the love that had never been
pairing: best friend!jeno x fem! reader
word count: 5.1k
genres: angst, unrequited love, heartbreak
warnings: none
a/n: can you guys tell i love angst? like angst makes me so happy omg >.< hope you guys enjoy this small drabble :D
You're standing in the park, watching the leaves change color and fall to the ground. You feel a tap on your shoulder and turn around to see Jeno, your longtime friend, and crush, standing behind you.
"Hey, Y/N," he says, smiling at you with his famous eye smile. "What are you doing here?"
"Just taking a walk," you reply, trying to hide the flutter in your heart at the sight of him.
"Mind if I join you?" Jeno asks, nodding towards the path.
"Of course not," you say, trying to hide your excitement.
As you walk together, you chat about everything and nothing, enjoying each other's company. You feel your heart racing every time Jeno laughs at one of your jokes or brushes your arm accidentally.
As the sun begins to set and the sky turns pink and orange, Jeno turns to you and says, "You know, Y/N, I've been seeing someone lately."
Your heart sinks as you hear those words. You try to hide your disappointment, but you can feel the sadness and jealousy building up inside you.
"That's great, Jeno," you say, trying to sound happy for him.
"Yeah, she's really amazing," Jeno says, his eyes lighting up with excitement. "We have so much in common, and she's just so beautiful."
You try to keep a smile on your face, but inside you feel heartbroken. The idea of Jeno being with someone else, someone who's not you, feels like a stab in the chest.
As the two of you continue to walk, you feel a sense of distance between you. You try to hide your feelings, but it's hard to ignore the hurt you feel.
You know that this is the end of any chance of a romantic relationship between you and Jeno. But you also know that you'll never forget the way you feel about him, no matter how hard you try.
Nodding your head, you try to hold back your tears as you force yourself to ask more about Jeno's crush. "So, tell me more about her. What's she like?" you ask, hoping to distract yourself from your own feelings.
Jeno's face lights up as he begins to describe her in detail. "Well, her name is Sooyoung, and she's amazing. She's smart, funny, and kind. Plus, she's really, really beautiful,” Jeno gushes.
You listen to Jeno's words, feeling like each one is a dagger to your heart. It hurts to hear him talk so passionately about someone else, especially when you've been harboring feelings for him for so long.
You try to focus on the positive and tell yourself that at least Jeno is happy. But it's hard to push down the pain and the realization that the two of you will never be anything more than friends.
As the night falls and the stars come out, you and Jeno continue to walk in silence. You both know that the dynamic between you has shifted, and there's a sense of awkwardness that wasn't there before.
Finally, you stop and turn to face Jeno. "I'm happy for you, Jeno," you say, trying to sound genuine. "I hope things work out with Sooyoung."
"Thanks, Y/N," Jeno says, giving you a small smile. "I'm really lucky to have you as a friend. You're the best."
You force a smile and nod, knowing that the words "just friends" will always sting a little bit. But you also know that you'll always cherish your friendship with Jeno.
As you stand there, looking at Jeno, you feel a pang of regret in your chest. You had always harbored feelings for him, but you never had the courage to confess. And now, he had found someone else.
"Is everything okay, Y/N?" Jeno asks, noticing the change in your expression.
You take a deep breath, trying to compose yourself. "Yeah, everything's fine. I'm just happy for you, that's all."
Jeno looks at you intently, as if trying to read your thoughts. "You know, Y/N, you can always talk to me. You're my best friend, and I want to be there for you."
You feel a lump in your throat, and for a moment, you consider telling him the truth. But then you remember how much you value his friendship, and you don't want to risk losing that.
"No, it's okay," you say, forcing a smile.
"I'm just being silly. Let's go home."
Jeno nods, and the two of you continue walking in silence. As you walk, you can't help but wonder what could have been if you had been brave enough to confess your feelings. But then you shake your head, knowing that it's too late now.
When you finally reach your doorstep, Jeno gives you a hug. "Thanks for walking with me tonight, Y/N. You're the best."
