#guy who is half of the protagonist and is denied the right to be live as his own person because of it

[dreamsy990]

honestly i think i was destined to be a kh fan since my favorite character type is guys with severe identity issues

[sorcerersandskillusers]

A look at the struggles Atsushi faces throughout the series, and how he grows to resent the justice he was forced to learn. As well as his connections and contrasts with Akutagawa.

Atsushi is very different from a typical protagonist, who try's to save everybody they can, and never wants to kill anyone. Because he didn't develop this mindset from an inspiring, kind mentor; or from some innate sense of justice, or even from just his own hardships.

It was literally beaten into him through his whole childhood.

graphic depiction of abuse ahead:

Atsushi is compelled to help people. I defiantly think part of it is that he is just a kind person in general, but It is also a compulsion that he cannot refuse.

He is forced to disregard his own feelings and safety, he suffers so much pain, but he can never refuse, which is why he views it as a curse.

In BSD killing is not treated with the same 'good people can never, ever be willing to kill someone' that a lot of shows treat it as.

The entire ADA minus Kunikida was willing to try and kill Mori to save Fukuzawa. Fukuzawa has killed in the past, and told Kunikida to shoot Dazai if he sensed any evil in his heart(Dazai Osamu's Entrance Exam). Kunikida has been shown to be willing to kill if absolutely necessary

I point this out to show that Atsushi's refusal to kill is not just 'because he's a good guy and would never do that'. We see in BEAST that, if twisted a bit, he can be made to kill without hesitation. His refusal to kill comes from a much darker place, and makes him a perfect foil to...

Akutagawa.

Akutagawa and Atsushi have incredibly similar histories, It's literally spelled out in BEAST that the two of them have more in common then they have with anyone else. Both children raised in hell. But there was one key difference, The value they saw in the lives of others.

I've already talked about how Atsushi was raised to think that his own life had no worth, and only the lives of others mattered. But for Akutagawa it was the opposite. He grew up in the slums, where every stranger was a potential threat to him, his friends and sister. He had to learn to kill without hesitation, and to see no value in anyone else's life.

Dazai only made this worse, telling Akutagawa that if he couldn't defeat anyone in his path, that he had no right to live. And brutally punishing any sign of weakness.

Both Akutagawa and Atsushi search desperately for validation, and the right to keep living. They walk on opposite sides of a mirror, each only seeing half the picture, neither willing to see themself in the other.

Which is why they can both show the other exactly what they need to see.

The two of them hate each other so much because they are the same ,they each embody what the other most hates about himself and this is why they can each teach to other to overcome that hatred and to see the whole picture they were both denied as children.

Their growth over this past few arcs; with The death of the orphanage director, Akutagawa that killing everything won't solve all his problems, Atsushi having to stand up and pull himself together to save the ADA.

Akutagawas greatest flaws were his short-sightedness, and inability to see beyond himself and learn from his mistakes.

While Atsushi's greatest flaws were his crippling anxiety and indecision, as well as inability to let go of his past.

Opposite ends of the same spectrum, so now they must guide each other to the middle and find a balance.

Finally, the 'promise not to kill anyone for six months' with this, Atsushi is showing Akutagawa the value that can be seen in the lives of others. We see this in the security guard Akutagawa spared being the one to distract Fukuchi and let Atsushi escape. Akutagawa seems to have truly grown a lot since he and Atsushi last saw each other. But what about Atsushi?

Spoilers for chapter 107:

I think that Atsushi will kill Akutagawa. We know that Akutagawa died before he was converted into a vampire, and with his lung condition being established just before then, even if they find a way to revert him, he would still be nearly at the end of his life.

I think that Akutagawa will probably temporarily regain control of his body, but be unable to revert fully, so he will ask Atsushi for that duel he promised him. It would even parallel Atsushi "killing" Shibusawa in TDA, since both were technically already dead to begin with.

Atsushi taught Akutagawa how to value lives, and the patience to consider his actions and Akutagawa will teach Atsushi the conviction to take them and how overcome the guilt he feels within himself. each one going from black and white, to grey.

[bramblepatch]

yeah im leaning heavily towards starting with icewind dale, i think itd be fun to start with seeing how drizzt is characterized before being designated giga series protagonist, without me already knowing a lot about the gang. but i suspect if i make it through one book at all, i'm going to read at least both of those trilogies eventually.

i've read a bunch of salvatore stuff as a kid (there was a thing with a nerd who lives at a library and then becomes the chosen of god and defeats his father and his father's boss or something? very aspirational. first time i heard "forgotten realms". and another thing with a guy who is raised by sword fairies to basically become aragorn i think. some other stuff. it's inexplicable i never got into drizzt books except maybe the local bookstore hated drow) so i feel like i roughly know what to expect in terms of tropeyness. i was present for i wanna say the latter half? second third? of the dragon heist thing but we didn't engage with jarlaxle much, in my mind he was just an inconvenient antagonist guy and being surprised that y'all are so into him is a good part of why i started paying attention to the drizzt posting. we did want to steal his hat though.

does all the drizzt stuff hold up or does salvatore eventually start phoning it in? is there like ongoing character arc things or do the character arcs happen in the first few books (i hate saying it like this) and the rest is kinda The Further Adventures Of style?

ty!!

Oh cool! If you've read his Cleric Quintet, some of the characters from that show up in the Drizzt books, too.

Personally, I think the later books hold up? This is kind of a controversial opinion in some parts of the fandom, and I won't deny that there are parts of the series that wallow a little, but it's not because Salvatore has run out of things to do with the characters, it's because he takes their trauma seriously and sometimes that means spending a while with a character who is straight up not having a good time right now. And this is compounded by the fact that Drizzt is a very young elf at the start of the series; around the middle there's an editorially mandated time skip and Drizzt goes from a traumatized teen who is coping through the Power of Friendship to a traumatized young adult who has outlived most of his mentor figures. There is a definite tone shift, is what I'm saying.

I think they're still really good, and Drizzt does eventually regain his equilibrium. The later parts of the series are also increasingly an ensemble act, with Jarlaxle and Bregan D'aerthe taking more of the spotlight. If you went up against the magnificent bastard (affectionate)(also derogatory) in Dragon Heist, you've had a taste for what it's like to be on the receiving end of his shenanigans, and yeah, that's frustrating. (My WDDH party actually ended up allying ourselves with him, and he still manages to be deeply annoying sometimes.) But he can be really fun to watch work when he's not messing with you, and he's a great foil to Drizzt. A lot of the time Drizzt just wants to be left alone to live a life that's not defined by his origins; Jarlaxle is all about drow solidarity and bringing what he's built with him.

[wygolvillage]

the way the warrior code has always been presented in the books is so fascinating to me because... its unjust and always has been. the books simultaneously seem to know this and deny it. i have Complicated Feelings about it

even from the first arc, we’ve got silverstream tragically dying and graystripe’s crisis of loyalty due to the couple being technically illegal, half-clan cats being injustly targeted during tigerstars reign, firestar breaking the code to feed yellowfang, who herself broke the code, and going behind bluestars back to do whats right. bluestar and her kits, too, were victimized by the restrictions of the warrior code. even firestars unresolved feelings for spottedleaf apply. and sympathy almost always falls upon the codebreakers and half-clan cats. theyre almost always in the right. and yet still the subtext of always having faith in starclan, the code being just and honorable and what seperates them from just being pack of rogues, is still very present.

in arc 2 our protagonists, who grow to become friends, are shortly afterwards seperated once the journeys over and its presented as tragic that they have to be split by clan loyalty. its an arc about how the clans must come together and unite in times of crisis... and yet at the end of the day, they must be seperated because StarClan Says So!!! this bleeds into arc 3, really, since its so connected to what happens in arc 2. lives are nearly ruined over the restrictive nature of the warrior code. squirrelflight does whats right even if it means crossing societal boundaries by raising her sisters kits, and the revelation that the three are leafpool’s is seen as so catastrophic that someone gets LITERALLY MURDERED to prevent it from getting out. leafpool even says that she finds death preferable to facing all the consequences the warrior code would impose on her for simply having fallen in love. hollyleaf, the one most adherent to the code as a moral guide, has to reckon with realizing that it technically forbids her existence, as well as that the three are, inherently, kind of above it since they hold more power than starclan, their religious authority. this is a Thing in power of three... and then arc 4 veers hard back into StarClan Is Always Right. its a straightforward good vs evil story and starclan are “the good guys”

i dont have that much to say on DOTC because the code hadn’t been established yet, but i do think its interesting that clear sky’s closed borders and territorialism, which is very close to modern clan tradition, is seen as unreasonable and restrictive by the other characters (it is, the divisions between clans are very arbitrary). i dont have much to say on AVOS either tbh other than that it does kind of have a “the youth dont respect tradition!!1!!!” undercurrent. “see if you undermine authority everyone is going to die and get killed by rogues!!!!” though interestingly we do get to see some cats change clans to be with who they love, like dovewing.

and then we get to TBC and ASC, which are interesting in that the code is being dismantled. a starclan cat, ashfur, the villain of TBC, uses it to leverage power against cats he dislikes by labeling them as codebreakers, the main romance of the arc is forbidden by the code (and this is presented as a tragedy that they could never get to be together). starclan encourages them to change the code, and it does criticize the way clan society, well.... works. and ASC is going to be about all the ways the code will be changed and altered! awesome! and yet i still dont think theyve gone far enough. ashfur being a starclan cat who exploits his position as a religious guide (and eventually as leader) is presented as an outlier, a mistake, not a “real” starclan cat (which is bullshit). dead cats who were once evil but switched sides in TPONS and ALITM arent allowed to leave the Evil Torment Dimension despite having fought to save the clans and showed genuine change, because “starclan said so, they dont make mistakes, especially not when they sent you to the dark forest lol”. its a bewildering decision and i wish they just decided to make starclan kind of morally questionable Explicitly. they keep dancing around this idea and never going hard with it. and i could go on and on about the unfair starclan trial in squirrelflights hope and all that but this post is long enough...

idk how to conclude this other than... i wish this was all intentional, that the erins had conceived the clans as a deeply flawed society that the protagonists try to navigate within and eventually dismantle, rather than kind of accidentally backflipping into having created a restrictive, shitty place without meaning to. the code throughout the series has caused tragedy after tragedy and yet solved very little. if this was an intentional narrative about questioning tradition and the constraints of society, warrior cats would be literally incredible! but in practice it reads like the erins trying to have their cake and eat it too. it makes warriors really weird to read as an adult with a critical eye. i KEPT noticing this over and over when i reread the series last year. hopefully ASC will develop these ideas further

[i-donot-forget]

Eldarya Ep 7 (opinion)

Episode 7!!!! They gave us a nice ball, a nice dress and a nice moment with our LI (Discounting some details in the illustrations that I already mentioned before) the episode was very good, it is a clear transition, that little respite before everything goes wrong again.

Eldarya has always been a different otome, because the story does not revolve around the protagonist and her love story, it is about the protagonist saving the fucking world, the moments with our route have always been scarce and interrupted, remember that in TO until episode 17 we have the first date, from then on things go too fast and finally it cannot be said that we really got to know any of our romantic interests, an exception for Valkyon but I think it's obvious why. New Era has a great advantage, we already know these guys (except Mathieu but we have that connection of "hey we are both from earth"), we already know who they are, we already know this world, now falling in love will be "faster" than in a way it's good because we already saw that when Erika realizes that she feels something for someone, she goes after him (I love her for that, I couldn't ahahaha) and so we come to this episode, after the beautiful moment on the boat where we realize that we feel something for that special boy.

But this is Eldarya so...

the damn world is going to end again and Nevra is ready for war, I know it sounds ugly but I find it absolutely correct, if the earth is going to absorb Eldarya... They are lost, I cannot imagine any scenario in which the humans of the earth welcome all of Eldarya with open arms, that is, let's face it, how many countries are there where immigrants are a plague for a certain portion of the population? I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I'm just saying it's like that and with the Eldaryans it will be worse. People like Huang Hua, Huang Chu, might go unnoticed, but Koori??? Lance???? What will humans think when Chrome is in trouble and can't control himself with Earth's Moon, how are Nevra and Karenn going to live with Earth's Sun that is lethal to them??? I can only think it's going to be a disaster, besides, how does this "absorption" work? Will the portals get bigger and bigger until eldarya disappears? Will everything fall from the sky? because clearly earth will not be the most affected... Humans are dangerous, our history of clash between cultures is always to exterminate the unknown and in this case it will be fatal for both factions but if you ask me, humans are not going to become extinct...

With all of that in mind, I'm not surprised that Lance had his head elsewhere and forgot about his clothes... but hey, it was a funny moment that made me think that we still don't know the real Lance and that attitude is just the same one that Valkyon adopted after Lance's "death"...

The moment of meditation with Leiftan was painful… now I understand many things, and I believe that all his sufferings and the loss of his powers is something mental. All the confidence that Leiftan had in himself resided in his powers, in TO he was at the top, he was the most powerful being in Eldarya and he handled everyone like simple puppets, he was confident, capable of everything, the first time we saw him desperate was after losing half his life (for us), now in NE ufff he tells us, he feels vulnerable, helpless, incomplete, without identity, If everything you were was based on your strength and power, who are you without it? Despite everything, I think it started very well, Leiftan tells us the truth, for the first time he trusts something of the utmost importance in us, the fact that he is now defenseless implies many things, Lance remains on the guard because of his power and abilities which is very useful, the same could apply to Leiftan but without his powers he could believe that the HQ would not want him (although in TO nobody knew he was a daemon). He confides in us a secret that is vital to him, reveals his vulnerability and I must say that I love him too much, when he tells us that he feels exactly the same as we do when we talk to him about our powers, he finally opens up to us and then the hug melted my heart. Now that he no longer has (and cannot) protect us, our relationship will be different.

