#hannibals fall fit is literally my favorite look of his

[kodaibara]

Obligatory “they survived the fall” fanart, because they did… for sure… no doubt at all….

[devouringbodies]

Hiiii I was wondering if you have a fic rec list 👉🏻👈🏻

Omg hi!!! I just went through my bookmarks and found some of my favorites!! Literally I had the hardest time narrowing down, I've got so many I love, also some I can't remember the Exact plot of that I'm sure I absolutely love and have just forgotten. So I definitely have more up my sleeve if anyone wants more. Head the tags for some of these.

The Enticement of Suffering by jonnimir - latest fic I just read, gory and sexy wound fucking coda to dolce. if you're into that it's SO GOOD

Not Quite Charity by @stranded-labyrinth - au first meeting between Will and Hannibal, hannibal leaves his car in a run down area of Baltimore and will, who's homeless, heckles him about it and Hannibal decides to pay him to watch it for him. I love this will sm!! It's a really interesting look at their dynamic, and is super in character and just a fun au study!!

Perda de memória by bleakmidwinter - amnesia!hannibal post fall fic. I'm actually a sucker for amnesia aus and love the angst in this. It adds an element to Will's struggle and decision making that makes his mindset post fall all the more interesting. And I love how much hannibal is still hannibal despite not remembering hardly anything.

Everything casts a shadow by @ghostforwhat - i looooove season 2 Will killing more people. I can't ever get enough of it. It's written so well and believably here, and the way it changes the course of the season is super fascinating. Currently a wip.

Wolf and I by t_pock - so so sooo fucking good. One of my favorites. It also has a Podfic as well and I love Podfics soo much and relisten to it often. Season 1 au that has more elements of horror, creepiness, symbolism and hands down the best, hottest, wildest forest chase sequence I've ever read. This fic feels more like a folk or fairy tale it's so good, especially paired with the beautiful art the podficer made, as well as the music they paired with the Podfic. Can't recommend this one enough.

A night off the record by barcharonte - season 1 au again, where on the way to Minnesota hannibal and will get snowed in and have to take shelter somewhere. Will is still losing time and hallucinating. Hannibal still tries to take advantage of course. Fun times to be had.

Between ease and foresight by devotional_doldrums - season 1 au (can you tell I like these? Lol) where wills and Hannibal's metaphorical conversations get a little too on the nose and Will finds out. SUPER good hannibal pov, I want to eat parts of this fic the writing is so good, and the author's notes are hilarious.

Sings to me nightly, sings to me brightly by serindrana - psychic connection phone sex what more could you want!!

The joy of creation by fkahersweetness - super dark mute!will post fall. I wouldn't say I think this is Actually how a post fall dynamic would be but in the universe of this fic it's so so sooo amazing. I love the surreality and implied shared visions/psychosis connection that will and Hannibal have here. Also the ending layed me tf out for days.

Radon and its daughters by @chaparral-crown - best most believable and realistic abo au ever. Nuff said.

Speaking of abo the one where Will smells like blood to hannibal, so good. I'll probably survive this by saintsavage

Pochée by ellopoppet - season 1 au! Also with a Podfic, Will's away on a case but is still getting closer to hannibal through texts and calls.

Mon chéri by sandyquinn - cracky Addams family au esque one shot. Just super cute and silly. I'm picky about my cute and silly but the Addams family morbidity fits comedy hannigram to a T.

Never let it starve by northern - another Will finds out in season 1, I truly can't get enough of these. Also bonus bug boy will!!!

Let the river rush in by several - Explores an actual psychic connection between the boys, again I'm a huge fan of this trope.

Hyacinth house by bluesyturtle - MY BELOVED!!!! One of my top top faves, season 1 au, cool cases, great relationship dynamic between the boys, and im obsessed with how this fic portrays Will's empathy and how it plays with his gender a bit. Love the story, love the ending. Also with Podfic!

Pattern break by thisbeautifuldrowning - dark Will au season 2 where he doesn't plot with Jack or go back to the fbi and deals with Hannibal himself. LOVE how this one plays out.

Bloodline by xzombiezkittenx - VAMPIRE AU MY LOVEEEEE this fic is an utter joy if you like vamp aus. The world building is great.

A consequence of consumption by ironlotus - straight up hands down my favorite fic in the fandom I think. It's still a wip, but it's one of the best characterizations, writing, plot, and just perfect outstanding everything I've seen in this fandom. It's an au where before all the events of season 1, Will is kidnapped by Eldon stamments and is kept alive and rescued eventually. It's peak "Will's milkshake brings all the serial killers to the yard" trope and the way everything is woven together, the storylines and character motivations, is just crazy good. Also one of my most favorite hannibal pov and characterizations out there.

Ok that was still a lot, I'm sorry if I missed tagging anyone, and hopefully the links all work!

[carmenxjulia]

Another Duane interview transcript, coming at you! This one was from a smaller Carmen Sandiego chatroom. There were several interviewers, so that’s why the name of the question asker changes. Get the details below the break! Stay tuned, more interview transcripts coming soon.

Duane Capizzi:

HI EVERYONE! I'M IN!

Sorry I'm late, I got lost on the way haha. Then got lost trying to change my PFP

Thanks for gathering! Shall we get started? Let's do some Q&A!

(as long as they are not geography questions haha)

Fuel:

What characters or plot points were cut from the final product?

Duane Capizzi:

Ooo, starting with a right hook to the jaw!

Let me think about that for a moment: I'm hesitant to give too much away because I'm really hoping we can tell more stories in this world at some point

Which is to say, we tend not to waste anything: if we don't use it when we originally planned, we usually find a way to use something later - and there's usually a "karmic" reason that we waited.

I'll also preface by saying this: I know season 3 was more of a mini-drop and some felt season 4 was rushed. But I wish EVERY season were longer. Season 1: ideally, i wanted the Pilot to be its own event and 10 more episodes after that (but we had to tell the post-Pilot story in 7. At the end of the day, that had its benefits: we got to the Shadowsan turn earlier and I think that's when a lot of viewers realized the ride they were truly in for). Season 2: we initially figured we'd need 5 episodes to have Carmen doing the ACME dance with Chief, and wound up doing it in 3 - mostly because it quickly became clear that Rio needed to be a 2 parter, and the Zack and Ivy backstory a rough 2 parter. So we squeezed 3 episodes worth of plot into 209. It was exhilarating!

So, we had hoped to have more episodes for Season 4 of course. We had a ton of ideas and had to compress things a bit. But honestly in many ways it was for the better. I know we all wanted to live in this world longer, but I think sometimes the flip side is true - when you have big ongoing storylines, it can get frustrating when some things drag out too long. But, we got all the "story" we wanted to tell in Season 4 - we just lost some "incident" if that makes sense. We would have taken longer to get there.

So, all that preface to answer the question: we wanted to do more musical numbers! We had a Bollywood dance sequence in a return to India caper with Paperstar. We wanted to do a famous Elvis suit theft in Las Vegas during an Elvis impersonator convention (Shadowsan's an early elvis guy; Brunt likes the Vegas "jumpsuit" era). We also wanted to do a thread where Gunnar gets captured by ACME so that Julia could interrogate him and he could play mind games with her a la Hannibal Lector and Clarice. CAVEAT TO ALL THIS: these were some ideas that were bouncing around, that may not have seen the light of day if we couldn't get them to work. But they were on our wish list.

re: "other stories" - I could live with these characters for another 32 episodes easily and there have of course been discussions. But alas, that is up to the powers that be. Let's keep fingers crossed - and keep the Carmen love alive online so that someone up there takes note

There is more of course, but those are some things that spring to mind.

Fuel:

Were there any scenes cut for time that were your favorite?

Duane Capizzi:

Not much springs to mind: our directors were amazing at getting everything in the scripts to fit naturally (and in fact, I was the one who was usually suggesting trims to let other things breathe, etc). We were limited to 22 minutes of episode time, NOT counting front and end credits so a little longer than the average show. We have a pretty good idea when the SCRIPT is too long, so the cutting usually happens at script stage before it gets to the board crew so that they don't waste efforts over-boarding material that won't be used.

We had hoped to build out Chase and Carmen teaming up for the first time, meeting at Carmen's hotel lobby etc for more scenes of them together; but had to reduce that to get that all to fit in the VERY packed episode 406. But again, tighter was fine considering. That's one area that leaps to mind. (note that when I say packed, I don't mean that in a bad way: we spend a lot of time pouring over details in editing to make sure everything gets its due).

If I think of anything, I'll circle back at a later point. But the simple answer is that scenes were usually trimmed or compressed at script rather than board or animatic. So nothing comes to mind. I know it's hard to believe, but "shorter is usually better."

except for my answers to fan questions of course

Fuel:

We saw that in s4 episode 6 that Julia's mother(?) is wearing a necklace remarkably similar to the one Julia wears all the time. Is this the same necklace and if so, why was it given to Julia?

Duane Capizzi:

Just when I thought I was detail oriented! Wow! You guys blow me away

I can't take credit for that: it was either the board artist or director who added that. They do slip things in! As I've said before, EVERYONE on the crew really brought their A-game and were as deep thinking and as passionate as I was/am about the show.

It's a nice detail and I would say your interpretation works!

It took me three or four reviews before noticing that the team had slipped in baby Carmen near the play set in Mom's front yard at the end of 408. When I caught it, I was like: bravo!

Fuel:

When they first met, Zack and Ivy said to Carmen that they were the only family they had, do you know what happened to the rest of Zack and Ivy's family?

Duane Capizzi:

I don't. At least, I don't yet until such a time that I might have the opportunity to explore that. It was important to their relationship with Carmen that they be orphans, so they had that common bond (aside from being "thieves who steal from bad guys" - even if it was only gonna be one time for Zack and Ivy).

I know there are writers out there who like to do entire bio's for characters up front but i'm not one of them. It could be a trap in many ways. I like to have a general idea but be open to the demands of the ongoing storyline. You discover things along the way - it's like you're taking a journey with the characters by writing them, and the longer you spend, the better you get to know them (that was not a prepared statement by the way - I just made that up but I'll have to use it again :). So in Z/I's case it wasn't important to the story or Carmen's relationship, we felt. Conversely, we STARTED with Shadowsan's family backstory with 203, but more important to me was that we use it as a platform to explain why he stays with Carmen and crew. He really has no home at that point, so it was relevant to the present ongoing story. Which is what made that especially powerful to me.

