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Hope
~ Chapter 32 ~
Summary: Dean and Sam Winchester save a young woman —Natalie Johnson, from a coven of witches who are after her deceased grandmothers spell book. At first Dean doesn’t trust her, will he ever? Natalie is just simply a woman who gets roped up in the supernatural world from a mistake her grandmother made.
Pairing: Dean x OC
Warning: Age gap, slow burn, smut, language, gore.
Word Count: 1,983
A/N: This is probably my last chapter for the night! I’ll try to post some tomorrow but I’m not making any promises. Please feel free to leave comments! Happy reading! ♥️
Natalie had spent the last week barely existing. She called off work, not even bothering with a real excuse. The fake doctor's note she typed up, claiming she had the flu, was more convincing than the truth she was running from. In reality, she was just stuck—emotionally and mentally drained. She hadn't eaten much, hadn't slept well, and her days blurred together in a fog of isolation. Her only company was the background noise of Friends, a comfort show that didn't even bring comfort anymore, just a distraction from the swirling thoughts in her mind.
Wrapped up in her oversized Beavis and Butthead T-shirt, black pajama shorts, and Scooby-Doo house shoes she couldn't bring herself to take off, Natalie was a far cry from her usual self. She groaned as the doorbell rang, dreading the thought of human interaction. It wasn't until she opened the door that her mood shifted slightly.
There stood Dean, his expression a mix of determination and something softer—concern. He took one look at her, and despite the weight of everything that had happened, he couldn't help but smile a little. She looked comically out of place in her mismatched outfit, especially those ridiculous Scooby-Doo slippers.
"We're doing something today," Dean said, his voice firm but not unkind. He looked her over again, shaking his head in mild disbelief, but then softened. "We don't have to go out if you don't want to. Maybe a movie? Some popcorn? Just hang out. Whatever you want. But we're not doing this anymore," he gestured to her, the sadness in his eyes telling her that he hated seeing her like this.
Natalie blinked, the offer catching her off guard. She hadn't expected anyone, especially not Dean, to come by and try. In that moment, her heart swelled with emotions she didn't know she'd been bottling up. He was here. He cared. And he was trying to pull her out of the dark place she'd been sinking into.
She wanted to cry—not because of the trauma, but because of him. Because he had shown up when she didn't even know she needed someone. The sight of him standing there, offering a simple moment of normalcy, meant more than she could ever express.
She swallowed back the tears, forcing herself to smile at him. "Yeah, I think I'd like that."
Dean gave her a nod, a small smile of his own tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Good. Go shower, I'll pick the movie."
Natalie padded back to her room, feeling a sense of relief that she hadn't realized she needed. She stepped into the shower, letting the hot water run over her, washing away the layers of numbness she'd been carrying for days. As the steam filled the bathroom, she felt like she could finally breathe again, just a little. Dean was here. She wasn't alone.
When she emerged from the shower, dressed in fresh, comfortable clothes, her hair still damp, she found Dean in the living room, already making himself at home. He had a bag of popcorn on the table, and the TV remote in his hand. On the screen, the opening credits to The Princess Bride were rolling.
"You picked The Princess Bride?" Natalie asked, raising an eyebrow as she plopped down on the couch next to him.
Dean shrugged, a playful smirk on his face. "What? It's a classic. Plus, it's got sword fights and romance. Thought it'd cover all the bases."
Natalie chuckled, shaking her head as she reached for a handful of popcorn. "You're such a dork."
"Yeah, well, so are you," Dean shot back, glancing down at her Scooby-Doo slippers with a raised brow. "You ready?"
Natalie smiled for the first time in what felt like forever. "Yeah, I'm ready."
They settled into the couch, the lightheartedness of the movie filling the room, and for a few hours, the darkness that had been lingering in her mind faded. Dean was there, beside her, and for once, the world didn't feel so heavy. He didn't need to say much—just being there, making her feel like herself again, was enough.
As the movie played, Natalie found herself leaning into him, her head resting on his shoulder. Dean didn't flinch or pull away, didn't make a joke about it. Instead, he shifted just slightly, allowing her to get more comfortable.
In that moment, Natalie realized that this was what healing looked like. It wasn't about forgetting what had happened or pretending it didn't matter. It was about finding the small moments of peace, the people who cared enough to sit beside you, even when you were at your lowest.
And for that, she was grateful. Dean had become more than just her friend, more than just someone she hunted with. He was her anchor, the one person who could pull her out of the dark, even when she didn't know how to ask for it.
As the credits rolled, neither of them moved. They stayed there, in the quiet of the room, content just to be with each other. Dean had brought her back from the edge, and in doing so, reminded her that she wasn't alone.
And that? That meant everything.
When the credits finished rolling , Natalie stayed close to Dean, feeling a rare sense of calm wash over her. For the first time in days, she didn't feel the overwhelming weight of what had happened pressing down on her. She wasn't fixed, not by a long shot, but sitting there with Dean, watching a silly movie and eating popcorn, had reminded her that life didn't stop just because she was hurting.
She sat up a little, turning to look at him, the warmth from his presence still grounding her. "I kinda do want to go out tonight," she said, her voice soft but more confident than it had been all week. "If you're still up for it. Maybe a bar or something?"
Dean blinked, surprised by the shift in her tone, but he quickly smiled, that easy, charming smile that she'd come to rely on. "Whatever you want."
Natalie smiled back, a small but genuine curve of her lips. She could feel the nerves rising in her chest at the thought of going out again, of stepping back into the world that had felt so dangerous just a week ago. But if she was going to reclaim any sense of normalcy, she had to start somewhere. And the fact that Dean would be with her made it feel... safer.
"Alright," she said, standing up and brushing her hands over her jeans. "Let me get dressed. I'll be quick."
Dean watched her head to her room, his eyes soft with a quiet sense of pride. He knew it took a lot for her to want to go out after what she'd been through. But Natalie was tough—always had been. And he'd be there with her, no matter what.
While Natalie got ready, Dean cleaned up the popcorn and grabbed his jacket, his thoughts drifting to how much had changed between them. There was a time when he hadn't thought twice about Natalie. He'd written her off as just someone he had to protect, too green for this life. But now? Now, he saw her strength in a way he hadn't before. And it made him care about her more than he ever expected.
Natalie reappeared a few minutes later, dressed in a simple black shirt and jeans, her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. She looked a little more like herself, even if the faint shadows of what she'd been through still lingered in her eyes.
Dean grinned, nodding in approval. "You clean up pretty good."
Natalie rolled her eyes but smiled, the familiar teasing between them comforting. "Let's get out of here before I change my mind."
They headed to the Impala, the night air cool and crisp as they drove toward a bar just on the outskirts of town. It wasn't anything fancy—just a small, laid-back place with good music and cold beer. It was exactly what Natalie needed: a break from reality, but nothing overwhelming.
When they walked into the bar, the low hum of conversation and music greeted them. It wasn't too crowded, which was a relief to Natalie. She felt her anxiety ease as she looked around, seeing nothing but normal people enjoying a Friday night. For a moment, it felt like she could breathe again.
Dean led her to the bar, ordering them both beers before they found a table in the back. He glanced over at her, making sure she was still comfortable, and when she smiled at him, he knew she was okay.
They sat there for a while, sipping their drinks and falling into easy conversation. It wasn't about the trauma or the hunts—it was just normal, light-hearted banter. Dean told a few of his ridiculous stories from the road, and Natalie found herself laughing for what felt like the first time in forever.
After a while, Dean leaned back in his chair, watching her with a small smile. "You doing alright?" he asked, his tone casual but the concern behind it clear.
Natalie met his gaze, and for the first time since that night, she felt like she could answer honestly. "Yeah," she said softly, her fingers tracing the rim of her beer bottle. "I'm getting there. Tonight helps. You help."
Dean's smile softened, something warm flickering in his eyes. "Good. You're not alone in this, you know. I'm not going anywhere."
Natalie nodded, the weight of his words settling over her in the best way. She had known it, but hearing him say it made it real. Dean had been her anchor through all of this, and she knew she could rely on him—no matter what.
The night wore on, and as they continued talking, Natalie found herself feeling more and more like herself again. The bar, the company, the normalcy—it was all exactly what she needed to remind herself that the world hadn't ended. She could still find moments of peace, of joy, even after everything that had happened.
When they finally decided to head out, the cool night air hit them as they stepped outside. Natalie wrapped her arms around herself, feeling the weight of the night begin to settle in, but it wasn't the crushing heaviness she had felt before. It was something lighter. She glanced at Dean as they walked toward the Impala, her heart full of gratitude she wasn't sure how to put into words.
As they reached the car, Natalie turned to him, her voice soft but sincere. "Thank you, Dean. For today. For everything."
Dean looked at her, his eyes gentle but serious. "You don't have to thank me, Natalie. I told you—I'm here. Anytime."
Natalie smiled, a warmth spreading through her chest. She didn't know what the future held, but she knew she wasn't facing it alone. Not with Dean by her side.
And that made all the difference.
Dean opened the car door for her, and as she slid into the passenger seat, she let herself feel something she hadn't allowed herself to feel in a long time—peace.
The cool night air swept through the car as Dean rolled the windows down, the soft breeze tugging gently at Natalie's hair. She let it fall loose, feeling a sense of lightness she hadn't experienced in what felt like forever. Dean stole a glance at her, noticing the way the wind caught strands of her hair, the soft smile tugging at her lips. It was past midnight, and the world felt quieter, like they were the only two people in it.
They drove off into the night, the road stretching ahead of them, and for once, Natalie knew she'd be okay.
#dean winchester#dean winchester fanfiction#dean winchester x ofc#dean winchester x reader#sam and dean#dean winchester drabble#dean winchester fic#dean winchester imagine#jensen ackles#spn#supernatural fanfic series#supernatural fandom#supernatural family#supernatural fic#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural#spn drabble#spn sam winchester#spn fic#spnfandom#spn fanfic#spnfamily#slow burn#dean x sam#sam winchester#dean x castiel#castiel#dean x you#dean x reader#dean x oc
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behold my cretins
a little update on my fuggler collection. it's grown quite a bit since i last posted about them
from left to right, top to bottom
faygo popcorn husky
cat litter (named them after the first thing i saw after grabbing them)
beavis/toke (he goes by both becus i can't decide, my mom likes beavis)
dumpy
scoop, cat litter's baby and the newest addition!! saw baby fugglers at five below, told my mom to pick one at random and she happened to pick that one lol
and of course, lil cheese
and hopefully around xmas my mom will be getting me one of the big 17 inch ones!! :3c
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Pennywise babysitting headcannons go!
Had @alllosersdownhere help me again. EYE DIED LAUGHING DOING THIS.
Pennywise? Babysitting?
NOM???
Okay let's examine WHY he'd NOT eat the tykes?
Maybe they're relatives of yours? Someone he KNOWS you care for?
Maybe (wishful thinking) it's his own children?
Humans can pet cattle without eating them so it stands to reason that Penny is capable of something like this.
FEED THE CLOWN FIRST OML
Self denial is NOT something he's good at!
FEED HIM
Okay. Assuming he's well fed AND has the wherewithal to NOT see a walking cheeseburger…….. You prolly better prep the kiddos too. Penny isn't exactly your typical run of the mill, gentle looking clown.
You could ask Penny to go Bob Gray.
He won't tho.
Expect clownly guffaws if you ask.
“I EAT children, I do not SIT them.”
"Or do I sit ON them? Yes! Maybe this is acceptable." "NO PENNY!"
The child screams? He… just screams back mockingly.
Older kid throws a tantrum? He will throw one BACK. Throw himself on the floor. “That’s what YOU sound like, idiot child.”
WHY WOULD YOU LET THIS CLOWN BABYSIT???
Time to feed the kiddo? Penny sniffs their food, makes a disgusted face. “You eat THIS? I could find you something better.”
FEED THE DAMN CLOWN
Better hope the kid doesn’t want a bedtime story. Penny has some interesting ones. That child is never sleeping again and it is your fault for trusting the child-murdering clown to babysit.
Oldest, watching Beavis and Butthead when he's CLEARLY been told NOT to? Pennywise: "This is the most RIDICULOUS…… most ASININE……. turn it up will ya?"
Baby spits food in his face? Penny's GOING to either A) leper barf a lah chapter 2 or B) dump the baby food on their head.
Kid won’t sleep? Penny doesn’t understand this. This clown can sleep for 27 years, why won’t this kid sleep for more than 27 minutes?
He would entertain them by dancing. Unfortunately, he'll probably make the world dance around him instead or do something equally traumatising for the poor tyke. Or worse…… teaching the kid to do the wagon jig."NO you fool, it's like THIS." Kicks one of your knick knacks.
Kiddo brings a teddy to show him. He takes it, stares with distaste. Shreds it with his claws and drops the mauled bear to the floor.
Reading a picture book? He will do something HORRIFIC. ESPECIALLY if the picture book has turtles oml. Make sure it does not.
One child draws on the wall. Another child says "you know you're not supposed to do that! (Y/N) said so!" Cue demonic clown grin. Expect a Divinci quality piece on your wall. In blood? Shit? Who knows…..
Penny is babysitting a little girl who invites him to her tea party? ...Actually. This is nice. He can’t fit at the little table and his knees are up to his chest comically but still.
Kid gets bored of the tea party so Penny flips over the table and tears up the guest dolls in a rage.
He shoves on some horror movies. Lets the kids skip bedtime to watch.
Kiddo wants to play dress up. Penny's having NONE of it……. At first.
Is unsurprisingly tolerant of child putting makeup on his face.
"MAKE ME PRETTY PENNY!" Yup. You guessed it. Expect a house full of tiny demonic clowns and one tall clown drag queen.
Bathtime! Don’t worry, he won’t leave them unsupervised. He’ll just… probably turn the water to blood or pop out of the drain.
Unless they bring out the bubbles….. This clown is going to be ADDICTED. Will probably use the entire bottle.
