#going around the neighborhood and ig trying to sell something

[saetoru]

one thing about me is that i just don’t open the door ever if i don’t know the person

[daesungfmd]

hello! i’m peyton, but you can call me pey for short if you’d like; either is fine by me. i’ve only recently returned to tumblr rp, so i’m still getting back into the swing of things! please....... be patient with me in the meantime. anyway, i’m going to be writing for impulse’s lead vocal  &  rapper, hwang daesung! go ahead and leave a  ♡  if you’re interested in plotting with us and i’ll send you an im asap!

private profile  /  idol profile  /  plots  /  pinterest

daesung is originally from the neighborhood of samcheong in seoul. his mom owns a small salon there, which is where he spent the majority of his time while he was growing up (and where he still spends a lot of his free time nowadays, tbh). 

he doesn’t have any siblings  &  his dad passed away when he was twelve, so it was just him, his mom and the stray cats that they fed. they struggled quite a bit in these times and daesung’s mom often considered selling the salon, but daesung refused to let that happen. he didn’t ask for a whole lot because he didn’t want to make her feel bad.

but! he’s always been very deeply interested in music  —  stems a little from memories of just sitting in the family car with his dad and sharing music as well as listening to a busker who frequently performed near his school.

wanted to be a rockstar, which definitely irritated his mom. she wanted to be supportive, but she also wanted him to succeed in life  &  knew how hard it would be for him to make something like that come true.

regardless, she kept buying him the cds, record players, records, guitars, etc that he asked for around his birthday and the holidays because he never wanted anything else.

a series of strong-willed fights resulted in daesung’s mom finally allowing him to audition for companies. after many rejections, he found his home at gold star entertainment.

he became a trainee in early 2012—so when he was 15—and two years later, he debuted with impulse. during this time, he became estranged from his mother, but after debuting, he began to get closer to her again.

he stayed outwardly optimistic during his time as a trainee, but he didn’t exactly love it and his health was on a steady decline, both physically and mentally. there were times when he wanted to back out because he didn’t want to be an idol, he wanted to be a rock musician, but... he had too much pride to go back home. so he stayed.

during next: origin story, daesung’s poor dancing skills  &  unfaltering confidence had him framed as an arrogant boy with no shame; furthermore, he was said to be dumb because of how many times certain things had to be explained to him. towards the end of the show, he was able to redeem himself a bit, though.

to be fair............... he is kind of dumb. promoted as the ~4d type~, but it’s not like that image was pulled out of thin air --- he’s more or less the same on and off camera, can’t really differentiate between his work persona and his actual self. the best way i can describe it is that it’s really obvious that he isn’t book/traditionally smart, but he’s intelligent in other ways: emotionally, first and foremost. 

anyway! in impulse, the shameless and dense aspects of his personality that the public had already met were molded into a new, more likeable persona... although more likeable is still up for debate. during the debut era, he was very loud, a little too honest, always trying to crack a joke  &  steal the show.

in his most ridiculous shenanigan so far... he has a nervous habit of scratching his head (also does this when he’s embarrassed  —  i.e, when someone’s making fun of him) and fans made a compilation of the clips. he took it much further than he should have and made a statement without running it past management about how he’d been scratching because he had lice. never actually had lice, but fans began gifting him with copious amounts of lice shampoo, hair trimmers, plastic gloves, hairnets, etc. management was definitely fed up with him over this... but he found it hilarious.

impulse debuted nearly  7  years ago, so he has toned down his behavior a bit... or maybe the public’s just gotten more used to it? it’s hard to be shocked by him now ‘cause the public’s already seen it all. seen as the kind of idol who has no shame whatsoever.

i intend to push him towards variety whether he likes it or not. he really, really wants to act, but the company’s quite adamant about not letting him do that (for one good reason: he sucks at acting)... so maybe variety’s the next best thing? he certainly doesn’t want to be reduced to the few osts he’s done, anyway. </3

he doesn’t hate being an idol. it isn’t what he wanted, but all things considered, he doesn’t think it’s that bad, either. impulse’s music is a lot better now than it was when they debuted, he’s made a lot of friends who he never would’ve otherwise met  &  he likes to be known/liked. kinda indifferent about the idol status ig.

for more general facts about daesung... he’s quite the social butterfly. he has many friends, but i imagine that he doesn’t have very many close ones. partially because he doesn’t tend to spend too much time with individuals  &  partially because it’s hard to break past the superficial layer with him. his fans will claim that he’s the most genuine guy around, but when you actually know him, the constant grin and jokes become a bit unnerving. especially when it’s obvious that he’s not doing well, but refuses to speak about his feelings.

but once he deems someone trustworthy, he’s the king of oversharing. he’s a very open book, will tell you anything you wanna know if he knows that you actually care.

he’s a very affectionate guy, whether he’s close to someone or not. he thinks the world could definitely use some more love (and he’s seen first-hand that idols tend to be the angstiest mfs around), so he’s always looking for a way to brighten someone’s day or at least get the tiniest smile out of ‘em. with people he is close to, he’s usually pretty touchy; likes to hug his friends, rub their backs, ruffle their hair, etc, but his affection is also shown through words of affirmation! if you need an ego boost, he’s here to provide it. thinks his friends are the absolute coolest. with people he’s not close to, he tends to crack jokes to break the ice, try to talk about their interests, pay attention to whatever they have to say. gives spontaneous gifts to friends and acquaintances. likes to spend time with people, too, whether he knows them well or he’s just starting to.

he says “i love you” like it’s his life’s motto. calls up his friends when he’s drunk like, “you know that i love you, right? i really love you. so much... damn. i miss you!!! i love you and i miss you! please come back to me!!!” aka it starts out innocent enough but then he starts sounding like a crazy ex. no worries, though, it’s just your good ol’ friend daesung acting like a fool because it’s been a week since he last saw you. <3

makes spontaneous phonecalls. if he has your number in his phone, he’s definitely called you a handful of times — even if you’re a virtual stranger. i imagine there are plenty of people who’ve probably blocked his number at this point.

he’s interested in fashion, but if he said this aloud, it would be treated as a shocking statement. nothing that he wears is ever in trend. most of his outfits are inspired by ‘90′s fashion, but even taking that into consideration, hardly anyone ever thinks he looks good other than himself. his neon-toned bucket hats, excessively tie-dyed clothes  &  gaudy accessories result in him getting clowned a lot. it’s very obvious when he dresses himself....... probably not even allowed to pick his own airport clothes.

mcs have joked that he even manages to make expensive brands look cheap with how he styles them. kind of hurts his feelings but it’s okay. <3

he’s super into skateboarding. he didn’t start until after impulse debuted, but he’s gotten pretty good at it with how much he practices in his spare time. has a collection of unique boards  &  even has his apartment decorated with some furniture made from decks. some fans have definitely met him at skateparks before.

believes in the most outrageous conspiracies  —  say what you want, but you can’t change his mind about anything. he thinks that aliens are indeed real (and already walking the earth), he thinks that the government consists of people who are not entirely human, he thinks that there’s a huge chance that this world is only a simulation, he thinks that all cryptids are Definitely real (mothman, bigfoot, nightcrawlers, etc) and so on. i suggest not letting him get going about this because he can def sound a little crazy.

specialties: reciting quotes but always getting one word Terribly wrong, misusing and mispronouncing words, getting under everyone’s skin without even really having to try, slapstick humor and making 30 second stories feel 3 hours long.

[shrimppebbles]

Through the Generations

there’s probably another challenge named this, but I am not good at names, so I’m keeping it

*this challenge is currently unfinished as I am play testing it and fell into a rut, but feel free to start from this point*

this challenge is a free forming challenge meant for me to hopefully enjoy the sims more and have structured legacy that I like without anything that seems to hard. this legacy can be bended however you want and the gens played in whatever order you want (each gen however has a backstory and will not work if you switch them around, so create your own backstory if you switch generations around) there are a lot of pack requirements I didn’t intend to make, but you can skip those or modify them to your will.

