#gravity falls parallel dimensions

[chronicallyill-nephilim]

might be late to the party but this idea has been nesting in my head for a while so-

read, decoded, and inhaled the Book of Bill when it was released and this is what came out of that (and thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com)

It all started with the Parallel Dimensions pages (yeah I know we’re all exhausted with the multiverse but I can’t stop thinking about it so here we are).

“But I guarantee you that their less lucky dimensional duplicates think about THEM all the time… Maybe one day all these parallel Pines will get the chance to meet up face-to-face…”

Yeah fuck that shit goes hard, different timeline versions all coming after Dipper and Mabel out of hate and envy and greed for a life they should have had.

(At the time that this wormed it's way into my head talks of a third season / spin off were super high so this is a kind of spin off / third season I would have liked to see)

6 Years down the line

Dipper and Mabel in the timeline we know graduate high school, move to different states and start college. Dipper goes north, Seattle Washington to the University of Washington to study Cultural Geography and Linguistics (minoring in English Lit because he can’t help himself). Mabel stays a bit closer to home and ends up at California Institute of the Arts, studying Art History.

They keep in touch with each other, of course, and their parents and their Grunkles. For the most part their lives went back to normal after the first summer they spent in Gravity Falls. (Not totally, Mabel was still the only girl in their high school who tried to bring a grappling hook in with her on the first day and she’s definitely the only girl to keep one by the door of her college dorm room.)

Meanwhile in the Theraprism

Bill sucks at therapy. He doesn’t have feelings to talk about so suck on that- no he doesn’t care about his destroyed dimension or his historically poor love life thank you very much.

To kill time and boredom he creates the Book of Bill as a last ditch effort to free himself. If he can make a deal with someone through the book he could use them to break himself out of that damn place.

In a library where it really shouldn’t be

Dipper, unsurprisingly spends a lot of his study time in the many libraries littered over the universities campus. Most the time he’s not even there looking for a book, simply a desk in a quiet corner to lose himself in his work. He looks up, without even thinking to give his eyes a break from the bright screen of his lap top, and that's when he sees it.

A think black leather bound spine completely unmarked unlike the color coded spines besides it. It had down right weird vibes coming off it in ways Dipper has only experienced in the boarders of Gravity Falls weirdness.

Obviously he picks it up, cause he might be older but he defiantly is still the cat almost killed by his curiosity. However with age comes wisdom and the first thing he does is not open the book, instead he pockets it in his book bag with plans to call Grunkle Ford and Mabel when he got him.

Except he doesn't make it that far.

The Book of Bill and the other twins

The Book of Bill works as a sort of beacon. Bill didn't intend for that to happen- sending the book through the dimensions trying to get it to anyone who'd be stupid enough to make a deal with him put a damn spot light on the thing (not only that but it ends up in the hands of someone who's already proved their stupidity by having made a deal with Bill in the past).

There are hundreds of timelines, of different dimensions, where the twins lose- they lose everything, their loved ones, each other, their lives. Bill destroys their world, and suddenly this light.

They could all see him, this version of themselves that got to live the life they should be living. Why did he get to grow up, go to college, spend his life with his sister and their family when they couldn't.

Drawn to the book these hurt and broken versions of Dipper (and later Mabel when their together) come flocking to this dimension, if they can get their hands on that book they could have his happy ending instead.

Theraprism's newest tactic

Rolling with the punches (and with Bill their newest patient there are a lot of those) they quickly decide on a new route of therapy.

Traditional methods haven't made any progress so far, so with this new beacon trouble on earth they decided on a more immersive route.

They send his ass to earth to work with the twins on fixing all the different dimensions he killed.

Parallel Dimensions that went wrong

The particular one from the page in the Book of Bill that sparked this idea was the twins in the SBE (Society of the Blind Eye) robes. Just thinking about the twins (and most likely Soos and Wendy) getting inducted that night, and their memories erased. But Dipper's got the journal and he and Mabel are some sort of weird magnet cause they keep running into things. SBE keeps erasing their memories and with such large gaps they start becoming irrationally paranoid about little things. Dipper in particular becomes extremely closed of, "Trust No One" is etched into his mind and even causes him to become afraid of his sister. Things only get worse when Bill starts showing up, trying to get the journal. SBE reveal themself to Dipper and Mabel- and they end up in the robes but the SBE was flawed from the beginning and Dipper couldn't trust the people he needed to when it came down to it. So Bill won.

This is just one of the dimensions... (I have thought through several others but those will probably have to be separate post)

However I think to start the story, the first Dipper to get through and go after the BoB would be the Dipper Gideon kills with the sheers. (We all remember that right... really dark to put him right up front on the page cause I wouldn't have even thought of that as a possibility) This Dipper, a ghost now, is furious he couldn't grow up with his sister. He hates that this other Dipper did get to grow up with Mabel, and got to have the life he wanted.

Basically the whole idea is a buddy comedy between the twins and a much weaker forced to do better Bill. Where all three of them are extremely unhappy about having to work together (Dipper and Mabel would much rather deal with the problem together than with Bill).

We'd get to see Dipper and Mabel grown up as 20 something year old's and learn through new inside jokes and banter what their high school years were like. We get to see how they've changed and in what ways their relationship has grown.

On top of all that we get a pissy Bill having to deal with morals and shit from the twins. - I'm also a sucker for villain turn morally grey turned 'good guy?' and with how the Book of Bill and the website treated his past he could def have a traumatic breakdown over his past and spill his guts to the twins. (whether he feels bad about it could still be up in the air, it could be real or it could be a trick, who knows.)

It'd made a good episodic thing for the first bit because it would focus on one dimension/past at a time. Putting the twins through the emotional ringer of seeing where one little slip up would have changed their lives for the worst- and how it did get worse for the version of them that had to live it.

(I have lots more ideas about this but I will save those for another post, this one is already much longer than I thought it would be.)