You smile, feeling the warmth of his embrace. "Anytime, Jeno. Goodnight."
As you watch him walk away, you feel a sense of sadness wash over you. But you also know that you'll always cherish your friendship with Jeno, and you'll always be there for him, no matter what.
Just as Jeno is about to turn around and leave, he pauses and turns back to you.
"Hey Y/N, I just want to let you know that even though I'm with Sooyoung now, you'll always be my best friend," Jeno says, giving you a reassuring smile. "I know things are different now, but that doesn't mean our friendship will change. You'll always be important to me, and I hope you know that."
Tears start to well up in your eyes as you feel a sense of relief wash over you. "Thank you, Jeno. That means a lot to me," you say, feeling grateful for his words.
"I mean it," Jeno says, his smile widening. "I know we've been through a lot together, and I value our friendship more than anything. So don't worry about being replaced, because you won't be. You'll always have a special place in my heart."
You smile, feeling a sense of comfort and security in his words. "Thank you, Jeno. I'm really glad we're friends."
"Me too, Y/N," Jeno says, giving you another hug. "Now go get some rest, okay? We'll hang out again soon."
After Jeno leaves, you stand there for a moment, taking in his words. You feel a sense of relief knowing that he still values your friendship, but at the same time, you can't help but feel a sense of sadness.
You slowly make your way to your room, closing the door behind you. You sit on your bed and let out a deep sigh, feeling the weight of your emotions start to catch up to you.
Memories of your time with Jeno flood your mind - the laughter, the inside jokes, the shared moments of vulnerability. You remember all the times you wished for something more, but never had the courage to speak up.
Tears start to flow down your cheeks as you realize that things will never be the same again. You can't deny the fact that you still have feelings for Jeno, but at the same time, you know that you'll have to accept that he didn’t choose you.
You pull out your phone and scroll through your photos, looking at all the pictures of you and Jeno together. You come across a photo of the two of you sitting on a park bench, laughing at something silly. You can't help but smile at the memory, but at the same time, it breaks your heart.
As you sit there, lost in your thoughts and emotions, you realize that you need to take some time for yourself. You wipe away your tears and take a deep breath, reminding yourself that your friendship with Jeno is still important, even if it's not what you hoped for.
With that thought in mind, you slowly start to drift off to sleep, hoping that tomorrow will bring a renewed sense of hope and perspective.
——————
You try your best to put your emotions aside and focus on the present. You spend time with your other friends, trying to enjoy their company, and forget about Jeno for a little while.
But as you're walking through the park, you see something that makes your heart sink. You spot Jeno and Sooyoung walking hand in hand, their heads close together in conversation.
You try to look away, but your eyes keep darting back to them. You watch as they sit down on a bench, Sooyoung giggling at something Jeno says.
A pang of jealousy and sadness hits you hard, and you can't help but wonder what it would be like if it were you sitting there with Jeno instead.
You turn away and try to compose yourself, taking a deep breath and reminding yourself that you need to move on. But deep down, you know that it won't be easy.
As the day goes on, you try your best to distract yourself, but your mind keeps wandering back to Jeno and Sooyoung. You can't help but feel a sense of bitterness towards Sooyoung, even though you know it's not fair.
As the night falls, you find yourself once again lost in your thoughts. You wonder if Jeno and Sooyoung are still together, if they're happy, if Jeno still thinks of you as just a friend.
You pull out your phone and start scrolling through your messages, hoping to find some comfort in the conversations you've had with Jeno. But as you go through your messages, you realize that you haven't talked to him in a while.
You hesitate for a moment, wondering if you should reach out to him. But ultimately, you decide against it, knowing that it's not your place to interfere with his new relationship.
You let out a deep sigh and put your phone down, feeling a sense of sadness wash over you. You know that you need to accept the fact that things have changed between you and Jeno, but it's easier said than done.
——————
The next day, you decide to meet up with your friend Chenle for coffee. As you sit down with him at a cozy cafe, you can't help but feel a sense of comfort being around him.
