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script-nef · 4 years

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No need for jealousy, sweetie | Kageyama Tobio

Category: fluff

2k words; Is it a famous idol? Is it a high-skilled setter? Nope. It's his own son.

Everyone knows Kageyama Tobio, the genius setter of Japan’s national team and a member of The Monster Generation, is a love-struck fool. It’s not that hard to find out, seeing how his normally rigid and scowling face immediately turns soft and full of tender affection as soon as his wife is mentioned. His reaction is the same when his son, who celebrated his first birthday just a few months ago, becomes the topic of conversations as well.

The news of his son’s birth was posted all over Japan’s news as it consisted of a video uploaded onto his SNS account where you were beaming like a sun with your newborn baby in your arms while Tobio was silently crying his eyes out. He then moved to embrace you, words of thanks and love spilling out in between hiccups and cries. You joked that he cried more than you during the labour and everyone in the room was either laughing or comforting him.

You once attended one of his matches with Hikari in your arms, cheering for your husband and his team. As soon as the match was finished and congratulations were given, he zipped to your side and took the baby off of you. Hikari, recognising his father, gurgled joyfully and snuggled deeper into his embrace. As you started talking to Tobio, they both looked at you with an identical expression, like it was copy-pasted, that fans nearby took hundreds of photos. It’s one of the highlights in compilations of “Kageyama in husband mode” videos. (Other popular uploads include interviews where he doesn’t shut up when asked about your health or questions about your relationships. A lot of his fans started liking him thanks to YouTube’s wacky algorithms.)

Tobio is the embodiment of a devoted husband and father. Despite his odd memorisation skill which seemed limited to all things volleyball related, he never once missed an anniversary, birthday or doctor’s appointment. He even excused himself from practices for you. You can still hear how Hinata screamed “You’re skipping volleyball practice? You?” when he delivered the news. Interviews and commentaries after matches were cut short, much to his company and team officials’ dismay, because he couldn’t waste a second returning back to your side. He always repeated “[Name] is waiting. Goodbye.” with a bow and took off. He also wakes up practically instinctively to the baby’s cries even after he’s wiped out due to his rigorous training. The amount of superhuman stamina he has made you jealous since you’re half-dead after exercising a bit while he’s fit as a horse. He says any exhaustion he has evaporates as soon as he sees his son’s cute little face. A weird and floppy smile appeared on his face whenever he took the minuscule hands in his.

Hikari is practically a carbon copy of his father. Same piercing black eyes which look odd but strangely suitable on a one-year-old, smooth black hair growing in tufts and a round face with baby fat filling out his plump cheeks. Tobio sometimes pokes his chubby cheeks while he’s sleeping, hands trembling like he’s about to touch a priceless artifact. If you took a photo now and compared it to one of Tobio’s childhood ones, even he would be confused. They’re just that much alike.

When his teammates and friends visited to celebrate Hikari’s first birthday, their reactions were… quite interesting. Apparently they didn’t expect the child, a genetic offspring from Tobio and you, to have the similarity percentage lopsided to 99 and 1. Hinata argued 99.5 and 0.5 which caused another fight to explode between him and your husband.

It was very childish, the arguments thrown around being the equivalent of “Look at him! Are you sure you didn’t just split into half like that thing with the cell?” “Mitosis, idiot.” “Why are you still so mean, Tsukishima?! But yeah, mitosis!” “What the hell do you think you’re saying, dumbass? He’s so much like [Name]!” “Only you can see that, Mr Wife Idiot!” and so on. It was cut short when Hikari started crying due to the influx in noise and Tobio’s Dad Mode kicked in.

In your eyes, it’s absolutely adorable. Two copies of your favourite face in the world to wake up to and fill your life with. While pregnancy was a pain, right now is paradise. Especially since Hikari is a quiet and calm kid just like his father. By now, you should be concerned if they’re clones rather than father and son.

But recently, Tobio’s kind of miffed at Hikari for some reason. That doesn’t mean he’s neglecting his child, he would rather die than do that. He’s as attentive as ever, if not even more so than usual. Using his overpowered athletic skills to respond to Hikari’s whines or cries much faster than you, he drops everything and runs out at the smallest indication of discomfort. It’s also not because having a baby is a handful, they’re meant to be like that.

No, he’s just incredibly jealous of a one-year-old because “he’s taking up all your time and affection when you promised to love me most in the world”.

When he first said that, your initial reaction was to double-take because you thought you heard him wrong. The thought of “Well. My hearing is failing now” echoed in your head. But no, this dork was being possessive and filled to the brim with envy over his son. His own. Son. As unbelievable as it sounds, it’s kind of in character for Tobio. Tobio who has various epithets like:

King of the Court

Volleyball Idiot

Number 1 Wife Fan

Mr “I have two brain cells and one’s for volleyball and one’s for my wife. A third one is sprouting for my son.”

And plenty of other variations.

So far, the attempt to make him understand the needlessness of his concerns and jealousy haven’t gone well. Generally, it starts with your defence of “Tobio, I love you and Hikari equally.” “You said you would love me the most in the world!” “Fine then, I love you the most in the world.” “I know you’re lying!” “Sweetie, please.” Rinse and repeat.

He turns dejected after every single “fight” and curls up into a ball, refusing to talk to you unless you hug and kiss him. He thinks he’s sneaky and manipulative. He really isn’t, you have him playing in the palm of your hands.

But it’s going to become a real problem if he’s going to be jealous with the tiny tenant who’s going to be around for at least another 2 decades. And the worst thing is that you can’t regularly find advice since his closest friends aren’t… much of a help.

Hinata looked at you like you were crazy in one of your rare meetups. Tsukishima acted like he was actually getting sick from your concerns, that salty bastard. Yachi, kind and helpful and sweet Yachi, was the only one who made valuable contributions with Yamaguchi. It’s such a shame they’re so busy that they can barely have a social life nowadays.

“Hmm… I mean, he stills loves Hikari, right?”

“Yes. Endlessly.”

“Well then… how about treating him exactly the same as you did before Hikari came, if not more affectionately? That’ll show him that his son, his one-year-old son who doesn’t even understand the concept of jealousy, is not a quote-unquote threat.”

“Just threaten to leave him alone for like, a month if he keeps on being possessive. That’ll wake him up.”

“Tsukki!”

“Oh hello, Satan, didn’t think you'd be contributing. How’s roasting the souls of the innocent going?”

“It’s going fine. Would they really be innocent if they’re in Hell?”

“It’s a joke, Sea Salt. Also, that would crush him!”

“That’s the whole point.”

“I think you’re using this just to annoy him.”

“You’re thinking correctly.”

“Back to the topic at hand! [Name]-chan, just reassure and spend a lot of time with him.”

“That’s literally what I’m doing right now! Ughhh what should I dooooo…”

“You know it’s really annoying when lovestruck couples come and complain about their relationship like it’s a problem when in reality you’re happy, right? Just saying.”

“Tsukki, she has a real problem here!”

“Eh, does she though?”

And of course, that line of conversation took off before you could object and continued for the rest of the visit. So all in all, the two-hour lunch date with your friends resulted in a public commotion which nearly got you kicked out of the café. You were about to return home with no solid solutions when Hinata grabbed and stopped you.

“Hinata?”

“[Name]-chan, I’m sure it’s going to be fine. I think he’s just like this because he spent his entire life looking at either volleyball or you, and now that a third party has entered, he’s just not used to it. Time fixes everything or something like that, right?”

“It’s already been a year though…”

“Yeah, well… I’m sure he’s getting better. I remember when we visited you on Hikari’s okuizome, he was literally looking at you for the entire time. The entire time. When it was his son’s 100th day anniversary.”

Yes, Tobio spent the whole 5 hour party/ceremony with his eyes glued onto you, until everyone berated him for his lack of attention. Hinata literally flung a rubber band at his head and he didn’t even flinch. It was the main topic of conversation in your friend circle for the next month or so.

“But when we came again for his first birthday, Kageyama was all over Hikari! I think the transition of his love for you to Hikari is a bit slow, if that makes sense. He probably thinks the love you have for him is getting smaller compared to his love for you. Our Kageyama’s a bit of an idiot like that, right?” You don’t really know whether to nod or shake your head. “The fact that you’re hesitating kind of says everything, [Name]-chan. It’ll get better when his love for Hikari matches yours, okay? Hang in there!”

With a swift but warm hug, Hinata ran off to do his training.

The entire walk back home was filled with ruminations. Hinata was probably right. Kageyama’s attitude was slowly, but surely changing now that you’re thinking back. The ratio of his time with you and Hikari was 9:1 when he was just born, but recently it was more like 8:2. It should be concerning that this is the progress after a year of living together, but it’s better than nothing. You probably have nothing to worry about.

“Tobio, I’m home!” Silence welcomed you back. “Love? You home?” It was one of his rare days off and he said he would be taking care of Hikari so you could enjoy some free time while he can sleep in for the day. Also because his team instructor forbade him from meeting with Hinata since it always ends with a 3 hour volleyball match.

“In here.” A tiny reply emerged from the nursery. He always came running as soon as the front door creaked open like an overgrown puppy since you started living together, so this was surprising. Quietly tiptoeing in, you were met with your baby sleeping soundly in your husband’s arms, sucking on his thumb and sleep-babbling intermittently. Tobio’s face was one of love and pure happiness as he watched Hikari snoozing away like he didn’t have a care in the world—the same face he made when he stared at you. When he raised his head up to look at you, his eyes were filled with joy and warmth, crinkling in the edges.

“He’s so small.” He whispered, careful not to wake Hikari up. You joined him by his side, gently nudging your child’s chubby cheeks and revelling at its softness. “I have this… this feeling in my chest whenever I look at him… the same one whenever I see you.” Tobio’s hand came up to cup your face and he pressed a tender kiss to your lips.

“I love you both so much.”

Yeah, you have nothing to worry about.

#kageyama x reader #kageyama imagine #kageyama tobio x reader #kageyama tobio imagine #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu!! imagine #haikyuu one shot #haikyuu!! one shot #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#kageyama #kageyama tobio #fluff #female reader

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prettyguardiankore-blog · 3 years

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Their Return (Levi x Fem!Reader)

Chapter 9

(updated completely on my ao3!)

… 47 ... 48 ... 49… . .50! You let out a labored exhale as you collapsed onto the floor, muscles aching. You used to be able to pump out 100 like nothing, and now, it took you twice as long, and you could barely muster 50. This decided it. You were going to start training again. It unnerved you knowing you were this weak. You groaned as you slowly pulled yourself up from the ground, wincing slightly as your muscles pulled. You glanced down at your chest. Boob sweat. Nice. You reached over to the bench for your towel and began wiping yourself down.

They had left in the morning. You hadn’t slept much, and after a restless slumber, you woke up and peered out of your window, to see a flurry of Scouts pouring out of the castle's main gate. It had been raining.

📷

Most of your morning had consisted of you curled up under your covers, desperately trying to return to sleep, so you wouldn’t think about the expedition. Although, it quickly became evident it wouldn’t work- being in your room doing absolutely nothing was a more tortuous task than you’d anticipated. After realizing that being alone with your thoughts wouldn't do, you began to pack your morning with anything and everything you could to pass the time. So far you’d updated the library catalog, dusted the shelves, helped the cooks clean the kitchen (a task that had earned you a small basket of fruits, which you graciously accepted.), and watered some plants. Hell, you’d even cleaned your room, the filthy mess it was. And now you’d just finished a workout. You looked at your watch. It’d been about two hours since you’d come into the training room. That should be good for today, you decided, so you gave yourself one last wipe down before shutting the door, and heading back to your room.

You needed a shower. You stunk, bad. As you entered your room, you marveled once again in how spacious the floor actually was when it wasn’t covered in shit, and headed to the bathroom, removing your sticky sports bra and exercise shorts, and popping yourself into the cool water. They should be returning soon, you thought, as you scrubbed your scalp. Occupying yourself with busywork hadn’t actually done much to calm your nerves, it only distracted you. All day you’d been thinking about them. How many of them would return? If any of them would return... You felt a lump rising in your throat as you clasped your hand over your lips to stop their trembling. You’d never been so emotional. Hange and Moblit had gone on plenty of expeditions, so why were all these fears resurfacing now? You shut off the water and stepped out of the shower to begin getting ready. It was probably because of Furlan. Your chest grew heavy as you replayed through your own memories. The last conversation I had with him reminded me so much of her … you slapped your cheeks. Stop projecting. It wasn’t fair to Furlan or Marla, and it certainly wasn’t doing your mental wellbeing any justice. You sighed, and returned your attention to getting ready. You didn’t want to take too long, so you put your hair up as quickly as you could, threw on a simple sundress your mother had sewn for you ages ago, and headed out the door. You couldn’t wait any longer, and they should be arriving back soon.

You decided to just wait at the top of the tower until you saw them entering Wall Rose. You’d done basically everything you could to pass the time at this point, so all there was left to do was to wait. You stepped up the narrow stairs, and popped into the area. ★Cold air immediately hit your face, and you shivered. I should’ve brought a jacket, you grimaced, rubbing your arms. You’d forgotten how cold it could get up there. You perched yourself onto the wall's edge and peered down below. Everything looked so small from up there.

Jump off.

You blinked, before slowly removing yourself from the edge. Let’s not get into that right now. ★ You stared mindlessly out into the city, until eventually, you noticed something.

📷

You stared out near the gate. You couldn’t see much, but at the very least from where you stood, you could make out a large group of people accumulated near the entrance. You twiddled your thumbs nervously together. It would be around half an hour before they made it back to the castle. So now you had to wait again. You groaned, and slumped your forehead into your palms. You almost wished you hadn’t seen them enter the wall, because now your restlessness had increased tenfold. So you just stood there, eyes closed tightly shut, waiting. The wind brushed against your face. I wonder if the wind is whistling right now. After what seemed like years, you shot a glance over the wall. Your eyes widened. They were back. You shot up and bolted over the door and began running through the castle. All the pent up energy you’d accumulated throughout the day was bursting out of you as you rushed out to go wait by the main gate. You didn’t want to actually talk to them, aside from Hange, most soldiers weren’t very chatty upon their return, rightfully so. So you weren’t entirely sure how you’d go about checking up on everyone without being annoying. Eventually, you settled on waiting by a pillar. When you spot Hange, you’d pull them from the crowd, and ask them how it went. So that’s what you did. You hid yourself behind the tall stone pillar, peeking out from behind it. You squinted your eyes. You couldn’t see them at all. Come on, where are they? You thought, chewing your lip pensively. As you scanned the crowd, you suddenly felt someone grab your sides from behind, and you jumped about a foot into the air, before quickly turning around. You were met with Hange grinning at you, and Moblit standing to their left, shooting you an apologetic look.

You shot a look back to the crowd, and then back to the, jaw dropped open.“H-How did you-”

“You’re not slick you know. Everyone could totally see you.”

“I wasn’t trying to- Well- ”

You didn’t know where you were going with that, so you clamped your mouth shut. You looked back at them, and you realized something. They were standing right in front of you. They weren’t corpses left behind, or being carried on the wagon. There was no one else standing in front of you, telling you with an averted gaze that they didn’t make it. They were right here. Tears began forming in your eyes.

“Oh dear! You’re crying? What’s been up with you recently? Are you going through puberty again?” they chuckled.

“Hange, don’t tease her.” Moblit scolded lightly, before turning back to you, and giving you a kind, but tired smile. He reached over and gently pat your head. “Don’t worry, we’re back.”

You nodded, clenching your jaw tightly to prevent your entire face from trembling.

“Ah, you're just like a little kid.” they smiled pulling you in for a hug. You weren’t big on physical affection, but as they held you, you found yourself craving their touch, and furrowed yourself deeper into their embrace, closing your eyes. A strange warm feeling was blossoming in your chest. It was lovely.

Suddenly you felt another warm feeling in your body, but this wasn’t the feeling of love. It was the feeling of embarrassment. That didn’t take long. You’d come over blubbering like a baby, and had collapsed into their arms. They were probably tired from the expedition, and you were just giving them more to worry about. At once, you felt very uncomfortable. You slowly pulled yourself from their arms and stood, back straight, clearing your throat.

“Sorry. Maybe I am going through puberty again. That would explain a lot.” you chuckled.

“Don’t worry about it.” they said gently. You nodded bashfully. ”How did it go?” you asked.

“Well, we did fine.” they said, turning back to Moblit. “But the rain was really horrible. That, in combination with the new formations we weren’t as familiar with... resulted in a lot of us getting separated. We were fine, but I don’t know about everyone else.” they said, frowning.

“At the very least, we're all accounted for. No one's missing.” Moblit chimed in.

“I see. Well, I’m glad you two are okay.” you said, softly. “Really glad.”

“We could tell.” they teased. You shot them an annoyed look, and cleared your throat.

“By the way, have you seen Levi’s squad at all?” you asked, turning to face Moblit. He looked up, thinking.

“I haven’t. Because we got separated, we ended up turning back at different times. I think we were the last group.” He said, with a shrug. “But they should be back in their barracks at this point, if you want to go check up on them.”

You fiddled with your dress, and shot your eyes down to your feet. You were finally about to find out what happened to them. It was strange. As much as you wanted to rush over and check on them, the ever looming possibility of some of them not being there also made you want to lock yourself away in your room and never come out. But you were going to have to find out eventually, and waiting if you waited any longer you might die from the stress.

“Thank you, Moblit.”

“Mhm.”

You said your goodbyes and thank yous to the two of them, and headed to the barracks. Once you reached the entrance gate, you stopped. The anxiety brewing in your chest left your skin feeling prickly. You clenched your fists. You can do this.

You took a deep breath and began a skittish walk to the barracks, until you found yourself at their room, your hand hovering over the door, preparing to knock. But your hand never moved. You stood frozen, the world still around you, all while your mind was screaming at you to take action. Just do it. Then, you felt someone tap on your shoulder, abruptly pulling you from your trance. You whipped your head back. Levi stood behind you, eyes downcast and sullen. Upon seeing his expression, you felt your nerves go through the roof. He’s alone, you noted, chewing your lip. No, no, that doesn’t mean anything. They might still be at the stables. Isabel really loved that horse. During your writing lessons, she’d often get distracted, and ever since she was assigned that horse, it’s all she would talk about, gushing about the animal until you gently reminded her why she was with you. You swallowed, before mustering out something to say.

“H-how did the expedition go? I heard you guys got separated.”

He said nothing. His silence brought an inescapable feeling of dread washing over your body. You hadn’t wanted to ask this right from get go. But you couldn’t keep it in.

“Where are Isabel and Furlan?” you asked, quietly. He flicked his gaze back to look at you, eyes widening, before casting his eyes back down to the floor.

Your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach. You knew exactly what that look meant. You’d seen it countless times. You took a shaking breath, and tears began dripping out of your eyes. They’d died out there. And they’d died in the most horrendous way possible. They had so much life in them, and it had been torn away. Their last moments had been filled with absolute terror. You brought your hands to cover your face. You thought you could prepare yourself mentally for bad news. How naive. Isabel was so young, and she had barely set out to see the world. Furlan, he definitely had feelings for you. It was something you chose to ignore because you weren’t sure how to deal with it. But, could you have been happy together? Could you have really loved each other? Were all your potential lovers simply doomed to die? These questions felt all too familiar.

But you were not the one hurting the most right now.

You slowly pulled your face from your hands to look at Levi. He looked devastated. His jaw was clenched stiffly shut, eyes dead set on his shoes, He couldn’t meet your eye. Your heart ached at the sight, but you couldn’t think of anything you could do to help him. Nothing you could say could alleviate the pain, and even if it could, you didn’t know that you had the strength in you to say it. You swallowed down the lump in your throat, and finally said something.

“Levi, I am so sorry.” you murmured.

