#had this in my drafts for a couple days bc i keep coming to terms with the fact that tree references make me sad now lmao

[mobius-m-mobius]

#too soon NASA... too soon 😅🎄

[wandasfifthwife]

silence leads to destruction

paring: CEO!Wanda x reader

tw: estblashed relationship (married), r sells art pieces to make money, r is scared of rejection and spirals over nothing, strong heavy fluff, hurt/comfort, happy ending, minor injury (r), reader cuts finger with a knife on cutting board, sappy love confessions bc i said so, suggestive comment at the end but nothing happens

a/n: hi! I wanted to dabble in writing something for Wanda that ISNT smut for once. I read this over once to notice any big mistakes, but it’s not thoroughly proofread. As always, enjoy my shitty writing! 🥳

* золотце = sweetheart and жизнь моя = my world

‿︵‿୨୧‿︵‿

With love comes understanding, usually.

That’s how conversation was direct between the two of you, it eased your nerves knowing that she would validate any issue you brought to her and wish to talk it through. Mainly they were initiated by Wanda, but you both took the time to mention if something were upsetting you.

This is the first time it’s crumbled since you’ve been married. It might be because it felt it was directed at you and not just an accident like leaving the water on.

She had just arrived home, finding you making dinner.

“Hey,” she kisses your cheek, smiling into it when you lean into her body.

“Hey you,” you turn your face to kiss her properly, “how was work?”

She grumbles as usual, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“A new hire ruined our campaign by sending in the draft files to the company.”

“I’m sorry baby.”

She re-positions the knife in your hands to not aim over your fingers before continuing, “skill sets are crucial to know during the hiring process, and yet people still lie on applications and say they’re detailed and reliable when in reality they’re aloof and spontaneous.”

It felt stupid to be hurt by her words only because you had something in common with the new hire, your personalities.

“I wouldn’t say they’re lacking basic thinking skills,” you spoke, beginning to defend yourself through the employee, “just a mistake.”

“It could’ve been avoided if they had looked it over twice, but they didn’t and now we may have just lost over 20 grand.”

“It’s a mistake, we make them all the time. I know you’re thinking of firing them, but why not give them a chance?”

“I did and they messed it up again.”

“Why is this hire any different than the others who make mistakes?”

“It’s not just a simple mistake, золотце, it’s a personality difficulty. The others in the department have made a similar mistake once during their ten year term while they’ve made three within their first month.”She moves around you to help stir around the food on the stove, “it would’ve been excused if they were a personality hire.”

An ugly apprehension settled within yourself, “so if someone’s personality gets in the way of work you fire them?”

She agrees from behind you, taking care to turn the nob down so the food doesn’t burn, unaware of how you were blinking away tears.

It shouldn’t have bothered you, but your mind was nothing short of cruel. Often it would have its way and twist words Wanda has said into something entirely different.

All stemming from the motion that she would find out how terrible you were and leave, and you didn’t want her to leave.

You settled on keeping it to yourself, already feeling like you’ve used up all your sympathy cards for this week. Not wanting to seem needy for her affection, you shut it off.

“How was your day, жизнь моя?”

“Good, I can’t complain. I made a couple sales.”

She turned back to face you, “I’m so proud of you.”

She was leaving with a phone pressed to her ear. Undoing the knot the new hire had caused was going to take up her time outside of her office hours.

She paced around the room, tone tense and trying not to yell. Your blurry attention stayed on the dinner in front of you as you tried to look as if everything wasn’t falling apart internally.

Was she going to leave you alone if she found out you made faulty mistakes too?

You gasped with the knife cut through your index finger and everything was just too much. You were quick to turn your back to Wanda, finding the sink and running cold water over the cut.

Tears fell down your face until it had turned into a quiet sob. It was entirely unfair to compare her like the others, she loved you, but the past was cruel in reminding you how things had tended to end. You were entirely too aware of when she ended the call and how the room went silent when she realized you were crying.

“What’s wrong,” she coos, placing a hand on your back as she comes beside you.

“I just cut my finger open again,” you deflect, trying and hoping your smile would be enough but after 5 years together you should have known she’d be able to tell.

The hand on your back moved to your waist, pulling your back to rest against her chest. She reached from behind you, grabbing a towel and holding it over your small cut.

“I’m not mad at you,” she murmured into your neck, kissing it gently, “and I’m certainly not leaving you.”

“But I don’t think the way you do, I’m not detailed about anything. You married the wrong person.”

She called your name, spinning you to face her. “I never want to hear you say that again. I have never once thought I married the wrong person, do not ever think or say that again.”

You apologize, body timid in her hold. She moves her head so you look her back in the eyes, “I love you. I love your expressions when you’re painting, I love waking beside you in the morning, I love how careful you are with others.”

She continues her ramble, tears building in her own eyes, another cry forming in your throat at the sight of her getting worked up.

“I love you too,” you whisper and she smiles, moving forward to kiss you. Your arms wrap around her, tilting your head to kiss deeper. Her hands grab your waist and push you into her as it turns into something more.

“I want to show you how much I love you,” she whispers against your lips. It made you smile, whispering against hers of how you needed her to.

[fluffypotatey]

u want to answer the first half???? 🥹🥹

sure! anything for you, boo <33333 sorry it took me this long :’(

oh Lordy, ok

Share a song that makes you think of [fic title]

ok so even tho you didn’t place a specific title imma pick Frayed Strings and A Meeting at the Beach for the song People You Know by Selena Gomez bc i enjoy me some bitter and Six Eared “has not moved on” Macaque 🤭

2. Do you read/reread your own fics?

yeah! but it’s mostly after someone makes a comment on something they liked bc i, too, want to find that scene or line and enjoy it 🥰

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

it’s honestly a tie between The Shrine of Emrys and A Meeting at the Beach which is funny bc they are so different from each other lmao

4. How many WIPs do you have right now?

oh, uh, *checks folder* give me a sec

*coughs* 43 👉👈

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

can find answer here it’s literally just all of my stranger things ufos lmao

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

oh yeah, all the time. too many really to list them all 😓 but there’s Bones by @theoceanismyinkwell and you shake my nerves and you rattle my brain by @yikeshereiam just to name a couple (very good btw highly recommend)

7. How many ideas for fics do you have right now?

i’d rather not say

8. What project(s) are you currently working on?

rn it’s my swk & reaper series, frayed, and my dr geyer fic. all of which are long term fics lmao

9. Do you write every day? If you wrote today, share a sentence of what you’ve written!

it’s like every other day? i try to write often to keep me from writer’s block and it’s nice switching from wip to wip when i feel overwhelmed by the other

and i did write today! so have a snippet:

Frank O’Brien, in the words of his mother in-law, was a man you could never really figure out without walking on eggshells. In the words of his sister, he was a man that took after their uncle. In the words of Jenna, he was a cautious soul.

10. Is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

tbh the frayed AU wasn’t one i thought many people might have liked since i write macaron being very bitchy and salty about a lot of things and i know he’s a beloved character in the lmk fandom. like, i’m not writing him that way bc i hate him (far from it). I write like that bc that’s what i imagine what his internal dialogue might be like.

11. Do you have specific playlists for writing fics?

not really, i just find one that fits the mood of the scene or my own mood

12. Do you have a playlist for your current WIP(s)? Share it!

lol no 😙 I’m not really one to create wip or character playlists but it’s a lot of fun listening to others!

13. How much planning do you do before writing?

it honestly depends. no planning was done when making the dr geyer fic or any of the merlin fics. the planning came after bc my ambitions for them were more than i expected

14. If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick?

oh gee, idk honestly. it would be cool to see a comic of the Shrine of Emrys just because the exaggerated expressions would be hilarious

15. How do you come up with titles for your fics/chapters?

long answer can be found here. short answer: it is a chaotic process that ends in prayer

but yeah there you go! i’m so sorry this was late babe 💖 had this saved in my drafts so I could answer it all and then it got buried in there 😖 BUT! hope you enjoyed my answers 💕💕💕💕

[neo-shitty]

honestly, i really envy your writing style. you make words sounds so right and beautiful and it's just. it's everything i want to be as a writer. i have a fic that i've been working on for i think 2 weeks now and it's approximately 6.2k, but i don't like it, so i'm going to scrap it and rewrite it. i'm not happy with the way i write, but coming on here and (re)reading your fics makes me feel like i'm floating somewhere. where, i don't know, but i want you to know, toffee, that your writing makes me feel things.

you left me speechless the whole day, anon. actually, i still don’t know what to say ☹️ first of all, i am honored and flattered by the way you feel towards my writing. to have everything i’ve been working on recognized and appreciated like this makes me feel warm (and it actually brings me to the brink of crying bc shjdhdjd i don’t deserve this come on 😭)

for all that it is though, same. i feel the same as you do. i can name a couple of writers whose writing styles i envy a lot. and if i weren’t too embarrassed to show my document titles, i’d show you how many stories i left in my drafts bc i didn’t like how they went. i had phases where reading fics became more self-damaging than therapeutic bc i always kept comparing myself to others like “why can’t i write like that”.

i feel you. maybe a lot more than you think. and while i appreciate that you feel this way towards my writing, i’m not too far off from where you are. my progress on writing was just haha consumption of literature actually (be it fanfic after i got over that toxic ass comparison phase or actual novels) and self-acceptance that maybe this is all i can offer right now in terms of writing. there are days when the combination of words just don’t make sense and it’s frustrating bc you want to make it better—tell the story better but you simply can’t. i learned that rather than scrapping things entirely, i bench them in my drafts, leave it for a few days (months, years) until i’m ready to try again. and i move on to other ideas and what not. funny story, i managed to fully write and finish story ideas i didn’t think i could ever write back in 2020 this year.

of course, i sometimes still fail to put into writing the story i want to tell in my head, but by not stopping there’s progress somewhere even when i don’t really notice it. so the improvement is not a quick process, it’s tiring and draining and there are days when the insecurities get to your head. but the only advise i can offer is just keep writing. be it about little things in your day or drabble ideas. anything just to keep that little writing brain thinking. from there, you’d know which areas to improve and tbh it’s the little by little progress that makes a difference in the long run. also, please don’t be too harsh on yourself. there’s always room for progress if you’re willing to work on it. ☹️🤍

tldr; thank you so much again anon and i hope this thing made sense or at least let you peek into my mind a bit hsjdh

[moregraceful]

Would love to see if you have any kaapo thots to share w the class (me) - 💖

ahh 💖 anon, my favorite anon, i was saving this ask for when i felt a little less terrible but i just realized i'm eating my depression meal for like the tenth day in a row so why not delight a lil in the escapades of kaapo kakko!

the first thing u must know about me is that i do not know anything abt the rangers. i am aware that mika and chris are soulmates and alexis and k'andre are setting themselves up to be boyfriends of the millennia (god speed you beautiful first round draft picks i wish u just the happiest long term relationship.) and ryan reaves is funny and the rangers' collective hate boner for tom wilson is funnier. my knowledge about kaapo kakko is deeply rooted in like, vaguely paternal anxiety. does he have friends?? are his needs getting met?? is he eating three square meals a day and getting his nhl-allocated naps?? maybe you can answer these questions for me 💖 anon, my head hurts so i can't google deepdive atm.

cut bc this got long lol

CAVEATS ASIDE, i am thinking, as i often am, of the 2019 draft class, and how...idk isolated kaapo was made to be in it? and how much that really struck me during the run up to the 2019 draft, how the ntdp kids were so close to each other, and all the canadian kids were so friendly, and how so many of europeans draft kids were just...totally outside of that, for reasons due to both xenophobia but also just not playing up in the north americans' grill for their entire high school/juniors careers. and i think a lot about how there was so much abt how jack hughes was going first, but then someone manufactured some "okay but WHAT IF KAAPO WENT FIRST" drama and then i had to see a billion hot takes about who was better, with everyone coming down on the side of jack, which is fine, but also made me feel really bad for kaapo. he prob did not care but /I/ cared, bc i worry about him always.

ANYWAY, i also think frequently of the great kirby dach/jack hughes fic, how could you know what it feels like (to fight the hounds of hell) by lilacdreamers, and how kind jack hughes was in that fic to kaapo? the whole fic is such a gift, but that was one of my favorite parts i think, just his overtures and his kindness toward kaapo. (a kind jack hughes is a underrated jack hughes imho, we all love to make sex jokes and talk about how stupid and silly he is, but i love the idea of him as just a sweet, well-intentioned kid who works hard and tries harder.)

i love people who try hard to be kind. i love people who are given everything on a platter and instead of taking it for granted, they try to give it back. i love a universe in which jack hughes recognizes that he's worked really hard to get where he is, but he's also, to an extent, been given a lot of things, and he tries to do right by that. i also love a high draft pick narrative, so in the fic i just crafted in my head rn, there's a lovely story to be told about two high picks who struggle so much their first couple of years, and how they come out of it.

jack and kaapo were acquaintances in a "same draft class high draft picks" way but they were never friends or even particularly friendly. but jack's innate kindness and desire to do right by the people around him, makes him wants to try again with kaapo, to have a friendly relationship. he knows how fraught their narrative is; he also knows what it's like to be in a franchise that is forever the bridesmaid, never the bride. (or. the devils are kind of. forever the flower girl with dirt on her dress, never the bridesmaid or bride.) he knows what it's like to shoulder a franchise and have everyone be disappointed in you all the time, to be called a draft bust, to be isolated by a team in your first year, to just be horribly alone in the formative year of your career. and he keeps trying to reach out to kaapo and he keeps trying and he keeps trying and it's not even that he wants a date or anything, he just wants to make things right between him and kaapo. he doesn't like the idea of someone thinking poorly of him because media pitted them against each other for a couple months.

meanwhile kaapo, fully in new york strugglesville, is baffled by jack hughes' overtures bc like. they weren't ever friends, they come from two different worlds, why does jack keep texting him, what is the point of all this. but the hopes and dreams of the rangers franchise has been placed on his, alexis', and k'andre's shoulders, and while alexis and k'andre have each other, he thinks he doesn't really have anyone who understands so much what it is like to have that kind of burden on you. but jack does. jack knows. jack's on a good young team and kaapo is kind of surrounded by old men, but jack knows what it is like to have everyone say, this kid went high, it's all on him now, and to completely fail to live up to their expectations immediately.

kaapo wants to live up to expectations! and he will! (i the human author believes this!) but first he's gotta get through his struggle rookie years. and i like to think of him eventually breaking down under jack's persistent overtures to friendship and just texting him one night, while jack's doing so well and he isn't, how did you do it? how did you make it through?

and jack says, i had people to lean on

and that makes kaapo feel like shit bc he is in his long dark night of the soul, so who does he have to lean on? what if i don't have anyone

you have me, if you want

and kaapo lets himself want and then he lets himself have. he responds to jack's text messages more often, smiles at him at face off circles when jack makes goofy faces to throw him off his game. accepts a dinner invitation with jack and his boys one night before a game. he enjoys dinner; he enjoys jack smiling at him longer than the rest, even though he's surrounded by team, as if jack's trying to say, look, you're not alone, you have me. he facetimes jack one time just because he feels a little down and he thinks jack might pick up and cheer him up; jack's in a hot tub and there's music playing in the background like he's at a party, but he talks to kaapo for like a 45 minutes until his battery dies right in the hot tub.

kaapo also lets himself say yes to alexis and k'andre's dinner nights when they invite him. he didn't use to. he lets himself be fussed over by jacob trouba, who is my blorbo stand in for paternal anxiety. he starts to demand attention from the front office and coaching staff -- they're treating him badly and they need to stop. maybe he responds to a concerned text message from esa lindell one time; yes, he's doing better these days, thanks for checking in old man. he starts to play a little better, and a little better, and then it's really good, him and alexis and k'andre tearing shit up.

and jack texts him after games regularly, fucking insane win tonight kk and keep it up bud, i'll see you in the finals and slow your fucking roll kaapo, only one of us can win the cup and sorry about the loss. you wanna come to michigan? my brothers and i got a pool and i've never been to finland but i heard it's cold even in the summer. yeah, i want to visit, when's the best time for you? and i bought my ticket. you better not be lying about how good the lakes are

AND IT IS, bc it's late and i gotta get on with my evening (bed), A VERY TENDER ROMANCE IN THE END, A RELATIONSHIP BUILT ON TRYING AND GROWING AND GIVING UP SELF- AND TEAM-IMPOSED ISOLATION AND LEARNING THAT IT'S OKAY TO DEMAND SPACE AND TO GIVE YOUR HEART TO SOMEONE. and growing comfortable in your skin! and growing comfortable in your game! finding your stride, and proving, after some years, everybody wrong! kaapo finds there's so much more space in people's hearts for him than he thought and he likes that he takes up space in jack's especially. kaapo finds a kind of peace in jack, as goofy and chaotic as he can be. he likes jack, simply put. and that's no small thing.

