#haleys my number 1 but i love them all

[crispinkiss]

i just recently started playing stardew again so i wanted to draw them all!

[the-guilty-writer]

A List of Gill's Favorite Sibling Moments Between Hotch and RR (Part 1)

For those of you who love the dynamic between Hotch and Rossi-Reid as much as I do, here are sections that are my personal favorites of their sibling-like relationship. Some of them aren't even interactions, just very sibling things they do!

---

It's Proposals, Dads, and Halloween, Rossi-Reid!

Hotch telling Spencer not to tell RR that her dad is coming back to work:

Morgan responded, but you tuned out their banter, opening a file and getting to work. You’d only gotten through reading the first few sentences when Spencer said your name. “(Y/N), he’s here.”

“Who-” you looked up from your file just in time to see your dad walk through the bullpen behind Section Chief Strauss. He dropped a wink in your direction, but you were too stunned to reply. “Why is my dad here?” You looked around at your colleagues, your glance finally landing on your husband.

“He’s coming out of retirement,” he said, sitting down unbothered.

You snorted. “Spence, stop trying to scare me.”

“Rossi.” Morgan sat up in his chair. “It’s not a prank. Hotch sent us all a text last night.”

You turned to Emily with a questioning look. “Did you know?”

“I think the real question should be how did you not know?” Emily said.

You looked at your phone, seeing if you had missed the message, but nothing had been sent in the first place.

“Spence, did you get a message?” You turned to your husband.

“I-I did,” Spencer said. You could see the concern in his face.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Hotch told me not to.”

“I’m your wife! You’re supposed to tell me anyway!” You weren’t angry as much as you were annoyed.

---

Figuring Out The Family Buisness

Hotch not pairing RR and Rossi up in the field until he HAS to:

You’d known Hotch long enough to know that he was putting off pairing you with your dad- then again anyone who had heard the story about the Rossi family laser tag game would be. He saw the little ways your dad still treated you like a kid, and he probably always would. You were his daughter. So Hotch put it off until he had no choice.

Actually he put it off until Morgan pretty much forced him to.

And him reminding Rossi where RR got her attitude from:

Hotch walked up beside Rossi. “She gets it from you, you know.”

Rossi sighed. “Don’t remind me.”

Hotch and RR bringing up the office party of 1995:

“Aaron,” Rossi’s tone became exaggerated. “It’s a bar. They could get carried away.”

“What?” Hotch smirked. “Like you did that one time at the office party in 1995-”

“Oh-kay,” Rossi cut him off. “Let’s not talk about this anymore.”

And

You gave him a questioning look. “You know, I remember back in 1995 after an office party when you-”

Rossi held up his hand to stop you. “Let’s not bring that up.”

Then Spencer thinking they might have made it up as a joke:

“So,” he whispered. “The office party of 1995 is a true story? I thought you and Hotch were just making that up.”

You smiled sleepily. “Nope,” you whispered back. “No way we could make that up.”

---

Damaged

RR sending a risky text to Haley before the divorce:

You picked up your phone and scrolled through your contacts, looking for Haley’s number. You weren’t sure what you were going to do. You weren’t going to call her- she never picked up anymore. Every text you’d sent had gotten no reply. There wasn’t anyone there to tell you what to do… except for you.

Your dad would have scolded you for being too involved, Spencer would have just taken your phone and held it above his head so you couldn’t reach, and Hotch… Well, for the first time in a long time you didn’t know what Hotch would do. So you typed the message out and pressed send before putting your phone in your pocket and pushing the thought to the back of your mind.

And RR knowing Hotch well enough to tell he was signing the papers:

You looked up too- seeing that Hotch was in his office. Normally you would have gone to say hello and maybe tease him about having missed all the fun, but even from where you sat you could tell that he was far more distressed than normal. The papers he was holding weren’t just from a case. They were personal.

---

The First Week

Hotch and RR on her first day as an Agent at the BAU:

There, waiting for you by the glass doors, was a face that you’d been missing for a long time- one that had driven you to school, and cheered at your championship soccer game; one that picked you up from a party the first time you got wasted and had no one else to call. One that reminded you that the old Italian saying il sangue non e acqua simply wasn't true.

“(Y/N),” Aaron smiled at you, his arms open for a hug. You couldn’t help yourself- you threw yourself into his embrace, squeezing your arms around his shoulders. He hugged you back just as tight, if not tighter. “Or should I say Agent Rossi.”

“Gross,” you replied and pulled away, allowing yourself a few seconds to be the BAU’s resident teenage pest again. “Seriously, just call me (Y/N). But…” you smiled ominously. “I did hear you can’t be annoyed at me anymore for calling you Hotch anymore. Sounds like you’re actually rather fond of your nickname now.”

He chuckled and you knew that the both of you were remembering the first time you had shortened his last name, his insistence that you didn’t call him that and your determination to annoy him by continuously ignoring his request. “It’s more convenient,” he admitted. “Anyway, let me give you the tour.”

---

Where Did The Time Go?

RR, Hotch, and a rather inappropriate inside joke:

“Well,” Hotch said, walking into the room and tossing a file down onto the table. “We finally got the M.E. report.”

You abandoned Reid and his maps in favor of going over to the table to look at the new information. You had to wedge yourself around Morgan to get a look, but as soon as you saw it, you knew.

You didn’t even think twice about your words. “He’s got limp dick syndrome.”

Hotch choked on his coffee and began to snicker. You could see how hard it was for him to hold in his laughter as he brought a fist to his mouth in an effort to cover his smile. It was nice to see his serious demeanor crack. Even after all these years, you were still Rossi’s daughter who got distracted from her homework while watching (and pestering) young Special Agent Hotchner as he tried to piece together a profile.

“You-” he cut himself off and pressed his lips together before taking a deep breath to compose himself. Still, he couldn’t hide the smirk on his face. “Don’t say that in front of the local officers.”

“Okay, well then you can go tell Gideon.” You smirked as well. As he left the room to find the senior agent, Hotch still struggled to get his serious face back.

Hotch knowing he'd be tasked with waking up RR if he stayed on the jet:

“Someone get (Y/N) up,” Hotch said before exiting the jet. He knew full well that if he didn’t make a beeline down the stairs, he’d have to be the one to do it.

---

(Part 2)

[5blondeboytoy5]

Also sdv LIs ranked :)

okay strap in i’ve got opinions

separating by m vs f i lean m and can’t compare some of them yknow? i’ll let you know my fave and least fave

men…

1. SAAAAAAAM my darling dearest light of my life fire of my loins samson my absolute favorite beloved number one man i love you i love you i love you… every love song i listen to i think of samson i have playlists named after him i have aus constructed around him i am incredibly unhealthily obsessed with him he is in every universe he is love we have two kids and they’re both named he’s so sweet and i want to save him

2. sebastian, god he’s so losercore patheticcore disgustingcore i love his entire vibe. i know ive jokes about him and sam being different versions of whit/kylar but while i think you have to bend and dig deep into sam to make him a bully like whitney (which i think sam could easily be characterized as a troublemaker i digress) seb is one hot bitch moving to the valley away from being a disgusting stalker that jerks off with your panties and peeks in through your window i love him he’s such a loser and i don’t want to save him

3. alex, i know he’s the most unpopular bachelor but i really think he’s just trying his best - I KNOW I KNOW there’s some icky lines from him but there’s something so endearing about him… he reminds me of kevin from daria, he’s so simple and i know he just thinks with his dick

4. elliott, he’s fine, solid 5/10 like i understand the appeal to him - he’s romantic, and sweet, and dreamy, but he’s not for me. but again i see why people like him

5. harvey…. kinda the same reason as avery/eden in the prev ask im not into older men and he’s clearly in his 40s…. he’s just boring i just don’t quite see him but im not a hater toward him

6. shane. now, yknow elliott and harvey aren’t for me but im not an elliott/harvey hater. I AM A SHANE HATER FOREVER hes ugly and old and stinky and i know he’s flawed and you can save him but i take so many issues with his character like….i know alcoholism is a disease and addiction is terrible and all that but the fact that he has legal custody of jas and continues to drink and throw his life away and force marnie into raising her EVEN AFTER HES SOBER AND LIVING WITH THE PLAYER and idk. i just do not vibe with fucking an alcoholic parent and i think haley gets so much shit for being mean and shane gets away with it scot free. i just do not like him at all and i wouldn’t hate him half as much if he wasn’t the most popular bachelor. fuck shane all my homies hate shane

now onto the women…..just a preface i like all of them pretty much ???? like think of them all above elliott in my ranking because i think they’re all lovely

1. EMILYYYYY SWEET SPACEY AQUARIUS GIRL (in my heart) i love a weird girl i love how esoteric her heart events are also i sew too and so does she….she’s the bachelorette i identify most with and i love love love love love her

2. abigail….i can’t not. the ass gang is so near and dear to my heart they’re the stupid shithead friends you make in high school in your stupid podunk town and i just. god she’s such a cool girl….but i love her more in a best friend way than in a make out with me way

3. haley… i just love her vibes and i think her development is a lot more interesting and also is a victim of misogyny…. i just feel like her narrative is so different as a girl character because to me haley is unlearning internalized misogyny and learning how to be understanding and loving

4. maru… i love a dorky nerdy girlie in stem and i love the dynamic between her and seb (which is how ive mostly experienced her mostly) and how interesting their family dynamic is. anyway, maru is the friend i made in my honors classes in school but we had nothing in common but she’s so sweet and nice that i stick by her side

5. penny, the other bachelorette i relate the most to (i work childcare irl) and i think her and pam and their dynamic with alcoholism is infinitely more interesting than shane. but, i feel like penny is just….too delicate and domestic i want so much good for this girl

6. leah - no hate! no hate fr! i just never ever see her because she’s always in her cabin! but also i love her because she’s artsy and cute but i just don’t know her like that!

[scribbles97]

Left Behind - Chapter 52

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 Chapter 48 / Chapter 49 / Chapter 50 / Chapter 51

As the door slipped closed behind Scott he smiled to his mother as she bid farewell to doctor Hampton. Tia was right, a quiet word to the doctor and he’d be allowed back to sit with her for as long as he wanted.

As far as he was concerned he was never leaving her side again.

A large hand on his shoulder pulled him back, spinning him so he was looking at her parents.

“Was it your idea to keep the fact that you two are dating from us?” Dean growled.

Scott gaped, the thought that her parents didn’t know hadn’t even crossed his mind. In actual fact, he wasn’t even sure that the pair of them had shifted from friends to something else. Tia was hardly in a fit state for that kind of conversation, even if he was desperate to question her proclamation of love.

“I--” He started, stumbling as he glanced to the door of Tia’s room, “We’re not--”

Haley scoffed dramatically as she shook her head, a bark of laughter escaping as she jabbed a finger at him, “Don’t you dare pretend you’re not. We all saw what you were just like with her.”

Scott could feel the eyes around the space being drawn on them, the nurses at the station distracted from their datapads and other visitors hesitating outside of doors.

Ever his saving grace, Mom stepped in, her hand light on his shoulder as she spoke quietly, “I don’t think this is quite the place for such a conversation.”

“Oh don’t think we haven’t forgotten Lucille,” Dean turned on her, “How you left our daughter to die .”

“Mister Anwar,” Mom sighed softly, “Whilst Jennifer’s death was an unfortunate tragedy, the enquiry found that International Rescue acted in the best interests of the majority.”

It was clearly a well rehearsed line, something she had said before and more than once.

“Damn the majority.” Dean snapped, “Our daughter died!”

“Mister Anwar,” Hampton stepped over to them, “You are disturbing our other patients and their visitors. If you continue I will have no choice but to have you escorted from the building.”

“Doctor Hampton, I wish to speak to Doctor Griffiths,” Haley demanded, “We need to know the details of Tia’s injury.”

Scott knew the Doctor would shake his head before she had finished her request.

“I’m afraid even if you could get hold of Doctor Griffiths, patient confidentiality would prevent her from disclosing any details without Tia’s explicit permission.”

“We’re her parents .” Haley protested.

“As Tia is over the legal age, no information can be disclosed without her consent.” Hampton persisted, “Now I really must ask you to leave, you are distressing a number of our patients.”

He turned to Lucy, nodding slightly, “Another of the patients from the disaster is asking for you, if you wouldn't mind?”

Scott followed his mother and the Doctor, glancing back warily as Tia’s parents turned in the opposite direction.

“Actually, Howie,” His mother cut into his thoughts as she touched the doctor’s arm, “Do you mind if--”

The doctor smiled as he opened a door to an office, “Lucy, darling, it was simply a comment to get you away from the pair of them and save my nurses the hassle of calling security.”

He glanced to Scott with a nod, “Miss Anwar was asking after you whilst we were prepping her for surgery, feel free to visit her once she has rested a little.”

Scott smiled and nodded, scratching the back of his head as he let out a sigh, “Thanks doc.”

The man excused himself, closing the door as he went. Scott took a breath, sinking into the desk chair as he rubbed at his face with his hands.

Her parents hated him, and he doubted there was an awful lot he could do to change that. It was clear from the exchange that a grudge was still held for what had happened so many years ago, before Scott had even been part of the organisation.

“I’m sorry,” Mom sighed as she stood by the window, “I should have warned you about that.”

Shaking his head he looked up to her, “I knew, she told me this morning.”

Blue lights from the darkness beyond the window highlighted the room and Tia’s words from the night before rang in his ears. Yet there was no interest in going and finding whatever disaster the ambulance had been called to.

So much had happened in a single day. He wasn’t sure where to start.

“It’s not going to be a smooth ride.” Mom murmured, turning back to look at him.

He nodded, “We’ll deal with her parents, don’t worry Mom.”

“Scott,” She shook her head, “even if Tia regains function of her legs, she can’t go back into her old role. The damage to her spine was too great.”

“But--”

Tia’s job was her life. It was what had dragged her back into having a life after years of aimless nothing. She had admitted later in the night that she didn’t know what she would have become if Kyrano hadn't come across her.

“She’ll still have the full support of the company.” Mom assured him, “I know it’s not of much consolation for someone who loves their job as Tia does, but you know I won’t see her struggle.”

Scott shook his head, “I don’t know what she’ll do Mom, she needed that job for her mental state.”

Her hand was light on his shoulder, “Kyrano is looking into a new role, something less physical.”

Scott cursed as he sunk back in the chair, “It won’t be the same for her.”

“I know.”

His stomach twisted at the thought of being forced out of his role, told he could no longer fly Thunderbird One or take part in rescues. Like Tia, his job was his life, and the thought of it being ripped away made him feel physically sick.

“What do we tell her?” He murmured, knowing there was only really one answer.

She stroked his hair as she sighed, “The truth Scotty. We tell her the facts and then we support her in any way we can.”

Mom had done this before, Scott had to remind himself. Tia wasn’t the first operative to be injured. There was a protocol, a safety net to ensure that nobody fell out of the system and everyone got exactly what they needed.

He’d just never seen it put into action before.

“Can you-” He coughed himself, running a hand through his hair as he blew out a heavy breath, “Will you come with me, to tell her I mean?”

“No,” Mom murmured, squeezing his shoulder, “ I’ll tell her. Trust me, it’s better coming from a third party.”

It was a relief to let her take the responsibility for him, but part of him still felt like he was cheating. Like it was partly his fault she had gotten hurt and he should be the one to step up when she needed him.

“You’ve just got to be there for her kiddo.” She told him, “And hope everything else falls into place.”

It had only been an hour that he had been gone, but even before he stepped into the room Tia was awake. She smiled softly as the door closed behind him.

“Hey,”

He smiled as he took the chair next to her, “How are you feeling?”

“Still fuzzy.” She murmured, eyes watching him as he took her good hand, “Couldn’t sleep though.”

His thumb smoothed across the skin on the back of her hand as he frowned, “Why?”

With a snort she rolled her eyes, “Too much in my head… Mom was right, this is gonna change my life. I can’t be a bodyguard anymore if my back is screwed.”

Scott swallowed. Mom had gone back to the apartment, she had said it would be better to let things lie for the night and talk to Tia in the morning. He wondered if she had considered that maybe Tia would have already thought about the eventuality of not being able to work.

“We’ll find you another role.” He stated, squeezing her hand to emphasise his point.

She smiled again with a slight shake of her head as she looked towards the door, “I figured.”

Scott frowned, something about her statement was slightly off.

Before he could ask though she had taken a breath and was looking back to him.

“I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have said what I did, it was just a spur of the moment thing where--”

“Tia!” He snapped, cutting her off. He wasn’t sure where her rush of words had come from, what she thought she had said. It was obvious there was something missing though, as her eyes landed back on him, wide and wet with tears.

“I heard you tell Mom and Dad that we weren’t dating.” She stated with a sniff, “And--”

His heart lurched in his chest.

“No.” He sighed, cutting her off again as he ducked his head, “God Tee, no. I don’t--”

Taking a breath he looked back to her, brushing the first tear from her cheek as he shook his head.

“I only said we weren’t dating because I wasn’t sure if you remembered what you’d said. It’s not that I don’t want to date you.”

Tia sniffed again, wiping at her eyes as she shook her head, “Stupid drugs. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”

He couldn’t help but smirk as he tilted his head, “You want to try again?”

She smiled back with a sigh, her thumb brushing over his as she watched their hands, “I shouldn’t have said what I did down there.” She told him, voice steadier, “I--”

He waited as her voice caught, kept his thumb smoothing over hers calmingly as she took a wobbly breath and blinked back against the wave of emotion.

“I shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that. Not when we didn’t know what was going to happen next.”

Scott shook his head, squeezing her hand slightly.

“I’m sorry too. I wish I’d said it when I found you, or last night, or…” He trailed off with a shrug, “I’m an idiot for not realising sooner.”

Bringing her hand to his lips again, he sighed, “I love you Tia, and I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.”

She smiled as he pressed her hand to his lips, “I’ll forgive you on the basis that I know how little you get out.”

The comment was more like her, witty and quick and full of snark. A sign of a head that was clearing and escaping from the cloud of drugs.

“Stop it.” She murmured, the look she was giving him making it clear his thoughts were clear to read on his face, “The nurse will give me painkillers when I’m due. It’s fine.”

Scott rolled his eyes with a grin, “Oh sweetheart, with the blue eyes and roguish smile comes the worrying. You can’t choose which parts of the package you get.”

Her face lit up as she laughed, assuring Scott that - even scraped and bruised, and recovering from major surgery- she would be okay.

