#google why does this 100% straight girl make this face at the thought of seeing her best friend again?? confused

[blackbloodedisabel]

the SMILE?? I know What you are Nyssa of Traken

[erwinsvow]

𝐚𝐨𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨

note: part two to the college headcanons! part one can be found here! i had a lot of fun writing these and i hope everyone enjoys them :) teacher/student dynamic warning for zeke and hange's, and i guess bullying for annie's :/

𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐨 𝐠𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐝

the very definition of kind-hearted frat boy who doesn’t fit the stereotype he’s been assigned at all

starts off with accounting before realizing he hates math, moves into business management and marketing

the linkedin profile is absolutely popping, 500+ connections and details about every club and organization he’s ever been a part of

the friend that helps everyone find internships and fixes their resumes while offering helpful advice and not being condescending… anyways so that’s how you meet porco

he works at the career center 100% and does various coaching/prep help, and you, pieck’s friend, are in desperate need of an internship

so you’re complaining to your friend as usual, when she tells you to stop by the building and ask for a “pock”

so you do just that, walking in and asking for “pock” and porco is a little stunned by this pretty stranger calling him by a nickname reserved for his close friends, and even then he just barely tolerates it

but he doesn’t want to correct you, especially since you’re being so sweet and he can tell you need some help

so a meeting at the career center slowly turns into facetime calls to review applications and last-minute edits, stopping by your dorm to help you fill out paperwork and walking together to mail it out

i have a feeling porco doesn’t wanna be too forward, and he thinks he’s being very aloof and casual, when he really just seems oblivious

and you cannot tell for the life of you if he likes you or he’s just being friendly since you’re close with pieck

finally after you land the internship and won't have your normal excuse to spend time with him, you get the guts you've been searching for

you tell him about the position later in the day, stopping by the center for hopefully the last time

"by the way, my number's on my resume if you're ever gonna ask me out."

leaves pocky-boy flustered and red and scrambling to ask you out, and you have been happily dating since

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫

oh boy

conny is a very typical college kid in the sense that he will sleep through every 8 am class he has, blow off class to go wait in line for the nacho bar, and has adopted the mantra ‘c’s get degrees’

but he is an extremely lovable education major with a focus in history

rarely seen without his shadow sasha, but now that she started dating niccolo, she thinks that conny could use a relationship too, and that it might do him some good to be with a funny, down-to-earth person

thus begins the most grueling two weeks for every girl on campus, as sasha hunts down girls that she thinks would be a good match for her best friend

this includes airdropping a photo of conny to the lecture hall with the caption “would you date this man? serious inquiries only”

creates a fake tinder complete with a google form to narrow down the options

however, none of this is necessary because sasha bumps into you in the smoothie line and causes your triple berry blend to go flying

she helps you clean up and idle conversation leads to you talking about dates and so forth

“well, i’d love to set you up with my best friend? how do you feel about a blind date?”

yes, conny met you, the love of his life, on a blind date set up by sasha with a stranger

it’s one of those funny stories that people don’t believe when you tell them, because how ridiculous is that, but you both think it’s perfect since you get along so well and it made all the waiting worth it

bonus: double dates with sasha and niccolo! fondue night at their apartment, going to the arcade and having to lug up sasha and her food baby while niccolo parks the car, just overall a grand time :)

𝐳𝐞𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐫

zeke yeager, ph.d. started his new job at university with one rule in mind: absolutely no illicit affairs

he also coaches the club baseball team, because why not get involved on your campus

he really believes that he’s gonna stick with it too, despite the overwhelming number of students who come to his office hours with questions that his less handsome teaching assistants could answer

but no, he doesn’t want to earn a reputation as that professor, and so he heads into the new semester with absolutely no lingering thoughts of an exciting little dalliance to get him through the monotonous days

he knows his huge lecture classes would always come with a few pretty students, but it’s the smaller, upper-level psych class he’s teaching when he meets you for the first time

zeke has you all figured out, or so he thinks. sitting in the front row, raising your hand for questions he wasn’t expecting anyone to actually have an answer to, neatly handwritten notes in a color-coded notebook. he wouldn’t peg you for the type to jump and take the risk by starting a relationship with a professor.

but he soon realizes that he didn’t have you as figured out as he thought he did.

you avoid the gaggle of freshmen during office hours by scheduling meetings instead, sometimes right before class, coming to him with two cups of coffee and a wide smile that actually had him fooled into thinking you were here for academic reasons

this facade quickly fades though, because after a semester of interactions with you and getting more and more comfortable with each other, to the point where coffee orders are memorized and it’s zeke rather than professor yeager, you’ve had just about enough

he knows he’s fucked when you come visit him at practice for the baseball team, bringing him a drink and engaging in conversation while the players watch their coach flirt with you

he’s especially fucked when he realizes he’s looking forward to practice just because there’s a chance you’ll stop by on your way to your next class

you submit your final paper early, nearly a week before it’s due and of course the first in the class to do so, and waltz into his office the next day with another steaming cup of his favorite drink

“you submitted your paper pretty early, you know.”

“i know. i also know that it means i’m not your student anymore, so if you were going to make a move, now’s the time.”

no, he definitely had underestimated how much he knew about you.

𝐦𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐬𝐚 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧

mikasa is a forensic sciences major and is still debating on the minor- she’s torn between criminal justice or history like armin.

she loves her major classes, but she just wants something else interesting to look forward to as well, so armin suggests sitting in on a couple classes early in the semester and getting a taste for it.

so you don’t really think twice when she claims the empty seat next to you on the first day of classes, smiling politely and paying attention to the professor. you do notice, however, that she’s not writing anything down or looking at the syllabus, leading you to strike a conversation on why that is.

she explains herself and then before you even know it, the lecture ends and you spent the last forty minutes talking to mikasa about anything and everything.

she’s sitting in on another class tomorrow, and absent mindedly invites you to come along, to which you agree all too quickly, because why wouldn’t you

numbers are exchanged, times are fixed, and mikasa leaves wondering why she’s so excited at the idea of sitting with you in class again.

you two hate the history class she had chosen, with the professor droning on and on and you being focused entirely on the conversation you’re having with mikasa

until the professor kicks the two of you out for not shutting up, that is

you’re both laughing hysterically once you reach the hallway

“i’m gonna have to discourage you from doing that history minor if that’s what all the classes are like.”

“well, i have to do criminal justice so we can have that class together, anyways.”

𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐭

true to form, annie goes into one of the most difficult majors: cheg. definitely flies through intro courses with straight As and minimal effort, but that’s also mostly because all she and bertholdt do is study

reiner tries his hardest to get her to go to a party every once in a while, but usually to no avail because she always has an exam to study for

you’re a tutor, and honestly, you’d say you were pretty good at your job. you can answer questions and explain reasonings fairly well to confused students. but when annie comes to your office hours with some complicated problems and she’s asking for explanations that you just don’t have, you literally feel your face burn with heat for the entirety of the time she’s there

long story short, your first encounter is embarrassing, to say the least. you’re stumbling over words as you try to look through your old notes and piece together an answer for annie, who you cannot even look in the eyes.

anyways, she leaves eventually and you want a hole to open in the ground and swallow you up, but at least she won’t be back next week, right?

wrong.

miss leonhart doesn’t know how to express her feelings any better than you, so her way of flirting is spending time with you in the tutor center as you fail to answer her questions time and time again

you want to scream at her to stop coming because she and you both know you’re not helping either of you with this

but also you really don’t want her to stop coming because you don’t have any other ways to see her outside of class

both of you reach your wit’s end on the same day, her coming to you with the absolute easiest problems she could find in the textbook, and you with every intention of asking her out to dinner

she opens her book, and you reach and close it quickly

“unless this is the only way you know how to flirt, something has to change now.”

𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐳𝐨𝐞

dr. zoë teaches, just, way too many classes

we’re talking multiple chemistry labs and upper-level research courses as well

you’re just a ph.d. student doing rotations as per usual, and you’ve heard the comments from students senior to you about dr. zoë, who makes every student in rotation say hange instead of the formal way you’re used to

you’ve heard everything from crazy to genius and everything in between

what you weren’t expecting was… so good looking, and young? and comforting? and talking about all the things that you didn’t have the guts to bring up with other people, like how you always feel a little left out in the field and that you think no one cares about your research interests that much—a lot of stuff that you find yourself pouring out to hange on your very first day in the lab

you’re wondering why it’s so easy to talk to them, and why none of the other rotations ever felt this comfortable

and then you realize you’re spilling your guts to someone who probably doesn’t even care, and has way more to deal with on their plate than a ph.d. student with imposter syndrome

so you’re apologizing right after you’ve finished, when you’re met with the warmest look and a reassuring hand on your shoulder

it’s so easy to fall after that, with weekly meetings and regular check-ins, and you know it’s wrong to have this strange crush on your superior, but hange really feels like the one person you can count on here

you hide the crush in favor of getting the mentorship you desperately think you need, but it’s not long until you’re onto the next rotation and the next lab’s work is even closer to the stuff you love

you hate the way you feel, that you’re not gonna have any reason to keep in touch and you never even got to explain how you feel about them—and that you didn’t even get to experience hange’s energy because she was always listening and helping you out

it’s not until you get a text the night before your first day in the new lab from hange, filled with reassuring words and asking for a coffee date later in the week to talk about how it goes, that you realize just how well hange understood you

𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫

last but not least, miss pieck is double majoring in french and public health

absolutely obsessed with her majors and loves the subjects, but works herself to death to keep up with it all

you don’t even realize that the pretty, studious girl you’re seeing in the library all the time is the same girl you spot with some of your friends from class

pieck is as oblivious as they come. you invite her on study dates after you two are introduced by reiner, invite her to get coffee after a particularly late night of studying, pretty much start spending most of your days together

you can’t help but be disappointed that pieck doesn’t see you in that way, because you’ve slowly been falling head over heels, but you accept that maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, and you still love the friendship you two have

it takes a while for things to click for pieck, but they do right as the semester eases up

once exams are over, you two decide to go to these famous parties porco and reiner never stop talking about

it’s not the usual scene you’re comfortable with, but what’s wrong with letting loose a little, especially after midterms? no harm in having fun, right?

wrong again! you definitely get plastered way too quickly, and eventually pieck takes you to a room to settle down

drunk confessions of love aren’t usually the way to go, but you can’t help but reveal everything you’ve been feeling for the last few months when pieck is taking care of you in your current state

you definitely wake up hungover and ignorant to last night’s shenanigans, but you’re in your dorm, with a bottle of water and ibuprofen on the nightstand, phone plugged in and shoes off

pieck comes back with breakfast, coffee and your favorite pastries, and checks up on you

“so.. about last night..”

“i’m so sorry, did i throw up on you?”

“no, but you did say you were in love with me. was that just a drunk thing, or is it a sober thing too? because i think i’m in love with you too.”

[love-fireflysong]

It be June 3rd now, and would you look at that, the second of my prompts is already up! Who’d a thunk it? Anyway, as successfully guessed by the lovely @torahime here is 5 + 1! And as by the nature of this trope in general, this one ended up long. Like crazy loooooooong. (Also I’m a moron who didn’t understand what the prompt meant for like a week. I kept trying to figure out what the hell the number six had to do with anything, and when I finally googled it out of desperation, all I saw were the words ‘five times’ in the first link and I immediately felt ashamed of myself. I should have known. Why didn’t I know?)

Anyways, you can read the long-ass fic in question at ao3 over here: Do You Ever Wonder What Could Have Been? You can also read this one under the cut, but considering the length I wouldn’t recommend it asdhaskdjh The next one should be much shorter due to the fact that like the first one, I blanked for ideas completely lol.

Do You Ever Wonder What Could Have Been?

Trope: 5 + 1 Fandom: Until Dawn Characters: Ashley Brown, Chris Hartley, Josh Washington (all the other kids also make an appearance but due to them only having like one scene and a single line each I’m not tagging them) Words: 12733 Rating: Teen (though I think I’m being pretty damn generous with that rating tbh) Authors Notes: Yes you’re reading that word count right. Almost thirteen thousand words. Don’t ask how I managed to write this in 5 days, I have no fucking idea. Just take this fic about two nerds being morons in love and mutually pining over each other for six. fucking. years.

Chris is fourteen and so goddamn tired of this stupid crush on his best friend. It's been a whole year now since he met her, and he hates that this stupid, silly, little, crush of his hasn't abated at all. He doesn't even know why he likes her in the first place! It's just Ashley after all, there is absolutely no reason to feel this tongue-tied around his best friend. It's Ash: with her braces, arms always full books (when her head wasn't buried in one that is), stringy red hair, wide green eyes, who sometimes snorts when he tells a joke, freckles that dot her nose and shoulders and—

Okay, he was maybe getting a little side-tracked here. The point was, there was 100% absolutely no reason to feel this way about her. In fact, he bets this was all Josh's fault in the first place! Yeah! That was it! None of this would be happening if Josh hadn't basically kidnapped Ashley from her true home in the library and forced him to meet her! 

...But then he wouldn't have met her. And stupid crush aside, she is pretty much the only girl he knows who laughs at all his jokes and helps him with his English homework sometimes. He likes knowing her and likes being her friend even more, he just doesn't like liking her. And maybe that was it? Maybe he just likes Ashley cause she's the only girl who willingly hangs out with him and Josh, and isn't Josh's sisters. 

And that's what he's going to prove today once and for all. He heard from Josh that Hannah was absolutely adamant that everyone was going to play spin-the-bottle at her and Beth's birthday party in a couple of days. And that everyone meant not only the people that the twins invited for said party, but also the people that Josh invited over (ie: Chris and Ash) so he would have some company during the twins big b-day bash. Chris was going to find Ashley and explain that losing their first kiss over a game like spin-the-bottle was just so not cool, and that maybe kissing each other first would just be a way better and smarter idea of doing things. And once he kissed her he would finally realize that yup, Ash was just one of the guys and that was so fucking gross and they were totally never ever going to do that again.

Perfect idea. Fool proof even. No way that this was totally going to backfire into his face. Absolutely none at all!

So when he finds Ashley sitting and reading under her usual tree just outside of the school, he is so sure of the success of his ingenious plan that he brings it up right away. 

"I think we should kiss before Hannah and Beth's party."

See! Right away! Straight to the point. He has got this shit in the bag baby!

Ashley looks up at him, clearly a little startled from reading her book and squints at him. "Huh? Chris? Is that you?" For a second he's a little confused about how Ash doesn't even recognize him, but then he quickly realizes that he's probably got the sun directly at his back so she can't see him clearly and he awkwardly shuffles to the left a little so she can see him better. "Oh! Hey Chris, what was that you said earlier? I got so absorbed that I didn't really hear a thing you said, sorry." While she doesn't close her book, she does give an embarrassed little laugh that makes his stomach flip-flop just a little and starts to weaken at the cracks of his once fool-proof plan.

He finds himself messing with the strap on his bookbag as he tries to ignore the butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. 'Um, I asked if you were going to the twins' birthday party this weekend." Okay, falling a little behind schedule now, but it's fine. No problem.

"I mean, I wasn't exactly invited, but yeah. A whole night of graphic horror movies to drown out the sounds of screaming pre-teens. I honestly can't think of a better way to spend a Saturday night." The absolute dryness of her tone has Chris smiling.

"Oh come on Ash, it's not gonna be that bad."

"Our choices are either to hang out with a bunch of kids who have basically never talked to us ever, or watch Josh's disgusting horror movies Chris."

"Well, I mean, when you put it that way...actually, no. The screaming pre-teens sound like a safer bet honestly." The little snort of laughter she lets out only has Chris pushing the butterflies down harder. God, he is going to be so glad when those stupid things finally leave him alone. "And well, from what Josh said, it sounds like horror isn't the only thing planned for that evening."

"It isn't? You mean he's actually opening up to other movie genre options? Shocking. I truly never thought I would see the day."

"Ha, I wish. Nah, I was, um, talking about what the girls—well, what Hannah wanted to play. Actually." Great. And now he's starting to blush. Really keeping with the rails of his plan there!

"What Hannah...? Oh! You're, uh, talking about the spin-the-bottle game." Ashley brings her lower lip into her mouth and pushes some hair behind her ear. "Yeah, Josh mentioned something about that."

Perfect, one less thing he had to explain. That would speed things up immensely. "Honestly, between you and me? I think it's a stupid idea."

Ashley nods her head vigorously in agreement. "I know right! I mean, who wants to kiss some stranger over a bottle of all things? Can you imagine losing your first kiss to some person who probably doesn't have a single idea who you are in the first place? God that would be awful." Oh man, things are lining up right for him! Ashley's even on the same page and this next part is going to be so easy— "That's why I asked Josh if I could kiss him first instead when he told me a couple of days ago."

Wait. Waitwaitwait wait . She already asked Josh?! "Oh, wow. You were, uh, really thinking ahead there huh?" God, he could feel every ounce of determination he had slowly deflating out of his body. There was no way he could ask her now, absolutely no way! Ashley was gonna think that Chris wanted to kiss her—or worse, liked her! And okay he kind of did, but this was supposed to prove the exact opposite. That this was just stupid hormones and puberty really messing with his life and not something else.

"Of course, there was absolutely no way I was gonna have my first kiss with some popular buttface who was just gonna make fun of me behind my back afterwards. Better to have it with Josh, who would also make fun of me, but at least it would be to my face." Ashley starts to return to her book, flipping a page but stops halfway through. "Wait. Were you going to ask me the same thing?" She sounds a little unsure and a little of something else he can't place right now because he's too busy trying not to panic. 

"What? No! God no! Of-of course not!" Oh god, was his voice seriously choosing to crack now? He really, really hoped that the shade being cast from the tree was enough to hide how red his face was. He needed to get out of here and quick .

"I-I-I mean, it's not like it was good or anything—"

"Think I should probably go now anyway."

"It was, like, really wet and-and-and like so bad. Super awkward honestly."

"Lots of things to do. Lots and lots of things to do in fact!"

"I mean, we could still, uh, k-k-kiss? If you want to...?"

"Nope!" Chris was honestly looking everywhere except at Ashley right now, which was fine because she was currently in the middle of trying to hide behind her book. "There's absolutely no reason to do that. Because, because... I already kissed Josh too!"

"...you did?"

"Yup! Totally did. Just came over to see what you had planned to do about it actually. And because you're so much smarter than me, you had totally already done the same thing. So no reason for me to still bother you after all! None whatsoever! So I'll just let you get back to your book. And the battle between the uh, vampire and the, um, cowboy? Riveting stuff I bet."

"Um, yeah. But—"

"I'll just, uh, see you tomorrow then, I guess. Bye!"

Chris thinks he catches a wave of disappointment flash across her face when she returns his farewell, but he's already basically fled half away across the yard to find Josh so he doesn't think about it too much. And it turns out that Ashley is right, kissing Josh is wet and pretty fucking awful in the end. Which should only prove his idea that kissing her would have been just as bad and awkward.

So why does he feel like it would have actually been the complete opposite?

"I'm going to fail."

Ashley rolled her eyes as she struggled not to laugh. "Oh my god, you're not gonna fail Chris."

Chris didn't even deign to raise his head from where he had face-planted it into the open book only moments before, letting his words come out muffled and flat. "I am Ash. I am going to bomb this exam so hard that they're gonna make me repeat ninth grade."

Ashley groaned, but it was more of an attempt to hide her amusement than out of any exasperation, as she tried to lift Chris back into a sitting position and wasn't laid out prostrated over the table. "Okay first of all, get your dumb face out of that book. Ms. Norman is not gonna be happy with either of us if she discovers your drool all over the pages of the only half-decent copy of Lord of the Flies that the school library has." Once she finally has finally managed to prop Chris into a halfway decent sitting position, she moves the book closer to her in case he decides to try smashing his face into it again. "Second of all, I'm pretty sure that the school's not going to make you repeat the grade just because you failed English, your grades in everything else are high enough that they'll definitely pass you. That, and there is no way that the teachers would let Josh move on to high school of all things without supervision."

"...That is a scarily good point."

"And thirdly, there is absolutely no way I would be able to get through the next four years of school with you in my grade," she teases him with a poke in the arm. "I mean can you imagine? Having to go to class everyday knowing you're going to be there with me? I can't think of anything more terrifying honestly."

Chris gives a startled laugh. "Gee, thanks Ash. Really appreciate that vote of confidence. Making my self-esteem soar over here. And also, I for one can think of something way more terrifying."

"Really?" Ashley says as she crosses her arms across her chest and levels him with a disbelieving look. "Well go on then, try me. Cause I can promise you that there is absolutely nothing more terrifying—"

"Me and Josh in the same grade as you."

Ashley just blanches. "Oh god. You're right. That is so much worse and the idea of this even happening is now going to give me nightmares for the rest of my life."

"Oh please, it wouldn't be that bad."

"It would. It so would. And to prevent this we need to double down on you studying for your English final so that this cataclysmic event never occurs."

It's Chris's turn to roll his eyes as he slumps down even further into his seat. "That's what I was doing earlier until you stopped me."

"What? Planting your face into the middle of the book?"

"Exactly. Decided to try out a new method cause the other one wasn't certainly working. Learning by osmosis."

Ashley shoves her face into the palms of her hands to try and stop her giggles. It didn't work, not by a long shot, but it at least smothered them a bit. "You can't just read a book by trying to absorb it into your skin, that's not how things work at all!"

"And how would you know that Ash? Have you ever even tried?" Chris scoffs.

"Of course I haven't you dork! I haven't tried because that's not even possible!"

 "Um, sounds to me like someone just isn't open to new ideas."

"Oh my god. Can we please get back to studying and making sure you don't fail. I for one would really like to get back to that." Ashley starts to put the copy of the book back between the middle of them where they can both read it easily. "Okay, so chapter eight is where the divide between the boys finally reaches a boiling point after seeing the 'monster' on the mountain in the last chapter. They argue over whether Ralph should still be left in charge and Jack leaves in a huff."

Chris groaned as he tossed his glasses onto the table so he could throw his arm over his eyes. "Starting to think that Jack has the right idea here." he grumbled.

Ashley ignored him. "Some of the other boys follow after him and form their own tribe with Jack as its chief further down the beach. As a group, the hunters then fall into a savage frenzy when they go hunting and kill a sow, with Roger dealing the killing blow."

"By driving his spear into the thing’s ass," Chris helpfully supplied.

Ashley sighed. "Yes, by doing that. Good to know you're at least remembering some things, but do you remember what happened next?"

Though she couldn't see with Chris's arm in the way, she knew that he was narrowing his eyes in concentration. "Ummm, they... eat the pig?"

Ashley groaned and fought very hard against the impulse to smack her forehead into the center of the table. " Chris . "

"What? Do they not eat the thing? I mean, why even hunt it if they're not gonna eat it?"

"Chris, what they do next is the lead up for what is often considered the most important scene in the entire book! How can you not remember?!"

"I don't know Ash! Kind of think I was distracted by the whole 'shoving a spear into a sow's anus' part!"

"They leave its head on a stake in the jungle as an offering to the beast! This is what creates the Lord of the Flies that Simon sees later that night!"

"Oh right, that. Yeah that sounds a little familiar now that you mention it."

"A little—" Ashley stops fighting against the earlier urge and places her heavy head into her hands in despair. "You literally had to read this book last month! How could you have forgotten so much already?"

Chris groans and drapes himself over the back of his chair. "This is hopeless Ash. I appreciate the help I really do, but I think it's time we face the inevitable and just take a page out of this book."

"What, I stick your head on a pike and be done with you?"

The snort that Chris makes in surprise is enough to bring a tired smile to Ashley's face. "Leaving you to deal with Josh alone? Ha, you wouldn't. Nah, I was talking about just making an offering to the exam gods out there. Think they'll be the best bet I have to pass this shitty ass final."

Ashley removes her head from her hands to give him a withering look. "If we're going that route, you want a kiss for good luck too? Probably work just as well as those gods of yours."

There's an awkward pause, and at first Ashley can't figure out why but then the words finally hit her. She feels her face start to burn and she places her head back into her hands so she doesn't have to look at Chris anymore. Oh god, she can't believe she just said that. Why would she even say that in the first place?! It's a damn good thing that Chris isn't wearing his glasses right now, the heat from her face alone is making her feel like she's about to combust as it is, and him seeing that would probably push her over that physical boundary.

"I-I mean, if you think it will help..." Chris sounds almost bashful when he says it and Ashley snaps her head to him in shock.

"I—" Ashley isn't quite sure what she's trying to say, and is interrupted when her phone buzzes with an incoming text message. She immediately jumps up from her chair and starts grabbing at her things. "Oh man, that's probably my mom here to pick me up. I should really get going."

"Uh, yeah. Yeah! No reason for me to stay if you aren't so I guess I should head out too." Chris starts picking up his stuff too, putting his glasses back onto his face as he shoves his books into his bag.

By nature of having brought less than Chris to help him study, Ashley finishes cleaning first but doesn't leave right away. Chris had said it was fine after all. And sure, maybe he was just desperate for anything that will help him pass his final, but he said it would be fine. So steeling herself, Ashley leans down and leaves a quick but chaste kiss on Chris's cheek.

"For luck!" She manages to squeak out as she all but runs out the doors of the library to the school's entrance where her mom will be waiting for her, too scared to even look back. 

Chris should have known that something was up the moment Josh brought it up: 'Hey, how about you and Ash hang out at my house this weekend instead?' Innocent sounding sure, but he really, really should have known better. Josh never pushed for hang outs at his place, it had always been an agreed upon rule that Hannah and Beth got their place, while Josh preferred to host their get togethers and his and Ash's own houses. It was just the thing that was done and everyone had been more than happy with how it was. Had it been any other time, Chris would like to think that he would have totally seen right through Josh's plan and offered up his place instead.

But Josh's parents were almost never around either, and that meant staying up late and talking and goofing around without parents warning them to go to sleep. Which most importantly meant staying up late and talking to Ashley, because that hadn't been a thing that the three of them had been able to do a whole lot recently. It was still so weird not seeing Ash around in the school halls, not being able to hang out at lunch, and not meeting up after school all the time. It felt like there was something huge missing and it bothered him (just as much as it bothered Josh, not that he would ever say anything about it). The two of them wandering the hallowed halls of high school while she was still stuck back in their middle school just felt so wrong .

So when Josh had brought up a weekend hang out, Chris (and Ashley) had accepted right away. Which, judging from the fact that Josh had somehow managed to weasel the two of them into playing a game of Truth or Dare with him, had been a huge mistake.

"Well, well, well. It seems the time has come. So let's get on with it shall we?" Josh rubbed his hands gleefully together in the dim light of the bedroom (for atmosphere he had claimed) as the three of them sat in a circle. A seemingly innocuous plate of cookies sitting in the middle of them, and knowing better then to trust Josh, both Chris and Ash had been eyeing the cookies warily for the past few minutes. Not that Josh seemed to notice or care of course. "Seeing as I'm the one who set up elegant little ritual—"

"You forced us into playing a stupid game dude, there's nothing elegant or ritualistic about it."

Josh ignored him, unsurprisingly. "I'll go first of course. So Ash, truth or dare?"

"What are the cookies for Josh?" Ashley asked nervously as she continued to eye the plate instead of answering him.

"That's not important. And anyways, it's my turn Ash. So I'll ask again: truth or dare Ashley?"

Ashley raised her eyes from the plate to transfer her nervous and mistrustful stare to him. "...truth," she answered slowly.

"Oh ho ho! So truth it is! Well then Ash, tell me: have you got any secrets you've been dying to share with us?"

Chris could immediately tell that the question had hit a sore spot on some sort, shoulders locked and her body stiff. "You know I'm not gonna answer that one. Pass."

Josh shook his head, a devious smile on his lips. "Nope. Nuh uh Miss Brown. That's not how this game works. If you're gonna pass then I'm gonna have to ask that you take a cookie in return."

