#but the point is i literally never answer the door even if the ppl are aware i’m home bc idc y’all don’t need to speak to me

[saetoru]

one thing about me is that i just don’t open the door ever if i don’t know the person

[starsreminisce]

Your latest post 👏 👏

When Azriel presented the necklace to Elain he didn’t once think about how she would feel about the necklace, unlike later on in the bc with a certain priestess (whom he barely knows as ppl like to point out). If he’s known Elain for soo long, shouldn’t he at least wonder about her? Not her bond, but her. Ppl are giving Azriel too much credit for his feelings towards Elain.

HOFAS SPOILER-ISH

At this point, Azriel has shown more care (outwardly) towards Nesta than he ever has for Elain. You can’t just say this dude keeps everything internal when he has literally shown us readers what he does for those he cares for (i.e. Nesta in HOFAS).

I wanted to finish HOFAS before I answered this, but absolutely, people give Azriel too much credit towards his feelings towards Elain, and more importantly, he doesn't consider Elain's feelings in SF, and we are told in the ways that he doesn't.

Elriels like to push for choice and how Elain will choose Az, but Az has never given her the space to make that choice, even back when Az gave Elain Truth-Teller and her face turned white about the idea of being armed. It's frustrating how supportive he is towards Feyre wanting to learn how to fly, Nesta over keeping her weapons, a bunch of priestesses with varying states of trauma to learn how to defend themselves, and most importantly, Gwyn with wanting to learn more about daggers and spywork.

Did Az consider how Nesta's actions were hurting Elain, especially considering how close they were? Did Az consider how her bond is affecting her, not trying to figure out why she has not made a decision yet? Did Az consider that Elain wants to do more for the IC but makes the argument that she shouldn't be exposed to that darkness and yet Nesta, who was visibly shaken from the idea, should? Did Az consider that she did like him over her own mate to push past his own feelings to be close to her?

Elriels keep saying that Elain has no one to confide in, so she's close to Nuala and Cerridwen but not close enough that she can express this to. Azriel could have been that person, and yet we were told that Azriel keeps away from her, and he left thinking that it was the right thing that he did.

No mate can keep away from their counterpart for long, and the only reason why they did is because their mates wanted them to. Rhys stepped aside because Feyre wanted to marry Tamlin. Cassian barely spoke to Nesta for nine months up until the intervention because Nesta made it clear she wanted nothing to do with him. Lucien moved to the human lands to give Elain space, and we don't even see him force himself onto her.

Az's reasons are because that's what he felt is best for him when Elain wants the complete opposite, and Elain understood that she will never be what he actually wants - a mate - and expressed that by returning the necklace, effectively closing the door to the idea they can be something more.

Not only that, but she chose not to explore her skills of wielding a weapon by returning Truth-Teller.

Azriel left thinking he was proven right, not that he will prove Rhys wrong. Azriel tells Bryce tightly no he doesn't have a mate, not arrogantly that he doesn't need one.

So I really don't understand how half of his BC, where it's canon that his feelings for Elain are mutual, while simultaneously ignoring that he had absolutely no intention of pursuing it. Even with Elain's offer and permission and his delayed reaction, he stuck by that decision.

Elain can choose Az, but I don't think, given what we have, Az will make that same choice when it comes down to it. And Elain is aware of this, so she already chose between Azriel and Lucien in the bonus chapter when we were explicitly told she returned the necklace.

Her choosing not to reject the bond is still her choosing Lucien over Azriel, and Azriel has not given her any confidence that rejecting the bond to be with him is a good decision, especially when he called it a mistake.

[roykiller07]

i am always so scared and avoidant of explaining my identity to anybody (even, if not especially, myself) in any more words than the vaguest description possible ("im trans these r my pronouns and im a lesbian") because i cant telepathically transmit my gender into their brain so theyll never understand the complexity of it and will think something is wrong with it because im 100% nothing if not a lesbian but my nonbinaryness does not necessarily exclude manhood but it also does at the same time?? idk. wish ppl would stop trying to get me to explain my nonbinary identity in binary terms (im ppl nobody is asking me to say anything more than what i already do)

that comedian was so right i am a man in the way that kraft singles are cheese. it presents like it would be in the same category, it tastes like an offputting version of the real cheeses, a lot of people would call it cheese and it calls itself cheese too unless legally restricted but when you look at the actual content it is an entirely completely different substance. which doesnt make it any less a cheese persay but certainly also makes it definitely NOT a cheese at the same time. and its way better on grilled cheese than normal cheese is. not sure how that fits into the metaphor but its important to me

the same can be said for the way that im a woman and for both a large majority of the "ingredients" are completely internalizations of external inputs instead of any actual innate part of my being, like being a girl in the weird girl by mommy long legs way or in the impact of growing up a girl in a sexist society way or in the betty grof way or in the autistic female cartoon characters way or in the when choosing which character was OUR character growing up amidst my siblings in any game or show, often ending up w the only girl instead of just anyone that resonated with me way (was always mad at the games/shows for only having one girl, never upset about having to be her instead of someone else unless one of my siblings took the cool genderless-esque one) (maya and zero from borderlands...) or in the im my mother's daughter way or like being a guy in the random stray cat of indeterminate sex way or in the when every new person got confused about my gender as an androgynous kid, laughing super hard with my whole class/whoever was there about how dumb they were but always avoiding answering/correcting them clearly and getting upset if someone else told them i was a girl way or in the feeling very uncomfortable when anyone but my family specifically called out that i was a girl as a kid way (when alex tried to tell me i was the ruler QUEEN not the ruler KING for my collection of rulers..... die) or in the im my brothers brother way or in the drag king way or in the tboy swag of harold tdi way or you know i could go on for literal eons and still feel like i didn't list enough. plus a lot of the items on BOTH lists apply to BOTH options

and besides that im also like totally disconnected from gender?? i definitely still feel agender and genderfluid at the same time all the time not to mention the constant banging at the door in the back of my head for catgender begging to be let out. overall point blank period i know that the reason i feel this way about my gender is because im autistic and when social constructs don't come naturally to me that includes gender. but that's never like. a definitive enough answer for other people or for my own sanity and it makes me mad because NOBODY UNDERSTANDSSS MEEEEEEE [emo crying on knees]

whatever who actually cares (me)

i think the last time i felt properly fully self expressed was when i was 10 and had a scratch account named mr fox and used a persona called mr fox on it and part of what was special about me was that my name was mr fox but i was actually a girl even though i would throw up if someone called me a miss or mrs

[stawpny]

GUYS I AM BEGGING YOU

SOMEONE DRAW NEW YORK IN THE 1989 ERAS TOUR OUTFIT OR THE REPUTATION ONE

PLEASE I WOULD LITERALLY COMBUST AT THE SEAMS

AUGHHH

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

-

anyways, ik a lot of ppl go on here and see when I post, hoping it’s headcannons and I just disappoint them

so here’s some hc’s for u children

ny and the south edition! (pls I don’t know much about the south so don’t kill me 😭 I’m a new yorker)

(the quotes with names on it are southerners communicating with NY or whoever else u want, but more specifically NY)

-

- NC and SC always force NY or any other state who would hate it to sing and/or play the banjo when singing a song at a campfire. Even if they suck at singing or playing the banjo!!!

-speaking of campfires, I believe that the states usually have fires every Summer and Autumn. most get together and sing songs and stuff (u can use this idea if u want)

-New York was forced by Gov to make sure a southern party didn’t go terribly. He stood by the door while Texas wouldn’t leave him alone. He stole Texas’ hat when they all passed out, drunk and still has it to date.

-as (maybe) stated before, York plays a lot of instruments, and sometimes they force him to play the acoustic guitar, harmonica, banjo, electric guitar, etc. The NE makes fun of him for it.

-acts gay especially in front of the south just to make them pissed. he’ll flirt with them and make them uncomfortable with the high amount of gay in the room with them. Florida just goes along with it, laughing and pointing at all the southerners that turn away out of embarrassment.

-made fun of Texas and California when they were outlaws and they just joined the union. “I’m tha toughest cowboy ya will ever meet!” “Mhm.” “DONT JUS’ HUM AT ME!!” >:( -Texas

-They know better than to mess with a northerner. Texas doesn’t though, he’s just stupid. York punched him once and he swore he saw him crying to Virginia after.

-has bit many southerners, does not regret it

-

-“Gimme yer best ‘yeehaw’” “yeehaw..” “Ya can do better than that! I’ve heard ya yell at Jersey.” “yeehaw.” “York, I swear-“ “YEE- FUCKIN’ HAW!”-Texas

-“just add some ol’ bay, it’ll make it taste better.” “No it fuckin’ won’t. Keep that shit away from my brownies.”- Maryland

-played poker against Texas, won and almost got shot by him. (Sore loser)

-“what are yous gonna start growlin’?” “GRRRRR-” -Kentucky

-“nah yer good ‘ere.” “Yous are ontop of me. I dunno if I should feel turned on or uncomfortable..” -Georgia

-“off-brand me.” “southerner you, which makes better.” -also Georgia (Empire State and Empire State of the south)

- “who made you this way..?” “The man yer datin’, Y’know, Mass’.” “He would never-“ “Gin, yous even know the answer to this question, it’s an obvious yes.” -Virginia

-“get rid’a the car at this point.” “Hey! I spent my life savin’s on ol’ reliable ‘ere! I ain’t gettin’ rid o’ her if she jus’ has a leak!” “Life savin’s? Jesus, what’s wrong wit’ yous?” - Tennessee

-“ that’s ‘cause Sippi’ wants a sip of that dick.” “WHAT. I ain’t gay!” *crickets* “GUYS PLEASE-“ -Mississippi

-“are yous happy to live in this shithole?” “Hey! I work hard to make this house a home!” “Work harder next time. This looks like if a hillbilly came in ‘ere trashed the place. Y’know, that makes sense knowin’ that yous idiots live ‘ere.” *walks away* “HEY! YOU TAKE THAT BACK!” -Alabama

- “I HATE YOU!” “NUH UH! I HATE YOU MORE!” “‘nuh uh’ really proves yer point, north.” -NC & SC

- “Mais sha, ya really know how shade the south, huh?” “I’ve had enough of all of yous and I’ve seen ya at yer highest and lowest, so I know what will make yous cry later.” “Uh huh, do me then.” “Nah. Don’ get me wrong, yer barely tolerable, but ya don’ get one.” - Louisiana

(loui was upset later bc he didn’t get one 😭)

-“I swear, ya say anythin’ about me bein’ in ‘misery’ then I’m gonna-“ “Nah, I don’ care ‘bout that. What I do care about is why you like mules better than horses. Isn’t that like the whole southerner thing? Horses and idiots with hats?” -Missouri

-“are yous even apart of the south, or are you like the West Virginia of Kansas?” “JESUS IS GONNA NEED TO BLESS YER ASS SOON, WHAT THE HELL DID YA JUS’ SAY TO ME?!” “I’m Jewish.” -Arkansas

-“yer mid-atlantic, but I understand why ya don’ go to family dinnahs wit’ the Northeast. If I had an excuse, I would use it too.” “You guys are scary up there, I’m shocked you still go to those things. In the ‘contract’ they said they were optional.” “FUCKIN’ OPTIONAL?!” -Delaware

-“I will eat your face.” “Uh huh.” “PAY ATTENTION TO ME OR IM GOING TO DO SOMETHING DRASTIC!” “Uh huh.” “AAAAAAAAA-“- Florida

—

could u tell I got lazy at the end?

anyway, I hope you liked

I spent so long on the quotes, trying to come up with a good one was the hardest part.

and I know half of them are reaaally bad 😭

augh

I have no clue what to do for the next chapter of a fic

but anyways, ily guys

<3

[panicv0mit]

seeing the netflixvania posting im so fucking sorry. ive yet to watch it (will suffer through it with my friend who, like myself, is also a long time castlevania fan) and this is like. seeing a forest go up in flames and deciding to walk in anyway.

my expectations were low but it seems i'll have to set them even lower. what have they done to my favorite belmont

My netflixvania posting is but a crumb compared to all the shit I got stored in my brain but if I started rambling it would never end (except I am gonna ramble a lil bit now) spoilers (?) incoming.

Let me just say that the first 2 seasons of netflixvania were actually pretty good, I loved the final fight in season 2. It was FINE, it ended on a decent note, opened the door for the other Belmonts to step in etc etc........and that's not what they did at all. They just HAD to make 2 more fucking seasons and those had MAJOR issues between the severe mischaracterization of Hector and Alucard (I COULD GO ON AND ON ABOUT HECTOR ALONE) and disgusting unnecessary SA scenes...it was fucking abysmal. And you know what? It hurt to watch like genuinely. Everything that could have gone wrong in a show did go wrong. I liked Isaac's story, Sypha and Trevor were fine. But the horrible writing could not hold the show together at all. I was RELIEVED when it ended but OOPS SORRY!!!! AT THE VERY END THEY LET DRACULA PASS ON WITH HIS WIFE!!!!!!!! HEEHEE!!!!! HOOOHOO!!! Let me ask you a question. Walk with me here, friend. What is the story of castlevania? Who are they fighting? If you answered Dracula, then you're correct.

