#having a burnout from life SUCKS i wanna write

[reploidbuddy]

This is 3 days late im sorry but - if it's open for qs, I'd love ti hear about your shared dreams au if you havent already answered?

No need to be sorry!!! Qs are always open <3

And I'm so glad your asked!!! So far, I've only posted Silver and Espio’s designs with some basic info if you're interested :3 (crazy that when I re-read Espio's I found a few details had already changed. Nothing big but it's still funny to me, stuff change so fast when it simmers well in planning).

But the basic premise/summary-like description is that Espio comes in contact with an odd gem to study it so he can do an important research paper for school (and like, get his degree lmao), but ever since he brought it homes he starts having oddly similar dreams where he meets a mysterious young man around his age (that talks a little oddly and is weirdly dressed too).

The vocaloid song The Apocalypse 30th gave me the basic "two people meet each other in a dream and fall in love" premise along with a few details here and there. So yes it's Espilver, I like them B)

As always, there's a lot of lore that'll come with the story. I get excited when I think abt it but I'm scared it'll turn into yet another really long story ;-; I'm already struggling to write Where the Water Narrows due to irl stuff I don't want to keep 2 audiences waiting and split my already thin focus ;-; but the story itself do be sparking joy to think about so I get to plan it when I'm away from a mechanical keyboard.

[fallingdownhell]

i love your writing so much i can't resist from requesting -

im an AS student and man these exams are not easy I've been pulling all nighters and its obviously effecting on me a lot and i don't have a thoma in my life T^T

can i request thoma x reader (modern AU) where she is pulling all nighters, skipping meals, etc while thoma is away on a buisness trip or something (with the Kamisato siblings) and when he gets back to home he sees her almost passed out with a fever and he takes care of her and helps her get back on her feet again ^^

feel free to ignore this <3

have a nice day/night and take care :D

Thanks, I'm glad to hear that<3

Ugh yeah, studying and exams are hard, but please do take care of yourself! That's still the most important thing to do.

But honestly, you're so right. Everyone should have a Thoma in their life. So, allow me to prepare something. Hope that it helps to relax you a bit as well<3

Pairing: Thoma x reader

Content: gender neutral reader; Modern AU; burnout; stress; exams suck; comfort; being taken care of when sick

Word count: 1,8k words

Enjoy the ride!

Studying was hard.

In fact, it was one of the worst things on this planet to ever exist. Why do people have to go through this for multiple years in their life?

It was already hard enough to stay focused and not get distracted by literally anything else. Even the most minute thing could normally easily steal your attention away.

Yet right now, you had to endure. A hard week was coming your way, two very important exams were approaching, with a third one being scheduled the week after.

You have been studying non stop for a few days now, but somehow, nothing seemed to stay in your head, every word you read seemed to be thrown out your head again at the next second.

So, instead of taking a break and just giving yourself even a few minutes of rest, you just studied even harder. Days became longer and longer and before you knew it, you were studying well into the night, but you couldn't help it.

Those exams were very important, it could possibly ruin your entire future if you were to fail even one of them. At least, that's what you're telling yourself.

To your (mis)fortune - however you wanna look at it now - your boyfriend Thoma, who usually would be pestering you by now to finally take a break, wasn't around for a few weeks, since he went on a trip with a few of his friends.

At first, he wanted to bail out of it, so he could stay with you and support you through these tough weeks. But you insisted that he went on the trip, said it would be good for him to get out and spend some quality time with his friends.

In the end, he reluctantly agreed to it, but he still made sure to text you every day, reminding you to take care of yourself and to not overwork yourself.

Each time you got a text like that from him, you felt guilt well up inside you, from how you so easily ignored his worries about you and your health. Yet, every time again, you pushed those feelings down again, telling you that you had no time for them right now.

...

You were currently deep into yet another study session again, your head already pounding from the constant stress and influx of information, when your phone gave off a text notification next to you.

The screen lit up once you looked at it, showing you a new message from Thoma and also told you that it was already almost midnight again.

'You still up?', was the message displayed on your screen. You hesitated on wether or not you should respond to him, knowing that he would most likely scold you for staying up so late again. But in the end, you decided on just answering him.

'Yeah, I am. What's up?', you replied back to him.

You waited a few seconds for his answer, but instead of a new message came the notification of an incoming video call. Confused but also pleasantly surprised, you accepted the call and were soon greeted with the handsome face of your boyfriend Thoma, which you haven't seen in quite some time. God, how did you only now realise how much you missed him?

"Hey", he said, his voice sounding a bit off thanks to the quality of the phone, but that's okay. At least you got to hear his voice again.

"Hey", you answered back with a soft smile, taking in his surroundings. He was laying on his stomach, holding his phone in front of him with one hand, while the other rested under his chin on a pillow. In the background, you could hear soft snoring.

"Is that Ayato snoring in the background?", you laughed, but Thoma seemed to be used to it at this point.

"Yeah. I'm actually not surprised you hear that, but trust me, it's so much louder when your in the same room as him. He sleeps like a stone and his snoring has kept me up so many times. Like today."

You nodded in understanding. While Thoma may not snore, your previous partner sure did, and it robbed you of your sleep more times than you could count.

"How are you, (name)? Taking enough breaks?", he asked, even managing to give you a pointed look through the camera of the phone. You briefly debated on just telling him yes so he would feel better, but you couldn't bring yourself to lie to Thoma. Not when he was so earnestly concerned about you.

"More or less..", you opted to respond, thinking it would not sound too bad. Yet, knowing you for this long, Thoma knew exactly what that meant.

"(Name)...", he sighed, pinching his nose with his free hands. But before he could go on a full blown rant, you tried changing the subject.

"Let's not talk about that, okay. I'll manage and I don't want to ruin the good mood of your trip. I hope you're having fun by the way."

Thoma looked at you for a few seconds, deciding on wether or not to just go with it. "I know what you're trying to do here. Just... promise me you won't take it too far, okay. Don't neglect yourself, take breaks and remember to eat something."

"Thoma.. I can't really promise you, but I'll try, okay?"

He sighed again, but agreed to that with a reluctant "Alright.", since he knew that this would probably be the best he would get out of you. He really hated how you had this habit to just not take care of yourself when you were stressed, which is why he didn't want to go on this trip in the first place.

But, you were right after all. He really needed this trip to get out for a bit and breath some fresh air, and he had a lot of fun with both Ayato and Ayaka. You were initially invited to join them as well, but sadly had to decline because it would overlap with your exams.

The two of you talked for quite a bit about all kinds of things. The stuff the three of them had been up to during their trip, where they went to (since it was a road trip) and stuff like that. Hearing about it, you were really sad you couldn't join them, but that's just how things are now.

Before ending the call, Thoma informed you that they probably would be back by the end of next week, which was also when you would finally be done with all your exams. Then, you could finally rest again and enjoy some much needed quality time with your boyfriend again.

"Good night, (name). I love you."

"I love you too, Thoma. Good night."

And after that, your screen went black again, and you were suddenly all alone again in your quiet room, with nothing to occupy your mind but the constant need to study and get better.

So, with a deep sigh, you got back to work.

...

It was finally done. The last test has been dealt with, it was over.

You arrived at your apartment, utterly exhausted. You had been ignoring the warning signs of your body for far too long, and yet you still insisted of pushing your own limits.

You started to develop a constant headache a few days ago, with the fever joining in two days ago. Yet you still pushed through, telling yourself that you were fine, that you were able to do this.

And you did do it, but now that you were falling onto your couch, finally able to relax for the first time in two weeks, you realized what you had done to yourself.

You had no strength left in you, no will to do anything at all. You were utterly exhausted and done, not being able to do anything but welcome the darkness that overcame you as you simply passed out on the spot.

...

"(Name)? I'm home!", Thoma yelled as he entered your apartment, using the spare key that you gave him. When no reply came back to him, worry began to rise even more. He had been texting you for the last three hours, telling you that he got back safely. But when you still didn't reply, his concern got the best of him, and he made his way over to your apartment.

"(Name)?", he tried again, while moving through the living space. Once he passed the living room, he saw you, laying on the couch, passed out. At first, thinking nothing of it, he smiled a little and made his way over to your side, crouching down next to you.

But when he saw the pained expression on your face and how sweaty you were, he instantly knew something was up. Without thinking, he gently picked you up into his arms to carry you to your bedroom, before he went to check on your temperature.

As he suspected, you had a fever.

"Damn it, (name).", he sighed. Seemed like he had to take care of you until you wake up again.

...

When you woke up again, you had no idea what time it was, but judging by the the lack of bright light coming form outside, it had to be either evening or night already.

Your head was still spinning a bit and when you went to touch your forehead, you noticed something cold and wet.

That's also when you realized that you weren't in the living room anymore, but actually your bedroom.

Still confused and trying to piece the missing information together, the door to your room swung open, revealing the form of your boyfriend Thoma to you.

"Thoma! You're back!", you exclaimed, trying to get out of the bed, but were quickly pushed back down again.

"Don't even think about getting up. Your fever is still way too high for you to be jumping around like that.", he scolded, which caused you to follow his instruction. Only now did you also notice that you were wearing your pyjama and not the things you collapsed in on the couch. He really took care of everything for you...

"I'm sorry..", you quietly mumbled, and you meant it. You felt bad and guilty for causing him to worry so much about you. Even worse that he had every right to do so, since you did work yourself sick.

Thoma sighed, sitting down on the bed, slowly extending a hand to stroke your hair a bit.

"Don't scare me like that again. You were passed out for hours. All I want is for you to be okay. I can only achieve that if you also start taking care of yourself."

"Okay.. I promise I'll take better care."

And he believed you. It was the only thing he could do, besides nursing you back to health right now. And you appreciated and loved him even more for putting up with you and still caring for you, despite all.

[n7punk]

“Make Me a Monster” Fic Notes

MMaM was pretty short and this will be too but this fic has some Backstory and I wanna talk about it lmao.

Playlist:

Warriors (AJ Michalka version)

heavy. — Au/Ra

The Creeps — Garbage

LIFE AFTER SALEM — Lil Nas X

The Heartless (original rock version) — PVRIS (kind of hard to get. Was only available on their PARIS EP which isn’t available for streaming last I checked)

Waking Up (Acoustic) — PVRIS (from the acoustic version of the PARIS EP, which is available on youtube)

chaotic — Tate McRae

Hate myself — Tate McRae

R.E.M. — Mothica

Shatter — Against The Current

Frankenstein — Rina Sawayama

My Limb — Hayley Williams

Epilogue Life:

It takes awhile and I could never write this fic in a timespan where it’s complete, but Adora does come to accept her new prosthetics. After the revelations about She-ra and the Heart, she comes to realize this version of them is the most ideal she could get purely because they don’t need maintenance, removal, cleaning etc and she can care for them the exact way she can the rest of her body, which makes them feel a lot more like her body. Her sense of touch isn’t 100%, still losing some texture differentiation and the ability to really feel light touches (she wouldn’t feel a bug walking on her arm for example), but as shown in the epilogue she learns to adapt, and eventually she stops covering up so much either. When she starts to wear her jacket less is when Catra knows she has made real progress. Her prosthetics are magic and never need intervention, which helps.

