#get kidney stones. seriously.

[bl00dw1tch]

Capitalism is wrong because it encourages bad gamers to post videos of them playing games they dont like or care about + actively refuse to play correctly

[theygender]

That post about POTS is making me kinda. Hmm. I always thought that the blacking out when I stand up or do exercise or get too hot was caused by me being chronically underweight bc the less I weigh the worse the symptoms get. But. Apparently being underweight can exacerbate POTS symptoms?? So. I might have POTS???

Genuine question is it really not normal to EVER get dizzy or nauseous or lose vision or pass out from standing up / lightly exercising / getting too hot? And if that IS a thing that happens to people without chronic illnesses then like. How bad does it have to be before it's POTS?

[mental-ch-illness]

i grew up with a chronic illness and parents who believed i was ‘milking’ my pain. they said things like ‘it’s not that bad’ and ‘you have to get through it and do what everyone else does’. i never got the chance to know what my limits were because i wasn’t allowed to have any. because of that, i underreported symptoms until my disease became severe. scariest part is that i didn’t even realize i was underreporting. i had just been doubting my own body for years.

i still struggle to accept and seek support for pain. recently, i developed a large kidney stone. as i’m laying in the emergency room, crying from pain, i have a thought like ‘this really isn’t that bad’. and i’m like, ‘oh my god, i’m gaslighting my own pain’. meanwhile, i’m being given morphine and bumped up in triage. these should validate my experience, but suddenly i’m thinking ‘i don’t need this, i’m probably milking it’ because that’s what i’ve been told my entire life.

parents and guardians, take any pain your child reports seriously, especially if they are chronically ill. otherwise, you’re teaching them to ignore their own needs and limits, leading to the worsening of conditions and appearance of easily preventable problems. they’ll be much worse off then they’d be if they missed a day of school for supposedly faking a tummy ache.

[n6ptunova]

chris gets so serious and concerned whenever his brother’s health is mentioned like nick’s wisdom teeth and matt’s sleeping habits or nick saying he might have kidney stones. like it’s so fucking cute he’d be so worried about you if you get sick and he’d almost nag you in all seriousness for you to go to the doctor like, “come on, babe i’ll come with you we have to make sure you’re okay!” the whole time you just have a simple cold but he acts like its the plague😭 just know you’re in good hands bc he’ll take care of you 24/7

[lunas-side-anime-blog]

Modern College Student/BF Armin Arlert Headcanons

(rewatching aot and damn I forgot how much I love armin.  someone pls put me onto some good armin fan fiction?  this boy doesn’t get anough attention honestly, lemme know if you guys want me to do anyone else, im thinking eren next?)

Pre law student

I think in the modern world, Armin would only look at his love for the ocean and nature as hobbies.  When it comes to investing in his education and making money to support himself and his family, he’d go into a major he’s good at just to be safe.  And that’s persuasive arguments, crazy attention to detail and maybe a little manipulation for the greater good so yeah…lawyer it is 🙂

Currently focusing on political science for his BA before law school

Shares a small apartment with Eren and Mikasa cuz they all looked at dorm life and were collectively like “yea, fuck that”

Armin and Mikasa are up first every morning, and they usually share a lil breakfast together before deciding which one should dare try to drag Eren out of bed

Has the best color-coded notes, the type of student to type into the chats links to resources he found helpful when doing the homework, pulls thru with the quizlet right before quizzes

Heavy on that study beats, listens to it even when not studying

Has canva pro and no you cannot use it 🫶🏻

Strict study schedule but he doesn’t go overboard like other honor kids.  He gives himself plenty of breaks and plans his workload so he can enjoy his weekends bc he knows he’ll be useless all burnout 

His Starbucks order is an iced brown sugar oat milk shaken espresso, sometimes with a blueberry muffin, boy likes his sweets

The Starbucks staff around the corner knows him personally and even have a lil crush on him since he's there so often, polite and always puts something in the tip jar (he may get a few free cake pops here and there)

Loves the sims and doing little legacy challenges, the type to get emotional when his sim gets married or has kids because he fr raised them

Deep into the lore too, has his theories about Bella Goth and hates Don Lothario with a passion

One time Eren deleted his saved family and Armin didn’t speak to that man for two weeks

Secretly loves fanfiction but only found family fanfiction bc it reminds him so much of his relationship with Eren and Mikasa. Soft spot for anything Harry Potter tho (proud ravenclaw)

I don’t think he’d smoke weed bc I feel like he’d be a paranoid high so it’d be more stressful than relaxing tbh

But he always trip sits his friends!  

Will go to parties if dragged along but the most he’ll drink is like a twisted tea or white claw and just kinda watch his friends get hammered like 🫣

The type of guy at the party who’ll get dragged into some drunk crying girl’s story about her bf and he’s just sitting there with his one drink, sober asf like, “omfg bestie! you need to dump him, like i’ll help you draft that text rn”

Smells like Johnson and Johnsons baby soap and like he’s so embarrassed about it but his skin is so sensitive he has to use the goo goo gaga stuff

Other than that he kinda smells like fresh laundry?  Uses too much detergent and dryer sheets so his clothes smell like extra good and he doesn’t wear cologne so yeah, hope you like Tide bitches✌🏼

Very loyal to the vanilla bean burts bees chapstick

Has a blue hydro flask that he always has with him, also constantly reminding his friends to drink more water

Totally has scared Eren by telling him about kidney stones and how the dumbass might have to just pee out rocks if he doesn’t drink sum fucking water.

Eren now takes hydrating v seriously :)

Most of his friends will go to him more than their actual advisor bc Armin is just much more helpful tbh and he loves telling them which classes or internships they should take.  

Actually prefers articles and podcasts over books bc of practicality and he already has to read so fucking much for school

But is lowkey one of the annoying ppl where like any conversation you’ll have will end with him like, “Oh earlier I was listening to this one podcast and-”

Has painted his nails a few times but I think he’s a nail biter so he kinda stopped after unintentionally eating so much nail polish

Secret passion for skin care, may or may not be a skincarebyhyram stan

Tried countless times to get Eren to at least wear spf everyday but yea, that bitch don’t listen

Mikasa does tho and they actually go to sephora together once every month for lil skincare hauls (baddie w her baddie friend)

Calls his grandpa everyday, even if it’s just for a few minutes bc he knows his grandpa is all alone now that he left for school and armin just wants him to know that he’s doing fine and making him proud

As your Bf

You guys probably met thru a friend of a friend, most likely you befriended Mikasa or Eren and they started bringing you over and eventually Armin would meet you

Bc in no way would Armin actively search for something romantic when his main focus rn is getting his degree but like damn you were just-

Wow

Anyway, as your bf expect literally so many forehead kisses

Kinda clingy bc he is indeed a scorpio, once it’s official between you two every night he’s like “so we sleeping at my place or yours?”

Bc why would you guys just sleep apart from each other?  

Armin fr forgot how to 

Fav cuddle position is you on your back and him with his head on your chest and arms around your waist

Bonus if you play with his hair and whisper sweet nothings by his temple

I’m on team soft dom armin, boy is a ppl pleaser for sure but still a dom

He’s pretty vanilla and heavy on praise, but if you want him to go hard and degrade you or manhandle you, he would as long as you guys set up a safeword first

His post nut clarity would hit hard tho and he would be so afraid you saw him as some sort of sexist pig afterwards

“WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG, IN NO WAY DO I CODONE-”

“Babe chill all you did was spank me.”

If you have a vagina, he is like super educated on the anatomy🤓

Fr makes you pee after sex

Washes his hands before fingering you and you’re just sitting there trying to stay in the mood like “😀”

Tbh the only things I think would be off the table for Armin is anything unhygienic or like anything involving other ppl bc boy is too insecure and possessive for anyone else to be seeing you like that

Sex on the beach isn’t happening either.

If you try to convince him he would just be like,”Sand will end up everywhere (y/n)!  Honestly, it’s like you WANT a yeast infection!”

Having a pre law bf is literally having your own attorney at your beck and call

If you have a problem with a teacher for example, Armin would fr hop on a call with the college and be like “sweetie, who was the head of your department again?”