[wormspoodle]

thinking about the "a better world" dimension where stan did take the journal

[abyssalzones]

put me to work

[voice crack] hey guys I remembered how to draw

[marlshroom]

came to the fucked up realization after finishing gravity falls again last night the parallels of the dream bubble bill made for mabel and the literal state of delusion he keeps himself in.

in the book of bill on the page where bill cipher describes how he figured out a way to manipulate her into giving him the rift, it says:

"Summers ending, my guy. Ending to death, bro. She'd do anything to make it last just a day longer. Probably something RASH and OUT OF CHARACTER, even!"

as we know, mabel cannot handle the fact that she will be growing up. that the relationship with her brother is going to change. she is scared of high school.

bill then says "That was it. She'd never make a deal with me. But she'd make a deal with someone she believed could give her more time. The dream was done. I had her."

bill then creates the dream bubble for mabel, he makes every one of her dreams come true, a place where time is still and she can be a kid forever. a lie so great that she wont have to face the truth.

in journal 3 on one of the pages bill is writing in code, we see this:

[ID: "I ask you, why must[should] time only move forward? Why must cause preceded effect. Who voted on the law of physics."]

my friend helped me break down what bill means by this:

why can we only move forward in the 4th dimension of time. why does something have to make another thing happen, why must cause come before the effect. why cant you move backwards, in the other direction, change the decisions youve made.

how interpret this is bill asking why he is not able to back and stop what he did to his family. he says to ford that he tried and failed to undo the past.** why did him wanting people to acknowledge his advantages instead of suppress him lead to the destruction of his whole dimension?

**(i just want to point out that this is probably the time where bill is the MOST open to anybody, or at least the first. to his henchmaniacs he had been telling them that he liberated his dimension until the oracle discovered the truth. here, to ford, he got so much closer to telling the truth. he SHOWS ford the last atoms of his world. he says that it was destroyed by a monster, not that it was liberated! destroyed)

back to when bill says "I had her" about mabel, he had her cause he knew exactly what needed to happen to trap mabel in a delusion because it is exactly what he is doing to himself. creating a fake narrative of what happened to him, that he was vindicated in killing his whole dimension. only ever doing exactly what he wants because confronting the truth is too scary for him(good fucking lord). the morality page offers good insight into this too.

i am actually just going to quote the whole page and highlight the important part. it speaks for itself really

"THE POINT IS it's[morality] is a very flexible concept! But parents and presidents don't want you to know that, because then you might start asking other questions, like who put them in charge, anyway? So they cram your brain full of guilt and regrets for transgressing the laws that they just made up(the laws that they made to prevent the destruction of their dimension, regardless of if the law + the wrongful medication of a fucking baby triangle did any good to actually prevent it). Wouldn't it be nice if you could put all that baggage down? Quell the shame that follows you everywhere for a lifetime of crimes? MAKE THE SCREAMS FINALLY STOP? The good news is you CAN silence that annoying voice, and here's how!

DENIAL

Works 100% of the time in every situation. What you you mean there are people who disagree? I can confidently say there aren't!

RATIONALIZATION

If you can do it, you can justify it! "Truth" is open-source code and anyone can edit it anytime! Want to be like me? List 3 "evil" things and then 3 "reasons why they're actually good." You'll be rationalizing like Bill in no time!

DETACHMENT

Did you know 100% of your human cells die and are replaced every 7 years? That means that anything you did 7 years ago wasn't even you-it was some dead loser! You can't be held accountable for what a dead person did! What? You think this is just another form of rationalization? I DENY THAT!

THE BILL CIPHER DECISION METHOD!

Working over the eons, the voices in my head teamed up and worked out a foolproof method for making any decision in any situation.

DO WHATEVER I WANT."

ooooooooooooooooooh boy.

he is fully admitting here that he is living in a completely different really in order to justify doing whatever he wants. he gives mabel the tools to deny, to rationalize, to detach herself from the reality of it all. that time has to move forward. and he thinks it will work because it worked on himself.

but it doesn't work on mabel because she understands that she needs other people. shes vunerable, she lets people in, admits when shes wrong. and bill cant do that because it would destroy the fantasy he's created for himself.

[tinfoil-jones]

Gravity Falls: What Did You Do? Ch. 1

Summary: “Nine Lives Lee”, a rare Stanley Pines who ended up on the other side of the portal instead of his brother, literally falls into the “Better World” that one dimension that most of the alternate versions of Stanford Pines tend to be jealous of and hold over Lee’s head as ‘proof’ that everyone would have been better off if he’d just done what his brother asked him. The Ford of this dimension, however, isn’t quite what he seems. And neither is his version of Stanley.

Rating: T+

Warnings:  Language, violence, medical related gore, and mentions of graphic violence. Cross-Posted on AO3 Here.

Disclaimer: Reverse Portal Stan "Nine Lives Lee" is owned by @urdadsceilingfan

This version of the Better World AU is owned by @mother-ofthe-universedraws

Next

Ch.1

This isn’t the first time Lee’s stood at the ledge on the roof of a tall building, looking down, and contemplating his life and what it’s worth. How he got here. What he’s done so far. What his next move is. 

“Halt! You’re at the end of the line, old man.”

This isn’t the first time he’s been cornered by cops of a different dimension, either. He never bothered to learn what this particular organization liked to call themselves. Eventually, all of the acronyms and titles ran together, and it’d still be some echelon of police at the end of the day. After all, if it sounds like a pig, walks like a pig, and rolls around in shit like a pig, it’s a pig. Especially since some of the cops in this world were literal humanoid pigs; this version of Earth was half populated by regular humans, and the other half populated by anthropomorphic animals. 

At least they spoke his first language, English. He’s gotten better at learning languages over the years, having a sharper echoic memory than anyone would assume just by looking at him, but it was still annoying when he would go long stretches not able to understand anything because he didn’t know the local language. He really should get a universal translator one of these days. 

“Hands where we can see them!” He heard a multitude and clicks and the distinctive bzzt of electricity. Lee knew they were pulling out weapons on him, most likely handguns, tasers, and good ol’ fashioned nightsticks. He was pretty familiar with all of those, having been at the sending and receiving ends of them all. This version of Earth wasn’t advanced enough for energy based weaponry.

Lee slipped his portal gun into his jacket quickly and quietly, turning around as he did so. He slowly put his hands up in front of himself, in a defensive, if somewhat relaxed, guard.

“Up in the air, dirtbag!” The cop barked at him - quite literally, this particular officer is some humanoid dog. He noticed some of them had their eyes drawn to his right arm; his robotic one. He couldn’t blame them for being distracted, considering the tech here couldn’t have been advanced enough for a prosthetic like his.

Slowly Lee started to raise his hands.

And then he flipped them around with his middle fingers up, and did a free-fall backwards off of the ledge.

This isn’t the first time Lee’s known the view from halfway down.

But they didn’t call him Nine Lives Lee for nothing; because this also isn’t the first time Lee had opened a portal without the cops noticing until he’d already jumped.

