I Miss You, I’m Sorry.
Armando Aretas x black!female reader
🎧- I miss you, I’m sorry- Gracie Abram’s
summary: in an attempt to guard his heart, Armando pushes you away. But how far is too far? And will he ever have a chance to tell you his true feelings?
themes: angst and fluff.
warnings: gore and blood, kidnapping and murder mentioned.
authors note: I’m still obsessed with Armando. The more I think of him, the more I wonder how broken he must be and how confused and overwhelmed he might feel. I hope it can be explored more in future films <3
Hot and iced coffee was passed around to everyone in the compound, everyone but Armando.
You passed them out with a smile, never once looking his way.
The avoidance was purposeful, he could feel it in the way chills spread wide throughout his chest, desperate for the warmth of your gaze.
But you never gave it to him.
And maybe that had something to do with last night.
How he’d gone too far for the last time.
Last night, Armando was in a mood, working late at the compound. You’d found him crushing the weights, pressing out every dreading thought lingering in his head.
Like always, you’d been attempting to talk to him, let him see that he wasn’t alone.
You had approached him just as he was re-racking his weights and heading over to the treadmill.
With a small smile, you handed him a sweat towel. “What’s on your mind?” You asked, gently.
Armando wiped his face with the towel, tossing it to the side. “Nothing.” He grumbled.
You sighed, crossing your arms. “I know you’re lying. You only stay this late and train this hard when somethings bothering you.”
Armando eyed you, the fury of his troubles—his mothers lies and manipulation, all the innocence he’s lost as he killed for her, only for his life and legacy to amount up to nothing—glazing behind his eyes.
“Don’t try your psychologist bullshit on me.” He grumbled.
You swallow. “It is my job.”
“Not with me it’s not,’ he sizes you up with his shirtless frame.
“Armando, that’s not what I’m doing. I’m just checking on you, making sure you’re okay.”
“What do you even know about me?”
You place a hand on his chest, fingers caressing his heart. Armando tries not to melt at the touch, wishing he wasn’t so starved for this kind of affection all his life.
“I know your heart, and I know it���s heavy, because we’re friends.” You say.
Armando grabs your hand, removing it from his chest, before his body decides to suddenly combust.
He lets out a low, resentful chuckle. Armando didn’t have friends. He couldn’t even trust his own blood, let alone some stranger like you.
He didn’t know why you continuously tried to look for the good in him.
There wasn’t any.
He was a cold, hearted killer. And no amount of hugs, smiles, or coffee runs would change that. He wished you’d stop, because he would only hurt you with expectations in the end.
“Who ever said we were friends?” Armando says, coldly.
You frown. “I just thought—,”
Armando presses the treadmills start button, rubber fills the air with a stench.
“I’m surprised you can think, because if you could, you would have notice that our relationship is one sided.”
You frown, clutching at the bottom of your skirt. “Armando, you don’t mean the things you’re saying.” You croak. “I know you don’t.”
Armando takes a step forward, his rising anger pushing you back into a punching bag.
Cornered, Armando leans into. “I mean every, fucking, word.”
You slip past the punching bag, shaking your head. “No.”
Armando can see the tears building in your eyes. His heart burns, but a deep breath snuffs out the flames.
“Yes. Now leave me the fuck alone and get the fuck out before I say something we both regret.”
Armando points to the door.
You bite your lips, salty tears leaking one by one against your warm brown skin.
Armando’s fist shake at his sides, wishing he could punch himself as he watches you leave.
He thought, like many times before you’d be over the spat. But he was wrong, because you still haven’t looked his way.
And he’d kill just to have one last glance at your eyes.
By the time lunch roles around, you and Armando still haven’t talked.
The silence was killing him.
So the moment you hit the corner, walking back from your lunch break, Armando grabs you up, pulling you into a quiet room.
“What the hell,” you push away from him. “Did you just kidnap me?”
“Kidnapping would require me to take you to a second location.”
You roll your eyes, walking towards the door. “Please move. I’m leaving for my prison sessions soon.”
“You still working there part time?” Armando questions. “It’s dangerous.”
You roll your eyes. “Maybe you should come visit for a session one day, considering your mental deficiencies.”
You attempt to leave, but Armando’s hand sticks out, blocking your exit. “You’re not going anywhere, not until you tell me your issue. Are you still mad about what I said last night?”
You pause, folding your arms over your chest. “I thought you wanted me to leave you the fuck alone?”
“So this about last night.’ Armando smacks his lips. “That’s petty.”
“Petty?’ You throw your keys and purse down. “More like downright disrespectful, Armando.”
“Do you want an apology or something?” Armando scoffs.
“No, actually, I came to terms with some things after I left you last night.”
Armando’s eyebrows raise. “Yeah, and what’s that?”
Your smile is crooked, hurt, and so unlike you. “That you were right last night, we aren’t friends.’ You grab your belongings and brush past him. “So let’s continue to act like it, yeah?” You slam the door shut behind yourself, leaving Armando more hallow than before you two had even spoke.
Armando rubs a hand over his face, his hands eventually finding their way to his hips as he lets out a loud sigh.
Had he made the right choice? Had everything he’d said last night been the truth?