[phoenixrising0308]

The Time Apart: Stargazing and heartbreak

So I couldn't say goodbye to @wackydrabbles without a story. So this is my farewell piece and after semi-retirement I wanted to go back to a friendship pairing that I love writing about the most. I must admit I wasn't ready to say goodbye to @wackydrabbles however, it will forever be in my heart. I am proud to be one of the original writers for the blog thank you for allowing me to be a part of this amazing project. So till we meet again. The prompt will appear in bold....#145*: “That was really, really good.”

Books: The Royal Romance

Rating: G

Triggers: None Identified by this author

Pairing: (no pairing/friendship)  Jessica Garcia and Drake Walker

A/U: Agent Phoenix: Forged in Fire - The time apart: This timeline occurs during Jessica's absence in Cordonia or when not formally paired in Cordonia with Liam as the TRR cast and original characters deal with her absence as well as Jessica and Liam attempt to go through life without each other. Stories may or may not have an in the present timeline component and are not always in order. It depends on the prompt, random inner thoughts, and the muse whenever they stop by. There are no chapter numbers as they are written as just a series of events in story form. Multi-part stories, as always, are labeled.

Detailed disclaimer

Catch me here

A/N #1: Jessica and Drake share a moment together.

A/N #2 This is an Agent Phoenix forged in fire directors cut one-shot and drabble series. This story has been in my drafts forever. Frankly, I wasn't sure if I could get back to writing, but I needed to for this moment. Wacky drabbles connected me with some amazing lifelong friends and I wouldn't trade my experience with the blog for the world.

Thank you to my friends that have shown me nothing but love and support. I would be lost without you all. Thank you to @twinkleallnight for the beta read you are amazing my friend and I love you dearly.

Song Inspiration: Airplanes - B.o.B featuring Haley Williams

Word count: 1,996*As always, forgive my typos and grammatical errors.    

* Reading time: 8 minutes

Cordonia

Social Season….

It was another stuffy gala that to Drake seemed pointless when Liam knew who he wanted. Jessica had been around him for a moment while they hung out at the edge of the ballroom.

"You sure you don't want to be at your big fancy gala?" Drake said. "Might miss hobnobbing with the elite. "

Jessica shook her head as they both got away from the crowd. "Nope, my Spanx are riding up on me, Bertrand has his period tonight, and if he says one more thing I think I'm going to stab him with a fork. Besides, Liam just had his dance with me and I won't be able to catch his attention for another hour at least."

Jessica glanced at him, "Want to people watch?"

Drake huffed, "Tempting but you've seen one snobbish asshole you've seen them all."

To Jessica's surprise, he led her to the garden's sitting area, he leaned against the stone wall and looked up.

Jessica chuckled. "Oh stargazing."

"It's nature. Nature is manly, so shut up."

She playfully rolled her eyes, “Relax. I love stargazing. It was one of my favorite things to do growing up. Still is."

A moment of silence passed by when Drake informed her, "...You know, my Dad used to take me camping and we would stare while our food cooked on the campfire. Not nearly as many here as there are in the woods. Too many lights blocking them out."

Jessica joined him, looking up in wonder. "Yeah, my Dad and I did something similar at my old treehouse when I was younger." She smiled and pointed. "Oh look, there's Orion's belt."

Drake was quiet next to her as he looked up and pointed. "What's that one? The one kind of off by itself?"

"I don't know that one." She shrugged.

Drake nodded while staring up at it. "Me neither. I always wondered though. Should look it up later."

She smiled. "Or better yet...Since we don't know the name, want to name it anyway? Make a memory out of it. "

"Seriously?"

"Fuck it, why not?" She shrugged. She chuckled to herself and said, "I think it should be the...The Connector...See how it branches out to those others? Even though it's by itself it's diagonal to the others. So it could be a million miles away but it's still shining with every other star in that cluster there. It's a stray star that still forms different shapes with the distant stars over there."

Drake huffed with a smirk, "It's probably just a part of a constellation, Garcia."

"Yeah, probably. But screw it."

He nodded. "Alright...Screw it." He glanced over at her. Social Season was almost over and Drake knew she was Liam's choice. Out of all the choices; Drake slowly but surely approved of her the most.

He cleared his throat and said, "You know, Garcia. I didn't think you'd make it this long but you did. I'm fucking surprised but not mad about it."

She gasped dramatically, "Oh my God! Am I hearing Drake Walker saying he's enjoying someone's company?"

He turned to leave and she urged him back. He sighed and leaned against the railing again. "Yeah, yeah. You're okay."

She smirked. "Yeah, you're okay too. A major asshole but not as hard as you want to be, Marshmallow."

He groaned, "I told you not to call me that-'

"Too late."

She laughed as she gazed up at the stars. Her makeup and hair were still perfectly done with her gala dress.

Drake gestured to her, "I'm glad this didn't get to your head. The fancy dresses, the hair, the makeup, this lifestyle. You have always been true to yourself. I really was an asshole to you. I just didn't want to see the poor guy's heart ripped to shreds. I’m sorry."

"Yeah, you were." Jessica huffed. "I love Liam, Drake. I'm in love with him, not the fame or fortune. I don't even feel comfortable in the spotlight. If he chooses me, I won't change. I hope that's enough for him. He means everything to me."

Drake said, "He feels the same way, Garcia."

"...So, do I have the best friend's approval?"

Drake gave her a rare smile. "Yeah, you do. You'll make a damn good Queen. Maybe whip this Country into what it needs; a modern twist to stuffy old bullshit."

She smiled at him. "Thanks for being here for me. You made me a little less homesick. I told you on the jet that we will be friends at the end of this. Well, you aren't just my friend Drake, you're more like a bother."

"You're such a pain in my ass. But I love you like a sister."

They both looked at each other with warm smiles. Drake broke the silence and said "Enough of the sentimental bull shit." Drake dipped into his pocket and removed a flask and took a sip and passed it to Jessica. Jessica took the flask and without hesitation drank from it and nodded her head as she said, “That was really, really good.”

Drake laughed and said, “Of course, it’s from Constantine’s private reserve.”

“Yea fuck that guy.” Jessica chuckled and took another sip. Drake snatched the flask and chiddled “Well don’t fucken drink it all.”

Years Later…

New York

It was cloudy as Jessica sighed to herself and tried to look out at the sky. A memory hit her and she frowned deeply. The lights reflected off the clouds and not a star in sight.

Tonight, she really needed that star.

She had become a recluse into her apartment all day after finding an article online she accidentally clicked on that talked about Cordonia. She didn't read it, she just couldn't.

She thought, 'Probably a new baby or some marriage alliance already formed with their kids.' She sadly thought as it burned her throat and made her chest ache to think about it.

She sighed to herself, closing her eyes to prevent the tears as thunder and lightning sounded and flashed overhead. She reluctantly shut her window, letting her hand rest on it for a moment in thought.

'I wish I could just go back and hug you like I used to no matter how shitty the news you always made it better.' She thought as a stray tear slid down her cheek, knowing she could never go back no matter how much she missed it.

Meanwhile…

Cordonia

It had rained all day and there was just enough of a clearing for Drake to see stars in his backyard. He was just going out to get something and bring it in from the rain when something told him to look up. He did so, sighing deeply to himself as he saw that lone star twinkling a small distance from the others but still formed shapes if you connected it to them.

"Do you even look for our star?... Would you even recognize it, Garcia?" He mumbled to himself as if she would answer.

He shook his head at himself, feeling foolish for talking to her out loud as if she could hear. He went in, looking back at it one last time and he made a wish “Come back” he softly whispered before heading indoors.

Years later...

Cordonia, Ramsford

Drake opened the door and stood in the patio gazing up at the sky. He needed to decompress from the commotion, even with people he was close to.

"What are you doing out here?" Jessica said as she smiled and stood beside him. "Alone time? Want me to leave?"

Drake gave a slight smile. "Nah. you can stay."

She said, "I can step away for a while. It's not like I'm going anywhere."

He nodded at that. "Good. Don't ever do that shit again.”

"I’m sorry-"

He held up a hand. "You don't have to explain yourself, I get it. I understood then too.”

She looked up with him and smiled. "Hey, there's our star."

Drake muttered “The connector.”

Jessica admired it. It was silent for just a moment before she softly told him. " Yup that's right. That star always pops out to me now more than ever...You know, I looked for that star every time I felt alone. I spent hours one night trying to find it, but once I found it, it was easy after that...Whenever I needed a reminder of you, I always just looked up."

His smile softened as he didn't look at her, continuing to gaze up at the sky his chocolate eyes pooled with tears threatening to spill if he looked at her.

"...Everytime I went outside at night I looked up… I thought of you. It was a different type of heartache and I can’t do it again." He looked down at her with a sadness in his gaze he usually kept under lock and key except for a select few people. “Stay in my life even if you leave here tomorrow.” Drake let his guard down and closed his eyes and tears ran down his cheeks.

Jessica took a shaky breath and she hugged as she said, “ I just never thought I could comeback Drake.” Drake held her in his arms and rubbed her back and said, “You could always come home, this is as much your home as New York is.” They held each other in silence before stepping away, both wiping their own tears on their sleeves.

She looked back at him and said, "I made you cry.”

He flipped her off with a smirk that he tried to hide and she flipped him off back as she headed back inside with an airy laugh.

Drake went to follow before looking back up. That star twinkling in sync with the others. Drake made a silent wish on their star. He shook his head with a smile and went inside with her.

He took a moment to look around the crowded room Savannah shuffled plates, Bertrand arguing with Maxwell over the music, Leo lounging on a chair, Hana sitting at the piano, Olivia staring at the Beaumont code of arms on the wall, and Liam sitting on the sofa covered in cake by Bartie who was attempting to eat birthday cake on his lap.

Jessica went to him and said softly "Liam your tie is covered in cake." He could see the hope in Liam’s eyes as Liam leaned over to her. Jessica nervously bit her lip as moved forward and loosened his tie. Liam looked on with a loving and longing glaze almost as he had been waiting a century to feel her touch.

Drake took a deep breath as he watched them hoping that another one of his wishes on their star could come true that two broken hearts could be mended and become one again.

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 13th September

Nothing new in the first week of September, apparently. Maybe all the cool kids were just too busy starting school? Or maybe the charts were just still clogged with Frankie Lymon, Doris Day and Bill Haley, all of whom seem to have really stuck around for multiple months. I've not really been looking at that statistic much, but it's interesting - most of the songs that really stick around do look like quality tunes. Will our first tune this week be one of them?

Lay Down Your Arms - Anne Shelton (peaked at Number 1)

Oooh, okay, we've started with a very military sound, all brassy and bugle-heavy, with a marching beat that sets up up well for Anne's entrance, as she entreats her love to Come to the station / Jump from the train / March at the double / Down lover's lane. It's... strident, for sure.

This energy continues throughout the song, too. Anne's got the same vibe here as my old primary school headmistress, and is just as bossy, giving her love the repeated order to Lay down your arms / And surrender to mine. Which is a good pun, but the vigour with which it's hammered into you here is honestly a bit alarming. You get the sense that Anne wouldn't be against beating her love into submission if he didn't want to surrender.

We get a little bit of a story between these choruses, about Anne's love being called up for military service, and about the trials of loving a soldier, and some patriotic guff about how soldiers have their duty / To answer to the call, but mostly the song's just Anne giving her love - who's apparently on leave - orders to come visit her. It's all done in this very forceful, military march style that I don't massively care for, but that does fit the subject matter.

To be truthful, it feels a little old-fashioned, at this point. We had a spate of songs about being separated from your military lover all the way back in 1952. Heck, even then I speculated that they might be a hangover from the Second World War, and this song smacks of this. Anne Shelton was known as a forces' sweetheart, and really feels like a relic of that era. I know that wars were still going on, and people were still being called up, so maybe it had some resonances there, but still...

Oooh, though apparently this did still raise some eyebrows at the BBC - and it was initially blacklisted, until people kept requesting it - as there had just been the Suez Crisis and there were also tensions ongoing in Cyprus, and the BBC thought the song would literally encourage troops to lay down their arms and not fight. Which is patently a ridiculous claim, if you've listened to the song - it's as patriotic as they come, with the laying down of arms occurring in a purely romantic and not pacifistic context. But hey, the Cold War was a paranoid time, I guess?

Born to Be With You - The Chordettes (8)

Interestingly, the last song was also originally a Chordettes number, which I think would have given it an entirely different feel. I'd quite liked to have heard that version - but this is a nice treat too!

When I think of the Chordettes, I think of tight, pretty vocal harmonies, and this song really doesn't disappoint in that department. The opening and first verse alone are masterfully done, as they sing about being By your side, satisfied / Through and through / Cause I was born / To be with you. They're so very together with it, each moving at exactly the same time, making for a full, rich sound that's just gorgeous.

And this basically just continues through the rest of the song, with a repeated chord pattern on the bass guitar and a quiet, frenetic sort of percussion pattern. It's very minimal, and actually feels like something you could easily port over to a modern indie pop tune, something vaguely Vampire Weekend-adjacent. Or maybe that's me making stuff up, but I like it a lot either way!

Amazingly, we also get a hummed verse and a whistled counterpoint verse, both of which are things I like a lot in songs. It immediately mades the song feel laid-back and casual in a very appealing way. I felt more and more chilled out, the more I've listened to this track, which is a good feeling.

There's also a simplicity but a profundity to the song, with its basic rhetorical call and response lyrics, as the Chordettes ask Do I find / Peace of mind? / Yes, I do / Cause I was born to be with you. It's the idea of finding somebody and just feeling totally relaxed and at peace, and I like how the music and the lyrics work together to convey that feeling of ease and cosy, carefree confidence, all leading up to a well-earned, beautifully plagal a cappella Amen.

Man, the Chordettes really were beautiful singers. This is awesome.

As periodically happens, I have found myself at odds with the public here - as much as I like a metaphor, Anne's strident lines didn't do half as good a job at winning me over as the Chordettes' more dulcet, smooth tones, with their simplicity and tight harmonies. Just *chef's kiss*

Favourite song of the bunch: Born to Be With You

[falsebooles123]

Confessions of a Recovering Genre-Phobic 1/13/24

Hey Whores, This Week was the middle of a giant blizzard through most of central and southern oregon. Did I get any snow? No so fuck the weather too. Anyway heres some music I listened to.

Emoji Antique (2015) - Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox

Genre: Jazz Length: (12 Tracks)

Figured I'd start this week off on an easy peesey album. When I first made this list in 2019 I added a lot of what I would now consider twee music. I made a point to cull out the various Movie Soundtracks, Comedy Albums, and other 'novelty' music from the list before the new years. To underline my adoration for this style in my cabernet/jazz era I also include the solo albums for Casey Abram and Hailey Reinhart on my watchlist, (listenlist?).

I will say that album despite it coming out directly before the last PMJ album we reviewed is subsequental lesser.

But I feel the need as a reviewer to properly anaylsis my own discomfort with the work. I will say that my ira with this album is fully subtextual right? Objectively the jazz in this album are good. These are great singers and they do a great job but PMJ is not an original work, its a cover band which means that are approuch to listening to this music is colored by us actually knowing the original work and are feelings about the original music to begin with. I think its also important to recognize that PMJ works best as a a live band. My initial interest in the band was from watching there youtube videos which are filmed as a chamber set often with a central Chanteuse character drawing attention center stage. It very much is playing off of the performance style of these genres of music and it works incredible well. These people are hot, they sing well, and they have an incredible fantastic stage presence. It what makes this songs have a lasting impact in my opinion. Listening to a purely audio version of these songs is a detriment and honestly the tangible albums have also felt a little cashgrabby. I mean they released four albums in 2015. Four of them. its really doesn't feel like these were artistic attempts and putting together the creme de la creme of there chambe sessions it feels much more like a bunch of singles they ripped to cd so that they had something to sell at merch tables.

Bad Romance and Barbie Girl are both fantastic stage performances and its truly sad that you can't see Sarah Reich in her footwork with a literally cd of this.

I feel like my thoughts are all over the place so I'm gonna try my best to make my critiques cognent. Why not a numbered list.

Lyricism

Famarity

Production

Lyricism

The opener of this album is All About That Bass (feat. Morgan James, Haley Reinhart, Ariana Savalas & Casey Abrams). Its meant as this fun, feel-good, pop number and it is and so is the original. The issue for me is that I just don't like Trainers message in it. this review is too long to get to deep in the paint about it but Trainer centers who own love and self-accemptance exclusively on whether or not shes fuckable to men and theres also quite a bit of skinny shaming in it. with some very weak lip-service and yes this song came out way before much of the culteral conversation over body positivity and body nutrality and all that crap but It still sits in the pantheon of other girlboss songs like 'before he cheats' and 'you belong to me' that have a kind of toxic feminitiy to. It rubs me the wrong way.

This is the two edged sword of PMJ because on one hand the torch singing style there known for focuses on the lyricism and songs that really sing on this album Creep, Barbie Girl I Believe In A Thing Called Love, and Only One have fantastic lyrics. Its acts as an appreciation to the craft of songwriting. Contrary-wise it makes the weak lyricism of other songs that much more thread-bare. If 80% of your song and mixing is focused on the words they have to be good or at least they pale in comparision to the tent-poles of there work. The enthralling torch songs that made me first fall in love with there work.

Familarity

So heres the thing right. If you have a cover band you want to cover songs that people know right? Usually this isn't a problem they choose a lot of big, and I mean like huge, top 100 pop songs. Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, Bruno Mars. Songs that would be immediately recognizable and beloved. For fucks sake this album ends with a pared-down solely recreation of Take Me To Church. They play crowd pleasers. So lets play a game name who sings these songs.

Such Great Heights

I Believe in A Thing Called Love

That was The Postal Service and The Darkness. Oh uh yes these were top 100 hits in there specific genres in 2003. On further research I have heard Such Great Heights. Mostly because I really love 2000s indie pop but the main issue with this is that I don't recognize the song from the arrangement. The arrangement is fantastic its a great song but its not recognizable the same experience. And I don't want to act like thats a bad thing that an adaptation is *too* tranformative. At the same time I feel like we should question what is the point of a cover band doing a cover that nobody recognizes?

Ok Round Two

Only One

Poison

That was Kanye West and Rita Ora!!!!

