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temptaetions · 2 months

Text

angel eyes 🪽 b.cc (m)

a/n: the photo above is from stray kids' skz magic school shoot. i don’t own the media. i clearly got carried away writing this, because it's so long. however, i hope you guys enjoy it. obviously none of this is real...so does accuracy matter?

✩ spellbound secrets series m.list

✩ synopsis: you’ll think you’re in paradise, and one day you’ll find out he wears a disguise, don’t look too deep…

✩ genre: idiots to lovers | love epiphany au | teacher x student

✩ pairing: ??? b.cc x fem!compassion conjurer!reader

✩ word count: 21.6k | lowercase intended.

✩ rating: 18+. minors do not fucking interact.

✩ warning(s): quite a few time skips. minor character death, mentions of a car accident, semi descriptive. y/n has a scar across her body (not self inflicted, how it was inflicted is not described), both y/n and chan have unresolved issues with love, chan's kind of a dick in the beginning. swearing, mutual pining, alcohol consumption, brief mentions of blood, y/n has a medical episode, once more horribly written smut [between b.cc x reader: unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!!!!), creampie, oral (f. receiving...he starts eating it thru the panties LOL), so much kissing, some (nude) grinding, missionary (because i'm an emotional bitch), light nipple play (clothed), crying during sex, multiple orgasms, reader begs a lot, some biting, light choking (m. receiving), a bit of alluding to sex as 'extra credit' and subtly feeding the professor x student power dynamic]. (more information about y/n: she glows, kind of like a glowstick, and she can float around instead of walking.)

✩ what to listen to: angel eyes - abba | the chain - fleetwood mac | bodyache - purity ache | if it isn't love - new edition | cherish the day - sade

tuesday – november 02.

it's slow, the fall. it feels like liebesträume.

feeling lost is an understatement.

he's been lost before - in grocery stores, not understanding assignments. shit, he's even been lost in the woods before. he knows what it's like to be lost, physically. he knows what it's like to not know what his emotions mean, either, so that also counts in his book.

but this? this feeling that he's just wandering the world? not knowing where his purpose lies, or what he's meant to be doing with said unrealized purpose? this is a feeling of damn near disorientation, isolation, off fucking course. it's all the same anyway. everything is the same, nearly everyday.

he wakes up, brushes his teeth. greets changbin and hyunjin at the table for breakfast, and gets ready for the day. goes to class, daydreams. he comes home, has lunch with jisung sometimes, and goes to the gym with changbin at seven-thirty. every few fridays, he'll go to one of the university baseball games, cheering on seungmin and jisung while sharing nachos with his ex-fling, sooyoung, and her best friend (who so happened to be seungmin's former girlfriend.) then, he's home again, he showers, he sleeps for a few hours.

every. single. day.

he gets bored, but reminds himself he needs to find peace in the routine. it's all he knows – he doesn't know what's keeping him here, but he's aware it's something. everyone knows it's something, but have no answers for him. he's sought after so many master sorcerers across all dimensions, begging to find an end to his equation, but to no avail.

he has no idea who he is, or what purpose he serves, and he pretends he's okay with it. he soothes by saying that not all can be known.

he pretends it's fine as he goes through his days, as he goes to class, as he talks to girls. he doesn't feel much of anything when he does these things, but the women he speaks to certainly do. they grin from ear to ear, like cheshire cats, when they get a moment to speak to the uncertainty that is bang chan.

but, it's fine. he's fine, it's really not a big deal.

he's in his last year of grad school, hoping to just bury himself in his studies to stop the feeling of impending doom. normally, you open up shop right after undergrad. you offer your services, barter for goods, sometimes get paid in a goat and two chickens instead of money. so many of his friends have already done so, relishing in the satisfaction that is being a sorcerer and mastering their craft.

what the fuck is he supposed to do? study until his fingers fall off and his brain becomes putty?

"i dunno, man. you could become a genius." jisung spoke around a mouthful of blueberries, and chan grimaced. "what? i'm bulking up!" shaking his head, chan closed his notebook. shoving it into his bookbag, he sighs. "i don't think i want to know everything there is to know, ji."

"doesn't knowing everything you need to know, start with knowing yourself?" minho teases from across the table, winking at jisung over his coffee cup. the younger boy nearly chokes, getting a whack across the back to aid in not seeing god. "don't flirt with him, he'll have an aneurysm." "hey!" jisung sputters, but the three of them know it's true. how jisung was the campus' playboy, no one would ever know. chan didn't even know if jisung could read when they first met. "you know it's true, ji. i gotta head out, i have a night class this semester with professor y/l/n, i finally got my schedule fixed. changbin is going to hate me because i'm going to miss the gym every tuesday and thursday." chan groans as he swings his bag over his shoulder, and the two men watch as he slides his headphones on, walking out of the library.

he's insufferable lately, and they don't know why. they assume he needs to kiss someone, preferably sooner rather than later.

"you think the poor guy knows what he's in for?" minho mumbles, closing his textbook. jisung shakes his head, popping another blueberry in his mouth. "i hear she's ruthless. i mean, if i was an anomalistic prodigy with gorgeous thighs like hers, i would be, too." "shut up, you can't even kill spiders."

your classroom is surprisingly cozy as he strolls in. the lights are dimmed, and there are blankets draped across many chairs. he looks around, spotting a green couch in the back. raising his eyebrows, he makes a beeline for it, hearing other people start to trickle in.

setting up his laptop on the table before him, he lets his eyes wander.

the walls are plastered with entomology posters, and he scrunches his nose as he sees a taxidermied praying mantis on your desk. he remembers what you said in your speech at your commencement ceremony – "the people of ancient greece and egypt saw the praying mantis as a guide. a guide for those who needed direction, and my god, have i needed it. life truly does go on and i am further amazed by how deeply it fills me with joy to stand here before you. the people of ancient greece and egypt saw the praying mantis as a guide, and i am so honored to be the mantis that prays for you."

you were the university's little treat, their trophy to parade. their only compassion conjurer and possessor of the will to practice benevolent magic. you cared of nothing more but to help those around you, you never said no. you never denied yourself to be utilized to find peace. he admired you, but not really. it was twisted, but he thinks you should…help yourself. he believes you should be selfish, at least once in a while.

he didn't really know you, but he hadn't expected to, either. you seemed like you were constantly on the go. you floated about, sort of like a ghost. your hands often clasped behind your back, a warm golden glow surrounding you. he'd heard from some people that they've seen it change color, but he never has.

but again, he didn't know you.

"chan!"

the voice whips him out of his thoughts, and he looks up to see yugyeom. he smiles, reaching his hand out for a dap from his oldest friend. "hey! how have you been? still on the baseball team?" "nah, i quit after i started dating doyeon. apparently, she has quite the track record with the team." he whistles, pulling out his laptop as he slides on the couch. "you quit the team for a girl?" chan questions, and yugyeom gives him a shy smile.

"she's not just any girl, chan. i think…she could be the one." he shrugs, a blush coating his cheeks as chan bumps his shoulder. "aww, that's so gross."

"shut up. what happened with you and sooyoung? did you guys break it off?" yugyeom takes a sip of his water, and chan nods as he sees more people walk in and take their seats. "yeah, we stopped fucking around. i wasn't as emotionally invested as she was, and i felt awful for it but we ended on good terms. i'm just not ready for a relationship and i should have made that clear. that was months ago, though, and we're fine." he shrugs, and feels an odd shiver down his spine. he shakes it off, continuing the casual conversation with yugyeom.

the door opens, and they both stop talking to look up. you're floating in gracefully, dark hair framing your face, a few scattered gold strands sprouting at the crown of your head. a bit like a halo, really. long, wine red nails reach for the light switch, dimming the lights even lower.

"good evening, everyone. eyes up front, please." your voice is softer than at your ceremony, but just as confident. you're looking around, your glow dimming lightly as your eyes stop in his direction. chan's eyes flicker to yugyeom, who is smiling at his phone, thumbs typing rapid fire. shaking his head, he looks up at you, your gaze on yugyeom. chan bumps his foot, and his head shoots up. your eyes are slightly amused, "you're paying for this class. i suggest you pay attention." "sorry." he slides his phone in his jacket, and chan bites back a laugh as he clicks his pen. smiling, you redirect your attention. "welcome to identity theory! i'm professor y/l/n, but you guys can call me y/n. you might already know me, as i'm the university's only compassion conjurer, and that is exactly why i'm teaching this class." you hold up the syllabus, and begin walking around to pass them out.

"this is an extension course to the one you took in undergrad, self-discovery 101. here, we are going to further delve into ourselves, and figure out who we are outside of our powers, or what purpose they serve. i like to focus on eudaimonic theory, but if you guys have any others you want to talk about, i'm open for discussion. i also want to apologize for starting the class so late in the year. i promise the workload isn't much, i was just having a hard time deciding if i wanted to teach this class. i wouldn't be doing much soul searching with you guys, i'm already the trophy wife of the administration."

he likes your voice. it's smooth, unwavering even as you apologize and joke, even as you let your feet touch the ground. he feels his chest grow hot as you graze everyone's table with your fingers, a soft chatter beginning amongst the students. he's not nervous, but you're very commanding. he likes the way you grab attention, despite it now seemingly about to be directed to someone in the room.

"your eyes are very pretty." you stop in front of him, and the class grows quiet. you look down at him, the soft light around you a little brighter. he feels his cheeks flush, as he nods in confusion. "do they glow brighter the more i make you nervous?" you tease, and he looks away.

"cute." you slide his syllabus in front of him, and he takes it with a soft thank you.

his eyes were the only thing that gave him that something that people always mentioned. they swirled, every now and again, the brown glowing slightly violet at their own will. nobody knew what it was, but it seemed to take your interest. you move forward with the lecture, not even attempting to hide the subtle boredom in your voice as you go over the syllabus.

"i will see you all on thursday! have a safe night!" you cheer, and the students seem to bask in your happiness as you let them out of the room. you float about, and catch chan at the tail end of the gaggle of students. "you, pretty eyes."

his headphones are in the way, and you place your hand on his arm. his skin is warm to the touch, and he jumps at the contact before turning around, sliding them off. "oh, i'm sorry. did you need me?" "i just wanted to say, i hope my teasing didn't make you uncomfortable. sometimes it just slips out." you smile, and you notice one..two dimples make their presence on his cheeks. "don't worry, it's alright. is that all?" "no, actually." you hold up his file, and he seems to know exactly what's coming. "i don't know my abilities, if that's what you're going to ask. and i won't answer any questions about my parents, that's also in there."

his eyes hold something heavy, and you notice your glow dim as he speaks. if he does, he doesn't mention it. "alright, then i guess that's it. i'm sorry if i disturbed some emotional blockage." your brows furrow lightly, and he raises his own.

"whatever." he mumbles, and slides his headphones back on. he walks away, and you feel your lips tug into a frown. you wonder what his problem is as you walk back into your classroom, sliding the file into your desk drawer.

"you try and make a classroom a home."

thursday – november 12.

from: [email protected]

hello, chan. this is professor y/l/n. i noticed you didn't show up to class last thursday, tuesday, or tonight.

i took it upon myself to look into your file again, with permission from the administration. i want to apologize for the sudden hot seat on tuesday after class, i was unaware of your situation and just wanted some insight. i can see how this made you uncomfortable, and i am sorry for causing said discomfort. i want you to be able to enjoy my class, and hopefully we can traverse that journey together.

that being said, i have come up with a new assignment for you, for the time being. since you don't really know what your specialties are, i can't grade based on performance or any papers delving into how they affect your life, personality, etc.

below is the rubric designed for this assignment. i spoke to the administration, and they're on board with this approach. if anything is too much, please don't hesitate to send me an email, or a text. my number is also below. have a good weekend!

signed,

y/n y/l/n

identity theory

spellbound institute of magic

psychology department

555-8212

he's been staring at this email for the last half hour. he even let hyunjin read over it, asking if he was seeing shit.

he'd skipped your class on thursday, and today. he didn't want to see you, so he avoided the psych hall altogether. he didn't really know how to feel as he switched tabs to the rubric you'd sent, essentially just saying you wanted an essay on how he's been coping with not being sure of his path in life.

how does he feel about it? does it bother him, and if he could pick, which abilities would he pick? his brain says the ability to never see you again, but his heart pangs as he rereads the postscript at the bottom of your email.

p.s. i am once again very sorry. i hope to see you in class on thursday, channie. - y/n

channie. ugh, his heart ached. he'd been so rude.

"you're thinking too hard." changbin sings from the living room, and chan sighs. "how would you know? you can't read minds." he rolls his eyes, shutting his laptop. changbin walks into the dining room, leaning over the back of a chair. "i know that look. the furrowed brows, the pout. you're thinking way too hard about this, and it was an honest mistake on your professor's part. you need to apologize, you grumpy bitch." "yeah, i don't really think it's a huge deal, either." hyunjin chimes in from the kitchen, and chan frowns. "you guys think i'm being overdramatic?" "i think your emotional repression is getting to you, you've been so insufferable lately. when's the last time you got laid?" hyunjin teases as he slides into a chair, and changbin wiggles his brows in agreement. "ugh, don't even." chan slumps his head against the wall. maybe seven months? he has a lot of pent up frustration. maybe not enough to write about his feelings and how annoyed it made him that you were digging into his life this early into him meeting you. what did you need to know, anyway? "isn't your professor that compassion conjurer paradigm? i heard the speech she gave at the convention last year, and i saw the photos. she's gorgeous, that glow around her all the time?" changbin whistles smoothly, and chan's stomach does a flip. he also saw the photos, but couldn't bring himself to think anything of them. he barely remembers watching your speech, too, but he certainly remembers the way your hips swayed as you walked off the stage.

he grimaces, feeling a bit gross at ogling you.

"she's fine." he shrugs, and changbin gives hyunjin a knowing look. "so, she's hot and you're into her. that's why she has you so worked up."

"i beg your finest fucking pardon, seo?" chan blinks, and hyunjin smirks. "then beg, channie. i'm sure professor y/l/n would like it if you did, she seems like the type. get on some dating apps, man. you need stress relief." chan scoffs, shoving his laptop into his backpack. "i'll be in my room, if you decide to stop talking about romancing my professor."

hyunjin and changbin snicker as chan storms off, his door slamming behind him as he flops onto his bed. sure, you were…okay. okay, you're hot. you're so fucking hot.

but, he doesn't like you. he doesn't like that you put him on the spot, and he doesn't like that you intended to ask so many personal questions right off the bat. he also doesn't like that his roommates are probably right – he probably is angry because he needs to get laid.

he groans into his pillow, fishing his phone out of his pocket. he unlocks it, opening the stupid app. "spellbound soulmates, how dumb." he mutters, unpausing his profile. he goes through it, updating photos and prompts. once he's satisfied, he goes to his deck.

left. left. left. left. right. right. left. left.

y/n, 26

compassion conjurer, benevolence magic

biography: sexy as fuck by day, sexy psych prof by night. everything you've heard is true.

interests: if your ass is phat, swipe right 🥵

his eyes widen, your smiling face staring back at him. scrolling through your profile, he sees mostly modest photos – you holding a tray of shots being the most scandalous. not a sliver of skin showing above your waist, but plenty of short skirts showing off your full thighs. you're smiling in every photo, but he can't think of anything except your lips parted, your thighs around his head. moaning his name.

alright, chris. he thinks. chill the fuck out.

he contemplates it for a bit, scrolling up and down your profile when he just shakes his head, closing the app and tossing his phone to the side. he flips onto his back, letting the pillow close around his ears.

he hates to admit it, because he doesn't know you. he doesn't dislike you, per say. but he's not very fond of your subtle insistence.

it's not necessarily your fault, but he really doesn't like talking about his family, especially his parents. only his friends know, and even then, it took all of four years to even bring it up. the fact that they're humans is a huge deal, and he can't risk their safety like that.

not to mention, admissions begged him to keep it a secret. they were toeing the line, chan being the third person in the university's history to have human parents. they knew about the world of magic, but didn't really have the abilities to take care of chan the way it was necessary.

so they didn't. they sent him to boarding school from a young age, and made it a point to frequently visit him. he sees them at least four times a year, but it's never enough time. he feels like he's missing a place to call home.

he feels so alone.

it's not your fault. and he knows he needs to apologize. he just has too much pride right now.

he hears a knock, and changbin opens the door. "hey, what are you doing? i'm going to the gym, want to come with?" chan sighs, before forcing himself out of bed.

tuesday – november 17.

he's sitting on your couch today.

legs spread, hair tucked under a cap. black, like the rest of his clothes. he looks relaxed, his fingers dancing across his laptop as yugyeom shows him something on his phone. he just nods, and you can't make out what his lips say.

you'd been feeling terrible about the events of last week, and hadn't gotten so much as an email from him. not about the assignment, not about how he clearly hates you, or even addressing your apology. you didn't understand him, but you don't know him, either.

the past three classes, you'd gotten to know your students. minnie, soyeon and shuhua were your favorite (and only) group, giggling in the corner over their laptops. they were all herbomancers, and you could tell simply based on how giggly they were. they chatted, and last thursday, shuhua was so high she just sat against her chair and stared into the abyss. you found it a little funny, when soyeon and minnie would have to drag her out of your class.

mingyu was a constant flirt, and you attributed it to his matchmaking expertise. he was one of the few cupidancers on campus, and you'd seen him about before. he had the ability to entrance people, to get them high off his attention, and you often saw girls with hearts in their eyes after speaking to him. it was quite the sight, to see someone emotionally orgasm. the fact that you were his professor didn't stop him from smiling at you, making suggestive comments, overall trying to weasel into your heart. you simply played his game, making him flustered.

yugyeom was too enthralled with his phone, and his girlfriend, to complete the assignments. the fact that minnie had slid eighty dollars his way told you his spirit weaving ways were some for the books – and so did minnie – as she rambled about a party at beta tau that past weekend. "you should come sometime, y/n. you'd get so wasted but it'd be so worth it."

you liked that they felt so at ease with you, speaking to you like you were nothing special. you liked being their age, being able to relate to the crazy parties and not worry about how you'd get home the morning after. you enjoyed the intimacy of the small class, but not the coldness surrounding who you would deem your most intriguing student.

he just sits there and he looks so nice. the slope of his neck, the way his fingers bounce on the keys of his laptop. the sheen of his lips from the cherry lip balm he applies three or four times over the two hours of your class. the way your hue almost changes from gold to pink from staring at him, and you know you catch some of their eyes as it tries.

"why do you glow, y/n?" you can hear minnie's hazy voice from the back of the room, and you feel yourself a bit dimmer than usual as you fight down the feelings of lust. "i actually don't know. the master sorcerers never told me, but i know it can be several different colors. care to ask me what they mean?" you wiggle your brows, and minnie giggles.

"pink means you're turned on, huh?" mingyu calls from his seat between shuhua and soyeon, earning a smack from both of them. you chuckle as he pouts, "what? i hooked up with a compassion conjurer last year in the second dimension, forgive me for assuming." "i thought you were bitchless, gyu? what a nice surprise, loverboy." shuhua teases, and mingyu just rolls his eyes. "well, he's not wrong."

their heads whip back to you, and you're purposely glowing gold. you're glad they don't make it weird, their eyes full of glee. "i know those sex flashbacks gotta be good, y/n." minnie giggles, and sighs dreamily. "i once got one in undergrad during the ochem final. i ran out of time and failed."

you laugh, floating closer to their table. "the colors mean a lot of things. i can also change them at will, if one isn't overpowering the other. the hues and brightness also amplify how i feel, which makes it really hard to hide any of my thoughts. for example," you pause, closing your eyes. you feel the warmth of blue overtake you, and hear a soft ooh.

opening your eyes, you give a quick spin. "blue means i'm sad, disappointed, or at ease. i rarely get this one, it usually happens when i'm with my closest friends and can act on impulse."

the quartet looks amazed as you continue to change colors, explaining them slowly.

green, for envy, and disgust. you also rarely turn this color, and it is amongst the most dim that you've ever been. pink, for lust. you say it's your favorite color, but not your favorite feeling. orange for anger, and you recall that you only turned this color when in your mother's presence, and that you hated this one. silver, for remembrance and emptiness, and they don't require an explanation as the light grows brighter, your face deepening in sadness before you shake your head.

you exhale, before letting the cold of indigo overtake you. they gasp, and you feel shivers rack your body before you can finally speak.

"this is the only one i don't understand. i can make it seem darker, too." you say calmly, eyeing the dimness of it. it glowed almost like a blacklight, and at your will, it turned a deep violet, lining your extremities in black pixels. "have you ever felt it before?" soyeon pops a piece of gum in her mouth, offering a piece to you. taking one gently, you shrug as you unwrap it.

"nope. this one feels cold, though. the others feel warmer, like a blanket. this is like, sub-zero temperatures." you slide the piece into your mouth, feeling your golden glow return as you speak. "that's so cool, though. thank you for sharing." shuhua is gazing at you, fondness riddled in her eyes. you feel your cheeks heat, as you smile.

"my pleasure. class is over in twenty minutes, so wrap up whatever it is you're doing and i might let you guys dip out early." you nod at them, floating in the direction of yugyeom and chan. looking up from your gum wrapper, you see chan looking at you intently, his eyes slightly swirling with that same violet glow from tuesday.

"hey, pretty eyes. so kind of you to grace us with your presence today." your teasing makes him grimace, a hint of annoyance flashing through his eyes. "paying for the class, might as well pay attention." he mutters, echoing the first words you said to yugyeom.

your brows furrow at his attitude, and you watch yugyeom slip away, beckoned by minnie with a piece of pink paper. chan glances at you, closing his laptop and shoving it in his bag with indignance. "why are you acting like this? i already apologized." you feel your glow flash orange, before feeling the soft tinge of blue creeping up your back. his eyes are still violet, but they've softened. "i'm just trying to help you, chan."

"i don't think you can help, when you're part of the problem." he mumbles, his gaze never moving from your eyes. you sense blue creeping up your neck, and succumb to it, letting it blaze. "how disappointing, for a teacher to try and aid you in finding your path of life." your annoyance is visible as you spin, directing your attention to the gaggle of students watching your interaction. soyeon's eyes are wide as you dismiss them, asking them to please let the door close instead of leaving it propped open.

the words aren't even out of your mouth when you hear the door slam, yugyeom pitiful eyes confirming your thoughts. they begin to stand up, heading for the door when yugyeom splits from them, circling back to you.

"don't worry about chan. he's being a dick, it's not your fault." he places a hand on your shoulder, and you give him a sad smile. "i know, yug. i know."

a soft squeeze to your shoulder and he's gone, you're alone in your room. you sigh deeply, letting the most overwhelming hue of all take over.

the same dark red you felt all those years ago, letting it overwhelm you entirely. you sink into your desk chair, letting the soft burn of grief sink into your skin. you can close your eyes and still see it, the wine color in front of you. the one that matches your nails, and on occasion, your lipstick. the one that makes you ache the most, and yearn for those who are no longer here.

you miss him.

just like you miss chan's wide eyes, not having heard the creak of the wooden door in your turmoil. he slips away.

— ☆ — — ☆ —— ☆ —— ☆ —— ☆ —— ☆ —— ☆ —— ☆ —

later that night, you're sitting in your bathtub, letting the hot water relax your muscles. you hear your phone ping, and you reach for it.

from: [email protected]

hello, professor y/l/n. i have read your email a few times since it was sent.

i accept your apology. i also accept this assignment, and will submit it as my final project grade, as per the rubric allows.

that being said, i will not be in class on thursday due to a prior commitment. feel free to email me back with any questions you may have, only those regarding the assignment will be answered.

signed,

bang christopher chan

spellbound institute of magic

general magic

you glare at the email, and let orange flicker like the light of your limoncello candle. you made no effort to question it, simply letting it slide. you send back an automated reply, sounds good! have a good weekend.

thursday – november 19.

chan hated meeting his parents in secret.

like it were a crime, to want to see them. he hated acting like it didn’t bother him that his siblings were growing up and he didn’t know them, he didn’t know what they liked, or what they did for fun. he felt so left out of everything, but still framed the photos they sent him. he still tucked their letters in a box for safe keeping, he still yearned to be loved by them.

not that they didn’t love him, but obviously it’s hard to do so from a distance. so they sit in the middle of the forest that surrounds the university, exactly 50 miles from all civilization. they sit there, for hours, and catch up.

“any luck yet?” his father peers at chan over a steaming plate of food, and he shakes his head. “no answers yet. if i don’t find out before the end of the semester, the master sorcerers said they’d figure something out.”

his mother sighs, her spoon stirring the canteen that held her warm coffee. "it'll be alright soon, channie. have you focused on other things? maybe find a nice girl to settle down with?" his father watches as chan visibly tenses, before pulling his wife close. "jagi, maybe that's for another time." she grimaces.

"i disagree. if he's having issues with other parts of his life, he needs to put it on the back burner for a second and figure out other parts. when you can't find a piece of a puzzle, you pick another part to focus on, do you not? the goal of life is to not let one bad thing, or one disappointing moment deter you from finding the answer to your qualms." she rolls her eyes, earning a smile from her husband.

"okay, she has a point." his father relents, and chan just shakes his head. "i'm not ready for a relationship.' "what about that girl, sooyoung?" his mother won't back down and he knows that. "moving on from my love life, i'm content. i'm fine with things, i have my friends, i have my studies. i'll get an answer eventually." he shrugs, trying not to let it show how much it gets to him.

"chan." she slides her arm across the picnic table, grasping his hand gently. "you're not happy. you can't possibly be, with all the turmoil you feel. you're like an angsty teenager who has never stepped outside his room." "yeah, well. life goes on." he mutters, and she feels her heart sink as he pulls his hand away, checking the time on his watch. "i think i'd better start heading back. i have an early day tomorrow." he's lying. they know it, but they begrudgingly allow him to bid them goodbye. they watch him

walk to his car, and flash his hi-beams as a final farewell before pulling off.

thursday - november 26.

it's been about a month since chan started taking your class.

and it's been about a month since he's been able to say a single word to you without the same tone of indignance on the tip of his tongue. seeing him look indifferent in the back of your classroom made it all the better, though, because at least now he was in class. he didn't speak to you unless you spoke to him first, but he was on time and attentive.

you liked something about him, but you didn't really know what. it's quite possible you just have a little lustful wishing for him, but it felt…weird. it felt strange, you could practically feel your skin on fire every time you glanced at him, catching his eyes every once in a while. he never held the gaze for longer than a few seconds.

as for his violet eyes, you hadn't seen them since. you saw him smile with yugyeom. you've heard him laugh, the sound so sweet to your ears. you hated that your glow was so evident when his giggle resounded in the classroom.

you thought nobody noticed, the students didn't treat you any differently than their own friends. soyeon, minnie and shuhua made it a point to start inviting you out to drinks, and mingyu flirted with you relentlessly. you simply took the interactions in stride, and smiled politely as you kept the lectures going.

but tonight? chan wasn't in class (again) so you didn't have anyone to fawn over. mingyu was front and center, and the girls gathered around him as they conspired amongst themselves. they weren't very secretive, and you could hear them giggling as you floated over.

"what's the joke? i want to laugh, too." you teased with a soft smile, and mingyu flashed you his pearly whites before turning his phone at you.

message from: doyeon

[9:03pm] hey mingyu! tell yug i'm waiting for him at the party, and bring the girls with you!

[9:04pm] see if you can convince your professor to come, too 👀 i've seen her and she's hot! maybe she can take eunwoo off our hands, i'm sick of him moping over jisoo

you chuckle, your glow brightening a bit. "you guys want me to go to a party, at a frat house, on a school night?" shuhua nods her head, a giggle falling from her lips. "c'mon, y/n! live a little, there's going to be so many cute boys there."

"yeah, y/n! plus, a little bird told me a certain purple eyed boy will be there." minnie wiggles her brows at you, and you smirk. "yeah? chan skipped my class for a party?" you glance at his empty spot on the couch, your glow dimming.

"c'mon, y/n. we all know you have the hots for him." mingyu says matter-of-factly, and you laugh. "i do not! he doesn't even speak in class, i don't know anything about him." you shrug, and mingyu smirks. "i've seen the way you look at him!" minnie chimes in, and you shake your head. "so what if you don't? he's hot and you're into that. he has nice muscles, i've seen him at the gym." mingyu sounds like he's trying to convince you, and you give him a smile before patting his shoulder. his cheeks tinge as you whisper, "are they as nice as yours?" soyeon teases mingyu as you float away, and their words stay with you as the class continues for another forty minutes. you type away at your desk as you bid them goodbye, but don't miss minnie sneaking away from her group to hand you a piece of pink paper.

"the address, in case you do want to see chan tonight." she slides it across the desk, a shy smile playing on her lips as she walks away. you glance at it, grimacing at the beta tau seal.

you sigh, pulling your phone to map the walk there from your apartment, receiving a text from your friend, jihyo.

message from: jihyo <3

[9:55pm] hey, you! come with me to a party, i want to scout for booty tonight 👀 i heard beta tau is having one

message to: jihyo <3

[9:57pm] funnily enough, i was about to text you, i got an invite. captain booty reporting for duty 🫡 wear something hot!

— ☆ — — ☆ —— ☆ —— ☆ —— ☆ —— ☆ —— ☆ —— ☆ —

the party was already in full swing when you and jihyo arrived, pinkies linked. it was apparently a student's birthday party, a short stop on the baseball team. you didn't keep up with the university's sports, but managed to snag a piece of birthday cake in a cup (meaning you dumped the rest of the pink whitney into your cup, and a splash of lemonade) as you let jihyo roam.

"y/n, you made it! you look so hot." you hear minnie from behind you, and you swirl to see her holding onto mingyu. "hey, guys! sick party, my friend jihyo also wanted to come." you shrug, taking a sip from your cup, and minnie gives you a knowing smile.

"hey, don't worry about it. lover boy hasn't kissed anyone since he's been here." minnie moves her head in the direction behind you, and you twist to see chan holding a red solo cup and talking to another student, short with wire rimmed glasses, and a waist you could only dream of. you turn back to minnie, who just winks at you before pulling mingyu away with her.

your body twists to look at chan, trailing your eyes down his figure. he's got on a white muscle tee, and mingyu had not been lying about his body at all. his chest donned what seems to be a rosary, nestled between his pecs that bounced lightly as he laughed. a sliver of his lower stomach was visible, mostly covered by a jacket he likely took off, but the red on the lapels looked good against his skin. silver hoops looped through his lobes and if you didn't sink your teeth into him soon, you were going to combust.

you don't have a crush on chan. not in the slightest. but, you're not blind.

you decided to worm your way to the bathroom, but you didn't realize his friend had spotted you staring. nor that chan's eyes were on you now, wondering what you were doing at a party on a school night, in that short black skirt and soft, flimsy blouse – with no bra. his eyes roll, asking himself why you manage to torture him this way. your coat is long, and covers most of your thighs as you walk away. he winces at the twitch of his cock against his pants.

"professor! what are you doing here!" you hear yugyeom shout from across the room, eliciting a woo from all the people at the party. you smile, and hold up your cup. "hey, yug!"

he waves you over, and you oblige, downing the rest of your drink. "here, try this! i made it." he holds up a long, brown bottle – and you smirk, letting him pour it into your mouth. a bunch of students are watching you down this burning liquor without a second thought, a low whistle emitting from one in particular.

tall, handsome. nicely chiseled face, hair slicked back. barely dressed. slutty.

not chan.

"who invited the trophy wife of the administration? that was hot as fuck." he leans on soyeon, who huffs and shoves him off. "shut up, san."

minnie screams before you can answer. "i invited her! she's cool as fuck, drinks up and tits out for professor y/l/n! wooo!" the crowd that had formed around you took their drinks, a few girls flashing their breasts at you. you let a laugh rip through you when you spot jihyo smiling at you in the crowd before knocking back the rest of her drink. you point to the hallway, signaling you're going to continue your way to a bathroom, before you suffocate on the smell of buchanan's and cheap beer.

the house gets quieter the deeper you go, aside from soft moans coming from a linen closet, obscene wet noises making you shiver as you turn left, finding a clean bathroom. you leave the door slightly ajar as you splash cool water on your cheeks. you let it drip through your lashes before you grab for the toilet roll, only to see someone slip into the bathroom in the mirror.

"hey." chan's voice is low as you pat the toilet paper on your face, and you glance at him. "hey. skipped my class for a party, huh?" "what are you doing here?" he doesn't sound upset, moreso amused. his eyes shamelessly rake up your legs, and you give a snort in reply. "minnie invited me, and my friend jihyo wanted to scope out some ass."

"yeah?" his eyes flicker to yours in the mirror, the violet swirl evident, and you feel your thighs clench in his gaze. your glow starts to change hues, and you roll your eyes as you glow pink instead of your normal yellow. "yeah. why, channie? are you here looking for babes?" you turn, letting the liquor talk as you lean against the sink.

"would it bother you if i was?" he tilts his head, sort of like a lost puppy. you smirk, shaking your head. "why would it bother me if my student wants to get some?" "do you always play this little game with your students, professor?" he takes a step closer, and you curse yourself for glowing a little brighter, but shrug as nonchalantly as you can. "beats being uptight like professor callaghan."

"god, you're so right." he chuckles, before his hands cage you in between his body and the sink. "i bet this glow thing gets really annoying, huh?" "you have no idea." you look up into his eyes, subconsciously tucking your bottom lip under your teeth. you wonder why he’s not questioning the color change, maybe he just knows, maybe he was listening last week. you wonder how many girls he’s gotten with, and how many he’s romanced with those angel eyes of his. "you look good." he says gently, almost as if he's giving you an out. almost as if, he's nervous.

"i taste good, too." you mumble, ghosting your lips over his. you can feel your skin start to singe, but you let him kiss you anyway. you let him lift you onto the sink, parting your legs to stand between them. you let him run his hands up your plush thighs, leaning into the kiss as deep as you can without completely absorbing him.