Next thing you know the poor teacher is fired lol

Can and will fight all your battles

The perfect study buddy, like he'll make flashcards for you without you even asking or telling him what the next test was about?

You never have to edit or revise your essays again, Armin is just proud that you wrote it all out, he’ll take care of it from there so all you have to do later is submit

Armin made one day of the week your guys’ date night and literally someone would have to die in order for him to reschudle bc the boy takes it sooo seriously

Literally Eren can call from the hospital and Armin will just be like “you know what day it is?  Right, it’s Thursday.  Which is date night for me and Y/n.  So unless that broken arm turns into organ failure, don’t call me!”  

Date nights are museums, cafes, planetariums, sometimes you guys will even take a class together

But honestly, the best dates are the ones you guys have at home bc he likes just having you all to himself

Boy is jealous, but more so possessive

Like, it takes a very certain action to piss him off enough to act outwardly bitchy

Boys can make you laugh, they can compliment you, they can try to impress you

But if a boy were to try to protect and care for you?

Armin will snap

Thats literally his job and he sees it as a threat

Will go out of his way to make the dude look really incompentent.

Your study partner brought you a snack bc they know you missed breakfast?

“Y/n doesn’t like that brand, it hurts their tummy.  Maybe you should ask before just shoving whatever in their face😒”  

Its cold out and some guy offers you their jacket?  

“Woah there, prince charming, I don't think your 10 dollar Old Navy hoodie is gonna cut it. Darling, why don’t we head inside and get you a hot drink? 😇”  

A guy friend stops by with some medicine bc he heard you were at home sick?  

Armin’s there at the door like, “My baby’s immune system is really weak right now, the last thing they need is strangers just coming over and making them sicker.  How thoughtless are you?🤬”

Fights don’t really happen bc Armin is so good at de escalating situations, he’s also just such a simp for you that you’ll always gets your way

The only fights he won’t back down from are the ones where he feels like your safety is at risk

Over his dead fucking body would you do anything even remotely dangerous

This is where I see manipulative Armin.  He’d use his skills to convince you that you didn’t even care about what you were arguing for in the first place

At first he might feel a little guilty but after realizing you’re objectively safer from his manipulation, he doesn’t feel as bad

Kinda yandere tbh, but really soft and not dangerous

Your location should always be on tho☺️

Fav Nicknames for you: darling, baby, princess/prince

Songs that fit the vibe: Turning Page by Sleeping At Last, Bad Habit by Steve Lacy and As The World Caves In by Mat Maltese 

“Yes, it’s you I welcome death with, as the world caves in.”

“Nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.”  

“Thought you were too good for me my dear, never gave me time of day my dear.” 

[jeonqkooks]

I want whoever said I love you first, I'm sure it was Jungkook

our beloved summer; a drabble

“No, no, no, stop squeezing me so hard. I have to pee!”

You’re lounging on the couch with Jungkook wrapped tightly around your body, his arms holding your waist and one of his legs thrown over yours. It’s a Friday night but it’s raining like ass outside and despite the bad weather, some of your friends are still going out to release their stress after an exhausting midterms week. You two, obviously, could not be bothered.

“Then go pee,” Jungkook laughs lightly, untangling himself from you.

“But I’m so comfortable now,” you whine as you bury your face in the crook of his neck and sniff him. He’s warm and he smells like fresh laundry; he could be a good substitute for a bed.

One of his hands sneaks down to pat your butt innocently. “Come on, go pee. Do it for your kidneys.”

You make a noise against his neck, not budging from your makeshift pillows that are really just his muscles, until he starts pressing against your stomach, making you want to freaking explode from all the liquid you’re holding in.

"Seriously. My cousin had to pass kidney stones last year. It's a shitty process."

“Fine, jeez, stop! Dipshit…” you groan, moving to get up from the couch but not before you punch him square in the chest for being a douche. Laughing, Jungkook pretends to be hurt even though you both know your fist did absolutely no damage to him.

He watches you grumpily walk to the bathroom, and when you waddle back out a few minutes later — visibly more relaxed, he’s already semi-vertical, sitting (sinking) into the cushions lazily. You plop onto the couch again, your legs stretched across his lap as he rests a hand on your bare thigh, settling for the spot below where your sleep shorts end.

It’s very… domestic. Making instant cup ramen and wiping stains of spicy broth off each other’s faces as you eat. Cuddling on his couch afterward and being antisocial together, with him right behind you and chuckling at a funny meme every few minutes while you scroll through your socials. Reminding you to drink water and then reminding you to go relieve your bladder.

Feels like you’ve been doing this forever and not just shy of nine months.

You go back to looking at your phone, nearly ugly-snorting when you open the picture of Taehyung that Jimin just sent to the group chat. Now, Jungkook supposes, is as good a time as any.

“Hey,” he starts, and you reply with a quiet Hmm? to let him know you’re listening.

What Jungkook means to say is, I love you. What he could say instead to dilute the weight of those three words with something a little more lighthearted so you wouldn’t be as freaked out, is I think I'm going crazy because I might be falling in love with you, even though he knows he’s already reached that destination.

He’s been thinking about this. This being how to say it without making it overwhelming and having you run off on him, because these are big words he wants to tell you. A milestone. Jungkook knows you’re not used to any of it.

What he does end up saying is, I would do a lot of things for you. Taking a step forward and hoping that you’ll meet him halfway.

Your eyes drift upward to meet his, warm and chocolate brown and shimmering. Everything feels like fairy lights and a mug of hot cocoa. The only thing missing is snowfall outside your window, but it’s only nearing the third week of October.

“Like what?” you ask.

Jungkook rubs absentminded patterns into your skin. “Anything you ask me to,” he answers, pupils surely dilated half way to Saturn as he holds your gaze, a soft smile playing on his lips. He just knows that he must look like a lovesick puppy right now. “Would you let me?”

You narrow your eyes at him, tone accusing as you say, “What did you break?”

“What? Nothing!”

“Then what’s happening?” you chuckle teasingly as you poke his side with your foot. “Why are you getting sentimental all of a sudden? So mushy.”

You’re starting to deflect. He saw it coming from a mile away.

The truth is, Jungkook has been ready to say it before quite a while now, even before the new school year started. He was ready even before you parted ways for a month over the summer to go visit your respective families. He wanted to say it then, too.

“I’m trying," he tells you, which doesn't really count as elaborating.

"To do what?"

He simply shrugs. "To be respectful of your boundaries. To not scare you off."

"Why would you scare me off? What boundaries?" You prop yourself on your elbows, shifting your legs on his lap. You let out a nervous laugh, because Jungkook isn't making very much sense right now. "If you keep beating around the bush, I might think you're telling me you lo—"

Oh.

You watch him watch you piece it together, and then you watch his lips as he carries on, “Yeah. That. You know what I’m trying to say.”

Your mouth opens and closes. It does that a few times even though no sound comes out.

“Don't be pressured or anything," he reassures you. "I just wanted you to know where this is going for me. It's not on you to feel responsible for my feelings."

If this were the old you, your first reaction would probably be to get up and run. Change your name. Move to a country where nobody knows who you are. Start a new life. As if you're on the run from the law and someone had just found out about your identity. As if you aren't just a girl, sitting next to a boy, hearing him tell you that he loves you.

You reckon you would remember this forever. How your heart is beating so hard that your ribs might crack. How you might want to say it back. How you might want to say it back right now and not have to wait a minute longer. How it’s going to be real once the words are uttered. How you hope this would never end. How it would hurt like hell if it did.

You think a stupid thought, I’m like an onion. He’s peeling me open layer by layer.

Then, selfishly, I hope I’m not the one that falls harder.

Thunder crackles outside the window, spurring you on, calling you a coward. This is the same damn thing that you've been trying not to do — pondering the end even before the beginning, finding flaws in every little thing, focusing on the hypothetical negativity just so you could justify your excuse to not let anyone in.

Love is not foolproof, but you have to take a chance anyway.

Minutes pass by, and Jungkook still loves you throughout your silence.

