#haikaveh angst

[velkia]

Sometimes I try to do angst, then I remember I'm weak.

[softsinnamonart]

kavetham mermaid au part 11

as always read from left to right

next part

this is my last upload b4 school starts again, currently it’s 3:26am, plz help. extra long part today btw :3

thank you btw for your continual support of the series, on tiktok and on tumblr. here’s a fun fact to show my appreciation:

this entire story is already written beginning to end in fanfiction form. if there’s enough support, i will upload the fanfiction version on ao3. it’s different but the main plot points are the same (i think) but there’s no point in me editing it and uploading it if there’s not really a lot of interest.

thanks as always. if you want the parts early check out my tiktok, but you’ll have to ignore the weird ass comments i get from kids. most people are normal tho thankfully.

TW for blood

[kazumaple]

born to die ꨄ haikaveh

art by @/mezudy678 on twt!!

tw | suicide ideation, death, alchoholism.

word count | 1,424 words ★ genre | angst, mentally ill kaveh, mental illness, major character death, au where haitham dies and kaveh is sad basically, kaveh is delusional, like in the traditional sense, depression/depression-like symptoms, me monopolising on lana del rey's lyrical genius<33

a/n | this has been sitting in my drafts for i kid you not over 6 months i think?!?! so yeah i just thought i should post it before the new year! i ruminated over the ending for so long but yknow new year new me so i just posted it. idk why i always make kaveh suffer but here is he suffering again. enjoy!?!?

link to my masterlist/how to request!

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · · 

“I’ll be waiting for you in heaven, my love.” 

The firm grip on Kaveh’s hand loosens as he feels his lover’s strength wane, taking not just his own, but Kaveh’s life force with it too.  

No, no… just a little longer, please. 

“But heaven is a place on Earth with you,” the blonde sniffles, embracing Alhaitham for the last time, “Don’t leave me…I still need you.” 

A chuckle erupts from the man next to him, and at that moment, Kaveh wishes he could loop that sound and listen to it forever, to keep Alhaitham in a world of his own design, where they could live together in the grandest of castles, all designed by Kaveh himself. 

He would construct them the most convenient house. Two study rooms for when they want to keep their distance from each other, a private library for Alhaitham, and a garden filled with all of Lesser Lord Kusanali’s creations, the plants being residents of the home just as much as Alhaitham and Kaveh would be. 

Kaveh sees Alhaitham, chuckling as he does now, smiling at Kaveh, his face aged a little with time, small folds of skin wrinkling around his eyelids as he beams, his happiness radiating, forcing Kaveh to smile along with him. If only time would permit it. Alhaitham is smiling at Kaveh, and he thinks he’s never seen anything more beautiful in his life. He wants to sketch this moment to make it permanent. To cherish the final moments he has with his lover. 

“You’ll be fine, Kaveh,” Alhaitham puts a hand under Kaveh’s chin, forcing the older man to meet his deep green eyes, “I love you.” 

By this point, Kaveh’s vision is white, and he barely notices Alhaitham pull him for one last kiss until their lips touch. The kiss is gentle and delicate, too delicate for Kaveh’s liking. The lack of strength only serves as a reminder of his lover’s fading energy. Kaveh pulls away for breath, his golden locks now in disarray across his face, the crimson hairclips that once kept his elegant plait together now in mayhem.

“I love you too.” 

Those are the last words Alhaitham hears before his vision fades, the silhouette of the man he loves the most looming over him, a teardrop the last thing he feels before he slips into the calming embrace of death. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · · 

Thoughts race across Kaveh's mind like a marathon, as if each thought had something of utmost importance to attend to, leaving the blonde highly disoriented. Even more disoriented than he would usually be at times like this, because at the moment, Kaveh has downed enough litres of alcohol to provide the weekly water intake of a family of 6. 

