#having exy on her radio show

[myboyfriendjake]

(SUB) 훠궈 도전 그리고 여름밤🌙

seola carrying wjsn rn

[ashiemochi]

pussidon - ACT II | v

✠ Pussidon ↳ sounds like trouble ↳↳ can we eat it?

➶ pairing: OC x Leon S(exy) Kennedy. ➶ genre: fluff, angst, gore, smut/suggestive themes ➶ word count: no

NOTE: ✠ = time skip ✠✠ = switching povs/characters

prev -> next

“... 90% of the population in Tall Oaks has been infected with the virus. That rounds up to 70,000 hostiles…”

The bus ride wasn’t as relaxing as So Ah thought it would be – not like she thought it’d be any different from fighting two humongous zombies back at the gunshop. The shopkeeper along with his assistant had both died leaving the area, leaving Minji trying to console the crying Nancy and Jiwoo. 

Right. 

Minji and Jiwoo.

So Ah had her arms crossed, having put her device back in her pocket, she could hear the very subtle beeping of her tracker beneath her skin. Her ears strained for Hunnigan’s update and she peaked from behind Leon’s and Helena’s shoulders. Hunnigan stopped abruptly, seeing So Ah’s face on her screen and she blinked. 

“Oh! So Ah – I see you got caught up with Helena and Leon.” 

So Ah pressed her lips into a thin line faintly when Leon took a side step for her to be more visible in front of Hunnigan. 

“It’s not by choice, also hey,” So Ah pouted a little, feigning offense and pointing to Leon’s earpiece, “How come they can communicate with you but I can’t? I thought we had something special.” 

Hunnigan chuckled lightly at her pout before shaking her head, “You're still my favourite agent, So Ah. Your earpiece is attached to the back of your radio – been there from the start.”

Leon raised an eyebrow at his fiancee as she took out her device and then flipped it over, finding her earpiece. It was similar to Leon’s and Helena’s and she blinked, sheepishly smiling as she took it out. 

“Happy?”

“Thank you, Innie.”

Helena’s nose scrunched up and looked at Leon, confused, “Innie?”

“It’s Ingrid,” Hunnigan sighed with a subtle smile before seriousness filled her tone, “No time to talk – we’ve also received word that an organization named ‘Neo-Umbrella’ just claimed responsibility for the attack.”

Neo what now?

Leon and So Ah shared a knowing look, both shocked at the revelation. The same organization that assisted in the viral attack – the same one that caused the H-Outbreak.

The girl trailed her eyes back to Hunnigan who read her fallen expression. Every moment of that night was rushing to her head. She could honestly empty her guts now if she hadn’t burned her entire meal running left and right and shooting here and there for her life. 

“Neo-Umbrella…?” So Ah whispered in disbelief and Leon scoffed to himself, looking back at Hunnigan. 

“It’s like that outbreak all over again.”

Leon was never much of a supporter of how the people named that night – The Han’s Outbreak. And it showed. He never called it by that name, always opting for just ‘that outbreak’ and if they need more specification, he’d mention California and that would be that. So Ah knew about his resentment toward anyone who goes for the term and she deeply appreciates his stance. 

Yet, she too uses the term. The Han family never moved on from what happened, similar to its victims. She still gets nightmares each time she hits the hay and the name of her late family doctor or even the mention of him would change her entire mood. She can be happy or content all she wants, but the moment someone at the DSO brings up that traumatic night, she’d want out of the room in an instant.

But she always stayed, she never left. She sucked it up, believing the blame was on her, and continued training day and night. The guilt fueled her to push her body to the limit, to take each check-up and threat and throw them into the dark abyss she calls the ‘I’ll get to it later’ box. The tracker could potentially send an electrifying surge that would destroy her spinal cord in a blink of an eye – as long as she doesn’t defy those medics that is. 

She won’t get to it. 

Not after what happened. 

Not a night goes by where Frederic Sonny doesn’t cross her mind, chastising her as he confesses his sickening infatuation with her virus; the plaga. 

But hey, that’s what therapy’s for – which she had been missing lately.

Just like she had been missing Leon.

“That’s all the news I’ve got. Now it’s your turn to help me.” Hunnigan continued, giving the Han girl a sympathetic look, “I need to know what’s in that cathedral. I’ve got suits breathing down my neck for info.”

Leon furrowed his brows, tilting his head to the side as his voice dropped an octave, “Suits?”

“Specifically, Derek C. Simmons – National security advisor.” 

That caught Helena’s attention and So Ah noticed the sour expression on her face but stayed quiet. Knowing Helena for a few hours, So Ah more so expected to be dragged around more like some dog before she’d reveal anything. Instead, she looked up when the bus seemed to slow down and saw a bright beam of light shining on them. 

“What the hell –” The driver spoke but was cut off, the helicopter talking back; demanding. 

“STOP THE BUS. I REPEAT. STOP THE BUS.” 

Leon and Helena shared a confused look as the survivors began getting antsy and Minji perked up at the sound and then looked at So Ah, eyes narrowing at the back of her head. So Ah had this habit of doing something stupid and avoiding eye contact like Hell. 

Minji knew that. She was her big sister – she knew almost everything. 

“A helicopter?” Nancy whimpered, removing her teary face from her hands, sniffling, “Are we being saved?”

“Ah, hell.” The driver cursed and then slowed the bus down when the man in the helicopter ordered again. 

The helicopter lowered itself down to the ground in front of them and Leon squinted his eyes at the emblem carved onto the side as So Ah moved silently to the bus’s door. 

“The BSAA…?” Leon muttered as Helena was just as confused.

“What are they doing here?” She muttered back then a rush of cool wind hit them from the side. 

Leon watched as his fiancee jogged up to the soldiers leaving the helicopter with their rifles up but one had his gun down when So Ah approached them. Leon was puzzled at this. Sure, he knew she was still under the BSAA’s protection but how did they know where she was?

Why was she gesturing to the bus?

And why when their eyes met did she look pensive and scared?

Then Minji stood up from her spot, picked up Jiwoo and made her way to the door. Helena called out for her yet Minji seemed apprehensive. Minji had been quiet ever since she accidentally grazed Leon’s shoulder and she was very hard to read since then. God knows what she was thinking in that head of hers. 

“Hey,” Helena’s voice stopped the eldest Han right at the door who had her eyes on her sister, “What’s going on?”

“We’ll see…” That was all she had said before leaving the bus and joining her sister. 

For a second, Helena knew what it felt like to be ‘strung along’. 

“Any updates on Chris?” So Ah asked the soldier as Minji was running up behind her and the soldier shook his head. 

“None so far, Han…” His frown mimicked the girl’s and he set his hand on her shoulder, patting it once, “Hey, our captain’s fine. Alright? Piers is working hard in trying to find him.”

So Ah huffed lightly, casting her cinnamons to the side as if helpless, “Yeah… I guess so…”

The soldier’s frown deepened and he opened his mouth but Minji caught up with them, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“We’re here to get you two somewhere safe, Miss Han.” The man said and Minji glanced at her sister then at him. 

“Us… Two?” She pointed at herself and her sister who shook her head, crossing her arms. 

“You two.” So Ah corrected, gesturing to the shivering but sleepy Jiwoo and Minji. 

Minji went quiet at this, staring at her sister who returned the gaze but dryer. Minji seemed to be contemplating something, glancing at the helicopter and then back at So Ah. 

If only So Ah was the confronter type – but alas, she was still her sister. Minji wanted her safe and fully assumed both her and her sister would be taken by the BSAA to be protected. That’s why she triggered her tracker, right?

To get them someplace safe… Unless she meant them as in Jiwoo instead of herself. 

Minji was the observant type when it came to her little sister. She had seen So Ah in action today and while she was nimble, she was also susceptible to letting her emotions take control of her. The jealousy, the waste of ammo to dull out the voices of Helena and Leon when they’d interact, and the constant habit of letting herself get hit just to heal up and save the survivor; all were noticed. 

Ultimately, she doesn’t think So Ah was fit to be on her own unofficial mission just yet. All her operations at the BSAA were team-based – she had a squad on her back and she was the marksman, meaning she rarely ever was up close with an enemy. Even Chris made sure of that – as per her family’s request. 

Minji gave her son to the soldier inside the helicopter to help put him in the seat and buckle him up then she turned to face her sister. So Ah stood there, seemingly confused as to why she wasn’t getting on the ride and gave her a look. 

“What?”

“I’m coming with.”

So Ah blinked, brows furrowing at her in disbelief, “What – no, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.” Minji stood her stance, chin subtly up for confidence as she spoke, “I can help.”

“Minji, no –” So Ah shook her head and tried to speak but Minji cut her off, knowing she was hesitating because of that accident in the gunshop.

“It was one time, but I swear I can be useful!” Minji took a step closer with such sureness in her colourful hues, “I took that creature down and I can do it again!”

“You’re not qualified for this!” So Ah’s voice rose, heart beginning to pound uncomfortably at even the thought of having her sister around. If she were to get hurt – just a small scratch – So Ah would never ever be able to forgive herself. 

Minji’s eyes shifted, straightening up with crossed arms against her chest in defiance, “And you are?”

Silence filled the air, the wind rushing like crazy with the rain pattering against their bodies. The white shirt So Ah wore felt cold against her skin as her brows furrowed again at Minji’s words. She broke eye contact with an incredulous scoff and then peaked at her through narrowed slit eyes. 

After years and years of training, she wasn’t qualified?

It hurt her more than ever to see her own family thinking she was still not ready; still weak.

“... What is that supposed to mean?”

Minji sighed at the offended tone coming from her little sister then gave her a sombre look, “Soo, I don’t think you’re fit for this yet.”

Before So Ah could even defend herself, Minji continued. 

“Your position in missions has always been far – not up close like this. You keep throwing yourself out there, taking hits left and right and you’re letting your jealousy get the best of you.”

So Ah was taken aback by this, blinking in shock at the words coming out of her mouth so straight-forwardly. It’s like she had been thinking – no, believing – it from the start. Minji’s gaze was sympathetic but firm, reminding her of her mother. Her feet took a defensive step back as her arms dropped, cheeks heating up in embarrassment at that word. 

“What jealousy?” 

He was her sunshine – he promised so. Vowed even. Leon only wants to help and figure this situation out, nothing else. Helena is just an agent and nothing more…

… Right?

Minji huffed at her feeble way of deflecting, shaking her head as she nearly scolded pointedly, “Don’t play stupid with me – I’m surprised Leon didn’t notice it.”

Anger bubbled up inside the younger Han just like the unfallen tears as she glared at her eldest sister. Tremors ran down her arms, reaching her hands as she clenched them next to her side and her sad cinnamons squinted at her hurtfully. 

She thanked the gods for the rain because at least no one will see her fall – unless they’ve got a pair of sharp perceptive azuls, then they won’t even know.

With a trembling breath, she pointed at the helicopter and she ordered, voice stern but pained, “... Get inside, Minji.”

Minji unfolded her arms, sighing exasperatedly as she took a step close, nearly pleading, “Soo, let me help –”

Like the distant thunder, So Ah cracked.

“I DON’T WANT YOUR HELP.” So Ah’s shout silenced her eldest sister as she tilted her head to the side, lips curling down in mockery, “I’m unfit for this?! I was trained for this, whether you believe it or not!”

Heaving in air, she didn’t stop – even when her inner voice was telling her to before it was too late. 

“Unfit my ass…” She scoffed, “I’m not the one who was careless and shot Leon’s shoulder. I’ve been doing everything to keep you and Jiwoo safe; this is how you repay me?!”

Minji tried to diffuse her sister’s anger by trying to hold her hands with a frown, “I care about you, Soo! You’re my little sister so, of course, I’d want you to be protected! And –”

“I’m not your little sister anymore – so stop treating me like one!”

Shut up.

“I was the one running in that god damn facility while you and our brother were safe! I’ve been through this before – not you!”

Stop it.

“And I can’t focus on keeping everyone safe when you have the knack to wander off the moment I take my fucking eyes off of you! I need you to leave, Minji!”

Please.

“Take Jiwoo and go!”

Minji’s lips parted at So Ah with dull chocolate orbs that seemed to glisten under the car lights of the bus and she narrowed them as her chest seemed to tremble when she inhaled. 

“... You think I’m a liability then… Right?”

So Ah never seemed so small before and so… Defiant. 

So scared and hurt – yet prideful.

It was a horrible mix of emotions and beliefs as it would only lead her to self-sabotage. She’d push everyone away, believing she can do things on her own without anyone’s help. It’d hurt and terrify her as she was truly convinced everyone’s eyes were on her. 

The public has never really gotten over the H-Outbreak. Everywhere she went, she’d feel the burning stares into the back of her head. Some would even have the audacity to throw a comment or two. 

“Heard she joined the military or something.”

“What a joke. She couldn’t stop her doctor in time – what makes her think she’ll be able to take on an army?”

“My son still cries whenever my late daughter is brought up… She would've been sixteen by now if it weren’t for the Hans…”

“I can’t believe she’s got the guts to even show her face around here after what she caused – does she even feel bad?”

“Her and the entire low-cause of a family should just pack their shit and go back to their country – less fucking terrorists to worry about.”

With their words running in circles around her head and Minji’s point of view, shame tugged her head down, lowering it as she whispered, voice cracking and raw, “Please… Just go with them…”

Minji went quiet, nose flaring as a tear rolled down her cheek silently, jaw locking as she spoke firmly, “... Fine. I’ll go.” 

Then she pointed at her sister with a shaking finger as disappointment oozed in her voice, “You might think you’re not my little sister anymore but,” She pointed at herself, “I’m still your big sister – whether you like it or not.”

Minji turned around and got into the helicopter where she pulled Jiwoo into her arms, all whilst refusing to look at her sister. The soldiers piled in one by one and the one in front of So Ah spared her a glance but she broke it off, shaking her head. Turning around to leave, she barely looked at him from over her shoulder. 

“Keep her safe for me…”

The soldier nodded quietly before getting in then the helicopter began rising into the air. The rushing wind practically pushed her caged tears down her cheeks and she sniffled as she got to the bus. Through her blurred vision, she watched the helicopter move further up and away and a tight sigh left her lips. 