I'm not saying you have to keep resurrecting the same villain over and over again, HOWEVER. Dracula is a ginormous part of Richter's story. THAT'S THE WHOLE THING!!! BELMONTS VS DRACULA!!!! AND THEN ALUCARD WAKES THE FUCK UP AND IS LIKE AW SHIT THE CASTLE IS BACK!!!! They literally locked themselves out of TWO storylines!!!!! There will be no rondo, no symphony. They are using the characters in name ONLY. and it fucking BLOWS. I was actually somewhat excited to see the new series, I wanted to see Richter really bad he's my GUY....and then the reality set in and I'm wait a minute....NO...NOOO NOOOOOO!!!!!! bc I knew in my heart they were gonna fumble and fuck up severely. And they ARE! I am THREE episodes in and I have felt NOTHING, the show just isn't doing it for me. The pacing is fucking weird, dialogue feels unnatural sometimes, and the overall story is just.. meh. Especially with Richter. If Annette was the only main character, I wouldn't be so disappointed bc her part is really the only one that matters, it's clear she has more of a focus put on her instead and THATS OKAY! but for us Richter fans it feels so empty, he as a character in this show feels like fucking wet cardboard. They're giving him NOTHIN. That's not him at all. It feels off everything feels wrong. The first episode was the worst so far. There was no set up, no slow pacing, just them going from plot point to plot point like they were checking off a list. It all plays out, in my opinion, like if someone was fucking around in AI dungeon and trying to make their own castlevania. That's how unnatural things feel at times. As I'm writing this I'm like losing train of thought like what am I even saying I HAVE NO IDEA. At the end of the day, it's just a huge let down. My expectations were low and initially watching it isn't THAT bad, but when I sit down and let my mind simmer on it...I just get kinda sad. Why do they keep letting ppl who clearly don't know anything about castlevania in general write these shows. I don't feel passion from it. It shows horribly. I don't wanna see another one after this but no they've already confirmed season 2 and Alucard is gonna roll up and they're gonna do whatever the fuck idk. I'm gonna go play curse of darkness and symphony of the night and make out with my wife Hector or somethin

[cainightfics]

what countries have you visited? which countries would you like to visit and why?

thanks for the ask! this is an interesting question lol

so basically ive been poor pretty much my whole life, and ive only ever been able to travel when part of it was funded by an outside source. so far, ive been to america, mexico, and a few different countries in europe. ill give you a #hashtag storytime about the europe trip tho.

ok so. in 2017 i was sent by my school district, along with a couple of other kids (i was in highschool at the time) to attend the 100 year anniversary of the battle of vimy ridge in france. if you don't know your WW1 history, basically this battle was a massive fight between the canadian army and the german army over this big hill in france called vimy ridge, which the german army had captured. the battle is considered a big deal in WW1 military history because the canadian army did some crazy tactical stuff to beat the germans and return the area to the french. this is what the ridge looks like (this isnt important lol its just for context):

anyways. so out of like thousands of applicants, me and a couple of other kids were selected to represent canada at this big 100 year memorial ceremony. flights, hotels, food stipend all paid for. i got picked because my french was pretty good (we're required to do 10 years of french class in canadian public school), and because i also knew some german.

so we get to france and go to the ceremony. it was a pretty big deal, i shook hands with prime minister trudeau, met prince harry, etc. i don't really care about any of that and if you ask me the royal family should be abolished and/or guillotined but whatever. in fact i did not care about literally any of this because when i signed up to go in the first place, i had any one goal in mind: to go to as many european countries as i could using the travel stipend the government gave me.

the ceremony ends and most of the schools im with are planning on heading back to canada the next morning. NOT ME LOL. i was a teenager with a passport and i had big plans. i had 500 euros, a eurail pass, and a dream.

over the next week or so, i (and two other people with me who i didnt really know) basically rode the trains/busses around central europe. we went to the netherlands, all around france, denmark, and germany. i stayed up for 72 hours straight at one point because i was so determined to experience as much as possible. this answer is already getting super long so ill just tell you some highlights of this trip:

at a burger king in munich i got scammed by a guy named salvatore who pretended to be a security guard and demanded a 2 euro "tip" for opening the door. salvatore if youre out there i havent forgotten and you WILL be dealt with if i ever see you again

i milked a cow at a dairy farm outside brussels. in exchange, the farm owners gave me a huge block of cheese. on the flight back to canada, i was told my cheese would be confiscated at the airport, because it wasnt in a checked bag. but i was like "well wtf im not just throwing out this wheel of cheese" so i ate the WHOLE THING in the last hour of the flight. it was at least three pounds of aged cheddar. id never felt so sick before

i had the best ramen of my life in an alleyway in paris. i have no idea if this was even a legit restaurant (it was literally just an alleyway and some guy cooking on a bunch of hotplates) but for some reason i ate there anyway. idk if i was tripping from lack of sleep at this point or what but the taste was literally heavenly

i managed to get into a techno club in frankfurt and then also talked my way into hanging out in the DJ booth for a good part of the night. heres a pic (i blocked out ppls faces for privacy, im the short dark haired one on the left):

anyways, that was teenage me's trip to europe. i had 500 euros to get me through a week and somehow managed to only spend 150 because i slept on the train, showered at public pools and rec centres, and ate nothing besides coffee and street food.

the last trip i went on was to las vegas in 2019, where i ended up joining this half naked furry stripper (?) in his street routine. we did some sort of dom/sub situation where i pretended to throw him around, choke him out, laugh at him while he pole danced, and force him to be my human chair. i made $50 in 2 minutes in tips from the crowd doing this btw and i was wearing like a hoodie and jeans just walking back to my hotel from dinner lmfao. idek i always just end up getting into these fucking random situations whenever i go anywhere lmfao 🤣🤣 i have whatever the opposite of social anxiety is

ANYWAYS enough of my stories.... as for where i would LIKE to travel?? hmm... probably asia? id like to see the chinese countryside, singapore, japan, korea, vietnam, thailand, etc. i do face this sort of ethical dilemma tho where a lot of travel that westerners do seems very exploitative and sort of like neo-imperialism, you know? plus with covid and climate change idk how i feel about international flights at the moment. but in an ideal world, id definitely like to check out asia

thanks again for the ask!

[chimielie]

Omg thank you for responding!!!I'm still trying to figure tumblr out so I don't know how to respond to a response to what was not a really an ask, so I'm hoping I'm not clogging up you inbox right now ':D

BUT concerning my thoughts on hq (if that was a rhetorical question feel free to ignore the following ramble and I'm really sorry, it was my foot in the door and now I'm basically kicking that thing open and sitting down on your living room couch)

First of it is WILD how quickly hq became my new comfort show? I just started season 4, I'm between zooming through the episodes and trying to savour it but AHH that is difficult. I'm trying not to make this too long but its truly more WHY i like each character and not WHICH character I like.

Like hinata and nishinoya? determined little energy balls who could 11/10 give my depression a run for its money, also im 5ft 7 so I could probably throw them which for some reason is a plus point

kageyama and tsukki bcs apparently i like characters who kind of make you work to get close to them but once you do its 100% worth it

oikawa bcs i love me a popular pretty boy that is secretly a huge loser when it comes to ACTUAL feelings and iwaizumi bcs he keeps said pretty boy in check and just has strong 'cares for you deeply but wont hesitate to smack some sense into you if needed' energy

that is by far not all but yeah in summary i love the show i love your writing and I'm always happy to read your thoughts about it !!

Sry for the ramble, I hope you have/had a great day! :)))

hahaha please never apologize for clogging my inbox! i loveeee talking to ppl, pls picture me like lucy from peanuts sitting in my booth waiting for someone to kick the door down (& sorry this took a bit to answer </3)

YES omg i love the mental image of u just. spiking nishinoya and hinata like the volleyball HAHAHAH... and kags and tsukki literally make me want to cry i do love them. it was hard to get me to warm up to tsukki because tall men make me antagonistic (not really) but it was achieved lololol

that being said YEAH SEIJOH YEAH OIKAWA AND IWA sdkfjsl i.... don't even have words to verbalize my feelings about them. just heart emojis all over the place

ty for the ramble!!!!! genuinely i love talking to people about this show it's like why i have this blog lmfaoo

i hope you had a lovely day when u sent this and i hope ur having one now toooooo

[transpat]

pre-relationship pranpat and haq

the word 'haq (हक़)' in hindi doesn't have an exact eng counterpart and translates smth around the meanings of rights and entitlement. in context of relationships, we use it to describe the entitlement ppl we keep close are allowed over us. in our culture, with every bond we form and built, we owe those ppl certain rights over us. like our filial duty to our parents, supporting our siblings and relatives emotionally and/or financially, the loyalty to our friends. lovers and spouses are ppl given all the rights of a family member by choice and obv other stuff like touching u in ways others can't, sharing worries and secrets you wouldn't indulge others w, the permission to carry and lighten ur burdens.

that's why i wanted to talk about pran and pat before they began dating, when they didn't even consider each other friends. theoretically, these two don't owe each other shit, shouldn't be assuming any rights over each other. but pat continues to push into pran's room even when he's verbally told not to, and pran who bottles his feelings up from everyone else, wears his heart on his sleeve (literally) around pat. pran gives pat a glimpse into his every emotion, and pat catches them, stores it away to process later, when he uses it to channel the courage to knock on pran's door.

also. all of this starts in college. after they reach a truce and add each other's numbers. it's not there back when they were shy high schoolers, fighting in public and treading along the delicate beginnings of a friendship. back then, before their meager advances culminated into smth fruitful, it was snatched from them, ripped from their unsuspecting hands. it didn't turn their efforts null thou, doesn't return them to point zero. when they met again, they faltered and stumbled, but they make their way back to how things could have been back then. they found their way back to the path they were paving as kids.

their sense of entitlement isn't just smth they assume either. it's the haq they've willingly granted to the other. we see pran pushing pat out of his room repeatedly, but pat only walks in bc he knows if he was really unwelcome pran wouldn't open the door in the first place. bc like how pran never pushed him out of the room in his parents' house, pat is certain that once pran's fear of being discovered lessens (he doesn't know his interpretation is all wrong, that it was bc pran was in love w him and afraid for himself), he'll be welcome to stay as long as he wants. when he asks pran if he can stay the night, its bc he knows the answer might not be no. pran has a soft spot for him.

likewise, pran lashing out at him is bc he knows that unlike how it is w others, revealing his emotions to pat won't come at a price he can't afford. when he's under all the pressure of rebuilding the bus stop and saving his friends' academics careers, he smiles for his friends, assures them he's fine, he can manage. its only around pat he displays how deeply he's affected by this, lets pat see how he let him down, how much stress he's in bc of this. bc he knows pat listens, pat understands, pat wants to listen and understand. pat makes breathing easier.

in the beginning its just that. pran says they're not friends, but subconsciously hands pat every right of one. the teasing banter, the rude nicknames, the knowledge that he too wants to compete w pat in the freshy contest as badly as pat wants it. he helps him by texting his location religiously, and then when pat's friends screw up, he lets pat help him w the bus stop. here's where things get begin to get convoluted, where the lines begin to blur. letting pat sniff him, letting pat pull his head under his shirt, letting pat massage medicine onto his shoulder, cleaning pat's face for him, allowing pat to pet his head, asking him if he had dinner, asking him about his crush. obv like. none of these things r very platonic, and pran allowing these to occur isn't w platonic intentions either.

and that's bound to happen. ofc it will when pat's in love and only hasn't worked it out yet and pran's been harboring suppressed desires for years. in some ways, it's always been there, it was always hurtling towards this. the level of comfort they share w each other, how little reservation they hold towards touching the other, its as if they haven't been raised as enemies, but have grown into the only ppl who know each other so intimately.

i'm talking about these:

pran doesn't even flinch when pat's hand touches his thigh, and you could argue that's ohmnanon, but honestly it's v in character for them. pat puts his hand over pran's mouth, places it high up his thigh: pran allows it. pran tickles him, pins down on the bed: pat allows it. pran tackles him unnecessarily long during rugby matches, hauls him into hidden corridors? pat giggles about it. pat asks pran to feed him drinks, to let him stay the night? pran pretends its a hassle and readily indulges him.

pran understands what's happening. he watches it all unfold, how pat's entitlement over him grows, mushrooms, into pat constantly making boyfriend jokes, pat pushing his limits w pran in public, pat expressing his displeasure over having to pretend to be enemies, pat walking into pran's faculty w pran's shirt on. and pran lets it happen. he complains and groans about pat in his room but lets him stay, lets him have his breakfast, lets his nosy ass unlock his desktop. he draws the line at first, but always, always ends up letting pat cross it. like how at the music store he scoffs off pat's attempt to ask him about his relationship status, but in the privacy of his own room, discloses his mother and wai's dynamics when questioned, even though he finds it strange for pat to care (he misreads pat here, thinks its out of pat's desire for friendship that he wants to know more about pran, so he's happy to share).

