#goes for men and women

[pennywise-fucker]

I see a lot of posts about "Stop dating people while you're damaged, heal yourself first" which can be all well and good

But

Stop choosing damaged people if you aren't ready to be with a damaged person. They tell you they've been cheated on and struggle with trust? Don't be with them if it would be an issue to help heal them.

They tell you they've been hit a lot and raised voices gives them a panic attack? Don't be with them if you're going to be upset over them crying when you throw a fit and start yelling over losing a game .

They tell you they need a lot of physical affection, or less physical affection, due to trauma? If you can't understand or deal with that, they aren't for you.

And you also never have to stay. Period.

But stop choosing people with damage if you're going to be mad at them for being damaged. As long as they're trying to heal, you can either be there or not, but don't blame them when they tell you exactly what you're getting into.

[dirtytransmasc]

the men and boys are innocent too.

we cry "the innocent women and children" to appeal to the masses, to try and force their sympathy, but the men and boys are innocent too.

I have seen sons crying out for their mothers, their fathers, their siblings. I have seen them break down at the loss of their families. I have seen them cling to their dead and grieve.

I have seen fathers cradle their dead children, seen them kiss their faces and hold their little hands. I have seen them faint with grief when asked to identify the dead. I have seen them carry their sons and daughters. I have seen them fasting to provide what little they can for their families.

I have seen men and boys digging through the rubble with just their bare hands, I have seen them comforting strangers, playing with children, rocking them, hushing them, even if the face of such imminent danger. I have seen them cry, seen them grieve, seen them break down into each other's arms, seen them be selfless, beyond selfless, becoming something I don't have a word for.

I have seen the men who are doctors refuse to leave their patients, even when they have no medicine or supplies to give them, even when they're threatened with bombings. I have seen fathers who have lost all their children pick orphans up into their arms and proclaim them their child so they are not alone. I have seen men and boys digging pets out of the rubble.

the men are innocent too. the men and boys are being hurt and killed too. the men and boys are grieving too. the men and boys are scared too. the men and boys are fighting to save their people too. the men and boys deserve to be fought for too.

[lostryu]

once again i am crawling out of my den to tell you all that if someone says “women” on a post, and your thoughts automatically jump to “they must be excluding trans women” you do not think trans women are women.

like just saying, your default of women clearly does not include trans women. otherwise you wouldn’t get so tilted if someone says ‘women’ and not ‘women and trans women’. you are acting like trans women are a subset of actual women and it’s disgusting.

and if you wanna cry terf psy-op or whatever, let me be very frank when i say that you need to grow up. its not people’s responsibility to have a huge disclaimer on every post to pander to your lack of critical thought.

[ruhlare]

i don't like it when someone is easy to reach. when someone is open to everyone, when literally anyone can get their attention. it is a question of values ​​and principles not to be open to everyone and not to have the need for everyone's attention. people who are easily available won't value soulful connections.

[radmystique]

Ending no fault divorce isn’t going to go the way men want it to. Every woman that’s not married atm that I’ve spoken to about this has said they’ll NEVER get married if it goes away. In fact, I even caution women not to get married currently now that the topic is a debate. What happens if they get married now and in two years time no fault divorce is struck down and the dude they married turns out to be a POS??? It’s better to be safe then sorry.

[saint-ambrosef]

everyone wants to make fun of "im not like other girls" and "im only friends with boys" kind of girls and accuse them of being pick-mes, but nobody is ready for the conversation about how that kind of attitude often originates in girls who have been ostracized, ridiculed, and traumatized by other women in their lives due to toxic feminine culture.

[bioethicists]

trans ppl, particularly trans women, aren't allowed to be people. they get held up as trans first + foremost so everything about them must be a consequence of their transness.

there are thousands, millions even, of misogynistic cis women. of cis women with shitty, essentialist takes on gender. of vain cruel creepy rude vapid selfish ignorant cis women. these traits in cis women are either dismissed as individual flaws or even held up as somehow liberating or radical by neoliberal feminism.

in trans women, these traits are held up as Proof of their contamination by Maleness, rather than a consequence of living in a misogynistic society which is by no means unique to trans ppl.

[jade-len]

i adore how mxtx sorta flipped the idea on the whole top/bottom thing with svsss, and just BL relationships in general.

making bingqiu very open to switching, not making the "bottom" super feminine and actually leaning more to the handsome side compared to the "top", how luo binghe is manipulative sensitive and cries easily, etc. one of the main themes in svsss is literally about sexuality (and possibly even about gender roles).

as a queer asian man myself, i absolutely despise the "yaoi archetype" and it was one of the reasons why i avoided consuming BL media. hell, years ago when i first saw heavens official blessing, i mentally groaned and went, "ugh, let me guess, the bottom is super feminine and innocent, while the top is masculine and experienced." of course, that's not the case now, but it's disappointing how that thought was there purely because of the god awful way fetish-y media portrays homosexual people and couples. because, believe it or not, we are not assigned male/female typical gender roles just because one likes to top/bottom (and even then, it's not even like that! some people have preferences, sure, but it's not so strictly "i'm top/bottom")

so, while i absolutely LOVE the english novel designs (especially luo binghe's cute curly hair, gongyi xiao, etc, and personally believe a lot of the takes from the western artist on the designs are an improvement), i am greatly saddened by people subconsciously assigning shen qingqiu as someone more delicate and feminine and luo binghe as someone super masculine and muscly. like, if you're going to have luo binghe depicted as the western design (i believe this stems from binghe being applied to more western ideals for men, and, admittedly, i actually really love his design), at least don't make shen qingqiu feminine and delicate? don't have his appearance play into the stupid yaoi thing?

i get that people have different takes on svsss, especially how the western version depicts it. but, people just... seem to very over exaggerate the top/bottom roles when it comes to bingqiu (again, these two are, canonically, VERY open to switching).

it's weird, it's uncomfortable, and it comes across as, "so, who wears the pants in the relationship?"

so, can we please have more canonically handsome shen qingqiu? canonically beautiful and pretty boy luo binghe (they literallly state that binghe looks EXACTLY like his mom, su xiyan! while a more handsome woman, is still very beautiful!! plus it is stated several times that binghe is slim, and that shang qinghua made him that way!) or at the very least, a BL couple who actually look like normal people (ok thats a little hard considering binghe is literally supposed to be perfect) and not just a stupid fetishized version of themselves.

and no, i'm not saying that queer men shouldn't be feminine or men who are feminine shouldn't be in a relationship with guys who are masculine, etc.

