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moral-turpitudes · 4 years

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Unfinished Business: Part 1

Trigger Warnings: Angst, Swearing, Slight mentions of past Abuse, Drugs.

Characters: Thomas Shelby x Reader

+ random character/group I made up (Romboldi & The Black Hats)

Word Count: 3,084 omfg I really did the most but I just kinda ran with it.

Summary: Y/N’s current occupation requires her to encounter Thomas Shelby, a man she thought was in her past for good, but as fate would have it, she has to face him once again, because no one can forget a Shelby.

Requested by: @msbzowy

Summary of request: “...Thomas lost any contact with the reader and one time while on a business deal he meets her because they’re both involved in the business. They would be fighting a lot but eventually something happens between them and the old feelings come back? You can make it sweet or steamy. No specific deal in mind, just like the general idea! Thank you in advance!”

A/N: This was requested as a oneshot but I had so many great ideas for it based off this awesome request, so I figured I’d turn it into a 2 or 3 part fic possibly. Let me know if that’s something you’d want to read. :)

Part 1 | Part 2

Y/n walked down the wooden staircase after receiving a phone call, one hand gliding down the rail, and the other holding her suitcase. Her nerves consuming her as she ran down the hall and out the door of her house in New York. The spring air filling her lungs as she quickly walked to the edge of the street, attempting to hail a cab. As she waved her hand out, she smiled as she saw one stop and handed him some cash for his efforts. She wasn’t much for pointless conversation, especially now. She was on her way to one of the biggest meetings of her career, a career she had found herself in only 2 years prior. It was a job most people wouldn’t want, but it paid well, and since she fled Small Heath, she needed the income and the protection.

Small Heath was a series of bittersweet memories. Seeing her friends at the tailor shops, walking down the dark cobblestone streets, and becoming particularly close to a man named Thomas Shelby. After the war, he got heavily involved in the business, dealing with rival gangs, going after commissioners, committing arson, murder, dealing with bets at the tracks, and breaking hearts most of all. In the matter of heartbreaks, y/n was his first true victim.

As the cab rolled down the city streets, she glanced out the window, remembering all that she left behind.

Tensions in the blinders were running high at the time of her departure from the company, back when they had a business meeting with a rival group, the Black Hats from New York. The blinders wanted to transport weapons and ammo for a cheaper price because of recent financial troubles, but they weren’t having it and the Black Hats declined, but not without blowing up one of Tommy’s supply areas. This smuggling shit was risky business to say the least, as these were being smuggled along with drugs.....snow to be exact. The little blue bottles were like gold, taking away the pain of the day while giving you the energy to go on to the next, sucking you in like a rip-tide at sea until you were consumed by the need for more. She had been all too familiarized with it because Tommy struck a deal with a huge supply of it before she left. He didn’t use it often, but Arthur was a different story.

It came as a shock to her, as she had been dating Tommy for a year before everything came crashing down. She was confronted by him at a family meeting saying that she needed to leave, that she had no place there despite her skills. She was a great shot and was helpful on many occasions, but to have her there would pose a risk they weren’t willing to take after they bombed him. So, in true Tommy fashion, he gave her some money, bought her a boarding pass, and sent her on her way to New York to start a new life, his cold eyes staring as he watched her board the ship, emotionless.

This only fueled her need to get back at him, to show him what he had lost, while also proving to herself that she didn’t need him as much as he needed her. She could make a name for herself, even if that meant working for the enemy.

Pulling up to the brick building, she realized she was now in the belly of the beast, the Black Hats home-turf. She was never seen with the Shelby’s when they visited him in Small Heath, as she was always doing secretary work at Tommy’s place, or perched high on rooftops, aiming at the men below who had came to charlies yard for their meetings. She was always out of sight regarding those men, but now here she was, working for them. She came to them seeking any position, lying about where she came from, supplying them with her forged papers, and even hiding her accent. For as big as this gang was, they weren’t the brightest, as they accepted her in with little apprehension.

She earned a good living for herself though, quickly becoming their main contract killer. She would travel the country and take out the people on their hit list, and in return they’d provide her with housing and a guard that would check in every so often.

As she walked in through the heavy double doors, she nodded to one of the guards who let her through into the leader, Mr. Romboldi’s office. He smiled as she came in, fiddling with his golden ring around his finger.

“Ah there she is...little miss Quick Shot. Nice of you to join us.” He said using her nickname she’d earned among her peers. She could hit a target from various angles and distances without much help and came to like the name she made for herself. Y/n soon nodded and stood at attention like the others, ready for the days orders.

“We have some unfinished business in Small Heath, as I’m sure you’re all aware. It’s been a while since we’ve been overseas, and we’re going to send someone tomorrow to discuss our deal once more as they’ve had recent success in a certain business venture that I’m sure we’d appreciate here.” He said with a serious look in his eyes.

“What venture?” One of the men asked.

“Gin. Buying stocks in it, selling bottles, transporting cross-country, we Americans love our gin and Mr. Shelby has a new supply. He tried to low-ball us last time with the ammo, the guns, and the snow, but I’m going to send him an offer he can’t refuse this time.” He said smirking.

“What offer is that?” Y/n asked, putting on her fake accent.

“You.” He said looking at her. Y/n’s heart sank, as she looked at him and nodded. She never wanted to see him again after he booted her out like she meant nothing to him, even if it was to save-face for him and the company and for her safety.

“You’re going to get him to supply us the gin and get him to pay us full price for our efforts with this am I clear?” He asked.

“Yes sir.” y/n said.

“If you fail, we’ll be meeting again under very different circumstances.” He said, an evil smile playing at his lips.

She’s known him long enough to know that he meant he’d kill her or Tommy, and as much as she hated the man who broke her heart, she still loved him at the same time, and she couldn’t let him or his family die over a silly business deal.

As soon as she was dismissed, she grabbed her suitcase and headed off to the boating docks, buying a ticket and boarding the ship. She knew her boss didn’t care when she left, as long as she got there sometime that week. And besides, she was too anxious to wait around for tomorrow, knowing this was time sensitive.

After the grueling ride aboard the ship, she went into London after going through the necessary checks. She used her alias and made her best impression, and then went on to Small Heath as assigned. When she got out of the car, she smirked as her red heels hit the black soil covered streets. Walking by a shop, she saw a women’s tailor and decided to stop in, buying a well made pant suit. It fit well and was a nice gray color with pinstripe detailing. Looking around further, she decided on a gold pocket watch, and nice hat to match, and then went on her way after buying it all.

Walking down the street, she saw the Garrison, causing all the memories she had with Tommy and the rest of the blinders to start coming back. They were like brothers to her and despite her bitterness, she still loved them, as they were not particularly happy in seeing her go, as that was solely Tommy’s decision.

Y/n shook the thoughts from her head, and waited outside the shop, leaning her back against the coal-black wall. While lighting a cigarette and taking a drag from it, she looked off into the distance seeing a man in a peaked cap riding a dark horse, much different than the white one she saw two years ago. As he pulled up near Shelby Company Ltd. He stopped in his tracks as y/n took another drag of her cigarette, looking at her pocket watch.

“Nice horse Tommy. You’re right on time.” She said relishing in the fact that she could use her normal accent. Her sunglasses and new brimmed hat helped in disguising her face.

“Thank you miss....Who are you?” He asked his eyes burning a hole through her shaded lenses. She smirked and took them and the hat off, revealing her face.

“Y/n...” He said, his eyes growing wide. He immediately took her inside and to his office, shutting the door behind him.

“What on earth are ya fucking doing here?” He asked.

“That’s not a nice greeting for someone you haven’t seen in two years Tom. But given what happened I didn’t expect anything nice from you anyways. I’m here on business.” She said, walking past him to put her cigarette out. He watched as she walked towards him, her arms folded over her well-fitting suit, standing in front of him.

“What business is that?” He asked.

“Oh you know, just a little...mafia business back in New York. Nothing too big... except that you’ve pissed off my boss. And now I’m sent here to try to make a deal.” She said making herself at home in one of his leather armchairs. He raised an eyebrow and sat on the edge of his desk near her.

“What deal? Who are you working for y/n?” He asked.

“The Black Hats. Mr Romboldi to be exact...ring a bell yet? The son of a bitch who took me in after you booted me out without a goodbye? Yeah, him. He still remembers your little low-ball offer for the guns, the ammo, and-” She chuckled as she remembered the drugs. “-the fucking snow.” She said giving him daggers.

He looked down, y/n could see the gears turning in his head.

“I told you to leave and not go anywhere near them y/n. Why the hell are ya working for em aye?” He asked angrily.

“You and I both know I couldn’t just sit around twiddling my thumbs and making pies for someone I never loved all day. I wasn’t going to be some house wife to some old bastard while I could’ve been out shooting and working a meaningful job. I wasn’t going to let myself rot.” She said, her own voice raising.

“You didn’t have to choose this life though. You could’ve left this behind like I wanted you to.” He said lighting a cigarette.

Y/n chuckled. “I remember what you told me one time, when I first started getting involved in Peaky business. You said and I quote, ‘you can change what you do, but you can’t change what you want.’ And you know what Tommy? I wanted this life, I wanted you, I wanted to make a name for myself, I wanted the thrill of this job because I often feel nothing. But I’ve only gotten half of that.” She said getting up, pacing around the room as he watched.

“What did you not get y/n?” He asked too focused on the mafia issue at hand to realize she mentioned him.

“You, you fucking idiot! But you threw me out, no goodbyes, no letters, nothing.” She said, her eyes filling up with tears.

“Y/n...that was two years ago. I was trying to protect you.” He said noticing the tears running down her face.

“I had a job. I had a life here. I’m not expecting you to ever want me back but god damn it I’d like an apology. Hell, you didn’t protect me from shit.” She said, thinking about some of the things she had to do to get through to some people for her boss. She shuddered at the thought.

He looked hurt, seeing her like that, and despite it being two years since that day, he still loved her all the same, he was just terrible at showing it. He never thought he’d see her again, and in that moment he decided he wasn’t going to let her go again.

She wiped her eyes as she felt him walk up behind her, she tensed up, not knowing what would happen next. He put his hand on her shoulder lightly, and she turned around to face him, her eyes still bright and hopeful after all that had happened. He loved her, and after she left, he mentally beat himself up over it every day. He turned to snow for a while, along with his opium, but what he truly needed was y/n. Fearing she may be too angry to every take him back, he hesitated as he brushed the tears from her cheek and kissed her.

Instead of slapping him or walking out, she deepened the kiss, which surprised Tommy, as he pulled her as close has he could, not wanting to let her go. When they parted, lightly gasping for air, he smiled slightly and so did she.

“I-I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry y/n.” He said stepping back from her.

She looked at him as she processed what happened, she never expected to fall right back into his arms after all she went through, but here she was, being sucked in by his ocean blue eyes once again.

She straightened her blazer out and pushed a stray hair out of her face.

“Why did you kiss me Thomas?” Y/n asked taking another cigarette out of her pocket and lighting it.

Thomas thought for a moment, trying to pick his words less recklessly this time around.

“When I forced you out, I stayed up every night beating myself up. I’ll never get those nights back, but those nights made me realize something y/n.” He said.

“If you’re going to break my heart again just say it already.” She said tapping her heel impatiently.

“I love you...y/n.” He said looking at her, studying her as she moved anxiously. He loved the way she looked, the way she carried herself, the way she wasn’t afraid to call him out. But he was terrified for the first time in his life that the woman he loved wouldn't return those very words back to him.

She looked down, exhaling a cloud of smoke. “I came here not only because of an order Tom...but because deep down despite my hate for what you did, I knew why you did it. And even though two fucking years have passed, I still haven’t been able to get you out of my head. So, I guess what the fuck I’m trying to say is that I love you too, you bastard.” She said looking up at him a light smile playing at her lips.

He smiled and walked over to her and took her hand in his, kissing it lightly.

“I promise to never do something so foolish again y/n. I swear on me fucking life...so am I forgiven?” He asked.

She took his words into consideration and nodded, bringing his lips to hers. Breaking away, she walked around the room slowly, remembering all of their fun times in here after-hours.

“So, about Mr. Romboldi, y/n how serious is this?” He asked.

“Well, he said that you’ll have to pay them full price for their services. He wants your gin. He sent me to persuade you to pay him for distribution and sales in the states......and It’s not easy Tommy, smuggling things.... especially alcohol back to the states........I hate him and his men believe me, but they risk their lives getting that kind of stuff so I think you should consider paying a full price.” She said.

“And if I don’t?” He asked.

Y/n sighed. “I was also sent here because he knew you couldn’t refuse an offer if it came from a pretty woman. Now, he may have been right on that part, but he doesn’t know that I’ve been working under an alias for him, and he doesn’t know I know you. They think my name is Y/N Anderson, from Virginia. And so if you don’t take this offer, they’re going to find out, and then Mr. Romboldi and his men are gonna waltz in here and kill you, me, and everyone you care about because they’ve already been wronged once, and they don’t like being wronged a second time.” She said sternly, taking another drag from her cigarette.

He sighed and ran his hands over his head, his face growing angry.

“What is it Tommy?” Y/n asked, noticing his behavior.

“After all this time, I thought maybe I’d be done for a moment y/n. With this whole empire of a business. But I think that moment will never come...before I stupidly forced you away, I had everything. I had this going great, and at night I could sleep. But now, when I do sleep, I dream. And in my dream, someone wants my crown.” He said with a sad look to his eyes. Y/n came over to him and hugged him gently, feeling him relax at her touch.

“Well, I’m here now. And the only way you’re going to get a break and get to keep your crown is if you help me fucking take care of this Thomas.” She said.

He sighed and took a moment to think.

“Alright...in that case...you’re going to call him from a payphone tomorrow. You’re going to say I accept his offer now that we have the fucking funds to do so, and you’re going to tell him we can meet in a weeks time. We’ll meet in charlies yard again.” He said.

“So we have a deal then?” She asked grinning, still embracing him.

“We have a deal.” He said.

“So now that I’m here...where shall I stay?” She asked.

“Well, first I’m going to re-introduce you to the family which I’m sure they’ll love. Then, I’ll be taking you to my place.” He said.