You reached out your arms, and pulled him into your chest. Maybe you should’ve asked first, but you didn’t know if you could successfully get any words out without beginning to cry. So you just held him in your arms. You held your breath. He felt stiff, but eventually, you felt him relax in your arms, and you let out a quivering breath as you exhaled. Your eyes widened as you felt his arms slowly reach up behind your back, returning the embrace.

The two of you held each other. Your shaky breaths had turned into a torrent of quiet sobs as you held him in your arms. Your mind raced over what you could’ve done to prevent this outcome, but you came up with nothing. You thought reaching this conclusion would provide you with some sense of acceptance, but it only deepened the sorrow in your heart. There was absolutely nothing you could’ve done to prevent this, and that was the most frustrating thing in the world. How ironic, you’d reached out to comfort him, but you were the only one crying. After a while, you felt something land on your head, but you dismissed it. But then you felt another, then another, so you decided to pull away and look up at the sky. It was raining again. Fucking great.

“What the hell is up with the weather today?” you sniffled. “It’s totally erratic.” you said, looking back down to meet his eyes.

They looked glassy now, but you decided not to bring it up. He didn’t say anything. Maybe he just wanted to be left by himself, you would understand if he did. But before you left him on his own, you wanted to reach out one last time. Maybe some company would comfort him before he returned to his room, alone. Should I offer him some tea? You shivered, rubbing your arms. It was freezing. Might as well try it.

“W-would you want to grab some tea before you went to sleep?”

“Hold on.”

You raised your brow as he walked into his room, shutting the door in your face, and he soon came out, throwing something at you. You flinched as you aimlessly grabbed at the air, to catch whatever he threw at you, and you realized it was a piece of clothing, you held it up, and saw it was the same jacket he'd been wearing the first time you’d met. You gave him a confused look.

“A thin sundress doesn’t do much for the rain.”

“Ah, I suppose you’re right.” you said, shimmying your arms into the sleeves. Wasn’t quite your size, but it’d do.

“Thank you.”

“Mhm.”

The two of you began walking over to the castle in silence. Thankfully, but not unsurprisingly, there were no annoying guards to pester you on your way there. The heaviness and guilt in your heart hadn’t wavered, but you’d gotten out all your tears, or at least the tears you were willing to spill in front of other people. You soon arrived in the kitchen, and you immediately set to make the tea. Usually the silence would be unbearable, but both of you had far too much on your mind to even notice. Besides, you hadn’t invited him to chat, you only wanted to keep him from being alone for the rest of the evening. You filled the pot with water, placed it on the stove and sat down next to Levi at the table. You were staring out blankly into the air in front of you until you felt him tap on your shoulder, and you turned to his lips.

“How do you deal with this?”

You stopped for a moment to think about how to answer. You probably weren’t the person to ask.

“As I think you noticed a couple days ago, not in the best ways.”

“...How aren’t you angry?”

“I was, I-I mean, I still am, to be honest. The only thing that really changed is that I grew tired...It’s tiring being so angry every single day, “ you paused. “I don’t know if I told you this, or maybe Hange mentioned it, the blabbermouth they are, but during my recovery days, I was very rowdy… I feel so bad for those poor nurses. I had multiple broken ribs, some internal bleeding in my stomach, and to top it all off, I couldn’t hear a thing, but every day, I still tried to sneak out of the hospital, I hated being confined to bed.” you explained, fiddling your fingers together. “This sort of behavior only grew when they told me that more likely than not I wouldn’t be able to serve. I felt like I had to prove my competence to them, so I was sneaking off to the training fields at night. Eventually, they had to restrain me to my bed.”

“Doesn’t sound like you.”

“I’ve changed quite a bit since then, probably for the better. But anyways, about your question, eventually, I realized that my anger had no real direction. I was mad at myself, for not being quick enough. I was mad at Marla, for not listening to our Captain's orders, I was mad at my Captain, for picking us to go back and kill that crazy abnormal, and I was mad at the titans. I even attacked Hange at one point. I quickly lost, considering it took all I had to stand properly.” you said, feeling your face heating up at the memory. “But there was nothing I could do. So eventually my anger waned off, and was replaced with self loathing.”

You stopped to think, staring mindlessly at your hands, folded neatly on your lap.

“But it’s still there, I know that much… but you know, it’s not all bad. I’ve realized that since then the only thing I can do is grow for the better. I only slip when I allow myself to, and that’s fine as long as I can recover the next day.. And I still have people that care about me.” you noted. The faces of Hange and Moblit flashed through your mind. “...And the ones that are no longer here to care for me, I have to act right for them. I don’t want them to be disappointed or sad as they look down on me. I have to live on properly for them.”

You felt the tears welling up in your eyes, and the heavy feeling in your chest reappeared.

“I-I don’t know if any of that was helpful...but that’s my experience with it.”

You looked back to face him. He looked at you with distant eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he did, his eyes flicked over to the stove behind you, and he shut his mouth, pointed a finger at it.

“It’s boiling.”

“O-oh okay. I’ll get that.” you said, leaping off from your seat to the stove. You set it down on the counter to allow it to cool, and opened the cabinet, reaching in for the tea cans.

“Green or black?”

“Green, please.”

You nodded, and set some cups out to steep, before placing yourself back on the seat next to him.

“I’m going to continue on the expeditions.”

You nodded.

“I don’t know what's in store for me in the future, but I’ve decided on one thing. I’m not going to live the rest of my life in regret of this decision.” He swallowed, clasping his hands tightly in front of him. “I’m going to live on, dedicating my whole life to this cause.”

You stared at him. What he was saying sounded noble, but you couldn’t help but be worried. It somehow seemed like a self destructive mindset. You took a long sip from your tea, and stared down into the glistening liquid. You were scared. You’d told him that things got better, but how much of that did you actually believe yourself? It took every ounce of your power not to burst into tears where you sat and cry for hours. You felt a lump in your throat, and swallowed.

“It’s most important to live for yourself. Just remember that.” you said, softly.

“You too.”

“Huh?”

“You shouldn’t be happy just because of the wishes of others. You should be happy because you are.”

You blinked at him, before staring back into your mug.

“I guess I was being sort of hypocritical, huh?”

The two of you sat there in silence for a while, slowly sipping away at your tea, until eventually, your cups were empty. You reached into your pocket for your watch. It was late now. You turned back to face him.

“We should probably get out of here.” you said, pulling yourself up from the chair. You reached out your hand. “I’ll take your cup.” you offered. He took one last, long sip before placing the cup in your hand, and getting himself up. You placed them gingerly in the sink, and the two of you left the kitchen. You walked in silence down the hallway, until you reached the point where you had to separate.

“Well, I need to get going.” you said. He didn’t say anything in response. You chewed your lip, unsure if you should say more, or just leave. Eventually, you placed your hand on his shoulder, giving him a weary smile.

“Get some rest, Levi.” you told him.

“Thank you for talking with me.”

“Of course.”

You began walking in the opposite direction, back to your room. As you pulled open the entrance to the next hallway, you shot a glance behind your shoulder. He was gone. You continued through the castle to your room. You closed your door delicately behind you, and just stood there for a moment. It was silent. Well, it always was, for the most part, aside from the slight ringing that existed in your ears, and the dull hum that you could sometimes pick up if someone spoke to you. But this felt different. A strange quietness overcame you, the world around you seemingly stagnant. It sent a strange prickling feeling that ran all the way up from your toes to the back of your neck and made you shudder.

You slowly walked over to your bed, and shimmied yourself into the covers. The tears you’d been holding in almost immediately came pouring down your cheeks. But these tears were different than the thousands you’d shed before. They weren’t tears of anger, or of guilt, all you felt was genuine sorrow. And it was the most painful thing you’d ever experienced. All of the emotion you’d repressed over the last year came spilling out all at once. You didn’t just cry for Isabel and Furlan, but for Marla as well. It was like she’d died all over again, but this time, you didn’t have any anger or resentment left to disguise it. You let out a torrent of choked sobs, and you shoved your messy face into your pillow, a vain attempt to contain it all. The heavy feeling in your chest felt like it would never go away, all you could do was cry.

Eventually, you stood up to grab some tissue to wipe the sticky snot and hot tears from your face. As you were about to get back in bed, tears already rolling down your cheeks, you gazed out into the dark night from your window. The sky was clear of clouds, the bright moon illuminating the night. Its soft light entered your room, giving everything a slight glow. Waning gibbous, you thought, as you stared out into the night. You reached over and opened the window, a cool breeze entered the room, and you leaned up against the window.

Rest well, you guys.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Levi walked down the empty corridors. He had been unsure whether to take her up on her offer, but he was glad that he had. It had given him something to think about, as opposed to just spending the rest of his evening in a lonely room, alone with his own thoughts. He’d learned more about her, too. When he reached the door that led to the exit, his hand hovered over the handle. Do I want to go back to my room yet? He slowly began walking back down the hall. He walked aimlessly around the castle, until he found himself in the same place he had the last time he’d done this, the stairway to the tower. He stared at the entrance, and took a slow step forward. Just as he was about to enter, he hesitated. Did he really want to go in there right now? Relive through the memories? But before he knew it, he was quickly walking up the narrow staircase, pushing the door open.

📷

The cool night air immediately hit his face. He slowly walked over to the wall, and perched himself on the edge. The sky was clear of clouds, unlike the last time he was here. The moon’s light shone brilliantly on him. He gazed up into the sky in wonder. The stars were more visible this time around, scattered about as if a large hand had carelessly tossed the sparkling lights into the dark sky.

Inevitably, the memory of them sitting by his side came to his mind. The way Isabel had nearly fallen off the wall after jumping from the excitement of seeing a constellation she recognized, the way it had nearly given Furlan a heart attack from the shock.

“You need to believe in us!”

Levi sighed, and pulled his head into the palms of his hands. A tear finally fell down his cheek.

I’m so sorry, you guys.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

#levi x y/n #levi x reader #levi aot #snk levi #levi attack on titan #levi #hurt #aot hange #hange zoë #hange zoe #hange #attack on titan #aot #ao3 fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #erwin smith #fluff #angst

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snidgetwidgeon · 4 years

Text

Escape

This work was prompted by a fic exchange between friends on Discord. It evolved into something completely different as I wrote it, becoming my first whump! Prepare for the sad.

Zelda endeavors to find purpose through her crippling grief, but sometimes all you can do is leave your world behind, when all it has done is take from you.

~~~

Link found Zelda in the greenhouse treating the hydroponic tank, hands dipped into the cool water, emitting a soft golden glow. He never ceased to be mesmerized by her birth right and the creative ways she continued finding to help people.

She had chosen a quieter path after they sealed the Calamity. Rather than reinstating the monarchy in a kingdom that had clearly survived and moved on without it, she decided to be a healer. It was noble, but he also understood it to be penance. She still blamed herself for everything even though she was better at hiding it after all these years.

“Almost finished?” he asked, playing with the leaves of a tea bush.

She looked up startled, then relaxed as she saw it was only Link in his stealth set. He’d taken quite a liking to many things Sheikah since they made their residence in Kakariko and this was his favorite.

“What have I told you about slinking up on me?” she reprimanded calmly, refocusing her attention on the water.

“Don’t get caught?”

“Very funny,” she replied. “One of these days, you’ll startle the wrong person.”

Link answered with a cheeky grin.

She rolled her eyes, “I’m coming soon, I just wanted to finish feeding the new crop before we left.”

“Alright, I’ll check the horses over, make sure we haven’t forgotten anything. The girls told me to tell you, ‘don’t you dare leave’ without seeing them first,” he mimicked Koko’s manner. “I think they have something for you at the house.”

She turned to say something but he had slipped out as quietly as he had slipped in. She blew out a slow breath, trying to retain her patience.

The glow faded as she lifted her hands out of the water. She dried them on her tunic and ensured the notes she left for Mellie were in the right place. With a final glance over, everything was as it should be. Satisfied, she went to find the girls to say goodbye.

Koko and Cottla slid the door open and threw themselves at her when she knocked. “Girls, girls! You aren’t little anymore, you’re gonna take me out one day if you keep bowling me over like a baby goron,” she chided them good naturedly.

“But we miss you already,” Cottla explained while squeezing Zelda’s waist.

“I’ll be back before you know it. Come on now, you know the drill.” Zelda pried them off. “Right, Link said you have something for me?”

Koko brightened and rushed to the table to retrieve an ornate box. “Dad made this box for you to organize your medicines in when you visit the other villages, and me and Cottie made you something too!”

Zelda took it and admired the craftsmanship. It was engraved with herbs well known as remedies for various ailments and even included a silent princess on the front between the two opening clasps. “This is so beautiful, and very practical. Please tell your father I appreciate it very much in case I don’t see him on my way out.” She then looked at the girls a little expectantly, who were fit to bursting, and asked, “And what did you two make?”

“Open it,” they both chimed, slightly out of sync.

“Oh! How silly of me, of course.” She carefully undid the clasps and raised the lid to reveal a variety of snacks. “My goodness, these look delicious.”

Cottla started pointing, “I made this one, and this one, and those ones-”

Koko interrupted, “And I made this one, and all of these ones,” she said as she lifted the top layer out of the box to reveal an extra compartment beneath.

“They look wonderful, thank you so much. I’ll make sure to stretch them out during my trip and think of you lots.”

With her free arm she hugged them both and kissed their foreheads before departing, mirroring their frantic waving.

~~~

Link and Zelda began in Akkala and made their way across central Hyrule and Tabantha. Zelda’s melancholy was always more noticeable on the road than in the village. They would go hours without speaking, and Link would hum to himself often, hoping that it offered her some comfort. About halfway through their journey, he noticed a change in her spirit.

Their next destination was Gerudo Town. It always warmed her heart to visit and was her favorite. It had been her home away from home when she was growing up and she was never able to visit as much as she wanted.

From Gerudo Stable, it took nearly a day on foot to reach Kara Kara where the pool was quite welcoming. They decided to have a refreshing dip to wash off the sweat and dust of the road. They followed this by sunning themselves on the rocks like lizards until mostly dry then went to secure a room and a meal. The following day they would rent some sand seals so as not to exhaust themselves on the remainder of the journey. Link double checked that he carried all pieces of the vai outfit so he would be able to enter. He did not fancy having to wait outside like that one year when he’d remembered everything but the all important face covering.

He could have returned to Kara Kara to try and source another, but there was no guarantee something would be available and by the time he returned, Zelda would be just about finished anyway. So he had slummed it with the men outside. It wasn’t all bad. They had a nice campfire and a sense of camaraderie during the night, but... never again.

After arriving, Link went to organize their rooms at the Oasis while Zelda sought an audience with Chief Riju. By now she was a young woman of nearly twenty, still on the small side for a Gerudo, but her thick red braid had grown with her and was just as impressive as ever.

“Zelda,” she greeted her guest enthusiastically, “I’ve been looking forward to your visit. Please tell me you’ll be staying longer this time, poor Patricia doesn’t know what to do with herself when you blow in and out.”

“I see you remembered my request from last time. Thank you,” she nodded sincerely.

“Of course, I’d call you anything you like. Absent, late,” she started waving her hands to various examples in jest, “never here long enough-”

“Alright, I get it. I’m sorry. It’s just,” Zelda focused on her feet, “Impa is so frail now, I was wary of leaving at all this year.”

Riju rose from her throne in concern and approached Zelda, taking her hands in her own. “My sincerest apologies, I would not have teased if I knew. How is she?”

Zelda looked up surprised before staring down at Riju’s hands. They were smooth and bronzed, adorned with golden bracelets and teal painted nails that reminded her of Urbosa. “She... she was certainly still well enough to send me packing, telling me not to languish around on her account. The other people of Hyrule need me too, and this is how I have chosen to help, so... here I am,” she smiled but it did not reach her eyes.

Riju enveloped her in a hug and she found herself staring wide-eyed at Buliara whom she could have sworn wore a light smirk. Green mirrored green as Riju then held her at arms length, gazing into her eyes before looking her over. “What has Link been feeding you? Chickaloo nuts?” Before Zelda could answer, Riju took her by the hand and dragged her out of the audience chamber. “We’re going to go have a nice meal at the Canteen.”

Buliara was quick to follow. “Chief Riju, you still have-”

“Whatever it is can wait, I’m spending time with our special guest,” Riju answered over her shoulder. Zelda felt a slight exhilaration being pulled down the steps into the town square where the evening markets were beginning to ramp up. “What about Link?”

Riju grinned, “He’s resourceful, he’ll find us,” she winked.

Zelda felt a flutter.

~~~

A fortnight or so later, they had made their way through the Faron region and hired a boat to take them around the cape into Hateno Bay. Zelda counted the last of the fifty-odd packs labeled Blessed Tea and handed them over to the Mayor when she saw Symin running down the hill from the lab. It only seemed slightly curious until she also spotted a Rito flying away. Suddenly she had a bad feeling.

She quickly finished her transaction, “These should help over winter, Mayor, excuse me,” then yelled for Link and raced to meet Symin, leaving the Mayor with a confused expression.

Link was swiftly by her side and they met Symin halfway up the path, everyone out of breath.

“Zelda,” Symin started, “we just received word- Impa.”

Zelda was stricken, and grabbed his arm, “Is she gone?!”

“No,” he gasped for breath, “fading.”

“Link, pack our things. I’ll get Purah ready.”

The three of them materialized just above Kakariko and Zelda immediately started running down the winding path through the houses. She didn’t stop until she was huffing right outside the door of the Elder’s house. She tried to compose herself. She wanted to brave.

She hadn’t felt such fear since the day she stared down the maw of the calamity.

Link caught up shortly after, having kindly kept pace with an adolescent Purah. Part of her hoped that her sister might chose to stay with them, but in her heart she knew. This whole exercise was going to be futile.

Zelda took a deep breath and pushed the door open, eyes adjusting to the dim light of the lanterns. Paya was sitting next to Impa’s platform, her red tower of pillows now replaced with a futon. Zelda could see Impa’s small form as she approached, appearing as though she could disappear altogether under the covers into nothingness.

Paya stood and took Zelda’s hands, “She’s been holding out for you, I know it,” she whispered.

Zelda choked on a sob. “Is she- can she still hear me?”

“Yes, she’s just sleeping. You look like you could use some rest too. I’ll come get you if she wakes.”

“No, there’s no way I’m leaving her.” Zelda sat next to the futon and put her hands on the cover. She could just make out the faint tattoo in the wrinkled folds of Impa’s forehead and stretched her fingers out to touch it. They started to glow and Zelda connected with Impa’s fading essence, offering comfort and wishing she could do more. She could feel it, she had no power over the natural death of age.

She locked eyes with Purah who was now standing close, and raised her brow in a silent, pleading question.

“Of course I’ll stay.” Purah joined her on the floor, one hand resting on Zelda’s knee for support and the other gripped tightly around her slate to stabilize her own feelings.

They sat for some time, mostly in silence, occasionally telling stories about their favorite times with Impa. Link made himself useful and cared for them the best way he knew how, bringing food and soothing tea, Zelda’s own mixture. It was hardly touched but accepted with love.

Finally, after the sun had just set, Impa stirred. She was having trouble blinking her eyes open so Paya dabbed them with a wet cloth. When she saw them, her mouth opened in a lopsided, toothless grin, “My girls. There you are,” she said with a croaky voice.

“I’m here, Impa,” Zelda darted her hand under the covers to take one of Impa’s into her own, the return clasp was so loose.

“You should be out, dear. Helping-”

“All finished. I’m home to stay now.” Zelda shuffled over a bit. “Do you see who I brought with me? It’s Purah.”

Impa’s mouth became a surprised ‘O’ and she cooed. “Oh my, young as the days I chastised you, I see.”

Purah smiled, “Hey, sis. You always knew how to look out for me, even if I didn’t listen.” She looked between Paya and her slate hesitantly, an unspoken permission requested.

Paya nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat.

“Impa, I can look after you now. Wouldn’t you like to stay longer? We need you.” Her young voice felt foreign to her in Impa’s presence and she experienced a sudden nostalgia for when they used to work at the Castle, an entire era ago.

A soft chuckle escaped the feeble woman and she squeezed Zelda’s hand a little.

“You are all quite well equipped. I’ll not be having you point that thing at me.”

Zelda leaned in, “Impa, please don’t say that. Purah knows how it works now. You could just have half again, even a quarter. I can’t lose you.” Zelda’s breath became shallow and she started to feel frantic. If Impa was gone, it was one more piece of her life ripped away without her control.

“I’m tired, dear. You have to let me go.” Impa smiled and her tattoo started to glow faintly.

Zelda looked to Purah, who appeared confused, and then to Paya, who was suppressing a panic. She knew what it was and white-knuckled her hands against her chest as tears started streaming down her cheeks.

“Paya? What’s happening?” Zelda asked fearfully.

“Gram- Gramma, no. I’m not ready,” her voice broke and she held Impa’s head gently, leaning over to touch their foreheads together.

The blue became stronger between them and Impa whispered, “You are, my child. You are...”

Zelda felt Impa’s hand go slack. “No, Impa. Impa! We can save you, please!”

The clatter of the slate felt like it could be heard across the village when Purah dropped it and lunged for her sister. Impa’s body became a blue energy that broke across the room as Purah cried, “Impa!”

Link stared in awe at a scene he was all too familiar with. A Sheikah, having fulfilled their duty to Hylia, finally being able to return to an essence.

Zelda started shrieking and he rushed to her, holding her tight and letting her sob into his chest. When the light faded, Zelda’s golden radiance remained, but it offered no warmth.

Outside, Dorian heard the screams and held his position stoically as he stared across the village she loved; the village she had welcomed him into, despite his past and his betrayal. A few tears escaped his rugged features. She was one of the greatest souls he ever knew.

The day after next, residents gathered at the graveyard and a fresh stone was added. It looked out of place next to the other well worn and moss covered ones. Impa’s had the Eye of the Sheikah carved in its face. Zelda stared at it for an age and at the same time, felt like she was staring at nothing at all.

After another two days of cultural observations and preparations, Paya was ready to be presented as the new spiritual leader of Kakariko. Zelda blessed her before the statue of Hylia and then kept to herself during the following festivities. She retired early and bade Link to follow.

Once back in the house, she said to him, “I need to leave.”

He nodded in understanding. “Ok. We’ll leave.”

“Tomorrow.”

“What should we tell everyone?”

“That I’m going on a pilgrimage.”