Also, feel free to play with siblings and such to make fun family trees, just make sure to have “auto-age current household only” on!

we’ll get into all the rules below the cut to make it neat, but incase I ever delete my tumblr or it gets deactivated, HERE is a google doc of the rules too 

@sims4challenges​ @ts4-challengenet​

Some Basics before we get into the Generations

Heirs are whoever you choose unless specified 

You can give the next generation however much of the family funds of the current generation as you choose

Piggy-backing off of that, unless specified you can use however many funds you want to build/buy new lots

You can create sims to be your spouse and add them into the world unless specified

Any lifespan length is fine, although regular is recommended

Start each gen at young adult unless specified 

You can have pets in any generation unless otherwise specified

You can have same-sex or hetero couples per each generation (your choice). In same-sex couples, you may adopt or use a mod that will allow try for baby and pregnancy between them

and lastly...have fun and please tag me if you play or use the tag #ThrGen, I’d love to see it!

Generation one: A Big Happy Family 

family oriented, [your choice], [your choice]

any family aspiration

You grew into young adulthood with absolutely no-one, no siblings or parents, it’s not something you would wish onto your worst enemies, let alone your own family. You vow to make a large, happy family for your own children and never want to lead a boring life for your kids

Marry one of the first sims your spouse meets

Have 10 children (you can use mods if you wish, but just replacing them as they move out is fine)

You can live in whichever world you want, just pick the biggest lot of that respective world

Paint, write, or any other work from home job (your spouse may hold a part-time job or do the same)

Max the parenting, cooking, and charisma skills

Grow a nice little veggie garden

Have good relationship with all children

Most of your children should have the happy toddler trait and at least one positive character trait

Generation two: Work, Work, Work

 [your choice], [your choice], [your choice]

fabulously wealthy aspiration

You didn’t hate growing up in a full, loud house, but you saw how much your parents sacrificed of their own freedom and ambitions for you and you never want your family to come in between your dreams and you like that. So you move to the city to build up a career for yourself completely kid free.

Move to San Myshuno, working from a small apartment up to a penthouse

Reach level ten in either the Business or Politician careers (you can pick which branch)

Take any career opportunities the game offers you

Only after you reach the top of your career can you look for a serious relationship (you can have one night hook ups here and there if you wish, just nothing serious)

The only way you can intentionally boost fun is by listening to the radio or watching the television

Have a child with your spouse once you complete your aspiration (this should be into adulthood, the older you are the better)

Only have one child building a strong relationship with them and spoiling them rotten

If you or your spouse dies of old age, the respective partner should also die in some manner shortly after (to set up for the next gen)

Generation three: All on my Own?

snobby, [your choice] , [your choice]

start with whatever aspiration you think fits, but change it to and complete the Friend of The Animals aspiration

With the sudden passing of both your parents, you have no idea what do with yourself and how to live on your own. In a rash decision, you sell the penthouse and all it’s belongings. You blow through all this money quite quickly on drinks and gambling until you have barely enough money to move out to a small house on the coast (you will probably need to cheat this, just cheat it down to 20,000). There you try to find yourself and make a life for your new normal. After job after job, you notice the amount of strays in the area, which inspires you to open a small family clinic

Do as the description above says, only starting once both of your parents are dead

Move to Brindleton Bay

“Try” (you can just work at them for a couple days) three different jobs before deciding to open a small vet clinic

adopt at least five animals over the course of your life

You can meet your spouse wherever (perhaps the clinic) and have 2 children with them

Take your children on trips to different parks, museums, etc., every week

Max the pet training and veterinary skills

Generation four: The Nuclear Family

athletic, paranoid, [your choice]

strangerville mystery aspiration and successful lineage aspiration 

Your parents always encouraged you to pursue what you wanted, but also encouraged economic conscious and independence. Not sure what you want to do, you enlist in the army and move to StrangerVille, trying to figure out what you want, but as your there, you get enveloped into what’s going on

As a teen, have a part time job

move into the trailer park in StrangerVille

Enlist in the Military

Complete the StrangerVille Mystery aspiration

After finally taking down The Mother, you are finally able to decipher what you wanted, a Writer. You leave your position in the military and pick up a job at the local paper (the writer career), where you tell your stories of your adventures and other strange happenings in Strangerville. At the paper, you meet your spouse and settle down to have a few children with them. But still feeling unsatisfied, you find solace in a stranger at a bar and do things very questionable as a married sim.

Move to the Suburbs of StrangerVille

Become a writer and choose the Journalism path

Meet your spouse at work

Have 3 children (preferably at least one boy and one girl)

Cheat on your spouse with someone you meet at the bar (this can be a one time thing or a continuous theme)

Complete the Successful Lineage Aspiration

Max the Writing Skill

Generation five:  Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

green fiend, perfectionist, [your choice]

Eco Innovator Aspiration 

Sensing something was always off in your parents marriage, you wanted everything else in life to be perfectly in your control to balance it out. One of the biggest problems that seemed to be out of your control however, was the environment and the negative impacts of it, until you learned about a little town on the coast, Evergreen Harbor. There people of your similar mind lived and coexisted, working on creating a community of a better environment. So, soon after your eighteenth birthday, you pack your bags and move. 

Move to Evergreen Harbor

Always live in a tiny home, the smaller, the better

Grow a garden of at least ten different plants

Go into the Civil Designer Career, specifically the Green Technician Branch (you can also choose the conservationist career, just cheat the aspiration go

Concerned about their environmental impacts, have only one child, you can either by adopt or a have a one night stand resulting in a child ( you can be in contact and be in a relationship with the child’s parent, but they should not live with you) 

Have at least fifteen renewable energy sources

Make your neighborhood (and maybe others!) the cleanest it can be

Generation six:  Paintings of Cityscapes

creative, loves the outdoors, [your choice]

 pick painter extraordinaire aspiration, but also complete “friend of the world” along the way

Growing up with a single parent, your life was a little interesting, but never dim or unloved. Growing up in Evergreen Harbor gave you access to many interesting and cool people who shaped your view of the world and it’s beauty (Rory and Lorelai Gilmore type vibe ig?). Interested in broadening your world view, you move yourself all the way to the big city to pursue a career in arts. There you meet all sorts of people 

Move to San Myshuno, try moving into the smallest apartment possible, make it into a studio/loft and live there for as long as possible

Meet all your friends at art galleries and karaoke bars

go to as many festivals as possible, trying to paint and photograph them as much as possible

Max the Charisma and Painting skills

Never to boggled to settle down, have at least two children to at least two different people, preferably “casual” friends

Never live in an apartment bigger than what you need in the name of being unique (basically no mega big apartments and penthouses)

Marry as a elder to your highest romantic partner

Take your kids on trips to art galleries and such every week

You should have an extra stock pile of money, don’t spend it on stuff you don’t need

Generation seven:  A Higher Degree

genius, [your choice], [your choice]

Academic aspiration and then whichever aspiration you think fits

Living with your eccentric parent in a tiny apartment with your siblings, at times, felt quite odd and claustrophobic, but your parent always introduced you to new people and new places that widened the lens of what you could do in your life. With the help of your parent, who put away any extra dollar they could so that you and your siblings could to go to college and pursue your passion, you apply for university and move into the dorms. 