The atmosphere of the bus was quiet and she wondered if they heard the argument because, in all honesty, her dignity wouldn’t let her live it down. She took pride in her training and getting a pat on the back with a proud smile from her captain – and whilst she was great at what she does, she assumed it was all up to her to clear the Han’s name. 

Yet something nagged in the back of her head, reminding her of her promise to keep her sister and nephew safe. And that she fulfilled. 

But why does she feel so guilty?

“Hey…”

Leon had picked up on her current state, walking toward her. Her cinnamons were red and distant as she moved to her previous spot but Leon grabbed her arm gently to both catch her attention and hold her from losing her balance when the bus began moving once more. 

Leon called for her, his other hand coming up to her other arm, “Hey, So Ah.”

She blinked at this, shaking her head a bit as she looked up at him, “Huh?”

He could recognize that familiar remorse in her teary eyes and he deeply frowned, concerned, “What was that about? Are you alright?”

My god, if he was any gentler, she could’ve sworn she’d crumble into his arms right then and there. Pride refused so. Instead, So Ah avoided his azures in shame, finding the ring on his finger more interesting to stare at. Helena looked at the couple, an unreadable frown on her lips at the sight of watching the sisters arguing with one another. 

Helena had someone waiting for her inside that cathedral to care too much about some stranger’s family relationship – but seeing that uneasy look on the youngest Han; it stirred her up the wrong way. 

Just what did she tell Minji to get her this mortified?

“I…” So Ah whispered, voice coming out tight, “I think I said something bad…”

Leon’s brows furrowed at her, tilting his head down a little to catch her eye and hear her weak voice, “What?”

“Hang on!” The bus driver ordered, breaking the atmosphere and they looked out the front window. The lights shone on a rotten zombie just dragging around and it snarled before the bus driver slammed the gas. 

Did he run over the zombie? Yeah.

But did it work out in their favour? Hell, no. 

The rain made the muddy road slippery, sliding the bus around as the driver lost control of the vehicle. The ruckus sent all survivors, including the agents, down to the ground. It knocked the agents out, emitting a yelp from So Ah when Leon had pulled her close to him to keep her safe. 

Despite him knowing about her regenerative abilities, Leon would still put his life on the line for her. 

She groaned when the bus halted, half of it nearly tipping over a hill leading to a cemetery. Lifting her head a little, her vision was swaying at the fall but she could make out Leon’s unconsciousness, similar to Helena’s.

Then the familiar cries and screams from Nancy got her attention. She was being tugged on and grabbed by the zombies coming from the windows whilst the cop was shouting out for help, more zombies from the top dragging him up. 

So Ah yelped when the bus shook again and she tumbled to the ground next to Leon who began waking up. 

And despite her regenerative abilities, she still felt the pain within her limbs and her heavy heart. 

But alas, in Helena’s words, it wasn’t the right time. 

✠

“Leon! Helena! So Ah! Are you guys alright!?” Hunnigan’s voice echoed in So Ah’s head as she observed the cemetery from her spot, leaning against the lone lamppost. 

Tired eyes looked into the graves and tombstones from her distance; well, fuck. Zombies and graveyards don’t really mix well together.

“Yeah,” Leon answered, slowly regaining his energy from the fall, “For whatever reason, we’re still alive.”

“We’re cutting through the cemetery to reach the cathedral,” Helena spoke, voice straining with her hand clutched to her side; probably growing a bruise or two.

“So Ah, do you copy?” Hunnigan asked, having not heard So Ah’s reply and she grumbled out an ‘mhm’ when Leon and Helena caught up with her. 

Leon found her leaning against the lamppost with her hand gripping onto her shoulder which was positioned awkwardly. Her damp bangs dangled in front of her face as she gazed exhaustedly at the ground. Even under the pale light, her reddening cheeks of embarrassment didn’t go unnoticed. 

“Is it… Is it broken?” Helena was understandably confused about this strange ability of the Han girl. And a bit worried but we won’t talk about that. 

“Just dislocated…” So Ah muttered before looking at them, sparing them both a glance but lingered more at her fiance, “Are you two okay?”

Leon gently held her forearm, lifting it up before pressing his other hand flat on her shoulder, picking up on her winces and muffled whines, “Yeah, nothing broken at least.”

Her brows furrowed at his little comment and he flashed her a quick smile then a dull pop reached her ears along with the pain. Her cuss died up in her throat as she keeled over, hand going to her shoulder. Helena kept her eyes out for any zombies but they would dart toward the girl from time to time. 

Leon set his hand on her nape, thumb caressing her skin there as So Ah gathered her breath, feeling the pain subside. 

“Did… Did anyone else make it?” She muttered, glancing over her aching shoulder, feebly hoping anyone would be walking – or stumbling – just fine and Leon silently shook his head with frustration in his eyes. 

She knew how much he hated it when survivors never make it out. 

‘Good thing you left your sister to be taken then,’ the voice in her head chimed annoyingly, ‘Knowing her and Jiwoo, they wouldn’t have walked out of that alive. At least not without a limb miss –’

“Come on,” Leon’s honeyed voice took her away from her inner-bullying session moment, nudging his chin ahead, “The cathedral is just past this cemetery.”

So Ah nodded lightly before giving Helena a dry look with thinned lips, “Lead the way, Harper.”

‘Jealousy isn’t a good colour on you,’

‘Shut up.’

[andreilslovechild]

So recently I've been obsessed with Hazbin Hotel like approximately half of the internet so welcome to my little idea for a Hotel Hazbin Au

Characters: Angel=Andrew, Alastor=Riko, Husk=Kevin, Nifty=Jean, Sir Pencious=Seth, Vaggie=Renee, Vox=Neil, Valentino=Drake, Velvette=Allison, Rosie=Nathan, Cherri Bomb=Nicky I'm playing around with the possibility of Charlie being Wymack but idk yet, rn charlie is James which is an OC of mine and a friends.

I'm obsessed with unrequited Vox/Alastor and Angel/Husk so Neil/riko rivalry with onesided sexual tension and maybe some hate sex and then some kandrew as well

Andrew will have much the same backstory as Angel except without the mafia family so instead of a spider hes a cat. He is in hell because he would hook up with then kill them to keep his secrets and then he'd take drugs to deal with the guilt. I haven't decided whether he died from a drug overdose or AIDS. His name would still be Angel since I'm obsessed with a pet Andrew being angel. He was "taken in" and contracted by Drake early on and he quickly becomes his favourite.

Riko is still gonna be a radio demon, but I think he died because he was too brave with his killings (still a serial killer like Alastor) and his brother killed him to make sure he didn't get the whole family caught. I think I might have his demon form be more of a raven than a deer too. Was also playing with the idea of him being the exy demon too which could be fun. He's also chained by Lillith ;)

Kevin has much the same backstory as Husk and he died from alcohol poisoning or liver failure and he used to be an overlord and got into gambling which led to his deal with Riko

Jean is based on some HCs I've seen for Nifty so he died from a couple gunshots and he used to be a butler or slave or something similar and he snapped and killed the family he worked for so that's why hes in hell. I don't really have any ideas for why he made a deal with Riko but he did.

Seth died from a drug overdose. he wants to be an overlord but hes not really that powerful so he never really gets there. He works for the NDAs (My name for the Vee's in this Au) and tries to get info for them like in the show but when he gets caught whoever plays Charlie forgives him

Renee has much the same backstory as Vaggie. She used to be an angel but she felt bad about killing demons so after letting some go her eye was stabbed out by lute and she became a fallen angel. shes not dating anyone in this au but she is the first guess and helps run the hotel.

Neil was the media person in his family, growing in popularity as a hilarious and sociable media personality. he died young when he was electrocuted by faulty wiring during a broadcast, ending up in hell and quickly climbing the ranks after meeting Drake and later Allison. He doesn't have a TV as a head but he is mostly made out of wires and kind of looks like a hologram, often glitching out and disappearing when he gets angry or overwhelmed.

Drake was a pedophile and rapist when he was alive. He ran a sex club where he often hired and took advantage of underage people and he would post videos of them being taken advantage of on the dark web. he was killed by an angry victim. After ending up in hell he made his living and climbed the ranks by becoming a famous porn producer and pimp in order to continue taking advantage of people. this is what gets Neil's attention as he owns anything to do with film and media, leading them to work together. when he finds Andrew, new to hell and looking for a place to stay and money for drugs he very quickly scoops him up and he becomes his favourite and most loved star.

Allison was the heiress to a famously rich family similar to Canon. She was controlling, mean, and obsessed with her image. She died from anorexia and quickly became popular on Voxtagram with her beautiful pics and witty captions and hashtags, quickly gaining the attention of Neil and Drake and becoming the final part of the NDAs.

Nathan was a prolific cannibalistic serial killer (a la Hannibal Lector) and he died during a police shoot-out. He ends up as the overlord of cannibal town after gaining power there and making lots of deals for many souls, becoming one of Riko's best friends too as he often frequents the area as a former cannibal himself.

Nicky is in hell because of his sexuality as well as some of the things he did while alive. after escaping his parents his morals are not very well made and he often makes bad choices that get him in deep shit. he dies after some homophobes find out hes gay and beat him to death (similar to what likely would have happened at Edens if Andrew hadn't stepped in in canon). once he does arrive in hell he figures "what the hell" and kind of goes off the rails a bit with drugs, drinking, and property damage, quickly adopting Andrew under his wing, claiming he reminds him of his cousin a bit and they become very close.

That's all I have so far!!!! please add if you'd like, i always love more ideas :)

[deadliestpieceontheboard]

A Kevin and Neil bonding hc bcs I need more of those:

yes, they bond over Exy, of course. But they never really agree on some points and can get exasperated with each other very quickly

so when they find out they have something else to share, it's met with a stuned silence and unsure company

It starts with the vinyls

Wymack kept them, because why wouldn't he?

and Kevin remembers them, because why wouldn't he?

not the same copies, those are back... whatever happened to his mom's stuff, but Wymack had her favourites

and as young as he was, Kevin would never forget her favourites

and, look, Kayleigh was a sports player trying to make a co-ed bastard stickball thing happen in the 80s. Do you know what she loved? Queen

so when Wymack shows up with a box of old Queen vinyls that haven't been touched since her last visit and leaves it at his dorm along with a player, Kevin is a little boy again

it doesn't take Neil long to realize he knows those songs playing in their room. Not one or two, but most of them. And that is quite unusual

because you know who else loved Queen? Mary Hatford. Mary, who left England when they were on their peak and kept up with it as much as she could

and is not really difficult to find a Queen song playing on the radio, regardless of wherever in the world you find yourself, so she always tuned on them. Enough for Neil to learn. Enough to be one of the few nice memories he has of her

so when he quietly says to a very sensitive Kevin that his mom quite liked those songs too, neither of them knows the next step

they don't talk about feelings. They don't talk about dead moms and lost childhoods

but they sit on the floor next to an old record player and listen to music they no longer thought they could enjoy, together.

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

HALESTORM: Behind-The-Scenes Footage From Making Of 'Back From The Dead' Video

HALESTORM has shared behind-the-scenes footage from the making of the official video for the band's new single, "Back From The Dead". The track is taken from the group's upcoming fifth full-length album, due in 2022. Directed by Dustin Haney (Noah Cyrus, Luke Combs) and produced by Revolution Pictures, the clip features frontwoman Lzzy Hale and the rest of the band in a morgue and cemetery somewhere between life and death.

Lzzy says: "'Back From The Dead' is about survival, not in a physical sense, even though I know we all have been touched by death especially these last few years. This song is personal and written from a mental health perspective. I wanted to give myself and the world a hard rock song we could shout out loud as the gates opened again. I was on the edge of this world getting completely lost in oblivion, but even though it was the harder of two choices, I didn't just let the darkness and depression in my mind dig me an early grave. I didn't just sit and let it take me. I've erased my name from my headstone, so save your prayers, I'm back! I hope this song, as I pass it on to you, reminds YOU of your strength individually and that you are not alone."

She continues: "The video was so much fun to film! Dustin Haney is an amazing director. Dustin and his team really helped bring my words to life and the video is one of the most cinematic pieces we've done in years! I hope this song, as I pass it on…reminds YOU of YOUR individual strength and that you are not Alone. Raise your horns!"

By breaking rules, bucking trends, and busting down doors, HALESTORM has surged through rock 'n' roll on a singular path without compromise or apology. Along the way, the Pennsylvania-bred and Nashville-based quartet — Lzzy Hale (vocals, guitar), Arejay Hale (drums), Joe Hottinger (guitar) and Josh Smith (bass) — has collected a Grammy Award, scored successive number ones at radio, garnered multiple gold and platinum certifications, and performed to sold out crowds on five continents.

Going against the grain again in 2021, the band weathered the flames of chaos in 2020 and returned stronger than ever with their most empowering and undeniable anthems to date.

"Throughout the pandemic, I was writing a lot of melancholic and hopeless songs about the ups and downs of the world," admits Lzzy. "I've been in this group longer than I haven't been in it. We've always had shows. Even when I was 13 years old, we had a couple of bowling alley gigs once a month. This was the first time I didn't know if we would ever play again. However, I started to use music in the same way I did as a teenager—to get myself through this situation that was plaguing us all. I sidestepped and said, 'Let's keep our heads up, get our attitude back, be a light in the dark for a second, and celebrate the fact we're surviving and there's hope for the future.' So, we started to write songs that were a reminder to ourselves of who we are and what we're capable of. That became the mission statement."

In a way, it's always been the mission statement…

Since roaring to life in 1998, HALESTORM has uplifted audiences with a combination of sonic ass-kicking, provocative songwriting, and unshakable hooks. The four-piece received a Grammy Award in the category of "Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance" for "Love Bites (So Do I)". The song also minted them as the first female-fronted band to hit #1 on the Active Rock radio charts. Thus far, their discography spans two gold albums "Halestorm" and "The Strange Case Of..." , a platinum single "I Miss The Misery", and two gold singles "Here's To Us" and "I Get Off". Between surpassing one billion cumulative streams worldwide, they've notched two consecutive Top 10 debuts on the Billboard Top 200 with "Into The Wild Life" (2015) and "Vicious" (2018). The latter represented a critical high watermark with Rolling Stone citing it as "a muscular, adventurous, and especially relevant rock record." In its wake, "Uncomfortable" emerged as their fourth #1 at rock radio and earned their second Grammy Award nomination, while Loudwire christened HALESTORM "Rock Artist Of The Decade" in 2019. Not to mention, they have supported everyone from HEAVEN & HELL and Alice Cooper to Joan Jett on the road.

