#god forbid something not be new and unconventional to me

[psalmsofpsychosis]

i'm obsessed with how much my first impression of things differs even from the second or third impressions, and by obsessed i mean it used to literally give me mental breakdowns

like, on first impression when something is still new to me, i can love it *so much*, so fucking much i think it's the most brilliant thing to have happened to humanity. we're talking "i find it almost holy i want to devour this thing" levels of love.

And then there's the second, or the third time i ho back for it, if i ever go back for it (i barely ever read the same thing or listen to the same song twice, you have to restrain me to make me go back into things, sometimes i dont even finish things i love because the first impression is already set and i'm terrified of the high wearing off). So like, the second or third read becomes not only about how good something is, but also how it ages. And oh boy, a solid 90% of stuff i find dont age well beyond the initial excitement. Something that was a perfect experience to go through the first time is now only an ordinary, lukewarm thing at best, outright terrible and meaningless at worst. Like, it means absolutely nothing on a second read. This used to give me such horrible wiplash that i'd never come back for things i supposedly loved on the first round– it'd be too disheartening to watch those things become meaningless to me on a closer look.

But i think that with age i've gotten better with it, i still mostly dont reread stuff and very much prefer to find new music rather than listening to the same songs, but i have found stuff that stayed relevant and beautiful to me on second and third and forth tries. The emotional high wears off more or less, but a different kind of discovery still exists within the things that keep me going.

[charliedawn]

OH, YOU THOUGHT THE LAST REQUEST WAS WEIRD-I have many more in-store for you

If I remember correctly, there was a post you made yourself where it was non-con. It was a big surprise coming from you.

So I was wondering if you could do the reader with the hannibal family and they do age play.

Age play: When you act younger than your age. (Usually used for sexual pleasure)

Me: Something Important to add would be spanking for a brat, (even though I like being good for rewards) wearing frilly dress and girly childish clothes (light colors), them having to dress and clean you. There's a lot to it, but remember that it's also used for sexual pleasures. So please, add some smut.

*Cue me me maniacally laughing*

Me: it's not that bad when you think about it, Charles [New Nickname Achieved!]

With my degenerative mind, we can do wonders together, think about it.

Also, here's more Bo gifs:

Warning: SMUT AHEAD.

Hannibal Jr. :

Hannibal Jr. knows how to play the caring *cough cough* daddy.

He’d be the type to reassure you and tell you everything is going to be okay. He’d wipe your tears and hold you while shushing you gently.

Hannibal Jr. wouldn’t punish you often, and would always make sure to keep his baby safe and protected.

He’d go on shopping trips with you and wait patiently while you try everything pink and fuzzy.

But the thing is, he’d also be sure to make you understand who’s got power over you. He’d be quite calm and collected while punishing you, but he’d be ruthless nonetheless.

Meaning: He’d show no emotion whatsoever while making sure you get the message.

Him *smiles before gripping you by the back of your neck* : "Sssh, love. You wanted to be a brat ? Now, I have no choice but to do this. It is for your own good. Now, be a good little love and stay still."

You move. You dead.

Kevin Hannibal:

Kevin will play right along with it and love going on shopping trips with you. He likes to be unconventional himself.

And god forbid anyone who would make fun of you for it.

Morgan *snickers when he sees you give your favourite plushie to Kevin* : "Great. Another plushie. I knew you were eager for attention, but that is just sad…"

You *lose your smile and attempt to walk off in shame*

Kevin *grabs you and settles you on his lap before flipping Morgan off* : "Yeah. And where are your gifts, Morgan ? That’s right. Ya got none. Must be sad getting no bitches, right ?"

Kevin would love your gifts and constant need for attention.

He’d be sure to take care of you and play with you as much as you want. He’d show you all the affection he’s got. No way you’re moving from his lap now….

However, he’d refuse to punish you.

His motto: Stay there, look pretty and let me spoil you rotten.

Morgan Hannibal:

Morgan wouldn’t mind, but he is one to like intellectual conversations on many different subjects. If anything, he’d be attracted to older women.

But, there is one thing that you would both agree on…Story time.

He’d be thrilled to read to you children stories or fairytales and take you to different events related to them. He’d talk to you and take you to see children movies at the theaters without a care in the world.

He may eventually become a little annoyed by your childish behaviour, but unlike Kevin…Morgan would have no problem punishing you when you turn into a brat.

You *accidentally throw water at his face* : "M…Morgan. It was an accident. I’m sorry."

Morgan *gently wipes his face with a napkin before addressing an apologetic smile to the rest of the family* : "If you’ll excuse us…" *suddenly drags you out of the room in a flash*

He will not tolerate disrespect and would make sure you can’t sit down properly for a couple of days…

Hannibal Sr. :

Hannibal Sr. wouldn’t have a problem with it.

He would love it when you’d dress up for him and he’d dance with you and spoil you rotten with gifts and kisses.

But, you have to understand something. There is one thing he’d ask of you in return:

Complete and total submission.

You want to be his little doll ? Fine by him. But, one word of protest or even a glare out of you, and he’d be spanking the shit out of you.

Hannibal Sr. isn’t the type to play around. He needs to be in complete control. 24/7.

Hannibal Sr. *slowly strokes the top of your hair while you cry on his lap* : "Sssh…little lamb. You know better than to make me angry. Why would you try to upset me like that…"

You *whimpers* : "M’sorry…"

Hannibal Sr. *smiles* : "Good girl/boy…"

Praise king though. He’d be sure to reassure you and whisper sweet nothings into your ear after he’s done.

Peter Hannibal:

Nope. Sorry. No way that poor boy is daddy. He wouldn’t be able to be. Literally. He’s baby.

If anything, you’d both be babies together and make the whole family take care of you. Partners in craving affection.

However, he’d be more than capable of punishing you in his own way…

Peter*tying you up to a chair with the sweetest smile ever on his face* : "Let’s play a game, Y/N…You stay on this chair. And no moving at all, got it ?"

You *nod*

Him *giggles* : "Good…And tell me if it gets too much, alright ?"

And he means it.

Peter can sometimes be pretty cruel in his punishments. So, better tell him when it’s too much.

And don’t be afraid to punish him in return.

He secretly loves to cry…

[astroismypassion]

Can you do a Pisces moon men culture

Hi!

Hahah, you asked me this before already!

Here you go:

Where to even start…

I’ve been “lucky” to get so many learning opportunities through them. My father is one and my two other male friends. I’ve encountered a few that gladly didn’t stay in my life for too long.

So by now, you understand that I have yet to have more positive experiences with them.

It was supposedly to be said that these men have A LOT of secretly hating female figures in their life, starting with their mother. Which I must say, I ALMOST fully agree with this. 😬😳They really do seem like female figures often backstab them in life throughout their lifetime.

✨PISCES MOON MEN✨

Mention of s*x, ma**ur**tion

they are SAPIOSEXUAL despite telling you otherwise, they fall in love with all the smallest unconventional details of the person (how they pronounce certain words, their perception of life, unique character traits, compassion, being able to emphatize with them and STILL understand other peoples perspectives etc.)

they have tremendous respect for women, however it’s a double-edged sword. They will only have that level of respect for them if you are keep fulfilling their vision, desire. Once you lose that or disappoint, they become a women hater or god forbid even women abuser. Then all women are the absolute worst and ALL horrible.

further on that note, they will appear like they have two extreme opinions of women, when they are in a good space with their female partner, they will talk sweetly about their own mother and other women too. However, when you are not on good terms with them, they will blame everything on women, starting their seeming “bad” relationship with their mother.

they need a lot of space for their sexuality to flourish, so they will purposely travel a lot or keep their distance from you, so that they miss you more and that longing after their partner is created again. Because they basically feed of that.

another thing with them that ties into their sexuality, they thrive off DESIRE. And here comes in delusionment. They would often think that women around them are trying to flirt with them. So they would often say someone was flirting with them to make themselves look more desirable to other women. Once a woman was nice to them and they take it as flirty behaviour. They often equal being nice = flirting, because they were not used of nice treatment in childhood, but mostly neglect and ignoring. So when ignoring DOESN’T occur they too quickly mistake that niceness for flirting. They are a bit naive and gullible in this way.

Bringing on another point, despite being master manipulator, they can also be really, really naive due to not being chosen that often in younger years. A lot of them grew up in some strange religious dogma and didn’t talk to that many actual, real women (the closest they were usually a sister, an aunt who visited). They often “interacted” with women through “a lense”, a barrier, a buffer. Like they only saw Holy Mary statues, iconography, women in magazines, like Playboy often when younger so they got very distorted perceptions of women.

to me their sexuality is much like Sagittarius with a Libra mix. They like open-minded, opinionated women, who act a bit helpless at times or are a co-dependent partner. These men cling onto their partner as well, without NOT seeming that way to outside people.

either might strongly like or strongly dislike women feet. If not into feet, could be a hands, fingers person.

very experimental in bed, like to try something new that allows them to “travel” in their mind

more into idea of having a woman than while being in a partnership with her

fan of phone sex, might call like a hotline or something and mutual masturbation

Feel free to share more of your experiences below.

@astroismypassion

[gamerdog1]

Disney’s ZOMBIES Review

So, I worked at a day camp this summer. Fun times. Got to hang out with a bunch of cool people, meet some nice kids, and everywhere I went, I made sure to ask people what they were watching. Y’know…. Cuz we’ve all got the time. I love hearing people get really passionate about the stuff they like, though sometimes….(cut to children screaming about Frozen 2 as I slowly expire)

Anyways…. It’s pretty obvious that with kids, Disney is king. Like, absolute monarch, dictator supreme, all hail our new lord and savior Mickey Christ. And with more and more people getting Disney Plus, the mouse house has made its way into more houses than ever, allowing the new generations to enjoy films that were previously harder to get ahold of. I mean, outside of just BUYING the DVDS, which sometimes I feel like I’m the only person who does these days, Netflix doesn't have that shit, the internet is full of viruses, but hearing that my little cousins hadn’t even HEARD of Bambi felt like a crime I must solve. Now, with the power of Disney Plus, I can mentally scar them for only 8 bucks a month! 

So, camp was a swapping ground for movie and show recommendations, and I was living for it. But….. if you know me, you might know I’m a little hesitant to get into Disney’s live-action stuff, especially musicals aimed at ‘THe HiP NeW GeneRATioN’. I’m lookin at you, Descendants, you  fake-edgy-soda-pop-party-city-lookin-ass-motherfucker. No. I refuse. It looks stupid, and the music is dumb. I grew up watching the High School Musical trilogy, so it's not like Disney live-action musicals are foreign to me. I’m cool with em, but, y’know, sometimes you want something more. Like, something more high-concept. We’ve already seen highschool boy meets highschool girl, fall in love, and sing about it. Let's get something fresh! 

PART 1: BACKSTORY

This is Z.O.M.B.I.E.S., or is it pronounced ‘z-o-m-b-i-e-s’? Whatever the case, this is a Disney Channel Original Movie

 (Wait…..fuck, thats gonna be a lot to say. Let's just call them ‘D-COMS’. Yeah.)

So, It’s a Disney D-COM that came out in the totally tubular year of 2018, the same release year as my favorite rom-com, Rocket Raccoon’s first musical, and too many Marvel films to mention.

So many good movies makin’ it big in theaters, and then there's ZOMBIES. Poor ol’ ZOMBIES, relegated to air only on the Disney Channel, because god forbid a D-COM play in theaters...hahah.(cough cough Highschool Musical 3 cough)

The film is based on another Disney property, ‘Zombies & Cheerleaders’, that never made it past the pilot stage. Written by the same guys (David Light and Joseph Raso), and directed by the same guy who directed a shit-ton of other D-COM stuff like Jump In!, Cheetah Girls :One World and Luck of the Irish, ZOMBIES combines the usual D-COM style and fun with an idea that truly could only be done in our modern age. 

So, without further ado, let's not waste anymore time, and get right into ZOMBIES. 

Part 2: Visuals

 Y’know what I love?. Color palettes. By golly if I don’t love a good color palette in a movie or game or something like that. My eyes cant get ENOUGH of color, and I bet yours are the same. 

So when something uses color in an unconventional way, it's gonna hit you like -

I know this is a weird thing to start off with when talking about a D-COM, but as an artist, this is one of the FIRST THINGS I noticed about this movie, and I make sure to point it out to whoever I’m with, whenever I see this movie. 

Lemme break it down real simple for y'all.

 Take a look at the logo first. We’ve got a nice letterman font, usually used in school uniforms and stuff, y’know, Letterman jackets, sports jerseys, school logos. It's the typical ‘academic’ font. It's a nice green, but wait. See the hot pink behind it? Green and pink…. I wonder where those are in the movie- WELL WONDER NO MORE BUCKO CUZ THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.

 Everything is green and pink. The bricks are pink. The rusty metal is green. The glass windows are pink. The school cheer uniforms are green and pink, and so are the football uniforms. It's a cacophony of those two colors, almost unnerving in its unnatural-ness, yet by varying the tones to fit the object they are on, the colors feel normal, and you almost don't even think why the slums are painted like a funhouse.

But it gets better.You might have already guessed this already, but do you want to know WHY green and pink specifically? 

Well it's pretty simple, my dude. See, colors can be hella powerful, so using them wisely is important. It's pretty well known by now that colors can often symbolize things, and can give us certain ideas and reactions. So, let's investigate further. 

Traditionally, pink is a color associated with femininity. No matter how hard we try, modern society can't seem to escape the idea that ‘pink is for girls’, even though in Victorian times, it was for boys. Pink is often associated with romance, sweetness, and all things cutesy. Pink is a ‘girls color’, quote on quote. Meanwhile, green is more gender neutral, and is associated with wealth, nature, growth, but in fantasy, with sickness and evil. Disney uses green often as its color of choice for bad magic, because of those connotations. Now, let's look at those colors next to  the two types of people in this film: Zombies and humans. Zombies are a perfect match for green, because, well, they all have green hair. Plus, green is a color often associated with necromancy, decay, and , what else, zombification. That smog in the beginning of the movie that makes people into zombies is also green. 

So does that mean the humans are pink? Yes, exactly! Contrasting with the ‘vile, diseased’ zombies, the humans are a perfect fit for a color often seen as nice and good. They’re obviously the good guys here, right? They’re pink! That means they’re non-threatening! 

By placing these colors all over the film, we are reminded of their connotations, and therefore, what we are ‘supposed’ to think, or rather, what the naïve leads have been taught by their society. That the zombies are diseased and evil, and that the humans are pure and nice. If you think I’ve dug too deeply into this, you’ve obviously never been in a high-school art class.

ZOMBIES uses a simple color palette effectively, making its ordinary sets and locations pop with its unusual color combination. By using colors to symbolize the opposing factions, the film scatters about deeper messages about how looks can be deceiving, and how sometimes, we need to rethink what we are told is fact, a key message in the film’s plot.

Part 3: Music

Disney has always had a knack for music. At least, in their animation department. D-COMS are usually hit or miss in the musical department, which is super weird to me, cause the word ‘musical’ is in the title. Musicals allow story to be told through song, and can give the audience a deeper understanding of what's going on. Lemme give you an example. 

‘Scream’, from High School Musical 3 is a song where the lead, Troy, laments about how confusing choosing a post-secondary is for him. This song not only plainly explains how he feels torn between possible futures, but also does a fantastic job of showing his anxieties. The whole thing being during a thunderstorm, the room spinning as he struggles to stay standing, the hailstorm of basketballs raining down around him, the scene uses the musical number to help us better understand his struggles, and it does so effectively. 