“Say it,” you decide, fully sitting up now. Your phone lights up with notifications from your friends, something about Taehyung almost throwing up on the sidewalk and Hoseok potentially going home with someone. It sounds like they're having a nice time, but you could get to their updates later. You flip your phone over so you could focus on only Jungkook.

“What?” he asks, head tilting slightly as he looks at you.

“I think I want to hear you say it.”

“Are you sure?” He turns to face you better. “I don’t want to force you if you aren’t ready.”

“I’m sure," you confirm, fighting every instinct to run away. "Say what you mean.”

Jungkook doesn't though, not immediately. He watches you for another moment, trying to see if he should really do it. Trying to give you one last chance to bolt if you change your mind.

But you sit still, holding your breath, waiting for him to help you let him in. There's no going back after this.

“Okay," he says, warm hand still on your skin. "I lov—"

“No, wait! Turn around."

Jungkook blinks.

You blink, flustered. "Turn around. Don't look at me."

He stays in the same position for approximately twenty seconds before he finally turns, chuckling lowly to himself. This is taking a whole process just to get three words out. But it's fine. It's okay. He'll go at whatever pace you want him to.

You're worth it to him.

Once Jungkook is facing the empty wall next to the couch, the words roll off his tongue so easily. The ones that he has never said to anyone else; the ones that you've never had said to you before. Not in this way.

“I love you.”

He hears you breathe out, then in again. Your arms wound around his waist as you scoot close, until your front is flushed against his back. Your heartbeat is so loud that he can feel it, thudding, thudding, thudding...

You tell him with your chin resting on his shoulder, echoing what he told you earlier, "I— I would do a lot of things for you too."

You're returning his sentiment, just not in the exact same words. It's still a lot more than he initially hoped for, and while Jungkook does want to hear you say what you mean as well, he's content with this.

It's a promise that you'll do it soon; he just has to wait for a little bit.

[iamdeceived]

Hi, this is just a cute story!

Warnings: have you drunk water today? What are you waiting for? Want a kidney stone?

(English is not my first language, so please forgive me for any mistakes!)

🦋 Female reader 🦋

*♡*

You were the only woman on Yondu's ship. That meant a lot.

You had your own room, and your own space to do your thing on the ship. Despite appearing tough and frowning, Yondu has always been very understanding with you. With the differences between the sexes of the two of you. He treated you how you would want to be treated and that was that.

Sometimes, you felt the eyes of Yondu's subordinates on your body. At first it bothered you. Now you don't care anymore.It was you who went after Yondu, and asked to be part of his crew. At first the captain thought it absurd. Until you show your skills. Ever since then, you've been hanging out with this bunch of misfits. They have become your family.You didn't even have family on Earth anyway. Nobody cares about you there. Now, with the Ravagers you not only feel like you matter, you really matter.

*⁠♡*

Yondu was furious. Your subordinates are a bunch of imbeciles. They made him lose an absurd amount of money, for some silly thing. "Why didn't I take Y/n? She would have done a much better job than all of them put together!"You just wanted to rest in your room. But you saw when Kraglin came to you, to get away from the captain.

"He's furious! I think he wants to rip my head off!" He spoke, you listened to him as you read your book.

"After all, why then did you lose the customer?" You said, without taking your eyes off the book. "It's just… well… look Y/n… Don't laugh!" You have closed your book. I Am very curious now. "I won't, I promise!" He sighed "Look, we weren't there at the appointed time, because the boys and I saw a library… We know how much you like books, so we were going to bring you some books as a gift…. And then we lost the time." You felt a flush creep up your cheeks. "Oh Kraglin, you guys are adorable! Thank you so much for thinking of me!" You hugged the man awkwardly in front of you, and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "Does Yondu know that's why you wasted your time with the buyer?" Just mentioning the captain's name made him turn away from you. Yondu loves you, and he is very jealous . "That would only make him angrier!" You smiled.

You love these boys!

You had a "secret" affair with Yondu a few days ago. But everyone there, including the guardians themselves, knew you were going to be together at some point.

"Don't worry, I'll talk to him myself!" Kraglin nodded yes. Before leaving his room, he took a package out of his pocket. It was small. It fits in the palm of your hand. "I only managed to bring this." His eyes sparkled. You opened the small package and saw the leather book. It was the story of an alien town. You enveloped Kraglin in a hug.

"I loved it! Seriously, thank you so much! You're a great Kraglin!"

You popped one more kiss on his forehead before he staggered out of your room.

*♡*

You devoured the book Kraglin gave you at an astonishing rate. It was on the last pages, when the door opened and Yondu entered. He is frowning. Maybe stressed.

He settled down beside her on the bed, and wrapped his strong arms around her waist. He relaxed his head into his chest. And threw a leg over yours.

You immediately took your hand to your head, to caress. "Tired, dear?" He muttered a yes. "Kraglin told you why they wasted time with the buyer?" Yondu snuggled even closer to you. "It did. That idiot!" You laughed.

He looked really tired when he asked "Honey… Can you read to me?" Without answering him, you started reading aloud. As a mother would for her child. You felt Yondu relax on top of you. He was sleeping.

You put the book on top of the dresser, and got ready with it on the bed. And then you let tiredness overcome you.

The angry buyer and the lost money were completely forgotten.

[treason-and-plot]

Roy is on his way to the bathroom to check out the triplets' handiwork when Georgina rings him.

"I have some wonderful news to share with you, brother dear," she says.

"Bunty's been diagnosed with repetitive kidney stones syndrome?" says Roy.

"No. Is that even a thing?"

"It's pretty rare, but if you're enough of a bitch it's totally possible for you to be cursed with it for the rest of your natural life," says Roy. "That or terminal amoebic dysentery."

"Ewww," says Georgina. "Can we start this conversation again? This is not the direction I wanted it to go in."

"Killjoy," says Roy. "What's your news?"

"Vinnie and I got married today," says Georgina. She gives a breathless hiccup of laughter. "We eloped to Isla Paradiso! My name is officially Georgina Rourke! Isn't it thrilling?"

"Holy shit," says Roy. "Are you for real? You actually eloped? Wow. That's fucking awesome. Congratulations!"

"Thank you," giggles Georgina.

"Seriously, I'm super stoked for you both," says Roy. "Woah, Georgie. Wait. Does Bunty know?"

"Yeah, I already rang her," says Georgina. "She's the whole reason we eloped in the first place, of course. She insisted on getting involved in the wedding planning and the whole thing was turning into a complete circus. She was making it all about her and her pathetic social status, you know how insufferable she is-"

"So what was her reaction?" says Roy gleefully.

"Well, judging by all the weird noises she was making, I actually think it was a punishment worse than the kidney stones and the dysentery combined," says Georgina.

"You're a monster, Georgina," says Roy admiringly. "Damn."

[deewithani]

Just a quick PSA:

If a cat bites you and breaks the skin, wash the wound with soap and water for 5 minutes, and then seek medical attention.

Seriously.

Cat bites can get very infected very fast.

I'm typing this after taking my 2nd round of Augmentin in a 7 day regimen, and I did not know how serious it could be.

Slightly related: I would like to send a shout out to my kidney for releasing a kidney stone yesterday that sent me to the ER where I told them "Oh, btw, my cat bit me."

[astrosfaerydae]

Love is the Death of Peace of Mind || Chanlix

Chapter 25: I'm no Angel

[wc: 7.6k]

Summary:

Routine? What routine? Everything has been thrown off kilter by their overwhelming grief. They seem to become strangers in their own home but the world still turns regardless of whether they want it to or not. They seem to drift until Felix finally reaches out but he may have gotten more than he bargained for. (Even though he was technically begging for it)

Notes/Tags:

Uhmm so yes here's the porn tags for this chapter cause yea:

First time, blow jobs, anal sex, begging, crying, Felix is a menace as always, Chan is cheesy, unsafe sex(always use protection people!), heavily emphasized consent, Chan is careful possibly too careful

So sorry it took so long to get this out really I apologize 100%! But seriously I'm about to call Sam and Dean to figure out if there's been some curse or something around me cause I've had nothing but bad luck! Since I posted last my step dad passed and he for all intents and purposes was my real dad, a few days after my husband was hospitalized for 5 days for an impacted kidney stone and surgery to remove it, due to that we lost a whole paycheck and that sucked ass still catching up from that and then a few days later my grandpa had a stroke and my mother in law found out she had appendicitis and needed her appendix out. The cherry on top, all this stress has given me a stomach ulcer. Things have calmed down now obviously as I'm posting again so hopefully it stays that way. Soon fingers crossed things will be back to normal and I can knock out 7k in a night like I was doing towards the middle of December that was really nice lol. Thanks for listening to me babel and thanks for being here still and supporting my fic it really means a lot!

