

Either way, Steve didn’t want to find out, so he continued quite cautiously and uncomfortable within your domain, lacking the confidence that came so easily to him in all his usual business dealings and the quasi-leadership role he found himself in.

“I um…I watch a lot of CSI shows?” He hoped that was believable, but he knew it came out like a squeak, almost. He may as well be a little kid losing fights in a back alley again. He cleared his throat in an attempt to get his voice back to normal. “I do care for my employees, though. And my reputation, and the ability to make sure nothing like this happens again to anyone involved with me.”

You sighed at that. You can understand the want to prevent future disasters, especially when it came to someone working so low at the bottom of the food chain for such a major company. As you slipped your Loupe glasses back on and readjusted your lamps, you gestured for Steve to take a seat in your computer chair while you moved to a stool by the lab bench.

“Okay, fine. I’ll let you hang around, but don’t tell me how to do my job.”

You couldn’t help the way the corner of your lip turned up, just out of Steve’s sight, as he strutted over and plopped down into the rolly chair, watching you with a smile and his fingers laced behind his head.

Next >

Bonus A/N: I’m very excited for what’s going to grow between Steve and Decks. She’s a lil independent thing and he’s just so “idk what to do bc I’m supposed to be in control but I’m doing everything on her terms” and I love it. Lmk what you think!!!

Series Taglist:

@evie-119

[bitchinbarzal]

Here’s an angst idea

After having Wyatt, Mama B, and Mat decided that it was best if Mama B stepped back from her job so that someone could care for their kids 24/7.

Once Hockey season resumes, the weight of everything started to fall on Mama B a lot. 4 kids, and you’re practically a single mother. You have 2 kids in school with active hobbies, a clingy two-year-old and a newborn.

Her husband? He’s either on a roadie or going home late after celebratory drinks.

Then, they had a big fight one night. Mean things were said but Mama B’s stand is “You get to enjoy your life and career while I have to sacrifice mine. I love the kids but isn’t fair and I fear I’m losing my self of identity.”

After Wyatt was born, you’d decided to take the same six month break you’d taken with all of the other kids but as the time went on you felt like you should stay home and be with the kids.

So, you decided to take a leave of absence from the team indefinitely.

In the beginning, it was all fine. You were soaking up the newborn phase and then the off season came around so you didn’t feel any different.

When the season started back up again, Mat would come home telling you all about his day at the rink and you couldn’t help but become sort of jealous. You wondered what your boys were doing, how were the new guys getting on?

You loved Wyatt, this wasn’t about her. It was about feeling isolated from your friends, work and social life.

You sat at home alone watching stories of the devils on road trips, of your husband out drinking with his friends while you were surrounded by your sleeping kids.

During the day, you felt like you didn’t get a moment to breathe. Ryder had hockey practice almost every single night and Ivy was doing something if it was dancing, piano lessons or something. Along with the fact that the kids were still taking ASL lessons on top of all of that.

On Sunday Mat had an afternoon game and by the time he’d returned home you had already made the kids dinner and cleaned up, everything Mat promised to help with.

He walks in and the house is silent, apart from Wyatt’s gurgling.

When he enters the kids playroom he sees them all, you included having a conversation solely in sign language.

He frowns, not being able to depict the whole sentence only a few words.

“What you guys talking about?”

You all turn to look at him, you bounce wyatt in your arms.

“We’re telling Bailey a bedtime story!” Ivy announces proudly.

“You are?” He asks, walking in and picking Bailey up into his lap.

Bailey begins signing to Mat but his dad only frowns “I-I’m sorry bud I don’t know what you’re saying”

“Mat, he can’t hear you” you grumble “He’s not got his cochlear in”

Before Mat can defend himself, try and sign something to Bailey you take the toddler and mumble something about putting him to bed.

When you come back down, Mat has sent the two older kids to the playroom to watch a movie while Wyatt sleeps soundly in her bassinet by the couch.

You begin pottering around, cleaning the kids mess when Mat speaks “What did you get up to today?”

You don’t look up when you say “Same shit, different day”

He chuckles softly “they can be a little much huh?”

You scowl “and how would you know?”

Mat looks taken a back at your tone “what?”

“How would you know, Mat? How would you know what our kids are like; it’s not like you’re ever around”

You drop the rag in your hand and stare at him wildly “Well?”

He stutters “What is wrong with you?”

You let out a loud and tired sigh “What is wrong with me, Mathew is that I am tired! I’m so tired, I’ve never stopped all day since the day we brought Wyatt home and now you’re telling me you know what our kids are like as if you’re ever around!”

“I’m around-“ you laugh at that, laughing so hard you need to hold your stomach.

Mat stands there, looking like Bailey does when he’s in trouble until you stop “Oh sorry, that was a funny joke”

“It wasn’t a joke”

You point “no, you see it was a huge joke just like you Mat”

“You’re being so rude right now” is all he says and you pout, somewhat mocking him

“You know what’s rude Mat? The fact you can’t even speak to your own son” you shrug “because you’re not home to take the lessons that we agreed we would all take for Bailey!”

“I’m busy at the-“

“At the rink yes I know! I know Mat, because I wish I was at the rink, I wish I was with my team, I wish I was still at work!” You cried, angry tears lining your eyes.

He gapes “You’re mad I’m doing my job?”

“No!” You almost scream “I am not mad at you for doing your job, I’m mad at you because you stopped me from doing mine!”

“The NHL was my childhood dream y/n!”

You sob “It was mine too, Mat”

Both of your chests are rising with rapids breaths “I-I love you, Mathew and I love our kids. We have four beautiful babies here with us, but I cannot keep playing a backup role in the Mat show. I won’t do it”

Mat stands up straighter “The Mat show” he mocks “Like I haven’t always done the things you wanted, we moved house because you needed to work in jersey instead of New York, I gave up so much time chasing you while I was a rookie, everything-“

It hurt hearing that, that he felt like winning you over was an inconvenience.

“I never wanted you to chase me mat, and if you’re so resentful of it then maybe we would’ve been better of if you hadn’t tried”

His heart breaks a little, your suggestion that life would be better if you weren’t together definitely stung.

“You get to enjoy your life and career while I have to sacrifice mine, Mathew. I love the kids and I love you but all of this isn’t fair and I fear I’m losing my self of identity”

Mat is rendered speechless, he’s not sure what to say so he asks “Well What do we do now?”

You shrug “I don’t know, I’m going to put the kids to bed”

A little over an hour later you reappear at the kitchen door and he’s sitting with his hands grasping his hair waiting for you. When he hears you his head shoots up to look at you, eyes falling on the bag in your hand.

“Where are You going?”

You shake your head “Not me, you. I think it’s best if you find somewhere else to live for a little while Mat, give us some space”

“You don’t mean that, we can talk about this” he is almost begging and you.

You drop the bag on the floor and sigh “Please Mat, don’t make this harder than it needs to be”

“It should be hard! We need to fight for our marriage y/n”

“No, Mathew we don’t. Text me your training schedule for the next week and we can sort something out with the kids, Wyatt won’t be able to stay over night because she’s breastfeeding but the rest of them are fine”

Mat doesn’t know what to say, he’s at a loss for words this wasn’t angry words you were saying you were calm, collected and thinking this all through.

He was standing right in front of you. His fingers ghosted over your cheeks and he could feel your tears.

“Baby-“

“Please” you whispered “Please just go, I can’t do this”

So he did, and it hurt him so much to go but if that’s what you wanted he would do it. He went into the kids rooms and kissed them all goodnight before he left, residing at an Airbnb that he managed to find on such short notice.

he spent the entire night awake, looking through your Facebook at your wedding photos, you babies pictures all through tears he watched as his family slowly slipped further away from him and he wasn’t sure he could get a grasp on them again.

