#had to let that thought out my head

[boba-beom]

ssmiles’ tispy thoughts,, hard thoughts!!

you go out day drinking with your friends as well as beomgyu and his friends. the whole time you’re talking in the group, laughing here and there and cheeks burning up. but not just from the alcohol but from beomgyu continuously running a stray hand over your lower back and occasionally up and down your thighs, inching higher up your inner thighs and gving them a squeeze.

why can’t beomgyu keep his hands off of you? because of your short sundress with dainty flower prints. the hem sits halfway up your thighs when you sit down, inviting enough for beomgyu’s hands to wander on their own. he also loves the square neck on your sundress, the light from the sun casting shadows that accentuates your cleavage.

beomgyu can’t help it when he leans his chin on your shoulder, peering over the exposed skin on your chest and watching them intently when you move your hands as you talk to your group of friends. the other parties would have to be extremely oblivious of your sweet, tipsy boyfriend being a perv an not really hiding it.

and when a few hours have passed, your beloved tugs on the skirt of your dress, whining in your ear about how he wants to go home–which you agree to.

coming home with beomgyu’s plush lips smacking wet kisses all over your neck and chest up to the neckline of your dress.

“oh beomgyu,” you whine once his fingers scurry under your skirt, reaching for the hem of your panties and pulling them down your thighs.

“can I? please, please please?”

his begging has you melting under his touch, gentle fingers sliding through your slicked up folds and his lips nibbling at your earlobe. his broken moans contributes to your core leaking out more arousal until he pulls his fingers up against your nub. ghosting over the bundle of nerves until you give him the ‘go’.

“my baby’s been so needy today hm? think I didn’t realise earlier?” you hold onto his hard on through his cream cargos. the flimsy ones where you can see his bulge if it wasn’t for his baggy tshirt.

“mmph- ugh wan’ more baby.” his head’s thrown back, teeth grazing over his bottom lip.

“how embarrassing. you couldn’t contain it, and in front of our friends too?”

it’s your turn to ghost your lips and teeth over his neck, sucking, kissing and nipping over and around his prominent adam’s apple. incoherent words of begging and your name falls past his lips.

“gonna show me your fingers can do better than just skim over my skin like a perv?”

you watch his brown locks shake as he nods his head desperately. “gonna finger fuck you so good, gonna have you cum so many times.” he grunts through gritted teeth.

“go on them mutt. show me, don’t just say it.”

you let go of his bulge, taking a tight hold of his wrist and inserting his two slender fingers into your cunt, sinking them in further until they’re curved up the way you like it.

“that’s it baby, hah- that’s my good boy.”

© BOBA-BEOM ; all rights reserved. do not repost, copy, alter or translate in any way or platform.

[uncharted-constellations]

Robins can be found with a variety of patterns, colors, and shapes. However trying to use their appearance as an indicator for their nature would not be advised. All Robins, in their own way, are capable of quite dangerous feats, and are not to be taken lightly.

[jadewritesficshere]

Thinking about Eddie Munson who was complaining to the rest of the band about his shoulders and neck hurting post show. One of them convinces him to go for a massage.

Eddie shows up day of and is told to strip to level of comfort and get under the sheets laying on his back, his masseuse will knock before coming in. Eddie has not an ounce of care or shame, strips completely naked. Scars and tattoos on full display. He climbs between the sheets and waits. After knocking and hearing a "come in", his masseuse enters and-

The most handsome man he's ever seen walks in. A bit of stubble on his defined jaw, soft pale lips Eddie wants to kiss, big brown eyes Eddie wants to get lost in, slutty little waist and an ass Eddie could-

He introduces himself as Steve. Verifies where Eddie had said his tension was on the form he hastily filled out. Then it starts.

And maybe, maybe, Eddie is a bit touch starved. He could have anyone he wants, but they don't want him just his fame. Pushes them all away. Only gets close to his band, but they all are busy and have their own people outside of work.

And Steve is just touching him. Rubbing smooth circles into his temple, down his cheekbones towards his jaw. Pressing on parts of Eddie's face he didn't even realize were tense. It's relaxing.

And Eddie regrets not leaving at least his boxers on to help hide that he's becoming hard. Kind of embarrassing, which makes his dick harder- which, that's a lot to unpack right now-

"Hey, relax man," Steve says, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. Eddie can see Steve's eyes dart towards the obvious situation," It's natural. Happens to the best of us." "Does it happen to you?" Eddie blurts out. Eddie wants to shove his face in one of these soft plush pillows and scream, but Steve just snorts a laugh and shakes his head at him. Doesn't even respond as he continues the massage.

