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#half truths either
magnoliamyrrh · 2 years
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#i really fucking hate how hard i was dissociating in class#and it happened before too when i wasnt on these meds yet#i wasn't even high.#i rly hate having to acknowledge that im like this. over and over again. that this is a reality#. and i hate having to acknowledge that im disabled in public#like im in pain in public. or occasionally limping. or needing to sit down. or looking half dead. or god worst of all being visibility#mentally ill that one makes me wanna dig myself into the dirt and never come out#i hate that im not all there. that i cant be no matter how hard i try. and then im in the middle of fucking class like#who am i?#im so used to it but its still so much to put up with all the goddd damn time and all the time having to pretend that im ok or sane or#remotely funcitoning and not lowkey having a flashback in the middle of fucking class for unknown reasons. while this brain works overtime#to mask it take it to the inner and shove someone else in the front#......... god this is why ive actually kinda enjoyed my self imposed period of solitude#and even so when my parents are sround i still have to do thst almost 24/7#like i just wanna be insane in peace fjkdd left in my own soup as we say in romanian.... it takes too much effort to mask with strangers#... idk it makes it hard too when i meet people in person sometimes? because the moment the conversation gets past casual its like...#i want to answer your questions. i do not want to lie. but i also dont particularly want to tell the truth... tho i am not fond of telling#half truths either#... this is why over the years ive prefered 2 places to meet people 1)tumblr 2)psych ward lmaoo but fr. its the same vibe#because in a ward people are at their realest. no bullshit. all vulnerability. some of the realest most genuine impactful connections ive#made w ppl have been in wards.... and. tumblr is the one place outside or wards lmao. or my own brain. where im..... where i dont mask#where i dont put an effort to mask#... so when ppl start talking to me on here (even tho im at times bad at replying sorry idk why its so hard for me i need to work on it)#its like. well. you already have likely known for months or years that im fucking insane so 🤷‍♀️#.......... i didnt used to be this anxious. and to be honest im not quite sure i seem anxious either because i have been told too often i#seem confident? charasmatic? self assured? bitch fucking where i feel like slippery cold noodles inside from anxiety#.... its partially that im not used to being around so many ppl anymore. its partially the more severe trust issues ive developed again as#of late... but at the same time probability my general fedupness thsts been brewing for 12 years with a lotta the culture here isnt helping#either... but... I also think ive just.... ive become incredibly incredibly frustrated with my mental and physical illnesses lately.. very#and their(my) limitations which i hate acknowledging. and all this fucking shame i got too over it. when i accepted it myself i did no care
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the-crooked-library · 2 months
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"Louis and Armand were still in love in Dubai!!" "Louis and Armand never loved each other!!" - no. it's worse. they were on the precipice of something good, but Armand couldn't recognize that, so he ruined everything they had, right when Louis had actually come to love him. the love was there for a fleeting moment and it was ruined irreversibly, never to return, even after decades they'd spent together out of desperation and spite. it's worse and that's the point
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claitea · 21 days
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kingdom hearts au where n is split into a nobody and heartless who search for reshiram and zekrom respectively. is this anything
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clownowo · 4 months
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Trying a new strategy to convince my friends Kazuma’s definitely dead (they don’t believe me) by indulging their jokes about him being secretly alive. You know they say a Japanese man’s katana is his soul so I guess he’s just wandering around soulless. Like he’s now an empty husk of himself. Haha that’d be crazy.