Ok so heres the vibe. These songs are both from around early 2015, and were fairly popular on the radio at that time. In fact, Rita Ora released her single only two weeks before PMJ covered it. Neither or these songs to the best of my understanding had any staying power, (I for one had never heard of them before despite me being in my peak listening to the radio era), they didn't even make the top 100 for that year. If your wondering all the other contemporary songs on this album are on there. Its hard not to see this as Scott Bradlee's hearing a critical acclaimed song on the radio and then immediately turning around and making an arrangement for it for the clicks. Which don't get me wrong that was 85% of the trending videos on youtube at the time but it still acts as a burr in my side when looking at this from a artistic perspective. Because once again these songs don't sound like the original which brings us to my third point.

Production

To keep this slightly brief lets discuss. Paper Planes - M.I.A. You know the one its the song with the hook that goes "bang bang bang cash register and takes your money". The production on the song is fantastic. The beat is dreamy and gauzy, her vocals are muted but lathegic like shes in another room. Its a sound that is distinctive it feels like walking down the street in a 90s action film. right with that very specific california sunny filter that makes everything piss yellow. thats what the song sounds like and its because of the mixing and sound production because pop music is pretty complicated to make these days. It tends to be a very layered sound that what a producer is.

Big Band music can also be incredible complex and layered. Theres a lot of feeling that can be created between harmony and melody and procussion. These are two bad bitches that shouldn't be pitted against each other.

The issue for me with this song is that the percussion fucking sucks. The Paper Planes Hook. The part of the song that is so goddamn iconic is replaced by a paltry stacccoto brass section. The fuck. That is not in the original spirit of the song. Its one thing to take a fast-past hiphop song and sing it slow and bluesey, its another to listen to well-produced beats and then shit your goddamn pants at the percussionist section.

If I was given the task to incorporate these non-diegetic sounds into a orchestial style there are ways to do it. Large Snare Sounds, stomping, or you could do what my highschool theater class did and band two 2x4 together. Trust me it sounds like shots fired. Also here me out you get a vintage cash register place in on the table front and center and have your procussionist literally just open it during the hook. It would be cute it would be fun, it is so entirely within the realm, style, and humor of PMJ that what we did get is honestly kinda insulting. I just don't like the production on this song and I think it shows a lack of polish in the arrangement.

Now that I have been alittle bitch for longer then should be allowed. I want to say that my criticism of this album is entirely intellectual. It was fine it was a perfectly fine album.

The reason why I am writing these blogs is to think more critically about music about writing and about criticism. So me being a little bitch is me practising being a little bitch for money!!!!! HIIIII give me moneyh!11 pelase. This is not intended as a serious review. This is a writing project so take it as a grain of salt.

3/5

Dream Your Life Away (2014) - Vance Joy

Genre: Indie Folk, Indie Pop Length 49:00 (13 Tracks)

If your famalier with Vance Joy its most likely through his break-out single 'Riptide', a folksy acoustic balad with esoteric lyrics. Also an absolutely fantastic music video, If Radley Mertzger saw it he would cum.

Looking at the rest of his set on this album you get a very similar energy. Hozier-esque Vance Joy uses this indie folk stylings to sing sad ballads about love.

It feels like the insecurties you have when you began to date a beautiful person, it feels like the cold blue light of an newly empty apartment, it feels like watching somebody you love sleep and wondering what you did to be so goddamn lucky.

Its a very meloncholic album, something you put on when your alone and lonely. Good Shit.

4/5

Hug Of Thunder (2017) - Broken Social Scene

Genre: Indie Rock, Baroque Pop Length: 52:19 (12 Tracks)

I first listened to BSS entirely because it was off-handedly mentioned by a bunch of hipsters in the webcomic Questionable Content. You know back when it was about Jeff Jacques self-insert being emotional abused by a big titty hot chick and not existential trans-humanist conversations and milfs with fat cow tits, (I refuse to explain).

Hug of Thunder is the Fifth Studio Album from Broken Social Scene, which is apparently a musical collective with a rather large member list. This album has 23 listed musicans on it if that tells you anything.

I'm not great at describing sounds but its layered, indie rock that creates an almost soundscape type quality. IDK its moody indie stuff I'm bad at this and thats ok.

4/5

Halloway EP (2016) - Tessa Violet

Genre: Dark Pop Length: 16:52 (5 Tracks)

I remember when I first heard this album. It was 2019 and I was going through a major depressive episode. I was cold, both emotional and physically, and suffering through the most incredible emo of heartbreak. bitch was going through it.

Tessa refers to this album as her 'dark pop' album and that is understable. Theres a lot of heartbreak in the album and while some songs like 'not over you' are a feel-good anthem there is a certain rawness to Haze and On my Own that I still come back to all these years later.

This is an important album to me and for how much its forgotten by others I still have no choice but to love it.

4/5

Primordial Archive (2023) - Elliot Lee

Genre: Alt Pop Length: 48 Minutes (16 Tracks)

Elliot Lee has been a name I feel like I have always been famalier with. While its easy to compare her to artists like Jasmin Bean and Melanie Martinez who also play with creepy cute imagery and discuss themes of obsession and mental illness. Lee's work to me has always felt much more connected to internet culture. She makes the type of pop music that you would draw animatics of your OCs to.

Her work is angry, confessional, spoken word at times and she layers it over an almost nightcore or glitchcore sound. Electronica that is destinctly 2000s in sound with distorted vocals that lend an almost bluesy sound to her words. Its a strong distinction from comparable artists in the Alt Pop scene.

Primordial Archive is a fix-up album from Photo Finish Records. Putting together a variety of her earlier songs with a new Single 'Funny Bunny'. I was original concerned with cohesion with this album but on relisten in gelled a lot more for me. Lee has spent the last who knows many years putting out singles so when it comes together it turns out OOPS all bangers. Theres some fantastic tracks on this album and I think it manages to show her range quite well.

Funny Bunny the signiture single on the album is equally fantastic. You have lee's signiture confessional lyrics that are .... a little too relatable if I'm being honest over what can only be described as a DDR dance beat. Its recognizable Elliot Lee and its a damn good pop song.

4/5

Anyway Whores I'm not sure what tomarrow brings but I have to imagine its more music.

[potsandpains]

practically perfect in every way part 4

hotch x fem!reader

AN: ooookay im still alive!! let me know what y'all think of this!!!

jack is 6 at the beginning of this, haley is,,, not living (rip) and hotch is aorund 40ish in this! reader is 25-26ish.

summary: aaron is feelin real angsty over how much he likes his son's nanny, and his angst is made worse by said nanny having a boyfriend he is NOT a fan of

plus a little action in this one wink wink

CW: asshole boyfriend??? i think that's it???

part 1:

part 2:

part 3:

/ / /

“Garcia do we have an address for the suspect’s parents?” Hotch said into his phone.

“Yes sir,” she replied, “looks like Kurt and Cheryl are at 1312 y/n Drive. Sending you the address now!”

“Thank you.” He hung up.

How funny, he thought, what are the odds a tiny town with a population of less than 20,000 people would have a street with her name on it? 

When he and Morgan rounded the corner to the address, he took a picture of the street sign and sent y/n a text. 

AH: Saw your name on a street sign in the middle of nowhere. Funny, right?

She responded almost immediately.

YN: Oh that’s way funny! Any way you could pull some FBI strings and steal the sign for me? It would make for a great wall decoration lol

AH: Something tells me theft of city property might be an abuse of my position. Sorry.

YN: All good, boss man. Only joking lol.

It had been a few weeks since the black eye incident. Their moment in the kitchen (so rudely interrupted by Jack. Aaron loved his son but he didn’t know if he’d ever been so exasperated with him than in that very moment) lingered in Aaron’s memory. His dynamic with y/n hadn’t changed dramatically, but it didn’t necessarily feel like it had never happened either. 

She was still her bubbly self, he the stoic grouch she claimed he was. She teased him and he teased back with enough encouragement. But something was different.

He caught her looking at him with the same tender expression he had caught that night more and more, and he wasn’t sure if it was because it was occurring with greater frequency or because she wasn’t hiding it. 

He found himself more apt to be close to her. They had never been physically affectionate, but she now gave him a hug goodbye before she left every night, and when he got home from cases he hugged both Jack and her.

He felt like he was back in middle school, losing his mind over hugging her. But he loved being able to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight, even if it was just for a second or two. 

Those seconds were precious to him, as she now was spending more and more time with Braden. 

Y/n and Braden had met while in line at the grocery store. Y/n was picking up groceries for the Hotchners when she realized she had forgotten goldfish crackers for Jack. So, turning to the person behind her, she asked if he could hold her space in line while she went to grab them. 

He said he would, in exchange for her phone number and a coffee date. 

At least, that’s how y/n explained it to Aaron. She and Braden went on the coffee date and had gotten along quite well, and had been texting ever since.

Aaron, having never met him, obviously hated him.

He was sure he was fine, really, but he hated that Braden apparently had more guts than he did.

Aaron Hotchner, unit chief of the BAU, an FBI agent who chased psychopaths for a living, had been too scared to act on how he felt, and as a result had to listen to y/n talk about whoever Braden was, heart wincing every time.

He found out who Braden was, naturally.

Besides y/n’s description, he had Garcia run a very thorough background check the minute he got a last name from Y/n. Braden Casey; a high school math teacher who enjoyed dogs, hiking, and reading in his free time. Besides having an odd fixation with self-help podcasts (who listens to 4 different podcasts on how to become ‘the man’?) no red flags arose from the report he received from Garcia, but there was something about him that Aaron simply did not trust. 

Y/n didn’t talk about him much. He assumed it was because she was trying to be somewhat professional around him. He hoped it was to spare his feelings.

He tried to be encouraging and supportive. “What’s Braden like?” He had asked her.

“He’s great,” She had said. “I don’t know, he’s always working towards being a better version of himself, and he really wants to be the best person he can. It’s something I really admire about him.”

He hoped that was true.

They dated slowly, he thought. Apparently Braden did a lot of after school tutoring and wasn’t free many evenings and heaven knows y/n was busy with Jack, so they didn’t go out often.

He learned from y/n this was called the “talking stage,” where they weren’t strictly dating each other but were still communicating and maintaining interest.

Thus, another reason he thought Braden an idiot. Y/n wasn’t the kind of person with whom you had a talking stage, he had thought. Aaron thought if he were smart Braden would snap y/n up as quickly as he could. Although, he wished he wouldn’t.

That’s what he would have done, if hadn’t psyched himself out. He tried to convince himself to own up to what he felt and to simply tell her. It would be much easier to have it out in the open if she wasn’t in a committed relationship, right?

But somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. She seemed happy, and he didn’t want to ruin that by saying “hey, i know you’re my son’s nanny and i'm technically your boss but just a heads up I wanted to tell you I’m so in love with you I can hardly function!”

He didn’t think that would end well.

So he was quiet. And patient. And frustrated as hell.

/ / /

Around two months into their “talking stage,” y/n had mentioned to him that she and Braden were officially dating.

“Really?” he asked, feigning excitement. “That’s exciting. Congrats.”

“Thanks!” She replied. “I’m excited.”

“So how is that going to work? He seems pretty busy, and heaven knows we keep you busy enough around here-”

“Oh,” she interrupted. “Braden mapped out a schedule of things so we have an idea of when we’re both free. He says he wants to ‘optimize on any free time so this will work’,” She said, using air quotes with a laugh on her lips.

Aaron briefly considered completely chaning every aspect of Jack’s and y/n’s schedule to throw a wrench in Braden’s plans. Deciding to save his pettiness for another day, he simply nodded. 

“That sounds very… organized.” He said.

“Yeah he’s kind of funny about that kind of stuff. Blames it on his math brain, apparently. Everything has a system and a place and he likes things done as neatly as possible.”

What was she, his girlfriend or a calculus problem? He thought to himself. 

“Well great. Sounds like he’s thought of everything then.” He said.

She shrugged. “Sure seems like it.”

/ / /

“No, I still can’t make it tonight. Yeah, Jack has a big history project due tomorrow and I really want to be here in case he needs help… No, I can’t just call Jess. Look, I’m sorry you bought tickets for that orchestra concert I told you I couldn’t go to weeks ago but I- Yes, I put it on the google calendar and everything. This project is really important to Jack and I’m not missing it... I really am so sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Aaron was at his desk in his office, listening (while simultaneously trying not to listen) to y/n pace up and down the upstairs hallway on the phone with whom he could only presume to be Braden.

They had been officially dating for three months, and Aaron couldn’t help but notice that things felt off between the two. He didn’t know what exactly, but something had shifted between y/n and Braden and things weren’t as neat and tidy as before.

He sat at his desk, trying (and failing) to read his book as he listened to y/n and Jack work on his history project downstairs. He was supposed to do a report on a person in history he admired. Aaron had assumed he would pick Abraham Lincoln or the Wright brothers or any other historical figure, but Jack had apparently decided that the most influential person in his world was Dr. John Harvey Keller, who had invented the process of making peanut butter. 

An odd choice, but Aaron understood the appeal. 

After spending an indeterminate amount of time reading and rereading the same page, he called it quits. Closing his book, he placed it on the desk and began walking downstairs. Maybe at least he could help Jack glue pictures to his poster. He was halfway down the stairs when he heard a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it,” he said, “I’m halfway there anyway.”

“Okay!” Jack and y/n chorused from the kitchen.

Years at the BAU had made him cautious of unexpected visitors. He double checked for the small revolver he had stashed in the bookcase next to the door. He had always made sure it was nearly above his own reach so Jack could never get to it. Clicking the lock open and taking it from its hiding place in the fake book, he tucked it into the waistband of his jeans, keeping a hand on it as he opened the door.

Much to his surprise, it wasn’t a maniacal psychopath at his doorstep. 

It was worse.

It was Braden.

His button down shirt and tie had a defeated look about them with his tie loosened and top button undone.Aaron noticed his slacks were wrinkled. He cocked his head to the side and looked Aaron up and down.

Aaron’s eyes narrowed.

Braden pushed his wavy hair out of his eyes and stuck his hands in his pockets.

“Is y/n here?” He asked.

Aaron decided to play dumb, pretending that he hadn’t done a background search so thorough he knew exactly what was on Braden’s web browser history.

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Braden Casey. I’m y/n’s boyfriend. You must be Aaron?” He extended a hand to Aaron.

“It’s Mr. Hotchner, thank you.” Aaron nodded. He reached forward and reciprocated his handshake. It was firmer than he anticipated it to be, but still weaker than his own.

Braden swallowed. 

“Come in,” He said, “I know she’s pretty busy with Jack, but let me see if she can come to the door.”

Braden didn’t move from his spot on the porch. 

God He really needed to quit being so antagonistic. 

“You really work her hard, don’t you?” Braden said.

“I’m sorry?”

“Can’t even give her a night off to go to a concert with her boyfriend?” Braden said it as if he was trying to be funny, saying it almost jokingly, but there was bitterness to his words.

“Y/n sets her own hours.” Aaron responded sharply. “Maybe you should ask yourself why she wanted to be here instead of with you.”

“Easy old man, I-”

“Braden?” y/n appeared behind him, looking at Braden over Aaron’s shoulder. “What are you doing here? I gave you the address to the house for emergencies, you aren’t supposed to come here when I’m working.”

“I think it’s an emergency when my girlfriend cancels our date to hang out with a 7 year old.” Braden said, crossing his arm.

Aaron saw anger flash in y/n’s eyes. “Okay, you come with me. If you have something to say to me, we’re going to talk about this like adults.” She pushed past Aaron, meeting Braden on the porch and grabbing him by the arm and pulling him down the steps of the porch. She looked over her shoulder to Aaron. “Tell Jack I’ll be right back.”

He nodded as she closed the door behind her, placing the gun back to its hiding place and walking into the kitchen to find Jack with a glue stick in hand and paper cutouts of peanuts and Dr. John Harvey Keller stuck to his face. He turned to face Aaron, paper crinkling. “Hey dad! Do you like my pictures?” 

Aaron sighed. “They’re great, buddy. I’d like them more if they were on your poster, though.”

Jack rubbed his sticky hands together, grinning at the sound it made. “Do you think I could glue my lips shut?”

Aaron pulled the glue stick from his son’s hand. “Glue is for paper, Jack, not for your skin. I know it’s fun to play with, but you need to use it properly or we can’t use it at all. Do you want to take those pictures off yourself or do you want me to help you?”

Jack began pulling them off one by one. “I can do it. Who was at the door?”

Aaron resisted the urge to sigh once again. “Y/n’s friend, Braden.”

“You mean her boooooyfriend?” Jack said.

“Yes, her boyfriend.” He replied. 

“I don’t like him.” Jack winced after a piece of paper that was stuck to his eyebrow came off.

“Why not, buddy?”

“Y/n says he’s really nice but if he’s nice he wouldn’t come to our house and stop y/n from helping me with my homework.” He said matter-of-factly. 

Aaron thought about that for a second before nodding in agreement. “I guess that’s fair.”

Jack shrugged. “I wish y/n didn’t have a boyfriend, then she could be here all the time.”

“Jack she’s already here pretty much all the time.”

“She doesn’t sleep here all the time.” Jack said defiantly. “She has a different house she sleeps at. The one where she doesn’t have a bathtub.”

“I guess you’re right. I’m sorry, I know you really like her.”

“I love her.” Jack said, smoothing out the pieces of paper he had glued to his face. They were wrinkly, but hopefully would still work.

Aaron just nodded. 

“Dad?”

“Yeah buddy.”

“Do you love y/n?” He asked. 

Aaron paused, swallowing. His heart ached as he replied, “Yeah Jack, I do.”

He and Jack were working in silence when y/n reappeared, cheeks flushed and eyes watery. Jack was putting the finishing touches on his poster board and was focused on it when Aaron caught y/n’s attention. Are you okay? He mouthed.

She shook her head, looking down. 

Aaron cocked his head towards the doorway. Go head upstairs. I’ll get Jack, he mouthed.

She nodded, leaving the kitchen quickly. 

“Jack, that looks great,” Aaron said. “I think y/n is super tired and went to bed. Let’s get you to bed too and then we’ll finish it up tomorrow morning.”

Aaron was thankful that Jack went to bed quickly and quietly. He was a smart kid, and clued into the tension that was lingering in the air. After Aaron helped him with scrubbing glue from his face, arms, and hands, he fell asleep right as his head the pillow. 

After closing Jack’s door, Aaron found his way in front of y/n’s. He knocked on the door. “Y/n?”