[bluetortoist]

Showing off another Batman OC. This time, its my own Alice. I know. So original 🙄 but I can't help myself. She's a very accomplished chemist who crossed paths with Mad Hatter and later on became his lover.

(More info of her down below! History kind of dubious, be warned)

Name: Alice (real name: Eleanor Carole)

Nickname: Alias "Dear Alice"

Age: 29

Gender: Cis Female

Identifies: Demisexual

Race: Human

Ethnicity: White

Nationality: American

Birth town: Lansing, Michigan

Current Living: Gotham City

Allegiance: Chaotic Neutral-Lawful Evil

Powers/Abilites:

• Being a chemist, she has experimented and perfected two different formulas to mutate one's body to grow bigger or smaller. They can be ingested as is, or injected/mixed in with various ingredients. She uses this as both a defense (Bigger) and stealth (Smaller) strategy. However, she can't use it too much or else has negative effects on the body.

• She has a few versions of long armed, Horse's Hammer formed in the shape of a pink flamingo, one heavy, the other light; It, no doubt, causes pretty hefty damage.

• Even though she has become more physically strong since working with Tetch, she still only knows basic self defense and fist-fight combat, but has always (and always will), kept a knife on her body since moving to Gotham.

History: Eleanor was born into a family of domestic abuse but doesn't remember too much from that time other than that they were clearly unhappy together. Luckily, she didnt get to experience that environment for long because both her parents died in a car accident when she was 4. She was sent to live in an orphanage until she was 10 and was adopted to a family of doctors and physicians. It was through them she found her interest/obsession with chemistry. Even though they try, Eleanor rarely get to see both her parents at the same time since both had conflicting work schedules at the time, and spent a good chunk of her school years making and losing friends and putting more effort in her hobbies. This was about the time (10-13) her emotional detachment problems for people started to develop. Graduated top of her class with her Chemist degree, no friends, but got a boyfriend in a one-sided relationship. They started living together once they moved to Gotham. Got a job at a chemical reasearch facility that was a branch of Wayne Labs, but wasnt that well liked; was considered a "cold genius" among other coworkers. Decided to go see a therapist to help with herself as well (much to her boyfriends chagrin). Both those took all of her time that it was putting a strain on her relationship with her boyfriend. Somewhere around this time was when she was feeling at her lowest and also when she met Jervis and soon became friends (whom she already knew was the Mad Hatter). She begun seeing him a lot more after venting her personal and emotional troubles to him (quite literally saying that she wishes she was born as someone else) and he suggests his own kind of hypnosis therapy to help bring feelings up to the surface, all while conditioning her into a version of Alice. She consented to this kind of therapy, desperate to feeling anything like any sort of person at this point. (Basically: delusional man teaches girl how to manifest a new persona to actively dissociate 💀). This continues on and eventually (and quickly) start to form a relationship. The boyfriend, already pissed enough, already suspects she is seeing someone else. Confronts her one night about it, says hes kicking her out and almost turns into a fight, but she manages to beat him unconscious in self defense. In a panic, she runs right back to Jervis, and he offers to let her stay. He goes out and kills the boyfriend himself before finding out the boyfriend had made a report on her to the police. She stays in hiding for a couple of weeks afterwards. In that time, she and her Alice persona has become one in the same and doesn't even remember her old name anymore and only small bits of her early life. Alice finally felt like a person, regardless of whether those feelings were in the right place or not. They were at least real and her own now, Jervis/Hatter was real, and she can finally say, without faking, that she loves both of them for it. It wasn't until later on in the future that Hatter and her got involved in a criminal incident that she decided that she would need to protect herself and her precious Hatter (much to his dismay, not wanting her to get involved at all, but was pushed to believing its for the best). She started learning how to use weapons and self defense and creating more of her own chemical formulas inspired by Alice in Wonderland. She eventually started gaining a name for herself as Hatter's lover, right hand, and mad genius chemist, "Dear Alice"

Notes/Quirks:

• She has two snaggletooth upper-canines and a small birthmark on her upper right cheek.

• She used to have a therapist she would go to to help with her apathy and general difficulty with forming attachments with other people, due to some emotional damage back in childhood.

• She used to volunteer to read to children at her local bookstore. It was something for the community that her therapist encouraged her to do to help interact with other people. It was the one thing she missed before going to crime.

• She has never read a lot of classic children's books as a child, including Alice in Wonderland until it was suggested to her for her next book reading. Thus, how she will soon meet Jervis Tetch.

[ningningsdream]

the villain in your story | part fifty five

word count: 2.3k

SUHTURDAY

"good work today everyone! two more hours to go until closing time.", taeyong said after gathering everyone near the cash register.

"since it's the last day of summer break and that most of you are going back to a part time schedule here. taeyong and i decided to treat you all to dinner. so let's all work hard during those two remaining hours, alright?", johnny said, clasping his hands together in anticipation of everyone's reaction.

obviously, you were all ecstatic to hear that after a long and tiring work day. you all started cheering and clapping having suddenly gain more energy from the announcement.

you couldn't believe it was already the end of your summer break. it wasn't your first summer at suhturday, but this one felt different. first of all, suhturday had never had this much employees but since business was flourishing more and more every passing day, taeyong and johnny needed more people working at the coffee shop. there was only so much jimin could do on her own as the only full time employee. even though with you, joining the team a little after jimin, the popularity of the place soon submerged the two of you. some students, like yourself, came to work part time at suhturday but quickly gave up when they realized how much work it really was and how tiring it could get. you really enjoyed the feeling of working there, the atmosphere and your coworkers. taeyong and johnny always let you try out new recipes in their kitchen before you could afford to get your own apartment and equipment.

when jaemin joined, you didn't think much of it at first, sure you knew him from high school and that one group project you did together but you didn't know him that well, you thought he'd quit like the others at some point. you were surprised when instead of leaving, he brought his friend here with him. renjun becoming an employee here was a blessing for everyone. his experience as a barista really helped elevate the way you all worked and organized things. when jeno joined the team, you were really thinking that jaemin's friend group was slowly taking over suhturday and that maybe it was just some kind of nepotism, but like, the friend version of it? needless to say, you were surprised how quickly jeno picked up everything and when you learned about the variety of job he's had in the past, you understood that adapting to his environment was one of his best skills.

your newest addition was minjeong. after hearing jimin and you talk so much about the coffee shop, and with the amount of time she came to visit, minjeong was determined to apply at suhturday. plus, with uni starting again soon, she thought it would be a great way to still be able to see each other even with our busy schedule. she was still adjusting slowly, having started just a week ago, not everyone could be like renjun or jeno. she definitely couldn't be worse than a certain someone but she was definitely better than you when you started. this is a secret but you've also seen mark's, donghyuck's, chenle's and jisung's applications on taeyong's desk when you were looking for a pen and you can't wait for them to start training.

the second thing that was different was that you had a boyfriend now. you've only been officially dating for a few weeks but it really exceeded all your expectations and even beyond. jaemin was really the sweetest and you couldn't ask for better, not that you would even want someone better if there was any. you were still getting to know each other day by day, learning about the other's interests, hobbies and dreams. you loved lying in your bed with him by your side, talking about everything and anything while he played with your hair and you fidgeted with the fingers of his other hand. you loved making out in his room, even though it often resulted in jeno barging in for whatever he wanted to borrow from jaemin and immediately slamming the door shut again as he apologized profusely while walking back to his room. it happened so many times, you even accused jaemin of purposely instigating make out sessions when you came over so jeno would stop coming into his room without knocking, which of course he denied, saying that he just wanted to kiss his pretty girlfriend, and of course, that instigated another make out session because how could you resist him when he said things like that.

this summer break was better than you could've imagine. you made new friends, better ones, and got to know the people you just considered as acquaintances. you got your found family trope and nothing could ruin this perfect moment of realizat-

"does this dinner apply to old employees as well?", a voice from behind all of you caught your attention as you all turned towards the coffee shop's entrance.

your eyebrows raised in surprise as you took a moment to process the audacity of the person standing in front of you.

