#glad to know his hobby is also part of his job now lol

[bubblebuckys]

my recent sierra six kick, a fever, and watching barbie before taking a nap, made for a hell of a dream lmao

im putting this here so i can go back and remember this dream but also if anyone is interested in taking a look and maybe having a little giggle

i was a new barbie in barbieland, specifically the ordinary barbie gloria pitches toward the end of the movie and so i wasn’t always as bubbly as the other barbies and had ordinary hobbies and an ordinary home and job. so i felt like i couldn’t relate to the other barbie and kens even though they tried befriending me.

so they still invited me to all the parties that i never went to, except for the latest one because i was trying to fit in more. but apparently i wasn’t the only party irregular. enter: trained agent ken, who received a depression-barbie-slash-lucas-lee-style introduction, zoom-ins and explosions and all. he’s quiet, he’s mysterious, guarded, and, yes, very much just court gentry renamed as ken. apparently he and ryan gosling!ken were distant cousins.

i was at the sidelines of the party avoiding the choreographed dance—and my feelings about not knowing the steps as the others did. everyone else not part of the dance (but definitely aware of it’s steps) was excitedly greeting six/ken, so glad he made it back safe from his last mission. they asked him how it was, if he ever got injured during, if he had a gun, if his enemies had guns. has he ever gotten shot? how does that even feel? he understood their fascination because there aren’t weapons in babieland and it was just child-like interest, but it was overwhelming for him nonetheless. because, reminder, this ken is quiet and mysterious.

and so he managed to escape the ones asking questions and now, he, too, was avoiding the dance. turning away whenever any of the other barbies and kens got close enough they would have recognized him if he hadn’t. at one turn mermaid!barbie had been behind him, just about to make eye contact so he jumped behind the tree that i had been leaning against on the other side of and so he hadn’t seen me. i jumped and spilled whatever drink i had onto the floor and turned just to see who had bumped into me.

six!ken felt bad when he heard my drink fall because he knew how extravagant the clothes were and so he stayed so he could apologize instead of running before i noticed who he was. none of the drink actually fell on my clothes though, so he saw that while my outfit was pretty it was not as outrageous (i wouldn’t use that word but i cant think of a better one) as the others. he also realized he had never met me.

i forget what i said but I was a little rude, which kind of impressed six!ken, im guessing because everyone is so nice in babrieland that he hadn’t been expecting that?, but other than that he disregarded it. he bluntly stated that i was new, and after some attitude on both ends we introduced ourselves. ken decided to stay talking to me because after i learned about his job i only made a comment about it sounding dangerous before i moved on.

we spent the rest of the night talking casually, nothing too deep, and by the end of it i was invited to stay for girls night. i promised i would stay next time because it was way past the time i usually went to sleep, and then six!ken offered to walk me home even though i just lived down the street (his spidey-senses were tingling)

BUT! in the middle of the night someone broke into my house and they were trying to kidnap me. i was fighting but obviously i was not a fighter. which is when six!ken showed up and fought off the four strange men, where he came from we dont know, and he told me we had go to the real world to hide and get answers.

and unfortunately that’s when i woke up :((

(also this is never explicitly mentioned but six!ken is regularly going to and leaving the real world and somehow its not messing up reality ? but wtv. and this is basically where the sierra program came into play in this universe lol. since we have that part in barbie where the cia/fbi calls mattel to let them know a barbie is on the loose we know they are aware of the possibility of these dolls coming to life. and because the sierra program is just the cia using people who have no record of existence to complete missions off the books, who’s a better candidate for that than a fucking ken doll, right?)

[chatgroove]

How about 🎹🍀🍩 for Ollie?? :'O - Aria

OLLIE BABY YEAAAAAH!! Thank you I love him ;;

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies?

Besides reading up on medical journals, Ollie really likes collecting stamps. He knows it sounds silly, but he's been doing it so for many years now he's got a big binder of them. He also loves watching dramas and crying over them with Sven.

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

Ahhh that's a story and a half LOL He was originally inspired by a (now ex) friend from my high school years. He was originally made as a joke but I developed him so hard that he broke out of that and became so beloved to me, I can't even associate him with that person anymore LOL And I'm glad about that.

🍩 -Who is your OC’s arch-nemesis or rival?

Basically anyone who would hurt Sven or that Sven hates, Ollie will say he hates too. He doesn't hate a lot of people and he doesn't have a lot of enemies lol He's too nice most of the time. However, during the arcs when Sven is a ''''''villain''''''', he has to act the part. He doesn't do a good job at it.

Oh but Gideon is on his shit list for sure. Fck that guy for real lol

[kosuukeh]

2019/01/18 -  Kousuke will appear in ‘Tsurizaru’, a fishing program which features several fishing-lover stage actors, scheduled for broadcast as preshow in May. A pre-program support event is to be held on March 3. 

More details will be updated from time to time~

Official twitter - https://twitter.com/TsurizaruU Official website - https://officeinveider.wixsite.com/tsurizaru

Source: [x][x][x][x]

[tarysande]

Hi, Tara! I hope you're having a wonderful day!

For the director's commentary: when you say 'where you THINK you see' the story going, does that mean AHoD hasn't been plotted out completely? Or that the end is planned, but how you're getting there isn't? Or something else entirely? (Maybe this is more of a general writing question instead of something AHoD-specific, lol.)

Hopefully that's not too spoiler-y! Regardless, it's really awesome to hear your look back at Grace Notes has been pleasant! AHoD (and all of Grace Notes in general) has been one of my favorite fics for years, finished or not. Like, in the top five, easily!

Also, uh, please cut this next bit if you want if you reply to the above, because this is maybe kind of sappy and/or really weird? I found AHoD back when there were only 50-ish chapters, which led me to your blog here, and that was kind of a jumping-off point for me in terms of finding people who could relate to things I didn't have words for or felt I couldn't share with people around me at the time, years and years ago--asexuality/demisexuality, burnout, ADHD, depression, and other mental health related struggles, and, like, caring enough about my own writing to hone it instead of treating it as a self-indulgent hobby? It was just really heartening for awkward-teenage-girl-me in a small town to log onto tumblr and see an older, successful woman dealing with the kinds of things I was, and just--existing, I suppose. Like, proof I'd be alright and wasn't alone.

In short, thanks for being you, I guess? And I hope things keep going well for you in all you do! Have a great day!

Gosh, thank you for the lovely message! I'm so glad you found your way here, and that it encouraged you (from one demi, ADHD, sometimes-depressed, sometimes-burned-out writer making it through to another!). I know that, for me, the feeling of not being alone has always been such a huge part of what makes tumblr home. A bit like you, I had older fandom women I looked up to (and who helped me) when I was in my late teens and early twenties. I'm still in touch with most of them! And someday, you'll be that person to a new generation of teenagers trying to figure themselves out. It's kind of magical.

Now, as for your AHOD/writing question: It's not too spoilery. I'm definitely of the plantser school of writing—throw down the seeds and wait to see what comes up, keeping my fingers crossed that the seeds in the packets are what they say they are. It's a bit ironic, really, since so much of my work as an editor is about weeding the gardens of other writers. I'm really good at it!

But it's harder to weed one's own WIP because sometimes weird plants start sprouting and you can't just pull them up; you have to adapt to them. They're already in the garden, and people want to see what becomes of them because they have no idea that I, the gardener, did not entirely anticipate all the flowers they see. My job is to make it seem like those weeds were intentional!

For AHOD, specifically, I've always known certain emotional beats/character growth moments I want to hit. I knew I wanted to tie up a lot of the loose ends I found unsatisfactory with the game's ending. I knew I wanted to dig into the things I'd devised that made my Shepard's backstory unique, like her time with the Callahans, her relationship with her parents, and the strengths and weaknesses of her psychology as I envisioned it.

I always knew I wanted to explore What Comes After War. There's a quote that's been hanging on my wall for a long time: "In war, many things are acceptable. You kill and there seem to be no consequences. But there are consequences—they just come after." (Vitka Kempner-Kovner)

I've always been obsessed with the consequences that come after action.

On the surface, it's a video game. Killing bad guys is part of the mechanics. But BioWare did such a good job of giving me people to care about that I wanted to ... help them recover, but without pulling any punches. I wanted to make their sacrifices and suffering and losses count, if that makes sense, because ... isn't that what we all want? Even if our pain isn't on the scale of Reaper invasions and intergalactic war, there's something universal about facing the lowest lows and somehow still clinging to hope long enough that the hope turns into the first steps of recovery, of rebirth, of growth.

So, tl;dr: Even though I think I know where the plot is headed, I remain open to the possibility that the specifics will change, because they usually do—for the better. Trying to herd the characters in my head onto a specific path only ever backfires on me.

Plus, getting to discover the details along the way makes ye olde ADHD braine happy!

[mxvladdy]

I can't stress enough 'wows' in tve way you write along with the fact that it's you first few posts (i think? Pls correct me) can you do luci mammon and satan with a reader who takes naps bc of overthinking? They just tug their sleeves and shot them a tired look, while looking down shying away. Also, have a nice day and take the time to be yourself!

Aw thanks fam! I am fairly new to posting my works, I tried twice before this with two different writing blogs but I deleted them both bc I felt discouraged. I’m older now and I feel a lot better about my writing, so third time the charm and all that lol! I’m so glad you like my writing! I know I need some work on grammar and expanding my vocabulary.  