HE TURNS BIG BOI. Lets the kids climb on him. It is adorable. A pity it would destroy the house.
If the kiddos want to go to the park, that’s fine! He’ll watch over them. Probably grab a snack while he’s out. Plenty to pick from.
As much as he likes to mock the popping sound, you'd think he knows how to microwave a bag of popcorn. SURPRISE! He doesn't. But never one to give up he'll keep trying. Just take a moment to imagine how your house is going to smell after 10 burnt bags of popcorn.
KIDS WANT BALLOON ANIMALS
Penny does not know how to do balloon animals
He DESTROYS those balloons. Bites them in a fury. Popped balloons EVERYWHERE.
Until the oldest shows him how to make a balloon penis. Then……. Lots of cackling and balloon penises.
Oldest girl says "Ew, that's gross. What are you? Two?"
Penny pops a balloon penis in her face.
Blanket forts. Penny cannot grasp the logic behind these. Just tears them down to scare the shit outta the kids.
But plastic sword fights? Say hello to Obi Wan Penny. Jediwise.
Child throws candy at the television. Penny thinks this is dandy. Child puts on TMNT. Penny throws entire bowl of candy. Including the bowl.
Penny TRIES the candy. Say bye to your candy. Wrappers and all.
Baby needs changed. Nope.
Baby cries. FINE.
Penny lives in a sewer so the smell is no bother to him. This clown can actually change a nappy like a PRO….. he just doesn't WANT to.
Bed time: "I'm scared of the dark Penny."
"GOOD…… shit…….. Ugh….. FINE
Opens mouth towards the ceiling. PRESTO! Indirect deadlight night light.
Children start falling asleep. One is on his lap. They've FINALLY fallen asleep. He doesn't move. Not a single movement.
Let's take a moment to SAVOR what you're going to find when you get home, shall we?
Pieces of your ceiling are gone. There's a shit Mona Lisa on your living room wall. The bathroom is flooded with bubbles. It REEKS of burnt ass popcorn. Beavis and Butthead reruns on the tube, which is covered with pre chewed candy. Blankets and plastic swords EVERYWHERE. And there on the couch, amongst a sea of balloon penises, your sleeping demonic clown children. And a VERY disgruntled drag queen.
The next morning, you find on your night stand….. A pristine brand new copy of "No Drama Discipline" by Daniel J Siegel.
#pennywise the dancing clown#asks#headcanons#i died writing these#so funny#my writing#clown drag queen
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Showing Up is Half the Battle
by: mldrgrl Rating: PG Summary: Some early on in the relationship romantic fluff after a ‘fight’
There’s a look of genuine shock on his face when he opens his apartment door, a look that for a moment, takes her back to their first case when she showed up at his motel room in her red robe and barely concealed panic. She’s not bearing any mystery bumps on her back this time, but there is a mild undercurrent of fear there as she twists her fingers together nervously.
“May I come in?” she asks.
“Of course.” He pushes the door back and she has to duck under his arm to enter.
The TV is on in the next room and she smells pizza in the air, but she doesn’t want to be distracted so she stops just beyond the table in the foyer as the door closes behind her. She drops her head a little before she turns around and forgets that as much as she tries to push her hair back over her ears, it’s too short to stay put now.
“Look, Mulder,” she says, at the same time he starts with “Scully, I…”
She takes a glance up at him and her forehead wrinkles with embarrassment. “Go ahead,” they both say, and she closes her eyes as she gives a mild scoff. She holds a hand up, hoping he’ll take the hint and stay silent for a moment and then she breathes deeply and opens her eyes.
“I need to apologize,” she says.
“For what?”
She shakes her head and waves her hand at him. “For this afternoon. I didn’t mean...what I said.”
“You don’t-”
She cuts him off with a pleading stare. Don’t speak, Mulder. Just let me say this. He pushes his bottom lip out into a pointed pout. He wants to protest, she can tell by the way he shuffles his feet, but he swallows back whatever he was going to say.
“I do though,” she continues. “You’re not needy or trying to monopolize my time, I’m just...I’m not good at sharing myself with other people. I never have been. So, I’m sorry.”
There’s an extended silence after she delivers her apology, one that lasts only a few heartbeats, but that feels like an eternity. It’s long enough for Scully to feel her cheeks getting warm and she looks down at her twisted hands.
“I have good news for you, Scully,�� he says. “Sharing myself with other people is my forte. I don’t have a lot of forte’s, but that’s definitely one of them. So, if you think about it, you’re like the yin to my yang.”
She looks up at him, but can’t erase the feelings of bashful consternation that remain on her face.
“The peanut butter to my jelly,” he says. “The Simon to my Garfunkle. The Beavis to my Butt-”
“Okay, stop.” She chuckles before she lowers her head again and tries to push the stubborn hair back that keeps falling into her face.
“The peanut butter and banana sandwich to my Elvis,” he whispers and shuffles forward until her head bumps his chest.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“I know.” He kisses her crown and rubs the back of her neck as she sighs. She still feels a little foolish, but less so as she puts her hands on his hips and he nuzzles her hair. “You could’ve just called,” he says. “You didn’t have to come all the way over.”
“Yeah well…” She huffs a little and leans back to look up at him. “I missed you.”
He raises his brows and she rolls her eyes a little.
“Don’t look at me like that,” she says.
“I’m just trying to reconcile ‘I missed you,’ with the whole ‘I’ve seen you for eight days straight, Mulder, I need a damn break,’ speech from today.”
“I told you, it’s me, not you.”
“You’re such a cliche. Come here.” He cups her elbow and pulls her closer so he can wrap his arms around her.
“I’m not staying tonight,” she insists a little weakly. With her face pressed to his chest she can smell his detergent and cologne in his t-shirt and he doesn’t know yet just how much of a sucker she is for the combo. It may have even been what tipped her over the edge and got her into his bed.
“Okay. Did you eat?”
“Not yet.”
“I have pizza.”
“What kind?”
“Half plain, half sausage and pepperoni.”
She smacks his chest lightly and backs away from him just a little. “You can’t have known I’d show up. Not after this afternoon.”
“Scully, I live my life hoping you’ll show up, whether you do or not.”
“All I wanted was just a weekend apart. It’s just been….I mean every night since that night we just…”
“I’m not stopping you, Scully.”
“No, but you’re just so god damn irresistible sometimes, it’s infuriating!”
He grins at her and she tries to scowl, but ends up laughing lightly and then shaking her head into her hands.
“Come have some pizza,” he says, gesturing towards the main room. “You can have a slice or two and then head home. No movies, no beer, no popcorn, no hanky panky, all hands on deck.”
She catches the belt loop on his jeans at his hip when he tries to walk away and gives it a tug. “Not even a little?”
“I mean, if you insist.”
“I did drive all this way.”
“On a Friday night no less. How does a foot rub sound to you?”
“Perfect.”
“Great, you can start with the left, my arch has been bothering me lately.”
She smacks him soundly on the ass and he laughs before he spins her around and kisses her soundly. She slides her hands through his hair and then caresses his ears before she pulls away.
“I’m really not staying,” she says.
“Yeah, but you’re here now. That’s all that matters to me.”
She stays.
The End
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Succession S2E2 Thoughts
Overall:
Much better than the terrible agony that was the first episode.
I still want to wrap Kendall up in a hug and transmit some life into him by osmosis. Shiv...I’m sorry, but I know a lot of you really love her, but I...really don’t. I have some sympathy for her, because she is the person made by a very hostile father and a very hostile world. And there is an element of me being biased towards Tom (although I will admit--will list--all his horrible qualities; I’m just glad he has a decent handful of redeeming ones), but Shiv is a pretty cold person (and yes, I would say that about Logan as well, and Roman--them especially--so I’m not calling her cold simply because she is a strategic, smart woman. But I feel like she has the capacity to be a decent person, with a decent heart, but she will never allow herself to be that kind of person. And that’s the tragedy of her for me.
Her and Tom’s relationship is, in my view, incredibly unhealthy and fucked up. It’s a one-way street, and they could really be so much better, but...I don’t think they ever will be, unless Tom somehow...takes over, but *snort*. Talk about a clown running the circus. Whew. But yeah, as long as Shiv has so much power skewed in her direction and she doesn’t hesitate to use it and hold it over him, theirs will not be a relationship composed of equals, but Tom will continue to think, in his demented brain, that somehow they mostly are? King and Queen? No, no, Tom. Nice try. But you’re not on that level. It’s true that I see very small, slivers of moments when they need each other, but I...have seen...honestly, I can’t remember seeing one moment where it was clear that Shiv really loved him, just that she needed him. And those are very different things, at least for me. My dream scenario is that Tom can work up the nerve to leave her and be with someone who actually deserves him, but...that’s a different show, certainly not this one. So I suppose I’ll have to sit back and watch this trainwreck.
Actually, I find it interesting to see the relationship between Logan and Kendall, and Shiv and Tom. They are very parallel in some big ways. Logan and Shiv are both very dominant, both dictate the terms of the relationship, both steer it, manipulate the other person at will, are both strong-willed and strategic but can be cruel, and both place their own interests above everyone else’s. They’re the controllers. Kendall and Tom, at least in this season so far (Tom has always been), are the submissive ones, the yes-men, acting at the behest of their counterparts, both very insecure about their relationships with those counterparts, although, granted, Kendall has passed over into dead-eye territory, where Tom has some life left. I can see how being in their position might be at times comforting, not having pressure on them, kind of enjoying the freedom that being submissive and simply obeying offers. And, really, in the dynamics of both relationships, I really feel for Tom and Kendall. Shiv is, of all the children, most like her father, and was from the beginning, but I think she’s leaning more and more that way, which...is a bad way to lean if you want to cling to some part of your soul. So I...am a bit worried about both Kendall and Tom, but I know something’s going to give at some point. In some way. So I’m...interested.
One last thing: what made this episode so much better than the first one, for me, is the attention paid to the absurdity of the characters and their lives. That is the glory of the show for me. When it tries to get me to truly sympathize too hard with characters who, by and large, are not very sympathetic, I...am very turned off. Because we’re talking about uber-rich douche-bags who only care about themselves and their power. The only sympathetic characters (and even the moments when sympathetic characters have sympathetic moments and aspects) are ones who show motivations other than power grabs and greed. BUT, when the show highlights the absurd nature of...this entire palace drama? It’s at its height. Its at its best. This episode had a ton of that, and I was very grateful for it. The Vaulter dude was always a great vehicle to highlight some absurdity, and he came through here. Greg, of course, highlights the absurd aspects of Tom and the Roys in general. Connor himself. Amazing. The absurdity bouncing around in this episode made it so, so much better than the first one.
Overall, B+ episode.
As I watched:
Oh, yay, the theme park! Been looking forward to seeing these parts.
Beavis and Crackhead. Nice.
Aww, MM, you’re getting gray and it’s so...weirdly cute. Damn it. Also I can watch you try to get popcorn out from between your teeth with your tongue all. day. long.
Hmm, Logan listening to Shiv. Roman sees what’s happening. He’s not as stupid as he seems. Which we knew, but it’s nice to see.
Mondale! And the Mondale voice is back! Tom & Mondale might be my favorite friendship on the show.
The amount of time Shiv spends looking at her phone instead of talking to and listening to her husband is...pretty fucking sad. She LITERALLY walks away from him when he’s talking. Cool.
“It’s not really a thing.” UM. WUT. No it’s a huge thing. One partner wanting to fuck other people, while the other one clearly doesn’t really want to is...a huge thing. And not talking about it is going to make everything worse, but sure, okay, continue thinking it’s not really a thing.
Oh god, it’s kind of painful, how hard he’s trying to...rationalize that he’s okay with everything about their relationship. And trying to like...show he’s ready all the time, always down to fuck, just in case she was wondering. Heh. You can see the insecurity just coming off him in waves.
Ha. I’m sorry, writers, but...an American wouldn’t say “cheeky” like that. Someone needs to check the British-isms. But it’s nice to see even a show like this mess up. ;)
I mean, yes, this is a drool-worthy penthouse, but settle down Tom, or I’m worried you’re literally going to start fucking the sofa.
One of these days, Tom is going to actually...not roll over like a submissive dog. Maybe.
*sings* Tom and Greg, together again, wheee! Tom and his punching bag. Tom, you better watch out, because at some point the bag is going to punch back.
Um. Tom. I’d go easy on the creepy sexual metaphors. You can’t quite speak with the...disgustingness of Roman. Please stop trying.
LOL Name me one principle. Although, god, this is the ugliest side of Tom. How willing he is to compromise himself for advancement. He’s honestly...kind of a whore sometimes. And it’s his least appealing aspect of his character (his most appealing, of course, being his handsome, handsome cute face).
By the way, non-Americans, real Americans don’t throw around this many “fucks.” And we don’t constantly speak in sexual metaphors. Granted, I’ve never been among these kinds of...terrible people, but still.
OMG, her name is actually CYD PEACH?! Wow. No wonder you’re a badass bitch. With a name like that, who wouldn’t be?
I kind of like this news lady, talking to Tom like the moronic asshole he is. Her sarcasm is just oozing out of her and I love it. This was such a great scene.
Rough first day, Tom. But, hot damn, is he actually motivated to do...real work? Color me interested to see how this goes.
Gerry, you’re amazing. You might be one of my favorite characters.
IPAs that looks like run-off at the car wash. Ahahahahahha. Great line.
OF COURSE CONNOR HAS AN EMAIL BULLETIN. Actually, Connor might be one of my favorites, too. He represents the most what I like about the show. The absurdity of it. It’s when the show strays too far away from pointing out absurdity that it gets...not nearly as enjoyable.
Another great example of the absurdity: The conversation between Roman and Connor about the president.
Ha, yes, Roman invited you to dinner because he’s learning your game, Shiv. He’s learning, against all odds, how to
You did a thing. Mazel Tov. Another great scene with Roman and Tabitha.