But how does ZOMBIES stack up? Pretty well, actually. Well, kind of. Less in the story-telling department, but it certainly makes up for it in terms of flair.

ZOMBIES takes a decidedly modern tone in its music, making a lot of it sound…. How do I describe…. I guess Disney-Channel-ish. Pop songs you could hear on ‘family friendly’ music playlists, all about believing in yourself and how friends are great. Nothing too complex or challenging here, folks, just some good, safe kids music. Though, to be fair, the whole soundtrack is, as the kids say, a bop. I’d say my favorite on the soundtrack is ‘Fired Up’, the song during the cheerleading tryouts. It has this nice backbeat, with drums that give a marching-band feel, giving it a ‘school fight song’ vibe. The redux of the song, done with different characters singing the lead vocals, gives it more prominent drum beats, making it sound even more like a marching song. With each redux or reprise of a song, they add more to it, sometimes changing the song’s tone entirely, such as with ‘Someday’, a song originally light-hearted and playful that takes a more tender and romantic edge during its reprise. 

The soundtrack is unfortunately a tad short on content. Half the soundtrack is just reprises, and it makes me wish there were more songs, not just the same ones done again with slight differences. Still, what’s there is fresh and modern-sounding, and just catchy enough for people like me to get into it. 

Part 4: Characters

In your typical D-COM, the plot is usually centered around either pre-teens or teenagers, usually at a high-school. Each character can be neatly fit into a pre-made archetype, handed down from generations of past D-COMS, which got them from other teen movies and media, which got them from outdated ideas and stereotypes about what business executives think high school is like. Usually, the story revolves around a main couple, a guy and girl who meet during the plot, and will eventually fall in love by the end. The guy is an athlete, and wants nothing more than to make the team and win the big game. The girl is usually the new girl, therefore is shy, nervous, and ridiculously pretty. She has 1 friend, usually a POC, who is her shoulder to cry on until she gets her assigned boyfriend, and she is either a cheerleader or a straight-A student. Most D-COMS stick to this formula, since it’s worked in the past, and they pepper in little quirks on each character to make them unique to that film. So come along with me, as we go through the checklist.

 In ZOMBIES, our lead guy is Zed, a zombie teen who wants nothing more than to try out for the football team. He’s a goofball, often joking with the other characters in serious situations, which makes him endearing to the love interest. Meanwhile, the lead lady is Addison, a bright-eyed, peppy blonde who is aiming to audition for the cheerleading squad. She is very optimistic about everything, but her GAP commercial parents pressure her to hide her real hair under a wig, so that she fits in at school. 

Both leads have things about their physical appearances that makes them ‘different’, and would therefore make them social outcasts. Therefore, they find common ground not because they like each other, but because they wish to fight for change. This is a welcome diversion from the classic D-COM formula. The two play off each other really well, and for a good portion of the film, fooled me into thinking they were just good friends. It's nice to see Disney show a couple as friends, not just as a couple. In High School Musical, Troy and Vanessa are so in love with each other, every interaction between them is explicitly romantic, as if they have to keep restating to the audience that they're dating or else the kids at home will forget.

  ZOMBIES also has a great supporting cast. Zed’s zombie friends, Eliza and Bonzo, are equally entertaining to watch, and act as support for Zed, and later, Addison as well. They offer more insight on how the zombie’s are treated by the humans, and help the leads push for integration in their school throughout the plot. The main villain, Bucky (no relation) is also a joy to watch, just because of how openly evil he is. There’s no twist villain here, folks. The real villain is the one who uses the discriminatory system to his advantage and sows seeds of xenophobia amongst his peers. Bucky is the cheery-looking face of the cheer squad, but not far underneath that smile is a bitter hatred for people that look or act differently than him. He commands the squad with a grin, while rooting out anyone who tries to outshine him or show anything other than disgust towards the zombies. He is also Addison’s cousin, giving the two an interesting dynamic. 

The characters in Disney’s ZOMBIES may follow the usual teen high-school drama formula, but they take steps outside the boundaries in small doses, freshening up the tried and true stereotypes we’ve been so accustomed to seeing. 

Part 5: Verdict

Overall, ZOMBIES is a great film. Really. It’s good to see a D-COM that people my age can enjoy, like, actually enjoy, not just put up with. These types of films are targeted towards a younger demographic, which means the writers know that their audience isn’t going to be doing as deep of an analysis of it as I am. The whole film is a  fun time, with excellent musical numbers, great visuals, endearing characters, and a simple, cohesive story. While its use of breaking the 4th wall is too frequent for my taste, the film uses its characters well, creating a story that puts the issues of today in a language that children can understand. Like Zootopia, it deals with the topic of discrimination well, explaining how it starts, what it can look like, and how it affects people, while using the language of fiction and fantasy to make it easily palatable for all audiences. If i had any criticisms, I’d say that I think the soundtrack is a little lackluster. It would have been nice to see a variety of songs, rather than just reprises. I’d also like to see more worldbuilding, maybe a glimpse at how the rest of the zombies live. Does the discrimination affect the adult zombies? What about the little kids? How does a zombie family differ from a human one? I know there’s a sequel, so maybe those things are addressed there. Hopefully so, because I enjoyed the world that was built, and I think it has a lot of potential for more stories to be told in it. But for now, I’m happy I saw this, and I’d totally recommend it to anybody who has kids, likes D-COMS, or is looking for something a little more light-hearted this Halloween season. So, with that, my final score for Disney’s ZOMBIES.. Is an 8 out of 10. Go see this movie.

[ibeuchu]

Baby lawyer part II/or one-shot

Second part. Based on the beginning of season 2. Jack tries to find a lawyer for Wills case, and he turns to someone who might have an unconventional point of view. My design of the first meeting between OC and Will.

→ Part one

I tried to make it as a part of the story, but also it can be read separately as a one-shot. Any comments and ideas appreciated. Enjoy

-„You don’t look much like a lawyer”- Will slightly cocked his head to the side.

-„And you don’t look like a serial murderer yet here we are”- she replied in a rather bored tone, not bothering to look up from the papers.

Touché.

Will could sense she was used to hearing that very often. They sat in silence in the „private room” Y/n shuffling carelessly through the files. Dressed in an oversized t-shirt, with tattoos and messy hair she indeed looked like she just got out of some street fashion runway show in New York then had a meeting in Hospital for Criminally Insane.

When she arrived at Jacks office in Baltimore to say y/n was surprised is like not saying anything at all, yet she hid it very well. She always found Jack to be an experienced professional so the situation he got himself into was looking quite peculiar and unbelievable. However, she chose not to comment on that. But when he presented her the details of the case she had no other options than to gave up. Even though being such a good lawyer she wasn’t a miracle worker. The situation looked poor, and she was not going to lie about that. Y/n was skilled and intelligent, but that case was something almost impossible to win for the most experienced lawyers, not to mention her just starting her profession. She wanted to go back to New York as fast as she could considering the fact that there was nothing she could do in that case, but Jack made her promise she will at least take a closer look on the situation. She may not represent Will in the court, but she could come out with new ideas. Not to mention Y/n was not too pleased about that, she was a girl who kept her promises.

Finally, she closed the file and looked the men straight in the eye. Quite a peculiar person he seemed to be. There were a lot of terms she could use to describe him. Weird, unstable, withdrawn… but psychotic and dangerous? Well, her work allowed her to encounter a lot of people who looked absolutely different outside from what was hiding inside their minds. There was not a single chance y/n will let to be fooled by someone’s image. Not going to lie though, she must have acknowledged that Will Graham was truly a good-looking man even in his prison suit and messy hair. She wanted to be done with this as fast as possible, so she decided to go straight to the point.

-„Did you kill these people?”- she lightly touched the tip of her nose.

-„You’re really straightforward, aren’t you”- Will was a bit amused with the lack of any reserve from the girl. He was rather used to people acting highly wary towards him. With the moment she entered the room he found her pretty interesting, yet he couldn’t really grasp what made her like this. Very young, with unordinary appearance, he could sense she was not from here, that it was not her natural habitat.

-„Are you my new lawyer?” - suddenly he started to wonder what was she doing here, with him. She wasn't sent from the court nor did she seem to be from FBI.

-„God forbid.”- y/n muttered barely auditable but Will heard it clearly. He raised and eyebrow and smirked.

-„They just wanted me to have a look at your case. Jack thinks I may be able to come up with something new.”- she shrugged lightly. Her tone suggested she didn’t really believe in that.

-„And you don’t think so?”- He smiled at her. A nice smile.

-„You know best what it looks like”- y/n turned her gaze to the barred window -„and it looks really”- she put an impact on that -„bad.”

Will was very aware of that.

-„I’m only doing it out of respect for Jack. I don’t take lost cases.”

-„So I am a lost case”- Will chuckled under his breath his eyes dropping to his handcuffs.

Y/n’s thoughts wandered off for a moment. Evidence pointed right at the man sitting in front of her. There was no place for speculation. But since she’s already here she may try to bring on some better defence line, than the one suggested by a woman named Alana Bloom. An attempt to prove insanity instead of dismissing the charges. She wasn't a fan of that idea. It wasn’t her style not to fight but to make compromises. Y/n didn’t exactly know why, and honestly she really did not have a need to know, why jack found this guy so important to him personally. But since he did, y/n was going to try her best to do it for him.

-„Depends”- she shifted her eyes back to the man -„if you did it.”

Will raised his eyes and held her gaze for a moment then leaned slightly forward and put on his most genuine and trustworthy tone he could manage to bring out right now.

-„I didn’t kill these people.”- he said very slowly and very seriously in a low voice.

Y/n stared at him for a second. Of course, he was said to be a manipulative sociopath, only she couldn’t get rid of the feeling that he was telling the truth. Either way, she nodded and grabbed her papers. That girl had an emotionless face mastered to perfection. Not knowing if she believed in what he just said, Will wondered what was her goal. It was widely known that he didn’t confess to these killings. He repeated it like a mantra. Maybe she wanted to hear it from him? Or was she hoping he's going to confess, and it will be over quickly? He wanted to know more about this young woman.

-„Will you stop by anytime soon miss Y/N?”

-„If I figure out how to make your case less lost”- she gave him the one last glance before showing the guard to open the door -„then maybe.”

She stood up and made her way to the door. Will followed her with his eyes. Somehow he felt hope that she may eventually believe him or at least don’t write him off so fast. The thought there may be someone at his side brought out a strange, comforting feeling. He observed carefully her every move. There was something in her that prevented her from blending in the crowd. He studied the details of her face, of her moves, her attitude. There was something intriguing about her. But he knew that if he saw it, Hannibal will see it too.

„And Y/N…”

She stopped mid-door and turned her side profile to him.

„Stay away from Hannibal Lecter.”

[whats-in-the-canister]

Taina “Caveira” Pereira x Fem!Reader - Closets

Summary: Taina is a good adoptive mother, despite her unconventional methods.

tags; parenting, sfw, reference to Caveria’s anti social personality disorder, wlw relationship, you’re a parent now, beta read by : @cosmiccutie18 , ily, not spellchecked tho I don’t do that here

Taina is a complicated woman. You’re into that.

That’s what you tell most people when they ask why you, of all people, share a wedding band with Rainbow’s residential interrogator. She was strong in places you weren’t, and you were soft in places she wasn’t. After a month of knowing eachother, you both had quickly noticed how in tune you were. You knew you loved eachother after three. Then after that, about a year later, you both knew you wanted to spend the rest of your possibly short lives (due to your job) together.

Your coworkers were a bit shocked, to say the least. They say opposites attract but no one was expecting you two to come together. However, after a drunken vent to Thermite at a after mission party, practically everyone at Hereford knew in the next hour. There were mixed responses. Some thought it was just a joke, asking you if you were pulling your April’s Fools nonsense early this year. Others believed it was dangerous, that she might be hurting you, or likewise you might be hurting her. Luckily, most congratulated you after you told them it was completely serious.

:read more:

On days where her past caught up to her, and she couldn’t bring herself to speak in public, you were there to drag her away from the crowds. You would whisk her away to a private section of the gym, so she could work out her problems. You would lay nearby and listen to her break sand. Whether it was her brothers driving her mad, Doc making her beyond livid, or God forbid Harry trying to make her go to counseling, you were there. She was glad you understood what she needed, as most people couldn’t read her.

On days where you couldn’t stand the sound of your own voice, or the sight of your own face, she would be there to break a mirror and put on a movie. She would be there to find the problem and fix it as soon as possible. On days where you would dispute with coworkers, she would be there behind your back, daring anyone to try to land a hand on her Coração. You appreciated her head and her heart alike, knowing both of her sides were always with you.

Suffice to say, you loved eachother. Then one day, you both decided to share that love.

Despite what people say, Taina is a sweetheart. You knew this when she would insist on feeding a stray outside the apartment, or donating an extra few cents at the store. The day you found her privately reading adoption articles online, you decided to have a talk.

At work, she had talked to a few of the other ops during a break from training. Alexsander and James were bragging about their daughters. Despite seeming uninterested, she couldn’t help but snoop.

She explained she had no interest in having her own children, as did you. However, she couldn’t help but feel like she was missing something. She told you about all the kids she knew while working for BOPE. The children she contacted on the streets for inside information, and how they never got a chance to grow up. How they never knew what family looked like, only what they didn’t have. It broke her heart at first, and she tried to convince herself she could desensitize herself to it.

Short story: it didn’t work.

So, you two came to an agreement. You would adopt, if you could manage leave from Hereford.

At first, you wanted a baby. Then you both considered how many older kids are looked over in adoption. You suggested a teenager, but she said she wanted younger. You agreed on a child around ten. Sex didn’t matter, neither did appearance. And no matter what they had been through, you were going to protect and care for them. They were going to be your child, after all.

After going through so many checks and forms, you were allowed to adopt a year later.

Taina cried when you met her, the first time you ever saw her do so in public. That night, she carried your child home, the little one refusing to let go of the broad woman.

A year later, your daughter had become comfortable around you both. Her name was Rose. Nine years old, put into the system at seven. She reminded you of Taina, with her quietness and little fidgets. You took care of her as your own, swearing to be there for her and your little family. While you were busy raising her, Taina was busy spoiling her rotten. You accepted not being the fun mom, but you could deal with it, seeing them both smile so brightly. Due to reasons beyond your understanding, you weren’t given context behind her adoption. Most likely for the best.

However, you could infer. From her reactions to Taina appearing in silence, she was always on edge. Your child couldn’t sleep at night, and rarely spoke. Despite what pain it brought to you, you knew she had been through something she wouldn’t be ready to address in a long time. It tore Taina apart. The woman knew what her bebê was going through. Growing up in poverty, never knowing if her family was going to be safe or not, she could relate to her on another level that went by you.

Rose’s problems continued, through emotional outbursts, sleeping trouble, and even moments of panic that seemed to come out of nowhere. At lunch, one moment she could be halfway through a meal, then another she would be red with tears eyes. She would cry uncontrollably, only being able to point at what was bothering her. You would hold her, comforting her through her fits. Unfortunately, they started while Taina was on a mission.

After a particularly bad fit, you had called Caveira when Rose was put to sleep. The woman answered instantly, wondering how you were and how Rose was as well. After expressing her woes and explaining her job this round, you broke the news to her. She paused, visually worried, and told you she’d be back soon to help through a stammer. She didn’t know what to do either, but she knew she was going to have to do something.