TLDR: please stop twinkifying shen qingqiu and going against what mxtx defied for us queer men (the stupid yaoi roles). and for the love of whoever you believe in, do NOT think that i hate the english design or people's personal interpretation of characters, i just hate the subconscious assigning of gender roles to bingqiu and how media portrays and fetishizes LGBTQ+ relationships in general.

edit: also i love teardrew's (check them out on twitter!) interpretation of shang qinghua. while i do really like the the eng novel design's tiny scared hamster vibes, teardrew's version just radiates "up to no good, paranoid but suspicious looking bitch" rat man and i love it so so so much. i'm not gonna repost their art bc i don't know how they feel about that but perhaps you can search up "svsss designs" on here, you'll see it pop up eventually lol.

edit 2 (1/16): i just saw someone reblog a post (that im pretty sure was referring to this one because, well, if you saw it i think it'd be a little clear kahxj) that was about how bingqiu switching and completely eschewing traditional top/bottom dynamics was a fandom idea or smth? so now i'm wondering, since i swear i remember that they were open to switching, but it's just that sqq preferred to bottom and/or was just a little too lazy to top. plus, sqq is a pretty unreliable narrator who says he doesn't want something one moment and then he does. how could he say no to bingbing? esp if he seems to wanna try bottoming too. perhaps i'm mixing things up though, idk? so if anyone can find that passage that says he only and strictly wants to bottom or whatever please show me! but i think the point of this post still stands haha (i wanted to ask about it, actually, but when i clicked on the og post's user it turned out that they blocked me ? so that was a little surprising oops. hey if ur somehow reading this, im... sorry for making you want to block me bc of this post? akdhxjj)

[lilybug-02]

Hey lily, how're you doing with the current "Texas situation"? Because that shit is so fuckin dumb

Greg Abbot is a piece of shit Governor. Literally so many things are going wrong in Texas that I didn't even know what you were referring to. I looked up the news and currently its about the Texas-Mexican Border Dispute. [News Article]

"The fight between Texas and the federal government over the control of the US-Mexico border has further intensified after state governor Greg Abbott announced he will defy the Biden administration and US supreme court by ordering the installation of even more razor wire to deter migration." - Erum Salam, 26 Jan. 2024

Due to this, the Texas authorities actively allowed a woman and her two children to drown in the Rio Grande this month with witnesses. It is disciple to hear such disgusting acts in my state and they are not the only deaths. Many have died from being caught in the barbed wire or shot. Horrific things like this are not uncommon to hear about in these border areas. I do not want to scare people with this information, but I think it is important to understand.

RAICES is a good Texas-based nonprofit to donate for as they provide many free and low-cost services to immigrant children, families, and refugees.

[macbethz]

yeah i dont rlly care about genderbends unless theyre doing something particularly interesting *imagines character but butch* holy shit

[brazilian-whalien52]

Scenes that made queer people realize they live in a world full of straights

[femmesandhoney]

male socialization is wild to me because when men deviate it by generally being nice to women and then get womens attention by being friendly and normal to us other men get mad and punish them for it bc they're actually meant to be domineering, rude, and misogynistic to us and if a man doesn't do that they're either gay or trying to unassumingly get with one of the women. like it blows mens minds that they can actually try and be normal and nice to women for no sexual gain, and then they punish men for deviating from it. they're like we see you're getting female attention without abusing the women?? thats wrong and also we hate u for it. like jesus men are so fucked up as a whole.

[trans-androgyne]

Considering the cis radfem I just saw in the transandrophobia tag, I’d like to remind everyone that no radical feminism is safe for trans people, no matter how “inclusive” it may try to portray itself. An example from the post itself:

Calling a penis a weapon is a classic awful radfem move; that certainly doesn’t sound like feminism inclusive of trans women to me. A body part is not a weapon. Their take is that trans women/transfems were raised male and are therefore permanently more likely to Do Bad Things (especially harming folks afab), so again just a regular TERF talking point. Block them and spread awareness as always.

[uter-us]

heartbreaking reminder that male feminists aren't the "good ones" or "walking green flags" or inherently safe or whatever :( heart breaks for her; be cautious of all men. every last one

(another example of why I believe women. cuz "feminist" men assault too)

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

Fanon Niffty: baby, innocent cinnamon roll, Alastor's daughter(for some reason??)

Canon Niffty: an entire adult ass woman who's canonically a pervert/fujo who's into cnc and a huge masochist

[cuntstable]

its like if youre gonna use sa as a repeat Thing that happens in your story, thats more or less an inescabable thing for the characters (particularily women) in it then one would hope you as the author would have like something to say about the subject. like maybe a point to make about it or the lasting trauma of it or the process of recovering from it. if the characters it keeps happening to just sort of freak out and then move on OR their struggles with it are off screen while the actual assault was shown in full detail then idk. is it worth putting in there? death and hell on you as a writer