Or was he just afraid of the possibility that his mother wasn’t the only one who could betray him? Or that one day you’d go against your gut and see that there was no light in him, at all, and all he’d do is snuff yours out if you got to close.
It wasn’t clear, the truth muddied by desire and fear, but maybe the space was safer for you in the long run. Neither of you could be hurt that way, anyhow.
May he should take you up on your offer and go for a therapy session.
Armando finds his way back inside the compound where he sees the team gathered around one of the large plasma screams, watching a large, bloody fight play out.
“What’s going on?” He asks, catching everyone’s attention.
The footage pauses and everyone remains silent.
Mike swallows, consoling Kelly as she wipes at the tears on her face.
“A riot broke out at the prison.” Dorn swallows hard. “And there’s not doubt that she’s been taken hostage by a patient of hers.”
Armando blinks, shaking his head. “Hostage?” He swallows, his throat drying up. “What the hell do you mean, hostage?”
“I mean the guards can’t find her anywhere in the prison and her office looks like a struggles taken place.’ Dorn sighs, taking a seat. “We can’t even get in contact with her.”
Armando’s fist curl up as he stalks over to Dorn with a fury. “Well you better keep fucking trying geek squad.”
Dorn stands, sizing Armando up. “You don’t think I’m trying. The place is a fucking dead zone right now, no one can get into anything!”
Mike slips between the two, asserting his weight and presence. Armando pushes against him, flashes of what could be your fate play in his mind. “Well try harder, we need her exact location.’ He turns, heading to the armory. “We leave in thirty.”
Kelly stands. “Hold on, leave and go where? We don’t have clearance there.”
Armando slams his hands against the cages guarding the Armory, sending a shock wave through the compound. “Listen here, I don’t give a shit about clearance, and neither should any of y’all. If it was any one of us in that situation, she wouldn’t hesitate, so we should do the same.”
The group is quiet before they join Armando in the armory. They work in heavy silence as they suit up, cleaning and checking their guns.
Armando’s mind reels and slips, imagining what could happen to you. You had no combat or weapons training in the fiel, your specialties lied in communications as a liaison officer for the department. You also oversee some of AMMO’s operations along side Rita.
Going back to school for a PHD in psychology was merely prideful, as you didn’t need too, leading you to work on a thesis in regards to the psychology and reform of prisoners, which is exactly why you were missing now.
If anything happened to you, Armando didn’t think his heart could handle the massive guilt of pushing you away last night and letting you leave today. If someone could grant him one last wish to cling onto you and never let you loose, he’d take it in a heartbeat.
“Armando,’ Mike says, his voice crashing over Armando’s thoughts like a wave. “You ready?”
Armando clocks his gun, shoving a knife into his pants pocket.
“Yeah.” He says.
Mike pats his shoulders. “We’ll bring her home, okay.”
Adrenaline didn’t allow for Armando’s pride to take control, he just nodded, following behind the team as they stepped out and began the pursuit to the hospital.
As the van nears the prison, kelly moves toward the back with an iPad in hand.
“When we get inside, Mike and I will coordinate with the other officers on sight to try and gather as many prisoners as possible. Dorn you’ll be air support with the drowns, and Armando you’ll find—,”
The van comes to a stop and Armando slings his gun around his body, adjusting it in his grip. “I know what I need to do.” He kicks the door open, rushing inside.
Armando slammed through the prison doors, doing a quick sweep of the halls before perusing down them.
The prison smelt of sulfur, gas and water leaking from the ceilings and floors as he walked past. He couldn’t believe this was a place you’d actively chosen to go to, no woman like you deserved to be here.
Armando pushed past a lot of broken cell doors and hiding prisoners, he was just about to turn the corner when a scream erupts from behind him.
Your scream.
His blood freezes over and his fingers clutch and sweat against his guns trigger.
What if he was too late?
What if you were hurt…or worse?
Panic carries him as he bounds down the hall until he reachers the only door.
He sweeps into the room, a large stage front and center, pointing his rifle at the front of the room.
You’re being held hostage by a man whose eyes are darkened and lust field. This must have been your patient.
Armando’s eyes sweep your body. Your cheek is scraped and bleeding blood, along with your forehead, smooshing curls to your face along with sweat and tears.
Your once white pant suit is soiled and bloody and your heels are long gone.
Armando just wants to shoot the man holding you, but he can’t, not without risking your life. The man holds a knife to your neck, pressing in and drawing blood, seeing Armando’s gun, he uses you as a shield.
“Back the fuck up!” He shouts. “Or I slice her open and spray us fucking both with her blood.”
Armando’s heat skips a beat at the thought. His mouth opens, the closes, he knows better than to negotiate as he couldn’t, he was used to just killing for these kinds of threats. But right now this man held the upper hand by holding on to you.
“Armando,’ you said, voicing weak and unsteady. “Leave us, okay.”
Armando shakes his head. “I’m not leaving you, not again.”
You whimper and your eyes shut, leaving tears to spill from them. Your cries alone were enough for Armando to drop a few rounds in this man, but he needed to be strategic. Something like you. He needed to try to use his words because maybe if he had used them earlier or last night he wouldn’t have anything to regret if this was the last time he’d see you alive.