This was a super cute prompt ;.; I hope I did it justice!

Lucifer

He is a mix of jealous and pissed. He wishes he could fall asleep so easily when he gets inundated with too many things at once. But also- just don’t do that? Where were your manners?

He starts noticing your little peculiarity in class. Specifically that you tend to nod off in advance alchemy and rune scripting. You were being so studious, jotting down notes, ask great questions. Next thing he knows you're out like a light.

He is shocked for a moment before he will wake you up. Your wide doe-eyed frown does nothing to him. JK his hearts clench at your wounded look.

He makes the other brothers report to him about your behavior and odd sleep habit. Were you ill? Was this just something humans did? Devils, was Belphie rubbing off on you?

They all say the same thing. One moment you are working hard or talking to them about a topic you are passionate about, and the next you are yawning hard enough to pop your jaw and shyly asking to lay down.

Well-he can’t have that.

If you are going to fall asleep around anyone it’s going to be him.

He sets up remedial lessons with you after dinner to make up for the work slept through. You sit by him at his long ornate desk while he tutors you on what you missed.

You weren't having any problems,  you even finished a few pages. He is proud and then-

“I can almost hear those gears slowing my dear.” Lucifer interrupts himself mid-explanation of Zosimos of Panopolis and Maria the Prophetess's theories of alchemy in human medicine.

You jerk awake and turn to him blinking owlishly. "Yeah, I just need to lay down." You admit.

Lucifer eyes you critically. This was sudden, were you ill? You had been fine moments ago, bright-eyed and enthusiastic. He cups your face, turning it from side to side. "So suddenly? We haven't even discussed the properties of mercury yet." You hum letting your eyes droop. He was always so warm.

"Hour nap break? Please?" His stern gaze softens at how your nose scrunches up cutely as you yawn.

“Very well.” He relents letting you slick over to his couch. You flop over face first with a grunt of satisfaction. You toss and turn for a while, moving his pillows around unsatisfied.

“Luci-” You call in defeat. He ignores you at first. If you wanted to nap fine, he would get some work done in the meantime. “Luci~” You say again. You could see his brow twitching. “Lu-”

“My dear,” He shoots you a withering look. “You are treading a thin line. If you have the energy to call for me you have the energy to study.” You say nothing at his brisk tone, instead of opening your arms to him to join you. “You tempt me.” He purrs hiding his smile behind his paperwork.

“Learned from the best.” Lucifer shakes his head laughing at your smug reply. He glances over you to his grandfather clock. Hmmm-perhaps he could spare a few minutes. He rises elegantly discarding his tie and waistcoat to his abandoned chair. Running a hand through his hair he snorts at your little whistle.

“Move.” He commands. You shake your head patting your belly. “I will crush you.” He laughs but lays over you regardless.

“Good-you’re warm.” You say muffled in his shirt. Wrapping your arms around his middle you drift off. Lucifer holds you close, running a still gloved hand up and down your side. Perhaps he should bring out some more complex topics next time. If this was the outcome-

Mammon

He noticed you get drowsy before in class. Your cute little head jerks as you nod off, hands rubbing at your face as you fight to stay awake before giving in to the need to sleep. It was adorable- not that he was watching you because of that! He was just doing his job of looking out for you

Ye-that was all.

Honestly, he thought you were just like him. He never cared for the books being forced on him in class. Boring useless crap in his opinion. He much rather sleep through a lecture on stats too.

Now books on photography? That's where it's at. He has a legitimate passion for it.

He likes being behind the camera just as much as he likes being in front of it. Though he doesn't snap photos often.

He doesn't need more beratement from his brothers than he already gets. Sides, he just feels like they would look down at this like everything else he does.

He'll share his hobby with you though. You at least seem interested in it. He'll show you his collection of vintage to high-tech cameras and talk your ear off about the makes, models, and features.

You nod along and ask questions from time to time, smiling along with Mammon while he prattles on about color theory next to you on the floor.

He was just getting to Auguste Lumiére when he feels a gentle bump on his shoulder.

"O-oi!" Mammon starts, shaking his shoulder to rouse you. You look up at him, blinking the sleep from your eyes. "Was...was I that boring?" He deflates a little, all previous excitement gone in a flash. You had seemed so interested...

"What? Oh, no. No Mammon I'm sorry. It's really all fascinating," You grab for his sleeve so he couldn't run away. "It was just a lot of information all at once. I just got a bit overwhelmed."

"So you fall asleep?" He raises a brow not believing you for a second. Who falls asleep when something is interesting? He'll admit he's fallen asleep while listening to Levi talk about a new anime or Asmo with a make-up release.  But that's because it had been boring. "Is that like a human thing?"

You shrug snuggling closer. "I don't know- but it's a me thing. Give me five? I'd love to hear you talk more about your collection, promise."

Mammon glows scarlet at your words. "Of course you do!" He puffs out his chest excitedly. “I got great taste.” You nod into his shirt before drifting off again. He tilts his head slightly to look at you chuckling internally when your breathing and heartbeat slow down. Damn, out in seconds. Well, better get comfortable.

Uncrossing his long legs he picks up the camera he had been showing you. The old Polaroid lens reflects his face back at him. He remembered the day Land had debuted this marvel of engineering. He just had had to get his hands on one. It was useless now, he had much better quality cameras than this old thing, but he remembered you reminiscing about your human friends and their portable camera. Would you take some pictures with him too? He would take one now, but the sound of the flash would definitely wake you up.

He fiddles with it for a few more minutes, opening and closing the film canister and checking for any parts that needed fixing as he waits. You stir at his side a few minutes later with a little mew of satisfaction. Mammon hears your joints creak and pop as you stretch. "Morning." He says sarcastically, earning himself a light punch to his shoulder. "Ready to continue?"

You nod eagerly, perky and aware. At least for the moment.

Satan

He didn't really notice at first the pattern of your behavior.

You would come over for book club. Which was really just him reading his current novel and you picking something at random to gain a little random knowledge.

You would find a comfortable position on his bed, curl up nice and small and read. Then after a bit yawn and start to snooze.

He first thought it was the atmosphere of his room. It was quiet, warm, and the sound of flickering candles and the rustle of paper sometimes caused him to doze too.

But when it starts happening outside of class he notices.

Hmmm….this is new.

He looks it up in his human anatomy books and finds nothing.

He's not particularly worried about you per se. You always bounce back quickly after a quick snooze.

Then you start dozing when he is talking… >:(

Like his brother/dad he is a little miffed at first but then your behavior reminds him a cat and he loves you 10x harder now

Satan stops in his pacing of the back gardens. His book of poetry hanging limply in his hand. He had been reciting some of the most fascinating lines of work from Lord Byron's later works and wanted a human's perspective. He had thought you were interested. You never complained before when he asked you out here. Perhaps you were just being polite all those times before. Anything to soothe wrath. He snaps his book shut sharply, take some perverse satisfaction in the way you start out of your light sleep at the noise.

"Why'd you stop?" You ask wiping at your face.

"No point talking to someone that doesn't wish to listen." He snaps tersely.

"Oh-Satan, no I was listening. It...it just got to be so much so fast." You flush. “You had some great points going, I just needed a minute.” He watches your eyes grow heavy again, and it dawns on him.

"Do you just sleep when overwhelmed?" He asks incredulously. In all his years with humans, this was new. You shrug making grabby hands for him to move closer. He scoffs but moves into your space. You grab at the hem of his shirt and pull him down to sit next to you. He goes willingly getting comfortable by your side. You eye his lap longingly, hands clutching around his coat sleeve. “Fine-” He rolls his eyes. “Come here you odd thing.” You smile in triumph and crawl into his lap. Once settled you nuzzle into his warm chest.

“Wake me up in ten? I want to hear more about your conversations with Byron.”

“I’ll hold you to it.” He kisses the top of your forehead, opening his book to read again with one hand. You hum at his soft kiss, returning it sleepily with one of your own before passing out again. Ten minutes go by in an instant and Satan looks down at your peaceful face. He smiles to himself, perhaps he’ll let you sleep for a little while longer. You’d need it for his next point.  

[hidheim]

Hey, I think this art series you're doing is really awesome, so I'm curious -- what inspired you to do this? Were you taking some art study class and wanted to try emulating parts of your favorites, or is browsing through art just a hobby and you thought this could be fun?

Also, how did you end up choosing which artists would be in this? Did you have ideas for what the drawings you would do for them would look like beforehand?

...That was a lot of questions oops, I just really like this idea and want to know more lol.

It took me some time to forge a response because GusArt was an open project back then. Also, I knew it would be an exhaustive answer.

The story of this venture is that I've found a postcard with Orlík's reproduction lying at my place. It's the thing I do: collect museum merch like a madman. While looking at it, I thought how awesome and underrated Orlík is, and it would be cool if more people knew about him. Note that I was right after #gustholomuleweek21, and since my brain mainly operates on 'random,' the brain cells somehow brew the idea of combining The Owl House fanart with getting exposure to dead people.