Even as the world went dormant during 2020, Lzzy remained prolific. She lent her voice to collaborations with everyone from Dee Snider of TWISTED SISTER, IN THIS MOMENT, APOCALYPTICA, and Mark Morton of LAMB OF GOD to EVANESCENCE, Cory Marks, and Mongolian phenomenon THE HU. Additionally, she joined forces with a trio of legends — Corey Taylor of SLIPKNOT, Scott Ian of ANTHRAX and original SLAYER drummer Dave Lombardo — for the theme song to Netflix's "Thunder Force". Plus, the group contributed a cover of THE WHO's "Long Live Rock" to the documentary of the same name. Expanding her presence across television, she hosted the AXS TV "A Year In Music" series, joined the cast of Hit Parader's "No Cover" as a judge, provided the singing voice for Bella Thorne in the Prime Video hit "Paradise City" and launched her own show "Raise Your Horns" on Rolling Live. On the channel, she appeared in Mike Garson's David Bowie tribute with a performance of "Moonage Daydream" alongside Broadway star Lena Hall. She also participated in the platform's Ronnie James Dio tribute, supporting the Stand Up And Shout Cancer Fund.

At the same time, she remained a huge proponent of encouraging the dialogue around mental health. She participated in a Grammy Mental Health panel and empowered the next generation of rock musicians as the keynote speaker at the Little Kids Rock Modern Band Summit. She also made history as Gibson Guitars' first-ever female ambassador.

"I've learned a lot about myself through all of these different projects," she admits. "I said 'yes' to various adventures, and it made me a better artist."

Working out of her home studio in Nashville, Lzzy and the band channeled this renewed spirit into the music at the onset of 2021. Collaborating with Scott Stevens of THE EXIES, the musicians hit their stride and cooked up the single 'Back From The Dead'. Dramatic distortion and drums rumble as she screams, "I'm back from the dead!" HALESTORM come out swinging as punchy verses give way to a call-and-response chorus shocked to life with a searing solo and thunderous groove.

"We needed a reintroduction," she exclaims. "We needed something that simply said, 'Hey, we're back'. The live show is the time we feel as truly alive as we can be. When you walk out on stage with your guitar strapped on, your guys are next to you, and you have an audience looking at you, it's everything. We're celebrating the fact we're all back together again. Whatever it is that was trying to destroy that part of myself and my bandmates that our fans need couldn't do it. It failed miserably. We're fucking back."

From the moment the band graced the stage at a secret Nashville gig, they were indeed "back," albeit louder, heavier, and emboldened by an unbelievable year. Amped up to jump back in, their tour schedule took shape with festival dates followed by a co-headline run with EVANESCENCE in the fall.

Readying their fifth full-length album, they're delivering the soundtrack for a world ready to roar again.

"We've lost a lot of people, but we can start healing again," she leaves off. "I appreciate the little things even more. I don't only feel this confidence in myself, but also in every one of my band members. We're not the same people, none of us could ever be. HALESTORM is my source of my joy. It's my connection. It's the closest thing to my religion. We're moving forward. With this next album, I hope we're able to create a greater sense of community. We have a beautiful opportunity. When you listen to it, I want you to feel like you can walk through any fire."

[91percentpynch]

kevin day as a singer/ songwriter

IT‘S KEVIN DAY BITCHES YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS - originally this was supposed to be a kevin day writing songs, soft wholesome au thingy, it ended up in kevaaron angst with a happy ending. but i put conan gray songs out of kevin‘s point of view as a bonus??? so it‘s still singer/ songwriter kevin??

kevin day has always loved music. he loved it when his mother sang him lullabies when he couldn‘t sleep, when they danced around the kitchen screaming the words to the song from the radio on the top of their lungs, loved it when she taught him how to play the piano and the guitar.

but like every other good thing evermore took this from him, once they snatched him and burried him alive. riko hated music, so naturally it was forbidden for all of them. no happiness, no light. only ever exy, exy, exy.

don‘t get it wrong, kevin loved exy. he was the son of exy. kayleigh found exy, kayleigh gave it to him, it was in his blood. it was in his soul. and it brought him closer to his beloved mother, to the woman who made his life good, who gave him light and happiness and left him back alone. gave him to them.

however just as exy was in his blood, so was music. so whenever he was alone with his partner he would quietly hum or sing a song his mother used to sing him.

when jean moreau arrived at the nest hell broke out. riko was jealous because kevin would spend more time with the new kid than him. kevin wouldn‘t give the king enough attention so all of his subjects had to suffer.

it got worse with every passing day, with every look that lasted just a second too long, with every conversation whispered softly in french, with every lullaby kevin would sing for jean when he was scared, with every embrace and late night talk. with every stolen kiss, they had to pay. well, jean had to pay. kevin had to remain untouched, no scar was allowed to be visible on his perfect face, on his hands or any body part visible. jean however? jean was never allowed to leave the nest, he was riko‘s, he belonged to riko like some doll he could stab or kick or do whatever he felt like to.

the day kevin told riko to stop, was the day riko lost his patience. kevin day got better in exy, he took his favourite toy away from him, he had the audacity to talk against his king.

kevin always knew riko was unpredictable when he was angry, that the world was just black and red when he was mad with anger, but he never in a million years thought that this anger would ever be against him. that he would have to feel what jean felt every single day.

but he did this day, when riko broke his hand. it was also the day when kevin decided that it was time for them to leave. for both of them, jean and him.

„we‘re going“, he whispered in french when he came back to their shared dorm room. „we‘re leaving. you and me. my father, wymack, he has an exy team on his own. the foxes. we‘re going to join them. because i will not leave you here, understood?“

„we can‘t go, he will find me and while he cannot kill you, he certainly can kill me. no one really cares about me, anyways“, jean replied.

„oh is that so? well i for that matter care about you, you beautiful french bastard and now take your five things and we‘re going“

„kevin, we can‘t. not both of us. that‘s way too suspicious“, jean tried to reason.

„darling, it‘s more suspicous when i go alone, now come. we don‘t have much time. riko will look for you soon, if he doesn‘t already. i know the way out, maybe, if we‘re fast we can go to a more growded place before he catches up on us, maybe we can even reach the bus or a taxi before he comes. we have to try, we cannot stay here. i for once must go to the hospital, the bastard broke my playing hand“

„i‘ll make sure he won‘t come after you, you go. go and forget me. go and leave me alone. it‘s only a few more months before i go, only a few more months before it‘s all over. you don‘t have to watch that. just, go“, jean said, his voice tired and filled with emotion.

„i will get you out of here and you will give live a chance. i promis you will see the sun again“, kevin replied, tears running down his cheeks as he leaned in for one last kiss. „i love you“, he whispered into the darkness as he turned to go. kevin never heard the reply, he wasn‘t sure he wanted to.

so kevin tiptoed to the backdoor and left. just like that. until this day he didn‘t know what jean had to go through for him to be able to leave like that but he was thankful for it nonetheless.

somehow he made his way to psu and found his place in the team. well, not exactly found a place. more like got adopted by a scary 5“0 tall, stabby boy, who promised to keep him safe, his twin brother and their cousin who scared the living crap out of him.

„what is our routine? do we have 16 hour days as well here? when is practice? and do we choose our majors ourselves or does the master choose them for us?“, kevin asked the others when they were alone in their dorm.

„do we have WHAT now?“, nicky asked. „dude, no we do not have 16 hour days, we, you know, want to like surive?“

„oh, are we allowed to listen to music or does the king not approve that?“, kevin asked instead.

„dude i don‘t know what fucked up shit they did in evermore but you‘re allowed to do whatever the fuck you want here. and dan would more be a queen, but we just call her dan or captain?“

„oh, okay“, kevin said before turning around and leaving the room. his chest tightened, his arm hurt, he just wanted back on the court. but he wasn‘t allowed on there until his left arm was doing alright, and as long as he wasn‘t on the court he couldn‘t train his right hand to play.

the only other thing that could calm him right now was music. the sound of a piano, the strings of a guitar against his fingers, the scratching of a pen against paper as the notes are written down on it.

kevin wandered through the fox tower, more lost than ever, and somehow found himself in a music room. a dusty piano stood under a bright window, an old guitar was in the corner next to an alomst ancient drum set.

almost automatically his feet brought him to the piano and he began playing. he played and played, as if his life depended on it and kevin felt calmer and lighter than he did in years. the voice of his mother was in his head, singing lullabies and placing a kiss on his forhead.

his right hand was playing the old lullabies he remebered while the left hand rested on his tigh

„that was good“, a voice said, bored and unimpressed. he turned around to see one of the twins watching him. it was the one who couldn‘t hide all of his emotions like the one with the knives.

„aaron, right?“, kevin asked, voice hoarse from crying.

„how do you tell us apart? not even nicky can tell us apart like 90% of the time and he‘s basically our mom“, aaron replied.

„well, it‘s a 50/50 chance, isn‘t it? i was just lucky“, kevin replied.

the music room became his place of safetey and calmness after that day. he would return whenever he felt lost or sad or upset. be it 2 am or the middle of the day.

and aaron would join him more and more often, may it to study because „your music helps me concentrate“ or just to watch kevin play while the sunbeams chased over his pretty face.

and if kevin slowly fell in love with aaron in those shared hours it was nobody‘s business

however it didn‘t look like aaron was into him anyways, as the joining kevin in the music room got less and less, and the time spent with kateyln from the vixens got more and more. and suddenly all of the songs kevin wrote were about aaron. all kevin thought about was aaron. he joined him in his dreams. the nightmares from evermore were replaced by kevin dying alone in a dark void while aaron laughed at him with katelyn by his side.

it was one of those late nights, one of the 2 am sessions where emotions took over and the truth was just easier to take. it was one of those nights that aaron decided to go into the music room, he didn‘t konw why. maybe it was katelyn telling him she wasn‘t into him anymore. it‘s not even been a month. or was it two? aaron never was good with telling weeks apart from days or hours. it was all the same blur of colors and voices and the ever so present need to be perfect. nothing less was acceptable.

„why would you ever kiss me? i‘m not even half as pretty. you gave her your sweater, it‘s just polyester, but you like her better, wish i were heather“, it was kevin‘s voice, like an angle, filled with pain and sadness. aaron sat down on the floor, just listening, wondering who the fuck heather was. and who the fuck would ever break his heart.

„watch as she stands with her holding your hand, put your arm ’round her shoulder, now i‘m getting colder. but how could i hate her, she‘s such an angle. but then again kinda wish she was dead, as she walks by, what a sight for sore eyes. brighter than a blue sky. she‘s got you mesmerized while i die. why would you ever kiss me? i‘m not even half as pretty. you gave her your sweater. it‘s just polyester, but you like her better. wish i were heather. wish i were heather. wish i were heather. why would you ever kiss me? i‘m not even half as pretty. you gave her your sweater it‘s just polyester, but you like her better. wish i were katelyn“, the last word was barely audible and aaron would have missed it if he wouldn‘t have moved closer to kevin while listening to his song.

„why would you want to be katelyn?“, he asked kevin as before he could stop himself.

as kevin turned around the moon let shadwos dance around his beautiful face. aaron could see that he was batteling with himself. that he was about to say something he wouldn‘t normally allow himself to say. show weakness and vulnerability when strenght was all he knew.

„because you like her better. because i want to be the one you kiss“, kevin whispered, looking at the ground. his hair falling into his face, hiding his expression.

aaron moved closer and closer. there were only a few inches between them now. softly he took kevin‘s chin in his hand and lifted it, forced him to meet his eyes. „well, what if you were heather?“, aaron asked, a small smile dancing around his lips.

„but- but katelyn is heather“, kevin whispered.

„well, kately found herself a girl. thea. she dumped me. and i‘m actually glad she did, i wanted you anyways. i just couldn‘t admit it. i thought it was wrong, unnatural. but if something this beautiful is sinful, i understand how adam was able to make the sin. if a fallen angle is wrong in god‘s eyes i have no answer what is right“

he closed the distance between them and placed a soft kiss on kevin‘s lips.

kevin, confused and drunk on the smell and taste of aaron, kissed him back. hungrier. needier.

the taller boy softly put his arms around the waist of the smaller one and pulled him closer. „you do not understand how long i‘ve been waiting to do this“, he whispered against aaron‘s lips.

„believe me, i do“.

the next day kevin took a guitar and a blanket after exy training, took aaron‘s hand and told him to come. together they went to the roof (where andrew and neil were making out, as usual) but they didn‘t mind they went to the other side, andrew‘s death glare on them but what‘s new, and filmed an accoustic version of heather kevin would then later on youtube. heather became their song (weird choice i know but it‘s the song where they kissed for the first time) and so so kevin‘s music career started.

kevin kept writing songs - mostly about aaron - throughout his exy career and published them. his fans loved his songs. his fans loved making conspiracy theories about who the songs are for. they‘re losing their shit when they found out it was aaron. after kevin retires he becomes a fulltime musician and eventually even goes on tour.

