#gotta wait on that invite and I am too impatient lol

[gooeyslime]

Missing mother

Inspired by "Idea 7" from @halogenrobotics's list of ideas, he also helped out a lot by being my beta reader and giving suggestions as I wrote this.

Also this is pretty long so be warned.

-----

Whilst trying to survive in the Pizzaplex, Gregory discovers something important regarding the fate of his mother.

Gregory knew it was a trap, it was incredibly obvious, so he expected to find Vanessa and the other animatronics ready to tear him apart as soon as he stepped into the main stage area. But what choice did he have? With no other lead in finding out what was really going on at the Pizzaplex besides the weird room in Fazerblast all he could do was what she told him.

Before the elevator doors opened Gregory quickly jumped into Freddy, hoping it would buy him some time to make a plan, as they both looked around they didn’t find anything out of the ordinary for the main stage area… Had they been tricked? Did Vanessa send them here so she could escape? 

"Wait, I think I see something!" Freddy yelled out "Over there, on the stage! A CD lying on the floor!"

Gregory squinted as he leaned out of the animatronic's stomach "Uh, I don't see anything?"

"How odd, it seems like I am the only one able to see it…"

"Maybe it's because of Roxy's eyes? I mean she was able to see through walls after all…"

The two slowly approached the CD, making sure to not be spotted by the Staff Bots or any other animatronic that might still be lurking around, the CD in question was quite plain, save for a series of numbers written on it.

"Do you see anything that can play whatever is on this?" He asked, all the computers he saw had no HDD so they were out of the question.

"I do see something that might help but… It is in a room that should not exist… And it seems the door has some sort of mechanism keeping it hidden and locked."

Gregory sighed, of course this had to be behind some complicated puzzle "Right, well let's try to figure it out… This better be worth it…"

After looking around for clues and finding fifteen other CDs strewn around the Pizzaplex they eventually figured out that the mechanism hiding the door was connected to specific cardboard cut-outs. They would activate with a flash from the Faz camera and with the door finally open they found an odd room. It was completely empty save for an armchair, the CD player and a TV playing one of those Fazbear and Friends cartoon commercials over and over no matter what, even turning down the volume didn't stop it from blaring the same song.

Gregory quickly sorted the CDs so they could, hopefully, listen to them in chronological order and played the first one.

"Hello Vanessa. How are you feeling today? You look a little tired." A woman spoke, apparently the tapes were therapy sessions Vanessa had with multiple therapists.

"I think something is up with that Vanessa…" Gregory mumbled as he pulled the 15th CD out of his bag "I thought maybe Vanny was a split personality of hers or something, but it doesn't seem quite right."

"What makes you think that?" Freddy asked as he stood guard by the door to make sure nobody got in.

"I read a bunch of books on therapy and mental health, plus my mom was a therapist so she would answer any questions on the subject… It just feels off, like she's pretending she has a split personality but also when she does it she feels like a different person too… I don't know…" he sighed as he put the CD in, hoping that the last two would give him some kind of definitive answer.

"I saw some inkblot test results in your file. I like inkblot tests…" Yet another woman spoke, another therapist that would meet the same end as the others but this time he recognised her voice.

"You are shaking… Is everything alright…?" Freddy asked, clearly worried, but Gregory couldn't answer him.

He had always suspected his mother's death hadn't been a simple accident like those adults told him when they had to break the news to him. Gregory had always wanted to find the truth behind her death and the Pizzaplex was the last place he expected to find it.

"Mom…" was all he could manage to say before completely breaking down, desperately trying to wipe the tears away to no avail.

"Gregory… It is ok to cry…" Freddy said as he gently hugged him. “I am here for you…”

He wasn’t sure for how long they stood there, Freddy holding him as he cried all the tears he held back for so long, ever since he lost his mother he had been shunned by the workers at the orphanage he was sent to for being a crybaby so he had learned to bottle up the negative feelings and just power through them.

Eventually Gregory pulled away, eyes red and puffy but he was now more determined than ever to get to the bottom of this, whatever it took.

“I saw an arcade cabinet in her hideout… I feel like that’s another hint, I think it was called Princess Quest 3?” he thought out loud as he climbed into Freddy’s stomach hatch. “Pretty sure one of the logs I found mentioned there being two more cabinets…”

With that the two searched for the other cabinets as Gregory played through them, for some reason he couldn’t shake the feeling that the games had some deeper meaning, they had to be connected to whatever was going on, a blonde woman stumbling upon whatever that giant gooey rabbit thing was.

“Well, now all that’s left is playing the one inside Vanny’s hideout…” Gregory said as he got to the end of Princess Quest II “She probably knows what we’re doing so she’ll be guarding the last cabinet, if we manage to lure her away I can quickly finish that one and hopefully something will happen…”

“It will be quite dangerous.” Freddy warned as the two walked towards Fazerblast.

As soon as they got too close to the hideout they found an army of S.T.A.F.F. Bots slowly approaching them, Vanny laughing from her safe spot as she pressed a button on some sort of remote controller. 

“Disassemble Freddy.” she ordered and the animatronics quickly surrounded the bear as they pushed him off to a lower level of the maze where more bots surrounded him as they clawed at his parts, Gregory glared at the woman as she slowly pulled out a knife and began to gleefully skip out of the room, ready to catch him and kill him once and for all.

He quickly made a break for the hideout, dodging Vanny, the S.T.A.F.F. Bots as well as Chica and Roxy.

“Come in, Gregory. Can you hear me? I still have a signal.” he heard Freddy’s voice come from his watch as he climbed the stairs leading up to Vanny’s hideout. “Get to the Fazer Blast booth. Use the security desk. Beat the last arcade game!”

He rushed towards the machine, heart drumming in his chest, he had to finish this quickly before Vanny caught up to him, the game started with the princess in what appeared to be a recreation of the hideout, as he left the room a bunch of shadowy version of the character attacked the princess, as if trying to get her to go back to where she started but that didn’t deter him. As he kept searching for the final key he found what looked to be an early concept for the Vanny costume.

“I knew it…” he mumbled as he kept exploring the map, trying to go as fast as possible as he could hear Vanny getting closer. Gregory quickly figured out the room where to use the Vanny mask and the odd greenish rabbit plushie to get the key as he ran to the locked curtain. There he found yet another door, he approached it hoping it wouldn’t require another key. Vanny was almost there and he wouldn’t have enough time to go back to look for any more. Shockingly it did open and a scream echoed from the arcade as the screen faded to black.

Gregory turned around to find Vanny, hunched over by the door. She quickly took off the suit’s head and tossed it as far away as she could and looked at him, tears running down her face. 

“You… You freed me…” she told him, voice shaking. As she frantically took off the rest of the costume while Gregory carefully moved towards the window to see the other animatronics leaving the Fazerblast maze to return to their proper places, seemingly free from Vanny’s orders. Meanwhile Vanessa stood there, kneeling by the door and quietly sobbing.

“This better not be a trick…” he warned her while carefully inching closer “What’s going on? What do you mean I freed you?”

The woman took a deep breath, trying to calm her breathing and find the words to properly explain what had happened. One moment she was testing that VR game based off of those old Fazbear horror games, the next she could hear a voice in her head commanding her to find an old burned down pizzeria to dig up some half burned animatronic, create a virus and release it into the servers of Fazbear Entertainment and get a job at the Pizzaplex as a security guard. All the while a new voice appeared in her head, Vanny. HE made her so that he could control her more easily and to avoid any pesky therapist undoing his hard work. 

For months she had been living as if half asleep. She couldn’t scream for help or escape. No matter how hard she fought against it, Vanny would always take over and make sure she could see her kill each of the victims, from her therapists to kids she lured with promises of their favorite animatronic wanting to meet them in an employee only room. Gregory should have been the same, yet he had managed to escape everything and now she was free. She couldn’t feel her presence in her head nor the voice of the man who had started all of this.

Gregory carefully listened to her story, it was crazy but somehow it made sense. He knew about the rumors of those Five Nights at Freddy’s games being based on real events but he had thought they were a result of people reading too much into a game. Yet he couldn’t deny the parallels, someone dressed as a rabbit luring and killing kids, animatronics acting oddly and attacking anyone in sight for no apparent reason. Sure the ones in the Pizzaplex were hacked by Vanny but she purposely made them act creepy, as if trying to recreate the behavior of the possessed animatronics in the old pizzerias in a twisted sense of nostalgia.

“This place is gonna open for business soon…” Vanessa said, snapping the boy out of his thoughts “I can drive you home, if you want?”

“Oh, um…” he didn’t want to return to the orphanage, especially not after getting attached to Freddy, there was no way he would be able to come back here again and part of him didn’t want to leave at all without him.

“Or I could buy you a bus ticket or something if you don’t feel safe around me?” she suggested, assuming his hesitation was from lack of trust.

“I… I don’t have a home…” He sighed, even after letting out all his bottled sadness it still hurt to say that.

“Oh,um… How about this…” Vanessa slowly got up from the floor “You could stay at my place, I’ll even let you keep the Fazwatch, that way you can stay in contact with Freddy or call the police if I… Well, you know…”

He thought for a bit before answering, “Mhm…Deal.”

Gregory expected to be back to living on the street after a couple of days, back at the orphanage couples would always bring him back for being ‘too much to handle’ Yet Vanessa didn’t seem to get frustrated at his antics, not even after dealing with him for two weeks. She even agreed to help him build a small robot that Freddy could control remotely so the two could hang out without trying to smuggle a huge animatronic bear out of the Pizzaplex.

“Gregory, you should tell Vanessa about your mother.” Freddy’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “She will find out eventually, I believe it is best if you tell her before that happens.”

He frowned, he knew the animatronic was right. Vanessa already struggled to cope with what happened, often having nightmares about Vanny taking over her body once again and murdering more people. It was why he hesitated to tell her about his mother, he knew she would blame herself despite having been brainwashed by a serial killer.

“Oh, there you are!” Vanessa said as she walked into the kitchen, she paused as she saw his serious expression. “What’s wrong?”

“Gregory has something important to tell you.” Freddy said, his plush hand patting his shoulder.

“Alright, fine…” he huffed as he looked at her “Just remember that this is about what Vanny did, not you…”

She frowned, she didn’t quite remember everything Vanny did. All she could remember was the blood on her hands and her laugh as she tried to struggle to regain control of her own body. Still Vanessa wanted to know, if nothing else she could offer her apologies for what she did. 

Vanessa responded, “Alright, go ahead…” “You know those therapists you had?” Vanessa nodded hesitantly before Gregory continued, “One of them was my mom…” Gregory stopped as he could already see all the colors leave Vanessa’s face “Vanny killed her, not you…”

“It’s my fault she existed in the first place!” she cried out, a million thoughts racing through her head. If only she hadn’t collected those stupid tapes in that stupid game. Not only would Gregory’s mother still be alive, but all of the people she killed would still be alive if she just realized what was going to happen when she played that last tape “I am so sorry…”

“There’s no way you could have known this was gonna happen!” he yelled, snapping her out of her negative thoughts “I’m sure she would think so too...”

With that he quickly tackled and hugged her as she kept on crying, Freddy joined the hug as well “Do not blame yourself, you did everything you could Vanessa.” “I… Thanks, you two…” she smiled as she hugged them both back “Thank you so much for saving me, I swear I’ll make it up to you one day…"

[hajimine]

BETWEEN THE NOTES — SEMI EITA x GN!READER

synopsis: for as long as you can remember, you and Semi Eita have always hated each other—but a couple of tender glances and one too many bottles of beer later, you find out that maybe you were looking at it the wrong way this whole time.

genre: fluff, (kinda) enemies to lovers, musician!au, mutual pining but they’re both idiots, jealousy, etc.

warnings: alcohol + intoxication (nothing bad happens), slight suggestive themes, vulgar language, kinda fast paced?

wc: ~2.5k

to: @archivednikes happy birthday shawdy <3

special thanks to: @rintaroll for beta-ing & telling me a lil bit about how bands work and stuff bc idk shit lol :,)

“Semi, get your ass moving,” you huff. “You’re gonna make me late.”

He gives you a smug look and raises a slitted eyebrow. “Did something crawl up your ass and died? What’s up with you?”

You exhale heavily through your nose and stare at him, unimpressed.

“We gotta catch the afternoon train if you wanna reach the venue in time for our gig. This is a really good opportunity for me, don’t you dare mess it up.” you say, gathering the last of your things for the trip.

There is a tingling sensation crawling down your spine, as if someone is staring at you. You look over your shoulder curiously, opening your mouth to utter another snarky remark to get your partner to stop gawking around and get ready.

But the intensity behind his gaze caught you by surprise.

Those hazel eyes of his—ones that are usually sharp and cold—held a sort of softness in them as he looks at you. When you caught him staring, his gaze did not falter one bit.

You couldn’t stop your eyes from traveling down the perfect slope of his nose, continuing down to his pouty lips.

As much as you hate him, you can’t deny that Semi Eita is an attractive man. Heck, even the word attractive isn’t enough to express how infuriatingly hot he is.

Your gaze stays on his lips for a second too long. Have they always looked this soft and inviting?

The dry cough from the opposite side of the room is the only thing that managed to break you out of this trance. Semi Eita’s trance.

Your manager stands by the door, tapping her foot on the wooden tiles impatiently.

“Now, lovebirds,” she narrows her eyes, “Save the PDA for tonight, yeah? We’ve got a schedule to follow.”

You roll your eyes at her, cheeks uncomfortably warm. And just like that, the strange yet tender moment you shared with Semi dissipated into thin air.

。。。

You don’t know if you should take pity on the gray-haired singer or if you should laugh at him.

Currently, Semi’s head is bowed down in shame as he gets an earful from his manager in the middle of a crowded train.

You see, the four of you should’ve arrived at the venue by now. Both your managers are very strict about schedules, and they planned to arrive at the bar two hours before the agreed time.

Thankfully, his bandmates have been a little more punctual than him and have successfully boarded the 4pm train. But Mr. Popular right here just had to stop every few minutes to take pictures with every single fan he met on the way to the station.

“It’s half past five now,” his manager whisper-shouts, “Do you know what that means?”

Semi tries to give her an awkward smile to calm her down. It doesn’t work.

“It’s rush hour! What if we won’t reach the bar in time? It could ruin both your careers, do you know that?” she glares at Semi once again, but there is less bite in her voice now.

“I’m sorry,” Semi starts, plastering a charming smile on his face, “I only wanted to be nice to the fans. Wouldn’t make too good of an impression if I just ignored them, no?”

His manager sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose, exasperated. She motions for Semi to stop talking with a wave of her hand.

The singer grins, and out of the corner of your eyes, you can sense his sharp gaze on you once more.

You try to ignore it.

。。。

When your group reaches the bar, Semi’s bandmates are almost done preparing themselves for the gig.

The bar is dimly lit and cool, the multitudes of warm overhead lighting being the only source of light in the room. It’s not too busy tonight, you observe. Some people still donned their work clothes, perhaps rushing over to the bar right after a long day at work—mingling around with friends to let loose for a little and enjoy themselves.

“Dude, where were you?” Aito asks, eyebrows turned downwards in a frown.

Semi pats the guitarist on the side of his head, “Relax, we’ve got plenty of time to prepare.”

Aito rolls his eyes, completely used to his bandmate’s antics.

“Whatever,” he huffs. “By the way, are we gonna have a little after party later?”

“Uh,” Semi’s eyes flicker towards you for one second, then back to Aito, “I dunno man, might be too tired to get wasted tonight.”

The guitarist narrows his eyes. He didn’t miss the way Semi’s gaze lingered on you.

“Y/N,” Aito smirks. “You coming to the after party?”

You were listening to their conversation this whole time, finding the whole exchange quite amusing.

“Eh, I don’t see why not,” you smile sweetly, “It’s gonna be even better now that this dude isn’t coming anyways.” You pointed your thumb at the vocalist.

From where he’s standing, you hear Semi scoff.

“Y’know what?” he sneers, “On second thought, I am going. How does that make you feel, huh?”

You shrug, feigning indifference.

“I literally do not care.”

“Piss off.”

Aito throws his head back in laughter, shaking his head as he walks away from the scene, muttering about people being too clueless and dense for their own damn good.

You adjusted your equipment bag on your shoulder, exhaling loudly to try and calm your heart down.

。。。

It is in moments like these that you remember why you decided to go forth with this career path, no matter how rocky it may be.

Adrenaline courses through your veins as you sing the lyrics of you and Semi’s song; every ounce of the jittery nerves you had just a few moments ago long gone.

There’s nobody else in this world that can ever take your place

Some of the customers are listening intently, others just nodding along to the song, and the rest not even listening at all.

You could hear your heartbeat thumping loudly against your chest, the sweat trickling down your forehead and into your eyes making it harder for you to see the crowd.

And when the day’s all done and dusted, all I ever need is to be in your arms again

You whip your head towards Semi, just like the countless times you rehearsed this song together.

“It shows chemistry,” your manager had said, “play it up for the crowd, will ya?”

The butterflies in your stomach flutters about restlessly when you notice that Semi has been looking at you this whole time.

His eyes—sharp and intense—held your gaze, unabashed. Steady. Sure.

Will you stay tonight? ‘Cause baby you’re all that I need, and you’re all that I want.

And in that moment, with your eyes locked on each other, the world seems to stop.

Nothing else matters, Semi’s lopsided smile says, only you.

。。。

The performance flew by in the blink of an eye, and it’s a little past midnight now. As promised, your managers held a little after party in the shared lounge of your penthouse suite.

It’s not as fancy as it sounds, you smile to yourself. There are suspicious stains on the gray carpet, and the furniture smells vaguely of cigarette smoke and sweat.

Bottles of beers have already littered the floor and glass table, and you haven’t even started drinking.

“Duuuude,” Yuuto slurs, “Why are ya so tense for?”

The bassist points at you and Semi, eyelids drooping as he tries his best to keep them open.

“C’mon guys,” Aito clasps his shoulders and massages them roughly, “Relax a little, we did amazing tonight.”

Semi shrugs his friend’s hands away, annoyed. He snatches an unopened bottle of beer from the cooler and opens the cap with his teeth.

You gulp. He hands you the bottle wordlessly before grabbing another one for himself, chugging it down quickly. You mirror his actions, hoping that the alcohol can dull the annoying fluttering in your stomach that refuses to leave ever since the two of you shared that intimate moment on stage.

For fuck’s sake, what’s going on with me?

Your trick works, in a way. Your stomach feels pleasantly warm now, and your breathing has finally evened out. Another unopened bottle of beer lays invitingly on the couch and you reach for it, opting for a bottle opener instead of doing it like Semi.

“Bro,” Yuuto grins at the singer, drool threatening to leave the corner of his mouth, “Did’ya see that blonde chick in the front row? She was hardcore eye-fucking you dude.”

“Ah,” Semi takes another swig of his beer, a cute flush blossoming in his cheeks.

Wait, what. Cute?

“She gave me her number when we were gathering up our stuff.” He runs his hand through his hair.