It’s at times like this when he can’t keep his thoughts at bay. Kaveh tries his best. He really does. He tries his best to seem okay. To maintain the façade of normalcy ever since that fateful night. He goes to work, completes his commissions on time, eats all of his meals, and speaks to all of his friends. He meets Cyno and Tighnari every Saturday at Lambad’s tavern for a round of Genius Invokation TCG, his thoughts steering clear of the empty seat to his left. The seat which nobody would dare take after the loss of its original occupant. 

Kaveh really does try. 

But on nights like this, he can’t help but crack. When he comes home to nobody, no annoying, shrill voice to welcome him, nobody to nag him about his health or his rent. These are the moments when he feels truly lonely, the only reliable friend he can turn to being a tall glass of wine. 

He sits alone in their usual spot. Top floor, at the back, so that people are less likely to find them. He knows Alhaitham can’t take people coming up to him after his work hours. Kaveh doesn’t mind. But this is just one out of the long list of habits Kaveh has kept after Alhaitham’s passing. No matter where he may be, heaven or hell, Celestia or Khaenri’ah’s ruins, a part of him will always live on through Kaveh. Always. 

At some point, though, Kaveh stopped being alone. He started hearing him again. The gentle words of his lover wafting through his eardrums. At first, it was subtle. A few comments here and there. 

“That client is a jackass.” 

“Go to sleep, Kaveh.” 

“Come on, love, you’ve got a meeting soon.” 

But then it became ubiquitous. The sweet, honey-like voice of his deceased lover followed Kaveh around wherever he went. At first, Kaveh thought he was going insane. Now, he doesn’t care enough to worry.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough, love?” A gentle voice fills his eardrums in an instant, a deep chuckle resounding with it, “Though I’d love to hold you again, I’d like you to live a long, full life before then. Preferably not dying of alcohol poisoning.” 

Kaveh scoffs and crosses his arms, “I don’t have to listen to you! What are you doing to do anyway?” 

The blonde hears a deep sigh, “I suppose you’re right. I can’t force you to go home, but it would make me very happy if you did.” 

Kaveh, in his drunken stupor, actually considers this. With a clear head, Kaveh never would have considered this a valid argument. Kaveh will do what he wants. But alas, the hurricane engulfing his mind causes a lapse in judgment. 

“Fine,” he says, begrudgingly, “Only if you cuddle with me when we get home.” 

“You’ve got yourself a deal.” 

Kaveh then gets up and stumbles out of the tavern, paying the bill off his own tab this time. He supposes a benefit of Alhaitham’s passing was that his wealth and estate were passed on to Kaveh. Though this by no means makes up for the gaping hole in Kaveh’s heart, he is happy with the convenience his newfound wealth has brought him. 

The walk home passes in a daze, Kaveh blames this for his lack of comprehension, as by the time he's come to his senses, he’s tucked into bed, wrapped in the arms of Alhaitham once more. 

He looks into his lover’s eyes. The orange islands in the sea of green standing out more than ever before. Alhaitham’s arms wrap around him protectively, and he feels the safest he has in months. 

“Haitham,” Kaveh sniffles, “It’s been so hard without you here to guide me… I miss you… so much. Every time I think about you it feels as though somebody is ripping my heart out of my chest and stabbing it repeatedly with a knife.” 

“C-Cant you come back to me?” 

The soft sound of Alhaitham’s honey-sweet voice drips through Kaveh’s ears, “I’m here now, love. I’m here with you now, aren’t I?”

Kaveh groans, “I suppose so.” 

“Let’s go to bed now,” Alhaitham whispers soothingly in Kaveh’s ear, “You have a big day ahead of yourself tomorrow.” 

Kaveh lets the diluted voice of his lover lull him to sleep, his eyes getting heavier until they slide shut, and Kaveh surrenders to the deliria of dreaming for the night. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · 

The sun streaks through the gap in the curtains, its rays hitting Kaveh’s face, illuminating his vermillion eyes as they blink open, the fatigue of sleep dissipating. The first thing he feels when he comes to his senses is the utter lack of warmth in his bed. The very bed itself becomes a black hole, Kaveh stumbling over himself to get as far away from it as possible. The very bed that was once the safe haven of him and his lover, turns into the very thing that seems to trap him. 