"what are you doing here, jiwoo?", you asked, arms crossed, looking her up and down. she was wearing an entire baby pink outfit - probably because she knew it was jaemin's favorite color -, an innocent smile on her face as she held what seemed like a gift in her hands.

"since summer break is over. i thought i'd come by to see how everyone is doing and to drop the gift i got jaemin for his birthday.", jiwoo answered softly as if you two were still besties.

you knew jiwoo was very aware of your current relationship with jaemin, and the fact that she still didn't respect you enough to just disappear from your life was unnerving on another level. you could still feel her hope of getting jaemin's attention with her gift and the audacity that she had to show her face in front of you made something snap in you.

"jiwoo...after everything, you still have the balls to show up here? just leave already.", you said, making everyone's eyes widen. jiwoo tried to keep her innocent act up, but you saw the little scrunch her eyebrows did, indicating to you that she didn't appreciate your words at all.

jeno, who was closest to the entrance, caught taeyong's and johnny's eyes then glanced towards the door, or more precisely, the little sign that said 'open'. they both gave him a nod and he quietly went to flip it over to 'closed'. sure, the coffee shop was losing two business hours but it was already late and not a lot of people were going to come anyway. everyone was far more interested in the ongoing confrontation between jiwoo and you. every suhturday employee was pretty much aware of what happened between the two of you, even taeyong and johnny knew the basics of it all, so no one was a big fan of your ex friend, although she was probably too delusional to read the room.

"don't you think that's a little mean, y/n? i thought we were friends...is that how you treat your friends?", jiwoo asked, face contorted in a pained expression, lower lip pouting a little as she tried her best to gain sympathy from others.

as if they'd turn on you.

"mean?", you scoffed, "you want me to be mean?", your gaze darkened as you took a step closer to her, "i'll be the fucking villain."

no one dared to blink, afraid they'd miss something. the air was thick and the tension heavy as everyone's attention was on the two of you.

"you need to grow the fuck up, kim jiwoo. what did you think would happen after you show up here? that we would welcome you with open arms? that you could somehow turn everyone against me? breaking news, no one here can freaking stand you. haven't you noticed or is your head shoved so far up your ass that you think no one could ever hate the all mighty kim jiwoo?", you paused to look at her expression, and to calm yourself a little before continuing, "you're like a baby that needs permanent attention or its gonna die but guess what? you're not the seventeen-years-old high school's sweetheart jiwoo anymore. you're twenty three, act like it.", jiwoo's eyes started to water, as if she was going to break down, but after all those years by her side, you learned to see right through her game, "and you can drop your whole act right now, it's pathetic...like how you're still so hung up on jaemin...my boyfriend. he never liked you, still doesn't and probably never will, so give up already if you still got some pride left. and just so you know, this me, talking, is not because i've 'changed', i just held myself back because we were friends. something you should really learn the meaning of. i would've never done to you what you did to me. never."

you could see that your words got to her. her face didn't change but the look in her eyes...you saw anger and hurt? maybe something got through her thick skull. but it quickly disappeared as anger took over. jiwoo opened her mouth to say something but you interrupted her.

"leave, jiwoo. you've embarrassed yourself enough.", you told her, nodding towards the exit.

jiwoo clenched her teeth as she looked at everyone else. no one said anything to contradict you or support her. her shoulders slumped down and she ran out of the coffee shop, a few tears escaping her eyes as she was ready to call lia to tell her everything that just happened.

the silence that followed jiwoo's departure felt like hours. you were still deep in your thoughts, not believing what just came out of you. you didn't filter anything and you hoped your friends didn't think any differently of you. did they think you were too harsh? merciless? unnecessarily mean? maybe a littl-

"that was so hot!", minjeong exclaimed, breaking the silence.

you turned towards your friend to see her shaking from excitement with eyes brighter than you've ever seen them.

"i think i'm falling in love.", jaemin said, hands over where his heart is, making you punch his shoulder playfully.

"hyuck is gonna be so mad he missed that.", renjun said.

"i'm soooo gonna brag about it.", jeno chuckled, already pulling his phone out and texting the one in question.

"i wish i could watch that again.", jimin sighed.

"i recorded it.", minjeong said, waving her phone up.

"me too.", taeyong said, doing the same thing and the two of them high fived each other.

you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion as to why they would do that.

"what? it's for legal reasons. just in case.", taeyong said but you were pretty sure it was an excuse.

"i want to set that as my alarm in the morning or like my motivation when i work out.", minjeong joked, but somehow it was something you knew she was capable of.

"our y/n grew so much.", johnny patted your head affectionately like an older brother would with his little sister.

"oh my god. stop, you guys are embarrassing me.", you said, hiding your face in your hands. jaemin smiled at you as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders to let you hide in his chest.

"so what now? do we like reopen the shop or...?", jimin asked, even though it was clear in her voice that she was in no mood to deal with the customers coming in five minutes before closing time.

"oh hell nah, we need to celebrate whatever just happened.", johnny exclaimed, making everyone cheer and laugh.

you all grabbed your belongings and started walking out. you went to the bar of one of taeyong and johnny's friend, yuta, you weren't really close with the guy but you remembered his face very well as he was one of the regular at suhturday, staying a little longer sometimes, after getting his coffee, to talk to your two bosses. he greeted you all with a smile before installing you in one of the available booth.

"to y/n getting rid of her fake ass friend.", minjeong said, raising her glass.

"to y/n getting rid of her fake ass friend!!", the whole group shouted, raising their glasses as well, except you, who tried to shush them for shouting something like that so loudly.

"i can't with you guys.", you shook your head, hand on your eyes is desperation but a smile on your lips nonetheless.

"you can't blame us for being so happy! i couldn't wait for her to leave the first day i started working with her.", renjun said, seeming to be the happiest one out of the bunch.

"dude, you were complaining about her so much i was starting to think that you were secretly in love with her or something.", jeno said, earning an offended look from renjun who instantly opened his mouth to defend himself.

you felt a hand grabbing yours under the table and turned to give your full attention to your boyfriend, "how are you feeling?", he asked you.

"i feel drained, but i'm glad i got to empty my bag once and for all."

"you did great.", jaemin smiled, patting your head gently, "come home with me tonight, i'll make you feel all relaxed."

you raised an eyebrow at his wording.

"that sounded dirtier than in my head."

"well, you, come home with me and we can make it even dirtier.", your voice was low so that only your boyfriend could hear your suggestion.

jaemin's smile grew at your reply as he nodded, his pupils dilating at the idea.

the two of you got back into the group's discussion, knowing you'll have all the time you wanted to enjoy each other's company after this. your eyes lingered around the table at every face of the people present, taking in the feeling of happiness that surrounded you.

the realization started hitting you slowly. you've got a great group of friends, a part time job you loved, your studies were going well and you had the best boyfriend. your healing journey was going great and you learned that it was never about being the good guy in everyone's life but accepting the fact that you are bound to be the villain in someone's story.

main masterlist | tviys masterlist

pairing: fem!oc x barista!jaemin, fembarista!reader x barista!jaemin

genre: fluff, angst, suggestive, barista!au, sns au

summary: girls' code prevents you from liking the guy your friend likes right?

a/n: only the epilogue left and tviys will officially end 🥹

taglist: [@glamourizz @rinrinslovebot @beomibeom @moonjobf @hiqhkey @calssunflower @donghyuckster @vianna99 @kookiedesi @baehaechannie @nshimura @thiccfullsun @dear-dreamie @neobowlingshoez @jjaehmins @liliansun @bythe8 @hyuckrec @dearlyminhyung @ohmygs-blog @hoeshi17 @wonupuppy @shan-oldham @jeongintwt @renjunoya @najm00 @sukistrawberry @goldryush @000rpheus @sfthyuka @mxnhoeuwu @dandelionxgal @vanillainverse @niaalove @igotkpoops ]

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[idrellegames]

As an IF author that does this with a "this is my job" mindset I find it hard to do other things in my day to day because whenever I pick up my phone I feel like I am at work and I feel like I constantly think about my story.