“And why is that?” She asked a mischievous smile playing at her lips.

“Because we have some unfinished business.” He said, before pecking her lips and ushering y/n out the door and into the family meeting room.

#msbzowy #asks #peaky blinders #peaky blinders oneshots #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders fanfic #tommy shelby #thomas shelby #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby x y/n #katiesfics #damn i really went hard on this one oops #peakyrequests

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dantesinfcrno · 4 years

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𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

( @opalsmedia )

› 𝑰. ACE OF CUPS .

❝ divine love and compassion are pouring through you. you are a vessel for deep, spiritual love from the universe, and you can’t help but let that love flow through you and into the world. you are love & your heart overflows . ❞

𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐋𝐋 –––––– the days grow darker than you’ve expected, and that harms the sweet thing you call a heart. the numerous fights, the copious amounts of tension, and the stress that pools in your stomach –– you’re certain you can’t handle it any longer. perhaps, you are too soft for this world in which anger & chaos reign. you try and shield yourself, but it’s never enough : your heart still beats so strongly, and you can’t stop giving & giving, until you’re alone with the remains of your chest. you weren’t expecting a ruthless emerald to open his arms to you, and yet–– in him, you discover at least one safe spot, tucked away from the world & all things evil. he reminds you of a book you loved as a child, and he has a nice way with words –– it makes dreaming easier, in such harsh times, and you can smile when he is around. he does not ask anything from you. you are grateful.

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 ╱ view here.

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ╱ braver soldier, russian red + i like me better, lauv + boats & birds, gregory and the hawk.

𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 ╱ laughter that fills our lungs ; smiling until our cheeks ache & our bellies are warm ; yellow and orange shades peppered across your skin ; the summer bringing out your freckles. we find secret gardens & have picnics, us and the fairies. childhood is still very reminiscent in the way we lay down and embrace one another. we speak of running away, but instead just end up with more polaroids on our desks. i prefer your sweater much more than my own. cozy blankets ; soft intimacy ; rose-colored glasses.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ╱ ❝ on empathy : what it sounds like is a bird breaking small bones against glass . ❞

› 𝑰𝑰. THE HIGH PRIESTESS .

❝ the guardian of the subconscious mind and the teacher of sacred knowledge and hidden mysteries. she ushers you through the thin veil of awareness, offering you a deep, intuitive understanding of the universe and a heightened awareness of secret or hidden information . ❞

𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐋𝐋 –––––– you are a very distant cousin, maybe not even that. you grew up hearing tales of dante’s mother, and you are keenly aware of the distaste your family has for her, her husband, and her son. you’ve seen each other once or twice, but you know dante desai –– all the rumors, scandals, absurdities & controversies. he might not have given you a word, but your image of the emerald with a dazzling smile has darkened under the influence of gossip and ill-intentioned people. you are not sure why he’s in the society at all and, if you’re being candid, he doesn’t seem deserving of any of your respect –– but alas, business means business, so you try and play nice ( it fails, more often than not, as he seems to know every word uttered about himself in his absence ). he teases you, and pushes you to try harder, reach farther. it annoys you deeply, and you hold back from simply telling him to shut up. maybe you want to prove you’re so much better, maybe you want to make him aware of how much he’s missing. maybe you just want the approval of someone, anyone.

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 ╱ view here.

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ╱ black sheep, gin wigmore + hit me with your best shot, adona + make me your queen, declan mckenna.

𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 ╱ misplaced competitiveness & rivalry ; wanting to prove yourself ; defiant words and poignant stares ; discovering the truth isn’t always hand-fed ; accepting the lies you were told when growing up & moving on from them ; familial resentment ; finding things in common with someone you hate ; learning you share many scars with the object of your disdain. biting remarks & vicious tongue ; clashing of titans. finding an equal match to the monster that crawls under your skin. enemies to friends.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ╱ ❝ the monster. the dreamer, the eater. the eater monster. you the monster, i the monster. all of us the monster. the monster in us, the monster in you. the monster in all of us . ❞

› 𝑽. THE HIEROPHANT, ꓤƎꓥƎꓤSƎꓷ .

❝ you are your own teacher. all the wisdom you seek comes from within – not from some external source or power. the hierophant reversed is also about challenging the status quo. you seek out opportunities to rebel and reclaim your personal power . ❞

𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐋𝐋 –––––– you’ve always had your eyes on dante, it seems –– it’s not at all too hard for it to happen, considering the bright glitter & colorful clothes, but you perhaps admire him more than your peers. individuality attracts you, and you may or may not have one silly crush on this man –– however, once you came closer, an infatuation turned into a solid bond. you seem to share similar principles, and the need for freedom & change is rooted deeply in both of your cores. you can speak for hours on end about everything at all, open-mindedness not shared with many others you’ve met. everyone might be worried once the two of you are seen together, as you’re always up for some trouble –– but, maybe, that’s just how love works in this friendship. fire burns brighter as you come together as an unit, and it almost makes you giddy.

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 ╱ view here.

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ╱ void, the neighbourhood + come as you are, nirvana + sober ii (melodrama), lorde.

𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 ╱ forbidden crushes ; midnight escapades ; i know your favorite wine & you know how many drinks it takes for me to get tipsy ; we know each other at our worsts. the act of loving & supporting each other in all one sets their mind to. may be guilty of arson & invasion of properties. the lack of hesitation to defend one another. uniqueness & playfulness ; deep conversations under the moonlight ; sharing the same fears we never uttered aloud ; feeling trapped under the same pretense of freedom ; watching clouds & constellations ; staying awake until seven am to see the sun rise.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ╱ ❝ wings are freedom only if they are open in flight. on one’s back they are a heavy weight . ❞

› 𝑽𝑰𝑰𝑰. JUSTICE .

❝ represents justice, fairness, truth and the law. you are being called to account for your actions and will be judged accordingly. as you explore your truth, you will discover that things are not as clear-cut as you had thought . ❞

𝐎𝐏𝐀𝐋𝐒 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 –––––– admitting to his past relationship with his own predecessor put a huge toll on dante’s shoulders, and you now observe him with more care, an attention you never truly bestowed upon the trickster of your circlet. his distress might tug at your heartstrings, it might make you wonder –– you might see him differently, now. your relationship might be strained. perhaps, you desire to reach out, offer the support he never asked for. perhaps, you do not know how. you are curious and worried, but the feelings of betrayal still linger on your bloodstream, whether you like it or not. should you ask for clarifications? step further into his personal space? should you step back, abstain from commenting anything? does he need your help? does he even care about what you think?

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 ╱ view here.

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ╱ you don’t know me at all, son lux + stop crying your heart out, oasis + all for us, labrinth & zendaya.

𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 ╱ lingering stares across the room ; desiring to speak but now knowing how ; sending text messages but not wanting to read the replies ; sheepish smiles & shared silences ; holding back your tears, even while near loved ones ; solitary nights with clouds covering every star. i worry for you, dear one, but you make it so hard to take care of you. when it rains, we hold each other’s hands. you taste sour, i taste bittersweet, but we still love. i would do it all for you, why won’t you ask for it?

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ╱ ❝ sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine . ❞

› 𝑿𝑽. THE DEVIL, ꓤƎꓥƎꓤSƎꓷ .

❝ calls on you to confront your inner fears to free yourself from the chains that bind you to your limiting beliefs and unhealthy attachments. it can also appear when you are going into your deepest, darkest places. you seek to understand your innermost shadows so you can either release them or integrate them into your life in a more constructive way . ❞

𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐋𝐋 –––––– you struggle, and you struggle hard. you would never admit you’re going through a heavy time, perhaps not even to yourself. you move lightly, with grace, and no one questions the tightness of your smile. it’s easy, like this –– except you’re tired, and your bones ache, and you can barely sleep at night. it surprises you, however, once you find the bright emerald drinking by himself in one of the shitty bars you go whenever life gets rough. you sit by his side, you both share a sigh & a shot. he finds out one of your many secrets, and you discover some of his scars, and the pills on his pocket. you hold his hand, and he takes you home safely, kisses your forehead while bidding you good night. you share many text messages, and you meet up often. you get better at recognizing the signs of sadness on each other’s faces. life is not any happier, but now, at least–– you have an emergency contact. you can sob on his shoulders until you fall into unconsciousness. he smiles at you in the morning and brings you coffee. no more words are needed.

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 ╱ view here.

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ╱ shadows, warpaint + blinding, florence and the machine + haunt, banks.

𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 ╱ blue shades ; melancholy ; van gogh’s paintings ; scars that never fade away ; the dull ache of quiet piano strings echoing throughout an empty room at the darkest hour. inebriated confessions ; hushed conversations ; many bottles of whiskey, both cheap & incredibly expensive. not knowing much about each other, and yet discovering the hidden away pieces by yourself. becoming dependent on the emotion of being understood & seen. helping each other up and forward, even when there is no strength left. exhausted & broken smiles ; thunderstorms ; lending you my jacket and never getting it back, because you need as much comfort as you can get ; dancing in the rain & laughing about it hard and loud.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ╱ ❝ i have no more room for grief for it is everywhere now . ❞

› 𝑿𝑽𝑰𝑰. THE STAR, ꓤƎꓥƎꓤSƎꓷ .

❝ can mean that you’ve lost faith and hope. you may be desperately calling out to the universe to give you some reprieve but struggling to see how the divine is on your side. take a moment to ask yourself what the deeper life lesson is, and how this is a blessing, not a punishment. the reversed star is a test of faith . ❞

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 –––––– the opal society, more than ever, seems like bullshit to you. you are angry, upset, distraught–– you can think of many words that echo your insatisfaction, and this initiation process no longer looks like something you want to be a part of. life is a burden heavy enough without a secret society wrapped in the mayhem of horny young adults tying you to statues. you definitely didn’t expect for dante, of all people, to become a guiding light –– the one that took his own initiation as a joke, broke the rules, and is known for frequently getting in trouble? how the fuck could that guy give you answers? truth be told, he doesn’t –– nothing is ever easy with him, it seems, and no surface-level impression seems to make him justice. the both of you now speak frequently, and he helps you stabilize your thoughts –– the guy can manage to give out some decent advice, at least, and you might even trust him, now. he likes pros & cons lists, and also vaguely pointing at the light at the end of the tunnel, just enough so it will fill you with hope. it is enough, for now.

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 ╱ view here.

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ╱ i need some sleep, eels + i’ll die anyway, girl in red + i found, amber run.

𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 ╱ an unexpected discovery ; knowledge where you thought least possible to find. the trade of fears & unsure confessions ; gentle parental guidance into the shoes meant for you to fit. tender reassurances over the phone ; a pat on the back ; a small gift that means “ i am proud of you ”. rediscovering the love for one’s circlet through the eyes of another. silent promises ; candles & wishes you never shared before ; feeling as if you’ve known someone from your past lives & forever carrying them in your heart.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ╱ ❝ you are in conflict with yourself. you are holding yourself in check. you are paralyzing yourself . ❞

› 𝑿𝑰𝑿. THE SUN, ꓤƎꓥƎꓤSƎꓷ .

❝ is calling to your inner child to come out and play. see it as your permission slip to leave behind your responsibilities, even just for a moment, and play. you may have experienced setbacks that damaged your enthusiasm and optimism and perhaps led you to question whether you can achieve what you set out to do . ❞

𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐋𝐋 –––––– dante is a disappointment to you. he let you down or hurt your feelings, and you can’t forgive him for that ( and you won’t even try, because he doesn’t deserve it ). there are plenty of good memories attached to his name, but it all has turned sour, and you want to watch it crash & burn. he might try and make amends, but you know he doesn’t even care for you, deep down –– he is trying for your sake, perhaps, but not because he nourishes an affection for you, and that stings. if it has to be like this, you want at least to let him know how irresponsible actions are not easily forgiven. a broken heart for another seems fair trade to you, and you no longer care for entertaining an endless discussion, as long as you’re on the winning side.

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 ╱ view here.

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ╱ no one loves me & neither do i, them crooked vultures + motion sickness, phoebe bridgers + eyes, nose, lips, tablo.

𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 ╱ unanswered phone calls ; ghosting ; writing letters just to burn them. cold war & avoidance. knowing that you want what you can not have. marble statues ; an empty bed ; freezing fingers & no one to hold your hand. emptiness ; the feeling of being unworthy ; lighting a match once the power goes out & sitting alone at your couch, daydreaming. bittersweet intimacy. the fact that someone you now hate knows way too much about you. not letting go.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ╱ ❝ he fatally wounded me; that is, he gave me the wound that only love could repair . ❞

#opalstask #opalsplots #𝑰𝑰𝑰 : WANTED .#this is .. so long #im sorry if its messy and it doesnt make sense a

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its-jijii · 5 years

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bsd girls

im gonna just uh.... warning. i didn’t expect this to be so long but below the cut is 6,745 words of me crying over girls in bsd. be warned, it is probably a long and hellish read lol. (no spoiler warning cause i think everything right now falls in realm of what has been shown in the anime)

okay hi i'm supposed to be editing photos in the car but instead i am going to rant now about how underrated the bsd girls are and why

starting out, the reason that they have so little content and attention is because there are so few female characters. in the armed detective agency the ratio of boys to girls was 8:4 (or 8:2 not counting naomi or haruno)

in the port mafia the ratio was 8:4 (counting elise)

the guild was 7:3

overall in the entire series (not counting gaiden or minor side characters), there are 40 males and 15 females*, which ends up in a ratio of 8:3.