"...I'm sorry, what? "

He waved a hand down towards the plate of cookies. "These, my dearest chums, are the fabled Truth or Dare cookies. Anytime one of us refuses to act out what is asked of us, we must then take a cookie in penance."

At first, Ashley doesn't move. She continues to dart her eyes suspiciously between Josh and the plate of cookies, but eventually slowly does reach out and hesitantly grab a chocolate cookie from the plate. She holds it up closer to her face to investigate it further, and Chris watches as all the tension she had stored up just evaporates from her as she physically deflates. "Oh my god, are you actually being serious right now Josh? ‘Dare’ brand cookies? Really? Why in the world are you trying to be so ominous when you went with a pun as lame as using Dare cookies in a game of truth or dare?"

"Wait, really?" Chris reaches out to grab one for himself but Josh smacks his hand away with a grin. 

"So sorry Cochise, but these are only for if you refuse. And trust me, you don't want to refuse." Josh turns back to Ashley. "Oh, and don't eat that just yet." 

In response, she just shrugs and leans back, but keeps the chocolate crème filled cookie in her hand as she looks between Chris and Josh. "It's my turn now, right? Okay, so—"

Josh cuts her off. "Nope, still mine. Now, Chris—"

"What? That's not how this stupid game works Josh!"

Josh waves her off. "You didn't answer my question Ash, or eat the cookie, so it's still my turn."

"But you just told me not to eat the stupid thing!"

Josh ignores her as he keeps his attention squarely on Chris. Who, to his own shame, has begun squirming in his seat in dread of what's going to come. "Well, Chris: truth or dare?"

Chris tosses the options over in his head. Both are terrible obviously, but playing this game with Josh of all people never ends well, so he decides to go with his gut instead. "Dare."

"Ooooh, feeling a little gutsy are we? That's fine, I can work with that. I dare you to... return the favour and do one thing you've been thinking about alllllllll summer."

Personally, Chris is finding it a miracle that he hasn't reached over and tried to strangle Josh yet, but he has a feeling that has more to do with the fact that he's trying not to shrivel up on the floor and die than out of any mercy. Even though Josh for some reason worded it in a really convoluted way, he just literally dared him to kiss Ash. It was so obvious that he was frankly amazed that Ashley hadn't figured it out yet.

Because of course he still thought about that kiss for good luck that Ash had given him in the library. He thought about it nearly all the damn time! Hell, Chris was pretty sure that the reason he had even passed his final even a little bit was because of the kiss. Not because it was good luck or anything, but because whenever a question appeared on the exam that asked about the themes or some shit about Lord of the Flies, he kept getting sent back into that library where Ashley had been drilling the same stuff into him just before she had kissed his cheek.

And there is absolutely no way that he's gonna kiss Ash in Josh's bedroom. No way in hell. Especially not when it's gonna reveal that he had been thinking about what was more than likely a super innocent and helpful gesture on her part.

So glaring at Josh, Chris reaches forward and without a word grabs a vanilla cookie. And for some strange reason, this only causes Josh's smile to widen. "I see, so that's what you both went with huh? Anyways, I think it's about time you take your 'reward' and chow down!"

Exchanging a confused look with Ashley, Chris nonetheless shrugs and pops the entire thing into his mouth and bites down.

And realizes in a horrifying instant that this is not a vanilla cookie.

There's a flash of light that blinds him for a second, and when the spots clear he sees Josh holding a camera and laughing his ass off.

"What the—? Is this fucking mayo dude?!" And it must be, because this is not what a vanilla cookie should ever taste like. While the cookie portion itself is okay if not a little soft, the crème is way too oily and eggy to be anything but mayo. Josh doesn't answer his question right away, but that's from a combo of laughing way too hard and being distracted by Ash trying not to retch in the middle of the bedroom floor.

"Oh my god! You put soy sauce in a cookie?! What is wrong with you Josh?!" She's up in a second and rushing to the garbage can near Josh's desk, and Chris is quick to join her in trying to spit everything out. "I'm never going to get this salt out of my mouth! Why would you even do that?!"

"Cause it's fucking hilarious that's why!" Josh is still laughing as he takes a look at the picture he took on the camera, and starts laughing harder. "Oh fucking hell, this was glorious. Oh wasting those two questions just for this picture was so worth it. Best decision I could have made!

"Now you two get your asses back over here! I spent hours on these cookies after all, and I am not letting them go to waste. We've got hours my friends, and so many questions and dares to get through."

Chris shares a look with Ashley over the garbage bin, both of them now obviously wondering if keeping their own secret had been worth having to eat those cookies, and if they still would have passed their turn knowing what exactly laid in store for them. While he certainly couldn't say a thing about her, Chris wasn't so sure if not kissing Ash and enduring all the fallout that would have resulted in was worth the terrible combination of vanilla and mayo in his mouth. He supposed he would never know, it was too late to simply retract his pass after all.

And well, he really didn't want to kiss Ash when she had just been tricked into eating a bunch of soy sauce.

You know, Ashley kind of figured that once she entered high school all of these stupid games would be done with. Surely high schoolers were too mature and too old to be playing childish games like spin-the-bottle or seven minutes in heaven? And yeah, obviously Chris and Josh weren't, but that was them and they were in a class all their own. But Hannah? And Sam and Beth? She would have thought that they were way too cool to be playing spin-the-bottle of all things, especially Beth.

And yet, here Ashley was: squeezed in between Matt and Sam as Matt spun the bottle around on the now extremely sticky hardwood floor. She wasn't stupid, she knew the entire reason the game was even being played in the first place; Hannah had been making eyes at Mike all through the evening and well into the game after all. She just didn't think that anyone else would have been stupid enough to go along with the game when Hannah suggested it. 

(Ashley knew very well why she had reluctantly agreed to play, she just didn't know why anyone else did.)

Though to be fair, it didn't seem like the game was gonna last much longer anyway. Emily and Jess had started scrolling through their phones ages ago, showing each other whatever was on the other's screen every few minutes and the two of them laughing. Mike had been tapping a really off-rhythm beat on his jeans with the straw from his can of soda and staring into space, while Hannah stared lovesick at him . Beth was starting to doze on Sam's shoulder, not that either seemed too concerned about it, and Sam was nervously eyeing all the spilt pop and chips around them that they were gonna have to clean up before they went to bed. Unsurprisingly, Chris was also scrolling through his phone, snickering every now and then as Ashley felt her phone buzz in the pocket of her hoodie whenever he sent whatever it was that he found funny to her and Josh. Josh meanwhile, had joined Matt in building a rather shaky—if not impressive—tower out of discarded plastic cups, straws, and paper plates.

Ashley yawned behind her hand as the bottle slowed it's spin. She had been ready to drop out of the game a round or two back, but hadn't yet because she didn't want to deal with the others teasing her on being a sore loser who backs down the moment the bottle didn't land on the person she wanted it to. Which would lead to Chris asking who it was even though everyone else already knew who because it was glaringly obvious to everyone except him. The sound of the bottle stopping its spin managed to get everyone's attention as they looked at the neck of the bottle pointed squarely at Mike. 

Everyone made the expected ' oooooooh ' and wolf whistles that everyone always did in this game, though quieter than they might have usually. Bob and Melinda were sleeping upstairs after all, and the last thing any of them wanted to do was wake them up and have them discover that despite it being nearly three in the morning, that the ten of them were still awake as the snow storm raged outside the lodge. Nonetheless, Matt and Mike both rolled their eyes and leaned over Josh who sat in the middle of them with a groan. Mike also didn't hesitate to take Matt's face into his hands and just plant one firmly on his mouth with no fanfare, other than the continued wolf whistles of course, and the two of them settled back down to their previous antics. 

With that done, Ashley stared down nervously at the bottle. Once again, she felt the words stick in her throat. It would just be so easy to say "Oh man you guys, it's really late, I should really just go to bed" but let them die without a fight as she swallowed nervously and gave the bottle a hard flick. She knew exactly why she let the words die, and it wasn't solely because of what the others would say, though that was certainly a large part of it. No, it was because of the same glimmer of hope that sparked in her everytime it was her turn at this stupid game. That maybe this would be the time that the bottle would land on Chris, that she would finally get that kiss she's wanted for three years now.

She watches the bottle spin around the group, slowing its motion every full spin, and she notices that Chris has turned his attention away from his phone to watch it almost as nervously as she is. Which should probably make her question just why Chris is as just as invested on who it's gonna land on as she is, but she's kind of distracted right now by the fact that her heart is rapidly picking up pace in direct contrast to how much slower the bottle is getting. And feels it stop almost entirely when the bottle begins its last revolution and she knows. She knows . It's finally gonna land on Chris. All these years of playing this stupid, stupid game and it's finally happening.  

Ashley's eyes shoot up to meet Chris's over the bottle, but that's also when the lodge suddenly plunges into darkness just before the bottle stops on him.

Immediately, the others are screaming next to her and the tower of cups and plates fall with a soft clatter.

"Oh my god! What the fuck was that?!"

"Holy fuck! Can you guys see anything?"

"Of course we can't see anything Michael!"

"It's probably just the storm you guys. Settle down."

"Can you guys please quiet down? My parents are sleeping and they're gonna kill us if they find out we're still awake."

Ashley isn't yelling though, because she's too busy screaming internally. There is no way that this is actually happening right now. There is no goddamn way. The bottle finally lands on Chris and the power goes out? Because of some stupid storm? She wanted to scream. She has half a mind to reach out and hold the bottle in place so there's proof of this when the power comes on, or to just jump over the distance and kiss Chris anyway. She knows exactly where he is after all, and he must have seen it land on him. He must have, right? It's that little second of uncertainty that decides for her, there's a sound as someone gets up and the flat 'thunk' as they accidentally kick the bottle across the room.

"Shit. My bad. You guys stay here, I'll go and check out the back-up generator in the basement. You coming, Cochise?"

Ashley can hear Chris awkwardly and quickly getting to his feet. "Um, y-yeah. Right behind you, bro."

The two of them walk away leaving Ashley to sit on the floor about to scream from the frustration of it all. And she does scream that it is, though not from almost having the perfect excuse to kiss Chris, but from someone touching her shoulder.

"Sorry, sorry!" Sam apologizes. "You were so quiet Ashley that I got nervous. I know that you're scared of the dark and I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Oh, yeah. That's right. She was so preoccupied with the dark ruining what was almost going to be the highlight of her entire year , that she kind of forgot that it was, well, dark now. And once that realization hits her, so too does the fear that she's sitting in absolute darkness and can't see a single thing other than the lights being cast from everyone’s phones. That she has no idea what else—or who else—is out there. She frantically reaches out and wraps up Sam's arm in her own for a physical reminder that there is someone else she trusts in the darkness with her.

"Wait, you're scared of the dark Ash? Shit. Here, just give me a second." From next to her, Matt rustles in his jacket pocket and brings out his phone, turning it on and casting light around the room, and reflecting off the plastic bottle that Josh had accidentally kicked to the other side of the room. "Hope this helps a bit."

Ashley lets out a breath and a small smile. "Yeah, it does. Thanks Matt."

"No problem. Hey, I think I may have a funny video saved on here somewhere. Pretty sure I downloaded it so just give me a moment." He finds the video quickly enough, and while Ashley doesn't find it particularly as funny as he clearly did, she does appreciate the effort anyway.

Thankfully for everyone, the lights come back on soon enough. Though whether from the power coming back or the back-up generator activating, she isn't sure. It is enough to convince everyone that maybe it's time for bed though, and no one asks about her spin and who it landed on, which Ashley is both insulted for and thankful of in equal measure. Sam unfortunately reminds everyone of the mess they've all made of the great room though, and that they should all clean it up before Bob and Melinda wake up and find it, which Hannah and Beth eagerly echo, and so does Josh when he makes his way back up from the basement with scowling Chris in tow.

Thankfully, between the ten of them, the clean up takes very little time and they're all on their way back to their own rooms in record time, even if Ashley was too embarrassed to even look at Chris now. God, she couldn't believe that she had seriously considered jumping him! And for what? Just because some bottle told her to? Oh man, she never would have been able to live that down. She still spends more time then needed to get ready in the bathroom, and then laying in bed with her lamp on in the hopes that maybe Chris will knock on her door to confront her about the spin and ask for that kiss.

While the fact that he doesn't make an appearance doesn't surprise her, it's still a little depressing. 

Chris is going to kill Josh. He is going to kill him . And he means it this time. Years spent watching Josh's horror shit and listening to Ash go on and on about her mystery novels should have given him a real edge actually. He can murder Josh violently in the way that the weirdo would probably like to go and then Ash can help him get rid of the body so that no one will ever know it was him. Easy.

You know, assuming Ashley is still gonna want to even associate with him after this.

"You feeling okay, Chris? You're starting to look a little red... and surly."

"Yup, I'm fine. Just peachy in fact." Chris takes another swig of the punch that has somehow not been spiked yet, and tries to plaster a smile on his face for her only to once again start looking over her shoulder. Not that there's anything interesting over her shoulder of course, unless one finds a group of football seniors trying to play a game of chicken in the middle of the dance hall interesting, but it's easier than looking straight at her. Not because she looks terrible of course—good god is that not the reason—but because she is way too fucking gorgeous for him to handle right now.

When Chris had decided to invite her to his and Josh's grad thing, it had just been a way for all three of them to hang out and enjoy their last year of high school together. School rules dictated after all that for some stupid reason, graduates weren't allowed to invite anyone who wasn't in school anymore so Ash wasn't going to be able to ask them to hers next year. Which was complete and utter bullshit of course, but that was beside the point. It was supposed to be a fun night... and then Chris's parents found out. And being the complete pain in the asses they are, they insisted that if Ash was going to this party with them, and it was a formal party, then they needed to make this proper. So against his wishes and leaving Chris wanting to die, they went and found out what colour of dress Ash was going to be wearing and got him not only a matching tie but a fucking corsage to go with it! The only thing that had made all of that even a little better, was that they had forced Josh to go along with it so at least he wouldn't be alone. 

But then Josh had showed up not wearing his stupid tie and without the fucking flowers. And despite Chris's repeated protests that he didn't want to do the whole matching thing, especially if Josh wasn't doing it, his parents still made him do it anyway, saying all the while that 'it would make Ashley happy, you do want to make Ashley happy don't you?' And now here he was, sitting with Ashley at their table while she wore his stupid flowers on her wrist and his tie matched her green dress.

He hated how fucking obvious his crush was s0 much.

"...It's because of what everyone's been saying isn't it?"

At the dejected tone of her voice, Chris immediately snaps his full attention to her, leaving his glass of punch forgotten as he flaps his hands around in an effort to not reach out and grab at her hand. "What? No! God no! That isn't it I swear!"

Ashley sighs sadly as she looks glumly down at her lap. "It's fine Chris. I can understand if it's making you uncomfortable."

Chris takes one of his ineffectually flapping hands and makes to run it through his hair, before remembering the amount of gel he had put in it before coming and rubs at his eyes beneath his glasses. "I'm serious Ash, that's not it. I was honestly just thinking about the different ways I'm going to murder Josh when he gets back."

She laughs a little at that, and turns to look out into the direction of the buffet table, as though she'll be able to see Josh coming back with their food through the literal sea of people. "He has been gone a while hasn't he? He left like twenty minutes ago and he still isn't back. Do you think he even went to the buffet table in the first place?"

"He better have. Him coming back with food is probably about the only thing that's going to stop me from murdering him honestly."

Ashley laughs a little louder, and when she pushes a stray strand of hair that had come undone from her simply styled updo, Chris catches the while flowers on her wrist and feels his stomach flip pleasantly. "Any particular reason you want to kill Josh this time?"

"I mean, I have plenty but let's just be honest with ourselves here: do either of us ever need a reason to wanna kill Josh, Ash?"

And there it is, the surprised snort he was waiting for and that just made this entire evening a little more bearable. "God, you're not wrong." She follows his eye line to the corsage on her wrist and just like that all levity to the situation is gone as she hides her hands back in her lap under the table. "...you're sure that you're okay with what everyone is saying though?" she asks a little nervously.

Honestly? No, he isn't. Ever since the three of them walked into the party, everyone they had talked to right away had noticed the matching colours and the corsage and all comments had been the same. 'Fucking knew that there was something going on between you two' and 'Hey, it's about fucking time' or 'Always knew that you two would be good together'. It had been bad enough realizing that apparently almost everyone he had ever spoken to even a little bit had known of his super obvious feelings for his best friend, but the absolute worst thing had been the pained but polite smile that Ash had forced onto her face every single time.

"Honestly, I'm never going to see most of these people ever again once I graduate." He's avoiding the question, and he knows that she knows that he's avoiding the question. "But you're probably gonna have to deal with people brining this stupid thing up for the entire next year. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. It's not like this is something I don't deal with already." She says it with a little shrug and smile, but Chris can feel his heart sink anyway. How long has she had to deal with the bullshit that his stupid crush has caused her, and why had she never told him? It's way too late to try and fix things, but he can at least hopefully try and stop any further comments from coming, so he lets his fingers fly to his tie and starts to frantically undo it. "...What are you doing Chris?"

"Wondering why on earth I let my parents talk me into this. This is obviously making you uncomfortable and I should have taken this stupid thing off ages ago." His fingers keep catching on the knot and he lets out a fairly explicit curse under his breath.

Ashley's eyes go wide with realization. "Oh!" She instantly flips over her wrist and starts fumbling at the clasp of the corsage with her other hand and Chris finds that his heart has somehow managed to travel all the way from the bottom of his stomach straight into his throat. Abandoning his only partially undone tie, he lays his hand on hers to stop her.

"You don't have to do that." She's staring at their hands in wide-eyed shock, and his breath catches. "Not if you don't want to, that is. It-it looks good on you."

"Okay," she whispers softly, eyes still wide as her fingers leave her wrist, "I can leave it on."

"Only if you want to though." When the hell did his mouth get so dry?!  

"I do," she looks up to him when she says it, and the earnestness of her smile bowls him over. "I really, really do." In an effort to try and distract himself from her smile, he starts fumbling at his tie once again and he catches her eyes flickering to it. Ashley's smile somehow only brightens as she laughs at him. "Here. Let me give you a hand with that."

She scoots her chair closer to him and he removes his hands from his tie so she can take over. The two of them say nothing as she places all of her attention on continuing to loosen the knot, while Chris tries his absolute hardest not to swallow...or breathe...or do anything at all really, as he just stares down at her in awe.

Once the knot is finally undone, Ashley slowly pulls the entire length of fabric from his neck and places it on the table, before putting her hands back where they were so she can carefully smooth out his shirt collar. And when she looks back up at him with a smile, he can feel the entire world stop as they just stare at each other and Chris slowly starts to close the infinitesimally small distance between them. And he's probably just imagining things, but he thinks that she's doing the same thing as well.

"Jesus Christ, sorry it took so long you guys. Line for the fucking food was longer then you would believe!"

The two of them fly apart so fiercely, that Chris's entire chair manages to tip over backwards and send him to the ground with a loud clatter. He can feel everyone's eyes on them and the murmurs that follow, and he hopes that they're mistaking the redness of his face for the embarrassment of falling out of his chair. Yeah, that's a story that's going to make the rounds before he graduates for sure.

"Shit, you okay bro?" From his spot on the floor, Chris watches Josh place a couple of plates absolutely piled high in food on the table and reach down to help him up with a laugh. "Oh hey, I see you finally decided to take off that stupid tie too. Surprised it took you this long honestly."

Chris accepts Josh's hand up. "Yup, me too." He hopes and prays that Josh just thinks that the absolutely breathless and stunted quality to his words is that he's just a little winded from the fall. Once he gets his chair back up and sits back down, he grabs at the tie to shove it in his pocket. He notices that Ashley is refusing to look at him as she digs out a couple of sandwiches from the miscellaneous pile of food, even as she fiddles with the strap of flowers on her wrist for the rest of the meal.

He's exceptionally thrilled to note that she does keep the corsage on the rest of the night though.

Five times. That's how many times her phone has gone off in her pocket. Five. Times. And every single time Ashley lets out a sigh of relief when the buzzing finally stops, it goes off again only seconds later. And checking the caller id the first couple of times only showed that it was Josh calling her. Normally Ashley liked to think that she would have answered her phone if it was literally anyone else, but this was Josh. He called for every little thing after all; from letting her know that he saw a super big dog on the way home from classes to informing her that he was out of chips and if Ash could pick some up on her way to meet them from her job then that would really just be swell. And considering that he and Chris were supposed to meet her and grab a bite to eat together while she was on her lunch break, he was probably just calling to let her know that they had just left, and to make a milestone out of every block closer the two of them got so she could greet them with all the pomp and circumstance he likely thought he deserved. 

Though to be fair she probably would have answered her phone after the third ring, if only to tell him off, but Jared had been giving her a stink eye from his office pretty much since she had arrived so she hadn't.

So she let it buzz...and buzz...and buzz. Until finally, her phone stopped yet again and she tensed her shoulders ready for the next round of vibrations to start. But there was nothing. Nothing but blissful silence coming from her pocket and she let out a huge sigh of relief as Ashley got back to work shelving some of the new stock, letting Kyrstin and Curtis deal with the short line of customers that had begun to form as they bought their books and whatever little trinkets littered the entire front of the store.

She hoped Chris and Josh got here soon, she was overdue for her lunch break and the smells coming out of the nearby food court were calling her name. Particularly the chinese place, she had been craving them for the last week at least . Plus, Jared had been raking her over coals about how her availability was going to drop dramatically once she started college in the next couple of weeks, and one of the creepy regulars had followed her around the store for-freaking- ever (she's pretty sure he had been staring at her ass the whole time too honestly) until Curtis had basically shoved her into the back room to let her escape while he covered for her. And surprise surprise, Jared hadn't been too thrilled about her 'abandoning her post' and yelled at her about that too. 

Whoever said that working in a bookstore was a lazy job where she got to read books in her free time was a dirty, rotten liar. It was hell on earth and she was going to slowly tear the fingernails off whoever it was that said it (even though she had a sinking feeling it had probably be Ashley herself that said it back when she romanticized working in bookstores when she was, like, ten ). God, she really really needed that Chinese if she had any plans of surviving the last four hours of her shift.

The phone at the front desk behind her begins to ring, but a quick backwards glance has her realizing that with poor Curtis trying to deal with an older woman who is adamant that the book he's trying to sell her is the wrong one because she is 'positive that the book had a light purple cover and this one is lavender, that is two different colours and I want the right book now ' and Kyrstin being forced to deal with the rest of the line herself, that Ashley's the one who's going to have to answer the phone. With a groan of resignation (she hated answering the phone at work but Jared was in a horrendous enough mood as it was), she stood up and made her way over, repeating the greeting she was going to have to say over and over in her head so she (hopefully) wouldn't mess it up. And taking a deep breath, and repeating the greeting once more in her head, she forced a smile to her face as she picked up the handset.

"Hi! Thanks for calling—"

"Fucking finally Ash."

In an instant, Ashley could feel every ounce of nervous energy violently expel from her body as she nearly doubled over with another groan, this one entirely of exhaustion. She took quick glance over her shoulder, but Jared seemed to busy with another phone call in his office thankfully. "What are you doing Josh?!" she whispered angrily, "I'm at work right now you moron!"

"Uh yeah, I know. Why do you think I called you using this number?"

Ashley gave Kyrstin an apologetic and pained smile when she looked at her curiously, who responded with a good-natured shake of her head and a laugh under her breath as she turned to help the next customer. "Well, you didn't have to call here."

"Kinda did, Ash. You kept ignoring me."

"I was ignoring your calls you butt, you could have just texted me instead you know."

"Hmmm, no. Anyways I tried calling to tell you that Chris and I might not be able to meet up with you for lunch."

Ashley felt disappointment flood her entire being. "Oh. I see. But you really could have just—"

"We're at the hospital while Chris gets some x-rays done."

Immediately any disappointment fled her body as Ashley all but collapsed on the counter for support as her legs gave out on her. "Is he okay?! Oh god, is he okay Josh?!"

There's a pause on the phone and all Ashley can hear is her own blood pounding in her ears. He has to be okay. He has to be, he just has to be!

"I dunno, it was a pretty gnarly fall. Don't know if he'll ever truly recover, there was a lot of screaming after all."

Ashley doesn't even respond as she slams down the phone and turns to Kyrstin and Curtis who are looking at her in shock as her entire world falls to pieces around her. "I-I have to go. Chris is... Chris is..." she can't get anymore out with how it feels like someone is ripping her heart out of her chest. "Josh said he's in the hospital and...and..."

Curtis nods quickly as he runs to the staff room, and Kyrstin just starts shoving her towards the door as they all ignore the customers who are standing around awkwardly. "Go. We got this."

Ashley turns her head towards Jared's office. "But I gotta—and, and I need to grab my stuff—

"Nope. You go. Curtis and I will figure something out, and Becks arrives for her shift in another half hour. We can manage just fine until then. You just get out of here right now."

Ashley doesn't try to fight anymore than that, not with how hard she's fighting to hold back breaking down in the middle of the store after all. Curtis meets her at the entrance with her bag and shoves it into her arms. "Do you need me to call you a taxi, or give you a ride, or anything? Kyrstin can drag Jared out of his cave if she's gotta." Next to him, Kyrstin nods furiously in agreement.

Ashley has never loved anyone as much as she loves her coworkers in this instant. "No, my-my mom gave me the car for today."

With that little bit of approval, and a random customer shouting ‘I hope he's okay hun!’ at her, the two of them shove Ashley into the mall itself and the very instant she crosses that threshold she takes off running, shoving her way through people and nearly falling down the stairs in her effort to get to the parking lot as quickly as she can. She is so, so glad that her mom basically forced the car on her today instead of letting her take the bus as originally planned, she doesn't know how she would have lasted if she'd had to wait for a taxi to arrive and pick her up.

As it is, once she's finally (and somehow safely) managed to arrive at the hospital and found a spot to park, she's nonplussed about the fact that she didn't leave any imprints in the steering wheel from how hard she had been gripping it the whole drive over. She fumbles with the clasp on her seatbelt with shaking hands, almost bursting into tears about that fact alone, but she eventually manages to free herself and basically throws herself out of the car, only remembering to lock the door behind her when she's about halfway to the hospital doors.

The moment she bursts into the waiting room, Josh is sitting there waiting for her. He looks up at her in surprise as she hurries towards him, then down at his phone and back up at her again as he gives a low whistle. "Shit Ash, how many laws did you break to get here that fast?"

She ignores him. "What happened?! How is he?! Just tell me he's okay! Please, please tell me he's okay!"

"I mean, I suppose he's as fine as he could be considering the circumstances." He seems to sense that she's about ready to scream at him so he quickly follows up with "He's on the second floor, in room 272 if you want to see him."

Ashley doesn't even bother to thank him as she bolts to the nearby elevator, frantically pushing the 'Call Elevator' button nonstop until the door opens and then doing the same thing to the second floor button as it carries her up. Her eyes are burning in an effort to hold back her tears but she can tell that the dam is about to burst any second, especially with how long this elevator is taking to move. She doesn't even wait for the doors to open fully, squeezing through them the moment they're wide enough and accosting some poor nurse until he points her down the correct hall. She hurries the rest of the way, staring at every number on the wall until she finds room 272. And then she stops, her hand on the door knob as she braces herself for whatever she's going to find. Chris lying in bed, covered in blood and bandages with a heart monitor beeping next to him, just broken and shattered beyond all repair. With a choked back sob she opens the door—

and finds Chris sitting on the bed looking up at the ceiling bored to tears with a splint wrapped around his pinky and ring finger on his right hand.

"Finally! I thought you would never get here, so if we could just get this over with—" he looks over at her standing in the doorway shell shocked and still in her work uniform and jumps to his feet. "A-Ash?! What the hell are you doing here— Wait, did you just come here straight from work?! "

"You're okay?" Ashley hates how small her voice comes out, "You're really okay?"