i came to talk about this bc i was (again) rewatching bbs and now that its completed, the fight scene in ep5 hits a different way (again). pran shuts wai out (refusing to divulge the secrets of his and pat's dynamics, a direct contrast to how he freely talks about wai to pat) and sends him home, then turns and looks at pat like this:

he stood there, waiting for pat to look at him and then when pat did, he let all his disappointment and anger flood into his expression. and i saw this and thought wow, that's one of the loudest displays of haq he's expressed over pat until now. he knows what he's doing, he knows this is going to hurt pat and he does it w that exact intention. (also does anyone else think this kinda looks like an owner reprimanding their dog?) its not smth he would do w wai, or anyone else in his life. its smth only pat is allowed, only pat is allowed to see how profoundly disruptions upset him, only pat is allowed inside his head.

this scene makes it clear that the way pran and pat treat each other is no longer 'friendly'. here, we're explicitly shown the haq pran's granted his friends over him, and that doesn't extend to oversharing. yet, pat's allowed that. pran would never tell his friends if and when they hurt or frustrate him, but he's stopped hiding the same from pat when pat chased him to the new dorm insisting he should move instead. pat may be the one who crosses the line when helping pran out w the bus stop, but its pran who first muddles it by avoiding pat to express how mad he is. later again, its pran who dissolves that line completely by reaching across and asking pat if he's had dinner.

back to the fight scene: earlier, when pat waited out for him, told him to 'come here' in front of wai, that too was a display of haq, of the authority he felt over pran. and pran followed. pran obeyed, moved towards him, was only stopped by wai. that's why i said: none of the entitlement they feel towards the other is overstepping, they only exercise the rights they're certain they've been handed. when pat says 'come here', he's one hundred percent sure pran will. he knows he's different from wai, that he's special, that he's someone pran could choose over wai. and so its a petty move. its such a petty thing to use the secret privilege pran entrusted him w in a moment of drunken jealousy, and pat regrets it soon.

but pran's the one who upset the balance first. by playing that song. their song. where most of the haq they feel over each other is abstract, this is the one thing put in cement. that song is one rope fastening pat to pran's side - the other being the guitar - which he's been using to steadily climb the peak pran stands on. he'd expected pran to be waiting for him above, as eager to help him up as pat is to reach him. but pran played that song with others, with wai, and abandoned that post, uncaring if pat were to fall. and pat fell. he fell, fractured his bones, and would still plow past the sharp ache had it been pran alone. bc that pain dulls, disappears, in pran's presence. but faced with wai, with pran's hurtful pretenses, with pran prioritizing wai in that moment, his resentment overflows, pushes him to hurt pran in the same manner. 'that lousy song', he calls the very first song pran wrote, the song pran poured his heart and soul into, the song he's recently realized might have been about them. and he does it, he breaks pran. now, pran's got a shattered heart to match pat's splintered bones.

then, on the rooftop, pat asks him why he played the song. pran doesn't answer him, denies the haq in his demand. telling pran he didn't like it was another haq he'd assumed. and here, pran realizes they've come too far. here, pran knows there's no pretending this is normal or friendly anymore, bc wth they're not even friends. here, he knows if he lets this continue, pat will continue to treat him like a lover while telling him he likes some other girl. so here, pran tries to build a final iron wall, and asks pat smth he shouldn't be able to answer: 'why are you doing this to me? who are you assume those rights over me?' except pat's figured it out at last. his feelings, his love. so, he recognizes what pran's doing, panics, and blurts his truth. vomits out his feelings to try and soil the line pran's drawing.

yeah and then we saw how that went. well, after that, these vague figures of their haq finally come into sharp focus during ep 6. this was the ep everyone praised pat for his respect of boundaries, but that was really always there. pat is smart and perceptive, and pran is the subject he's spent his whole life studying. ofc he'd understand when pran means business and when he's bluffing. so when pran used to push pat put of his room, they both knew his efforts were half-hearted (ofc he'd want his crush in his room, no matter how afraid he is of losing control). although pat doesn't take him srsly at first, he does respect his decision in the end. now, when pran tells him he doesn't want to talk about their kiss, pat knows he's serious, so he immediately shifts the subject.

and last about their bet? even if before these two were subconsciously dancing around the boundaries of romance and friendship, with the bet on, there's no hiding behind denial anymore. still, this is a new territory they're trudging along. esp pat, who's new to the discovery of his own feelings, who doesn't know where pran is mentally, and doesn't know what he's allowed and what not.

pran realizes this soon enough the next morning, when pat uses that kindergarten technique of 'i won't give you my snacks unless you become my bf'. and pran - who's spend years fantasizing about this very thing, who has an idea of the depth of pat's feelings - demolishes the last wall. the finger-lick is pran telling pat where they stand now, both giving and assuming every haq of a lover. and he does it so confidently bc pat's already given him that haq the night before, when he didn't refute pran's accusation of harboring a crush on him.

('fine', he says. 'let's compete then.' instead of the outright way pran had denied his crush. bc never lying to his lover is the haq pat would give them, is what pat gives pran from here on. pran continues to lie bc he has yet to give pat the same regard.)

yeah and this is before they start dating. before pran's ready to jump into a relationship. but he's already given pat every right only a boyfriend would hold over him: calling him to his room to fix his printer, cooking his favorite dish for him, letting pat stay over whenever he wants (like how he'll always return every loving act, every courageous one pat's done for him). when pat makes that unreasonable demand of bringing nong nao over to his room, pran can't refuse him bc this is the haq he's given to pat.

asking someone for help or assistance is smth that requires a truckload of pran's spirit. but pat's someone who just wants to do things for him all the time, and when pran sees that requesting help from pat is also pleasing him, asking pat becomes easy. for someone who's had to shoulder responsibility for every other person in his life, its delightful. to be loved by someone who gets giddy about lifting his loads for him, who's contentment comes from making him happy. that's what makes the printer scene so significant, why pat's eyes shift when pran tells him he wants pat to do this for him. pran gifts him that knowing how important it is to him, later uses the same knowledge against him in that scene w wai (when he asks wai to unscrew his bottlecap for him).

most importantly, he lets pat see his every emotion now, presents him full transparency. we see him let pat in freely into his room, but that was a right pat already had - pran's only hesitation was bc of his feelings. but before where pat's rights extended barely to getting a glimpse of pran's hurt, after which he would be firmly pushed away, now pran allows him to see how upset he truly is, allows pat to alleviate his mood. like a lover would.

and now pat returns that favor, smth he's never done before. pat's never let pran see him hurt before, but now bc he, too, has granted pran every haq of a lover, when he's wounded or mad, he lets it show. after the wai-guitar thing, he waits for pran to return, shows pran every aching emotion that flits across his face, later allows pran a chance to appease him when he's called to the rooftop. although, then, he knew pran probably didn't know why he was so mad, so he's sure pran's calling him for smth he needs. going anyway is bc pran has that haq over him.

these two rooftop scenes also parallel each other. each time it was wai who drove a wedge btw them, not by simply existing, but by stealing a fragment of their lives pat firmly believed was theirs and theirs alone. the song was theirs and only pat had any haq over it, till wai came in. by keeping that guitar safe w him for years, pat assumed haq over it, which was again snatched away by wai. the first time, after wai's exited, it's pran who waits for pat to look at him, so pat can see how he's hurt him, before leaving him behind. this time, it's pat who waits for pran to return, shows him his pain then shuts him out. both times it's the rooftop pran turns to, first to get away, second to fix things. and both times pat arrives later, first to explain himself, next on pran's request.

the reason the whole guitar situation wasn't resolved explicitly onscreen was bc there was no need for it to. pat's hurt and upset came from his insecurities about his place in pran's life. he understands nonverbal implications enough to know he can do this and that w pran, bc these two know each other that well. but he's the kind of person that needs blunt, verbal confirmations about where he stands in someone's life. and that pran's attempted confession gives him. ik he's hurt pran tried to use smth so personal as a winning card against him, but he's also relieved, bc pran's disclosed he definitely wants pat to be his boyfriend. pran wants him. and that's what pat needed to know.

another thing done in ep 7 was how they finally gave us clear context to pranpat's dynamics. like we understand that pran doesn't fully mean it when he pushes pat out of his room, or that he'd be happy to let him stay if it wasn't at the risk of his feelings burgeoning, but it still seemed rude of pat to neglect his pleas and saunter past his protests. ep 7 showed us that sometimes when pran or pat verbally retracted the other's haq, they would contradict themselves louder w their actions.

like this:

and this:

a bit more on the former: its never been flashed boldly onscreen, just mixed in naturally, but food is pran's love language. food is a large part of our cultures honestly, and ensuring someone's stomach is full articulates ur love more blatantly than the words 'i love you'. so when in ep 4 pran asks pat if he's eaten, it is a huge leap. thanks to nanon's acting, with how nervous pran looked about it, everyone interpreted it as such.

then in ep 5, pran lets pat have his sandwich. and i'm positive it was meant for pat. handing it to pat himself, so pat would know he made it for him would literally be the same as saying 'i'm in love w you', so obv pran puts on a show. but he's been up for a while, he's eaten. this was for pat.

again in ep 7, where both of them kind of know pat's the one who'll likely give up (pat relenting first was always part of their dynamic), when he calls pat over and cooks for him, he's genuinely surprised pat didn't cave. later when he goes over to pat's room with food and drinks, you could argue he was planning to play the same game, but he'd cooked enough for both pat and pha; he didn't intend to take it back this time. also in the last scene, the curry must have been cooked by pran. what pran's saying in that first scene entails both cooking and feeding. cooking for pat (and pha) must have been smth he'd already been doing.

and the latter: pat here has already caved in, and then tells pran it's smth he'd do for his 'lover' as if he hasn't already forsaken the bet, as if its still on - just in case pran isn't ready yet (bc the bet itself was for pran to adjust). 'letting his lover win' and acts of services are pat's love languages, thou the former is entirely pran-orientated. ofc for someone so competitive, relenting willingly to someone else is a huge deal, thou this has already been part of their dynamic since the watch scene in their childhood (and pran is the only competition capable of driving him). first it was out of gratitude, then it was out of guilt; but somewhere in between a more concrete reason blossomed: love. (it was also partly bc of their parents' dynamics.)

yielding is one thing, going out of his way to fix things for pran is another. conceding was smth he'd always done for pran, long before he fell in love, and although he says 'lover' in that scene, he v specifically means pran. bc this is a haq reserved uniquely for pran (like how this rivalry is unique to them. he didn't have a frenzied rivalry w any other love interest, so who else would he eagerly relent to as an act of love). the latter was smth that resulted only from his romantic interest in the other. pat cutting a pick out of his id card for pran, pat going to extreme lengths to help pran w the bus stop, pat begging the prof to let them back into the competition bc he knows pran wanted badly to participate, pat keeping his guitar polished for 3 years, pat following him to a rural beachside surrounded by the enemy state, pat continuing the play despite fearing his father's wrath: all of it was bc he was that deeply in love.

this diff is enunciated best in the first 4 eps. where first pat was unwilling to back off from his fight w wai, he later forces his friends to delete that video and manipulates them into helping w the bus stop. where earlier pat was visibly reluctant about shifting even as he offered to switch dorms (bc this was more out of guilt than love), he later gives pran his earphones w/o ever planning on taking them back (more out love than guilt).

anyway there's no purpose to this lol. i just wanted to rant about pranpat and the haq they'd assumed over each other long before the began dating bc i thought it revealed a lot about where they subconsciously intended their relationship to head down. haq is smth given only to those who play a pivotal role in your life, a loved one, a cherished friend. it's the way we daily say 'i love you' without words, it's how we continuously express our gratitude. and it's not smth enemies or even strangers can hold. pran and pat were told not to befriend each other, but gave the other every haq of a friend at age ten. when they found a safe ground to nurture their budding friendship in the dorms (and a shorter period in high school), the flower it blossomed into was that of romantic love, and it didn't come to either as much of a shock. like they'd known it was already destined, like it made sense to them that this is where they were headed. what they said about about going from two ppl who couldn't be friends to two ppl who couldn't be just friends was true.

[1kook]

ZOOM CALL

⇢ meeting one

jeon jungkook x (f) reader

⇢ series masterlist

summary: In a sea of black screens and faceless names, there’s one smiley boy that beams back at you through the dimly lit screen of your laptop, a tiny Jeon Jungkook (he/him) tacked to the corner of his window. genre: fluff, slice of life, smut (tags tba) warnings: jk is a ditzy lil nerdy sweetheart, college crushes, social distancing -_-, use of the zoom app, 1kook Builds a Healthy Relationship (Version 2.0) ratings: M (18+) wc: 3.2k

notes: well. here we are. as always i have to thank common sense (coincidentally named rumu @kigurumu​ ) for reading this over and pointing out little details <3 after much deliberation, i have decided to post our beloved zoom jk (see origin story here) in the form of short ‘drabbles’ depicting diff zoom calls with this being The Beginning™️ so please... bare with me </3 ty to all the nice ppl who have been excited for this, luv u very much 🥺

There are times in human history where words captivate their audience; times when single words or phrases wrap around the listener, melt into their bones and radiate warmth from within. But rarely does one word manage such an impact, rarely is it as revered and as cherished as the word cancelled is to most college students. 

