#god…FUCK YOU guerilla

[claudiasjustice]

My friend playing HFW: so what upset you most about playinh this game?

Me, thinking about Varl and breathing heavily with tears of pure rage in my eyes: just keep playing

[insinirate]

gonna be honest the first thing i thought when getting into crsm was "wow this sarukawa guy looks like someone sini insinirate would like"

I HATE IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[strangefable]

i want to commit violence against guerilla for this dlc. fuck this fight very much

[tgcg]

part 3 of something specific

CG: SO YEAH, THERE’S NOTHING BLACK ABOUT HOW THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS SET UP BEYOND PURE SUPERFICIALITY. THEIR RIVALRY IS TEXTUALLY POSITIVE BOTH TO THEM AND FOR THEM, BECAUSE IT LEADS TO THE DISCOVERY OF THEIR STRONGEST BONDS, WHICH ARE TO EACH OTHER. AS SOON AS SASUKE DISCOVERS HIS BROTHER’S RETURN, HIS IMMEDIATE CONCERN IS TO GO OUT OF HIS WAY AND FIND NARUTO TO ENSURE HIS SAFETY.

TG: (man how is karkats hair always the exact same amount of messy)

CG: SASUKE FINDS NARUTO ANNOYING, BUT SO DOES LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE IN HIS VICINITY! SO IT’S NOT LIKE THEY HAVE A UNIQUE BOND REGARDING ANY CONTEMPT FOR ONE ANOTHER.

TG: (its like hes got that shit down to a science)

CG: THEY DON’T HATE EACH OTHER DEEP DOWN! AND THAT’S THE CRUCIAL PART, THE ABSENTEE SUPPORT BEAM THAT PROMPTS THE FOUNDATIONS OF BLACKROM TO CRUMBLE IN ON THEMSELF. NO DAVE, THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS DEFINED BY EMPATHY AND COMPASSION.

TG: (professor sepulchritude were noticing a 0.6% decrease in the angle of elevation in the frontmost swoop)

CG: NARUTO KNOWS ALMOST FROM THE BEGINNING THAT ANY HATRED SASUKE HOLDS FOR THE WORLD ISN’T DIRECTED AT HIM WHATSOEVER. HE DIRECTLY ACKNOWLEDGES THIS WITHIN THE TEXT!

TG: (unacceptable doctor dicktopus, apply several degrees worth of emotional turmoil and see to it that the issue is ass blasted to oblivion)

TG: (fuck yes sir)

CG: SASUKE SAYS HIMSELF THAT HE FINDS SAKURA REALLY ANNOYING, AND SAKURA IS IN TURN MOST ANNOYED BY NARUTO.

CG: AGAIN, SQUANDERED POTENTIAL. FUCK THAT.

TG: (is it natural or premeditated is some kind of product involved)

TG: (did alternia have fucked up guerilla combs designed to mangle your hair just right)

CG: … DAVE?

TG: (actually hell nah i couldnt see him doing that in a billion shitty troll sweeps)

CG: METEOR TO FUCKING DAVE?

TG: (no doubt he just rocks up like that)

TG: (man looks the same every day)

CG: DAVE!

TG: (shit abort)

CG: GOD DAMNIT. YOU AREN’T LISTENING ARE YOU? YOU’RE DOING THAT THING AGAIN WHERE YOUR LIPS START MOVING WHILE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF TELLING YOU SOMETHING! JEGUS, AT LEAST HAVE THE BASIC TROLLIAN DECENCY TO INTERRUPT ME WITH CONVICTION IF YOU'RE GOING TO HUMOUR AN EXCHANGE IN CULTURE, YOU ABSOLUTE TOOL.

CG: DID YOU EVEN GET A WORD OF WHAT I SAID?

CG: WELL YOU’RE THE ONE WHO ASKED, CHUCKLEFUCK! SO--

TG: yeah theyre just quivering in tearful delight at self recognition through the other dude

TG: if not for these sick shades youd be moved to shit by the glistening eyejuice gathering in these peepholes

TG: fit to burst but i remain static in the face of euphoria

TG: im protecting your ass such as a knight is pretty much wont to do

CG: PFF, WHATEVER, “DUDE”.

[fandomfucker]

I loveeee the singer and rhea headcanons you write could you do one where the reader is an actress? Maybe they meet through the reader getting cast in a movie that involves around wwe so she spends time going to matches and backstage

YES

Also, the years are different because that's how i want it and I said so🤷‍♀️

You'd have starred in that movie Fighting With My Family (just a different year though)

Since a big part of Saraya's story was Wrestlemania, you were invited to that years Wrestlemania, just a month or two before you started filming

The one you were invited to was Wrestlemania 39 and you were able to go to not only day 1, but also day 2 and got backstage VIP treatment

You got to meet a bunch (if not all) the wrestlers and had a heart-to-heart with Triple H

Rhea saw you first

She was nervous and jumping around shaking out her hands when she saw you walk down the hallway past her open door

Her heart stopped as did her nervous bounces

She kinda just automatically walked out of her room and watched you walk down the hallway until she couldn't see you anymore

She turned around and caught Dominik laughing at her

He told her who you were and told her to go for it

She didn't have the confidence until a little after winning her match against Charlotte

"Oh my god! Congratulations on your win! I'm Y/n Y/l/n, its so cool to finally meet you. You, uh, you looked really good out there."

"Yeah, you too. Thanks, uh-would you maybe, wanna, like, I dont know, get a drink or something after the show? You dont have to if you dont want to but-"

"I'd love too! And...maybe you could teach me a thing or two about wrestling?"

"Yeah, for sure"

You'd never seen her so nervous and it remained that way until she wound up proposing

But she just thought you were so fucking hot

Little did she know, you were just as affected as she was. you're just better at hiding it

soon as you walked away from yalls first meeting you were blushing and stuttering so bad someone asked if they needed to get you medical help

You were able to watch the matches from the guerilla and get a feel for the environment; the stakes, the people, the emotions, everything so that you'd be able to replicate it for the movie

You studied peoples moves, not only how they moved individually but together

Letting each other know what they were going to do, setting up, taking the bump, everything

You watched Rhea the closest though

It was just because she and Saraya seemed to have a lot in common in the way their characters looked is what you told yourself. Totally not cause she was absolutely gorgeously lethal in the ring

She helped you spare alongside the people actually hired to teach you for the movie. The wrestling with Rhea was more effective because that was her expertise

You definitely learned a lot but you only ever won when she let you

But with her looking the way she does when she riptides you, losing really doesn't sting too bad

You officially start dating around the time the movie comes out later that year, she was your date to the premiere and you guys wore matching outfits and it was perfect

Once you moved on to other projects, Rhea found solace in watching some of your previous stuff she hadn't seen before but found that she could NOT stand watching you scream or cry or be covered in blood (and god forbid a combination of the three)

You woke up once at 2 am to a call from her, checking to make sure you were ok and to hear your voice after she watched a show where your character was tortured nearly to death

She doesn't watch any of your horror/sci-fi stuff anymore

Shes always your premiere date though unless she absolutely has to work in which case you just go alone, but together you always match

She does love the stuff your in where youre not being harmed though and she'll watch them over and over again

She has at least one poster from everyone of your projects up somewhere in her house

Plus an abundance of your merch

Like way too much for any normal person

Kinda gives off Tom Holland and Zendaya vibes, but you each think that you're Tom and your girlfriend is Zendaya (if that makes sense)

Rhea about has a stroke when she find out you guest starred in an episode of Supernatural when you were younger

The Fighting With My Family movie is Rhea's favorite though and harbors the most merch since thats how yall met

You've gone to a ton of PPEs and RAWs since you started dating and fans freak out every time

[cowgurrrl]

The Palace in Flames

Pairing: Javier Peña x CIA!reader

Author's note: okay two things 1) fuck it we ball on this timeline 2) i don't love how this turned out but I need to finish it otherwise I'm gonna stare at it for god knows how long so enjoy anyways

Summary: "I'm not a violet dog. I don't know why I bite." [3.8k]

Warnings: canonical violence and language, alcohol, a little bit of backstory, discussion of PTSD like symptoms, a touch of misogyny, canon events but slightly canon divergent timing i think

There's not a lot you can do at the scene of the car bombing. You and Javi talk to local police and take witness statements from frightened neighbors and anybody else willing to come forward with information while Steve takes pictures. From what you can tell, it looks like it was a crude C4 bomb, one of the easiest to make and detonate. All it takes is the right amount of pressure, and boom. A few unfortunate souls died right beside Jorge as they walked past, unaware of the explosion to come. A hit for one quickly turned into a hit for five. 

You're good enough at your job to recognize the fact that Steve and Javi went poking around for information about the person who ratted on you, and then a few hours later, he's dead, not even ten minutes outside of your neighborhood. Medellín is a big place. It could've been a coincidence, but you're almost certain it's not. You really hope you don't have to make good on your promise to return to the US if they go after you again. 

You, Javi, and a handful of other police officers finish with the witnesses and join Steve by the truck. All files and statements will need to go through the proper channels tomorrow, and it's too late to do anything else. You'll start fresh in the morning: follow through on the plan to send out CENTRA SPIKE to see what they can find, monitor movement, and stay vigilant. But tonight, you deserve to get a drink with your two self-appointed bodyguards.