BONUS - CONAN GRAY SONGS OUT OF KEVIN‘S POV

grow - years, after evermore. after he starts therapy (and takes it seriously) and he feels like his life slowly but steadily becomes better. aaron and him have been dating for a year or two. he is ready to grow, to become his own person. to be himself and do whatever he wants. he is ready to go into the world. he is ready to show them that he queen of exy is not afraid anymore. that he is worthy and he knows it.

comfort crowd - aaron comforting kevin. aaron knowing when he needed to be with the foxes and when he needed some alone time. or some aaron-kevin-time. i do believe that the foxes becomes his comfort crowd, because they‘ve all been through shit and i refuse to believe that they wouldn‘t care about kevin as they did with neil once they learned what that poor boy had to bo through.

the story - kevin wrote that song about him and jean and the nest. the boy and the boy are him and jean. it‘s the story of their time there and the second verse is kevin‘s story of fleeing from evermore. and the refrain is a metaphor for life, because his life wasn‘t funny. or sweet. or pretty. and the „it could work for you and me. it‘s not the end of the story“ is about him and aaron. the last song verse is about jean and that he hopes that he finds his happy end with jeremy.

maniac - kevin wrote that one when katelyn came back to aaron and asked him to take her back cause the girl she thought she was madly in love with broke her heart. but aaron refused to take her back, told her to go back to her ratback and leave him alone. he‘s with kevin now and he doesn‘t need her anymore. she can‘t get him back.

affluenza - kevin wrote that for allison. i don‘t know the deep story behind that, the song just gives me allison vibes.

wish you were sober - kevin wrote that after the first party he went to with the foxes after he joined him and it‘s obviously about aaron. drunk aaron to be exactly. drunk aaron has a special place in kevin‘s heart.

the cut that always bleeds - that one was when aaron dated katelyn and told kevin about it and kevin just died a little bit inside whenever he did.

fight or flight - he wrote that before aaron told him how he felt about him. he just didn‘t know how to put his feelings into words so he just wrote that song.

lookalike - kevin wrote that before aaron and him started dating, but when jean and jeremy started to become closer. he didn‘t take that well at that time as he had a massive crush on both jean (who refused to talk to him) and jeremy (who never looked at him twice but still). and he just daydreamed about dating jeremy so much it almost felt like a betrayal when he started dating jean.

the king - honestly? aaron dating katelyn but nonetheless always coming back to kevin. kevin knows that. that‘s why he wrote the song.

(can we be friends?) - this is about jean/ jeremy when kevin didn‘t really have friends. jean/ jeremy at the time of the nest probably.

(online love) - this one‘s about jeremy. cause let‘s be honest, at least one of those songs is about jeremy.

crush culture - that one is the result of an angry 4 am song writing session when aaron dated katelyn and jj was just starting to date.

generation why - this one‘s for the millenials. his generation in this au.

heather - heather is aaron, basically he‘s talking about having a massive crush on aaron but aaron would never feel the same cuz he‘s obviously straight and madly in love with katelyn (= heather) who is just stunning and gorgeous and beautiful and so much better than kevin

overdrive - this one was written after the first time the twins and nicky took him to eden‘s. the time when kevin started to catch feelings for aaron.

[kevinexyqueen]

An fanfic where Neil starded working for the Hatfords after his mom died but he is already dating Andrew and join the foxes anyway

so, andrew and neil meet in juvie when neil was like 14

he stayed there for 3 or 4months while his mother worked some things out

and there he bonded with andrew, told him some trues (he was 14 he was not thar good at keeping secrets yet) , they make a deal, a lot of drama etc etc

and then he has to break out from the place and andrew is like

" i'm going with you"

"no, you're not"

"yes, i am"

andrew can be fucking stubborn so yeah he goes with neil

(he already knows about aaron is a way to put more distance between them)

mary is pissed off, but andrew knows to much and she was not about to kill him

and she sees the way that andrew protect neil so in the end andrew stays with them

is not like someone will put real effort in looking for a foster kid

so she shows andrew how to use a knife (I think she didn't stop teaching neil, is a too valuable habilit)

and also a gun, and i have a headcanon that Andrew is just awful with it, and neil loves to make fun of him

anyway, they protect each other, kill some people, fall in love, learns russian, spar together, normal teenager stuffs

mary does not know, andrew doesn't like her but he doesn't kill her because he knows she is the only reason neil is still alive

they started dating after a year since they meet, so neil was 15 and andrew 16

idk neils/nathaniels age makes me confuse

also, andrew convinces neil to play exy without she knowing

(btw i forgot to mention neil was stefan when thet meet and alex when seattle happens)

and well like a just said Seattle happens

and after that neil can't just keep running, he won't be responsible for Andrew death as well

sooo, yep he calls stuart

Stuart tells them all the moriyamas bullshit, etc etc

they go to the FBI, neils is officially neil abraam josten, Andrew becames andrew minyard etc

after that andrew goes to live with aaron and Neil goes to england, it was safer that way for both of them

STUART KILLS NATHAN/LOLA YEAHH

continuing, they keep dating, long distance and all, andrew goes to england every month at least and do little jobs for neil's family

neil only do some translation works and he is pretty good at making deals (the irony) so he deals with a lot of other mobs family's and is like a lot people think he should become head of the family but that's a long history

anyway, all the canon shit with Andrew happens the same way, Tilda, Nicky, he turning down the ravens and he join the foxes

but he has some Hatford people watching over him so he doesn't beat all those man alone and doesn't take his meds (just needs to see a therapist for a couple of years)

even with all the Mafia shit neil still plays exy and he is better than he is in canon since he have been practicing with andrew for a few years (and also he spars with andrew so hr is a wayyyy better fighter and he also uses the knifes cause of andrew insistence and again all the mafia shit)

anyway, the Hatfords know about them but Andrew's family/the foxes (same thing, no?) doesn't

they come with a plan to take down the moriyamas and i have that in my head but don't know how to explain

but neils deals with a lot of mafia family's right? so like if the moriyamas kill him the Hatfords and idk the chinese as well will take revenge, and the moriyamas would loose since they are dealing with a war in japan and kengo is in hospital, nathan is dead etc etc

so, too much trouble to kill neil, so neil makes a peace offer with ichirou that while he is in the eau he won't kill him or the other foxes

so like, if rikos touches them he will be carving his own grave, and thats the whole point, cause Kevin's hand proven that riko's doesn't have any self control so the fucking plan is making riko angry

and we all know how good neil is at this, andrew is not happy

so yeah, neil needs to join some exy team and of course he will join the foxes because his bf right

NOW EVERYONE FINDING OUT ABOUT NEIL

because like, they are together for years, and not as much hurt as they are in canon, they didn't feel the need to tell anyone but they also doesn't care to hide and yes they hold hand in public and things like this

now neil only come on the same day the upperclassmen return cause there was no need for him to come early

so, like a hour before the reunion in the lounge andrew is like hey everybody in the car now or you're walking

and everyone is like ???? especially when andrew makes kevin go in the backseat

and he goes to the airport and nobody understands nothing, until neil comes

and he just completely ignores everyone im the backseat (yes even Kevin) and looks at andrew >that way< and andrew is a man in love, so he leans and gives neil a quick kiss and neil smiles at him and with a fucking soft voice says "hey baby"

andrew did not blush

anyway they started driving and andrew has his hand on neils leg and aaron, nicky and kevin are just fucking shook, they have no reaction at all, no words nothing because WTF

so when neils turns and says "hey guys, i'm neil" and is meet with three shocked faces staring at him he is trying so hard not to laugh and just goes "are you all okay"

nicky's is the first to recover and well... nicky... "ANDREW, WTF, YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND, WHY DIDN'T U TOLD US, WHAT ABOUT REENE, WHAT"

andrew ignores him and turns on the radio, neil lights a cigarette and they start talking in russian

aaron doesn't say a word

anyway, neils fly was a little late so they're the last ones at the stadium

so when they enter the lounge and andrew is waking with some scary dude (because yeah neil can be pretty and scary) and when they sit in the sofa with thights to shoulders touching everyone is like what the fucking hell

aaron and nicky find some other place to sit, neil does some remark and they start talking in russian and yeah they don't know if they should ignore or no

until dan breaks the spell by asking since when andrew speaking russian and andrew just look at her completely bored until neil answers her

after that wymack (which as always is so fucking done) asks if they have some more languages to show off or if they could start

they both deadpan "yes there is" but are ignored

anyway during the reunion some try to ask questions but wymack stops them and neil and andrew just glare at the person and that's enough to make they shut up

until Aaron makes some shitty remark about both of them in german and neil goes to protective mood and roast aaron in the same language

nicky has to stop aaron from punching Neil (and andrew won the bet he made with Stuart about someone trying to punch neil before neil punches someone

and again wymack is so done

and then they break the news about the ravens coming south

which andrew and neil already know because Hatfords

andrew is still pissed off at kevin

and then neils says (on purpose) something about the moriyamas and everyone is staring at him like????

and the he just smile a little >that smile< and says "you really don't remember me kevin"

he wasn't wearing contacts or anything like that so Kevin's recognizes him

it's caos

but i'm to tired to keep writing sorry

[luci-cunt]

It’s late early and I’m supposed to be doing other things but uuuuhhhhh Nightvale-ish AFtG au

After Mary died Neil just straight up had a psychotic break. He woke up four weeks later--having met some god-like entity and subsequently eating their soul and taking all their power--wearing a chicken mask and clothes made of actual traffic cones and just walked up to Nathan and killed him by snapping his fingers and yeeting the bastard into the void

Then he walked away. 

Fast forward a couple of years and we’ve got Andrew, who’s at this point just an exhausted ex-college student. He did the whole “exy scholarship for Aaron” but then they had a big fight, Andrew walked out and he never came back

Now he works at a generic convenience store in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere and he’s just kind of floating through life

The town is weird, but Andrew’s just convinced at this point he’s having a constant mental breakdown so yeah--sure John come on in and ask if the fucking gas n’ gulp has eyedrops for your third eye for the fifth time this week--why the fuck not. 

People come in with weird pets all the time (the least weird being an actual shadow with glowing red eyes and the most weird--by far--being a chihuahua with a shockingly mild temperament)

Oh and there’s the radio

Every single station in town plays that fucking station--even personal radios--even radio apps. No matter how many times Andrew tries to put regular ass music on in the store it just makes a horrible screeching staticky noise and then his voice starts droning

It always starts off inane, and then gets weirder, but again--Andrew’s pretty sure this is all some ridiculously vivid lucid dream and he’ll wake up in the dorms at Palmetto liek nothing happened

(one thing that convinces him of this is the fact that one day he realizes he’s never left the convenience store, and when he tries to he gets a pounding headache and the resounding urge to refill the slurpee machine that’s been broken ever since Clarence’s Niece’s “dog” pissed on it and melted the entire wall)

Eventually radio man finally pays Andrew a visit--and despite his appearence the radio is still droning on over the loudspeaker. 

Neil comes up to the counter--wearing an absurd amount of those little round plastic seals that come on the mouths of bottles as rings and braceletes. 

he asks for a coconut

Andrew tells him to fuck off and stop hijacking the radio

Neil sighs but says a papaya would also do

Andrew repeats his terms

Neil agrees, Andrew slams coconut water down on the counter (he doesn’t knwo where it came from, he certainly wasn’t holding it--at least, he thinks he wasn’t)

Neil isn’t pleased, but he takes it and leaves with an ominous window rattling

The radio stops playing Neil’s show, but now it’s stuck on Polka music and Andrew wants to tear his hair out again

He tries leaving but still can’t--this time compelled to reach up into the ceiling in the bathroom and take the strangely pulsing cash ball that’s been growing up there like mold down. 

He doesn’t know how much time passes but eventually Neil comes back, this time he comes to the counter asking for a bone

Andrew asks what kind of bone

Neil says he’s not particular

Andrew can’t tell if Neil’s flirting

Neil says he’s not

Andrew wonders if he said that out loud

Neil says he didn’t

Andrew hands him a femur he’s pretty sure he wasn’t holding before and tells him to quit playing Polka

Neil leaves, the radio station changes to Christian Rock and Andrew plots to murder Neil

This time when Andrew tries to leave he throws a rock through the front window of the store front--only just now realizing he’s only ever seen the night through the windows

The hole he creates is empty, and when he reaches through it his hand starts to fold away into nothing, so he duct tapes a garbage back over the hole and puts a wet-floor sign under it to stop people from walking on the broken glass

Neil returns, this time holding a rock like it’s a child and when Andrew asks what it’s name is--for some reason--Neil says it’s nameless

Andrew wonders if that’s supposed to be a metaphor

Neil says it isn’t--shut up you don’t know what you’re talking about

Andrew was pretty sure he didn’t say that outloud

Neil says he didn’t--fuck off--stop thinking so loud your face is weird, and then he throws the rock through the hot dog warmer that only spins rotisserie chickens with too much rosemary on them. 

The music changes again, this time to a more reasonable alt. rock station, but Andrew’s still not pleased

one day Andrew takes one of the jugs of milk out of the fridge and tries to smash it on the floor but it just bounces like it’s made of rubber. When he takes a sip it still tastes like milk--oddly almondy though--he decides he’s better off without

When Neil comes in next Andrew tells him the milk is stupid and bounces, Neil says he’s stupid for thinking milk doesn’t bounce. 

Andrew wonders why there isn’t any icecream in the shop

Neil says it’s because of Mrs. Cherry’s Sunday Assault

Andrew doesn’t bother to think about how he’s pretty sure he didn’t say that out loud--but he’s pretty sure

Neil leaves without buying anything, the radio changes again, this time playing something that sounds like whale noises looped with blender noises

Andrew wants to kill Neil again

Neil comes back, Andrew doesn’t kill him, the radio changes, the milk still bounces and Archie Donovan’s chihuahua is still disconcertingly nice

One day Andrew’s throwing spoons at a wall of chewed and still sticky gum that’s suddenly always been behind the counter when Neil comes in

Andrew thinks about how much he’d kill for icecream

Neil leaves

The freezer’s suddenly stalked with ice cream

The next time Neil comes in Andrew asks if Mrs. Cherry is dealing with her rage alright and Neil tells him she’s dealing great--death does wonders for anger management

Andrew wonders if that’s a threat

Neil tells him its not

And then he explodes

He’s back next week though--or next hour or year or whatever, time moves like dog piss here

The radio has changed so much Andrew isn’t even sure if he remember what real music sounds like anymore

The doors open but it’s always night

The bell rings even though there is no bell

The slurpee machine is still broken

The wad of cash mold over the bathroom has started up again

Andrew keeps thinking he’s going to wake up

Neil asks him if he wants to

Andrew isn’t sure

Neil asks him if he really thinks he’s dreaming

Andrew isn’t sure

Neil asks him if he’s sure of anything

Andrew tells him he’s sure of wanting to murder Neil

(his voice croaks and he realizes he hasn’t used it in ages)

Neil laughs, but tells him he’s free to leave whenever he wants

And the next time Andrew goes to the door, it swings open freely

(he goes back to work the next day though)

(Neil’s back on the radio)

(this time he wishes Andrew a good morning)

(Andrew wonders if he’s losing his mind)

(Neil asks if that’s a bad thing)

(Andrew isn’t sure)

[sunsetinmyvein]

The Radio Station - Chapter Four - That’s All I Have to Say

8th of October, 2015

  Despite their best attempts to stay in touch, eventually busy schedules got the better of the both of them. They’d texted a bit initially after their night at the bar, but as soon as Matty was on tour, time differences made it difficult to keep up any form of routine. However, she knew that he’d be back in London soon enough. Surely that would be their time to catch up. She reached out to him in January when she knew he was back, hoping for the best, but his schedule was too packed between press for the album, shows and trying to see family and friends that he was obligated to catch up with whenever he was at home. So, she dropped it. And eventually, communication stopped. Her career started escalating at a much quicker pace than what it had before. The two guys who ran the usual morning peak hour shift went on to do their own thing, which left the prime-time slot open for application. She had considered applying, but before she’d even filled out the forms the station asked her directly if she wanted the position. They’d seen how much of a positive reaction she was getting on her show, it would make sense for her to fill that spot. Of course, she took it - it would be insane not to. The pay was much the same as what she was already on, but the chances for bigger and better shows at that hour were endless.