*counting characters if they showed up in multiple different scenes or had some kind of actual role in the plot

taking this further, the number of girls with an ability are even less. elise is an ability herself, and several girls do not have an ability, such as naomi, haruno, sasaki, aya, and gin. higuchi is unconfirmed to have an ability. teruko and agatha christie have named abilities but unknown details. in the end, that leaves us with a total of ~6 females whose abilities we know of and have played a part in the plot. that is considerably less than all the males in the series, whose abilities we mostly know of- or even if we don't know all of it- the girls are still greatly outnumbered by males present and relevant to the plot.

now if we are to talk mainly about the girls relevant to the plot, there are so many reasons they should have more attention and recognition. i'm lazy so i'm just going to do them in order of who shows up on the wiki first ️✌️

armed detective agency

yosano is a wonderful character and in my top favorite characters. her personality is based strongly on her real life counterpart, who was an activist and feminist. yosano is a strong female character that has been portrayed correctly in my eyes. she is feminine, yet clearly very tough and assertive in comparison to more submissive characters or female stereotypes.

she can definitely hold herself in a fight, and has proven to be near invincible due to her strong ability. she doesn't need to rely on it all of the time, which is what makes me like her so much. some characters depend completely on their ability in order to attack, but since yosano's is a healing ability, she is unable to use it to attack. as a result, she is simply a strong and capable character. she is often shown to wield large knives or other sharp objects, and despite her slim body type, she is clearly able to handle heavy weapons with ease and still be agile. many others (males specifically) tend to underestimate her and face the consequences. by either believing she is a weak female, or believing that her ability would be useless in a fight, her enemies end up in trouble when facing her.

she is the armed detective agency's biggest weapon, with dazai landing in second place. her healing ability allows for any amount of reckless behavior or dangerous fights, because as long as her subjects are still mostly in one piece, she is able to heal them completely as if the injury never occurred in the first place. she even ends up healing her opponents after she beats them- she can bring them to a state of near death and then revive them as many times as she needs to get the information she seeks. she has no problems doing this either, as she is a doctor and is always in the face of injury and death. she knows how her ability operates, so she can stay calm in situations that would cause others to panic or struggle. she is both physically capable and mentally; there is little that can derail her, likely due to her past (vague manga spoilers mention).

as she already went through the worst of the worst when it comes to having to use her ability, and how she felt about using her ability, she has become strong and overcome her reluctance. she believed her ability to be a curse and that healing others would only bring them unhappiness. when presented with the freedom to choose, to not be forced to use her ability- she became confident and felt okay about using her ability again. as long as her ability wasn't abused like it was in the past, she was able to heal her coworkers without feeling bad about it. in overcoming her fear and unwillingness to use her ability, she became stronger in other aspects too. on top of using her ability in moderation and for good, she stands up for herself and refuses to be dominated or controlled by others. she is a doctor through and through, as she will treat injuries of friends and enemies alike. she is against meaningless death, and believes in equality between men and women.

these are just some examples regarding yosano's strength, which i respect so much. in terms of backstory, she is one of the characters who has shown growth and determination. i won't invalidate the struggles of other characters, but i believe that her progression and character should be more recognized and appreciated. she contributes and helps out more than most people realize. in the series itself, she is a desired ability user because of how useful it is. in the end, yosano chose to align herself with good. she's good to herself, she's good to her coworkers and friends, she's even good to her enemies. and i love her for all of that.

next on the list is kyouka. i apologize in advance if this seems a bit scattered; kyouka is not among my top favorites, so i haven't given her a ton of thought beforehand. (aka i am completely winging this)

kyouka as a character deserves better, and while she has shown growth, she has more room for growth still. kyouka was unfortunately pushed into a very sudden and drastic change in her life, and as a result is pretty traumatized and still has to shake off her negative mindset and bad habits. unlikely yosano, she is still very young, and has not had very long to recover from her trauma. she went from living a peaceful and happy life with her parents to being forced into the mafia after watching both of her parents die before her eyes. demon snow, her mother's ability, killed kyouka's mother and then was passed on to kyouka. kyouka could not control her own ability, and was instead forced to become an assassin for the port mafia using her ability. with no control over her ability, and having no desire to kill, it's not surprising that kyouka hated demon snow and the port mafia. upon joining, kyouka was suicidal and begged for akutagawa to kill her. when he refused and instead used her as a tool and treated her like she wasn't human, her view on life changed considerably. she could not view herself as anything more than a killing machine, a mindless and disposable tool for the mafia. upon being treated with kindness, kyouka did not know how to act. she claimed she never left because she had nowhere else to go- other reasons likely included that if she left, she would be considered a traitor and killed, and that she believed that at least in the mafia she had a purpose and use to others, even if it was evil.

kyouka found it necessary to suppress any emotions she had, probably as a coping mechanism for having to commit murder that she didn't really want to commit. she wasn't loyal or invested in the port mafia as a result of her treatment there, so when given the option to leave, she accepted with little resistance. when questioned about things regarding the mafia, she also didn't resist, and ended up willingly offering the information in exchange for food she liked.

through time spent with atsushi, kyouka has gradually grown from her original thinking and bad actions. in the beginning, she would instinctively use violence or other mafia tactics in order to get what she wanted or to defend herself. atsushi did his best to prevent her from doing that, and since then she has stopped immediately jumping to violence. she still struggles in expression emotions, but as akutagawa also stated, she has improved. she is no longer suicidal or hopeless, and feels like she has more use than just killing. she recognizes herself as a human, and that her worth lies in just her existence instead of what she can accomplish. it's okay if she doesn't use her ability, because the armed detective agency isn't about using abilities or fighting. they solve crimes and sometimes use force, but it is never required. like yosano, she has slowly begun to accept and use her ability. she recognizes that her ability, and herself, are not responsible for the death of her parents or the countless murders she committed. her ability was abused by the mafia, and her ability was given to her by her mother, though she didn't know that at first. after learning that, she has used demon snow in more reasonable situations such as defending herself, causing distractions, and using demon snow to escape situations. she hasn't used demon snow to kill anyone, and the most violent thing she has done is hold someone at knifepoint either with her own knife or with her ability.

kyouka has grown, though it isn't a sudden extreme change like with dazai and yosano- and she still has some problems she needs to sort out- but she is improving. i tend to not feel for her much because of how little she expresses emotion or opinions, but as soon as she becomes more confident i will appreciate her for more than just being a cute and supportive character. i will always love character growth, and although kyouka hasn't taken big changes regarding emotions, she still has gone far and it deserves recognition. not to mention she is still only 14, but she is doing very well in adjusting to a different life. she didn't deserve any of the bad things that happened to her, so in that i can sympathize. she was not evil by choice like some are, so her decision to completely desert her future in the mafia in exchange for the armed detective agency is wonderful. she is near fearless but protective of those she cares for, and passionate even though it isn't shown well most of the time.

port mafia

moving from the armed detective agency to the port mafia, i will begin with higuchi. higuchi is another character i think is considerably misunderstood and underrated. on the surface, yes, she can be seen as obsessive and weird, but she isn't really all of that. i believe that a big part of the hate she gets is due to shipping reasons- she is romantically interested in akutagawa, which can interfere with other ships. as a result, they end up attacking higuchi and pointing out all of the perceived flaws in her relationship with akutagawa.

i do not believe higuchi's behavior to be creepy or bad, actually. to me, she more acts like a teen with a crush. she does not stalk or harass akutagawa, nor has she done anything terrible to him. the hate she gets for crushing on akutagawa is unreasonable to the extreme for me. upon introducing them both, higuchi is shown as being overly eager to assist akutagawa. as she is his direct subordinate and cares about him, it's understandable for her to not want him to be in danger, or simply trying to make his job easier. akutagawa as a person doesn't like help, so he sees higuchi as an annoyance and trouble. he treats her (and kyouka) how he was treated- he's abusive and unnecessarily cruel, though i believe that is also learned behavior from dazai.

however, despite higuchi's over eagerness to help, she always has the best of intentions. in no way is she trying to inconvenience him or annoy him. she is just doing her job as a mafia member and helping her superior. i cannot understand the faults people find in that. i do not hate people for doing their job, even if their job is evil; it is just what they are required to do, and sometimes you can't fault that.

her "creepy" tendencies can be narrowed down to stalker-ish and obsessive. it is true that she is interested in akutagawa, but that does not mean that all of her actions are purely from a romantic stance. she cares for him, so it is natural for her to want to protect him. it is understandable for her to be concerned for him- he is not in the best of health, he's reckless, and he refuses help. she wants to avoid him being injured or killed, and not just because she is interested. i believe she also simply respects him as a person, and as her superior. in the mafia, loyalty is a strong tie, and for higuchi, her loyalty isn't 100% rooted in the mafia itself. she is more loyal to akutagawa, but that isn't unusual either. dazai was more loyal to oda, which is why he left for oda's sake. akutagawa is more loyal to dazai than the mafia, so he will respond to dazai's calls and orders. the same can be said for higuchi.

higuchi may be a bit overprotective, but again, that isn't a bad thing. she saved akutagawa's life when she realized that he was in critical danger and that the mafia would not do anything to save him. she bravely took on the task of raiding the enemies to rescue him while he was incapable of fighting back. she might have died had the black lizard not intervened, but she was willing to risk her life for the person she cared about. she also has implied many times that she does not feel that she is suited for working in the mafia, but she stays anyway because she loves akutagawa. again, that doesn't really pass into obsessive territory. if you are close to someone and love them, of course you would do these things for their sake. of course things with her seem more intense, but that is only because of their job. normally doing something for someone you love is maybe an easy task or errand. in the mafia, it can mean fighting a difficult battle in order to help your loved one(s). this is all circumstantial stuff that feels inadequately thought about.

regarding her stalker-ish tendencies, i still do not understand where that comes from. the definition of a stalker is "a person who pursues someone obsessively and aggressively to the point of harassment". higuchi does not follow akutagawa around outside of work or harass him. at work, naturally she is with him a lot and doing things for him (it's her job). however, she does not know unnatural things like where he lives or even familial ties. when she passed him on her way home from work, she appeared excited and wondered if she could offer to drive him home. not because she wanted to know where he lived, but simply to do him a favor and potentially increase his feelings for her. she also debated inviting him for tea. to people who think that is weird, i have to think that they have not experienced many normal connections. to coworkers or not very close friends, inviting people out to dinner or for a drink is not uncommon. as it was night, it would make sense for her not to think "i should take him to a cafe" but rather think "i should invite him over for tea". she wanted to drink tea with him, spend time with him, and talk to him. if shops at that time so happened to be closed, it would only make sense to invite them over. i cannot see what is unusual or wrong about that situation.

when she saw akutagawa meeting with gin, she misunderstood the situation, which again is a forgivable mistake. her thought process was not overly obsessive or weird; at first, she was jealous because she believed gin to be akutagawa's partner. from there, her overprotective side also kicked in- sure, gin could be his girlfriend, but she could also be a spy sent to kill him. not 100% of her malice at gin was because of jealousy, but she was worried for akutagawa too. when she congratulated atsushi on delivering a love letter to gin, it was both out of hope that she would have a chance again, and that akutagawa would be safe if gin was in fact a danger to him. later when she spotted gin, gin was startled and began running. higuchi picked up on her agileness and decided that she was definitely an assassin/danger to akutagawa. she was trying to harm gin, yes, but she did not know it was gin or that she was related to akutagawa. when she later learned that, she was very sweet to gin. she felt no real ill will toward her, but more concern for akutagawa taken a bit too far. i still would not say this is stalker or obsessive tendencies. higuchi is a misunderstood worrywart with a crush. i understand why some people think she is annoying, but at heart she is really just a caring and funny character. she does not deserve the hate she gets, and she also does not get the love and attention she should have. whether or not she "interferes" in your ship, you shouldn't dislike her purely on that and her interest in akutagawa. she is yet another powerful queen and she is trying her best.

higuchi’s interests aside, she is still a great character. at times she is shown to be unsure of herself or relying on others, but i would say that she is still independent and capable. she does not need others to take care of her; she can handle a weapon fine, and she is brave and selfless in fights. she is not stupid, although her hesitation in some situations can be labeled as that. however, she does not need others approval to make decisions, and she is considered a high rank. i do not know akutagawa’s direct position in the mafia, but if she is serving under him, then she is still above the black lizard. as shown when the squad came to rescue her without her having to order them to, they do have a degree of respect and care for higuchi. she is ranked above them somehow, and that position doesn’t come with ease. they are in the mafia, and i imagine that rising in ranks is difficult. while we don’t know her backstory or how she came into the position she is in now, it should be acknowledged that she did something to get where she is now.

kouyou is another one of my favorites. she is a good example of what can be considered a traditional woman while still being powerful and capable on her own. we don't know a ton about her (especially about backstory), but there is plenty of things to appreciate about her. she is loyal, caring, and protective to those she cares for most, notably kyouka and chuuya. kouyou is one of the port mafia’s five executives, and she is another mafia member who worked to get her position. being one of the five executives is second only to the boss of the port mafia. she worked to get into her position, and it is a considerably high rank. mori stated that kouyou is one of the few people strong enough to be able to leave the mafia and live. despite wanting to leave the mafia in the past, she switched her loyalties along the way and now serves the mafia well.

while golden demon is a strong ability on its own, kouyou is strong in fighting with her own sword. her appearance is deceiving, as she is not portrayed in an overtly threatening way. on the surface, she has no weapons, and her outfit initially gave me the impression that she is the type to refrain from violence or fighting. why would she get blood on her kimono, and how does she fight wearing high heels? (it seems that a lot of female characters fight in heels, which is respectable). however, kouyou is perfectly capable in fighting and defending herself both with her ability and with her own concealed weapon. considering kyouka’s tendencies and style of fighting, she was likely trained as an assassin under kouyou. it can be assumed that kouyou is a good assassin, as she certainly does not appear to be one.

there is discussion of if kouyou works in a brothel, as her voice actor apparently speaks like one. if this is the case, then it is even more likely that she and her subordinates are trained assassins. there are several things also implying this as her job, which i have no fault with. she is good at what she does if she is one of the five executives.

while kouyou may be overly negative and cynical, she is not a bad person. in the end, it seems she just wants the best for kyouka. while her idea of what is best is warped, that also cannot be faulted. she is thriving in the mafia, and she directly suffered the consequences of trying to leave. she is trying to prevent the same thing from happening to kyouka. while we can’t necessarily see growth in kouyou due to the lack of scenes with her, it can still be said that she has grown out of her initial plans for kyouka. while she likely still has the same negative mindset, she stopped projecting everything onto kyouka and encouraged kyouka’s freedom and happiness. she recognized that the best for kyouka was not necessarily staying with her, resulting with her letting kyouka go. she grew out of her possessive behavior and bad mindset and changed to do what would help kyouka and make her happy. in the end, she just wants kyouka to be safe and happy, which is a nice motivation considering her aggressive and violent nature toward enemies.