/end 😭

thank you for asking for my thots!! i'm sorry they are not very well-formed and perhaps not as rangers-specific as you were hoping!! i am very interested in learning more about the rangers as i find many of their players delightful so if you have an recs pls let me know!! thank you!!!

[supernovadragoncat]

Hello! Do you have any tips on starting to write fan fiction?? Like any advice for beginners or maybe some prompts (or places to find prompts)? I, of course, was thinking of venturing into Sansan ff but the idea of writing even a fully fledged small one shot seems quite daunting so I was thinking of just writing small scenes to begin with.. like idk a paragraph about their first kiss or the first time they meet or a scene describing something about them that could some day belong in a larger piece, maybe..

I wrote some fanfic when I was like 14 and now I’m 22 and recently rediscovered my love for it so honestly I really feel like I want/need to write but I’m also scared I’ll hate anything I’ll jot down :( When I was a pre-teen/early teen I was really into writing (even if it was bad, I deeply enjoyed it) but then I kinda stopped (bc life, teen angst, then depression etc) so now I feel like I have to make up for lost time.

I would gladly appreciate any advice. And I’m sorry for the confession, I’m writing to you because I really admire your writing, both in general and in the context of our lovely fandom, and I suppose because you had that break from posting fan fiction I am genuinely curious how you managed it and how you got back into writing?

Thank you!

Hi Sweet Nonny! ❤️

Thank you so much for reaching out. I’m so happy that you did and no need to apologize for the confession! My ask box is always open.

Congrats on getting back into writing! It’s always both scary and exciting, but the SanSan fandom is filled with wonderful souls who are forever gracious and welcoming!

In terms of writing prompts:

There are great SanSan-specific prompts here.

Also this blog is a treasure trove as well

The SanSan Writers Guild (SWG) also does one-word prompts on Sundays and Wednesdays (Six Sentence Scribbles). Folks share in the SWG Discord server (you can join here!), tumblr, and Twitter.

Below are some things that I’ve found helpful in my own writing. Ultimately, you’ll know what works best for you, so if some of this is helpful, that’s fantastic. If some of it doesn’t resonate with you, that is completely fine too! Take what works and leave the rest!

Most of what I’ve discovered about writing comes down to this:

Self-imposed restrictions kill motivation. Writing on a strict schedule, trying to update with a certain frequency, aiming for perfection on the first draft, writing towards an audience’s expectation, not your own vision. I’ve done all of these things and it zapped a lot of the joy out of writing.

So here’s what I try to keep in mind to avoid those things...

Your contribution is always worthy

The wonderful thing about fanfic is that it can be anything you want it to be. Drabbles, snippets, text fics, pic sets, long fics…all of it is worthy and fandom needs diversity. We all bring something different to the table and that's what keeps fandom interesting and alive.

For my first fanfic, it started as just two sentences. That’s it! Once I wrote those two, I wrote a couple more. Then I got an idea for a scene, so I wrote that out. Then the next one. Before I knew it, I had a chapter, then an idea for another. It just snowballed.

The things is—it doesn’t have to snowball. I could’ve written just those two lines and it was still something worth being proud of. If you ever doubt yourself, just remember anything you create is worthy. No one else could've made it because they’re not you. Every single writer has a unique voice and something to contribute.

Write what you’re motivated to write.

If it’s just a short bit of dialogue, then start with that. If it’s a small scene, then write that. If it’s a small bit of imagery, write that. Write out of order if that helps too. If the muse wants you to write something that’s a sharp left turn from what you planned or had envisioned, follow that muse!

And if you find yourself with a handful of WIPS or ideas and you’re feeling one more than the other, write whichever one rocks your socks off. There’s no shame in following the inspiration!

You will probably hate your first draft. Embrace the mess.

I always hate my first draft. Always. I honestly believe it’s part of the process. I think of writing/editing like sculpting. The blank page is a hunk of marble and the first draft is just the first pass. It’s probably going to be rough and a squint-and-you’ll-see-it shape of a story. It’s not meant to be David on the first go.

Once I got comfortable knowing I’d nit-pick a lot of what first goes on the page, writing became easier. I stopped trying to create magic on that first draft and I focused on just letting go. You can’t edit a blank page, so anything you write down is progress, even if you hate it. You can fix it later, but the process of creating isn’t meant to be neat and seamless. It’s messy and hard, but therapeutic, fun, and so very worth it!

Delete whatever you want.

I’ve written thousands of words that just. weren’t. working, but I couldn’t bear the thought of deleting them, so I banged my head against the wall trying to make it work. Finally, I took the unworkable text, put it in a separate document, and started fresh.

This is where self-evaluation comes in handy—knowing the difference between writing that just needs a little more time and some sculpting and writing that I’m stubbornly holding onto and needs to be put out of its misery so the idea can be reborn again.

Have a routine.

A lot of writing advice I’ve read on the internet talks about writing every single day. I think what these people are really getting at is to establish a routine, but no one says your routine has to be writing every day or at a certain time or writing a certain amount.

I used to try to write after work, but it took too long to get into the right headspace or I was too mentally zapped. If I didn’t write, I felt like I was missing opportunities to get words on the page, so guilt crept in. I was trying to write on a schedule, not a routine.

Now, I write to a routine—write on the weekends and edit during the week (if I feel up to it). I don’t hold myself to a schedule, but I embrace a pattern that is conducive to the rhythm of my life and outside responsibilities. Do whatever works for you and, if guilt creeps in, just remember—you are on no one’s timeline but your own!

Take breaks and prioritize self-care.

We all love to write and taking a break can sometimes feel like procrastinating, letting people down who are waiting for updates, etc. I think it’s important to take breaks as needed and to prioritize self-care; to be gentle and patient with ourselves and to enjoy the creative process, not just the final output.

As you mentioned, I took a four-year break from fandom that was unplanned. I didn't write or read fanfic at all during this time. I got back into writing the same way I got into it in the first place. It started with a small idea that I wrote one sentence at a time.

I also didn’t post what I wrote for a long time. There was a joy in writing just for myself. There’s absolutely no shame in that at all, so if you find yourself enjoying the writing experience, but aren’t ready to post or share, that’s completely okay! You share when you're ready.

One last thing...

Someone once said that we need to take breaks from writing if nothing more than to collect experiences in life because it’s those experiences—the people we connect with, the places we visit, the things we endure—that we take to the page with us.

When I came back to writing, I too felt like I needed to make up for lost time or that I’d wasted years of my life not doing what I loved. But I hadn’t wasted anything. I’d spent years collecting experiences and the me of 2016 could never have written the stories that the me in 2021 writes simply because I lived through a lot in that time.

You too now have experiences you’ve collected and that you’ll bring to the page and, if you ever need to take a break and collect more experiences, that is completely valid and just as important.

Now that I’ve written you a novel, I wish you all the best in writing and in fandom! Again, my ask box and messages are always open if you ever need anything! Thank you so much for the ask! I hope this helps!

Happy writing and much love! ❤️ ✍️

[fyreb1rd]

Write it!!! even if its just a small draft you should write it down so you can expand on it later!!!! you might forget abt it if you dont write it down right now!!!! GO VIVI GO!!! -Cyber

cyber said it so ur getting a bullet point list, but it’s actually pretty long so —

Phil was a mortal adventurer in some (currently unnamed) kingdom, and one day he’s just called up to the castle by the king. The king offered him a high position in the castles court if he could save his daughter (aka the princess) from a loosely termed ‘cult’ that had kidnapped her to use as bait for the enderdragon

Phil, being Phil, was like “sure m8” and took on the quest having little to no information about this cult,,, and then realizes he shouldn’t atleast asked for a starting point. But he’s resourceful and manages to speak to various different people in the kingdom until he had some ideas about the cult, and where they may be.

He ends up running into Eret and Foolish as they’re wiping out a group of the cult and the three stop at a river to wash off the blood and Phil helps to heal them with potions while they explain that the cult had planned to use trained withers to kill the enderdragon, but they were struggling to train the withers, and causing mass destruction. The princess told them to knock it off, and actually killed one of their withers by herself (which no one had done up until that point) which was why they’d captured her

Foolish says she’s a spitfire girl, and she’ll probably not accept Phil’s help but she seems to be getting weaker after being kidnapped. Phil’s like “o shit respect” and bids farewell to Eret and Foolish at a tavern that night and hunts off in the direction of the stronghold. Now his plan is to wait out the group at the stronghold and stop them from going inside the portal room.

He mostly succeeds in this plan, but takes a pretty bad hit to his hip and they manage to get past him and they shove their way into the portal. He quickly follows after them, now just worried they’ll kill the dragon (because it was the hatchling, since Phil killed the original dragon, which was why the king wanted him to help— I feel like I should’ve clarified that earlier??)

He manages to kill most of the cultists until out of fucking no where this random girl slams the remaining three off the end island. Phil’s fucking amazed because this woman has wings which aren’t common at all. The two introduce themselves to one another and Phil finally learns the name of the girl he’s been chasing down, Kristin.

They go back to the kingdom after healing themselves and the hatchling, and Kristen hides her wings under a cloak. She explains that she got the wings “from the void itself” and because Phil really doesn’t want this random ass girl to stab him or something, he just agrees with her. When they return to the kingdom, which isn’t too far from the portal, everyone’s so excited their beloved princess is back.

The king keeps his word and Phil becomes a pretty high up officer in the nations army. The next couple of years goes smooth, and he keeps ranking up, until he’s asked to take over the small kingdom. He asks Kristin if she’s okay with it, considering she’s the technical heir, but she encourages him to take it. So he becomes a king.

During this time, he and Kristin do end up getting married because obviously I need my tiny bird man and his giant death goddess wife.

When Phil and Kristen are around their forties, Kristin falls ill with some unknown illness. She asks to go to the end one more time, so Phil takes her, and she holds his hands as she stares into the void until she passes. Obviously, Phil’s distraught bc his wife of a few decades just DIED but I swear that’s not the end

So the void likes Kristin so much, since she nursed the hatchling dragon back to health, it makes Kristin a goddess. And since, in my headcanon, the void is connected to death, she becomes the goddess of death. She finds Phil back on the same island where she died, now having a new physical form, and they let her body fall into the void to sort of hide the fact she’s now immortal.

Kristin decides Phil’s joining her on this life mission too, and grants him wings to be her Angel, and now he’s like Demi-immortal or however you wanna phrase it

They return to the kingdom, and continue ruling for a few more years before Phil comes across an illegal fighting ring and the champion fighter; a piglin hybrid simply dubbed The Blood God. He approaches Techno after the fight, and the two actually slowly become friends until a major war suddenly hits the kingdom.

Kristin is more concerned about protecting the nation itself, so she decides with Phil that they should enter the war defensively. They fight the war that way for years, until Phil and Techno meet again and Techno asks Phil just to take a run into the fight with him. The two go into a battle and wipe the battle field, both having been fighting for a long time solo.

Rumors soon begin to spread of the “Angel of Death” and the “Blood God” ruthlessly tearing up the enemy lines, and soligers begin engraving wings into their armor and panting them black for good luck (or doing golden crowns for strength)

The war ends only a year after the nation switches to being offensive instead of defensive and they end up wiping out major numbers of kings, emperors, presidents, queens, etc. to take their land

Thus, the Antarctic Empire is born with Phil as the emporer, Kristin as the Empress, and Techno as one the general of the whole army. It’s generally peaceful because no one really fucks with the empire, and during this era both Wilbur and Tommy are born and start to grow up.

When Wilbur is thirteen, he goes on his first solo mission and founds New Foundland. He lives there with Tommy for a few years, just to humble the boy and teach him how to fend for himself in the wilderness as a just in case.

During this time, the castle is seized, and Phil is killed by a group who wanted to overthrow the kingdom. Techno sends some of the guard to go and grab Wilbur and Tommy while Kristin tried to revive Phil. It ends up working, as he’s destined to not die until Kristin deems it’s his time to go.

The family lived all together for a few more years, this time with the addition of Tubbo.

Oh, how did Tubbo get here you ask? His kingdom, where he lived with his father in an End city, killed his dad and kidnapped him as a sacrifice for Techno. Obviously, that’s a lot to unpack, so they commonly say Tommy just found Tubbo one day while out exploring.

When Wilbur is thirty three, Tommy is sixteen, and Tubbo is fifteen they all leave to go visit a new continent that had been discovered (The Dream SMP) and they form L’Manburg after mistreatment from Dream. That’s where the story begins.

I missed explaining the magical aspects of this AU but hey, backstory is fun too :)

[mira--mira]

One obvious for the ask game. The main protagonist; Naruto Uzumaki and Izuku Midoriya.

@shiryusamarkanda it’s so nice to hear from you again! <3 

I totally didn’t forget to post this and had it fully finished in my drafts for days...totally. 