Go to University and get a degree in Psychology, History, or Literature and Language

Join at least one student organization

Meet your spouse while in university (they can be attending or you just meet them somewhere on campus)

Have a big graduation party with all your friends and classmates

Marry your partner soon after graduation

Pursue a career related to your major

Max your Logic and Research & Debate skills

I will add  more to this as I get here 

[verotms]

。·   .   ˙ ☀  ⌈   taylor   hill   +   cis   female   +   she   /   her   +   the   wayfarer   ⌋   yo   ,   have   you   meet   that   POGUE   ,   𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐚   𝐤𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬   ,   yet   ?   —   no   ?   well   ,   to   give   you   a   little   heads   up   before   you   do   ,   they’re   a   TWENTY-TWO   year   old,   CON   ARTIST   &   WAITSTAFF   AT   THE   COSTON   CLUBHOUSE   and   have   been   living   in   coston   for   TWO   MONTHS   .   since   i’ve   known   them   ,   they’ve   reminded   me   of   𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐝   𝐛𝐢𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐢   𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐬   𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠   𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠   𝐭𝐚𝐧   𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬   ,   𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭   𝐨𝐟   𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝   𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐬   ,   𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐝   𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐬   𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠   𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞   𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧   𝐲𝐨𝐮   𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝   𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞   ,   𝐞𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐜   𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬   𝐨𝐟   𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐭   𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐩   𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐬   ,   𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠   𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫   𝐚𝐥𝐥   𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞   𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠   𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐞   𝐨𝐟   𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟   𝐚𝐭   𝐭𝐡𝐞   𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞   𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞   .   usually   they’re   quite   𝑣𝑖𝑏𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑡   &   𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒   but   just   make   sure   you   keep   an   eye   out   for   them   around   town   because   i   heard   can   be   quite  𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑎𝑐𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠   &   𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡   as   well   so   here’s   hoping   they   aren’t   the   ones   to   undo   this   whole   peace   pact   they   have   going   on   this   summer   .   but   just   between   you   &   me   ,   i   kinda   hope   it   all   falls   apart   .   the   rivalry   keeps   this   whole   boring   town   interesting   .

gonna   make   these   some   short   bullets   to   speed   up   the   process   bc   i   just   want   these   DONE   AND   OUT

vero   was   born   to   a   teen   mom   in   some   buttfuck   florida   town   that   had   nothing   going   for   her   ,   they   were   pretty   much   just   them   two   doing   what   they   could   with   what   they   had   .   they   lived   in   a   little   greek   neighborhood   and   young   veronica   spent   most   of   her   childhood   being   handed   off   from   babysitting   neighbor   to   neighbor   pretty   free   range   while   her   mom   worked   full   time   to   try   and   finish   school   and   provide   for   her   kid   .   literally   the   definition   of   “   it   takes   a   village   .   “      

when   she   was   about   4   ,   her   mom   decided   she   wanted   a   change   of   pace   and   spent   all   of   vero’s   college   fund   set   up   by   her   grandparents   to   buy   an   rv   .   it   was   a   move   that   got   her   cut   off   from   their   support   and   left   vero   with   a   childhood   that   ,   while   the   instability   would   show   its   later   effects   ,   led   to   her   having   the   time   of   her   life   .

her   mom   took   her   through   the   entire   US   ,   homeschooling   her   and   making   money   off   of   conning   whatever   poor   sap   gave   her   the   time   of   day   .   it   was   an   example   that   she   always   told   vero   to   ignore   ,   “   we   only   do   this   because   we   need   to   ,   “   but   built   a   foundation   that   the   impressionable   child   would   never   be   able   to   let   go   of   .

they   stay   put   long   enough   for   vero   to   get   high   school   knocked   out   ,   though   it’s   at   five   different   schools   over   the   course   of   four   years   as   her   mom   can   never   hold   an   honest   job   down   long   enough   to   keep   them   stable   .   at   the   pushes   and   prods   of   getting   to   know   her   heritage   ,   her   mom   begrudgingly   hauls   them   back   to   florida   the   summer   after   vero   finishes   high   school   and   reintroduces   her   to   a   family   she   hasn’t   seen   in   nearly   15   years   .   at   the   question   of   wanting   to   know   her   dad   ,   as   it   turns   out   ,   he   was   the   child   of   a   formidable   oil   family   in   southern   florida   that   had   come   into   quite   a   sum   of   money   .   vero   ,   against   her   family’s   wishes   ,   reaches   out   to   him   in   an   attempt   to   figure   something   out   about   herself   and   her   background   ,   and   to   her   surprise   ,   he’s   actually   excited   to   meet   her   .

he   has   a   whole   other   family   but   he   asks   just   for   a   little   patience   while   he   figures   out   how   to   tell   them   everything   .   he’s   kind   and   generous   and   pretty   great   of   a   dude   for   having   never   known   he   had   fathered   a   child   with   a   simple   hookup   he   had   had   in   his   youth   considering   they   went   to   different   schools   and   she   ghosted   him   afterwards   .   vero’s   truly   ready   to   settle   down   for   once   and   start   a   life   with   the   family   she   had   finally   gotten   ,   until   her   mom   reaches   out   in   dire   need   of   money   after   crashing   the   RV   following   a   night   of   recklessness   .   vero   ,   getting   a   cold   slap   to   reality   of   the   life   she   had   grown   up   knowing   ,   realizes   she’ll   probably   never   be   suited   for   the   lifestyle   her   dad   wants   her   to   join   him   in   ,   and   relapses   into   what   she   knows   .   she   steals   a   sizable   amount   of   money   and   other   things   from   him   ,   disappearing   in   the   middle   of   the   night   from   the   home   he   had   opened   up   to   her   and   drops   off   enough   money   to   her   mom   to   help   her   get   by   —   making   this   the   last   she   ever   sees   of   her   .

she   buys   a   beat   up   vintage   hatchback   and   hightails   it   out   of   florida   ,   spending   no   longer   than   6   months   in   any   given   place   .   she   works   small   odd   jobs   and   spends   her   days   lounging   in   the   sun   and   spending   nights   performing   raggedy   90’s   karaoke   covers   and   pouring   shots   into   the   mouths   of   random   bar   -   goers   ,   charming   the   pants   off   just   about   anyone   who   gives   her   the   time   of   day   ,   usually   making   off   with   their   wallet   or   earning   herself   a   sugar   parent   for   a   week   or   so   who   lavishes   her   in   gifts   .   it’s   not   a   lifestyle   she   particularly   enjoys   ,   to   be   honest   ;   her   dream   would   be   to   be   an   artist   and   own   her   own   trinket   store   to   occupy   her   time   ,   keeping   her   for   once   in   one   place   .   but   swindling   people   is   all   she   knows   ,   and   part   of   her   identity   is   the   freedom   of   having   nothing   to   tie   her   down   —   admittedly   ,   a   lifestyle   she   doesn’t   see   herself   letting   go   of   any   time   soon   .

so   here   she   is   in   coston   ,   taking   up   a   job   in   the   swanky   coston   clubhouse   where   she   gets   hit   on   by   more   older   men   with   money   than   she   knows   what   to   do   with   .   she   spends   her   afternoons   on   the   beach   chatting   up   whoever   glances   her   way   and   spending   her   nights   in   a   shoddy   beat   up   apartment   she   pays   on   a   month   by   month   lease   .   two   months   isn’t   much   by   normal   standards   ,   but   she’s   feeling   herself   grow   comfortable   in   coston   in   a   way   she   hasn’t   felt   in   many   places   beyond   that   —   something   the   kook   /   pogue   divide   threatens   to   ruin   for   her   and   send   her   packing   promptly   the   moment   something   goes   wrong   .

personality   wise   ,   vero   has   a   rather   laid   back   ,   enthusiastic   personality   and   is   the   type   of   talker   who   could   sell   ice   to   a   snowman   .   astute   and   observant   despite   a   hippie   -   dippie   disposition   ,   she   gives   the   illusion   of   no   attention   payed   while   she’s   secretly   analyzing   where   in   your   pockets   you   keep   your   wallet   ,   how   often   you   look   at   your   phone   ,   what   your   insecurities   are   ,   etc   ,   and   figuring   out   exactly   how   to   capitalize   off   of   that   .   though   she’s   opportunistic   ,   she’s   got   a   heart   enough   to   not   take   advantage   of   most   people   in   precarious   situations   —   though   her   judgement   has   definitely   been   skewed   before   :(

serial   liar   and   never   gets   called   out   for   it   bc   she   never   stays   in   one   place   long   enough   kkwjherjwr   but   lies   about   simple   things   like   what   her   plans   are   or   if   she’s   already   had   lunch   literally   just   lies   for   no   good   reason   ?   just   has   this   unhealthy   concept   that   if   she   tells   people   everything   about   herself   she’s   gonna   get   screwed   over   somehow   so   she   wants   2   be   the   one   screwing   others   over   first   ?   trust   issues   ig

not   a   bad   person   if   she   would   stop   just   being   unreliable   lmao   !   she’s   truly   very   easygoing   and   has   a   natural   disposition   that   wants   to   make   those   around   her   feel   good   ,   very   nurturing   in   a   sense   ?   if   y’all   saw   hustlers   —   ramona   ,   looks   out   for   others   and   makes   them   feel   important   but   at   the   end   of   the   day   she’s   looking   out   for   herself   almost   exclusively   .   it’s   not   that   she   wants   to   be   selfish   ,   if   anything   ,   she   wishes   she   could   feel   secure   enough   to   let   herself   stay   close   to   people   and   put   down   roots   .   she’s   just   had   a   pretty   shitty   experience   letting   people   in   and   doesn’t   want   to   subject   herself   to   the   unknowns   of   investing   in   other   people   .   despite   being   pretty   detached   and   emotionally   uninvested   ,   she   has   a   warm   ,   calming   demeanor   that   balances   out   even   the   most   combative   of   personalities   .