[Fic Masterlist]

[headpainmigraine]

Tired and exhausted and angry that so much focus around PCOS is placed on fatness or babies.

How about how about people start treating it like an actual illness.

Honestly hoping for more research to happen about cismen with PCOS so that we can finally uncouple it from ***OvArIeS*** and actually get some medical attention on it that isn't -

'you're fat and its your fault, just work harder than everyone else to lose half the weight they would doing the same thing even though the root cause is PCOS that we don't treat, seriously or medically'

-and-

'you can't have a baby and it's your fault, just spend all this money, time and medication trying to overcome infertility, even though the root cause is PCOS that we don't treat, seriously or medically'

Take metformin for your blood sugar, take statins for your cholesterol, take x for baby, lose weight because you have fatty liver and kidney stones, try electrolysis for hirsutism, take hormones because your periods are out of control

HOW ABOUT!!! The medical field does some actual research into the mechanics behind PCOS instead of just slapping a band aid on all our symptoms, blaming us and blaming our weight???

[rainbowolfe]

Kalamar’s Gamer Pad

[Modern AU]

[The bishops are influencers. Shamura makes video essays and documentaries but is currently taking a break for their mental health. Kallamar and Narinder are Twitch streamers, Kallamar w/ a focus on horror games, and Narinder w/ a focus on FPSs and anything Nintendo-related. You’ll find Heket and Leshy on Youtube and Tiktok; Heket as a fitness and food influencer, while Leshy does vlogs, comedy skits, commentary, and reactions (and really whatever else he wants). Lamb/Lambert is a rising Youtuber who was initially hired to be Narinder’s editor and mod but got dragged into a feud Narinder was having with his siblings. They were to dig up dirt to use as blackmail, but wound up exposing all five of them in an eight-part series with a mix of embarrassing secrets and mild-to-moderate problematic (but mostly forgivable) actions.]

[Ages: Shamura(32), Kallamar(30), Narinder(29), Heket(26), Leshy(24), Lamb(22), Palaal(22), Lulu(31), Hatty(25)]

Heket let out a long, dramatic sigh, leaning back as she did so.

“Do I have to?” She corrected her posture with a lurch forward.

“It’s important to him.” Shamura hummed in reply before taking a sip of their tea.

 “I’m supposed to hang out with Eligos this afternoon! The new Marvel movie comes out today, you know?”

“I’ve heard.”

“It’s bad enough we couldn’t get tickets to the premiere; You want me to get an even later showing? There’s going to be spoilers all over social media! You know how people are nowadays.”

Shamura was not surprised that Heket had thoughtlessly made plans for today. She had once again responded to their survey as “fully available” for the month, not because she actually was, but because she left the default response in every slot.

“You could simply stay off of social media for the day.”

“Yeah?” Heket did a mix of a scoff and a laugh. “And Narinder could simply stop smoking.”

“Hey.”

“What? I’m kidding!”

“It’s not a matter to joke about.”

Heket crossed her arms, attempting to be stubborn, but she knew she had two strikes already. Shamura was looking away from her. They didn’t want to show they were upset, but it was their go-to move, so she knew.

“Fine, whatever. I’ll tell Eligos to reschedule.”

“Thank you,” Shamura mumbled.

What would usually be a natural end to the conversation felt strained and awkward to Heket. She hoped Leshy would pop in, as he always had good timing—it felt almost supernatural sometimes—but the silence continued.

“It wasn’t a jab, you know?” She added.

“Mmhm.”

‘Gods, where’s Leshy?’

Heket scraped her brain for why Kallamar needed an audience. She was sure that if she asked, that would be strike three, and she’d be rewarded with one of Shamura’s scathing lectures. She was going to have to figure it out as the day went on.

She tapped away at her phone, partially pretending to look busy by refreshing the app for tickets.

Leshy finally joined the two down in Shamura’s living room.

“Finally! Were you passing a kidney stone up there?” Heket exclaimed.

“Fuck off, I was taking a shit.” Leshy shot back lightheartedly.

They piled into Leshy’s little car—Shamura in the passenger seat, Heket in the back—and went on their way. She was surprised when Leshy pulled onto the freeway, she assumed they would be picking up Kallamar next. Now she really didn’t know what they were doing today.

-/-/-/-

“Who doesn’t own a hair dryer?”

“Narinder… I don’t have hair.”

“How do I smell?”

Kallamar raised one of his tentacles and placed it near Narinder’s general vicinity. The smell he picked up was faint, but he made a face regardless.

“Better than you did.” He responded as the tentacle slithered back where it belonged. 

Narinder groaned. “Seriously?”

Narinder had arrived early to shower off the evidence that he’d been smoking before Shamura got a whiff of him. He knew they’d hold their tongue—today was Kallamar’s day—but they’d have something to say afterwards if they figured out he wasn’t as clean as he said he was. He was willing to try and hide it, but he felt that blatantly lying to them was crossing a line.

“Why don’t you just switch to vaping? It’s the same garbage without the stench.” Kallamar rolled his eyes.

“Because I’m not a loser. Vapes are lame,” Narinder rolled his eyes right back. “No one looks cool taking a rip off their bright green, raspberry-pussy flavored USB-drives.”

“Oh, is that why you smoke? To look cool?”

Narinder had to admit, that actually was the reason why he started.

“You’re a few decades too late.” Kallamar added. He checked his phone. “Ah, they’re almost here. Come on.”

Narinder got a different, dry towel and threw it over his head to obscure his vision. Kallamar then took him by the hand and led him back through the house to the front door. Normally he wouldn’t indulge such silliness, but Kallamar was doing him a favor by allowing him to come early like this.

And it was impressive that he had bought his own house for him and his partners. Narinder had to give credit where credit was due, even Shamura still lived with roommates. Heket and Leshy lived together in a one-bedroom apartment, and though Narinder was currently playing an extended game of chicken with Lambert over moving in together, they would still be renting. 

Kallamar diminished this achievement (according to some, anyways) by referring to it as a tour of his “gamer pad”, but it was important nonetheless. Narinder would make a conscious effort to reel back his usual teasing and mocking of Kallamar, and he advised Leshy to do the same. He would’ve said something to Heket, but he didn’t want to give her any reason to block his number this week.

He had a friend that managed to get into an early screening of the new Marvel movie coming out, and they slipped him a few recordings of “big” moments sloppily done with their phone. He hid a clip of a major character’s death in the middle of a short, unrelated video, so that once the recipient saw it, it’d be too late to look away. Then she could (and most definitely would) block him.

He didn’t expect Heket to show up. He knew the stupid movie came out today (and knew what time her tickets were for), so he’d be ruining it for her. Her absence would surely dampen Kallamar’s mood, so Narinder felt it was only fair to dampen hers as well. For Kallamar’s sake, he hoped she would prove him wrong today, but he wouldn’t hold his breath.

“Here are the stairs. Be caref—Be careful!”

Kallamar nearly had a heart attack as Narinder sped down the stairs with confidence, somehow making it down without missing a step. He huffed, then began hid descent down at a pace that worked for him.

“I trust that your house is built to-code.” Narinder turned to face Kallamar with a shrug, but instead faced the nearest wall.

“What does that have to do with running down the stairs blind?”

“A good set of stairs are all the same height and length. Once you take the first step, your brain knows where the rest are.”

“…I don’t think that’s true.”

“I made it down the stairs, didn’t I?”

“By sheer luck, maybe.”

Narinder laughed shortly, then paused as Kallamar began to guide him again. He hadn’t thought much about it when he arrived since his mind was preoccupied with other things, but…

“Why did you buy a house with stairs?”