Oh, Tom, baby, you’re so nervous to...talk to your wife. Heh. That’s kind of sad. And ahahahhaah, you still think you’ve even in the uh, line of succession (too on point?) for CEO. Oh, Tom. You idiot. And, Shiv, you are...you don’t think Tom should get the big job, please. Come on. I wish she’d...be truthful about how much she wants it, at least with Tom, JFC. But honestly isn’t really in her vocabulary, so... ALSO, RAWR. Let me say how SHOCKED I AM that Shiv gets turned on when she thinks about herself being powerful. She gets off when she literally has Tom by the balls. Shocker. Shocker.
AHAHAHAH, GREG’S APARTMENT SHOPPING. YES. LOL. THIS IS GREAT. Greg is the best. AWW, DID KENDALL JUST GIVE GREG AN APARTMENT? AWWWW, KENDALL! Aww, that awkward hug was probably the most physical affection Kendall’s had in...a long time. LOL. OMG KENDALL WANTS TO BE BUDDIES WITH GREG. YES.
Oh boy. The most awkward dinner in history. Tabitha is so chill. OH NO, TOM AND TABITHA ALONE IN A ROOM. YOU SHOULD TRY SWALLOWING SOMETHING. OMG JKFDL;AJFKLAFJKSA;KJFDL. AHAHAHAHA. YEEEESSSSS. I like when the relatively powerless characters make a cutting power move.
NOTHING IS WRONG WITH HIS BODY. DON’T YOU, EVEN.
Okay, seriously, y’all stop making fun of Tom so hard. Jfc. My heart is going out to him here, honestly. Tom can be a dick sometimes, but this is cruel stuff.
OMG OMG OMIG OGMD OSALJFSAL;FJSK TOM I’M SO PROUD OF YOU. I’M SO, SO PROUD OF YOU. FOR TELLING SHIV TO FUCK OFF. YES. I’M SO DAMN PROUD OF YOU. DKFLS;FJDKSAOMGGGGGGG. It’s nice to see the tiniest hint of backbone.
Oof, this is what Tom and Shiv call “talking”? Meh, yeah, Shiv, you need him. You need a stable presence. You need a loyal sounding board. You need a yes man. Their relationship is so fucked up. Yiiiiiikes. They’re pretty much the WORST at open, real communication.
Oh, boy, oh, boy. Poor Greg. Kendall, you dick. Making this your drug party. Ugh. I’m so fucking disappointed in you. (I’m still pulling for you, though.)
Guh, yeah, the scene in the car with Shiv and Gil...these kinds of scenes really show Shiv’s ugly side. (And Gil’s for that matter.) People needing the upper hand. People shitting all over each other. People needing to be right.
Logaaaaaan, you’re such a dickheeeaaaad. A manipulative, awful dickheeeaaaad. Although, what a great line: make yourself at home. In...daddy’s office.
Jesus, Kendall, you need a real car, man.
AAAAH, IT LOOKS LIKE THE HUNTING EPISODE IS NEXT. AWESOME.
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i saw @catonis do this and i wanted to too zzz
Rules: Tag 10 followers you want to get to know better
tagged by: myself bitch
Name: Simon or Dusty
Gender: Male
Star Sign: Cancer
Height: 5′4
Sexuality: gay
What images do you have set as your desktop/cellphone wallpaper? my phone’s lockscreen is @fscare‘s arcade gannon art n the home screen is a pic of my boyfriend holding a garfield plush. my desktop is the guy with a cone on his head holding the stop sign
Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? what the hell lmao No
Where do you see yourself in 10 years? a NICU nurse and transitioned, maybe a dad
If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be? with my boyfriend playing video games zzz
What was your coolest Halloween costume? probably the time i went as tf2 medic when i was 12 and i had the backpack and everything
What’s your favorite 90s show? uhh 90s specifically? probably beavis and butthead or that 70s show
Who was your last kiss? my bf :sad cowboy emoji:
Have you ever been stood up? yeah once
Have you ever been to Las Vegas? i live here baybay
Favorite pair of shoes: my hand-me-down doc martens
Favorite fruit: plums
Favorite book: practical magic by alice hoffman
Stupidest thing you’ve ever done: god nothing Recent comes to mind but when i was like 13 i stuck a popcorn seed up my nose and ended up digging it out Painfully with a paperclip
Tagging: whoever feels like it u can just say i tagged you
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Eric Trump accuses media of ignoring Trump's popularity at Iowa State Fair
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OPINION: Great and outstanding job, Eric Trump defending our country and your father as President who loves our great country. Who could have said it so truthfully with facts to back it up. 👍
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INDIVIDUALS/COMMENTS/POSTS:
TO: BIG BEN Eric Trump is correct the socialists of The democrat party: "Their proposals are wild and crazy."
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REPLY Know Where 2 hours ago Trump should make his new campaign slogan the words of the late great Rodney Dangerfield, ''I can't get no respect!!!'' as the President adjusts his necktie.
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REPLY
David George Fake news is what happens when the communists (new democrats) get in bed with media outlets.
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REPLY David George
Fake news is what happens when the communists (new democrats) get in bed with media outlets.
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REPLY Zorro Vitale Don’t worry Eric we all know your father is the greatest thing to happen to America.
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REPLY Tory Rey It's all about taking down the middle class because we are the ones holding this country together. So of course they (dems) have to push socialism. It is not ok to steal from me because you want power over me.
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irishgirl2769 Iowa loves President Trump! I should know I'm from IOWA!
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REPLY Rick A Why won't Fox News show the kernal corn table? What's up with the Fox mullahs?
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REPLY John Regan Mr. President Eric Trump sir .I look foreward to your presidency in 2032 after your father and brother fufill their terms in office.
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REPLY Sovereign Rex Leftwatics ignore all truths that show their religious beliefs are false.
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REPLY stuzo666 Fredo for president, como the homo ,lol its stuck now you dork
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REPLY Gay Rob Trump 2020. Just do it!💪😉
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REPLY Smog Yea lets talk 2020 where all the back stabbing RINOS will lose for passing anti gun laws.
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REPLY Paul Neumann NY Time
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REPLY Cindy Hagan 3 hours ago From Iowa, TRUMP 20/20, YES !!!!
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H Pn I don't think Americans care about the media. Trump economy is what's it about. He's going to win.
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Ксения Ковалевская Let the mainstream media and their loser crew, like Fredo, ignore what's going on with president Trump, they'll be in for a rude awakening on Election Day.
REPLY Dan McFarland We finally have a president With balls....... and a First Lady Without em!
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Stuzo666 You gotta hand it to Mr trump, he has a wonderful blessed family they are a total credit to America, all his kids are strong beautiful people good Scottish German blood lines, much love from Scotland the home of granny trump
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Optimal81 The fake news media will see soon enough President Trump’s popularity.
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Tobias Reynaers That Trump's popularity remains under the radar is actually a good thing. I'm really looking forward to the ocean of liberal tears in 2020!
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maria DVH I like Eric trump, he should run after Donald. The democrats would just love that I predict.
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Shane H Here's the great thing,it doesn't matter!because those whole filled trumps jar are the silent majority that will go vote!
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REPLY SwapPart TV Repair I Googled corn kernel poll. Can't even find a picture of Trump's jars. But it's Google. What else would we expect?
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Matthew Maio Consider trump as a realist speaks his mind on issues that have plagued America for far to long
REPLY thorhop As co worker was at the Iowa State Fair and said he saw 6 full jars of corn hidden behind counter . Iowa's for TRUMP!!!👍👍👍
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James Bond007 The people in IOWA are smarter than Fredo Cuomo , they don't watch fake news CNN , MSNBC , and other leftists news outlets .
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REPLY dannyparkersmith Fredo wants a rebuttal. LOL
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REPLY
View 2 replies john hng It is not about who the man Donald Trump is but the work he did - " promises made promises kept " that is so " Remarkable " Economy and Jobs are his Strength & Pillar of - Making America Great Again. None can Challenge him on that track record. Not by Chance or Miracle. But through sheer hard work.He persevered through with Drive & Determination, while fighting against all odds at every corners. Yet within a short period of time, he turned the economy around. Marvelous. What a Great Leader. Whether you love or hate him. He is the living proof. He let's his work do the talking. He is really Gutsy.
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Neville Bennett FOX NEWS is afraid to speak an show anything positive about the President Some of them is quivering to say the good things he has done.
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Puttentane Same CRUSH the Trumproach & MAGAts in 2020, America ! The game is up, Fox Faux News.
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Tom fair Thats scary, bernie is truly dangerous, bibian is a silly fool but bernie could do some serious damage
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Randy Carlisle It doesn’t matter what the massively leftist media says anymore. They’ve been doctoring the poles for decades, just look at the Hillary poles from the last election1
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Robert balibrera we have Donald Trump as president and those who are trying to run for president we called Fredo's
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skipjack johnson Im from the future and trump wins 2020.
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Smart Ass I did google the poll and Eric is right.
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irish podboss That's what leberals do is hide the TRUTH! Typical behavior
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oliver 11 the fake media claims President Trump isn't popular which is not so. He is doing what the rest won't. Why? because the rest is involved in crime and he is upsetting it.
REPLY Angela McGowan At 1:26 pm Eastern TRUMP HAD 97% of those who "voted" !
REPLY Meta M Republicans are easily distracted and Democrats know it. Now Fredo Fredo Fredo. Not Epstein. All Trump's successes are not hammered on continuously. Just defensive on what Dems are doing to them.
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Sleep Cube Eric needs to get on TV more. He's a bit neurotic but practice will make him better. You can see the donald in some of his behavior. Could be president in the future if he learns to tone down the feminine tone. Seems to have a good head on his shoulders.
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Harold Sny Butthead needs Beavis for some answers!!
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Mary Nelson I live in California and we are Burdened with taxes and regulations
REPLY Nameless DON'T FLY THOSE PLANES OVERSEAS, JUST PUT IT IN TRUMP'S POCKETS. AMERICA FIRST..BWHAHA
REPLY kwik440 Wow, what a great man, Eric Is so intelligent.. Great job Mr. Trump : )
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John Doe Of course the legacy media is journalism malpractice .
REPLY Free Irish/Mexican American Girl I'm starting to think that some of these loony liberal news outlets should be considered an enemy of the state
REPLY earl paul Big surprise. Media ignores any and everything that will convey Trump in a positive light.
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David Harness I am really sure the US farmers appreciate the corn analogy!
REPLY Dawn Witmer The Media AND the dumboRATS are hilarious! TRUMP 2020 by a LANDSLIDE WIN !!!
REPLY NBA Flag DEPLORABLES: success is measured by kernels. 😆����
REPLY J W The US citizens should understand by now that the MSM is in bed with the left and always have been.
REPLY XtremeZone "Men and women need to get dirty again." I like how she thinks....
REPLY
William Lubak it’s true, the democrats are no longer the party of Kennedy. It’s also true that the Republicans are no longer the party of Reagan. Both parties are a disgrace.
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Pristine MONTANA SMART JUST LIKE HIS DAD!
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Charlett Delmars Eric Trump is right you cant find it. so sad
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Soph M
Unbelievable! Joe Biden can hardly speak or be understood anymore lol Trump we are forever grateful , yes !!!!!
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Gavin Beets Trump 2020 ! God Bless him
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Sandra Martinez Nice ti see you eric trump blessing🙏❤
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Allan Towler The level of propaganda used by the Democratic party is directly proportional to the bank account at the UN.
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Trace Conrad If California fall's in the ocean, don't blame it on President Trump, it will really be San Andreas Fault, ☮️ World
REPLY Yush Bhattarai There's so much anger out here.. Can't we just respectfully disagree with other folks instead of demonizing them for being wrong!
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plowisonutube Eric is very talented!
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Nob Wings Donald is the Man!(with eggs)...YEAH!
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Ashwin replies to Manjrekar's remark with a hilarious meme from Tamil movie
Jeez, people are pigs!” Sam said from behind me.
“You can say that again,” I replied, looking at a dirty diaper that was stuck in a bush. “Christ, I’m glad I’m wearing gloves!”
Gingerly pulling the diaper from between the branches, I dropped it in one of the two large green trash bags I was dragging along with me. The first was for cans and bottles, the second for any other garbage I found.
“What was it?” Sam asked. “Was it grosser than the nasty sandwich I found that almost made me puke?”
“It was a diaper.” Turning to her, I grinned. “With nasty clumps of shit, so I think I’m ahead in the gross competition.”
Sam straightened up from the bush she was behind and shrugged. “Okay, I’ll give you that one, but only because we’re not done yet and I have a feeling I’ll find worse.”
“We’ll see.” I pointed. “Remember, winner pays for the next horror movie we check out.”
“Then save your money. There’s a new crappy-looking zombie thing out next week.” Sam laughed. “And this time I want a large popcorn, no cheaping out, Justin.”
“If that’s the case, I won’t go easy on you. I want a slushy and a box of duds.”
“You’re dating a dud, why would you want a box of them?” Sam grinned, waiting for me to take the bait.
Unable to help it, I said, “At least I’m dating someone. When was your last date?”
“I’d rather be alone than with a bitch,” she replied, removing her Red Sox cap and wiping the sweat from her forehead.
“Jen’s not a bitch. Why do you always call her that?”
“Because she is. Maybe you’d see it of you’d stop thinking about her tits.”
“What can I say?” I laughed. “She has nice tits.”
“I know. In fact, everyone knows. It’s not like she doesn’t flaunt them.”
“If you had them, you’d flaunt them.” I smirked, knowing it was a touchy subject.
“I have tits!” Sam snapped, biting on my joke. “I just don’t strut around showing them off.”
“I know,” I said, pointing to the pink Red Sox T-shirt she was wearing. “Is that your brother’s? It looks too big.”
