#gonna take a lil break after this one! brb

[blorbologist]

Trick or Treat, Empire Siblings, Chains

Trick or treat! I'm personally unsure which this one qualifies as, but chains can be tricky to work with!

--

“Do you ever think about the manacles?” Beau says, just above the tower’s purring thrum. 

Caleb glances up, places his novel (Feather Leather, finally tracked down what that barkeep had been reading) on the sidetable. Jinx and Ruth will see to it’s return to the bookshelf. 

She says it casually, not looking at him, playing with the chain of a bracelet around her wrist. A recent gift from Yasha, with peculiar flowers preserved in its charms. But the words ran from her lips, an old habit never beaten from her by tutor or adventure, and Caleb would not be her friend to be flippant about it.

He does, nonetheless, have to wrack his mind for it. “The manacles? Like -”

“The manticore,” Beau says. “The - uh, fuck - something with the marrow? Could have sworn we came across them a few other times too.”

Caleb nods. “The Angel of Irons.” Now her eyes meet his, the blue of new shadows. “The Chained Oblivion.”

She hums, throwing her legs over the arms of her chair, perfecting the clumsy embrace. Keep her from kicking, nervous habit. Almost, almost touches the scar on her chest, where she was run through in that god’s name in a church. Gestures instead, to put the energy to use. “Yeah, that.

“I just… most of those were broken. Like, the things escaped, or were busted out. And now Trent…”

Beauregard, he realizes, is looking at his wrists. The thin shards of scar tissue peering from beneath his sleeves. 

At where Trent had thick iron bands splayed over weak flesh, not for the security of them but the symbolism. For him to be in shackles before trial, hands glued to forever supplicate for mercy he had never provided. 

“I dunno,” she says. “Maybe we shouldn’t have expected chains to work. Hasn’t in all the times we’ve run into them.”

Caleb hums. 

Maybe they should have burned Trent alive, so he could feel as a boy’s parents and cat had. Or fed him sweet cyanide, as Astrid’s mothers enjoyed. Or strangle him, of air and hope and life, and see Eadwulf’s face to the last. Or keep him to a chair and implant terrible things to him, or send him from his home to die against those he thought monsters when none - no dragon, no city, no god - could rival.

But he is not, and never was, the man to do that. To be as his teacher was. Besides, to many a wizard death can be but an escape. The ailing body was more a prison than any chains. 

(In the back of his mind, in the knowledge of the moon hanging low and bloodhungry, he hopes this of the Chained Oblivion.)

He lets the thought lie, plucks another from the shelf: “Well. One of your wife’s epithets is Chainbreaker, so I suppose it’s something we are to stick to, hm?”

Beau leans fack back. “I forgot about that.” 

And then her eyebrow cocks, readying for a blow: “Speaking of… hey, remember when we rocked up to the Bright Queen in full BDSM gear? And Essek was there? Remember, Caleb?”

He sighs. No, he did not forget about that.

🎃Trick or Treat! Send me an ask and you'll get a trick (angst) or treat (fluff) ficlet in return! 🎃

[crowning-art]

TGCF SPOILERS FINALE!

Me and 10 cuties who have been keeping up with my crazy TGCF journey after i finally finished it 2 years later lmaoo

*Note that clown in the center is me and everyone knows why after seeing my wonderful, beautiful, RIDICULOUS AND OUTLANDISH theories throughout the read lmaoo

Without further ado...the finale!!

-------------------------------------------------------

Goushi really swooped in during the LAST TWO SECONDS of this huge novel and really just stole everyone's heart, huh? I love this dude

In the last second, a hand caught Feng Xin’s boot, and Feng Xin caught Mu Qing’s boot. When he looked up, he cried, “WHAT THE FUCK!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!! GUOSHI OLD SIR, PLEASE DON’T EVER LET GO, ALRIGHT!!!”

YOOO FENG XIN ACCEPTED HIS CHILD OH MY GODDD DJJDJDJDJF T-T THE CHARACTER GROWTH

THE WAY THE TABLES HAVE TURNED AHHHHH its now Xie Lian who has Jun Wu pinned and nailed down to the ground with a sword djdjdjjdjjd low key, Xie Lian really needed to do that....yknow....therapeutically lol

I love this so much cuz ya, at the end of the day, it's tiring, it's exhausting keeping up a facade and forcing yourself to be someone who u know really isn't you and I feel Jun Wu despite all he's done was very heavily a product of his situation.

“I just genuinely really miss Your Highness,” Guoshi said. “I miss the once-Kingdom of Wuyong,

I miss our people, and I miss the days before we ascended. That’s all.”

“…”

Guoshi then added, “It’s been so many years, Your Highness. Just watching you makes me tired. Very tired. How about you? Are you not exhausted?”

And yes, I get that there was still a bit of inherit evil within him which got amplified thanks to the wuyong problems but like at the end of the day, he's just a sad little meow meow

AND THEN

AND THEN

“…Have I been defeated?” Jun Wu sounded a little lost.

After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.

DJDIFNIFJFJFJFJ DO I EVEN HAVE TO SAY IT AGAIN??? HJDHDHFHFHF U KNOW WHAT IM GONNA SAY AND UGH ITS ALWAYS BACK TO THE ✨️THEMES OF KINDNESS AND LOVE✨️ BRB gonna cry some more AGAIN

Ahh I remember pointing this out a while back but Hua Cheng was always the ONLY one who really helped ground Xie Lian when he was lost and confused. Like the split emotions he kept feeling of not knowing whether to laugh or cry, all gone even when he's told the craziest news yet, aka Wu Ming identity

All of a sudden, thousands of emotions, millions of words swarmed into his head. There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.

Lol u guys don't even get it, there were so many parts that were my fave here and I was trying my best to not post the whole chapter here cuz i loved EVERY part, the way Xie Lian leaped into Hua Chengs arm at the end, the cute Xianle trio bickering, just everything T-T

WTF U MEAN LIL BREAK I DO NOT NEED THIS RN PLZ DONT OH MY GODOHMYGODOHMYGOS HUA CHENG DONT U DARE DIE OH MYGOD

All of this:

Hua Cheng’s long and slender fingers gently combed through Xie Lian’s mussed hair. “Then, Your Highness, do you know why I refuse to leave this world?”

Xie Lian couldn’t understand why Hua Cheng could still be so calm at a time like this, as he was panicking so hard he was trembling. But, while feeling lost, he still simple-mindedly asked,

“Why?”

Hua Cheng replied quietly, “Because I have a beloved who is still in this world.”

Hua Cheng said quietly, “Your Highness, I understand your everything.

“Your courage, your despair; your kindness, your pain; your resentment, your hate; your intelligence, your foolishness.

“If I could, I would have you use me as your stepping stone, the bridge you take apart after crossing, the corpse bones you need to trample to climb up, the sinner who deserved the butchering of a million knives. But, I know you wouldn’t allow it.”

They really did invent love, I can't think of anything else to say to this 😭

HIS EXPRESSION MY HEART CRACKED INTO A MILLION PIECES AT THIS WHOLE SCENE BUT ESPECIALLY AT THIS LINE

Hua Cheng’s gaze was gentle and blazing, that remaining eye filled with love, and it gazed at him silently.

He's gonna be back for sure. The red string and the ashes are still there....but it's still soooo saaad

LMAOOO the heavenly officials became homeless fr I'm dying lmaoooo

ROUYE IS BACK YESSSS!!! AND UGHH XIANLE TRIO!! IM SO HAPPY THEY R TOGETHER AGAIN!! I MISSED THIER SHENANIGENS SO MUCH

Xie Lian rummaged around his sleeve and fumbled out a white silk band that was torn in half, and said joyously, “Yeah, finally, the material to fix Ruoye is found! I’ll go patch it up right now!”

However, Feng Xin stopped him. “Patch it up? You?! Forget it, what can you patch? Ask someone else to help you.” Then he turned his head and shouted, “MU QING! COME GET TO WORK!”

Pei Su and Banyue were really an underrated duo this whole book, especially with the way they guarded Ke Mo and the other ghosts lol

Pei Su and Banyue were sitting at the entrance, both of their expressions blank.

Feng Xin divorce arc lmaooo Finally it came to an end...and in a really nice and mature way. I really appreciated the way MXTX wrote Jian Lan's whole character, like she also grew as a person and is def underappreciated

However, Jian Lan withdrew her smile. “What you’ve said are all things of the past. What was love once doesn’t mean it’ll last. I’m not interested in being a charity case and a nuisance.”

And Xuan Ji! Everyone really grew up huh? (*sobbing incontrollably*)

Still don't like Pei Ming smh overgrown man child fr U go Yushi Huang for showing him whose boss!!

GUZIIII MY HEART NOOOOO I really respect LQQ for doing this

so I could only…gather a bit of the soul particles of the Green Ghost and keep them in a lamp. Now he shows up in front of me every day hugging that lamp, asking when the soul within the lamp will grow bigger! I really…”

And Guzi! Fret not! Qi Rong will be back cuz his ashes aren't destroyed!!

THE PEARLS ARE BASICALLY A GIFT FROM THE INLAWS THAT HUA CHENG HAS NOW DJJDJDJDJDJDJFJDJD

A moment later, Xie Lian nodded slowly. “It’s mine. It’s a pair of pearls my father and mother gave me when I was young.”

Lol Ling Wen's punishment thooo and the subtle hint that Ling Wen may have acc cared for the dude despite everything kinda warms my heart

Ling Wen gave a small laugh. “Your Highness, don’t say it like I would do anything for him. After all, I’m cold-blooded and recognize no loved ones, so why would I do anything like that?”

“Is that right?”

“Let it be.

I love love love the way the passage of time was described here God I don't know how to explain it but I love it

People came like the tide, then left like the tide. Mount Taicang regained its deserted lonesomeness.

Atop Mount Taicang, there used to be an enormous field of maple trees. They were all burnt down by that massive fire, but reborn after a thousand years. They were no longer the same ones Xie Lian leapt through to train once upon a time, but the landscape was the same.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASAASASSMXKXKXJXNCJXNX AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

With three thousand Blessings Lanterns rising along with the night behind him, that man turned back and gazed at him. Robes redder than maple, skin as white as snow; between the brows of a face so handsome it couldn’t be stared at, there was still that wildness and a feral aura, a proudness that couldn’t be cut down.

There were no words. Both started walking towards the other.

A step, another step, each step faster than the next, then finally, they started running.

He ran forward whilst tears fell and stayed behind him. Xie Lian voiced this in his heart: he believed.

He believed that this man would die for him again and again, and would be reborn for him over and over. Even if he fell into the depths of hell, he would break through the abyss for his “belief”.

Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other.

This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.

DID I CRY HERE? U BET YOUR FUNKY LIL BEAN I DID And u don't get get AGUHH it took 1000 pages for them to get to where they were AND ONLY ONE PAGE TO MEET AGAIN THE ABSOLUTE POETIC METAPHOR HAS ME LOSING MY MIND u have to read through 244 chaps to see them trying to get to each other and when they finally do..it takes less than a page for them to reunite again I AM CRYING RN

The grand final banquet in Puqi shrine, with windmaster and the fellow beggars, he xuan secretly eating with them, fengqing arguing and bantering (flirting basically -_-), heaven's eye, hualian, the heavenly officials dropping by, just everyone finally living a happy life

What a story! Like what a story! Unbelievable!

This is how it started and this is how it ended

However, if people worship the divine statues of this one god and one ghost together, then there will be a miracle

Cuz their whole story is a miracle but that's the point! U can't give up! Xie Lian's story IS inspirational despite being fictional! Believing in your principles and doing the right thing, showing kindness no matter the circumstance, and growing from adversities, honestly I had so much to say but I read the post script and lmao MXTX said EVERYTHING I wanted to say!

-------------------

I'm always the kind to finish books within a day or two but I really didn't want this one to end (hence two years to read it) but God the whole experience was so incredible and tbh, I started documenting my thoughts for myself just so I can reread them later and laugh lmao but then a bunch of you guys kept up with it and it genuinely became such an exciting thing to look forward to after reading as well!!

Special shout out to @silvia-moon and @maause who were there from the beginning!! I loved every comment of yours and had a blast reading them every time 🥰

Ahhhh IM GETTING SO EMOTIONAL LIKE THIS LONG WINDING JOURNEY HAS FINALLY COME TO AN END 😭 (borderline tearing up while writing this post) but alas! Every banquet must come to an end (haha see what I did there? Hahaha....😭😭😭)

And of course there are the extras! But those shall be read some other day! In the meantime, I'm so so excited to get to drawing all my fave scenes!! I can't wait to get to that!