On Catra’s part, her guilt also takes a lot to process, as does her trauma from her time chipped, which only feeds into her guilt because she feels like she inflicted that same dehumanization on Adora. She comes to focus her energy on “fixing” things instead though, which does lead to some unhealthy burnout, but the worry her friends show for her then does a lot to help her internalize that no, they really don’t hate her.

It’s one of those cases where they take longer to get to a healthy place than in canon, but they do eventually reach it. They get through the worst of it early on, but those effects echo for a long time.

Chapter 1:

⦁ I was pretty worried going into this how people would feel about this, mostly because it’s an incredibly complex situation. Prosthetics are often helpful, but they tend to not be as effective as people hope and even when they are, that still doesn’t mean people don’t look at them and see what they lost sometimes. This situation in particular, where the prosthetics were largely unnecessary and completely forced on her, was painful. Adora is struggling not just with that, but with the very familiar process of trying to get back where she was before an injury/disability, but sometimes that’s just not possible. She’s seeking every piece of functionality and feeling she gets with her prosthetics, but that doesn’t mean she is less for having lost something either. I was worried about people thinking that attitude she has is ableist, when it’s really just a part of the disabled experience. Some people never have it, but I’m definitely someone who has struggled with trying to get things back while knowing I’ll never get it all. It… really sucks, and even when things seem good, there can be a bittersweetness to them. That’s the kind of attitude I was approaching this fic with. There was also the medical abuse angle with her prosthetics. Despite her impossibly advanced prosthetics, this is a very real thing I actually saw conversations about when TotK came out, which is what gave me of the exact phrase for that trigger because I was having trouble naming/describing it in the content warning before that.

⦁ Hordak was working on prosthetic limbs in the event that his deteriorating state made it impossible for him to keep working, using Adora as his guinea pig to test their effectiveness. Shadow Weaver kind of thought there was a chance She-ra could regrow them entirely even if that wasn’t what she was banking on. She actually thought the second accident was a mercy, because Hordak already wanted to test out the set on Adora at that point, so making it “necessary” was supposed to be easier on Adora. Her empathy meter is broken.

Chapter 2:

⦁ Catra just can’t “get” why Adora stayed, but it was kind of impossible for her to leave before that. Part of her already knew Shadow Weaver would be back for more, but she couldn’t let herself do it because it was the “wrong” thing to leave Etheria to the princesses. When she realized the Rebellion wasn’t actually monsters, it was all so much worse because she realized everything — her arms, Catra’s punishments, the horrible way they grew up that she didn’t even really have perspective for — had been for nothing. Catra was right all along. They should have runaway. So she did

⦁ I didn’t intend to title the chapters of this fic since it was so short, but then the “You promise?” line came up and I wanted to make that the chapter title for clarification purposes if nothing else, so I added them in.

Chapter 3:

⦁ I know I’m kind of the “let’s talk about traumatized Catra” person but tbh I still don’t think we give enough weight to having your body literally puppeted while you watch and undergo nightmare hallucinations. Like how the fuck was she functioning after that. So yeah on top of Adora being extra traumatized in this (and Catra additionally having extra trauma from watching that happen), I wanted to go a bit into the echoes of having been under Horde Prime’s control for Catra too. (Other members of the Princess Alliance who were chipped definitely deal with nightmares from this too, but I have a feeling the nightmare scenarios were mostly unique to Catra, especially considering the green pool wasn’t used on the others and by the time Prime had the others under his control he was dealing with a lot of chips and conjuring up nightmare scenarios for them all doesn’t make sense.)

⦁ In this AU there was a lot more immediately obvious awfulness from Shadow Weaver, so even after the portal Glimmer did keep her confined to her room, not that it helped Adora’s mental state much. She was a lot more hated and shunned in Bright Moon and when they were on the run. Catra and Adora still cried watching her die, but after the fact their general attitude is a mixture of “good riddance” and “how could she do all that to us and then just die without ever acknowledging it?” They take her sacrifice as the closest thing they’ll ever guilt to an admission of feeling guilt.

⦁ The thing about Adora never being able to tell if her sensation is back to “normal” is a very real thing when it comes to disability. I remember at one point telling a friend that I couldn’t tell if I wasn’t in pain or was just shouldering it because I didn’t remember what not being in pain felt like anymore.

⦁ If you know my poll, this was “in the engine room.”

Chapter 4:

⦁ In this AU, they have no idea the First Ones Virus could infect She-ra with just the sword since it seemed “obvious” it spread from the robots, to the sword, to her prosthetics, which somehow caused everything to go haywire. Because she was working with her original set that was less advanced, the virus was legitimately latched onto She-ra itself, which also explains why it went away with she reverted the transformation. They just thought changing “bodies” let her purge the virus when she transformed back. The corruption from the First Ones… worm, thing, corrupted Adora’s limbs similarly to how the virus took over her, only with green instead of red, completely changing the colors of her arms and legs and then slowly creeping up her veins. It was gnarly.

⦁ Entrapta just has a better connection with Catra and was looking to her for an answer, but a small incline of the head was their signal back in the Horde that she should really just agree with whoever she’s talking with. She almost never paused to notice it, but Catra was trying her best (and failing) to keep her out of trouble.

Original Outline:

Originally this AU was supposed to be longer, starting when Adora first lost her limbs, then skimming through scenes throughout the series, until finally landing on Darla. That was just an extra 2-3 chapters probably, but 1) god that’s too much angst. It kept me from writing it for like 9 months because I didn’t want to do it, 2) the balance just wasn’t there? Everything got “minute-to-minute” once they were on Darla, with entire chapters dedicated to it, where as the previous chapters were scattered moments taking place over literal years. This did mean I lost some ideas that were supposed to take place in the war and such (the princess prom scene, for example), but it’s still better for it.

I started to write that longer version of it back in 2022(!) but only worked on it for two days to about 2k before I was like this is not vibing and dropped it. When I picked it back up with the shorter timeline in mind, I wrote 70% of this fic in one sitting back in September, but then I got kind of stuck on their reconciling conversation and I think it was just a little too much angst for me then so I didn’t come back to it the next day. I’ve opened it occasionally since then to glance over but it just wasn’t clicking until this week. I edited what I had and wrote the rest of the fic in two days once I was there, though. I am proud of this fic but it’s definitely a very emotional one so it kind of has to happen in bursts like that. I’m glad to have finally gotten it out now, as rocky as getting from idea to completion was. I had the idea November 14th 2022, wrote most of it September 4th 2023, and finally finished it March 9th 2024.

Upcoming:

Start Your Engine ;)

[rustbeltjessie]

The past week (the good, the bad, & the miscellaneous):

—One of my uncles is in very bad health, and if he doesn’t get the proper treatment soon, will probably not make it. That’s bad enough on its own, but it has also brought up a whole slew of family drama, which…well, I won’t get into specifics because they’re not really mine to tell, but it sucks.

—The oldest kiddo is doing great with his ADHD meds. He’s better able to focus on schoolwork, he listens better, and he has actual reciprocal conversations more often now. (Like, yesterday, we got into a conversation about AI art/writing, and he had some very well-thought-out opinions! I could tell he wasn't just regurgitating things he'd heard; he'd actually put a lot of thought into it.)

—I've gotten a little sad about the fact that I probably am ADHD, and possibly also autistic, or whatever (there’s definitely some neurodivergence in there), but never got any help when I was a kid/young adult. Because AFAB kids tend to present differently and mask better, y'know? All I know is I had an awful lot of school reports that were like: "J. is really smart, but doesn't follow directions well" or "J. does well on everything, when she decides it's something she wants to do." And then when I reached the age of burnout everyone was like: "But you are so smart! You're just not trying hard enough! You're just lazy!" How much better could I have done, especially in college, had anyone noticed that I was trying, that I was fucking struggling, and it wasn't just laziness?

—Speaking of college, I'm still researching universities I might want to attend when/if I go back for another degree.

—There's also a chance we may be moving sometime in the next year.

—And I'm putting some serious thought into how I wanna proceed with Bone & Ink Press. I want to keep it going, but it has long been untenable the way it's currently going. See, the thing is, I never wanted it to become what it became, a semi-legit publishing house with perfect-bound books and royalty payments and the like. I wanted to do small print run zines and chapbooks. So I'm going to finish up/publish the New Wave anthology, and then the three other titles I have on the roster, and then after that...I think I'm going back to its roots.

—The youngest kiddo had his first online class in astronaut science this morning. He loved it so much, and wants to continue with the rest of the course. Now I just gotta scrounge up some money to pay for the rest. (The first class was free; the rest cost money.)

—My dentist appointment went okay. It was fast and relatively painless. I have two small cavities, and have to go back in a month to get them filled, but they said everything else looks good.

—After the dentist, I had a bunch of errands to run. Normally I enjoy running errands but today I just wanted to get home and relax and also, everyone in town was driving like a jackass, so it took an extra long time to get from one stop to the next.

—But I did see two cuties while out and about. There was a hot middle-aged skater dude in the grocery store. (I know he was a skater because I saw him get out of his car, and it had Santa Cruz, Independent, and other skateboard-related stickers on it.) Downtown, I spotted a beautiful 20-something goth person; they looked appropriately eldritch in a long-black coat and big black boots.

—And while in the checkout at Walgreens, I saw this mom come in with two kids. One of the kids was a goth/punk teen; they shuffled into the store with their shoulders all hunched and a scowl on their face. Amazingly enough, the song that was playing over the sound system at the time was the Siouxsie and the Banshees cover of "Dear Prudence," and the teen recognized it, and for a split second, their scowl turned to a half-smile. And then they went back to scowling. It was perfect, because that is the era of my life which constitutes the bulk of my new zine.

—Speaking of the new zine: it's done, and I am glad it’s done, and I’m pretty pleased with it, but I am also fucking exhausted. To paraphrase something I wrote in my journal in 2009, after finishing a zine: I have completely overdosed on punk rock and stories from my own life. So now, I must cleanse myself with different kinds of music and different writing; namely, fiction and poetry. (Even when my poems are based on my real life experiences, which is often, writing them doesn't deplete me in the same way that writing prose memoir does.)

—I've felt pretty on top of my shit in general lately, but I am somehow flat broke again. Despite all the freelance gigs, side hustles, budgeting, etc. I mean I had to buy more printer ink and paper to complete this zine, so there's that. Then there's the fact that no matter how much we budget, our monthly food money always runs out 5-7 days before it gets refilled. Oh, and then there's the dentist thing. My health insurance covers some dental stuff, but not all, so I gotta pay the rest out of pocket. My dentist has a payment plan, but I had to make a down payment and have another bill due when I go back for my fillings. Shit. Anyway, if anyone wants to order some of my stuff/hire me for stuff, now would be a great time.