Long story short, Emil Orlík sparked the GusArt into existence. The idea seems like a fun project, but it would take more than one artist to keep things spicy and investing, so I've gathered more names on my Sticky Notes list. But I'll get into details of the said list in a moment. So that's the 'Art' part of GusArt. The first half refers to Augustus Porter himself, my brave, fantastic, and hard-working model. I scooped him for this role because, during the mentioned challenge, I've taken an immense liking to his character. Also, something about Gus makes it very easy for me to sell an idea or a setting. He's pulling things with such ease, one day flexing with a rapper drip, one later chilling in a Japanese pilgrim outfit, and it lands. I have a hunch that it wouldn't be possible with characters like, for example, Mattholomule. Gus has this aura of ease and flamboyance, which makes it so natural to work with. It took me a while, but I've finally mustered up the courage and went to Gus' place and started begging hi- gently laid the idea of '7 Art' to him. Happily, Gus agreed to work with me, but under the condition of changing the name from '7 Art' to 'GusArt.'

I've closely studied only one artist during my lifespan, and it was Wyspiański, so there was a taste of familiarity with getting on it again. In addition, I adore him not only as an artist but as a person, so scrabbling his name on the Sticky Notes list was a no-brainer. The rest of the people aren't random either. They represent my favorite movements in art (not all of them, the exception is Chełmoński, who represents the school of realism), namely: Art Nouveau, Secession, Young Poland Movement, Japonisme, Symbolism, yadda yadda; basically, those that emerged after the invention of the camera and are often tinted with some Japanese, oriental influence. Short note. The creation of the camera was a breakthrough because the attempts to reproduce reality ceased. I have the impression that art has taken care of itself ever since. Back to the topic.

Apart from selecting surnames from my favorite periods, I had other motives as well. I am aware that I come from quite an isolated cultural circle, to put it lightly. Therefore, I saw it as an opportunity to present local artists, foreign names, complete strangers to some. And these native people, not surprisingly, were my first ideas when coming up with the list. I know them well or know them at all since I was born and raised in Poland. The probability that someone has dealt with Edward Okuń or a guy like Chełmoński outside from this Polish bubble is... extremely low. Nevertheless, they're fantastic personalities and creators, and I am glad to present them. If even one person took their time to look them up, then I did my job well.

Now, about the process itself. GusArt had few rules: one artist per day, same squarish format, same background, every piece conveys a different mood/feel, poses cannot be repeated or be too similar, always one humanoid character in the frame, always full-body, always with both hands visible, each presents a different composition/perspective. The neat part is that this series works well even without the 'fandom' context, so it's presentable to people unfamiliar with TOH. 

In general, I stuck with the first idea/sketch, later only deforming it. I'll post my sketchdump tomorrow, so anyone interested can review the process and notice where things shifted. Warning, my sketches are messy and chaotic. The creator randomly selected names for me each night, so the big-scale planning ended at creating a list. Not knowing the order was an important factor preventing me from over-planning. I can compare it to knowing the title of the lecture but not being on the lecture itself. Besides, everything changes dramatically when you actually sit down to work. Example:

A lot of things changed while sketching only, minutes apart. Visions are deforming so rapidly that I'm more comfortable figuring it out on the go.

I hope that my little essay addressed your questions well. Thank you for taking your time to write an ask, and making me re-run though-processes.

Cheers!

[cutelittleluckysoul]

Can I get a Star Wars ship, please🥺? I’m female, 5’8” grey eyes, light brown hair, ENFJ personality, a cancer, I’m always wanting and love to help people with anything (it makes me feel wholesome) I’m a dog lover, a cuddled bug for sure, lowkey fashionable but when I feel like it (lol), I high key by would be a Jedi ngl and love your work btw :)

Omg also follow up from last ship request, I’m straight and ships from all trilogies would be amazing!!

Sorry for taking so long and I hope you like it!

For the Prequels I would ship you with Obi Wan Kenobi

a fellow Jedi it is

which doesn’t make things easier

but damn it you both are trying your best

and it works surprisingly well

the both of you think you are so sneaky that no one knows

but Anakin figured, he knows all the signs

but he doesn’t tell anyone of course

though he can’t help but smirk everytime he finds the both of you together

Cody knows too and he is the best wingman someone could ask for

he always warns the both of you when someone is nearing and you two are in a compromising position

you are both really grateful for that

loves to cuddle with you

especially when the both of you are together on a ship

and it is also very helpful because Obi is your own heater

space can get rather cold so it is a win-win situation really

he shares your enthusiasm about helping people

he admires your determination

his heart swells with love when he sees you helping the younglings

the yearning is strong with this one

For the Original Trilogy I would ship you with Luke Skywalker

you two would meet while you wanna help him out carrying something

poor Luke didn’t know how to act

cause he never saw someone as beautiful as you

asks you out immediately and very rushed

the rest is history

you two are so damn cute together

everyone thinks so

he loves to hug you from behind and vice versa

always touching you in one way or another

the guy is just very affectionate

would tell you everything

and when I say everything I mean it, there are no secrets

you are the first person he tells that Vader is his dad

you being shocked but reassuring him that you love him no matter what

and you worry about him

a lot

the guy is a magnet for dangerous situations even if he doesn’t even want them

tending to his wounds

and he always gives you a sweet kiss as a thank you

just rolling your eyes because you can’t even be mad at him for wanting to protect you and saving the galaxy

ngl you are very proud of your boyfriend

Leia would love you as well of course

and you two would sometimes team up on the guys because lets be real

girls can get any job done as well

also gossiping with her? Leia is the queen of trashtalk as well

but you are glad you got Luke and are part of his family now

And for the Sequels I would ship you with Finn

Finn is such a sweet guy

sure he has seen some shit and he won’t hesitate to kill someone

but he has a damn good heart

when he is not busy helping the resistance he spends every second with you

cuddle sessions as often as possible

sure Poe teases you 

seriously it is his second hobby by now

but he is happy that you make his friend happy

but boy oh boy he is having the time of his life when he sees you walking around with Finns jacket (formerly Poe’s) and hickeys scattered along your neck

you were kinda embarrassed

good thing General Leia knows how to get the guy back on his feet

which you are really glad for and it is so much fun to watch Poe shrink in a bit

you are very proud of your boyfriend when you find out he is force sensitive as well

and you are supporting him wherever you can

of course the both of you are afraid of the other one dying

so whenever you two have to leave each other you make sure that the other one knows how much you love each other

and there have been many close calls for the both of you

so it is no wonder you are relieved when the war is over

he tells you he wants to have a quiet life with you

far far away from everything

of course that won’t work cause Poe needs him too but your life does become more quieter and peacful

and the two wouldn’t have it any other way

[purplesurveys]

1275

When you were younger, did your mother or father ever let you open a few presents before Christmas or your birthday even arrived?  We open all our presents the night of Christmas Eve to begin with; but no, they don’t tease by letting us open a few of them before our usual schedule.

If you could receive a 100 dollar gift card for either blouses, pants, dresses, shoes or purses, which would you chose?  If I could change blouses to shirts, then I would go with that because I’ve recently gotten into t-shirts and sweatshirts and no longer the trendy and preppy tops I used to like haha. But if not, I would go for shoes.

What is your favorite thing to do after crying? Ex: Sleep, listen to music, have some alone time, talk to someone, etc?  It varies as it depends on how much I cried. The harder I cried the more I’d want to sleep it off, because it can actually get pretty exhausting. Sometimes I’ll reach out, sometimes I write. It’s really different every time, but at the end I’m just glad I can no longer even remember the last time I cried out of sadness.

Do you think Trump will be assassinated, or will he survive his term?  Well we know the answer to this. It’s satisfying to notice him disappear off the face of the Earth immediately after his term, though. I don’t have a clue what he’s up to now.

Last time you felt suicidal?  For some reason I felt down last Thursday and I felt the slightest, slightest tinge of suicidal thoughts. No idea where it came from.

Last time you had butterflies?  Ugh idk but it was probably BTS-related hahahahahahah

Biggest asshole you know?  Certain politicians.

Did you ever leave someone because you know you’d hurt them?  No, I was on the opposite side of the coin for this one. I was broken up with because they believed they would hurt me, if not already doing so.

What song did you last listen to?  Hip Hop Phile by BTS.

Ever ridden in a police car?  Nopes.

Ever witnessed a murder?  Hmm, not that I can recall. I do remember having to monitor crime stories for one of my very first journalism assignments and the one time I didn’t tag along to the fieldwork with my classmates, they got to witness a stabbing incident :/ By itself of course it always sucks to have violent situations like those, but as a reporter it would’ve been interesting to see the scene and its aftermath.

Have you ever lied under oath?  I don’t think so, no. I can’t even remember the last time I was put under oath.

Have you ever failed a subject before? I’ve failed exams but never an entire class.

Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet?  No.

Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender?  Well yeah, I dated one.

Have you ever been in a hot tub before?  Sure.

Have you ever been to a movie that sold out?  I’ve never experienced trying to buy tickets only to find out they’re all sold out, but that’s also probably because we have hundreds of malls in Manila alone and you can always find a theatre that are still offering tickets.

What movie last made you too scared to go to sleep?  I’m not usually that way with horror movies, but I do remember running into a jumpscare on TikTok while I was scrolling at 3 AM. Not fun.

When you’re on a laptop, do you hook up a mouse or use the touchpad?  Touchpad. I never use a mouse.

What’s your mom’s mom’s name?  Agnes.

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the person you like?  I’m not interested in anyone so this shouldn’t be a problem.

Have you ever been tempted to steal?  Sure, but the urge is never so strong.

What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? I’m not reading anything.

