#gonna be a long few months guys
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opening tumblr to see people debating Why The Season Finale Sucked or Why The Season Finale Is Actually a Secret Masterpiece or Secret Third Thing for the five thousandth time this month
#not mad or anything just bored as hell LMAO#personally speaking i'd rather we talk about something else#indiposts#ml#topics the ml fandom will not get bored of for the next year:#was the finale bad? amelie or emilie? was gabriel redeemed? Wish Bad?#and every variation thereof#gonna be a long few months guys#well at least people have mostly stopped bitching about the senti thing
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you said bribes?? :> 40 whole seconds ago??
and i do love smallidarity so win-win! (love boat boys too, but i'm an ethubs shipper till the end)
speaking of ethubs... could i request something fluffy with Etho and Bdubs? whatever you're in the mood for with 'em! romantic or platonic!
Pick up your lanky ass minecraft-boyfriend bridal-style! Why? Well, it’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free!
#my art#asks#thatonewatercat#ethubs#divorce duo#etho#ethoslab#etho fanart#ethoslab fanart#bdubs#bdubs fanart#bdouble0100#bdouble100 fanart#hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#hermitshipping#thank you tumblr user thatonewatercat for giving me an excuse to rework my bdubs design! and also an excuse to draw a silly etho because-#-he's one of my favorites of my designs. not sure why he's just fun to draw.#and not they're BOTH fun to draw!#Anyways they've technically got the same haircut. Bdubs just gets it cut more regularly whereas etho doesn't remember to cut it as often#but they got matching haircuts one time and now it's just the default that the both of them get every time#also for reference my bdubs is a halfling(aka hobbit) and woodelf cross-- he just more heavily resembles a halfling. doesn't have the nose-#-marking though!#and my etho is human adjacent? I had him as a wolfwalker but I might make him a normal guy again idk#also final note sorry this has taken so long. and also sorry to the other ask in my inbox from the LAST poll I took bribes for. it's been-#-months. I'll get to it after artfight I prommy#oh and also all the other ask requests... the canon/fanon/mine has quite a few im gonna need to get on those
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yeah i'm gonna be having fun with this new blog (specialized-rexan). as noted in its description for the full Lulu experience:
tags to use atm: #lulu, #lulu vibes, #meta or headcanon, #apples, #duckies, #pancakes
#hazbin hotel#lucifer morningstar#hazbin lucifer#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin lucifer morningstar#...i considered adding a 'CharChar' tag and i'm considering it even more now after i typed 'for the full lulu experience'#it's not an rp blog because i'm lazy lol#it'll be a blog that changes with my hyperfixations but this Hazbin Lucifer one's gonna stick around pretty strong for#at least a few more months probably. probably a year+ lol#i love this guy. haven't been so inspired to draw so much for so long.#(probably there's gonna be minimal of my art over there 'cause i'm still not wildly prolific) (but i'm just having a good time all around)
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Friendship is the most special thing in the world because no award could be give me bigger happiness than jumping around in my room and smiling because my pookie asked me if I wanted to match pfps
#SHES AMAZING I LOVE HER AHHHHH#I hope we manage to find a cute bsd pfp it would be literally my dream#little vent tw!!#it's been so long since I matched pfps last time was with my ex who started being wayyyyy too weird..#and the other time was with a friend who started ghosting me some months later just because I didnt give her enough adopt me pets or smth 💔#and like. her stopping talking to be literally broke me as a person. it was devastanting for like 13yo me#woahhh thank you k. now I have social anxiety and keep dobting whether people really want me there or not#I still have a sort of love hate relationship w her but like its been over 2 years maybe 3 why do I still care abt it sm :<#especially since our other bestie is wayy more affectionate w k than w me it just makes me feel so weird like im sort of a 3rd wheel#but at least the friend im gonna match with is the sweetest person ever and we can be silly together :333#unfortunately we only know eachother from a course so we always have to wait 2 weeks to see eachother#and even tho i still see k almost every day shes pretty different now#but ive been feeling so so happy the last few days since school started and im afraid I might go back to being how I was when she returns#because. I bet my two friends will keep being silly together and ill have to sit w my ex again cuz hes still part of our friend group#I mean hes a nice and funny guy but I figured that a relationship wont work with us. I tried it and I just wanna be friends#I have a lot of fun w him but like in a platonic way#and im afraid he still thinks we should be together#meanwhile my besties keep flirting w eachother like??#I mean its pretty funny as a joke but I cant help but feeling kinda jealous especially because I used to have a huge crush in one of them#talked a bit too much ooopssss#Im just trying to move on but I hope k coming back doesnt start everything over again#anyways!! I love my bestie from the course smmmmmm Im still so so happy :D wish we could see eachother more#random stuff#chaos#friendship#violet rambles
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Finally done with teen wolf rewatch. Phew