Also, there's always a push-pull between telling character back stories while balancing them with ongoing episodic plots. You have to service both. If you just tell back story, then you're writing a biography

Arden:

What was the biggest challenge when designing these characters, especially the pre-existing characters from the series in the 90's?

Duane Capizzi:

This is probably more of a question for Chromosphere, re: challenges. But from my standpoint overseeing that process, the first thing I'll say is that we weren't necessarily trying to be "true" to those characters since we reinvented nearly every one from the ground up. (with the exception of Carmen of course - her trademark red hat/coat weren't going anywhere! But mostly the update with Carmen was in the styling of her "outerwear"

ALTHOUGH: I will admit that I was pushing for Carmen to have shorter hair as Carmen. I thought it would be a cool update. Chromosphere were really passionate about giving her long full hair and I have to see that they were right. The short tomboy cut worked so well for Black Sheep anyway. We had a different hair style for each of her ages.

So about the reinventions: Gunnar is in spirit a similar character to the original (old colleague in Vile and an early mentor if I remember), but his presentation completely different. We weren't trying to be "in canon" with the original. The beauty of CSD is that every incarnation has been its own entity so that freed us to reimagine the characters. THE CLEANERS, for instance: gimme some Cleaner love! There were a pair of janitors from the original game named RICK AND NICK ICK. They were literally janitors, it was too silly for our purposes. But, it's one small step to make them "Cleaners" (in the sinister hit men sense) - and lo, our reinvention.

So to summarize the answer to your question, they weren't really challenges to me so much as FUN to creatively reinvent the original characters (many of which were from the game, so not really "characters" per se with dialogue and inner lives). Whenever we could, we tried to use character names from the originals and update their looks and personalities. Where we couldn't find an equivalent for what we needed, we created characters from whole cloth. For instance, it seemed a miss to do a heist show without a tunnel guy and a high rise climber guy. Hence, LC & ET, everyone's favorite taco truck vendors!

(yes, i've seen some short hair carmen fan art on Twitter - someone did a great one recently!)

Arden:

Are there plans to give us more of the characters in, say, novel/graphic novel form?

Duane Capizzi:

I know HMH has done a bunch and no doubt have more in works. There's currently a novelization of the Pilot with some additional material if anyone's interested. I consulted on the second one, Clue for Clue, because it falls in the timeline while Chase was still Interpol/pre-Acme so was tricky.

And depending on whether another series in this canon makes it to air, I may just approach them about writing one or two myself to get some "further adventures" our there. Anything is possible!

Arden:

If you could go back and change anything about the series, what would it be?

Duane Capizzi:

File under anecdote, but there was what I felt was an important expression on Gray that kept me awake at nights, from his graduation ceremony at Vile. When we revisited those flashbacks in the Gray arc in Season 4, I had them change his expression there (to be more evil less innocent). We had it corrected in 404 so was able to get permission to have Netflix "fix" the Pilot by adding that shot in. I am tenacious!

We really poured over everything, it's the series that I have virtually zero complaints with the end product to be honest. But the simple answer is: I would have gone back to 106 and "un-greek'd" Gray's nametag. It's sort of a rule for international that we scramble signage (which is weird for a show that takes place in many countries/languages, I know I know). It's mostly for localization/translation reasons. And I'm sure there are some countries where Gray's name might be spoken differently. But as a proper name, I think we could have made an exception and seen "Gray" on his name tag. See? Details! But that's about the worst of it

there's also like one small line from Chief in 208 where she indicates she knows Carmen is a good guy (something to that effect) which I felt was too absolute and would have tweaked the line to temper it a bit. It's tiny, but looking back it sort of bugs me and I kick myself for not catching it. But this is absolutely the series I wanted and couldn't be happier.

Carmen:

How did Carmen know she could trust Julia? As far as we know, she has not seen or heard Julia defending her, and in the Fashionista Caper, Julia even held up her gas gun to her, saying she was under arrest. Do you have any opinions on this? Was it just intuition?

Duane Capizzi:

I'm gonna go with intuition

Carmen was raised on an island with some hardened criminal types. I think she's a pretty good judge of character. Poor Julia, trying to be tough with Carmen didn't suit her.

But, great observation! I'd have to mentally step through everything to see if Carmen had any earlier indication but i think you're right there.

Yes, sometimes you just gotta follow your heart

Carmen:

Are there any characters that didn't actually interact that you think would get along well?

Duane Capizzi:

Amazing question! First, I'd have to think more about who DIDN'T meet - you're asking the hard questions haha. But "get along well" is very specific! Hmmm, care to volley anyone?

I'll also add that so many smaller moments get lost in the "binge" of it all, but I am surprised how few fans have noted the first meeting between Player and Julia. THAT was a good one IMO! Very sweet!

Before getting back to your question, I also want to add that we were originally going to find a way for Carmen to lose her earring in Stockholm so that Julia could pick it up and be communicating with Player. BUT, I cut it at treatment stage because I knew we didn't have room in that episode to service it. Circling back to questions 1 & 2, another case where it turned out better saved for later IMO (saving Player meeting Julia, not to mention the earring business in 402 with Ivy).

Oh of course, Julia and any of the other Vile members. It would have been Gunnar for my vote, as mentioned earlier. We probably would not have had Julia meet anyone else and mixed it up more. I like that Cleo sort of became J's personal nemesis.

YES, SONIA & XIFENG (and LUPE PELIGRO, if I can add). The intent was (and is, if we ever get to revisit) to see them again in Carmen's travels. We started to expand Carmen's world but when we finally learned the finite number of episodes we had to finish the story, we drilled back down into the essentials. Would love to see them some day!

I'm hesitant to share too many things I have in mind in this forum for hope that they will see the light of day one day. You know, "spoilers"

Julia:

Do you have any opinions on Zari? Just in general? Some thoughts on her backstory would be nice if possible

Duane Capizzi:

I love Zari! I really don't have any back story on her at this point. She was originally just "Agent B" but when the need arose to give story points to another agent, we chose her because she looked so awesome! And Sharon Muthu gave voice to her so wonderfully.

I love when we finally teamed her with Chase. Hopefully the anticipation was that she would give him a hard time. I love that we defied expectation (organically, of course) and had her respect him by the end of that episode (for believing that he foiled Carmen!)

Julia:

Do you have any thoughts on small facts about any character, major or minor, that you think are fun/interesting to think about, but don't necessarily add to the plot itself?

Duane Capizzi:

Bellum, like myself, likes cats. But you knew that!

I try to put everything pertinent on screen, doing double duty to service any given episode's story but also the overarching story. That "journey" thing I mentioned earlier - we had no idea Chase falling on his own car would be a thing when I first came up with it. But as other characters refer to the incident, it took on a life of its own and made the characters feel more real.

Sorta kinda related to this question and some earlier ones, I will say that I DO think there's more to learn about Shadowsan's past vis a vis Lady Dokuso: it's clear to me that they have a history together, and it's something I hope to explore someday soon (maybe in a book if not another series

Julia:

Are the Carmen Sandiego books a part of canon?

Duane Capizzi:

I only consulted on the first two or three (too busy with series!) and have not read them, so hard for me to answer in a definite way. They are definitely in the universe we've created, but not in the timeline that I know of (which would have been too hard to pull off with our script development running concurrently). But do know that the book team at HMH pays close attention to the series and world so they should be perfectly compatible. Look no further to their clever social media on the series for example.

Kenz:

We saw in season 4 that Julia and Carmen helped each other mid to long term; would there ever be a possibility that Julia would permanently or semi-permanently join team Red?

Duane Capizzi:

Of course there's a possibility. But in a sense, with ACME now finally on Carmen's side, in a sense if Carmen were back in the game Julia, Chase, Zack and Ivy would ALL be an extension of Carmen's crew. But, would J remain with ACME or literally come to Carmen's team at her HQ? As they said in an old radio show: "Only The Duane Capizzi knows ..."

Kenz:

Where do you see Carmen in her retirement (if she retires)? Do you think she would still travel the world or settle down somewhere? Similarly, do you have any thoughts on what some other characters could be doing years down the line?

Duane Capizzi:

That is a big question, and one difficult to answer without some potential future spoilers (and yes, I really want to tell more Carmen stories if you can't tell But I'll answer by giving you one "read" on our open-ended ending as seen in 408 (read no further if you haven't seen it - yeah, right haha). The ending suggests to me that Carmen settled down for a spell to forge that relationship with her mother, to make up for lost time. But, if that is indeed Carmen that we see on the rooftop, I think the ending suggests that Carmen doesn't stay still for very long. If Vile is back, there is work to be done! Carmen has a life mission - she's one determined lady.

But of course, it's deliberately ambiguous: "anyone with your heart, wisdom and courage can be Carmen Sandiego." Is it Carmen? Sonia? Someone we haven't met? I think both endings resonate: Caroline and I always said "Carmen is bigger than a person, Carmen is a movement" would be a great message to end the series on. And I think our ending resolves this chapter of Carmen's journey as a person, but also elevates her to mythic status. Which is why I love it!

And, that seems to me a pretty perfect question and answer to end our chat on. Thanks everyone! Again, I cannot tell you how moved I am to see that we have such a passionate, intelligent and talented fan base. THANK YOU.

Take care guys, thanks again for having me! 'night!