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kavennnn · 20 days
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wtf my son is dead
#wtf 😭😭#<says girl who has said multiple times that he would be okay with kenji coming back to die just so that the fandom would talk abt him more#tbf i dont think any of these deaths are permanent#also i havent read a translated version of the ch. i was just looking at the pictures of the raws w/out context#anyway lucy and kyouka are back !!!!#yayyy !!!!#“junichiro also died” i literally do not care#okay i do but not that much#im sorry i know he's an interesting and kinda underrated character but im not gonna help him become properly rated#most i care abt is whether junichiro had a drop item#i dont remember well rn but i think teruko had her uniform and kunikida had his notebook of ideals#did junichiro drop anything??#that we can see??#those two having drop items that are important to them is part of why i think theyll come back (other than this being bsd)#(and we also probably arent actually killing half the cast in one swing)#i didnt see kenji drop smthn either but im not super focused on him for this#i think it might just be we didnt see either of their item drops#but if it was just junichiro who didnt drop anything...#idk#i just rlly like the theory that he's an illusion naomi made#but since idk if kenji dropped anything this isnt any sort of evidence anyway#anyway kenji went out cool and i love him and im happy he's back in view of the fandom !!#“____ will live” ppl are strange to me bcos why do you treat it as you being insane for saying that when they literally will#if kenji is actually permanently dead im gonna look back at this in horror#but he isnt anyway#not in a denial way. that's not denial that's just the truth and ppl who think it's denial have been reading a different bsd than i have#anyway. yay❤️#my boy finally woke up !!#!!!#bsd kenji
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unnamed-atlas · 3 months
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Finally finished sweet tooth s3. Having incredibly mixed feelings
#love the show. love it a lot. about to be a bitch in the tags anyways#it was. so so messy. they needed another season so bad. the alaska trip took up so much of the comics#and that was with the previously established cast#in the show they introduced a million new characters. gave us no time to get to know them before they were thrown head first into the plot#and condensed an arc that was almost half of the comics into the span of like 5 episodes#my boy singh. oh how they massacred by boy#i mean. okay. in the context of the show the arc wasn't horrible for him.#but i think his survival in the comic and his dedication of his life to making up for the mistakes of his past by helping people and hybrids#would've been so much more powerful than his random self sacrifice at the end of the show.#bc honestly it just seems like another impulsive act in his moral flip flop he'd been having for the last few episodes#rather than active choice to be better#and honestly i wanted to see his delusional paranoid religious breakdown from the comics put to screen so bad#it would've been great#i do like that he turned against zhang the second she started trying to talk about rani. that shit slapped#the several fake outs about Jepp's death were so stupid and unnecessary and repetitive#why are you baiting everyone. you're going to piss off the hardcore comic fans waiting for his death and confuse the show fans#either commit to killing him or stop pretending like you're brave enough to do it#why did they flip back so hard into the mystical vaguely eco fascist backstory and outcome of the comic#after spending two seasons trying to build a more scientific and less 'humanity must end' story for two seasons straight#they tried to make it seem less 'humanity must die' again at the end by ending the virus#which i guess might've been the best outcome available considering the source material and the limitations of it's ending#but idk. it felt weird#the writing this season was so much less subtle. it felt like the characters were constantly monologing directly at the camera#nothing could be left unsaid everyone had to say exactly what they meant#and it was all moral lessons the writers were trying to feed directly to the audience#i feel like they wrote themselves into a corner at the end of the last season#and they expected to have at least one more season to write themselves out of it before the ending#and if not. if this was the plan since the beginning. literally what. WHAT.#can not imagine the people who wrote the last two seasons sitting down and writing this#it won't let me add more tags but i have more thoughts. many more. tumblr is silencing me for speaking the truth /j
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sweetvalentinescandy · 2 months
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trying to make some tweek designs just to like practice or somethin idk ell oh ell im not feeling very confident in my art anymore lowkey
big yap fest for each design under the cut !!
Barbarian Tweek
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"ive never really thought of tweek as afab outside of TSOT, but i feel more comfortable drawing top surgery scars [than i do like.. nipples.] ive always seen tweek as trans, usually non conforming/non binary/androgynous in general, but ive never considered transmasculine. but i like the idea!
this is probably my least canon compliant design of this bunch. i feel like the fantasy of TSOT is just so ripe for headcanons. i NEVER draw sp characters with canon in mind really, probably the autism taking over or somethin, but i always at least age them up [more in the main tweek design]. for this design, i was thinking more of what tweek thought they looked like, if not the more au version of TSOT. like, The Thief by Wintergrew on ao3 kinds of non canon compliant. thats also most of the inspiration for basically every TSOT thing i do ever. i love that series (i did cry) (a lot)"
Tweek Tweak