[sylvctica]

tl;dr life updates cause most of my irl yelling has been confined to twitter or DMs

as per my pinned, i've been in a bad burnout mostly creatively, so drawing and writing for myself has been kinda null for a few months-ish now outside some small outlets here and there (carrds, trying to pick up doing a twine project). socially i've been kinda floating around too, so if i've been sparse, im sorry ;;

a lot of my brain muncher has been work cause a bunch of things have come up ... namely finding out im paid 33% (not correct ik i just dont wanna do the exact math rn) less than most of the other designers lmao (which shocked even them and our design lead). i make ~$41k yearly, others are at ~$56k and average for designers is around ~$60k ... and my yearly performance is 8 months overdue where i'm probably not even gonna be able to argue my salary up to the average

obvs as a first job in the industry and mostly remote work (so no rent to pay) i took what i took, but it was kind of a slap to find that out

this is on top of our ceo deciding the resolution for our issues (which were brought up in a survey that was before we started fixing some of those issues already) is mandatory return to office 4 days a week from almost completely remote work (and the almost was voluntary to come into office). ill tell you right now, it's a shitty solution to our issues, and they're not compensating us for shit for travel time (aka 2 hours of my day will just be beating the train back and forth, and monthly payment of $200 for a pass where i live)

other game companies can do full remote or a choice of hybrid in how you want it :|

so, i've mostly been on low energy and just picking where my energy is going which is in games primarily to just not think abt stuff too much (yes yes star rail too), so my presence here and around ppl has been flimsy

im not lying down and taking it lmao dont worry abt that, i genuinely hope 30%+ of ppl leave or start leaving. old codger with his head up his arse and not listening to the ppl being like 'hey, this is not going to resolve our problems and will only cause more issues down the line'

so yeah!!!! my fists are up!!!! and i will support my coworkers too, cause we all genuinely like working with each other but sir dust-in-the-ears doesn't give a shit so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sucks cause we were finally nudging towards some rlly exciting things

[tscritical]

Hey, I know you’re on hiatus but when you get back if you could take a look at this and get back to me that’s be great.

in a way, I am very upset at Thomas as well, I still love the series and I do miss it, and a lot of the stuff he has done and said is pretty not-okay ( especially still supporting HP, but that may be more of a nostalgia thing than actually supporting it, I have a lot of memories from when I was a scmol child with HP and a lot of them include my mom, so I look back on them as good ones, but my views on JKR and her works have most certainly changed in support of my trans friends, I don’t even read her stuff anymore and certainly don’t support her) . Now, with the episode taking THREE YEARS. That isn’t okay, I’m sort of a creator as well ( I hope to write comics one day) and burnout and creators block suck. BUT YOU DONT GET CREATORS BLOCK FOR THREE YEARS. I can understand if there is some other things in Thomas’s life going on but the video’s still shouldn’t have been consistent, you have a Patreon for a reason and yet people keep paying for nothing! I will probably watch the new episode when it comes out, but I don��t know really how I feel, I still love the series but I’m not okay with the way Thomas is handling it! I even have a small fanfiction going based on the series( which takes a backseat to my normal writing). I don’t really know, things are really iffy with the situation and it’s just a mess.

yeah, there reaches a point where “creative block” is no longer a reason lmao. burnout, however, could still be very real if he’s not doing what he can to. recover from it? idk if that’s. words.

but if he is burnt out he needs to acknowledge it. pls mr sanders give us a crumb of explanation. pls?

also i wanna say this now, in case i get confused people in my notes, these asks im answering are from late january and early february so it’s pre thomas’s update video just to be clear

[armoricaroyalty]

1, 17, 20, 25, 32 & 50 for theo and elise 🏄‍♀️

Do they have any crafting hobbies?

Does gardening count as crafting? Theo likes to garden -- or will, if she ever gets any free time and access to outdoor space. In-game, I've had Elise working on the embroidery skill from Cottage Living, so she's definitely a crafty one.

17. How easily would they be convinced to do something that goes against their morals?

Hmm...for Theo, I think it'd be quite difficult. I know that the stereotype is that lawyers are pretty amoral, but I have a lot of attorneys in my family and most of them do have pretty firm morals. Those morals aren't necessarily in alignment with the wider world, but firm and consistent, regardless. ANYWAY. Theo is an uncompromising person, and it'd be really difficult to persuade her to do something she believed was wrong. Elise used to be that way, but a couple within The System has made her a lot more...flexible. I think she still considers herself very morally upright. She does amoral things, but she they're not amoral because she's doing them and she's doing them for good reasons, see?

20. Do they have a strong connection to their culture?

Theo, yes! So I'm a White Guy (tm) but when I was teaching, I taught at a school where all of the students and most of the staff were Afro-Caribbean, and I've been trying to reflect that culture in terms of her relationship with her (largely offscreen) family. Obviously, the cultures and racial dynamics of the real world don't really fully map onto the fictionalized sim world, but I hope Theo reads as believably Black, because she's obviously meant to be, lol. (side note, definitely open to feedback and constructive criticism there! I'm writing outside my culture, and I wanna get it right!) Elise is also connected to her culture, but I think it's a little less obvious because her culture is the predominant one within the setting. Armorican culture is meant to be kind of a mashup of midwestern Irish catholic culture and new england WASP culture so -- emphasis placed on stoicism, maintaining face, and family unity.

25. Do they have a daily/nightly routine?

Kinda wanna answer this in a story post plz hold.

32. If they could change one thing about themselves what would it be?

Theo is a bit wishy-washy. Her boss sucks, but she's not wrong here -- she's working very hard but she's just going through the motions. She isn't hungry for it, so she's on the road to burnout. The obvious, easy answer is that she should look for different work, but she'd probably make herself into the kind of person who thrives in that kind of intense, high-pressure environment. Elise would change whatever it is about herself that compels her to put up with another woman in her husband's life :/

50. What is your favorite thing about them?

Theo is my daughter. and I love her. Elise is was the only normal one, and I love her.

you've got questions and i've got answers -- oc edition -> accepting

[onlineproblems]

time for journal entry of the month # 2

first of all i think i would like to be more consciously grateful of things that are actually quite good. like yeah yeah the world sucks and everything is on fire but on a personal level i'm actually quite lucky. i'm fairly rested, i'm more physically able than i've been in probably my entire life, i can afford food i really like, i get to talk to friends on a regular basis, and i live in a town with avenues for me to experience nature regularly. i've been trying new things like going to these local shows, i'm learning a lot in my classes (another opportunity i'm lucky to have), my mentors are awesome, and i have free time thanks to my (usually) low-key job. yeah it doesn't pay much but i'm fortunate to be married and not worried about paying bills alone.

and i have a tiny beast who lives with me.

that's a lot to be grateful for and that doesn't even cover it all. just in general i'm really happy to be at this point in my life, no matter how much incidental stress i'm experiencing -- it's nothing compared to where i was last year or really any time in my life before this. sometimes i feel kind of guilty that i have it so good, since a lot of it happened by chance/circumstance, and so many people i know are struggling. but it's not like my guilt can solve anything.

i think there's still some big strides i need to make, especially since i tend to be avoidant of conflict and stress and although i might feel good right now, if i'm letting something simmer on the backburner until it explodes, that's gonna cause bigger problems later on. it's easy to pretend nothing's wrong but it's not so easy to clean up the mess after my avoidance causes it all to escalate.

right now i think one of my fundamental struggles is between enjoying the present but balancing it with being respnsible. I could be entirely hedonistic on one extreme, or throw myself into working for some ambiguous future vacation that never comes. I do still believe i'm recovering from burnout from my last job, but it gets harder and harder to contemplate going back to a "real" job the more time goes by.

i also have to consider whether i want to continue pushing onwards toward the goal of getting my 'dream' job (or rather, landing an entry level/foot-in-the-door job in my chosen career path) or settle for any old job to hold me over until i can land that so-called dream job. i've been employed since september but this contract won't be permanent, and when it's over i have to consider the gap on my resume. i also can't say i was taking classes anymore after august, since my program ends then.

none of that is very fun to think about, so things i do wanna do and look forward to: going to see belushi speedball live!! writing and collaborating with friends. working on my novel. reading excellent books. going to the ballet, and watching my friend perform in the spring show. keeping up my gym habit. visiting NZ. visiting the west coast. maybe getting back into skating? doing the Nov 5k. spending some dedicated time learning German. sewing my LOTR cosplay.

i'm not wasting my time or my life, i'm having rich experiences that are so much more meaningful than a resume. money is essential to survive but there is more to living than that.

most of all i'm exceedingly grateful for the people in my life who are so so kind to me, even in the smallest of ways -- because it is not small to me. whether you are my friend on tumblr or in real life, i love you. and you probably didn't read all this lmao but if you did wow i REALLY love you.

[macksting]

Vent post: Prediction is hard.

Life didn’t exactly go the way I was told it would.

[ID: Screenshot from Sailor Moon. Makoto Kino a.k.a. Sailor Jupiter looks down, her brow knitted, smiling very sadly over something as if trying to seem chipper and failing badly. /end ID]

At a young age, I was rather ahead of the curve, or whatever is an appropriate idiom there. I could read and write and do some math before kindergarten, and quickly took an interest in my mother’s psychology textbook. I had the usual fascination with dinosaurs. Tomboys. Go figure, right? We’re great. I regularly used rather big words because they seemed right. I wasn’t trying to be pretentious; at worst, I had discovered a new word and enjoyed the feel of saying it. cw attempted murder of a child, bullying, ex-gifted-kid-burnout stuff The speech impediment proved to be a problem. cw attempted murder of a child, bullying, remarkable school neglect, shitty teachers, poverty and squalor, gifted kid burnout