"What? Yeah, why wouldn't I be? Who told you—"

Spell broken, Ashley’s bag falls from her shoulder to the ground with a small clatter and she dives towards Chris, wrapping him in a tight hug. "Oh thank god. Oh thank god. " Chris starts to return the hug, likely more than a little confused about what's going on, but she's already moved so her hands are on either side of his face as she tugs him down to her level so she can get a better look at him. Twisting and turning his head this way and that as she looks for any bruises or cuts. "Josh told me that there had been an accident and—"

"Ash!" Chris interrupts her by taking her wrists in his hands—though he winces at the pain that likely forms as a result of doing so—and speaks as calmly and reassuringly to her as he can. "Ash, it's okay. I'm fine . I promise. I just tripped earlier that's all."

Ashley takes in the sight of the scuffed up palms of his hands, and the holes in the knees of his jeans that certainly hadn't been there before, and knows that Chris is telling the truth. Though it doesn't explain the splint on his hand.

"Okay, and I might have broken my finger doing so."

Ashley just stands there so dumbfounded and relieved in equal measure, that she blurts out "Josh said that there had been screaming."

To her surprise, Chris only gives an embarrassed groan as he stares at an area just over her shoulder "God, Josh is never gonna let me live that down is he? Okay, so my finger may not have been the only thing that broke..." Confused, mainly because except for the bandaged finger and ripped jeans he seems perfectly okay, Ashley looks over her shoulder and follows his eyes to his phone laying on the counter just behind her. The screen completely shattered to hell and back with no promise of life anywhere on it. Just the dead, black screen reflecting the ceiling above on its cracked surface 

"Wait," Ashley starts to feel the relieved giggles try to break free as her nerves finally settle, "are you telling me that you broke your finger but you were more worried about your phone? "

Chris sputters as he starts to wave his splinted finger infront of her face. "I mean obviously! This doesn't cost me any money to fix Ash; that's what health care's for! But my phone? Do you know how expensive that thing's going to be to replace? How many paychecks I'm going to have to put towards it? All the money I saved up this summer for school: gone! All because of a stupid little sidewalk curb!"

Ashley can't help it, she starts laughing uncontrollably as she collapses into a nearby chair with her head in her hands. "Oh, I am going to kill Josh when I see him, kill him! And then Jared's gonna kill me for bailing at work and not telling him! God, and I just left in the middle of a rush too! Remind me to buy Kyrstin and Curtis a cake or flowers or something as an apology. Oh my god ."

"You just ditched work? Ash!" Chris falls back onto the bed as he laughs with her. "Why would you even do that in the first place?!"

"Josh told me that you were in the hospital getting x-rays! What was I supposed to think?"

Chris rubs at his eyes beneath his glasses. "I asked him to let you know that we were probably gonna be a little late for lunch while I waited to get my cast! Fucking hell, I'm so sorry."

"Am I interrupting anything or..."

The two of them turn to see a doctor looking up at them with an upturned brow, and holding what Ashley assumes (and hopes) to be the materials needed for Chris's cast. "This is Chris Hartley's room correct?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. That's me."

The doctor nods, and walks towards Chris, but stops in front of the chair Ashley is sitting in. "I'm sorry, but I will be needing that chair sweetheart." With a squeak of apology, Ashley jumps out the chair and moves back by the door so fast that she's almost certain that she had managed to teleport over there, almost tripping over her forgotten bag in the process. Red-faced, she picks it back up and goes to leave (and possibly strangle Josh violently) but is stopped by the same doctor as she sits down in the chair with a chuckle, shaking her head. "You don't have to leave if you don't want to. It'll only take a couple of minutes to get this cast on and then he'll be free to leave with you." 

Now even more red-faced (if that was even possible), Ashley just slowly shuffles over to the table where Chris's (broken) phone and wallet is, nervously fidgeting with the strap of her bag as she waits for Chris to get the cast on. Taking Chris's hand in her own, the doctor—Dr. Klorens her name tag reads—scowls at the now slightly bent fingers in the splint, which Chris only gives a sheepish shrug and smile to, and sighs as she unwraps his fingers so she can reset the splint. And Ashley blanches at the deep, dark bruises that spread all the way from the middle of his pinky to nearly halfway down his palm that she had completely failed to notice earlier before those are once again lost. 

And as promised, once the Dr. Klorens has put the cotton sleeve over his hand and trimmed it to the desired length, it only takes her another couple of minutes to wrap starting from the center of his forearm and all the way up to the center of his palm and then finally finishing with his splinted fingers. As the three of them wait for the fibreglass material to dry, Dr. Klorens goes over the do's and don'ts of cast care, which Ashley takes serious note of because she knows that Chris won't. Especially the 'do NOT get the cast wet' part, he's gonna forget about that one the moment Josh tries to bait him into another water gun fight.

"Alright, I think that's about it. Just come back in three weeks so we can do another x-ray to check and make sure that the bone's all healed up before we remove it. Just let someone know that you're done with the room when you leave, and remember to check out at the front desk." She gathers up her supplies and makes to leave, but stops to look over her shoulder at them with an amused smile on her face. "Oh, and if you two take the stairs, just make sure that you're careful. I know that we're in a hospital already, but I don't think any of us want to deal with any more tripping instances. Especially if they result in another broken bone." After waiting for Chris and Ashley to meekly agree to be careful, she finally leaves the two of them alone once again.

"Welp, that's it for my summer. 'Fraid I'm nothing but a cripple now."

Sighing, Ashley turns to Chris with a tired smile. "You are not a cripple, oh my god. You have a broken finger, you didn't lose the entire arm you dork."

Incensed, Chris waves his cast at her. "Um, do you not see this thing Ash? I may as well have. I've lost the use of two of my fingers now! Two! And on my right hand to boot. I can't hold a controller to play games with, I can't type, I can't text. What am I supposed to do Ash if I can't hold a single thing in my dominant hand anymore?"

"I'm sure you'll manage," she dryly responds. "Now come on, let's get out of here. I have to figure out how in the world I'm going to explain this to Jared so he doesn't fire me."

"Pretty sure that you should just let him if you ask me."

Ashley groans in agreement, but says "It's only another couple of weeks until college starts. Just hoping I can hold out until then, I need the money after all."

Chris lets out a resigned breath but then starts eyeing her work apron. "You got a sharpie in there?"

"Um, I think so. Why?"

"Uh, so you can sign my cast, duh. You missed out when I broke my arm when I was like nine, so you can be the first to get your name on this one."

"Trying to weasel my autograph out of me huh?" Ashley asks even as she digs through one of her pockets to pull out the sharpie in question, and joins Chris to sit next to him on the bed.

Chris laughs. "Damn, you figured out my devious plan. Thing’s gonna be worth a fortune when you make it onto the bestsellers list one day. Gonna be fighting off all sorts of crazed and fanatic fans."

Ashley shakes her head as she chuckles and writes her name on his arm, but pauses when she caps the pen. Seeing her name on his cast suddenly pulls everything back into vivid clarity, and she remembers the panic she had felt when she had thought—when she had believed —that she had nearly lost him. That this was it, that he was here one day and gone the next, and she hadn't even told him how much he meant to her. How important he was to her. She watches as a drop of water splashes down onto the cast and she finds herself wondering if there's a leak in a room upstairs.

"What the—Ash? Are you crying?"

"Huh?" She wipes her eyes, and a surprised but weak laugh escapes when her hand comes away wet. "Oh, I guess I am. Sorry about that, you're supposed to keep the cast dry and here I am crying—"

Chris places his left hand on her cheek to help wipe away some of her tears. "Oh fuck, I really freaked you out didn't I? Fucking hell. I'm—"

"Do you promise not to hate me?"

The look Chris gives her is nothing short of bamboozled. "Hate you? Ash, what's going on with you?"

"Do you promise not to hate me? Please Chris, I really, really need you to promise me this. Please . Do you promise not to hate me?" She’s fully aware that she’s practically begging right now, silent tears flowing down her cheeks, but if it gets Chris to promise then she’ll gladly throw away her pride for this one thing.

"Yeah, I-I promise. Will you just—"

Ashley doesn't give him anytime to finish his sentence before she's squeezing her eyes shut and she surges up to kiss him. She doesn't want to see his expression, not when all she wants is just to remember everything else that is happening. Remember the feel of his lips before he pulls away, and the warmth of his hand on her cheek. In fact, she spends so much time trying to memorize what she is sure is only going to be a single shared kiss, that it takes her a few seconds longer than she would like to admit to realize that Chris's hand isn't on her cheek anymore, it's moved to the back of her neck so he can kiss her back . The shock of which is enough for her to break the kiss and stare at him with wide eyes.

"Wh—" that's all she can get out before Chris is pulling her back in for a second kiss, and this time she lets her eyelids flutter close as she completely melts into, throwing her arms around his neck to hold him closer.

Ashley's not sure how long they stay like that—could have been an eternity, could have only been a couple of seconds—before they're both pulling back with their faces flushed and giggling like morons.

"Wow," Chris says after a moment, "I don't know what made you think I could hate you after that , but wow . If I had known that this would be the reaction I get, I would have broken my finger years ago."

There's something about the way he says it that has Ashley's heart beating even faster. "How long?" she demands breathlessly, "Tell how long ago?"

Somehow, Chris manages to flush even deeper. "I dunno, like... six? I guess?"

Six years. He'd had a crush on her for six years and she'd had no idea. The moment the realization hits her she starts laughing. "I knew you were trying to ask me for a kiss back in seventh grade! I should have just chased you down and given you one anyway!"

This time, it's Chris who starts laughing at the realization. "Wait, you liked me too?! Then that kiss, back in the library...?"

"You still remember that?!"

"Remember it? Ash, that stupid little cheek kiss is the only reason I passed that final I'm sure! Hell, why else do you think Josh dared me to kiss you in truth and dare?"

"What? No he didn't!"

Chris shakes his head as he moves his hand from her neck to around her waist. "He did! He told me to 'return the favour' and all I had been thinking about that summer was kissing you back. Fucking hell, I almost killed him when he pulled me away to get that generator working that winter in the lodge."

"Oh my god, I almost jumped across the floor to you that night when the power went out after the bottle landed on you."

"You didn't!"

Chris sounded so scandalized at the idea that Ashley presses her forehead to his as her smile widens, which only causes his own to widen in turn. "I did! But then Josh pulled you away and I just completely lost my nerve." She starts laughing at the next memory. "Oh god, I kept my lamp on in my room after that hoping you would stop by if you thought I was still awake."

The answering gape in shock was all she needed before she broke into more giggles. "I saw that! I don't know how long I hovered outside your door trying to work up the courage to knock before talking myself out of it. I think I just convinced myself that the outage had freaked you out badly enough that you needed the extra light to get to sleep."

Once the giggles started to lessen, the smiles on their faces did so as well, softening to something warmer and infinitely more cozy. "I almost kissed you, you know," Ashley confessed shyly. "Back at your grad party."

"Yeah, I-I almost kissed you too. And, just so you know, I wasn't lying then. The flowers looked really really good on you." 

"That's good to hear," she admits as she leans in closer, her lips brushing his so lightly it's almost a caress, "I kept them, after all."

Nothing more is said as Chris closes the distance between them again to kiss her, and even though she knows that they really should get back downstairs, she doesn't try to stop it.

They have a long six years to make up for after all.

[jaehotbuns]

high school

rating: pg - 13

word count: 7207

characters: you x mark 

genre: university!au, best friends to lovers, fluff, slight angst

song recommendation: high school - umi

summary: out of chance in your third year philosophy course, you reconnect with Mark Lee, your best friend and first love from high school who abruptly left after you two confessed to each other on your prom night. you both can’t help but fall for each other again but you can’t shake the thought out of your mind, why did he leave in the first place?

[tuesday, 4:29pm] 

Your excitement for meeting new people at the beginning of your summer semester quickly diminished as you were grouped with the worst combination of people that you could have ever imagined. Usually you didn’t enjoy group work but when your professor announced that the 10% participation portion was to write a short summary of your group’s discussion on the week’s reading and lecture, you were looking forward to hopefully making new friends and an easy A. However, once the ball started rolling on the topic for this week’s topic, your group mates started to “debate.” You didn’t know how in any context where debating included two people not listening to each other and simply saying, “I understand but…” before continuing to ignore any counterpoints of the opposition and merely restating their stance. 

While Haechan, the curly haired boy with a whiny voice was arguing with Yeri, the pretty well-dressed girl with the high-pitched voice, you slumped down into the study room’s uncomfortable faux leather swivel chairs and rested the side of your head on your hand which was supported by your elbow that was digging into the chair’s arm. Although the position was uncomfortable, at least it allowed you to direct one ear to the group and the other to the corner of the room to block out their constant bickering. You tried to interject so that you could get them to share their opinions civilly but they brushed off your attempts and continued to go at each other’s throats. So for about ten minutes you summarized their points in a Google document and your own, and then sat for the remaining time considering no one else had contributed in a thoughtful way. 

As you looked down at your phone’s time, you noticed that the fourth member of your group was still missing. You were envious of them, at least they didn’t have to sit around and listen to a verbal fight on if human beings had consciousness or not and in turn if animals had consciousness if they weren’t able to speak. Your head turned to the side when you heard the soft click of the door closing after a tall slender boy stepped into the room with a four slot case of Starbucks iced coffees in his hand and a pile of textbooks in the other. 

Haechan and Yeri didn’t notice him come in until he set the drinks down on the wooden circle table and started to speak, “sorry I was late.” He huffed as he settled down into another chair and set his belongings down on the floor, “the line for textbooks was crazy but I had to line up before they were sold out hahaha.” He laughed awkwardly as the two looked at him and shook their heads. “I got us all drinks to make up for it!” 

It seemed like they knew him before as they muttered a “whatever” before each grabbing a drink to replenish their vocal cords to continue their bickering. You looked at the boy with jet black hair, which was sticking to his forehead with sweat from his run from the university’s bookstore to the library which was a good kilometer. He’s cute, you thought as you looked at him clumsily slip his laptop out of his black backpack which matched his black jean jacket, black t-shirt, and black jogger pants. But something was unsettling about him, you felt like you’ve seen him before. 

“Hey,” you sat up in your chair and swirled your chair to face him. You introduced yourself and watched him as he jumped slightly as he furiously typed into his keyboard to bring up his lecture notes as the upright student that he was, he didn’t want to be a burden on the team although every meeting was only worth 1% out of the ten. 

He came out of his trance and turned to you and smiled, “sorry I forgot to introduce myself to you!” He gestured to Yeri and Haechan, “I already knew them so I forgot about introductions altogether haha.” His hand rubbed the back of his neck shyly, “my name’s Mark Lee, nice to meet you.” 

Your head tilted to the side in familiarity and realized why he felt familiar, “no way!” Mark also tilted his head to the side, confused at your exclamation. “Humberside High? The Mark Lee?” 

The Mark Lee who was on the basketball team and volleyball team even though he was a sophomore and didn’t hit puberty until his junior year which resulted in him as the shortest member on both teams although the players were his age or only a year older. The Mark Lee who was confident in his flute skills from touring with his middle school band but was rejected from the high school band. The Mark Lee who was sighing all day when you were trying to study from because he was rejected so you had to buy him ice cream to cheer him up. 

“How would you like your eggs?” You asked him, trying to suppress your laughter from your memories of him in high school. 

He seemed to have forgotten your inside joke as he could only answer with an “ummm…” 

Your lips pursed as you were slightly disappointed that he didn’t get the joke right off the bat, “I see your memories are just as bad as your flute skills.” You folded your arms across your chest and gave him another chance to remember, “I’m sad, looks like someone doesn’t remember me.” 

Finally you saw recognition flash over his eyes as he snapped his fingers and opened his mouth in awe before giving you the answer that you were looking for. “Cooked!” Both of you burst out in laughter and doubled over in your chairs, with the same fond memory in your minds. 

“Dang, I can’t believe it’s you,” he wiped the corner of his eye from laughing too hard and placed a hand on your shoulder, patting it as if to welcome the ensuing rekindling of your friendship. You were glad that he was still comfortable with you despite not seeing him or speaking to him for at least 3 years. “Do you remember how we’d used to go to Denny’s all the time after school?” 

You slapped him on the shoulder lightly, barely grazing him as his oversized denim jacket took the brunt of your slap, “do you not remember how much you’d embarrass me?” 

“Dang I got such a bad mark on my chem test…” Mark pouted as he gripped both sides of his marked test with his hands, his fingers making jagged wrinkles on the sheet as his grip tightened in disappointment in himself. His walking was more irregular and heavy than usual as you felt the gravel and pebbles kick up onto the back of your calves as you two walked off the school property and onto the sandy patches next to the road, towards the bus stop. 

You peered over his shoulder to see his mark and saw a bright red ‘79’ with a quickly drawn circle on it. Usually with your other friends you would roll your eyes and say “that’s a great mark, if that’s a bad mark what does that make me?” But with Mark you knew the high standards he put on himself despite juggling AP classes and two sports teams. And telling him that would only guilt him. He would think “I shouldn’t be complaining” along with “I’m still not good enough.” 

So instead, you decided to take him somewhere that you knew he would be at ease, even if it were only for an hour or two. “Hey, let’s go to Denny’s,” you proposed. Mark’s sad eyes left his paper and was now looking into your eyes. 

“You’re only inviting me to make me feel better,” he mumbled with pouted lips. You smiled as you saw his hold on the test sheet weaken. 

“Well, it always works,” you replied before snatching the paper out of his hands and folding it neatly so that the two ends lined up. “You can always do better next time! For now let’s enjoy the rest of the day.” You went around to Mark’s back to open up the largest pocket of his backpack to slip in the test and out of the corner of your eyes you saw his lips curl into a smile as he placed his hands into his pockets. 

Due to his mark that fell below his standards, Mark’s pace was slower and that meant the two of you took longer time to make it to the bus stop. When you heard the sound of an engine behind your heels, you knew the bus was approaching. You and Mark were still approximately 100 metres away from the bus stop and had to make a run for it unless you wanted to walk 30 minutes to the restaurant. 

Without warning, you grabbed Mark’s hand and pulled him in the direction of the bus stop. Although for the first few seconds you were dragging his much taller and lanky body, he got the message and matched your pace to dash for the muted yellow bus that was about to pass. Your eyes were straight ahead and determined to make it on time, but as Mark ran behind you with his arm outstretched in yours, his eyes were smiling in crescent moons and a soft pink tint was present on his cheeks. 

Once you made it on the bus, you two plopped down on the 3rd row to the right window where you usually sat. He let you have the window seat as always, because you liked to look at the passing houses and trees and he liked to look at you smiling at the scenery. Little did he know that you could see his reflection in the window glass, grinning and admiring your face. He also didn’t know that you were smiling at his face and not at the view either. 

 Both of your hearts were still pounding from the short time of contact, but you were glad that you could use the excuse of running and being out of shape to blame your fast heartbeat. Unfortunately for Mark, he was an athlete for no justification for his fast heart rate to cover up the fact that he liked holding your hand, especially when you looked back at him to make sure that he wasn’t slowing down. When he saw the wind blow your hair back to frame your face, your bright smile, and shine from the heat; he was glad that you turned around instantly so you couldn’t see him smiling up to his cheeks. 

He snapped out of his trance when you stood up and pat his head to signal him to follow. He stood up and stepped out into the aisle so that you could step off of the bus first. Both of you thanked the bus driver and walked with light feet towards the Denny’s parking lot. They didn’t have a street entrance as usually only drunk people stumbled in from the parking lot or their Ubers, or the high school theatre kids after their performance in their parent’s cars. 

You two settled down into the booth seats next to the window, your favourite as there was a neon pink sign right above you which gave a retro feeling, and started to look through the menu. “Hmmm, I want something sweet and savoury tho,” you said as you were deciding whether to get a breakfast grand slam or tres leches pancakes. 

“We can get both and share,” Mark said, barely skimming the menu before closing it and setting it down on the slightly sticky diner table. He couldn’t stomach the sickeningly sweet pancakes and would much rather have waffles or a simple smoothie but he never minded sharing the pancakes with you if he could see your eyes light up when you took your first bite. He just hoped that you had a big appetite today so that you could eat the majority of the dessert so he wouldn’t have to eat more than half, knowing how much you hated to waste food. 

“Are you sure?” You asked with suspicion as his eyes barely touched the menu. It seemed like he only opened the menu to wait for you to make up your mind and for him to agree to it. “It’s supposed to cheer you up, after all.” 

He nodded with certainty and took the menu out of your hands to stack his and yours for the waitress to take easily when it was time to order. “Seeing you stuff your face already cheers me up,” he grinned and placed both of his elbows on the table and folded his hands together. He was smug with his discrete compliment that was disguised by a teasing remark. 

“Pfft,” you rolled your eyes and gave him a stank face although you could see through his intentions. You were about to look away to avoid his intense stare until the waitress came at the perfect time so you had an excuse to not look at him. “I’ll have the tres leches pancakes, thank you.” 

She turned to Mark with her pen in one hand and the notebook tucked under with her other hand, “and for you?” 

“The grand slam please,” he said. 

“How would you like your eggs?” 

Mark looked confused, which also made you confused because why would that question make him confused? You’ve been to Denny’s dozens of times but this was the first time Mark was asked how he’d like things to be cooked. And with no cooking skills or knowledge, he blurted out his answer which sounded more like a question, “uh cooked?” 

You were embarrassed as you saw the waitress hold back a suppressed laugh as she pressed her lips together at the teenage boy who still had no idea how to answer the question properly. “Sunny-side up please!” You answered for him and handed her the menus. 

“That’ll be right up,” she smiled and grabbed the menus from you before walking behind the counter to place your orders. 

With heat rising through your neck to your temples and cheeks, you slapped Mark lightly on his arm. “‘Cooked?’” You asked with disbelief. “Obviously they’re going to cook them! She wanted to know how you wanted them cooked!” 

With no embarrassment whatsoever but rather an insightful expression with his confusion resolved, he nodded and said an “ohhh… That makes more sense.” 

You shuddered at the memory while all Mark could do was look at you and laugh. She got cuter, he thought as he smiled while watching your face scrunch up in second-hand embarrassment once more. “I’m still haunted by that memory, I can still remember it as if it were yesterday,” you sighed with a hand clutching your shirt over your heart. 

He put both his hands up to his side and shrugged, “and to this day I do not feel embarrassed.” He leaned back into the chair smugly with his arms now folded across his chest, “you live and you learn.”

Compared to him, who was a total dork that was loved although clumsy in both speech and manners, you internalized every single moment that he messed up or said something off. It was as if the shame that he missed was transferred to your body to suffer instead. “I’m glad you think so.” You scrunched your nose at him and shook your head at his nonchalantness. “I just hope you don’t answer ‘cooked’ the next time you take a girl out to a fancy restaurant.” 

Mark sighed and moved his arms from their original folded position to hold the back of his neck again, “if only I could get a date.” For some reason, once he said that you were relieved. There was no reason for your relief as you two lost contact for three years but knowing that he was single and had trouble finding someone was reassuring. 

Who were you fooling though; you were afraid of falling in love with him again. 

[saturday, 6:54pm] 

It’s been two weeks since you reconnected with your high school best friend and first love. And like back in high school you two were glued to each other by the hip once again. From sending each other memes at 2am when both of you were tired yet weren’t bored enough to put down your phones, to studying at the library to only get food and talk for the rest of the day when either of your stomachs started rumbling; you felt as though you were transported back 3 years. 

Despite reliving the fun memories, you couldn’t help but think about why you and Mark stopped contacting each other 3 years ago. However, that story was for another time and you knew that it was inevitable for you two to talk about it to find closure. So for now you focused on the problem that you were faced with; you were running late. 

Mark suggested going to the drive-in movie theatre an hour away from campus to watch The Matrix since it was assigned as a reading for your philosophy of human nature course. You weren’t so sure about being in an even more cramped space than a small study room with Haechan and Yeri no matter how much you liked them after getting to know them. If anything the car would amplify their sibling-like spat or even worse, they talked throughout the movie. 

Luckily for you; Haechan had an essay due that night that he had to write due to his poor planning and procrastination and Yeri had a volunteering event that she held for her club as the Vice President. Unbeknownst to you, Mark had actually begged the two not to come so he had an excuse to bring you to a romantic date spot considering the both of you only hung out for school related activities like catching each other between breaks or to study on the weekend. As the innocent boy that couldn’t tell you any white lies, they actually did have those things to do but the previous day. With that justification, he felt like he didn’t lie but rather stretched the truth. 

On the side entrance of your dormitory, Mark was in his car with his phone in his hand trying to craft a text message to send to you. He wanted it to seem nonchalant but a little flirty as if he was up to pick you up from a date to hopefully give you butterflies. He had been doing that for 10 minutes already as he arrived 15 minutes early from the time you two agreed on; 7:00pm. When he looked at the time from his car’s radio, he saw that you were running five minutes late and hurriedly wrote a text because he was afraid that you forgot or ditched him. “Hey, I’m out front. You good?” 

You cursed when you saw your phone light up with his text as you sprayed your fruity floral perfume on your neck and behind your ears. You spent too long picking your outfit, shoes, accessories, and even which body gel would go better with your perfume that you took nearly two hours to get ready for a seemingly chill movie session for school. When you looked into the mirror before heading out the door, you hoped that your cardigan and jeans, beachy hair, and light accessories didn’t look too much. 

Once you slipped on your sneakers and rushed out of the door, you nearly tripped over the pavement until you grabbed onto Mark’s black Mercedes-Benz passenger door handle. You pulled it open and plopped inside the car. You were out of breath from rushing down four flights of stairs and nearly tripping, and from the nerves of being in a car with Mark for at least 4 hours. “Whoops sorry I’m late,” you huffed as you placed your bag onto your lap to let the seat belt lay comfortably over your torso. 

When you entered the car suddenly, the air blew the sweet smell of your perfume and mix of mango pineapple body wash over to Mark. His cheeks flushed a light pink as he saw your face with a pinky spring makeup that was different from your everyday neutral. He didn’t know how much prettier you could look in his eyes. A soft cough escaped his mouth which prompted him to place his hand over it when you suddenly settled into your seat and looked over at him. 

“Do you think we’ll be on time for the movie?” You asked. He shook his head from the daze that your scent and pretty face caused him to fall into and started the engine. 

“We should be fine,” he said confidently before placing his right hand on the back of your headrest and using the other to steer. When he leaned in closer to you, you were taken aback and for a second thought he was going to kiss you until his head looked towards the back of the car to back up and get out of the circular entrance of the dorm. You watched the muscles of his neck clench slightly as he pulled out of the driveway and turned back around to start driving out of the city and to the highway. 

You weren’t used to how much Mark had grown. Back then you liked him because he was cute, dependable, and shy. But now he was buying you snacks in between classes to make sure you ate, staying on the phone with you when he knew you were coming home from lectures late so that you weren’t scared and so that he knew you were safe, and even knowing how to effortlessly drive like the male leads do in rom-com movies. 

To divert your attention on how darn good Mark looked with his freshly washed hair, white jeans and black hoodie, you ran your fingers through his fluffy hair. “Who knew we’d meet each other again all grown up.” Your slightly cold fingers would graze against the back of his neck occasionally, sending chills and shivers down his spine while his hands gripped the steering wheel. 

Three years didn’t seem long but it did wonders to Mark’s appearance. Mark was always attractive even with his shy and quirky habits. Girls from your grade would say, “hey did you notice that Mark is kinda cute?” But they never made a move because the only girl he was comfortable with was you. That’s what you thought, but really he was only interested in you and he didn’t want to talk to other girls in case you got the wrong idea. His plan backfired when you thought him avoiding girls for your sake was him being hopeless around the opposite sex.

“Why? Did I get mature?” Once you were at the stop light, he turned his head to look at you and you turned to face him as well.

“Yeah,” you smiled with your hand still on his neck. “We both grew up.” He wasn’t expecting you to agree with him. He was expecting a typical reply that best friends gave each other like, “you wish,” or “no you’re still ugly.” Mark was getting his hopes up that you didn’t see him as a friend but as a potential boyfriend but like you, you both had to talk about why he left 3 years ago. 