“GET BACK HERE LEE!” One of the cops shouted at him as soon as they were able to sprint over to the ledge and look down at him, expecting a suicide attempt, only to be baffled by a swirling electric-blue vortex floating there, right in the path of Lee’s descent.

“See ya later sucker!” He called back, still keeping both middle fingers up even as bullets whizzed right past him but failed to quite make the mark. One lucky shot got him in in his robotic arm, but like most parallel Earth bullets, it just clinked right off.

The portal swallowed him up, and collapsed in on itself, winking right out of existence from Dimension-BoJ6

---

Lee had complicated feelings for Rick Sanchez. They were friends, rivals,  begrudging allies, enemies, lovers - sometimes all of those things at once. It’s a long story, a few decades of a long story in fact. But he never underestimated Rick’s brilliance. At one point in his travels, Rick had approached him; he needed some parts from a heavily guarded facility, and told Lee if he could get them without dying he would build him his own portal gun. Rift-Hunting was long and exhausting and he could go months to years stuck in a dimension before finding one, so of course Lee took the job. He’d had his trusty portal gun ever since.

However, for all of Rick’s undeniable genius, for the life of him Lee could not figure out why that dumbass never made portals that you could clearly see through. The guy had an entire civilization of alternate versions of himself, there was no way they couldn’t have cobbled their big brains and even bigger egos together and figured it out. Lee was still convinced they were just that dedicated to their sci-fi aesthetic.

Most of the time, both sides of the portal created by the gun were oriented the same - if you generated a portal two feet off of the ground and vertically upright, it’d be the same when you went through it. If you made a portal into the ground, usually you would fall through a floor and/or ceiling. This wasn’t always the case, however.

By making a portal horizontal, and mid-air up forty floors, Lee had expected to continue to free fall; he would still have plenty of time between falling through the portal and hitting the ground to get himself properly oriented and get his emergency landing gear in time.

This time, the ground was less than five feet below him.

“Ough!” Lee grunted, the wind knocked out of him as he landed on his back onto a concrete floor, he also felt a sharp burst of pain in the back of his head when that also smacked against the dusty concrete, the blow slightly softened by his beanie. “...Ouch.”

Sweet Moses, he knew he was up there in years but did he really need to get humbled by a lower back pain flare? The impact has caused the muscles there to start spasming, and he knew it’d take hours to stop on its own if he didn’t do something about it.

Lee grimaced as he sat up, and took in his darkened surroundings as he reached down to his utility belt, feeling around for the right compartment. Appeared to be some kind of basement, with abandoned shelves, desks, and tables. It was dusty down here, but not a thick blanket, so it was not abandoned, just seldom visited. It looked like the room was slightly in ruins, because there were loose pieces of the concrete wall and floor scattered around. There was a peculiar structure behind him, where his portal had spat him out; some inverted triangle with a hole in the center-.

Lee's entire body froze for a split second; it wasn’t like him to let himself get caught off guard, but he knew exactly what he was looking at. After all, it was the very same structure he’d been sucked into almost thirty years ago, jettisoning him from his original dimension, and his twin brother who he’d just been fighting with-.

All of these years later and the sizzle from the structure he’d kicked Ford into, and the horrific, pained scream from his brother that followed still haunted him when he thought about it.

Rising slowly due to his flaring pain, Lee’s flesh hand pulled a syringe from his medical pouch, and his prosthetic hand brought his portal gun close to his face so he could read the console home screen for the information it’d gathered as soon as he fell into this dimension:

[€ΔŘŦĦ ¥€ΔŘ: 2010

₣Ř€Ω ΜΔŦĆĦ: Ň€ǤΔŦƗV€

Đ€ŞƗǤŇΔŦƗØŇ: Ǥβ-1100

₣Ř€€ ŴƗ₣Ɨ? ŇØ]

Damn. The negative frequency match told him what didn’t surprise him, but still disappointed him; this wasn’t his dimension. Well, you could only get so lucky when you set the destination to ‘random’ and ‘habitable atmosphere’. Although, hasn’t he heard of Dimension BG-1100 before? He had an inkling he’d at least heard that designation before.

Lee rose fully to his feet, grimacing as the sharp pain shooting up from his lower back, he uncapped his syringe and, clenched in fist, he brought it under his coat and shifted his belt line low enough to expose the skin underneath, and using that same fist as a landmark to measure below his hip. He didn’t bother to count down this time, he just gave himself the injection.

“⋔⍜⏁⊑⟒⍀⎎⎍☊☍⟒⍀!” Lee hissed harshly under his breath; he even didn’t remember exactly what that language was called, because he’d learned it five or so dimensions ago, but he was very familiar with that specific phrase because of how frequently he’d used it when he was frustrated, angry, in pain, or really didn’t like the person he was talking to. As soon as the syringe was completely out of the cocktail of ketorolac and cyclobenzaprine, the needle automatically retracted, and he sighed in relief as his pain started to dissipate. He put the spent syringe into a different pouch; he used to not be opposed to just tossing these where he was, until some people started using those to get his DNA to track him.

Speaking of tracking-

There was a glowing red dot in the corner of the massive room. Lee halted all movement, and strained to see what the source was, which wasn’t easy given the room being dark. Whether it was a camera, a drone, or some other kind of sci-fi security device, he knew when something was recording him. 

The sci-fi adventuring badass in him wanted to destroy it with his blaster, quick and easy. But Lee wouldn’t have gotten this far if he wasn’t practical; his blaster had limited charges, and he didn’t need to run out mid-fight just because he’d decided to be extra. There wasn’t just one type of quick and easy, after all.

He did a precursory scan of his surroundings and- aha! He knelt over and picked up a loose chunk of concrete- good thing this place didn’t seem to ever get cleaned or fixed up. Straining slightly, he held the chunk in his robotic hand, focused on the red dot in the corner, and chucked the piece of concrete at it as hard as his prosthetic arm would let him - which was a lot harder than his flesh arm could manage.

The red dot went out as the chunk made contact, and the piece of technology that emitted it in the corner fell to the ground in pieces. Quick and easy, and he didn’t have to use any of his stuff. Still, he’d already been recorded, he needed to make himself scarce before trouble came looking for him.

He slid his gaze to the side and up when he heard the distinct sound of locks and chains being messed with. 

Great.

He looked around for something to crouch behind.