[feelsundefeated]

hi my name is poe ( they/them. 23. est ) ! and i’m very excited to be here <3 i can’t wait to write with all of you :3 this is my goblin eli and while i woke up late and don’t have a background written up or anything you can find an info dump ( plus some wanted connections ) under the cut which will hopefully give you some insight ! like this if you’d like to plot ! it’s easier to get a hold of me on d*scord : kangaroo court#6392 but ims are fine too ! :D

✼:♡*ﾟ✿ ↝  jeon jungkook . demi boy . he/they .  ／  elijah “ eli ” kang is blasting are you bored yet? by wallows again … ugh , i swear they play that song every single day ! you’d think they’d learn how to pipe down . oh , you don’t know them ? they live in apartment 4b . i haven’t talked to them much , but i know that they’re twenty three years old , and that they’ve been living in the complex for three years . i always run into them when they’re coming back home from vinny’s vinyls , and they seem really gregarious and flighty . maybe you’ll have better luck with the aries than i do .

muse info :

he’s a typical american so getting used to canadian culture is still a thing for him. he can do a pretty good accent though ( in his opinion which means it actually sucks ).

he works at vinny’s vinyls and is obsessed with music. his favorite band is wallows but he has a soft spot for all those 2000s pop punk and emo bands. if he recommends fall out boy to you at the register just go with it and act like you’ve never heard of them.

his walls are covered in various records he’s collected some albums he really loves and some he just likes the look of ( ugh posers amirite ? ).

he really loves dogs and most animals in general. if you go through his tiktok fyp it’s filled with farmers and people who take care of animals most people wouldn’t have as a pet.

he’s known pretty much all his life that he’s nonbinary like the idea of being masculine never appealed to him so he just kinda vibes with it. if you ask him he’ll say gender is a myth and he’s never understood it. he’s obsessed with being a he/they like as soon as he found out what a demi boy was he just knew it fit.

also he’s bisexual so he’s just in love and wanting to sleep with everyone KFJDSHJFSD

due to his aries nature he tends to get crushes easily then stupidly admits to them but gets over them in two weeks and ghosts them :/

he’s really bad at committing like really really bad. he’s never had a relationship last longer than three months and he tends to leave people bitter about it because he doesn’t break up with them he just disappears. if your muse hates aries then he might be why.

he loved the idea of living alone because at home he’s the youngest of five siblings and being stuck in a house ( shared bedrooms forever since as the youngest he got the short end of the stick ) with them made him crave alone time. but now he gets lonely a lot and regrets not having a roommate. so whoever he’s friends with he comes in and crashes on their couch a lot for no reason other than he wants to. so you might have to kick this bum out personally

that being said he loves his family a lot and facetimes with his parents and the siblings he can get a hold of at least once a week. they drive him nuts though but in like the best way possible.

he tends to stay up way too late and for some reason that’s when the act up urges hit so if you hear somebody else blaring at 3 am he’s fine i promise ( maybe ).

he never drinks water and suffers from constant headaches but refuses to drink it. his fridge is filled with various flavors of monster blue powerade and mountain dew. he hates the taste of coffee and alcohol ( he still drinks the latter though ).

he really likes video games so if he randomly invites your muse over to play mario kart on the switch it’s either to brag or he’s just trying to hit on you. he’s a shyguy main btw.

talk to him about video games and he’ll get lost in the convo for hours. he loves open world games the best i.e. skyrim breath of the wild red dead redemption 2. but he also likes rpgs and nintendo games.

he runs cold most of the time so he always has a hoody on.

he loves anime so talk to him about anime ( especially my hero academia ) and he has figurines of his favorite character bakugo.

he has a lot of badly done tattoos on his hand and arm just because he gets bored then goes and gets something done.

he wears five earrings in each ear and used to have them gauged but they grew back and he’s too lazy to get them done again. he also has his hair done in an undercut currently and he loves putting it up in ponytails or buns.

if you make him a playlist he’ll fall in love with you immediately.

he’s really good at binging tv shows. he rewatched hannibal in three days and gets done with most new netflix series in a day.

he’s allergic to peanut butter but sometimes he eats uncrustables to see if he’s gotten over thinking he can just build up an immunity to it.

wanted connections:

exes ( any gender. i’m really wanting multiple plots of like people that eli’s strung along and left in the dust. )

hookups / fwbs ( any gender. singular experiences or regular type things )

i haven’t decided where he’s from so hmu for childhood plots. i’m a sucker for childhood besties, first kisses and crushes.

be his infatuation of the week ( this can be multiple plots but i want eli confessing his feelings then getting over them and ghosting leaving your muse confused. i want the awkward run ins and confrontations ! )

you come into vinny’s vinyls and ask him for recs but he just goes on about how good mcr is.

you nag him to please drink some water because he’s clearly dying of dehydration.

come play mario kart with him. he’ll say he’s gonna win but more than likely he’ll lose.

you check up on him because he’s listening to fleetwood mac’s rumours at 4 in the morning and you’re wondering if he’s ok and also you just wanna sleep.

tinder date ( it can go well or not )

he’s eaten peanut butter again and you’re the one who has to drag his stupid ass to the hospital.

you’re the friend whose couch he crashes on constantly. maybe one night you’re trying to bring someone home and he won’t leave and you’re trying to nicely make him get the hint but he refuses so you have to be mean about it.

literally anything you can think of i’m probably down for it !

[kim-chann]

Hi! I’ve requested a matchup before but I reconsidered what I wrote so I hope I can request again. I’m a 5’8 trans man, I’m bi with a male pref, and I’m chubby. I love video games (esp. ACNH atm), writing, singing and drawing. I’m an INTP. I’m mostly calm and laid-back but I do get bursts of energy. I’m introverted and prefer to gather in small groups, or just one other person. I’m autistic, so physical touch and eye contact are hard for me. 1/2 👾

God, I’m so sorry that this took so long! I’ve been literally doing alot of other stuff like art, playing games, and stuff. So I hope that this is okay. Once again, I’m sorry for the wait! And since you said you requested another matchup before, I hope this is a different character that I matched you up with cause I don’t want to disappoint you lmao.

Also, please send in some platonic headcanons 👀, I really like writing those type of things. 

I match you up with...

Ichimatsu Matsuno!

I know that gloomy people with gloomy people don’t really go well with each other, but hear me out! 

Ichimatsu would feel like he can be himself around, which is a very good thing. At first, he would be tense, a bit nervous around you because you’re literally almost like him. It was almost looking into a mirror. However, as he learns more about you, the more he realizes that you’re your own person and not his twin from another mother. I hope you’re ready to deal with this mountain of this boy, 'cause you’re in for a ride!

First of all, he loves that you play Animal Crossing. Cause when you first show him your island, he immediately became too excited to whip out his own Switch and show you his. Yet, he might become a bit embarrassed because his island is lazily decorated and all his villagers are cats (and even has Raymond!). He’d let you visit his island occasionally, but would most likely prefer that he’d visit yours because he doesn’t want you to see his mess. It’s cute, really. 

Since you like writing, singing, and drawing, he’s all in for it. But don't really expect him to sing cause he’s insecure about his voice. But with a little reassurance and some time, perhaps he’ll reconsider. But for your other hobbies, he actually likes drawing the most. 

As shown in season 2, he’s quite skilled! He really adores your art style because he thinks that it’s unique and fits you well. His style is more rigid and messy, and realistic. So most of his doodles might be of cats and if you dig further deeper, you might find a drawing of you and him together with a caption that says, “My love” with a heart. It would make your heart melt.

Ichimatsu can relate that you prefer to be in small groups or with one person. Since he’s so used to hanging out with his brothers all the time and his only “friends” are cats in the alleyway, it would be a nice change of pace to be alone with someone like you. 

At first, he’d be a bit awkward, fiddling with his fingers and would not making much of a conversation unless you start it, but once as you two grow closer, he’ll start them. Usually, the conversations are so strange because this kitty boy has strange humor. He doesn’t know why, but he feels comfortable talking about whatever on his mind on walks. He makes a lot of corny jokes and secretly hopes that you laugh at them. Most of them are just plain out weird or just dirty jokes, which makes him chuckle, but tell him that he’s funny, and he’ll be thinking about your compliment the whole day. 

Your bubbly personality would remind him of Osomatsu and he enjoys that. He finds it funny how you can be so bubbly but also be gloomy/emo. He likes that because it makes him relate to you even more. It doesn’t take too much effort to please him, so the littlest things to him will make him weak on your hands. He’s at your mercy and would murder for you if you want him too. 

Speaking of murder, he relates having a keen interest in serial killers. I hope you know that Ichimatsu’s favorite serial killers from shows are Hannibal Lector and Jason. Secretly, he calls them his “role models” which earns a scary shiver down his brother's spine (but a laugh to Osomatsu). Since Ichimatsu is quite a smart boy, he may know a thing or two about psychiatry. 

Especially from all the serial killer TV shows and documents that he’s watched on TV out of boredom. So since he relates to your interest in killers, you may want to share a fact about it to him because he won’t vocally ask you. Once you share him the fact, he won’t really say much, but, “Ah, really? That’s interesting...” But on the inside. he’s like, “Yo, that’s pretty damn smart for serial killers to think that way.” Don’t be surprised if you find plans of him wanting to kill his brothers lmao.

Ichimatsu can relate that when upset, he prefers to be alone and would rather deal with his feelings instead of being with a lot of people. So when you’re upset, he’ll leave you be if you want to. But if you want him to stay with you, he’ll gladly do so, and would comb his hands through your hair in a way to comfort you as long as you’re okay with it. He wants you to be fine and wants only the best for you. Seeing you so distraught would make him panic a bit because he has looked up to you. So he’ll try his best to make your day by making you food, offering to watch your favorite movie together, or go to the park and just chill. Anything to see your smile and relaxed body would make him feel happy. 

Ichimatsu isn’t too keen on events unless they’re on his interests. Halloween is his favorite holiday, so he might be interested in a few events that are going around Akatsuka. But for years, he hasn’t really attended them because he wasn’t too comfortable going to events by himself or with his brothers. He’d be awkward and out of place even if he really likes them. 

But now that you’re in his life, he’d ask if you’d like to come with him to go to an event with him and would secretly cross his fingers because he wants you to have fun with him. If you say yes, he’ll just smile and say, “Okay.” But on the inside, he’s cheering. If you say no, he’ll be confused and then ask again, thinking that he misheard you, but once you refuse again, he’ll just hum and walk out of the door, and crumble the advertisement for the event. He’ll be sad, but he won’t hold it against you at all. 

Honestly, Ichimatsu would sometimes be caught staring at your figure sometimes because he finds your appearance enchanting. He’d deny that he was staring at you if you’d ask, excusing himself that he was just daydreaming. Ichimatsu would adore your uppercut and likes his “color” on you, despite it being half purple and blue. He still loves purple on you. If he were more honest, finding you in heels would make him fall for you even more. 