Eddie tries to hold back his groans as Steve turns his head to the side and rubs his neck into his shoulders. He can feel the tension leave his body slowly. Feel the knots in his muscles release.

Eddie can't, however, hold back the noise he makes when Steve grabs a hold of his hair and tugs it. Eddie's eyes pop open and he stares into Steve's face, who has started blushing. Steve just clears his throat and let's Eddie's hair go before continuing the massage.

[cry-ptidd]

"And she had brown eyes like a lamb, innocent and golden"

[i-am-not-a-who-i-am-a-what]

so about the header that proceeded today's statement:

Viability as agent: Low

Viability as subject: None

Viability as catalyst: Medium

i didn't know what to think of this part of the entry at first, but the longer the statement went on... was the institute in this universe trying to manufacture avatars?

the dice can't do anything without someone to use them, they can't be an "agent" by themselves, but might be capable of manipulation, so in that aspect their viability is "low."

the dice could be a "subject" in the sense that they could use further studying, but the statement itself was a very thorough investigation of their workings, so in that aspect their viability is "none."

the dice seem to influence their holder to roll them, or at least find more victims to roll them, and could therefore be described as a "catalyst" for someone's becoming. but, as seen in the statement, their owner can give the dice to someone else (albeit not without consequences), so in that aspect their viability is only "medium."

so what about the line following all this, what does "Recommend referral to Catalytics for Enrichment applicability assessment" mean? if we go by this interpretation, i'd say it could mean the institute wanted to find a way to make the dice even more potent as an artifact, maybe even remove that pesky ability for their owner to reject them.

imho all of this this brings a whole new level of context to the events of episode seven, of unknown violent agents going after an influx of objects that seemed straight out of artifact storage. was that the nature of the titular "magnus protocol" first mentioned in episode four, the one that involved the starkwall group? containing or destroying potential artifacts before the institute could get their hands on them?

it also makes their "gifted kids program," and sam's link to it as one of the kids being studied, all the more horrifying to think about. was it not just avatars in general they were after, but child avatars specifically? no wonder gertrude got so defensive over the possibility of sam and celia dragging gerry back into the institute's business last episode, we all picked up on her clearly knowing more than she's letting on but now we might know the shape of that information a bit better.

and one final bit of food for thought... this statement had a lot of familiar themes, didn't it? free will or the illusion of it, gambling and not-so-random chance, the statement giver being done in by one final hit from what feels like a bit of an addition... all hallmarks of a certain mother of puppets. doesn't it seem fitting that "chester" would use this kind of statement to warn sam about what harm pursuing the magnus institute could bring to him, considering the one his voice might draw from? and doesn't it seem so painfully ironic that his warning seems to have only driven sam further into that web?

[crow-with-a-pencil]

Hi @naffeclipse I'm very normal about your fic. Have some frantic midnight sketches as extra kudos along with some tag rambling :)

[al-luviec]

juvie buddies

[jasperyourmutt]

zonked out on the dog bed snoring up a storm. you come over and rub the soft spot on the top of my nose. i let out the most contented sigh

[adrift-in-thyme]

What if…what if Time were part fairy

[emuanon34]

TOTK Spoiler. :,)

[pifabo]

Not to cringepost about problematic old man yaoi, but upon my rewatch of The Gang Inflates.... errrr I'm gonna cringepost about problematic old man yaoi, sorry:(

Dennis, after finding out that Charlie has been hiding a secret room in his apartment, goes "So you truly have no reason to be sleeping with Frank???" before, immediatley (like SO immediatley), throwing out all of his furniture for literally no reason to share an inflatable couch-bed with his roomate while he experiences anaphylaxis.  What is WRONG with you.  When will you be NORMAL.

How, in that man's mind, does it make sense to ridicule Charlie for his behavior, while at the same time consciously and willingly choosing to do something EQUALLY if not MORE unnecessary in order to share a bed with his short-distance high-commitment long-term homosexual roomate.  Truly words cannot express how unecessary throwing out their furniture was.  Not to mention the fact they clearly had more inflatable furniture they could have blown up in order to sleep separatley.  It was a choice and a decision and on purpose. because he felt like it?? he wants to?? for fun???

Buddy don't throw stones from your glass closet.  YOU are the problem

[yzafre]

it could've been so good - a possible interpretation and extrapolation of 2012 April O'Neil

So, 2012 makes me want to take every character apart and put them back together like a jigsaw puzzle.  The characterization drives me crazy because like.  It’s messy but not entirely incoherent.  It’s like... someone was making a bracelet and picked out a bunch of matching or complementary beads, but then just left them scattered on the table instead of finishing stringing them up.