~~~

A few days later they made it to Gerudo Town. Riju couldn’t hide her pleasure from the surprise visit, but the mood quickly turned somber when she found out why. The Chieftain offered Zelda a place in her chambers and silenced Buliara’s protest. She would not have a dear friend grieving away in a hotel, protocol be damned.

As much as she tended to defy her right hand’s strict adherence to the rules, she did appreciate that Buliara was always there to remind her of what was done, and what was not done. That way, she knew when she was making an informed decision to do whatever she pleased.

Zelda accepted her offer and hid in Riju’s chambers for days, cuddling the sand seals and moping. When Riju finished her duties, which were more often pushed aside than not so she could try to offer comfort, Zelda remained flighty about discussing her pain.

Link came by occasionally to check on her but Zelda would have him turned away. It was a hard thing to do because she knew she was hurting him, but she needed to get him used to being without her. Since the moment Impa died, she knew what she wanted. And that was to leave. She needed to leave the past that was weighing in her heart like a black hole, devouring all of her present and future into its guilt ridden depths. Hyrule held nothing for her but regret.

Just as she had been doing every evening, Riju asked Zelda if she wanted to come down and join her for dinner. Until now, she’d been politely refused, but tonight, she was pleased to hear something different.

“Could we take dinner here, in your chambers?” Zelda asked from her lounging position on the sofa. She had a Gerudo text in front of her, mildly interested in learning the modern colloquialisms that had developed since she spoke the language with her mother and Urbosa.

“Well... of course, I see no reason why not.” Riju held one arm in the other and tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Is there something you wish to discuss?”

Zelda gave an expression somewhere between conviction and a half smile as she appeared to work up the courage. “Yes.”

“Say no more.”

They conversed well into the night and found a familiarity that was comforting when Riju said, “You know you’re welcome to call me Makeela.” She became nervous when that caused Zelda to fall silent.

Finally she spoke, and Riju’s stomach felt weightless at hearing her name on Zelda’s lips.

“Makeela, I have been wanting to ask if you’d be willing to help me with a serious undertaking.” She placed her fork on her plate and dabbed at her mouth with the napkin, having only finished a third of her meal.

“I would help you in all endeavors. My resources are yours to command.” Riju took a sip of her wine and played with her braid.

“I wish... no.” Zelda looked at her feet because she did not want to see the hurt she knew this would cause her dear friend. “I need to leave Hyrule.”

Riju’s butterflies plummeted and she tried to keep her composure. “For- for how long?”

“I don’t know. Maybe a few years. Maybe forever.” She worried at the fabric of her sirwal but kept her resolve.

“I- well- a trip like that takes weeks to prepare. It is not the usual season that we cross the desert.” Riju stood, placing her unfinished glass on the table and left for the doorway. “I’ll have to see if we can spare the resources.” She frowned, unable to hold in her disappointment any longer. “I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

After Riju left, Zelda exhaled a low sigh and slumped in her chair. She downed the rest of her and Riju’s wine and crashed, unaware of the Chief’s return later that night.

Riju was also already up and gone the next morning. In her place was Link, glaring at her from the sofa. Zelda imagined he was trying to be intimidating but with a large stuffed seal sitting next to him she could only laugh.

His face faltered to one of pleasant surprise as he hadn’t heard her laugh in so long, but he regained his resolve and began his interrogation. “When were you planning on telling me your designs for crossing the borders?”

She wasn’t immediately forthcoming.

“Zelda, I swore an oath and by Hylia I will keep it, but... I have things- and people that I would need to see before going on a pilgrimage like this. I’d appreciate being part of such a big decision.”

Zelda’s humor had faded and she braced herself under his perfectly justified onslaught. “Well, you’re not.”

“I beg your pardon?” he stood up and crossed the room, taking on an imposing figure; quite a feat considering what he was wearing. He loomed over the edge of her trundle bed against the sandstone wall of Riju’s luxurious chambers.

She looked up at him challengingly, “You aren’t coming.”

“What does that even mean?” he spluttered.

She rose to meet his face and squared her jaw. “It means you are staying here so you can deal with the people and things you need to.”

He was about to protest having his words thrown back at him but she continued, throwing a finger in his face, “No, you should start living your own life. All I have ever done is take from you.”

His features softened to concern, “Zelda, that’s not true.”

She walked past him to the alcove of the terrace and looked out at the morning bustle. “It is, you just don’t remember. You fulfilled your destiny Link. You should be free of me.”

“I would never abandon you.”

She heaved a great sigh and closed her eyes. “Just... just promise me you’ll at least think about it?”

He hovered for a moment before acquiescing. “Fine.” He then swept down the stairs in a mood.

She imagined he would go and brood. Probably going to climb one of his mountains. “I’m sorry, Link.”

~~~

Riju had become somewhat distant since their evening meal but she assured Zelda that preparations for the caravan were underway and expected to be completed the following week. Initially, the lead Gerudo desert scout was not keen on leaving during an off season, but once she found out that Hylia’s Blessed would be with them, she agreed. As per tradition, there was a festival of worship held before a large trade journey to entreat the Goddess of the Sands and the Seven Heroine ancestors to bless their travels across the barrens.

As the sun set, the decorative lanterns strewn about the main square started glowing different colors and swaths of shimmering, patterned fabrics hung from the stalls and palm trees. Drums began to play as the party who had set out the previous day to provide offerings to the Seven Heroine monoliths returned to take part in the festivities. Once they had completed a prayer they were given the first servings of food and drink. Travelers who were fortunate to be within the town at the time were enthralled when the announcement was made in Gerudo, “You may begin!”

Zelda leaned against a palm tree, absentmindedly tracing the pattern on some of the draped fabrics when she noticed that dancing had begun. She was suddenly reminded of when she was little, watching beautiful women in vibrant colors, hips undulating and slitted skirts swirling hypnotically. Her mother had danced this way with Urbosa and she’d drawn Zelda in, twirling her between them. She was filled with an intense warmth and an incredible sadness all at once and almost left to return to her quarters when she saw Riju.

She was in the middle of the dancers, hair wild and free, draped in a teal sirwal to match her lips. She found Zelda staring and smiled dazzlingly. Riju kept her gaze steady on Zelda for the rest of the dance, only when she turned away would it be broken and then their eyes would lock once more.

Once it was finished, a new drum beat started and the denizens joined in, knowing it was now open to everyone. An overly confident Goron even jumped in, wiggling joyously and taking extra care to not knock anyone over.

Riju bounced over, breathless and elated.

Zelda smiled, “Makeela, that was amazing, I didn’t know you could dance.”

“An offering to the Goddess of the Sands. Anyone can join in now. Come join with me,” she held out her hand, bracelets jingling melodically.

Zelda hesitated for a moment, remembering the joy she felt dancing so, so long ago. She then placed her hand in Riju’s and allowed herself to be transported. If only for tonight.

The beat was energetic and the movements were such that they were mostly apart, Zelda trying humorously to get her hips swinging the same way; but when they came together, the warmth of Riju’s hand would cause a shiver of excitement to run all the way to her toes and she was thankful that her blush was hidden by the exertion.

Teal and white swirled through the crowds, long red and golden tresses whipped as they spun. They were constantly laughing, apologizing to those they bumped into because they only saw each other. For a few moments, Zelda felt happy.

The next couple of days passed by in a bit of a haze. Zelda had finally emerged from Riju’s chambers and explored Gerudo Town one last time before her trip. Her heart was heavy, now burdened with the prospect of yet even another loss, but her resolve remained.

She partook in various activities to try and distract herself from the waiting, and even indulged at the Oasis. She melted away during the treatment but the moment she was back outside shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand, she saw a familiar Hylian vai waiting for her. The weight in her stomach returned and she stole herself for what was to come.

She approached him, indicating that she was ready to have it out.

“I have done as you asked,” he said flatly.

“And?”

“I’ve decided to come with you.”

She closed her eyes and inhaled through her nose before looking at him. “Let’s talk about this somewhere else.”

As they moved away, a stall holder scrunched her nose in disappointment.

When they reached a secluded space between some sandstone walls and storage crates she surprised him by outright apologizing. “Link, I’m sorry. The way I spoke to you before... made it sound like you had a choice.”

Confusion and anger crossed his features and she continued before he could speak, “I’m going and you will build your own life here like you always should have been allowed to do. I’m ordering you to.”

“But- my oath. I must keep you safe-”

“You can’t even remember taking your oath,” she spat impatiently. It was cruel. But he needed to be convinced. “If you wish to be beholden to oaths, then I, Princess Zelda of Hyrule, hereby release you of your duty and order you to live your own life.”

“You are my only life,” he said softly. “Zel, you’re all I’ve known since I woke up.”

She was caught off guard and speechless for a few moments, then reached out to his shoulders and pulled his forehead against hers, closing her eyes. “I’m so sorry. Hylia always takes everything from her Hero.”

He wrapped his arms around her and they shared an embrace of kinship only known to the souls of the past who also bore the pieces of courage and wisdom. When she pulled away, her brows furrowed in pain. “If you won’t be parted from me for your own sake then I need you to do it for mine.”

“What do you mean?”

She sat on one of the crates, the rejuvenating energy she regained at the Oasis already drained, swallowed up by her distress. “I don’t think I can heal here. Everything reminds me of my failure and the losses I have sustained. With Impa gone, I just... I can’t anymore. I need to be free of this place and everyone in it. Including you.”

He knelt before her and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “At least take them with you, just in case,” he entreated.

She opened it tentatively and faltered, shaking her head. It was the photo of the two of them with the Champions. He’d kept it with him all this time.

“No,” she refused kindly, placing one hand on her heart and holding it back out for him. “I have them here. You need this more than me.”

On top of everything else she regretted, Link had never regained his memories. She had occasionally tried telling him stories of their lives, but it always became too painful and eventually he stopped asking.

He nodded and returned it to its place in a pocket against his breast. He then drew the Master Sword from his back and held it horizontally before him. They regarded each other sadly and she tilted her head forwards to acknowledge his ceremony.

“I, Link, Knight of Hyrule, renounce my sworn duty to the Crown Princess... at the behest of my dear friend, Zelda.”

She smiled through a chin wobble and nodded her thanks, unable to form words.

He stood and sheathed the blade, a fleeting thought crossing his mind that the next leg of this pilgrimage would be returning it to its resting place in the Korok Forest. He drew her up into hug and stroked her hair. “I’ll miss you.”

A tear dropped onto his shoulder and she let go to hold his face, realizing it may be the last time she looks upon it. She kissed him. “Thank you. For taking care of me.”

He nodded once and then slipped away as her hands fell back to her sides, scrunching her sirwal.

~~~

Zelda returned to Riju’s room and stood numbly for a few moments. She didn’t know what to do with herself and listlessly looked around. She nearly decided on diving into the stuffed seals but then spied the inviting pool close to the foot of her bed. She would wash. Just wash the whole day away.

She perused the shelf of bathing accoutrements as she tied up her hair and picked a few promising items. She dropped two large rubies in to heat the water and an aromafizz that smelled of lemongrass. When the bath was bubbling away, she shed her clothes, folded them neatly on her bed and stepped in, sighing with pleasure. She settled her head on a folded towel at the edge and tried to think of nothing while playing with the ruby under the water. The bubbles had come up a lovely pale yellow and she balanced some on her knees, making little wobbly peaks.

Not long after, Riju came in and exclaimed, “Oh, what a perfect idea. Mind if I join you?” She was already taking off her headdress before waiting for an answer and when Zelda managed to squeak a yes, she started leaving a trail of shoes, top and skirt all the way to the water.

Zelda knew that public bathing was common place for Gerudo but she still politely averted her eyes until Riju was under the bubbles and situating her large braid behind her neck to act as her pillow. Once she was finally settled she let out a big sigh. “Yes, this is just what I needed.”

They relaxed in a companionable silence for quite some time, before Zelda oddly felt compelled to talk about what had happened. She opened her eyes and looked over at Riju. “I sent Link away today.”

“What?” Riju jerked her head up so quickly that her braid fell into the water.

“Sorry,” Zelda exclaimed but Riju waved away her concern.

“Why did you send him away?”

“He should be living his own life, not tethered to me anymore.”

“But who will look out for you when you cross the desert? I mean, on occasion a Gerudo will stay, but usually just for one rotation-” she suddenly looked hopeful. “Does this mean you are not going?”

Zelda stared into Riju’s eager eyes and her resolve faltered. “I- I’m not sure.” The sudden and seemingly permanent departure of someone who had been by her side for seven years made her long for closeness. And Riju clearly cared for her. Did she also, in return?

She started to play with Riju’s braid under the water, removing the tie and unwinding the tresses. Riju closed her eyes in pleasure, feeling the gentle tugs like a scalp massage. She leaned forward and with a wet, soapy hand, tamed one of Zelda’s fly aways before letting her nails glide down her cheek onto her neck. Zelda shivered under her ghostly touch and her lips parted as she gazed at Riju through half-lidded eyes.

“Makeela,” she said softly.

Riju drew the small woman into her chest and kissed her tenderly, as much a comforting gesture as it was an exploration. Zelda yielded to her and caressed her shoulders and neck, deepening their connection. Her hands started to glow golden and Riju gave a start at the sensation, pulling back in surprise. “What is that?”

“I- I honestly don’t know. My power- but it has never done this before.”

Riju raised a curious eyebrow. “Have you ever done this before?”

Zelda spluttered and Riju laughed playfully. “Come here, I’ll give you something to glow about.” She winked.

They were in each other’s arms every available moment Riju had over the next two days. Things felt easy between them. So easy, that assumptions were made. And conversations that perhaps should have been started, never were.

Until the morning of the trade caravan.

Zelda untangled herself from Riju’s limbs and slipped out of bed to start packing. She had already planned what minimal items to take. Just the essentials that she would need for the road and plenty of money to be able to get herself started on the other side. She kept sparing guilty glances over at her lover’s sleeping form. She should never have allowed herself to indulge. Her moment of weakness was going to break this woman’s heart.

She sighed and went to collect some breakfast. When she returned and set her things down on the table she saw Riju was sitting up in bed, staring at her bag. Her brows were furrowed and without looking at Zelda, stated, “You’re packing.”

Zelda stood still awkwardly before answering, “Yes.”

“But we- Zelda, we’re together now. I thought...” She trailed off, the growing pain evident in her voice.

“Come and have breakfast.”

Riju threw the covers off and approached angrily. “Nothing’s going in that won’t come straight back out. Explain!”

“Makeela, I told you that I need to leave-”

“That was before any of- of-,” she gestured between them, “this!”

Zelda reached for Riju’s hand, not knowing how to reconcile her new feelings with her truth. She knew she still needed to leave. “Why not come with me?” she suggested foolishly, knowing that it was impossible, but holding a faint hope that somehow, Riju would say yes.

Riju let her anger flare, unable to understand the selfishness. “Unlike you, I can’t just leave my people,” she spat, pulling her hand away.

Zelda appeared as if she’d been slapped and Riju immediately regretted lashing out.

“Keela,” Zelda said softly, lip trembling, “all my people are dead. I can’t... I can’t escape my past.” Her eyes began to sting with tears. “All those years, in that thing,” she heaved, suddenly looking frightened. “I don’t know who I am anymore.” The dam burst and she shuddered.

Riju enveloped her into a tight embrace from which Zelda derived no comfort, lost again in the darkness of a hundred years. Her tears fell golden and a light grew over them both, Hylia trying to heal her broken heart.

“Everyone is gone. My family, my friends. Purah is different, and Robbie is also not long for this world. And Impa, she wouldn’t stay. I begged her! I’ve lost Impa,” she wailed.

Riju was horrified that something she said caused such a visceral reaction. She lifted Zelda’s face to her own and wiped her tears, staring frantically into her eyes, “I’m sorry, Zelda, I’m so sorry. You have me.” She kissed her and a tear rolled down her cheek, emotions now taking them both. She pulled away to search Zelda’s deadened gaze. “I love you.”

Riju leaned in again, softer this time, and she felt a slight pressure of return just before Zelda put her hands over hers and lowered them from her face, ending the kiss.

“I... I wish I could say it back.”

Riju’s heart plummeted and it showed, though she tried to hide it.

Zelda squeezed her hands. “It’s not that I wouldn’t. I just... I can’t love anyone else until I learn to forgive myself. I have felt nothing but pain and regret since my escape, no matter what I try. Please-”

“It’s ok, I understand. Just promise me you’ll be safe.”