He was relieved when the traffic light turned green so that he had an excuse to avoid your loving gaze which he mistook for nostalgia. “I remember I didn’t even have my driver’s license yet,” you recalled as you slipped your hand on his neck and onto your bag, knowing that you had it in your card case along with your student ID. 

Mark chuckled, “hey, it doesn’t make a difference.” He waved his finger up and shook it at you with his eyes still on the road. “I drive you everywhere to this day.” He was right. Every late night drive to McDonald’s when you were tired of creating troublesome bibliographies and when he was sick of trying to figure out why his Python code didn’t run was in his car. 

“Back then I asked my mom to drive to you,” you recalled. 

His eyebrows lifted in surprise, “what? Your parents would’ve killed you if they saw you going out with a boy!” 

You nodded and laughed in agreement, “I’d have her drop me off at Mina’s and I’d walk all the way over to your house.” 

Mark chuckled in disbelief and shook his head, “her house is 20 minutes away! You’re crazy.” 

“Only for you,” you winked and shot him a finger gun when he looked into the rear view mirror. He suddenly took his eyes off and put his head out the window slightly to cool his blushing face off. Satisfied that you managed to make him shy you straighten your back into the seat smugly, “what is this? Are you getting shy? Did Mark really grow up?” 

Out of embarrassment he said loudly, “hey! I’ll drop you off on the side of the road if you keep teasing me!” 

You put your hands up in surrender with a wide grin across your face, “oops, I won’t make that mistake again.” He shifted in his seat uncomfortably and calmed down after a few meters. “But I know you’d never do that to me.” 

How could she be so sure, Mark thought even though he would never forgive himself if he did anything relatively mean to you. 

Because you like me, you thought to yourself. You always have. 

But then another thought disturbed your mood, so then why did you leave? 

You brushed your hair so that it gathered behind your back; every strand of hair signifying every negative moment from the past as you two were nearing the drive-in theatre. The sun was setting and the clouds were transitioning from a warm orange to a soft indigo blue. Tonight, you wanted to enjoy your time with Mark and you could have a serious talk with him next time. If he doesn’t leave you again, that is. 

After Mark paid the attendant at the booth in front of the parking lot, he drove to a spot dead center so that both of you had an optimal view of the screen. If you drove to the very front then the screen would take up your field of vision and ruin the ambiance of watching a movie during sunset simultaneously but moving too far back would mean that you couldn’t see what was happening. 

With only another car parked at the very back left corner of the lot, you felt as if you and Mark were in a separate world than the outside. Once the opening credits started to roll in, you pulled a bag of maltesers and gummy worms out of your bag as well as a ten dollar bill. Mark snagged the bag of gummy worms but grasped your hand that held the money between your fingers and slipped it back into your purse. “Keep it,” Mark said. 

Both you and Mark watched the movie, occasionally popping a sweet treat into your mouth but both of you had watched the movie before. You watched it in high school economics to learn about how Neo might have been Karl Marx and the society was actually capitalism, and Mark watched it on his own time ten times because he loved the movie and wanted to dress up at Neo for Halloween until he realized that he didn’t look as good as Keanu Reeves but rather resembling a shiny roll of black licorice. 

The two of you could care less about the movie or even watching it for discussion which was worth a meager 1 percent out of your final mark, but also two didn’t want to talk which would admit that you both wanted it to be a date. Way to be more mature about your feelings, you thought.

When the movie was finally done, you noticed that the sky was now pitch black. The car behind you left, which you could see from the side mirror, and the ticket attendant probably left early knowing that it was the last movie for the night and that no one would come to a drive-in theatre in the middle of nowhere on a Saturday night. Except for two people who wanted to go on a date without admitting it was a date of course.

Once the ending scene was done, the screen turned black which caused Mark’s car to lose all visibility as well. Although there were four street lights that shone in the parking lot, you could barely see anything without any headlight. You heard the jiggling of keys as Mark fished them out of his pant pockets until you heard him curse lightly. “Ugh, I dropped it.” 

“The lights,” you said as you raised your hand to the car’s ceiling to turn on the interior lights so that he could find the keys. When you finally felt the smooth plastic button, you pushed it and the pale yellow light brightened up the car immediately. “Oh…” You said out of surprise when you realized Mark’s face was centimeters away from yours as he was also looking for the light switch. 

You expected him to blush and turn away like he always did when your faces got close together. Like when you drank out of your straw when he was drinking out of his milkshake or when you leaned in close to him to pull an eyelash off of his cheek. But this time he leaned closer, his gaze falling from your eyes down to your lips.

Your arm fell limp to your side when he placed his index finger from under your chin to lift up your head. Your eyes closed as his soft pink lips came in contact with yours. Two of his warm hands cupped your face as he leaned in closer and kissed you more aggressively. Your hands grasped his forearms and felt the overflowing love that you two had kept from each other from all those years spent apart. 

Mark pulled away to look into your eyes, “I-”

“Don’t say it,” you smiled sadly. “If you say it I might lose you again.” 

[tuesday, 1:23am]

Ever since your kiss with Mark, you two continued to act like normal surprisingly. He wasn’t avoiding you and even if he was, there was no way in hell that you would let him out of your sights again. You still met with each other, texted each other, and behaved as you normally would. You weren’t pretending that your feelings weren’t mutual or that the kiss didn’t happen, you two just didn’t bring it up. 

“Do they usually drink like this?” You asked with Yeri’s left arm slung around your shoulder as you placed her carefully into the Uber that you called for her and Haechan. 

The two of them decided to celebrate your “awesome teamwork” after finishing the semester with a perfect 10% on your participation mark. “It was really because you transcribed their arguments,” Mark whispered when the two of them shouted at how high their mark was because of the participation boost. 

Grateful for having members to do the work for them, they decided to treat you and Mark out for drinks. “Tab on us,” they announced proudly as they downed tequila shots while you and Mark had only a fruity cocktail each which contained a maximum of two shots. 

“Yes,” Mark groaned as he pushed Haechan haphazardly into the seat next to Yeri. They folded against each other as they were about ready to pass out. You prayed to the stars that they didn’t throw up into the poor man’s Uber. “Please take them home safely,” he said after securing seat belts for his classmates and closing the door. 

After you two watched the car drive off, you stood in awkward silence. You both didn’t want to go home yet, but someone had to initiate an invitation. “You hungry?” Mark asked. 

“Kinda,” you replied with a smile. You knew where this was heading.

“Denny’s.” The two of you laughed after saying the infamous drunk food, I mean breakfast diner, chain. 

You walked with him slowly to the diner that was conveniently located within walking distance of the bar that you had just left. Your feet swung off the concrete surface with every step, kicking off small pebbles to hear the satisfying sound of the soles of your shoes against the rough surface. 

“Remember when I left,” Mark said suddenly. 

You shivered at his words, prompting him to take off his bomber jacket and place it onto your shoulders. You didn’t shudder because of the breeze but because you were dreading talking about what caused your relationship to end abruptly. 

“How could I forget?”

“Cheers!” Mark exclaimed, holding up his shot of whisky next to yours. 

“Cheers!” You repeated after him and clinked your glass to his. You quickly downed the hot liquid which burned your throat as travelled down and coated the inside of your stomach. “Oof,” you nearly gagged at your first sip of alcohol as it reminded you of fuel but like the slightly sweet smell. “What a rollercoaster,” you said, trying to seem cool. 

“How’s this for a prom!” He said laughing at your wrinkled face as if he didn’t spittle a little out of his mouth in surprise at how bitter alcohol really was. 

You both wanted the prom experience but hated the theme for this year. “Tropical fairy,” you remember looking at the poster and squinting your eyes in distaste. “What kinda theme is that?” 

Mark nodded at your dislike and shook his head at how little effort went into the planning. Your high school was hit with a bunch of budget cuts, university admission changes, and faculty switches which led in students with less time to plan and on top of that less money. So instead of the fancy prom that you envisioned at an elegant French bistro where your school always held it, this year was at a retirement home with catering from a pizza place. Not even a fancy pizza place that had arugula. It had pineapple pizza, which you loved, but still it wasn’t fancy.

So here you were, having our first taste of alcohol with Mark in Montreal where the drinking age was only 18 compared to Vancouver where it was 19. He begged and pleaded with his dad to borrow his car to drive for the weekend trip and you had to convince your mom that you were going with Mina and not a boy you had the biggest crush on. 

“Do we have to take more?” You asked, half excited and half terrified of drinking more. 

“Of course!” Mark exclaimed. “I didn’t drive this far and pack for a trip if we're only going to take a single shot!” 

If only you knew he was going to tap out after two tequila shots and a white Russian. “I think it would be good if I stopped here,” he said, burping slightly as he pushed the empty glasses away from him. His face was glowing slight and you saw him sway slightly. 

You laughed, also a little tipsy but no where near the state he was in. 

After you two paid the bill, you sat in the nearest local park that you could find and Mark instantly laid down in a snow angel formation once you found a clean patch of grass. You cringed at the thought of leaving soil stains on his dark blue suit as he laid flat on the ground but his face was so at peace you didn’t care enough to scold him. 

You squatted on the grass carefully to avoid sitting down and ruining your deep red ‘prom’ dress which was really a FashionNova knit dress that made you look like you were ready to take pictures for instagram. With your white sneakers planted on the soil, you hugged your knees into your chest to balance yourself. 

“Hey,” Mark whined when he opened his eyes and saw you not committing to his coming of age, angsty, lying in the grass with his best friend who he’s secretly in love with-moment. His hand grabbed your forearm lightly to take you off balance so you could plop on the ground next to him. Your knees swung towards the patch of grass next to him and your head landed neatly on his chest. Before you could sit up, he placed his hand on your head to keep it there, brushing stray hairs out of your face. “Stay like this,” he slurred. 

You laid like that with him with your heart beating out of your chest and thousands of thoughts running through your mind. He was never bold like this. He’s probably a touchy drunk you thought. “Did you know that I’ve liked you since freshman year?” The alcohol was definitely affecting him. What a lightweight. 

“Obviously,” you chuckled. Your muscles were relaxing from their previous tenseness from his abrupt actions. “You thought you were so slick but I always knew it.” 

Even from his voice, you could hear his surprise and the fact that a pout followed it. “Wait what?!” He said in his high-pitched voice whenever he was shocked. “Why didn’t you say something about it?” 

“I didn’t want to be the first one to confess,” you said. Even though it took you all four years of high school and you could only do it when you were drunk, you thought. 

Like the clueless teenager with little experience with girls, he was still confused with your ambiguous confession. “Wait… that means…” 

“I like you too, you big head dummy!” You sat up with his arms and shook your head at him, embarrassed that he didn’t get your confession right away and also shy at the fact that you were basically sober and confessing to him when he was way past tipsy. You turned your head away from him to feign annoyance. 

“Hey,” he said. He sat up and held both sides of your face with his warm and callous hands. His deep brown eyes were looking intensely into yours. You couldn’t bear to look at him for long without blushing, but luckily for you, you closed your eyes when his lips came into contact with yours. 

You weren’t sure if it was his first kiss or not, but it was sloppy and rushed. It felt like he was releasing all of the pent-up passion for you ever since he realized that he liked you when you both met in your art class and started a conversation when he sprayed dark blue paint over your light blue denim jacket when he was trying to make the splatter effect with a paint brush. You didn’t mind though, because it was your first kiss and you didn’t know if he was good or bad without any reference. 

He pulled away slightly and rested his forehead gently on top of yours, “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

You chuckled lightly to yourself as you recollected that night. Both of you didn’t even know what love meant yet said that to each other in the heat of the moment. Or maybe Mark said that as a goodbye, a last minute confession before he’d leave you. 

“What?” You said as Mina dropped the bomb on you. 

“He didn’t tell you?” She asked, completely shocked that you weren’t the first person he told considering you two never spent time apart. “He moved to Korea for university.” 

For three months you two were texting back and forth, FaceTime calls whenever he could, and phone calls when you two had free time but were too embarrassed to show your faces because now you both had confessed but weren’t official yet but still not as comfortable as just friends now either. He said he was only going to Korea for the summer to visit his family. 

“Why wouldn’t he tell me?” 

Out of hurt, you started to send him less frequent messages and began declining his calls or attempts to FaceTime. Out of confusion, he stopped trying to reach you and the short lived relationship dissolved just like that; before it even began to bloom. 

While you two were talking about what happened, you had already arrived at Denny’s and sat in a booth with your orders already sent to the back. “So,” you said dryly while stirring the cubes of ice in your glass of water with your straw. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“You know how we planned going to university together,” he started to explain with his gaze fixed on the corner of the table. “It was your dream school and we were so excited to become roommates and take electives together because you were in Arts and I was in the Science department…” He corrected himself, “well planning to be anyways.”

Mark paused, looking up to try and figure out how to verbalize the whirlwind of emotions that caused him to keep the truth from you in the past. “I realized that I wanted to study in Korea when I was there for vacation. I dropped everything and I didn’t know how to tell you I decided on my dream school over you.” 

Your eyes shot up to match his in disbelief, “Mark! I wouldn’t hold you back. I would understand you, I would support you. Why would you keep that away from me?”

“Because I didn’t know if it was my dream school if you weren’t there,” he sighed. You were surprised and at a loss for words. You knew he had a crush on you but didn’t know how much it affected him where he was deciding on something as important as school over you. 

“So why did you come back? And when you did, why didn’t you call me?” 

“I came back because I don’t know,” he shrugged, taking a sip of his coke. “It didn’t feel the same as Canada, I felt lonely.” Sure he had friends, but he didn’t feel the same connection to them as he did back to the ones he had in his hometown. “I didn’t call because I didn’t think you’d want to see me. Especially after those dry messages.” 

You nodded and realized that both of you messed up. He failed to communicate his desire to go abroad and you didn’t even ask him why he suddenly left. “So us meeting again was really fate huh?” 

“You could call it that,” he smiled. His hand moved cautiously over the table to hold yours, nervous that you would pull back and reject him. “I’m sorry.”

Your fingers intertwined with his, “I’m sorry too. We were both too young.” 

“So, will you take me back?” His eyes were twinkling with hope.

“Mark,” you said. You watched him gulp, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down with nervousness. “You never lost me in the first place.” 

author’s note: ahh thank you for reading my writing and making it through to the end! i love umi’s song high school and basically just wrote this based on the lyrics haha. is it just me or did denny’s get worse? like i used to go for the food but now I just go for the nostalgia lol. anyways, please head over to my inbox for ships, requests, or if you just want to talk i’m always online nowadays lol. but for now; stay safe, stay healthy and happy! i’m here for you no matter what you’re going through. thanks for reading!

[its-bound-to-get-loud]

Ashton Irwin is not straight: a masterpost

It’s been a while since I’ve written a masterpost, but I’ve been meaning to get back into it for a while now. Giving a voice to some of my personal ideas is the main reason to start this blog in the first place. I’ve made a similar post about Michael several months ago. I can highly recommend checking that one out as well. This one will probably be a bit shorter than that one, since Michael has been banging on that closet door a ton, while Ashton is a little more subtle.

Before you continue reading, a quick disclaimer. If the idea that Ashton may not be straight makes you uncomfortable. Please do not continue reading. However, if you have an open mind and are willing to entertain other ideas than your own or if you share my ideas (based on the title) you are more than welcome to continue.

Finally, I’m asking you. Please, under no circumstance ever show my posts to any of the guys or people close to them. The posts that I make are meant for fandom discussion only. You can share them with friends, you can talk about them, just do not share them with the guys or the people around them. Also, I will not be publicly speculating about what label (sexuality) the guys may identify as. This is something very personal and it’s up to them to decide how they want to or don’t want to identify as. However, I do believe that at least Ashton, Luke and Michael are not straight. I haven’t completely made up my mind about Calum, but I think there are definitely certain signs that he may not be straight. I’m aware that a lot of people believe in Cashton as a couple. Personally at the moment I’m posting this I do not believe they are (or were) a couple. I understand why people think they are dating, I have seen plenty of Cashton evidence, but nothing has absolutely convinced me so far. They are super cute and I absolutely ship them though, I would love nothing more than to be wrong about this. Now that we have gotten all of that out of the way, let’s get to the reasons I think Ashton is not straight,

I do not have as many reasons for Ashton not being straight as I do for Michael, who has been incredibly vocal about not being straight. Ashton however has thrown a few hints out there and I am receiving them loud and clear. For me the first thing that pointed me towards Ashton not being straight sounds a bit vague. It was his demeanor, the way he acts, the way he carries himself. Ashton is very flamboyant in the way he acts. You know how you see someone you don’t know, but instantly know they’re not straight because of the way they behave? That’s exactly what I see when I look at Ashton. It’s hard to put into words, but if you don’t know what I mean I highly suggest googling the definition of flamboyant, I’d say it fits quite well with Ashton. Now I know this is very much a stereotype and not everyone who is flamboyant is gay* and vice versa, so this doesn’t make what I say a fact (unless Ashton comes out and says he’s not straight, this whole post is speculation). But those stereotypes do exist for a reason, they may not apply to everyone, but they do exist for some.

* I’m using gay as an umbrella term here, I don’t mean to imply he is only into guys. Simply that he is not straight.

“Girl and/or boy”

The following moment of the guys explaining what Don’t Stop is about can be interpreted in many ways. It starts with Luke saying the song is about a girl at a party, that everyone wants to take home to “hang out” with. Then after some further talk at 0:53 Ashton says “It’s just about a girl who everyone wants at a party basically. And/or boy”. Now this can be interpreted as a girl seeing a boy at a party who she likes. It could be a general statement that some boys aren’t (just) interested in girls, but (also) in boys and he’s trying to be inclusive. Which is not out of character for Ashton I’d say. It could also be a little more personal. Maybe meaning that he might not (just) be interested in girls. Personally I think it might be a combination, it’s a blanket statement that leaves plenty of room for plausible deniability, should there ever be a need for further explanation.

“I don’t wanna tug any of ya”

The fact that nobody is talking about this at all is at least surprising. I get that the interview is a few years old, but even in the comments I don’t see anything about it. At 2:19 the interviewer asks them who would win in a tug of war competition between 1D and 5SOS. After some back and forth talk, their answer nears an ending, but not before Ashton jokes “I don’t wanna tug any of ya” at 2:36 and letting out an adorable giggle. Michael doesn’t seem to take notice of what Ashton is saying. However Luke and Calum definitely get it. Now if there was any doubt about what Ashton would mean by tug. Just take a look at the Urban Dictionary. So Ashton jokes he doesn’t want to tug any of his bandmates. Does that mean he would like to tug someone else perhaps? This may have been a simple teenage joke and nothing else, but I think it’s important to at least take notice of.

“It’s not a guy”

This moment is honestly iconic, I don’t know what else to say. In this video they get asked some random stuff such as “first band you saw live” and in this case “favorite hometown spot”. 20 seconds into this video and Ashton does a shout out to Frankie’s in Sydney. Which is all fine, but what follows is where it really gets interesting. He says “spent way too much time in you”. This could just be a bit of unfortunate phrasing, sometimes our brain to mouth filter works in weird ways. Then Luke feels the need to add “it’s a rock bar”. This smells like damage control to me. They could have just laughed it off and made it into a joke. I mean, Ashton says a lot of ridiculous stuff at times, so this wouldn’t even be that much out of character. Ashton however must’ve felt defiant that day, because he decides to add fuel to the fire by saying “it’s not a guy”. Then he smirks while looking off camera. He is well aware of what he’s saying and I 100% believe he saw an opportunity and took it. Also a special shout out to Calum’s face after Ashton said “it’s not a guy”. Also, the fact that he says guy and not girl is something to take notice of. Now in all truthfulness, if he’d said girl it would have sounded rather gross and I probably would have to scold him myself. But I’d say Frankie is an androgynous name that doesn’t stereotypically belong to any specific gender.

“Boys, boys, boys”

5SOS reads thirst tweets is iconic as a whole, but one of my favorite moments is “boys, boys, boys”. It starts with Ashton reading the tweet, followed by Luke going “you can’t say boys like that”. Ashton being Ashton doesn’t like being told what to do, so he decided to be extra and repeat himself a couple of times. Now this may just be Ashton being defiant. But there is an extra added layer to what he says and how he says it. The way he says it is just so flamboyant, the way he stares into the camera he knows what he’s saying.

“If Walls Could Talk”

There is a reason I called my blog its-bound-to-get-loud and the reason is obviously this song. The moment I realized what the lyrics to this song were I had to look them up, cause it sounded a lot like a closeting song to me. After reading the lyrics that thought was solidified in my brain. I have written an extensive analysis of the whole song together with R. If you want to know more about our interpretation of the song, read our analysis here.

This has been my masterpost about Ashton not being straight. As always, this post is speculation based on my personal opinions. I hope it brought some new ideas to people who maybe didn’t think of this before. I’d love to hear your reaction if you have read this. You don’t have to agree with me, as long as we can have a friendly conversation about our differences I’d say we’re good. If you liked this post, please reblog it so other can read it as well. Tumblr absolutely sucks in getting my posts to show up in the search results and I don’t have a ton of followers either. So any reblogs are very welcome. A big thank you @full-of-lonely-people​ and @ashtons-ass for proofreading this for me. Your effort is very much appreciated!

[rohobi]

Serendipity 10 | (m)

Story Description: After you reveal your inexperienced sexual status to your bestfriend, Jungkook grapples with the news, startled by the idea that the girl he always thought could get anyone, is a virgin. After finding his porn at 3AM, you decide that maybe it’s about time to stain the white sheets of your world with the colors of a forbidden fruit Jungkook seems to have in the palm of his hands. 

PAIRING— jeon jungkook x reader, friendwithbenefitsAU

GENRE/WARNINGS— smut, fluff, humour

← CHAPTERS → CHAPTER 11

It's 3 pm on a Monday.

You're in a soundproof meeting room in the library. It's one of those meeting rooms where the walls are completely glass; you can see out but people can't see in. It's horribly distracting but wonderful for those who love to people watch. You, however, dislike people watching and wish you were in bed instead.

There's a big white table in the middle of the room with eight white plastic seats around it. Some of us have come straight from lectures with fresh hot coffees held close to chests. Some of us have come before going to lectures or like you and Claudia, before going to the student council office.

The room is only meant to fit 8 or 9 people but in this particular case, we've fit about 12 people.

You came early with Claudia to grab the unbooked room, so you're in a chair comfortably waiting for everyone to arrive, nervously at your fingernails. People like Yoongi and Hoseok and Mabel are packed like sardines up against the wall.

And Jungkook has obviously come from the gym, his hair still damp from the shower he likes to have when he's finished working out. You haven't met eye contact with him but you checked him out when he was on his phone in front of you.

You sigh, as you think about how delicious he looks in his white cotton button-up. It wasn't fair.

That bastard.

"Sorry, I'm late," Wendy whispers, closing the glass door behind her, standing in front of it next to Yoongi. "The health department are having an influenza talk, wanted to make sure I had enough information."

"That's wise," you smile, swallowing the lump in your throat. "Is that everyone?"

Claudia does a headcount before finally smiling.

It was glamping season and Claudia had pulled Yoongi, Hoseok, Jungkook, the girls and you into a meeting to discuss how we'd utilize it. Apparently, this is an important part of university culture that you had blissfully ignored prior.

Ever since Halloween, you've been throwing yourself into group activities with the girls. It's actually been so nice just to be apart of a group of girls who are positive and optimistic while being study focused and career-driven. You've been blessed.

But you miss Jungkook.

It's been two weeks of discomfort with the way things were left last time.

He's been busy and you've been busy with study.

You feel on the edge.

Maybe a holiday is exactly what you need. You'll be refreshed by the fresh air, you'll be around more people, you'll have fun talking about non-Jungkook and non-law study things. You'll be comfortable and fed and warm and loved.

Whatever Claudia organizes, hell, you're in.

The excitement pulsed through you as you fantasized making smores with the girls, playing truth or dare, drinking and having fun.

As you daydream, the fantasy shifts to camping with Jungkook and you're eternally grateful to be pulled out of your thoughts as your phone buzzes in your pocket because hell, it was getting romantic all up in your brain.

Shaking your head, you pull out your phone and read the message.

Jungkook: Hey, you look nice today

You gape down at the plain blue jeans and Harvard grey hoodie. Your attire wasn't exactly aimed to impress.

You: I'm not dressing to impress but thanks

Jungkook: You're finally responding to me? Woohoo Jungkook: Hi

You: Focus

Sighing, you slip your phone back into your pocket. To be honest, you haven't spoken to or spent time with Jungkook in a while. The embarrassment of what happened on Halloween plagued your thoughts and you couldn't bare confronting those feelings around him.

So embarrassing.

And it's not like you're his girlfriend or anything, this was okay.

Jungkook leans on his chair to meet your eyes. You blush when he smiles. That stupid smile, making your heart flutter.

"Y/N," Claudia claps her hands, "I know Jungkook can be distracting but are you even listening."

You startle, looking away from him to Claudia. "Sorry, carry on."

"My fault, she's still not talking to me," Jungkook laughs, stretching his hands behind his head. You can tell he has more to say with words hanging off the tip of his tongue. "Do me a favor Claudia and put her tent next to mine. She can't run away from me then."

Everyone in the room groans.

"Excuse me?" Frowning at Jungkook, you raise your voice. "You ugly ass noodlehead. Imma make sure I'll be in the tent furthest away from you!"

"Oh yeah," Jungkook chuckles, leaning forward, he places his fists underneath his chin. "With who? You'll just end up in my tent anyway, who are you kidding here?"  

Heat dusts your cheeks. "That's not true! I'll just stay with Seulgi!"

"Oh hello," Seulgi winks, licking her lips at you. "You can stay with me in my tent any time."

Sinking in your chair, you cover your face with your hands. "Oh god. Seulgi, shut up."

"Don't worry babe, unlike Jungkook, I'll keep it in my pants."

Wendy laughs loudly, interrupting any opportunity to clap back. "Oh my god, this suddenly got way more fun. I'm coming!"

"Of course it did," Mabel adds, fanning herself with her book, "You're all a bunch of whores we get it. Will we have to sleep on air beds and is there an option to sleep somewhere else if we have to. I can't stand those things."

Jungkook agrees. "They make too much noise when you move."

"See? Thanks, Jungkook," Mabel smiles. "And they bloody deflate in the middle of the night. I don't want rocks in my ass."

"Mabel, we're on beds." Claudia groans, flicking her hair over her should as she takes out her computer. Connecting her MacBook with the big screen, she opens her prepared PowerPoint slideshow.

The first slide shows a glamping location in Busan that she liked. "Alright, my Busan babes in the room. Welcome to camp cozy."

To say the campsite was beautiful was an understatement.

There were four big khaki tents and they were already set up at the site with large beds and furniture within. Fairy lights all over the place, fluffy blankets, fluffy pillows, big bean bags. Christ. It was perfect. "From my expert research and communication skills, each tent comes with a double bed, so we have beds for 8 people."

Yoongi raises his hand. "I have a question."

Claudia nods.

"I don't want to share a tent with anyone else because I plan on having a lot of sex in my tent, where do I go?"

Everyone in the room snorts.

"What? I'm asking what you're all thinking?"

Wendy walks across the room to slap his back. She chuckles madly. "I agree."

"I'm not bumping uglies with you Wendy, don't act like we're on the same team," Yoongi shakes her hand off his back. "Although if my date doesn't turn up, I'm happy to cuddle and stroke your hair and talk about our boy problems."

She stands in front of him, blinking in confusion. "Are you being serious because that actually sounds so fucking nice."

He laughs loudly at her. "Of course I'm not."

Wendy pouts, raising her shoulders to her cheeks as she walks back to her side of the room. "Asshole."

Claudia clicks next on the slideshow, showing alternative options. "Our options are 4 big tents for 8 people or 10 if you're little, and if you want privacy, don't come," pointing to the beach she cheekily adds, "I hear the sand is a nice mattress, why don't you find out Yoongi?"