elise is going to be a short one due to lack of information and the fact that she is an ability. i do have to say that despite her existence and situation, none of that can really be helped. she is powerful as an ability, and probably is a pretty good cover for a lot of things. she can always be passed off as mori’s daughter, and her young and innocent looks do not give off any impression that she is dangerous or an ability. she has her own personality and opinions, and while they were mostly determined by mori, she is still capable of thinking and acting as she wants. it can’t be said that she is her own person, but she is certainly in charge. so far it does not seem that she is 100% bound to mori’s orders, so she is able to argue and get what she wants. a big portion of why i personally am not a huge fan of elsie is because she is connected to mori. but mori aside, not considering how he acts around her and treats her, i think she’s a good kid. she’s pretty normal considering that she’s an ability, in the mafia, and capable of murdering someone.

gin is an absolute darling and i will now tell you why. there is not a ton of canon content of her, so it is understandable that people are not really into her. in the first place, it isn’t clear that she is a girl until a good way through the guild arc. she has no ability, and no definitive backstory or personality. however, that does not mean that she should get so little attention. regarding the mafia, she is very good at her work. she is another assassin, and while her looks can be deceiving, it is also very clear that she is dangerous and deadly. right off the bat she is shown to be sly and fast, and capable of assassinating people very well. being a selective mute, she is very quiet and secretive. not talking means obviously that we cannot deduce her exact thoughts, intentions, and motivations, but based on other things we can guess some things.

to start with, despite her angry exterior, she is a sweet girl. she’s beautiful and considerate, and clearly cares for her brother akutagawa. in the past, she was the one who saved herself and akutagawa from being killed by the mafia. after joining, she rose ranks to be one of the three commanders in the black lizard. outside of work, she is still quiet, but is considerably softer and more expressive than when working. she does not wear a mask to conceal her emotions and reactions, and she is less apprehensive of speaking. she was considerate of katai when he confessed his feelings for her, not treating him in a rude manner at all.

the thing that stood out to me most about her was how much she thinks about akutagawa. noticing he was stressed about work, in an omake she was shown to have gone around asking other mafia members for things to help him relieve stress. she found problems in each solution offered, and ended up choosing what she thought best. she sat down and had tea with him, which was very sweet and caring of her. she is not always cruel and violent, and her motivations are likely along the lines of her care for her brother and her will to stay alive and in a good position in life. she is not violent for the sake of violence; she is just doing her job and what she is good at.

(i wrote a different analysis of gin here)

the guild

to start with discussions of the girls in the guild, lucy maud montgomery is first. she has considerably more content than the others, but that cannot be helped, as she has more screen time than alcott or mitchell. montgomery’s motivations and feelings are pretty open, so i cannot say that she is misunderstood or ignored. she has attention, but i do think that she deserves more (as all the girls do). at least, beyond shipping material, there is more to her character. she has improved since her traumatic past experiences, albeit in a different way than atsushi has. in the beginning, her actions and methods were confusing and not explained. however, she was just another character doing what her job required, and what she required to live happily. to her, she wanted a place to belong, and the guild was that place. when faced with potential loss of her newfound home, naturally she was willing to go to any lengths to stay, including capturing and messing around with the detective agency. montgomery is smart and capable with a strong ability to back her up. her ability, while used for kidnapping, has many other purposes as it later shows. had she initially been on the good side, a lot more people would probably like her. she was purposefully made to look and act intimidating and mean, although that is just a front she puts up. after she can be considered a tsundere, although terms like that annoy me slightly. it is weird to simplify a unique character down to a few shared traits with a stereotype- let’s just say that montgomery is flustered easily and does not know how to deal with her emotions in a positive way. by that i mean that how she acts can be perceived as bad by readers and watchers, though that is not what she is intending to do. i think that montgomery is trying her hardest and while her methods are not the best, she is still a good person who is just trying to get along in life and make close connections to people.

margaret mitchell is another character i cannot talk very much about, as she has hardly appeared in the series at all. despite her outwardly narcissistic and snobby personality, i also do not think that she is all bad. her ability, which we have not seen much of, can be decidedly negative. we have not seen a way in which she uses her ability in a positive manner, but as we do know her motivations, i can still say that she is not trying to be a bad person or anything of the sort. her reason for joining the guild and attacking yokohama was to restore her family’s honor. as we know nothing of her backstory, i cannot say why this was so important to her, but it seems to be of noble reasoning at the least. a lot of characters have good intentions or motivation and just a terrible method of execution. mitchell is one of these characters.

however, even if you were to dislike her purely based on her arrogant and rude attitude, it must be acknowledged that she is not terrible to those on her side. while threatening kajii and akutagawa, she was also shown to be selfless in defending hawthorne using her own body as a shield. now that she is stuck in a coma, hawthorne seems intent on helping and erasing her family’s debt for her, since she is incapable. that implies that she must have some kind of soft and nice side, otherwise i do not think hawthorne would consider her to be his loved one. we only saw her disintegrating his bible and arguing with him. aside from sacrificing herself, she must have done something to earn his affection and loyalty- hawthorne has gone very far in his attempts to save her.

personally i think the reason a lot of people dislike her is her stuffy attitude combined with her appearance. her complaining of others not working while combined with her wearing an over the top large dress likely contributes to the dislike or indifference i see directed at her. she is very unlikeable on the surface, nor can i say that i like her at this point.

and lastly in the guild, i will be talking a lot about louisa alcott. she is the main reason i decided to write this long ass post. alcott is in my opinion, probably the smartest of all of the geniuses in bsd. there are different kinds of smarts, of course, and it is not too hard to sort them. dazai and fyodor lie mainly in tactician. they are wonderful at predicting enemy moves and creating plans. ranpo is also shown to be helpful in that, though his strength lies in solving mysteries and analyzing evidence. dazai is also good at solving mysteries and analyzing. mori is implied to be good at a variety of things- strategizing, logical thinking, effective manipulation, and leading. he is good at making things go his way, and good at doing what is best for his organization, even if that means sacrificing others. in general, there are many intelligent characters, but the “geniuses” tend to be labeled as fyodor, dazai, mori, and ranpo. i have never seen alcott included in that grouping despite her being debatably the best out of all of them.

it must be noted that alcott’s ability is not the cause of her intelligence. rather, it simply furthers her abilities. i do not think that she would need to rely on her ability to be good at what she does; she is a very thorough tactician, and given extra time, can write out the most ridiculous plans i have seen. it is absurd how much she is able to predict and write about. “Little Women is an ability that allows Louisa to make time pass at 1/8000th of regular speed, but only while thinking alone in a private room.” nowhere does that description list that it furthers her intelligence in some way. from that, we can gather that she indeed can sit in a room for a few minutes or hours, and in real time weeks will pass. she can sit for weeks straight and simply think of and write every possibility. she can list every outcome, every action their enemies might make, all the action plans the guild can go with, and so much more. she can estimate the damage her plans provide, the likelihood of success, and compared to other plans she has written out, whether or not she would recommend it. she is shown to be cautious in her planning, since despite her seemingly ruthless plans, she always directs fitzgerald away from choosing the more dangerous options. that also shows that despite her listing very violent plans, she is against going with them and disagrees with the more violent options she came up with.

i think it is amazing how much concentration and energy she has. sure, the other geniuses may be able to reason out how their enemies are thinking and doing- but alcott is a different level. she will write packets (multiple!!) of analysis and options. i do not know how much i can stress this. these packets are hundreds of pages, written in a few hours by her. with given information, she can predict up to how other people will react to given situations, and how to manipulate the situation for the best outcome for the guild. she was able to somehow predict the reappearance of kyouka when atsushi was attacked, and how exactly to get away with capturing atsushi while simultaneously eliminating kyouka from doing anything more against the guild. she wrote up to the very specifics how that situation would lay out, and all that fitzgerald needed to do in order to capture atsushi. call the police on them! how did she know the police would be nearby and that atsushi and kyouka would turn to them? hell if i know, but that is amazing as fuck and i don’t think that the others compare in any way to that.

of course she does have boundaries, such as when chuuya and dazai teamed up against lovecraft and steinbeck in order to retrieve Q. i would say that she could not have planned that given what she knew of their personalities and how they would work together. even if they were past partners, logically it does not seem likely that they would team up, even in a dire situation. but they did, and to top that, chuuya used corruption. that was something that alcott did not plan for, likely due to lack of information she received. otherwise, she was able to take into account so many factors- timing, abilities, personality, and likelihood of events happening- and create functional and effective plans. knowing how Q’s ability works, she thought of a way to cause the most amount of destruction by combining Q and steinbeck’s abilities. personally, i would not have thought of such a method. it is brutal, but it did work out for them. most of the mafia and detective agency were occupied with dealing with Q’s curse rather than pursuing the guild. she had backup plan after backup plan. i believe that they were so detailed and complicated that without an exact copy of all of her writing, dazai and ranpo would not have been able to come up with a plan to counter what she was doing. they are good at guessing what can come next, but attempting to guess all of alcott’s thinking is impossible. to me, she will always surpass the other geniuses in the series, as she is the best of the best considering everything.

if comparing her capabilities to that of others, she covers almost all the bases. in terms of leading, mori is good because he is willing to sacrifice others for the sake of the greater good. alcott made plans that were willing to sacrifice all of yokohama for the benefit of fitzgerald solely. dazai and fyodor are good at guessing how the other will think. i would say that alcott can do the same, though on a much larger scale. given a longer amount of time, the others could likely come up with similar plans, but since they are not alcott, they cannot come up with her predictions that cover almost every base. her ability to slow down time and then sit still for technical weeks at a time thinking of every possibility is amazing. though we have not seen her solve any crimes, i would say that she is still very good at analyzing and using data to her advantage.

brains and ability aside, i think that alcott is a lovely person. though she has severe social anxiety and is very bad at talking to people, she is very kind and loyal to those she cares about. again, she can be ruthless against her enemies, but who isn’t? when not considering her position as a tactician in the three way organization conflict, she is very good. she wants to do the best she can to help others, and despite her low self esteem, feels confident enough to present her thoughts to those she is comfortable with. unfortunately she only seems comfortable with a small number of people, but she is caring and giving to those few.

i apologize for the long rant on alcott. it feels kind of unorganized and sloppy, but i honestly have no idea how to properly explain my respect and love for this character. she is never talked about or drawn or anything, and she deserves so much more than she gets. once you get past that initial barrier of “she’s too quiet, she’s a pushover, her plans are cruel and violent” you will realize that is not always the case. in reality, when consulted she is able to provide good advice and solutions to problems. she was very against fitzgerald going with her more extreme plans. yes, she thought them up since she thought up every possibility, but she strongly advised against those plans for obvious reasons.

the rest of the girls i cannot say much about. aya seems very sweet and justice oriented, and i think i would prefer to see her as an actual character rather than the odd lovechild of dazai and chuuya. chuuya did not even really show up in the manga in that scene…… anyway, i do not know enough about teruko and agatha to talk about them properly. teruko seems overly violent, but i do believe that she is just doing her job, again in a kind of bad way. unfortunately, i do not know anything of gaiden, so i cannot properly discuss tsujimura. however, i have heard that she is a sweet girl, and i would like to read more about her.

in conclusion, i don’t feel that the girls in bungou stray dogs are properly appreciated for what they are. sometimes they are misunderstood, sometimes they are ignored, but no matter the case, i think that all the girls in bsd are wonderful. slimy men? yeah fyodor, dazai, and mori. slimy women? there are none. they’re all perfect. they have their faults of course but really, none of them are incredibly evil or anything. for the most part we know their intentions, unlike some of the guys i listed. and often times those intentions are not bad at all, even if they are executed in a bad way. they tend to not rely completely on their ability, unlike a lot of the males in the series. dazai, akutagawa, and atsushi are all good examples of characters who rely heavily on their abilities to do things. in contrast, most of the girls don't rely on their abilities or other people. their abilities help them, of course, but they are plenty capable on their own. some of them don’t even have abilities- higuchi and gin being prime examples- but they are able to fight and be independent.

please give the girls in bungou stray dogs more care and attention. they are so fucking valid and i love them from the bottom of my heart

also!! i forgot to say but please reblog, dm, comment, whatever the fuck unpopular bsd opinions. i love a good rant™ and i have a lot of thoughts

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cero-blast · 5 years

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Your post about Gin "messing with people's heads" makes me think, doesn't this also apply to Ulquiorra? He also psychologically tortured Inoue, don't you think it's hypocritical to say Gin's actions don't nullify the bad things he did, but say that UH is good/not toxic? I'm not trying to hate on you, I don't ship anything in Bleach, I just wanted to know why Gin is considered a bad inexcusable guy but Ulquiorra's relationship with Inoue is glorified?

This will get… really long. I’m genuinely sorry it’s this long.

I never said Ulqiorra did nothing wrong (though it��s fair to say I didn’t happen to specifically point it out), or that UH is a ship with many positive feelings associated to it. That would be… an interesting take. I hope you don’t think I think that. But I also need you to understand that I don’t base my taste in ships on what I desire/consider healthy in real life. They exist in the context of the canon — not interchangeable with reality considering the existence of superpowers, ghosts, semi-human creatures and time warping — and that’s where it ends for me. Applying the dynamics in my ships to any situation other than the precise one of Bleach’s canon would make them fundamentally different.