H-He was just here.

The soft embrace of death feels more tempting than ever now. It would be easy for Kaveh to sink into it; his thoughts being engulfed by a soft lulling whisper, convincing him to let go of this world and all the pain it has caused. Nonetheless, he gets up. Brings himself to his feet. Walking towards the bathroom, he surveys the empty walls of his once lively house, accepting the soft, lonely numbness that has become a hallmark of his existence. 

[btdemaru]

"His voice"

Note : i made this at 1AM and got inspired by a tiktok comment abt kavetham slight angst (i cried my heart out, theres too many kavetham angst i cant take it) ANYWAYS I'm sorry if there might be typos.

Warning : none (just fluff and angst <3)

Imagine kaveh singing while he's working, humming and singing the lyrics to the song that both he and alhaitam loves not knowing that the grey haired male in the room was listening to him while jokingly said how bad he is at singing. "Oh shut up! Like you can sing better than me!" Both of them always bicker anyways but kaveh knew he doesnt mean it.

Kaveh loves to sing for alhaitam when he comes back all grumpy and upset cause he had a bad day while alhaitam secretly records his voice on his akasha terminal (just imagine its possible 😌) and always listen to it everytime he's away from kaveh.

Imagine one day kaveh isn't there anymore, gone..perhaps dead? Who knows, nobody has figured where or what happened to him when he went into the sumeru desert. All alhaitam has is his voice, frustrated and desperate to know what happened to kaveh. His roomate, no- his lover. After hearing about the news he inhaled sharply while storming to inside his house and without even realizing it tears stained his pale face as flashbacks of them having playful fights together, spending time on their shared bed embracing eachother, him purposely messing with kaveh while he works just for fun.

Alhaitham couldn't accept this, he wipes his tears in denial about it as he kept replaying every single recording of Kaveh singing.

[first time making angst srry]

[nora-kano-rokii]

Haikaveh where kaveh is pregnant and when they found out about it he freaks out bc he read stories online where husbands wouldn't like the wives as much after postpartum takes over.

For days after the discovery Kaveh wouldn't eat or sleep as much, so far as to not talk to Haitham as much in fear of provoking anything that'll make Haitham "hate" him even more after the delivery

"Why aren't you eating?"

"Oh I'm just... not that hungry. I ate lunch earlier."

"But we always have lunch together??"

"Well something came up and I gotta change my schedule a bit. Sorry about that."

He'll just lie and lie and keeps on lying.

Kaveh isn't the type to wish anything bad happening on his pregnancy period, but he does severely dread the day of delivery. He'd get anxious and nervous (even more than he usually is) around Haitham and is always thinking about his next lie.

He loves the idea of motherhood. He loves the idea of having a child to take care of. He loves the idea of a happy family because that was something he didn't get as a child and is now more than willing to do anything to give it to his child.

What he doesn't like is the fear of Haitham leaving him if he's not good enough to satisfy his needs. The fear where he'll lose his worth as someone pretty and just end up as someone thats already been "used" and is not "perfect" anymore.

Haitham gets wind of what's going on and approaches him one day.

"Sweetheart."

"Yes?"

"Whats wrong with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Dont play dumb with me, sunshine. Tell me what's going on."

And then Kaveh will freak out, thinking Haitham already knows about the postpartum fear thing and start crying and begging for Alhaitham to not leave him. He'll do anything, he'll be a good wife and stay with the kids and do all the housechores and stay in shape and-

A simple kiss shut him about for good.

"You don't ever need to be sorry about how you look like after bearing my children."

"But.. I've read stories... and surveys- about how husbands are more displeased with their wives' body image after postpartum-"

"You think I care how you look like?"

Probably not the best thing to say (he should've rephrased it better) as Kaveh starts to tear up again.

"You... you don't think I'm taking care of myself well enough..?"

"No, it's not that. Kaveh, sunshine. I fell in love with you because of your physical image. That was only one of the reasons why."

"You... did not?"