“You gonna hit her up or what?” Aito teases, smirking.

The singer shrugs, “Maybe, I dunno.”

Your breath hitches, and Aito’s smirk widens. You raise your eyebrows at him, silently telling him to fuck off.

“Where’s Kai?” you hear Semi ask. Come to think of it, you haven’t seen the drummer since after the show was over.

“Oh,” the guitarist laughs, “Fucker left us for some girl he saw in the bar. Might see him tomorrow morning, might not. Who knows?”

The vocalist hums and walks over to where you’re sitting, plopping down on the old couch.

“The managers?” Semi casually drapes his arm on the back of the sofa. You feel yourself tensing as your heart races uncontrollably, and the singer looks over at you with an unreadable expression on his face.

Aito scratches the back of his neck, quickly losing interest in the conversation.

“They decided to sleep in early. Long day, I guess.”

Semi nods and rests his head on the top of the couch, exposing his defined jawline. His eyelashes look so pretty from this angle, they’re long and fluttery and they almost…

Huh?

“Eita, are you gonna hit that blonde girl up or nah?” Aito provokes, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

You clench your teeth and reach for yet another bottle—your fourth one this past hour. Or fifth. You don’t bother counting. Semi looks over at you again, but this time his eyes holds a sort of concern in them. You scoff to yourself.

“Uh,” the singer looks at his friend weirdly, “Why are you so insistent on this? I did say maybe didn’t I?”

Aito laughs. You almost recoil in disgust.

“Oh nothing,” he chuckles, “It’s just that she’s really hot and she’s your type so—”

You stand up abruptly, knocking over some empty beer bottles by accident. The regret is immediate. You can feel the acid in your stomach traveling up your esophagus, tickling the back of your throat.

Semi quickly stands up when you clasp a hand over your mouth, trying your best to hold it together.

“Shit,” he mutters, “You okay?”

He rubs tiny circles on the small of your back, an action that’s supposed to be soothing but instead causes tingles to run up and down your spine. You shiver.

Another wave of nausea hits before you could respond, causing your knees to almost give out under you.

“Whoa there, angel,” Semi wraps his arm around your waist, holding you flush to his side to support your weight.

You groan softly as your head spins uncomfortably. Droplets of cold sweat is starting to form on your forehead, adding another layer of discomfort upon you.

“You wanna go to your bedroom?” Semi murmurs close to your ear. You shiver again. At this, Semi thought that you’re freezing so he drapes his leather jacket on your shoulders, holding you close.

You nod weakly as you try to blink the black spots in your vision away.

From somewhere around the room, you hear Aito snicker, “Stay safe!”

You turn your head around to give him a deathly glare, but all you see is a big blob of blurriness.

Dammit.

。。。

Semi takes the key card from your bag and pushes the door open, placing your duffel bag on the floor after

He guides you to the bathroom—with gentleness you rarely see from him—and sets the toilet cover down so you can sit on it while he wets a towel with the running tap water.

“You still feel dizzy?” he asks, voice soft.

You stare at his fingers as he wrings the towel and shakes your head.

Semi holds out the cloth and pats your forehead with it, the coolness allowing you to feel a little more refreshed.

“Do you want me to make you some tea?” he wipes the back of your neck carefully.

Shit. Has he always been this thoughtful?

You shake your head again, telling him that you just want to go to sleep.

He sighs and gives you a half-smile, holding out his arm to help you to the bed.

Semi still has it in him to give you a little but of privacy as you wiggle out of your tight jeans, looking away until you slip under the covers.

He helps you pull the plush white comforter closer to your chest, tucking you in.

Your mind doesn’t feel as hazy as it was a few hours ago, but the leftover alcohol coursing through your veins gave you a sort of boost to your impulses.

“Eita,” you whisper, reaching out towards the singer, “Stay?”

The singer halts in his steps and turns to look at you.

“Uh, I don’t know Y/N,” he starts, “You’re drunk right now.”

“No I’m not,” you say, steady voice proving your point. “Please?”

Semi glances over at the door and sighs. He chewed on his lower lip for a few seconds before sighing again.

“Okay.”

。。。

You’re struggling to open your eyes when you wake up, the harsh sunlight streaming into the room completely unfiltered.

Drunk you completely forgot to close the blinds, it seems.

You groan audibly, wanting to pull the covers above your head to hide yourself from this cruel world.

You freeze. Why can you feel someone’s soft breaths on the crown of your head?

Nervously, you reach out in front of you, eyes still shut closed. Oh no.

You force your eyes open, grimacing from the sudden brightness. Your eyes widen at the sight in front of you. Semi Eita, your supposed nemesis, is sleeping soundly a few inches away from you, arms wrapped around your waist.

What the hell happened last night?

A small squeak leaves your mouth as you fully realize the situation you’re in. The small noise wakes Semi up from his slumber, causing him to slowly open his eyes, squinting at the bright light.

“Morning, angel,” he croaks, voice raspy with sleep.

My god does he look pretty in the morning.

You stay there, frozen and unblinking. All the words at the tip of your tongue seem to disappear from existence.

Semi blinks, sitting up quickly.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he rubs his eyes vigorously, “I should’ve said no when you asked me to stay. Fuck, you were drunk and I—”

You grab the back of his neck and pull him closer to you, a small smile gracing your lips.

Your thumb grazes Semi’s bottom lip, dragging it down every so slightly before releasing it, enjoying the way he seems to unravel under your touch.

“Shut up and kiss me, will you?” you murmur, trying to keep your cool as your heart hammers against your chest loudly.

At this, Semi breaks out of his reverie and laughs, “I thought you’d never ask.”

a/n: if you’ve made it this far, please feel free to let me know what you think about this fic! and please REBLOG IF YOU ENJOYED mwah <3

© HAJIMINE — all rights reserved. please do not repost, copy, or claim any of my works as your own, thank you.

[rosyfingereddawnn]

That’s The Way

Pairing: Jimmy Page x Reader

Word count: 3.6k

Warnings: none, this is kind of an introductory/fluff chapter if you will :)

Story summary: Y/N Y/L/N, an ordinary seventeen-year-old girl, gets pulled into the world of rock and roll on a fateful night at the Marquee Club in London when she experiences the musical phenomenon of the Five Live Yardbirds. She grows up fast, navigating her way through the downfall of The Yardbirds, the legendary skyrocket of Led Zeppelin, era-defining decadence instigated by the ‘60s and ‘70s mindset of free love and personal gratification, and finding the courage to express how she fell deeply in love with one of modern music’s greatest guitarists.

Author’s notes (from Molly of rebel-without-a-zeppelin): Hi everyone! A little disclaimer on my part: this is the first story I’ve ever shared for public consumption. I’ve been toying with this idea in my mind for a very long time now, and I’ve finally mustered up the courage to share it with you all. I hope you like it. I am incredibly honored to collaborate with Syd on this project; this is truly our baby, as it has a very long, detailed, intricate plot, so saddle up for lots (and lots) of drama! This is also a sloooowwwww burn, like really, really slow lol. Over the course of the story, please feel free to send me your theories and comments; I would absolutely love to read them. Please enjoy, and happy reading!

---------

3 May 1965

The sound of a car horn beeped incessantly from the front of Y/N’s house. Dropping her backpack down on her bedroom floor with an annoyed huff, she sprinted down the steps. She never did get enough time to prepare, and it was no different today. With her friend Carolyn in tow, Y/N made a beeline for the front door, the click-clack of her Oxford shoes pounding across the hardwood floor. Y/N’s mum, who nonchalantly strolled out of the laundry room with an armful of freshly washed and folded bath towels, leant against the doorframe.

“Now remember Y/N: no drinking, no drugs, no sex. No going home with strange musician guys, nor are you allowed to go to their hotel,” her mum instructed calmly, knowing she’d receive an eye roll from the girl. Her stern expression at home on her gracefully-aged face, the girls receive the speech they get every time they go out.  “You too, C. Even though I’m not your mother, I still worry about your safety.”

Both Y/N’s mum and dad had a very protective instinct over their eldest daughter, just like their other three children. Even at Y/N’s healthy age of seventeen, she longed for the freedom and trust that her older brother had gained at her age.

“Thank you, Mrs. Y/L/N,” Carolyn replied with a little laugh.

“Mum! This is literally the fourth time I’ve been to a Yardbirds gig, and nothing bad has happened,” Y/N huffed. Her mum raised her eyebrows.

Lillian, Y/N’s little sister, walked into the foyer and surprised Y/N with a big, tight hug around her waist. Y/N gasped at the sudden contact, but chuckled when she realized it was her younger sister, and reciprocated the hug.

“I don’t want you getting hurt, Y/N. Boys are icky. And stupid!” Lillian said in a whiny voice, her face muffled by being buried in Y/N’s stomach.

Y/N ruffled her sister’s muss of dirty blonde waves affectionately, rubbing her back to soothe her worries. “I promise, I will come back perfectly fine! I won’t let any boys mess with me, Lil,” Y/N said with a smile, “And when I come back, I’ll tell you everything that happened.”

Lillian gazed up at Y/N with a similar smile, her small teeth shining a bright, pearly white and her chin resting on the taller girl’s stomach. “Okay,” she said, content, before releasing from Y/N with a stuffed animal tucked under her arm.

“Where’s Charlie?” Y/N asked, hoping she could say goodbye to her younger brother before she left.

“I think he’s riding around the neighborhood on his bike with his friends,” Y/N’s mum replied with a shrug. Y/N felt a little disappointed, but she figured she’d talk to him tomorrow at breakfast about her night out.

Thomas, Y/N’s older brother, continued to honk the horn rather obnoxiously, growing quite impatient. It’s a wonder the neighbors weren’t at arms, knocking on their door. He was forced by his parents to be Y/N and Carolyn’s chauffeur to the Marquee Club in London.

“We have to go, or else Tommy will have my head,” Y/N said as she started to open the front door.

“Wait!” her mum said, sloppily placing the towels down on a nearby counter to dash to the door and give Y/N a hug and a kiss on the head goodbye. Finally pulling away her weathered hands flew to Y/N’s shoulders, and gripping them firmly, she continued, “Be good. Love you.”

“I know, I will. Love you too,” Y/N smiled, before dashing down the steps and to the passenger seat of the car. Carolyn was in quick pursuit, following her to the car and taking a seat in the back.

“It’s about time,” Tommy huffed impatiently, tapping his fingertips on the top of the steering wheel as he put the transmission into drive.

“Sorry. Mum was giving me and C a safety brief,” Y/N replied apologetically.

“Why are you two still in school uniforms?” he snorted, shifting to look over at the girls; their studious appearance of white oxford shirts, sweater vests, plaid kilts, white knee socks, and smart oxford shoes would be quite out of place among the audience at the show.

“No time to change, just like usual,” she replied, turning on the radio, soft melodies pouring out at a low volume.

The three drove in silence, except for the sound of the radio playing, until Carolyn had dozed off on the somewhat lengthy car ride. Occasional small talk between Y/N and her brother permeated the quiet that fell over the group, but it picked up when they were only a few blocks away from the venue.

“You gotta stay safe in there, Y/N,” Tommy said, looking straight ahead. His teeth clamped down sharply on his bottom lip: a dead giveaway to the nerves he must have been feeling.

“I know, Dad,” Y/N joked, punching him lightly across the shoulder. Her bright smile wavered and fell when she saw his grim expression.

“I’m serious, you know. I don’t want my sister being pestered by some wankers in a blues band.”

Y/N smirked at her brother’s sudden defensive behavior. “I can take care of myself. Trust me. This isn’t my first rodeo. You should’ve seen the first Yardbirds gig we went to. Utter chaos...” The tilt of her lips signalled that she was joking, and Tommy huffed out a laugh.

Carolyn, stretching with a grunt, had miraculously woken up just as Tommy pulled up to the front door of the Marquee. Glancing at the venue with awe dancing in their eyes, Y/N and Carolyn disembarked from the car, walking closer with the façade of calmness and competency.

“I’ll be back later to pick you girls up. Have fun, but not too much fun,” Tommy rolled his window down as he said this, winking playfully.

Y/N waved to her brother as Carolyn thanked him graciously for the ride. Arms linked, Y/N and Carolyn entered the famous Marquee. Nervousness and anticipation began to pool Y/N’s stomach as she was greeted by the decadent atmosphere of the club: the smell of smoke, alcohol, and sweat hung in the air as her eyes were flashed by many people mingling about, dressed in typical mod clothing. Y/N and her friend looked at each other, feeling like aliens in their intelligent dress. They tactfully made their way through the crowd as they found their way to their usual spot, a small leather-upholstered booth set against the wall near the stage.

“Today might be the day, Y/N,” Carolyn said as they settled into their seats.

“I don’t know,” she replied, smoothing out her skirt, “the idea of that is both scary and exciting to me at the same time. We’ll just roll with the punches, I guess.”

“Which Yardbird do you have your eye on?”

Y/N smirked as she thought for a moment. “Hmm...I’m not sure. I guess they’re all pretty cute in their own way. What about you?”

“Yes, I agree. But I must admit, I do have a very soft spot for Chris Dreja.”

“I’ll pray for ya, C,” Y/N chuckled.

~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, backstage, five live Yardbirds were performing some pre-show rituals in the hopes of easing the preliminary anxiousness. Jeff, Keith, and Jim were peeking out the little sliver of curtain that allowed them to see their gathering audience.

“Look! It’s those two schoolgirls again!” Jeff pointed to the two teenage girls in school uniforms, chatting in their booth waiting for the show to begin. They were huddled together in conversation, legs daintily crossed as their faint giggles floated over to them. Jim couldn’t help but smile at the sound, though he recovered quickly, not wanting his bandmates to get any ideas.

“What’s wrong with that? They must like us,” Keith replied.

“I think they’re both really pretty, especially the one with the Y/H/C hair,” Jim pointed out, trying to be as subtle as possible.

“Yeah, maybe we should invite them backstage after the show… have a nice little chat,” Jeff winked at the singer and the drummer cheekily.

After taking a final glance at the two conversing girls, the three returned to the backstage area where Paul and Chris were. Jeff immediately enlisted Giorgio, their manager, to complete the agreed-upon mission. Jeff loosely draped an arm around Giorgio’s shoulder before bestowing the request as politely as possible. Not trying to be suspiciously polite, of course, because everyone in the band and its entourage were firsthand witnesses of Jeff’s temper and stubbornness. Yikes.

“Okay, I’m going to need you to do me a favor,” Jeff said to Giorgio with a mischievous smile.

Giorgio rolled his eyes, knowing this “favor” would have to do with scouting girls from the audience. “What d’ya need, Jeff?” he sighed exhaustedly.

“Don’t complain, please,” Jeff deadpanned. “There are two pretty birds in the audience, wearing their school uniforms. They’ve been coming to our shows for a little bit now, and they seem nice—”

“You want me to bring them backstage after the show?” Giorgio interrupted, somehow telepathically knowing, by routine, what the guitarist’s request would be.

“You finish that sentence like you know what I’m about to say.”

“That’s because I do, Mr. Beck,” Giorgio retorted sarcastically, “this happens a lot more often than you think it does.”

“Whatever,” Jeff grumbled moodily, knowing he was right, before walking back to the group of musicians in preparation.

~~~~~~~~

Y/N and Carolyn continued to gossip happily about what was happening at school, not a care in the world. They felt the stares of older men in the club, who silently disapproved of their knee socks being scrunched by their ankles, because that wasn’t the “proper” thing to do. But they didn’t care. Who are they to judge?

Every teacher scolded girls at school who did the same thing, because they didn’t want their long legs to be “tempting” or “distracting” any boys. A bloody nuisance, is what it is.

The girls were snapped from their thoughts by the sound of a heavy guitar tone being blasted through the speakers in an opening riff. Their eyes were stapled, almost transfixed to the stage as they took in the five sharply-dressed men in front of them, singing their songs and playing their instruments.

As much as Carolyn enjoyed The Yardbirds and music in general, Y/N had a rather deep connection to it, odd enough as it was. She could play the piano fairly well, so she understood where these musicians were coming from cognitively and creatively. From what she’d read in magazines about current popular musicians, like The Yardbirds for example, she liked the same music they did. Y/N understood dynamics, tempo, tone, key, and musical notation, just like they did. Perhaps she’d be able to get into an intelligent musical conversation with at least one of them one day.

Two straight hours of hits, obscure songs, and blues covers from The Yardbirds’ catalogue were played for the Marquee Club patrons, hypnotizing its drunk and high onlookers with polished musicality and instrumentation.

As the final song concluded, both Y/N and Carolyn, unbeknownst to the other, felt a sinking feeling of disappointment that fell like a pit in their stomachs. They wouldn’t have the chance to meet the band. No one from the entity had approached them yet, and momentarily the five live Yardbirds would be exiting the stage for the night.

After they said their goodbyes and thanks to the crowd, they disappeared behind the curtain. The main lights of the club brightened to signal that the show was over, as the voices of all the patrons raised in rave of the spectacular show they had just witnessed.

Discouraged, but still in light spirits at what they had just seen, Y/N and Carolyn stood up from their seat and headed for the front door. Y/N expected her brother to be waiting in front; it was late, so might as well not make him wait longer than he needs to.

Y/N and Carolyn were merely a few feet from the door when Y/N felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. Turning around to see a man with a dark beard already baring a jovial tight-lipped grin at her, the girl was quite surprised, maybe a little weirded out, but she reciprocated the gesture as genuinely as she could.

“Hello sir, what can we do for you?” Y/N greeted, discreetly nudging Carolyn to help her out and become a united front with her in front of this stranger.

“Good evening ladies, I was sent by Mr. Jeff Beck to offer you an invitation backstage to hang out with the band.”

Y/N’s stomach dropped and her face broke out into an obvious mad blush, much to her dismay. She was internally screaming. The Jeff Beck had spotted them in the crowd?! This had to be a dream.  Wait, this could be a complete drunken buffoon trying to trick them. Y/N remembered what her mother had said, and took the proper precautionary measure.

Y/N smiled in the most composed way she could. “Thank you for such a gracious invitation! Could I ask your name, if you don’t mind?”

“Giorgio Gomelsky, manager of The Yardbirds,” he replied, in a seemingly proud manner.

Okay, this was real. Y/N knew that Giorgio was definitely the manager’s name. She turned to Carolyn, who looked just as excited as she was.

“What are your names, dears?” Giorgio asked, pulling them out of their daze of what seemed like a fake reality.

“I’m Carolyn, and this is my friend Y/N,” Carolyn piped up, excited that she finally got an opportunity to speak to someone close to The Yardbirds.

She internally agreed to let Y/N handle the “diplomacy” part of the introduction, knowing that she was best at that. Carolyn knew her friend was quite shy, so she knew to step in when Y/N was starting to feel anxious. She noticed Y/N starting to fiddle with her fingers while talking to Giorgio in the most collected way she could muster; as excited as Y/N was, Carolyn knew she was growing very nervous.

“Well, it is certainly lovely to meet you both. So, what do you say? Would you like to meet the lads?”

After one final glance of excited mutual agreement, Carolyn replied, “Yes, we’d love to.”

Giorgio led the pair of girls back the way they came, through a sea of inebriated people, but this time through the backstage door. Y/N made an appoint to walk behind Carolyn, in an attempt to collect and relax herself. She was starting to sweat a little, her stomach doing flips and her hands becoming cold and clammy.

