#hate that the coho is here :(

[stuckinapril]

as much as i love hating on coho i do think there are better books in the world and so much joy to spread. so here are some i’ve loved recently :)

hijab butch blues by lamya h - this is a memoir from a muslim lesbian who’s an immigrant and i think it is just so so beautifully written and poignant and really made me appreciate community so much

martyr! by kaveh akbar - will be surprised if you haven’t seen this one around but tbh worth the hype. books that you can tell were written by a poet in the best way possible

the daevabad trilogy - high fantasy originally set in 18th (?) century cairo and then a magical city of djinn, the main character nahri is a suspiciously good con woman who later finds out she is part djinn and also part of a famous healing family. very good

as long as grass grows - nonfiction! im currently reading this and its very good, it discusses indigeneity (w a focus on north america i believe) and the environmentalism movement

there are so many beautiful and true books in the world… 🫶🫶 lots of love

omg anon these sound so so good!!! Thank u so much my love I can’t wait to dig in

[misstwisted]

rant time

I hate romance booktok so much it’s literally making me wanna eat myself whole. WHY WHY WHY IS EVERY BOOK REC EITHER THE MOST BORING LITERATURE EVER WRITTEN OR AUTHORS MAKING THE MOST STALE PLOTS WITH NO SUBSTANCE JUST TO WRITE OUT THEIR DEGENERATE ABUSE FANTASIES THEIR PARTNERS WONT ACT OUT ON THEM?

Oh I know, because it makes money and these authors don’t actually care about writing good stories with characters people will care about. They wanna jerk off and get paid while doing it.

And yes yes I know not every book is like that but it FEELS like it is because that’s all that get fucking popular which shows how melted these peoples heads are. Name one popular booktok book I can guaranteed there’s something terrible in it that people disguise as romantic. Also most of these romance authors are just straight up terrible people that will always have a army of horny middle aged women defending them. Penelope Douglas’s obvious incest fantasies and the weird posts about her daughter, Coho romanticiztion of abuse, etc.

I am so done with people trying to defend booktok because it’s obvious to me they either don’t understand or don’t want people insulting what gets them off. I literally saw a reel saying “book triggers are just checklists for me” and some of the book triggers included were “CANNIBALISM, ABUSE, CHILD SA, INCEST” like WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? THIS IS FUCKING WRONG.

not even kidding here it is:

“at least people are reading”? Reading what? This garbage? Fuck off.

[rose-m4ry]

Trigger warning: mentions of sexual assault, pedophilia (with My Dark Vannessa), and domestic abuse

But anyways to take my mind off that shit, I said somewhere that I would be reading an actual book after I finished that one. The next one on my lisr is Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata. This is the 2nd book I've read from her, the first one was Earthlings, but I still haven't finished it since I just popped it open during a car ride and haven't picked it up since.

I'm ecstatic to swallow up the rest of the novels I've actually wanted to read. I read a little bit of My Dark Vannessa a year or so ago but haven't finished it either. I've been hearing it mentioned in relation to IEWU and I completely get why, from what I remember about MDV and the sections that I've reread, the writing feels so much more fleshed out than in IEWU.

I feel like IEWU was incredibly disappointing, not that I had high expectations, but I feel like I lost a lot more than just my time reading it. I'm gonna admit that this is the only COHO book I've ever read, so I don't have a frame of reference for how Colleen handles abuse in her other stories, but it still left me with an incredibly bitter taste in my mouth. I'll be completely honest here and say that I understood where she was trying to go and trying to portray, but fuck me, the execution is dogshit.

I fucking hate it so much and it's pissing me off that I don't know how to articulate it. Some mix between the moments of plain sexual assault that were never brought up again in the beggining of the book, the almost irresponsible manner in which things were portrayed, generally dogshit writing, I don't know where to fucking go. I don't know how to say it other than it brings me an indescribable rage. I need to chill out before I break something because of how genuinely angry it makes me, holy shit

[imaginespazzi]

Best bestie, its been too long! I hope that vaca was phenomenal and that the return is treating you ok. What was your highlight? (I wouldve messaged sooner but work is ramping up here. Plus I felt like the timing wasnt good right before you left/while you were gone/when you just got back)

Guess I'll begin w some old & random asides by voicing my full agreement with you that matcha and Colleen Hoover books are both truly awful things. I feel so strongly about this I just couldnt not share haha.