Do you have any tips or advice on how to separate myself from my work and stop thinking about it 24/7?

Thank you!

Having a clear division between work and regular life is really important. I think it can be a little harder to do if developing an IF isn't your full-time gig. If you're working a job or are in school and you're packing IF development on top of it, then it can get really tricky to balance.

I also think that if you're working on a large, long-term project, it's a good and normal part of the writing process to think a lot about your story. Not all writing is done when you are actively writing. Daydreaming about your characters and your story lets you work out different kinks and make new discoveries.

So, you have a couple of choices here. You can reframe IF as your hobby, the thing you do in your free time for fun. Take away the pressure of thinking about it like work. You can pick away at it when the mood strikes, write on your own terms, and if you stop having fun with it, it's okay to slam on the breaks and put it aside until you're ready to come back to it.

But if you want to continue treating it as work or if it is already is your job, then you need to set some boundaries for yourself. This is going to be different for everyone; what works for me might not necessarily work for you. But here are a few things you can try:

Set a schedule. Try to contain the times when you are actively working on your project to within certain regular hours. Set different times for different parts of your job. For example, I only do social media management (tumblr inbox and notifications, Patreon, email, itch etc) during the first couple hours of my morning and then the rest of my work day is for writing and/or coding. I don't get through everything, but it's okay. It's really important for online creators not to fall into the trap of feeling like they have to answer everyone immediately, otherwise you will not get anything done.

If you manage social media for your IF, have separate accounts for your personal stuff and work stuff. I have two tumblr accounts, one that manages this sideblog and the other for personal fandom things. Logging out of my work account and into my personal one means that I'm not seeing notifications from this blog and I'm not tracking Wayfarer stuff. It really helps me keep work as work and downtime as downtime.

Separate your work and downtime spaces. Sometimes it's just as simple as working in one room and relaxing in another. This can be a bit tricky if you only have one device that you work from. I have a PC so I can't move it around, so if I'm using it to game later I try to change up my space (by getting a different chair or changing something else about my set up) so I have some kind of physical difference to trick my brain into going from "work mode" to "relax mode". Sometimes I have to get out of my office entirely in order to get that sense of separation, otherwise I feel like I am constantly at work.

If you're on your phone a lot and you don't really use it to make your IF or have alternatives for writing, get rid of the apps that put you in a work headspace. I got rid of the tumblr mobile app a couple years ago and it was probably the best decision in terms of actually keeping me out of work mode.

Take time off. Give yourself a weekend. Pursue other hobbies, play other games, write things other than your IF. IFs take a very long time to make, you can't go at it 24/7 or you will burn out.

[i-like-eyes]

So.. what's the deal with the cartoon network crossover? 👀

I'm glad you sent an ask I was originally going to make a separate post lol

The AU spawned from wanting to do my own take on FusionFall, which then became a fighting game, then the gameplay was reworked into an original idea and the designs of the CN characters were reworked into a comic. Since it started as a fighter that meant I had planned out separate stages for each franchise, as opposed to one uniform setting such as CN City or the popular shared school au. The fighter didn't really have a plot I just came up with the explanation that the kids are all KND (or TeenND) members and were just having a sparing match and the adult characters were somehow targets or smth. Now the current iteration is most the characters are just on the same planet and become involved in some way or another (probably the KND still). The reoccurring theme is just trying to find people like you.

The most clear idea I've had is between PPG and Ben 10; the girls are known around the world and Ben (and Gwen) feeling lonely want to meet other super hero kids their age. Grandpa Max reminds them they are still strangers and that Ben and Gwen have to keep their identities secret, but does some research into the girls and Professor Utonium and recognizes how he still value's their privacy. Max then tries to get in contact with Utonium to see if getting the kids together would even be a good idea. Utonium himself also recognizes the girls have tried to find other super hero kids to hang out with, but both he and Max spend like a year over email trying to see if they can even trust each other lmao. Eventually after the two meet up (and Max knows he can trust them with the alien thing) they agree to set up a playdate and the focus then moves to the kids as they interact.

Ben and Gwen are like uhhhh aged between the original and Alien Force. Kevin is also there but I want to write a different intro for him that involves Gwen more.

The girls I've pictured as this; Blossom handles the fame best of the 3 and also is the best when it comes to the press while Buttercup and Blossom prefer to stand back. While she is good at being the ideal Powerpuff Girl, she has ambitions in the same science as her father and struggles to balance the two. Buttercup still enjoys the art of fighting the most, and goes on the most solo missions, but gets treated unfairly for her more masculine behavior and has to deal with fitting in with neither girls nor boys. Bubbles also has to deal with unfair treatment by being undermined for being the most girlish (there is no winning) but lacks a hobby like the other two (though she has some artistic merit). She may be the loneliest of the three as a result. Although they all still share a good friend in Robin. Bubbles and Buttercup get along better than they did as kids, though Blossom doesn't want them to feel like she's ignoring the two.

For the sake of simplicity the ending of KND and the G:KND storyline with Nigel being shot into space is ignored. The KND as an organization is trying to expand the TND upon seeing the teen's potential for rebellion. They lack a way to regain old KND members back, so they go out trying to recruit teens while they wait for current KND members to just age up. Sector V was selected for TND and go out and try and recruit new members. The ideas I have for them involve the awkward wait between the V members going 12 -> 13 years and transitioning between jobs. My personal hc was that in the show at one point it's Kuki and Wally at 10, Nigel at 11, then Hoagie and Abby at 12, with Kuki being the youngest and Abby the oldest. During and after this transition phase they are sent out on recruitment missions which is where the crossover stuff comes in.

Hoagie is sent to see if either Dexter or Mandark is available. Mandark is a dick but Dexter get points knocked down for getting funding from the adult-run NASA. It turns into another ego battle between Dexter and Mandark while Hoagie has to deal with the two rich kids. Dee Dee is there to fuck with all 3 of them and is the one that gets recruited. Hoagie probably also treats this like a sports movie or smth.

The Time Squad sometime in the future are homeschooling Otto, they try to get him socializing with kids his age during missions but think that he should be spending time with kids from his century. Otto has been researching not just history but what happens after his time as well. He wants to meet heroes when they were his age.

I have A LOT of ideas for the Eds but most of it isn't crossover material. But I like the idea of them just accidentally walking into other shows, Courage or Foster's in particular.

The world in this AU is basically only limited by shows with hugely conflicting lore. That's vague but that mostly means like, the Land of Ooo conflicts with most shows. So to justify AT it's like. An alternate Earth and somehow Finn finds his way to this one and loses his shit over other humans. While he's glad to find kids like him Jake worries that Finn may prefer this world to Ooo and that he may leave. Jake is all ready to come to terms with this and Finn is like dude what we have only been here for 5 hours.

Billy and Mandy are mostly antags like in the KND crossover. I have a super vague idea for Billy somehow giving up Grim to other kids and they keep trading him for like a corn chip, and while other toon guys go on adventures with the reaper, Mandy drags Billy with her to get Grim back. At some point Numbuh 1 meets the Regular Show crew I forgot to draw and his world view is shattered. Gumball and Darwin are there. Etc.

I'd probably prioritize the first PPG and Ben 10 story as the clearest I got rn. But otherwise I'd love to see other people's crossover stuff and just old CN or cartoons in general.