“Hylia is with me. And now you will be, too.”

~~~

For @aviatordame

#breath of the wild #fanfiction #whump #angst #character death #smol fluff #zelda #riju #link #paya #impa #purah #escape #snidgetwidgeon scribbles

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authorialarcanist · 3 years

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Gracidea Blossom Chapter 1: It All Starts Naoe

(Pokémon Diamond, Pearl, & Platinum x Little Busters!)

Mirror Links: AO3, Pokécommunity, Spacebattles

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Previous - Next

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Gentle strains of music float across Hearthome. Kricketune are singing on Route 212, and the music drifts in to harmonize with the chirping of Starly. This is what every morning sounds like in ‘the city where hearts touch each other.’

Sunlight filters through the window of an apartment at the southern end of town. Within is a bed, with a boy curled up in it. At his bedside is a small potted plant, a miniature tree with three yellow spots in front. It tapers off to three small branches on top, each sporting a green sphere on its end.

When the sunbeam crosses Riki’s eyes, his face wrinkles up and he blinks himself awake with a yawn.

A few minutes later, Riki steps through an open doorway into the apartment’s combination living room/kitchenette. He pulls a frozen breakfast out of the freezer, and it’s just as he’s finished setting the microwave to thaw it that the potted plant walks into the kitchenette on stubby brown legs.

“Morning, Sly,” Riki calls back to his Bonsly as he sets out a bowl of food for it. He turns back to the microwave to wait.

He’s halfway through his breakfast when he hears a noise pounding on the apartment’s door. Leaving his food at the counter, he opens the door to greet his best friend.

Masato Inohara is a tall, buff young man with blue eyes and spiky black hair. He’s wearing a red T-shirt and jeans, and a red bandanna is wrapped around his forehead.

“You’re finally up, Riki! Kengo and Rin have already gone to the park!”

“Already?” Riki glances at the clock hanging on the wall. It’s not moving. His face falls. “I forgot to set my clocks after yesterday’s power outage, didn’t I…”

“Ah, well!” Masato grins. “No use crying over a tipped Miltank!”

Riki pauses midway through throwing on a blue jacket. “…What?”

“It’s an idiom!”

“Masato, that’s crying over *spilled milk!*”

“What? When I asked, Kengo said I could use it that way! That bastard, he’s probably thinking ‘ha, that idiot Masato was stupid enough to think people cry about tipped Miltanks, and besides, he already makes a fool out of himself in front of everyone every day,’ isn’t he!”

“No, no, no, he probably just thought you meant spilled milk and told you what that meant instead…” Riki sighs as his friend works himself up into a misunderstanding. Well, that said, every day is certainly energetic…

Forgetting his half-eaten breakfast, Riki grabs a small cooler and calls for his Pokémon to follow him. The two humans and one Bonsly make their way out through the hall to the elevator. Buildings in Hearthome are built with ramps and elevators in place of stairs wherever possible, to make sure they’re accessible to wheelchairs, strollers, and small children and Pokémon alike. By the time they reach the ground floor and step outside, the sun is already high in the sky. The breeze is pleasantly warm as they make their way through Hearthome and to Amity Square’s eastern gate.

Masato pulls out a Pokéball. “Go! Biceps!” With a flash of light, a Machamp is filling the available space of the passage. It’s a large, humanoid Pokémon with grey skin, yellow frills on its head and a yellow beak, a championship belt around its hips, and four muscular arms. “You ready to take a walk?”

*Fweeeet!* A whistle blows, and the gate attendant steps in front of them. “You know the rules! Machamp isn’t a permitted Pokémon in the square!”

“That’s unfair! Amity Square is for cute Pokémon, and my Biceps is plenty cute!” At that the Machamp strikes a pose, one arm up on either side and the other down, muscles bulging. “Look, Riki! Don’t you agree? Aren’t those the cutest muscles in the entire world?”

*No, by all accounts, you’re the one who’s being unreasonable…* Riki chuckles sheepishly, sweating under the attendant’s disapproval. “Masato, you know that’s just the phrasing they use… Biceps is a big Pokémon, you know? Even though he’d never hurt anybody, the park still has to make sure that only small and weak Pokémon are around, in case little kids provoke them…”

Man and Machamp sigh in unison, and Masato withdraws his Pokémon with a flash of red. “Ugh… Why do you have to be so reasonable, Riki? Fine! We’ll just have to get in our exercise later, I guess!”

Riki bows a hasty apology to the attendant as they pass into the park. Amity Square’s eastern entrance leads up to an elevated rocky area looking down on the western half of the park. Several small structures modeled after ancient ruins are available for children to play in. Up a few ramps at the far side of the area, a young man in a blue hakama is making training swings with a bamboo sword. He has white hair and a serious expression. Several children are watching him, fascinated.

“*KENGOOOOOOOO!*” With a roar, Masato runs at him, Riki following behind in a panic to stop his friends from fighting. “You told me I could use ‘no use crying over a tipped Miltank’ to mean that what’s done is done! I just made a fool out of myself in front of Riki because of you!”

“Hmph.” Kengo plants his training sword in the ground and turns to face Masato. “I thought you meant ‘no use crying over spilled milk,’ so I just told you what *that* means.” Riki sighs in relief. “But I suppose you really are stupid enough to think people cry over tipped Miltanks. And besides, you already make a fool of yourself in front of Riki every day, don’t you?”

“*THAT’S IT!* I thought you’d say that, Kengoooo! Why don’t you say it to my muscles?”

“If it’s a battle you want, it’s a battle you’ll get!” Kengo pulls a Pokéball out of his hakama, but before he can throw it a shrill whistle pierces the air.

“*Kengo Miyazawa, Masato Inohara, you two KNOW no Pokémon battles are allowed in the park!*” The gate attendant glares at them from her post, a megaphone in her hand.

“…Yes, ma’am. Sorry, ma’am.” Abashed, Kengo turns away from the gate to resume his exercises.

“Tch. I guess you get to put it off this time. But next time we battle, I’m gonna take you down for sure!” Masato grunts in acquiescence, then drops to the ground and starts doing situps.

“You said that the last time you challenged me, too.”

Satisfied that his friends have been defused, Riki looks around the park. “Hey, Kengo? Have you seen Rin?”

“Hm? She’s down on the east side, like always.”

“Ehehe, of course…” With a sheepish chuckle, Riki waves goodbye to the pair of muscle idiots, and ducks into the nearest ‘ruin.’ In the back, there’s a ramp leading down into a series of small tunnels which connect all of the structures. Riki turns left, and makes his way to a ramp leading back up to a hut on the western side of the park. As he emerges, he hears a girl’s voice seemingly holding up one end of a conversation.

“Oh! Are you trying to learn Copycat? You can do it, Tezuka! Audrey is showing you how!”

Meowww.

“Wait… but… You’re already a cat, aren’t you? Shouldn’t you know Copycat already? You probably copy other cats all the time…”

Meow?

“Do you actually know it? Have you been holding out on me?” The voice takes on a shocked tone.

Meow…

Quietly, Riki peers out of the stone hut. A short ways away, playing with a multitude of cat Pokémon, is Rin Natsume. She’s a girl with red eyes and a brown ponytail. She’s wearing a pair of jeans ripped off at her calves, and a white shirt with pink striped sleeves. A small bell is attached to the thin white ribbon holding her hair back, and it jingles softly every time she moves her head. Perched on her shoulder is a Chingling, a round yellow Pokémon with a growth like a striped rope on top of its head. Rin makes a suspicious face at a Meowth crouched on all fours in front of her.

“You would tell me if you knew Copycat, right?”

Miaoww…

Evidently satisfied, Rin peers into the gold coin on the Meowth’s forehead. “Are you proud of your coin? Do you polish it every day?”

Meow.

“Woah! That’s amazingly dedicated! Super… no, duper-duper dedicated!” Rin scratches the Meowth behind its ears, making it purr. A Skitty nudges its head into Rin’s arm, and suddenly cat Pokémon are climbing all over her. “W-woah! Hold on! I can’t pet all of you at once!”

*I’ve probably waited long enough…* Smiling to himself, Riki steps out of his shelter.

“Are the cats happy?”

“Wah! Riki! I’m— I’m not playing! I was… scolding these cats! Yes, Tezuka, you’ve been very bad! (whew, that was a close save!)” Although Riki can hear her muttering to herself, he decides not to press.

“Right… Well, I brought sandwiches, so I just wanted to let you know where to find them once you get hungry. I’m going to go sit by the pond for a while, okay?”

“Mm.” Rin nods and turns back to the cats. At this point, Rin is such a fixture in Amity Square that Riki wouldn’t be surprised should it turn out she’s disrupting natural migration patterns. He’s pretty sure that Espurr were an invasive species in Sinnoh before they started flocking to Hearthome…

Leaving Rin and the cats behind, Riki and Sly cross a wooden bridge to the small island in the middle of the pond. He gives Sly a boost, straining to lift the Rock-type, and then sits down next to it on a raised stone outcropping. He looks across the water at Rin, then raises his gaze to watch Masato and Kengo trying to outdo each other in their respective martial exercises. He smiles. As long as he has this, he’ll be okay.

—-

Years ago…

…Riki’s life had been clouded in shadow. After the accident that killed his parents, he had retreated into himself, giving up on the outside world. If living meant feeling this loss, then he would rather close himself off and not feel anything. If remembering his parents meant sinking into this pit, he would rather know nothing at all. He’d spent every day trying to hide from the pain, without the will to move forward. His guardian had moved to Hearthome with him, hoping the city would help him open back up, but even then he still spent every day in a haze.

And then, one day…

…A boy had appeared in front of him, and reached out a hand to pull him up.

“My name is Kyousuke Natsume. What’s yours?”

“…Riki Naoe…”

“Come with me, Riki! We need you to add your strength to ours!”

“Huh…?” Riki had raised his head, confused.

Kyousuke had pulled him to where three other kids were waiting; Rin, Masato, and Kengo. He’d explained that they were trying to capture an invasive hive of Beedrill before it could damage the local ecosystem.

“My teacher said if Beedrill get a foothold in Sinnoh, they’ll drive away Combee hives!”

“But— what are *you* going to do about it?”

“Don’t underestimate us!” Kyousuke had thumped his chest with a grin. “The four of us are allies of justice who fight evil - we’re called the Little Busters! Together, we can take on any opponent!”

The children gathered and threw Pokéballs at the hive until a swarm of Beedrill finally came out, yellow bee Pokémon nearly as tall as they were, with black stripes on their thoraxes and massive stingers on their arms. It was then that Masato had made a desperate play, smearing himself with honey to lure them away from the hive. “The rest is up to you!”

Realizing the danger, Kyousuke’s Pichu had jumped off of his shoulder at the swarm and shot sparks all around it, electrocuting the pursuing Beedrill… and Masato with them. “Gaaaaah! That’s not the help I wanted!” Watching as a scorched Masato berated Kyousuke, Riki had finally broken down and laughed - and found the other Little Busters laughing with him.

In the end, they had weakened the Beedrill enough for adults to notice and come remove the hive. What’s more, one of the Beedrill had attached itself to Masato after eating the honey off of his shirt, and he’d been allowed to keep it - with a strict promise to never train it without supervision.

Since that morning, every day had been filled with life. The Little Busters came up with all sorts of tiny adventures, from cleaning a pool in return for a day of sole access, to climbing the spire of Hearthome’s cathedral. Laughing and playing together with his friends, the pain in Riki’s heart had become more bearable, until slowly, almost without his realizing it, it had vanished behind the boisterous fun of being with them.

Now…

…Riki Naoe’s only wish is for these days to go on forever.

——

“Yo, Riki.” A familiar voice breaks Riki out of his reverie. It’s already dark out. He looks around before finally catching sight of Kyousuke standing on the island, his hand raised in a lazy wave. Riki’s face splits into a wide grin.

“Kyousuke! Your trip is over? Oh, wait, I need to go get the others!” He turns and runs deeper into the park. “Hey! Masato! Kengo! Rin! Come on, Kyousuke’s back!”

“Kyousuke’s back?” Masato looks over with a grin, and hops down the short cliff dividing the east end of the park from the west. Rin stands up, sending a rain of cat Pokémon tumbling off of her, and Kengo emerges from a stone ‘ruin’ a few moments later, having chosen a more dignified method of transport.

Masato pumps his fist. “Good to have you back, Kyousuke!”

Riki nods. “Yeah, we’ve missed you! How was your trip?”

Kyousuke chuckles and gives a thumbs-up. “Mission Complete!”

“So what’s next, then? What should we all do this week?”

“Ah…” A bead of sweat runs down Kyousuke’s face. “About that… I can’t actually stay for long. I have to go on another trip in a couple of days.”

Riki’s face falls. “Again? But Kyousuke, you were gone for a month already!”

Kengo puts a hand on Riki’s shoulder. “Riki… being Sinnoh’s Champion is a big responsibility. You know that Kyousuke can’t blow it off just to spend time with us.”

“But…!” Riki looks between Kengo and Masato, who doesn’t meet his eyes. “Why aren’t either of you backing me up? He’s your friend too…”

“Riki, you didn’t let me finish.”

“Huh?”

Kyousuke fixes Riki with a serious gaze. “I have to go on another trip... but this time, I wasn't planning to go alone."

"Oh..." Riki shrinks in on himself. "So... You need Masato and Kengo to go with you too, this time...?"

"Not just them," Kyousuke cuts in before Riki can continue. "I want everyone to come with me - you and Rin, too."

“Eeeh? You... really want us to come along?” Riki glances at Rin, who looks as uncertain as he feels. “But you've never taken me or Rin with you on Champion business before! I mean… If it lets us all stay together then of course I’ll go, but… won’t we just slow you down?”

Kyousuke shakes his head. “Not necessarily. I believe that you and Rin can become capable Trainers.”

“Trainers? Wait, no, we could never be as good as you, Kyousuke!”

“Riki. Even with me, Masato, and Kengo protecting you, accidents can still happen on the road. If you and Rin want to come with me, you have to be able to take care of yourselves. Your Bonsly and Rin’s Chingling won’t be enough on their own. Rin, catch.” In a smooth motion, he tosses a Pokéball at his sister in a gentle underhand. Rin scrambles to catch it with a yelp, but when she glares at him he just grins. “In that Pokéball is a cat Pokémon from Alola called Litten. Your big brother crossed oceans and mountains to secure it for you, facing down giant Pokémon and inhospitable—”

“Shut up, idiot, you just called in a favor or something.”

“Gkh—!” Kyousuke flinches.

*Looks like Rin got it in one. Well, even so…* Riki glances at Rin, who is clutching the Pokéball protectively despite her harsh words. *At least she seems happy.*

Kyousuke rallies. “As for Riki, I have a choice of Pokémon for you.” He takes out a pair of Pokéballs this time, holding one in each hand. He raises the Pokéball in his left hand. “First is Piplup, the Penguin Pokémon. It’s a fast swimmer, and evolves into a Water and Steel-type Pokémon which can slice apart ice floes with its wings.” He lowers his left hand, and holds up his right instead. “Your other choice is Turtwig, the Tiny Leaf Pokémon. Its shell is made of hardened soil, and it evolves into a Grass and Ground-type that shelters smaller Pokémon on its back.” He makes a grand sweeping gesture with both arms, or at least as much of one as he can manage while gripping a Pokéball in each hand. “The adventures I went through to retrieve these Pokémon are too grand for—”

“You told Professor Rowan it was for Riki, so he handed them over,” Rin retorts. Riki looks away at the mention of the Pokémon Professor.

Kyousuke droops, an aura of gloom falling over his eyes. “…Right. That.” For such a competent and energetic Trainer, he can be surprisingly childish when he doesn’t get his way…

“W-wait, no! This is just what I wanted!” Riki rushes up to Kyousuke and grabs a Pokéball out of one hand, throwing it in front of him. The Pokéball bursts open with a loud noise and a flash of red light, which resolves into the shape of a small tortoise on all fours. The light clears to reveal that the Turtwig is covered in green scales, with yellow splotches on its feet and a yellow lower jaw. It has a brown shell on its back, and a sprout with two leaves grows from another patch of soil on its head. “See? I’m really happy to be given a Turtwig!”

“Really? Even with what Rin said?”

“Yes, of course!”

“Then you’ll go with me?”

“I’ll do it!”

“Yahoo!” Any trace of his former sulk is gone as Kyousuke shouts with a boyish grin. “Alright then, you should get to know your Turtwig while Rin meets her Pokémon. Oh, by the way, Turtwig is a girl, while Litten and Piplup are boys.”

Riki crouches down to pet the Turtwig while Kyousuke moves on. Its scales are cool and firm to the touch, and when Riki experimentally pats its shell, he’s surprised to find that it feels moist. He looks up while Turtwig headbutts his palm affectionately. A short ways away, Kyousuke is showing Rin the proper form for releasing a Pokémon. She nods with a quiet jingle, winds up, and as her arm sails forward to release the Pokéball, the ball vanishes.

There is an “OWW!” and the sound of a Pokémon leaving its ball, and the group all turns to see Masato lying on the ground with a Litten standing on his face. Unlike most of its species, the Litten’s fur is white except for its whiskers and lower jaw, rings around its legs, and a vertical stripe in the middle of its forehead which branches into two horizontal stripes, all of which are red.

Kengo speaks up, impressed. “You got your hands on a shiny one?”

“I *did* say I went to lengths,” says Kyousuke, preening. “That said, Rin, we’re going to have to work on your control.” He turns to his sister, but she’s not listening, already following the Litten as it hops off of Masato’s face and trots a few paces away.

Rin sits down and offers her fingers for the cat Pokémon to sniff. After a moment, it rubs up against her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, um…” She looks up, uncertain. “He needs a name. What to call him…” Riki turns back to his Turtwig as Rin considers. He should probably give this one a name, too. He watches as it and Sly investigate each other, and pats the base of the sprout on its head, feeling the dampness of the soil.

“Alright, then. It’s nice to meet you, Terra.” The Turtwig looks back at him and cocks its head. “That’s your name now, okay? Terra.”

“Kyousuke, help… I can’t think of any more names…” Rin’s voice makes Riki look up again. She seems genuinely distraught. Well, that’s only natural, when she’s named every cat Pokémon she’s come across for as long as Riki’s known her…

“Hm… Well, a proper name for a Pokémon is important. Alright then, I’ll name him for you. Litten, from now on you’ll be called…” Kyousuke makes a dramatic flourish at the cat. “…Lennon!”

Riki meets Kengo’s eyes as the latter suppresses a groan. For all the fuss he’s making about names, Kyousuke always just names his Pokémon after famous people.

“Now then, let’s get back to business.” Kyousuke clears his throat. “I’ve also brought some empty Pokéballs for you. You should make sure you put Santa and Sly in the first ones. Most of the time, you’ll only want to have one Pokémon out when traveling, and sometimes it’s better to have all of them in their balls.” He hands Riki and Rin five Pokéballs each. Rin holds one up to her shoulder, and after waiting a moment to see that Santa doesn’t back away, she taps the Chingling with the button on front and it disappears into red light. Riki does the same for his Bonsly. “And finally, a Pokédex for each of you.” He opens a slim black bag and pulls out an orange rectangle with a clamshell design. The left side of the Pokédex has a round protrusion coming out of the side, with a camera in the center. He hands it to Riki before pulling out a second one and giving it to Rin.

Riki flips his Pokédex open, revealing two screens. A D-Pad sits in the middle of the round protrusion on the bottom half, while the top half has a speaker in the same place. He presses the power button next to the bottom screen, and the screens light up. A smaller protrusion pops out of the right side of the Pokédex, with a rotary touch pad on it and a green circle in the center. The screen guides him through a setup process, then opens to a blank list.

“The Pokédex has a camera function to automatically record data on Pokémon you see, but you can also register one that you’ve caught for more information by holding up the Pokéball to that green lens.” Kyousuke shows Riki how to line up Sly’s Pokéball with the lens, and Bonsly’s information fills itself in on the screen. Riki withdraws Terra and registers its information while Kyousuke moves on to help Rin with the setup. “When the Pokédex is closed, it will turn off the screens to conserve power, so you should be able to maintain the battery life as long as you don’t forget to charge it whenever you’re sleeping indoors. As long as the camera can see from wherever you keep it, it will still register the Pokémon you encounter.”

Riki flips the Pokédex closed and pushes the protrusion with the lens and touch pad back into its protective casing. After a moment’s consideration, he slips the Pokédex into a breast pocket, with the camera just sticking out on top. “Then… When will we have to leave?”

“In two days,” Kyousuke says. “I was figuring tomorrow we can just relax and do something fun, and then we’ll help the two of you prepare for the trip before we set out.”

“Alright, then!” Masato slams his fist into his palm. “Now we get to the *fun* part! You two ready to start training?”

Kengo looks from Riki, stifling a yawn, to Rin, staring at her Pokédex like it’s a foreign language, to his Pokétch, proudly displaying the time as ‘12:00’. He puts a hand on Masato’s shoulder. “Maybe that should wait for tomorrow.”

By now, the park is totally empty except for them and the night-shift attendants. Kyousuke chuckles sheepishly. “Ah… right. Then let’s reconvene in the morning.”

As the friends file out of Amity Square, Riki glances back for a moment. It’s looking like he might not see it again for a while, but that’s fine. Where he is has never been what’s important to him. He looks at his friends again, Masato and Kengo playfully arguing over which will be the better teacher as Kyousuke and Rin stride ahead. As long as he can stay with the four of them, that’s all that matters.

#Little Busters!#Pokemon #fanfiction #Naoe Riki #Natsume Rin #Natsume Kyousuke #Inohara Masato #Miyazawa Kengo #Sinnoh #Gracidea Blossom

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jjk-biased · 4 years

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FATE'S GAMES SPECIAL

*not canon or part of the storyline, sorry 😔✋🏽

smau masterlist

content that didn't make the cut:

— chapter 25 alt end:

𝗶𝗳 𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗲𝗹 𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗮 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗱

“Daniel Y/L/N,” you gritted out.