He secretly finds heels a bit hot and would love to see you in them occasionally. Sometimes, he’d be daydreaming a lot about you with a smile plastered on his face. When he catches himself doing that, he’ll immediately feel embarrassed. 

I hope you like it! I enjoyed writing this. Also, I’m gonna go x-games mode to clear my inbox. Cause damn, i’m so lazy that I can’t even write. 

[lemon-writings]

Hamish Update Pt. IV

Genre: Literary fiction // Word count: 90,385 // Status: Drafted

And this is it, folks! This is the end of this draft of Hamish!

Writing this work is always a ride, but I really think it is one of the best things I’ve written, quality-wise. Hamish is sort of a magnum opis of angst and my faux Dark Academia style. It’s also set a sort of “style setter” for the rest of my works, because I adore the introspection.

The last portion was a little rough to get through, just because it is where all the buildup is starting to pay off.

Chapter X

Epitaph: “It’s unfortunate that I fear a man, / but maybe I should / The power of life and death / are in his hands.”-Justin Banks

Another chapter, another plot-relevant confrontation with our favorite village asshole: Leon. Lady Gaga may live for the applause, but Leon lives for the drama. Look at this dude.

There’s a lot of introspection in this chapter, which at this point is to be expected. Along with the Zesty dialogue about, again, plot-relevant things, we have a lot of Horacio reflecting on his past, on his present, and on his future, asking himself how he manages to get into the situations that he does. Oh and he’s still a useless gay which, like, same.

Excerpts: 

I feel I should mention that NBC’s Hannibal, alongside being an awesome show with some great rep, thrilling plotlines, and some of the best cinematography I have ever seen in a series (literally the most aesthetically-pleasing show), is a huge inspiration for Hamish, aesthetically and character-wise. 

Where psychopaths lacked empathy, I had an abundance, overflowing and overfilling my senses until I was nothing more than other people, patched together by their best qualities and the light I saw in them. Little more than a person clothed in the feelings of others, pushing my own away for more of theirs. My sense of self was based upon that of other people.

Horacio reflects upon a sad reality: part 3,249.

Wounds inflicted by those you love run deeper than those inflicted by those you don’t.

Religion is a huge theme in Hamish. I didn’t necessarily plan for it, but it really did fit the style. Horacio’s a scholar, and like all scholars in literary fiction, he’s awfully preoccupied with Greek gods. As my friend Gremlin would say, “it’s about the imagery, sis” (a line he actually delivered me when we were analyzing a Hozier song like what). 

People do terrible things in the names of their gods.

These moments are decently brief, but they are important to Horacio’s character and his worldview.

Chapter XI

Epitaph: “in your dream, you are jealous of tragedies / and the truth is, we all want our own tragedy / because life is pale without it. / we want the teeth, the screaming, the survival / that comes with it.”-Salma Deera, “why you wanted a tragedy”, Letters from Medea

This is it! The final chapter. There’s a lot that happens here: arguments, fencing, shiny silver trays...

It’s quite a chapter. Not the strongest chapter, but the one that made me feel the most emotion while writing. I teared up a couple times, and not just because I was listening to “Stay Alive - Reprise” (though that was part of it). This chapter takes a lot out of me to write, but there’s also something so satisfying about writing that payoff. We’ve been building to this exact moment for the entire book. This payoff though. Hot dang.

Excerpts: 

Fencing is beautiful. It’s a sport I could compare more to dancing or stage fighting than other sports. It’s just so freaking elegant. I’ve never seen anything like the videos of fencing I’ve watched for this chapter. I was entranced the entire time.

It was like a long-distance waltz. Instead of arms around waists or resting on shoulders and slow, graceful circles, there were quick movements of feet, gliding backwards and forwards as if avoidance were choreography.

While this isn’t the most important line in the work, I feel like this next one is something a lot of people who see the best in others ask themselves. Horacio has a bad habit of guessing at people’s pasts, almost as though he’s trying to justify their present actions. It’s something I do when I’m not paying attention, trying to excuse someone’s actions with the thought of they’ve had it rough.

Or was I making up backstory for someone who didn’t deserve it?

Horacio’s always known that the worst monsters are not fictional creatures, but the people around him, and he’s always willing to call people out for that. That’s one thing I can really admire about Horacio: he’s aware that, in the end, everyone is a human, and that it’s the cruelty of humans that is the real horror.

Aren’t all monsters, at their core, just people? Aren’t all terrible people just people, at the end of the day? We’re all humans, working towards our own goals, doing what is best for us, and that is what will be our downfall.

Horacio has a lot more to say in the chapter, but... spoilers. 

The Jams

Especially in the last chapter, I wanted to be as sad as physically possible. Thus, I had a beautiful array of musical songs, and a little bit of Absolute Angst Bops That Never Fail to Make Me Cry.

So Big/So Small - Rachel Bay Jones, Dear Evan Hansen cast

Words Fail - Ben Platt, Dear Evan Hansen cast

Burn - Phillipa Soo, Hamilton cast

Stay Alive - Reprise - Phillipa Soo, Hamilton cast

Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story - Hamilton cast

Michael in the Bathroom - George Salazar, Be More Chill cast

Destroy Me - grandson

The Other Side of Paradise - Glass Animals

Golden - Fall Out Boy

I really can’t believe I’m done with Hamish. Whenever I finish it, I’ve noticed, I don’t feel as though I’ve done much of anything, because the writing process is so... smooth. None of my other works have this sort of smoothness to it. I guess it’s because it’s a Shakespeare rewrite, and I already have something to work with? I’m not 100% sure of the reason why, but whatever it may be, I’m really proud of this particular rewrite. Thank you to everyone who’s been supporting me throughout this rewrite! The support has been amazing!

Tag list: @aelenko​

[aparticularbandit]

Fic Writer meme!

Tagged By: @fictionpenned

Primarily focusing on fic-related fandoms - so fics I have or currently feel comfortable potentially writing fic for. ^^

...also focusing on my AO3 account and not my ff.net account because, although it has some other stuff (like the Matilda fic), it's not...being intentionally included.

Fandoms: Jane the Virgin, Deputy, Timeless, Frozen (it's been a while), OUAT (also been a while, other than Regina in LatF), Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Hannibal, Inside Out, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Harry Potter, The Tick, ODAAT, X-Files; Agent Carter (someday I might post Dottie stuff. SOMEDAY), Haunting of Hill House (primarily Theo, who was also in LatF), Proven Innocent (I've been debating a PI/Deputy crossover since before Deputy started), Off The Map (by which I mean I want to steal Ryan and use her in the massive ODAAT/JTV verse), Fairyland (debating writing Mallow fic but the fandom's tiny), uh.... There's a lot. ><

Number of Fics: 75.

Fic I Spent The Most Time On: Uh. Probably Luisa and the Fox unless you're counting series, in which case it's the soulmate timer au. (It'll probably be the HP au once it gets posted.)

Fic I Spent The Least Time On: Probably the individual chapters of either the pick up lines or kiss/fall prompts fics. Some of those I literally write a few hours before posting. But don't ask me which chapters had less time than others because for the most part I probably won't remember.

Longest Fic: A Christmas at Longbourne (but it'll probably be the HP au when it gets posted, unless finishing If You Lived Here, You'd Be Home Now is longer than those individual fics) - 73,689 words.

Shortest Fic: The Diary of Cornelia Mills (which is horrible and unfinished and please no one go read that it's bad) - 203 words.

Most Hits: Lost Causes - 1836.

Most Kudos: Lost Causes - 149.

Most Comment Threads: Kiss/Fall Prompts - 28.

Most Bookmarks: Back to Lost Causes - 29.

Total Word Count: 502,299 (and that's only posted stuff. It's...not including anything of Epic Superhero Crossover or the HP au or a good chunk of soulmate timer au).

Favorite Fic I Wrote: Luisa and the Fox. Hands down. (HP au might get close, but it's not posted yet.)

Fic You Want to Rewrite/Expand On: ...uh. There's a lot in terms of expansion, so if I just stick to rewriting...probably Geronimo - restart it, anyway, because I started it before canon addressed some things that, ah, make that no longer canon compliant. ><

Share a Bit of a WIP or Story Idea You're Planning On:

...it's been long enough, time y'all get an excerpt from HP au. Unfortunately, I can't figure out how to read more on mobile, so I'll put it at the end after I tag some peeps.

ALSO IT IS A ROUGH DRAFT I HAVEN'T EVEN SECOND WRITTEN IT YET SO IT'S ROUGH.

Tagging: @only-freakin-sunflowers, @butimnotasexyrussian, @pulitzerpanther (BECAUSE YOU'RE FINALLY WRITING AND UPDATING AGAIN)

--------------------

Clara returned to the Slytherin dormitory under the cover of the fabric, still excited by how it seemed to make her completely invisible. She saw Draco returning and followed him through the entrance, almost running into him when she noticed that he had stopped just inside the door. Since she wasn’t much taller than him, she had to walk around him to see what he was seeing.

“What are you doing up?” Draco whined, even though he sounded like he was trying to be more macho.

Across from Draco was none other than Janet, standing just in front of one of the huge, leather chairs, her arms crossed across her chest. “I could ask you the same thing.” She stepped forward, her thick black boots making a clunking sound on the cobblestone floor. It was something she must have chosen last minute; she was wearing her long, grey nightgown – the one that didn’t fit quite right, with sleeves too long for her arms that she’d pushed back to show hands that seemed tiny in comparison to the huge gown itself – instead of her normal black school clothes or her robes. “It’s past curfew. How many points did you cost us?”

“I didn’t cost us anything.” Draco started forward, pushing past Janet, his hands clenched into fists.

But Janet touched his shoulder with one hand, and he froze. She didn’t smile; she didn’t even have to look at him. Her wand flicked once as she said something under her breath.

All of a sudden, Draco was on his back on the floor in front of her, a bright red mark marring his now bare left shoulder. There was a new rip across and through his black robes, and it ripped further as he bent up on his elbows and scooted away from her. His grey eyes widened. He flinched as Janet took another step forward. “I got detention!” he said under her withering stare.