[wheregoodthingsthrive]

Hellsing Headcanon Mass Post

I had been wanting to make one of these for a long while. Compiling a lot of my overly fleshed out ideas for the Hellsing five especially is a fixation for me and a lot of these are 8+ years in the making. This is long and covers Seras, Integra, Pip, and Walter. Alucard isn't in here cause I want the others to get more love lmao. I'll do Iscariot and Alucard eventually. I just want to try this out-- I want to make more Hellsing friends, especially one's willing to build on the lush free real estate we have here :3

Seras Victoria 

Born February 9th 1979* 

I refuse to believe she was 19 and a cop. *I don’t know how old I want her to be exactly but part of me thinks she’s either Integra’s age (22) or younger by a few months. I refuse. 

Her middle name is Marie, which is her mother’s name, 

Speaking of her parents -- her parents, Marie and John-Mark Victoria, were an elementary teacher and a cop (duh) respectively. 

They were a pretty chill middle class family, known in their community pretty well as they were often involved in a lot. 

So the brutal breaking and entering double homicide of the family and the orphaning of Seras was a big deal. It was in the local news. Definitely contributes to Seras having an intense need to NOT stand out. 

Her time at the orphanage is a seriously blocked out time period for her and for good reason -- it was a very emotionally and mentally isolating place. And she was disciplined. A lot. As canon explores, she was very violent, aggressive, and apprehensive of relations. She never truly got the therapy she needed and she surely thought the orphanage’s religious predisposition would not help. 

Protestant turned skeptical agnostic. She never understands religion all that well after her traumatic childhood. 

She went to a private school until her graduation. She had a massive passion in the law and enforcement, leading her to become a cop for emotional reasons she could never really place (traumatic memory blocking lmao) 

Despite being picked on and being seen as a little lesser, Seras really did enjoy her job as a cop and hoped to one day become a sergeant or a head of the office. Her fellow coworkers really wanted to see her succeed… 

In/Beyond Hellsing

The TV show was onto something with having Seras and Integra have quite the strained relationship. Seras just wanted to be liked and definitely understood that she was seen as an ‘invader’ into this strange little found family. 

I don’t have much more on this in terms of Seras’ side because Integra’s side has more potential for nuance. See Integra section. <3 

Overall, Seras has a very skittish relationship with everyone. She does get close to Walter though, as he’s the most merciful with her regarding her development as a Hellsing agent and vampire alike. She gets on the tradition of being up early enough to enjoy morning tea with him. (She can’t drink it but it helps her feel normal)

Her vampiric arm CAN formulate into a normal, fleshy arm but she prefers it not to as it reminds her of her strength. She can equally dissipate a lot of her body, mainly her eyes and back alongside her arm, but she can’t go full shadow like Alucard can on a whim. 

Vampires of different classes have different arrays of abilities. Seras learns a lot of hers is illusionary and omnipresence. Shadow work, shape shifting, illusions, and expert third-eye vision are her specialties. 

Miscellaneous 

Her favorite drink was London fog or a classic pint of beer. Her sweet tooth was unbeatable. 

She has a nice list of hobbies and interests! She loves dancing, can crochet, learning calligraphy for fun, 

Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing 

Born June 17th 1977

It’s van Helsing but whatever. Hellsing is the popularized version of the surname but if you ever ask her to sign a document or write her name, she always fills it out as ‘van Helsing’ because it is “correct”. 

Childhood and Parents

Integra is conceived out of wedlock between Arthur and Ahalya. They met in 1975 and Integra was born three months after their official wedding. Both of her parents were on the older side.  

Her ‘bastard’ status was a big issue in her inheritance and caused, frankly, a lot of tension between Arthur and Richard and more so doubts among the Round Table. 

Arthur defended his decision till the day he died. Integra was the best thing that ever happened to him. 

I AM TIRED OF SEEING NEGLIGENT FATHER ARTHURS. WAKE UP GUYS. 

Arthur was a devoted, very loving, very gracious father. Meeting Ahalya and really taking the Hellsing position seriously since his 30s helped prepare him to be an engaging father and dedicated spouse. While he was busy and often away, any moment he got with Integra was intentional and held his undivided attention. 

Integra’s mother was present until she was ten. Her mother was a little less emotional but equally loving. She was very adamant on Integra’s education and development into a young, respectable lady. She was very against Integra becoming the next head of Hellsing but Arthur was insistent. 

While not always perfect, Integra and her mother got along. Her mother passed away in the spring of 1987 due to terminal illness. 

She was basically raised by Walter whenever neither of her parents were around. They were the best of friends and could read each other like books. Where Arthur taught her the occult and leadership, her mother etiquette and poise, Walter taught her self-reliance and strong headedness. 

Their relationship was not always perfect and definitely hit a rocky patch when Alucard returned. She still never understood what their deal was. 

Early adult years - Integra is the most socially inept but poised individual. Talking to men? Talking to women? It’s near impossible. She’s a brick wall. She’s real fun at parties when she is either obligated or strongly convinced to go to them. 

Definitely earns herself a Elizabeth I reputation. The only time she ever dated was when she was 15 and she had a picnic with a guy her age once. Never again. 

Hellsing Era

Integra’s ascent into the head of the organization was agonizingly painful. Walter served as her legal guardian and Alucard was her…strange project. 

This is truly when she adopted her more masculine persona and this…closed off nature. It was the only way she saw herself being protected from all the prying, doubting, and slander of the bureaucracies. Was this damaging to her? Absolutely. 

Despite this, she grew very close with her father’s trusted friends. Penwood is more at an arm's length while surprisingly, despite his intensity, Irons is her closest among the RTC. 

Irons definitely sees Integra as his daughter as well, not even as Arthur’s child. 

Her relationship with Alucard at this time is very odd. Mentor/mentee, master/servant, Hellsing/vampire. She didn’t quite know how to appreciate him at this time 

A major contributor to their relationship growing was her discovery of Hellsing experiments and frankly more shameful works. While not inherently positive to their dynamic, it definitely changed the way she viewed Alucard forever. 

Adding onto the Seras/Integra segment here from Integra’s perspective. Integra can not afford to lose her ‘normal’. She is a creature of habit and stability. She would never admit it but the upheaval of her life via the death of her father, the absenteeism of Walter, the introduction of Alucard, her first kill, etc. ruined her perceived safety and it took her many years to regain it. 

She had a new, safe, constant normal with Walter and Alucard. So when Seras is introduced, Integra feels threatened. Her vampire acted irrationally and now she has to pay for it (literally and socially). Seras was an unfactored element to her that invaded her life and threw her into disarray. Obviously, this feeling does not last forever, but she detests Seras at first. 

I could also make a point about Integra having no real positive feminine influences in her life after her mother dies. She lives in such a masculine bubble that when Seras is introduced, she frankly does not know how to respond to a positive, feminine presence. That’s a whole other bag of marshmallows for another time.   

Post-Hellsing

She dies fifteen years after the time skip finale from natural causes. 

Miscellaneous 

Operas are her favorite. Her favorite is Tosca. Her favorite activity with Arthur in her youth was to attend the opera and ballets and the likes.

She pulls just as much as Arthur did. :)   

She is fluent in Dutch and English, and knows a decent handful of French and German from her governess days.

Pip Bernadotte 

Born March 27th 1972. Left handed. 

His full name is Pierre Andre. ‘Pip’ stuck in his youth. 

I have an unhealthy loyalty to believing he is French-Belgian-Columbian. Why Columbian? Because I said so. 

His father served on a mercenary job in Columbia where he met Pip’s mother and he brought her back to Europe with him. Pip was born in Belgium and his parents split up shortly after his birth but they never married. He was left with his dad as his mother returned to the Americas. 