From upstairs, he could hear the rusty squeak from a door opening, and sliding across the floor, followed by semi-sharp footsteps descending down the stairs, picking up in sound enough Lee could assess what he was hearing.

‘Dress shoes’ He deduced - not boots or sneakers, so whoever this was at a disadvantage for running and fighting. So fight and flight were both still on the table. Good, he liked having options.

The distinct shape of a human took the last step from the stairs into the basement, and for a moment just stood there. Lee could see that their gaze was fixed onto the inverted triangle of the portal.

Tall. Thin- a variant of McGucket, perhaps? If this was his brothers basement on another parallel Earth, Fiddleford McGucket was a constant in his life. Most of the time he was batshit crazy, but in some dimensions he’d retained his sanity. 

But every time he was a genius, and every time he had some gadget on him with the word ‘Death’ in it and there were only so many chances Lee was willing to take.

The figures back was turned to him as they walked forward and felt around the walls, likely looking for a lightswitch. They had still, jerky movements; joint pain. Yeah, if this was McGucket he’d be getting up there in years just like him.

Lee slid along the opposite side of the room, slinking around the shadows and willing his steps to be as silent as possible.

He’d made it all the way to the base of the stairs when he’d misjudged a turn and his prosthetic arm smacked clanked against the metal banister of the stairs. He inwardly cursed; on if the things they don’t tell you about prosthetics is that is can sometimes mess up your spacial awareness, something you’d really need in the dark

“Who’s there?” The figure asked and Lee didn’t have time to take in the details of their voice because he saw them point something long and cylindrical at him-

Like a shotgun.

In an instant he’d run over and tackled the figure, and they both tumbled to the floor, knocking the rifle out of the figure's hand, while the other hand flipped on the switch on the wall during the initial tackle.

The lights in the basement flicked in slowly, but that was enough time for Lee to straddle the figure and reach for his-

“St-.... Stanley?” The voice below him quivered, like a choked up whisper of surprise and awe, making Lee freeze up right before his hand could grasp his knife. 

That was a name he never used anymore.

And that was a voice he’d heard before, it was rusty and heavy but-

Lee dares to look up from his side - and he saw that the object he’d knocked out of the mans hand was not a rifle but a cane - and to the face of the man he’d knocked down. A prominent nose and cleft chin, gray hair streaked in silver, and, most importantly, it was almost exactly the same as his own face.

He’d met many variants of this man throughout the multiverse, and it was never a warm reception; there was always hostility and resentment from the other end. But this man looked at him like he was seeing something that amazed but terrified him.

“Ford?”

To be continued…

---

NOTES

-“View From Halfway Down” is a reference to Bojack Horseman. And yes, the world Lee was in initially was the Bojack Horseman universe. The name of the dimension, BoJ6 comes from “BoJack”, and 6 from the number of seasons.

-The scene where Lee escapes is a direct reference to this art of him

-The Portal Guns text is from the Delta font from https://pixelied.com/font-generator/discord if you have trouble reading it, here’s what it said:

[Earth Year: 2010

FREQ MATCH: NEGATIVE

Designation: GB1100

Free WiFi? No]

-Dimension-GB1100 is the designation for the “Better World” AU because in Caesar Cipher with shift 5, GB = BW or "Better World". "1100" is for "IIOO" or the initials in "International Institute of Oddology".

-The language used by Lee in the beginning is from Alien Speech Translator

-Ketorolac is a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID) used to reduce inflammation and pain and often used for acute back pain, and Cyclobenzaprine is a muscle relaxer that can treat pain and muscle spasms. Stan probably carries like a dozen vials of a personalized mix that he acquires through stealing various means.

-I thought it’d be interesting if compared to Stanford’s photographic memory (having a highly detailed memory of things you see), Lee had echoic memory (highly detailed memory of things you hear), which is what helped him learn to pick up languages easily, and take in his surroundings when his vision was impaired (and considering he went through the portal without glasses, he needed that skill). It’s also ironic, considering that canon Stan uses a hearing aid.

[ckret2]

Do you have any theories about the "Better World"? Or headcanons about this parallel universe?

I've seen some people theorize that it's a sham somehow—that actually Ford turned into a villain or he's secretly being possessed by Bill or he died and Fiddleford didn't want to say so or it was all an illusion or something like that.

I don't think that's the case. I think it'd undermine the narrative importance of the Better World if it weren't real.

For it to work in the story, Ford has to really, actually see his own ideal perfect alternate life—the life where he got everything he (thought he) wanted, where he got to benefit from all of Bill's lessons and still kick Bill out when he became inconvenient, where Stan helped out on Ford's own terms and never hindered him again, where Fiddleford remained his assistant with his sanity intact, where Ford got the fame, the money, the research institution...

Ford has to see that—and still end his narrative arc by proudly showing off a picture with the Mystery Shack family and saying that that's what his happiness looks like.

If the Better World is somehow fake, then it means Ford didn't really decide he's happiest with family rather than with "success", because he never actually got to see what his life could have been like if he'd succeeded. If the lesson is "you fool! the kind of success you wanted was never possible in the first place!" then he didn't choose between family and fame (an important, emotionally poignant choice), he only chose between family and fruitlessly chasing a fame he never could have achieved (which is a much easier, obvious choice. I'm not deeply touched that a man chose to let go of his ambitions for the sake of his family if the narrative tells me his ambitions were unattainable in the first place).

So I think the Better World is exactly what Journal 3 says it is.

I only have one headcanon about the Better World that's outside what we see in canon:

While the "meeting your duplicate will destroy you" thing may or may not be true (it wasn't true in Dimension MAB-3L, but different physics might be at work), the real reason Fidds didn't at least try to set up a video call or something between the Stanfords is because Better World Ford is can-barely-get-out-of-bed depressed.

The Better World is where Ford achieved everything he thinks he wants; and I think, if he got what he thought he wanted, he would have learned that no amount of world-changing discoveries, academic success, public praise, award ceremonies, or glowing speeches made on his behalf would ever make him feel like he's made it—and so he kept going and kept going and went higher and higher until he reached as high as he could possibly reach and discovered there's nowhere further for him to go and still he isn't content with his life.

And he'll never feel like he's made it until he feels like he's loved and accepted—unconditionally, with or without the scientific achievements.

And he'll never feel unconditionally loved in a world where he never sees his closest family again.