Do you have a favorite local band? Who are they? Nah. I did have a Ben&Ben phase, though I haven’t revisited their music in a long time.

Who’s the last person you saw naked, aside from yourself?  I’m not sure about completely naked, probably still my ex. As for partially naked, my dad sometimes goes shirtless at home as most Filipino dads do lol.

Who’s your favorite horror monster/killer?  The most iconic for me would be that porcupine looking ass from Resident Evil 4, I believe it was meant to be for one of the boss stages or something. Anyway, it’s memorable for me just because that fucker had been impossible to defeat and I loved watching my older cousin do attempt after attempt. I don’t think he ever got to beat him and by the time he did us cousins were already adults, lol.

On a side note, we called him ‘Porcupine’ as kids since a shitload of spikes would stick out of him unpredictably during the boss stage, and I thought that nickname had been just our thing; but I’m actually surprised that that villain actually comes up when you do a simple ‘Resident Evil 4 porcupine’ search haha. I guess other people called him the same thing too.

What kind of music do you prefer to listen to when driving?  I usually put on a playlist of BTS’ rapline; I tend to enjoy high-energy songs while driving.

Would you ever own a hairless rat, cat or dog?  I don’t see why I wouldn’t when it comes to the dog. I don’t want a cat or rat. 

All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with?  G.

What did you and your ex fight about most?  It was about the deeper, more profound stuff. We never saw eye to eye about the future, if we were helping the other grow, etc. Someone was always scared or insecure about something that the other could never help with fixing.

Don’t you love long hugs?  Sure, I love getting hugs as long as I’m comfy around the one giving it.

And long kisses?  Mhm, they’re nice.

Have you ever purchased condoms?  Only for Angela when she had still been too shy to ask for it herself. 

Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend?  No. We had gone out of town for daytrips, but never for a fully-decked out vacation.

Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument?  I wouldn’t do anything that loud. My resentment’s a lot more reserved and subtle, definitely on the passive-aggressive side.

Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it?  If I left like a paint scratch, no. If I was somehow stupid enough to manage wrecking the car then yes.

Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot?  Oh that’s just gross. No. I do remember unknowingly parking over a spot meant for the handicapped once just because the paint was so fucking faded. It was genuinely so hard to tell but in the end I ended up just getting out of the spot and looked for another just to be on the safe, unassholey side.

Are you embarrassed to tell people your job?  Not at all! I love telling people I work in PR and sharing the brands I work with...it’s just a bitch trying to explain what exactly it is I do on a normal day. I’m still blanking out on it now that I’m thinking about it, haha. PR’s a challenge to summarize in one or two sentences.

If you ran over an animal would you keep driving?  I honestly have no clue how I’d deal with it. Ideally I would pull over and help bring it to the side of the road, and try to ask for help from passersby as well. I’m still not sure what I should/would do next.

Where’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner?  French, Spanish, and Italian restaurants always seem to carry a pleasant, date-y atmosphere to them, so any of those cuisines should be ok. I also like quieter restaurants with warm yellow lighting, since that makes me feel at home the most. The place definitely doesn't have to be super popular; I would just want for it to serve good food.

What hobby would you get into if time and money weren’t an issue?  Flying planes.

What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?  Probably something that’s booked with thrill-seeking adventures? Like a day of wakeboarding, paragliding, skydiving, riding an ATV...I would be exhausted as fuck and sleep for the next three days, but I can’t even begin to imagine how fun it would be.

When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with? Writing stuff. < Yeah, essentially. My friends ask me for general life advice too.

Has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked like?  Yeah. But I always defended her.

Have you written or drawn anything for somebody else?  I mean I’ve written long letters, but I haven’t made a poem or song for anyone.

Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished?  These days it would probably be Arlan. He just finished his Masters in Journalism at Columbia and I couldn’t be more proud. I remember wanting to attend Columbia too, but seeing how my love of journalism turned out...I’ve long accepted the fact that that route was not meant for me, hahaha.

What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?  Finish a painting, which can also serve as a callout to me lol.

What would you rate 10/10?  Seafood.

What do you hope never changes?  My relationships with my best friends.

Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted?  No, I barely have a clue who she is and she seemed decades older when she called me up this morning.

Is there anyone that you’d love to just spill your guts to?  I’m good.

Where is the person you have feelings at right now? 

Are you happy with your relationship status?  Yessssssss. I love not having to worry about another person to spend on LOL

When did you last cry? What for?  Two Saturdays ago. The one-year mark of my breakup had been coming up and an overwhelming wave of emotions just flooded me all of a sudden, I guess. There was happiness and relief from not being stuck in it anymore; feeling sorry for myself as I remembered the turmoil and deterioration I went through in the latter part the year; anger for the shit she pulled; and there was also just the general feeling of being grateful that I’m still here after everything.

Do you think you’re wasting your time on the person you love? 

When’s the next time you’ll kiss someone?  No clue. I’m not holding my breath for it and that’s okay.

Were you ever scared to death of anyone you knew? Or are you currently?  Yeah, unfortunately I’ve always been surrounded by at least one person who terrifies me.

What’s the longest you’ve been away from home by yourself?  Nothing more than a day. That’s something I have yet to try out.

Have you ever been made fun of, because of what you look like?  Athenna was relentless in her insults. I dunno why I was friends her for as long as I was.

Have you ever made fun of others, because of what they look like?  If they’re some random person on the internet with disgusting political views, then yeah; but it’s just thoughts I keep in my head and I never verbalized the bullying. But not anyone in real life. Do you think it’s cute when you’re leaving a place, and a guy says “no hug?”  If I’m friends with the person I’ll banter with them for a bit until I give in for a hug. If it was any other guy I barely know...I would be disgusted and throw them the dirtiest glare.

Do you wear short shorts (if you’re a girl)? I didn't know short shorts were specific to females. < LOL same. Anyway no, not these days. I used to but they’re not really a part of my personal style anymore.

Who are you the most uncomfortable around?  Relatives with the wrong political views.

Who has your heart?  Nobody.

Should cloning ever be allowed to happen?  I don’t see the point. No.

Are you impatient with really shy people? If it gets to the point that they seem aloof and radiate very I-could-not-care-less-about-getting-along-with-any-of-you vibes, then yeah I feel like I would get irritated pretty fast. But I was an extremely shy person once too, so I’m typically friendly with them and I would usually be That person who constantly stays next to them so they feel like they belong.

Does your house have air conditioning throughout, or do you have one that sits in your window?  It sits in the window, as with most households here.

What is the most ridiculous band name you’ve heard recently?  I haven’t encountered anything wacky recently.

Would you ever get a fashion mullet?  No.

Do you believe that Jesus lived and is returning?  No.

Do you believe in spiritual gifts?  No.

Do you believe in callings?  Not really, no.

If you were rich, would you get a professional photoshoot done?  Hell no. I get extremely sheepish in front of a camera and a thousand times worse at posing.

[thirstofgames]

kitty and the jailbird

#️⃣2️⃣

-IT'S A MATCH-

A blank chat popped open and Damien stared at it for a second. He had honestly not expected it. The girl actually swiped him right. He looked at the clock impatiently; he did not have much time left in the library. There was a loud shout from the hallway, his muscles tensing, ready to hide the phone and bolt at any second.

He regretted that last question right as he pushed send. It sounded so bitter in his head now. It was a dating app after all and she was a good looking young woman.

you there?

...

hello?

busy flirting with your other matches, huh?

And there it was all about to end, the hot topic of his whereabouts. And the swift and cruel rejection that followed. It had already happened one too many times! Could he go through his again? Was it worth it? His palms were sweaty, but he never felt so cold. If the ground could just open up and swallow him whole before she finished asking... 

No, sorry

Just a little surprised we matched

you can unmatch if you want

Well, what I want is to talk with you 😊

Your profile caught my eye

what part?

Your profile pic at first.

Most guys can't pull off the broken, deep and scowling thing

But... looks good on you.

you don't look so bad yourself-

but then I read your description...

and I have to know something

shoot 🙄

It was a simple Yes/No question, but it took Kate way to long to answer. She bit her lip, thinking hard on the possibilities. It was such an unfair question though. She was not going to leave, but was not going to pursue anything with him until she knew what he was in for and how long he was going to be locked up. She'd wasted enough years waiting up on others... 

I'm just a little confused 🤔

Are you really in jail?

you gonna leave if I say yes?

It really depends...

A bittersweet smile spread on his lips. What was he expecting from a girl like her? She probably had a nice job, a supporting family and tons of friends and... an actual future. Why would she even consider wasting her time with him? The little time he had left... Better to just pull off the band aid!

She felt to bad! She hadn't meant to disregard his feelings, but wasn't it fair to let her know what she was getting into? She didn't even know what he was expecting from the conversation they were having... She was curious, but she didn’t want to lead him on.

okay, let's just say...

the orange pants and barbed wire are real

OMG

I have so mane questions 😱

here we go...

What did you do?

Wait, where do you even hide your phone?

STOP!

enough with the interrogation, alright?

I'm just curious...

sure, but i'm more than just a prisoner

a little respect goes a long way

Kate’s heart sank. He was hot, but the prison was a serious issue... She supposed people were not lining up to get to know him. He seemed pretty well rounded and mannered, but he was very defensive about his crime. Did that mean it was something really bad? But he was on a dating app... so maybe he was getting out soon? 

