#given the source material it’s likely these were drawn YEARS ago - like when i first started drawing for hphm

[marmotish]

yeh ok i stand corrected

[shihalyfie]

Kizuna drama CD: Detail spotting and nuance analysis

02 involved displaying its group dynamic through mundane interactions and wacky hijinks, and the circumstances of an eight-year block of time between Kizuna and 02, plus the fact that Hikari and Takeru operate separately from the others due to the movie’s circumstances, mean that the drama CD centering around the group is actually our most reliable source of info regarding how they’re doing at this time and how their group dynamic is going. Much like 02 itself, getting a lot of this nuance requires reading between the lines, so let’s take a closer look!

Since this is a drama CD and not animated material, I’ll be going through this in bullet points instead of screenshots.

The fact that the drama CD itself deliberately uses the same format as a 02 episode carries a very strong implication that, unlike their seniors who are going through an existential crisis about how much of their childhood experiences they can bring with them into adulthood, the 02 group is still roughly able to recreate the same atmosphere they had eight years ago. Noticeably, the ending song chosen for this is the first ED (Tomorrow My Wind Will Blow), the more lighthearted one used for the first half, before a lot of really emotionally vicious things started happening to them.

The phrase “it’s been a while” and variants thereof come up between this group a lot within this drama CD (and once in the movie itself, from Hawkmon to the others). Look closely at the circumstances of this drama CD and how everyone seems to be very intimately aware of each other’s situations, and the fact that this story obviously takes place only a short time before the movie itself -- so it really hasn’t been a very long time at all, but apparently even that much is considered a “long time” for them. (It also seems like they’re going out of their way to make sure they’re still keeping in regular contact even when they can’t actually meet up.)

Daisuke says, very clearly, that Iori was the one he intended to approach “first” because he was so busy -- but he’s shown walking in with Takeru, meaning that the two of them are on very good terms now and seem to have been hanging out independently.

Daisuke wanted his plan to be a “surprise” reveal to the others, and the actual practical purpose of his plan (it being a career study trip for him) seems to have been very low on the priority list to the point it takes the CD’s entire half-hour runtime for him to finally bring it up. Before then, he’d been cheerfully fantasizing about all the fun things he’d get to do with them, and it even says a lot that he’d also wanted to discuss this at a karaoke bar of all things, so, really, in his head, “hanging out with friends and having fun with them” is the actual priority (especially since there’s basically no reason he needs to have the others on his ramen research trip, he just wants them there because he does).

The fact that the boys have to sneak in the Digimon to avoid getting extra charges means that society will now recognize them as patrons to be regularly charged.

Daisuke is asked by Iori which people he intends to bring to his trip, which implies that the 02 group isn’t technically an exclusive club or anything...but then Daisuke proceeds to list off the 02 group by name, implying that this group does indeed have a particularly elevated level of importance to him.

Look carefully at the nuances surrounding whom Daisuke wants to invite to his trip: he wanted to invite the seniors as well, but resigned himself to the fact it’d probably be impossible because they were too busy...only for the others to point out that the rest of the 02 group is also busy, but everyone is confident that they’ll make it work, and Daisuke wants them there to the point of listing them by name. So in other words, Daisuke likes everyone and would like everyone around in the ideal situation, but when push comes to shove, the rest of the 02 group is whom he really wants to have around, and said group can be reliably counted on to do whatever it takes to make it work.

The way everyone casually describes each other's circumstances (and in specific detail, not just generally describing what they're up to) says a lot; Armadimon's still talking with Hawkmon about Miyako (meaning Miyako and Iori are still regularly in contact), Takeru's up-to-date with Ken's life to the point of knowing his upcoming schedule, Daisuke's fully aware of how busy Iori is, and, later, the one to affectionately greet Hawkmon is none other than Wormmon, who, back in 02, used to only really be close with Ken himself and V-mon. You can see that everyone’s still constantly involved in each other’s lives, including their own partners being up-to-date on each other (compare the more distant relationship their seniors are portrayed with in the movie itself, both with each other and with their partners), and you can also see that Ken and Wormmon have fully integrated themselves into the group to the point it’s a completely casual affair (Iori, the one who infamously had the longest and most drawn-out process in accepting Ken, is the one to personally ask him about his preferences).

That said, note that Takeru and Iori still seem to be on surname basis with Ken, even despite obviously being much closer with him than they were before; unfortunately, it seems that having been on surname basis with him so long in 02 became a habit, leaving Daisuke and Miyako as the only ones currently known to have switched to given name basis with him.

It’s interesting that Ken, not Daisuke, is the one explicitly stated to be keeping up with soccer to the point of having schedule commitments, whereas no mention of this whatsoever is made with Daisuke, and it’s entirely possible that Daisuke actually quit playing it in an organized fashion. This is, however, consistent with their personalities, in that Ken would likely want to keep up with organized extracurricular hobbies, whereas Daisuke may enjoy soccer as a hobby, but not enough to continue committing to a high-level team. (Remember that Daisuke took a while to get a regular position even back in elementary school; as much as he liked the sport, he also wasn’t particularly outstanding at it, and especially not in comparison to Taichi, Sora, or Ken.)

Miyako leaving for Spain seems to have been a recent thing, since it has to actively be brought up in conversation as a reminder (and Daisuke seemed to initially have not taken into account that she wouldn’t be easily able to join the trip in that case, since the issue of the D-3 hadn’t come up yet). When she shows up later in person, everyone’s shocked, as if it’s unnerving for her to be back in Japan already.

Daisuke still seems to have a thing for Hikari, but note that this doesn’t really go beyond “wanting to hang out with Hikari a lot”. Also, he says this in plain view of Takeru without bringing him up at all, and Takeru himself has nothing to say about it (not even awkward laughter), meaning that he really has no object in this whatsoever.

It’s interesting to see that Armadimon, who used to have to ask about how human society works quite often in 02, is now well-versed enough in Japanese culture to be really passionate about it.

As usual, Iori does not mince words (when it's about Nagoya specialty food, at least).

Also as usual, Ken is surprisingly academic about his interests and a huge nerd.

Note Takeru's awkward "I don't really want to insult you, but also, that's weird" reaction to Ken’s speech about the hot springs -- very classic Takeru, not quite being honest for the sake of keeping the peace and awkwardly trying to be nice about it -- in contrast to Daisuke, who just honestly goes straight for the commentary. That said, regardless of how unusual of a hobby everyone around him clearly finds it, note how they all still decide to accommodate it anyway and support his interest in it.

Hypocritically, V-mon calls Daisuke out for being “embarrassing” regarding his fixation on Hikari, only to suddenly get caught off-guard by Tailmon shortly after...

Hikari's behavior has the most clear-cut contrast from herself in 02, consisting of her very assertively stating what she wants, for herself -- very important because her problems in 02 revolved around her compulsively being unable to voice her own thoughts if it meant putting a burden on others. Here, Hikari gets argumentative about what she, personally, wants to do. Given that she doesn’t quite act like this in front of her seniors in the course of the movie, and is depicted as being particularly in-sync with Miyako here -- and given how Miyako was instrumental in reaching out to her during the events of 02 -- it’s pretty easy to see how Hikari became able to assert herself like this.

Similarly, much like how Tailmon was portrayed as lightening up a bit between Adventure and 02 thanks to her new, happier life, here, she seems to be exactly on the same page as Hikari in terms of wanting to fight people for something materialistic.

Hawkmon says that it's "only natural" for them to show up whenever this group is getting together, and, indeed, Miyako was technically uninvited because everyone thought she was busy in Spain -- but was clearly in contact with them (or at least Hikari) to know that this meeting was happening. (There’s probably a group chat.)

This is implied to be the first time the 02 group has seriously considered using D-3 gate exploitation to visit each other and to travel. The group had already made use of this exploitation during 02 itself (to have Palmon delivered to New York back in 02 episode 38 and to meet up in the Digital World), but it is true that they hadn’t been necessarily using it even when it arguably would be more convenient than Tokyo transportation and Imperialdramon. So in other words, for the last eight years, through all the meetups they seem to have been having with each other (and remember, Ken lived in Tamachi, not Odaiba, at the time of 02, and there’s no guarantee that nobody in the Odaiba neighborhood didn’t move at some point), they were perfectly fine with using the inconvenience of Tokyo transportation to meet each other, or to meet up in the Digital World instead -- but then Miyako found herself in another country, and decided that she wasn't going to stand for being separated from the others for too long.

As usual, Hawkmon still has to be Miyako’s concerned minder when she’s on the verge of going out of control.

Miyako had already been implied to be in Barcelona thanks to the scenery outside her window and the movie end credits, but her speech about Spain drives it in even further with the Gaudí references.

Despite Spain being possibly the one of the worst possible options for what's later revealed to be Daisuke's motive for this trip (ramen research), it seems that Miyako baiting him with mention of the soccer league was enough to get him momentarily distracted (and also indicates that Daisuke still clearly has an active interest in soccer even if he may not be regularly playing anymore).

Speaking of which, it’s pretty obvious that Miyako knew exactly what to bait Daisuke with in order to do this.

Takeru, the group's resident moderator, is of course the one to step in and prevent Tailmon and Armadimon from wreaking too much havoc (Daisuke is mostly just slightly intimidated) -- but you might also notice that he's otherwise not saying anything about the group's chaotic antics, and in fact is guilty of enabling them even further...

Daisuke continues to have his penchant for pointing out the elephant in the room -- he's exactly right, how is Wormmon supposed to put on skis?

It is, of course, only natural that Miyako would be sensitive to knowing about currency exchange and the use of American dollars in the Digital World, given that she presumably hasn't forgotten the Digitamamon incident from 02 episode 14.

For the first time in 19 real-life years, we finally learn what Daisuke’s original motive for wanting to get into ramen making was: in true Daisuke fashion, he himself has no idea (but he just really likes ramen).

Daisuke "credits" his friends for giving him insightful advice and helpful resources in thinking about his career and future plans, but, as it turns out, everyone else wasn't thinking nearly as much of it -- either they hardly remember it, or it wasn't actually supposed to mean anything insightful. It's obviously not to say that they're not fully supportive of him (the events of this drama CD blatantly indicate otherwise), but rather that Daisuke attributes everything important and helpful in his life to his friends to ridiculous degrees, even when it's something completely ordinary like a train ticket that anyone should know about.

As always, Daisuke is very realistically aware of his own limitations, admitting freely that he was actually lacking in experience and insight to follow his dream (especially since he took the "advice" from his friends very, very seriously).

Note how quickly everyone changes their tune and immediately decides to unequivocally support Daisuke the moment they realize there's actually a very important reason to him that he wants to go on this trip.

Also note that when Hikari compliments Daisuke, Daisuke is completely at a loss -- yet again, Daisuke's been so busy rolling around for Hikari's approval that he hasn't accounted for what to do when he actually gets it.

Daisuke picking New York, of all locations, as his stop to research ramen certainly explains why Ken has to ask "why ramen?" during the movie itself -- as this drama CD indicates, and as per the events of 02 episode 50, he absolutely knows why Daisuke would want to get ramen, but ramen in New York, which isn't exactly the cultural center of ramen making, is a different story.

The fact that this was a planned multi-day trip also explains why the group changes clothes and is in New York for multiple days over the course of the movie (because they probably had a hotel, too). It also further contextualizes the likely reason Miyako felt like dealing with Menoa’s request was too much work -- she wanted to be on this trip instead -- and says a lot about how she’ll dump a request on her seniors when it’s too much hassle for her, but accept that same request back if it’s something she gets to do with her friends.

Takeru and Hikari are explicitly stated to be scheduled to join the trip on the second day, meaning that them operating separately from the quartet during the events of the movie was sheer scheduling circumstance -- and since we find out in the movie that Takeru was the one to inform Yamato about Daisuke's whereabouts, this CD here clarifies that Takeru has this knowledge because he himself was set to be on this trip (and would have been, if the events of the movie hadn't gotten in the way).

Probably the most interesting take-home from this narrative is how absurdly close the 02 group is portrayed as, and in very, very stark contrast to their seniors in the movie itself -- who are said to be drifting apart as they all find their individual paths. Here, the 02 group is the opposite; while they do seem to have their own goals (Hikari and Daisuke are outright identified as having some of the clearest ones), it’s obvious that those goals are secondary to being able to hang out with and support each other (in other words, they still have those goals, but they’re much lower priorities for them). This is consistent with how these dynamics were portrayed back in 02, since the Adventure group had been portrayed as being prone to drifting apart as early as Our War Game!, whereas the 02 group was built from the ground up as needing each other’s mutual support much more deeply -- it’s just that, now that they’re all much older, this distinction in group dynamic is much more prominent.

[thosch3i]

The finale of Ultimate Note airs 12/9 (tonight in China) for VIP. Thank you to this drama for bringing me my favorite Iron Triangle ❤ Longer discussion of why I love it so much, and why I strongly recommend it to book fans (especially those upset with certain previous adaptations) below the cut, apologies if it’s not fully coherent at times because I haven’t slept enough and also it’s almost 1am. But your TLDR is basically: characterization, plot, pacing, relationships are the best of any DMBJ drama. Iron Triangle especially.

First, the pacing of this show is excellent. Pretty much all cdramas I’ve seen or heard of have been inundated with filler, and the previous DMBJ dramas fall victim to this as well. Ultimate Note took 36 episodes to cover 4 book arcs, whereas previous adaptations have taken more episodes to cover far fewer. There’s really not any content you’d be wanting to skip, as almost all of it is plot-relevant or character-relevant.

Second, the plot is the most cohesive out of any DMBJ adaptation. Frankly, this isn’t saying too much, given the novel plot can also be confusing as all hell sometimes, but Ultimate Note goes above and beyond in pulling in information from later books and, if I heard correctly, common fan theories, doing their best to fill in the plot holes left by the author to create a more complete story.

Third, the female characters are actually done well. (As well as they can be, given the source material’s unfortunate habit of fridging its women.) For example, A-Ning’s decision to go the Tamutuo wasn’t because she was ~in love~ with some man. She is a determined individual who has made her choice about her path a long time ago, and she is willing to risk death to achieve her goals. Even her death was done about as well as it could have been--it wasn’t drawn out to the point of it being sickeningly cheesy, and Wu Xie tried his best to honor her goals and bring her to the Palace of the Queen Mother of the West (even emphasizing to Pangzi, “if you died, I would carry you too”). In addition, Chen Wenjin wasn’t stuck in some ridiculous love triangle. She loved Wu Sanxing, of course, but her loving a man isn’t made out to be her entire personality. Her goodbye to Xie Lianhuan is poignant but not mushy. She’s steady and sure in her goals, and she knows what she has to do in order to save herself. Yuncai’s character, as well, I think was handled about as well as it could’ve been given the source material. Her relationship with Pangzi wasn’t overexaggerated and nauseating, and I think their relationship was more tolerable in the drama than it was in the novel overall. (In addition, I prefer how they handled her death in the drama versus the novel--instead of just killing her offscreen, they give her a redemption, and show how she’d grown attached to her new friends, Pangzi especially, resulting in her hesitation to deal the final blow.)

Related to the above point: no added forced romances that destroyed the female characters’ personalities and reduced them to just love interests for men, thank god. Pangzi and Yuncai’s relationship was already there in the novel, but nothing about their relationship was distorted in the drama to the point of being annoying, and Yuncai is shown to have her own goals for cozying up to Pangzi (at first, at least). If you want to get technical about “added romances”, you could honestly argue that it’s Pingxie. (And Hei///hua, but I’ll be honest and say they’re not my cup of tea, so I won’t really be discussing them. However, I do think their characters, while also exaggerated for humor at points, were also done well, and their relationship--while AFAIK was not a really a thing in the books at all?--was written in a way that the development made sense, and their personalities compatible.)

But anyway, while Ultimate Note does make Pingxie seem closer to each other than they were in the novel, we do have to remember that the novel is from Wu Xie’s point of view, and he’s a little bit of a blockhead when it comes to noticing how much Xiaoge cares about him. (IIRC, he wonders if Xiaoge even considers him a friend in Zang Hai Hua...after Xiaoge’s literally called him his “only connection” to this world in book 8.) However, from an outsider POV, it’d be natural for us to see Xiaoge worrying more over Wu Xie. Because from Wu Xie’s perspective, what did he actually see? Xiaoge dropping in to save him a few times and often vanishing or turning away right after, leaving Wu Xie with mixed feelings and confusion about his value to Xiaoge. Xiaoge being aloof before they set off to Tamutuo, claiming that he is a person with no past and future, and that no one would remember him if he disappeared. (Xiaoge smiles before telling Wu Xie that he’s on Wu Xie’s side--that’s a smile that the viewers see, but that Wu Xie doesn’t.) Most of Xiaoge’s visible worry for Wu Xie in the desert was also when Wu Xie himself was not there to see it. During the scene where the fungus was growing in Wu Xie’s stomach, he was entirely out of it while Xiaoge visibly panicked about hurting him, and after the fungus was dealt with, Xiaoge only stood off to the side--only to smile faintly to himself, relieved, after Wu Xie wakes up. (Again a smile that the viewers see, but that Wu Xie doesn’t.) But because from an outsider POV we can see all this, while Wu Xie remains partly ignorant, lines like “thankfully, I didn’t bring death upon you” and Xiaoge calling Wu Xie is only connection to the world seem that much more logical, now that we can see some of the depth and development of how much Xiaoge does care about Wu Xie.

That brings me to the primary reason why I love Ultimate Note, because the main selling point for me on any franchise is not actually world-building or plot, but rather the characters and the relationships between those characters. And for DMBJ, the relationship I’m always looking for--and the relationship that the entire franchise ultimately centers around--is the Iron Triangle. And the mutual trust and the strength of the bond between this Iron Triangle is unmistakable; no one is treated as expendable.

As much as we have joked about Xiaoge's double standards with Wu Xie versus Pangzi, the end of the Banai arc especially and the last five episodes have cemented the importance of Xiaoge and Pangzi's friendship. Their relationship is often the weakest leg of the Iron Triangle in DMBJ adaptations, but Ultimate Note has nailed it. Pangzi helps carry Xiaoge out of Tamutuo, and Pangzi's the one who primarily takes care of Xiaoge after he loses his memories. There's also Xiaoge's clear worry over Pangzi after Yuncai's death, and his assurance that Pangzi won't die as long as he is here in the later episodes when the two of them are separated from Wu Xie--showing that the Iron Triangle is a triangle; Wu Xie isn't the single connection that Xiaoge and Pangzi's relationship hinges upon.

Pangzi and Wu Xie's friendship doesn't need much explaining: the two of them bicker like they're brothers, and they could probably star in their own buddy-cop comedy together. Both Pangzi and Xiaoge are shown to be clearly worried for Wu Xie after the Xie Lianhuan reveal, and even though neither of them quite know how to handle it, they are there for Wu Xie. And of course, there's the scene where Pangzi pours out the water while they're waiting for Xiaoge to leave the meteorite. Wu Xie cries for Pangzi when they're in the Miluotuo cave and he chooses to carry out Xiaoge first, and once again, his worry for Pangzi after Yuncai's death is palpable. Even when Wu Xie has to leave Pangzi in Banai, he instructs Xiaoge to look after him (not that Xiaoge really needed the instruction, anyway--that’s his best friend, too).

Wu Xie and Xiaoge's relationship needs even less explaining: anyone who's watched the show can attest to how much they care about each other. From Wu Xie's frantic scrambling to grab the tapes upon hearing they were from "Zhang Qiling" and Xiaoge's introduction in the show being him stopping outside Wushanju to stare up (longingly?) at the sign, we see their relationship unfold in all of its quiet pining and lingering looks. When Xiaoge claims no one would know if he disappeared from this world, Wu Xie doesn't hesitate in promising that he, at least, will. Xiaoge smiles before telling Wu Xie that he's on his side, and Wu Xie vows to walk with Xiaoge until the very end. During the entire Tamutuo trip, Xiaoge is visibly worried for Wu Xie--when the parasitic fungus grew in his stomach, that worry was the most clear. But Wu Xie worries for Xiaoge too: insisting on going to save Xiaoge from the snakes that night when they all went blind; swearing that even if he faces death, he would wait for Xiaoge to leave the meteorite; telling Xiaoge that he will take him home. (Related: the soft, almost vulnerable way Xiaoge tells Wu Xie “take me home” in episode 31.) Not to mention--even when Xiaoge loses his memories, he still remembers Wu Xie. (And Pangzi smiles knowingly right after that scene.)

There are too many character/relationship moments I could write about, but one that stuck out in particular was when they were facing the spiders, and Wu Xie stopped Xiaoge from cutting his hand and using his blood to make the spiders retreat. At this point, Wu Xie and Pangzi don't know the extent of how Xiaoge was (mis)treated as a child (and used as a blood bag, apparently), but they know about how "A-Kun" was captured used as bait. Wu Xie and Pangzi would never ask Xiaoge to bleed for them, no matter what. Not now, let alone 10+ years later. (I won't name names, but if you know what I'm talking about, then you know.)

Which brings me to my main point: the characters in Ultimate Note are the closest to their novel selves I have ever seen in a DMBJ adaptation, and this is objectively the best adaptation of the DMBJ novel. (Whether you prefer another adaption or not is your opinion--I absolutely love the Time Raiders movie, even though that plot is literally all over the place, and Xiaoge is decently OOC--but Ultimate Note is the best adaptation of the novel, and the characters are the most true to what they actually should be.)

You can see the innocent and naïve Wu Xie, but you can also see the developing confusion, frustration, and anger he feels because he's been lead around by his nose his entire life. And he is angry in the novel; he is a bit of a hot-headed bastard; he's not just a naïve child. I remember seeing some complaints that Wu Xie felt "OOC" in the first episode for being so furious with his San-shu, but I think his reactions were spot-on with how he felt, and how he wanted to react. A similar point is the scene where Wu Xie slammed Xiaoge against the car--aside from just being some fun fanservice, in the novel Wu Xie really was furious at Xiaoge for vanishing on him and never contacting him after leaving the Heavenly Palace in the Clouds. A lot of the novel is Wu Xie's inner thoughts, which are difficult to portray in a live action adaptation, but he really did pretty much want to pick a fight with Xiaoge about disappearing, and  Ultimate Note decided on how to express this frustration in a way that suits a drama adaptation. In addition, you can see how Wu Xie’s past experiences like the trip to Tamutuo has changed him in how he manipulates Panma into bringing him to the lake; and you can see how almost losing Xiaoge and Pangzi to the Miluotuo changed him as well, when he thinks he’s lost them for real in episode 36 (leading up to his decision to put on his San-shu’s mask by the end, despite the fact that “some masks, when worn too long, can no longer be taken off”).

As for Pangzi: even though he has scenes that were clearly exaggerated for comic relief, he has plenty of moments that build his character and the Iron Triangle’s bond. These include him pouring out the water while he and Wu Xie are waiting for Xiaoge, his grief over Yuncai’s death, his standing by Wu Xie during the hotel auction scene, and his almost mother-hen-like worry about Xiaoge while they’re entering the Zhang Family Mansion in the last five episodes. Not to mention, he’s really quite a smart and perceptive character, despite his goofiness: he sees through Xiaoge’s worry about Wu Xie, and he knows when to step in and liven the atmosphere (see: Wu Xie being all awkward about his gift to Xiaoge in episode 31, and Pangzi being there practically just for emotional support). Also in episode 31: Pangzi telling Xiaoge that he’s getting more and more humane (the implications about Wu Xie here are pretty obvious). All in all, Pangzi is a funny person; he is often comic relief, but he’s also a steadfastly loyal friend and someone who loves deeply and without regret. Initially we saw more of his humor, but we definitely got the depths to his character by the end of Ultimate Note.

Finally Xiaoge, who I’m discussing last because he’s my favorite character: for once, I can see the humanity behind the title “Zhang Qiling”, and in a way that isn’t OOC. Xiaoge isn’t treated as a free source of bug-repelling blood; he isn’t treated as some overpowered, untouchable idol; he isn’t treated as a rescue machine for whenever another character needs it. He is a human, not a god. For the rest, I think his actor’s words speak for themselves. (And now I really don’t trust anyone else except him with Xiaoge's character.)

Ultimate Note succeeded in capturing the nuances of its main characters: Wu Xie’s loss of his “tianzhen” and slow maturation to the man he will eventually become by Sha Hai; Pangzi’s outwardly humorous pseudo-caricature but inwardly deeply loyal and loving spirit; Xiaoge’s vulnerabilities, painful humanity, and the “heart” given to him by his mother, hidden beneath a seemingly impenetrable armor. This is an Iron Triangle that feels like the Iron Triangle, without needing say so much in words. This is an Iron Triangle with mutual respect and a friendship I can see and believe in.

In conclusion: Ultimate Note does the story justice; it does the characters justice; it does the relationships justice; and it did all this with a low budget and almost no promotion. You can tell the crew definitely cares about the source material.

My only complaint is that they couldn’t film the finale.

Rambling over! All my love to the Ultimate Note cast and crew <3

[jadelotusflower]

July 2021 Roundup

Discussed this month: The Once and Future King, The Good People, The Secret of Kells/Wolfwalkers/Song of the Sea (aka "Irish Folklore" Trilogy), The Matrix Trilogy, the John Wick Trilogy, Space Jam: A New Legacy

Reading

The Once and Future King (T.H. White) - I've actually read this before, but it was a long time ago and I remembered very little of it so it seemed time for a revisit. Written between 1936 and 1942, this is a surprisingly meta retelling of Arthur and Camelot, very obviously and heavily influenced by WWII, with much academic pondering on the concept of humanity and war and ongoing conflict against Might=Right - looking to the past to try and understand the present. Some familiarity with the legends is assumed, White occasionally making reference to Malory, and there is a strange anachronistic feel - Merlin lives time backwards and talks of Hitler and other 20th Century references, White frequently refers to Old England and the way things were "back then", but also calls Arthur's country Gramarye, the narrative taking place an a kind of alternate history/mythology where Uther was the Norman conqueror of 1066, and yet reference is also made to the Plantagenet kings.

Comprising five volumes (the first four published separately at the time, and the final posthumously), it struck me on this read how each of the first four are structured around the childhood of a major player -Arthur (The Sword in the Stone), Gawain and his brothers (The Witch in the Wood), Lancelot (The Ill-Made Knight), and Mordred (The Candle in the Wind), and how their upbringing played a part in the inevitable tragedy of Camelot. In the final volume, The Book of Merlyn, it comes full circle as Arthur on the eve of his death is taken to revisit the animals of his childhood for much philosophising (at one point Merlyn argues at length with a badger about Karl Marx and communism.)

The Sword in the Stone is the most engaging, with young Arthur (known as "the Wart") and his tutelage under Merlin, being turned into various animals like an ant, a goose, and a hawk to learn about each of their societies (political allegories), and meeting with Robin Wood (Hood) and Maid Marian to battle Morgan le Fay, and the climactic pulling of the sword from the stone. This was of course the source material for the Disney film, although missing the wizards duel with Madam Mim (appearing in the original publication, but removed for the revised version).

The Ill-Made Knight is the longest volume and was honestly a slog to get through, because honestly Lancelot is pretty dull/terrible, and the Lancelot/Guenever love affair less than compelling. Ultimately it's Lancelot's hubris that dooms them - he is warned that Mordred intends to catch him out in Guenever's room, but he goes anyway, and doesn't leave when he tells her to, because he is stupid.

It’s no surprise that the female characters are given the short shrift, but there’s an uncomfortable vein of misogyny running through the book. To wit:

Elaine had done the ungraceful thing as usual. Guenever, in similar circumstances, would have been sure to grow pale and interesting - but Elaine had only grown plump.

And then later:

Guenever had overdressed for the occasion. She had put on makeup which she did not need, and put it on badly. She was forty-two.

Morgause (the eponymous witch in the wood/queen of air and darkness) is a negligent mother whose sole motivation is revenge, Elaine rapes Lancelot by deception, Guenever is hypocritical and shrill (but achieves a sliver of nuance in Candle), Nimueh is a nonentity, and Morgan le Fey is a monstrous fairy. If only White had turned his academic pondering inward and in order to examine the role of women in his worldview other than as damsels or instigators.

But Arthur also gets the short shrift - after all the focus in his childhood, he becomes almost a peripheral figure in the rest of the story until the very end, and we're not actually given much to show why he is the once and future king, other than that he tries to institute a slightly less brutal system.

Ultimately, White is more interested in philosophy than character, and so Camelot's inevitable tragedy feels more clinical than visceral.

The Good People (Hannah Kent) - If the Irish Folklore Trilogy (discussed below) is the beauty and wonder of Irish myths and legends interacting with the human world, this book is the cold danger of superstition and the devastating affect of folklore used as an explanation for life's ills. Set in 1820's rural Ireland, Nora is widowed and left with the care of her young disabled grandson Michael, believed to be a changeling. The local wise woman Nance, who feels the touch of "the good people" sets about to drive out the fairy from the child, believing that the "real" Michael will return, much to the growing dread of Mary, the teenage girl Nora has hired to care for him.

Here fairies are seen as a malevolent force, "sweeping" away women and children, causing bad harvests, and bringing death to the village - to be respected and feared. And then there's Nance, bartering traditional cures for ailments and troubles - some work, some do not, and some pose great danger. On the other hand, this is a remote village where a doctor must be fetched from Killarney, and only one priest who is less than charitable. Neither provide any help or support to Nora.

SPOILERS It's an upsetting read dealing with dark subject matter - grief trauma, child abuse and accidental infanticide, a kind of slow burn horror. If it takes a village to to raise a child, it also takes one to kill a child, as mounting fear and superstition moves through the population like a contagion, heightening Nora's desperation for the "return" of her grandson, and Nance's to prove her knowledge. It's an impeccably researched novel (based in part on a true event) but very unsettling - poor Michael is never really given humanity, and I feel this book would be hugely triggering in its depiction of disability and neurodivergence.

Watching

The Secret of Kells/Song of the Sea/Wolfwalkers (dir. Tom Moore) - I've been meaning to watch these films for absolutely ages, and I finally got to them this month. I’m pleased to say that the many people who recommended them to me were absolutely correct, because they appear to have been made to specifically cater to my interests. Some mild spoilers ahead.

I watched these in internal chronological order as suggested by @ravenya003, starting with The Secret of Kells, set in 9th Century Ireland where the young monk Brendan helps illuminate the to-be famous manuscript and befriends a forest sprite Aisling, under the threat of a Viking raid. Next was Wolfwalkers, jumping forward to 1650 Kilkenny where the English girl Robyn, daughter of a hunter, is drawn into the world of the forest and Mebh, who turns into a wolf when she sleeps. And finally we go all the way to 1980's in Song of the Sea for the story of Ben, who must help his younger sister Saoirse (a selkie) find her voice and bring back the faeries who have been turned to stone by the owl witch Macha.

Although the stories are completely separate, they've been described as Moore's "Irish Folklore" trilogy, and it’s easy to read a through line from Kells to Wolfwalkers in particular - both deal with fae of the forest, and Aisling appears as a white wolf at the end of the film (having lost her ability to appear in human form). I like to think that Aisling is in some way the progenitor of the wolfwalkers - after all, Kells and Kilkenny are less than 200 kms apart.

Song of the Sea is distant from the other two in both time and subject matter, dealing with selkies, creatures of the water. In many ways, Kells and Wolfwalkers feels like a duology, with Song more its own thing. On the other hand, an argument could be made for common fae spirit/s in different forms across all three films - Aisling is a white sprite, Robyn takes the form of a white/grey wolf, and Saoirse a white seal.

The strength of these films other than the folklore is the visual style - I really love 2D animation, and while I appreciate the beauty of cg animation, I often find in the latter’s focus on hyper-realism the artistry can be left by the wayside. These films not just aesthetically beautiful, but the art is used to tell the story - from the sharp angles that represent the darker or harmful elements (Crom, Vikings, the Town), to the circles and rings that represent safety and harmony (the Abbey, the forest, Mebh and her mother/the wolves healing circle, the holy well). The exception is probably the home of Macha, the owl witch, where circles are also prominent and represent magic, and this is often the case in folklore (fairy rings, fairy forts, etc).

Kells is the most stylised, resembling tapestries or pages and triptychs from medieval manuscripts, playing with perspective. I actually saw pages from the real Book of Kells years ago in Dublin, and remember them being very beautiful. We only get glimpses of the Book and the stunning Chi Rho page at the very end of the film, but the style of art is present throughout the film and particularly in the forest where Brendan finds inspiration for his illumination, and on the flipside his encounter in the dark with Crom Cruach, represented as a chalk-drawn primordial serpent.

This style is also present in Wolfwalkers, particularly stark in the way the birds-eye grid of the town often looms over Robyn in the background and in her work at the castle. The depiction of the forest has more of a storybook quality however, as does Song, where almost every frame resembles a painting, particularly the sequences of Saoirse's selkie trip through the sea and Ben's fall through the holy well.

Rav points out in her review that there is the ebbing away of myth and magic in each successive film, contrasted with the rise of Christianity/modernity. But there's circles and rings again, because while the ultimate power of the faerie world is fading away, the interaction between our human protagonists and faerie actually increases with each film. In Kells, we have only Aisling and Crom, in Wolkwalkers, we have Mebh and her mother whose ranks grow to include Robyn and her father, and finally in Song we have Saoirse, Bronagh, Macha, the Na Daoine Sídhe, and the Great Seanachaí.