Naruto

What I love about them:

Naruto's a bratty kid who’s not afraid to speak up and challenge something he thinks is "wrong". This, of course, is part 1 Naruto. I actually like when he's a bit insensitive without being explicitly malicious bc its very fitting for his background/how he grew up but also gives him a clear path forward as he learns how to work as a team/starts to grow. It wasn’t exactly a smart move, but I really liked how he continued to challenge Zabuza in the Wave Arc saying “he’s still my enemy” after Kakashi told him to back off. This is all good and strong characterization that, to me, was more often endearing than it wasn’t. Naruto had goals and a purpose and in early Naruto that was still clear.

What I hate about them:

Part 2 (Shippuden) Naruto. There’s a lot that goes into this but the core deviation is getting away from the underdog story. In Shippuden Naruto is the son of the 4th, the Child of Prophecy, a reincarnation of the Sage of Six Path’s kid, makes friends with Kurama, and has the most OP power of the them all: Talk no Jutsu. What makes all of this even worse is Naruto went from a loveable bratty kid to an insufferable messiah figure. To be “perfect” his natural personality is shorn down until he’s only allowed occasional “stupid” mistakes rather than mistakes that emerge from his characterization. This also makes his ideological “wins” with villains...completely meaningless. Shippuden Naruto doesn’t really...have beliefs. He wants to be hokage and bring Sasuke back to the village. “Being hokage” was fine as a kid but I expected the progression into shippuden to be “what kind of hokage do I want to be?” This seemed natural bc we get in the Wave arc Naruto pushing against “what a shinobi is supposed to be: a tool” from Haku and declaring he’d make his own ninja way. Flashforward to the chunin arcs: hates Orochimaru for messing with Sasuke (esp when he eventually leaves to join him) and Neji for treating Hinata the way he did until he learned more about the Hyuga before declaring it wasn’t fair and you had to fight against fate and destiny. Tsunade’s arc was more about reemphasizing the village was something worth protecting and the Sasuke retrieval arc, while focused on Sasuke, at least kept up this theme. But these moments of growth are only alluded to in shippuden and by the time the war arc and ending come around...nothing changes. Naruto didn’t upset the status quo, he only maintained it. And once that ending was established it was a lot easier to go back and pick out exactly when his characterization started to fall through and the weird messiah figure took over instead. Part of this, imo, is the focus of his ultimate goal being “bring Sasuke back to the village” rather than understand what Sasuke is doing/why he’s doing it and then deciding to help him or stop him. 

Favorite Moment/Quote:

“You’re cute when you’re chubby” [in reference to the frog purse] 

I really love the quiet moments Naruto has and watching him live out his daily life. The frog purse is absolutely adorable and I love seeing it crop up time and time again. A close second is when Gai kicks Jiraiya in the face and, a short time later, offers Naruto the green tracksuit which he’s appreciative of. 

What I would like to see more focus on:

In Part 2 Naruto having a long-term goal alongside bringing Sasuke back to the village or trying to seriously think about why Sasuke does what he does and how that would potentially affect the plot. If I could go back to the very start, keeping the actual heart and intent of an underdog ninja story rather than everything turning into superpowered mecha/kaiju battles and aliens from space this is the big point that I’d want to address. In general, I really like fics that focus on training and give him a range of jutsu besides spamming shadow clones and rasengan variants. I’ve said this before, but if Naruto really wants to keep the “number 1 unpredictable ninja” moniker, learning a variety of small, diverse jutsu and using them in interesting/creative ways would be the way to go rather than spamming the aforementioned two. I also really like fics that buckle down and just go ham and create their own variety of jutsu, especially if it’s small practical jutsu rather than the latest and greatest OP Power #839281 kind of jutsu. 

What I would like to see less focus on:

The messiah figure. Talk no Jutsu. The obsession with having a morally pure hero in a world that routinely employed child soldiers and put them in war. I understand Naruto was a shonen manga first and foremost but like...this was the setting/world Kishimoto decided on having. However, I will say some fics take it to far on the other extreme for my taste, creating a edgy nihilistic Naruto that hates everyone and everything. 

Favorite pairing with:

Uhh...I don’t actually have a strong feeling for this one LOL. The most I’ve read has been SasuNaru (Sasuke x Naruto) because I’ve found really interesting set-ups. I like the ship and it does have a decent amount of backing in canon but it’s the little moments (or my ability to see possible little moments) that really make or break a ship for me. SasuNaru is all Big Declarations and I struggle to see how they’d actually settle down post Shippuden time into something sustainable. My favorite iterations of the ship is focused when they’re genin age and have a better relationship...but then I recognize that this is getting closer and closer to Hashimada. The other big things I run into with shipping Naruto with Sasuke is 1. Sasuke needs a shit ton of therapy/willingness to process his family related trauma and 2. Naruto needs a good support network/family outside of a romantic partner because it personally makes me uncomfortable to read ‘you’re my one and only’ (here being: I have no other friends, family, loved ones outside of you). It’s a ship that can work but it’s not my personal OTP.  

Favorite friendship:

Canon/OoT - Naruto & Sakura

I do have a softspot for fics where Naruto realizes his crush on Sakura is actually a desire to have friends/someone to care about him and then they do become close. In canon Sasuke was clearly the favorite of Kakashi (if chunin arc is kept the same/similar and he takes him away for the month to train) I really like Naruto and Sakura sticking together and trying to help each other. They’re both loud and can wind each other up but Naruto can help Sakura relax a bit from her rigid view of herself and she can help keep him on track/encourage him. 

NOTP:

Again, no real strong opinions here. Probably harems? I remember seeing a lot of those a couple years ago and I fundamentally dislike the harem so it will never be ‘done well’ to my personal taste. 

Favorite headcanon:

Naruto is smart, he just needs things to be explained in a way he can understand. 

I’m not a fan of ‘he’s the smartest person in the entire world’ trope but Naruto is creative, he created the oiroke jutsu before he graduated to genin and has a lot of stubborn determination. He’s just really bad at typical ‘book learning’ and traditional testing and he’s not a genius/prodigy like Sasuke or Neji.

.

.

Read line for BNHA manga spoilers

Izuku

What I love about them:

He’s such a smart kid and while he’s unsure/insecure about himself he still does his best. Honestly the premise of BNHA is amazing and I was so excited to watch this little quirky (heh) boy do his best and outthink heroes, utilizing his intelligence and knowledge of quirks. I really love early Izuku and how he has to approach situations from a different angle bc he grew up quirkless/can’t properly handle OFA. The sports festival arc remains one of my personal favorites and really showed his ingenuity. I also really love that Izuku is openly emotional, he cries, he gets super happy about things, he’s angry, he’s sad, etc.  

What I hate about them:

Why do stories insist on calling themselves “underdogs” when for a majority of the time, they’re not? Or not as much as they would be from the original premise? Look, TDP came about exactly bc BNHA was billed as ‘quirkless boy becomes number 1 hero’ it changed rapidly into ‘Izuku gets the strongest quirk but can’t control it’ and while I was...disappointed with that, it happened so quickly I wasn’t really upset. Fast forward to apparently OFA has...what seven(?) quirks inside it and I just...it’s frustrating. Even more the longer we go the more Izuku strays away from a character that is forced to use his intelligence and creatively outthink his opponents and instead becomes...I just have to hit him harder! The Muscular fight already inched towards this but the Overhaul fight just felt like Super Shonen Smack-down 728329. Which, isn’t an inherent problem, it just doesn’t match up to the expectations I had about BNHA I had at the start and how I hoped the series would go. For a character trait that I hate: Izuku is stupidly self-sacrificing. It makes sense with his character but he shoots beyond what is safe and reasonable and I wish there would be more internal emphasis on the question “is it better to save one person today if it meant I couldn’t save ten people tomorrow?” I think he’d choose the former or forsake the question altogether (we touched briefly on this during the overhaul arc with Eri) but I think it’s a serious question needs to be touched on (or I just need to go back and rewatch things again LOL) 

Favorite Moment/Quote:

See entire sports festival arc. I don’t really have a favorite moment because I love the entire arc and we get so much out of it. 

What I would like to see more focus on:

Quirkless Izuku. There’s already a lot of fics, but I really do love them. It deviates a bit, but I do like the creativity of giving Izuku his own unique quirk and then exploring what he can do with that/how it changes canon. Really I want Izuku to keep his original characterization and not trade his smarts for more punching power or deus ex machinas for quirks hidden inside of OFA. If OFA!Izuku is kept, I like story ideas where he still has to rely on means outside of his quirk. Preferably this is isn’t because he injuries himself so much, but I like toying with the idea that Izuku never gets OFA to All Might’s level so he really does have to make the quirk his own and still rely heavily on his intelligence and quirk journals to become the number 1. 

What I would like to see less focus on:

Quirks hidden inside OFA. Strength should have been enough, it was already billed as the most powerful quirk of all. I know this is a common theme for shonen stories, and I don’t mean to harp specifically on Izuku, but again the premise of BNHA was an underdog story. 

Favorite pairing with:

Tododeku (Todoroki Shouto x Midoriya Izuku) 

Friends to lover and battle couples lads, I am weak to them. I like the contrast between their personalities as well as origins (Shouto being the number 2′s (now 1) kid and Izuku from a quiet civilian background). At the end of the sports festival arc both of them are extremely well characterized and it’s easy for me to imagine how their relationship progresses from there and how they can support each other and help each other grow. It’s a very sweet and wholesome ship the way I write and read it and it’s v cute.

Favorite friendship:

Canon- Midoriya Izuku & Uraraka Ochaco & Iida Tenya

I really like the core trio and think their interactions are really sweet. They balance each other out well and their friendship was immediately believable to me. I also like later when Tsuyu and Shouto start to get included in the group and out of the “main” core friends I’m endlessly entertained whenever Izuku and Tokoyami interact with one another. (This is also because I love my bird son, but you know.)

TDP - Midoriya Izuku & Ashido Mina or Midoriya Izuku & Hatsume Mei

Really, I love all of TDP’s kiddos interactions. Their chemistry is one of my favorite things about the fic and all the villain school kiddos meshed really well and had hilarious interactions. Mina and Mei are my faves but just barely. Mina came out of left field for the fic but she plays a similar role that Ochaco does in canon as a usual source of positivity (but unlike Ochaco with additional chaos). She’s Izuku’s first real friend even before starting HIVVE and wouldn’t hesitate to call Izuku her cousin as she views him as family. In return, Mina’s someone Izuku can completely count and depend on if necessary. Mei is...Mei. Izuku is her best “useful customer” and it’s actually terrifying how similar their thoughts are, just Mei has an (un)healthy dose of Hazmat’s insanity and her own business acumen added into the mix. They have slightly different fields of interest but are intellectual equals that work well together and that’s something new to both of them.

NOTP:

Bakudeku (Bakugo Katsuki x Midoriya Izuku)

It’s unhealthy. Unless it’s an AU that changes what the start of their relationship is like, Bakugo and Izuku will always have a toxic friendship to me and I can’t ever see them in a healthy relationship. Both of them have a lot to learn and I am of the opinion that Bakugo should get the opportunity to grow and become a good person and leave behind his past as a bully. However, I’m also of the opinion that no matter how good of a person a bully becomes their victim is never required to absolve them of past wrongdoings. Izuku and Bakugo were friends once, their relationship turned toxic, and now it’s in the interest of both of them to grow apart from one another. I even hesitate to really say they’ll be friends again because the early characterization of their relationship was so imbalanced to me, but for the right author and the right work I may see them being on good terms. It’s still a romantic relationship that I dislike. 

Favorite headcanon:

Crack headcanon? Izuku does have a natural quirk, the force of his tears is clearly superpowered 😂 Regular headcanon, (that is canon in TDP and kindaaa in regular canon(?)) when Izuku gets really engrossed in a super stressful fight he focuses on what will work rather than what is moral. It has...mixed results. 

.

For the ask game. 

[vox-blr]

Voxxy ilu (/p) and i wanna hear more about ur canon. Tell me what your house or business looked like. Tell me where you got coffee, if you did. How you found Vark. Your relationship with Velvet. How you climbed the ranks. Why you fell to Hell in the first place!

How did you consume things? Could your face play me a cartoon? Were u n Ally like....... Like maybe a lil ♠ in a noromo way or like. Cuz like. :/ y'all straight GOOFY together

💙🖤💙🖤 hehehe

You're in for sooo much info tbh one thing I remember well is Locations

I moved around somewhat early on but after becoming Rich As Fuck I had a high-rise apartment that basically took up half the floor, which is massive for an apartment. I guess I could've afforded a mansion or some shit but it was already way more space than I needed and I didn't want to have to maintain grounds or have anyone coming to my house to do it for me so. Luxury apartment

In terms of aesthetics it was mostly dark walls and shiny black floors and grey/black furniture. There were neon lights lining a lot of corners but I didn't always keep them on, fluorescents for if I actually needed good lighting.

I did have a whole room that was just massive TVs and like a swivel chair. It was like a master controller setup but Upgraded a shitton

Business was uhhh Big

There was a main office I was usually at and a bunch of satellite places for different things, plus I owned (majority or just shares depending) smaller companies with their own offices, and the lot of them made more shows we broadcasted than anything originating from my company directly

But main office was a tall building, had a lot of windows, and was mostly for businessy shit like PR and Threatening People Over The Phone. Yk yk, the works. We had some tech shit going on there too, like a massive room of just data storage

My office in that building was nice desk, computer, lots of monitors (on the desk and on the wall), drafting table attachment, tablet. Like the TV Room™ but smaller

I spent a lot of time on site though with filming and broadcasting crews, both in satellite offices and on-location type folming, though mostly the former. These varied in how they looked

Coffee I got 90% of the time from the coffee maker in my house or office 💀💀 or wherever was closest if I was out or not too busy to go out

I got Vark at an animal store. It was like a pet store but people also went there to grab an animal for dinner, so. Animal store. He was a baby (a 5 foot tall baby but a Baby nonetheless) but grew Very Fast and ended up doubling that within a year 💖💖💖🦈🦈🦈

Velvet and I hung out at least every couple of days. We got along well mostly bc of similar hobbies, and we also kind of balanced each other out. Velvet went by emotions when doing shit and I went by logic, so she'd have fun ideas for shit and I could minimize any sort of fallout.

The downside was that Velvet also went by emotions when dealing with problems, which meant she could be petty and childish to the point of causing issues. We didn't really fight, but her behavior sometimes caused problems when I had issues with people she liked or if she had issues with people I worked with

As for climbing the ranks, it was really straightforward tbh.

It was the early 50s. TV was just getting big, and that has a little bit of a delay to get to Hell in the first place. I saw the opportunity and took it. After working out some money early on working for other people- mostly acting- I started broadcasting, buying existing channels up, networking, etc. It all built up very fast and there wasn't even a lot of sabotage involved?? Like obviously there was Some and I was totally cheating the people I bought from out of a lot of money but the timing was so perfect that it was a comparatively very clean chain of events.

This pretty much destroyed the popularity of radio in Hell, aided by the fact that I initially sold actual TVs dirt cheap to aid my broadcasting.