"You thought I would be like some of those freaks that ogles you shamelessly on the side of the road? Of course not."

"But.. you always said that it's absolutely important for me to keep being healthy-"

"Sunshine, healthy does not mean body image. Healthy means you are happy with yourself. Which you are mostly aren't. That's why I told you to be healthier."

Kaveh wells up in tears again as he realizes what Haitham is saying. He kisses Kaveh's forehead and rubs his belly.

"This baby is going to make us a family. Why would I care about how you're going to look like?"

(Again, probably should've rephrased it better)

"Everything will be a marker of your battles. I'd love every stretch mark it'll create. All the cellulites that you worry so much about will be mine to behold." Another kiss to the forehead, "Kaveh, please understand. I love you for just the way you are."

"I did not fall in love with someone who obsesses with their beauty. I fell in love with the Light of Kshahrewar, the person who brights up my day with just a smile. The person who makes me fall in love all over again when they laugh."

"So please. Don't be afraid of our children. I promise that I'll love you no matter how you look"

Kaveh sniffs, "E-even if I were a fungi?"

Haitham sighes and smiles, "You'd be my favorite fungi ever."

-End

---

i have not posted in a hot minute GAWD DAYUM anyways hi everyone ive come back with FICS instead of DRAWINGS isnt that COOL theres VARIETY now!! Also this fic was first posted on Twitter as i had a brainrot at 4am so if you're intrested in that please go support me on Twt! Thank you everyone!

[rinstrumental]

you got a 9-5, so i’ll take the night shift

kavetham / 463 words

# spoilers for kaveh’s backstory, angst, metaphorical mentions of blood and gore slightly (?), short drabble to get this out my head, not proofread

Kaveh has been through heartbreak. Plenty of it, actually. He knows the feeling all too well. The dread hammering against your skull, bones heavy as lead. And even after the worst has supposedly passed, you’re still left feeling like nothing but an empty husk of who you were before.

However, the upside to this is that he’s prepared. Kaveh pulls through, always, never failing to find a reason to keep marching tall and proud. When his father died, it was for his mother. When she left, he clung tight to his studies and career, and that’s been his lifeline for as long as he could remember.

But this. This is different. It feels like his very being is actually being ripped out of him, leaving behind untethered heartstrings and memories floating, confused, in the space left behind. The pain is searing and slow.

And when he looks up through bleary eyes, he sees Al Haitham towering over him, holding his heart in a tight grip. His face is stoic. Even at a time like this… I can’t seem to read you. After all this time.

He feels so. Small. So small under Al Haitham’s cold, critical gaze. Under his sharp tongue and harsh words, prodding and poking at Kaveh like he was another one of his Akademiya projects.

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later, wasn’t it? Everyone has their limits. Kaveh shouldn’t be surprised. He’s always been hot-headed. Bad tempered. Annoying. Stupid.

He’s staring at the apartment door, which had left hanging open into the gaping darkness. Al Haitham is gone, and for the first time, Kaveh feels he might not return.

He didn’t even close the door. Would he even care if someone comes in right now and murders me? Would he care if he came home and I was gone?

Kaveh had not planned for Al Haitham to burst into his life like he had, but he had also certainly not planned for him to walk out just as easily.

Does he know how much he hurt me?

The bandages he had so carelessly wrapped around his old wounds were slipping off, falling to the frigid floor. Kaveh dropped to the ground right alongside them as the blood rushed to his head, the weight of the world and his past on his shoulders.

Does he know that’ll be the last time?

How could one be so… undoing? Make him feel so weak? Pull his soul apart with his own careless fingers, intentionally or not?

The remains of a broken vase lay across from Kaveh’s shaking fingers. Only now does he notice the fresh bloodstain on the shattered porcelain, tracking out of the door and disappearing into the night.

I’ll never see you again, if I can help it.