idol   is   90’s   gwen   stefani   (   she   has   a   early   no   doubt   cover   band   that   performs   at   a   local   bar   on   friday   nights   just   for   her   to   have   something   to   do   KWJEHRJWER   )   and   twiggy   ,   her   apartment   is   full   of   those   little   beaded   door   things   that   hang   in   the   doorway   ,   will   braid   her   bangs   out   of   the   way   when   working   on   a   project   and   looks   a   whole   ass   mess   ,   is   a   pretty   talented   artist   and   bases   her   work   ,   whether   paintings   ,   sculptures   ,   or   sketches   ,   off   of   her   experiences   traveling   ,   has   a   minidoodle   she   picked   up   off   the   road   somewhere   in   georgia   named   tate   who   goes   everywhere   he   can   with   her   .

[turtle-steverogers]

race is a flat earther and al wants to die

when i planned this fic this morning it was a lot more stupid and shit

but then this happened

so im sorry ig

warnings: none really. but angst kinda ig sorta

ship: ehhhhhh ralbert....

word count: 1030 how satisfying

His hand was wrapped tightly around the steering wheel, eyes trained on the road ahead of him, only flicking away every so often to check the rearview mirror.  It was nighttime, meaning it was easy to lose oneself in the daunting shadows of the streets, threatening to pull you under with its strength.  

Silence suffocated the atmosphere as it had often done in the past few months.  Lips stuck together, struggling to make conversation though it had once been easy.  Two hearts that had once been adjoined drifting apart by the second.  Was it a blessing or a curse?  A relief or a burden?  The answers were unclear, but they had a mutual understanding of the shared feeling.  Whatever they had was drawing to a close.  It was weirdly sickening.  Disheartening.  Feeling the grasp of something so strong slipping between their fingertips as their hands that once gripped the other’s so tight barely brushed at the edges.  It was like holding water in open hands.  

They drove in circles around their town, their stomachs full from dinner.  It was Valentine’s day and almost out of sheer obligation, and partly from literal desire, they’d decided upon a date night.  It had been a while since they had done something together, anyway.  

The night was going smoothly.  No petty arguments.  No fuck-ups or frayed ends fraying further.  It was almost like old times.  Almost.

They passed a road sign with a large, cheesy photo of the Earth on it, along with some stupid advertisement for water, and Race smiled sadly, brain wandering as a new memory invaded his mind.

“So, the Earth is flat.”

Albert groaned, letting his book drop to his lap as he scrubbed a hand over his face.

“You’re literally an astrophysics major,” Albert sighed, keeping his palms pressed over his eyes as he fought the impending headache that threatened his skull, “don’t come at me with this shit.”

“Oh come oooonnnn,” Race whined, “Think about it!  People all around the globe support this theory!”

Albert lifted his head, a bemused look etched on his face.  He opened and closed his mouth a few times before scrunching up his eyes and shaking his head.

Race bit back the urge to laugh, Albert’s reaction already better than he had imagined.

“Race, baby,” He sat up, guiding Race to sit down next to him and leaning forward to rub his temples, “I want you to say that last sentence again, but say it slowly.  People all around the globe support it?”

Race couldn’t help the spurt of giggles that passed his lips, his face sprouting into a giddy grin, “Sorry, babe, sorry,” he managed between laughs, noticing that Albert was watching him with an exasperatedly amused expression, “I just wanted to see your reaction.”

Albert studied him for a moment longer, then scoffed and picked his book back up, “You give me pain, love.”

Race situated himself so that he was tucked into Albert’s side and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “Yeah, but you love me, so…”

Albert’s gaze didn’t shift from his book, but his smile turned into something a little more genuine, “Yeah, I guess I do.”

The boys in the memory seemed to differ immensely from the boys who sat in the front seat of Race’s old RAV4 now.  They had been more carefree.  More open with each other.  Less scared to say something wrong.  But at the same time, more scared.  Less resilient to when his right to speak up was thwarted.  He had grown to be more guarded with himself.  To hold his ground better, despite how detrimental standing up for himself seemed to be.

They passed a train station and another memory resurfaced, the intimacy of that moment making it almost more painful.

Albert’s lips were soft against his, hands gripping his biceps as they kissed slowly.  It was well past midnight.  Long since the time when other pedestrians swarmed the area, looking to go home after a long day of work.  

They were alone, their solitude invigorating.

Albert lifted his hand, lacing his fingers into the back of Race’s hair and deepening their kiss.  They were close, warm, happy.  In love.

He wasn’t sure how long they had been there, listening to music and talking before losing themselves in each other, but it was amazing.  Every stupid, cheesy love movie made sense in that moment.  It was cliche, but real and raw and Race couldn’t be happier.

Albert pulled away and they broke apart completely, chests heaving and eyes glinting.  

Albert traced his fingers lovingly along Race’s jaw, placing another, softer kiss on his lips.  Race allowed his eyes to flutter shut again.

“My god, I’m in love with you,” Albert murmured, voice barely audible.

Race leaned his forehead against Albert’s, “I’m in love with you, too.”

Race swallowed, emotion rising in his throat.  He missed it.  He missed the long kisses and the strong embraces.  He missed them.  

The urge to reach out and take hold of Albert’s hand soon became too much to bear and he shifted his arm over the console.  He could see Albert’s look of surprise in his peripheral when he intertwined their fingers, but he stayed adamant and a moment later, he felt Albert squeeze back, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles.  Just like old times.

So why didn’t it feel like it?

He rounded the turn into Albert’s neighborhood, driving on mental autopilot to the house he’d driven to so many times.  He pulled up gradually, putting the car in park almost reluctantly.  Almost.

They sat in silence for a moment.

“Tonight was fun,” Race said, breaking the quiet.

Albert looked at him, smiling.  It didn’t look right.

“Yeah, it was really nice.”

His remark was genuine, but scripted.  

“I love you,” Race said, leaning forward to peck Albert on the lips, “Happy Valentine’s day.”

Albert reciprocated, but the warm feeling that once accompanied the motion was nonexistent, a weird pang of sadness taking its place.

“I love you, too,” Albert said, opening the car door, “Drive home safe.  Happy Valentine’s day.”

Race waved, watching as he walked to his front door.  They knew where they stood, but god did it hurt.

-

*hi wait this is me ten minutes after posting i edited it cuz i forgot to italicize memories lmao*

so happy valentine’s day lol

thanks for reading, chiefs

hmu to be added to my tag

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[spraceitup]

The Boy (part one)

979 Words. Sprace AU. So far platonic Sprace. Will be more in the next part

It had become tradition for Manhattan newsies that whenever they turned 16, Jack would take the birthday boy to visit Brooklyn and meet Spot Conlon for the first time. Before then, the boys were never allowed to go to Brooklyn because they were told it was “too dangerous” and the most they had seen of Spot was the few times he came to talk to Jack, but even then they only observed from a distance.

The whole “birthday” visit concept always seemed dumb to Spot, especially since for years he was younger than the boys who were being introduced to him. Only last year was Spot even the same age as the boys who came. Despite the age though, for some reason, the boys always seemed intimidated and shy when introduced to the Brooklyn leader. 

The Manhattan boys always got excited before their chance to undergo what was considered the rite of passage. They had heard stories for years from the older boys about Spot and the rest of the Brooklyn gang, but were ready to see for themselves. 

On this particular day, the boy whose 16th birthday it was, was the one by the name of Racetrack Higgins, you know the one. Race had always had a certain interest in Spot than most of the other boys. Any time that Spot was in their neighborhood, he tried to get any chance he could to see the shorter, masculine guy who everyone was apparently so scared of. 