Class is cancelled, group meetings are cancelled, the stupidly big semester final project was cancelled. You could cancel nearly anything, and in most cases, it would be beautiful. Cancelled meant more time to sleep in the morning, an afternoon free of pesky project partners, a pleasant reprieve from having to socialize with anyone. It was a glorious word with heavenly connotations that brought tears of joy to your eyes whenever you saw it appear in an email preview.

Except this one.

Spring Semester 2021: On-Campus Classes CANCELLED — Social Distance Measures as per State Regula…

Your last semester as a student in university… online? You couldn’t believe it. All these years of studying rigorously, cramming for exams, attaining a near perfect GPA— just to sit in your bedroom and stare at your computer screen for the last 15 weeks of classes? Had your friends not been there to mope with you, you’re certain a part of you would have gone on a rampage and cursed every bacteria known to mankind for doing this to you.

It was your last year, you whined in private (never in public; your friends had always considered you the mature one, the studious friend who kept everyone in order), yet here you were, setting up your desk for your last ever first day of classes with quite possibly the biggest pout on your face.

Zoom, your school had raved in an email a few weeks into the break, the desktop application that will keep us united in these trying times! As if, you huffed, giving the stupid application permission to connect to your computer’s camera and audio systems. What even was proper Zoom etiquette? Did you have to enter the meeting and greet every student cheerfully? You had always said hi to your classmates before, but something about saying it over a computer mic felt awkward.

The feeling doubled when you finally entered the meeting, only to be met with a sea of black screens save for your professor, who seemed to be clicking around his computer in a rather confused fashion. This was going to suck, you thought bitterly.

You had entered the room ten minutes earlier because, well, you always showed up to class a few minutes earlier than the scheduled meeting time. But was there any point to doing that here? Usually, the time before class was spent making small talk with said classmates, discussing the readings or the assignments, talking mindlessly about whatever came to mind. But something in your gut said it would be weird to do that now.

So you sit in silence for the next ten minutes, nervously tapping your pen against your desk as you wait for the professor to launch into whatever introductory monologue he had planned. You toy with your phone, scrolling through your twitter feed only to see a brigade of tweets from students all over the nation suffering the same fate as you. It was a trending topic.

Two minutes before the class starts, you hear the tell-tale ping of someone entering the meeting. You wave it off just like you have your other 41 classmates thus far, but then there’s the clearing of a throat, and a sweet, “good morning” filtering through your speakers. Lifting your head from the hunched over position you had assumed while glancing at your phone, you’re startled by the sudden handsome face that appears before you.

In a sea of black screens and faceless names, there’s one smiley boy that beams back at you through the dimly lit screen of your laptop, a tiny Jeon Jungkook (he/him) tacked to the corner of his window.

He’s nothing short of a dreamboat, soft and doughy cheeks that catch the hue of the screen light, highlighting his cheekbones in a faint blue color. Imploring doe eyes blinking widely at the screen as he clicks around, narrating his confusion in a low mumble (mic still on, how cute). Dark hair— was it brown? black? the pixelated screen made it hard to tell —messily pushed away from his face.

And his voice, oh his voice. It matches his gentle appearance perfectly. A soft snort. “Am I the only one here?” he says, thin lips pulled to the side in a bashful grin.

The professor laughs with him. “No, but you are the only one with your camera on,” he responds.

You’re not sure if it’s the professor’s teasing jab at literally everyone else or the need to support the cutie who smiles softly at screen, but suddenly, a handful of windows come to life. Your classmates fill up the screen, dressed in an array of styles with bedrooms (and, on the rare occasion, dorm rooms) to match. You nibble at your bottom lip, finger hovering over the button that will expose your appearance to the rest of your classmates

Eventually, the wordless peer pressure, the need to be a good student, and the supportive face of Jeon Jungkook (he/him) have you inhaling sharply before dutifully clicking the camera on. Your face appears on screen, nearly lost in the now overwhelming sea of faces. You’re one of the last ones to turn your camera on, both pages of your zoom meeting participant windows filled with the contrasting images of your classmates joining from their bedrooms. The professor claps in delight, and finally dives into the mandatory first day of classes spiel.

Syllabuses, group work, asynchronous lectures. You’ve heard these words all before, have practically memorized this class’s syllabus like the back of your hand. The pros of being an overachiever. The cons are, however, that you think every question your classmates ask is stupid. Read the syllabus, you want to scream. But it’s the first day of class. You don’t even know who your assigned study group partners (as mentioned in the syllabus) are and you certainly don’t want them to dislike you so soon. They can do that after the third meeting, but not today.

You’re not entirely surprised when your attention drifts away from the professor and the endless sea of stupid questions he’s left to answer. Even when you realize you’ve stopped paying attention, you don’t bother forcing yourself to tune back in. No, instead your focus drifts across the windows of faces.

Some of your classmates are as bored as you, glaring at the screen with disinterest, or glancing off to the side probably at their phones. So you start looking at their rooms, analyzing their decorations and posters as if you’re a professional critic on some house design show.

Jeon Jungkook (he/him) is in a rather plain dorm room. Plain light gray walls— or maybe it’s white —free of decoration. He’s sitting at the provided desk, just like you. The only reason you focus on that is because there’s a multitude of your classmates lazily sprawled across their beds, slumped over a couch. Hardly anyone is sitting at attention like you. Well, except for Jeon Jungkook (he/him). He’s practically exposing the entirety of his living accommodation with the way his camera is set up.

Above eye level, reaching just below his chest, with the room all laid out before you. A neat twin bed, sheets meticulously made. It almost looks like the decorative set at a furniture store with the way the comforter and variety of pillows are placed. He doesn’t seem to be in the crappy dorms you remember, which leaves you wondering where exactly he’s been assigned. You know certain sports clubs get fancier dormitories. Anyway, there’s a door off the side of the bed, a black guitar standing in the corner just behind it. You wonder what’s behind the camera, if maybe his desk is as organized as the rest of his room. Maybe his closet is his weakness, you muse, imagining poor Jeon Jungkook (he/him) with a tornado of a closet. But the thought doesn’t make that much sense, so you discard it quickly.

Anyway, his dorm room. It’s neat and orderly, makes you tilt your head curiously as he swivels from side to side before you. As for himself, he’s dressed in a plain white sweater, hoodie strings perfectly even. His hair has long since fallen over his forehead, but he’s pushed it over this time in a fluffy side part. He was adorably soft.

He’s paying attention to the professor like he genuinely treasures every word that comes off his tongue, nodding along understandingly. He’s even got a pencil in hand, leaning forward every few seconds to scribble something down hurriedly. Not like this is all on the syllabus or anything, you think.

But as soon as the thought crosses your mind, it’s dispelled just as fast. He’s only trying to be a good student, you scold yourself, feeling oddly mean for wanting to make fun of this sweet boy. Especially when he raises his hand a second later and asks the first good question of the day. Something about the grading scale for group projects and how much is determined by the group members themselves. You’re not too sure, the words get a little fuzzy when he starts speaking and his pink lips pull down into an endearing pout.

A couple minutes later and your professor finally wraps up the questions, telling everyone to email him if any other questions arise throughout the semester. Just as you’re sighing in relief, he utters those dreaded words: “Ice-breakers!” he exclaims, and the whole class grimaces, much to his amusement. He says something about feeling the excitement through the screen, but then changes gears. “Since it’s a little hard to talk to your neighbor, I’m going to test out the Breakout Rooms and see how that works, okay guys?”

You frown. Breakout Rooms? What on earth was that? Like most of your classmates, this is pretty much your first rodeo with the Zoom application. He was sending you all into small groups, where? The answer presents itself a few seconds later, a message box appearing on your screen.

The host is inviting you to join a Breakout Room: Group 4

Your professor is still chattering in the background when you nervously accept the invitation, his voice suddenly cut off as your computer jumps to a new loading screen. It takes a while before you’re suddenly dumped into a new room. And then you’re staring at your own face, blown up on your own screen in a rather uncomfortable way. Jeez, did you really look like this?

As soon as you get to picking at your appearance, your mirrored reflection jumps to the side, once, then twice more to fit the three new guests in your room. Silence fills your bedroom as you and your classmates all stare at each other nervously for a couple seconds, unsure of what to say. This was, after all, your first meeting.

Just as you’ve gathered all your courage to click your microphone on, the screen jumps around once more and suddenly Jeon Jungkook (he/him) is in your Breakout Room. Immediately, his surprised face melts into the most reassuring grin you’ve ever seen, and he’s practically jumping forward to turn his mic on.

“Good morning, everyone,” he says, smooth and low. It’s like the awkward tension melts away under the pressure of his pretty smile, your classmates responding back with polite hellos and good mornings to him. You barely get yours in before Jeon Jungkook (he/him) starts talking again. “So… how are you guys?”

His words, sweet and caring as they are, send the five of you into a rather mindless conversation. Talking about nothing really, just whatever comes to mind about the class, about the semester, about the remote learning. Then Jungkook— “just Jungkook is fine!” he tells the other four of you with that same too pure look on his face after someone refers to him by his whole name —starts talking about some movie he had seen on Netflix the other day, something his friend recommended to him. Truthfully, you have zero interest in the type of plot he is describing, and you can tell some of the other people in your group don’t either. But he’s absorbed in his storytelling, features lit up as he details every last plot point of the film like his life depends on it. There’s a wordless agreement to let him ramble on.

By the time Jungkook has finished his novella recapture of whatever movie he was talking about, a green message bubble appears at the top of your screen. It’s a message from your professor, who is telling you the small group meeting will end in a few more minutes.

“Aw, that sucks,” Jungkook laughs, rubbing at the back of his neck sheepishly. And then, “oh! We haven’t answered our icebreaker question yet!”

Ah, yes. The reason for this small group was to get to know each other, not for Jungkook to recount an entire two hour movie for you all. “Oh, right,” you agree, probably the first words you’ve said in the past five minutes. You navigate to the chat box, where your professor had hastily dumped the question before sending you all off. “What’s one thing you miss most about being on campus?” you read aloud, glancing back at the screen.

Your group mates are all in various states of blissful comfort, the gaps of their nervousness smoothed over by Jungkook’s bubbly personality, and the hesitation they’d shown at the beginning is practically gone. Someone steps forward and says something about the campus dining hall. Jungkook laughs, loud and airy, claps his hands all cute too. Someone else says the library because it was a good place to study. There’s a lull and you jump in quickly. “I think I’ll miss the couches by the gym in the student center the most,” you confess, though you doubt anyone knows which ones you mean. They were a set of brightly colored couches tucked into a cranny behind the Starbucks just outside the campus gym, avidly avoided by the gym rats who were determined to ignore the sugary drinks and snacks.

Apparently, the hiding spot isn’t as secretive as you thought. “Oh, the ones by the Starbucks?” Jungkook exclaims, excitedly looking at his screen. You have this fluttery feeling that he’s looking at you for the first time. You nod, and he quite positively beams. “I love those!”

“Yeah, I spend a lot of time there,” you say, though it’s a little stilted because you’re not exactly sure how you’re supposed to react to Jungkook’s enthusiasm. Though his outgoing personality cloaks you in comfort, his pretty smile has your heartbeat acting a little funny.

Jungkook’s got these huge eyes, blinking owlishly at you. “Really? So do I!” And then you both seem to have the same realization. His head tilts to the side cutely, an amused smile on his face, “I’ve never seen you there.”

“I’ve never seen you there,” you shoot back, a little snarkier than necessary, but Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice. His smile turns goofy.

“Woah,” he says in a rather dreamy tone, “isn’t that so cool? We spent so much time in the same place, but never crossed paths before,” he babbles. He’s stopped looking at his computer, leaning back in a sort of dazed manner with this sparkly look to his eyes, much to everyone’s amusement. Except yours, because frankly, it sounds a little bit like he’s describing— “fate!” he says suddenly, like it’s truly an aha! moment. He pauses, taps his finger against his chin. “Or anti-fate? I’m not sure. But it’s like— we could’ve met so many times before and we didn’t.” Doe eyes return to the screen, flickering around until they presumably land on you again. “What do you think, __?”

And he’s just so cute, makes the rigid shield around your chest soften for the slightest moment as you nod meekly. “Uhh, yeah. Fate,” you agree, and then get to hear him laugh and giggle for about three seconds before you’re suddenly thrown back into the larger Zoom meeting.

Weirdly flustered, you hurriedly click your microphone back off, and nearly contemplate the camera too. But then the professor is asking you all to share what you talked about and you’re resigning yourself to a few more minutes of screen time while the class wraps up. By the looks of it, not everyone had as an enjoyable time as you did. Part of you is thankful you didn’t get stuck in an awkward small group. The other part recognizes wholeheartedly that it’s all thanks to one smiley boy at the bottom of your screen.

“And group 4?” the professor asks, and you blink yourself back into attention. Before you can unmute yourself and answer for your group, Jungkook is beating you to it.