As I accumulated more money, I started buying and creating completely unrelated companies, which was less about money and more about heehee hoohoo look at me I sell chimken borger

As for falling to Hell in the first place, pretty sure it was an accumulation of smaller shitty actions for the most part. I was very cutthroat in my work and trying to advance and made a lot of very con-artisty deals with people and was just generally selfish most of the time I was alive. I definitely somewhat indirectly contributed to some deaths too so like 💀💀 mostly via causing people to lose their jobs

There might be more I'm forgetting but I think I was mostly nerf'd for being a capitalist dick

I ate things With My Mouth

Basically demon physics screen was kind of like the screen in the grudge. It's a solid screen but it's also Not in some situations. Combination screen/p̤͑͐o͖͇ͬ̒͘͘͢͞r̲̠̓ͮ́͐́͞͡t̵̖̩̬͓̂̃͆a̢̽̔̂̀͢͠l̾̊́̿͏̶̕ ̪̹̬̀̈̍̏t̵ͣͮ̚҉o̢͙̼ͦ͐̔̑̕͢͢ͅ ̰͙͙͉ͯ̈́̈́̿t̵͔̊͐̆̅h͕ͪ̓͆e̓̋ͣ̿͢͠ ͈͛̓͆҉̶̀u̥̜͓͇ͩ̀͘̕͝n̴̲̹k̷̜̔̑́͢͝ň̛̟̮̣͌̀o̡̮̔w̞̪̜̹̅͛̓͘ň̢̛̳̰̫̿́͠ depending on the context.

Random note, newest face was an LCD screen.

It could play a cartoon.

Also lmao as for Al? Hard to define rlly. I'll p much roll with attention of any nature and Alastor was >:( at me so I went w it

I was very heehee hoohoo look u radio i'm in the tv screens u pass when u go outside! pay attention to me! video killed the radio star! i am very funny and Alastor was Very annoyed by my existence, moreso after I started with the upgrades a few years into being in Hell. We had a few amicable conversations before that

I was also familiar with who Alastor was before dying so there was also an aspect of like if this fucker respects me i've made it

Thanks for asking lmao I could talk for Ages

[fmdminaharchive]

❧ you’re like spring.

date(s): february-march 2021 mentions of: daisuke (briefly for happening reasons), jiah (extensively for gay reasons) word count: 1,712 (475 words composition, 748 words songwriting without the lyrics) warnings: none details: partial composition and full lyric verification for ‘the spring’. minah makes music again, it’s more of the same yet different. she’s also grossly in love, though she’s well aware there has been a time she wasn’t. also little extra bits of the whole Process because i can and they’re cute

“how about another spring song?” the creative director suggests and minah is quick to agree.

sure, she has some thoughts on that statement. the expected release date they gave her is late may, pushing near the end of spring but she can’t say she’s surprised. sure, these songs usually do best around early to mid april, when spring is fresh and the temperatures are slowly creeping up together with the bloom of flowers but she wagers that either bc doesn’t give her solo comeback enough priority over whatever else is planned earlier in the year or they’re aiming to recreate the same effect ‘hopefully sky’ had. 

it’s kind of ironic, minah thinks, the implied image of a late bloomer bc throws in her lap. 

she doesn’t mind it, it kind of suits her in ways.

➽───────────────❥

being informed that she will be working with the same producer she worked on for ‘hopefully sky’ and ‘being there’ only further confirms minah’s suspicions, they’re fully intending to let her stick to her niche. it’s not a bad thing persé, she likes her music, she likes the producer, the whole process will undoubtedly be a delight. but paired with the fact she had been purposely left out of writing for her debut album last fall, minah can’t help but feel bc doesn’t yet trust her quite enough. not enough to write on something important as an album, not enough to write on something she hasn’t done before.

which just means she has to prove herself.

when minah shows up for their first studio session, she shows up prepared, reaching for the acoustic guitar kept in one of the corners of the room

one eyebrow of the producer quirks up. “were you asked to compose it yourself? i thought i was, that’s why i prepared some things-”

minah just shakes her head, smiling serenely. “i wasn’t. but i have something i want to let you hear regardless.”

the guitar parts aren’t all that much, no bells or whistles. but minah likes to think that’s their charm. her instrumentals never are too flashy, not taking the foreground but instead serving as a gentle, guiding hand. the strums and chords are meant to be a base, to frame and support her voice rather than to be the main attraction.

the simple melody reminds her a lot of her busking days back in busan. sure, for the most parts she played and sang popular songs, ones that would be recognized by passersby and hopefully bring a smile to her face. but when things were slower, wen there weren’t as many people around, minah could spend stretches and stretches of time playing around with chords, improvising their structure as she went, their gentle hum to fill the silence until people came by again. it was a comforting sound, a comforting feeling.

of course, this time it’s not mere improvising, not tangent of chords that escape her memory the moment they fade out into the air around them but it still feels that way as she plays the song for the producer, a light-hearted, warm feeling teaching from her fingertips to her chest. 

when she finishes the song, minah puts the guitar beside her again, looking expectantly at the producer. “it’s not a full song-” she starts, sentence trailing off, searching for some sign of approval or dismissal, whatever comes first, whatever will tell her if she was right to go out on a limb.

“it’s not.” the producer agrees with a nod. “but it could be.” another beat of silence. “it will be when i turn it into one.”

the excited squeal that escapes minah is one of victory.

➽───────────────❥

“you know, i already wrote lyrics to go with it too.” minah brings up a little while later, by now both of them with a cup of coffee in their hands, having spent the last hour or so properly writing down the guitar part she had played earlier and fiddling with ideas how to expand on it.

“well why didn’t you say so earlier, go ahead, i’m listening.” 

so minah quickly pulls out the piece of paper the lyrics are written down on. they’re her words, she has sung them a few times but she doesn’t feel confident enough in her memory to do it entirely by heart just yet. 

she picks the guitar up again from where she had left it, leaning against the side of the table, placing her fingers against the fingerboard and strumming the strings, playing the same chords she had played before but this time accompanied by her voice. 

i think spring is coming again almost sick of the cherry blossoms once again, i face a lonely season as the wind blows

in terms of sound, the song sounds as warm and comforting as it’s spiritual predecessors ‘hopefully sky’ and ‘being there’ had, the sweet, family-girl charm minah had initially wrapped the general public around her finger with. lyrically, however, the tone is a bit more somber, lonely and longing for the happiness her surroundings seem to have found. it puts it smack in the middle of both her self-written songs from last summer and the tone of her first album and her portal collab with daisuke from last winter. a pretty clever way to bring together the two sides of her sound she has released so far if she says so herself.

that flower is so pretty, it makes me lonely that couple is smiling so brightly making me so sad why is it so beautiful? why am i jealous? everything’s spring spring spring but me

of course, the lyrics are hardly relevant for minah in the moment. she is entering her second spring together with jiah, their relationship having started roughly a year ago, when spring was creeping up on them much like it is now. 

but feelings didn’t need to be lived to write about them right, to be able to convey them all the same. minah’s entire ‘epilogue’ had been drenched in the sorrow of heartbreak while she was on cloud nine. much the same applied to this song, there is none of the longing for a spring romance, not when she has all of that right in the palm of her hands already, not when she gets to wake up stroking the messy strands of hair out of jiah’s face and kiss the tip of her nose.

you’re spring, spring spring spring you, where did you go? you’re spring, spring spring spring the spring wind is blowing

minah gets it, she really does, why spring is generally seen as a romantic season, the slow bloom of the world stirring awake after the winter. cherry blossoms showers during walks in the parks, couples huddled together due to the last remnants of cold wind. spring is romantic in it’s very existence. it’s soft, it’s comforting, a gentle welcome after the slumber of winter. 

and because of that, jiah is spring too. the pink hues of her flushed cheeks and the radiance of her smile, the tingling sparks of heat left across minah’s skin. she’s warm without ever being overwhelming, like the slowly rising temperatures giving the flowers time to adjust and bloom.

i’m dreaming of a fun love will my sweet love ever come? after another lonely day the wind blows

it hasn’t always been like that though, minah has been familiar enough with the bittersweetness of cherry blossoms. she’s a notorious workaholic after all. for as long as she can remember, she’s always been busy with something, be it her career or her family. it had left ample time for epic romances when she had been far too all over the place to open up her heart and whatever sparks did fly quickly fizzled solely due to the fact minah didn’t have the capacity to nurse a budding romance among everything.

so it isn’t like she doesn’t understand, it wasn’t like she has never kicked the ground scoffing watching the loved-up couples in springtime. minah knows the feeling all too well. so she knows how cathartic songs like this can be. sometimes you just need to be bitter for a bit before carrying on with life.

when the warm spring wind brushes my cheeks will spring come into my frozen heart as well? is it love?

minah has found her own love in the spring, only just a year ago, after watching the seasons slip by so often without much romance of her own. 

so minah hopes. she hopes that anyone who will relate to the song hearing it now will find their own spring love eventually. maybe not this season but possibly next, or the one after that.

even if not for many more springs, with every passing year, they’ll be one spring closer to that, and isn’t that enough reason to keep waiting? 

➽───────────────❥

a few weeks pass after that, minah doesn’t really keep track of the time where is so much she’s doing anyway but sooner or later, she finds the same producer waiting for her after she leaves vocal practice for lipstick’s upcoming comeback. 

“c’mon, i need to steal you away for a second, there is something i want you to listen to.” he explains briefly and minah is quick to follow the familiar path to one of bc’s in-house recording studios. 

of course, she knows this is about her solo comeback. she however doesn’t know if her draft got the bc stamp of approval. she might just as well be faced with an entirely different song.

as she takes a seat in one of the office chairs, the producer pulling up a file on his computer gracefully named ‘the spring’ minah feels pretty sure of her case though.

“i finished your song.” he simply says before pressing play.

it’s her song indeed, both of those parts are true. it’s hers, the familiar guitar strums in the background and a demo of her lyrics on top of it. it’s also a song, a full song this time, the blanks that were still missing from her rough draft filled in. 

minah really likes it.

when the song comes to an end, she turns to the producer and smiles. “i like the accordion.” she laughs. “it’s a nice touch.”

[thequibblah]

Not sure how to phrase this properly lol but... curious to know more about how writing fits into your life - like is it something cathartic and enjoyable for you to do with your evenings, do you start to feel pressure of updating from readers - does that motivate or stress you? Basically, love your fic and thinking about how much I want more made me wonder about you as a human and how you have time and motivation, if you catch my drift haha

under the cut bcs this got long <3

ooooh! i had a phase last summer where i was like, 4-5 chapters ahead of what i was posting, which was why i was able to keep up the schedule i did, and that was genuine, 100% fun. in retrospect, it was unreal — i took a break to go on (safe, socially distanced!) vacation and did not write a single word that whole week, maybe made one note in my google doc about an idea i’d had, and came back still ahead of schedule. i rode that high for as looooong as the inspiration kept up haha. 

i cannot stress this enough, though, i was literally eating sleeping breathing come together. as in, i listened to my playlist constantly, i probably worked on it more than i worked on work, i thought about upcoming plots in the shower, i thought about it when trying to fall asleep. like, that was the level of dedication it took to keep up the pace i wanted to keep up — not necessarily in a bad way! the reason i even could do it was that the ideas were coming and i was in a very good place creatively. that’s the exact mindset i have had when writing original projects, like a novel or my senior thesis. the difference is, those are obviously shorter term than this is.

on the one hand, i’ve always written with self-imposed deadlines. like, a couple of years ago, i drafted a novel, and i was like, this is going to be done by the end of the summer. it was done in 20 days because i knew i was never going to have that kind of time when school started up again. on the other hand, there’s a difference between those deadlines — even my senior thesis deadline, which felt like a minor issue because i was so ahead of schedule — and i have to update this weekend, human beings at a scale incomparable to ever before are waiting on me! 

it’s all about a balance between fun and that pressure, and it comes from really knowing yourself as a writer. i know when to give it a rest and not force a chapter, versus when to just sit down and spew garbage because eventually my brain will kick into gear again. i’m a massive perfectionist which can make that hard! there’s already parts of the fic that i’m like ugh i should’ve done this differently — whether or not i have the stamina to go back and add/fix things when i’m finished remains to be seen, and i also don’t know how people would feel about those kind of changes.

i would say that last year after i started regularly updating, i worked on a chapter every week, which usually meant writing after work or on my lunch break. then this january when my parents came around i had a lot less time, so i kind of lost the groove. i do think i need to have the mental space to write, and when that’s taken away from me because i’m trying to do other things, no amount of inspiration or planning ahead can help. like, i came up with ideas from june to november of last year, pretty much, and those ideas are still tiding me over now, which is way better than having to think now when i don’t have the time. i can just check my outline and be like, ok this happens now, let’s do it.

so i guess i would say i need to find the time and motivation for two separate parts of writing — the thinking and the typing. if i have enough of a sense of what happens (i.e. if i’ve done the thinking) then the typing becomes exponentially easier. 

i’m much more of a daytime or nighttime writer — as in, not in the evenings, because that’s when i’m done with work and need to do other things! the best time to write is always late at night for me haha. which...doesn’t always work so well — sometimes i put away my laptop, and then continue writing on my phone just to get an idea out, and then it’s like, two hours have gone by...

i don’t know if this answers anything at all or is just a horde of word vomit, but i hope that’s interesting context for you?

[all-you-need-is-paul-mccartney]

Across The Universe (Paul McCartney x Female!Reader)

A/N: Yeah, I’m totally about to drop this, and a new chapter for TCND today. I don’t know how many of y’all like the Beatles, but I wrote this, and wanna see if anyone will really want another part.

OKAY SO I’m gonna say right now that I do not own, or are affiliated with the Beatles in any way (RIP), and this story is based off of/ heavily inspired by the 2007 movie Across The Universe, but the main characters, Jude and Lucy, are represented as Paul and the Reader. All of the characters mentioned, or are in this chapter (Other than Vick) are either real people, or characters from the movie. 

Although all of the descriptive writing is mine, the concept was taken from the movie. A lot of the writing here has been altered from the movie to better fit the characters and situations they are in. I’ve added/ changed parts that weren’t in the movie in the first place, and I left a little out, again, for the purpose of the plot to kinda make more sense. This fic will be more focused on the relationship developing between the two love interests than in the movie, so lots of iconic scenes from the movie (Such as Prudence’s first scene, Jojo’s introduction to New York, etc) won’t be included in the fic, though those characters will make appearances at some point.

I will make up for the lack of content there with more scenes of Paul and the Reader interacting/ in situations that didn’t happen in the movie.

I advise you watch Across The Universe, or have already watched it before you read to prevent spoilers, bc there will probably be a lot of those. (Watching it when high makes it even better tbh, there’s some trippy stuff in that)

A L S O , In this AU, the Beatles do not exist, although it is set in the 60′s!! Paul is legit just a 23 year old guy who wants to see the world.