The ball, I am not surprised that Princess Koori organized a ball, Huang Hua's speech was extremely touching, my heart clenched when she mentioned those who had left, I couldn't help but think of Valkyon... Now is the time to dance and I am fascinated by how Erika takes the reins and invites her LI, here we part.

Mathieu: adorable nothing to say, I love them, his route is pure laughter and games and fun, I really like Mathieu, I did not trust him but their moments together are sooo sweet, we see him as the center of attention, something very about him but naturally, it does not attract attention forcibly, they really are standing out for what they are, everything is very nice, a great dance, I think that at the point where they left the scene, I would believe in a kiss, not passionate or anything but a first kiss all cute, nervous and natural.

Nevra: I love that he's waiting for us, I think they already act like boyfriend and girlfriend without wanting to say it hahahaha and I love him, Nevra want us and loves us, he doesn't say it but he shows it only with his actions, I still feel like he's going to scare at the key moment, I feel that he keeps many things that explode in that uncompromising anger, I wait for a very intimate moment between them that makes me cry I want to see him cry, I know he needs it, I know he needs Erika to hug him and tell him that everything it will be fine, he needs someone to be the strong one.

Lance: the moment is very nice I cannot deny it, it is beautiful, Lance's reaction to Erika's invitation is great and again I love her determination, it struck me that Lance does know how to dance, but an old-fashioned dance, that just means that In his previous time in the guard of eel he did dance, I always imagined him as the popular cool boy that everyone follows, I'm still waiting to see that, I already want to break that shell and get the real Lance out.

Leiftan: Ahhhh my beautiful baby I leave him at the end because it is my route and I love him and I can't help but fangirl very hard for him. Erika dragging him to the dance floor imitating Karenn, I loved it, Erika helping Leiftan with his confidence and security, I super loved it, the inevitable attraction between them that is so strong that the moment screams that they will kiss, I cannot express my emotion, I love him I can't stop loving him and I just want they to be alone to see the damn connection in all its glory 7u7

So I wait for the catastrophe in the next episode, I still don't know if it will be a portal opening in the middle of the crystal room or if it will be the crystal itself that does something idk, surprise me beemoov

[scrawnytreedemon]

Shit I’ve Been Winding Up For A Long Time Now But Am Very Aware Will Probably Hold No Relevance Should I Actually Go Into This More--

This is about Bhunivelze.

I.

You know, when I was chilling out, on my bed, that evening on that half term in early June, deciding to check up on ClementJ64′s FF retrospective because-- Hey! It’s been awhile, I wonder if he’s got around to doing the final bit of the FFXIII saga --You know, I was there, chilling, just for a laff. Just a laff.

The rest of that week was spent spiralling into a hyperfixation I absolutely did not anticipate in any way, shape, or form, because the way they introduced that character was “wwhdhfjjhHJDFJKHKJHW H A T??”

That retrospective and a good amount of wiki-scrounging is all I have as a basis for this. This is not a coherent character analysis-- Though I might tag it as that for ease of access. This is not, by any means, the thoughts of someone deeply familiar with FFXIII on the whole beyond plot synopses and overarching themes.

I don’t think I’m brave enough for that.

Reading the vast yet surface-deep lore on those wiki pages on my birthday while in a delirious state of mind was enough to make me somewhat nauseous.

Do you think I’m going to go through all of that in real time?

(Someday, someday.)

Ugh, I don’t know how to begin, but let us, I guess. I’d recommend you read this church-mime-demiurge’s FF Wiki page if you want the same level of base-knowledge I had, and maybe the aformentioned retrospective if you want the experience, because I don’t think I have the wherewithal to get into all of that from the bottom-up.

I am also, so, so fucking sorry for any remaining FFXIII fans in advance. There is like, a good chance I may be butchering the characterisation completely, so bear with me here.

With that... we begin?

Where do we even start with this guy?

How on earth to you begin to explain the absolute monolith you’ve constructed from crumbs of a Guy, some material no doubt spliced in from the Pale King, Sephiroth, y o u r  o w n  G o d  O C and other characters, and the mountains of religious trauma you carry around at all times that is probably the only reason you’ve been able to latch on as hard as you did?

I’m going to try.

What gets me, in summary, about Bhunivelze is how he’s a prime example of how love and concern can become deadly forces if in the wrong hands. His first acquainting with human emotion was by deceiving and possessing Hope, reverting his body to a teenage state, and planning to live among humanity through him. He sees human sorrow and suffering, and decides that, to End This(because it must be ended, you see) he’s going to destroy all the souls of the deceased that make up the Chaos that’s been eating this world for the past five-hundred years so they all forget and Are Happy. :).

Capital G God here hasn’t been present for the vast part of human history because he’s hidden himself away from Everything due to paranoia from killing his own mother and throwing her body into the Cosmic Basement, THEN creating the beings that would come to create humanity and OTHER beings because he didn’t have the keys to the cosmic basement. And also he believes death is a thing because she’d’ve somehow cursed all things to pass(including him) out of Spite.

Which explains why he’s so fucking averse to it and anything to do with it.

Bhunivelze, to put it lightly, is Shit at stepping into others’ shoes and Getting their experiences-- All the FalCie in FFXIII are, but him especially. It’s clear(again, in the f u c k i n g JP--) that he makes attempts to sympathise with them and does what he can to help, but it’s with such a loftiness and a complete inability to Understand why anyone would want grief, The Worst Fucking Experience In Existence, and even less why they’d be willing to Go Up Against Him And HisThe New Perfect World just for it-- And what would it matter, anyway, forgetting their loved ones. It’s not like you can grieve lost memories, right?

Right.

It reminds me of when at the end of the story of Job in the Bible, where, after putting this man through hell on earth, God rewards Job by giving him ten new children to make up for the ones that he lost. I. And that’s fucked! Nothing can replace the sheer uniqueness of each individual person you loved so dearly! But if you were a nigh-omnipotent deity high and mighty, with a cursory, almost mechanical knowledge on the functionings of the human psyche, that would seem adequete; enough.

Bhunivelze is doing that on a cosmic level.

I now want to get onto the romance: that being, his affections for Lightning. I don’t know how much I’m going to say, but it’ll probably be alot. It’s something that hits very close to home.

There is this... thing, within certain branches of Christianity, perhaps even in those of various Abrahamic faiths, where God’s love is posited to be the love-- The ultimate, most-fulfilling, all-encompassing love you could ever imagine --Because, well, he is love, so the story goes, and so often the best way to convey that is through the imagery of...

Marriage.

Giving up yourself so completely, to serve, to be the Bride; to be bound by him for all eternity; and for there to be no higher bliss than this.

This angle is pushed on young girls and women the most; from the mere parallels to the woman’s role in marriage, all the way down to downright-horrifying ultra-Evangelical purity pacts. With men, God is your dad, your best bud and confidant, your boss, your king, your this, your that, and the ‘marriage‘ as it were is relegated to a sort of half-thought; a metaphor.

For me, God was an attempt at all that, and my arranged groom.

(It was almost incestuous; was incestuous, that my own Divine Father would reach for my hand in marriage.)

Bhunivelze experiences Emotions™ for the first time through Hope, experiences Hope’s sheer overwhelming admiration for Lighting(whether there were any baby-crush feelings mixed in, I can’t say), and promptly falls into a nigh-romantic obsession with Lightning, deciding that she will be Etro(his all-but daughter)’s replacement, will be his Goddess of Death to-be-- He even calls her as such, before the final boss-battle--

...In the JP.

What happened in localisation, probably due to a number of factors, all the way back in early 2014, was that everything emotionally challenging about Bhunivelze was scraped off, like it was extra fat, and tossed aside, leaving us with the bland, clichéd shell of a foe-god we’ve seen time and time again. And I mean everything. I mean his very love for humanity; the fact his ploy was, in his eyes, to save them. Because if they’d left that all on, then it would raise the question of even if there was such a seemingly pure, all-knowing, loving being hell-bent on setting things “straight,“ would they truly be unquestionable? Would we have the right to fight for our humanity in the face of the Creator of the Universe?

To reject a love so personal?

That’s what gets me about FFXIII’s tackling of God, no matter how hackneyed and poorly-executed. It’s personal.

It’s from a feminine experience.

I know that terming is... vague, and problematic, but the way Christianity and much of the video game industry handle femininity itself is weird and problematic, so as it stands, I’ll have to simplify it. Apologies.

What sets FFXIII’s Let’s Kill God™ plot aside from most JRPG Let’s Kill God™ plots is that with our protagonist being a woman, and one who is very in touch with her femininity alongside her sheer strength; often, in these stories, God is reduced to Yet Another Foe, expected or unexpected, and you are tasked with taking him down unquestioningly for the Good of Mankind-- You will fight God, because you are right to, and you will go man-to-man-to-however-many-men you decide to bring along for the bloodbath.

And that just, doesn’t speak to me.

Even as an Extian.

Especially as an Extian. And an AFAB one with a deeply complicated experience with my gender, at that.

Leaving Christianity was painful. Questioning God was painful. Coming to terms with the fact that I had been mentally, emotionally, and spiritually traumatised under the guise of All-Encompassing Love was so, so fucking painful. I had been taught since I was five years old to devote myself to him, spent my life desperate to feel something, anything, to stay connected because I just, I never could Feel It on a deeper level, never could Give Up Myself, all I was, couldn’t Die A Spiritual Death And Be Reborn As His Eager Vessel, thus deeming myself to be worthless and a broken vessel for years and years on end... And for all that to have been... Nothing.

Lightning is hollowed out, the shards of her dead sister ripped from her in-stasis, leaving her emotionally numb for the majority of the game, Bhunivelze sweeps it under the rug, pretends he’ll perform a miracle and return Serah to life in exchange for her compliance, then sends her on her way to do his work, all the while knowing he’s going to pull said-rug from under her and elevate her such dizzying heights in the aftermath--

That he’ll deny her humanity.

Sand down all the rough edges that make her her, and polish her up afterwards, gild her as he is gilded, make her a Goddess.

And he’ll do it all because he loves her.

You can’t fight God like you can everything else. To fight It is the fight Existence Itself; FFXIII even conveys that by making Bhunivelze’s model part of the arena; it’s baked into the fabric of the game, no matter how minute.

While Lightning Returns is far from perfect in its execution of this concept, and that in itself makes me wince, not even taking into account the horribly botched excuse for a localisation Bhunivelze endured, it speaks to me more than anything else I’ve seen so far.

And it’s helped uncover some things within me. Helped me untangle them, just a little more.

So, yeah. I have alot of Thoughts on Bhunivelze, I want to share them, and I’m kinda really sad I have no one but my currently-absent friend Vee to share them with. I could get into alot more, like his very Fucked relationship with familial bonds, and how Lightning’s role as saviour so deeply parallels the overwhelming panic and never-ending guilt of Evangelical proselytisation, but I think I’ll leave those for another time.

In short, Bhunivelze is the epitome of Divine Love gone deeply wrong; on all fronts.

And if all of that isn’t enough to intrigue you, then, in Vee’s words, Lightning and Velze are literally canon endgame Sefikura lmaOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--

[generallypo]

[   Constellation ’Director of the False Last Act’ is looking at you.   ]

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dark academia!hsy, yeeee! the white coat is fantastic, but unlike kdj and yjh, she doesn’t really switch up the color scheme. no, her bum-aesthetic purple hoodie does not count. i think she’s super hot. i yell about how much i love her under the cut.

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yo han sooyoung is actually amazing, incredible, powerful, witty, drop-dead sexy... what makes her so irresistible? let me explain

1) yeah, kdj takes the kdj company to end of the scenarios, but please. how many times does he have to kill himself to get there? not to mention his intentional (and unintentional) kill count? 

sure, he does the job, but damn is he kind of inefficient about it. say what you like about hsy’s methods or personality, but the 1863rd round far surpasses the 1864th in terms of the lives preserved while still managing to take the team to the end.

without the benefit of cheat-like knowledge, skills, and resurrections, hsy almost single-handedly orchestrates the events of the 1863rd round to a satisfying finale. kmw, problematic as he is, survives and becomes an admittedly better person, yjh finds a timeline where he can rest in peace, and the rest of the cast have their eyes set on the hopeful end of all scenarios. all this, while only being HALF of a person (hsy originally split off into two after misusing her avatar ability). do her actions lead to the happiest ending? no. but it’s the one that sacrifices the least and saves the most. for the greater good, in other words. 

hsy may be an intrinsically selfish person, but unlike kdj, she has the ability to grasp the entire picture and avoid tunnel-visioning into a crappier, more convoluted and self-sacrificial solution. ironically, it ends up saving more lives. perks of being a talented writer, i guess. 

and the 1864th hsy emerges as a leader in her own right as well. the epilogue arc shows her assuming roughly the same role as her 1863rd self in kdj’s absence: yjh breaks off from the main group (AND BECOMES A TERRORIST AKFDJDSLKSL HAHAHA) to assume a similarly antagonistic role to the remaining members of kdj company. as a result, she’s the most powerful lawful incarnation remaining, and once more the incarnations circle around her for direction.