He was primarily raised by her grandfather due to his father’s pretty constant absenteeism but whenever his father was around, it was very pleasant and he has a good, positive recollection of his father. 

His grandfather though? It was complicated. He was a stern disciplinarian.    

His father passed away in Pip’s 20s. They hadn’t seen each other for a few years leading up to his death, not in a negative way…just…kinda went down their own paths. 

Pip skipped Belgium and backpacked all around Europe for a long time after his basic level education. He used to have aspirations of being an actor but well we all saw what he actually is so say goodbye to the dream. 

He was engaged at least three times. Absolute dumbass heartbreaker. 

This is a running joke with the Wild Geese and definitely contributed to his dedication to Seras. She really made him want to settle and stop and be still. Sobs.  

Leading up to Hellsing/Hellsing

He was dumb, young, and had both eyes when he joined his first mercenary group. It was not the Wild Geese but there were some guys in there he met who would soon coagulate into the WG. 

That being said, he found he could make more money if he ran the show, so entered the formation of the Wild Geese. 

When he lost his eye, he temporarily considered getting a fake glass eye but (thank you cocolacola &lt;3) Seras gave him the eyepatch as a “welcome to Hellsing sorry for flicking you” offering. 

He’s got some unsorted trauma from losing his eye but he’s an adamant “it’s not that bad I don’t need to talk about it” kind of guy. Toxic masculinity or whatever. 

In general. He’s got a lot of unresolved/undiscussed trauma. Will he ever discuss it? No. 

Y’know. I feel he and Walter clicked too. They’re both a pair of war dogs who refuse to talk about being said war dogs. Pip is also under the illusion that Walter is pretty normal too until he soon realizes he is NOT. Pip and Walter worked together a lot in creating training drills, tweaking defense systems, and Pip ran the whole “this is our new defense plan” by the latter and both were maybe too excited to bond over insane artillery. 

Pip is not allowed in the gunshop though.

 When it comes to Integra, this man has mad respect for her and after the first greeting, he would never dare to disrespect her to her face or without good humor. 

Alucard is another…can of worms. Pip and Alucard have this odd ‘bro code’ honor between them but not much else. Really Pip only talks to Alucard because Seras serves as some type of liaison. 

As Seras’ familiar, I feel he develops ‘powers’- in a non-traditional sense. 

Memory barricades, psychic blocks/links, a minor form of omnipresence, and an adaptation of Seras’ skills when he branches out of her arm. 

He can materialize fully but not for long and is tethered to Seras via her shadow, so if that is cut, he dissipates. 

Miscellaneous 

He is a polyglot! French, Dutch, Italian, Spanish, English fluently. Arabic, German, and Greek intermittently. 

He's a pescetarian. A failing one. 

Pip is a practicing Protestant but you’d never hear him be too open about it and he’s not a calendar Christian either. He’s pretty devoted. 

Walter C. Dornez 

Born September 30th, 1930. Left handed. 

The ‘C’ stands for Christaan: yes that’s how it’s spelled, it’s Dutch. 

This is my small blip on anon about his parents 

Tldr; Walter is maternally a Seward. His mother is Seward’s daughter and served as a nurse in WWI. She’s also the original holder of the monofilament wires, a vampire hunting weapon devised by the Sewards and their assistance to Hellsing in the early 1890s-1910-20s.

His father is from the Netherlands and served in the war.

He grew up in Rotterdam, Netherlands, until May 1940 when the Nazis invaded the Netherlands. 

In their exit from continent Europe, his parents parted ways. Mother took him to England, father stayed behind to aid resistance. He never came back. 

His mother left him in the stead of Hellsing as they are technically family friends and also left him with her precious wires. 

Started as a hall-boy, moved to a footman in 1941 and then was conscripted into Hellsing full-time forces in 1942, earning the moniker the same year. 

A 14 year old being a butler is ridiculous. As a history major, one who has an area of study in grand-house culture (staff and aristocracy) and hierarchy, it would be UNFOUNDED to have someone so young and seemingly inexperienced serving in a role like that. 

Now when he’s older? Plausible. Especially given the decline in house staff necessity, especially after the war. So anyways, his official title is butler to the Hellsing family and valet to Sir Hellsing. 

Dawn Era and Further 

He was the Hellsing infantry’s lil guy. His only friends were grown men who were either scared of him or thought he was puny. He definitely had to work for his respect and favor, with lots of blood, sweat, and tears. 

A big credit to his success in the ranks was his aptitude with gunsmithing. Making Hellsing’s literal arms makes you a valuable player. 

If he wasn’t using wires, he was using his own handcrafted sniper rifle: Pandora. 

This will be indulgent. 

Warsaw, Poland 1944. Kid can not remember any of it save for emotions, blurry recollection, and now his neck hurts on occasion. 

That Captain fight left him unrecognizable, even to himself, and absolutely shattered the early camaraderie he TRIED to have Alucard. 

He struggled to reconcile that Hellsing was any different than Millennium given he felt they were both out for him, just in different ways. 

Sometimes it’s best he doesn't remember.  

Poland definitely changed him for the worse - intense conditioning to violence made it near impossible for him to adapt back to the real world and being so pivotal in Hellsing forces so early on gave him quite the ego. 

He attended Balliol Harvard to study politics and economics. It was a fine time. Definitely awoke something in him. GAY. HE’S GAY. College was in general not too kind to him in the regard that trying to go back to a strange calm after his tumultuous teen years was……..immensely damaging to his psyche. 

Alucard. God where do I start. They had a…rivals to friends to no-contact to rivals to coworkers to friends to lovers (?) to amorous thoughts to haters to rivals to classy exes to…vampire fights in leather. It’s complicated. 

Integra is his absolute darling. He loves her so much despite being a ‘I hate kids’ individual leading up to that. He loved her as the daughter he never had/never will have and also because it evened Arthur out completely. 

Speaking of Arthur. Walter and Arthur have a complicated relationship- not quite father/son, not quite employer/employee, not quite sir/valet. Arthur was almost too casual with Walter early on but later, they developed a strange, taut but friendly mutual respect. 

Events of Hellsing

He died in ep5. He looked like a shattered jam jar on the streets of London when the Captain was done with him. I refuse to accept otherwise. 

Vampirism obviously saved him- for better or for worse is up to you. 

This is another bag of marshmallows but I like to think his vampire form is. Uncanny. He’s got some strange new features that distinctly set him apart from natural vampires, a common trait with Millennium engineered vampires.

Miscellaneous

Woman magnet. This man pulled from his 20s to his 40s. Crazy thing though? This man is not into women. Lmao. He has the ‘single attractive bachelor who is single for a reason’ vibe. 

Despite not being a fan of Arthur’s…colorful liveliness…he did some fun, maybe wild things in his youth too. He was no stranger to drinking, going to clubs, dancing, and has perhaps tried a substance or two. Anything to cope. 

Not even he knows how the wires work…he only knows they listen to him. 

They also function like web shooters or hooks if he controls the tension correctly. 