~~~~~~~~

“Our guests should be arriving any minute now,” Jeff said as he was placing his guitar back in its case.

Chris was standing and chatting with Paul in a corner when he turned around in surprise at the news. “Guests? What guests?”

“We had Giorgio invite two girls from the audience to come back here,” Jim replied, walking over to sit down in a metal folding chair.

“And why weren't we made aware of this?” Paul asked, as he walked to get another metal folding chair to place near Jim.

“It was their idea,” Keith replied, pointing two fingers between Jeff and Jim. Paul and Chris just nodded in recognition.

“I didn’t hear you disagree, Relf,” Jeff clapped back. He then told Chris and Keith to get some chairs for themselves and the two girls that would be walking through the door at any second.

Before Keith could respond, a couple knocks resounded in the room, signalling the arrival of the guests. Jacket lapels and ties were quickly straightened, even though each person was still glazed with quickly-drying sweat from the show they had just played, before the room fell unnaturally quiet as Giorgio opened the rather squeaky door.

The initial tension in the room that lasted a split second could be cut with a knife. Y/N felt her heart pounding in her chest, a cold sweat already running down her back, as five pairs of eyes landed on her, Carolyn, and Giorgio, warm smiles following suit.

She felt like internally combusting.

“Boys, this is Y/N,” Giorgio broke the momentary silence by introducing her, “and Carolyn.” Y/N smiled shyly and sent them a little wave, a dusty shade of pink seeping its way to her cheeks. Carolyn’s greeting was much more exuberant than Y/N’s, as she took the initiative to go over and shake all of their hands amiably. Y/N realized she had to follow her friend in order to make a good first impression.

Knowing that the boys wanted to spend time with the girls without being chaperoned, Giorgio left the room to attend to other business affairs.

Upon first glance, Y/N was the most beautiful girl that four of the five Yardbirds had ever seen. Perfect features, long legs, a calm, gentle, sweet demeanor… Just an absolutely angelic young woman; a vision.

Jeff had obviously recognized her beauty, from seeing her at multiple shows, but he thought she was way out of his league. He decided to focus on getting her to laugh and relax around them, because he noticed just how nervous she looked. She was turning pale right in front of his very eyes! Paul and Chris began to internally question themselves, how have I not seen this girl before? She is so gorgeous! Jim had been glancing at her sporadically throughout the show, soaking up her faraway presence. He noticed how her eyes glistened in childlike wonder as she watched them do what they did best: perform the Chicago blues.

“Well, it is very nice to meet you both,” Keith replied enthusiastically. “I’m Keith,” he alluded to himself, then pointing to the other members of the group while giving their names, “and this is Chris, Paul, Jeff, and Jim.”

“I mean, we know who you guys are, but it’s so lovely to finally meet you,” Carolyn replied. Y/N nodded in agreement.

“Come and sit down! Make yourselves comfortable. We don’t bite,” Jeff joked, motioning to the open chairs. The girls smiled and accepted his invitation, Y/N taking a seat between Jeff Beck and Jim McCarty, while Carolyn took a seat between Keith Relf and Chris Dreja. The chairs were arranged in a circular formation, so each person could talk to the other with ease.

“Tell us about yourselves!” Paul initiated, “I think Y/N should go first though, because you haven’t said too much yet,” he laughed at the last part. Y/N giggled (a little too idiotically for her own liking), but she felt herself become starstruck at how her name sounded coming from one of their voices.

Y/N clenched her cold, clammy hands in her lap as a method to ease her anxiety before starting with a smile. “Well, I’m from Saint Albans. This is our fourth time, I believe, coming to see a Yardbirds gig. Carolyn and I came to see you with Eric Clapton once, and then this is the third time with Jeff.”

“Oh, that’s fantastic! I guess I see where your favor lies in terms of guitarists,” Jeff responded playfully.

“I guess you’re right,” Y/N laughed, “I will admit that I love what you’ve done with the body of work. Clapton was a blues purist, which I respect, and he’s great, but I think your playing is much more interesting and unorthodox.”

Paul, Jim, and Jeff all raised their eyebrows at Y/N’s comment. They were impressed with how she understood their musicality.

“Are you a musician?” Jim asked Y/N.

“Not in your sense of the word,” Y/N chuckled, “But I’ve been playing the piano for most of my life, so I understand music. Probably more than your average female audience member,” she added with a grin.

“That’s so cool! Are you classically trained, or is it just a hobby?”

“Classically trained,” Y/N admitted to Jim shyly.

“Oh wow, so you’re the real deal,” Jeff added.

“I’m not a professional, so I’d say no,” Y/N laughed.

“You probably know more about music than all five of us combined!” Paul said.

“Well, I know that you know much more about the blues than me!” Y/N answered playfully.

“Okay, I’ll give you that,” Paul smiled at Y/N. She cursed herself in her mind for feeling weak at Paul’s simple sentiment, but tried to keep her composure as best she could.

The four of them, especially Jeff and Y/N, began to bond over their love for different musicians. Y/N expressed her love for Chet Atkins and his fingerpicking style, Scotty Moore’s lively soloing style, and Robert Johnson’s slide technique and open tunings, rendering the three men shocked at her knowledge on the subject. Y/N loved how easily Jeff could make her laugh, and how interested Paul and Jim were at whatever she had to say, significant or insignificant. Chris Dreja, who was in a little group with Keith and Carolyn, occasionally spaced out of his conversation to hear what Y/N had to say.

They bonded for about an hour and a half about everything and nothing, until Y/N abruptly realized that Tommy was probably waiting for a while outside for her and her friend. She apologized to the band profusely for such a sudden departure as she and Carolyn walked towards the door.

“Say you’ll come visit us again after the show?” Jeff called to Y/N as she turned towards him in the doorframe.

“Absolutely,” she smiled brightly.

---------

Thanks so much, hope you enjoy!!

Taglist: @y0uth--anasia @reincarnated70sbaby

[joviewinchester]

31 Nights of Halloween Special!

Day 6: “i know you missed me. just admit it. i saw you visit my grave every day.”

A/N: I’ve never written for Jeremy before so cut me some slack. Lol

Two months had passed since she died. Y/N Forbes. Adopted by Liz Forbes. A diamond in the rough. Some might even say she was the sweetheart of Mystic Falls, but most importantly, she was the love of Jeremy Gilbert’s life.

Just like the day before and the day before that, Jer visited her grave with tears in his eyes. He wiped them off his cheeks with the sleeve of his jacket.

“Hey, Y/N. I know you’re probably at peace, so you most likely don’t hear a word I say, but I miss you. I miss you so much. I visit everyday, and I play that song you like on repeat. I’m not doing too well. Everyone seems to think that you’re still trapped. The gang keeps trying to find spells to bring you back. They miss you as much as I do, especially Caroline and Damon. Things were so much better with you here. I’ve seen your mom around. She isn’t the same. One time we actually ran into each other here. She might be doing worse than I am… But I hope you’re okay wherever you are. I didn’t get to say this when you were alive, but…I love you, Y/N.”

He stood up, wiped his tears again, and left the cemetery to meet the gang at the Salvatore house.

“I don’t understand why we can’t tell him!” Damon exclaimed.

“He’s already hurting! We can’t just say ‘Oh. Hey, Jeremy. By the way, your girlfriend is alive now. Yeah. You know... the one that’s been dead for two months.’” Bonnie said.

“Are you kidding?! He’ll be worse if we don’t tell him!” Damon said.

“Guys. When’s she supposed to wake up?” Stefan asked.

“Oh. Yeah. She should be waking up anytime now.” Bonnie said.

They all waited in anticipation. After ten minutes passed, Damon began to grow impatient.

“Do we just have a corpse in my living room for nothing?! I thought you said it’d be soon, Bonnie!” Damon complained.

The two began arguing, but Elena and Caroline stopped them.

“Guys! Look!” Elena said. Y/N shot up from her position on their couch, and took in her surroundings.

She got off the couch and immediately hugged Damon. “Okay. Thanks a lot, Y/N.” Caroline said.

“Hey kid. I missed you.” He said. “I know. You cry a lot for someone who’s gone through death so much.” Y/N joked.

Damon rolled his eyes and let go of her. The hugging continued until everyone heard the door open.

“Jer.” She whispered. “Y/N?” He asked.

She ran over and hugged him. A few minutes passed and no one said a word.

“Alright. Alright. That’s enough. Break it up, kids.” Damon said pushing them apart.

“Are those tears or just salty water?” Y/N joked.

Jeremy rolled his eyes at her sarcasm, even though he missed it. “Alright. You two go talk or whatever. I’m throwing you a ‘Congratulations you aren’t dead!’ party.” Damon said seriously.

“Gee thanks.” She replied with even more sarcasm. “Come on.” She said grabbing Jeremy’s hand and running out the door.

Damon sighed. “Kids. Gotta love em…Anyways. Let’s get to planning this party. Caroline, we’re in charge…Elena, stop looking at me like that. You can help too. Let’s get to work. Bunny killer, you’re in charge of food. Make sure it’s siren appropriate. Bon Bon, you and Elena invite some guests…but only people who won’t be wigged out by a ‘Congratulations you aren’t dead!’ party. Me and Caroline have got the decorations. Come on. We don’t have all day people!”

“Where are we even going, Y/N?” Jeremy asked as she hopped in his car grabbing the keys from his hand before he had the chance to protest.

“I don’t know. Just anywhere but a graveyard.”

“Oh. Ha. Ha.” Jer remarked sarcastically.

“You know, I know you missed me. Just admit it. I saw you visit my grave everyday.” She said.

“You weren’t still there this morning by any chance, were you?”

“Why? Were you breaking up with me?” She joked.

“No. It’s just…there’s some things that I didn’t get to tell you before the…incident.”

She pulled over at the sound of his voice growing serious.

She turned to look at him, and held his hands in hers and smiled. He turned away from her gaze.

“Seriously, Jer, what is it?”

“Y/N, I…I love you.” Her smile became brighter, and she leaned in and kissed him hard causing him to almost fall from his sitting position.

“I’m hoping that kiss meant that you love me too.”

“Of course I do, you idiot. I’ve been in love with you since Elena and Caroline practically forced us to hang out as kids.”

“Thank God. Oh and by the way, congratulations you aren’t dead.” He said with a mischievous smile.

She just rolled her eyes and kissed him again.

[ofcloudsandstars]

Hey guys so here is my experience from last night lmaoo get ready cause it was unsurprisingly a hot mess full of white people microaggressions and me being alone as the only black person present having to deal with their spiritual charade shenanigans.

It's a bit long but it's a colorful description of the event and the experience taking ayahuasca, a wrap up of my own spiritual and magical journey and also a rant on the caucasity rampant in spirituality lol. A tl;dr is that it's sad that White People have to go across the world to take medicine from other people that have ceremonies revolving around it when.. we literally have our own stuff here that's like.. nearly the same vibe.. But more on that below.

So last night for the lions gate sun lining up with sirius star I was invited last minute to an ayahuasca ceremony in the edge of London kind of by Richmond park. The whole universe really opened up for me to do this Ceremony. 

At first I was like I dunno I mean its hosted by wealthy white people right? Admission was £200 and I was like absolutely Not, not for a medicine taken far away from it's land and I dunno how the experience was going to be like, plus it was on a Saturday night until Sunday morning and I work in hospitality and if I couldn't get Tuesdays off to at least work in the garden center growing food and plants how would I get the full weekend off? Plus the ceremony was already full. Well without even ASKING, or really thinking much about it, for once in like.. 2 years working for this company I got the full weekend off?!?! The fuck!!!!! Like I literally had to go to my director to fight my manager to try to get off Tuesdays which are the QUIETEST day of the week for hospitality but I got the full weekend off on like one of the hottest summer weekends in England. My friend co-hosting the ceremony called me to tell me that I wouldn't have to pay full admission and it was all donation to the tribe anyway (like suggested donation) anything I could give would be appreciated but I certainly did not have to pay the full fee. Then I was supposed to go to the beach with my friends in the morning but that all fell through due to unforeseen circumstances. I was thinking the beach trip would make me unable to go to the ceremony but it was just like.. cancelled the morning of lol. Lastly this guy dropped out last second so there was space for me.I was like damn it was like the Universe reshuffled itself for me many times to do this so like sure I will take this opportunity. Plus my friend in this group did work with the tribe in Brazil earlier this year and they are friends with them and do this to raise money so that they can sustain themselves better, like they are building solar panels for electricity, building chicken coups and trying to integrate little bits of modern society (like the electricity and water filtration parts, not like social media and capitalism lmao) into their lives. The last ceremony they did they raised like 2,000 pounds and this got the tribe a lot of food and funds to buy solar panels. So I was like ok this is also a good cause I always would love to help out indigenous people that protect the Earth.

Anyway there was a vibe about the way the Universe just opened itself up for this medicine that reminded me of Mushrooms. Like it's a strange thing but people that take mushrooms medicinally say it as well like it finds you when you need it. Last night I also got a great link to healing mushrooms as well and it was just the time to open myself up to that type of frequency I guess. For a while before it was a challenge to find for years I’ve been living here, but all of a sudden the universe was like: here you go! Anyway I was thrilled to work with this medicine and ground the lessons I've learned getting pinball tossed around the cosmos on DMT at the beginning of 2020 in January.

-

So yes I got to the edge of London and it was in some beautiful secret entrance building painted with murals of green jungle designs, A LOT of Indian spiritual symbolism everywhere, statues of Ganesha and other bejeweled paintings of Indian gods. It was beautiful but to be frank as much as I find Hinduism beautiful I never related much to it cause it's not my culture. What I mean by 'relate' is that there is this SEVERE obsession in white western cultures looking for spirituality in Hinduism and I never really got it. Like yes it's beautiful like many other nature-based spiritual religions but we are so far removed from the climate and nature of India like why are they so fascinated by it? Then.. there were some red flags... 

Ok for starters I was the ONLY NOT-WHITE PERSON there. I think it bothered me more in this moment cause I just got off discussing with an incredible Earthy witch in NYC who changed my life who's trying to do work by providing a nature sanctuary garden for POC how nature is so inaccessible to us and it's gate-kept by wealthy white people. I could elaborate on that more later but this post will be long enough lol. But anyway, why is this medicine not accessible to POC? When it's something not even native to here either? So it's like deliberately not shared with us?

Then there were just some people's vibes like ooooh boy I dunno why but some people just felt cold towards me? Like I guess they were annoyed at me showing up last minute to their ceremony? But my friend was co-hosting it? Like if you trust my friends judgement you should have trusted her in inviting me like I am not some asshole. But they were like.. impatient with me I guess? Like 'oh you didn't bring a waterbottle?? Guess you gotta borrow one of ours.' like BITCH I don't know what to expect man the closest experience I had to this substance was DMT where it knocks you the fuck out of your body and your spirit gets catapulted into the cosmos like I didn't know I gotta bring shit, damn! And then there were some people I felt like I just didn't want to talk to. Like they already had this cold vibe towards me like they didn't think I was relatable cause I wasn't some white cosmic yoga hippie like them (sorry I am a black bog witch like leave me alone) but anyway the way they were talking about the medicine was kind of irking me too like, 'ooh can't wait to clear some stuff I just gotta clear it out you know?' I am like, Becky we gonna be vomiting into buckets like calm down.

AND THEN LASTLY oooh boy so when you do any psychedelic the space really matters right? My friend like.. assigns me this fucking (ooh boy just typing this story and reliving it I am already getting heated lmaooo) |CORNER| spot and what I mean by corner is that it is in the corner of the room but wedged between the fireplace so you are stuck between 3 tight walls and you can't fully lie down or stretch your legs. Everyone across the room could lie down but me. Then there are like vomit buckets and this white girls crystal grid blocking my path if I need to leave to use the toilet or even stretch my legs so already I am having a slight panic moment cause I hate being confined. In general, I tend to like to pick aisle seats on planes and stand on either corners by the door of the elevator cause I fucking hate being confined. So I say something immediately like: ok well can I change spots? I am worried about being blocked. Can I sit there? 'no someone is there.' There? 'no' etc. So I am just like omg I am going to have to deal with it and some people are getting a bit fussy that I am trying to demand better treatment, so I am leaving it. They at least move the pile of vomit buckets out my way lol. But these white women next to me have also taken ALL OF THE NICE fucking pillows to make themselves super comfortable pillow chairs like one for their ass and back against the wall and they were like: oh no you'll need a pillow too! (Cause the ceremony is 12 hours long throughout the night like 9 to 9) and I was like yeah... and they were like: oh no there is no more!! But like CLEARLY all of the nice cushiony things were not evenly distributed across the room and the few people who did not get some nice cushions at least had space to stretch their legs. I didn't really say anything cause obviously these two white women had like pillow thrones happening next to me and this woman literally said with a pouty face: Aww, now I feel bad cause I have two nice pillows!  BITCH, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!?!?! Fucking christ. See?? SEE IT's shit like THIS that make POC hate that kind of white guilt shenanigans like, oh my god bitch either swallow your guilt in peace or give me a fucking pillow like you are trying to shift the position on to me to pressure you into giving me a pillow which you would either read as demanding or hope that I stay silent and be like: it's ok! so you can enjoy your comfort in peace and be free of your guilt. Like fuck off!!

Then there was this full time astrologer there who has some indigenous feather clip in her hair for some reason. She wanted to say a few things about what was going on with the planets. She was like: I love charting asteroids cause I feel like it's a representation of the divine feminine coming back! (I was going to be like: Me too! But the way she spoke about it was like.. not all of it is feminine? What do you mean?) she was talking about Medusa and eros conjunct in gemini right now and the myth of medusa being smited by aphrodite for being beautiful or whatever and I am thinking like I do not recall this myth cause it was Athena that turned her into the 'monster' to protect her wtf. And wanted to talk about mars retrograde that's not coming up for a while. So anyway I am like: Yeah! I love astrology too!  All that you talked about was pretty cool but I also wanted to mention some big changes are coming up with Uranus going into retrograde a week from now!! :) and everyone just like.. disregarded what I said.. Like she was like: oh yeah.. that's just an outer planet.. OK BITCH like I am pretty sure Uranus, a big ass planet that has to do with revolution, freedom and change going retrograde until Autumn is much more noteworthy than some little asteroid who's myth and energy you've completely misinterpreted being conjunct with Eros. (Eros is moving into Cancer really soon too so the conjunction isn't even going to last that long). Plus I wanted to mention that it was nice that we were doing this ceremony on an Aries moon cause it's like the symbolic start of a cycle yet it's a disseminating moon so it's also like starting off a cycle by celebrating the fruits of our success. But no one really wanted to listen to me anymore though that energy did influence my trip.