Although we weren’t yet in the advanced stages of the Teaching To The Test cancer that kids in my country are in nowadays, school in the 80s and 90s fuckin’ sucked. I suppose for me it wasn’t particularly less life-threatening than it is for my own child, maybe moreso, though my kid’s staying home because of a conversation they overheard at school that makes them too nervous to go. I decided better to regret letting them stay home than regret sending them. But no, the violence was much more personal in my case. At the same time that I was bringing home test scores showing me in the 99.9 percentile in multiple areas for my age group, advanced in math, sciences, language, and goodness knows what else, I was also being hunted for sport on and off the playground, and at one point was thrown in front of a moving bus, by primarily but not exclusively five bullies who coordinated together as a gang, with me as their favored victim. I was told I was gonna grow up and be anything I wanted to be. I didn’t wanna be a president or whatever, but I did want knowledge, and to use that knowledge to do cool things. I remember I wanted to design submarines; I remember I called the job “submarine structural engineer” to distinguish it from the kind of engineer who works aboard submarines at sea, keeping them running. (I doubt I have anything against them. I was a Trekkie kid, Scotty was awesome. I just recognized that they’re different jobs.) Later, I decided I wanted to be a psychologist. Fun fact: All these things require doing massive amounts of homework. I never ever managed to get remotely good at completing homework, and the attempts to make myself do so resulted in it becoming increasingly difficult to even look at a blank sheet of paper for leisure. The reason the bullying is relevant to this is that I was in desperate need of some source of self-esteem. I was seen as mentally challenged in a world where that’s considered a thing to be ashamed of, but was bringing home test scores that beggared belief. Due to my mental health problems, I was given an EEG and fairly comprehensive mental exams over the next decade, and one of the takeaways was that I had an IQ measured somewhere at or above 140. (The test topped out at 140 in my age range; above that was considered untestable by those means on that test.) I was a certified genius. I couldn’t do fuck-all. Say what you will about how terrible knowledge, intelligence, or any such thing may be as a source of self-esteem, it was all I supposedly had going for me. We were poor, surrounded by cockroaches, I was neurodivergent, my teachers and school administration repeatedly blamed me for any time I got the shit beaten out of me instead of (for example) (CW VIOLENCE) intervening when five kids surrounded me on the baseball diamond, closed in and herded me in a trap, and proceeded to knock me around on the ground until I wasn’t moving anymore, (OKAY DONE), saying I should just try to be normal? I did the reasonable thing, and by fourth grade started picking as many fights as other picked with me, choosing to be violent toward the other kids not to assert dominance, but to exert control over my situation. To this day, almost nobody is allowed to touch me, and due to my horror about my own capacity for violence and my OCD related to it, I do not allow myself to touch others generally either. Obviously this is exacerbating a standard Murrican problem of touch being so often restricted only to violence, and everybody here being kinda touch-starved, but honestly, if you’ve seen how Catra flinches when others touch her, and how she touches almost nobody except her beloved, and accepts only Adora’s touch without grimacing, it’s almost exactly like that.

[ID: Screenshot from Sailor Moon. Makoto Kino a.k.a. Sailor Jupiter looks to her right, off-camera, perhaps at nothing, her brow knitted, smiling very sadly over something as if trying to seem chipper and failing badly. /end ID] I have a wife and child now, and also I’m a girl? It’s wild. I try so hard not to communicate to my kid my fear of being touched. They’re gonna be a little messed up from it. One can only mitigate so much of the harm one will do to their child by accident. I love them so much. My kid’s able to argue with me, and know that, if their argument is really compelling, I might actually just... go with it. Even if it isn’t something I wanted to hear, I will be willing to apologize if I snap at them for it, and say that I actually acquiesced because they made a good point, and I wanted them to know that. I don’t like being in charge. How many parents have kids because they think, in order to be Adults, to be Actualized, they have to oppress others? I so desperately fear being such a person. I’m not; it’s the OCD. Sure, anybody could be, but still, I’m not, at present, one of those people. I just don’t seem to have that motive. I lashed out to be left alone. And somehow, I couldn’t stay alone. I needed others. And I found my best friend, my life companion, my dearest beloved, the best person in my life, who is laying in bed -- ope, she just woke up, ^_^; She’s off to her practicum.

[ID: Screenshot from Sailor Moon. Makoto Kino a.k.a. Sailor Jupiter looks down a little, smiling very sadly over something, but perhaps earnestly smiling and certainly trying to look happy. /end ID] She’s so much better at academia than I ever was. She’s not perfect in that dimension, but I don’t expect that, and don’t feel strongly about it. She’s bucking for her Master’s, and I just long to support her every step of the way, and long to hear all about it. Just a delinquent girl trying to live her best life. I can’t think of any prediction I’ve made that ever panned out. I don’t plan. I really don’t. What’s there to plan for? I don’t know how long I’ll live, I don’t know how welcome the journey down to the grave will be (probably not very; it tends to be deeply unpleasant); I just follow my geodesic, trying to see what’s around me. o/~ All I’ve got is time, nothing else is mine All I want is you and one more tomorrow Nothing lasts too long, when I turn it’s gone So I send my mind ahead and hope to follow o/~ I don’t really have any functioning sources of self-esteem. Mostly I just feel kinda... insufficient. I don’t know if I could be satisfied, I might simply always feel bad about anywhere I’m at, anything I do. Efforts to fix that always give me a headache, though I try to weather those headaches, hoping that by plowing through them and acknowledging evidence that I’m not a terrible person, that some day I’ll be able to believe it. For now, I just live day to day, crossing media items off my bucket list because it helps me satisfy curiosity and keep myself alive, trying not to feel terrible about the condition of my body or my inability to make myself do anything about it, trying to feel good about my constant efforts to improve my state of mind. I wish I could say, “some day I’ll be better,” but I don’t know that. I just don’t plan anymore. None of them ever panned out.

[limitlessimagines]

July 2022 Update (big)

A bit of a longer post. Here's a TL;DR (too long, didn't read) if you don't want to read the whole post. Don't worry if you don't!

TL;DR: I struggled with keeping the blog consistent due to a multiple factors. I took some time to reflect on the blog and the kind of changes I can make to keep it consistent, and will be implementing them immediately. Please send me your feedback if you have any, I'd greatly appreciate it.

--------------------------

Firstly, I’d like to apologize to everyone for not having posted for some time now. And even when I did, it was in an inconsistent manner. Truth is, between my real life (job, studying, projects), and writing, I’m burned out, and I have been for a really long time. It took me even longer to come to terms with it. I felt awful, just staring at my inbox as it grew in numbers.

I used to be on top of things. I had a weekly upcoming posts post where I highlighted what I was working on for the week. I had special request events that were super fun. But somewhere along the way, I lost my passion and it sucked.

Don’t get me wrong, I love writing for you guys. It makes me so happy to share my love for Apex Legends and Valorant through my writing. But sometimes it gets overwhelming. And I didn’t see how that was affecting me until recently.

But this isn’t a sad post! I promised everyone that this is a welcoming and positive space! And I mean it! Do I feel burnt out? Yeah. Do I feel overwhelmed with the blog at times? Yeah. But that kinda comes with the territory doesn’t it? People request things, and I have to find time within my daily life to answer ‘em. It doesn’t mean the blog has to struggle too.

In the last few weeks, my life has changed mostly positively after I made some decisions to move forward with some challenging things. And on top of that, I took that time to think about changes I can make to revive this blog- make it a little more consistent. Hopefully these changes will enact a positive change, and I can ride that high for months and years to come (famous last words)!

But first, here are my main takeaways and issues with the blog that need addressing:

Requests are completed at an inconsistent pace

Promises of events are not kept

Following match up march, I blew a burnout fuse, and had difficulty writing for months (and still do)

I get overwhelmed when there are too many requests

I enjoyed writing the most around the time when I made weekly upcoming posts (if you’ve stuck around since then, you know what I’m talking about). And perhaps the pandemic has had some hand in changing all this.

I do want to apologize to everyone. I love this blog so much, and I love writing for everyone. But I think I’ve been struggling a lot with keeping a consistent posting schedule for a long time now, and I don’t want to keep doing that.

With that being said, here’s the part you’re probably most interested in- the changes. These changes will be held for the rest of the year, so I can get a feel for whether or not to keep them.

All 23 requests in my inbox will be deleted, and I will be starting anew. Apologies to everyone who has waited a long time.

I’ve got a lot of headcanons and ideas that have been in my head for a while, and I’d like to get them out at a consistend pace, so hopefully you’ll enjoy them.

I will be spending a lot of time making a masterlist

Requests will only be open on the weekends (Saturday and Sunday Eastern Standard Time). This gives me a chance to not have them build up. Any requests sent in during the weekday (Mon-Fri) will be deleted. I’m sorry.

Inbox will still be open if you wanna talk with me tho!

Requests sent in on weekends will be completed during the following week. To start off, there will be two posts a week (or more, if I can handle it)

On top of that, if there are no requests that week, then I will post some that I’ve written in the past. If there are already requests in the inbox, then boom, you get a bonus one from me.

Weekly upcoming posts post will be zapped. I have been doing monthly updates for a while now, and I think they are more consistent, and have more information.

I welcome any feedback you’d like to bring to my attention, whether through my inbox, on or off anon, or through the messenger. Please do not hesitate. I’m an open book, and I want to do better for this blog!

And after all that, please look forward to a new series of hcs starting right after this post!

with cheesiness,

cheese

[caffernnn]

Final stroke spoilers: ⚠️‼️

I just saw a post on Twitter about the Haru and Rin scene and how they didn’t feel that it was that ooc of Haru. I thought I was the only one who felt that it was kind of justified on Haru’s end. Because both Rin and Ikuya put Haru and their friends through so much when they were lost and wanted to swim with Haru again. And I get that professional swimming is entirely different than what they’re used to, but it really sucks that as soon as the competition got a little hard they decided to just drop free and only swim their preferred styles. That’s got to be a slap in the face to Haru, because what was all of that other stuff about? Like Rin wanted for YEARS for Haru to swim on the world stage and after the first race is like “you’re on your own.” He honestly deserves it to be honest even if Haru would’ve never said anything to protect their friendship he was clearly thinking or thought these thoughts. For a show where Haru is the mc we rarely get to see how he feels about things. I wish we can see the movie soon, cause I really wanna see how that whole sequence takes place.

⚠️ Talking about Free! Final Stroke spoilers below the cut ⚠️

It’s wild to me (it probably shouldn’t be surprising; idk) how even going off of just spoilers, there is a clear divide in the reactions people are having to Haru’s actions in the movie, especially in reference to the sudden shift leading up to the fight with Rin. I can see why people are surprised by it on a base level because so much of his successes in DttF, paired with the camaraderie everyone seems to have for a majority of the movie, leads you to believe Haru has emotionally matured and stabilized since high school, which is true! He’s more open to change and examining his emotions, especially as he starts to grapple with a high-stakes long-term goal for what feels like the first time. With that said, all of this can be true at the same time Haru is going through a steady breakdown that can/will likely lead to burnout. So many people who’ve been put through rigorous academic programs or career training or anything else equally as intensive can attest to the frustration of feeling like every few steps forward (gaining experiential knowledge, making connections, learning more about your identity in reference to x goal, etc) are followed by a step back (exhaustion, plateaus, expectations you can’t meet, mistakes spilling out when you can’t keep repressing the negatives in the name of “productivity”). Haru was able to make it this far because he has grown and started to heal some of the cracks in his support group, but the sheer amount of pressure makes it easier for him to break, and old wounds that never fully healed have time to fester.