“Come in.”

He eased open the door and found her sitting cross-legged on the bed, clutching a pillow. 

“Hey.” He said. 

“Hi.” She said.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Yes? No? I’m not sure.”

“Can I ask what happened? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but if it would help-” 

“I think that would be good. I should talk to someone about all this, I think.” She said. 

He didn’t move from his spot by the door. Y/n glanced up towards him. “You can sit down. I won’t make you stand through this.” She sniffed as she patted a spot next to her on the bed. Aaron sat, making sure to keep ample distance between the two of them.

“Have I ever told you that Braden is on a new kick of listening exclusively to classical music?”

He shook his head.

She laughed. There was bitterness in it. “He said that classical and instrumental music makes him feel good. Read about it in some book that it doesn’t distract you like other genres and allows you to focus on being your “best self.” Anything loud and rambunctious sounds like radio static now, apparently.”

Aaron snorted, but said nothing

“I like classical music fine, I just don’t want it to be the only thing I listen to. I am also a hundred percent sure he still listens to all his normal stuff too but he has this weird thing with me where I think he needs to appear like he’s the smartest guy in the room. Classical music really is fine and there are plenty of pieces I like but when I’m with him, that’s all we listen to. Which is fine because he’s comfortable and just fine but what if I said one day that I hate classical music and it sounds like radio static to me? Would he change? Would he listen to the music that I like? Would he drop the stupid act?”

She clutched the pillow tighter, shaking her head. “I like him, I really do, and we get along well, temperament wise. It’s just that our interests are so different and I-” her voice broke and buried her face in the pillow.

“Y/n.” He said.

“What.” she said, her voice muffled by the pillow. 

“Is this really about classical music?”

She lifted her head, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “No, I guess it isn’t.

He remained silent, staring at his hands resting in his lap. 

“I think-” She started, “I think it’s about more than that. I just- he cancels things all the time because a student needs help tutoring or he has a math club meeting or something like that and I am so chill about it. I never lose it and I’m super understanding. But the one time I took a rain check on an orchestra concert I told him I had no interest in going to he comes to your house

and makes me feel like I’m the worst person in the world because I apparently didn’t “consider his feelings” when I consider his feelings all the damn time.” She cringed. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“I just- I don’t think he thinks my work is as important as his and that he somehow needs to prove he’s better than me in some way, even though we literally have the same amount of education and I literally have a published research study on- it doesn’t matter. I- I just - ugh.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Well. That’s another stupid thing.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “He doesn’t want to end things but he wants some time.”

“Like… a break?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“What kind of break?”

“He wants to go no contact for a month. In that month we can date other people and do whatever we like, but if in a month we come back together and we still work, we keep dating.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Aaron couldn’t contain his surprise. “That’s ridiculous.”

“He said it’s to see if we really like each other or if we just haven’t known any different the past few months.”

“Did you agree to it?”

“...I did.”

“Oh.”

“If a month goes by and I still feel the same we can try again. It’s not like we’ll lose our minds and elope if it works out.”

Aaron’s heart dropped into his stomach. He felt a little sick. That was not an image he liked.

“He's-Hotch he is the first guy in ages to treat me decently. He is decent and smart and really good, just a little on the quirky side.”

“Quirky?” Aaron raised his eyebrows. “Is that how you’d describe it?”

“Okay he’s odd and a bit judgemental but I think I should at least try. Don’t you?” She looked exasperated. 

“Y/n.” He said, turning to face her. He moved closer.

“What, Hotch?’ She sounded exhausted. She turned to face him.

“You deserve much more than decent.”

She shook her head. “I know. I- I really do know. I'm-”

Aaron interrupted her by wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to him. She stilled, but didn’t pull away.

“You really deserve the best.” Which is definitely not me, he thought cynically. Or your asshole boyfriend.

Her arms found their way around his waist and she squeezed him tight. “Thank you.”

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “It’ll be okay. You’re smart and capable and lovely, and if he doesn’t see that then I’ll make his life hell.”

“Don’t go all FBI on his ass.”

“I will if I have to.”

She laughed at that, and drew back. “Thanks, Hotch. You’re the best.”

He shook his head. “Just trying to help.” 

/ / /

Two weeks after Y/n and Braden started their “break,” Jack got sick. Not just a little sick with a runny nose, he was seriously sick. Fever, vomit, the whole nine yards, all of it. 

And y/n was a wreck.

She wasn’t sick herself. She had told Hotch that years of nannying had fortified her immune system so much she rarely got sick anymore, but she was a wreck in trying to help Jack. 

He had missed school that day and y/n had stayed home with him. He had been throwing up anything she tried to feed him, and had a fever so high he was sweating through his pajamas. Even worse, Jack was the most ornery sick kid known to mankind. He was stubborn (a trait y/n claimed he got from his dad) and despite how miserable he felt he didn’t like being coddled or being made to feel like a baby. He fought y/n’s attempts to comfort him and screamed with how achy the fever made him.

She had been sending Hotch updates throughout the day. They had just come off a massive case and he had a boatload of paperwork so huge he couldn’t fathom missing a day, even if it broke his heart to do so. He called Jack during his lunch, and was only met with him being furious that his dad wasn’t home to take care of him. Hotch’s heart equally ached that y/n was alone in the ordeal.

She had carted Jack to the doctor the minute he had thrown up (and he had thrown up all over his bed, to top it off) and had come back with no other instructions than “eh it’s just a stomach bug. Let him ride it out and he’ll be fine.”

He had been forced to work late. It was evening when he drove home. On his drive he received a text. Pulling into the driveway, he glanced at his phone. 

YN: I think he’s getting better. Still hates my guts, but it seems like his fever is on its way out.

He thought walking in blind was a bad idea, so he sent her a text from the garage. 

AH: I just pulled in. Anything in particular you want me to be aware of?

YN: He’s going to be so happy to see you and also probably wants to kill you. Simultaneously. I think he’d kill moving thing right about now. 

AN: Noted.

He walked in the house, setting his things on the counter. Making his way through the living room and up the stairs, he found y/n sitting on the edge of Jack’ bed, with Jack clutching his blankets and looking downright murderous.

“Hey buddy.” Aaron started.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” Jack said, folding his arms and turning away from his dad. 

He cast a glance at y/n, who gave him an exhausted look. Talk him through what he’s feeling, she mouthed.

“Hey Jack. I’m sorry you’re sick. I know you don’t feel good and that’s never fun.” 

Jack shuffled in his bed, folding his arms again with more emphasis, clearly conveying his dissatisfaction.

“And I’m sorry I wasn’t here today. It’s hard being sick at home without your dad here.”

Jack said nothing. Aaron laid his hand on his shoulder and Jack shrugged him off. “Do you want to read a book together? Will that help you feel better?”

Jack shook his head, still keeping quiet. Aaron sighed. 

“Jack,” said y/n gently, “you’ve been asking for your dad all day, he’s here now. Are you sure you don’t want to read a story with him?”

Jack threw his covers over his head and burrowed himself into the couch. 

Y/n met Aaron’s eyes and gave him a sad smile. “I’m sorry. He’ll lighten up as soon as he’s better.”

Aaron nodding, standing to leave. He was at the door when he heard Jack whisper to y/n.

“Kids are supposed to have moms to take care of them when they’re sick.”

Aaron stilled for a moment, but stepped out of the room, lingering just outside of it. Listening.

The pain was evident in y/n’s voice when she replied. “Jack, honey I’m so sorry. I know you miss your mom.”

“I miss my mom a lot,” Jack said. “but I wish I had a mom now. Y/n, why can’t you be my mom?”

“Oh honey, I love you so much, but I can’t.”

Jack wasn’t whispering now. “Why not? Don’t you love my dad? Why can’t you just be my mom then you don’t have to leave?”

Aaron’s breath caught in his throat.

“Jack- I love you and your dad so so much. But I can’t be your mom. You need to sleep sweetheart, that’s what will help you feel better tomorrow.”

“I want to go to sleep by myself.”

“Okay buddy,” she said. “I’ll let you do that. Call for me if you need me, okay.”

Aaron didn’t hear Jack’s reply as he was quickly making his way downstairs, trying to make his way to the couch without y/n figuring out that he had heard everything.

He hadn’t needed to rush, as it was a few minutes before y/n came down the stairs, looking exhausted. She made her way into the living room and wrapped herself in a blanket as she laid down on the couch. Aaron pretended not to notice how glassy her eyes were, as if she were near tears. 

“Hotch, do you… do you think it means something?”

He looked at her, a confused look in his eyes. “What do you mean?” 

He saw her eyes well up with tears as she shook her head. He rushed to her side, kneeling beside the couch. “Hey- hey it’s okay. Does what mean something?”

“I just… I don’t think it was an accident Jack hit me with that frisbee.”

Hotch raised his eyebrows, but said nothing.

“Not that he did it on purpose. It just seems like too big of a coincidence that I found you guys.”

Hotch smiled softly, reaching up to stroke her hair. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch.

“What makes you say that?” He asked, reaching down to wipe her tears from her eyes.

“You’re looking for a nanny and then your son nails one in the head with a frisbee. Seems too perfect.”

He was quiet for a beat. “I guess you could say that. One could say that you’re too perfect.”

She smiled, shaking her head. 

“I mean,” he said, “I did see your name on a street sign in the middle of nowhere. That does seem a little too coincidental.”

She let out a tired laugh. “This is all your fault, you know.”

“How?”

“You’re a scorpio. I always get along great with scorpios.”

It was his turn to laugh. “What does that have to do with anything?”

She sat up, saying nothing, and unwrapped herself from the blanket. She patted the spot next to her on the couch. Against his better judgment, he rose from the ground and joined her on the couch. He draped his arm around the back of the couch, and y/n leaned into his side. 

They sat like that for a while. He didn’t know how long. Somewhere along the way his arm left the back of the couch and found its way around y/n’s shoulders. Her hands, previously twisting in her lap, had ended up wrapped around his waist and her head resting on his chest. 

He knew this about y/n, but once she started crying it was difficult for her to stop. Even if things were just fine and everything was figured out, if tears had been shed they would keep being shed. Weirdly enough, it was one of the things Aaron really liked about her. She had a tender heart that had a hard time turning off. He wished he could relate.

Slow tears continued to roll down her cheeks as they sat together in the silence. 

"I can't really explain why i think this all has to mean something" y/n said quietly after a while, "Maybe I'm thinking too much about it, but i can't seem to not think about you."

he paused before replying, thumb rubbing circles on the arm he still had wrapped around her. "I don't know if I ever told you this, but the first time I met you I had a really good feeling about you. Call it a gut feeling, I guess. I don't trust my gut to make decisions for me very often because things usually end up crazy, but I've never doubted, even for a second that you were meant to be here."

A thick quiet coated the room. Too many things he wished he could do, too many things he wished she would say.

“Hotch?” she eventually said.

He hummed in response. She lifted her head to look at him, tears still in her eyes. “I’m really glad you found me.”

Aaron was sure his heart was about to burst. His mouth opened to form a response when he saw y/n’s eyes drop to his lips. His eyes dropped to hers. 

When his eyes found their way up to hers, they met him with a look he recognized in himself. It was a look of achingly delicate longing, painted clearly on her expression.

Slowly, painfully slowly, he lowered his mouth to hers. He wanted to give her as much time as possible to back off or push him away or tell him off if he was so desperately in love with her he had misread the look on her face. 

She did quite the opposite, tilting her chin upward and meeting him halfway. His hand came up to cup her face as hers found its way to grip his forearm as his lips found hers.

It was different than he thought it would be. When he thought about (and he thought about it often) he had always imagined his first kiss with her would be fast, desperate, or so undeniably passionate that he would immediately lose all control of himself. 

This was infinitely better, he decided. It was soft and slow and tender and achingly sweet. As her lips slanted over his, he found himself turning towards her, guiding her legs over his lap as his arms found his way around her waist. Her hands came up to rest on both sides of his face as she sighed into his mouth. 

Yes, much better. He concluded that this kind of kissing was his favorite. He wasn’t rushed or frantic. They were both exhausted, and had fallen together slowly, comfortably, and he had such a warm, cozy feeling in his chest and in his head and he didn’t know how he had gone this long without kissing her. Hell, he wasn’t sure how he was ever going to stop.

When he did eventually stop, he pulled away gently, y/n’s hands still framing his face. He tightened his arms around her waist, pulling her into a close embrace. Her head found its way into the crook of his neck. 

“I’m even more glad you found us,” He said.

He felt y/n smile as she pressed a chaste kiss to his neck. They sat like that for awhile until he felt her relax against him and her breathing slowed. She had fallen asleep.

Aaron sat up from the couch, y/n still in his arms. He carried her up to the guest room and laid her gently in the bed, pressing a kiss to her cheek as he tucked her in the blankets. 

“Practically perfect in every way. Garcia was right.”

@hotch-meeeeeuppppp

@strangunddurm

@realdirectionx

[omaiiee]

batch number 3 of my portrait redraws of the bachelors :) honestly at this point i love them all. it's obvious who my absolute favs are but i'm a fan of everybody!!

the next batch will ofc feature the remaining charas i haven't drawn yet - shane, haley and maru !!

batch 2 here with penny, harvey and alex!

batch 1 here with abigail, sam and sebastian!

[seeyoumondaydevi]

Could you elaborate on why you didn't enjoy season 3 as much as the previous seasons?

Sure :) Few things I wanna say before I get into it. 1) I'm not an articulate person at all. I suck at wording my thoughts well. 2) I'm not saying I didn't enjoy season 3, I'm just saying Season 1 was the show's best in my opinion. 3) No I'm not saying I didn't enjoy season 3 bc of daxton.. if it was all about daxton I wouldn't be saying season 1 was the show's best season 4) I'll be using certain lines from other metas bc they've worded it really well and I'll link it to the original post as well.

I liked season 3 for personal growth. Nalini and Devi's relationship season was amazing this season, especially in episode 9, "How dare you come into my house and talk about my daughter this way" . I really enjoyed Trent and Eleanor as well and Paxton's character... I was so scared going into season 3 that they'd ruin his character for the love triangle drama but they didn't and he thrived outside the love triangle this season.

Now.. onto the things I didn't enjoy/like. Too many new characters who were used as plot devices to move the plot forward. There were so many new characters this season and they all were thrown in for an episode or two and they just disappeared after a couple of episodes. The Lady Whistle boy, anonymous texter / Haley just disappeared after daxton broke up. I didn't like how the anonymous texter was a random new character we've never seen before. There were so many new plots every single episode which didn't excite me. It felt like it was all over the place. Story lines were being raised and then just dropped. It kinda reminded me of disney shows haha (no hate). They kept adding love interests (Margot and Des) to trouble the already existing love triangle which they spent two whole seasons working on only to constantly rival the established relationships (Benvi and Daxton) instead of letting them develop. Fabiola and Aneesa were cute, Aneesa's character had so much potential but they just threw her out. Fabiola went with a randomly added new love interest (Addison) who was in two scenes.. two scenes only. One of the reasons trent and Eleanor are so fun to watch imo is that they're characters who've been there since the beginning. I know realistically people will date people outside of their friend group but this is a show... I wanted to see the characters I already knew. 

Kamala, she didn’t want to get married in s2 because she wanted to focus on her career etc. She also left Prashanth because she felt like he wouldn’t be supportive of her career but her whole plot in s3 revolved around her boyfriend. Like I get it, this season she stood up against Nirmala and moved out etc but idk it just felt incomplete(?). 

Two episodes frustrated me a lot this season. 3x05 and 3x10. 3x05 : Instead of this random thing in school where Devi had to ‘kiss some boy to activate her romantic vibes’ or some shit. Instead of that they could have just focused on Devi working on herself that episode. Paxton made a very valid point about Devi not loving herself. We could have had a scene with her therapist talking about why she thinks she doesn’t “deserve” to be in a relationship with someone.

3x10: The finale.. Devi gets an offer to go to some school in Colorado.. was this ever mentioned in the previous seasons? The build up just wasn’t there. If they had at least mentioned in in the start of the season that would have been fine. The Colorado school was again another plot device to give us some emotional scenes between Nalini and Devi. I did love the scene but the number of plot devices just frustrated me a lot. Instead of giving actual issues like they did in season 1 they only used plot devices this season. I just felt like they had a lot of lazy - poor writing. 

I’ve not completely covered why I didn’t like this season as much as the previous ones and I don’t think I’ve worded it well so yeah.. Thanks for the ask :)

[boldlyvoid]

New Romantics | Part Three

18+

Summary: She needs help studying for her Case Exercises at the Academy, He needs a date for the annual Banquet... they just so happen to be neighbours who aren't afraid to lend a helping hand, or in this case, a helping kiss.

Categories: Fake dating, neighbours, strangers to lovers, mutual pining, Angst with a happy ending, Smut *as selected by my poll on what you wanted to read*

Warnings: Season 9 Spencer (no Maeve arc), Angst, kissing, drinking, police training mentions, case details, canon typical violence, self-doubt, autistic!spencer, age gaps (24/33), FWB relationships, period mentions, anxiety attacks, crying, misunderstandings,

Word Count: 4.7K

a/n: this chapter covers the whole week from Monday to Friday, thank you @awrfhi for making the gif I used here <3

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five

Monday morning she’s in his arms still, and then again on Tuesday; he basically lives with her when he’s not on a case. They make dinner together at night and they drive in together every morning, and they have had sex all over her apartment… and he loves her but he was tired when he said it and in a post-orgasm haze and he’s her best friend.

But he loved her— just not the way she loved him. She was sure of it.

Tuesday morning at 10:53 am, she cracks her fake case. They’re apprehending the unsub by Noon and then she has the rest of the week off. So she heads to the main Quantico building, she gets a visitor's pass and she takes the elevator all the way up to the BAU.

She walks through the bullpen doors and Spencer is sitting at his little desk with his head buried in a book. Penelope sees her first, wrapping her up in a hug that gets everyone’s attention as she rocks her back and forth while telling her how much she likes her.

“You are so pretty, and nice and cute, and your hair smells so good?”

“Thank you, it’s Spencer's shampoo,” she laughs as she holds her back, “I just wanted to come and see him really quick?”

He’s standing beside her and she doesn’t even know until Penelope releases her from her grasp. He wraps her up next, “why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

She kisses him right on the mouth, holding his face in her hands she has missed him too much to wait till they are alone again, “I caught the unsub.”