“can’t you get in trouble for this?” chan doesn’t really care, to be honest. you can tell he doesn’t as he drags his lips down your neck, his fingers tugging your skirt up gently. “hmm, no. not me, anyway. trophy wife of the administration privileges.”

he laughs against your skin, and you give him a cheeky smile as he kisses your lips again, his thumbs gently working circles into your hips. “i don’t want to do this here. let’s find a room, yeah?” "mmm, i don't think so. students who don't participate in class don't get extra credit." you pout, patting his chest when your phone buzzes in your pocket.

message from: jihyo <3

[11:47pm] saw you dip with cutie, so i cozied up to that mingyu guy

[11:48pm] going back to his, u can get home safe?

[11:49pm] i'll turn around if u can't. bros before hoes 💪🏻

message to: jihyo <3

[11:51pm] go ahead <3 txt me deets l8r he's a massive flirt lol

you slide it back into your pocket, and chan's hands leave your skin. he quietly moves your skirt back into place, and his eyes flicker to meet yours. he doesn't look upset at your rejection, moreso a bit grateful. "you're cute. you ask too many questions, and i'm still upset with you, but you're incredibly cute."

it's just the liquor talking. he won't remember any of this, or change his behavior by tuesday. he seems to hold grudges, but you know it's really just emotional blockage. nothing you can't help with, but everything he won't let you help with.

"maybe come to class and i might let you cum in me. you'd like that, wouldn't you?" you mumble against his lips, a shiver going through his spine. "let me walk you home." he murmurs, nuzzling his nose against yours. you feel your stomach flip, the gesture so cute you just might let him sleep with you. you capture his lips again, sliding your hand up his chest, fingers softly wrapped at the base of his neck. his hand catches your wrist, sliding it higher.

you give it a soft squeeze as you slither your tongue into his mouth, drawing a soft groan from him. he pulls back, your lips chasing after him as he raises an eyebrow. "who's needy now, huh?" "shut up, let's go." you place a peck to his cheek, and you force your glow back to gold, albeit dimmer than normal. he has his hand on the small of your back as you exit the bathroom. he slides it around your waist, his fingers softly digging into your hip before he stops dead in his tracks. "what?"

you're whispering as you follow his eyes, seeing a blond guy in a baseball jersey staring back at him as he sneaks out of the closet you passed. a girl is gripping his hand, floating behind him. the guy turns on his heels, quickly weaving his way through the people crowding the hall, the girl giving a hazy smile as he drags her through.

"in a closet? really?" he shakes his head, and you feel his hand squeeze your waist. "sorry." "no worries. could've been us if you showed up to class." you tease as he guides you through the crowd, and you spot minnie watching you sneak your way through the people. she wiggles her eyebrows, and you just shake your head as chan opens the front door, letting you out first as he grabs his jacket from his friend.

"shit, it's colder than a witch's tits out here." you chatter, and chan quickly joins you on the porch, sliding the jacket over his arms. "it really is. which way do you live?" the walk is quiet, besides the leaves crunching under your shoes. he's close enough that his cologne meets your nose, but not close enough to where you can touch him and not be overdoing it. the taste of his lips was not enough to satiate you.

"why are you so mean to me?" you ask, not daring to look at him. he hums in response, before grabbing your shoulders, swinging his arm over you. you instinctively wrap your own around his waist, your fingers brushing the same sliver of skin you'd eyed earlier that night. you're burning up against him, and he welcomes the heat as your hips bump.

"i'm normally not this uptight." he starts, tongue darting out to wet his lips. "i don't like answering questions about my personal life, much less my abilities. or lack thereof, rather. it was too soon when you asked, i'm still trying to figure myself out. i'm very lost in that area of my life, and if i don't find out soon, i'm not sure how i'll make a living. please don't think i'm only this way with you, i'm just feeling stuck. it's like i'm running out of time." you take in his words, nodding silently. you know your magic is taking over him as he speaks, because you feel your glow dimming more and more as you keep walking. "i don't know what that feels like, chan. i'm sorry, genuinely. i truly do want you to understand that i am here to help as much as i can, not just as a professor but as…a friend, i guess." "mmh, i don't think you can help." he squeezes your arm gently as you make a left turn. "i'm too far gone, i believe. i thought about what you said, the emotional blockage thing. and i know that you're using your fingers to seep your funky little magic into me so i talk about myself and get things moving for your peace of mind." his fingers pat yours lingering on his hip, and you sheepishly go to move them.

he holds them in place, as you guide him to the gate of your complex. "i don't mind talking to you, or answering your questions. i really, really admire you as a person and sorceress. the selflessness, you're one of the kindest people i've ever had the pleasure of meeting. you just have to give me some time to warm up to you."

he stops in front of the gate, letting you punch in the code before sliding his arm off your shoulders. "i want to apologize for my behavior. i know i've been increasingly bitchy and standoffish, i'm just stressed. i'm sorry, and i'm sorry for taking it out on you. i know you're just trying to help."

"won't you come in? it's rather late and i'd hate to have you walk back alone." your eyes are slightly pleading, and he raises a brow. "are you sure?"

you shrug, holding the gate open. he walks past you, not comfortable enough to slide his arm over you once more. he feels the warmth of you as you float past, and he follows quietly. unlocking the door, his eyes peer into your apartment, and it's just like your classroom.

the lights are dimmed, and your couch is the same velvety green. it smells like bambinella pear and bergamot, and your walls are littered with photos and articles. many of them penned by you, he notices, as he skims them. "feel at home?" you chuckle, and he hears the rustling of your coat as you slip it off.

"mhm, it smells nice in here." he nods as he continues observing articles, before bumping into your side table. he looks down and sees a newspaper from seven years ago, a smiling face staring back at him.

spellbound prodigy involved in an automobile accident puts the world of wizardry at risk.

he skims the paper, seeing your name repeated over and over again but yet, no mention of the person in the photo. no age, no name.

"oh, you found that?" you're behind him, and you take hold of the paper, letting it droop over your hands. "who is that?" you sigh, your fingernail tracing the man's face. "minhwi. he was my best friend from primary school until the summer of 2017. that's when the accident happened." setting the paper back down, you pat the picture before floating to the kitchen, your golden glow gone as it begins to turn dark red.

"it's grief, the hue." you wave your hand at yourself as chan leans against the island, his eyes softening as you pour water in a glass, sliding it to him. the color dims as you turn to him, sitting on the bar stool. "i know, you're wondering how i'm involved in the accident."

chan looks down, and you let out an airy chuckle. "god, i hate talking about this." you rub your thighs, before looking up. "he told me he was in love with someone, and i encouraged him to make the hour drive to see her. i even offered to tag along, even though it was into the human world."

you're nervous, and chan can feel it. he rounds the island, sliding onto the stool beside you. you twist to face him as he takes your hands in his. how cute, you think.

"there was a really bad thunderstorm, but minhwi literally used to race cars for money. rain or shine, he was an expert behind the wheel. he won so many, and i was there for almost all of them. he called me his biggest cheerleader." chan's thumb wipes at your face, and you hadn't even known you were crying. you feel your chest ache as his hand lingers, before dropping back to your lap. "lightning struck one of the oak trees lining the backway route into town. minhwi tried to swerve out of the way, and we wound up spinning out. the tree landed on the car, and the weight crushed us, and there was glass everywhere. he died on impact."

you sniffle, and chan's eyes are glossy as he clears his throat. "and you blame yourself?" "absolutely." nodding, you interlace your fingers with chan's. "and the fact that i survived and he didn't, it kills me inside. it's not like he would've been able to, he was a…" you trail off, and chan's eyes match yours in size.

"...he was human." he finished, and you can't look at him. "you exposed the world of magic and our practices, to a human." you stay silent, before his arms envelope you in a hug. the burn you feel is almost debilitating, but you feel blue crawling up your neck as he rubs your back softly. "i'm sorry for your loss, y/n."

"that's it?" you blurt, and he laughs against your neck like he did earlier. "yeah, it's not like i can judge you, and it's not like humans don't know we exist. we're just frowned upon, it's not a crime to involve yourself with them. love makes us do crazy things." he pulls back, and you let blue overtake you. "i'm genuinely sorry about your friend. he sounds like he was a great time." "he was. i haven't talked about him since. all i have left is the scars from the accident." you shrug, taking a sip of your water. "scars?"

you flash a smile at him, before shaking your head. "just know, if i ever do let you in my pants, the shirt stays on, not because i'm insecure but because i hate looking at them."

he nods, a shy look crossing his eyes before he closes them. "can i ask you for a favor? before you go to bed, i mean?" "sure, anything." you tuck your hair behind your ears, sitting up. "that emotional blockage you spoke about, you can…remove that, right? i'm not too sure what your powers are." he mumbles as he picks at his nails, and you smile. "i can. would you like me to do that for you?" his eyes look to yours, and you see fear flash through them. "it doesn't hurt, channie. come on, i can do it right now." you slide off the stool, holding your hand out to him. he takes your hand, but instead of following you, he pulls you towards him.

your chest is flush to his, and you see a subtle blush on his cheeks as he dips his head, lips brushing against yours. you relax in his hold, letting your lips mold against his. you can't feel anything but heat and his tongue teasing yours, but it's no big deal (you're trying to convince yourself at this point.) his hands move to hold your face, his fingers burning your skin when he pulls away, pressing his forehead to yours.

"not tonight, i don't think i'm ready." he whispers against your lips, and you open your eyes to look into his hazy ones. nodding, you press another chaste kiss on his mouth. "whenever you're ready, channie. i'll be here."

"i'll take the couch." he plants one last kiss on your forehead, and you nod. "if you insist. goodnight, channie." "goodnight, y/n." he watches your glowing form trail down the hall, likely towards your bedroom.

and he sees a hint of indigo spreading across your back as you shut the door behind you.

tuesday – december 15.

chan is a lot nicer as the next two weeks go by. still shows up to class, even early, since your escapade after the party. he finds himself staring at you more often than not, and you're not the only one who notices.

minnie often slips you knowing looks, and you find yourself growing shy as you look to see chan peeking at you over his laptop, eyes glowing that bright violet you've come to adore.

"alright, everybody. have a good weekend!" you smile cheerfully as they file out, your glow now bright blue. the girls had mentioned you looked much more relaxed these days, and you attributed it to 'more sleep.'

you didn't really know what it was. you'd woken up glowing indigo the day after the party, and almost everyday after that. you flickered indigo when you caught chan in the hallway before class on tuesday, and when he hung back a little too long on thursday. really, if you even glanced at chan, you'd flash the dark color and leave the students rubbing at their eyes.

chan, on the other hand, was constantly looking for ways to talk to you.

he saw the flustered flickering, the confusion of your body as it glitched from hue to hue. at one point you had splotches of indigo, pink and your natural gold all over you. you still flirted back at mingyu's advances, albeit he calmed down noticeably. he observed that mingyu was on his phone more often, and you later found out through minnie that he was utterly romanced by jihyo. you thought it funny, and teased him about it (and jihyo, the next time you saw her for coffee and pastries.)

"hey, can we talk?" chan is standing behind you as you wave off your students, and you jump at the closeness. "sure, channie. what's up? is this about your final project?"

it wasn't an unreasonable question. the semester was coming to an end, the students looked visibly stressed and you hadn't heard of any parties since.

but, you knew it was unreasonable for your situation with chan. you never missed his longing glances at your lips, or the fact that he was early to class. his friends changbin and jisung often trailed behind him as he walked to class, and he only introduced you to them because they wouldn't stop badgering him at the doorway. "she's even prettier up close," jisung had said dreamily, and you just gave him a soft smile as you watched him bump into the doorframe.

"not really? maybe." he rubs his neck, and you tilt your head. "what's going on?"

"uh, i think i'm ready. for what we talked about…the night of the party." he swallows thickly, and you feel taken aback. "oh? what brought this on?" you float to the back, patting the same couch he sits in during class. you tuck your legs under you, holding your head up with the wall. his knees brush yours as he sits, and you wince at the heat you feel in your chest.

"i started the essay you assigned last night." he can't look at you, and you find your stomach to grow increasingly tight. "yeah?" "i can't write anything. i have six drafts already, and i feel so overwhelmed." he's nibbling on his lip, almost as though not to cry. you lean closer, his eyes glassy as they meet yours. frowning, your hand finds home on his jaw, your thumb wiping a few fallen tears. "i'm here, i can help. we can do it here."

you get up, moving the tables back towards the walls. he watches you as you move, and your back is splotched with indigo. he still doesn't know what it means, but you shiver as it creeps up your neck. your hand flies to your nape, rubbing your skin. it dissipates, returning to your golden glow.

"need an open space. are you sure?" you motion for him to join you in the center of the room, and he nods. you can already feel the same heat on your skin as he settles in front of you, and the same eerie cold of indigo on your shoulders. you huff, sliding your cardigan onto the floor and rolling up your sleeves. "i have to touch your skin for this, okay? and don't worry about anything else, just keep your eyes on me." he's nervous as he lets you take his shaky hands, a soft pout on your lips as you close your eyes. "i got you, okay? i won't let anything hurt you, you're strong." you're muttering, but he finds comfort in your words. he's sure you say this to everybody.

until you start glowing a blinding blaze of indigo, your face scrunched, wincing as the room cools significantly. you're brighter than he's ever seen, possibly brighter than the fluorescent lights that line the university halls. your grimace grows as you furrow your brows deeply, the glow around you seemingly like a flame. he just watches silently as you drop one of his hands.

"can you lift your shirt for me?" your voice is strangled. your eyes are screwed shut, and he quickly does so, your hand trembling as it makes contact. your skin feels like it's on fire, and you don't know what's happening that you can only hear ringing. you'd never felt anything this intensely, but you persist as your hand palms around his torso, before reaching the center. you splay your fingers, pressing into his skin.

you flash green for a second, so quick he almost misses it.

sliding your hand up his chest, you find the base of his throat. a sigh slips through your lips, and you pull him closer. placing his hand on your waist before moving yours in his hair. you flash slightly pink as he slips his other hand on your hip, his fingers digging into your skin.

"this might feel a little cold." you murmur, and you dim entirely. the glow around you is now gone, a soft grey floating off you. it runs to the floor, like sand, and forms different grainy figures. kind of like…sandcastles. you open your eyes, despite the damn near inferno heat where your skin meets his.

"these are all your blockages." you pull his shirt down, and move his hands from your hips. to your right, is a grainy woman that splits into several more women. next to her, are two figures, who seem to disappear into another figure, a forest. you skirt around him, holding him in place with a hand on his hip. behind him, is another figure.

shaped kind of like you. your thighs, your arms, your hair.

"what…do they mean?" you're snapped out of your process by his voice, and you sigh. "this one…channie, you have to find better coping mechanisms. sleeping with women for stress relief is not good for you. i know it feels good, but there are other things you can do. ever tried puzzles?"

you sink to the floor, pulling him with you. you move the figures next to each other in front of you, the sand-like texture sticking to your skin. gesturing to the women, you keep talking.

"casual sex is awful, when you compare it to relationship sex. shit, even hate sex. at least you feel something other than lust for the person you're fucking." you grimace, and he nods. with a wave of your hand, the sand collapses. "these next three…you can pick which you want first." he glances at them, his hand subconsciously searching for yours. you grab it, and he points at the two people. you let your skin burn as you begin to talk, his fingers tightening around your palm. "these…are your parents, and the forest around the university." the room stills, and chan lets go of your hand. "what about them?" "you're afraid they're not proud of you. you feel like you're missing out on your experiences with them, because…" you wince as an aftershock racks your body, making you shiver. you miss chan's nervous glance. "because they're distant. you feel like an outcast from your family, and it affects the way you form bonds here. it's hard for you to build friendships, and it's hard for you to establish relationships because you fear being loved. or maybe loving, and not being loved back"

taking a breath, you pull your knees to your chest.

"the forest is representative of your lost feeling. all the trees look the same, and it makes you feel like you're constantly going in circles. everyone here is identical, we all have something special. you find it hard to relate because although you know there is something that makes you like us, you're unaware of what it is." he nods, and you let the figures drop.

"this one…" you're mumbling, and he leans slightly closer to hear you. sighing, you pull the figure of you closer. raising your arm, the figure raises her arm. "that's me." his head snaps to look at you, your eyes burning holes into the floor. you glance at the figure, collapsing it. all the figures pool together, and you lean forward, blowing it like you would dust off a bookshelf. it disappears, and chan leans back on his hands.

"what about you?" he murmurs, and you shake your head, moving to lie through your teeth. "i don't know." "you're lying." you feel your glow return, flickering gold. "y/n, tell me what it means." "i can't." you shrug, "i don't know what it means. did this help? do you feel better?"

he's peering at you, his eyes swirling violet. you raise a brow as you look at him over your shoulder, and he just shakes his head. getting up, he stalks back to the couch. you watch as he shoves his arms into his hoodie, and you simply get up, floating towards your desk.

he grabs your arm, pulling you closer to him. you sense the frost of indigo across your mid-back. you turn his hold, eyes glued to his fingers wrapped around your arm. "why?"

"hm?" "why can't you tell me?" his eyes are insistent in their violet glory. chills run down your back, indigo spreading over your hips as you run your eyes over him. he's so beautiful. "because…i can't reciprocate."

he doesn't understand, you can tell as he keeps looking at you. kind of like he wants to eat you alive, but also like he wants you to vanish.

"it means you're in love with me, or you will be. you don't like the idea of it, because it means you'll have to open up to me. that kind of…figure doesn't change, even if you want it to. you won't get the option to leave me out of your heart, and it will be unrequited for the rest of our lives. you will love me, forever, and you won't get a say in it." he lets go, brows furrowed, and his face is deep red in embarrassment. you take a step forward, and your hands instinctively reach for his waist. he allows it as he crosses his arms across his chest, his eyes fixated on you, waiting for you to speak.

"i can't love, chan." you whisper, and feel indigo overwhelm you. pursing your lips, you look down so as to not let him see the tears forming. "trust me when i say i wish i could. i wish i could love you, the way you deserve. i could wake up every morning and reach for you, but you would never be there because i can't give you what you need." the tears are dripping off your face now, pattering on the rug beneath your feet. you let go of him, your fingers tugging your shirt up, slipping it over your head. your hair falls to your shoulders, and you push it back, dropping your shirt on your desk. his eyes soften as he looks at the curve of the wide scar – like an insignia, it's carved into your skin. it starts on your shoulder, curving around it the way a fallen bra strap would. it trails down your sternum, before splitting at your diaphragm. a sharp point ends right under your left breast, while the other curves to the right of your belly button, ending on your hip.

"there is nothing i could do in this world that could ever get me in trouble, because i have this." speaking softly, you lift the cup of your bra, showing him where x marks the spot – directly above your heart. "the coven said this was my punishment for minhwi's involvement in this world, and the outrage i sparked. i can't feel love, and i haven't for so long that even if i did, i wouldn't know what it's like. i won't ever feel what it's like to be loved again, because i don't deserve it."

chan's eyes are glossed over as he brings his hand to your skin, the singe making you grimace as his fingers trace the border lightly. he tucks his lip in his teeth as he touches your shoulder, and your glow flickers slightly brighter. he pulls you in, burying his nose in your hair. "everyone deserves love. this is not your fault, i'm sorry things happened this way." you pull back, his eyes glistening with tears as he thumbs the scar on your shoulder. you give him a sad smile, shrugging in his hold. "it's life. life goes on, but for what it's worth…if i could, i'm sure you'd take great care of me."

"i still can." he says, reaching for your shirt. "i'm a pleaser, really. reciprocation has never been an issue."

"are you seriously making a pass at me? after i just told you all of that? have some shame." you let an airy chuckle slip through your lips as you take your shirt from him, and he just smiles. one, two dimples. "not being able to love doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to cum. just saying." you gasp, landing a gentle smack on his arm before sliding your shirt on. "chan, stop it! what did i say about casual sex, hm?" pointing an accusatory finger in his direction, he cages you between your desk and his firm chest. "didn't we just talk about this? you know it's not casual." you know it's not casual.

"just once, think about yourself, yeah? do yourself a favor." he places a chaste kiss on your nose, and you feel your cheeks heat as he peppers his lips over them. you let a giggle bubble in your throat, his lips stopping over your lips. "just think about it." he gives your lips a quick kiss, before pulling back.

"it's late, let me walk you home?" he offers a gentle look in his eyes. you just nod, grabbing your purse from the back of your desk. you decide you'll move the tables back on thursday, sliding your cardigan up your arms. "aren't you cold?" he asks, sliding his arm over your shoulders like he did the night of the party, as you lock the classroom door.

"no, actually. i don't know if you feel it, but every time you touch me, i feel like i'm on fire." you chuckle lightly as you start walking, and his breath hitches. glancing at him, he just moves the two of you forward. "chan?" "mhm?" he doesn't look at you, and you stop walking. crossing your arms, he sighs. "it's not a big deal." he shrugs, trying to shake the subject by tugging you slightly closer. you frown, wrapping your arms around his waist. your eyes are fixed on him, and he can't help but coo.

"you're so pretty." he squishes your face with his free hand, and continues walking forward. "does it bother you?" you ask, your fingers drumming on his hip. the air is so frigid, and so is indigo as it fights chan's warmth. you just have to let me warm up to you.

he did so awfully fast.

"does what bother me?" he's tracing circles in your shoulder, the movement scorching. he seems so relaxed, so unperturbed by anything. you'd never seen his face so calm, used to the furrow of his brows or the bags under his eyes darker than they should be. "the fact that i won't be able to love you back." he chuckles, fingers squeezing your shoulder. "i'm used to it, as pathetic as it sounds. love is not my forte, or for the people around me. jisung is surprisingly able to get into almost anyone's pants, and can't settle down for shit. changbin is sickeningly in love with his best friend, and do you remember that guy we saw at the party? the one sneaking out of the closet?"

you nod, and he laughs. "that's seungmin. that girl he was with, they broke up back in august. they've been fucking around ever since. if they're both at a party, they're hooking up. can't seem to stay away from each other, in a desperate attempt to stay on each other's minds, i guess? it's cute, i think." he shrugs. you feel your heart skip a beat, looking down to see a white glow on your chest. you ignore it, probably glowing silver as you feel the emptiness, the longing to understand what he means.

"so no. it doesn't bother me, it never will. you get used to it."

it pains you a bit, to hear him sound so…well, used to it. so accustomed to settlement, so unbothered by a lack of reciprocation. selfless, really.

wednesday – december 16.

chan wound up spending the night at your apartment. he insisted on taking the couch before you physically pulled him into your room. the moment his back hit the mattress, he ate his words as you tickled him, forcing him to admit that it was more comfortable.

really, you'd just wanted an excuse to wake up next to him. maybe see his bed head, run your fingers through it, exchange a morning kiss. all of that stupid couple shit that you would never fully experience.

because love makes you do stupid things, like spin out on a backroad and die. so you don't deserve to feel it, and really, it keeps you safe. you have no idea what it's like to love anymore and you pretend you're okay with it. you soothe by saying that not all can be felt, not all that can be desired should be had.

but fuck, if you didn't like chan before, you certainly do now.

there's no reason for this. for him standing in your living room, holding a cup of coffee as he reads through the articles you've written and framed. for him to look so cute in your old abba shirt that's too tight on his arms, for his eyes to be swollen with sleep as he blinks over the mug. for him to be so effortlessly unaware of his beauty, of his own effects. on you, on the people in his life.

"you're up." his voice snaps you out of your thoughts, and you feel your cheeks heat as you nod. "your hair is a mess. here, let me fix it."

he sets down his cup, calmly running his hand through your mussed hair. the curls fight him as he tucks them behind your ears, his fingers lingering on your lobes as you stare at him. your indigo glow reflects on his skin, his head tilted as he speaks. "what? cat got your tongue, professor?"

your mouth opens to retort, but you have nothing to say. nothing comes out. you feel orange flicker through you as you close your mouth, earning a squeaky laugh from the man in front of you. "cute. there's coffee in the kitchen, i just made it."

he doesn't have morning classes on wednesdays, you figure as he follows you to the kitchen. because it's eleven thirty and he's still in your apartment, in your shirt, with his hands on your waist, and you don't care one bit as you pour yourself a cup of coffee.

"are you upset? you haven't said a word." his thumbs work into the small of your back, and you shudder at his touch, before you shake your head. "i'm not used to having people here so early." "it's nearly noon, y/n." he laughs airily, his breath tickling your neck. "still, so early."

you try and ignore the heat in your chest, far stronger than it had ever been before as his fingers carefully dip below the waistband of your sweats, coming out just as quickly. "you weren't in bed when i woke up." you're muttering, but his proximity makes him hear you anyway.

"aw, did you want to wake up in my arms like they do in the movies?" he's teasing you. you scoff in embarrassment, eyes not catching the subtle white glow on your chest as you turn in his hold. "no way, pft. i like spreading my limbs like a starfish, you were crowding me all night." "hey, i offered to take the couch." he shrugs, and you just shake your head. "should've insisted a little more, then i wouldn't have felt so cold when i realized you weren't there." you joke as you set down your cup, and he raises a brow. "didn't think it would bother you, but that can be fixed." "chan–" you squeal as he hooks his arms under your thighs, your own flying to his shoulders. your legs wrap around his waist as he marches the both of you to your bedroom. "chan, don't you have classes today?" "don't you?" he kisses your forehead gently as he sets you down on your bed, pushing you back lightly. you roll your eyes, trying to hide your excitement as he slips under your duvet. he tugs you closer, your back to his chest. if he cares about the scorching heat of your skin touching, he doesn't mention it as he settles his head in the crook of your neck, reaching to intertwine your fingers with his. he holds your hand tightly, nestling it between your breasts. "if you wanted to touch my boobs, you could've just asked." "shut up, let me hold you. be selfish, for once." he nips at your earlobe, and you sigh. tender kisses trail your neck, and you can feel pink creeping down your thighs as he gives your hand a squeeze. "is this okay?"

"mhm." you can't speak as he lets go of your hand, fingers dancing across the exposed skin of your hip where your shirt has ridden up. he doesn't go up, but instead softly dips into the waistband of your sweats, snapping your underwear against your skin. a whine slips, and you freeze as he pauses. "should i stop?" his voice is raspy in your ear, and your hand grabs his wrist, bringing it lower. "it's alright. you can keep going. f-further, if you want."

you curse yourself at the stutter, hearing a soft chuckle in his throat as his fingers pad over the fabric of your panties. your breath hitches in your throat as he circles the wet spot you've been presented with, a shaky sigh escaping chan as he rocks against you. you feel pink envelope in its warmth as you turn onto your back, holding his hand in place as you capture his lips. he kisses you back fervently, his fingers never stopping their movements on your clothed heat.

"c-can you…" you whimper against his lips, his hand never slowing as you move against it, brows furrowed. he watches as you try to form words, your eyes screwed shut as your hand tugs his away. "can you go d-down on me?" barely a whisper as you peel your eyes open, and he swears they hold the stars.

"i'd kill a man if you asked me." he shrugs, and you just roll your eyes. tugging your sweats off, he gets a glimpse of the way your panties stick to your lower lips, his heart racing in his chest knowing he's got you soaking.

he could make you cum with them on. he's positive.

spreading your thighs slowly, he watches as you hook your thumbs into the waistband. he pushes your hands away, not bothering to address your confusion as he holds them in place, sinking between your legs. he can't help but tease, dragging his soft lips up your skin, watching you shudder at the contact. he moves to grip your hips, your shirt rising and the end of your scar becoming visible. his eyes flicker to yours, "shirt stays on, right?"

"y-yeah." you look away, and he rubs your hip reassuringly. "s'alright, baby. i can make you cum just like this, if you want."

it's not a question, you can tell as he kisses the pink cotton of your panties. he has no intention of taking them off, he might not even fuck you, but you don't care. all that matters are his eyes peering into your fucking soul as he dips his head down, a chaste kiss pressed to your hip. he trails down, hands circling your plush thighs as he litters them with kisses. your eyes are watching him nervously, lip tucked under your teeth to stop the soft pants from echoing the room. you feel like you can't breathe as he pulls you closer to his face, pressing that strong nose into you, inhaling deeply. "you smell so fucking good, baby." he's not even doing anything, but the vibrations of his moan against you elicit a whimper from your throat, making you buck your hips forward. his grip tightens as he nuzzles his nose against your clit, placing a soft kiss on it before he speaks against it.

"be nice, or i'll make you scream." he smiles into your underwear, tonguing your clit through the fabric. he watches as your glow grows brighter, pulling you impossibly closer. he's letting you grind on his face, to use him for your pleasure, and you'd be lying if that doesn't make you that much more wet for him. "y-you don't want to take them off?"

your stuttering is adorable to him, and the way your fingers card through his hair and tug adds to his own pleasure. shaking his head, he snaps the waistband against you again, "you're so needy, aren't you? can't get off just like this?" "channie, p-please. please, i want your f-fingers." he hums against your clit, continuing his cruel lapping, the sound of your pussy against his face obscene and sloppy. "you can beg better than that. tell me how bad you want it, baby." "w-want it so bad, channie, please. please, i'll be g-good for you, p-promise. s-so good." you're almost sobbing, and he almost feels bad. a gentle laugh leaves his throat as he thumbs your slit, leaving sticky strings against his skin as he gives in. "so good? so, so good for me? is that right?" he slides the flimsy fabric down your legs, the exposure to the cool air making you shiver. he's watching your face contort as he collects your arousal on his fingers, before slowly teasing your entrance. "i swear to god, chan-" your retort gets cut off by a gasp, his fingers hitting just right, his lips sucking tortuously on your clit. he likes it messy, is all you can think in your fucked out state as you coat his entire hand in your slick, feeling him groan against your pussy.

"look at you, so pretty. you're a good girl for me, right? you're gonna soak the sheets, hm?" he feels you clamp around his fingers, another wave of your arousal glazing his palm as you sob. "fuck, you sound so hot." "c-channie..." you rasp, your voice so low he almost misses it. he peers at you over your soft tummy, your lips swollen and covered in your spit from biting back your moans. you're actively whining, grinding against his hand in a weak attempt at reaching your release. "aw, baby wants to cum? is that it?"

you whimper, making him curl his fingers inside your wet heat. he seemed to have found the perfect spot as you arched your back off the bed, attempting to pull away from him. his left arm holds you tightly in place, your fingers clutching his wrist as your choked moan rings blissfully in his ears. your thighs close around him, his soft shh doing nothing to quiet you down as you let your orgasm wrack your legs. his lips pepper kisses all over your pelvis, mumbles of praises as he works his way up.

he hovers over your face, pressing his soft lips on your cheek. you wrap your arms around his neck, shivering at the way his fingers pinch your clothed nipple lightly. "you can give me one more, right? just one more, princess." he's murmuring against your skin, and you nod as he reaches your lips.

"just one more?" you nip at his lower lip, before sinking in to kiss him. "just one. want to feel you around me, want to know how good i'm making you feel." you realize it's important to chan, despite what he said the night before. he wanted to be praised, he wanted to make somebody proud, even if this was the only way he felt he could do it. he could act like he's this statue, this emotionless, needless creature of nature – but he also desired approval, to be needed, to be wanted.

to be loved.

you don't say anything as you let his hands push your knees to your chest, his lips now suckling on your nipple through your shirt. your hands move to his head, pushing it away as you go to slip it off. his hands let go of your legs, entwining your fingers with his brows furrowed. "you don't have to." "i want to." you quip back quickly, tugging your fingers out of his grasp. you hook them at the hem of your shirt, lightly lifting off the bed to slide it off. he hesitates, his eyes tracing the curves of the raised skin. the way it glows lightly, almost as though it's losing its defined edges.

his eyes flicker to yours, your gaze intently scanning his face. did you think he'd be disgusted? maybe even repulsed? lowering his head, he brushed a kiss to your lips, before he allowed himself to sink to your chest. you breathed in nervously, your fingers gripping the sheets next to your body when you felt his mouth planting feather-light touches to your scar.

he can feel your skin heat under his face, the more he travels along the healed welt. the glow is slightly brighter than your overall pink, as you shudder under him, his hands pulling your fingers into his, the crumpled sheets forgotten as he pins your arms above your head.

"you're so beautiful. gorgeous, ethereal. no words could express how lovely you are." he whispers as he presses one final kiss where x marks the spot, and you jolt lightly at the singe you feel. it spreads, the whole insignia across your torso burning deeply as he moves back. his eyes are flashing with something you can't read. "chan…" "sorry." he shakes his head, his thumbs rubbing circles into your hands. you tilt your head at him, before glancing at his body, a smile spreading on your plump lips. "are you going to fuck me with all your clothes on?"

"i can." he smiles, and you raise an eyebrow. "off, all of it."

standing off the side of your bed, he tugs your old abba shirt off, and you watch with sinful eyes as he flings it away. "stop staring at me." he whispers, and you shake your head playfully. "you said you'd kill a man if i asked, and gave me the best head of my life, but i can't watch you strip?"

"the best, huh?" he ignores everything else he slips his sweats off, pulling your hips to the edge of the bed. "don't get cocky, or this won't count as extra c-credit." your eyes peer at him, the leaking head of his thick cock already teasing your folds lightly. his hands circle your legs once more, pulling one over his shoulder while folding the other close to your chest. he stares at your soaked cunt, the way it clenches around nothing. so inviting, so wet, so ready for him.

"that's alright, let's count it as the first class i missed. what was it, getting to know me? ask me something." he continues his teasing, watching as you squirm against him. "uhm, o-okay. what's your favorite color?"

"really?" he rubs against you lightly, his tip dragging over your clit so menacingly, you swear you could cum from just that. "hm, i like black." "black is an ab-absence of color, fuck." you dig your nails into your thighs as he shallowly thrusts into you, the lack of warning wracking a shudder up your spine. "mm, if you can't keep talking there's going to be an absence of dick in about two seconds."