Until then,

Farewell 😊

[birbfeeder2artisticboogaloo]

thousand autumns donghua, episode 12~

shen qiao: I'M ON A BOAT I'M ON A BOAT TAKE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT THE MOTHERFUCKING BOAT yan wushi: hiiiiii 😈 shen qiao: hi 😩 OH MY GOD he stole shen qiao's tea!!! shen qiao looks SO DONE with him lmaooo OH LOOK it's the suffering masses AGAIN!! HELLO EVERYONE!!! (part ii) PARKOUR!!! actually i'm suprised they haven't decided to eat the man who fell off his horse. it's what i would have done lol (for legal purposes this is a joke. birb does not engage in cannibalism. usually.) did did chen gong send shen qiao a box full of food THAT'S. A BIT WEIRD. U COULD HAVE JUST SAID SORRY, MY MAN. or at least delivered it fast enough to save the lil orphan girl ;A; AWWW SHEN QIAO'S CRYING ;A; FECK IM GONNA CRY TOO ;A; POOR TINY CHILD, SHE DIDN'T NEED TO DIE 😭😭😭 o-oh my goodness. who. who is. who is this??? he's choking my poor bai rong but. but he's so STYLISH, he so EYE-CATCHING. i do not like him but. he kinda. hot. 👀 BABIES!! MORE LIL BABIES!!! OHHH THE LIL BABY IS THE ONE FROM BEFORE, AND HE'S NOW A SECT MEMBER, GOOD FOR HIM!!! he's so CUTE, he so sweet and polite omg ;A; yan wushi: how dare u introduce me as ur friend. i'm OBVIOUSLY ur future husband >:( shen qiao: friendzoned :) shifu putting on airs, his tummy immediately making a liar of him lmfao 🤣 yan wushi: i can't stand the sight of joy or the sound of children's laughter, brb i must break the forest D:< oh damn the old man is kinda…..hot when he's angy and suffering???? 👀😳🥵 WAIT NOT NOT LIKE THAT well ok. exactly like that lol 🤣 OH!! our new friend with the white hair is called sang jingxing!!! he has a funny voice, and a very prominent chin!! useful for telling everyone apart lol 'we are destined' UHHHH WHAT????? WOW UH. OK THEN 😳 shen qiao is very secure in his conscience, i appreciate that about him!!! what a good boy :D shen qiao: we're friends, right? yan wushi: >:) shen qiao: …..friends, RIGHT?? oh. well i guess i guess the old man is just kidnapping him then. all right. WAIT IS THIS THIS SMELLS OF BETRAYAL YAN WUSHI U WATCH URSELF!!! >:V when they say 'infatuated' they mean 'qi deviation' right??? otherwise this conversation is,,,,,,,not what i thought 😳 poor shen qiao, everybody betray him ;A; I AM FED UP WITH THIS WORLD! UR TEARING ME APART, OLD MAN!! sang jingxing: so can i have ur boytoy or yan wushi: yeah sure, he's all urs >:) PERFIDY!! TREASON!!! LIES AND SLANDER!!! yan wushi: wait before u eat him. i wanna psychologically terrorise him first sang jingxing: oh ok, i'll wait. *backs off* yan wushi: now, what was i saying?? OH RIGHT. let me shame u for being a good person, bc it's UR FAULT that i can't be bothered to treat u with respect and kindness!! if ppl weren't so STUPID i wouldn't be able to hurt them!! it's easier to blame the victim than the perpetrator after all!! and if u didn't want me to betray u, u shouldn't have worn ur robes so short >:) shen qiao: u disappoint me :( yan wushi: lol as if i care. BYE BITCH~~~ ahhhh, NOW sang jingxin will kill him! poor shen qiaaaaoooooo ;A; aww he's such a good guy, who could ever hurt him?? he just believes the world is a kind place!! always giving ppl second chances!! i love he, my poor sweet shen qiao ;A; UH yanwushi was able to ''''implant evil spirit in ur body''''' is that is that a euphemism bc that's a bit weird 👀 NO!!!!! SHEN QIAO!!!! MY BOY!!! DON'T LOSE HOPE!! DON'T GIVE UP!!! U ARE THE GOODEST BOY!!! IT'S WORTH BEING NICE!! IF U CAN HELP ONE PERSON AND MAKE THEM SMILE, IT'S WORTH IT!!!! AND U ALREADY HAVE SO DON'T GIVE UP BBY OH MY GOOOOOOOOODDDD IS HE DOING A HEROIC SACRIFICE???!?!!!! NOT THE CLIFF!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO HE'S FUCKING CRYING AS WELL????? HE'S SUCH A GOOD PERSON OH GOD OH FUCK I CAN'T HLEP HIS SHIFU TEACHING HIM ABOUT NUANCED THINKING AND SAYING HE'S THE CUTEST?????? SSTOP DON'T TOUCH ME I'M RLY VULNERABLE RN 😭😭😭

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

JJ Maybank Headcanons:

A/N: I know I said I was gonna write more but I’ve barely had time or energy to even clean my house lately soooo. Anyway, I’m literally writing these on my lunch break. I may write some for the other pogues too idk yet it depends on how many I can come up with for them. I just have a good bit for JJ bc I think about him a lot lmao. Without further ado.

P.S. This has been sitting in my drafts for like a week awaiting the moment that I decide I'm happy with it lol. So here it is finally.

Random Headcanons:

He sleeps in starfish pose. Like you cannot tell me that this dude can’t or won’t take up an entire bed by himself.

We all know his motto, “Stupid things have good outcomes all the time,” but this dude's number one signature catchphrase has to be “Full Send!” followed closely by “YOLO Bitches!”

This may just be biased bc of Uncharted and the Royal Merchant ordeal but I can definitely see JJ pretending to be a pirate who’s on a massive treasure-hunting expedition when he was a little kid.

JJ’s hidden talent? Rapping. His ADHD and quick mind help him come up with lyrics quickly and even if they don’t always make sense to others they make sense to him 90% of the time.

JJ is either a fighting drunk or a goofy drunk. It’s either “let’s throw some hands” or “I’ma dance on that table brb” there is no in-between.

As for when he’s high, I think JJ is one of those people that just comes up with absolute nonsense that kinda makes sense. He has really deep thoughts about random shit and barely shuts up.

He does a lil dancey dance. I can see him just kinda standing in line, standing amongst the Pogues or they're all sitting around doing nothing and he gets bored so he dances along to whatever song is playing in his head. It often distracts the Pogues and cracks them up.

JJ is a speed demon no ifs ands or buts about it. This makes him a pro at playing spot the cop because while he enjoys the rush, he does not enjoy the idea of getting a ticket.

Somehow, Kie once convinced him to let her put his hair in tiny pigtails. He may or may not have been drunk.

You know that cute little thing where one person sticks out their hand and another rests their chin in it? So, as long as it's someone he trusts i.e. the Pogues or a significant other, they can stick their hand out and catch his attention and he will immediately put his chin in it even if he has to hurdle over tables in his mad dash from across the room.

I saw someone headcanon, I’m sorry but I can’t remember who, that JJ can play drums. I 100% agree. I can see him just banging around on them to let out some frustration one day and Kie convinced him to actually learn how to play them. Let me tell you, it was not easy at all bc JJ’s attention span didn’t wanna hold out for it but eventually he got the hang of it.

Unfortunately, at the insistence of the Pogues, JJ is no longer allowed to light fireworks anymore after having almost caught not only the dock but also The Chateau on fire one Fourth of July.

Dating Him Headcanons:

JJ is always attached to his love in some way, shape, or form. It could just be a simple shoulder-to-shoulder thing or he could be practically backpacked on you with his arms wrapped around your shoulders, his chin resting on your head or in the crook of your neck, and him leaning against your back.

JJ doesn't have a lot of money but what he does have is the desire to shower you with gifts so what does he do? He makes things for you or steals them but that's not the point. Your wrists, hands, and neck are probably always adorned in loads of bracelets, rings, and necklaces that he made for you. They may not look like much to other people but to you, they mean the world and you would never let anything happen to them.

JJ is a huge fan of words of affirmation. Remind him often that you love him and are very proud of him, even sprinkle in a few compliments.

That being said, as you can probably tell from the first headcanon of this section, his favorite form of showing love is physical touch. He loves giving it and receiving it.

JJ loves to make you laugh. He'll pull out the cheesiest pick-up lines and corniest dad jokes if it means he gets even a giggle out of you.

So, like I said previously, JJ takes up the entire bed. I also feel like you'll have to fight him for the blankets. You both may start the night out cuddled up all cute and shit but by the time you both wake up, he's spread out as much as possible leaving you to either tuck into his side or flat out lay on top of him.

JJ never says no if you ask for a piggyback ride. Sometimes if he thinks you’re getting tired he’ll just stop in front of you and squat down motioning for you to hop on.

I think a lot of people think that if JJ were ever jealous he would throw hands or super cockily just butt into the conversation and distract you but I personally think he’s a mean-mugging jealous. Like, say you’re having a polite, innocent conversation with some Touron but JJ gets jealous. I think he’d simply walk up behind you and give the person an “if looks could kill” glare. Soon enough the Touron gets the hint and dips. I don’t think JJ would want to fight in front of you if he could help it even if every bone in his body is screaming to throw hands. He doesn’t want to scare you.

Masterlist

More JJ Maybank Imagines

[bookish-mind]

I read call down the hawk, here’s my aching heart:

*spoilers*

(I wasn’t planning on making a long post about this book but I couldn’t help myself, I had too much to say and I needed a place to scream about pynch)

“This is going to be a story about the Lynch brothers” I knew that already so why am I crying, already, the first line and I’m crying

It mentioned Ronan living somewhere other than the barns after Niall died and I’m just here like,, you can say Monmouth it’s ok

“Adam Parrish was the destination of this road trip” and “Ronan missed him like a lung” my heart my heart my heart

“the guy he loved” PLEASE

Ronan Lynch upon seeing Adam Parrish for the first time: *literally prays*

I see the obsession with Adam’s hands goes way back

“Funny how quickly a handful of weeks could render something unrecognizable” I know ronan was talking about the weather/the campus but my stomach dropped pls this better not be pynch foreshadowing

Their reunion was so chaotic I’d expect nothing else tbh

The watch keeps track of Ronan’s time zone I can’t-

“He was with Adam, and Adam still loved him” PLS THE USE OF THE L WORD KILLS ME EVERY TIME

“there was burnished Gansey, who might not have saved Ronan’s life in high school, but at the very least kept it mostly out of Ronan’s reach so that he could not take it down and break it” this line bothers me bc gansey literally did save Ronan’s life that was the whole godamn point 🙃

Objectively I understand that the crying club are probly decent ppl but subjectively they ain’t no gangsey that’s for sure

“he longed for him even while holding him” pls the yearning,, it’s too much for my frail heart

Bryde needs to gtfo of Ronan’s head is what need to happen

Who is lindenmere I only know Cabeswater

Ronan is crying I’m crying we’re all crying

It breaks my heart that Ronan is still yearning for something more while the rest of the gangsey are out there living

Gansey is chained to a tree in Oregon, seems legit

Chainsaw knows how to say “Atom” I’m fucking crying

“What, Declan? I’m trying to fucking tow a cow” I love this book

Matthew be like “I’ve been staring at the edge of the water long as I can remember never really knowing why”

I literally had a headcanon that Ronan says I love u to Adam in Latin

“He sucked in more longing with every inhale, he exhaled some of his happiness on the other side” this godamn book I swear 😩

“dreamt of you” AGSHSJAK

Oof I kinda love Parsifal all he wants to do is eat some bienenstich made by his momma

Wait wait wait these Niall and aurora doppelgängers are confusing me

“I saved your life because I love you” HE SAID IT OUT LOUD ! HE SAID IT ! IT HAS BEEN SAID

I know it’s common knowledge at this point that they are in an established loving relationship but it hits me the same every time I’m reminded

“It was possible no two students at aglionby had ever come away with such a thorough understanding of Latin (or, possibly, of each other)” I have no words

Declan Lynch falling in love with a dream? More likely than you’d think

Man I hope at the end of all this Declan gets to punch a judge and go somewhere to live and breathe art for the rest of his life

This whole dreamers are born to die young theme is stressing me out

“Ronan, I know you” literally everything they say to each other knocks the air out of my lungs

“They hugged again, merrily, waltzing messily in the kitchen, and kissed, merrily, waltzing more” brb if you need me I’ll be reading this line over and over again for the rest of eternity

Two things: 1) gansey left his mint plant for Ronan to take care of 2) ronan dreamed a literal sun to keep the plant alive when he could have just as easily put it by a window like a normal person that’s the cutest bro shit I’ve ever seen

“Adam stopped breathing” please stiefvater imagine how tired we are

Also where tf is opal I miss the lil weirdo

“he missed him acutely even as he was looking at him” it’s too much,, it’s all too much

Oh hell ya Ronan and Jordan/Hennessy/all the other girls finally met I been waiting for this one

Waaait is the dark lady seashore niall’s dream space like Cabeswater/lindenmere is Ronan’s ??

Oh Matthew, my sweet boy, he figured out he’s a dream

Jordan. Is. Painting. Declan. I. Can’t. Breathe.

Oh damn ok so the lace is trynna get out and destroy the world ? Is that it ?

Matthew asking “Do I have a soul?” broke me

Matthew said “I’m the fake brother” and Declan uno reversed that shit so fast

Alright lindenmere I see you I see you but the thing is.. I miss my girl Cabeswater

OPAL FINALLY

“He didn’t have it in him to love another dream. It hurt too bad. Loving anything did” ouch :(

Fuck fuck fuck this is the part where chaos erupts

Damn those sundogs are cool af tho

I swear I didn’t breathe until I knew Matthew and Declan were alive holy shit

Declan thinking “The world was broken” and “I never actually lived” </3

Let Ronan and Declan hug each other challenge

Adam Parrish please pick up the goddamn phone I am begging you

The way Hennessy is so in awe that Ronan has complete trust of lindenmere/his subconscious made me ache bc it took a helluva lot for him to get to this point

“Hennessy?” “Lynch.” “I’ve been alone a long time” excuse me I’m gonna need a minute-

The way Ronan describes what the lace is to him,, I’m fucking sobbing

Hennessy and Ronan’s swords are badass

I still don’t trust bryde but he got them out of there so points to him I guess :/

Where’s book 2 I need book 2

[deacied]

Visiting France with professor deacy?

im already sweating

reader and her class go to france over spring break just before graduation

everyone who actually wanted to go had to pay a stupid amount of money but hey ur in high school some peoples parents have a lot of money

this is prime time to go ok?

so reader gets a job a couple days after finding out about the trip and works her ass off to pay for it so she can go to france like gdi shes GOING

her parents help a bit but they dont have a lot of money so its mainly her

anyway

theres about 20 students that go, two chaperones, and then mr deacon so they all fuck off into groups for when they actually get over there

reader is in deacys group obvs hehehe

everything goes fairly well until the plane ride when everyone starts getting anxious bc its about an 8+ hour flight

but then once they’re there like ........ they’re in france they can chill

every room at the hotel theyre staying at has 4 beds

but the chaperones/ deacon have their own rooms nearby the kids 

so chap A and chap B have rooms right next to the kids and then Deacon has the room across the hall ........ that he usually shares with reader

no one rlly asks about where she goes at night bc shes 18 and everyone has pretty much just assumed shes going out to clubs or whatever

lmao

listen to me tho everyone out at a restaurant getting lunch or whatever and the chaperones are kind of suspicious of deacy bc They Have Heard About Him And Reader

and she’s rlly close to him their fingers are brushing and he just leans down and “ne reste pas si près de moi” 

reader’s heart grows like 3 sizes but she is also Sad bc she wants to touch her bf

deacy smokes a loT and gets shit from the chaperones but its paris like who gives a fuck except yall

deacy lets the kids TRY the wine like everyone gets a lil sip of champagne from actual champagne, france

lots of “im gonna go look at this thing ill brb” and her and deacy go fuck in a bathroom or whatever

deacy buying reader lil things and big things whatever she looks at and oggles

he loves to spoil her

he doesnt give her anything until they get back tho otherwise she’d make him return it tbh she haTES freebie things u know ... strong independent woman wants to pay for herself u know ....

exploring old castles and architecture

john heart eyeing reader when she looks so amazed by a building or a piece of art and he takes a picture

taking pictures of each other the whole time but also of everyone else so it doesnt look suspicious

they definitely get like matching necklaces or something from somewhere and reader is all giddy when she holds hers in her palm or has it between her teeth just staring at john talking about whatever in french

shes so in love its gross

john and reader sneak off one night to actually go to a club in the middle of the night and fuck against the sidewall bc they nasty

having a romantic night under the eiffel tower like john makes a lil picnic and its super cheesy but he holds readers hand and is just like “i love you you know”

her heart nearly stoPS but she just jumps on him with kisses and tells him how much she loves him too

secret hand holding and sneaking off to go kiss each other when they’re feeling super soft

joining the mile high club on the way back when everyones asleep

probably the best week of their lives tbh 

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x13 “Lebanon” (300th episode)

in which i compare this episode to pumpkin soup, because I’m craving more Cas

03:30pm

all righty, thing is still downloading, and there’s a 720p version queued up so that’ll be downloaded by the time i’ve watched half. i have snacks, i’m gonna half close my blinds so i can see, but I DON’T HAVE HEADPHONES AGAIN which is the worst. why do headphones break so easily, that’s what i want to know. (just gotta pray there’s a good sound quality i guess. my laptop speakers suck)

...2 minutes left on the download c’moooooon

-

03:35

OKAY DONE!!!!