“No way?”

She nods feverishly, “yeah remember I found that stray hair on the crime scene? Everyone was fighting over why there wasn’t a sexual aspect and I was trying to convince them she was a women unsub when the hair came back matching our victims best friend, who also knew victim number 1.”

He’s so happy, his smile is the biggest any of his teammates have ever seen, he lifts her and twirls her around and no one can believe the sight. Spencer Reid the uptight, overly smart, always following proper procedure, Doctor at the FBI; was spinning his girlfriend around as he kissed her cheek.

“You are a genius,” he compliments her as he sets her back down and places another kiss on her lips.

“I know,” she laughs, “I beat your score by one day.”

“I hate you,” he kisses her again and by now they don’t realize they have an audience. It’s incredibly convincing to everyone except each other.

“No, you love me,” she whispers, kissing him again before they hear someone clear their throat.

“Do you want to help with ours?” Derek asks, jumping into the moment and reminding them that they’re in public. “We’re just doing non-urgent consults today.”

“Am I allowed?” She lights up.

Derek nods, “I don’t see why not, as long as you just tell your ideas to us and don’t file anything then I think it’s legal?”

So she helps and it’s the most exhilarating thing since having sex with Spencer. She’s in her element, looking at small details and making connections that even leave Spencer humming and ha-ing. She has a younger insight than the rest of the team, she’s exactly why they hired Spencer in the first place and now she was shining brighter than him.

But he loved it.

Every time she made a connection or she had a suggestion that helped one of them on their own train of thought, Spencer would smile at her like she hung the stars in the night sky. He was proud of her in a way she hasn’t seen in many people before, filling her heart with warmth and hope that maybe he can love her for real one day.

—

She was possibly the love of his life and the more he saw her work and the more he knew her mind; the more he fell. She walked around his office and talked to his friends as if she was always meant to be there, and a part of him really wanted her to be.

He snuck away to go talk to Hotch, closing his office door as he sat down, “what’s wrong?”

“Y/N isn’t really my girlfriend,” he whispers. “She’s pretending so I could get everyone to stop bothering me about dating, and I understand it looks like she’s using me to get close to the team but I really do think she would be an excellent asset to the unit even if she was just in the office—“

“Reid,” Hotch cuts him off and a smile builds. “I already sent her an offer to take Anderson's job while he’s out on paternity leave.”

“Oh,” he smiles to himself. “Pretend I never said anything.”

“It stays in these 4 walls, don’t worry,” Hotch smiles back, “but you should tell her.”

“Tell her what?”

“That you’re in love with her.”

“I’m not,” he lies, “really, I do love her but I’m not in love with her, there is a difference.”

“I know,” Hotch reminds him. “Did you know that I only joined the school musical to get close to Haley? I did whatever I could to get her to fall in love with me and didn’t even realize it when she did because I was so worried she didn’t.”

“Oh.”

Hotch nods with another smile, “you don’t have to tell her until you’re ready, obviously, but you should tell her before it’s too late.”

“I will,” he whispers. “Thanks, Aaron.”

“Why don’t you guys head out early?” He offers, “we could all use a day off with the people we love.”

When he walks back down from Aaron's office, Y/N is with Emily and JJ discussing how she caught her fake unsub at school that morning. She doesn’t brag, she loves to mention her classmates by name and verbatim explains how they helped her. She is a team player, a genius, beautiful, kind… she really is the love of his life.

“Hey,” he places his hand on her lower back as he slides into the conversation. “Hotch said we can all leave early if we wanted?”

“Sure,” she smiles, “actually, did you want to come with me to buy a dress for your thing?”

“That would be fun,” he agrees, wrapping his other arm around her so he can rest his chin on her shoulder and hold her. “Remember I’m buying it so don’t stress about the price.”

“You’re too nice to me,” she replies.

“I just love you,” his voice is as low as he can make it but everyone still hears.

She holds him back tighter, in a silent ‘I love you, too’ and they hear JJ and Emily swoon.

They’re quick to get their things and head out, she hands Spencer her keys and lets him drive to the mall so she can relax, she’s done a lot today.

She’s so quiet on the drive, she holds his hand like she always does and she just looks out the window, she’s peaceful and content with the nothingness of spending alone time with Spencer. They were always just quiet together, sometimes they laughed till they cried and sometimes he could make her scream but most of the time they were quiet.

“Have you checked your email?”

She smiles as she turns to him and her grip on his hand tightened, “what did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything, I just told hotch the truth so that he could offer you a job, but he already had before I went in there but he’s a good secret keeper, believe me.”

“Oh,” her smile disappears. “So he knows we’re not really dating?”

He nods, “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, I guess we’re going to have to find a convincing way to break up for them and still be able to hang out all the time,” she worries aloud. “Because I don’t want to stop this any time soon, I hope you know that. I really like spending time with you.”

“I feel the same way,” he agrees. “I promise, we can just tell them we work better as friends and they might believe us?”

“I don’t think they will,” she frowns again. “JJ told me not to break your heart today, but I feel like if we break up I’m going to break all of theirs.”

“We could have a fake ugly breakup, and not talk to each other publicly for a bit and then be friends again?” He suggests, “Penelope and Kevin did that.”

She nods, still frowning. She interlocks their fingers this time and she holds his hand instead of just anxiously fiddling with his fingers. She really doesn’t want to let go, and he’s almost convinced she feels the same way.

The banquet is on Saturday, she has one last week of school before her graduation and then they’re done. He thinks about asking her, about what would be the best time to tell her he was in love with her and ask her to be his real girlfriend.

Maybe he’ll do it after the banquet? Maybe he’ll do it after her graduation? He just really wants to do it before she meets his mom. He wants his mom to meet her as the love of his life and his best friend.

He hated many things, but as he kept glancing at her as he drove he realized he hated one thing most of all. He hated that he couldn’t love her as much as she deserved, at least not yet. He wanted to shower her in love, he wanted to protect her and care for her, he wanted to show her off and make love to her and never leave her side.

It hurts, his heart physically aches as he thinks about that. If he had to feel like this to know his love was real, then the pain was worth it. She was always worth it, and he would hurt as long as possible, forever even, if it meant he could be around her just as long.

He held her hand tighter in the silence which made her turn to him, he had no idea he had been crying until she leans over and wipes his cheeks, “I love you, you know that?”

“I love you too,” he smiles but he can’t keep the conversation there, he’s feeling trapped and so he changes the topic. “What colour dress were you thinking?”

The quick-change makes her laugh, “probably black.”

“Are you sure?”

She nods, “I don’t need to stand out beside you any more than I already do.”

“What does that mean?”

She bits her lip, “some of the people in my class are saying that I’m only doing so well because you’re helping me cheat and that I’m just fucking you to get a job… just like I thought they would.”

“At the end of the day, we have a friendship they will never understand, we have great sex because we want to, you’re smarter than me, and the BAU wants you… so who is the real winner?” He’s always going to be her number one cheerleader.

“You’re right,” she smiles again finally, “as always.”

—

He convinces her to get a red dress.

She hasn’t had a pretty dress like this one since her prom and that was 6 years ago. She hasn’t been to a party or mingled with people in just as long, she didn’t realize how lonely she had been while chasing her dreams until Spencer came along.

He was one of the dreams. She saw him talk once, years ago on a school trip, and she fell in love with him a little, even back then. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to be him or be with him back then, doing everything in her power to get into the criminal psych degree at her local college, she just wanted to be like him.

Now she’s liked by him.

Every night he goes to his home across the hall and he does his own nightly routine before coming back to her apartment for the night. She’s too emotional to sleep with him today, she knows that if she has sex with him she’s going to say something stupid or cry after because being this close to him without being honest with him is killing her.

Something in him has changed too, he’s less scared to initiate contact, he doesn’t jump anymore when she hugs him or when she smacks his bum as she passes him. Now he’s wrapping his arms around her while she cooks dinner, and he kisses her cheek randomly when they’re in public.

He tells her that he loves her.

She’s confused and she has no one to talk to about it.

She lays back against her pillows and closes her eyes, she knows she’s going to cry soon, and she doesn’t know what to do because she doesn’t want to cry in front of him and he would be upset if she told him to not come back tonight.

The stress of the situation just makes her cry more as she stresses herself into another anxiety attack, much like the first night she talked to him. She just lets it happen, the anxiety in her stomach builds and the tears slip past her eyes and suddenly she’s sobbing into her pillow hard enough that she doesn’t hear him come back.

She jumps at the feeling of his hand on her back as he sits on the edge of the bed, “what’s wrong?”

She just sits up and hugs him, and he hugs her back and they stay there like that for a while. When she calms down, she pulls back from him and wipes her eyes, “my period is coming.” She’s not really lying, and he believes her.

“Does it normally make you this emotional?”

He’s never really experienced her mood swings, he has no idea what he’s in for, she nods. “Yeah, and I have really bad anxiety which just gets worse around this time.”

“And you’re not on anything?”

She shakes her head, “I’m waiting to get onto the good healthcare when I get a job with the bureau, I can’t afford to work and go to school, I’m glad I had enough scholarship money left to rent this place long enough to go to the academy.”

“Oh.”

She just nods, “I’ve never had much money like my parents have been saving for 2 years to buy plane tickets to Virginia so that they can see me graduate. They started saving before I even got in. I went to community college on a scholarship and I get a lot of money from applying for bursaries.”

“Are you going to take the CARD job or the BAU offer?”

She shrugs, “I’m not sure yet, but probably CARD.”

“Why?”

“I can’t work with you,” she whispers. “It makes me feel like I don’t deserve to be there like I’m using you and that all my work isn’t that great. I’m just Doctor Spencer Reids girlfriend.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, imposter syndrome is a leading factor in depression among child prodigies, once you reach a certain age and you stop receiving awards for your work, it’s hard to believe that you’re still doing a good job.”

She knows he gets it, he has probably said the same fact to himself to calm down before. “Thank you.”

“Do you want me to stay?”

She nods, pulling back the covers and moving over so he can snuggle in beside her. She holds him, resting her head on his chest and taking a deep inhale of his cologne, this was the love of her life and if this was as close as she was ever going to be to him, she was going to take it.

He kisses the top of her head and holds her in his arms at just the right pressure to calm her down. She feels so comfortable with him but she still feels like shit, she doesn’t stop crying, and he just holds her through it.

“Do you want to tell me what’s really wrong?” He whispers after a while, he sounds worried.

“No,” she whispers. “I can’t.”

“Is it about me?”

“Yeah,” she cries again, “and I don’t have any other friends to talk to about us and now you’ve told hotch and I have no one to talk to about how this is kinda stressing me out.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” his voice is still scared and she knows he’s going to panic regardless and just send them around in a circle of constant anxiety. But his tone is more apologetic than one fuck up.

“Who else did you tell?” She sits up, “I thought this was just between us?”

“I needed advice, the same reason you are reacting right now, you’re stressing me out,” Spencer finally talks back with passion and she knows they’re about to fight for no reason.

“I never said you were stressing me out. I said our situation was, but I think I need to sleep alone now, Spencer” she’s confident and stern even though she’s crying.

“We can’t go to bed mad at each other. You even said the mornings are the worst, we can’t hate each other for no reason tomorrow,” he starts to cry, not knowing where he went wrong and she can see it on his face.

“I just don’t have what you have, and I’ve always been trying to copy you…”

“What?”

She sighs and wipes her tears, “I have had a big fat, fan-girly, crush on you since I was 18, I came here with my class to watch you do a talk on philias and phobias and then I knew I wanted to get into the academy and I wanted to beat your record and join the BAU, and I just thought; one day I’m going to be friends with this guy and catch bad guys with him and now I am and I’m so alone.”

“You have me?”

“I know,” she tries to smile, “but I only have you and I can tell you almost everything. Like my biggest stressor right now is that if just looking at fake crime scenes for 3 weeks has made me this anxious; what if I’m not cut out for this? What if I get to a real crime scene and I pass out or—“

“That’s only human,” he presses his lips together, awkwardly, and very Spencerly. “If you didn’t feel like this job makes you hate the world and untrusting of everyone around you; then I would think you’re crazy.”

“How do you do it?”

“I open up and let people in, but I typically wait till I’m at my lowest; crying in my friend's arms because I don’t know what to do anymore,” he smiles again, wider and toothy as she smiles back.

“Thank you,” she can’t help but tilt her head and smile as her heart settles and her brain calms down a bit, “I love you.”

“Can I kiss you or is that too much right now?”

She gets in closer to him, laying back down on the pillow and looking at him. They’re closer enough to kiss, and she just takes a moment to look at him, resting her hand on his cheek as he wraps around her waist and pulls her in closer.

“We’re okay?” He asks with his lips right against her, his breath is hot and he smells like toothpaste.

“We’re okay, but no more talking tonight, okay?” She whispers.

He nods, leaning in and kissing her finally. She knows she shouldn’t be kissing him, she knows that she should be mad at herself, but she also knew that even just pretending that he loved her back was good enough.

—

He gets called away to a case on Wednesday morning, he’s too busy to really call her and he doesn’t text back. He feels bad about it but he knows she wanted space to think anyway, what he didn’t expect was for her to reach out to Penelope.

She’s in the office with her on Friday, tired of Spencer ignoring her so she went to the one place he couldn’t avoid her; Penelope’s office.

“How can I help you today, my fine furry friends?” Y/N answers the phone with a smirk, copying Penelope’s line perfectly, they can hear them high five through the line.

“Y/N?” Spencer is the first to catch it, “what are you doing there?”

“I came to meet Anderson and see if I’d like to take his job or not,” she teases, pretending she wasn’t there just to bother him.

Hotch cuts in, asking the question he needed to ask before hanging up, “not sure what’s going on at home but we’re too close to cracking this case for schoolyard games.”

“Yes sir,” he nods and looks away, retreating to the other side of the room to stare at the map and pretend to find connections.

“Crack this and you can go home to her,” Derek whispers with a smile, thinking he’s helping the situation.

“That’s not where I want to be right now.”

“Woah,” Derek catches it, “what happened?”

“Nothing,” he’s quick to get him to stop it but he really wants advice, “she’s stressed out and she took it out on me and I wasn’t very nice back.”

“You said sorry and you pretended you were over it, didn’t you?”

He turns away from Derek with a nod, he wants to come out with it and get it over with and he’s so mad and embarrassed he just starts to cry a little, “I don’t want to lose her.”

“How could you?”

“You have no idea,” he rolls his eyes lightly and scoffs, confusing Derek.

“And I won't unless you want to talk to someone about what’s really bothering you, but you’ve been happier since you met her and I like seeing you happy, and Savannah likes double dates,” he scolds him with a smile, patting his shoulder lightly. “now let's crack this and maybe on the plane you will tell me what’s up?”

“Sure,” he says, but he doesn’t want to.

However, Derek Morgan is good at a lot of things, and one of those things is getting Spencer to calm down enough to tell him anything. Everyone is asleep on the plane, it’s just the two of them at the back together when Spencer finally feels confident enough to say it.

“I lied to you, a long time ago… and it’s just the first one.”

Derek doesn’t look angry, “okay, explain your thought process. I need to know how this pretty brain of yours works.”

He smiles a bit, “I slept with Elle the night before she shot that rapist in Ohio.”

“You did not?” Derek's voice gets a little too loud and they stop to make sure no one woke up.

“I did, but you still always made jokes about finally getting me some lovin’ and it bothered me for a while and I never told you, instead I offered to help my neighbour with her homework if she pretended to date me,” his voice lowers as the words continue and he only stares at the table between them.

“Spencer, I’m sorry,” Derek apologizes first. “I didn’t know I was upsetting you, is there anything else I do that upsets you?”

He shakes his head in a silent no, still not looking at him, he can't.

“What happened between you and Y/N?” He jumps to the main issue, fine with what happened because he feels bad for causing the issue in the first place.

“We started sleeping together.”

Derek sighs, “you have such a big brain, you can remember everything she’s ever said to you and yet you can’t see that she’s in love with you.”

“She’s good at pretending,” he pushes it away.

“No she’s not, because she’s pretending she doesn’t love you right now; the same way you are and you’re both fucking it up for each other,” Derek gives it to him straight. “You have always been loveable, but you have a very hard time accepting it, Spencer.”

“Yeah,” he starts to cry a little more.

“Go home and talk to her and tell her the truth,” it’s the best advice he can give and Spencer knows it. “What’s the worst that can go wrong?”

“She does love me back but in a few years, she realizes I’m too much and she leaves me,” his voice is the saddest Derek has ever heard it.

He gets up from his seat and hugs Spencer, sliding into the seat beside him and wrapping his arms around him, “you have never been too much. You just surround yourself with people who aren’t good enough to love you for who you are.”

“She’s better than me.”

“Which is exactly what I mean, she’s not going to leave you, believe me, once you love Spencer Reid for who he really is, it’s hard to stop,” he speaks from experience, thinking of what could have been between them if either of them had tried harder in the past.

“She’s the love of my life,” he confirms, “I’m never going to love anyone else the way I love her.”

They get the word that they’re going to be landing soon, Spencer wipes his tears and buckles in for the descent, avoiding everyone’s stares and questions on the ride back to headquarters. He’s nervous to see her, he knows his face is puffy and she’ll be there waiting for him with Penelope, but he has to do it.

“Would you wait here, I need to tell her now and she might not give me a ride home if it doesn’t go well,” he asks Derek before heading to Penelope, “she was already mad at me for telling Hotch the truth.”

“Okay, sure,” Derek smiles, reaching out a hand for Spencer, “come to me when you need me next time, okay?”

“Okay,” he agrees with a small smile, heading out to find his fake girlfriend.

She’s not with Penelope, no she’s in the filing room with Anderson and the other temps all talking and laughing, and it sounds far too interesting to interrupt. He waits outside the door and smiles at her laughter until he hears it.

“So be honest,” Agent Camden asks, “are you sleeping with Reid for this job?”

“If I was sleeping my way to the top, don’t you think I would have picked Morgan? Or Prentiss even?” She laughs and it’s like someone stabs a knife through his heart.

He turns around and heads back to Derek, “take me home.”

“Okay,” he doesn’t pry, he just grabs his coat and keys and follows Spencer to the garage.

—

He’s really ignoring her.

She finds out from Emily that Spencer left with Derek, and that he looked rather pissed off when he asked for a ride. It breaks her heart a little and she doesn’t know what to do next, she just drives home and finds herself knocking on his door.