Narinder’s tone wasn’t accusatory, he was genuinely confused. If there was one thing Kallamar complained the most about, it was stairs. Rightfully so. But while he would have trouble finding a house in the area with squid-accessible stairs, there are certainly plenty of one-story homes available. Maybe that’s why he sounded so defensive in his response.

“I just loved this place the most! It’s perfect! Er, aside from the stairs. But that’s it’s only flaw!” He explained. “A flaw that can be corrected with some modifications. Is that not the point of homeownership? To make it your own?”

“Sure.”

“Okay, front entrance! You can take the towel off now.”

Kallamar opened the door. His face lit up with glee when he saw his three other siblings. He called out each of their names as a greeting and proclaimed how happy he was to see them. He really was, he was afraid only Shamura would show up. Narinder gave a single greeting to address all three of them.

“Come in, come in! Welcome to my gamer pad!” Kallamar held the door open.

“How’s the Triforce?” Leshy asked as he passed through the doorway, referring to Kallamar’s three partners.

“Oh, they’re just lovely. Hatty and Lulu are out together, and Palaal’s around, but he’s working. Supposed to be working, anyways.”

The foyer was illuminated with natural light from the tall windows on the front and side walls. On the walls without windows and the hallway leading into the rest of the house were framed posters from various games and movies, some of which were even signed by the voice actors and actors.

The group exchanged hugs and handshakes—Leshy and Narinder’s “secret” handshake seemed to increase in complexity every time they saw each other—and made the usual small talk as they took off their shoes and coats. There were questions about when Narinder arrived and why he was damp, but he gave no solid answers. Though he hated their nosiness regarding his personal relationships, he namedropped Lambert as bait to change the subject, and they took it.

“I didn’t know you were doing another content house.” Heket suddenly commented, causing even the conversations she wasn’t apart of to grind to a halt. “Who else is staying here? Anyone I know?”

“…what?” Kallamar stared in confusion. “I’m… not? This is my house.”

“My gods, are you crazy? Renting a place this huge? You might as well buy the damn place.”

“I did?”

“What?”

“What?” He parroted back with a different intonation.

“…you bought a house!?”

Shamura and Leshy sighed.

“Yeah, that’s why I—”

“That’s amazing! Congratulations!” Heket clapped her hands together. She was sincerely excited now that she knew, but also didn’t want to leave any space for the others to question how she didn’t know already. “I can’t believe it! Well, I can, your RSS feed’s always got something new in it. You’re a hit!”

Kallamar could’ve harped on her not knowing. Tt did somewhat hurt his feelings. He opted not to, however. He thanked her warmly and moved forward.

He turned with a flourish and began to lead the way down the main hallway.

“I’ll make this very quick! Let us commence the tour,” He announced. “I know you all have busy lives, and I really appreciate you all coming! Don’t worry, this wasn’t just for the sake of attention. There’s something in it for you,”

The left wall in the spacious hallway was different. It had been painted matte black from floor to ceiling. Kallamar picked up a plastic bag that had been sitting up against the wall. He reached into it and pulled out a handful of white Sharpies of varying thickness.

“I wanted you all to be the first names on my guest wall!”

Kallamar frequently hosted parties and other gatherings, and the day he saw a similar concept, he dreamed of having one of his own. When people visited for the first time, they could sign their name on the wall like a guestbook. His siblings eagerly did so.

Leshy wrote his name with a standard-sized sharpie, and then his simple logo under it. Heket signed hers in big, blocky letters that she then filled in with stripes and dots. Narinder used the thickest sharpie available to sign his, placing a pair of cat ears above the “e” as he often did. Finally, Shamura signed their name in cursive, not nearly as large as everyone else. They had to go over it again to make up for their normally light handwriting.

Seeing all their names together filled Kallamar with unimaginable joy. He continued the tour passed the stairway (which he promptly justified again) and into the living-dining room, which certainly screamed “gamer pad”. The curtains were closed so that the LED lighting slowly shifting through the rainbow could properly set the vibe. There was additional lighting that provided actual visibility without overpowering the colored lights.

The blocky, red and black couch, the massive TV mounted on the wall, the side tables being held up by out-stretched hands, the tablecloth with a pattern of blood splatters, and the handful of beanbag chairs splayed out somehow worked in cohesion despite no obvious common thread. Maybe it was the Dead by Daylight themed rug in the center of the room. The posters in this room weren’t framed, but they were plentiful, alternating spaces on the walls with decals depicting some of Kallamar’s preferred perk-loadouts. Shelves on either side of the TV held minor collectibles Kallamar didn’t mind losing if a guest got a little handsy.

“This is the living-dining room! The place where everyone’s kind of free to gather. It’s equipped with surround sound!” Kallamar gestured. “It’s not setup yet, but there’s a working photo booth! Isn’t that so vintage?”

“Aaah… you’ve already painted?” Shamura observed. “It’s very… bold.”

Kallamar had indeed painted the walls a royal purple with the help of Lulu and Palaal. The ceiling was also purple, albeit a less saturated shade.

“The red and purple work, surprisingly.” Leshy hummed as he took it all in. It wasn’t how he’d decorate, but he thought it looked well-enough.

“Yes, yes. I wanted to color code the house. Purple means anyone can be in here.” Kallamar explained. “Though, we have a lot more painting to do, this room was the most important to finish first.”

“Huh. Not bad, brother.” Narinder said. “Gaudy, just like you.”

“I won’t dignify that with a response.”

“You just did.”

Kallamar made a noise of defeat. He ushered them deeper into the house, showing off the spacious kitchen equipped with a pantry (painted blue to mean “you can come in here if you need to”), and then the second living room (painted maroon to mean “invite only”). This second living room was sectioned off with a sliding glass door. Though it had a similar vibe and setup to the first living room with its massive TV and variety of consoles, instead of merchandise and quirky décor, it contained photos of Kallamar, his partners, and his family on the walls and atop of every surface. There was a box containing more photos already in frames, waiting for more shelving and wall mounts to be installed.

“This is our personal living room.” He said as he slid the door open.

The group went quiet for a moment as they entered and looked around.

“Awww, when was this taken?” Heket cooed, moving closer to a particular photo.

“No clue. Hatty found it hidden on the bookshelf while we were packing.” Kallamar shrugged.

The picture depicted the five siblings as teenagers, dressed in formalwear. Despite their fancy clothing, the photo was taken in the midst of chaos, everyone slightly blurry as they reacted to something out of frame. Narinder began to laugh.

“Look at your face!” He pointed out Heket’s goofy, shocked expression.

“My face? Look at yours! And your fluffed up tail too,”

While Kallamar was initially in a rush to do the tour, he relaxed as he realized everyone was enjoying themselves. No one seemed disinterested or anxious to leave for once.

“Ah, ah. I remember.” Shamura suddenly interjected amidst the younger trio’s teasing of each other. “This is from Kallamar and Narinder’s prom. On the boat? We were boarded and hijacked by terrorists.”

A long ‘ohhh’ came from all four of them in unison. No wonder the photo had been hidden away. That year prom was held on a yacht. Shamura came as a chaperone, Heket tagged along as Narinder’s “plus one”, and Leshy snuck aboard with the aid of Shamura.

“Terrorists” may have been a strong word for what those hijackers were, but they did ruin prom. Kallamar was by-far the most upset by what happened, even years later when what was a fairly terrifying situation became a funny story shared as an icebreaker. It was really Kallamar’s prom after all, Narinder was just a junior. He got to go to a prom the next year that was very fun and wasn’t invaded by pirates.

Once everyone got their fix of looking at old photos and reminiscing, the house tour continued. The rest of it was less of a “gamer pad” and more of a normal house, for now at least.

“The recreation room is through those doors, but right now it’s just the room we’re keeping all the boxes.” Kallamar gave a short chuckle. “But through this door,” He pushed it open and stepped outside. “Is the natural swimming pool!”

He paused for the ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’, which he received. Along with a comment from Narinder paired with agreement from Heket.

“You mean, a pond?”

“NO. It’s different!” Kallamar insisted.