“Long time no see, sister.”

The fucking nerve of this guy to even have the face to meet you. He somehow still upheld a small smile, which made you more livid.

“Why are you here?”

“To make amends. Is that too bad?” He shrugged lightly, too casual for your liking.

This was the asshole that had caused you a lot of years of suffering. He was the reason you had to shed blood, sweat, and tears to simply finish your degree in college. He was the root of your problems, the cause of why you had trust issues.

Mainly, he was the reason why the only people you could call your family was the seven best friends who took you in.

“You lost that chance years ago, Daniel!”

You tried your best not to let the anger within you take the wheel. If it did, you were sure you had to leave Seoul with a case of murder stained in your records.

“I’m leaving,” You murmured, snatching Jungkook’s hand and storming off to God knows where.

He followed you wherever you went though. No matter how many turns you took, he was hot on your tail. It took so much in you not to break Jungkook’s hand from the frustration you felt.

“Just give me a chance to explain, sister,” He pleaded.

You finally heard the desperation leak in his tone. Giving up, though not letting your guard down, you allowed it. You gave him yet another chance to redeem himself.

With reluctance, Jungkook left you to talk to Daniel. After reading his last message and texting Hoseok, you closed your phone.

Let’s relive the years of anguish, you sarcastically cheered internally.

“Don’t call me sister. That title died with you three when you moved to America without even so much as telling me,” You breathed out, tears trying their best not to fall from your eyes.

Daniel visibly flinched at that jab. He was a shitty brother after all.

“I… I didn’t mean for it to happen…”

“What a shitty excuse. You didn’t mean for it to happen? What bullshit is that?”

“I never thought they’d take it too far,” He whispered, unable to keep eye contact with you. If he did, he would see how much pain he had caused you.

You chuckled rather sarcastically.

“Yet they did. And you never did anything, did you Dani?” You sneered, the nickname that left your mouth didn’t feel as warm as it did.

Growing up with a traditional family wasn’t something you both could escape from. Your parents had a love-less marriage, meant only to expand whatever business they had.

As first-born, Daniel was expected of a lot of things. Intelligence, charm, and any other business-related characteristic that should help them prosper. But he wasn’t any of those things. He didn’t take interest in the entire idea. Instead of stocks and investments, he wanted modelling. Instead of maths, he wanted fashion.

Neither your mother nor father were having it.

So while he was forced to sacrifice his childhood for your parents, you had the freedom to exercise yours.

He’d be gifted with various accountancy and business related textbooks and would watch as you played with your toys and dolls. He never had those.

Your parents didn’t pay mind to your hobbies. They didn’t mind that you often geeked out at every video game you loved. They were too focused on making Daniel the CEO he will be.

He was angry. He was envious.

But he would be lying if he said he didn’t love you.

You were an empath at heart and would often cheer him up when the pressure was too much. He could still remember when you discovered him breaking down after a certain scolding happened— you dropped everything to rush to his side and say “It’s okay, Dani. I’m here for you.”

The memory of the countless cupcakes you had attempted to make just to make him smile was still etched in his mind. They weren’t the best tasting cupcakes out there, but they were made by you. And it made everything okay.

However, every thread snaps when it reaches its breaking point.

He had reached his— his envy became far too strong than the care had for you.

It was supposed to be a light remark so their parents could give him some sort of leeway in life. But the anger rushed out of his mouth and he couldn’t stop the word-vomit from pouring out.

He watched your parents’ treatment change and had to witness you take the burnt for him. You were now the one they had criticized at every twitch of a finger. They suddenly turned against you, angry at how you “wasted” your life with videogames.

He regretted every single thing he had said.

Perhaps it’s too late now.

“I had no power over them, you know that,” he muttered, taking your silence after he had explained everything as a cue to speak.

“You know… I never really minded them moving to America. But even you left me, Dani,” you croaked out.

“I’m sorry.”

“I became broke when I entered college. I had to work different jobs and eventually stick with the career I have.”

“I’m sorry,” He whispered once again, hands clasped tightly.

“I had no one else to rely on for a few years until my friends showed up,” You sighed.

“I’m sorry.”

It seemed more like a mantra by now. While it wasn’t enough to compensate for each day you had to go by without anyone else, it eased your heart a little bit.

He had also mentioned that he was sent by his parents to fix whatever you two had for the sake of the company. Your fame would bring them benefits, they said. Your brother ignored whatever ulterior motive they had initially planned, and took this chance to finally own up to the shittiest fuck up he had done.

You were thankful for the honesty, sensing that he was true to his word.

“I can’t forgive you immediately, you know,” You reminded, fiddling your thumbs out of anxiety.

“I know. I don’t mind waiting.”

Your brother had finally returned to you.

Jungkook stood beside you as you two waved your brother goodbye. He insisted on holding your hand when you two bid Daniel adieu.

With a heavy sigh, you turned to Jungkook, who had been patiently waiting for you and Daniel to talk it out.

“I’m so—”

He cut you off by tightly engulfing you in his arms. Jungkook softly patted your head as he brought you closer with his other hand.

“I’m glad you’re okay, pumpkin,” Jungkook said ever so gently, resting his chin on your head.

Turning red at his gesture, you allowed yourself to melt in his arms and returned the hug by wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Thank you, kook. I can’t tell you that enough,” You murmured, feeling warm from his gentleness.

He had sadly broken up the hug soon after. It was the first time you’d seen his ears become red but you didn’t point it out.

Clearing his throat, he once again took your hand in his and led you to wherever the others were. He said you might get lost if he didn’t clutch one hand and it would be hard to find you because you were vertically inclined.

If everyone else heard his excuse, they’d definitely say Sure Jan.

You didn’t mind though, actually liking the feeling of his large hands encasing yours.

And if you did mind, you couldn’t actually speak. After all, Daniel decided to leave you with a few parting words that made you embarrassed and rattled.

“You seem to have a crush on your guard dog, N/N.”

Ah you should’ve smacked him when you had the chance. You? Have a crush on Him??? How ab...surd…

You honestly didn’t know anymore. But Jungkook’s hand in yours, you were certain that everything will now turn out fine.

Jungkook’s only problem now was how he’d be able to find the courage to say what he wanted to say earlier.

I like you, Y/N.

But he was content with whatever you two are now, your hands snugly fit with his.

*note: the reason i didn't chose this path is because it seems illogical. don't you think?

i mean,,, it won't be easy to forgive Daniel for what he had done,,, so i made him the bad guy ;-;) but it gets better in the end i swear!

also another reason was i really wasn't happy with how it turned out ;-;) seemed too rushed for them to make amends doesn't it?

this post is part of my special milestone event!

and another fate's game bonus is a q&a with the characters!! (but no one sent in asks throughout the week so it's still open) so if you have questions for the characters, send asks!!

taglist: @armymaknae @rjsmochii @chogiyeol-utopia @deolly @liitlefaiiery @patpus @br0ther-s @tyraparker @ancailinaerach @tae165 @cherrycolababie @nininek12 @atulipandarose @hannahdinse8 @hereforaus @thewariestofheads @thia-aep @diorhobii @seungcheoluwu @mipetronella @callmesenpaix @jungshookmeup @yoongisabby @parkchaeyoung1997 @alpaca1612 @bangtan-serendipity @karissassirak @fullsunkook @salty-for-suga @cholychi @smolbeaniejimin @netflix-batman-sleep @snickerdoodleeee @faeriegukkie @kpop4mysoul @crazylittlemay @theneighborhoodfangirl @ughtear @youurkryptonite @lovelyseomin @pureshinso @kawaiimusiccollection @aviwasabi21

permanent tag: @luvinseokjinnie @97faerie @amoreguk @bbyjoonies @borednia @tanumiki @taescake

#lin's special event #fate's games special #unused content #bts x reader #bts #bts social media au #jungkook x female reader #jungkook x reader #fate's games

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prosopopeya · 4 years

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New Year’s Meme

this survey has been a tradition among my friend group for YEARS, but i haven’t filled it out since 2015 apparently. i’m not entirely sure why except 2016 was the year a lot of stuff changed for me, namely in that i finally got out of school in some form and started a new job, but i also had a few health problems that kept plaguing me (thyroid medicine being off, vitamin d) and my anxiety was all over the place. so here we go i’m doing it again and feel free to do it too if you want!!

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? tried on wedding dresses. taught virtually. dealt (poorly) with drunk teenagers. performed in a pep rally. wore face masks all the time. i’m going to lump in living with someone. jon moved in october 2019, but i don’t think i did this quiz last year so. taught ap.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don’t really like resolutions. they put too much pressure on me and i am a fragile person when it comes to setting expectations and living up to them. i did want to try to read more this year, and i maintained that until the pandemic, and then just kind of gave up requiring myself to do anything but live.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i don’t think so. a coworker did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon’s cousin committed suicide in march or april. the circumstances were pretty upsetting. um. andy died in february, very suddenly. andy was my high school boyfriend for four years with whom i had a very... he scarred me in a lot of ways when it comes to sex and consent. it’s taken me a long time to unpack all of that. and i struggle with how much any of that was his fault or just bc he was a stupid kid too. our mutual friends had nothing but nice things to say about him on fb. anyway. he would guilt me into saying he’d kill himself if we broke up, and jon’s cousin killed himself over his girlfriend. so that was a complex part of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? none. literally the week before the quarantine, we went to asheville to visit jon’s cousin.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? maybe a different job? or at least some peace at doing mine.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? march 13 we cancelled classes and had a technology training day; the 15th we had another one, and then we were virtual the rest of the term. it was such a sudden shift and while i so loved working from home tbh, it was such a relief after a supremely shitty january/february work-wise, i still had a lot of keyed-up, stressful days centered around transitioning to being the senior upper school spanish teacher. i hate it!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? writing 50k in the month of november. i have literally never done that before and actively reject nano as being typically unhealthy for how my mind works, so it was nice to do it entirely by accident.

9. What was your biggest failure? mishandling the drunken teenagers on that field trip in january.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i sit crosslegged in my virtual teaching chair and i did it so much that my ankle hurt for the entire summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought? we put a deposit on our elopement in ireland. jon’s wedding ring. (i didn’t buy my wedding dress.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my best friend at work who keeps me sane and is represented by benny in my au, which other than the fact that he is not my sidepiece, is perfect he is crucial to my survival at work and i love him so much. (also he is gay and the french teacher so the benny parallels just keep coming). everyone who tore down a statue in virginia (and other places, but especially monument avenue). everyone putting their lives on the line during this pandemic.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? guess! but aside from all the obvious, i found out a friend of mine at work voted for trump. my work bff and i had been trying for years to sway his politics, but that had us both deciding to give up on him.

14. Where did most of your money go? food, ALCOHOL. god., our savings account. i did a pretty excellent job saving this year, though a good deal of that is because jon moved in and makes more money than me, and also we split all the bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my wedding dress but strangely only when i went to try it on after it came in bc after the purchase i was so sure i’d made every mistake possible. my wedding band. wellbutrin changing my whole life. and, last but certainly not least, the gay angel and the bi(lingual) hunter. i wouldn’t have survived nov-dec in school without that distraction. the election.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? the entirety of taylor swift’s oeuvre this year, maybe specifically “this is me trying”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. Happier or sadder? happier, i suppose, perhaps contrary to what should be the case, but wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. ii. Older or wiser? wiser. ii. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? reading. cleaning. exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? stressing. chaperoning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? so, an update; last year was the first year i didn’t go to my mom’s for christmas. i was supposed to see her for thanksgiving last year, but she basically told us not to come bc she wasn’t feeling up to it (cool!), and we went to jon’s for christmas and my mom’s for new year’s.

this year, obviously we couldn’t go to my mom’s. instead, we rented a little cabin by the lake. it was perfect; it was really really nice inside, the beds were SO SOFT, the pillows were the best things i have ever laid my head on, like i took off the pillowcases to try to find the brand. we had a little tiny christmas tree with tiny ornaments from walmart that we decorated. the 23rd, we went and picked up our wedding bands. we slept two nights in the (cold) back bedroom so i could wake up and look out at the lake. it snowed for christmas. :)

we opened presents on christmas eve, per jon’s family’s tradition. on christmas eve, we also went to his family farm and sat outside and hung out a little. every year his family does like a secret santa sort of thing and i got my first present in that exchange, which is notable bc jon and i are not yet officially married. i got a remote control car -- jon’s idea bc i couldn’t think of anything, and he was so delighted to hear that i loved playing with rc cars when we went to the beach as a kid.

christmas morning we facetimed my parents and opened some presents together. then jon and i marathoned mandalorian (after spending the previous few days watching several die hard movies), and then we watched wonder woman 1984 which was a bad movie.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? ok LAST year for new year’s, we were in a hotel room, so that was nice, bc it meant minimal stress with my parents. i had always wanted to go to this restaurant near us that has a special new year’s menu, so we did that. the night before or after i think we went to cheesecake factory, which was also amazing.

this year currently i’m tumbling and he’s playing pokemon, and in a bit we’ll try to time it so we finish schitt’s creek in time for the new year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? i re-fell in love with supernatural so that was nice.

23. How many one-night stands? 0. i submit we should randomly change question 23 each year to something more relevant to any of our life experiences.

24. What was your favorite TV program? what did i even watch this year. schitt’s creek. mandalorian. i mean obviously we know supernatural. the circle. are you the one (the queer season). pose. unsolved mysteries. we’re here! perry mason. watchmen. oh maybe that mcdonald’s monopoly fraud documentary. avenue 5. i’ll be gone in the dark. of those i think my favorite maybe is... pose or we’re here.

OKAY UM. on my 2014 version of this there were a bunch of questions about tv shows that i’m putting back in if only for the memories:

25. Which TV shows did you start watching in 2020? the haunting of bly manor, which we still need to finish. derry girls.

26. Which TV shows did you let go of in 2020? HERE’S WHY I WANTED TO RESURRECT THESE. here was my answer in 2015: “supernatural. goodbye, my sweet prince.” CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE

27. Which TV shows did you mean to get into but didn’t in 2020? Why? so far, queen’s gambit and that one on hulu with catherine the great. EVENTUALLY. 28. Which TV shows do you intend on checking out in 2020? fleabag. queen’s gambit. 29. Which TV show do you think you might let go of in 2020 unless things significantly improve? idk i drop things pretty regularly if they don’t entertain me 30. Which TV show impressed you least in 2020? GUYS HERE’S MY ORIGINAL 2015 ANSWER: “supernatural. :(”

anyway back to the rest of the quiz:

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? every person who refuses to listen to facts and information.

26. What was the best book you read? killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the fbi, or the his dark materials series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? well i knew about tswift so i’m not going to count her albums. i will count this song that jon played for me once in the car that got stuck in my head for two weeks straight and led me down into a great related-songs spotify playlist: through the roof ‘n underground.

28. What did you want and get? a wedding dress and a very specific kind of wedding band. a gay angel. a christmas getaway. animal crossing.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? idk i don’t know how many films i saw this year. maybe mucho mucho amor: the legend of walter mercado

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 32. we went to an escape room with a BUNCH of people -- work bff, my old work bff and his wife (old bc he quit and we’ve fallen out of touch :(), the cool new physics teacher and his fiancee, and the aforementioned trump voter and his wife, before we knew... we went out for brunch/lunch after. it was pretty great!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to chaperone that school trip in january. dean being bi in english as well as spanish. cas just ilke, appearing in 15x20. not having to physically go back to work this fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? no! real! pants!

34. What kept you sane? jon. supernatural (in a way?). animal crossing for a while. wellbutrin! i haven’t really been able to detail this yet, but finally i did something about tumblr and my therapist making me think about adhd. my doctor gave me wellbutrin (bc i lack any official diagnosis and was on anxiety meds anyway, and he was like let’s try this!) and it’s fucking. it’s a fucking godsend. surprisingly enough, my students. trying to provide them a safe space has been a calming thing for me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? jensen ackles’ silence. misha collins again, i guess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the summer was so fucking intense. i guess though it was me trying to exert my influence in a responsible way with my students without trying to try to make them feel uncomfortable but then one kid was a vocally upset trump supporter after the election and i had to try to defuse that situation.

37. Who did you miss? my old work bff. several old friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with bc i have no object permanence.

38. Who was the best new person you met? people i met through the spn resurgence!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: if you manifest it in an au, it will come. no really though. maybe that expectations are only as important as i make them out to be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: usually i have a hard time coming up with anything for this and i default to looking at my most played songs of the year. my most played song of the year received each and every one of its plays within the month of november and you can guess why. anyway see if this works

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met - the night we met, lord huron

#happy new year #annual meme

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historytaker · 4 years

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He knew he was dying. He gave us a farewell as only he could – manic, sardonic, tip-toeing on the periphery of the numinous. Yet, David Bowie bowed out with Lazarus. It was, as only these 4 short years later, a powerfully humbling take on a life taking account of itself.

I resented that he died. “The gall,” I’d half mutter with exhaustion to myself. “To go off and die when the world needed his thoughts the most.” The starman took off, nonetheless and the world did continue—a little less. But for my money, anybody who had a bit of Bush-era angst and a penchant for subversive scream matches with music knew they still had Chris Cornell to turn to. And that was very much me.

In fact, the love affair I cultivated with the Audioslave front-man began in earnest when I was a moody teenager on the back of beyond Missouri. What did I even begin to know of the deep, deep text Cornell was singing about? Not much. But everything struck a chord. I loved his voice. He carried the whine of a trained vocalist recovering from too many cigarettes and nights prolonging themselves from the pull of hard liquor. He managed to be at the top of his craft despite the negligent behavior. I loved the wind tossed black locks of hair and how they fell so defiantly to either side of his temples. Men in those days still very much catered to a tighter look. Not Chris. He defied and made it look sexy. I enjoyed seeing his pouty lips crested by the careless growth of chin strap beard. His eyes bore through any picture of him I ever saw. I suppose buried beneath the incredible vocals, fallen-angel looks and guitar riffs were years of layered pain. But artist carry pain for a living. He simply did something with it. The very first moment I heard Chris Cornell, he was singing that mystical song constructed with the discarded boards of symbolism, “Like A Stone.”