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"its the original guy lets have a round of applause honestly..., not my favorite time ive drawn bro. he looks so boring when hes just standing there. i always see tweek as non binary, just because i project on them a LOT.. like. i know that hes a guy and probably doesnt care [in canon], but i just headcanon like that i guess. i also age him up, along with every other sp character, to be around my age so like 14-17. i know thats controversial [and by "i know" i mean i saw someone on sp whisper pinterest say they hated it] but i just dont know how to write kids. theyre kinda boring. i can project more onto teens i guess. thats kinda all there is to say. sometimes i draw tweek with brown pants, but thats because i just like the earthy aesthetic [on them]"
Wonder Tweek
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"this is the most canon compliant one. im just not that much of a TFBW guy honestly (which is sad because its the only source of not really canon twenny sigh) but i guess its also the source of some of the best creek. i am not a creek hater but sometimes its hard to fight the allegations when i start crying over them having a cute scene in a video game [not because im mad its because i miss being in a relationship] [frowney tumblr loser behavior] when i say this is the most canon compliant one, i mean it. this is SHORT HAIR TWEEK. [i usually draw tweek with like longer hair like 2021 wolfmullet hair and with the little twin sideburn things idk what theyre called, mostly because i didnt know how to draw short boy hair before getting into sp and thats just how i drew them instead but a year later i finally decided to just do it and thought it was okay for startin out] code red. sound the alarms. theres not a lot to say besides that. (can you tell i hit my peak with barbarian tweek.) [i ordered this by order of how i finished them and yes you can tell sigh]"
#south park#tweek tweak#barbarian tweek#wonder tweek#the stick of truth#sp tsot#tfbw#sp tfbw#brief mention of creek#im not interested in my hobbies very much anymore but its ok#ill probably get out of it soon i hope#ok so since this is probably gonna get buried... ive been.... watching hermitcraft.#im still super super super not a dsmp fan the last dsmp fan i thought was nice and cool was my ex and he was a whole can of worms#i dont dont dont dont dont like dsmp ever no#just knowing how many problematic people are in that series is just so ick i couldnt ever see past that shit#also its just not what i want in content besides that#but ive really taken a liking to hermitcraft and the life series and yeah its cringe but like.. idk its captivated me.#and ive.... been... drawing fanart#vine boom sound effect plays the room shakes the earth splits in half gasp sound effect “you need to LEAVE!!”#but im really disappointed because of the overlap of dsmp fans in the life series/hermitcraft fanbase#so its either i post hermitcraft fanart and risk the dsmp fans liking my stuff and interacting#which does remind me of my ex unfortunately sigh#or i just.. dont post hermitcraft fanart. sigh#i dont ever worry too much about who interacts bc i dont want to gatekeep my art#like dsmp fans have interacted before#but i just... dont want to associate myself personally with that fandom#i KNOW theres good dsmp fans but me personally if i was supporting that group i wouldnt be very proud of it either#just wanted to get that off my chest (TOP SURGERY JOKE)#tumblr tags are literally my diary bro oh my shit
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skrelpson · 2 months
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Behold! Updated Rye (I forgot his glasses the first time rip)
I've been thinking about him a loooot recently. Dissecting a character who was originally supposed to be happy and go lucky really does something to you
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gurorori · 1 year
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bein' completely honest here i have considered npd shu be4 soooo often cause the. the shoe fits (laugh please), i feel like his past & family environment cld really serve as a push, in the end cluster Bs r all jus' sets of survival & coping tactics ya adopt into yr personality as a result of unjust treatment & trauma <- this is true
nawt 2 armchair diagnose him but like we shall go over sum npd traits. cause we kno here it ain't jus' high self esteem (when the opposite is usually evident)
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intentionally or nawt i feel like exvalk shu especially fits the npd mold like dat was his entire character conflict /lh (i miss him)
> a grandiose sense of self-importance
need i say anythin'. listen 2 like the first shu voiceline in ! it was literally 'i am the emperor of ymnsk academy'. .. doesn't he also go as far as 2 declare himself the god of this world? like ''kono sekai no kami da' i remember dat. oh & how much stronger & imposin' his timbre was compared 2 how much softer his voice is rn. he was very much self-focused even though it manifested thru valkyrie, he was distinctly treatin' the unit as his creation & his own creation only. the focus on the self is very real
> a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
i feel like if ya know shu ya will nod away at every single one of these cause. pre-fall valk <- dat wasn' even a fantasy, i feel like he was really narc-thrivin' back then cause it was the reality, they WERE on top. (srry if ya came here 4 thorough analysis i don' do that round here i jus' show ya smth & we both nod solemnly) success, power, brilliance, beauty, even ideal love (shnz wink?) - exvalk shu is both a perfectionist & a maximalist i think he craved it all, an' even when he has achieved great success he jus' can't get enuff, leadin' him 2 get overconfident 2 the point where he was /dat/ oblivious 2 his own (& valkyrie's, but at dat time he saw valkyrie as himself only, & the rest as just an extension, a tool) imminent demise practically laid out in front of him.
> a belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
this guy?
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the guy who calls the general public philistines & views ppl who don' adhere 2 the same high standards he holds 4 himself imbeciles?
> a need for excessive admiration
the 'go on, praise me more!' guy? it might seem at first like he'd b too prideful 2 outright ask 4 external validation but if ya really look a bit into it, he's very reliant on it.. i think it gets amplified by bein' an idol too, bein' very self conscious of yr image. ofc mr oshisan wld find himself in a field where the entire point is 2 b the center of attention & appraisal.