2) independent, confident, competent (hot and kinda shameless about it). this woman has the most delightfully unrepentant attitude towards life -- how to defeat the man with the strongest defensive ability without dealing a single blow? summon a horde of your naked dancing clones to terrify his innocent sensibilities, and then cackle at his helplessness. the fact that her sponsor is literally the chuuni-est cringefest in the entire galaxy and she gives no fucks about him is just additional comedic gold. her undisguised disgust for what should otherwise be a highly respected/feared entity is a clear indicator of her supremely dominant position over everyone else, and i admire her consistent irreverence of everyone and everything.

hsy is the only character who can consistently bully kdj, brush off his deflections, and bully him again. 1863rd round hsy gives kdj about 50 migraines in the span of 5 minutes of conversation before confirming her superior wit. jhw comes close, but unfortunately, she actually respects the rat bastard. i wish i could mention yjh, but let’s be real: he -- and just about every existing version of him -- has been whipped for the guy for at least 250+ chapters now. 

hsy, on the other hand, has no regard for anything except herself... man, i respect that so much. what a queen. 

and i won’t lie! i didn’t like her in the first fifty or so chapters. plagiarism? homicide? kind-of-in-general-just-being-an-obstacle-to-kdj’s-plans? yeah, i almost fell into the trap of disliking her purely because she didn’t cave immediately in the grand scheme of kdj’s plotting -- thereby denying me the power rush that came with seeing kdj bulldoze his way through the puny attempts of small fry characters. she’s neither a friend nor a despicable foe, but rather someone who acts independently and in her own self-interest, WITH the ability to thwart major players if need be. aka, the one who frustrated kdj’s plans -- and me -- the most. 

going by my previous isekai/power-fantasy trope experience, i figured she’d get pegged into the sexy-but-sassy harem candidate, or get killed off if that didn’t work out. in hindsight, i’m just pretty fucking dumb, but honestly, i can accept that with gratitude -- 

-- because in fact. the whole ‘she-gets-in-my-way-so-she-either-goes-into-the-harem-or-dies’ trope in light novels/webnovels and the like, is, frankly, misogynistic and boring as hell. i had some admittedly low expectations for ORV, which consequently blasted my ass to the moon and left me there sobbing for 42 years as i mourned my stupidity and paid my respects to its incredible ending and character development. hsy is a particular delight, especially in her meta awareness of these tropes -- blatantly stating she isn’t obligated to kdj for saving her life and declaring the damsel-in-distress cliche as ridiculous, for example. 

and it really is, because suspension bridge effect aside, you’re not gonna want to bang a total shady stranger in the middle of the apocalypse. it’s the little statements of self-awareness, self-worth, and frankness that build up hsy’s charm. as ORV progresses, these little windows of her personality bloom as her presence takes stage center -- and then BAM! you really get to know how strong she is, how hugely capable of love she is, how subtly but wonderfully she expresses it, how she leads and protects those close to her, and how damn good she is at it. hsy is amazing. we stan an iconic queen -- no, black flameS EMPRESS. *kneeling*.

3) writes an entire EPIC, just to keep one lonely, broken fifteen-year-old alive. like. at that point in ORV, i knew. i knew. hsy is the fucking GOAT. seeing her spend the rest of her life on WOS, making sure it reaches completion because it’s the only thing that will sustain kdj until the advent of the scenarios... that hits too hard. inadvertently, it also damns the rest of the world to the terror and tragedy that the star stream brings.. but that’s the call she makes in order to save kdj’s life. 

obviously, there’s no precise beginning to the timelines -- ORV is so neatly crafted in its cycle of writer, protagonist, and reader -- but i’d have to argue that hsy holds the greatest power in the trinity. creating the existence known as ‘yoo joonghyuk’ and granting life-changing hope to an otherwise forgotten boy.. is pretty powerful. yjh, for the most part, is a slave to the scenarios (until he breaks free in the 1863rd and 1864th rounds, in particular), while kdj (unwittingly) admits it himself: he’s truly the most powerless god in existence. i forget exactly where he mentions it, but it’s in response to lgy’s reverent commentary that, with all his knowledge and presumed confidence, kdj seems like the protagonist of story or a god to him. kdj’s inner monologue, of course, is appropriately self-deprecating and scarily accurate.

in a lot of ways, WOS -- and ORV itself, really -- is a love letter to readers. it’s a two-way connection, writer and reader, between someone who creates with all their passions and someone who consumes and responds with equally sincere feelings. Ways Of Survival -- the story of a man who defied death and grief and great powers far beyond his being -- is a fictional guide to surviving in a ruined world. but to a battered, bullied, and ostracized boy, it’s not just escapism, or wish fulfilment anymore. WOS is the map to navigating the hell of his reality. there’s a certain power in the right words being spoken -- or in this case, written -- at the right time, even if it’s only for the temporary burst of endorphins upon reading an especially delightful chapter. even if it’s forgotten the next day, you’ve managed to connect. you’ve touched another person’s heart. you made them think about questions they’ve never considered before; maybe, you made them smile. 

what can i say but the honest truth? ORV, without a shadow of doubt, has most certainly reached me. i’m a goner for this story and its excellent characters -- long, long gone. something has changed, something that wasn’t there the previous day. 

the mark has been made on the reader -- small as it is, it’s irrevocable. behold, in all of its little magnificence: the power of a writer, and their story.

[loveisneurotic]

Kaguya-sama Blind Reaction/Analysis: S1E1

Hello everyone, this is my blog which I am currently using to react to and analyze Kaguya-sama: Love Is War much more seriously than I should analyze any romcom.

I have only seen the first episode of the anime, which this post shall explore using far too many words. If I'm feeling particularly motivated, I may read the manga as well.

My analysis will contain spoilers. If you're thinking of watching this show and haven't seen it yet, I recommend you at least go check out the first episode yourself before reading any further. I don't know what the rest of the show is like, but what I've seen so far has been both entertaining and thought-provoking.

I'm going in mostly blind, but not entirely blind. There are a few images of the anime and manga that I have been exposed to, although without the attached context. Due to cultural osmosis and the sheer popularity of this work, perhaps that was almost inevitable.

Figure 1.1.1: Why did this guy write an essay about a single episode of an ongoing romcom?

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War

Season 1 Episode 1

I Will Make You Invite Me to a Movie / Kaguya Wants to Be Stopped / Kaguya Wants It

Power dynamics in relationships

Figure 1.1.2: Immediately, the mangaka's tastes become clear.

I heard a saying once that really stuck with me: "The partner who cares the least has all of the power."

In the world of dating, I often sincerely believed this saying. You may yearn for someone's affection, but the other person need not give it to you until they are willing and ready. No matter how much you want it, you can't make someone more interested in you, unless you resort to being roundabout, such as adding some mystery and intrigue to your courtship. But is that excessive?

I once felt a potential lover slipping through my grasp, and before I knew it, I found myself chasing after them. As I was yearning for their attention, I felt as if I'd lost my dignity. It was humiliating. Painful. Was it just that they weren't the right person for me? Or was I not funny enough? Not charismatic enough? Not interesting enough? Too clingy? Too talkative? Should I have been more distant and given them more space? Did I seem too weak? Too eager? How should I have maximized my desirability? Regardless, I had surely lost. Perhaps they wanted the satisfaction and validation of conquering me. Playing me for a fool and asserting their superiority by being so distant. Isn't that right? Or is that just insecurity speaking? At what point is it ideal to cut one's losses and walk away?

If someone desperately wants the object of their affection to desire them, does that make them pathetic? Does it make them a loser? If you show more vulnerability and desire than the other person, does that truly make you the weak one in a relationship?

These questions plague our two protagonists and seem to be a driving force behind the main conflict. Since I have also grappled with how much to reveal my own feelings of desire, I find Kaguya-sama: Love Is War to be a particularly fascinating show.

Desire without action

Figure 1.1.3: Our protagonists are gifted with impressively high academic intelligence paired with impressively low emotional intelligence.

The show wastes no time in introducing us to our two main protagonists. Kaguya was born into a family of high stature (and says "ara ara" frequently enough to power a small country of weebs), whereas Shirogane is a "commoner" (Kaguya's word, not mine) who worked hard to reach the pinnacle of the student body. Like timid schoolchildren, they're crushing on each other, and yet they refuse to admit it due to their pride. Instead, they focus on getting their "opponent" to confess their love first.

What stuck out to me immediately is how they both have different ideas of what their relationship would be like. Shirogane envisions Kaguya as blushing, shy, and conventionally cute, whereas Kaguya (thankfully) envisions herself taking absolute dominance over Shirogane (which plenty of people should see coming as a character trait after the anime's very first scene). The bad news about this is that their two fantasies are at odds. The good news about this is that the mangaka has fantastic taste -- you can learn a lot about a storyteller based on the characterization of a love interest or lead character of the author's preferred gender.

In the event that the two of them become an actual couple, I wonder how on Earth they'll reach a compromise as to how they'll treat each other. Perhaps they will have to figure that out before they can even get that intimate.

I appreciate that we get to see both of their perspectives. It hammers home how everyone has a different truth in regards to what they desire and what they experience, and the show does not hold back when it comes to showing just how different these truths can be -- such as a certain lunch-themed sequence that I will talk about later. This works to great dramatic and comedic effect.

That said, when you spend your time fantasizing about what could happen instead of actually taking action, time is not so friendly to you.

Half a year passes.

Figure 1.1.4: Two geniuses dedicate their pride to wasting their life and energy.

Immediately, I got the impression that whoever wrote this segment of the story knows what they're doing. This is too real. And by "too real", I mean I very much appreciate the realism. How many of us have waited for ages (or for eternity) to confess our feelings to a specific someone?

This is the curse of having a crush and being incapable of acting on it. It's also why I hate having crushes.

Manufacturing affection in others, AKA the extraction of vulnerability

Figure 1.1.5: A plan is devised to weaponize jealousy in the name of affection.

To express your truest feelings means being vulnerable. That implies taking a risk and feeling responsible for any potential consequences of rejection, as well as putting our dignity on the line. It would be so much easier for the object of our affection to make themselves vulnerable instead. So instead of being direct and honest, we act indirect. We drop hints. We act suggestively, but not explicitly. We may even place them in situations where we think they are more likely to confess. If they don't pick up on it, we can pretend we didn't mean anything by it. That way, we don't have to risk our dignity. We can just wait for them to make the move.

It sucks.

Incidentally, it sucks even more when both you and your love interest are thinking that way.

It sucks infinitely more when both you and your love interest are COMMITTED to thinking that way.

Someone has to break the deadlock, whether that's immediately or eventually.

If this show isn't one of those romcoms where the status quo never changes ever (judging by the quality of writing, I have faith that it isn't), then at some point, either Shirogane or Kaguya is going to have to be explicit about how they really feel. And it's going to feel scarier to them than anything else they've ever done.

It's gonna be great.

If we could all grow up and live in environments where it's safe and encouraged for all of us to be honest about how we feel and what we want, surely love would be much less painful for so many people.

Chaos theory

Figure 1.1.6: If your prospective lover won't protect you, then your friend definitely will.

Chika is the ideal wild card and agent of chaos in this arena of love.

From a writing perspective, Chika is immensely useful. The mangaka probably could have gotten by without a third character in the mix, but she serves as a catalyst and an unknown element, able to create unpredictability and subversion of expectations. For a comedy-oriented story, this is invaluable.

Blissfully unaware of the mental turmoil that plagues our two lovesick dorks, she is able to unintentionally invalidate whatever schemes that Kaguya or Shirogane spent so much mental energy on, which adds extra comedy and tension for the audience. She is also an effective vehicle for Kaguya's jealousy and projection, as seen in the lunchbox scene which I have so graciously foreshadowed.

Figure 1.1.7: We have confirmed visual on an unidentified fourth person. Chekhov would love this. From their posture, I wonder if they'll be a gloomy character?

Misunderstandings and assumptions

I've heard that most interpersonal conflicts in life emerge from misunderstandings. In the absence of communication, assumptions are born and give rise to misunderstandings.

You may know where I'm going with this. Let's talk about the lunchbox sequence.

Figure 1.1.8 (not pictured because tumblr wishes to deny me of my image spam): Kaguya is too prideful to admit she thinks that a couple is doing something cute.

Figure 1.1.9: Pride is considered a sin for a reason.

From a writing perspective, I was impressed by the lack of romantic intentions in Shirogane in this whole sequence. Not once did he try to get Kaguya to show vulnerability to him. Instead, Kaguya is the only one spinning the situation in a romantic way, while Shirogane's driving force is the misunderstanding that Kaguya is looking down on him for what he eats. Because of this misunderstanding, Shirogane doubles down and makes his food even better, making the situation even more complicated and more stressful for Kaguya. This was definitely my favorite comedy sequence from the first episode.

I appreciate that the show has demonstrated the ability to create these scenarios where one of the characters doesn't even have love on their mind, but there are still romantic thoughts coming from the other character which drives the drama. It gives me a lot of faith in the variety this show will have to offer, and makes me excited to watch more.

When it comes to comedy rooted in misunderstandings, it is important to have miscommunication or lack of communication. In order to resolve a misunderstanding, you need to talk about it. For a pairing as dysfunctional as Kaguya and Shirogane, expecting healthy communication sounds highly unreasonable, which makes them prime material for a whole world of misunderstandings.

Misunderstandings are rooted in assumptions about what the other person meant when they said something or made a certain gesture or expression. When Kaguya glared at Shirogane and his food, he didn't even think to ask "What's the matter?" He just made an assumption about how she felt. I wonder if trying to understand Kaguya's feelings would be considered a sign of weakness by Shirogane?