He is decked in scars from monofilament training. Has almost lost fingers MANY TIMES

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

some of y’all might’ve noticed that like 90% of the shit i reblog lately is tagged just “#tag later” and this is bc my new job has me working three 12hr overnight shifts a week and this leaves me too exhausted to tag things correctly. i started doing this back in like october-november when i was working AND going to school and was basically doing 52 hrs of work a week and i started tagging the wrong characters and shit and ppl would point it out and i was like aw FUCK. so i started tagging shit “tag later” with the idea that when i stopped having to do these hellish 52hr weeks i’d be less exhausted and i could go through that tag and fix everything. however with my new job there isn’t rlly an end in sight, this is just my life now (and fwiw i rlly like it even if my tagging game is slipping, i love my job). i’ve been tagging stuff “tag later” pretty consistently and i’m starting to think that maybe Employed Jess just can’t keep up w the combo of 1. Having A Full Time Job, 2. my insane tagging system, and 3. my obsessive need to see Every Single Post On My Dashboard. so my options are:

give up on the tagging system altogether (genuinely can’t imagine doing this. reblogging stuff with no way to sort it into categories??? the fuck?????? that’s fucking insane to me. i think i’d get so anxious abt my blog being an infinite unsortable jumble of ofmd posts that i’d delete my whole blog in a panic one night)

simplify the tagging system somewhat (somewhat more doable but also the difference between my old tagging system and my new tagging system on different posts would still drive me fucking insane)

try to get over my anxiety about Seeing Every Single Post and just focus on actually tagging things correctly when i go to reblog them (this one is fun bc if i actually manage to conquer this neurosis then i can finally follow back the dozens of rlly cool ofmd blogs that im only not following bc i’m weird abt how i use tumblr. however i think what would be more likely to happen is i would follow everyone and then still be anal abt seeing every post, but now my dash would be functionally infinite and then i’d be wasting even more time scrolling on tumblr trying to catch up on my dashboard during work or when i’m supposed to be sleeping. and then i’d have to unfollow ppl to stop my life from falling into chaos and i’d feel rlly bad)

seriously limit my time on tumblr just in general and try to focus more on other hobbies in my free time (dgmw there would still be a lot of ofmd in my life i’d just be doing more, like, catching up on fics i’ve been meaning to read or something. maybe even writing more of my own fics??? that sounds fake to me but who knows)

just keep doing what i’m doing and maybe i’ll get better at the whole “work life balance” thing and i’ll be less exhausted all the time and i’ll finally be able to catch up on tagging everything

[finchwingart]

Hi Finch! Hope you're doing well! I was wondering, since you work in animation, do you still consume art & animation content with same interest and enjoyment as before? Like, in school, for example. And do you have time and interest for it in the first place? Simply put, is it still good to be in this industry where you have to watch cartoons (I mean, probably you should know what's new coming up etc.), see what other people doing in art and their careers to keep abreast and not because you sincerely interest in it. Sorry if the question is somehow too sad haha

Why asking: I'm trying to figure out what to do for living. I grew up online, I love the art community here and I love my online life, if that make sense. I'm 23 and work at aquarium store, we have fish and reptiles here and I see how my coworkers passionate about this sphere: they keep a bunch of terrariums, they know a lot about reptiles, how to build good aquascape ect. But I'm starting to understand that this is not what I'd like to be around all the time, like, I consume a lot of related content and don't have much time to look up for news in animation or just what my friends have drawn lately. So I've been thinking, maybe if I go back in something close to my habitual online life I'd be more satisfy.. so I'm just interested in your thoughts and experience. Sorry if it's too much haha Thank you so much in advance!! Have a wonderful day!

Yea I definitely still enjoy consuming art/animation! It's the best thing about the job tbh. It's nice to feel excited and inspired by anything new and awesome the industry releases, and what your friends and colleagues are getting on with. My absolute favourite part of being an animator is attending events, like Annecy festival for eg, and really feeling like a part of the magic.

I feel like this year especially felt like that for me, because so many inspiring things came out for me this year. Really feels like new and creative projects are being made, even by the bigwigs, n in the age of AI that's especially hopeful

I will say though, ofc it's different for everyone, but tbh I've found that, for me and my friends, we do kinda wish we didn't make our hobby our career. I still enjoy animation, but now it's a Job, and something I have to do 40+ hours a week, and it's hard to do anything for that length of time and still enjoy it fully yknow.

I enjoy it in the sense that I'm proud to be a part of this industry that has so many awesome artists and people in it, who all try so hard and really believe in something. It's easy to feel like you aren't making a difference and that life is mundane, with any job, but when there are big milestones in the community, or you attend an animation festival and meet everyone else just trying to make good work like you, it's nice and fulfilling.

Idk, I feel like any job can become a slog, but I keep thinking at least mine's a cool one that people think is impressive LOL

[libbee]

PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT SERIES: 8th house and psychosis. Trigger: mental health

This is my understanding of "psychosis" that happens to 8th house natives. I have venus in 8th house & I experienced psychosis. Carl Jung had sun in 8th house, his psychosis is well known. Friedrich Nietzsche was scorpio rising with rahu and moon in 1st house & sun in 12th house in libra. More on this later but today let us discuss psychosis. From my understanding, it is triggered by two things: planet and time period of the house ruler. Venus in 8th psychosis is triggered by romantic relationship. Sun in 8th house by father? Moon in 8th house by mother? My understanding on this is not clear but I have definitely experienced the relationship and mom connection (venus + moon in 8th house). Next comes, time period of 8th house ruler. My 8th house is ruled by Gemini and my psychosis was triggered in mercury antardasha because it probably activated the 8th house. Someone with pisces ruling 8th house will be activated in Jupiter mahadasha or antardasha etc.

What exactly happens during psychosis? Since 8th house is to do with intense emotions, these natives go back and forth highs and lows to the extreme levels throughout the day. Psychosis occurs when they are overwhelmed by the unconscious content and have a weak & insecure ego. It happens either in early youth years or when they have not dealt with a challenge before in life or unprecedented misfortune. For eg, if venus in 8th house is in relationship, she will be her usual rollercoaster emotional ride. 8th house will bring a not suitable person to life. Native is her usual intense self but the romantic lover causes many emotional and mental issues by lying, manipulation, inconsistent behavior etc. This gradually drives the native to emotional distress. There comes a flood of negative emotions in them like extreme anxiety, fear and panic. They start obsessing about the whole thing to the point of mental breakdown. Since they are young, naive, early age or inexperienced, this emotional distress is too mentally and physically draining to live in. It gets harder and harder to live life in a hyper emotional state every day. This is when native starts to isolate herself.

Then occurs psychotic break. It is when the native starts to perceive reality differently and lives in delusions. For eg, delusion like I am pregnant or I am being stalked or somebody is trying to hurt me, seeing mental images of people hurting them and ridiculing them. The last one happened to me. This is very frightening and confusing to native. She does not know how to explain the strange things happening to her.

Then happens spiritual awakening. Something in her pulls her to occult and related things or psychology or therapy or hospital or anything else as per life path. Next step is the reordering of her psychic world which blends delusion and reality. Which means she has to face the trauma from her past and heal herself. Synchronicities begin to happen. Unlearn the trauma and relearn new things. 8th housers are called BRAVE SURVIVORS for this reason.

Depression and psychosis wipe her memory clean. Time to integrate the parts of herself now coming to consciousness. What parts? Shadow, animus, parts of herself she did not know she was, changing the old habits, changing the hobbies, career etc. These things are very crucial to mental development. We often hear "eh school sucks, I hate democracy, why do we have to do job.." but try living in jungle doing nothing & you will realize how system, rituals, patterns, routine, order are very important psychological needs. They are not just manmade institutions but strong psychological impulses.

Time to fix what is broken. Make peace with your childhood trauma. Acknowledge everything you hate in yourself and give it time (months, years) to integrate and heal. Read more about it in books because I cannot go into detail here.

Also, strengthen your ego. Intense women lack strong ego. Ego means self identity. Assertiveness. Stand up for yourself and your rights. Ego means to achieve or try to achieve your highest potential. There is no other way to live a fulfilling life. Ego means to putting yourself first, not being doormat and clingy.

This psychosis is life changing, catastrophic, sudden, unpredictable, similar to death and rebirth. It is the shedding of previous reality and creation of a new reality. It is why 8th housers say "I have lived so many lives in one lifetime."