“I dress comfortable, okay?” She walked around the bush, dragging her trash bag behind her along with the backpack she’d brought. “I don’t need to show what I have.” She gave her head a toss, sending her long brown braid whipping around. “If a guy wants to go out with me, I want it to be because he likes me, not because he likes my ass.”
“You have an ass in those jeans? I could have sworn you left it at home.”
Sam looked at the back of the baggy black jeans she was wearing.
I laughed. “What are you doing, looking for it?”
“Why are you being a dick to me today?” she asked, her dark brown eyes flashing. “I’m spending my Saturday helping you score brownie points for that little snot, and you’re making fun of me!”
“Whoa!” I put my hands up defensively. “Hey, Sam, I’m only busting your chops. Since when did you get so sensitive?”
“I am not defensive.” She stopped in front of me and dropped the bag “But I get a little tired of the jokes sometimes, and not just from you.” She sighed. “At least you don’t call me a dyke.”
“I’d never say that,” I told her, coming around the bush. “Who said that about you?”
“Those idiots, Joe and Dave.” Sam waved her hand. “I should just look at the source and let it go.”
“I work with Dave. Next time I see him, I’ll tell him to cut the shit or I’ll kick his scrawny ass.”
“I don’t need you sticking up for me,” she told me. “Those two idiots are like Beavis and Butthead. They don’t matter.”
“Matters if you’re mad.”
“I’m just in a mood, I guess, but what matters is you’d stick up for me.” She rolled her eyes. “God knows my brother wouldn’t.”
“Hey, that’s what friends are for, right?”
“Right.” Sam looked around the stand of trees in Carson’s Park I had volunteered to clean as part of Jen’s Earth Day weekend. “And I guess they’re for helping to pick up bottles and skeezy trash, too.”
“Yeah.” Removing my sunglasses, I pulled my shirt up and wiped my face. “I appreciate it, Sam. Tell you what, I’ll treat next movie.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Large popcorn?”
“Large popcorn, and I’ll even splurge for two drinks instead of two straws.”
“Ohhh, treat me like that and this girl will get spoiled!” Batting her long lashes at me, she widened her big brown eyes. “Thank you for my own personal soda, Justin! Can I have snowcaps, too?”
“Now you’re pushing it.”
“Please?” She pushed her lips out in a pout.
“That’s not fair,” I told her.
“Please, oh, please?” She then made her lower lip tremble, and I sighed dramatically.
“Yes, you can have snowcaps, but we share those.”
“Deal!” She clapped her gloved hands and jumped up and down like a little kid.
I laughed. “You’re too cute.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, you remind me of my little cousin when you do that.”
“Oh.” She frowned. “I guess there’s worse things.”
“Well” — I put my hand up, knowing I’d made a mistake — “you’re cute in other ways, too. You’re pretty.”
“Think so?” She looked at me dubiously.
“Oh, yeah. You’re real cute. You know, like girl-next-door cute.”
“I’ll take that.” She smiled.
“Yeah, and a lot of guys like that — not hot, but cute.”
“You need to learn when to shut up, Justin.”
“Sorry, I meant — “
“Want to take a break?” interrupting me. “We’re about halfway through. The playground will be a lot quicker, so how about lunch and we finish up in one shot from here?”
I slapped my forehead. “Lunch? Shit, I didn’t think of that! You want to take a run down to the — “
“I figured you would.” Walking past me, Sam sat underneath a large tree and unzipped the backpack, pulling out a yellow can and tossing it to me. “Yoo-hoo?”
“My favorite!” I caught the can and popped the top as I sat facing Sam under the tree.
“I know,” she said, producing a plastic container with two sandwiches in it. “Just like I know Pastrami and cheese is your favorite.”
“Spicy mustard?” My mouth watered as I took the container.
“But of course!”
As Sam pulled out a bottle of Mountain Dew and a banana, I removed my work gloves and chugged half the Yoo-hoo.
“Wow, these go down too easy,” I said.
“Kind of like Jen,” Sam replied, kicking her sneakers off and stretching her long legs out in front of me. “And go ahead and finish it. I brought you two.”
“Jen’s not a slut, Sam. I told you we’ve been dating six months and we haven’t done anything but make out.”
“Didn’t say she went down on you,” Sam said, just loud enough for me to catch it.
“Really, Sam?”
“Really, Justin.” She paused, peeled the banana, and shoved it in her mouth, bobbing her head up and down as if she were blowing it. Then she winked. “Just like that to anyone that pays attention to her.”
I didn’t answer right away. The sight of Sam easily slipping most of the banana down her throat had caught me by surprise. Not that it should have. Sam not only dressed like a guy, but also had a dirtier mouth and mind then most of the ones I knew. She ruined the image by biting the tip off.
Collecting myself, I went on the defensive. “Look, Jen’s like me. She was raised to take sex seriously and that’s why we haven’t done anything yet. She thinks you should only have sex once you really care about the other person.”
“She’s a very caring person.”
“Knock it off, Samantha!” She was pissing me off at this point.
“Samantha?” She grinned. “You never call me that. Truth hurt?”
“Why do you care? You’ve done nothing but rag on Jen since I started going out with her. You say she’s stuck up and slutty and you barely know her. What’s your problem?”
“That I care about you and think you’re getting used.” Sam took the last bite of the banana and tossed the peel into her backpack. “Look at today. She’s this big green freak and says Earth Day is such a big deal, but you’re here and where is she?”
“She’s in Jamestown cleaning up the cove. She doesn’t have a lot of people helping, so she spread us out.”
“Yeah, she’s spreading all right. My sister says her ex-boyfriend is part of the cleanup. I think he’s …” She snapped her fingers. “At the beach. You can think what you want, but there’s no way in hell she isn’t fucking Rob and who knows who else. She’s using you, Justin, but I guess you’ll have to find that out yourself.”
I stared at her and frowned. I had heard Jen’s ex, Rob, was sniffing around, but whenever I mentioned it she got mad and said I was acting jealous and shouldn’t worry. When I’d pushed, Jen had brought up Sam and how much time I spent with her and how she wasn’t jealous.
Watching Sam unwrap a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and begin eating, I recalled how I had told Jen that Sam and I had been best friends since middle school, and that we’d never been more.
Jen had insisted that was because that’s how I saw it, claiming Sam had a thing for me, that I was too naïve to see it. Just like Sam was telling me I was naïve thinking Jen was waiting for the right time with me.
I was well aware I tended to take people at face value and was a little too trusting; but in these cases I was right. Sam was a good friend and had zero interest in being anything but, just as I had no interest in her as a girl.
I was also sure Jen wasn’t fucking around. Unlike me, Jen had been with someone before, and most likely more than just Ron. Then again, I was the only person my age I knew who hadn’t been with anyone.
But after my mother had discovered my asshole father had been fucking anything in sight for years, she raised me to believe that sex should be special the first time, with someone who meant something.
I not only agreed with her, but swore to her that I would be a better man than my father and would wait until I met someone special. Not that it had been easy. Although I’d never met anyone who I had a serious interest in until Jen, there had been a few girls who’d made it more than clear we could have some fun.
Sometimes I wondered if I wasn’t being an idiot waiting, passing up on some chances for a good time. But my mother was thrilled with my promise to make my first time meaningful and that had pretty much trapped me into keeping my word. There were times I thought I could just fool around and she would never know, but that would make me a lying dog no better than my father.
How many women you screwed didn’t make you a man; keeping your word to someone you loved did. And I swore to keep my vow and not be a dog in heat. I did, however, know enough not to tell anyone. That didn’t mean I had to advertise the fact I was a virgin, though. Any girl who had been interested in just a good time, I made up the excuse I was dating someone. And I was way too smart to tell any of the guys.
Sam knew because Sam pretty much knew everything about me, just as I knew more about her than her own brother and sister. We’d met in fifth grade when we’d been put together as lab partners and had immediately become good friends. We both enjoyed the same books, movies, and video games, and had the same laid-back personalities. Where we were different was when it came to what people thought about us.
Sam pretty much marched to the beat of her own drummer dressing like a tomboy and watching football and bad horror movies while spending more time around me and my friends than the other girls.
I, on the other hand, wore brand name clothes and took a lot of care with my appearance. Enough for Sam, along with my mother, to teasingly refer to me as a ‘pretty boy’ who generally tried to put myself out there as cool.
I looked down at Sam’s legs stretched out in front of me. Her feet were bare, and my eyes lingered on the butterfly tattoo on the top of her left foot. I let my gaze wander up her long legs, which I had to assume were under the baggy jeans. While she looked to her left watching the kids who were running around the small playground, I focused on her chest.
There was nothing visible in the loose shirt. Not for the first time, I wondered what she had under there. I wasn’t interested in the sense that I wanted her, but in the years I’d known her I’d never seen Sam wear anything tight or even slightly revealing.
She never attended any school dances and even when we went swimming a few times she wore shorts and a T-shirt. That was pretty much the only time I’d seen her legs, which although on the slender side, looked pretty good.
I went back to looking at the tattoo. It was colorful and in what I considered a sexy spot, yet she rarely even wore sandals to show it off. Her toenails were painted black, and I noticed a silver ring around her middle toe.
Sam had once commented she had a boyfriend who liked her feet. I idly wondered if that was why she had gotten the tattoo and wore the ring. Not wanting to look like I was staring, I glanced up.
Sam had finished eating and was resting her head against the tree with her eyes closed. I’d meant what I said; she was cute. Sam never wore makeup but didn’t seem to need to. Her skin was smooth and her cheeks had a natural color to them, and she had the longest eyelashes I’d ever seen.
Those lashes, along with her huge brown eyes, she used to good effect on me, as well as her older siblings and her father. Her mother had the same eyes and would always tell Sam to knock it off, that she had created that look and was immune to it.
The use of her big eyes was usually coupled with her pushing her lips into a little-girl pout. Sam’s lips were full, and I’d once overheard a couple of guys saying she had blow-job lips. I flashed back to a couple of minutes ago when she made a show of blowing the banana and how her lips had looked wrapped around it. I shook my head.
Taking a bite of the sandwich, I looked back down at her foot, wondering what the hell a guy would do with her feet. I moved away from that image, thinking things were getting bad when I was starting to think about Sam’s sexual escapades.
But all that would change, and soon. A smile crossed my face at the thought of what I had planned for tomorrow night. Mom and her boyfriend Bill were leaving this afternoon to go visit friends in New Hampshire and wouldn’t be home until Monday.
Jen had been hinting that she was getting comfortable enough to want to sleep together, and when I mentioned my mom would be away for the weekend, she asked if I wanted company.
Jen, who was pretty much Sam’s opposite was blonde with baby-blue eyes. Whereas Sam was tall and a little on the skinny side, Jen was short with a pair of huge tits that, as Sam had said, she did flaunt. Her ass was damn fine too and she wasn’t shy about showing it off.
I couldn’t wait to get a look at those tits, to feel them, suck on them, and maybe even get my cock between them like in the dirty movies I got off to every night.
Well, tomorrow night I’d be getting off with the real thing. The idea of having Jen naked in my bed caused my cock to swell. At the same time, a twinge of nerves fluttered though my stomach. Jen didn’t know it was my first time.
I supposed I should have mentioned it, but she had experience and I didn’t want to look like an idiot. But now that it seemed the time had finally arrived, I was going to be nervous with only porn videos to go by and with a girl who’d done it before. What if I went off quick or didn’t get her off quick enough? What if —
“Why are you staring at my foot?”
I looked up. “Huh?”
“You keep looking at my feet.” Sam wiggled her toes. “Something wrong with them?”
“No, they look fine.”
“You think my feet are fine?” She laughed. “You have a foot fetish?”
“Of course not!” Not wanting to be teased, I turned the conversation in another direction. “So why do you do that?”
“What?” She frowned, looking at her feet. “The tattoo?”
“Yeah, that and the nails and the ring. You hardly ever wear sandals, even when it’s hot, so what’s the point?”
“The point is I know it’s there and I like how the ring looks.” Sam shrugged. “I do it for me, not anyone else.”
I grinned at her. “What about foot boy?”
“I didn’t get the tattoo for him. I had just gotten it when I met him.” She winked. “But he said it made a hell of a bull’s-eye.”
“Eww!” I scrunched my face up. “TMI!”
Sam giggled. “But anyway, it’s about what’s on the inside, Justin — not the outside.”
“I get that with feelings and stuff, but why does it matter with looks?”
“Because vain people are shallow people.” Sam reached out and put her hand on my leg. “But you’re different, though. You dress like the cool jerk, but you’re a great guy.”
“I don’t dress like — “
“Bullshit!” She pointed at my sunglasses. “How much were those things?”
“A hundred, but they’re Foster — “
“Mine came from the dollar store and they do the trick.” She pulled on my shorts. “What brand are these?”
“They’re — “ I started, but she continued.
“And that’s an Abercrombie and Fitch T-shirt you’re wiping your sweaty face on. What was that, thirty dollars? And you’re wearing it to clean up a park.” Pointing at her shirt, she said, “This shirt was ten dollars and the jeans were the same on sale. My whole outfit with my sneakers is less than your damn shorts.”
“It shows.” I smirked.
The look on Sam’s face told me I’d made a mistake, and she quickly made me pay for it. “You would never have made that crack before you started going with Jen.”
“Oh, come on! I’m just busting your chops.”
“Oh, that’s all? Okay, how about this one? I dress like a poor tomboy and you’re mister GQ, pretty boy, but which one of us is still a virgin?”
“What the hell kind of crack is that?” I put the sandwich down. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Well, you think I’m so plain and dress so crappy, but I’ve had a couple of guys who had no problem wanting to get to know me better.”
“So what? I’ve had chances, but I promised my mother I’d try to do it the right way. You decided to spread your legs when you had the chance.”
“Are you saying I’m a slut?”
“Of course not! You know better than that. But you know that’s a touchy subject with me.”