[genshinatemybrain]

Title: Appeal to the Stone, Ascend to the Skies

Rating: Teen

Relationship: Alhaitham/Kaveh

Warnings: None

Summary:

“So much for solidarity,” Alhaitham said. “You’re not even on your own side, you harpy,” Kaveh grumbled in reply. ~~~ Alhaitham unexpectedly wakes up with wings, and must learn to come to terms with absurdity.

~~~

A Haikaveh/Kavetham wingfic exploration of happiness, absurdity, and their inevitable intersection.

[calqlate]

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Alhaitham/Kaveh (Genshin Impact), Alhaitham & Kaveh (Genshin Impact) Characters: Alhaitham (Genshin Impact), Kaveh (Genshin Impact), Cyno (Genshin Impact), Tighnari (Genshin Impact) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Exes to Lovers, Explicit Language Summary: Going on a group holiday with your friends is all fun and games… until your ex gets thrown into the mix. Kaveh can attest, because he was on a planned trip to Inazuma with his best friends as well as his ex. However, admiring the cherry blossoms, eating fresh sushi, and indulging in the hot springs would help lessen the presence of the prickly and emotionally closed-off Al-Haitham, right? Or, in which Kaveh and Al-Haitham are forced to bond and make amends with one another while on a trip with their friends. That, and they inexplicably find themselves gravitating back towards each other.

[iiping]

imagine if their fallout started with this 🥹

[saint-end]

canon alhaitham

[meru90]

hc that haitham was a lil blushy mess😣and then 🗿🗿

[kazumaple]

summertime sadness ✧ haikaveh

ART NOT MINE! credit to original artist, i couldn't find them though ):

word count | 560 words ★ genre | royal!au, inspired by summertime sadness, born to die and various other lana del rey songs, angst, heartbreak <//3, kaveh just wants some love

link to my masterlist/how to request!

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

“Choose your last words,” Alhaitham whispers as his lips leave Kaveh’s, “This is the last time.” 

The tears glide down the blonde’s cheeks as if they too were running away from him. As if his eyes were such an abhorred place to be that they were forced to pour down his face like a waterfall, leaving him, just as all things in this world eventually do. 

He averts his gaze to the cobblestone floor before him and sees his bare feet, the painful shoes he had been forced to wear by my mother long abandoned. All the running he had done to get here to see him. It was all a waste. 

“Kaveh,” he whispers, as if the other man’s name were some sort of curse, as if it was now banned from his vocabulary,  “Don’t be like this.” 

Kaveh scoffs, “Do you expect me to just accept this? To accept that the relationship we’ve cultivated over years has now been rendered invalid? All for some random princess you’ve never even met before?”

“Is it by mistake or design?” Kaveh’s voice is now quiet, so quiet that Alhaitham has to concentrate to make out what he is saying over the rustling of the wind, “Are you doing this just to mock me?” 

The tears don’t stop. They come with a force as strong as an infantry, bringing their best cavalry in order to break Kaveh fully. To crush any bit of dignity he has left to show in front of the man he loves. 

He feels the energy come up to his face, the red satin shirt he is wearing feeling increasingly sticky and constricting around his chest. He looks up, basking in the pale moonlight. It feels as though the moon is the only entity left constant in his life.  Its light reflects into his pupils, burning them with its cool rays. At this moment, he thinks no better end for himself than to lay here and stare at the moon, to leave this Earth accompanied by the only thing that has been with him since he arrived. 

Kaveh look into his lover’s eyes once more, finding only a shell of the man he once knew. His grey hair is in disarray, and his usually ever-neat clothing is dishevelled. His pupils dilate as the blonde looks into them, a sign he’d usually see as loving, but now, he can only infer pity. 

“Kiss me hard before you go,” I chuckle, but it comes off more like a maniacal rambling, “You can’t just leave me like this.” 

“I love you.” 

These are the last words Kaveh hears before Alhaitham’s lips are on his, and his arms constrict tightly around him, almost as if he never wanted to let go. He brings his thumb gingerly to the blonde’s face and traces it across the path of his tears, wiping them away as if that would do anything to lessen the pain. 