Watching in the order I did, it does give the impression of the mythological world opening up to the viewer, gaining a deeper understanding and exposure as time progressed. On the other hand, that is also because the human world is gradually encroaching on the world of Faerie, from isolated settlements like the Abbey of Kells, to growing town of Kilkenny and the logging of the surrounding forest, to a modern Ireland of motorways and power lines, and industrialised Dublin where the remaining fairies have moved underground. It makes the climax of Song, with the fairies restored but returning to the land of Tír na nÓg, rather bittersweet.

I also credit the strength of the voice acting - the adult roles are minor but with greats including the dulcet tones of Brendan Gleeson and Sean Bean, and the ethereal Maria Doyle Kennedy (who I wish had gotten to do more). But the child roles are all performed so well, particularly Honor Kneafsey as Robyn, whose growing desperation and distress is just heartbreakingly palpable.

The Matrix Trilogy (dir. The Wachowskis) - I usually don't post rewatches in the Roundup, but I really, really love these movies. I will never forget seeing The Matrix at the cinema as a young teen, knowing nothing other than the tease of the enigmatic trailers, and just being completely blown away by it, and then becoming completely obsessed a few years later in the leadup to Reloaded.

It wasn’t my first fandom, but it was probably the first time I took fandom seriously. I was very invested in Neo/Trinity in particular as well as all the mythological/literary references that fed directly into my interests. I haven’t however gone back and read the fic I wrote, for fear that it is very, very cringe. I know where is is though, so maybe one day before the ff.net is purged.

This is Keanu Reeves at his most handsome, and while he doesn't have the greatest range (as many actors don't, although they don't get as much grief for it), when he's in the zone there's no one else who could do it better. He just has a Presence, you know? A vibe, and it compels me.

This is particularly present in Neo, a character whose conflict is almost entirely internal, burdened by the weight of his responsibility and destiny, both before and after he learns it is a false prophesy. He’s not your typical quippy macho action hero, but much like my other fave Luke Skywalker, is a character who is ultimately driven by love and self-sacrifice. I definitely have a Type of male hero I adore, and Neo fits right in there.

I also really love the sequels, flaws and all, because you know what, the Wachowskis had Ideas and they weren't going to deliver Matrix 2: Electric Boogaloo. Each film goes in an unexpected direction, and not in a subverted expectations ha ha silly rabbits way, but one that does have an internal logic and pulls together a cohesive trilogy as a whole, and how often does that happen these days?

The sequels are so…earnest, with none of the cynical cool detachment perhaps some would have preferred - at its core a trilogy exploring philosophy and the nature of prophesy vs choice, determinism vs free will, and the power of love. Maybe it can be hokey, and some of the dialogue a bit overwritten, but I don't care, there's so much I still enjoy even having seen the trilogy many times over the years.

Not to mention the great female characters - while I'm not sure any of the three strictly passes the Bechdel Test, we have Trinity and Niobe in particular who I love with all my heart. It does kind of annoy me that the Trinity Syndrome is so named, because it only applies in the most reductive reading possible, and Trinity expresses agency (and badassery) every step of the way, saving Neo just as much as he saves her. I mean..."dodge this"/"in five minutes I'll tear that whole goddamn building down"/"believe it"? Niobe piloting the Hammer through the mechanical line in Revolutions? Iconic. There are criticisms that can be made, sure, but the trilogy ultimately loves, respects, and appreciates its female characters (and important to note that the avatars of The System, the Architect and the Agents, are all white men).

Then we have the Oracle, who ultimately holds the most power and is the victor of the human/machine war. There's so much going on with the Oracle I could talk about it all day. It's that fate vs free will question again (“if you already know, how can I make a choice?”), but with the wrinkle of manipulation (“would you still have broken it if I hadn’t said anything?”). Choice is the foundation the Matrix is built on, the unconscious choice for humans to accept the system or reject it - the Architect can't control that, he can only manage it, and the Oracle can't force Neo onto the path she has set out for him, only predict the choices he will make based on her study of the human psyche ("did you always know?"/"No...but I believed"). But she plays with the concept of fate in a complicated web of prophesies for outcome she wants and trusting the nature of Morpheus, Trinity, and Neo to bring it about.

And then there's the visual storytelling - there is so much meaning in almost every frame and line of dialogue. The mirroring and ring cycles not only in the constant presence of reflective surfaces and central metaphor of the Matrix as a simulacrum, but the androgyny of Neo and Trinity, bringing each other back from the dead in successive films (and ultimately both ultimately dying in the third), Neo and Morpheus’ first and last meetings, Smith who is ultimately Neo’s dark mirror, the Oracle/the Architect, just to name a few. I just…really really love these movies? Maybe I’ll do a full post rewatch sometime.

I am however reserving judgement on the Matrix 4 - already there are a few things making me uneasy. Lana is the sole director for this one (Lilly is not involved), and Laurence Fishburne apparently wasn't even asked back, even though Morpheus actually survives the trilogy (as opposed to Neo and Trinity). But I’m interested, and don’t want to go in with any expectations, but rather ready to be surprised again like I was when I watched the first film (and hope I can stay away from spoilers).

John Wick Trilogy (dir. Chad Stahelski) - It was a trilogy kind of month! This genre is generally not my thing, as I don’t have a high tolerance for graphic violence and pure action bores me after a while, but I was in a Keanu kind of mood and I'm always hearing people go on about John Wick so I wanted to know what (if anything) I was missing. While still a bit too violent for my tastes, if nothing else I could appreciate the dance-like fight choreography, even if the worldbuulding is absolutely ridiculous - I mean, literally thousands of assassins across the world chilling in sanctuary hotels, supported by a vast network of weapon suppliers, tailors, surgeons, spy networks, etc? It’s silly, but hey, I was happy to go along with it.

What I do appreciate about Keanu Reeves, and this seems to be a common thread, is that even when in action hero mode (Matrix, Point Break, John Wick, and to a lesser extent Speed), he consistently plays a man who is completely in love with his partner/wife - like, completely, unapologetically devoted to them, and I think that is a big part of the appeal - it's that Keanu energy that is often the antithesis of toxic masculinity, even when in roles that would ordinarily rely on those tropes.

Wick is in many ways the spiritual successor to Neo - insular, taciturn, and even as he's dispatching death with clinical precision. Much like Neo, Wick is a character who is somehow Soft (tm) despite all the violence. I once listened to a podcast where they amusingly discussed the Reeves oeuvre as simulations of Neo still trapped in the Matrix, and it’s very easy to make the case here and imagine John Wick as Neo plugged back in after Revolutions, mourning Trinity and set on mission after mission to keep his mind active (and it would certainly explain why the guy hasn’t dropped dead after being stabbed, beaten up, strangled, hit by a car, shot, and falling off a building). It’s a fun little theory.

Stahelski was Reeves' stunt double and a stunt coordinator on The Matrix and there's plenty of homages in the visual style and reuniting Reeves with costars Laurence Fishburne and Randall Duk Kim (who played the Keymaker).

I did also find it amusing that Wick is also often referred to as babayaga (equated in the film to the bogeyman). Well, Wick is in many ways a witch who lives in the woods, just wanting to be left alone with his dog, and there is a supernatural energy to the character, so...I guess?

Space Jam: A New Legacy (dir. Malcolm D Lee) - I took my niece to see this at the cinema and it was…pretty much what you would expect. I thought it was fine for what it was, even if a bit slow in parts (it takes a looong time for the looneys to show up) and I wonder if they have the same cultural pull they had in the nineties (the age of Tweety Bird supremacy). But the kids seemed into it (my niece liked porky pig) and that's what counts I guess.

This time, the toon battle royale takes place on the WB servers, where evil A.I. Don Cheadle (having the time of his life chewing the cg scenery) wants to capture Lebron James for...reasons, idk. James and Bugs have to find the rest of the looneys scattered across the server-verse, a chance for WB to desperately remind people that they too, have media properties and a multiverse including DC comics world, Harry Potter world, Matrix world, Mad Max world, Casablanca world etc. Some of it feels very dated - there is I kid you not an Austin Powers reference, although it did make me smile that Trinity was on James’ list of most wanted players (skill: agility).

Unfortunately, nothing it really done with this multiverse concept except “hey, remember this movie? Now with looneys” six times, and the crowd for the game populated by WB denizens including the Iron Giant, Pennywise, the monkeys from the Wizard of Oz, Scooby Doo and the gang, etc. But still, it's fun, and hardly the tarnishing of a legacy or whatever nonsense is driving youtube clicks these days.

Writing

The Lady of the Lake - 2335 words.

Against the Dying of the Light - 2927 words, Chapter 13 posted.

Total: 5272 this month, 38,488 this year.

[more-pokeimagines]

Stone Cold Body [08] - Chapter 7

A/N: Once again, I'm so sorry that it took me forever to finish this chapter. I hope you are still interested in the series, and I promise that the next updates won't take as long.

Warnings: none

Taglist: @piershoesz @alovestruck-fool @shaak-ti-s @spair-m [If you want to be added to/removed from the taglist let me know.]

Present

A few days had passed since your latest argument with the prince and you still had no idea why he had reacted so hostile when you had asked him about your dream and the things you had seen. You had tried to talk to him a few more times, mostly because you wanted to apologize for snapping at him but since that morning, Bede avoided you like the plague and purposely looked away whenever you tried to make eye contact with him. And although he acted like nothing had happened when Gloria and Hop were around, you had noticed the sadness in his eyes that he didn’t bother to hide when he thought that nobody was paying attention to him.

You were pretty sure that it had nothing to do with the things you had said to him but still, you could feel your guilty conscience gnawing at you every time you thought about it. Given the fact that you couldn’t stand him, you really hadn’t expected to feel bad about your argument with the prince, at least not for such a long time. Maybe it was because you couldn’t stand conflicts in general, or maybe you were slowly starting to have a thing for him. At least, that surely would’ve been Gloria’s guess if you had bothered to tell her about your twisted feelings since she still firmly believed that you and Bede had to be soulmates, according to the legend that had surrounded the statue. Only a few days ago, she had suggested that you should spend more time with him and try to get to know him better. “After all, you could be meant for each other,” she had said, earning an annoyed glance from you. “You know exactly that’s not true. It’s just a stupid fairytale, nothing more.”

With a quiet sigh, you shook your head, casting aside the memories and trying to focus on the book in front of you. You were currently sitting in Wyndon’s library, an old and dignified building that was equipped with countless books, journals and even actual historical documents from various eras, such as diaries, letters and manifestos. In the beginning, you had been confident that it wouldn’t take too long to find something regarding the prince and his obscure fate but it had only taken about an hour until you started to feel overwhelmed by the amount of information the library offered.

On your desk, there was a pile of books about the history of Galar and a collection of articles about the prohibition of magic and the consequential witch-hunt, referred to as the Great Hunt, which hadn’t been very useful since they never mentioned the crown prince at all and mostly focused on King Lewin’s orders and the methods the Royal Court of Inquisition had used to track down the sorcerers and their families. Nobody had included Bede and his sister into their research, probably because they hadn’t been involved in any of this and while you hadn’t expected to find something about the curse in these essays, you couldn’t help but feel a bit discouraged.

Everything would be a whole lot easier if Bede didn’t refuse to talk to you. He obviously knew very well who the woman you had seen in your dream was but for some reason, he tried hard to keep everything about his past a secret.

Absent-mindedly chewing on the top of your pencil, you stared out of the window as you tried to gather every bit of information you currently had about the prince. The result was quite disillusioning – you knew almost nothing about him, his name, status and family relationships aside. In the exhibition, you had learned that he had been close to his sister and that his parents, particularly his father, had put enormous pressure on him but other than that, you were clueless when it came to him. You had no idea who he truly was, what he thought about the king’s hatred towards the sorcerers or why someone had hated him so much that they ended up cursing him.

Well. If he had always been this arrogant and presumptuous young man he was now, you really couldn’t hold the malediction against the unknown person who had cast it all these years ago… although a part of you had to admit that it seemed a bit harsh to trap someone in stone for so long, just for being an arrogant idiot.

No, you were absolutely sure that there had to be more to it. You just needed more information to figure out what it was.

You grabbed another history book, quickly scanning the table of contents before putting it aside because it covered the aftermath of the Great Hunt and therefore the wrong era. Same with the next two books, although the latter at least recommended some other works about the Great Hunt and the royal family’s involvement. After writing down the title, you turned your attention back to the pile of books in front of you. Surely it would be more effective to work through them first before looking for new stuff to read.

Over the next hour, you found an essay about the upbringing of Bede and Carlina which only contained information you had already gotten from the exhibition, a copy of the royal family’s genealogy that only traced back as far as Bede’s paternal grandparents and another essay that described the events of the Great Hunt without going into detail about the origin of the King’s hatred towards sorcerers and their magic. The author actually had pointed out that it was almost impossible to find reliable sources regarding King Lewin’s personal motives and therefore historians could only speculate about it, but most people assumed that he probably experienced something terrible that led to his disdain, especially since the previous king, Lewin’s father, never had an issue with the use of magic.

You had started chewing on your lower lip, like you often did when you were musing about something, while you stared at the essay and the notes you had taken. Something about the whole issue felt off, although you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. It was strange that no one knew exactly why the king had started to persecute the sorcerers since there was a lot of source material for considerably less important stuff, for example the average earnings of Carlina’s chambermaid or how often Queen Alviva would see the court physician because she allegedly suffered from migraines.

If you didn’t know better, you would have assumed that someone, most likely the king himself, had made sure that every bit of information which could paint him and his actions in a bad light was kept under lock and key, even after his death.

You grimaced at the book in front of you. After everything you had learned about him and the way he treated others, it wouldn’t even surprise you if this was actually true. And it probably was true, given the fact that there was not one essay that told the story from the sorcerers’ side.

It hadn’t even occurred to you that the few articles you had found about the Great Hunt had purely focused on King Lewin and the orders and actions he had taken to hunt down the sorcerers. But now it was clear as daylight that there was next to no information about his enemies and how they had reacted to the threat.

To say that it made everything even more suspicious, would be an understatement. Clearly, the king had tried to hide something but you had no idea what. And in the end, it probably didn’t even matter because it wasn’t linked to Bede and the curse, so it wouldn’t get you anywhere if you –

You started up from your musing before you could finish the thought. Your gaze flickered from your notes to the book, then back to the big question mark you had drawn behind Bede’s name, and you could feel a sudden agitation buzzing through your body.

Maybe it was indeed linked to Bede and everything he had experienced. It seemed quite a stretch and you doubted that his son’s fate was the only reason for the king to cover up the sorcerers’ actions but perhaps they had been the ones who cursed him. It made sense, also in the context of your dream, assuming that the unknown woman had been a sorceress. She had undoubtedly threatened Bede, and –

You abruptly reached for your pencil and began to scribble your thoughts down. Most of your notes probably weren’t going to make sense in the future but you needed to write your thought process down to make sure that you weren’t forgetting any details which could be important later on.

Okay, so, assuming that the woman in your dream had been the one who cursed Bede, it was likely that she had done so to take revenge on his family, or better, his father, the king. Maybe she had lost someone dear during the Great Hunt and wanted to teach Lewin a lesson about the grief she felt. Or perhaps, she simply had tried to put an end to the violence against her people and had used Bede as some kind of leverage to get her will.

You paused to think for a moment. Weren’t you reading too much into a simple dream? There was no evidence that the things you had seen were actually real; you didn’t know if you really had caught a glimpse of the past or if your mind was just trying to play tricks on you after reading a few things about Bede and his family at the exhibition. It was possible that you were well on the way to obsess about the whole situation.

No. Deep down, you knew that everything you had seen in your dream was real, although you couldn’t really say why. You simply knew it.

Or maybe you were slowly starting to go crazy.

*

He wasn’t sure why he had decided to go back to the park where it all had started. It was strange to see the place where he had been trapped in stone for nearly three centuries; the place where hundreds of people had tried to lift the spell from him, according to Gloria who had told him a few stories surrounding the statue. Surrounding him.

It wasn’t just strange. It felt preposterous to know that he had been right here for all this time while his family continued to live their lives, while the world around him changed over and over again while he remained frozen in time. Maybe it was so hard to understand because he simply couldn’t remember anything after Brigid had cursed him. Contrary to popular beliefs, Bede hadn’t been conscious; he hadn’t noticed anything that was going on around him. After Brigid had cast the spell, a dark, deep silence had embraced him – and then, there had been nothing.

Until he had stumbled right into your arms that day.

Bede was convinced that Brigid never intended her curse to have a loophole; she was way too determined to wreak revenge on his family to make a mistake like that, and yet, here he was, as fresh as a daisy and completely unharmed. Not that he was mad about it, no, he was grateful to be alive and everything but… there was something about this whole story that didn’t quite match up. And he would be lying if he said that it didn’t worry him.

With a quiet sigh, he rested his elbows on his knees, propping up his head on his hands as he continued to watch the few tourists that were wandering around the park. Nobody took notice of him but that was completely alright with him. Back in the day, he had never been able to roam freely outside the walls of the palace. He had always been accompanied by his personal guards which made it easy for everyone to recognize who he was, and while he understood that it was necessary to bring the guards, he had sometimes wished to have more freedom. Being raised as the crown prince of Galar had always been a heavy burden, especially since he could never satisfy his father’s expectations, no matter how hard he tried.

From this point of view, his life was better now. He was free to make his own decisions, he didn’t have to justify himself to his father anymore and could go wherever he wanted to go. He was no longer a prince; he was just a normal young man. He was just Bede.

On the other hand, just the mere thought seemed frightening. For all of his life, Bede had always known what others expected of him and where his place was. Making decisions had never been an option before. Heck, back then, he hadn’t even been allowed to choose the color of the fabrics the tailors used for his clothes, and now he had to decide what he wanted to do with the rest of his life? Impossible.

And, all advantages of a fresh start aside, none of this changed the fact that he was alone. There was no one in this world who cared about him, and most people didn’t even know who he truly was, although they had been so obsessed with the statue over the years. And everyone he had known before was dead.

Bede hadn’t expected the thought would still hurt so much. It wasn’t the first time that it occurred to him that his parents and his beloved sister had died long ago but until now, he had never allowed himself to give in to the sadness that threatened to overwhelm him every time. But now he didn’t bother to fight back the tears that were welling up in his eyes. Given the fact that you and the others weren’t here to judge him, there really was no need to hide his emotions, and before he even realized that he was crying, the tears were already streaming down his cheeks.

He turned away from the spot the statue had stood, pressing his lips together to stifle the sobs that wanted to escape his throat and clenched his fists while he tried to regain his composure. But the tears kept on flowing.

Everyone that had ever meant someone to him was dead. Carlina was dead. He would never see her again, hear her voice or laugh about the stupid jokes she had always made to cheer him up on a bad day. He couldn’t even remember the last thing he had said to her or the last time he had told her how much he loved her. Shouldn’t he be able to remember these things?

Why couldn’t he remember?

The answer was simple. Bede hadn’t known that it would be the last time and therefore, he hadn’t cherished his final moments with his sister enough. And now, all that remained was an excruciating grief that made him feel like he couldn’t breathe.

How was he supposed to live without his sister? After all, she had always been the person he had trusted the most, the one he could rely on without a doubt, and knowing that she wasn’t here with him – that she would never be here with him – hurt like nothing else. No one would ever be able to replace her, not even – particularly not – you; the one who allegedly was his soulmate if he would be willing to believe in the tales Gloria had told him. It would be a mockery if it was actually true (not that he thought that it was), given the fact that he could barely look at you without thinking back to the worst moments of his life… the moments that had changed his whole world forever.

In some way, it almost seemed to be an irony of fate that you of all people had lifted the spell from him. You who looked so much like the woman who had cursed him in the first place.

He had noticed the resemblance right away. Of course, you didn’t look exactly like Brigid but there was something about your features and the color of your eyes that reminded him of her. Even the way you looked at him resembled her, your eyes always filled with so much disdain and anger, just like hers.

At first, Bede had thought that he was imagining things, that his subconsciousness tried to come to terms with the things that had happened by projecting it into this new reality but now, he wasn’t so sure anymore. There had to be a reason behind it. After all, you had managed to break a curse that never should have been broken in the first place, incredible as it was.

He wiped the tears from his face and took a deep breath, carefully locking up his emotions again.

Maybe it was time to stop running away from his past. If he wanted to figure out what was going on, if he really wanted to understand why the spell had been lifted, there was only one person who could help him, as much as he hated to admit it. And that person was you.

Masterlist / Next part

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales: Woo-oo! Review! or From the Top

Hello all you happy people! And to those of you just joining this blog, welcome I review ducks, other animated shows and comics... and today’s review is special for me. For a number of reasons. For starters it’s a reminder how far i’ve come. See I always wanted to be a reviewer, ever since high school when a friend showed me a certain online reviewer whose now dead to me, and opened me up to a world of much better reviewers who i’m still fans of to this day, and ones who came after them , and after that and so on and so on. I so badly wanted a community to belong to I struggled to be a youtube reviewer but frankly lacked the talent or self confidence back then to try, so my attempts over the decade were a series of stops and starts. Of me starting to find my niche writing only to stop because I hated myself so much, and still struggle with that, i’d tell myself I could never do it, I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t funny enough and no one cared. I kept shutting myself down AGAIN AND AGAIN, for far too long. 

But that all changed a year ago next month: I’d long been a fan of the Ducktales Reboot. I was caustiously optimistic when it was announced. The optimism came from a deep abiding love of scrooge as a character despite not having dove into his comics that deep, I didn’t have an easy way at the time, thanks to life and times and what comics I had read, and was excited to see a fresh reboot closer to the comics with my eternal boy Donald Duck back in the main character. The caution.. came from the fact that at the time we’d gotten a string of bad to medicore reboots: Teen Titans GO, Powerpuff Girl, and Ben 10 which started pretty meh but has turned into alirght from some of the later episodes I saw. I wanted to be hyped to all hell but I had no proof this wasn’t going to be another dumbed down reboot. Then comic con came, the first teaser poster dropped, and my skepticism died.

It was perfect: a barksian art style with it’s own twists! Donald full on display! And best of all the triplets FINALLY had not only unique outfits but personalities! I’ve long went on in my reviews about how much that annoyed me and while it worked for the barks comics ever since then it’s just felt like a waste to have three characters there.. and not even the SLIGHTEST difference. 

My anticipation only grew with the full trailer, the promo posters as more and more info showed how good this series would be, how unique it’d be, and how much tw as taking what made the comics great, giving us a better distalation of that while still being very much it’s own beast. And once this episode dropped.. that faith was unfounded. Woo-oo! is without hyperbole, one of the best pilots i’ve seen, one that introduced the entire main cast perfectly, gets the series tone and mission statment out just right and in general set the stage for one of the best shows of the 2010′s (and 2020′s, even if it only lasted a year and some change). Wheras Teen Titans GO actively tried to take a dump on it’s source material, they thankfully have stopped that but it dosent’ make those early years any less grating, Ducktales was a breath of fresh air that honored the past while making i’ts own future. I tried talking about it but it was all in other failed attempts at reviewing: solo podcasts, my breif second video review career.. stuff no one rightly cared about and I just couldn’t get the hang of. 

So this is where we loop back to last year: I decided to finally try and cover it one more time, not realizing this would be my last chance as it came out anyway, and since I was doing text reviews but my output had slid in the new year, I decided to review Season 3 as it came out. If it bottomed out I could always stop.... and I just never did. I kept going, eventually finding new fans, a patreon (The other one’s an old friend of mine), and not only got paid doing what I love.. but found some peace.  I reviewed other shows as they came out, covered things i’d wanted to cover for years like life and times, scott pilgrim and x-men,. I covered other shows as they came out, found people willing to talk over my opinions and found my niche at long last. 

So that’s why the long speech folks: After almost a year of reviewing i’m properly covering the start of something that made me happier than I had been in a long time and gave me hope during one of the worst periods of ALL our lives. Something i’ve wanted to cover since I finally got started last year, and something truly amazing. So i’d be honored if you’d join me under the cut as I talk about the genesis of one of the best series Disney has ever put out. 

Behind the Scenes Stuff:  Most details I could find were sparse. it took going back to the first month the show came out and looking at a LOT of unrelated questions to finally find out Frank and Matt outright pitched the show. This dosen’t suprise me as both are huge ducktales fans with Matt having drawn his own duck comics as a kid and Frank taking it an extra mile having sang the theme song in his first grade talent show, worked it into his vows and got his first daughter’s first word to be “Woo-oo”. It’s very clear this show as a labor of love for them something they dreamed of Disney made possible. 

Otherwise I don’t have much on the genisis of the show: It was in the earliest ideas going to be a revivial but Frank and Matt both decided against it , deciding it’d be unfair to expect kids from 30 years after the original to know the source material, and instead just starting it over outright, which was the right call especailly with Alan Young’s passing. 

Design wise I found quite a bit of concept art thanks to one website, and it’s incredibly intresting. This is why i’ve really gotten into art books: I like seeing this early stuff what characters used to be, figuring out or outright hearing from the creators mouths why they changed it that sort of thing. 

Starting off we have some early designs for Donald, with him wearing the sailor suit as a kid but his Quackshot outfit as an adult, something I honestly wish they’d kept but get why they changed it: The iconic sailor suit both helps contrast him with della and fits his reluctance to adventure in season 1 more. I still wish that they worked the Quackshot outfit in somewhere, but they worked in so damn much, it’s hard to complain> Though I probably will make a list of “things I wished they’d worked” in at some point and i’d be lying inf I siad my mind wasn’t currently turning the gears to figure out how to work this into a fanfic. Oohhh maybe as Dewey’s outfit as an adult but blue, obviously. 

Next we have Donald settled more into his final apperance as well as the boy’s first outfits.  As you can tell from both of these the show originally went more with the classic art style before getting the one we’re familiar with now, one I love by the way and was made to combine a classic cartoon style with the visual of the comics. Donald originally had his classic outfit before they transitioned to the more barks style one, a good call.  

The interesting bit though is obviously the boys original outfits which i’m honestly bummed didn’t make it for Huey and Louie, not so much Dewey minus the visor. I do get the changes though: The hoodie Dewey had fit WAY beter on Louie, and the lumberjack shirt didn’t quite fit the nerdier huey. Still look nice. Dewey’s is okay, but only the visor is something I really gregret them removing same with louie’s fedora. It would’ve been neat ot keep the hat thing, but have each hat be unique. Likely they simplified things to make animation easier and simply removed the hats for some reason, but it’s nice ot see these more detailed original drafts and it is VERY interesting to find that differentiating the triplets was something planned from the earliest concept art. Though given Matt and Frank said in interviews they wanted a more natural family feel, it’s not a huge surprise. 

Scrooge like everyone BUT the boys thus far, naturally also had his original outfit at first, but like he ended up doing in the series rotated a bit, if not as much in the final product. We also see a protoype for his final design, the old coat but with a jacket over it in the last image. I also notice Donald seemed a lot more like his old comics self in the concept art with quackshot!donald. 

Like everyone else, Webby and Launchapd were originally their 87 deisgns, though Launchpad’s slightly diffrent jacket and green scarf were changed from the start. Webby is the closest to her 87 design, and as shown in the previous Lena concept art from my “Spies Like Us and Dime after Dime” double feature, she still had her new personality. More on that in a bit. 

Finally we have Flintheart, whose design is a bit diffrent from 87: He was a chub from day one it appears, though they’d exagerate it, and his beard was a bit longer at first like his other incarnations. 

Beakly is largely unchanged form 87, only given a coat, which would gradually be mofidied, much liekt he boys into her current outfit. 

As you can tell Beakly, Webby and Launchpad were all there from day one as they wanted them from the original ducktales just updated. 

Production wise they wanted to go handrawn, chose the style they did to have something close to the comics that felt classicly aniamteda t the same time, I feel they succeeded and wanted a show that felt like the original. I do think this show has it’s own feel but it does feel ducktales. I badly hope for an artbook at some point though as this show probably hada  LOT more intresting concept art. Seriously Disney I will PAY YOU to look at your neat art. Please. 

So they created a fully formed world and put the characters in it, wanting it to feel like the world had existed before and had throughly been explored and letting our young heroes be the watson to Donald and Scrooge’s holmes. 

Finally Della was indeed part of the initial pitch and a core idea from day one as every family has secrets and Della felt like one that had been lurking around the fringes of the story for 80 years. The rest of the production stuff i’ll weave in as we go but first one last stop, the STELLAR voice cast, none of whom outsideo f Tony i’ve talked about before sooooo...

The All Star Cast

The casting was outstanding here, with Matt admitting the cast brought a LOT to the characters, especially Ben Schwartz whose taken on Dewey was so unique and intresting they actually rewrote some of his dialouge for the pilot to fit this version better. This is far and away one of the best casts in western animation, most coming from comedy backgrounds and one or two coming from a voice acting background, but all bringing their absolute best. And since our main 8 are all in the pilot let’s run them down along with Keith Ferguson shall we?

Playing everyone’s faviorite billionare scotsman  and one of the very few to ever do so, we have David Fucking Tennant. David was their “First and only choice” and for good reason: David is a talented actor with a MASSIVE amount of stage, tv and audio drama credits. His biggest and best known role is playing the 10th Doctor on Doctor Who, which while not my faviorite (That’d be matt smith, as he’s both the one I came in on and hte one who got me hooked) he’s still  VERY close second and damn talented and I need to watch more of his tenure. Outside of that just to condense it to his ongoing roles on stuff and bigger roles: Filmwise he’s had starring roles in the Fright Night remake, You, Me and Him, Fish Without Bicycles and Bad Samartains, and is set to do a voice for the upcoming Loud House Movie, which excites me to no end. 

TV wise where most of his roles have been he got his first big starring role on the Telly with the BBC Mini series Taking Over the Asylum in the late 90′s. He’d go on to make a career out of doing mini’s for a while, also taking part in He Knew He Was Right, The Quatermass Experiment Remake, Casanova, Secret Smile.. and Blackpool. I saved Blackpool for last before we move into the Who era as if you’ve never heard of it.. it’s REALY fucking weird. It’s a jukebox musical about a man who wants to make Blackpool, a real city, into the new vegas and Tennat plays a cop investigating a case around the guy and also trying to get with his wife because they used to date and because our lead is philandering jackass. That’s already kinda nuts.. but then you get to the fact the songs are sung OVER the original songs instead of making a new version of them. It’s surreal to be sure but if you can find it it’s worth it for the handful of good numbers and how weird it looks and you can find clips of the songs on youtube if your intrested. Here’s a starter. 

Your also welcome. He’d go on to play Detective Alec Hardy in Broadchurch to critical aclaim as well as be a part of it’s short lived american remake, would play the Fugitoid in tmnt 2007, Kilgrave in Jessica Jones, one of his few post who roles i’ve seen or heard besides Scrooge and easily some of his best work he NAILS that purple bastard perfectly, would make his own show Staged about a fictional version of himself putting on a Stage play that’s still ongoing, and is currently , along with Ducktales as it wraps up, the voice of Lord Commander on Final Space, with the character returning this season judging by the trailers to fan delight and terror. He’s a VERY talented actor and voice actor and I do hope he goes on to do more and more voice work in years to come as, with his background in radio, he was born for it. 

He was also born for this roll, playing Scrooge perfectly and easily matching Alan Young in quality, not a small feat and i’ts VERY obvious why he was their one and only choice. 

Next up is another legend, Tony Anselmo who we’ve talked about before when I covered legend of the Three Cablleros: He’s been Donald’s voice since shortly before Ducktales, hasn’t done much else but given he’s THE voice for the character and this show let him show off one hell of a range with teh voice, he dosen’t really need other credits. The man is a treasure and I fear loosing him one day and fear for whoever replaces him as they have a LOT to live up to. 

Getting into the triplets, we’re going by age so starting off we have Huey, voiced by Danny Pudi. Like most of this cast aside from Toks Ogladyve and Beck Bennet (Who I probably HAD seen on SNL but didn’t really know or look out for him on there till after Ducktales), I not only knew Danny but was a huge fan of his going in. This is due to his breakout role on the glorious sitcom Community, which sadly only had a handful of i’ts cast show up on this show. I mean you got Lin Manuel Miranda I’m sure Donald Glover would’ve said yes too. He grew up with Ducktales. Regardless his role as meta guy Abed was easily the best of the cast on that show, with Glover as troy a very close second and the two working at their best as a duo. Outside of that he’s had a few roles being a regular on Powerless, which I forgot existed and currently on Mythic Quest: Raven’s Banquet, and shockingly hasn’t done a ton of voice work. And given his performance as huey was one of the best parts of this show he REALLY, REALLY SHOULD. Please Danny. He’s also a loving husband, father and surprisingly a marathon runner. Never would’ve guessed.

Next up is SNL Alumn of 9 years, Bobby Monynihan. Bobby is naturally best known for that, my faviorite role of his being Ass Dan. That’s right bitch you know he’s going to live fore..