About a week later, your love was home. Rose ran down the stairs once she heard the door, almost tripping over her own feet to meet Taina. The woman didn’t bother to take off her vest or even put down her bags. She was just content with holding Rose up to her chest, carrying her around the house practically the entire later half of the day. She only let go when dinner was finished, but still then, she wanted to be near Taina or in her lap.

That night, when you were putting her to bed, she didn’t want to let go of Taina’s arm. She cried, trying to pull her mama down into her little bed. You stroked her hair, asking her what was wrong. She was quiet, an aura of fear surrounding her. All she could do was tear up and point to the other side of the room. After a few minutes, you were able to calm her down and she fell asleep...only to wake up screaming halfway into the night.

You and Taina were fast on your feet, running to her room, fearing the worse, only to be encountered with the same problem. A glazed look of fear and a gesture to the other side of the room. You relented, bringing her into your room for that night. She slept well after that, until the next night.

Rose stayed with you again that night, only to wake up halfway through it once more, clinging onto you for her life. Taina scanned the room, trying to find the problem, only to be met with the same pointer finger again. She followed her daughter’s lead, eyes landing on your closet. She stood up, trudging across the room, fist raised as she ran into the closet. The door slammed against the wall, showing it as empty, aside from your clothes and gear.

Your daughter grew quiet, smiling. Taina smiled back, giving you both a kiss before falling back to sleep, Rose quick behind her. You sighed in relief, following.

You thought this was the last of it, but you were wrong. The night afterwards, Rose slept in her own room. You had finished cleaning up for the day as Taina came out of the shower. You were switching into your pajamas as she wandered into your shared room, smiling.

“Aren’t you in a good mood?” You grinned, happy to see her so content.

“She’s made it a few good hours. I think we fixed the problem.” She laughed leaning her head onto your shoulder, resting her eyes. “What has she been through to scare her like that?”

Your hand fell onto her jaw as you contemplated the words. “We will know one day. I don’t like to think of it too much, but she will heal on her time, no matter what happened. Did she ever tell you about her dreams?”

“No, never. I think she’s ashamed of talking about them with me. I hate it.”

You sighed, laying down with her. You fixed the pillows and sheets as you sank down into your bed. “Someone’s always there trying to ‘get her’. Like the ones you have, but I think she’s reliving some sort of event.” You shivered, thinking about the words she spoke to you after you finished her schooling for the day. The tremble in her voice, the fear in her eyes. Beside you, Taina raised to put a hand on your shoulder, still. She was quiet and unfazed, by you knew what she was thinking.

“I think it’s best to not think about it.” You muttered as you wife nodded in agreement. Eventually, you nodded off into sleep, with Taina’s arm behind your pillow.

The room was pitch dark, with only one sound waking you up. Rose screaming. Much louder than you were used to. She was yelling hysterically, pleading in the language she shared with her other mother. It didn’t just sound like a nightmare this time. You and Taina moved in a flash, sprinting down the hallway. Your feet slammed against the floor as you swung Rose’s door open, Caveira was behind you, the knife she kept at your bedside in her hand.

Your daughter was alone, pointing at her closet again, that had no signs of being opened. Rose was swelling with tears, panting through gulps of air, if she had a sob choked down. Taina took only a second to act, rushing over to your daughter. “Rose, what’s wrong?”

Rose spewed a bunch of words, not understandable to you. A mix of syllables neither of you understood. You gently layed a hand on her back, petting her slowly. “It’s alright, we’re here. I’m here. Mami is here. You don’t have to say anything...” Taina was quiet beside you, eyes fixed on your child’s closet. Taking another gulp of air, Rose managed to speak and point. “He’s back, but you... you just don’t see him. He’s hiding and I can’t find him.”

Taina turned her head, looking your daughter in her eyes. “Bebê, who?” You interrupted, “He—“ Taina spoke louder, realizing something you didn’t. “No, you don’t have to say, where does he hide?” Your daughter calmed down for a second, raising a hand to point at her closet. Taina turned to the closet, raising her blade, a look of sternness coming over her face.

You recognized her stance.

Caveira raised her leg, before striking the door with the bottom of her foot. It flew off its hinges, sounding off as it crashed into the back of the closet. A hole was left where the hinges tore themselves off the wall. Rose blinked beside you at her destroyed room. It grew quiet, aside from your daughter’s soft breath.

Taina turned to her, “He’s not in here. Want me to check the rest of the house?”

Rose nodded, leaning into your chest as you picked her up. You left her room, heading to yours. Taina led the way, silent as a mouse as she turned the corner with her knife. Her body language mimicked what you recognized as her prowl during missions. Your daughter could tell she wasn’t fooling around.

Your bedroom’s closet was soon demolished, the blinds on it soon cracked into splinters. Your daughter watched her other mother in amazement. Taina cleared the large closet, knife still raised blade up.

Soon, you all stalked downstairs. Eventually, your daughter let you put her down. She followed behind Taina, mimicking her moves. The living room was next. Taina peaked around the corner, clearing the section in her line of sight. She crept her way towards the closet where you kept the extra tables and blankets. The wooden door was thin, easy to break, but no light could leak through its cracks. You pr daughter hid behind you, only tilting her head out from the corner of the doorframe.

Taina wasted no time wasting it either, with no mercy. It was soon left shattered, on the ground. Your heart pained thinking of the costs, but your daughter’s soft smile was worth it. Taina crept back over, in a whisper. She muttered to her daughter, “C’mon, we still need to check the pantry and bathrooms.” Rose nodded, taking her mother’s hand.

Taina made quick work of the pantry, letting your daughter check it for herself afterwards. The guest bathroom was destroyed. The shower curtains were torn down and the little closet for shampoos and towels was layed on the floor in waste. Eventually, only the last bathroom was left. Rose was walking with confidence now.

Taina looked at you, gesturing you forward. You knew what she was trying to say. You took a step forward, biting your lip. You weren’t jui jitsu artist like Caveira, but you had boxed with Craig a couple of times. You sized up the door, planting yourself, before knocking it down with a crash. The last closet in the house was demolished. All was now quiet and your daughter was beaming.

Rose looked up at Taina. Your daughter quickly dried her tears, amazed by your wife. There wasn’t a trace of fear on her little face.

She kneeled down, talking to her daughter. “He can’t hide from us now, bebê. He’ll have to show up in person. If he does, I’ll show him what those doors went through. And worse. No one will hurt you while momma and I are here.”

That morning, you all slept in. In your own rooms, with no nightmares. The next day, you did the same thing. Then the week after that. After the week after that one, Rose asked mami to teach her how to kick like you two.

[slapshot-to-the-heart]

Flatbush & Atlantic: part iv

And here’s part iv! I’d love it if y’all would reblog, this is a work I’m really proud of and the more people it’s shared with the better! My inbox is always open, and I’d love to hear your thoughts, even if it’s just “AAAAAH.” Enjoy!

part i part ii part iii

part iv

December 12

Cass grimaced, looking over at the tab on her laptop that had the Islanders game open. They were down 3-1 late in the third, and it didn’t look like they were going to be able to pull it off. It was the last game of a ten day roadie, and they had lost all but one against the Red Wings right at the beginning. And the Wings were 10-21, so it wasn’t even a confidence booster. To make matters worse, Mat was on a points drought; he hadn’t gotten an assist, let alone scored, since the first game of the trip, a 4-1 loss to the Blue Jackets. They also were playing a few players down, an MCL sprain and the ever-vague “lower body injury” kept the team from being at full strength. 

As the game came to a close, she didn’t even know if Mat wanted to talk to her. His relentless dedication was one of her favorite things about him, but it also led him to take things way too personally and be way too hard on himself even when  — especially when  — the situation didn’t call for it. He was probably beating himself up as the boys headed back into the locker room, being short with his teammates and trainers and whatever poor sports reporter had been sent to ask “how they planned on snapping this unfortunate streak” in the post-game interviews. He’d never be deliberately mean or unkind to anyone, but just like anyone, her boyfriend got stressed and overwhelmed and didn’t always know how to deal with it. I saw the game, she texted him, I’m proud of you. Call me if you want. 

Dec. 15 (wed)

Mat had barely spoken to her since the return from the roadie, and it was starting to get on her nerves. Texts were responded with single words, if they were answered at all. They were supposed to have visited the Met yesterday , but that hadn’t happened either. He had cancelled, saying that “some team thing came up” and he wouldn’t be able to make it. Barely apologized. And what pissed Cass of more than almost anything was that she wanted to help, she wanted so badly for him to just talk to her, she wouldn’t judge him or make him feel like he was a shitty player or a shitty person, but she couldn’t do that if he wasn’t even picking up her damn calls. Who do you talk to when there’s almost nobody in the world who understands the position you’re in? 

Maybe that was just it. She’d go to the people who did understand. Paige had added her to the WAGs Whatsapp group the week prior, and from everything she had gathered so far, it was exactly the sort of place to go for advice. Cass pulled up the chat, torn between not wanting to seem like she was oversharing but not really sure what else she could do. Hey, guys, she started. Mat’s been taking the losing streak pretty personally (as I’m sure a lot of your guys are) and seems to be pulling away. Any advice? I don’t want to push him but I know it’ll get worse if he just keeps it all bottled inside. Clicking send, Cass sighed, leaning back in her desk chair and trying desperately to study for her Environmental Law final. 

At some point after midnight, she closed her books and laptop with frustration. The test wasn’t until next week, but she wasn’t going to get anywhere trying to study as distracted as she was. She grabbed her phone, heading to the bathroom to brush her teeth and check the group chat. No fewer than six of the women had written back, some of whom she hadn’t even met, with long, sympathetic paragraphs overflowing with advice. She read them all, touched by the time, effort, and care that everyone has put into making her feel just a little less anxious. But the overwhelming message was clear. Find balance, but don’t let him blow you off. Be a support system, but you’re not his therapist. And repeated again and again, Talk to him. 

She tapped out a message before she turned her bedside lamp off, hoping that with morning would finally come a proper response from Mat. Can we meet for coffee tomorrow morning? You know as well as I do that we need to talk. I’ll be at Donahue’s at 8. 

Read: 12:23 AM

Dec. 16 (thurs)

Her foot tapped nervously, hands clasped tightly around the cup in front of her and beanie pulled over her head, curls poking out from under. He had read the text, but Cass had no clue if Mat was actually going to show up or not. He hadn’t responded. It was ten past eight, and Cass was just about ready to give up and head to school early. She had just put her laptop back in her bag when she caught Mat out of the corner of her eye. He gave her a small smile, equal parts nervous and almost  — bothered? “Hey,” he said softly, unzipping his puffer coat and sliding into the chair opposite her. “You said you wanted to talk?”

Suddenly, the whole elaborate speech Cass had prepared, about letting her in and supporting him and communication, left her mind. “Yeah.”

“So, talk,” Mat said, with a slight edge to his voice. 

She looked down at her cup. “I get that you’re disappointed about the losing streak. I get it and I’m sorry that you’re not doing as well as you hoped —”

“I don’t think you do get it, Cassidy —”

She cut him off. “Let me finish, Mathew. I’m sorry that you’re not doing as well as you hoped, and I do get how shitty it is when you know you’re putting in the time and effort and practice and it doesn’t seem like anything’s working, but you’ve barely talked to be about any of it.”

“‘Cause I don’t want to,” Mat mumbled. 

Cass leaned back in her chair. “And I get that. I get if you don’t want to talk to me. But you’re not talking to anyone. You’re not talking to Tito, I asked him and he said you’ve been just as closed-off with the team. You’re not talking to any of the other guys. And I’d bet you’re not talking to your parents or your sister either.”

No one gets it!” Mat said in frustration, a little louder than was necessary. “I go through so much shit and have so much pressure on me and…” He trailed off for a minute. “I don’t want to disappoint the team, I don’t want to disappoint the fans. I don’t want to disappoint my family. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Everyone had their ups and downs,” Cass started.

“And I get that,” Mat said, holding his head in his hands and looking down at her coffee cup. The same white-and-blue one he had gotten her two months earlier. “But it’s hard. It’s hard when I’m feeling like the fans aren’t getting what they deserve when they come to games, and like I’m not worth what they’re paying me right now. I know you want to, but you don’t get it.”

Cass looked away, turning her eyes to the street. The sidewalk was dusted in white, turning to slush every time someone walked past. It was the first snow of the year. “Then help me to.”

He breathed out, finally relaxing a little. “It’s not that easy.”

“I want to help you,” Cass said, leaning over the table and clasping his hands in hers. “But you can’t keep freezing me out like this, chou. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to me.”

Mat closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. “I just don’t want this to become your thing too. You shouldn’t have to deal with this. I know right now kind of sucks for me but that’s just how it is sometimes, you know? It’s just how it is and I have to get over it. I have to get over myself.”

“Mat, your well-being and mental health isn’t something you can just ‘get over.’ Or even something you should. I’m not a professional, and if you need one that’s something we can find,” Mat wrinkled his face, and Cass was pointedly reminded how often men’s mental health was ignored, “but I’m here for you to talk to. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

He ran his thumb over her hand. “But you didn’t sign up for this.”

Cas shook her head. “Mathew Barzal. This is exactly what I signed up for. I’m pretty smart,” he cracked a smile, “and I knew what I was getting myself into. Dating someone with such an unconventional job and schedule can be stressful, and frustrating, and confusing for everyone involved. But I chose it, Mat. I chose you.”

Dec. 21 (mon)

For once, Cass wasn’t headed straight home after work, or headed to a game, or — God forbid — back to the library to study. Her last final had been that morning, and she was free for three blessed weeks until the New Year. Which meant that she didn’t have to worry about turning in another essay or memorizing another case, which meant that she was more than free to go to the team Christmas party with Mat later that night. He had somehow been coerced into hosting, and Cass had promised to get to his apartment early to help set up. He was mostly done by the time she got there, so “setting up” turned out to mean setting up the bar and putting out snacks, Cass mixing up an enormous pitcher of her favorite sangria, a signature standby from her sorority’s Wine Wednesdays. 

Mat had even put up a proper Christmas tree, and Cass smiled at the piney scent as she headed down the hallway, bag in hand. “Cool if I change in your room?” She shouted down the hall at Mat, who was currently engrossed in pouring a bowl full of chocolate-covered pretzels. “Yeah, go for it,” he called back. Cass didn’t have a lot of excuses to dress up, but liked taking advantage when the occasion called for it. Her dress was short, red satin with a slit on one side and silver embellishment on the other. She used his bathroom to touch up her makeup, swiping her burgundy lipstick on and double-checking her brows. Cass shoved her work clothes back into her backpack, tossing it onto the plush armchair in the corner of his room. 

She walked down the hallway, which was pretty much bare save for a few pictures of his friends from home and one with his family on the day he was drafted. She was kind of surprised that Mat owned a single picture frame. Cass sat on the couch in his living room, looking at the Christmas tree. There were one or two Islanders ornaments, a paper Santa that she assumed had been a kindergarten art project, a photo of his family around the fireplace that looked like it had been taken a year or two earlier. Mat wrapped his arms around her, hugging her from behind. “Whatcha looking at, babe?” 

She smiled. “Your ornaments. They’re really pretty.”

“Not  as pretty as you.”

The door rang, Mat kissing her quickly before walking across the room to open it. A group of the younger players piled in, mostly rookies and call-ups from Bridgeport. One of them had brought along a keg of beer, and Cass had to fight back a laugh while showing him to the kitchen and setting it on the counter. He was just out of college, she’d stake her life on it. By the time she’d secured the keg and started getting people set up with drinks, the living room had started to fill up. “What can I get you?” She asked Paige, who had left Tito with the boys by the tree and made her way over to Cass. 