-

03:36

“dad’s on a hunting trip and he hasn’t been home in a few days”

i don’t know if it’s dean’s little baby voice (HE’S MY AGE CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?? I CAN’T) or the laptop speakers or the video sound quality, but dean sounds like a kid in a 1980s disney cartoon, with that vintage prickle in my ears and i love it

-

03:38

okay look it’s super hot 'cause it’s summer, and my fan is on, and there’s cicadas... i think i gotta shut the window and turn the fan off aND SLOWLY ROAST IN HERE BECAUSE I CAN’T HEAR THIS PROPERLY

i’m 9 seconds into the recap u_u

it’s gonna be one of those days i guess

-

03:41

is that the monkey again?

yeah it’s the monkey again

-

03:45

dead black guy already????????????????????

really?????

-

03:46

are those kids meant to look like the kids from stranger things? because they kind of do. and the movie theatre as well

-

03:47

cas is in this episode, right??

if he isn’t i’m gonna scream

misha had a tv guide cover so maybe

-

03:39

every single one of these kids is cute and i’m offended

“weird sidekick with the trenchcoat” i am further offended, but also smiling

-

03:50

SHE GAY

SHE VERY GAY

-

the plaid though. she’s a dean mirror 100%

edit: i did doubt this for a second but nope, i was completely right

i mean, she drives the car as well

-

03:52

tHE IMPALA JUST SCOOTED OFF THE SCREEN AND I ALMOST CHOKED OH MY GOD that was hilarious

-

03:54

dean doing the puppy eyes is 

a) cute

b) FUCKING TERRIFYING BECAUSE THIS POOR WOMAN’S TRYING TO PROTECT AN UNDERAGE GIRL AND IT SHOULD NOT BE THAT EASY

-

03:57

the hand that popped out of the smoky cigar box

SUPER COOL AND SUPER CREEPY EW

-

03:59

dean: “this is like the best/worst thing that’s ever happened to you. ‘cause you love serial killers but you hate clowns”

ahahhahaha

-

04:02

sam: “are you sure you don’t wanna call mom, or wait for cas”

YES PLEASE DO BOTH OF THOSE THINGS ;A;

-

“michael out of my head”

HAVE YOU NEVER PAID ATTENTION TO ALL THE WISHES THAT GO WRONG??? YOU GOTTA BE MORE SPECIFIC DUDE. TAKING MICHAEL OUT YOUR HEAD JUST TAKES HIM OUT, YOU GOTTA KILL HIM TOO DAMMIT

-

04:05

john: “now you live in a secret bunker with an angel and lucifer’s kid”

he took that surprisingly well

 a little too well

probably part of dean’s wish that he takes it well

-

04:08

OH BOY

the face he made when he saw mary sdjgfd

-

04:09

ahahah dean and sam awkwardly leaving while their parents make out

dean kinda looked like he was gonna stay, lil bean

-

04:11

the fact dean was so adamant that he said he wanted michael out of his head, but then is now defending the fact he wished for his dad back instead

says a lot about what dean says he wants =/= what dean actually wants

-

04:13

john is much sweeter and more understanding than anyone remembers him (at least than i remember him, or could infer from all the stories about him)

i really do think dean brought him back nicer

-

04:15

i love seeing sam have emotions, it’s so refreshing

-

sam kinda looked like he panicked when john touched him aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

-

04:17

there’s a sign for “castle storage” in the background and i think about that sometimes. hill of a forty dogs or something??? i forget, it was so long ago

-

ALSO WHERE’S CAS

also switching to 720p now

never mind switching back, the sound was better on the lower quality video u_u

-

04:22

oh no, nobody knows them

IS CAS NOT GONNA KNOW THEM

OH NO

-

04:23

this universe-sam: *kinda smug* “god bless kale, am i right?”

I CRINGED SO HARD

-

04:25

OH BOY IT’S HAPPENING

(well SOMETHING IS HAPPENING)

-

04:26

zachariah: “c’mon, constantine”

cas: “i don’t understand that reference”

zach: “you wouldn’t”

i kinda missed this cas though. like. i’m not even mad

ONE PROBLEM: HE’S PROBABLY NOT HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH DEAN

-

04:28

life goal of mine: have a sign like that in my house as decor

-

04:29

THE BACKWARDS TIE

-

04:35

okay first off i got so involved watching cas beat dean up (again) and dean being unable to stop him (D: D: D:) (kind of expected dean to croak “i love you” but um no....... that didn’t happen)

and then mary’s egg timer went off 

and it reminded me i’m hungry again so brb

well actually i’m not hungry..... but my body is shutting down because i need fat and magnesium to function which means i need to eat or else i can’t see, but same difference

-

04:43pm

okay i’m back

-

04:45

DEAN FINALLY HEARING HIS DADDY SAY HE’S PROUD OF HIM

-

04:46

john: “i thought you��d get yourself a normal life, a peaceful life, a family”

dean: “i have a family”

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

]]]]]] I REALLY FUCKING WANT JOHN TO MEET CAS [[[[[[[

-

04:48

THERE’S SALAD ON THE PLATES HALLELUJAH

-

04:49

sam: “did you see them, at dinner, the way they looked at each other, they seemed happy”

and then there’s the way max looked at the girl she was crushing on

AND THEN THERE’S THE WAY DEAN LOOKS AT CAS LET’S GET SOME OF THAT IN HERE PLEEEEEASE

-

04:51

it stresses me out when people wash dishes but only rinse using the dirty water not fresh tap water

-

04:53

they’re about to send john back, he’s holding mary’s hand

all the rainbows behind dean’s head

betcha he’s thinkin about cas

-

04:56

john: “i love you both, so much”

dean...................

-

“i love you too”

OH MY HEART

he says it ......he never used to say it to anyone

-

04:59

YEEEEE

BUT ALSO THIS ONLY LASTED 0.5 SECONDS WHY

but also???????

TALL GUY = SAM

PLAID GIRL = DEAN

COAT GIRL = CAS

IS ANYONE ELSE GETTING THIS

WHY DIDN’T THIS SHOT LAST LONGER SO PEOPLE WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE WITHOUT PAUSING

CURSE YOU EDITORS

-

05:02

so....... that end scene where john’s like “i’m on my way back, i’ll see you soon”

was that meant to be in the past, 2003 era? the flip phone would say so, but his visible age kind of confuses matters

i mean i get that it’s hard to make someone look 16 years younger

but still

unsure about that

-

05:04

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm it’s over

i dunno

that was definitely a special and important episode, and i appreciated seeing this side of john, this is gonna make it way easier to write fanfic of him without the story ending up as a trauma survival fic

but

i was kind of underwhelmed

things i rEALLY REALLY WANTED that didn’t happen:

john actually reacting to dean saying they made friends with an angel (and a werewolf, a vampire, demons, etc etc)

john meeting cas

cas being part of that family meal (i get that the point was he was 2003!cas and not there, but still)

jack being in this even a little bit??

and as the story went on and reached the end, what it really lacked, for me, was a comparison where we can then see how john/mary & max/her crush = dean/cas...........and that just didn’t happen

i think it just ended too soon, really

and there was a lot more they could’ve done with the altered timeline, could’ve brought a whooooooooole lot back from past seasons and just made it a smorgasbord of nostalgia

i get that it was focused solely on john, which gave it an emotional core, so there’s not actually a problem there, i loved that

but it felt kind of dull and slow and....... soupy..........?

(i just mean. the emotional feeling in my brain as i think about it. feels like soup. specifically pumpkin soup. warm and spicy and goopy and nutritious but ultimately not very filling)

then again, if the pacing had been sped up, i would’ve complained it was too rushed. so there’s no winning, it was probably fine ?

i think my favourite part was the kids. i loved the kids. i love the lil gay romance going there. i loved the fact it was a destiel/team free will parallel (even if that part of it was OVER SO DAMN QUICKLY MOST PEOPLE MISSED IT). i loved the kid in the hat, he reminded me a lot of the actor thomas brodie-sangster, and also johnathan byers from “stranger things”

also enjoyed sam vs. the serial killer clown, and that whole aspect of hunting that we haven’t seen in a while, felt very nostalgic

also enjoyed 2003!cas, but was both distressed and frustrated by him fighting dean and then NOT GETTING ANY CLOSURE ON THAT WHATSOEVER. the point was to make dean and sam realise they really needed to send john back, so essentially, in some respect, they did choose cas being their friend over john being around, but that part of the overall problem was never mentioned at all, cas wasn’t mentioned at all after the fight

i’m just looking forward to coda fics that start where this episode leaves off, and dean talks to cas, because i am craving that SO FUCKING BADLY i can’t even express. like. it’s becoming maddening. i just. want. them. to have. a conversation

and the black guy dying at the start?? and the other black kid running away from the ghost and never being seen again? and besides the unnamed diner guy offering info on skip day, being the ONLY PEOPLE OF COLOUR IN THE ENTIRE STORY??? NOT COOL, not a fan >:{ (still better than it used to be, but soooooooooo many white people. so many. so. many)

anyway. um

so that wasn’t my favourite episode, but not because it was bad, but because it didn’t live up to expectations. i tried not to have any expectations (i really tried) but there were just... basic things this episode needed that i felt it was lacking (*cough* cas *cough*), and i can’t really shake that feeling

HOWEVER, having seen 2003!cas be the thoughtless drone that he was, i can appreciate just HOW MUCH character development has happened while he’s been around, which.... i suppose, is a sort of nod to his entire existence ???

anyway, 9/10, and a big ol shrug

but yeah. seeing john be kind and understanding was amazing (and completely changes how i’m gonna write him in my fics in the future, since he’s probably gonna be in the fic instead of just mentioned) and having him say he’s proud of dean and he loves him was just a super nice treat c:

sam being emotional is the best, too. sam confronting his feelings 10/10

i just. i want aaaaaall of this. but with cas. i really want that. so goddamn much. ;~;

[ramblingshit]

Jane Eyre - 1934 - 4/5

Vodka-less and tired and very cold, we begin our journey to the very first talkie version of Jane Eyre.