 Matty was also on his own rollercoaster of a career. The 1975 was only getting more and more popular as their debut album began reaching all corners of the planet. What they had expected wasn’t going to go much further than their circle of close friends, was suddenly spreading to places they couldn’t have even dreamed. They toured and interviewed and did meet and greets non-stop to try and keep the hype going. It wasn’t until they started properly discussing a second album release that Matty finally had to stop for a moment and take a (small) breather. He needed the time to work out what he wanted their next step to be. Once the band had the majority of the album planned out, and a few songs properly sorted, they figured it was time to start releasing some material. And in an incredibly convenient turn of events, they found themselves back at home while they were looking for a way to debut their lead track. So, what better way to get their new material out there than to broadcast it live across national radio? Of course, Matty had been pretty quick to suggest where they should do that.

  It had been over two years since he’d last been on her show. Both of them were acutely aware of that as he knocked on the glass door the morning of the interview. She hadn’t been keeping up with the band’s trajectory as much as what she had in the past, mainly for simply not having the time to. Which meant that his new look came as a slight surprise. His hair looked like he’d been letting it grow out much longer than what she’d seen on him previously. He was currently trying to tame this mop of unruly curls by having them tied back in a bun. His jeans had a big enough chunk of denim missing from them that she would’ve thought they’d deserve to be discounted for how much fabric was missing. He was wearing a floral button-up shirt, but she suspected that the buttons clearly didn’t get much use for how few of them he had done up now, his chest tattoo almost on full display. And this seemed to be in contradiction to the obscenely heavy woollen coat that was over the top of it. As he pulled her in for a tight hug, she found herself suddenly overwhelmed by the smell of stale cigarettes and wine. She hesitantly hugged him back, hoping that the scent wouldn’t linger on her own clothes.

“What’s with the shades?” She asked as he moved back, eyeing the sunglasses still perched on the bridge of his nose. It made sense for him to wear them on his way here, but she wasn’t sure if he was aware that he was still wearing them inside the studio.

“Hungover.” He answered with a shrug. She just nodded, supposing that it was a Saturday, it would make sense for him to have been out last night.

  “I can’t believe it’s been over two years!” He said as he plopped himself down across from her, setting an opaque water bottle down on the desk.

“Yeah, I think we’ve both been pretty busy.” She nodded in agreement.

“Told you that you’d get bumped up to a peak hour slot eventually.” He grinned. His smile forced an uncomfortable flutter through her chest, but she couldn’t deny that she was incredibly proud of that accomplishment.

“You did.” She smiled back. “The early mornings have been a rough routine to get into, but it’s been nice having new goals to work towards.” She nodded, thinking back for a second on all the things she’d manage to accomplish in the short time she’d been in her new role. “I’m sure you’ve got many stories of your own.”

He chuckled lightly, “Yeah, a few.” He scratched at the back of his neck as he glanced down at the table. “I’ll save them for the interview.”                                      

 Now that she had a more structured show, she had a bit more of a routine to adhere to with her interviews. Which definitely made things a lot easier. It meant that she didn’t have to wing it as much knowing each interview would have the same intros. “So, you guys played two shows at Alexandra Palace this week-” She started as the intros finished up, before Matty cut her off.

“Yeah, we’ve been in London for the last week or so for those shows.” He confirmed.

“Oh.” She said, suddenly finding a million thoughts running through her head. He’d been in London for a week already and he’d not tried to catch up? She knew he was a busy guy but a week was a long time to be stuck in a part of the country that wasn’t where you actually lived. Trying to ignore the pang of hurt in her chest, she continued, “Are you keeping busy?”

“Just trying to keep writing and recording for the new album, seeing my girlfriend when I can.” He said with a nod. Ah. Girlfriend. Suddenly not trying to get in touch made a lot more sense.

She cleared her throat before continuing, “How’s that going?” Things already felt like they didn’t flow as well as what they had the last time that they saw each other. Too much time had passed to just pick up and act like nothing had happened in that gap. She felt almost like she was back at square one, meeting this man for the first time.

“I’d rather not talk about it.” He shot back. She frowned in response. “I’m sorry, I just… don’t like discussing that stuff in interviews. Relationship problems shouldn’t be hashed out through headlines.” He explained.

  There was a pause as she tried to catch up to the path his brain had decided to take, rather than what she had intended. “I meant the album.” She corrected him.

“Ah, yeah! That’s going well.” He laughed. “We’ve been getting heaps of material recorded while we’ve been up here.”

“When will it be out?”

He hummed thoughtfully as he pushed his sunglasses back up his nose, “In about six months, I reckon. We’re thinking sometime around February.”

“That’s not too far away. I’ve heard the album described as ‘a bunch of eclectic sounds’, do you think that’s an accurate way to define it?” She questioned.

“We didn’t know what to do after the first album. I think that we made a decision that we just wanted to be truly expressive and for it to be in pursuit of the truth. That’s why the album is called I Like It When You Sleep, For You Are So Beautiful, Yet So Unaware Of It, because we were scared about making a new record. And I thought ‘you know what? I’m gonna – it’s just about making decisions. About making bold decisions.’ “ He had a look of conviction as he said this, “The record is kind of comprised of that attitude. It was called that before we’d even written any of it.”

  “That’s a very dramatic album title.” She pointed out.

“Well… we’re very dramatic boys.” He said with a grin.

“It’s definitely going to be a mouthful for anyone asking about it.”

“It was just something I said to a girlfriend of mine, at the time. It kind of laid the foundations for the bold decisions thing. If it’s called that, then there’s no rules as to what it could be. But it’s subjective, it could be perceived as quite sweet, it could be perceived as quite voyeuristic.” He answered with a shrug.

“If people weren’t aware of you guys before, having an album title like that and making bold decisions,” She emphasised the words as she quoted him, “is for sure going to get you on the map.”

He couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Yeah, that does seem to be the direction we’re headed in…” He agreed. “You know, sometimes I think about toning it down, but then I remember who I am and think… nah.” He dwelled on this for a moment, before pulling himself back on track. “The first record, the idea of being judged just wasn’t there, because nobody had heard it or was potentially gonna hear it. The preservation of that idea, and the cultivation of it in the face of this knowing of how many people are gonna hear it – that was the most important thing to the record. Writing from the purest place.”

  “It’s sounding like it will be very different from your last album.”

“Mmhm.”

“And even from what you’re saying, it sounds like this album, much like the last, will be very different within itself. In light of that, would you say the concept of genre is dead?” She asked, leaning back in her seat as she watched him process his answer.

“Yeah.” He eventually said. “They’ve never really mattered. Genres, I mean. Imagine if you woke up one morning right, and you had your record collection, and the concept of genre just didn’t exist. The purity of that experience, of listening to music without those rules, it’s like a blissful idea.” He let out a sigh before shaking his head. “I really don’t care, to be honest with you. It’s so irrelevant to me.”

She figured that was as good a time as any to segue into her next line of questioning, “It’s been a while since we had you in the studio. The last time was right after your debut self-titled album came out. But you have released the track Medicine since then.”

“Yep.”

“I feel it’s a very…” She searched for a second for the right word to describe it, “minimalistic track?”

He nodded slightly before speaking, “We wanted it to sound like Velvet Underground produced by Trevor Horn, you know? That was kind of the vibe.” He made a vague hand gesture at this. “But I wouldn’t say it’s very representative of our next record. It’s kind of a return to the sound of our EPs. It was weird with us, because for a lot of people the first thing they heard was the album. But we released that after a year of releasing EPs, which really embedded us in the musical culture we wanted to be in. We kind of came from the left field and moved slightly to the middle. But a lot of people saw us immediately with Chocolate and Girls and misinterpreted the irony of some of the kind of pop elements of that.”

  “The 1975 have definitely had their fair share of poppy radio hits.” She concurred.

“Yeah, you guys are playing us non-stop.” He chuckled.

“All of that attention on the airwaves has gotten you a few pretty awesome gigs, too. Have you got a favourite festival that you’ve played across the last few summers?” She asked as he took a swig from his water bottle.

“Glastonbury.” He answered instantly, before feeling the need to elaborate. “Uh, Glastonbury’s kind of… It’s Glastonbury. If you’re from the UK it’s kind of the festival.” He said with a pointed look. “And Glastonbury is one of the only festivals where we can walk around, because it’s so enormous. They leave you alone a little bit there. I managed to walk around kind of… freely… But we did like… pfft,” He looked like he was counting in his head for a split second, “three festivals a weekend all summer or something like that. We’ve been everywhere from Finland to Latvia to Singapore.”

“Playing so many shows now, and meeting so many people, are you finding the fans are getting kind of crazy? You guys must nearly be at boyband status in some parts of the world.”

“The shows are very intense. It’s weird because there’s a lot of young… well, you know I don’t mean young,” He scrunched his face up as he corrected himself, “when I say the main core audience is say sixteen to nineteen. But it’s a lot of young kid’s first shows. So, the first twenty-five minutes of the show is just…” He tried to find the right words, before letting out a laugh, “It’s a shit show. Just people getting pulled out, fighting, passing out… There’s so much fainting.” He answered as he began trying to pluck a hair off the microphone that was stuck to it.

  “Well, you guys might be about to cause even more passing out now.” She began, taking a glance at the clock and seeing that it was nearly halfway through their allotted interview time.

“Oh?” He mumbled in confusion.

“Because right now, we are going to give people the first listen of a brand-new track from your upcoming album.” She clarified, mostly for the sake of listeners but it seemed that Matty himself had forgotten the reason he was here.

“Oh! That’s right.”

“You heard right, folks. Coming up right now is going to be the live debut of The 1975’s new track, Love Me. Any final words Matty before it’s out there in the world?” She asked as her finger hovered over the switch to fade their audio out and switch to the music.

He thought for a second. “Nah, not really. Enjoy it, I suppose.”

  She switched off the interview track and pressed play on the new song, instantly seeing the text line overflowing with incoming messages from fans. For a second, she tried to read a few, before eventually minimising the window for now to avoid giving herself a headache. Looking back to the man sitting across from her, she had expected him to have been waiting to say something, or for him to have already been halfway through a story, but he was just staring at his phone, his headset still sitting on his head. Considering how hard it seemed to be to get in touch, she felt it would’ve been nice to have at least, you know, three minutes to try and catch up. This suddenly made the fact that he had been in London for a week without dropping a message make more sense, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Their breaks between songs had previously been filled with light hearted conversation, and now the silence just felt suffocating. Had he really changed that much in two years to not even wanna talk? She let the song play through, then played a few snippets of interview introduction to segue back into them talking before switching the microphones back on.

  “You just heard The 1975’s new song, Love Me, for the very first time. A special live debut off their new album for all of you lovely listeners. We had a lot of messages coming in from fans telling us their thoughts.” She spoke, before Matty chimed in.

“What did you think?” He asked as he leaned forward in his seat to rest his elbows on the desk.

“I liked it.” She answered truthfully.

“Did you listen to it prior to hearing it now?” He asked in curiosity.

“Yeah, I listened when it was emailed to me this morning, in case I happened to miss it this time around.” She nodded. He just let out a noise of appreciation before leaning back into his seat. “You were right, it’s very different to what you’ve done in the past.”

“We’ve made a record where every song sounds different from the other ones. Back to the concept of genre, we don’t listen to just once genre anymore. We consume whatever sounds good. So, we want to create in that same way that we consume. And we just thought that, er, our choices of songs that we put out had to be based on confidence. Bold decisions, as I said before.” He said with a dismissive wave. “I think this first track is... quite bombastic? George said to me once that ‘if we don’t go with it now, when are we going to go with it?’ And he was right. It’s a bit of a big ballsy song.”

  “That’s a pretty good way to describe it.” She agreed with a nod. “I’ve heard that there are quite a few songs on this album where, lyrically, you’re exploring a few new concepts? Like ego and sexuality. Can you elaborate on that?” She questioned.

“I think if I elaborated on a lot of stuff, it wouldn’t symbolise things in a certain way. You know, if everything was laid open. Like Medicine isn’t a love song about a girl for example,” He said that offhandedly, but suddenly she found herself thinking on what the song is about, if not that. But he continued talking over her thoughts. “but I don’t talk about those things. I like to let the music speak for itself. Erm… well, yeah. I think the idea of a conflicted sexuality is something loads of people go through. The shared experiences that loads of people go through, the shared fears of humanity like love, death. I don’t think there’s any question for anyone who knows my band that I’m slightly odd in a sexual way.” He made a face as he said this before laughing at himself. “I’m not exactly the most manly man in the world. But there’s just… stuff about sexuality and the superficiality of it and what it really means. But I’m still writing parts of it at the moment. It’s a bit of a weird time doing press right now.”

  “You always seem to have a hell of a vocabulary in your lyrics, so I’m sure whatever themes you end up writing about, you’ll end up doing it in some kind of poetic way.” She prompted, but he just continued on his own tangent.

“It’s erm… The whole point of this was…” It looked like he was struggling to find the right words as he adjusted his sunnies. “It goes back to identity, and it goes back to… there’s a lot of stuff on this record, where I’m answering questions from the first album, and I’m making references to the first album. And I’m talking about y’know, being wiser now and more naïve then. And there’s this back and forth between the album that preceded this album and this album that our fans will really, really understand the subtext of.” He said, before figuring he should probably round back to what she had said. “So, I suppose that is kind of poetic, yeah.”