"So, how are you doing?" Chenle asks, sensing that something is bothering you.
You hesitate for a moment before deciding to open up to him. "I saw Jeno and Sooyoung on a date yesterday," you admit, feeling a lump form in your throat.
Chenle's expression softens as he listens to you. "I'm sorry, Y/N. That must have been tough to see."
You nod, feeling grateful for his understanding. "I just...I don't know how to deal with these feelings," you say, feeling the weight of your emotions start to catch up to you.
Chenle places a comforting hand on your arm. "It's okay to feel what you're feeling. It's natural to be sad and jealous. But remember, Jeno still cares about you, even if it's not in the way you want him to."
You nod, taking in his words. "I know. It's just hard to see him with someone else."
Chenle gives you a sympathetic smile. "I understand. But try to focus on the good memories you've shared with him. Remember that he still values your friendship, and that's something special."
You take a deep breath and try to compose yourself. "Thanks, Chenle. You always know how to make me feel better."
As you leave the cafe and start walking back home, you feel a renewed sense of strength and perspective. You know that it won't be easy seeing Jeno and Sooyoung again, but you're determined to face it with grace and maturity.
And as luck would have it, you don't have to wait long. Just as you're turning the corner to your apartment, you spot Jeno and Sooyoung walking towards you, hand in hand.
Your heart sinks as you see Jeno and Sooyoung walking towards you. You try your best to remain calm and composed, not wanting to show any signs of weakness or jealousy.
"Hey, Y/N!" Jeno calls out, his face lighting up as he sees you.
"Hey, Jeno," you say, forcing a smile.
"Sooyoung, this is my friend Y/N," Jeno introduces you to her.
You force yourself to make eye contact with Sooyoung and give her a polite nod. "Nice to meet you," you say, trying to sound genuine.
Sooyoung gives you a small smile in return. "Likewise."
The three of you make small talk for a few minutes before Jeno and Sooyoung bid you farewell, continuing on their way. As you watch them walk away, hand in hand, you can't help but feel a twinge of sadness and jealousy.
But you also know that you need to move on and focus on your own life. You take a deep breath and remind yourself that your friendship with Jeno is still valuable, even if it's not the romantic relationship you may have hoped for.
As you walk back to your apartment, you take a moment to reflect on the conversation you had with Chenle. You realize that he was right - it's important to focus on the good memories you've shared with Jeno, and to cherish the friendship that you still have with him.
You decide to take his advice and make plans to hang out with Jeno as friends. As you text him to make plans, you can't help but feel a sense of nervousness and uncertainty. But at the same time, you know that it's important to face your fears and move forward.
As you're texting Jeno to make plans, he replies back with an apologetic tone.
"Hey, Y/N, I'm sorry but I won't be able to hang out this weekend. I have plans with Sooyoung," he texts.
You feel a pang of disappointment, but you try your best to hide it. "Oh, it's okay. Have fun with her!" you text back, trying to sound enthusiastic.
"Thanks, Y/N! Maybe we can hang out next weekend?" Jeno offers.
On one hand, you're happy that Jeno still wants to hang out with you as friends. On the other hand, it's hard to shake off the feeling of rejection and jealousy.
——————
As the next few days go by, you notice that Jeno has been busy with Sooyoung.
He forgets to reply to your messages and it's been a while since you last hung out. You try not to take it personally, but it's hard not to feel a sense of disappointment.
Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months. You and Jeno continue to drift apart, and you realize that your friendship isn't what it used to be. You see pictures of Jeno and Sooyoung on social media, and it's clear that they're happy together.
You try to be happy for them, but a part of you can't help but feel envious. You wonder what it would have been like if things had turned out differently, and if Jeno had chosen you instead of Sooyoung.
But deep down, you know that dwelling on the past won't do any good. You realize that it's time to let go and move on, even if it means accepting that your friendship with Jeno may never be the same.