ASS DAN 1981-2021

He’ll be back. Outside of SNL he’s done a bunch of minor roles. He’s currently on the tragically mediocre sitcom Mr. Mayor, and voiced Panda on We Bare Bears. Hopefully he keeps up the good work as he deserves better than he’s gotten and Ducktales proves it. 

Finally for the triplets we have a rising star in voice acting, Ben Schrwartz. At the time Ducktales launched, I was a fan of his from his roll on parks and Rec as Jen Ralphio, aka older scummier Dewey. 

Outside of his historic recurring role here he played a main role on House of Lies, a show I need to go back to, and has done other live action rolls but has REALLY hit his stride in voice acting. He started with voicing Randy Cunningham in Randy Cunningham 9th grade ninja and since then has hit the ground running: He was Rutabega on Bojack, Josh on Bob’s Burgers, and went on to complete the trifecta of blue nostalgic characters after voicing dewey by voicing Leo in Rise of the TMNT (and having one of the most unique and intresting versions of the character to play) and reprised the roll for the upcoming film. And of course he hit it HUGE by playing Sonic in the suprsingly fantastic Sonic the Hedgehog movie, and will do so again for the sequel and might even take up the roll for the games now Roger Craig Smith has retired. We shall see. Point is this guy’s at the top of his game and Dewey is part of that. Like with his brothers I can’t picture anyone else playing him. 

Rounding out the kids is Webby, played by the wonderous Kate Micucci. Kate is a lovely talented woman who mostly showed up in smaller parts, was part of the musical duo garfunkel and oates which even got their own tv show, and is currently a fairly prolific voice actor with this being her best known roll. I also had a bit of a crush on her once can you tell? Regardless besides absolutely nailing it as Webby she’s voiced Julie Kane in the crimnally short and even more crimnally not on Disney+ Motorcity, “Irma” in the 2012 TMNT cartoon, and the fact that “Irma” is in quotes should tell you how big a waste I felt it was having her NOT actually be Irma, despite Kate’s massive talent, the fact that Irma hadn’t been in anything since the 87 cartoon, and the fact that for added “Fuck you audience points” her krang form was voiced by Gilbert Godfried, who I love but whose casting feels like they wanted to make the twist as grating as possible. Good job there. 

Anyways her second biggest voice gig was as Sadie on Steven Universe, which took WAY too long to show off her absolutely tremendous singing voice. She started voicing Velma Dinkley in the mid-2010′s and has since, voiced Milo’s sister Sarah on Milo Murphy’s Law, Dr. Fox on Unikitty, and most recently voiced a sentient present on close enough who did this. 

So yeah quite the career and like Ben she probably has a long and storied career in Voice Acting ahead. 

Next up is Beck Bennet as everyone’s friend Launchpad where he excels. He’s best known as a castmember on SNL outside of this, and shockingly hasn’t done a ton of voice work. The only other time i’ve caught him is in the same season of Close Enough as Luc, aka dude-bro satan. But like eveyrone else here who hasn’t done a lot of voice work so far or has been more selective I defintely hope he keeps going with it as he’s amazing. He and Ben will be co-starring on MODOK in May so i’m excited for that. 

Last up for the main cast is Beakly, voiced by  Toks Olagundoye, who I hadn’t heard of before this show and hasn’t done a lot outside of the two season sitcom the neighbors, the aliens one not the really terrible looking one, and a stint on Castle, but like everyone here deserves much more and if Beakly is any indication, really should stick with voice acting. 

Last up is Keith Ferguson as only he could as FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD, whose a staple in the voice acting community ever since 2000, and has had a TON of roles some of which I was unaware with him. Given Frank worked with him on Wonder Over Yonder, where he voiced Lord Hater to perfection, the two clearly have a close working relationship. He also has a close working relationship with Wonder creator Craig McCracken and has worked on all of his post-powerpuff girls show, voicing Bloo as his first major role, something I never would’ve guessed, and currently voicing Papa G on Kid Cosmic. 

Outside of Craig and Frank, he played both Karate Kid and Nemisis Kid on Legion of Super Heroes (Which really needs to come to HBO Max), Deputy Durland on Gravity Falls,  and Thunderbolt Ross on Avengers Earth’s Mighteist Heroes. He’s damn good and deserves the world for Glomgold alone and i’m glad Craig rung him up again as so far through my watch of Kid Cosmic he’s great. 

So with our cast in place, our past in place and you all likely ready to get on with it already let’s dive into the episode:

THE EPISODE: Part one Woo-Ooo!

We begin with a shot of a seagull flying overseagulls, a nice way to establish how this world works and how it bends expectations. They’d have to wait till season 3 to get a duck next to ducks but given that gag is one of the best of the series, it was worth it. 

Inside a house boat we meet Donald, Huey and Louie and get a sense of their personalities: Donald is panicked trying to get to a job interview and insists the boys wear life vests, showing his overprotectiveness and responsibility exclusive to this version. Louie stresses that Donald wear a suit instead of his normal clothes to properly impress the interviewer, showing his skill at people reading and manipulation, and Huey is making a nice, if messy, breakfast with a heartwarming message showing his heart and dedication. After finding out said Babysitter was sent to the wrong address, the boys TRY to hustle him out to stay alone.. only for Dewey to blow the scheme by starting the boat too early, letting Donald know he’s been had. Huey’s attempt to lie about it is of course the classic “Who’s Dewey?” Dewey’s caught wiring the boat and Donald throws them in the car, with Donald livid and the boys upset as their chafing at his constant overprotectiveness. 

Both sides aren’t wrong. tThe boys DID do something reckless, putting an old woman in the desert and risking their home just to go on a joyride. What they did was wrong.. but the boys AREN’T wrong for getting annoyed that he won’t let them DO anything and overly hovering over them when they CAN handle themselves as we’ll see. WE now know why: he lost their mother and his sister to her and scrooge’s recklesness. While he got therapy for his anger it’s clear he never properly got help about Della, and thus overcompensates by trying to keep what he has left of her alive. He means well.. but to them it comes off as him being manically overprotective with no good reason. They get into trouble because it’s the only way to DO anything away from him. He’s trying so hard not to loose them he almost has by the time hte series starts, and it’s telling that when they get context in Last Crash, they appricate him more from then on. They do love him, but their frustration is understandable even if what their doing is pretty damn stupid. But their also 10 and Donald’s the grown adult in therapy who should’ve dealt with this or tried to at least by now.

So with no other options Donald sets a course for McDuck manor which excites the boys who have heard of Scrooge McDuck and his exploits, each rattling off something they heard him do that fits their personality (Dewey picks him fighting a stone monster, Huey picks him uncovering a hoax and Louie picks his swimming in money. ) As Donald tries to get them to simmer down, they wonder what he’s up to

He’s up toooo.. depression. He’s in a room with his board, watching them with utter hate and sadness as they talk about cutting the invention and aviation departments. This scene plays ENTIRELY differently after the final two episodes of the season. Before it still plays well as Scrooge clearly resenting being stuck in a boring board meeting, having lost everything that made him him and just having lost his passion for life. Now? It plays as a man utterly disdainful of the men who made him give up on his daughter. While as far as he knows they did it to save his employees from his company collapsing, we know better now... and seriously where IS the rest of the board they just vanished after the Season 3 premiere.

I don’t mind only one being fleshed out, unlike the triplets we only NEED the one I mind that they just never explained it and still haven’t. Hopefully the finale will. 

But back on the plot, it now plays as Scooge just full of hatred for them, knowing they had to do what they did, even if they weren’t emebzlling but still hating them and himself. He’s likely not even paying attention anymore because he just dosen’t CARE: he has all the money int he world.. and it couldn’t bring him his daughter back. As he sadly puts the coins he was fiddling with back and says see you tommorow he can’t even close the vault without a struggle. As we’ll see later the strength never left, it’s not like he stopped execrising.. but he has nothing left to fight for. Nothing left to care about. He could adventure agian so far.. but without Della or Donald, as we’d learn two seasons later the reason he enjoyed it again... what’s the point? He has nothing left except his money. 

This is also a nice parallel to the final Chapter of LIfe and Times. I always felt the first half of woo-ooo was a spiritual adaptation of chapter 12 of that: Scrooge meets the boys for the first time and with their help, and Donalds in the story< Webby and Launchpad here, he regains his passion and more importantly his family after driving them away> The how is very different: he did in life and times due to sinking to his lowest point morally, then cruelly dismissing his family when they tried to welcome him home and bury the hatchet despite what he’d done. Here.. he made a HORRIBLE mistake, one that wasn’t entirely on him but still cost him everything and spent the decade instead of stewing or making more money trying desperately to undo it. The end result is the same, a dried out husk of a man with nothing left to loose and no will to gain anything.

This husk has launchpad though whose introduced as his driver and while good with subs and planes.. isn’t great on the road. After that though Donald pulls up hoping to drop the kids off before Scrooge arrives. Naturally this being a cartoon and Donald having tempted fate with that Scrooge shows up telling him to jettison that Jallopy at once. And finding out who it is, apart from asking how Donald is and Donald doing the same, dosen’t sway him. The boys however freak out after finding out Scrooge is Donald’s and there uncle, with my faivriote bit of that being Dewey exiting the car via a window and rolling across the roof back in. Amazing bit of animation. Wish I had a gif of that. 

Donald makes the situation plane and angry and asks “Can you do that without LOOSING THEM”. And scrooge is so painfully disarmed by his reminder of his past mistakes and the fact his surrogate son still resents him, that he agrees before realizing “Shit I have to watch children now don’t I” as Donald drives off. As you probably guessed, this is another scene that plays differently in hindsight, if not by much: It still plays as two men too stubborn and bitter to reconcile.. but now we know the why behind both their rages it feels even sadder. They both lost the person they cared about most but as it sadly happens in real life both have dug in their heels to reconcile, both feeling their right when neither completely is. While Donald was right to be upset at scrooge and della for what happened, and is mostly taking it out on scrooge because he’s the one left... he’s held onto his anger for 10 years instead of going to help when he’s unemployed, living in a dilapidated houseboat and trying ot raise three children alone and could’ve used what help scrooge would give. Scrooge is right to be upset that Donald is just selectively ignoring everything he’s done to save Della, but is too stubborn and prideful to apologize for what he DID do wrong and feels that’s enough to make up for it when , while it is enough that donald should forgive him, still dosen’t mean he dosen’t have a lot to apologize for. Both are just too angry and too much alike, as much as it woudln’t seem so, to settle with each other and see too much of what they lost. 

So the kids follow Scrooge.. who forgets to open the door, and Beakly lets them in. It’s a nice subtle bit. After some silence, Bentina TRIES to get her old friend and now employer to talk to them, but he naturally refuses and they do the talking, asking tons of questions.. and Dewey ends the conversation by accidently pressing the “imply he USED to be something rather than is something right now “ button

So Scrooge throws them in the twins old room, and Beakly gives them some marbles. You will give them b ack they will be counted. But another subtle touch I missed the first time is there... her sad look. She clearly doesn’t want to do this, but she has to play this carefully or else he might get mad and fire her on the spur of the moment. He’d obviously hire her back, where else is he going to get an ex spy who will both clean for him AND be his bodyguard and security. It’s a very small pool. Mostly because Beakly probably killed most of the other people who’d of fit that description during her spy days. 

Scrooge meanwhile is still rattled by Dewey’s statment, wondering if he really is a “used to be” instead of a “never left”. The fire is starting to spark again.. he just needs more kindling. And more kin. 

Meanwhile Louie and Huey marvel at Dewey’s “Brilliant’ breakout plan: hit the door knob with the sack of marbles til lit breaks. To be fair, they’ve known dewey as long as they’ve been alive and even by season 3 after he’s taken several levels in badass and cunning.. he still crashed a plane because his brother well-meaningly called him basic, and thought being nearly sacrificed the most times was an accomplishment. This is the best he could do and you all know it. It also works, so they can’t fault him for that... though he’s quickly kidnapped as are they. They wake up after the commerical break in a room with pure darkness, hung from the celing with a mystery person asking who they are and who they work for before Louie calls out for “uncle scrooge”... so she claps the lights back on and..

Well close. But it is Webby, who cuts them down, fangirls over meeting the nephews and asks who the evil triplet is. They all point to Louie who shrugs it off. I mean it was funny enough the first time but at this point I know he’s running several fradulent charites, almost all scamming his uncle. He’s earned that title. Webby puts them on the big board and then when asked they find out she’s Webby, her granny Beakly is housekeeper.  She then asks the big questons “Are we friends now?” “If we say yes will you let us live?” “Ha good one new best friend”

She then explains she dosen’t get to leave or anything even eat a hamburger. The boys are moved by this and Louie asks what she does for fun. She leads them to the vents and while Huey and Louie are a bit relcutant, Dewey naturally goes first pointing out it’s better than the marble room. They agree and are on their way. 

Okay unpinning that pin, the crew conciously updated Webby and Beakly as neither really had a lot of purpose in the original. It was also to conciously add more actiony females to the main family lineup, as both creators, both being fathers, preferred someone their daughters could look up to and would enjoy watching. Not someone perfect but someone intresting instead of someone who often got Kidnapped and whose main charactrisitcs were “Sweet and GIRL STEROTYPE” So cleverly they KEPT her being girly, having a skirt, liking ponies. .but also gave her all the training and skill of one Cassandra Cain, a sheltered background and an adorable personality that kept the sweetness but added her probably having killed a man at some point. It worked as Webby is one of the best parts of the show. 

Likewise Beakly was upgraded from fuddy duddy housekeeper, to badass former secret agent whose also a housekeeper, and bodyguard and confidant to scrooge. Demonstrated by her talk with him as he tries to put on his diving suit and go after the jewel of atlantis, having spotted the signs to go after it in the paper.. and wanting to prove a child wrong. Beakly points out the flaws in this, and tries to get him to connect to his family. Having lost hers, it’s easy to see why.. though the how’s a mystery.. for now i’m guess. We’ll see in the finale. But she’s Scrooge’s concisence and the one who can easiest reign him in, to the point two episodes directly have our heroes have to NOT call her or else the plot was end, but have that worked into the plot so it works. She’s the calm in his storm and hte one person he needs more than anyone else even if he dosen’t always realize it. He calls family “nothing but trouble” just as Dewey passes overhead. 

So naturally as Webby shows off Scrooge’s old treasures in a mysterious room, while the other Siblings are rightfully impressed, Dewey dismisses it as “fake” because he’s being a little shit, and they agree after seeing Donald, not knowing his reputation. The cutaway to him struggling with a stapler does not help> it’s only when Webby accidnetly uneleashes Captain Peghook, a vengeful ghost after scrooge, who gets his hand on a ghostly sword do they realize this time the monsters are real. Huey also accidently wakes up Manny, the headless manhorse! 

Things somehow get WORSE as Scrooge finds them.. but is in no state to argue and as our heroes duck and Huey tries to divise a plan.. Scrooge get’s his spark back once agian.. it’s starting to become an ember now... and he charges in despite Dewey’s cries of “No come back your old!”. It then gets VERY badass Scrooge: Oi! Beastie! What's it gonna take to shuffle you off to the afterlife? Captain Peg-Hook: The head of Scrooge McDuck! Scrooge: [cracks his neck, flips his cane around to wield like a sword] Would you settle for his hat?

Now that is how you show how badass Scrooge is in a few lines and gestures. HE proceeds to take both out, as they’ve now teamed up, easily, tricking peghook into cutting off the head of a statue of him in the area, throwinng it at him and finsihing the ghosts buisnesss (”I should’ve been more specifiiiicccccc”) and then giving Manny the head, earning him a loyal employee for life. So our days saved, the kids have faith.. and Scrooge is still pissed. He also reveals this isn’t a treasure room but the garage in what’s easily the best gag of the first half, possibly the whole special but one iconic moment is very close in that one. Webby concedes what about the stack of old magazines or the hose or.. okay he’s probably right. He berates them only for the kids to fire back, pointing out he threw them in a room, they just wanted to spend time with him... but it’s only Dewey throwing his words back in his face that pisses him off. Scrooge bellows at them to get out, clearly having internalized everything with donald into rage and trying to justify pushing eveyrone away instead of working at it... but this dosen’t have time to actually work, nor would Beakly actually throw three children out on the curb, as he hits a mystic gong.. the third time it’s been hit. And after realizing it’s already been hit twice Scrooge is faced with Pixu, the gold hutning dragon! And guess who has a giant bin of it wanting to snack on? Scrooge naturally climbs on the thing and the kids naturally want to follow, with Webby getting her first development by proudly announcing “I’m going to eat a hamburger” then explains the metaphor. They just need a pilto.. and as Launchpad has been saying but I forgot to add in “I’m a pilot”

So we get a GORGEOUS bit of Scrooge riding the dragon over the city, getting banged up as he does before finally being thrown off.. only for the kids to catch him with the planes help and try and come up with a plan. Scrooge overcomes his anger at them not staying put, especailly since Webby brings up the right weakness: as a wise man once said...

So they need some.. like say the Medusa Gauntlet Scrooge had in the garage.. that Louie naturally stole. Huey and Webby eyeroll him but they have what they need.. and Huey brought the hose and quickly comes up with a plan, tying scrooge in, and swinging him to Pixu. The kids hold on tight, Dewey calls his family awesome and our heroes win the day as Scrooge turns the dragon to stone, slips and falls.. and then GRACEFULLY dives into hte bin, showing off his diving skills and his badassery. The day is saved, the gauntlet and the dragon go in the bin for safe keeping and Scrooge calls the kids trouble.. and chuckles fondly. “Curse me kilts how i’ve missed trouble”

He’s impressed: Huey’s quick thinking, Louie’s pickpocketing, Dewey’s drive, and Webby’s magical knowledge all saved them. For once. .he’s happy again. And for the second time in life it took his family to remind him why he does this and show him the true fun of adventure: Getting to share it with those he love. And he finally has people to love again. He has family back, kids who look up to him and want to learn from him again, a REASON to adventure. Money and treasure and eveyrthig couldn’t bring della back.. but he at least sees now that whiel they certianly couldn’t.. they can bring him closely with what he has left. She’s gone, for now.. but she left behind three great kids who could use a mentor and Beakly brought him a fourth. And he just found out he has a pilot. The ember.. is now a raging flame. Scrooge is back. Because i’ts not the money or the glory.. it’s the thrill of it, the discovery.. and the family that makes adventuring worth while and he’s learned that lesson again. So he calls Beakly to clear his schedule.. forgetting she you know PUT A FUCKING PIN INTHE WALL the last time he asked her to play scretary and the onlyr eason she dind’t drive over the choke him to death, is that she’s probably happy he’s back on track.

Back at the interview Donald is stapled to the wall and gets the job.. not as an accountant mind but his employer needs a sailor.. and his employer is FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD. Oh boy. 

Part 2: Escape To/From Atlantis First the last bit of background I saved: Originally, Fenton and Gyro were supposed to show up here, starting a gag of Fenton showing up but not being named until “Beware the B.U.D.D.Y. System!”, setting up the sub. But the crew decided this took too much away from the focus on the duck family. The not naming him gag was also dropped, and I have two reasons why: Their given reason, which is it’d take up too much time and a logistical reason: While they gave a heartfelt pitch to Lin-Manuel Miranda, as frank wanted a strong Latino superhero to combat the lack of them on film, Frank and Matt probably thought they woudln’t get such a huge name or at least prepared for it.. and were delightfully suprised when Lin happily and tearfully agreed. So they likely scrapped it so they could properly promote the biggest name in their voice cast. Honestly it was for the best and they still go to do the idea with Drake in “The Duck Knight Returns!”, where it worked much better than it probably would have with Fenton. 

We open with the Glomgold Industries Employee Training Video! Encourging IP Theft, making things cheaper and general scumbaggery, and claming your the world’s most beloved scottish billionare. IN short the perfect introduction to everyone’s favorite insane, fake-scottish, scheming, egotistical , short sighted billionaire. As i’ve made transparent before, I fucking love the reboot version of Glomgold and he’s easily one of my favorite parts of the reboot. They clearly needded to find a new place for Glomgold in the grand scheme of things as the show was more about globetrotting adventure and family and less about getting contracts or bets about whose bigger money and more about family. While they DID do a classic bet storyline with season 2, it’s clear the old glomgold was just a bit too stiff to properly fit into this new zanier and deeper universe. 

So they instead remolded him as a half insane, knockoff scrooge, someone who PURPOSFULLY modeled himself after the guy to try and one up him, and instead of being a fairly low pitched schemer, was a bombastic idiot whose schemes were half baked, whose name was on everything he made, and whose only thing bigger than scrooge was his glorious ego. In short he was perfect for this series and perfect to show up way more often as a bumbling thorn in Scrooge’s side.. but one who COULD be effective in the right circumstances, as to not make him completely pointless. Keith was likewise the only person I could see in the roll now as with Hater he had a history of playing bombastic, egosticial morons, and made Glomgold into the enjoyable ball of ego, bombs, sharks and shouting we know and love. Some people didn’t take to this version after a while... I’m not one of those. I loved him here, I love him now, and he’s every bit as good in season 3 as he was at the start. He’s also wearing a kilt mcduck A KILT. A bit that’st STILL funny four years and 70 some episodes later. 

So we meet Gabby McStabberson and the Smashnikovs as they and Donald file in, though Donald is busy wrapping up a call with Scrooge, who assures them he has a low key day planned.. while in the sub getting ready to go to atlantis. And nearly drowning when Dewey tells Launchpad to dive while he and Scrooge are still up top. Cue credits. 

So on the sub we get our setup for the two main plots for the episode: While the main thrust of everything is Scrooge taking them to Atlantis, each leads to a diffrent plot. Louie talks to Donald and lies entirely about their day, worrying Webby.. who then reveals she just didn’t tell Beakly she took off or where she was going and encourages her to call and lie. To save time, i’m going to cover this subplot now minus the conclusion as it’s pretty simple and this review is already a day behind. Louie wants her to lie so she dosen’t worry, which is oddly sweet.. still a bit greasy, but it’s clear he means well and it shows in his own way the boy cares about Donald: Sure he’ll lie to the guy, and set up a fradulent charity to scam him.. but he also knows not to worry his dad-uncle and kows Donald is better off thinking their safe than knowing the truth. Granted it also prevents consequences for Louie.. but he’s not playing here here. He gets nothing out of Beakly not knowing the truth or helping some girl he just met, he’s just being NICE in his own twisty way. It’s a nice show of his depths: While louie will lie, cheat and steal Eddie Gurrero style, he does have a caring side underneath hit. He can read people well and while he primarily uses it to manipulate people, we’ll see time and time again that he can use it for good too and to help those he cares about. He’s nothing but supportive the whole plot, and even when he says “you can’t back that up” it’s more worrying about her and having a bit of crack than actually being a dick. 

So Webby tries lying, but is about as good as Huey is at it, saying “I’m at a friends house nothing, then makes up a clearly fake name, then says their only talking in swedish for a grandpa. Launchpad DOES help, but only by accident and snake venom. We’ll get to that. As I said this wasn’t the most complex plot. 

The main plot is our focus episode for dewey. In theory each of the kids was supposed to have one in the first five episodes: Dewey here, Webby in Daytrip of Doom, Louie in Great Dime Chase and Huey in Impossible Summit of Mt. Nevverest!. Given the last one was horribly delayed, he instead got Terror of the Terra Firmians, which in hindsight wasn’t the best spotlight episode for him. But it’s a good system; Introduce them all in the first half of the pilot then slowly focus on each one.  So now Idoloizing Scrooge, Dewey is desperate to be his sidekick and be seen as an equal and is in deep denial as scrooge instead has them all buckle up for a 17 hour ride and when Dewey questions the route, which skips the direct path.. but is clearly marked with monsters, Scrooge just snaps at him and shuts him down and disapoints the boy who only wants to prove himself to Scrooge. 

Naturally though, telling someone with that kind of need for attention and validation to wait goes poorly as he redirects the map while Launchapd is distracted.. and we find out WHY the trip is 17 hours as the direct route nearly gets them killed by mer-ducks, krakens and some sort of storm elemental. Dewey is bummed it didn’t work and annoyed to realize he’s just lumping them all together like Huey pointed out earlier. Huey is also delightful here, having brought travel bingo and sea shanties, clearly used to trips with his other uncle. And adorably taking after him. 

But Dewey’s deversion has done more than make him even MORE determined to prove himself to Scrooge whose just trying to NOT loose the son of the daughter he lost...

The Merducks have taken up residence in the bathroom, so they have to make a pitstop. Scrooge, CLEARLY forgetting how to take a trip with children, wasn’t prepared for this but they find a frieghter and make a stop. Naturally it’s GLOMGOLD’S freighter, where his sub took off from, and he and his minons including Donald find Scrooge using the bathroom.. and the boys to Donald’s rage. Unfortunately saying ‘I’ll kill him” to a raging sociopath who takes that as a sign to kill ALL of them, isn’t a smart move. 

So while Donald tries to plan to keep his family alive, said family arrives in Atlantis with a great bit of Scrooge trying to give a big speech only for them to see it first and ooh and ah. They touch down in the city.. which is flip turned upside down. Scrooge notes hti is odd but is able to read the hieroglypchs even upside downa nd notes there’s tones of deadly traps and that they shoudl stay back and..

Huey: Dewey ran in as soon as you said traps. 

So while Scrooge tries to prevent dewey loosing his head, Donald prevents launchpad loosing his and makes up an excuse about “if their dead now we can’t tourture them later” to cover his ass. Glomgold is impressed.  Dewey is Dewcipointed that the traps are upside down, though he does trigger some snakes that get launchpad. He’s fine just delirious. And possibly slowly dying but the fact he’s lived this long is a miracle. Maybe that’s why he’s missing for most of season 3 part 2, the snake venom caught up to him and drake and fenton need to find the cure. Anyways the rest of the party stays behind while Scrooge chases after Dewey, who naturally runs ahead AGAIN. 

Donald ducks out to use the bathroom, as Dewey tries the old dance through the laser grid routine.. but forgets the part where your supposed to actually avoid it, leaving it to an unseen Donald to stop the fire traps from barbqueing his boy. IT’s a really awesome sequence that shows off Donald’s still got it even if he dosen’t want it.  Scrooge naturally works smarter not harder and simply ziplines above like a badass and berates Dewey when he tells him he took “The easy way”

“Why would you want to take the hard way?” The argument that’s been brewing all episode bubbles up and once again both sides have a point: Scrooge rightfully points out Dewey’s being reckless, has no experince and needs to listen to Scrooge and learn something. Dewey claps back that Scrooge isn’t TEACHING them, just teling them to get behind him while he does things instead of trying to actively mentor them. He outright told them he was going to teach them so while Dewey’s been a wee bit overbearing, he’s right in being disappointed that Scrooge instead just wants them to be safe. I see it as his subconscious acting up: He wants and needs the kids along and is right ot keep them safe.. but is too scared to properly mentor them after what happened to Della and is just trying not to loose anybody. His methods have been right, to keep them safe.. he’s just been so determined to save them, he can’t properly TEACH them so he won’t have to forever or explain WHY. And given the First Adventure shows that while protective he did eventually let Della and Donald pull their weight.. but here he lost so much between adventures.. he just can’e bear loosing them. Dewey also rightfully points out he just lumps them together which in any other version wouldn’t be an issue, until the reboot I had no idea which one was which here? They have distinct outfits and personalities and you had 17 hours to actually get to know them. Probably less given the shortcut but still, several hours at a minimum. It’s things like this that make the series work: while there’s plenty of internal conflicts, at their best their nuanced ones, where if one character is clearly in the wrong they have a reason, and if both are right both are also a bit wrong, versus the original where it’d be scrooge or the boys grabbing the asshole ball at times (Not always mind you but when they did it was insufferable. 

However they don’t have time to argue as the bridge goes out and Glomgold finds donald.. and another way around as a result and gets to the treasure first. Scrooge notices they have donald but once again Dewey charges in 

“Unhand my uncle” “No” “Okay wasn’t prepared for that”

Naturally both sides are a bit livid, Donald for dragging his boys into danger after being part of the reason his sister is on the moon right now, and Scrooge for working with one of his greatest eneimies.. though Scrooge has less ground to stand on because as Donald points out “I can’t keep track of ALL of your sworn enemies” I mean he has lived like .. 200 years. That’s a long enemies list and Glomgold, while the most persistent, isn’t exactly the most dangerous they probably encountered. Given the guy’s an artist with Bombs and Sharks that does say a lot about how badass Scrooge is.. and how incompitent glomgold usually is. He’s just having an on day today I guess. 

Glomgold naturally holds Donald hostage, takes what is suppsidley the jewel and leaves them to drown to death, hitting a wall to let it start leaking. HIs minons run into the rest of the heroes and a fight breaks out while naturally Donald, after even more naturally getting his ass stuck in a hole, literally, rails out at Scrooge for doing this telling him “I knew I couldn’t trust you and” “This is the spear of selene all over again”

Scrooge’s only response is “I was not responsible for the Spear of Selene!”

Dude you still paid for the rocket. While Della shoulders most of the blame, SHE choose to take an untested rocket, SHE choose not to come back during the turbulence YOU still built it and hid it from donald and didn’t make sure she couldn’t just take off in it. Your both to blame. And as I mentioned earlier to the least extent but still an extent, so was Donald telling his grown, adult sister whose as stubborn as she is what she could and couldn’t do. He had the right idea and was the only person trying to be an adult here in this situation.. but he still took the wrong approach with stopping her. Still he got far more ground to stand on than Scrooge, who also took his nephews out. Dewey stops both by pointing out that while yes Scrooge took them on an adventure he’s been doing NTOHING but keeping him safe and most of it was his fault which disarms donald a bit. Though Dewey is quickly distracted.. but for once by an obersvation: the gem glowing above thaem that glowed when they entered... and since the city got flipped turned upside down.. THAT’S the real jewel. Dewey asks Donald ot let it flood so they can get it and begs his uncle to trust him despite his doubts which he does. They get it and everyone’s okay and even more when they reunite with the others they find they’ve handily beaten them. To me this is where donalds walls go down a bit: he realizes he’s been smothering the kids, and that while he may hate his uncle for good reason... he’s not going to make the same mistake with them and while he lied.. Don probably realized if Scrooge had been honest Donald would never have let them go. He can trust him.. and he can trust his kids will be alright without him. 

So Glomgold naturally leaves his minions to die, but our heroes manage to make it to the sub, and Gabby asks if they can bum a ride. Not wanting to do any murders they agree. On the surface Glomgold is showing off his jewel, only for Scrooge to upstage him second’s later with the real jewel, and point out his is “nice but defintly cursed”... and right on cue Glomgold gets dragged off with an octopus and let’s off his first “Curse you mcduck!”. Scrooge offers clean water and power thorugh it, for a price because of course he does, and has offically made his grand comeback. 

We get back to Webby’s subplot, as she’s confronted by Beakly.. who naturally being a former spy easily figured it out immieditely but is only upset her grandaughter lied to her. And even at that she dosen’t raise her voice or anything about the matter, knowing it’d only make her feel worse and getting that her grandaughter needs to see the world and that much like donald, she walled her up to prevent loosing what little she had left. And since being with Scrooge is safe as with her, she can go with him anytime just tell her first kay? They hug. Awwww. 

Donald likewise apologizes, admitting that whatever has passed, he misjudged his uncle here and while not forgiving him yet, is at least willing to let him back into his life and into the boys.. on holidays and stuff at least. But fate forces his hand.. or rather his 10 year old nephew-son having left the engine on and neither having turned it off, meaning his boat goes boom and is in no liveable condition. But Scrooge has the space in his heart and mansion for them.

So as we close the kids help move the artifacts all around the house instead of just the garage while Launchapd drops the boat. While clearing out Dewey notices the painting from earlier.. and finds part of it was flipped over...

“Mom?!” 

Now keep in mind, while nowadays Della’s inclusion in the show is one of the most famous and treasured parts of the show.. back then this was a fucking shock. Disney never really cared about the boys mother and outside of one comics story never really went into what happened. So the fact she was not only an actual important part of the plot but we’d find out was a HUGE wham moment and left my jaw dropped after seeing the episode. Like I would with the finales I had read no spoilers and had no idea this was coming but damn was it a huge and welcome suprise and how far they’d take it and how much they’d flesh her out was an even bigger one. Easily one of the best big reveals i’ve ever seen. The only better one I can think of from this series itself... is the end of season 2. But that’s for another time. 

Final Thoughts on Woo-Ooo!:

This two parter/hour long special.. is still one of the episodes best and easily one of the best pilots. It does slow down a bit in pacing in the second half, but otherwise is just an immaculate , beautiful pilot movie that introduces and fleshes out all 8 main characters, maybe Launchpad the least but enough to still work, gives us some big mysteries to work out, and even throws in Glomgold’s first apperance. It sets the tone, reverent and adventuerous but also with it’s own weird and wacky sense of humor and world building, and universe perfectly. I .. don’t have much else to say really it’s just THAT good and really worth checking out. If you somehow haven’t seen it go watch it and if you haven’t seen it in a while might be worth a rewatch before the finale. The absolutely perfect start to an amazing ride. 

Next on the Della Arc: Dewey and Webby try to figure out where Della is while Louie learns a valuable life lesson and  pisses off a killer robot along the way.