“What are my chances of getting a Moscow mule?” Paige asked. “I don’t want to be a difficult guest, but,”

“Very good,” Cass said, turning around and grabbing the vodka and ginger ale. “We don’t have the proper mugs though, so don’t be complaining.” One shot of vodka. Half a can of ginger ale. Squeeze a lime. She had bartended for a little over a year when she first moved to New York, and it was still one of her favorite things to do for friends. Mixing herself a whiskey sour, Cass wandered back over to Mat and Tito. 

---

It was well past eleven and the party was nowhere near stopping. While everyone was conscious of the noise level — for the most part, she had seen a few of the guys being reminded to use their inside voices — the conversations were still going and the drinks were still flowing. Cass had passed the tipsy point somewhere around 10:30, though she was nowhere near as hammered as some of the team. Or their dates, for that matter. She was cuddled up against Mat on the couch, heels long having since been abandoned and nursing what she was pretty sure was a vodka sprite with way too much vodka and way too little sprite. Whatever, Cass thought ruefully as she tipped the last of it back. It gets the job done. 

Mat was a touchy drunk, Cass had learned, and one hand seemed to have taken up permanent residence at her waist while he sipped a beer with the other. “What do you think Christmas will be like for you?” Cass asked softly, tilting up her head to look at him. “Since you won’t be with your family.” Mat knew it was a possibility, but he was still pretty upset when he looked at the schedule and realized that his family wasn’t going to be able to fly out to spend the holidays with him, and he didn’t have enough time to go back out to Vancouver. 

Her parents had extended the invitation for Mat to spend Christmas with them when she had been back up for Thanksgiving; he couldn’t make Christmas Day, but was able to carve out two days to visit. He smiled at her, leaning down and kissing the top of her head. “You’re cute when you’re worried, y’know that?” Cass scrunched up her nose. “It’s not like I’m going to be alone. I’m doing Christmas with Beau, since Paige’ll be out of town too, and some of the guys usually plan a nice dinner thing for anyone who’s not with family.”

“That sounds nice,” Cass noted, still feeling a pang of guilt. 

“Hey,” Mat said, noticing her distraction. He sat up, turning her face to look towards him. “I’ll be fine. I’m a grown-ass man.” 

Cass cocked an eyebrow. “Sure about that?”

Mat giggled. “Okay, okay, fine. Point taken. But yeah, it would be nice to have my family, but I kind of do, y’know?” He said, nodding around to the guys. Cass could have sworn that in that moment, her heart melted. “And I want you to spend time with yours. I’d be kind of a shitty boyfriend if I didn’t want you to.” Mat leaned in, and his lips brushed against hers so that they were almost touching but not quite, hesitantly. Cass pressed against him, her fingers finding purchase in the baby hairs at the nape of his neck. She loved that he was letting his hair grow out. He tasted like whiskey and tequila and some cheap beer that she was pretty sure was Natty Light, but she couldn’t have cared less, just like she ignored the not-so-subtle wolf-whistles from the teammates. 

Everyone started clearing out around midnight, a few staying to help stuff cans and bottles into trash bags that were left unceremoniously in the kitchen to be dealt with the next morning. Cass yawned, rubbing her eyes. She had sobered up some, but was still well past the legal limit. “Whatcha doing?” Mat asked, seeing her about to order an Uber.

“Calling a ride?” Cass questioned.

“Why don’t you just stay?” Mat asked haltingly. “If you want.” Cass had obviously been over to his place before, multiple times, but hadn’t stayed the night yet. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, because she did, but it was something that was a big step for her. That meant a lot to her. But it was late, and she was sleepy, and Mat did make a really good pillow. “Okay,” she conceded. 

Mat smiled, taking her hand and leading her back to his bedroom. He rummaged through his dresser, grabbing an old Thunderbirds t-shirt and athletic shorts and handing them to her as she walked into his ensuite. “I don’t have stuff to get your makeup off, but there is soap?” He offered. 

Cass laughed. “I brought some wipes, but thank you. That’s really sweet.” She changed and took her makeup off, finding a spare toothbrush in one of the drawers and brushing her teeth. She popped out after a few minutes. Mat was already changed, dressed in pyjama pants and a comfy-looking heathered grey top. “The red toothbrush is mine now.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he responded, cracking a smile. A few minutes later, she had claimed the left side of the bed and he had come back from the bathroom. They were lazily kissing, Mat’s hand just barely brushing the skin on her waist from where the shirt had ridden up. Cass was still tipsy and she knew Mat wouldn’t try anything, not like this, but God, it was nice just to feel close to him. After a few minutes he pulled back, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear that had fallen out of the loose messy bun she had thrown together. “What’s running through your head, babe?” He murmured. 

Cass looked down, biting her lip. She was usually good with emotions, good with communication, but something about Mat made her heart skip a beat and brain go into overdrive all at once, and somehow she was convinced that it was the best feeling in the world. “I’m just really happy right now,” she breathed. “It’s Christmas, with our friends, and you...It’s everything I could want.” 

Mat gave the softest smile. “You, with me, right now? That’s all I could want, Cass.”

Dec 22. (wed)

Cass zipped her suitcase shut, double-checking that she had everything she’d need for her two weeks in Connecticut. It wasn’t a big deal if she forgot something, there was probably some stuff left in her old dresser, and her little sister Eliana was about the same size. Mat had just texted that he was almost there. Cass grabbed her backpack and suitcase, stopping for a moment to pop out the final few chocolates on the Advent calendar her mom had sent down. She closed her bedroom door, wishing a harried goodbye to Ryanne and Stella, and ambled down the stairs as fast as her bags would allow her. She didn’t want Mat to have to double-park and risk getting a ticket. 

True to his word, Mat was just pulling up when she came out of the building, waving one hand and double-checking the street was clear before flipping his hazards on and hopping out to help her put her bags in the trunk. Kissing him on the cheek in thanks, Cass slid into the passenger’s side, giving Mat a very pointed look when she saw that the first song on his playlist was Justin Bieber. “Don’t make fun of me,” he mumbled, blushing. 

“Who said I’m making fun of you?” Cass said lightly, trying and failing to hide her smile. 

They had decided that Mat would make the drive, since he was only staying two nights they had figured it would make more sense. The directions had been plugged into the Bluetooth system, and they had just made it out of the city when Mat looked over at the passenger’s seat, furrowing his brow when he saw Cass’s expression. Something was bothering her. “What’s up, babe?”

She bit her lip. “Nothing.”

“C’mon, we both decided we weren’t going to do this anymore. You don’t have to tell me if you really don’t want to, but I think you want to talk.”

Cass looked down at her lap. “I got a letter from the company that’s handling my student loans.”

“I thought you didn’t have any debt?” Mat asked quizzically.

She let out a single, humorless laugh. “That was for undergrad, and that was only because I was really, really lucky. I got some money from the school and I worked some, but that only covered about half of my costs? A little less?” 

“Which leaves you with how much?”

“A hundred and ten thousand dollars, give or take. They were sending me the payment schedule, I have to start paying it back late next year.” 

Mat breathed out. He knew that Cass didn’t come from money, but being from Canada and not having gone to college himself, he wasn’t really aware of just how debilitating student debt could get. “Do your parents know?” He asked gently.

Cass picked at a loose thread on her scarf. “Yeah. They helped as much as they could, but there’s three of us and they’re not made of money. “I, uh,” she paused briefly, “I told you I went to private school, yeah?” Mat nodded. “Catholic school doesn’t come cheap, so I was actually on work-study at my high school, which helped a lot. But I hated it.”

“Your school?” He questioned. 

She shook her head. “No, I loved my school. It was great. I just hated feeling like a charity case. My school’s in a pretty well-off neighborhood, so most of the families there had money, and some were like proper ‘old money’ New Englanders. I had some great friends and nobody ever really outwardly was an ass about it if they knew, but still…” She trailed off.

“You felt like you never quite fit in.” Mat finished.

She nodded. “It was hard and it sucked sometimes, but that’s just how it is, I guess,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. 

Two hours later, Mat pulled into Manchester, following Cass’s directions down the winding roads and corners of her hometown. “Do you think they’ll like me?” He asked nervously, eyes flitting between Cass and the road in front of him. 

Her brow furrowed. “Who? My family?” Mat nodded. “My family’s going to love you. You’re kind and you treat me with respect. That’s all they’ve ever wanted for me. And my brother already worships the ground you walk on, practically,” she added with a smile. 

“He’s a junior, yeah?” 

“Mhm,” she responded. Cass’s younger brother Noah was a junior in high school, and one of the best players on his club hockey team. Hockey didn’t run cheap and he had been lifeguarding the past few summers to pay for it, but it was all starting to pay off and he was having some interest shown by college scouts. 

Mat pulled up beside the curb in front of her house, killing the engine and shoving the keys back into his pocket. Cass popped the trunk and took her backpack, while Mat got his duffel and her suitcase. She reached for his hand as they walked up the driveway, giving it a reassuring squeeze as she rang the doorbell. 

“Cass!” Eliana squealed, hugging as much of her sister as she could manage around the bags. “Put your bags by the door, Dad’s grilling out back and I think Mom’s making your bed.” Mat had had an afternoon game and the two had left not long after, so it was dinnertime and Cass was ravenous. “Grilling in December?” She questioned. 

Eliana shrugged, closing the door behind them. “You know Patrick, you go be the one to tell the man he can’t make burgers in the winter.” She turned to Mat, also greeting him with a hug. “You must be Mat, Cass talks about you a lot.” 

Cass swatted her. “El!”

Mat chuckled. “Yeah. Mat Barzal, nice to meet you. Good things, I hope?”

“Only the best,” Eliana said, leading them through to the back porch, where her dad was grilling on the patio while Noah was doing sprints up and down the lawn. He almost fell when he spotted Cass and Mat, causing Mat to have to hide a laugh behind his hand. Her dad turned around, setting the spatula down when he saw them. Mat swallowed, sticking out his hand for a shake. “Mat Barzal, sir.”

“Call me Patrick. Good to meet you Mat, go get settled and we should have dinner ready in a few, okay?” Mat nodded. “Noah, pick your jaw up off the floor and go help them with their things, okay?” Noah ducked his head, brushing the dirt off his shorts before jogging over to where Mat and his sisters were on the porch. 

“Do I hear my Cassidy?” Cass could hear her mom inside, walking down the hallway with Noah and Mat before she ran into her by her old bedroom. “It’s me, Mom!” Cass said excitedly, hugging her mom. Mat initially went for another handshake, but she shooed it away, embracing him. “We’re huggers in this family,” she said by way of explanation, pulling away after a moment. “Ysabel Cabrera, so nice to finally meet you, Mat.” 

Mat smiled. “It’s great to finally meet you too.”

Ysabel pointed down the hall. “Noah’s got bunk beds, so you’ll be with him in there, it’s the last door on the left. Cass, I trust you still can find your room.”

“Yes, mamá,” Cass said, rolling her eyes. “See you in a few, chou.” He kissed her on the cheek, under the watchful eye of her mom, and followed Noah down the hall. 

---

Two hour later, Mat and Cass were cuddled together on the living room couch, his arm slung around her as they half-watched reruns of Parks & Rec. “D’you just want to do presents now?” He asked, looking down at her. “Because I know we’ve got plans tomorrow, and I don’t see how it really matters if we’re not going to be together Christmas Day.”

Cass looked up. “Uh, sure, if you want?” 

“Meet you back in a minute,” Mat said, hopping off of the couch and disappearing down the hall. Cass rolled her eyes, walking into her room, grabbing the envelope, and returning to the living room. Mat got up when she entered, proudly handing her a surprisingly well-wrapped present. 

“You look very pleased with your work,” Cass noted, laughing. 

“I watched a Youtube tutorial,” Mat admitted, “but did you know that there’s so much that goes into folding neat corners? It’s practically an art!”

“I’ll take you word for it,” Cass said, handing him his envelope. “Open yours first.”

Mat sat back down, running his thumb through the flap and pulling out a coupon. He looked at it quizzically for a minute. “Beer delivery?”

“Craft beer delivery,” Cass corrected pointedly. “Because I don’t want you to have to resort to Natty Light ever again. I saw your fridge, it’s actually the worst. You need taste, babe.” Mat snorted. “And they deliver to Canada, so you don’t have to worry about missing out on the offseason.” 

“I love it, pretty girl,” Mat said, kissing her. “Now open yours.” Cass carefully popped the corners open, unfolding the wrapping paper. My Beloved World - Sonia Sotomayor. “You said once that you really admire her, and I didn’t see it on your bookshelf, so I thought you’d like it.”

“I do, I love it. I love that you remembered even more,” Cass added. 

But Mat wasn’t done. “Open it,” he said expectantly.

Confused though she was, Cass opened the cover of the book. “It’s...signed? She said softly, reverently tracing her fingers over the inscription. 

“Yeah.” Mat went on, explaining, “I found it in this little bookstore in Brooklyn, and knew I had to get it for you. Knew what it would mean to you.”

“It’s incredible. You’re incredible. I can’t believe you’d do something like that for me.” 

Their foreheads touched. “Why wouldn’t I?” Mat whispered. “It’s for you.” 

And in that moment, there was nothing anyone could do to take away how happy that made her feel. How happy he made her feel. 

[therogueheart]

SuperShield Drabble

Blame @capnwinghead for whatever this is. 

TW: Very brief mention of blood in the first line. 

He hit the ground hard enough to spit blood for the third time and Clint crowed from the sidelines, delighted. 

"How's it feel to be one of us again, Cap?" The archer snorted in amusement, plucking at the fletching he was working into a new arrow stem. Steve groaned and rolled over, staring up at the ceiling and watching the strip lights dance in his blurry vision. 

"Feels great. Bit of emasculation is good for the soul," he wheezed back, and blinked when the lights became a set of bright, sunny-sky eyes and an apologetic, lopsided smile. 

"I have yet to meet a match for my abilities beyond Kryptonite, Captain. Don't take it too hard."

"He's takin' something hard, alright," Clint drawled, gaze shifting pointedly, and Steve felt about blindly for the shield before tossing it halfheartedly in the direction of his fellow Avenger, cheeks blazing. 

He couldn't control what got his gears turning; sue him. It wasn't unconventional for being smacked around to ignite fuses of varying result. 

He closed his eyes and let himself catch his breath, trying desperately to ignore the figure leaning over him. It had been two weeks since a rupture in the multiverse had thrown Clark Kent into the midst of their New York, and while Doctor Strange searched for a way to shunt him back to his own reality, the God-like alien had become a fast favourite amongst The Avengers.

Even if he did make more or less all of them feel like runts. Thor still hadn’t recovered from their little spat a week ago, and retreated to Asgard to lick his wounds and search desperately for a way to send Clark back home. 

“I could watch this all day, Kent. Hey; can you send him spinning again? It makes my heart feel good,” Clint hummed from the side, and Steve let his head loll, squinting a glare across at him. 

“Shut it, or I’ll tell Bucky to put you in the dog-house for a week."

Clint’s expression fell. “You wouldn’t. Man, I just got dick privileges back after Moscow!”

Steve sent off his best try me face, and Clint’s expression twisted before the archer scrambled up, jogging off to presumably get his cheeks clapped just for the principle of it. Steve let out a breath and turned his gaze back upwards, jolting in surprise when he realised Clark was still leaning over him, watching the exchange (him) with a soft, gentle amusement. 

“Your world isn’t so different from mine,” the other man murmured, head tilting slightly. Steve pulled a face. God forbid; he’d rather someone like Ultron than a deranged maniac clown. He’d never liked clowns in the first place, in all honesty.