“How?”

“Er… Ponds… are for nature. They’re decorative.”

“Ponds are living ecosystems that maintain themselves. Interference from people can make one clean enough to swim in.” Shamura chimed in. “A natural swimming pool, on the other hand, is just a regular pool kept clean without chemicals.”

The pool was on the smaller end, nothing fit for a large group. But Kallamar didn’t intend to use it for events, this door was slated to be painted red. The walls and ceiling tapered off and blended seamlessly into the path leading into what would be the garden, but was currently just a large patch of grass and dirt.

“Okay, back inside. There’s really only two other rooms I wish to show off.” Kallamar said.

He led the group back the way they came to the main hallway, this time taking them up the stairs. All the while pointing out various features of the house that didn’t need a dedicated stop, like the closets and bathrooms:

“There’s a half-bath halfway up the stairs here, isn’t that queer?”

“I’m thinking of commissioning a mural to put on that wall, so that’s why it’s so bare.”

“I forget which ones which, but this series of doors are Hatty’s, Lulu’s, and Palaal’s rooms.”

“There’s three bathrooms up here, plus the master one. Can you believe that?”

He finally came to the next stop on the tour, situated next to a large, bay window that looked out into the backyard.

“And heeere’s… my office!” He flung the door open with a flourish.

The gamer pad was in full swing in here. Though the LEDs were off in favor of letting in natural light, the vibes didn’t need their assistance. The door would be painted red with the rest, but the walls in this room were painted a bright shade of green. All but one wall had a black, checkboard pattern layer on top of the green, each square a little over a foot long and wide.

There was, of course, his ocean-themed gaming computer that made it look like there were fish swimming through the parts. Lots of recording equipment (cameras, lights, etc) was both setup and placed aside for later use. The floor was carpeted, but was almost completely covered with a massive, light blue rug. On the opposite side of the room was a second computer, one intended for editing. And between them, there was just enough space for a Nugget couch in a pale shade of green.  

“This looks exactly the same as your old office.” Heket said, feigning to be unimpressed, but mostly just messing with him.

“No! It’s totally different! Look, I painted!” Kallamar gestured wildly. “And it’s less cramped,”

“Ah. I’m sorry. This looks like a slightly more spacious version of your old office.”

As Heket and Kallamar went back and forth about the differences in décor and styles of the old and new office, Shamura went to sit down. They had a sense for how long those two would go on after all these years, and it was long enough that they’d take the chance to rest their legs.

“Don’t sit on that.” Narinder said when he noticed.

Shamura paused mid-squat. “Why not?”

“You don’t know about Nugget couches?”

They straightened up, unsure if they were now being messed with. “I can’t say I do. What’s wrong with them, pray tell?”

“They absolutely have sex on that thing.”

Shamura and Leshy both snickered at the same time, Shamura more out of surprise than anything.

Kallamar sputtered mid-sentence, akin to a verbal keyboard smash, before he could respond. “What!? We do not!”

“You. Are a liar.” Narinder then looked at Shamura. “They’re modular couches for children, but they happen to be great for sex,” He looked back at Kallamar. “And unless there’s a secret child you’ve been hiding from us…”

“I got it from a sponsorship! It’s a cute couch, is it not? A cute, free couch!”

“I’d be more inclined to believe you if it wasn’t in your office.” Heket joined the conversation after processing what had been said.

“It’s too small to go in the living rooms and it doesn’t fit the theme. I stuck it in here because there was space.”

“Sooo, you don’t use it, then? It’s just a space filler?” Leshy asked.

“Yes, exactly.”

“Can I have it?”

Well, now Kallamar was cornered. He wanted to say ‘no’, but it would confirm their accusation. His silence goes unnoticed as the banter continues.

“Why do you want a used sex couch?” Heket laughed.

“Well, it’s not used according to him. Those things are great to sleep on, there’s one at the library.”

“Wasn’t there another stop on the tour?” Shamura chimed in, coming to Kallamar’s rescue as they often did.

“OH! Yes, yes, the most important stop, I almost forgot!” Kallamar jumped at the chance to change the subject. “Lets go everyone, don’t get comfortable.”

Leshy and Heket tittered to each other about the couch as they all were shooed out the room. Kallamar took them further down the hall where they seemed to be storing more boxes waiting to be unpacked. He turned and waited for them to stop chattering amongst themselves, which they do surprisingly quickly.

“Right about here I’d like to get a partition installed, somewhere down the road. It’d give the guest rooms… your rooms… a bit more privacy.”

There was a moment of silence. It’s broken by Shamura’s uncharacteristic squeal of excitement.

“Aww, Kally!” They surged forward and trapped Kallamar in a tight hug. “Did you really…?”

His other siblings had similar things to say about this pleasant surprise. Excited chatter filled the hall.

“Is this your way of inviting us to move in?” Narinder asked, eyebrow raised.

“No.” Kallamar replied, maybe a bit too quickly. “They’re just if… if you guys wanted to visit…! Stay for a few days, or a few weeks. Or if you end up needing somewhere to go, I guess you could move in. And during the holidays too!”

“Look at you, trying to act stand-offish.” Heket grinned. “Get over here!”

Now it was her turn to smother the little squid in a hug(one that was bordering on a headlock). Maybe it was worth missing her movie to see Kallamar’s “gamer pad”.

“This is perfect. You can just move that Nugget couch into my room here!” Leshy chortled.

“Oh my god.” Was all Kallamar had to say to him.

When they went back downstairs, the group noticed the smell of meat wafting through the hallways.

“Would any of you care for a snack before you left?” Kallamar asked.

“Who else is here?” Heket mumbled mostly to herself.

Leshy reminded her that Palaal was said to be around, though none of them had seen him. Narinder was already walking back towards the kitchen.

“Aaah, do we have time to spare?” Shamura directed their question mainly to Heket. “I’m rather peckish, but I wouldn’t want to keep you…”

“We can stay longer.”

And off Shamura went before she could finish her sentence. In the kitchen, Narinder and Palaal were having their usual level of exchange.

“It’s strange of you to sneak around your own house.” Narinder said.

“Maaaybe,”

“Maybe?”

“But I like people’s reaction when they discover—Surprise! I’ve been here the whole time,”

He grabbed a taquito off the tray Palaal held. “Well, Kallamar told us you were here.”

“Awww, really? Shame.” Palaal gave a mock pout. “Well, thanks for the pity-reaction.”

The pout became a barely-contained smile as the two of them held extended eye contact. Narinder’s ear twitched. Palaal broke the eye contact to greet the others.

“Hey Darling! Shamura! I made taquitos!”

“May I?” Shamura was more hungry than they previously admitted.

“Of course!”

[popculturebuffet]

Sam and Max Beyond Time and Space Retrospective: Moai Better Blues (Patreon Review for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy freelance police and welcome back to my look at the sam and max telltale games! We're onto season 2 episode 2. After a little christmas in august we're having a science fiction double feature for halloween as this review ended up behind due to a new member of the family.

This is Maddie. She's 5, she's precious, she's very loud , and she's very attached to me.

But even new fluffy good girls with spangly collars can't stop the march of sam and max.

Following up from our heroes adventures in the north pole, this ep finds our heroes dealing with an adventure that's weird even by sam and max standards. And I want to let that sink in because we spent last season stopping a child star hynosis crime ring, starring in a one episode sitcom with a british chicken don knotts, inflitrating a mafia chuck e cheese, running for president against a horny lincoln memorial, murdering the internet and finally facing down with a sentient plankton colony via psychic powers and magic tricks on the moon. And that's not even getting into that guy who would never put his hands down. What was his deal?

So what lies in the greatest mountain of sam and max madness? Stoned Moai, triangular portals, sea monkeys, ghost godlfish, baby jimmy hoffa and horny statue love triangles. So join me under the cut for the madness.

We open with our heroes returning from the North Pole a month after the previous game, with it now snowing, providing a nice atmosphere to things. Before they can get back to the usual banter some fresh nonsense comes in: A triangle chasing their beloved friend Sybil.