As so often is the case with love at first octave—I had to hear more. Fortunately for me, at 14, I had boon companions that were persuaded in the aesthetic of Audioslave like me. My best friend certainly appreciated the first Audioslave album. In fact, our high school years could be characterized by a joint disdain in George W. Bush being president, rural life cultural indifference, and Cornell’s work to anthem us between milestones. Among our group, I was the first to get a job. And who was there to give the newest take on managing school life, puberty, and work? Chris of course. “Be Yourself,” or “Yesterday to Tomorrow,” “Doesn’t Remind Me,” were all standout songs in the band’s newest album Out of Exile. Many of the songs on that album could just as easily have described our murky take on this time. And no good high school experience could be complete without long drives at night—preferably a Friday—jamming to the plethora of songs in the cd holder. True to form, there was Chris Cornell telling us what he knew about grief. Naturally we would slide back and forth between the newest album and the older original. In fact, by the close of sophomore year, I recall distinctly the stuffy humid Missouri early summer working as a veil. Outside, filled with the determination of conquering our minor life major goals, “I Am the Highway” playing low in the background while our group discussed the lovelorn musings of feminine mysteries. None of which mattered to me, I was with the guys I liked. But it mattered to them, so I suppose it mattered to me on second thought.

2005 produced a lot to be upset and genuinely angry about though. The war on terror was only reported as an aimless mission between ill-defined moving targets. As far as my young self was concerned, Bush – who should not have won—did win and proceeded with the war effort. More Americans were dying and being sent to overwhelm the region. I was inching closer to 18 and not at all ready to be a part of that mess. I saw what cultural conservatism did when it married itself to neo-conservatism—nothing worth being an advocate for. As a closeted gay youth, it was nationwide rejection and state constitutional amendments confirming the position. Worse still, hurricane Katrina decimated New Orleans. For the first time in my life, I saw what racism and failure looked like in one catastrophic moment. Once again – as so many times before in high school, Chris Cornell was there to put that anger, anxiety, disappointment, righteous indignation to words. “Wide Awake,” called out the failings of the Bush administration. He called out in no uncertain terms just what was going on, and nobody was blind to the motivations of our president. The album featuring this song, Revelations, was that last time the band would produce anything together. The timing was almost fortuitous because within because our time in high school was nearly finished. But first….

Chris Cornell returned to a solo career for a while. His celebrity has risen dramatically in the years since being part of Audioslave. In many ways, he was taken more seriously as an artist since his early days in the grunge scene with Soundgarden in the early 90’s. For me, 2007 might as well ought to have been the apogee of his prominence in my heart and life. I was staring at a senior year that was about to begin in the quick few months that separated it from May. Cornell released Carry On that month. His songs were less invective and were touching on something more ephemeral – fleeting love. In love with my best friend, closeted, yet joined by a shared enthusiasm for life and this incredible artist; it had a poetic way of playing itself out.

Throughout that senior year, with Chris Cornell’s newest album and everyone of his Audioslave cd’s, we enjoyed his music in abundance. From lung-filled burst of matching pitches, attempting to mirror Cornell, to inventive recreations of his songs in our mundane daily observations, my friend and I enjoyed his music obsessively. With that year came the definitive conclusion—a farewell—to the structured preparedness of oblivious youthful musings; and in that sense, enjoying music superficially. Over that summer, my friend burned a cd that was of Chris Cornell’s first attempt at a solo career—Euphoria Morning. The power, pain, and pros he employed in that cd was much of the same that I would later associate Chris Cornell with. This genre of fusions between genres pulling from rock and blues was astounding. He laments that at 24 that he knows he has everything to live for but this love was not meant to be. It just as well may have been a song aimed at me in my comeuppance. My freshman year in college was an important one. I came out. Additionally, by the end of it, I had finally fallen in love in a way I could accept. But I also drifted from my high school friends. Cornell’s music just could not hit the same—not then, without my best friend to explore its meaning with.

As it were, I grew beyond his music or my fervor for it anyhow. I never tuned him out. In fact, I did enjoy anything he lent his talents to. But the music just could not hit the same with the estrangement from friends, and the budding introduction to successful attempts at failed love. In many ways then, my observation and enjoyment of Chris Cornell’s work was largely passive—never fully immersing myself so completely as I did as a zealous teenager. Nevertheless, I recall distinctly the feeling in my gut—being bereft of words and filled with despair in hearing of Chris Cornell’s death. In many ways, all those high school days and summer nights, all those drunken nights in college sleeping with headphones on and drifting in and out of sleep with Chris playing in my ear, comparing my heart’s desires with his wise songs all collided in this ebullition before bursting in what amounted to a inhaled sob.

I was stunned. Stunned because his death was more than a celebrity death, but also a reconciliation with life having moved on for me so much. After that introspection I then looked into what happened, and the general consensus is that Chris Cornell had been depressed for a long time. He ended his own life. And immediately all of those songs, defying himself, or his lover, were also proclamations against this pain that he carried so completely for so long. He clearly felt things deeply in a way that so many of us could never understand. Surely his joys were a high that could not be comprehended, but I imagine if Hell exists, he dwelt there many times; always climbing out from it, and often with a new message to give us.

I could not listen to his music for months after he died. It hurt too much. I could not enjoy his gifts to the world or particular contribution to my life while knowing he was gone. Slowly, incredibly slowly, his music crept back in to my occasional listening. This would generally be my new relationship to his music; Always reminded with each passing song as it randomly played on my phone that Chris Cornell was gone. Then, suddenly, like a grasp at the heart from somewhere beyond—I stumbled on his song “Misery Chain.” Then, years after the passing of the poor man, then I felt the gravitational pull of his heart. The pain, the truth, the baring of his soul is plainly displayed in his song. Nothing unique to him, but the missing piece was the tragedy in knowing how it all ends. Each whine, each extra effort in carrying the note—pushing himself ever forward despite the futility of the exercise, is underscored in knowing in a few short years he would commit suicide. He snubs that misery he knows so well, but we know it was never far away.

I could not say goodbye. I was not ready. He teaches still, even now from beyond. What he gifted the world in music and honesty, I can only assess through my own life. I lament that his brilliance is bookended by infinity. But I am glad that someone who knew how to share their heart ever existed at all. Indeed he felt, and I felt with him. I know that now.

#chris cornell

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another-sonic-blog · 6 years

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ShadAmy Week 2018: Behind The Scenes

Life behind the scenes was different for Shadow.

Sure he enjoyed acting for SEGA’s game and he could relate a lot to his character. The Shadow he was interpreting had a tragic past, he was cool and ‘edgy’. However, the Shadow in real life was a bit different. He tried to keep at all times in order to keep in secret how socially awkward he was. When he played the part of Shadow The Hedgehog in the video games for the first time, it gave him so much confidence that he thought it will be better to keep this facade. That way everyone around him will keep his distance, he wanted it that one but there was a certain pink hedgehog who saw through right away.

. . .

“Will you cut the act? I want to have a serious conversation with Shadow”

“What do you mean? I am Shadow”

“I mean...the REAL Shadow”

. . .

That was after they finish recording their scene together in Sonic Adventure 2. So many things have happened, they don’t really have any more scenes together after that besides some small shorts on his own video game. And it was the same with their last game “Sonic Forces”. Whether he wanted it or not, Amy was the only one who actually saw through him. That fact alone made him more and more curious towards the pink hedgehog. Shadow wasn’t a naive one, he knew that from the start he had a small interest on the Amy. However, through time, what was a small interest became a huge crush and maybe even love. Sometimes he wished there was a scene or something where his character showed some interest in Amy’s character, maybe, that way he would have enough courage to express his feelings to her.

“Everyone but her knows that you like her”

Shadow jumped one step forward but regretted it as soon as he recognized his friend’s voice.

“Don’t ever do that again weedhead”

“I can be a weedhead but at least I am not creeping out on the girl I like”

Yes, that was Silver. Besides Amy, Silver was one of the only hedgehogs he could trust, he was soon to discovered that he liked Amy and after he confronted him about it, there was really no other choice but to confess.

“You used to do that with Blaze before you began dating her, you have no right to tell me I am a creep”, Shadow completely faced Silver now, forgetting for a moment the pink hedgehog on the set.

“You should just go for it, that worked for me”- Silver said teasing his friend, he really admired Shadow but sometimes he could be as stupid as a rock. He knew about the fake facade that Shadow had to put up in order to feel more confident about himself. You would never really think that Shadow would be the type to get scared easily or that he has a thing for fashion and Instagram accounts.

“Well, everyone knew that Blaze had a thing for idiots and you are one so it worked out for you but for me? I have never been in the same room alone with Amy, she knows that I am pretending to be someone else but she has never really seen me do well...my things”

“By things, do you mean reading romance novels and watching Netflix all day?”, Silver didn’t like the direction this was going. He hated to think that his friend didn’t like the soft side of himself.

“Yes, and well...Amy is into dating well you know, ‘macho guys”- Shadow said with a serious face. In all honesty, he exactly didn’t know what was Amy’s type for a boy, but last time he remembers she was dating someone who was very unlike him.

“And besides she’s dating Sonic”- Shadow quickly added.

“They broke up a month ago”

“What?”, Shadow couldn’t believe it, who would let go of Amy Rose?

“Yeah, they broke up a month ago, she told me but wanted it to keep it on the low...that’s why I am telling you, you should go for it”, Silver had something in plan ad he decided to go for it.

“What do you what me to do? I can’t just say ‘Hey Amy, would you want to go to a cafe tonight with me?”

“Sure, I’ll go. I am done with my scene anyway”

Shadow jumped one more time, scared to find out who the voice belonged to, only to find Amy Rose standing behind him.

“Uh, Oh, what?”- Shadow could barely process what was happening, and Silver on the back was content to know that his plan had worked.

“Well, I’ll leave you two to go now”- Silver added as he gave a small pat to Shadow on his shoulder.

“Aren’t you coming?”- Amy asked him curiously.

“No sorry, I got a date with Blaze, but hey maybe soon all of us four can have lunch together...maybe like a double date...Right?, Shadow~”, By this time Shadow knew that Silver was teasing him and in all honesty, he was ready to knock him down right there.

“Haha, we’ll see about that”- Amy smiled and waved Silver goodbye as he left the pink and black hedgehog alone.

“Well, Shadow, to what cafe are you taking me?” Shadow felt his breath go away, could he actually be dreaming right now/

“Its a surprise...just follow me!”, Shadow just began to walk out of SEGA’s building with no direction whatsoever. In all honesty, he didn’t know where he was going. He thought that maybe if he walked fast enough, he would wake up from the dream he was having or Amy would just get tired and stopped following him.

Its already been 10 minutes and Shadow could still hear Amy walking behind him. He now knew that he needed to find a place fast...and there it was...his salvation.

. . .

“McDonald's? You took me to McDonald's?”- Amy questioned, and Shadow was quick to respond.

“They got great coffee here too you know!”, Shadow realized that what he said sounded a bit rude but at the moment he really couldn’t think about it.

“I know but, it is just that when you said to a cafe...I thought you meant something different”

‘Different’

‘That’s it!’, Shadow thought. The solution to his problems. He didn’t knee to be himself, he could just pretend to be Shadow, his character. The cool, edgy character that has made him have many fangirls. Maybe faking was bad, but if faking who he was made his life behind the scenes change just one bit for the better, then it was all worth it.

“I apologize Rose...It is just that I been off my latest” Amy noticed a sudden change in Shadow’s personality and this took her interest even more,

“It's alright, I feel like eating ice cream anyway...why don’t order and sit down to talk for a bit?”

Shadow only nodded and went up to the counter, Amy expected at least a ‘yes’, but nothing came out of his mouth, she only followed him up close.

“I want a cup of coffee, dark, no sugar”, Shadow hated dark coffee, he only liked them with a bunch of milk and sugar. He had a really sweet tooth, but of course, if he wanted to stay in character, he couldn’t just ask for a normal cup of milk cafe. No, it had to be something that matched his character.

“Alright, sir and for you miss?”- The employer asks Amy.

“Can I have a cone of ice cream?”

“Sorry man, the machine is broken”

“What?”- Shadow stood up in front of Amy and facade the cashier.

“I am sorry sir, but the machine is broken”

“Well the lady wants her ice cream so you must give it to her”- Shadow in a million years would ever do this. His real self-was always mad that the ice cream machine was broken and at this point, he honestly thought that it was just incompetence coming from the employees. He would never demand anything on his life before, but the character hi was interpretation wasn’t him, but Shadow the Hedgehog, a hero who wasn’t afraid to say what he wanted to say.

“Oh, look at that, they just told me that the machine began to work again!”- The cashier was quick to go back and bring Shadow’s coffee and Amy’s ice cream really fast. Even Shadow had to admit that he felt bad for intimidating the cashier like that.

“Here’s your coffee and ice cream for your girlfriend sir, thank you for shopping for us”

Shadow’s act was about to drop as soon as he heard the cashier say ‘girlfriend’ he felt his muzzle go red and the fact that Amy didn’t deny it was making his heart run even faster. He had never walked so fast to a seat before.

“You didn’t have to that but thank you Shadow”- Amy said as she took a sit in front of him. Amy was already a bit tired of the situation and wanted some answers but she still really hoped that Shadow could give them to her without pressuring him.

“No problem”- Shadow was quick to take back his ‘cool’ posture and took a sip of his coffee which tasted horrible for him but pretend to be normal about it.

“So tell me Shadow, what do you like to do in your free time?”- Amy smiled at him.

“I like working on my bike and exercise”- That wasn’t really a lie, well kind of. He hated working out but still he needed in order to keep shape for his character and he enjoys taking rides on his bike but in reality, he didn’t know how to maintain one.

“Sounds very...like you.....I also enjoy exercising and practice gun shooting...you like guns too don’t you Shadow?”- Amy took a quick lick on her ice cream after asking.

“Of course, I have a collection”

“Really? Maybe you should show them to me one day... my favorite type of gun is a semiautomatic pistol...what about you?” Shoot Amy had him. He couldn’t lie, he didn’t have a clue about guns. His mind was blank and for a moment he was so embarrassed that he didn’t dare to look up from his cup of coffee.

“You know Shadow...I actually hate coffee”

“Then why did you come when I asked you to come with me?”

“Because I wanted to know you, I thought it will be nice to get to know the real you. We have been working together for a long time now, but I barely know the things you like”

“How did you find out? I mean the first time we met...you saw that I was faking”- Shadow was now brave enough to look at Amy’s eyes just for a bit.

“I could tell, its the small things you do that uncovers you, like getting scared easily, looking at your gloves to see if they are clean, or how quickly turn around to give a small look to the books stores we passed by...before wasn’t any different, I guess I just got a good eye for that kind of things”

“I am sorry”

“But you also did this to...inpress me as well, am I right?

Shadow felt like he could explode any second now, was she saying that she was aware of his feelings towards her. “You don’t have to say anything...I noticed how you look at me...also that Silver let it slip once that you like me”

“Well that explains a lot”, Shadow was at this point really thinking of different ways of how to take revenge.

“but I broke up with Sonic not too long ago and well, I don’t want a relationship right now and also that I would like to know more about you”

“But this is me”, at the moment Shadow wasn’t really thinking about what he was saying, at the moment he really couldn’t think of anything else but at the fact that Amy was actually saying that she may want to date him in the future.

“I mean the REAL you”

Shadow was quiet for a second finally realizing his mistake.

“I know it must be hard, opening up after faking for so long but,”- Amy said as she stood up from the seat, “maybe I can help you if you take me out for coffee more often”

And with that Amy left, leaving a speechless Shadow behind, ready to throw away his black coffee and order a new one witch bunch of milk and a ton of sugar; of course after apologizing to the cashier for his attitude before. He wanted to go after the pink hedgehog, and tell her who really was, not Shadow the Hedgehog of SEGA who liked guns and motorcycles; but Shadow who loved sugar and teenage dramas.

He wanted to tell her how different his life was behind the scenes.

#Shadamy #shadamy fanfiction #shadamy week 2018 #shadamy comic #shadamy boom #shadowxamy #shadow and amy #shadow x amy #shadow the hedgehog #amyrose #Amy Rose #sonic the hedgehog #behind the scenes #bts

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pinktatertots99 · 6 years

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7 minute message in a bottle - MTNY/TAMB fic

....haley kiyoko music drove me to make this.

synops: getting trapped in a different form of the game of ‘spin the bottle’ lucy now has to deal with not only interacting with people but a turn that involves a certain blonde and 7 minutes.

rated: T for silly teen jokes and intense kissing. it’s mostly just these kids being silly playing a magical game. i just maybe...added shipping cause...i’m trash. also this has no relation to the last lucy x alice fic i made. i’m just very random with this ship cause well, i have no cohesion with my shit when it comes to a new thing i like or get invested in.

her eyes cracked to the sound of the door cracking open and small giggles shared by multiple people. oh god how annoying...wait why were there people here!? turning over she noticed a large group of other students sitting in a circle, one with a familiar red head of hair right infront of her face.

it seemed however one by one they all looked to her in surprise, chise looking last and being met with her sharp eyes. “o-oh lucy.” she hesitated out. I’m so sorry. i didn’t know you were here-”

“shocker.” she mumbled as she rose up, rubbing her eyes at them as chise continued. “we just got this game and well, we were more closer to our dorm and just-”

“oi oi chise it’s fine.” looking the raven noticed Mr. reinfred’s second hand *no pun intended*, and the campus brute alice. how odd she acted to gently to calm her dormmate’s worries. looking around it seemed the others were the same group from that one lunch. except that new girl...how odd but unsurprising.

“so, what exactly are you all doing?” she asked. beatrice popped up from them, holding a bottle with pieces of rolled up paper inside. “spin the message in a bottle.” she stated.

...it took a few minutes for lucy to verify what in the world she said. “...spin the message...in a bottle?” she asked, sounding a bit derisive. this gained sofia to speak up to confirm. “yes. see, we spin the bottle, and whoever it lands on takes a piece out of it and does whatever it tells them.” she stated so matter of factly. “just an idea we all got.”

she looked somewhat understanding but not technically caring much in her face as she looked them all over. “...is it a quiet game?” she asked. all looked to eachother but shook their heads at her. “not really.” issac blurted out obviously.

“oh!” beatrice exclaimed. “maybe you’d like to join?” this caused everyone around her to look at her like she was insane. “...i mean, sure i guess.” they looked to alice who spoke that sentence up. “the more the merrier right?”

“and we did kinda barge in.” one of the twins jasmine spoke up. it seemed slowly one by one they all agreed to it, especially on that account. lucy looked downright confused as chise looked and smiled at her. “you can just watch too though if you want to.” she stated, all the others seeming to agree. talk about flocking together just like what she thought.

...she just looked and sighed, setting her feet down and causing the circle to move a bit as she took a seat next to chise and one of the twins. violet was it?

“well, if that’s the case then fine.” she grumbled. “just to get this done quicker and go back to bed.” and so the game began, beatrice spinning the bottle, and landing straight on chise. taking it she took the hook that was tied to the bottle and slowly eased it inside, grabbing one of the rolled up notes by it’s string and pulling it out, untying it to read it.

“...b-...bunny kiss the person to your right?” she read, a mixture of confused yet flustered looking to lucy. ‘talk about a great start’ the other thought to herself sarcastically. “it’s rubbing your noses together.” sofia stated. looking to beatrice and performing the act for the mage to get the hint.

nodding chise leaned in and both briefly touching noses before moving away quickly and flustered, gaining some friendly giggles from it. the game continued with random results. from isaac having to balance on a ball while balancing one on his nose to liam dared to take one of the cats from outside the halls, which thankfully for him was rose lynn and thus not bothered by it, martin having to sing in an overdramatic operatic voice, the twins telling a tale of someone confessing to one of them having to tell them they were the wrong twin and male, to lazarus having to trade one of his valuables for a week with kevin and many more random dares and truths.

...this was such a random game, yet somehow she was more intrigued with everyones reactions to it, especially the wizard’s apprentice herself considering she never saw her with this group before. the bottle spun onto chise yet again as she pulled out a piece. “butterfly kiss the person on your left.” she read aloud. looking to alice. lucy similarly looked, somehow a bit more curious than usual.