ow my bra hurts. I wish I had vodka. this is so sad. wait i have a rokerdelig brb. depression strikes syet again - i drank it earlier. alright lets get started in the 30s whoop. wow audio quality 10/10 lolol. opening with john reed hunting her down and she's blonde oh no she's been found.  holy fuck he's throwing shit at her - SLAP BITCH GET HIM. nooooooooNOOOO why is it errored. okay fixed. aunt mary? oh damn she collapsed cause he pitched that cup at her what an ass - bessie is reading to her naw. she's cut out of a lot of them and never shown so kind at the time she's actually. oh shit. ahaha 'they're bad and i hate them.' 'since you hate us so much i bet you'll be happy to know i'm sending you to an orphanage.' 'yes i am happy' looool. 'go away! GO AWAY! goodbye!" hell yeah lil Jane you stand up to that bish. not quite the snappy shebang she says in the others but very satisfying nonetheless - a lot braver and more obstinate love it. oh no her curls snip snip. ohh her hair is cute af. and very 30s ahaha what a coincidence. wow she talks back like hey ahah. she's looking down at lowood preacher dude down her nose ahah. didn't say hell? ahahaha omg this is great so far. she's the best lil Jane I think I've seen. ohh interesting way to show passing of time - the flipping book pages and the showing of the top of the next chapter - skipping quite a few ahead. skipped helen? straight to her ahah oh shit -- teaching. she's standing up to brocklehurst like no ones business. 'you're dismissed! get out!' 'I'll get out - gladly!' ohmygod she's great she's so great none of that simpering and passivity she's taking the world by the balls.  'you cruel dingy childbeater!' 'you ought to be tarred and feathered you ugly old crocodile!' lmao im in love with her. she walks off laughing and happy about being dismissed. miss temple loves her and gonna miss her so sweet, brocklehurst was like holy damn wtf. ahaha her drivers a drunk, fukn flying across the road she's like bye m8. she's proud and above him and annoyed she has to walk rather than die in a carriage crash. oh damn now she meets no? yeah she's not even made it --oh fuck that horse FLIPPED. she helps unprompted and isn't hesitant in talking back and speaking up oh my god she just stalked off after helping him up ahaha. ahaha oh shit the drunk driver works at thornfield and when they asked why she walked instead of taking the carriage she covered his ass and said she just wanted to walk through the meadows and he's like oh thank fuck thank you jesus she just rolls her eyes with a smile. she speaks 3 languages and draws and plays - very accomplished. he's adele's uncle? Samuel Poole ey what a g m8. and he warns her out of the blue to keep her door locked at night. that 30s makeup is crazy awesome. round face, rosy cheeks, long brows and dark eye makeup and lips. short hair. Adele gives her the tour. she's proud and self-assured. poh damn they're only allowed on one side of the house - sam is married to grace poole. just dunno why she's blonde? probs cause she's supposed to be like angelic? anyway she's gorgeous and the angles are nice and the lighting is good--andw what era are these dresses jfc there's no way she could afford that dress fuck. and who curled her hair and that's a low bow whats happening it looks like a southern gone with teh wind situation. he's smaller than she is. he's bathed in darkness - the light is dimmer on him than her. she's even got a necklace. they're not sitting by the fire. he was too busy looking at her to notice her giving his tea. awkward sips ahaha. it's got like a diamond on the necklace. he looks like he's squatting on that tiny chair. oh shit she's gonna sing instead of play. yikes i hope she can--she's literally taller than him. oh she's gonna play and sing. she looks like blanche is supposed to look? and of course she can sing - all framed by candlelight and hanging crystals. the audio is crackling ahah wow incredible they can do it at all - one of the first talkies damn. 'lovely' wow she a mary sue? please don't be a mary sue.sings and yeets outta there not even finished her tea. far out that dress is not doing it for me. what world would a governess be dressed like that? she wears nothing but white. and journalling is never a good idea. but my god she's gorgeous---lots of SCREAMINGGG. and they're telling Jane that its just a servant and its clearly not grace poole doing the screaming? Fairfax knows? Jane can't blame Grace? Jane's like not freaked about it - i suppose she's journalling about it. Adeles a 'mischief' lol nice. she's ran from her lesson and climbed a tree and now she's stuck up there and Jane like doesn't hesitate just scales that tree after her 'uncle edward help! my foot's caught!' 'her foot's caught' 'her foot's caught, so i gathered.' he seems so gentle and kind and pleasant. gets adele out of the tree - 'and where would you like this package delivered, miss eyre?' ahaha cute ooh they know when rochester is leaving to london. he's handsome i'll give him that, it's better --wait when was blanche introduced. asking him when he's getting married and he says next month and adele asks if he's gonna marry blanche and he avoids the question and she starts on but is interrupted by a frantically gesticulating Jane shaking her head, and she cuts herself off and skips away all innocvently lol til she slips moron kid hit her knee ahahaha what a dumbass. Jane's helping clean the chandelier? and Adele is helping as well, that's cool. wtf this kids a moron getting herself headdown stuck in a vase and JAne smashes that shit and snaps at Rochester's amused quip at breaking his shit and blanche laughs and Jane turns on her lol what a savage and storms off. dancing around her room to the sound of the music downstairs that's nice and cute I'd do the same thing ahaha. she's all petulant cause brought blanche who hasn't been introduced properly? is she gonna put her fancy dress on? no? i hope not. damn they're in a ball room? nice. blanche has dark hair and looks much older than any other, not a bad thing just different. they call her beautiful and pretty - not even trying to pretend she's plain and simple. he's suddenly all over her staring intensely and accompanying her into the room and now they're dancing no way? no? no. governesses and landowners don't dance? she's down here without adele. he's sad she didn't dress up - she didn't want to appear as anything than what she is : a governess! at least she's proud of it. he's amused. and charmed. she thinks he's mocking her. now they're being introduced - an interesting way of doing things but rather natural compared to immediately knowing each other. Adele's sitting here with some old guy talking shit about people wow that's mean. fkn kids and this lord ingram is encouraging the hell out of her ahaha. but when she taunts him suddenly its not so funny ahaha. blanche is nice but sarcastic? it's a wedding party ooooh? adele m8 letting things slip? it's 2am and she's dreaming of him - and damn she's going straight for the curtains with that candle and its not lighting? then we see an altogether put together lady return with teh candle to the room upstairs before crazy cackling. god Jane is pretty. oh shit the house is on fire. nah just his room. there's no dramatic music - yes! she's the one to tear down the curtains and open the window - she's legit the most assertive main character i've seen - he's woken up and the fire is like already out. she's got this sorted all he has to do is give her a blanket 'why didn't you call for help?' 'I didn't think it necessary...' noice. here have some alcohol - from the same cup: might as well kiss. she burnt her hands and HE KISSED THEM. she's like bye. she is outies not taking any of his affections like she got better things to do, like sleep. he's in her room? he brought her a book. they're standing very close. he wants her to help redecorate the west wing - he's quite sure he's getting married in a month and that she'll have things to suit the lady's taste. eyeyeyeyyy. its a pupppppppppppyyyyy. oh it's adele's room. ohmygod so fuckin cute rochester is putting adele to bed and she's saying that she wants an aunt that she can choose and she wants it to be miss eyre and he says she wont have them and she says he has to ask her and she'll make sure she says yes. 'that'd be very nice'. cute af ma8. 'don't forget to ask her!' he grins happily. she chooses a cutain (?) and rochester jumps in 'we prefer this one!', and ol mate says 'i congratulate the lady on her discerning taste - the room will look delightful!' what a thing to say. she looks fkn miserable lolol she thinks she's choosing shit out for blanche - they're choosing out jewels now. she's fkn despondent. she flees the jewellers, he follows her and she cries and tells him she's off on holiday. he's not happy like did you think that would go well?? she's not even saying goodbye to him ahaha bye adele and fairfax nevermind here he is marching up the stairs weren't you gon' say goodbye????? tajes her bags and back upstairs to show her the room she designed? she loves it and he's happy and taking the coat off - 'it's incomplete' 'incomplete? everything seems to be in its proper place - what's missing?' 'you.' ohmygodddddddd. 'can't you see i've been falling in love with you all of this time?' rochester yaaaassss. she's not about to argue lol. whoops - 'you must never decieve me again' she chides lovingly and he laughs and shakes his head. like duuuuude i haven't forgotten this is Jane Eyre. okay he's very handsome and she's gorgeous what a lovely couple. now she's dressed in enormous dresses and jewels much more fitting now I suppose, though she did just say she didn't want to be lavished and pampered. oh what the fuck lol what 'edward my husband!' ahaha oh shit bertha just popped nicely out of nowhereeeee -'you can't separate me from my husband again! no one shall!' oh shit. oh shit. wow that was so brushed over - 1930s sensibilities??? Jane's like uhhhh what was that explain yourself he's like I love you you make me so happy i didn't want to tell you I was married to a psycho that I keep in the attic and take care of. she almost forgave him then he rushed off to help with his violent wife - what she gon do?? she waiting forever surely not she's better than that. yas ohmygod is she gone? SHES GONE AHAHAHA YAS DAMN GO GIRL. she wrote a goodbye note to Adele but not him ahaha savage I love her. ohh a star wars cut noice. he's just gon sit in his library? took mrs fairfax to be like yo dude she couldn't have gone very far ahah she's hiding from him in the shadows all misery and rain. searching for her in the dark- thornfield's on fire! oh yikes it's seriously on fire.  get out of there ya;ll. it's so odd not to have any action music oh damn he's going into the house to get bertha he's in his tophat ahaha fire effects! fire effects! fire effects! whoo. she's found herself in a soup kitchen very nice Jane you're an angel. she's going to india huh oh damn we speeding through this bit - 30 seconds after we meet Rivers he's proposing ahaha. she looks insulted, thanks him and storms out. she's pouring soup an hour before her wedding to Rivers and Sam's just popped up looking fucked uppp. i think he's just drunk tbh. bertha burned to death. Jane's frantic and upset m8 and yeah Sam's drunk af. so JAne went to him - he's blind and angry and an't see her and she's crying and he's shocked my god he's in the light and he's in the dark and he's reaching toward the light and touching her face - lol she raced back to thornfield in a day. lol you want some tea Eyre, it's nice for you to call. he's convinced ---ohhhhh--- "strange, you pity me when I'm blind and yet when I was worse than blind you had no mercy.' he's sending her awayyyyy noo he literally just told her they never belonged to each other and they never did like damn son that is fuckin colldddddd. she's so emotional and he's like yep I guess. She was awesome, he was handsome and had his fine moments. It was cute af m8 noice.

[thestudyfeels]

Failure. Such an awful word, isn't it? You might've flunked that test Miss Honey set last week (in my defense, Genghis Khan's goatee was giving me nightmares) or maybe your sis ate up all those donuts you bought on your cheat day. Either way, it’s easy to get hit by a few L's along the way because life loves throwing in lemons. Oh, just noticed, life and lows... they even start with the same letter L! (hobo logic, COMING RIGHT THRU)

But what if I told you that failure = success? And that sometimes, failure > success? Isn't that rad as eff?

What’s the time? Don’t look at your watch! It’s time to conquer our failures.

You’re probably thinking along the lines of: "Ok… failure. *scrunches face* Hmm, don't want to experience that! I mean the letter F has better words... Like food! And omg fishies!! BRB. Gonna get food." Stop. Also, since I’m so kind, I'll get you the first appointment with my counsellor.

Failure is simply a deviation from the ordinary. Things didn't go as you had planned. Oh, please. I'm an excellent planner! I planned for my fishies to fly, and they will! Um, hi. Welcome to the real world. Fishies don’t fly around here. And if they did, an eel would prob smack you in the face while doing so.

But believe it or not, failure provides countless opportunities for growth. How? Because it’s only in our darkest times that we are willing to go the deepest. Good days, we skim through them. Only when the seas get rough do we sit down to try and figure out why things turned out the way they did.

And even though experiencing a low sucks, it is necessary sometimes. Think about this. Without failure, success would truly have no meaning. If you can’t ever lose, what counts as a win? If you can’t make mistakes, everything becomes ‘ordinary’ as there are neither any highs nor any lows.

Now! If you are all warmed up, let's sit around the bonfire and have a story time about my failures. Bring some marshmallows too, it's gonna be a long one.

In my life so far, I have gone through many failures. Most were small ones, nothing to cry upon (my sis did take my cookies which I'm NOT happy about but I think I’ll let that pass). Two failures, however, completely changed my life:

Fail no #1: Two years ago, I was a completely naive and ignorant teen. I had a bunch of so called “friends”, was hella popular, and was basically living the life of a queen (at least that's what I thought at that time). Well, in between that, I had my first boyfriend (poor guy) and hey, it was another feather to add to my cap. It didn't however, last long.

We broke up and a few days later, I tumbled into a really dark hole. Went down in the dumps and became depressed (And that starts with the same letter again! Oh, I’m so good at this, all hail me). My ‘friends’ left me to pick other ones and I had no one whom I could trust or talk to. I was completely alone. (Gosh, looking back, I was such a sad child.) Now I don't talk about weird shit like this because I am grateful that I’m out of it and am now a lil’ happy unicorn. Those days weren't fun.

Anyways, during my days in the dark hole, I realized something profound. I couldn't love someone else with all my heart because I hadn’t learned to love myself. Heck, I didn't even know who I was. I was a complete loser.

Fail no #2: Months later, my family shifted states (around the time I started this blog). By now I had grown to be wiser and stronger. Popularity didn't mean anything and I found my solace in perfect A’s all over my report card. Everything was going fine and dandy, but then I was showered with a bagful of lemons again (no wonder I’m allergic to them). I met Prashasti.

Now, most of you know her as Prasati grandma who helps me with the Interviews (read: here!) and about whom I talk a lot, whether in awe or annoyance. She’s a grannie with sass. Coming back to the point, she had joined freshman year in the same year as I had and well, we become friends. (BTW, she’s editing this article for me so shout out to my binch! I love you!)

Um, ok. Anyways, after we talked (like grannies do, lmao) about life and shit, I realized that I was doing it completely wrong. Sure, I was happier and not a loser anymore, but I wasn't even close to using the potential I held. I'd gotten up after falling off my rocker (or horse, if you like horsies) and dusted my hands, but now I was just sneezing all over the place. I hadn't taken the reins just yet. I was still in what philosophers call the ‘bubble’ (read: The Bubble Trap for more on this).

Feeling like a failure? Commence part two.

Truthfully, failure hurts. I will neither try to minimize the pain nor tell you that it is easy to bear. Instead, I will try to make you realize that failure is important to experience in order to become more wise, kind, compassionate, and in the end, a better human being.

Now, consider this. When you break a jar full of water (reminder, your mom is about to kill you so hide while you can), the glass shatters and the water pours out, now free. In the same way, life sends failures to crack open your outer, fake shell and to allow your values, your emotions, and your finer self to come out and experience the sunbeams outside.

Failure is beautiful and sine qua non (and I’m poetic, thanks for pointing out Sally). But ironically, many fail to understand that there’s honestly so much to learn from it. I mean, you get to stay at home, eat burnt popcorn for breakfast, and cry your heart out, doesn’t that sound like fun? Here, let me explain.

Lesson from fail 1: I learned my most important life lesson which was to love myself completely.  Another thing I realized was that everything is temporary; friends, boyfriends, everyone is going to play their roles in my life and move on someday, citius aut serius. There is nothing wrong with that, it’s a fact of life. I simply had to embrace that and make the most out of our time together. This failure also hinted at my non-existent communication skills, which I had to fix. (Now I’m Bob the Builder! Ah, childhood.)

Lesson from fail 2: I learned that you can truly be what you want to be. Life is full of opportunities and trust me, life wants you to win. Don't just live, though. You must take a step back occasionally to see where you are going. Most don't do that, they are too busy checking off tasks from their to-do and moving onto the next one. For them, everything is just a chore to get over with. They turn a blind eye to the freedoms that lie ahead of them. You are capable of doing everything you want, go wherever you want, be the person of your dreams. Isn’t that freedom enough? Most are scared to take responsibility for that and hence they play small and are willing enough to sacrifice their true dreams, settling for stuff that doesn't excite them.