“I think I’ll miss you forever,” he mutters, “Like the stars in the sun miss the morning sky.” 

“Just go,” Kaveh spits, “Don’t try to drag this out with empty words.” 

Alhaitham looks like he wants to say something, but he stops himself midway and walks off quietly. Kaveh’s thoughts are now left to wander, to forge their own labyrinth of loneliness, with his own sorrow being at the centre instead of a minotaur. 

[gengwasted]

Spoiling Haitham with kisses cause he deserves em.

I’ll be honest: I was just looking for an excuse to draw his boots

[nora-kano-rokii]

TW!! Mentions of kidnapping and a bit of blood

Alhatiham x Kaveh angst

-----

"Kaveh. Kaveh listen to me."

The blonde was limp against his body, no words uttered from his mouth. Alhaitham strokes his hair softly, moving closer to him so that his words directly above his ears.

"Don't worry, Kaveh. We'll bring you back home. You're not with them anymore, you're safe. Hang on in there."

--

"How is he?"

"I don't know. He's just... completely devoid of anything. There's nothing wrong with him, physically. But he just won't talk. Or answer me. Or eat, drink. Any of that. It's like he's empty. I don't know how else to describe it." Tighnari shuffles a bit in his seat. Hair disarrayed from countless hours trying to help his friend has left him baffled at best.

"What do you mean? Surely it's something that can be fixed with some deep sleep, poor guy seems like he hasn’t slept in weeks." The General Mahamatra steps closer to their table of discussion. "It's a good thing we found him today, who knows what they'll do to him if we hadn't barged in"

"Do not talk about those bastards in front of me," Haitham glares at the floor, eyes darkening, "I'll make sure they face far heavier consequences."

"I'm not trying to shift the topic from Kaveh to them. I'm just saying, sleep and rest is probably what he needs right now." Cyno replied, taking a seat beside the botanist.

"I'm not an expert in the form of biology," Tighnari sighs, "but I don't think this is something I can fix without knowing what caused it. I'm going to need data from the interrogation or something."

Alhaitham's eyes seems to be in a trance. For the first time in a while, he wasn't sure what to do.

The job of being a Grand Sage did take a lot of time and attention away from Kaveh, but he didn't think it would come to a situation like this. He came home from work one day, and just... nothing. There was no one in their home. Not his roommate, no food on the table, and even his table that was filled with artwork is now empty.

There was no way he decided to move out on a whim, right?

Even if that was the case, where would Kaveh go?

Alhaitham made sure to make Kaveh treat this house as his own home. As /their/ own home. He made sure to make Kaveh know that this house also belongs to him, and he is always welcome to it.

But perhaps, his lack of presence made Kaveh's confidence in this knowledge waver. Anyhow, he didn't think much of it at the time. He figured Kaveh would've stayed with Tighnari at Gandharva Ville, like he usually does.

What he doesn't usually do is go missing for more than 5 days without notice.

The first clue he got was from Cyno, saying he hadn’t seen Kaveh even though he made regular trips to Gandharva Ville frequently that week.

"Then, he's not with Tighnari?"

"I haven't seen him anywhere. Nari didn't bring him up in any conversations either."

"Are you sure he didn't leave a note?"

Alhaitham shook his head, "There was nothing left in his room. Everything of his is either gone or in disarray. I thought he had left quickly."

"That's weird... even from Kaveh. I've never seen him like this." The General Mahamatra seems to be deep in thought. "I'll gather some information on this. Something tells me this has nothing to do with just a simple leave."

That conversation happened 2 weeks ago. Just today, they traveled across the desert to find a camp of Eremites holding Kaveh hostage.

Despite doing their best to avoid any type of conflict, it still ended with Alhaitham getting a broken arm. But that didn't matter.

His sins didn't matter. Nothing of him matters when his sunshine has lost all light in his eyes.

After trudging back to Gandharva Ville, all hope seems lost when Kaveh doesn't respond to anything. They had accidentally encountered a group of hostile fungi that gave Kaveh a bad injury. But then, they all noticed at the moment of impact, he didn't move.