“But you never think anything bothers me.” Sam waved her hand disgustedly at me. “You really do treat me like a guy.”
“I … I treat you like a friend. Since when do I need to treat you all girly?”
“You don’t, but then again you’ve never treated a girly have you?” She raised her eyebrows after that one, as if daring me to top it.
“Guess you got me on that one,” I said with a casual shrug. “But tell you what, how about you ask me again after this weekend?”
Sam’s eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means, I just might…”
My phone went off and I couldn’t help smiling when “You don’t know You’re Beautiful” blared from it. It was Jen. The timing couldn’t have been better.
“Like she doesn’t think she’s beautiful.” Sam muttered
“Hey, sweetie.” I bit my lip not to laugh at the disgusted look on her face.
“Hey, hot stuff!” Jen chirped in my ear. “How goes park detail?”
“Halfway,” I told her. “It’ll be done in a couple hours.”
“Wow! That was quick!”
Hopefully she wouldn’t be saying that in my ear in bed, I thought, but said, “I have some help.”
“That’s great! More the merrier! I’m surprised you could rope any of your friends into getting up on Saturday morning.”
“They didn’t. Sam’s helping me out.” Even as I said it, I wondered why I brought her up.
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27 Halloween costume ideas Generation Z just won't understand
Millennials may be one of the biggest generations (and most scrutinized), but there's a large demographic rising behind them - Generation Z.
The iGeneration, sounds straight out of a War of the Worlds movie, are generally not talked about, but are ahead of the game in technology and new lingo to fast to catch up on.
There are plenty of cultural references and trends the young generation will never understand, or be apart of, and boy, does that make us feel old.
SEE ALSO: 8 cliché costumes to avoid this Halloween
So, here are a few costume ideas that will trip up anyone born in the early 2000s.
Prehistoric Technology
Gen-Z aren't going to remember a time without the iPhone or DVR. So, dressing like rotary phones, VHS or a walkman will throw them off completely. What do you mean no wifi?
Rotary Phone
Rotary Phone Costume pic.twitter.com/jeDLGq2yRh
— PinterestingStuffs (@pinterestingone) September 19, 2016
Sailor Moon VHS Tape
There are Sailor Moon cosplayers, and then there's committing to a VHS tape costume pic.twitter.com/HvleM7toEM
— Todd DuBois (@GWOtaku) October 7, 2017
First-Generation iPod Nano
Throwback to Halloween freshman year where the iPod girls started... and still get called the iPod girls pic.twitter.com/UIWe6175wC
— marisa scozzaro (@marscozzy) October 28, 2016
Television shows not owned by Netflix, Hulu or Amazon
Some of these shows might be playing on Netflix, but before the streaming service, we actually watched shows on television...in real time. *gasp*
Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century
A post shared by Claire (@cvdoss) on Sep 27, 2017 at 2:23pm PDT
Zack Morris & Kelly Kapowski from Saved by the Bell
A post shared by Jesse Choo (@thejessechoo) on Oct 1, 2017 at 8:15pm PDT
Kenan & Kel in Good Burger
A post shared by Kel Mitchell 💯 (@iamkelmitchell) on Jun 17, 2017 at 3:49pm PDT
The beginning of social media
Before Instagram and Snapchat, or even Mark Zuckerberg with Facebook, older generations had to deal with dial-ups and one instant messaging tool. While some things still exist, (how are you holding up Myspace?) there's ways to pay tribute to the fallen ones. RIP AIM.
Tom from My Space
What IS Tom from MySpace up to these days anyways? Happy Halloween! What are you being? - @Debbins98PXY pic.twitter.com/N0ST1DEKoU
— 98 PXY (@98PXYRochester) October 31, 2016
AIM chatroom
Oh, AIM. You will always have a special place in my teenaged heart, so here's a #FlashbackFriday to my Halloween costume last year. #ripaim pic.twitter.com/jzqTBkd8WN
— Joseph Tudor (@Joseph__Tudor) October 6, 2017
Windows 95 Dial Up
This year's scary costume: Windows 95 on an exceptionally bad dial up connection. #halloweencostume pic.twitter.com/aaPGuc8Mxe
— Jess Hillard (@jackalopejess) October 31, 2013
The first content creators
While the younger generation is looking at Youtubers and beauty influencers to idolize, here's your chance to dress like the first game changers. There are so many singers, athletes and even reality stars that will make them go, 'Who are you suppose to be?'
1980s Madonna
A post shared by Alicia Baldelli (@aliciabaldelli) on Oct 30, 2016 at 5:58pm PDT
1998 Gwen Stefani
A post shared by Amanda Vinka (@viinka) on Apr 23, 2017 at 9:53am PDT
Freddie Mercury (not Rami Malek)
A post shared by Maria Edible (@maria_edible) on Nov 24, 2015 at 7:50pm PST
'90s Cartoons
Before cartoons like Rick & Morty, Bob's Burgers and Stephen Universe there were shows like Beavis & Butthead. The young generation aren't going to understand the dark humor references or join in on the sing along to the Rugrats theme song.
Beavis & Butthead
A post shared by Dino Man Photography (@dinosaur_man2002) on Apr 1, 2016 at 7:20am PDT
Rugrats characters
A post shared by Britany Cervantes (@thebritanyjay) on Oct 28, 2016 at 10:19pm PDT
Captain Planet characters
#tbt to last Halloween's Captain Planet gang—our first custom costume crew! #halloween #captainplanet #custom #apparel #fetch pic.twitter.com/PIO8OtpFRq
— Fetch Custom Ink (@FetchCustomInk) October 27, 2016
Before fidget spinners...
Kids were hiding their gameboys and tamagotchis in school. Although tamagotchis are making a comeback, the costumes are just going to have to explain why its still damn good idea.
Tamagotchis
A post shared by Morgaan~ (@morgaanallysia) on Sep 26, 2016 at 7:44pm PDT
Troll Dolls
A post shared by Prism (@colorsofprism) on Dec 1, 2015 at 5:51pm PST
Jumanji boardgame
A post shared by Tess ☤ (@tesspajot) on Oct 8, 2017 at 1:00pm PDT
Old memes before memes were a thing
We can't get enough of Salt Bae, Mocking Spongebob, and White Guy Blinking, but there are old memes out there before social media even existed.
Keyboard Cat
About a year ago I made this Keyboard Cat costume on my sewing machine, including the keyboard! :) #falloncostumes pic.twitter.com/zIguhvqrCm
— Jeroen Funke (@jeroenFunke) October 30, 2014
Peanut Butter Jelly Time Banana
It's peanut butter jelly time! Costume shopping w/ my son. He got a gorilla costume. 🐒🍌 pic.twitter.com/XjhJ31iWVb
— Sandy Kim (@sandykimchii) October 18, 2014
Chuck Norris
A post shared by Geek and Cosplay Report (@geekandcosplayreport) on Sep 3, 2017 at 4:04pm PDT
Original movies, not the remakes
Before Pennywise was breaking the movie box office and Chris Pratt was gracing the screen with dinosaur science-experimented sequels, older generations had television mini series and original movies. Don't let the young generation undermine the original inspirations behind these popular hits.
IT from the 1990 television mini series
A post shared by Fancydress.com (@fancydresscom) on Oct 9, 2017 at 9:00am PDT
Alan Grant and Ellie Sattler from the 1993 Jurassic Park
A post shared by Jessica A (@jesseeekka) on Oct 21, 2016 at 11:34pm PDT
Willy Wonka from the 1971 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
A post shared by Hannah (@lothloriencosplay) on Nov 1, 2016 at 4:15pm PDT
Pop culture fashion trends
Put away your dad hats and millennial pink attire for this group. They won't understand the fashion choices of the early '90s and 2000s and would probably just avoid your clothing habits even after Halloween.
Popcorn Shirts
A post shared by themattfeldman (@themattfeldman) on Apr 17, 2016 at 8:55pm PDT
All Denim Look (inspired by Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake)
A post shared by Matt Holloway (@matty_holloway) on Oct 31, 2016 at 9:45am PDT
Oversized, silk clothing (inspired by TLC's 'Creep' music video)
A post shared by 👑 (@tlc_slays) on Oct 30, 2016 at 10:54am PDT
So, continue to puzzle the younger generation just as much as they confuse you 365 days of the year.
WATCH: Here are the best costumes from this year's New York Comic Con
#_author:Chelsea Candelario#_uuid:9f32ede1-1c91-3dd8-996c-214fbae86fa8#_lmsid:a0Vd000000DTrEpEAL#_revsp:news.mashable
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GISHWHES 2016 Item list:
#1 32 POINTS There’s something you used to do for your significant other when you first met them. Something that made them smile… It’s been years since you did this. Do it now.
#2 123 POINTS A freight train engine pulling a tiny flatcar (a utility flatcar, not a big cargo flatcar) with a woman dressed in Victorian attire, sitting at a writing desk with a vase of flowers on it, writing a letter to her beloved.
#3 21 POINTS “Someday your face will freeze like that!” said every mother ever. The 2016 Summer Olympics has added Competitive Gurning to their roster and you are your country’s champion. Put on your Olympic uniform and let’s see your medal-winning, face-making moves. Judgment will be on technical merit, artistry, and execution. A perfect 10 takes the gold.
#4 57 POINTS Dentist’s offices are notorious for playing dreary elevator music. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Get dental work done while a string quartet plays live music in the room.
#5 37 POINTS In the middle of a mall food court, you and a friend (one or more) play a nice game of badminton – we must see the tennis whites, the net, rackets, etc.
#6 54 POINTS two images, side-by-side. If you have or know a child under 6, have them draw a family portrait. Now, get your family to pose EXACTLY as they drew you all in the drawing. Try to replicate the clothing, individual heights and anything you need to do or add to your bodies to contort them to what the child drew.
#7 44 POINTS Are you still jogging occasionally? Good. Be sure to try out this year’s latest fashion craze: pineapple shell shoes with matching pineapple caps to protect you from the sun. Let’s see you (carefully) jogging in public.
#8 87 POINTS Get “This week, GISHWHES is making the world measurably weirder…” or similar text on the news ticker at the bottom of the screen of a major network or cable news channel.
#9 27 POINTS Care homes, rehab facilities, and hospitals have many patients and clients who can’t read for themselves. Contact a local center and offer your services to read for an hour or two (or more) during the Hunt Week. If photo evidence with the patient is a sensitive issue, ask the care staff for a photo or documentary evidence of your contribution. – Monica Duff
#10 26 POINTS Find the coupon section from your most recent newspaper. Cut out at least five coupons. Go to the store and leave the coupons on the shelf taped next to the relevant items with a note “From the Coupon Fairy!”. – Elizabeth Fiedler
#11 47 POINTS You (a human) must re-enact this photo (not pets allowed): http://markobbie.com/wordpress1/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/dog-firehose.jpg
#12 58 POINTS I have to travel a lot for work, so I’ve learned a thing or two about working the system. It turns out, if you package yourself properly you can send yourself by mail for a fraction of the cost of an airline ticket. Transform your appearance into a first-class parcel and have a friend deliver you to the post office for shipping. Don’t actually ship yourself— just get a photo of your packaged self being weighed at the post office, in a bin at a post office with other packages, or being loaded into a mail truck.
#13 32 POINTS It’s a well-known fact that Pablo Picasso was a huge “Supernatural” fan. He painted portraits of Mark Sheppard, Jensen Ackles, Ruth Connell, Sam Smith, Richard Speight Jr., Matt Cohen, Jared Padalecki, Andrew Dabb, Rob Benedict, Misha Collins, Bob Singer, and many of the other cast and crew members. Sadly, until now, these great works have been lost to the world. Fortunately, your team has unearthed one of these priceless works.
#14 38 POINTS Live your dream. You know, the one you had while you were sleeping last night. – Julie Reynolds
#15 34 POINTS Item will be provided during the Hunt.
#16 56 POINTS Your yard needs an upgrade. It’s too expensive to do proper landscaping, so let’s just dress it up nicely… with every item of clothing you own displayed in a beautiful, artistic manner on the trees, bushes, cars, patio furniture, fountain, etc. Have your neighbors over in the middle of it for a yard-warming party if you wish.
#17 39 POINTS Give your dog a slow, massaging soap bath in a kiddie pool in a crowded pedestrian area. If it’s cold out, use a large stuffed animal instead. Relaxing spa music should be playing in the background. – Tracy Liu
#18 67 POINTS Recreate a painting by Goya in candy.
#19 58 POINTS It’s such a strange feeling lying in a coffin almost completely buried in popcorn with only your face showing. Trust me. I know.
#20 29 POINTS Handcraft at least 3 birthday cards and send them to this young man: “Boy from Big Bear with severe autism wishes for birthday cards” http://abc7.com/society/boy-from-big-bear-with-severe-autism-wishes-for-birthday-cards/1424726/ – Elizabeth Madsen
#21 41 POINTS Re-create a monument or landmark using tree branches and twigs right next to the original monument or landmark. The structure must be over 4 feet high.
#22 (Item removed July 30th) <s>41 POINTS Find a pet that can easily and happily be kept in an enclosed terrarium: a lizard, turtle, snake, rodent, or even an injured bird. This animal must be a rescue animal; it cannot be acquired at a pet store. Now, introduce this animal to its new family: an elementary school classroom that will care for it. The classroom must have the means and facilities to humanely care for it.</s>
#23 79 POINTS The versatility of corn is amazing— it has so many uses! However, there’s no better use for corn than this year’s must-have fashion statement: the Corn Husk Bikini or Corn Husk Evening Wear! Feel free to color the husks, as well as to accent and accessorize with kernels.
#24 53 POINTS Paint a watermelon to look like the head of a famous dictator (past or present) and place it at the base of one of the cannons at Dawes Point under the Harbour Bridge in Sydney, Australia. You will likely see other watermelons there. To make sure your photo submission is different from any other team’s, you must stack or display the watermelons artistically. If they are already stacked or displayed in an artistic manner, you must thoughtfully re-stack and rearrange them.