"I've never had sex on a beach before," Yoongi deflates, "Am I okay to bring my own tent then? I'll pitch it myself, I'll even drive down myself?"

"Sure," clicking onto the next slides, she goes through items we'll need and an estimate of the cost. "If anyone wants to help organize this?"

You're acutely aware your phone is buzzing in your pocket but you're also aware that it's Jungkook because he's on his phone and he's aiming it at you. Biting your bottom lip, you raise out of your seat.

"Should we split up into groups to help organize this? Transport, Food, Cleaning, Finance, Activities?"

Claudia beams, finally happy someone was contributing to the organization of it. "That's a beautiful idea, oh bless your little cotton socks."

Everyone mutters between themselves as Claudia opens up her google document. You watch as she types your name under food and Jungkook's under transport.

"Is Y/N a good cook?" Hoseok asks Yoongi, crossing his arms across his chest. "I bet she is. She can cook for me any day. We love a kitchen bitch."

"She can like totally hear you," Mabel says, rolling her eyes. "And she is like 100% taken you giant ass."

"No, she isn't," Hoseok holds his hands up in surrender. "Last time I checked, she was single."

"Ugh, who even invited you," she stands up, walking over to him. "You're lucky I find you attractive otherwise, you'd be blOCKED from coming. Aren't you studying sociology or something."

You don't need to look at Jungkook to know that he's beaming in delight and is now a big fan of Mabel. The tension in the air between Jungkook and Hoseok makes you uncomfortable. You've never been put in a position like this before giving you were just a virgin like a couple of months ago and had no idea what a peen actually looked like.

"Looks like I have a fan." Hoseok steps closer to Mabel and whispers into her ear. No one knows what he says but she blushes and rushes out of the room.

"What'd you say to Mabel?" You ask concerned, she's never run off so fast.

"I have seduction superpowers," Hoseok winks at me. "Want me to come over and whisper in your ear too? Bet I can seduce you in less than a second."

"No thank you," You gulp, unsure what to say to that. Jungkook stands out of his chair, glaring at Hoseok. "Leave her alone bro."

"What?" Hoseok chuckles, winking at you again. "I'm just having a bit of fun with her. She's so kitten-like, makes me want to get to know her a bit more."

There's a possessive tone to Jungkook's defense that's both intimidating and sexy. "Well, don't. Shut the fuck up. Leave the girls alone."

"Am I not allowed to? She looks like she's enjoying it?

Seulgi sinks into her seat next to you.

"No, you aren't allowed to," You've never seen Jungkook so angry before. "She's mine, back off."

The whole room goes silent at that.

The tension in the room is palpable.

And your heart is pounding against your chest.

"Is that true," he asks you, goading you to speak up with his eyebrows. "Are you Jungkook's girlfriend?"

Your heart is pounding so hard against your chest that it's deafening in your eats.

What am I supposed to say to that because I honestly am not his girlfriend officially, although it would be nice? This is not how I thought this meeting would go at all and quite frankly, I'm pissed. Jungkook's face is pink. It's the only thing I can focus on. I can't even remember what he asked me. He seems to want to know the answer to Hoseok's question as well, as though he doesn't know the answer either. Dumbass. They're all dummies. Who are these people and why are they putting me on the spot like this. I didn't ask for any of this, I'm just simple girl-

"Ooh, Jimin wants to get coffee," Yoongi giggles, interrupting your thoughts, softening the tension in the room as he gapes at his phone. "There's too much testosterone in this room, why not you both just fuck each other and get over it."

For a second you think Yoongi is referring to you and Jungkook.

Anger dissipates when Yoongi slaps Hoseoks ass. "Sounds like you both need to relieve some tension and normally, I enjoy a bit of torture but this is horrible. Claudia, message me with details, I'd love to come. It okay if I bring Jimin?"

She nods.

Yoongi doesn't say anything after that. He simply picks up his backpack, nods at Claudia before leaving the room. You wish you had the guts to do the same but you feel frozen and Claudia looks desperate for help now.

Hoseok sighs. "Looks like she's single my bro."

Jungkook says nothing to this.

He simply stares at you in an unreadable expression as you stand and walk towards him.

Gesturing for him to sit down, you pat his back to calm him, he leans into your touch like a kitten being scratched behind its ear. "Sit down and calm down, I don't know why you boys get off on tormenting girls but cut it out or I'll cut YOU out."

Jungkook apologizes while taking his seat.

"And you," Pointing at Hoseok, you scoff. "Who even are you? You don't get to speak to me or about me like that. Women aren't pieces of meat, we're human beings. Now, shut the hell up and keep your dick in your skirt and your tongue in your mouth."

The girls laugh behind you.

Claudia thanks you.

Fucking Hoseok.

You decide then and there, that when you go glamping, you'll piss in his shampoo.

Little bitch.

"Now that everyone's finished their periods. Jungkook, you're the team captain for transport, liaise with me so we can try and get a discount or something," she writes Seulgi's name underneath his, "Hoseok, how do you feel about organizing activities?"

He picks up his laptop bag. "I'm fine with any job you give me Claudia. As long as people aren't afraid of drinking games, we should be A-okay," he lifts his wrist, staring at his watch. "Naeun is pretty fun as well, can she work with me since Y/N can't?"

"Be careful Hoseok," Claudia warns, adding her name to the list, she finishes. "Anyone who isn't in a group by the end of the day will be on cleaning duties."

She then re-opens the map, showing us the trip location. You stare at the pictures as she flicks through them. There's something so nice about camping by the beach, a nice dip when it's too hot, a bonfire at night with the sound of cascading waves.

Your phone buzzes once more in your pocket. You pull it out, knowing it's going to be a message from the mousy brunette still huffing in anger.

Jungkook: Can we talk after this?

Looking above your phone, Jungkook tilts his head at you, a worried expression sits between his brows.

Taking a deep breath, you respond.

You: I'm hungry, want to get something to eat?

Jungkook: Can we go now?

You: When Claudia is finished.

"Claudia, are you done?" Jungkook asks, placing his hands together in prayer. "Please be done. I'm so hungry."

Seulgi frowns. "Is that what it is, hanger?"

Hoseok winks at Seulgi.

"Ugh, can someone fucking uninvite him," she gags loudly, "He might give us all ear chlamydia."

You watch the cocky little shit deflate. A bit of you feels sorry for him but after what he just pulled with you and Jungkook, hall hath no fury like a scorched betch.

"I guess this meeting is over then," Claudia sighs, closing her computer down as well. "I'll make us a group chat to discuss it."

Jungook loudly jumps out of his seat, the gloom worried appearance he previously wore, now replaced with pure happiness. "Yes, let's go eat Y/N!" He rushes over to your side of the table to help you pack up.

"Ooh, can I come?" Wendy and Seulgi both ask.

"No, "Jungkook pulls you out of your chair, patting your bum as you leave the meeting room. "We need to talk and eat, you guys can go eat and talk with someone else."

You don't even have enough time to say goodbye or apologies or tell Claudia you won't be coming to the council office because Jungkook is rushing you out of the room, down the aisles of the library and into the darkest parts of the university library.

You're going in the opposite direction to food as he takes you within the deep depths of the math and science department.

"Jungkook, where are you taking me?"

He hushes you. "We gotta talk."

Irritated, you stop. "Jungkook, I don't really want to talk, I wanna eat," turning around to face him, he grabs your shoulders, pushing you down the aisle backward. "JUNGKOOK!"

"You have no choice, we need to talk," He stops, then he looks left and right before softly pushing you up against the wall. It's clumsy and not at all sexy when Jungkook tries to bypass the big ass fake plant next to you and you slightly trip as he pushes you back up against the wall. His hold on you is strong, as he quite literally picks you up by the shoulders to help you stand.

"Now, You." he starts.

"No, you let me talk," You harshly whisper, "You gotta give a girl a warning and I'm starving so let's do this later."

Dropping his hands from your shoulders. He stares deeply into your eyes. "Shut up for a second will you? Or I'll make you shut up. I have that power you know."

"Jungkook, what the hell," you whisper, pushing his chest away from yours. "You could've just asked me to follow you, you didn't need to push me up against the damn wa-

You don't get to finish what you were saying because Jungkook slams his lips against yours, stopping the words from leaving your mouth. The kiss is startling but not unwelcome as you close your eyes and melt once again into him.

Moving his hand up against your body, he cups the back of your neck. He's unexpectedly rough as he grips on your hair, pulling your body against his. Your hands rest on his waist as you easily fall back into the rhythm.  

He kisses you like he's starving like he hasn't had food in days.

Oh man, this boy.

Raising your hands, you hold his face tenderly, hoping he gets the point to soften the kiss. Kisses with Jungkook are always magical but this one had so much feeling. Each movement of his lips and his tongue were filled with unspoken words, fears, and anxieties. It was startling how much a kiss could say and how much this kiss overwhelmed you.

He holds you close, not wanting to let you go.

Your body shivers, sensitive to his touch as his warm hands continue touching you.

He loosens his grip on your hair, resting his warm palm on the back of your neck. It's a feeling you're familiar with, being held so tenderly.

Pulling away from the kiss, Jungkook leans his forehead on yours.

You both pant from the intensity of the emotions, your eyes still closed.

"It's been hell without you, Y/N," he catches his breath, his voice a soft whisper. "I can't take this anymore. I've reached my limit."

"What?" Opening your eyes in panic, your heart stops as you stare into his gentle brown eyes. Is he ...is he dumping you. "Wait, what do you mean by that Jungkook?"

He steps back, unable to meet you in the eyes. "I can't do this anymore. I can't hold myself back anymore. I'm getting jealous. I want to have you around all the time. I want you to study with me. I want you to call me in the morning and before you go to bed. I want to hold your hand when we walk around campus. I want people to know that you're mine and that I'm yours. I want to kiss you. I want to fuck you. I want to hold you as you cum. I want all of it. "

You're confused. "What? Jungkook, I-

He presses his hand up against your mouth.

"I don't like this uncertainty of who I am to you, I'm creating a boundary right here and I want it around us," He releases his finger to let you respond, "Will you be my girlfriend?"

...

[the-overgrowth]

Retrospective: “Faybane” #1

This is where it all started, on July 8th, 2016. Although probably a bit earlier than that, but this is the earliest thing I can find that’s actually written down, so that’s what counts. And back in the day I didn’t let ideas marinate the way I do now, I just started writing pretty much as soon as I got the idea.

Anyway, the document was created at this point in time according to Google Docs, and was last modified in October 3rd, 2016. It’s only 3 chapters long, plus one incomplete fourth chapter, and the whole thing is about 17k words.

Which is a lot for 3 chapters. I would say something about how I’m less wordy now, but the latest draft is like 107k words long, so, like, I will always struggle with shutting the fuck up, methinks.

Also, the reason this is called “Faybane” is because that was the working title I used, and the name of this document. I thought it’d be the proper title but like. It’s bad lmao.

Anywhomst, let’s get into it!

Some background info for those who are new or need a refresher: this WIP became a thing after I read and was disappointed by A Court of Thorns and Roses by SJM, as well as The Iron King by Julie Kagawa and some book by Holly Black, was it Tithe?

ACOTAR was the biggest culprit. I feel that this is important to keep in mind as we go through this mess.

We open on Sidra in the forest with a bunch of men she calls a hunting party. It’s clear she doesn’t want to be there, but since she’s the only decent hunter among them and it’s her sister’s wedding today, she has to make the kill to feed the people attending said wedding.

This is, as the kids say, big stupid, and seems like a very ill-prepared celebration? I guess it makes some sense for them to want fresh meat, but this fresh? What if they didn’t find anything? What if they didn’t manage to kill anything? Is the whole thing cancelled? Stupid.

We find out they’ve been hunting a boar and that this dude named Liam, our Gaston replacement, previously wounded the animal but didn’t kill it, causing it to flee and force the hunting party to follow. It’s up to Sidra to make the killing blow, which she does with an arrow straight into its head. This was back when Sidra was still YA Heroine Extraordinaire and the time period was Vaguely Medieval, I guess.

They begin taking their quarry back home and Sidra thinks about how she normally doesn’t hunt this close to the “Faewilds” because animals closer to the border are said to be bigger and more violent. There isn’t an actual border, people just had to rely on intuition and not wander too far into the forest.

She also mentions a girl named Wilda, who disappeared fairly recently and everyone suspects it was the fae. This isn’t relevant now, but Wilda will return in later drafts, I think.

Everybody, especially my family, knew that I was one of the best archers in town, whether I used a bow or a crossbow.

Shut up, Not!Feyre. Nobody likes you.

I should mention that at this point I didn’t bother googling how big wild boars get and just assumed they were the size of like, a thick medium dog. Which is, if you know how big boars are, very incorrect. Four men pulling the animal seems realistic enough, but then Liam just lifts it up on his own? Not buying it.

Sidra laments how much she hates Liam and we find out that he apparently tried to assault her and she stabbed him? And apparently she’s not happy about his marriage to Sinéad but can’t do anything about it because “Father’s word is law” and Sinéad herself laughed it off when Sidra tried to warn her?

Yeah, gonna call bullshit on that one. No idea why this was here or what purpose it serves, the reason Liam doesn’t exist in the latest draft is because I never figured out what his purpose was so I axed him entirely. 

Current!Sidra would just kill him the moment he showed an interest in Sinéad, and Current!Sinéad would 100% believe her sister about something like that.

Some bloke named Connor strikes up a conversation with Sidra, seemingly worried about being this far away from human civilization. Liam teases him about it and calls the fae “knife-ears”, because I still had brainrot back then and liked Dragon Age and had zero original ideas in my head.

The men make jokes about having sex with fae women and Sidra seems so disturbed by this that she nocks an arrow. This isn’t the first time she makes references to feeling unsafe around these men, I have no idea why I wrote it this way aside from being edgy, I guess.

My village was mostly populated by men, and even though I wasn’t one of the pretty girls there, I knew these men weren’t picky, even with all their talk about beautiful fae women. I’d heard that fae women would kill their men after sleeping with them. I had no way of know it was true, but a part of me hoped it was and that Liam would some day soon get “lucky” and encounter a female fae, so she could end his misery.

Edgy, dude.

They eventually arrive and Sidra goes inside her house, which is a simple cottage with three rooms. I think her family are all farmers? It’s kind of confusing. She goes into her and Sinéad’s bedroom, where Sinéad is preparing for her wedding. Also, she’s blonde.

“Sid! There you are!” she said cheerily. “Killed a boar, huh? Good on Liam for taking all the credit.”

If you know your man is trash, why are you marrying him?

Apparently Liam seduced Sinéad with sweets and baked goods. I mean ... fair enough. Considering how Sidra complains about being hungry and skinny and going without food if she doesn’t kill the boar because this year’s harvest was minimal, I’m assuming y’all are starving.

We find out Sinéad’s mother doesn’t let her do anything around the house or farm, to preserve her “soft and white” hands and pale complexion so she could be married off easily. This makes zero sense, you’d think these medieval men wouldn’t have the same beauty standards as Victorian England, plus having a mouth to feed that doesn’t even help feeding itself is just nuts. 

But remember, this isn’t Sidra, this is Not!Feyre. She needs to be sad and put-upon and a victim. She explains how she was never pretty to begin with and thus nobody considered her to be worthy of marrying off, which then meant she was put to work and became even less attractive because now she was so cool and badass that all the men were intimidated by her.

Yeah, in a village that already doesn’t have a lot of young women? I’m not buying this, lmao. But go off, Not!Feyre.

I’d been the one helping around, instead. Hunting, mostly. Sometimes I’d chop wood or work the farm. Marrying out of the house seemed impossible. Marrying up was practically a dream you forgot upon waking. Had I been pretty from the start there would’ve been a foundation to work from, but I was a lost cause even before my skin became tan and my hands grew veined and calloused. I had freckles which people mistook for mud and dull brown eyes, a long nose that had been broken one time too many and a mouth that made it look like I constantly felt a bad smell no matter what facial expression I made. I’d always been of rather short stature and had brown hair and thick eyebrows, which in combination with everything else made my parents call me their “little goblin”. The scar on my face didn’t help me either: men didn’t like it when their women were more battle-hardened than they were.

Oh god please, don’t go off! We don’t care! Stop going off!

Also what fucking parents call their poor kid a goblin? Yikes.

Sinéad convinces Sidra to get prettied up and Sidra is all “oh I bet all the men will just fall over themselves for my favor now huh” which is just the most annoying fucking thing, prompting Sinéad to respond:

“Well, winter is coming and game is scarce. If they want to survive, marrying the best hunter in the village might be a good bet.”

Yeah! This is correct! I refuse to believe people wouldn’t be into Sidra! Not only does everyone apparently know she’s the best hunter in town, but Sidra herself confirmed the men here outnumber the women and aren’t very picky.

This is fucking stupid. I’m glad I axed it. In my defense, I was very much trying to emulate the YA shit I’d read so far.

Sidra’s grandmother enters the stage. She’s very old in this draft, but otherwise unchanged.

She was a short and wrinkled old lady with extremely bad vision and an even worse grasp on reality. Or maybe an extremely acute grasp on reality, depending on whether you believed her stories or not.

Sidra changes out of the dress again to go out and help her father prepare the boar, all while sulking.

I didn’t envy Sinead, nor any other bride. Despite what most people thought of me, I wasn’t some poor ugly girl longing for the love of a man and the security of marriage. Did I enjoy the idea of having somebody care for me? Sure. But it wasn’t on my list of priorities. I was still trying to figure out what actually was on that list. Not that it mattered. The prospects for a poor village girl were very finite.

Womp womp.

We get some confusing and barely related stuff about Sidra possibly becoming a royal hunter for the king and also about where the village is located in relation to the Faewilds. She speculates that maybe the fae aren’t real, but the way she and everyone else talks about them makes it pretty obvious that they are? This was supposed to build mystery, I guess.

We skip forward to the wedding and Sidra is moping again.

“How are you feeling?” Father asked and squeezed my shoulder. 

I wasn’t sure why he was doing that. I assumed it had something to do with the wedding and the fact that despite there being fewer women than men here, I was still not asked to dance. Though this didn’t really bother me, so I just shrugged.

“It doesn’t bother me. Anyway I will continue to mope and feel bitter about this thing that doesn’t bother me.” Hunny ...

At least Current!Sidra has the self-awareness to admit she’s sad and lonely.

 [Father’s] marriage to Sinead’s mother was never out of love, more out of necessity. It was easier when you had a big family.

Except for when this “big family” is 3 people who work and 2 people who are just being fed, right? See, I knew back then that having a big family helps when you have a farm, but I also needed to make Sidra Special so Sinéad had to sit on her ass to highlight how pretty and feminine she was or whatnot.

Bleh.

They talk a bit about Sidra’s mother, who passed away five years ago, and Sidra reminisces about how she used to tell amazing stories. It’s all very ... whatever, and serves only to make this point for the hundredth time:

I wasn’t like Mother. I wasn’t full of life and spirit like her. I wasn’t loved and respected by the entire village like her. I was just her disappointing child whose existence they’d rather forget except when they wanted something killed.

Right after this there’s a really abrupt scene transition. Nothing about the wedding coming to an end, nothing about her going to bed, it’s just ... some while later?

Sidra’s father comes back home from ??? and tells Sidra he saw a stag somewhere, but it was hours ago so she better get a move on.

I’m not sure what either of them thinks this will accomplish? Like ... what is she gonna do with it when she kills it ... Carry it home? On her little boney ass? Hmm? I guess I didn’t think of that because I had meta knowledge that she wouldn’t get it home either way, so who cares about logic, right?

Sidra kills two rabbits while stalking the deer, and despite telling us earlier that she doesn’t venture far away from human civilization and the boar hunting being the farthest she’d been and that she wouldn’t go this far alone, she has no issue dwelling very deep into the forest this time.

Like. Henlo? Can we have one logic please and thanks you? Granted, she keeps stopping every now and then to Feel Things Out, but this really goes against how careful she was before and at no point do we get an explanation to her sudden boldness. Plot reasons, I guess.

She nearly stumbles into fae territories and finally decides to head back, except when she starts returning, she sees the stag she’s been tracking. It’s abnormally huge and has a “dark brown” coat that she finds odd, but of course she’s too stupid to connect the dots.

She sneaks up on it and honestly? This chapter ending still slaps.

A scream of pain left the creature and I saw it topple. But though my arrow hit a deer, a man fell to the ground.

DUN DUN DUN.

And yeah, the ACOTAR roots rear their ugly heads again. I liked the idea of the protagonist shooting a fae disguised as an animal, but I decided to cut out the middleman and just have her obliterate Val right in chapter one. Don’t worry, he doesn’t die.

[purplesurveys]

1068

What internet browser do you use?  Chrome. It’s what I’m used to, but I also think it looks the cleanest among the other available browsers.

What brand water do you drink? (Smart Water, Dasani, etc) I never reach for imported water brands like Evian because what is the point?? The local bottled water brands we have like Summit and Absolute work fine and already do a great job of quenching my thirst.

Do you have a job? Yes and I go back tomorrow and I’m cringing thinking about it. I love my job, but I wish it wasn’t so mercilessly hectic for 9 straight hours, 5 days a week. I like to think that I was hired right at the start of all the simultaneous Christmas campaigns of our clients which is why everything seemed busy; so I’m hoping the workload will start to die down a little bit now that all the holidays are over.

Are you full-time or part-time? Full-time.

Are you watching TV right now?  Nope. I was watching on YouTube earlier, but I decided to focus on this.

Or are you listening to music? No. It’s silent here in the living room, just the way I want it to currently be.

Would you go to jail for 3 years for $1,000,000? I don’t think that’s enough money for a dare that big.

When's your birthday?  April 21st.

Thoughts on kids?  I’m a lot less idealistic about them now. I used to want kids with my only formula being “I’ll do the exact opposite of what my mom did with me.” but I realized it’s so much more complicated than that. Raising a kid/kids is a whole damn job in itself and I see that with how my cousins of the same age, but from different families, have been acting. My cousins from one family are really spoiled and entitled, and I can’t last in a room with them for more than a minute; but my cousins in another family are so ridiculously well-behaved I can’t even start to fathom how respectful and kind they are. That observation has scared me away from kids in the meantime, because I still have to figure out how to not fuck such a responsibility up.

Worst punishment you've ever received by your parents?  The worst thing they ever did was take away my laptop privileges for an indefinite period when I was 11, when they caught me being a dumbass on social media and cursing all over the place. It’s a reasonable punishment per se, but that was also a time when the internet was starting to become a resource and requirement for homework and school projects; so my parents didn’t know how many things I failed to submit because they didn’t allow me on the internet.

Are you the type who is completely against abortion? I am pro-choice and pro-pregnant people should be allowed to make decisions about their own bodies. I don’t like the idea of abortion, but I’ve always believed people should have access to resources to learn more about it, to a healthy culture that embraces it as an option, and to actual facilities that will enable them to receive one if the need be.

Have you ever read a book that actually changed your outlook on life? No, I don’t think so. Not yet at least.

Does your favorite flower hold any meaning to you? Peonies don’t mean anything in particular. I just think they look pretty.

What would you do if your favorite animal became endangered?  I can’t imagine dogs ever getting endangered, but hypothetically I’d be crushed. I’d do the same thing I would do with other endangered animals, which is to spread the word about their situation and what can be done to save them from getting even fewer in number.

Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette?  No. I never cared for makeup. I’m turning 23 and still don’t feel the need to invest in it...should I be worried?

Do you own a tripod for your camera? We used to, but I have not seen it in a long time.

Are your nails always painted?  They never are.

What's one thing you've had a toxic reaction to? A breakup. < This was true for me too, at least for a time. Another one would be the barbecue that my uncle bought for a family gathering once that was definitely contaminated with something...shit gave me food poisoning at 3 AM and made me think my half-naked self was going to die right then and there in the bathroom.

Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for?  We only ever decorate for Christmas, so I guess it wins by default.

Were you popular in school? By the second half of high school I was hanging out with the popular groups and getting invited to popular kid things, but I never wanted to claim to be popular myself. I still liked letting my friends take the spotlight.

Are there any foods that often give you heartburn or indigestion?  Is there something you intend to buy in the near future?  Is anyone in your family artistically talented? What about musically? What cute behaviors or characteristics does/do your pet(s) have?  What's the screensaver on your computer?  Crossing these out as I believe this survey is a shuffle of questions from many different surveys...? and I have already answered these five in a past survey I recently finished.

What’s the sexiest thing about a guy? I don’t really care for guys, I think... I still haven’t made up my mind about them yet, but all I know is I definitely have not felt seriously attracted to any irl man my whole life.

What’s the sexiest thing about a girl?  THIGHS

Who were you with at midnight on January 1, 2021?  Who was the last person to send you a message on social media?  ^ What qualities does this person have, that you appreciate? What was the last thing that caused you to scowl, or frown?  Have you smiled at any point during the last hour?  What was the last thing you consulted Google for? So, did anyone send you a "Happy New Year" message when midnight hit? When was the last time you were on a carousel?  What is the closest you have ever been to an elephant? Have you ever played Halo?  Have you ever read a National Geographic magazine?  When was the last time you had a pillow fight?  Name somebody who you think deserves more respect: In your own words, define what the word sexy means.  What is the most popular tourist attraction where you live?  Without looking - do you know what brand your underwear is? Are you any good at volleyball?  Have you ever had a water balloon fight?  Same situation as above. What an interesting order of questions, hehe. Still having fun with this though!

Do you think some babies are ugly?  Newborns are super wrinkly and make the strangest facial expressions from time to time. That won’t stop me from cooing at them, though.

Don’t you miss Chuck E. Cheese? I’ve never been there. Is it like a standard birthday party events place for kids?

Do you think Fall Out Boy is gonna be a classic band, like Queen or AC/DC? In time, maybe. 

Do you love stuff-crusted pizza?  Yessssss.

Do you apply lotion after you bathe? I don’t, but I should probably pick it up as a habit seeing how dry my skin can get.

What’s your favorite color? Pastel pink. < Same!

Who did you have your most amazing kiss with? Gabie.

Has a YouTube video of yours ever gotten over 10,000 views? I’ve never even posted a video on YouTube.

Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? Not my spot of choice, so maybe not.

Do you like Robert Frost poems?  I’m only familiar with one and I’m having a little trouble remembering it rn haha.

Do you go to church every Sunday?  We used to go to church, yeah; back when it was okay to. Our local church has allowed face-to-face masses again (but with very limited attendees) but my mom has preferred for us to stay home, so for the last few months we’ve been watching livestreams of Sunday mass every week.

Have you ever been in a relationship on-and-off for more than a year?  I would say Gab and I were on-and-off, but it went on a lot longer than a year. The total time would amount to six years.

If you had to get famous for one of the following, which would you choose: music, acting, writing, modeling? Writing. Or modeling, if I could only pull it off.

What do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? I seriously don’t care. I skip out on bras all the time because I honestly personally don’t need them, and everyone should be allowed to feel and act the same way.

What is the last thing you tried on in a store? I never do this. Even before Covid, I’ve felt iffy about trying clothes that many others have already put on and were probably not washed 100% well. I’d rather get something, try it on at home, decide if it’s a good fit or not, and then return it ASAP if it ends up being the latter.

Is sleeping naked more comfortable than in clothes?  My mom doesn’t knock so I’ve always been scared to try sleeping naked (and she also throws a fit if she catches me locking my door, which is like - then why did you even buy a doorknob with a lock??), but I definitely see the appeal.

Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone?  Yes for the more part lmao, but I don’t know if I’ve ever made out in a dream.

Do you feel as though you have a good memory, or are you forgetful at times? Do you feel that your short-term memory or long-term memory is better? Have you ever had a concussion or some other sort of brain injury before?  Do you have any sort of mental illnesses or disorders? What do they involve?  What’s the longest that your hair has ever been? How about the shortest? When is the last time that you got it cut? What are some ways that you style your hair? Do you use any sorts of products in it?  Who was the last person to truly get on your nerves? What do you think caused you to feel that way? 