The great thing about working at the Embassy is that everyone touts interagency cooperation and work, but in reality, you rarely want to see each other in the same place. DEA will hang out at one specific bar while CIA will go to another. You don't even want to know where soldiers and higher-ups go once the clock hits six o'clock. Every agency thinks another agency is fucking them over or doing their job wrong. Everybody wants a medal for being in Medellín and fighting the narcos and communists but rarely wants to work together. You like to think your agencies have the upper hand with the three of you being friendly and sharing information without going through official, classified paperwork. It's not the most recommended or legal way to go about it. But, you've been able to pass on valuable information Javi let slip in between rounds and shared cigarettes under the guise of a Confidential Informant.

You were friends with Javi first. He came to Colombia around the same time you did, and you worked the same hours. You did him favors, and he returned them. You learned not to ask each other too many questions and to take what you're given and hope it leads somewhere. You've gotten little victories here and there: guerillas extradited, kidnapping victims recovered safely, witnesses given protection and visas in other countries. It was nice to have someone you could rely on and bounce theories off of when the office was empty, and you two were puffing your way through a pack of cigarettes. The lines got blurry about six months in. It happened fast and without warning, and you swore it was a one-time thing. And then it happened again. And again. And again. Then, it just made sense to keep doing what you were doing instead of going through the cycle of fighting about it and giving each other the cold shoulder, only to end up fucking in his apartment before the end of the day.

Steve, however, got stuck with you. When he became Javi's partner, he was forced to know your name and seek you out in the office when he needed something. At first, he wasn't super keen about the idea of having to rely on CIA for things— something to do with that DEA machismo of not needing anything from anyone— and then he realized how good you are at your job. Once you helped them get an especially important collar, he opened up. He told you about the killing of his last partner and a little bit about his career up until this point. He practically begged you to talk to Connie when she started getting homesick and having doubts, and you came to care for her. Now, you're an inseparable trio (quartet if you count the nights Connie makes her way from the communa clinic and into the bar). 

You think Noonan knew that when she asked Steve and Javi to join the Colombian police on your recon. Something about friendly faces in an unfriendly territory. She was right. You stuck to Javi the entire ambulance ride to the hospital, and they each took turns at your bedside. Even Connie showed up to take care of you during those long few nights in the hospital. You were less willing to accept help once you were discharged, but Steve would knock on your apartment door every night and leave a covered dish on your doormat while Javi bought you groceries. You owe them a lot, though they'll never let you admit it.

Javi buys the first round to celebrate your reinstatement. He gives a brief, flattering toast to your work, and you roll your eyes but clink your glasses together anyway. You avoid talking about theories and leads in the bar, even though you probably could talk about those things in English and get away with it. Everybody already knows you work for the American Embassy. No reason to give anybody anything to report back. Instead, you talk about stupid things like Steve being unable to speak Spanish.

"I can understand a little," he tries to defend himself, and you and Javi share a knowing look. He definitely doesn't understand enough to quantify it as a little. He might pick up every tenth word and know enough commands to dole them out when he's in the field, but that southern accent anglicizes every single syllable he utters. "Alright, y'all can go fuck yourselves." He says at your silence, making you laugh.

"Don't worry about it, Murphy. Couple more years and you'll be running circles around Javi." 

"I don't know about all that, but she's right. You'll get better," Javi takes a sip of his drink. "Eventually." 

Over two more rounds, you talk about things back home, tell stupid stories, and whatever else you could think of. It's nice to see Steve and Javi acting like they kinda like each other outside of work. Lord knows they're at each other's throats most of the time. You enjoy hanging out with them, and even though you know you can handle yourself, you like feeling protected by them. Years of CIA training and undercover work don't mean shit when all people see is a woman alone at night. 

"Alright, I've gotta get home," Steve says as he drinks the rest of his whiskey and puts his cigarette out. He probably should've been home hours ago, but that's none of your business.

"Tell Connie I said hi." You say, and he smiles, nodding and mumbling a quiet "yes, ma'am." He loves her so much, even just the mention of her makes him light up. Your thought from earlier creeps up. A good man. And yet he's here, doing the same shit you and Javi are. It's a little funny how squeamish he still is about things, but you figure that's the last sign of his humanity. God, please let that linger for as long as possible. Javi takes a drag from his cigarette and blows the smoke away from your face.

"Yeah, give her a kiss for me." He says. Before Steve can even open his mouth, you smack the back of Javi's head and groan.

"Ay, Javier," you scold. "Malo, malo, malo." Javi smiles, a rare sight reserved for moments like this, as Steve bids you goodnight again and leaves the bar. The second he's out of sight, you reach over, snatch the cigarette from Javi's hands, and bring it to your lips. 

"Get your own," he grumbles, but there's no heat behind it. You roll your eyes and exhale. 

"Stealing from you is so much cheaper, though," you shrug as you hand it back to him. "You think he got suspicious when we showed up at the same time?" 

"We live down the road from each other and got the call around the same time. Even if he figured it out, he wouldn't say anything. Plus, I think your little attitude at work throws him off." He says, and you raise your eyebrows at him. 

"My little attitude?" You ask. You know he said it just to piss you off, and you hate that it's working. He smirks and you shove his shoulder, stealing the cigarette back from him. "Pinche cabrón." You mumble, and he laughs. He gets a new cigarette from his pack and lights up. A comfortable silence falls over you as you sit there, his hand finding a home on your thigh under the table. 

"So, how're you doing?" Javi asks, seemingly out of nowhere. You shrug and ash your cigarette into the half-full tray in front of you.

"'M fine." You say, and he hums. He takes a long drag of his cigarette and glances around like he's looking for something you can't see. He blows smoke away from you and leans in. 

"So, waking up screaming is fine for you?" He asks. You didn't want to talk about it when you woke up, and you especially don't want to talk about it now. You poke your tongue into your cheek in annoyance. 

"If you thought I wasn't okay, why'd you push for Noonan to clear me?"

"I didn't say I didn't think you're okay."

"Then, drop it." 

"Look, I know you wanna go all in again, but maybe you should take it slow—at least for a little while," he says, and you scoff.

"Give me a fuckin' break, Javi. Did you take it slow when you got shot?" You ask.

"Getting shot and getting kidnapped are two completely different things."

"And yet we both survived," you say, gesturing between you as proof of your survival. "The doctors wouldn't have cleared me to come back if they didn't think I was ready."

"Yeah? How much you pay 'em off for that signature?" He asks. You sigh and bite the inside of your cheek. You're not going to dignify him with a response but you so easily could. "C'mon, just... let your feet get wet again. Everyone knows you've already got the lay of the land, but they don't know that you won't freak the fuck out once you're fully back in the field. I think some of them are waitin' for it," he says. It would explain why everyone's treating you like you're a time bomb. "If you won't do it for yourself, at least do it because I'm asking you." 

"And are you asking me as a coworker or a friend?" You ask. He's staring at you in his weird Javi way: hardened brown eyes softening just enough to bring your guard down. It's not something he learned from years at the Academy or in the field. That's all him. 

"Would it make a difference?" He asks quietly. Answering a question with a question. What a cop.

"Not really." You say, and he sighs. He scrubs a hand down his face and picks up his drink, a cigarette lingering between his fingers. 

"I'm asking as someone who saw what they did to you." He says before taking a big gulp of whiskey. You haven't talked about it. Not about what he saw and knew before finding you or what exactly happened in that room over those few days. You spent hours upon hours repeating the story for doctors, depositions, agency paperwork, and even to the court-appointed psychiatrist who had to screen you before they could even let you back in the building. So, you weren't necessarily gunning for the opportunity to repeat it again when Javi asked you about it. There are only so many sympathetic looks and half-hearted reassurances one person can take.

Even though you relied on him to tether you back to earth during those first few days, he took the brunt of your emotions. You refused to answer his questions and pushed him away. "I'm just trying to help," he told you when he tried to take care of you. "Where was your fucking help when they grabbed me from the street, huh?" You snapped, exhausted and sore and a little out of your mind. It was mean and unfair. You know how hard everyone worked to find you. You know how he blames himself. You know how scared they were to find your body.

When he puts his empty glass down, you look at him and nod. You can't take back what you said, but you can soften it a little. You put your hand over his and trace the contours of his knuckles. They're a little bruised and cracked, but still a part of him. You take a deep breath and rub your thumb against his skin. 

"Okay," you concede quietly. "I'll slow down for a little while, but the second we have good intel, I'm all in again." He lets out a relieved sigh and squeezes your thigh. 

"Thank you." He mumbles. To anyone walking by, you two would look like a couple having a drink after a long day of work before going to your shared home and sleeping it off. You indulge in the thought for a second longer than you meant to before you retract your hand and reach for your drink. 

"You're gettin' soft on me, Peña." You accuse, and he chuckles.

"God forbid I wanna see you make it outta here alive." He says, and you hum as you finish the rest of your drink. His eyes stick to the corner of your lips where a few drops of tequila spilled, his thumb twitching as he stops himself from wiping them away. "What're you doing for the rest of the night?" He asks. It's an opening. An invitation to finish what he started earlier. What happened with Alemán earlier in the day must've wound him up, made him tense and in need of release. Unfortunately for him, there are few things you like more than making him sweat.

"Well, I've got a dinner I need to pack away in the fridge and dishes to clean."