I probably sound like a broken record in these movie-related posts when talking about Haru getting obsessed with becoming stronger and not knowing what to do with that fairly new and overwhelming drive. I can’t be mad at Haru completely for his choices here (can’t wait to be called a Haru apologist when the movie comes out in more places jfjdjd) because he partially fell victim to circumstance. This is one of the first times Haru takes the expectations of him being a “hero” or “prodigy” into consideration, and now he’s trying to navigate the expectations of success that come with those titles while not being sure 1) what exactly they are beyond winning, and 2) not being sure if they’re actually attainable for him. Along with that, he’s putting faith in Ryuuji’s instruction and guidance because he needs someone with any sort of credibility or experience with the pro circuit to show him how to get to the top. Even though from an outside standpoint it’s easier to discredit and reject Ryuuji’s assertion that everyone at the top has to give something up to get there, there are a number of reasons Haru reconsiders the notion with everything he’s seeing. He’s seeing his newest rivals reach crazy success and strength through isolation, and Ryuuji is dangling a golden opportunity in front of his face by going to Haru in the moments where he’s most vulnerable and saying “yes, that strength you crave is possible for you, but only if you pay this specific price for it.” Nobody should bear the weight of “saving” Haru from his circumstances (especially not his friends on their own journeys… Ryuuji and other mentors watching this trainwreck can eat my shorts tho), but dealing with this ultimatum while his core support group is pushing forward through their own challenges and/or busy in another country, I can’t be too surprised when he starts to overextend himself and burst at the seams.

As far as the blow-up with Rin, I won’t say it’s fully justified, but it’s understandable. The way Haru has had to make peace with his hardships with Ikuya and Rin has largely been by atoning for his own involvement in those rifts and trying to turn over a new leaf without expecting much in return. He took the opportunities of swimming with both of them again to replace any apologies on their parts and largely made peace with it. As much as it’s going to hurt to watch, I’m interested to see this fight play out because it sounds like it addresses a problem we bring up a lot in meta analyses posts: there needs to be more explicit conversations and apologies between characters, or the closure feels flimsy and temporary at best. This fight isn’t about closure (it’s about a lot of things both involving and excluding Rin, but I ranted about that in the other spoiler post) but it’s acknowledgement after all of this time that there’s still a need for it. Having Rin back in his life as a rival and friend has held the caveat in the back of his mind that Rin will leave his side again if Haru’s friendship/rivalry stops serving all of his interests. Haru’s ultimate fear of being abandoned by people, of people using him without understanding him and then throwing him aside for someone/something else, is drastically coming back to the surface in all of his stress. Rin and Ikuya choosing to continue their pro careers with strokes that better suit their strengths isn’t abandonment, just like Makoto choosing a university in Tokyo wasn’t, but Haru is so lost in his own stress and despair that he can’t see these choices as anything but personal attacks in the moment. These choices don’t have to do with Haru and we’re never meant to hurt him (which he comes to realize by the end of each fight), but the unresolved issues mixed with his fears make him explode.

It’s not a black and white situation where only one side is in the right, and I hope whatever resolution comes in the second movie acknowledges that. Rin didn’t deserve Haru’s taunting and wrath in that moment, but I do want him to reflect on the whole mess and recognize that Haru’s in a desperate place not unlike the one he was in when he first went to Australia and seemingly cut everyone off. I want them both to consider that avoiding airing out those insecurities because it’d be uncomfortable or embarrassing ultimately led them back here, unsure how to talk about changes and concerns without first having one of them explode or hit rock bottom. They can be friends outside of swimming, I’d want them to be friends outside of swimming, but I think Haru isn’t blind to how much of their connection is reliant on intrigue in the water, and a part of him is scared that Rin won’t have a reason to stick around if they aren’t rivaling each other in the same stroke anymore.

All of this can make for a great chance of resolution in the second movie, if done well. There’s opportunity for Haru to realize that the trajectory of dreams can change, and just like Rin changing his stroke or Makoto changing his training emphasis, you can honor the parts of the dream that first inspired you while finding a path that honors the person you’ve become. There’s opportunity for Haru to break from the dangerous echo chamber he’s currently in telling him he has to do this all alone in a few ways. Maybe he’ll have a moment where he’s like “I gave up everything and still couldn’t get stronger, so now I need to get back to finding what gives me strength personally.” Maybe he’ll have a moment where he’s like “if my only option is a path paved in loneliness, I need to find a new dream.” There are so many directions the story can go in at this point, and I’m excited to see what happens next (and maybe write about the paths they don’t choose lol).

[flufflepuffle296]

Heathers au: Beautiful Songfic

This is more centred around Veronica/Marinette so not really any mentions of Heather/Heather/Heather. Sorry if someone’s done this before I apologise I just got into Heathers like two days ago. Also I changed some lyrics and took others out to make it more “realistic”. Sorry I suck at endings, it’s 5:30am rn and this is my first fic so be nice please! (I’m on mobile so I can’t add the keep reading tag so sorry if you don’t like this) xxx

I brushed down my dress: I couldn’t give them anything to criticise me over. Everything had to be perfect. I had to be perfect. Chloé sat next to me, my beautiful fiancée, slipping on her kitten heels. She may be 3 months pregnant but no Bourgeois woman would be seen wearing flats. I was in a red floor length a line dress — I grew out of my childish pink years ago, before it even went out of fashion! My hair was twisted into two plaits that were knotted together into a stylish bun at the back. Chloé meanwhile had stuck to her white and gold aesthetic, currently in a slim fitting white dress, showing off her small baby bump, decorated with gold jewellery. I rummaged through my drawers, trying to find a lipstick, when a thin book toppled out. I picked it up, and laughed fondly when I saw what it was.

My old Collège and Lycée diary.

I flipped through it, landing on the page that stuck most clearly in my mind. It was the day my class reminded me of my current reality at that time, shocking me out of a bubble that had surrounded me during the summer holidays that year.

September 1st, 1989.

Dear Diary: I believe I'm a good person. You know, I think that there's good in everyone, but—here we are! First day of senior year!

And uh... I look around at these kids that I've known all my life and I ask myself—what happened?

I bit my lip. What happened? I knew darn well what happened. Lila Rossi. She came in, flaunting her friendships and connections, a new disability every other week to cry about, another rumour about me coming out every 3 days.

Alya ended our friendship, Adrien continued to cry about Lila’s feelings. Lila just kept doing what she did best. The class gave up on changing my mind and instead decided that calling me names would be better. Because logic?!

“Freak!” “Slut!” “Burnout!” “Bug-eyes!” “Poser!” “Lard-ass!” Were the insults they liked to yell daily. Yeah, they weren’t the most creative...

We were so tiny, happy and shiny. Playing tag and getting chased. Singing and clapping, laughing and napping. Baking cookies, eating paste.

Nino and Kim used to come over to the bakery when we were kids, where we’d gorge ourselves on sweets, before celebrating our sugar rushes by chasing each other in the park and then crashing on my sofa, cuddled in blankets and laying on top of each other.

Then we got bigger, that was the trigger. Like the Huns invading Rome. Welcome to my school, this ain't no high school: This is the Thunderdome. Hold your breath and count the days, we're graduating soon. College will be paradise, if I'm not dead by June!

But I know, I know, life can be beautiful. I pray, I pray for a better way. If we changed back then, we could change again. We can be beautiful...Just not today.

I scoffed at my optimism back then. Them changing? They never did, I don’t know why I bothered trying at that point. I should’ve moved on but hey! We all make mistakes. It’s just that sometimes you make 11 friendships worth of mistakes.

“Freak!” “Slut!” “Cripple!” “Homo!” “Homo!” “Homo!”

I cringed as I read their old “insults”. They would write homophobic messages across my locker, getting Alix to spray paint a few slurs across my work after I came out as bisexual.

Things will get better soon as my letter comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown. Wake from this coma, take my diploma. Then I can blow this town. Dream of ivy-covered walls, no smoky French cafés. Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze!

I had purposefully sent out applications to universities far away from these people, from Paris. All three schools accepted me, something I can’t say about my classmates, most of whom were rejected for essays on false information (sourced by Lila) and a quick scan over the Ladyblog meant not a single newspaper would even consider my ex-best friend. Gabriel Agreste, as I later found out through my internship in America, had to bribe several schools with double tuition to get even one to accept Adrien, after he got exposed as sexual harasser and disgraced hero “Chat Noir”. I turned back to my diary, having to peel off rock hard gum from the page that someone had smeared in “revenge”.

Le Chiên Kim. Third year as linebacker and eighth year of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick.

“What did you say to me, skank?” He would yell, his fist raised in the hallway.

“Aah, nothing!” I then cowered. I may be Ladybug, but he was 150lbs of pure rage. No one can compete with that!

But I know, I know... Life can be beautiful. I pray, I pray, For a better way. We can be beautiful...

“Marinette! Wide load! Honnnnnk!”

He was the smartest guy on the football team. Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf.

“Hey! Pick that up! Right now!”

“I’m sorry, are you actually talking to me?” He used to snarl, his hands covered in sauce from knocking my tray.

I stood my ground, I had been practising for this moment. “Yes, I am. I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on me. You're a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant.”

Kim then smirked, crouching down to eye level and pressing a finger to my forehead. “You have a zit right there...” he pointed out, causing the cafeteria to laugh at my expense.

I used to ask myself “Why... Why do they hate me?”

And hear Adrien whisper “Why don't I fight back?”

Watch as Max Googled “Why do I act like such a creep?”

Listen in on Lila stamping her feet in the bathroom asking “Why won't he date me?” Clearly frustrated.

Kim panicking as he wondered “Why did I hit him?”

And Chloé sob down the phone “Why do I cry myself to sleep?”

I would stay up late, screaming, begging. At my lowest points I would cry out “Somebody hug me! Somebody fix me! Somebody save me! Send me a sign, God! Give me some hope, here! Something to live for!”

I remember when I first met my real friends. The famed trio had gone into the bathroom and I followed after them, clearly my throat.

“Who are you?”

“Uh... Marinette Dupain Cheng. I crave a boon”

“What boon?” Chloé asked, filing her nails.

“Um. Let me sit at your table, at lunch. If our class think that you guys tolerate me, then they'll leave me alone...”

Chloé threw her nail file out and began circling around me, running her hands through my hair, commenting that “For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure!” Before coming to a conclusion.

“And ya know, ya know, ya know? This could be beautiful. Mascara, maybe some lip gloss, and we're on our way. Get this girl some blush; and Kagami, I need your brush. Let's make her beautiful.” Sabrina and Kagami, chimed in, echoing her words.

“Let's make her beautiful...”

“Let’s make her beautiful...”

“Make her beautiful...Okay?” Chloé ordered, dragging me out with Kagami and Sabrina, driving me to her hotel. They sat me down, taking my hair out of its bunches and brushing it out. Kagami painted my nails a deep navy with surprising precision, manning my cuticles. Sabrina twirled my hair into a high bun, leaving a few pieces at the front to frame my face. Chloé came back from her wardrobe, throwing a blue blazer and grey skirt at me. I changed into my outfit for them, to which they clapped their hands in glee. They dragged me back to school, taking in everyone’s reactions to the new and improved me. This became my new daily outfit for the rest of the year — the class couldn’t find anything bad about it, and even if they did Chloé would threaten them with her father’s power.