#took me like 3 months#thought I was gonna watch a few eisodes I like because I was feeling nostalgic one evening now I finished the whole thing lol#not the movie tho I don't vibe with it#one of a few things I noticed is that scott smiles fondly at stiles' remarks a lot :')#anyway thinking about how each character change along the way#lydia is like a completely different character from the first seasons#since I'm biased I love the dynamic change with scott and stiles#like they kinda swapped roles a bit but still remain themselves??#scott develops from an awkward teen only caring about living normal life when he has more people to protect and learning to become a leader#he's almost unrecognizable from the first ep too#for stiles. he has character development of course but I think he himself hasn't changed much#even if he said they're not kids running in the woods anymore#he's still the mischievous sarcastic lil guy we know showing up at scott's house. running around looking for trouble & helping people#he always has that dark & anxious side#it's us that know more and more about different sides of him as the story goes on#from the start it's just the two of them against the world. now they're holding hands with their friends facing the world#anyway this show did get a little weird and inconsistent which is not surprising consider how long it went#the scripts also revolve around actor/actress availability also#so many characters with interesting dynamic what wasn't given time to explore#free real estate for us fans
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I cannot believe the wicked games Drabble was 5000 words long like basically a full ass fic and the low amount of notes it got…
#it makes my heart literally SINK like…#now how am I supposed to post wg4 which is 25k words????#it will not get any interaction and I’m just done#like I just cannot post it#it’ll legit kill me 🥲🥲🥲🥲 to see it flop#after I poured my heart and soul into writing something so fucking long and making sure it was good#just bc I knew I had to give you guys something long and exciting to read#but what’s the point#like I cannot believe it… I literally just cannot believe it and I don’t want to post anything anymore#omfg#I know many people will read this and roll their eyes and find this annoying#like I’m complaining or whatever#honestly think what you want to think#I’m just so shocked and legit unhappy#like so fucking unhappy#like bummed the fuck out#that it’s come to this#I don’t wanna post shit anymore lol#idk if it’s the algorithm or genuinely people don’t fuck with my fics anymore#I just don’t understand#but you guys have to understand how it would kill me on the inside if I posted a 25k fic and it got next to no interaction#like I just….#I’m scared it would make me quit writing completely#bc I’m THIS close#I feel so fucking sad bro idek#like it makes me wanna fucking cry#how… a few months ago everything was fine#now it feels like everyone’s gone#and I wasted my fucking time writing a chapter so fucking long that no one’s gonna read#WHY DID I WASTE MY TIME
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No matter what color your hair is
When it turns to dusk, it gets dyed by the sunlight,
Such a deep red
#risk.png#dnd#ocs#artists on tumblr#pink#??? idk I didn't know what else to put as the 5th tag. anyways hi for the love of god hello Look At Them#I didn't think I was gonna get the chance to post this for at least a few more months I'm so happy#it's a modern!au drawing of my guy ashton and his bonded pair 'nettle' based on like spvtw aes#because I love them so much I'm very normal over them I don't think about them 24/7 what do you mean#I could talk for so long abt the modern dnd au my friend group has it's silly it's emotional it's very cliche and I love it#but yeah. please look at them. Please Look At Them
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weekly reminder that i'm not dead, just workin' on myself!
#chickenparm deep lore#word vomit in tags incoming#things have been Not Great for the past few months but we're getting better!#i been going to therapy and seeing a psychiatrist#and working on getting my brain in a better place so i can function at the level i want to#i'm almost there i can TASTE it#anyway thank you guys for being patient while i haven't been writing a damn thing#and also all the silco people that haven't ran from me yet when the genshin plague struck me#and if you're just here cause you like me well then i like you too buddy#but yeah#sit tight for the follower milestone requests to be filled#and also my 30-idea long to do list for tartaglia fics#and whatever the fuck is gonna happen to lyney once i have him in my grasp
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Happy 10th birthday to The Song Ever
#guys can u believe its been 10 years i feel so old bsksdjlka#ylvis#what does the fox say#my art#artists on tumblr#sketch#gonna write a novel in the tags now so:#i havent drawn anything in a few months bc ive been dealing with medical stuff#this sketch was supposed to become a full painting and it was gonna be awesome and the composition was gonna be great etc etc#this sketch has been in my files since late june lmao thats how long its been since i drew anything#so yes i am very disappointed that i couldnt finish it but since it's such a momentus occasion I thought I'd post this mess anyway :')#I just really wanted to commemorate it as (and sorry for getting all depressing here lol) ...#... it was kinda the last thing that brought me a whole lot of joy before a lot of shit started going on in the family that basically ...#... ended my childhood (metaphorically)#anyways i loved it when it came out i listened to it constantly along with their song stonehenge (which i still listen to occasionally hjsd#and truckers hitch when that came out about a year later i think#ANYWay sorry for rambling and being a sad little guy in the tags lol enjoy the art and listen to the song :D
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"Back by unpopular demand:"
"Us!"