A prerequisite to initiating an emotional conversation is the desire to understand or be understood by the other person -- assuming that your assumptions haven't already built a narrative for you. It is far easier to make assumptions than it is to attempt any sort of understanding.

In the end, Shirogane fled, unwilling to confront or attempt to understand the intense and passive-aggressive Kaguya. Kaguya feels that she cannot directly ask to try his lunch, so perhaps this is the closest she can get to initiating such a conversation with him at this time. Despite their mind games where they imagine the reactions of their opponent, they still have a lot of difficulty understanding each other.

I am curious to see if this prospective couple's communication skills and emotional intelligence will improve over the course of the story.

The burden of potential romance

Figure 1.1.10: Even the infallible genius Kaguya succumbs to superficial jealousy. It's "mind over matter" versus "matter over mind". That's how the saying goes, right?

Chika is a free spirit, able to ask Shirogane for whatever she wants without being neurotic. That is the power of not being bounded by a crush. Kaguya, who lacks that degree of freedom, briefly loathes her for experiencing something that Kaguya cannot ask for. It's amazing how much someone's feelings for a friend can change without a single word being spoken between them. All it takes is an action, unintentional or not, combined with the raw strength of insecurity. Just as quickly, the status quo can return back to normal too, with the act of properly making up.

To Chika, asking for food from someone doesn't mean anything at all, whereas with Kaguya, it is an admission of defeat. In that sense, a relationship that will only ever be platonic brings peace of mind, whereas a relationship that can be potentially romantic brings leagues upon leagues of anxiety if the outcome is of great concern.

Love is neurotic.

Is love worth the pain? For some people, it is not. For others, the reward is immense -- but only if you can make sure your relationship with this person doesn't end up being a nightmare for your emotional health.

Love and self-identity

The final scene of the episode surprised me in a good way. It's a brief departure from the comedy, and reveals a more heartfelt side of the show.

Kaguya's servant asks her an insightful question. It is substantially more insightful than I would expect from any romcom: "If you fell in love some day, would you wait for that person to confess their love, like now? Or would you confess your love?" I found myself immediately curious to hear Kaguya's answer, since I knew it would be highly informative about her character.

"If that time comes, I would consider the risk of someone stealing him first and come to the one rational conclusion." Even in the realm of love, Kaguya seems precise and calculating. It's as if she hesitates to give a straight answer, but then she confirms: "Of course I would go."

Figure 1.1.11: "Please understand."

It is not embarrassment or rejection that Kaguya fears; it is the absolute destruction of her identity and sense of self. Kaguya is the daughter of a family that practically runs the country. In her mind, everyone yearns for her and wishes to serve her. Turning that around and reaching out to another person to express her own desire would be a direct contradiction of that. It is probably a similar situation for Shirogane, where the infallible self-image he has built up is being put at risk during his romantic duels against Kaguya.

Kaguya clearly feels trapped. She and Shirogane see each other as threats to be conquered, but in reality, they both share a mutual enemy that is much more imposing and insidious: their own simultaneous disgust at the idea of vulnerability.

Their freedom is dominated by their insecurities, and so, even despite their impressive stature, they are still very human. Their upbringing that has lead them to become so accomplished may be more of a curse than a blessing, due to the resulting pride and self-image they likely feel pressured to uphold.

It is hard to cast aside a lie that you have bought into for your whole life.

If our two protagonists wish to have a chance of establishing a healthy romantic relationship, they have a lot of their own demons to overcome first. If they cannot set aside their pride and reach mutual understanding, they have no hope.

Until then, they will both remain trapped in a hell of their own design, however tragically comedic it may be.

My hopes for this story's future

I can tell that the mangaka, unlike far too many writers all over the world, actually seems to have a solid understanding of romance and the conflict that arises within. I've watched too many anime that place huge focus on the "will they or won't they" crap which never runs any deeper than one or both of the characters being too embarrassed to just say what they're thinking, without any sort of convincing mental blocker. In that case, it's clearly just manufactured drama which is designed to pad out the story and waste your time rather than pose interesting questions and themes. In the case of Kaguya and Shirogane, the two of them have substantial communication issues which are depicted in a comedic yet mature way, which I have found engaging.

I very much hope that the show will more deeply explore the themes and questions surrounding the ideas of vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and superiority within relationships. Kaguya and Shirogane have been set up to be great vehicles for such exploration, and I hope the mangaka can capitalize on that, especially if our protagonists can confront these issues directly.

My impression is that the ending will make or break this story. If the mangaka can pull it off well, I can already believe the payoff will be hugely satisfying.

Of course, in order to get to that point, we'll have to see a certain something. It has to do with the most sacred word amongst romcom enthusiasts: "progress". Indeed, after spending chapters upon chapters watching two characters bumble around amidst the same exact status quo, those little signs of advancements in a relationship are highly rewarding.

Underneath all of their aggression, if we can see Kaguya and Shirogane slowly open up to each other and realize the benefits of vulnerability, I think we could witness something really beautiful and really emotionally cathartic.

I've still only seen one episode, but I believe the mangaka has laid a fantastic groundwork for a series and can do a great job developing upon what I've seen so far. On that note, I will surpass our prideful protagonists by opening my heart to this story and entrusting it with my vulnerability, believing it can deliver satisfying development and resolution. You can do it!

Closing thoughts

I did not expect to write so much about a single episode of an ANIME of all things, but here we are. If only I could conjure this kind of power back when I actually needed it in high school English class!

The first episode alone is already so rich with characterization and themes that I managed to find quite a lot to talk about. Given how much I found myself relating to the characters and some of their situations, it's clear to me how this show became so popular. Not only are the animation, direction, and writing excellent, but also many people can probably relate to love feeling like a battlefield.

I do not want to believe in the idea of winners and losers in relationships. That idea creeps into my head whenever I'm having trouble keeping the interest of a new date, and I find myself wondering where those thoughts even come from. Lately, I have been reflecting on the way I relate to other people. Perhaps I've started experiencing this show at a time in my life when I most needed it, and that's why I felt driven to write such a large analysis.

This show poses some very interesting questions about romance that I do not actually know the answer to at the time of writing. I do not know yet how much the show is actually going to explore these themes. Regardless, I appreciate how this show is helping me reflect, and I am curious to see if and how the mangaka will answer some of the questions brought about by the story's themes.

This is a show that I'll most likely have to pace myself with. There was so much to process in this first episode alone. If I went any faster, I'm not sure if I'd even catch all of the details and character moments. I'm excited to move onto the second episode soon.

A highly subjective footnote about my cultured tastes

I'm glad that Kaguya is a sadistic dom with a gentle and vulnerable side, solely on the basis of that being my favorite personality type in a love interest. It also helps that it makes Kaguya's fantasies that much funnier with Shirogane acting so out of character. I feel like this show was made for me.

What was I writing about again? Oh yeah, writing a gigantic wall of text about an anime romcom. Somehow, I spent an entire day on this essay. Hopefully someone got a kick out of it.

[sleepymarmot]

The Green Knight

I have once again committed the grave sin of reading something just to watch an adaptation immediately afterwards

...and unfortunately, it resulted in me not liking the adaptation very much and now I can’t tell whether it is because of its own merits or simply by comparison.

Why did a 2021 film have worse pacing than a XIV century poem? The poem’s plot had me genuinely engaged even when impatient; I can’t count how many times I glanced on my phone or hit pause while watching the film. But I can appreciate that the film had a twist/fakeout ending of its own which also caught me off guard.

I recognized Alicia Vikander as Essel but not as the Lady, I thought it was a different actresss lmao. And then wondered which of them was playing the wife in the vision and apparently it was someone else...

The old woman in the castle was not played by the same actress as Gawain’s mother, though, but it was supposed to be some kind of representation of her, right? Like a vessel or a spirit? Since in the poem that was Morgan but in the film she’s in Camelot and Gawain is her son and she’s uhh arranging a test for him so he can mature before he inherits the crown I guess. And also that’d explain how the sash turned up in the castle in the film version. 

I’m kind of disappointed that the encounter with the Lady manages to be less sexy than the poem version where she literally goes “I’m trapping you in your bed :)” and he tries to play it cool and the UST goes on for three separate long scenes. But no, let’s disgust and/or scandalize viewers with onscreen bodily fluids instead 🙄

Speaking of that: I wasn’t impressed with moments of vulgarity that seemed to exist only to make the film edgier. On the other hand, I don’t think the Lady kissed Gawain; if you got the R rating, then use it and give that guy a handjob right in the forest, don’t be shy! Again, the XXI century work is somehow less gay than the XIV century one where Gawain kisses his host six times in total, and on the third day it’s three times in a row and so passionate that the recipient remarks on it. Meanwhile, even the one kiss remaining in the 2021 version is unwanted and predatory. Representation...

It’s a shame that what I found most striking about the poem, the structure and the true nature of the challenge, became muddled in the film. “You thought it was a weirdly long distraction? It was the real challenge all along” and “A hero’s ability to withstand a fantastical danger is a metaphor for being an exemplary member of society” are, IMO, not at all outdated (but maybe these are the default in this kind of literature and I’m just uninformed). I don’t think the film even explains what’s actually going on — how does a viewer unfamiliar with the original story interpret the ending? Also why does this film hate bright colors :( I thought we were past the “everything was brown dirty and grim in the Middle Ages” stage? Why make a long speech about what the color green represents, it’s a film, you can show me!

One thing I caught while writing this post: Gawain isn’t actually a knight during the movie, right? We see him knighted in the bad end flash-forward. Which means he didn’t lie to the bandits! I thought this was another of his failures — denying he’s a knight out of cowardice...

Another note connected to it: I don’t buy that “Why would you ask me that? Why would you ever ask me that?” is a criticism/deconstruction of chivalry because Gawain isn’t acting like a knight! And if the previous paragraph is correct, he isn’t one at all! This might be a criticism of his personal assholery, male entitlement maybe, but not the role Gawain is meant to play — I can’t imagine the ideal he’s supposed to live up to, the virtuous and courteous poem!Gawain, asking for a reward upfront.

I did like the headless girl (an actual saint, as I just learned), the giants and the “photograph”. (The commentary for the poem said it was being subversive by not detailing Gawain’s adventures, so it’s funny the film put them “back” in.)  I enjoyed the final confrontation. As much as I wish I could see the gorgeous green-and-gold outfit I love the fantastical tree look too; I don’t mind that the Green Knight and the Lord are two different characters and I understand why the three days of hunting and seduction had to be condensed into one. And I did find it clever that Gawain has a vision of dying miserably when he’s in despair and that prompts him to act twice, not only in the Green Chapel but when he’s tied up in the forest, another green chapel (only figured this out after the movie ended). So I’m not just complaining because an adaptation changed something — something I just encountered. But, well, it’s a very slow film with a protagonist who goes past “yes I know he’s supposed to be a failure, that’s what his character development is about” into the “actively unlikeable” territory, and also has the same expression for half of the movie. So, as a person who knows nothing about arthuriana beyond this poem I just read, I don’t feel competent to give a verdict more objective than this: an artsy film didn’t entertain me as much I expected to.

(Side note: As I was watching, “To the Headless Horseman” was somewhere in the back of my mind, and now that I saw someone else mention it too, I realize how well the lyrics fit, especially with the poem version. “God keep the bounty hunter who shows mercy to his prey”... “And as you approached, I could sense the threat, but a stranger’s just a friend who hasn’t shared their secrets yet”...)

(Side note 2: I like how the poem presents an etiquette puzzle. The fact that Gawain was trying to save his life was immediately forgiven; in fact, the initial terms never specified he would have to die to the Green Knight’s blow, only “accept” it. He got a cut on his neck not for cowardice, but for dishonesty on the third day, i. e. keeping the gifted sash a secret. But if he kept the promise made to the husband, he would have broken the promise of silence made to the wife. Which means that the correct choice would be not to accept the sash in the first place, which, coincidentally, is the choice that requires him to bravely accept his fate.)

[mostly-megan]

December 7th: Movie Night

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Reader

Rating: E for Everyone

Word count: 882; not beta read, we live and die by the sword

Warnings: Naughty words, but that’s it

❄️December Writing Masterlist ❄️

(A/N): What? Late? I’m not late??? (Thanks you guys for understanding, I had a stressful few days, I ope to get caught up this weekend!) Prompts from @honeymandos; Photo credit: pinterest 

“This is such BULLSHIT! He really thinks he can do THAT? Just leave the base with no orders just to win back some girl?!” Frankie howled with laughter as the lovesick love interest forlornly thought back on how he wrecked his chances with brunette female protagonist. You got to pick the movie and decided on a sickeningly sweet Christmas romance movie that was on TV, partly because you were a sucker for romance and partly because you just knew it would be horrible. 

“A Class-A Holiday” was truly ghastly; the tale of a small town girl moving to a military area and teaching the straight-laced army families, and one handsome and stubborn lieutenant in particular, the magic and importance of Christmas, family, and love. There are so many story points that would only make sense in the movie world, like the fact that she opened a Christmas store year-round and that she somehow paid off an army event-planner to make the holiday ball more Christmas-y. 

But Frankie could not move past the disgracefully terrible army uniforms, the titular class-a ensembles being truly egregious, and complete disregard for any rules or procedures “Frankie, that’s not the point, he’s got to make the romantic gesture. She taught him about the magic of Christmas and now he has to save HER Christmas,” your half-hearted defense is only making him laugh more. You lean over Frankie to set your warm mug back on the coffee, settling back into his side with your head against his chest. 

“Excuse me, Major, sir. I need to request time off-base.”

“When, lieutenant?