“And you have that knack for imagery and storytelling through you as the main focus of the lyrics that people latch onto.”

“One of the things that I always want people to be aware of, is if I’m talking with a sense of kind of… dissatisfaction about behaviour in my songs? Is that I’m normally talking about me. It doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m saying those things. It’s often my reactions to those things being said.” He explained.

  “A few more light-hearted questions before we round out this interview.” She said as she stretched her arms above her head. Trying to maintain the same sense of chemistry that had existed in their last interview was taking its toll, she was eager for this to be over. “I’ve seen that there’s a petition going around about you guys.” Matty instantly groaned. “Will you ever play Antichrist live?” She asked.

He let out a dry laugh. “I like it lyrically, but it so doesn’t sound like us.” He huffed, before frowning. “We might play it.” He said eventually.

“I’m sure a lot of fans will be excited to hear that it’s not off the table just yet. Next one, in your travels in the last couple of years, have you met any celebrities that you’ve been starstruck by?”

“Not really… There’s been a few, but nobody I’ve been properly starstruck by.” The gears were visibly turning in his head as you could see him running through people in his mind. “I wanna meet Miley Cyrus…” He said under his breath, before looking across the desk to her. “I wanna meet her so much. Why’ve I not met her yet? I’ve met loads of people in that world that I’m not that impressed with.”

“One last question that I saw come up on the text line, if you had a biography written about yourself, what would you title it?”

“FUCKING LEGEND.” He shouted without a second thought. Eventually, once he stopped laughing, he considered the question seriously. “What would I call it..? Probably something to do with my hair. The only thing people care about is my fuckin’ hair.” He resigned as he absentmindedly brought his hand up to said hair.

  “That’s all we’ve got time for, Matty.” She said as she let out a relieved breath.

“Aw, shame.” He pouted.

“I’m sure you’ll be off to your next great adventure in no time.” She assured him, putting on the interview charisma. “But for now, it was lovely to have you on.”

“Always great to be on.” He beamed.

“All the best with recording the new album.”

“I’m sure we’ll be back out here soon.” He said with a nod, but given their track record she had a feeling that he didn’t mean that.

“That was Matthew Healy of The 1975, on the show here this morning to debut their new song Love Me off their upcoming album, I Like It When You Sleep, For You Are So Beautiful, Yet So Unaware Of It.” As she spoke, she watched out of the corner of her eye as Matty began getting up and gathering his things. “We’ll be playing it for you again in the next hour, so keep listening out if you want that replay.” She said as she queued up the next set of tracks and faded her audio out.

  Once she had taken her headset off, Matty came around to her side of the desk. He didn’t seem to dawdle as much this time waiting for her to be free to speak to him, but he also didn’t seem entirely at ease as he tried to casually sit against it. “Come out for a drink with me.” He suggested as he stole a glance at her over the rim of his sunglasses.

The abrupt offer caught her off guard and she had to think for a moment about what to say. “It’s mid-morning?” She asked in confusion. “And I’m at work?”

“After that.” He shrugged casually.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” She questioned, suddenly finding herself feeling like she knew less and less about this Matty the more he spoke today.

“What does that have to do with anything?” He asked with a frown.

That was the final straw. He’d done more than enough in the half-hour he’d been here to make her grateful that they hadn’t stayed in touch. “Look, I know you’re an attractive guy and all but that doesn’t mean you can just get away with whatever you want.” She shot back.

He suddenly had a look of surprise on his face as he tried to backpedal, “Hang on, that’s not-“

“And I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression before.” She added.

“That isn’t-“

“The interview’s over. I think you should get going.” She said finally, watching as his face fell. She expected him to look angry or defiant, to want to argue the point, but instead he just seemed… disappointed?

“Yeah... Sounds like I should.” He mumbled as he left the studio.

Taglist:  @imagine-that-100 @dot-writes @tooshhhy @robinrunsfiction @approved-by-dentists

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[ghost-in-the-stalls]

Neil Josten's Playlist Part 5 - Nicky, Aaron, and Kevin

Masterpost and link to the playlist in its entirety here

Not as much to say about these three here - they each kind of speak for themselves I think.

Nicky

18. Relief - Chris Garneau

Of all the foxes, Nicky shows Neil more music than anyone else. Typically, though, it’s music Neil isn’t super into. Nicky knows Neil isn’t into most of the stuff he shows him, but Neil will still sit and listen to it with him if he is asked and isn’t busy, so Nicky keeps doing it anyway. I can imagine Chris Garneau being one of Nicky’s favorite artists, but one he keeps close to his heart. Several of his songs just hit me like they’re talking about the trauma and just general impact of growing up queer and topics like that, and I feel like it’s stuff that would really hit Nicky.

So Nicky listens to Chris Garneau (though he never was able to listen to Halloween the same again after what happened with Drake), but he doesn’t show Neil any of the songs intentionally. But one day Neil gets out of a class early and walks in on Nicky playing this one. He opens up to Neil about how much this music means to him, and Neil decides he likes the song. He keeps it.

33. Rocket Man - Elton John

Nicky loves Elton John. It's one of the artists he usually blasts on Sunday mornings in Columbia when they're all fighting hangovers. One morning he played this one and even got Aaron and Kevin singing along a bit (they were both still a bit drunk). Neil thinks back on that day and remembers it as a good one. Andrew looks back and remembers it as one of the more annoying ones.

60. Your Song - Elton John

Neil caught Nicky quietly singing this to Erik over video chat one morning in Columbia. For as boisterous and unapologetic as Nicky is (and for as much as he's always trying to get Neil and Andrew to act more like a "normal" couple with PDA and shit) it was a very vulnerable and private moment that Neil was a bit surprised by. He didn't walk in or make himself known, but he added the song to his playlist (and sometimes plays it on the car ride back from Columbia weekends for Nicky when he knows he's missing Erik).

Aaron

43. Up the Wolves - The Mountain Goats

Aaron has a lot of anger for someone who is only 5 feet tall. Neil may find him obnoxious as hell, and may deeply resent the way he holds that anger against Andrew. But I personally feel that an intrinsic and necessary step in repairing Aaron and Andrew's relationship comes with some sort of acknowledgement from Andrew that - regardless of what Tilda deserved, and regardless of what series of events unfolded upon her death - he hurt Aaron with what he did. He made a decision that Aaron did not ask him to make, nor did he want him to do it. And Aaron has every right to hold it against him. He doesn't need to regret doing it, but he needs to understand that doing it hurt Aaron deeply. I think it takes a long time for Andrew to reach this point, and when he does I don't think Neil really gets it at first.

However, I think once Neil has accepted and understood it as much as he can (he still struggles with his own mommy issues, okay?) he begins to understand Aaron much more. This song is a bit of an enigma in a lot of ways; I've never met someone who really fully gets what it's about exactly. Even the artists themselves have vague and changeable understandings of where it came from. But the clear theme of the song is anger and resentment, and carrying forward with those feelings. Maybe you'll let them go, maybe you'll act on them. Maybe you'll just keep feeling them for a while. Who knows when the hurt will go away? You're justified in your anger, but it doesn't make it any nicer to feel. Neil doesn't fully understand Aaron, but he starts to understand how he feels, at least.

62. Such Great Heights - The Postal Service

Listen. Neil doesn't willingly think of Aaron when he hears this song. It's a very nice song and he won't let that bastard ruin it for him.

Did he have a phase where he listened to it a lot to try and get himself to not associate it with Aaron? Absolutely. Did it work? Absolutely not.

In all seriousness, there are only a few songs that make Neil think of Aaron and this is one of them SOLELY because Aaron drunkenly mentioned it was his and Katelyn's song when it came on the radio one time. Something about hearing that and then listening to the sound felt very real and human to Neil. It helps remind him that Aaron does have feelings, actually, and does have it in him to care about other people. These are good things to keep in mind when he's trying really hard not to punch Aaron in the face for Andrew's sake.

Also it has a really nice sound. So he has begrudgingly added it to his playlist and he listens to it spitefully.

64. Wake Me Up - Avicii

Neil wouldn't believe Aaron listened to music this carefree and positive if he didn't witness it himself. He learns a bit more about Aaron every day they interact (against his will of course) and this is another song that helps him understand Aaron a bit better.

He has dreams and goals and he really wants to be happy. He wants to enjoy life. And it's really fucking hard to do that for anyone in their group. Neil seeing Aaron actually hold some amount of passion or desire for something better gives him a better view of the guy. Neil guesses everyone must need some amount of optimism once in a while.

Kevin

4. Amsterdam - Guster

So obviously Neil has never been through a breakup (well I actually hc that he and Andrew almost broke up after Andrew graduated, but they pulled their asses together and that’s a post for another time). But the thing is that Kevin absolutely has! And we all know how Kevin wallows when he’s upset. And Kevin Day is a Guster fan. You cannot take that away from me. So Kevin goes through a breakup and is blasting Guster in the dorm like no one else lives there.

Now Neil is pretty observant and analytical. I mean he had to be for years, so it’s kind of just in his nature now. Most breakup songs he hears are louder and angrier and predictable to him. Not in a bad way, but he expects that they’ll pretty much usually be either angry or sad in style, neither of which he tends to be very fond of. So he heard this one and it’s more upbeat tune without being overly loud or aggressive and I think that really intrigued him. It gets stuck in your head, but it’s the kind of breakup song that - even if you are going through a breakup - leaves you just feeling pretty good! Even if it is in a bitter way. So Neil’s brain just sort of latched onto this one and kept it close. It helps that it reminds him of Kevin in a way that is so intrinsically HUMAN. He can try to be an exy player before a person all he wants, but even Kevin experiences heartbreak and frustration. He's a whole person, too - just like Neil.

40. Still - Ben Folds

Yes, Nicky and Matt made him watch Over the Hedge. Yes, that is where he found this song. Yes, it still kind of makes him think about the sad turtle. Don't tell anyone.

Seriously, though, Neil latched onto this song initially for the smooth, sad sound. Then he listened to the lyrics. It really hits him once he's captain and he suddenly has all these added responsibilities piled onto him. He now has to appear respectable and put-together, and he doesn't have room for mistakes. It doesn't help that Kevin is reminding him of their deal with the Moriyamas at literally every turn, as if Neil doesn't KNOW the stakes and the pressure on him at any given moment.

But, oh, Kevin. Neil can roll with his punches with ease because, really now. Kevin is more terrified than he ever lets on anymore. "No room for weakness", but he hits himself with that reminder before taking it to Neil. He's stubborn and frustrating, and he can be downright cruel and unreasonable. But he's hurting himself with his scathing remarks long before they leave his lips to attack anyone else. Neil thinks about this, and he doesn't have it in him to be quite as angry anymore. He sees Kevin, and he know Kevin sees him too. He just doesn't know how else to provide support, and he isn't really in a good spot to be supporting anyone else at the moment anyway. Neil can only hope that, with time, Kevin can let himself feel safe the way Neil is learning to.

56. Dance Monkey - Tones and I

Neil heard this song and applied it immediately to Kevin. He's seen first hand now how much work it is for Kevin to maintain his image and career the way he does while balancing all the baggage that comes with it. The people in the audience who root for him the strongest are the same ones who rooted for Riko and the Ravens a while back. They're the same ones who thought he lost a brother the day his abuser died, who thought joining the foxes would be a huge gut punch to his career.

There's a lot that's expected of Kevin, and there's a lot of trauma he carries that people seem to think are memories he looks back on fondly. And that's a facade he has to keep up.

Neil sees this and he knows how hard it is for Kevin. He knows.

[filteredred]

The Foxhole Court Fic Recs

In honor of Fanfic Writers Appreciation Day, here are a few fantastic works in our favorite fandom.

Signing on the Line by andrewiel @jostenminyard | When Neil Josten is offered a position as a starting striker for a professional Exy team, he feels like all of his dreams are coming true. He signs the contract, not caring about the strict morality clause that controls who he can and can't date in the public eye. Then he meets Andrew Minyard, the top-ranked goalie of a rival team, and then Neil thinks he might just have to care after all.

This fic is ah-mazing. I read it 3 times before I could let go enough to read something else. 10/10

Something in Return by reaching_my_summit @reaching-my-summit | Andrew’s final year at Palmetto State comes to a close. His future is upon him and there are plans to be made. Years ago, Neil asked Andrew to stop smoking in exchange for something. Andrew finally knows what he wants in return.

Post canon andreil happily exploring Disney World.

light fires at night (to push back the void) by inthesea | The first time Andrew realizes he wants to hear the words, Neil isn’t even doing anything. He’s just sitting there, staring at the horizon with that stupidly dramatic faraway expression of his, and letting the cigarette burn down between his fingers all the way to the filter — an outrageous waste of good nicotine, if you asked Andrew. (Or: 20+ times Andrew and Neil say I love you, and one time they say it out loud.)

Remember that fic you read that one time when Andrew counted syllables and consonants and everything about it was just. so. good? I think everyone loves this fic. This was one I read before I read the books based on kudos, then went back and read it again.

dangerous magics by SashaSea (SHCombatalade) @anneuhken | For centuries, there was a war. Then there were the Bindings (Reposted and restricted to registered AO3 users only)

If you’ve seen many fic rec lists, you may have heard of this fic. I searched high and low...and finally it’s back! If you enjoy fantasy, this one’s for you.

Ultraviolence by lscar123 @lscar123 | Neil Josten is of the most successful songwriters in the industry but years of blocking out his own personal pain and writing mind numbing radio hits have started to wear him down so he decides to take a break from it all and return to The Fox Hole, the bar he stumbled onto years ago and helped set up an open mic night at. It's there he meets Andrew Minyard, a bartender who makes an immediate impression on him. Something about Andrew tells him to run but it's either his own stubbornness or his pension for self destruction that makes him stay. Nothing in his life will ever be the same after the first night he spends back in the place he used to call home.

I. Love. Neil. In. This. Fic.

Ohana Means Family by SensationalSunburst @sensationalsunburst | He honestly thought they were going to make it.David understood that adrenaline could make time feel like it was crawling by; make seconds turn to minutes turn to lifetimes. He’d experienced it before. But when a man to his left, up next to Andrew's lot, raised a bottle high, red flushed face contorted in a sneer, he felt time slow to molasses around him.