“How many points, egghead?” Janet twisted her wand, and the red mark spread beneath his robes.

Draco squirmed. “Fifty!” He gritted his teeth together, probably trying not to scream. “Fifty points, I cost us fifty points, let me go!”

Janet flicked her wand again and lowered it to her side. All at once, Draco jumped up and sped away to the boys’ rooms, holding his hand against his shoulder. She didn’t watch him go, instead letting out a deep breath and collapsing back into the chair behind her. Her other hand reached out as though to touch something next to her, but when there was nothing, she looked back up, her dark eyes wild. “Cat?”

It was then that Clara felt something butt against her right leg, and she jumped. There was a soft meow below her. She looked down to see Cat the cat staring up at her with his one, great golden green eye. He leaned back on his back legs and tapped his one front paw on her leg. He didn’t meow at her again.

Clara looked up to see Janet staring at what must, to her, look like empty space in front of him. She bent down, lifted the fabric from her head (it had a hood like a cloak), and reached her hand out from behind the fabric to scratch just between his ears. “Hey, Cat,” she said, but she was afraid. If that was how Janet treated Draco, how was she going to react to her? Good thing Cat was between them. Janet wouldn’t hurt Cat.

But immediately, Janet was there, wrapping her hands around where Clara guessed she thought the rest of her body was and leaning forward against her. As soon as she found Clara’s shoulders, though, she shoved her backwards and glared at her. “Where were you?” She might have been speaking quietly, but there was a fierce intensity to her voice that, along with the memory of what had just happened to Draco, scared Clara.

“I didn’t lose us any points, and I didn’t get detention,” Clara said quickly, taking a deep breath, her eyes searching Janet’s. “So you don’t have to hex me. I didn’t—”

[wheatbeats]

I ended up rewatching all of RWBY Volume 3 tonight (sort of by accident honestly) and, as someone who hasn’t rewatched any earlier volumes since Volume 3 finished, here are some assorted thoughts:

I remember a lot of us feeling cautious about the team switching over to Maya for Volume 4 and beyond, but looking back at Volume 3, probably the best that Poser could do, I think it was the right call. The character models, the expressive animation, the BACKGROUNDS, are all so much better now than they used to be. The look of Poser has its charm but I think overall we’re far better off with Maya.

Putting aside the inherent issues of making the only committed revolutionary fighter in the series an abusive murderous ex, the major thorn of Adam’s characterization remains his first interaction with Cinder in episode 7. The rest is decently well laid; from Blake telling the team about how someone close to her changed, to Adam’s reaction to Blake leaving during the events of the Black Trailer (also in episode 7). It’s not pretty or polished but it fits well enough, except for that one scene. It kind of shoots his whole arc in the foot. Also Adam’s voice actor has done a much better job with his nasty, creepy dialogue than he ever has with his noble freedom fighter dialogue and I think that deserves recognition.

Speaking of which as a whole episode 7 is really good the structure and pacing feels really unique for a RWBY episode. I don’t think they made another quite like it until The Lost Fable in S6.

This whole season is really good at moving its camera, and I’m tempted to lay that credit with Monty Oum. There are lots of interesting shots of characters’ legs (that sounds weird but both Cinder and Ironwood have great shots of a room framed between their feet from behind), and I still love how when Qrow is first introduced at the Crow Bar the camera wobbles drunkenly with him when he stands up. It adds a level of engagement that the animation quality might have otherwise robbed.

Speaking of Qrow, this volume is his introduction and it struck me how, even though he’s always been a bit of an immature bastard, in V3 he still very much feels like an adult, and Team RWBY very much feel like children. I’m used to V6 Qrow, who whines like a baby and is generally useless. The dynamic has shifted so much and I think that’s genuinely intentional so good job, CRWBY.

This is a bit of a nitpick but why is Ironwood the one to tell Yang that she’s disqualified after she blasts Mercury’s knee? That’d be like if I cheated at a high school track meet and Obama shows up to kick me out; Ironwood is a head of state from a different country and the headmaster of NEITHER of the schools involved in the fight. Why is he here?

It’s sort of odd watching this season lay groundwork for worldbuilding that’s already been retconned away. Ozpin’s gang leading Pyrrha through the vault for the first time really make it seem like the Maidens are the be-all end-all of magical power in the land, and that their little troupe was made solely to protect them. Now Maidens are just a small cog in the machine, shoved to the back burner in recent episodes in favor of the relics. I know that RWBY’s worldbuilding has almost always been “go off of what we told you last and forget everything before that”, but it feels oddly disconnected to see the ghost of the original plan peeking through in the earlier volumes.

Also it’s really odd seeing Ozpin on screen I kind of forgot that he used to have a body that isn’t Oscar.

There’s a bit of heartache seeing Pyrrha again, once my favorite character. Her journey in this season might still be the best season-long arc RWBY ever told, and while I still yearn for the reality where she lives and we get to see the fallout of everything she went through, her sacrifice in the finale is still one of the most genuine emotional moments in this entire series and I’ll always applaud that.

In connection to Pyrrha’s arc, this season has the Perfect amount of Jaune used in the best possible way, and I wish he could always be like this. Jaune in V3 is kinda funny, pretty brave, and very sweet and heartfelt. He and Pyrrha talking alone in episode 8 is still one of my favorite moments of the whole show. Jaune is at his best when he’s a loving and supportive friend, not a hero or a leading man, and I hope the series is finally starting to understand that.

As a whole the entire Battle of Beacon is really fucking impressive. For one thing, it’s LONG, about 45 minutes of one big conflict, and it balances the bits and pieces between Ruby vs. Torchwick, Ozpin and Pyrrha vs. Cinder, and Blake vs. Adam really well. The editing is top notch and the score is incredible, and there are some amazing moments of choreography (Ruby vs. Neo and Torchwick is still one of my favorite fights in the series). The whole thing manages to stay pretty breathless and exciting all the way through and I hope that RoosterTeeth can craft another finale this thrilling for Volume 7 and/or something later.

The end of Heroes and Monsters is harrowing, to put it simply. Seeing Pyrrha screaming in pain in the aura transfer machine, Amber being shot suddenly without warning, Blake getting stabbed, and Yang losing an arm all in quick succession is a huge fucking gut punch, made all the harsher by the music choice (that... music box style music they put on haunts my dreams, damn you Alex Abraham and Jeff Williams). 

It’s sort of refreshing to see Ruby Rose herself in such a central role this season. They got better at putting her in focus in V6 but she’s still sharing the spotlight with a solid 10-12 other major characters. In V3 Ruby spends a lot of time alone, doing important things for the plot. I kind of miss that.

Also, Ruby collapsing into tears and then numb shock when she sees Penny die? Excellent content, it breaks my heart, I wish we could see important emotional moments and reactions like that from Ruby all the time.

Torchwick is fucking incredible and I’m so salty he’s gone. He still has maybe the best vocal performance in the entire series and his monologue right before his death is my pick for the best ever string of dialogue from a series that’s historically had problems writing it. I really hope they pull a Hannibal Choi from Pacific Rim and bring him back later, if only to see how hilariously outclassed he is by the newer, bad-er villains. Normally that sort of thing would bug me from a narrative perspective but I love Torchwick so much that I’m literally begging for him to return. Please RT hear my prayer.

When it Falls is the best OP song and Divide is the best ED song of the series and you absolutely CAN fight me on this maybe I can finally put my music degree to use

[jcmorgenstern]

please rant about the second half of COLS and COHF

this ask opened pandora’s box, consume at your own peril

Basically…my biggest problems with the second half of COLS and COHF as a whole is really just…Jonathan as a character really, truly, utterly, and absolutely makes no sense on a very fundamental level. Like I really don’t say this lightly, I spent almost all of last summer trying to piece together a coherent characterization and eventually came to the conclusion that…there wasn’t one, at least that I could see.

(Readmore for length, heavy criticism of the work (obviously), and mention of canonical attempted rape).

So before I jump right in to providing evidence for that uhh slightly bold claim, I do want to acknowledge that Jonathan in COG totally makes sense, even if certain uhh incestuous aspects of his character do make my eyes roll back into my skull. To me, it always seemed a bit evident that the series was meant to end at COG, and the second half of the trilogy was sort of an ad hoc thing that happened after the series kept building popularity and there was demand from the fandom (and the publisher) for content. If taken alone, Jonathan’s character in COG is relatively self-consistent, and I’ve posted before (also at length….lol) about how Jonathan’s character in COG alone is actually a bit tragic, and it’s not until COLS that he truly makes a villainous turn off a cliff. Though the incest is, from the start, #a bit much, we all know that that’s just how CC novels go and, to some extent, ya just gotta roll with it.

The first half of COLS continues to be pretty exciting from a Sebastian Enthusiast perspective–in fact, for me, it’s really what made me fall in love/hate with the character and his portrayal to begin with. And some of the character work in the first half of COLS is actually pretty good!! We have the moral ambiguity of the Jace/Seb bond, Clary being unable to tell to what degree Sebastian in lying, the slightly random, wild, and jumbled snips of his character coming through (vampire threesome, vampire fetish, wearing Jace’s cologne??, fashion whore, messy bitch, shitty poetry writer?? it’s all free real estate) and then he lays out what could have been such an interesting plot!!

All the mentions of the increasing number of demons coming through to Earth is finally being used after being mentioned ad nausea for three whole books!! We’re set up for an interesting, shades of grey antagonist who thinks the ends justify the means and that sometimes a Wee Murder is needed to end an unjust regime (the Clave) without realizing that removing the Clave violently without any real and just alternative will create a power vacuum that invites even worse outcomes!! And the protagonists have to navigate slightly more complex moral issues than “genocide is bad, really!!”

And then…er, no. Like, really no. The entire book does a complete 180 and says no, all that (questionable) character development was a complete lie, all the human motivations you could possibly ascribe to the villain are bunk, he just wants to destroy the world. And not only that, he tries to rape Clary and….yeah no. (I’ll talk more about that later…I have a lot to say).