“We talked about a lot of things,” Jungkook answers cheerfully. From your view, you get a front row seat to the sheer power of Jungkook’s magnetic personality, watching as all your listless classmates suddenly snap back from their daydreams to zero in on whatever Jungkook is saying. He fills in the professor about what you talked about, from the movies to the couches, and you feel weirdly mushy when his eyes flicker across the screen before settling with a soft smile.

He can’t possibly be looking at me, you tell yourself. Your hand jerks forward to turn the camera off, but in your haste, end up knocking down the water bottle on your desk. You scramble to straighten it, thanking the universe for the fact you actually remembered to screw on the cap. You glance back at the screen, and nearly die when you catch sight of a giggly Jungkook, smile hidden behind an adorable sweater paw as he laughs at something on screen. Oh no, was he looking at me? you panic.

“Alright, everyone,” your professor says in that “I’m about to wrap this class up” voice. Too close to the screen, voice a little too loud. “Good meeting today, I’ll see you all again on Wednesday. Stay safe.”

“Bye!” Jungkook sings sweetly, and everyone else follows as they all bid adieu to the professor. Still a little frazzled from the possibility that Jungkook may have watched you flail around like a total loser, you take a second longer to turn your mic on. Your classmates quickly leave the meeting, leaving only a few stragglers until the very end.

Surprisingly, Jungkook is here too, brown eyes focused on the screen. You unmute yourself. “Um,” you stammer, eyes unwillingly flickering over to Jungkook who smiles at the sound of your voice. “Goodbye. Thank you,” you rush out, and then quickly leave the meeting as well.

With the meeting over, you’re left staring at the home page of the Zoom app, heart beating a little too fast to be normal. Your face feels warm, and your fingers tremble from some unfamiliar, giddy feeling in your chest. You exhale slowly, hand coming up to rub at your chin as if that will somehow explain the weird excitement from your Zoom meeting. Maybe it was just adrenaline, or nervousness, you try to convince yourself. After all, the first day of classes is always nerve-wracking.

Except when you navigate to your class page and begin to mindlessly scroll through the class roster, there’s a weird stutter to your heartbeat when you catch sight of that Jeon Jungkook (he/him) that appears halfway down the list.

Copyright © 2020, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[lacharcutiere]

I'm back way sooner than I'd expected, sorry for spamming you with another request! Hcs (separate) again please? Bokuto, Miya twins and Kuroo were teaching their s/o how to play volleyball but midway through the lesson s/o accidentally got distracted by their glorious thighs and asses lmao. After a while the guys realized what's happening when they noticed s/o's stare on them. Thank you very much!

distractions [lil bit pg-13, bokuto kōtarō, miya atsumu, miya osamu, kuroo tetsurō]

tings // sfw but a lil naughty, fluff, canonverse, everyone's at least 18 here :)

hello again & it’s totally cool !! keep spamming lolol i enjoy the interaction !! also omg i love the idea because i myself have thiccy thighs :) i feel like this got a little repetitive because i kinda ran out of ideas but anyway,,,

also whoops this took me foreverrrrr but i hope u find it anon !!

☾𓆙𓂻

bokuto kōtarō

you guys have a long weekend and after the first day you and this insanely hyperactive boy run out of ideas of what to do

so you suggest that he teach you to play volleyball and obvi he's super excited

kō actually sneaks you guys into the gym since he's got a key (n like, if you did happen to get caught, who could stay mad at him?)

it's kind of late at night when you guys go since either way, he wants to do his best not to get you in trouble lol

you do actually want to learn and stay (mostly) focused for the first bit, until kō decides he wants a water break

so you sit on the bleachers and wait for him while he goes and grabs a water bottle out of the club room

but when he sits down next to you,,,,

that squish thing that thick thighs do when ppl with them sit down

yeah

his do that

you kinda don't even realize you're staring until you hear a little laugh and a "what?" and look up to see him leaning back on the row of seats behind him

and you respond by just smiling and reaching out to squish his thigh

he doesn't really process what's going on at first, like he just kinda looks at you blankly for a few seconds

and then he reaches out and squishes your thigh back and ummm long story short baby boy gets a little grabby and you end up making out on the bleachers lol and maybe riding his thigh

miya atsumu

tsum tsum's been pretty busy lately and hasn't gotten to see you a ton the past couple weeks, so he decides to skip practice and surprise you one day

he did not expect you to go off on him for it lmao

but once you stop to take a breath, he points out that there's no point in going all the way back to the gym now; he's already missed like half of it and it's easier to come up with an excuse for missing a day than it is for showing up like an hour late

so you're like, "fine, i guess," and then you have the wonderful idea that if he's not gonna show up to practice, maybe he could at least get some in by teaching you

"are you kidding lmao, you suck, how is that gonna be practice?" "stfu tsumu"

so he's agrees and decides to demonstrate some basic stuff first, just so you can get an idea of how much you suck compared to him what it should look like

you're seated on the ground watching him when you notice how his thighs flex when he jumps and how tight that ass is

you don't even realize you're staring until he goes, "okay, now you try," and you go, "try what," your eyes still fixed on his legs

it takes him a second to realize what exactly you were looking at and he thinks it's the funniest fucking thing lmao, and he turns around and like, smacks his ass or attempts to throw it back or something until you're laughing so hard your stomach cramps

you don't end up playing volleyball because 1) by the time you manage to stop laughing you're literally sore and 2) tumu's missed you the past week and now he just wants to hear you laugh more 💕

miya osamu

you can hear the boys practicing out back when you get to the miya's to hang out with samu, and out of curiosity you head over to watch since you rarely get to watch them practice at school and the vibes during actual games just aren't the same

samu sees you and is about to head inside to get showered and changed so you guys can hang out

you surprise both of them by asking if you can join instead

(atsumu complains that it's unfair that it's him versus the two of you and you have to shut him up by pointing out that you're probably gonna end up dragging osamu down because you've never played before)

it's not going too badly until samu suggests that you have a try at serving

which means that he's standing several feet in front of you

which means that you have a very clear view of his ass

he's also wearing grey gym shorts, which does not help (or does help a lot, depending on how you look at it)

atsumu notices you staring first, since osamu has his back to you

you go "fuck this" and run up and smack samu's ass LMAO

he turns around and just stares at you for a good few minutes and then drags you inside

atsumu's probably all like 😏😏😏

but for good reason

ah ha ha haaa

kuroo tetsurō

you wander into the gym in the last fifteen minutes of practice—you and tetsu had planned to meet outside but you'd gotten there early and didn't have much else to do

he looks over when he hears the door open and gives you a quick wave before turning his attention back to practicing, and you find yourself a seat on the bleachers

a few moments later he excuses himself for a water break and walks over to you, smiling like he's about to do something you're not going to enjoy

"what?" "what?" "why are you looking at me like that?" and he doesn't answer; he just finishes his water and drags you onto the court

"tetsu, what the fuck are you doing?"

"come practice :)))"

"i don't even play—" and then he shoves a ball into your hands. where'd it come from? who knows.

"shouldn't you be the one practicing? don't you, like, have a game this weekend?"

he assures you it's fine, there're only like ten minutes left of practice anyway, and shoves you into the rotation

and you don't really do much, at least until you narrowly miss getting smacked in the head with the ball because you're too busy staring at him, watching the way he moves, gym shorts clinging to his sweaty skin, and thinking about sitting on his lap on the train back to your place after this

"woah, woah, pay attention!" he laughs and you look up to meet his eyes, smiling absently. "whatcha looking at?" "nothing :))"

he really has to fight the urge to pull you into the locker room with him after practice lmao

and you do get to sit on his lap on the way home hehe

[madfantasy]

I haven't seen you post in a while, I hope you've been doing okay? How is everything? Hope it's been a good year so far for you 💕💕

You're too kind, u & everyone who made inquiries, bless ur hearts.. im sorry for disappearing, but yeah, I don't have net— using my phone credit and hope this posts..

I tried to record my voice answering this, like I sometimes did on tik, suddenly ended up trying to muffle the floods of my burning tears, so now I have an awkward vid of me talking then weeping out of nowhere, which a good reason for me to keep up the no cry habit, heh.. but seriously, I suppose I'm fine till I be conscious of it.. its much easier for not to talk .. even tho I'm aching to be back in thy company, lonely in my foresight to catch on to the present that joins us, hand held out to reach like minded souls but shying from the fear of forgetfulness occurring..

I'm fine tho, did few new stuff, merely drowning in too muchness and nothingness as usual, this month I guess you could say I took an act of mad fury in search of any happy source because the echoing silence and the swarm of sadness nipping on my brain cells thickened, and the reasoning merged with the obscene. So instead of giving my guardians the usual of 3/4 of my earnings last month for net and groceries, I spent it all. Ya know, as it was told to me it mine to do as I please? As being prevented any chance of work if it was possible, 't was supposed to be spent on art supplies & measly delights craved for years ?

Before hand, I've been begging them to take me for months to get any clothing or whatever, be it the first time I ever see a shop, then just to drive around, then just me peaking to the outside when the front door is open, merely seeking change I suppose. They kept vaguely promising me until they refused point blank— getting tired of my nagging, then their car just stopped working till this day. Its in the workshop rn..

Anyway, befouled by despair, needing the mere basics of life and not granted, I was delighted when i found a site to buy from cheap & pretty, I pressed buy without any further considerations, or taking their permission and thrilled to be able get gifts for my siblings too. I say gifts but really they are deprived necessities too and not even much just one each cuz well, they are 5 of my babies and to start with the top of priorities; we all draw

I could already see it, they can't help themselves; heck seeped through the clenched gates of their mouths, trying desperately to poison me with undirect attempts this time, cuz I bought for my sibs they're out of the option of calling me selfish. I was upping the same trance like state of vague existence dealing with them, absorbing their insults and degrading just to make sure my shi arrives safe.

Unfortunate for me, the site chose the worst carrier in this country

I did everything in my power to make it into their convenience, by embarrassingly messaging the carrier daily, they took a week of promising to deliver and flanking so my guardians reached a heated level of threatening, waving their hands nd almost tossing shi at mE saying that they don't care if they came and if i dared to order something again they'll do this and that. Not allowing me to open the door for the delivery guy when he comes, blaming me for missing vaccination dates (they kept missing them even before)& missing going to important places(again, they just didn't go to for ages), made them loose sleep, etc etc— in turn, I seen red and regretfully blew up.

I screamed at them its literally the only time I ever did this, it BECAUSE it easier on them & I'll do what I want whatever anyway, & to stop interrupting me while I try to explain things , then they suddnly back done and be like I'm not mad at u I'm mad at the delivery ppl, that they are proud of me for being able to do all this, and such sort. I left them to cool in my room, Idk how I did it but must have slam-gripped something so hard it chipped most of my short nails & cracked one, was glad I didn't hurt my drawing hand but yeah, goofy mani

They robbed me of the joy of anticipation & the dissipation of apathy, I started to lose sleep again and my liberating dreams left me and I don't think I remember leaving bed.

But still, If not force myself to do things.. there'll be nothing for me if I don't.. at least I know im able of that

I got my guardians happy tho after another tiresome refusal, by trying out one of those Uber-eat like local apps here, since they have no car and being disabled & ill, I ordered McDonald's for the first time. Slythry behind their backs per habit, told them someone coming and they had that look again, but thankfully the guy came through and didn't steal my money, heh. For a big 1800 calories meal I suppose it was passable, the happy fam faces I got was the real treat..

Oh with that thing with the credit card stating I owe them money, waited weeks & nobody got back to us? They started taking from my guardian's account directly to pay it, saying oh we did send you warnings--- TO THE SHADOWY LINES OF THEIR POSTERIOR A.K.A NOWHERE. Thankfully the account is mostly empty nd just for random transactions, i alerted my guardians not to use it. And again, my god, another round of endless calls and promises started, and we wait again so they just don't act as if we owe them a frking 17k dollars that we don't have.. was panicking cuz I have nothing and but my guardians were weirdly comforting about it and told me not to worry

One thing good bout no net is it made me stop thinking about life in general, and stop the tiny unnoticeable prick of misery when I have no input to share, trying not to helplessly compare people just living, in inflated style or not, in media, to my isolated-most-of-my-life style and missing much of that organic "life experiences and chances", heh. At least, my situation would be favorable to me if it was ever possible for it to let me have peace, or have the simple knowledge I'm not virtually imprisoned and have never familiarised with nothing of this world but the surrounding walls.. its nice to have more time to be consumed by muse and day dreaming that flutters life through my dull being and sing chorus of inspiring means for art to flow and finds its way delicately onto my realised canvas.. but no, I continued drawing whilst sight blurred with salty droplets contradicting that happy tintin dance on tiktok I worked so long on just cuz I couldn't stop, not the tears or the mad scribbles of determined intention to visualise the mourned excitement I need, hating everything I make

Somehow the lilac dream still intrudes, visualising me friends, living, in a quaint home, maybe we roommate, arm in arm we go to make every fracture of fate's encounters a disgusting adventurous thrill, like building a maze of cardboard or chasing each other in the dark.. maybe getting that half bleached head and endless ear pericings ... then it dies and I totally forget it..