One day, you run into Jeno unexpectedly at a coffee shop. You haven't seen him in a while, and it takes you by surprise.
"Hey, Jeno! Long time no see," you greet him, trying to sound friendly.
"Hey, Y/N," Jeno replies, looking a bit uncomfortable. "How have you been?"
"I've been good," you reply, smiling. "What about you? How's everything with Sooyoung?"
"It's been great, thanks for asking," Jeno says, but you can't help but notice that his tone sounds a bit distant.
You decide to confront him about it. "Hey, is everything okay?" you ask, sensing that something is off.
Jeno hesitates for a moment before finally speaking. "Look, Y/N, I'm sorry. I know I've been distant lately, but things with Sooyoung are really great and I just haven't had much time for anything else."
You feel a surge of anger and disappointment. "So that's it? You're just going to ignore our friendship because you have a girlfriend?" you snap, unable to hold back your frustration any longer.
Jeno looks taken aback by your sudden outburst. "No, it's not like that, Y/N. I just..."
"Just what, Jeno?" you interrupt, feeling hurt. "I thought we were friends, but it seems like you only care about your new relationship."
Jeno's expression softens as he takes a step closer to you. "Y/N, please don't say that. You know you mean a lot to me, and I would never intentionally hurt you."
You look away, feeling a mix of emotions. On one hand, you understand that Jeno has the right to pursue his own happiness. But on the other hand, you can't help feeling neglected and forgotten.
"I know you're happy with Sooyoung," you say finally, "but that doesn't mean you should forget about your other friends."
Jeno fidgets with his hands, not meeting your gaze. "I know I messed up, Y/N. I should have kept in touch with you. But things got really busy with work and my relationship with Sooyoung, and I just didn't have much time for anything else."
You cross your arms, feeling your anger flare up. "That's not an excuse, Jeno. You could have at least answered my texts or called me back."
"I know, and I'm sorry," Jeno says, finally looking up at you. "I didn't mean to ignore you, but I guess I just got caught up in everything else."
You take a deep breath, trying to keep your emotions in check. "I understand that you have a lot going on, but that doesn't mean you can just forget about your friends. You hurt me, Jeno. You ignored me for months and never bothered to check in."
"I know, and I feel terrible about it," Jeno says, looking genuinely contrite. "I promise I'll make it up to you. We can hang out more, catch up on everything that's been happening."
You shake your head, feeling skeptical. "It's not that simple, Jeno. You can't just brush off months of ignoring me and expect everything to go back to normal. I need to know that I matter to you."
Jeno nods, looking serious. "You do matter to me, Y/N. I'm sorry for what I did, and I'll do my best to make it right. Just tell me what you need from me."
You take a deep breath, feeling a sense of resolution. "I need you to be there for me, Jeno. To be a good friend and not disappear every time something else comes up."
“I can do that again, I swear.” He pleads.
As Jeno talks, you find yourself torn. On one hand, you're glad he's finally acknowledging his mistake and trying to make things right. But on the other hand, you're not sure if you're ready to forgive him just yet. You can't help but remember how hurt and neglected you felt when he ignored you for months, and how it made you question your friendship.
You listen to Jeno's words carefully, but your mind is still clouded with doubt. You're not even sure if you still like him the way you used to. Maybe things have changed too much between you, and it's too late to go back to the way things were.
"I appreciate you apologizing, Jeno," you say finally, "but I need some time to think about all of this. I'm not sure if I'm ready to forgive you just yet."
Jeno's expression changes as he hears your words. He had expected you to forgive him right away, and now he was beginning to feel frustrated.
"How much time do you need, Y/N?" he asks, his voice tinged with annoyance. "I apologized, what more do you want from me?"
You look at him, surprised by his sudden change in tone. "I just need some time to think, Jeno," you say calmly. "I can't just forgive you right away after everything that happened. I need to be sure that things won't go back to the way they were."
Jeno sighs, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration. "I just don't understand why you're still so angry with me. I've apologized, I've tried to make things right. What more do you want?"