Next on the Blog: Amphibia Season 2 is back! 

Until then if you liked this review follow for more and if you could please support me on patreon. Even a buck a month helps and juicy stretch goals give you na incentive to contirbute. We’re 5 bucks away from 20 dollars a month which means a review of super ducktales and a Darkwing Duck review EVERY. MONTH. So contribute now! Until the next rainbow it’s been a pleasure. 

[and-it-freezes-me]

AUgust Day 3 - Angels/Demons

Content: fire, unhealthy studying methods

Words: 6,469

Logan.

Logan.

Logan, hey, Logan.

Logan! Logan Logan Logan Logan Logan.

Logan ignored the nagging voice and pulled one of the books in front of him closer, squinting at the out-of-focus words on the front. (He had misplaced his glasses some hours ago, but the headache throbbing at his temples was not about to cost him the last few hours of revision before his final exam).

‘Advanced Flight Techniques’ - not what he was looking for. Why was this one still on his desk? The practical flight exam had been nearly two months ago (Logan was not going to pretend that he hadn’t been disappointed with his Upper Merit grade, particularly when Roman, of all people, had obtained an Upper Distinction. It was as though their instructors valued flash and flutter above safe navigation between air flows!) and the theoretical one two days before (he was confident that he had aced that one, at least, having spent the entire free weekend he had before it studying).

Logan! Logan Logan Logan, hey, hey, hey hey hey hey hey Logan hey-

The flight book joined the pile of reference materials for exams past - a pile that had grown larger each day for the last four weeks as their cohort studied for and sat the tests that would mark the end of their school career. Patton had commented that it was astonishing how many books they had gone through over the last seven years, and that he didn’t even remember ever owning most of them, let alone reading them.

The next book that met his hands was ‘Halo Care and Management; Book 4’. Even Logan agreed that six whole books on looking after their Halos had felt a little excessive - but who could have guessed that there was so much to it? Some Halos were much more fragile than others, and treating them in the wrong way could result in cracking or worse; some Halos could be directly affected by their owner’s moods, while others were more likely to tarnish or glow brighter based on the owner’s thoughts or actions. With practice, one could identify a Halo - and its owner’s disposition - from just a few signs.

Logan could well remember the afternoon in their fourth year when Patton’s Halo had started wobbling, and wouldn’t still until he had wrapped his roommate in more blankets than he had thought he owned (it turned out that Patton bought a new one every time he went into town and stored them all under his bed with some sort of compaction miracle), and sent a message to Roman and Virgil to bring as many cookies as they could steal from the kitchen. Patton’s Halo had wobbled harder than ever when Logan had mentioned the stealing to him, and whilst Logan’s had been rock steady, he had followed up with a message that asking politely would probably be a better idea.

(Virgil, he knew, would have no problem with stealing: he was of slightly more Demonic descent than the rest of them, or maybe he was just as much Angel as the rest of them but didn’t hold himself to the nearly the same archaic Angelic standards as Patton and Roman did.) (Logan didn’t hold himself to any standards. He did what seemed to be the right thing to do, and he didn’t have time for regrets or indecision.) (Academic standards didn’t count here, not when the discussion was morals).

The four of them had settled into the pillow fort to groom Patton’s wings until his Halo stilled, and they had spent the rest of the afternoon that Logan had originally scheduled for cloudball practice in the academy’s orchard getting Logan to put to use what they had learned in their module that term and point out the identifying features in one their Halos.

Most people couldn’t see the true colours and patterns in Halos - only a lucky few Divine could.

When they had arrived at their academy in their first year, a small team of head Scholars had inspected everyone’s Halos in turn, taking note of archetypes and subtypes and informing them each of their classes.

Roman had been identified almost immediately as a Warrior, with a strong aptitude for both Avenger and Shield (one of the most highly respected Warrior subtypes, those whose greatest strength lay in and was drawn from the protection of others). It was a source of constant pride and embarrassment for him, and by the time Logan had finished pointing out the warm, reddish hue of the glowing ring floating above his scarlet hair, the heat that always seemed to emanate from it, and the way it seemed to pulse in time with his heartbeat when he was passionate or angry, he was blushing crimson. Logan had wanted to talk about the way its edges occasionally seemed to flatten out and become almost shiny, but Roman had already turned so red at the description he had given that Virgil had commented that he would probably burst a blood vessel if they made him blush any harder.

Patton had been next. It was no surprise to anybody that met him that Patton’s talents lay most strongly along the path of a Guardian - a Guide, to be more precise. Logan had leaned in to study his pale blue Halo, peered carefully at a few of its green freckles (it was very, very rude to touch another Divine’s Halo without explicit consent, and even then it was a very intimate thing), and described the way the inside of the glowing ring seemed almost fluffy. A Guide, he had agreed, and with the clear potential to be a very, very good one.

Of course, they hadn’t needed Patton’s Halo to tell them that.

Logan! Logan! Hey, Logan!

Virgil was also best suited to become a Guardian - the head Scholars had announced him likely to become a Protector or a Ferryman. His Halo was a pale blue-ish purple colour, trembled faintly when he was stressed or afraid, and curled ever so slightly at the edges. Just from those, he could have been a Sage, but Logan had seen the way his Halo grew brighter when they were in danger (or just in the dark), and the way he always seemed to know when there was something to worry about, even if he couldn’t say what it was. It was a difficult call to make, and Logan understood why Virgil had spent longer with the Scholars on his first day than anybody else. It was difficult to decide whether Virgil felt more like a Sage or a Guardian even having known him for years, and Logan had no idea how their instructors had made the choice in only half an hour.

Logan was a Sage. On his first day, the Scholars had told him that he had the potential to become the next Archdivine if he applied himself. He had never told the others this - he had told them he had the strongest aptitude toward the Scholar’s path - and it wasn’t as though they could look at his Halo to correct him. Logan was the only one out of the four of them able to see more than just a glowing, off-white ring without a scryer.

In fact, he was the only one in their year group, and they were fairly certain that there was only one other person in the school that could do the same thing.

He couldn’t see his own Halo in reflections, only what was supposedly the regular white-gold loop.

Logan!

Logan, dear, I think Roman is trying to get your attention.

That was Patton, and Logan pressed his face into his hands and groaned. As though he wasn’t aware of that, with the way Roman had been badgering him for the past hour!

I’m revising, Patton. You all know this.

Ah - there was the book he had been looking for. ‘The Writing of the Luciferous Accords’ - one of their final year textbooks for history, covering the series of diplomatic meetings and treaties written to finally end the centuries-long Divine War and bring peace between Angels and Demons. Lucifer, of course, had been long dead by the time they had been produced - which was probably the only reason they had been able to agree to reach a peaceful agreement.

In the six hundred odd years since then, the line between Angel and Demon had blurred, and although some people could still point out clear lineage (there was a student in the year below them with very small horns protruding from just behind his ears, and another in the year below that with lamb’s hooves) most of them were just Divine.

The two sides of the war had, after all, both been arguing the same point: that they had to protect and guide the humans scattered over the planet below them. They had just been coming at the matter from very different viewpoints. It didn’t make sense to fight when they all wanted the same thing, especially when they had a true enemy in the Empty Horde.

Now, young Divines studied for several long years in the Academy before graduation, whereupon they took up apprenticeship with an older Divine of their chosen path. They didn’t have to take the job their archetype suggested: if he wanted, Roman could choose to become a Sage Healer, for example.

He wouldn’t. Very few Divine strayed from what was universally seen as their Star-given calling. It was frowned upon, too: a purpose gifted to them by the ancestors, and some wished to squander it?

And Logan had his final exam tomorrow morning, one that would determine his final ranking, one that would determine whether he would be able to apprentice to the current Archdivine, who never took apprentices but the head Scholar in the academy promised would be interested if Logan proved himself worthy; or whether he would apprentice to one of the upper Scholars, Mages, or Healers. Or, if he did badly - his stomach jolted at the thought - whether he would get a good apprenticeship at all.

You can’t just pass messages through Patton, Specs! Pay attention to ME!

Logan’s headache throbbed dully as he flipped to the orange flashcard about a third of the way through his textbook. Red meant that he hadn’t looked at a topic at all since they had studied it in class - none of the three textbooks left on his desk held any red. Orange meant that he wasn’t sure on the topic and needed to go through it a few times. There was a small scattering of orange flashcards in this book and both of the others. Yellow meant that it might have slipped his mind and he’d need to work on something again; green was for subjects he felt properly confident on. The vast majority of the cards sticking out from between the pages of his books were yellow. There were only a few greens.

Well, the more time he spent focusing on everything that he needed to do, the less time he spent actually doing it. Logan couldn’t afford to waste time like this.

Logan! Specs! Logan Specs Specs Specs Logan!

Letting out a huff of irritation, Logan massaged his temples, forcing down the urge to throw his Halo at the wall. It wouldn’t stop Roman’s constant messaging, and it probably wouldn’t make him feel better - it would just leave a hole in the wall that he would have to fix later.

It was seven at night. He had been sitting here since three, gradually filling out revision tables and making notes of important names and dates, with a ten minute break around five to grab a cereal bar.

Half satisfied with his notes for this page, Logan flipped through the book until he came across the next orange marker, and started writing again.

His exam was in fourteen hours. Logan would need to arrive an hour before that, so that he could register on time and make sure he was in place before it began. He was functioning on about three hours of sleep a night at the moment, aided by copious amounts of caffeine - and he’d need to stop to grab something to eat both as breakfast and dinner. Adding on toilet breaks… That gave him about eight hours and forty-five minutes more revision to do.

Hey hey hey! Logan! Logan! Specs! Hey!

Logan, dude, Princey’s trying to-

I know he’s trying to get my attention, Virgil. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a lot to get done this evening.

Sorry, man. Was just…

He could feel the hurt in Virgil’s message, but pushed it aside. He didn’t have time to feel guilty just then, not with the clock ticking down as quickly as it was. Virgil knew how much these exams mattered to him, knew how stressed he was about the question he had been unable to answer in their Human Care Paper 3 the previous day (“For 2 marks, name and describe strongest and weakest muscles in the human body.”) and how the essay they had had to write for their second Miracle Use paper had been no good at all, how none of his spells had seemed as powerful in the practical exam as they had in the practice rooms, how-

Logan took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. He was catastrophizing, the pressure he was under distorting his mindset and allowing him work himself into a panic, and that wasn’t going to help at all.

When he glanced down at the flashcard in front of him, he saw with frustration that he had managed to smudge it; dark ink stained his fingers, and his cramped notes were illegible. Tearing the card in half, he dropped it into the near overflowing bin to his left and pulled another from the pile. Eight hours and thirty-seven minutes. Maybe he could cut back on sleep tonight, stretch his revision up to nine hours and seven, maybe even nine and a half…

The window blew open, bringing with it the giggles and shouts of the third year students in the courtyard outside.

Becoming a final year student had brought with it the perks of having his own room and access to the seventh year common room, which was complete with multiple vending machines and a coffee maker that Logan used to the point of excess - but it also meant that his room overlooked one of the courtyards on the way out of the Academy, giving him a first row view to the students flowing in and out of the town.

He waited for a few minutes, but the laughing students seemed to have no intention of moving on. Actually, they seemed to get even louder - were they having a party out there? Sure, the lower year groups may have finished their exams already, but-

THUNK.

It took Logan a few seconds to realise that the sound had been a ball the size of a large watermelon bouncing off of the wall just outside. Cursing under his breath, he made his way over to his open window to see six younger Divines hovering roughly on a level with his room, spaced out above the courtyard, wings fluttering as they threw the blue ball to one another. A shout of laughter left the one nearest him as they almost dropped it; the next corner of the hexagon said something that Logan couldn’t quite catch, and then they were all howling with laughter as the ball was thrown again, and again, and then-

Logan had acted on instinct as the ball rocketed toward his face, jerking a hand upward to protect himself from an impact that never came. Instead, he heard yells of protest. When he opened his eyes, he saw that the blurry shape of the ball had frozen half a metre away.

Oh - and it had burst into flames. Within seconds, the bright orange fire had burned itself away, and the ashes of what had moments before been the main focus of the six younger students now staring at him in horror.

“Well?” He snapped, knowing full well that it wasn’t entirely fair to take out all of his frustration on the kids and not quite having the brainpower left to stop himself. “Get out of here. Some of us are trying to work!”

The courtyard was clear within seconds.

Slamming the window closed (and noting the way a large crack appeared in one of the glass panes), Logan returned to his desk, massaging his temples. He should feel guilty about the way he had treated those students - Patton would probably have had a heart attack - but he didn’t have the time. The hours were ticking down toward his final exam, and as he leaned down to squint at the thick print in his textbook and uncapped the lid on his pen, it suddenly occurred to Logan that his last few weeks of exams hadn’t gone nearly as well as he had hoped. Of course he had thought they had gone well at the time: he had had Patton’s relentless optimism right by his side as he left each one, Roman’s general good humour, even Virgil’s relief that it was over - and he had had Patton’s usual difficulty with getting the letters to sit still on a page, Roman’s inability to sit still for long periods of time without getting distracted, and Virgil’s constant worrying that he had failed to make him feel better about his own papers. It was uncharitable, he knew - it was downright cruel, to make himself happier about the exams with the knowledge that none of his friends would have done nearly as well as he did.

But now that he thought about it… Patton probably worked harder than most anybody else - he would have done well. Roman may not be able to focus on one task for long, but he had gotten used to switching between questions every couple of minutes and then coming back to them, the same way he revised - he probably did very well. Just like in his flight exam. And Virgil - Virgil’s constant anxiety over failing a class probably meant that he studied effectively and never slipped on his timings or terminology.

Logan obviously wasn’t doing enough. He was going to fall behind, he was going to fail, and not only would he let down himself and his friends and professors and everybody that had ever relied on him, he would let down the Stars themselves. They were the ones that had given him his Halo, after all; they were the ones that had given him his future, had given him the potential to become the Archdivine, had given him everything that he would throw away when he failed.

Logan, stop ignoring me! I need to -

A little busy, Roman.

Logan! Specs, I-

Logan ignored him, flicking rapidly through his textbook once more before leaning down to start filling out another flashcard.

This was okay. He could do this. He just had to get into the rhythm of studying again. Flipping over the flashcard, he adjusted his grip on his pen and started working.

Logan! Specs!

Vaguely, Logan wondered what was so important that Roman had to bug him about it for the last two hours, even after he had been informed that Logan had plenty to do and then been ignored.

Whatever it was, it could wait until after their exam tomorrow.

Another page, another flashcard. Then another. Then moving onto the next textbook, finding the pages marked orange. Flashcard. Pen to paper. Flip the card. Pen to paper.

Flashcard.

Flashcard.

Flashcard.

Flash-

Navy blue ink splattered across the messy array of notes in front of him, drenching page 628 of “Pre-Divide Battles Against The Nothings: 1000 PD - 500 PD - A Summary” and coating his hands and the front of his pale green robes.

“Gabriel’s toenails!” Logan stared at the mess for a long second, then started swearing again. “Moloch’s armpits - Raphael’s saggy left testicle, fuck!” There was ink dripping from the pages of his history textbook as though the book were bleeding, its essence staining notes and desk and Logan’s hands as he scrambled to rescue as much as he could, profanities still slipping from his lips.

That had been weeks worth of revision materials that he had just destroyed. His other two textbooks were both open, and whilst neither of them had been directly in the explosion zone, spatters of blue still stained their pages. When he looked down at his pen - he had thrown it down when it had burst, and it was sitting in the middle of the pool of blue liquid - Logan saw that it had been bent almost into a right angle before snapping.

He must have been holding it too tightly.

With a frustrated growl, the Divine swept the mess of soggy, ruined notes, flashcards, revision posters, and pen into the wastepaper bin, and then turned to the door. He needed to wash his hands.

Specs, Specs, Specs, do you know how long-

Logan’s headache pulsed, and he lifted a hand to rub at his temples, smearing blue across his cheek.

As he slammed the door to his room, the wastepaper bin burst into orange flames.

-

There was a ringing in his ears.

Logan hadn’t noticed it until he turned off the tap, having washed as much ink as he could from his hands. Although the water had been running clear for the last five minutes, he had kept scrubbing them, because the ink was refusing to leave his skin, but he had eventually given up. It was more important that he got back to his desk to make the most of the last however many hours it was before his exam.

Without the sound of water gushing from the faucet, the bathrooms were completely silent - other than an unnatural, high-pitched ringing that seemed to be coming from all around, broken occasionally by Roman still trying to get his attention in his head. The sound didn’t diminish as he walked the length of the tiled room, or stuck his head out of the door, and it took Logan only a few minutes to conclude that the noise was only in his head.

Concerning. But he could deal with that later.

Where was everybody? What time was it? Logan looked down to find that his eyes were too blurry to read the time on his watch from this distance; bringing his wrist right up to his face, he discovered that it was nine at night. The library wouldn’t close for another half an hour. It would make sense if most people on this corridor were there, or else holed up in their rooms as he had been. With a sigh, he jerked a hand through his hair and stared at his fuzzy reflection in the mirror for a few seconds. He looked… Fine, probably. Maybe a little tired. He couldn’t be sure.

Well, that was acceptable, manageable. He’d get plenty of sleep after his exam tomorrow. There would be more than enough time to get back into a healthier routine later.

Logan gave himself a few more seconds to stare blankly at his reflection, then turned to leave the bathroom.

“Oh, hey. How’s it going, Lo?” It was Virgil. Even without his glasses, the dark hoodie and glow of lilac above his head were distinctive. “Did you know you’ve got ink on your face?”

“Of course I do,” Logan snapped, then regretted it when the other male shrank back. With a sigh, he smoothed the irritation from his face, and then tried again. “I apologise, Virgil. I am merely… Somewhat stressed about our final examination in eleven and a half hours.”

There was a couple of seconds of silence, during which Logan tried very hard to avoid the piercing look his friend was giving him. Finally, he could bear it no longer and cleared his throat, stepping to the side to go around him. “Well. I have lots of work to be getting on with. Good evening, V-”

“Dude.” Virgil’s hand was on his shoulder, and Logan fought the sudden urge to throw it off. “You look exhausted, and you’re talking on double-speed. Maybe you should take a b-”

“Don’t tell me to take a break, Virgil.” It took a lot of work to keep his voice calm, especially when the shorter Divine took a step closer to him, concern settling into his features.

“I’m serious. You’ve been practically avoiding all of us for almost a week now. Roman says you’ve been ignoring him and he’s been trying to talk to you for hours. Patton said you were too busy to make cookies with him on the weekend. Have you eaten anything more substantial than a cereal bar in the last three-”

“Stop it.” Oh - oh, he hadn’t meant to shout that. His head throbbed angrily at the sudden noise, and Logan went to push his glasses up his nose only to find that they weren’t there. Virgil was suddenly two metres away from him, staring at him as though expecting to be struck, and weak, watery guilt rose in Logan’s throat again. The hand that had been hovering around his face passed quickly through his hair, jerking a few of the dark strands out in his irritation, and Virgil’s dark form flickered back another few metres. He’d been practicing, Logan noted vaguely. When they’d first met, Virgil’s fight-or-flight instincts would frequently result in him accidentally jumping several buildings away.

Taking a deep breath, he lowered his hand, closed his eyes, and tried to fix it. “Virgil, I - I apologise. I allowed my nerves to get the better of me, and I should not have done so when you were only attempting to check on my wellbeing.”

Virgil shook his head jerkily, orange light casting his face into dancing shadow. “‘S fine. I gotta-” He gestured vaguely over his shoulder, then vanished as the ringing in Logan’s ears grew louder.

Left staring at the space his friend had just been occupying, Logan swore quietly to himself again. He shouldn’t have done that. He should be more in control than that. What had come over him, to make him -

Logan, sweetie, I know you’re stressed at the moment, but you need to get a grip on the fir-

LOGAN, what in the name of Beezlebub’s fly-filled nostril did you-

Clapping his hands over his ears did nothing to silence Patton’s concerned words or Roman’s sudden tirade, but Logan pretended it helped as he made his way back to his room. When he glanced back down the corridor before opening his door, it was to see that the bathroom door had been replaced with a small pile of ashes, still glowing an unnatural orange.

Fuck.

No matter. He could miracle up a replacement door as soon as he got back after tomorrow’s assessment - Logan knew he was leading his class in miracles, and it wouldn’t take long to come up with the right sigils to twist the passage of time back on itself, or conjure a new door from nothing, or… Or maybe somebody else would fix it before he got the opportunity. The chances were that someone would complain about a lack of a door and maintenance would be along to clean up soon. He could wait until after History tomorrow, and if the door was still missing, he could fix it before anybody else noticed.

It was three hours before Logan managed to replace the majority of his ink-soiled notes, and another two before he finally felt that he was getting back into the rhythm of revising. His replacement notes were messy; by half four that morning, his handwriting had become uneven, barely legible chickenscratches rather than his regular uniform script, his eyelids were almost too heavy to keep open, and he wasn’t sure whether the buzzing that had joined the clear ringing in his ears was Roman and Patton trying to get his attention or just a symptom of his exhaustion. His desk lamp had been hurting his tired eyes, so he had turned it off some hours ago and continued to work by the dim light the waning moon cast through the cracked panes of his dorm window.

A yawn stretched his jaw as Logan flipped a few pages of his textbook - “An Account Of The Role Of The Empty Horde In The Divide” - before reaching for a fresh pack of flashcards. Pain sparked through his fingers as he stretched them, the joints unused to moving from their cramped grip on his pen. The Divine let out a low groan.

Logan covered his face with his hands, pressing gently against his closed eyes with the heels of his palms. His eyes hurt. His head hurt. His hands hurt. How long had it been since he had gotten a full night of sleep? More than a fortnight, certainly. He had forgone his usual two-hourly coffee runs to make the most of what little time he had left to study, and was feeling the lack of caffeine keenly. Taking a deep breath, Logan went through his schedule in his head one more time.

Nine o’clock: exam.

Half past eight: arrive for exam.

That was in four hours’ time.

Three hours and forty-five minutes, actually.

Twenty past eight: leave for exam.

Eight: brush teeth, change into a less rumpled shirt, make sure he had a spare pen - no, two, just in case.

If he went to sleep now, he could manage just over three hours. That might be nice.

Logan shook his head sharply, winced as the ringing intensified briefly, and then reached forward for “An Account Of The Role Of The Empty Horde In The Formation Of The Luciferous Accords” and flipped it open, mentally cursing the E. Bouchard responsible for the two large books currently occupying a significant portion of his deskspace. He knew it wasn’t really the Divine’s fault - he had just been a Scholar doing his job, after all, and if he weren’t about to be assessed on the Empty Horde then Logan would have been thrilled to flick through his accounts - but his was the first name upon which Logan’s irritation alighted.

“Focus,” he scolded himself, and pushed a fresh ink cartridge into his pen. Blue smeared over the next flashcard he reached for.

“In the year 1206 PD, the first of what became later known as the Four Empty Raids was launched against the then Angelic stronghold of Naplauma…”

Logan blinked hard. It was taking longer and longer for the blurry shapes on the thick pages to form words.

“...far from the first raid launched against the Divines by the Empty Horde, it was the first to see such great loss of…”

Every new word seemed to make his head throb, seemed to heighten the pitch of the ringing.

“...show that the first Nothing scouts appeared on the fourth day of March in that year, although it was not until…”

His nose was practically touching the page. When he pushed himself upright, he left a blue handprint on his desk.

“...against the Divines by the Empty Horde, it was the first to see such great loss of resources, territory, and life. Early records show that…”

He’d read this before. Logan squinted at the page, watching the fuzzy black shapes wobble in the dim light. Where was he? He turned the page.

“...assumed to be yet another minor assault. This assumption was proven false when first messenger doves and then Angel messengers were shot from the skies, isolating… ...With no help forthcoming… ...cover of darkness… ...suppressing miraculous communications… ...level of cunning…”

Logan’s eyes slid closed, and his head sank toward the table.

-

“...not like him...”

A murmur. Logan groaned quietly and squeezed his eyes more tightly shut against the light.

“...alright?”

“Patton, he’s not answering, just let me-”

“We can’t just barge in there! If Lo doesn’t want to see us-”

“He’s hurt, or something, Pat! I told you something felt off last night, and now he’s hurt and we should have done something sooner!”

“We should at least go to Protector Asche and ask for the key! We shouldn’t just-”

“Roman! You can feel it too, right? Open the-”

They weren’t going away. Did they have to be so loud? Even Virgil’s usually subdued voice was cutting through ringing, and Roman’s brash tone was making his head throb again.

“Virgil, I know you’re worried, but charging in there isn’t going to help anything. Take a deep breath, okay, and-”

“He warded his room against me, Pat! Roman, please!”

Slowly, Logan pushed himself upright, wincing at the ache in his wings and back from having slept slumped over his desk. Where were his glasses? Everything was fuzzy.

“Virgil’s right, Pat. Nerdy Gabriel needs a knight in shining armour, not a washed out Protector. Stand back.”

There was something stuck to his cheek. Logan pawed at it, discovered that it was a flashcard, blue and black ink bleeding over anything it might have previously said.

A flashcard…

“You’re not seriously about to-”

Logan was out of his seat in a heartbeat, and across the room in another, paper and pens scattering behind him. The crash of his desk being knocked over was drowned out by the sound of his door slamming against the wall as he threw it open.

“What time is it?!”

“Logan!”

“You’re not dead!”

“Is that ink?”

“The time!”

Three faces were turned toward him. Virgil was paler than Logan had ever seen him; Patton’s round, dark features were wide with concern; Roman looked closer to panic than the easygoing Warrior had any right to be. He was standing against the opposite wall in a sprinter’s crouch, looking for all the world as though he were about to try to break the door down with his body.

“Logan, bud, maybe you should-”

“Time!” Logan snapped again, and heard a crackling from somewhere behind him.

Virgil swallowed hard. “One twenty-seven. Afternoon.”

Logan blinked.

“We would have come woken you sooner, Lo, we really-” Virgil was cut off by Patton’s hand on his shoulder, and he swallowed hard as the shorter Divine stepped forward.

“Logan, sweetie? Can you-”

There was a dull roar, and Patton fell silent. Logan didn’t need to glance behind him: he could see the flames crackling merrily around his desk reflected in Patton’s large, round glasses.

Roman’s startled swearing and Virgil’s yelp faded into the background.

He had… He had fallen asleep.

He had fallen asleep and missed his exam.

He had fallen asleep and slept through the exam that was going to decide his final grade, and missing the exam was going to go on his record - it was going to drag his marks down far enough that he would never be able to apprentice to a competent Scholar or Mage, let alone the Archdivine - in one moment of weakness, he had managed to ruin the future the Stars had left open for him, he had managed to let down -

He couldn’t just let this happen.

Surely, if he went to the Academy Mistress, she’d understand. He hadn’t meant to miss the assessment. He just had to explain himself, maybe they would let him retake it. He had spent the last seven years working as hard as he could, and-

There was a hand on his arm. Logan hadn’t realised that he’d started walking, and now one of Roman’s hands was squeezing his arm, stopping from getting any further down the corridor. “Let me go.”

“Logan, stop. Just for a moment! You can- Gabriel’s tits!” The smell of burning hair filled the corridor, and Roman’s hand left his arm in favour of beating out the orange flames that had burst into life in his long, red hair.

“Logan!” The curtain of water that washed over the four of them was forceful enough that Logan had to struggle to keep his footing. He looked up to see that Patton looked torn between concern and anger, a glowing glyph fading out of existence before him. “Logan, please! You’re exhausted, you just need to sit down and think things through, alright? We can discuss this together. We’re here for you…”

Virgil must have been worried about him: despite the unsettled expression on his face, he appeared right in Logan’s path when he tried to walk away again. “Lo, bud. Please. We’ll apply to the Mistress, she’ll-”

But would she? Would she really? Punctuality and timekeeping were essential in miracle-working, as were integrity and honor - sleeping through an exam and then trying to excuse that away would count against him almost worse than had he set the exam hall on fire.

“Look at me!” Roman was in front of him again, hands on his shoulders, his dripping, scarlet wings puffed out behind him. “Look at me and tell me how this is helping! Everything’s going to be just-”

“This is your fault.”

Roman looked as though Logan had just slapped him. “W-what?”

“This is your fault!” Logan repeated, voice rising into a shout. “You couldn’t leave me alone, could you?! You just had to bug me -” He tilted his head, and this time when he spoke it was Roman’s voice that left his lips, words falling like curses in the orange-lit hallway. “Logan, Logan, Logan, Specs, Specs, ooh, look at me, I’m far more important than anything you could possibly be doing, don’t worry about anything important, come and slack off with me and- ”

“Stop it!” Virgil’s voice was shrill, the lilac of his Halo burning into Logan’s eyes as he dispelled the mimicry. “Stop! This isn’t Roman’s-”

“Oh, is it yours, then? With your-” This time it was Virgil’s voice that left his lips, low, rich - and yet somehow mocking and cold. Logan wasn’t sure how he was doing it: he hadn’t sketched a glyph, hadn’t cast a miracle. “Take a break, bud, calm down and eat something, we miss you, you shouldn’t-”

A second wave rushed over them, and Logan stumbled backward as steam hissed into the air around him. Then Patton was advancing as though he were a startled hound, the fingers of his outstretched hand trembling. “I know you’re stressed, Lo, but that’s no reason to take it out on-”

“You DON’T!” The words were a howl, ripped from his chest as he clapped his hands over his ears. “You don’t know - you don’t know anything! You have no idea how much pressure I’m -”

“Logan-”

“Logan, your Halo-”

“SHUT UP! Just shut up, all of-”

There was the clear, brittle sound of a window breaking, and a jolt of pure, white-hot pain arced through his body.

Logan’s legs collapsed underneath him as his Halo shattered into a hundred shimmering pieces, and silence fell.

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE: How 86 EIGHTY-SIX's Uses Chronology to Perfect the Art of Adaptation

  The very first thing we see in 86 EIGHTY-SIX  is a train track. Our heroes, long-serving soldier Shinei “Undertaker” Nouzen and his Spearhead Squadron, race along it toward the horizon in their insectile Juggernaut vehicles. Beyond that horizon is the all-consuming fire of the front. It’s a classic metaphor: In the Republic of San Magnolia, war is a one-stop ride to hell and death. The future of the Spearhead Squadron was determined long ago.

  But 86 EIGHTY-SIX is not just the story of Undertaker. It’s also the story of Lena “Handler One” Mirize, a promising young strategist with deep reservations about the war her country is running. A war in which the minority populace of the Republic of San Magnolia are used as disposable cannon fodder. Lena is allowed to have these reservations publicly because of her family’s connections. She has not yet internalized that her own scruples do nothing for the soldiers under her command and that the good, honest war she wants is not possible under the corrupt institutions that run San Magnolia. The Spearhead Squadron, put under her command, understands this intimately.

  86 EIGHTY-SIX is a tale of two train tracks running parallel: thwarted idealism on one side, cruel violence on the other. This is already a serviceable set-up for a war story.  After all, the original 86 EIGHTY-SIX novels were popular enough in themselves to score an anime adapted by rising director Toshimasa Ishii. All they had to do was to follow these two tracks, side by side, to their inevitable climax.

  Instead, Ishii and his staff took a risk.

    In the third episode of 86 EIGHTY-SIX, Lena speaks over a remote connection to Undertaker and his posse in the mess. We see that the Spearhead Squadron doesn’t quite know what to make of their commander; she’s nicer than some, but the way she pretends to understand them despite operating from an outrageously privileged position of power makes them uncomfortable. Bitter soldier Laughing Fox grits his teeth in the corner. Others joke about the cat that hangs around the mess, who every member of the squad has given a different name. 

  In the second half of the episode, we see Lena’s side of the story. Unlike the warm communal space of the Spearhead Squadron, she lives within a sterile glass palace of small luxuries. We see the ways in which Handler One is frustrated by every interaction she has with her peers, none of them troubled by the societal contradictions that agitate her daily. Then she calls up the Spearhead Squadron, and suddenly we find ourselves in the middle of the conversation that Undertaker and his teammates had with her earlier. We see her laugh about their cat with many names. 

  Without clearly marking the cut, the 86 EIGHTY-SIX anime stakes out a chronological separation between the first and second half of the episode. Lena and the Spearhead Squadron do not simply live in different worlds, separated by systems of color and class. They live in different timelines. The parallel train tracks of the 86 EIGHTY-SIX anime are asynchronous. Lena does her part to understand the Spearhead Squadron (by drawing their cat on a piece of notebook paper). The Spearhead Squadron try to understand Lena (by drawing her as a pig dressed as a princess). But is the cat Lena draws the real cat? Is the pig the Spearhead Squadron draws really Lena?

    The 86 EIGHTY-SIX novels do not do this. They do cut between Handler One and the horrors of the front, but save for a flash-forward prologue, they are structured in chronological order. This lends itself to a smooth reading experience. By contrast, the staff of 86 EIGHTY-SIX continuously find new and exciting ways to break up that smooth narrative experience to better convey how constant stress and exposure to violence fractures time. Scenes jump cut unceremoniously from one locale to another. At other times, key details are left out, only to be filled in later. Warmly depicted sequences of characters bonding outdoors transition without warning into intense battles, because to live as a member of the 86 is to be in constant proximity to death.