I’ve wanted to mention this about Ulquiorra for a while now and I’ll take the occasion to do so. It’s a mistake to put him in the same framework as a human or shinigami. (The latter two also have their differences but based on observation shinigami seem to behave in a much more human-like manner compared to hollows/arrancars.) He’s practically incapable of understanding what empathy is or find any good reason not to hurt other people, which is why it’s surprising when he manages to grasp even a shred of the concept right before dying. Hollows are born from experiencing such severe pain that it distorts their whole ‘essence’, so something has gone terribly wrong with them emotionally by definition, whether they evolve to arrancar form or not. Ulquiorra’s aspect of death, his ‘theme’, is emptiness — characterized by complete neutrality towards everything. Since a person with a healthy mindset tends to focus on danger and negative events, neutrality often comes across as immoral for being equally conceding towards moral right and moral wrong. The point is, Ulquiorra’s motivations for provoking Inoue had nothing to do with him taking joy in causing pain to her. In fact, it’s hinted he’s not even fully aware he’s doing it, like the scene where he tells Inoue he’d laugh at her friends’ foolishness in her place. He’s unaffected by most things AND has difficulty placing himself in others’ perspective, which results in him assuming everyone around him would be unaffected. The only thing that factored into him doing just about anything was curiosity, the need to fill the void, however you want to put it. If a human or shinigami behaved the same way he did around Inoue, it would come across in a vastly different way and I’m not sure it would even interest me as a ship. Ulquiorra is not only a hollow, but a hollow with a particular impediment in understanding how others feel, and this is an integral part of him as a character, of his interactions, of UH, of anything regarding him. I know it’s funny as a fandom meme to act as if he were human, but he’s NOT and this needs to be kept in mind.

This applies to any arrancar or espada, really. It’s tempting to judge them on the same basis as enemies who are closer to humanity, mainly because of their appearance and intellect. But this is the trick itself the narrative plays, a progression that has been present in Bleach since the start: it created a human/monster (shinigami/hollow here) dichotomy, then spent the longest arc deconstructing it by blurring the lines between the two. It doesn’t matter how smart and eloquent the espada manage to get, the only productive way of interpreting them is as people who are missing a very core part of their personality, so someone severely psychologically ill. (I say this as someone who has their own problems, before it gets misinterpreted as condescension.) Should this absolve them from punishment? Bleach says a very clear no. They almost all get killed by shinigami, in Ulquiorra’s case Ichigo specifically — Ichigo, who, by his own admission, empathized with everyone he fought and even gets angry at Yammy for speaking ill of Ulquiorra after his death. (I don’t want to start arguing about how he was in hollow state when he defeated him. He would have killed Ulquiorra either way if he continued to stand in the way of protecting his friends.)

In summary, the espada aren’t human. Ulquiorra isn’t human. It’s unrealistic to expect him to behave like a human. You’re free to pick who you want to have compassion for among Bleach’s positive and negative characters and if you decide Ulquiorra is irredeemable in your opinion, that’s fine — many characters would agree. But at the very least it can be objectively said that Bleach spends a lot of time presenting ‘evil’ characters’ perspectives as nuanced and explicable instead of writing them off. It gives the audience a choice in the matter. A core message of the entire story is that we’re subjective and maybe we’ll never manage to see the world the same way as someone else, but that’s fine and it doesn’t make us all that different; hollows can become *almost* shinigami, shinigami can become *almost* hollows, and they both have ways to relate to one another while retaining the insurmountable differences and even fighting and killing each other.

Now, onto Gin. First off, you seem to be under the impression that I don’t like him as a character. That couldn’t be further from the truth; I only said it in the tags because I figured saying it in the post would have sounded like making excuses, which is not what the post was about. I don’t know if I would call him a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ person. All I know is that I really enjoyed him as a character and I could see how he evoked sympathy — in the tragic way antagonists do when they get some sort of redemption. I noticed it’s a common tool in fiction to make an impact on the audience, I suppose because we’re happier when we see ‘bad people getting fixed’ rather than someone already good doing more good things. It’s a Prodigal Son type of thing; can be argued about but it definitely makes an impact.

Gin is a quintessential ‘mysterious type’; he has a long-running plan that he executes throughout almost his entire life without ever consulting with anyone (an important detail). He had a hypothesis on what would be the most effective way to kill Aizen and constructed a convoluted plan based on it — a plan where the ends would have justified the means in many, many situations, and that required causing problems to a lot of people. He had, however, no certainty that what he was doing would lead to the desired results (which it then didn’t…). A lot of his provocation was a means to create a certain image of himself and there’s a big question of where to draw the line there, whether all of that was absolutely necessary. Leaving to Hueco Mundo and technical demonstrations of loyalty were, sure, but mocking Rukia on her way to being executed? He considered keeping everything a secret a prerequisite for things to work out — presumably because if he talked to anyone, Aizen could have noticed — but was it, really? Many of his actions were based on his personal judgement on what would and wouldn’t have ruined the façade, subjective and hunch-based since he didn’t know the outcome for sure.

Gin isn’t inexcusable, but I noticed a lack of emphasis on the damage his actions caused among fans, both because of the chronological order of the story and his affiliation with the protagonists’ side. Because the last thing he did was a good thing, that’s what he’s remembered by, without taking into account the sum total of his interactions with others. He posited himself as vicious until the last moment and did so consciously. Ulquiorra had a very, very gradual progression in the way he talked to Inoue, which doesn’t make it less rude and traumatic, but there’s a difference between him showing up and telling her she ‘has no rights’ and later taking an active interest in her views on the Heart. It would be equally reductive to interpret him by his last moment and nothing else, but all he did before led to that moment progressively, while Gin’s was a very abrupt twist.

My post was a comment on psychology on the most basic, technical level, not a moral judgement. The two are separate in the way we process trauma and that’s exactly what I find interesting. Having strong negative emotions associated to a memory (what I think Kira, Hinamori, Hitsugaya or Rangiku could have had with Gin’s betrayal) creates a very subconscious reaction that can hardly be fixed by suddenly finding out it was necessary for a positive cause, which is why healing from trauma requires years of therapy. Because *in that moment* you didn’t have that knowledge, the pain remains in your memory and it’s not a matter of logical reasoning. Now, I’m not saying Ulquiorra’s interactions with Inoue were numerous or productive enough to properly process the trauma he caused her — the canon info is ambivalent on how comfortable Inoue was around him towards the end of her captivity because there’s both scenes like the famous slapping one *and* her seeming more light-hearted towards Ulquiorra in Unmasked, plus no one has any idea of which came before which. All things considered, I think repeated discussion and an attempt at mutual understanding does a better job at elaborating something traumatic than one single piece of information on why what traumatized you was justified. And note that the *only reason* the understanding between Ulquiorra and Inoue could have been mutual is because Inoue was exceptionally patient, empathetic and willing to face discomfort, way beyond the base level or what should be expected from anyone. Even if it was a *small amount* of *not very productive* discussion, it’s better than one act in my opinion (which most of the people who had some sort of issue with Gin didn’t even directly witness). Which of them is *morally worse* depends on how you draw the lines and define morality and that’s not something I feel qualified to decide.

So, in the end;Ulquiorra:-working towards enemy goals overtly-motivated by curiosity, which can be considered self-oriented-gradual improvement-not fully conscious of the emotional impact of his actions-Inoue considers him an ambivalent presence but “Isn’t afraid”, in her words-half-succeeded, as in: failed the goal of killing Ichigo but sated his curiosity

Gin:-working towards enemy goals on the surface and soul society goals covertly-motivated by attachment to Rangiku and/or revenge, less self-oriented but still focused on close acquaintances -long-running façade of being a terrible person followed by a sudden twist towards the good side-completely aware of everything he’s doing, plan laid out hundreds of years in advance-Gotei 13 don’t interact with Gin throughout HM arc, consider the traitors a lost cause-failed to kill Aizen

Instead of this encyclopedia I could have just written “Gin isn’t irredeemable, I just said he did bad things before”, but I thought too much about it. And I might go through spelling mistakes once I wake up.

#anon #ask #long post

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sous-le-saule · 6 years

Text

The first fanfic I ever wrote

The lovely @akhuna01 tagged me! Thank you so much!

I wrote my first fanfic, Tout ce qu’on ne dit pas, in february 2016, a few weeks after I finished Good Omens. This is not the first fanfic I published, though, since I wrote three other stories while editing that first one.

Since it’s in French, I’m posting @lunasong365‘s beautiful translation, with her kind permission.

And since it’s almost 7k word long, I’m just posting the first chapter.

@maniacalmole @improbabledreams900 @not-a-space-alien I’d love to read your first fanfic!

Summary: Some things are more comfortable when they’re left unsaid. But strangely, sometimes, they don’t want to remain hidden.The first part imagines an incident that happens before the Antichrist’s birth, the second one is a reinterpretation of canon.

Pairing: Aziraphale/Crowley

Rating: teen & up

Crowley awoke with a start. He’d fallen asleep during an episode of “The Prisoner,” which continued to flicker on the television in front of him.[1] Peering into the darkness of his apartment, it took a moment to realize what had woken him from his slumber. He eventually identified the sensation, both familiar and disturbing, that was hammering his temples: something demonic was happening. Not in the immediate vicinity, but close enough for his acute sense of territory to convince him to get up and put on his coat.

[1 - He claimed that his professional responsibility required him to regularly check the quality of products he’d helped create, but he himself had succumbed to the addictive nature of series for which he’d whispered the idea to producers for this very reason. Since the invention of television, humans spent more and more time vegetating in front of the tube and less time reading. And they became easily irritated at the idea of missing an episode of their favorite show. However, programs were still too tasteful. Not enough sex. Or humiliation. Crowley was working on a project to sequester and film 24/7 people chosen for their lack of culture, good taste, and especially, modesty. He was investigating the idea, but felt that the world was not yet ready.]

He muttered under his breath as he walked toward the Bentley. "They could notify me when they send someone on a mission to my jurisdiction. A little respect, yeah? And anyway, why didn’t they give this mission to me?" He really hated the times his radio or television broadcast was interrupted to transmit orders from Hell (when would they finally trust his creativity, dammit?) But, hey, a demon has his pride. He relaxed, thinking it was maybe just one or two young demons sent to showcase their ability through some rite of passage: burst water pipes, disappearance of express parcels and urgent mails, simultaneous nightmares to wake children up screaming all over the city[2]. He still wanted to get to the bottom of it.

[2 - It was however a little early for this third possibility because, as everyone knows, this kind of thing has to happen between 4 and 5 a.m., early enough to mess up your night, but too late for you to fall asleep again.]

With his vehicle carelessly stopped in the middle of Piccadilly Circus, Crowley leaned recklessly out the window as he attempted to locate the origin of the evil feeling. Soho. Shit.

At this late hour of the night, it was easier than usual to cross London at 160 km / hour. Crowley discreetly parked the Bentley halfway up the sidewalk a few doors down from Aziraphale’s bookstore. The front door had been forced open and was slightly ajar. Ohshitohshitohshit.

And like an idiot, Crowley had not brought the holy water stored in his safe.

~*~*@*~*~

Aziraphale fell heavily to the ground, breathless, muffling the cry of pain caused by the deep lacerations his opponent’s claws had just inflicted on his arm and his side. He threw a desperate look towards the dagger he had dropped, now several meters away from him. Things were not looking good. The demon who faced him displayed his considerable teeth in a predatory smile. Taking great care to avoid the weapon that had reduced his two associates to an unrecognizable mess of flesh, his opponent strengthened the grip on his own rune-carved blade and approached the angel. Aziraphale struggled to get up.

The demon suddenly hesitated, and Aziraphale understood why when he himself perceived a second demonic presence. He immediately recognized the familiar aura of Crowley, which boiled with intense feelings. Rage. Fear ... Love?

“Back off, asshole. Nobody touches my angel.”

The first demon, twice as big as Crowley, turned to keep his two opponents in his field of view. He relaxed slightly when he saw that the newcomer was not armed.

“And how do you think you’ll stop me?” he asked Crowley with a sarcastic smile. “I have not been ordered to kill you but, please, give me a good reason to do it.”

“Other than spouting clichés, what the hell are you doing here?” said Crowley in an allegedly confident tone (fooling nobody).

“Believe it or not, the Big Guy is not too satisfied with your results lately. It seems that you’ve been hanging around with a certain angel too much and that has softened you. But you know how it is; nobody likes to waste time holding job interviews and training a new field agent. So I'm here to eliminate your distraction.”

“Uh ... what if I voluntarily promise to work overtime?”

“That’s already going to happen, smartass. Now, get lost and let me have some fun. Leave me to finish this and nothing more will happen to you than the doubling of your quotas.”

Crowley had used this pleasant little chat[3] as an opportunity to search the back room for a potential weapon. Two blades similar to the one held by his opponent were buried to the hilt in the mutilated bodies of their former owners, but they were out of reach. Crowley's gaze lingered on the dagger adorned with angelic ciphers (since when and where has Aziraphale been hiding that?) lying between him and his adversary.

[3 - When would people – or demons - learn not to have an extended monologue instead of carrying out their plan? Doesn’t anyone watch TV?]

They both knew: no demon could touch such a weapon without being disintegrated; just like the assassins’ blades were designed to annihilate angelic creatures. Game over: do not pass go, do not receive a new body. The demon looked down on Crowley with amusement, as if challenging him to seize the dagger. Then, seemingly dismissing him as inconsequential, he again began to move towards Aziraphale.

The latter had made use of this brief respite to recover and gather what little strength he had left. Disarmed, Aziraphale had no choice but to attempt to ward off his enemy, but he had already tried this option before the fight started and had failed, as if he’d been blocked by a barrier. Maybe the odds were better now that he’d gotten rid of the other two? Anyway, it wasn’t like he had another alternative. He hoped that Crowley would take advantage of the interruption to escape without doing something stupid.[4]

[4 - Here we see irrefutable proof of angelic optimism.]

“Return to Hell, Demon!” chanted Aziraphale in a muffled voice, using an ancient incantation while suddenly projecting his angelic aura toward his opponent. The demon staggered and gasped, but did not disappear.

“Too weak!” chuckled the creature, raising his blade to deliver the final blow.

With nobody paying attention to him, Crowley ended his internal debate[5] and rushed toward the weapon dropped by Aziraphale.

[5 - That we could transcribe more or less as follows:

“Just turn around and walk away. Don’t get involved!”

“If you hold the blade right, maybe you’ll have enough time to plunge it into his back before in turn being disintegrated.”

“This is the worst idea you’ve ever had and that’s saying something…”

“Oh, shut up!”]

The angel saw him from the corner of his eye and couldn’t restrain his shout.

“Crowley!”