You feel a surge of anger as Jeno expresses his frustration. You can't believe he has the audacity to be upset with you when he's the one who hurt you.
"I can't believe you're getting upset with me," you say, your voice rising. "You're the one who ignored me for months and forgot to ever answer my texts! You have no right to be upset with me."
Jeno takes a deep breath and speaks up again. "Y/N, I understand that I hurt you and I'm sorry for that. But it's not like you were completely innocent in all of this either. You could have tried harder to reach out to me too, you know."
You feel your anger flare up again at Jeno's accusation. "What are you talking about, Jeno? I texted you so many times and you never replied. I tried to hang out with you, but you always had some excuse. How is that not trying hard enough?"
Jeno looks at you, his eyes flashing with frustration. "I'm not saying you didn't try at all, but you could have tried harder. You could have called me or come over to my place. You could have made more of an effort to stay in touch with me."
You shake your head, feeling defensive. "I did try, Jeno. I tried so hard to reach out to you, but you never responded. It's not fair for you to put all the blame on me."
An impulsive feeling rises within you when you suddenly blurt out, "I can't believe I like someone like you!"
Jeno looks taken aback, clearly surprised by your confession. "What do you mean, Y/N?"
You realize what you've said and feel embarrassed. But you know there’s no escape from this and that you have to confront your feelings. "I-I mean, it's just that... I used to have feelings for you, but I've moved on since then." You know you’re lying and that Jeno also knows because you’re not a very good liar.
Jeno is taken aback by your confession. "I had no idea, Y/N. I'm sorry if I ever gave you the wrong impression," he says, looking genuinely surprised. "I just didn't realize that you felt that way."
You shake your head, feeling embarrassed. "It doesn't matter now. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry."
Jeno looks at you with concern. "No, don't be sorry. It's just...I don't know what to say. I care about you, Y/N, but I'm with Sooyoung now. I don't want to hurt you even more."
Jeno takes a deep breath, trying to process everything. "Look, Y/N, I think maybe you're just confused about your feelings," he says gently. "We've been friends for a long time, and sometimes those feelings can get mixed up with something else. I don't want to discount what you're feeling, but I think it's important for us to be honest with each other."
You shake your head, feeling tears forming in your eyes. "I don't know, Jeno. I'm just so confused. I thought I was over you, but seeing you again has brought back all these old feelings. And now, with everything that's happened between us, I don't even know if I want to be friends anymore."
Jeno looks taken aback by your words, unsure of what to say. "Y/N, I...I don't know what to say," he stammers, his expression conflicted. "I care about you a lot, but I'm with Sooyoung now and I don't want to hurt her or ruin what we have."
"I understand that, Jeno," you reply, feeling a lump forming in your throat. "But if you can't accept that I like you and still want to be friends, then maybe we can't talk anymore. I can't keep pretending that I don't have these feelings."
Jeno looks torn, his eyes flickering with emotion. "I don't want to lose our friendship, Y/N," he says finally. "But I also can't deny my feelings for Sooyoung. Can't we find a way to make this work?"
You shake your head, feeling the tears starting to fall again. "I don't know, Jeno. Maybe we can't. Maybe it's just too complicated."
Jeno's face falls at your words, and you can see the hurt in his eyes. "I don't want to lose you, Y/N," he whispers, reaching out to touch your hand. "But I don't know if I can be what you want me to be."
You pull your hand away, feeling a surge of pain. "I don't want you to be anything other than yourself, Jeno," you say, your voice shaking. "I just...I need to figure out what I want and what's best for me."
Jeno nods slowly, his gaze downcast. "I understand. But please, Y/N, don't shut me out completely. I still want to be there for you, even if things are different between us now."
But a sudden realization hits you and it’s that you don’t want things to be different anymore. You want freedom from this unrequited love and if it means letting Jeno go, then so be it.
Tears start to stream down your face. “I can’t.”
“What do you mean you can’t?” Jeno hurriedly asks. “You can’t be friends with me anymore? Is that it?” You can only nod and look away.