Do you recycle? Is this through choice or do you live somewhere where it’s compulsory? Through choice. Waste management is sadly not much of a priority here, if at all.

Do you prefer plain, carbonated, or flavored water? Do you think you drink enough water throughout the day?  I have never tried the latter two. Water has always been tasteless and plain to me, and I never understood the point of customizing something that’s meant to be tasteless and uncarbonated. There are days where I’m able to have several glasses and other days where I unconsciously skip out on water until dinner.

Have you ever needed to call the police, ambulance, or fire department? Fortunately I’ve never had to call any of these.

When was the last time you visited the library? What was the purpose of your visit? I wasssssss maybe having something printed? If it wasn’t that, I was probably returning a book.

Do you see a lot of wild animals where you live? Are any of them dangerous? None of that here, especially since I live in the city. A sighting of a wild animal outside of a zoo or eco-park would definitely make national news, like that time an ostrich was seen running around a private village many months ago.

Aside from when you were born, have you ever had to stay the night in the hospital? Yep, from a dengue scare that turned out to be just a simple low platelet count.

Have you ever experienced a panic attack?  Yes, but they are extremely rare. The last time I had one was maybe two or three years ago. Unfortunately I think all my panic attacks were caused by and involved my mom.

Would you ever want to go into the medical profession? Was your answer different pre-COVID?  For a time, when I was hating journalism in college, I was daydreaming about the idea of shifting to biology and making the drastic swerve to med school. But I knew a love of memorizing and biology topics won’t be enough for me to be successful in the medical field, so I quickly shot the idea down.

Where you live, are people paying attention to whatever restrictions are in place to help control COVID? Many? People are definitely following and have been obedient with protocol in different places. Some cities are also still strict with maintaining their checkpoints and banning tourists from entering their area just yet. It’s the government that hasn’t really been making the effort to put measures to contain the virus.

Do you get a real or artificial Christmas tree?  Artificial. I don’t know if getting real trees for Christmas trees is a thing here.

What’s your favourite type/flavor of popcorn?  Cheddar cheese.

Do you drink oat milk? Nopes. I’d like to try it just to say that I have (and I might end up loving it too), but I have yet to look up what foods or drinks it works best with.

Do you love thrifting?  Sure, sometimes I get good finds from it.

Do you consider using only lowercase letters your aesthetic?  Sometimes I’ll use it in a Powerpoint or a tweet, but I wouldn’t say it’s an aesthetic that defines me as a person.

Do you say “mood?”  Too much.

Do you own fairy lights?  No. I wanted those before, but I’m not so sure if I still do now.

Do you own glass straws because the metal ones kind of gross you out because you can’t tell if they are clean or not? I don’t own glass straws. Most places have changed their cups into a design that you can sip directly from, anyway.

Have you made a TikTok? No, don’t care.

Do you own airpods?  No, but would like a pair.

Are you afraid of Mercury in retrograde? I really don’t care.

Do you make life choices based on astrology?  No, I don’t believe in it. It scares me how much some people rely on it and use it as an actual moral compass or judgment system. It doesn’t harm anyone so I never actively speak out against astrology, but it scares me nonetheless.

How many pairs of converse shoes do you own?  One pair. I used to own another one, but my mom threw it out several years ago.

Number of jeans in your closet:  I would say like 10-12.

What accent do you have?  Philippine English/Americanized Filipino, I guess.

Do you have a big butt? I’d say it’s decently-sized.

Do you count how long you and your gf/bf have been together? Yeah, before.

Have you graduated?  Both high school and college, yup.

Rihanna or Lady GaGa?  I like Rihanna’s music more, but I love Gaga’s outfits, concepts, and stage presence more. Do you use fake eyelashes?  No. I had to use them twice, but I’d never seek them out on my own.

Which was the last book that really captivated you? It’s been a while since I encountered a book like this.

What makeup brands do you use?  I don’t use makeup.

[ofaylin]

⌠ BAHAR SAHIN, 19 CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, AYLIN KALELI! according to their records, they’re a SECOND year, specializing in LINGUISTICS, CULTURE, & ASSIMILATION; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (hair pulled back with a chanel ribbon, lycra boots with razor blades in the heel, champagne and french macarons in a bubble bath, wiping your tears with a $100 bill). when it’s the (leo)’s birthday on 8/3/00 they always request their FRENCH FRIES from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. 

hi, hello, i’ve been sitting on this idea for a while and i was going to wait until june but with all these new characters i just got too excited ?! so, fuck it, i’m here now, i can’t help myself. for plots, feel free to message me here on tumblr or hmu on discord @ #kati7600, but check out her intro below the cut ! // ty @gallagherintro​

INSPIRATION.

bex baxter – gallagher girls

carmen cortez – spy kids

blair waldorf – gossip girl

cher horowitz – clueless

torrance shipman – bring it on

jackie burkhart – that 70s show

BACKGROUND.

both of her parents work for the national intelligence organization of turkey, they’re big shots and they make a lot of money! she has two older sisters and she’s born into a world of wealth and expectations. it won’t take her long to learn more languages than years she has lived, and waking up early to run drills and do obstacle courses with her sisters is routine.

picture perfect on the outside, the household within goes through turmoil. her mother is promoted to the director of the NIO and it puts a strain on her parent’s relationship. her father starts taking more business trips, and aylin and her sisters spend nights sitting on the top of the stairs, listening in on phone conversations. aylin’s the youngest, so she doesn’t really understand what’s going on and needs to have it broken down. 

aylin had always LOVED her parent’s love story – they met on a mission and they were partners for years, it’s all very romantic. so the divorce leaves her confused. how could you stop loving someone? how could you just give up?

both of her parents are an active part of her life, the divorce is...fairly amicable and they share custody. the only thing aylin doesn’t like is her father’s new girlfriend, young and totally uninvolved in the world of espionage. the girl could be her sister. aylin spends her time split between two houses, half-belonging to each, but her parents feel GUILTY so aylin quickly learns how to use that guilt to get what she wants, whether it’s freedom or material goods. 

she’s a little spoiled, but it doesn’t satisfy her. nothing really does, it just makes her feel sort of empty, so she works harder, filling time with books and training with her older sisters who tell her cool stories from their spy prep schools and teach aylin things they’ve learned when they come home for breaks. aylin long for the day when she’s not splitting your time between other people’s homes and she’s in a place that she can really call her own.

she goes to the same spy prep school that her older sisters did in london. she’s competitive from the get-go because she’s a kelali and people already expect things from her to begin with. she smiles when people call her by her sister’s name or mention her mother, but inside she’s seething, eager to prove that she’s good because she works hard, not because she’s someone’s sister or daughter.

it’d be a lie to say that aylin didn’t step on a few toes, and the way she skyrocket to valedictorian is a little less than savory – she reports her competition for illicit activities, and...perhaps she planted something in their locker idk!!! 

she has her pick of spy prep colleges across the nation, but her mom really encourages her to choose gallagher. why? that’s weird, her mom never went there and neither does the rest of her family! but aylin really likes the idea of a place that’s all hers and she’s always wanted to see america, so she chooses it. she’s a bit smug about being ahead of others because she’s been reading books on espionage since age 4, and if you don’t know sixteen languages, stay out of her way. 

PERSONALITY:

PROUD. aylin is a very proud person, she grew up in an affluent household with important parents. when faced with a challenge, it’s her pride that tends to motivate her to be the best because she feels like she has something to prove, and she’ll turn her nose up at you until she gets it. this also makes her stubborn.

INTELLIGENT. aylin was raised in an environment where she was being trained since her childhood, knowing about espionage since she could speak, but she also has an iq of 122, so not quite genius level but she’s getting there. she’s the head cheerleader type that you’d be surprised is actually really good at math.

HARD-WORKING. queen of taking on too many extracurriculars at all times! honestly she tends to overexert herself until she burns out, but she wants it all – the exciting social life, the straight As, the meaningful connections, the parties, when does she sleep? maybe never.

SNOBBISH. honestly, she doesn’t mean to come off as a snob but she definitely does because she hasn’t really known anything other than crystal dishware and fancy clothes. she doesn’t even comprehend that other people don’t come from the same place of privilege that she has.

FUN-LOVING. the girl you want to party with! just because she’s a good student, she wouldn’t want you to think that she doesn’t know how to have a good time. aylin operates in extremes, so she parties just as hard as she studies and has a tendency to get carried away, but let it be known that she’s doing this for herself and not for anyone else’s attention.

MANIPULATIVE. aylin will step on toes to get what she wants, and she’s not scared to fight dirty. she tends to stay in the lines of what’s legal of course, but if she sees a window into getting what she wants, she’ll say what she needs to in order to get it. honestly, she can be a bit callous with the way she uses people and doesn’t always understand the effects of her actions. she would tell you that the ends justify the means. yikes.

INDEPENDENT. doesn’t need you or anyone else and wants you to know it. her confidence is genuine and real, and she doesn’t attribute any of her accomplishments to her family name – she’s not insecure about it, she knows that she’s good at what she does.  

HEADCANONS.

started school early, so she’s a bit young for her grade by a year. she sees this as a positive thing and will brag to you about how she’s younger AND smarter. annoying.

acts like she really likes healthy food and eats a salad in public ( will tell you that’s her favorite food ) but she’s weak for things that are greasy and fried and will be pigging out in secret. her favorite food is french fries but you probably wouldn’t guess that about her ! 

languages she knows: english, french, turkish, arabic, german, kurmanji, italian, dutch, spanish, mandarin, japanese, latin, hindustani, malay, russian, bengali. some are better than others and some she reads more than she can really speak. 

taught herself to skateboard since coming to america since it seemed like the thing to do based on watching american films. she will ride her little penny board in high heels and loves it ! and you thought i couldn’t make her more annoying !

tons of expensive lingerie but u can look but don’t touch. 

bisexual but still not interested in you. 

leo with a virgo rising and cancer moon. i am so SORRY ! 

WANTED CONNECTIONS. 

SERENA TO HER BLAIR. literally her best friend ever, but they probably have a sort of on-off friendship because they’re strong personalities and get in each other’s business. however, when it comes down to it, they’ll always put the other first and they love each other immensely, would kill a man for the other. but they’re also pretty competitive too. 

GIRL SQUAD. i just want her to have a couple close girl friends that are all close...you know. i would love if one of them was more subdued and totally chill about everything, maybe a wallflower type, and then another that’s kind of nerdy ? but also cool, you know. i’m just dreaming. 

EX/BESTIE. aylin and this person used to date like forever ago, but mutually decided that they made better friends than romantic partners. they care about each other a lot, and they probably make jokes about how they USED to date. a healthy ex connection basically !

ON/OFF THING. because for every healthy ex i also want something kind of toxic. essentially it’s not good for either of them and they just keep going back to each other because, well, it’s a place of comfort or whatever. they drive each other fucking crazy though and no one can keep up with whether they hate each other’s guts today or if they’re all heart eyes.

SWORN ENEMY. but for a justified reason, like aylin probably screwed them over for something academic or even in a campus club or something. if your character went to a spy prep school, maybe they’re the person that aylin screwed out of the valedictorian role ? might submit a WC for that cause. fun.  

PROJECT. like my fair lady, be aylin’s eliza doolittle, let her she’s the man you, whatever. essentially, your character might by shy, nervous, or new to the spy world and aylin wants to give them a metaphoric ( or maybe even physical ! ) makeover and help them get acclimated, teach them the ways of the world. i’m also picturing that pic of the lesbians, u know what i mean. i can’t find it, but i google searched “girl doing the other girls makeup, gay” 

FORBIDDEN FRIENDSHIPS/LOVE. idk something totally not allowed. if this was sooner i’d want her ass to have a crush on a witness protection kid. however, her parents work for the turkish NIO, so perhaps your muse’s parents or family have been involved in something rivaling that so they’re not supposed to get along. 

MARRIED COUPLE FRIENDS. these are friends that are so close that they’re practically a married couple?? i’d love to do a platonic m/f thing with this, where they fight and get on to each other like they’re married but love each other like it too. lil grandparents of their friend group.

CRUSHER. someone who has a crush on her, probably because they’re fascinated with the idea of her and not her true problematic self. she’d probably be kinda rude to them and i’d love to plot this out long enough for that crush to turn to dislike once they recognize the selfish parts of her or notice she’s been making fun of them. maybe a flipped scenario.

ONE NIGHT STAND. maybe after a few too many drinks, they hooked up. something recent so we can make it super awkward and potentially funny. 

SET-UP. your character’s parents are close friend’s with aylin’s and they’re trying to set aylin up with your character. aylin and your character are NOT compatible at all and it’s hilarious. 

OVERSEAS. they met while they were both abroad together one summer, and they accidentally got into some trouble with international police maybe just for being too drunk on the streets or acting stupid, climbing stuff. aylin considers your character a liability and has avoided them since, disregarding the fun times they had.

RIVALS/ENEMIES WITH SEXUAL TENSION.

EXISTING CONNECTIONS.

NAZ FARHI. her cousin. the two of them don’t NOT get along...but aylin really thought she would come to a school and be the only one of her family members there and then naz showed up ! determined to make it clear that she’s the best. 

JO TRAN. rival/dislike. took one of the upper-level courses because she could and her attitude got on jo’s nerves because what doesn’t get on jo’s nerves. aylin’s just the epitome of everything that pisses jo off. 

KASSANDRA SUTTON. bad friend to. one of those friendships where one person takes more than they give, and it’s not ON PURPOSE, but kass is really just so easy to take advantage of, aylin’s ALWAYS running to her when she needs a favor. 

[ottorocket808]

Chapter Four: Will the Wise

Joyce flyin into this parking is funny to me she’s on red alert right now.

I would’ve slapped Will. If I keep shaking you like she is and you won’t wake up get ready for the big face open palm slap. The Will gettin infected scene makes me super uncomfortable.

Bruh they got two dining room tables Joyce is doing her thing with the decorating. There you go Joyce connect the dots. You can’t help but feel bad for Will mans was violated by a gigantic shadow creature.

Yup he’s pissed. Pause, Hop when did El lie? Picking a fight with a child is a bad idea picking a fight with a child who can throw you across the room with her mind is a way worse idea. She asked that lady for directions so duh they saw her but seriously why did she call the police? She put herself in danger Hop nobody wants you they’d only come for you if you get in the way. Timeout you promised her she could leave and then got mad when she left? But she doesn’t want your safety Hop she wants her freedom. Oh yes you do Hop you tell massive lies you just haven’t been caught yet. She followed your rules for 325 days straight that ain’t bad record. I understand that she broke a rule but to take anything from someone who already has so little is fucked up and who takes away Eggos they’re waffles not cookies. You are picking a fight that you can’t win Hop. Why not just take the antenna off why rip out the power cable? That was fucked up that was a low blow if I ever saw one how can you claim to care for her but then tell her you’ll send her back to the lab? She’s 13 Hop how grown do you expect her to be? You need to learn how proper conflict resolution. All Hop had to do was talk to her calmly he had hours to calm down this shit could’ve been avoided. But noooo he had to come in hot and now she busted every window in the main area of the house and knocked over the bookshelf in front of his bedroom door.

He was in a dumpster what do you expect?

I’d feel like something was horribly wrong if I was scared to take a bath.

Just apologize Hop you fucked up she fucked up be the adult and lead the way. You ripped the power cord out you can’t fix that you now have to buy a new tv because you lost your temper on a 13 year old girl.

Joyce is wearin Flo out this morning they all need walkies so they can talk to each other because Joyce is probably losing her mind because Hop doesn’t have a phone.

Not the biggest Billy fan but he’s not wrong plant your feet. Further proof that this asshole is not and was never Steve’s friend I want Billy to fuck ol dudes girl just because he’s so fucking irritating.

Her and Jonathan are putting their families at risk even though they both signed confidentiality agreements basically saying that everything they know never happened they’d both be buried if this was real all she needs to do is cry, admit her guilt to herself, and stop having dinner with Barbs parents. Oh don’t try to run now you were stupid the government could literally ship them away never to be heard from again.

Mans is chillin literally without a shirt with every window and door open in November Indiana.

Cmon Dustin Cmon Lucas y’all know there are certain things she can’t know without putting her life at risk y’all legit almost died last year do y’all want that on you conscience if she dies because y’all brought her into it?

It really was a mistake the gate itself wasn’t supposed to be opened El did it on accident and this man is not personally responsible for Barb’s death so what exactly is Nancy looking for? Oh yeah to make herself feel better by blaming other people for the outcome her selfish ass actions drove. Foreshadowing. Heavy Russian foreshadowing. Nah they still don’t fully grasp it at all doc they wanna tell on you and get you thrown in jail for something you didn’t do and get a new group to do what you’re doing monitoring The Upside Down.

Hop since you enjoy acting like El’s father do you plan on telling anyone where you’re goin to help make sure that you make it home safely? No? ok. Super responsible parenting from the prideful man baby.

I ain’t mad at Max I’d feel the same way but she also knows that Mike don’t want her in The Party or even to be her friend so I’m not 100% sure why she’s upset. What the fuck is that supposed to mean Billy?? Why can’t she hang out with Lucas?

I googled it to see what the actor thought about his character mans basically said he’s threatened at the thought of other men entering his circle and Max unfortunately for Lucas is in that circle it’s a damn shame his dad damaged him so much that he can’t have a regular relationship with a single guy unless he knows they’re BETA.

But didn’t Hop just tell us last night that he doesn’t lie he does a bunch of other crap that’s a big ass lie to tell a little girl that her mother is dead when you know she isn’t and you have a box full of paperwork on her hidden in your cellar.

Joyce, Joyce, Joyce you can’t block Party members out they love Will too and look out for him just like you do.

For a place as big on security as they are they were stupid for not searching them both before letting them into the building or at least before letting them leave.

This is nothing more than a way for her to feel less guilty it doesn’t matter what happened in that lab Barb would’ve been safe at home if it wasn’t for Nancy

I wouldn’t have picked that up it looks disgusting. Well that’s terrifying poor Mews.

I’m still disappointed in Hop this is irresponsible af. Bruh call for backup tell the scientists what you found anything is better than dropping into the Upside Down with only your revolver as a weapon which you know is useless against anything down there guns didn’t stop the Demogorgon El did.

[jazillia007]

Thoughts on 2x13 - Part 1

So first of all, I have to say I'm very glad I didn't watch the episode live with the emotions coming in left and right and all the drama happening in the fandom right after the episode.

I watched the episode knowing what's coming, so that was kinda cheating on my part but it definitely helped to focus on everything else happening in the episode.

Overall I can say it was a terribly written episode – it felt like a episode quickly written in case Good Girls didn't get a renewal (season 2 had obviously finished filming when it got its renewal, so they definitely didn't think about whether it would feel out of character or moving too fast.)

Because – and I don't care if I get hate for this – I could see Brio ending up in a situation like they ended up in this episode. But let's talk about the other things first.

Annie and Noah (because it's quick):

I never really cared about them. I don't care about Noah having a kid – trying to make it all okay he did lie to Annie and raped her by deception. So you guys talked it out and now it's okay? No, thanks. And do I think he will leave? Well only season 3 will tell. Also I was low-key grossed out by Annie sitting on the toilet doing her business while talking to Noah. They still know eachother for 5 minutes and I just think it's gross. (I know there are couples who do this kind of stuff but personally my toilet business is my toilet business. lol)

Boomer – Marion – Redemption – WTF?:

First of all: why did we need Boomer to be alive again? After watching episode 12 I was like „okay maybe there is a reason why the writers messed with us“ but now I just think it was really for the shocker and mostly cringeworthy scenes.

The dining room scene was terrible. Who wrote it? Jenna, was that you?

Boomer being like „I'm gonna change my face and nobody will recognize me“. Like what? This felt straight out of a Korean drama (if anyone is watching Korean drama, you all know what I mean). It was way too long, way too over the top and not funny. And then Boomer is coming at the 3 women with Jeff? How does he know about Jeff? Did I miss anything? Did I miss Mary Pat telling him about her husband? People in the fandom, help me out! Did I zoom out while this conversation happened?

But also: I don't get Beth's reasoning here. Ruby is right! Get rid off the rest of Jeff and call the cops on Boomer! Heck, why didn't they tell Boomer about how he should shut up about Jeff when he is dirty himself. All the business in Fine & Frugals aside he is also a rapist.

And then, you have Marion driving him to the cops?

Okay, I know a lot of people don't like it that they somewhat gave these two a half-ass written redemption arc. Like Marion is a racist granny and Boomer is... well he is Boomer. Basically he is trash, okay?

But putting aside my personal aversion to these two, I actually liked that Marion did what she did. In the end she knew Boomer was stealing from her and all that. And the way he ordered her around in the beginning of the episode, I was like „Marion, grow a backbone!“. So in that regard, I liked it.

BUT Boomer got away too easily. Neither Annie nor Mary Pat got their chance to tell him off. Will he go to prison? Or get away just like that? I believe unfortunately he will.

Like I said it's half-ass written and not satisfying at all. Just like the episode overall.

Beth's „reasoning“:

I know Beth is a woman with flaws. To a point I feel second-hand embarassement watching her making the same mistakes over and over again. She does and did many decisions which made me facepalm throughout each episode. But some decisions were reasonable or at least understandable for someone without any experience and a certain naivety. We can't expect Beth to be this professional criminal, just like Rio is.

As some pointed out she does make rash decisions when she feels cornered but in this episode I couldn't make sense out of her decisions at all.

How exactly would it help her to pay Boomer money for the crazy facial surgery and for everything else? I'm Ruby in this scene who can't make sense of Beth. Didn't she learn a thing?

If you don't take care of your rotten egg it will spread like a disease – if there is one lesson Beth should remember it's this one – and Boomer is certainly someone who would always come back no matter what, to blackmail and for more cash.

Same with her turning herself in. It showed she was always the caregiver in this group of 3 women and I understand she believes that turning herself in would stop Turner going after the Hills and Annie.

BUT again this falls flat because why would you turn yourself in for the murder of Leslie Petersen aka Boomer when he is alive and well? It would've made sense IF Beth, Ruby and Annie didn't know Boomer was still alive and they genuinely thought the body was his. But that's not the case.

I can't believe they didn't come up with something else. Any fan theory/idea was better than what the writers gave us in this episode.

It's such lazy writing.

Beth the „King“?:

This makes no sense to me at all, not just throughout the whole last bit of the episode but the show so far.

I know some in the fandom wouldn't mind Beth doing her own business without Rio. And all I can ask is: but HOW!?

It's not like I wouldn't agree but if anything that would be a plot I could see happening at the end of season 3 if well-written. In the end we want Beth and Rio to be equals and that can't be achieved – even with a 50/50 deal. Why? Because even with the 50/50 deal, Beth is still 100% not involved in anything going on behind the scenes. For example how Rio perfected his counterfeit money business or his „drug“ business.

I'm also pretty sure Rio didn't tell Beth his recipe how to make the fake cash as legit as possible. In the end he can't trust her enough with these details.

Yes, she can google stuff but I had to laugh quiet a lot at Beth being so proud for producing fake cash with Dean's printer. Okay...

(Also on a sidenote: is it healthy to bake money in chemicals in the same oven you would usually cook your meals in?)

And she is bringing in a random divorced mom who is a designer? Since when is she friends with someone else aside from Ruby and Annie?

I know everyone got to start somewhere but if the season finale proved one thing for sure: it's Beth not being ready for what is ahead of her. She is high on power but to me she came out as weak after shooting Rio. This isn't how I wanted to see Beth to get her own business – again makes no sense at all how she can do it and make as much cash as Rio. He worked for YEARS in this crime world – and certainly she is no King to me.

But I think she will realize that pretty quickly in season 3 that everything isn't that easy. And I can't wait for her to come in touch with other – far less pleasant than Rio – gangsters in town. Plus with her way of not dealing with problems it's likely not going to end well for her.

Dean – Redemption? - WTF 2.0:

The worst thing for me in this episode apart from the shooting scene was probably how they portrayed the relationship between Beth and Dean.

It's Boomer redemption all over again. Lazy writing 101.

But fair enough I didn't see it as Beth and Dean coming back together. I just think in this episode full of self-inflicted turmoil and stress she sought comfort in the person she had been with for 20 years. That's all.

Which doesn't excuse that Dean basically got away with the following things:

he is a cheater. Like he cheated multiple times on Beth.

and he used the lie about sex addiction as a reason why he cheated on her because she wouldn't let him touch while she suffered from post-partum depression.

Dean is also a lying liar because he lied about having CANCER in season 1 because he wanted to keep his property aka his wife.

he undermined Beth's abilities as a businesswoman – let's put aside the crime stuff, she is a LOT better at Dean's job which he HATES.

he also reduces Beth to being a housewife and mother and talks down to her – I've not forgotten his sandwich cookie cutter comment.

he is also unable to get another job because we know how he is, he is unable not to con his own customers and possible future employers can see that from a mile away – but Beth is like „well then it wasn't meant to be?“ like what? Are you serious?

And all seems forgotten now and we get to see Beth and Dean and how they probably were as a not really happy but at least functional couple.

It's almost as if the writers try to gloss over Dean's nonsense because if you look at what Beth did and does it's far worse than what Dean did.

And that's terrible! It's not okay. Because Beth had to do what she did because of Dean! Dean is the reason for all the crap going down in Beth's life. If anything she should blame Dean, not Rio and maybe not even herself...

I can't watch Good Girls as a tv show for female empowerment when Beth doesn't get to call Dean out on his bullshit. And he has the audicity to ask „what went wrong with us?“??

You went wrong, Mister! And Beth didn't get to say it because her look says it all but she just wants to avoid any further conflict.

And that's not okay. It's like the writers gave Beth a muzzle in these scenes and wouldn't let her say what she obviously thinks.

And I’m not even sad about Beth and Dean getting along as parents. Like that's a good decision. Because in the end they have 4 kids and they should be functional as parents.

I'm simply baffled how poorly written Beth's and Dean's conflict is or the lack of addressing it. And that the writers apparently want to have these two in the same house for another season.

I simply have no words anymore.

[solonerdbird]

My review of the first 12 episodes of the anime Carole and Tuesday, the English dubbed version, currently on Netflix.

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Mumble Jumble Transcription:

Hi, this is K.S. Garner and you’re listening to the Solo Nerd Bird Podcast and today I want to talk about Carole and Tuesday, the first twelve episodes that are on Netflix, currently. [This is] part one of the [review] since there’s only twelve episodesI believe as of today September 26th of 2019 is only 23 episodes it maybe 24, I'm not sure as of right now so we’ll jump straight into the Introduction which is actually the production of the show just to give everybody their credit so no one gets upset with me.

So the original story was created by Shinichiro Watanabe, the same creator of Samurai Champool, Space Dandy and my personal favorite Space Cowboy. Like I have the ship, I can't name it right now but I have it [tattooed] on me right now and I’m thinking about getting another one I'm not really sure yet. So it was produced by Bones Studio which they've also done Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, My Hero Academia, Mob Psycho 100 just to name a few and the music is by flyingDog Studios or Productions I’m not really sure what they will go by and it was founded in 1997 and if you ever Google flying dog the studio or Productions that does music it’s actually stylized as a lowercase ‘f’ and a capital ‘D’ all one word. Yeah, it took me awhile to actually find it. But like I said, Netflix is airing Carole and Tuesday and they bought the international distribution rights to it and so they're airing the English dubbed version of it and they aired it August 30th of 2019 but the original show in his native Japanese Ashley are April 10th of 2019 like I said we're sticking to the American or English dub version currently on Netflix.