Clark reached a hand down towards him and Steve took it, shuffling to brace a foot against the floor. It was a shot in the dark but he twisted at the last minute and attempted to haul Clark down, but the alien barely moved an inch, head tilting unsettlingly, smirk lifting. 

“Worth a try,” Steve reasoned with a shameless shrug. Clark gave a soft hum in response and shifted, the flex of his muscles the only indicator of his intention before Steve’s world spun like a fairground ride and he found himself upright, pressed against Clark’s chest. It was dizzying and he took a moment to recenter himself with a breath, blinking into those ensnaring rings of blue. 

Who knew an alien could be so attractive? 

“Does it bother you?” Clark asked after a moment, head tipping, eyes roaming his face curiously. They were still holding hands, still pressed together and it took Steve a moment to be able to make a questioning sound low in his throat. 

“Me being stronger. Unbreakable. Does that bother you?” 

“I’ve met many men stronger than me. Many who aren’t men. I wasn’t always like this." 

“I know. I can see it, inside you. So much blue." And wasn’t that disconcerting? Steve pulled and face and then pulled away, rolling his shoulders. 

“I don’t mind it. Someone will always be stronger than me, and I’m sure somewhere out there is someone stronger than you,” he reasoned, forced himself to temper his body. If Clark could see the serum inside him there was no doubt he could see... Other things. When he looked over his shoulder Clark was still smiling, but now there was something knowing and honed within it.

[angelicspaceprince]

Photographs

Author:  Ama

Title: Photographs

Pairing: Established Beetlejuice/Reader, friends Beetlejuice and Lydia

Character/s: Beetlejuice, Lydia.

Word Count: 1, 814 words

Warnings: Mentions of yellow fever and death, possible historical inaccuracies, Beetleboi being a sad boi.

Tags:  @justballoonfishthings, @beetlejuicecansteponme, @yankyo, @beetlebitchywitch, @scribblepigeon, @trelaney, @kyuubinu, @imma-fucking-nerd (some I tagged bc I wanted you to suffer with me, others bc I’ve been ranting about this to you guys all morning, enjoy!)

Summary: Lydia finds a box at Beetlejuice’s house, not realising that what it contains is an emotional subject for her friend. He goes through each item in the box and explains the history of the person the images are centered around.

Notes: Two fics within hours of each other? What magic is this? Also, I hit you with cuteness, and now I hit you with sad. Suffer.

So, I’ve fallen in love with a song that Alex Brightman sings from the 35mm musical called Cut You A Piece and it gives me tears every time I hear it so here. Have a fic loosely based on it.

Basically, the Beetlejuice I’m using is Musical!Juice but stuff like Lydia visiting his house in the Netherworld is more from the cartoon. You were alive in the 1850s. There are mentions of yellow fever and death in this fic. It’s pretty sad, if people want a happy ending hmu and I’ll try and scrounge something together. I also based the hair colours off dreammbc’s mood ring hair headcanons found here. Takes place after the musical, Beej disappeared for about a year before returning to hang out with his best friends and everyone in the Deetz house are fine with him sue me I want a happy family ending. Female reader, soz all. Enjoy!

Buy Me a Coffee

Photographs

Beetlejuice hadn’t thought of you in the better part of sixty years. Possibly longer. It was too hard to think about you and what happened. He didn’t like crying or feeling broken, but after everything that happened? He just broke down whenever he thought of you.

So, when Lydia brought up the box in the living room that remained firmly shut, the sudden onset of emotions that attacked him was enough for Lydia to decide to get out.

He was never good with emotions.

It took a couple of days before he calmed down, his hair slowly having blue and yellow slowly streaking into it compared to the pitch black it had been since Lydia brought up the box. It took another day for him to sheepishly return to the Deetz’s to apologise, box in hand.

He apologised for scaring her (he didn’t) and that he just needed his space (she knows) but if she really wanted to know what was in the box, he could show her now.

The curious teen tentatively took the box from him and opened it up. Inside were a few, old looking photos of a woman dressed in what appears to be just an everyday dress from the mid 1800’s and a very clean looking Beetlejuice dressed in similarly aged attire. Both of you were laughing and smiling, holding onto each other, clearly very much in love. Beneath all five of the photos was what clearly used to be a pressed rose, although it looked a little beyond dead at this point, and two silver rings, one larger than the other. Lydia carefully held each object as Beetlejuice looks down at them next to her, clearly in another world as he just watches her go over every single item. “Who was she?” She finally asks, pointing to the woman in the picture.

“Y/N.” He breaths out, a small smile appearing on his lips as he takes the photo, the last one the two of you took together before-. “She was my fiancé.” He explains softly as he thumbs over your laughing face at whatever bad joke, he had told you right before the photo was taken. “Well, nearly.” Lydia looks over at the photos again, it’s clear in every single one Beetlejuice is absolutely smitten. She turns over the top photo in the pile on her lap, in green ink and swirled writing she makes out the caption. ‘June 6th, 1852. Beetlejuice and Y/N, New York. Pretty sure the photographer was over us by the end.’

“How did you meet?” She doesn’t look up from the pile in her lap, continuing to turn over each photo to reach the written message on the back. She didn’t notice the fond smile and his mood ring hair slowly turning to a pastel green.

“Her friends summoned me as a joke.” He starts. “19th century was filled with people who wanted to communicate with the dead, her friends didn’t think that anything would happen but then I showed up and they all booked it. She thought I was hysterical so she kept me around. About a year later, she asked me to court her and so we started dating.” He starts to fidget and fiddle, putting the photo back in the box so he doesn’t ruin it with the anxiety that’s running through his body. The last thing he wants to do is crinkle the photos or, God/Satan forbid, rip it. “We dated for about three years, those photos were for our first anniversary. She didn’t believe in the whole getting married thing, we were already living together and that was enough for her. Bit unconventional for the time, but that was my Y/N.” His smile widens slightly when the happy memories start to wash over him. “Was always there if I needed help scaring someone, always there to bounce ideas. Couldn’t stand the fact that I was filthy all the time, so I took to bathing for her which was a big deal for both of us. She had a higher standard of cleanliness than most people back then. Couldn’t dance to save herself though. Not wearing those dresses, she kept tripping over the skirts.”

Lydia listens to every word, letting Beetlejuice more or less spill his heart out. Neither of them are into heart-to-hearts, but its pretty evident that this time around, its what her friend needs. She listens as he lists off every single thing he loved about her and the things that frustrated him about her, every tiny detail she loved about life and the things she hated, what she loved about him and what caused her to want to beat him with a stick. It was like all of a sudden, he could remember every detail that he had thought he had forgotten, and if he didn’t voice them, they’d be gone. By the end of it, his hair was streaked with faint blue with his pastel green, voice was wobbly, and eyes wear close to shedding tears. Lydia knew that he had to get it out of his system and, even though it made her uncomfortable, she wanted to give him permission to just let it out.

“What happened to her?” Her voice is gentle and encouraging as he clears his throat, not really wanting to tell her how your relationship ended, but needing to nonetheless.

“She died.” He quietly admits. “Yellow fever, there was an outbreak around 1853, 1855. She was one of the last ones to die.” He swallowed before continuing. “I thought something was wrong, but she insisted it was just a cold. She was so hot, couldn’t even stand to hear me walk across the floor to get her something to drink. Couldn’t eat she was so tired, but she was in so much pain she couldn’t sleep. So, she just cried and held on to me to keep her cool.” Beetlejuice closed his eyes, already seeing her face resurfacing in his mind. “It was after three days of pain she started to puke her guts up. Three days after that, she was vomiting blood. Two days after that, she started going yellow. She kept saying that she didn’t want to go to hospital but when she started to go yellow in her eyes and her skin looked like she had been rolling around in the yellow dye vat at her work, I just stood up and carried her there myself.” He swallows. “I should have taken her there sooner, by the time we got her there she was already too close to death. I stayed with her in that hospital, helped her drink whatever little water I could and let her sleep with me keeping her cool. She just continued to go yellow. There was so much blood, Lyds, I never thought a breather could produce so much.” He needs to breath, the smell of the hospital refilling his nose was getting to be too much for him. “Eventually, she just slept. She slept for another week before she died in my arms. And that was the end of that.” He retakes the photo from before and flips it over, in his messy and almost illegible handwriting he reread the words he’d written there over a hundred years ago in the same green ink. ‘Marry me?’ “I should have taken her to the hospital sooner, but I thought she’d know best. She was still a breather, I hadn’t been alive for centuries by that point, I thought perhaps I was overreacting because I was excited. I found out about the clause, if you marry a breather you become one too. I was going to propose to her and explain that we could have an actual relationship together and die together, be a bit more normal. I never got that chance.” In anger, he throws the photo back down as he slams back onto Lydia’s bed. It’s only now that she realises his hair is streaked in almost every colour of the rainbow as conflicting emotions hit him from left, right and centre. She gives him a minute before slowly packing everything away.

“Did you look for her?” She hears him nod against the mattress, his eyes still pressed firmly shut as he tries his best to cry silently.

“Spent nearly a hundred years looking through the Netherworld tryna find her. Spent a bit of time looking up here too. No luck. She’s gone, babes. You will never find what you’re looking for in the Nether, so there’s no point in looking.” He cracks open an eye to look at the box now sitting between him and the goth teen and sighs. “I try not to think of her, it hurts too much. But wherever I go, she comes too.”

Lydia hums. She gets it, to a degree. It hurts every single time she thinks of her mother, how sick she got and how quick she had died. But she still needed to think of her, she’d rather face the pain than forget her mother. And she also knows what it feels like when wherever you go, you feel like you’re carrying that person with you. “Perhaps it’s what you need? It hurts but you still have all your good memories.” He hums, not really agreeing or disagreeing. “It sounds like you cut her a piece of you, and she cut you a piece of her. You carry her now and I think she carries you too, Beej.”

Beetlejuice doesn’t make a sound, but he did hear her. It takes a while for his emotions to slowly simmer down to background noise and once it does, he simply sits up, grabs the box and shuts it away, leaving everything as it was before he opened it. Perhaps one day, he will be able to open the box without hurting and perhaps, one day, he will run into you again. Perhaps it’ll work out for him in the long run. But for now, he’d rather not think about it.

“Let’s go scare your dad kid, I’ve been letting him relax for too long now.” The demon offers as a distraction. Lydia, under normal circumstances, wouldn’t let him get away that easy. But she’s willing to let this one slide as the two of them leave the room to go plot a way to give Charles the fright of his life, leaving the box on the bed unattended, unseen, as it opens, and a sixth photograph appears on top of the pile. Of a very sickly-looking woman sleeping in the arms of a very stressed demon sleeping in a hospital bed surrounded by other sick people. On the back, the words simply say ‘Wherever you go, I’ll go too. I lost my life when I lost you.’ You can wait for him to be ready to find you again, however long it takes.

[moonsabr]

Disney Fever Rant

Let’s be honest with ourselves, the Family Friendly Disney©️™️ Corporation became nothing but another soulless, creatively bankrupt, money hungry business that has a board full of greedy — potentially and allegedly (don’t sue me Disney) potentially criminally so — directors who, according to Abigail Disney allegedly underpay their employees, and only put in any sort “effort” (READ: spending half of their film’s marketing budget buying up opening night seats to make sure that every single one of their films makes $1 Billion dollars because God forbid Disney have a single flop), believed they didn’t need to market Galaxy’s Edge because Chief Executive Asshole Bob “I know we’re having a bad quarter & our PR is in the shitter but imma take a book tour for my autobiography real quick” Iger thought it would market itself (this is the same Disney CEO Bob Iger, by the way, who keeps raising prices because he’s so confident in the brand created, built, and embedded permanently within previous decades of Americana due to the hard work and creative genius of Walt Disney that he believes he can peddle out absolute garbage without consequence. CEO of Disney Lil’ Bitch Bobbie “My salary is 1,000x Greater Than the Average Disney Employees Even Though My Decisions Are Causing a Cutback in Hours and Even Getting People Laid Off” Iger really got his head up his ass because he believes he can say shit insanely out of touch and greedy shit like “[I can’t imagine] a maximum price guests will pay for a ticket to [our] theme parks” and keep hiking up the prices until one day, big surprise, this foolish, smug turd charged too much or didn’t market enough or maybe, people are just not blinded by the now-defunct and decades-long neglected Disney Magic™️ because the man in charge is more focused on a single-minded and extremely concerning-to-artistic-integrity-and-the-very-concepts-of-free-speech-and-fair-trade-and-anti-monopolistic fair business practices of purchasing every potentially lucrative IP known to man in a move so anti-competitive that they were forced by the fucking U.S. Justice Department to sell off some of their news properties — oh, but it’s okay, guys! The extremely hardworking and under-appreciated employees of Disney World will finally be making a baseline amount of $15/hour, so at least those hardworking folks can have the chance of affording a shared apartment less than 40 minutes away from the park! And hey, at least we’ll inevitably get a Summer Blockbuster X-Men trilogy, which I’m sure won’t be a bland and extremely superficial set of films more concerned with entertaining a general audience than preserving the heart of X-Men and why it was created and what it continues to symbolize. Good Ol’ Bobbie Buy-ger’s “Hello, Fellow Children” Disney will absolutely not make a mockery of the integrity with which those contemporaneously radical set of complex and volatile cultural and sociopolitical issues of the 1960′s were addressed via the humanization of both the protagonistic X-Men, who were peaceful advocates for the (then-primarily racially coded) mutants’ integration and equality within a society that is terrified and disgusted by them, in contrast with the slowly developing and unexpected depth of character and humanization of the members of the Brotherhood of Mutants, who are constantly portrayed as an antagonistic but not wholly evil foil to the X-Men as a much more violent group of radicals with a more extreme and militant approach to gaining mutant’s rights (coded heavily at the time, of course, as the Black Panther Movement) which fought for an apartheid with a zealous “Mutant’s First” slogan, believing themselves superior to humans without the X-Gene. And because of the appropriately addressed and carefully handled themes, mutants occasionally even switched sides because after all, they were all fighting for mutant rights. Baring in mind the intricacies and mature themes of X-Men and the MCU’s masterfully sophisticated and tactfully manifold take on sexism which can be succinctly summarized as “WOMAN GOOD; MAN BAD” (which strikes me as particularly unusual narrative composition to frame the villain, who has assaulted a stranger and stolen his property because he gave her a cheesy pickup line that wasn’t particularly sexual or intimidating, as the hero of the story — clearly, if the Disney MCU is willing to create such an experimental piece of avant-garde cinema verité wherein the reality of a cruel, spiteful, and sadistic person is constantly thrust into the spotlight and incessantly touted as a heroic figure is put on display. None of this would have been possible, however, without a courageously flawless and unconventional choice to hire Brie Larson via the application of typage casting, allowing Boden and Fleck to shine a  b l a c k  m i r r o r , if you will allow me to be so edgy and bold as to use such a trite phrase in this post Netflix world, on our own flawed society, they will be capable of producing a mere three trivial films on something so relatively simplistic as translating the extremely volatile and divided zeitgeist of race relations in the height of the civil rights movement into a modern, appropriate, and respectful piece of representative fiction.