But what those awesome headphones helped me do, literally blocks all their voices listening to Sev losing it and I can Waltz around not feeling gutted to go and interfere or play the referee each time. But I can't wear them forever, gives me a bad headache, and honestly; I can't be too neglectful.. my sibs hates me for it already hehe

At least these clothing came true to their measurements, felt the new sensations on how everything I wore hugs me & learnt the baffling ways on how "gender" and region plays different tunes on the same measurements. Getting fitting things felt like suddenly there's hope to be, for myself to be me, and ease this severe disassociation between who I am, and what my body is .. from how little I see myself nd consider it worthy of anything because of how long it been living like a phantom among people.. to numb this dysphoria until it be gone one day

Saddened that the only site I can't order from again if they keep using that awful carrier

...

I missed our country's 91 national day, too. They made sales everything 91 riyal so.. but knowing the sellers here, I don't think most of em went true with their offers.. Horrible news tho on the celebrations, sigh

I turned this into a dear diary, guess bothered you enough today, sorry

So thankful to yous, Idk if I can be back, but I'll remain creating, and will keep the thought alive of being tickled when sharing my creations with your viewing pleasure somehow

'till then my precious dears, take care 💛🙏

26.9.2021, 8 pm, sleeping

[danny-chase]

Warnings: violence, blood, realism in comics, me mentioning things stans want to ignore to make a point, you don't have to consider them canon, I'm just making a point don't hurt me

Right. Been seeing dialog about Jason's decision to give up guns that i feel is missing a few points.

1. Bruce is traumatized by guns. Yeah he jumps in the line of fire every night but that doesn't mean he isn't scared of/triggered by them:

[Image ID: Oracle!Babs and Robin!Tim roll/walk through the clocktower. Babs: (about guns) Hates them. But doesn't fear them. Tim: Not the way he jumps in the line of fire night after night. Babs: Line of fire... Babs: I was afraid of them for a long time. I'd go faint at the sight of a gun on TV. Tim: You have reasons, Barbara. So does Batman. Babs: But I. worked through them. Babs: Maybe Bruce hasn't. Maybe he's not the rock we thought he was. Tim: He bought a gun as therapy? Babs: Look at the facts. He bought it just like any other citizen. Like he wanted to experience it as someone else would. Tim: I don't think- Computer: Keyword media search alert. Tim: What's that? End ID]

Birds of Prey (1998) #40

Bruce's opposition of guns is partially based in trauma - it's not completely a moral stance or completely logical rule. Jason giving up guns is for himself, but it allows him to be closer to Bruce and for Bruce to be more relaxed in his presence -> can make their relationship closer.

2. [X] weapon isn't even lethal. Getting cut/hurt + no health care = possible death from infection -> shooting a henchman with regular bullets in the foot can be lethal. Or cutting them with a batarang.

[Image ID: A girl walks home getting off the school bus. Girl: "Mama, I know you don't want to hear this, but --" She opens the door to an empty run down house. Girl: "Mama? Mama are you --?" She opens up the bathroom door, revealing her mother sweating and bleeding out on the ground, trying to press a towel to a wound on her side. Her mom is wearing a henchman outfit for the H.I.V.E. Girl: "Mama!" Mom: "Why -- Why are you home so soon?" The girl holds her mom in a sitting position. Girl: "This isn't the flu. You said you had the flu." Mom: "I -- I will be better soon. I just need to rest." Girl: "You need a hospital, mama." Mom: "No. If they find out -- they'll take you away from me. Send me back to Guatemala." The final panel shows a wisp of Ravens cape, the view zoomed out. Girl: "I know you want to protect me, but you need help now -- no matter what happens later." Raven: "Maybe I can help." End ID]

Titans: Titans Together #4

Similarly could ppl stop acting like rubber bullets are non lethal, everything the batfam uses can be lethal and cause scenes like above. Literally none of them can claim moral high ground they've all thrown batarangs in people's faces (off the top of my head, Jason nailed Dick with one in the face in BoC and Bruce got Jason in the neck in UTRH so there's the two characters at odds).

3. Jason/Bruce has never hurt an undeserving person. Jason isn't a mass murderer and you're slandering him. Bruce is the best dad ever you're an idiot for thinking otherwise.

...did you miss the times he tried to kill Tim? Or sprayed Dick with fear gas? Or shot Damian in the chest (not rubber bullets mind you). All of this happened in Battle of the Cowl. He poisoned 82 prisoners indiscriminately in Batman and Robin (2009) #23, went around killing random "thugs" in Brothers in Blood arc of Nightwing. Is it slander if he did it? Idk. If anyone can answer that lmk but everything is canon now so the point is moot.

And let me also say if everythings canon Bruce has also hurt/hit/abused his family (i don't have the specific issue numbers but runs that I've seen bad dad Bruce in are The New Titans, Batgirl (2000), Nightwing (1996), Tom Kings crap, RHATO rebirth, etc. I don't feel like going into detail but if hard pressed i will) don't try to paint me as a Bruce or Jason apologist/hater please

Also literally see the panel above 💀 the mom is an undocumented immigrant from Guatemala with an engineering degree she can't use because the US gov is literally fucking flaming garbage, so she had to take that job to provide for her daughter. Quit thinking extrajudicial murder/vigilantism is a woke take. No. Stop. Bad. Criminals have rights for a reason.

Can you choose to call the above things Jason and Bruce have done ooc and bad writing. Yep. Go ahead, be my guest. Just it's weird to me that ppl always seem to do it for one character and not the other. Like... that's not productive dialogue? And yeah both Jason and Bruce stans do this i just happened to see a post from a Jason stan so he got to be shamed first. If you think i think my fave is wrong, i literally made a post publically shaming him at one point, and wrote an entire fic dedicated to me pointing out why i think characters would hate him the most 🤷‍♀️ if someone read a comic that shows your fave in a bad light don't call them stupid for not liking that character just point them in the right direction and if you don't want to. Don't. Just block them. I'm tired of watching ppl act like their better than each other because they don't consider things canon (unless you stan a minority character and don't consider their racist/sexist writing canon in which case, same, you're the best ppl in this fandom)💀 or referencing fanon as canon and telling ppl to go read more comics 💀

Anyways the takeaways I've come out with are, this debate between the two is more than just morals, they've both wronged each other, and trying to simplify it down into victim and abuser is just - missing nuance and ignoring their full histories in my opinion and kinda just ends up flattening both characters and making both of them less relatable

[raydaug]

I found Sayaka’s speech to Yumeko just b4 their gamble rlly funny bc she’s talking about how Yumeko is so terrible for driving ppl to desperation and having no other goal than her own entertainment when she’s obsessed with a woman who does the exact same for seemingly the no different reasons

I like this question a lot. There’s a lot to chew on here, so thank you. 

You are right, Yumeko and Kirari are very much two sides of the same coin.But just as the metaphor implies, even though they share a common starting point (gambling), they face out in opposite directions. 

Visually, Kirari and Yumeko seem to be playing on the Red and Blue Oni myth, with Yumeko’s primary color being red and her personality being very...passionate, and Kirari’s primary visual signifier being blue while also having and much cooler personality. 

However, at this point, I think it’s just a visual reference or a simple coincidence. For those unaware, the myth of the Red and Blue Oni is, extremely loosely, that a Red Oni (Japanese Demon) wanted to befriend some humans, but he couldn’t because they saw him as a monster. His friend, the Blue Oni, decides to help him by pretending to attack the village so the Red Oni can fight him off. It works and the humans accept the Red Oni, but he can no longer see his old friend the Blue Oni now because the humans are scared of him. 

While if you squint hard enough, you could potentially see some similarities in this tale between Kirari and Yumeko, and it’s not impossible that the story going forward shapes into something like the above, as things stand right now I don’t see too many similarities beyond the visual motifs of the characters. There is another famous dichotomy that Kirari and Yumeko mirror, and this one has much more textual support; 

God and Satan.

Yumeko as Satan fits neatly into the most modern depictions of the Christian Devil. Yumeko is a seducer. She’s disarmingly attractive, sweet and polite, and uses these aspects of herself to  tempt people into giving in to their base desires for her amusement. Hell, Kirari outright calls Yumeko a “snake in the garden.” (CORRECTION: only in the anime) This is a reference both to Yumeko’s name (Jabami means “snake eater”) as well as the Book of Genesis, when Eve is tempted Satan in the form of a snake into disobeying God’s edict and eating the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil (keep in mind that this is a specifically Chrstian reading of Genesis, as the Devil as a singular embodiment of evil is not an idea that’s really present in the Torah). 

Kirari as God is much less obvious, but it’s still there if you are willing to dig a little.For starters, Japan, generally speaking, tends to view Christianity at best with curiosity and at worst with skepticism. There’s a tradition of portraying Chrstianity, or religions modeled after Christianity as the case may be, as evil or corrupt, primarily based on the rigid hierarchical structure of Christian Denominations (Catholicism in particular), which Shinto and Buddhism (the predominant religions of Japan, don’t really share. Kirari is at the head of Hyakkaou, her aquarium ,her Eden, with the student council as the enforcers of her will.

More specifically to Kirari though, Kirari seems to be riffing on the old theological and philosophical conundrum of the Problem of Evil. The Problem (or Question sometimes) of Evil is “if God is all good, all powerful, and all knowing, then why do bad things happen in the world?” The most common answer to this qandry is free will. God gave his creations free will and allows them to use it. 

This is the biggest and most important separation between Yumeko and Kirari. Yumeko pushes people to do things against their will for her own amusement. You can see this in her gamble with Mary where she boxes Mary into a corner but upping the stakes to a ridiculous level, or when she forced Manyuda to gamble with or, or with her second gamble with Yumemi when Yumemi was simply content to share the stage with Sumika but that wasn’t good enough for Yumeko. Yumeko is happy to be a nice, charming girl when you play along with her, but when you deny her her fun, she’ll drag you kicking and screaming back to the card table. 

In contrast, Kirari never makes people do things against their will and is a major advocate for people living according to their own desires. She sets up the games, explains the terms, but ultimately it’s the player’s choice if they choose to participate. We see this most clearly in the Tower of Doors arc. Kirari explains the terms of the gamble clearly and explicitly to Sayaka. She doesn’t ever withhold information, and she asks for Sayaka and Yumeko’s consent twice before starting the game, giving them both opportunities to back out if they didn’t want to continue. We see also in her conversation with Terano in Chapter 82 that she’s trying to push Terano to exercise her own free will instead of always prioritizing the needs of others over her own. 

Kirari gives people tools and watches what they do with them, while Yumeko pics up those tools and starts hitting everything she can with them. 

It is that distinction that I think Sayaka is calling out and how she can justify her attraction to and association with Kirari while viewing Yumeko with disdain. Kirari created something, a logical (if perverse) system that operates on cause and effect, input and output. Kirari doesn’t make people house pets. If you can pay your dues to the Student Council you never have to touch card or dice. And if you must gamble, Kirari isn’t forcing the student body to gamble more that they can afford and fall into debt. 

Yumeko in contrast is a force of destruction in the school. She upended the logical and orderly function of Hyakkaou and made one person a house pet and consigned another to a life plan for no other reason than her amusement. And that is arguably more monstrous than anything Kirari has done.

Akso, let me be abundantly clear: I AM NOT SAYING KIRARI AND YUMEKO ARE LITERALLY GOD AND THE DEVIL. Just that there is metaphor and allegory at play here.

[sukunas-play-thing]

Keigo Takami(Hawks) xFem!Reader

A/N: This.This sinful display was solely created for pure filth and depravity. I'm so horny for this Bird that I am literally. Writing a fic about fucking him, his ankles. And wings. Yes you heard me. Inspiration hit while talking to @lady-bakuhoe​ and she fully supported this. Also, real quick to that anon that sent me hate, including @makoodles​ rather you're the same anon or nah. We talk to each other. Remember that next time you send hate. this is a big fuck you to you. Because we don't need that negativity. How Dare you attack ppl under the ruse of Jo's name she kept apologizing to me because of YOU. So yeah Fuck you. And to those still reading this. I love you. And enjoy this Hawks smut. Y'know ya want it;)   

 ¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥

Warning: heavily NSFW content, ankle play (possible foot fetish?), wing play, orgasm denial, degradation, minor phone play?, body worship, cock warming, blow jobs, palming, choking, bondage. Whelp. Think that's it for that. 

Description: You and the № 2 hero suffer great sexual frustration due to lack of personal time together, constantly rescheduling, a lot of late nights lying in bed waiting for him to come home safe. You've finally. Had enough.