You're right!

I'm so sorry 😓

Let's change the subject

Why don't you tell me what you're looking for

hmmm

What?

i'm thinking...

nobody's really asked me that before

Seriously?

most people stop talking to me when they find out i'm locked up

i don't really blame them. i'm rough around the edges.

She didn't say anything for a while and Damien started wondering if he should just close the damn phone and leave. He should also probably take a break from Lovelink after this... it clearly wasn't doing him any good. Dark thoughts swarmed his mind and he had to close his eyes and head his head back against the bookshelf to get rid of the harrowing feeling. Like he was falling in an endless pit...  

The screen showed him typing and deleting several responses. Kate pursed her lips, impatient. Had she said anything wrong? She’d never spoken to someone who’d been locked up, she was still unsure what could trigger painful memories, or just remind him that he was... not free. But he said he just wanted to chat and his profile mentioned 'deep conversations'... 

Okay, I'm not running away, for now

but...

But I can't really make up my mind

If I don't know anything about you

So...

alright

honestly I'm just looking to talk to someone from the outside

it can get pretty boring in here, just waiting around the clock

Let's be friends then 😊

I'll be your window to the outside world

If that's alright with you...?

Damien sighed on the other end. Beggars can’t be choosers. It was a step in the right direction though. Maybe he was not going to find the love of his life at the very fucking end of said life. He was not living in some fairytale! He was still going to die, alone and forgotten.

But maybe... just a little less alone at the very end of his road. One friend meant more than none and maybe, just maybe... he could tell her his side of the story. Eventually. She seemed patient and understanding enough. Let at least one person out there know he did not murder his own father. 

sure

that's more than most

Of course a pretty thing like her got a lot on attention... She was only chatting up with him because the others were offline- 

but it must have been pretty bad to be such a long sentence

you still can't tell me what the crime was?

look, i've been making my own rules my whole life

you better ask what crimes I DIDN'T do

wow...

i'm no bragging or anything, just letting you know where I'm at

anyways, I'm more interested in what you're all about

what are you doing on an app like this?

Honestly...

I was about to uninstall it right before we matched 😅

Oh

you already found the one?

or no luck at all?

Well, I went on a few nice dates...

i see

Suddenly his experience on the app seemed less awful. Maybe it was not the right place. Or perhaps it was just the place for a misfit like him, here with all the weirdoes and con artists. 

And then they ditched me for their exes

Just my luck 😂

Oh and I swear to god if I see one more vampire 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄

vampires?

Yeees

You wouldn't believe some of the things I saw...

OMG, one dude was actually dresses up as a centaur

I...

don't even want to ask

There's also the 'prince' scam going around

Dudes claiming to be the heirs of some  

Made up countries and asking you for money

It wasn't quite a rejection, but it still hurt a little. She already mentioned twice she was only interested in him as friends. She didn't need to spell it out every few minutes! But she was the only one... 

Met some nice people too ☺️

Actually became good friends with some

Which is nice since I just moved here

were did you come from?

Pallay 💜

you're a long way from home

I know 😢

I suppose it was getting kinda lonely

My friends and family come visit when they can

But that's not a lot...

what brought you here?

Got a really good job opportunity

But I didn't quite realize how far away I'd be

So yeah, to answer your question from before...

I'm kinda just chatting with new people

Made more friends than anything else lol

Hope that's aright with you 🤗

A smile crept on his lips. An actual, genuine smile. How long had it been since he had any reason to? God, it felt good to talk to someone! Someone who didn't know him, who didn't shout 'walking corpse' after him, didn't judge him. He almost felt like his old self. Almost. 

i'm cool with that

Great!

Looking forward to getting to know you, Damien 😄

so let's get to it

tell me about yourself

hobbies, favorite food, anything

my hobbies are always changing 🤔

I start something new every month or so

Oh, and I started volunteering at a vet lately

🐱🐶💕

With a friend I made on this app

it suits you

Hmmmmm how would you know?

We've only just met

just a hunch

I could secretly be evil 😈

you couldn't hurt a fly

besides, I've seen evil and believe me

you're not it

I'm guessing you're not going to elaborate on that

Are you?

see, you know me so well already

Smartass 😝

 At lest until she finds out.

And I love food 🤤

Who doesn't? lol

But picking a favorite is like... impossible

I do have one hell of a sweet tooth  🍫🍬🍦

I'm soooo jealous

I miss making my own meals

That's right! You probably just have a cafeteria.

I'm so sorry 😓

it's cool

i'm glad we have something in common

Is there any food you miss?

Wait... was there even steak in that picture? Kate felt her ears burning, the fluffy pajamas studently itching at her skin.

just makin my own in general, being in charge in the kitchen

Damien scrolled quickly through his phone, the memories leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He nearly didn’t send the photo. It felt like so long ago, a different time...a different person. But it felt so good to remember! To be reminded of the more happier moments when he had all his life ahead of him! And showing her a piece of his past may make her curious enough to stick around for a while longer.

He hit Send.

-Tap to download photo-

Oh

Looks... delicious

you like steak? 

Oh yeah, the food 😳

Wish I could have a bite of that hahaha

So not so shy and innocent as she claimed. Good to know. Even if it didn’t lead anywhere, which he had to be realistic about - he was on death row after all - it was still fun. The most fun he’d had in a long while. It felt...nice.

HA!

i wish you could too 😏

The door of the library swung open hitting the opposite wall. The guard in charge could be heard arguing with someone. At least four voices. He had to move fast.

I'm really hungry now 😅

good

Kate stared at the screen, the little green light besides his profile picture going grey. She scrolled through the conversation as if to make sure she hadn’t just imagined it. She tapped the picture he’d sent, a small smile creeping on her lips. He looked so... normal. Well, more like smoking hot, but she expected some kind of dump, or some greasy repair shop, not Greek sculpture level abs. The boy should come with a warning! She was a sucker for bad boys, but had she gotten so bad that she was now considering a fucking convict? What if he was a murderer or something??

shit!

???

someone's coming

gotta hide my phone

talk soon

Be careful! 🙏🏻

Her ice cream, forgotten on the coffee table, had turned to soup.

What had she gotten herself into?

[kikis-writing-world]

KIKI MY ANGEL 🥺🥺🥺 Congratulations on your 300 followers! youre so talented, you deserve them all and more 💓 im so glad I discovered your blog through secret santa 🥰 may I participate in the shipping game? I’m a law student from the UK and my hobbies include writing and watching movies/TV shows. I’m an ENTP Taurus Ravenclaw/Slytherin cusp but I prefer to just say Im Ravenclaw 😭 I love meeting new people and making friends. I find a lot of comfort in baking and family is very important to me. I’d love to build up my own happy family one day, after I’ve settled into my career. I really like beauty and cosmotology and I collect makeup/cosmetics! Also I much prefer the city over the country anddd I love shopping. I really want to travel the world. Also I’m 18+ duh so I’m open to ✨any✨ kind of answer. Whatever you feel is best! Take care angel, thank you so much for doing this! 💓 Xx

Thank you so much!! Now, I had a first instinct but I had to be sure that it wasn’t just because of your url... but I thought and thought, and it’s not! You get Maxwell Lord! I can see you keeping up with him in ambition/cunning which is what he needs. He would also love to spoil you with shopping for fancy things and high end make-up and whatever else you desire. You’d become the family he so yearns for and help to assuage those insecurities he has from his childhood - and he’d see that in you where he just NEEDS to put a baby in you. He would see you baking and being such a loving person that he’s like yeah, she needs to be a mom.

But you know what AU I wanna put you in? Gentleman’s Club AU. So maybe it’s not a full-blown strip club, but one where men get together and talk business and shit, while the women wear skimpy outfits to serve them, sell cigars etc. Almost an older generation hooters lol

You’d work there, maybe at first you got the job to help you through school but while you were there you became kinda the beauty guru of the girls. You help them with their make-up, their bad hair days, even covering hickeys or other unseemly things when needed. You were surprised you kind of like it.

Maxwell frequents the club, but you’re his favorite. If you’re working when he’s there, he basically demands you spend the night waiting on him. He has you sit on the arm of his chair (to start, you usually end the night on his lap) and fetch him his drinks as he needs refills. It starts that he just thinks you’re beautiful, but as you chat with him, he realizes you’re pretty darn smart too. Eventually along the way, you start tumbling into bed with him, but you’re sure it’s just physical.

I can imagine that one day he’s talking business and you chime in with your opinion before you think to stop yourself. (Most of the guys get grumpy when you’re too chatty.) It’s a very intelligent observation and he’s surprised and proud (and turned on.) Soon he’s asking you for your opinion in his business affairs. Eventually he starts bugging you to come work with him, you don’t need this place. It takes some convincing, because you don’t want to leave the other girls, you have your own schooling and career goals that you don’t want to give up on, but he reassures you that the fact that you’re your own woman with her own goals is part of what he loves about you.

You take the job  work with him part-time while finishing your school. When you graduate, he offers you a more permanent position (maybe you take it, maybe you don’t) but by then, he’s also asking you to move in with him, so you’ll see him a lot regardless.

Post with the rules and possible tropes here. Join in the fun!