I’m sure Disney CEO Bob “Galaxy’s Edge Only Severely Underperformed Because People Were Worried There Would Be Too Many People There and This Has Nothing to Do With the Fact that I Thought My Dick Was Bigger Than It Actually Is and So I Thought I Could Get Away Without Marketing it Whatsoever Until Like 3 Months Before it Opened in Disneyland Because I Realized (but will never, ever admit) that I Fucked Up After they Low Crowds in Disney World and Over-Estimated the Current Value Of the Star Wars Brand After Green-Lighting A Film Wherein All the Original Characters Left Were Bastardized and Shat On So Now Everyone Who Wants to Watch TV Will Have A 35% Chance of Being Assaulted By Our Incessant Ads for this Bullshit Because I Bought a Bunch of Shit with No Creative Vision in Mind and Am So Incompetent and Think So Lowly of My Own Customer Base that I Signed Off on a Plan for This Park that Didn’t Include Most of the ‘Immersive Experience’ as Advertised Because I Truly Believe Most Consumers are So Stupid That They Will not Notice or Care that They’ve Paid ~$400-$500 per Person to Get Access to a Glorified Shopping Mall with Extremely Overpriced Toys that You Can’t Even Use within Park Grounds” Iger will make sure these concepts are addressed via internal, philosophical dilemmas such as “What level of respect do we owe to our oppressors?” and “How much humanity should we offer to those who don’t offer us the same courtesy in return?” that were written and drawn by a couple of Jewish WWII-Veterans who had fought violently on enemy soil for their right to live and be seen as human and were, twenty years later, observing an uprising against a disturbingly similar “Separate but Equal” system that was reminiscent of the insidious and dehumanizing relegation of German Jewish communities into ghettos implemented early during the Nazi regime. I’m just feeling so fucking positive about this Fox acquisition guys, because I’m just so sure somebody whose very goal is to buy up all his competition and suppress even the most constructive of criticism is truly concerned about honestly and properly representing a title with so many counter-cultural and anti-establishmentarian ideals that aren’t already commonly accepted in today’s political climate, right? At least we get the X-Men in the MCU, right gamers?!?!?!?!!!!!!

Regardless of how you feel about Disney, you can’t deny that the company’s board atm is entirely creatively bankrupt and out of touch. For god’s sake, they created a hyper-realistic CGI remake of The Lion King that perfectly represents the state of the Disney Corporation today: bland, boring, forgettable, and completely lacking in any sort of creative vision.

[kamilahmademedoit]

The Talk (Mona x MC)

As part of RoD appreciation week, I’m posting this fic now, although it was almost done at least a month ago. It’s slightly AU, set a few years after the main events, Mona and MC are no longer on the run. I just want to see them have a regular life… sigh. Anyway, no warnings except for language and some implications.

Cutsey chubby baby cheeks, and little baby feet moving aimlessly in all directions, and that little button of a nose… ohmygod, the baby was smiling at her, a bit of saliva running down his chin and just… ugh, Ellie’s heart was melting on that interesting verge between tenderness and aggression. She stuck out her tongue at the baby and he looked at her with curiosity, then giggled the way only babies did and wiggled in his stroller, reaching his little hands for her. 

His father didn’t bother much, just glanced over at Ellie a few times as if to make sure she wasn’t thinking of kidnapping his offspring, what with the way she was staring with this wide maniacal grin. Here they were, the three of them waiting outside a baby store on a warm Saturday evening with the sun still fighting for a spot in the sky. The dad was looking at his phone rather absorbed by whatever it was he was reading, the baby was fascinated with Ellie, and Ellie… she was this close to throwing away all rules of propriety and snuggling up the little bundle without so much as asking for permission first. 

Then she noticed in the corner of her eye Mona stepping out of the store, shopping bag hanging on her arm as she was putting away her purse. Ellie immediately turned away from the baby, startled, God forbid Mona got the wrong idea about this whole thing and decided Ellie might actually…  

“All fixed”, Mona announced, looking up at Ellie, her face that of a person who just had someone else deal with an annoying issue. “We even got a discount to make up for the mix-up.”

“Oh”, Ellie acknowledged simply and leaned in to look at the bag. “Too bad they didn’t have the one with the bees pattern for one-year-olds. But this one is cute too.”

“It’s adorable, are you kidding, look at the little mice, I mean, c’mon…”, Mona’s face lit up for a moment, her grin so sincere, mellowing down all the hard edges. Ellie gazed at her adoringly before leaning in for a quick peck on the cheek. 

“Let’s go, we’re late enough as it is,'' she urged her gently and walked a few strides ahead. 

Mona just now noticed the baby. She gave the little munchkin a smile, noticing how he smiled right back, his puff baby mouth twisting in that amusing way. Mona made a funny face at him, then turned away, catching up to Ellie. 

They hadn’t seen Riya and Kevin in quite a while. They missed Trina’s first birthday because their flight got delayed, leaving them stuck at the airport on the way back from New York, and then also ended up missing Kevin’s 30th birthday a few weeks later when Ellie’s father got hospitalised. Things turned out fine but Ellie was scared senseless for a few long hours before they got to him and the doctors reassured them it was a minor injury on the job. 

And now that Riya and Kevin had invited them over for dinner just to catch up, they were making up for the birthday parties missed by getting Trina and Kevin some overdue gifts, as well as a little toy giraffe for Sam, who was going to throw a tantrum if his little sister got something and he didn’t.

Riya and Kevin’s apartment building was just around the next corner and for once they made it barely 15 minutes late. As they entered the 10th floor apartment, however, a huge baby bump greeted them, followed by Riya’s wide grin and the satisfaction on her face as she saw how surprised they both were. 

“Oh my God, Riya…!” 

“I’m not that far along, it literally happened overnight, I swear.”

They exchanged a few more words over taking off jackets and making their way into the apartment, a curious toddler swiveling around their legs all the while making incomprehensible little noises.  

Kevin greeted them in the dining room, opening a bottle of red wine. He made his way to each of them for a quick kiss on the cheek. “So it’s no surprise any longer,'' he said between greetings. 

“Oh, I had a hard enough time keeping it secret”, Riya protested, giving him a cheeky smile.

They all sat around the table, little Sam climbing up ‘auntie Mona’s leg to sit in her lab, the stuffed giraffe already in his clumsy grip. As she was playing with him - a striking contrast between his baby talk and her slang - Ellie was talking to Riya, sparsely casting glances their way, noting how good Mona was at this. She wasn’t surprised, frankly, she had seen Mona interact with Kevin and Riya’s kids before. But something today made her feel that extra pull in her heart at the sight of Mona holding little Sam and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

“So, obvi, we’ll have to skip that but I’d say it’s worth it”, Riya explained about their vacation plans. 

“Oh, no, totally”, Ellie agreed, shaking her head. “We get it, we don’t want your waters breaking on the beach”, she laughed light-heartedly, reaching for her wine glass. “Besides, we’ll have the whole house to ourselves, right, babe?”

“Hm?”, Mona turned her head in her direction, Sam having captured her attention completely. 

“I said we’ll have the beach house all to ourselves”, Ellie repeated, nodding her head toward Riya. 

“Ah, yeah, sure, don’t worry ‘bout it”, Mona brushed it off before being suddenly smacked with the stuffed toy across the face, Sam openly demanding for her attention. “Hey, man, what the heck, thought we were buddies!”, Mona protested, much to his delight.             

… 

Late night conversations in Mona’s car was their thing. Sometimes they would go for a drive with no particular destination, leaving LA behind, Mona joking about never returning… but always making their way back to their apartment. They would talk for hours, having spent the day apart, and in those nameless moments Ellie could feel herself on the other side of Mona’s walls, safe in the little fortress instead of banging on the door as she had done so many times before. 

On their way back from Riya’s they were both silent for most of the way. Ellie was pleasantly sedated by the one too many glasses of wine she’d had at dinner, her forehead rested on the window, the city lights blurring in her vision. Mona seemed to be somewhere else too, not in that detached, self-guarded way Ellie was well familiar with, but still, she was certainly in her head, only driving by instinct.

“So, should we…”, Mona broke the silence somewhat tentatively, Ellie’s head languidly turning in her direction. 

“Should we…?”

“Yeah, I mean”, Mona’s gaze was on the road as she switched lanes, her focus divided. “Have one of those.”

It took Ellie forever to figure out what her wife meant by that. She knew her well enough to have an educated guess but she was confused by the wording and besides, surely Mona didn’t mean to suggest… or did she? Mona cast a quick glance her way when Ellie delayed her response, brows furrowed in concern.   

“You want to have kids?”, Ellie asked for clarification, her eyes searching Mona’s face for a clue. She seemed dead-serious about it, whatever it was. 

“Don’t you?”, Mona turned the question on her. 

“Well, do you?”, Ellie arched an eyebrow, surprise coloring her face. Never had she imagined that Mona of all people would want to have the white picket fence life. Though, they were nowhere near that, their whole marriage so far as unconventional as they came, starting with the elopement in Vegas on the run…  

“I actually want to.”, Mona raised her voice as if arguing against a previous version of herself, a bit surprised at her own answer. 

“I do too…”, Ellie admitted softly, taking her gaze off Mona’s face to stare absently at the cars ahead. 

“Since when?”, Mona gave her a quick glance, already anticipating the answer. 

“Since always.”

“Can’t say the same for myself…”, a hoarse puff escaped her throat as she smirked. 

“Since when do you want to have kids?”, Ellie inquired looking at her wife as if seeing her for the first time. 

“Well, the idea kinda grew on me around Riya’s second.”

“And you’ve been thinking about it since?”, Ellie continued her little investigation, skepticism muffling her joy, making her cautious. 

“Been considering it, yes…”, Mona glanced at her again, eyes widening at the look on Ellie’s face. “Don’t be so shocked, gorgeous, I have my moments.”

“You have more than moments”, Ellie quipped softly, her eyes sparkling with mischief, teasing Mona for her unexpected domesticity, her capacity for warmth and quiet marital contentment Ellie never thought she’d get to experience with her.    

…

The muted sound of chatter and laughter filled the lazy morning silence as the sun drenched every surface of their bedroom in soft peach hues, its rays illuminating the millions of tiny dust specks in the air. Mona always watched those talk shows with no headphones and Ellie would chuckle beside her as a particular line briefly caught her attention, never taking her eyes off the screen of her own phone, sometimes making Mona mentally guess whether it was the host or a meme on Pictagram extracting that laughter.

But Ellie was unusually quiet today, not really paying attention to whatever it was she was looking at on her phone, neither really hearing the host’s witty remarks about the president’s latest diplomatic visit. She slightly leaned forward to reach for her cup of coffee on the tray between them on the bed, then had a small sip and hummed at the bitter taste she loved. 

“It’s strong”, she remarked, pleased, not particularly addressing her wife but with the unspoken recognition that it was Mona who made coffee and breakfast this time. 

“I was thinking about what you said last night,'' Ellie added after a few moments passed as the audience erupted into laughter. 

“Hm?”, Mona didn’t even chuckle but neither did she take her eyes off the screen. “Oh, that? Don’t worry, babe, I don’t think he’ll really run for president again, I just meant if he did…”

“No, it’s not that… about having kids.”

The noise suddenly stopped as Mona hit pause. She looked at Ellie who was still holding the cup underneath her chin. 

“Yeah?”

“Well… how do we go about it?”, Ellie asked meeting her gaze, her deep brown eyes holding another question.  

“How do you wanna go about it?” Mona was unexpectedly solemn, the gravity of her resolve making Ellie now feel how real it all was.

“I was thinking… maybe I could get pregnant? Or you could! Or maybe… I could do it now and you do it the second time around?”      

“The second time around?”, Mona arched her eyebrows, a mix of surprise and amusement lighting up her face. “What if we have the little fucker and decide we’re done with parenthood?”

“Babe, once we have ‘the little fucker’ we can never be done with parenthood. Ever.”, Ellie explained gently, tilting her head.  

“I mean, I know, just… Let’s take it one baby at a time, okay?”, Mona chuckled, tracing Elie’s cheekbone with the back of her index finger. Elie closed her eyes, relaxing into her touch for a brief second. “Never wanted to be pregnant”, Mona continued, her eyes still glued to her wife’s face, her adoration now out in the open. “But I think I’d love to see you…”, she swallowed and lowered her hand, emotion suddenly too overwhelming. 

Elie’s gaze softened as she leaned to plant a tender kiss on the corner of her mouth. Mona pulled back. She looked at her wife with that familiar mischief in her eyes, then she took the breakfast tray that was still between them and carefully placed it on the floor on her side of the bed. With that obstacle out of the way, Mona grabbed Elie’s waist in her arms and pulled her under the duvet, covering her neck with butterfly kisses. 

“What, are we starting now?”, Ellie managed, laughter interrupting her sentence, as Mona’s kisses tickled and teased. 

“Ha, yeah, I wish it worked like that.”

“Mmm… if it did, last night should’ve done the trick.”, Elie giggle, her voice breaking into a gasp as Mona gently bit below her jaw.

[oversensitiveandoffputting]

Okay, so,

I’m really worried that by publishing this I’m doing something irresponsible because there’s a lot of people in general who need serious mental health help and I don’t want people to become cynical or anything buuuuuuuuuut I’m just so frustrated because it’s like, near impossible to find a therapist that’s respectful of me. Almost all therapists are white, straight/cis, have some kind of conventional religious belief, and if they got something diagnosable, they sure as shit won’t let you know.

So my therapy journey began when my parents divorced and it was court-mandated. I went to, like, six different therapists with my sister and didn’t say a fucking word because I was intimidated into not getting treatment by my parents. It was messed up. Ironically, my mother’s a psychologist and I was raised in an environment that praised mental health treatment. don’t know. You don’t want to know my childhood. We’d be here for weeks.

And most therapists WANT to do well. They didn’t spend all that time and money for no reason. And they met me and made me feel welcome and we talked and I knew they were trying their best, they really were, but there was always that THING that kept me from getting what I needed. WANTing to do well and DOING well are two different things.

I’m AFAB. Despite most therapists being women, they don’t seem to know women very well. (Or, those of us who let them think of us as women until we finally correct them.)

And I guess I’m always the second queer person they meet? I say second because they need that first person to compare me to and decide I measure up short. I’ve had therapists tell me to stay in the closet because my life would be better. I have a same-sex fiancé. I’m not fucking shitting you. In 2019 I was told to stay in the closet. I should have known after she told me about all the gay friends she had she was a raging homophobe.

So after I’m done rolling my eyes and being way too patient about paying someone to ask very rude questions about my sexual awakening and how I found myself being genderqueer and how much of an ally they are before they reveal to me they haven’t done any research into queer theory into anything past 1980, then we get to the neurodiversity issues.

I can forgive people being insensitive about me being queer. It’s annoying but I’ve dealt with it enough that I can leave, laugh about it with people, and let it go as ignorance does not equal malice. But then I never meet the criteria to get the help I SPECIFICALLY ASK FOR because I’m not a difficult enough patient. I’m nice, I tell them everything they want to know without hesitating, minimal tears, and so I can’t be autistic. I can’t be ADHD. I can’t have BPD. I can’t have PTSD. We don’t focus on labels here. We just focus on trauma. And it’s even worse when they find out I’m a psych student, since then they tell me I’m a hypochondriac and to knock it off.

And I’m practically SCREAMING “I’ve done this. I’ve done this over and over. I don’t need an eighth retread over how my mother’s abuse left me with major abandonment issues. I know this. Just please help me not burn every bridge I have (BPD). Or how I can feel safer in the workplace while being ADHD/autistic since discrimination is very real. Or how I can stop focusing so much on my trauma and using it to define me as a person (PTSD). But I never get that. We never get there. They just keep talking over me because I’m traumatized and I’m like “Thank you. Can we move on now?” “No. Tell me more about how your dad was blaming you for acting out while your mother was driving you up the wall with behavior so fucked up people have cried after you told them?”