WBB: Results in the W continue to be a little weird here and there huh, keeping things interesting. Ngl the Mystics recent winning run has been bittersweet for me.. but in fairness at this point Im not sure how out tank the Sparks even if you wanted to. Honestly I just the hate inconsistency tho (injuries aside). And hate to see the rash or recent SEIs. Heres hoping Betnijah is ok!! Another wcbb player in headlines for really bad stuff, sigh, but Im never gonna comment on something still in a legal process.

Not sure Ive commented over the past couple chapters, but GH/fic never fails to be well done!

Lastly, ending on a high note - an overwhelming amount of recent Pazzi content! What can really be said? Its just made me smile to see two people in love out enjoying a bunch of special events/memories together. Especially considering this is prob the last typical student summer for them as a pair.

-☕️

BESTI HI :)

It's been so long, I missed you <3

Listen I'm like a huge foodie so the highlight was definitely having gelato every day lmao

THANK YOU! So sorry to my Matcha girlies but I cannot stand the drink at all. And if you're a CoHo girlie, well yeah no I'm not apologizing for that one, she sucks, her books suck and Azzi and Paige please let me save you!

The W has been so unpredictable which has been both entertaining but also slightly unnerving. But yes I agree the Mystics have been quite bittersweet. On one hand I do love seeing Aaliyah happy but what about the agenda Mike? WHAT ABOUT THE AGENDA? What was the point of all of the struggling in the beginning if we don't even get the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (who am I kidding Paige is the rainbow).

Ah yes that headline is the worst yet and the article have been confusing to say the least but I just hope justice is served.

The Pazzi content has just been unbelievable. I still feel like I'm in a dream with everything we've gotten but I'm just so happy for the. Just being themselves, making all these connections, going to big events and just having the time of their lives, no one deserves it more.

[angelsaxis]

Some of the YA hate gets quite dramatic on here. Especially from people who shun/never read YA. I find it difficult to take their critiques of the age demographic seriously because by their own admission, they don't read it. And if they do talk about it they talk only about the mainstream YA books that anyone would say are bad or generally low quality. And this is going to sound cliche but if you believe there aren't any good YA books out there it's because you haven't found them. They exist. Look beyond what's popular. That's like saying all adult books are bad or something bc CoHo books exist. Like the people who don't read saying they don't because all books are by dead white men like. You haven't searched you haven't done 1% of the effort necessary to have an opinion. I read YA and Adult SFF quite regularly and now that I've read as many as I have I can confidently say quality is a matter of the skill of the individual author. Which should go without saying. Since every book in every age demographic is like that. But.

[lueurichor]

What’s a series/books booktok convinced you to read and what were ur reviews on it ?

Oh boyyyy here we go. There are a lot. Lets start with the good ones:

- Six of Crows Duology ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐���⭐️

Some of the best world- and characterbuilding out there. Amazing vibes, great writing and just a very good time (also rips your heart out with velvet gloves, thank you very much).

- Five Survive ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Had me in a chokehold from page one right until the end. I need a sequel or at least a very long epilogue because wtf was that conclusion?? Mean. Just mean (but in a good way).

- The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

A work of art and some of my favorite writing ever. I know it is slow and kinda empty, but that's what I like about it? No bis plot, just art, quotes and vibes.

And now for the more "interesting" ones:

- Multiple CoHo books (I don’t wanna remember)

Ugly Love & All your Perfects are fighting for the worst-book-ive-ever-touched-spot in my heart. If nightmares & toxicity were books they would all be written by Colleen Hoover.

- ACOTAR (please don’t shoot me guys)

Twelve year old me was neither prepared for the flying-sex nor the weird way that series was plotted. If someone asks me how to write a really flat and boring story then I'll just throw them this series and all the characters.

If I hear another person say how this is the best HIGH FANTASY series they've ever read I'm gonna quit reading forever. No hate, but you just have to be able to see all the bad and toxic things these books transmit. Sorry.

[king-salmonid-cohozuna]

because i feel like it here's my interpretation of all the king salmonids so far. i am just making this up since nintendo refuses to give us even the tiniest of crumbs

COHOZUNA-

As the default sort of king salmonid, Coho fills the equivalent role of 'guy you vote for because you recognize him from an ad' in salmonid society. Except they don't have elections probably.

-His overall normalness and resemblance to them makes him popular among lesser salmonids

-His chains are trophies from sunken or looted inkfish vessels

-Would be a very stand-up guy if you could talk to him without the use of a lift or perhaps a crane

-Longest-standing king, but not the oldest

HORRORBOROS-

He's just standing (floating) in the corner, and nobody is removing him because they’re too scared to talk to him.