  The majority of anime these days are produced systematically. Take a popular manga, produce storyboards that roughly follow the source material, and then animate them. Novels give a bit more leeway, but diverging too far from the text can be dangerous. Just a few years ago, the staff behind the ambitious project Boogiepop and Others ended up in hot water when the original novel’s illustrator expressed disapproval regarding the new character designs. Fans can also be hard to please. To produce work that not merely replicates, but adapts source material can be a risky choice. 

    Toshimasa Ishii and his crew are not just replicating the story — they are adapting for the screen. The way in which time has been used in 86 EIGHTY-SIX to brutalize, to heighten suspense, to strengthen the walls separating members of the cast, is a technique unique to film. When reading a novel, the reader determines when and how time advances. They may read as fast or as slow as they like. But the length and pace of an episode of 86 EIGHTY-SIX is determined from the start, in the same way a train track is laid. Other changes are made, as well — a key scene in episode four is relocated in such a way that further fleshes out the setting. In a sequence that sold me permanently on Ishii’s approach to this show, a shooting star in the third episode of the series is bookended by Lena’s flying tear caught on the surface of a vase.

  Despite how it has been changed in adaptation, 86 EIGHTY-SIX remains 86 EIGHTY-SIX. It’s an adaptation of a popular light novel that pits teenagers in scrappy machines against autonomous drones. As someone who doesn’t read a lot of light novels and finds Undertaker’s stupendous victories with substandard equipment a bit improbable, I found myself drawn into the series despite myself. It’s a show made with intentionality that wants the viewer to pay attention to its framing and ask questions. How does the time difference between Lena and Undertaker’s storylines underscore the difference between their social classes? What does the series accomplish by telling us in advance a character will die, rather than hide that death as a shocking twist as the source material does? What might happen if these two tracks ever connect? I hope someone out there is watching and taking notes.

    Are you watching 86 EIGHTY-SIX? Are you a fan of the light novel? Will Shinei ever finish reading his copy of All Quiet on the Western Front? Let us know in the comments!

      Adam W is a Features Writer at Crunchyroll. When he is not trying to figure out what other books Shinei keeps in his war fiction library, he sporadically contributes with a loose coalition of friends to a blog called Isn't it Electrifying?You can find him on Twitter at: @wendeego

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: Adam Wescott

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

has there ever been a series where you read the manga and also watched the anime but didn’t like the anime as much as the manga?

There have actually been a couple, yeah, but it’s worth mentioning that a fair amount of these are stuff I read or watched multiple years ago, and if I were to reread or rewatch them my opinions might not be the same.

I’ve only read and watched Death Note once each, but I recall liking the manga a little bit more. In being such a text heavy story I felt like the manga letting me choose my own pace gave it a sort of better flow than what the anime had. I recall enjoying the manga’s ending a bit more too, there’s like some timeskip where a Kira cult still remains and worships him and I think that’s pretty cool and really believable, given the massive impact he had on the world I think it makes sense that some people would be into it as a religion, it wouldn’t just blow over like I remember being the case in the anime.

I honestly prefer One Punch Man’s manga to its anime, entirely because of the artwork. The OPM manga is probably the best looking manga I’ve ever seen, the artwork is jawdropping. Everything from the backgrounds to the characters to the shading to the panelling is absolutely phenomenal, and I also think Saitama looks even funnier in the manga specifically because he’s generally drawn and particularly coloured in so much less detail than the rest, it’s really great. One Punch Man season 1 is just straight sakuga for its entire run time so between that and the manga it’s hard to pick, but season 2 looks like shit and the manga fucking obliterates it, though I’d still say I prefer the manga to season 1 as well honestly.

Like 6 years ago I read the first 13 volumes of the Blue Exorcist manga, and I recall not liking the anime nearly as much. It does that sort of harsh divergence from the source material for its own original ending thing and I didn’t think that last arc was good at all. Now granted I believe the second season adapts the stuff that was cut from the manga, so it’s like you watch 19 episodes of season 1, then season 2, then go back and finish season 1, and maybe season 2′s great but I’ve not seen it so.

I’ve also read 13 volumes of Black Butler and I don’t know if I should count this because I don’t think I’ve seen an entire episode of the anime, I’ve just seen clips in passing from like when my brother watched it or something, but I feel like I remember disliking the dub cast (this was when I watched dubs whenever possible) and thinking the anime artwork was ugly, so I guess I prefer the manga there too.

Another one I have no idea if I should count is Dragon Ball, because I absolutely adore the manga, and what I have seen of the anime seems to be worse, that 4 hour Frieza fight as well as comparisons of TFS’ sped up fights against their original lengths suggests that the anime fucking drags, but I’ve not actually seen it. Or rather, I’ve seen many full episodes, but I don’t know how many, I couldn’t really tell you which episodes, and that was all just me watching what my little brother was watching. So if I ever were to actually watch all of Dragon Ball it’s possible I would actually like the anime more.

Last would definitely be Koe no Katachi. The anime benefits greatly from voice acting, music, colour and motion, and in all technical elements I’d call it a way better product, the manga doesn’t even look that good to be honest. However, what was cut from the narrative hurts the story quite a lot. In particular, entire characters like Mashiba are barely even characters, and a lot of the sort of friendship building scenes, like the film-making stuff, are cut out, so with all that stuff gone the film has a bit less to say and the bridge fallout scene is significantly less impactful. And then there’s also what happens while Shouya is comatose, in the film it’s a pretty dream sequence that amounts to him waking up, but in the manga it’s the Shouko chapters, where we actually see her go and try mend the broken relationships, and the actual Shouko chapter too where there are dialogue boxes with no dialogue in them, which is a pretty fucking awesome way to convey deafness, and the loss of those chapters hurts the movie as well, less characterisation for its main cast and the pacing in the latter half of the movie feels fairly rushed in comparison to its manga counterpart too. So yeah, Koe no Katachi is a better manga than an anime imo. If the movie were 2 movies, or maybe 2 long OVAs, or fuck even a TV anime since it’s KyoAni and the visuals really wouldn’t suffer much, I think they could have given the manga a fuller adaptation and it would’ve been better, but we didn’t get that so.

And then that’s it.

[wearesorcerer]

For the d&d meme: 2 and 3

YAY! AN ASK! (Ahem.)

|| 2.) Your favorite character that someone else has played. ||

This one is kinda hard. Not counting Collectivists (it’s Moxie) or one’s I’ve not witnessed in play, I’ma have to say Mikey.

Mikey was a friend’s bareknuckle boxer Fighter (because this was 3.5 and he was taking after his Bard father, who wasn’t Lawful). The character was woefully suboptimal, but did an excellent job of becoming one of the two hearts of our fairly large party (the other was the idiot halfling rogue/sorcerer; long story) and got lucky in fights for quite a while, so we all naturally gravitated towards the character’s generic charisma (no, I have no idea what his actual stat was).

Unfortunately for us, he got coup de graced on a side quest we were doing because half of the players couldn’t attend a session and the DM decided to have us investigate goblins or orcs or something. The chieftain knocked him unconscious, then took the opportunity to cleave him in twain. T_T

|| 3.) Your favorite side quest. ||

I don’t actually have a favorite, so instead I’m going to tell you about the most memorable. Same campaign. This one overtook the main plot. Be warned: it’s long. It’s also why I don’t care for side quests.

This was our DM’s first time running a homemade campaign and his second time DMing ever (the first was the semester before, when he ran the module The Standing Stone; it ended in a hilarious near-TPK). We started in a tavern (like you do) not knowing each other (like you do). Thanks to the halfling’s backstory, we all got drawn into a barroom brawl against a local criminal. That pretty much formed our party and got us hired to investigate a cult of Nerull that had taken up in a nearby abandoned temple (of Pelor, IIRC).

During the boss fight against a couple of higher-up cultists (I forget how many, but one had swords or something), one of the enemy casters decided that it would be a good idea to place a necrotic cyst on the halfling.

There are EVER so many reasons why this was a terrible idea.

Necrotic cyst is a 2nd-level spell from Libris Mortis (pg. 68) on the Cleric and Sorcerer/Wizard lists (meaning we’re fighting 3rd- to 4th-level casters). On a successful melee touch (spell) attack, the target has to make a Fort (Con) save; failure means they get implanted with the eponymous cyst. Depending on where they were touched, they might not even know they bear it. The cyst does two things:

Makes the target more susceptible to necromantic stuff. -2 on saves against Necromancy spells and effects, but also +1d6 damage from the natural weapons of undead.

Enables the use of other spells. There are nine other necrotic spells in Libris Mortis which rely on existing cysts. This was the main problem.

Before I get into why those other spells were the main problem, I need to explain a few things about the metagame.

The DM was a touch...conservative, shall we say, with what he would and would not allow source-wise. Despite this, he had a penchant for picking up the latest splatbooks (non-setting specific and Eberron) and taking material from them. As a player, he mostly played Fighters and was not (at that time) big on mages; thus, he didn’t have a good grasp of what spells were and were not especially powerful based on (sometimes foreseeable) consequences.

The halfling was intended to be a dual-wand wielding sneak-a-sniper, so went Rogue/Sorcerer. Because of what this build required, he put many of his early levels into Sorcerer instead of Rogue when we needed a party Rogue, yet somehow managed not to cast much of anything. In the end, he was terrible at literally everything except lying.

Naturally, the enemy caster succeeded at planting the cyst on the halfling. I’m not sure why the caster felt the halfling (not just a halfling, but a halfling child) was the best choice for harboring a cyst that’s designed to screw with the enemy long-term and we had plenty of other party members who could have served for such a host, but whatever. The halfling failed his save and BAM! We’re in trouble.

Like I said, necrotic cyst enables nine other spells -- almost like a Cleric domain, as the others span 1st through 9th levels (no cantrips). However, they all require the caster to possess a “mother cyst” (a flavorful feat tax; eh).

The 1st-level spell is yet another detect something spell, but it only detects necrotic cysts. Meh, but it means that we can’t go anywhere near these cultists without them knowing we’re there.

It was probably the 3rd-level spell, necrotic bloat, that was the reason we felt the need to get rid of the cyst in the first place: the caster deals Level x d6 damage (so 5d6 to 6d6) to the target and half of that damage is “Vile” (horribly evil, can only be healed within the area of a consecrate or hallow spell).

I say this because we were never told (or I forgot if we were told; this was 14ish years ago) why the halfling was reduced to something like 1 HP, but the halfling was basically out of commission entirely as we struggled to figure out what we could do.

That was months of out-of-game time.

First, we turned to my character’s mother, a Dwarven Cleric; she was unable to do much, sadly.

Then we heard about an enclave of elven druids who might be able to remove the cyst. They were on the other side of the mountains, so it would be a long journey to get to them and it wasn’t assured that they could (or would) help us.

So we journeyed.

And were constantly waylaid by undead. Lots of undead. Lots of weird undead. (The DM had fun dragging up monsters from Monster Manual III, which I’d written off at that point. He did this largely because I had, but slightly because he had a hard-on for Eberron shit.)

We did manage to get to the enclave of elves and had them remove the cyst. The halfling’s player felt like they got to do basically nothing the entire time, another player switched out characters twice (one was boring due to how he made it, the other died; the third one developed mysanthropy [became a wererat] resulting in awesomeness), a third player spot rotated at least three times, and we had traded the quite fun Mikey for the Paladin no one liked, so we were not having fun.

It was after the enclave that we (well, I) realized something: we were being scryed upon. Our DM finally told us about necrotic scrying.

As it turns out, the 2nd-level cyst spell functions almost identically to scrying, but only on subjects with necrotic cysts (it also has a few other, largely meaningless drawbacks). Scrying is a monster of a spell, which is why it’s a 4th level spell by default on the Druid and Sorcerer/Wizard spell lists (that’s 7th class level for the prepared casters and 8th for Sorcerers); Clerics treat it as a 5th-level spell (10th class level), Bards as 3rd (because they maxed at 6th-level spells in 3.x, so they got it at the same time as Wizards). A caster with scrying can manipulate events from far, far away with little effort; it’s the spell for a BBEG for many campaigns. Making it a 2nd-level spell just makes it scarier.

It was at this point that I yelled at the DM:

If you give a continent-spanning cult of evil an easy means of scrying, you’ve given its upper echelons full access to the ACTUAL spell.

The ordinary spell scrying relies on familiarity; it’s one of the few instances of sympathetic magic in the game. By enabling someone an easier way to scry on one character and putting that someone into a large organization in a low-rung position, you’ve given the higher-ups a means of seeing the rest of the party and thus the ability to scry on them through normal means.

Meaning that the cyst became obsolete not long after the first casting of necrotic scrying.

Meaning the undead continued to bother us every night (and somehow never get seen on watches) even after we got the cyst removed.

The next step was to look up a means of blocking scrying. Our other caster having left the party long, long ago (player went to grad school) and our halfling being utterly useless, we had to track down a magic item to shield us from scrying.

So the DM made us negotiate with a dragon to get one out of its hoard.

The dragon could have easily killed us, for the record. It was astonishing that we were able to get the thing at all. Somehow, we got some like two other items, one of which was a cape of the mountebank...

...that the halfling promptly stole that night while everyone slept and used to abandon the party.

It was only after this point that we managed to get back to the main plot. We had been playing for a little over a year, may have been at fifth level at that point (it might have taken longer), and had next to no magic items (other than the anti-scrying device and maybe something else we got from the hoard). We got maybe two sessions after that before getting TPKed.

[loretranscripts]

Lore Episode 130: In Plain Sight (Transcript) - 25th November 2019

tw: none

Disclaimer: This transcript is entirely non-profit and fan-made. All credit for this content goes to Aaron Mahnke, creator of Lore podcast. It is by a fan, for fans, and meant to make the content of the podcast more accessible to all. Also, there may be mistakes, despite rigorous re-reading on my part. Feel free to point them out, but please be nice!

In early winter of 1822, Captain Samuel Barrett Edes became a hero. He was sailing in the south-east Pacific when he and his crew encountered a Dutch ship that was in trouble. Edes managed to save every single one of the Dutch soldiers, and then headed for the city of Batavia, known today as Jakarta, to drop them off and see if a reward could be collected. While he waited, he did some shopping. Now, Edes wasn’t rich by any stretch of the imagination, but he owned a small portion of the ship he sailed and of course, he was expecting a handsome reward for his heroic efforts. With this in mind, he kept an eye open for something unusual and conversation-worthy to take home, and that’s when he saw it. It was a mummified mermaid. It was over two feet long, had the curved tail one might find on a fish, but the upper body of something much more human in shape. It was brown from the preservation process, wrinkled with age and entirely addictive to look at, and Captain Edes knew instantly that he had to own it. In late January of 1822, he did something bold. He sold the ship he did not fully own and used the proceeds to buy the mermaid. Then he found transportation back to London and put the odd creature on display, because just about everyone who saw it believed that it was real.

Of course, there were those who could see through the hoax. Captain Edes had been fooled by a clever craftsman who had sewn the torso of an orangutan onto the lower half of a large salmon. Elements were added to the face and hands to give it a more humanlike appearance, but those with training in natural science and anatomy could spot the hidden clues that gave it all away. That didn’t matter to most people, though. The idea that mermaids could be real had been around for centuries, so when something as powerful as a mummified specimen floated into their world, they were blind to its flaws and impossibility. They wanted to believe, deep down inside, that the hybrids of folklore actually existed. Today, we know a lot more about our world than we used to, but if we were to go back in time and live through a less learned age, we would be amazed at the stories that await us, tales of creatures that sit at the very edge of our imagination, living things that defy logic, and monsters that inspire wonder. Our hearts want to believe while our minds are ready to move on. Instead, what we tend to feel is a mixture of deep curiosity and primal fear, and if the tales from the past are any indication, there’s a good reason why. I’m Aaron Mahnke, and this is Lore.

 When we talk about the natural world, the very first thing we need to do is gain some perspective. Today, we live in a technologically rich society. We carry supercomputers in our pockets that are more powerful than the ones that sent the first humans to the moon. We can walk past an intriguing part of our neighbourhood, pull out our phones and look at a satellite map or do a search for more information. We’re still hungry people, curious and drawn to unanswered questions, but rather than starving in a house with little food, we feast each day on a never-ending buffet of answers and information. Today, if you want to know something, chances are good you can learn about it in an instant, but hundreds of years ago, that was an impossibility. Not that people didn’t try, though. 2000 years ago, a Roman named Gaius Plinius Secundus attempted to gather everything knowable into one place, and he did an admirable job considering the world he lived in. Gaius was born into a wealthy Roman family in the year 24AD and followed a path of privilege all the way to the top. He was well educated, well connected, and when he entered the Roman military, he quickly rose to the second highest level possible – the equestrian order. Once out of the military, he served as a lawyer, before being assigned various governorships around the empire, and towards the end of his life, he had the privilege to serve as advisor to two different emperors. Today, we know him as Pliny the Elder, but in his day, Gaius was a success story.

Looking back, his biggest legacy was his 37 volume collection of knowledge called Natural History. It was possibly the world’s first encyclopaedia, gathering everything known about a whole array of subjects, from farming and botany to geography and anthropology, but the most influential contribution, filling up volumes seven through 11, were his writings on zoology, the study of all living creatures. But here’s the thing – Pliny the Elder, like everyone else in his society, lacked the proper tools to dig deep and apply hard science to every creature he wrote about. He also lacked the ability to travel and see each animal he described, so he relied heavily on others, like Aristotle’s Historia Animalium and the writings of Eratosthenes and Hipparchus, and that meant his collection was less than perfect. How so? Well, his work on zoology included such amazing animals as dragons, mermen, and even something called a blemmyae, a race of hairy, human-like beings who literally had no head on their shoulders, with eyes and a mouth right in the middle of their chest. Pliny was thorough, for sure, but not very discerning with his source material.

But what his work did do was give birth to something a lot of people have heard of, a type of book known as a bestiary. It took a while for their availability to spread, but by the early middle ages, bestiaries were a common enough resource. They were, at the basic level, books about known animals, typically with colourful drawings to help the reader visualise the specific details of each entry, and over the centuries, some editions became more popular than others. One of the most famous is the Aberdeen Bestiary, an illuminated manuscript that dates back to the 12th century. Aside from being a beautiful example of medieval artwork – and I mean that, you should seriously do an internet search for sample pages – the Aberdeen Bestiary is also a powerful example of just how popular these books really were. It’s filled with images of all sorts of animals, along with rocks, fish, trees and even worms, and a lot of the entries in the manuscript include notes about the nature of the thing in question, making it a valuable reference tool for any budding naturalist. But these bestiaries did more than that – they inspired the popular culture of their day.

England’s King John, who reigned from 1177 to 1216 was said to have a copy of Pliny the Elder’s Natural History in his personal collection, and John’s son and successor, King Henry III, even used images from it to decorate one of the chambers at Westminster. As their popularity spread, more and more writers got in on the tradition. The Norman poet Philip de Thaun wrote a bestiary about a generation after William the Conqueror invaded England, and it became a gift for King Henry II’s wife, Eleanor of Aquitaine. Even Leonardo da Vinci made one. It seems if you were an intelligent person in the middle ages or the Renaissance, making your own bestiary was practically a rite of passage – and let’s be honest, colourful manuscripts filled with unbelievable creatures and animals that defied logic couldn’t not be popular. Humans have this innate desire to look at curious things. We’ve always been rubberneckers, straining to take a long, hard look at things that sit outside our normal experience, and the spread of bestiaries is proof of that. But those ancient books and manuscripts also teach us something else about ourselves. Human beings are creative creatures. When faced with a mysterious gap in our knowledge, we’re more likely to invent something to plug the hole than to leave the question unanswered – and what we’ve come up with is equal parts entertaining and downright terrifying.

 I mentioned earlier how the internet and the accessibility of powerful devices has given us an edge over our predecessors, and in a lot of ways that’s true. Yes, we have access to a huge majority of our collective knowledge, but not all of it. In fact, there are still things we don’t know. For example, scientists today believe that there are roughly 8.7 million animal species on this planet, and yet 86% of the ones that would live on land still haven’t been discovered or studied, and it’s even worse inside our oceans, where over 90% of life is still a mystery to us. We know a lot, yes, but our world is massive and diverse, and that makes the learning process slow and tedious. Some animals are also a bit harder to track down, they’re less abundant or more shy, and so it’s made studying them more of a challenge. A good example is the platypus. For a very long time, scientists thought the descriptions of it were nothing more than a hoax. I mean, it was rumoured in 1799 to be a hybrid of a duck and a water rat, part mammal and part bird, with venomous spurs that could kill a dog, and while we’ve learnt more about them over the years, the platypus is still an allusive creature. A recent documentarian was able to get what he considered to be a goldmine of actual footage of the animal, amounting to about 30 seconds, and when only half a minute of film is something to celebrate, you know the animal is hard to study.

Of course, while we’re searching for new species, the ones we do know about are slowly dying off, which doesn’t help. Some estimates place the number of species on the edge of extinction at around 20,000, and more get added to that list all the time. For the medieval writers of bestiaries, this would be their worst nightmare. All those creatures belong in their books, and yet they keep slipping away. But at the same time, not being able to see an animal never really stopped those ancient writers from including it in their catalogue of life on earth. In fact, there are a lot of entries that would cause most people to scratch their heads, because while, yes, we’ve grown in our understanding of the world around us, these bestiaries serve as a time capsule of our gullibility. As far back as Pliny the Elder’s collection on natural history, we can see those less believable creatures pop up. He once wrote that thousands of sea-nymphs known as neriads had washed up on the shores of what is modern day France, and that they looked just like the nymphs of the land, except that they were covered in fish scales. He also wrote about that fiery bird of legend known as the phoenix, which was known to burst into flames before re-emerging from its own ashes. And of course, I’ve already mentioned his fascination with mermen and blemmyae. It seems that Pliny the Elder had an obsession with gathering all known creatures, whether or not he had witnessed them with his own eyes.

Other historians added their own contributions to those mystical lists as well, and if I ran through it for you now, it would sound like a recap of the Harry Potter series. Hippos and elephants shared the same space as hippogriffs and mandrakes. There were dragons and tritons, giants and sea monsters. Honestly, it sometimes seemed that if a young child could draw a picture of it, that was good enough to get it included. Of course, some creatures were more popular than others, and that popularity varied from culture to culture. In Europe, one of the most talked about creatures of all was also one of the smallest, but don’t let its size fool you, because there was nothing safe about the basilisk. Our old friend, Pliny the Elder, wrote about it 2000 years ago, describing it as a serpent with legs that was no larger than a foot in length. But what it lacked in size, it more than made up for with attitude and special features. A basilisk was said to stand tall on its back legs and had a crown-like plume on top of its head. And they were dangerous, too – according to the stories, basilisks were so poisonous that even looking at them could get you killed. Other creatures avoided the like the plague, and wherever they chose to make their nests, the plant life would die and wither away. One description I read said that if a man on horseback stabbed the basilisk with a spear, the poison was so powerful that it could climb up the spear, kill the man, and then kill the horse as well.

Of course, when something is that powerful and deadly, it eventually becomes the centrepiece of tales of valour. It’s said that Alexander the Great once killed a basilisk, and like many of the other legends about him, he did it in a way that proved not just his might but also his intelligence. It’s said that he polished his shield until it was like a mirror, and then approached the creature holding it outward. When the basilisk saw its own reflection, it fell victim to its poisonous gaze and instantly dropped dead. We can find images of the basilisk in just about every bestiary in existence, most of which look like a cross between a snake and a rooster. There’s a statue of one in Vienna, commemorating an 11th century hunt, and there’s even a church in Sweden with a carved relief showing St. Michael stabbing one with a spear. So popular was this creature that people sold powders that they claimed to be ground-up basilisk, something that most people purchased for use in alchemy, but more than a few used as an antidote to poison. Everywhere you look through the middle ages and earlier, the basilisk is waiting to rear its poisonous little head. You can see society’s attraction to it in their folklore and superstition, a mixture of fear and fascination, of wonder and disgust. For centuries, it popped up in stories whispered all around Europe, like a well-loved character in a popular book series. But if one account is any indication, it might not be a work of fiction after all.

 The people of Warsaw had a problem on their hands. They were two decades into a new political structure known as the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth, and while it gave a lot of freedom to the wealthy and elite, it left the lower class in a constant state of fear and oppression. Life in the city was challenging for many people, but that was the new normal. In 1587, though, something happened to put the people of Warsaw on edge. Livestock in the area around an old, ruined building had begun to turn up dead. Even a few of the neighbouring residents had been found poisoned in their beds, washing over the community with a wave of grief and loss. And in the midst of all that confusion and pain, two of the neighbourhood children disappeared. Well, disappeared might not be the right word for it. Folks had seen the two young girls playing near the ruins, they had watched them laugh and skip and revel in the freedom and joy that came with childhood, most likely muttering quiet prayers that it would last as long as possible. The neighbours knew what sort of hard life awaited those girls once they were old enough to work and carry their own weight. Their joy must have been bittersweet.

And then someone watched them step inside the ruins. That was the first reason to worry. Folks avoided the ruins for a good reason – it was dark and dangerous, and the cellar beneath it had been a den for all sorts of animals. So, whoever it was that watched them disappear into the shadows most likely headed over to warn the girls’ parents. When everyone arrived at the ruins to call them out, though, they were no longer visible. While there was a good chance they had simply moved on to a new playground, someone decided to peer inside the dark cellar, and there, laying on the broken stone floor, were the sleeping forms of both girls. So, one of the older women stepped inside to wake them. A moment later, though, she collapsed into a heap beside the girls, sending the growing crowd into a panic. They didn’t know what was causing the people inside the cellar to lose consciousness, but they knew there was something dangerous about the dark space, so they sent for a fire hook – a long pole with a metal hook on the end – and then reached in and pulled each body out into the light. All three of them were dead, and not just dead – they were bloated and dark, as if they’d been dead for days. Most frightening of all, though, was that their eyes seemed to be protruding from their sockets. No one could be sure, but it almost looked as if they’d been frightened to death.

Wanting answers, they sent for Benedictus, the king’s very own physician. If anyone would have the skill to identify the danger, it would be him. And, sure enough, after taking a long look at the trio of bodies, he brought them a definitive answer. All of them had been killed by a basilisk. In an instant, the atmosphere around the old ruins changed. Newcomers came to watch, while leaders gathered to form a plan. Something had to be done, and just like the stories all of them had grown up with, it seemed that a basilisk hunt was in order, but the trouble was no one wanted to risk their lives by entering the cellar to kill it – not even Benedictus, who seemed to know the most about the creature. But they had an idea. A group of leaders from the community quickly headed to the local jail, where two men awaited execution for various capital crimes. Each man was given the same offer: come kill the basilisk, and you will receive a full pardon and your freedom as a reward. It seemed like an easy choice, too – inside jail, there was no chance of survival. Outside, though, there was at least the possibility they might survive. It made sense to everyone.

The first criminal declined the offer, but the other one, a man named Johann Faurer, agreed to help. He was escorted from the jail to the old ruins, where Benedictus awaited him with tools and instructions. The townsfolk had quickly gathered dozens of small mirrors and sewn them onto a pair of leather pants and a coat. I imagine Johann gave the old physician a sideways glance at the sheer ridiculousness of it all, but at the same time, he would have known the folklore just as well as everyone else. Alexander the Great had defeated a basilisk using a mirror-like shield, so why would it not work for him? With a crowd of over 2000 witnesses watching, Johann began to carefully walk into the ruins, where he entered the cellar. He had a long rake in one hand and a torch in the other, to light his way, and as soon as he stepped into the darkness below, he cried out that he could see it – a long, serpent-like tail, with a head that resembled that of a rooster, right down to the crown-like plumage. Benedictus called out instructions to the man. “Grab it with the rake,” he told him, “and then carry it out here into the light.” Johann shouted back that he understood, and the entire crowd began to shift and rumble. If a basilisk was going to be dragged out of the ruins, no one wanted to be around to see it, so they all ran for cover and hid their eyes. When Johann emerged, he held the writhing creature by the neck in one of his gloved hands. They daylight somehow made it weaker, and that gave Benedictus the courage to step closer and examine it. It looked exactly like the bestiaries of old had taught him – the body of a snake, four long legs and a head that looks very much like a rooster.

But sadly, this is where the account of the basilisk hunt ends. Whoever had been recording the events had most likely been in the crowd, and when Johann had begun to emerge from the cellar, they had followed the crowd into hiding, which leaves the ending a bit of a mystery. Who killed the creature, when all was said and done, and how did they do it, knowing the risks the old legends spoke of? What we do know is this: the Warsaw basilisk hunt of 1587 was the last time the creature was reported anywhere in Europe. Maybe it had been the last of its kind, and its death marked its extinction, or perhaps the few that survived had a knack for staying out of sight – like the platypus of Australia. Either way, all that was left from that moment on were legends and stories. Like so many creatures that have once walked the earth, the basilisk – if it was ever real to begin with – has slipped into the shadows of the past, and it’s never been seen again.

 There really is something delightful about the bestiaries of old. Their colourful pages and evocative descriptions were beyond sensational. In a world without television, radio or easily accessible works of fiction, those catalogues of natural history were the closest most people could get to travelling the world. Of course, the things most authors chose to include in their bestiaries would probably never make the cut in our modern times. After all, headless tribesmen with eyes on their chests, unicorns and sea nymphs all feel more like characters in a fantasy novel than entries in a study on the world’s flora and fauna. And yet some of those expectations have been broken over the years. For centuries, sailors told stories about the kraken, enormous sea creatures that could reach out and drag an entire ship underwater with its long tentacles. King Sverre of Norway recorded its description way back in 1180, and for hundreds of years people claimed to spot them in the waters of the ocean. Then, in 1853, the carcass of a giant squid washed up on a Danish beach, giving the legend new life. Over the century and a half since then, scientists have determined that there is indeed a giant sea creature that fits the ancient descriptions – give or take a few sinking ships, of course – and while they’ve been challenging to catch on film, we now know they exist. And those mermaids of old might have roots in actual animals as well. Many scientists and scholars now believe that old reports of mermaids could very well be mistaken sightings of an aquatic mammal known as the manatee. As is so often the case, our misunderstandings had given birth to frightening legends, only to have science bring a bit of clarity to the tale. Sometimes the monsters of the ancient world turn out to be real, and sometimes legends inspire new discoveries.

In the part of the world that stretches from Mexico to South America, scientists have been familiar for over a century with a lizard from the iguana family. It’s not the largest reptile around, but it can grow to around 2ft in length, and it can run at amazing speeds. Some scientists refer to it as the Jesus Christ Lizard because of its strange ability to run across the surface of water. But its most common name is based on other features, like its tendency to run on two legs and its serpent-like body – a body that’s topped with a head and plumes reminiscent of a crown or a rooster, which is why its name is both logical and a bit of a throwback. They call it the basilisk.

 There’s something enticing about the mysteries that fill the gaps in our knowledge of the world around us. Looking back at the bestiaries of the middle ages, its clear humans have had a lot of fun filling those holes, and the creativity of the past has continued to inspire stories today. But there’s one more creature I want to tell you about. Stick around after this brief sponsor break to learn all about it.

[Sponsor break from Bombas, Casper and Fracture]

They had fallen in love, and it was something that would change their destiny forever. At least, that’s how the legend tells it. Long ago, a young man lived on a small island surrounded by deep blue seas, and in the process of hunting one day, he encountered a beautiful young woman. But the hunter quickly learned that there was more to her than he could see with his eyes. The woman, it turns out, was a fairy. In fact, she was well known to the locals there, who referred to her as the Dragon Princess. Despite their differences – him, a normal human being, and her, a magical fairy – the two of them fell in love and were soon married, and that helps this tale become on of those happily ever after stories that we all love so much. The couple went on to have twins, a boy and a girl, and just like their parents, they were an odd pair. The boy was just like his father, a human with no magical powers of his own, while the girl took after her mother, and because of that, both parents decided that the children should be raised in separate places to help them fully become who they were meant to be.

According to the legend, it was many years later when the son was out hunting, just as his father had taught him. He was creeping through the forest, his spear balanced in one hand, when he spotted a deer. He quickly threw the weapon, which found its target, and a heartbeat later the young man was carefully making his way over to collect his prize, and that’s when the dragon stepped out of the trees. It was enormous and frightening, and it clearly wanted to take the deer that he had just killed. The young hunter spoke to it, begging it to leave his future meal alone, but the creature ignored him and proceeded to move toward the deer, so he lifted another spear and got ready to take aim at the dragon. Suddenly, a figure stepped out of the shadows of the forest and stopped him. It was his mother, the fairy princess, who he had not seen since his childhood, and as she approached him, she spoke a word of warning. “Do not throw that spear”, she told him, “for that is no ordinary dragon. That is your sister.” Instead, she taught him to live in harmony with his sister, and according to the legend, that fateful meeting set the destiny of their entire community on a new path. Even today, if you were to visit the place where they lived, the people there would tell you that they are descended from dragons, illustrating how that harmony has continued.