It has a neat design too, red, pulsating with lines... it's an excellent triangle all things considered. B+

At any rate we need to stop it, so we go to the wisest sage for weird shit there is: Bosco. It's a nice way to keep him still useful while not having him be one of your item guys. Bosco is getting ready to bunker down from T.H.E.M.

But tells our hero their new foe is a bermuda triangle, an eldtirch shape that sucks people up to another place, and can only be stopped with most of the shapes. Most.. never come into play and are just for a good joke, like blue polyheadrons making them really want to roll them dice and maybe start a live play with a dungeon master with long hair and the voice of god.

The important one is red hexagons stop them.. and the game was REALLY unhelpful with this one. I did have my hints flavor blasted up to the maximum max could do without bursting a kidney.. but he just kept saying the shape and outright told me to go back to the office.. where it entirely wasn't. WE do have a new trophy though, boxing betty. So.. that's nice?

The solution lies in Stinky's diner, where i'd gone earlier since the Cops can't do buisness over the sound of screaming. Amateurs. Stinky can though even with the racket outisde and gives us a granite sandwitch that i'm pretty sure just.. sat in my inventory all chapter. Seriously you don't relaly use it for anything even when you think it'd be obvious like replacing a stone max's ear, and it's more just to set up getting a basalt sandwich from her later. It's on the kid's menu only though.

She is useful in that she has a stop sign for you and with some spray paint from your headquaters, you can make it deep red. Before we go though another beloved supporting character makes a cameo: Flint Paper. I just love how despite being grizzly and willing to beat up random strangers for money, as are we, Flint just.. cheerfully greets our heroes with a hey fellas every time. He's just so happy to see our heroes and they have a deep genuine admiration for him. Like with Sybil in the first episodes, it's nice to see someone our heroes actually like and unlike Sybil, it's nice to see there's at least one person they haven't traumtized. Yet. He's watching Bosco for Bosco's Mom who'se understandably worried about her son because you know, his whole deal.

For now though we go to stop the triangle in the name of love... only for hilariously this all to be mostly pointless as once Sybil stops, Abe shows up , gets sucked in and she goes after him. It's off to Easter Island!

Turns out Sybil and Lincoln are fine and are just enjoying the nice weather. Once again.. this is a dead end puzzle wise as the two are just there to move their subplot along. Unlike the sandwich though, it's at least entertaning.. and mildly creepy as Abe perves on one of the moai present.

Why the bermuda triangle lead to easter island.. is not something we'll be getting into here. What matters is the moai see sam and max as their savior. Well the middle one, a kindly lady moai abe's creeping ion, is. The left one has half his face buried and is contstantly upset, projecting storm clouds when pissed off that are naturally useful, and the right one is

And is largely useless, mostly just sniping at you.

Each has a power of the elements: Rain for the buried one, wind for the nice one and earth for the pedantic douchebag. The fire one was sadly was scattered to the winds long ago, but he did leave behind a son at least to carry on his legacy

At any rate before we can use the powers of nature itself for fun and profit, we have some problems: As it turns out the nearbye volcano is about to erupt and murder them all due to some understandable but tragic errors

Problem is someone's guarding his lair... and if you haven't played the game yourself, I warn you: You are not remotely ready. I sure wasn't. So whose in our heroes way? Why it's Jimmy HOffa in the body of a baby!

Yeah... look I love Sam and Max for being so gloriously weird. Weird as hell is one of my faviorite kinds of humor as long as their's direction behind the chaos. But It's still easily the biggest what the fuck moment the franchise has thrown me so far and that's with this happening last chapter

Granted I got spoiled there is some sort of payoff to the Mariachis via a thumbnail, and there is some actual logic behind this.. but even for this franchise "Jimmy Hoffa whose in the body of an infant because he drank too much from the fountain of youth pointing a gun at yoU" is a bit much. And more to the point they NEVER explain why he's working for the episodes big bad.

I.. can't help but love it though BECAUSE it's such a uniquely stupid swing: they had this idea, found a way to have it logically make sense and then put it in the game in full, all while giving us a ton of great jokes as Sam cannot ressit teasing him on the fact he's a baby.

We'll deal with this teamster later, for now we meet the other rugrats on this island: Amelia Earheart, DB Cooper, and The LIndburgh Baby... .

Their mostly here to set up a surfboarding mini game which frustrated me. It's not the game itself, it's a fun enough little distraction if fairly hard to get the analogue controls down on my switch version. It felt like the kind of browser game i'd play as a kid.

My annoyance.. is that the game dosne't tell you that you get nothing for it until you've triggered the right story event. So I went through the whole thing for nothing. Thankfully I also enabled mini game skipping.... I still will TRY not to use it often as these are part of the game and thus need to be evaluated as much as the point and click parts, but in this case i'd already done the actual task so when it asked me to again. As for why again, the trick to getting rid of our little friend involves serving him a drink, using a tiki glass you can pick up at the bar those dumb babies are at. But he'll only take union waitstaff, so you have to play the game to get cerfitied by him. IT makes about as much sense as it sounds. Ah back to normal for this franchise.

To actually do anything though we need some fountain of youth water unfortunately there's something in it

So to take care of them we have to complete a few other tasks

First is the COPS. As i'm guessing is standard for every chapter,we have another driving VR Game from them, this time a fun rythum based one with the beats going as you drive on them. THey thought it'd change the world.. those poor dumb bastards. It's clearly a jab at guitar hero, but it's a decent challenge while still being a lot of fun.

With that we get a car horn and that's the key to our next puzzle: We need to help Glenn Miller, a wwII era band leader whose also now a baby, stage his comback by giving him that new sound he's been looking for. Since the horn plays i've been workin on the railroad, it's just the ticket. He just needs a whistle sound, which you easily get by dumping some gasoline disguised as a drink into a nearbye fire, setting off a tea kettle. He gives you a conch with the single recorded on it. Apparently The Bermuda Triangles also visited skypeia.

Using the dial, we can finally solve our pirahana puzzle.. in theory. In practice it's utterly frustrating if you can't figure out the trick, not helped by Max CONSITENTLY telling me to use the thunder storm moai.

Breaking it down: using the glen miller dial conch, you play it for the nice moai, which gets her whistling. Now when you tick off her half buried friend next to you, which naturally max does with ease and maybe too much glee.. in fact i'm starting a " Going to Hell For This" counter, for each time we ruin someone's life, torture them or what have you to progress, or just for funzies, as we did it a LOT last season and so far have done it a lot. Now I"ll make acceptions for say outright villians or people who deserve it. And even then it'/s about proportions. For example, pelting the soda poppers with urine and bleach? Acceptable, their the soda poppers. Need I say more. But even if Jimmy Two Teeth sucks a LOTTT, nearly driving him to unalive himself is a bit much, not helped by Max's reaction essentially being

He certainly thought it hard enough. So we'll count that one, still keeping leonard hostage after almost a year, sending santa to hell (even if he was possesed), and not bothering to actually help save christmas. So going into this episode we have

Things We're Going To To Hell For: 4 And we can add from this episode taunting that poor moai.

Things We're Going to Hell Fort: 5

So I assumed both from the hint ONLY mentoing the moai , who creates a little storm cloud when uspet and the wind we were supposed to blow it at jimmy hoffa. Instead... it does nothing. It just dissipates if blown too far and never gets near him. Instead we use the portals, which are frustrating as the game makes it clear the two near the entrance are connected.. but dosen't make it clear EVERY portal is connected this way.

The solution is to open one by the fountain of youth, then open another next to the underground moai, have the good moai blow the cloud and boom, a LOT of dead pirhanas and a free fountain of youth. Also

Things We're Going To Hell For: 6

And with that we can use the glass to scoop some up, give it to hoffa... and blink him out of existance. THings We're Going To Hell For: Still 6 (He Deserved It Yo) It's REALLY sad when killing someone by making them age themselves out of existance isn't the worst thing we've done today. Or even this month.

This event also moves along Sybil's subplot for the season and who boy. Strap yourselves in because I haven't seen a character nosedive this fast in many moons. So the whole episode, Abe and Sybil have been picnicking, only doing that on Abe's suggestion.. and only so he can oggle the middle good moai. Yeah after several episodes of at worst being out of touch and mildly annoying.. abe's somehow lept straight to the bottom and is perving on someone right in front of his girlfriend and THEN asks her to have plastic surgery to look more like the moai.