He didn't see what made him so intimidating. Race thought he was just another good looking guy who sold papers just like they did. He was mesmerized by him nonetheless, but not because he was scared, but because he thought he was even more attractive than any of the rest of them, and Race was pretty good at reading people. There was no way this guy was as tough as he acted. 

After the morning papers were distributed, Jack and Race set out towards. Brooklyn. Race was so excited and his mind was so all over the place that he kept forgetting to actually sell his papers and Jack had to keep reminding him. 

When they got to the Brooklyn bridge, the younger boy composed himself and decided he wasn’t going to make a fool of himself in front of the guy he had waited so many years of observing from a distance to meet. 

Spot knew what kid was coming to visit today, and as he saw the two boys approaching, he was prepared for another awkward kid who fell silent when he tried to talk to him. Just another kid who would not know what to say and just feel like another waste of Spot’s selling time. 

What faced him was that gorgeous, blue eyed, blonde haired, tall boy he had noticed watching him when he visited Jack’s turf. Spot figured, he’s a pretty boy, maybe the best looking of them all, but he still probably had the demeanor of a shy child just like the rest of them. 

“Heya Spotty, this is my pal Racetrack Higgins, but you can call him Race. He’s 16 today, which I'm sure you’re well aware of already. He’s been dyin to meet ya, he could barely contain his excitement on the way over here,” at this, the younger boy’s face turned bright red, but he didn't let that stop him from being his usual, outgoing self. 

“Well it’s nice to finally meet the mysterious tough guy I’ve heard so much about, though I gotta say, you're much shorter in person than I thought.” Even though Spot was insecure about his height, for some reason, the comment didn’t offend him this time. There was something refreshing about the fact that this boy wasn’t afraid to say what he was thinking. 

“Height ain’t all that matters as long as you got the muscle, which you obviously don’t,” the short boy said, with a sly smirk spreading across his face as he saw Race’s reaction to the comment.

“Can’t say you’re wrong about that one, and i certainly ain’t runnin a whole borough. Yet. But I got the smarts, and maybe one day I’ll even come and take over your little Brooklyn, huh ‘Spotty’?” Spot’s face turned a dark shade of crimson upon hearing the nickname that only Jack had ever been brave enough to try and call him. The boy was cocky, but he had a boyish charm that was mesmerizing to Spot. He didn’t cower away like the rest of ‘em. 

Jack was prepared for Spot to deck Race right then and there for talking to him like that, but his response was way more calm, and even more amused than he expected.

A low chuckle came out of the Brooklyn boy, “Yeah? I’d like to see you try.” A coy smile emerged from both of the boys, but they both instantly wiped the smiles off their faces. Spot knew then that he wanted to get to know this boy. Alone.

“How’s about I take you to show you around the neighborhood, maybe even let you meet some of the other boys?” Spot’s offer came as a shock to Jack, who had never seen Spot over a tour to any of the other boys. Jack figured he was finally coming to terms with the arrangement. 

The two other boys began walking away down the road, and Jack began to fall in line, until Spot turned around

“Hey Jack, how ‘bout you stay around here, keep watch of some of the younger boys in the lodgin house ‘til we get back huh?” Jack was confused, but did as he was told and made his way back to the lodging house, greeting some of the other newsies he recognized on the way in. 

As he entered the door, he turned around to watch the two boys walking off toward the Sheepshead Race Tracks. Watching them walk off, Jack had a feeling he would be seeing more of Spot around Manhattan very soon.

——————————————————————————————

okay so yeah. that’s the first part. It’s kind of long (actually ig it isn't really that long but idk) but I hope it was worth the read. Also sorry for the lame title I’m so bad with titles. The next part will be more Spot and Race really interacting, more dialogue, this was more just an introduction to their meeting and their chemistry. Let me know your thoughts and if you would actually read another part ?? Idk i feel kinda good about this but i could be wrong idk. also let me know if you want me to tag you when i post the next part ? 

[oldnintendonerd]

Season 3 in full swing - But first... the Pre-Season

Alright, I’ll admit it, I’ve been slacking here. It takes time to write these up, and time is something I have not had as much of as I’d like. We made it to the very end of 2018 in the last blog post, and we had a whopping $103.68 in the game hunting money stash. I’ll tell you what too, it gets even better. One of my first finds of 2019 was at the Goodwill, and it wasn’t even a game, but boy did it help the game hunting money.

A decent condition TU-2 Tuner pedal from Boss. I actually have one of my own and didn’t need one at all, but at TWO BUCKS? I couldn’t pass it up, knowing it’d have to be easily $40 at minimum, without even looking it up. It was a little dusty, and had a few dings and scrapes, but man, these things are tanks. Anyone familiar with this will recognize it as really good condition. I’ve seen them with massive amounts of rust and nearly no paint left and they still work like a charm.

Little before and after for you here:

Sold that son of a bitch for a cool $58.99 on eBay. After listing fee, PayPal fee, and shipping we add $44.06 to the game hunting money, totaling $147.74. A new record high!

That was in early February. Deep winter is terrible for finds, and it wasn’t until late March, on the 22nd, until I found even SOMETHING. A Wii sensor bar for $0.99 at Goodwill. No pics of that, it’s a sensor bar. It’s... yeah. A sensor bar. I needed them though, I have like 6 extra Wiis. Been waiting to get a couple complete systems so I can sell, or mod and sell each one. In any case, totaled $1.06 out the door. We drop to $146.68. Moving on.

March 26th, once again, at the Goodwill. Knocking on Spring cleaning’s door and I spot a blue Dual Shock 2 controller. Sitting in the toys section, not electronics. Not by the video games. In the toys section. This is not the first time this has happened, finding something game related in the toys section. Last time I think it was a few actual PS2 games.

Tiny bit of dust in some of the nooks and crannies, but man is it in good condition. Sticks are 9/10 easy, and buttons are nice and crispy. My new favorite PS2 controller right now. This one set us back $3.99. Or, $4.29 out the door. This takes us to $142.39.

Great find, I only had one DualShock 2 controller when I found this, so really couldn’t have been better timing. Having two again makes the system feel whole again somehow.

Moving into April, we ran across an unusually valuable title. Now I don’t mean it is worth $100 or anything, I just mean it is one that you would liken to be being something along the lines of maybe $5 complete.

Wheel of Fortune for PS3 - Found at Goodwill 04.12.2019

Again, not a hundred dollars but it was still worth $13.95 on Pricecharting. Usually that tells me it is a least worth a play. So I snagged it. This was Goodwill again, so $2.99, and $3.21 out the door. Takes the hunting money down to $139.18.

on 04.15.2019 I hit a flea market. Really not much there, one guy had a completely obliterated Sega Dreamcast I didn’t even look twice at. That was it, other than a guy with a small bag of DS and GBA games. He wanted $30 for the whole bag, and I’d never heard of any title other than this one...

Snagged it for $4 just by itself. It looks like its going for about $12 loose, so I thought that was acceptable. I don’t have a DS to test it on (yet), but cartridges almost never fail really. So fingers crossed this one is fine. Takes us to $135.18.

A couple weeks later, it is still not yet really Yard Sale season. There has been a sprinkling, and by this time I have visited a handful, but with no luck finding anything. The next find is still a thrift store find. I’ll admit I probably paid more for this than I should have, Pricecharting has this one at $5.69 complete. I paid $3.92, which brought it to $4.20 after tax.

Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception - Found 04.28.2019 at VoA

I don’t mind paying a little more for games when they have been tough to find, or if they are going to my collection. This one is both. The Uncharted series, ever since I found out about it, and that it was generally well received and liked, I’ve been looking for copies. I knew they were cheap and the only time I’ve run across any copies was at GameStop, and they were $4.99, and disc only. I’m like I am not paying $5 plus tax, for a disc only game that is worth pretty much exactly that CIB. I want the box to put on the shelf! So when I saw this in the thrift I grabbed it anyway. Still under retail price, or at least what I’d pay on eBay to have one shipped. Most were around $10, give or take a dollar. So half price? Not bad, and in decent condition.