The assassin turned, but before he could comprehend what had happened, his flesh began to crack and collapse upon itself, leaving behind only a small reddish and steaming pile. Crowley released an incredulous cry of victory, before remembering what he was holding and throwing the dagger far from himself with a frightened yelp[6]. Stunned, he contemplated his untouched palm.

[6 - If you ask Crowley, he’ll obviously say that demons do not yelp. So as not to embarrass him, Aziraphale will refrain from mentioning all the times he’s witnessed otherwise.]

~*~*@*~*~

A groan from Aziraphale restored Crowley’s priorities. He knelt beside the wounded angel, whose side and arm, both deeply lacerated, were bleeding profusely.

“It will be ok, angel, it will be ok…”

“I know it will,” replied Aziraphale calmly with a faint smile. “Could you stop panicking for two seconds and get me a clean towel? I have to stop the bleeding until I regain enough strength to heal myself.”

Crowley disappeared in the kitchenette, muttering that he was not panicking, and returned with clean towels with which he compressed the angel’s injuries. The demon had also brought a bottle of gin, from which he took a swig before giving it, without a word, to Aziraphale, who did the same.

“Thank you, Crowley.”

“ 'Told myself you would need a drink.”

“I meant: thank you for ...”

“Don’t mention it.” Embarrassed, Crowley abruptly cut him off.

“It was particularly stupid, you know.”

“You moved particularly fast from gratitude to criticism, I think,” Crowley pointed out with an offended snort.

“You could have been disintegrated. You should have been disintegrated,” said Aziraphale, frowning. “You could have escaped...”

“And get stuck dealing with your successor, who would have been overly ambitious, like all beginners? You want me to remind you how zealous you were at the beginning, when you were trying to discorporate me every time our paths crossed? Thank you very much, but I am quite satisfied with our Arrangement.”

“In short, you protected your interests ...”

“Exactly!” exclaimed Crowley, relieved. Even if, on second thought, Aziraphale’s smile implied a quite unsettling go-on-you-can’t-fool-me.

“And how will you explain this to your superiors?” asked the angel.

“Explain what? These three can’t serve as witnesses. And if someone ever did look into the matter: they attacked an angel, they were killed by an angelic weapon. End of story. They will think twice before sending someone else. By the way, you haven’t lost your touch,” added Crowley admiringly, pointing to the remains of the first two assassins. “I must say I sometimes tend to forget the guardian of the eastern gate hides under the guise of a harmless bookseller.”

“I guess the same went for them,” said Aziraphale distractedly, focused on healing his wounds.

The lacerations were closing gradually as a soft golden light emanated from the angel, evidence of the divine power at work. Crowley stepped away to a cautious distance.

“Well, you’ll have to replace the carpet.”

“Mmhmm. Could I take advantage of your kindne… er… would you mind making us some tea, while I finish this?”

A few minutes later, they faced each other across the small table in the kitchenette, two steaming cups in front of them. Aziraphale’s penetrating gaze looked directly into Crowley’s eyes, as much as the sunglasses allowed:

“Is there something you want to talk about?”

Crowley displayed his most impassive expression.

“Not really.”

As the answer didn’t seem to satisfy his counterpart, he continued, with the fast delivery and the reluctant tone he always used when forced to say little demonic things:

“Well, I'm sorry you got dragged into that.”

“It's not your fault,” said Aziraphale, reaching across the table to pat the back of Crowley’s hand. “I even have to admit I'm rather proud: if I affect your job performance, it means I’m doing mine properly.” The demon looked at their hands with an astonished air, before he hastily withdrew his to safety under the table. “What I mean is ... don’t you wonder how you were able to use my dagger without damage?”

“I have no idea... just lucky? Maybe it’s too old to hurt me? Somehow the dagger knew I was trying to defend you? Honestly, I don’t know and I don’t care. It worked, and now it’s over.”

“This weapon was designed to disintegrate any demon which it touches, and, as you saw, it works perfectly well.”

“Apparently not.”

“Apparently,” corrected Aziraphale, “something has sufficiently either altered or hidden your demonic nature enough to deceive the dagger.”

The angel obviously expected a question from his counterpart, but Crowley, unwilling to push the conversation further in this direction, merely indifferently drank his tea. Aziraphale sighed and hesitated, then said softly:

“I'm able to sense these kinds of things, you know. When you arrived, you felt...”

“When I arrived, I felt the immense annoyance of a guy obliged to get up in the middle of the night to come and save your ass. That’s all.”

Crowley’s cup hit the saucer with a loud clink.

“Oh, please. When you grabbed my weapon, it was out of...”

“Ssstupidity, as you said.”

Crowley pushed his chair back and stood up. Pushed to the limits by his attitude, Aziraphale couldn’t hold back a low blow:

“And since when exactly am I your angel?”

Seeing Crowley’s cheeks flush, he regretted his words instantly. He didn’t even know demons could blush.

“Aziraphale, you’re fantasizing,” replied Crowley coldly. “You must rest; the fight must have really taxed you.”

“Crowley, I...”

But the front door had already slammed. Alone with his lukewarm tea, the angel stared into space and whispered:

“Aziraphale, you fool, you could hardly have handled this worse.”

Keep reading on ao3

#my writing #good omens #fanfic

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rekkingcrew · 6 years

Text

The Krieger Files: Pursuit (1)

Not a full session, really, more of a prelude. It’s been one of those weeks. But the character stuff is pretty fun.

Drax is at a party with a pirate gang he knows and sometimes works with. They ran into each other on one of Drax’s more recent jobs- since the events of the last arc, Drax has been avoiding Nar Shaddaa by taking very workman contracts outside of Hutt space- and everybody had a friendly exchange of banter while they shot at mutual enemies. Drax got about 75% of what he wanted out of the exchange, and so did the pirate leader, and because he’s a friend, he’s invited to the after party. (Also established that the gang met Patience (Drax’s recent ex-wife) and while they all hated her, about half of them, the leader included, thought she was super fun at a party (also that the leader and Patience always parted with a big grin and a jaunty “next time, I’m going to kill you!”))

Mostly Drax spends his party time drinking alone in a booth and looking at the bounty feeds, though he does have a 20 minute conversation with a member of the gang who did some very brave mechanical alterations to a live grenade on the last mission (whatever number of fingers this guy started his life with (not ten), he has two less now).

Rek (around 14 or 15 at this point in the timeline) is also at the party, though he was notably absent from the mission. The pirate leader is giving him claps on the back and has bought him a drink, but Drax is able to observe that Rek is looking for approbation even more than usual from the adults in his gang, and until he gets it he seems a bit nervous.

A hilariously botched stealth vs. vigilance roll means that Rek’s attempt to skirt the side tables to sneak up on Drax results in a lekku getting caught and Rek, who is a tiny bit drunk, falling over backwards. Drax notices two things as a result of this roll. One: on the TV there’s a report about a Hutt who’s just been violently taken down in some sort of internal Hutt police action; the victorious party’s ghouls are basically standing on the TV holding bazookas labelled “crime cannon” and saying “damn shame when ‘accidents’ like this happen.” Two: Rek took a bit longer to get up than he should have and he got up weird. He’s favoring one side and seems like he was recently hurt. Drax- who canonically has the uncanny talent to pick the exact right drink for anyone- orders Rek what is essentially a chocolate milkshake with gin in it. (We recall the very first time Drax met an even younger Rek and made the mistake of saying “whatever you want, kid, my treat,” at a cheap burger joint. The camera begins on Drax making a face of mixed horror and disbelief and pans over to where a child Rek sits, surrounded by the detritus of empty cartons, baskets, and wrappers, and drinking a soda cup full of free condiments as he continues to eat.)

Rek gets up, saunters over, and does a manly lean onto Rek’s table. His voice hasn’t quite finished dropping yet, and he’s trying to pitch it down, without complete success. He’s wearing clothes that look too big for him- hand me downs from other gang members, including a decent, if worn, flak jacket- but he’s managing to pull off a thuggish look with it. Drax reaches over and flips the safety on Rek’s gun back on. He asks his teenage miscreant buddy how it’s been going and Rek assures him that it’s been good. Nothing bad. Then he inhales 75% of an alcohol milkshake without breathing to avoid following up on a really unconvincing “nothing bad.” When asked what he’s getting kudos from the boss for, Rek replies “keeping quiet, mostly.” Drax is a professional bounty hunter, and has been talking to members of the gang- he knows they stole a load of drugs recently and have been moving it around in smallish shipments. He’s able to intuit Rek’s been working as a mule and assumes he was caught and gave nothing away.

Rek says he heard Drax and Patience got divorced, and he’s glad because, man, she was evil. Drax rubs his face and says yeah, you were right. It was ugly. She cleaned me out. But she’s gone now. Rek’s face lights up. She’s not dead, Drax corrects. Rek’s face falls again. He thinks about it, gives the kind of sage nod only a teenage boy who thinks he knows everything can, and goes “Bitches be crazy, man.”

“I know we’re divorced, but you don’t talk about my wife like that,” Drax replies.

Rek nods, and, after a pause, says with the air of someone who means a lot more, “I’m glad you’re back.”

Rek asks Drax, as a man of the world, for advice on talking to, you know, a girl. Drax says just tell her you like her, worst she can say is no. Rek opines that No would be a huge fucking deal. Drax says, listen. Don’t peacock. Be yourself. You’re a good kid.

At this point he gets a ping on his datapad. In the last fifteen minutes, there’s been a flood of bounties, all related to the recently dead hutt. One in particular is flagged as very close to Drax’s location- no more than a 20 minute hyperspace jump: a twi’lek by the name of Suvi’ovask. Drax turns the bounty around to Rek and asks if he knows this guy.

“He’s the galaxy’s biggest fucking asshole,” says Rek, who rolled very well. He’s a slave hunter for the Hutts with such a brutal reputation that people kill themselves when they hear he’s on their trail. He always brings people in alive, but, you know, alive’s a pretty broad category. Rek is very much of the opinion that being both a twi’lek and a slave hunter is the worst selling out you could possibly do.

Well, says Drax, I don’t speak Ryl or the, you know, tail thing. You wanna come with me on this one? Rek’s eyes light up. Meet me at the ship in an hour, says Drax.

During the interval he looks up his quarry. They bounty makes a specific note that any technology found on the mark is considered part of the bounty, and it says it in such a way that it implies that’s worth a lot. He’s known to be dispatched on a moon called Unlau, orbiting a gas giant. A good roll means Drax has been there before, though not professionally. He and his first wife visited. The moon is far from the local star, but near both a nebula and an arm of the spiral galaxy in such a way that it exists in a kind of perpetual twilight full of brilliant stars, and it’s famous for geysers, waterfalls, and cave filled cliffs. It’s on the edge of Hutt space- one of the last stops before you go in, which means it’s a trading post, a favorite spot for smugglers, and a place a lot of runaway slaves wash up. It’s also about 75% twi’lek by population.

Drax puts a bunch of snacks where Rek will know to look for them. Rek gets there early, seemingly packing nothing but his blaster, though he is wearing a large jacket. Drax reminds him they might be gone for a while and Rek seems perplexed as to why he’s bringing it up. The ship is more spartan than Rek might remember. Rek asks what happened to the paneling that was in here. Drax responds by yelling “Divorce!” down the corridor.

(A pause as we imagine Patience in jodhpurs on a manicured green lawn, in front of a young holding a tray full of drinks and wearing shorts that look both tiny and uncomfortable. She yells “PULL” and raises a laser canon.)

Drax calls Rek up to the cockpit when he’s ready to leave. Rek has found the snacks, grabbed all of them, and secreted them away various places on his person. Drax shakes his head and reaches over to switch the safety back on on Rek’s gun. He asks Rek if he’s sure he can handle himself, because this guy is going to be dangerous. Rek is a teenager raised by pirates. He’s sure he can handle himself no matter what the situation is.

And then Drax punches the ship to lightspeed and the stars become bright blue lines, and our boys are off on an adventure.

(Also gave my player a bit of out of character meta on what to expect: which is to say his quarry will be trying to evade him. He can spend as much or as little time investigating as he likes, and he’ll be rewarded for doing so with information, BUT his quarry will be spending that time gathering assets that will be used against him (unless he can use information he’s found to deny those assets to his quarry). Then it’ll be a question of defeating the challenges posed by those assets and catching the quarry before he can jump planet. His opponent will also be using the gadgeteer bounty hunter talent tree, same as him).

#Edge of the Empire #tabletop rp #the Drax Krieger files #Rek #teenage Rek #I DMed

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keywestlou · 4 years

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I AM MY FATHER'S SON

DAY 23…..Greece the First Time

Posted on June 19, 2012 by Key West Lou

I can’t wait to get out of Dodge!

In the past two days, I have been in an automobile accident and fallen two times.

The accident you already know about. The falls are another story.

I have been falling on a frequent basis this past year. Generally stub my toe going up stairs. Forget there is one or two more steps going down.

My first fall yesterday had nothing to do with stairs. Chaise lounges have become a problem, also.

Around lunch time yesterday, I was getting up off a lounge chair by the pool. Rising from low levels has become as much of a problem as the stair bit. I lost my balance in the process. Turned to grab the back of the lounge. Spun myself around to avoid falling. Still fell. Sprained my lower right back. I still am having spasms. Also must have strained something inside in the area of the appendix. Hurts getting up. I no longer have an appendix, however.

Last night, I decided to walk down to Chora for dinner. The previous two nights had been spent eating in the hotel. Pain and all, I was on my way.

My hotel is below street level. A dozen steps to the top and the street. I stubbed my toe on the last step. Down I went. Hard. Tried to break my fall. Somehow my right wrist got in the way. I felt something snap. Terrific! Just what I need, I thought. A broken wrist.

Three ladies were walking along the road nearby. They rushed over and attended to me. They looked scared. In spite of my protestations that I was alright. My right wrist hurt. I wanted to get up. I have already told you I have problems getting up from low levels. Especially the ground itself. I explained this to the ladies. Two of them helped me up.

No going down the hill to Chora for me last night!

I went into the hotel dining room instead. My friend Christina was running the shop. Told her I needed an ice bag and the Beefeater bottle immediately. Yes, my hotel is one of the few places in Mykonos that carries Beefeater. I believe they went out and bought it special for me.