Anyway there was a part of me that was pretty bummed that my best witch friend that I did DMT with could not have come as well cause there just was no more space. At least we are always on the same vibe with everything and we would have been laughing about the shadiness of it all or excited about what's to come but I felt pretty alone during this ceremony.

-

So it begins, I got my borrowed waterbottle, the smallest, thinnest and hardest pillow that no one wanted for my ass that hurt more to sit on then the thin yoga mat that was just as thick as a human mousepad and I am like: who knows I may be so out of it I won't notice my space as much. The woman leading this is someone who worked with my friend in the tribe in Brazil. She is Russian and got the feathers in her blonde whispy hair and shit I am like oh boy. She explains what work they were doing and the reason for the fundraiser like the details of what the tribe is building and how they are supporting themselves. Also the tribe that night were also doing an ayahuasca ceremony earlier to sync with us so that they can meet up in the Astral plane which is really beautiful. She also explained how they were surprised at westerners fascination with the medicine. Cause they are like: this is apart of everyday life and there are other healing plants in the amazon too. Like why do westerners have a fascination with this? It is a way to connect with the jungle and cleanse yourself and reset (once again I am making that connection to mushrooms I am like.. the vibe sounds oddly familiar), but they find westerners interest in it weird.

Ok so we start with some ceremonies to open up the space and create this 'fire spiral' altar in the middle of the room. They light the pillar candle and have a tea light for everyone in the room. We each go around to light our tea light in the spiral with our intention allowed. People go there and declare stuff like: I am free, I am aligned with my path, etc.  I think about my intention for this trip and how it feels like another pillar of understanding in my journey to connect with my heart energy, love myself and be proud of my accomplishments cause I really came a long way. I was a bit afraid it was going to be another chaotic DMT experience but I just reminded myself that no matter how bad I felt everything was going to be ok cause I have people in this world that care about me. Even if I disappear somewhere or end up dead someone will come looking for me. And I know that sounds dramatic and morbid but at one point like 5 years ago I really did not have that. I was alone, lost and suicidal. I know what loneliness can do to people and it's nice all of the friends I pulled together in London who are creative diverse witches that all made great friends with each other as well through me and it's like we created this new found family that cares and supports each other. So I light my candle and say alloud: I am protected by love and reflect that in the things I create. Anyway the ceremony leader is like.. can I say something?? BITCH!!! HOOOOO MY GOD I should I have said NO but I was like, ok, she is the ceremony leader so I am like.. go ahead.. She was like: By saying you are protected by love that's implying you could be attacked.. (Like Why the fuck would you say this?? While I am lighting my candle?? You are putting negative energy towards my intention wtf) I was like no I meant it like.. I am supported by love. She is like: ah yeah that's better say that. She did not want to correct NONE OF THESE OTHER PEOPLE when they were saying 'I am free'? BITCH you could have had the same energy like: that's implying you could be enslaved. Anyway that irritated me into my trip. I took the ayahuasca from her and as I was feeling the effects I was feeling more and more adamant about my intentions.

-

I was thinking about the times when I was alone, when I was targeted and attacked by this stupid racist social group in college that made me feel unworthy of friendship and it was hard to make new friends until I was 21 cause it was a city college so most people hung out with their highschool friends until they were old enough to go out and drink so the first two years I was fucking lonely and the subject of like a lot of harassment when I did try to socialize in clubs and would run into those people there. It nuked my self esteem. Plus though I did so much finding friends magic it was really difficult finding friends that into the same things I was. Sometimes I felt like I was the only witch, the only person really into nature and magic. After college I did another spell and met this incredible witch that we synched so much (I have def wrote wild adventures with us together but she was also abusive cause at that point I still did not know how to establish my boundaries well) but I met other amazing witches in NYC but eventually we all moved. The incredible Earth witch who changed my life was the one who accidentally gave me shrooms that were like grown with love and intention that helped break down my mental barriers and help me take charge of my life and finally move out of my house I grew up in.. like completely out of the country and into England to start my life anew. In England I was successful in making a whole community of loving witch friends who really care about me and add to the ceremonies I host. I joined greenspaces to learn how to grow food and plants. I fucking STRUGGLED in my job getting my food in the door with bartending and slaving my way up until I have a cushy desk office job with healthcare. All in 2 years. I fucking hauled ass and created and manifested the life I always wanted when I was suicidal in NYC thinking that this reality was impossible. And every time I feel anxious I know that since I love and trust in myself that I will always protect myself and even if I was worried I have like a whole SET of magical badass witch friends who would help me at anything and I would do the same for them. 

When my roommate was threatening to call the police on me back when lockdown happened (long story) one friend did some healing on her and she like completely came to her senses and apologized the next day which was wild considering that she's such a proud self-absorbed person and would never do that. She realized that she was acting super ugly and was like wow I don't want to be this person. (Also I was so close to cursing the shit out of her lol but we are cool now). Also I am going away to Italy for the first time to be with this gorgeous man who wants to take me around his hometown but I am only going cause another close witch friend just moved to the neighboring town and will check up on me. She made sure to call him without me even asking to look at his itinerary and include herself and her boyfriend in a night of drinks to check up on us lmaoo. She is such an Aries I love her. If anything would happen to me she would make sure I was safe and could stay with her if something went wrong. God I could go on about each friend, how they've helped me with confidence, healing, safety and just feeling loved, valued, accepted and less alone which is powerful in this society that thrives on people not valuing themselves and where pure unconditional love has seemed to have lost it's meaning. One thing I admire about trees so much is how when they grow together their roots intertwine underneath the ground so that they can support each other upright during winds and storms. They also send nutrients to each other and help each other grow. I feel like I made a network of trees with witch friends in London and I am proud of that when I didn't have that years ago when I was alone and actively hated by a group in college. (I mean about the group it was more like a dynamic where a guy who had control over the club wanted to shun me cause he just likes the power dynamic of picking someone to talk shit about like literally if it was not me it was going to be someone else. So one party cause I did have a crush on him, I told him as I was wasted I was into him but then later apologized when sober if he didn't feel the same way. Like it really wasn't a big deal, I was a flirty 19 year old, but it was fuel for him to once again redirect negative attention on someone cause he's someone who's insecure so he likes the power of getting others focus on people and crush them. The "mutual friends" kind of didn't care about what was going on. The reason why this dynamic worked is cause in a way everyone was a bit lonely and didn't value themselves so they were willing to do anything to fit into a toxic social circle to have access to a club room and drink underage on campus to feel included and didn't want to question who the witch hunt of the week was so they could feel like they were in the ‘in crowd’. It was pathetic when one of them would be the new target and they would come to me like: boohoo I know what it feels like. Bitch I do not care and I made new friends and moved on. Fucking cunts.  -Another thing about being protected by love is like as a black woman even though I got some privileges being mixed and half European I still was subject to racism and I am still scared of hate crimes fueled by sexism and queerphobia but I have friends who will support me and understand and if anything happened to me people would care. Like yes some people in this world DO have things to fear about getting attacked cause we are not all privileged in society to not fear getting hurt Karen.

Anyway as the ayahuasca was kicking in I started getting a bit emotional cause I was thinking about people in the world that really deserve to be loved in this society that condemns us for loving ourselves which is the most important thing. I was crying thinking about black kids especially black girls trying to survive in this society or LGBT+ kids and how some people can't even have their existences respected. How people mock others for their gender identity but those people are in a constant battle with loving themselves cause I am sure at the end of the day they feel hopeless at times or giving up and have to fucking battle dysphoria and have to survive in a society that actively wants them dead and its really fucking upsetting like hooo them psychadelics were opening my heart and grief while this white woman across the room was doing some downward dog yoga shit into her bucket so she can wretch into it lmaoo..

When it started kicking in, boy omgg I felt SO GOOD but I was like..  This.. THIS (I got so mad when I realized this)  THIS IS JUST FUCKING MUSHROOMS LIKE!!!!! !!! ! THIS VIBE IS SERIOUSLY JUST SHROOMS, THE JUNGLE EDITION™   like no wonder the tribes are like: what are white people on about? Cause if they all came with their pashmina scarves, harem pants and grinch-finger dreadlocks to my woodland for mushrooms, especially when there are so many magical plants as well but they are just focusing on this psychedelic when there's also like native medicines in every land I would be a bit confused too. Like we were drinking something that was the equivalent of mushroom tea but it made you vomit it back up eventually. Ohh my god lmaooo. 

I felt so beautiful though. Some comparisons if you guys have done mushrooms: where as mushrooms make you feel these gentle pulsations like everything is breathing around you had has this gentle life breathing among everything like it's all connected (like the mycellium under a forest), ayahuasca makes you feel so sensual like everything is kind of just rolling like how the underside of waves look except the waves are large snakes. Like things start getting wavy the way snakes move but slow and sensually, think like the way a bellydancers hips can roll. It was a whole MOOD. Also with mushrooms when you close your eyes you can see these beautiful patterns bloom before your eyes like pastel art nouveau fractal patterns of tree roots, or clusters of bubbles you'd see looking at plant stems vascular bundles under a microscope or the web-like pattern you see in butterfly and dragonfly wings. With ayahuasca when you close your eyes you see like bright neon colored geometric shapes expanding like bismuth crystals, the patterns you see in indigenous textiles like triangles and cubes, sometimes they will lattice together and make beautiful neon snake-skins that gently slither together. If you've ever seen Miyazaki's/Studio Ghibli's castle in the sky it reminds me of that 'lost technology' metal blocks with runes and scriptures on it moving around. Sometimes you will be following this thread of cubes and they'd be moving around like in that scene and in this cavern of blocks you'd see this celestial-looking geometric crystaline being be revealed. It's very beautiful. Though mushrooms can make you purge, it really does not happen often. However with ayahuasca it's almost a guarantee you will vomit it back up.

So people are all wretching everywhere as the ceremony leader is singing some folk songs from the tribe to guide us through our journey. What's cool is that you kind of feel that purge coming towards the peak end of the trip like a kind of brown murky snake rising from the bottom of your body up like kundalini energy starting from the base of your spine bowels past your stomach up until it pokes from your throat opening up that passage way until you feel it in your head and you just release it all out into the bucket. Not really glam but it doesn't taste bad but then again being a bog witch I drink all sorts of murky plant teas so I am used to the flavor palate. (It's like a sweet in an aromatic way and reminds me of one of those chinese medicinal murky teas).

Also as I was realizing the similarities between this and shrooms I was like wow it's a shame that we aren't outside or somewhere with jungle plants at least to connect with that plant energy. Instead we are in this hindu spiritual retreat place but if we just did some shrooms we could have been out in the sunlight at richmond park hugging the massive ancient trees there and feeding the wild deer summer strawberries like instead I am fucking cramped in this corner vomiting into a bucket with this exotic medicine.

As my trip went on I was thinking more about my friends who care about me and support me and how much I loved them and I couldn't stop thinking about my best witch friend that I did DMT with whom I wish was there. Like we would at least have been laughing about this or vomiting together or she would be like: omg this would be such great play-write material. She is white passing but super self aware and would at least make sure that I felt ok and included in all of this. I took a moment to step out of the circle to text her about the details and the woman in the corner doing yoga and vomiting in her downward dog pose and she was cackling and of course since the medicine connects you to that heartspace I was like confessing how much I care about her and how much of a special friend she was to me and was tearing up but one of the ceremony leaders followed me outside and was like: no phones!! It's not good energy!! Omg?? Like sorry I forgot cellphones were the devil's energy, it's not like I am bored and scrolling through social media, I just wanted to connect with my best friend who makes me feel less alone thanks.. Anyway I went back after being scolded and tried to get comfortable in my cramped spot.

Some positive affirmations I did get through all this was that (bringing back the disseminating moon vibe) I was loved and should be really proud of how far I've come. I kept thinking about all the people I love and cared about and how I should express my love in little ways that will make them happy like celebrating love everyday to make sure that people can feel supported cause it was the themes of my DMT trip too but now it was clearer and more grounded. I also got messages that sometimes I tend to be too selfless and there will be a time that I will help others but I should prioritize myself first mostly cause when my cup is full or when I get to positions of power or comfort I can always share that with people I care about. It was a good conclusion to a half years effort cause this also reflected my Glastonbury trip back in November where this witch who read my tarot cards gave me the clearest reading of my life and told me that I would not do well if I did not confront my heart energy and the pain there that was still festering from the social experience at university. So the efforts I went through my friend giving me sound healing and the DMT trip and other stuff has really opened up my heart and helped me to connect with that energy and care about myself more. But there was the theme again of I really need to protect myself first. Sometimes when the white girl next to me was mercilessly wretching and wailing into her bucket I felt so emotional for her that I would fan her but I would get this loud voice in my head like: DID SHE EVEN ASK THAT OF YOU?? FAN YOURSELF IT'S HOT BITCH- SHE OK SHE GOT HER FUCKING PILLOW THRONE WHEN YOUR ASS IS ON THE HARD GROUND. After purging and trying to get comfortable in my corner I would get increasingly aware of the lack of space and how I was starting to feel claustrophobic and it was starting to fuck with me. Cause yeah I got mental health issues, but it's usually under wraps when I take care of myself like, good sleep, food and water but, I was getting sleep deprived since this was an all night ceremony, I wasn't able to eat food to fast before this, and now I can't even fucking lie down cause I was in a coffin of a corner on the hard ground. My muscles and knee joints were starting to hurt. People were so in the zone just like.. doing arm-trance dance shit or throwing up while the ceremony host was hollering some songs which no one understood the meaning to and I felt at that point it was too late to ask anyone to share their pillows. I was noticing as I was coming down from the sensual jungle slithering plane that I was in muscle and joint pain.

I was like: Ok it's fine, the night would go by quickly.. It was not going by quickly.. I remember once I was sneakily looking at my phone’s clock and it was 4:30AM. I was like ok just gotta get through this time will pass.. The ceremony leader was like intoning some frequency so loudly she was trying to channel some celestial dolphins and whales or some shit but it was so high pitched the crown of my head would be vibrating and at first it feels energizing and cool but since my head hasn't had anyplace comfortable to rest I got a tension migraine from placing it on the floor so I could feel the high pitch note like vibrating the pain in my head. Then she was doing individual healings (I also got skipped somehow in this), she would be like channeling the frequencies for each person and making sure they purged what they need to purge and they would wretch into the bucket some more as she was growling into their backs, the feathers stuck in her blonde hair, quivering as she growled, there was the yoga girl now crying releasing her purge again. Someone was sticking their legs into the air and waving them around cause of energy I guess. I am like ok ok time will pass quickly.. what time is it? *sneakily checks my phone again so I won't get yelled at* 4:32am

OH HELL NO. I am trying to calm myself down but like if you struggle with the mental health imbalance I was in the red zone. Like I have not eaten, my stomach is cleared with vomiting, I cannot sleep, I am CONFINED in this corner, unable to stretch my legs, I am in PAIN, I feel alone.. They go around offering everyone a cup again and I am like: fuck it let me take a second cup..

So I start feeling good again, I feel like a sensual snake like trying to slither across silk. (You know when snakes try to slither across silk but they cannot move across it? It's like that you are just slithering in place) but literally I also feel like a clearer message in my mind almost like the spirit of ayahuasca is communicating with me like: Hun.. babe.. You got your positive affirmations that it's your time to rest and celebrate all you're hard work but you need to remember that you gotta honor and take care of yourself as a part of self love and you being confined in this space is not an act of self love. Especially if you do decide to stay here longer your mood and health will drop so low that it will affect others healings so it's best for everyone if you try to go home early. Like I felt the spirit of that medicine actually encouraging me to leave. Like the fucking ayahuasca itself was like this environment isn’t healthy for you lmaoooo.   And I think that's wild.. It's so wild that these white women are all like: We are going to connect with the cosmic dolphin frequencies, and the tribe in the amazon and the human race, but they CAN'T EVEN FUCKING CONNECT TO THE BLACK GIRL IN PAIN IN THE CORNER OF THE ROOM, like they can't even distribute their nice pillows, they can't even read that I need help. They SKIPPED me with the individual healing. They were so cold towards me. Fuck it! Even my friend's companion dog who was there noticed I was off. She would look at me with concern in her big eyes and apprehension cause she could feel my pain turning into mentally unstable anger. I was like aw man I am killing the dogs vibe right now but damn the dog noticed and even these white women didn't?! Like I dunno if they are that empathetically shut off or if they were deliberately ignoring me. lmao, Also I think maybe cause I vibe so much with plants and genuinely want to reforest some land some day maybe that's why I feel so at home in the ayahuasca high like the medicine was really comforting the second cup but it also was like: you cannot hide within my frequency to escape pain- cause obviously it's NOT a substance for escapism. Anything but. It was like: it's time to go home and take care of yourself. (Like you'd imagine being on the brink of a mental breakdown taking this stuff may push you over the edge but it was actually very loving, sensual and re-affirming again.)

So the ceremony leaders notice since it's 5AM that most people are comfortably asleep in their piles of pillows and stretched out legs and they are about to go to bed but I go up to my friend and am like: thank you for everything, I think I should go home now.. And the women leading it were all Surprised and Shocked! 'Oh my goodness?? She's leaving?! Going home? The event isn't over!' Mind you this is by Richmond park and I live in north London by Hampstead heath so yeah it is a mission. I also could not afford the £40 uber so I was willing to take the shady public sunday morning night bus home lmao (oh no she'll expose herself to all that heavy shady energies of public transit! 🙄). But I was like the amount of time the bus would take from me to go home is probably not as long as the way time was inching slowly within that space and me being in pain. So my friend walked me out and I was trying to be as loving and cheerful and grateful cause I honestly did not want to bring down anyone's vibe. She checked up on me as I was getting my things to make sure I had a healing experience. I tried to be a little honest in being like: It was beautiful, it reminded me of mushrooms but like from the jungle.. Honestly the reason why I am leaving is cause I am in physical pain and I don’t think I can stay in the corner any longer; and she was like: yeah well ceremony is never comfortable. HOOOOOO LAWDDD. Oooof.. Omg.. Like.. OOF firstly.. The ceremony leaders each had 3 stacks of like thick pillowy matts to sleep on which ONE Of them could have been given to me and like yeah I am sure ceremony is at least bearable when you have a fucking pillow throne and mattresses and not confined in a coffin of a corner spot unable to move your legs without knocking someone’s vomit bucket over. Jesus. I didn’t say anything. I just grabbed my shit and left. As soon as I was free on the other side of the gate I felt SO RELIEVED!!

It was so refreshing being outside on sunrise, free to stretch my legs. I could still feel the affect of the medicine as things would pass me by and I'd see like this stream of energy behind them it was really pretty and cool. Since it was London in Liminal Space Hours™, there were foxes everywhere leaving behind streams of soft light as they'd move around the empty streets. The bus was pretty chill other than this fucking creep of a man walking in this dark cloud and when he moved past me his stream of light was literally some ugly fluorescent hostile neon color I was like wow I can literally see your grimy frequency right now lmaoo. But whatever, anything was better than staying silent in that cramped corner to cater to white women's comfort.