looking to the piece of paper the group watched chise whisper out a spell, turning it into a butterfly and gently flying and landing onto alice’s nose, seeming to kiss it before dispersing back into the piece of paper. as the shock wore off the silence broke with alice’s laughing. “th-that’s not what it meant chise!” she laughed out, the redhead looking a bit confused.

“what kind was it then again?”

as she explained it the other blushed a bit apologizing for mixing the message up. lucy could feel something crack in her face, but realized and went back to her neutral face as chise flusteredly spun the bottle, this time stopping at lucy surprising everyone.

taking the hook she was able to expertly grab a piece of paper and pull it out, unraveling it and reading aloud. “perform ‘7 minutes in heaven’ with the second person on your left.” she looked to chise, and then next to her....alice. the group had gone quiet, most of them having similar hues of pinks and reads on their cheeks as the two stared.

“...so this is a duet then?” lucy asked, seeming to gaining more embarrassed looks from the others. violent lightly pulled the other over, whispering in her ear and instantly her face matched the groups.

“...w-well we did say we didn’t have to do one if-” sofia started but was interrupted by lucy getting up. “i go through what i’m supposed to do.” she stated firmly. “so i’m not backing down on this.” she then looked to alice. “are you?”

at that her blush faded lightly as she smirked, getting up. “i never back down from a challenge!” she replied fiercely. “i’m in too.”

the group looked but nodded in agreement to let it go on.

“so, where are you guys even going to do it in?” liam asked, the others looking around till seeing the wardrobe.

“guess it’ll have to work.” martin off commented, the two walking to it. lucy sliding it open, letting alice walk in first. “i’ll give you two five minutes to get used to it.” sofia stated as she started a five minute timer once the door shut.

both stared at eachother through the dark, small portion of light coming from their feet.

“...so...you ever done this before?”

“have you?”

alice made a noise of uncertainty. “...i’d like to maybe not confirm or deny that.”

“agreed.”

more silence as both could feel the ticking inside themselves. alice messed with the hem of her hoodie and lucy twirling one of her bangs.

“...this is pointless.” lucy stated. “the more we wait the more anxious we get.”

“somehow i’m starting to realize that too.” alice replied, noting the other took a step closer, both facing eachother. “before the timer goes off we should do a quick exercise of what we’re going to do so it’s not awkward.”

“eh- ah, what?” she looked more surprised by the sudden statement. “n-now?”

gripping the strings to her hoodie it felt so slow as both felt the feeling of the sudden force of the short chaste kiss. pulling away both panted silently, lucy’s hands still on the strings. she could barely feel her face with how red it felt. looking back to alice she noticed her face seemed a bit...unchanged...but then it smirked.

“heh, you must be new to this.” she joked, making the other feel redder then earlier. “oh? then if you think your so great about it why don’t y-” before she could finish she already felt the others lips mashed to hers, hands ghosting over her waist hesitantly. the student’s eyes widened but slowly closed as natural instinct took hold as she wrapped around her neck. none even hearing the others stating the five minutes were up and starting the seven minutes.

............

the group stared at the wardrobe. the timer had already finished few minutes ago yet they haven’t come out.

“...is it really seven minutes?” chise asked as they all looked at eachother.

roy perked up “...should one of us go and knock?” they all looked, beatrice setting the bottle down and spinning it. “whoever gets it goes and knocks.” she commented as it landed on sofia, who pouted but mumbled a “fine” as she walked to the door.

before she could knock however it suddenly opened itself, both emerging from it. hair bewildered and panting as they rushed out.

“so...warm.” alice panted, gaining a smirk from lazarus. “well duh it is seven minutes~.”

“i meant the damn wardrobe!” she screeched out, blushing more as she looked to lucy and flushing more. her shirt was up a bit only showing her waist, thankfully it fell naturally as she looked down to the floor.

without a glance she picked up the bottle and walked to the door. “okay, my turn is up and you’ve all re-payed for your interruption.” she stated opening it. “i believe we should call it a night before curfew.”

they all looked and sighed as they gathered themselves up and started walking out, beatrice taking the bottle as chise followed to say her goodbyes to them. after the door closed as they all walked down the hall.

chise looked...and stopped. “wait.” she said, gaining the others to look back. “...where’s alice?”

they looked around the hallway but there was no site of her. “maybe she teleported out?” liam asked, chise shaking her head. “i usually hear something that says she did.” slowly they looked to the dorm room they left.

......

“i-...i guess i should call ruth to take me home.”

#mahoutsukai no yome #mahou tsukai no yome #the ancient magus bride #ancient magus bride #MTNY #TAMB #fanfiction #writing #lucy x alice #alice x lucy #the pink one speaks #i made this

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emilyplaysotome · 6 years

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Chapter 5 - From Good to Bad

Catch up on Chapter 1 - 4 here! (or just Chapter 4)

A leopard cannot change his spots and it would seem that Soryu Oh was destined to be on the wrong side of the law.

There was no ski mask, no hiding of features - just the man I’d known for some time looming over me in a similar fashion to how he’d once stood over me in his suite, as I cowered beneath him on a couch back at the fictional Tres Spades. His hair was slicked back and I found myself frozen beneath him, unclear as to why he was resorting to petty thievery.

“Hurry the fuck up!” He yelled as the train began to slow into Queensboro plaza.

“Ok…ok…I’m just going to reach for my wallet…”

Soryu’s eyes darted and he clicked his tongue in an irritated fashion.

“Shit!”

I held my wallet out to no one as I caught his back running towards an adjacent car. In my own, two NYPD officers barreled through the doors at the opposite end and began to chase him. It all happened so quickly that I barely could process what had transpired, but as the train pulled into the station I realized that the doors refused to open. After a short commotion in the empty train car next door, I watched as the subway finally allowed people on and off, and Soryu was escorted out in handcuffs by a plain clothed officer.

“Are you ok miss?” asked an African American cop. He stood at least 6 feet tall and peered down at me with a concerned expression.

“Yes. I’m fine.”

He handed me his card and I took it.

Terek Bishop was a detective at the NYPD. He was quite striking, with handsome features, short cropped hair and a clean-shaven face. He was the type of officer that broke the pot belly, doughnut eating stereotype and instead had the body of pro athlete with an intellectual sharpness that comes with outsmarting criminals on a daily basis.

He told me that the man who had moments ago held me up had been terrorizing the trains at night and made me sit on the platform at Queensboro Plaza as he took an official statement from me. After a good 15 minutes of talking, he finished his report and noted that I would most likely be called in as a witness against Soryu.

It never crossed his mind that I knew the man who had momentarily forgotten about me or his past life in this world. I was happy that Soryu had been apprehended yet if he was to end up in jail I had absolutely no clue as to how exactly I’d get that kiss. It was unlikely that I’d be able to meet Soryu through a dating app considering he was a criminal and seeing as how I had no idea insofar as how one schedules a conjugal visit, I could feel the king laughing at me from his invisible vantage point.

My face flushed as Terek took down my information and my mind started to run away with itself. Luckily he didn’t seem to notice and instead noted that someone from his unit would get in touch.

“Sorry for keeping you out so late ma’am,” he said politely and I found myself stopping him with the realization that Soryu wasn’t the only one Terek might be able to help me locate.

“You don’t happen to work with a Jin Namba?” I asked cautiously. “I think he’s NYPD as well…”

Terek shook his head with a smile and said, “We’re a large organization ma’am. Name sounds familiar but I don’t think I know him. You a friend of his?”

“Something like that.”

“You could call the main switchboard but that’s about the best I can do for you.”

“The switchboard?”

“Yeah, hold on. Hey Fuller?”

Terek spoke into his walky and I heard a static-y type of sound before the man on the other end of the line provided me with a phone number. Terek told me I could give it a call and be put in touch with an officer, should Jin Namba be NYPD.

I thanked him, well aware of the fact that I didn’t know if the king had left Jin’s profession intact or if he’d turned him into something else entirely. Coupled with the fact that even if he was still NYPD, I couldn’t just call him on a professional line and ask him out on a date.

Regardless though, these were questions best handled after a good night sleep and being keenly aware that the clock was nearing 1 am on a work night, I needed to get to Meg’s and get myself to bed.

The next day I rolled in to the office overtired and with a latte the size of my head.

For the most part being a manager meant not being subjected to the same sort of scrutiny when it came to arrival and departure times at work. However, maintaining an atmosphere built on “fairness” meant that I upheld the expectations set for my underlings. I wanted to roll in late but instead I dragged my haggard ass outta bed and was in my office by 9:30 knowing full well that I was an example for the junior employees that tended to go out more often than I did these days.

I had hoped to get through the morning with as little human interaction as possible, but as luck would have it Anita decided to pay me a visit around 10 AM. She was one of my few real friends at the office, seeing as how we were both senior level people and often found ourselves stuck on different iterations of “manager island”. She was an executive creative director, and with a twinkle in her eye she plopped herself down and announced that they were pitching for a new account.

“Do you remember when we did all that work for Marriott?”

“Vaguely - why do you ask?”

“A much, much sexier hospitality brand is coming down the pike for a pitch in a month and I’m looking for all those consumer testimonials you did.”

“Hmm.”

I could feel my metaphorical feet dragging as I waded through my old files and Anita knew me well enough to smirk and ask, “What did you get up to last night?”

“Oh, not much.”

“That’s not what this seems like…”

“I had a date if you must know.”

“A date?” She asked with a perplexed expression, “but wait…you and…”

It was then that I’d realized I’d messed up. I hadn’t really wanted to talk about our breakup seeing as how I wanted to believe I’d get the opportunity to see him again and figure out my feelings once and for all. As stressful as this new game was, I hoped that it would allow me to solidify what I wanted and get it but I hadn’t really wanted to broadcast the journey to those in my real life.

“Please, keep it on the DL,” I said. “I’m still hoping we’ll get back together.”

“So you went out with him?”

“Not exactly…”

“Noami…I’m not judging, just confused.”

“It’s a long story that I don’t feel like getting into,” I said quickly. “And I found the presentation. Should I slack it to you?”

Anita nodded and said, “Thanks. And if you ever want to talk I’m here. I won’t push, just saying.”

“I appreciate that.”

Anita left and I found myself thinking about Meg’s return and the fact that I was mostly on my own. I spent a good portion of the day trying to figure out how I could loosely explain my dilemma to friends, but other than Leon I had a hard time believing anyone in this world could comprehend what had happened to me during my time down the otome rabbit hole. I found myself thinking of those last few days when all I wanted was my New York friends to offer their advice and support on what man I should take back to this world, yet now that I was home I had no way of leaning on them.

I trudged through as much work as I could handle and around 4 pm decided that I was mentally done for the day. Luckily for me, that meant laying low in my office having no pending meetings and most of my department busy with their assigned work.

As I once had in an otome cafe, I pulled out a new notebook and wrote the names of the men I was looking for in order to help get some sense of organization or a plan. I’d fallen into a date with Hiroshi, but having met Soryu once more realized that I couldn’t just keep swiping and hope to run into these men. I’d need to be slightly proactive and hope that the king had preserved some of their defining characteristics considering there were traces of the men they had been in both Soryu and Hiroshi.

At the moment I figured outside of waiting for my park date with Hiroshi on Saturday, I could follow up with Terek and feign some story of wanting to look Soryu in the eyes and confront the man who had accosted me on the train. For Jin, I could call the NYPD switchboard and confirm whether or not he was an employee. If he was, I’d have to concoct a story to meet up with him and if he wasn’t I’d cross that bridge when I got there. Hijikata and Zyglavis’ whereabouts remained a complete mystery at the moment and I jotted down a few clues and interests ranging from martial arts to chocolate cake.

Taking into account the size of New York City, the exercise felt far more futile than it had back in otome-ville where I’d had the upper hand. Even though you’d think I’d have the home game advantage considering we were in New York, the vastness of the city left me feeling like I was attempting to locate a bunch of golden needles in a dirty, rat infested haystack.

With these men I’d have to cross my fingers and hope we’d cross paths on an app, while researching hot new spots that may have opened up and attracted them.

Then, there was the last man that the king summoned who at the moment remained a total mystery. When he had noted this fact I initially thought the man in question might be Shunichiro Tachibana and I’d be lying if my heart hadn’t been hopeful of this fact. Zyglavis never knew, but I continued to play Shun’s routes from time to time seeing as how Irresistible Mistakes never had the issues that the other games had upon my return to this world. However, as I mustered up the courage to launch the game with the hope that Shun’s route would be mysteriously unavailable, I couldn’t help but think that was far too easy considering how duplicitous the king was…

…and when Shun’s route loaded without issue, I could feel my heart sink.

If I was being honest (and somehow the king’s games always forced me to take a long, hard look in the mirror), Shun and Hijikata were always the two that I questioned saying goodbye to. With Hijikata, I didn’t have a choice to explore where that relationship could leave as I was taken back to the future before it could unfold. Shun, on the other hand, was someone who had always matched well with me on paper and it was nothing more than a fleeting gut feeling that made me leave him behind.

It may sound ridiculous, but I was jealous of his MC whenever I’d read his stories and as a result, that emotion that bubbled up made me question why it was that I had deemed him not my match. He really would have been the most perfect boyfriend, and having played more and more of his routes I realized that I’d gone with someone I had more information about over someone I was getting to know. His dismissal haunted me more and more as Zyglavis and I had a harder time being together and I often wondered how he would have handled his jealousy.

Now it was clear to me that we would not be getting a second chance to find out, and despite being at work that realization did not prevent tears from welling up in my eyes. I was happy that most of the office had headed home, but there were enough of my employees left that I attempted to compose myself as I hid behind my monitor.

By the time I’d finally composed myself, I was in an empty office and had little choice but to go back to Meg’s and pack in anticipation of returning home this weekend. She was set to return tomorrow evening and we discussed having dinner together before I went back to my empty studio on the Upper East Side.

I was surprised at how hard I was taking the news that Shun was most likely not the mystery man brought here from the otome world, and convinced that I needed to cheer up pushed myself to recover with a yummy dinner and marathon of Vanderpump Rules. Naturally, it’s the moments of feigned positivity when the universe decides to throw another gut punch and though one could argue it was my fault for having my attention on my phone instead of the street in front of me I accidentally careened into a beautiful woman.

I didn’t mean for her to topple over in such a dramatic fashion, but she looked up at me stunned with large doe-like eyes as her long legs were sprawled out on the pavement. Before I could off her an apology or my hand for that matter, a familiar man flew out of the restaurant she’d been waiting in front of and rushed up to her.

“Are you ok?” He asked.

“I think so.”

“Someone could have gotten hurt as a result of your carelessness!” he chided, confirming my suspicions and adding to what was already proving to be a downer of a day.

Zyglavis’ not only had a girlfriend, but she appeared to be everything that I was not.

Read Chapter 6

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let-love-run-red · 7 years

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Red (3/?)

AN: I'm back loves! Managed to kick this sickness in the ass after a week of hospitals and IV's and i'm ready to get back to writing! Enjoy this loves

Tag List: @imaginecrushes @but-kairis-not-that-smart (One of the tags didn’t work for some reason and I can’t figure out why I’m sorry sweetie)

two weeks later

it was Sunday, the day you were dreading. You had no way to avoid Hux and your parents were going to be gone for another week. They'd called you that morning, saying they'd decided to extend their vacation. You'd smiled and said you'd be alright, they'd transferred more money to your account for food. You'd hung up and given a loud groan. You then called Poe.

"Hey (y/n), how's my favorite cousin doing?" He asked. You could hear the smile on his face through his voice. You took a breath before letting it out.

"Hey Poe, I'm alright. Can I borrow BB-8 for awhile?" You asked. You often 'stole' Poe's large dog. You used the excuse that you were lonely, or that Angel needed someone to play with, no matter what excuse you used Poe always agreed to let you have him for however long you wanted.

"You know you're always welcome to take this crazy mutt off my hands for however long you need. But first let me ask you, why do you always take my dog?" You didn't know how to tell Poe that sometimes your boyfriend needed encouragement to stay on his side of the couch. That BB-8 was the only dog you had access to that Hux seemed to be wary of. So you just told him you were lonely because your parents were still on their anniversary trip to Cuba.

Before you knew it Poe was at your house with BB-8, holding the dog's thick leather leash in his hand as the mountain of fur yipped and pulled against his leash as Angel jumped and barked at the window. You opened the front door, Angel streaking out of the house. Poe unhooked BB-8's leash and the two dogs took off chasing each other.

You followed Angel out the door, meeting Poe at his car. You leaned against the sleek new vehicle and watched as Angel rolled BB-8 onto his back, mouth gently closed around BB-8's throat as their tails both wagged before Angel pulled away and BB-8 flipped himself over, front near the ground with his tail in the air. The two continued their romp and you turned to Poe.

"Thanks so much for letting me borrow him. It's getting a little quiet with just us around here." You said with a chuckle. Poe smiled and pulled you into a hug as BB-8 trotted over and shoved his nose against Poe's hip, searching his pocket for the treats Poe usually kept there.

"No problem cous'. He gets a little bored by himself anyway. It's good for him to have a friend" Poe said, digging in his pocket and telling BB-8 to sit. The dog obeyed without hesitation, watching Poe's hand intently. Poe handed you the treat, transfering BB-8's focus over to you before you handed him the treat and waved goodbye to Poe as he got back in his car and pulled out.

You walked back into the house, watching Poe's car pull down the street. You turned around to see BB-8 had laid himself across the entirety of one couch, his paws dangling off the edge. You smiled at the sight of him, feeling more secure now that you had Poe's large guard dog asleep in your house.

You glanced across the street, remembering the lights from last night and found yourself wondering once again if Ben was alright. You shook it off, it didn't matter anyway. You decided to take a walk to clear your head and started packing a bag with a bottle of water and two dog bowls. You grabbed the leashes and walked back into the living room to see the dogs with their heads lifted attentively. You laughed and called them to you, clipping the leases onto the collars before walking out of the house and locking the door behind you.

"Alright boys, how about we walk to Burger King and get an Icee hm?" You asked. The dogs just looked at you as you took the short walk down the driveway onto the street. You didn't see Ben sitting up watching out the window as you walked, both leashes held in your one hand as the two dogs trotted at your heels.

The walk was a good distance. Not long enough to tire you or the dogs but just long enough that you felt you'd all gotten good exercise. When you reached the restaurant you tied their leashes to the bike racks in the shade and gave them water int he bowls you'd brought before walking into the building to order a single cherry Icee.

You walked back out to see an unfamiliar man knelt next to the dog's, ruffling their fur while they covered his face with their tongue's. You cleared your throat as you walked closer and the man paused, looking up with a sheepish grin.

"Sorry, I just had to stop and say hello. They're beautiful dogs." He said. You nodded with a small smile and sat down next to the two. Angel turned and leaned into you, sticking his tongue out to lick the Icee cup you held. You pulled it away and gave him a stern look. Angel lowered his head and wagged his tail slowly.

"They are, I'm (y/n)." You said, holding your hand out for him to shake. He took it with a smile and gave it a firm shake before sitting next to BB-8 and continuing to pet the dog's side as you poured the water from one bowl into the other and emptied a third of the icee into the bowl, pushing it in front of Angel who lapped it up hungrily.

"I'm Finn, if you don't mind my asking who are these?" He asked, gesturing to the two dogs. Angel lifted his head, the fur around his mouth stained bright red from the icee. BB-8 leaned over to sniff at Angel's mouth before licking his muzzle. Angel shoved his head back into the bowl to lap up the remains of the Icee.

"Well this is Angel," You said as you pulled Angel's head out of the bowl, refilling it and pushing it to BB-8. "and this is BB-8." You said. BB-8 took an experimental lick at the red substance before taking a chunk of it in his mouth and dropping it with a quiet yelp. Angel reached his nose into the bowl and you tugged him away by his collar.