-Popular among older, no-nonsense audiences, as well as insane young'uns

-Octarians find him endearing thanks to his resemblance to the great zapfish

-Was deformed by polluted/irradiated water

-Requires a LOT of medical attention because of this, and spends time in both salmonid and octarian care

-Less 'wants to have power' and more 'really fucking hates inkfish'

-Crotchety old man

MEGALODONTIA-

Gangly, football-playing teenager of a fish. Child of some recently-deceased-or-retired, more powerful and respected figure that automatically obtained their position.

-Highly contested, but popular among salmonid monarchists for obvious reasons, and boss salmonids

-Tends to hide in ink because he’s self conscious about his appearance

-Curious about inkfish and their culture

-HATES the salmonid dentist for reasons unrelated to the braces

-Not a big fan of the other king salmonids, the feeling is mutual

-Youngest king salmonid

[surpriserose]

there was a post going around a little while ago that had a link to like 100 classic books by authors of color and i picked out a few that were interesting to me to read so im doing that inbetween manga and hate reading coho so thumbs up emoji

the one i was able to get the easiest was kobo abe's the woman of the dunes and its about a dude who gets told to go into the sand pit with this lady against his will and tries to escape and well..... this is a 60s book which means yeah its good! its really thoughtful and the prose is really good (obviously translation isn't and shouldnt be one to one but it's still what abe wrote like janljkdnvd) but its also really misognyist! with the occasional gross racist or ableist comment too like christ......

like every time i was like okay im here with you im in the sand im feeling the sand im scared of the sand and im with you we're getting into philosophy im engaging with your metaphors theyre really good and complex loving the themes of stability and instability and work and purpose and then the main dude would sexually assault the titular woman and its like okay!!!!!!!! i get where we stand here buddy!!!!! oh now we're going off about sex and philosophy okay i can list 1000 other people i would rather listen to on this subject before you but i cant stop you!!!

[megumiifushiiguro]

here goes my hateful review for the 1st chapter of It Ends With Us

You may be asking yourself why did I wrote that in a big cutesy pink font. The answer is: I have no idea. But anyways-

This whole thing starts with “I was thinking of suicide.” Understandable. But for a 23yo woman named Lily Blossom Bloom? Ma’am- this girl literally thinks about the whole process of suicide (like falling off of a building, if the person regrets it a few meters before death etc. etc.)

Then it continues with the style of writing I was using when I was 9 (I’m sorry if I’m just talking shit about this, but DON’T GET ME WRONG, IT’S REALLY LIKE THAT) and LBB is complaining about her roommate who loves to hear herself sing. Nothing special.

To this part I could totally stand this book. UNTIL this creepy doctor guy named Ryle Kincaid walks in. He just… waltzes in and randomly starts abusing an innocent chair, like dude wtf- I see red flag anger issues, girl you better run.

But no. Our Lily just stares and Ryle doesn’t even notice. So she starts describing the material of that chair which I can’t translate to english and can’t even pronounce right.

The guy smokes. He pulls out a joint and smokes. Okay. Lily thinks he’s so friCKIN MYSTERIOUS (🥵🥵🥵) and a maSCULINE VERSION OF MONA LISA (😳🥵😰)

Anyway

He notices her and immediately starts acting manipulative and obsessive like our dear and beloved Dean Forester, who irritates me so much I’d like to abuse an innocent chair myself

Lily thinks that Ryle is cute. I won’t deny. He looks cute.

BUT LET’S SKIP TO THE GOOD PART

They start talking, he asks her about her secrets and experiences and life in general which is kinda sorta creepy, but WAIT

He says that he wants to fuck her, I- and she says she’s not really into one night stands, so he starts kissing her on the neck and her collarbone and boobs (which she says it’s okay) BUT GIRL, HE TAKES A PHOTO

HE TAKES A PHOTO

And she acts pretty passive about it, like she doesn’t mind and that bothers me tbh. Like if a guy took a photo of me in a ✨spicy way✨ without my consent, then dude, if I ever see you on the street, you’re done, DONE

And then he leaves and that’s the end of the chapter.