Summary: Paul decides to head to the United States; You say good bye to your boyfriend before he leaves for Vietnam.

WARNINGS: Swearing, mentions of War, Mike McCartney calling Paul out on some bs, probably a couple of grammar errors bc it’s like... 5:30 AM where I am, and I haven’t slept yet :)

This little fic will be rated T. just because of the swearing

Prom went just as you'd expected it to: You had a nice meal, and did some wonderful dancing with your boyfriend. Despite the blisters on your feet from your shoes, you disregarded them as a temporary memory of one of the last times you'd see Daniel before he took off for the war.

When he got the letter in the mail, he opened it in your presence. Up until the day he died, he felt guilty for making you one of the first to know of his draft.

He cried in your arms for a long while, and you put all your strength into holding your tears back to bring him comfort in such a difficult time.

America had only just entered the Vietnam War, and it didn't seem real to any of you until the day Daniel got that fucking letter.

After talking it over with him, Daniel proposed that the both of you should just enjoy the remaining time you had before he'd have to leave.

And that's what put you here, in the passenger seat of Daniel's car, his mouth leeched onto your neck as his fingers tangled themselves in your hair.

"My mum and dad are home," you explained gently; solemnly. Daniel pulled away from your neck, instead moving to rest his lips on your forehead. "Of course."

He pulled away completely then, stepping out of the car and moving to the other side to hold your door open for you.

You stepped out, and Daniel interlaced his fingers with yours as you both walked up the drive to your house. The both of you listened to the clicks of Daniel's shoes on the pavement-- you were barefoot, your heels hanging from your fingers.

When he'd brought you up the porch, you turned to lean against one of the house's banisters. Daniel saw the look on your face, the one that just screamed 'please don't leave.'

"I'll be home soon," he said confidently, reaching out to squeeze one of your hands. "They give you a furlough after boot camp."

"And after that?" You never got a verbal response. Daniel just wrapped his arms around you tightly. You squeezed your eyes shut, and hugged him back with all the strength you had.

_____________________________

And at this time, across the Pond in Liverpool, England, Paul McCartney was walking home his girlfriend Molly, who he'd been out at a bar with all night, drinking and dancing to the live bands said bar had to offer that evening (and morning).

"Who'll take me out next week? You'll be halfway around the world." She threw a glance over her shoulder, and all Paul could do was offer her a cheeky smile.

"Well it better not be Phil Scully."

Honestly, Paul knew he deserved the shove Molly gave him not moments later, but he just threw his arms around her with a laugh as they turned down her street.

Paul tried to slip into his back door as quietly as he could, being sure to force a fake cough so he could discreetly lock the door.

He was finally safe. He took the time to puff out the air he'd been holding in his lungs, and he rested his forehead against the door.

"... Finally back, I see?"

Paul cringed.

Fuck.

"Yeah... sorry, Dad."

Paul turned around, and sure enough, there his father was: at the table, an empty plate of crumbs sitting in front of him, a cup of tea in his hand, and the Liverpool Echo in the other.

"Your brother just got home, too," Mr. McCartney mumbled as he brought his mug to his lips.

"He was with his girlfriend."

"I was, too," Paul defended as he opened the refrigerator and snagged an apple off one of the shelves before kicking the door shut and leaning against the counter.

Mike, Paul's brother, had just stepped into the kitchen with the same intention as Paul: getting breakfast.

"Mornin!'"

Paul nodded his head to his brother, mouth already full of apple.

"But I know who Mike's girlfriend is, James."

"Ooh," Mike smiled wickedly. He'd come in at just the right time. "Yeah, James, Dad knows who my Bird is."

Paul cringed a little at the name. James. The only people he really allowed to call him James was his parents.

"I just haven't... found the right time to introduce her, 's all," Paul excused after he swallowed. To avoid saying anything else, he went in for another bite of the fruit.

"No, it's because I actually love my girlfriend," Mike chortled as he popped a slice of bread in the toaster by Paul's arm, which just resulted in a playful shove from his older brother.

"I love my girlfriend," He argued back.

"But have you even told her that?"

Paul rubbed the back of his neck. "Well... not exact--"

"Point proven," Mike pointed to his brother, eyeing his father proudly.

"Look, all I'm saying, James, is that clearly, if you're stalling an introduction, you don't plan on keeping her 'round," Mr. McCartney explained.

"Dad, it's... it's complicated." Paul was rubbing the back of his neck again before taking another bite from his apple.

"There's just no point in wasting your time with someone you're just gonna throw away,"

"Whoa whoa whoa," Paul put his hands up at his brother's comment. "Who said anything about throwing anyone away?!"

"Well, you are going to America in a couple of days," Mike pointed out, grinning widely as his toast popped. He moved around the kitchen for a knife and some butter from the table.

"You really gonna stay with her when you're gonna have all those single American girls around to choose from?"

Paul didn't answer. He just shoved the apple into his mouth, rolled his eyes, and moved to the other side of the room, where the staircase leading upstairs was located.

He took a seat on the first two steps as he continued eating away at his breakfast.

"Paul, when I was your age-- maybe even younger than you, I met your mother. I knew she was The One after our first date. I took her home to meet my parents immediately."

Paul waited patiently for his father to get to the point.

"If you're not bringing her 'round, maybe she ain't the right one. Just think about it."

No one really said much else. Mike had started eating his toast, and Mr. McCartney turned his attention back to the paper, so Paul went upstairs.

He shut the door to his room when he arrived, and sighed happily at the sight of his bed. He climbed right on without taking his coat off. He kicked his legs up and stared at the ceiling as he finished off his apple, tossing the core into the waste bin next to him.

He understood where his father was coming from, and maybe he was right. But, Paul wasn't exactly looking for a long-term partner like all his other friends had done after they graduated from school.

Even Mikey had hopped onto that gravy train.

Paul was twenty-three. He still had plenty of time to find a girlfriend and settle down. That's why he decided to take off to The Land Of Opportunity. He wanted to get out and experience what it was like outside his dreary hometown before he devoted the rest of his life to a wife and kids, and living as a boring, stereotypical family until the day he died.

Did he have a Visa to legally work in America?

Fuck no. But it's not like that was gonna stop him from finding some form of income, whether or not it was technically legal.

Paul sat up in his bed, turning to peer into his closet.

He was pulling his suitcases from there moments later, and he unzipped all of them to begin packing. There was nothing he really needed to pack rather than his clothes, cigarettes, passport, a photo of his mother, and a small notebook containing all the phone numbers he'd had to keep over the years.

His cousin's number was the one he was particularly packing the book for. Paul managed to convince him to make room for him at his place he shared with his friends just outside the Princeton University Campus, where he was currently studying.

"You're a lifesaver, Vick" Paul mumbled as he tossed the book into one of the suitcases, and zipping it back up.

_____________________________

"Sometimes I feel like you're not tellin' me everythin'," Molly mumbled as she pulled away from the swelling kiss Paul was trying to leave her before he parted for America.

"I just need a break from here, Molly. I'll be back before you know it," he tried to comfort her with his gentle words, but she just looked upset. 

"N'd a break from me," it sounded more like a statement.

"Don't be ridiculous," he offered a smile, but when she didn't really react to it, Paul slipped his fingers into her hair, and threw it behind her shoulder.

"I'll be missing you by tomorrow,"

"I bet," she mumbled, eyes fixed on a pebble on the sidewalk between her feet.

Paul pinched her chin, and tilted her head so she was looking right at him. He looked more serious now.

"I'll write home everyday."

"You better."

"N'd I'll send all my loving to you."

And that's all it took.

"You bastard," Molly tried concealing her grin, but Paul had her wrapped around his finger, and she gave in to his charm.

And not long after, she was giving into another one of his desperate kisses.

_____________________________

"I promise, every day I'll write, babe. I love you so much," Daniel rushed his words out between quick kisses he left on your lips, his hands squeezing your own tightly. He pulled away soon enough to give you a smile, and then the car he was in started driving away. 

His hands slipped away from yours, and you suddenly felt cold.

You wanted to chase after the car, but your feet stayed glued to the road. Your heart felt strained as you watched the car drive off and around the corner.

Good-bye, Danny.

_____________________________

A/A/N: If you want me to continue on with this, please let me know! I really really like the Beatles, and I wanted to give Paul x Reader a try. As always, likes, replies, and reblogs are always appreciated. And I promise, the next chapter to this will be much, much longer, if y’all want it enough <3

[grizztomysam]

Put Me Back Together

Grizzam Reunion Fic

Another one...bc there are a good handful of amazing reunion fics from our talented fandom writers.

Disclaimer...it started as one thing and then grew into this monster a crazy thing that’s probably all over the place but c’est la vie...so here it is people. From the depths of my unfinished drafts list to you. I just Thank the Lord it’s one more unfinished work finally finished.

LOWKEY NSFW and some trigger warning for brief suicidal ideation. 

============================

When Grizz returns, it’s to an angry and chaotic New Ham, now under moronic leaders puppeteered by a literal psychopath, Allie and Will in jail, his friends manifested into some modern type gestapo and his relationship with Sam as uncertain as the future of New Ham. 

Threat of burning into ash is strong and imminent.

He longs to march straight to wherever Sam is, start anew from where they had left off that day he decided to put down his hurt and pride and promise Sam he’d return. Wants to steal him away far from everything and into the woods. But he heads instead for the long trek to the other side of town towards his childhood home, empty and unused since New Ham happened.

He ignores how his lips still smart from their last kiss in the clearing by the woods, so sudden and ending too quick. Ignores how he can still feel Sam’s hot breath, hurried and aching against his neck, hear the quiet whimper when he hugged back, tight, that almost made him fuck it all and stay.

Almost.

But he can’t. He won’t. He mustn't.

Eden has arrived and Sam needs to step up to necessary obligations. Put all focus on keeping some semblance of peace and safety for his family. Becca needs him more. More than Grizz believes he does. Because he does not fit into the equation that is Sam’s life now.

Grizz had promised to come back safe, he did, but nothing more.

Perhaps if Campbell wasn’t sitting on the throne, orchestrating their little world to fall into rubbled ruin....

But things are different now then they had been two weeks ago. So much, too much has transpired.

A new born baby, a young mother and the possibility of everything ending in violent dissonance trumps romantic love.

Because it’s love for Grizz. For years, even from afar, it’s always been love.

Others would argue it was infatuation or some concentrated form of obsession for the forbidden. But you don’t ache like Grizz did or know for certain without hesitation you’d step into the line of fire if ever Sam’s life was in question if it wasn’t love. He would have sacrificed everything if it meant Sam would hurt a little less.

And that one night that had been so perfect he had stayed awake, his eyes wet long after Sam fell asleep, happy and sated, his head nestled close into Grizz’s chest. Stayed awake, tracing sonnets onto Sam’s arm in the dark, because he lacked the courage or his own words to say I love you in the light.

Even if the gnawing sting from his chest to his throat does not ebb after his fifth shot from the secret reserve in the bottom drawer of his dad’s home office. Even if the pain that pricks his eyes and makes his nose run wants to rip him in two when his mind clears once again from the haze and he’s left with nothing but a quiet that screams and won’t let him sleep.

And when he does it’s always filled with brilliant blues, freckled skin that tasted of salt and cinnamon, strong limbs tangled with his and a “Come back to me” whispered in his ear.

==========

A couple weeks pass and he’s proud of his resolve.

Though there is a small part that thrums with an ache. Wonders where Sam is, how the baby and Becca are doing. If she has the same brilliant blues of her father’s. Wonders why Sam hasn’t tried to contact him. He is quick to tamp it down and bury it deep with earth and cement. 

He keeps his head low. Stays home if he can help it, only ever venturing into town when summoned by the current counsel to report about there findings. He and the explorers inform with vagueness, a silent understanding and agreement to not divulge everything to the coup government. 

Because something is brewing. It is with lack of words or official declaration, but the air is thick with promised revolution. If Campbell knew this he had yet to act. But it was a matter of time before everything would come to an angry and bloody head. 

And there will be bloodshed. It’s certain when Campbell has an artillery to his disposal of almost half of the town’s confiscated guns. If only Allie had destroyed them all.

But there was a lot of things Allie should have done. 

It would be a matter of time before plans materialize and a new leader defacto arises among the rebels to free Allie and Will and save New Ham.

Matter of time.

But for now he’ll be a coward. He’ll turn from the pointed looks Gwen and even Gordie keep giving him. Refuse to open or read the growing ignored texts from the explorers and the committee for going home after catching them in a huddle one day hearing “Grizz” and “leader” among the heated but hushed exchange. Because for once he wants to be selfish.

Wants to wallow and be miserable and miss Sam and forget everything that has to do with starving to death, trials and killings, and growing up. 

==============

Week three begins and a brief snow storm falls, turning into sleet and icy roads. Activities lessen, tho the garbage piles still grow in heaps across town. The cold giving small mercies as the stench is not as potent if it had been under smoldering heat of summer. Everyone stays inside with the roads becoming dangerous to even walk the small distance from home to the cafeteria.

No one thinks to salt the road. But there’s not much thinking done under the new regime. At least for rational decisions that will benefit and keep the town afloat. 

Grizz is forced to venture into town. His food rations had gone down considerably low and he needs some type of ointment for a stubborn cut he’d acquired from the expedition that has turned into a rash on his forearm.

He laughs, the sound maniacal and foreign. This human thing to want to survive and live, despite the times when he’d flirted with dark thoughts. Skimmed his fingers against the plastic, orange containers in his mother’s vanity cabinet. Solitude can be loud in letting monsters you never knew you had take havoc. Can be frightening in it’s influence. But he could never do that to Sam. 

He’d promise he would come back. Even if he had to stay away.

=============

Its a slow and bitter cold walk as he inched his way to the nearest store, hoping the free for all terms Harry has laid out to the people hasn’t already depleted there food reserves. He’s careful not to slip and bash his head on the iced concrete below, but the harsh wind is a welcome distraction from cabin fever. He also admits to the sudden sharp want that perhaps he might see Sam today.

His head falls down quick onto his chest as he submits to an almost frenzied energy. It’s chanting incoherent nothings, forming into images of Sam’s lips on his. He can almost taste him. 

Fuck it all to hell because he needs to see him. 

As his feet move by some force that’s tethered to the direction of Allie’s, a pained almost animalistic cry cuts through the air and a thud as something or someone falls fast and hard on the icy ground. He thinks he hears a crack on impact.

His head turns so quick towards the fall, he almost snaps his own neck, eyes blurred against the flurries from the sky.

The figure is laying on its side at the bottom of the steps leading to the loading dock of the convenient store. Its unclear who at first, but it’s favoring its right arm, cradling it against their chest, their head curled into itself. 

When he sees the rust red hair against the garish white, curls peeking through a dark green hood, he knows its Sam. He almost takes a fall as he runs with a speed that threatens to pummel his ribs into his lungs, needling cuts into his already cold, dried and split lips.

Please be okay, the thoughts taste acrid and sour.