Similarly, 2012 puts a lot of fascinating character moments on the table but then doesn’t really... do anything with them, or thread them together with any kind of intent, and it makes me insane. 

So this is me, frantically putting my own strings between them like a conspiracy board.  I’ll probably end up meandering through most of the main cast but we are STARTING with April because I’ve already alluded to my thoughts on her in a couple posts. 

And I know, I know, it’s always easy to talk shit and say “they should have done this” in hindsight - and it very much seems like the writers just.  Didn’t know what to do with her for a long time? 

But if you look at the scenes/episodes she’s given, you have the skeleton of an interesting character arc focusing on the desire for agency and control over your life, chasing strength/power, and the difference between the two.

Starting point

Okay, we’re going to start with two key themes I’ve found and go from there: April’s desire to become a ninja, and her whole family-kraang situation.

When it comes to April and fighting, one of the first things I noticed was this exchange between April and Splinter, when he offers to train her:

“If I do this… does that mean I can kick everybody’s butt?”

And then, when Splinter is against it: “Oh yeah, me neither… but I could, right?”

That is the attitude of someone who wants to fight – and not only fight, but to win.  To beat others.  That was… interesting.

We also see, as time goes by, that – when the writers remember to include her – she wants to be involved.  To a reckless degree.

Metalhead: she set up her own research avenue, gathering information on Krang sightings.  Then she immediately goes to sneak in, even though the turtles can’t go out yet – and has her own mini-adventure!

Panic in the Sewers: she approaches the Purple Dragons with the pizza plan of her own accord.  She volunteers to spy on the meeting with the Shredder the moment the turtles look to be giving up – even when they are very against it – and keeps going when her first plan doesn’t work.

In the next season, after she’s been training for a while, you have the Kraang Conspiracy (incidentally, where she gets a big lore dump about her family’s connection to the kraang): she’s trying to get involved in their training/missions, upset about not being able to keep up -  she refused to be left behind to wait “like some stupid sidekick”.

“I want in on the action, too.”

She’s not theatrically bombastic about it as Casey is, but… She wants to be in the game so bad.  She is consistently frustrated when left behind, when reminded of ways she can’t keep up.  She volunteers herself to get involved, even against the turtle’s recommendations at times.  Insists on it.

This continues even as she improves, as she’s more often on the team – look at City at War in season 4.  April is so thrilled to finally be a “full fledged ninja”, but frustrated when Raph points out how much further she has to go, and does not deal well with being defeated by Shinigami so easily.  First it’s simply self-doubt, yes, but when she sees Shinigami again there is impulsiveness and anger. (yes there is some influence by the Aeon crystal here, BUT).

((Also sidenote, it was also Raph who specifically brought up time spent training with Splinter, and what it takes, back in the Kraang Conspiracy.))

((Also also, don’t love the cattiness/pitting girls against each other way this episode is written.  But for the observation section we use what we’ve got.  Sigh.))

All of this put together: they are giving April a very active, driven personality, who is interested in being able to fight, being involved with taking on the bad guys, and being a main player in confronting the world around her.

HOWEVER – she's often only middling-levels of successful, when she’s not side-lined.  It’s a show about the turtles, so they have to save the day, right? ....right? no

Now, the other half of her we’ve got to talk about is her, the kraang, and all the effects that has on her family.

When we start the show, her mom’s already gone, and it’s just her and her dad – thus why she ends up staying with an Aunt.  We don’t know it yet, but that’s important.

So, she loses her father in the pilot – it's how she meets the turtles, why she continues to interact with them (and at this point from the writing it’s not entirely convincing she would stay in touch otherwise – to me Mikey's “You have to like us” comment feels very real, early on).

She gets her dad back, but he’s compromised, leading to events in the Season 1 finale.

((Not her family, but the one “normal” friend we see her with turns out to be a Kraang in disguise, so like.  That’s also interference in her life.))

Season 2 opener, she loses him again – this time to mutation.  Her hallucination in the fear mushrooms episode was about bats/her father, remember, so the state of her father is front and center for her – and with only one parent, why wouldn’t it be?

When they cure that, it’s not long until the invasion.  And he gets mutated again, left behind with the rest of New York.

We found out her family line – her mother specifically – was part of a project by the Kraang.  April is the end result of this genetic manipulation, a tool to finish their goals.

These are all things that are done to her, which she has no control over.