"I can help."

"I don't think you can," you say as you stand and grab your jacket from the back of your chair. "Besides, I'm supposed to be taking it easy. I should probably get some rest before my first actual day back, right?" He rolls his eyes as you throw a couple of bills down on the table for your share of the drinks, and you smirk. "I'll let you walk me home, though." 

"You'll let me?" He asks, but he's already standing and pulling his own jacket over his shoulder. Like clockwork, you think.

"Figured it's the least I could do." You say, and he scoffs, swatting at your ass when he passes behind you.

"Vámonos princesa." 

You get a warm welcome back to the office by immediately getting thrown into the chaos of the CIA. A corkboard with all known names of M-19 and other communist group members looks like a serial killer's wet dream with all the notes and grainy photos that stare you down as you talk about recent developments in the jungle. Honestly, you don't care what a group of kids are doing or planning to do, but everyone else in the CIA seems to think it's the most pressing matter.

Despite what the Agency and Reagan want you to believe, you know communists are not the most dangerous group in Colombia right now. Narcos are practically running the country and ruining countless lives with their rampant murder and exploitation. So even though Lou wants to sink a billion dollars of American taxpayer money into fighting guerillas in the jungle, you have one eye on the situation with the narcos. You're just waiting for the message to come down through the ranks that it's all hands on deck for taking down Escobar. Lou knows about your indifference and exacerbates it every chance he gets.

"Agent, I want you to work with Mil Group on tracking their movement to see if there are any patterns. I want to know where they're going and what they're planning." He says, pointing to you. You give him a look and cross your arms over your chest. You hate working with Mil Group. It's a group of guys with sticks up their asses and, somehow, never see the outside of an office. You catch Javi and Steve walking by through the windows, obviously going somewhere, and you lose whatever patience you have.

"All due respect, Colonel, but Ambassador Noonan took me off of desk duty effective immediately. I think I could be of more help in another area concerning M-19." You say, and he raises his eyebrows at you. You're also not fucking boss, you think.

"I'm sure we can find the time for you to show us how big and bad you are another time, sweetheart, but right now, this is where you're ordered to go." The nickname is abrasive in your ears, and you want to correct him, demanding your title as Agent, but Javi's words ring in your ears. They're waiting for you to freak out so they can send you home. They're waiting for you to blow up on somebody for a small thing. They want you to fail. You sigh and bite your tongue. 

"Yes, sir." You say before making your way to the Jarheads. 

For being off of desk duty, you still feel like you're doing mind-numbing work. All you're doing is plotting points on a map where satellite phones have pinged off of cell towers in an attempt to triangulate where they might be hiding out. Considering how there are barely any cell towers that reach that deep into the jungle, and even if they did, the calls drop after about thirty seconds, you don't have a ton of riveting information to work with. You listen to the recorded, half-legible calls and translate what you can to another agent, but nothing suggests they're planning anything. If they are, they're keeping it off your radar.

After wasting a stupid amount of time doing that, Lou draws up a bigger map and makes you replot all the points down with an estimate of where they might be. You're not CENTRA SPIKE or well-versed in how triangulation even works, and he knows this. It's a fool's errand at best, but he demands it by the end of the day. "So I can give it to the tech analysis guys." He says. You're about one more pointless task away from bashing your head into a wall, but you start on the map anyway. 

You're about halfway through when you hear Murphy calling your name, and you turn to see him and Javi walking through the crowded Mil Group office. 

"You're working with the Army now?" He asks, and you sigh. 

"For the day. Lou is on everyone's ass about this M-19 shit and thinks I'm the best person for the job, apparently," you say. "Please tell me you have something better than this." 

"We just got a sicario's son off the street. Dumbass was distributing in broad daylight in front of a cop." Javi says, and you furrow your eyebrows.

"We both know that's not a good enough reason for a cop to pick up a sicario's kid. What're you holding out on me?"

"Apparently, the cop heard him bragging about rigging a car with a bomb. He said something along the lines of, 'That's what happens to rats,' and then said something about going after La Golondrina next." Steve supplies. So this sicario's kid rigged the bomb to kill the informant who sniffed you out, said he also had a bomb for you, and now he's sitting somewhere in DEA custody? If Escobar's men weren't going after you before, they definitely are now. 

"Do you think he even knows anything? He might just be daddy's errand boy." 

"He asked for a deal," Steve says.

"Wheeling and dealing might not be grounds for extradition, but threatening to blow up a United States CIA agent just might be," Javi says. Something shifts in his eyes just enough for you to catch it, and you know it has to do with the conversation you had at the bar. You shake your head and break eye contact with him to look at Steve.

"Right, but you know how Wysession and Jones are. If it doesn't involve communist groups, they don't even want to look at it."

"The kid told us that some of Escobar's men have been talking with one of the leaders of M-19." Bingo. You throw down your marker, stand from the desk Wysession relegated you to, and all but march into his office with Steve and Javi close behind you. 

"How's that plotting coming along, honey?" Lou asks as he looks up from his paperwork, his face falling at the sight of the two men behind you. Lou might not like you, but he dislikes Javi and Steve more. 

"Agents Peña and Murphy have intel that Pablo is communicating with M-19 guerillas," you say. "That means there could be a joint attack coming, which means we can't keep separating the communist and narcos task forces." 

"Has this information gone through Noonan?" He asks.

"No, sir. We wanted to relay the information to our Agent here first since the intel involves her kidnapping." Steve speaks up, using your actual title, and you have to bite the inside of your cheek to keep from smirking. 

"Is your intel good?" Lou asks Steve, ignoring you and Javi, and Steve gives him a look. 

"You think we'd be wastin' your time if it wasn't?" 

"Well, then, you better get a move on and go tell her." He says like he doesn't actually like the idea, but he can't think of anything else to say. You, Javi, and Steve quickly leave his office and start the trek to Noonan's office when Steve gets a call on his sat phone. He looks like he's about to ignore it before remembering it could be Connie, and even though she's supposed to be at work, he doesn't take any chances and answers it. You're close enough to him to hear her frantic chattering on the phone and saying something about M-19 and Escobar. The walk to Noonan's office turns into a run, but it doesn't matter. By the time you get there, thousands upon thousands of pages of evidence against Pablo Escobar are burning on the TV as M-19 takes over the Palace of Justice. 

This isn't just a singular agency fight anymore. You doubt it ever was. You know that the Palace of Justice Siege will change everything for better or worse, and you have to be ready for it. Promises made over glasses of scotch be damned.

TAGLIST:@abbyhaslongshorts@kiwiharrykiwi@sumsworldz@myloveistoolittle@anavatazes @marantha @cosmoscoffeee @shyminnie07 @beezusvreeland @eddiemunsonsbedroom @harriedandharassed @doodlebob-mp3 @ignorethisplz2004 @buckyispunk @d1lf-loverrr @vee-bees-blog @moel-jiller @anoverwhelmingdin @casssiopeia @space-zaddy-din-djarin @rainy-darling (let me know if you don't wanna be tagged for this series!)

[haolovre]

secrets hidden in you

“they all say that park seonghwa, the most popular and dangerous person in the school doesnt have a heart, does he?”

student! ateez

this series can contain:bullying, beating up, blood, fluff, drugs, smoking, swearing

this is all fiction! nothing is real!!

masterlist of this serie

second day

U get woken up by ur alarm, as u growl u got up and went to the bathroom room. u check the clock 7:30 AM. Well u have enough time. U brush ur teeth and shower. then u check the clock 8:00 AM u put your clothes on and went down to eat breakfast. “Honey i made pancakes! U should go at 8:30 so hurry abit before u miss the bus” “mhm alright mom thanks!”

u ate ur breakfast and went to the bus stop. as u were right on time the schoolbus was there. u went to the school bus to see ateez only in the bus. u went to sit in the front as ateez was sitting in the back. “Hey new girl, wanna sit with us” a male voice said. thank goodness u had ur headphones on so u could pretend u couldnt hear them. U heard footsteps coming at u, then ur headphones were taking of “hey! what the fuck was that for” “oh~ so u were listening to music, thats why u didnt answer my question” u looked up who u were talking to.

choi jungho-

“oh im sorry, but my music is pretty loud so i didnt hear u” “ohh~” he smirked “excuses , excuses, excuses. dont have to lie to me” he put your headphones on. He was quite shocked at the music u checked ur phone. now playing: guerilla - halateez. Know u get why he was shocked. He drew the headphones on ur lap and went back to the group. As u were finally at school (well not finally but yk) u thanked the driver and went to the gates to be greeted by sooha. “Heyy girly well haeyoung is sick sadly. People saw newjeans put something in her waterbottle” “naur way poor her hopefully she gets better” u signed “well u still have me! And great news the cheer club had accepted u!!” “oh my days ur kidding” “im not~ well we both have the same classes but the training is today at 5:00 pm u’ll get ur uniform there so dont worry! And the coach is amazing so no stress” mhm alright u said to urself “well maybe lets get going will be late if we keep standing here.” “Alright lets get going. Literature it is” sooha said sadly. U two went to literature, yeahyeah boring stuff we’ll skip that part. “Well we have self study now so lets-“ sooha got interrupted by something.. well poor u got ice bucketed by newjeans and ateez. u heard them laughing “oh my days lets go to the medic before u catch a cold” sooha took ur arm and ran to the medic but got stopped by a male figure. “Well i can bring her” he smiled as u looked up who it was.

kang yeosang.