And of course, this story is just one of many tales about dragons that fill the pages of folklore. In fact, most of us would be hard pressed to find a creature mentioned more often than those magical beasts, from the 11th century legend of King George and the Dragon to the fantasy novels and television shows of our modern world. They really do seem to be the king of monsters. Dragons are also one of those nearly universal creatures. It seems just about every culture around the world has had some version of them in their folklore. The ancient Egyptian god of chaos was Apophis, represented as a giant serpent. The Babylonians had their own god of chaos called Tiemat, and in Arcadian mythology there were not one but three dragons on display. Norse mythology features a giant serpent who gnaws at the roots of the world tree. In Ukrainian folklore, there is a dragon with three heads, while images of dragons can be found all over medieval heraldry. And of course, few cultures on earth hold as tightly to their dragon mythology as the Chinese, who have been decorating objects with images of the creature at least as far back as the Neolithic period, and we could speculate why, I’m sure. It doesn’t take a lot of imagination to see how the accidental discovery of dinosaur bones might spark fear and wonder in the minds of humans thousands of years ago. The places where stories of dragons are most common are also places where such fossils have been uncovered, so it does make sense.

So, when Europeans arrived on an island in the Flores Sea, just south of Indonesia, they probably didn’t think twice about the local stories about dragons. In fact, those tales were probably a bit old hat, as they say. Dragons lived in caves, breathed fire, were vicious killers and could fly when necessary – nothing about all of that was new. What was new, though, were the things they saw there. On an island surrounded by deep, blue sea, an island full of people who believed they were descended from dragons, mind you, they discovered a creature that brought all of their legends to life. It lived in the caves along the shore, it was an enormous killer, and it sometimes even followed its prey up into the trees. It ticked all the boxes. These were 300lb serpent-like monsters that could bring down a half-tonne water buffalo. When they licked the air with their bright red tongue, it looked as if they were spitting fire, and they even dug into the graves of the dead looking for treasure. Of course, that treasure was always food, not gold. And they’re still there, crawling across the sandy beaches of the island, living in harmony, more or less, with the people who still call the place their home. They might not have wings or piles of golden treasure to curl up on, but they are the largest lizard on earth, measuring in at over 10ft in length, and they’re deadly. Sometimes the tales of the past stay shrouded in mystery, and other times we manage to crack the riddle and shed new light on the shadows that once frightened us. This living, flesh and blood dragon seems to offer a fresh answer to an ancient question, however incomplete it might be, but at least we now know that there really is one place in the world where that old cartographer warning is actually true: Here, on Komodo Island at least, there be dragons.

[Closing Statements]

[missnmikaelson-main]

The Forgotten Chapter 2

Catch up on Chapter 1 if you missed it here.

Elena shifted from one foot to the other, eyeing the busy street. There were people everywhere which she found strange, given the hour. She had reset her watch to the correct time with Kol’s help so a glance at her wrist that it was nearing three in the morning.

“Does this city ever sleep?” She leaned back from the gate until she was concealed in the cemetery shadows. A shiver raced down her spine, but sheer will power kept her from trembling; she had dressed for a mild afternoon in late autumn with a light winter coat, not for a freezing winter night.

“The city was built around the supernatural,” Astrid stepped into the light that poured through the gates from a nearby lamppost. There were shadows under her heavy eyes. “Witches, vampires, and werewolves conduct most of their business at night.”

“Embracing the cliché,” Elena exhaled. She glanced back through the gates, crossing her arms.

“What’s a cliché?” Mary Alice frowned. “It sounds French.”

Elena wished that she had her cell phone – and that it worked – so she could look up common phrases for the year. She was going to have to watch everything she said so she didn’t draw unwanted attention to herself, but these three knew she was not from their time.

“A cliché is what we call something that’s overused like uh…” Elena’s eyes narrowed as she thought. “Vampires sleep in coffins, or all witches have warts. It could also refer to a phrase like ‘only time will tell’, or ‘actions speak louder than words’.”

Mary Alice nodded once before running her eyes over Elena from head to toe and motioning to the street.

“You are going to stick out like a sore thumb.”

A giggle bubbled up in her throat. She caught their questioning looks and swallowed her laughter.

“Sorry,” she cleared her throat, “another cliché, but,” she looked down at her clothes, “right in this case.”

“You’ll need proper clothes if you’re going to blend in and remain off of Klaus’ ‘radar’,” Mary Alice ran her eyes over Elena again. Her mouth twisted around the unfamiliar word. “I understood your meaning, but I’m afraid the word is unknown to me. What is radar?”

“It’s a radio system used to detect ships, and airplanes and other stuff,” she explained, waving her hand in a small circle close to her body, “by sending out pulses of electromagnetic waves that reflect back off the object to the source of the pulse. It was developed during the Second World War, but where I’m from we use ‘radar’ to talk about avoiding someone’s attention; like right now I need to avoid everyone’s radar.”

“I’ve a way to avoid detection,” Kol slipped his heavy coat off, draping it over Elena’s shoulders. His hand lingered on her arm for a moment longer than necessary.

“I don’t think a coat is going to help,” Astrid clicked her tongue.

“Of course it won’t,” he released a deep sigh, “the coat is because she is freezing.” His eyes flickered over her pale features and lips that were nearly blue.

Elena shifted on her heels to follow the retreat of his hand and the warmth that came from his body heat; she had been certain her discomfort was well hidden.

“Thank you,” she cleared her throat. She caught a look from Mary Alice and took a small step away from him. “What’s your plan, Kol?”

Somewhere in the back of her mind she registered the fact that she was meant to wait for leave before calling someone by their given name, but he hadn’t corrected her once over the last few hours, and besides if he was going to call her ‘darling’ and ‘love’ and ‘Elena’ then she would call him ‘Kol’.

“Do you suffer from motion sickness, darling?”

Elena shook her head. “I’ll be fine.”

“Good,” he turned towards the witches, “until tomorrow evening, ladies.”

Elena knew it was coming but she still gasped when he swept her up with an arm behind her back and one under her knees. Her hands were around his neck instinctively. She hid her face under his jaw, squeezing her eyes shut when he moved and the wind rushed around them both.

She counted to forty-seven before the air stopped racing around her. She was used to being moved at vampire speed, but she was pretty sure he had left a few internal organs behind in the cemetery.

++++

Astrid bent at the waist and picked up the silver coin that had fallen from Elena’s pocket when Kol had lifted her. She squinted at the fine print etched into the metal that intoned the year as 1987. She only looked up when Mary Alice whispered the question.

“Did she say ‘Second World War’?”

“That’s what I heard,” she murmured.

“When was the first?”

++++

Elena drew in a deep breath in the hopes that it would prepare her body to support her weight again and found her senses washed in his cologne. The intoxicating smell made her head swim.

“Are you alright, darling?” He placed her on her feet, steadying her with his hands on her hips. “Are you going to be ill?”

She gripped his arms, sucking in another breath; she could still smell him but the space between them meant the air she breathed cleared her head.

“I’m okay, promise,” she smiled. “I’m just cold.”

“A hot shower will do wonders,” he motioned toward the stairs. “They’re not overly common so if you need help to start it…”

Kol trailed off when he caught sight of her shaking shoulders. “What is so funny, darling?”

Elena followed him into a guest bedroom and watched him light a kerosene lamp.

“Showers are pretty common in the future,” she took off his coat and handed it over, “I should be able to work it just fine.”

“Okay,” he nodded, “I’ll fetch you something to sleep in.”

“Thank you, Kol,” she started towards the attached bathroom but paused. “Am I going to run into any of your siblings?”

“No, darling,” he smirked. “I find it’s better for family relations when I don’t live with them.”

She nodded and slipped into the bathroom. There was a closet along a wall where she found everything she would need. She set her towel on the counter and placed the toiletries in the shower before stripping down and stepping inside.

Metal pipes curved over the porcelain that curled around her body. She stared at the knobs for a few minutes until her entire body trembled before finally starting the shower.

There was a sharp hiss and a sudden spray.

She yelped. The water was cold. It began to heat up when the door burst open.

“Are you alright?”

She poked her head out from the curtain and found Kol’s concerned face a few inches from her. She swallowed and adjusted the curtain an inch so only her face was visible.

“Fine,” steam rose behind her, “the water was really cold, but it’s warming up now.”

He left once he was sure she was fine and she stepped back into the shower. Slowly the shivers stopped. The hot water was better than anything she could have imagined so she stayed under its spray until it became cold.

When she was back in the bedroom she found a neatly folded white shirt, so after drying off she located her underwear and let the shirt fall over her body. The material shifted around her knees as she slipped between the sheets.

She had the foresight to run the comb he had left through her hair before turning off the lamp, burrowing into the blankets and succumbing to sleep.

++++

His hand flew over the page leaving behind a series of symbols and complex equations. He needed to find the right balance of elements so the spell would work. The plan was ingenious, but for it to succeed everything needed to be perfect; he had never missed his magic more.

He leaned back in his chair and observed the sunlight as it danced over the back of his hand, warming the skin. Nine hundred years earlier he could have drawn on its power to fuel his own and enact his vengeance on his brother, but that was then. Nine hundred years ago he had held no ill will towards his brother.

The sound of bare feet on the stairs drew his eyes up. He could hear the heart as she drew closer to the study.

It was possible that she was the key to winning the war and creating a safe city for the future generations of magic; that was the argument he planned on giving to Mary Alice anyway. He got the strong sense that she disliked the young doppelganger, but he knew Elena could be useful. Just as he knew she was hiding something; it had not escaped his notice when she skirted around certain topics.

She was distrustful of him, but he chose to believe that she would reveal her secrets in time; it wasn’t as if she was going to vanish into thin air.

He had every intention of asking her further questions about the future, but the words flew from his head when she leaned in the door frame.

“Good morning,” she blinked, looking at him sleepily.

His heart skipped a beat. “I think you mean afternoon, darling,” he smirked.

Kol tilted his head when she bit her lower lip. He couldn’t stop his eyes from sliding down the length of her body. A dark green shirt clung to the soft curves of her torso with a few open buttons revealing the shadow between the swell of her breasts. The undershirt covered the top portion of an even darker material that wrapped around her thighs and calves before flaring open to hand over the tops of her bare feet.

He was no stranger to the female figure, but seeing the clear shape of a woman outside the context of the bedroom was a little jarring.

“Is this,” he nodded to her legs, “common attire where you come from?”

“Fairly normal,” her left eyebrow shot up, ‘it’s actually really conservative. I could have vanished in a crowd wearing this, and now I can’t go outside.”

He carefully capped his fountain pen and placed it on the table before standing up and sauntering towards her. He stopped a few inches in front of her, dragging his eyes from her painted toes to her eyes.

“If you wish to blend in,” he smirked, “you’ll do better without the trousers, darling.”

“Less than twenty-four hours and you’re already trying to get me out of my pants,” she smirked, tilting her head. A flush stained her cheeks a moment later. “I’m sorry, that was so inappropriate.”

“You need not censor your words around me, darling,” his mouth twitched up, “I know where you’ve come from, and I’m beginning to sense that whatever time it was is far more… open than this one.”

He backed up a step when she nodded and lifted a small bundle from a leather chair.

“I left this morning and stole a few things from my sister,” he placed the stack in her hands. “Why don’t you put these on and I’ll fix you a late breakfast? Then we’ll go out and get you some clothes of your own.”

“I won’t be in 1914 that long,” her forehead creased. “Why can’t I just wear these?”

“Aside from the fact that Rebekah will notice the theft?” He lowered his eyes to her hands. “The fit will be off. You are taller that her and your figure is different.”

He cleared his throat and lifted his eyes, biting down the desire he felt to tuck the loose curls behind her ears.

“Even if the dress was a perfect fit, and she was unlikely to notice we would still need to go out because you require shoes,” he cocked an eyebrow. “Don’t woman love shopping?”

“Kind of loses the appeal when it’s a necessity,” she gave him a small grin.

His heart skipped a beat.

“I’ll go and change. Will my own shoes work for now?”

“They’ll have to do,” he teased. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

++++

Elena tilted her head and examined her appearance in the fold out mirrors, starting at her feet. There was a slight curve to the low heeled shoe before the grey stockings that covered her legs. She could only see the first inch above her ankles before the bell of a violet skirt that flared out before tapering in at her waist. A gold cloth belt separated the top of the dress from the bottom. The sleeves were a sheer purple that revealed a hint of skin without baring her arms to the public.

“This doesn’t seem right,” she chewed her bottom lip. Her voice was low, but she knew Kol had no problem hearing her on the other side of the curtain.

“Are you decent, love?”

Her lips curled up in a slow smile. The first time she had uttered those words he had stepped inside and found her holding the sides of the white corset that was starting to slip. She’d had the great pleasure of watching his cheeks colour at the knowledge that she had not been speaking to him, but the attendant who had been trying to adjust the laces. He had left pretty quickly after that and then it had been her turn to blush when Valerie had whispered in her ear.

“Your husband embarrasses easily.”

She nearly chocked on her tongue. Valerie’s next words had Elena blushing.

“If you wish to truly shock him you should try the newest lingerie from Paris,” her breath was hot on Elena’s neck, “I assure you the brassiere is quite scandalous in addition to being comfortable.”

“I’m not in the market for scandal,” Elena looked down, “but you had me at comfort. I’m willing to try anything that doesn’t permanently alter the shape of my body.”

She wasn’t sure how to react to Valerie’s assumption since to her it seemed the only reasonable explanation for why he would burst into her dressing room.

“I promise all of my undergarments are covered,” she stifled her giggle when she caught Valerie’s smirk in the mirror.

“What doesn’t seem right then, darling?” He stepped into the large dressing room. His dark eyes danced over the purple dress. “You don’t like it?”

“It’s not that,” Elena met his eyes in the mirror, “it’s just so different than what I’ve seen everyone else wearing… almost everyone else,” she glanced at Valerie; her grey skirt was cut in a similar style.

“I assure you darling,” he moved closer and reached out to smooth the white collar, “everyone else lacks a sense of high fashion.”

“Flared skirts are the newest thing,” Valerie added with a grin. “I hear overseas they are calling it the war crinoline.”

Kol read the confusion in Elena’s eyes before a flicker of realization took over. He cleared his threat and turned to Valerie giving her a charming smile.

“I trust you have my wife’s measurements on file now.”

“Yes, sir,” she smiled.

“Wonderful,” he smirked, “would you be kind enough to gather everything up? She’ll need an assortment of skirts, blouses, dresses, and underthings. Would you prefer to wear this one out, darling? You do look ravishing.”

Elena managed a small nod and Kol turned his attention back to Valerie.

“All of the required accessories and shoes to match as well thank you Valerie.”

“Right away.”

Valerie left them alone and Elena turned around with her hands on her hips. The small podium and curved heels made her a few inches taller than him, so she cocked an eyebrow and look down into his laughing eyes.

“Your wife?”

“You let that one go first,” he teased. “Did you select the newest hosiery from Paris? Is it as comfortable as Valerie claimed?”

“Extremely,” she smiled.

“And scandalous?” He grinned suggestively, eyes flickering to her chest. The look was just long enough that she noticed.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” She smirked, rolling her shoulders back. “Could you help me down, I’m scared I’ll trip over the edge.”

She was hoping for a steadying hand, but he surprised her by taking her waist and lifting her from her perch. Her skirt swayed around her calves when she was on the ground.

“Where can I find Valerie?” She lowered her hands from his shoulders.

“She is packaging our purchases and sending them to the address I gave her lovely co-worker, why?”

“Because I don’t need that much stuff.”

“You should have a selection,” Kol kept his hands on her hips to stop her from racing off. “And it’s already done.”

Elena shook her head and sighed. She spoke slowly, making sure her words were perfectly chosen; the last thing she wanted to do was offend an Original.

“While that’s very kind, and generous, it’s too much. I won’t be here that long, right? I don’t need that much stuff, and I don’t want you wasting your money on me.”

“Elena,” he saw the surprise when he used her name, “I have been accumulating wealth for nine centuries with no reason to spend it, so I assure you I am not wasting anything. Now come with me.”

She let him tuck her hand into the crook of his elbow and lead her back onto the sales floor. Her features twisted into a frown when he brought her to a stop in front of a rack of heavy wool.

“Don’t argue with me on this one, darling,” he patted her hand. “It’s December and you need a coat. Which do you like?”

She wanted to argue, but as far as the coat went he had a point and her eyes were drawn to a bright red material.

“That’s a lovely choice,” he followed her gaze. Reaching out he took the jacket from the hanger and held it out so she could slide her arms in the sleeves.

Elena admired her reflection in a nearby mirror for a moment, but then shook her head.

“It’s beautiful, but too bright. Somebody might notice and recognize me.”

“It would be impossible not to notice you, darling,” he heard her heart skip a beat and smiled, “but I promise that nobody will recognize you.”

Her brows lowered in confusion.

“Look at your hand,” he murmured, coming up behind her.

She was confused but complied. Her right hand was bare, but there was a ring on her left hand with a small piece of pyrite on the band.

“As long as you wear that nobody will remember your face, except for me,” he held out his hand to reveal a matching ring. “I wouldn’t want to lose you in a crowd.”

“Mary Alice?”

“Somebody else,” he shook his head. “I have several witches in the city. The rings were spelled by Freya.”

“Oh, okay,” she nodded as if she knew who that was so supposed to be. “When did you put this on me?”

“When we walked in the store,” he smirked. “You’re not unobservant darling; you’ve just been surrounded by yards of fabric.”

++++

Elena spun the gold band around her index finger; the pyrite had long since lost the power it had once held, but she had never been able to let the trinket go. It had been the first step towards trust between them; the first time she had believed he would really hide her from Klaus.

“Okay.”

Elena pressed her lips together to hide her smirk; it was no easy feat since the person to break the silence was Caroline. She turned on her heel to face her friend.

“You gotta tell us something,” Caroline grabbed Elena’s arms. There was no need since she had stopped her quick walk down the street. “How’d you get inside that tomb? Why are your clothes so shabby? Where’d you get the ring and necklace? Who the heck is this guy?”

Elena wrapped her hands around Caroline’s elbows and met her friend’s eyes.

“Caroline, I will tell you everything, I promise,” she took a deep breath, “but first I have to go in here and talk to Marcel, okay?”

Caroline followed her nod to the building. There was an ornate ‘m’ above a curled serpent encased in a shield. She licked her lips and moved to follow, but stopped and narrowed her eyes.

“Did you just compel me?” She tilted her head.

Elena sighed and turned back around to face the blonde again.

“I may possess the ability to compel you Caroline, but I swear to you that I did not and that I never will. Do you believe me?”

“I do,” Bonnie breathed. She saw Caroline nod and glanced at Thierry before focusing on Elena. “Let’s get this done and then we can go home. Ten hours in a car should be lots of time to talk over everything.”

Elena nodded in agreement and turned to the gates. She pushed the iron open and moved inside with fire in her eyes. Thunder rumbled in the distance in time with the click of her heels.

Two dozen vampires turned to look at her when she entered with varying degrees of surprise, but only one of them registered recognition when he saw her face.

“Well, well, well,” he leaned over the balcony with his hands on the railing, “Elena Gilbert. I was starting to think I’d never see you again.”

“Clearly,” she glared up at him. “What’s this I hear about witches being attacked for their practice?”

“What’s this I hear about you compelling me boy, here?” He tilted his head towards Diego.

“Your boy attacked my friend,” Elena cocked an eyebrow. “Now Marcel,” she smiled, “I’m starting to think you’re not happy to see me.”

“You’re one of my oldest friends,” he grinned, “I’m overjoyed to see you.”

“Yet you outlawed magic despite knowing I would be waking soon through the aid of magic,” Elena stepped closer and tipped her head back. Marcel was a floor above her and wearing a cocky grin, but she didn’t feel small.

“I’ve been busy running my city,” his smile fell slightly.

“We’ve got to talk,” she rolled her shoulders back, “about the Harvest, the witches and the future of our city.”

She heard the whispers behind her between Caroline and Bonnie along with Thierry’s quiet assurance that all would be explained in due time. From the balcony another whisper stared; it was hot and angry, and directed at her friends.

“Perhaps we should talk somewhere more private,” Marcel cleared his throat.

Elena nodded, but stood her ground when he descended the stairs. She could feel the tension rolling from the courtyard in waves so thick it would have knocked a lesser person over. Her eyes flitted from unknown face to unknown face before addressing the room as a whole.

“I don’t know who you are, where you came from, or what you are doing in my home, and I get the sense that none of you know of me,” she saw a few quick nods and smiled the sweetest smile she had, “and that is fine. Right now I don’t care to know about you, and there is only one thing you need to know about me.”

Her smile morphed before their eyes into a dark expression that had every vampire with the exception of Caroline and Thierry tugging at collars that were suddenly too constricting. She pointed to her friends and spoke slowly to ensure each syllable sank in.

“If either of my friends, or my son, is harmed while I’m gone I will redecorate my home with the offenders and made Klaus Mikaelson look like a golden retriever.”

Marcel tried to speak but found his throat dry. He swallowed and tried again.

“They – uh… they don’t know who Klaus is.”

Elena’s eyes narrowed as she turned to face him.

“Let me see if I’ve got this straight? You made a gang out of infants who have never heard of the Originals, who pretty much built New Orleans from the mud.” She leaned closer and whispered in a voice that was meant to carry. “Do you call yourselves the lollipop guild?”

“I’m sure T, or one of your friends can explain,” he reached for her elbow.

“I remember the way.”

Tags: @elejahforever @elejah-wonderland @eternityunicorn @morsmornte @fandomrulesall @xanderling @kol-and-elena-fanfiction @geekofmanyforms @cry-btch

[thearkhound]

1998 Metal Gear Solid art commentary from Yoji Shinkawa (revised translation)

Source:http://web.archive.org/web/20050109031649/http://www.konamijpn.com:80/products/metalgear/art/index.html

The following is a translation of various artwork commentary by Metal Gear Solid illustrator Yoji Shinkawa that were posted on the game’s official Japanese website on July 9, 1998. These pages remained online until 2008, when Konami decided to relaunch the website in order to promote the digital download release of the game on the PlayStation Store.

I posted an earlier translation of these blog posts on March 8 of this year (2019) that was missing most of the illustrations being described, since the image files were not archived. I’ve since found the missing image files on another website and took the liberty of revising my translation to fix mistakes or clarify certain statements. I’ve tried to edit the original blog post, but for some reason tumblr didn’t allow me to upload any new images, so I decided to delete it and post the revision as a new blog post.

I’ve also found the images of the scratch Metal Gear REX model sculpted by Yoji Shinkawa that were uploaded on the official site, but unfortunately they were watermarked by a fansite that copied them back in the day. With that said, it’s still better than nothing, so I added them at the end of this blog poster.

Unfortunately, I still haven’t found any of the photos used on the seventh blog post, so that will still remain untranslated for the time being.

Interviewer: First of all, it’s a pleasure to talk to you Mr. Shinkawa.

Shinkawa: Please to meet you too.

Interviewer: I’ll start by asking about the game’s protagonist Solid Snake. What kind of details were you paying attention to when designing his character.

Shinkawa: Well I talked about this before in Konami Magazine Vol. 2, but there were two Metal Gear games prior to this one, so I struggled to find a balance between them. The Snake in the original Metal Gear looked like a young musclebound guy, while in Metal Gear 2 he was more of a bitter middle-aged man. This time Mr. Kojima’s image of Snake was one of having a tough and athletic body like Jean-Claude Van Damme combined with the middle-aged nature of someone like Christopher Walken. As a result, he became something of a middle ground between the two.

Interviewer: I see. What was your work after Snake’s image was decided on?

Shinkawa: The truth is I had trouble designing his costume. At the beginning I was thinking of a conventional military uniform in blue urban camo. But then I thought it might had been a bit too careless to have Snake swim underwater wearing such a uniform. Since the story takes place in the near future, he ended up wearing a costume made of leather and waterproof material.

Interviewer: It’s an amazing attention to detail that you kept in mind Snake’s infiltration route when designing his costume. So there’s a scene where Snake is underwater? What happens if the Ninja lands in a pond or something?

Shinkawa: What would happen? Huh... He would spark up and then yell something like “Water! My weakness!” (laugh) Just kidding.

Interviewer: (laughs) I guess not.

Shinkawa: It’s hard to know when it comes to Mr. Kojima though...

Interviewer: Don’t worry about it. By the way, is there any behind-the-scenes stories about the game’s development.

Shinkawa: Yes. It’s not much of an inside story, but I drew Ninja in a train.

Interviewer: During a train ride?

Shinkawa: Yes, I drew him while riding a commuter train. I was stationed at Osaka at the time. Most of the people there not friendly, so I would spent time observing the college girls.

Interviewer: That’s pretty nice.

Shinkawa:I guess so. But the friendliness here is good though. But Tokyo doesn’t have such a thing, so it feels a bit lonely. How I should say this, but there’s something that could be described as “enjoying the reaction of people watching in my direction” that could be seen not just over there, but here too.

Interviewer: So that’s how you train your sense of observation!

Shinkawa: No, that’s not what I meant. (laughs)

Interviewer: Is there a type of woman that you like?

Shinkawa: I wonder about that.

Interviewer: I’m sorry, that was such a trite question. Let me rephrase that. Is there a particular celebrity that you like?

Shinkawa: I guess I have no choice. My type would be someone like Shinobu Nakayama.

Interviewer: Is that so? Personally I’m a fan of Yuki Uchida if you’re curious to know...

Shinkawa: Yeah, she’s not bad.

Interviewer: Ah!

Shinkawa: Well, let’s put that subject aside. The truth is that the character of Mei-Ling was actually modeled after Nakayama herself. I used to watch her drama series.

Interviewer: Ah! That’s such an interesting thing to learn. Now that you say that, Mei-Ling really does resemble Nakayama looking at her closely, doesn’t she?

Shinkawa: Mei-Ling was written to be a bubbly college girl. She tends heavily to my taste, since she’s in the right age range and has my ideal image.

Interviewer: That’s nice. Having your preferences tied directly to your job.

Shinkawa: It’s not just mine. The character of Dr. Naomi Hunter was made to suit Mr. Kojima’s preferences too.

Interviewer: I see. Huh? At this rate, will you have a type for everyone?

Shinkawa: That wasn’t the intention, but... (laughs)

Interviewer: When was this drawn?

Shinkawa: I think it was around the end of last year. Huh? Around six months ago. Time sure fly quickly! I drew it for a magazine ad.

Interviewer: I heard the Ninja was your idea.

Shinkawa:That’s right. But originally there was a trio. They would say something like “Worya! Trinity Attack!” and they were going to have random kanji characters on their backs such as flame (炎) or horse (馬) without any particular significance.

Interviewer: “Fire” doesn’t seem so unreasonable, but why “horse”?

Shinkawa: I’ve mentioned “horse” as a joke, but that sort of thing happens very often, doesn’t it? When it comes to the image of Japan from a foreign perspective, while the outline is the same, the finer details differ. I like that kind of thing. The finalized design of the Ninja is and isn’t a ninja. If nobody told you he was a ninja, you wouldn’t think of him as one. But if someone points out that he must be a ninja because he has some ninja-like parts if you look at him closely, then you might think of him as one.

Interviewer: Is that so? That’s the Shinkawa magic!

Shinkawa: (laughs) What’s that?

Interviewer: I think I’ve seen this artwork a long time ago.

Shinkawa: It was first published around a year ago.

Interviewer: I see. So why did you draw it like an American comic book?

Shinkawa: Well, in reality I was going for a BD-style. Doesn’t it look like that?

Interviewer: I’m sorry, but what does BD mean?

Shinkawa: It stands for bande dessinée, which is the term for graphic novels in France. It means “sequential art”.

Interviewer: Huh, I did not know. So, is there a particular reason why you chose the BD-style?

Shinkawa: Of course! There is a reason. While talking to Mr. Kojima during the early stages, he said “Alright! Let’s turn Metal Gear into B.D” as a conceptual image. So I drew a few illustrations like that. This one was used as promotional art.

Interviewer: I see. So that’s the reason. And this one was perfect for a promotional artwork. Huh! Why is Gatse Becker [the BCPD chief from Policenauts] there?

Shinkawa: That’s not him. (laughs) It’s the Secretary of Defense [Jim Houseman]... Jeez... (While saying this, Shinkawa’s mouse keeps hovering on Mei-Ling for some reason.)

Interviewer: (nervous face) Uhh... Mei-Ling’s skirt seems awfully short... By the way, will you be able to shake the female characters’ breasts like in Policenauts?

Shinkawa:...That’s classified information!

Interviewer: Well, here’s REX. Is there anything particularly different about this Metal Gear model?

Shinkawa: The Metal Gears in the previous two games had weak legs, so this new version has a strengthened lower body. During the initial planning I came up with several illustrations and settings, but the finalized version was settled pretty quickly.

Interviewer: How so?

Shinkawa: Since it was going to be turned into a polygon model, I made it into an actual model in order to solidify its conceptual image and verify its functions.

Interviewer: Is that so? Please show the model to me.

Shinkawa: Of course! REX was designed purely as a weapon, so it’s not exactly a heroic mecha. I decided on a dinosaur-like design like this one, since it conveyed a scary and grim image.

Shinkawa: There are three types of enemy soldiers shown here. From left to right: we have the light infantry, the heavy infantry and the arctic warfare soldier (nicknamed Yukinko by the developers). There’s also a gas mask-wearing fourth type.

Interviewer: Were you given any sort of references to use?

Shinkawa: I had books and photos that were given to me by Mr. Motosada Mori (MGS’s military advisor).

Interviewer: All the enemy soldiers have their faces covered up. Was that decided because they were terrorists?

Shinkawa: That’s certainly something that could be think of, but there’s actually more important reasons.

Interviewer: Huh? Explain!

Shinkawa: Simply put, we needed to reduce the number of polygons.

Interviewer: Is that really the reason?

Shinkawa: If you want to draw faces on your characters, you have to use quite a few polygons to get them to a satisfactory level, which ends up consuming too much resources. When taking into consideration the game as a whole, you got no choice but to trim certain parts. It’s a shame, but in the end I think the finalized designs suit the enemy soldiers better.

Interviewer: It’s a matter of balancing supply and demand. By the way, I really like the helmet worm by the Heavily Armed Troops. You don’t see them often in the game though.

Shinkawa: Well that helmet is an original design. Like everything, I try to keep things intuitive for game-playing purposes. The enemy soldiers are color-coded from left to right: brown, green and white, plus yellow for the gas mask-wearing soldiers.

Interviewer: There are indeed a variety of schemes. By the way, the arctic warfare soldiers are layered with clothing. Snake spends most of the game in arctic environments, but he isn’t wearing that much. Why is that?

Shinkawa: He’s wearing a high-tech suit.

Interviewer: You said it so bluntly... (laughs) One last nitpicky question. Who does the laundry in the base?

Shinkawa: They use a laundry machine. (laughs)

Metal Gear REX Model Photos

[thewarriorandtheking]

Beyond Erebor

Readers over on FanFiction are hitting this one hard...I was not sure anyone would be interested in Thorin in outer space, I guess this gives me an excuse to write another one ;-) 

********

As the airlock cycled Thorin Oakenshield watched the indicators in his helmet go green then joined his teammates in retracting his armor. Interfacing with his armor still made his neck itch, but he was getting better at ignoring the sensation. The air was stale, but breathable. Conner led the way down the corridor, it was roughly hewn out of the rock of the tiny moon, lighting panels spaced every few meters. As they proceeded down the metal walkway, guns at the ready, Thorin found his attention being drawn to the walls of the tunnel. Something about them was just wrong.

“Why are we doing this again?” Kynes asked, addressing no one in particular. They were passing a side tunnel, he brought his rifle up to cover as he moved past.

“Because someone has to rescue the princess,” Thorin replied. He brought his rifle up as he walked past the dark opening. He saw something, some kind of ripple. He fired a burst almost without thinking, then stared at the black body lying on the floor in front of him, long tentacles twitching.

“Displacer beast,” said Sinclair. “Nice shooting.”

“A displacer nest,” Warrior said, he was leading the second squad behind them. The Kzin shook his head. “We will be lucky to find anyone alive down here.”

Thorin took a deep breath. Displacer beasts, one of the galaxy’s nastier predators. Large, black-furred and ravenous, able to teleport short distances and “displace” their vital signs so they could appear to be somewhere else. They were often found out on the Rim in abandoned installations where they could feed on old power sources. That explained what had happened to the princess’s Imperial escort. Unlike the Sardaukar, Imperial troops fought in armor all the time. It was useless against displacers, the power sources attracted them and you would never see them coming.

“Let’s just find the princess and get out of here,” Wallace said. He was the leader of the second squad Conner had requested for backup. “Then to Dorsai for some downtime.”

“Back in time for Samhain,” Thorin said, which got him thinking about seeing Kaylea. It had been nearly a year and he could not wait. He was coming off his last section of field training, it would be back to Belka now for a while where they could be together every night.

“What is the first thing you are going to do when you get back to Dorsai?” Kynes asked, grinning at him.

“Kiss my wife,” Thorin replied, grinning back.

“Spoken like a true newlywed,” Conner said. The lighting panels ended and the corridor stretched out into darkness. He adjusted his glasses, scanning for life signs. “How long have you been married again?”