Anyway I got home, got plenty of water, took care of myself and crashed on my super comfortable bed. It was a really good decision I made I could not imagine staying until 9 AM like it was not possible and I am grateful I honored myself in leaving early and listening to ayahuasca's reminder to do that as well.

-

So the conclusions I made:

White people as a modern cultural collective are fucking wild and can sometimes be a lost cause, cause we literally have medicine here that does similar stuff and more like flying ointments which can help you confront your shadow and fly to other planes but they just want to lose themselves in the mysteries of other peoples exotified cultures that still have traditions in tact to celebrate the nature around them cause white people are disconnected completely from the nature that they come from. (Also obviously to clarify I mean white people as the modern white supremacist culture, obviously not everyone individually cause I am friends with a lot of white witches here doing invaluable work connecting people back with the native land, plant medicines and traditions and many of them trying to save the Gaelic language and traditions that are still under threat and being killed off today).

Though ayahuasca can be more of a powerful cleanser than mushrooms, it's essentially the same frequency of plant medicine like the same vibe just connecting you to another land and there is a reason why indigenous people think white people are weird for over glorifying it when we have our own shit. If you are really curious about ayahuasca I mean mushrooms are good enough a job really and will better connect you to the woodlands that you may live in. 

 Most importantly I kind of understand the type of role I need to play and the path there isn't clear cut but it's important for me to keep spreading that message of love. Right now we live in a dark dank ass time line when the Earth is transiting some dark corner of the cosmos and everything is going through it's own nasty purge while we try to ascend to a new and better reality. However this new and better reality is really indifferent towards the existence of the human race or white supremacy so as the earth ascends and has it’s own purges, if people don't fucking get it together, especially white people, we are going to get taken out as the rest of the world thrives and glows up without us. It's so easy to fall into a spiral of self hate cause this shitty evil society we live in thrives on us not knowing how to honor ourselves and love ourselves. Even capitalism has twisted the idea of loving ourselves into something selfish or synonymous with splurging money to further empower stupid companies to give us quick highs from new purchases that will lose it's meaning and later pollute the earth.

On these trips a message I keep on getting is that love and life are synonymous. It's true and sad that there are many people brought into this world without love but what lets life thrive and what makes life worth living is love. And love is really that energy where we are grateful in our existence and the existence of our friends and those that support us and nature that supports us. But often what helps us understand that love is being able to support ourselves and do stuff that honors ourselves. And yes being loved IS a need, so it's important to seek out friends that validate you and that will love and support you and that you can do the same with them. If you find that network you will feel less alone and when you love yourself you will never feel alone and that in itself is true empowerment. When you have love in your life like that you can do anything and you will always feel safe. And I think that's why I was crying at the beginning of my trip cause I know what it's like to not have that. I know what it was like to feel hopeless and suicidal. We also live in a society that like beats down on kids of color especially black girls and like LGBT kids especially trans kids and it makes me so sad to think that there are people here that don't even realize how valuable they are by just existing. Like their lives don't just matter, they are INVALUABLE and that they need to fight for themselves every day and make the effort to love themselves cause honestly once they push through and really figure out how to love themselves they don't realize that they are literally a beacon of light and hope for others to learn how to love themselves too. Once they get to that place someone else who could be alone and struggling can look to them and be like: wow I do have the right to exist and be valued cause this person found a way to do it themselves even though society shat on them the whole time. And it's important to support your peers in these marginalized groups as well and be allies to those who are not well supported in this society. Like this is such a shitty timeline but people need to realize that they are made of love and that they are valuable and that the future of humanity and our peace and well being depends on their missions to find love for themselves and overcome white supremacy's demon ass structure that is enslaving us all.

Ok that is all. If you have read all of this thank you <3

[paulsmashedpotato]

hiii could u write something with 25, 62 and 64 with paul? i love jealous paul lmao thank u dear❤️

This is a bit of a crack but enjoy it anyway!

Masterlist

Mine

Pairing: Paul McCartney x reader

Word count: 1.3k

Warning: there might be typos, I didn't proof read lol

"What is it?" You asked, feeling excitement flow through every vessel in your body. Paul has both his hands over your eyes. "You'll see, we're close," He said, guiding you to the small garden picnic he's prepared for you.

"You ready?" He asked, you could feel him getting closer, you giggled, putting your hands over his to remove them. "I am, I'm ready."

He slowly removed his hand, earning a gasp from you the moment you saw the setting. A checkered blanket was cleanly laid on the grass and on it were a basket of bread and buscuits, a bottle of wine, and some slices of different fruits. Your favourite flower filled the bushes and the sky was perfectly painted the prettiest shade of blue. "What is this?" You asked, a giggle can't help but escape your lips.

"It's a date!" He beamed. "Come on, let's sit."

You talked a bit, enjoyed the snacks, and now the two of you are both lied down the grass, looking at the clouds very slowly move across the sky.

"Oh I almost forgot," Paul says, sitting up and going through his pockets. "I have something for you." You sat up with a smile, watching him rummage through his pockets. "Turn around first," he grinned. You did as he asked, an excited smile was plastered on your face.

Not long after, he moves his hand over your head to place a necklace around your neck, you looked down. "P as in Paul?" You asked, holding the letter P pendant that was attached to the necklace. "Yeah... Did you want a different name?" He asked, a bit of sarcasm in his tone. You laughed while shaking your head. "No, no, it's great, I love it!" He smiled, leaning over your shoulder to kiss your cheek. "Don't ever take it off."

You nodded, still holding the pendant. "I won't, Paul."

++|++

He has been waiting for you to finish preparing for the party you two were attending. "I'm almost done!" You answered, brushing up your hair. "You said that five minutes ago," he whined, you could tell he was sprawling on the couch, letting out impatient groans. "I meant I was almost done putting on my dress!"

A few weeks have passed and as you told Paul, you never took off the necklace whenever you went out, you admired it and he loved seeing it on you.

"You ready, love?" Paul called from outside your room.

Not long after, you finally walked out the door and Paul immediately got up, eyeing your dress that just defined your shape perfectly, it was open at the back and the straps were off your shoulder. A smile played on his lips. "You look ravishing." He walked towards you, taking your hand and letting you spin. "Can't believe you are all mine."

"Thanks, you're not too bad yourself, Paul," You giggled, pecking his lips. "Now let's go. We're very late," you said, pulling him out the house and to the parked car.

"And whose fault is that?"

"Yours for not telling me earlier, I could've prepared ahead," you cockily said, he turned his head abruptly towards you just before he was about to climb in the backseat. "Hey, I told you two nights ago and I reminded you every hour today since this morning."

"Shush, just get in already so we could leave," you gently pushed him in the backseat and told the driver to go when you got in as well.

It wasn't that long of a ride since the venue was just close to your house. Paul got out first, the guards helping him push off paparazzis, he jog to your side of the car, opening the door and putting his hand out for you.

You got out, holding his hand and you both made your way inside the building, hand in hand.

"Paul, come on, we've gotta play!" John says, immediately pulling Paul towards him when you two got in. "Sorry, y/n. Gotta borrow me lad, we were supposed to play eight minutes ago, been forever!" You let out a short laugh. "Sorry about that. Paul takes too long to prepare."

"Hey —"

"Good luck with the play, I'll be watching," you said, cutting Paul off, you leaned in to give him a quick kiss. John started dragging him to the stage and you watched the two walk away.

You made your way near the front so you'd have a better view of the boys performing. Once the boys got on the stage, Paul immediately met your eyes, sending you a wink. You gestured for him to fix his crooked bow tie. He did, showing you a thumb's up to ask if it was already okay. You nodded with an amused smile.

They started playing and you kept your eyes on Paul, he'd wink and smile at you everytime and you'd just smile back. You clapped along with the crowd when they finished and you watched the boys walk down the stage, a lot of people greeting them.

You decided to get a drink first since you know how long it takes for the band to finish talking and answering questions from invited reporters.

Paul squeezed himself past the reporters after answering a question or two to look for you but a few more people blocked his way and it'd be disrespectful not to say hi at least.

After a few minutes that felt like forever for him, he finally managed to excuse himself and he started searching for you again. Finally, he spotted you talking to a guy near the bar, he started boiling when he saw the guy place his hand on your bare back. Stomping towards the scene, he squeezed himself between the two of you, cutting both your laughs.

"Paul, what are you —" he took your hand, intertwining his fingers with you and bringing it up to the guy's face. "Look, we're dating, y/n and I. See?" If he moved his hand any closer he'd be shoving your connected hands on the poor guy's face.

"And see this —" he pointed at your necklace. "It clearly says Paul, didn't you know that?"

"I didn't know, it's just the letter P —"

"Well now you know it stands for Paul," he retaliated, he faced you, his face a bit red. “Go find, Ringo and sit next to him, I’ll find you later.” He said. “Don’t go about other guys, I’ll deal with this guy first.” 

“That girl is mine so don’t go putting your hand on her back or even laying a finger anywhere on her body, mister," he said seethingly, the words coming out like a threat. 

You scrunched your eyebrows in confusion before making your way to look for Ringo. 

“Look Paul, I really was just making conversation —”

“What happened, where’s Paul?” Ringo asked, a glass of wine held between his fingers. “He’s acting like a child again, that poor guy wasn’t even doing anything,” you huffed, crossing you arms against your chest.

“He was, he put his hand on your back. I saw it.” He took off his coat, putting it around your shoulders. “And don’t tie your hair up like that ‘e was looking at your neck. God-fucking-damn it, why is your neck that pretty?”

Not even a minute later, you already saw him walking towards you. “Paul, what were you thinking?” You asked, putting your hands down to your side. “I’ll excuse myself,” Ringo awkwardly said, walking away to leave you two to talk. “He wasn’t doing anything, Paul.”

You pursed your lips to stifle a laugh from his statement. “Didn’t you work with him before? He can be trusted.”

“I am not,” he countered. “Definitely something a 16-year-old boy would retort," you laughed. "Come on, jealous boy, let’s get a drink,” you invited, locking arms with him. “M’not jealous, just don’t like him putting his hand on you and you laughing and giggling with him — it’s probably just a lame joke, you were too nice to him."

“No, I don’t like him so stay away from him.” You couldn’t hold your laugh in anymore, he looked at you, confused and a bit flushed. “You’re a 16-year-old boy trapped in a man’s body.”

“Yeah, that sounds very jealous to me,” you chuckled. “Don’t worry, now he knows I’m yours, you’ve made that very clear.”

“That’s right, he should know. You’re mine, just mine.”

-that's probably how he winked at you on stage-

---

Let's be mutuals pleaseee!!

[boomstyle]

Sonic Boom : Friend or Foe

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters and settings of Sonic boom. Oh, watch out for OCs!

Truth Hurts But Heals

On the Next day

I was on my way to Meh Burger when I saw Shawn passing through the route close to Amy's house. Amy's house is as close as a zip across the beach. It's easy just go straight to the right and you'll see a lush garden with a practical stilt hut close to the shore of a clear lake. That's where Amy's house lies. Yup, he's going there. Now, I'm hiding close to the window. I just hope I don't get caught or else I'm doom.

Amy Rose's hut

(door knock)

"Coming", Amy Rose said.

When Amy open the door, she invited Shawn in. Amy, I hope you're more careful with him. He's dangerous.

"Shawn, come on in!"

Amy is really happy to see him but did she know anything about him. I guess not. What she knows is his vacant mask. I will unmask him but I have to be careful. If I get caught up in the process, there's nothing he could do to harm us or even the whole village.

"AMY(cries)", Shawn cried crocodile tears. What a fake guy he is?

"What happens, Shawn?", Amy asked.

"Amy, I am hopeless, very hopeless.", Shawn fooled her. Oh, he can fool the whole team or even the whole world but he can't fool Shadow and me. I'm glad Shadow shows some of his soft spot toward me despite the fact we're rivals.

"Sonic, he... kicked me out of his house and said that I'm worthless pal."

What? I never said that. Sure, I was jealous and suspicious of him over the course of months but this is just too far. That's it. I'm barging in. I don't care if I ever get caught as long as my team was safe.

"That's it, Shawn or should I say Zuko.", I give out a firm statement after I barged into Amy's house.

"Zuko. Wait for a second! Are you the former East Bender that Grand Master Heretic mentioned?", Amy asked.

"Yep I am.", Zuko said.

"OMG, I am so fan of you. Grand Master said, "You're awesome but you vanished." but why did you vanish from the martial art world?", Amy asked.

"It's a long story.", Shawn answered.

"yeah, a long story of the villainous scheme. HUH?", I retorted.

"Look, Sonic. Let me explain!", Shawn said.

"Explain what? That I am worthless. Yeah, whatever.", I retorted.

"Sonic, what's the matter with you? You're being offensive today.", Amy talked back.

"Oh yeah, I am. I am tired of this whole thing. It seemed that he mattered to you more than me, right?", I said.

"What? No, but...", Amy said.

"But I am mean to him, right? I kicked him off and said he's a worthless pal but I'll tell you one thing, Amy. He's not the guy you thought he was.", I recklessly explained the fact. Great! Now, I am toast.

"That's enough, Sonic. Today, your attitude is totally unacceptable. Let's go, Shawn!", Amy said.

Great! Now, he's taking Amy too. What am I going to do now?

"Brokenhearted?", Shadow suddenly appeared. That's shocking. I wonder since when Shadow started a conversation. Last time he only started combat with me or even the whole team.

"No. It's just that Amy is in danger. I'm worried about her. Shawn, con her.", I lied as I face him. Not exactly, just a half-truth.

"Uh Huuhh.", Shadow drone, raising his brow in a way that implied he doesn't believe me

"Fine, I am.", I grumbled after I murmured a little.

"It's just that I feel like Amy doesn't love me anymore. She might as well leave me for him or worse going back to her first crush. What a nightmare?"

"Hmph, just as I thought.", Shadow melancholy implied.

"What's the matter?", I asked. Geez, why he's so fried up now? Don't say that he's in love with Amy? There's no way Shadow is gonna be lovey-dovey toward her. He's just too cold-hearted, self-centered, and aggressive to actually be in a love relationship with someone.

"It's none of your business", Shadow blushed. OWW... He's blushing. No, I shouldn't tease him. He would be really furious. Just get to the business!

"So, Shadow. Are you fine right now?", I expressed my concern. Yesterday, he seemed to be perpetuated. I didn't want to stir a riot.

"Hmph, I'm always fine.", Shadow was being Shadow again. It's obvious he's not fine. I just hope he would just swallow his pride a bit.

"Yeah, sure. Shadow.", I said.

"Anyway, how do you know I am brokenhearted?"

"I'm a skilled surveillance. You won't even notice I am here in the first place.", Shadow implied.

So he's here the whole time I was spying on Shawn today. Wow, that's just creepy. Okay, Sonic. Now, the most important thing is finding what's Shawn has been up to.

"Okay, Shadow. See you around. I gotta see Amy and Shawn for a bit.", I said.

"Not so fast, Sonic.", Shadow said.

"What is it?", I said impatiently.

"Gotta go fast. Gotta reach and beat Shawn or else Amy would be in danger."

"Why are you so impatient, Sonic?", Shadow said slyly.

"Do you think you can beat Shawn?"

"Of course. I am Sonic The Hedgehog, the fastest being alive. Even Rere and Clara admired me.", I confidently boast myself.

"Pfft. You won't even stand a quill against him.", Shadow deem me pathetic

"How can a panther stand a chance against elemental bender?"

*flashback

*LOL*

Oh, so he insults me. Hm, nevermind! I don't want to cause a scene. Try asking how to approach them, that's more like it.

"Then what should we do?", I asked.

"We? More like you. I don't care about her.", He blushed in embarrassment and backed away.

"Ok, so what's your suggestion?", I asked.

"Follow me!", Shadow instructed while holding my hand.

(Teleported)

Meh Burger

"Wait, what?", I mumbled. How is this possible? I thought Shawn was just gonna kill her or anything. It turned out they're eating at Meh Burger with my other gangs.

"But...but"

"Humph...What do you expect? If Shawn devises a murder plan too early, his plan to dominate the world and destroy all organic life forms will fail.", Shadow revealed his intention blatantly. Wow, Since when did shadow care about saving the world. I suggest he care neither to save nor to destroy the world. No! He must have another reason why he wants to get rid of Shawn. Shawn must have manipulated, enslaved, or controlled him. Otherwise, Shadow wouldn't hunt Shawn. Remember, he's neither hero nor villain though that doesn't mean he's to be taken lightly.

"I see. He took us as bait to fulfill his wicked ambition.", I said.

"Wicked? Define what is wicked! Saving the world is not my concern, Sonic. I just didn't like the face of him. He manipulated me to the point I lose someone special.", Shadow explained. I know it. Shadow doesn't help me to save the world or probably even care to be an extra member of Team Sonic. He pursues Shawn out of a grudge for losing his special someone. It's unfortunate. I wish he will be more open to friendship. Who knows someday he might be my pal just like Tails someday?

"Until next time, Sonic.", Shadow part away.

"Sonic.", Shawn calls and waves his hand.

"Uh, Hi.", I greet and takes a seat at Meh Burger.

"Are you going to order something?", Shawn asked.

"Oh yeah", I said without hesitation. Nah, why should I grumble and mumble against him? If I want to save my friends a lot of trouble, I must keep a poker face in the meantime.

And yeah, I immediately take an order in a zip. Uhm..., I longed for a chili dog a lot.

"One chili dog with fries"

(Several minutes later)

"One chili dog with fries", Dave the Intern repeats.

"Ugh, chili dog is my faves.", I complimented.

"You should try some. It will", I advised Shawn and give him an intense stare.

"Oh yeah. I will", Shawn stares his eye down. At the same time, I look at Amy to start a conversation but she gave a sour look and turned her face back.

"Amy..."

"Hmph", Amy huffed and closed her arms as well.

"Uh, guys.", Tails called. Oh, Tails. You don't know what happen between Amy, Shawn, and me.

"What a great couple", Sticks said sarcastically. How? How do you know?

"No, we're not...", I tried to explain but something urgent happens.

Not again. The whole village is surrounded by robots. It must be from Roboken. Where is Team Cyborg? The duplicate of us? We need you guys.

Ok, this is gonna be interesting. Remember Sonic Boom episode, "Robot from the Sky part 1-4". Yeah, the story will be similar to that only that there will be 3rd person in the game of robot war. What do you think Shawn is up to?

Anyway, Shadow had a soft spot toward Sonic right now. I hope he will get along well with the whole team soon but right now, this is good. Unfortunately, Amy and Sonic's relationship worsen due to a misunderstanding.

[redhoodieone]

Smile! You’re on Camera!

A/N: Yeah…another smut. Hope it doesn’t disappoint lol.

Warnings: Smut, language…the usual.

@randomdcfangirl

Hope you like it! 