He skids to a stop and lands on his knees, immediate in taking Sam’s hooded head into his lap. He’s gentle but shaking, trembling hands cup Sams face, thumbs soothing against cheeks frozen and pale. The smaller boy is unusually quiet, no wails of pain. Its more choked and gutteral, broken hitches of breath, his eyes shut tight, jaw tense and clenched.  

“Baby!” he gasps “ I’ve got you--Fuck!” his lips against Sam’s furrowed forehead. One hand moves down the line of Sam’s bent and cradled arm to see if he can feel exposed bone. Sam winces sharp against the pressure but Grizz feels nothing although its hard to be sure against the layers of coat. 

“I’m here now, it’s gonna be okay” he whispers against Sam’s temple. 

It’s futile assurance. But he needs to hear it out loud. 

Then he feels a sticky wetness against his lips.

It’s blood. 

He blanches but swallows his panic, lifting the hood and combs back hair with a finger to see it’s but a small cut. He wipes the red from Sam’s hairline and from the corner of his mouth into the snow by his thigh, then moves one hand to feel into Sam’s hood and the underside of his head. He steels himself but his fingers feel only matted curls. 

He breathes, pressing once again his lips against Sam’s forehead. Sam has yet to open his eyes, but he’s leaning his head into the kiss.

He lets out a pained sigh, “Grizz?” 

And Grizz almost weeps. 

He tighten his grasp on Sam’s face, gives him another kiss, firm and on his cheek and moves himself back on his haunches. 

He squat and his thighs strain as lifts Sam to a sitting position, gripping the underside of Sam’s uninjured arm and holding steady over his bent one. 

He waits against Sam’s back when  Sam breath becomes more labored and heightened. Grizz sooths his fingers against Sam’s waist and can feel Sam’s stomach move in sporadic spasms. 

They need to get to the hospital now, but Grizz realizes that Allie’s house is closer, hoping to God someone will be there, preferably Gordie or Kelly.

Gripping his back and the underside of Sam’s uninjured arm Grizz hauls him up as gently as he can, gritting his teeth to the pained hiss from Sam’s twisted mouth. They stand for a minute, Sam’s back flush against his chest, his arms wrapped tight around his waist. Then he feels Sam nod twice against his chin, a small but brave sign and his heart is so full for this boy.

He maneuvers himself to Sam’s side, tucking with one hand Sam’s head into the crook of his shoulder, the other still wrapped around Sam’s back and holding firm, Sam’s bent arm against his chest. With careful steps he leads them both towards Allie’s.

============

It’s a long walk as he tries his best from moving too quickly as to keep from hurting Sam more, the only sound is the wind that’s grown angry and harsh, whipping the loose strands of his hair from its topknot hold into his stinging eyes, and Sam’s low whimpers he can feel the younger boy is trying to hold back. 

There’s also a small feeling of shame. Perched itself in the corner of his eye, shaking its judgmental finger in his periphery. 

Because it feels entirely too good to hold Sam again.

The panic and the fear of the moment is gone and now he’s drowning because Sam is in his arms and the universe would have to pull tooth and nail to get him to let go. 

He looks down when he feels a movement against his neck. Tears have fallen now, a blue gaze is looking back at him, dull but coherent. 

And he has to summon some unearthly strength from reaching down and touching lips against lips. 

So he faces forward, blinks hard against the telltale pricking of his eyes, tightens his grip on Sam as they walk onward, a hand cradling Sam’s cheek against his chest and tells his heart to fucking stand down as Sam nips at the knuckle of his thumb that has somehow found its way to his lips.  

============

The house is empty as they pass through the foyer and God he had missed this place. It’s warm and looks as it had more than a month ago before the coups and expeditions and heavy things like Sam being a father. 

He brings Sam to sit on the weathered leather couch closest to the living room archway and motions for him to stay. He’s relieved Sam’s breathing has evened and a warm blush has crept on his cheeks as well as a redness to his lips. 

Lips so lush and taunting, he finds himself moving closer and closer for a stuttered minute. 

But he forgets himself.

With Sam he’s come to realize he always will, because the circuits in his brain backfire and synapses no longer synapse and he’s mush. Pathetic gooey mush.

He can’t help it.

Like he even wants to.

So he forces himself to remember. 

Remember Sam is hurting something awful and he needs to prioritize and compartmentalize. Needs to go find the first aid kit and text Gordie or Kelly to get there as soon they can. He knows the basics of splinting a break if there is even one, hoping again to God there is none, but he needs help.

Turns from the flash of disappointment that flits through Sam’s eyes as he heads towards the kitchen. Pays no mind the feel of Sam’s gaze following him, burning into his back through so many layers until it reaches skin that’s grown coal hot, marked with memories of tongues and teeth. He almost moans as he grips the edge of the kitchen counter, willing himself to stop.

Now is not the fucking time.

It’s a quick search when he finds the a large first aid box in the wood framed glass case by the fridge. He grabs it and hurries back.

Hurries back to something so precious he both wants to swoon and go “Awe” with the same lilt he once heard from Bean after she’d found a baby orphaned squirrel near the football bleachers at school.

Sam has laid himself back, clutching his right arm tight, like a cocooned little thing. His shoes are now off, polka dotted socked feet propped up on the coffee table, and his long lashes against freckled cheeks with his mouth in a pout.

Grizz is sure he’s grinning like fucking goon, but he’s feeling all soft from the lightness he hasn’t felt for a long time that wants to swallow him whole and he’s okay with that. 

“Stop standing their like a creeper and come fix my arm..it still fucking hurts”.

Grizz starts, a piece of errant hair falling in front of his brow, and brushes it back, a nervous tick that always seemed to appear whenever Sam’s around. The boy in question is squinting back but there’s a quirk to his lips and the crinkled lines are showing in the corners of his eyes. 

Grizz shuffles forward, with a rolling of his own and slowly helps Sam back up, propping him with several couch pillows as Grizz settles himself on the edge of the coffee table, the first aid kit by his side.

He taps his finger on Sam’s chin when the younger boy’s gaze gets preoccupied in following the movements of his hands and an almost glazed hungry look stares back at him, lips slightly parted.

Lips that almost always looks bitten and swollen and made for kissing.

He’s definitely going to hell at how fast he feels himself go hard. There has to be some hidden commandment. Thou shalt not lust after ye patient.

He blames whatever Sam is feeling to the drunken haze of pain from his arm and busies his focus on telling the younger boy he needs to take off his coat so he can properly see his arm. Its slow work and he’s trying to be careful but he almost jumps up desperate, wanting to find scissors or something sharp and pointed so he can cut Sam from this damn thing because Sam’s breathing is heavy again and his lips have gone pale from the pain. 

And when it’s finally off he tosses it angry across the room, almost clipping the framed picture of some Pressman ancestor from its hang on the wall. 

The muffled chuckle that answers is worth it.

He’d miss Sam’s laugh. Sam’s laugh, which was some addicting thing he felt he was always chasing to get a high from.

He thanks the Lord above, who’s been unusual in his merciful generosity that the shirt underneath is short sleeved. The freckled skin of Sam’s forearm has turned a mottled angry mix of purplish red and there is slight swelling near his wrist, but there is no broken skin or exposed bone. He signs for Sam to move his arm at the elbow, which he does with little difficulty but when Sam moves his wrist it’s with a pained grunt, his eyes shuttering tight. 

Grizz is quick to grab his other hand, squeezing and encouraging to squeeze back, anchoring his thighs to steady Sam’s own that has now come to be between Grizz’s legs. He wants to spout some poetic line of how he’d take on his pain.

Let me be the balm to your hurt. Can I kiss it away?

But instead hes rifles through the kit for gauze and anything else he can fashion into a makeshift splint while they wait for Gordie or Kelly to answer and arrive.

He finishes wrapping the gauze securely around the splints that’s keeping Sam’s arm straight to the wrist and shakes to activate an ice pack from the kit, placing it firm against the gauzed covering. As he keeps the ice pack in place, he keeps his head down focused on Sam’s arm, anywhere but his eyes and lips, a finger trails the edge of his untucked shirt and slips under to skim against skin now pebbled with gooseflesh. 

His breath grows shallow as he looks up to see Sam’s stare, intense and unwavering, his bottom lip between his teeth. The blue in his eyes have gone a midnight hue. 

Grizz almost drops the ice pack. Or punctures it with how tight he’s now clutching the bag.

“You have anything in there for the pain?” Sam slurs, half signing with his left hand, his gaze travel to Grizz’s mouth, eyes fluttering languid and with purpose. 

He can only nod, his tongue grown thick, words having lost meaning or connection, his brain matter having melted into a liquid mess as he turns slight to rip open a small sachet of aspirin. When he attempts to place the pills into Sam’s free hand, Sam pulls away shaking his head. He tips his chin up and opens his mouth.

Grizz swallows the “Fuck” that wants to spill out, his nose flaring as he exhales and proceeds to offer the pills into Sam’s eager lips, his tongue darting out and its tip licking at Grizz’s forefinger. 

Grizz slips and catches himself with his hands on either side of Sam’s hips before he can fall onto Sam’s injured arm, but theirs a smirk on Sam’s lips as he leans forward, cutting the distance between them.

Sam has a fucking pain kink, his heady thoughts conspire. It’s the only explanation how Sam is currently trying to seduce him rather than writhing in pain.

Fucking wrong choice of words because it goes straight to his already hardening groin. And now surely he’s headed for the deepest level of hell.

“My head still hurts...kiss it better?” 

The words pull him from the fog in his head and he’s all too quick to comply. 

Because fuck it all he wants to play too.

He holds himself up, careful not to put any weight onto Sam and shift his head until his lips touch the clotted cut near Sam’s temple. He nips the spot twice then parts his mouth slight, leaving lazy open kisses that travel down until he’s sucking onto the soft pad of Sam’s ear that’s got the younger boy clutching tight onto the collar of his t shirt, his head lolled back, his spine arching and desperate. 

“Kiss me! I want you!” 

The plea is wanton, dripping with sweat and dirt, that the sudden urge to rut and shed his skin to howl at the moon is strong and overwhelms.

Pushes him over the edge as he grabs Sam’s nape with a growl, crashing hungry lips against hungry lips.

And its fire and ocean water salt and a spice he has no name for but heats the tips of his toes to his tingling scalp as he grapples and wrestle between control so he doesn’t crush and hurt Sam and the encompassing desire to devour him.

He is drunk on the mead of Sam tongue against his; wants the taste to become imprinted into the strands of DNA; wants this to go on and on forever. 

Because he doesn’t know if he can stop. 

Until a loud rapping on the wall and a clearing of one’s throat has him jumping back as if scalded, leaving Sam to chase after his lost lips, brows knitted together, eyes still shut.

“Um...I guess Sam’s all better now?” 

Kelly stands outside in the foyer having the decency to act sheepish. 

But Kelly’s always been kind. And Grizz is tired of pretending and running and staying away.

==========================

Hours later, Sam returns back to Allies from the ER, his arm having been xrayed and confirmed to have a minor hair line fracture to the wrist and forearm and his splint reinforced. Kelly is nothing but professional, doesn’t try to wheedle out details he feels others would.

“Becca’s staying over with Gordie at my place to wait out the storm with Eden. She won’t be home until later this week. But I’ll let them know Sam’s ok and wants to stay at Allie’s since its closer to the hospital.” She offers this with a small smile as she hands Grizz a packet of prescription grade painkillers.

Kelly had always been kind.

And now Grizz, has, once again, Sam’s back flush against his chest as they sit up against the cushioned headboard of the guest room Sam has adopted as his own. 

“It got too dangerous, with Campbell and all.” Sam whispers this, trailing a finger down Grizz’s arm wrapped around his waist, his breath steady and calm, lids heavy, the painkillers doing their job well. Whispers it before Grizz can even ask. 

“That’s why I didn’t bother to talk to you. I heard you’d returned. I wanted to see you I really did.” 

Grizz reassures that he believes with a soft kiss into his palm, intertwining their fingers.

“And I know why you had to stay away and didn’t come back to me” Sam lifts up and turns his neck to kiss him. 

There is no need to repent.

It’s a moment he wants bottled and preserved, placed high above some tall shelf that no one can reach. Not even Campbell and his militia and guns and the need to destroy and hurt and kill. 

But he knows he can’t hide forever. Doesn’t want to really anymore. 

Sam is back in his arms, where he belongs and soon he’ll meet Eden who he certain he’ll love fierce, as much as he does Sam.

And it’s fucking time to fight back. Stop being afraid.

Because he has been. 

Stop using reasons of staying away because it’s safer for all against monsters with human skin. when in reality they are invincible together.

I Love You, he signs onto Sam’s chest and he holds him closer, the moonlight twinkles and casts shadows from the filtering light through the window.

[bongaboi]

Florida: 2019 Orange Bowl Champions

The Orange Bowl between No. 9 Florida and No. 24 Virginia may not have been the most anticipated New Year's Six game when it was announced. However, it turned into an entertaining game of back-and-forth momentum swings with a little Las Vegas drama at the end to boot. Ultimately, the Gators walked away winners with a 36-28 final score. The victory moves Florida to 4-0 in the Orange Bowl all-time and gives it an 11-win season for the first time since 2012.

Monday night was also the Gators' best bowl performance of the decade offensively. They finished 549 yards of offense, the most since the 2010 Sugar Bowl against Cincinnati -- Tim Tebow's final game. Additionally, it gives Florida consecutive BCS/New Year's Six bowl wins for the first time in a decade (2008-09), making coach Dan Mullen the first coach in history to accomplish that task in his first two years at a school.

It also puts the team at 21-5 in two seasons under coach Mullen. Only Urban Meyer had a better record in his initial back-to-back seasons in Gainesville, Florida.

"Just under a year ago, this team was born, and we talked about going from four wins to 10 wins was special, but to go from 10 wins to 11 is going to be a lot harder, and those guys bought into it," Mullen said after the game. "They started working last January, and they worked, they grinded all season long in everything that they did. ... A couple years ago, this senior class, a new coach got brought in and we told them, 'Hey, if you buy into what we're doing, just buy into what we're doing, believe we're going to be successful.' They've done that, they've bought in. Back-to-back 10-win seasons, back-to-back top-10 teams, back-to-back New Year's Six bowl victories. They've bought in, and they've restored that Gator standard, and they get to walk out the door knowing they've restored the Gator standard to what it is, building that foundation of a team."

Gators quarterback Kyle Trask, who was tremendous in place of Feleipe Franks this season, was a little shaky in the game, completing 24 of 39 passes for 305 yards, a touchdown to running back Lamical Perine and an interception; Trask also nearly fumbled the ball, but the play was not overturned on review. Trask's numbers weren't necessarily bad, but a lot of his downfield throws were erratic. It was a good thing for the Gators to have a more reliable weapon in Perine.