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Hawks x Fem!Reader

°Human Anatomy °

----------

"I'm sorry baby. I love you-"

 you deleted the voice message Keigo left you on your answering machine. This is the fourth -no FIFTH time he had to reschedule your date. And you were out right floored with anger. And it wasn't even Keigo's fault. "Stupid hero society. Stupid villains." You muttered to no one in particular as you could literally taste the acid in your mouth. If you saw anyone other than Hawks in this moment. You Would, could and will literally. Spit acid and burn through your humiliation and anger. Tossing your keys on a nearby vanity, throwing your coat on the ground you stomped off to the only place you could feel tranquil and relaxed. A long, scolding hot bubble bath with good tunes playing. You could cry. Thinking of the last time you two even had sex. Of course you shame yourself for being so selfish. It truly wasn't his fault, and you were not about to complain about him not having time for you, because it's just that. His job. His life's work. You went into this relationship fully respecting, and understanding exactly what you were getting yourself into. It took you years just to get Hawks in your bedroom, let alone as a couple for the mere fact the relationship was not allowed from the Hero safety commission. When word had gotten out about your relationship you heard from Keigo that they demanded it be cut off immediately. Why?  You weren't sure. Keigo never really told you as to why they manhandled his entire life to evolve purely on work alone. And you were far to respectful to press further on the issue. Instead biting your tongue with such Fury it nearly bled. And taking what you have with Keigo as luck. Yes. You were lucky to get this far with him, and Odin be damned if you gave up on him now. So now, here you were, angry, alone and on the verge of tears while you waited for your bath. Music played on deaf ears, the loneliness slowly creeping. Along with the throb of yearning and desperation between your thighs. You quivered. Moving your hands between your legs to relieve much needed friction. You could play with yourself, you could bring out your trusty vibrator, get a good orgasm and knock out for the night. But you shook the thought out of your head faster than you would blink. Because you didn't want a damn toy to please you. You were far past using toys at this point now, you needed, no craved Keigo. His whole being. You missed his smell, you missed his smile, his eyes, his hair, begrudgingly his wings regardless of the mess they'd leave behind. You whimpered out of pure want, that it hurt. You noticed the water nearly reaching over the tub. Quickly shutting it off you climbed off the edge and made a beeline for your room. Opening the door to the scent of his cologne. You inhaled it and sighed contented. A small smile gracing your features while rummaging through your drawers. While also looking through your closet for that lingerie set you bought ages ago. You stared at it sitting sinfully on your bed. It's vibrant colors desperately calling for you to wear it. Before feeling a pang in your heart. A small voice telling you you'll never be able to wear it for it's full potential, throwing it carelessly in your closet you went into the bathroom stripping and getting into the tub. ¥¥¥¥¥¥

 My neck is breaking, body shaking Sometimes it's so hard to breathe You took in a sharp inhale of breath. Closing your eyes as if the lyrics and musician was reaching into your heart and soul. But no one sees it follows me I always end up underneath You see Keigo's smile. See him laying next to you while you both talked, bodies still covered in sweat from your recent activities until the sun came up. The weight of the world Tears fell from your face. Emotions finally overtaking your entire being until you finally crack under the weight. Shooting up from the laying position you were in furiously wiping your face in disgust. This has gone long enough. As you were cleaning the bathroom up you hear the door closing and shuffling of feet padding against the cold floor. "Baby?." Your heart lept from your throat. Before rushing out of the bathroom seeing Keigo. All in his glory, standing at the threshold of the living room, eyes warn heavy with sleep and his hands in his pockets. You saw the way his face lit up. How his wings flexed upon your figure standing just a few feet away from your towel clad body. You didn't give him time to make another comment, before your body clashed against him. It's been far too long. He chuckles, regaining balance you almost knock out of him. Wings fully enveloping you into a tight, warm embrace as you took in his scent. "God I needed you so badly." You mumbled. Keigo let out a hearty breath. Before tightening his hold on you. "M'sorry baby. For Everything." Your half expecting him to make a sexual, cocky remark. But still enjoyed this glow. Of warmth, safety and love from just the hug. Before you felt the body numbing throb in your loins. You felt you slick pool from your core and you nearly salivate at the thought of him taking you right here on the floor. The feeling was so overwhelming that you mewled deliciously in his chest. Wings feathering up sending a jolt straight to his cock he moaned.

"Damn babe. Can't even make me dinner first?." There it was. 

You slapped his chest playfully before sauntering off into your room. Of course without rolling your hips that reeks of needing dick down. Keigo's eyes never leaving your form. Blood rushing to his dick straining his pants even tighter. He began walking towards the bedroom while simultaneously rubbing himself of the tension. "I wasn't expecting you back until later. Hadn't had time to cook." His smirk soon fell into a frown. She must've been so upset with the cancellation she didn't bother cooking. His heart fell with guilt head low while he mumbled another 'Sorry.' Under his breath. He quickly discarded his over-sized jacket, eyewear and headset on the floor carelessly and flopping on the bed. 

Granted it should've hurt the base of his wings, but they merely unfolded and layed lazily across the bed, the one wing dangling off the side. Turning your head you would've scolded him for leaving a mess. But he ended up making a mess of you. You could see his delicious dick print through his trousers, heavy and hard. Watching the small rise and fall of his chest, seeing how his under shirt hugged his upper body, you rubbed your thighs together for much needed friction. Still clad in your towel, you walked over to the front of the bed, his eyes lidded watching you as you helped take off his shoes for him.   "Why don't ya take that towel off for me too pretty bird." Your body froze. He let out a throaty, husky groan. "Do it for Daddy."

As you were yanking the bastard off your needy body, the sheer excitedness disappeared as fast at it came when his phones call ringtone filled the once quiet room. All tranquility gone along with your last straw. Keigo instinctively took it out and answered, much to your dismay. Not that he wanted to fuck you over in this moment, it's out of pure habit. "Yes?." His voice said from the other side of the phone. Before watching his eyes roll and a grumble escaped his mouth. Lifting a finger he mouthed "meeting. One moment." It was your turn to roll your eyes. Canceling dates is one thing. But right as he's about to get his dick wet? Fucking demented. "Yes I'll hold." His voice brought you from you angry monologue. You shifted in place as Keigo kept mouthing apologies, while he was speaking, you decided to act now, or forever hold your peace. Crawling your way towards his limp body, Keigo almost didn't realize you were hovering right above him until it was too late. He stopped abruptly, watching you with calculate eyes. Before you leaned down and began suckling his skin shown just above the neckline of his hero shirt. His eyes closed in bliss as his cock rose to life instantaneously. It' astounds him the power you have over his body. His Dick was completely flaccid until now, you bit down on his sweet spot as he let out a throaty moan. Which in turn shot a pleasurable jolt to your pussy. Eliciting a moan from you. "Fuck baby." He went to run his hands through your tresses to bring your body much closer, "Excuse me what was that Hawks." The voice rang from the other side. He felt as if he was caught with his hand down the cookie jar, while he quickly reflexes his hand away embarrassed, you couldn't help the playful giggle erupt from your plush lips. Lips he wanted around his cock and on his awaiting lips. "N'othin sir. Continue." He tried to wave you off to keep himself put together. 'such a Meek little bird.' you thought to yourself. Before lowering yourself down till you were eye level with his hard member. You licked your lips, eyes darting up to watch him carefully. Before your tongue came out and swiped at the zipper of his jeans. Keigo's eyes widened his head shooting up to look down at you so fast he nearly gave himself whiplash. 'She wouldn't Dare..' He thought to himself. 'fuck' he inwardly groaned as she quickly undid his pants and yanked them down to his thighs. Cock springing free from it's confines as his head lolled back in pleasure. Letting out baited breath while still maintaining a composed voice for the meeting. You began quick work not giving Keigo time to compose himself, before meekly giving his thick throbbing cock a long lick from base, to head. Keigo's eyes shut tightly and hissed out in pleasure. Hand balled up into a tight fist, he muttered a 'not now baby' before you cut him off by shoving his cock deep in your mouth. You gagged, but refused to let up before bobbing your head with determined vigor. Either he'll hang up or don't. You didn't give a fuck anymore.  Keigo let out a loud guttural moan, before cursing himself as an angry voice was heard from the other side.

"I-I-. " his hand grabbed your hair. "I STUBBED MY TOE." You threw your head back from his cock with a 'pop' sound covering your mouth stifling your laughter. You could die at how embarrassed and flustered Keigo was right now. His face red as his wings, while being yelled at by meeting goers on the other side of the phone. Once you contained yourself you smiled coyly at Keigo. Very same cat like grin he'd give you before. "If they wanted a meeting." You said while crawling your way towards him, and whispering in his ear. "They can call you at a more respectful time. Because this is." You kissed his cheek. "Our time." Keigo mentally screamed. He was torn between attending this meeting now, and fucking your brains out. Clearly the later was already decided, as he felt your hot, throbbing wet sex lay flat against his shaft. His pupils dilated in lust while he kept eye contact with you. 

Your eyes lidded over, while your hips rolled up and down motions on his sex. He watched with baited breath, yearning a playful lip bite from you, as you began riding his shaft with so much sex appeal it should be Rated triple X. Something in Keigo snapped, and he found himself smothering you in a heated kiss. His tongue prodding at your plump lips begging for entrance. Which you happily obliged eagerly fighting his appendage for dominance. And Dominance you will get, for you moved your hand between your bodies while grinding against his cock, wrapping your hands around his neck snugly while Keigo gasped in surprised with how you were handling him. "Shhh." His eyes opened. "Let's not piss off your bastard bosses." Your head cocked to the side as you stilled your movements, body downright on fire at this point. 

He can feel your pussy clench around nothing while warming his cock. His smirk soon found it's way on his handsome features, almost causing you to mewl in pleasure from how hot he looked. "Do your worst birdie." Little bastard. As he began talking freely about a recent mission he completed, your eyes narrowed while his eyes would occasionally dart towards you. His newfound cockiness pissing you off further, before finally removing yourself from his body completely. Keigo's once confident smirk turned into a sputter of protests before he watched you move yourself above the top of his wing, his eyes widened in horror.

"What the fuck." He said aloud, voices falling on deaf ears as he watched you lower yourself enough to add friction but not too much weight to keep from hurting his wings. And begun grinding against the sturdiest part of the Appendage. He should be livid that you'd use his wings in such a way. "Babe. Don't-." Words cut short while he watches your face contort in sinful pleasure. Hands moving to play with your breasts, pulling the pert, hardened nipples between your fingers, while throwing your head back and letting out a breathless moan. He shouldn't. 

He really shouldn't indulge in this fucked up behavior. But- he focused on his feathers, moving them lightning speed, sending jolts of pleasure throughout your over stimulated, heated body. His cock twitched, and throbbed in pain at this point. Aching to be touched. Missing your heat. His hand absent-mindedly running down his chest, stomach eventually touching his cock. He gave himself and long tug, precum oozing from the head. Using it to lubricate himself for easier use. Finally the meeting was cut short, something something catch ya later assholes. Keigo quickly tossed his phone to the floor eyes still glued to you as another In coming call was arriving. Little did Keigo know he unintentionally answered the call. You finally let out the loudest moan possible. 

The vibrations of his feathers reaching the base of the wing. Your grinding becoming erratic. Uncaring of the pain he begun feeling Keigo begun working his cock to match your pace. His groans and throaty chuckles filled the air. Fuck you were so hot riding his wing. His orgasm fast approaching he could feel his lower abdomen flex, as his peak was nearly broken his hand was yanked from his cock, eyes shooting open you were back hovering over him with a sinister glint in your eye. Holy fuck that shouldn't turn him on anymore than he already was, before he knew it you sank down on his cock. "HOLY. FUCK. (NAME)." 

you used a rag you brought from the bathroom and covered his eyes with, and then he felt his hands bound and tied to the headboard. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He then felt your body shift off his cock. He whimpered, begged for you to come back. "You make me wait all this time. And you think I'm going to give you what you want Birdie?." He inwardly gulped at your harsh tone. Cock throbbing yet again. He moaned again as he felt you place opened mouth kisses to his stomach before lifting his shirt. Having his front bare. He looked so pretty like this. Wings splayed out. Hands tied, eyes bound. Pants to his thighs and a sheen layer of sweat causing his hair to cling to his face. Legs trembling and his member sprung to life. A panting, horny mess he was, Keigo.

You admired the view as you took a photo for. Later activities. Removing yourself further down, Keigo focused as hard as he could to figure out what you were up to. She already denied his orgasm. And now this?  Fuck he's tormented. She ripped his shirt completely open, he nearly nutted on the spot. "Don't you dare cum Keigo." Fuuuuuuuuuck. He threw his head back down, you began leaving hot kisses and love bites along his neck, chest, hip, inner groin, thighs. Murmuring how beautiful and good he's being. His hands fought the restraints, wishing, praying that he could touch you. Give you his complete utter attention that you so craved. Seems the roles are reversed, and that he's just going to have to hold on. After leaving your fill of marks on his gorgeous skin, you so in begun straddling his right leg. He bounced it in surprise, which enticed a moan from you. "Pretty Bird?" He asked voice barely a whisper. His ankle barely brushed your clit. You bit your lip. Before grinding on his ankle. Subtle. Keigo is writhing against the restraints, refusing the let you come undone by this. 

"Baby.. Please." He knew he sounded pathetic Knew his pleads are going on deaf ears. He jerked his foot upwards, your head thrown back in ecstasy. 