I’m supposed to be asleep. After working eight hours today, I should have fallen asleep once my back hit the mattress, but no...after my warm shower, I find myself logging on Tim’s new and improved similar Facebook social media, BatFamBook.

 It’s become addicting almost. Most of the Justice Leaguers use it, as well as the Teen Titans and even Doom Patrol. Many people post selfies, post things about their relationships, and even communicate with others they don’t see often.

But the Batfamily abuses the social media playground Tim created. The boys have been nonstop on there, which goes to show they love the attention so much.

Speaking of the Batfamily, I had quickly called Batman and played sick. Usually Y/S/N fights alongside the Batfamily, but tonight all I want to do is lie in bed and check up on other members on BatFamBook.

 An incoming call on my laptop catches my attention. Tim’s newest creation of webcam, EyeWatcher, was downloaded on my laptop to communicate with the family. I click the green button and immediately, Jason appears on my screen. He’s lying down on his bed, head propped up on a couple of pillows, wearing a white tank top and dark boxers.

My eyes notice how he’s grinning at the camera, and his hair is messy but appears combed back as if he’s ran his hair through it a million times.

“Hey...doll,” Jason says seductively before he raises his eyebrow. “Am I interrupting something?”

 “Hey Jay, uh...no. I’m just on BatFamBook,” I say. I lean on my arm, so I’m lying down facing the computer screen.

 “I don’t know...you seem distracted...” Jason trails off, before he pauses and licks his lips. “No bra? Kinky.”

 I roll my eyes and glare at him. “It’s almost bedtime, and I don’t sleep in my bra. It’s uncomfortable as fuck.”

 “Is that so? Your nipples are so hard. Is it cold in there, or are you just happy to see me?”

 I gasp loudly. Sitting up, I quickly use my pillow to cover my chest while setting the laptop on the pillow so we can still look at each other. I guess my white tank top is thin enough to show my breasts. “Very funny, Jason,” I complain. He’s chuckling, and I can feel my face heat up. I’m so embarrassed. “Okay, you got your laugh for the night. I’m gonna get ready to go to sleep.”

“Wait! I’m sorry, okay? I wasn’t laughing at you. You’re just...you’re just so cute when you’re easily embarrassed about the sexy little things you do. I don’t know why, but doll...you don’t ever have to be embarrassed about doing things like that...you’re so fucking sexy...” Jason says softly, before his light blue eyes stay on mine. “Fuck, I wish I were there right now.”

“Shouldn’t you be out on patrol, Jay? Are you pretending to be sick or what?” I tease.

 “Yeah, I’m sick alright. But don’t change the subject. Are you alone right now?”

 “Yes, I live alone and no one else is here.”

 Jason’s arm behind his head stretches outward, and I can see him flexing his biceps. His tank top is bunched up, and I can see his hard stomach, abs, and mouthwatering pectorals.

 “Fuck doll. Put that pillow down. Let me take a good look at your beautiful body,” Jason breathes out hard.

 “Beautiful? I don’t think I am, Jason. And come on, we’re just friends, and I seriously doubt this is a good idea,” I insist impatiently.

 Jason’s moves a large hand down his stomach until he reaches into his boxers. He groans, and I can feel myself become wetter with just hearing his weak noise.

 “Are you fucking kidding me, doll? You’re so fucking beautiful. I don’t think it’s fair how I have to keep my hands and thoughts to myself when you affect me so much,” Jason chokes out as I hear him stroking his cock; the sound of his fist jerking himself off makes me stare at the screen in amazement. “Fuck Bruce’s fucking rule. Doll, I have to tell you the truth. I-I have always liked you a lot, and-fuck-I need you more than anything.”

 I can’t deny my arousal. My hands release the pillow, and I lie back into the bed with the laptop propped up on my thighs. Jason can clearly see my breasts are on display; the see-through top can now reveal my hard nipples.

 Jason watches me with his mouth open, and he’s breathing harder than before.

 “Touch yourself, doll. Fuck I wanna hear you,” Jason rasps out.

 I bravely lower my tank top to show him my breasts. Just hearing Jason moan at the sight of my tits awakens something inside me. I smile at the camera. “You like what you see, Jaybird?” I ask softly.

 “S-stop teasing me, Y/N. Fuck...touch yourself.”

 Jason sets his laptop on his desk to where I can see him perfectly. He quickly removes his tank top and boxers, and he ends up kneeling so he can look into the camera, while he holds his thick hard cock so I can watch him jack off.

 His cock is thicker and bigger than what I’ve fantasized about. Just staring at his delicious, creamy precum at the tip makes me want to lick it up. The way his fingers tightly rub his veiny shaft makes me wish I were holding his dick.

 And I know what I would do with it.

 Suck it.

 Stroke it.

 Fuck it.

 Fine.

 Two can play at that game.

 I sit up straighter to remove my top. Then I slip off my panties, and I move the laptop in between my legs; so, he can have the perfect view of my pussy and tits.

 “Oh fuck...” Jason whispers at the sight before him.

 I can feel my pussy glisten from my juices. With one deep breath, my hand runs down my breast and pinches my nipple, until it slips farther down until my fingers rub along my pussy. Just the sensitive touch to my labia and clit makes me moan for Jason.

 Jason clenches his jaw and jacks himself off as I push in two fingers inside me.

 “Oh shit! Fuck baby girl, that’s so hot! I wish I was doing that to you right now,” Jason whines.

 My thumb rubs my clit, as I continue to push two fingers in at the same time. But I want Jason’s hard cock inside me; not my fingers.

 This is so fucking unfair!

 I lie my head back. “I know. I want your big, hard cock inside of me,” I breathe out.

 “Look at the camera, baby,” Jason demands.

 I force my eyes open, and we watch each other get off. Jason’s jaw slackens, and he’s stroking his cock a lot faster and harder.

 I need to cum with him. Curling my fingers to massage my sensitive wall, I bite my bottom lip as my thumb brushes against my clit rapidly.

 I’m going to come undone. And with Jason watching me, I know my orgasm will be more powerful and hard.

 “You gonna cum for me?” Jason pants harder.

 “Y-yeah…” I answer roughly.

 “Good. Cum for me. Scream my name. Show me how much you wish it were me fucking you with my cock,” Jason instructs seriously.

 “I-I really wish you were fucking me, Jay,” I confess. I mentally slap myself. How pathetic am I to admit my deepest secret to Jason?

 Jason’s breathing is more violent than before. “Doll, I-I so badly fucking wish that, too. Fuck…if I were there, I’d be making - fuck – I would make you cum over and over again. You would want me as just much as I want you,” Jason admits unrestrained.

 The orgasm has me whimpering. I force my eyes to stay on his, while I soak my fingers with my cum. I scream Jason’s name, and I know it’s going to bring Jason to cum quickly as well. The way I clench around my finger helps me prolong my orgasm.

 Watching Jason’s intense eyes shows me he’s going to cum. He moans my name and swears a lot. Jerking his cock with a few more strokes, he bites his bottom lip hard and cums all over his stomach.

 It takes a good minute before we manage to calm down our hard breathing. I quickly reach over to my nightstand for a tissue and clean myself up. Feeling a little too exposed, I cover my body with my pillow while Jason cleans his cum off with his tank top.

 “I gotta admit, that was fucking hot Y/N,” Jason admits weakly.

 “It was...” I trail off unsure.

 “Why do I feel like you’re still not satisfied?” he questions.

 It’s now or never. As Jason moves back to his bed to sit, I quickly remove the pillow so he can see my breasts again.

 When he looks back at the camera, Jason seems surprised and raises an eyebrow.

 “Actually, masturbating is just a warmup for me. I guess you can say I’m now...ready for the big game. Maybe if you’re up to play with me for real, you can come over and show me how you play your game,” I invite him, smirking.

 “I’m on my way!” Jason growls. He jumps from his bed and pulls his pants on. As he puts his shirt on, he’s about to turn off our webcam fun until I stop him.

 “Oh, and Jason?” I ask innocently.

 “Yeah doll?”

 “Smile! You’re on camera!”

 I quickly snap a picture of Jason’s surprised yet horny face on my computer. Payback from him laughing at me earlier, but knowing Jason, our fun is far from over.

 Jason chuckles and grins at me. “You just wait, doll. Because when I get there, I’ll show you how I play the big game, and I won’t go easy on you either baby girl,” Jason threatens playfully.

 “Oh, I know, Jay. I expect to learn from you, and please...do not go easy on me!”

[classified-bluerose]

put me back together part III - quentin beck x reader

chapter 3: devoted to destruction

a/n: title from ‘’sucker for pain’’ by lil wayne, feat. B.O.B, wiz khalifa, logic, imagine dragons & x ambassadors. (😅)

warnings: manipulative quentin, brief & vague description of a panic attack, canon-typical violence, suggestive content toward the end but not really nsfw.

a/n 2: i’m rlly not sure how i feel about this lol but here you go!!!

(GIF is not mine)

—

—

it’s all going so well. as he prepares to ‘’sacrifice’’ himself in order to save the world from the final elemental, he hears your voice screaming his name. behind the fishbowl helmet that obscures his face, he smiles. you sound terrified, heartbroken, devastated. you think you’re going to lose him, and a surge of pride flows through his veins as he realises your feelings for him are real.

don’t worry, honey, he thinks to himself, you’re not going to lose me.

both you and parker rush to his side once the monster has disappeared; you drop to your knees and put your hand on his cheek. he groans and leans into it, hears the shuddering relief in your breathing as his eyes blink open. the first thing he sees is your face, covered in smoke and bruises.

as parker helps him to his feet, you punch him, hard, in the arm.

‘’ hey! ‘’

you are furious. a fire dancing in your eyes, mesmerising in it’s heat. ‘’ you idiot! you idiot - why would you do that? are you trying to get yourself killed?! ‘’

quentin takes your shoulders in his hands and squeezes firmly, but soothingly. offering a crooked, weary smile. ‘’ it’s okay, ‘’ he soothes, ‘’ it’s okay. it’s over, it’s okay. ‘’

your jaw clenches and you nod once before pulling away from him in irritation. he understands; once the immediate aftermath has worn off he knows you’ll cool down. this anger is nothing more than passion and care.

fury shakes quentin’s hand and offers him a job - quentin plays along, impatient now, wanting to have that moment with you when you’d give in to the relief and rush into his arms. the moment he knew was going to be worth waiting for.

—

at the base, again, you’re the last two left. he meets your gaze and smiles. ‘’ still mad at me? ‘’ he questions, softly. you roll your eyes, but it’s fonder. you cross the floor and push at his torso, nudging him into a chair.

he looks up at you, a question in the rise of his eyebrows. ‘’ you look like shit, ‘’ you tell him, blunt, ‘’ i’ll get some water. clean yourself up. ‘’

you bustle around the place and return with a bowl of hot water and a cloth. you move as though to hand it to him, then change your mind and dip it into the steaming liquid. wringing it out, you lift it to his face and push back the stray hairs from his forehead. carefully and intimately sponging off the dirt and blood.

quentin relaxes against the chair; his eyes fluttering shut. heart skipping a beat at the intimacy of your actions. silence holds steady, interrupted only by the steady hum of machinery. he only opens his eyes when you start to tug at the heavy armour. with your help he removes it, leaving him in his undersuit. you lean back, then let your hands press lightly to his ribs and belly.

‘’ this hurt? ‘’

quentin shakes his head. watching you, your expression open and warm. your eyes meet his and red blooms on your cheeks.

‘’ what? ‘’ you ask, self-conscious.

quentin smiles. ‘’ you’re beautiful. ‘’

he’s not expecting you to laugh at that, but you do. head ducking away as you attempt to conceal the smile that grows on your lips. it’s the smile you keep hiding from him. the one that betrays too much emotion, the one that makes him feel weightless.

‘’ you are, ‘’ he insists, his fingers brushing the soft skin of your face as he tries to tilt it back to him. you pull away, not fast enough for him to miss the way your breath hitches.

‘’ shut up, ‘’ you mutter, playing with the damp cloth. you reach up again to wipe some dirt off the tip of his nose. his hand comes to touch your wrist. everything slows down, this moment, suspended in time.

quentin tilts his head, curiousity colouring in his endless blue eyes. pale lips part, posing a question.

‘’ can i see? ‘’

you frown. ‘’ see what? ‘’

‘’ your powers. ‘’

you draw away again, face dropping. shoulders slumping, as you shrug. ‘’ i - i don’t know if i can, ‘’ you admit, ‘’ after thanos, i - they’re not working the way they used to. ‘’

quentin leans in and takes your hands in his. ‘’ try, ‘’ he implores, pleading with his eyes. it’s bloody impossible to deny his request, there is no resolve when it comes to him. it’s scary, you’ve never fallen this hard this fast.

you disentangle your hands from his and nod. taking some deep breaths to anchor yourself. you focus on drawing the energy from the air, the heat under your skin simmering.

quentin savours the moment. this picture you paint so beautifully in front of him. lashes brushing your cheeks, chest rising and falling evenly. hands laying palms up on your knees, a muscle in your jaw twitching from effort.

quentin’s eyes only move from your face when a tiny spark ignites between your palms. your eyes fly open, staring down at the flickering flame. as you focus again your hands shape a ball, then a star, then a dancing figure. you look incredibly pleased with yourself, a little pale, but pleased.

as it dissipates into smoke you fall back and grin, tired. quentin shakes his head, face full of wonder. ‘’ wow, ‘’ he breathes out. ‘’ you are incredible. ‘’

‘’ that was nothin’ - when, or if, they ever come back. i’ll show you proper. ‘’

‘’ they’ll come back, ‘’ he tells you, so assured and confident it’s easy to believe.

you sigh and stand up, moving away with the now dirty water. ‘’ it’s late, ‘’ you call over your shoulder, hoping your trembling hands aren’t noticable. he’s too intoxicating. too inviting. any longer alone with him and you might just tip over the edge completely. you hear him moving behind you. feel his presence coming closer. ‘’ you should probably get some rest... ‘’

you wince as your voice shakes and you turn around, his closeness unexpected. he’s looking at you with such a tenderness it almost hurts to see.

‘’ let me walk you home. ‘’ he offers, and you want to let him, want to bring him home too. he thinks he has you where he wants you. but he‘s almost forgotten about the story he told about the other you.

he only remembers when you start to freak out.

‘’ no. no, um. i’m tired, i’m tired and - i’m not her. i’m not her. ‘’

he panics. ‘’ i know, no, wait - ‘’

but you’re spiralling now and it’s too late to stop it. ‘’ i am not her and - and i understand it must be frustrating, okay, i get that, because i look like her, i sound like her - ‘’

‘’ you don’t, ‘’ he tells you, desperately, ‘’ you’re so different, in little ways and big ways, i swear - ‘’

‘’ i gotta go. i have to - this is, ah, this is too much, too soon, and i can’t. i’m sorry. i’m sorry, i just can’t. ‘’

and with that breathless statement you practically sprint out of the base. leaving quentin, stunned, disappointed. and worried.

—

he follows you. partly because he’s afraid that this will mess up his plans. partly because he’s afraid for you. to leave you wandering the streets of prague at night in this state, quentin can’t bear to think about what might happen.

‘’ honey, please, trust me, i- ‘’ his thumbs sweep gentle strokes across your cheekbones, pulling you close to rest his forehead against yours. ‘’ this isn’t me trying to replace her with you, i promise. ‘’

he traces the line of tears down your face. wiping them away with the pad of his thumb. ‘’ quen... ‘’

warmth fills up his chest at the nickname. come on, he urges inwardly, let me in, let me in.

‘’ i’m right here. i’m here, with you. i’m not going anywhere. ‘’

the kiss is their undoing. it begins as a soft press of lips, tentative and cautious. a first meeting, souls edging around and getting to know one another.

it’s you, who bites down softly on quentin’s lower lip, invoking a breathy moan as you part. he stares down at you, wide-eyed and awed. the edges of his mouth curl up into a smug, satisfied smirk - he surges forward then and drags you in, mouth possessing yours, tongue delving in and breath mingling as his arms wind around your waist and hold you against his chest. in a grip as tight as iron, as solid as vibranium.

quentin doesn’t just kiss you - he consumes you. hands coming to touch and caress and feel and grasp, wherever they can reach. each brush of fingertips ignite a white-hot heat on your skin, as he bruises and bites and pushes - you give back as good as you get, full up with feelings of desire, need, want.

this place is too exposed, this air too cold. you drag yourself away with great difficulty, quentin lets out a sound akin to a snarl at the loss of contact. for a moment words desert you, as you notice quentin’s expression. hungry. dark. desperate. blue eyes now almost wholly black, lips swollen, bruised, and parted slightly. you shake yourself out of the daze he keeps drawing you into, meeting his gaze with determination.

‘’ come back to my hotel room. ‘’

that smirk again - so sharp, so deadly. so attractive. his hands find yours as you hurry off into the night.

—

tag list: @loki-doki-fever @djjffkd @kellzogg @bucky4cap45 @tuliptx @evee550

[kaibacorpintern]

@emblematik requested “yuugi + datebook” and i was like “hm interesting” and then a few minutes later i was like “oh shit... IDEA.” 

no joke: i wrote 90% of this on my phone. i just checked the word count and it’s 2000 words. lol. casual rivalshipping, but it’s not about that. post-DM. enjoy the feels x

MONDAY, 8:26 AM

Yuugi sat cross-legged in the soft, shallow cradle of his bed, half-asleep, phone in his hands. Anzu was on the other end of the video call, wandering through the New York apartment she shared with four other girls.

“ -- so they come bursting out of the egg, and that's just how the show starts. It gets loonier from there. But it means every week, she has to make another big-ass papier-mâché egg for her guest performer, and this week, that’s me. Hey Tiff, love the space buns,” Anzu said, turning to someone out-of-sight, and Yuugi heard a voice call back, in a cheerful sing-song, thaaank youuu!

“So you're helping her make the egg?” Yuugi said.

“Yeah, she calls it 'laying the egg.’ Performance artists are so weird,” she said, as Yuugi grinned with delight. “Anyway, gotta run. Can you do next Sunday?”

“Let me see,” Yuugi said, leaning over to swipe his weathered datebook off his night stand, the pages dogeared with almost a year's worth of use. A blank datebook he'd filled out from June to June with every notable hour of his life, using a pen he kept tucked in the binding. He'd spilled water on it a few months ago and the pages had crinkled as they dried. Now it refused to sit flat, with gaps that rippled between the pages.

He held the phone in one hand and flipped clumsily through the datebook with the other, spreading it open on his thigh. After that Sunday, there was one blank week left in the datebook. “Nope, I'm booked. Let's just do Monday again.”

“Works for me,” Anzu said. “Love ya! Bye!”