He didn't yelp. Didn't cry. He just sat there. Staring at the fungi, then at his bruised and blooded arm, back at the fungi. And then just nothing.

He just spaced out.

After ruling it out as just exhaustion and lack of energy, the group continued, hoping it'll be a bit better after he's seated in a comfortable environment.

Seems like it didn't get better.

A deep sigh came out of the Grand Sage as he stood up for the door. Nari's ears perked up at the sudden motion. "Where are you going?"

"To get that data."

"You don't wanna see him first? Though I'm not sure what you could do with him right now."

"... I'll visit in a bit."

And with that, the door slammed a bit too harshly than as it's supposed to be.

A couple days later, Alhaitham came back to Gandharva Ville with a clipboard on hand. As he hands it to Tighnari, the botanist tries to ignore the tiny blood patches on random pages placed throughout the document.

"So, uh... What did you do to them?"

"None of anyone else's business," Alhaitham glared, "I'd like to see him now."

Tighnari sighs as he places the document on top of his research table, "Yeah, sure. Maybe you can coax something out of him. I don’t know how long I’ve tried, but hopefully you can do something about him."

No noise was made when they entered. No sight or greeting followed as they walked towards the bed. Occupying the bed was nothing like how Alhaitham imagined Kaveh would ever look like.

He looked terrible. He looked nothing like himself.

Nari gestured his head to Kaveh and left.

"...Hey" he spoke softly as he stood beside the bed.

No response.

"How have you been feeling?"

...

He sighs, "Kaveh, I know I might not be the person you want to see right now."

"I admit, everything is my fault." He takes Kaveh's limp hand and intertwines it with his. An attempt to comfort, and an attempt to confess his feelings.

Before he regrets not telling if the other doesn't survive.

He knew it was a bit too sudden to say something like this. And it wouldn’t be Kaveh’s ideal confession either. But he dreads the regret more than anything right now.

"I should've known," he continues, voice in a whisper, "I should've known something was wrong."

'I thought you've finally decided to leave. And I thought I was too harsh on you. I thought maybe... maybe you just had enough of me."

Carmine eyes did not drift away for the void it was seeing. Alhaitham decided to squeeze his roomate's hand to take his attention for a bit, but to no avail.

"Kaveh, I really care about you. Do not heed to whatever they said back in the desert. They don't know you. All they know is you're a smart way to gain money. They don't know who you are,"

A slight pause as Alhaitham tries to regulate his emotions.

"They don't know about the true Light of Kshahrewar and his creations. How brilliant he is. How he's the reason someone gets up everyday and lives life even though everything has changed."

"You're the reason someone smiles everyday. You and your little antics made someone laugh everyday. You and your laughter made someone fall in love with you."

"I wish I had better words and a better situation to tell this to you, Kaveh. But seeing as you are now..." he took note how the blonde still hasn't moved or speak the whole time, "I'm afraid I can't wait for that moment to happen any longer."

"It's better late than sorry, you know?"

Still no reply.

At that moment, all hope seems lost for Alhaitham. Is sunshine is long gone. The golden sparks in his eyes left, no more colors in his pale cheeks. The joyful person he once knew has left nothing but an empty husk that resembles the roommate he loves so dearly.

Alhaitham knew not to mess with facts. He believes in brain over heart. Science over feelings. His brain tells him that there is no more hope until Tighnari finishes analyzing the problem.

However, his heart tells him to continue and stay.

"I... really don't know how to tell you in any other way. Kaveh, if you can hear me, if you're still here," another squeeze of the hand, "I love you."

Alhaitham didn't know why he was hoping some sort of reaction of Kaveh. A glance, maybe. Or a soft spoken word. He had always imagined his confession to be heartwarming.

Not heartbreaking. He didn't confess to Kaveh, he just confessed to an empty puppet. Disappointed, he feels his heart shatter.