[s0niyeah]

Damn. So we have officially been halfway through 2021 and the beginning of the new decade sure seems pRoMiSiNg. There don’t seem to be signs of the world opening up and regaining its original colour anytime soon, and to be honest, I’m not here to rant about that. I’ve damn well come to terms with that fact now and with everything else the year has put me through so far, lockdown and shit seems to be the least of all my problems. It’s become a fucking routine at this point.

But yeah, I genuinely do see this obvious growth in my character, and I’ve experienced things I never thought I would go through in my entire life, especially in this anti-social pandemic, but like every other teenager, did anyway. I also did stuff that isn’t so typically, um, “teenagery” and I honestly have no idea if I’m ever gonna put out this shit on my blog, as I’m writing everything that comes to my mind while listening to the ridiculously calming voice of Kendrick Lamar from another one of his interviews (goddamn, those seem to soothe me like literally NOTHING ELSE) when I should be paying attention to my French lecture instead.

I feel my entire growth as a person in this year has gone through a full-blown Tyler, The Creator IGOR character-arc: from me infamously announcing to my new class in my English lecture that “I DoN’t BeLiEvE iN lOvE” to actually falling in it only a few months later and then taking one damn month to get out of it, realizing that love is, in fact, not fake AT ALL having felt it so close to me FOR REAL, but then going back to how I was before all this bullshit happened, and being the usual “unromantic” cringe person that I was, it’s all been insane. Can’t put it into words how much I have changed and refined myself, because I didn’t think I would actually reinvent my old self all while being confined to the four walls of my house. Guess nature does have a sort of magic after all and it DOES MAKE IT HAPPEN no matter which situation you have found yourself trapped in. It’s weird how all of us are so different in so many ways and yet have to go through so much similar shit at some or the other point of their lives. And I can’t believe I used to shame people for that- I-

God, I’m so pathetic. I know damn well I didn’t deserve to go through that balderdash, but a part of me is glad I did, because if nothing, it gave me a little bit of empathy at least.

I literally just went from having a leather exterior to finding myself to losing myself for someone else and then losing that person to find myself again. Which brings me back full circle to one of my favourite Eminem quotes “It’s okay to lose people but never lose yourself.” :’)

Speaking of Eminem, I also discovered a lot of new artists, a lot of new music and I regularly write all about it on my blog, but there’s something about Eminem that still has him on the top of my list, even after all this time. This guy- I mean, he literally predicted my future. The song Lose Yourself- no, I don’t care how “overplayed” it is, it’s a classic for me and countless other people because after months and months of listening to it for the first time and hours and hours of vibing to it like there’s no tomorrow, I finally could see a reflection of myself in the lyrics and as cliché as it sounds right now, it just…hits different. I also had this firm new year resolution to earn enough to buy a mic by the end of the year and I’m proud to say that if nothing else, at least THAT is going great for now, but it wasn’t that way always. Went from being underpaid and overworked to finally quitting the strenuous intern life just yesterday, to finally break out of the vicious circle of monotony. And I’m so glad I shifted my focus from my job to my music (and RIGHTFULLY SO) and yeah, this was just a random feel-good post to remind me of how far I have come without actually looking back :) Guess I can finally say that I’m proud of myself lol. Special mention to my merch store which went from being my only serious source of income to a casual passionate hobby now.

Anyway, love y’all if you’ve read it so far. Even if you haven’t, I KNOW your worth and hope you get whatever you want in your life fam, good luck <3

-SoniYEAH

[springday-aus]

Gardener!AU with Sanha

moodboard link

Group: ASTRO 

Member: Yoon Sanha

Genre: fluff, romance

part of the Odd Summer Jobs!AU ⇸ introduction of the Summer Boys!

check out the others on the au masterlist! 

Type: Butllerpoint AU 

Word Count: approx. 1.7k

I know, I know... a guy who can’t handle bugs does gardening?

highkey that’s the only downside of this job

the amount of wasps he’s had to wave off is…. many

one time he saw a bug in his garden in process and…….. let’s just say that Mark def lost some hearing bc Sanha kept screaming in the car bc he was afraid of having the bug follow him into the car

it was a whole thing

anyways

Sanha’s jobs includes two things: decorating gardens and cleaning them up

like some people hire him to make their garden prettier than it originally was

and others hire him to clean them up

there’s this one lady who hires him to just do the weeding in her garden

tbh it isn’t too hard of a job

it’s really just bc some people are too lazy to do it

and the other people like to garden with other people

overall, he actually really likes it tho

primarily bc most of the time, the customers leave him alone and, on top of that, he also gets free drinks

there’s also the personal satisfaction whenever his flowers blossom

But then there’s the sadness whenever he sees that they’re dead

Kaunlin: “are you crying?”

Sanha: “thEY’RE DEAD OF COURSE I’M CRYING”

Chan: “just leave him alone, he needs a moment”

Jisung: “it’s more than just a moment that he needs”

Mingi: “ I mean, he’s not wrong…”

omg there was this one time that he worked on this garden for like three days and he was so happy with the result and then learned the hard way that he should plant seeds that are very low-maintenance

altho there are a couple of people he knows he can trust

it’s primarily the older folks who are just at home and don’t want to learn knitting

speaking of which

they find him super cute bc he’s just a tall, overgrown puppy who likes to run into a field of flowers

and he kind of is

bc he would def do that

whenever he helps Minhyuk with his dogs, Minhyuk just thinks it’s another dog he’s walking lmao

even tho Sanha told him that he was looking for inspiration

…. he just ends up in running in the fields anyways lol

anyways

back to the actual gardens themselves

they’re not really gardens bc it’s more of little areas that aren’t grass

he doesn’t limit it to just flowers and caring for them

this one time, someone wanted to start a vegetable garden and it turned out super cute

bc he helped them out, he gets free tomatoes now (whenever they’re in season obviously)

and he always shares them with the other Summer Boys bc he def gets too much sometimes

(there’s also another couple who gives him free cucumbers and he gets so many stink-eyes from Seungkwan and Chan and he ignores it but yeah)

he also does bushes—specializes the most in rose bushes

one time, him and this cooky, old, neighborhood lady wanted to try that thing from Alice in Wonderland

so he spent like five hours with her, painting the white roses red

a complete waste of time but it was so much fun

they had a bonding experience

on the other hand….

they kind of looked insane from an outsider’s perspective

Mark, from inside his car: “I was told to come here around 1…. should I just… leave him here?”

Chenle: “nah, we should stay and see where this goes”

Mark: ….. “I should really start charging y’all for these free rides”

Jisung: “shush”

moving on

he’s also part of this gardening club for his neighborhood

and it’s super adorable

bc half of it is where he gets most of his customers

the other half is mainly just the old ladies who call him cute

remember how I said there’s only a couple of people he trusts with his pretty gardens?

yeah, those are the only ones he trusts

so, this club is also important bc this is how he got to meet you

you were bored this summer and thought about picking up a hobby

there were flyers for a gardening club and you thought, why the hell not

when you came, there was definitely less people than you thought

and they were definitely older than you’d thought

but it was still fun

so you just kept coming

everyone was super nice to you too

you were having a good time

they meet like once a week so it’s not like you couldn’t make the time

(plus you were highkey satisfied with your flower arrangement—and it was actually really fun)

meanwhile the elders were like: “Sanha, look, it’s someone closer to your age”

Sanha: minding his business and watering his flowers

Sanha: “hm?”

“talk to them, you’re garden neighbors :)”

Sanha: ….. “okay”

with a bit of a push from the others, he slowly approached you while you were watering your side in the garden

Sanha: “hey”

You: “hi”

Sanha: topic of conversation, find a topic of conversation

Sanha: “I like those hibiscus flowers”

You: “thank you, it took a bit of time, but they turned out good”

Sanha: “yeah, they did”

Sanha: “they’re very low maintenance and they turn out beautiful”

You: “it’s literally the only reason I picked these seeds”

you two get to bond

and leave with a new number in your phones

you two get closer and closer with each week and each text

it’s cute

the elders were eating that shit up

some of your club pictures is just you two in the garden

with the sunshine and butterflies and dandelion leaves blowing in the wind

it was incredibly photogenic for a bunch of people in their mid-40s to 80s

anyways, it’s a beautiful friendship

so what changes?

there’s an exhibition at the botanical gardens and, the club makes plans to meet up to go to it

when you all meet up, you initially go off together

but since each section of the garden is so huge, you end up breaking up into groups and pairs and such

you and Sanha were under this gazebo in the Japanese Gardens section on a little bench that faces out on the mini sized river

the both of you were so caught up in the conversation, you didn’t even realize when your hands were laced together

it started from knee nudges to elbow bumps and then…. hands

the other club members definitely noticed but no one said anything to preserve the *possibly* rare moment of the two of you

you can count on the fact that they took a photo of that too

(they sent you copies like a week later btw)

you were both enjoying the silence for a bit

and Sanha is lowkey staring at your profile

you look so peaceful

he smiles to himself, a bit lost in thought

his concentration breaks once you start giggling

Sanha: “what… what’s so funny?”

you can’t look at him, instead you keep laughing to yourself and, you’re worried you kind of look like a maniac but

whatever

You: “nothing, nevermind”

Sanha: “no, tell me”

You: “okay, okay, but give me a second”

you clear your throat a bit, before trying to look at him again

You: “sorry, this is kind of hard”

Sanha: “don’t overthink it, it’s just me”

You: “it’s because it’s you though”

Sanha: “what do you mean?”