The $4.20 takes us to $130.98.

Now, we are at least into the current month. I walked into The Salvation Army store on May 9th and spotted this...

A Sega CD. Not easy to find or come by, especially in the box. However, not being a Sega guy (obviously), and because of that, not having looked at prices for Sega CD really ever, let alone recently, I guessed at it being worth about $100 to $120. I thought the condition of the box was a little rough to be asking $69.99, so I left with only the photo on my phone.

Later that evening I looked on eBay sold listings and was a little surprised. Ones without the box were going for what I thought the CIB one would be worth. I posted the shot I snapped above on my Instagram and asked my followers their opinion: Would they have picked it up?

Overwhelmingly... yes, they would have!

So I stopped in the next morning after they opened and asked to look at it. It was indeed CIB, though the box had seen better days. Even the carton inside had a few rips. but it was all there, and still held everything securely. I asked if it had been tested. The guy at the front said yes they test everything they get. I said oh, you guys have a Genesis to hook to this? Could I see it work?

That was met with a blank stare. Another guy that does the testing actually admitted that it was not tested. So I said how about $40 then, since I’m taking a risk here. They said they can’t adjust the price, only the manager can do that. I asked if the manager was in and after a little chasing, they found her and she came up to the front to talk to me. I explained that this is an add-on system, not a stand alone console and it is not tested, I’d like to get it for a little cheaper to account for the risk I’m taking if I buy it. She lowered the price to $49.99.

I bought it.

Everything is there, the extension piece, the adapter, the manual, both RF shields, and the plate used to attach the extension. There was even a game in it!

The disc is VERY rough on Ecco, but it does play. I know this because a co-worker helped me out, gave me his Genesis and it fired right up on the first try, and booted the game with no problems. I tried a few more times just to make sure it wasn’t a fluke, even let it run for a while, and played a bit of it. It did struggle here and there because of the scratches, but otherwise played fine!

Could not be happier. I plan to clean it up a bit, as you can see it does have some dust and grime on it.

But once that’s taken care of I think it will be a great looking Sega CD. I will probably offer it up to Instagram first before trying it on the ‘bay. if anyone is interested please let me know on Instagram, I’m just @oldnintendonerd.

The price isn’t set yet, I am thinking somewhere between about $175 and $200. The last one that sold on ebay went for $300 shipped. better condition box though, so that’s why i’m thinking somewhere in the neighborhood of $200 to $230 shipped. I’m open to opinions if you have them, comment here or DM on IG.

This purchase, after tax was $53.74, taking us down to $77.24. however, this was bought SOLELY to flip. I do not collect for Sega, so this is entirely for profit to help buy more Nintendo stuff. I have no problem with Sega, I do not view it as trash or anything, I just didn’t grow up with it, and my heart belongs to Nintendo. There is only so much room in my home, and in my budget, so it must go.

We’ll call it there for this one, hopefully I’ll have another post up much sooner than every three months or so. Summer months should yield higher finds so I can detail stuff here more often. I hope.

2019.05.29

[sh-lan]

i’m always late for these now but oh well

i can’t believe i’m making an ebay account happy new year LOL

Third day of the new year!

Went to hangout with ryan and leighton. They wanted to try marugame udon so!!! Also i saw adam but didnt say hi, oops. In any case. We were like hey let’s do something like walk around! But it rained a little so we bought some cuties from trader joe’s and ended up at ryan’s house and basically sat in his kotatsu for 4 hours then i came home. I also finally know how it feels like when the manga says that your legs get tangled inside the kotatsu. And when you literally cannot get out of it. Plus the feeling of losing the ability to walk because ya gurl tried to stand up after crawling out of the kotatsu and just fell back down What a day LOL

my brain in general has forgotten how it feels like to study …oh dear

Mommy helped me dye my hair yesterday! It’s lighter than i thought but it was the gray ochre color from palty! And it smells like grape hichews Facetimed vania & yuri today and they noticed the color! And then facetiming with dad and he also noticed LIKE WOW I DIDNT REALIZE PEOPLE COULD TELL? <3

I want a lot of cute phone case but idk what and where to get EDIT: i am still having this problem

I just saw the golden year of the dog items from starbucks korea AND I WANT EDIT: also want the starbucks x pantone planner fml EDIT EDIT: did not end up buying anything good job deborah lan

i was right muster merch colors ARE BEAUTIFUL

The muster merch fmu EDIT: clearly i was overwhelmed with the colors because there were two separate drafts in a row lol

The company insists on having two references….

And now they said they chillin with a peer reference SO I PHONED A FRIEND (aka vania) bless her soul

jan 10th l i f e u p d a t e got the first job offer of my life!! (well official full time offer lol) and so it looks like i’m going to portland? :O

Wow i joined a GO for muster merch New year new me and goodbye money 탕진잼 탕진잼 탕진잼

Wow im glad i submitted the form to get muster merch because THEY ARE SO CUTE AND PRETTY. Okay but i really want PCs so i sincerely hope bighit has some sense and ship PC sets abroad when you order multiple other items Also didnt realize the lenticular key rings would be a hot item but seriously they are so much more adorable than i thought?? Jk’s key ring is so cute i cri EDIT: just found out about no acrylic stand )))): EDIT EDIT: didn’t get squat because ARMYs jump all over everything any time anything is released...

finding housing is hard and i can’t believe that i actually see an appeal to living in downtown…

fmu because bt21 getting released online BUT I REALLY SHOULDN’T BUY but also i finally got my package from jen! ugh omg the bag charms are so cute i don’t know whether to actually use them or keep them in their boxes ;__; and she included some mediheal masks! finally also sent vania her tata as a thank you gift~

deokrim stickers are too cute ima buy two sets

And ugh wow i cant believe i chanced upon cornpeu shop reopening im ded Vania and i didnt catch the timing for bt21 and now i’m still dumping money on bts things HAHA EDIT: not even 15 min after writing this, i bought the stuff from cornpeu lel (which couldve been used to buy the cushion so idk man) time to go preorder for deokrim maybe?

Wow my left hand hurts like shit did i really break it playing superstar bts like mom said? No way right

Ahhhh got my muster merch in the mail today and it’s so niceeee *^* Ima stick that washi tape like everywhere LOL

I hurt myself four different times today smh

In portland for the weekend! I deadass ate two packets of honey roasted peanuts on the plane ride over because i didnt realize i was so hungry and now i’m just waiting for the pimples to cOME ;__;

I walked into a stationery store in portland and just. FOUND MY PEACE. jk but i bought some stickers i been looking at online blesssss

No. Tax. Anywhere. (So far)

I had coke last night after my flight and i legit didnt feel tired until 3:30am oops

Omfg i cant believe someone was selling the trust issues photobook by snowpeach in the luce in altis project for $15 last night WOW LIKE THE FEW DAYS I DONT CHECK SHIT, THERE’S ALL KINDS OF SHIT I WANT. $15 is so cheap ;___;

went to portland with alice to check out apartments!!! woot. lots of fun going around/looking at the city. landed on thursday night and waited at the airport for alice and ate mcdonalds/watched the office haha friday: alice had work all day ): so i went out to meet up with yuri and leslie who happened to be out in portland too! walked to the alberta arts district to eat with them at pok pok noi. just walked around afterwards exploring in the rain before getting back home to eat dinner with alice at like 8…lol we went to bamboo sushi in sw and alice treated me to omakase as a congrats on getting my new yob!! woot also did some walking around in the neighborhood - will likely spend quite a bit of time in the powell city of books! saturday: the day we actually went out to see properties! grabbed some blue star donuts and headed into nw district - looked at some apartments and then grabbed lunch at this cute italian place that i will most likely frequent. started talking to alice about stuff and being weak, i cried and then we got free hazelnut ice cream…LOL. it was really good sunday: since we toured places that i actually liked yesterday, we basically just decided to walk around different areas. waterfront park, pioneer square…we spent a while in nordstrom rack and sephora looking for stuff for alice! lol. then dinner again at bamboo sushi and dessert at salt & straw :> monday morning: waking up early to get to the airport for alice’s flight. bought more donuts at the airport for mom! then i sat at the airport watching the office and eating until the airplane ride where i got a whole row to myself~

and that was my portland trip shortened LOL. but~ excited about the new city, definitely excited about the donuts!