“Let me in, please, Spencer!” She begs from behind his door.

He opens it and looks at her with a puffy red face, tear-stained cheeks and swollen lips, he’s been crying for a while. “What?”

“What did I do?”

“You slept with me,” he whispers, “and I told you I wouldn’t react well.”

“Is it my fault you’re crying?” She asks softly and he nods, “do you want to tell me?”

He closes his eyes and shakes his head, “are we still going to the banquet together tomorrow?”

“I really fucked up,” is all he can muster, crying again as he closes the door and goes to cry in his room.

She just opens the door again and follows him inside. Kicking off her shoes she crawls into bed beside him and wraps herself around him, “you don’t have to tell me but I am here for you, always.”

“I love you,” he says it like it’s the problem before he rests his head in the crook of her neck and holds her back for the first time in days.

“I love you, too, Spencer,” she cries along with him. They cry until he’s asleep and she’s just there holding him in her jeans and she’s really uncomfortable but she loves him too much to let go.

“More than you will ever know.”

Permanent tag list:

@g0lden-cth @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @ssavanessa22 @spookyspence @shemarmooresfedora @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @blanchardsbk @idonotexiste @measure-in-pain @dreams-in-blxck @doc-padfoot @nomajdetective @xoxomgg @mggswhorificlover @dinonuggets1967 @meganskane @gubeskneescrew

New Romantics tag list:

@bunny-script @ficsrecsforhrnybitches @ne--yo-pets @rexorangecouny @valerieweasley @beepbooptoop @coldlilheart @andiebeaword @anonymous-reading

[laurensprentiss]

Jouska [Hotch x Reader]

Chapter 19:

A/N: Here it is besties, v sorry for this but I live to cause chaos!! They both have some growing and living to do over the next chapters which will span around ten years. Stick around it’s gonna be interesting! Also Hotch looks rlly good here hehe

Warnings: None, really. Swearing, mentions of pregnancy, heavy angst.

———

“I'm scared I'm going to spend the rest of my life in a state of yearning, regardless of where I am.” - Melina Marchetta

———

08:00

It happens slowly then all at once. He knows he feels lighter, physically, before he’s fully conscious - can’t feel the warm weight of you on top of him. He frowns as he slowly awakens fully, feeling for your body next to him.

When all he feels are sheets, he comes to, a little quicker, opening one eye to look around. When he doesn’t see you, he figures you left to go to the bathroom but a piece of paper on your pillow catches his eye.

He frowns as he sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes when the doorbell begins to ring incessantly. He looks between the door, the paper and then the door again, tucking the note underneath his pillow to come back to later. He takes a cursory look at the clock -

08:00

He runs downstairs with a grin, thinking maybe you went out to grab coffee and forgot you didn’t have a key, but when he opens the door, icy shock runs through his veins.

“Hi, Aaron.”

“Haley?” He replies stunned. He glances behind him, increasingly alarmed now as to your whereabouts.

She averts her gaze from Hotch’s half naked form, it’s nothing she hasn't seen before but there’s a barrier between them now. Even with what she’s about to tell him.

“Can we talk?”

“-This…. isn’t really a good time.” He replies, glancing behind him again. He uses his body to block what lies behind him, clothing littering the floor as evidence of last night. His cheeks run hot when he realises Haley already spotted it all.

“We need to talk. I wouldn’t have shown up like this, but she told me to come by at 8. Said I should talk to you.”

He frowns. “Who?” He asks, despite hazarding a very good guess he already knows the answer.

“Look, can I just come in? I'm really cold and this is incredibly awkward.”

He sighs, “Yeah- yeah come in.” He steps aside to let her in, picks his shirt up off the floor and begins to button it as he invites her to sit.

Haley tells him that she managed to track you down outside your apartment yesterday. His jaw ticks and he runs his thumb over his bottom lip, agitated. “Why would you do that?”

“I figured I owed her an apology. Ultimately I was the one who put her in danger with-” She licks her lips. “With him. I thought we should talk.”

“So you resorted to stalking?” He paces. He can’t figure out why you’d ask her to come by now, especially if you were going to spend the night last night.

“I know, I’m sorry.” She looks sick. “I kind of knew that you felt something for her, and I figured she probably did too. Clearly I was right.”

“I’m not doing this with you.”

She throws her hands up. “No! No, that's not what I meant. I need to tell you something but before I did, I needed to tell her, I owed her some courtesy after everything at least.”

He tilts his head and his eyes narrow. “Get to the point.”

She pulls out an envelope and slides it across the coffee table. She breathes shakily, nodding at it. “It’s all in there.”

He watches her quizzically, confused at her demeanour - she’s never been one to be at a loss for words. He takes a seat opposite, studying her as he peels open the envelope.

A sliver of cold panic works its way through his veins as he scans the page.

LABCORP DNA TESTING SERVICES

Sample 1 - BROOKS/HOTCHNER : Positive Match

Sample 2 - BROOKS/HOTCHNER : Positive Match

“What the hell is this?” He asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

She swallows thickly, abetting her gaze. “It’s a paternity test. I’m pregnant.” She tells him quietly.

His chest tightens and his head starts swimming. “What? I don’t believe you.”

“It’s right there on the paper. It’s yours.” She looks like she’s holding back vomit, the colour on her face drained. She studies Aaron for any kind of a reaction but he still looks confused.

“I want another one.” He tells her waving the paper. “How far along are you?”

“3 and a half months.”

“Wait,” He winces as the cold realisation hits him. “You told her?”

She nods.

The colour drains from his face and he shoots up from his seat, remembering everything he’d told you yesterday about how he would do things differently if he ever became a father. Knowing now what you knew then, he can’t begin to fathom what must have been going through your mind yesterday.

He shoots up the stairs three at a time, hoping he’s not too late.

———

06:00

Your eyes burn with the lack of sleep and the aftermath of your breakdown. You lay still against Aaron’s chest, your hand splayed flat against his skin. You’ve been watching him sleep for most of the night, memorising all you can about him, and imagining an alternate future where you could’ve ended up together.

But it doesn’t help. All it goes is drive a stake deeper into your heart because no matter how much you imagine, it doesn’t change your future. The sun begins to rise sure enough, a promise of another day but the lighter it gets, the more your stomach turns and the tighter your chest gets.

You pull Aaron in closer one more time, fusing your body to his and you close your eyes. His hands run down your bag gently as he stirs in his sleep. You take a minute to take him in one last time, despite your aching heart you try to hold onto the happiness you’d felt before it all came crashing down.

You doubt you’ll feel for anyone the way you feel for him. But you can’t be selfish, not now. You whisper to him, barely audible, the words you need to get off your chest and with a gentle kiss to his sleeping face, you slink out of his arms.

You gather your clothes, and from the credenza drawer downstairs, grab a pen and paper.

‘Dearest Aaron…’

Tears stain your face as you initial the bottom of the letter and with a final breath, you fold it and scrawl his initials on top. You reluctantly walk back upstairs and when you see Aaron’s peaceful face in a deep sleep, it takes everything in you to walk away. You place the note on your pillow, and turn away before you change your mind.

But as you approach the door, you turn to take one last look at him, willing your memory to hold on to this image, to the feel of him. To what it feels like to be loved by him.

“Goodbye Aaron.” You whisper.

———

08:30hrs:

He struggles to get his pants on, throwing on odd socks and grabbing the note on the pillow which he stuffs haphazardly into his three day old jacket. He runs down the stairs three at a time, passing Haley on the way as he grabs his keys.

She looks at him with panic and confusion. “Go back to the hotel, I’ll call you!” He tells her. She looks around, stunned as the door slams shut behind him.

He fumbles with his phone, dialling your number, but it goes straight to voicemail. He tries Emily but it goes to voicemail too. He dials the direct line to your assistant and on the last ring, she picks up.

“Agent Hotchner?”

“Leah?”

“Yeah? Is everything okay?”

He desperately asks if she has any idea of where you are today, if you have anything on your docket.

“Not that I can see, no. Is everything okay?”

“Look, can you find out if she’s home and call me?” He hangs up and purposely turns on the sirens to weave through traffic to your place. In a cruel twist of fate, he curses the numerous traffic logs he encounters on his way, thinking he’ll deal with the fallout of using his lights without reason later.

He finally turns onto your street, tires screeching as he pulls up behind a blacked out towncar, into which an older gentleman appears to be hauling suitcases. He doesn’t bother closing the door as he exits his SUV, his eyes trailing on the suitcases being piled into the trunk of the towncar when he hears your voice.

He stops in his tracks.

“Alright, James. I think that’s the last of the b-”

The air leaves your lungs when you catch sight of him. There’s a brief moment when you think you think you’re imagining him but your chest squeezes when you look at his face, halfway between confused, devastated and just plain betrayed.

He utters your name with a shaky whisper. “What is this? What’s going on?” He asks unsteady, already knowing the answer.

You hand your bags to James who ducks between you to receive them, the tension thick and heavy. “I’m sorry, I planned on…” You struggle for the words. “Being done earlier than this. This is what I wanted to avoid.”

He retreats, eyebrows shooting up. “This, what? You wanted to avoid saying goodbye to me? You couldn’t even extend me the grace of telling me you were leaving?” He pulls out your note from his pocket, shaking it in front of you. “You left this and thought it would be enough? After everything that happened with us.”

“Come on, Aaron. You know that’s not what I meant. But you know why I’m leaving, it’s why you’re here. And I knew you would do this, I knew you’d try and talk me out of going. That’s why I didn’t tell you.” You swallow the lump in your throat.

The desperation inside him starts to claw at him. “You don’t have to leave. We’re adults, we can figure this out.” He takes both of your hands tightly in his.

You shake your head. “I won’t put you in that position, I know how important this is to you. I won’t put myself in that position either.” He opens his mouth to oppose you but he knows as well as you do that this is the end. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this but this was easier when I had a stalker, all I had to worry about was making it through the day without being murdered. But things are real now, you have a career and a family to worry about, I have to go to college. I guess we just didn’t think this through.”

He retreats slightly, a hurt expression on his face. “That doesn’t mean it was wrong.” He says, quietly. “I told you I’d wanted to be with you for a long time, and I meant it. I don’t regret any of it.”

You cup his cheek. “Neither do I. But we both know what needs to happen. I can’t stay.”

He caresses your hand on his cheek with bereft eyes. “You changed me, you know?”

You laugh dryly. “With your gig at the BAU? Forget it, you’ll be saving people left and right.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” His voice cracks. “I’m just sorry we couldn’t have more time. I think this could have been something.”

“Did you read the note?” He shakes his head. “Wait until I’m gone to read it - you don’t have to. But if you ever find yourself doubting or second-guessing who you were to me - who you are to me? You should read that. It has everything you’ll need to know.”

He brings his forehead to yours, glassy eyes watching you with so much affection you think you might just break. “Can we stay here? Just for a minute? I’m not ready to let you go yet.” He asks.

You nod and loop your arms around his neck, tiptoeing to reach his height. He hugs you back with ferocity, face burying in the crook of your neck as he takes you in, memorises the way you body slots against his, how you smell and feel. He presses his eyes shut, willing his brain to commit every last feeling to memory, terrified that there may come a day when he no longer remembers how he loves you.

You muffle your sobs as best as you can, clutching at the material of his shirt, and the small tufts of hair at the nape of his neck. Try as you might, when you close your eyes, all you can see is a reel of your relationship with Aaron, spanning from the moment you met to now.

All of it comes rushing back: the gazebo, your apartment, numerous late night coffees and dinners, his face in the cabin, the hospital and of course, the nights and days you spent in bed. The pond, the balcony, the laughter. The love. You feel a hole consuming your chest and you struggle to breathe, cursing yourself for falling in love with the one man you couldn’t possibly ever have.

James beeps from inside the towncar, and you reluctantly loosen your grip on Aaron, sniffling as you let him go. It feels infinitely harder to detangle yourself from him now, like tearing a bandage off of a raw wound, but you know you need to go.

And so does he.

His eyes are watery when you look at him, yours mirroring his heartbreak. “I guess this is it.” He rasps.

You clear your throat. “Yeah. I guess so.”

“Can I kiss you goodbye?”

You nod solemnly. His hands cup your cheeks lovingly, wiping away a stray tear. He leans in, and presses his lips to yours for the last time. He takes his time, allowing himself to linger in the moment, and convey everything he can in this kiss without having to say it. Wants to remember how soft your lips are and the way you taste.

Your tears fall steadily now, your own hands tangling in his hair. You selfishly wish you could stay here, throw away any and all integrity just to keep him for yourself. But you both have things to do, futures to live.

You break the kiss, forehead resting against his. His hand cradles the back of your head, and he presses a tender kiss to your forehead, lips lingering before he finally lets go.

You fish in your pocket and take his hand in yours, dropping your key into his palm. He looks at you quizzically. “Keep it, give it to the super, I don’t mind. But lock up for me?” You ask him.

He nods, closing his hand around yours, a desperate attempt to keep you close for a few more fleeting moments. He presses a desperate kiss laced with finality on your lips as you release yourself from his embrace.

Watching you reach for the car door sends him into a tailspin. You’re just about in the car when you hear him call your name. His voice is strained. “Listen, I just- before you go. There’s something I need to tell you.” His face is contorted with desperation and his voice laced with something utterly heartbroken.

You know where he’s going with this. You weren’t sure if he felt it until now, horrible fucking timing, but it’s still something.

“Don’t. I know what you’re going to say, Aaron. Please don’t.” You sob. “This is already one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, please don’t make it harder. I know what you’re going to say. But before you do… just please don’t?” You plead.

He swallows thickly, choking back tears, too. “I do, though.”

You breathe through the hole in your chest. “I know, Aaron. I do, too.” Your smile is bitter as you open the car door and step inside gingerly, keeping your eyes on the sidewalk where he stands. He walks over to you, tangles your fingers with his briefly before cradling your chin, wiping another stray tear.

“Maybe in another life?” He whispers.

“Maybe in another life.” You tell him with a sad smile.

“Goodbye, sweetheart.”

I love you.

“Goodbye, Aaron.”

I love you.

He watches the car peel away longingly, muttering aloud the words that he’d whispered two nights ago when he thought you were asleep.

“I love you.”

———

09:15

Your car pulls up to the airstrip forty-five minutes later and you can hear the deafening engine of the plane before you even step out of the car. You place a $50 in the hand of the man who opens your door for you, throwing a quick thank you his way as you obscure your puffy eyes with a pair of sunglasses.

You offer the men loading your luggage a small smile and hand them their tips, before boarding the plane. You spot Emily on the far left side of the plane, her face buried in a copy of Mother Night.

When she sees you, she shoots up from her seat, throwing her book onto the table in front of her. “Oh my God! You came! Hi!” Her good arm wraps around your neck for a hug and you stiffen against her. “What made you change your mind?” She asks.

You close your mouth just as soon as you open it when the curtain dividers open.

“Darling!” Ambassador Prentiss emerges from her office, behind a divider on the plane. She has a phone receiver against her chest, you assume to muffle her voice to whoever is on the other end. “Emmy and I are so glad you decided to join us, we’ll be taking off in around 15 minutes.” She tells you, glancing at her watch.

You shoot her a polite smile and thank her, and she looks between you and Emily, excusing herself back to her office.

“I’ll let you girls catch up.”

Emily leads you to the seat opposite her, her face now showing signs of concern. She watches your face for an answer but when nothing comes, she asks outright.

“What happened? I thought you were going to stick around and see what happens? You had a date right? Her words scratch your skin.

“Date’s off.” You swallow.

Her eyes widen. “What? Why?!”

“His ex is pregnant and it’s his.” You reply nonchalantly, rapidly blinking back tears behind your sunglasses.

Her mouth drops open. “Holy shit! Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine.” You reply, gazing out of the window.

Emily watches you in shock, unsure of what to say. She can tell by your demeanour that you’re in shock but she can’t do anything except hold your hand and tell you she’s sorry with a quiet voice.

“Yeah.” You sigh.

———

09:00

When he keys open your apartment door, he’s hit with an eerie silence, a heart wrenching emptiness. He attempts to turn a lamp on but the electricity has been turned off, leaving the living room cold and dark.

His mind fills in the spaces between the emptiness, picturing you sitting on your couch, or on the bar stools around your island. Can hear the incessantly loud TV, and your laughter from your room.

Your room is just as empty too, a few stray clothes hangers remain in the wardrobes and when he turns to look out at your balcony, he swears he sees your shadow outside. He makes sure the doors and windows are secure and makes his way back to your living room, the entire experience harrowing, like walking through a graveyard of memories.

His legs give out as he walks back to the living room, sinking onto the couch. A picture of you catches his eye on the side table next to him, the same one he’d caressed gently when you’d been taken by Jordan. He’d thought then, that was the worst moment of his life, had he known what was to come, he’d have reserved his judgement.

He swallows the lump in his throat as he gently brushes a finger over the glass, unable to keep the tears from coming now. He wishes with everything you could have stayed, can feel it deep within him that you’ll keep a part of his heart for years to come. Then he remembers the note.

He opens the folded paper with trembling hands.

‘Dearest Aaron,

I sit in your living room right now, struggling for the words to write but I can’t seem to come up with anything that truly encapsulates how I feel. How I’m incredibly sorry to have to leave like this, how I wish with everything in me that I didn’t have to, I wish this could have ended differently.

I want to say thank you. You may not know or understand this, but for all the good and bad, you truly changed my life. I met you during the darkest and scariest part of my life, when I had nobody - when I was all alone. And in you came like a light and protected me fiercely, taught me everything I needed to save my life. You did that.

You saved me.

You changed me.

Despite the circumstances, we did have something, a friendship, maybe the start of something more - something real. Don’t ever doubt that. The last two days were two of the best of my life, a fitting reward, I thought, after everything I’d been through. But I couldn’t let you talk me into staying, because I know you, and you would have tried, told me that we could’ve worked something out - and it would’ve been selfish of me to stay.

I want you to know that I am so incredibly happy for you. This wasn't an easy decision, but I’m leaving of my own choice. I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll be an amazing father. That child will be loved and oh so lucky to have you and your warmth as a father. I know how much this means to you, how important it is for you to give your child a better life than the one you and Sean had.

And you will.

Thank you for everything you did for me, thank you for saving me over and over again. Thank you for teaching me to be brave, and for coming into my life. My hope for you is that you’ll build a wonderful life with your beautiful little family and achieve everything you’ve ever wanted and more.