"n-no, no please. shit, that feels so good." you can't keep your eyes open as he slowly sinks further into you, stilling his movements as you tuck your lip into your teeth. "ah, ah. eyes open, keep talking to me." his fingers lightly tap your cheek, your skin burning in embarrassment as you peel your eyes open. "next question, baby." "b-biggest accomplishment so f-far?" you swallow thickly as his hips are flush against your ass, allowing you to adjust to the size of him before making any more movements. he leans his head against your ankle, brows furrowed as he speaks. "probably making you cum so hard, you cry." you narrow your eyes as you look at him, "you h-haven't, though?" "but i will." he kisses your shin, giving an experimental thrust of his hips. your eyes flutter shut, a silent gasp from your lips turning to soft mewls as he starts a gentle pace. "next question." "d-do you believe in love at first s-sight?" you feel him hesitate, before he gives you a particularly harsh thrust. "somewhat." he rubs your thigh gently before continuing his brutal ministrations. "harder, please." silently, he obliges, letting your breathy moans fill his ears instead of talking. he hates talking, he hates answering questions, but he can't help and adore the tone of your voice, the softness of your queries, the avoidance in answering his.

"you feel so good, channie, holy shit." he can feel you clenching tightly around him, but lets your praise take precedence. the way you're arching your back off the mattress, hairline lined with beads of sweat as you let him fuck into you, just the way you like. the way you seem to love, as he lowers to whisper in your ear. "next question."

the proximity makes everything feel like it's a thousand degrees, your hands flying to his hair as he sucks on your collarbone lightly. "favorite s-song? ah!' you hiss at his teeth on your skin, feeling his grin against you.

"your voice." his thrusts are slowly becoming less steady, but you don't care. you don't care because his skin is scorching hot, he's holding you to him, you can feel the air of his pants against your neck and he feels so good.

there's no reason for this. for him to be blissfully ruining you while holding you flush to his chest, your nipples touching with every roll of his hips. for him to look so good while he defiles you, the way you're not even speaking coherently in his ear. for your soul to feel like it's aching for more of him, but how much more could you have when you can't love him. for him to be so effortlessly unaware of his beauty, of his own effects, on you, as the white-hot of your orgasm starts approaching fast.

"i…" you feel a sob rip through you, and he instinctively pulls away from you. "hey, hey. it's alright, baby." guilt fills his chest, his hands holding your face as the tears stream down your cheeks. "it's alright, we don't have to–" pushing yourself up on your elbows, you smash your lips to his, feeling yourself glow so hot you're practically on fire. it's all teeth and tongue, and you're wrapping your fingers around his throat before he can react. squeezing gently, he whines into your mouth, his hips snapping erratically against you. you swallow his sounds in your quiet sobs, the tears dripping down your neck doing nothing to cool you down.

"y/n…" he whines pitifully against your lips, and you can feel his pout emerge as you clench around him. he settles his face in the crook of your neck, cheeks flushed. "p-please don't stop, don't stop, e-ever…" you're just as needy as he is, throwing your head back as he bites at your shoulders, your hand on his throat tightening as he sends you over the edge.

"fuck, baby." the whimper into your shoulder does nothing good for him as you clench around him, milking whatever is left of him, hips driving you both into overstimulation. he slows, his head lifting from your shoulder to peer into your eyes. you avoid them, letting go of his throat and wiping them off with the back of your hand.

the room feels heavy, with guilt. shame. maybe even a bit of hatred, but you’re not entirely sure as he kisses you gently, chastely, before pulling back. his eyes hold the sun, the stars, the moon.

"guess you got your biggest accomplishment, huh?" you chuckle thickly, and he shakes his head, pulling out slowly. his eyes avert to your center, watching his cum drip out of you slowly. he feels weird, it's such a waste. "are you okay? i should've asked sooner, i'm sorry." "no, no. it was…it was really good." you admit, feeling your glow flicker. you close your legs, scooting up on the bed as he reaches for your shirt, you cross your arms over your chest, fingers digging into your sides. "i really liked it, actually." "are you sure?" he's absent, you can tell as he wipes the back of your legs gently, before tossing the shirt over his shoulder. "i'm sorry for crying, i know it was really sudden. i just felt so overwhelmed and you felt so good, and i…" you trail off, and he feels his cheeks heat, shaking his head again. "no, it's fine. that was the goal, after all. i…do you want me to go?" your brows furrow, and you tilt your head. "go? why would i want you to go?" he shrugs, not meeting your eyes as he tugs on his sweatpants. "i don't know, i usually leave after…things like this." "what happened to 'you know it's not casual?'" you use air quotes, and you see his cheeks burn bright red. "i…i don't think i'd be able to do this, especially after what we talked about yesterday."

"do…what? we just had sex, it's not a big deal." you uncross your arms, ignoring your blatant nudity as he slips your abba shirt to you, taking it just to toss it to the side. "...act like i don’t care. i really, really like you, y/n, and i already feel so guilty about this." he can't look at you as he slips his hoodie on, the one you'd thrown over your desk chair last night when he said it was too hot to wear to bed.

you close your mouth, pressing your lips into a firm line as you grab the shirt, tugging it over your head. "i figured this would happen. maybe you should go, chan. clear your head, and we can talk later."

your brows are furrowed as you open your bedroom door, and he swallows thickly. he knew what he was getting himself into, so why does it bother him now? he said he wouldn't care, he said it so confidently.

and yet, he can't bring himself to say a word as he slams out of your apartment, eyes full of tears. leaving you feeling dejected, guilty and alone.

thursday – december 17.

it wasn't until the next day that you noticed it was significantly smaller.

it didn't curve under your breast anymore, the subtle x on your skin gone. it didn't wrap around your shoulder anymore, and it stopped right next to your navel. the scarred skin was now a bit paler, and you'd grimaced as you tugged your shirt on.

you couldn't be arsed with thinking about it, really, because now you had to walk into your classroom and face chan. of course, the chances of him not being there were fifty-fifty.

which inherently, made you feel worse.

you didn't understand why you couldn't stop thinking about his words, and what he said. your voice was his favorite song, he didn't care if you loved him or not, he somewhat believed in love at first sight? he'd met you officially a little over a month ago, no one can fall in love that quickly.

groaning, you felt orange flicker across your body as you let your heels clack against the saltillo tile of the hallway, tossing your half-empty coffee cup in the trash can. upon entering your room, the air feels…cooler.

chan is sitting on the couch, his legs squished together as minnie and shuhua peer at his face. soyeon, mingyu and yugyeom are flipping through various textbooks, each talking about what could have caused a sudden irischroma shift. he probably feels the heat of your stare, his eyes flickering to yours.

they're a deep, deep indigo color. they flash lightly at the sight of you, and minnie looks up to see you standing at your podium. "y/n…you've gotta come see this." "i can…i can see it, minnie." your voice is faint as you feel your chest searing hot, your hand coming to soothe it. clearing your throat, you shake your head as you feel a little weary, shuhua approaching you quickly. "are you okay? y/n?" "yes, i'm okay." your breathing becomes a little labored, soyeon and mingyu rushing to your side as you sink to the floor. "just give me some room." your hands touch the cool floor, and you can feel yourself dimming by the second.

"gyu, get help." minnie shoves mingyu out the door, and you can hear his footsteps fading as he runs to the infirmary. "chan, help me pick her up." yugyeom urges, and you weakly shake your head.

"i'm fine, i'm okay." you choke out, your hand clutching your chest as you feel chan's warm hands on your arms, circling around to lift you gently. "easy, easy. i got you, baby." he murmurs, and you feel your eyes sting with tears as he lets you slump against him, your glow fading fast.

"stay with me." his fingers dig into your side as he picks you up bridal style, carefully walking you over to the couch. yugyeom pulls their backpacks off, letting him lower you gently. minnie fans you with a stack of papers. chan peers at your face, your brows pinched as you breathe in as deeply as you can, his thumb instinctively padding at the crease. huffing, you tear his hand away, lacing your fingers in his. he acts like his heart doesn’t lurch forward.

"alright, everybody, back up." mingyu's voice rings in the room, and your bleary eyes can barely make out the oxygen mask that nurse taeyeon is slipping over your face. "there, there, professor. we got you."

you're shivering as she instructs chan to lift you onto the gurney on three, and you almost cry at the loss of contact when he sets you down. "chan, chan." your voice is nearly a whisper, and the students watch as you flicker, your glow lost as it glitches between colors.

"maybe you should go with her." yugyeom nudges him as nurse taeyeon glances at him, and she crosses her arms as chan nods slowly,slipping his bag over his shoulder. he takes nurse taeyeon's place at the end of the gurney, rolling you quietly out of the classroom. you're flickering from color to color as he walks slightly faster at nurse taeyeon's command.

"what happened?" she asks, and chan shakes his head as they take a sharp turn, your groan resounding in the hall. "i'm not sure, she just started clutching her chest and basically fell to the floor." nodding, taeyeon stays quiet the rest of the walk, her eyes only glancing at his worried expression and your hazy one. they're in love, she thinks. this is love.

taeyeon can't really help you. her powers lay in the herbalism field, she has no idea what's wrong, and she can't get a specialist here fast enough. she watches as chan carefully positions you in the empty room, letting his bag slide onto the floor before taking a seat at the foot of the bed. she simply sighs, calling that she'd be back with a rosemary tea and to just sit tight as she calls for the master sorcerers.

his hand gently strokes your ankle, making you flinch. "chan, chan i can't breathe." you tug at your collar, and he quickly reaches to unbutton your top buttons. "it's gonna be okay, angel." he's whispering as your hand grasps his wrist, the oxygen mask doing little to help as you wheeze.

"chan…" his head lifts, and your eyes are teary as you hear footsteps approaching hurriedly. he doesn't acknowledge you as the master sorcerers burst into your room, taeyeon trailing behind them with a steaming cup. "excuse me, coming through." she perches at the edge of the bed, carefully pulling you up. you whimper softly, and chan feels his heart ache at your pain. "drink this, it'll help your stress. that's probably what this is, just some anxiety."

taeyeon's tone is soft as she takes off the oxygen mask, the master sorcerers waiting until they can swoop in. neither of them acknowledge chan, despite getting to know him insanely well over the past few years. he could dare to think that they were afraid of him, of not knowing what he was. master sorcerers my ass, he thinks.

"i can't…" you're breathless, and taeyeon's gaze softens as she lets you slump down on the pillow once more. "it's alright. the master sorcerers are here, okay? they'll take care of you." she pats your shoulder, and you nod wearily as the grandest of all, dr. kang seulgi, takes a step forward.

"bang chan, why are you here?" her sharp voice echoes in the room, and your hand weakly reaches for him as he slides off the bed. "i brought her in, dr. kang."

"i see. you can evacuate the premises." she waves him away nonchalantly, and he frowns deeply as he steps back, your eyes fixed on him. almost like you're begging him to stay.

"i think i'll stay, actually." he blurts, and dr. kang's eyes snapped to him. "i'm not asking you, chan, i'm telling you." "let the boy stay, what's the harm?" dr. min's voice rings from his spot against the door frame, and chan glances up at the nimble man. "c'mon, seulgi."

"yoongi, if you undermine me again, you're sleeping on the couch." she grits, her wedding band to dr. min glinting in the low light as she rubs her temples. your hand reaches for chan once more, a soft groan from your lips catching his attention. he takes it, entwining your fingers quickly, kneeling at your side. "of course, jagi. y/n, what seems to be the problem?" dr. min pushes past, noting the undone buttons of your blouse. your chest is glowing, but the rest of you is the dimmest indigo he'd ever seen. much less, having seen you never glow indigo. your breathing is still labored, chest glowing brighter as chan once more rubs the pinch of your brows away.

"y/n, i'm going to open your shirt, okay?" dr. kang pushes past dr. min, her nimble fingers undoing the rest of the buttons. your scar is illuminated, but…it's not really there. it's faded, and chan can tell this is out of the ordinary as dr. kang's brows raise.

"yoongi." her voice is low, bringing her husband to her side. "oh, my."

their eyes meet, as though they're speaking telepathically. dr. kang's eyes flash gold as she furrows her brows, her husband grimacing as his own flash green. they glance at chan, who is gingerly moving your hair out of your face, his fingers barely ghosting over your sticky skin.

you can barely see him through your foggy eyes, but you're scanning him intently. you can see the glowing indigo of his eyes, that matches yours. you're dimming, but he's brighter than ever and it sends a shiver up your spine. his hand squeezes yours, a wave of heat attacking your chest.

dr. kang looks back, her husband staring intently at her.

"he healed her, it seems." his eyes speak, and she shakes her head. "he's not a healer, remember? we tried that already." yoongi nods, eyes fluttering back to the both of you. chan's now sitting on the edge of the bed, your arm draped over his lap as he speaks to you gently. he can't hear what chan is saying, but the glint of adoration in his eyes tells him all he needs to know.

"chan, can i see you in the hallway?" dr. min speaks, and your head turns to him. you pout, your eyes filling with tears as chan pulls away from you. dr. kang gives him a hard glare as she takes his place, her cool hand placed directly on your hot skin, making you groan.

"yes, dr. min?" chan's eyes are enticing, and dr. min shrugs. "let's try a little something, hm?" chan follows dr. min's line of vision, the door of the bathroom ajar. dr. min makes a gesture for chan to wait, before ducking into the bathroom, shutting the door. chan hears a loud crash, and dr. min appears just as fast, with a bloody fist.

"dr. min, are you alright? i can get nurse taeye-" dr. min places his free hand over chan's mouth, a knowing look in his eyes as he holds up his injured hand. "heal me, chan." "what? sir, i'm not a healer, you know that." chan furrows his brows, and dr. min shakes his head. "channel it." dr. min's eyes are boring into chan's soul as he looks away, shivering as he tries to channel any sort of magical energy for this injury. he's not surprised when nothing happens, and dr. min nods his head.

dr. min simply heals it himself, and chan looks away as the skin closes quickly, the dried blood disappearing before his eyes. vitalis mendacium, he thinks it's called. "chan, i think i may have an idea of what's going on with professor y/n." dr. min clasps his hands together in front of him, and chan tilts his head.

"you're in love with her, aren't you?" dr. kang's voice rings from the doorway of your room, and chan gapes at her. "w-what?" "don't play dumb. she told me she helped you clear some emotional blockage on tuesday, and she showed up in your blockages." dr. kang crosses her arms, and a groan is heard from you, chan flinching at the sound. "chan, this is dangerous territory." his eyes narrow as he shakes his head. "i don't think what you did to her was right. i think we all deserve a chance at love, no matter our mistakes. you're wrong, dr. kang." dr. kang scowls, "you think we did this to her? the old coven did it, we had no say!" she points between herself and her husband, and dr. min places his hand on her shoulder.

"chan, seulgi is right. in this world, there is no amount of study done that could reverse what the old coven has done to y/n. they cursed layers upon layers of punishment on her, this was never intended to be something that could be undone." dr. min speaks slowly, and chan can hear you whining in the room behind the couple. he's antsy, he feels sick to his stomach knowing you're a mere ten feet away and he can't make you feel better.

"i don't know what to do." dr. kang admits lowly, her hand covering her eyes as she looks away from the men in front of her. "i think…" dr. min trails off as chan pushes past them, sliding next to you. he watches chan fan you with his hand, your own wrapped around his waist as you shiver.

"you trust me, right?" he looks to seulgi, who nods her head. "always." his hands spin her around, making her face the two of you. "i think this is his to heal. look how quiet she is in his presence, she's barely moving. her breathing is more steady." "yoongi, he's not a healer." seulgi groans into her hands, her eyes catching a flash of white protruding from you as chan runs his hand down your back. she watches as he helps you peel your jacket off, your baby pink shirt transparent from the sheen of your sweat soaking through.

"maybe not for us, but for her." yoongi mumbles, seeing chan swipe your hair away from your neck, his lips pursed as he blows cool air against your skin. your groan is one of relief as he rocks you, and seulgi glances at her husband, swallowing thickly. "they're so rare, yoongi. there hasn't been one in this dimension in three hundred and twenty five years."

"i think we may have another on our hands." yoongi smiles widely as you slowly prop yourself up on your elbow, chan's worried eyes scanning your face for distress. you make a noise of disgust, your glow returning green steadily as chan helps you sit up. "what happened? ugh, i'm all sweaty."

glancing at your hands, you see them glowing indigo as it spreads up your body. you turn, seeing the master sorcerers staring at you from the doorway. grimacing, you glimpse at chan, who is looking at you intently. "hey, you alright?" his hand is holding your hip, and your frown falters as you look into his eyes. they're glowing bright as he looks you over. "what happened to your eyes?" your voice is raspy, and he looks away, shrugging.

"i'm not sure. they started changing last night." he swallows, and you shudder as indigo engulfs you entirely. "they look…pretty."

he snorts, shaking his head. "you might want to button up your shirt." feeling your cheeks burn, your fingers fumble with the buttons when you feel seulgi's cool hand on your wrist. "wait."

letting her lay you back, you miss chan's warmth as he slips off the bed, lingering from a few feet away as she opens your shirt. her eyes widen as she quickly beckons her husband over. his eyes snake down your torso, and his eyes glint with green as he meets seulgi's. they're silent, their faces moving as they communicate.

"y/n?" dr. kang's voice is low as she runs her hand through your mussed curls, and you meet her line of vision. her eyes are soft, staring at your torso. "y/n, do you know the history of psychosomatic healers?"

raising a brow, you nod your head. "yeah, they're the rarest of the healing trifecta. there hasn't been one in this dimension since 1699, and even then there's only seven recorded cases because they're so difficult to pinpoint at commencement." dr. min steps forward, noticing chan's eyes glued to the floor as dr. kang examines you further.. "y/n, i'd like to try something, if you don't mind." nodding, you allow dr. kang to take your arm in her hand, pulling your sleeve off your shoulder.

with a quick swipe of her nails, you're bleeding. you gape at her, a scoff flying from your lips when chan looks up, the sound tearing him from his thoughts. "are you serious, seulgi?" you push her away, flickering orange and dr. min beckons chan forward. "touch her, chan."

taking a deep breath, chan gets closer to you, his nose scrunching at the blood seeping into your shirt. he takes your hand in his, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into your skin. you look away from your shoulder, zeroing in on the subtle touch of affection when a white glow catches everyone's eyes. tugging at your shirt sleeve, seulgi reveals a clean shoulder, no injury visible.

"a psychosomatic healer can only heal those they love." she states, her eyes boring into chan's as he tries to tug his hand away, but you only use it as leverage to sit up. "what the fuck are you guys on about?" "there's no way you're that dumb, y/n." seulgi snorts, her manicured fingernail pointing at your chest. "i don't know how he did it, and i don't think we'll ever know. the curse the coven set upon you has been lifted by him." you look down — the raised welt where your scar once was has dissipated. widening your eyes, you peel the shoulder of your shirt down, the formerly scarred skin now smooth. your fingers tremble as you run them over your soft flesh, feeling the sting of tears forming. you can feel the burn of a sob in your throat as chan releases your hand, stepping back as you process.

the burning of his gaze, of his skin on yours, of your chest in his presence. the ache you felt in your soul yesterday as his lips brushed your neck with every roll of his hips, the way his answers confused you. the anger you felt while walking to class, at not being able to decipher him.

the way his angel eyes held the sun, the moon, and the stars. the way worry creases his brow though relief has washed over his frame, the way you're itching to hold him close, and never, ever let go.

it all makes sense.

"we'll give you both a moment." the master sorcerers bow their heads as they back out of the room, dr. min closing the door behind him. you sit in silence, feeling sticky and gross and overwhelmed.

"you're in love with me?!" you shriek, and chan throws up his hands in defense. "i thought we already knew this, why are we screaming?!" you swat his arm, and a nervous laugh bubbles up his throat. flopping back down onto the gurney, you dramatically cover your eyes with your arm, sighing. "now i have to cherish this, and we're probably going to get married and have kids and all that shit. are you serious? are you serious." "y/n…" you stand up, pacing back and forth in front of him, your hands weaving through your hair to soothe the onsetting migraine at the information. "how are you not freaking out, chan? you just found out you're one of the rarest healers in the trifecta, and not to mention the first in over three centuries! are you shitting me right now?" "y/n?"

you're not listening as you continue to ramble, pacing a hole into the floor when he grabs your shoulder, pulling you to him. taking both your hands in his, he looks you in the eyes. "you're spiraling."

huffing, you nibble on your lower lip. "what happens now, chan?"

his smile is warm, it's comforting, it's making your stomach flip as he pulls you closer, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. "i don't know. isn't that the beauty of it all, though? not knowing where you end up?"

pouting, you rest your head on his shoulder, allowing his warmth to seep into your skin. "i've never felt this, chan. i don't know what it's like to be lost, i've always had my answers." you can feel the vibrations of his chest as he laughs, his hand coming to stroke your hair gently.

"that's okay, it'll be like the blind leading the blind. for now, we can just focus on…us? maybe go on a date, have dinner…" his voice is soft as you look up to him, his eyes already scanning your face for any hint of rejection. "unless you don't want to." you do, of course you do.

"i'm all sweaty, and gross. we've had a revelation about your purpose in this world, your eyes are a different color, and you want to focus on us?" your voice is laced with incredulity, a hint of amusement peeking through as it tugs at your lips. "i have my whole life to focus on other things. when you can't find a piece of a puzzle, you pick another part to focus on, do you not? i have that answer, that piece now, but i'm already figuring this part out." squeezing your shoulder, he places a chaste kiss on your hairline, your nose scrunching.

"why did you come with me?" you poke his chest, and he smirks. "yesterday or today?"

gaping, you land a soft smack to his chest, his squeaky laughter filling your ears as your cheeks heat. "chan! not funny!" "sorry, i'm sorry! i saw an opportunity, i took it. but, i was worried about you." he starts, taking a piece of your hair between his fingers. "i saw how angry you looked before minnie spoke to you, and before you looked at me. you started looking faint when we met eyes, and i was…i was scared that something might happen to you and that i wouldn't be able to apologize for potentially overstepping boundaries, or ruining whatever little game we have going on."

"you couldn't ruin whatever this is even if you tried." you scoff, your words tumbling out before you can process them. "i've never felt anything this intense before in my entire life. my ears started ringing when i touched your chest on tuesday, here." you splay your fingers on his hoodie, in the same place.

"i couldn't hear a thing. that was me, the blockage, i was basically hearing myself. if we didn't have that moment, if you hadn't let me in, none of this would have happened." you speak softly, taking his hands in yours, his eyes glassy as he looks into yours. your smile is gentle, and he can feel his stomach flutter as you lean closer. "and i'm so glad it did. despite this whole day being so weird, despite the coven probably burning holes into the back of my head right now from hell right now, and despite the tears i can see about to spill out of your eyes, nothing could ruin this. okay?" he looks away, nibbling on his lip. your thumb strokes his cheek, catching a few stray tears as you make him face you. vision blurring, but you can see him clearer than ever.

"okay?" you insist, and he nods. "okay."

"good." pulling him towards you, you crash your lips to his, feeling your heart beating in your ears. your arms cross over his shoulders, his hands finding home on your bare waist, the kiss becoming heated. parting his lips, your tongue snakes its way in, a soft groan from chan as he pushes you back, your knees hitting the gurney.

"not in here, guys." dr. kang's voice echoes in the room, and you spring apart like teenagers. wiping at your lips, you watch as chan grabs your discarded jacket, and his bag. outstretching his hand to you, you take it, letting him rush the both of you towards the door. quickly bowing to the master sorcerers, you giggle as the cool december air hits your chest.

"yeah, y/n! nice titties, girl!" you hear a holler from down the hall, your eyes catching a glimpse of minnie's teal hair. you smile widely, waving as chan continues, a blush coating his cheeks as you begin to float behind him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

"where are we going?" you mumble in his ear, and he shivers. "to yours. i need to show you how much you mean to me." you let the butterflies bounce around in your stomach, knowing exactly what was coming your way.

friday – january 08.

your relationship with chan had become the talk of the wizard world. several words were thrown your way, many to your detriment – but you chose to focus on 'love epiphany' and 'anomalies made to traverse together.'

he naturally passed your class with flying colors, what more could you do when he literally discovered himself? the students deemed it completely fair, with only yugyeom choosing to retake your course because he felt like he didn't really do what was necessary. mornings were filled with the buzzing of your phone – the students had made a group chat and continuously badgered you with memes, and mingyu with his graduation photos.

whereas, chan's mornings were filled with you, his phone long put on silent. your soft hair tickling his neck, only for your gentle lips to place chaste kisses along his jaw as he awoke. your warm leg draped over his waist, your knee teasing his crotch so early was something he'd never get used to. your arm, propping you up once he lazily peels an eye open, closing it the moment he sees your beaming smile, a blush coating his cheeks.

"do you always stare at me when i sleep?" he mumbles, his fingers dipping under the hem of your sleep shorts. "do birds fly?" "you're a creep, you know that?" laughing, he lets you hold his eyes open with your fingers, the indigo glow of them making you glow brighter in turn. that was what it meant, after all – the subzero color now warm, as you illuminated the room with your love for chan. "yeah? well you're creeping your fingers into my panties, so maybe shut up."

your lips are addicting, he could never get enough of them as you brush them against him. both sets, of course.

kidding. sort of. not at all. he loves you, okay? that's all that matters.

"you should check your email, channie." you murmur against his neck, and he nods his head, watching as you try not to smile. "oh i should, should i?" ignoring the raise of his eyebrow, you reach for chan's phone, plopping it on his bare chest. chan lolls his head back, hands relocating to your hips as he pulls you on top of him. your cheeks heat at the soft love bites on his pec, but shake it away as his voice snakes into your head

"you seem a little too excited, baby." he ruffles your hair as he unlocks his phone, and you just bite your lip as he scans the screen. "tell me, sorcerer, what's the news?" your voice bounces off the walls, with chan just squeezing your hip in response.

from: [email protected]

dearest bang chan,

it is our honor here at the spellbound institute of magic to let you know that you have been chosen to be published in this year's edition of the spellbound sorcerer. such an honor is only awarded to those with extraordinary skill.

we've also made the unanimous decision for you to speak at this year's annual convention, taking over the healing trifecta's booth. more information will be provided as the date approaches.

we look forward to seeing you and professor y/l/n there.

signed,

dr. kang seulgi

dr. min yoongi

master sorcerers

spellbound institute of magic

his eyes flicker to yours, your grin so wide, it's infectious. "i'm getting published." "you're getting published!" you cheer loudly, and chan feels his cheeks heat as you pepper his face in kisses. "you're getting published, baby! we have to celebrate! let's ask your parents to dinner, yeah? we can get a cabin for the weekend, so they don't have to drive home so late."

he forgets how you pried the truth about his parents out of him, but he's almost sure it was last tuesday when you made him beg for you to sit on his face. almost sure, but he doesn't really care anymore. after all, he'd warmed up to you.

"i'm so proud of you, channie." your voice is gentle as you swipe your thumbs under his eyes, and he nods, burying his face in your chest as embarrassment spreads in his. "hey, you can't hide from me. what happened to the praise kink? don't you want to know how good you're doing?" "i told you that in confidence!" he swats at your leg as he nestles into your laughter. "i know! it's just me and you here, what's the problem?! let me praise you!"

"never. come on, let's read my stupid essay." he throws the comforter off his legs, and you huff as you climb off his lap. sitting up on the edge of the bed, you lean against his back, your arms hooked around his broad shoulders. the same ones full of your nail marks, a few imprints of your teeth scattered around them. "i graded it, i already read it." "well, praise me while i read it." he snorts, and you press a soft kiss to his shoulder. "mm, okay. i'll take what i can get."

bang chan

professor y/l/n

identity theory

if you're nothing without this suit, then you shouldn't have it. – tony stark, spider-man: homecoming (2017)

the fall was slow, like liebesträume.

feeling lost is an understatement.

i've been lost before – in grocery stores, misunderstanding assignments. i've even been lost in the woods before, riddled with anxiety standing within the trees. so uniform, full of belonging. those trees know where their purpose lies.

me? i've been wandering this world not knowing where my purpose lies, what i'm meant to be doing with said unrealized purpose. this is a feeling of disorientation, isolation, off course. it's all the same anyway, isn't it?

i spent years looking for answers – from the day i was dropped off at the academy to the day i met professor y/l/n. life was well sullied with fear, a feeling of desperation as i felt my time running low. i willingly put myself in danger, hopping from dimension to dimension with the aid of some friends to find something to ease my worries, and came up empty. answers will find you, not you them.

another thing i failed to consider was that i perhaps had my answer all along. from the natural instinct to protect and take care of the people i hold close, to the agony of being away from my family – all i needed was a catalyst. something to throw me even more off course, even more confusing than what life had come to be before her.

professor y/l/n has brought me to life. truly, i could never say enough to express the appreciation i have for her, but i will attempt it any chance i get. an enigma, an anomaly, a paradigm – she is far, far more than these words could begin to define. she's selfless, she's full of light and i could never understand that. my admiration for her goes well beyond this lifetime, and like the praying mantis, she was a beacon of guidance.

her story is full of twists and turns as she allowed me to indulge. from the flickering of the glow around her, to understanding that only the deepest of her indigo hue glows for me, i'm honored to say the least. i will never get enough of her story, of her truths, of her. the idea that love lies in the hands of the beholder is entirely true in this case. to be loved is to be known, and she read me far beyond my wildest dreams the moment her golden cast laid upon me.

eckhart tolle says that, to love is to recognize yourself in another. i have never experienced something as deep as this, nor have i ever seen myself in y/n – and i'm glad i don't. my insecurities, my flaws, what i dislike about myself, are my own. however, i know she sees something i don't, and i trust that. i trust her, with my entire being. without her, i'd have no clue of my purpose. to younger me, who is still wondering the answer to that, i propose this.

your purpose is to love. love beyond your ways, love selflessly. love selfishly, like it's all you can do. like it's all you're capable of, because the moment you lay eyes on y/n? you will see, it is. loving her is all you can do. life without love is meaningless, life without her is hopeless.

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huhjxn · 1 year

Text

eavesdrop part I

kim chaewon x fem!soloist!reader

you were badmouthing chaewon and unbeknownst to you, the kim chaewon heard what you said. now, you are baffled as to why chaewon seem to hate you when you literally just met.

! : swearing, angst, chaewon wtf

3.4k words

read part II here.

The hall was filled with people hurrying, trying to do their jobs, making sure that they would be able to do so without any delays. Panic was evident in some of their eyes while the others seem like they are used to this kind of day.

Kim Chaewon loses her balance for a bit as she was accidentally bumped by one of the stylists of a boy group that was about to go into their dressing room. Her eyes enlarged as she saw who she bumped into and Chaewon felt uneasy with it, "It's really not that big of a deal," she thought.

"Don't worry, I'm okay," Chaewon said with a smile that was professionally plastered on her face. The stylist nodded and uttered another apology before hurrying into the group's room.

Chaewon just finished performing on stage with Le Sserafim and was roaming to see if she would see any of her friends that were also promoting.

"She's so annoying, I swear to god," Chaewon heard a familiar voice as she was about to pass by a room with a door that was partly open. "Like that face that she makes? Chaewon seriously gets on my nerves every single time."

She froze on the spot. First of all, she found it absurd that an idol would shamelessly talk crap about her where she could easily get caught. Secondly, she couldn't fathom how a sweet and charming idol like you could do that when you don't even know each other.

Chaewon didn't want to accuse you of badmouthing her, so she decided to sneak a little peak just to be sure and there you were talking to The Boyz's Kim Sunwoo, a frown was very evident on your sickeningly beautiful face.

With her fists clenched, she went back to her dressing room, and when she arrived, her members were simply concerned why their leader seemed to be in such a foul mood.

You woke up to your phone ringing beside you. The obnoxiously loud volume of your ringtone pissed you off in the early hours of the day, so you immediately picked up the phone and answered the call from your manager.

"Y/N, are you up?" She asked, knowing that she most likely woke you up. Stretching your limbs out and groaning at the sensation, you answered, "Yeah, I'm up now."

"Okay, good. I've got some news for you."

Chaewon's eyes faltered as her manager relayed the news to her. She refused to believe that it was real.

"Are you sure that it has to be me?" Chaewon clarified, "I mean, Kkura unnie is funny and great with variety shows, she's also the best at cooking among us, I think she would be a better fit for the show," she tried to negotiate.

"Chaewon," their manager started, maintaining eye contact with her, "You know that Sakura already has other schedules with Fearless Kkura."

The leader had no choice but to nod in agreement. Although she wanted to say that Yunjin would be a good candidate because the girl is absolutely hilarious, she decided to go with it. Deep down, she was also intrigued and curious about what could possibly happen while working with you.

You couldn't help but feel excited and panicked at the same time. The fact that you were about to work with Le Sserafim's Kim Chaewon still hasn't sunk in with you yet. You closely followed IZ*ONE when they were still active as a group, and you were a hundred percent aware that Kim Chaewon is an intimidating individual who seems to get upset easily and would sometimes bless her fansites with death glares. There's literally nothing to be afraid of.

Checking yourself out in the mirror for the last time, you tried to calm your nerves and took a sip from your cup of iced tea with a shot of espresso before releasing a huge sigh, "Sooyoung unnie seriously have a weird taste," you thought looking at the drink your friend ordered for you.

You put the cup down and left the dressing room, making your way to the studio. On your way there, you could feel your heart pounding, and you had no idea if it was because of the espresso or because you were finally about to meet Kim Chaewon.

When you entered the studio, you noticed that she wasn't there yet so you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. Smiling at all the staff that were present, you greeted them one by one.