Thorin had to think, the last couple years had been a blur and he always calculated it in Middle Earth time. “Almost 16 years.”

“That long and you are still that crazy about her? She must be some woman,” Conner chuckled. The scuttlebutt was Oakenshield was married to General Wolf, but nobody really believed it. Most in the corps considered it a sort of urban legend, the only evidence he had seen was Thorin and the general were wearing the same wolf and raven design on their armor; it was common practice on Dorsai for married couples to combine their House crests. Thorin had been training in his squad for almost eight months and had talked very little about his wife, or about himself for that matter. The man had such an aristocratic air about him, Connor was certain he was a member of one of the Great Houses. The long hair and beard had to be a disguise.

“She is indeed,” Thorin said softly, smiling to himself. Whenever he started thinking about Kaylea he found it very hard to stop. Her smile, the smell of her hair, the way her skin felt under his fingers.

“Wait a minute,” said MacLean from behind the Kzin. “Didn’t I hear you were married like two years ago?”

“That was the third time,” Thorin replied, adjusting his glasses. “I always count from the first time.” The tunnel they were in suddenly opened up into a huge space, more than a hundred meters across. It was designed to look like a natural cavern, but to Thorin’s practiced eye it clearly was not. What is this place?

“You have married the same woman three times?” Warrior asked, the Kzin was obviously puzzled. “That seems like odd behavior, even for a human.”

“It is a bit of a long story,” Thorin said. And I am not a Man. He refrained from trying to explain the difference to the Kzin, which would be pointless. “We appear to have found the escort.” 

The floor of the cavern in front of them was littered with armored bodies, there was no telling how many displacers were out there. Kynes was adjusting his glasses. 

“Could be life signs ahead,” he said. The material of the tiny moon was so dense it had defeated all their surface scans. Wallace came up beside them, nodding his head. 

“Looks like six, on the other side of this hangar. Form up, switch to swords.” Thorin swung his rifle over his back and drew his sword. He felt much more comfortable with the familiar weapon in his hands, the sword Kaylea had given him so many years ago. Edged weapons were much faster in close combat. His mind went back to how he had come to be on this rock at the edge of known space. 

Just two days ago they had been on a transport to Dorsai for some well-earned leave after six months of desert training when the call came down. An Intergalactic Expeditions party was investigating a moon around gas giant T16 with some pre-First Empire tech on it, the party had landed six days ago and had not been heard from since. To make it worse, the moon seemed to be in a decaying orbit. Normally the Sardaukar would not rescue a private company, but this one was the Princess Vasha’s pet project. They were the closest rescue, and as the most experienced leader aboard, Conner had been chosen to take point. He had called Wallace’s squad in for backup. The princess would have had a sizeable Imperial escort. Something had happened to them, which meant they were possibly walking into a very dangerous situation. Not wanting to repeat any of the expedition’s mistakes, Conner had brought their ship close and jumped to the moon in armor. The Intergalactic ships were there, undamaged but with no crew in sight. They had found an airlock, centuries old but still functional, and were now hoping one of those life signs was the princess. 

Conner led the way out into the cavern, Thorin to his left and Kynes on his right. Wallace and his squad came behind, the Kzin Warrior and MacLean. They kept a tight fighting formation, backed into triangles, moving carefully and quickly. They had gone about 10 meters when the displacers started to hit them. Thorin found he had to anticipate where they were going to be and swing his sword before they appeared. He watched for the ripple in the air he had seen before. He swung at one beast but it outguessed him and suddenly appeared on his right, wrapping a tentacle around his arm. He felt like his life was being sucked out for a second before Conner took the creature’s head off. Thorin took a deep breath, feeling his body recover with a rush of adrenaline, he was almost used to the feeling now. He was able to return the favor a moment later when a displacer grabbed Conner by the leg.

They had left twelve dead displacer beasts on the floor when they reached the other end of the cavern. Warrior had just sliced the head off one with his long claws when a door swung open in the wall in front of them, they hurried through and an Imperial guardsman swung it shut behind them. They were in a sizable semi-circular room lined with odd, pointed rock formations sticking out of the walls and up through the floor. In the room were the four remaining members of the princess’s guard, a scholarly-looking little man who was probably the expedition leader and the Princess Vasha herself. 

“We are glad to see you!” The guardsman who had closed the door exclaimed. He extended a hand to Conner, who grasped his arm in the forearm to forearm handshake of the Imperial troops. “The displacers have left us alone in here but our comms can’t get through.” 

“You guys would need help finding water if you fell out of a boat,” Conner replied, with a grin. The princess came up to stand in front of him, Conner and the other Sardaukar all bowed low, Thorin not as low as the others.

“What took you so long?” She demanded, her manner all imperious annoyance.

 “You are at the edge of known space, your highness,” Wallace replied as he straightened up. “None could have reached you sooner.” He did not say it, but his tone was clear. The Rim is not for amateurs. He looked around the walls of the room. “The orbit of this rock is deteriorating rapidly, we need to move.” 

The party looked like they had been holed up in the room for a few days, the guardsmen started ordering the equipment. “Did you get all the displacers?” The first one asked. 

“No way to know,” Conner replied. “But we can probably make a few trips before they start hitting us again. It will take time to recover all the bodies.” Just as he finished speaking the room began to tilt sideways, it slid about ten degrees then righted itself. The Sardaukar all exchanged glances. “Has it been doing that often?” 

“It does that a few times every day,” the civilian said, closing up his case. “Don’t know how long we have until this thing falls into the planet. It’s too bad, I would love to be able to study this place further, find out what it was used for.” 

The room tilted again, more sharply. “That is new,” said the guardsman who had first greeted them. This time it did not correct itself. 

Kynes activated the arm of his armor and looked at the display. “The planet is pulling us in. We have maybe a couple hours to clear out.” 

“Maybe we can fly out,” Thorin said. He was looking at the odd pointed shards of stone coming up out of the floor, there were a line of three in front of him. He put a hand on one, it was definitely not stone. This is a machine. 

Conner looked at him quizzically. “What are you talking about?” 

For answer Thorin closed his hand on the stone formation and pushed, it resisted then slid forward with an audible click. He quickly pushed the other two forward, the floor began to vibrate, lighting panels flickered overhead. There was a distant low hum and the room leveled out. Everyone was staring at him in astonishment, then it tilted hard the other way. 

“Hit those levers above you,” Thorin barked at MacLean, he turned to his right. “And those,” he said to Sinclair, the command in his voice was such the soldiers instantly obeyed. Thorin moved quickly back and forth, pushing whatever would move and trying to find some kind of steering control, the ship was obviously built for something much larger than himself. When Conner pushed the last piece of rock over his head forward a wide view screen materialized on the wall just in front of them. The planet beneath them loomed ominously close. As each control arm had been pushed the rock-like covering had fallen away, revealing burnished metal that looked oddly as though it was growing out of the walls and floor. In front of the viewscreen were two widely-spaced control arms that Thorin guessed might be for steering. He put his hand over one, felt it roll and the ship angled slightly away from the planet. They probably needed to be used in conjunction and they were too far apart for any of them to use, except for the tall Kzin. 

Thorin looked up at Warrior expectantly. “Think you could get us out of here?” 

Warrior did not move, he regarded Thorin impassively with his green eyes, his ears flat against his head. The cat-like Kzin had a rigid caste system, Warriors were at the top, Pilots were several rungs down. Kzin were not known for their multi-tasking. 

“Go on, give it a try,” Wallace said, he was Warrior’s team leader but one really couldn’t order a Kzin. “We promise not to tell anyone.” 

Warrior sighed and reluctantly took the pilot’s place in front of the console, the end of his long tail twitching in annoyance. “If any of you speak about this I will rip out your spine,” he said, putting his hands on the controls. 

Thorin stood to one side, next to the four levers he had originally moved. He felt these had to be the engines, and as Warrior tested the steering he moved the levers forward and back to see how it affected the ship’s moves. Together they were able to steer the moonship into a higher, stable orbit. The Kzin could not wait to step away from the controls, wiping his hands with a cloth as if they were contaminated. 

Thorin pulled the levers for the engines back to were he had originally found them. He turned away and nearly bumped into the princess, who had come up right next to him. 

“What is your family name?” She asked. “I feel you must be a member of one of the Houses, but I do not recognize you.” She smiled. “You I would remember.” 

“My family is indeed a very old one,” Thorin said politely. “But it is not a name you would know. I am called Thorin Oakenshield.” 

“Which is not your family name,” the princess replied, not accustomed to being disobeyed. “I could compel you to tell me.”

Thorin drew himself up, his royalty suddenly obvious to everyone in the room. He looked at the princess as if she were something he had scraped off his shoe. “You are welcome to try,” he said coldly.The soldiers all blinked at him. It was not everyday you heard someone tell a member of the royal family to go fuck themselves. Conner smiled inwardly, he had seen Thorin do this before, he thought of it as him ‘putting on his majesty’. Thorin could practically crush people with it. To the princess’s credit she kept her body straight, but she could not meet his gaze. 

Sinclair came to her rescue by walking between them and bowing to the princess. “We are ready to move out, your highness” 

The princess shot a quick glance at Thorin. “Very well, keep your secrets,” she said. “I am ready to get out of this place.” Conner’s squad formed up around the princess and took her out, Wallace’s squad did the same for the expedition leader, who they were all calling Professor. The Imperial guards took up the rear and they reached their ships without incident. The Professor spent the whole time trying to convince Conner and Wallace that Intergalactic Expeditions still had a claim on the moonship, even though they had been there six days and had no idea what it actually was until Thorin had shown them. Conner was having none of it – Thorin found it, it belonged to the Sardaukar. Pre-Empire tech like this was incredibly valuable, there was no way he was giving it up. The princess remained silent, letting them argue it out. He eyes went often to Thorin, studying him curiously, but she did not speak to him again. 

Once they had the princess and the Professor safely settled the soldiers started recovering the bodies of the fallen. It took a couple hours to get them all and they did have to fight off another displacer attack. One of the Imperial guards was hit, but they were able to get him to a medunit in time. 

“How did you know this was a ship?” Kynes asked Thorin as they were carrying out the bodies. 

“Stone speaks to me, I knew this thing was not stone,” he replied. “Where I come from we live underground, and my people have a natural understanding of machinery.” 

“You live underground?” Kynes shook his head, as if to clear it. He looked at Thorin closely. “I am having a weird feeling that we have met before somewhere.” 

“Do you mean seven months ago when we were assigned as a squad?” Thorin asked with a smile. He had recognized Kynes and Conner immediately as two of the soldiers Kaylea had brought to Middle Earth to fight in the War of the Ring. Their minds had been wiped but there were always some residual impressions that remained.

“Yeah, that must be it,” Kynes laughed, shrugging it off.   

Once they were back at the transport, it was only two more days before they landed on Dorsai. The princess’s rescue had been all over the media for a day and a half, she gave many tearful interviews thanking her brave Sardaukar rescuers, though she neglected to mention any of their names. The media reported that the moonship had fallen into the gas giant and the expedition was a total loss. Thorin could only imagine what fun Lord Blackwolf was going to have with that thing once it had been towed to Troyius, Conner said the tech was completely unknown. 

It was one of those perfect fall days when they arrived on Dorsai, the sun shining brightly, the crisp smell of autumn in the air. As they walked down the transport ramp Thorin saw Kaylea Wolf leaning against an ATV waiting for him. She smiled when she saw him, coming forward to greet him. She was not in uniform, her hair was down, the beads on her braids sparkling in the sun. Inside the open neck of her shirt he could see she was wearing the stranded jeweled chain he had given her many years ago. Thorin dropped his bag and swept her into his arms, drawing her mouth down to his and lifting her off her feet to swing her around as he kissed her. 

“How I have missed you, my love,” he said, kissing her again. He reached to run his finger along her necklace. “You know what it does to me when you wear my gifts,” he whispered in her ear, pulling her tight against him. 

“Why do you think I am wearing it, husband?” Kaylea said softly, running her hands inside his coat. Her body against his felt so good. 

The rest of the soldiers coming down the ramp froze in their tracks, watching them. Odin’s teeth! Conner thought to himself. It’s really true! He exchanged glances with his companions as the general separated herself from Thorin and walked toward them. They came to attention smartly. 

“As you were. Carry on,” Kaylea said, she motioned for Conner to follow her and they walked out of earshot of the others. Thorin was loading his bag into the ATV across the ramp. 

“That was good work on T16,” she told him. 

Conner smiled. “Thank you, sir, that was mostly Oakenshield. The rest was just taking out a few displacers and securing the princess.” 

“You have been training with Thorin for almost seven months. What’s your opinion?” 

“I can send you my preliminary evaluation, if you like, sir,” Conner replied, getting out his handheld. Kaylea unlocked hers so he could throw her the report.

 “Permission to speak frankly, sir?” Conner saw the slight smile as the general nodded her assent. “I am impressed. He works hard, trains harder, he’s a natural born leader. The only thing that would keep him from commanding this whole outfit is that stubborn streak of his. Six leagues wide and six deep, as the saying goes.” 

Kaylea chuckled softly. “I think it is bigger than that,” she said. “But I do know him better than you do.” 

Conner grinned. “And he is going to have to learn to keep that attitude in check. Watching him tell the princess off was priceless, but that kind of thing is going to get him in trouble one day. If I may ask, which House is he from? I’m not buying the primitive planet story for a minute.” 

Kaylea was scanning through his report, Conner could not help noticing the spectacular ring she was wearing on her left hand, the same wolf and raven design as Thorin had on his armor, with a luminous blue-white stone. The wedding band with it sparkled with tiny blue gems. 

“He is not a member of any of the Great Houses, but in his own land Thorin is from a long line of great kings,” Kaylea said as she slipped her device into her pocket. “It is hard to put aside something you have been your entire life.”

Conner looked at her questioningly, his blue eyes twinkling in amusement. “If he is a King, and you are married…does that make you a Queen?” 

“I will ask you to leave that line of inquiry alone, soldier,” Kaylea said curtly.

 Conner snapped to attention, smiling. “Sir, yes, sir!” Kaylea shook her head at him. “You are dismissed. Enjoy your holiday.” She walked back to where Thorin was waiting by the vehicle. He slid an arm around her and kissed her neck. 

“What was that all about?” He asked. 

Kaylea smiled at him. “Just asking how you did on your training,” she said. “He says he is going to fail you.” 

Thorin chuckled. “I will sort him out later,” he pulled her close against him, inhaling deeply. He ran his hand over her body and down between her legs. “Right now, I am going to take you up to the room and have my way with you.”

 Kaylea smiled, her hand against him below his belt. “I like the sound of that, husband.” 

******

Read the whole story on AO3 or FanFiction, links on my homepage, or search for akdogdriver. This is the latest chapter in my Beyond Erebor collection. 

@fizzyxcustard

[unmourned-unremembered]

I finally had the chance to see Barry Jenkins' adaptation of If Beale Street Could Talk yesterday and loved it. I'm both a film buff and an avid reader so I'm subject to the irritating snobbery of both where screen adaptations of books are concerned, and this film is the rarest kind of experience for someone like me: the unique satisfaction of seeing a gorgeous and very faithful film adaptation of a much loved book. It got me thinking about how rare this is and when exactly I can remember experiencing that surprise and elation watching other films based on books I liked. The following list is more reflective of my own tastes than any absolute measure of greatness but anyway, here goes.

John LeCarre', The Spy Who Came in from the Cold (1963)

Martin Ritt, The Spy Who Came in from the Cold (1965)

My personal all-time favorite (although now perhaps my second favorite, after If Beale Street Could Talk) is this relatively little-known gem starring the great Richard Burton. I loved the novel and read it twice, once when I was around 10 or 11 years old and again a few years ago. It's a tremendous espionage novel and while it doesn't represent LeCarre's style at its most refined (see the next entry for that), it's a great introduction to what makes his books so engaging. They're unflinchingly realistic and pay very close attention to the actual tradecraft of spying, which you would expect from a writer who was a British secret agent in real life. The film manages to capture so much of the flavor of the source material, and a great performance by Burton translates the internal thought processes of the main character in all their subtlety. In my favorite scene, Burton's character sees a news article about himself in a London paper and realizes his cover's blown and he's completely screwed. You can see all of that registering on Burton's face in a single shot.

John LeCarre', Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (1974)

John Irvin, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (BBC TV miniseries, 1979)

Some writers are luckier than others. I was completely absorbed by LeCarre's rich and detailed account of British intelligence officer George Smiley's hunt for a highly placed Soviet mole within MI6. I just couldn't put it down and I was TERRIBLY disappointed by the 2011 Tomas Alfredson adaptation, which conveyed none of the nuance or atmosphere of the book. It was a crass and irritating film that wasted several good performances, including an excellent turn by Gary Oldman as Smiley. I stayed away from the miniseries for years before my wife and I began it one morning, and we were so drawn in that we binged all seven episodes the same day. I could not have been happier with it. John Irvin's subdued and skilled direction allowed the performances to take the fore and moved the plot—the most important element in any LeCarre' book—accurately and addictively. Alec Guinness totally inhabited the role of Smiley, to the point that I'm now incapable of thinking of anyone else's face when I read LeCarre's other novels.

Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse Five (1969)

George Roy Hill, Slaughterhouse Five (1972)

Two things surprised me when my mom told me that she'd seen this movie and that it was good: 1) it exists; and 2) it’s a good movie despite being based on an unfilmable novel. Vonnegut's work hasn't had the best of experiences on the silver screen. The 1990s produced two highly regrettable adaptations of great Vonnegut novels: the awful Nick Nolte Mother Night directed with zero flair by ham-and-egger Keith Gordon and the risible Breakfast of Champions starring Bruce Willis and directed by some guy named Alan Rudolph. Given that both of those books had vastly simpler narrative structures than Slaughterhouse Five, the fact that George Roy Hill's film is effective is really a testament to his skill. With the nearly unknown Michael Sacks anchoring a cast of other 1970s no-names and small-timers, this is a surprisingly affecting and satisfying film for a fan of the novel. Its odd time shifts and alien abductions/interactions are done very well, albeit without nudity. It's not considered a career highlight for Hill but it really should be. He stuck the film treatment equivalent of the triple axel.

George Orwell, 1984 (1949)

Michael Radford, 1984 (1984)

1984 is another novel that I read first in childhood and then again much later, in around 2004, at the height of the war in Iraq when my hatred of the US government under George W. Bush was at its apex. I remember not being able to connect with the experience of Winston Smith on the first reading, when I took the book to be a pretty straight-up criticism of the Soviet Union (still in existence at the time…). The paranoia and dystopian insanity of the Bush era, with its baleful exhortations to patriotic fervor and national unity and demands for submission to an ever-expanding police state, made the second reading a surreal one. I totally identified with Smith's alienation and the book worked for me in a whole new way. I stayed away from the screen version for a long time. I just didn't see how it would be possible to render the novel faithfully in visual form when so much of it takes place inside Smith's head. Radford did a remarkable job. Oceania's oppressive visuals bring Orwell's descriptions to stunning life, and the casting could not have been better with John Hurt as Winston Smith and Richard Burton as O'Brien. The largely unsung Cyril Cusack is also great as Charrington. In a point of trivia, he also plays Richard Burton's boss in the above-mentioned Martin Ritt The Spy Who Came in from the Cold and is part of James Mason's IRA cell in Carol Reed's Odd Man Out. Great British character actor.

Honorable mentions:

James M. Cain, Double Indemnity (1943) / Billy Wilder, Double Indemnity (1944)

James M. Cain, The Postman Always Rings Twice (1934) / Tay Garrett, The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946)

James M. Cain, Mildred Pierce (1941) / Michael Curtiz, Mildred Pierce (1945) / Todd Haynes, Mildred Pierce (HBO miniseries, 2011)

Mary Shelly, Frankenstein (1818) / Kenneth Branagh, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (1994)

H.P. Lovecraft, The Case of Charles Dexter Ward (1927) / Dan O'Bannon, The Resurrected (1991)

H.G. Wells, The Time Machine (1895) / George Pal, The Time Machine (1960) / Simon Wells and Gore Verbinski, The Time Machine (2002)

H.G. Wells, War of the Worlds (1897) / Byron Haskin, War of the Worlds (1953) / Steven Spielberg, War of the Worlds (2005)

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Universe Falls Timeline (updated)

Ahahahaha dammit I’ve spent all day makin this fancy ass new timeline for UF and UF2 and I feel like dying now because I sunk so much fucking time into this. Mind you this is based on what we know as of right now (7/3/18) which means a LOT of this is subject to change depending on what happens in the rest of SU as well as any further revelations we might get from extra-canon Gravity Falls material. When it comes to the UF2 stuff, pretty much all of that is up in the air until I actually sit down to start planning it in full. Hell even the latter parts of UF are up in the air at this point. Mind you I did retract a lot of stuff for the sake of spoilers but in my version of this timeline, all this stuff is there in full so believe me when I say I got this planned out. And now, without any further ado... here it is, the grand timeline of Universe Falls! 

Ancient History

Pre-History • Bill Cipher and the Axolotl both come into existence • Bill destroys the second dimension and takes over the Nightmare Realm • The universe is born along with its countless lifeforms. (Humans and Gems included) Eons Ago • Under the Great Diamond Authority, the Gem race expands and cements their control over 43 planetary bodies and two star systems through colonization • Pink Diamond is created on Homeworld • Fluorite, Rhodonite, Padparadscha, and the Rutile Twins are considered "off color" by Homeworld standards and remain in hiding underground in an abandoned Kindergarten to avoid the Shattering Robonoids • At some point during the Jungle Moon's colonization, Pink Diamond demands her own colony from Yellow Diamond, but is rebuffed due to her inexperience • Pearl is given to Pink Diamond as her servant Over 6,000 years ago • Ruby, Sapphire, Bismuth, and Lapis Lazuli are created on the Gem Homeworld or one of its colonies • Gems arrive on Earth, their first scout ship crash landing in what would eventually become Gravity Falls, Oregon; the impact of their ship's landing forms a deep valley • Pink Diamond is granted access to colonize Earth; She and her Gems arrive there to begin a new colony • Centipeetle and her crew members travel to Earth in the Ancient Gem Colony Ship • Gems begin to emerge in the Prime Kindergarten; Structures such as the Lunar Sea Spire, Communication Hub, Sky Spire, Moon Base, and Sea Shrine are constructed; Amethyst is formed (but does not emerge) in the Alpha Kindergarten • Pink Diamond wishes to be at the Prime Kindergarten to play with the Amethysts. In order to not be scolded by Yellow and Blue Diamond, Pearl gives Pink the idea of shapeshifting into a Rose Quartz soldier to blend in • In her Rose Quartz disguise, Pink and Pearl arrive at the Kindergarten where Pink meets the Amethysts. In order to not draw unnecessary attention, Pink and Pearl traveled off and Pink became fascinated by the beauty of Earth. She soon realizes that completing her colony would destroy all of the life she grew fond of. • Pink contacts the other Diamonds to tell them that she does not wish to complete the colony and instead wants to preserve the life on Earth; in response, Blue Diamond creates a Human Zoo for her and she along with Yellow Diamond kidnap humans from their families and stored them inside the Zoo Over 5,750 Years Ago • Pink Diamond decides to use her Rose Quartz alter-ego to make a stand that her fellow Diamonds could not ignore. She originally intended to use Rose Quartz to scare away other Gems • Pink Diamond (as Rose Quartz) and Pearl defect from Homeworld and form the Crystal Gems • The cut of Rose Quartz is thereby recognized as a threat and every Rose Quartz is removed from service, specifically from Pink Diamond's entourage • Pearl learns the human concept of being a knight at the Ancient Sky Arena • Blue Diamond and members of her court arrive on Earth and oversees the removal of the then-forming Rebellion • Sapphire is sent to Earth along with three Ruby guards at the request of Blue Diamond; after Rose and Pearl launch a direct attack, Ruby and Sapphire accidentally form Garnet for the first time • Rose tells Pearl how fascinated she is that two completely different Gems fused. Pearl attempts to fuse with Rose but fails. Rose and Pearl run into Garnet where Rose tells her to never question who she is, recruiting her to the Crystal Gems • Pink Diamond tries one more time to persuade Yellow and Blue to end colonization, this time using Rose Quartz as an excuse. The other Diamonds continued to ignore her pleas Over 5,500 Years Ago • (Redacted due to spoilers)  • The Gem War officially begins; Some of the first battles in the Rebellion take place at the Ancient Sky Arena • Bismuth is recruited to Rose's cause, who outfitted the Crystal Gems with weapons; she creates Rose's Sword • (Spoiler)  Over 5,300 Years Ago • Lapis Lazuli arrives on Earth to visit for a short time and was caught mid-war and poofed by a Bismuth-type warrior Gem • Lapis Lazuli was then collected by a Homeworld soldier and was mistaken for a rebel. She was imprisoned in a mirror to be used as a source of information • (spoiler)  Over 5,000 Years Ago • The Beta Kindergarten is established mid-way through the Rebellion in haste to create more troops; Jasper is created among these troops, and is rumored to have taken out 80 Crystal Gems on her first day • Bismuth presents Rose with the Breaking Point, a weapon designed to shatter Gems, specifically the Diamonds. Disagreeing, Rose poofed and bubbled Bismuth, later storing her in Lion's pocket dimension • Pink Diamond and Pearl plan a ruse to stage Pink Diamond's shattering. Pearl, shapeshifted into Rose Quartz, "shatters" Pink Diamond by poofing her after she has swallowed fake gem shards • From then on, Pink Diamond permanently identifies herself as Rose Quartz and continues leading the Crystal Gems in the Rebellion • In grief over Pink Diamond's 'shattering' the Diamond Authority (specifically Yellow Diamond) makes a deal with Bill Cipher to get revenge on the Crystal Gems and the Earth • Earth is deemed an unviable colony by Homeworld, commencing Forced Fusion experiments using the gemstone shards of fallen Crystal Gems; The Cluster is embedded in the Earth's core at some point as part of these experiments • Blue Diamond takes over Pink Diamond's Zoo in her absence • A battle occurs at the location which would later become the Strawberry Battlefield. Many Gem Warriors fall. Rose's scabbard is lost Over 4,500 Years Ago • Homeworld Gems are commanded to evacuate Earth • Lapis Lazuli's mirror is abandoned at the Galaxy Warp and her gemstone is trampled over and cracked during the evacuation. Many Homeworld Gems such as Centipeetle get left behind • A flash of light is set off by the Diamonds, corrupting all Gems caught in it; The only known Gems who were unaffected are Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz, Pearl, Garnet, Bismuth, and Lapis Lazuli • (Spoiler) • The Galaxy Warp becomes inactive Unknown • Era 2 of Gem production begins on Homeworld • Amethyst is found in the Prime Kindergarten and joins the Crystal Gems • Unnatural anomalies and strange creatures begin to congregate in the area that would become Gravity Falls • Peridot is formed and receives her limb enhancers on Homeworld • Pearl finds Lapis Lazuli's mirror at the Galaxy Warp and stores it in her Gem 1000 AD • Gravity Falls' native population evacuates the valley under fear of the land being cursed following contact with Bill Cipher, leaving pottery, blankets, and remnants of their language behind

19th Century

1837 • Quentin Trembley wins the 9th Presidential Election of the United States in a literal landslide. However, his many silly and embarrassing policies lead him to be forced out of office, and William Henry Harrison is declared the 9th president of the United States 1842 • 8½th United States President Quentin Trembley discovers the valley of Gravity Falls and subsequently founds the town 1843 • Drawn to the valley due to its odd properties, the Crystal Gems arrive in Gravity Falls and begin to investigate its anomalies (Welcome to Gravity Falls)  • The Crystal Gems construct the Gem Temple near the Floating Cliffs 1859 • Pioneer William Dewey and the settlers accompanying him on the Oregon Trail to Gravity Falls are rescued from a gem monster by the Crystal Gems; however, Dewey is falsely hailed as the town hero due to a misunderstanding 1862 • In order to cover up the fact that President Trembley founded Gravity Falls (after he freezes himself in peanut brittle), Nathaniel Northwest deemed the founder of Gravity Falls and William Dewey is dubbed its first official mayor • Dipper, Mabel, and Steven accidently transport themselves back to pioneer times briefly (as seen in Lion and Waddles) • Nathaniel Northwest tricks the lumberjacks of Gravity Falls into building Northwest Manor of the false promise of allowing them into their annual party 1863 • The first Northwest Party takes place, however Nathaniel Northwest breaks his promise and locks the townsfolk out; the Crystal Gems attempt to intervene over this injustice but are ultimately too late; the lead lumberjack is killed in the ensuing Great Flood of 1863 and vows revenge against the Northwests in his final breath 1860s-1870s • Rose Quartz begins traversing the Desert with a pride of lions • Buddy Buddwick leaves Captain Dewey's crew to begin his career as an explorer and author; he records his research of Gem locations in his book • One of Rose's lions dies and she resurrects him 1883 • To escape imprisonment, Blendin Blandin travels back in time to live as a 19th century pocket watch repairman, inadvertently instigating the Great Train Crash of '83 by distracting a passing train conductor with his time machine (journal 3)

Early 20th Century

1920s • Dipper goes back in time to recover Lion and accidently meets Rose Quartz in the process (as seen in Lion and Waddles)

Mid 20th Century

C.1953 • Identical twins Stanford and Stanley Pines are born in Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey 1960s • Stan and Ford start rebuilding an old ship they found in a cave 1965 • Greg DeMayo (Universe) is born Late 1960s-Early 1970s • Stan dates Carla McCorkle 1972 • Stan is disowned after ruining Ford's science project, costing the family potential millions • After being rejected from West Cost Tech, Ford enrolls in Backupsmore University

Late 19th Century

1972-1982 • Stan, now a solo drifter, travels in and out of the United States as a salesman and impoverished conman; he goes to prison at least 3 times 1973 • Ford is accepted into the doctoral program 3 years ahead of schedule; he receives a research grant of $100000 for any field of his choice 1975 • Ford arrives in Gravity Falls and begins documenting his research of its anomalies in Journal 1 • Ford meets Rose Quartz and the Crystal Gems; realizing their similar goals, Rose and Ford become partners in researching Gravity Falls and its anomalies Before 1981 • With the Gems' help, Ford is able to document extensive notes on Gem fusion, culture, history, biology, and weaponry • Rose takes Ford to her hidden armory under Gravity Falls' cemetery • Rose also shows Ford the remains of the crashed Gem scout ship buried underneath Gravity Falls (which he dubs Crash Site Omega) • Rose entrusts one of laser light canons with Ford, who hides it underground near his home 1981 • Rose and Ford hit a wall in their research; at this point, Ford finds the cave drawings that depict Bill Cipher and summons him, hoping he will give him the answers to the mysteries of Gravity Falls. Ford and Bill become partners and start work together; Ford keeps their partnership a secret from Rose and the other Gems • Ford begins to write Journal 3, six years since beginning his research in Gravity Falls • Bill gives Ford plans for the Universe Portal; Ford and the Gems begin construction on the portal • Ford asks Fiddleford McGucket to visit him in Gravity Falls, to help him with building the portal • Ford, Fiddleford, Rose, and the Gems journey to Crash Site Omega to salvage a hyperdrive from the ship • Disturbed by his encounter with the Gremgoblin, Fiddleford constructs the Memory Gun, much to Ford and Rose's shared concern (Crash Site Omega) • To protect their research, Ford, Fiddleford, Rose, and the Gems begin constructing an underground bunker; Rose and Ford hatch the shapeshifter and raise it as a pet, only for it to turn on them and go rouge; they are forced to freeze it in a cryogenic tube 1982 • Ford allows Bill to possess him so he can complete calculations on the portal; Rose encounters Ford in this state and becomes increasingly concerned • Fiddleford implores Ford to give up on the portal and instead publish his already existing research, but Ford is adamant; at the same time, Rose confides in the other Gems that she has worries over the portal herself • McGucket is nearly sucked into the portal and quits the project; in order to erase his mind from the horrors he's seen, he founds the Society of the Blind Eye; his mind begins to deteriorate due to extensive use of the mind erasing gun • Rose and the Gems also break off from Ford after the portal accident, all of them horrified at the danger it could pose to the earth • Ford breaks off his deal with Bill after finding out that he had been deceived; as a result, he becomes increasingly paranoid and isolated • (spoiler)  • Ford entrusts Journal 3 into Rose's care; she later hides it on the temple hill; Ford hides journal 2 near the local elementary school • Ford contacts Stan, who comes to Gravity Falls in response; Ford attempts to entrust Journal 1 to Stan, but is sucked into the universe portal and is lost in the multiverse for 30 years • Ford encounters Bill in the Nightmare Realm and makes a narrow escape along with a group of interdimensional Refugees (The Nightmare Realm) • Ford begins to travel across the various dimensions to learn all he can about Bill in the hopes of defeating him once and for all (The Nightmare Realm) • Rose resolves to make sure that the other two journals remain hidden to prevent Stan from reopening the portal, even if its for the sake of saving Ford • Stan begins running the Murder Hut, later renamed the Mystery Shack, in Ford's house • The government begins to take notice of odd readings in Gravity Falls due to the universe portal • Ford becomes an outlaw in a number of different dimensions (Adrift in the Cosmos) 1984 • Greg DeMayo drops out of community college and changes his last name to Universe to become a professional musician and tour the country under his manager Marty • Greg's family began moving away from each other leaving Andy DeMayo alone to explore the world in his plane 1986 • Greg holds a concert in Gravity Falls, and Rose Quartz is the only one who attends; Greg decides to stay in Gravity Falls with Rose and the two soon fall in love (Like a Comet) • Greg begins working at the Murder Hut under Stan • Greg learns about fusion from the Gems and unsuccessfully attempts to fuse with Rose (We Need to Talk) 1988 • (spoiler) (Chille Tid Part 2) • (spoiler) (Chille Tid Part 2) 1990 • Jesus "Soos" Ramirez is born • Stan and Amethyst form an unlikely friendship and begin to go on weekly "Revenge Trips" with each other; they continue this trend for 8 years 1990s • Ford encounters the Oracle, Jheselbraum the Unswerving in Dimension 52; the two corece over their shared desire to vanquish Bill Cipher once and for all; Jheselbraum installs a metal plate into Ford's skull to prevent Bill from interfering with his mind any further (Adrift in the Cosmos) 1996-1997 • Wendy Corduroy is born • Lars Barriga is born • Sadie Miller is born • Jenny and Kiki Pizza (twins) are born • Robbie Valentino is born 1997 • To earn extra money, Greg takes up a second job babysitting with Rose's help; after this falls through, Stan helps Greg out by giving him a loan to buy the car wash (Greg the Babysitter)  1998 • Stan and Amethyst finally get arrested on a Revenge Trip; Rose and the other Gems break them out of prison and Stan and Amethyst stop hanging out • Rose leaves her other laser light canon in Greg's storage unit • Rose writes a letter of farewell to Ford containing hints as to the location of the Gems' memories in the event of his return; she entrusts this letter with Greg • Rose leaves two tapes for her unborn child behind, one at the remains of Pink Diamond's ship and the other in Lion's mane; she also hides the Crystal Gems' lost memories there as well • Rose Quartz gives up her physical form to give birth to Steven Universe • Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl kidnap Steven and steal Greg's Van temporarily to try to find out who or what Steven is. Greg and the Gems eventually agree to help Steven grow up together 1999 • Twins Mabel and Mason "Dipper" Pines are born • Connie Mahaswaran is born • Pacifica Northwest is born