So, we get an (ostensibly, when April isn’t being put on the shelf by the narrative) active personality, contrasted against plot developments in which things keep happening to her.

These are the two rocks I’m banging together to create the lens I’ll be interpreting her character through.

What do you do when your fate is never in your hands?

So, let’s go back to the beginning, and let me show you the context I’m looking at:

You are a smart, promising, self-motivated girl, who despite the loss of a parent has a generally good life.

And then you get attacked, and though you are rescued your father is not, and despite your best efforts, there’s nothing you can do about it.  You’re helpless, largely having to depend on these strangers to save your future.

But then you get the offer for martial arts training – you can learn to fight back.  Where you have been made powerless, you can reclaim power.

As you go deeper in the rabbit hole, you learn more truths – you have a strange power, the enemy is somehow connected to your lost mother, your very DNA has bene tampered with, your fate altered for someone else’s benefit before you could even walk.

You get your father back – he's mutated again.  You cure him – he's lost to an invasion.

You can’t do anything about it.

You find out the real truth of how the Kraang stole your mother from you.  More ways you never had control of your life, your fate – how everything about you was manufactured, out of your control.

You keep trying to get stronger.

And yet, despite your best efforts, you keep getting left behind.  This entire situation has to deal with you: your life, your father, your history – but they keep saying: you can’t keep up.  Your best is not enough

Even when you finally graduate, you’re met with reminders of how much further there’s left to go.  You’re met with enemies who are better than you, who you can’t defeat.

You keep trying to get stronger but it’s never enough.

…hey, The Power Inside Her is making more sense now, isn’t it?

((Aren’t you tired of being nice?  Don’t you want to go ape shit?))

Even the trope that she occasionally touches on – which generally annoys me – of “character who is clearly unqualified tries to force their way into the mission” gets a different view to it, because it’s not about a generic “want to be included” or “but I am good” (you are not).  It’s... it’s this tension of “my agency keeps getting stolen from me, so I’m resisting when people tell me no to something that will let me get it back”.

Now, to be clear, I don’t think this connection was well executed – and I’m extremely skeptical whether it was even intentional, but you can make the connections if you want to, and isn’t it interesting?

Where could we go with this?

This is the extrapolating section, and is admittedly just a fun thought experiment for me to indulge myself with – but if the story were to take this direction more explicitly, what could you do with it?

First off, to make anything work, you need to let the POV sit with April and her grief occasionally.  Show her away from the turtles, how she’s handling the change in her living situation, and also how losing her Mom young affected her/is currently impacting her.

To adapt the story we already have, I think you could lean into her not being personally invested in the turtles early on – her focus is on getting her father and her life back.  It’s not that she dislikes them, it’s just her headspace isn’t in the “make friends” mindset – they're co-workers or team-mates, not real friends.

(Of course, that’s not going to hold up, long-term.  Genuine affection for them starts slipping in when she’s not looking – but it’s always competing with her focus on her dad, and will frequently lose to it.)

I think you could – probably mostly in season 1 – make some interesting tension between her acting with a sort of professional distance, versus the turtles (maybe minus Raph?  He was always the most skeptical of humans) wanting to make a friend for the first time.  You’d have to actually dedicate time in the episodes for relationship writing rather than just the plot, but it could be done!

Then, the period where she splits from the turtles at the beginning of season two could be a really make-or-break moment of clarity.  Her (mostly subconscious!) view of “turtles as tool to regain what she cares about” vs the honest affection for them that snuck up on her.  Grappling with the way her anger is complex and misplaced – she's angry this keeps happening, that she’s involved with this at all – angry because – even if she can’t put this into words – the turtles were supposed to be the thing that makes this better and now they made it worse.

Again, you need the camera to be on April more for this to pan out in any kind of sympathetic way!  Show the empty spaces where her Dad should be once more, show her thinking about/instinctively reaching out for the turtles for little social things, but then stumbling over it.  You gotta show how she’s feeling about the separation and not make it all about Donnie.

So when she comes back it’s a firm choice on her part to move past (a part of) her issues – and yes, you can still have Casey Jones be the one to hit her over the head with this emotional revelation, I liked their interactions in that episode.

Jumping tracks, this interpretation is also a big part of why I think she should have been positioned as closer to Leo, rather than Donnie (apart from just giving her some space from the love triangle).

Of the turtles, Leo is the most invested in The Plot – and April is obviously personally invested in the Kraang side of it.

Beyond that, April shows investment in getting better as a fighter.  Who else values improving their martial arts?  That’s right, Leo.  And April’s quitter than Casey, enough that I think she’d be interested in discussing some of the more philosophical parts of it that Leo likes, you know?  What it means to be a ninja, or whatever.