“No. U did this to her-“ as yeosang picked u up and threw soohas arm off urs. as he walked to the clinic. “Yeosang u better not do anything to her” sooha screamed to him “yeahyeah ill take care of her dont worry” he responded looking at u with a caring smile. As the school doctor looked at u and gave u a new uniform so u’ll not catch a cold. “Thank u yeosang for bringing her. I was scared for her that she’ll actually catch a cold” he softly laughed “mhm its oke ms hwang” u came out thanked the doctor and went out. “Wait ur not going to thank me i literally brought u here” u stared at him “u did it for ur reputation.” As u walked off u see the ateez and newjeans looking at u and yeosang. U went to the library to see sooha by herself doing the biology assignment. “ oh there u are! I was worried . did yeosang do anything to you?” She sounded a worried mother “no no he did nothing, just brought me so his reputation is high” “ew that player, well im working on my assignment so maybe do urs too” “mhm alright, weres beomgyu?” “Oh he has a other lesson then us.” Great ur only partner is park seonghwa “oh well im not doing it with seonghwa” “did u call my name?”

u looked to see seonghwa and yeosang at the entrance of the library. “Thank god i could get out of that group, minji keeps clinging on me like a fly” seonghwa said now walking to u “well we should work on the project, no?” “Yeah alright move a chair here so u can sit” as seonghwa went to get a chair, yeosang came up too u “ heard u were the new cheerleader well be cheering for me and seonghwa yeah?” u looked at him as u wanted him dead “gosh im joking comeon” as seonghwa came back with two chairs so yeosang could sit too. U and seonghwa were doing pretty well on the poster. As u never thought that seonghwa could be helpful. But then the bell went. “Oh well its best me and yeo get going see u around y/n” as both male figures waved goodbye and left. “Well~ how did it went” sooha asked “went better then i expected def”

time skip to the end of the last class

“YN LETS GO WE NEED TO GO TO PRACTICE”this girl has energy for days😞 “alright alright! im coming” u went to the coart were the cheer coach was. “Ohh u must be the new cheer member! yn right?” u nodded” well welcome to wave cheer club! here are the uniform” it was a blue cheer uniform and the pompoms were blue with gold “ well practice start in 10 minutes!!” u look over the bleachers to see someone staring at u, but u couldn’t recognize the face as it turned away quickly.

After practice u go to ur locker seeing alot of love notes in it. U were kinda surprised seeing the fall down. U didnt want to make a mess so u quickly put them all in ur bag. Ur surprised that it all fitted in

. U go home by bus and opened every love letter. All of these letters had something common. There signed with 0304. U looking confused but said to urself u’ll read them tomorrow.

—next—

[fahrenheitegg]

GUERILLA STREAM

✽ pairings: mysta rias x y/n

✽ synopsis: mysta has again participated in an offline collab. he's in the kitchen, doing a guerilla stream, while the others are hanging out wherever they are.

✽ further notice: all dialogues (mysta talking to chat) fluff, female bodied reader, she/her

"no we didn't record another song." mysta said and laughed after reading the chat.

"oh my god thank you for the red super chat. mysta, you are so cute— i'm not cute— i hope you're having a fun time in your offline collab please tell us how was it meeting your kouhai for the first time."

"kouhai, you must mean y/n right? she's the only kouhai present in this offline collab aside from alban that i've already met personally a few months ago." mysta said and drank water first.

"y/n, huh?" mysta mumbled. "hmm i guess i could compare her to ike— like, there's just something about her that makes her likeable after you spend a few seconds with her. like ike, she's really likeable in god knows what reasons, you know?"

"when i first met y/n, it was earlier today when we all agreed to meet up at the plaza near a coffee shop. i was waiting with nina, alban, reimu, elira, and the rest of the luxiem members, and also mika when y/n texted us that she's already here. then a few minutes later— the weather here is cold, right? so we're all wearing coats and fluffy scarves— then we saw a literal fluff ball getting off the taxi and approaching us!"

"vox was like oh my god is that a chewbacca? why is it white and pink though while the others started saying that ah maybe it's y/n. yup, we knew that it really was y/n when she was like SWEET CHEESE AND NUT CRACKERS! it's you guys! and that's when we all went to her for a hug."

"well, hugs are expected when you first meet a person you've known for a while right? y/n had to remove her layers of fluffy coats before she could hug everyone for warmth. it was so fun and cute especially when reimu and y/n hugged they were all jumpy like rabbits what the hell." mysta said and laughed.

"i can't describe how they all hugged chat, but reimu and y/n's are the cutest. also when nina squeezed her boobas on y/n's face while hugging her tight and when y/n went on her tippy toes just to hug luca and vox by the neck— it was so cute!"

"oh! oh! someone just said they'll do a fanart of it! tag mystart or i'll hunt you in your sleep, okay?"

"how was it hugging y/n? thank you so much for the super chat!"

"hugging y/n? oh my god i have to address this okay wait." mysta laughed. "when y/n saw me, she just like stared at me for like one to two minutes straight then she suddenly smiled widely that her eyes closed, with her arms wide opened to me, waiting for me to come over instead of just hugging me by herself! yes, chat it was fucking cute! yes! do a fanart! this— this is why i love you chat."

"she was like this." mysta's model was smiling with his eyes closed. "and her arms were opened wide— it's like looking at a smiling marshmallow that moment!"

"oh, you talking about meeting y/n earlier?" vox entered the kitchen.

"yeah! everyone, say hi to vox!"

"hello to you too, dear mystakes." vox greeted back. "i'm just here to search for vegetable oil. me and nina are having meat outside, i'll call you once we're done."

"bye, mystakes!" vox said to the mic before giving mysta a shoulder pat and leaving.

"okay so back to what i was saying, y/n has her arms wide opened so of course i walked to her to give her the hug she wanted!"

"i thought it was just going to be a simple hug like how the others were given but no, the moment i was in y/n's arms, i was embraced by this weirdge warm and heat. i was engulfed by small arms that felt like the bestest hug i've ever received— ever. i don't — i don't really know how to describe it but it's like the way a puzzle fits another one perfectly? i don't have a good analogy for it."

"yeah like that, chat! the way we hugged felt like we're puzzles that perfectly fitted each other! when she buried her face in my neck, i couldn't help but bury mine in hers too. it was a tight hug, chat. a tight tight-ass hug! but it didn't feel strangling, it didn't feel stuffy, chat. it was warm, it was good. like cumming-good." mysta said and laughed.

"yeah yeah... when she caged me in her arms it felt like i was welcomed again, you know what i mean?" mysta said as his voice slowly calmed down. "it was one of the best hugs i've received, chat. no, maybe the best hug ever. i just felt like a baby in that hug— i can't really describe it chat."

"i could just remain in her arms, hugging her forever, you know...?" mysta slowly mumbled as tears unknowingly welled his eyes.

"huh? oh god." he sniffed. "i'm crying! i'm fucking crying, chat, what the fuck?"

"i'm sorry i never meant to get this emotional lol." mysta added while rubbing his eyes. "i've known everyone longer than i knew y/n and i didn't even shed a tear when i hugged them, but y/n's... i don't know, different, i guess? it felt like we knew each other since forever and her hug felt nostalgic and really, really warm chat. like, like that feeling of sitting by the fireplace while it's snowing cold outside and you have a cup of cocoa with marshmallows? like that, i don't know." he explained, at least he tried, while stopping his tears from falling by looking up.

"i'm sorry, chat. i didn't really mean too." mysta chuckled. "i guess, i'm just very happy— too happy, that my body couldn't take it anymore so i just bursted into tears."

"it's been a while since we've been doing offline collabs and i always feel welcome in the nijisanji en family. it has always been a place where i feel like i belong." mysta said. "it was overwhelming when i first felt that, and with y/n's hug, i felt it again, but this time it was too overwhelming for some unknown reasons. fuck."

"mysta, what's wrong?" luca asked, entering the kitchen. "w-why are you crying, man? what's wrong?"

"nothing wrong, it's nothing." mysta laughed. "i just told them about y/n's hug."

"oh yeah, her hugs... they were magical, aren't they?" luca said and handed mysta a handkerchief. "she is the goddess of acceptance and comfort, after all." luca added.

"now don't cry, bro, you're gonna make me cry too..."

"don't fucking cry, dumbass!" mysta laughed.

"who's crying? don't cry." y/n joined in. "oh, you guys are streaming? i'm sorry to interrupt."

"no it's okay." mysta said and chuckle. "i'm alright chat, i'm sorry. i'm alright now. nijisanji en's biggest fluff balls are beside me so i'll be okay. all that's missing is ike."

y/n giggled and stood beside mysta. "yeah, he'll be alright, mystakes! we'll take care of him well!"

"yup! this collab is gonna be all poggers!"

"yeah..." mysta mumbled and held y/n and luca's waist, only for the two to hug him by the side.

[turbobyakuren]

@cerastes oh no worries!! i'm actually OK to answer this because maybe the key is that i'm doing something wrong and knowing how to fix it might make it enjoyable for me again.