The fact I’m not a difficult enough patient to demand to be treated better is probably a trauma response to years of feeling unsafe and unheard, which you’d think they’d figure out. Being a therapist.

And I’m so frustrated because when someone is saddled with all kinds of trauma and problems and exhaustion from these issues should not have to go through all this effort to find out who is in their network for their individual problems, go to several appointments they either are paying for out-of-pocket or are being charged to their insurance and, if they have really good insurance, will be free, only to find out women can’t have autism because they don’t meet the checklist in the DSM for white male children (I’m being facetious, of course women can be autistic), they’re not queer enough, and holy shit I’m white so I can’t even imagine what POC must go through with some of these idiots.

And now I’m worried because I’m trying. I have EIGHT diagnoses and I’m trying and trying and trying and I can afford to leave therapists that make me uncomfortable and find a new one and I’m a psych student and raised in an environment where I understand the jargon so it’s a lot harder to pull the wool over my eyes and I’m fueled by literal spite towards everything and everyone, especially myself, so I will drag my exhausted, emotional ass to whatever therapist I found this week that I think won’t emotionally slap me in the face to keep trying to not let this get the better of me and FUCK I’m still not satisfied.

So...why are we telling everyone who has mental health issues to go seek therapy when it might just make the problem worse because god forbid they say “I’m gay” and the therapist says, “That’s nice, but maybe you shouldn’t tell people that because it’s such personal information” and they don’t immediately see right through it, fire her, and find someone else?

I don’t have a solution. If you have a therapist that works for you, I’m so, so happy. If you’re still looking, Same. And don’t feel bad, I guess. I’d even go as far as to try unconventional methods. Getting on medication and getting a dog have done WONDERS for my mental health. Go into a session GRILLING them about their competency with your issues and if you’re not comfortable, never go back. But JESUS therapists have to get continuing education to keep their license for a reason. Can a couple of those classes be “How to not spit in the face of your queer clients?” And “neurodiversity- not a plague and not just for boys.’ Please??? As well as I’m sure a shit ton of other cultural competency classes I’m positive are needed? Please? This is ridiculous. This is fucking ridiculous. This could be a Family Guy episode if so many lives weren’t at stake.

[astroismypassion]

Could you do a culture about the sexuality of Pisces moon men

Where to even start…

I’ve been “lucky” to get so many learning opportunities through them. My father is one and my two other male friends. I’ve encountered a few that gladly didn’t stay in my life for too long.

So by now, you understand that I have yet to have more positive experiences with them.

It was supposedly to be said that these men have A LOT of secretly hating female figures in their life, starting with their mother. Which I must say, I ALMOST fully agree with this. 😬😳They really do seem like female figures often backstab them in life throughout their lifetime.

✨PISCES MOON MEN✨

Mention of s*x, ma**ur**tion

they are SAPIOSEXUAL despite telling you otherwise, they fall in love with all the smallest unconventional details of the person (how they pronounce certain words, their perception of life, unique character traits, compassion, being able to emphatize with them and STILL understand other peoples perspectives etc.)

they have tremendous respect for women, however it’s a double-edged sword. They will only have that level of respect for them if you are keep fulfilling their vision, desire. Once you lose that or disappoint, they become a women hater or god forbid even women abuser. Then all women are the absolute worst and ALL horrible.

further on that note, they will appear like they have two extreme opinions of women, when they are in a good space with their female partner, they will talk sweetly about their own mother and other women too. However, when you are not on good terms with them, they will blame everything on women, starting their seeming “bad” relationship with their mother.

they need a lot of space for their sexuality to flourish, so they will purposely travel a lot or keep their distance from you, so that they miss you more and that longing after their partner is created again. Because they basically feed of that.

another thing with them that ties into their sexuality, they thrive off DESIRE. And here comes in delusionment. They would often think that women around them are trying to flirt with them. So they would often say someone was flirting with them to make themselves look more desirable to other women. Once a woman was nice to them and they take it as flirty behaviour. They often equal being nice = flirting, because they were not used of nice treatment in childhood, but mostly neglect and ignoring. So when ignoring DOESN’T occur they too quickly mistake that niceness for flirting. They are a bit naive and gullible in this way.

Bringing on another point, despite being master manipulator, they can also be really, really naive due to not being chosen that often in younger years. A lot of them grew up in some strange religious dogma and didn’t talk to that many actual, real women (the closest they were usually a sister, an aunt who visited). They often “interacted” with women through “a lense”, a barrier, a buffer. Like they only saw Holy Mary statues, iconography, women in magazines, like Playboy often when younger so they got very distorted perceptions of women.

to me their sexuality is much like Sagittarius with a Libra mix. They like open-minded, opinionated women, who act a bit helpless at times or are a co-dependent partner. These men cling onto their partner as well, without NOT seeming that way to outside people.

either might strongly like or strongly dislike women feet. If not into feet, could be a hands, fingers person.

very experimental in bed, like to try something new that allows them to “travel” in their mind

more into idea of having a woman than while being in a partnership with her

fan of phone sex, might call like a hotline or something and mutual masturbation

Feel free to share more of your experiences below.

@astroismypassion

[aupairadventures]

A Broke Girl’s Guide to Budgeting on an Au Pair's Salary

Let’s be honest: Money can be quite stressful for any young traveler or au pair. I don’t know a single au pair who hasn’t said “I’m so broke right now” sometime within the last month. For us au pairs, trying to save money, pay for necessary expenses, and travel all at the same on a salary of 80 euros a week is no easy task. While I’m certainly no financial expert, I feel that I have learned a lot about budgeting during the past six months. I wanted to share with you the different tips and tricks that I’ve learned, and I hope that it’s useful to some of my fellow au pairs and young travelers. Without further ado, here are 5 tips for keeping a budget and saving money while working as an au pair.

(Keep in mind that this article is based on my own personal experience and that each au pair’s experience can be different!)

Start saving money and planning out your finances before you go abroad:

Before you hop on that plane and fly to the other side of the globe, I highly recommend planning out everything money-related ahead of time. When searching for your host family, remember to ask lots of questions about your salary and payment: How much will you be paid? Will you be paid weekly or monthly? What expenses will your host family cover, and what will your responsibilities be? It’s a good idea to make sure that all of this information is detailed in your contract and that you discuss this with your host parents.

Before you set off for your au pairing adventure, get clear about all of the expenses that you will have and how you plan to cover them. Au pairs will usually have to cover the cost of their plane tickets, some visa costs, activities during their free time, and travel during vacations. Au pairs will also sometimes be responsible for covering the cost of their language classes and tickets for public transportation, but it depends on your individual agreements with your host family.

From what I’ve seen, most au pairs are paid a salary of about 80 euros a week/320 euros a month. And of course, since au pairs live with their host family, they will cover the cost of lodging and feeding you. Your host family should also cover any costs of the activities that you do with the children.

Before you start working as an au pair, ask yourself these questions: What costs am I going to be responsible for and what will my host family cover? How am I going to cover these costs? How much money do I want to save for going out and doing fun things during my free time? How much money do I want to set aside for traveling throughout the year? Will I use my weekly salary to cover these costs, or will I use money that I’ve previously saved? In my personal experience, I recommend using money that you’ve previously saved to pay for your plane tickets and language classes, and then using the money from your weekly au pair salary to pay for smaller expenses such as activities, public transportation costs, and travel. The money that I made working during my senior year of high school and last summer was enough to cover the cost of my plane tickets and language classes, so I highly recommend working and saving money before you start au pairing.

2) Have a side-hustle in addition to au pairing, (if possible):

While it might not be possible for all au pairs, working on the side is a great way to make some extra money. If your visa (or lack or visa, you lucky EU citizens) allows for it, you can apply for a part-time job that would allow you to work during your free time or during the day when your host kids are in school. Plus, this is also a great way for you to get some hands-on experience and practice the language that you’re learning. However, this is not possible for a lot of au pairs, myself included. If you have an au pair visa, you’re actually not allowed to have another job in addition to working as an au pair; the conditions of your visa forbids it! However, if you have a “working-holidays” visa or no visa at all, you’re all set to pick up another job!

Even if you aren’t allowed to have another job, you can find “under the table” work. For example, I currently am an English tutor and give lessons to several kids in the neighborhood. If you’re interested in doing this and live in France, I recommend a website called “Mes Voisins” (“My Neighbors”). This website allows neighbors to connect with each other and offer their services to other town residents. You can make a profile and post an announcement introducing yourself and offering to babysit or give lessons of your native language. This is a great way to make some extra cash, so I highly recommend giving it a try!

3) Travel smart and save money:

Nowadays, there are countless ways to save money while traveling. Exploring the world doesn’t have to be as expensive as you might think! Here are all of the resources I use to save money while traveling:

Skyscanner: Okay, I know that you’ve all obviously heard of Skyscanner, but I just need to reinforce how incredible it is. When looking for plane tickets, this site should be the first place you go. You can find some ridiculously cheap tickets here. The only problem is that I’m a bit too obsessed with hunting for cheap flights and have accidentally spent hours on Skyscanner. However, all those hours have been worth it, because thanks to this website, I’ve been able to travel to some incredible places this year.

Volotea: If you’re traveling in Europe, this is another great website to use to find incredibly cheap plane tickets. When Volotea has sales, tickets can get as cheap as 10 euros! Wow!

FlixBus and OuiBus: Use these two websites if you’re looking for an extremely inexpensive way to travel, and don’t mind a looooong bus ride. While I haven’t personally used either of these, I’ve heard great things from my au pair friends.

OuiGo: Honestly, thank God for OuiGo. This company offers train rides at super low prices. Using OuiGo, I’ve been able to find one-way train tickets from Nantes to Paris for only 10 euros!

HostelWorld: For travelers on a budget, staying in a hostel in the way to go! Ellie and I used HostelWorld to find lodging when we traveled to Spain, and thanks to this website, we were able to find a great hostel. Our hostel was beautiful, the staff and our fellow travelers were so friendly, and it cost a fraction of what a hotel or an Airbnb would.

CouchSurfing: For travelers on an even tighter budget, look no further than CouchSurfing.  Why? It’s completely free! How exactly does it work? Hosts with an extra room or couch can open their homes up to travelers, and it’s a great way to meet new people and experience a new place or culture with the help of a local. Okay, it might seem a little unconventional, but I’ve had a great experience using it. That’s how Ellie and I met Marc and Balint, our awesome French-Hungarian hosts in Seville, Spain.

While traveling, I also recommend trying to eat out less, as restaurants can get super expensive. I know I’ve said it a million times, but Monoprix picnics are honestly the best! If you’re staying for several days in one place, going grocery shopping and cooking your own meals will help you to save money. If you're staying in a hostel, make sure to check and see if they offer free breakfast. If so, definitely take advantage of that!

During your traveling adventures, try to plan out some low cost or free activities. One of my favorite things to do while traveling is to explore museums, which is a very cost-effective activity. Many museums in France offer reduced prices for students or people under 26. For example, the Louvre (aka one of the most incredible places in the world) is completely free for EU residents under 26. All you need to do is show your student/au pair visa, and you’re good to go!

4) Know when the best time is to go on a shopping spree:

I wanted to let you all in on a secret that I had no idea about before coming to France. In France, most stores have really great After-Christmas sales during January and February. But I mean like, really great sales. I’ve bought shirts from Bershka for 1 euro that were originally priced at 20. This is the best time to buy clothing or do a Hema run, so if there’s something that you really want to buy, wait until January!

5) Take a deep breath!

I don’t know about you, but spending money always makes me feel super stressed out. I hate looking at the bank app on my phone and seeing my account balance dwindle. I always feel much more at ease when I’m not spending any money at all and the number in my bank account isn’t budging one bit. But here’s the thing: being an au pair is honestly not about saving money. Your time au pairing should be about traveling, having fun, and making memories; not about stressing out about money and trying to be 100% financially responsible 24/7. Honestly, if your goal is walking away from your au pairing experience with a ton of money saved, 80 euros a week is not going to get you very far! So here’s my advice: Try your best to save money while traveling, plan out your finances, be a smart shopper, (as in don’t make the same mistake I did and accidentally spend 60 euros in SuperU on macaron baking ingredients), but also don’t stress out too much! Use this incredible opportunity to explore as much as you can and have the experiences that you’ve always dreamed of, and don’t let your financial stress get in the way.

[nerdygirl2888]

Writing and Reviews: How to grow and learn from negativity.

It’s been over a year since I began writing again, a whirlwind year of learning how to express my thoughts into words and turning words into stories that landed into the world of fan fiction.  Some of these turned into multiple chapter stories. Other one-shots that venture into horror and other darker strange things to enter into my brain.  

In return, I found my niche in writing out of the box, strange and unconventional settings for my character.  I took my own history and background of broken homes, abuse: emotional, physical, sexual that brought the underlying emotion to these thoughts that I turned into words.  I can relate how these characters feel, I can process their thoughts because I had my recovery from those events of my life.  

I put my deep dark secrets into these stories I write. I found freedom from my demons which were comparably easy compared to the next thing.

I learned how to take criticism,  it wasn’t easy but I have learned.  Now knowing the difference between constructive and trolls is number one.

Trolls are just annoying useless, and usually guests reviews you can’t reply back to.

Example: Omg I hate this and that and you need to give up writing because omg your grammar blows.  

Constructive are positive in their approach generally. Still may be a Debbie downer after all the work you put into the chapter.

Example: I enjoy your story, you have interesting thoughts and idea but your grammar and structure can use some work. If you ever need help you can look for beta’s, or I can help you if you want the help. I believe the story is good and would love to make it better…

Or maybe they question your plot point or where you came up with your plot or timeline out of curiosity.

Reply, say thank you first off. Laugh it off and say yeah I’ve always struggled. Ask them what you are doing wrong! How you can improve.

Explain your reasoning if you want for writing it as you have.

I learned to take negative reviews with a grain of salt, and it may sting but think about what they are saying with an open mind.

They are saying it for a reason.  

I like to think I’ve come a long way in the past year of writing. I know I have had countless discussions about descriptive elements, grammar, character development with many fellow authors before you even knew me on here.  Without the questions and Constructive Criticism, even the trolls of telling me my sentence structure and grammar blew chunks.

I wouldn’t have learned for the better (in my own stubborn way.)

The more you work on your own writing, the more you challenge yourself the better you will become.  

The better you become the less unsavoury reviews about grammar, structure, formatting will be.

I just learned how to use a semicolon( I think anyway).  Other authors have made me think about how to show a reader, vs telling a reader when they mentioned having trouble with a chapter.  So now I think about that while I’m writing. I have never taken creative writing and high school was over ten years by now. I’m 29 and still learning every new chapter I write.  I’m nowhere near perfect, but I can see myself growing as a writer and that’s what counts.

Writer and criticism come hand in hand. To write and not expect someone not like it is the same as a boxer expecting not to be hit while in the ring.  

You will get hit, you will get knock down. But you will not learn if you don’t give up. Accept that you have faults and pick yourself back up. 

You will get through it.  

If you’re policed by a troll, trying to save you from eternal damnation from writing fan fiction or get put in the ‘Eliminators ’s forum’ because god-forbid I write song fic’s.

Laugh it off. Of if you are me, write back and tell them to fuck off with the Saving. (I can post the response if you wish.)

Begging and requesting only positive reviews will only put people off, and you yourself will never grow and learn from what people may say.  It’s pointless and rather annoying at least in my book. If you as a writer are going to tell me what I can and cannot say then I will just not say a thing.