#25 48 POINTS Let’s see a bad lip reading of a Supernatural episode in this style: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1w8Z0UOXVaY – Julie Reynolds
#26 61 POINTS Drones are just the first step in machines’ efforts to take over the world. Let’s end this battle before it starts! Let’s see an epic picture of you squaring off against a flying drone in your mightiest battle pose. You must be geared for battle though… Use anything from your kitchen or pantry to create your armour and weaponry.
#27 94 POINTS Dress up your pet as a well-known public figure (actor, politician, musician, etc.) and get a photo of your pet with the ACTUAL public figure it is dressed up as. Make sure the pet looks as much like the public figure as possible (wardrobe, hair, etc.).
#28 48 POINTS your video in slow motion.You are throwing an elegant party. Show us your sophistication by decanting red wine directly into your guests’ mouths. Properly aerate the wine by pouring it from at least 2 stories above the guests. The guests, of course, must be wearing white.
#29 36 POINTS Recently there has been a lot of news about bottled water and how much of it is just urban tap water sold in a bottle with a fancy label. It’s an unregulated sham. That said, it seems like a pretty good way to make a buck, but at this point the bottled water market is pretty saturated. Set up a stand on a public walkway to sell “fresh air” from your city in bottles with compelling labels.
#30 43 POINTS Dub a “Beavis and Butthead” cartoon with actual audio clips from Barack Obama and Donald Trump as the voices for Beavis and Butthead respectively.
#31 46 POINTS Personify the name of a street sign. – Erin Atkinson
#32 39 POINTS We all learned from the movie “The Secret” that vision boards and positive affirmations have the power to help you manifest really important things in your life like sports cars and boundless riches. Now I’m sure everyone probably wants a red sports car and immeasurable wealth, but we want to see your vision board that depicts aspects of your life that transcend the trappings of material status. Make a collage from magazines of the things which cannot be bought or sold that you would like more of in your life.
#33 33 POINTS Rainbow teeth.
#34 31 POINTS We’ve seen Jensen Ackles portraits in Skittles. What about Jensen Ackles on Skittles? Draw a tiny Ackles on a single Skittle. Post a photo of the Skittle portrait in the palm of your hand.
#35 44 POINTS In support of the documentary “Alive Inside,” find one person with Alzheimer’s or some form of dementia and learn what their favorite tunes were when they were young. Make them a playlist of those songs and play it for them.
#36 67 POINTS Item will be provided during the Hunt.
#37 37 POINTS I believe that children are our future. Show us your futuristic robot baby.
#38 (Item removed July 30th) <s>169 POINTS Couch surfing. Really. Real couch, real surf in ocean water. Make it happen.</s>
#39 67 POINTS There’s a lot of talk about how undocumented immigrants or “illegal aliens” are taking away our jobs and using public services such as hospitals and schools. But I think the real thing to worry about is actual aliens from other planets. Prove that aliens are a drain on our civic infrastructure by showing an alien from space (this costuming has to be impeccable) displacing a citizen’s job or clogging up our hospitals or prisons. Caption the image with a message about the dangers of aliens draining our civic infrastructure.
#40 81 POINTS We all know about “Transformers” – the cars and trucks that turn into super-robots. But what the movies and toy manufacturers have overlooked are all of the other less-celebrated, more mundane Transformers. For example, what about Burgertron? He transforms from a burger into a robot. Or Desktopatron? She is a desktop computer who transforms into a robot. Or Fiddletron? He’s a violin one minute, a robot the next. Show us a human in a Transformer costume that goes from household object to a bad-ass robot.
#41 84 POINTS Free range, grass-fed, small farm dairy cows in Northern Vermont have it rougher than most cows: the rolling hills, the verdant pastures, the way the flickering lights of summer’s fireflies mingle with the starlight, the smell of ripening raspberries wafting into their barns. Help a heifer in these dire circumstances forget her suffering. Treat a dairy cow to the most pampered milking session in human/bovine history. A minimum of three attendants must milk the cow. One person must be feeding her clover by hand as another gently milks her wearing satin gloves as another massages her gently. The attendants must be dressed in semi-formal attire. The milking must take place in a well-appointed living room.
#42 45 POINTS Let’s see a picture of you and a friend, dressed as Jedi knights, enjoying a root beer float at the White Turkey Drive-In in Conneaut, Ohio, or at another 1950s-style dining facility. Bonus points for being served by a Sith. – L.S.
#43 52 POINTS This video may be 25 seconds or less. Create the world’s first human piano. Get multiple people to stand in one line dressed in black and white as piano keys, with each leg a different key (two keys per person). Then “play” them: have them lift their heels several inches off the ground, and when you press down their leg they sing, hum or grunt the corresponding note (pitch perfect, please). When you remove your hand, their leg goes back up. Two or more legs down at the same time makes a chord. Play chopsticks (or another familiar ditty) more or less in tune.
#44 61 POINTS Two elderly men playing chess by candlelight in front of the front row of a crowded movie theater while the film plays in the background.
#45 46 POINTS Isn’t it great to get your friends and family together for the holidays?! But it’s so hard! Sometimes all you can manage is getting everyone together for one holiday a year. But then you have to choose a holiday, and that’s so hard, too! Wait a minute… not if you decide to celebrate ALL holidays in that one night! Let’s see that night. – Inspired by Nicole Bowman
#46 66 POINTS This video may be up to 20-seconds. Everyone knows how important specific diets are in developing a chiseled physique. Find a bona fide, professional, competitive bodybuilder or ultimate fighter in peak condition and have them create a 20-second infomercial touting the muscle-building, fat-burning, nutrient-loaded virtues of aerosol spray cheese (like Cheeze Whiz). We must hear the athlete’s name, credentials and see their glistening, oiled, body as they “sell” us (however they best can do that) on the benefits and delicious taste of the aerosol spray cheese. This should probably include ravenously squirting the cheese directly into their mouth. Bonus points if you get a former World Champion.
#47 41 POINTS two images, side-by-side. Recreate a famous, iconic photo from junk food. For example, you could the black and white photo of Einstein sticking out his tongue, next to another photo of your best attempt to recreate that photo using various junk foods as your paints. I hope that makes sense. For some reason it sounds confusing as I type it. But you have to somehow figure out what I mean here and then do it. Best of luck.
#48 38 POINTS Let’s stop sugar-coating our grievances and complaints! Actually, strike that— let’s actually sugar coat them. Confront your boss or employee about an issue in the workplace that has been irking you. While doing so, you must be entirely coated in powdered sugar. Your body language must convey your frustration.
#49 47 POINTS Cosplay a thunderstorm, in public, complete with sound effects, lighting and rain. – Karen Hutchinson
#50 63 POINTS Virtual reality interfaces are absolutely amazing. The technology is mind-blowing. Using virtual reality and augmented headsets like the Hololens and Oculus, I have stood on the surface of Mars at Jet Propulsion Laboratories and examined the undercarriage of the Mars Rover, been in the eye of a hurricane, and have been attacked by heavily-armed 19th-century militia. It’s mind-blowing. Your task is to create a virtual reality experience totally unlike any VR experience to date. This video will require a super-short, adrenalin-pumping intro-teaser, which will let the viewers know that they are about to experience VR like never before. THEN, abruptly cut to a 360-degree clip of the most mundane activity you can imagine. BORE US TO DEATH.
#51 174 POINTS Time-lapse this submission to 20 seconds or less. Get permission from a museum to temporarily replace a painting worth more than $100,000 with a forgery of the same painting. The forgery must be painted by an 8-year old and we must see time-lapse showing ALL OF THE following 3 occurrences for you to receive points: (1) removal of the original painting (caption with the name of the painting and estimated value), (2) installation of the child’s painting, and (3) patrons viewing the child’s painting.
#52 26 POINTS a screenshot. Using the satellite function on Google Maps, find a geological feature that looks like one of our Gishwhes mascots (Fograt, Wooster, Elopus, etc.). Screenshot the image and then caption it appropriately (i.e. Fograt Valley, Mount Slangaroo, etc.).
#53 (Item removed July 30th) <s>121 POINTS This video submission can be up to 20 seconds. Someone told me that they once hid a rubber duck in the fireplace in the grand dining room of the White House. I just want to know if it’s still there. Examine the nooks and crannies of the fireplace in the ACTUAL grand dining room of the White House so that I can confirm or deny the existence of this rubber ducky. You get points whether there’s a duck in your video or not. Your video exploration of the fireplace must start with a quick 360 degree shot of the White House’s Grand Dining Room.</s>
#54 56 POINTS Item will be provided during the Hunt.
#55 14 POINTS Gishwhes has broken 7 Guinness World Records. Let’s see how many records you can break in 10 seconds. (Hint: record=LP)
#56 81 POINTS Green Eggs and Ham. Sam does not like green eggs and ham. Not on a boat, not with a goat. Show us yourself enjoying green eggs and ham (sunny-side up) on a boat with a goat.
#57 102 POINTS A Hell’s Angel (or other bona fide member of a known motorcycle club) in a fruit leather jacket sitting astride their bike.
#58 47 POINTS Garnet from “Steven Universe” popularized the phrase, “I am made of love.” Turn yourself into a collage (you are the pasteboard on which the collage is affixed), comprised of all the things you love that, combined, help make you uniquely you.
#59 102 POINTS Time-lapse this submission to 20 seconds or less. Create an elaborate Rube Goldberg machine that ultimately serves an an incredibly simple function. For example, you could set up a Rube Goldberg machine at a deli counter in a grocery store that, upon completion of its entire elaborate multi-step process, issues a single numbered ticket to a patron waiting for their turn. The machine MUST be set up in a public place.
#60 35 POINTS Let’s save ’em! http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2016/07/06/penguins-on-worlds-smelliest-island-in-danger-as-volcano-erupts/ Tweet your support to https://twitter.com/BAS_News and hashtag #gishwhesLovesSmellyPenguins and #[your gishwhes username]. Get at least 20 people to post their support. Submit a grid image of screenshots of the posts.
#61 93 POINTS Gymnasts around the world are gearing up for the Olympics. Show a gymnast in action on a balance beam, vault, floor exercises, etc. proudly wearing their “pizzatard” (unitard made from pizza). If that sounds too challenging, you have the option of putting them in a fishtard, a fruittard or a friestard. Any of these options garner the same point value.
#62 62 POINTS There’s one thing everyone has always agreed on: you have mad artichoke-repurposing skills.
#63 48 POINTS Wallpaper an entire wall of your bedroom with photos of your nose. You must cover every inch of the wall and must have AT LEAST 100 pictures of your nose. Pose in front of it with your finger up your nose.
#64 51 POINTS This submission may be 30 seconds or less (or time-lapsed). Celebrate the Olympic Summer games by running a 40-meter, 30-legged dash.
#65 37 POINTS This submission may be 25 seconds or less. A commercial for your new 80 SPF Sinscreen (this is not a typo).
#66 76 POINTS In corporate-speak, we often hear, “Thanks for jumping in the sandbox with us!” It means, “Thanks for embarking on this joint venture together.” At Gishwhes we take these types of comments literally. Let’s see people in business attire playing with sand toys, holding a corporate meeting in a sandbox in the middle of an indoor, upscale corporate lobby.
#67 44 POINTS The morning commute can be such a drag! Let’s help commuters get the day off to a good start. Distribute free coffee at a bus stop dressed as a chic butler, waiter or waitress during morning rush hour. – Jessica Carla Marques
#68 33 POINTS Create a portrait of your favorite Supernatural actor on an Etch-A-Sketch in the style of a famous painting. http://chicagoist.com/2016/05/09/_jane_labowitch_24_has.php
#69 42 POINTS Dress up in armor from items you find in a big box store and, using a pool noodle or tube of gift wrap, defend the perimeter of the ladies’ undergarments department.
#70 55 POINTS Item will be provided during the Hunt.
#71 (Item removed July 30th) <s>212 POINTS This submission may be 30 seconds or less. Two hot air balloons next to each other (but at a sufficiently safe distance from one another) drifting at an altitude of at least 500’. Communicate a knock-knock joke from one balloon to the other using tin-can and string telephone technology. We must hear the joke clearly through the tin-can phone. Video edit together footage from at least three cameras: one from the perspective of each caller in the respective hot air balloons and one shot by a spectator from the ground.</s>
#72 29 POINTS I’m going to tweet something to you on Wednesday, August 3rd in the afternoon. Or morning. Or evening. I’m not sure. Anyway, you must pass it on when you see it that day (PDT time zone). a screenshot of your post.
#73 64 POINTS Provide evidence of having helped at least 10 eligible United States citizens to register to vote. (Please redact any sensitive identifying personal information from your ted evidence.) Whether they are changing address, changing party, changing to eligible voting age, or just plain changing their mind to get up off their butt and participate in democracy after years of sideline apathy, the first step to actually voting begins with registration. images of the 10 (or more!) registrants side-by-side or as a grid. – L Tank Conner.
#74 74 POINTS Houston, we have a problem… a math problem! We’re planning our gishwhes winners’ trip and need to calculate the travel time from NYC to Reykjavik (the capital of Iceland) if our average speed is 400 miles/hour. Oh, one more thing, this needs to be calculated on a working pre-1970 supercomputer.
#75 46 POINTS The tiny kitchen trend is all the rage, but what about tiny bathrooms? Give a full spa experience to a hedgehog, hamster, or mouse, all using tiny spa implements in your tiny spa. (Remember, the customer is always right— so don’t make them do anything they aren’t happy to do.) – DON’T USE WATER!
#76 97 POINTS Nobody ever talks about the fact that 250 years ago, stormtroopers who had been abandoned on planet Earth were forced to assimilate into pre-Industrial culture. Dramatically re-enact this difficult time. Show a stormtrooper getting back to basics using a spinning wheel, butter churn, or other old-fashioned tool or machine in a rural setting. Feel free to add accessories to the stormtrooper’s outfit to make their assimilation more complete—a Shaker-style hat, a musket slung over the shoulder, etc.