The characters are pretty shallow in my opinion, because they seriously look like they were written by a 13yo girl on wattpad in a story about mafia fuckboy and a mary sue bby girl, who just wants to get laid

I also hate the way Lily’s passive and not very strong like she says. Her character has SO MUCH potential and I can see crystal clear where CoHo was going with her, but just didn’t handle it very well

And that’s just very dissapointing for me, because no one likes strong, well-handled, deep female lead characters than me AND I’M SORRY I’M RAMBLING BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY-

hasdfgf the pink cutesy font is cute bestie dw

oh ok the story started really dark don't ya think..? and lmao what is that name💀 who tf names their child 'lily blossom bloom'😭

got it :') it is the cringey wattpad writng style that looks like it has been written by a 10 year old right? read a lot of those *shudders* (also pls pls complain ALL U WANT i am here to listen to every single one of ur complaints👀) and ok? why is she complaining abt her roommate singing lol😭

oh OH i have heard abt this ryle guy he ain't good?? and ok him abusing a fucking chair?? 🚩x 100 if u ask me

WHY IS SHE DESCRIBING THE MATERIAL OF THE CHAIR HELP😭😭 and oMg a mAn wHo sMoKeS u sAy?? sO hOt oMg🥵🥵🥵 sO mYsTeRioUs🥵🥵🥵

oh no he is like dean?? i already hate him so fucking much now— also what EXACTLY did ryle do??

also who cares if he's cute? if he's anything like dean forester i loathe him automatically

WHAT WHO ASKS THAT💀 DUDE THAT IS SO FUCKING CREEPY WTF—

just when i though it couldn't get any worse i read the next paragraph of this ask—he says WHAT now??? WHO TF SAYS THAT?? AND WHEN LILY LITERALLY SAID SHE'S NOT INTO ONE NIGHT STANDS WHY DOES HE CONTINUE KISSING HER??? DUDE WTF?? *flashbacks to when jess continues kissing rory after she said 'no' like 3 times already*

HE TAKES A PHOTO OF WHAT??? I AM SO CREEPED OUT RN—

why did she let him take that pic anyway—she should've punched him in the face or smth not just let him take that photo what is happening??? also same if u took my pic like that babe ur getting killed by me🔪

ok WHAT he just....leaves??? i have so many questions rn—

oh OH so its those kinda story oh no

and yes yes yess bestie i get what ur trying to say!! and BESTIE RAMBLE ALL YOU WANT!!!

[kaoruko-han]

X reader really seem to regroup everything I hate about straight romance. We can't be surprised that books made by coho work when people write willingly this kind of things here

I'll never understand why so many women dream of an abuser so bad and change every male characters they're into into one.

[jxpper]

social media (specifically fandom culture) has fucked me up so badly in the arena of “stan or anti” because I completely forget that there is a middle ground.

for example: I kinda like Colleen Hoover books. I don’t love her. I dont love all of her books. But I like a couple, and I think I’ll keep reading more. I also kinda wanna buy the beanie from her merch store. but I will not defend her to the death or get mad at people who don’t like her.

That has thrown me through an entire identity crisis.

because now that z-library is down, and it’s down because a person posted a tiktok about how they ripped Ugly Love off of z-lib without paying, everyone is mad at the “Colleen Hoover girlies”

AND IM STANDING HERE LIKE??? WHO AM I MAD AT? THE ONE WHO COULDNT GATEKEEP Z-LIB OVER A GODDAMN COHO NOVEL? OR THE ONES BLAMING THE COHO READERS?? LMFAOOO

And then I realize… it’s okay to be in the middle? such a weird feeling AHAHA. so instead, I just hate everybody LMFAOO

[whitneydaniell]

by: Colleen Hoover Published: Aug 2, 2016 Genre: Romance, Fiction, Contemporary 386 Pages, Audio Book (HH:MM) 11:11

★★★

GoodReads Synopsis:

Lily hasn’t always had it easy, but that’s never stopped her from working hard for the life she wants. She’s come a long way from the small town in Maine where she grew up — she graduated from college, moved to Boston, and started her own business. So when she feels a spark with a gorgeous neurosurgeon named Ryle Kincaid, everything in Lily’s life suddenly seems almost too good to be true.

My Review: *** SPOILERS ***

I'm glad that Lily left and did not try to "fix" Ryle. I loved that Allysa told her, "If you take him back I will never speak to you again." I loved their friendship. Pretty much the only redeeming value of this book.

Ryle does not need a relationship, he needs a medical professional to diagnose, prescribe, and treat him.

I get the idea of Lily trying to be stronger than her mother and leaving this abusive relationship however, she wasn't any smarter than her mother (no shade, CoHo). Why not have her go to the police? Document the abuse? Especially once she finds out that she is pregnant. Documenting the abuse would have guaranteed that he never get joint custody and would have given grounds for supervised visits. Who is thinking of the unborn child here? Not Lily.