"I think this win is huge for this program, not only for the program but also this team and the seniors that bought in when Coach Mullen first got here from Day 1," Trask said. "They worked day in and day out, and as far as my season went, I couldn't be more happy the way that my teammates had my back when I won versus Kentucky, and we just continued to grind every single week and get better each and every single week and here we are winning the Orange Bowl. That's pretty incredible."

While the game was close at times, the only real drama of the night came at the end when the game was pretty much in hand. With under a minute remaining, the Wahoos attempted a trick play by passing to an offensive lineman for a score. The play was called back, though, as an illegal forward pass. Still, Virginia scored two plays later, and while it didn't get the win, it secured the cover.

Here's what else we learned from Monday's Orange Bowl.

1. The Gators decided to run, and Perine was unstoppable: Three of Florida's four touchdowns on the evening came from Perine, a valued senior who totaled 181 yards on 18 touches -- just about 10 yards per touch -- and three touchdowns to receive Most Valuable Player honors. Perine has long been one of the most underrated (and perhaps underutilized) parts of Florida's offense, and he was absolutely untouchable against the Hoos on Monday night running for a career-high 138 yards with 43 more in the passing game. Who knows where Perine will go during the NFL Draft weekend. He may not hear his name called for a while. But he's one of those players who probably meant more to his offense than the stats indicated. He accomplished all of this behind a Gators offensive line that struggled mightily throughout the season, unable to create holes for its rushers. It appeared to step up as well.

2. Florida's defense turned it on for a short while: The first 30 minutes of the Orange Bowl was like a tennis match. Each team was volleying points back and forth waiting to see who would blink first. For a vaunted Florida defense, that didn't seem ideal. However, credit the Gators for drawing up some good halftime adjustments and having a bigger impact in the second half. The pass rush was good most of the night but certainly more effective both on and off the stat sheet in the third and fourth quarters. Florida finished with three sacks, five tackles for loss and two quarterback hurries. Virginia countered Florida's defensive front in the first half with quick passes and a moving pocket with successful results. UVA QB Bryce Perkins even made a few incredible individual plays in the face of that rush. But when it needed stops and negative plays, Florida came through and built a large enough lead that it was able to hang on to a lead late. However, it did ultimately give up 375 yards of total offense, including Perkins' best passing game.

"I'm looking at what they've got coming back. ... I'm excited. I mean, this is only just the beginning of it, honestly," said graduate transfer Jon Greenard, who showed out in his final game. "Last year was a little taste of it. We keep building. We got 11 wins, which is really difficult. So next year, a couple plays this year and we would've been right where we wanted. Next year, they are just going to capitalize off of that, understand where we were this past year, and national championship in my eyes. So we've got that in our eyes now."

3. Perkins will be missed at Virginia: The Hoos' signal caller will be an interesting late-round/undrafted prospect, but there's no denying what he's meant to this program. It took him all 60 minutes, but he broke the school's record for total offense career with 7,910 yards. The mark was previously held by quarterback Shawn Moore. That's pretty incredible in and of itself, but even more so when you consider all the problems Virginia had up front this season. For Perkins to be able to rack up yards running and throwing, usually in the face of pressure, says a lot about his playmaking ability. He didn't have a perfect night against Florida -- he missed a couple of surefire touchdowns that he'd love to have back -- but he also did things like this on his way to 323 yards passing with four touchdowns and an interception.

4. This is why conference tie-ins should be removed: Virginia played hard, gave Florida a game and has nothing to be ashamed about, but let's be honest: a four-loss team shouldn't be playing in a New Year's Six game. Conference tie-ins don't always produce bad matchups in these major bowl games, but in a year like this one when the ACC was average at best, you get this type of result. It wasn't bad, per se, but it could have been a lot better. So what's the solution? Ditch the tie-ins and use the College Football Playoff Rankings to help determine the games? It's interesting that there's so much disdain for the CFP Selection Committee in terms of their selection criteria for the field of four, because you could actually make an argument their process would be better suited for drumming up interesting matchups in these games without being held back by conference tie-ins.

[advernia]

i’m amazed that i’ve been active for at least a couple days straight??? is it the effect of lesser fe3h playtimes + the silly coworker writing challenge at the workplace??? oh well ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

since i remembered i was trying to make work commentary a thing here, more rambling / author’s notes under the cut!

jul 6th // ikerev

push your way through the cracks is the first edgar/mc i’ve written here and while i’ve mentioned there that edgar is my fav out of the cast, i fear that i’ll probably take me a very long time to write another one bc... he’s my favorite. i noticed i have the tendency not to write much (or have finished works) about ships i really, really like despite... you know, liking them. hopefully not - shipping aside, i like exploring the characterizations of enigmatic types like edgar.

about the fic, i pretty much like it save for the second part bc i think i could’ve done something more with it - not exactly change the setting, but expounded a little further on it. i don’t know, it feels lacking somehow in comparison to the first two.

there are a lot of flower-related descriptions tossed here and there, but i think i succeeded in not being so purple prose-y? hopefully! this was pretty descriptive, i guess.

with this edgar fic present, that means i have 2 more red army doods to write about, namely zero & jonah. i was really aiming to make edgar the last one tho haha.

jul 12th // ikerev

weave me into your web is canon based, specifically pt. 24 of sirius’ route where they say ‘goodbye’. note those quotation marks.

i think i wrote this after a discussion i had with a friend about sirius & his route - she read some posts commenting on the route and she wanted a nearby opinion. we got into an agreement: while we do find sirius to be indeed husbando material, his route would’ve risked nothing if they gave him more / emphasized his flaws. his flaws, not mc’s, gosh. 

no, seriously. in my opinion, mc fretting so much about being immature sort of blinds her from the little things that prove sirius is not so composed as he appears to be. it gets even worse when she realizes she’s fallen in love with him, and while i enjoy the black army going kira-kira rabu support team + seth being hopeless suitor, i’m going 50/50 on mc. she’s written to be indeed very single-minded come the war phase and while that’s not necessarily bad since she gets to broaden her perspective as she always does, i think i would’ve appreciated it if she came to most of the realizations on her own by reflecting on them based on how the events around her are progressing; and not simply by sirius / someone else pointing it out for her. no wonder she’d think she’s immature in comparison - it also irks me a bit that she keeps on fretting about her feelings for sirius. this is what i’d be sad to see again in other routes: the romance overthrowing the potential / present character development. 

side note: i understand that in relationships with a notable age gap, maturity / perceived maturity can be a problem - i just wished that the route downplayed on this bc honestly, there are other things more interesting to explore than that angle, like, say; isn’t she from another culture or world or something????????? will those differences affect our potential relationship??????????????

on sirius himself, i recall reading on reddit that one person didn’t pick up ikerev for the reason that the cast is too perfect. that’s a fair opinion. i think i can relate this to sirius himself: while throughout the route you do see some flaws in him, he’s still overall the dude you’d write home about + that dude you’d dream introducing to your parents complete with that suave voice (thank u junichi suwabe). no, i’m not saying that he has to have some unlikable or quirky trait / wangsty backstory, it’s just that in my opinion he’s desirable but not exactly relatable. let him struggle, let me see him rise up from it. show me his humanity. there’s the scene with him and lancelot, but i want more. tho him being afraid of being alone is what i find extremely relatable and endearing about him, very nice. otherwise... well, maybe i have to reread the route again or smth.

anyway. the fic emphasizes actually on his character trait of self-control / restraint. did u know too much is bad for u??? it can reflect that since you hold yourself back too much, it could mean that you’re masking your true feelings, for example. there are various psychological studies on that. *stares at sirius* hMMM.

i took care to be quite descriptive on that kiss scene and at the same time, not to be so emotional on it bc it’s still sirius lol - i believe he’s not one to lose himself completely to his emotions, but he’s not that afraid to succumb to some of it - especially if he actually wants to feel them.

... this turned out to be a rant portion rather than a fic commentary now didn’t it

aug 24 // ikerev (i’m seeing a pattern here)

a beginner’s guide to waltz was seriously just some formatting experiment, then it blew up to something larger. i actually like it tho, it’s cute.

writing oliver is actually fun, not bc of the reason that i can be rude. he is rude, but he’s not like that for just the sake of being so. as seen with blanc, it’s probably a result of habit. why exactly he chose to be verbally aggressive is something i’d like to know in his route.

i have no idea how the relationship shift is portrayed either, but i do hope it’s a mortifying revelation on mc’s part lol. like, lookie here, that little kid with his wee shorts and pretty hat that you hang out with all the time and don’t care about acting so ladylike around was that hot hunk who saved you before! oliver’s so amused and never letting her live it down.

for the line ‘i’m not interested in asking you about a decision you’ve made since you arrived here’: the decision mentioned is mc’s promise not to fall in love & to go home. i think oliver would be one of those routes where he falls for her but wants her to go home anyway, but the difference in his route is that he’s very adamant to make her leave. maybe thinking along the lines of ‘i don’t want you to end up like me’ or something. idk. idk what i’m trying to type at this point, lol.

just some random thought, but i do hope ikerev artist tcg someday draws mc in the game outfits / hairstyles bc she’s actually rly pretty. the description of mc’s outfits / fashion of part 4 of the fic was out of me just staring at the my closet portion of the game. don’t ask - i like the hc of oliver & mc having elegant wardrobes / fashion sense, and since i’m too lazy to check up 19th century london fashion trends...

sep 28 // collar x malice

haunted by something still alive was the result of me thinking about guns. don’t ask me either. maybe it’s also a result of me wanting to write something else that isn’t from my horrendous drafts folder lol.

these were actually nice drabble practices, and the first one i clearly had i mind was shiraishi’s. i honestly think it would be fitting, probably around the start of the route where they haven’t got to know each other so well.

from there on i tried to do the drabbles in the route order i did when i played the game, which was mineo - sasazuka - okazaki - shiraishi - yanagi. but tbh when i was writing it became shiraishi - mineo - yanagi - sasazuka - yanagi again - okazaki, lol. i rewrote yanagi’s and okazaki’s three times.

subtitles have their respective mathematical operations on it - i find it kind of cool and funny that those are their symbols (amnesia had the card suits), but when you do think of it properly, it does relate to their characters.

... never forget that hoshino ichika is canonically good with guns.

sep 28 // ikerev

in absence of glass slippers as stated was a part of one of my first ikerev drafts. still a draft until now, but the portion i posted is one of the ‘finished’ sections of the fic.

i don’t headcanon mc as a respectable lady from a equally respectable house or her being a well-off girl, but i like the concept of her being a self-taught lady of society aka she learned stuff like manners, dancing, and etc. out of curiosity or for more practical reasons like fitting in. 19th century london is still the victorian era, so social class and propriety was still a thing.

her taking off her shoes to practice dancing with ray is a sort of a challenge, actually... his measure of improvement will be based on the times that he steps on her feet / how many blisters her feet would gain by the end of the session, lolol - that’s why she says that stepping on a rock is the least of her problems. pretty hardcore, isn’t she?

thus the title actually - glass slippers (mary janes actually) are pretty delicate, but don’t you think a lady’s foot is much more delicate?

with ray’s fic up, i’ve officially written a piece for all of the black army men! nice.

sep 29 // ikerev

neither heaven or hell is holy shit, an mc-centered fic! hella rad - i was half thinking to classify it as a drabble, but since i decided that drabbles are pieces that i may get back on, i kept it as a full fic instead since i’m happy with how it turned out.

all of my screamings are in the tags, so i don’t have much to add besides that lol. however, the writing here is pretty different, and that’s because i was trying to do a three sentence fic challenge kind of thing. buuuuut it became three paragraphs with three lengthy sentences instead lol.

also, there’s some stuff highlighting mc’s london-er/english-ness. washing powder is the british term for laundry soap. 19th century roofs for royals were usually panels, and wooden beams for commoners. different as chalk and cheese is a british expression. i’m certainly not british but i just like emphasizing the fact that mc is of another culture/world, thus there should be differences in how she perceives things / her mannerisms & actions / her way of speech. i’ve been conscious of that in all of my fics involving her.

actually, i do make it a point to watch her way of speaking. i really like the polite way of speaking of 19th century britain (and also of today), so i try to integrate that despite the fact that i’m not british myself lol. it’s hard to fully convey it, but i try with hoping that it doesn’t seem too off. i should probably look for more references to practice it.

this was a very spontaneous piece with actually minor editing involved, and i’m pretty proud of how it turned out.

[chittapornswife]

LJN0014

(creds to original gif creator!) a lil jeno x reader just bc i can't get enough of him 😩 rip ten my og bias who still is my main bias but I'm out here hoein’ for all the other members smh. hope u like this tho!!! just cause i spent a long thinking about it and I'm actually satisfied with the ending for once? 🤔 anyways! hope u enjoy! ^^ 💘 mood!

genre: fluff  word count: 4.1K type: jeno x fem!reader

summary: you’re a part of the tech team at YG and your sister company SM has asked for you to test out these human-like robots and it doesn't hit you that they’re really human-like until Jeno the bot shows up at your door.

You were very busy.

An extremely busy person with all these new projects coming in for your tech team at YG headquarters. So when your sister company, SM, had one day come into your tech lab while you and your team, Winner, were working on to find cures to this certain robot disease, you were annoyed to say the least.

You all were so busy with the task at hand and had so many other assignments right after it that you couldn't even joke with each other let alone take proper breaks as you ate and worked at your desk.

"Evening, gentlemen.... and... lady."

All of you looked up at the voice interrupting you, your brains so focused on your work that you had to blink a couple of times to recognize the person as SM's promotional director. You cleared your throat and got up,

"Um good evening, is there any way we may assist you? If you're looking for the CEO's office, it's just down the hall, past the potted plant on your right-"

He laughed, cutting you off, "No no no, I came here for you. For all of you specifically."Now everyone stopped tinkering and writing, looking up at him in curiousity. He started to walk around the room slowly, taking in everything your team was doing while speaking,

"I'm here to offer you a chance of a lifetime."

He paused, looking into all of your eyes,

"SM has been working on a top secret project for about 5 years or so now. This project has been government approved already and is set to launch and be available to the world in possibly two years or so, once we find out how the first few drafts are doing. Just to make sure that there are no system failures or glitches that possibly could end up being a danger to the rest of the world."

"What exactly is this project?" Mino asked with his glasses hanging on the bridge of his nose. The man smiled before him with clasped hands,

"This is project Neo-Culture Technology. Or project NCT in short. It's a mind blowing project where the tech teams at SM have created several robots and have made them to have human-like qualities. Down from the jobs that they may hold in the real world. Such as being that baker that you go to grab some fresh bread from, a high school teacher, a worldwide famous actor; all of these can be professions for these robots. We're not trying to replace humans with robots but rather have the bots help out the world since they are so skilled and have the capacity to store so much knowledge in their metal brains than our flesh ones can."

He walked back to where he had originally been standing and the smile dropped from his face as he said seriously,

"And we would like you to test these robots. We'd like you to monitor their behaviour; in simpler terms we'd like you to be the first ones to be able to see how they properly work. We have one robot who's specialized in being a personal assistant and were hoping to grant one of you the privilege in keeping it for about a year."