I was happy with my squad. Kagami taught us Japanese and Chloé taught us American English that she’d picked up from her mother. I taught them self defence, under the guise of learning it from my mum, unknowingly training them for the day I would rip Chat Noir’s miraculous from him, before slamming it into Kagami’s palm. I needed help that day, so thrust them bee and the fox miraculous at Chloé and Sabrina respectively. They became permanent heroes, Kagami under the name “Noirette”, Chloé under the new guise of “Buttercup” and Sabrina “Renard Rouge”. Akuma attacks have never lasted more than 15 minutes since we got rid of that alley cat, and we’ve been closing in on Hawkmoth recently.

I shook my head, snapping the crude book shut, throwing the diary in the bin. Today was going to be the day I made peace with all that happened, our 10 year school reunion. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna make up with anyone, just that I will finally leave everything behind. I found my lipstick and smeared on the crimson lip, smacking my lips together. I grabbed my clutch and helped Chloé stand up, though she wobbled a little in her heels. I slid her miraculous into her updo, blowing a kiss at her as to not ruin her makeup.

We met up with Kagami and Sabrina in the hallway, Kagami in a wine red suit with gold jewellery, and Sabrina was in emerald green to compliment her red hair. We stepped into the limo awaiting us outside and set off, arriving at the school 10 minutes later. We walked up the steps, hitching up our dresses and arrived in the courtyard. It had been lit up with fairy lights, with stands of food and drinks scattered around the court. Our old classmates were huddled in small groups, whilst Mlle. Mendeleiev’s was in a large group, enjoying each other’s company after 10 years apart.

No one noticed us, until Rose pointed at me and whispered “Who’s that with Chloé?” The group turned to stare at us, trying to place my face. Adrien looked up from talking to Lila, who seemed to be flaunting a rather tacky Gabriel engagement ring, and whispered,

“Marinette?!”

The class began gossiping amongst themselves, “Marinette? Marinette? Marinette?!”

I ignored them, their childish ways were behind me, and walked up to Aurore and Mireille, fawning over their relationship. They turned Kagami, asking her about her life and squealing over her Olympic medal for fencing. I grinned as I watched my old class, happy that they had moved on from each other — well apart from Alya and Adrien, who were still hooked on Lila. I was finally, content! I thought back on my diary, one particular paragraph standing out to me at this time.

And you know, you know, you know, life can be beautiful. You hope, you dream, you pray, and you get your way! Ask me how it feels, lookin' like hell on wheels...My God, it's beautiful! I feel so beautiful... And when you're beautiful...It's a beautiful frickin' day!

Chloé boasted my achievements, my business, my awards, and the entire of Mendeleiev’s class started chanting “Marinette! Marinette! Marinette!”, much to my embarrassment. I boasted her’s in return, Sabrina revealed how far she’d come as a lawyer, Kagami swung her prized sword from side to side as she listened to us all catching up, laughing at the memories.

It really was a beautiful day.

[pinballwitxh]

get down tonight - imagine - steven hyde x oc

Get Down Tonight, KC and the Sunshine Band

summary: after accidentally slamming a door into steven hyde’s face, a fellow classmate catches his interest and he pays her a late-night visit.

warnings: drug usage and cursing

a/n: I am so glad I am writing one for Hyde, my favorite character of that 70′s show!!!  also I know all the stoner terms since I myself am a hardcore stoner.  so this was an absolute blast to write!  enjoy y’all!  there will definitely be more to this, I may make it a small series of stories with this same character and their storyline.

1976 - KENOSHA, WISCONSIN

She could see him across the dance-floor, dark and brooding yet somehow still as handsome as ever.  She rolled her eyes and turned back to talk to her friends.  Somehow she was angry at him for being so cool but so bad. 

Steven Hyde always made her furious, especially at school.

When he wasn’t getting away with skipping school or sneaking out at night, he took the punishments without a care in the world, and continued to act so stupid.  He never got in the trouble he deserved.  

“Look at that burnout, always frowning.” one of her friends scoffed.

She nodded, “It annoys me.”

“Did you see him dancing with Donna Pinciotti earlier?  Clearly she had no interest, don’t blame her.” another friend said while sipping on a water. She glanced back to the wall he was leaning against, still in the same position with the same look.

Around them couples were pouring out onto the floor.  The girl sighed when she turned back to find her friends gone.  With a huff she stood and knocked her chair over.  The disco was supposed to be the most fun place around, a place where you could find friends and a partner to dance with.

She was expecting to waltz in and find a gentlemanly boyfriend, actually.

The bathroom was empty when she slammed the door open.  For a few minutes she stood in front of the mirror examining her makeup and tightly curled hair.  She frowned to herself and thought to herself, why does no one pick me?

After giving herself a quiet reassurance she left for the exit and was surprised to hear a thud on the other side of the door when she opened it.  She sucked in a sharp breath and peered around the frame and gasped quietly.

Steven Hyde was laying on the floor with a hand to his nose, groaning just the tiniest bit.  

She stuck a hand out, took it back, stuck it out, and finally held it back to herself with a wince.  If she left before he sat up she would be in the clear, she could pretend like she hadn’t just rammed a door into his scruffy face.

She turned on her heel and began to walk away quickly but quietly, wincing at the tone of his voice when he called out, “What the hell, man?  I can hear you walking away so don’t even think about walking away,”

Dead in her tracks, she took a deep breath and turned back to face him.

“Sorry, sorry, I thought-”

“Thought you could get away?  Yeah, I saw you.” he growled as he sat up slowly with his hand still gloved over his nose, “You know hit-and-runs are illegal?”

A small smile threaten to pull at her lips but she held back, leaning down to offer him a hand.

“I said I was sorry, let me help you up,” she insisted.

Steven sighed and took her hand tightly, allowing her to help him stand.  Dizziness took over upon standing up so quickly and he screwed his eyes shut, “What does a guy have to do to get a drink around here?”

“Wouldn’t know, don’t drink really.” she said as wiped her palm on the side of her dress.

Steven scoffed, “Why am I not surprised you don’t?” he smirked.

She frowned and crossed her arms, “What does that means?”

He shook his head, “I see the way you and your posse look at me.  It doesn’t make me feel any worse about myself, ya know?  My mother already does a great job at that,”

He watched her eyes flick to the ground, a telltale sign he had gotten his point across and that he’d probably made himself look even more like a delinquent.  With a sigh he shoved his hands into his pockets, “Don’t you have a group to get back to and gossip with?”

She laughed, “They left me for the dance-floor.”

Steven nodded, “Ah, yes.  Mine as well. . .”

For a moment it was quiet and awkward between the two.  The sound of the deep bass of disco thrummed in the air and she could feel the vibrations in her bell-bottoms.

“Wanna get outta here and smoke some Mary Jane?”

“Are you INSANE?” she shrieked, earning a shushing from Steven.

“No, I’m not, and I think you’d be a little more sane if you smoked some with me.” he smirked, “I see you at school sometimes, you’re way uptight.”

She shook her head, “I don’t really know who you think I am or what I do, but that is not it.”

Steven raised his hands in defense, “I get it, I get it, just thought I’d offer since I have some to share.  Spread the love, y’know?”

“Sure, spread the love.  That’s very kind of you,” she said.

The song ended and she could hear her friends calling her name amongst the crowd.   She turned back to Steven and crossed her arms, “Well, I’m sorry I slammed a door in your face.  I hope your night gets better,” she said quietly.

Steven shoved his hands back into his pockets with a shrug, “Yeah, you too or, whatever.”

- - -

It was 11:00PM and her eyes would not stay shut.  Her brain wouldn’t power down, either.  Sleep seemed to be a distant dream for now.  With a sigh she reached over and turned her lamp back on and opened one of the books by her bed.

Not five minutes later she could hear a faint tapping her bedroom window.  The curtains were pulled over and she was not going to check who it was.  Probably one of the Kelso brothers trying to bother her as they did once in a while.

The tapping stopped for a minute and she settled back under the covers and returned to her book.

Boom boom boom.

“Hey goody-goody, wanna see how my nose looks now?”

She jumped at the voice and set her book down momentarily to sit in surprise.  Was Steven Hyde at her window?

“I don’t have all night, I can see your light is on, too.”

She scrambled out of bed and through a sweatshirt on before drawing the curtains and pulling up the blinds.  There stood Steven Hyde in full-smirk glory, leaning on her windowsill.  She winced at his bruising eye and nose, apologizing once more to him and he merely waved it off, “Makes me look tough.”

She opened the window and placed a hand at her hip, “What are you doing here?  How do you know where I live?” she questioned angrily.

Steven shrugged, “Not that hard to look up an address.  Plus I was bored, couldn’t sleep.  Looks like we’ve got the same issue,” he grinned.

She crossed her arms, “Well I’m not letting you in here, I know what this means.  Kelso’s tried it thousands of times-”

“First off, I’m not Kelso.  Second, you don’t have to let me in.  I’m fine standin’ out here by myself.  And third,” he paused to reach into his jacket pocket and pulled out a freshly rolled joint, “Sometimes smoking alone isn’t all that fun.”

“What about that group you’re always with, Eric Forman? Kelso, that foreign kid?  And Donna Pinciotii. . .why don’t you go smoke with them?”

“Already did.”

“Well go do it again,”

“Nah, it was getting boring.  Plus, it’s hard to talk over Jackie Burkhart’s constant whining and her lips all over Kelso’s.”

The girl nodded silently and looked away, “Well I’m not gonna smoke it.”

“Fine, more for me.” he said as he pulled a lighter from his pocket, “D’ya mind?”

She looked behind her and made sure the door was locked before giving him the okay.  He grinned at her approval and brought the lighter up to his face, holding the finely rolled joint between his lips.  

Which she was currently staring at and couldn’t seem to tear her eyes from.

The smell hit her first and she recoiled, “Why does it smell like a skunk?”

Steven laughed and took a drag, “I love it.”

“How could you smoke something that smells like that?” 

He shrugged his shoulders, “I guess you just get used to it, you learn to appreciate it the more you smoke.  You can smell the nature in it, y’know?  It’s a flower anyways, it’s got a sort-of earthy smell to it before you light up.”

She laughed, “You really are a stoner like they say,”

“What else do they say?” he asked, leaning closer to her from the windowsill.

She looked away, “A lot of things. . .”

“I’ve got all the time right now, sweetheart.”

“Don’t call me that,” she pointed at him, “Besides, none of it’s really nice anyways.”

“You think I care what a bunch of school girls think about me?” he said defensively, “I can assure you I have been called worse.”