You see, some say I’m a bit too wise for my age. I‘ve even had people send me asks ‘advising’ me to wait till I’m eighteen before I give advice on so called ‘adult’ topics, like failure, life etc. Pah.

Do we not experience failure when we are young? Or do they not matter, huh? One golden rule of nature is that what you resist will persist. If you don't learn from your failures which come in smaller doses when we are young, a much bigger failure is going to hit you smack in the face later on. Teens don't learn from theirs, and lo and behold, we find ourselves a few years later in depression, midlife crises, and whatnot. How fun.

THAT'S the reason I don't listen to what those asks say. I mean, sure, I could ignore my failure now, they are not big ones. But do I look like dumb to you? Life is a wonderful teacher and I choose to learn. And so can you.

So coming to my point, failure hurts. But remember, failure teaches more life lessons than I’ll ever be able to teach you (welcome to life lessons 101, taken by Nani). Ergo, point to note, failure doesn't stop you, it's the quitting that does. It doesn't take your faith away, it TESTS it. Decide whether you want to pass or- once more, fail.

So does that mean you shouldn't feel the pain, sadness or remorse the failure brings? Nah. You should never hold back your emotions. Cry, beat up yo’ pillow, kill fishies if you have to, I support you (the campaign starts, #SaveTheFishies).

But don't let your emotions rob you of your growth. Learn to let go when you have to, and then use your failures as a slingshot to catapult you closer to your ambitions. Pluck up the courage to face failure and your fears, it's as easy as plucking those lemons.

See, there will always be an excuse NOT to learn from your failures. I could have stayed in that dark hole which no doubt wouldn't have been very fun and would have ended up becoming suicidal. I chose not to. I could have left Prasati and her wise philosophical shit to pick other friends while continuing to live inside the bubble (I still love you prash, put down that knife please). I chose not to.

In the end, even though your destiny is roughly mapped out, it all depends upon the choices you make. Whether you choose to learn or not. Thus yes, failure is not the opposite of success, it becomes a part of success.

So please, by all means, fall, dear friend. Fall, and then choose to get back up.

here are some related materposts if you want to read more:

One way to change your life: your perspective (out new!)

Musings on The Bubble Trap + how to get out of it

Why should you conquer: the value of your life (popular!)

Read my Interviews with my friend, Prash!

Want instant motivation? Here’s my #ThursdayPickup!

Well, it’s a wrap! I post new articles every week (the schedule’s here) so you can follow me if you are into killing the game & conquering life. I’ll do my best to help you in the tough yet amazing journey called life. ✨

If you want to go thru my blog, I would rec picking your choice of post from my masterpost list! Or, if you want to read something insightful on your cozy afternoon while chilling under blankets, I would rec reading one of my interviews. Feeling spoilt for choices? Here’s another! If you want to implement the ideas I share in my masterposts by taking action, take on one of my challenges! + you can also request a blog post! For that, leave your question in my ask box.

I hope you are well, stay strong and conquer life, you conqueror.

- Nandini (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[vrenaewrites]

CRAVE by Tracy Wolff thoughts: Ch 22 - ch 48

Full video here.

CH 22: Baby, it’s hot in here

Like, baby it’s cold outside?

Sooooo much internal monologuing about her first boyfriend and how no one has made her feel like Jaxon does…

“The big picture is that the most popular boys in school are obsessed with you”

“He looks at you like it physically hurts him not to be touching you. Baby, if he wanted you anymore he’d spontaneously combust”

Macy wants the tea about her and Jaxon

She says flint and him had a “massive pissing contest over her” lmao

“Are you trying to be reassuring or scare me?” “yes”

She tells heather ttyf? Am i stupid??? What does that mean?

TALK TO YOU FOREVER?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?

“It sounds like every cliche in the book, but he’s different around you. Somehow less intense, but more intense.”

“You can trust me, we’re family” and grace almost starts crying :(

CH 23: never bring an ice cream scoop to a gunfight

Macy FINALLY comes clean re: flint and jaxon are mortal enemies

“What is this the breakfast club? Even they figured out they could all get along” grace just be quiet and let the girl who actually knows wtf is up at this school tell you wtf is up. You been wanting her to talk for so long, be quiet.

Ooh something big happened a year ago that made them all break up into factions

It’s about hudson jaxon’s brother!

Or is his name spelled Hyudsin because stupid spellings

Ooh macy warned grace not to become the chew toy between flint and jaxon

CH 24: waffles are the way to a girl’s everything

I want to hate this but i fucking love waffles so like…

Someone’s texting her about her ankle...i thought it was jaxon...AND IT IS!

“I don’t know the punchline to whatever knock knock joke you’re setting up” I BURST OUT LAUGHING BECAUSE “he’s funny over text” ma’am...this isn’t funny? Maybe a lil snarky, but funny?

Now she’s telling jokes over text and we’re having a whole long stupid text fucking exchange….i hate this so much

Then he tries, “what do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite” and my soul leaves my body because what in the 8th grade twilight fanfiction is happening…

She texts him brb instead of just responding when when she was done peeing and then he stops answering her, this used to happen to me with the toxic dudes i talked to in high school...am i reading too much into this? Idk yet

And then she’s spiraling about why he stopped texting and UGH I REMEMBER THIS FEELING!!!!!!!!!

Jaxon has food sent up to her room from the...cafeteria? Wtf…

He says he doesn’t like the food and she says “So what do you like to eat” and then is like “wow that sounded suggestive” lmao

And he says “i don’t think we’re there yet but let me know when we are” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

CH 25: truly madly deeply bitten

And we’re really just gonna keep texting 21 questions

She loves tatbilb...i mean same lana condor is the loml, but

Jaxon loves rogue one………

I don’t care AT ALL. NOT ONE BIT DO I CARE, TRACY WOLFF.

“I wish i could ask the real jaxon vega to please stand up” i rolled my eyes but i also giggled

“You suck” “you have no idea how much” i threw up in my mouth.

Niall horan reference, hozier reference, rhianna reference

JAXON’S. FAVORITE. SONG. IS. TRULY. MADLY. DEEPLY.

INSERT SNAPCHAT OF ME CRYING LAUGHING HERE

Gambino reference, beethoven reference???, and then brown-eyed girl which personally offends me because my mom used to sing that to me

This makes her hands shake

She plays brown eyed girl a bunch of times

Then another woman comes to deliver a package to grace...from jaxon...it’s a library book

It’s twilight

Insert snap of me screaming stfu here

Macy is laughing her ass off about this because she isn’t stupid, she knows what jaxon is

And grace says she never read it when it was popular all those years ago…

Baby you said you liked reading. No way did you survive middle school without reading it.

And then he shows up!!!!!

She makes a shitty joke to lighten to the mood

He’s massaging her hurt ankle...oh shiiii

They ALMOST kiss

He gives her a little note wrapped in a ribbon

“I wonder how i’m going to keep this beautiful, broken boy from cracking my already battered heart wide open”

Hades voice: we were so CLOSE!

CH 26: the uniform doesn’t make the woman, but it sure brings out the insecurities

He ripped a page out of anais nin’s journals that says some shit like “i dreamed you, i wished for you”

So cute sentiment but you ripped a book my dude? Cardinal sin

Grace is finally going to class

The cafeteria is goth as fuuuuck

The music is “creepy af”

Jaxon sits next to her in front of everyone

CH 27: 10 degree weather gives a whole new meaning to “the cool kid’s table”

He sits in the super ornate chair backwards and it makes her horny

The order is kind of ragging on jaxon about being cute to grace which is funny

We get all the dude’s names at one - raphael luca liam mickey?? I think

“A dark and devastating desperation” in his eyes

And then we got byron who’s more angsty than jaxon - “mad bad and dangerous to know” just like his namesake

CH 28: “to be or not to be is a question, not a pick-up line”

Jaxon walks her to class

Wanting him feels like opening a vein

“I love the way your hair smells”

“My heart is beating like a heavy metal drummer”

We were so close!!!!!!!!!

We’re doing hamlet in class ofc

The teacher says “although you look like the shy type despite your association with katmere’s most notorious student”

Instead of just saying the halls are like playing frogger she describes the old video game where you try to get the frog across the road...is it just people in the south that say playing frogger when describing crossing traffic? Or is this a well known phrase??

Apparently there’s hidden tunnels so flint takes her to them

Her intuition is like BITCH DON’T GO IN THE TUNNELS but she ignores it AGAIN

CH 29: with friends like these, everyone needs hard hats

There are beds with shackles?!?!?!?!

Leah shows up and turns out they’re going to the same class? But flint insists on walking her to class…

Leah and flint are NOT friendly

Damn she offends flint with a buffalo bill joke

There’s bones in the tunnels and a giant chandelier in the rotunda that’s also made of bones…

There’s an earthquake!

CH 30: you make the earth shake under my feet, and everywhere else too

And it stops as soon as they get out of the tunnel

Jaxon is there and being a dick to flint and grace has HAD it

CH 31: big girls don’t cry, unless they want to

Grace gets hit with a basketball in gym

All the order has been walking her to class because jaxon knew she was mad at him

Does jaxon cause the earthquakes somehow?

She finally reads the texts jaxon had sent and feels bad for being mad at him when he was just worried - no he acted like a dick. Be mad.

She’s making sooooo many excuses for his anger: the earthquake, the fact that he’s already rescued her before so of course he’s worried…

Aww a student is playing autumn leaves which was her dad’s favorite song :(

She starts to boo-hoo “grief is a wild thing within me”

Civil twilight AGAIN

Jaxon is standing there when she finally stops

CH 32: it’s not a coincidence that denali and denial use all the same letters

He opens the door in the alcove and it’s like a clubhouse? Oh it’s his dorm room???? Confusion

So it’s like the living room and NOW he’s leading her into his bedroom

She says she’s terrified of him touching her because of the intensity but then says she has no trepidations about doing or being anywhere with him...ya just said...nvm

They go out to the roof

CH 33: Madonna’s not the only one with a lucky star

Please decide if grace is a silly teen who doesn’t know what frogger is or an old soul who loves madonna pls

She asks if he’s an alien…

And she tells him he’s the hottest person ever and that his scar makes him sexy as hell and he's all like “me?!” which is a nice role reversal

This is his favorite place

And there's a meteor shower!!

CH 34: all’s fair in love and earthquakes

Thanks i hate this

When she touches him she realizes how cold he is and thinks it’s from being outside which makes him act all weird

Someone please just tell this girl what’s going on!!!!!!!!! I HATE when the reader is 8,000 steps ahead of the MC

“A craving in his eyes” WE’VE SAID THE TITLE FOLKS!

She makes the move to close the space and says she’s dazzled, GUYS

She’s making the MOVE! “Did you ever want something but you were scared of taking it?” “yes” “what did you do” “i took it anyway” and then he kisses her!!!!!!

The kiss is as soft as a snowflake, as delicate as the permafrost

Then “his mouth goes crazy on mine lips tongue teeth, it’s a cacophony of sensations, a riot of pleasure”

“My knees go weak at his tongue on mine, just like one of those heroines in a novel”

His hands are vices on my biceps...his hands were around her back at first which seems way more romantic than manhandling her arms??

There’s an earthquake...and jaxon is like you have to go

A window breaks and cuts her and then she blacks out????

CH 35: baked alaska is more than just a yummy dessert

Intimidating af is the nurse

The glass nicked her artery!!!!!! The FUCK. or did jaxon bite her?????

Her mom died like that… yikes on bikes

He fucking bit her...this is a lie...i’m calling it…

FINN ABOUT TO COME CLEAN!!!...but the nurse stops him.

Macy is an OG bff she is the best

Or is grace the one making shit happen??

Grace notices the sheets are fixed but that macy never went to the bed

Macy asked what they were doing when the earthquake hit...WHY

CH 36: no harm, all foul

Grace goes after Jaxon and he’s like “our kiss didn’t matter”

He says he put her in a lot of danger by being around her, a “target on her back” and wants her to stay away from him but he can’t pull himself away

But then he does

CH 37: don’t ask the question if you can’t handle the answer

Leah drops the bomb that she and Jaxon are expected to carry on like a family dynasty sitch since Hudson died

CH 38: nothing says “i like you” like a fang to the throat

She’s freaking out of course

Mickey says jaxon def didn’t bit her and she’s even more confused and me too

Jaxon is in the mountains...he wants her to wait but she’s pissed

“I take a deep breath and hold onto it with both hands” ….?????

Because i have to hear it out loud, “what did make these marks?”

Say it, out loud

CH 39: there’s never a hallucinogen around when you need one

She’s furious and she should be! I’m glad she’s not replying to Jaxon

We finally get to the bottom of it all!!!!!!

Macy admits Jaxon is a vampire

Leah is one too!!!!

Flint is a dragon!!!!! CALLED IT

He’s got fire? With a name like flint how could he not PUKE

“Who needs LSD when you go to monster high?” Shut UP

Macy is a witch DUH

“You should have been one too”

CH 40: be careful what you witch for

GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH THIS TITLE

Grace’s dad was a warlock but he lost his power when he fell for grace’s mom...oh no was their accident like a magical mafia hit??

“What kind of witch are you if you can’t do something an 11 year old can?” “the kind that doesn’t come from JK Rowling’s brilliant imagination”...THAT aged poorly…

“This is a less bloody version of game of thrones” shut UP

The school nurse bit her because jaxon used his vampire venom to heal her cut, and it worked too well so she needed to cut through the healed skin with her vampire teeth

Because this is twilight satire so of course they have venom…

“So vampires can just override each other’s venom?”

Most of the vamps would have had a hard time not draining you dry, but not jaxon

I absolutely called it: witches, vampires, dragons, and werewolves confirmed.

CH 41: Vampires dragon and werewolves, oh my

This physically hurts

She’s kind of categorizing the students now that she knows which is totally something i would do

God almighty is flint just a jacob clone…

CH 42: good thing pancakes aren’t on today’s menu

The chandelier is falling onto her and someone pushes her out of the way - it’s jaxon!