More of a "circumstances" cause than what i was expressing in the post, but right now is more a problem of space and time. I live with my parents and I have a problem with the volume of my voice and since i tend to prefer streaming late at night i find it impossible to be comfortable unless i'm guaranteed to be home alone. I could have streamed more when I was in my apartment in Paris, but it is what it is. So, if i ever change my mind, it would be after i solve this problem!

Maintaining a schedule is a difficult, especially since i tend to be more of a "fuck around and decide what to do on instant T". I could be more of a "guerilla streamer" where I don't stick to a schedule (like i did in the past) and stream whatever i want, whenever i want.

I don't really know if I can bring a community and it impacts my self esteem to not really know how to draw people in because (continued in next point)

Overall, I do not consider myself to be an interesting person to watch. I have a bit of an "identity crisis" where I try to perform but also want to be myself and I overall feel very uncomfortable. I know my bit is my Antagonizing Relationship With Chat (which i do love and appreciate because, despite having a bit of paradoxical issues with "joke trashtalking", i am conscious that this is The Bit like pro wrestling. i actually love it haha), but I also feel there's eyes watching my every action and that if i don't do something Funny, people will lose interest. And the paradox is that this fear just manifests in me... not speaking, being confused, having trouble finding my words and thinking "god, i'm making a fool out of myself" and just thinking of excuses i can make to end the stream to stop embarrassing myself. My last streaming experiences last year was just that all the time. I really wish I could fix this.

Maybe the problem is that I haven't found my niche as a streamer, since it takes time and effort + trial and error, and that i need to actually find out what i like.

And there's also the fact that, in the end, video games are a hobby for me and streaming them brings a totally different experience. There's good and bad aspects of this. The Super Castlevania IV streams were my ultimate favourite experience because everyone made it so fun, whereas i ended up disliking streaming a certain game i used to like a lot because i kept getting backseated. I don't know how to express it, maybe "i don't like the pressure of monetizing my hobby" (without the monetizing aspect and more of the "dedicate to the bit" aspect of it). But that's a non-problem in the end because the pros outweighs the cons, so Perish the Thought.

Writing all that down was actually a good idea, because i externalized the struggle i felt about streaming (whenever i feel like i want to stream something i always kill the thought thinking "you're not interesting. don't do that. remember your last streams?"). I actually wrote this vent post after someone asked me enthusiastically if i'd be streaming the new Pizza Tower update, which made me kind of bummed because i would love to do it if there wasn't all this struggle i just listed (+ the time constraint because "you have to stream the hot new game NOW" although i have made it clear in the past that i do not vibe with that school of thought), and in that i feel like i've let down the few people who do appreciate me streaming...

So in the end, it's all that. But writing this made me a bit more hopeful I can enjoy this again...! If i make the effort, I can do this!

[salvadorbonaparte]

2023 in Films

I watched way too many films this year. Here are my opinions on some of them

January

Las Cosas Del Querer (1989) - Amazing if you love sad hot people and flamenco

Canadian Bacon (1995) - Incredibly silly and Alan Alda plays the US president

Nope (2022) - A highlight of the year

February

Hellraiser (1987) - This film is actually about miscommunication in this essay I will-

Predestination (2014) - Time Travel and Gender Moments

Malignant (2021) - Camp horror masterwork

Late Phases (2014) - Mediocre werewolf film with some really interesting comments on ageism, ableism, suburbia and religion

March

Sterne (1959) - Plays into some problematic stereotypes from today's perspective but revolutionary for its time, first German film to address the Holocaust

Major League (1989) - A film I only watched to confirm that it uses a weird phrase I also found in my thesis project

Carry On Screaming (1966) - Camp. Gay. Horror. Parody.

Glen or Glenda (1953) - A product of its time and no longer up to date in its understanding of gender but surprisingly revolutionary in its compassion and earnestness despite the bad reviews

April

Taxi Driver (1976) - Isn't it frustrating when annoying people tell you a film is good and then it's actually good?

June

Mr Deeds Goes To Town (1936) - Mr Deeds has autism swag

El Espíritu de la Colmena (1973) - I really wanted to like this because civil war era Spain and Frankenstein are super up my alley but unfortunately it was so much slower than expected

Das Boot (1981) - Very long and claustrophobic but holds up to the hype

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (2022) - RIP King

July

Nimona (2023) - His big wet eyes bewitched me

First Blood (1982) - You're telling me the film is about Americans fighting an enemy they view as simultaneously weak and dangerous, escalating the situation, and then sending more and more men into a rainforest to die through guerilla warfare after being warned again and again they can't win this? sounds familiar

Barbie (2023) - Insert a bunch of pink emojis

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) - Made me crave bagels

Jojo Rabbit (2019) - God I love war satires

Sweet Liberty (1986) - Alan Alda having fun and also using his own film as a therapy session

The Majestic (2001) - A rewatch but it's so tragically underrated, Jim Carrey is very good in dramatic roles and McCarthy-era media is like catnip for me

Joker (2019) - This is just Taxi Driver with extra steps

August

Tin & Tina (2023) - Probably one of the worst films I have seen in a while

Battle of the Sexes (2017) - I love women

Four Lions (2010) - The ending really got me, I love when satire gets serious

The Sheriff and the Satellite Kid (1979) - Can we talk about how the theme song is just going "I'm the sheriff" "yes you're the sheriff"

Happiness (1998) - Nauseating but in a "good film but what the fuck" way

They Call Him Bulldozer (1978) - Italian Lagaan

The Talented Mr Ripley (1999) - Sad and Gay

Twister (1996) - So much better than expected

Magnolia (1999) - Cloudy with a chance of frogs, a really long but really good film and I'm not entirely sure I got it

Doubt (2008) - Somehow I watched 5 films with Philip Seymour Hoffman that month because I was haunted by his ghost or something

September

The Terminal (2004) - I assumed this to be more of a classic romcom but the whole concept (based on a true story) is so terrifying and tragic that it made me feel all emotions at once

Apocalypse Now (1979) - I knew a lot of trivia about the film but for some reason I didn't know anything about the cast so every single actor was a surprise and made me go "!!!", Also I kinda wanna write an essay about it

October

Bloodbath at the House of Death (1984) - Some of the gay jokes absolutely killed me

Last Night in Soho (2021) - I'm Not Like the Other Girls to Time Travel Murder Nightmare Pipeline, actually I really enjoyed this one but it's also super silly

The Banshees of Inisherin (2022) - How do you say poor little meow meow in gaeilge

The Menu (2022) - I go to the murder restaurant I order the beesechurger, I was super surprised there's no cannibalism but tbh that would have been low hanging fruit

The Eyes of Tammy Faye (2021) - Explains a lot about religion in the US, I love that she was pro lgbt, also I googled her ex husband and he has a prepper/survivalist thing going on now and scams more people

The Darjeeling Limited (2007) - we can't eat pray love ourselves out of this one boys

Holes (2003) - Hated the book as a teenager for school reasons but gave the film a try and really enjoyed it

Renfield (2023) - I expected werewolves but I enjoyed it nevertheless, My Chemical Romance is on the soundtrack, it's very silly, the effects are great

Interview with the Vampire (1994) - Oh people weren't lying about it being homoerotic

The Big Lebowski (1998) - I've had days that feel like that

November

Pappa ante Portas (1991) - Funnier now that I'm an adult, basically half the jokes my mum makes are from this film

The Meg 2: The Trench (2023) - I watched this while sick and really wanted to see a giant shark fight a giant octopus and boy did it deliver

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022) - Very nice animation style

JFK (1991) - I actually fell asleep halfway through because it's so long but can we talk about how this film is just A-listers but has some of the worst wigs and makeup I've seen

Bottoms (2023) - A spiritual sequel to Heathers

December

When Harry Met Sally (1989) - They deserve each other (derogatory) but that one restaurant scene was pretty funny

The Royal Nanny (2022) - one of the many Hallmark films my mum made me watch and this is perhaps the worst one, incredibly sexist even for a Hallmark film and they clearly mean Mi5 but say Mi7 which was a WW2 propaganda service? Also they really want me to believe there is a British prince called Colin and that he doesn't look like his family tree is a circle?

I forgot the title but there was also the one where two people get stuck in a time loop while trying to make a sponsored youtube video about baking and I didn't really pay attention much but man that was bad

[theworldvsyoshiko]

Okay, sure, Yoshiko can conquer a base with a small army, but...

Entire fucking pirate base

versus

literally just Yoshiko

(and the horse she came here on, because she packs so many weapons around these days that she doesn't have the capacity for things like 'food.')

Sneaking around to the east side of the base, she lures the enemies into confined quarters, then starts bombarding their minds with berserk rays.

... unfortunately she can only do that for so long before her own brain's nearly on fire, so she needs to fall back and start using guerilla tactics on them.

A few of the faster (read: high on go-juice) ones are honored with melee duels.

After two or three rounds of falling back to draw them out and then beating the fastest ones into the ground, the pirates have had enough, and start to retreat.

A few enemy holdouts stick around though, and... one of them is her clone.

I swear to fucking god I didn't manipulate things to make this happen or anything. I mean, I knew she was a member of this faction, but like... there's more than one base, you know? Whatever, there can be only one. (Also her clone apparently became squeamish at some point.)

Yoshiko carefully immobilizes her clone using her now-superior melee skills and drinks her blood. It is hers by right.

They've got a lot of turrets, so she's got to spend a while sneaking around and smashing their power lines to disable them all.