Chaewon arrived at the scene and saw you laughing with the staffs. The sight was truly adorable but it made her seethe with anger, remembering what you said. However, before anyone could notice, she immediately changed her demeanor, and started greeting the staff as well.

After hearing some commotion behind you, you felt yourself momentarily freeze on the spot before hearing a sweet voice call for you. "Y/N?"

Turning to face the owner of the voice, you were met with a beautiful idol with a smile on her face, "Hi, I'm looking forward to working with you," Chaewon said before bowing.

You mirrored her actions and looked into her eyes. She seemed so lovely but there was definitely something off about her but you couldn't point your finger on it. Deciding to ignore it, you smiled at her and said, "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Chaewon sunbaenim."

The both of you were getting ready to shoot a short show where you have to bake some pastries and sell it in a local cafe. In all honesty, you were confident in baking; it was your forte. What you're not confident with is baking with Chaewon.

Although being the same age as her, there's no denying that she's got more experience than you. You also noticed how stiff she was when she's around you; you were worried that you wouldn't vibe with each other and the viewers might notice it as well.

Trying to diminish the doubts that were currently clouding your head, you tried taking a deep breath before stealing a glance at Chaewon, only to see her already looking at you.

To be more accurate, you saw her glaring at you. The sight was a total shock. "Is there something wrong?" You thought to yourself. Not long after, a production crew member approached the both of you and Chaewon immediately averted her eyes and smiled at the staff.

"We will be starting in 5, make sure that everything is good to go, and if you have any concerns, don't hesitate to call us," he said before approaching the camera.

You faced your coworker for the day, "Good luck to us," you muttered unsurely, forcing up a smile despite the nerves eating you up.

Chaewon studied your features, immediately taking notice of your fake smile before crafting a professional smile as well, "Let's do well today so we could go home early."

She could see your face falter and it took everything in her not to roll her eyes and shove you. "This is work," she reminded herself, "You have to be the bigger person."

The shoot started and little by little, the tension between the both of you disappeared. Mostly because Chaewon kept struggling while baking some of the pastries.

"I should just use this mixer for the cream right?" Chaewon asked. You looked up from where you were piping the macaron batter onto the parchment paper.

You found it absolutely adorable how Chaewon looked so clueless but obviously you wouldn't tell her that. She looked at you expectantly and you realized that you haven't answered her question.

"Yes, just be careful with it," you said as you felt the warmth on your cheeks and immediately broke eye contact, pretending to be very focused on your task when in reality you could practically do it with your eyes closed.

Chaewon nodded, turning the hand mixer on and using it on the cream. Unfortunately for her, the cream splattered onto her and as a response, she screamed. This immediately caught your attention and rushed to her side, worried that she might've gotten hurt. "Are you okay?" you asked, holding onto her wrist that was on the mixer.

Chaewon nodded, avoiding your eyes, "Yeah, but I'm covered in cream," she said in a cute voice, knowing that the both of you are still filming a content for the fans. Yes, it was for the fans and for the fans only.

You grinned subconsciously, getting a piece of tissue to wipe off the cream on her face. You started wiping the cream on her nose as it was the most visible, and proceeded to wipe the ones that were on her forehead.

"Good thing we're wearing an apron," you joked, and Chaewon couldn't help but blush at her sudden awareness of your close distance.

After wiping the cream off of her forehead, you took a new piece of tissue and wiped the cream off her lips. You were very focused on cleaning her up to notice the flustered state that the short-haired girl was in. That was until she reached for your wrist and you looked at her in question. Seeing her eyes so close to yours made you rapidly blink before taking a step back.

Chaewon gave a small smile of appreciation before holding onto the mixer once again. "Oh wait," you said.

She looked at you in question before you added, "Do you want to switch? I can mix the cream and you can pipe the macarons."

Nodding in agreement, she said with an awkward laugh, "Yeah, I think that would be better."

After putting the macarons inside the oven, you decided to initiate a conversation to make the atmosphere less awkward, "Have you already decided who you're giving these to?"

Chaewon thought of an answer, "I'll most likely give it to my members," she said with a grin forming, "I think our maknae would love it."

You nodded, smiling at her answer, "Oh Manchae? You should also give her some of the cookies that we baked earlier," you looked through the small window of the kitchen to the counter that displays the pastries, "There's still a lot left from the batch that we made."

Chaewon agreed with a smile, but it slowly faltered, remembering that you aren't as kind as you act. "If she could say all those things about me, what's stopping her from bashing our maknae?" She thought, and immediately felt protective of her member.

"How about you?" You looked at her in question before she added, "Do you have anyone in mind who would be interested in receiving pastries from the most charming Y/N?"

Chaewon was being sarcastic but you were pretty oblivious and blushed at her words, "Uh, I might give them to my friend, Jung— KimLip from LOONA," you said before adding, "She celebrated her birthday recently and I could give this as a gift."

The short-haired girl nodded, not really caring about your answer. Yeah, she definitely didn't feel anything when you mentioned that you were giving your pastries to a very pretty idol. No, that would be absurd.

After wrapping up the shoot, the both of you thanked all of the staff for their hard work and you immediately grabbed a bag of some pastries that you personally baked earlier while Chaewon was in charge of manning the counter.

You looked around to find her but she had already left the studio. You went to look for her and saw her inside her dressing room alone. "Chaewon," you said with a smile, remembering how she told you to talk to her comfortably earlier during the shoot, "Here, you should take this home for your members, I'm sure they'll like it."

The girl smiled at you and took the bag from your grasp, "Thank you," she said sweetly, but suddenly the facade wore off. Chaewon dropped her smile as well as the bag and the pastries scattered on the floor, "But no thanks."

You stood there in shock. You didn't know how to respond; her whole demeanor changed and it felt like the Chaewon you just worked with was gone. "I—"

"Y/N," Chaewon started calmly but the venom in her tone was more than evident and it made you uncomfortable, "The camera is gone, we don't have to act like we like each other anymore so I suggest you take your trash and leave."

Chaewon felt so powerful as she let those words out, she wanted to pat herself on the shoulder for telling you off which she wanted to do ever since she overheard you talking crap about her. But after seeing the look on your face, she felt a pit on her stomach and she found it weird. Shouldn't she be relieved? Why was she feeling more upset? She convinced herself that it's because you looked upset when clearly she had every right to be upset at you.

You remained unmoving as Chaewon grabbed her stuff and left. You could feel the tears welling up as you looked at the scattered pastries on the floor, including the brownies that Chaewon stepped on when she was leaving.

It was absolutely humiliating. You felt so helpless. During the shoot, you thought that the both of you vibed with each other but it turns out that you didn't. Kim Chaewon was such a fake.

You went out of the room and went into yours to grab your stuff before leaving. You took out the phone from your pocket before texting your friend.

Unnie, I have something for you :) Are you free rn?

Not a minute later, she replied.

Yeah, I'm at Heejin's apartment with Hyunjin. Come over, the girls miss you

You went straight to Heejin's apartment and as you arrived at her door, it swung open even before ringing the bell. "Y/N! You're here!" Heejin greeted you, engulfing you in a hug.

Jungeun approached the both of you and said, "You made it." You went to wrap the girl in an embrace before saying, "Happy Birthday, unnie. I got you some of your favorites."

The three of you went to the dining area where Hyunjin was waiting, "You brought food?" she asked cheekily before Jungeun answered her, "Yes but it's for me!"

"Don't worry, Hyunjin," You said with a smile, "I got you some bread that I baked." Hyunjin perked up and approached you to grab the bag from your hold. Heejin studied your face as she noticed something different.

"Did something happen?" She asked suddenly and the two LOONA members looked at her in question. "I had a schedule earlier where I had to bake some pastries."

"Yeah, but that doesn't explain your puffy eyes," Heejin replied, the girls then looked at you and that's when they realized that Heejin was right.

You were just about to reply to her when her doorbell rang again. Hyunjin looked at Heejin before asking, "Are you expecting anyone else?"

She shook her head, "No." Heejin stood from her seat and approached the front door. Suddenly excited screams were heard and you immediately recognized the surprise guest before she even arrived at the dining area.

"Hi everyone!" Yena said with a grin that reached her eyes. Everyone greeted her back and they all engaged in small talks. You thought that you finally escaped the previous interrogation until Jungeun brought it up.

"Now Yena is going to hear about it too," you thought. You took a deep breath before telling your side of the story.

To say that Yena was surprised was an understatement. The LOONA members weren't close with Chaewon so they didn't have a say on the issue but Yena worked closely with her; they were literally roommates back when IZ*ONE was active. Chaewon was definitely not that kind of person. She looked at you sympathetically, because she knew that you couldn't have made that story up. Yena knew Chaewon but she knows you too; you trained with her in Pledis with Heejin and Hyunjin. Yena knew that something was wrong so she decided that she will ask Chaewon about it later.

A week later, Chaewon was practicing with her members when a sudden loud voice was heard inside the practice room, "Le Sserafim what's up?!" Yena greeted each of the members, almost tackling Sakura to the ground with a hug. Chaewon smiled at her former member and went to hug her as well.

"Unnie! What are you doing here?" Chaewon asked Yena as they separated from each other. Suddenly Yena smacked the back of the leader's head before replying, "To talk to you! I needed information from the source."

When their instructor gave them an hour break, Chaewon led Yena to the cafe in HYBE. They both took a seat and Chaewon looked at Yena expectantly, "So, what did you want to know?"

Yena took a sip from her cup before taking Chaewon off guard, "What's the problem between you and Y/N?" The short-haired girl almost choked on her drink when Yena mentioned you.

"Y/N?" Chaewon looked at Yena in surprise, "How did you know that we have a problem?"

Yena shrugged and said, "She was about to open it up to some of our LOONA friends when I arrived, so I heard about it."

"It shocked me a lot because I know you wouldn't do something like that, but I also know that Y/N wouldn't make up stories to ruin your image." Chaewon laughed sarcastically before saying, "She wouldn't make up stories to ruin my image but she'll definitely talk shit about me to her friends."

Yena was confused by what her friend said so she inquired, "Did she lie about what happened after the shoot?" Chaewon shook her head, "No, it's true. But I only did it in retaliation."

"What do you mean?" Yena was more lost than ever. Chaewon sighed before answering, "I overheard Y/N talking shit about me when I was about to pass by her dressing room in Inkigayo."

"I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe it wasn't her but when I checked inside, she was there talking to her friend from The Boyz." Yena looked at her with creased brows, "Who? Sunwoo?" Chaewon nodded and the older girl asked, "What did she say?"

Chaewon tried to remember the things that you said, "She told him about how the face that I make annoys her." Yena facepalmed herself, "So she said that 'Chaewon is annoying' is that right?"

The younger girl nodded and Yena wanted to smack her friend so badly, "Chaewon," she started, "You do realize that you're not the only Chaewon in the world, right?"

The short-haired girl rolled her eyes before answering, "I know, but who else would she be referring to? Our group just finished performing and I was even one of the ending fairies."

"Chaewon," Yena made sure to explain this to her friend calmly because she doesn't know how she would react to it, "Y/N's best friends are TBZ's Sunwoo and LOONA's Gowon," she said, studying the girl's face, but it seems like Chaewon still didn't understand what she was implying.

"The three of them are almost always present during each other's promotions," Chaewon looked at her friend in question, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Gowon's birth name is Chaewon."

Then everything crumbled at once. Chaewon's stomach dropped and the bad feeling she felt that never went away since she confronted you a week ago just got worse. Her thoughts were spiraling in her head.

She remembered the show you shot together, how you took care of her, how you made sure that she didn't do any of the challenging tasks, how you made sure to clean her up when she splattered the cream all over herself, how you were so close to her that it made her heart beat ten times faster, how you smiled at her when you gave her the bag of pastries that you worked hard on only for her to drop it on the floor and stepped on some of them, she remembered the look on your face when she acted like a total bitch to you, thinking that her actions were reasonable and that it was all your fault.

Yena could see the look of utter defeat on her friend's face, and she knew that she couldn't do anything at the moment to help her friend feel better. No, Chaewon will beat herself up knowing that she acted the way she did when you didn't do anything wrong.

And she's right. Chaewon felt like absolute shit because she remembered everything that you did for her and how she repaid your kindness. She fucked everything up.

: should i write a part 2 for this?

#kim chaewon #kim chaewon x reader #fem reader #chaewon #iz*one #le sserafim x reader #le sserafim scenarios #le sserafim imagines #le sserafim #angst #le sserafim angst #chaewon x reader #huhjxn #kim chaewon angst #chaewon angst #kim chaewon imagines #chaewon scenarios

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jjongscardigan · 1 month

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TRAITOR₊ ⊹⟡ — l.heeseung

PAIRING: heeseung x fem!reader

GENRE: angst

CW: implied cheating, minor mention of suicide

NOTE: The beginning of a series I've had planned since February(??). Big thanks to you, the reader, for giving this a chance and thank you to my best friend, Soup Carottes, for being my involuntary beta reader. 🫂

SYNOPSIS:

Y/n feels her grip on their relationship slipping away with each passing day. She sees the admiration in Heeseung's eyes whenever he looks at Sooyoung, the way he would give her the world. As much as y/n tried to hold onto what they once had, she can feel herself losing hope.

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Heeseung pants as he reaches you. He tries to touch your shoulder but you dodge it. "Babe, I told you Sooyoung needed me-" you cut him off with an icy voice: "She always seems to need you, Hee. If she's not able to take care of herself maybe she should go to a retirement home?" You start walking away and he rushes to catch up to you. "Baby, don't be like that. She's my friend, okay?" You feel the familiar burn behind your eyes and you push it back. You're not letting him see you cry.

Your boyfriend, Heeseung, went to a reading of an author he likes and they hit it off. You were so happy for him. But the last three months he's been hanging out with her more than he's in you guys' appartement. It doesn't help that you're in your second year of college and she's already 33 with her life put together. Heeseung used to look at her with admiration but lately he shares the look he'd reserved for you with her as well. It makes you insecure. Your relationship with him has started to feel like a sandcastle build with too dry sand. At first it stood firm but now it's starting to lose chunks.

Today was the last straw. Your little brother graduated high-school. He's had always looked up to Heeseung and wanted him to be there. He'd personally asked him to attend and had gotten a firm 'yes'. Yet when the day came the seat was empty and he didn't pick up any calls. You'd told your parents his must've been very busy with his internships and end year paper work. An excuse for him. You felt a pang of guilt when your little brother looked around in search for him and sighed disappointedly.

"Babe-" "No, Heeseung. No 'babe' or whatever. We're over." You feel his body stiffen and he let's go of the wrist he was holding. "What?" He chuckles: "Y/n, stop joking around. Look, to make up for today I'll take Woonhak out tomorrow" You exhale to not lose your temper. "Heeseung, it's not only about today. I'm in a one person relationship. Have been for the last three months... No, you know what? Ever since you met that Sooyoung woman you've been absent in my life. What if she's going through a divorce, doesn't she have friends?" You see him open his mouth with a frown and cut him off "No, Heeseung. Friends her age. Friends who aren't in college. Friends who know how to balance that friendship and their relationships" He starts biting his underlip and looks at you.

"Honestly, y/n. You're selfish. For once in my life I help someone and you repay me by doing this? So what if I forgot? I helped someone instead of sitting around waiting for her to I don't know end it all!" He starts raising his voice. He's wearing the sweater you gifted him at you guys' one monthsery. You remember him hugging you so tight you had to jokingly bite his head for him to let go. It was all domestic and cute, you thought that he was the one.

"I'm the selfish one, Hee? On my birthday you went out with Sooyoung. My parents' diner. Sooyoung. Our hangouts with our same age friends, Hee. Sooyoung. Heck, you even brought her to Jay's graduation. But no. No. No. No. You couldn't afford coming to Woonhak's. He was so heartbroken, Heeseung. My parents? They were furious but more disappointed. You know why? Because they expected you to be there, like the other times. Me? I'm used to it anyway. But I will not tolerate it any longer. So, let's end it so that you can babysit that 33 old divorcée." You walk away while ignoring his pathetic pleas and the hickey you saw when his sweater fell off his shoulder.

two weeks later

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perma taglist: @haechansbbg @luvnicho @kim2005bomi @n1k1mura @eclipse-777 @kgyam4

MY WORK!!

#jjongscardigan #enhypen #kpop #enhypen heeseung #heeseung #lee heesung x reader #heeseung x female reader #heeseung au #lee heeseung #sour - enhypen

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nonclassyparty · 8 months

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man with the plan (j.wy) - chapter 2.

Summary: "Don't forget Pretty, I'm serving life plus one. So if I get busted for attempted escape, I'll throw in a homicide in there as well with no problem, that’s like a parking ticket to me." When your brother ends up in jail for a murder he didn't commit, the only thing left for you to do is to find a way to break him out. But after a perfect plan is set in motion, you don't expect a romantic variable to get added into the equation.

Pairing: jung wooyoung x fem. reader, jeong yunho x reader (but if u squint)

Status: in progress

Word count: 7.3k

Warnings: idk for this one, still some cursing, nothing too heavy

Taglist: @tinyjuni @hazysan @atinytinaa @tenebrisirae @doggopepper @dazzlingstarrs @lavishloving @cherrypandora @silentcry329 @jeagerist-20 @myunvillage @manipulatedstars @bitteryu @maru-matt @bubbleteakittyy @joonsthethicc

A/N: hi guys! welcome to chapter 2 of man with the plan....i don't really have anything to say so enjoy lmfao!! wait i do!! if u find any plot holes LITERALLY do not tell me i don't want to know kjfgjkdfhgjkf

my main masterlist // playlist // moodboard // ao3

chapter 1 // masterlist // chapter 3

Chapter 2; How’d I get here, sitting next to you?

The sun is high up in the sky by the time you're walking across the gravel, eyes combing through the yard filled out with men in blue prisoner uniforms. The October air embraces you, it's still chilly despite it nearing noon now but the little bit of sunshine makes the whole place feel more alive and less eerie.

"Hello." You greet, a couple of feet away from the wired fence stopping to stand behind a man occupying an empty lone bench with a Calico cat gently held in his arms that he strokes as he watches out at the yard.

He turns to look over his shoulder, faint surprise etched across his features. His dark hair almost covers his eyes, "Hello."

You sniffle, giving him a faint smile, "You're Park Seonghwa, aren't you?"

His eyes scan you from head to toe, not in a lewd matter whatsoever, but more so in curiosity. "Yes."

His voice is gentle. In fact, the man looks entirely misplaced in an environment like this with his soft and pretty-like features. Not to mention the pet.

"I knew your older sister." You tell him, noticing the way his eyes sadden a little at the mention of his older sibling that passed away a couple of months back from lung cancer.

And well! You didn't exactly get to know her by accident, you purposefully sought her out but Seonghwa here doesn't need to know that.

He pursues his lips, turning to face the yard again and giving you his back, "You knew Nayeon?"

You cock your head to the side, "You mean Sooyoung? Yes, we were members of the same book club. The one in our neighbourhood."

"Ah, the one in Myeongdong." He comments with a nod and your lips quirk up.

"You mean the one in Seongsu-dong? Yes." You bounce right back to him and finally, he turns to look at you again with his own mouth pulling up in an intrigued smile.

"Alright, no more quizzes." He slides around the bench, turning to face you fully with the cat still in his arms, his thumb running across it's head, "What do you want?"

You throw a glance behind you just to notice that there are no guards around before nodding towards the Calico in his lap, "How do they allow you to have it in here?"

"She's not an it, her name is Mijoo." Seonghwa says protectively holding the cat against his chest, "And she's a comfort pet, they allow us to have one or two of those. Only to the ones who are on their best behavior in here, though."

Ah, so he's a goody two-shoes.

You nod with a hum and Seonghwa's eyes leave the cat, Mijoo, as he picks his head up to look at you, "Now you answer my question, what do you want?"

You chuckle, mouth pulling up in a grin as you look to the side in little embarrassment before bringing your attention back to him, "I heard you were Park Ha-ru."

Now, it's Seonghwa's turn to chuckle, "You know, every time they bring a new con in here, he'll approach me and ask the same question," He tilts his head, "Why do you want to know though? Who even are you?"

"I'm Y/N," You motion to the rubble and workers on the other side of the compound, "New supervisor of the construction site."

"Ah," He eyes the building site over your shoulder before looking at you again, "This isn't exactly the place for you, y'know? Surely you must've known that before taking the job and I don't think any boss would be cruel enough to send a young woman to supervise a construction site at a level one prison."

You smile, "I volunteered."

He seems peeved by your response, brows furrowed in deep concentration as he looks you over before sighing.

"Well, I'll tell you the same thing I told everyone else," Seonghwa pursues his lips before placing a small kiss on Mijoo's head, "I'm not him."

Your stomach feels like it's in knots as you stare at him, looking for any signs of dishonesty. Either Park Seonghwa is one hell of a liar or...he just isn't the guy.

...and you got it all wrong.

You think you'll go with option number one, simply to save your brain from going in overdrive with panic. He has to be the one.

"That's too bad," You sigh with a small shrug, smiling, "It would've been kind of cool if you were."

He laughs at that, "Trust me, no-one is more sad about that than me." Seonghwa snorts, eyes squinting from the sun as he stares up at you from the bench, "Having 1.6 billion won hidden somewhere, waiting for me to get out so I could claim it. Unfortunately, all I have is a re-modelled basement in my parents' house and a shitty car waiting for me when I get out."

You chuckle with a nod as your eyes fall to the grass below your boots, "Right."

"Sorry to disappoint." He adds quietly, eyes burning into your profile.

You shake your head with a smirk, "Didn't disappoint." Taking a couple of steps further back when you notice a guard appearing on the other corner of the fence, "It was nice talking to you, Seonghwa."

You know he's puzzled by you, it's easy to read his face but he doesn't voice it, simply nods. "You too."

You walk up the gravel with your hands dug deep into the pockets of your coat until you near the entrance of the building and let out a low groan, remembering you had an appointment with the warden to help him out with the present for his dear wife.

The buzzer followed up by the sound of the door opening and feet shuffling in causes you to look up from the surface of the table in front of you.

Two guards lead Jongho towards you and cuff him to the table, as per usual. He looks like he's gaining some muscle in there, the color of his cheeks is back and hair is shorter but other than that, he looks like the same old Jongho. The only difference is that your brother looks at you like he's about to give you the scolding of a lifetime.

You're both silent, Jongho cranes his neck subtly to watch the guards walk back to the other side of the room before turning towards you, looking absolutely furious.

"Y/N, what the fuck are you doing?" Jongho hisses out, leaning close to the glass separating the two of you.

You let out a small huff, innocently looking around the room. A full row of glass windows with inmates on one side of the glass with their families on the other surrounded the both of you.

"I don't know what you mean." You tell your brother in a relaxed manner, watching his eyes fall shut in frustration at your purposeful denseness.

"Drop the bullshit." Jongho commands you in a low tone, eyes set in a glare. Except there's no anger in his words but worry, "Whatever it is that you're doing, just stop."

You press your lips together, placing your trembling hands in your lap. "I can't do that."

Your brother watches you in confusion through the glass, mouth lightly hanging open as he shakes his head at you, wondering what you've gotten yourself into.

"Jongho, I only have ten minutes so you need to shut the fuck up and listen to me now." You lean closer to tell him in a whisper, glancing over his shoulder to check on the guards who were still by the wall on the other side. There were too many ears surrounding you even without any wires in the visitations room but you knew Jongho well enough to know that he won't budge until you throw him a bone, so you'll have to speak in your little code praying that he will understand; "Jay is leaving soon."

Complete and utter confusion clouds Jongho's face as he leans even closer, nose touching the glass as he stares at you with furrowed brows.

You bite back on your frustration, "Jay, you remember him?"

"Jay? You mean m-" Your brother finally remembers the nickname you had for him when you were a mere child.

"Yes. He's leaving soon. The foster home he's been stuck in, well, they told me the conditions are just terrible," You explain with a soft chuckle while Jongho hangs onto every word that leaves your mouth, you glance to your side where another visitor sits just a couple of inches away conversing with an inmate, "So he's getting out of there."

It takes a second for the words to sink in before the confusion on his face is erased completely and replaced by disbelief.

"Jongho, do you understand?"

He's silent for a short moment, swallowing nervously before his eyes meet yours again, "I understand but...but Y/N, that's impossible."

You give your brother a comforting smile, "Not if you designed the place it isn't."

Jongho's eyes grow wide as saucers, "You're break-"

"Shut up." His mouth clamps shut immediately. "There's no other way."

"Y/N-" Your brother starts again, voice lower but you're too busy noticing that the woman next to you is standing up and with that, the tables on both of your sides will be empty. You lean as close to him you can get with the glass serving as a barrier between the two of you.

"I only have three minutes left, so listen to me." You tell him and he opens his mouth again to interject but you're quicker. The guards are by the wall, unmoving, it's only a matter of time before someone occupies the empty seats. You whisper to him, "The benches in the yard, they have a certain type of bolt in them that you'll need. Use a quarter to unscrew it, you only need one and for fuck's sake, make sure no-one sees you doing it."

"Wait, you're actually serious about this."

You suck in a sharp breath, swearing that if there wasn't the glass in front of you, you would've slapped him by now. "Well, I'm not exactly on vacation here Jongho, trust me."

He looks positively bamboozled.

"Do you understand what we need?" He needs a second before quickly nodding, you nod back, "Good, now tell me, your new cellmate..."

Jongho scoffs with an eyeroll, "It's some guy named Coin. A pain in my ass is what he is."

"Coin?" You question in confusion at the stupid name before quickly shaking his head, "Doesn't matter, can you trust him?"

"Trust who? Coin?" Jongho looks like you've grown a second head before explaining. "If you sewed the guy's mouth shut, he'd find a way to talk through his ass. A thief from what I heard, robbed a liquor store armed and ended up here." He eyes you, "Why do you wanna know so much about my cellmates anyway?"

"Because it won't work without your cellmate. We need him." You whisper back, eyes on the clock as the time ticks away. A minute left.

"There's no way to trust anyone in here, let alone him." Your brother comments lowly. Your eyes fall to the surface of the table in thought before you sigh. He looks at you like you've grown a second head, "You want me to tell him?"

You press your forehead against the glass separating you, the surface cool on your skin as you murmur, "If your cellmate isn't on board, there's no digging and if there's no digging then there's no getting out of here."

"I tell Coin, he'll yapp his mouth off to the rest and then it's over." Jongho mutters back, face set in carefully disguised panic.

"Well, it's just going to have to be a leap of faith then." You mutter to yourself before looking up at him, "Find out if you can trust him first and get the...thing from the yard," You glance at the guards by the door one last time, "I'll tell you what to do next but please, just be careful."

You don't want to even imagine what would happen to him if he were to get caught.

"Y/N, this is too dangerous, you can end up in tr-"

"Don't. Get. Caught." Is the last thing you say before your ten minutes are up and you're standing up from the chair, sparing your brother one last glance before heading towards the exit.

You swing your legs lightly from the chair as you watch Doctor Jung write something down behind his desk before he slides on his rolly chair over to you, getting so close that your knees almost brush.

He gives you a playful smile, cocking his head back a little to look at you with a teasing glint in his eyes. "You went to SNU."

You smile, rolling up the sleeve on your left arm and holding it out for him, "You've been checking up on me."

He shrugs at your comment, rubbing the soaked cotton ball over your arm with one hand while holding the needle in the other, "I like to get to know my patients, I graduated from there three years before you."

Your eyes are on the floor, not being able to stand the sight of him sinking the needle into your arm. You try not to think about it, instead focus on his devastatingly handsome face as you give him a quick smile, "Maybe we met before. Drunk, at a bar somewhere."

"Doubt it." Doctor Jung responds, you can feel him pulling the needle out and placing a clean cotton ball on your arm for you to hold, which you do. "I'm sure I would've remembered you."

Your brow ticks up as a flirty grin makes way to your face, "That a compliment?"

He glances at you, a smile of his own growing on his lips and if your eyes don't deceive you, a flush on his cheeks, "It is if you want it to be."

You just hum in response, gaze not backing away from his face that it makes him squirm and he stands up with a flustered cough. Your smile grows.

Too easy.

"Sit there for a little bit, I'll get your blood tests, they came from the lab an hour ago." He tells you, already heading to the door and refusing to look at you.

Cute.

The moment he disappears from view, you throw the cotton ball on the table next to you and walk over to the drain, pulling out two tubes and hurriedly squeezing out their contents through the slates on the grate.

The smell is strong but the sizzling is immediate and you shove the empty tubes back into the inner pockets of your blazer before sitting down on the chair the handsome doctor left you in.

You glance down at your arm where you placed back the cotton pad, staring at the small bottle inked onto your skin with the words 'Cute Poison' hanging above it.

Cute Poison, rather a mnemonic for copper sulfate and phosphoric acid that you carefully poured into two empty toothpaste tubes the night before in your own bathroom should get the job done as soon as the good doctor here confirms that you are, in fact, diabetic and need daily shots.

You did a lot of research on it in the months of preparation, never been much of a chemist.

But you did know one thing, when these two chemicals are mixed together, they will react violently and corrode metal.

You cast one last glance at water drainage under the sink before your attention is snatched away by Doctor Jung walking into the room with a clipboard.

He sits down on the same chair in front of you, flipping through the papers on it.

"Hmmm." He lets out and you bring your gaze from the floor over to him where he sits with his brows furrowed as he reads off of the papers.

"What?" You ask, trying not to seem too tense although the way your foot kicks up and down might give you away.

"Your blood glucose is at fifty milligrams per deciliter." Wooyoung says in mild confusion and maybe concern.

"So?" You question obtusely, playing dense being the better option in a situation like this despite knowing exactly what it means. But you're already feeling your heartbeat accelerate at the fact that the pills weren't fucking working.

Why weren't they working? You took one this morning before leaving. Did they need more time to kick in?

Your palms are already starting to sweat.

"Your body's reacting to the insulin as though you're not a diabetic. Are you sure it's Type 1 Diabetes you got?" He voices out with his attention on you.

You nod with lips pressed together before calmly answering; "Ever since I was a kid."

"Alright." He looks down to the chart again, "And you're not experiencing any tingling sensations, cold sweats?"

You silently shake your head with a sheepish smile, the shaky hand gripping the bottom of the chair you're sitting on.

Wooyoung takes a moment to go through the papers again before the ringing of the phone on his desk cuts through the silence (and your inner panic). He stands up to get it but not before turning to you;

"I'd like to run some tests the next time you're in." Wooyoung informs you with his lips folded in a pout that you think comes naturally to him when he's serious. He might not even be aware of it. Cute. But you're in deep shit, you don't have the time to think about that. "The last thing I want is to be administering insulin to a girl who doesn't need it."

You feign a smile as you stand up as well, "Yeah, sure."

He takes a moment to gauge your face again but the phone keeps ringing. The doctor sighs, glancing at it, "Okay."

You head for the door and towards your small, cramped office feeling utterly worried.

Once you reach your office, you close the door shut and stare at your hand that shakes uncontrollably. If the pills, PUGNAC, didn't work and he discovers that you're not diabetic, the whole plan falls through.

No, no, no. You can't think like that Y/N, you tell yourself, have a little faith.

The guy who got them for you said that they were insulin blockers, the real deal.

So they're supposed to work but maybe they need more time. Wooyoung gave you your first shot three days ago, that's when you started to take the pills each morning.

Maybe they needed more time to kick in.

They'll work.

They have to.

Hongjoong deemed himself as a fairly smart guy.

Sure, he was in prison currently serving two life sentences but he did manage to get away with his crimes for years on years before he eventually and inevitably got caught, that had to count for something, right?

So, yes, Hongjoong was a smart guy.

Which is exactly why the moment they walked him into the visitations room and sat him down in front of a complete stranger when usually, only Jeongin would visit him, Hongjoong knew that something was brewing.

He stays quiet, eyeing the guy who seems to be about his age as the guard cuffs him to the table and Hongjoong sighs in annoyance, so many unnecessary precautions. Where the hell would he even go if he tried to run from here?

The moment the guard steps further away, Hongjoong turns to the stranger.

"Who the fuck are you?" Hongjoong stares at the man's face, trying to gauge if he might know him from somewhere but when he comes up blank, he waits for the man's response.

"I'm just here to deliver a message to you Mr. Kim." The man answers, he's in a suit and tie, all perfectly ironed, hair brushed back and an expensive watch hanging from his wrist.

If anyone else were to see him, they'd probably think he worked a cozy office job and drank scotch like a pretentious fuck when he visited bars but Hongjoong can recognize a thug when he sees one.

"I'm not taking any messages, thanks." Hongjoong dryly responds, already moving to call the guard over before he gets stopped by the man's voice again.

"You might want to take this message." Hongjoong freezes in place when he sees the photo the guy presses to the glass and it causes him to sit his ass back down on the chair once again.

Thrilled, he leans in closer, observing the photo, eyes stuck on the familiar face that's been plaguing his mind for the last four years.

"Gunwoo..." Hongjoong mutters to himself, eyeing the familiar man in the photo before turning his attention back to the stranger, "You know where he is."

"I don't." The stranger responds and Hongjoong almost deflates about to curse him out until the man continues, "But the person who sent me here, does."

That puzzles Hongjoong and he stays quiet, deep in thought for a long moment. "What do you want? I don't have time for games."

Well, that was a lie. He had two life sentences worth of time but he just wasn't in the mood right now.

"The person who sent me here told me to pass on a message which is that you should speak to Choi Jongho."

Hongjoong frowns at that, growing perpetually more confused the more he sits here.

Choi Jongho was brought in a little over a year ago, Hongjoong remembers it well.

It's hard to forget a kid that killed the Vice President's brother in cold blood. It was all over the news, spread even through the prison like wildfire among the guards. He was the talk of town when they first brought him into his cell.

But once everyone realized that he was kind of boring, just sticking to his cell and one and the same corner of the yard, everyone slowly forgot about him. He didn't do much of anything else to remain remembered, just a guy that killed someone and was now serving life.