#[*trips and falls to the ground like that one pepe frog meme but dramatically explodes into a million pieces instead* hi hi]#[i'll start by apologizing and thanking y'all for your patience bc wheew its been almost 2 months since my last post holy shittt]#[mental health along with intrusive thoughts and stuff have been absolute ass and still are right now]#[not gonna go into much detail bc i'm dealing with tons of bad stuff and negativity but yeah]#[at this point i aint even going to say 'im back!' bc everytime i do some even more terrible shit happens irl so naw]#[i also can't promise thread replies today bc i already know i'll likely not be able to finish any]#[but i will try to at least start working on some of them ;v;]#[other than that please feel free to send in stuff if you wish!]#[i haven't been around in so long that i feel completely rusty and out of the loop rn]#[but i think i'll start with the few asks i was unable to get to last time]#[if you guys who sent them see this: i'm sorry for the super looooong wait and thank you so much for your patience!!! <3]#[hope everyone's having a lovely day/night!!! <3]#;ic#(?#;ooc#(??#[the world will never truly know *x files music plays*]
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Jobs for someone not cut out for real life but who excels at mimicry
#idfk#im like good at saying the right thing but i feel like in my heart i know#im a failure#i am not good at anything really in any stunning way. im ugly im hard to talk to#im good at liking many niches of music. im good at roleplay. im good at having fun sometimes#idk. i was so chipper last week#i feel like a pagliacci stupid clown whose life is in crumbles around him#i cant keep talking to people and seeing the contempt in their eyes when i fumble my words#i have a stutter now like. howd that happen i didnt when i was a kid#but a couple years ago it started and its been. worse in the last few months#im so like. i feel like such a failure#likea fake person who had so many opportunities to make my life real#pinocchioesque maybe#ughhh#im just feeling sorry for myself sorry guys#im trying to draw here at 1 am bc. i kinda drew something kinda nice the other night but#every compliment ive ever gotten feels unearned and like. a social lie#like imposter syndrome but im an imbecile for real and also the lamest person ever#i cant make friends. i seem to be annoying in an unnameable way to everyone who has ever met me but no one will have the decency to tell me#why#i have been longing for the past a bit lately too. nothing in particular though? just like.... how i felt about the future when i was young#and full of hope#i had a horrible childhood. i didnt enjoy being there and my dad always seemed preoccupied with the fact i would grow up and not want to#be his friend anymore?#but in an adult now and he seems to never have time for me#and he didnt back then either idk#i guess im sensitive to that. and i struggle myself#if smthing is transitory its unreliable and therefore i should wait it out#haha learned behavior!!! autism!!!! but god i feel so lonely and stupid. im gonna#draw my teddy bear giving me a hug
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"tai write more fanfiction" you said. and the monkeys paw curls a twisted finger.
#txt#write tag#and this is gonna be a long one so you guys better be prepared for me being the most annoying guy ever for a few months#disventure camp#campamento desventura#fasl tag
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I usually leave my DMs open universally for comm requests, but that horse is dead and I'm putting dms on just for people I follow again <3
#time and time again I post a picture of myself and time and time again I get got#and then a few long months later I'm like after all why not#why shouldn’t I post a picture of myself#that being said credit where credit is due telling me I'm cute is definitely not the worst I've ever gotten#so it's all good#I'm just not gonna answer esp if you follow my ART BLOG because of my face#in retrospect I was completely wrong to post 1 photo of myself I guess#just don't want a repeat of that guy who followed me and was like here I followed you now you have to pay attention to me and asked me like#increasingly strange questions about Kyle McLachlan and Isabella Rossellini's sex scene in blue velvet#and what my favorite part of it was#full disclosure blue velvet is not even that graphic#and then I was like “what possessed this person...” but then I remembered there was 1 picture of me on this blog and I was like “Oh yeah”#and deleted it#so in retrospect again I have nothing to say for myself#*turns my blog into an actual blog and then gets cursed by a witch who wishes me to only post art* “get her ass”#anyway#wmp talks
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aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.
#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol#anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly#but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size#acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years#and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating#(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive#when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time)#and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die.#and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well#and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom#and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao#like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is#anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus.#but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333#god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by#but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr#anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help.#but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation.#i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.
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Working on my red hood cosplay again .. making like. Good progress on it for once .. maybe I’ll even finish it this time .. like 6 years in the making lmao
#did you know that I’m actually so so normal about him. most normallest guy on earth even <-lying#I’m repainting my motorcycle helmet helmet soon I just gotta fill a few holes and I’m gonna sew the emblem onto a base layer shirt and clean#the leather jacket I found and then it’s just on waiting for things that I ordered to come (on sale dirt biking shin/knee guards and#body armor and a little hoodie vest loll#long haul I did order an actual red hood helmet from a cosplayer I’ve followed for years now but that’ll be a few more months until its done#OH and I gotta make a domino mask but still >:) it’s all coming together#I can post pictures when I’m home and not at work lmao#arkhamrambles#Arkham rambles
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lmao @ the last three men i have dated finding ~the one~ immediately after our relationship ends, and me just chillin with my blanket and the dog.
#the first one only half counts#bc the arranged fiance was the opposite of me#in every possible way#but [musician guy] has been w his gf a few months#they're living together and he's gonna propose i guess#ended long distance thing w lovely guy#(no hard feelings abt that at all at all)#6 weeks later he's out of state w the love of his life#both these girls look more than a little like me#and are super similar in other ways#can i make money off this skill??#is there a dude this happens to who wants to compare notes??#tbd tbd tbd
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