Apparently it was mostly concerned about the turrets? I think there's still some guys hiding in the buildings somewhere. Or maybe they snuck away while she was dealing with the power.

[mrsfezziwig]

KQ - The Reason Ateez Don't Win Awards: (Pt 1)

n.b.(Good God I am actually scared of what reaction this may get from other Atiny but I feel like it is something I really need to address!)

Ateez are incredible;

as humans, as a group, as vocalists and as rappers, but their stand out ability comes in the way they perform and dance. I have never seen a group like these eight men when it comes to their star power; all of them could probably be in The Demon Line now they have matured, especially Yunho, who feels more relaxed on stage, more intense and he is most definitely not holding himself back anymore (That YunGi clothes grab in the Wonderland tour version, anyone? This Mrs Fezziwig was fanning herself like a Georgian Regency lady with a hand fan and blaming it on her age - hot flushes, you know... Oof! ). But anyone with a braincell can look at the lack of acknowledgement of their talents in terms of end of year award show nominations and wonder what the hell is going on?! It is incredibly irritating when people who deserve to have their hard work and talents celebrated are passed over again and again.

Now, this is where I just know I am going to be side-eyed, possibly bombastically, because I need to make comparisons in order to make my points as this is only about my opinion, and things I see other Atiny discussing on socials. In addition everyone knows how close the members of these two groups are as friends, hence why I am risking my sanity to say it:

The Comparison - Stray Kids

What makes Stray Kids so well awarded isn't just their agency, which has absolutely helped, with their money, organisation and longevity in the idol industry, but there's also the fact that they have practically carte blanche when it comes to the music they make. No body on this good, green Earth can ignore the sheer genius that is 3RACHA and their most common producer, Versachoi, when it comes to their abilities to write, compose and produce their songs.

Every emotion in the human pantheon of feeling is out there in a song available for fans to discover from their catalogue. Their forte is the musical freedom all the members contribute to the group.

SKZ hits harder because they are performing their own emotion out in song and dance, having three geniuses in one group is fated, no one can ever tell me otherwise... However, Ateez doesn't have that extra layer of connection even though the boys are still insanely versatile and make it work.

That's not the fault of the members, BBTrippin or even on some level the collective Edenary, they're all being told the same thing by the agency. It lies in the fact that those at the top want it to be this way.

I don't say this as a diss against Edenary, and I have yet to find a skip song on their albums. It is all impactful, musically, there is nothing but hit after hit on those but the lyrics just aren't up to par. Guerilla was about a fictional revolution, Halazia was about a fictional revolution from the outsider perspective, Bouncy was about an, um... fictional revolution and Crazy For-... Yeah, I am going to stop here.

KQ CEO-nim, I respectfully say:

Holy Fuck... Drop the fucking storyline into the b-side! Yep, you heard me right - Drop. The. Fucking. Storyline. From. The. Title. Tracks! Plllleeeeaaaaasssseee?

I am pretty sure all the inhabitants of Dimensions A and Z, and how ever many other of these buggers are hiding in the mind of the planners, shall collectively gasp dramatically 'Blasphemy!'

What a cardinal sin to suggest such a thing!!! Pre-debut Atiny are clutching their pearls and Diary Version albums as I speak such foul utterances, wondering how I could possibly have the very cheek of it to say such a thing! Do you think the boys will be proud of the dramatic delivery here? 😂

Yes, there are some moving and heart-wrenching b-sides on Ateez albums that are ignored for the scale of interdimensional time Pirates, which makes it increasingly, painfully obvious that those emotions are rare in their title tracks. So, I will make the point I've been moving up to with the comparison:

KQ need to let loose the reins

I first encountered Ateez in my initial journey with kpop in 2021 and I was in my 'BTS got me hooked, Stray Kids toppled them with Hellevator from my focus, and Ateez seems interesting...' era

Being 38 I felt kinda like some sort of sicko for finding guys I could have birthed attractive and I still have twinges of this feeling occasionally. Thankfully, none of the 5th Gen children are anything other than cute little babies to me, ones that I want to tut at, throwing appropriate clothing their way and ground them for going out in such tiny skirts and dresses. As you can imagine, finding Deja Vu as my first Ateez song sent me screeching dramatically away from the group, hands flapping and looking for a man my age to hide behind [thank you, Rain; you were extremely helpful during my mid-life-ish crisis].

So I continued on my way along up the endurance hike that is the Stray Kids path, again feeling slightly creeped out at myself for buying Oddinary, but also in absolute awe at the music these eight guys made. I still don't have a fucking clue what their storyline is, although it is coming more into focus thanks to the most recent SKZFLIX but that's kinda positive as it allows for their flexibility in terms of what they say and how it's performed and perceived.

At the core, I like their lyrical content better than Ateez, purely due to the fact it's visceral in its emotional impact. With a leader like Bang Chan, I haven't been surprised to find so many amazing fans out there too. Older STAYs I chat with on Discord have been my rock and support as I admitted my feelings of discomfort at the age thing and we figured out it was my STBX husband and his reaction to my new found hobby and likes that left me feeling so icky.

With their help, I finally got the courage up to accept that we were done after 20 years and I haven't missed him except for one occasion [I was facing a general anaesthetic to have a massive abscess on my jaw drained, all alone in a hospital about an hour from home with nobody at all to hold my hand] since he left in March. Every time I faced a backwards step emotionally because of my Ehler-Danlos Syndrome and my limitations, they were there to check on me.

This community is what makes Kpop the best rabbit hole I ever plunged into - stay away from Twitter (No, Elon, it isn't called 'X', it's called Twitter!) and the fans are such magnificently, genuine hearted people who just get me! For the first time in my life my sense of humour wasn't misinterpreted and rather slotted into place like this was where I was meant to be all along. When I found this tribe I was so lonely it was frightful, and it's only by being who I am today with their love and support I can look back at that version of myself and cry for her desperation and black-fog draped soul.

99% of the people in that chat are actually StayTiny, and they were discussing Halazia, insisting I really need to watch the MV. So I did, and as thankful I am for BTS getting me into Kpop and Stray Kids for finding me at my lowest then giving me my coping song in Voices, Ateez overtook them all in one MV. There is something about these guys that I connected with. That began my twisted path in April 2023 in learning names, songs and personality types that lead me to December and the drop of Crazy Form. Yet they may now be my Ult group, Stray Kids are my foundation in the world of idols. And no, I still can't handle Deja Vu no matter how many times I have tried to make it happen. So far I can get to the end of Yunho's opening but I can't take San with that haircut and eyebrows without cringing and backing out, which means I've progressed beyond the sexual feel of the song and am now firmly entrenched in 'Second-hand Embarrassment Station'.

Ateez could be much bigger if...

Despite the connection I found with these seven crackheads plus Jongho, instantly was thrown off by the incessant focus on the story of Ateez and dimension hopping, wondering where they were, as in where were the personal stories; the freedom of expression and grounding focus of reliving your experience in music?

If the story came in the form of a novel, I would be pre-ordering that shit off Amazon faster than I pre-order SKZ and Ateez albums. And I am not alone in this sentiment. After five years in the industry, these guys aren't newbies, they have the experience to handle the responsibilities of writing their own songs with guidance from Edenary and creating their own choreo alongside BBTrippin.

Hearing how the agency weaves the lore into every single MV and title track, I felt angry. I still am and am likely to always be, because if they let up and allowed the boys to display their joy, sorrow, happiness and agony in their songs and choreo, Ateez would be even greater, they'd be a force to be reckoned with particularly in the international market where they just work already. This is where BTS and Stray Kids have Ateez beat.

international fans have come to expect that the music is written and produced by the members of a group. Sure this could be argued as being a side effect of BTS getting so big, it's also a factor no one should discount.

Now, I shall move onto the part I love most: 'saying shit 'people who don't have a genetic pain disorder and who still have two flying fucks to give' won't...

The agency is responsible for the lack of mainstream recognition in terms of awards and fans because that oomph 3RACHA pour into their music is where the disparity lies.

With performers like the eight men in Ateez imagine them being up there on the VMAs stage getting all the praise... And the viral Taylor Swift reaction to match... Her reaction to Chan was just so relatable after all (be still my Swiftie/STAY/Atiny manic heart). I can't lie, the thought of them never being recognised in the mainstream before it's too late and they disband to focus on solo careers makes me tear up. Oh, that's so dramatic of me is what people who don't know Ateez will think,

'Ewwww... it's not that deep 🙄! Go touch some fucking grass and stop being so saesang coded' { Bitch, if I could go outside without dislocating my hip, I'd still be an Archaeologist! Is that enough grass and mud for you all?}

With a massive 'Wooyoung-thicc, baby-girl-twerking' ass BUT(t):

The thing is, it actually is that deep.

I am sick of spending comeback day piecing together the story point instead of looking at the video and lyrics and it's meaning. Which invariably is about the destruction of the dystopian universe. Don't Stop did the story telling in a way that made sense for what the video portrays and it works real fucking well (plus Mingi? Oooh, damn boyyy!). We understood it because it was all there to be found!