"Oh so what you're saying is you basically want us to be your test rats."  Seunghoon scoffed out while rolling his eyes. "Hoon! Be polite." You hissed at the boy who scowled, whispering back, "It's not like I'm saying anything wrong!"

The director noticed you all were hesitant by his words and tried to assure you by saying,

"The reason why we have chosen you is because you are the most skilled and professional team under YG. We could have offered iKon or AKmu or even BLKPNK this chance but we think they are not yet up to the standards you all exude. We would like one of you, to take care of this robot who which by the way, isn't difficult at all. He's a well mannered robot and does his best to help others with his set of personalized skills. There will be no troubles at all except there may be some small glitches. And that's where your profession comes in. Because you all are more than capable enough to help find and fix the problems this robot may display, there is no doubt. But I can assure you, that there will be no danger with being around this bot. He's been tested many times before except this time he's going to be tested out in the real world instead of an underground lab."

The man finished his huge speech, which you realized had wasted more time of yours than needed. You looked over at your team and they were looking at each other in a sort of silent agreement than back at you.

"To be honest, I'm fine the way I am, so I'll reject the offer but thank you." Seungyoon spoke. "Yeah me too, I think adding in some bot would just give me more of a difficult time rather than easy." Hoon followed. The other two chimed in and now all of them were looking at you in hope and some slight mischief in their eyes, making you realize that they'd ganged up on you. You let out a huge sigh and closed your eyes, rubbing your temples. You couldn't refuse the offer as it could strain your team's relationship with SM but at the same time you agreed with Hoon, you didn't want any more difficulties added onto the problems you had now. Yet it looked like you didn't have much of a choice.

"I'll take him." You said in an exasperated tone.

"Perfect! I'll let you know when he'll be dropped off and we'll also have a manual for him as well since he isn't running on oxygen and needs gear changes and such from time to time. You nodded out of exhaustion but the man didn't seem to notice and was beaming.

"Alright then! It's a deal! Have a wonderful evening all of you!" You returned to your desk thinking about his words and prayed to any God out there that this wouldn't be a hassle.

It had been a little more than a week now since you had taken on the task of testing out project NCT's robot. And no one had contacted you yet as to when he would be coming. So now here you were, all alone at home, 2am in the morning and making some tea.

All of this stress had finally taken its toll as you had expected and now you had come down with a flu. But you didn't worry much as this had happened before and you could just work from home rather than the office. The other guys didn't mind either and sent you texts if you needed any help or if they needed to access your data. Jinwoo the sweetheart especially called you daily to make sure you were okay and if you needed food or anything.

But you assured that you were fine and just needed rest.

Rest in your world meant as in working from your bed and or living room couch. You were just thinking about how the guys must have been doing at the lab when you heard your apartment bell ring.

"That's weird." You murmured to yourself since it was so late and you weren't expecting any tech packages from overseas. Thinking it was most likely overly caring Jinwoo, you opened the door and came face to face with an extremely handsome guy.

He looked to be in his late teens possibly early twenties as his broad shoulders and impeccably chiseled face told you he wasn't a boy but his innocent smiley eyes told you he wasn't yet a man. You tried not to stare directly into his eyes as you asked, "Do you need help with finding an apartment number?"

Being so used to people mistaking your apartment as their friends or family's. The guy shook his head and smiled wider revealing some gorgeous white teeth,

"I'm here for you."

You were confused now, had Hoon ordered you some stripper or something?!? "I'm sorry, I don't think I recognize you." You said, feeling your palms sweat a little as you clasped and unclasped your hands.

"Ah! You're getting nervous and scared! Wow, this is my first time experiencing someone other than my master as being nervous!"

The guy looked at you in awe, his face flickering over your sniffly and sickened face in interest.

"But to introduce myself properly, I'm Bot LJN0014 or Jeno to be short. It's very nice to meet you my new master." He bowed, making you feel flustered.

So this was the robot. You couldn't believe that you didn't even recognize him as one as he displayed such human like qualities.

"U-uh come in, come in." You stepped to the side, letting his tall frame walk in. He walked in still staring at you as you led him to your living room and let him sit down on your couch. Sure you had been around robots but none like him, so close to being human. You sat at the couch opposite from him and asked,

"Would you like anything to drink?" Then slapped your head muttering, "Obviously he doesn't drink anything he's a robot you dimwit." Jeno laughed saying, "Thank you for asking but I don't really need much to function. Just some oil changes here and there but otherwise I'm fine."

He sat politely still and straight staring at you, almost as if waiting for you to speak. "So...... Um I'm in quite a rush at the moment to complete some tasks. And I wasn't quite expecting you to arrive today and well find me in my pajamas and sick self. So I apologize for that but I do have to work on some things at the moment."

His smile didn't falter as you nervously added, "So you can just um make yourself comfortable. I'll be in my room over there." You pointed to your room.

You got up but were stopped by his warm hand around your wrist. Warm? So he could change his system to convey human heat? "I think out of your best interest that you should rest and I can take care of your work." His voice was so clear and full of joy it was as if he was telling you it was going to be sunny all week.

You looked at him, still feeling hot, unsure if it was from your flu or because of him and shook your head, "No Jeno, I don't think you understand. This isn't simple work I'm doing so you wouldn't be able to grasp it. But thank you for your concern."

Now he shook his head and stood up, making you look up to see his face. "You can check with my personalized manual if you'd like but I am able to help you with your specific job. I was programmed to help anyone with anything so my memory capacity is fairly massive as it holds in a large amount of knowledge."

His face was so close to yours, you blinked a couple times as your heart beat faster. His eyes softened after scanning the fearful expression on your face, "Plus I’d like to help you. I may be a robot but I can understand feelings and health and you don't seem to be recovering well from your sickness. So please let me help, please master."

You blushed again at the name he gave you and sighed feeling sleepy. "Okay, okay fine. You can help me but I'll still be sitting beside you to see how you work just please don't call me master, call me by my name ________, nothing else."

He broke out into one of his wide attractive smiles and nodded fast saying, "yes ________! Anything you say my _______!"

From then on, your life had surprisingly gotten easier. The flu had gone quick since Jeno had done your work and had taken care of you at the same time; making you tea and putting a blanket over you as you slept. And it felt good. You also weren't stressed every second as before and still worked on your tasks but knew that you had help whenever you needed it.

Jeno was also somewhat of an amazing personal assistant as well, since he would get you and your team coffees without you even having to ask, would help clean up the lab and would provide help to the others and their work as well. You and him had become close in a way, like a student and teacher mixed with being friends. He was always there to help you and you were always there to help him since he never left your side almost like a puppy.

But the only flaw was that he didn't have normal human senses. And that really was difficult in some situations, for example right now. Since Winner had finished their previous project which went quicker with Jeno, you all had taken on a new assignment alongside iKon. And you knew Jeno couldn't help you with it since it included having to customize the taste of food, something of which he couldn't experience since he didn't eat.

So you were slaving yourself over finding a way and it had reached midnight. The others had left you as they had completed their part from the useful help from Jeno and now you two were alone.

Whenever you worked, Jeno didn't bother you and instead sat by you and stared at you. At first, you had felt nervous and uncomfortable by his stare, but overtime had realized that he did that because he wanted to input your features and expressions in his memory as he was still learning himself.

You were his main glimpse of the real world, with your full range of expressions, soft voice and overworking tendencies. Though often, while you changed his oil, you had to remind him that every person was different and that not everyone he met would be like you. But he would just stare and smile at you with no response.

"Why can't I understand this!?" You growled out. There was a slight temptation to just throw all the paperwork and delete everything on your computer that was making your hands twitch.

"What's wrong ________?" Jeno made his way over to you, leaning over your shoulder to see the computer screen.

"It's nothing, or well you won't be able to help because it's not in your ability to."

"I still would like to see if there's any small part I could help with in order to make your work easier for you."

And there your heart went with the fluttering. You’d thought that over time you would be less and less affected by his genuinely kind words but it had been the opposite. Not to mention his personality had changed a bit as he had begun to take on some similar aspects of your team members of course since they were always around him. He had learned how to joke, understand sarcasm, know what to say when people were upset and had learned to dress better when all of the guys had taken him out after work once to get a "more fly" wardrobe. However he still spoke to you in the sae formal tone.”

And here he stood beside you, in a simple red and black flannel with a short-sleeve white shirt underneath, some black joggers and adidas sneakers. His pitch black hair had stayed in the same neat style as when he had first met you. That was one of the things you liked that he hadn't changed about himself. Sometimes you’d really forget that he was a robot and not human, which often made you wonder how he would've been as a person in the real world and if you ever would have become friends.

"__________? Are you okay? You seem to have this look in your eyes...... I've seen a couple of elderly ladies and quite a few younger females look at me in that way before. I believe it's the emotion-"

"Jeno could you please grab me a glass of water and a granola bar. I'm awfully hungry and tired so I think I'm gonna rest for a bit." You quickly interrupted before he could continue what he was going to say.

Because you knew exactly what he was going to say.

"S-sure." Jeno responded a bit confused. Very rarely did he ever show a lot of other human emotions besides happiness unless he was truly feeling them inside and didn't think fast enough to cover them up. So he was truly not understanding the situation. As he went over to the far side of the lab towards where the kitchen was you put your head in your hands and took a deep breath.

You really had to get better at controlling your thoughts around him otherwise he'd be able to read your expressions clearer the next time. "I wish he wasn't so cute." You mumbled to yourself before fixing your hair and going back to figuring out your problem. Jeno came back shortly, a glass of water and a banana instead of a granola bar in his hand. You groaned at the sight while he walked over with a cheery, optimistic smile.

"You know, you should stick to your "less sugar" diet and opt for something healthier like a banana!" His thin crescent shaped eyes made you want to smile back at him but you were too grumpy with the lack of sugar to do so.

"Thank you Jeno. You're always keeping me on track." You complimented him to let him know that you appreciated his kind thinking. "It's what I was made for." He gave another smile back except this time with a bit of something else hidden in his eyes which was..... odd.

"I probably need to check up on his gears and control system...." You thought to yourself as you kept staring at him while your eyes were drooping.

"_________, I really think you should get some sleep and figure this out tomorrow." Jeno's face was becoming a bit blurry but you didn't miss how his voice had lost the cheery tone and instead almost sounded like yours when you were teaching him something. The student had begun to teach the teacher.

"I'm fi-ne." You yawned out and rubbed your eyes, observing and trying to remember how his serious face looked so you could write it down in your journal where you kept notes about him. You lazily smiled up at him with your half-lidded eyes while he just pursed his lips and walked over to the seat beside you in silence.

Now you knew for sure that something was wrong but you figured it didn't seem like too much of an emergency if he was just displaying new emotions, so you continued with your work. Except, only a couple of minutes in, your struggle to keep your eyes open had failed as you stopped moving your computer mouse and your head kept dropping down to your chest.

All of a sudden, you felt Jeno's strong hands move your chair and pick you up by the waist. In your half asleep state you didn't quite care as you wrapped your legs around his waist and rested your head on his shoulder. You should've been in shock but you just enjoyed the comfort of being held by him plus you were far too sleepy to care.

He carried you over to the couch by the window and gently laid you down as you looked at his concerned face through half lidded eyes. You curled up on the couch as it was a couch that sprung up to be a bed just in case anyone wanted to sleep overnight. After laying you down, he opened up the bed and took off his flannel, draping it on your upper body. You snuggled into the warm shirt and smelled in all the Jeno oil and cologne smells embedded in it.

You felt him sit down beside you and treating him like the teddy bear you slept with, you snuggled closer to him. "(Y/n), w-what are you doing?" Jeno whispered taken aback by your actions.

"I just wanna sleep beside you." You mumbled your honest thoughts to him.

"I just wanna cuddle with you and be embraced by your warm cozy like fire arms." Your eyes had closed now as you held onto his waist and felt your self drift away into a dream. But before you were totally gone, you felt Jeno take your hand off of his waist, which didn't surprise you as he was probably wondering what was wrong with you and why you were taking advantage of his warm body.

But you couldn't help it. You liked Lee Jeno.

You liked LJN0014.

And you knew that it was wrong but you couldn't stop it. And the next morning when you woke up pressed up beside him, his arm underneath your head as he stared at you with a look of curiosity and that other unidentified emotion again, it made it all the more clear to your heart.

"_________." Jeno looked deeply into your eyes while softly speaking.

"Mmmm?"

"I watched this drama with Seunghoon the other day, it's called 'I am not am not a robot' and after analyzing it I got to understand more behaviours of humans. I also got to understand that though the main female lead was not a robot, she ended up falling in love with the man she was helping and he fell in love with her while thinking she was a robot."

Your heartbeat increased because you had absolutely no idea where this was going at all but knew it including most likely you liking Jeno.

"And I thought that it's similar to our relationship. Except I'm a real robot and I'm not treating you from your disease rather aiding you with your work. And after analyzing very well and being very curious, I would like to try something. But the only person id be able to try it with would be you."

"W-what would you like to try?" You softly whispered with your heartbeat accelerating.

"Can I kiss you?"

Those 4 words had you in complete shock as your mouth was wide open and you held your breath to stop the throbbing in your chest.

Was he serious!? Was this a dream??

"J-Jeno I-I -"

"I wouldn't have asked you this (y/n) but I have started to realize that you have let me feel another human emotion. And it makes me want to kiss you and hug you and always touch you. It also evokes some fear in me as I have never felt this emotion with so many other emotions that I have in my system and I don't even think it's possible to feel this way but when I look into your genuine eyes and feel your soft hands on me, it makes it clear to me that you must be feeling the same way too." He took in a deep breath, mimicking what he had seen in movies before an important moment.

"So may I kiss you?"

"I-I-I haven't brushed yet. I can't-"

Jeno smiled slowly catching you off guard.

"I don't have the ability to taste remember?" His eyes twinkled with amusement as you laid there, your lips twitching up and he murmured "I'll take that as a yes" while getting closer to you and gently touching your lips with his.

With your busy work schedule you didn't have the time for relationships or kisses or anything so you had forgotten how it felt to touch so intimately with another. And it was pure bliss.

Jeno's human-like features also included his lips to be incredibly soft and plush like rose petals as you slowly started to move your lips against his. You could feel your body begin to heat up as his other hand rested upon your waist and your hand was on his chest.

Eventually, you had to pull away to breathe while he kept going for more which made you giggle.

"I *pant* don't have enough *pant* capacity in my lungs to *pant* keep up."

You laughed some more as he pouted looking like a little puppy wanting more.

For once, all of the thoughts about work and your future that had been occupying your mind were thrown out and in their place was Jeno. For once you had something else that gave you a purpose to wake up in the mornings besides a cup of coffee. Jeno stared back at you with the same unidentifiable emotion twinkling from his eyes to which now you had identified.

Love.