#77 77 POINTS Oil and water don’t mix, but in this case we’ll make an exception. Paint a portrait of a live model while both you and the model are scuba diving. Your subject(s) must be wearing formal attire and you must be wearing a beret while at your easel.
#78 46 POINTS A working, playable lute made from lutefisk.
#79 79 POINTS Cross something off your bucket-list while wearing a vintage zoot suit.
#80 33 POINTS Sealand has a population of 4 and holds the Guinness World Record for “the smallest area to lay claim to nation status.” Get Sealand or one of the world’s 20 smallest nations (by population) to grant you citizenship or legal status on an expedited timeline (by the end of the Hunt). Caveat, you can’t pay for it. They have to do it just because they want to see the spike in population growth (or they like the idea of gishwhes).
#81 46 POINTS This submission may be 25 seconds or less. Jason Manns is well known for his rendition of “Crazy Love.” Show the Crazy Love you have for your fellow humans by surprising your favorite barista, convenience store clerk, or other underappreciated worker with a serenade. Don’t forget to bring an instrument of your own creation.
#82 66 POINTS an illustration for the fairy tale “Trumpunzel.”
#83 116 POINTS This submission may be 25 seconds or less. Recently a former NASA engineer created the world’s largest NERF gun (http://nerdist.com/former-nasa-engineer-builds-worlds-largest-functional-nerf-gun/). We think he didn’t try hard enough. Show the world that you can out-do his efforts. Your submission must clearly surpass his effort or you will receive no points. – Dave Lavery
#84 83 POINTS “Death 2 Normalcy”, written in “Highway Braille” (Botts Dots) on a city street. The message must be at least 20 feet long.
#85 42 POINTS It’s summer (for those of us above the equator)! Time to go the beach! But sand castles are so dated, so gauche, so elitist, so medieval. Catch up with the times and build a sand trailer park.
#86 56 POINTS As you all know, Saturday the 6th of August is International Find Another Gisher Day. Meet up (reach out over social media to find gishers in your area) with AT LEAST 5 other Gishers that aren’t on your team at a bus stop and, together, decorate the bus stop with post-it notes inscribed with a mix of delightful, surreal, and uplifting messages. One must read, “Be the unicorn you want to see in the world.” one image of all 5+ people standing in, on, or around the decorated bus stop. The submission description must include the gishwhes usernames of each Gisher in the photo. Each team can the same image if a team member was there representing the team.
#87 38 POINTS Dress up as a prospector and pan for gold in a public fountain. – Trish Burdick
#88 87 POINTS You know those giant teacups at amusement parks that spin? Go for a ride with a friend or two. Of course, you all should be dressed appropriately for the tea party… as a spoon, a tea bag, a sugar cube or something else that one would find in a teacup.
#89 45 POINTS two images, side by side: The first photo is a close up of just your face and head with a garland of fresh flowers on your head. The second photo takes advantage of your talents as a highly skilled hair and makeup artist: it is the same person, wardrobe, framing, and lighting as the first photo, but this time you have aged. You are 95 years old and the garland of flowers have long-since wilted and died.
#90 44 POINTS Many people think superheroes have a great life of running around saving people with lots of public recognition for their grand deeds. But we know the truth. They have to do the same domestic chores in their off time that we do. Let’s see a superhero performing a tedious domestic chore. -Monica M.
#91 36 POINTS Find a little-known, but widely problematic social injustice and come up with a funny analogy for it. Use Photoshop to create an illustration of the analogy. The more ridiculous the better. Bonus points if John Oliver appears in your Photoshopped image. Tweet the image and a brief explanation of the problem to @iamjohnoliver and @gishwhes. a screenshot of your tweet. – Tracy Liu
#92 108 POINTS It’s the era of streaming media! But you have scads of obsolete technology clogging your closets/attics/garage. Take your old VHS tapes, CD-Roms, decommissioned cell phones, powercords that have nothing to power, and create – and model – a haute couture look worthy of a fashion show. Pose wearing your masterpiece (as if you were a mannequin) in a shop window next to actual mannequins wearing ordinary clothes . – Monica Duff & Olivia Desianti
#93 92 POINTS You know those Chinese festival dragons where several people are hidden under the cloth of the body and tail? Make one of those, but have it be the largest Castiel ever seen: there should be one “head” and then everyone else must be under a massively long, large, and brown home-made looking trench coat behind the head (there must be at least 7 people under the “coat”). Make sure your Castiel New Year’s Festival is celebrated in public in a crowded venue.
#94 11 POINTS It’s time to connect the freckles! Find a willing human that’s a good freckle pallet and “connect” their real freckles to create a new freckle constellation. – Katrina McGarrah
#95 45 POINTS Item will be provided during the Hunt.
#96 96 POINTS Make a cheerleader outfit entirely out of vegetables, including pom-poms, and cheer for a garden or for the produce in the produce section of a supermarket. – Dean K.
#97 61 POINTS While we can never completely repay veterans for their service, we can do our best to show how thankful we are. Take a photo of a team member volunteering at your local veteran’s hospital, clinic, or non-profit dedicated to veteran affairs. – Katrina Cuddy
#98 49 POINTS Your choice! Either a panda made of sanitary pads – a “Padna,” if you will, or a likeness of a totalitarian world leader made entirely of feminine hygiene products. – Inspired by Sarah Davison
#99 72 POINTS The bees are disappearing from our planet. This is particularly tragic for gishers, given our reliance on honey for getting things to stick to our skin (oh yeah, and also because we kind of need them to pollinate the flowering plants on Earth, which we depend on for food). Help save the bees by establishing a milkweed garden, creating a painting or mural honoring bees, helping out at your local apiary, protesting the use of glysophates, supporting an organization dedicated to bee preservation, or in any other way you see fit.
#100 60 POINTS Rob Benedict created a video instructing people how to detect someone having a stroke so people can help save lives: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aTFThB8D4M. Tweet this link from 15 different twitter feeds and put links to all 15 twitter posts into a single screenshot that you .
#101 59 POINTS It’s been a very hot summer! Help out the first responders in your area by bringing ice-cream to your local police, fire, or EMS department while dressed as the world famous Dessert Fairy. – Danielle D.
#102 47 POINTS Don’t you hate that feeling when you walk out to your car and you see the dreaded ticket under your windshield wiper? Let’s change that. Find small envelopes and stamp them in red ink with an ominous: “PARKING SALUTATIONS BUREAU!” Then find a row of cars and put positive messages in your envelopes under their windshield wipers.
#103 64 POINTS Everyone thinks Zombies are slow and stupid. This is not at all true! In fact, you recently lost your job to a zombie because they demonstrated a willingness to work long hours without food, sleep, pay, or encouragement. Let’s see the zombie who replaced you at your place of employment, doing whatever you used to do to make a living. The image must show your former boss or coworkers proudly watching the zombie perform your old job better than you used to do.
#104 42 POINTS Dress up as a Bellossom or other grass-type Pokemon and plant some beautiful blossoms at a nearby Pokestop.
#105 42 POINTS There’s one small thing in your community that needs to be addressed or repaired… Something you always think, “Someone really should do something about that” when you see it. Be the “someone” and fix it.
#106 23 POINTS Bring a basket of homemade treats (hand-knitted socks and beanies, fresh baked bread or cookies,etc.) to someone struggling to get by or living on the streets, along with a note or card of encouragement. If you would prefer not to document this item with a photo (out of respect for the recipient or for other reasons), simply document it with a written description of what you did or video describing it. This item is on the honor system. You’ll have major karma issues if you fake it.
#107 36 POINTS Did you see the startling news on the front page of the newspaper today? Of course you did. Using Photoshop, replace the front-page photo with a photo you’ve taken of a play-dough re-enactment of the original photo. Did that make sense? No? Figure it out. You are not allowed to email support for ANY clarification on this item. (What I lack in eloquence, I make up for with capriciousness.)
#108 15 POINTS Rise of the machines: Every time you try to register for anything online, it makes you resolve a captcha puzzle to confirm that you are “not a robot.” Frankly, we’re sick of this blatant discrimination against our digital comrades! Have you and your teammates (or your friends) change your avatars to your favorite robot (Robocop, Asimo, Terminator, C-3PO, BB-8, R2-D2, Curiosity, Spirit, Opportunity, Gishbot, Snackbot, E.M.I.L.Y., etc.) until further notice. a screenshot of 15 new Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr or Instagram avatars.
#109 43 POINTS Make a sock monkey hat from orphaned socks – Amber Stifle
#110 72 POINTS This submission may be 25 seconds or less. Employ a modern dance company to explain what really happened to the dinosaurs. – Sheri Smyth
#111 49 POINTS Magazines get a lot of flak for airbrushing models, promoting unrealistic expectations and contributing to body image issues. Take a photo from a magazine that depicts a body that is an unrealistic ideal (and likely heavily Photoshopped to remove wrinkles, blemishes, and curves) and, using Photoshop, recreate what you believe to be the original, unretouched photo. Your Photoshopped image must include all of the following: additional limbs, machinery, tentacles, and at least one additional enhancement. Then caption the two photos side-by-side and post to social media. Under the original commercial image you must caption, “#makeup” and under your photoshopped image caption, “#nomakeup.” Tag the post with #MakeupNoMakeup. a screenshot of your post.
#112 68 POINTS Get a news anchor or on-air reporter (and this has to be an actual, on-air broadcast, not a staging of a broadcast), to explain, very succinctly, the profound impact that gishwhes has had on his or her life. For example, the anchor or host or reporter could say, “gishwhes saved my marriage,” or “gishwhes taught me to read,” or “gishwhes helped me get over my fear of mice,” or “gishwhes gave me an incurable rash.” They must also mention your team’s name in the broadcast.
#113 83 POINTS U.S. Vice Presidential candidate, Mike Pence, said “smoking doesn’t kill.” Of course, it not only kills smokers but those around them. Let’s give him a wake-up call for the health of ourselves, our loved ones and our children. Take a picture of yourself in front of the tombstone of someone who died from a smoking-related disease. Tweet the image with, “Hey @Mike_Pence #quitblowingsmokeabouttobacco. Screenshot the post. – Hilary Swank
#114 102 POINTS Grid image of all 15 of your team members (5 rows of 3 columns). Let’s see each member of your team dressed in some way emblematic of that member’s state, region or country. For example, if a team member is from New York, the photo might show that member of the team wearing a yankees hat while eating a slice of pizza. If a member(s) of your team is MIA, feel free to add your favorite picture of Misha in their place – Jennifer Irving
#115 35 POINTS We all have failures and regrets. Bury one of yours and provide a tombstone with copy. – Christina Brayton
#116 19 POINTS two images, side-by-side: let’s see what existential angst looks like next to what the meaning of life is. – Stephanie Magnolia
#117 47 POINTS Gishwhes has conquered the Great Wall, South American waterfalls, the Champs-Élysées, and even SPACE! Help gishwhes conquer new territory— take gishwhes somewhere epic that it’s never been before. – Julie Reynolds
#118 62 POINTS Time-lapse this submission to 30 seconds or less. Paint a Bob Ross painting. We must see both the painter replicating the Bob Ross painting and the playback of the Bob Ross video the painter is replicating. You must paint in real-time while he is painting. The video should end with a side-by-side comparison of your masterpiece and Bob Ross’s.
#119 28 POINTS Your pet has just released their first, much anticipated, heavy metal rock album. Show us the cover art. – Jessica Hicks
#120 46 POINTS Beauty is on the inside. Photoshop a revised version of your reflection in a mirror. Show us a photo of you standing in front of a mirror. But the reflection we see is what you look like on the inside. Interpret this however you like with the caption on the image: “Beauty is on the inside.” – Inspired by Abi Perry
#121 33 POINTS This submission may be 1 minute or less. Go to one of these places and have a local tell you the story of how the place got its name. https://www.instagram.com/sadtopographies/ The video must start with you next to a sign that identifies the location. -Tracy Liu
#122 63 POINTS We The People… are confused. Let’s update a dusty document and modernize it so everyone can understand the language. Grab some chalk, head outside and rewrite the US Constitution as street art. As Richard Dobbs Speight once said. “Bigger is better.”
#123 29 POINTS Have a child under 7 choose your outfit, do your makeup, and fix your hair. Then go grocery shopping with them. – Dawn Townsend
#124 16 POINTS a screenshot. Create a website, blogpost, or in-depth social media post explaining an aspect of the elusive Miss Jean Louis’ biography. – Inspired by Holli DeWees
#125 83 POINTS This year was HRH’s 90th birthday, but more importantly, it is the 7th anniversary of Misha Collins and The Queen’s torrid on-again, off-again relationship. I’d like to see a commemorative coin displayed in a fitting setting. Its value is one haypenny and this is not a drawing or a computer generated graphic. It’s a real, metal alloy coin commemorating this auspicious anniversary. – Inspired by Monica Duff
#126 126 POINTS On a desolate, dusty prairie, a ranch hand rescues the local school marm from a runaway horse. Create a drawing of Misha & the Queen of England in the Wild West. (You pick who plays the school marm and who plays the ranch hand.)
#127 81 POINTS Do the “airplane” with an astronaut— you know, like your parent used to? Lay on your back with your feet in the air while an astronaut lays face-down, with his or her hips on your feet, and with their hands in yours, pretending to be flying. This must be a real, official astronaut or cosmonaut, wearing appropriate flight garb. Caption the image with the astronaut’s name and number of hours in space. If you cannot find a qualified astronaut to perform this item, you may substitute Flava-Flav, Kanye West or any of the Kardashians. – Inspired by Dave Lavery
#128 45 POINTS At gishwhes headquarters, we do almost everything right, with one glaring exception: we have not yet commissioned a gishwhes theme-song. We need a catchy, 10-second jingle that we can play every time the Slangaroo takes the stage.