Atlas, was he needed as the white knight? His savior complex is borderline manipulative (if not outright).

I don't want to overlook the opening scene of Lily and Ryle on the roof, going over who had the worse day because this really showed us who Ryle is when no one is looking. He was angry before we even knew him to be abusive -- red flag? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe he just had a really bad (one) day, that is a thing. But what I hated most was, it took so much for Lily to really see who he was before she made changes.

CoHo if you're going to write a book about triumph over domestic violence, then go balls to the wall. Don't write the victim to be meek and understanding, in so many eloquent words, Lily should have told Ryle, "You've got the right one but the wrong day!" If you know you know. But instead, everyone else needed to validate to Lily that she should leave before she made an effort. Lazy.

Final Thoughts: Who named these people?

[lazydreamer19]

why are people so nice here like… can they hate just a little?

Who said I'm nice? I'm a professional hater

Let's hate on CoHo books, Istg those books scar me so bad

[ghostiewriter]

I have been reading CoHo since waay before she blew up and I’ll be the first to assume that she’s not all that and she has a lot of books that are very regular and anticlimactic but Reminders is actually very good. A few other recs that are not those that I loved (coming from someone who reads 24 books a year) are:

The hate U give

Bright side (I cried like a baby but soo good)

The sun is also a star

Royals (don’t love the ending but love the “before”)

Here the whole time by this brazilian autor called Vitor Martins

Oooh I’ve not heard of some of these!!👀

[allamericansbitch]

I'm hesitant to go hard on hating It Ends With Us (not coho as a person nor most of her other books) because I've seen many, many DV survivors say the book was very important to them. Her writing isn't that great, but she had to have done something right with getting a sensitive story to resonate with so many people. I think the biggest issue here is the marketing - if she and her publisher hadn't gone so hard on marketing this book as a romcom, things could've been a lot better. A book about DV isn't supposed to be trying to have a Barbie moment!! Someone compared the book to Lolita except CoHo seems like she's encouraging the misinterpretation of the book and I agree with that 100%

yeah i've also seen dv victims say that the book/movie helped them a lot, and that's obviously great and not the issue at all. the marketing/pr for the film and how the cast is speaking about it is the main issue.

[definitelynotisabel]

so i read it ends with us and here are my thoughts

(⚠️spoilers⚠️)

i actually didn’t hate it? i know about the whole coho hate thing and about her son being abusive and all that but the book was an easy read. in the beginning i actually could not tho. i was dying laughing when she said her name was lily blossom bloom. like what the actual flip. who in their right mind would name their child that? i read it in one day and it was an easy fast paced story that i could enjoy. i don’t really like smut so i kinda skipped over those parts (lily and ryle were going at it) for some reason i really liked the ellen letters 😭 they were some of my favorite parts even tho they were addressed to freaking ellen, like it was weird but i liked it. but im ngl i fully considered dnfing when she said, and i quote, “when he was wiping that cow shit in me, it was quite possibly the most turned on i’ve ever been” what. the. fuck.

her whole backstory with atlas was really interesting and it it was what kept me going during the middle of the book. i really like atlas as a character, like lowkey book boyfriend!? like he’s a compassionate, considerate, and a freaking chef. i felt really bad for him especially at the end when lily’s dad freaking beat him up. that part was actually so horrible and i felt so bad for both of them.

her whole relationship with ryle was weird. i never really liked them together. i mean i get ges a neurosurgeon but that’s really all he’s got going. i thought it was really pathetic when he was literally begging lily to fuck him. first of all who even does that? what kind of person knocks on 29 doors to ask a stranger who you haven’t even kissed to do the boombayah with you? that’s really weird. his whole obsession with one night stands should have been lilys first red flag warning. like lily get yourself some standards that man just wants to use you. but when they got together they were alright. ryle gaslight her so much i actually kinda believed him for a second.

the whole pregnancy thing was really unexpected but i liked it. i really liked her friendship with alyssa and i think she’s my fav character.

i see on tik tok a lot that coho romanticizes abuse in her books, especially it ends with us, but i completely disagree. i’ve only read one of her books so i can’t talk for everything but this one does not romanticize abuse at all. the whole point of the book is that it’s very hard to walk away from abusive situations but that you have to break cycles of being abused.

(ignore the mistakes i was half asleep when i wrote this)