Under this paradigm, I think they both would exhibit a.... a demeanor of responsibility?  Feeling the weight of importance of dedicating yourself to getting better?  But their underlying reasons are a bit different.

Leo has the burden of being a leader – and the tension he feels with the weight of it, wanting to be able to let loose, to do something just for him. ((Not to mention living up to Splinter’s expectations.))

April is desperate to get her agency her father back.  In this circumstance it would have this feeling of... if she’s just strong enough, she can fix it all.  She can prevent it from happening again.  She can control her life.  Even when she moves past the subconscious “the turtles are supposed to fix it”, it instead could move on to an equally subconscious, “if I’m strong enough it will fix this”.

And – okay go with me here – I think this has April showing vaguely Leo-esque behavior, with a vaguely Raph-esque reason.  And that tension/dynamic could be fascinating.

I haven’t really seen a lot of talk about April being angry – other than I think I’ve seen some bashing takes of her being “bitchy” in the worst sense – but.. she kind of is, isn’t she?  Just a bit?  And with this interpretation you take it and let it run deep underneath it all.

She is angry and doesn’t realize the depths of it.  She is hanging all her hopes on martial arts giving her control back over her life and doesn’t realize how desperate she is for it.

With that, you could do some really interesting things of having her be close with Leo, have him think he understands her... but as she begins to crack, and everything she’s been repressing starts spilling out, have Raph start recognizing parts of himself in her, gaining understanding of her while Leo is still floundering.

I think it would add some texture and push growth for all three characters!

...and, -sigh-, if we’re going to talk about the love triangle.  You could look at the mess with “the boys fighting over her and making moves in uncomfortable ways” (she can’t control them, its confining, she needs the turtles to like her early on) for some thematic relevance – perhaps with a hint of “trying to gain back control, she begins to try and manipulate/control their reactions/affections”?  Not particularly healthy, mind you, but it could be done to make it more of a clusterfuck all around.

But honestly if it has to be here, I would prefer for it to just affect Donnie’s development and be more of a background thing to April while she focuses on all the above aspects.  Her biggest actions would be just trying to dodge it all, until she shuts it down for good, given she seems generally uninterested.

So, there’s my emotional conspiracy board on April O’Niel.  Obviously with this level of interpretation (and blatant re-writing) it’s a subjective, YMMV type thing, but I think the groundwork is there. 

And it could have been so good.

[chimerahyperfix]

RECIPE OF THE DAY

[OR: This was the most upsetting alternate looper option]

Long post because i have been cooking this in my brain for like, two months, and it's all-consuming. Also I'm not in the Discord yet because Anxiety so my ramblings had to go somewhere, and what better than one big fucking post yknow. I cast spell of fuck you mind blast on the tag/lh /j

TLDR for below: Siffrin words his wish differently, Bonnie gets trapped in a time-loop, and despite saying they're in a timeloop repeatedly nothing works and no one can help them. The normal ISAT absolute horrors ensue.

CONTENT WARNINGS: the normal ISAT tags [death, violence and trauma, suicide, self harm and unreality], Notable Pin on child endangerment and death, poisoning.

most of these get discussed ^ even if shortly

SO. THIS AU.

This is it this is my big one. Ignore me pushing the literal 12 other isat aus I have into a pile pls this is THE big one. I’m looking at the note I’ve stored all this lore in on my notes app,and it’s like. 35 fucking pages?

I've looked at a ton of alternate looper aus [that's part of the hyperfixation babeyyyy I need to consume ALL content forever and ever and ever] and I was like “oohhhh I wanna do that!!” So I literally just listened to music until I caught an idea and yikes. Looking at the AUs playlist now [it’s about 100 songs! Oops!] and I’m like [cartoony image of me laying face first on the floor]

This is a bit scattered because I wrote it over 3 days instead of working on the fic I’m supposed to be writing ooopsieeeee. Ramblings belowvvvvvvvvvv

It begins as simply as the game does. No one knows how to wish properly; so Siffrin wishes, because they know how to. The same folded leaf, repeated three times wish. Close to what is said in canon; different enough for the Universe to read it differently. No longer does Siffrin loop, because the wish isn’t about him, it’s about Bonnie and their sister. Siffrin’s wish is construed as “I wish Bonnie’s wish would come true,” and even if the Universe can’t hold onto Bonnie’s wish as they did it wrong, it CAN hold onto Siffrin’s.