(I think this is similar to what happened to Bill. He's achieved what seems to be some sort of godhood and he's not happy. He runs a dimension and he's not happy. He has a gang of zealous followers and he's not happy. He finally invades Earth and takes over Gravity Falls and he's not happy—we never see him partying with his Henchmaniacs. And if we'd seen Bill's own Better World—if he'd taken over the universe—he still wouldn't have been happy. And he wouldn't have understood why. What MORE can he do?)

But Worse World Ford can't see the Better World as a cautionary tale. This isn't his Scrooge-with-the-Ghost-of-Christmas-Future moment. He has to see only everything he ever wanted—he has to see that he WON, and yes, he REALLY DID win, he really did accomplish ALL THOSE AMAZING THINGS—and then he has to realize for himself that he wants his family more. He made his choice out of love for his family, not out of fear of the alternative.

[temmtamm]

couldddd you POSSIBLY!.!!.!!! do a gravity falls yandere platonic ford which any age with a son!reader? Maybe around the age of 14 or younger. IF NOT THATS COMPLETELY FINE!

or if not that maybe a platonic yandere teen ford and stan with a younger brother?

Hii pookie!!

Friendly reminder once again, I do not do gender specific asks/headcanons!! Check my Gravity Falls ‘Asks Open’ post if anyone has any confusion on what I will/wont do!

As for a parental Ford…let’s see..

Well, at least in my opinion, Ford probably wouldn’t take that care of a child. He can barely take care of himself, let alone a kid.

But, if we are talking after the portal and everything, then I think that might be different.

Once again, Ford doesn’t have much of any parental bones in his body, but he does display more care and affection for the twins than I think he would’ve before the portal. I feel like he had matured and grown a lot through all the dimensions he had been in, and was able to recognize how poorly he was raised.

So, let’s say your home life wasn’t as great either, whether it be something as simple as your father being emotionally constipated, or your family just fights more than ‘normal’ ones, Ford WILL draw parallels to your home and his.

And Ford, after all he has learned, doesn’t want another person to wind up like him; craving validation and praise from others, to the point where he—I mean, you, seek it out from dangerous sources.

So…Ford starts hanging around you more.

He’s very…subtle with it. He knows kids, especially teenagers don’t care for adults getting all up in their business, so he tried to take it slow.

He didn’t expect how closed off you were, however. Your walls were completely up…So, he had to take some extra measures to get some details out of you.

Y’know the fun fact about all the weirdness in Grvaity Falls?? It means that there’s a lot of bugs that can repeat what it hears—So, it wasn’t that hard to sneak one of these copyroaches into your home and listen in on it repeating all that was heard in the home.

All the nasty fights, all the lonesome crying, all the times you’d gush to yourself or your friends on call about your special interests.

Don’t worry, he’s a good dad, he’ll let you keep SOME privacy…Just, a very, very, VERRYY small portion of it.

Slowly, you two start to bond more and more with him becoming more of a father figure to you with how he seems to always know what’s troubling you and the answers you need to hear in that moment…Not to mention, with him not being great with emotions, he tried to win your love with acts of service, such as making you dinner, saving the shoes you like on his DVR, and letting you spend the night at the shack when your parents fight.

Soon, he started to notice you staying at the shack more and more.

And more and more…He couldn’t help but grow discontent with the way your family treats you.

As said before, it doesn’t matter how small the issue is, if Ford had it his way, not a foul word should be spoken in your vicinity. Haven’t they already done enough damage to this child?? Do they want you to grow up in a broken home?!

In fact…He doesn’t think they’re fit to be parents. Not even in the slightest!!

He would be so much better…He’d actually take care of you, and he is smarter than any school they have been putting you in for that matter—All those kids are just so cruel to you, even if you don’t know it yet.

That…actually gives him an idea.

“So…anything happen at school today, champ?” Ford mumbled in his usual low, raspy voice as he scrubbed at the dishes in the sink, his apron still tied around his waist from cooking.

“Uh…Ford?” He didn’t even bat an eye or look up at you as you started to feel queasy, pushing the bowl of soup away from you at the dinner table. “I think the vegetables in this went bad…I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Ford just let out a good, hearty laugh. “Don’t be silly, I made it with all fresh ingredients. Have a look for yourself. Only the best for you.”

You could feel your stomach start to churn and growl, with the sight that greeted you when you looked down at your bowl not making you feel any better.

Was that an…eye?!

…

It’s the same shade as your mother’s.

“O-Oh god..” You bit down on your lip, bile starting to creep up in the back of your throat at the sight…and that’s when the melatonin had started to kick in, making your vision grow spotty. It was hard for Ford to find a dosage of that where it was not only over the required limit for a young teen, but also able to be hidden in food. He did it though. Better that than rat poison for his little baby.

“Aww, oh no? Are you having a stomach bug?? Don’t worry, I’ll make it all better.”

That’s the sick part. He genuinely believes it’s better locked in the shack for you. Why wouldn’t it be?? He’ll spoil you with all the care and love a child deserves, not to mention he will be sure to intellectually stimulate your brain as well.

You’ll see. He’ll be the perfect father for you.

[shortie-stack]

I've seen a lot of posts comparing Bill and Ford (and for good reason, they are very much parallels and foils to each other) but I haven't seen as much exploring how Bill and Stan mirror each other. Where Bill saw Ford as a tool and maybe even sympathized with him because of their shared experiences (outcast by their peers for traits beyond their control, hungry for knowledge and prestige, isolated from friends and family), Bill sees Stan as the embodiment of everything Bill hates about himself. on the website, entering "Stanley" and clicking enter a bunch of times opens up pages from Bill's perspective about how stan defeated him. Bill maintains that Stan didn't actually beat him, that it was Ford's plan, that Stan just got lucky, but we know from the show that that simply isn't true-- it was Stan's plan and it was Stan that defeated him. It's interesting to note that bill is okay with giving Ford the credit for his demise, but Stan? unacceptable. we'll come back to that though.