Part of the Return of Dad!Mack series, in this one, Wymack takes a hit meant for Andrew.

Where You Lead by gluupor @gluupor | When Neil promised Kayleigh that he'd look out for Kevin if anything ever happened to her he'd never expected to be a single teenage father hiding out in a small town. Luckily the town's residents seem keen to adopt them. A Gilmore Girls AU where Kevin's a kid, Neil's his caffeine-addict father, and Andrew's a grumpy diner owner who loves them both.

Part of a just-the-right amount of sweet series set in a small town.

Skilled by wildfrancium @lexatargaryen | Neil has a talent for deactivating sensors that tell doctors when a patient takes their medication. Andrew, a famous Exy player, has a sensor that needs deactivating.

Very cool sci fi.

Kintsugi by SensationalSunburst @sensationalsunburst | “He saw our scars and thought they'd been fixed with gold, like the pottery in the book.” Neil blinked, stunned. “Kids this age are honest.” Andrew said, “They haven't learned to lie.”

This whole series (Small Angry Gardeners) is fantastic, featuring post canon andreil playing pro exy and living in the suburbs. This piece shows Kevin’s son reacting to their scars...it’s beautiful.

Crossfire by RoseGold_En @foxhole-pipe-dream | The year is 2073. Andrew and Aaron Minyard are twins born into a world with a strict one-child policy due to overpopulation. They take on a singular identity as "Adam Minyard", with only one of them allowed outside at a time. Siblings who are discovered are separated from their families and put into an eternal cryosleep. One day, Andrew disappears. Aaron and Nicky have to find him while maintaining the twins' cover. It's up to Aaron to find out who sold them out and why a bureau agent named "Neil" knows his brother's real name.

An excellent distopian au

A Mewment Like This Series by fuzzballsheltiepants @fuzzballsheltiepants | “...will the owner of the cat with the stupid name come back here? Your cat is trying to kill the vet.” And Neil and Andrew both stand up.

A continuing series of vignettes featuring pre-relationship andreil (so far), their cats Sir and King, and various aftg characters. Andrew cooks, and Neil is grateful.

Two Bros Five Feet Apart by Leahelisabeth (fortheloveofcamelot) @leahlisabeth | Jeremy's girlfriend dumps him on the eve of a romantic vacation. Jean fills in.

Jeremy and Jean fake dating on a cruise ship. Cue adorableness.

[fallingin-like]

november 21

push to talk by @alexjosten​ [requested by @nikothespoonklepto]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this is a delightfully engaging fic based on the game firewatch that follows neil as he spends a summer as a fire lookout, isolated except for radio communication with andrew, a fire lookout in the adjacent sector of the park. this is such an intense, fun, beautiful, and humorous fic.

i remember enjoying this so much as it came out, eagerly awaiting each new chapter. you drew me in so easily and deeply that i watched a whole playthrough of this game. i can fully appreciate how well you were able to translate the plot, gameplay, interactions between characters, and the stunning visuals so so seamlessly and have it aftg so well.

some parts that stood out to me:

”dusk settles on the trees like clay powder, dusting the evergreens with a red tint” woah this is such a gorgeous way of starting off this fic.

”the moon extends her helping hand to guide him out into a clearing. here, neil can see. but also, he can be seen” i love these descriptions, and our introduction to neil. 

”he ignores his sleeping bag and the strict instructions to camp at nightfall and continue during the day” ah yes, Neil I Do What I Want Josten strikes again, with little regard for what people tell him to do

”if he’s not careful, the black dirt beneath his feet could bleed crimson. the exact combination of colours he came out here to avoid” this is stunning. i am immediately drawn into this fic, wanting to know what or who exactly neil is running from, and where he’s going

”buttermilk rays whisk the shadows of leaves into a dance on the forest floor beneath his feet” !! buttermilk?? somehow that works so so well

”the irony of calling it that in his head isn’t lost on him, and he vows to avoid that comparison again” what a subtle detail, but so telling! i am pretty bad with reading tags a lot of the time, so this was a great introduction to raven!neil

”it’s as exposing as it is freeing. he can’t feel trapped when he can see for miles every way he turns” wow it’s still so early in the fic, but you’ve already done an exceptional job at justifying neil choosing to come here, to escape.

foxtrot tower is such a cute name! i love that it’s not something directly taken from the books, this name seems to fit this au so well. i know that you likely had the game as reference for the tower, but i really liked the way you describe it, you were able to establish the same tone that exists in the game, but you did it through words instead of visuals and audio, something that really impresses me

”glad to hear you’re literate enough to have read the dossier” ohmygoodness ANDREW

”andrew’s tone is playful. neil thinks it might even be flirtatious, but he doesn’t care enough right now to find out” as much as i enjoy oblivious!neil, i appreciate that this version of neil is more aware, he seems more in tune with things around him. it fits better with this story, with the isolation and only communication being through the radio

”the sky slips into a more comfortable pink, the sun laying down to rest amongst the mountains” am i ever going to get over your descriptions of the environment? i don’t think so

of course neil goes for a run, basically right after doing a super intense two day hike in one day

”andrew sounds agitated” I LOVE THIS

oh dang, neil’s panic is so sudden, i’m so immersed that i immediately felt nervous too

”it’s our job to watch the horizon, neil. it’s not my fault you’re on mine” oh this is so good

”neil doesn’t believe in coincidences. he believes in traps and ill intentions, because that’s all his life has been until now”  it’s honestly amazing how quickly the atmosphere of this fic has turned to something a little bit darker, kind of scary. we know neil as a runner, but the idea of someone finding him so soon and trying to lure him out? gives me chills

“he doesn’t realise his hands are shaking until he struggles to press the push-to-talk button” PUSH TO TALK I AM SO FOND OF FICS THAT INCLUDE THE TITLE OF THE FIC IN THEIR FIC. also shaky hands are my kryptonite

”he also takes the cleaver from the kitchen counter” NEIL I- I AM SPEECHLESS

”a small sensible part of his brain tries to convince him that there are much easier ways to kill him than leading him out in the middle of nowhere, in a forest that he told nobody from his past life that he would be living in, where he uses a new name that nobody knows” !! good to hear that neil has a sensible part of his brain LOL

”but underestimating his enemies and their taste for dramatics would be a mistake” neil of all people does have a good reason for being paranoid. i love that you have this separated as a different paragraph, i read it differently because of it and i think that it adds more gravity to the sentence

”there, he finds a lipstick-red tent, zipper teeth yawning open to reveal two pink sleeping bag tongues” the imagery!!! incredible

”he feels like a walking timebomb” yeah i am definitely nervous for neil

”’girls don’t do it for you?’ andrew’s curiosity has a hopeful slant” OHMYGOODNESS ANDREW

”andrew’s voice is a firm, solid reassurance” bless andrew

”neil never thought he’d be relieved to meet someone who didn’t like exy” i also never thought that. neil you are a changed man

ooh the backstory to the fireworks is so good! i was also thinking it was a little out of character, but this is the perfect reason that renee would let it slide!

”the stars are withering in the purpling sky” i could cry because i love your writing so much

A MAN I AM FREAKING OUT. WHO IS HE

the easygoing banter between andrew and neil is so great, their conversation is interesting and flows really well

”he’s almost home” it amazes me and really shows something about this version of neil that he’s so quick to call this tower his home

”i know i needed to do this, but i am not sure i am ready to be so alone” woah break my heart why don’t you? this hits really close to home,, how dare you make me feel emotions

”i usually take a more straightforward approach” andrew never lies, but this is the truest thing he has ever said

”they’ll probably never meet, because neil intends on spending the rest of his summer without meeting another soul, andrew included” hmmm why do i have the sneaking suspicion that this will not be the case?

”neil’s not sure what grindr is but his face heats up all the same” this sentence is a MOOD (except i do know what grindr is)

”andrew’s response is sharp like a blade. ‘why? because one of the girls called you scarface?’ neil feels himself flinch” hhh i am secretly a very big fan of scenes that include neil’s scars, so you got me here

”andrew keeps neil company on the hour hike up to the north of his sector, but his usual commentary seems a bit strained today” uhH what’s going on, i’m getting scared

DID ANDREW BRING NEIL OVER JUST SO HE CAN SEE WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE? 

ohmygoodness, neil leaving andrew pictures and a sweatshirt? so so so cute

”he imagines the fear they felt when they saw him holding it wasn’t too unlike the fear that used to paralyse him when his father, or lola, would threaten him back home” woah this is good

i would bet that allison was the one to write that letter haha i can imagine that renee is likely kind of shaken by the incident, otherwise she might not have let allison leave it behind

andrew is such a good companion for neil, calming him both by his presence and by logically explaining what could have happened to the tent. he’s an anchor

”he feels like the cleaver he had attempted to defend himself with on his first day now carries a foreboding aura” YEAH I’M GETTING PRETTY NERVOUS TOO

WAIT NATHAN IS DEAD? THANK GOODNESS

woah so interesting to learn about neil’s backstory and his reason for not going pro “his offers to join pro teams curled up like dead leaves in a fire” dang, referencing both his burns and his new job? so good

ANDREW MINYARD IMITATING A VALLEY GIRL I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE PLEASE

oo that subtle way of mentioning andrew’s memory

i am so emotional, andrew is just so so good. makes me feel all the feelings ;-;

”andrew sounds like a bristled up cat tail” CUTE!!

i am dying to know what is going on in andrew’s head, during this conversation, when he left his tower to see neil, and really, just throughout this whole fic

woah i really like the way that you had neil describe his asexuality. it’s something that i recognize in myself and i like the way that you handled it.

 >:C 

them drawing each other?? peak cute. i want that to happen to me (have someone who doesn’t know what i look like try and draw me)

”neil waits for him to say more. he doesn’t. oh. that’s why. ‘heh’” LOLOL

you know what, i actually,,, only recognized the name draco malfoy LOL

ANDREW PRETENDING THAT HE DOESN’T ACTUALLY KNOW AARON OH MY GOODNESS. I CANNOT BELIEVE HE PRETENDED TO GET HIS NAME WRONG. “i look like him. but hotter and better dressed” ANDREW HOW GOOD TO YOU DRESS YOU LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FOREST. this whole section is hilarious and really helps lighten the tone and keep things playful

”’why would i wear that?’ andrew’s response is too quick and defensive” *unintelligible screaming*

ANDREW DRAWING NEIL IN TINY RUNNING SHORTS. THIS! MAN! I CAN’T HANDLE HIM

”neil gets into the routine of falling asleep next to his radio, talking to andrew deep into the night, far past his ability to keep his eyes open. they take turns drifting off mid conversation…” this is the softest thing ever

”considering neil’s job is to prevent forest fires, there’s a certain irony in how beautiful the park is when painted the colours of flames” oh (like a good oh)

ANDREW REJECTING NEIL REALLY JUST BROKE MY HEART WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME

”his heart tumbles from his chest and falls to the bottom of the ravine. he doesn’t understand why it was so close to the railings of his ribcage in the first place” this is so so beautiful even though it’s describing something so sad. makes me feel achy

drunk andrew. how is it that you, alexjosten, seem to know everything that i love in a fic?

”neil’s cabin floods with light. how real is neil josten without nathaniel wesninski filling his shell? with a snap, it’s gone.” uh this is so incredible, i love how you split everything up into its own paragraph, their conversation so similar to the storm. ugh i can’t get enough

”still, neil feels the change: the undeniable part of him where his branches have been torn asunder and his bark has been scorched away to expose his core” every time i think that this sentence is the best, and every time you blow me away again. i can’t describe how this sentence makes me feel

the scene of neil rescuing allison and renee fills me with adrenaline, it’s so intense

having the girls recognize neil was like being trapped in a nightmare, there was nothing i could do but read on and see how it ends. dajsflks. but also i really hope that neil got back his jacket and sweater lol

WHAT IN THE WORLD NEIL HAVING TO PLAY A GAME ON CODEINE, RIKO TRYING TO KILL NEIL ON TV, THIS IS SO INTENSE. also, i love what you’ve done with this

dang, how does andrew know kevin?

andrew’s gifts for neil are so cute. i am here just freaking out!!!!

A PUFFBALL DANDELION 

“you sweet, sheltered city child” oh my goodness adorable

”you’re going to go nuts when i tell you what a caterpillar turns into” ANDREW

THE BEAR. THE JUMP

honestly, i’m a little surprised that neil wasn’t supplied with bear spray

”’andrew, i don’t think they’re coming for me.’ ‘of course they’re not.’ neil’s heart sinks. ‘they’re not?’ ‘i am’” KFAJSDFJPOJAFD THIS GLORIOUS INTERACTION WILL FOREVER BE WITH ME

THEM TRAVELLING AND EVERYTHING WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE BECAUSE OF THE DARK. ALSO ANDREW BEING SUPER BUFF AND PICKING NEIL UP NO BIG DEAL

”we had your face on a dart board in the break room” AHHHH

”the only consolation is it smells of the andrew who just walked two hours to rescue him from the side of a cliff, and then spent another two hours carrying him here” i don’t even know what to say

wait andrew knew who neil was the whole time oh my goodness

THE GAME IS ANIMAL CROSSING. this is now and forevermore considered canon! 

ANDREW DROPPING THE GAME HE’S SO TIRED. ANDREW MY BABY

ANDREW’S DRAWING OF NEIL

”half of andrew’s sandwich is in his mouth, and he kind of looks like a hamster” adorable!

okay okay jean and jeremy being the two trading letters? so so good.

THE ENDING WITH ANDREW TELLING STORIES ABOUT NEIL BEING DEAD

the last chapter was amazing, i loved the way that you wrote the interactions between andrew and neil, they fit so well together. i also appreciate that you deviated from the game and had them meet! it is infinitely more satisfying. this was such an easy fic to read, everything felt right. i love your characterization of both of them. to have andrew treat neil the way that he did, knowing who neil was? amazing

also, can i just say that the moodboards that you include at the beginning of each chapter are amazing? they really helped with establishing the tone of the fic.

this fic is so intense, i was constantly amazed by how i was so fully immersed in it. everything that neil felt, i felt. your descriptions were gorgeous and i could not get enough of them. there were so many small details, sentences that were pure gems, that rereading this was just as, if not more, enjoyable than the first time. i really cannot put to words how much i loved reading this. thank you so so much for writing it!