Furniture shopping is hard Moving is hard Everythinf comes down to money S M H

Got approved for my apartment today!! #excited

legit on phone calls for an hour getting stuff down and ready. now to wait on emails so i can get to the next step to sign my lease!

It’s been hot in sf like ??? In other news, i put coconut oil in ma hair - let’s see how it feels tomorrow! :O EDIT: idk, it didn’t feel different?

Omg feb 5th: suddenly a day where i can play hard mode on ssbts wow what a day

I just saw the new bts game where you get to “live chat” the boys as the user becomes the manager and takes care of the bois I am literally gonna die All armys gonna die Why do they do this to us …BECAUSE THEY KNOW WE’LL NEVER BE THEIR MANAGERS

Today i threw away my first lip tint because it looked funky funks and was like dying Good bye you were good to me - onto more an new lip tints! On another note. The balenciaga cap is $350??!?!

Being fat today and ordered three desserts with han at creations. And then went to the beach because pokemon but ended up star-gazing and it was niceee

Just came across its it ice creams on IG and since it’s been so hot (cause like spring came early or something??) i want it!! Also, it’s like the only time i ever consume oatmeal raisin cookies (unless they just oatmeal - in which case, delicious) But omg i didnt know strawberry is an OG flavor? Althought mint reigns supreme. But. GREEN TEA??

A BUMBLEBEE FLEW INTO MY HOUSE THE OTHER DAY AND I WAS ALONE AND COULDNT HELP also raided mewtwo yesterday!! Woot. Surprisingly got the gym bonus after much hardwork but dayum caught with only one ball LOL

Ever since that one time on the airplane with the weird ass headache/tension above my left eyebrow….i got like two headaches in a week that were like that. Also in between those, my right ear hurts and honestly…am i broken somewhere cause lel Body please get better

Lmao so last time i put on a screen protector, i cracked it in two days cause i dropped it. And i just put on a new one last week and lo and behold, it hath cracked again but this time, in my purse. I’m so ????? Smh

Landed in portland once again with han for move in!! Woke up super early…. Just went to target/tj maxx to buy stuff. Smh should’ve bought a swiffer and gotten it sent here ): Got a shower rug! THE SOFT SQUISHY ONE. But failed in the shower curtain department cause it’s too short… Makeshift bed with blankets and bed sheets lol…we shall await the mattress coming in tomorrow~ Do have quite a bit of stuff to buy in general…): Anyways. Had a burrito for dinner and like ?!! Aluminum foil gave me an aluminum cut so…ow No internets yet - good thing han downloaded some movies!

My cuticles are dying because my hands are dry and wow this is terribad

Went and bought a shitton of strawberry chocolates for 50% off at cvs MUAHAHA

Went to macy’s (or we’ve been going often since it’s going out of business so things are going on sale) and got the seiko watch i was kinda eyeing last time. ONLY TO FIND OUT (forgot to check on amazon) that it was 38 dollahs cheaper ;__; but. EHHH it’s all good. Seems like the one on amazon has strap problems being too smol so…like, it’s totally chill

February 19th

My first day of work!! Went in earlies and had onboarding for about two hours with amother new hire. Then i returned to my room where i met my coworker and my manager! Both of whom are in the same room and we each have a desk. (Ima have to request a standing desk :O) anywayss. Got a company laptop - thank god it’s not bulky. And then i’ve got two monitors on my desk too! #bless

Then jlw went through more ux stuff with me and i also went to a stand up meeting. Like. Those are real man. Then went to company lunch! Where new hires introduce themselves and i realize that i have never used a dishwasher before and everyone was shookt lol.

Afterwards, i went to a sprint meeting AND BOIIIII PLANNING POKER DOE??? Lololol. I have to say i did not understand a single thing that was going on. Took about an hour and a half…

Anyways. went back in where jlw continued where she left off and then finally let me read some onboarding stuff on my own before she headed out at 4 and then me, leaving swiftly at 4 as well LOL

SO that was my first day! Trying to get everything in order - i hope that everything goes great and that i learn lots and lots! :> although…windows computer already killing me, no wonder people use mouses instead of the trackpad. Also…gotta learn Axure + in depth photoshop so…WOOT WOOT

Oh and we also have a huge snack cabinet i might just become a potato

Light snowfall is so pleasant :>

Bucketlist checklist:

Eat alone - check! First lunch break :> (exciting!)

Watch a movie by myself - check! Love, Simon

Second day - drank too much coffee while i’m still weak against caffeine. It’s 1:26am. HNNNGH

i got really bored at work today because even though it’s week 2 now, i was done with my shit at like 2pm so i just started looking at axure tutorials for another however long until 4:30 LOL side note: might actually do my post-its idea thing then i realize that i didn’t bring any post-its over to portland… also i cracked my screen again today because i slammed it on the counter while trying to save it from falling so did i really save it….

bought rice and shin ramen on amazon lel

Gonna try out my post it idea in the office tomorrow. Hope it goes well 🤞

2/28/17 First ever happy hour but also goodbye party for kyle - also like the first time i talked to him since the one and a half week i been there (minus when we introduced ourselves) but sads cause he was kinda a squish and everyone seemed to have a chill time working with him :/ oh well

ALSO THE FIRST DAY THAT YA GURL GOT PAID $$$ (which is just directly going to rent - oh the woe of getting paid bi-monthly LOL)

Wow i did a great job sticking on my phone screen protector! #yes EDIT: no i didnt. It’s blocking the camera slightly on top smh

Ya gurl cut her finger on a tape measure lmfaooo

Alice came two weekends in a row to help me buy and build stuff and daymn. That was some hard work and tbh i only built a shelf and a bed LOOOOL I think ima go for the sofa + table rather than the desk. I think it might work! Also went to ashun market. Good weekend :>

I went bowling today!! It was an engineering celebration so i thought - why not, let’s be social for a little bit. And it turned out to be fun~ we had some fuds and i played two rounds. And I got a strike in one of the rounds! Woot woot. Anyways. It was enjoyable, not as awkward as i had envisioned. Also i was able to successfully catch the bus home so that was great :>

I think i’m reverting back to my eating habits because there are ENDLESS SNACKS IN THE OFFICE. Oh dear

Really actually thinking about that dicon photobook because the pictures are so nice :<

ALSO FINALLY FCKIN DISCOVERED ELECTRICITY CHARGE ON KWH DIFFERS ON A MONTH TO MONTH BASIS in addition to usage. Wow the things you discover and uncover as you adult

Also city of portland why do you have a base charge of $11???????

Ahhh xfinity wifi was too good to be true Apparently only 5 devices could connect to it at one time. So i guess i gotta shop for internets now…LOL EDIT: NAWP. ALL GOOD. THAT WAS FOR HOME HOTSPOT. WOOT

Lmao my manager went to ucsd when marshall was still called third im

In other news. It looks like my one on one anxiety wont dissipate soon. Esp since last week, the vp of engineering just sent me a calendar invite for a one on one and i literally got stressed out for a straight 30 min before i said yes to the invite and could slowly go back to focusing on work lol…. EDIT: it ended up being around 15 minutes and i did not really enjoy it at all

We are bulletproof pt 2 came on today while i was walking and i still cannot believe that the first lines still got me smiling like a fckin idiot

Ok so i finally talked to this girl at work (who i think is really pretty omfg) the other day and she’d been curling her hair recently and as we were walking out of the bathroom i was like I REALLY LIKE YOUR HAIR And then she said my hair is so straight and healthy - “do you straighten it? It’s really pretty” and i’m just over here crying on the inside because it looks like hay and only happened to be really straight that day for god knows what reason. SO BASICALLY THE STARS ALIGNED JUST SO WE COULD HAVE THIS CONVERSATION Also she said she recently bought a curler that just “does it for you” and gurl i need that because idk how to DO ANYTHING TO MY HAIR UGH

I woke up with the blankets already nicely proportioned off the sides of my bed - so i just crawled out without making my bed today lool