To Bill, Stan is simultaneously everything he hates about himself and everything he wants to be. When listing all of Stan's faults, Bill calls him a "side character, a resume-inflating, cheap trick loving, past denying overgrown child protected by failure only by a forcefield of denial and shamelessness". who else do we know who ticks all of those boxes? Bill himself is a side character for much of gravity falls in the real world, but in the context of the show this statement shows his fear of not actually being anything special. sure he was powerful in his home dimension, but we see time and time again that there are other beings in other dimensions that are just as, if not more powerful (the axolotl, for instance). Bill takes credit for liberating his dimension when he really didn't, he "honors" his deals through loopholes and turns if phrase, and he shouldn't be throwing stones in a glass house, seeing as he's the one having a temper tantrum. Bill is also deeply disconnected from his past, if him telling us the story of the demise of his home dimension is anything to go by, and only digs himself in a deeper hole through putting on this cheerful, confident, powerful persona. Stan does the same thing, especially as Mr. Mystery. but the thing about Stan is that he grows and changes as the show goes on, while Bill's mindset is perpetual. They both were cut off from their family because of something they did (Stan messing with Ford's project, Bill by destroying his entire dimension), but Stan allows a new family to get close to him and chooses to make sacrifices to make his niece and nephew (and even his employees to some extent) happy. Bill on the other hand, surrounds himself with henchmaniacs, yes-men who just want to party and will follow him as long as he shows them a good time. Every depiction of Bill is a window for him to look through, and with so many in the mystery shack, it's certain that he sees Stanley, the embodiment of everything Bill hates about himself, getting what Bill thinks he could never have. and Bill hates it because it means that if Stan can grow and change and make peace with his past mistakes, it also means that Bill can too. But that would require Bill to actually be vulnerable and endure the pain that confronting your past (many, many) mistakes brings. He would have to acknowledge and accept that his home is gone because of him, that countless lives have been ruined because of him, and that the reason he has never been able to maintain close relationships is solely his fault. But he won't. And as a result, he will always end up alone, a king of ashes.

I think Bill thought of Ford as a way to fill his emptiness because of their similarities, and possibly also because he saw Ford as a form of redemption. Ford was brilliant and good and just like Bill and Bill saw that and may have thought, if he likes me there's no way I'm a monster. in a way, Bill saw Ford as the only one worthy of killing him because if it was Ford it was just a forgone conclusion: Ford hasn't made Bill's mistakes so he is automatically "better" than Bill and Stan, so obviously he could kill Bill. but to have it be Stan means that someone who has messed up in a manner similar to Bill has the capacity to be better. and that shakes Bill to the core.

[chronicallyill-nephilim]

Parallel Dimensions #2

Clone Dipper, cause we all love the clones, long live the clones.

Really, I mean it, because this is the dimension where a clone survives, not Dipper.

So for set up to this timeline, we and our dimension Dipper know that things got out of hand very quickly. Dipper made to many copies of himself and the clones ended up revolting against the original Dipper all wanting their turn to be the real Dipper with Wendy. They tried locking the original in the closest (cause it's a kid show and murder can't always be the first option).

However, where the dimensions differ, "classic" Dipper doesn't realize he can use soda or water against the clones fast enough, and with all of them teamed up against him, they over power him and kill the original.

This leads to them turning on each other because they're all smart enough to know there can only be one Dipper. Dipper 2 (Tyrone) ends up figuring out the soda thing the fastest and he becomes the last Dipper standing.

Dipper 2 (Tyrone)

Reminder, no one else in the shack knew about what Dipper was doing, not even Mabel knew he was cloning himself because unlike other episodes he doesn't need to recruit her for help because he had his clones there to help him and by the time they turned on him and each other it was to late to alert her or anyone else.

Tyrone has to rejoin the family without anyone else knowing anything happened, but he has two very heavy things on his shoulders.

He's not the real Dipper, that Dipper, the one Mabel and everyone else in the shack knew and loved was dead. He was Dipper enough to know they'd never see him as Dipper if he told them, all Mabel would see when she looked at him was the clone that killed her brother. She would never see he still was a part of her brother, or that he still loved her like a sister. He can never tell them.

Secondly, he would have a deathly fear of water and any liquid. Something his family would see as a random and irrational new thing and something he'd be ruthlessly teased for. None-the-less he'd still be afraid because he knows it could kill him.

He also doesn't age, he's just a paper copy of Dipper when he was twelve, so he can't grow up. For the summer it's fine cause neither of them look very different by the end of it, he could even get away with it for another year- late bloomer and all -but two years? three? There's no good explanations to that.

The Beacon

By the time Bill creates the Book of Bill Tyrone has been living in extreme isolation for almost a decade. After Weirdmaggon started and he couldn't hid the truth any longer he had no other choose than to go into hiding, terrified of everything because the world was upside down and literal bubbles of water just floated through the air like giant pockets of death.

His dimension is one of the first the Theraprism sends Bill and Dipper to to fix, because I don't think there's a lot for Bill to learn here but more healing for Dipper to do. Getting to have another conversation with Tyrone like the one he and his Tyrone had on the roof at the end of the night. Bill mainly being around for comic relief this ep.

[nowimjustastranger]

Ok I'm the same person who mentioned how I thought STCMO!Ford and Luna from mlp shared parallels in an earlier ask and now I've finally found time to read through all the asks and got my question answered about Ford relocating a younger Stan to an older Ford :D I'm really glad it's possible!

I know you said in an earlier ask that Ford's never had to save a Stan younger than a toddler before but I keep imagining a scenario in my head (you've successfully given me brain rot) where Ford narrowly saves a newly orphaned infant Stan who was supposed to die with the rest of his family, being only days or possibly even hours old at the time. I feel like that would be the first and maybe only instance where Ford actually grieves (however small and short-lived it be) at the death of his parallel self, given that Ford's typically hostile or indifferent towards them, sometimes even having killed a few terrible ones, but this one was just an innocent little baby.

Anywho, after cleaning up Stanley, tending to any possible wounds, making sure he's safe and well fed and clothed, Ford decides he doesn't have any better choice then to relocate this baby Stanley to be with an older Stanford from a different dimension. And that's what I brought up in my original ask, Ford taking a young Stanley to live with an adult Stanford in his twenties or thirties or even fifties or sixties who had just lost his own Stan and was overwhelmed by grief.

I kept thinking about whether this Ford would go up to Stanford directly and explain what had happened, who he was holding in his arms right now, and that Stanford was to raise this Stanley like a father to a son from now on, or if Ford would simply drop off baby Stanley at Stanford's front door, knock, and then disappear into the shadows and observe from afar (possibly for the next few days) to make sure everything went smoothly. Just imagine that Stanford's reaction to seeing a baby on his front doorstep, picking it up and cradling it and trying to look around for who left it but it's too dark out to see anything, reading the name tag attached to the basket and becoming even more shocked to read his late brother's name. Maybe Ford left an anonymous note attached to the basket in that scenario that had an ominous, threatening vibe to it as it gave him instructions on what to do going forward now that he had his Stanley back.