Imagine having that every comeback day, the 'falling out of bed at 5am to match KST' would be so much more enjoyable because there isn't any depth to plunder, it would be a {most definitely not} straight shooting banger or bopper or tear-mopper of a track, ALMOST ENTIRELY written and produced by the members for us to enjoy on repeat. Then a few days later the Edenary b-side/s with all the storyline desired would drop and we would be mentally prepared to disect every second of it because our thirst would have diminished to the 'reasonably manageable when those eight beautiful men plus San's chocolate bar abs are in the world' level.

Whilst I intended to make all my points in one post, I will split it up because of the length it's going to be... To be continued...

[rametarin]

Some US American Tankie: "THIS ISN'T WW3, IT'S JUST IMPERIALIST AMERIKKKA BULLYING POOW DEFENSEWESS WIDDLE SOCIAWIST BABY NATIONS AND BROWN PEOPLE, AGAIN. :CCCC STUPID WHITE SUPREMACIST FASCIST AMERIKKKAAAA!"

Some Eastern European: "Hey. Heeeeeeey. Yes fuck white supremacist evil stinkbad imperialist Amerikkka, but you tankies often defend the USSR and Russia! USSR were colonizers and imperialists too, but you weak westerners stan for it just because you hate Amerikkka!"

Hahaha. Yeah why do they do that, Sofia? It's almost like the imperialistic Russo-Supremacist Marxist totalitarian hellhole of Socialist republics and Russian satellite states ran around getting theater kids, smarmy pseudo-intellectuals, some bleeding heart intellectuals, counter culture creaks and junkies to run around screaming about how the USA is just a white supremacist colonial imperialist power, to contrast how they characterized themselves as anti-racist, anti-colonial, anti-inequality, or something. And you're still living in that funky, romantic bubble where the USA is just bad faith, greed and racism incarnate, while the other guy in the room is innocent to beneficent. The side closest to Russia is just burnt to char from exposure where what you imagined does not meet the reality. You're still parroting the brain dead rot that Russia used to positively publicize itself. You're still echoing the tankie and general leftist horse shit.

You're totally willing to buy into the rest of the Russian propaganda, just call out the stuff they say about Ukraine. Suddenly you can see through the bullshit and give nuance and contradiction to the party line when it affects YOU personally.

The facts are, Russia and agents/guerillas operating on behalf of Russia, or proxies operating on behalf of Russia, have been active across South America since Red Revolution was a thing. The people running around screaming about how the United States is a colonialist, occupying power are just the publicity wing for the red revolution sore losers, mad that there's any intervention there whatsoever.

And like complete god damned hypocrites, you can SEE, you KNOW the history of Russia doing that shit IN UKRAINE, and YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY to parrot Russia's disingenuous accusations and their sycophantic, tweed wearing burnt out Marxist faux-intellectual simps in every coffee bar or secret library of leftist repository literature across the world. You see your own situation as unique?! Get over yourself.

Fuck the curtain, pull it away. American "colonialism" since the Soviets became a thing, and a little before when socialist revolutionaries became cliches in beer and coffee houses internationally, has always been stopping Russian attempts to subvert, disrupt, suppress, bolshevize, destabilize and incite domestic takeovers across the world. Them screaming and reinterpreting history has always been the big game board equivalent of a dude cheating at cards getting mad when they're beaten at their own game, before banging the table, glaring at the USA and yelling, "YOU CHEATING FUCK! STOP GETTING IN MY WAY!!! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT STANDING UP TO ME!"

That's the tea. Fucking drink it and grow up. The last god damned CENTURY and change has been the USA sometimes subtly, sometimes overtly, getting in Imperialist Russia's way, spoiling their attempts at takeover and political and social and economic upheavel. And when it happens, they fire up the propaganda wing and scream, "America's being racist and colonialist again! Look!!" While omitting the dirty shit the USSR or unassociated socialist sympathizers are also trying to do.

[little-engineer-who-cant]

When the past knocks on her door, Silena has to come clean

Part 4 of Sirens Scream Names Forgotten by Tomorrow, Laid to Rest in Infinity

(Chapter 1 under cut)

Chapter 1: That's the Nature of Secrets, Dark and Deep, Waiting to be Found

Summary: Silena opens her door.

“Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

- Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky) 

There’s a knock on her door, one that lights the rune next to it, one that whispers if you know how to listen and Silena knows. There’s a demigod at the door. Not unexpected, not really, there’s always a part of her that’s ready. 

So she opens it, bracing herself and-

No, no, no, please, why do the gods hate me so much that it’s you?

“Silena?” Clarisse whispers, blood dripping from her mouth and left arm, onto the ripped and faded carpet in a steady stream. Silena should shut the door right fucking now. Bolt it, grab a knife, if she was smart , she would run like hell. Get out of dodge before this barely coherent house of cards comes crashing on top of her. Death by a thousand cuts.”Are you… real?” I can’t turn you away, even if it burns everything down.  

Burn everything down? It was ashes the second Clarisse came to Gotham, even if neither of them knew it then. But she’s still bleeding all over the hallway, so instead of burning, Silena shuts down.

Compartmentalizing. That’s what her textbooks call it anyways.

“Come in.” She goes through the motions. Nectar first, a gulp, then two, down the other woman’s throat to stabilize her. Heal some of the smaller injuries and reduce her susceptibility to the larger ones. Fresh clothes, bandages, stitching supplies, splinting tools, everything she needs pulled out of her perfectly packed and carefully hidden medical cabinet in the wall, slipped behind a large painting that had cost her an arm and a leg at an art fair. Focus.

“What are you doing here?” Clarisse demands, keeping very still and breathing as steadily as she can while Silena peels away the bloody and torn jacket, revealing a deep and jagged cut on her upper left bicep. 

“Living.” That’s the safest answer, the closest to the truth that doesn’t also mean hiding from everyone like you.

“Living?” The raspiness of that breathing betrays the reality of just how injured the daughter of Ares really is. The bleeding arm has become Silena’s least pressing issue. The swelling and the concerning amount of blood staining her teeth indicate some possible facial fractures. There’s no obvious sign of an entry wound anywhere but the arm, but punctured organs were a high possibility depending on which rib was broken and where. If there’s a punctured or perforated lung, Silena may not be able to help at all.

“Lay down, I need to check your ribs.” She can’t let a conversation spiral, she’s not ready, she’s never been less ready. I thought I’d have some warning. A child’s fantasy, one she’d clung to like she’d have time to don her metaphorical armor before going to war with those who she used to be friends with, those she’s fought against before. Only now, it wouldn’t be the guerilla tactics of her infiltration, it would be guns blazing across no man’s land, into the trenches they’d dug out of self-righteousness and denial.

She’s never been good in a straight fight.

“Not until I get some answers.” 

“First I need to check for broken ribs.”

“I’ll live. Now start talking, Silena, or I swear to every god I will-” No, no, no, no, not now, please, you can’t do this to me now-

“Stop talking!” she screams, clapping her hands over her ears and there’s no controlling the heat in the words that pour from her throat, and into the air around them. It’s inevitable, the way Clarisse freezes in place, face slackening and eyes going hazy in an all too sickeningly familiar facade of compliance. Just like she had stopped in place and stood without protest while Silena stole her armor for a suicide run. Just like she’d had no choice-

Instantly, she claps both hands over her mouth, scrambling away, away, away, get away, you lost control, you can’t lose control- stumbling over an end table and sending her favorite mug crashing to the ground to shatter. No, no, no-

“Silena,” Clarisse shakes off the charm , like a dog emerging from water, refocusing her eyes and extending her hand. Trying to hide a winch and hitch of breath that Silena tracks like a bloodhound, broken ribs-

“No,” she chokes, trying not to breathe, trying to shove every sound back into her own throat, strangle it all at the source-

“Silena!” And she can’t do this, I can’t lie to her again, I can’t see her like that again, I can’t, I can’t-

She risks it because the other option is Clarisse getting too close, close enough to stop you, dropping one hand to her neck and applying pressure. If she passes out, she can’t talk, she can’t hurt anyone, she can’t control anyone-

Clarisse vaults over the couch, heedless of the blood and injury and pain, ripping Silena’s hands away from her own body and yanking her close, arms fastened behind her own back. 

“No,” she whimpers, struggling against a grip like iron, you’ve never been able to fight, you’ve always been a spy, “Clarisse-”

“I looked for you,” and that immobilizes her better than any hands, that broken whisper, the brutal despair in her best friend’s eyes. “You vanished.”

“I didn’t want to be found,” it’s an admission and self-condemnation all in one. Penance, that word pulses between them.

“Percy-”

“Fuck Percy!” Silena explodes, violent in a way she’s never let herself be before but this is my life and you’ve walked back in like I owe you- “Fuck Percy and fuck the empty words you all spouted. I know the truth, Clarisse! I know you all were lying! I could feel it, all of it, all of you. Do you know what hate tastes like? How it feels to swallow around distrust? I couldn’t taste food, Clarisse! I woke up starving and instead of bread, all I could taste was how much everyone in that medical center wanted me dead!” Her breath is too fast, her heart beating too hard but she can’t stop- “How could I stay?”

“How could you leave?” Clarisse demands, tightening her hold. There’ll be bruises in the morning, she can feel it. “How could you not try?”

“Try what? To earn my penance on everyone else's terms? To lie and express my regret?” That gets the grip to slacken, that lets her worm free.

“You-” and oh, Clarisse is shattered by this revelation but it’s true, “you don’t regret it?”