And for me that was really a massive disappointment. Like, to be clear: it wasn’t that I wanted Jonathan to be a pure uwu soft boi who did nothing wrong ™, or that he would be anything other than an antagonist. But like….a) rape. no. and b) I did sort of want his motivations OR his goal to sort of make sense and follow any sort of reason but honestly…they don’t.

The rationale CC tries to offer is that Jonathan doesn’t understand the meaning of love and wants to bend the world to his will so that it will love him instead. And like….that works to an extent, but then she also very clumsily attempts to make him a psychopath and…

Look.

If you’ve followed my blog for a while you know my feelings on poorly-written psychopath characters but…I’m gonna be real honest with ya here….a true psychopath is, with a very few fine exceptions like the entire population of high-security prisons, super fucking boring. They’re emotionally shallow, both internally and externally, and are usually driven by very grounded and unemotional goals. Winning a promotion. Attaining a position of power. Becoming a neurosurgeon. Having the best lawn in the zip code. “The psychopath next door” isn’t Hannibal Lecter, it’s your shitty boss or that one prick who calls the HOA on you for having your lawn one (1) millimeter over regulation.

And you know what? I’d take a story about Hannibal Lecter, lawn fascist. I’d maybe even take a story about Jonathan Morgenstern, shitty CEO, though honestly that sounds dangerously close to 50SOG so maybe not. Because if written well, the sensational serial-killer psychopath can be genuinely thrilling in fiction.

But honestly in this case?? It doesn’t work. Not even getting into the issue of “are signs and symptoms of psychopathy diagnostic in a child soldier” issue (pro tip: almost definitely not), why does he want to burn down the world? Why does he want to kill downworlders if he is basically one? How does he react to his father’s ideology? Does he even have a consistent ideology? Why doesn’t he stay at home playing Mario Kart?? If you can’t answer any of these questions, psychopath or no, anything he does is literally just not convincing and falls flat.

And now I’m going to segue into my “demon blood as a metaphor for child abuse” rant, which will hopefully segue into my “the demon army and ending of COHF is bullshit” rant, and maybe round it all up with my “you don’t have to have your villain graphically try to rape his sister to convince your audience of teenagers he’s a Bad Dude” rant.

So! Demon blood. So full disclosure, the scene in question is probably my actual favorite scene in COLS and the series at large, god knows why really, but it was actually pretty well-written as a hook for a thread that was totally dropped and never ever ever mentioned again. I’m talking about the scene where Jonathan asks Clary for a strength rune, and he tells her Valentine whipped him as a child with demon metal. His wounds will never heal, and serve as a reminder of the “perils of obedience” which is, quite possibly, the most chilling and interesting turn of phrase in the entire series.

And if you think about it, “wounds that will never heal but hurt constantly” are a pretty canny metaphor for the emotional abuse that shapes Jonathan and his ability (or lack thereof) to relate to others. Valentine never particularly loved or even cared for Jonathan, and used him as a child solider (drop me another ask if you want to know the rationale behind that one, kind of not a lot of space for that here) in his genocidal crusade, complete with brainwashing and pretty obvious physical and emotional abuse. That stays with him, twists the way he views love and truth, and leaves him with a permanently negative view of self and worldview that he doesn’t seem to put much effort into overcoming. To be clear: being abused doesn’t make you evil. But in the absence of love and support and positive role models to help you unlearn things, anger and pain can twist even good motives into bad actions, and lbr, Jonathan doesn’t have an over-abundance of good motives. The real peril of obedience is never questioning what you’re told.

But of course it’s never mentioned again, so like, fuck me or whatever.

The show does a better job of it, and almost directly links Jonathan being Like That to what Valentine, Jocelyn, and Lilith did to him and…does a pretty good job of not woobifying him or dismissing his pain. Him having demon blood is almost completely uncoupled from him being “evil” (or, more accurately, doing evil or cruel things) and is instead his responsibility. What makes him “incapable of love” is that he was never shown love, and what makes him violent and cruel is that he was only ever taught violence and cruelty.

But in the books demon blood is definitely intended a metaphor for psychopathy. “He had the humanity burned out of him because of his demon blood” “he’s incapable of love because of his demon blood”…you get the picture. But considering she honestly doesn’t really hit psychopathy and (to me) pings in more at ASPD (antisocial personality disorder, the DSM-V approved version of psychopathy, with some MAJOR and important differences in diagnostic criteria) or NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), I sort of…don’t like how demon blood is directly used as a metaphor for mental illness. And once the demon blood is gone…poof! so is his “evil” so uhh yall read between the lines with me on that one.

(If you want a rant on why I think book Jonathan fits better with ASPD or NPD than psychopathy, drop me an ask, but god please consider the consequences. Also, I generally don’t feel comfortable “”diagnosing”” villains for the hell of it, but in this case since the canon itself has already Gone There and I’d be operating mostly off the DSM, I’d feel slightly less shitty about it).

Anyway. So what I deeply, passionately, truly hate about COHF is the ending, when the demon blood is burned out of Poor Green-Eyed Jonathan and There Is Not Enough Good In Him So He McFucking Dies. What fucking enrages me about this is like…the ENTIRE series is about how “blood doesn’t equal morality” EXCEPT in the case of this one guy apparently because fuck him and fuck consistency!! Also on a slightly different tack it completely erases all culpability of him as a person and like….what, “the demon blood made me do it” is now a viable excuse?? what the fuck. no. what the fuck. also what does “not enough good in him” even MEAN in the context of someone who LITERALLY DESCENDED HIS MOTHER’S BIRTH CANAL THAT WAY oh my god its??? so fucking stupid and the philosophical implications ENRaGE me especially like.,,,as a geneticist….we kind of had a wee run-in with that kind of thinking….it was called “eugenics” you may have heard of it….G OD !!!

Also that doesn’t even get into the contradictory nature of Jonathan’s actual characterization (I use the term loosely) itself like…sometimes his dialogue reads almost like Jace’s, but by the end of COHF he literally quotes Jesus Christ (render unto Caesar’s what is Caesar’s), says “FOOLS!!11!!1!” like….literally once a page, I think at some point dips into vaguely Shakespearean English while violently whiplashing into whatever “ ‘You’re insane,’ said Simon. ‘You’re dead,’ said Sebastian” is?? and is overall an editor’s literal worst nightmare. There is NOTHING driving this character other than pure, unrestrained literary chaos, and absolutely nothing he does or says seems to make a hell of a lot of sense and is designed purely #4 the evulz. It’s just so painfully cartoonish that it physically pains me to read it and yet, here I am, holding the physical (hardback) copy that I own, reading it, and physically shuddering jesus CHRIST

(You did uh, definitely ask for a rant, right?)

OH yeah uhh and to round it all off…the “you don’t have to have your villain graphically try to rape his sister to convince your audience of teenagers he’s a Bad Dude” rant:

Look my friends there’s nothing wrong with Clebastian but there is definitely something wrong with rape and lbr: there’s a lot of it written into this character and his relationship with his SISTER and fuckign thanks!! I absolutely hate it. Apparently, when asked why she chose to include the graphic attempted rape scene in COLS, CC apparently said she “wanted to make sure the audience knew he was beyond saving.”

Look.

Look.

When a guy builds a demon army to obliterate the world and everyone in it, I generally get bad vibes. Worse vibes, in fact, than from a guy who tried to rape his sister, though that’s pretty fuCKING bad. The point is, there is absolutely no fucking reason to do that. Seriously, there’s not. And when your entire NYT bestselling fanfic series is based on the incest fetish HP fanfiction, it’s?? proBABly not the best idea to like…include an attempted rape scene between two siblings in a work that already has a lot of UST between presumed or actual siblings because people WILL talk and.,,,can u blame them lol

On a more serious note…female protagonists are so often forced to undergo rape or sexual humiliation as part of a narrative (or worse, for titillation of the viewers–looking at you, GOT and also yeah lbr COLS). Even in the show, which has definitely improved on some weaknesses in the original narrative, Clary is nearly raped by a demon in order to awaken her rune powers. That’s disgusting, honestly, and unnecessary, and you know what? Luke Skywalker didn’t have to face a rape threat to get his powers, and neither should a female counterpart. The show didn’t even ADDRESS this later, or even bring it up at all, and that’s even more upsetting, and part of why I don’t have faith in the WR to bring the concept of a Jonathan-Clary bond in 3b to life in a way that doesn’t make me want to curl up into my epidermis like a chrysalis and never emerge again. (See also: Lilith’s unaddressed sexual assault of Jace, and Camille’s equally unaddressed assault of Simon).

And what bothers me almost more than all this is…it’s not like Jonathan’s creepiness is subtle. He constantly invades Clary’s personal space, makes comments she’s uncomfortable with, puts her in situations she doesn’t like. You could leave it there and I guarantee most of your readership (especially your female/female-aligned readers) will INSTANTLY pick up on the fact that this guy is Bad News and you know what?? Clary isn’t subjected to that bs for….the heck of it?? Not that subtlety is ever the strong point of this series but like…that’s a huge glaring issue and one I can never overlook, and why I’ve honestly chosen to basically Ignore Canon And Do Whatever The Fuck I Want.

In summary: Jonathan was basically shoed in as a) a half-assed foil to Jace and b) a plot device/fix and c) fodder for more incest after Jace and Clary were no longer brother and sister and tbh?? Not entirely here for it.

tldr: jonathan morgenstern is a dumb bitch and no one is valid, more at 9.

[chokememrstark]

Tag Game

@little-boyking tagged me and I cannot miss this opportunity ^^ Thank you ♥

RULES: You must answer the questions below about the last ship that you read/wrote about, regardless of whether or not you like this ship, then tag anyone you want (must have more than five people).

I guess you know where this goes: Samifer all the way!!

1. What domestic thing are they most guilty of?

You know the look you give someone you absolutely adore when they don’t pay attention? That content and warm smile, with eyes full of love and the little sigh that follows? Yeah, that happens pretty regularly. And Lucifer playing with Sam’s hair while Sam lays on his lap and works or reads. He doesn’t even notice that he does it, it’s a natural thing for him.

2. Who is enabler in the relationship? (eg: “I shouldn’t eat the cake.” “Eat the damn cake. You know you wanna.” “Damn, you’re right.”)

Lucifer, duh. He’s always here for some enabling.