I feel like despite the initial confusion and maybe panic Stanford would absolutely melt holding the small baby in his arms and would comply without a moment of further hesitation. And I kind of wonder how being a father would reform this Stanford who let his original brother die. If it would teach him humility, or prioritizing his baby, or learning to be gentle, affectionate, and nurturing for a growing Stanley. I guess Ford would have to do frequent check ups on this household.

I know it probably can't happen bc no babies but I couldn't get it out of my head without spilling it out onto paper. I thought it would be a cool/interesting scenario.

I know people have a soft spot for Dad Stanley, I fear I happen to be a sucker for Dad Stanford lol. One and a half Stans is probably my favorite Gravity Falls AU ever.

Ok that's all, I have yapped your ear off at this point. Have a good day/night!

Honestly? I like both Dad Stan and Dad Ford pretty equally. There's so much room for growth with both brothers when it comes to being the father they never had! I probably won't make this concept a mini series since I already have a dad au, but I would be willing to answer asks about 24yo Dad Ford (whose brother died on the streets) with a Baby Stan and do fic requests when my inbox is open to them. For now though, I'm gonna share my thoughts on this scenario!

Ford 419"3 would approach Ford Xi11-5 with baby Stan from dimension J0\65 after saving him from a home invasion that the rest of his family sadly didn't survive, Ford had barely gotten there in time to stop one of the assailants from killing Stan via smothering with a pillow. Ford killed them all and left with a wailing baby Stan, locating the best match for the infant.

Ford Xi11-5 would most likely refuse at first, insisting that he had work to focus on and had no time to raise a child, even if that child was his own brother. He would be like Ford 419"3 in the sense that he's been consumed by his work, internally terrified that he would only fail his brother again if he took in the child. Because him? raising a kid? Laughable at best and disastrous at worst.

Ford 419"3 would be having none of that shit, simply depositing baby Stan onto the porch and stalking off, telling Ford Xi11-5 that he could either take baby Stan or leave the infant to succumb to the elements. Ford Xi11-5 is understandably horrified and furious, but he doesn't know that the deceptively ordinary basket that the baby is in is actually alien tech and would keep the child warm and safe.

So, it's basically one of 419"3 Ford's tests.

Ford Xi11-5 would just stand on the porch, unable to go inside and leave the baby on the porch for anyone or anything to get ahold of. And, with several vulgar insults, he would begrudgingly snatch the basket and carry baby Stan inside. Ford would find a sizable crate of baby supplies at his door a few minutes later along with an ominous note warning him not to try and hand baby Stan off to anyone else or Ford 419"3 would be paying him a visit.

Needless to say, Ford resigned himself to taking care of baby Stan until adulthood. First thing on the agenda would be filling out the paperwork that Ford 419"3 left him, giving Stan a new identity. After some consideration, Ford would name the baby Thomas Lee Pines (after Thomas Edison, who was a key figure in the invention of the lightbulb), though Ford would take to calling him "Tommy" as a nickname. Ford's terms of endearment for Tommy would be "Darling" and "Dear" because he's a total softy and no one can convince me otherwise.

[k9ninedecay]

i think about the better world/parallel dimension so much, man, like what happened to stanley after he left with that journal ? is he just off on a boat running away again still homeless ? did stan and Ford have a small reconciliation, did stan come back after leaving with that journal? WHAT ABOUT EMMA MAY AND TATE ?? DID FIDDS STILL ABANDON THEM, did fiddleford not have the memory gun, or did he not have a chance to really use it when Parallel Ford went to reconnect with fiddleford ?

im pretty sure the parallel world is just supposed to show how our ford thinks its all amazing and "better" because he got what he think he wanted in the end ( recognition , fame , someone who changed the scientific world ) but in reality the parallel world is kinda sad to me guys idk 😭 in that world ford never got to reunite with his brother. ( from what we know ) granted, the apocalypse never happened, and Ford didn't have to wipe stans memories, but they didn't even get to reunite like they did in our version of Gravity Falls. Did Tate ever come down to gravity falls to meet his father ? did Emma May and Tate move to Oregon to be with Fidds? did they still divorce because Emma, your husband MIGHT just be queer. I have so much going on in my brain over this au it makes me crazy

[cracklinhaze]

🦃🍁🍂 Pines Family Holiday Headcanons 🦃🍁🍂

listen, the twins definitely don't leave piedmont for thanksgiving often, but if they got to go up to gravity falls for the holidays one year, here's some headcanons for you. yum yum. eat up.

-------------

༄ melody and soos clear out the living/dining room of the mystery shack to set up a big table for everyone. it's very homey and warm.

༄ as soon as the grunkles hear that their kiddos are coming to gravity falls, they dock their boat because hell no they're not missing them.

༄ wendy sometimes sneaks away from her own family for a little bit because stan lets her have a beer underage.

༄ melody cooks, but soos insists on finishing up once she's been on her feet too long (he loves his pregnant wife).

༄ mabel and stan make tons of bets -- like stupid, petty bets all night long. who goes for seconds first (soos and dipper). who spills their drink (stan). how many times ford will bring up that the Parallel Earth Dimension doesn't celebrate a colonizing holiday (at least four).

༄ dipper actually takes a shower??!

༄ mabel's favorite dish is the sweet potatoes with the marshmallows on top. she just eats the marshmallows.

༄ after dinner, stan, soos, and mabel collapse on the couch and watch shitty christmas movies. dipper, melody, and ford go outside on a long walk.

༄ waddles parks himself in the kitchen hoping someone will drop food on the floor while they're cooking. stan comments on how the pig acts more like a dog every year.

༄ the mystery twins will never get over how easy it is to talk to everyone in gravity falls versus piedmont. once you know the supernatural exists and survive an apocalypse together, trying to celebrate family with anyone else falls flat.

---

i know this time of year can be weird, especially for queer folks. you're all loved and welcome at this table. hugs.

[xx-slug-xx]

Gravity Falls just made me read Flatland smh

Can’t lie, my sci-fi and science based autism enjoyed it quite a lot

If you haven’t read it, I do recommend since it has SO many parallels between Bill and Fords relationship. The pdf is free if you google it! Really cool part of science fiction literature when it was developing, so it’s a good read on its own anyway!

Plus, the part that’s really important, it really gives us a better look at Bill’s home dimension, how Euclidia’s society operated, and why it was oppressive for Bill! I don’t think Flatland IS Euclidia, but it shares so many similarities that it’s got to be extremely close at the least!