“Love you too, have fun laying your egg,” Yuugi said, and she flashed him an exasperated grin. The screen went black, and a dreamy silence descended on Yuugi’s bedroom once more. Yuugi flopped back down into bed with a contented sigh, tossing the phone onto the nightstand. He held the datebook over his head, his week carefully penned in. Class, his shifts at the game shop, and on Tuesday, he was seeing…

TUESDAY, 6:37 PM

“Fuck,” Jounouchi said, staring in bafflement at the cards lying face up on the playmat between them. They sat at a long, wooden table on the airy patio of a cafe, with vines flowing thick along the walls, the cards illuminated in the soft, inviting light of the lanterns strung across the space. “How did you win? When did you win?”

“A few turns ago,” Yuugi confessed, idly churning the ice of his Italian soda with his straw. “But you had me on the ropes for a while there. If you played your Time Wizard combo a turn earlier, I would've lost.”

“Damnit! I knew it,” Jounouchi said, thumping his fist firmly on the table. “I keep forcing myself to wait. I just don't wanna blow it again, like Nationals.”

“I think your nerves are making you doubt yourself,” Yuugi said. “Your instincts are strong. Just listen to them, and you'll do fine.”

Jounouchi, gathering up his cards from the playmat, glanced up at him, the lantern light giving his faint blush a rosy glow.

“See, how the heck am I supposed to attack you when you say things like that?” he said. “Maybe I should get a practice duel with someone who actually pisses me off. Hey, ask your pal if he'll duel me.”

“My pal? Is that what he is?” Yuugi said, lifting an eyebrow as he reached for his phone; then he changed course, tucking his hand into the messenger bag at his feet and ferreting out his datebook. He checked the date. “I'm seeing him tomorrow, actually. I'll just ask.”

“Perfect. How's your Sunday looking? Honda said he’ll have my Duel Disk fixed by then.”

“I have plans already,” Yuugi said, dropping the datebook back into his bag and leaning back in his chair.

“Oh, okay, Mr. Popular. Don't forget I leave for the tournament Friday after next. That's in your book, right?” Jou said, and Yuugi hummed in reply. Mm-hmm. Then Jou leaned forward, resting both elbows on the table and his chin atop his hands, fixing Yuugi with a roguish look. “Who is Kaiba, if not your pal?”

Now Yuugi couldn't help but blush, his skin warmer than the summer air. “Uh, he's…”

WEDNESDAY, 9:57 PM

Sitting next to Yuugi on the couch, one bent leg tucked underneath him and one arm slung over the back. Studying the screen of Yuugi's laptop as Yuugi scrolled through the lines of code he'd abandoned, several days earlier, at dawn, surrendering to the frustration of a long and fruitless all-nighter. Lucky for him, Kaiba liked nothing so much as telling people they were wrong, why they were wrong, and how to stop being wrong.

Kaiba leaned closer, frowning intently, his force of presence buffeting Yuugi like a wave. A good wave, dense and heady, fragrant with his cologne. He had many, many things to say about object-oriented programming, all of which Yuugi had listened to very carefully, and none of which he'd actually heard.

“I found your problem,” Kaiba declared.

“Thank God, this assignment is driving me nuts,” Yuugi said, sighing with relief. “What is it?”

In response, Kaiba reached out and shut the laptop with a firm whap. “You’re distracted.”

“I am not,” Yuugi said.

“Tell me what I just said about using global variables.”

Yuugi bit his lip, scrambling through the last five, ten, fifteen minutes for whatever Kaiba had said about global variables, and found… nothing, except a keen awareness of the way Kaiba was staring at him now, leaning his cheek against his loosely curled hand, a wry smile tugging on his lips. 

“Uh,” Yuugi said after a moment, realizing he’d fallen neatly into the usual trap. “Don't?”

Kaiba snorted. “When is this due?”

Yuugi leaned forward, momentarily escaping the weightless swell of feeling in his chest, and plucked his datebook off the coffee table from where it lay beside his textbooks. “In a week.”

“Alright. I have a few hours on Sunday or Tuesday. When would you like to waste my time next?” Kaiba said, with a sort of laid-back disdain.

“I think I’ll squander your Tuesday,” Yuugi said, tugging the pen free, scribbling a note. He set both laptop and datebook on the coffee table and settled back, deeply, breathlessly aware of Kaiba's gaze on him, tracing lines of fire up and down his body.

“So,” Kaiba said, a low, teasing growl, his mouth inches from Yuugi's ear. “What is so distracting to you?”

“Nothing,” Yuugi said, smiling, about to vibrate out of himself with impatience. “You have my full attention.”

“Good,” Kaiba said, and the next thing Yuugi knew he was swept up in a dark rush of warmth, Kaiba pressing a kiss like a hot, wet star to the curve of his neck. He fumbled blindly with one arm, catching Kaiba by the back of his head, pulling him down as he twisted and fell backwards along the couch.

He huffed, a wordless plea for mercy, as Kaiba mouthed along the shell of his ear, making scandalous suggestions with his tongue, clearly enjoying himself.

“Problem solved,” he said smugly, and Yuugi groaned, laughing.

FRIDAY, 4:13 PM

A gentle chime broke through the cool, quiet air of the game shop. Yuugi, wandering the shelves with his scanner, conducting inventory, pulled his phone out of his back pocket.

RYOU: finished writing my new campaign!! want in?

YUUGI: duh

what days are u thinking?

RYOU: sundays? that's when everyone else is free

YUUGI: i can do sundays, but not this sunday

RYOU: not a problem. we can start next week. any plans?

The question turned over in his chest like a stone, a tremendous weight, heavy and slow and dull. Yuugi stood motionless, staring down at his phone, the scanner dangling in his limp hand and the silence of the store falling over him like a shroud.

But he shook it off. Ryou had given him the idea.

YUUGI: I’m going to the park with my datebook, you know the one

RYOU: oh

please send him my best

YUUGI: i will!

is this the space campaign you were telling me about?

Pulling out of the subject like pulling a boot out of the mud, with staggering release. Yuugi resumed his task of taking inventory, stopping every so often to answer Ryou's excited texts about Eldritch horrors and homebrew campaigns.

That night, he lay in bed and discovered the stone was still there, cradled in his straining ribs. So he opened the skylight in his bedroom, inviting the summer night to flow in. It sprawled open above him, hot and dark and flecked with stars, vibrating with the hum of cicadas hidden in the trees. The summer spinning its promise into a refrain. Every new day, each blank page of his datebook, beckoning him forward.

SUNDAY, 11:00 AM

Yuugi awoke to a bright, beautiful June morning, sliding his feet into the secret pockets of cool still tucked away between the sheets. The skylight in his room revealed a clear, hot sky.

He flew through the rest of the morning, as light and taut as a kite, unburdened by exhaustion or idleness. On a whim, he opened his laptop, giving a quick eye to his assignment; Kaiba wouldn't bring up global variables for no reason… and the solution presented itself, like a closed fist turning over to reveal the prize in its palm.

He didn’t cancel on Kaiba. They’d waste time some other way.

Buoyant, he left the house, with his datebook and a lighter in his bag. There were two stops to make before the park: first, a cafe, for an iced coffee, and second, the neighborhood bookstore, where he bought a brand-new blank datebook.

Then he began the long, pleasant walk down to the park, his phone on silent. The whole of Domino was cast in a drowsy summer light so smooth and liquid he wanted to cup it in his hands and drink it, to feel it run sweet and pure through his veins. Neither his mind nor his route wandered from their destination: the plank bridge in the park.

It sat in an isolated corner of the park, a leafy, overgrown grotto dappled with sunlight. The long pond slowed to a mirrored stillness here, cooled by the shade of the trees. Insects hummed in the foliage. As Yuugi stepped onto the plank bridge, the hollow thunk of his foot sent some small, shy creature plunging for safety into the water, leaving only ripples behind.

He knelt on the plank bridge and opened the old datebook, taking a moment to transfer the last remains of his schedule into the first week of the new datebook. His class schedule, his work schedule, his weekly call with Anzu, Joe's tournament dates, the new campaign. All of it carefully penned in.

Then he leaned over the edge of the plank bridge, seeing his reflection on the surface of the water. It was harder with mirrors: they were too crisp, too defined. They showed him nothing but his own face. But if he unfocused his eyes a bit, if he took a deep breath and snapped the last piece into place and made a wish, the face on the water wavered. Just enough to believe.

“I miss you,” he said, to the water. “I miss you every day. I still feel you… gone, here.”

He made a fist, motioning to the center of his chest. An absence with weight; a nothing and a something all at the same time. The kind of puzzle Atem would love.

There was nothing else to add. He’d said most of it already, last year and the year before. They would see each other again, some day, and he had long since understood that he was not meant to wait and he was not meant to run. He was meant to stay right here, in the heart of his own life, and feel it beating.

Yuugi readjusted, sitting cross-legged on the bridge. He flipped through the datebook, going backwards to the beginning. The memories burst open inside him, as raw and fresh as a ripe fruit, swollen with color and feeling. Deadlines for that art history class. Flying out for Anzu’s solo show in December. His first date with Kaiba, sometime in March, although neither of them realized it was a date until the morning after. CHAMPIONSHIP!!, on a weekend in September, when Jou had swept the Pan-Pacific. The pages were as crisp and dry as autumn leaves; they'd burn well.

He turned to the first page.

“Here’s what you missed,” Yuugi said, and began to read.

[punkscowardschampions]

Drew & Ro

Drew: [lunch time 'cos Ro is too good and busy swotting to text in lessons and we all know it] Drew: Hey my love, how's your day going? 💘 Ro: Fine, thank you Drew: Well Drew: clearly not Drew: what's wrong? 😔 Ro: Hm, I wonder Drew: Try talking to me about it Drew: come on Ro: Oh so now you'd like to talk Ro: Interesting Drew: I always want to talk to you Drew: don't be silly Ro: Do not call me silly Drew: I'm not but I don't understand why you're being so agressive with me right now Ro: Well, I don't understand why you think it's perfectly acceptable to spend the weekend at Carly's, without so much as checking in with me at any point, and expect me not to have a negative reaction to that Drew: Well, I know you had ample invite to attend too, almost as well as I know and knew you wouldn't want to come Drew: not to mention it was your sister's birthday Drew: one of us had to show face there, no? Ro: So it's my fault? Okay Drew: I'm not trying to place blame Drew: I'm just asking, why are you mad Ro: Either you or I could have been dead in a ditch, why do you not care? Drew: That's a little dramatic, babe Drew: I care about you but I knew you were at home Drew: why would I be worried Ro: And I knew exactly where you were so why wouldn't I be worried? Drew: Babe Drew: You're so sweet but you don't need to worry about me ever Drew: I can take care of myself Ro: Please do not babe me or misunderstand me right now Drew: What's the problem? Ro: If you want to behave as though you are single, be single Ro: It's not a problem Drew: What are you talking about Drew: because we're dating, I'm not allowed to go out? Drew: I'm sure you don't mean it that way but that sounds so controlling Ro: Of course you're allowed to go out, Drew Ro: I'm simply trying to ascertain why you want to go there so badly Ro: Or I would be if it wasn't obvious Drew: Want didn't come into it, particularly Drew: sure, it was fine, standard party Drew: as I said, one of us had to, you know she doesn't have many friends Ro: She had Ali and Caleb Drew: Yeah, would you want to be left out of things? Drew: We're all friends Ro: I'm aware of how easily she makes friends Drew: That's something you'll have to sort between yourselves Drew: I'm not interested in a catfight Drew: I barely spoke to her, if that makes you feel any better Ro: If it's true, it does Drew: of course I didn't Drew: she was off her head, that kept her plenty busy Drew: ask Caleb or Ali if you really don't believe me Drew: but that hurts, not gonna lie Ro: Less than a moment ago you were trying to explain to me that you two are best friends and she desperately needed you there as a guest so forgive me if I'm now slightly unsure of you saying that you barely saw or spoke to her Ro: I do know what she's like though Ro: Which is why I had no desire to attend Drew: I did not say that Drew: it's about showing up Drew: and I had no desire to force you Ro: Showing up for her Drew: What good would me showing up on Saturday have done Drew: your sister doesn't like me Drew: Ali's mum, either Ro: I like you Drew: Do you? Ro: I wouldn't feel jealous if I didn't Drew: Jealous? Of her? Drew: You're so funny Drew: she's nothing in comparison to you, please Ro: It's not funny in the least if you'd rather spend time with her instead of me Drew: of course I wouldn't Drew: it's Drew: your family Drew: I'm just not comfortable around them Ro: I know Ro: And I am sorry for that, for them Drew: I know, it isn't your fault Drew: I'm not blaming you Drew: can't you come here after school Drew: I miss you Ro: Do you miss me enough for me to cancel on all the piano lessons I'm supposed to give? Drew: Definitely Ro: I shouldn't, Tess is in a really bad mood, but of course I want to Drew: All the more reason to come see me Drew: let Ali deal, it's because of her, not you Ro: I doubt very much she'll be here herself but yes, you do make a persuasive point Ro: Are you going to feel better by then? Drew: True Drew: depends how well she's feeling, and Caleb Drew: I'm fine, I told you Drew: as long as we are? Ro: You did tell me that but I'd like you to be better than fine, because I've missed you too Drew: then come Ro: Okay Ro: Forgive me so I can forgive you Drew: I forgive you Drew: it's cute, really Ro: You're really cute and forgiven Drew: 😊 Drew: I like you too, you know Ro: Do you? Drew: Yes Drew: I'll show you Ro: I wish you had decided to come to school and could therefore be here with me now Drew: I'm sorry 😔 Drew: even trying to half keep up with everyone meant I was a little worse for wear Drew: but I'm surviving Ro: What can I bring you so you feel better, other than myself? Drew: 😏 Drew: you're so nice Ro: I can respect any ceasefire that's called, and anyway, I don't actually enjoy being anything other than nice to you, deserved or otherwise Ro: I'll be less and less nice if you keep me waiting on an answer to my question though Ro: I feel very impatient all of a sudden Drew: Awh come on, babe Drew: you've gotta be nice, you know I deserve that Ro: Hm Ro: For liking and missing me, don't I deserve that? Drew: You know what I want Drew: you're smart Ro: Not that it would take a genius Ro: I want the same things, you know Drew: Yeah? Drew: You could always show me Ro: Once you've shown me how much you like me, as you've already agreed to do, it'd be so unforgivable of me not to at least attempt to do the same, wouldn't it? Drew: [an array of lovely pictures 'cos he's so vain as we know lol, you asked for this Rosaline] Ro: I hope making me speechless is what you also want because Drew: unless you're planning to do a video for me, like Drew: it's definitely a bonus Ro: I'm at school not the relative privacy of my own home, remember, I can't make any such plans Drew: Worth a shot 😉 Ro: Are you trying to get me expelled? Drew: Maybe Drew: you know you'd rather be with me right now Ro: You know I would is what you mean Drew: Details, details, babe Drew: your record is far too spotless for that Drew: you'd barely get in trouble, I bet Drew: and that's only if you got caught, anyway Ro: Details are very important Ro: You shouldn't be so quick to dismiss them Drew: I won't Drew: when you send your pictures I'll study them very, very carefully Ro: When I send them I'll make sure you'll want to Ro: My record is spotless because I am a perfectionist Drew: you're so hot Ro: Hotter than her? Drew: of course Drew: hotter than any girl at our school Ro: That's actually impossible Ro: Ali goes to our school, when she can be bothered Drew: so? Drew: you're hotter than her Ro: No, I'm not Drew: you are to me Ro: I don't know what to say Drew: you're my girlfriend for a reason Ro: Yes, but I suppose I don't always understand what that reason is Drew: well I know it so you don't need to worry about that Ro: I'll try, which as you know means I'll succeed eventually Drew: 💘 Ro: Lunch is almost over, not to be the bearer of bad news Drew: am I getting my pictures Ro: That's actually impossible as well Ro: How can I? Drew: come on, all you need is a second in the bathroom stall Ro: Oh god no, the lighting in there is awful! You'd leave me immediately after they were received Drew: I promise you, no boy gives a shit about lighting Ro: I'm taking no such chances, thank you Ro: Besides you're not just any boy, you're you and I'll be worth the wait as I said, because I'm me Drew: 😒 Ro: Drew Ro: Believe me Drew: Whatever Drew: have a nice afternoon Ro: I obviously won't if you're annoyed with me Drew: just Drew: how can I believe you? Drew: this isn't the first time, is it Ro: I'll keep apologising if you wish but I'm well aware that isn't what you really want Ro: Nevertheless, irrespective of this being the first time or not, I don't have a speech prepared ready and waiting to put all your misgivings to rest Drew: Don't Drew: just don't say it if you aren't gonna do it Ro: Don't speak to me like that Ro: Like I'm sitting here, planning this Drew: Like what Drew: it's what happened, I've not been rude about it Ro: And I'm grateful for that, okay? You've been so good to me about everything Ro: I did mean what I said though, I do want everything you want Drew: Whenever you're ready then Ro: Do you still want to see me later or should I not cancel piano? Drew: you decide Drew: see how serious you are Ro: There's no decision to be made, of course I want to see you, it's been days Ro: I've been thinking about you constantly in all of that time Drew: I missed you too Ro: I'll come over now if it'll help restore your faith in me Drew: Serious? Ro: I'm hardly known for my sense of humour, am I? Ro: You're important to me, I want you to know that and if you truly don't, well Ro: I'll have to take steps, starting now Drew: You're really special Drew: you know that? Drew: too nice to me Ro: All of that is as true about you and could easily be directed at me Ro: I really do know how special you are and I'm going to lose you just because I Ro: Well, for starters because I don't know how to finish that sentence Ro: *not Drew: You won't Drew: it's okay, I like you, remember Ro: But is it okay if I more than like you? Drew: I'm not going to complain Ro: Please don't because I'm leaving school right now and it would honestly be so awkward Drew: 😂 Drew: I promise Ro: Fine, I believe you and I'll keep walking towards rather than away from you then Drew: Good, please do Ro: You know I have no choice but to meet your politeness with my own Drew: You don't need to be polite when you get here Drew: it's just me and you Ro: However you want me to behave when I get there, that's of course what I need to do Drew: Babe Ro: Sorry, that was a lot of enthusiasm on my part, I can also do aloof and hard to get if you'd rather that during the longest bus ride in history Drew: Enthusiasm is good Drew: I like it Ro: Mentally noted Ro: What else do you like? Drew: That's a big question Ro: Oh. Well, it doesn't have to be Drew: like you said, doesn't take a genius Drew: you know Ro: I want it to be perfect though Ro: Not just for me but for you Drew: I can make that happen\ Drew: trust me Ro: I have so much faith in you Drew: I'm not gonna let you down Ro: I might let you down, I already have Drew: Impossible Ro: It's certainly a lot more plausible than the two of us falling for each other the way we have but there's no denying it happened or how real my feelings for you are Drew: 💘 Ro: I'm doing our homework, yes mine AND yours which I dutifully collected from morning lessons so that we don't have to waste any more time once I finally arrive Ro: Everything indeed does happen for a reason including how far away you live from all other marks of civilisation Drew: And you question why we're together Drew: you're the best Drew: don't need to tell me that though, it's the worst Drew: all the biking I do means I can skip leg day though so that's something Ro: Next time I'll definitely follow suit and bring my bike, not that I intend on making a habit out of taking the bus at this particular time of day Ro: But it would undoubtedly be more productive, homework assignments notwithstanding Drew: Shame 😜 Ro: Are you determined to be such a bad influence for the duration of our relationship or simply on days when you miss me? Drew: But I miss you always, of course Ro: I see, in that case, I'll have to always do whatever I can to ensure you don't have to Drew: that's the plan Drew: I need to go shower before you get here Ro: Go Ro: I have essays to write Drew: 😘 Ro: féach leat go luath, mo chroí 💗

[intim3ate]

Kinktober Day 8 - Blood/Gore | “The Devil Beneath” | McHanzo

McCree and Hanzo come back from a date bloody, bruised, and ecstatic.