"Good names for dogs." Finn said with a chuckle. You nodded and scratched under Angel's collar as BB-8 ate his share of the icee and you started on yours. "What breeds are they? I mean, I can tell Angel's a shepherd, good build on him too by the way. But what about BB?" He asked, running a hand over the dog's fur again.

"He's a giant Alaskan malamute." You said, stroking BB-8's massive head. "He's my cousin's dog he's just staying with me for awhile." You said as the dog finished eating the Icee. You used a little bit of water to rinse the bowl before refilling it with water and letting the dogs take another drink before they lay down and closed their eyes, their tails resting over the others back.

"Never seen one this big before." Finn said, marveling at how big BB-8 was now that he was stretched out to his full length. You stroked Bb-8's back with a smile as Finn pushed himself to his feet.

"Well it was nice to meet you and to talk to you (y/n) but I should be going, my lunch break isn't that long." He said with a laugh. He offered his hand to you and you took it as he helped you up. You bid goodbye to him before packing up the bowls and untying the dog's leashes, beginning the trek home.

As you neared your house you could see the familiar black charger in your driveway and felt your heart sink. He wasn't going to be happy that you weren't there when he got there. Your grip on the leashes tightened and BB-8 immediately sensed your tension, raising his head in alert as he stopped his panting. His tail was still as the three of you approached the house. Angel recognized the scent on the wind and let out a low growl.

You snapped Angel's leash back sharply and he stopped his growl, but not before BB-8 picked up on his body language and pulled his lips back in a snarl, pushing his way ahead of you and walking stiff-legged as you reached the end of the driveway. Hux threw the door open to his car, walking towards you.

"Why the hell did you leave?" He snapped. You paused and BB-8 walked to the end of his leash, ears shoved forward as he let out a harsh growl. Hux paused when he saw the large dog, beginning to skirt around him but BB-8 continued following to stand between you two no matter where he went.

"So you go out and cheat on me then?" Hux snarled. You narrowed your eyes and tilted your head. What was he talking about?

"Don't play dumb, I saw you with that guy, talking up a storm. What were you even talking about (y/n)?" He snapped. He couldn't have been talking about Finn, how would he even know you'd been talking to him unless,

"Were you following me?" You asked. Hux took a bold step towards you but BB-8 lunged forward with a throaty bark, Angel close behind. Hux stepped back to a safer distance as you walked forward, walking a large circle around Hux to keep BB-8 and Angel far enough from him that they wouldn't injure him.

"Good thing I was. Now I know my girlfriends a lying whore." He said harshly. You shook your head with a scoff. Hux glared at you over the dogs as you slowly backed towards the house, pulling BB-8 and Angel with you. Hux crossed his arms and let you go before you reached the house, closing the door and stroking the dog's heads.

"Good boys, good dogs. Thank you." You said as tears pooled in your eyes. You stood straight and the dogs walked into the kitchen. You were about to follow them when the door slammed open behind you. You whirled around only for Hux to push his way in and slam it, pinning you against the wall and kissing you harshly.

"I thought I was a lying whore." You said quietly when he pulled away.

"You are. So I should remind you who you belong to." Hux snarled, pulling away and trying to shove you to your knees again. You let out a cry and BB-8 came barreling in with a loud bark. He stood on his back legs, planting his paws on Hux's shoulders and shoving him back. Hux managed to catch his balance, holding BB-8 back as the dog snapped at his face, jumping and pushing Hux back against the wall. Angel ran in barking and nipping at Hux's feet. You pushed the door open.

"BB down." You said. BB-8 immediately dropped to the ground with a growl, backing away from Hux as you gestured to the open door. "Get out Hux. I don't want to see you again." You said quietly. Hux made a move to step closer and you flinched as BB-8 growled. Hux pointed a finger at you as he walked out the door.

"You'll come running back. You're nothing without me and you know it." He said harshly. You closed the door and sank to the ground as BB-8 and Angel licked the tears from your face as BB-8 pushed his way into your lap.

You sat and cried quietly as the dogs fell asleep. You found yourself wishing you weren't as alone, even though you had the dogs. You wished you had Ben, he was after all your best friend. But he was across the street and probably wanted nothing to do with you.

"(Y/n)?" Ben asked quietly, poking his head through your door. It had been a lazy weekend and you were taking a nap while your parents ran errands. Ben must've used the spare key. You opened your eyes to see him wearing a red t-shirt and black jeans as he walked into your room and kicked off his shoes, climbing under the covers with you. After being friends for six years this wasn't uncommon.

"What is it Ben?" You asked as you rubbed sleep from your eyes. As your vision cleared you could see the dried tear tracks down his cheeks and sat up. Ben took a deep shaky breath before answering.

"It's my dad." He said. You were fully alert now. Han Solo was a good hard-working man, but he was tough. You'd never heard him tell Ben he loved him, never heard Han call Ben son, and Han never acknowledged Ben existed when you were there with him.

Tears started flowing down Ben's red cheeks again and you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders, pulling him against you. Ben buried his face in your neck, wrapping his arms around your waist and squeezing you so tight you felt your back pop.

"Benji what happened?" You asked, using the nickname that never failed to make him laugh. Ben took a deep breath and pulled away, wiping his nose on the inside collar of his shirt.

"He left." Ben said quietly. Your face must have given away your confusion because he went on.

"The bastard just picked up and left us. He left mom a note, basically said 'I'm leaving don't come after me.'" Ben hissed through his teeth. You pulled his head back against you, running your fingers through his hair.

"Who does that? Who just leaves their old life like they didn't even care?" Ben whispered in pain. You shushed him and Ben pulled you closer, wrapping one leg over yours to try to pull you closer to him as he let out another sob.

"He just left." Ben muttered into your hair. You shushed him again and rubbed his back comfortingly, sliding one hand up his shirt and gently dragging your nails over his skin. He loved when people scratched his back and you hoped it would help him calm down.

"It's alright Ben. You still have Leia, she won't leave. I won't leave you. It's ok Ben." You said. You heard Ben's cries quiet as he drifted off. You slowly started to drift off as well, the last thing in your vision being Ben's red T-shirt.

You suddenly shot to your feet. You needed someone and the only one you could think of was Ben. You crept to the window, peeking out and seeing no sign of Hux you left your house and walked across the street to knock on the Solo's door.

Leia answered with a tired look on her face, but still giving you her kind smile. Her hair was down and flowed around her shoulders as her eyes sparkled. She pulled you into a warm hug before pulling away, holding you at arms length as she looked at you.

"(y/n) dear it's been so long since I've seen you, how are you doing?" She asked as she led you inside. You answered quietly, ignoring the twinge of the bruises on your ribs as you walked. You glanced around the living room, the familiar comfort of the Solo household washing over you.

"Mom who is it?" You heard a familiar voice ask. You looked to see Ben walking down the hall in nothing but a pair of gray sweatpants. His hair was ruffled and he hadn't shaved that morning. He looked at you with a mix of confusion and what looked almost like anger.

"Oh." He said quietly. Leia seemed to sense the tension and excused herself, saying she was prepping for dinner and rushed back to the kitchen. You cleared your throat and gave Ben a small wave. Ben continued his walk down the hall until he was standing close enough in front of you that you could count the moles on his face.

"Hi Benji." You said. Ben flinched at the nickname and looked down at the ground between his bare feet. He glanced back up at you and swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing in his throat.

"Hey." He said quietly. You reached out and brushed your fingers against his. He reached his hand forward and held your hand. You felt as if the weight of the world was lifted from your shoulders with that simple movement. You let out the breath you'd been holding and Ben took another step closer.

"How've you been?" He asked quietly. You shook your head and leaned into his chest, letting more tears fall from your eyes. Ben slowly wrapped his arms around you, rubbing your back as you wrapped your arms around his waist and cried into his bare chest. Ben rested his chin atop your head and felt his own tears pooling in his eyes.

"Everything hurts Ben." You whispered. Ben pulled you away and leaned down slightly to look in your eyes, brushing your (h/c) hair out of your eyes. You looked at him, then to the kitchen to make sure Leia wasn't watching, and pulled your shirt up just high enough for him to see the fading bruises on your stomach.

Ben immediately dropped to his knees and pushed your shirt up higher. He stopped before it revealed the bottom of your bra and examined the black and blue marks that were tender to the touch. He ghosted his fingers over them and you flinched.

"(y/n), did, did Hux do this?" He asked as he stood and pulled your shirt back down. You looked at the ground and nodded sheepishly.

"I-I left him, Ben please don't be mad at me." You pleaded. It had become second nature to beg for forgiveness for everything. It had saved you a few times. Ben tilted your head to look up at him, at the tears dripping down his red cheeks as he pulled you into a hug.

"Why would I be mad at you, this wasn't your fault." He said quietly as he led you to the couch. He sat and you sank into his lap, holding him close as you cried silently. It meant the world to you that Ben, your best friend, told you it wasn't your fault.

Ben sat and held you tightly. He seemed so calm as he rubbed your back, his lips pressed against the top of your head comfortingly. He had to put on a front for you, but inside was a different story. Inside Ben was seeing red. Hux's red hair as he punched him in the nose. He wanted Hux to know what it felt like to be hit, to beg for something that he shouldn't have to beg for. He wanted Hux to know what it felt like to have the person you love hurt you.

But Ben couldn't do that, so he'd settle for breaking his ribs.

#Ben solo #ben solo x reader #x reader #reader insert #ben x reader #mondern!ben solo #modern!au #guitarist!ben solo #ben solo fic #ben solo imagine #empressrenwrites

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historytaker · 4 years

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Tears for Chris

#chris cornell

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careycuprisin · 6 years

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Mudpocalypse, the Sequel: Bighorn 2018 race report

https://youtu.be/_z-igfDoaug

Running a 100-miler is an exercise in narcissism.

Everything is about you — your feelings, your problems, your grit, your triumph, or your defeat. It’s like being Donald Trump, but for a limited time. Most ultrarunners are crazy, but we’re otherwise contributing members of society who care about other people. We would get creeped out if the narcissism of the 100 didn’t end quickly after the race was over.

So as I get day-by-day further out from my Bighorn finish, and as my legs slowly recover and I regain the ability to get in and out of my car without groaning, it’s nice to feel the narcissism of the race slipping away. It’s time for me to do the dishes. It’s time for me to feed the cat. It’s time for me to go to work. Others make demands of me again, like in normal life. It’s a good feeling.

Only one more bit of narcissism is left: this race report.

The start,waving goodbye. I’ll see you at Dry Fork!

I knew from my past attempts at Bighorn that it would suck and that I wouldn’t enjoy it. So I needed as many things to motivate me as possible. Chief among them was that if I finished, I wouldn’t have to come back next year to do it again. But also, I held out the hope that I might be happy. I thought about the two years of Bighorn swag in my closet — t-shirts, socks, windbreakers — that as a DNFer I hadn’t allowed myself to wear, and thought I’d be happy putting that stuff on. I thought about the big belt buckle, a staple of 100-mile races, and how good it would feel to own one of those like most of the people I hang out with in my running club. I thought of all the people who encouraged me and how they’d be happy to see me get this done, and how that would make me happy also.

I started the race determined that nothing that happened in the first half would matter at all, vis-a-vis my happiness at any rate. I would just focus on steady progress, ignore my splits, stay as warm and dry as I could, and remember to eat and drink. No highs or lows. So when the rain started I said “Meh.” When it became obvious that the trail conditions would be exactly as shitty as last year, I said “Meh.” When it started hailing, my answer was “Meh.” There was a brief moment in the climb up to Jaws when I thought about how good my feet were feeling that I slipped a little and felt a little bit happy, but I caught myself quickly and went back to “Meh.”

Arriving at Jaws in the rain I was a bit wet and cold, but nowhere near as bad as last year. I was generating heat and was far from hypothermic. I had been running with a cheap ($4.50 at REI) poncho instead of a jacket as my rain protection, and it had been working beautifully. Although I took a good long time at Jaws to change clothes and to eat and drink, I never considered dropping. After all, once I left that aid station it would be the Second Half of the race, and as such I could allow myself to be Happy. I was lucky enough to be getting the chance for an almost exact do-over of the 2017 conditions at Jaws, and I was doing everything right this time.

Next, I slayed the bad memories of 2016 where my race basically came apart below Spring Marsh on account of profound exhaustion. My trip from Jaws to Footbridge this year was slow because of mud, but I was feeling steady and moving well, passing a lot of people. I had a brief physical low point just before the aid station because of nausea, but I got into Footbridge suspecting that for the first time at Bighorn I was going to be able to run the rest of the course back to Dayton. I was happily surprised to see Joe C. from the Salomon Run Club crewing for Eric L. in Footbridge, and happy to see Eric run through in the lead of the 52-miler. Go Eric!

As I headed out, I briefly asked an aid-station worker what the cutoff time was at Footbridge, just to get an idea of how far in front of that I was. Here’s what I remember her saying: “Ten a.m. here, and 3 p.m. at Dry Fork, then three more hours to Dayton.”

I was nowhere near the cutoff time in Footbridge. An inconsequential bit of chatter, it seemed.

Several times during my weekend in Wyoming, the question came up of whether Bighorn is worse in the hot years or in the wet years. My own opinion is that both are very bad, without advantage to either one. The heat will kill you in a cardiovascular way, bleeding your energy, making you slow. The mud will kill you in a musculoskeletal way, beating you up, making you slow. There have been no easy years in my three trips to Bighorn, and I have enormous respect for anyone who’s done it in either kind of year. I’m very willing to argue about this with anyone, so hit me up if you disagree. I love to argue.

Back to the action. I managed to get up the Wall in good shape. It’s a brutal climb period, but especially brutal at mile 70 when it’s coated with mud. I got to Bear Camp and just continued rolling - a bit more hiking now than running, but that’s to be expected at that distance.

Another quick aside: I give the award for the Best Mud to the 50-yard section just to the Footbridge side from Bear Camp aid station where the mud was mid-calf deep. It was simply the most spectacular mud on the course. Texture, color, quantity and quality. Anyone has a problem with that, you can take it up with my manager. I don’t want to hear it.

So at this point, I’m moving well (enough), I’m Happy, I’m done with the Wall. What could go wrong? Well, sprained ankles, bear attacks, bees, diarrhea, lightning, chafing… OK, a lot could go wrong, but that’s not what did go wrong.

I kept looking at my watch and thinking about getting to Dry Fork before 3 p.m. As I got slower, it started to grow as an Issue. My sleep-deprived mind slowly became consumed with calculating how many minutes per mile I would have to run in order to get to Dry Fork before the cutoff. And remember how that aid-station person back in Footbridge said that I had three hours after the Dry Fork cutoff of 3 pm to finish? Or, at least, remember that that’s what I heard her say? (She may have said no such thing.) Well, it started to dawn on me that I’d need more than three hours to run from Dry Fork to the finish.

My mind was thinking like this: “It usually takes me just over three hours to run from the start of the race to Dry Fork going uphill, but that’s when I’m trying not to run fast because that’s stupid at the beginning of the race. So now I’ll be going overall downhill (faster), but it’s at mile 80-something (slower), but I’ve got more distance to run along that stupid flat road to Dayton (slower), and I’m no freak like Alberto who will be putting down 9-minute miles on that road after 95 miles (slower), so UNLESS I GET TO DRY FORK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, I’M SCREWED AND I WILL MISS THE CUTOFF AT THE FINISH.”

So here I was, having done so well through this whole race, at a time when I should have been feeling Happy about finally finishing Bighorn and never having to sign up for it again, at a time when I should have been feeling grateful for being able to do this (if not fast than at least respectably well), at a time when the clouds were thinning and the sun was peaking through and I could take off all the wool layers I’d put on at Jaws and revel in the crisp mountain air… Instead I was convinced that I was running too slow, that I had to run FASTER, or it WILL HAVE ALL BEEN FOR NOTHING. No buckle, no celebration, no congratulations, no hundred-mile burger at the Sun, no wearing the Bighorn socks, and the worst thing: having to decide whether to come back for another attempt next year.

Let me tell you that these thoughts made my very Not Happy as soon as they entered my mind. “This is a shitty situation and I would rather not be in it” was how I put it to myself.

The weather at Dry Fork on the way out reflects my Not Happy feelings on the way in.

Now let me explain why all of this is somewhat funny, if also sad and pathetic. I knew that the overall cutoff time for Bighorn is 34 hours. The race started at 10 a.m. the previous day, so any adult human who could add and subtract would know that 24 hours from the start was 10 a.m. on the second day, and that 34 hours from the start was 10 hours past 10 a.m. on the second day which would be…. 8 pm. The number of hours from the 3 p.m. cutoff at Dry Fork to the cutoff at the end of the race is therefore 5 hours. Even if I scraped out of Dry Fork at the very last second I would have five hours to get to Dayton. Not three. Five whole hours. More than enough time. And I was going to get out of Dry Fork before 3 p.m. so I’d have even more buffer. Missing the cutoff time was never a real danger.

THIS is where a pacer would have been helpful. Someone to do this basic math for me and tell me to chill out and enjoy myself.

If I had not been afflicted with end-of-hundred-mile-brain, I would have noticed things around me and realized my mistake. No one at Dry Fork, when I got there, seemed desperate to get out, as I was. People on the trail were chatting with their pacers and weren’t weeping softly as I felt like doing. “Why are these people not worried about the cutoff?” is what I should have asked myself. Instead, I assumed the worst of them (a weakness of mine) and chalked it up to them not caring. I figured they all knew they would be cut off but because they were probably so earnest and uncompetitive, they didn’t mind. I told myself that they hadn’t chosen to drop because they were stupid and satisfied with merely ‘running it in’ to ‘challenge themselves’ even if everyone in Scott Park would have packed it in and left by the time they got there. “These back-of-the-packers just plod along for vacuous reasons and I despise them because they have no competitive fire and they live for participation trophies. They all suck.” What can I say, I’m a misanthrope and that comes out at the end of 100-mile races, who knew?

The ironic thing is that I was the stupid one; the only person who was wrong about the cutoffs. Also ironically, at the same time that I was showering contempt on my more-functional race-mates, I was the one throwing in the towel. Because I ‘knew’ I wouldn’t finish, I took time to sitting on the side of the trail, contemplating the beauty of the Bighorn Mountains but also feeling sorry for myself. I walked when I could have jogged and jogged when I could have run.

Even when I got to the Tongue River Road and the last flat 5 miles of the race, I just plodded along, hoping that my wife and dog would have realized that I failed and would have driven out to pick me up in the car. Even when I saw Heidi and Pele, I didn’t notice that they were happy, I was just disappointed that they were there without the car. I kept walking, and walking, surrounded by other runners, feeling Not Happy. It’s hard to believe now, but I got to Dayton and took Pele at the corner of Scott Park and jogged along the fence with people cheering and complementing Pele (“Beautiful dog! Nice pacer!”) and ran around the corner and under the big FINISH banner, and still thought I hadn’t finished. Heidi said she’d go pick up my buckle and I said “Great, if they’ll give one to you.” She came back and handed me a buckle and a finisher’s hoodie, and ONLY THEN did I start to get a little suspicous. “The cutoff time is 8” she said. “Huh,” I said. “Well then, I guess I finished.”

Pup licks! Along the Tongue River Road at mile 98.

Finishing Bighorn with Pele.

Now that it’s been a few days, the intellectual knowledge that I actually finished Bighorn has finally set in. But the emotional satisfaction hasn’t arrived yet, and I don’t know if it ever will. Emotions aren’t rational after all, and I wonder if spending those final hours of the race feeling that I failed are replaceable by feelings of Happiness and Satisfaction just because my intellectual brain knows I finished.

At any rate, I am happy that I don’t have to sign up for the Bighorn 100 again. I’m still kind of a cranky grump about 100s generally and I’m not excited to ever do another one. However, the Bighorn 18-mile sounds FABULOUS! I think it’d be fun to run from Dry Fork to Dayton down that beautiful huge hill feeling fresh and able to run fast. Or even the 52-miler, a good solid day in the mountains for sure, but nothing too crazy. Getting this 100-mile monkey off my back feels great; like I again have no obligations in mountain running and can pick and choose what I choose to do because it sounds fun. And if it doesn’t sound fun, I can say “Nah.”

These are the same pair of shoes from the starting-line picture above. Now destroyed!

The 100-mile buckle!

#trailrunning #bighorn100 #rockymountainrunners #wyoming

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