And that’s the base point: EVERY LOOP, Siffrin wishes, because he wishes after he talks to them and that's where they loop back to, and its wish craft goes to Bonnie. A recipe for disaster with how much time they have!

They loop back when Siffrin gets crushed by the rock, because they can’t win while being down a party member. When they touch a tear, or when the sadnesses get the jump on the party and they all go down, or when they use the dagger equivalent [a poisoned snack], or when they get to the King. They Never Beat The King. Think SASASAaP but ISAT.

Bonnie doesn’t fight with craft, but rather craft-infused weapons. The wok and their pan for rock, a pair of kitchen shears for scissors and a cookbook for paper. Snacks for healing and buffs. And they have a cool friend that lives in the favor tree! [they get in fistfights like every five loops. Maybe it would be funny, someone just as willing to spar with them instead of trying to find the right words they can’t find because they’re a kid, if their friend wasn’t ALSO another version of themself, which bonnie clocks pretty late.] They pick up little quirks from their friends, like biting their nails like Belle, and puffing up to look bigger like Isa and stealing Dile's curses and closing an eye to match Frin's in focus. And maybe they start forgetting a little bit, just a little! The same thing over and over will get to you.

So everything essentially boils down to this. Bonnie specifically needs to be strong enough to beat the King, as the rest of the party doesn’t keep experience through loops. For a good chunk of the loops, they take advantage of Siffrin asking them if they need help and drag him into a training lesson that slowly goes from a whole emotional conversation to them quietly listening to Siffrin’s every word. [Siffrin fills this silence with random star facts that pop into their mind. This Is Important It WILL Be On The Test] Eventually the training becomes too tedious, so they start sneaking off to go fight sadnesses— and eventually just punch trees, which busts their knuckles— to get stronger faster! Everything goes downhill from there, with them forgetting to make food to them sneaking out at night to fight more to them getting reckless and uncaring; it snowballs down into “oh this could be considered suicidal confidence”.

Every loop, you say "hey, I'm trapped in a time loop", and EVERY time it is a big emotional thing that exhausts you to the point of going to bed immediately after, and everyone gets antsy and worried, and in the end the anxiety and trouble NEVER ends up mattering because the King still flattens the party every time. [And (shuffling through the sea of my notes for the au), imagine this from their situation for a second; Today, you tell your friends you are trapped in a time loop. They drag you into a long, uncomfortable conversation that makes you cry, and you go to bed with a full stomach and the knowledge they will protect you, and you will protect them. You make sure he doesn't get squashed by a boulder, you make sure they find the key, you make sure they don't die. Tomorrow, you will tell your friends you are trapped in a time loop. They will drag you into a long, uncomfortable conversation that will make you cry, and you will go to bed with a full stomach and the knowledge they've failed to protect you, but they're trying this loop, and you'll still protect them anyway.]

And then the King fight. He grabs them and he kills them and it fucks them up. [it fucks them up, until it too happens again and again, and eventually it simply is just another obstacle you must pass, because the second his stupid hand wraps around you like a ragdoll it’s over, so you just spit in his face to make him press the trigger immediately and not drag it out for forever- imagine the most traumatic event in your entire life, repeated over and over, until it looses all meaning. It’s still traumatic, it’s sewn into your brain forever you will never forget this.]

They tell the party ‘hey, I just got murdered’, and if this au was ISAT, it would go from having a memory that gave everyone a defense buff to a memory that literally stops you from winning, randomly attaching to a party member. You couldn’t get rid of it. They’d take every hit for you, and you’d have to loop back, because you couldn’t win with an unremovable memory like that. and that’s why they stop saying things, because if the people you loved would die to protect you, something you don’t want and have the ability to stop, would you stop them?

And so everything collapses, and from that point [the start of act 4] it collapses fast.

WHICH LEADS US TO ENDLESS MY FAVORITE LITTLE THANG

if this is transparent or not I don’t fucking know and honestly. After 2 hours of fighting ibisPaint X to make it transparent I stopped caring. o7

Slight design notes tangent: the fucking. Wispy things around their limbs just kinda move around them- yknow because black holes pull things in and they are one. Their like,,,, face spike design??? Question mark on what 2 call it? It’s designed to look like their hair lol. The little star-dot things on their knuckles are important smile. Eventually I’ll post a full thing 4 them (I have like 2 pages of random doodles of them it’s craaazy)

Endless (or Ness, later on) is Bonnie’s loop-alike. They’re a little angry hater and I based them on the song Black Hole Sun [therefore they double-dip in the space theming, the little scoundrel! Imagine being both a black hole and a partial eclipse!! Damn why you taking all the space theming for!!] which was the song the whole AU was based on! Woah! Damn you carrying ALL the out of AU lore in you! They’re anger over fear while Bonnie is fear over anger.