Sybil runs off in tears.. and SOMEHOW, SOMEHOW, this gets worse... as Abe THEN tries to hit on the moai. To her credit she shoots him down fast and we get a great response out of him, a casual "that's fair". So he's still funny he's just WAY more of an asshat. I mean granted we just committed two murders in a row, so i'd SAY we can't judge.. but those murders were to save a LOT of lives from death and were of a bunch of fish and a murderous infant man.

Anyways with this we enter our final puzzle set, continuing from the formula laid out last time. Sadly.. they also fall into a fairly trite, terrible stereotype. It's forgivable enough for the time.. but it's still pretty tone deaf. I can't blame them for fixing it as unlike the various lines corrected for save the world, this is a large part of the plot and thus really coudn't be futzed with.. but it's still not great.

Okay so for our final stretch our heroes run into your standard tone deaf "the natives are stupid and belivie anything is their god" plot only this time it's sea monkeys.

Yeah.. they.. really coudl've thought this one out a bit more. We have to convince them max is their god/chosen one/whatever instead, in order to replace an old advesary: Mr. Spatula, sam and max's goldfish whose mad he's died and thus is willing to take an island with him. Now you may recall, even if I didn't name him last time, he died. And he did. THIS IS HIS GHOST.

So to prove ourselves we have to do three tasks. The first is easy and I stumbled into accidently: We have to make the water into BANANG!, an energy drink powder bosco happens to have a lot of.

To get it away from him, we have to torment him.. again. This time we simply radio in, claim to be THEM

And Bosco goes deeper underground, there's too much panic in this town. So we got the powder.. but we also traumtized a friend for life so

Things We're Going To Hell For: 7

Next is adding an ear to a rock formation that looks like max. Once again the sandwitch is useless.. except as a clue. We finally need that basalt sandwitch for kidz, so it's time to use the fountain of youth water on ourselves.. and ONCE AGAIN the game gets frustrating as you transform back very fast from drinking it. The trick is to use a gong I honestly forgot about in Stinky's diner max reminded me of. I can't tell if I just suck at adventure games or this is poor level design.

Anyways we get the Basalt and get a really funnys equence with douchecanoe moai as it turns out dude just needed to blaze it and basalt gets moai REALLY good and fucked up. With that he casually laughs and dislodges a stalctite we use to finish the max.

We then finish this section. The stone feet of the buried moai are needed to anoit us. Also yes they have hands and arms stuck in there. We simply use the shell again, this time on a portal next to the best moai , she whistles, he taps his toes and we win. Kinda.

Problem is the island's still errupting with Mr Spatula planning to take us with it. The only way to stop it? Some clever puzzlery. We get a high preist medallion from the Sea Monkeys, dip it in some red slime, then shoot the triangle, using the portals to send the red triangle through it , eating the lava.. and presumibly murdering someone but we won't worry about that. Our ride home is gone though but Abe offers a lift while the moai celebrate.. before being sad they can't move. Then their abducted by what seems to be aliens!

Moai Better Blues... is a very mixed bag. The writing as usual is hilarious, and while it's a very

Sort of chapter, it's a FUNNY sort of what the fuck is this, from the various babies, to the black comedy shenanigans as usual, to our heroes riding out on Lincoln's head. It continues episode 1's mean streak, but the weirder setting and more over the top weird black comedy bits like unexistinsing hoffa help it feel far less opressive than last time. The deaths and what we do to bosco are way more over the top. Even abe and sybil's breakup, acompained by the mysterious maraichi's, is more funny than genuinely sad. I DO feel bad for Sybil, but abe is such a dick and he gets karmically punished for it as the moai lady SHARPLY rejects him, multiple times if you want, and he looses Sybil.

Gameplay wise.. it's a lot more obtuse. A lot more relying either on memory (Which isn't good for me but is at least fair) or hoping you figure it out and with most of the max clues being way less helpful. It's a pretty meh chapter all things considered and hopefully as we get spooky next time, we also get back to our quality. Speaking of which

Next Time: VAMPIRES! Just in time for the season. And since it's the 2000's their angsty emo eurotrash vampires! Oh BoY! Thanks for reading!

[anxious-scrambles]

Seriously guys, when are we gonna get some pirates/angels/demons/vampires/idk some other shenanigans going on on the TV because I’m giving myself kidney stones sitting here waiting.

[reliccipher]

Is there even a fuckin evolutionary purpose to cramps or is that just for funny haha human torment

I've been facing kidney stone level pain since I was 12 and no matter how many times professionals say that its normal you cannot convince me that this level of pain is NORMAL. I really hope they just mean "normal" as in "You don't need to go to the hospital" because there is no way that there's nothing going on here? Do doctors just think I'm exaggerating? Is this just a socialization issue and they're just trying to reassure me that I'm not dying and I'm misinterpreting it to mean "everything is fine"? Are the doctors in my area just idiots? Or is it a "we really can't do anything here, just keep taking naproxen or whatever as normal" kinda thing? Do I have endometriosis?? Is it too hard to diagnose it for certain and my doctors aren't bothering, or am I not complaining enough about it? I genuinely don't know. I just don't think this is completely normal.

I've had kidney stones before. I've had to help take care of my dad when he gets them, because getting those on top of his chronic pain makes it a struggle to even get out of bed. It is genuinely one of the worst kinds of pain to get. I have been taking ibuprofen and/or naproxen for the pains ASAP when I even see a little bit of blood or feel the start of cramping. I've been doing that for so long that I forgot how bad it was, so when my cramps started in the middle of the day when I had no access to any kind of meds some months back, the horrifying reality of what I had been going through had finally set in, taking the full force of the pain with nothing to combat it, and it was just as bad as kidney stones. Made worse since it hit me in a crowded fuckin mall with people looking at me weird but I don't want to get into that mess. I just cannot believe when someone tries to tell me THAT is normal, that everything is fine, nothing to worry about, nothing to even look into.

I'm scared to even think about how the pain could be worse than this, because I know that's possible. I'm scared of the idea that something could be seriously wrong here and it's getting ignored because I'm not being taken seriously or because I'm not complaining enough about it. I hate the idea that this is just somehow "normal". Even if I wasn't trans I'd want to get this stupid fucking organ out of my body so I don't have to suffer like that. I really wish I could just get it removed already, its just too fucking much for me, man. That's not gonna happen any time soon though since I can hardly even afford blood tests. I mean, hell, I need to get a (full body, likely) MRI and that's been shoved to the side for years now because my family just can't afford it. A whole surgery like that is nothing but a pipe dream right now.

Sorry for the long rambling bs about this shit but I need to scream into the void about this, I already had therapy this week so I can't talk about it there lol. IDK maybe someone knows what its like or can tell me "yeah that's not normal your doctors suck" or something.

[punkpinkpower]

I spent the majority of my childhood and adolescence trying to convince the adults around me that something was indeed wrong (sometimes chronic things like my autism, pcos and incredibly painful periods, and CIRS from mold, sometimes acute things like my kidney stones, or the cold and flu, or my multiple knee injuries) and that I was in fact ill and deserving of care and rest.

And the majority of the adults in my life spent my childhood and adolescence trying to deprogram me of those ideas by always asking "Are you really that sick?"

Parents, teachers, doctors, instead of taking me seriously just kept asking if I was really sick. Surely, that many things couldn't be wrong with this child all the time. She just doesn't want to go to school/work/activity/fun thing and is faking.

Here I am, on day 9 of battling a sever upper respiratory infection (not covid, somehow?) that turned itself into a deep chest bronchitis in record speed and I'm just starting to feel better or like even a little capable of doing anything. And here I am, asking myself if I was really that sick that I couldn't do the chores, work, cook.

As a child I respected my body and its need to be cared for and healed. As an adult, I have a much harder time remembering this when I get this sick. All I hear is all of those adults doubting me for years and years and years.

I wish we treated health and illness differently than we do.