3. What is their song?

Snuff - Slipknot (fucking fight me on this, I dare you)

4. In a battle, would they fight back-to-back, or sporadically, watching out for each other?

They would fight back to back if necessary, but usually Lucifer is the one charging into battle when there’s the slightest possibility of Sam getting hurt. Sam often has to hold Lucifer back to not unleash hell.

5. In death fics, which person is the one that usually dies/you choose to kill off?

I try to keep it balanced, so I kill them off both regularly xD

6. What would a reverse verse look like?

Fuck I forgot this, okay. Sorry.

Reverse!Verse would actually be not with Sam being an angel in my eyes, but the actual, literal Devil - the most evil Boyking you can imagine, complete with horns and tail. And Lucifer would be a hunter, trying to stop the Devil from destroying humanity. Sam agrees to leave Lucifer’s beloved humans alone under one condition, a sacrifice. And said sacrifice has to be made willingly and without hesitation, the biggest of them all: Lucifer’s life and soul. In the end, Lucifer decides to give up just that to save the world, but by then Sam has found a liking in the human and decides that he would rather want him by his side than dead, so Lucifer ends up in hell with the Devil.

The end XD

7. If you had to put them into any other fandom of yours, which would it be and how would it work out for them?

I’m torn between Hannibal and DC (because Joker!Lucifer and Harley!Sam is my guiltiest pleasure), but I think I would go with Hannibal. Lucifer would make for a perfect Hannibal and Sam would be a great Will - I mean, psychological seducing and Sam with dogs? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP!!!

8. Are they the “touchy-feely” couple or the “witty, sometimes insulting banter” couple?

They are witty as hell and regularly fall into insulting banter to tease the other. It can sound like they hate each other to outsiders, but they know better.

9. Would they want marriage? Kids? Or are they more comfortable without those things?

They are more comfortable without those things, mainly because they do not fit into their life and having kids would simply be too dangerous for them. That does not mean, however, that they wouldn’t have them when all this danger would be gone.

10. What are most of their dates like?

They don’t do ‘dates’ on a regular basis, but sometimes Lucifer will take Sam to a place he thinks the human might like just so they can get away from everything. They could be considered dates in a way, but they never admit that they are.

11. Do they have a secret language? Inside jokes?

Not a secret language, but some inside jokes do exist. Mostly ending with one of them rolling their eyes and shooting the other a warning glare.

12. What do their morning routines look like? Are they harmonious? Do they fight each other for space? Do they help each other get ready?

Sam always gets up first, makes coffee and then spends a good amount of time trying to wake Lucifer up. This often ends up with him being pulled back into the bed and fighting to get out of Lucifer’s grip. Lucifer is usually not a morning person and unless he got his morning cuddles he needs two or three coffees before it’s safe to even talk to him. One time Dean got witty before his first coffee and Lucifer zapped him to the North Pole. Dean didn’t do it again.

13. Assuming that some family members are alive (related or no), how did each family react to the couple?

Dean wasn’t very fond of their relationship and it took him a long time to stop accusing Sam of having lost his mind. Castiel was a bit less reserved, but quickly adapted to Lucifer being around Sam as he was much more calm now and they had a lot less arguments and problems this way.

14. What is your favorite AU for them?

Evil!Sam / Boyking!Sam AU, without a doubt. Followed right by general human!AU, but you cannot take away my boyking from me, especially combined with Samifer xD

15. Finally, what trope works better for the couple as they are in canon?

Unrequited Love, probably. Only taking into consideration s5 & s7 for this, as it just gets too awful later, but it fits them best, especially considering the shift of emotions and loss involved. That’s my shit right there.

I have no idea who to tag, but if you wanna do this please let me know XD

[lotrewrite]

8/19 Chat Recap

Same as the previous recap - I'm mostly keeping the comments intact! Putting the more fun/general stuff above the cut:

SNEAK PEEK of the COLORED tarot cards: https://www.dropbox.com/sh/jq1lm3nd64sx9d3/AAC5qUDB6EvTK28tqE1zffExa?dl=0

Playlist: I think we really need an official playlist for this? There's no depression in new zealand, yo ho, come on eileen, istanbul not constantinople...POC crossed with AC Black Flag music...XD Backstreet boys in the 90s! ep. 13 playlist has to be mercedes sosa; argentinian singer who had to go into exile during the dictatorship. I’m Henry the Eight I Am for the Tudor episode, plus Pastime With Good Company someone should make a playlist for all the episodes maybe when we're posting the episodes I'll make a music suggestion post each day :) that way people can suggest songs based on the final version

INTROS:

We should try to split them up semi-evenly, but also depending on who the episode focuses on.

1 – Mick?

2 – [Ray] [proposed]

3 – [Nate] [proposed]

4 – Sara

5 – Jax

6 – Lisa

7 – [Stein] [proposed]

8 – Rip

9 – Mick

10 – Amaya

11 – Jax

12 – Gideon

13 – Len

14 – Sara

15 – Stein

16 – Hosts

17 – [Ray] [proposed]

18 – Amaya

19 – Mick

20 – [Legion] [proposed]

21 – [Legion OR Sara]

22 - Len

Thoughts? There's only one Ray one so far, despite him having several Ray-centric episodes. Not sure what we would switch, though!

General Points:

can O!Len change his clothes? He had a beer from somewhere in ep6 I think, so can he have objects? i think it'd make more sense if he's 'full ghost' so to speak; I think he can't change his clothes or interact with objects until later in the season. As much as I'd love for more dress-up for Len, I think he works best as a ghost

Interesting consistency note: Because Anne gave away the spear piece, her life went to hell. That is a terrifying but wonderful thought. we have something similar with Ching and her history, because she also suffers defeats after her spear piece is gone And technichally the ship in new zealand sinks after they take the piece, too They could have had a chance to change their fates but they lost/gave away the spear pieces and thus couldn't

Stephanie Fisher - we should at the very least give her a shout-out for all her wonderful comments. I vote we give Stephanie some kind of award, not just for the comments, but for ALWAYS catching Damien Darhk's name and correcting it!!!!!

just generally, I really love the snarky Gideon we have. And Jax. I love Jax so much this season. and I even like Stein again! I wasn't a big fan of Ray, but I think we've managed to redeem him as well and Sara is actually the badass captain we wanted her to be

Sara's journey is soooo good. Ray here is isolated, but not so terribly self centered like he was on the show. Like, as the season goes, he goes from being traumatized and lonely, to struggling with his identity, to accepting his identity and...I guess, growing more comfortable with himself and others??

Oh, question: Does Gideon still call Rip Captain Hunter and Sara Ms Lance? Or Mr Hunter and Captain Lance now? I think I went with both of them being called Captain

MaryWisdom might just do a German translation; DaughterOfScotland can help

just checking, we're all having Queen Bee use the amulet for her powers, right? Yes

Episode 9 Turncoat was my favorite canon ep and I feel like it only got better Jax and Amaya were so much better here than canon's "cuddle for warmth pwp" I feel like the rat sequence in ep 9 is actually a really great lead-up to episode 10 btw since we're talking about Ray, I really hope somebody makes one of those little things that fly across your screen with Ray and his rocket boot, and maybe the poor rat too XD

Episode 10 Because ep 10 was /also/ AMAZING that intro sequence was gold from start to finish There was so much world-building, character-building, and humor I really liked the villain sequences too There's some great exchanges there! The interactions were really in character! Oh, and the Amaya sequences with the British? PERFECT I love how Amaya continues to question her own knowledge and keeps evolving it was just such a fun ride honestly I think the lead up to Ray using the cold gun worked too? Oculus!Len giving it the tacit OK was such a balm Len is SO BORED he just wants to see Ray totally fail and laugh and Ray screwing up just worked so well as symbolism for his identity struggles also, I am so sad this isn't actually visual/audio because now I want someone to put together a short clip with the Waverider flying away, then pan down to a ship and you hear the "yo ho" song

Episode 11 I'm a bit bummed we haven't been able to fit in Stein singing, but I'll look over it again and maybe we can find a spot Maybe we could get that into episode 11? I've had there's no depression in new zealand stuck in my head for almost two days now btw episode 11, any more comments, or should we go back to it next week once people have had a chance to look it over? prob the best to look at it again tbh

Episode 12 OH MY GOD 12!!! THE TERROR! it was so good KAKO YOU MADE ME SCREAM literally, my phone rang during the Mick scene and I legit screamed the way you worked in the movie references so organically was genius THE LEN REVEAL WAS PERFECT was the ending scene of 12 okay? the scene with Mick and Sara I liked it a lot that was beautiful I knew I was gonna love this episode the moment it was pitched, but you exceeded all my expectations <3 so well done it's perfect That episode is definitely going to turn heads. It is very different compared to the rest and will stand out! perfect for the mid-season finale Is there a way we can make it a real mid-season finale? aka not post for aday or two afterwards? Well, if we start posting on the 1st and it's 22 episodes, with a month of 30 days... if we started on Sept 4 and posted every day, I think we'd end up with it falling on a weekend Sept 4, posting every day, would make 12 fall on a Friday We could then restart the next Monday

Episode 13 I LOVE THE INTRO I like the "did you learn that in school?" mention. Because the history classes suck yes that is a GREAT cold open the episode was really powerful also, the umbrella scenes were hilarious it really was, the tension followed throughout and was quite perfectly cut through with the UTTERLY FLAWLESS umbrella scenes Also, bitching Legion. This is great, seeing as we want them to implode also: the Len and Gideon scene <3 basically everything was fantastic i know we need to add the rip intro scene, but is there anything else you think we should work on? there were a few suggestions, but those are already in the google doc - overall I think it was an incredible episode, and you guys should be proud - you dealt with a really heavy topic really well Quick question to eisode 13... the Spanish they all got the pill, but we kind of wanted to show the other side of it, like what it sounded like to the woman at the bakery Like the Legends go into the bakery - then we see the woman working inside and it's from HER perspective, and there's spanish dialogue and then it switches to english and we're back to the Legends POV If you wanted it from the woman's POV, maybe start the scene with the woman? as in, she's working inside the register, and then some guys come in and buy stuff and then stay with her a second as they walk out and she's kinda wondering what's up, then shrugs and goes back to work then we jump back to the Legends talking in English she picks up on Mick being distracted by something that's not there i keep craving churros every time I look at this episode I loved how you guys mixed in the light-hearted scenes in with all the heavy stuff yeah it was really well balanced RIP EXITS, PURSUED BY MICK!!!