Guys like that are a dime a dozen in here.

So why the hell was someone sending him a message to speak to Choi Jongho?

"And Choi knows where Gunwoo is?" Hongjoong asks. Finding Gunwoo was the most important thing for now, he honestly couldn't care less how he'd have to get that information out of anyone.

Let alone Choi Jongho. If he knew where Gunwoo was, Hongjoong wouldn't even try to play whatever game someone wants him to, just ten minutes alone with him during P.I. time and a pair of claw scissors and Hongjoong would get what he wants out of him.

"No." The stranger responds and Hongjoong has to bite back another groan, growing more pissed off by the second.

"Then what?" He snaps back, eyes set in a glare as his patience starts getting tested. "Who knows?"

"The same person who sent me here and is pulling my own strings." The stranger remarks with his lips pursued as if he's nervous.

He should be, Hongjoong thinks because if he finds out that all of this is a scam he'll make sure his people find this man.

"When you go up to talk to Choi Jongho, you need to give him something."

Hongjoong can't believe what he's hearing. What the hell is he supposed to give him? Money? For information Choi apparently doesn't have?

"What?" He asks bluntly, agitated.

The man places something on the table in front of him and Hongjoong peers at the small object through the glass before letting out a chuckle of disbelief.

Gato was snoring obnoxiously on the lower bunk and it felt like someone was grating Hongjoong's nerves as he leaned against the bars of the cell, peering up and down the long two floors of identical cells until his eyes stopped on a specific one.

Choi Jongho mimicked Hongjoong's position in his own cell on the upper floor opposite of him. His hands hanging from the bar as he stares through the bars to the lower floor, eyes empty and unfocused.

Hongjoong spent the rest of the time in the yard after visitation observing Choi, wanting to see if the younger man would do anything, give him some sort of signal, something. But the kid didn't so much as glance at him. Only kept to his little corner of the yard with his obnoxiously loud cellmate hanging around him.

Did Choi Jongho even know Hongjoong was told to approach him?

Hongjoong stared at the kid's face, his dark hair was curling around his ears and he'd look younger than he actually was if it wasn't for the obvious muscle he was packing under his sweatshirt.

"I should also warn you that if anything were to happen to Choi Jongho...or myself after this visit is over, you'll never find out where Gunwoo is." The stranger discloses and Hongjoong wants to let out a laugh.

"Like I give a fuck, I'm already serving life plus one man, I don't care for Gunwoo." That was a lie but he got caught red handed, Hongjoong's first plan was most definitely to hurt Choi for information.

"I think you have much more at stake here Mr. Kim considering that if Gunwoo testifies, your family hidden in Osaka would be left vulnerable and all the assets that allow them to live lavishly while you're in here would disappear. Isn't that why you're trying to find him in the first place? So all the enemies you've made over the years don't target your loved ones." Hongjoong's face drops and he raises his arm to slap the glass in front of him but before his anger could get the best of him, he leans in closer to the man sitting opposite of him.

"Who are you?" Hongjoong hisses, cheeks flushing in anger as he glares down the stranger.

"I told you already, I'm just someone sent in here with orders to talk to you."

Hongjoong inhales a deep breath, getting tired of playing this silly game.

"I have the people to find Gunwoo myself. I don't need anyone else playing detective for me in exchange for whatever it is they want." Hongjoong states with his arms crossed, not being used to anyone seeing him with his defenses down. Playing the one not in charge was never his forte.

"That may be but whoever is pulling my strings isn't just offering Gunwoo's location." The stranger voices out, leaning in closer to the glass window with a glint in his eye, "They're offering you an opportunity to get Gunwoo yourself."

And well, that definitely peaked Hongjoong's interest.

Hongjoong kicks Gato's leg which immediately stirs him from deep sleep and causes the bigger man to open his eyes. "Wake up, knucklehead."

"What, boss?" The man asks in a gruff voice, lightly sitting up on the uncomfortable bunk bed.

Hongjoong really can't believe that he's about to ask this, as he turns to his cellmate holding out a piece of paper.

"What do you know about making dove origamis?"

Your nerves were skyrocketing as you walked down the hallway leading to the infirmary, remembering that the good doctor was supposed to run "some tests" today as he promised during your last visit.

You were an optimist by nature, always holding onto the last shred of faith no matter how miniscule it was but your brain couldn't help but taunt you, what if the pills didn't work this time either? What if you got the wrong prescription? What if...

Hence the nerves.

"Hello." You greet quietly, walking into the room where Doctor Jung was already sitting with a kit prepared in front of him.

"How are we doing today, Miss Y/N?" He asks casually, motioning for you to sit on the usual chair in front of him.

Immediately, you find your way over there and plop down on the chair, "I'm good."

He looks at you with a faint smile, honey skin looking healthy and smooth under the sunshine beaming through the infirmary windows. "Everything good on the construction site?"

You barely register his question, too busy watching as he takes your index finger and swabs it, getting ready to administer the test.

"Uh, yeah." You respond distractedly, the fact that needles made you queasy didn't exactly help calm the nerves.

He gives you a weird look, probably expecting a flirty response but you weren't in the mood today. What happened next could make or break the plan you've spent the last year making and you can only watch as he punctures the skin, drawing blood and applies a testing pad to take the blood from your finger.

You observe his actions, clearing your throat. "How long does this take?" "It used to take hours, but we've come a long way with the new glucose kits. This'll take us about ten seconds." Doctor Jung explains with ease and you look away in apprehension when he continues to speak; "Slide this strip into the meter then we're ready to go." After he places the strip into the meter, he leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest, "I'm sure you know this but, the average glucose for a non-diabetic is about one hundred milligrams per deciliter. We see a number like that here and we know you've been misdiagnosed."

You're starting to feel ill. What's even worse, you probably look ill. But you can't help but fidget around, scratching the inside of your sweaty palm as you turn your head to glance at the grate under the sink.

You could feel blood rush to your head the more you think about what the hell you were to do if the diabetic excuse fell through. With a soft sigh, you bring a hand up to rub your temple out of habit. "You seem nervous." Doctor Jung softly remarks, bringing your attention back to the fact that he can see you. Can notice you quietly losing your shit.

How the hell do you fix that?

Turn on the charm again, Y/N. It doesn't matter if you're pale as a ghost. He likes you. Your lips perk up and eyebrows raise in an act of amused surprise, you hope your face is at least a little bit distracting enough for him to let it go, "I do?" To your surprise and chagrin, he doesn't bat an eye though, "You're sweating." You shake your head, mouth pulled in a sheepish smile, "Must be the needles. Never got used to them." The beep of the meter brings your full focus from Wooyoung to the meter itself. "Somehow, with diabetes and that tattoo, I find that hard to believe." He comments quietly and it sends a zap through you, your weird behavior undoubtedly will be raising suspicion if you don't get it together. It also might be harder to have the good doctor wrapped around your finger than you thought. You pull the sleeve of your shirt down to cover your tattooed arm.

Wooyoung takes the meter, reading the results off of it as you straighten up in your chair.

"Ah. Bad news I'm afraid." You hold your breath, feeling like your heart is in your throat when he turns the meter towards you with his lips pressed together. "One hundred and eighty milligrams per deciliter. You are definitely diabetic."

Relief floods your body with such strength that you seem to forget yourself in front of him as you try to suppress the huge smile threatening to take over your features that you have to lower your gaze to your lap. They worked. The pills finally worked.

But then you feel his curious eyes on you and you quickly straighten out in the chair again. Doctor Jung looks at you with brows slightly furrowed in obvious puzzlement as to why someone would look so happy to find out they are in fact diabetic and you figure that you need to leave immediately. "Do you need anything else from me?" You ask, suddenly feeling rejuvenated and he looks perplexed as he shakes his head at you. "Just an arm to stick a needle in." You give him a big smile, nodding and getting up. "Okay."

But just as you're about to reach the door you slow down in your steps; the way he was looking at you, the curiosity not sitting too well with you. Because you know there will be a time when you will have to do questionable things, if something simple as this test raised suspicion then there was no hope in the long run.

You had to gain at least a sliver of his trust, grow some type of bond between the two of you where you could act a little foolish and he'd look past it without second thought because he didn't consider you to be a danger of any kind.

Only way to do that though was something you weren't awfully good at; being vulnerable.

You clear your throat, turning to him again to see Wooyoung already going through another pile of papers.

"I am scared of them. Needles." You tell him truthfully, probably the first truth you told him ever since you meet him a week ago. He looks up from the papers in surprise that you're still in the infirmary with him, his hair falling into his face that he has to run a hand through it to get it out of the way.

Wooyoung stays silent, brows stitching together and it's obvious he doesn't quite buy it as he glances down at your tattoos. The thing is, he doesn't know why you're lying but he knows that you are.

Which is a problem in itself.

You follow his eyes that are still stuck on your bare arm as the sleeves of your button up are rolled up to your elbows. You chuckle, folding your hands behind your back to hide them from view.

"It's not the same with the tattoos." You tell him and for the first time around him because you're feeling a little stupid since you can't explain yourself, you blush. "I don't know how but...I mean I think it has something to do with the veins and holding my hands out like this-" You stretch out your arms so your veins are showcased, "It makes me feel at unease."

Wooyoung listens to you carefully, papers long forgotten as he sits at the edge of the table.

"That's the most textbook example of how someone with trypanophobia would feel." He voices out, his attention entirely devoted to you that it makes you slightly shift on your feet. As much as you enjoy his eyes on you, they also make you equally as nervous.

"Huh," You chuckle, glancing away with your lips pressed together in discomfort under his dissecting gaze.

"Well, at least you know that you could never be a junkie." He adds in a lighthearted tone that you almost miss the way the smile doesn't entirely reach his eyes. Almost.

"Right." You chuckle, taking a step back as you deem the conversation to be over. You send him a small wave as you head for the door.

"See you tomorrow." He calls after you and you just keep walking without looking back.

When you walk out into the cold morning air the next morning on your way to the construction site, your head instinctively turns towards the yard where the inmates were already released to and spot a familiar figure lingering near the fence closest to you.

Jongho straightens out with his hands shoved deep into the pockets of the same jacket everyone else in the yard is wearing when he sees you walk out of the building and you inconspicuously glance around for any guards.

Once you realize that there aren't any in the vicinity nearby, you make your way across the gravel towards him.

"That outfit really highlights your figure, bro." Is the first thing you tell him with a teasing smirk as you stop to stand in front of him. He chuckles but it has no humor as he looks over his shoulder before turning to you.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm not here to discuss prison fashion." He mutters with an eyeroll but you can see a glimpse of an amused smile threatening to pull on his face and your chest warms at the sight. "Listen, I got what you asked for."

He pats the right pocket of his pants subtly where you presume he's hidden the bolt and you nod in approval.

"You really meant what you said, huh?" Jongho asks again, referencing your last visit and you let out another huff of disbelief that he didn't take you as seriously as you hoped he would.

"I already told you, I'm not here on vacation."

He stares at you for a silent moment before clearing his throat, glancing over his shoulder to make sure there's still no-one around to listen in.

"Whatever you got going on, fill me in because I'm still in the dark here." He expresses quietly, eyebrows pushed together as he waits for a response. You sigh.

"Lim and Associates got the contract to retro this place in ninety nine. Four billion dollar contract, head partner couldn't crack it, so he subcontracted out. An under the table sort of deal with a former associate." You quietly explain, turning to stand sideways in front of him to not seem too suspicious while still being able to be on lookout for any guards that might be watching you.

Although that doesn't seem to be a problem since, with the exception of the officers stationed on the four towers surrounding the compound, most of them are still having their morning coffee in the break room.

"That guy was one of the partners in my firm. We basically ghostwrote the plan, crossed the t's, dotted the I's, grouted the tiles." You tell him, lips perking up in satisfaction as you watch him digest the information.

Jongho seems confused as he digests the new information, probably trying to connect what that has anything to do with your current situation of supervising a construction site while planning a detailed prison escape.

"You've seen the blueprints." He concludes before his face turns serious, "If anyone finds out you have copies of them, you'll be in deep shit. They can report you for missing documents at work, Y/N-"

You snort, "They won't find them because I don't have them on paper anywhere."

His brows furrow, "You memorized them?"

"Better than that," You disclose, subtly pulling the sleeve of your coat and shirt underneath to show him your inked arm, "I have them on me."

Jongho stares at the tattoo's lining your forearm with wide eyes. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He hisses, glancing over his shoulder again. You imagine that you always have to be on guard in a place like this. "Am I supposed to be seeing something there?"

"Don't worry about that." You calmly respond, tugging your sleeves down before shoving your hands back into the pockets of your coat, "Your cellmate...how well do you know him?"

"Ah, as well as a man can get to know another man in a week." Jongho sighs, head turning in the direction of a tall guy huddled on the bench conversing with a couple of others. You observe him in curiosity, guessing that's your brother's roommate, watching as the guy glances in Jongho's direction before his eyes stop on you. "We can trust him."

He doesn't look much older than Jongho, you can't gauge his features that well from this distance especially with his dark fringe covering his forehead obstructing his eyes from view.

The guy, Coin, nods at you.

"At first I thought it was a lost cause, he has eighteen months left in here." Jongho states making you turn to him in concern that his cellmate wouldn't want in. If he got caught, he'd be adding years to his sentence. Jongho was already serving life but others weren't, they could lose more than they could possibly gain if they got caught. Jongho grins, "But then he found out his cousin is making a move on his girl the other day and getting out of here become his priority."

You scoff, hiding a smile as you mutter, "Men."

You return Coin's subtle nod and he immediately glances away, like he never even saw you.

"Also," Jongho shuffles through the pockets of his jacket again before he pulls out a small paper object. An origami dove. He glances to somewhere on the yard and you follow his gaze when it stops on a two toned head of hair sitting at what seems to be a usual bench for him and his cronies. "Kim?"

"Ah," You chuckle, not being able to hide a smile as your eyes fly back to your brother who seems peeved by your reaction, "He got my message."

"Y/N, being involved with that guy can't be a good idea. He's crazy." Jongho comments, frustration clear as day on his face.

"Maybe but he's your express ticket out of here." You calmly voice out, glancing at the guards room to make sure the door remained shut.

"How?"

"You ever heard of Top Flight Charters?" You ask him, shivering lightly in the cold air as you watch a group of inmates play basketball on the small makeshift court of the yard.

"Yeah." Jongho nods, confused.

"They operate flights from small air fields. Like the one ten miles from here. They're run by a shell company Kim Hongjoong owns." You explain to him, inching closer to the fence, "We get him on board there's going to be a midnight flight waiting for you the night you get outside those walls."

"You're willing to risk the entire escape on a guy you don't even know?" He hisses, hands curling around the wired fence.

You sigh, "Preparation can only take you so far, Jongho." You tell him, looking up at the Correction Officers stationed on the tower behind his back, "After that you just have to take a few leaps of faith."

Jongho chuckles in disbelief, acting as if you're not understanding the weight of the situation, "Kim is a huge leap of faith, Y/N."

You nod once again, understanding that completely, "Definitely but apart from fixing you a flight, he also runs P.I. Tell him to give you and your new roommate a job there."

"P.I....Prison Industries?" He questions and you nod, glancing over your shoulder to check the guards room once again.

Jongho stays quiet, seemingly lost in his thoughts and you give him some time as your eyes scope out the yard once again.

"Y'know, getting out of here is just the beginning." He utters, "We're gonna need money if we plan on disappearing."

Your head turns to where Park Seonghwa sits, his cat Mijoo nestled in his lap as he softly strokes her. "I'm working on it."

"They'll come for you as well, you do know that right?"

You meet his gaze straight on. "Of course I know that."

That seems to make something shift on Jongho's face, something heavy appearing in his eyes. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do this?" Your brother asks, sad expression on his face as he presses his lips together in anguish, "You're throwing away your life, everything you worked so hard for all these years."

Your eyes start to burn as you clench your jaw, anger burning your insides at his question, acting like he's not your only family. Like he didn't raise you. "I wouldn't have any of it if it wasn't for you so don't ask me stupid fucking questions. You're my brother."

Jongho seems to understand your feelings, his own eyes misting over before he nods, gaze falling down to the soft grass below his feet, seemingly giving up on talking you out of this, "So...what now? What should I do next?"

You clear your throat, "Tell Kim to hire you and your cellmate at P.I. first, he should know what for by now but if he asks anything or tries to do something to hurt you, mention 7th March of next year. He'll understand. It's the date when a witness is supposed to testify against him in court and send his entire empire crumbling down."

Jongho nods again, soaking up every word.

"You're in cell forty, right?"

After another nod, you explain to him as quickly as you can just how he'll use the bolt he stole from the bleachers.

"When you break the wall, don't do anything else. Return the toilet the way it was, screw it back on and wait." You hurriedly finish and he quickly nods in confirmation that he understood before you take a couple of steps back when you see from the corner of your eye the door of the guards room opening.

You can't even tell Jongho goodbye because you're already making your way across the gravel with your head ducked down.

But not before sparing one last glance at the yard and connecting eyes with none other than Kim Hongjoong who now stands by the fence and stares directly at you.

#ateez angst #ateez x reader #ateez imagine #wooyoung x reader #wooyoung imagine #wooyoung fluff #wooyoung angst

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writtenbymkl · 1 year

Text

the love that had never been

pairing: best friend!jeno x fem! reader

word count: 5.1k

genres: angst, unrequited love, heartbreak

warnings: none

a/n: can you guys tell i love angst? like angst makes me so happy omg >.< hope you guys enjoy this small drabble :D

You're standing in the park, watching the leaves change color and fall to the ground. You feel a tap on your shoulder and turn around to see Jeno, your longtime friend, and crush, standing behind you.

"Hey, Y/N," he says, smiling at you with his famous eye smile. "What are you doing here?"

"Just taking a walk," you reply, trying to hide the flutter in your heart at the sight of him.

"Mind if I join you?" Jeno asks, nodding towards the path.

"Of course not," you say, trying to hide your excitement.

As you walk together, you chat about everything and nothing, enjoying each other's company. You feel your heart racing every time Jeno laughs at one of your jokes or brushes your arm accidentally.

As the sun begins to set and the sky turns pink and orange, Jeno turns to you and says, "You know, Y/N, I've been seeing someone lately."

Your heart sinks as you hear those words. You try to hide your disappointment, but you can feel the sadness and jealousy building up inside you.

"That's great, Jeno," you say, trying to sound happy for him.

"Yeah, she's really amazing," Jeno says, his eyes lighting up with excitement. "We have so much in common, and she's just so beautiful."

You try to keep a smile on your face, but inside you feel heartbroken. The idea of Jeno being with someone else, someone who's not you, feels like a stab in the chest.

As the two of you continue to walk, you feel a sense of distance between you. You try to hide your feelings, but it's hard to ignore the hurt you feel.

You know that this is the end of any chance of a romantic relationship between you and Jeno. But you also know that you'll never forget the way you feel about him, no matter how hard you try.

Nodding your head, you try to hold back your tears as you force yourself to ask more about Jeno's crush. "So, tell me more about her. What's she like?" you ask, hoping to distract yourself from your own feelings.

Jeno's face lights up as he begins to describe her in detail. "Well, her name is Sooyoung, and she's amazing. She's smart, funny, and kind. Plus, she's really, really beautiful,” Jeno gushes.

You listen to Jeno's words, feeling like each one is a dagger to your heart. It hurts to hear him talk so passionately about someone else, especially when you've been harboring feelings for him for so long.

You try to focus on the positive and tell yourself that at least Jeno is happy. But it's hard to push down the pain and the realization that the two of you will never be anything more than friends.

As the night falls and the stars come out, you and Jeno continue to walk in silence. You both know that the dynamic between you has shifted, and there's a sense of awkwardness that wasn't there before.

Finally, you stop and turn to face Jeno. "I'm happy for you, Jeno," you say, trying to sound genuine. "I hope things work out with Sooyoung."

"Thanks, Y/N," Jeno says, giving you a small smile. "I'm really lucky to have you as a friend. You're the best."

You force a smile and nod, knowing that the words "just friends" will always sting a little bit. But you also know that you'll always cherish your friendship with Jeno.

As you stand there, looking at Jeno, you feel a pang of regret in your chest. You had always harbored feelings for him, but you never had the courage to confess. And now, he had found someone else.

"Is everything okay, Y/N?" Jeno asks, noticing the change in your expression.

You take a deep breath, trying to compose yourself. "Yeah, everything's fine. I'm just happy for you, that's all."

Jeno looks at you intently, as if trying to read your thoughts. "You know, Y/N, you can always talk to me. You're my best friend, and I want to be there for you."

You feel a lump in your throat, and for a moment, you consider telling him the truth. But then you remember how much you value his friendship, and you don't want to risk losing that.

"No, it's okay," you say, forcing a smile.

"I'm just being silly. Let's go home."

Jeno nods, and the two of you continue walking in silence. As you walk, you can't help but wonder what could have been if you had been brave enough to confess your feelings. But then you shake your head, knowing that it's too late now.

When you finally reach your doorstep, Jeno gives you a hug. "Thanks for walking with me tonight, Y/N. You're the best."

You smile, feeling the warmth of his embrace. "Anytime, Jeno. Goodnight."

As you watch him walk away, you feel a sense of sadness wash over you. But you also know that you'll always cherish your friendship with Jeno, and you'll always be there for him, no matter what.

Just as Jeno is about to turn around and leave, he pauses and turns back to you.

"Hey Y/N, I just want to let you know that even though I'm with Sooyoung now, you'll always be my best friend," Jeno says, giving you a reassuring smile. "I know things are different now, but that doesn't mean our friendship will change. You'll always be important to me, and I hope you know that."

Tears start to well up in your eyes as you feel a sense of relief wash over you. "Thank you, Jeno. That means a lot to me," you say, feeling grateful for his words.

"I mean it," Jeno says, his smile widening. "I know we've been through a lot together, and I value our friendship more than anything. So don't worry about being replaced, because you won't be. You'll always have a special place in my heart."

You smile, feeling a sense of comfort and security in his words. "Thank you, Jeno. I'm really glad we're friends."

"Me too, Y/N," Jeno says, giving you another hug. "Now go get some rest, okay? We'll hang out again soon."

After Jeno leaves, you stand there for a moment, taking in his words. You feel a sense of relief knowing that he still values your friendship, but at the same time, you can't help but feel a sense of sadness.

You slowly make your way to your room, closing the door behind you. You sit on your bed and let out a deep sigh, feeling the weight of your emotions start to catch up to you.

Memories of your time with Jeno flood your mind - the laughter, the inside jokes, the shared moments of vulnerability. You remember all the times you wished for something more, but never had the courage to speak up.

Tears start to flow down your cheeks as you realize that things will never be the same again. You can't deny the fact that you still have feelings for Jeno, but at the same time, you know that you'll have to accept that he didn’t choose you.

You pull out your phone and scroll through your photos, looking at all the pictures of you and Jeno together. You come across a photo of the two of you sitting on a park bench, laughing at something silly. You can't help but smile at the memory, but at the same time, it breaks your heart.

As you sit there, lost in your thoughts and emotions, you realize that you need to take some time for yourself. You wipe away your tears and take a deep breath, reminding yourself that your friendship with Jeno is still important, even if it's not what you hoped for.

With that thought in mind, you slowly start to drift off to sleep, hoping that tomorrow will bring a renewed sense of hope and perspective.

——————

You try your best to put your emotions aside and focus on the present. You spend time with your other friends, trying to enjoy their company, and forget about Jeno for a little while.

But as you're walking through the park, you see something that makes your heart sink. You spot Jeno and Sooyoung walking hand in hand, their heads close together in conversation.

You try to look away, but your eyes keep darting back to them. You watch as they sit down on a bench, Sooyoung giggling at something Jeno says.

A pang of jealousy and sadness hits you hard, and you can't help but wonder what it would be like if it were you sitting there with Jeno instead.

You turn away and try to compose yourself, taking a deep breath and reminding yourself that you need to move on. But deep down, you know that it won't be easy.

As the day goes on, you try your best to distract yourself, but your mind keeps wandering back to Jeno and Sooyoung. You can't help but feel a sense of bitterness towards Sooyoung, even though you know it's not fair.

As the night falls, you find yourself once again lost in your thoughts. You wonder if Jeno and Sooyoung are still together, if they're happy, if Jeno still thinks of you as just a friend.

You pull out your phone and start scrolling through your messages, hoping to find some comfort in the conversations you've had with Jeno. But as you go through your messages, you realize that you haven't talked to him in a while.

You hesitate for a moment, wondering if you should reach out to him. But ultimately, you decide against it, knowing that it's not your place to interfere with his new relationship.

You let out a deep sigh and put your phone down, feeling a sense of sadness wash over you. You know that you need to accept the fact that things have changed between you and Jeno, but it's easier said than done.

——————

The next day, you decide to meet up with your friend Chenle for coffee. As you sit down with him at a cozy cafe, you can't help but feel a sense of comfort being around him.

"So, how are you doing?" Chenle asks, sensing that something is bothering you.

You hesitate for a moment before deciding to open up to him. "I saw Jeno and Sooyoung on a date yesterday," you admit, feeling a lump form in your throat.

Chenle's expression softens as he listens to you. "I'm sorry, Y/N. That must have been tough to see."

You nod, feeling grateful for his understanding. "I just...I don't know how to deal with these feelings," you say, feeling the weight of your emotions start to catch up to you.

Chenle places a comforting hand on your arm. "It's okay to feel what you're feeling. It's natural to be sad and jealous. But remember, Jeno still cares about you, even if it's not in the way you want him to."

You nod, taking in his words. "I know. It's just hard to see him with someone else."

Chenle gives you a sympathetic smile. "I understand. But try to focus on the good memories you've shared with him. Remember that he still values your friendship, and that's something special."

You take a deep breath and try to compose yourself. "Thanks, Chenle. You always know how to make me feel better."

As you leave the cafe and start walking back home, you feel a renewed sense of strength and perspective. You know that it won't be easy seeing Jeno and Sooyoung again, but you're determined to face it with grace and maturity.

And as luck would have it, you don't have to wait long. Just as you're turning the corner to your apartment, you spot Jeno and Sooyoung walking towards you, hand in hand.

Your heart sinks as you see Jeno and Sooyoung walking towards you. You try your best to remain calm and composed, not wanting to show any signs of weakness or jealousy.

"Hey, Y/N!" Jeno calls out, his face lighting up as he sees you.

"Hey, Jeno," you say, forcing a smile.

"Sooyoung, this is my friend Y/N," Jeno introduces you to her.

You force yourself to make eye contact with Sooyoung and give her a polite nod. "Nice to meet you," you say, trying to sound genuine.

Sooyoung gives you a small smile in return. "Likewise."

The three of you make small talk for a few minutes before Jeno and Sooyoung bid you farewell, continuing on their way. As you watch them walk away, hand in hand, you can't help but feel a twinge of sadness and jealousy.

But you also know that you need to move on and focus on your own life. You take a deep breath and remind yourself that your friendship with Jeno is still valuable, even if it's not the romantic relationship you may have hoped for.

As you walk back to your apartment, you take a moment to reflect on the conversation you had with Chenle. You realize that he was right - it's important to focus on the good memories you've shared with Jeno, and to cherish the friendship that you still have with him.

You decide to take his advice and make plans to hang out with Jeno as friends. As you text him to make plans, you can't help but feel a sense of nervousness and uncertainty. But at the same time, you know that it's important to face your fears and move forward.

As you're texting Jeno to make plans, he replies back with an apologetic tone.

"Hey, Y/N, I'm sorry but I won't be able to hang out this weekend. I have plans with Sooyoung," he texts.

You feel a pang of disappointment, but you try your best to hide it. "Oh, it's okay. Have fun with her!" you text back, trying to sound enthusiastic.

"Thanks, Y/N! Maybe we can hang out next weekend?" Jeno offers.

On one hand, you're happy that Jeno still wants to hang out with you as friends. On the other hand, it's hard to shake off the feeling of rejection and jealousy.

——————

As the next few days go by, you notice that Jeno has been busy with Sooyoung.

He forgets to reply to your messages and it's been a while since you last hung out. You try not to take it personally, but it's hard not to feel a sense of disappointment.

Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months. You and Jeno continue to drift apart, and you realize that your friendship isn't what it used to be. You see pictures of Jeno and Sooyoung on social media, and it's clear that they're happy together.

You try to be happy for them, but a part of you can't help but feel envious. You wonder what it would have been like if things had turned out differently, and if Jeno had chosen you instead of Sooyoung.

But deep down, you know that dwelling on the past won't do any good. You realize that it's time to let go and move on, even if it means accepting that your friendship with Jeno may never be the same.

One day, you run into Jeno unexpectedly at a coffee shop. You haven't seen him in a while, and it takes you by surprise.

"Hey, Jeno! Long time no see," you greet him, trying to sound friendly.

"Hey, Y/N," Jeno replies, looking a bit uncomfortable. "How have you been?"

"I've been good," you reply, smiling. "What about you? How's everything with Sooyoung?"

"It's been great, thanks for asking," Jeno says, but you can't help but notice that his tone sounds a bit distant.

You decide to confront him about it. "Hey, is everything okay?" you ask, sensing that something is off.

Jeno hesitates for a moment before finally speaking. "Look, Y/N, I'm sorry. I know I've been distant lately, but things with Sooyoung are really great and I just haven't had much time for anything else."

You feel a surge of anger and disappointment. "So that's it? You're just going to ignore our friendship because you have a girlfriend?" you snap, unable to hold back your frustration any longer.

Jeno looks taken aback by your sudden outburst. "No, it's not like that, Y/N. I just..."

"Just what, Jeno?" you interrupt, feeling hurt. "I thought we were friends, but it seems like you only care about your new relationship."

Jeno's expression softens as he takes a step closer to you. "Y/N, please don't say that. You know you mean a lot to me, and I would never intentionally hurt you."

You look away, feeling a mix of emotions. On one hand, you understand that Jeno has the right to pursue his own happiness. But on the other hand, you can't help feeling neglected and forgotten.

"I know you're happy with Sooyoung," you say finally, "but that doesn't mean you should forget about your other friends."

Jeno fidgets with his hands, not meeting your gaze. "I know I messed up, Y/N. I should have kept in touch with you. But things got really busy with work and my relationship with Sooyoung, and I just didn't have much time for anything else."

You cross your arms, feeling your anger flare up. "That's not an excuse, Jeno. You could have at least answered my texts or called me back."

"I know, and I'm sorry," Jeno says, finally looking up at you. "I didn't mean to ignore you, but I guess I just got caught up in everything else."

You take a deep breath, trying to keep your emotions in check. "I understand that you have a lot going on, but that doesn't mean you can just forget about your friends. You hurt me, Jeno. You ignored me for months and never bothered to check in."

"I know, and I feel terrible about it," Jeno says, looking genuinely contrite. "I promise I'll make it up to you. We can hang out more, catch up on everything that's been happening."

You shake your head, feeling skeptical. "It's not that simple, Jeno. You can't just brush off months of ignoring me and expect everything to go back to normal. I need to know that I matter to you."

Jeno nods, looking serious. "You do matter to me, Y/N. I'm sorry for what I did, and I'll do my best to make it right. Just tell me what you need from me."

You take a deep breath, feeling a sense of resolution. "I need you to be there for me, Jeno. To be a good friend and not disappear every time something else comes up."

“I can do that again, I swear.” He pleads.

As Jeno talks, you find yourself torn. On one hand, you're glad he's finally acknowledging his mistake and trying to make things right. But on the other hand, you're not sure if you're ready to forgive him just yet. You can't help but remember how hurt and neglected you felt when he ignored you for months, and how it made you question your friendship.

You listen to Jeno's words carefully, but your mind is still clouded with doubt. You're not even sure if you still like him the way you used to. Maybe things have changed too much between you, and it's too late to go back to the way things were.

"I appreciate you apologizing, Jeno," you say finally, "but I need some time to think about all of this. I'm not sure if I'm ready to forgive you just yet."

Jeno's expression changes as he hears your words. He had expected you to forgive him right away, and now he was beginning to feel frustrated.

"How much time do you need, Y/N?" he asks, his voice tinged with annoyance. "I apologized, what more do you want from me?"

You look at him, surprised by his sudden change in tone. "I just need some time to think, Jeno," you say calmly. "I can't just forgive you right away after everything that happened. I need to be sure that things won't go back to the way they were."

Jeno sighs, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration. "I just don't understand why you're still so angry with me. I've apologized, I've tried to make things right. What more do you want?"

You feel a surge of anger as Jeno expresses his frustration. You can't believe he has the audacity to be upset with you when he's the one who hurt you.

"I can't believe you're getting upset with me," you say, your voice rising. "You're the one who ignored me for months and forgot to ever answer my texts! You have no right to be upset with me."

Jeno takes a deep breath and speaks up again. "Y/N, I understand that I hurt you and I'm sorry for that. But it's not like you were completely innocent in all of this either. You could have tried harder to reach out to me too, you know."

You feel your anger flare up again at Jeno's accusation. "What are you talking about, Jeno? I texted you so many times and you never replied. I tried to hang out with you, but you always had some excuse. How is that not trying hard enough?"

Jeno looks at you, his eyes flashing with frustration. "I'm not saying you didn't try at all, but you could have tried harder. You could have called me or come over to my place. You could have made more of an effort to stay in touch with me."

You shake your head, feeling defensive. "I did try, Jeno. I tried so hard to reach out to you, but you never responded. It's not fair for you to put all the blame on me."

An impulsive feeling rises within you when you suddenly blurt out, "I can't believe I like someone like you!"

Jeno looks taken aback, clearly surprised by your confession. "What do you mean, Y/N?"