“I-” Charlie. “I regret the Princess Andromeda. I…” Silena swallows around that old friend named grief. “If I could change the past, I would change that.”

“But nothing else?”

“No.” And that’s the worst part. Because Silena has had a long time to reckon with her decisions. But most of them… Most of them are ones she can live with. Most of them aren’t making her lose sleep at night.

That one does.

“How…” Clarisse steps back, shock and horror plain on her face. “How can you not? You… You betrayed us!”

“I did what I thought was right.” And even if I was on the wrong side, I was right. That’s the one conclusion she’s been able to draw. Luke used the worst methods, but what other avenue would have worked? How many millenia have other demigods been trying and failing? It was always going to come to violence to get what we deserved. “The gods would have never listened to reason, Clarisse. It was their own hubris that wrote that prophecy. And like all the other prophecies, we are the ones who went to war for it.”

“I-” whatever she had been about to say was cut off by an oof of pain, the daughter of Ares staggering forward and onto one knee. “Fuck ,” she breathes. 

“What happened to you?” Silena hesitates for a beat, you have helped worse people than her, why are you hesitating, then creeps forward enough to get a shoulder under the taller woman.

“Crazy costumed fucker-” Clarisse gasps and cuts herself off. Adrenaline’s gone, shock could be incoming. Whatever high she had to suppress the pain, it’s all gone now. Silena quickly puts one hand over Clarisse’s heart, hammering away strong and steady. A little fast, but not worryingly so from what she can tell. Then she moves her fingers to Clarisse’s neck, relief coursing through her at the rhythmic pound of a good pulse. Need to monitor that.

“There’s a lot of those.” Silena uses her position as a support to start taking inventory of the woman’s battered torso. Her shirt isn’t too bloody, a good sign but then her fingers hit a bump far too close to hip bones for anyone’s comfort. Definitely at least one broken rib. She can feel where the bone is separated. Fuck, heightened chance of perforated organs, need to watch that too-

“The one in a batsuit. Had a kid with him.” Silena’s hands freeze.

“Why did he attack you?” she whispers, ice shooting down her spine, there are no meta-humans in Gotham. And of all the people to find her here, it’s one of the ones who can be spotted as more from a mile away.

“Fuck if I know.” I can’t address this now, not with the tile under their feet getting wetter and wetter with blood slipping off Clarisse’s arm. It’s already going to be a bitch and a half to clean up, no need to add to it.

Shock position first. Then flush and stitch the arm to stop the bleeding. Then assess the bruising and fractures. If she had a punctured organ, there’d be more signs after she jumped over the damn couch. She needs to stop the bleeding, keep Clarisse’s heart rate steady and not deprive it of any more blood.

“Lay down, I need to stitch your arm.” It’s not the first time someone has bled on her couch, it won’t be the last. It’s why she got the very uncomfortable vinyl covers that Jason makes fun of her for. Easy to wash, easy to conceal. “This is going to hurt.” 

“I know,” Clarisse accepts the rubber wafer Silena hands her with a grimace and obediently tries to help elevate her feet on the tall, firm cushion Silena puts at the end of the couch. “Just get it over with.” And she shoves the black brick into her mouth and Silena turns to get a saline flush.

—

She braces on the rickety side table, a rag clutched in one hand, head bent between her biceps, and she breathes. Clarisse is here, in Gotham, and has been beaten half to death by Batman. Batman. Of all the people who have crossed her doorstep, none of them have managed to run afoul of the various guardians of Gotham until now. 

It had to be you, she stares at the closed eyes of her one-time best friend, the little scowl of pain between her brows, the discomforted curl of her lips, it had to be you. 

She’s too tired to be angry. This life, it was always on a time limit, wasn’t it? A borrowed clock ticking down the seconds until she had to start again. Soon, that’s been the mantra of her life since the end, but it’s the truth. Soon. She’ll have to run, go somewhere else too dangerous to look, start her network over. It was always going to happen, this was never a permanent solution. What is your plan? What was ever your plan? She has enough money to drop and go, she can get papers easily, charm herself a new job-

“What the fuck is this?” Her heart stops at Jason’s rough snarl.

Soon has suddenly become never.

She crashes, falling to her knees and staring sightlessly at the slowly coagulating pool of blood on the tile that all belongs inside of the woman passed out on her sofa with a dangerous amount of nectar shoved down her throat. End of the line.  

This was always something she vaguely feared, but never really believed would happen. Unimaginative. Now, she’s reaping what she’s sowed. What is your plan? a little, mocking voice in her head asks snidely.

A rag. That’s her plan. There’s blood on the tile, from where Clarisse had dripped all over during their scuffle. It needs to be cleaned. She has a rag. A plan. A lifeline. 

What else can she do? Run? She’ll never outrun a bullet. And the blood needs to be cleaned up anyways. It’s the least she can do, despite the awful state of this building. Her landlord was always kind enough to not ask questions. Eye for an eye and this whole city is playing blind.

So she unclenches her hand, folding the cloth neatly like that will change the fact that it’s wiping up the blood, not looking up at him, not answering. Just breathing, tasting his shock like a lightning bolt on her tongue, wrinkling her nose as it tangled with the ongoing thrum of Clarisse’s muted pain like cracker jacks and caramel kettle corn, too sweet to be pleasant. She wipes and waits. It’s said that a bullet to the head is quick and she’s not stopping him, practically handing him the back of her head on a silver platter, he’d make it quick.

There’s a rustle and a clink and she waits. The blinding pain never comes. His hand does instead, covering hers. She stares at the back of it, at scarred knuckles and the little tendrils of ink that creep down from his wrist. 

Wordlessly, he takes the rag from her and starts wiping at the bloody tile, brow furrowed with thunderous thoughts, eyes dark and emotions tasting more sour than an unripe lemon, but he’s here and she’s alive. Even if this calm before a hurricane doesn’t last, Silena loves him for it. 

She gets a second rag.

[fyodior]

there isnt an exec of the medical branch. we know of 5 executives:

koyo ozaki - leads the interrogation unit

chuuya nakahara - no clue what he does now, but i know that before he became an executive, he managed the underground gem trade. (he was good at it, but apparently, it was dazais job before he switched to the guerilla unit)

ace - just bribed his way up. rich guy. i dont think he actually does anything but be rich. (deceased)

paul verlaine - stays underground at all times, he trains assassins (only mentioned in the stormbringer light novel)

osamu dazai - lead the guerilla attack unit, now run by akutagawa and higuchi (left - spot reserved)

there are units that probably report to certain execs, or even mori himself, but that doesnt mean its split all nice. the intelligence unit was lead by ango and we dont know what exec was tied to it, but we do know there were things held just between mori and ango. my guess would be that the medical unit is from an underground system of doctors, similar to the one mori himself was from. they wouldnt all be affiliated with the port mafia, but they would work with them

-☕️

you people are all so fucking smart and deeply knowledgeable my god afkldjsf;ljklds

also had a long conversation about verlaine the other day that just consisted of

"he's alive?" "yes in the basement" "why doesnt he come out" "we dont know" "has he ever been mentioned in the manga" "no. hes just in the basement and doesnt want to come out"

[pissfaggot-transsexual]

3, 4, 10, 13, 21, 30 :)

thank you for the excuse to ramble and ramble and ramble about music ask :]]

3, favorite songs

oh god how do i choose. ok lemme think really fuckin hard for a sec... uhhhhhhh..... fuckinnnn..... ok.

Bad Dog by Dog Park Dissidents

DBSAC by The Oozes

Know Your Enemy by Rage Against the Machine

Guerilla Radio by RAtM

One of a Kind by Weathers

ok Im giving myself one more, this has to be at least a little exclusive of a club

It's Golden Hour Somewhere by Lovejoy

4, a lyric you like

half-joke answer: "You dont mind the sex, but you mind the gender / And I am sorry for the fact that your child is a transgender" in Ready by The Oozes, that line fucks

real answer: "We are all walking eachother home" in Family by Mother Mother. see question 30 for why this lyric fucking stabs me in the chest and squeezes the feelings out of my heart.

10, how do you listen to music

crucify me but i use spotify lmao, though if that app doesnt get its shit together soon im looking at alternatives. my familys got a group subscription, so its not like im fucking over spotify by not using it, so i just go with it lmao. i usually use airpods just cause my brother has about 4 of them (killing him with a rock) and i stole them cause my earbuds broke and the spares disappeared. as soon as im able, im moving back to wired earbuds, the audio quality on these makes me wanna cry

13, playlist name without context

nickel collection

21, favorite album

you cruel, cruel god moss, you make me choose between my children yet again. ok im choosing ONE, lemme think even harder...

ok Euthanasia by Stray From the Path. theres not a single bad song here, it ramps up into fucking Ladder Work, that song is a godamned *capstone* of a song dude. it covers a lotta aspects of why the world sucks major ass, corps, cops, half-hearted liberals, the military, and it all fits together, and it all leads into Ladder Work... ok if theres one thing you take from this, please listen to Ladder Work. this album makes me wanna kill a cop, i love it so much

30, a song that makes you nostalgic

this is on the nose as hell, but Goodbye to my Friends by Weathers. Its really reminiscent of my music taste back when I was in england, where i was before my friend group became separated across 4 continents :[ its lyrics are also really accurate to how i feel about the whole thing, moving and all that. good song 0/10 makes me cry