Episode 14 Sara saves the timeline with a threesome XD nuff said LOVED the bit where Amaya realises that Sara is dancing with the King! So fitting, too, because of my episode following with all the Shakespeare :D I think... I think I didn't actually mentioned an abberation? Just the spear piece rip found there Alternatively Rip is using his Time Master skills to find a piece before it ever causes an abberation That was what I was going for. He finds it, or thinks he did ooh. i like that. but if it is that then i don't think you should mention the witchcraft rumors The rumors that she bewitched Henry had been around for a long time already. Thy say that tht's the reason he left his wife and Rip thinks it's related to the spear piece but it's just generally people being shit can I just say, I really loved all the scenes with Amaya and Jax? seconded My only thing to add is, and I think I mentioned that in the comments, that it would be great if you could fit the Legion in somewhere Yeah, I agree with you. I'll put it in that they arrive late and Len is like "I got this", I think Before I forget: can I suggest Sara to narrate the intro? the last one she did was ep4

Episode 15 basically Kendra's Old West incarnation and the New York Riots incarnaton exist at the same time OW!Kendra doesn't have a name, so she *could* be Josephine from the NYR 8 years prior and that would make that Carter Hannibal  but then her Carter should be named Hannibal, not Shay :( his name could be Hannibal and then he goes by Shay Or he could've changed his name when they moved out west due to being wanted under his old name Just... don't explain it. Leave it for the reader to figure out. And wonder :P (for what it's worth, I thought 15 was delightful and SO GOOD at actually USING history the way a time travel story should) More next week

Episode 19 I could knight Ystina! that would be AWESOME!

[theworstbob]

the thing journal, 4.9.2017

scattered thoughts on the things i took in over the last seven days. this week: hannibal s3, bad cop/bad cop, the lobster, netflix teen mystery drama (yeah i’m not gonna type the name out, i ain’t finna deal with a fandom), joey bada$$, the big nowhere, win it all

1) Hannibal, season three: Boy, we sure did spend half the season stumbling aimlessly around Italy, didn't we? No no no, give me another abstract montage with fun camera tricks and eight layers of symbolism, Mr. Neftali, I was gonna say, it's been a few scenes since we've had a montage, when are you gonna deliver another one? FUCK IT! THERE AIN'T GONNA BE A SEASON FOUR! INDULGE ALL YOUR WORST IMPULSES! The show picked up once it got to the Red Dragon plot, and one would have to imagine that is due to the fact of, um, the plot existing at that point?, but I think this show took these characters about as far as they could go. This was a good place for it to end. I'm not sure how far they could have gone having everyone speak to Hannibal through a wall for 13 episodes (it was starting to get tired even after a few episodes here). I did enjoy the Red Dragon episodes, that was the Hannibal I loved in the first two seasons, and it built well toward the ultimate ending (or penultimate ending, yay post-credits sequence, do set up that fourth season, no no no definitely gonna happen). Not Hannibal at its best, but close enough and still good enough when it was On that it I'm still OK calling Hannibal one of my favorite series of all time.

2) Not Sorry, by Bad Cop/Bad Cop: I DERIVED VALUE FROM A DIVE INTO YOUTUBE COMMENTS I went into the comments under a Bombpops song just to see what they were like, and they weren't... as bad as I expected? Not good, but at least not explicitly hateful. But someone in the comments mentioned this band, and I was intrigued enough by the name to check 'em out. (I check out new-to-me bands if they're recommended by a trusted source or if they have a dope name.) And that YouTube comment was right, this album fucking rules. "Cheers" is another item in the long list of things I love named Cheers, the closer is superb, and just, there's so much punk/rock goodness, and I can't believe I heard about them via a fucking YouTube comment.

3) The Lobster, by Yorgos Lanthimos: yoooooooooooooooo My chief disagreement with this film is that it's sort of a waste of a fantastical premise. Maybe I'm just spoiled by BoJack Horseman, but I think the premise that single people are turned into animals was mostly wasted, didn't provide for any interesting background jokes, didn't create moral dilemmas when the woman asked the dude to catch rabbits, was barely even a concern through the second half of the film. It only sticks out because so much of the rest of the film was executed superbly. I loved where the film took the main part of the premise (you have to find a mate, you have to share one defining characteristic with that mate; on the outskirts of civilization are Loners). The dialogue is so stilted and unnatural and performed in a highly mannered way, and once you get to the Loners and there's this woman speaking freely and naturally, it really adds to The Leader's power (and that's such a fucking cool performance, too, on its own), and it makes it more pronounced that the dude and the woman never quite break from their practiced way of talking, never quite breaking from the society that instructs, "This is what love is. Loneliness is dangerous." It's also some of the bleakest comedy you'll ever see. It's an odd fit for John C. Reilly's big ol' heart, but he makes it work as he always does, and MY GOSH THE HEARTLESS WOMAN. I WANT A WHOLE MOVIE ABOUT WHAT THE HEARTLESS WOMAN GOT UP TO BEFORE COLIN FARRELL CAME ALONG.

4) Netflix Teen Mystery Drama, s1, cr. Brian Yorkey: So, one good thing, I loved how the show delineated Today from Yesterday, making Today cold and Yesterday warm. It's a simple thing they did, but it gave the show a distinct look and let them do some neat visual stuff with the flashback structure, like I'm not sure I stick with this show if it weren't such a cool thing to look at. Because fucking yeesh. This is a show about stupid people who keep secrets. Literally the entire show doesn't exist if any character told the truth to anyone else in this show at any point. Half of this show is one character saying to another, "I can't tell you that yet" or "I'm not at liberty to discuss that" or "You'll have to find out for yourself" or "This stays between us." I'm hesitant to say it's bad writing, these are TV professionals and I’m a yutz with a blog, but I found it highly disagreeable. And that sucks that the show was written like this, because there's something great about this idea of how kids hurt each other without realizing what they're doing because they’re idiots who don’t know how to be people. I thought it was fascinating that, as these horrible things were happening to the main girl, they kept cutting to the main dude being on the margins, observing the events but not doing anything helpful, and if the show had a tighter focus and could have followed that arrow more closely, it would have been so much better for it. I know this was based on a novel, and while I will likely not read the novel, I have to imagine the novel is better, because the novel doesn't have to fill 13 hours of television with All The Things ALL THE THINGS and pad itself out by having people lie to each other until it is time to make the revelation ("Why can't you tell me now?" "Because you have to wait." "For what?" "Episode nine." Like if you won't be real with each other at least be real with me), and it can be about just The One Thing. That sounds so much better than this show, which feels overstuffed and, I just, I have to ask, season one? Season one. Are you kidding me. How are you going to find 13 more hours in this universe, about these people. Like, I'm good. It's like Broadchurch, I will respect that there's other seasons, but I think y'all did what you came to do in the one. Honestly, between this and the American Psycho musical, I have no idea how Next to Normal is so good. (Compliment sandwich! The main girl was a really cool character, and it was so easy to imagine this being a show about Natalie from N2N in an alternate timeline. Also, I kept count, the exchange "Hey." "Hey." appears in this show four times.) Wow that was hella paragraph for something I wasn't keen on.

5) ALL-AMERIKKKAN BADA$$, by JOEY BADA$$: Hey. White man, here, trying to offer critical assessment of an album called ALL-AMERIKKKAN BADA$$. ...Maybe it's not my place. I mean, it's not really my place to offer criticism on, um, anything, but ESPECIALLY an album about what it's like to be black in America, and not just the Trump America (though he's not happy about that, either), but in an America that has always hated black people, Trump only making that subtext text. I kept thinking "break-up album with America," but that sounds reductive, as did "To Pimp a Butterfly with mainstream ambitions," and while I don't wanna reduce this, I DO still want to say those things. It's good stuff. That's all I can say, really. (Also, there’s a spate of pop artists trying to get by with all-caps names or song titles. This absolutely earns the ability to slam that Caps Lock key. You hear this shit, PARTYNEXTDOOR? This is all-caps music.)

6) The Big Nowhere, by James Ellroy: One good thing about The Thing Journal is that I have an excuse to read physical books on the bus AND read all the books my dad has been giving me for Christmas the past few years! I'll cop (ha!) to not being overly invested in the plot. Oh, boy, a story about a serial killer who's into some weird sex stuff, that's new to me, no tell me about the perverted twist that made the killer what he is, oh wow so fucked up. What I really loved this book was the realistic version of Los Angeles in the 1950s, what with the cops walking around spouting racial slurs as people do heaven and hide their homosexuality. We always get caught up in the notion that the '50s were a more innocent time, our nation is currently being run by people who want us to take us back in time, but like people were doing fuckin' heroin in the '50s. The '50s were shitty, too. I found spending time in this version of Los Angeles valuable. It's a gritty cop drama, sure, but it more than earns its grit. This has been Bob! Attempts To Review a 30-Year-Old Novel Set 60 Years in the Past!

7) Win It All, dir. Joe Swanberg: So one of my favorite lyrics of all time, I can't remember if I've brought this up here or elsewhere but I'm prolly gonna bring it up again, is from Frank Turner's "Recovery:" "Broken people can get better if they really want to/At least, that's what I have to tell myself if I am hoping to/Survive." While only having seen two of his works, this and Drinking Buddies, I feel comfortable saying Joe Swanberg has a deft handle on depicting the person from that lyric in film. My initial impression was that the film didn't do enough to prove the main character deserved redemption (minor spoiler, insofar as this film has a plot, but he does sort of spend the entire film lying to the woman he's falling in love with), but the more I've thought about it, the more I'm thinking, who am I to decide who deserves redemption? He's trying. At no point in his life has he not been trying. He is aware he has made bad choices, and he is keenly aware of his flaws. (His reaction to the contents of the bag is priceless. Jake Johnson is a treasure.) If he makes an honest effort, why shouldn't he get better? No one deserves to be broken, either.