If you can’t read old timey sci-fi literature because it’s confusing (it’s confusing for most people who don’t have science autism lmao and I’m not trying to make it seem like only smart people understand shit like that /lh). Let me know bc I’m dying to translate it so that modern brains can comprehend it! It’s so silly but also really cool and I’m having a great time!!!

[24bughours]

Book of Bill spoilers part 2 (edited)

Something I haven't seen anyone mention yet: Bill's entire backstory in the 2D dimension is directly inspired by *Edwin Abbott Abbott's Flatland* (almost word for word up until Bill destroys the entire dimension). It made me giggle when I realized, because the outfit Carl Sagan wears in his explanation of Flatland on "Cosmos" is the same outfit that inspired Ford's design.

Abbott's Flatland was also referenced in Journal 3, when Ford visited a similar 2D dimension to Bill's. He appeared in their world as an irregular shape, which is taboo. (In Carl's explanation, Ford = the three dimensional apple that creates a strange stamp on Flatworld and drives people mad)

I think this appears multiple times to provide

1. An explanation for WHY Bill became crazy. It's specified in Flatland that 2D shapes fully understanding the third dimension is near impossible, the same way we can't fully understand a 4D object unless it manifests into a 3D object (a tesseract's shadow = cube)

2. A parallel to Fiddleford's experience with Bill in the portal. We could use the Flatland explanation to describe what happens to a human when they see a fourth dimensional creature. (Bill is a fourth dimensional creature and the forms we witness in the series are his "apple stamp" or shadow in the third dimension.) Poor Fidds saw something impossible to comprehend

idk how large the intersection between Gravity Falls fans and Carl Sagan fans is, so i figured it wouldn't hurt to post this. I <3 Carl

Edit: Corrected some mistakes with crediting and wording

[words-with-wren]

I'm thinking about a Gravity Falls au where both Stan and Ford end up through the portal but get separated most immediately in the chaos of the Nightmare Realm and each pop out somewhere else.

And then the next couple of decades they both become dimension hoppers, wandering the multiverse in an oddly parallel way but never running into each other. And they're both kind of mad at each other because their fight was never finished, but every time they see a sign of the other they feel a little relief.

They keep getting confused for each other as well. Their ransoms and wanted posters blur, and people keep asking what happened to Stan's fingers. (Ford stumbles across the one dimension that realises they're two different people--Stan's wanted poster has a higher reward and in the corner, written in their old childhood code, is a gloating message)

[tinfoil-jones]

Jerk Ford AU: Silliness IV

Jerk Ford's behaviour was way worse while he was in the multiverse because while he was in his own dimension, Stan was there to keep him from going too far, and to mediate his interactions with other people when it came to important business.

Once he fell through the portal? Completely unrestrained.

Here's a small list of some of things he's done across the multiverse:

Un-sunk the mythical City of Atlantis to get back at a 'sh*tty tourist company'

Lifetime ban from all Space Waffle House locations across time and space for inciting a riot because a waitress kept calling him 'honey'.

Had someone legally assigned to permanent Cosmic Jury Duty.

Sowing the seeds of an extremely invasive and fast-growing varient of cucumber all over a large city in the Cat Dimension.

Not giving his two weeks notice at Space Hooters.

Infecting a galaxy-encompassing digital records archive with a virus that changed every third noun with the word 'dick'.

Invading a weed farm on a parallel Earth and replacing the 'mother plant' that all of the other weed plants were cloned from with a strain of marijuanna thats identical in every way, except it produces no THC.

Impersonated one of the Bounty Hunter versions of Ford so he could fake his own death, collect the bounty for himself from the Ford Hate Club, crash the party they threw to celebrate, and then slip away right as the real Bounty Hunter Ford showed up to report that he'd failed to capture Jerk Ford.

---

Remember how in a reverse portal what-if Jerk Ford told Fiddleford he would blow up the planet if he didn't help him rebuild the portal? And Fiddleford called his bluff?

Imagine you're Bill Cipher, and an oddly calm Stanford Pines tells you that in three days, he's going to blow up the Nightmare Realm with you in it.

So you laugh, because he's bluffing.

Two days later, it turns out he wasn't bluffing about blowing up the Nightmare Realm with you in it.

He was bluffing about giving you a third day, because he's a jerk like that.

---

Boss Music? This guy isn't much of a fighter, he isn't a boss fight. It isn't hard to finish a fight with him because he's impossible to beat in a hand-to-hand fight - he isn't very strong compared to most versions of Ford Pines- it's hard to finish a fight with him because he's slippery. He's just going to escape and run if he doesn't think he can win.

If I were to give him a theme song or something, it'd probably be Dangerous by Jorge Rivera-Herrans. Mostly because of the "I have to get home" sentiment.

You have to ignore the fact that he didn't actually get himself home, just like canon Ford his brother had to fix the portal to bring him back.

Bro was at least trying to get back home.

Here's a Jerk Ford Playlist by @tearosepedall:

---

Actually, the reverse portal scenario doesn't go quite the way you think it does.

Jerk Ford has to pretend to be Stanley. A school teacher. A resident of society that Gravity Falls actually loves. When he's been an active menace to society his whole life.

Stanley gets shoved into an unforgiving multiverse full of monsters, demons, aliens, and versions of his brother who project their resentment and anger towards their actual twin onto him instead as a proxy.

And they both ask themselves: "What would my brother do in this situation?"

Anyways, this is what happens with Stanley:

And this is what happens with Jerk Ford:

---

Fun fact: Jerk Ford is the reason there's no gnome queen.

While he was studying the gnomes during his researcher years in Gravity Falls, he discovered that the Gnomes only had one female, who was their queen by default.

Anyways he talks to her about how her greatest ambition in life shouldn't be having a hundred husbands and being barefoot and pregnant forever. No, her greatest ambition in life should be being one of the greatest hat models the world has ever known.

Anyways now she lives in New York, she may or may not also be a drug lord in the pixie dust cartel.

Soos, Mabel, and Dipper tried asking the mail box questions once.

It sent them a really long, angry, rambling letter starting with "What the f*ck did you just f*cking say about me, you little b*tch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals,"

Later on Dipper asked Ford about it, and he reveals that he traumatized the entity on the other side of the mailbox by sending it the question "is your refrigerator running?" every day for almost six years straight.