“Right now, sir. I’ve gotta make things right with Kelsey before I ship off.”

“........Go get your girl, Baxter.”

The two of you dissolve into giggles against each other, it was actually getting worse and worse. The movie cuts to Kelsey closing up her store for the holidays as sad music plays. It starts to snow as she puts the keys back into her pocket and heaves a dramatically heavy sigh as she starts walking, snow starting to fall. A montage of her happy moments with Lt. Baxter: the meet cute where she spills hot cocoa on him, their ice rink date, their first kiss at the town Christmas tree lighting. 

“I can’t tell if this is more insulting to military members or their families?” Frankie shakes his head in disbelief at the sappy scenes trying to pull on the heartstrings. We hear the audio from their argument about him being deployed and Frankie scoffs again at the ridiculous discussion.

“Chase, how could you do this? How could you not tell me?”

“I didn’t want to ruin our time together.”

“Well, maybe there is still something we can do?”

“No, Kelsey, we can’t! I’m going overseas with my orders and that’s it! This isn’t some stupid thing you can fix with ‘Christmas magic’! It’s over, grow up!”

“Jesus, you would never put up with this shit from me, even when I was getting deployed,” you chuckle and shift so your legs lay across his lap. “Not a chance, soldier boy. Ugh, but our last time together being at Christmas with snow falling dramatically around us with the lights a twinkling? You can’t deny that it sounds rather romantic, plus you wouldn’t have had to miss the holidays,” you fall back with your arm theatrically draped over your forehead before joining Frankie’s warm chuckle and snuggling back under his arm.

“KELSEY, WAIT!”

“Chase? What are you doing? Aren’t you supposed to be on-base to ship off tomorrow?”

“I had to tell you. I was a goddamn idiot to yell at you. You’re the best thing I’ve ever had, even if I’ve only known you for a month.”

“Chase, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I love you and, if you’d do me the honor,” the Lieutenant kneels “Please take my ring. I can’t tell you it’ll be a short or easy engagement. It’ll probably be long and lonely, but if it means that we both know that we had each other the whole time, it’d be so worth it. Then, when I’m home, I’m yours. No more tours and the biggest Christmas wedding you’ve ever seen. So, Kelsey Matthews, will you marry me? Please? You’d make me the luckiest son of bitch the army had ever seen.”

As Kelsey throws her arms around his neck, crying and nodding, you realize that your soldier has gone awfully quiet. Peeking up, you see the faint trace of moisture around his eyes, his grip around you tightens. “I wish I could have given that nice of a speech, instead of stumbling over myself,” you cup his cheek with your hand, feeling his sad smile against your palm. “I wouldn’t give up the speech you made for the entire world. I loved it,” his hand entwines with yours as he holds it still to his cheek, “I love you, Francisco Morales.” 

The cheery end credit music plays as you lean up to kiss Frankie’s soft lips, mustache tickling from the angle. You might not have gotten everything perfect as a movie, but at least your love interest had all of those movie men beat. Because your story doesn’t have to end before the beautiful life you get to live by each other’s side.

Tagging who might be interested: @zeldasayer @winters-buck @max--phillips@rae-gar-targaryen @yespolkadotkitty @scribbledghost @plexflexico @sunshinepascal @agirllovespancakes @keeper0fthestars @freak-nasty-thick-dick-mando @youmeanmybrain @talesfromtheguild @frannyzooey @absurdthirst @softpedropascal @fairytalesintheend @lackofhonor @maybege @getinthepoolkeanu @pedroepascal @pedropascalito @mylifeliterally @catfishingmorales @miss-me-jack @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa @pettyprocrastination @autumnleaves1991-blog @tangledlove27​

[battlestar-royco]

so in yet another of my “let’s watch a movie no one talks about in an exhausted haze at midnight” stints, i decided to rewatch cinderella (1997) for the first time since i was maybe 5 or 6. after having words with my mutuals, i’ve come to the conclusion that disney simply gave up after  this movie.

like. dark skinned black cinderella? whitney houston fairy godmother? black stepsister? queen whoopi goldberg married to a white guy with a filipino prince son? even most of the extras are poc. quite literally radical and never done before or since. please explain to me why they’re fucking around in 2009 making the first animated black princess into a frog for more than half of the movie and even in 2020 they are still employing this ugly strategy with all their animated black protagonists. explain to me why it took them 11 years to even attempt another black princess (with the little mermaid, we’ll see how that goes) even though they gave us 3 white princess movies since then. explain to me why in 2019 they’re still doing brownface for their live action aladdin. explain to me why they’re still doing live action remakes that rely on cgi and voice doctoring for people who can’t sing instead of you know actually making quality products.

they purposely half-ass things and then don’t market it right and then they use the enraged response as an excuse to give up and say that poc will simply never be satisfied. this right here is why i hate the saying “it was good for its time”/“it was ahead of its time.” it gives too much credit to people who could in all likelihood do better and were advised exactly how to do better but decided not to. they decided to be gatekeepers and play it safe and deny people representation. literally all it takes for something to contemporary, all it takes for audiences to be “ready,” is for someone to make the damn thing and to give the project the support it needs so it reaches the audience that will cherish it.

[ariainstars]

Love and War: Politics and Spirituality in Star Wars

As I followed the Star Wars saga closely last year, I couldn’t help noticing that its central theme is not Good against Evil, but Love against War.

More precisely, it seems like a long parable about a mind at war: the galaxy far, far away keeps struggling with different powers which, until now, never were balanced by a common ideology. 

  The Jedi: We Have No Personal Agenda (…do we?)

As we get to know the Jedi in the prequels, we can’t be but disappointed. The supposed keepers of peace, guardians of the Force, seem a bunch of elderly, stuck-up guys who are wary of anything coming from the outside. Their meetings take place in a place which even looks like an ivory tower.

We witness the first conflict in the saga in The Phantom Menace, which absurdly is kicked off by two weird-looking guys who seem interested in nothing but their economic power.

The irony is that in their own way, the Jedi do not seem more open-minded than them; though not interested in wealth, they do only think of themselves - of the status their rank as Jedi gives them. They are so convinced of being the “good guys” that they will not lift a finger to end a raging conflict, and they don’t care what will become of a weirdly powerful nine-year-old boy who just lost his only living relative, his past and the only home he ever knew. 

It is Padmé, who is not a Jedi and has no power in the Force, who takes matters in their own hands, to the point where she falls on her knees before the Gungans asking them for their assistance..

I have repeatedly heard the Star Wars prequels being criticized due to the seeming lack of agenda of the protagonists. Which is right - they basically haven’t. The only agenda everybody seems to have is to keep things the way they are so that their personal, comfortable situation won’t change. 

But the truth is that they are not aware of the power pulling at them: there is someone who is the mastermind behind all that happens during Anakin’s youth, and we can assume that he was at work even before the boy stepped onto the stage. 

It is Senator Palpatine who convinces the Queen of Naboo to plead for a vote of no confidence against Chancellor Valorum, which in the end leaves Palpatine himself in charge. It is he, again, who makes JarJar convince the Senate to give him emergency powers due to the surge of the Separatists.

Palpatine is repeatedly shown as being Evil incarnate. Absolute power is his ultimate goal. For him, it is all or nothing. There is nothing human about him, ever, as good as he is as posing as a mellifluous politician who only has the best ends in mind.

And on top of it, Palpatine makes it appear as if he only has the purest motives, leaving the dirty work to others: Anakin marches into the Jedi temple killing everyone…

…Obi-Wan cripples Anakin mercilessly, which gives Palpatine the chance to strap him into the armor and mask that he will hence need in order to survive at all.

  The End of Everything We Loved

The name “Devil” means “separator”. Palpatine’s influence leads to separate all people who ought to belong together: friends…

 …husband and wife… 

…brothers and sisters. When they first meet, Luke and Leia don’t realize for a long time that they are, actually, siblings.

Vader doesn’t recognize his own daughter…

…nor his son: during the trench run we hear him say “The Force is strong with that one.”

  The Jedi’s failure

Enter Anakin, someone with huge personal agendas. Anakin has known slavery, the pain of separation from his mother, the helplessness having to watch her die, the fear of losing wife and unborn child in a similar way.

Does that make him an evil person? We see Anakin struggle against his fears and his violence for years. His deepest impulse is to use his enormous strength in order to protect others, but he isn’t allowed to. He can only be active if the Jedi order him to, which leads among other things to the absurd situation of having to save Palpatine, i.e. evil incarnate, risking his own and his master Obi-Wan’s life; while he was supposed to toughen it out when his own mother, a woman who probably never harmed anyone in her life, was tortured to death. 

Instinctively, Anakin’s heart always told him who needed his help. But this generosity and protectiveness never was appreciated by the Jedi, to whom “the Code” came first of all.

But what is the Jedi code, looking at it, if not a strategy to detach themselves from the world?

No families of their own.

No possessions.

No close attachments.

How is anyone supposed to still see if someone is in pain, when he was trained from early childhood on to live in a metaphorical ivory tower? 

Though not actually evil-minded (they assuredly do not want power or promote terror), the Jedi are in constant denial of the truth around them. They witness Palpatine’s ascent over and over and never realize that the most powerful Sith Lord of all is sitting a few meters away from them. 

Because to the Jedi, “what can’t be doesn’t exist”. Palpatine may be a Sith, but officially, belongs to the Jedi. Count Dooku even warns Obi-Wan; the Jedi proves his denial again with his words “Impossible. The Jedi would have sensed it.” 

So, not wanting it but also not knowing what they were doing, the Jedi enhance the conflict. And the Skywalker family, whose founder had been fathered by the Force itself, is torn and kept apart from both Jedi and Sith. 

Now we could argue: who would want to cooperate with the Sith, to have them as part of a balance, if they are evil and never do any good? 

Do they, and do the Jedi only do good and virtuous deeds? 

Obi-Wan told Luke an outright lie pretending that Vader had been Anakin’s killer; convinced that it could end only if the son killed the father.

The supposedly evil Lord Vader is the one who finally tells the truth: he proclaims to be Luke’s father, which also unveils his old master’s lie. Luke is traumatized because the truth is the opposite of what he believed. Until this very moment he was in denial, convinced that he was dealing with his father’s killer; Vader had literally to cut off his son’s hand in order to create a dramatic pause which finally allowed him to say what he wanted to: the truth.

To believe that a deed like patricide could be a positive thing only enhances the absurdity of the situation and the depth of the Jedi’s denial. As Luke confronts Obi-Wan with his manipulation, the Jedi still does not take responsibility, beyond his grave.

The Mistake: Making Things About Oneself

So, we have seen that Evil is not always wrong and Good not always right. They are strangely connected by one common, capital fault: making things about themselves.

But we repeatedly meet people who are mature enough not to make things about themselves: Padmé, Shmi, Senator Organa, (dare I say it? even JarJar), Owen and Beru.

Luke’s meeting with Vader on Bespine is pivotal because confronted with the words “You are not a Jedi yet” Luke draws his weapon first, proving Vader right. He hates the man in whom he still sees his father’s killer. It is this hatred which could have pushed him to the Dark Side. Though unknowingly and acting out of possessiveness, Vader pushed his son away from the Dark Side by saying the truth and thus crushing Luke’s hatred for him.

Much later, as he tries to save his friends, we see that Luke has learned his lesson: he tries to convince Jabba diplomatically and draws his weapon only at the last moment.

Terrified that Vader and Palpatine might be after his sister, Luke lashes out one last time. Only when he sees his father’s robotic hand he realizes the trap he was about to fall into.

Forgiveness and love bring Vader down. Compassion has won. Peace ensues, the family is united.

But many years later, we see Luke fail making things about himself again: he fears the danger his nephew could become for everything he loves.

His moment of panic pushes his nephew to the dark side. As a long-term consequence, the young man will be the murderer of the man who used to be Luke’s best friend.

Ben adopts another name and joins Snoke; war flares up and pushes itself between the members of the Skywalker family again.

Han and Leia meet after a period of separation, each bemoaning the loss of their son.

Luke, guilt-stricken, has retired to a lonely island, away from everybody.

Only shortly before his death, Luke tries to reconnect: with his sister, his brother-in-law (symbolically through the dice), the droids, his nephew. The Skywalker family is getting closer again, hinting at a future peace.

  Conclusions

The absurd situation of this generation is that at the opposite ends of the conflict are two persons who despite their outward differences couldn’t be more alike. Kylo and Rey both are lost children, desperately searching for belonging and purpose. In the brief moment of their alliance against Snoke we can see that working together, Dark and Light side are indeed invincible.

So, must the Light Side win again in order to ensure peace? 

The Dark Side is the human Id, which is all about oneself. Its advantage is that being straightforward, the Id can’t lie. Anakin / Vader always told the truth, as painful as it was.

The Id is aware of the fact that it needs its other half to be balanced. Hence, the “bad guys” always struggle to dominate, possess and at worst kill the “good guys”. We constantly see a powerful Dark Side user (Vader, Kylo) being at his strongest while he is chasing his Light Side counterpart (Luke, Rey). 

The Light Side is the Super-Ego, the conscience, which at its extreme might push a person to give up his life for someone else. The disadvantage is its tendency to deny that it needs its other half also; to believe to be solely in the right. The Jedi (including Luke, the last and the strongest of them) often overlook vital truths: none are so blind as those who will not see.

Both Luke and Rey needed their Dark Side counterparts to confront them with the truth (“I am your father”, “Your parents are dead… filthy junk traders who sold you for drinking money”). As much as it hurts them, both need to know these truths because their false pretensions held them back from being who they truly were. 