You’ll change the world one day.

Know that I will always have a special place for you in my heart.

I’ll never forget you.

All my love.’

He swallows the burning in his chest. Two days were all he had with you and he stupidly saw himself able to imagine a future with you, could imagine loving you for the rest of his life - but then he’d been in love with you long before you’d asked him to stay.

He winces as something digs into his chest and he reaches for his inside jacket pocket until something cold makes contact with his fingers.

His heart stops, molten lava running through his veins.

Your necklace.

He grips it until the sharp edges of the pendant feel like they’re about to puncture his skin.

Maybe he wasn’t destined for peace, for love. The love that he wanted. Maybe a happy ending wasn’t written for him and he’d have to make peace with that. At least he had the memory of your face burnt into his brain, the smell of your hair, the sound of your laughter.

That finite part of you would get him through eternity.

———

20:00

You’ve rejected every meal you’ve been offered by the staff aboard the plane, instead choosing to down Emily’s bottle of red wine. It eases the heaviness in your head, that’s true but the ache in your chest still remains.

Emily’s since drifted off to sleep, her book laying open against her stomach, meal half-eaten. You stare at the blinking lights of the plane and the clouds below you until everything starts to blur.

You love him. He loves you. That much is true. You never had believed in the concept of the right person but the wrong time, how could you? If the person was right, the timing would surely be inconsequential.

That was until you met Aaron.

In this life, in the grey harsh reality, after everything you had been through with him, the simple fact that two people love one another pales in comparison to the bloody reality of commitments, matters of the mind and sacrifice.

He loves you and you love him. It just isn’t enough.

He aches for you and you ache for him. But it’s still just out of reach.

Your hearts aren’t your own anymore. But you have to go on anyway.

———

< Prev | Next >

Tags: @oreogutz @andromedasstarship @galacticnerd-78 @izzyl13 @crying-river @purpledragonturtles @gabbysblogthingy @archiveofadragon @yoshigguk @acidicbloody @jeor @ivebeenthinkingboutu @bauslut @averyhotchner @vashanatasha @hotchwhore15 @pjmjams @slxtherinchxser @qtip-blog @avenging-criminal-bones @rousethemouse @spencerreidsoulmate @caprisunzz @malindacath @azenpal @angelfxllcm @romanogersendgame @itsmytimetoodream @kyleehotchner

[roma107]

some of iracus easter eggs

before you read this, make sure you've read this fic on ao3 first.

summary: dick Grayson has fallen Or a look at how people reacted after dick's death.

dick grayson week 2022 - Day 1

- dick was gonna die at christmas or thanksgiving which would have amplified the angst tons but i decided to go with superhero day instead. felt more fitting. didn't want to ruin other holidays for his people forever yk.

- superhero day is an actual thing. u.s. marvel employees created national superhero day on april 28, 1995 to celebrate everyone's favorite superhero

- alfred sees dick as his son, the same way he sees bruce. most of his quotes compare both men and notice the difference in their actions.

- my personal headcanon is that dick has some kind of eating disorder and when stressed, he goes mute

- there’s a a decade-long argument between the titans on who's dick's best friend. they didn't reach any conclusion. moreover, the number of people arguing increases every year

- if you liked the quote “ the noise of the family is a reflection of the calmness of the heart “ you should read stolen - it expands on this idea

- the feeling of not being enough to save the boys always hunts alfred. he always has to sit in the cave and wait for their bodies. this time he was hoping to reach the hospital before it was too late. he didn’t

- clark's part focuses on the idea of rebirth. most of his paragraphs started with "the first time...". it's referencing nightwing's legacy of change. dick has always had the courage to start anew when he needed to. he was never stuck in the past, always living in the present.

- dick dies holding damian and leaning on donna. i'm sorry, i don't know why i do that.

- dick dying peacefully while surrounded by his loved ones is his ideal death. dying while flying or well falling is a close second.

- coincidentally the color code pain scale follows their original colors. green, yellow, and red. blue is when the pain is off the charts.

- only dick grayson can lean on the man of steel without feeling fear or being brushed off

- the heroes couldn't return the favor and save him like he saved them multiple times before

- it's canon that the titans distract each other from pain by talks and jokes

- i know roy wasn't in titans annual #1 but roy’s quote still stands

- dick went with Roy on a trip to Ireland to Ireland to help him take care of Lian when he first started out as a father

- should i write the conversation between lian and roy? because it’s totally in my wips and all you have to do is tell me to continue it.

- check my work "d-word" where destiny and death had an interesting conversation when dick died before going to spyral.

- we have a bond, remember? you’ve been inside my mind, let me inside yours. - not comics' quote - taken from teen titans show

- have a wip around the idea of dick using swords. let me know if you want to read it.

- a reminder that ras calls bruce, dick, jason, and tim “detective”. you can guess which one is he talking to here.

- there was a part with haly but never got the chance to write it

- i also have a wip with ace, that i am not sure if i should finish. let me know if you enjoyed the dog's part.

- dogs can only see blue and yellow

- the pets call him dami because that's what dick always calls him and it stuck.

- after alfred's, dick's scent in the manor is the most prominent.

- ace knew from the moment he stepped into the room, that's why he insisted haley goes with him. he knew dick from the very beginning, he caught the change in his scent.

- was bruce in the cave destroying it? guess we will never know

- alfred was getting drunk. yes the proper british man lost it after losing his boy. it's actually canon that alfred got drunk last time dick died before joining spyral

- the longest i've ever written, wow. started this fic last july and finally pushed myself to finish it to celebrate dick's 82 years

[iphoenixrising]

The Demon You Know

Day 1 Urban Fantasy AU | Magical/Supernatural Creatures | Time Travel

So, something a little off the grid for my first day of DickTim Week 2021. Special thanks to my wonderful babe @vellaphoria for the beta and the incredible peeps on the Capes and Coffee discord (looking at you @themandylion, @strawberryjei and others). Also need to show my undying love for @chippon because babe, we are making it work.

**

When the sun creeps up over the sky in Gotham, then it’s time to GTFO. Capes in the daytime aren’t the usual for the city, and Red Robin has been playing it too late, staying out far past O’s warning to bring it in for the night. So, really, he’s only got himself to blame.

His penthouse perch has seen more use in the last few months since, welp, Gotham and the fact he likes to get away from the team mentality sometimes, like to return to his roots and run the rooftops like when he was still that Robin. His trips to the Manor had become more frequent since B was back in the cowl and things in the family seemed to be returning to some semblance of normal. 

Well, as normal as it could get, really.

But all that goodwill and positivity is literally ghost. Red’s hands are shaky and his inner calm is absolutely blown. He’s ducking into his perch to throw his suit off, grab his duffle bag full of sundries and fake idents, then he’s going to hit the airport as fast as he can get a flight the hell out of town, away from the terrifying sight.

(He should just call Bart or Kon or Cassie, tell them he needs an out faster than he can arrange it himself, he needs to get away from–)

He knows he fucked up when the slight sounds, small and metallic in nature, make it past his pulse thumping in his ears.

Like a horror flick, he slowly turns as the front door gives a groan and is pushed open by a very familiar palm.

Dick’s blue eyes fall on him like a ton of bricks, on Red Robin’s feet frozen to the floor, his suit only half on, and no way he can get far enough to throw himself out a window.

Fuck.

“So,” Dick keeps his voice soft, footsteps easy as he steps inside Tim’s penthouse and closes the door behind him, “you finally found me out.”

Keeping his mouth shut in times like this has really saved his ass before, so Red doesn’t say a word, keeps every muscle in his body ready to spring for the right second –

Watching the would-be robber struggle in Dick’s grip, watching the light show brighten overwhelmingly, seeing what had to be-had to be feeding.

“I figured it would be you if anyone, actually, so I’m not really surprised, just… disappointed.” Dick continues softly, only in jeans and a t-shirt since Nightwing was oddly missing from the patrol roster last night.

And Red is apparently the only one that knows why.

“But that doesn’t mean I can just let you go, Timmy,” Dick isn’t stopping, his whole body lax while Red is wound tight, backing away from the man he thought he knew. “I really wish you hadn’t found out like this. I...I had other plans.” 

Whirlybirds and pellets aren’t going to help him here. Hand-to-hand and martial arts, aerial acrobatics, none of it is going to make a difference. 

His throat goes dry when Dick’s eyes get more and more blue, when his former mentor doesn’t stop advancing, and Red Robin is running out of room to back away.

“I tried to save you, Timmy. I tried so hard to get you away, out of Gotham, even if you went because you thought you had to find Bruce, I’m the one that gave you the compulsion to leave.” The low laugh is edged with something desperate, “why the hell couldn’t you stay away?”

“This is my city, just as much as Batman’s. You taking my fucking cape wasn’t enough,” Red Robin bites out, back thumping against the kitchen counter, realizing Dick had backed him into the corner. “How did you keep it from him? Constantine, Zatanna, all the magic users he has on speed dial and he never figured you out? No one in the JLA or Titans did?”

That makes Dick pause.

“He never had to. He knew what my parents were before they ever died, Timmy. Haley’s Circus came to Gotham regularly. Bruce always knew.”

The information blast hits him painfully, that Bruce didn’t bother to tell him and look at where they are now.

“And he didn’t try to help you?” Red, Tim, gapes at the still silhouette that used to be someone he thought he knew like he knew himself. Someone that’s always had this secret. “He didn’t try to –”

“Cure me?” Dick’s mouth lifts in a semblance of a smile Tim knows. “There is no cure for this, Timmy. It’s what I am. What my parents both were, the curse of the Romain Bababiljos. It’s unfortunate for me both of them were cursed, that just makes the...the hunger two-fold.”

And it’s just a few more steps, a raised hand that makes Tim flinch back, but only a fingertip taps the edge of the domino, makes the whiteouts raise.

Automatically, with everything he’s learned, studied, experienced about supernatural creatures, he ducks his head so he isn’t looking directly into those eyes. That doesn’t stop Dick from bracketing Tim in, both hands on the counter, their bodies a breath apart.

Dick laughs softly, close enough for Tim to feel the breath on his face. “The Titans...I never had to tell them. By then, I could control myself, at least mostly. The JLA? I’m one of the Batman’s proteges. I’ve been fighting crime since I was eight. They believe in me. There was never a reason for any of them to look too deeply past the surface.”

“Wh-what do you mean mostly?” Tim’s heart slams in his chest, “how many people have you killed, Dick?”

“Do you have any idea how awful the hunger is?” And the lower Dick’s voice goes, the harder Tim’s heart starts to pound. “Surviving on hugs and family affection is tantamount to starvation for someone like me. It’s so easy to kill someone during sex because the hunger is so much I can’t control it sometimes. Anyone I’m with is in danger.  That’s why I couldn’t stay with Babs, she’s too human. The one time I came close–” 

Dick breathes again and all Tim looks at is the span of throat, thinking of the soft, vulnerable parts, anything he can use to get the fuck away.

“–but I didn’t. I have...willpower sometimes. I drained her so close, though. She was-was so fragile, Timmy, and I was so hungry. I’d been starving for so damn long. She was hospitalized for longer than she’d been when the Joker shot her, and I said never again. But Wally and Kory were...different. I could go further with him without killing them, I could get more full than I’d been in a long time. It was still dangerous for them, but I was so far gone by the time...”

“They’re both still alive. Babs is still alive. Does she–?”

“Remember? Of course not. None of them do. I made sure of that, Tim, so none of them would be afraid of me.”  And the air changes when Dick gets closer, his eyes get brighter, and Tim almost chokes with the almost touch to his body under his suit. “But, you are going to be different, aren’t you? I’m not going to be able to convince your mind that what you saw was a dream.”

“So what? You’re going to make me “disappear”? You’ll give Bruce some sob story about how I got tired of the vigilante life and left for college or some shit? Going to bury me where no one will ever find me?” He isn’t looking at Dick’s face, can’t see his own end coming, can’t believe he’d put all his faith and belief in this man only to have it all come to this.

Tim laughs wetly, blinking rapidly, and everything suddenly comes together. “He won’t ever come looking for me anyway. You made sure of that when you made Damian your Robin. Nice plan, Dick. No one is going to give a shit if I’m never seen again anyway.”

And it’s stupid not to at least try, not to duck and kick out, trip up whatever Dick really is, to break a window and fucking run, try to get Bruce, Clark, Kon and Bart and Cassie, to get anyone to listen to him about what Dick really is, to try to save himself.

(If you’d never figured out Dick was Robin, if you never put yourself in front of him, you’d be safe now. Miserable but safe.)

Even if it’s his own brain pan spitting this out, he knows it’s bullshit. 

If he’d never approached Dick Grayson with proof Batman was losing his mind, Tim Drake wouldn’t have reached twenty-one. The way his life was going, he would have probably hung himself long before getting to this stage in his life. If he’d never had Bruce or Alfred or Dick or Steph, if he’d never had Robin, never had Young Justice or The Titans, if he’d never had the Clench, never felt the rumble under his feet as Gotham had fallen, if he’d never had the agony of losing everyone in his life, if he’d never had the drive to prove his adopted father was alive…

The civilian Tim Drake wouldn’t have had the strength to make it through life alive.

So if this is the way he goes out, if Dick is the one that ends it for him–

There’re worse ways to go.

He’s not going to be the Joker’s next victim or Ra’s al Ghul’s heir with a mix of Lazarus Pit crazy. The HIVE, the Light, the mass of aliens he’s fought, any number of Rogue Gallery thugs, none of them will be the ones to take him out.

But this?

His career as Robin started out with Dick Grayson, so maybe...maybe it’s fitting this is the way it all ends. 

He sucks in a breath and finally tilts his head up, looks up into those electric blue eyes, and lets his breath out so so slow.

Because Dick is looking at him with watery eyes, with a grimace, with something Tim can actually recognize.

But those eyes light up in his penthouse perch, take on a supernatural glow, Dick snatching his wrists in bigger hands, pulling Tim closer, the heat getting through layers of Kevlar and Nomex. And just like that, he can’t pull away, can’t pull back.

There’s no way to defend himself when Dick pulls him in, when he expects to get his throat ripped out, his neck snapped, something important crushed, for the darkness to take over and his heart to slow down to a sad, weak pitter patter.

He can’t defend himself when Dick kisses him, opens his mouth, and stuns him into going completely slack.

“I told you,” Dick growls softly when he pulls back, bends enough to get Tim laid out over his shoulder, “I had other plans.”

But Tim can’t reply, can’t do anything other than lay across Dick’s back as the Romani love deamon strides down the hallway and kicks open the bedroom door.

**

And if Tim Drake survives until morning, shocking the hell out of the both of them, staring up at Dick’s surprised face and glowing blue eyes, if the soft touch to his jaw contrasts sharply with the bruises and red marks blossoming all over his body from an intense night with his supernatural mentor and best friend, if Dick doesn’t whisper, “finally, finally, my mate,” before kissing him. 

If the power Dick drains from him doesn’t kill him, doesn’t do more than give him the most amazing span of unending multiple orgasms to ever happen, if Dick isn’t fully satisfied for the first time in his life. If Dick doesn’t call them both off patrol for the next three nights, carts Tim back to his apartment, refuses him clothes and computers and tech, tells the Titans they’re taking a break from crime fighting while Tim is tied and gagged in his bed, sated enough to listen hazily with half-mast eyes. 

If Dick doesn’t hand feed him while he’s getting feeling back in his legs (finally) and give him the full run-down about his parents. If the strange mark on his abdomen doesn’t get warm whenever Dick’s hand is on it, fingers tracing the edges, making those blue, blue eyes dilate in possessiveness. If Tim doesn’t eventually escape with his sanity intact and a little terrified how much his body craves only to have Dick chase after him with single-minded purposes to convince him they’re meant to be.

Then only the man with cameras all over Gotham, waiting and watching with bated breath and fear for his Robins, unmitigated relief when his theory proves true, would be able to give all the details.

[the-modernmary]

my best habit || aaron hotchner x reader (ch. 1)

Summary: When Aaron Hotchner ended your affair with him, saying that a serial killer was going after him and his family, you were content with the idea that you’d probably never see him again. Two years have come and gone since then, but when you get dragged into an FBI investigation as a key witness, you and Hotch are forced to come face to face with all the things left unsaid.

Warnings: n/a

A/N: Thank you for all of the love on the prologue!! like WOW i couldn't have expected that big of a response so THANK YOU!!! As a reminder: I already have the first 17 chapters out on ao3, so I will be updating on here pretty quickly! This takes place two years after the prologue, and this is where the actual storyline starts!

masterlist || read on ao3

Anything you say can and will be held against you

So only say my name

It will be held against you

-Fall Out Boy, “Just One Yesterday”

Present Day- Two Years Later

You tugged at the handcuff that was attaching you to the interrogation table, hoping that if you glared at it enough, it would just go away. One minute, you were at your apartment and getting ready to go out with some of your friends, and the next minute Metro D.C. police were banging on your door, ordering you to go with them, no charges and no explanation.

So now you were just stuck, sitting and waiting for somebody to tell you what the hell this all was about. Law school had taught you enough about interrogation tactics, and they were pulling out all of the stops- turning down the room temperature, forcing you to sit in the most uncomfortable chair you’ve ever been in, and just making you be by yourself in the metal room. A small part of you was nervous, but mostly you were just confused. You couldn’t think of anything you’d done that would warrant your arrest.

Just as the isolation of the room was about to get to you, the door swung open and in walked two people. The first one was a petite blonde woman and following her was a younger looking man in a cardigan. You narrowed your eyes slightly at the site of them. You had expected the usual “good cop/bad cop” technique, but neither of these cops looked very intimidating.

“Hi there,” the woman spoke, sliding into the chair across from you. “My name is Agent Jareau and this is Dr. Reid. We’re here to ask you a few questions.”

Her name sounded familiar, but you couldn’t quite place where you knew it from. You raised an eyebrow and jutted your head towards Dr. Reid. “Is the handsome one not an agent?” you asked, leaning back in your chair.

Dr. Reid seemed unphased by your question, as if he was used to that question. “I am an agent. But I also have three doctorates,” he answered.

You just smirked at him before looking back at Agent Jareau. She had placed a file on the table, the seal of the FBI practically staring you in the face. Whatever they brought you in for was an FBI matter? Oh, you were definitely screwed. You tried to keep your cool. “So are you guys going to actually charge me with anything, or are you just going to hold me for 72 hours until you find something to stick?” you accused.