So, let’s get straight into it. Who are Carole and Tuesday. So I'm going to recite the blurb that's on of their official website which is, ‘A chance meeting brings them together. They want to sing. They want to make music. Together they feel like they might just have a chance.’ Carole herself she is, I guess you can say the African-American, I'm not sure if she was even American but she talks with an American accent she's the African-American character on the show she's an orphan works odd part time jobs to make ends meet while living in her landlord's former storage unit. Tuesday, obviously if Carol was the black girl Tuesday is the white girl who’s family considers her to be lazy, unmotivated, with no aspirations in life other than to create and play music. So they both meet on this bridge, like Carol just got fired from one of her odd part time jobs again and being on this bridge while playing her piano and Tuesday’s just captivated by this girl and they all girls,they’re both teenagers in America they’re both still minors. Anyway, they are girls so I'm going to be referring to them as girls or maybe ladies or women but they are technically still anyway when they both me on the bridge. Like I said Tuesday's just captivated by Carole while she’s playing her piano but then they get run off byt security because they’re not supposed to be playing on the bridge. But they meet back up at Carole’s apartment and they just start exchanging their vastly different upbringings, right, and it's just, this is just the beginning of this very beautiful, loyal friendship and quote on quote “the driving force behind the Miraculous 7 Minutes”. There’s just visions of the miraculous 7 Minutes in the beginning of every episode. it's like Gus who’s actually their manager, you'll get to see where he comes into play maybe what I want to say about the second, the second episode, it's not a spoiler, I promise. But he comes into play and he describes, you know,it was this miraculous time it those 7 minutes and you know we'll get into that part but right now we have to go all the way back to how they met and how I met them and how we got to this point, right. 

In my opinion, this whole thing would be my opinion so in my opinion, as of right now I love this show. The World building combined with past but the ever so relevant pop culture in music from Earth to the current lifestyle and environment on Mars has Shinichiro written all over it just like I said I'm getting a lot of Cowboy Bebop feels I'm actually getting a lot of Steven Universe feels too which is probably why I really like this show. It has those musical elements I think combined with the action adventure and the loyalty of the friendship and friendship is tested at some point not even at some point like throughout these 12 episodes, the first twelve episodes and if this is what it is in the first twelve episodes I wonder what they’re going to do in the next 12 right. 

The Musical part, like I said just give me a lot of Steven Universe feels. I'm not really big into musicals as I would like to be but this is definitely, you're scratching the surface of musicals so the musical part, there’s supposed to be a soundtrack release it actually just got pushed back there was a post on their Instagram page that is going to be pushed back I think like maybe another month but there is no official release date. I personally don't skip into the next episodes like you wouldn't, like with other shows you just skip right into it instead of waiting for it to count down for a bathroom break like I don't need a bathroom break. These episodes are only like 20 minutes long if you just skip straight into it. I don't even bother doing that. The opening sequence, the opening theme song just me and the closing theme song “Hold Me Down”, I mean, “Hold Me Now” I sorry. They’re super, super catchy and I find myself…

[horrendous singing] 

I can't wait for the soundtrack I'm going to be going to get in my car I just I can't wait anyway the main vocalist are as follows Carole is played by I believe you pronounce her name is Nai Bri.XX Tuesday by Celeina Ann. I believe her name is Alisa, she voices Angela, she’s like their musical rival. You have Crystal who’s voiced by Lauren Dyson and Skip was played by the musician Thundercat. I don’t think I ever heard of that before Thundercat before this show but I'm definitely following him now and I'm definitely getting a lot of Thundercat in Skips cuz at first I thought okay Skips is kind of like a muscular Childish Gambino who doesn't rap. He just kind of like does all the singing parts and he plays an electrical guitar. But once I looked up Thundercat and his music, I was like, okay, was this character actually made for Thundercat. I'm getting a lot of Thundercat in Skips,  Skip. Skips is from Regular Show, not to be confused. But then again he's the one that probably wrote the songs so it makes a lot more sense. And then with Crystal she's like the Beyonce of Mars. Beyonce has transcended onto Mars and this is what it is, you know. So I just, that's what I'm getting with them. Like I said before I even found out about Thundercat, I was referring to him like a Childish Gambino even like Pharrell again that doesn't rap he just does all the singing parts and he plays the guitar like maybe [coughs] excuse me, like Lenny Kravitz. I only picked those artists cause those are the ones that I like, come straight to mind for me they just happened to be black artists. I think I picked black artists because Skip is black (??) but you can watch, just go and watch the show. I highly recommend watching it that's why I'm doing this for you. Highly recommend you watch it and it's alright. 

So there’s another part of the show that made me a little bit hesitant with watching it. It was the fact that Carole, the black girl is African American or black like I just said and she's one of the title characters. I was kind of afraid of how they were going to portray her, like she has dreadlocks and she's not Bohemian but she kind of skips to her own beat. And I like, erm, I kinda wonder how they’re going to do this but there is no type of racial prejudice on this show I guess because it’s the martial environment is on its humans and AI with or like robots whatever you want to call them. That's pretty much it on this show. It’s not like humans and a variety of creatures like on Star Trek or Star Wars, you know, living together anything like that it's just humans and AI. But I, from what I can see there’s no real prejudices. I mean, there’s gender that comes into play, like the scale of gender that varies or that could possibly very. I don't want to touch too much on that because then that would be a spoiler and we don't do spoilers, no we do not! But like I said, they did a really good job. There was at one-point where there was like, like a gangster rapper or that he was going to try to do something like that but then it was like the exact opposite. That's what I was hoping for and that's exactly what they did. He did the exact opposite of what he physically, what he visually look like, what he tried to portray himself because I'm pretty sure other people of color other black people specifically since the title character is black can relate to this about how they'll watch something that they're interested in but then they get into it and the characters being betrayed as one of those stereotypes. You know big lipped, overly sexualized, lazy, pipe smoking, hip-hop loving & ghetto fab, baggy clothed; co-worker, mistress, hobo or a dangerous person that the protagonist is told to avoid at all times or you see them, cross the street every chance you get but thankfully this isn't it. 

Shinichiro roll portrays Carole as strong-willed, self-sufficient, optimistic, silly and resourceful even from her lack of connections money from a familial network. She isn't bitter, she isn't jaded by being, I guess, being left behind of our family. She's been unable to find a way to get by and live her own life and pretty much define herself. She doesn't throw Tuesday up, Tuesday's up bringing back at her face, like, oh you come from money hey can, I can I get some, you know and you can't do nothing so you might as well on back home like I haven't really no need for you. Whereas Tuesday's ignorant of the world around her and is easily compromised, Carole count steps in I don't even think as a big sister, I kind of see them as equals in a way but Carole shows Tuesday that independence and confidence in herself can bring more competency... competency into her life than the abundance of wealth and connections through her family could ever for her. Like this, this is so much better like with or without money if you're confident in yourself if you understand you know...how to wash your own clothes, how to cook food for yourself, how to finesse your way in and out of these various part-time jobs like Carole has you'll go further in life, you know. You'll do better, maybe not further but you'll do better and you’ll appreciate everything a lot more than just with the use of your money. Just like, you just threw your money at whatever to get whatever you want like this is better than that. Shinichiro, the animators and all of the creators, they've done a wonderful job, right. 

I would like to get more into the musical aspects unfortunately, like I said we (clap) don't (clap) do (clap) spoilers (calp) so highly recommend you watch the show. You know really getting into it like I have watch, listen, decide for yourself. A lot of this like I said he's my own opinion of it, of the characters, of how they have been portrayed, how other characters have (inaudible), have been portrayed. Watch, listen, make up your own minds. If I missed anything, if you want to comment, question, please go ahead and, and send me those comments and questions (laughs). Maybe some concerns maybe you want to expand a little bit more yourself just go ahead and, and shoot me an email my social and my email will be up. And like I said, the show has been great, I can't wait to watch the next 12 episodes. I'm not sure if they're available on, on uh, Crunchyroll yet or if I have to wait another year. I mean so be it. If I have to I will but this show has been really interesting and it's helping me get back into anime slowly so like, I, I can't wait. I tell as many people as I can about this show Carole and Tuesday, is amazing. And when I put up my interest in doing an episode about Carole and Tuesday my Instagram just blew up and so I was like okay let me hurry up and watch the rest of this so I can go ahead and put up my review. So as of right now, this is only the first part. Once I'm able to get my hands on the, um, next 12 episodes I'm going to go ahead and just film the next one for you guys. 

So thanks for listening. This is KS Garner and you have been listening to the Solo Nerd Bird Podcast. 

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[versuswhitescar]

Malam Manor

We all grow up with that once upon a time, crap. When you're little, you believe it. Who believes it as an adult? I mean, really? We have smartphones, rumbas, and clap on lights. No one meets a 17-year-old vampire who supposed to be 52. But I have, and I found his tapes by accident. Now I'm living a filliping ounce upon a time that Anne Rice would drool over. If I don't find the f-ing cave his sister is trapped in, I'm going to be enjoying a lot less sunlight for damn sure.

I know if I could figure out the details, I'll find the cave. And the murderer and maybe be spared, or I fail, and I'm the next Elena Gilbert. I sure hope not.

I'm just a damn tutor who needs money for her master's degree. Why did I even think that posting a flyer online was a good idea? Hell, my only tinder date turned out to be a 300 lb guy catfishing for a date to his sister's wedding. I stupidly, no innocently thought I'd get some pimply high school sophomore struggling through R and J and Shakespeare word salad.

Man, was I wrong? Mr. Cain Haywater answered my ad. Normal name for an average guy, right? Well, who the hell names their kid after the first murder in the Bible, but I'm getting off track. My ancient 98 jeep with more rust than metal is not going up the hill to the "Malam Manor." Later I Google it and turns out the word is Latin for bad. I should have asked Siri sooner. Too late, Cain Haywater a ward of the state. Because he's 17 and wicked rich is paying me 50 bucks an hour to help write his family's history.

This house is unusual in ways I can't even begin to describe. Its windows seem to follow you like eyes while I rev up the circle drive. The brick looks like it's from out of the Hogwarts rejection pile. The height makes it at least three floors, and there's a damn covered entry that carriages pulled under in the 19th century. Besides the semi-creepy outsides, even though it looks well maintained, I'm coming here close to 9 pm. Ounce, the sun is down on the hottest July night in history. I should have done a business major instead of English lit. Follow your bliss, my mom said. What does she know she's a nail tech for the last 12 years. She probably has brain damage from the polish fumes.

I can't imagine anyone hears my lame knock at the gigantic door. But I swear to God it seems like a cat or something opened the door. I thought maybe the heat melted my brain, but it looked like a fuzzy ken doll. It darted behind a curtain. Before I could investigate Cain, hold my breath beautiful, Haywater stands ten feet in front of me in his large foyer in black jeans, skin-tight grey shirt with a badass blue tattoo that seems to have a deep center that radiates over his forearm. I'm shook in so many ways I can barely speak "Nyx, Nyx Jackson?" My name never sounded so smooth coming out of any humans mouth ever. That was when my brain should have clicked over to reality that he wasn't human. He hadn't been human since 1989.

Sadly only 2 hours into my best tutoring gig ever, I discovered Cain Haywater was indeed a real vampire. And his beloved twin sister Danielle, Dani, as he referred to her, was just as dead only traped in a watery caved transformed into a rusalka for the last 34 years. I was Cains's last chance at finding her cave and the wort boyfriend a girl could ask for. Jefferson Granton. A 200-year-old vampire that he needed to kill. My life wasn't fair and only made worse by the fact that I'm sure I'm going to fail, and my last meal was crappy ramen.

It was my stomach and too much curiosity that made me start playing with the vintage tape recorder Cain had on the black walnut desk. He heard my growling belly and while he searched for food. I pressed play. Big mistake, I'm not sure where he went to kill the food, but I listened to almost one side of a cassette tape. The quick spark notes, once he came back with cheese, apples, and fancy crackers to catch me, went fast.  

Back in May of 1986, he and his twin sister were graduating from Xaiver highschool. Somehow she latched on to an older college guy that wandered into town on a semester off to find himself. Jefferson Granton was mesmerizing, according to Cain, tall blond lovely to look at and even more interesting to listen to. He swept naive Danni off her feet on a cross country trip. He had a long term plan. One he had been cooking up for at least 100 years when Cain's family made a fortune in lumber and now stocks.

Jeffy boy started life as Jacarde Gulomar in the Brittany region of France. He accepted the gift of eternal life from a Norse vampire who wanted a mate. Jeff never entirely made his fortune and became a bad luck symbol for the covens all over Europe. Eyes on the new country to the west, he hopped a ship and arrived to wonder the grandness of the US just after the civil war. Comming upon early decedents of the Haywater clan. William Percy Haywater knew the deal equipped each member of the family with a hawthorn stake, holy water, and a warning against a freshly minted newly named Jefferson Granton.

No one fell for him until Danni, with all her beauty and openness, fell in love, and became a target for her trust fund. By the time the twins were 17, their parents were dead at the fate of a drunk driver, and a deaf Aunt looks after them. Danni fell under Jefferson's spell forgetting all caution to follow to the whispering cave. Now oddly in the middle of the mind-melting story, a flash caught my eye, and I met the grandfather like ken doll Cain shared his mansion with.

Pere was a domavoy who kept Cain and Malan safe as much as he could. Cain respects and adored him, so I was polite. Over the next three weeks, I moved in search their land every day when Cain joins me and feasts on Pere's cooking skills. His little face sparkled at each new dish he made for me after decades of blood bags. On steamy Saturday, July 31st, I finally found, or more fell into the mouth of the cave. Much of Cain's memory was erased on the night he watched Jefferson murder Danni while he hogtied in the corner of the damp cave. Only to meet a fate worse than Danni by forcefully being turned and compelled to kill and drain his Aunt of all her blood. Jefferson helps smooth it all over with some compulsion and tricks, but Cain secured his wealth in the next few days only to vanish. He picked a small fishing village in Maine, where he met Gabriel 100-year-old vampire who taught him to live and gave him advice on how to avenge Danni. Gabriel's plan centered on Cain coming home as his namesake's son Cain Haywater II. The mansion and his tie to Danni or Cain's greatest strength. It was clear why Jefferson failed to control them.

The night I stumbled into the cave, I wore my Danni look-alike costume Pere helped me pull together. I looked like a backup dancer on a Wham video. It was. It was to trick Jefferson, but oddly I caught the attention of another creepy creature a leshii in the woods. I thought it was Cain because the voice fit, and I felt drawn to the being. Only when it had led me halfway across the land did I catch a glimpse of its eyes. Pure white scalaris was not a hint of iris or pupil. Taking off back towards the cave, I felt two forces moving me one I can now sense with Cain, and the other I was damn sure was Jefferson. He'd been down a rough road probably because, in life, he was a bit of a narcissist. Only to have that enhanced by his Vampire Life, he thought I was Danni, and he'd Follow Me to Hell to get that money. Once we made it to the rippling silver pond within the cave, I laid eyes on Daniella. My wham costume was a joke compared to her beauty.

She swept as close to us as possible, shouting silently in my brain to turn now. Cain stands between me and Jefferson stake in hand slowly I fell to the wash of a cool breeze flowing over us which I knew mixed with my warm body temp to engulf Cain it was in that moment I saw the vague outline of a man just like he left a speakeasy in 1926. He became more gas-like to almost solid, yet I could still see right through him. He is handsome except for that visible gunshot wound to his right Temple. Why was I surprised that we now have a ghost to add to the mix. Pere spoke of the cave as whispered he claimed someone took their life after the 1920 stock crash here he was with eyes for Danni.

The extraordinary power Cain had wasn't just his home or his connection to his twin. It was that he could feel loved. He survived and lived by keeping his Humanity. I saw beautiful sparkling Jefferson with his flowing blonde hair realize it too. Cains power made the cave hum Jefferson was cocky, and that was very clear. He charged expecting to deflect the steak easily, but with Danni's strength and God help me my feelings for Cain. He drove the stake straight and true into Jefferson's lean chest.

Before I can blink Cain without a blade from his boot and with incredible strength severed the head like clockwork Cain without a new Zippo lighter and flicked it on to Jeffy. Making a roaring vampire candle. Can quickly turn to glance behind making a connection with Danni. "find your bliss" I heard in my head, and I knew Cain heard it too. The 1920s gentleman back into Danni as they drifted further back into the cave. We're only water held the floor we stood still.   "Nyx?" his velvet voice floated over me. I can only gape open mouth, watery eyes, and some snot beginning to flow. At that moment, my stomach rumbled loudly. He smiled a genuinely genuine smile with all the years that he waited. I knew without any doubt Cain Haywater would be in my future Tech probably my whole life, and I smiled too.

Let me know what you think and If you want more 

[dangerousfoxfest]

Collide Chapter 6-Resolution.

Hi all, Happy 2019. As promised the 2nd chapter of today. Enjoy hope the answers have been worth the wait. 

Summary: This storyline takes place after Tariq was not found and the MC name was never cleared. Liam has received news that Madeline who is Queen, has been involved in a car accident in America.

Its a long one 3310 words. 

“Pregnant?” Liam asks “How far along?

“Judging by in her blood results, first trimester possibly 8 weeks” the doctor replied

Liam nodded and began to leave the room. He wondered if she knew, was this the reason for the sudden interest in starting a family-an heir to the throne, Liam shakes his head as he continues to the waiting room. He had to speak with Adelaide, there was so much to sort out.

On return to the waiting room, Liam noticed that Kimmy and Carol had left. Fear hit him “where are they?” Liam asked Drake. “Maxwell took Kimberly for ice cream” Drake replies “she likes dancing almost as much as him, they’ve hit it off somewhat”

“Riley’s mum was okay with Maxwell taking her?” Liam asked shocked.

“Well I think that you being king swayed the whole can the group be trusted thing” drake replied

“She knows I’m a king?” Liam asks

“She does now…Maxwell told her” Drake answered.

“Where is she now?” Asks Liam

“Visiting Riley” Replies Drake.

“Why bring a child to the hospital?” Liam asks shaking his head

“Childminder running late so she was to be collecting here….. Maxwell cancelled it” Drake Replies.

Liam nods and sighs sitting down. She should have told me Drake; how could Olivia keep something as important as that from me?

“I don’t know Liam but she kept it from us all…..but she must have had her reasons Liam….you know Liv…she would never ever….”

“Save it Drake” Liam snaps “I’ll never forgive her for keeping my child from me”

“Liam just speak with her.” Drake concedes “she’ll have her reasons…..besides your angry at the wrong person….Riley never told you either!”

 Liam stands up as he says “I’m going to see where Riley is” Drake nods. After asking at the front desk for Riley’s room, Liam knocks in the door which is answered by Carol. Liam walks into the sterile looking room, Doctor Evans was present with a nurse who was priming the pumps administering the drugs to Riley. Riley lay in the bed her head covered with a carefully placed bandage. Her mouth was invaded by an ET tube connected to a ventilator. Her gown was lowered at the shoulder to reveal a central line connecting the IVs to the numerous beeping machines. Tears fell from Liam’s face, walking over to Riley he leans over to lightly kiss the available space at her mouth, as he does he whispers “why didn’t you tell me we have a little girl…. she’s so beautiful….just like her mother…”

 Liam rests his head on hers for a second before standing straight. “Dr Evans, I think it can be safe now to provide me information on Riley’s status” Dr Evans looks at Riley’s mother who nods. “Yes, your majesty” Dr Evans nods “Miss Holligan was in the back of the car, she was not wearing a seatbelt and suffered extensive injuries. She was brought into the hospital, she went into full cardiac arrest on route to the hospital, however we managed to get her back. There was a significant bleeding on the brain which our neurosurgeon managed to stop in theatre, however it will take some time for the swelling to subside and also to know if there is any long-term damage” “long term damage…” Liam asks “you mean brain damage” Dr Evans nods in agreement.  “Just now” Dr Evans continues we have placed her in a medically induced coma give her body and brain time to heal…… In addition to the head injury we’ve had to remove Miss Holligan’s spleen, and she has liver lacerations…. I won’t lie to you….her injuries as you can see are very extensive and the next 48 are crucial.”

 Liam holds Riley’s hand even tighter squeezing it before bringing it to his lips and kissing the back of her hand. “If you have any questions you can call me, here is my number” says Dr Evans as he holds out his card. Liam takes the card and places it in his pocket as Dr Evans leaves the room.

 “So” Carol says as Dr Evans leaves “how exactly does my daughter know you? And why haven’t you been involved in my grand daughters’ life”

 “I don’t know where to start” Liam replies “but I hope you can answer some things for me too.”

 “Let’s start with the google headlines….shall we” Replies carol holding her phone up showing pictures of Liam and Riley, placed in a headline next to a picture of Riley and Tariq, with the words “Cheat: Future King Humiliated” Carol eyeing Liam said in a stern voice “I’ll have you know my daughter would never cheat…..your a fool to believe this rubbish”

 “I didn’t” he responded “it’s a long story, I’m not sure Riley would want her mother knowing…”

 “Liam she’s my daughter, she may still di..” Carol says breaking herself off Liam bristles at that sentence “if you want to be a part of my daughter and grand-daughters life, you’ll tell me…. what in the hell has been happening with my daughter”

 “Your right there’s been enough secrets” he sighs

 Liam discussed how he met Riley, social season, the scandal, the break up, The wedding to Madeline, no contact for three years then the accident.  “……I never knew about Kimberly, I don’t know why she never told me….. I would have gave up everything for them if I had known…” Liam continues “maybe that’s why” Carol reasons “ do you think Riley would let you give up everything????”

“I would have gained far more than I would have lost” Liam replies. “Can I ask do you know Olivia Nervakis?” He continues

“yes, I do” Carol replies. “She’s a friend of Riley’s and Kimmy’s god-mother”

“What” Liam asked shocked “her god-mother? ....you mean Olivia has been to New York to see Kimberly?”

“Yes, she has every few months or so….at least until she had Thomas…. why who is Olivia to you” Carol asks Liam

“Just a friend…. or I thought she was” huffs Liam

“Well she has always made sure Kimberly has the best, health care, clothes, she was even talking about Kimmy learning to horse ride….and oddly the art of war….. I mean really” Carol laughs.

Liam could feel himself getting annoyed at how much Olivia had kept from him.

 Knock knock…Carol got up to answer the door, breaking Liam from his thoughts. Drake was on the other side asking if he could visit. Carol nodded allowing Drake to enter, as he does Drake informs Liam, Bastien is looking for him. Drake makes his way over to sit on the seat Liam just vacated. Drake holding Riley’s hand asks Carol about her condition. As Liam leaves, he hears Carol relay that same doctor information he heard earlier.

 “Bastien any news” asks Liam “Adelaide and Regina have discussed the press statement to be released, it requires you to look over it for any changes.” Liam nods “Bastien can you have the guard prepare the precision route for the funeral. We’ll fly Madeline home when doctors release her body…however in the meantime we’ll have to have the staff organise her funeral….Adelaide can have a free reign in this….let her give her daughter the send off she wants…..Regina can monitor the plans….just in case Adelaide goes on the attack”

“Very good, Sir” Replies Bastien. “One more thing, Lady Riley’s friend is downstairs wishing to see Her. We’ve stopped him at present from coming up”

“What friend?” asks Liam

“Daniel, Sir” Bastien Replies.

“Daniel” Liam lights up” Carol said earlier he was working with Lady Riley before the accident, he can maybe give some answers to this whole situation”

“Very good, Sir. Bastien turns to leave and meet Daniel.

 Sitting back in the waiting area Maxwell has returned with Kimmy. Liam and Kimmy spent some time getting to know one another drawing with some paper and crayons Maxwell had bought her at the gift shop. Maxwell and Drake had already left and were escorting Adelaide to their hotel which Bastien had arranged. Bastien entered the waiting room. “Your Majesty…. we have to act now!”

“Bastien what’s wrong?”

“Sir, Tariq was the driver of the car. He’s here in the hospital

“What!” Liam exclaims!

 The night of the accident

It was a busy night in the restaurant. Riley and Daniel were rushed off their feet. The restaurant was one of the best in NYC, seating 100 people, often reservations had to be done weeks even months at a time. It was certainly a million miles from the dive bar they worked in three years ago. As Riley and Daniel busied themselves at the restaurant, they missed her entering through the door. Riley was clearing a table and looked up “that bitch” Riley mouthed in shock raising her body, did that mean he was here….. Liam was he here. Her stomach flipped….the panic what if questions were asked….questions….scenarios all rushed into Riley’s thoughts….just as ready to walk away….otherwise known as hiding….she saw him….walking towards where Madeline was sitting. Tariq.

Anger coursed through Riley she was going to kill him…the hell he put her through…Daniel followed Riley’s gaze….he had known about Madeline….Tariq…all of it. Riley had confided in him when she needed his help to find a job. He rushed over to her before she did anything silly…. he didn’t want her losing her job. “Think about this Riley” Daniel warned “be savvy”

“I’m going to kill him, and bitch slap her about this restaurant” Riley responds

“Riley you’ve found him…after all these years, if you blow this chance, you’ll never get it again…. think of Kimmy” Daniel pleads.

Then Riley realised Daniel was right “what’s Madeline doing with him? Here?” No one was suppose to have seen Tariq in years. She would have known if Tariq was back at court Olivia would have told her. “She’s known all this time where he’s been” Riley says in a low voice to herself…”she knew!”

“How long do you think she’s known?” Daniel asks

“I don’t know but I am going to find out” Riley replies. “But first payback”

Riley takes out her phone and takes a picture of Madeline and Tariq, sitting relaxed at the table, smiling. Then jackpot, Madeline leans over to kiss Tariq. *snap* Riley takes a picture and immediately hides around the corner, so Madeline and Tariq would not see her and see where the flash came from. “What are you going to do with them “Daniel asks

“I’m going to send them to someone who owes me…big time” Riley replies “please let me still have her email address”

“Whose email?” Daniel asks

“Ah got it” Riley says gleefully

“You owe me this one! Do what you will with the pictures, however you all did not spare me such grace” Riley sent off the email.

 Present day

“Where is he?” Liam asks

Liam and Bastien phone pinged “the statement must be released, but I haven’t looked over”

Liam looks at his phone wide eyed “king Liam betrayed again” with a picture of Madeline and Tariq kissing “lothario noble scores again with kings love” the picture of Madeline feeding Tariq from her fork. There was no doubt in the pictures Madeline and Tariq were involved. It left no doubt now who the father was of Madeline’s baby. “This is a mess…..We better see Tariq….where is he?” Liam asks. “3rd floor” Bastien replied.

Both Liam and Bastien made their way to see Tariq. “Oh nurse, how is he?” Liam asks as he point to Tariq through the glass. “He’s doing well…came through surgery very well” the nurse replied.

“Can you get the doctor to see me please?” Liam asks

“Certainly” the nurse responds.  

Liam enters the room to see Tariq, lying there with some IVs connected to him. He certainly did not resemble the condition Riley found herself in. Tariq turned his head as he did his eyes opened and he startled. “Liam?” Tariq questioned

“Tariq” Liam answers in a very stoic tone “what the hell has been going on with my wife?”

 Night of the accident

“I have to get answers” Riley informs Daniel

“How?” Daniel responds

“He must be staying nearby if I find where he’s staying, I can speak to him alone” Riley responds “even shake him up with those pictures.

“But Riley” Daniel prompts “you already emailed those pictures. They aren’t leverage anymore”

“Yes he doesn’t know that….not yet anyway” Riley answers.

Riley thinks for a moment. “I’m going to find his car and hide in it, the valet must have parked for him…. yeah  I’ll find it and hide see where he’s staying.” She continues

“Riley…” Daniel reasons but by then Riley had already gone.

Present day

“We were in love” Tariq Replies

“Love…” Liam scoffs “that woman wouldn’t know the meaning of the word”

“You don’t know her like I do” Tariq responds

“You got that right, I certainly never fucked her” Liam bitterly said “But as she was pregnant it would appear you did!”

Tariq eyes fell to his hands ”yes, she was going to tell you…she wanted us to be together”

Liam laughs “you actually believe that don’t you”

“Yes, why wouldn’t I” Tariq answers

“yes well I suppose she would have to tell me eventually….as her attempts for us to start a family have failed” Liam answers “ she couldn’t hide it forever.”