You: “I like you……”

his eyes widen from the confession

You: “you know, just a lily bit”

and then they close at your bad joke

despite the cringeyness of your words

he can’t hide his smile

Sanha: “that’s a shame because I like you very mulch”

when you get back to the group, you’re holding hands and the blush on your cheeks are very evident

“YES IT FINALLY HAPPENED”

“omg, Susan, calm down”

so, other than the time you two spend at the club, you both also spend most of your time together at the park

it’s nice and calming

and it’s super cute to see Sanha in his element

Minhyuk goes with you two sometimes

only sometimes

bc being the third wheel isn’t fun

hence why he brings dogs with him

but, no he’s glad his friend found someone who makes him happy

and lowkey he wanted to meet you to report back to the other Summer Boys that Sanha was in good hands

yo, when you met with the other Summer Boys

you could understand why they were so popular in their neighborhoods

they’re all so fun in their own ways

(Mark extended his rides for you too bc he’s such a sweetheart)

anyways

other notes

Sanha can’t kill the bugs

so that’s your responsibility now, whether or not you’re okay with that

if you are, you lowkey use tease him after killing or catching the bug

Sanha: “stOP HOLDING IT SO CLOSE”

You: “it’s a bug, not a disease”

Sanha: “say that to the plague”

if you aren’t okay with getting rid of the bugs….. then be okay with it bc Sanha’s not doing it

Sanha: holding the flyswatter in one hand and bug spray in the other

Sanha: “you get it”

You: “nO you get it!”

Sanha: “nO”

You: “I’m not doing it!”

Sanha: “well, neither am I!”

The Bee: 👁️👄👁️

anyways

Sanha asks you to accompany him whenever he has to work on a couple of gardens

he likes your input

remember that rose bush thing?

he showed you it

and the lady he did it with? she invited you both in for tea

it was really fun

(she makes really good cookies)

but stuff like that occurred more often with you around

not exactly planting flowers, but more fun and creative ideas

you even recommended for him to do those fancy lights in the wintertime for extra money over break

(which he is totally going to do now)

it’s because of stuff like this that he trusts your ideas

it’s a good dynamic

You: “hey Sanha”

Sanha: “what?”

You: “I needed somebudy like you”

Sanha:

You:

Sanha: “I thought we agreed no more flower puns”

You: “you like themmmmm”

Sanha: “I don’t know about that but I know I like you ;)” 

You: … “shutup”

[tangerinegod]

Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you! 

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D. 

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job! 

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy! 

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work. 

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer.. 

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.  

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus! 

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

[prisonrose]

Memories of Mr. K

Just an FYI, this is going to be a highly personal post that’s going to be a bit of a bummer. Feel free to skip if you’re not into that. But I figured I’d let you guys know the reasoning behind my abrupt hiatus at a time when I was just trying to get a bit more activity going.

What can I say. 2020 Gonna 2020.

So I found out a few weeks ago that my “ex stepdad” died. Meaning the man my mom married after my biological dad but before the guy she’s currently married to. For all intents and purposes, Mr. K was the man that raised me. But my feelings around his passing has been all sorts of complicated.

I most definitely owe the guy a lot. He definitely wasn’t perfect, but he taught me a lot. Mostly, he taught me how to communicate better. Growing up, I was an extremely shy kid -- the type who’d cry if they had to order their own pizza over the phone. In many ways, I’m still that sort of person. Phone conversations terrify me, to the point where it has literally cost me thousands of dollars. But talking to strangers is one thing. The problem was that I couldn’t even clearly communicate with the people I was close to.

Everything in my mind was a confusing jumble, and even though I was creative and really wanted to write stories from like... the 5th grade on, they were often so convoluted, no one could follow them. If I didn’t have Mr. K in my life, it’s quite possible I would have just given up. But he was a great speaker, and gave me the tools I needed to be able to get people to understand what I mean. A lot of him shows through in my writing and personality, especially my sense of humor. He was a super funny guy. 

I didn’t start out loving him. As a really immature child, I thought that there was some semblance of a chance my biological dad might come back. I blame all those movies in Hollywood, lol. But my dad was never going to take responsibility. We talked afterwards occasionally, but he was more like a buddy than a real parental figure. And now I don’t really talk about him that much, either.

Mr. K was the first real (and probably the only) father figure I had in my life. By the time my mom told me they were divorcing when I was a senior in high school, it pretty much destroyed me and prompted the biggest and most severe depressive episode of my life. It very nearly killed me, though I’m definitely glad I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

In the first year or so, I tried desperately to keep my relationship with the man that raised me, and for a few months, he was receptive. But eventually, he just kind of drifted out of my life and stopped responding to my texts and calls. So, message taken. To this day I don’t know if he was serious about wanting to continue having a relationship with me at all, or if it was just a ruse to try to get close to my mom again. I guess I’ll never know for sure now.

And that’s the thing that frustrates and infuriates me the most about his death. I was extremely upset when he decided to cut me out of his life, but I always wanted to make up with him again. I wanted us to square away our differences, and even if he never got to be “dad” to me again, we’d still be able to talk. Kind of like my biological dad is for me now.

But he didn’t even try. He reached out to my mom several times over the years, trying to talk to her again, even once she was already remarried. In fact, he reached out to her again during New Year’s on THIS year. Thanking her for her “10 years of service” as his wife, or some bull. REALLY???

On one hand, if those are the types of messages I could look forward to with my continued relationship with him, maybe I was just better off without him from the start. But part of me wonders if that was him trying to make things “right” before he died. Apparently he thought it was more important to make amends with the woman who barely even tolerated him as opposed to the kid that grew up relying on his guidance for a decade. So that feels. Great to think about.

In the end, I don’t know what killed him. Maybe he really was sick when he sent Mom that message. Or maybe he was just being a creep (since it wasn’t unheard of for him to send her shit, completely unsolicited in the past) and the ‘Rona got him. That’s something I COULD find out if I wanted to, but I chose to not even get invested in finding out. Literally all it would do is make me more depressed if I found out it was an answer I didn’t like. I still don’t even know for sure WHEN he died. I found out sometime about a month ago, but apparently the dedication page his job put up for him was a month or so old already when mom found it. I never quite know what to do with myself when he’s involved.

So... Yeah. If you’re still with me after that long, meaningless dive into Mittens’ childhood... Thank you, and I’m sorry. I guess the million dollar question now is what does this mean for Dhimani’s blog? Truth be told, I don’t know for sure. Maybe the hiatus will continue for months before I open back up, same as things always were, or maybe I’ll just go private and selective and RP with a few people. Neither of which are things I necessarily want to do.

I would like to come back right away and keep writing for Rose the way I always have. This entire blog became a side project that took over my life and consumed my thoughts for nearly half a year. I’m pretty attached to him, as well as the connections I’ve made on here. But I also have to be real with myself and concede that maybe I need to give myself some space and time to really actually deal with the shit going on in my personal life.

Mr. K dying hasn’t thrown my life in disarray or anything. I’m pretty unhappy and have random crying spells, but nowhere near depressed. I’m functioning just fine. But I think it’s fair to say that themes and issues centered around fatherhood and forgiveness are a really touchy subject for me right now. I just need to be real with myself in that regard and say that I’m not mentally or emotionally prepared to deal with online dissertations about why Rose is an evil person / terrible dad right now. I need to look out for myself, and that’s hard to accept. 

I can kind of fall into the trap of thinking of RPing as a “service” rather than a hobby at times, for better or for worse. I often think and consider the things I “owe” my RP partners and the community as a whole. Part of me regrets that I can no longer fill the “niche” of the “well meaning but super problematic Rose who did fucked up stuff” anymore. But at the end of the day, I’m just human. I’ve got needs, too, and I deserve some escapism and comfort-food threads instead of stuff that’s constantly going to remind me of the worst period in my entire life. That doesn’t make me a bad person or a bad writer. 

I wish it didn’t have to happen this way. Dhimani’s birthday is coming up, and I don’t even think I’m going to be active for it. (In a pinch, I might push it back so I can still celebrate My Boy.) Hopefully this is just a bump in the road that’ll lead to a bright future down the line. We can only hope.

I’ll keep you guys updated in any case. Thank you so much for your patience, and I hope to get back to writing for you all soon.

-- Mittens.

[hoe-doroki]

ana reads bnha ch16

previous chapter here first chapter here next chapter here

Hehehe, looks like we have a typo here! Does anyone else get giddy when they find typos? I found one in one of the Crazy Rich Asians books and it was like freaking Christmas.

OH, COME ON. Yaoyorozu deserves better!

(If you can’t see, it says Yaoyorozu (Sexy Girl), Jiro, Kaminari (Not Shown Yet))

Okay, I’m on a mission to unpack why I’m such a hoe for Shouto when I know, I know that I wouldn’t be able to put up with him irl. (Reason being that he’s not especially communicative and super emotionally dense and we’re both touch starved and probably neither would make a move…which is all just no bueno for compatibility...and I’m acespec, so I wouldn’t like him in the first place :cries:) and this is definitely part of it. In every scene with him thus far, he’s literally just been flouting his intelligence (in a pretty arrogant way, tbh) and ya’ll, I am turned on by intelligence. And he seems like a pretentious ass, and I’m a pretentious ass, so I always identify with characters like that. Mm, I love my boy.