That is why “balance” is so vitally important and the only thing that can save the day and make lasting peace. Because no one can pretend that he lives solely for others (the Jedi), and no one can exist long living only by himself and for himself (the Sith). Only acknowledging one another’s positive sides and learning to cooperate, the Force users can make lasting peace in the galaxy possible. Only when a common ground is found at last, the galaxy can finally be free of the Old Republic’s stagnation, the Empire’s tyranny and the turmoil of the Rebellion. 

Peace, at last, to people of good will.

[psychcomposer]

Alright, I have too many feelings about a video game that’s going to come out in a month that I really just need to get out. It’s been over a decade and one of my favorite games, The World Ends With You, is finally getting a sequel. I’ve been brooding on the trailers for months, and I just finished the demo, so it is time to put down my capital T Thoughts on Neo: The World Ends With You.

As a warning, this will be entirely too long. But I’m not about to keep this bound up any longer.

TWEWY is my favorite title for the Nintendo DS. It is a JRPG starring Neku Sakuraba, an aggressively antisocial teen living in the Tokyo district of Shibuya. He is suddenly pulled into a test of survival called The Reaper’s Game, where he is forced to join forces with a partner in order to survive a week of lethal objectives in a sub-planar version of Shibuya. I love the story, its such an honest and interesting take on learning to get outside of your comfort zone. But more than that, it is a game that does so much to put a modern twist on every piece of your typical JRPG. You control two characters at once, Neku with the touch screen and his partner with the control pad, forcing you to split your attention and giving mechanic weight to the idea that Neku can’t survive alone. Armor and weapons are replaced with clothes and outfits, with a character’s ability to wear them restricted not by class but by a character’s bravery. The music list is filled with punk, alt-rock and hip-hop that are a stark contrast to the symphonic tracks of other titles. Battles aren’t random impediments, but fun diversions that sport a robust reward system that encourages players to push their limits.

But even more than that, the most modern thing I appreciate about TWEWY has to be the characters. Neku, Shiki, Beat, and Rhyme all feel like believable teens that grew up in the 2000′s. They bicker, clash, and banter like teens struggling to survive and make sense of their situation. One of my favorite little gimicks of the story is just how many nicknames there are for every character. Almost everyone has earned a few nicknames. One of my favorite examples is Sho Minamimoto. He’s a reaper with an obsession with math, often infusing his speech with mathematical jargon or expressions, and seems to enjoy erecting “art installations”, which most people can only decipher as towers of trash. Over the course of the story, he gets called Pi-face, the Grim Heaper, and another nickname I can’t even mention because of spoilers. It’s just... such a nice little human touch, these kids throwing crafted insults at a human enforcer of their doom that could almost certainly tear them apart.

I’m getting into this to try to give a sense of why I enjoy TWEWY so much, why it has such a unique place in my heart. Its a game I’ve 100% completed several times over, a task that’s no easy feat with the sheer amount of collectibles and post-game objectives. Unfortunately, for the last year or two, I’ve been kind of dreading this sequel.

Neo:TWEWY has been... a long time coming. Way back in 2007 they had a whole website counting down to some sort of announcement, with the music slowly building in intensity. I remember following it with bated breath, until it finally hit zero! And we got... An ios port of the game. Talk about a let-down. To be fair, apparently it is a solid port, even managing to re-work the old battle system, one that required a second screen to work properly, into one that only needed one. But what that really offered to someone like me was the hint of a sequel, a single image of a new character being shown. They kept flirting with the idea of bringing the series back. The main cast even featured in a Kingdom Hearts game, of all things, even if they didn’t really do a whole lot. But these acknowledgments grew sparser and sparser.

A few years ago, they released a switch port of the game. Not only that, it included an epilogue! They were finally getting a sequel rolling! Of course I bought that game, beat it yet again, and fought my way to the new content and the hint of the new story ahead.

It was... Well. I found it disappointing.

The gameplay was competent, even if it was clear that the epilogue itself really hadn’t had too much put into it. One new character,  new enemies just being reskins of old ones. It wasn’t meant to be dlc itself or anything, it was just there to herald a return to the series. That wasn’t what bugged me. What bugged me was the writing. It was heart-wrenching. It just didn’t feel right. It just felt flat compared to the story I’d enjoyed so many times. But what really killed my excitement was the new character, Coco.

Now, odd personality quirks are not too unusual among the ensemble of TWEWY. Pi-face is just one of the characters that is so infused with a particular theme that it shows in how they express themselves. It’s part of the charm of them, discovering the personalities that live in this dark underworld of Shibuya. But Coco... she talks like the most stereotypical young teenager possible. unironic lols, totez (yes, spelt exactly like that, in a speech format), OMG’s, and just, like, likes everywhere! It felt like someone who knew they needed to make a quirky character but had no idea how to write one well, and just made the most stereotypical caricature possible. I hated seeing that. It embodied every fear I had about the sequel being just a cynical project, pushed forward after so many years  by people who just didn’t understand what made the original great. That mild dread was so persistent that even the release of the first few trailers couldn’t really get me excited for the game. Neo:TWEWY was shifting into 3d from the original 2.5d, with all the problems that could cause. What I could see of the story felt so much more like a generic fantasy tale with some modern buildings than the story I had grown through my teenage years with. And, well... Just look the original Neku and the new one they showed off.

Look at this. Look at one of the most vibrant, eye-catching character designs on the market for any JRPG in history, one that manages to mix purple and orange with striking lights and darks. And then look at the teenager edgelord bullshit they did with him. It’s atrocious. I hate it. He’s just another guy in a black outfit and just too much fucking cool guy protagonist power to not have the story be about him at this point. And look, I know that there’s Story LoreTM, I know that there could be some twist that explains this, I know that him being such a denial of his old self could be the entire fucking point. But let me tell you, when I saw this, I felt years of shifting, misplaced unease coalesce into a hard lump of dread.

And... Even... So... I did the stupidest thing I could have possibly done and preordered the game anyway. Don’t look at me like that, nostalgia is a hell of a drug.

But you know what? The damnedest thing happened. They released a demo for the new game a month before its release. And I played it, and... I enjoyed it.

Did you see that coming? I certainly didn’t. Welcome to the roller coaster.

Right off the bat, the writing soothed a lot of the fears I had. It felt right at home, like being plopped between to teens exchanging banter. One of the first exchanges is Rindo and Fret, his best friend, trying to meet up. Fret wants Rindo to meet him at  someplace called Wunafo, an area Rindo is clueless about. After some annoyed texting, it turns out Fret is actually referring to 104, a local landmark of a building. Fret insists that its a stylish improvement on the name. Rindo only gives him some grief about it..

I’m not doing the scene justice, or I could just be really desperate for half-decent writing, but I can’t deny that it quickly put a smile on my face. I am almost sure I’ve had this conversation before in years past myself. And beyond that, this game boasts voice acting that brings out a ton of personality in the large cast they are introducing (besides Rindo, which is a shame because he’s the protagonist... hopefully he gets over his apathetic teenager shtick eventually). Not everything is voiced, but it conveys so much appeal and personality, and even when the character’s aren’t voiced there is a conversation screen that occasionally breaks out some stylish layouts to convey mood and temperment and clearly draw from the style that made the original game pop so much.

The battles, of course, have been completely revamped. TWEWY had you control two characters, one of which you could customize by equipping up to 6 different pins that all used different motions and unleashed different attacks. Now you control up to four characters, but each one can only use one pin. But even so, it feels very genuine to its roots. An effective build in TWEWY was usually one that let you stagger an opponent so you can unload a bunch of attacks on them, and in Neo:TWEWY the game actively pushes you to folllow up attacks with characters in succession. It would be easy for this to devolve into a mash-fest, but even with the little time I had with the game it introduced a wrinkle in that- an attack that unleashed a single powerful blow, but couldn’t just be unleashed at the end of the previous combo. It needed to be charged for a while, long enough for the combo timer to deplete. So now an effective combo requires thinking ahead, and even after that you’re paying attention to enemies to dodge out of the way when they strike back. It’s entirely possible this system will flop in the late game, but so far it is robust enough for me to think that it will be one that could make me look forward to battles.

The music hasn’t impressed me so far, besides the tracks that have made the transition from the original. But I remember those strange tracks needing some time before I appreciated them too.

Finally, the story has hooked me. I don’t think that needs much more explanation. I want to see more of these characters and see the changes that have been made to the world in what I assume is years after Neku’s game. And to address the elephant in the room, Neku has not made his appearance in what is available in the demo. Odds are I will probably hate whatever they do with him. But there is enough happening in the space around it that I’m interested in exploring, and a bruised apple can still taste sweet.

Almost all of this, of course, is mostly just saying that Neo:TWEWY is not doomed to fail. There is still plenty of room for things to go wrong later on. There are entire systems I haven’t really seen in game, like shops, pin evolution, clothing and food (Though it looks like they have changed the food system significantly, which I approve of). The things that unnerved me so much in the trickle of information after this game’s announcement could still be enough to turn this sour. But I’m smiling as I’m strapping myself in for this ride now, one I’ve waited quite a long time for. Whatever’s coming, I’m excited.

[animebw]

Short Reflection: Summer 2020 Anime

Man, this is a weird year for anime. After a very strong start in the winter season, the arrival of a certain unwelcome party guest screwed up everyone’s schedule and let to countless delays. It feels like we’ve gone two full seasons of anime that weren’t actually seasons, just weird, half-finished impressions of seasons. Summer, in particular, was an absolute dead zone, with so few new shows and so few of those shows that were of any interest it might as well have never happened. But there were still some gold nuggets among this aimless backwash, so before things pick back up in the fall (seriously, my fall anime schedule is going to be so packed), let’s take a look at the shows I watched in the summer of 2020 and how well- or poorly- they fared when all was said and done.

Uzaki-Chan Wants to Hang Out: 2.5/10

Let’s get one thing straight right up front: Uzaki-chan is not a comedy. Uzaki-chan is a horror story about an introvert being forced to live out his worst nightmare. Every single word out of this flesh-fanged gremlin’s obnoxious mouth makes me want to shove her face in a toilet just to shut her up. Yes, I’m an introvert. I like doing shit by myself. That doesn’t mean I’m a loner loser who can’t take care of myself, and fuck you for assuming so. Valuing my alone time isn’t a personal failing worthy of ridicule. And even if I was feeling isolated and wanted a friend to help be break out of my shell and be more social, this screeching, pathetic excuse for waifu bait would be the last person I turned to. On top of that, the show built around this unbearable hobgoblin is just garbage on a technical level, with nonexistant production values, no sense of comedic timing, and some of the laziest, most pasteboard excuses for “jokes” I’ve heard in a long time. The fact that there’s actually a handful of decent gags scattered throughout is something of a minor miracle. If you’re really that interested in a rom-com about a girl bullying the guy she likes, just watch Teasing Master Takagi-san again and save yourself the torment.

No Guns Life Season 2: 4/10

Honestly, I can’t help but feel really disappointed about No Guns Life. A hardboiled cyberpunk neo-noir detective thriller starring a grizzled protagonist with a gun for a head? How the absolute fuck do you make that boring? Well, with an uninspired story that plays it safe at every turn and lifeless direction that renders even the most theoretically exciting scenes inert under a smothering layer of droning music and sluggish camera work. There are still bright spots- I appreciated the dive into Juzo’s backstory in the final arc- but the overall product is still too boring and uninspired to bother with. Also, it really becomes apparent in the second season how poorly this show treats its female characters. Could you really not let Mary, like, have any agency during the battle with her own damn brother? Is that too much to ask?

The God of High School: 5/10

Rejoice, folks: We’ve got the perfect go-to example for discussing “style over substance.” There’s no denying that the fights of The God of High School are absolute killer on an animation front, high-octane blasts of sakuga that back more lavishly animated kicks and flips into a single match than some anime get over their entire run. Studio Mappa really outdid themselves in making this one of the most consistently high-quality productions of the year, possibly of the last several years. Unfortunately, all that gorgeous sakuga can’t save the fact that the story is a complete and utter trainwreck. The characters are all paper-thin and obnoxious, everything moves too goddamn fast to get a handle on, it races through a million baffling plot beats without ever explaining them, and at some point whatever fun I was having with the action was drowned out by an overwhelming tidal wave of complete and utter nonsense. I’ve heard this adaptation compresses and cuts a lot from the Webtoon it’s based on, but honestly, what’s left in the show doesn’t give me confidence that the Webtoon was all that great to begin with either. It’s a numbing black void of substance that tries to hide how fucking stupid it is by lathering on more and more flashy fight scenes as if trying to bludgeon you into submission. Shame on this show for making such spectacular action this fucking exhausting to watch unfold.

Fire Force Season 2 (Part 1): 7/10?

Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone in between, I present to you the greatest redemption arc in anime history. The first season of Fire Force was absolutely abysmal, awash in incomprehensible directing, utterly moronic storytelling, and some of the most obnoxious sexism in a year that included goddamn Shield Hero. There was no reason to look forward to a season 2 with anything but trepidation. But holy fucknuggets, has Fire Force’s second season turned things around. A new director is bringing actual coherency to this show’s flow, the actual story is improving in leaps and bounds, and most of the absolute worst parts of season 1 (*cough* Tamaki *cough*) have been downplayed significantly. And with just those few changes, Fire Force is finally able to become the big, dumb, stupid, fun shonen action spectacle it always had the potential to be. God, I’m actually looking forward to this show every Friday! I never thought I’d live to see that happen!