His eyes smolder at her

She dresses his cut on his head and his arm

“I wouldn’t have had to save you if you were in your room where i told you to be” he grinds the last part out through clenched teeth

He finally lays it out that someone has been getting her hurt on purpose

CH 43: what doesn’t kill you still scares the hell out of you

Her uncle wants to talk to her before she sees jaxon again and i smell an info dump coming

Dangerous af

“Macy told me she spilled all the tea” said her UNCLE with no hint of like “is that what you kids say these days”. GTFO

“I wait for the other shoe to drop even though 100 have already fallen” that’s not how that idiom works

She’s like “how could he think i wouldn’t figure it out i knew something was wrong” no ma’am! No you didn’t!! You kept shrugging it off until chapter 24 at the EARLIEST when you settled on aliens

Getting the tea on the turf war between dragons and vampires - so it’s not like twilight because it’s not the werewolves. Whatever.

Uncle says it was probably some witch who got too loose with her powers and grace is like yeah no absolutely no one is trying to kill me it was yet ANOTHER freak accident

Uncle wants to sent her back to cali

CH 44: Sweet home alaska

So she doesn’t wanna go because of jaxon, not because her only family in the world is in Alaska….

It’s only been a WEEK

“I know jaxon can be...seductive” says her UNCLE

the guys in the order are born vampires, not made, it’s a v big deal

Info dump city re how vampirism is a genetic mutation…

There are 6 ancient families of vampires...this all sounds like the first draft of my new wip where I was trying to figure out how the secret society worked…

Then he says he’s not in the habit of talking students with other students….we just did...this whole chapter…

Another earthquake???

Ch 45: I always knew there was fire between us, I just didn’t know it was your breath

Dude shut up

She goes to the library and wonders if the books about vampires etc would be under non fiction or biology lmao

The librarian is a native Alaskan with elemental magic….yikes

She does a weird eye swirling “you’re more than you think you are” thing to grace

Flints in the library and she asks him about dragons and I swear to god if we get a chapter devoted to learning about each species via info dump I will burn this place to the ground

He singes the marshmallow with his fire breath, loves it

And he can breathe ice? He cools the water down

He can bloom flowers in his hand????

“They’re beautiful” “you’re beautiful” “but I’m not hitting on you??”

Because when I hit on you, it’ll be because you want me to!!!!! We Stan flint!!!

Ch 46: I’ll get you and your little dog too

Enough

Dry throat around flint now, oh shiiiiiii

Oh shit the order is on the move!! There’s trouble

She chases them into a classroom and sees jaxon making shit fly everywhere with just his mind...is he a vampire and a witch??

There’s a werewolf vampire brawl

Damn jaxon can freeze everyone with his mind!

She tries to stop him but he’s put up a barrier

She breaks through!!!!

And jaxon bites cole!!!!!!! ALMOST KILLS COLE!!!!!!!!!!!

“This is your only warning”

CH 47: the first bite is the deepest

Jaxon pulls grace away, this whole time grace’s inner monologue is her feeling responsible for the carnage

“I won’t hurt you” “I know” “you know? do you have a death wish?”

But jaxon is so disgusted at himself that she's just like “well did he deserve to almost be killed?” She has accepted this shit with sociopathic speed

“The power you wield...it’s unfathomable” sis has turned the corner

“You don’t scare me jaxon”

They flipped the script and she breaks down his defenses and it’s kind of hot ngl

She tells him she needs him and he bites her??????

Ch 48: is that a wooden stake in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

They’re getting worse

But it’s not a hurting bite it’s like a sex bite…like she describes an orgasm basically..

Then they kiss

The earthquakes are jaxon! Called it

At this point I am sooooo annoyed because just make him a witch!!!! We really wanted the twilight combo so badly we made him a telekinetic earth-shaking vampire?????????

They go to his room...and she goes to his drum kit instead of his bed, you dumb bitch

Now they’re talking in the bed

The jokes are just so fucking bad

He cuts them off by pulling her on top of him and kissing her!!! In bed!!!! We ain’t in twilight no more henny