Once they have overcome this psychosis, their ego is better able to handle next bouts of intense negative emotions and handle them positively with physical, intellectual, mental efforts. They also attract better quality of people in their lives because people can sense their maturity and character. 8th house still brings sudden twists and turns but they are able to handle that.

I personally went from browsing nonsense porn to turning pages of philosophy books. It is total life changing self development work. Painful but very rewarding.

[sarula]

Not doing anything but taking care of a baby is a huge blessing. I would not want it any other way. Period.

There are times when I feel like I lost who I am since my body is different, there’s no time to make an outfit or do my hair etc., loss of hobbies, loss of income, no going out except for errands… but I also need to look back on the accomplishments I racked up right before giving birth and try to let myself feel satisfaction from that. If nothing else, I have graduated from a two year degree where I won an award for painting cars. Went on to win 10th place in a national competition between all the first place painters from every US state and territory. Took professional level painting classes at Axalta, a major automotive paint company. This was all while pregnant 😮‍💨 then I got married and brought a new human into the world.

And what’s funny is this was all brought on by ✨trying something wild and new, going to a technical school on a whim. Like I literally bought an enchanted necklace with a spell for finding wonder in life. As soon as I got it in the mail, the idea struck me to do auto body. And then I learned that my abuelo I never even met used to buy beat up cars, do all the body work in the street in the Bronx and then get no money back when he sold it unpainted. Because you can’t paint in the street. And no one wants a bondo car. So it’s like I did the job he probably always wished to do. And maybe I’ll get back to it but maybe that was good enough. I can say I did it and did it well. And now I’m doing something else. Something much more important actually. It’s my most masculine trait I feel, that I derive a sense of identity through occupation

[pinkboxess]

ruminations on fanfiction

I have been all happy today because of all the requests I got, so I'm thinking about all the reasons I love fanfic, and all the happiness it brings to my life, yada yada yada.

So, I majored in English, and for the first half or so of my undergrad, I planned to go into the publishing field. (This will be relevant, I promise.) I wrote things that I submitted places and tried to get published. Some of them were accepted and some of them were rejected. I took editing classes and volunteered as an editor for my school's literary journal.

And I didn't like it.

I realized after a little bit that the more "advanced" I got into that field and that world, the more I disliked it. It wasn't what I was best at, either. I never really got the hang of making good editing decisions (as in, deciding whether to accept or reject a submission). Trying to cater my own writing towards what publishers wanted was also less than enjoyable.

I love, love writing, so it's not that I regretted my major or lost the passion or anything. But I like writing the most when it's not going to be evaluated. Either when that's my own writing being evaluated by a publisher, or me as the editor evaluating someone else's work. Those are important jobs that I don't want to dismiss as inherently immoral or something like that-- if you're an editor, that's awesome. But it just wasn't for me. I always liked people's pieces too much or not enough, depending on whether it spoke to me, personally. It was too hard to be objective. I didn't really like trying to be objective.

So I don't write stuff to send to publishers anymore. For one thing, I'm in grad school now in a different field, and for another, I just really don't enjoy myself as much when I'm writing a piece that makes my brain go into that mode of "this has to be good" in a literary sense of the word good. At some point in my life I might like to go back to that kind of writing. But for right now, it's just not enjoyable, and since writing is a hobby for me, I don't make myself try to sit down and write something that I'm not excited about.

But I write loads and loads of fanfiction because fanfiction is so freeing. It's the epitome of self-indulgence. It's like this giant playground where I can write about vulnerable concepts like sexual desire and body image and aging and relationships. I mean, personally, I don't see myself writing sex scenes in anything except fanfiction, especially ones so detailed and intended for enjoyment.

But it's really like you're writing in this separate little safe bubble where you can do anything you want. The only feedback you receive is positive (I mean, just personally, I've never received a hate comment, so I can say that.) You can write works that are as short or as long as you want. You can post every day or once a month. You can always write the exact same trope, or you can do something totally new every time. And whatever you write, there will probably be an audience for it.

It's writing just purely for the sake of enjoyment. You're not trying to be good. You're not trying to pen a masterpiece. You're not submitting it for approval-- instead, you're posting it to be enjoyed freely, with zero barrier to entry. And that's what prevents me from losing motivation. I don't get tired of it, because it's always fun, and if anything about it isn't fun, I just don't do that.

I am so glad I've found some people in one of the corners of the internet who read my fics <3 it's such a fun hobby and distraction and escape and therapy substitute. Thank you for feeding my hyperfixation/special interest/obsession.

[nobedofroses]

December 13th

pairing: Marcus Moreno x reader

warnings: fluff

words: 650

a/n: getting a little out of hand with a school bake sale Hot chocolate/baking/dancing prompt from @toomanystoriessolittletime's winter writing challenge ❄️

more Marcus, Full List

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One of Missy’s class’ last hurrahs before winter break was holding a bake sale to raise money for… something. Probably new music stands or a football stadium or something like that. You didn’t really remember because as soon as the words, “bake sale” were out of Missy’s mouth, your focus jumped to strategy and the rest of her sentence was lost in a swirl of brownies, cookies, and popcorn balls. 

In the week preceding the sale, you made multiple grocery trips as each new idea was solidified. Everything together, you were making three kinds of cookies, two kinds of brownies, winter-themed popcorn balls, and a couple batches of macarons just to elevate things a little bit. 

Missy was pretty much just allowed to help with the scooping and decorating (and licking the bowl of course) and that was fine with her. Marcus, after nearly measuring out a tablespoon of baking soda instead of a teaspoon, was not allowed to help with anything. The only time he was allowed in the kitchen was when he got to try the wonky leftover-dough cookie that seemed to be a part of every batch. 

It was going pretty well, despite Marcus’ sulking, but you were somewhat behind. Missy had gone to sleep, so you had to scoop things yourself which meant less time to do things while the batch in the oven baked. 

At 11:00pm, Marcus came gingerly into the kitchen, “How are you doing, angel?” 

“I’m good, it’s fine. The macarons are resting and the popcorn is made and one of the cookies and two of the brownies— or was it two of the cookies and one of the brownies…?” you trailed off, hurrying over to the boxes of completed treats to count them. 

Marcus, sensing your impending spiral, came over and wrapped his arms around your waist from behind. “Sweetheart, I know you love doing this, and you’re doing a great job, but this is supposed to be fun, right? I mean really, shouldn’t something like this be time for you and Missy to spend together? And maybe even your husband if he needs to remember his glasses before trying to bake?” 

You couldn’t help but melt back into his arms as he talked, the rumble of his chest soothing you instantly, “It’s just— I love baking—”

“I know.”

“And I want to help Missy’s school—”

“I know.”

“And—” 

“Angel, everything you’re saying is great, but need I remind you that you also have a full time job? I mean, if you wanna turn baking into something more intense than a hobby, I’d totally support you. But now, right now, you don’t need to spend up baking seven different things when they only asked if you could bring a dozen cookies,” came his gentle but firm reminder. 

“They only asked for a dozen?” you asked incredulously, turning in his arms to face him. 

“Yes, sweetheart, because the 23 other kids in her class will also bring something to sell, and that right there is nearly 300. Hell, they might turn you away with your, what, 150 all on your own?” Marcus guessed. 

“161…” you murmured. 

“You’re so ridiculously sweet, angel,” Marcus said with a laugh. “But let’s just finish up the batch that’s in the oven, and put everything else in the freezer. You need to get to bed. We both do.” 

The little look in Marcus’ eye was enough to make you realize what he meant, and remember what you typically did on Thursday nights. 

“Oh! Yeah, good idea, we can bake these next week for us. Um, let me just put that away, if you can load the dishwasher?” you were already out of Marcus’ arms, grabbing the containers you had that could hold so much scooped dough. “And then bed.” 

“And then bed.” Marcus agreed, and the two of you had that kitchen cleaned up in record time.

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