Appare-Ranman: 7/10

It’s a criminal shame that Covid’s arrival forced Appare-Ranman to delay until the summer right as it was getting going. I feel like a lot of people missed out on this show because it left us before we really had a chance to get to know it. Well, if you missed PA Works’ latest original anime, now’s the time to fix that, because Appare-Ranman is a delight. A Jules Verne-esque pulp adventure novel set in an alternate history turn-of-the-20th-century America, it follows a wide cast of colorful characters competing in the first-ever trans-America car race for a variety of motivations. So it’s essentially Anime Wacky Races with a steampunk/John Wayne bent, and it is entertaining as fuck. Every characters is an absolute delight, the way they all play off each other is even more delightful, and the protagonist is essentially a better, more sympathetic version of Senku from Doctor Stone. It can also be shockingly poignant when it puts its mind to it; the arcs many of the characters go through are deeper and more nuanced than the outlandish premise and character designs might lead you to believe. Honestly, the only thing really holding this racing show back from classic status is that there’s very little actual racing in it. It’s more an ensemble character piece than a racing anime, and while that can be disappointing, there’s more than enough cornball heart in its engine to send it over the finish line.

Deca-Dence: 7.5/10

If you have not yet watched Deca-Dence and know nothing about it, stop reading this review now and go watch Deca-Dence. This is a show that benefits from going in as blind as possible. But if you’re eager for more information before committing, just know that what starts out looking like a very good post-apocalyptic “humanity fights back against fantasy monsters” tale in the vein of Attack on Titan quickly reveals itself to have much more going on. What follows is one of the most bonkers original sci-fi series I’ve seen in a while, jam-packed with countless crazy ideas and an exploration of oppressive capitalist systems and the people who stand up to declare, “We are more than cogs in a machine.” it’s a little too much for its own good, to be honest; the plot is so stuffed and fast-moving that certain aspects of the story feel undercooked, and certain emotional beats feel underdeveloped. But man, compared to all the ways this show kicks ass, those are easy enough flaws to ignore. The characters are endearing, the action is a blast, the cavalcade of crazy plot turns makes for a constantly engaging watch, and Yuzuru Tachikawa, the director of the gobsmacking Mob Psycho 100 anime, packs every last scene with enough life and energy to power a whole house. Electrifying, smart, and so damn entertaining, Deca-Dence is the kind of anime that reminds me why this medium is so damn worthwhile. Give it a look if you haven’t already, and be prepared for one hell of an entertaining ride.

[kpopchangedme]

Two Sheep Staring at Stars | Mark Tuan [M]

Years ago, you couldn’t believe a man like Mark could really be your Soulmate. This morning, it’s his turn to find out, and he can’t believe you wasted all this time.

Protagonists: Mark Tuan & You

Word Count: 3.7k

Genre: NSFW - University - Friends - Soulmates - [Drabble 2k]

Prompts: “You heard me. Take it off.” + “Don’t you know how to knock?” 

Requested by: Anon

GOT7 | M.list

“What about you, Cece?” Your best friend rolled back her eyes at the boy’s intrusive question. His back was turned on you, but even from the entrance of the empty pub, you could hear him loud and clear. You walked over to their table, eager to meet her new classmates. Cece was nervous about starting her Engineering major, knowing she’d have to deal with a majority of male classmates. That’s why she had invited you to their first outing, but now that you were here, she looked quite at ease. It might’ve been the first week of University, but Cece always was the best at making friends after all.

“Of course not.” The entire table chuckled at her obvious reply. “You think I’d be out drinking with you in the afternoon if I’d found Her?” She smiled as soon as she spotted you and waved, scooting closer to another stranger so you could sit next to her.

“Her?” The man repeated in surprise, and you almost ran to the bench.

Hopefully, none of her new classmates were bigots.

“Cece likes women.” You enlightened, sitting and shrugging away your Fall coat and light scarf. Everyone turned like one at your unexpected entrance. You didn’t raise your head to meet their curious gazes.

“I’m gay.” She confirmed, immediately wrapping her hand around your shoulder. “Super super gay.”

“Is this your… Girlfriend?” The following question forced you to assess the man across you. The curious guy blinked, unbothered by whatever he read in your eyes. He was also the one who had asked her if she had met her Soulmate. Charming, you decide, enough for you to forgive his rudeness. He had dark wavy hair and soft brown eyes, quite built too. The other young man to his left unsubtly elbowed him, probably ashamed by his lack of manners.

Cece laughed, “Me and her?!” You joined in. As if. The single most stupid thing one could assume about you two, although men always thought this. Or rather they hoped, in many sick cases. “We’re just friends.” She enlightened, hugging you tighter. You had known each other whole life; your moms were best friends, and that basically made you spiritual sisters. “Y/n plays for the other team.”

“Oh,” the built man grinned, leaning above the table. The beer in his glass tilted dangerously, and it occurred to you they might already be drunk. You came as soon as you could after your Introduction to Greek Architecture class, but still, they had been there for a while. “Ever seen something like this?” He turned his head to the side, pulling his hair aside to expose a weirdly shaped pink birthmark behind his ear. After a heartbeat, you shook your head, offering a contrite smile. You had never seen a Soulmark like that.

Cece was pouring you a welcoming beer, purposefully ignoring this whole thing. Living in a world where everyone is bearing a mark that irrevocably ties them with their Soulmate can disinterest you real quick of the urgency of the Search.

You had heard of people like this guy, using the beginning of University to find their significant other amongst their new acquaintances. It made a lot of sense, an opportunity. Every pair that isn’t an abnormality usually has a link, a common interest that unifies them. Immediately after your reply, the man pouted, disappointed, and turned to his friend. You hadn’t even had time to properly greet anyone at the table yet. 

“Jackson!” The other guy protested, but he was already pulling down his shirt. A mark right under the man’s collarbone got exposed.

It was small as a dollar, and it contrasted with his immaculate skin by its bluish colour. A peculiar Soulmark, completed with three tiny dots on top. You blinked; it only was visible for half a second before the man freed himself, highly embarrassed. It was enough. You felt warm, stuffy. Glancing at Cece in shock, you realized she missed it, busy posting a story on her Instagram instead. The guys were distracted too, drunkenly bickering over ‘boundaries’, a concept the one named Jackson apparently often didn’t get.

Meanwhile, you were as breathless as someone who’d just received an uppercut in the stomach. Surely you were overreacting. You only saw that man’s mark for a fleeting moment. “Yours is so pretty, y/n.” Cece had once said when you were only six or seven years old, getting ready to take a bath. “No,” you had protested, staring at your bare skin in the mirror, “it’s like a dirty ink stain!” You always hated your Soulmark. Most people’s marks were colourful and gorgeous, often smaller. Cece’s was on her left boob, a peachy complex heart shape one. Some unlucky people had to bear them publicly, on arms, neck or even faces. Yours was dark and ugly, but at least it was easy to conceal. 

“So?” Jackson turned back to you, hopeful. He wasn’t ready to give up yet apparently. “What about Mark’s?”

Mark. Was that really it, the way you’d meet Him? You hadn’t even got to have a proper look at his Soulmark. You weren’t sure. You weren’t ready.

“I…” Gaping, you turned to that guy, Mark, who didn’t even meet your eyes, clearly sulking. He was unarguably beautiful, even with his messy hair and face flushed by alcohol. His traits were striking, eyes a perfect stretched moon crescent, nose long and narrow, heart-shaped lips… No way, that man was way out of your league. The Soulmate bound wouldn’t be that mismatched. You were as dull and common as it gets. “… Sorry.” You managed, and Jackson’s face fell, disappointed.

“Sorry.” Mark echoed, meaning for his friend’s behaviour. “Mark Tuan, East Asian Studies. I’ve been stuck with Jackson since kindergarten, please don’t mind him.” He met your gaze for a fleeting second, only long enough to nod and for your heart to skip a beat. You couldn’t tell if he was ever slightly rude or just shy.

“Y/n,” Cece interjected, in your stance, unaware of what that guy almost was for a second. “Classical studies, been stuck with me since the womb.”

Forcing a laugh, you rolled your eyes. “You aren’t that bad, Ce!”

And just like that. The moment passed.

Gathering all your hair with your free hand, you bend to spit your mouthful of toothpaste in the sink. Your Hair. Your second mission this morning, doing something with it is getting harder and harder. You’re growing it, and it’s been a pain in the ass. Your phone chimes in repetition, and you barely glance at it before rolling your eyes. Mark is supposed to pick you up in ten, but as usual, he’s early.

Mark: I’m here. [6:48]

Jackson: RISE AND SHINE TUAN! Where are you? I’m glad you are coming but you are wayyyyyyy too early. Doors open at 7:30. [6:48]

Jackson: I can’t see you? I’m outside the building! Where are you??? [6:48]

Mark: I’m at y/n’s place. We’re going together. [6:48]

Why would he write in the group chat when he knows Jackson has to be up already. The man won’t stop texting once he’s started. You’re sure Jinyoung is still in bed, at whoever’s he ended up with last night, cursing because his phone won’t stop vibrating.

Today is Sunday and it’s not even 7am; basically the weekend’ dawn.

Ignoring the texts that keep coming in, you finish your hair and hurry to put on base makeup. You might have agreed to attend Cece and Jackson’s robot presentation, but you don’t intend to look like a zombie there. That’s another downer about living in a world and knowing your Soulmate is somewhere out there. You might end up running into Him at an inconvenient moment, and even though it shouldn’t matter, you don’t want to look like shit. Your mom met your dad at the beach, and even after 35 years, she never shuts up about the ridiculous sunburn she had that day. Like he would’ve noticed, (he did, but obviously didn’t give a shit).

You’re busy blending a little bit of concealer under your eyes when the door to your studio opens. There’s no warning at all, just the sound of the knob turning. You probably forgot to lock it after you got your mail earlier. Jerking to face the intruder, you squeal in terror, ready to stab him with your concealer’ brush. It’s not a stranger though. In the doorframe, Mark seems as startled as you, staring you up and down with eyes wide in shock.

“Shit, Mark, you scared me!” Fuming, you walk over to hit him, but he barely flinches. “Don’t you know how to knock?!”

“I-I texted you I was coming up…” He looks away guiltily. “Lock your door if you don’t want people to walk in on you half-naked…” Shit. You’re only wearing your very see-through white cami dress. Highly embarrassed, you turn your back on him to rummage in the first drawer you find for something decent. The mortification of your exposure makes you forget to be mad. “Your neighbour, the cat enthusiast, let me in… The one who dresses like a hobo.” Your friend steps in and shuts the door as you put jeans on, probably wanting to preserve your intimacy from the rest of the corridor. 

“Jaebeom.” You reply mechanically, he is convinced you and Mark are hooking up despite you denying it many times. Still, he shouldn’t have let him in like that. It’s against the apartment complex’s policy, and he could get in trouble. Shaking your head, you throw a gray shirt over your inappropriate attire. “I think he has like… Five freaking cats now. Jaebeom’s more than an enthusiast if he were a woman everyone would call him crazy. Don’t you think it’s sexist in a way?” Carefully, you slide off your nightdress from under your clothes, staying covered. Behind you, Mark is oddly silent for someone that is usually very opinionated. You glance over your shoulder. He’s still standing in the doorway, looking like he has seen a ghost. “What? It’s never too early in the morning. Patriarchy isn’t gonna fuck itself, Tuan.”

This seems to shake him, and he steps forward with a strange urgency. “Take it off.” His jaw, that was dangling open, clenches.

You did not expect that reaction. “W-What?” It is now you that is completely shaken. Is Mark making a move? What should you do, reject him? He’s come a long way from that shy guy you met at the pub if because he’s seen a little skin he… Holy shit… You hadn’t thought about the mark on your back in years. You are not one of those who freak out at the idea of the Soulmate Bound.

“You heard me, take it off.” Mark stares at you, expression unreadable.

You force out a chuckle to ease the tension in the tiny one-bedroom apartment. Rolling up your shirt, you obey, exposing the darker spot in the middle of your back, it’s on your ribs to the right; your embarassing Soulmark. A sheep staring at stars, that’s how Cece always described it when you were kids.

He breathes out in disbelief, “Is… Is that yours?” His fingertips graze your mark, and it’s like an electric shock.

Tensing, you stare intently at the wall in front of you. “Obviously.” Releasing your shirt, eager to hide it, you snort. “Ugly, right?” Somehow you feel bad when you meet his accusatory glare like you’ve committed some sort of unforgivable sin. Oh.

“It’s mine.” He announces, clearly out of it.

“Mark.” You shake your head from side to side. He needs to get it. You need to clarify that giant misunderstanding. “There is absolutely no way. Our Soulmarks are just similar.” 

His face twists, “Are you shitting me? I can’t tell if you are serious right now.” In a heartbeat, Mark shrugs off his sweater, exposing his chest and toned abs. You focus your attention on the spot right under his collarbone; a bluish cloud shape with three dots… Despite the fact you all went together to the beach last spring break, you haven’t seen his birthmark since the first night you met. Your eyes narrow on it, trying to remember every detail. It’s true, it looks an awful lot like yours. It’s like… There’s something caught in your throat, and you can barely breathe. “You saw mine. That night.” When Mark goes on, you fawn your face, unable to stop your mind from running crazy scenarios. This can’t be. “Why didn’t you say anything? Is it because you hate the idea of being with me that much? I can’t believe I’ve been fee…” He catches himself just in time, throwing both hands to the ceiling.