It feels like forever since I’ve written McHanzo... I don’t even really know where this one came from. It wasn’t in my kinktober plans, but I think I got hit with some inspiration the last few days because it came outta nowhere. 

Not as much blood as I’d like, 'cause for some reason the blood play thing didn’t work out. It works more as a starting point I guess, lol.

Anyway enjoy. 

AO3 Link | Commission Info | Buy me a Ko-Fi?

Hanzo walks in the room with blood dripping from his nose. It’s trickles down past his lips, caking in his beard. Blood is smeared on his cheek, too; he wipes at it with the back of his hand and kicks off his shoes, not bothering to line them up nicely at the door as usual.

McCree follows right behind him, face similarly bloody. His hair is matted with the stuff, clothes stained with it. He's a little bit more careful taking his shoes off, a little less frustrated than Hanzo, but he doesn't bother to keep things neat and tidy either. He shrugs off his suit jacket and lets it fall to the floor unceremoniously.

Hanzo turns to look at him. McCree looks back.

They laugh.

"You look horrible," Hanzo says first, between peals of laughter.

McCree can barely get his retort out, but he somehow manages to wheeze, "Still better than you, sweetheart!"

He's doubled over, hands on his knees, looking down at the ground. The toes of Hanzo's socks enter his field of vision and McCree looks up to see his lover smiling down at him. It's warm and fond, but there's something glinting beneath the surface.

Something hungry. Something dangerous.

And because they clearly haven't had enough danger for one night, McCree accepts the invitation and stands up straight. He takes Hanzo's blood-caked face in both hands, pulls him close, and kisses him hard on the mouth. He can taste the metallic tang of the blood staining Hanzo's lips, and it sets off something primal and urgent in McCree: he pushes forward, deepening the kiss, prying Hanzo's lips open and slipping his tongue between them.

Hanzo responds just as fiercely as ever. His hands tangle in McCree's hair and he pulls, forcing him to adjust and change his angle. McCree groans into the kiss. His hands move, one coming to rest on Hanzo's shoulder and the other on his hip. McCree tugs him closer, taking a step back, then another and another until the backs of his knees hit the bed. He breaks the kiss then, grinning toothily at Hanzo, and falls backward onto the bed, pulling the archer on top of him.

He rocks his hips upward, eager for some friction against his growing erection. Hanzo is starting to get hard too, and when McCree looks up into his eyes, they're dark, pupils blown wide open. Hanzo licks his lips hungrily.

"I changed my mind," he announces, far more imperiously than is necessary. McCree shivers at the commanding tone in his voice, eager and desperate to hear more. "You look positively sinful like this."

"Mmm, tell me more," McCree purrs. He reaches up and pets Hanzo's sides, hands slipping under the hem of his shirt.

"Tell you more?" Hanzo repeats. He leans down close and nips McCree's ear. His voice is low and raspy, like he's purposely holding himself back. McCree loves it. "About what? About how beautiful you look covered in someone else's blood? About the rush I feel when I see you fight? When you let go and lose yourself in the heat of the moment? Mmm." Hanzo backs off with a smirk. His hands pet at McCree's chest a moment before he starts to slowly unbutton McCree's bloody shirt. "There is a devil inside you, Jesse McCree. One I will never tire of seeing freed."

McCree breathes heavily. Once his chest is exposed, Hanzo traces his fingertips over his pectorals reverently. "Let me see him, Jesse," he whispers. "Let me feel him."

McCree growls low in his throat. Who is he to deny his lover after that? He thrusts his hips up, grinding his still-clothed cock against Hanzo's. The other man moans breathlessly, back arching and head falling back on his shoulders. His hair is coming loose, falling in thin strands about his shoulders, so McCree reaches up and pulls the ribbon out of it, letting it flutter and fall to the floor.

"Ahh..." Hanzo sighs. His hips start to move too, rhythm steady to match McCree's. McCree can't help but chuckle at it. Hanzo Shimada, putting himself on display like this. He's never been a modest man, but something about this feels private, like a secret he's only willing to share with McCree. All the discipline he had has gone out the window, fled at the first impact of fist to flesh. Hanzo is hungry and nearing desperation. And McCree is only too happy to feed him.

He unfastens the button of Hanzo's pants, unzips his fly, reaches in and pulls his lover's cock free. It's warm and hard in his hand, and McCree can't help himself: he sits up, curling in on himself so he can kiss the tip. It puts a strain on his aching body where he'd been hit hard before, but it's worth it for the shiver and sigh Hanzo gives him in response.

He falls back to the bed and strokes Hanzo's cock, squeezing it firmly on the upstroke. "A devil and a dragon," he says. "You know, you talk a lot of shit for someone so easy to rile up."

"Hmm." Hanzo doesn't respond except to lean back and allow McCree a slightly better angle. "Go on."

"Don't think I didn't see the way you were watching me," McCree says. "I know that look you get when you know a fight's comin'. You can't contain yourself. You gotta be the first one to draw blood, 'cause nobody pulls one over on Hanzo Shimada." He licks his lips, and maybe he's pushing his luck, but he's never been one to hold his tongue when he has something to say. "Nobody except me."

"Ah…" Hanzo shudders. His fists clench; McCree has struck a nerve. He grins toothily and shifts beneath his lover to sit up straighter, and pulls Hanzo close again with a finger hooked under the knot of his tie.

"Am I wrong?" McCree asks. Hanzo bites his lip and inhales shakily. He doesn't speak, just rocks his hips into McCree's hold. He's starting to lose himself. McCree leans up and bites his lip, hard enough to draw yet more blood. Hanzo groans loudly, jerks his hips faster.

"I said..." McCree leans in close, breath puffing over Hanzo's bleeding lip. "Am I wrong?"

"No," Hanzo relents, voice coming out in a rush of air. McCree grins at him, his gaze nothing short of predatory. Hanzo is his now.

"That's right," he says. He lets go of Hanzo's tie to nudge his chin. Hanzo takes the wordless command and obeys it, lifting himself off of Jesse just long enough for them both to shed their trousers. When he comes back down, he grinds himself directly against Jesse's cock, already leaking with precum.

"God damn, darling," McCree hisses. He reaches over to their bedside stand and pulls out a bottle of lube. Hanzo watches him, smiling excitedly, as he slicks up his fingers. "I can't wait to fuck you."

"Please," Hanzo says, and the fact that he's pleading already, without having to be told, means he's even hornier than McCree had thought. Who knew a simple fist fight would have awakened something like this in him so easily? Or perhaps he just has that effect on Hanzo. McCree likes to think it's the latter.

He traces his fingers along Hanzo's crack before plunging them inside his lover. They go in easily, and once again McCree thinks about how bad Hanzo must want this. Want him. It's unbearably hot.

And it's making McCree impatient. He fingers his lover carefully, but with a bit more urgency than he normally would. Hanzo doesn't seem to mind; he grinds back against the fingers greedily, as if asking for more. McCree obliges him, adding a third finger and spreading them out to stretch him. He doesn't linger for too long, though, and abruptly pulls them out. Hanzo whines, at the loss or the suddenness of it, McCree doesn't really know, but he doesn't particularly care, either, not when Hanzo is already looking for a replacement by grinding against his cock.

"And you said I had a devil in me," McCree muses. He takes the bottle of lube again and slicks himself up hastily. He wipes his hand on his shirt and guides Hanzo over his dick. "You ready?"

He doesn't get an answer; Hanzo decides to take matters into his own hands and plunges himself down onto McCree, clenching down around him and taking him in just so perfectly. McCree chokes a little, caught off-guard by the suddenness of the movement, but he slowly regains his composure as Hanzo starts to fuck himself on his cock.

"Shit," McCree hisses. He rolls his hips, thrusting up to meet every downward movement Hanzo makes. "Shit, honey, you feel so fuckin' good."

Hanzo smirks, but the haughtiness is lost somewhat in the redness of his face. "Is that so?" he teases, and just to emphasize that he already knows how good he is, Hanzo clamps down on McCree and leans back, angling himself so McCree hits deeper and deeper with every thrust.

Their movements are fast and hurried, neither one of them wanting to take their time. They're still coasting on the combined adrenaline of their lust and their earlier fight, neither one wanting to let that feeling go, so they chase it with teeth and tongue and lips and nails and quick, erratic thrusts and jerks.

Hanzo cries out, fingers clenching in in his own hair as McCree rams his prostate. "Fuck, yes, Jesse...!" he breathes. He bites his lip and squeezes his eyes shut, trying to focus, to hold onto that pleasure.

"I gotcha," McCree assures him. He swallows a moan when Hanzo clenches down against him again. "I got -- fuck!"

McCree comes suddenly, eyes blowing wide. He digs his fingers into Hanzo's hips and moves him back and forth, still thrusting as he rides out his orgasm. He knows Hanzo's close, he can see it in every line of his lover's body, and he wants to make him come to, wants to make him lose the last little bit of himself he has left --

And he does, thrusting up into Hanzo's prostate one last time. Hanzo comes with a shout; his cum leaves streaks across McCree's chest as he finishes, one spurt after another, until he falls limp and slack in McCree's hold.

McCree lets go. Hanzo stays where he is, trying to regain his composure. It takes him a while, and McCree has to lift him off his dick and guide the archer down to lie next to him. But Hanzo goes readily, smiling as he presses his chest to McCree's side.

"You are filthy," he says at last, as if the blood hadn't been what got him all riled up in the first place. McCree just laughs and strokes Hanzo's chin with his thumb.

"And whose fault is that?" he asks.

Hanzo hums. "The men that interrupted our date," he says. "Really, they should have known better than to pick a fight with us."

"Yeah, but look at where it got us," McCree says. "Dirty as all hell, but that's some of the best sex we've had in a while, ain't it?"

"Hm. Perhaps you are right." Hanzo lifts himself and hovers over McCree, one hand idly playing with his chest hair. "I do love a good fight."

"That's the spirit," McCree says. He leans up and kisses Hanzo gently. "So what d'you say, then? Same time next week?"

Hanzo chuckles softly. "Perhaps."

And that’s good enough for now.

[imaginethoseguys]

Are we doing it? Part 1

Pairing: Peter Parker x Hannah(OC if you will)

Synopsis: First sex is a magic, but really confusing thing.

Word Count: I wrote it on my phone so… a bunch??

A/N: SOOO what was supposed to be a quick confusing smut turned into a fanfiction or whatever I don’t know LOL. I also decided to divide it in two parts, the smut itself being in the next one(WHOOPS)

Oh, and by the way, Peter and Hannah are 17-18 here, cause 15 is just a no-no

And I guess if you want to be tagged for the next part - write me, Idunnomeh

Peterpie🥧: what’s up giggles

Peterpie🥧: so when do we meet again?

Banannah🍌: any time you want really

Banannah🍌: say 8?

Peterpie🥧: sure

Peterpie🥧: wait for me🤘🏻

Banannah🍌: you run boy😏

Hannah looked at herself in the mirror for god knows which time today. Her father was away for a business trip this weekend, so the house was empty and she called Peter over. It might seem like just another movie night, they’ve had plenty of those; but Hannah knew it wasn’t just another night. They’ve been dating over a year now and tonight something was about to happen.

Well, not something. Sex. This word was spinning in her head all day.

Hannah didn’t want to admit she was taking all that “losing virginity” stuff so serious, but truth is, underneath her T-shirt and sweatpants was a matching pair of lingerie she’s recently bought.

God, what am I doing Hannah said to herself, I’m probably the only one thinking so intensely about it.

Peter was freaking out. He showered, brushed his teeth twice, he was checking his hair every time he walked pass a mirror; he even shaved there— so that was weird. He was trying to kick the thoughts about tonight away: he’s probably overthinking it, the fact, that parents aren’t home doesn’t mean it’ll lead to sex; but thoughts were there and they were eating him. What if he misunderstands the situation and forces Hannah into something she doesn’t want? Or what if he doesn’t understand the hints she’s dropping and will end up being dumped for his stupidity?

He fixed his t-shirt and rang the doorbell. There was a remote just a second followed by a click of the lock.

“Hey, Dimples,” said Hannah smiling widely.

“H-Hey,” Peter began to relax. Hannah’s bright face just had this magic ability to calm him down whenever his was worried. One glance at her and all the problems disappeared in an instant.

“Are you all right? You look weird.”

“Just… out of breath.”

“You seriously ran? Peter, it was a joke.”

“Hey, it was intentional. Gotta stay fit to catch all those bad guys, y’know.”

“You and your superhero duties..” she stepped away from the doorway, “come in.”

Hannah went to the kitchen and opened the fridge as Peter made his way to her film collection.

“So, what’s your poison? Coke or sprite?”

“I thought poison meant alcohol,” he said, looking over the movie library, “what do you want to watch? Action? Or maybe thriller?”

“So what, you want beer?” She turned around and looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

“W-what? No—I don’t know. You have beer?”

“Well, technically it’s not mine,” Hannah shrugged her shoulders. Then she turned back to the fridge, “you think too slow, you get a coke, Spiderguy.”

“Yeah, sure. So what about the movie?”

“I don’t know.. you wanna watch Saw maybe?”

“Why do you have Saw?”

“Why are you so surprised with all the stuff I have, Peter?”

“It’s just—you hate horror movies,” he took the box from the shelf.

“I love-hate them. It’s like, they are terrifying, but I also can’t close my eyes. They scare the shit out of me, but I kinda like the adrenalin.

“You are adorable.”

“Shut up,” Hannah blushed slightly and let a small laugh. She then grabbed a bag of popcorn and put it into the microwave.

“So, tell me,” she jumped over the back of the couch and invited Peter to seat next to her, “how was your day, babyface?”

“You’ve really upped your nickname game, have you?” He sighed, placing himself near Hannah and wrapping his hand around her.

“Well, I can’t help that you are all of those nicknames,” she giggled, bringing her face closer to his.

“I missed you,” he whispered into her lips, closing his eyes.

“I missed you too, Peets.”

They slowly closed the space between them, merging into a gentle, soft kiss. The gentleness, however, didn’t last very long before growing into something more passionate. Peter didn’t even notice how his tongue slid into Hannah’s mouth, which made Hannah moan quietly, as she ran her fingers through his hair.

Peter leaned forward, pressing Hannah into the couch. His hand softly grabbed her shoulder, deliberately moving lower. As it reached her breast, he slightly squeezed it with a shaky hand, fetching out another moan from Hannah, louder this time. As his hand grabbed the end of her shirt, a loud beep broke the silence, causing the two to bounce away from each other.

“The-um, the p-popcorn—the popcorn is ready,” said Hannah with a husky voice, getting up from the couch and fixing her T-shirt.

“Y-Yeah,” Peter leaned back and lowered his gaze, staring at his fingers.

In complete silence there were only sounds of the opening microwave and rustle of popcorn. However, Hannah had a feeling that her thoughts were so loud the neighbors could hear them.

Oh my god oh my god oh my god

She was still breathing heavily; a weird, strong feeling was pumping inside her. She could feel her cheeks flaming red, however, the oddest thing was that everything was somehow… pleasant. The joy of unknown mixed with almost paralyzing fear made her legs tremble.

Hannah threw a quick loot at Peter.

He looks calm she thought, he’s not a virgin? We’ve never talked about this, but he seems to know what to do.

If a stare could cut, Peter would lose both of his hands by now. It felt like he swallowed a flame, everything inside him burned: his chest, his stomach, all the insides. It could look like Peter was just seating peacefully, waiting for the popcorn, but truth is, he simply couldn’t move. If his insides were on fire, his outsides were completely frozen.

Another huge problem was the boner he got the exact second they started to make out, and, comparing to all the other details of his physical state, that was on whole other level.

It was pulsating; pulsating so hard Peter felt it echoing in his head. He couldn’t think; he’s almost forgotten what language he spoke. The only thing left in his mind was the previous five minutes.

“So-um, Saw? Can you get the-um, can you start the movie?” Hannah still couldn’t get her mind together.

“Can—can you do it?” Peter blurted out as he grabbed the closest pillow to cover himself, “ I am, you know, I don’t want to-um, to break anything.”

At this point, Hannah has returned with a bowl of popcorn and two glass bottles of coke in her hands. She narrowed her eyebrows, looking at Peter.

“Pete, it’s just a dvd-player.”

“My hands—I think my hands are sweaty.”

“Oookay,” Hannah put the food on the table and examined Peter one more time before turning to the TV.

Right now, Peter was happy with their movie choice. Nothing is a bigger turn off, than gore and guts.

Hannah was confused. He didn’t want all this? But he did touch me, her body trembled as she thought of it again.

And so the movie started. However, it wasn’t long before the couple started yet another make out session. There were sounds of kisses in unison with people in the movie screaming. Weirdly, Peter was still holding a pillow.

“What’s up with the pillow?” Hannah breathed out.

“Nothing,” Peter said sharply, “nothing is up with the pillow.”

“Then why are you holding on to it?”

“I don’t.”

“Then let it go.”

“Why do you want me to let it go?”

“Cause I can’t make out with you with this goddamn pillow between us!” She grabbed the pillow and pulled it away. Noticing an obvious bump under his jeans, Hannah felt her cheeks flame up.

“You are.. exited.”

“H-hey, what do you want,” he looked away in embarrassment, “there’s a—a girl i really like and we keep kissing for almost half an hour now.”

“It’s—“

“We don’t have to do this.”

“What?”

“This,” he gazed at their position on the couch, “we don’t have to do anything you don’t want. We can just watch the movie and—“

“No!” Hannah cursed herself for sounding so impatient, “I want to do this. It’s just… I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“Me neither,”

“Really?”

Wha—what’s that supposed to mean?”

“I dunno.. you don’t look like a virgin, I guess.”

“Are you serious? Half of the school calls me ‘Penis Parker’. AND I build Star Wars LEGO constructors. You might need to recheck your sources.”

“Hey, I love your LEGO constructors.”

“Well, you are welcome to have sex with me.”

Hannah went silent after the word. She looked at Peter with an uncertain expression. Peter realized the phrase he just said and went white.

“No-I, I didn’t mean—it’s not—“

Hannah chuckled and interrupted Peter’s mumbling with a kiss.

“Peter, let’s move to the bedroom. Couch is not the best place to lose virginity.”

“O—okay.”