Armando took a few steps forward. “What would make you let her go?”
The man shook, looking around frantically. “A way out of this fucking hell pit.”
Armando shook his head. “What if I said I could you that, off the books.”
The man swallowed, loosening his grip on the knife against your neck. “How? How could you possibly do that when this place is swirling with fucking cops!”
“The way I came in, there’s no cops stationed over there, so let’s make a deal.’ Armando drops his gun, letting it hang at his side. “You let her go and I get you out of here.”
The man narrowed his eyes. “Give me your gun.”
Armando frowned. “Why?”
The knife presses back into your throat and you scream out in searing pain. “So you can’t shoot me fuck head! Now give it to me heart eyes, or I cut her open.”
“Armando! No!”
Armando takes off his gun, placing it on the floor. “It’s okay, el cariño .’ He says. “I’m gonna slide it over at the same time you let her go, okay?”
Armando slides the gun across the room and the man loosens his grip, giving you enough space slip out of his hold.
You limp across the room and fall into Armando’s arms, he catches you with ease, holding you steady.
“¿Estás bien bebé?’ He questions, frantically pushing your curls away from your forehead. “¿Dónde te duele?”
You don’t respond, instead you pass out on his arms. Armando lifts you up bridal style. Heat boils through him at the thought of this man hurting you.
There was no way he was going to let him go now.
“Let’s go,’ the man says, clocking Armando’s gun. “Or it’s her fucking head, then yours.”
Armando walks you and the man towards the exit he came from, hoping to not run into any cops on the way.
His ears were buzzing, he needed a way to dead this situation without jeopardizing your safety anymore than it already was. That’s when he felt something searing in his pocket.
The knife.
Armando sat you down, tucking you against the wall behind a cell door.
“The fuck you doing!” The man shouted, jutting the gun at Armando.
Armando kneels over, pretending to be out of breath. “She’s heavy and I’m tired. I need a break.”
“Nah, muscle-head,’ the man’s says, putting the guns cold muzzle against Armando’s back. “There’s no time to be tired. If she’s too heavy, leave her and come back once you get me out of here.”
Armando smirked.
He’s just where he needed him.
In quick, trained motion, Armando whips his knife out. He turns, slicing the man’s wrist.
The man screams out in paid, dropping the gun. Armando uses his leg and sweeps his feet from under him, casing him to land on his ass.
The man clutches his wrist, crying out in pain. Armando takes no sympathy when he picks up his gun and shoots him thrice in the chest.
Armando scoops you up once more, calling into his coms.
“I’ve got her,’ he breaths. “Get a kit together, she’s pretty bad.”
Armando holds you tight as he walks you down and out of the prison. The warmth of the sun hitting your skin, the glimmer reminding him of just what he’ll never let go of again.
###
A stir shifts Armando awake.
His eyes open, blurry from the nights sleep before sharpening and focusing on you.
You sit up in your bed, holding your torso and groaning in pain.
Armando sits up, grabbing your arm and helping you reposition.
“How are you?” He asks, stuffing your pillows behind your back.
“Where am I?” You mumble, holding your head. You reach up and touch the bandages on your forehead, feeling a sharp pain spread, causing you to hiss.
“The hospital, you were hurt yesterday in the riot.” Armando says, taking your small hand in his larger one.
You nod, and Armando’s heart sinks when he feels you pull your hand from his.
“So what are you doing here?” You ask.
“I’m here with you.”
“Why?” You turn, glaring at him. “I thought we weren’t friends.”
Armando sighs. “Bebita, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“How else could you mean it, Armando?”
His hearts pace quickens, last time he didn’t use his words, he nearly lost you. He didn’t want to risk it and waste anymore time with you. “I was scared.”
“What?” Your voice cracks.
Armando grabs your hand, squeezing it. “I was scared to loose you. I was afraid you’d see how fucked up I am, and just when I thought I had you, you’ll see the monster I am and push me away.”
You shake your head, squeezing Armando’s hand. “No, listen to me,’ you take his face in your hands. “You’re not a monster. You were lied to and you’re hurting.”
Armando melts into your touch as you stroke his cheeks with your thumbs. “I see the good in you, and I’ll always be there for you. I promise.”
A tear slips from Armando’s eyes, the truth of your words bleeding into him through the warmth of your touch. “I’m sorry,” he says, nuzzling into your touch and kissing your palms. “Cariño, lo siento mucho.”
“It’s okay,’ you sniffle. “Come here.” You pull him towards you.
Armando leans in, the hospital bed groaning under his weight as he takes you into his arms.
Armando takes your face into his hands, titling your head, placing his lips onto yours. You two melt into each other, kissing away the physical and mental pain you both harbor.
“I missed you,’ he moans against your lips, holding you tight. “Te extrañé mucho bebé.”
You slip your hands into his hair, pulling him down and on top of you.
“I missed you too.’ Breathlessly, Armando shivers, pressing himself into you. “So never push me away again.” You say.
Armando sucks in a breath, taking in how breathtaking you look underneath him. “Sí, mamá, lo prometo.”
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