“The kiss curls my toes but the yank curls everything else” wut

“I don’t want you anywhere near that world, and I sure as hell don’t want that world anywhere near you” - someone. Anyone. Take a second pass

~~~

[hp-again]

Rereading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: Chapter Seven - The Slug Club

To his slight annoyance, however, neither Ron nor Hermione seemed quite as curious about Malfoy’s activities as he was; or at least, they seemed to get bored of discussing it after a few days.

um maybe bc u talk abOUT HIM ALL THE TIME?? no one wants to hear about ur boyfriend anymore, OK???

“He’s a Death Eater,” said Harry slowly. “He’s replaced his father as a Death Eater!”  There was a silence; then Ron erupted in laughter.

when i first read this my reaction was pretty much the same as rons. now im just like U SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO HIM U IDIOTS!!!!

- peeps r still bullying my girl fleur and im not here for it ONE BIT

- ugh like i know how crazy harry sounds when hes talking about draco but like its so frustrating reading about him trying to warn mr. weasley and no one taking it seriously JUST TAKE HIS GODDAMN VANISHING CABINET OK

He tapped Ginny on the shoulder. “Fancy trying to find a compartment?” “I can’t, Harry, I said I’d meet Dean,” said Ginny brightly. “See you later.” “Right,” said Harry. He felt a strange twinge of annoyance as she walked away, her long red hair dancing behind her; he had become so used to her presence over the summer that he had almost forgotten that Ginny did no hang around with him, Ron, and Hermione while at school.

tbh i could care less about ginny and harry but this is lowkey rly cute

- NEVILLE AND LUNA ARE HERE YALL!!!! we dont have to sit awkwardly by ourselves anymore!!!!

- am i the only one who thinks its cute that nevilles grandma is super roud of him for breaking laws and busting baddies?

“I liked the D.A.! I learned loads with you!” “I enjoyed the meetings too,” said Luna serenely. “It was like having friends.”

luna let me love you.

“Hi, Harry, I’m Romilda, Romilda Vane,” she said loudly and confidently. “Why don’t you join us in our compartment? You don’t have to sit with them,” she added in a stage whisper, indicating Neville’s bottom, which was sticking out from under the seat again as he groped around for Trevor, and Luna, who was now wearing her free Spectrespecs which gave her the look of a demented multicolor owl. “They’re friends of mine,” said Harry coldly.

remember that time when harry was all super super embarassed when cho saw him sitting with neville and luna? look how far our bb has come, grown into a nice lil man now, hasnt he?

“People expect you to have cooler friends than us,” said Luna, once again displaying her knack for embarrassing honesty. “You are cool,” said Harry shortly. “None of them was at the Ministry. They didn’t fight with me.” “That’s a very nice thing to say,” beamed Luna.

WHY IS THIS SO CUTE THO forrealz i would have preferred harry ending up with luna rather than ginny (is this a really upop opinion? am i gonna be roasted for this??)

- im still shook about how the prophecy could have been talking about harry OR neville. shit keeps me up at night.

- LOL marietta still has ‘sneak’ pimples on her face and me and harry thinks its hilarious 

- brb gonna go vom, cormac mclaggen is here

- lol this slug club lunch is so fucking awkward. slughorn is just name dropping while everyone else quietly nods, looking for a way to leave

- harry is risky AS HELL boi just jumped on top of the luggage shelf in dracos compartment liiiiike he knew damn well this was gonna go wrong. im reading this part cringing waiting for his sneaky ass to get caught

- omg draco is laying in pansys lap while she plays with his hair and like i always joke that they were lowkey hooking up but like its canon right???? THIS IS SEXUAL

- aaaand harrys face got busted. like ya he shouldnt have been snooping on draco but thats so fUCKED that he broke harrys nose while he was paralyzed like goddamn thats icy

WELP if you liked this, follow me for more chapters!

[tboytoby]

Clutz and Tomalgam (And a lil SepraTorm at the start)

@tomalgam @rejectclone Here it is! The format’s a little odd since we used MSPARP to do this. 

Warning: It’s a little long

-------------------------------

Clutz: Clutz is an Edd clone, this he knows. However, something he doesn't know, and would very much like to, is why he came out the way he did. He can't do a lot right. One of the few things that he can do correctly, though, is break things. He's broken more fragile items than he's even able to count anymore and as much as he hates it, it's who he is. He's tried everything but he just can't stop being so clumsy. At this point he's begun to think he was born with two left feet. What would that look like? He looks like he has a left and right foot that should work normally.. The clone is suddenly torn out of his thoughts about why he is the way he is as he trips on his shoelaces for the fifth time today. "Ow.." He lets out a soft sigh, ignoring the pain in his hand. He appears to have scraped something. Again. It's quite hard to keep a positive personality when all you do is fail at basic things such as tying your shoes. And walking.

 Separatorm: Well heres him, whos him? He is Separatorm, A reject. He was made when a tom clone and a tord clone somehow were messed with like play dough. They were smushed together than pulled apart. They didn't fully separate. Thats how they got their name. Separatorm. Even with this small little fact, for some reason, these clones liked each other, a lot. More like loved. how? we'll never know. They just love themselves. No fighting. They love themselves so much they speak in one voice all the time, unless there's an argument...but that's rare! They almost don't have any arguments. They sigh, with that giant mouth of there's. They were just leaning against a wall until they saw Clutz. They wave, and smile. And walk over. "You alright?"

 ((wheezes

 ((You did a good, babe

 ((I'm just gonna quickly have a shower while we wait for Candy uvu

 ((k

 ((im also getting lowkey tired

 ((might d i e

 [4'2"] Scribble Tom [7'2"] Tomalgam (Candy) [] joined chat.

 SCRIBBLE: shit one sec-))

 Torm|Clutz (Sky)'s connection timed out.

 TOMALGAM: Big ol' Tomalgam was not really your average clone. Some just had little defects, like not having the same interests as the originals, or some were fused, but Tommie was very different. Standing at seven feet tall, with a couple of inches on top of that, he had a face made up of ten "eyes" and three mouths (one in the normal place, one on his cheek, and one above his eyebrow). That wasn't counting the other one on his neck, either. Six arms and four legs, walking was a nightmare for the poor babe. His torso was too heavy for his legs to hold up, so often he found himself crawling like a spider. Scuttle, scuttle! Right now the nervous reject was stumbling along, somewhere near that injured-looking Edd clone and the half separated Torm.

 SCRIBBLE: *eight arms and six legs

 Torm|Clutz (Sky) [] joined chat.

 ((Okay i'm finally back

 Clutz: Clutz rubs his hand a little. "Yeah, i'm okay. Tha...nks..." He pauses as he looks up at the reject clone before him. He's seen Torm before, even a few different variations of them, but never before has he seen a Torm this... Odd..? He doesn't want to think of the poor clone as scary, as much as they are to him, as that would be judging them just by their appearance and that's rude. He decides to just sit up, instinctively patting and brushing away any dust or dirt that decided to cling to his hoodie and his torn pants. He looks up again to notice a certain multi-limbed Tom clone. The clone looks rather uncomfortable as he walks. Even though Clutz knows he'll probably make it worse, he stands up and attempts to move over to the clone. "Sorry, excuse me." He smiles softly at the Torm clone before walking over to Tomalgam. "Hey, are you oka- Ah!" He trips. Again. He groans softly as he lands face first on the ground. Ow.

 ((Clutz is great at first impressions

 ((i,,

 ((HE MADE SURE TO SAY SORRY BUT HIS MOM SENSES WERE TINGLING

 Separatorm: Oh. Hes..kinda..hurt? but he gets it. That tom clone seems like he needs help more than him. He sighs, and just watches, he pats his own back, reassuring himself. Ok, hes good. He coughs though, eugh.

 ((My replies,,,

 ((are gonna be short because im v tired

 ((Is ok

 ((You is a tired bean

 ((pat

 ((//Hugs// My tired bean

 ((:0

 ((Tfw you have two unfinished drawings bc you don't have the motivation to finish them

 SCRIBBLE: I have to do hw so ill bbl-))

 [4'2"] Scribble Tom [7'2"] Tomalgam (Candy)'s connection timed out.

 ((:0 Okie dokie

 ((//Pats Jam// You can sleep now bby

 ((ah,,

 ((fades into the astral plane

 ((There they g o

 ((jk

 ((hugs u

 ((now i sleep

 ((Sweet dreams, babe. Love you <3

 ((love you too :0

 Tom|Seperatorm (Jamie) [] disconnected.

 [4'2"] Scribble Tom [7'2"] Tomalgam (Candy) [] joined chat.

 ((Ayy

 SCRIBBLE: Heeey))

 ((//Faceplants// I'm ded

 SCRIBBLE: catches))

 SCRIBBLE: same))

 ((:')

 ((Do you wanna continue with the rp? :0

 SCRIBBLE: Yeah sorry im just drawing-))

 ((Ooh :0!

 SCRIBBLE: Two of the clones mouths yelp, creating a duet of fright. He looks down at the poor reject that just fell at his feet, eyes blinking in confusion. After a moment, three arms are held up to help the chap up. Tommie doesn't talk, he just tilts his head a little.

 Clutz: "Thanks." He wipes the area just below his nose, wincing slightly as he sees blood on his hand. "S-Sorry." He feels rather useless. He came over to try and help this poor clone, not to make a fool of himself and have to get help from this poor clone! "I'm fine, i-it happens a lot." He sniffles softly to try and lessen the blood coming out of his nose. He's probably smudged it all over his cheek at this point so he just gives up and gives Tomalgam a reassuring smile.

 SCRIBBLE: The maw on his neck chews its bottom lip testily, drawing blood. Tomalgam winces, looking at the blood smudged across this fellow's cheek. He lifts an arm and points at the spot on his own face, then at the place his nose would be if he had one.

 Clutz: He wipes the spot a little, mostly cleaning it. "Did I get it?" He looks up at the tall clone's face, only really mildly disturbed by his features. Clutz does, though, notice the chewing from the other's neck mouth. "Oh, are you okay? Does it hurt?" It hasn't even dawned on him the possibility of this Tom clone being mute. He'll probably feel really bad if he gets no response.

 SCRIBBLE: He nods at the clone's first question, then an arm lifts and forces the neck's mouth open, ceasing the biting. Another nod, Tomalgam doesn't like talking. He hates his voice :(

 Clutz: "Oh, good! Since I was gonna try and come over here to help you anyways." He smiles brightly. And he's obviously helped so much since he moved over here... He quickly dismisses the thought from his mind.

 TOMALGAM: Tilting his head again, Tomalgam points at Clutz, eyes blinking. It's meant to be a sort of "who are you?" gesture.

 Clutz: He thinks for a second. Oh, right. "Everyone calls me Clutz..." He doesn't really like the name but it's the only one he has. "Can you tell me yours..?"

 ((Oop brb

 TOMALGAM: same-))

 TOMALGAM: All of his mouths, save the one on his neck, set in a thin line. After a while, he reluctantly forces out, "Tomal...gam..." His voice is hoarse and rough, and he seems to struggle to talk. Must be difficult with a mouth pressing against his windpipe.

 ((I LIVE

 TOMALGAM: eyy))

  Clutz: He jumps slightly, having been just about to ask if the poor guy was mute. "Oh, it's great to meet you Tomalgam!" He doesn't seem to pay any mind to the strain in the poor guy's voice. He's just appreciative that Tomalgam went to the trouble of projecting his voice for him.

 TOMALGAM: Nodding again, he holds out a hand for Clutz to shake. He has to stoop a little, tall babe.

 Clutz: He laughs softly and takes the tall bois hand. He's smol anyways at a nice 5'6. Taller than his mun by an inch.

 TOMALGAM: Coughs. Though his main mouth stays straight unlike him, the one on his cheek hesitantly smiles. Pure boy. Soft boy.

 ((They were both at 6'0, were they supposed to be? :0

 ((Cause I'm pretty sure my phone is just bein a butt

 TOMALGAM: oh, mustve not worked =]:/))

 ((What heights were supposed to be there?

 TOMALGAM: 7'2" and 5'6"))

 ((Ah ok!

 ((Man Clutz is tiny compared to Tomalgam

 TOMALGAM: imagine scribbs next to him))

 TOMALGAM: three foot))

 Clutz: It's okay everyone's gay in Wonderland He softly shakes the tol soft bois hand. Tall soft and small soft. Soft team.

((T INY

 TOMALGAM: The tall soft of the soft team points at Clutz various injuries with another arm, head tilted. How the fuck can one guy get so many injuries-

 TOMALGAM: imagine if tommie picked scribbs up and fucking wrapped him up in a little arm cocoon-))

 ((AaAAAA

 TOMALGAM: soMEONE NEEDS TO DRAW THAT-))

 Clutz: "Hm?" He looks at the arm. "Oh, I'm just really clumsy. I trip a lot.. Fall down stairs... A lot."

 Clutz: Hand* hecking

 ((Aw mAN I WISH I HAD ACCESS TO MY DRAWING TABLET

 TOMALGAM: He frowned sadly, that doesn't sound nice. He gently pats the soft smol's head.

 TOMALGAM: PATS,))

 Clutz: He flinches a little but smiles. He,,, Has a head injury,,,

 TOMALGAM: nnnnoooOOOOO- He sees the flinch and frick,,, he hurt him,, He pulls his hand away, fuck, he did bad. "Sorry.." He croaks out.

 Clutz: "No, no, it's okay! I just hit my head earlier." Soft comforting arm pat.

  TOMALGAM: "No..." He whines, it's all his fault. He sniffles, black liquid starting to ooze from a few of his eyes. He's a big baby.

 Clutz: PANIC. He just quickly hugs the poor boy. "No, don't cry!" Or,, Whatever he's doing,, "I-It's okay! It's really not your fault! You didn't know." He buries his face in Tomalgam's hoodie, not wanting to see the poor baby cry. "It's okay. It's okay."

 TOMALGAM: ! Snuffle.. four of his arms wrap around the boy, a tight cocooning hold. The other two wipe his eyes. Poor cuties.

 Clutz: He smiles softly and rubs his cheek against the big boy(TM). He picked up a few qualities of cats by living with a few stray ones right after everyone escaped. He still owns said cats. Man he loves cats. They're so graceful. Wait he's hugging someone. "Soft." Soft, warm and safe from all of the accidents he has. He's very rarely experienced a hug, let alone one with so many arms.

 TOMALGAM: Tomalgam has never been called soft before. Scary, ugly, sometimes even horrifying, but never soft. It makes him feel warm and fuzzy. The other two arms join their brothers around the small boy(TM).

 Clutz: He loves the affection. He's p much smothered in arms at this point but he really doesn't mind, as long as he can still breathe he's okay. He lets out a little laugh. "You give great hugs." He absolutely loves compliments. Getting them, giving them. He just loves em.

 TOMALGAM: The mouth on his neck makes a little noise of gratitude as the arms hold him tighter. Tomalgam be careful youre going to hurt him-

 Clutz: He finds it a little harder to breathe but tries to take no mind to it. He's pretty durable but any tighter and he'll have to call it quits.

 TOMALGAM: After a while like this, Tommie finally pulls away. Don't want to kill him on the first date- He looks around, he's getting tired of standing.

 Clutz: Lowkey takes in a few deep breaths of air. His legs are starting to get tired so he just sits down on the ground with a soft hum before patting the ground next to him.

 TOMALGAM: He slowly sits down, careful to not fall. This is done by crouching, and leaning forwards onto his hands as he sits. Hoo. Job well done.

 Clutz: He smiles as a silent 'good job!' before hesitantly leaning on the other. He just likes how warm Tomalgam is.

 Clutz: Plus if he's close to someone he feels safer.

 TOMALGAM: Tommie feels safer too, he remembers cuddling Good Tord. He misses Good Tord. He puts all his arms around Clutz, pulling him into his lap. Soft.

 Clutz: Oop he's a teddy now. He lays happily in Tomalgam's lap, positioning himself as close to the other clone as possible. Aw yeah first friend that isn't dead or a cat.

 TOMALGAM: Who says Tomalgam isnt a cat? He'll purr if you stroke him in the right place. He buries him face in the lil ones hair, smiling.

 Clutz: Omg He becomes a lil blushing mess. Aaa what is this affection he is receiving.

 TOMALGAM: It's affection from a big cuddle monster. Tommie isn't blushing, he probably thinks this is platonic or something

 Clutz: He does, too. He's just a lil cutie that gets easily flustered He can't help but giggle. He's a happy smol and he's gotta show it.

 TOMALGAM: Tommie laughs too, a gravelly, wheezing noise. Hoo, babe that doesn't sound healthy.

 Clutz: He's a bit skeptical but doesn't want to ruin the situation. He can ask about it later. He just adjusts his position to be a little more comfortable.

 TOMALGAM: Ruin the situation, eh? Tommie takes this moment to lay down and turn onto his side, Clutz still clutched tightly in his arms. No escape.

 Clutz: This is how he dies- He makes sure he's facing the bby as they both lay down. He rests an arm on Tomalgam, just putting the other in a comfy position. He's happy with this.

 TOMALGAM: Clutz is now his teddybear. He hasn't been this calm in fucking ages, woah. He could almost... zzzzz...

 TOMALGAM: Okay i think im gonna skedaddle for a while, seeeeeeya))

 TOMALGAM: tommie will never let clutz escape))

 [4'2"] Scribble Tom [7'2"] Tomalgam (Candy)'s connection timed out.

 ((Oh whoops. Nearly passed out

 ((I wanted to sleep anyways lmao

 Clutz: Aw fuck it's a dang sleepin party. He yawns a little and falls asleep not long after Tomalgam. Sleepy beans.

 ((And I'm off. Night babies

Torm|Clutz (Sky) [PHONE] [] disconnected

[truly-aninspiration-blog]

im just gonna fuck u up ALL for hades AND idk uhhh kiki sure that's prolly ur hardest one lmao have fun w that

wow man 

HADES 

A = Aftercare Hades is honestly...not the best at cuddling. He can, but around the uh... 5 minute...10 minute MAX mark, he starts feeling sticky and gross and he’s like ok i need 2 go shower or something this is terrible brb, 

B = Body part Hades knows he is an attractive person. He thinks he looks AMAZING. Fave part? All of them. On Belle, I mean, he loves her for her mind first i have to clarify this before i go on to say boobs he really-- likes them ok i 

C = CumGross. Cum is sticky and gross and he’d rather not deal with it. Plus of condoms man-- get all that cum in one place. 

D = Dirty Secret Uhhhhhhhhh gosh so many probably in terms of what he wants to do to Belle. He definitely wants to go down on her. He probably has imagined her going down on him. hades makes me uncomfortable

E = Experience Hades only had a few ish partners before Belle. He only rly ever had nondescript sex, usually quickies. He faked like #makinglove if it got him a room 2 sleep in ahhahF = Favourite Position Uh he’s fucked a lot from behind that’s as good one he has maximum control G = Goofy: Hades has the potential to be goofy. He has...never been goofy before during sex. I think he and Belle exchanged some cute silly words a few times mostly to break the tension or make Belle feel at ease. I’d love to see his goofier sideH = Hair: Hades keeps himself immaculately trimmed (doesn’t shave but-- trimmed). Very well groomed.  I = Intimacy: With Belle, he is very intimate. He likes looking in her eyes and stuff, very much wants to make sure she is taken care of. J = Jack Off Hades rly isn’t into masturbating tbh. He’d have to get a real itch to do it, otherwise, he just ignores it bc he has that gr8 level of control and sex has never been a big part of his life. 

sides u try being a 14 year old masturbating while there r ghosts in ur shower see how far that gets uK = KinkUh idk if Hades is educated enough in the wacky world of sex to have many ‘kinks.’ Like, besides maybe wanting to change it up with Belle and do more oral lmao I don’t think he’s that wild of a guy. Again, he rly is demisexual-- sex is not a big part of his life/concerns. L = Location A shower is nice bc clean up and sex all in one!  M = Motivation Mostly for intimacy purposes. If Belle wants to do it? Idk. When he’s feeling all soft and vulnerable lmao