> a sense of entitlement
i think this jus' circles back 2 every other point i made...!!!! exvalk shu is control & acknowledgment hungry. he wants 2 step on n crush the skulls of every1 who is unworthy & soar thru the skies on the mechanical wings of valkyrie.. or wtv. he is intensely focused on his goal 2 the point of tunnel vision cause he fully believes himself 2 deserve the throne. no1 else can b above him. he despises 'commoners' & those below him yet who brought him all the recognition & glory? wats the expression? rest on yr laurels? dunno if 'm usin' it correctly!!!
i also hope i don' come off as dramatisin' too much. like ik marionette is literally jus' one story but i feel it dat much stronger, i guess. 4 (introject) reasons. i hope these things don' read as a huge stretch.
> interpersonally exploitive behavior
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> a lack of empathy
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> envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her
gettin' lazy. i feel like this cld jus' b self explanatory... i don' wanna go in depth into every single one 4 shu, esp cuz. ya don' need every single criteria 2 match. 4 a diagnosis. but if ya have any specific moments 4 this one feel free 2 add on 👍🏼
> a demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes
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damnation-if · 1 year
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At least D&D no longer has "five-foot step" because of course everyone teleports five feet when they minorly shift position
yeah... i think it's a natural kind of downfall of any system assigning specific numbers to things to be honest. like i get the feeling that the big focus on sizes and weights of things is due to them wanting to keep the encumbrance system where you can't carry too much stuff without it affecting your ability to do combat? which is fair enough and in my opinion a decent place to draw a line in regards to a limitation.
but unfortunately it opens the door to a lot of nitpicking, because people like me exist XD i definitely think if they'd approached it differently from a rules perspective and gone with like. common sense rules instead of a measurement system (not that that's necessarily Always a better option for gameplay systems of course) they could have saved themselves a lot of maths headaches lmfao
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everyryuujisuguro · 1 month
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robinsnest2111 · 4 months
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promised my aunt not to think about the information she revealed about my parents to me today too much
but I am only a simple creature trying to understand everything that went into me turning out the way I did
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neechees · 2 years
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Conspiracy theories are so stupid to me, even ignoring the fact (which you shouldn't) that most of them are thinly veiled or even open bigotry. Humans are literally not coordinated enough to keep secrets for thousands of years. "This conspiracy is a super ultra mega secret that has been kept for thousands of years, very few people know about but also here are big, interconnected cookie crumbs that are easy to discover and *solid evidence* that ~prove~ it's true" like what. If it were so secret & if some group who were desperate to keep it hidden, & were apparently easily in control of everything, then your video on it wouldn't be on tiktok with thousands of views & you'd be getting waterboarded for information right now (or at least by their logic, it would)
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sammygender · 4 months
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the thing thats always missing in conversations about gender in general is the fact that 'cis', as an identity, is not a innate Thing Some People Are, but rather a state of acceptance society grooms us into from birth
#im sorry but no one is inherently 'cis' bc gender is inherently not real (saying this in cool trans way not transphobe way).#being 'cis' just means you live as the gender youve been assigned. being 'genuinely' cis in a way where youre not repressing anything and#you're truly happy to be that way means you're the ideal and desired endgame of the whole gendered culture and have been successfully#groomed into accepting only half of yourself (the half that can exist in the gender role you inhabit)#Like every culture agrees that people have both 'masculine' and 'feminine' within them but on entry to the earth the vast majority of peopl#are placed within a role that rewards either 'masculine' or 'feminine' but not both. and of course everyone continues to be both but#theyve still been placed in one role.#To be honest i think we need to rid ourselves of the idea of gender as something innate even though its nice to teach to well-meaning#liberal cis people. 'born this way' dogma was a useful vehicle to pitch existence in but its unhelpful when queer people actually act like#its the whole truth and nothing but the truth.#dont get me wrong i couldnt be a girl cause i self destructed and died and that was just something within me. totally that is a thing 100%.#hashtag born this way. but just because it doesnt go that far for some people doesnt mean that theyre Innately Cis. it means they accept#their circumstance and r priviledged to be able to do so. thats what cis means#to be clear: i say being cis is the result of grooming. thats not to say that people who reject cisness are smarter or more radical#necessarily or doing the right thing. some people stay cis and push the boundaries of that role wherever possible and thats just as radical#i think in fact its more radical than trans people who ruthlessly uphold gender roles#tldr its not a moral failure to identify with ur assigned gender and to argue that would be incredibly ridiculous#but the only reason u feel identification with it at all is because of the grooming. shrug emoji.#oliver talks#gender#gender abolition#gender assignment is grooming & its violence & its awful#ted talk over#Disclaimer if anyone wants to pick a fight that i do literally identify as trans so take of that what you will
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queeranddepraved · 1 year
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Thought for a little too long about how my OCD keeps me from being able to be slutty irl... because severe aversion to bodily fluids and gag reflex and idk other issues too...
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vanishingmoments · 7 months
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i still don't know if i want to settle for an Associates or not
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