Now another thing as a writer and a reader….I understand that reviewing is hard at times. Depending on the time of year, I work two jobs, plus I write my own stories I have a life. I will always try and review when I can, especially if I notice you are reviewing my own stories and I happen to enjoy your (reviewers) stories.  I will try my best to take two-three minutes and write a review to let you know you are doing an amazingly awesome job.  Whether I’m on the bus, or on the sly at work because I know it will make someone’s day. 

I know I still do a happy dance when my favourite idols/authors review my stories.

I don’t leave much constructive feedback myself because who am I to judge another story when my own skills are still developing. But If I do ask or point something out I try to have my valid reasons and I try to be polite as possible.

These are my thoughts and musings on writing and reviews…

[vegas-glitz]

Public College Prayer: How God Lured Me to a Modest TexasTown

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To get started with, my youngsters presently lived in this article with their mother and stepfather. The varsity soccer crew, the Stephenville Yellow Jackets, was the winningest Texas football staff in the 90's and my sons, together with their stepfather, urged me to come and see these children enjoy. "They are phenomenal!" I was certain. I went to enjoy them play as they received the Texas Condition Championships in 98 and 99. They Were phenomenal! My youngest son played soccer at Stephenville Higher. His underclass groups received district and he played Varsity ball on a team that went to the Bi-District finals his Senior calendar year. This was more than enough to get me to criss-cross the large open up spaces of Texas from Arlington, chasing right after my son's soccer online games for four a long time, together with very a number of contests suitable in his dwelling city of Stephenville.

Activity by sport, the town was increasing on me.

Some unconventional factors had been taking place there that caught my interest from my condominium in Arlington. For starters, on a Christian radio clearly show I utilized to pay attention to, the host, Dawson McAllister, stated he would quickly be speaking at a rally in...in which else? Stephenville! Hmm. Intriguing. Turns out, my little ones attended that rally. I located out later, most EVERYBODY's young children attended.

A further going on that the Holy Spirit applied to lure my attention to Stephenville was the war versus prayer in the schools, significantly at sporting situations and graduations. The stories ended up on almost every nightly newscast. I seen through my temporary visits to town that there have been lots of kids sporting a vivid yellow t-shirt with the text "I Pray ahead of I Participate in" emblazoned boldly on the entrance. Subsequent are some items of articles I uncovered on the World wide web, the likes of which I appeared to be hearing routinely back again in the late 90's. They converse for on their own, portray an precise photograph of the local climate of those times:

"...the athletic subject is swiftly turning into a lifestyle war battle zone, as it did Friday night time at a match in Stephenville, Texas, over the problem of faculty prayer. Training boards and college principals throughout Texas are having difficulties with federal pointers on religious things to do, including the ban on formal school prayer. Before this year, the 5th U.S. Circuit Courtroom of Appeals dominated that some spiritual references have been permissible at university situations like graduation ceremonies, but ended up inappropriate -- not sufficiently sacred -- for the duration of other actions like athletic contests. Jurists ruled that the hootin' and hollerin' of a down-dwelling football standoff lacked the "singularly really serious mother nature" of other capabilities, these as a graduation celebration.

"That didn't cease a small group of 15 students on Friday evening, while, from smuggling a moveable community tackle system into a high college recreation in Stephenville, Texas, to lead supporters in general public prayer...

"One of the "prayer warrior" students at Friday night's video game explained to the Stephenville Empire-Tribune paper, "This was not about football, it was about God. We made the decision to pray for God (sic)." According to an Involved Press report, regional higher college superintendent Larry Butler stated that the impromptu prayer rally did not have support of authorities from the district. "With that currently being claimed," extra Butler, "I applaud them for carrying out something that they feel definitely strongly about. I assume the overall neighborhood of Stephenville thinks in college prayer."

"So far, there are no other experiences of spontaneous prayer outbreaks at weekend football games. Information accounts advise that most university district all over Texas are abiding by the Circuit Courtroom tips..."

FROM A different Report...

"A amount of "spontaneous" protest at soccer online games have taken put in Stephenville. Very last week, the Board of Trustees of the Stephenville Unbiased University District grappled with a coverage which would permit a pupil selected by well-known vote to deliver a pre-game "concept," supplied particular principles have been noticed. The nearby Empire-Tribune newspaper observed: "The rules are that the purpose of the information is to encourage good sportsmanship and pupil safety and to endorse the proper surroundings for the level of competition... The information could also be utilised to welcome or greet lovers and the opposing staff and/or to commend them for their achievements.

"When one board member mused that the new policy "would legally make an open up forum for a interval of time selected for the message and designate a location for the university student message," a further member noticed by way of the obfuscation. Referring to the 5th U.S. Circuit Courtroom determination disallowing pre-video game prayer, he advised fellow board customers: "This is the legislation currently whether or not we like it or not. Till this is cleared up, I personally think we go against the regulation if we let college student prayer, or any prayer, just before the sport..." "

Here's 1 Extra FROM '99...

Students Defy Federal Decide on Prayer at Large Faculty Game

Stephenville, TX - The August 27th soccer season opener for the Stephenville Large School Yellow Jackets was not only memorable for the lop-sided victory they had, but also for the braveness shown by the university student human body and the enthusiasts in the group. A district federal judge experienced issued a conclusion forbidding prayer at public school gatherings, even if initiated by college students. The college students of Stephenville Higher believe this is a violation of their constitutional proper to flexibility of religion. The pupil overall body not only usually takes pleasure in getting the defending 4A condition champions, but in training their constitutional rights.

Prior to the opening kickoff, one particular of the college students of Stephenville Significant grabbed a microphone and led a "spontaneous" prayer. Numerous students joined the younger gentleman on the sidelines, but what was even extra strong was the fact that not some, but all of the folks in the stands stood up, taken out their hats and joined in the prayer. Regional information stations were there to go over the video game and questioned the police and large faculty administrator as to what they planned to do about the "illegal" praying. There was no response from the police, but the substantial college administrator basically reported that no steps have been to be taken towards the learners. School officials also pointed out that because the college had not officially sanctioned the motion, it could not be held legally liable for what took place.

The federal judge, on listening to about the general public prayer, reported that the prayer was in violation of the constitutional separation of church and point out. Some supporters of the pupils pointed out that the Structure does not demand separation of church and state, but assures that there will be no laws created creating any formal faith or prohibiting the no cost work out of faith. Learners interviewed reported that they planned to pray publicly at their following recreation. A person factor that most area reports on the function unsuccessful to mention was that it was not just the Stephenville college students and supporters, but their soccer adversaries as properly that stood up to be counted. The Weatherford Superior College Kangaroos, and all their fans, honored the brave men and women that dared to problem the edict of a federal choose by standing with them for the duration of the prayer. With reporters scouring the group for an opposing watch, not 1 man or woman was located whom the prayer offended. Even now the choose finds this act illegal and irresponsible!

What happens heading forward from in this article is dependent on how identified the decide is to pressure his will on the folks, and how identified the citizens of Stephenville are to defend their constitutional rights. For a single night time at least, this was seen as a victory for Texans in the physical exercise of their rights. As for Weatherford High, it was the 1 bright location in a evening that resulted in a 34-7 reduction to the Yellow Jackets.

AND Another...

More Educational institutions Ignore Football PRAYER BAN

North of Dallas, Celina significant college football admirers prayed right before a soccer recreation with a Christian university. The apparently coordinated prayer by admirers, soccer gamers, cheerleaders, and band customers violates the U.S. 5th Circuit Court of Appeals ban on faculty football prayers due to the fact soccer is not adequately solemn enough for God.

Rev. John Mark Arrington, pastor at Lighthouse Total Gospel Church in Garland dispersed 250 T-shirts with the slogan, "Celina Bobcats Pray In advance of They Play." Arrington want students to obey "God's legislation," which justifies the escalating revolt of evangelicals in opposition to the U.S. Structure.

In Stephenville, students introduced their very own sound program to soccer game titles and sent a religious concept applying the products. There was no report that college officers took any motion to stop it.

In Midland, scholar-led prayers at football online games nonetheless transpire. College officials explained the prayers would go on till anyone filed a lawsuit to make them halt.

FINALY, THIS FROM U.S. Information & Globe REPORT...

To pray--or not to pray" by Robert Bryce. U.S. Information & Earth Report, Sep 13, 1999 (Vol 127, No 10). Website page 26.

Joel Allen and Alan Ward, two Stephenville, Texas, large university learners,...refused to be denied the custom that surrounded their school's soccer video games. So to circumvent a federal court get barring use of a school's general public tackle procedure for prayer before superior college soccer video games, the two college students borrowed a little speaker process and led the group in prayer, considerably to the fans' delight.

The court ruling that influences Stephenville, Texas, handed down in February 1999, by the Fifth U.S. Circuit Court docket of Appeals has revived a countrywide furor above the spot of prayer in general public faculty gatherings. The court's determination said that college student-led prayer in the course of graduation ceremonies is authorized, but prayer in the course of activities these types of as football games is not due to the fact they do not characterize a "solemn" sufficient celebration.

This hottest ruling is one particular of several conflicting federal conclusions on university prayer in the latest many years. In July 1999, the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that an Alabama college district could not ban scholar-initiated prayer at faculty pursuits, even when attendance of the celebration is required.

The Fifth Circuit Court's selection will most most likely be appealed to the U.S. Supreme Courtroom. In the meantime, some university districts in Louisiana and Texas say they will keep a minute of silence in lieu of prayer. Other individuals vow to disregard the ruling completely.

YOU GET THE Photograph.

I was fascinated, ready with baited breath for the following act of civil disobedience to come from the young children from this li'l ol' city in Texas I'd hardly ever listened to of right until my young children moved there.

Eventually, I turned quite ill and was confronted with a tough final decision. I experienced to leave Arlington, a location I would lived for 14 many years and a Church of which I was a Constitution Member and Assistant Pastor as effectively as a superior-shelling out position the place I held a prestigious situation. But I couldn't bend in excess of to load my dishwasher, wander a flight of stairs or carry groceries to and from my motor vehicle. I needed my children's assistance.

Stephenville, in this article I occur!

Crippled and in discomfort, obtaining a occupation was nearly unattainable. I came quite shut to submitting Medicaid papers and starting to be a ward of the condition. I couldn't convey myself to do it. Where God guides, He provides and He often despatched ravens to acquire care of my wants. My aged college roommate lived in Dublin just 12 minutes away. He directed a publishing corporation to speak to me as they desired an illustrator for a collection of kid's books. That occupation by yourself, a career I could do from my kitchen table or even from propped -up pillows, was adequate to aid me make ends fulfill. Amongst chapters, recipients of my weekly e mail Bible broadcasts would sometimes occur by way of with a love supplying.

I was living from wonder to wonder until eventually I acquired a phone from my previous school pal informing me that the community Chamber of Commerce was in need to have of a receptionist. I did not even know what a Chamber of Commerce truly did but I was emotion miraculously far better, nicely adequate to have utilized for perform at a nearby dairy reading through the ear tags on cows just the day prior to. Humorous, I can not recall a job job interview exactly where a future employer requested if I would head from time to time having "splattered with manure." (I replied that it sounded like my previous job. He did not chortle.) Any way, I went appropriate to The Chamber and I'll be there 5 years this July 7th. It's a fantastic task and the Lord has allowed me a lot of alternatives to tap into the non secular roots of the group from my situation.

UNITY IN THE Local community

At the Chamber, I've been privileged to get the job done for and with superb Christian individuals. Several several years back, one woman I worked with experienced the idea of putting on an party that would give teens some thing to do following college ended in could. as we brainstormed, the celebration developed into "The Intense Issue." In no time, other church users and ministers jumped on board. In the end, we had 29 churches concerned, 9 bands, bouncy toys, structured online games, 1,000 attendees and quite a few ministers. The function was shut by a fantastic Church of Christ choir and their pastor. It was wonderful!

In 2002 and 2003, I structured a July 4th parade entry which I referred to as "The Declaration of Dependence." I designed a T-shirt and matching banner and about 50 Christians suited up and took portion. The next calendar year, over 150 Christians took aspect from 11 distinctive church buildings - such as Hispanic Church buildings. We had the largest entry in the parade that 12 months.

A person day, a man from the Assembly of God Church took me to lunch. He experienced an concept for a door to door prayer ministry he termed "Operation Jesus." I designed a brand for a T-shirt and, in the earlier two years, hundreds of contributors have prayed for pretty much just about every dwelling place in town. We are about to start over and the numbers of taking part churches is raising each and every time we go out.

A younger Youth Minister from the Disciples of Christ experienced the eyesight to organize an party he identified as "The Unity Conference." In the conclusion, hundreds of believers attended from different denominations to pay attention to seven different ministers converse on a variety of topics and worship alongside one another in song with numerous church worship teams. I was honored to have been a person of these who ministered. Just a handful of months back, I truly preached the Sunday morning companies in that exact church on two consecutive Sundays.

My individual ministry has expanded to include things like prospects to speak at the large faculty and the area faculty the place I recently participated in a panel dialogue on homosexuality in a grad level counseling/psych course. Past Sunday, I completed my 6th and remaining week of educating at the To start with United Methodist Church. I've been invited back again. The Pastor known as me at work just now to thank me for "sharing my present" with his congregation. Awesome male.

The pastor from the community Cowboy Church - a Baptist group that has blossomed to 500 associates in its 1st calendar year - has questioned that I arrive and educate the Cowboys about the cults. Although I am not Baptist, I have taught far too several instances to depend at the Sunday meetings of the neighborhood Baptist Ministry. I go to a weekly property church conference that involves numerous Pentecostals, some Baptists and a pair of Catholics. We have prayed with each other and ministered to other folks and have noticed miracles and non secular items in operation.

Jesus prayed that we would be a single as He and the Father are one. Unity instructions a Heavenly blessing.

Which is MY Tale...

That is how I bought to town and what God's demonstrated me in the suggest time. Has it been devoid of its trials? Barely. Apart from loathe mail by means of my laptop or computer, I when frequented a female in the county jail and even helped set up her release. She later accused me of a criminal offense and filed a restraining order from me. Not only did that situation hardly ever make it to trial, but that woman has been despatched to the point out jail for a different crime. On best of that, there have been a couple of individuals who would not allow for their young ones to sit beneath my educating mainly because they learned I've been divorced. At the very least no one's capturing.

Oh, one final bit of good news is this: I moved to a cabin in the woods and, when I met my amazing wife, Barbara, we not only moved in this article and really like it, but we acquired a Victorian property in town that my mothers and fathers moved into from Las Cruces, New Mexico and are managing as a rooming household. We call it Vanderbilt Spot. Barb is a registered nurse and got a work at the medical center found just 2 blocks from my downtown business at The Chamber. I see all 4 of my kids, daughter-in-law and three grandchildren routinely. I can remember the times that I was often so all by yourself and sickly.

I am not positive what it is the Lord is carrying out right here in this fantastic small town but, realizing Him, I know it is really gonna be terrific! I encourage any one looking at this now to improve where by you might be planted, no matter of situation. I've uncovered that anything at all we can see with human eyes is issue to improve. Even at my sickest, I was mailing Christian Gospel tracts to Center Eastern-sounding names from the cellphone e-book on the possibility the recipients could possibly be Muslim. I built it to the letter "J" as I remember. My stamp-licking tongue wasn't broken, after all. Later on, a dear good friend gave me a superior utilized pc and my e mail ministry was on its way. I Nonetheless only type with 1 finger (40 wpm, not bad, huh?).

Now, scroll down and Forward the message. Level it if you like.

Resource by Michael Tummillo