They make me SO fucking upset. Like. I’m not being funny anymore. This is THE most upsetting character I’ve ever written. They make me cry. My entire schtik is making horror and this little creature is the most upset I've ever been at a creation of mine.

Endless is a Bonnie who, without exaggerating, literally imploded from having too much wish craft in them— hence the black hole theme. They went through an unreasonable amount of loops [i think I noted down 400??? Probably not that many, but hey, leveling is slow when half the time you rely on a scripted event that has like 3 enemies. Never really pinned anything down, but it’s a CRAZY upsetting amount.] and just couldn’t win,, and they eventually broke, and begged for it to stop— and, well, with so much wish craft in them, even without the proper rituals the Universe just couldn’t ignore ALL this wish craft, overflowing, in one spot. They asked for help and it killed them.

And then they were at the tree! And they’re helping a DIFFERENT Bonnie, who they’re upset at because what. What why is this happening? They asked for it to stop, not for a whole NEW Bonnie to exist and to do it all over again, what is this what, stop stop it. And they have to keep watching Siffrin wish, and doom them to their endless loop, and they have to tell Bonnie no, the party can’t help them like they want the party to do because the party never could help them, and it’s just going to bring them distress and heartache. Bonnie does it anyways, until the very beginning of act 4: it goes downhill from there, until they’re worried This Bonnie will end up like THEM.

They’re not the most self-confident type. They give themself the most un-nicknameable name [Bonnie still finds one that fits— Ness. They reluctantly accept it.] [Endless vc: Ness? Like? From Earthbound???] they can think of because nicknames are a love language and they speak it, and they don't think they deserve it anymore because they've Changed, and trade out the nicknames they have for the party for things they learned from Siffrin in their own many many training loops: The Sun, The Moon, The Star, The Sky, and Bonnie is Supernova, because its cool as hell and Siffrin told them that’s what happens when a star dies, and they died. Open foreshadowing. They take to closing the same eye they made Siffrin the Star loose, because if he doesn’t get to see anymore neither should they— even if that eventually becomes a natural thing, something they do now to focus. They talk about a sister they have— had, because their world is gone and she never got unfrozen, they never learned if she was alive under all that icy craft or not, and they’re not Bonnie anymore. Ness is Bonnie, but Bonnie is not Ness.

And so, when act 5 hits, they’re desperate. They can’t see it happen again, because it erased them as a person and it was terrifying enough why would you want to see it happen again? they prepare to storm the house, bevause theyre strong enough to tear it apart themself, get stopped by the party, and essentially they’ve replaced Bonnie for a loop; which would be okay, if failing didn’t mean there would probably be Two Endlesses and No Bonnie’s. By the end of the au, Bonnie, lvl 99, is like bringing a brick to a stare down. Endless, in comparison, is like bringing a bazooka to a fistfight. They can’t face the King, they can’t, it would probably mess something up [the party has them pinned as being a kid by this point— wether they realise Ness acts a lot like Bonnie or not, who knows] so they panic and wave the party off into the King’s room and fights off the remaining sadnesses to calm down.

And the Party brings Bonnie down, and they fight a fake version of their sister [who they win against, even if barely, because Nille is their sister and damnit, Nille would never hurt them, not after giving up her life for them] and they have a breakdown, and then there's two of them. There's Bonnie and there's Ness. Bonnie confronts them and they get in ANOTHER fistfight, bveause how else would two angry ultra-powerful preteens settle things, and Bonnie convinces them to come along, because their identity has been found out and damnit Nille really won't care, Ness is her sibling too.

[Nille approaches the situation carefully, but Bonnie is right: Nille sees the two of them and immediately decides she has two siblings and she wants to protect them. Both of them went through so, so much, and they saved the country and damnit it would be monstrous to throw Ness out to the wolves because they Changed. Aka I was physically incapable of letting Ness dissapear or have a bad ending they deserve the world too.]