“Don’t say that-”

“Why, cause it makes you uncomfortable to hear about how shitty my life is compared to yours?”

“No,” she said firmly, glaring at him.

He scoffed, “Okay, I’ll spare you the sob story then.”

“Why are you here, Steven?”

“Oh god don’t call me that, please.  Just call me Hyde, everyone else does.”

“Alright then, Hyde, why are you here smoking a joint at my window?” she asked as she stepped closer, arms still crossed over her chest.

He took another long drag and looked away for a minute, letting the wind carry the smoke from his lips in beautiful swirls and ripples.  She wondered for a moment if he could blow smoke rings, and how cool that would actually kinda be.

“To tell you the truth I don’t really know, but part of me wants to corrupt that good girl inside of you-”

“Gross, that is so typical!  All boys want is-”

“I’m not Kelso, remember?  And I don’t mean it in that way. . .at least not yet,” he waggled his eyebrows, “I just think you’re an interesting person, is that such a crime?”

She shook her head, “No, it isn’t.”

“Maybe I just wanna show you I’m not the guy your friends think I am.” he said quietly, looking away to take another puff.

For a few more minutes he sucked on his joint while she watched and awkwardly shifted her weight on her legs.  He was making her feel so guilty and she figured it was his intention.  One more time he offered her the joint and she passed, he simply shrugged his shoulders again and finished it.

He bent down to put out the smoking joint and stashed the roach in his pocket, “Don’t worry, I wont leave any evidence that I’ve been here,”

“Well, thank you for the conversation but I should be going to bed.”

Steven rubbed his hands together and smiled, “Alright, I’ll see ya tomorrow at the same time.”

He left before she could question his statement. 

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Hey, I'm doing good too. Just normal amounts of stressful stuff right now. Just moved to a country I've never been to before but can't complain, things are not as hard as the last time I did this so. Thanks for asking! Yeah, I saw you posting about some pretty scary health issues before, I'm glad you came out of that alive and hope you're healthier now!

The nerve some people have! Haha I know I would be pissed if people were questioning my intelligence like that especially after a couple of drinks in haha. Though I do like taunting people when I play group games, I'll be like "don't need to try that hard guys, you're gonna lose anyway" just to mess with them or just call people sore losers if they accuse me of cheating haha (they're probably right on the accusations tho). People get real mad sometimes it's kinda funny. 😂

Omg literally laughed out loud reading this! Hahaha, how did you manage to fall over a road sign then end up in a ditch? lol omg hope you didn't get hurt too bad 😂 I was trying to downplay my drunken escapades but since you shared yours I should tell you my worst one:

I was at this summer street party at night and got drunk on something made out of tropical herbs and cachaça (which is about 48% alcohol), drank 3 and a half bottles of that like it was apple juice, made friends with a bunch of strangers in a bathroom queue (who tried to talk to me weeks later but I had no idea who they were), had to be held by my best friend while I peed (mostly missing the toilet), fell in the middle of the street and scraped my knee, threatened this boy who was helping me walk and told him not to try anything funny or I would beat him up, then dragged my friends to the beach and left them shortly after to go make out with my ex, came back with lipstick all over my mouth and chin and when my friends asked what I was doing I said I was just talking to my ex and they were like NO YOU WERE NOT, hahaha then I kissed all my girl friends on a dare and we danced under the full moon, then I told my best friend I had to puke so she took me to the ocean but I changed my mind and happened to step on a dead turtle on the way back and started crying bc of it, but last month my best friend told me it was a rock I had stepped on (I believed it was a dead turtle for 7 years!). Had the worst hangover of my life the next day. ✌️✨

Ah I'm happy you liked it! I've never listened to Six musical before but it sounds fun! I can see why you like it haha made me want to dance around my apartment 💃. And hey if liking musicals is your thing then it's great, I'm sure Hozier will understand if he's not your top artist of the year. 😋 Here's my "damie" Pinterest board if you or anyone else wants to check it out, totally recommend making one if you're a visual person like me!

https://pin.it/UcHVlkq

Oh I could talk about Dani and Jamie forever I think. I love the beast in the jungle speech too and it's so painful to watch, VP delivered that beautifully, but I have to admit I'm always a crying mess from episode 1 when older Jamie starts reciting that song about being sad while waiting for her lover to return, this show is fucking cruel I hate it and love it at the same time hahaha. Omg your mom 😂 but I mean it's truly an honor to be compared to someone like Dani, no? She's really great even if she needs a little help haha (don't we all).

Aaah you're amazing! Thank you so much, I'll read this pirate AU soon!

I used to draw a lot, really loved doing it when I was a kid as I said before, and all throughout adulthood too but I haven't done that in almost a year now bc I've got a bit of a case of burnout I guess, it just takes a lot of effort to do it when it shouldn't be like that at all. I used to do fanart too, for other fandoms. Even made one for Dani x Jamie but ended up not liking how it turned out haha. I've got a lot of respect for writers and fanfic writers also! Yall can make words make sense in really interesting and beautiful ways, build worlds so enthralling I can see them vividly in my head. Writing is such an incredibly fascinating skill to have! And I guess the most important thing is that we enjoy doing these things right? Even if we think we're not particularly good at it.

Anyway, have a lovely weekend! 👋✨

Good I'm glad you're doing great but sorry you're dealing with stressful stuff!! Hope living in a new country goes well for you I'm so jealous that you've lived in different countries I'd love to live somewhere else even if just for s few years!! Awwh thank you so much I definitely came out of it alive and am feeling so much better now thank you I mean I do some pretty ditzy things so when people say it to me it's pretty deserved sometimes, I'm secretly smart and people just don't expect it so I never mind too much haha I might have to start saying the things that you do and just taunting them over it I mean, I usually do win even when they make me answer different questions so I will definitely have to start saying things like that to them Haha I love that you're just like "yeah they're probably right in their accusations" I agree seeing how mad some people get over games and stuff is funny (it's me I'm people I hate loosing games depending on what it is and I am very competitive) So it was very dark and all we had for light was my roommates flashlight on her phone but while we were walking home a friend of ours that lived else where kept texting her to make sure we were still safe (my phone as dead at this point) so while she was texting him her flashlight was facing down and someone had moved this road sign to the footpath and it was on that sits on the floor so while I couldn't see it I walked into it and fell over it but while I feel I grabbed hold of it and flipped with it and fell in a ditch with it on top of me... I was fine and was just laid laughing while my friend looked down at me and in the most northern accent ever just said "get up you dickhead." and helped me off of the floor and then asked if I was okay... and I was so it was all good!! Haha 😂 I love this drunken story that sounds like one hell of a night and is a roller coaster from start to finish!! I'm sorry you thought you had stood on a dead turtle for 7 years though, someone really should've told you that it was just a rock!! But that sounds like my kind of night!! I love nights like that... stories that will last a life time... the only down side is the hangover... luckily I have only ever had one hang over in my life and it wasn't the morning after the road sign fiasco... I felt surprisingly good the morning after that haha 😂 It's such a good musical it's about Henry VIII wives and I just love everything to do with his wives and that musical is so much fun and actually gives a little insight to the lives the six Tudor queens had away from Henry and with him because at school we're mainly just taught about him which sucks!! I loved the Hozier song and am definitely gonna have to listen to more of his stuff!! I love musicals so much I mainly listen to musical soundtracks at the minute- usually, Legally Blonde and Six on repeat haha 😂 Ooo thank you I will definitely check out this Pinterest board thanks for sending it to me!! I could talk about them forever too... since watching Bly Manor my niece has been asking me so many questions about it and I am more than happy to talk to her about it haha!! The beast in the jungle speech just breaks my heart every time I relate to it so much and VP just delivers it so beautifully!! Oh yeah now I know at the beginning that it's older Jamie I am just a wreck the whole show is just so beautiful and heart breaking at the same time I LOVE IT!! Even though it makes me sob- I keep putting myself through it!! I mean, yeah I was happy that she said it Dani is great but it was the way she said it... my mum can be something else sometimes... she said she thought Dani was like me the first time she does the accent when she says "I've fallen quite in love with London" because I just randomly do accents a lot too but it was the way she was like "She needs help... but I like her she reminds me of you" I was just like... "Should I go get help?" I still don't know the answer to my question about if I need help or not but I mean I probably do need it You're welcome I really hope you like it!! It's a

great fic I love it!! Yeah I get that if stuff starts taking too much effort and burns you out you're not gonna wanna keep doing it so it's understandable that you stopped!! I think fan art is great and I really would love to be able to do it myself but I just don't have the skill it takes!! Awwh it's a shame you didn't like the Dani x Jamie one you did I would've loved to have seen it!! Honestly there are so many talented writers out there and when I read their fics I am just in awe of the worlds they have built and the stories they have created we are so blessed in this fandom to have so many amazing writers and so many amazing fics out there Oh yeah definitely its important to enjoy what you do!! I know I love writing and love writing fics for Dani and Jamie so I think I'll be doing it for a while even if I'm not great at it haha Awwh thank you very much I hope you have a great weekend too!! ☺️

[amintyworld]

Oh! Oh! For the mutual thing, in relating to tss, who would be a light side and who would be a dark side? Would any of them kinda be like Virgil who changed sides? Or maybe opposite? If you wanna go further, what would they represent too?

Alright Anon, I hope you know you inspired something amazing. Mutuals, I have here Sanders Sides OCs with each and every one of you in mind, including Icons (which is why this took a while to finish). Anyway, I hope you enjoy them and feel free to draw or write with them, and maybe come up with some ideas or designs for my own (Because I couldn't figure out a good fit to make a OC for me). Here we go, and I hope you guys enjoy! <3

Let's start out with the creativity twins (Two sides of creativity):

@h-ad3s - Instinct (Dark Side)

• Instinct represents the wild, spontaneous side of creativity - like painting or writing your feelings out, when you do something just because you want to.

• Very Impulsive at times, and because of their reckless nature can get the (what do you call it? Thomas part?) 'Thomas' in trouble a lot, leading to everyone pegging them as a dark evil troublemaker

• As with their twin, Instinct can turn into a animal at will - theirs is a raccoon.

• Found late at night rummanaging through or sleeping in garbage. 'Why, Inst? You have a bed!' 'Because. The funny smells calm me, plus I wanted to.'

• Has eaten glitter, glue, bar soap, and even a ceramic mug (No one knows how they ate the mug to this day.)

• But, when feeling sad or someone else is sad, they usually are found in raccoon form cuddled up in Protection or Imagination's lap, sleeping.

@dee-ree-vee - Passion (Light Side)

• Passion represents the creating for creation's sake side of creativity. They create not based solely on emotion, but because it brings them happiness to create. Passion represents just happiness and drive for any hobby, and the drive to improve. As well as, you guessed it, passion in Relationships as well - weather it be platonic, familial, or romantic.