You realize what you've said and feel embarrassed. But you know there’s no escape from this and that you have to confront your feelings. "I-I mean, it's just that... I used to have feelings for you, but I've moved on since then." You know you’re lying and that Jeno also knows because you’re not a very good liar.

Jeno is taken aback by your confession. "I had no idea, Y/N. I'm sorry if I ever gave you the wrong impression," he says, looking genuinely surprised. "I just didn't realize that you felt that way."

You shake your head, feeling embarrassed. "It doesn't matter now. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry."

Jeno looks at you with concern. "No, don't be sorry. It's just...I don't know what to say. I care about you, Y/N, but I'm with Sooyoung now. I don't want to hurt you even more."

Jeno takes a deep breath, trying to process everything. "Look, Y/N, I think maybe you're just confused about your feelings," he says gently. "We've been friends for a long time, and sometimes those feelings can get mixed up with something else. I don't want to discount what you're feeling, but I think it's important for us to be honest with each other."

You shake your head, feeling tears forming in your eyes. "I don't know, Jeno. I'm just so confused. I thought I was over you, but seeing you again has brought back all these old feelings. And now, with everything that's happened between us, I don't even know if I want to be friends anymore."

Jeno looks taken aback by your words, unsure of what to say. "Y/N, I...I don't know what to say," he stammers, his expression conflicted. "I care about you a lot, but I'm with Sooyoung now and I don't want to hurt her or ruin what we have."

"I understand that, Jeno," you reply, feeling a lump forming in your throat. "But if you can't accept that I like you and still want to be friends, then maybe we can't talk anymore. I can't keep pretending that I don't have these feelings."

Jeno looks torn, his eyes flickering with emotion. "I don't want to lose our friendship, Y/N," he says finally. "But I also can't deny my feelings for Sooyoung. Can't we find a way to make this work?"

You shake your head, feeling the tears starting to fall again. "I don't know, Jeno. Maybe we can't. Maybe it's just too complicated."

Jeno's face falls at your words, and you can see the hurt in his eyes. "I don't want to lose you, Y/N," he whispers, reaching out to touch your hand. "But I don't know if I can be what you want me to be."

You pull your hand away, feeling a surge of pain. "I don't want you to be anything other than yourself, Jeno," you say, your voice shaking. "I just...I need to figure out what I want and what's best for me."

Jeno nods slowly, his gaze downcast. "I understand. But please, Y/N, don't shut me out completely. I still want to be there for you, even if things are different between us now."

But a sudden realization hits you and it’s that you don’t want things to be different anymore. You want freedom from this unrequited love and if it means letting Jeno go, then so be it.

Tears start to stream down your face. “I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” Jeno hurriedly asks. “You can’t be friends with me anymore? Is that it?” You can only nod and look away.

Jeno looks at you, his eyes wide with shock and hurt. "Y/N, please don't do this," he pleads. "I know I messed up, but I still want to be your friend. I don't want to lose you."

You shake your head, tears streaming down your face. "I'm sorry, Jeno. I can't do this anymore. I can't handle the heartbreak. I need to let you go."

Jeno's expression falls, his eyes filling with tears. "Is this really what you want, Y/N? To just throw away our friendship like this?"

"It's not what I want," you choke out, "but it's what I need to do for my own well-being. I can't keep holding onto something that hurts me so much."

Jeno looks at you with pleading eyes, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "But I don't want to lose you, Y/N. You're my best friend, and I can't imagine my life without you."

"I understand that, Jeno," you reply softly, "but I need to put myself first. Our friendship has been toxic for a while now, and I can't keep ignoring the way it's been making me feel."

Jeno takes a step closer to you, his voice desperate. "Please, Y/N. We can work through this. We can fix things. Just give me a chance."

You take a deep breath, tears streaming down your face. "I wish it was that simple, Jeno. But I've tried to fix things before, and it always ends up the same way. I can't keep putting myself through this pain."

Jeno's expression falls even further, his voice cracking. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I didn't realize how much I was hurting you. Please forgive me."

You shake your head, the pain in your heart almost too much to bear. "It's not about forgiveness, Jeno. It's about doing what's best for me. And right now, that means walking away from our friendship."

Jeno's eyes widen in shock, his hand reaching out to grab yours. "No, Y/N. Please don't do that. I just said can't imagine my life without you in it. I can't forgive you if you walk away from me like this."

You feel a lump forming in your throat, the tears flowing freely now. "I'm sorry, Jeno. I can't keep living in this cycle of hurt and disappointment. I need to take care of myself first."

Jeno's shoulders slump, his eyes downcast. "I understand. But please know that I can't forgive myself either if you walk away from me like this."

You just cry harder, the weight of your decision heavy on your shoulders. "I'm sorry, Jeno. But I can't change my mind. I need to put myself first for once."

Jeno's face falls even more, his shoulders drooping in defeat. His eyes are filled with hurt and confusion, as if he can't comprehend why you're choosing to leave him behind.

You can see the pain etched on his face, and your heart breaks all over again. You've never wanted to hurt Jeno, but you know deep down that this is the right decision for you.

"I'm sorry, Jeno," you say again, your voice barely above a whisper. "I know this is hard, but please try to understand."

Jeno nods silently, his eyes still fixed on the ground. You can tell that he's struggling to keep his emotions in check, and it breaks your heart to see him like this.

You stand there in silence for what feels like an eternity, both of you lost in your own thoughts and feelings. The air between you is heavy and thick, charged with the weight of your unspoken emotions.

As you turn to leave, Jeno finally speaks up, his voice choked with emotion. "I don't know how to make this right, Y/N. I just want you to know that I care about you, and I'll always be here if you need me."

You nod, unable to find the words to respond. You know that Jeno is hurting just as much as you are, and it breaks your heart to see him so dejected and upset.

With one final glance back at Jeno, you turn and walk away, the tears still streaming down your face. It's not the ending you wanted, but it's the one that you know in your heart is necessary.

The memories of your time with Jeno flood your mind. You remember the laughter, the late-night talks, and the moments when you felt like nothing could ever come between you two.

You had learned that sometimes love isn't enough, and that timing is everything. You had learned that it's important to take risks, even if they scare you. And most of all, you had learned that sometimes, the people we love aren't meant to be in our lives forever.

It was a painful lesson, but it was one that you would carry with you for the rest of your life. And even though Jeno was no longer a part of your life, you knew that he would always hold a special place in your heart.

As you got into your car, you wiped away your tears and took a deep breath. Life would go on, and you would go on with it. But no matter where you went, or what you did, you would always remember the boy who had once been your best friend, and the love that had never been.

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sodamvelvets · 2 years

Text

“it’s not you i want- part two”

bae joohyun x fem reader, park sooyoung x fem reader (platonic)

highschool!au (everyone is 18) + fake dating

warnings: swears, a nonconsensual kiss, violence

summary: your feelings become muddled as your best friend’s plan begins to come to fruition, just not in the way either of you expected.

word count: 11,504

part one | part two

a/n: apologies for taking longer than i intended to with this part, i ended up rewriting a lot of it, but i think it was for the better. thank you everyone for your kind reception to the first part, and for waiting so patiently. additionally, i’m sorry about the length the original 7k word count i projected was heavily off, whoops. regardless, please enjoy ;)

Frustration fills you as you sulk to class, Sooyoung by your side and matching your every stride, and for once, she’s not the cause of your bad mood. Theoretically, you should be fairly pleased right now, there are only a few days left until your project is over, and better yet the end of your relationship with Sooyoung, but even those manners can’t manage to cheer you up, your thoughts too focused on tomorrow’s volleyball game, the first of a tournament that could eventually take you to regionals if you win all your matches. However, this doesn’t seem likely to you based on your teammates’ frequent blunders and overall incompetence during practice lately. Unlike you though, Sooyoung seems optimistic, reminding you often that the number of practices has doubled over the last week, leaving the team stretched thin and exhausted, which is why much to your displeasure, she’s canceled practice today.

“Seriously, Y/N?” Sooyoung calls to you as you purposely quicken your pace, an exasperated sigh escaping her lips as she jogs to keep up with you. “You know it was the right call.”

Still, you ignore her, not even acknowledging her presence until you’ve reached your classroom and headed to your seat, carelessly dropping your bag on the floor, but still remaining standing as you turn to face your best friend with crossed arms. “We’ll see if that stays true tomorrow.”

Sooyoung grins, and you can’t tell if it’s because you’re finally talking to her again or she’s just that sure of herself. “It will,” She assures. “Hey, have you asked her to the game yet?”

You fight back the urge to groan. Sooyoung has only become more determined over the past week and a half, especially after your study session with Joohyun, which after much pestering from her end, you had recounted to her in its entirety, well mostly. Your skin still warms at the memory of Joohyun’s lips on your cheek and while it might be important for your best friend to know, you thought it best to keep it to yourself for now as you remained unsure of Joohyun’s intentions. Plus, the fresh memory of last weekend and the transformation of Sooyoung’s dejected grimace to a hopeful smile when you had tentatively brought up the reason for her break up was still ingrained in your mind, the moment repeating itself tortuously every time you considered telling her.

“But ‘I think so’ means there’s some part of her that’s unsure about whoever she likes,” A soured expression crossed Sooyoung’s face before she continued optimistically. “That means I still have a chance.”

“That’s one way to look at it, “ You shrugged, ignoring your internal guilt for your doubtfulness as you concerned yourself with watching Sooyoung’s two younger sisters, Jiyeong and Minji, both of who were spitting images of your best friend and just as devious, while they played with the family dog at the nearby park, their elated squeals cutting through the humid spring air as they chased poor Haetnim in circles.

You had always enjoyed babysitting Sooyoung’s siblings with her, having a well-known soft spot for the two that often resulted in them convincing you to buy treats for them, and the pair of Melona wrappers in your hand made no exception to that, much to Sooyoung’s scolding.

“You’re such a downer Y/N,” Sooyoung groaned, poking your side, but the upwards curl of her lip told you she didn’t mean it.

“I try,” You deadpanned, prodding her back. Your eyes widened. “Shit! Minji!” You shouted after the younger girl as she lobbed something (that you could only hope was mud) at an unsuspecting Jiyeong, resulting in a loud cry as you ran after a giggling Minji trying to catch her before she could get into more trouble, while Sooyoung followed behind you, laughing the whole time.

“Y/N?” Sooyoung snaps her fingers at you, and you blink at the recollection, bathing in it. It felt nice, the mundaneness of it all, like everything was normal again. You promise yourself to savor the feeling. “Did you hear me? I asked if you-”

“No,” You reply shortly, cutting her off, your gaze flickering to the doorway to see if Joohyun is coming. “Not yet.” You can practically feel your best friend roll her eyes as she lets out an irritated sigh.

Bae Joohyun. Aside from Sooyoung and your volleyball team, she’s become your other problem lately. You’ve gotten to know the older girl quite well over the past two weeks, even better than how you previously knew her after your library study, and you’re not completely sure how but she’s managed to get you to open up too, something she seems fairly proud of, especially so when you told her you hadn’t made a friend since Seulgi. Truthfully, you’re surprised at how different Joohyun is from how you perceived her, she’s nowhere near as mature and reserved as you once believed, but rather bold and playful given the chance. She’s told you more about herself than you ever knew there was, and you’ve vowed to remember every part, from her favorite color being purple, to her hatred of coffee and chicken.

You feel almost guilty for not knowing this side of her already, despite orbiting in the same circles for a brief period, you never made an effort to get to know her, much to Sooyoung’s disappointment. You didn’t talk with her much you realize, not because you didn’t like her, but simply because you weren’t interested, you had a feeling she would be just another passing figure in Sooyoung’s life, so why bother with the formalities and fake conversations if they wouldn’t matter in three months. You never ignored her completely though, in fact occasionally during the times when Sooyoung would invite you along on a date with her and Joohyun in an attempt to get you to talk with the brunette you’d carry out short conversations, most of which were meaningless and all of them painfully uncomfortable. Looking back on it now, you regret not being more amiable.

But none of those moments were relaxed like the moments you have now. It’s nice having someone besides Sooyoung to share your life with. Yet it’s somehow also stressful, what was once a rarity now seems to be a commonality, the weird, inexplicable feeling you get around her during your average conversations to your most intimate moments. You’re not sure what it means, after all, you’ve only been truly in love once and your baseline idea of love doesn’t quite feel the same. This time it’s different, instead of a simple sense of euphoria, there’s now a constant buzzing deep in your chest too, and warmth in your heart. You don’t know what to call it currently, but you know you can’t tell Sooyoung about it, so you’re left alone to ruminate in your own thoughts, and the only thing you’ve become certain of is that it’s impossible not to get lost in everything about Joohyun. At least, you finally understand, just a bit, why everyone around you is so in love with her, and why Sooyoung is trying so hard to get her attention back.

“Why haven’t you invited her yet?” Sooyoung questions, reminding you of her original inquiry.

“I forgot,” You say honestly. “I’ll do it today.”

Sooyoung nods, accepting your answer, and the two of you begin talking about random things until Sooyoung obnoxiously clears her throat, motioning behind you. Rolling your eyes, you lightly punch her in the shoulder, before turning around to see Joohyun. She’s dressed more casually than usual today, wearing a loosely fitting sweatshirt and high-waisted jeans with her hair down in mused waves, a large contrast to her typical button-up blouse or knitted sweater. You can’t help the smile that briefly appears on your face as she approaches the two of you, her expression unexpectedly blank.

“Hi,” Joohyun looks between you and Sooyoung, who’s moved her hand to wrap around your waist. Joohyun’s jaw visibly clenches. “Sorry for interrupting,” she says, her voice taut.

You frown, tilting your head. Recently, you’ve started to notice the small things about Joohyun, like how she smells nearly everything she touches or constantly tucks her hair back while talking, and it certainly hasn’t escaped your attention that recently she’s become tense around Sooyoung, acting almost if she was upset by something your best friend was doing, or maybe it was you. The thought makes you deflate slightly.

Beside you, Sooyoung smirks, seeming to observe Joohyun’s reaction as well. “It’s fine, we were just finishing up.” Unexpectedly, your best friend’s lips are suddenly pressed against yours, and you’re barely able to register it before she pulls away, wearing a sickening grin on her lips. Your eyes immediately go to Joohyun, who’s staring at the two of you in disbelief and something else you can’t quite decipher. You find yourself numb to the anger you should be feeling, more consumed with worry as Joohyun’s gaze meets yours, and you swear you see a glimmer of hurt in her brown eyes before it’s gone, replaced by neutrality.

“No problem,” She says, her tone pleasant. “Let me know when you’re done,” She calls, walking away to go meet Jisoo.

“What the hell Sooyoung!” You exclaim, the shock wearing off as you pull out of her grasp, struggling to keep your temper from flaring now that Joohyun is gone. “Why would you do that?”

But Sooyoung doesn’t hear you, she’s far too caught up in celebrating Joohyun’s reaction to care about your annoyance. “She’s totally jealous.”

“Sooyoung, do you hear me?” You hiss, grabbing her chin and forcing her to look at you, but you let go as soon as you notice your classmates’ eyes on you. “Why would you do that?” You repeat, evening out your voice.

The pleased grin Sooyoung wears fades at your words as her lips turn upward in an uncharacteristic sneer. “Why would I do that?” Sooyoung echoes, more mockingly than seriously. “You know exactly why, and I don’t see why you would suddenly care about it now. What, do you like Joohyun too?”

You're sure she didn’t mean the last part, but you still turn away unable to look your best friend in the eye. “No,” You reply firmly. You can’t like Joohyun. You can’t betray Sooyoung like that.

“Then what’s the problem?”

You glance at Sooyoung, shaking your head and breathing out deeply. It occurs to you how badly you’d like to slap Sooyoung and truthfully it takes everything in you not to, as you force yourself to ignore the nagging voice in your head telling you to strike back for once, but as usual, you manage to control yourself, focusing on the calming thought that in three days this arrangement will be over. There’s no point in arguing with Sooyoung when you’re so close to the end. You can acknowledge the problem you have was not with this kiss itself, but the effect of it. Still, you push down that thought, silently choosing to keep your word and continue with Sooyoung’s games, hoping that after you can fully resolve the seemingly ever-growing pile of issues with her.

“You should leave,” You mutter finally, biting your tongue to prevent the temptation of saying anything more.

“Why?” Sooyoung asks incredulously, practically bristling.

“You just should,” You say, your gaze shifting to the back of Joohyun’s head as Jisoo mutters something to her. “Please,” You add flatly.

Sooyoung stares at you, and you can tell she’s trying to figure something out, perhaps why you’ve chosen to be so cordial, but eventually, she gives up and leaves. You let out a huff of air as Sooyoung disappears into the hallway, sighing as you make your way towards Joohyun, and nodding gratefully to Jisoo as she quickly excuses herself upon your arrival.

“Hey,” You greet, sitting down next to Joohyun. She doesn’t look at you, and admittedly you’re hurt by this, but you choose to ignore it as you continue. “I'm sorry about my, uh, girlfriend.”

“It’s fine,” Joohyun insists. “I don’t care, remember?”

“Right,” You say, ignoring the feeling that she said that more to console herself than you. “Well even if that’s how you feel, I’m still really sorry, and if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you let me know.”

“How about a date?”

You choke. “Sorry?”

“I’m joking,” Joohyun says with a laugh, poking your stomach. “Free tickets to your game would suffice.”

You dip your head to hide your flustered state, before sinking a little further into your seat, cursing the universe and its way of making unwanted conveniences materialize. “I can get you two,” You say finally. “But don’t let anyone find out or my coach will kill me,” You add lightly, a soft smile crossing your lips.

Joohyun grins. “Well, we can't have that can we?”

“No, we can’t.”

Joohyun’s mood seems to improve greatly after that, especially when your teacher announces they’re leaving early and you can have the rest of the period as a free block. Soon enough you find yourself accompanying Joohyun to lunch, your fingers thrumming gently against the metal of the cafeteria bar and tapping out an uneven beat while you watch Joohyun distractedly reach for a pre-prepared meal as she chatters in your ear about relatively meaningless things.

Unwilling to interrupt her, you gingerly take hold of her slim wrist, feeling her almost unnervingly soft skin briefly tense at your touch before she relaxes, glancing at you with an inquisitive look that makes your breath catch in your throat and your hand quickly jump to the back of your neck. “That one's chicken,” You mumble abashedly, looking anywhere but the brunette. “It’ll make you sick.”

Joohyun tilts her head, eyes squinting subtly as the corner of her mouth curves upwards before she wordlessly grabs a different packaged lunch. “Not chicken,” She declares proudly, holding it out for you to inspect.

“Not chicken,” You agree, an adoring smile subconsciously appearing on your lips before you turn away, browsing for your own lunch until eventually settling on an unpopular soup and rolling your eyes when Joohyun begins to playfully berate you for your choice, only stopping when you lightly hit the crown of her head, prompting a melodramatic yelp but nothing else.

“Aren’t you going to go be with Sooyoung?” Joohyun asks as you hover behind her, absentmindedly picking at the plastic wrapping on your spoon while she finishes swiping her meal card.

You puff your cheeks, paying for your food and peering over at your usual spot where your best friend waits with the rest of your teammates, the empty seat next to her clearly meant for you, despite your earlier spat. Common sense tells you it would be best to sit with her, to resolve any tensions and keep up your charade, but the way your heart cracks when you notice the glimmer of hope in Joohyun’s eyes at your hesitation leads you in another, less rational direction.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine without me for one day,” You say, and the beaming grin Joohyun gives you is immediately worth it as you allow the older girl to take you by the arm, and lead you to the school’s senior longue, where a handful of other people appear to be waiting for her and a few others, the only one currently there that you recognize is Jisoo, who seems surprised yet also pleased to see you.

“Y/N,” She greets with a nod, a smirk plastered on her lips, her amused gaze meeting Joohyun’s and causing you to glance between the two as Joohyun only shakes her head, drawing out an unexpected chuckle from Jisoo before she delves back into a conversation with the girl on her left, leaving you confused and looking to Joohyun for clarification.

“Don’t worry about it,” She says, pulling you down to the ground where you take a seat, back against the wall, a millimeter of space between you and Joohyun.

Admittedly you feel out of place as you eat your lunch, unable to remember the names of any of Joohyun’s friends, save for Roseanne, the blonde who showed up later, but you only knew her from hanging around Joohyun so much, recognizing her to be Jisoo’s girlfriend that you’d met twice before at a group study and you’d gotten on well enough with her. Still, you opt to only listen as the brunette talks with her friends, watching her reactions with interest and every once in a while you’ll politely chime in when Joohyun pushes you to, but for the most part, you’re content to just silently follow along and observe. Eventually, Jisoo and Joohyun’s friends disperse, heading back to their classes, leaving the three of you behind, having no interest in returning to your classroom to carry out the rest of your free block.

“I like having you as my partner,” Joohyun says softly after a few moments of silence, and you can’t help but notice Jisoo watching you two in the least subtle way possible.

“I do too.”

“You’re not going to ditch me when this is over, right?” Joohyun asks, gaze meeting yours, and although her voice is laced with a joking tone you can tell it’s all but that. “We’ll still talk?”

“Of course,” You say. “I’ll never leave you.”

Joohyun nods in contentment, leaning into your side, her head moving to rest on your shoulder as her hair tickles your cheek and for once, you register, your body doesn’t go rigid at someone else’s touch. However, that doesn’t mean you’re not surprised when her arm hooks around yours, clutching it as her eyes flutter shut, a soft sigh escaping her lips.

“Tired?” You murmur softly in question, looking down at the smaller girl as she turns to hide her face in your neck.

You can feel Joohyun’s lips curve into a smile. “A little.”

You swallow, ignoring the sudden chill you feel. “We have a bit left, you can take a nap if you want?”

“Will you wake me up?” She mumbles.

“I will,” You say, offering her your pinky which she takes with a laugh. “I promise.”

You begin to feel wary as you notice Joohyun’s chest rising and falling slower while she sinks into a deep sleep, and you’re suddenly hyper-aware of the girl sitting across from you. You’ve always felt off around Kim Jisoo, not because you didn’t get along with her, but because you always had an odd sense that she knew more than she let on. Like you, she’s clever and perceptive and her smirks and glances begin to replay in your mind as you watch her type something into her phone. You can’t help but feel leery, an inkling of paranoia filling you as you wonder if perhaps she has figured Sooyoung and you out or at least come close. If anyone were to figure you out, it would be Jisoo, and the realization doesn’t exactly console you.

“You two would make a good couple,” Jisoo hums suddenly, making you jump. Her stare is fixed between you and Joohyun, her trademark analytical look back on her face and you’re sure she’s judging you, but for what you’re not sure. “I approve.”

Your eyes widen. “I don’t like her in that way,” You say adamantly, ignoring Jisoo’s arched brow. “And I have a girlfriend,” You hastily add on, cringing at how your last sentence came out as more of an unconvincing afterthought than anything.

“Right,” Jisoo chuckles, and you swear there’s a hint of knowingness in her voice as she continues. “But if you didn’t.”

You open your mouth to respond but you falter, realizing you have nothing to say and Jisoo seems to take that as an unspoken answer, going back to what she was doing as if nothing had happened, as if what she’d said wasn’t threatening to unravel the very thin veil you’d crafted between yourself and a forbidden thought you had long ago, pushed away into the deepest dredges of your mind.

But if you didn’t. The words ring in your head. If you weren’t fake dating Sooyoung, and if up until recently you weren’t so sure Seulgi was the only one for you, if you had just gotten to know Joohyun without your best friend’s hovering and constant check-ins, then what? What would your life be like? You look to your side, at Joohyun, whose gentle breaths brush against your neck. You reach to push a strand of her hair aside and when you look up, Jisoo is once again watching you.

“I-” You begin, but Jisoo interrupts you.

“I know,” She says.

You’re unable to hide your shock in time and Jisoo notices it donning an enigmatic smile, for a moment you contemplate playing dumb, but you know there’s no point. “How?” You ask finally.

Jisoo tilts her head, looking at you like the answer is the most obvious thing in the world. “Because,” She gestures between you and Joohyun, “You never look at Sooyoung the way you look at her.”

An hour later, you’re walking down the halls towards the exit, your bag hitched on your shoulder as your own thoughts consume you. Joohyun didn’t wake up until you tenderly shook her awake just minutes before the end of the day, and the tired grin she gave you was enough to make your heartbeat quicken. You’d half expected Jisoo to blurt out your secret then and there, but true to her word she said nothing, and you hoped she’d keep her promise as she drove home with Joohyun. In a way, it’s freeing knowing that someone else knew of your charade, but at the same time, you feel guilty, the weeks of deceit catching up to you in one single stride as you think of Joohyun. You don’t like lying, even if it’s for the sake of your best friend. You resolve to tell Joohyun everything once everything is over, and the weight on your consciousness feels subtly lighter.

“Hey! Y/N!” A voice, which you’re easily able to recognize as Sooyoung’s, calls from behind you, followed by heavy footfalls and eventually a hand on your shoulder. “Why didn’t you stop?” She huffs, not exactly out of breath, but clearly a little affected by the exertion.

You raise a brow, unamused. “Do you really want me to answer that Sooyoung?”

“No, ” Sooyoung sighs, going silent and allowing a growingly palpable tension to settle in between the two of you. “I’m sorry,” Sooyoung says a few beats later. “About earlier.”

You glance at Sooyoung for a moment, before looking away, not responding as you continue to walk, twirling the keys to your car on your finger in thought. Truthfully, you’re no longer upset with her, at least not as much as you were previously, but you’re still hurt. You’ve come to the conclusion that over the past month, Sooyoung has changed into someone you no longer know, her obsession with Joohyun taking up her life and leaking into yours as she drags you along in this stupid plan, and you can’t help but wish you hadn’t let yourself get into this. And maybe you’re naive to think this, you realize as you notice Sooyoung beginning to leave, but you can’t help but hope that in two more days it will all go back to normal.

“Hey, Sooyoung?” You call, causing her to turn around. “I’m sorry too.”

Sooyoung smiles softly. “Thank you.”

///

Your fingers run over the hem of your volleyball uniform, anxiously fidgeting with your shirt before you take a deep inhale, beginning to stretch out your legs and arms. You notice that more people than usual line the stands today as you glance over to the crowd and despite your growing unease, your gaze instinctively skims through it, searching for the comfort of a certain brunette, but much to your disappointment, you’re unable to spot her.

“Feeling alright?” Sooyoung asks, her words startling you out of your distracted state as she places a consoling hand on your shoulder making you tense and she quickly lets go of you with an apologetic look.

You reach for your neck. “Yeah,” You say unconvincingly, and your best friend arches a doubtful brow. “You?”

Sooyoung shrugs, her eyes falling towards your teammates, an unimpressed hum escaping her as you witness Seungwan overshoot her serve. “Could be better,” Sooyoung remarks, crossing her arms.

You shake your head. “I’m sure we’ll do fine.”

“Hey,” Sooyoung peers at you, her lip quirked upwards. “Since when are you the optimistic one?” She teases, nudging your side.

“You’re insufferable,” You groan, rolling your eyes and letting out a huff while you try your best to appear unaffected by her provocations, but after years together it’s hard to hold back your amusement around Sooyoung and the smallest of laughs manages to worm its way out of you.

“See? You don’t really think that,” She declares, attempting to hug you but you push her away and she feigns insult, grasping her arm theatrically.

“I definitely do,” You assure her flatly.

“Sure,” Sooyoung concedes, although her tone is still playful. “By the way,” She starts casually after a few beats of silence. “Have you seen Joohyun?”

“No,” You resist the urge to frown, the reminder of Joohyun breaking you away from the normalcy of the moment, and tearing you back into the reality of your stress-filled charade. It’s bittersweet, how you find your heart aching for a time one month ago when your relationship with Sooyoung wasn’t so strained and centered around someone else. But at the same time, you also find yourself realizing that you could never let go of your precious memories with Joohyun, a twinge of yearning making itself known at the mere thought of losing her. You grimace, it reminds you of how you felt when Seulgi told you she was leaving.

“But I thought you invited her?” Sooyoung asks, shoulders slouching.

“I did,” You reply, looking over to the crowd again and you’re almost embarrassed by how hopeful you are that you’ll find the girl that is quickly becoming your favorite person, or, you peek at Sooyoung, second favorite.

“She’s over there,” Sooyoung murmurs, elbowing you and jutting her chin towards your left.

You follow her directions with a raised brow, spotting Joohyun alongside Jisoo. She laughs at something, the amusement reaching her eyes while she joyously claps her hands, and even from afar her presence relaxes you. As if sensing your stare, Joohyun’s dusky eyes suddenly meet yours, her smile widening as she waves softly at you, eagerly pointing at her shirt which you see has your school logo on it and sending you a thumbs up. You sheepishly return the gesture, before her attention returns to Jisoo, who is pointing at Sooyoung and whispering something into Joohyun’s ear, the brunette reacting to whatever was said shyly and ducking her head. Inexplicably, a burning flash of nausea sweeps through you, leaving you momentarily shaken, before you recenter yourself.

You turn to Sooyoung, expecting her to celebrate Joohyun’s acknowledgement and you’re confused to be met with an inquiring expression, her gaze flickering between the two of you, but she seems to shrug it off, an easy-going grin returning to her lips, and you find your unknowingly tense shoulders loosening.

“Did you see that?” Sooyoung asks, an ecstatic tone to her voice that reminds you of the energized way her younger sisters speak to you.

“Yeah,” You blink. “I did.”

But you don’t get to say anything else as your coach calls you and Sooyoung over, the two of you sharing a glance before jogging off to meet them and the rest of your team, your anxiety returning as you remember with a grimace what’s at stake.

The game goes well enough, with your team winning by a sliver of a point difference, something you’re not too pleased by but accept nonetheless, after all a victory is a victory, and you’d be lying if you said you played your best, your eyes frequently wandering towards Joohyun in between sets, effectively distracting you a few times and garnering you a few blunders as well as ugly stares. But the worst part of it all you realize with a grimace as Sooyoung trots up to you after the match wearing a wide grin, is that you have to admit that she was right, or at least acknowledge it. For once it seems, Sooyoung made the right decision by canceling practice yesterday.

“I told you,” She teases, jostling you playfully once the two of you have started cleaning up the remnants of your match, your teammates having been dismissed earlier with the rest of the crowd as you and Sooyoung took responsibility for what was left. You’re slightly disappointed to notice that Joohyun hadn’t stayed behind, but you brush it off, telling yourself you shouldn’t care, but even the voice in your head doesn’t seem too confident.

“Whatever,” You roll your eyes, not wanting to give Sooyoung the satisfaction of admittance to defeat, but that seems to spur her on even more, her mockery only increasing while you ignore her unamusedly, until finally you take your water bottle and squirt her in the face with it, which manages to shut her up as she sulks soaked through the rest of your duties, while you on the other hand, suddenly feel quite cheerful, even beginning to hum softly under your breath.

“Are you sure?” Sooyoung asks you five minutes later, her hesitance clear after you’d told her she could leave without you.

“Yeah, it’s fine Sooyoung, you go ahead.” You urge, lifting your jersey pointedly with a crinkle of your nose. “I don’t think I can wait until I get home to take this off, I’ll be seconds behind you.”

Your best friend seems to contemplate this before letting out a defeated sigh. “Alright,” She says, hoisting her bag over her shoulder. “Just let me know when you get home.”

“Will do,” You promise, watching her as she leaves, before you split off towards the corridor to the locker rooms, stopping to turn off the massive rows of lights illuminating the gymnasium first and securing the doors behind you.

You twirl the keys on your finger as you walk, your steps echoing through the empty halls and your thoughts begin to drift off, more specifically to Joohyun and the sickening feeling you’d gotten when she had smiled at Sooyoung, even just remembering it makes you feel unwell. You grit your teeth, looking up to the ceiling and taking a deep breath.

A long time ago you’d felt that same feeling when Seulgi had convinced you to go out with her to a concert, her begging words impossible to say no to and while you’d enjoyed it, the night was forever tainted in your memory by the exact same rumbling discomfort in your chest you’d felt earlier, because coincidentally, Seulgi’s ex, Lisa Manoban was there too, and watching them reunite left you queasy as they reminisced and discussed commonalities you and Seulgi didn’t have, like her passion for dance. You’re not a jealous person, that had always been Sooyoung’s role (and her ongoing scheme proved it), but for the first time in your life, you felt truly jealous, even if only for an unreasonable second as you’d later find that you got on quite well with Lisa who you recalled had semi-jokingly told you to her call if you and Seulgi broke up.

But that situation was different from today. You were dating Seulgi, and for a moment your insecurities got the best of you, but with Joohyun? You were just friends, not to mention that you two had only begun regularly talking two weeks ago even if it felt like a lifetime with the amount of things she had coaxed out of you so easily, things that had taken your own best friend over a decade. Joohyun was special to you, in a way you’ve never experienced before, but so was Sooyoung, so why were you so annoyingly jealous of her, when in reality you should be happy for her, pleased that at least this stupid plan was coming to some form of fruition. But Jisoo’s comments from yesterday echo in your head once more, and you curse the girl.

For the first time, you allow yourself the tantalizing admittance that maybe you like Bae Joohyun before you rapidly lock the thought away in a box and shove it under a metaphorical rug in your mind, cringing at yourself and feeling guilty for even formulating such a taboo notion, thinking of your loyalty to Sooyoung and hastening your stride, focusing on doing what you had to do and going home, where hopefully you can forget everything, but those musings quickly fade as you notice someone lingering outside the changing area, your eyes narrowing and body tensing but when the person turns to you, you relax as you’re met with the very girl who has your brain tying itself in knots.

“Joohyun?” You call, managing to compose yourself before you speak, confusion lacing your tone as you approach her. “How long have you been here?”

“A bit,” She shrugs looking at you with a smile that makes your chest seize up, your earlier revelation returning to you and you swat it away, reminding yourself of Sooyoung, which seems to ground you.