I just I jsutt. Auguhghghghhh. au too big in my brain spill it out on the floor it goes everywhere. When you hyperfix on your own au

[tauforged]

good evening sigmoira enjoyers. i come bearing jokes based on a silly conversation i had with my friends a little while back that has been living rentfree in my head for a week

[waitineedaname]

Do u have any transfemme Jiang Cheng headcanons you’re willing to share 🥺 every time you bring it up it makes me unreasonably happy so I would love to hear more about it 🫶🫶

AHHHH no really major headcanons, it's just something I like to rotate in my mind a lot! transfemme jiang cheng is. so special to me. I guess I have a few thoughts

I think a big part of Jiang Cheng's relationship to gender comes from Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan being the models of masculinity and femininity growing up. Jiang Cheng already relates a Lot to Yu Ziyuan, and I think if JC is transfemme, it's a big deal to her that Yu Ziyuan wields so much power. She's an incredible cultivator, a fierce fighter, and generally is a force to be reckoned with. At the same time, she's still a woman living in a misogynistic society. YZY would probably make a better sect leader than JFM, but she's a woman and his wife, and therefore he gets the final say in things

This in turn I think affects Jiang Cheng's feelings about gender and being sect leader. Jiang Cheng has a tendency to prioritize sect concerns > personal desires, and I think in this situation, masculinity is seen as a tool. Even if she knows privately that she is a woman, she would not be public about it because she's already in a precarious position being such a young sect leader. She needs all the respect she can get when rebuilding the Jiang sect, so she stays in the closet by choice. She might eventually come out years and years later, once the Jiang sect is stable and she knows she's not going to get fucked over, but that's really not her first priority

I do think she tells her siblings, though. Jiang Yanli is probably the first person she tells, and she's endlessly supportive. Wei Wuxian is kind of clueless about this sort of thing (see: not realizing he liked men until he got resurrected into the body of a gay man) but he loves Jiang Cheng so he'd be supportive, especially if he learned when they were both still kids. Of course, this makes the tragedy of Jiang Cheng losing everyone even worse. After her siblings died, there was no one who knew who she really was. Thank god for resurrections, huh? fucking hell

in a modern au, I think being a woman would fix her. She would be able to come out without all the other bullshit to worry about, and I think it would be very healing for her. I've known a number of people to go on estrogen who said the effects were more emotional than physical, and I think HRT would be so good for her. I just need Jiang Cheng to be happy goddammit. has she not been through enough

that got long. I guess I had more thoughts than I expected lsdkjflksdjf I also have a snippet from a modern au wip that I don't know if I'll ever continue/finish, but I'll put it under a read more bc I find it funny. I think Wen Qing should crack Jiang Cheng's egg, as a treat <3

Wen Qing knew Jiang Cheng too well. It was something he both loved and hated. There were very few people outside his family that could see through his blustering and read him for who he was, and Wen Qing was one of them. Hell, she was better at it than his own brother.

She didn't hesitate to call him on it either. He wouldn't be forgetting the way she'd looked at him after he introduced her to his parents and told him this explains a lot about you. Rude. Correct, but rude.

Because she knew him so well, she knew the best times to drop these bombs on him. Exposing him when he was in the wrong mood might make his temper flare, or it might make him curl into an insecure ball. Neither were reactions he liked having around her.

Wen Qing knew the best time to drop revelations on him was when he was happy and as close to relaxed as he could get, which is of course why she apparently decided the best time to bring up this particular bombshell was when he was floating in postcoital bliss.

“I'm going to tell you something,” Wen Qing said, her ankle still hooked gently around his calf. “You can't freak out about it.”

Jiang Cheng paused in the middle of pressing lazy kisses to her temple, heart rate immediately spiking. “Now?” he said, incredulous and a little whiny. 

“It's not a bad thing,” she reassured him, gently scratching his scalp. It relaxed him like a charm, though he was still suspicious. “Do you promise to listen?”

“Do I have much of a choice?” he asked, propping himself up on her chest. Her lips quirked in a smile as she looked down at him.

“I think you're a woman,” she said, direct and matter-of-fact.

Jiang Cheng jolted upright so hard he slammed his head into the headboard. Wen Qing frowned and sat up as he rolled off her. “You're going to give yourself a concussion,” she said, accusatory.

“You're insane!” Jiang Cheng said, attempting to sit upright without making his head swim. Wen Qing huffed and pushed him down with a firm hand to his chest. He could throw her off if he wanted to, but, well, he didn't want to. He rather liked it when she pushed him around and climbed on top of him like she was right now, pinning him in place and preventing him from running away from the conversation.

[hamartia-grander]

so my general paranoia has always been pretty bad (hi ocd) but I thought it was more manageable the past few years as I've matured and gotten better at catching myself before I spiral, but recently (as in the past three weeks or so) it's been so bad that I do things impulsively as I'm spiralling without even realising it and it's been negatively affecting the way I perceive how friends think of me which I do NOT want to start happening again because that sucked. Idk why it's happening but I'd be grateful for any advice idrk what else to say about it.