• Despite being told to stay away from Instinct because they're dangerous, and that they were the 'better creativity', they still try to chat and connect with them because of their past closeness feeling like family.

• They can turn into a cat at will like Instinct, and usually use the form to sneak out and meet Instinct in the 'Creativescape', a middle between the darkscape and the mindscape, where they are crowned ruler.

• They love free time of any kind, and enjoy the constant creative drive with weekends or holiday breaks, and are usually the ones who come up with gift ideas or little surprises for Friends, Family, or SOs.

• Can get overwhelmed by expectations of always doing things right and never making a mistake, in that way being slightly jealous of their twin.

• Their favorite thing to do is help make dreams with Imagination and fight off nightmares, sometimes even Instinct joining to help.

@lightyagamisqueen - Protection (Dark side)

• Protection represents Fight or Flight as well as Anxiety, but also white lies at times to take the pain away, to protect. The lies leading them to become a Dark Side.

• Has a very hard time relaxing, leading them to get burnout quite often from their overly taxing job, and Instinct, being the only other Dark Side and who knew them well would always be there to comfort when it all became a bit too much, or when Protection was so emotionally tired they broke down and cried.

• Likewise, Protection knew Instinct too well to always be there to hug and hold closely when they felt so abandoned and alone, even confessing to them once they wish they could stop the impulses but it hurts them physically to do so, and Instinct showed them their scars.

• Protection protects and stays up often at night in the real world to protect from monsters in the closet and to hold the 'Thomas' tightly when they got too scared. They live off of coffee and redbull.

• Once didn't sleep for almost two weeks for a cram finals session, and Instinct had to help them recover.

• Cannot watch horror movies, and usually gets overly anxious and worried walking home alone at night, especially in the city.

@pastel-candies - Inner Strength (Light Side)

• Inner Strength represents Hope, and Strength to keep going when things get hard, as well as Positivity and a co-gatekeeper of emotions, the other being Inner Child. But, while Child's emotions are more fuzzy and less prominant, Inner Strength's are more intense, leading them to get very emotional at times. Also they represent ignorance, pushing bad emotions or negative thoughts away, thinking they're just getting rid of them and not realizing they're repressing.

• Has plant powers that are tied to emotions, meaning if they're happy, plants will grow around them, if they're sad or angry or upset, they turn into not just killing plants but also slightly life sucking when every other side gets close.

• Is the slightly more 'moral' one than the rest in being the one to get scared and think Instinct and Protection are being more hurtful than helpful and kick them out.

• Has their own little garden with a specific flower in their room that isn't fazed with her emotions, being infused with all the emotions that were too intense to handle, good and bad. They talk to the flower and vent when things get tricky.

• When the 'Thomas' is upset, Strength usually works with Protection sometimes when things get really low, but mostly the two switch off depending on the situation.

• Lately is having regrets and confusion over kicking the other two out, but doesn't know if inviting them back will hurt the 'Thomas'

• Is protective of Passion, Reason, and Inner Child and will do anything to make sure they're safe.

• I imagine them wearing a flower crown, I dunno-

@the-duke-of-deodorant - Reason (Light Side)

• Reason represents and helps with the process of memory and new information, as well as the leader in solving any problems, math or otherwise.

• Reason values the truth above all else and makes sure the 'Thomas' knows the truth of any situation, despite and emotions they have at the moment, leaving them and Strength to butt heads a lot.

• I picture them with a black and white checkered tie...

• Geeks/Nerds out with Passion about Star Wars, Star Trek, etc. They often binge watch many movies and shows, and.. Even have their own code?

• Tries to be there during the emotional fallout Strength gets in, and usually is talking through their door, sometimes Strength's hand sneaks out when the door opens a bit for Reason to grab.

• Teaches Child about the world, leading them to grow into a pretty stable teenager, and the two share a very familial bond.

• Doesn't really understand the whole fear of Dark Sides and visits sometimes, even once helping out Protection during their burnout.

• Is prepared - always has a first aid kit handy and helped Raccoon Instinct when they got a nail stuck in their paw and couldn't transform back.

@antisocialdragonenby - Imagination (In the Middle)

• Imagination is the main gatekeeper of all dreams and daydreams, and has complete creative control in the Creative scape, making anything they imagine in their mind come to life there.

• Could have been ruler of the Creative scape but turned it down, claiming it wasn't their style. Instead they live in a treehouse and chill.

• Probably the most calm in a crisis.

• Out of the Creative scape, they have a cloud they ride on and use for many things - spying on others, viewing past dreams, and viewing made up scenarios or dream scenarios they have, as well as just a hammock to nap on.

• Is well trained with their powers, and uses their imaginative strength to fight nightmares in the dreams that seem to be finding their ways in randomly.

• Is usually the one to go to for advice or just to rant to, closely followed by Reason. This is how they find out about everyone's problems, fears, and turmoil - like how Protection thought they were the ones who caused the nightmares, and Imagination calmly explained that it had nothing to do with them, that they just appear, and that it's their job to help.

• They're fun to hang around and go on adventures with. They like specifically going on adventures with Child, but will tag along with Passion and Instinct from time to time

And finally, @if-i-had-a-spoon - Inner Child (Light Side)

• Inner Child repesents your childish side, as well as childhood memories and emotions. They're the only and first side to grow up from a child when the 'Thomas' is a teen, to a teen when the 'Thomas' is a adult. As a result they're babied sometimes and always treated as the youngest.

• They love looking at older memories and remebering them, although they panicked, figuring out the memories faded as they got older.

• Always a fan of candy, and squeals at cute pet and baby clothes, even making small accessories and gifts for Raccoon Instinct, whom they called 'The trash gremlin' when they were a toddler, and for Cat Passion, whom they just called 'Pretty'.

• Always tries to hold onto stuff from childhood, especially the "Thomas" 's old teddy bear, which they have a copy of for comfort.

• Now, as a teen, they love to write poetry and draw little baby animal sketches, and listen to MCR.

• Responsible for reminencing during random times.

• Although they look young, they're just as capable and smart as the others, fighting for the 'Thomas' to be truly happy, and to be there for everyone, light or dark side.

• I picture them with light purple headphones...

And that's everyone! I hope you guys like them!

[bazz-a]

Hi, I am a new fanfic writer and I really love your work especially because you are one of the few writers that can take the Naruto world to a modern setting and do it well. I would love to know your do's a don'ts for fic writing. Like what turns you away from a fic immediately and tips about process, would be super helpful! Thank you and I look forward to reading more of your works!

hey!!!! first of all thank you so much for your kind words, I’m smiling like an idiot! I was really nervous about starting off my fanfiction career with a modern AU because I know the majority of the fandom doesn’t like that, so it’s good to know I’m doing a good job with it and still managing to be faithful to the characters!!!

ohhh god ok! so, I’m really new to the world of fanfiction too! I only started reading for real about one year ago, and I only started writing (fanfiction) in last July. I’ve been writing for eleven years ago, though, although I only shared it with a very select group of friends who also wrote and we kinda created stories with OCs, you know? and that’s soooo different from fanfiction in a sense that I never received ANY feedback for my writing from my friends since we only just did it to have fun and never published it anywhere, and I was freaking OUT when I decided to write this story. I didn’t know if my writing style was good enough for fanfiction (now I know there is absolutely no such thing, we all write differently and that’s the beauty of it), I didn’t know if I would be able to ignore negative comments, and many other things that were giving me a lot of anxiety. but I’m really really glad I decided to go through with it and I’m really happy you’re doing it too!!!! putting your writing out there is really scary but it’s really rewarding too!

ok now when it comes to tips! I think the biggest dos and don’ts I can give you are also huge cliches, but with these few months since I’ve started sharing my work I started realising how real and important they are: first of all, you write for YOURSELF above EVERYTHING else! it’s always ok to put stuff your readers wanna see and all (and they always appreciate it), but please never ever ever refrain from writing about stuff you love in fear of what people are gonna say/think about it! that’s the most important part of it, I think, doing it for your own pleasure and your own tastes above all else. that’s when our best work comes out and the passion you put into writing always shows, you know? also, something that I’ve learned since I’ve started this project and I’m still trying to deal with is: you’re always your biggest critic. and at the same time that that’s good, it is also bad. the amount of times I’ve tried to convince myself I’m doing a shit job and that I suck at this are way higher than they should be, and honestly if it weren’t for my friends who are also on this whole thing with me I’m pretty sure I would’ve dropped running out of reasons. so yeah, always listen to yourself and your desires, write what YOU want to write, but don’t listen to yourself if your subconscious starts trying to talk you out of it. I don’t know if you have friends that you include in this fandom part of your life but it’s always good to count on people for support! if not, you can count on me to hype you up! for real, I’m always here and I’d love to help with whatever I can

when it comes to tips about writing, I’m afraid that’s all I can give you! write the story the way you know you would enjoy it if you read it, your passion will always be appreciated!

when it comes to what turns me away from a fic... well there’s not much, honestly. when it comes to grammar and stuff I’m super tolerant and understanding because I’m not a native English speaker and I know the struggle (once I received a review saying I should use Grammarly bc some of my prepositions were wrong and honestly that made me so so so bad, you know?). I do know that whenever I open a fic that has no paragraph breaks it freaks me out a little bit (it’s only happened twice but I was SHOOK ahahah), but I’m pretty sure that’s all for me. 

when it comes to plot, sometimes I don’t finish a fic if it crosses a line for me. in my case it usually happens in very specific situations such as one specific fic that started dealing with non con, which I am not comfortable with, so it made me close the tab and never open it again. still, I would never say a word about it to the author because that’s the thing about fanfiction, writers have the right to write about whatever they want, and readers have the right to read about whatever they want. I hate it when someone feels the need to inform the writer that they stopped reading bc of “reasons”, bc I feel like that truly has the potential to unmotivate the creator and that’s never, ever good.

also, it really sucks to see the stats of my fic and know that the amount of people who stop reading in the first chapter is REALLY big, but at the same time it’s ok that what I wrote it’s not their cup of tea. it’s just impossible to make everyone happy, I guess, and that’s a hard pill to swallow.

now tips about process!!!!! oof now you’ve got me.... I’m terrible at processes in general. honestly. I’m terribly disorganised in every single aspect of my life, and I’ve always been that way, but somehow that’s the way I function (under complete and absolute chaos). if you’re a person who likes to stick to deadlines and feel more motivated that way, then feel free to set them on yourself! I’d also like to add that no matter what process you choose, whether organised or not, with deadlines or not, please please please be kind to yourself! I’m telling you this because I am NOT kind to myself and I know how shitty that is and I don’t want you going through the same thing! writer’s block happens, burnout happens, and sometimes you just don’t wanna write and that’s perfectly ok!

I’m SO sorry for how huge this turned out to be! I got really carried away. I hope I was able to help you at least a little, and I’d love to read your work when you publish it!!! please share it with me, ok? also, remember that I’m always here if you want support <3