“And what if I hadn’t shown up?” You can’t help but tease.

Joohyun crosses her arms, tilting her head. “I would’ve found you eventually,” She answers confidently.

You bite your lip, secretly quite charmed by her as you attempt to mask how flustered you feel. “Right then,” You mutter under your breath, suddenly taken by the sight of your shoes, and Joohyun appears to be entertained by your behavior.

“I wanted to talk to you,” She clarifies, sparing you from yourself and you think you catch a hint of nervousness in her voice. “If that’s okay?”

You swallow, forcing yourself not to read too much into Joohyun’s request and centering yourself. “Is there something I should be worried about?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Okay,” You concede, “Do you mind if I change first?”

Joohyun suddenly coughs. “Not at all,” She mumbles.

You're surprised when she follows you into the locker rooms, having expected her to wait outside, but admittedly you don’t mind the company, once again drawing comfort from her. However your jaw locks when you’re greeted with another unexpected shock, but unlike Joohyun, it’s wholly unwelcomed as your narrowed gaze falls upon your least favorite teammate who stares back at you with a grin.

“Jennie,” You greet tersely. “What are you doing here?”

“Sorry Kwon,” Jennie replies, knowing the use of your last name irks you. “I just came back to get something I left behind,” The younger girl looks between you and Joohyun with a smirk that makes you feel uneasy, and you sense Joohyun shift uncomfortably beside you. “Well, I’ll leave you two to it!” Jennie declares cheerily with a wave before walking off and you find yourself holding your breath until you hear the door slam shut.

Silence settles between you and Joohyun, neither of you wanting to address what just happened, and you too tired and figuring she wouldn’t care, begin to change right there. Joohyun seems to watch you intently as you pull your uniform shirt over your head before she registers you’re observing her reaction curiously. She rapidly turns her gaze away with a choked apology. You think she’s blushing but you ignore the thought, continuing with your routine until you’re done and tapping her shoulder to let her know she can look again, but when she turns she just stares at you.

“You’re very pretty, you know?” The brunette breathes out suddenly with a hum and for a moment she appears to be dazed by her own words as if she hadn’t meant to say them aloud, but she seems to shrug it off and it’s clear her usual self-assuredness has returned as she reaches to cup your cheek. Her touch makes your skin prickle and your thoughts short circuit.

“Surely that’s not what you wanted to tell me,” You manage to respond eventually, albeit unsteadily.

“What if it was?” Joohyun challenges before she shakes her head, dropping her hand. “Sorry,” She sighs, glancing beyond you. “You’re right. I wanted to ask you something.” Joohyun pauses for a long second, “Just promise me you won’t lie.”

“I promise,” You say, but there’s a seriousness in her tone that makes you shift your weight, highly aware of a building sense of anxiety in your stomach, and you’re certain that whatever her question is is going to change things between you two, and you can only pray it won’t end negatively, your heart not able to even take the thought of losing Joohyun as you begin to brace yourself

Joohyun chews her lip, a fleeting look of hesitation crossing her face and she takes a deep breath, her expression evening out as her eyes bore into yours. “Why are you pretending to date Sooyoung?”

For a moment you’re stunned, your thoughts halting in place as you’re unable to process anything, and everything seems to spin rapidly around you. You feel ill, struggling to hold yourself up while a sickening wave of nausea surges through you, everything incoherent as you force yourself to speak. “What? That’s-” You choke on your words as even more panic rises in your chest. “That’s not-” You squeeze your eyes shut, your head pounding.

“Y/N,” You can feel Joohyun grip your shoulder, steadying you. “You promised not to lie,” She reminds gently, her voice sounding far away yet you can still recognize an underlying hurt in it that makes you crack.

“I’m sorry,” You manage to murmur, opening your eyes but refusing to meet her gaze and your mind begins to straighten out as you calm yourself, shame still searing through you. “I’m so sorry,” You repeat, hoping Joohyun knows you’re apologizing for everything, every lie and every millisecond of deceit. “I just wanted to help Sooyoung.”

There’s a long beat of silence, and you force yourself to glance at Joohyun, who remains frozen, until suddenly her arms are wrapped around you pulling you into a hug, her fingers running through your hair while you continue to utter a stream of apologies and you’re certain it’s not real, that you’re imagining it in place of how she really reacted, until you hear her whisper against you, “It’s okay, I forgive you.”

An overwhelming sense of ease washes over you as you squeeze her back, and for the first time in weeks, you feel relieved, overjoyed to no longer have to lie, the guilt washing off of you. “How did you know?” You ask minutes later, and Joohyun shocks you by laughing, the air around you instantly lightening.

“I didn’t,” She answers honestly, pulling back from you, her hands still resting on your shoulders. “I just had a feeling something was off and Jisoo told me to act on it,” Joohyun grimaces. “I promise I wasn’t expecting it to work out how it did.”

“Shit,” You groan, thinking back on the past couple of weeks, and realizing while you and Sooyoung’s act might have been believable for those who didn’t truly know you, it was painfully suspicious to those who did, and as short as the period was that Sooyoung and Joohyun had dated, they still shared some level of intimacy that would’ve allowed Joohyun to notice the oddities in Sooyoung’s behavior, which even you realize, was much different from how she usually acted in relationships. It was foolish to ever think you had a chance with someone as perceptive as Joohyun or even Jisoo mingling with you, and it occurs to you, in an almost satirical way, that Jisoo, although pushing Joohyun in the right direction, had kept her promise and not told Joohyun.

“Can I ask you one more thing?” Joohyun questions.

“Sure,” You say, registering that it doesn’t matter anymore now that Joohyun knows, you can tell her anything and in a way, it’s freeing.

“Why did Sooyoung want to do it?”

There’s a beat of silence while you wrack your brain for an elegant answer before you give up, realizing there is none. “She wanted to make you jealous,” You respond simply, and in hindsight, you cringe at your best friend’s poorly formed plan. “She thought you’d get back together with her if you saw us dating.”

The older girl hums thoughtfully. “Well, at least one part of it worked.”

You snort at her, thinking she’s making a joke, the thought of Sooyoung’s scheme working is quite amusing to you, but when you look at her, expecting her to let out a chuckle, you realize she’s being genuine. “You’re serious? Then why aren’t you with her?”

“I wasn’t jealous of you,” Joohyun laughs, staring at you incredulously. “I was jealous of Sooyoung.”

“Oh,” You say dumbly, your mind making the connection, and suddenly Joohyun’s past behaviors make more sense to you, the kiss on the cheek, her discomfort around Sooyoung, the joke about the date, and it makes you go numb, overwhelmed by it all, yet you also buzz with elation. Your own buried feelings break through the chains you had long since latched them in, breaching the surface and you know you can no longer hide them anymore, maybe if they were for anyone else, but when it comes to Bae Joohyun, you know it’s impossible. For once, you’re certain of something, and that’s that you like Joohyun, a lot.

“Y/N, I like you. I know I said I didn’t care, but I do care, a lot,” Joohyun says, reaching to hold your chin, a vulnerability in her dusky eyes that you’ve never seen before and she shakes her head, smiling awkwardly. “You don’t have to like me back though, I just wanted to tell you because-”

“Joohyun,” You cut her off tenderly, the pain in her voice is too much for you to let her continue. “I like you too.”

Joohyun appears shocked at first, her expression wide-eyed before it transforms into a delicate grin, her fingers shifting to gingerly stroke the messy hairs hanging in your face to the side, and she leans closer to you as your mouths nearly brush against each other, her hand moving to gently trace the shell of your ear. “Can I kiss you?”

Your breath catches in your throat, blood pounding in your ears as you manage a nod, and she leans in, pressing her lips to yours. They’re plush and soft, drawing you in deeper as both you and her pour thousands of unspoken words into your kiss, your heart thundering, while you allow yourself to get lost in her alluring scent and overwhelming touch. Everything within you seems electrified as you move against each other, Joohyun’s arms wrapping lovingly around your neck, the weeks of your denial and her building jealousy finally forcing its way out of the two of you and molding itself into something new, beyond the simplicity of love and passion. Nothing else existed, nothing else even mattered, except for Bae Joohyun, and she knew, drawing you in further and further, to get more and more lost in her sweet taste and soft skin as her fingers teasingly sweep up and down your abdomen, leaving trails of burning fire in their wake. A gasp escapes you, but Joohyun smothers it, pressing closer to you with a spur of intensity that sends you reeling, the only coherent thought on your mind being of her.

“You’re the one I left her for,” Joohyun says breathily as she finally pulls away from you, resting her forehead against yours, her brown eyes sparkling with adoration.

“What?”

“I couldn’t be with her knowing I liked someone else,” She murmurs, caressing your cheek. “You’re the reason why I broke up with Sooyoung.”

“Sooyoung,” You echo, the once far away thought of your best friend coming rearing back as a feeling of panic rises in your chest causing your legs to collapse, your body unexpectedly slipping from Joohyun’s comforting grasp as you sink to the ground, head in your hands. “She’s going to kill me Joohyun,” you whisper. “She’s going to hate me.”

“She won’t hate you Y/N,” Joohyun says, sitting next to you and moving your head to press against her breastbone as she begins to draw soothing patterns on your back, whispering honeyed words into your ear and patiently guiding your sporadic breathing back to normal.

“How am I going to tell her?” You ask.

Joohyun looks down at you, her expression not exactly hopeful. “I don’t know, but she’s your best friend, she’ll understand,” Joohyun assures. “It will work out.”

You nod slowly, choosing to believe her words as you lean further into her, trying to forget your problems and focusing on Joohyun’s assurances, which you repeat to yourself even a half-hour later, as you arrive home and pull your phone out to text Sooyoung with a pang of guilt, leaving her message on read when she questions what took you so long.

“She’ll understand,” You mumble to yourself half-heartedly, already beginning to think of how you could ever explain this to your best friend.

///

Your parents aren’t home, having gone out to a corporate party that would last well into the night when Sooyoung shows up at your doorstep. Her hair is slick with rain, matted down and stringy as small drops of water drip off her, and when you blink you’re reminded of a night that was so long ago, yet somehow feels so fresh despite the immeasurable changes that have occurred since now and then. When Sooyoung was standing on your porch soaked and shaking and you pulled the newly heartbroken girl into your arms, murmuring consoling words into her ear as you held her tighter than you’d ever held her before. But this time isn’t like that you register, observing the blankness in Sooyoung’s brown eyes and you resist the urge to step back when you catch the angered twitch of her lip.

Possibilities for her fury begin to run through your head, recalling the way she had looked at you with gentle worry just two hours ago, a clear cut contrast to the venomous way her gaze bores into yours now, but you realize there’s no point in sifting through possibilities. There’s no point in pretending to be ignorant or remaining in denial. You know why she’s here. Possibilities didn’t matter anymore, not when you had a definite involving the now shared center point of both your lives, Bae Joohyun, and you knew that this was the last straw. You and Sooyoung were two moons fighting for one orbit, and the only ending was disaster and collision, a deadly finale of an explosion you saw coming from kilometers away barrelling towards you. No Joohyun, you thought, her comforting words returning to you, things would not be okay. And suddenly only two questions remained within you, how had Sooyoung found out, and how would you tell her?

You clear your throat. “Hey.”

But Sooyoung doesn’t bother to greet you back, instead, slipping past you as a growing dread begins to fill your stomach, and leaving you to silently close the door behind her and follow her into your kitchen, watching cautiously as she reaches into one of your cupboards for an empty glass, her familiarity with your home becoming less comforting and more haunting.

“Did you know that Bae Joohyun kissed someone?” Sooyoung asks suddenly, her tone chillingly casual as she turns on your faucet.

Your breath catches for a moment taken aback by her bluntness, before you manage to make it even out, still keeping an arm’s length distance from the older girl as you lean against one of the counters, forcing yourself to meet her gaze and not allowing yourself to be intimidated. Your jaw sets as you look into her rage-filled glare. “Really?” You ask, choosing to play dumb and buy yourself more time, foolishly hoping you can figure out a way to deescalate your impending doom, but the choice only makes the bubbling guilt within you rise as you realize your deceit, and you can feel bile rising in your throat.

“Really?” Sooyoung mocks, arching a brow. “I just figured you would know,” She looks to you for an answer, sipping her water, and placing it down painfully slow but you remain silent, feeling more sickly by the second. “Since there’s this picture,” She continues. “And the person in it looks an awful lot like you.”

Dazed by her revelation, you blink as your mind splits itself into multiple directions, before it hones in on a single passing moment finding your answer. Jennie Kim. She must’ve snuck back and caught you and Joohyun. You swallow, and for the first time, your resolve flickers, eyes widening briefly before you regain control of your appearance, but not fast enough to escape Sooyoung’s notice as she abruptly grabs your wrist, forcing you closer to her. “Was it you?”

You grit your teeth as Sooyoung’s nails dig into your skin, looking her dead on and you know you can’t lie to her, even if you did she’d see through it. “It was,” You admit, forcing your voice to reamain steady while your lie collapses around you, filling you with shame. “It was me.”

“I fucking knew it!” She exclaims with a harshness that you’ve never heard before. Sooyoung releases her grip on you, her hands jumping to hold her head as she starts to pace the room, seething and throwing volleys of insults your way while you observe, taking it quietly until she turns on you, her expression dark as she laughs. “You’re the one she left me for.”

“You just figured that out?” You bite back, unable to hold your tongue any longer, your meekness cracking, choosing for once, to not let Sooyoung push you around so easily.

“You don’t deserve her,” Sooyoung states. “And when she realizes that, she’ll leave you too, just like Seulgi.”

The words are like a slap to the face, your insecurities on full display and flooding you with humiliation that rapidly transforms itself into a fit of raw, unfiltered anger you’ve never felt before. “And you think you deserve her?” You challenge, tilting your head. “After all you’ve done is treat her like an object, acting like she was just another trophy to add to your collection and not a real person! At least I have the decency to see her as a human being and not as you called her, ‘a future celebrity’ for you to show off!”

Sooyoung bristles, scoffing cruelly. “You are such a fucking liar Y/N. I never did any of that.”

“Never did that?” You echo incredulously. “Then what do you call trying to manipulate her into loving you again with a fake girlfriend? Is that not treating her like an object?”

“Oh quit acting so high and mighty,” Sooyoung sneers, pressing a finger into your chest “You agreed to help me!”

“Because you’re my best friend!” You shout, pushing her away from you, glowering and suddenly every tightly wound string within you finally snaps, breaking apart like a ball of rubber bands as weeks worth of resentment rushes from you, oozing through your blood and turning it cold. “All I ever wanted was for you to be happy Sooyoung,” You breathe, exasperated. “And I thought this would help, but it only made everything worse. I know I agreed, but the difference between you and me is that I regret it every day and I swear I will spend my life trying to make it up to her if I have to. But you?” The rage in your voice only seems to grow. “You’re a selfish brat that doesn't give a single shit as long as you get what you want!”

Hurt seems to flicker in Sooyoung’s eyes as you finish speaking, but only for a split second as they abruptly quickly turn dark, dangerous almost, and you’re stumbling backward as she shoves you hard, seizing you by your shoulder as you make impact with the countertop behind you and punching you square in the jaw, your head whipping to the side with a groan. Sooyoung seems to recognize the gravity of what she’s done as she releases you, her expression bewildered as she backs away leaving you to prop yourself up. The metallic taste of blood begins to fill your mouth and you wipe your lips staring at Sooyoung with a similar look of shock, and suddenly she no longer looks like the Sooyoung you know. You tenderly reach to rub your aching jaw, the hit not having been hard enough to cause serious damage, you note thankfully, but the pain is still agonizing.

And it occurs to you that you were wrong. Things between you and Sooyoung will never be the same, or at least not in the way you wanted, even if you were to forgive her right now. You always thought she needed you, and she did, but in a way that was different from how you needed her. Maybe it was your fault, for choosing to remain blind to the growing fracture of your relationship, you were no longer the two young girls who begged their mothers for extra sweets, but rather two strangers divided, and perhaps it was meant to be like this. Perhaps you never followed the same paths you thought you did. There comes a point when something is too broken to be fixed, too poisoned to be cured, and is that not where you are now? The shattered pieces of your relationship are too small, fine, and fragmented to possibly find them all, nonetheless glue them back together. No, it could never be the same.

“I’m so sorry,” Sooyoung finally utters, her voice cracking.

But you ignore her because for some inexplicable reason you don’t care anymore, you’re numb to the pain in her tone. All you can think of is yesterday. Yesterday when you promised Joohyun you’d always be there, and you know that no matter how much you may want it, you can’t have both Joohyun and Sooyoung. You have to choose. And as you look at your best friend for the first time without clouded vision, you can finally see that you don’t know her anymore, and you haven’t for months, maybe years.

You look at Sooyoung with a grimace. “Get out.”

///

Joohyun’s delicate arms wrap around your waist, her body leaning against your side with her head resting in the notch of your collarbone as you watch the final ribbons of daylight begin to retreat over the pink and orange dappled horizon, your appearance content. The two of you blissfully stand amongst the slowly dispersing crowd on the plush fields behind your former school, a palpable jubilance dancing through the air while your classmates linger around you, some of them beginning to split off towards their own celebrations while others stay to talk. Not too far away from you, your own family sits alongside Joohyun’s chatting cheerfully, and you smile at the sight.

“They’re probably talking about when we’ll get married,” Joohyun jokes, her gaze clearly having followed yours as you wave to them.

You glance at her amusedly. “You think?”

“Definitely,” She sighs. “I can already hear them asking me tonight,” Joohyun pauses, clearing her throat in preparation to imitate her mother. “Joohyun,” She mocks, and you struggle to hold in a laugh at her awful impression. “Now that you’ve graduated don’t you think it’s time to settle down?”

“But mom,” You play along. “I’m only eighteen!”

Joohyun pinches you, making you yelp. “I don’t sound like that,” She chides, her expression serious as she tries to be intimidating, but the affection glimmering in her eyes only causes you to grin dopily.

It’s almost strange how blissful you feel around Joohyun, the feeling only having exponentialized over the past four months you’ve been dating. Bae Joohyun, you’ve concluded, is what makes you complete, and you’re determined not to let her go. But amongst the pleasurable moments, there also laid the darker ones, where with a panging ache, you remember your former best friend.

You haven’t talked to Sooyoung since that night, and there’s been no need for you either, not after you quit the volleyball team. You felt guilty, leaving them during your final tournament of the year, but you couldn’t face her, not after everything that happened, and especially not when word spread that you/d “cheated” on Sooyoung with her ex. You humiliated her, and you knew that if she didn’t hate you before, she surely did now. But truthfully, even without your best friend at your side, you’re happier than you’ve ever been. There are some emotions you can’t describe, and the way you feel about Joohyun is just that.

Joohyun is everything to you and you haven’t told her yet, but you think you love her. And although you’re sure she knows it already, you still want to tell her so desperately, but the words are caged within you, because when you try to say it a haunting insecurity begins to swallow you, overwhelming you with a lingering fear that she’ll leave, just like Seulgi, that this is all an intricate yet delicate illusion that will crumble with a single misstep. But Joohyun always assures you it’s not, and when she cups your cheek and gazes at you with the same adoration you look at her with, it’s hard not to believe her, and suddenly you find the words are caught in your throat for a different reason.

You remember calling her after Sooyoung had left, and the unbridled fury in her eyes as she saw the bruise forming on your jawline, swearing to you that she’d go kill Sooyoung there and then and you knew she would. But you begged her to leave the girl alone, to just let it go, and with reluctance she did, holding you close until your parents returned home with a barrage of distressed questions, none of which you answered. Despite what Sooyoung had done to you, you still wanted to protect her as much as you yourself didn’t understand it.

Many times you’ve realized, while lying wide awake late at night, staring mindlessly into the emptiness above, that as much as you despised Sooyoung, in a way you loved her too, and like anyone you love, a piece of her would stay with you forever. For a long time, your life was closely intertwined with Park Sooyoung’s and you knew that you’d forever treasure that, yet you also acknowledged the bitter ending, where the connection between you two began to waver and decay even as you forced yourself to remain ignorant to the fact, hoping that if you just pretended it was okay, it would turn out that way.

For many months you’d hated her for everything, clinging in a macabre way to the stabbing thoughts of how she had used you or the pain she’d inflicted on you until one day you suddenly didn’t care anymore. You just felt tired, your resentment had drained you, and your exhaustion began to affect the lives of the people you loved, including Joohyun, as you went about things half-heartedly, your bitterness clear even if you never acted on it, and that was when you recognized it wasn’t worth it. So you just let go of it, and in your own way, you forgave Sooyoung too, remembering your own wrongs, as you came to the conclusion that the blame couldn’t be placed on one of you but both. Both of you had harmed each other in your shared desperation to reach your own goals, so you simply chose to focus on the happier memories you had with Sooyoung, which admittedly made your chest pang dully, but the poisoned space she had left your heart with was finally starting to mend itself slowly with your own acceptance and Joohyun’s nurturing touch.

“Y/N?” Joohyun calls to you tenderly, gently grasping your chin and turning your face to look at her own, subtle concern flickering across her features. “Are you okay?”

You nod, smiling softly. “Of course.”

“You sure?”Joohyun questions, arching a brow, her gaze searching yours.

“Yeah,” You hum, carefully untangling yourself from her grasp to face her, moving to press your lips against hers in a brief kiss as you reach for her hand, remembering a moment, months ago when you had promised you wouldn’t leave her and just like then, you hold out your pinky. “I promise.”

Joohyun shakes her head, the corner of her mouth curling upwards as she wraps her finger around yours before placing her arms around your midriff and pulling you into her. “You’re starting to rack up a lot of promises to keep Y/N,” She says with a teasing lilt.

“Really?” You ask breathily, still very much so affected by Joohyun’s closeness. “In that case, I also promise to never break a promise.”

The older girl rolls her eyes at your words, pretending to be unimpressed by your sentimental behavior, but you can feel her hold on you subtly tighten, telling you how she truly feels as you contentedly lean into her, your head resting atop hers, each of you bathing in the other’s presence, however, the sound of someone clearing their throat behind you rapidly startles you out of your bliss, effectively cutting through your delicate moment with Joohyun as she looks over your shoulder, her jaw tensing.

“Joohyun?” You murmur, confusion lacing your voice as you remove yourself from her, turning to see what’s upset her and suddenly your posture stiffens, your gaze leveling with the familiar face of your former best friend, her stance mirroring yours despite her having sought you out. Joohyun protectively steps to stand beside you, her hand moving to the small of your back and her eyes saturate with resentment as she glances between you and Sooyoung.

“Y/N,” Sooyoung greets curtly, glancing over at Joohyun, and you’re quick to catch the flicker of sourness in her expression, your nearly two-decade friendship not forgotten as you easily read her, and you’re sure it’s mutual. “Joohyun,” She adds hollowly.

“Sooyoung,” You address her cautiously, your voice surprising you with its steadiness, a stark contrast to how you feel internally because no matter how much you’ve missed her, you’re still clouded with a wariness of her, remembering the taste of blood on your tongue.

“I wanted to say congratulations,” Sooyoung speaks calmly, but her fingers anxiously running through her hair betray her neutral appearance. “To both of you.”

You’re taken aback by her admittance, your mind already analyzing the possibilities of her intentions while you observe Sooyoung’s features, which seem to be emotionless, with an arched brow. But she gives nothing away, clearly having recognized her earlier mistake.

“Thank you,” Joohyun replies politely, surprising both you and Sooyoung as you peer at your girlfriend with widened eyes, noticing, however, that as she finishes speaking her lips are pressed together.

You nod, shaking yourself out of your stupor as you lamely add, “Congratulations to you too Sooyoung.”

Sooyoung stares at you for a long second, as if she’s committing this moment to memory, before she excuses herself, walking away from the two of you. Your chest aches, because when you blink you see a million memories, reminding you of what feels like a far off dream, and for just for a second you remember a time that seems so long ago it can’t possibly be real, when Sooyoung and you weren’t so far apart. And you’re so desperate because you can feel her slipping, and you know today is your last chance to grab hold of her once again before she floats away forever. But you can’t seem to yell out to her, your heart cracking one last time over Park Sooyoung, the girl you once considered your closest friend turned stranger, as you finally realize the inevitable, your rose-tinted fantasies crumbling into ashes.

Your chapter with Sooyoung is over, and there’s nothing you can do to extend it, there’s nothing you can do to fix it, no matter how many times you’ve relentlessly combed over hundreds of solutions, playing them out in your head despite secretly knowing the answer. You don’t mourn the loss of the perfect world you wanted with Sooyoung and Joohyun, but instead, you embrace your new reality, accepting that you were fortunate enough to have grown up with Sooyoung, and the only thing you can hope for is that she’ll eventually be okay, just like you will be, as you allow her to walk away, one final time.

“Sooyoung,” You call, and when she looks back at you, a thousand unspoken words travel between you two, and for the second time in your life, you see her cry, tears pricking in your own eyes. “Good luck.”

Sooyoung bows her head at you with a soft grin, and for a moment, it’s only you and her, soaking in bittersweetness together, the past versions of yourselves swirling around you and you can practically hear your shared childish laughter in your ears before it fades, you and Sooyoung standing at the start of two divided paths, your grasps on each other slipping.

“You too,” She answers and the connection is severed as she glances between you and Joohyun one last time before continuing on, and with one final pang of your heart, you watch her fading form disappear into the crowd.

You turn to your girlfriend, your mouth upturned in a melancholic smile that you’re sure better resembles a grimace, and Joohyun reaches to you, her thumb gingerly brushing away the remaining teardrops on your cheek. “I��m proud of you,” She whispers, pulling you into a hug that slices through your resilient facade, and the sobs you’ve been holding in for weeks suddenly escape you, your body quivering in Joohyun’s firm grasp.

But each pained whimper that leaves your lips carries a portion of the immense weight you’ve been sustaining on your shoulders and lightens the pressure on your tired soul. It’s almost therapeutic, as all your compartmentalized emotions flow from you freely, dispersing into the air and by the time you let out your last cry, you feel anew.

“I’m sorry,” You laugh, embarrassed, into Joohyun’s shoulder, shifting to look her in the eye, and wiping the wetness from your face. “I didn’t mean to cry.”

Joohyun shakes her head, her arms remaining around your waist. “Don’t apologize for that Y/N,” She rests her forehead against yours as she chuckles softly and this time she reaches for your pinky. “I have one more promise for you.”

“Yeah?”

“Promise me you’ll never apologize for crying.”

You stare at Joohyun for a moment, savoring the presence of the person you love, and not for the first time, it occurs to you, that while Joohyun might be the most beautiful human you’ve ever seen, what makes her so enthralling to you isn’t her looks but her caring and delicate deposition, and while you adore her confidence, you know that hidden under it lies a gentle girl with a timid touch who wants to be cared for as much as she cares for you.

“Of course,” You say, and she doesn’t know it, but when you speak, you’re silently making her another promise, to always treasure her, and make sure she feels your adoration, a new determination to never let her go filling you, and suddenly the words you’ve wanted to say for so long are finally ready. “I love you,” You breathe out.

Joohyun beams, tightening her grip on you, and you yelp as she takes you by surprise, the older girl is shockingly strong as she lifts you into the air, twirling you for a brief second before placing you down, your body overwhelmed with affection. “I love you too” Joohyun murmurs, her expression pure bliss as she begins to repeatedly place feather-light kisses on random parts of your face, making you giggle.

She stops when she feels you reach to caress her cheek, and you watch her intently, her eyes practically glimmering while she leans into your hand with a soft sigh, and you can’t resist the urge to surge forward and press your lips against her, capturing them in such an intimate kiss that it makes you swoon, pouring all your love for her into it until you’re sure it’s tangible and you’re completely lost in everything that is her.

When you pull apart, Joohyun’s smile is wide, though you’re sure yours is wider, and you’re suddenly certain that loving Bae Joohyun is the easiest promise you’ve ever made.

#girl group scenarios #girl group imagines #red velvet x reader #irene x reader #red velvet scenario #red velvet imagines #red velvet #irene #irene imagines #irene scenarios #red velvet fluff #bae joohyun #bae joohyun x reader

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moostaronce · 2 years

Text

Subtly

Requested

Pairing: Kim Lip x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.1k

A/N: Hey! So sorry this took so long but here it is. I hope it’s to your satisfaction.

Tip Jar

“Come on Jungeun, please!” Jinsol’s plea carries throughout the dorm garnering the attention of their other roommates.

“If you ordered the food why do I have to go get it?” Jungeun whines back from the couch.

“Because you love me?” The older member smiled sheepishly at her own response.

Jungeun groans in annoyance but proceeds towards the door anyways to meet the poor delivery person waiting on the other side. When she opens the door she finds you double-checking the delivery address. The click of the door startles your attention towards her.

“Oh! Hi, order for Jeong Jinsol?” You look up from the receipt with a charming smile that has Jungeun a little surprised.

“Yes, that’s us. Sorry for keeping you waiting like that.” Jungeun accepts the bags of food from you, handing them to Jinsol who was lurking behind her even after refusing to answer the door herself.

“Here you go, thanks so much.” Jungeun nods at you one last time before you briefly thank her with a bow and set out down the apartment building stairs.

“She was nice,” Jinsol comments as she sets the bags on the kitchen counter.

“Who was nice?” Sooyoung comes into the kitchen immediately putting an arm around Jinsol.

“The delivery girl,” Jungeun speaks up while sifting through the bags to find her order, only for it to come up missing. She begins to grumble and groan before the doorbell rings. Sooyoung is the one to answer this time and proceeds to scare the crap out of everyone in earshot.

“What?!” The two girls come bounding into view to find you standing on the other side of the door being smothered into the body of your longtime childhood friend.

“Youngie, please! Can’t breathe.” You strain to wriggle out of her strong hold and finally, she lets you go.

“What are you doing here? How’d you figure out where I live?” Sooyoung is bouncing with excitement.

“ I didn’t weirdo. I just forgot to give you guys one of your bags. Here ya go.” You extend your hand to reveal the bag that had Jungeun’s missing order in it.

“Oh, thanks. Are you busy? Do you have time to catch up?” Your heart warms at the happiness you see all over your dear friend but you give her an apologetic smile.

“I actually have a few more deliveries but if your number is still the same we can plan something.” You pull your phone out and present her contact info to her.

Sooyoung shakes her head in disapproval and types in her newest personal number before she texts herself from your phone.

“Text me when you get off so we can plan something. Don’t forget either or I’ll haunt your dreams.” You can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of you at her antics.

“Yes ma’am!” You give her a mini salute before giving her a parting hug and waving at the blonde and brunette still standing in the background. With that, you turn on your heel and Sooyoung watches you descend the stairs until you disappear.

The eldest closes the door and turns around to face her girlfriend and best friend with a giddy smile on her face. Jinsol smiles back at her happiness and quirks an eyebrow while Jungeun just looks on confused.

“So that’s the Y/n you always mention from when you were a kid?” Jinsol inquires as her taller girlfriend walks into her waiting arms.

“Yes, I had no idea she came back to Korea! What are the odds that she works at the new shop around the corner?” She says practically bouncing off the walls.

“Should I be jealous or what?” Jinsol asks jokingly.

“Oh no trust me I’m not her type but if she’s seeing someone maybe she’ll be interested in going on a double date.”

The two continue talking while Jungeun gently slides the food bag out of her older friend’s grasp to take it into the kitchen. She pulls out her food and transfers about half of it onto a plate before calling to the rest of the dorm and her other three roommates make their appearance. Haseul, Jiwoo, and Kahei all enter the room excitedly.

“I texted the others to come over so they should be here soon.” Not even a full five seconds later the door opens to reveal Hyeju leading their other friends inside, making a B-line for the kitchen where Jungeun is poring over the orders and organizing them by person.

The twelve girls gathered in the living room, pushing the coffee table out of the way so they could all sit in a circle on the floor to eat their dinner together, as is tradition on Sunday nights before their classes resume the next day. This time though you are the topic of discussion. Sooyoung tells everyone of your brief reunion and answers excited questions about you as a person and her experiences with you as a kid.

Jungeun doesn’t ask but listens intently to the conversation. The more she hears the more interesting she finds you and when she pictures you in her mind, the image reminds her that she did indeed think you were cute.

When Sooyoung finally gets your text while they are wrapping up dinner, she screams about how you actually enrolled as a transfer to their college as an art major. Apparently, you truly hadn’t been back in town that long.

The following day Jungeun finds herself waiting for you outside Main Hall with Sooyoung, Jinsol, and Jiwoo who was adamant about meeting you after hearing Sooyoung talk you up. Even if she looked as if she’d rather be elsewhere Jungeun was curious. Honestly, she wanted to see you outside of your work get up for scientific purposes.

You spot your friend and her entourage as you approach the great doors of The Main Hall. Jungeun is the first to spot you and immediately takes you in. You’re in black jeans, and a simple sweater vest but you look great to her. The way you beam at them makes her heart race and even if it’s for the group she pretends it’s just for her.

“Hey Youngie, Youngie’s friends.” You stand at a small distance and wave once to the entirety of the group. Sooyoung leaps into your arms wrapping you in a strong hug. Then turns to the others with an arm around you.

“Guys this is my best friend Y/n! Y/n this is my girlfriend Jinsol, and our close friends Jiwoo, and Jungeun.”

When Sooyoung points to Jungeun and says her name she just looks on at you blankly with a small wave. You tilt your head at her with squinted eyes before you seem to recognize her.

“Oh hey, you answered the door last night when I came with the food. Nice to meet you all formally.” This time that bright smile of yours is actually for Jungeun. She tries to keep a straight face but winds up smiling right back. The brunette bows to you in return with not much else passing between you two.

You turn your attention away to greet the other two girls you’ve yet to really speak to and strike up a friendly conversation. By the time Jungeun has to head to class, it turns out that your schedules are almost exactly the same due to being in the same major. Putting it simply she doesn’t mind when you link arms with her to be led to your first class of the day.