N = NO Uh well Hades is like so pragmatic he could do honestly anything if asked tbh? I don’t think he has any moral qualms. If Belle wants to be slapped a’ight. Dress up as a beast? (heheh) A’ight. O = Oral Hades likes the idea of giving Belle oral bc he takes pleasure from giving pleasure it makes him feel #powerfulP = Pace answeredQ = Quickie answeredR = RiskansweredS = Stamina Hades has relatively good stamina. Probably bounce back in a half hour and bc he showers after sex, he isn’t one to fall asleep. He could go again. T = Toy Not yet!!! Toys would honestly make him real amused at first, but ok if his partner wants... U = Unfair Hades would LOVE teasing Belle. He’s actually more playful than u’d think and I think that’s why the idea of going down on her is so appealing ehheV = Volume Not noisy at all. He does a couple deep grunts u know that kinda thing. But rly he has amazing self control and he can be entirely silent if needed. W = Wild Card gosh uh-- Hades has given a bloke a handjob once and pickpocketed him after. look, he and seph needed 2 eat seph did tarot readings and hades gave handjobs, 

X = X-RayHades is about 6.5, sort of sleeender. It’s a leftie bc he’s a leftie hehe Y = Yearning I wanna say he’s kind of neutral here for the most part. When he realized he was in love with Belle and like-- makes out with her and stuff, he does wanna #getiton but sex rly is never at the forefront of his mind. He’s just as satisfied cuddling on the couch, doing a crossword. Z = ZZZNope! Not until he cleans himSELF 

KIKI

A = Aftercare KIKI IS A VIRGIN i imagine she’ll be cuddly tho? 

B = Body part KIKI IS A VIRGIN uh she rly loves her legs tbh loves wearing heels and being EVEN TALLER she’s never been self conscious about her height. 

C = CumKIKI IS A VIRGIN weirdly enough i feel like she’d be fascinated by cum i feel like a weirdo saying that 

D = Dirty Secret KIKI IS A VIRGIN kiki has had sex dreams and she’s always like uh that was weird, in the morning. 

E = Experience KIKI IS A VIRGINF = Favourite Position KIKI IS A VIRGING = Goofy: KIKI IS A VIRGINH = Hair: KIKI IS A VIRGIN but she! doesn’t really save down there at all! I mean does some trimming and stuff but she’s got a nice lil bushI = Intimacy: KIKI IS A VIRGIN but i feel like she’ll be pretty romantic. Kiki has always been kinda demisexual tbh so if she does have sex, the emotional connection needs 2 be thereJ = Jack Off this one makes me really uncomfortable... i mean... i dunno i feel like she hasn’t done it much she’s rly so stressed and barely thinks about sex and when she gets in her depressive funks she just sleeps all the time and barely has energy to like feed herself so she’s probably done it a bit when she was younger. not so much nOW 

K = KinkKIKI IS A VIRGINL = Location KIKI IS A VIRGIN uh she...on her broom sure M = Motivation Romance and intimacy!!

N = NO Kiki will not want to hURT herself i know that up front ahaha. O = Oral KIKI IS A VIRGIN  idk ppl tbh i sorta feel like she’d like giving oral P = Pace KIKI IS A VIRGIN she likes 2 go fast on her broom so WHO KNOWSQ = Quickie KIKI IS A VIRGIN i mean she could get down for that she’d probably think it’s kinda funny like teehee R = RiskKIKI IS A VIRGIN and tbh she’d be really unsure. she’d need instructions. like she’d need her partner to walk thru it and maybe to watch porn of whatever they were trying to help her visualize and understand ahaha she’s a total -claw so S = Stamina KIKI IS A VIRGIN but honestly she’d probably have great stamina T = Toy KIKI IS A VIRGIN  broomstick U = Unfair KIKI IS A VIRGIN i could totally see her teasing her partner a lot. Like lil handjobs and stuff under tables and inappropriate places, she’d get a lot of enjoyment from making someone else pleasured + happy ughV = Volume KIKI IS A VIRGIN uhhhh she’s really practiced at crying quietly to herself so jiji wont hear so. . . W = Wild Card one of her sex dreams was about MAUI why not she follows him on insta and thinks he’s really cute,,, 

X = X-Rayummmm kiki has a nice dark, lush bush as stated befoooore. uhhh kiki hasn’t really looked at her own vagina much honestly and tbh i have not looked at enough differences in vaginas to really visualize this Y = YearningKiki kinda yearns for a relationship in a way like-- she doesn’t think about it much, but when she does it def bums her out and she feels lonely and watches kdramas and other rom coms in her bed alone ahah. She doesn’t really yearn for the sex part as much as she does someone who will...love her and believe in her and make her feel special, since she’s always feel so not special :/ Z = ZZZtbh i think she’d be the type to get energized from sex like the energizer bunny like WAHOO TIME TO GO AGAIN/DO SPELLS/RIDE ON MY BROOM 

[00001100x-blog]

7:07; 150702

To my dearest baobei, my one and only Senpai #0,

Hi. If ever you’re wondering on why this started at July second, it’s because I kind of failed trying to type down what I wanted to say back in July first.

Actually, I’m not a fan of sending letters repeatedly because I have a tendency to write down the same things I wrote from the previous one and of course, it is boring just reading  the same stuff over and over again. But right now, I’m going to write something new. Some things I have never told you back on my previous letter.I don’t really know what I’ll be putting in here because as I told you in my previous letter, my ideas vanishes whenever I try to write you something. I don’t know why but they seem to hate me. ene

How many twelves has it been? Why does it feel like an eternity? Actually, I don’t really like celebrating this kind of things because I don’t want to measure how long we’ve been together but I just counted with a loud voice right now. February, March, April, May, June, July. From March, there were five twelves. (I actually panicked bcs I forgot March and April and I kept on counting February, May, June, July. /shot/)

I don’t know if I have told you that I actually planned on asking you on exactly Valentine’s Day and for some reasons, I was two days earlier. (But it was a good thing bcs became busy two days later) Idek why I’m telling you this but I’m really embarrassed right at this moment. Why did you do this to me I used to be nonchalant about being honest why am I so embarrassed right now this is not fair.

I don’t really know how this letter will go because I’m pretty sure this will be even more fucked up and gay unlike last time because this time, I promised to be as honest as I could and I don’t break my man words. I never break my man words. #mnalymannam

So yes, you have plastic surgeried into a J—Lee Taegyun and what the heck. Why do you look so much cuter for some reason? (I still haven’t forgiven that person who sent me a ton of your pictures okay. ene) What do you think would have happened if nanay Taeng didn’t expose your profile? Would we be reprimanded/ reported for yaoi-ing? /shot again/ Well, actually we were yaoi since the start so I don’t think it’s going to be a big issue. (I need my meds right now I think i’m getting mentally unstable again otl /shot)

I actually still am adjusting to your character change tbqh so I’m sorry if ever I don’t mention any names or misspell your name and mix it with Ambo. It takes me days (and even weeks) to adjust and I think I’m slowly getting into it though so I guess it wouldn’t be so hard anymore. unu

-8:13 -

-17:04-

If you have realized, there’s a reaaaaally huge gap on the time where I started and when I continued but you have been talking to me in between those hours. I don’t know why but I can’t really focus on writing this while I’m talking to you lately ‘cause I have been treating our time when we’re together so precious ‘cause we can’t talk as often as before unlike a few weeks ago where we had all the time for ourselves.

I kind of miss it.

You know, just… talking to you the whole day and acting so cute to “disturb” you. (I still think that I look so werd and that it’s stupid whenever I pretend to be a kitty/ puppy but I’m actually enjoying it whenever you’re all “omg u cute let me hug you ily eric” on me. /shot bcs why does this sound so weird)

Honestly, now that we’re a little more occupied, I just want to…

cLING ON YOUR LEG AND TELL YOU HOW MUCH I MISS YOU AND HOW MUCH I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU BUT CAN’T.

I don’t know with myself a hahahah a goodbye why do I sound like a child this is unfair i wanted to sound manly. D8

wHAT ELSE SHOULD I WRITE DOWN…

OH YEAH THAT-

You have been posting links on my wall and I know I tend to ignore some of them but I only ignore them bcs I’m on mobile and I wanted to see/ watch them first before giving my reactions on it. So yes, don’t feel so bad if I do so, Okay? unu

I know I tend to joke around and tell you I’d do really weird things (Like spilling your pictures to the whole sbliss community) but I don’t really mean all of them, okay? Just a few. I also don’t mean harm, okay. I only do that because… um… because I want attention. ouo

How am I saying this without getting so embarrassed though, I—

I’m going to get some air and cry at myself as I ponder on what I just typed and why I am typing this-

-18:27-

-9:04; 150703-

Okay, so as I said earlier, I have been bullying you a lot lately and I know at times I juust go overboard and do weird things. If you don’t like it though, just tell me to stop, ok? Because I don’t want you mad at me or anything unu. At times, I just don’t get the situation so easily. I’m just too dumb to handle at times. I’m sorry. Tbh, I don’t know how you deal with me whever I act like a kid and just annoy you the whole time. /shot/ I’m really sorry for being like this. Really.

I also know that whenever I play around and pretend as Tao and just blurt out really weird and cheesy crap like last time gets you in trouble (Like hurting yourself bcs I’m pretty sure you almost jumped off your seat while trying not to scream and squeal and contain all the feels last night). Tbh idk but I pretty much got a lil jealous when I found out you did bcs tao mentioned and Idk. I just… yeah. That.

And speaking of jealous, Forgive me if ever I suddenly say that I would “burn this /insert name/ guy right here”. It’s just that I really gET EASILY JEALOUS IDEK WHY BRB SOBBING AT MYSELF THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING WHERE IS MY MANLY NOW. But it’s true that I would gladly want to burn them men (and girls included at times tbqh) without any second thought.

Edit: I will seriously rip wonho’s head tho. ouo

But I’m a good boy so I won’t actually do it. ouo

-10:52 -

-9:09; 150704-

Okay. So yesterday, I just made the bravest decision in my life.

I have been the forbidden peach named Huang Zitao. Actually, I was really going to change even if I can’t change my name but that will be on the sixth.

Yes, on your birthday. Wow. Why am I even telling you this oh my gA

I don’t really plan on bullying you to be honest. I just want to legalize my AB puns. /shot so hard rn there’s blood everywhere/ And to be younger and not labelled a grandpa- /shot again- hEAD SHOT DOUBLE KILL/

I just realized that it has been days and it still hasn’t been as long as my last letter. For some reasons, I actually wanted it to be longer than the last one so hopefully it’ll be but I’m pretty sure you’ll get so bored in the middle of this and fall asleep at me since you’re a bear and all you do is sleep. /shot/ jkjk ily baobei

But really though. This letter is typed on microsoft word, Arial, size 8 and it’s only been two pages with 1,300+ words. It’s so short. And I was planning to add a thousand more to my word count goal. (So at least 3,000 words. Wow. I can make a novel with the letters I’m sending you xD)

So to make it longer, I will just tell you the cheesiest and most cringe- worthy puns and pickup lines I will hear and watch over on the next few days. I wanted to sound a little romantic but I just can’t. For some reasons, I just sound so lame whenever I do that.

And by lame, I meant so lame that people will just stare at me with a poker face and say “u kidding me bro?”

Yep.

oH I FOUND THIS POEM LIKE THING I KIND OF WROTE WHEN I WAS BORED.

But it isn’t as cheesy as the things I send you, alright. I’m just trying to sound like I’m gonna spoil you so much one day.

I don’t know if I should send you the whole thing but then I re-read it and laughed because there was a line that said: “I’ll make sure to time travel back to the Jurassic era to get you a dinosaur or ten”. I might have missed taking meds that day because time travelling sounds im—Wait- It’s not impossible for me now I just have to activate Tao pow—I think I’ve lost it- ouo

-10:20-

-10:47; 150707-

I haven’t been writing in this document for two/ three days because I was busy and I had to do a lot of other stuff but hERE I AM YAY AFTER A MILLION YEARS—

Alright, what else should I say?

So yes, I know I have rEALLY lacked a lot. I know at times I am a lil wimpy and I only know how to be logical and I really don’t fight back to people (Because if I do I’ll get back the worse way possible and I admit that I’m a nerd that’s why I don’t fight back) and you kind of saved my butt when the bs fight happened. unu (Truth is that I’m tired talking to her tbh and I’m not good at insulting others in front of their faces. /shot/ Also, I act like a kid a lot of times- Tell me if I’m getting annoying okay I just— idk why i’m doing it when I get really embarrassed doing aegyo on other people-

-11:51-

-13:34-

Warning: You’ll find the word sorry a lot from this point on.

If you don’t know, I’ve been trying to write something during my free time that’s why some are cliff- hanger-ed and some are just damn short. (Like your height. jkjk ily baobei) tbh, I feel bad about that- Not being able to write you something as long as my previous letter. You know that I get mad at myself if I fuck up or if I didn’t get things right. I actually am a little upset at myself for not being able to write paragraphs and paragraphs of cheese that I have promised myself to write in this letter.

I guess I failed again.

I’m sorry for always being like this okay? I just think I should do better the next time and surpass what I have done the last time. This is why I wanted to write at least 3,000 words because 2,700 is not enough. I just need to do much more for some reason. Honestly, I don’t even know why I have the need to do that when I barely challenged myself into something. Maybe it’s just not enough?

I still am wondering on why I still remember most of the things you tell me. Useless or not. (Yes, I still remember it. It’s red. You told me to forget but it just crossed my mind again.) I really am so sorry if I use it against you at times and teasing you about them. I just—you’re just so cute whenever I tease you and I can’t help but tease you more because you’re so cute. So much kawaii pls u kawaii. You’re a living kawaii god. /whispers/ jesus.

I actually wanted to put the word “my” before “kawaii god” but it just doesn’t sound so right. Not in a dirty way, though- But it kind of sounds as if I’m actually worshipping you and that’s just too extreme and it sounds a lil obsessed. (I wouldn’t mind worshipping you tho if you want to eue /shot/) It’s not that I don’t love you, okay. I just don’t want to sound so obsessed and weird though I’m pretty sure I would end up planking in the middle of the road and scream your name out in agony as the cars beep at me because I’m causing a traffic jam when you’re not around.

I think I’m a little overreacting right now and I should stop doing that.

sEE WHAT YOU DID TO ME YOU MADE ME THIS GAY I WASN’T THIS GAY BEFORE. unu

-13:58-

-17:02; 150709-

I blabber a lot of nonsesnse sometimes ok and it doesn’t mean that I do them on purpose. I really don’t want to make you mad or anything. You shouldn’t mind me if I do that ok. unu

Also, please do tell me when you’re upset ok. It makes me feel a lil bit uneasy and want to go back to my man words and wanting to leave because I start to have thoughts that it would be better if I disappear. I’m sorry. At times I just get to be really depressed and i do things that are beyond stupid.

Shoot. My head is aching even more. Hahahaha

Anyways, so, yes, I don’t know what in the fuck is wrong with me that I keep on fucking things up and stuff. I also don’t know why I keep on saying sorry but I am really, really sorry. I’m so sorry no words can describe how sorry I am.

Isn’t this a creative letter? Hahaha Sorries are most likely 95% of my letter.

… And I said it would be really cheesy this time. /shot/

-17:31-

-15:39; 150711-

I should be really honest right now and say that I really was supposed to do a few paragraphs each day but I failed. It’s not because I was abandoning it, okay. It was because I prefer to Talk to you and hug you and stuff than write something here. I also wasn’t really planning on making you a letter this time but then I thought I couldn’t really do anything more than that because I pretty much suck at things that I’m supposed to be good at.

Like making good puns.

… In which I was never good at.

But my AB puns are still unbeatable okay, b AB. eue /sHOT RIGHT AT THE SPOT/

I really think you don’t need to read this whole letter tbqh because It’s just full of nonsense crap anyways. The main point here (again) is that I love you so much. Very muuuuch. Like this -> o <-Because circles doesn’t end and I just love you that much okay. unu

But I guess I should end this letter reaaaal soon.

What else should I say?

Yeah. I’m a little short of my own word limit and this is dumb because I said I’d write 3,000 words and get you so bored reading this but I guess I failed. unu

Whatever, though. I already feel accomplished as I have finished another letter once again.

I love you so much.

Even if you’re so mean and you bully me a lot and you like taking advantage of things especially when it comes to aegyo. /shot bcs semi- describing myself/

-20:25-

-13:46; 150712-

But I guess I shouldn’t end this just yet.

I really don’t want to say thank you and stuff because I’m pretty sure that I’m trying my best to show you how thankful I am that you existed in my life ok. You always make me feel that I’m important even if I’m a really annoying weirdo sometimes.

About that one we had a fight, by the way, I only said it wasn’t a big deal but to be honest there was one time I really begged people so I can get one ok. tHIS IS EMBARRASSING OH MY gOD. And of course I’m sure you know all about that because Sica tells you all the embarrassing things I tell her and do in front of her.

But really though, I deleted most of what I got except for yours pls.

-14:02-

-16:19-

Wow. I’m so out of words now.

Actually, I already had this letter done last night but then the urge of dragging it longer is just so biG.

All I really want to say is that I love you even if you’re mean and you like calling me cute even if I’m trying to be manly in front of you.

I love you even if you’re a really big klutz and you’re confused all of the time.

I love you even if you’re the most imperfect creature in this world bcs pls there is no flawless creature in this world.

I love you because you’re you so no matter how dumb you get jUST REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOU OK.

And never forget that bcs if you do I will seriously just… sulk in a corner there because I’m unmanly enough to do something manly about that.

Yes. And no matter what happens, you’ll be my small, fragile and kawaii oppa. (Even though you’re really not an oppa. Stop confusing ppl pls they’re starting to think we’re gay tho it’s kind of true that we’re gay.)

And seriously, okay. I will try my best to protect you even though the truth is that you’re the one who saves my butt.

But yes, I want to tell you that I love you so much. Very much. So much that words can’t explain it anymore. It’s unfathomable. (what the fuck am I saying. Hahahaha /shot/)

Let me say it again,

I love you, Jung Daeun.

So much.

-16:30-

By Huang Zitao, 71215

Total words: 3,021(Time and emoticons included)

Pages: 5 (portrait) 6 (landscape)