Agent Jareau shook her head, and you were still desperately trying to remember how you knew that name. “The faster you cooperate, the faster we can let you go.” It didn’t go unnoticed to you that she refused to answer your question. She leaned over the table slightly to slide the file towards you and you caught a glimpse of her ID. Everything came back to you at once.

Jennifer Jareau. FBI. Business cards. “You can set up a formal meeting with me at the BAU…” Holy shit, you did know that name.

You laughed softly to yourself and crossed your legs as the memories came flooding back. “Okay, I’ll cooperate,” you agreed, but you were looking directly at the two way mirror. “But only if I can speak to your unit chief. It still is Aaron Hotchner, correct?” Your voice was innocent enough to not be too suspicious, but you knew it would drive Aaron crazy. It was the same voice you would use when he had a fistfull of your hair and you were promising to be his good girl.

You could only imagine what was going on behind that two way mirror; Aaron’s team looking at him with complete and utter confusion, trying to figure out how you knew him, all while Aaron was probably clenching his teeth, red with anger. Maybe if you made him mad enough, he would bend you over the interrogation table once everybody else had left.

Jennifer and Dr. Reid shared a quick glance before looking back at you. Dr. Reid spoke first. “It would be best if we could go over our questions with you first.”

You bopped your head, pretending to think it over. “I get it, the two of you have a job to do and you have a strategy to stay in control, so I’ll give you guys a choice. You can let me speak to Agent Hotchner or I lawyer up and invoke the 5th.”

Like clockwork, the door swung open violently and Aaron stormed in. “I’ll take it from here,” he ordered, and the other two agents quickly shuffled out of the room.

He sat down in the seat across from you and you just raised the hand that was handcuffed to the table, wiggling your fingers. He was pissed, you could tell, and you loved every second of it. You leaned over the table, signalling for him to move closer to you. He hesitated, which earned him a roll of your eyes, but he eventually leaned over the table too.

“If you wanted me in handcuffs again for you, you didn’t have to go through all this effort. My phone number hasn’t changed,” you whispered, low enough so that the group watching on the other side of the mirror couldn’t hear. He refused to answer and instead just pulled back to his normal seated position. Ever the good agent, Aaron’s face went back to it’s normal, stoic look, and it made you pout. You wanted to get more of a rise out of him.

“Miss. Y/L/N,” he said cooly. “Why don’t we get started?” You realized with a sinking feeling that he was already starting to lose interest in you flirting, his attention focused back on the task at hand, attention that you selfishly wanted all to yourself.

You slipped off the heels you were wearing and stretched your leg out so that your foot could brush against his leg. If you couldn’t touch him with your hands right now, you were going to make sure he could feel you in some way. His eyes shot up to yours, giving you a warning look, as if to say “Stop right now or I’m going to make you.”

You knew that look too well, craved for it even. You just responded with a smirk and dropped your foot, relishing in the fact that he actually looked slightly disappointed that you stopped.

“How are Haley and Jack doing, Aaron?” you asked lazily, leaning back in your chair. “Visiting them more often?”

Aaron cleared his throat and ran his hand down his tie to flatten it, as if it had come out of place. He was always so put together at work. “Jack is fine. Haley passed away a while ago,” he said quickly, and guilt immediately engulfed you.

You lowered your gaze so that you were staring at the interrogation table. “Oh,” you mumbled. “I’m sorry.” And you really were sorry. Sure, your relationship, or lack of relationship, with Haley was weird. You were sleeping with her ex before the divorce papers had time to be fully submitted, and even though Aaron was well in his right to be with whoever he wanted, the two of you still found yourselves sneaking around with each other. But you never had anything against her personally- she seemed like a great mother and obviously made Aaron happy for however long they were married.

Besides, you could take a guess as to what happened to Haley. Your fling with Aaron lasted for a fun few months, neither of you ever expecting anything other than sex whenever you met up, so when you and Aaron had decided to stop seeing each other, it was completely amicable. He had explained that the BAU was closing in on a serial killer who was going after him and his family, and you did not want to be involved in that mess. The fact that Haley died right as a serial killer was chasing her… that definitely wasn’t just a coincidence.

The tension was thick in the room as the two of you desperately searched for how to continue the conversation. What were you supposed to say after finding out your fuck buddy’s ex wife was murdered?

You started talking before your brain could even process what you were saying. “Well, like told you, if you ever need somebody to help you pick up those broken pieces...”

He ignored you, electing to direct the conversation in his own direction. “You know, I read the paper you were working on,” he said casually, and that sure caught you by surprise.

“You did?” you asked.

“You piqued my interest,” he admitted. “Your professor and I worked on a few cases together, so he gave me a copy. It was good. You are much more professional on paper.”

“I could say the same about you,” you countered, and he gave you a hint of a genuine smile.

“Although I did notice that you didn’t mention The People vs. Michaelson anywhere in it.” There was something in his voice that put you on edge. You could feel yourself walking into his trap, but you couldn’t help yourself. You wanted to know more.

You shrugged. “Well, I got some shit information about the case.”

For a split second, you thought you saw a flash of the old Aaron, but just as quickly as it came, it disappeared, and he was business as usual. “What intrigued me even more, however,” he continued, completely ignoring your previous comment. “Was that you didn’t mention recidivism at all, which is what that case is all about. Your thesis was on jury selection. Why ask me about the case if you weren’t going to use the information for school?”

You glared at him and clenched your hands into fists, your nails digging into your palms. What a dick. He knew why you were interested in the case- it mirrored your father’s situation almost perfectly. You were 12 the first time your father was arrested. When your mom realized that your dad was involved with some shady people, she immediately turned him into the cops to protect you. The prosecutor barely even tried during the case and your dad was in and out of prison within two years. The day he was released, he came right back to your home and killed your mom out of revenge. He’s now rotting in a max security prison for life, but you were still angry that he even had the opportunity to come after your mom. It’s why you wanted to become a prosecutor in the first place, so that you could ensure these criminals were actually brought to justice.

Aaron knew all that. You realized as he began to inch the case file closer to you that he was just trying to knock you off balance. The actual interrogation hadn’t even started yet. “And you say that I’m the one who gets under people’s skin,” you snapped at him.

Aaron humed to himself, arrogance oozing off of him. If you weren’t so angry at him, you would have thought it was hot. “You’re currently interning at DuPont and Associates?” You nodded, annoyed at him brushing off your last comment. “What do you know about the recent string of murders in the area?” Aaron asked.

Your eyebrows furrowed at his question. “Um… Just what they’re saying on the news? Somebody has been killing a bunch of people whose cases were dismissed because of technicalities- their Miranda rights were read incorrectly and that kind of stuff. I haven’t really been keeping up,” you admitted, still unsure of why you were there.

Aaron flipped open the case files, and instead of gruesome crime scene photos, you just saw legal briefs. More shocking, however, was that they were all legal briefs you had helped write. “Each of these victims had their initial cases through duPont and Associates, and we found that you were the only person who assisted on every case. What did you think about those dismissals? Some of these people really should have been locked up, wouldn’t you agree?”

Your mouth opened and closed as you tried desperately to find the words to say. Unconsciously, you started to tug at the handcuff again, as if they would suddenly just release you if you fought it enough. “Maybe, but that’s not really my decision,” you said disdainfully. Then the fear and realization slowly creeped into you. “Wait you don’t… you guys don’t think I did this, do you?” Your voice was rough and panicky.

Aaron placed his hands on the cold metal of the interrogation table, his fingers interlocked. His FBI Unit Chief exterior melted away ever so slightly. “No, I don’t,” he said softly, and his use of “I” instead of “We” did not go unnoticed by you. You weren’t sure if you were comforted by that or not. “But you are our best lead right now, and I think you know more than you realize. We have reason to believe that the unsub works for the law firm you’re interning at and is playing out a vigilante fantasy and considering you are the only one who actually worked on every single case, we need to use you and your position at the firm to get more intel.”

We need to use you. He realized his slip before he even finished his sentence. It was innocuous enough that his team probably didn’t even notice it; He was just letting a potential witness know that they were going to be an important part of the investigation. But you knew Aaron better than that, and you could see the wheels turning in his brain as he tried to figure out how to go back on what he just said.

You gave him a smirk and brought your elbows up on the table, steepling your fingers. Of course you were going to help them, whatever they needed. You’d do that even if Aaron wasn’t involved. But after being forcibly brought to the interrogation room, you figured you could make him sweat a little. “Oh Aaron, I’m flattered that you think I could be an asset to the BAU’s investigation. But if you want something from me, you’re going to have to ask for it.”

You got him right where you wanted him. You knew he wasn’t going to be happy with the roll reversal, using his own words against him. But you missed the playful banter between you and Aaron, and nobody knew how to get you off the way he did. Aaron had quite literally ruined sex for you, much to your disappointment. The other people you had slept with since meeting Aaron all lacked the confidence and intelligence that Aaron brought to every meeting, and they could never walk that fine line of fucking you like they adored you and hated you at the same time.

The way that Aaron would demand you to ask and use your words was more than just a way for him to remain in control, although you knew that was definitely part of it. And it was more than just checking for consent- that always came earlier and you had your safeword. No, it was more than all of that. He wanted to hear you beg for the things you wanted, as if he wanted to be validated; He always wanted to know that you still wanted him, which you did. So you just kept asking him for things, and he happily kept giving them to you.

Aaron looked downright murderous, his eyebrows scrunched together and his breathing getting heavier. He stood up and slammed the case file shut. “I’m not going to ask for anything, because where I’m standing, I have the control here. In case you forgot, you’re in handcuffs and I can walk out of here whenever I want.” But even as he said it, he stayed exactly where he was, his hands on the table and leaning down so that he was closer to you.

In return, you just arched your eyebrow at him, waiting for his question. He had to ask you for the sake of his job and the case and you both knew it, and you got a strange satisfaction from watching him have to ask you for something for once. He stared at you for a few moments, jaw clenching, until he realized the entire BAU team was behind the two way mirror watching this situation go down. “Will you please help us with the case?” he asked through gritted teeth.

You gave him a smug smile, which only served to irritate him further. “I would love to,” you told him, your voice too sweet and too innocent. “Now can you please take my handcuffs off?”

Aaron walked towards you wordlessly, taking the keys out of his pockets. “You’ll still have to wait here for a few minutes so that you can sign some papers,” he told you, keeping his voice even, but it all changed as he kneeled next to you, slowly unlocking the handcuffs. His fingers lingered on your skin for far too long to be considered appropriate. “Don’t get too comfortable,” he whispered in your ear, voice low enough so that nobody could hear what he was saying. “You’re going to be in handcuffs for the rest of night while I punish you for that little show you decided to give everybody. Did you already forget how to not be a brat? Do I have to teach you again?”

His words made your arousal shoot straight to your core. You were released with a soft click! and you rubbed your irritated wrist lightly. “Yes,” you practically moaned, and you were sure that your face was flushed. And just like that, it was as if only a few days had passed since you and Aaron had last seen each other, instead of two years. The two of you fell back into an easy rhythm. “I still live in the same apartment. Five minutes from here.”

With that, Aaron stormed out of the interrogation room, already barking orders at the cops. “Get her processed and out of here quickly, I don’t want to spend anymore time on this,” he demanded, making a beeline to grab his stuff. Unfortunately for him, Rossi was standing right in front of Aaron’s bag, a knowing smirk on his face. Aaron stopped mid step and groaned in annoyance. “Dave, don’t.”

Rossi just ignored him. “Old friend?” he asked, stepping aside just enough to let Aaron grab his bag.

Aaron looked around quickly and was relieved to see that there were no other BAU members near them. “You could say that,” Aaron mumbled and started to walk to the doors.

To his dismay, Rossi just followed him. “She’s pretty,” Rossi hummed, and Aaron hated how easily Rossi was able to keep this conversation so casual. “Not your usual type, though.” It didn’t take a profiler to get the underlying comment: She’s young.

Aaron took an audible breath, keeping his eyes on the exit sign that seemed to be getting further and further away. “Yeah, well…” His voice trailed off, unable to find a good response.

“When did you meet her?”

Aaron paused, deciding how honest he was going to be. He figured that if anybody was going to find out, it would be Rossi, and if he was honest with Rossi now, they would be able to keep it a secret from the rest of the team. He cleared his throat. “An alumni event at George Washington. Before Foyet but after the divorce.” Another pause. “Right after the divorce,” he clarified.

Rossi just nodded understandably, a soft “Ah” coming from his lips. He would push the full story out of Aaron later, but it was obvious that Aaron was just desperate to get out of the police station. “Okay, well... I will let the team know about your emergency meeting with Strauss that she just called, which is why you’re leaving so quickly. And if they ask, from what you’re telling me, Y/N is just one of Sean’s old friends from before he dropped out of law school. I’m pretty sure you never got along with his friends, am I correct?” Sometimes, Rossi was too good at thinking on his feet.

Aaron turned to face Rossi, his mouth open and ready to argue, but he knew there was no point. With Rossi’s lie, it would keep the team from asking too many questions, at least until Aaron got his need for you out of his system. Just one night, he promised himself. That’s all I’ll need. So instead of arguing, Hotch just nodded at Rossi, a hint of a smile on his face. It made it all worth it, in Rossi’s eyes. Aaron hadn’t been this excited about a girl since Haley’s death. He deserved a night of fun. “Thank you,” Aaron breathed before swiftly stepping out of the police station.

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 27th October

Some tracks just feel like a bit of a watershed, and I suspect that our first tune will be one of them. And I also suspect that our other two tracks will also bring some good energy to the table this week. So, without further ado...

Rock Around the Clock - Bill Haley and His Comets (peaked at Number 1)

I mean, it's iconic, right? From the gunshot double drum hits at the start, to the way it just launches straight in with a One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock, to the choppy guitar, and the way that double bass and sax kicks in on the chorus. Rocking, rowdy fun.

I always enjoyed this song, but doing this project this way, it's even more obvious just how much a shake-up this kind of sound was. It's not that this is the first example we've had, but it's the most straight-forwardly hard-rocking song we've had, all chaotic, repetitive, bashy energy.

I also like that it's a song about going dancing - and not the soft, gently "I love dancing with my lady" type song that we've seen before! No, this is about having a wild, all-night, dancing-with-complete-strangers dance party. It's a picture of a sort of teenage exuberance that probably existed before 1955, but that we'd certainly never seen in the charts. Has there been any other artist yet who could get away with lyrics like If the band slows down, we're gonna yell for more?

It's actually a really simple song, too, both structurally and lyrically. We've got six verses, each ending in exactly the same refrain, most of which is just Bill counting, and the lyrics' entire point is "let's keep dancing". There's not even really a romantic element, just dancing, and there's a simplicity to that that's almost as provocative as the raucous energy, as the teens reject the complicated, lushly-orchestrated songs of their parents.

I'd also be remiss if I didn't mention how much fun all the little solo breaks and instrumental touches are here, from the jittery guitar solo in the middle, to the punchy little sax blasts later on, to the endearingly cheesy guitar and drum roll ending. You get the feeling that everyone involved is having a lot of fun, and that fun's pretty infectious. No wonder this got to Number 1.

Hey There - Johnnie Ray (5)

Another promising contender, actually. I liked this song a lot in last week's entry, and I feel like it would be well-suited to Johnnie's emotional style. I'm also interested to hear the original male version, after Rosemary Clooney's gender-flipped one. Will it land differently, with a man singing?

No, it turns out. The most striking change is that Johnnie is now giving out advice "like a brother", not "like a mother", which I hadn't even thought about, but yeah, that needs to change. Otherwise, it turns out the change of pronouns doesn't actually change the vibe too much. We've still got Johnnie, hopelessly gone on a lady who doesn't like him back, advising himself to give her up, but knowing that he's too far gone to take his own advice.

There are some nice touches that Rosemary's version didn't have. The chorus at the start, for example, gives the whole thing a slightly jazzy barbershop feel that I do appreciate, especially when the tinkly piano-like sound from Mr. Sandman appears on the top.

Unfortunately, the rhythms and instrumentation have changed too, and I don't think for the better - Rosemary's version felt different, more swung, and with more breathing space between the lines she was singing. Somehow, Johnnie's version feels stuffier, or maybe just fussier, compared to Rosemary's version's relative simplicity. Her version sounded intimate, lonely, delicate even. This doesn't quite, despite Johnnie giving it his best go.

Or maybe I'm just annoyed that this isn't actually rock and roll. I know Johnnie has it in him, but this ain't quite it.

Hernando's Hideaway - The Johnston Brothers (1)

Another song that got to Number 1, and apparently also a song from The Pyjama Game, which I didn't know, despite kind of knowing the song (or at least being able to hum the first line).

It does kind of make sense that this is from a musical, though - I think even not knowing that, I'd have assumed it was from a film, or something, because it's not really the sort of song you'd just write otherwise. I mean, it's not about love, or heartbreak, or dancing, or God, or babies, or any of the things that 1950s people seem to like writing songs about. Instead, it's a song that sets a very specific scene, and that's basically it. It's a song about a club, and that's kind of its whole point.

This scene-setting is done deftly, but not particularly subtly. Even before we hit the lyrics, we've got castanets going furiously, setting us up for a tango tune when the Johnston Brothers finally come in. Add in some tango strings and yet more castanets going ham between the verses, just for added drama, then throw in some ole lines, and you've got something that couldn't be more Spanish if it tried.

Somehow, despite all this cheese, it does also somehow manage to be a little bit sexy. I mean, a tango is fundamentally a pretty sexy dance, fitting with description of the titular club as a a dark secluded place / A place where no one knows your face, perfect for A glass of wine, a fast embrace. Clearly, the club's secrecy allows for a certain degree of amorous anonymity - how scandalous!

In this context, I also like the description of how you get into Hernando's Hideaway, complete with sound effects, as the narrator tells the listener Just knock three times and whisper low / That you and I were sent by Joe. It's like something from a film, so melodramatic.

Yeah, that was a good set of songs. I went into this entry feeling pretty good, and I wasn't wrong. The energy this week was impeccable, and though all three songs were very different to each other, each one had its own distinctive charm and fun. I think that's something that some of the soupier ballads are maybe missing - that sense of fun, or of not taking yourself too seriously. That, and guitar solos!

Favourite song of the bunch: Rock Around the Clock