Okay, that line about heroes not doing horrible things...that’s gotta be calling out Endeavor. Todoroki gets his morals from All Might (the idea of All Might)...but I also do wonder where Todoroki draws the line. Because the idea of All Might and the reality of Endeavor are far ends of the spectrum. So where does Todoroki actually lie? And, despite knowing how deadly his ice quirk can be, does he see it as less cruel than the fire quirk just because of association?

Nuh-uh—Todoroki can aim, dingus.

Also, here we see that Kaminari is not good at strategy. Not yet, at least. Jirou figures out how to use his power almost immediately, but Kaminari gets stuck on one thing (probably the same way he takes tests, tbh). Still, he’s rife with potential! We love him anyway! (Even though he blasphemed my boy.)

All the skin on that costume and she had to make the blanket out of the one area that was covered? Wtf, Horikoshi?

Ah, now I understand the ship. Or at least where it’s coming from.

But honestly, I love Jirou’s lack of confidence. I mean, not with this so much—although, again, super real for 15yos (when I was that age, I used to wear one of those bras that gives you two extra cup sizes in padding, lol)—but more so with the shame she feels over her music hobby. But then she feels well rounded in scenes like this one and her final exam with Kouda where she’s able to amp up (lol) her classmates and be a good partner in battle. I’m glad we get more from her in the School Festival Arc.

Heck yes! Ugh, he pervs over her so much in this chapter, but he’s such a good storyteller! Gah, nothing in life is black and white!

Overall: Horikoshi is doing such a good job of introducing us to all of the characters at just the right pace. In this chapter we start to get an idea of Kaminari and Jirou and, honestly, we get a decent amount of information about their personalities in just a couple of pages. And everyone’s quirks! Not to mention a good look at Todoroki! Don’t mind if I do!

[revol-lover]

dreams don’t end at “30″

so i just had a little breakthrough and maybe this wont sound like anything to anyone else but i just have to share it

so i’ve talked about this before. about how my friend and i were both planning these personal development like goals for this year that covid got in the way of. and he said something, about how this is his last year in his 20s and he wanted to get some goals accomplished before 30 

and i thought about that and realized something.

i have been feeling similarly about a few goals that i’ve been hanging onto for years and years. like i’m going to be honest with you, some people might remember this if you’ve been around here for a long time but probably not. anyway when i was in high school i really wanted to make music, sing, learn an instrument. and i did make some covers that i posted on myspace (showing my age here lol) and youtube but then i kind of gave up on it when

 1) became 18 and realized my dream to go to NYC and pursue music when i was 18 wasn’t happening because of a million reasons (it was very much a pipe dream, right? i mean you can’t have that dream and not prepare for it and i didnt. also i was too scared at the time to even move out to my own place if i had the funds to do so because my parents wouldnt have really approved and i was still so under their thumb) 

2) broke up with my musician boyfriend. which needed to happen. but he was the only person super passionate about that kind of goal at the time around me (till he ran lol)  and he actually is still doing music now so good for him but basically 

because of those 2 reasons i just let go of that dream all together as something i thought i wanted to do but was “unrealistic”.

but the thing about turning 30 and feelings like you needed to achieve all these personal/dreamy/goals in your 20s. what is that bullshit? why? 

what changes when you cross over to 30? i’ll tell you one thing. media pushes movies, books, films, everything about people chasing their dreams in their 20s and “settling” down in their 30s. where’s my inspiring movie about the 32 year old mom who finally wrote a song and performed it live after being terrified her whole life of doing so?

 think about it though

in your 30s you. *might* have a better paying job than you did in your 20s. which means, if you can manage to find time or a way for it, you *might* be able to save a little more money or afford to do something like, buy that guitar and guitar lessons in order to learn to play and write a song and live out your dream in some way, even if its just learning to play so you can play at an open mic. and maybe you’ll like that and you’ll somehow connect with likeminded people and form a band. idk. your dreams dont have to end in your 20s. 

you dont have to fall into the trap of your 20s are for your dreams that are so big you feel like the chance of achieving them is getting struck by lightening

and then your 30s are for fancy adult goals like buying a house, and going on a $10k vacation and those things are probably just as hard as the goals you had in your 20s but the world wont make you see it that way. its seen as “selfish” to prioritize and budget for your artistic goals - but not a house. no that’s responsible and what you “should” do. but its ok to prioritize something that’s going to give your soul fulfillment too! we need to believe that! because it’s true. we are not here just to work our jobs and live mundane colorless lives once we aren’t considered “young” anymore (but 30s are still young. not what i’m saying)

 you’re always going to be chasing something big and if you let the world control what that thing is you’re always going to be on some rat race. 

it’s fine if you achieve your goals in a different order than the world says you were supposed to. i got married young and had a child young, that was how my life played out and i’m happy with that because, yes, finding love and becoming a mother very much were goals of mine.

yes i dropped out of college because i couldn’t afford it and i couldnt find a major that felt worth being in debt for. and also, because hey guess what? contrary to what a lot of people will try to lead you to believe, college is not for everyone. and college does not = success. college drop out does not = failure. it’s just an option of something you could do with your life. AND if you didn’t go to your college in your 20s it doesnt mean you can’t in your 30s. or 50s. hell my husband, who did go to college saw elderly (think, 80s!) people going to his college as students! college isn’t just for 18 year olds fresh out of high school. 

My 27th birthday is in 2 weeks and no, i have not yet to worked up the courage to write an original song from words to music, or have the courage to get on a stage and sing anything, or talk to a stranger, or publish any of my writing or art, goals i’ve had whirling around in my brain since I was 18, but, it’s going to happen. maybe this year. maybe when i’m 35, but it’s going to happen. a number is not going to be the thing holding me back.

that whole mentality of “my youth is slipping away i need to achieve all these dreams before midnight the day of my 30th birthday” is so stupid and flawed and we all deserve to see ourselves, and our individual potential as more than that. 

last part of this rant - one of the reason i even became so passionate about reignighting some of my dusty, old goals, that it turned out, i still cared about, is because i had a moment where i was like

ok i am a mom. i am someones mom. how will my daughter see me, as a person, not just her mom? 

kevin and i always talk about how between the two of us we’ve both had a lot of quintessential young adult experiences that we look forward to sharing with her. like, quitting jobs, getting in car accidents, that one time i unknowingly participated in an illegal bonfire and ran from the cops then lied straight to their faces and somehow got away with it (literally my ONE act of teen rebellion), changing college majors like 3 years in (kevin), failed classes, tried cigarettes, etc like i’m ready, and hope that one day she will feel comfortable talking to us about things because we’ve been through things and have a lot of input and two different perspectives to offer

but further than that, i realized that i want her to know that her mom is a person too. i want her to know that mom is also passionate about writing, and music, and somehow tackled some of her goals in regards to that so that SHE can feel that SHE, too can do those things. and i know that, that is in part how it works 

because,

my dad IS an artist. my dad IS a musician. yall. my dad is SO talented.  my dad is brilliant. besides his artistic abilities which include, drawing literal realistic as fuck portraits, sculpting, painting, playing guitar, bass, piano, mandolin, he also knows music composition, etc etc etc beyond all of that, he also taught himself fucking PLUMBING and ELECTRICIAN SHIT to fix things in our house growing up. like he bought a book. and taught himself. my dad. i grew up thinking that was normal but i realized not everyones dad can just tear down the bathroom and rebuild it from scratch down to the plumbing without being a licensed professional.

but anyway the point is - as talented as my dad is, he doesnt really pursue his artistic dreams much. and its sad. i’m glad that i’ve seen some of the work he did when he was younger. i’m glad that if i bring it up, he’ll show me something he can do. but he doesnt pursue it anymore really. my dad works an exhausting physical labor job but even he, as a 50something year old has fallen into that trap of like, i dont have time to draw, but he will scroll his phone and read articles for hours and i’m not shaming him. i’m just saying we all have this problem in the modern era of technology and social media and what not (hell i am writing a post on tumblr instead of my book right now).

but if timing was different and my dad grew up in a different time, where lets say something distracted him from doing the little bit of art and music that he did when i was a kid that i was able to witness, if i hadnt seen that. i wouldnt know that.. in a way.. that’s in me. i mean, he’s my dad. if my dad could pick up a craft and work at it to be good at it, why can’t i? there are so many musicians and (kind unrelated but not rly - i think being “self made” is an art) business owners in my family. there’s either some common thread in our genetics ORRRRRRRRRR just growing up around people working at and succeeding at those kinds of goals shows you that it CAN be done so you’re more likely to believe in your abilities

and i want that for my daughter. because even as an almost 3 year old i can see that she has a gift for music, and reading. and even if i’m wrong about that and she grows up wanting to do some other thing as a job or hobby, i want her to know, by seeing her mom do it, that she can achieve anything she puts her heart to. you don’t have to box yourself in because of your age or your sex or the fact that you’re a parent. 

and your dream doesnt have to become your career. it can be a hobby and still be fulfilling. like yes, 18 year old me dreamed about some life in nyc singing in clubs or bars or whatever and being ~famous (lol) and that did not happen, but i can still get out there and play open mic downtown and get that love of music, and desire to face my fear of performing out of my system. maybe i’ll love it. maybe i’ll hate it. but i’ll have done it. and that’s the ultimate goal. 

sorry i went off but i had to get that out of my system and i’m very passionate about