I covered the wrist in ice. Poured my first gin. I wanted to be pain free as much as possible. Did not want to get involved with a hospital till I knew I really needed one. Like tomorrow morning.

Gin #2 followed soon after gin #1. Drank it a bit slower.Then went to gin # 3. Drank that one even slower.

By this time, between the ice and gin, I was feeling no pain.

I had no appetite. Offered my thanks and headed off to bed.

This morning told the tale. No break, fortunately. Wrist swollen. Hurts. No discoloration. Back spasms worse.

About twenty years ago, I rented a house on Block Island for a couple of weeks. The whole family came! They were sleeping everywhere!

Block Island is off the coast of Rhode Island. A terrific summer vacation place. Sun, beaches, clams, lobster, etc.

One morning my father and I were walking in town. I noticed that his head was always down as he walked. I asked him why. To see where I am stepping…..so I do not fall. He was starting to fall a lot around that time.

There was a problem in looking down all the time to see where to step and avoid a fall. He was bumping into people constantly.

I watched. My father started to get mad. He said these people are impolite. They keep bumping into me. I told him it was he who was causing the problem. He could not watch his feet and see where he was going at the same time. He refused to accept my judgment. But that is what was occurring.

I have started to have falling problems about the same time as my father did in his life. Though I am not yet at the stage where I always watch my feet. I will concede however it might help to watch them when I am going up and down stairs.

There is a point to this story about my Dad. Maybe more about me. I am my father’s son. And proud of it in spite of the adverse circumstances awaiting me.

I was up at noon. Felt pretty good. Spasms still there. Wrtist still hurting.

This is my last day in Mykonos. Hopefully. The boat people told me they are not sure the boats will be going to Amorgos tomorrow because of the continuing weather. However, they suggested a back up. Crete! Great! My Facebook friend Jimmy Brown lives on Crete. I would love to hook up with him.

I did not want to stay in bed my last day in Mykonos. I headed for Elia Beach. First time I had been there. The nicest of the three beaches I have visited. Horseshoe shaped. Towering cliffs on each side. Beautifully clear water.

And it is that kind of place! Nudity on the agenda big time!

I have eye strain.

Tonight my last meal in Mykonos. It is to be Nikos again. I was there three nights ago and loved the place. It was lamb shank buried in greens covered in a thick lemon sauce.

I who always had to know precisely where I was going, when I would arrive, where I would stay, etc. am taking everything in stride this trip. I am not sure which island tomorrow. Nor do I have a reservation at any hotel. The two islands are accustomed to travelers like me knocking on their door looking for a room.

I have changed.

Enjoy your day!

—

Today is definitely May Jonson’s last day. My understanding is the library is looking for May’s next diary.

A few closing thoughts.

Loved following May in her diary for two years. So have many others. Her diary also provided an inside view of Key West 1896-1897.

As earlier shared, May never got to marry “her love” Everest. She met a Naval pharmacist and married him. They traveled far and wide with the Navy. His last port of call was in the Philippines. They decided that before returning to Key West, they would take a trip around the world. Which they did.

Everest became a prominent person. His place of employment was Miami. Never picked never picked up on that in the diary readings. At some point, Everest and his brother opened a store in Miami. Then several more.

Everest became head of the Chamber of Commerce. Then Mayor. He served as Miami Mayor several times.

Learned something else. School in Key West must have been only mornings. May was always home for lunch. Lunch actually was dinner during those times.

I, as well as many others I am sure, are hopeful more of May’s diaries can be found. Our time with her has been delightful and informative.

Rush Limbaugh died yesteryear. He was 70.

He became the voice of the conservative right during his years of broadcasting. Most of his comments were to the extreme right.

I cannot recall an instance I agreed with him. Never the less, I respected his right to share his views. As I would assume he would mine.

I have always considered those I disagree with to be the “indispensable opposition.” Contrary voices must be heard. There is always an alternative point of view.

Though my disagreements were vehement, I respected his right to share his views.

I also am not speaking adversely about the man. He is dead. I am one of those who believe persons should only speak good of the dead. Let the dead lie.

Not everyone agrees with me, however. Some pretty harsh comments in the past 24 hours.

Limbaugh has been referred to as “The Bigoted King of Talk Radio.”

“A bigot and a misogynist who saturated America’s airways with cruel lies and conspiracy theories for decades, transforming the GOP in the process.”

“Men like Limbaugh are the enemies of all good people; all decent people.”

Recall Mark Anthony standing over Caesar’s body: “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones.”

The Canadian blogger Ian Welsh: “Rush Limbaugh escapes the hell-world he created.” He was “one of he most important people in creating the modern right, driving deregulation and spreading hate and racism.”

If money is a measure of a man’s success, Limbaugh was very successful. In 2018, Limbaugh was the second highest paid radio host. His earnings $84.5 million.

Tuesday fast food workers struck in 15 states demanding a $15 minimum wage. Included in the fast food businesses were McDonald’s, Burger King, and Wendy’s.

Something I never knew. What happened to the casket John F. Kennedy had been placed in in Dallas.

On this day in 1966, the casket used to carry the body of John F. Kennedy from Dallas to Washington was parachuted into oblivion.

The casket was blood stained because of the magnitude of Kennedy’s head wounds. The family decided a different casket was required for Kennedy to lie in State and be buried in.

The original casket was initially stored in a secure Washington warehouse.

At the family’s request, the casket was disposed of by the Air Force.

The casket was filled with sand bags, encased in a solid pine box, following which 40 holes were drilled into the structure, bands with metal banding tape used to encase the pine structure, and finally the structure was fitted with parachutes.

A C130 transport plane flew 100 miles into the Atlantic to a specific point where the water was 9,000 feet deep and away from shipping lines. The ensemble was dropped softly into the water because of the parachutes and sank immediately.

The President lies in Arlington National Cemetery where The Eternal Flame burns at the head of the President’s grave.

Enjoy your day!

I AM MY FATHER’S SON was originally published on Key West Lou

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zsielous · 7 years

Note

I do want to read your opinions

Well, sure. If you guys want to read one of my game critiques, just read beneath the cut, as this is gonna be a long post.

Crash Bandicoot: Twinsanity is one of those games that I hate to love, and love to hate. To put it on the most basest terms, To sum my entire feelings of it, it’s mediocre. As in, it’s dreadfully boring in almost every aspect. Even when I was young, and playing through it, I found myself incredibly bored of it’s concept and plot to the degree that I either moved to PC entirely, or shipped to a different series entirely by the point I had gotten as far as I could be bothered to. The level design is archaic and linear, the challenge ranges from mind-numbingly boring to annoying levels of difficult, and a lot of the game’s pacing and story feel stilted and odd.

But let’s break things down piece by piece so I can explain why the game’s bad. First, let’s focus on the main aspect - the gameplay. The controls are well-done - surprisingly so. Everything feels about how it should be, good levels of resistence from boxes, spinning and movement feel good. But the jumping is the first arrow in this games Achille’s heel. The gravity in this game is... Off. By a wide margin. It feels like Crash should, and sometimes can, jump higher, longer, and without as much control as other games. In a lot of the other games, you could control your jumps. Everything feels odd and floaty in the air, and sometimes jumps can be frustrating to make, especially when they require focus. Wrath of Cortex, for example, had a fairly set gravity and controlling yourself whilst in the air was manageable to the degree where you could complete most of the challenges. Twinsanity felt... Floaty.

Let’s talk about moveset. Most of Crash’s moves from previous games are outright abandoned. No powerups, no cool, nifty little tricks. Just spinning and jumping. Sliding works about 2% of the time, and the other 98%, you die, or would do the job quicker spinning or simply jumping on them. While that’s nothing new for the Crash formula, it feels lazy how little you have to do. Enemy placement is usually sporadic enough as it is (until you get to the ant levels, where if you don’t spin, you’ll die quickly) that generally speaking, even spinning is useless. The crates they provide are mere distractions from the incredibly linear story and level design. Sure, you can get the coloured gems, but they’re so few and far between the levels, it’s easier just to get past the story as it is. Speaking of story...

Let’s focus on this game’s greatest flaw. The story. Dear God, the story. They had so much potential with this game’s story. Crash and Cortex teaming up together to fight an otherworldly evil that Cortex himself created. That sounds like the coolest, best idea you could have. Even the intro is promising, where Cortex lures you into a trap where you find all the other bosses from the previous games, all lined up and ready to beat you down. You could’ve done so much in the opening fight - like having a boss rush, or placing bosses throughout the story with their own little zones or stories and conflicts. But no. They’re just there one moment and gone the next. You only fight a total of four Crash bosses that are from Crash games. And one of them, N. Gin, is literally just a waiting game. No cool battle in space, or at sea on his admittedly cool giant naval ship. No, you fight him on a tiny platform and make him explode himself. Then two minutes after a very generic “boulder chase” sequence (really, it was not that great, but a nice little reference), you fight a DUO of N. Brio and N. Tropy. That has so many possibilities! Could you imagine fighting N. Brio as N. Tropy warps you from location to location, past and future? That would be insane! But no. You fight them on a tiny iceberg. Dingodile shows up midway through the game, and his fight is... Pathetic.

The original bosses - the three of them that there are - range from pathetic, to insanely hard without exploits, to impossible. Mecha Bandicoot is an echo of what the N. Gin fight could’ve been. In fact, I’d wager that it’s harder than N. Gin is. And mind you, this thing is not tricky in the slightest. Madamme Amberly is... Hard. That’s all there is to it. Cortex controls like a much sloppier Crash, and his ranged weapon is pointlessly pathetic. And it has ammo that you need to keep track of. When you fight Amberly, you’re graced with infinite ammunition, but her fight is mash central, and one of the main reasons I couldn’t beat the game as a kid. It was so arbitrarily difficult that it wasn’t fun. It wasn’t until much later until I found out about an explot you could use to glitch her priority targeting that the fight became a cakewalk. We’ll get to the final boss. Let’s talk about the design.

This game is gorgeous. Drop-dead, hands-down one of the most colourful and well-designed PS2 games I’ve played to date. You could tell a lot of heart and soul went into the project just looking at the concept art and the models and animations. Everything looks stellar, almost better than some PS3 or 360 games I’ve played to date. It’s atmospheric in some places, and ingenious in others, from the totemic, tribalistic regions on N. Sanity island, to the futuristic complex of Cortex’s Arctic lair, to the gothic designes of Madamme Amberly’s, to the warped world of the 5th dimension - it’s all designed brilliantly. Shame the levels are dead-straight tracts of land. They had all these great elements and they never got to use them, or just made the game far too linear to explore some more cool themes. The soundtrack is excellent - an acapella group recreating all the sounds of instruments just using their voices? In some places, it’s cheery and goofy (the N. Sanity Beach theme is still stuck in my head), and others it’s grim and depressing (the 5th dimension is still haunting to this day). Again, the final boss is perhaps the greatest theme of all time in my brain, but we’ll get to that. Promise.

Let’s get back to the story. The story is the biggest crutch. It’s begging for Cortex to have a whole stock of cool and unique weapons and gadgets at his disposal to deal with his problems rather than dirty his hands. The new threat even beats out his own master, Uka-Uka AND Aku-Aku together. You’d think Cortex would, oh, I don’t know, fabricate hundreds of machines or robots to defeat them, or they would find a means of turning the other bosses against you. Nope. They appear a grand total of FOUR TIMES. And they only intervene ONCE. Every other time they laud about how powerful they are and what they’re going to do to the planet Earth, then piss off to who knows where to do... Nothing. Their minions make more appearances than they do! Dingodile makes more appearances than they do! They aren’t showing how evil this new evil is. They don’t show them doing the things they claim to be doing. The most they do to convince Cortex is remove his brain from his skull. That’s it. Okay, cool, now do something like steal parts of his brain to make him a good guy, or steal the ideas for his next plan. Nope, they just shunt it back in there after pulling it out. They send minions to do their job because they have no power to do extraordinary things. It’s... Depressing. A huge buildup for the advertising, and the game, and we’re delivered a very generic, bland experience. No unique or memorable bosses (save the final boss), no actual semblance of a plot (outside of stop the bad guys) and no Evil versus Evil. It’s just “oh, they’re here, best stop them”. There is so little about this story or the actual threat the Evil poses that this game falls flat on it’s face. In the original Crash, you could see where the shifts happened - Island 3, which is mechanized pollution and radioactive waste, more mechanical levels), Crash 2 had the whole futuristic theme to it (as did Crash 3)... Things built up to stopping Cortex as he was about to achieve his goals. Twinsanity you walk in before the goals were even started, and you fight the final boss. Let’s talk about this. Because the final boss is important to me on so many levels.

The final boss of Crash Twinsanity... Is legendary. It is, by far, the best example of what this game could’ve been. You fight a giant mechanical scarab-ant-thing, armed with flamethrowers, minions, lazers, guns, explosives... This thing is a gigantic threat. It’s even got shields. You fight this thing in the heart of an insane factory that produces the minions, in a small arena surrounded by a moat of lava with a kickass song playing as all three playable characters doing their own thing to stop the boss. And by God, it is why I love this game so much. There is so much potential brimming from this one boss. You use the platforming skills from Nina to break down it’s shields, you fight as Cortex shooting away it’s main guns, then you beat the mech down WITH MECHA BANDICOOT. My GOD it is so satisfying. This boss is so well-designed, it feels like an actual struggle, like an actual fight for your life. My copy of the game bugged, so when I played as Nina, I had to jump in the dark to try reach the hook-holds of the shield generators, which made the game so much more tense for me, at least. It’s just a crying shame that the rest of the game is piddle-pandering to the crowd that it misses out on what could’ve been so good. If the rest of the game was like this one boss - actual threats, real tension, and use of character skills beyond just the quirk of playing them, then Twinsanity would’ve been the number one Crash game of all time.

But it isn’t. It’s a mess of a game. A very pretty mess, but it wants to push presentation over gameplay or story. Everything is cookie-cutter and generic. It’s such a disappointment. But the final boss makes this game so, so worth it. All in all, I give the game a 3/10. There just isn’t enough of the game that I think is good, but the final boss pushes this from being a title not worth picking up.