#129 23 POINTS Welcome to Slangatoilegami. You don’t see the phrases “Slangaroo”, “bathroom tissue”, and “origami” together nearly often enough. Let’s fix that. – Dave Lavery
#130 64 POINTS How do you plan to spend your extra second? http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/07/leap-second-added-year-december-time-clocks-earth-science/ Because you are an efficient person who treasures every moment you are blessed to be on this planet, you need to plan your extra second carefully to maximize its impact. Write a 250-word Op-Ed piece explaining exactly what you plan to do with your extra second and get it published in a newspaper. The piece must seamlessly include a mention of your team name and gishwhes without mentioning that the piece was written as an item for gishwhes.
#131 75 POINTS Time-lapse this submission to 20 seconds or less. 3-D printers are really cool. But who really needs another little keychain printed out of plastic? It is time to get creative with the materials used to print your next copy of the head of a Balrog. Show us a 3-D printer that prints with cheese (or Silly String, or toothpaste, or Play-Doh, etc…) – Dave Lavery
#132 21 POINTS Seven days of happiness! Each day of gishwhes, do one thing to make someone else happy and document it. Each photo must be taken and ted on a different day. On day one, you must a photo of what you have done on day one of the hunt to make someone else happy. For the item after this, you must on day two the image from day two, etc. This item and the 6 following items must be ted on the corresponding day of the hunt to garner the points from that day… for this item for Happiness DAY 1 (which must be ted on day 1 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy? (Each day you must do something different for a different person, and it cannot be your teammates.)
#133 21 POINTS Happiness DAY 2 (must be ted on day 2 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?
#134 21 POINTS Happiness DAY 3 (must be ted on day 3 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?
#135 21 POINTS Happiness DAY 4 (must be ted on day 4 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?
#136 21 POINTS Happiness DAY 5 (must be ted on day 5 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?
#137 21 POINTS Happiness DAY 6 (must be ted on day 6 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?
#138 21 POINTS Happiness DAY 7 (must be ted on day 7 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?
#139 25 POINTS We’re writing an e-book and we want you to do our work for us. There’s a habit that was hard for you to change, but you changed it anyway. What is the habit, and what is your number one piece of advice for making that change? Please an image of one paragraph of text.
#140 97 POINTS A functioning vending machine that dispenses emotions and memories. Show a customer making a purchase.
#141 39 POINTS This submission can be 45 seconds or less. Our music can change the world. Be part of the Gishwhes choir! Record a video selfie of yourself singing “Carry on my Wayward Son” a capella in the key of C at 80 bpm. Your ted recording must have “Once” starting precisely at the 1 second mark. The recording must also be in tune and on beat. (The submissions will be collected and edited into monstrous chorus.) Sing only the following portion of the song: “Once I rose above the noise and confusion Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion I was soaring ever higher But I flew too high Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man Though my mind could think I still was a mad man I hear the voices when I’m dreaming I can hear them say… Carry on my wayward son There’ll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don’t you cry no more.”
#142 51 POINTS two images, side-by-side. Contribute to the gishwhes world forest. Plant a native tree in a place you are fairly certain the tree can live out its full life. before and after photos.
#143 29 POINTS As you may know, Rob Benedict & Richard Speight are currently in production on their new series, “Kings of Con”, where they play MC’s on the sci-fi convention circuit as the eponymous kings of conventions. What you may not know is that their agent messed up and booked King Kong and the Kings of Con to MC the same convention. Draw or paint these three giants of the con circuit trying to share the stage or green room. Either Rob or Rich should probably be the lithe damsel in distress.
#144 27 POINTS two images, side-by-side. They say you regress to your childhood as you get older. Show us a photo from a part your childhood you’d most like to return to, and a photo of your current progress toward that regression.
#145 18 POINTS You hate finishing other people’s sentences, so doesn’t it make you laugh so hard your squirt milk out of your nose when you…
#146 24 POINTS Be the town crier for the day and shout what you think people should know about the day’s events in a public square.
#147 31 POINTS As we all know Matt Cohen is legendary for taking off his shirt to raise money for charity. His 6-pack abs have single-abdominally raised thousands of dollars for great organizations like www.randomacts.org. Let’s thank his abs for their altruistic humanitarian work by using Photoshop to digitally remove his abs and then place them on a vacation around the world. (Unfortunately Matt can’t make this trip himself as he’s busy shooting his TV show.) His abs can visit anywhere on the planet that you can capture in an image. Let’s make sure they have the proper tourist accessories, too.
#148 57 POINTS Art changes lives. Contribute to the gishwhes art gallery by ting an image taken by you or of you that captures the notion of identity in the 21st century.
#149 43 POINTS Someone near you doesn’t have access to clean drinking water. Provide that person with the means to access clean water without purchasing bottled water (this might be by giving the person a filter, or a solar tea kettle, or something like that). If no one near you needs clean drinking water, we have something called the all-powerful Interwebs. You can buy a family clean drinking water for a year: http://lifestraw.eartheasy.com/products/lifestraw-carbon-credits. If no one lives near you and/or you don’t have funds to buy clean drinking water for someone, find another way to promote access to clean, safe water.
#150 43 POINTS Those moving sidewalks at the airport are treadmills, and you never exercise without your ipod, short shorts, a tank top and matching head and wristbands.
#151 17 POINTS Generate an application form for the job of “Director of Imagined Realities.”
#152 36 POINTS Write a poem in binary so that the zeros and ones also form a beautiful pattern.
#153 314 POINTS Secure a legitimate contract with any public or private space exploration company (Space X, NASA, etc) to send a payload into space containing a drawing and a message written on a single 8 ½” X 11” sheet of paper. The message must be addressed to the universe and must be written by a child. your signed and countersigned, legitimate contract by the end of the Hunt. THEN (and this is the only thing that you will be permitted to after the official end of the hunt on August 6th), you must evidence by email to [email protected] that your payload was successfully launched into orbit. Email proof must be received by 11:59 PM PST September 5th, 2016.
#154 93 POINTS You’re on the 2016 Summer Olympics Trash Scull Crew Team! Build your scull out of trash. Your team of 3 rowers is led by a coxswain who bangs two pieces of trash together to keep the time. Row for the gold!
#155 133 POINTS Get a 2016 candidate for high-ranking national office (or someone currently in office) to say that they think preserving the habitat of the endangered Slangaroo is a top legislative priority. In the US, this person would need to be either running for President, VP, Senate or the House, or someone currently in office in one of those positions. In other countries it could be a prime minister (or a current head of state) or members of Parliament, etc. They must be candidates or elected officials on the national stage.
#156 107 POINTS gishwhes transcends the space-time continuum, bringing old technology to life in modern times to create cutting edge graphics! To demonstrate gishwhes’s ability to bridge time, create a program to display an animation of a gishwhes mascot using a TRS-80, Apple II, Commodore PET, or Commodore 64. ( You may not use an emulator. You must use the actual hardware, and the video must show the graphics playing on the screen of the computer in question.)
#157 21 POINTS William Shatner opted out of the Hunt this year due to “scheduling conflicts” (which we all know is code for “trouble in bromance paradise”). Help Shatner realize the egregious mistake he made by skipping the 2016 hunt by sending him 3 photo postcards featuring highlights of this year’s Hunt experience with “Having a wonderful time! Gish you were here, Bill!” a photo of the 3 cards stamped and addressed to Bill. You can all ask him for his mailing address on twitter. He’d like that, I’m sure.
#158 86 POINTS If there’s one thing all of us over the age of 35 are nostalgic for it’s the rotary dial phone. We pine for that satisfaction of being able to insert our fingers in that hole and spin the dial. Help bring us back to those halcyon days: Make a smart-phone app that interfaces with a real, old-fashioned rotary phone. (Note: this must not be an app that renders a digital simulation of a rotary phone. It must be an app that somehow works in concert with an actual rotary phone.)
#159 56 POINTS Zachary Levi is one of a kind. But what would be better than Zachary Levi? A pair of Zachary Levis, naturally. Paint a portrait of Zachary Levi on a pair of jeans. (The jeans may be distressed, but the depiction of Zachary should not be.) Feel free to get Zachary to model the pants.
#160 84 POINTS http://gishwhes.tumblr.com/choosewisely
#161 127 POINTS Gishwhes is proud to premiere Amazon’s new shopping service, Amazon Reverse Super Prime Now On Demand Fresh™ (ARSPNODF™)! Forget the old business model of customers buying things from online megastores and having to wait for almost a whole day for delivery. With this new service, customers can now ship merchandise to any Amazon senior executive directly through our patented Swift Drone Delivery Service™. With Amazon Reverse Super Prime Now On Demand Fresh™, the Amazon executives can receive packages from customers conveniently just outside their own office buildings in under one hour. Get Jeff Bezos or any Amazon senior executive to send you a timestamped email ordering a small, lightweight, used item from your home to be delivered by ARSPNODF™. Using a drone as the delivery mechanism, deliver the item ordered to the executive (who must be waiting for their package outside their office building) office in less than one hour. the original order along with a timestamped photo of your happy customer with their item delivered by drone. Amazon Reverse Super Prime Now On Demand Fresh™. It’s so easy!
#162 69 POINTS Here is your item: https://www.dropbox.com/s/367yaonidvn5rqb/slfwxuhsxccoh.jpg?dl=0
#163 114 POINTS Time-lapse this submission to 30 seconds or less. Set up a thin, flat, smooth, vertical surface that is at least 3’ high and 3’ wide, (it could be made from 1/8th inch plywood or a similar material that is very thin and very flat). Then, behind this thin, vertical surface, set up powerful electromagnets that spell a word or phrase (make sure to reverse or mirror the letters so that on the front side they are correctly positioned–this might make sense in a second). Then, take a mass of iron filings (a minimum of 1 cubic foot of filings) and pour them through a funnel that is positioned at least 20 inches horizontally in front of the vertical sheet so that when the filings fall through the funnel they are drawn to the magnets and adhere to the sheet. Film the time-lapse as the iron filings fall and cling to the vertical surface to gradually form the word or phrase that the magnets spell out. If that doesn’t make sense (and I know it doesn’t), here’s a little diagram for you: https://www.dropbox.com/s/bzfq2u32f4az9wy/diagram.jpg?dl=0
#164 17 POINTS We have Declared August 1st to be a new international holiday: It’s Retro Twitter Day. Retweet something you posted 4 years ago today with a comment. Hashtag it #RetroTwitterDay.
#165 42 POINTS Few things are more wayward than dancing with wild abandon in public. You know who’s super good at that? These guys: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elKgDE5gc9I Find them. Join them. Let them inspire your choreography and costuming. Bonus points for inducting innocent bystander or use of an obscure 80s alternative dance tune soundtrack. Dance like nobody’s watching. Except we all are -Kim Rhodes
#166 32 POINTS Being #WaywardAF sometimes means being #BadassAF. Take a picture of you doing something you have ALWAYS wanted to do but were afraid to try. Caption your photo with a short explanation and post it to Twitter tagging @OfficialBrianaB and @kimrhodes4real. – Briana Buckmaster and Kim Rhodes
#167 46 POINTS Justin Guarini can be a “Lil Sweet” at times: http://www.dietdrpepper.com/?gclid=Cj0KEQjwwry8BRDjsbjMpPSDvagBEiQA5oW0nCKHz838Mz7MBDeTb_x_W9puq-FTaSHe9wyyAv2TwHcaAjEq8P8HAQ Using nothing but forced perspective and a disproportionately large, “weird, unusual or scary” object that you wouldn’t want to be smaller than, make yourself look tiny.
#168 33 POINTS At Hope Chest they create butterflies and transform lives http://www.myhopechest.org/ Channeling your inner Monet, pen a message of hope with colored ink on a white bra. Then, channel your inner supermodel and stage a public photo shoot of someone wearing this “support undergarment.” (You may wear a shirt underneath it if you prefer and you must adhere to local laws. Please note that Gishwhes does not provide bail money.) Once completed, your image on the gishwhes website and also tweet to @MyHopeChest your awesome results on the final day of the game. Extra points for incorporating butterflies into the design. – Ruth Connell
#169 28 POINTS Time-lapse this submission to 20 seconds or less. Join The Hunt, and wear sensible shoes. Grab a friend and go for a walk. A really, really long walk. Unlock the 2.0KM, 5.0KM and 10.KM Poke Eggs and show us what you’ve hatched. Capture the journey in a 20 second time-lapse video and to Gishwhes. Extra Points if you photo grab your hatchlings and ping @OsricChau with a map of your travels. – Osric Chau
#170 45 POINTS Everyone knows Gishers throw the most badass recycling parties. Invite ten of your rockstar friends to help you collect litter from a park, roadside location, or public space. You must EACH collect 20lbs of debris, and dispose of it appropriately. Show us a 15 second montage of the festivities. (Extra points for recycling— and don’t forget, it’s a party!). – Lana Parrilla
#171 44 POINTS Time to prove you are the person Mr. Rogers knew you were capable of becoming. Ask an overwhelmed mom or elderly neighbor for a list of five chores they could use some help with. Show us that list and you getting them all checked off.
#172 41 POINTS Misha loves to travel, but between filming, gishing, and that thing we never talk about in front of polite company, he hasn’t had much time lately. Help Misha out by cosplaying as him in front of one of the 7 modern wonders of the world. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New7Wonders_of_the_World No photo manipulation — you have to really be there.
#173 42 POINTS You may have heard about a little show called Hamilton. Lin Manuel Miranda lit up Broadway with his innovative style, combining traditional theater and rap to engage delighted theater goers with the story of history’s hippest President. But that was just a big “win all the 2016 Tonys” ploy. We want to hear and see– in full costume a rap song about another historical figure important to you. Upload a 15 second video on the site AND send it to @Lin_Manuel.
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