He turned his foot sideways, your clit rubbing against the ball connecting his ankle and joints. You rolled your hips against the bone like a women starved. Your back arching, sweating dripping down your back. Keigo used his feathers to remove the blindfold and cut the restraints then thrown on your back before you could process what was happening. 

"You're not getting off on my ankle little cumslut." 

He threw his trousers off as he crawled back over to you legs spread wide for him as you wrapped your hand around his throat he was so far gone in lust to even care, infact. It further aroused him. Eyes blown completely he bored through you. Chest heaving and panting heavily. In one fell swoop buried balls deep in your shopping cunt. The shrill shriek that left your parted lips pushed Keigo last the teasing. And went at a full blown mind numbing feral pace. He was breathing fast and heavy through his nose while he let out husky groans. Your hand begun digging into the flesh of his neck nearly cutting off circulation but he didn't care. All he cared about was the feeling of your wet cunt sucking his cock in ways he liked. His hands found their way on either side of your head, finding home at the edge of the bed before setting a fast pace, pistoning his pelvis against yours at inhuman speeds.

Your breasts bounced at the sheer force, knocking the air right out of you. Wrapping your legs tight around his waist drawing him deeper and harder into your heat. Keigo was fast. Almost too fast for your mind to process anything at this point, except his thick cock brushing your spongy spot that made you see stars, "you like that birdie?  Like it when I drive my fat cock in your pussy?." He was taunting you, edging you on. "Cum on this cock like the pretty slut that you are." His grunts getting closer together in between pants. His breath heavy. Wings curling in shutting yourselves from the world.

 "Yes Kei-Yesyesyesyesyes-." The dam in your stomach threatened to break. To spill all your secrets onto the bare walls of the bedroom everything long forgotten in the combined heats of your bodies. Mind fogging over in pure haze as your climax came crashing down on you. So much so you screamed till your throat burned. Keigo soon came undone by the tight vice grip your cunt had on his cock. Hot sticky spurts of cum shooting inside your womb. And painting your walls white. His head threw back and let out such a delicious moan you nearly - "Oh-FuKEIGO." You thought you had just pissed yourself, but soon noticed clear hot liquid shooting out of your pussy and covering both you and Keigo. 

You had squirted. Bodies lay limp on damp wet sheets while you both tried to catch your breath. Sweat and your liquids mingling together. Keigo landed flat against you, face in the Crook of your neck. Wings splayed out across the entire bed. And that's how you both laid for the longest time. Completely spent and ruined. When you both came down from your highs, Keigo lifted his face to look at you, smile adorned his rather flushed expression. Eyes softened, and an afterglow you wish you could commemorate to memory. He looked stunning. He kissed you with careless abandon. While stroking your cheek tenderly. Affection far different compared to his earlier treatment. He was in bliss. After your fill of that You both got cleaned up, and got back into bed before turning in for the night, while having mindless chatter before sleep finally succumbed you both. Keigo should've been careful though. In the midst of his heated lust. He didn't realize the phone call was still running. 

Before the man on the other end finally hung up.

Cerulean Eyes peering out into the quiet night lit city outside his window. 

 ¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥

A/N: I proofread as much I could while stoned Af so please bear with my shitytness. 

[itsclydebitches]

ngl voyager gets a whole lot of very disproportional hate from the fandom and i'd hazard a guess that a lot of that is just garden-variety misogyny (and probably racism mixed in, considering how many of the most prominent characters are women, poc, or both). like, is voyager perfect? absolutely not. and no spoilers but there was a lot of executive meddling that wound up leading to the finale/conclusion being lacking and there's a lot of reasonable dissatisfaction with that--but again that was largely thanks to the execs fucking the show over and i recommend looking into that if you can once you've finished the show. but overall? voyager is trek right to its very core--it has heart, it's about family, and it never loses sight of that imo, even if some episodes are weaker or just duds (but, like, would it be a trek series without some episodes that just kinda suck but are still fun to watch???)

anyway, i absolutely love that you're getting into voyager, it is my all-time favorite trek series to this day for a lot of reasons, and i hope that ppl like that anon dont put you off bc i'd love to continue to see your thoughts as you watch the series!

Oh, it would take a whole lot more than some anons being salty that others enjoy things to turn me off :D 

Thus far (I lost internet last night so I’m still only on Episode 7 of Season 2), Voyager is the Trekiest Trek I’ve watched. Which is a weird sentence, but I mean it in the way you said it’s “trek right to its very core.” What is Star Trek, if we strip the intent of the story down to its basics? It’s about exploration, discovery, that “wagon train to the stars,” wrapped up in the argument that life is fundamentally good. We have problems, but we can work past them. We have differences, but they strengthen us. Diversity is the lifeblood of the universe and the future will continue to improve so long as we embrace that. 

Voyager is (again, from what I’ve seen so far!) basically a love song to that premise. I didn’t do too deep a dive because I’m trying to avoid spoilers, but I did look at a couple threads discussing why Voyager is so hated. Again and again I saw the same reason pop up: wasted potential. Now, a lot of fans left it at that (as if the answer to what potential Voyager apparently missed out on is self-evident. It’s not), but those who did expand on the idea consistently claimed that the show needed to be darker than it was, even if they rarely said it like that. Why aren’t the Federation and the Marquis at each other’s throats? Why isn’t the crew going crazy under these circumstances? Why aren’t characters getting killed off left and right in hostile space? “Anything could have happened out there and they played it safe!” but the “anything” here is always... awful. There’s this very pervasive idea that the world is inherently cruel, people are inherently divisive, that when pushed to the brink everything will fall apart... and that (while making for one kind of great story) is very much not Star Trek. 

See, Voyager created an unimaginable scenario--lost in space, 75 years from home, forced to live indefinitely with strangers--and their answer to the question of “What happens?” is “People make it work.” They learn to respect one another, they uphold their ideals, they maintain a love of life and discovery, and they create a family. And that’s fucking fantastic. That’s Star Trek! I’m not going to pretend there aren’t problems with the show, with plenty more to come, I’m sure, but I don’t think this is one of them. Why do so many viewers think that hatred, horror, death, and growing jaded is the only potential here? Why would they expect that in a Star Trek show whose premise is the very antithesis of those things? 

“But they don’t do enough with those things, even if they have happy outcomes.” They do plenty, they just do it in an episodic rather than serialized nature. I can point to multiple episodes where the replicator rations or Maquis differences are driving the characters’ actions. “But without that horror there’s no conflict.” There’s plenty of conflict. Hostile aliens aside, I just watched an episode where Tuvok and Chakotay are pissed as hell at one another because they fundamentally disagree over how to handle problems, but--because they’re adults with a well-tested respect for one another--they apologize and work through it. “But the characters don’t develop at all.” You mean they don’t grow harder. That’s not the same thing as no development. Tuvok is figuring out how to be more flexible, Chakotay is becoming more willing to accept cultures he doesn’t agree with, Harry is growing more confident now that he’s far from home, the Doctor is learning to see himself as a person, Paris is grabbing his second chance with both hands by making strong ties, and Janeway is learning to command and care for her crew simultaneously. I honestly believe that a lot of people think of “character development” as the character becoming a fundamentally different person, unrecognizable from where they started out. But  characters can also grow into the people they wanted to be in the first place. “We’re far from home, in hostile territory, tempted to do horrific things to survive... but no. Right now at least, we’re holding onto who we are. We’re scientists, so we’re going to explore and learn. We’re peaceful, so we’re going to make friends with as many species as we can. We’re members of a society that teaches acceptance, so we’re going to form a family on this spaceship.” That’s incredible!! Did fans miss why Seska was an antagonist in the episode she was unmasked? Because she was trying to convince them to give up everything they believe in in the name of survival, an ends justify the means argument. And the crew said no, we will not give up what we believe in just to make it through. I legit saw a ton of fans saying some version of, “I can’t believe they were that far from home and actually followed Starfleet’s rulebook.” It’s because those rules don’t exist for the hell of it. Overlooking their practical function, they’re a philosophy that the characters believe in, and they’re figuring out how important that part of their identity is to them under these circumstances. Am I willing to steal a specie’s technology if it gets us home? Am I willing to die to help another uphold their own philosophy? (Chakotay in “Imitations”). What regulations should we bend or change to accommodate our new situation? The first two things Janeway does are a) giving the guy who just came out of a penal colony a rank and b) deciding that she needs to be more familiar with her crew than is normally encouraged for a captain because she’s essentially their mom now. Developing doesn’t have to mean characters do a 180 on their initial personality, or characters getting killed off when stuff gets “boring” so that others can do edgy things in response. 

Voyager upholds Trek’s premise and runs it to its logical conclusion: 

Voyager has the most literal trek--a trek back home. 

Voyager has the most diverse crew--a woman Captain, Native American First officer, black Vulcan, Asian-American communications officer, and a White Dude pilot that realizes he wants to be soft and kind towards those who took a chance on him because Toxic Masculinity who? 

Voyager has the most literal family--not just a 5+ year mission, but a crew who expects to raise the next generation. They have no choice but to work together, so they indeed come together rather than pulling apart

Except they do, of course, have a choice. In “The 37′s” the crew is allowed to stay on the Earth-like planet with a city of other humans and Janeway is convinced that a sizable number will choose that. After all, they may never get home and this is a safer, kinder future for them. In fact, the real question is whether so many will stay that they can no longer run the ship... but Janeway would never dictate her crew’s choices in that manner. So she swallows her worry down, opens the door... 

... and finds that not a single person decided to stay behind. And the show has ensured we understand that this is not just because they all have some unshakable belief that they’ll get home (many don’t), but because this is their family now. This is home. 

And fans want to toss that out for a generic, gritty, sci-fi adventure where hope is scarce, the universe is cruel, and people need to be pushed to the limit just to admit that they maybe, sort of, like each other?? Obviously like what you like, but that’s a hard pass for me. I’ll take the bridge crew comforting each other in “Twisted,” thanks. Besides, we already have shows like that. And we already have DS9 which grapples with many of those dark, pessimistic themes. Voyager feels like a breath of fresh air, even within the breath of fresh air that is Star Trek as a franchise. It’s a show that says, “Yes, when everything goes wrong people will come together. They will love each other. They will make it through.” 

What’s more Star Trek than that? 

[ascaryghost]

Hey I’m the anon who asked about the 💩 and can I just say - THANK you SO much for being so open and honest about something like that because yeah it must feel so uncomfy to unconcerned those memories but I want you to know (if you don’t know already) how insanely helpful it is to read stories like that when you’re struggling with the ideas of “wanting to be sicker” - everyone always talks about how “you’ll be cold all the time!!! So boys will give u sweaters!!!” Nobody talks about the literal shutting your pants in public but because you’re exercising still not taking that as the cue to go straight home - literalky insanely helpful to read and I’m so proud of how far you’ve come in your recovery that you can flat out say “it wasn’t worth it” - I was half expecting the ask to not even be answered so I truly can’t thank you enough for sharing this 🌼🌼🌼you’re a fucking warrior and a champion and I LOVE you ❤️❤️❤️

yea it was honestly no problem sharing that story and i think its rly important as well. and yea istg boys were scared of me (which hm, tbh kinda pog at least they stayed away lol /hj) and did defintily not give me their sweaters, in fact i had to suffer in the winter when the stupid boys opened the classroom windows and i sat there dying of coldness. And the ed coldness isnt glorious its like u literally have no body heat. to anyone who haven't gone through it, think of it like this - everybody has a small little fire deep inside, so even when ur in cold weather ur not cold all the way through. ed cold u dont have that fire and coldness just completely fills you and runs through you and you would do literally anything to get warm again but no amount of layers is enough because really what you are missing is internal warmth and its rly rly rly horrible.

but abt the recovery part, ive gone through recovery but im relapsed like i just wanna make it rly rly clear that what im doing isnt recovery and im def not in a healthy mindset like pls dont do what im doing. i went through recovery and relapsed so that + my experiences w hospitalization and literally being at death's door made me have a very complicated relationship with my ed. like i feel like im rly good at being like "ok no no no we need to fucking eat something rn." like pulling myself up when i go to deep etc cause i never ever wanna go back to where i was before my failed recovery and i know this is what every person with an ed says and then fucking die like years later but i honestly feel like im good at handling my ed so i dont go too deep. Like i dont have any desire to be bonespx because i have been and it sucked, i dont feel invalid bc i dont 'look anorexic enough' like a lot of ed ppl do etc. But yea the sick thing abt eds is that even though u know what ur doing isnt worth it and unhealthy you can still keep getting pulled back into it tbh i have to remind myself a lot of how things used to be to keep myself from falling down the hole. as soon as i find myself looking at bxnespo and thinking "waittt actually..." i have to just stop and make sure i don't go deeper. Anyways my point was pls everyone practice harm reduction this way too, not only keeping something sweet with you in case u feel dizzy etc but please practice it in your mind too. You have to do everything you can to stop yourself from falling too deep into this.<33 pls <33

anyways i love you too even though idk who u are but you seem like a wonderfully sweet person and im sorry all my answers are so long and rambly but like i dont wanna half assedly answer these things bc they are so important i feel like i rly need to explain them thoroughly to make sure nobody gets the wrong msg etc.<3