She knows you’re trouble from the moment that you enter the class and she lets you go. It’s clear you don’t like to ask for help even when you need it. Jungeun watches you in amusement when you reach up on your toes to grab something on the supply wall and struggle until you huff and just decide you don’t need it. Jungeun waits a bit but sees you clearly did need it so she grabs it for you and places it at your workstation without a word.

When you see her put the thicker brushes in front of you, you turn to thank her but she doesn’t even look your way. Later in the day, she hears you talking about how badly you wanted something out of the vending machine but you left your wallet at home. Jungeun wanders off mid-conversation with your friends and brings back the exact snack you wanted like nothing ever happened. Yet she’s completely caught off guard when you lean over and kiss her on the cheek leaving her red in the face.

This continued over time to the point that Sooyoung could see everything clearly. For 3 months she’s watched Jungeun confuse the hell out of you. Every day after you pretended she didn’t exist all while doing little things for you but never acknowledging it. You went to Sooyoung days after reuniting and told her about your crush on Jungeun but Jungeun refused to admit her own crush to anyone. That is until today at a café off campus.

Jungeun sits across from both Sooyoung and Jinsol with a red face and ears to match. She invited the couple out to ask them something but they’d all been sitting together for half an hour and Jungeun has yet to actually say what she wanted to.

“Sooo, are we just going to stare at each other over danish and coffee or are you going to spill the beans?” Jinsol asks playfully leaning forward in her seat.

“Um, so I had something to tell you guys that may or may not have something to do with Y/n.” The couple smirks at her as she avoids eye contact from across the table.

“Go on.” Sooyoung grins, leaning her head against her hand.

“I um… I may or may not have a very small crush on her and I was kind of hoping you guys would help.” Her gaze never meets her friends who listened to her with wholesome smiles.

“Why us?” Jinsol asks.

“You’re just the healthiest relationship I know of and Sooyoung, you know her really well. I figure if anyone can tell me what my chances are then it would be you.”

“Look, I’ve got your back. Why don’t you just invite her here for coffee? I promise you she won’t say no.” Sooyoung’s smile is soft and encouraging. It really does give Jungeun hope.

She makes up her mind right then and there. Jungeun gets up after excusing herself to prepare herself to confess to you the next day. She gets up the next morning with a new kind of determination.

You’re walking up to the library first thing in the morning to get ahead of your studying when you feel a hand on your shoulder. The smile on your face was actually really calming to her and she gave you a big smile back.

“Hey, Y/n.” She lets you go and steps back to give you some space.

“Jungeun! What’s up?” You step back into her space and hold her hand as you smile at her like literal sunshine. Your heart warms up at the feel of Jungeun’s hands going clammy on your own.

“Would you um… do you want to grab coffee together at the café across the street? It’s okay if you don’t I just figured I’d ask.”

You watch her face progressively get redder the longer you take to respond. The look of surprise on her face when you kiss her cheek with a nod is worth all the money in the world as far as you’re concerned. At that moment Jungeun feels so high that she hardly notices you fortifying your hold on her hand and walking you both the other way.

“W-Where are we going?” Jungeun stutters to life.

“The café silly.” You don’t even glance at her as you say it like it’s the most obvious thing ever.

“Now?” Her shocked voice brings your beautiful laugh out.

“Yes, right now.”

On the way, you both run into Sooyoung and Je way. They go to greet you both but can’t get a word in as you put a quieting finger up and continue dragging a flustered Jungeun with you.

“No time. We’re on a date.” You say dismissively. Failing to see 3 pairs of bulging eyes staring at you.

“A date!?” The girls' screech as Jungeun finally tugs you to a stop.

“This is a date?” Jungeun searches your eyes for something.

“Was it not supposed to be? Cause if not this is incredibly embarrassing.”

“No no, this is most definitely a date.” She rushes it out like she’s afraid that you’ll change your mind and now Jungeun is the one dragging you along to the café.

#Girl group scenarios #Loona scenarios #Kim Lip scenarios #tsundere #fluff #Kim Lip x fem!reader #MooStarOnce

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justalonelybitch · 2 years

Note

hiii i was wondering if you could do a fluffy heejin x fem! reader where heejin wants to introduce the reader to the rest of the loona members? 🍓

It was a little rushed, but I hope it's still somewhat enjoyable!

Meet The Family

Heejin x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Anxiousness, Doubts,

Word Count: 1.38k

Buy me a coffee :)

Your shoulders were tense as you trailed behind Heejin, nervously running your hands through your hair. Sinking your teeth into your bottom lip you reached out to slip your hand into your girlfriend, pulling her back before she could enter the building. She turned to you, smiling brightly as she tilted her head inquisitively. “Are you sure about this?” You said, voice quiet as you began to second guess the idea of meeting her members for the first time.

“I mean, what if they don’t like me? Maybe we should just go,” you began to ramble endlessly, nerves taking over. Heejin watched you with a fond gaze, squeezing your hand in hopes of bringing you back to reality. “You’ll be fine, jagiya,” she insisted, pulling you into the building, ignoring your protests. “I’m sure they’ll love you, I mean you managed to charm me after all.” You looked at her with raised eyebrows, huffing incredulously.

“Heejin, I literally spilled coffee on you when we first met!” You exclaimed, only to receive a smile in response. “I know, but then you took me on an apology coffee date after,” she smiled brightly at you, the elevator dinging. “Only because I felt bad and you suggested it as a way to make up for your stained shirt.” You recalled your first date with her, making your girlfriend hum. “And aren’t you glad I did?” She swiftly changed the topic, to which you shot her a pointed glare.

“Too late, we're here anyways,” Heejin beamed. Much to your surprise, you found yourself being tugged inside her dorm, not even realising you’d followed her all the way there. The first thing you noticed being the overwhelming amount of noise coming from every direction, shouts resounding around the apartment. You jumped back in shock as someone zipped past you at the speed of light, screaming bloody Mary as another body followed closely behind.

You looked at your girlfriend like a deer in headlights, met with her sheepish smile as she shrugged her shoulders. You stood frozen in the doorway, Heejin by your side as chaos ensued all around you. The sound of a gunshot making you flinch as your eyes landed on the source, a TV in what you assumed was the lounge. “I win!” A blonde who you recognised as Jungeun yelled out, throwing her arms up in celebration. “No you didn’t, you died unnie,” a dark haired girl deadpanned. ‘Hyejoo?’ You thought to yourself.

Eyes flickering briefly to the kitchen, you caught sight of a seemingly calmer and quieter girl. Her gaze was focused on the stove, shaking her head in amusement at the others while brushing a stray strand of pink from her face. “Hey Heejin, who’s your friend?” Yet another blonde came into your line of sight, a greasy grin on her lips. “This is Y/n, and Y/n, this is Jinsoul unnie,” your girlfriend introduced. You gave a tight lipped smile to the older girl, bowling respectfully.

“She’s pretty Heejin-ah,” a tall brunette lingered behind Jinsoul, sending you a wink. “She has a name Sooyoung,” another girl popped out of thin air, pushing the older two away. “Sorry about them, they don’t get out much. I’m Haseul, nice to finally meet you,” she spoke elegantly, ignoring the complaints from behind her as she sent you a warm smile. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to the others,” your girlfriend dragged you further into the dorms.

A high-pitched squeal caught you off guard as a hand wrapped around your torso in a tight hug. “You must be Y/n!!!” She shouted in your ear, although surprised, you found her welcoming actions calming. “Let the poor girl breathe Jiwoo unnie,” a crunchy voice spoke, the older reluctantly releasing her iron grip on you with one final squeeze. “I’m Chaewon, and this is Yerim,” she pointed to the purple haired girl who was jumping around excitedly.

“I’ve heard so much about you!” Yerim exclaimed, giving you a quicker hug in comparison to Jiwoo. “Yeah, we were starting to wonder if you were real or not,” a dark haired girl chimed in, earning a scowl from Heejin. “Hyunjin or Aeong,” she introduced, suddenly meowing like a cat. You looked at your girlfriend in confusion, but she only shrugged her shoulders. Looking back at the cat-like girl you smiled in amusement, taking a liking to her somehow charming strangeness.

“Come meet Kahei unnie,” Heejin stared at you away from Hyunjin, unsure of how to explain the meowing. Entering the kitchen, you noticed the familiar pink haired girl from earlier, a smaller girl now standing by her side. “Is this your girlfriend?” The older girl asked, a soft smile gracing her lips. “Hello, I’m Y/n,” you bowed, waving shyly at the two new faces. “No need for formalities, you’re part of the family now,” Kahei approved of your relationship.

“Hi,” the younger girl waved, instantly striking up conversation. “I’m Yeojin by the way, I’m sure we’ll be good friends.” She stated confidently, to which you nodded, already feeling comfortable in her presence. “Last stop, Hyejoo and Jungeun unnie,” Heejin linked her arm with yours as you headed for the lounge trying to get through everyone as fast as possible.

You cowered at the harsh gazes that burned holes in your head, using your girlfriend’s body as a shield. “Guys this is my girlfriend Y/n,” Heejin announced nonchalantly, although you could tell she was just putting up a confident front. When in reality she was shaking with fear, desperate to gain the approval of all her members, knowing that the two resting lazily on the couch would be hardest to win over.

“What are your motives?” Jungeun asked with raised brow, leaning forward inquisitively. Your eyes widened slightly at the question, wanting to prove yourself to them, but the intimidating stares were sending you into a spiral of panic.“I-I uh, I just really care-” You were cut off by a loud burst of laughter, confusion flooding your thoughts as you looked at Jungeun curiously. “I’m just messing with you, she's cute Heejin,” she said. Still unsure of the current situation you turned to your girlfriend, seeing her sigh in relief at the acceptance of your relationship.

“If you hurt her I will break you,” Hyejoo threatened with a smirk, still not having quite warmed up to you.You audibly gulped at her statement, blinking rapidly, you felt Heejin’s hand slip into yours. She rubbed soothing circles on your knuckles, pulling you down onto the couch. You shuffled away from Hyejoo anxiously, not wanting to find out what she was capable of, the death stare she was giving you was enough to scare you off. Jungeun chuckled, smacking the younger girl on the shoulder, rolling her eyes at the bizarre antics of her member.

“How did you manage to get yourself such a pretty one?” Sooyoung pestered Heejin, talking about you as if you weren’t right beside her. Your girlfriend looked at you, grinning toothily as she reminisced about your fateful meeting for the second time that day. “I just got lucky,” she responded, a blush coating your cheeks. Heejin was far too entranced by you to even hear the scoff that slipped past Sooyoung’s lips or the teasing that came from Jinsoul and Chaewon.

You found yourself being swept into their world of chaos, a smile tugging on Heejin’s lips as she watched Yerim and Yeojin drag you to play some game with them. Jiwoo follows closely behind, asking you questions at lightning speed as she lets her interest in you take over. Haseul yelled at her from a distance, warning her not to scare you off before they even got to know you. You gazed over your shoulder for a brief moment, catching your girlfriend staring, you sent her a joyful smile. She mirrored your expression, heart filled with happiness at the sight of you interacting with her members.

“She fits in well,” Haseul said fondly, slipping into the seat beside Heejin. “You think so?” Your girlfriend asked hopefully. “Definitely, I’m glad you’re happy Heejin-ah,” the leader smiled. “Thanks unnie,” she mumbled, all her fears about them not supporting the relationship disappearing at Haseul’s comforting words. “But you should probably go save her from the hyper children before anything happens.”

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sevlgi · 2 years

Text

where you left me

requested: no

group: red velvet

pairing: irene x fem!reader

genre: angst, fluff at the end

contents: disbandment!au, mostly canon!au, 6th member!y/n, EMOTIONS, kind dof hurt and comfort, not established relationship

warnings: none

synopsis: Joohyun doesn’t really know what to expect when her well-loved career as a Red Velvet member comes to an end. But you leaving her behind just makes it a hundred times worse.

a/n: this is inspired by taylor swift’s “right where you left me”! just a disclaimer, the actions of the members in this fic are just what I thought of, they don’t represent their real personalities in any way.

word count: 4.4k

Joohyun first started theorizing about disbanding on that one afternoon in October. It feels like forever ago now, but she remembers sitting in her living room, legs curled underneath her and her phone turned face down to avoid all the notifications that kept lighting the screen up.

She had twirled a finger around the edge of her glass of water mindlessly until the crystal smudged into blurry gray, thinking about what would happen if she caused Red Velvet to disband.

“Sooyoung will be an actress, of course,” she said to no one in particular. “Seungwan... she’ll keep singing. Once she recovers.”

Joohyun’s eyes wandered to the picture framed on her wall of the six of you. “Seulgi might go solo of the company allows her to. Yerim could act if she wanted, but she’s young. She can do anything she wants. And Y/N...”

Her mind blanked then, as she stared at the bright smile in that picture. She didn’t quite know what you’d do if the group was gone; you had always been the one insistent on keeping the six of you together, despite not being the leader or the oldest or anything close. Joohyun admitted, only to herself, “I don’t know. I don’t know what you’ll do if it’s my fault, Y/N.”

By now, Joohyun has stopped theorizing. She doesn’t need to-- on a sunny day in April, Yerim is the first to tell everyone that she’s officially dissolved her contract to SM. Sooyoung hugs her and then admits that she’s been thinking of doing the same; Seungwan and Seulgi tear up and smother their baby in kisses and assurances that they’ll love her all the same. Joohyun is blank, and Yerim watches her carefully for a reaction. But the leader only nods and kisses her cheek, saying softly, “I don’t blame you.”

It wasn’t Joohyun’s fault after all. Maybe you’d be able to blame someone if it was, but you could never blame Yerim and her tearful apologies for letting go. If possible, your reaction is even more unremarkable than Joohyun, nodding calmly as Yerim holds your limp hands in hers. “I wish you the best,” you say, and that’s what makes Yerim break.

Seulgi, surprisingly, is the next. With the disappearance of your center, there’s really no question of what the fate of Red Velvet is; while Seungwan chooses to entrust her solo career to SM, the rest of you all dissolve your contracts.

Joohyun is the only one you apologize to. You hold her face in your hands, biting your lips and staring at her with the same shimmering eyes that she could never resist. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she says, rehearsed and stiff. Joohyun pats your hands so that you let go, and reaches for the pen to sign off her own career.

She’s not as young as the rest of you, and her reputation is never going to be how it used to be. Sure, there are Reveluvs who will always love her, and there are enough companies that like her face enough to accept her despite her history, but Joohyun can’t see anything past her nose.

You’re the last to go, still staring at her until Seulgi mutters that it’s time to go.

Joohyun waves weakly and watches your backs blur in the haze of her own tears. It’s over. For real this time.

As it turns out, most of her theories are right. Sooyoung accepts a few acting gigs almost immediately, just short roles to keep her occupied while she searches for her next blockbuster. Seungwan starts preparing for her next album immediately (Joohyun only knows because she posts it on her social media) and Seulgi finds a new company in a matter of a few days. Yerim goes on vacation first, and invites Joohyun to come to Jeju with her-- the older woman declines.

But you-- you disappear off the face of the earth after a few meaningless messages, invitations to have some soju or questions about your members’ lives. Joohyun realizes the loss of you first, and messages the group chat for the first time in a while to ask.

Bae Joohyun [7/2 5:11 p.m.] Has anyone talked to Y/N recently?

Son Seungwan [7/3 9:43 a.m.] no, i don’t think so

Park Sooyoung [7/4 10:05 a.m.] ^

Son Seungwan [7/4 10:08 a.m.] unnie, you were always closest to her

Kang Seulgi [7/4 11:55 a.m.] ahh I haven’t :/

Bae Joohyun [7/4 11:57 a.m.] OK.

seen by Kim Yerim

Joohyun hesitates to call you; you’ve never been one to pick up quickly, nor do you really call back. She doesn’t want to seem too worried either, for fear of making you text her out of pure guilt; so she settles for a few short sentences.

Joohyun [8/4 8:00 p.m.] Text me if you want to get beef sometime.

delivered ✓

And she sets her phone down, searches through cable for something decent to watch. If she isn’t careful, she knows her life is going to completely fall apart-- and that’s the last thing she wants you to come back to witness.

Sooyoung at least invites her members to her birthday party, but it’s big enough of a gathering that Joohyun knows it was only courtesy. She puts on makeup for the first time in a long time, sighing in frustration when she realizes that most of the things left over from her idol life are expired.

Jennie greets her happily enough that Joohyun feels a pang of guilt for not really reaching out. “Unnie! Good to see you!”

“You too, Jennie-yah. You look good.”

The younger smiles brightly and passes a can of sparkling wine from Sooyoung’s last campaign. Blackpink disbanded about a year before Red Velvet, and Joohyun marvels at how close the members stayed despite moving to all different countries. “Thank you! I think LA has done me wonders. You should visit.”

Joohyun smiles at that, at least. “I should. It sounds fun, your career. From what I see.”

Jennie shrugs, “It’s all right. It’s not much different from before we disbanded, though. You remember.”

That much is true, Joohyun concedes. Blackpink had almost no activities as a group by the time that their contracts were up, and their relationships were strained. Judging by their Instagrams, the distance has only made their hearts grow fonder-- something Joohyun can’t relate to. “Yeah. How-- how are the others?” the older woman asks by way of courtesy.

“Oh, they’re doing well! Sad that they couldn’t come, obviously, but I’m the only one who wanted to fly all the way in. Rosie’s in New York right now, and Lisa’s in the middle of filming for some competition show-- I don’t even remember. Jisoo is in China. How are your members?” Jennie questions.

She doesn’t mean anything by it, but Joohyun’s heart stings just a little at how distanced she is. She gestures vaguely at the closely packed partygoers and says, “I don’t really know. They-- they’re probably here.”

“Oh, unnie.” Jennie pulls her into a hug that smells like champagne and perfume, glossy hair tickling Joohyun’s chin and sparkly dress scratching her skin. Still, Jennie is comforting, and Joohyun makes a note to put more effort into all the things she’s neglected. “Really, I’ll book you a ticket to fly back with me. You’ll feel better, I promise.”

“I’ll think about it.” Joohyun swallows thickly as she’s let go, and lifts the gift in her hand. “I’ll, um, drop this off. And I’ll come find you later.”

“Sure,” Jennie smiles, waving. There’s no shortage of former idols at the party-- Joohyun wonders at how Sooyoung even knows Eunkwang from BTOB-- and she never stops bowing throughout her journey to the gifts table.

“Unnie! You came!”

She doesn’t even get to see Seulgi’s face as she’s pulled into a tight, tight hug. “I did,” Joohyun smiles in relief. “How- how have you been?”

“I’m good! I’m finally ready to do a solo album, so I’m recording,” Seulgi explains with a grin. Her hair is bleached now, and short, Joohyun realizes; she looks so different. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, I suppose,” Joohyun shrugs. She bites her lip at the thought of a time when none of them had to make awkward small talk like this, a time when they’d all known each other as well as the backs of their hands. There was never any “how are you”s when they knew perfectly well what was happening in each other’s lives-- now, they’re almost strangers, even stiffer than she had been with Jennie.

“Have you seen the others yet?” the blonde asks. “I’m trying to get all six of us into one picture. A reunion, you know. The fans will go crazy.”

“Ah. Yeah. I’m pretty sure Y/N isn’t coming.”

Seulgi slumps. “That’s a shame. I guess five is better than none,” she sighs, grabbing onto Joohyun’s hand. “Yerim!” she shouts, surprising most of the others around, and Joohyun allows herself a small smile.

It’s the same as it always was, and yet not at all, as Yerim turns her head. “Hi, unnies,” she smiles. Miraculously, Sooyoung is by her side, sweet voice carrying across the room as she laughs with Hayoung. “Where’s Seungwan?” Seulgi continues. “I wanna get a picture with five of us.”

“Five? Is Y/N not coming?” Yerim frowns.

Sooyoung sighs, “She hasn’t responded to texts for weeks. I didn’t even invite her. Unless any of you all did?”

They all shake their heads, the awkward silence only interrupted by Seungwan slinging an arm over Yerim’s shoulder. “Hi,” she grins. “Picture, right?”

“Right,” Joohyun finally says, drawing everyone’s eyes toward her. She extends her phone to Hayoung and asks, “Could you take our picture?”

“Yeah!” the Apink member smiles. They stand in the formation that they’re so used to-- Joohyun in the middle as the leader, Sooyoung and Seulgi to her right and Yerim and Seungwan to her left. Sooyoung has to scoot in a bit, after realizing that the usual spot occupied by you and your silly bunny ears is empty. “One, two!”

Joohyun ends up taking more than a hundred pictures that night, with more people than she can count, but as she scrolls through her camera roll for the ones she wants to post, the only picture that causes her nose to sting is the one with almost all of her family there.

She selects it, then hesitates. It feels wrong for most, not all of them to be together-- so she tags you anyway, directing the arrow to the narrow spot between her and Sooyoung.

Foolishly, Joohyun hopes you see it.

Kang Seulgi [10/3 6:41 a.m.] unnie!!

Kang Seulgi [10/3 6:41 a.m.] do you want to be on one of the tracks for my album? :3

Joohyun blinks at her phone in disbelief. It feels unreal that Seulgi has messaged her at all, much less about featuring her on a track-- their last messages were almost a month ago, sharing all the pictures taken at Sooyoung’s birthday party.

Before she can think better of it, she messages back.

Bae Joohyun [10/3 6:47 a.m.] That sounds good, did your company approve it?

Kang Seulgi [10/3 6:48 a.m.] they came up with it! I’m under GOT7′s company, remember?

Kang Seulgi [10/3 6:48 a.m.] i wanted all of us, but soo has no interest in singing again and SM doesn’t want wannie to do random collabs

Kang Seulgi [10/3 6:49 a.m.] can you stop by the company anytime today?

Bae Joohyun [10/3 6:51 a.m.] Sure. I’ll be by at 9 with some coffee?

Kang Seulgi [10/3 6:52 a.m.] love that!!

Kang Seulgi [10/3 6:53 a.m.] also can we change our contact names in kakao?? feels wrong to be so formal LOL

Joohyun’s heart warms.

“Unnie!”

Seulgi’s hair is red now as she springs onto Joohyun, careful not to knock the coffees in her hand over. “I’m so glad you said yes!”

“How could I not?” Joohyun pats Seulgi’s back gently and smiles softly, handing her the drink she remembers the younger drinking the most back in their idol days. “Is there already a track? Ah, is this a B-side?”

“Well, it was supposed to be the title track.” Surprised, Joohyun raises her eyebrows. Seulgi smiles, “I wanted to do a collaboration of some kind, and I thought the track they gave me for our collab was the best one.”

“Oh. Can I hear it?”

They sit, Seulgi pulling out her phone and scrolling through her texts with a producer as she hums under her breath. Joohyun notices all the plaques on the wall, more than one acquitted to Seulgi herself. “You’ve been busy.”

“Hm? Oh, I guess I have. Here’s the song.”

Joohyun sits back and lets herself listen; it sounds remarkably like a song they would’ve done together way back when, and Joohyun can almost imagine your voice replacing that of the producer’s. “It’s good,” she smiles softly before Seulgi has a chance to ask. “Really good.”

“Thank you! Yerim helped me produce it,” Seulgi announces proudly.

And just like that, Joohyun’s heart breaks a little again. “Have... you guys been in contact?”

“A bit, more so now. I talk more to Seungwannie, though. I wish I talked to you and Y/N more, but...”

“Y/N’s not here.” The red-haired woman nods and returns to her phone, but Joohyun can’t stop herself from mumbling, “But I am.”

“I know, unnie, it’s just...”

Joohyun raises her eyebrow. “What?”

Seulgi winces. “You don’t seem like you’ve moved on. From Y/N, or from us. And we all felt like it would’ve been hurting you more to reach out again.”

“What do you mean, from Y/N?”

“I think you know. I... I hope it doesn’t change your decision on the collaboration?” Seulgi says softly.

As much as her heart feel like it’s been ripped out and shattered, Joohyun knows she could never stand to do the same to Seulgi, to the girl who was always her closest friend in the group (besides you). “It doesn’t,” she answers, squeezing the other’s hand.

The recording studio feels wrong, the producer feels wrong, sitting alone on the couch and watching Seulgi record feels wrong-- but Joohyun reminds herself that she has to move on, from you and from Red Velvet.

Whatever that means.

Joohyun’s visit to Jennie turns out as a cameo in her Youtube channel; combined with her recent collab with Seulgi, her popularity shoots up again. Her offers go nowhere, though, with no manager to act as an in-between with every company that suddenly wants her face again. Seungwan reposts the Youtube video with a few fire emojis, and Sooyoung uses the song in a tiktok with Yerim.

You’re the only one who’s still nowhere to be seen, your Instagram account inactive since the last day. But Joohyun sees you everywhere, and she misses you more than she could ever think.

Staying with Jennie is so much more freeing than she imagined; Joohyun finally lets herself cry one day, and she feels warm hands supporting her and cupping her face for the first time in so long that just the thought of it makes her want to sob again.

She’s just as peaceful in LA as she was in Seoul-- maybe more so, knowing that the chance of someone recognizing her is so much lower. Joohyun tags along to Jennie’s gigs when she feels like it and stays home when she doesn’t, has the option of talking when she wants to and staying silent when she doesn’t.

“You should move here,” Jennie voices one day over brunch. “It’s really nice having you here.”

“I like being here,” Joohyun replies, and surprises herself by meaning it. “I don’t think I could survive without you translating for me, though.”

Jennie rolls her eyes playfully, opening up her phone to check a text. But her eyes widen, and the french toast between her lips slips out onto her plate. Joohyun frowns, amused. “What?”

“You won’t guess who just posted,” the younger girl says, eyes wide.

Well, Joohyun doesn’t have to guess-- Jennie turns her phone around so that she can see the screen. And there your username is, right below a singular selfie of you smiling behind a mask, peace sign up.

y/n_velvet Back in Seoul!

Joohyun taps her fingers impatiently on the arm of her couch as she stares at her phone, just waiting for the long awaited text from you to pop up. Just a few minutes ago, you finally read her message from all those months ago-- she knows you’re in Korea, and it’s only a matter of time before you find her.

Unless... maybe you’re like the others. Maybe, unless you need something from her, you won’t look for her again-- maybe, in the almost-year that you’ve been gone, you’ve found someone better than Joohyun to occupy your time.

She shakes her head, pushing her fingertips into her temples. She’d stayed awake for the entire flight from LA to Seoul out of anxiety, and Joohyun’s suffering from the jetlag now.

She jumps at the sound of knocking at her door, and pads over to the peephole. At the sight of a familiar beanie, her heart leaps into her throat, and she opens the door.

Immediately, Joohyun’s met with cold hands on her jawline and a soft, soft kiss that tastes like sticky lip gloss and coffee. She blinks as you pull apart-- you always kissed her after returning to her after a long time away, and this time shouldn’t be different. But it’s been a long eleven months, and you obviously note it too. “I’m sorry. Should I not have done that?” you ask quietly.

Joohyun shakes the weird feeling in her stomach off. “No,” she whispers, then clears her throat and steps aside to let you in. Her face is hot, and she hopes that it doesn’t show. “No. I... how long have you been back?”

“A few days. Probably not much longer than you,” you answer, trailing into her apartment. You’re not very made-up, which makes Joohyun feel just a bit better in her state of no-makeup and slightly-greasy-hair. “How was LA?”

She hates that you’re acting like you were away for just a few days, or like absolutely nothing has happened, but Joohyun doesn’t have the courage to do anything but play along. “Nice. Really great, actually. I filmed a few videos with Jennie, and went to a blockbuster premier. It’s... a lot more than I’ve done in the past year or so.”

You nod. “I noticed you didn’t really post.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t post at all. Not even on your personal instagram,” Joohyun huffs out. She takes the far left of the couch to put a few feet between the two of you-- it still feels weird to be next to you again, after only being able to see your face in old pictures for almost a year. “I... do the others know you’re back?”

“If they saw my post,” you shrug. “I still haven’t texted anyone.”

And for some stupid reason, that makes Joohyun feel special again. “Ah,” is the only thing she says, rubbing the back of her neck and curling her knees up to her chest, almost protectively. “How have you been? Were you okay? Where were you?”

You wince at the questions, and seem to choose the easiest one to answer in your head. “Well, I went to visit my family first. And then I went backpacking in Canada for a bit, and then toured a few cities in America. I went to Europe, China...”

“Just anywhere but here,” Joohyun finishes for you. “Anywhere but home.”

“I’m sorry,” you say for the first time, staring dead ahead. “I know you were worried.”

“Worried? Y/N, I almost went crazy thinking about you,” the other says incredulously. She scoots a bit closer to you, laying her hand over yours once she realizes your knees are bouncing incessantly. “I... I was alone. I didn’t expect the others to leave, but I really really thought I’d always have you with me.”

“I know. I just... it was hard,” you say, lamely. “I had to get away, you know? I couldn’t just watch everyone move on without me.”

Joohyun sighs. “I didn’t. Y/N, I didn’t do anything for months, I only waited for you. It took Jennie so long to convince me to leave, and I didn’t even want to do that song with Seulgi. I’m your leader. You could have told me anything. You still can.”

You purse your lips, and admit, “I wanted to talk to you. I did. But I could only think about how disappointed you had to have been. I couldn’t handle it.”

The both of you are silent for a minute after that. Joohyun doesn’t quite know what to say-- after all, she wasn’t exactly forthcoming with the other four members of your group, and there isn’t much of a relationship left to salvage, even after over a decade together. She couldn’t talk to them because of you, and you couldn’t talk to them because of her-- it’s a neverending loop, in which it can’t really be anyone’s fault.

“We should talk to them,” you suggest, surprising Joohyun. “I have to apologize.”

“You do,” she agrees, squeezing your hand. “And so do I. And then...”

“And then?”

“We can work on us. If there ever was an us.”

You smile and raise your clasped hands. “I’d like that. Joohyun.”

Yerim fidgets in her seat, playing with the chain attached to her acrylic nails as she stares at anything but her members. Seungwan and Seulgi carry the conversation, as the only two who are still in contact-- Sooyoung isn’t even here yet, and Joohyun isn’t exactly sure what to say, as the most distanced one other than you.

“Joohyun unnie. Did you say Y/N’s coming later?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah,” Joohyun nods when Yerim finally asks her a question. “Anyone know when Sooyoung’s getting here?”

“Probably in about ten minutes,” Seungwan shrugs, checking her phone. “You know, I missed all of you.”

Seulgi smiles then. Her hair has been dyed back to black, and she looks a bit more like the girl Joohyun was familiar with. Looking around, the leader doesn’t think that anyone is who she remembers-- no, everyone’s a stranger to her. Everyone’s moved on but her-- despite the short interaction with Seulgi, this final interaction with you, Joohyun knows that she’s the only one who has stayed right where everyone left her. “I missed you too,” she answers.

The bell of the restaurant door rings, and you offer up a sad smile as you approach the table. You sit at Joohyun’s right, your hand sliding under hers, just like you always used to do. “Hi, everyone.”

“Y/N unnie,” Yerim breathes out, looking so sad that Joohyun wants nothing more than to hug her. “Hi.”

Sooyoung enters too, breathing in sharply at the sight of you before taking her seat. “Wow.”

“Everyone’s back together?” you smile weakly. “Um. I’m sorry for leaving. I’m... sorry for not even trying to reach out to you all. I’m sorry for everything.”

“I’m sorry,” Joohyun answers too. Her hands scrunch in the fabric of her dress. “For not trying harder. I’m sorry for pretending like you were the ones who left me behind when I was the one who refused to move on.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Seulgi says sadly, reaching across the table to squeeze Joohyun’s hands.

“All of us could have tried harder,” Sooyoung admits. “I mean, some of us didn’t try at all. That’s our fault.”

You all sit like that for maybe a minute or two, just stewing in the fact that you’re all back together again, for what is first time in the longest time in your lives since you first met.

Talk doesn’t come easily-- it isn’t like how it used to be, and there’s still tensions in the way that you all speak to each other. There’s unresolved guilt, lingering blame-- but there’s also a new sense of wanting to try, of knowing that none of you are going to let it happen again.

“Joohyun. Can I come back to your place first?”

Yerim hesitates after hearing your voice, but turns around to her cab, leaving you and Joohyun alone. The older woman nods and takes your hand to lead you to her car; you laugh softly and mumble, “You can drive now. We always used to say we’d get our licenses together.”

Joohyun huffs out a small breath. “Yeah, well, that didn’t seem like it was going to happen anytime soon.”

“Mm. You know, I thought about you every day I was gone,” you say softly. “The more than I talk to you now, the more I’m convinced that leaving was the wrong decision.”

Glancing over at you, Joohyun questions, “Did it help? Staying away? Because the moment I stepped foot in LA, I felt so much better. I just... needed to be away. We all did. I understand if you needed to be away for longer than the rest of us.”

“It did help,” you agree. “But I didn’t have to be away alone. I didn’t have to hurt you.”

“That’s true. But you’re back, and we can all work towards forgiving you slowly,” Joohyun tells you.

“I should have told you. That I love you, I mean,” you sigh. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same anymore. I know you did once.”

It’s true-- Joohyun always knew that she always loved you, and that you loved her, even if you could never put a label on things due to your contract. The kisses sneaked in the van amidst the manager’s yelling, the vacations spent with each other, the soft smiles in the practice room-- the two of you knew, and that was enough.

It surprises her that even after so much time apart, she doesn’t feel any different. And Joohyun answers you, “I still do. I can’t deny that you hurt me, though, or that we need time to go back to how we used to be.”

“I know. But I love you, Joohyun. I always have, and I always will.”

You brush a kiss onto her free hand, and Joohyun lets herself smile. “I love you too. Forever.”

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