#my opinions #game critique #Crash Twinsanity #Crash Bandicoot #this is in reference to another ask btw #sorry this took so long #Anonymous

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stillthewordgirl · 8 years

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Fic: Central City Rendezvous, Ch. 7

Rip Hunter never came for the Legends. But maybe some meetings are meant to be… (Captain Canary, of course.)

This one takes place around the events of the Flash episode "Versus Zoom."

I own nothing. Thanks to LarielRomeniel for the beta.

Can also be read here at AO3 or here at FF.net.

A day later, Leonard decides he needs to get his cold gun back and get out of here. As soon as possible, preferably. Out of S.T.A.R. Labs, out of Central City. He'll do a few jobs elsewhere, maybe track down Mick. He'll come back when... when... well, at some point.

He snarks at Barry when the man drops by, getting hurt puppy-dog eyes as a result. He gives Caitlin the cold shoulder when she arrives to check his progress (and just gets an eye roll in return). Sara is distracted and quiet, although she smiles at him during her much briefer-than-usual visit. She doesn't seem to mind that he's distracted and quiet, too.

She suddenly squeezes his hand before she leaves. The imprint of her warm fingers on his stays with him much longer than it should.

A day after that, Sara brings a bottle of scotch when she arrives for a much longer visit. She smirks at him as she pours them each a glass, and her fingers brush his as she hands it to him, and he feels the cold expression he'd been wearing shifting into a return smirk. Before he knows it, and against his better judgment, they're soon both sprawled on the bed playing gin. Someone, they wind up playing—and talking—into the night.

Maybe he'll stick around for a bit. Maybe. Just because he's mostly moving on his own doesn't mean his ankle is that steady, after all. And his wrist is only newly out of the cast...

Another day later, he knows he needs to leave.

The next one, he changes his mind.

And the day after that, he feels like he's losing his mind.

She's…she's touching him more. Nothing like the night she spent curled up with him, or the kisses that one morning, nothing so direct, but little things, like hands brushing, shoulders bumping. Legs touching when they're playing cards. She gives him a hand up from his chair when his ankle, which is really doing much better, suddenly is disinclined to accept his weight, and the touch of her hand feels almost like a caress.

Really, there's no "almost" about it.

He doesn't like casual physical contact. Never has... or, at least, hasn't as long as he can remember. He should be reacting badly to this, very badly.

Instead, he's craving it. Looking for reasons, for chances, to prolong the touch; thinking about running a hand through her hair, just because he can, suggesting movies on the fifth and sixth nights just because she might curl up next to him again. (She does, her head on his shoulder, although it doesn't stay there long as she gets animated, helping him poke holes in the logistics of "Ocean's 11" and its sequels and enjoying it all the same.)

He feels... addicted. And it scares the shit out of him. So much so that he's pretty much resolved, by the seventh day, to leave again, as soon as he can. To make a clean break, for both of them.

And then Barry Allen pays him another visit.

"You…what?" He mentally curses his less-than-eloquent response, but recovers (he hopes) by glaring at Barry, who is looking somewhat sheepish. "You've had another evil speedster, one from another Earth, fucking around in my city—for months now!-and you didn't say a word?"

"Well. It's not like you could have done much about it," the kid fires back gamely. "Didn't seem to be much purpose in it." He glances at Sara, who's standing between the two of them, arms folded. "Still not sure there is."

"Then why tell me now?" He folds his arms where he stands (on his own, yay him) by the table, a semi-conscious echo of her posture.

His suspicion is correct. Barry tips his head toward Sara. "She didn't think we should keep you in the dark," he says. "Especially after what happened with Trajectory. So I gotta admit, there's truth to that."

Leonard gives Sara a quick glance, trying to convey a flicker of gratitude, before glaring at Barry again. "So did you bring me my gun? Just in case?"

"What?" Barry blinks, glances from him to Sara and back. "No."

"Then how the hell am I supposed to defend myself if something does happen?"

"Well, as I said before, the previous offer stands." The speedster actually has the temerity to hold up a hand as Leonard starts to retort. "But there's time to argue about that later. Now, I'm going to take him down. We have a plan." His eyes narrow and his mouth becomes a thin, angry line. "And I'm four times as fast as I was before."

Four times as fast? "Oh. Joy. How'd you manage that?"

Barry shrugs and gives him a half-grin, an expression that looks much more natural on his face. "You think I'm going to tell you?" He shakes his head. "I have to go. We have to move." He looks at Sara again. "You sure you just want to hold the fort here?"

"I'm sure. Someone has to." Sara heads toward the other side of the room, jacket in hand. Leonard notices her collapsible bo tucked into a belt loop. She doesn't normally go (visibly) armed around him... and he's pretty sure it's not, now, for his benefit.

Barry shrugs. "OK, fine." He turns to go. "Wish us luck."

He's not sure what makes him speak up then. The fact that he still owes the kid, much as he hates to admit it? The knowledge that without Barry Allen, Central City, his Central City, would be that much more vulnerable to people like this Zoom? "Barry." The kid glances back at him. "It's not all about raw speed. Hell, you should know that from the times I beat you."

Barry stares at him a moment, then shakes his head and gives them both a cocksure grin.

"I got this," he assures them, then turns and walks out the door.

Frowning, Leonard watches him go. Something, he thinks, is about to go sideways.

Alexa.

"This isn't going to go well," he says, knowing Sara's listening, feeling her presence right at his shoulder.

A moment later, he feels a warm hand reach up and curve around his bicep, squeezing just a little.

"I'm sort of afraid," Sara tells him, "that you're right about that."

And so he is.

Sara's decided that learning some basic tai chi is a good way to help him steady his ankle and he's playing along. The fact that she's even more gorgeous when laughing at his annoyance-and that she's taking every opportunity to physically correct his footing and posture-doesn't hurt.

So she's there, grinning at him, her fingers wrapped around his wrist, when a very different Barry Allen than the one they'd spoken with earlier slams through the door. (Walking quickly, not running, which is a distinction he'll only recall later.)

Sara's bo is out and brandished fast enough that even a speedster might pause. Leonard has no weapons—though that trusty crutch is leaning against the wall nearby—but he does go tense, hands clenching into fists, at the sight before them.

Barry walks right up to him and shoves his burden—the cold gun—into his startled one-time nemesis' arms, taking a deep breath before looking up and meeting Leonard's eyes.

"You need to get out of here." Barry's eyes are just a little red, but there's resolve there too, and anger—and not for one Leonard Snart. "As soon as you can."

He takes the gun out of reflex, arms almost hugging the cool metal to himself—although despite what Mick claims, it is not a strange sort of security blanket. "What..."

"Barry." Sara's lowered her bo, but she hasn't put it away. "What's going on? What happened?"

The speedster looks at her. "Zoom. It didn't work. He took…" He stops and shakes his head. "…and he took Caitlin." He drags in a shaky breath, and glances back at Leonard. "And she knows you're here. He…he might make her talk. You have to leave."

After six weeks cooped up in here, he should be nothing short of relieved to hear those words. "Why?" he says slowly instead, as he hears Sara take a shocked breath at this news. "Why try to get rid of me now?"

Barry frowns, glancing over his shoulder as if the enemy speedster is right on his heels. "Look," he says quickly. "I can't really tell you why. I promised…"

"Promised who?"

"…but you know that Zoom's from a different Earth. And, well, you…the you who's there…he's a very important man." Barry runs a hand through his hair with agitation. "And he's Zoom's enemy. And Zoom, I'm told, would give a lot to get his hands on you, use you to impersonate this man..."

"I'm not that easy to use. And I want to know who…"

Sara moves up besides him then, and there's determination and anger in her blue eyes. "Barry, I think you need to tell him..."

But the kid just blinks and looks at her like he's never seen her before. "And Sara. You have to leave too."

"What? I can help…"

"No. You…the you in Earth-2…" Barry shakes his head again. "Well. Ha...I didn't know about this before. I'm sorry; I can't tell you how right now. I promise I will later, if I can." He sighs. "But it would be very bad if he got you, too. Just…trust me."

Sara stares at him, then closes her eyes.

"She knows about my apartment, though. Caitlin." She looks sick. "She helped me move in. And I can't go back to Star City right now; I promised, but where…"

"I have a safe house."

They both turn and stare at Leonard, who glances away at this scrutiny.

"You can crash there," he says shortly, not looking at Sara, trying to downplay the moment. "Not too homey, but no reason Snow would know about it. Long as you need."

Barry nods then, once, and there might almost be gratitude in his eyes. Sara…

Sara's face is carefully blank. But her eyes are full of something he can't really put a name to. Gratitude and fear for her friend and…more.

This is, he thinks, probably a colossal mistake, just like so many other ones he's made since returning to Central City—and an unexpected rendezvous with a White Canary.

But somehow, he just can't make himself regret it.

Her motorcycle is parked outside S.T.A.R. Labs. While Leonard, with his mostly healed but occasionally unsteady ankle, probably shouldn't be riding it, there aren't a lot of options right now. (Especially since he just gives her a look when she notes he could call a cab.)

He puts his arms around her without hesitation, though, when she climbs on in front of him, and if the situation weren't so depressing, she'd enjoy that a lot—both the feel of warm, lean muscle around her and her back tucked against his front. (OK, so maybe she does still enjoy it a little.) For his part, there are no flirty comments this time, no sideways smirks. They drive away from S.T.A.R. Labs without a single word, though she feels Len turn to look back over his shoulder as they go.

Her apartment isn't far, and she leaves him with the bike as she runs up to grab a bag—not even considering that leaving the crook with the motorcycle might not be a good idea. But he's still there when she returns, his gaze turned inward and his expression thoughtful.

They leave again, with only a jerk of his head to tell her what direction to head in. After a moment, he starts offering quiet directions in her ear. She follows them without comment, bringing them to—what else?--what seems to be an abandoned warehouse in a rather seedy part of Central City.

He opens the lock with no problem, motioning for her to wheel the bike in behind him. She does so, leaving it in the dark corridor just inside the door and reaching for his arm as she notices him wobble a little.

He lets her.

She hasn't missed the conflict in him at times, this past week as she's conducted her campaign of…oh, call it what it is: very slow seduction. Because of that, she's tried to be very cognizant of when to stop, when to back off a little. Any sort of discomfort, after all, is very profoundly not what she's going for here.

But as the days have gone on, she's pretty sure she hasn't imagined the change in things, the way he's turned to her, the desire there, under an also-increasing sense of camaraderie. And now they're both here, in his territory, alone together, and it's awful, what's happened, but still she can't help but…

They proceed down the dark hallway, pausing so Len can also unlock the door at the other end, Sara's hand still steady on his arm. He pushes it open, then moves ahead of her to enter, flipping on the light.

He was right. It's not much, and it looks precisely like what it is: a former office converted into a relatively spare, just-in-case living space. A small kitchenette with a mini fridge, microwave, sink and a few cupboards is to their left, an equally small living area with a futon, a battered chair and a TV (the only obviously newish thing in view) to the right. A long table sort of divides them, and a hallway stretches away opposite the entry.

It will do.

She takes a deep breath, nearly letting her bag drop to the floor, but looks at him first. He's looking back at her, something guarded in his eyes, and she takes her cue from that. She doesn't drop the bag quite yet.

But she does say, "Thank you."

A jerky nod and a half-shrug. Then: "Come on."

She gets what her dad would call the 5-cent tour, then, even as Len checks the safe house for changes in what seems to have been a decently long absence: the kitchen area with its mostly empty fridge (he winces at the cheap beer and vile-smelling take-out box that sit in there), the workspace that currently just has a few odd mechanical components on it, the TV and the DVDs that are both neatly stacked (Leonard's, she thinks) and in wild disarray. He leads her to the other corridor and nods to one of four closed doors.

"Bathroom. Let me go in there first." He looks pained. "I don't know if my…roommate…has kept it very clean. Probably not."

Her lips quirk in response, but she just says, "OK."

"The door at the far end…another exit. Well, more hallways, but it will eventually lead you out. It stays locked." He nods to the other far door. "Mick's room. Eh. Wouldn't recommend going in there."

Ah. The partner of the take-out and cheap beer. "Got it."

With a hesitation, then, he reaches out and opens the door to the other room.

It's a bedroom, fairly small. And it just screams "Leonard."

A small desk, neat and clear. (She can picture it spread with papers, but that's far more likely to be the table in the main room, she thinks.) Two bookshelves, packed with books. A bed, full or queen? She can't tell.

Big enough for two, anyway, if the two are…close.

She rips her mind away from that.

Len's eyes are on her, and she wonders if he has any idea what she's thinking. But all he says is: "You can have the room."

"Come on. I'm fine on the futon…"

"No." A quick headshake. "It's easier for me to sleep there. Really. Railings if I have to get up."

We could share… "OK."

He looks at her a moment longer; does he have regrets? If so, he doesn't speak them. "It's late," he continues. "We'll figure out how to get some provisions in the morning. I want to know what you know about…whatever's going on. And…well. We'll figure it out."

"OK," she repeats, turning to him and finally letting her bag drop to the floor. "You're doing well enough? Ankle? Wrist? Ribs?"

"Just fine." He gives her the closest thing she's seen to his habitual smirk. "Really. It's late now. Get some rest. We'll probably need it."

Join me?

She doesn't say it. "OK."

"OK."

And then he's gone, the door closed behind him, and she's left there. Staring at the bed.

There's not much else to do, really. She changes into a pair of yoga pants and a T-shirt and, after another hesitation, turns out the light and slips into the gray flannel sheets.

They're soft, obviously well-worn, but clean. And, even so… she takes a deep breath… they smell like him.

Desire, suppressed due to the stress of the evening, hits like a kick in the stomach, and she sucks in a breath, curling around herself.

This is, she thinks, going to be…a challenge.

Len lies on the futon, out in the silent living area, staring at the ceiling.

Sara Lance is in his safe house. Sara Lance is in his bed.

And he's not there with her.

This is, he thinks, going to be…a challenge.

#captain canary #legends of tomorrow #fanfic #sara lance #leonard snart

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