Jeno looks at you, his eyes wide with shock and hurt. "Y/N, please don't do this," he pleads. "I know I messed up, but I still want to be your friend. I don't want to lose you."
You shake your head, tears streaming down your face. "I'm sorry, Jeno. I can't do this anymore. I can't handle the heartbreak. I need to let you go."
Jeno's expression falls, his eyes filling with tears. "Is this really what you want, Y/N? To just throw away our friendship like this?"
"It's not what I want," you choke out, "but it's what I need to do for my own well-being. I can't keep holding onto something that hurts me so much."
Jeno looks at you with pleading eyes, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "But I don't want to lose you, Y/N. You're my best friend, and I can't imagine my life without you."
"I understand that, Jeno," you reply softly, "but I need to put myself first. Our friendship has been toxic for a while now, and I can't keep ignoring the way it's been making me feel."
Jeno takes a step closer to you, his voice desperate. "Please, Y/N. We can work through this. We can fix things. Just give me a chance."
You take a deep breath, tears streaming down your face. "I wish it was that simple, Jeno. But I've tried to fix things before, and it always ends up the same way. I can't keep putting myself through this pain."
Jeno's expression falls even further, his voice cracking. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I didn't realize how much I was hurting you. Please forgive me."
You shake your head, the pain in your heart almost too much to bear. "It's not about forgiveness, Jeno. It's about doing what's best for me. And right now, that means walking away from our friendship."
Jeno's eyes widen in shock, his hand reaching out to grab yours. "No, Y/N. Please don't do that. I just said can't imagine my life without you in it. I can't forgive you if you walk away from me like this."
You feel a lump forming in your throat, the tears flowing freely now. "I'm sorry, Jeno. I can't keep living in this cycle of hurt and disappointment. I need to take care of myself first."
Jeno's shoulders slump, his eyes downcast. "I understand. But please know that I can't forgive myself either if you walk away from me like this."
You just cry harder, the weight of your decision heavy on your shoulders. "I'm sorry, Jeno. But I can't change my mind. I need to put myself first for once."
Jeno's face falls even more, his shoulders drooping in defeat. His eyes are filled with hurt and confusion, as if he can't comprehend why you're choosing to leave him behind.
You can see the pain etched on his face, and your heart breaks all over again. You've never wanted to hurt Jeno, but you know deep down that this is the right decision for you.
"I'm sorry, Jeno," you say again, your voice barely above a whisper. "I know this is hard, but please try to understand."
Jeno nods silently, his eyes still fixed on the ground. You can tell that he's struggling to keep his emotions in check, and it breaks your heart to see him like this.
You stand there in silence for what feels like an eternity, both of you lost in your own thoughts and feelings. The air between you is heavy and thick, charged with the weight of your unspoken emotions.
As you turn to leave, Jeno finally speaks up, his voice choked with emotion. "I don't know how to make this right, Y/N. I just want you to know that I care about you, and I'll always be here if you need me."
You nod, unable to find the words to respond. You know that Jeno is hurting just as much as you are, and it breaks your heart to see him so dejected and upset.
With one final glance back at Jeno, you turn and walk away, the tears still streaming down your face. It's not the ending you wanted, but it's the one that you know in your heart is necessary.
The memories of your time with Jeno flood your mind. You remember the laughter, the late-night talks, and the moments when you felt like nothing could ever come between you two.
You had learned that sometimes love isn't enough, and that timing is everything. You had learned that it's important to take risks, even if they scare you. And most of all, you had learned that sometimes, the people we love aren't meant to be in our lives forever.
It was a painful lesson, but it was one that you would carry with you for the rest of your life. And even though Jeno was no longer a part of your life, you knew that he would always hold a special place in your heart.
As you got into your car, you wiped away your tears and took a deep breath. Life would go on, and you would go on with it. But no matter where you went, or what you did, you would always remember the boy who had once been your best friend, and the love that had never been.
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