“Start a family” Tariq asked confused “no she didn’t want that she told me…she wanted me”

Liam laughs “oh wake up Tariq, she was using you….keeping you….the affair their must have been some advantage to her”

Then it dawns on Liam “oh…I see”

“See what?” Tariq asks

“How long ago did you and Madeline start?” Liam asks

“You mean fall in love” Tariq corrected. Liam sat stone faced at the naivety of Tariq

“We began to fall in love 2 years ago, but we met up again before she left for Cordonia’s homecoming ball” Tariq continued.

“But that would mean before Madeline and I married?” Liam responded “after the wedding shower” Liam rose from his seat anger filling him “she knew where you were???......All this time she knew”

 “Yes, I suppose” replied Tariq “Madeline turned up at my apartment, she said found me though some shoes I had bought from a designer shop here”

“So, you continued to hide like a coward…. To keep ruining Lady Riley’s reputation?” Liam shoots back

“It wasn’t like that…. Madeline…said you had sent her, telling me to keep quiet” Tariq responds

“You believed that?” Liam asks

“Yes…I did…she was born to be queen why wouldn’t I? She made me realise the damage a commoner could do to the monarchy and by me hiding away…Riley couldn’t be an embarrassment to you or the monarchy if you choose to end the relationship…..Madeline said you wanted to end it…but didn’t know how… I was giving you the perfect get out clause” Tariq continues

“Tariq you are an idiot! She played you! And you were happy to be played. Had I not been forced into that situation I would have married Lady Riley. Madeline knew that and seen her opportunity with you.

“I should let you know.” Liam continues “The press are aware of your affair with each other….so this is what you’re going to do…..you’re going to release a statement revealing the truth of Appleyard three years ago….After that you’re on your own I don’t care what else is said…..or revealed you both deserved each other.” Liam walked away from Tariq closing the door behind him.

“Organise a press statement from him” Liam orders Bastien

“Sir it’s not the best….” Bastien counters

“ENOUGH” shouts Liam “I’ve had enough of people controlling what I do….. get it done” and with that Liam walks away

Over the day the press were informed of Madeline’s death, so far the press shocked but were sympathetic to the King, so badly betrayed by his Queen who unfortunately paid the ultimate price with her life during an illicit encounter. There were still questions why Lady Riley was in the car from them. But for Liam it was clear she had hidden in the car, in order to confront Tariq at his home. However, it wasn’t yet clear why the was tragic accident happened.

 The night of the accident 

Riley was hiding in the foot well of the car. She was lucky it was dark She could easily be hidden under a rug in the back seat. Eventually Tariq and Madeline entered the car. Madeline was gushing over Tariq, it was enough to make Riley want to vomit. During the journey Riley could hear Madeline and Tariq discuss the baby. Riley couldn’t believe her ears. She had so much leverage now. But needed proof. She set her phone to record the audio. Then an overconfident Madeline began to laugh, “what’s so funny?” Tariq asks.

“That stupid American and her child” she scoffs

“What?” Tariq asks

“Lady Olivia got a call from her credit card company regarding the NY Presbyterian hospital” Madeline laughs

“When…what are you talking about” Tariq asked confused

“When…three years ago…do keep up…” Madeline huffs

“How did you know this? Why is it even important?” Tariq asks

“Because…..I heard Oliva’s PA tell her the credit card company wanted to verify the hospital charges” Madeline continues….”Olivia didn’t look sick….so I took a visit to the hospital…..it took a while…..had to pretend to be that awful woman”

“Pretend to be who” Tariq asks his confusion escalating

“Who….lady Olivia…..Lady Olivia..lady…”Madeline laughs “found her didn’t I”

“Found who…lady Olivia? Tariq asks

“NO!!!! Lady Riley……” Madeline shouts “lying there asleep in bed, in a nice small room on the OB ward…..she didn’t see me….but I seen her……little wretch….thought she could steal my crown…. I knew she would try and tell him….. but ha ha…. I stopped that…..so predictable…..turning up to his room, there she stood so shocked when I answered…all I had to do was to arrive at Liam’s room early enough to have breakfast…. Make it look like I’d spent the evening…. the meeting was a great rouse to do that…..and simply wait for her to turn up…..block her…..

 Riley sat in the back of the car…. Anger pulsating…..

 “The fact Liam left for a shower and I was able to strip to my underwear without him knowing what was going on…..was icing on the cake….perfect….I couldn’t have planned it any better….well I did….you know what I mean….” Madeline gushed.

 “Madeline…you mean to tell me Liam has a child…somewhere and you knew” Tariq asks

 “Oh who knows” Madeline answers no clearly no longer boasting of Her exploits….a little worried she revealed too much.

 “Madeline” Tariq reasoned “you can’t…”

 Tariq and Madeline began arguing over what Madeline had done. The shouting continued over several miles. The noise was explosive, suddenly Riley feels the car skid, her body jolts shaking violently. She is thrown to the roof of the car back to the footwell and then again and again as the car rolls and rolls. The car stops and as Riley turns her head…. she sees the lorry…..as if in slow motion she sees it coming towards her…….*smash* Riley’s world goes dark.

Present day

Liam sat by Riley’s bedside for hours holding Riley’s hand praying that she would wake up. Riley’s mum had taken Kimberly off home to bed, Liam promised to call her if Riley woke up. Maxwell promised to babysit first thing in the morning allowing Carol to return to the hospital. Carol had been playing some of Riley’s favourite songs from her phone in the room, wasn’t difficult to do using Riley’s thumb print to unlock the phone. The doctor said to them voices and familiar sounds might help her, there is a chance Riley could sit hear.

As Liam sat there the song ended and he waited for the next one…suddenly there was a familiar voice rebounded around the room…. Madeline talking about her baby….. so, she did know about it Liam thought…she was trying to trick him…. pretending the baby would be his, the heir to the throne……The sound of Madeline’s voice continued to vibrate around the room laughing “That stupid American and her child” Madeline scoffs “What?” Tariq’s voice was next…. the conversation continued “Lady Olivia got a call from her credit card company regarding the NY Presbyterian hospital” Madeline laughs “When” Tariq asked confused…. Liam sat there in shock….hearing the whole conversation….the argument afterwards and then suddenly the accident….screams from the phone filled the room….tears fell from Liam’s eyes. He began to sob uncontrollably. Liam felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, as he turned, he saw Olivia, standing there tears in her eyes. She too had heard it all.

Tag List: @fluffy-marshmallow-heart heart @blackcatkita @flowerpowell @furiousherringoperatortoad @blznbaby @lodberg @innerpostmentality @princess-geek @choices-addict @ao719 @carabeth @thequeenofcronuts @blackcoffee85 @jovialyouthmusic @perfectprofessorherokid​ @annekebbphotography @fluffy-marshmallow-heart​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @stopforamoment​ @leelee10898​ @bobasheebaby​ @indiacater​ @furiousherringoperatortoad​ @editboutique​ @gibbles82​ @choiceslife​

[mentalcurls]

1.1 Illegale

I’ve hummed and hawed a lot over writing this post, for two reasons: there are somewhat unpopular opinions in it and this particular clip is so hard for me to watch, I literally always pause it at least five or six times to calm down. But I’d mentioned a couple of months ago that I would do something about to it and I don’t like to leave things like that hanging, plus I’m hoping to exorcise some of my negative feelings, so here we are. Listicle as usual.

the voicemails give me chills every single time and that’s all I’m going to say

right from the start the focus is on Emma, dancing with a friend

whose POV is the camera embodying? The first shot is a group of girls, then we have Edoardo, Federico and Chicco smoking and watching the girls, then the camera focuses on three specific and particularly noticeable girls: the girl with the silver sparkling top dancing with Emma, the dark haired girl with the black dress and bright lipstick and the blue-haired girl we will see at radio meetings later on; then there are some guys making a lantern fly, then Emma dancing with her friend, with a glimpse of Canegallo talking to Edoardo about either Emma herself or the friend, then there’s Silvia looking dejected. The obvious answer would be that it’s Silvia’s POV, but I actually think that at first the camera shows the guys’ POV, then switches to Silvia’s for at least two reasons: first of all, the camera changes position (you can see it from the fact that in the first shot we see her Emma is on the right while silver top girl is on the left, whereas later Emma is on the left and her friend is on the right); second, the first three girls stand out from the others because their clothing, makeup or hair is bright and designed to catch people’s attention and it’s not hard to tell that they are Edoardo’s and his friends’ type, while Emma is dressed in a completely different, sporty and casual, way, which is probably the thing that earned her the reputation as a bit of a “zecca” (as Marti describes her to his friends in the bathtub) and she definitely doesn’t fit the Villa guys’ aesthetic or tastes; on the other hand Emma has several characteristics that attract Silvia’s attention like a magnet. Emma is not trying hard at all but she exudes a natural air of coolness, she dances like she doesn’t have a care in the world and like no-one is watching her, she dresses like she wants and doesn’t care about fitting in but a lot of people like her anyways, she’s  beautiful even without much makeup and thin and graceful and genuinely having fun and the boys (Edoardo) are staring in her direction. And Silvia wants to be all of that, to have all of that. (Because that’s what her sister Francesca is like obvs)

so: guys’ POV first, Silvia’s second

I don’t even think Silvia putting down her cake is because of her issues with eating, a big part of it is probably that the cake literally turned sour to her

after putting the plate down, in fact, Silvia eats something else, so I don’t think she’s doing a Vilde S2 at this point

anyways, she goes to find her friends and when she manifests her worries, albeit in a pretty childish and petulant way, Sana and Fede dismiss her and laugh at her as their first reaction (Fede’s drunk so there’s that, but Sana 😕 girl 😕 did you forget what happened in June already? Bland reassurances that sound like platitudes won’t cut it with Silvia)

so Silvia goes in search of her more supportive friends, Eva and Ele, and that’s a smart move, except her wandering takes her right back to the starting point, looking at Edo from the other side of the room while he studiously avoids acknowledging her

bless Filippo Sava for pulling her out of her own head a bit

a Filippo Sava WITH NO LIP PIERCING

and like, Filippo is at his peak “uomo gay pride” here, but at the same time he lets his campiness and the excuse of a joke justify some unwanted touches that had my eyebrows raising when I saw the clip for the first time and has them raised still now

the way Edoardo summons Eleonora to his presence gets on my nerves; he’s being indifferent so they won’t get caught interacting, intellectually I know that, but that slight tilting of his chin just reads so fucking entitled

Skam Italia, don’t go breaking my heart by joking about Eleonora’s sexuality (especially after Mia has been confirmed bi in Druck) and with Eva there joking about being jealous I ALREADY KNOW THEY’D MAKE A PERFECT COUPLE OK?

and right then a wild Martino appears, wandering round the party like Bambi wanders in the woods

and Eva. She’s probably been sending Marti signals all summer, ever since she broke up with Gio and informed Marti of the fact in that expectant way at the end of the year party. I mean, he told her he likes her and she doesn’t want to believe that the porn Eleonora found on his phone really means what her friend thought it meant. And Marti’s cute, he’s a really good guy and he’s nice and they’ve been friends for a while so he knows her, he’s seen her at her lowest and stuck by her. She needs all of these things, after Gio, after the mess with Canegallo, she wants nice and familiar and steady. Except Marti keeps her at arm's length 99% of the time, barely answers her texts, never writes her first, is always too busy to hang out. Eva excuses him for a while: he doesn’t want to hurt Gio, fine, but it’s been a while now; his family situation is really complicated, that’s okay, maybe she could help, or a least distract him a bit every now and then. Then school starts so he’s busy with that. But after a whole summer and almost a month of school, well, message fucking received, dude. She’s gonna give him one last chance to show some real interest in her before she gives up and accepts he’s uninterested. And probably gay. Which is fine, by the way, she doesn’t mind or anything, but it means he lied to her. Again.

I don’t really get why Eva acts so over the top though. She acts like she’s drunk, throws herself at him. Why would Marti go for that? Is it a last resort, has Eva tried literally everything else she could think of? Does she think that by putting him on the spot, if he really likes her he’ll forget the potential hangups he has about Gio? Does she pretend to be drunk to give him an excuse of sorts? She must smell the weed on him when she hugs him, so if he wanted to make a move then they could plausibly say they both weren’t in their right mind, so as not to hurt Gio. But then, does she only want a hook up? With one of her best friends?

well, whatever her reasons are, it all fails and Marti rejects her. Which, I could have told her. Marti is nice, remember? He wouldn’t take advantage of a drunk girl, especially not when they’re friends. (Not like some other people who’d happily hook up with Argentina when she’s drunk, I’m looking at you ep.5!Contrabbandieri)

oh, but Eva’s “Yeah, yeah, go back to Gio, go” is so bitter! She’s defeated, Marti hasn’t proved her wrong, he actually confirmed her worst fears. So as hard as it is to face this fact, she has to conclude he did lie to her again, despite everything, and she feels like a fool for falling for it. What an asshole.

Marti answering the phone in a house that’s not even his kills me every time

and I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE SEE LUCHINO God, how time flies, it feels like he’s always been there

the boys start discussing girls. Marti’s descriptions of them are 100% non sexualized, non objectifying: Emma is tall and a bit of a “zecca” (I’m not super familiar with Roman slang, but Google tells me it is used for “radical chic” people who look a bit slovenly and like stoners, so not exactly flattering but at least it’s not sexual), Polidoro is the girl who got stuck in the elevator last year

on the other hand Elia, then Luca, then Giovanni immediately start judging the girls based on their attractiveness, the fuckability, their boobs. Standard sleazy teenagers.

and Marti goes straight into defense mode, starts saying he doesn’t like them and goes all the way back to the other hand of the spectrum from sleaze to fastidious with just a touch of misogyny

“busta di piscio” just hits me in my gut every single fricking time. I am Italian, but I’m not from Rome, so I’d never heard this particular slang terminology before Skam Italia, so I might be overreacting, except fuck you, it’s a horrible thing to say about someone, aside from the pure unpleasantness of being compared to urine, you’re dismissing someone as pure waste. So yeah, fuck you, Martino. Thank God you’ll grow up quite a bit over the course of the season.

anyways. The boys press Marti, backing him into a corner (even more of a corner than the literal one he’s already sitting in) waiting for him to talk about a girl he likes. And, obviously, Marti goes for the safest aka the most widely liked who’s also the most unreachable. Textbook. And he weathers his friends comments about being choosy and the jokes about Federica cause having that reputation is way easier than being known as the gay guy

honestly, you can feel his discomfort. Up until now the party has been one landmine after the other for Marti

also, Federica. She’s always Federicona for the guys, cause she’s not a size 38, and while in this clip they don’t explicitly touch on that, it’s a big part of why the guys joke about hooking up with her, cause she’s considered unattractive. The other reason is the whole on-going saga of her showing an open, uninhibited interest in Marti: she’s an outspoken, enterprising young woman who has no problem showing people what she wants and that makes the boys so uncomfortable, cause it means they’re not the “predators” in that scenario. The spoon thing might have been a bit over the top, but you can bet that if Nico had done that at some point over the next couple of episodes Marti would have been all over him, or that if Eva had done that for Gio it would have been considered a cute form of foreplay like Gio’s Instagram video with the tongue in S1, or if any other girl the boys deem fuckable had done it they’d be all over her

Elia wants 20 euros for both the weed and Fede’s gift, but Marti only ever gives him 5 euros which means he didn’t even give him the money for the gift

and Emma makes her grand entrance!

Gio looks stunned, either he really likes Emma or he’s worried she might somehow know about the way they’ve been talking about her

contrary to Skam og and Skam France, she’s alone, but just like in the other two versions Marti (/Isak/Lucas) takes charge of their interaction, except where his Norwegian and French counterparts are smooth and charming, he’s quite a bit of an asshole, displaying an incredible ability for humiliating jokes. This can’t even be considered pigtail pulling, this is straight up being shit

also, mansplaining! Emma’s not and idiot, if the other bathroom had been available she would have used it

the jerks! Jesus but they piss me off so bad. Gio, Elia and Luca laugh and joke with Marti at Emma’s expense, then they propose exchanging a basic thing like access to a private place to pee for occasions to be even creepier than they already are. Oh God, how I hate them right now

this is toxic masculinity. I Contrabbandieri are considered immune to it, but the most I feel comfortable saying is that they get better about it with time, when Marti’s hardships bring them together and change their perspectives a bit, but right now? The locker room talk, the considering girls as nothing more than their bodies, the mocking, the indirect fat-shaming, putting their “need” to keep the bathtub above Emma physiological needs

the thing is, Emma is so used to this kind of behaviour, she accepts it without question or reproach for the most part. She just laughs along with them, trying not to be difficult, to diffuse the situation; when she agrees to make out with one of them it she chooses the one who treated her the worst, because pigtail pulling means a boy likes you and just doesn’t know how to show it in a mature way, right? So she goes for Marti, even going as far as forgoing her physiological needs because she kisses him first, and she was willing to blow him first, before actually peeing, despite saying that she really had to go (and even then, she apparently pees with him in the room? what even); anyways, the point is that this whole thing is crazy sexist

the zipper sounds, oh, how it brings back far more pleasant memories

let us all not forget (and Silvia doesn’t let us forget) there was a sliding door between the washbasin + bathtub area and the toilet area so Emma could have peed without causing any trouble at all (she probably did, actually, since Marti was still in the room when she went) (I’m confused, was it all her elaborate plan to be alone with him? Had she even ever seen him before? And even if she liked him, why go for shim when he proves to be such a jerk to her? I can’t make sense of this)

Eva looks so lost! Apparently Marti hooked up with a girl who’s not her? So he’s not gay? But he still lied to her about liking her? Or maybe not, it was just a one time thing to distract himself from her? Because he really doesn’t want to upset Gio? So does she wait? Why isn’t he sending any kind of positive signal to her then?

i Contrabbandieri just assume Marti got laid, and like, came this fast? Is this the kind of faith they have in their friend? They just presume he has no stamina rather than think he didn’t get laid?

Edoardo Incanti is a mansplainer, would you look at that, such a surprise; the apparent helpfulness, the assumption that Eleonora is struggling with her lantern and that she’ll catch fire if left to her own devices make me catch fire cause I can’t stand these forms of benevolent-ish sexism

he literally tries to explain the UK to her when she’s the one who’s lived there for a month already!

Eleonora is smizing, what on earth

Edoardo really can’t take no for an answer huh?

oooh, i Contrabbandieri honestly think there are no other cops and they’ll be able to just slink away? Bless their hearts

they actually try to get the policeman to pity them by saying they weren’t invited to the party when he stops them! Bless their hearts super hard

I forgot to point it out, but there was the very first GioElia™ patented look when Covitti came in while they were in the bathroom, and right now we have a second one!

the biggest BLESS THEIR HEART award goes to the wild run from the police even though Marti’s ditched the weed

Gio hugging Marti always breaks my heart, mostly cause it’s pretty much the mirrored image of Eva hugging Marti when he went to get the beers, except she tried to kiss him when he didn’t want her to, whereas with Gio it’s just a grateful, friendly hug even though Marti would love for Gio to kiss him. In the immortal words of dr Roberto Spera, bella merda.

Ok that’s it! I’m stopping right her, I don’t think I can do the same thing I did for S1 with a full commentary of all the episodes (I mean, this is about four GDoc pages and we’re only halfway through the episode, can you imagine how much more I could write?). Still, I’m glad I managed to write down my thoughts on what bugs me so much about this clip. Talk to me via ask or comment if you have questions or disagree with me, I’m alway open to discussion!

[hydrospanners]

Justw ondering what your writing process is like?

It’s me, ya girl, coming at you with an answer twenty years after you asked the question!!! Sorry for the delay; I’m actually really excited to answer this! And I’m excited to be excited to answer this!!!

I am a Perfectionist, Anon. It is not a good quality. For most of my life, I was so petrified by the possibility of someone seeing something I hadn’t polished within an inch of it’s life that I wouldn’t even acknowledge I had a process. I wouldn’t mention I was writing something until it was completely done out of fear that they might want to talk to me about it when I hadn’t finalized everything and I might not represent my very best possible creative work. Also I never really thought of myself as being enough of a writer to have a process. That seemed too good for the likes of me!

But here we are now, in the Year of Our Thor 2019, and I am psyched to tell you every detail of my process and show you a side by side of my first draft and final product!!! That is so much progress for me, Anon, and I didn’t even realize I’d made until you sent me this so thank you!!!

(This is going to be long--please hold your gasps of surprise--so I’m putting the rest under a cut. Seriously I just finished writing this post and it’s an absolute BEAST.)

So my process!! I’m actually trying to make some changes to it to be more supportive of my efforts to kick the Perfectionist habits, but right now it basically looks like this:

1. There is an idea. Often times it comes from a question, like “How would Rea deal with what I’m feeling right now?” or “Is this a problem in space?” or something like that. Other times it comes from a snippet of dialogue that occurs to me while I’m listening to a song or watching tv or driving or in the shower or something. Sometimes it’s as minor as a gesture or a mood. Sometimes I’m just trying to exercise a certain muscle as a writer. This fic sprang up out of me wanting to work on describing settings. Wherever it comes from, I have the idea. I open a new Google doc and I slap down as much of the idea as I have developed.The lines of dialogue or the question I want to answer or just a few sentences about what I want to show or what I’m trying to achieve.

2. Time passes. I might work on the fic in feverish fits and starts, obsessing over it for three days and then ignoring it completely for three weeks. I might not look at it at all. The fic sits fragmented in my WIP folder and marinates. Usually this happens for about 1-3 years after the fic’s initial conception. I’m not joking about this. I think my average time for completing a fic is 2 years. The reason for that is the aforementioned Perfectionism.

3. I get tired of looking at in my WIP folder and/or I commit to some kind of special event/holiday thing. Fictober rolls around and I go on a kick of completing and editing the stuff in my WIP folder or I just get annoyed with myself for not completing things or it’s suddenly Arbor Day again and I have that tree-related fic I started two years ago that I could finally finish! This is when I buckle down and Write The Damn Thing. Once it’s written, I do an immediate edit and then I try to sleep on it for at least one night before going back and editing again. After that I usually like to sleep on it at least one more night before hitting publish. Sometimes I don’t have the self-restraint for all of this or I’m doing an event where I’ve committed myself to publishing something every single day, so the timeline gets compressed to a few hours between edits instead of a full day.

As for my writing set up, I’ve really leaned in to writing wherever I am and whenever I can. That’s more or less why I only write fic in Google Docs even though I passionately love Scrivener. (All my original work, which is more involved, is done on Scrivener.) 

I do a lot of writing in the quiet, early hours at work when I don’t have work to do. I do probably my most efficient writing when I hit a diner or coffee shop after work and settle in with my iPad and a snack. I can’t distract myself with doing chores or playing games like I do at home, and working on my iPad makes it annoying to switch tabs and apps and do other stuff while I write. Plus I’m eager to get home and take my pants off so that motivates me to let Perfectionism go and write something bad just to hit my goal so I can leave. At home, I’m usually on the couch with my iPad because I get too distracted at my desk on my PC with two enormous screens making it so easy to do other stuff instead of write while telling myself I’m doing other stuff at the same time as writing.

As you can see!!! I spend most of my “writing time” just trying to make myself at all!!!! It’s really daunting to overcome the fear of writing something bad and big parts of me would rather not write at all than endure the pain of failing at creating what I want to create so thanks Perfectionism!!!

I also have a really, really bad habit of editing while I write. I won’t say I’m the world’s worst editing-while-writing writer but I’m definitely top 100. (Bottom 100?) It’s a huge reason why I have those 1-3 year gaps between start and finish and why my first drafts come out so choppy. My inner editor has me rewriting before I’ve even finished writing and redirecting and it’s so disheartening I can only do it in fits and starts and you can clearly tell the places where I took a two month break before coming back to a fic.

But I’m working on this!!! Like I said, I try to go out and write as much as possible because the desire to be at home without pants on often overpowers my fear of Being Bad and makes it so much easier to give myself permission to write badly. That is the goal. Write Badly. I’m working on it and I’m making progress but I have a long way to go still. For now I have to rely heavily on supports like controlling my environment but one day I will be able to write absolute drivel on demand!! The dream!!!

And now, for your entertainment and to celebrate the fact that I am now somehow able to do this at all, I give you the first draft of the forsythias chapter from fill my lungs with sweetness, including the masterful original title:

??oil?????

Doc slips his hand from the inside of his jacket as he rounds the corner and walks straight into the steel-melting heat of Kira’s glare. Or maybe that’s just the extra sun. Hard to tell on Tatooine.

“Done shopping, Your Highness?” She asks, rolling her eyes at him before she’s even finished asking the question. “Think we can fit saving some lives into your busy schedule?”

Doc just laughs, patting the little bulge in his breast pocket. “People expect a dashing hero when they’re being saved, Junior. I’d hate to disappoint.”

“No one cares how waxy your mustache is when they’re bleeding out,” Kira says. “Ugh. Let’s just go.”

Vii is waiting for them by the speeder, having an improbably good-natured chat with a Gamorrean at least three times her size. They seem to be actually smiling at her, which is something he knows from medical school is technically possible but never expected to see. Kira’s inching her fingers toward her laser sword, always ready to leap headlong to the worst possible conclusion, but Doc waves her off.

He congratulates himself that, despite the withering look she gives him, Kira lets her hand fall. She trusts him at least as far as Vii’s well-being is concerned.

(He isn’t sure how he feels about how everyone seems to know just how deep his interest in her well-being goes.)

“Making friends?” He calls out, keeping his walk casual and slow and his hands clearly visible and clearly far from the blaster at his hip. The Gamorrean’s smile fades at his approach, replaced with the kind of slow-moving suspicion Doc is more used to seeing there.

Vii, however, does not stop smiling. Instead, she turns that smile on him. Brighter and more blinding than both of the suns combined.

“Gorzzak was just telling me about some problem spots in the canyons,” she says, her voice as light and tinkling and utterly sincere as ever. “Nice of them, isn’t it?”

And the thing that he still can’t believe, no matter how many times he sees it, is that it really is nice. Because he’s sure that Gorzzak really did point out all the spots he would normally use to lure unsuspecting travellers into ambushes. He’s sure that Gorzzak, even with only three neurons to rub together, has been absolutely dazzled by the obvious shine of Vii’s heart, just like everyone is.

Doc swallows, his throat starting to feel unbearably thick. Probably from all the sand.

“Very nice,” he agrees. “But I’ve got something even better.”

“How is your mustache wax a gift for—“ Kira stops as she catches sight of his eager grin, her face screwing up in an expression he’s starting to think she saves just for him. “Disgusting,” she mutters, her voice low enough that Vii won’t hear. It isn’t the best-kept secret, but Kira, for all her faults, loves Vii too much to shatter her illusion of secrecy like that. Not even to make a dig at Doc.

Vii watches as he reaches into his breast pocket, her expression openly anticipating the surprise, her glowing eye wide and perfectly prepared to be delighted with him. It’s such a refreshing change of pace, how eager she is to be happy with him. To like him. She never makes him work for it and honestly he doesn’t always know what to do with that.

But right now he does.

He produces the little flask of oil with a flourish and his signature self-satisfied grin. Kira would call it his sleazy smirk, but how can he be expected to think of Junior when he’s got Vii in front of him, beaming like this wretched planet’s third sun.

Doc doesn’t entirely understand everything that happens to him when she radiates like this. When she unleashes the full force of her joy on him and he feels thoroughly cooked from the inside out.

“It’s the good stuff,” he explains. “Imported from Corellia. I’ve only been once, but I remember everything was coated in a fine layer of oil so they probably know a thing or two about making it. Anyway, I know how the joints can lock up with all this sand around. Thought you could use some… lubrication.”

This last point is made for Kira’s benefit, and her revolted snort does not disappoint him.

“The doctor is on call, Gorgeous. Anytime you need oiled up, my hands are ready.”