Alhaitham didn't know why. He'd never felt this emotional. There was always a logical explanation or fact to shove his feelings for another day. But for this one,

There simply was none. There was no denying that his heart does not beat for the same Kaveh anymore.

Deducing he has nothing left to do or say, he gave up on what his heart tells him and slowly let go of his hand.

"I'm sorry, Kaveh."

"I'm so sorry," Alhaitham knew there was so no use in saying sorry. "I'm sorry if i ever made you feel insecure,"

Why is he saying it?

"I'm sorry if I hadn't told you how beautiful you look everyday,"

Why can't he stop?

"I'm sorry if I ever scolded you too hard,"

It's useless, so utterly useless.

"I'm sorry I hadn't helped you in your time of need,"

Stop it!! It's pointless!!!

“I’m sorry I hadn’t told you that you have the best smile,”

STOP IT! STOP! WHY AREN’T YOU STOPPING?

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you I love you."

A tear fell and hit the bed.

Was that his? He isn't sure. His feelings are all over the place.

What WAS he supposed to feel? Sadness? Anger? Disappointment? Frustration? Guilt? Perhaps all of them.

Wiping his tear away, he decided it was time to leave. Forget about what his heart said. He’s a logical man and he should’ve left long ago. A sliver of hope? What a joke. He can clearly tell that Kaveh is probably long gone.

Then why is he still trying so hard to convince himself…?

Shaking his head, he decided to move away from the bed. As if it’ll help him get over these feelings. That’s what he thought.

That is, until he saw carmine eyes on him.

In an instant, all hope is refilled onto his heart. Walking slowly to the bed, he couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Kaveh?”

And as he walked closer, he noticed tears building up in beautiful eyes.

“Was…” his voice soft and weak, ”Was everything you said to me… true?”

“Yes.” Alhaitham still couldn’t believe what he was experiencing, ”Of course it’s true, my sunshine. I would never lie to you about these feelings of mine.”

A choked sob came out of the blonde, “They… they told me…” Tears welled up and started to spill.

Alhaitham quickly kneeled beside his bed and took his hands in his.

“They told me I was worthless…,” Kaveh starts to cry. It broke Alhaitham’s heart all over again. His sunshine isn’t supposed to cry, “They told me no one would come for me,”

“They told me that no one loved me. No one ever did. No one cared for me enough to come for me.”

“I’m sorry, Kaveh. I didn’t mean to take that long-“

“Nobody came. I waited, they waited, and when they knew, they’d tell me all those things again.”

“and again,”

“and again.”

Alhaitham carefully held Kaveh’s frail face and turned him towards him, as if he’s made of glass that would break under a single touch. “Kaveh,” he breathed, “I love you. Don’t let what anyone else says makes you forget that,”

“You’re not worthless. If that is the case, then why would they take you? My love, my sunshine, please,” Alhaitham brought his hand up and kissed each knuckle with all the love he can give.

“My beautiful padisarah. I love you. And I’ll never stop telling you that I do. If you want me to say it a hundred times, I’ll do it.”

“Haitham, please…” he sobbed, “you… really do?”

“I do.”

Kaveh couldn’t take it anymore as he lunged towards Alhaitham and hugged him. Hiding his face in the crook of Alhaitham’s neck, he sobbed and cried and wailed, clinging onto Alhaitham as if he’d lose him.

Alhaitham was taken aback, but nevertheless grateful that Kaveh has come back. The Kaveh that he knows and loves.

“My beautiful padisarah,” Alhaitham kissed his head, “I love you so.”

-End

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This is the first fic ive written after a LOOONG time-!! Back in 2018 i was a writer in wattpad but then lost my account so k stopped writing. I'm trying to get back into it as to make fillers in between my EXTREMELY LONG DRAWING PROCESS so yall wont get bored at least :'D. This fic was first uploaded to Twitter, so if you like my stuff please do consider going there and following!! Thank you!!

[slouph]

Haikaveh 🌱🏛 To build a home ⚠️angst, memory loss

[siqeml]

(January 30) Mad Scholar Alhaitham

Fun angst AU for you guys- he didn’t fake it, he went insane for the sake of the plan. Poor Kaveh gets home to find out not only has the government been toppled, but Alhaitham’s mind has been lost.