Early 2000s

2002 • Gideon Gleeful is born • The Mystery Kids travel back in time to figure out why Soos dislikes his birthday; as a result of this time anomaly, 4-year-old Steven disappears and Greg frantically searches the town looking for him (Blendin’s Game)  • Soos begins to work at the Mystery Shack Unknown • Steven moves in with the Gems after Greg completes the house in front of the temple • Gideon finds journal 2 in the schoolyard of Gravity Falls Elementary • Gideon somehow steals a telepathic Gem artifact from the Crystal Gems • Wendy starts working at the Mystery Shack • Sadie and Lars begin working at the Big Donut • Ford travels to a parallel dimension where he is given plans for a Quantum Destabilizer by a parallel version of Fiddleford (Adrift in the Cosmos)

2010s

2012 • Steven summons his shield for the first time • Steven and Connie meet and become friends • Pearl is damaged and poofed by her holographic counterpart and reforms two weeks later with a new design • Steven meets Lion, who follows him home and becomes his companion • Dipper and Mabel come to Gravity Falls for the summer to stay with their Grunkle Stan • Dipper and Mabel fend off the gnomes during their first day in Gravity Falls

Universe Falls

Arc 1 • Dipper and Mabel meet Steven and Connie; the four become fast friends (First Meeting) • Dipper discovers Journal 3 on the temple hill (The Journal) • The Crystal Gems defend the Mystery Shack from Centepeedles and meet the twins; Steven summons his shield once more (Gem Glow) • Pearl and Amethyst fuse into Opal to rescue Steven from a robotic lake monster (Legend of the Giant Woman) • Wax Stan and the Wax Gems are decapitated by the Gem-shard powered wax figurines; they are defeated by Steven, Dipper, Mabel, and Connie (Headhunters) • Amethyst and Garnet form Sugilite to break down the Gem communication hub (Strong in the Real Way) • A Homeworld vessel appears on Earth for the first time in 4,000 years in the form of the Red Eye (Magic and Mystery) • Steven, Dipper, and Mabel help the Crystal Gems defend Gravity Falls against the Red Eye by utilizing Rose's laser light canon (Magic and Mystery) • Bill Cipher and Yellow Diamond begin planning their final stages of their deal (Magic and Mystery) Arc 2 • Gideon develops a crush on Mabel and attempts to get rid of Dipper and Steven in order to be with her; he is subsequently defeated by Mabel; the kids return the Gem artifact Gideon stole to the Gems (Lil' Gideon) • Using a time device, Steven recruits copies of himself to form a band to preform at the Mystery Shack party; at the same time, Dipper uses a coping machine to make copies of himself in order to dance with Wendy; both of these plans backfire (Copies and Clones) • Mabel wins Waddles at the Mystery Fair (Lion and Waddles) • Steven, Connie, Dipper and Mabel encounter time traveler Blendin Blandin and use his time traveling device to accidentally cause several anomalies throughout time; Wendy and Robbie start dating (Lion and Waddles) • Steven discovers he has healing spit after Amethyst is nearly fatally cracked; he also accidentally cures Connie's eyesight (An Indirect Kiss) • Steven discovers he has the power to create sentient watermelon look alikes; Gideon nearly takes the Mystery Shack by shrinking Steven, Dipper, and Mabel, but he is ultimately thwarted; Steven sends the Watermelon Stevens off (Measure Up) • Steven uses his Gem to access Rose's Room for the first time; the Gems  discover Journal 3, and though they are bewildered by its contents and information concerning them, they allow Dipper to keep it (Gems and Journals) • Steven, Dipper, and Mabel free Lapis Lazuli from the mirror; she subsequently steals all of the water in Lake Gravity Falls in a desperate attempt to return to Homeworld (Mirror Gem) • Lapis's cracked Gem is healed by Steven and she returns to Homeworld; the lake is restored (Waterfall Gem) Arc 3 • Pioneer Day is Celebrated in Gravity Falls; Dipper, Mabel, Steven, and Connie unfreeze President Quintin Trembley from his frozen state; the Northwest coverup is revealed and the kids discover Rose's secret armory (Irrational Treasure) • Pearl, Steven, the twins, Stan, and Greg attempt to build a space ship (Space Race) • Mabel, with Dipper and Steven's aid, helps Mermando return to the ocean (The Deep End) • Garnet reveals her future vision ability and Dipper uses her intel to break Wendy and Robbie Up (Future Vision) • Amethyst takes Steven and Dipper to the Kindergarten she was made in (On the Run) • Steven befriends Centipeedle, who is ultimately poofed trying to save him; the Gems and the Pines discover a labyrinth of frozen dinosaurs beneath Gravity Falls (Land Before Swine) • Steven discovers the tape Rose left behind for him in Lion's mane (Straight to Video) • Stan and Amethyst go on a revenge trip to get even with Gideon, narrowly avoiding arrest (Revenge Trip) • Gideon summons Bill Cipher to invade Stan's mind to acquire the code to the Mystery Shack safe; Bill is defeated by Dipper, Mabel, Steven, and Soos (Dreamscapers) • Gideon takes over the Mystery Shack by force and the Pines temporarily move into the temple; the Crystal Gems fuse into Alexandrite to save Steven and the twins from Gideon's robot; Gideon exposed as a fraud by Stan and is subsequently jailed (Gideon Rises) • Ford ends up on Homeworld, where he is quickly captured by Yellow Diamond's forces (Home Away From Homeworld) Arc 4 • Government Agents Powers and Trigger come to Gravity Falls to investigate strange readings coming from the town; The Pines fend off zombies with the help of the Crystal Gems (Scary-Oke) • Peridot arrives at the Galaxy Warp on a scouting mission; the kids later confront Peridot at the Prime Kindergarten (Marble Madness) • Dipper, Mabel, Steven, Amethyst, Garnet, Soos, and Wendy investigate the author's underground bunker and refreeze the shape shifter and recover the laptop; Amethyst is poofed three times and regenerates into a new form (Into the Bunker) • Lapis arrives back on Homeworld but is soon apprehended and interrogated by Peridot; she is subsequently imprisoned and meets Ford; the two plan an escape, but they are ultimately thwarted; Lapis flees back to Earth while Ford remains a prisoner of Yellow Diamond (Home Away from Homeworld/Dipper and Lapis) • Steven and Connie fuse into Stevonnie for the first time (Alone Together) • Steven and Mabel fuse into Maven for the first time (Together Forever) • Steven and Dipper fuse into Stepper for the first time; he fends off Peridot's attack robinoids (Forever Alone) • Lion retrieves Rose's Scabbard from the Strawberry Battlefield (Rose's Scabbard) • Steven, Dipper, and Mabel attempt to throw Soos a surprise party but are apprehended by the Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squardron and are defeat Blendin Blandin in Globnar (Blendin's Game) • Dipper discovers that Lapis has returned to Earth and is taking refuge in the waterfall cave; the two form a close friendship; Lapis warns the Crystal Gems that Peridot is returning with reinforcements (Dipper and Lapis) • Gravity Falls is evacuated; Stan stays behind and Dipper and Mabel return to help Steven and the Gems; Peridot and Jasper arrive on Earth and take Steven and the Crystal Gems captive; Dipper and Mabel stow away on their ship to rescue them (The Return) • Ruby and Sapphire refuse into Garnet; Garnet defeats Jasper; Peridot flees from the Crystal Gems; Lapis and Jasper fuse into Malachite; Malachite is trapped at the bottom of Lake Gravity Falls (Jailbreak) Arc 5 • The citizens of Gravity Falls begin repairing damage caused by the Gem Warship (Full Disclosure) • Steven, Dipper, Mabel, and the Cool Kids discover Peridot's escape pod, which is then apprehended by the Crystal Gems; Robbie and Tambry start dating (Joy Ride) • Mabel prepares for her sock puppet opera to impress Gabe Bensen with Steven's help; in trying to find out the password to the laptop to rescue Lapis, Dipper makes a deal with Bill Cipher and is possessed by him; Bill's plans to destroy Journal 3 are thwarted thanks to Mabel, Steven, and Connie (Sock Opera) • Dipper and Connie begin taking sword training lessons from Pearl (Do It For Them) • Ford escapes from Yellow Diamond and befriends the Off Colors; eventually, he manages to find a way off Homeworld altogether (Home Away from Homeworld) • Soos and Melody begin dating (Soos and the Real Girl) • Pearl entrusts Dipper with the Ancient Sea Blade; the Crystal Gems discover Peridot's location. After she escapes, the group happens upon a nest of forced fusions created from pieces of shattered gems (Keeping it Together) • The Mystery Kids, the Gems, Soos, and Wendy discover the Society of the Blind Eye and help McGucket recover his memories from them (Society of the Blind Eye) • The Northwests hold their annual party; Dipper and Pacifica work together to break the curse on the manor; Steven and Connie defeat a group of Gem mutants (Northwest Mansion Nightmare) • Ford goes to face Bill himself in the Nightmare Realm once more (Home Away From Homeworld) • Stan is arrested by the government agents; Dipper, Mabel, Steven, Soos and the Crystal Gems discover his shadowy past as well as the universe portal; The portal opens and Ford returns after 30 years, though he is unable to defeat Bill before he does (Not What He Seems) • Ford reunites with the Crystal Gems, who have no apparent recollection of him (A Tale of Two Stans) Arc 6 • Ford receives the letter Rose wrote to him; Steven discovers the memories that Rose took from the Crystal Gems and returns them (Lost and Found) • Garnet and Pearl fuse to form Sardonyx to destroy the Homeworld Communication Hub after Peridot rebuilds it. Amethyst and the kids learn that Pearl has been lying to Garnet about subsequent repairs to the Communication Hub, presumably done by Peridot, to keep fusing with her (Cry For Help) • Ford dismantles the universe portal, however doing so creates a rift in space and time, which Ford manages to contain   • Stan, Mabel, and Steven rescue Dipper, Ford, and Pearl from Probabilitor the Wizard; Pearl and Ford rekindle their former friendship; Ford creates the Sword of Seasons for Dipper and confides in him about the Rift (Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons) • Garnet unfuses into Ruby and Sapphire after a falling out between the two of them over Pearl's deception; the two eventually re-fuse (Evergreen Inn) • Stan runs for Mayor of Gravity Falls against Bud Gleeful and wins; however, due to Stan's extensive criminal record, Mayor Dewey ends up resuming his mayoral position (The Stanchurian Candidate) • Garnet and Pearl forgive each other and the Gems repair their friendship with Ford while trying to capture Peridot (Friend Ship) • Steven discovers his ability to venture into the dreams of others and uses this to communicate with Lapis; (spoilers); The kids and the Gems detail their respective histories with Bill to each other (Chille Tid) • Mabel, Candy, Grenda, Wendy, and Pearl collect unicorn hair to protect the shack and the temple from Bill Cipher; Dipper and Steven discover Ford's history with Bill (The Last Mabelcorn) • Peridot wanders the wilds of Gravity Falls where she (spoiler)  (Peridot in the Wild) • (spoiler) (Pyrite) • Steven and Mabel free Peridot, who escapes again and takes refuge in the shack's bathroom (Catch and Release) Arc 7 • Steven, Connie, Stan, Ford, Soos, and Wendy go camping; Garnet and the twins track down an escaped Peridot while also dealing with a substantial threat from an escaped Gideon (Camping Adventure) • Peridot reveals to the kids that a massive cluster composed of millions of shattered gems is incubating below the earth and is due to form and destroy the planet (To Con a Clod) • The Crystal Gems and the Pines use Greg's family barn as a base to build a machine that can stop the cluster; Ford and McGucket reunite and reconcile (Bot Battle) • Stepper is formed again to aid in Ford's research; Stepper fuses with Mabel to form Dipevebel for the first time; Steven discovers his floating abilities (Three's a Crowd) • Steven turns 14 (Steven's Birthday) • Pacifica assists Dipper and Peridot in collecting Titan's Ore for the construction of the drill; Peridot discovers her abilities to manipulate metal; Steven, Connie, and Mabel form Mabonnven for the first time (Peridot and Pacifica) • The Crystal Gems travel to a Homeworld base on the moon where Peridot reveals the Homeworld's original plans to colonize and drain the earth of its natural resources; Peridot confronts Yellow Diamond and defects from Homeworld, becoming an official member of the Crystal Gems; the Crystal Gems and the Pines learn of Yellow Diamond's alliance with Bill Cipher (Message Received) • Dipper tags along with the Gems to confront Malachite and Rescue Lapis Lazuli; the Sword of Seasons is lost (Out Too Far) • Steven, Mabel, Peridot, and Ford use the drill to travel to the cluster, where Steven is able to contain the geoweapon (In Too Deep) Arc 8 • Steven and Dipper help Lapis adjust to life on Earth. Lapis reluctantly moves into the Barn with Peridot, but eventually warms up to her (Same Old World) • A squad of Rubies arrive on Earth to retrieve Jasper, but are tricked into leaving following a baseball game with the Crystal Gems and the Pines (Hit the Diamond) • Dipper and Pacifica start dating (Mismatched Making) • Greg becomes a millionaire and finally settles his differences with Pearl over Rose (Mr. Greg) • Steven further develops his mental powers by accidentally taking over an unwitting Stan (The New Stan) • Stevonnie, Maven, and Stepper take Kevin and his friends on in a street race (Gravity Falls Drift) • (spoiler), causing its inhabitants to undergo monstrous transformations; Steven learns more about the Gem War and reunites Centipeedle with her own kind (Monster Falls) • Jasper returns and nearly forces Lapis to fuse with her once more before being thwarted (Alone on the Lake) • Small interdimensional gaps begin forming around Gravity Falls • Steven and Dipper end up getting trapped in the Nightmare Realm and form Stepper to take on Bill; (spoiler); (spoiler) (Rifts) • (spoiler); (spoiler); (spoiler); Ford tells the Gems about the Rift (Memories) • The Pines and the Gems face Bill in the Nightmare Realm; (spoiler); (spoiler); (spoiler) ends up tearing wider holes in the dimensional fabric that possibly lead to other parallel dimensions (Dimensions) Arc 9 • Ford details his grand unified theory of weirdness to Dipper; Steven, Mabel, and Connie discover that Jasper is amassing an army of corrupted Gems (Theories of Weirdness) • The Mystery Kids discover a dimension where Steven is Yellow Diamond's son and the twins have used magic to practically take over the town (Played in Reverse) • The Pines and the Gems travel to a dimension where the kids are adults and the adults are children (Its All Relativity) • Amethyst is poofed by Jasper, who is defeated when Steven, Dipper, and Connie fuse to form Convenper for the first time; Lapis and Peridot adopt a kitten, which they name Dippurr (Crack the Whip) • Stan and Amethyst recruit the kids and the other Gems in helping them with their most ambitious revenge scheme yet (Revenge Trap) • Steven accidentally releases Bismuth from her bubble inside Lion's mane. Bismuth reconnects with the surviving Crystal Gems and provides upgrades for their weapons. The kids learns the reason for Bismuth's imprisonment and is forced to bubble her again. Afterward, they explains her imprisonment to the Gems (Bismuth) • The kids happen into a dimension where their personality traits seem to be completely switched around and where Lapis, Peridot, and Jasper are the Crystal Gems (Opposites Attract) • Steven and Connie officially become a couple; Dipper and Pacifica nearly break up but reconcile their conflicting emotions (Double Date) • The kids, Stan, Amethyst, and Peridot track Jasper to the Beta Kindergarten. They discover Jasper's origins along with what has happened to the Corrupted Gems; Amethyst and Steven form Smoky Quartz for the first time while fighting Jasper. Jasper becomes corrupted after attempting to fuse with a Gem Monster and is subsequently defeated by Peridot (Earthlings) • The Rubies return to Earth. Amethyst (disguised as Jasper) convinces them to take herself and the other Crystal Gems and the Pines to the Moon Base. Upon arrival, Eyeball, as a firsthand witness, confirms that Rose Quartz shattered Pink Diamond. Eventually, Amethyst's deception is discovered and the Rubies attack. Sardonyx knocks the Rubies (and Steven and Mabel, by accident) into space (Back to the Moon) • Steven, Mabel, and the Rubies become stranded in deep space. Steven and Mabel fuse into Maven to survive; they find Eyeball and rescue her, eventually revealing Rose's gemstone. Believing Maven/Steven is Rose Quartz, Eyeball attempts to shatter them, forcing them to eject Eyeball back into space. After some time, Maven is saved by the Crystal Gems and the other Pines, having hijacked the Rubies' Roaming Eye ship. On the ride back to Earth, the Crystal Gems confirm and justify Rose's actions toward Pink Diamond (Bubbled) Arc 9 • Jheselbraum the Unswerving arrives in Gravity Falls and reveals to Ford an ancient prophecy that might contain the power needed to finally defeat Bill once and for all (Jheselbraum the Unswerving) • Steven, Dipper, Mabel, and Connie fuse to form Stonipbel for the first time (Mindful Education) • The kids find a largely peaceful dimension where they themselves are teenagers (The Mystery Teens) • Pearl meets Mystery Girl (Last One Out of Gravity Falls) • The Pines and the Gems find a dimension where Steven is a normal human and the twins are both half Gems (A Swap of Fate) • Steven creates Pumpkin as a pet for Lapis and Peridot; Andy DeMayo reconnects with his estranged cousin Greg over a family dinner with Steven, the Gems, and the Pines (Gem Harvest) • Steven and the twins accidentally travel both back in time and (spoiler) to an alternate dimension to right before Ford was sucked into the portal; Bill possesses Blendin Blandin (Time Tangled) • Steven attempts to "connect" with his mother inside of her room; meanwhile, Dipper and Mabel start to grow further and further apart (Storm in the Room) • Dipper, Ford, Steven, and Peridot investigate Crash Site Omega to find a sealant that can repair the cracked Rift; Mabel recruits the Gems in helping her plan for her and Dipper's upcoming birthday party (Vs. the Future Part 1) • Dipper and Mabel have an immense falling out after Dipper agrees to be Ford's apprentice and stay in Gravity Falls; Mabel unknowingly hands the rift over to a Bill-possessed Blendin; Bill breaks the Rift and Weirdmageddon commences (Vs. the Future Part 2) Arc 11 • Weirdmageddon begins as Bill easily takes over Gravity Falls; Yellow Diamond and her forces arrive to make good on the deal between the two; (spoiler) ; the journals are destroyed, Ford is turned to gold and captured by Bill; Mabel is captured by Bill and kept in a dream-inducing bubble; the Crystal Gems are scattered; (spoiler) ; (spoiler) ; (spoiler)  (Welcome to Weirdmageddon) • Dipper wanders the apocalyptic Gravity Falls alone for three days before being found by Lapis; (spoiler) ; Garnet and Connie team up to (spoiler)  (Alone At the End) • Amethyst and a group of other survivors take refuge in the bunker where they encounter both McGucket and the shapeshifter; Dipper and Lapis run into Wendy, Soos, and Pearl and face off against Gideon and his cronies in an attempt to rescue Mabel (Out of the Bunker) • Dipper convinces Mabel to leave her self-created fantasy world behind; (spoiler); Bill and Yellow Diamond realize that they are both confined to Gravity Falls thanks to a weirdness barrier/gem destabilizer trap (spoiler) ; Amethyst and her group make it to the Mystery Shack, where Stan has been hiding out on his own (Escape from Reality) • Dipper, Mabel, Pearl, Lapis, Soos, and Wendy reunite with Garnet, Connie, and Peridot, who have (spoiler); (spoiler); the collective group arrives at the Mystery Shack and takes up refuge there; (spoiler); (Love Like You) • The survivors at the shack rally themselves to face Bill and Yellow Diamond and save the town and begin constructing a massive robot out of the shack in order to do so; Bill attempts to coerce Ford into revealing the secret behind the weirdness barrier so he can take over the entire world, (spoiler)  (Rise of the Resistance) • The resistance takes both the Henchmaniacs and Yellow's forces head on in a massive assault; a small group manages to sneak into the Fearamid in order to rescue Ford; the statuefied townsfolk are freed and (spoiler)  (Take Back the Falls) • In an attempt to defeat Bill, the members of the prophesied zodiac wheel gather together; their attempt is ultimately discovered by Bill, who apprehends all of its members save for the Pines and the Gems; the Mystery Kids narrowly manage to escape however, but are eventually captured by Bill and handed over to Yellow Diamond (Wheel of Destiny) • (spoiler); the Gems and the Pines free their captured friends and allies, but are unable to reform the wheel as they are all separated once again (Of Diamonds and Demons) • (spoiler) ; Stan tricks Bill into entering his mind, where he is ultimately defeated when Ford erases his mind; Weirdmageddon ends and Yellow Diamonds' forces retreat (The Universe Falls) • The statued remains of Bill Cipher are lost in the forest of Gravity Falls; the town begins to recover from Weirdmageddon; (spoiler); The Mystery Shack gets reconstructed. Stan recovers his memories with the help of Mabel's scrapbook and old home movies of Ford and Stan's childhood. Soos finds the Journals in the woods unharmed; McGucket becomes wealthy and buys the now-ousted Northwest Mansion and (spoiler); (spoiler) ;en route back to Homeworld, Yellow Diamond begins planning a new bioweapon initiative involving humans (Everything Stays) • Dipper and Mabel celebrate their 13th birthday with all of the townsfolk at the Mystery Shack, Stan Pines retires and gives ownership of the Mystery Shack to Soos. The family decides to throw the journals into the Bottomless Pit; (spoiler); Dipper and Mabel leave Gravity Falls to return home to Piedmont; (spoiler); the Mystery Kids promise to meet up again in Gravity Falls the following year

Between Stories

• (spoiler)  • Stan and Ford set sail to hunt down anomalies all over the world together • Dipper and Mabel return to school but largely keep the details of their summer in Gravity Falls to themselves • Yellow Diamond's human-bioweapon initiative kicks off, with humans from Pink Diamond's zoo being utilized as subjects; all of these subjects end up failing however, due to the severity of the process • Yellow Diamond commissions the creation of an Amber to oversee the biological status of humans utilized in her project; she also appoints Hessonite to serve as the supervising commander • (spoiler) • Pacifica forms a friendship with Candy and Grenda while the twins are away; due to her family recently falling out of money, she takes up a job at Greasy's Diner to pick up the slack • Soos hires Melody on at the Mystery Shack; he eventually purposes to her and the two are engaged • Steven, Connie, and the Gems visit Dipper and Mabel in Piedmont around the holidays; the Mystery Kids spend their Christmas together • (spoiler) 

Universe Falls 2 (as far as I know right now)

Arc 1 • Dipper and Mabel return to Gravity Falls for the summer; (spoiler) and the Mystery Kids reunite; Stan and Ford are the last to return and a celebration is held to kick off the beginning of summer • (spoiler)  • (spoiler) Arc 2 (SU events) • Steven investigates a strange dream he is having, despite frequent warnings from Garnet. After Blue Diamond abducts Greg and Stan in Korea, Steven, the twins, Ford and the Crystal Gems travel to Pink Diamond's Zoo to rescue them. Lapis, Peridot, and Connie are charged with protecting Earth in their stead • Despite issues with the Roaming Eye's gravity drive, the group arrives at Pink Diamond's Zoo. While Holly Blue Agate gives Sapphire, Ruby, and Pearl a tour of the facility, Steven and the twins are inserted into the Human Zoo and reunites with Greg and Stan; meanwhile, Ford goes off on his own to attempt a solo rescue • Despite a comfortable existence inside the Zoo, Greg and Stan ultimately reject the "choosening" ceremony of the other humans. Steven, the twins, Greg, and Stan are subsequently captured by the intervening Amethyst guards • Brought to the guard quarters, the group is surprised that Amethyst has quickly befriended her sisters, both for their common heritage and mutual dislike of Holly Blue Agate; not long after Ford barges in and reunites with Stan • While Holly Blue browbeats the guards into preparing for Blue Diamond's surprise return, Steven, Greg, and the Pines take refuge in a large room full of bubbled Rose Quartzes, hiding when Blue Diamond arrives to pay her respects. Yellow Diamond enters immediately after, attempting to convince Blue to move on. • The Universes and the Pines sneak back out while Sapphire stalls Holly and the Diamonds for time. Upon entering the hangar, Holly catches the humans attempting to escape. She tries to stop them, but is thwarted by Garnet and the others. The group successfully escape the Zoo Arc 3 (SU events only (mostly) • While the Gems and the Pines are away, Connie, Lapis, and Peridot protect Gravity Falls with help from Pacifica, McGucket, Soos, and Wendy, only to lead to disastrous results • The Gems and the Pines return to Earth • Navy crash-lands on Earth. Posing as a defector, she eventually steals back the Roaming Eye and escapes into space • The Mystery Kids do a stakeout with Mr. Maheswaran, though the culprit is not who they suspect • The Mystery Kids and the Gems investigate several mysterious disappearances, including Stan and Ford's; the kids encounter Aquamarine and Topaz for the first time, and Connie and Mabel are captured in the process • Stepper and the Crystal Gems confront Aquamarine and Topaz, with the former explaining their reason for visiting Earth. In order to save his friends, Steven reveals his mother's gemstone and turns himself in (spoiler) and the other Mystery Kids reveal their role in defeating Yellow Diamond last summer; though Steven manages to push Connie off the ship, he is unable to do the same for Dipper and Mabel and the trio is whisked off to Homeworld • The kids discover that Lars is still on the ship. Nevertheless, Aquamarine and Topaz escort them to Homeworld. Topaz tries to help the kids and Lars escape, but to no avail • Put on trial for Rose Quartz's crime of shattering Pink Diamond, Steven (represented by a blue defending Zircon) goes up against the Diamonds (represented by a yellow prosecuting Zircon). Steven learns that his mother may not be responsible for the shattering. Both Zircons are poofed by Yellow Diamond • Steven, Mabel, and Lars escape the Diamonds using Blue's palanquin, but Dipper is seperated from them in his attempt to keep Yellow Diamond from catching them • Steven, Mabel, and Lars  meet a group of rogue "off color" Gems (Padparadscha, the Rutile Twins, Rhodonite, and Fluorite). Lars is killed by an explosion while protecting the group from a pack of Robonoids • Steven revives Lars with his tears, causing him to turn pink and gain powers similar to Lion. Steven and Mabel use Lars' pocket dimension to return to Earth, while Lars and the Off Colors stay behind to search for an alternate way home while also promising to try and find Dipper Arc 4 (SU events (partially) • Connie gets mad at Steven for not working together to save their friends and Steven giving himself up in the fight against Aquamarine and Topaz and leaves, upset; distraught over what happened to Dipper, the Pines frantically began planning out a way to rescue him; Lion goes missing; Mayor Dewey resigns from his post, allowing Tyler Cutebiker to take his place • Despite her promise to Blue to safely deposit him at the zoo, Yellow Diamond interrogates Dipper on his knowledge of Rose Quartz and has her Peridots cut his arm off, initiating him in the "process" • Dipper is placed in the care of Amber and is subjected to physical and mental torture over the course of several weeks in order to transform him into Yellow Diamond's personal assassin • To try and comfort Steven and Mabel, the Gems and the Pines take them on a brief vacation (while all the while stressing about Dipper's unknown fate) • Kevin returns and invites the Mystery Kids to his party; Mabel reunites with Gabe Bensen and harshly refutes his advances on her; Connie and Steven make amends and leave on Lion as their relationship is finally recovered • During this time, Lars and the Off Colors escape from Homeworld and become a rebel cell against the Homeworld Gems; despite searching as much of Homeworld as they could, they are ultimately unable to find and rescue Dipper • With Amber's assistance, Dipper records a farewell message for his friends and family back on Earth • Unable to resist any longer, Dipper succumbs to the brainwashing forced upon him by Yellow Diamond and becomes "Stonemason"; he is outfitted with a shapeshifting metallic arm and is sent to hunt down "Rose Quartz" and shatter her • Steven, Connie, and Mabel visit Lars and the Off Colors, only to be shot down by an Emerald while protecting Lars' new ship • The kids get stranded on an alien planet; Stevonnie learns more about Pink Diamond's past while Mabel encounters the mysterious Stonemason, who forces her to take him to "Rose Quartz"; after a brief skirmish with Stonemason, the Mystery Kids escape thanks to Lars • Stonemason arrives on earth and begins perusing Steven and the Crystal Gems • Mabonnven fights Stonemason and ends up unmasking him, revealing his true identity as Dipper; the Pines and the Gems begin plotting out how to free Dipper from Yellow Diamond's control Arc 5 (mostly original) • Yellow Diamond commands Stonemason to attack Gravity Falls in order to lure "Rose" out; he does so, damaging much of the town and harming several civilians • The Pines and the Gems receive Dipper's supposedly final message to them and are inspired to continue looking for a way to save him • Thanks to continued interactions with his friends and family, Dipper starts to break through his Stonemason conditioning and fight back against Yellow Diamond's control • After several skirmishes and fights, the Gems apprehend Stonemason; (spoiler) Dipper beats Stonemason's presence in his mind back, allowing him to resume control once more • As a result of Yellow's conditioning, however, Dipper is still left in a servantile state of quiet obedience until Pearl helps him break free of it; the other Mystery Kids assist Dipper in his mental recovery Arc 6 • Steven introduces Garnet and Dipper to the Off Colors; Garnet tells Lars and the Off Colors the origins of Rose Quartz and the Rebellion • Lapis Lazuli leaves Earth once again and takes the Barn, not wanting to get caught in the middle of another war with the Diamonds; (spoiler)  • Peridot, the twins, Steven, Amethyst, and Ford return to the Kindergarten to turn it into an actual garden in order to cheer Peridot up, but instead encounter a Flower Monster. Peridot gets over the fact that Lapis left her. • Garnet adopts a one-eyed stray kitten and names it "Cat Steven" • Dipper is met with resistance and anger when trying to reintegrate himself into Gravity Falls as a result of the destruction Stonemason caused; Pacifica intervenes and quells the townsfolks' anger • (spoiler) Arc 7 • The kids discover that Lapis has taken up refuge on the moon; they find her there and (continue when ideas are fully flashed out) • Steven goes inside Pearl to find her phone and discovers that Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond, which shocks Garnet and Amethyst, and the Pines • Garnet unfuses and Sapphire becomes mad at Ruby, saying that Rose Quartz lied to them and leaves, upset; Dipper also leaves, outraged that all of the torture he was put through was essentially for nothing; Steven, Pearl, Stan, and Ford check on Sapphire and Pearl tells Steven and Sapphire the story of how Pink Diamond became Rose Quartz; (spoiler) she also reveals the original deal Rose/Pink made with Bill, which outrages Ford; eventually, everyone returns home, only to find that Ruby and Amethyst are not here • Upset by the uselessness of their shared suffering, Dipper and Stonemason reach an agreement that they will work in conjunction with one another towards the eventual goal of shattering Yellow Diamond as revenge