“Mark, we’re gonna be late to the convention…”  Running a hand in your already messed up hair, you state this like a formality. Over with it! He’s acting insane. That’s not right. It cannot be. You’re someone that always avoids everything, confronting you on that can’t do any good. He should’ve known this. “Jackson and Cece’s presentation is–” When you attempt to walk away, Mark in on you in no time. He catches and spins you in his arms before you can protest.

“I don’t give a shit about their fucking robot.” His whisper makes you shiver treacherously. In your back, your Soulmark is throbbing, like it has a life of its own. Mark’s hand slides inside your shirt, creeping up your skin until it finds it. Maybe he’s right; maybe you really are a match. None of you needs to see to know he’s touching the right spot. In a daze, you press your fingertips on his. Mark’s skin is burning, and you can feel his heart beating almost like it’s your own.

“Shit.” You curse lowly, overwhelmed.

It’s clear he isn’t doing much better, and he presses you into him as though his life depends on it. Is that It? Mark leans in, nose brushing yours and breath fawning your lips. You seem unable to stay anchored in reality, and your response is impulsive, automatic. Cupping his face with your palms, you pull Mark into you. He finds your mouth even with both eyes closed, but stops there; hovering millimetres over a fine line that you are bound to cross.

“Is that It?” You dare aloud against his lips and feel them curl into a smile.

“If that’s not it… I think I’ll die when I meet Her…”

You both know the answer when you finally kiss though. You should’ve done it years ago. Should’ve jumped him on that very first night. 

“Fuck,” you are seeing stars, “you’re my Soulmate.”

Mark groans in reply, it’s instinctive, it’s animalistic, it’s carnal, and it ends you. Whatever string of sanity holding you back breaks. It has been mere seconds and you know you’ll be his forever. Mark halts the kiss to press his mouth on your throat as you throw your head back. He reaches to lift your shirt, unable to refrain from it. He wants to feel you all over his chest, skin to skin. It joins his sweater on the ground. You are far from protesting, already you are backing up to your bed, in the middle of the room. You aren’t sure who pushed or pull when you fall on it, chest to chest. You’re a messy mass of skin and bones, but it works, it fits.

You were made for this.

Heat courses through your veins, setting everything afire every time Mark’s tongue grazes a new spot. It’s obscene how much you crave each other, both feeling like breaking with every kiss. One. Your heart explodes. Two. More. Three. You lose your mind. Four. Never stop. Five…

Obviously, there’s no slowing this down, you’ve passed the point of no return. Your jeans are taken care of in under two minutes. Mark’s pants? You blink and they are gone. It’s a miracle, every hindrance to you touching each other disappears, it’s magical. You only realize you’re fully naked when he naturally falls between your legs. Mark rolls forward and you curl in delight. He pants kisses more and more inconsistent. He rubs himself between your legs again, burying his face in your neck. In all the years you’ve known each other, you never imagined you’d end up like this. You spread your thighs wider, allowing Mark to run his cock on your slit. When he brushes your clit, you curse, throwing your head back on the mattress. 

“M-Mark,” your voice is husky, and he raises his head to observe you, “now.” 

“Now?” He repeats, astounded, completely lost. You nod, fighting back many shivers. “But–”

“Now, or…” Your words turn to a gasp when he rolls his hips again, making you see all the stars of the milky way behind your shut eyelids. Now. You reach between your legs, aligning him to your entrance. In your palm, his cock is already wet from your juices. You’ve never been this turned on, your skin is tingling everywhere. “I-I can’t.”

Mark smiles, dropping to peck your lips. “Take our time another time?” You nod in a hurry and he chuckles, pressing you into the mattress. His tip enters your core languidly. “Okay, but only because you want me too much…” Mark finally agrees a little bit too smug for your usual taste.

Right now, you don’t find it in yourself to care. All your attention is on your bodies merging slowly. You stretch deliciously around his length as he sinks in. Despite what you requested, Mark is still taking his time. You give in to your impatience, reaching for his hips. Guiding him to you, you pull until he’s completely inside, pressed against your body. It’s amazing.

Mark is inside you, throbbing. You both lay there for a few heartbeats, revelling in this overwhelming sensation of proximity. Never has intimacy felt that great in the history of the world. You’re sure of it. You want to express this to him, and you lack the words, but one silent exchange seems enough for him to get everything. After a moment, Mark pulls away slightly to better slam back in, and you squeal in glee. Oh, shit. He’s done taking his time. He finds a rhythm quickly, hips meeting yours roughly. You raise your pelvis to help, body bouncing on the mattress with every thrust. It is loud, your apartment fills with filthy moans, sounds, and the creaking of your bed.

“I…” Mark grunts, brows sweaty from the strain. You reach for the headboard to push against him, you want more. “I w-won’t…”

Knowing what he means, you slide your calves up against his ribs, letting him hit a better angle. It’s deeper and rougher. If he won’t last long that’s fine. You couldn’t bear this tempo much longer either. He raises on his hands to allow you to raise your knees even higher on your chest. Your pelvis is now perfectly curved. When he slams in this time, he reaches that spot you wanted him too. 

“Oh f-fuck,” you gasp and your legs begin to shake, “M-Mark…” You cry when he hits it again, fervour renewed by your vocal reaction. “Shit shit shit.” 

Curses fall of your mouth, mixed with an incessant flow of praises. It’s so incredible you’re not there anymore, lost for good, away with the fairies. Mark doesn’t falter once he’s found what goes for you. He manages to stay in control long enough for you to break. You come so hard you stop making sounds altogether, almost going blind at the high of it. When you slowly return to your body, Mark is also done. His hips lag, and he empties himself inside you with triumphant last thrusts. 

Both of you are completely spent. Shattered, Mark falls next to you, sweaty and breath unstable. It takes a few minutes for you to muster enough will to move, but when you do, he’s pleased to welcome you on his chest. A sheep stargazing, you see it now. On him, your mark is way cuter somehow.

“Was it…” Mark trails off, after a while, hesitating. “Did you…” 

Your index tracing his Soulmark stills. Is he serious? You don’t get much more vocal than that. Besides, you can still feel the remnants of your orgasm down in the soles of your damned feet. It was crazy strong. 

You hesitate too before remembering Mark is also your friend. You can be honest with him. “Like a Tsunami,” you confess, “I’m deceased.”

Mark laughs proudly, pulling you closer. “Ha, me too…” He seems to ponder on something for a minute, letting a comfortable silence fall behind you. “I guess Jackson can shut up about us now. He wanted me to date you, even without our marks matching. He couldn’t–” 

“Oh. Shit.”

“What?” Mark frowns, confused by your interruption. “He’s just like that, you know? He cares, and he wanted me to be happy, even if it wasn’t with my Soulmate. But clearly, you’re It.”

“Jackson.” You repeat like a fatality, but still, he doesn’t seem to get it. “Cece. Their presentation.” 

“Holy shit!” Mark suddenly stands, probing around the room to gather his clothes. “We’re so late! They’ve been working on this for a year!” You can’t help but laugh, unable to be stressed when you’re in post-coital delight. As soon as you’re next to him, Mark pulls you into him for a back hug. He wraps his arms around you, kissing your elbow before whispering in your ear: “I bet you won’t laugh when they send Terminator to exterminate us.” This doesn’t tone down your amusement at all. “Ok, now… More clothes, less fun!”

“Take our time another time?” You ask, quoting him back as you pick up your underwear.

Mark snorts, “I have all the time in the world now that I have found you…”

GOT7 | M.list

[mirrorfalls]

The Alchemist When He’s Full of Metal, Vol. 27

(Vol. 1, Vol. 2, Vol. 3, Vol. 4, Vol. 5, Vol. 6, Vol. 7, Vol. 8, Vol. 9, Vol. 10, Vol. 11, Vol. 12, Vol. 13, Vol. 14, Vol. 15, Vol. 16, Vol. 17, Vol. 18, Vol. 19, Vol. 20, Vol. 21, Vol. 22, Vol. 23, Vol. 24, Vol. 25, Vol. 26)

And lo, there shall be an ending.

A double-triple-deluxe ending. It’s never an easy prospect, giving everyone something to do in your Grand Finale, but the genre pretty much demands it - even when the finesse needed to juggle dozens of protagonists and deuteragonists in the same room have crushed countless otherwise-talented writers. On the low end of the scale, of course, we have our pick of any Big Two kill-a-hundred-C-listers-cripple-a-couple-more crisis crossover (which, adding insult to injury, never actually end anything apart from the fans’ patience), and on the high end...

... on the high end, this is a pretty good candidate.*

I suppose I’m cheating, since this particular Final Battle started anywhere from one to six volumes beforehand, during which everyone from the Armstrongs to the Curtises to the Xingese to Scar to Marcoh to Yoki got to contribute something. But this is where the not-my-our victory theme truly congeals. Here, a lesser writer would’ve decided everyone else has already done their part and relegated them to cheerleading while Ed pastes the Dwarf solo; here, Arakawa makes damn sure that you know Ed owes it all to the sacrifices of unambiguous friends....

... and supposed foes.

Now, in case you think I’m getting too gushy: I still think the Dwarf in itself is an underwhelming Big Bad, and its actual “death” scene is visually impressive but emotionally not too different from setting the week’s trash out on the curb. I’m also not too unsympathetic to those who came away from this scene deciding Truth is the real Big Bad of the series**, or that the true moral is closer to “Equivalent Exchange rules all... but there’s still a guy at the top who gets to rule on what Equivalent is.”

A point made all too clear by what comes after.

Don’t get me wrong - I love that Arakawa doesn’t let the Epic War story get the last word over the small, all-too-human quest the Elrics started out on. And Ed’s giving up all his powers (and implicitly at least 75% of his combat ability) is still refreshingly unique among Shonen protagonists, even counting those whose powers are literally lethal curses. But I really could’ve done without Truth suddenly deciding to like and approve of the kid like some kind of auxiliary sensei. Even if it’s not a cheat - and I don’t think the manga ever denies that every single Gate Exchange only happened because Truth let it happen - it drains quite a bit of ambiguity and hardship from a scene that could only have benefited from both.

And then you’ve got Mustang’s equivalent to the above:

Okay, so Mustang never willingly entered the Gate - it’s fair enough he’d get his eyes back with less fuss, and on top of that he doesn’t actually get to be Fuehrer. I’ve no complaints on that front, but I wish a bit more space had been devoted to the Ishvalans beyond “Bad Army Men out, Good Army Men make everything okay for you oppressed peons now!” In particular, it feels off for Scar’s final scene to be with the uniforms that wreaked so much havoc on his people; I’m not saying he should’ve turned his backs on them entirely, but tell me it wouldn’t have been more heartwarming to see him rejoining the other Ishvalan refugees, or even Mei and Yoki.

Speaking of heartwarming... okay, I don’t have the time or space to go into all of the different epilogue-threads, but I’d just like to highlight this one in particular, because more than any of the others it lands just the right amount of hope.

Selim is, in the final analysis, a Nina who was saved - an innocent child, involved in repulsive alchemy experiments through no fault of his own, now untangled from it all and allowed to live as freely as he can. And through him, Arakawa raises a question I’d been wondering a while now: why should Homunculi be so feared and hated on sight, to the point where Mustang and friends spend multiple chapters acting like the Fuehrer being a Homunculus should in itself be a career-ending scandal? Oh, the seven Sins have the whole stigma from the Dwarf, fair enough, but they can’t have been the only Homunculi in existence, else the secrecy of their existence would preclude Amestris even having a term for it; and hell, when the chips were down, one of those seven turned around and gave its life to do the right thing.

They can learn. They can change. They can love. Not for certain - but then, a child should never be a promise, only potential. Potential to go higher than the last generation ever dreamed - or lower than it ever dreaded.

And that, ladies and gents, was Fullmetal Alchemist.

Is it good? Definitely.

Is it great? In many parts, yes.

Is it the epitome of everything the Internet says it is? No - at least, not at the stage I read it.

I can say this without hesitation: if this had been my first or second or even fifth Shonen, devoured anytime during my school years, I’d almost certainly be a full-on stan today. It’s a machine with many, many excellent parts - maybe too many to build a properly excellent whole. You’ve got all the talent and ingredients for a first-rate fighting fantasy, or globetrotting political thriller, or horror-fable about the follies of playing God, or goofy-ass romcom, or heartbreaking war drama, or a half-dozen other storytypes. Perhaps a more seasoned author could’ve mined the strongest benefits of each while keeping them all in line; as-is, they compete with each other as much as they complement. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve seen a perfectly poignant moment cut apart by an ill-timed joke, or how many many potentially interesting plot/character moments were either let down by insufficient worldbuilding or left dangling altogether.

(I’m told that 108 is some sort of sacred number in Japan, so I presume Arakawa had the total length mapped out before she even started the series, But as any author can tell you, no outline survives contact with reality; some characters might have been better off folded into others, some plot-threads trimmed altogether. I, for one, still can’t quite figure out why the heroes needed four chimeras turned to their side.)

At my current age, I suppose my eyes are a little too jaded, a little too impatient with (or worse, eager to point out) shortcomings big and small and subjective alike. But make no mistake: I don’t regret finally finishing this little epic, and if half my mutuals’ accounts are to be believed, it's just the start of the real fun to be had with the series.

Hi-ho, to AO3!

*The midpoints that come most immediately to (my) mind are Harry Potter, Gravity Falls, and Samurai Jack. Which stands atop which is an exercise for the individual reader.

**Y’know, there is still plenty of time for Arakawa to roll out a sequel series where our heroes fight actual God instead of a wannabe. ‘til then, let’s content ourselves with this.