Thought i could handle watching burn the stage but i saw the screenshot of jungkook lying down and it already broke my heart Need to be secluded with some tissues ;__;

A two day trip to see The Rose in seattle or a five day trip in san diego… 🤔🤔🤔

last day of march went to lunch with my coworkers for the first time and i actually enjoyed it! it was fun :> glad that my coworker actually dropped by the office to invite us to lunch~

good friday today because:

lunch was good

really honestly did nothing because we were troubleshooting visual studio

also basically did nothing because double sprint planning and retro LOL

HEADING HOME FOR THE WEEKEND UNTIL WEDNESDAY

#gotpaid

but no joke, on the ride to the airport, i got carsick and i honestly didn’t even know that was possible but if you think about it, i basically haven’t been on any kind of transportation for at least a month… also my uber driver is like some viet gangsta or something that gets pulled into the room every time he tries to go to canada O_O LOL

Deadass trying to save money but The rose concert in seattle, want to make an sd trip, want the 2k18 asia trip But also bts comeback sometime during the first half of the year and SUDDENLY WANNA ONE IS GOING TO HAVE A WORLD TOUR??? Dammit dude DAMMIT

My heart dies a little every time my coworker comes by and invites me to lunch with everyone *ugly sobs* Dies a little in a good way - just for clarification LOL

Mom dyed my hair for me! And it was darker than i thought BUT GREAT. Curiously enough, after two washes…it’s already lightening?? NO PLEASE STAY DARK. PLEASE. EDIT: lol i realized there was another “mother dyed my hair” somewhere on top lel. just for clarification - nobody else dyes my hair including myself cause i am incapable lOL

omfg i just saw the we bare bears x spao collab AND THEN FOUND THE ADVENTURE TIME X SPAO CLOTHES, SO CUTE!!! the jake and bmo hoodie )):

didn’t realize that i missed them so much ;__; we thought we would all die with the black hair but actually they just killed us with softness good thing they didn’t come out with foreheads lOL

okay lol basically that’s it because nothing happens in my life although i realze that i video recorded a lot of experiences and they’re all just video files sitting on my phone and that’s why maybe i haven’t been writing any everyday things down :O will i ever edit them? unclear

in any case - planning lots of fun things for the months to come hopefully!

[erasethestigmaprojectblog-blog]

What Depression Looks Like

What do you see when you look at my Instagram feed? If I were a completely unbiased third party, I would say wow. That girl sure does look happy. She has a sweet little family. And she's pretty funny too. And I love her clothes! Okay-- that last one may be a little biased. But I use my Instagram as a highlight reel-- as I'm sure most of you do. I mostly showcase the good, shiny moments. The moments that I want to remember. I'll tell you what you won't see when you look at my feed. You won't see a girl that's broken. A girl that is more critical of herself than you could ever be. A girl that has struggled with depression for a good chunk of her adult life. I grew up in a loving home. With a mom and dad that are still happily married and two younger sisters that will always be two of my best friends, no matter how far away from each other life may take us. We lived in a beautiful house in a beautiful neighborhood. We vacationed every summer at the most beautiful beaches. I was fortunate enough to be able to attend private school, and college wasn't a dream for me-- it was just what you did after high school. My parents graciously paid for my education, my first car, my first apartment, my wedding, and so many other things. I never wanted for anything. I am telling you all of this because it's important. It's important to know that mental illness is not something that discriminates. It is something that can happen to anyone-- regardless of gender, age, race, ethnicity, or socioeconomic status. Then I had a baby. My world completely changed. I had to have an emergency C-section because my boy was breech. He was born three weeks early. My husband and I were young newlyweds-- he was in medical school, and I was selling health insurance. We had supportive families and friends, and even though we were the first of our friends to get pregnant, we felt like we were ready for this. The first week or so after he was born was a blur of emotions. Upon leaving the hospital, my husband had to return to school-- medical school doesn't just stop because you decided to have a baby; my mother stayed with me for a few days to help me get acclimated to motherhood. I had a really hard time breastfeeding, and I ultimately decided that it wasn't worth the stress, so I decided to formula-feed the baby and supplement with what little breast milk I could manage to pump for him. Looking back on this, I am 99% sure I took this failure harder than anyone. Maternity leave was a whole debacle all its own. I hadn't been employed long enough to have accumulated any significant amount of paid time off, and I also didn't qualify for short-term disability. I was expected to return to work six weeks later; but I knew I wasn't ready. So somehow, we managed to appeal to human resources with a multitude of doctor's excuses and squeeze an additional two weeks out of them. Even so, eight weeks wasn't nearly long enough. I returned to work around the time my husband began his second year of school. We had found a nice daycare for the baby, and we resumed life as usual. I worked all day while my husband went to school and then came home to study. Then he would pick the baby up and feed him, play with him, bathe him, and put him to sleep-- while I finished up at work and commuted 45 minutes home, arriving just in time to kiss the baby goodnight. Luckily, he was a great sleeper from the start. I don't know what I would have done if he wasn't. During this time, I began feeling depressed. I dreaded waking up in the morning. I lived for my days off. Not because I wanted to spend time with my baby, but because I knew I would be able to take him to daycare and come home and sleep all day. If anyone asked, I claimed exhaustion and blamed it on being a new mom that was working full time. But that's not why I was sleeping. I was sleeping because it was less painful than being awake and having to think about what my life had become. Sleep was my escape. It was almost an addiction. I had simply lost interest in everything else that had ever brought me joy. If my friends called to make plans, I would come up with an elaborate excuse as to why I couldn't make it-- I usually blamed it on the baby. I just wanted to sleep. At the time, I wouldn't have even been able to tell you why I was depressed. That's the problem with depression. So often, there isn't a tangible reason why. Depression just is. It's just something that happens to some people-- some people are just prone to it. It is an actual disease; which is why the stigma attached to it bothers me so much. My depression-- which has been diagnosed by multiple physicians-- was caused by the perfect storm of a chemical imbalance in my brain and hormone fluctuations, and it was triggered by major life events (i.e. the birth of a child). Though the depth of my depression didn't manifest itself until adulthood, looking back on my teenage years, there were signs. Angry outbursts, irrational thinking, and lack of motivation-- these things are not normal for me. Or they shouldn't have been. Though I am medicated, I've continued to struggle with depression to this day. It's why I am always keeping busy. It's why I want to do everything perfectly. It's why I seem like I always have a million things going on, and I'm moving at 100mph. If I don't keep busy, that's when the feelings creep back in. The crushing feeling of worthlessness. I know that it's irrational. I can tell the difference. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. There are some days where I just need to sleep. It's not coping, but it is surviving. And it's not fair to the ones that I love. My husband has to pick up the slack for me on those days, and I know it takes a toll on him. Living with or loving someone who struggles with mental illness is tough. You may not understand what they are feeling, and you may think they are totally crazy; and they might be. But they probably are not. You should try your best to empathize because chances are, they are beating themselves up about it more than you ever could. You might wonder how it affects my parenting. I would like to say that it doesn't, but I'm not sure that's entirely true. Most of the time, I am supermom. I am a great wife, I support my husband, we love each other, and we flirt and get along great. We go on dates, and we play and spend time together as a family. I take my boys out on play dates, and we socialize with other moms and kids, and we do fun things together. But every now and then, I have an off-day, where I just don't feel like myself. I let things pile up around the house, and I lose motivation to get things done. I don't feel like socializing or being anywhere but my bed. This isn't really an option, so I let the kids have a movie day, and we just wait for daddy to get home-- or I suck it up and take them somewhere anyway and try to snap out of it. Either way, I feel horrible about it at the end of the day, and I wish that my kids didn't have to see me this way. But it does happen every now and then. My point in saying all of this is that mental illness is not something that should be treated any differently than any other illness. Acknowledging it as a real illness is the most important step. I am a normal person. I am a wife, and I am a mother. I struggle with depression, and I always will. That doesn't mean I'm crazy. And it also doesn't mean that I need to just get over it and stop whining. Depression is a physical illness that can be managed-- with the right tools. It's just something that some people deal with, and that's okay.

Written by: Lindsey Wilder Mazzola

http://thedixiebellediaries.com

IG: @thedixiebellediaries