[wjsns]

as a Big Ass GG stan idc about line distribution as much as i care about like even opportunities and screen time etc and thats something starship is sooo good at with wjsn like all the girls are involved with something, all of them have their own little vlive shows like dawon and her workout shows and ludas stretching shows and seola and exys radio and dayoung cooking and getting the girls on different tv shows and chinaline in rocket girls and !!!!! something i rly hope loona can do too in their future because wjsn proves its possible for THIRTEEN members to share a spotlight and havw opportunities to gain fans through their individual personalities and talents!

[palmettofoxden]

what if neil had some sort of identity crisis? i mean he's cycled through so many personalities and looks so what if something happened that triggered him into wondering if 'neil josten' really was his true self? how do you think andrew and the foxes would react?

Oh, Neil would totally have a bunch of little identity crises that he tries to just shrug off two minutes later and it would eventually add up to a full blown one.

I feel like Neil’s pretty cemented in wanting to be Neil Josten and belonging with the Foxes

So, I’m seeing it more as a ‘Who the fuck am I? Oh, fuck, I’m still not the Neil they all think I am’ kind of thing

Like Neil has a bunch of memorized answers to things to try to not arouse people’s suspicions

But he doesn’t know the real answers to these questions?

Like sure, he can spout off a rehearsed answer to simple questions

But he doesn’t want to lie to the Foxes anymore and they’ve made Neil a real person, but he still doesn’t know who Neil is

And he’s starting to suspect that they all know Neil better than he knows Neil

And there’s this fear that he’s not really the Neil they see and know and that he’s still just chameleoning to blend in with whichever of them he’s with

It’s the little things that plant the seeds of doubt

Fucking tiny little questions that trip him the fuck up

What is his favourite movie?

Most people can at least come up with one movie that they like, even if they’re not sure it’s their favourite

Neil can’t come up with one movie that he even remembers having watched?

He just sits there on the sidelines for any movie discussions

Same with tv shows?

Neil’s seen like three episodes of The Price is Right and five minutes of a soap opera and other than that, he’s exclusively watched exy or the news or exy news

He doesn’t even have a preferred news channel? He just goes to whichever?

He hasn’t even heard of any of the tv shows people are talking about

What music does Neil like?

He only knows country music from the endless country radio stations his mom put on their travels

He doesn’t like country music, but it’s the only thing he knows

He can’t follow any discussions about music

He doesn’t recognize the popular songs he knows he’s supposed to

For the most part, it doesn’t make any difference to him whose music is on, but the Foxes keep looking to him for opinions on songs that all sound like variations of the same thing to Neil?

One time, the Foxes were talking about concerts and Allison asked him if he could only see one concert ever who he would see

And Neil just sat there silent for an uncomfortable amount of time, struggling to think of a concert he wouldn’t mind seeing, until Renee rescued him by starting to talk about something else

What does Neil even like to drink?

Clearly, water is not the right answer

When he gave that answer even Kevin thought he was joking

He is supposed to like a larger variety than just water

But water is good for you?

But like he doesn’t crave that water taste, he just drinks it to live?

And he doesn’t drink soda

And he has no opinion on different types of alcohol?

When he decides to drink, he just drinks whatever Andrew gives him

And he doesn’t even have an opinion on which juice he likes best?

Honestly, juice isn’t that great???

The different kinds don’t exactly taste the same, but they’re all just as whatever

Like the boy honestly doesn’t even look at what kind of juice it is when he’s having some?

And hot chocolate is way too sweet

Milk just tastes like water to Neil?

Except for chocolate milk which is too sweet (and Andrew stocks an unnerving amount of it at all times)

At this point, Neil can’t tell the difference between good coffee and horrible coffee that’s been sitting for hours

He will literally drink shitty instant coffee that’s been sitting out for two days without flinching?

He is totally desensitized to bad coffee after all the days and nights downing awful truckstop coffee to keep himself awake for his turn driving

He knows he should have some kind of opinion on this sort of thing, but he just doesn’t?

And he doesn’t have many opinions on food and hasn’t tried that much stuff either and mostly just eats whatever he’s given

Because if he didn’t eat whatever he was given, his parents would not react well

So, he knows he doesn’t like things that are too sweet and avoids them

And he doesn’t like vegetables but he can make himself eat them if they’re there

But he just eats whatever is there and never seeks out any specific kind of food he’s craving or anything

And apparently the Foxes think this is strange

Like they asked him what kind of takeout he wanted and Neil shut down for two minutes and then told them to decide?

And they all looked between each other like this was very concerning stuff

But, honestly, Neil didn’t care what kind of food they got so why shouldn’t someone who cares decide?

And as more little things like this add up, Neil starts to feel less like a whole person and more like an outline on paper again

He knows more lies about Neil Josten as a cover than he knows truths about himself as a person

And eventually he comes up short in a conversation that should be simple and is simple to the rest of them and it’s just too much

He’s with the upperclassmen and they’re talking about terrible books they’ve had to read for school and what the worst book they’ve ever read is and what their favourite books are

Neil can hardly even remember the books he’s read

Never once did he read books he was supposed to for English class in high school because Neil Josten wasn’t supposed to have a future, he was just supposed to skate by with grades barely good enough to still be allowed to play on the exy team

Nathan heavily discouraged reading because a book was never going to teach Neil anything practical like how to stab a man to death so that he feels maximum pain before dying

Plus, Nathan didn’t want Neil daydreaming about other places

And on the run, Mary would occasionally pick up one of those cheap romance novels that are everywhere and read them in the car while Neil was driving

Neil tried reading one of them once, but he did not get it

He did not understand what the main character saw in the love interest

He did not understand what his mother saw in these books after her marriage turned out so poorly

Neil made it about thirty pages in before he gave up

Neil knows the upperclassmen are still talking and he thinks they might have asked him for his input, but he can’t really focus on their words and he can hear his blood rushing in his ears

He stands up and doesn’t realize until after he’s left the room that he probably should have said something to them instead of just walking out

He doesn’t realize he’s called Andrew until he’s standing in the hallway and hears Andrew’s voice in his ear and realizes he’s holding his phone

Neil barely manages to get out “I’m in the hallway”

Andrew doesn’t ask why Neil’s in the hallway

He doesn’t ask why Neil is calling him from the hallway instead of just coming in the dorm room to get him

Neil called him

Like actually picked up his phone and used it

And Andrew knows that means it’s important

He comes out of their dorm, takes one look at Neil’s face, and leads him to the stairwell

He’s already got two cigarettes out when they make it to the roof

Neil’s still kind of dazed and confused when they sit down, but he feels a little better looking down at the cigarette in his hands

Burying his mother on a beach might not be a pleasant memory, but it is a concrete memory that is undeniably his

That’s not crafted

Andrew’s waiting to see if Neil is going to explain what’s going on

Neil doesn’t say anything and the minutes drag on

Finally, Neil says “I have no idea who I am.”

And Andrew tells him “That’s stupid. You’re Neil Abram Josten.”

But Neil explains that he had this constructed identity of who Neil Josten is and he’s not that either

He’s just nothing

Neil Josten was fake, but they made him into a real person

A real person he knows nothing about

Neil starts explaining all the things he doesn’t know about himself and about how he doesn’t even know his own simple likes and dislikes

And how even what he does know about his tastes doesn’t feel like opinions, it feels like choices made for him because he doesn’t know anything else

Andrew says “Who gives a fuck if you didn’t read some shitty book in high school or have no opinion on juice?”

Andrew responds by listing off the things he does know about Neil

“You are an exy junkie. You chose that. You’re a striker. Because you chose to be a striker.”

But Neil’s even starting to question what he knows about that much

Because he likes exy, fuck does he like exy, but he used to think it was the most important thing

He was willing to die just to play it

And exy’s still significant, but sometimes he puts other things first

Ask Kevin, he hates how Neil will make other plans instead of dropping everything to watch games with him

Andrew tells Neil that’s bullshit and him changing his priorities from Kevin’s is him forming his own identity, not losing it

Neil mentions that he thinks he changes his identity depending on who he’s with and Andrew immediately calls bullshit on that too

“You practically got us all killed starting fights and that was while you were trying to blend in. You do not have the capacity to change your personality to appease anyone.”

Andrew starts listing off things he knows about Neil like how Neil likes running and for whatever reason it calms him

And how Neil would totally die a martyr in a zombie apocalypse

And how he has some weird obsession with bringing the team together

And he’s a stubborn little shit who won’t back down when he gets an idea in his head

And how Neil has a knack for finding the perfect insult to shut someone down

And how he’s an observant piece of shit who can’t mind his own business, even though he tries so hard to keep his own identity a secret

And he just keeps listing things off

It’s not in the nicest tone, but Neil actually starts to listen to him and believe the things he’s being told

He’s still confused about who he is, but Andrew’s listing enough things that he’s got to admit that it forms at least a partial identity

And Andrew’s like “That’s who Neil Josten is. All the other stuff is minor. Favourite songs. Likes and dislikes. That’s all small talk. Surface level. Unimportant. You can figure that out later.”

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

LZZY HALE Says Making New HALESTORM Album Was 'Most Difficult, Maddening And Rewarding Process Yet'

HALESTORM has finished mastering its new album for an early 2022 release. The follow-up to 2018's "Vicious" was once again produced by Nick Raskulinecz who first helmed HALESTORM's 2017 effort "ReAniMate 3.0: The CoVeRs eP" and was previously described by singer Lzzy Hale as the group's "fifth member."

On Saturday (December 18), Lzzy shared a photo of her listening to the new HALESTORM album after it was mixed and mastered in its entirety the previous night. She added in an accompanying caption: "I'm so grateful to my entire team for their incredible hard work, passion and patience. I'm also grateful for my bandmates that stepped up to make this album magic. I can't wait to unleash this beast into the world. Holy fuck."

A day earlier, Lzzy posted a few pictures of her and guitarist Joe Hottinger "right after" they "got dropped off at home after living in a tour bus for weeks." She wrote: "We are listening to final mixes of our new album today. We dove right into listening and creating song sequences to best tell our story. I'm so proud of this album. It was the most difficult, maddening, and rewarding process yet. Y'all ain't ready for this beast."

Earlier this month, Lzzy told Brandy Richey of Pittsburgh's 105.9 The X radio station about HALESTORM's upcoming LP: "During the time that we were writing it, I got a lot of inspiration by just the stories and just people living their lives and survival stories and literally just conversations that I've had with these people. So, in turn, I feel like even just as an artist, it was a really neat way for me to find myself again and see myself in them, but also in turn I feel like everyone's going to see some of themselves on this album. So, yeah, it's a beautiful thing."

Last month, Lzzy told the 105.7 The Point radio station about the musical direction of the new HALESTORM material: "This album is absolutely a banger. It's on eleven. We have really just kind of exceeded all of the energy that has come before on these albums, both technically, music-wise, vocally, drum, lyric-wise. I think because of the roller-coaster ride when we were making this record, and just through the pandemic and all the different phases of that, we just kind of looked at each other, like, if the future is unknown and we don't know whether we're actually going to be out and playing these things, everything has to be, like I said, at eleven. It's HALESTORM elevated.

"It was kind of funny. My bass player, Josh [Smith], he was showing some new songs to his parents. And his dad is, like, 'Wow. You really just grabbed on to your sound.' And I'm, like, 'We have a sound?' [Laughs] I didn't really think about it that way before. But, yeah, it's very us."

According to Lzzy, she and her bandmates recorded the new HALESTORM album in a different way. "This is the first time that we've ever had dual producers," she explained. "We went back with Nick Raskulinecz [who helmed 'Vicious']. And then I ended up doing my vocals with Scott Stevens from THE EXIES. He's like a brother from another mother with me. We've written together before, and we've known each other for probably just shy of a decade now. He and I, we produced and did all the vocals for [HALESTORM's recently released single] 'Back From The Dead' with each other, because I went out to L.A. And then we ended up sending it to Nick, and Nick's, like, 'This is just absolutely amazing. We have to do every song this way.' So we kind of did it differently. We ended up with the bare bones of a demo. I ended up finishing all of my vocals — like dunzo — before we ended up building the track musically. So it's kind of like building a pyramid upside down. But it ended up really just having this different energy, because what we were able to do with the lyrics and melody and all the vocals being done would really accentuate all of that — matching the theme to whatever I was singing about, but also just kind of really supporting the vocals musically when we went in to do the guitars and drums and bass. It's so crazy — it definitely has this very forward, very aggressive nature to it because of the way that we did that."

"Back From The Dead" was released in August. The official music video for the track, directed by Dustin Haney (Noah Cyrus, Luke Combs) and produced by Revolution Pictures, features Lzzy and the rest of the band in a morgue and cemetery somewhere between life and death.

Lzzy and her brother Arejay formed the band in 1998 while in middle school. Hottinger joined the group in 2003, followed by Smith in 2004.

In December 2018, HALESTORM was nominated for a "Best Rock Performance" Grammy Award for its song "Uncomfortable". Six years earlier, the band won its first Grammy in the category of "Best Hard Rock/ Metal Performance" for "Love Bites (So Do I)".

[very-secret-diary]

I was tagged by @girl-of-summer (thank you!)

the last …


1. drink: Water, always

2. phone call: Apparently my sister but I think that was an accident, so actually my mom as usual

3. text message: Amanda, pretty much this will be my answer whenever asked this question

4. song you listened to: I’m not sure, something on the radio?  I wasn’t paying attention tbh

5. time you cried: Um well I almost started crying earlier today?  My family was all outside doing fireworks and I finally decided maybe I could deal with it and I went out and they lit one and the sound stressed me out so bad I had to immediately go back inside and hold back tears?  But for real was yesterday because I’m a mess.

6. dated someone twice: Never even dated someone once

7. kissed someone and regretted it: #neverbeenkissed

8. been cheated on: Lol nope

9. lost someone special: A few years ago

10. been depressed: I am almost 100% sure that I have pdd so like, always

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Never

favorite colors

12. Grey

13. Emerald green

14. Can I say grey again???

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: Sure, ish

16. fallen out of love: Nope lol

17. laughed until you cried: Plenty, I do that

18. found out someone was talking about you: No

19. met someone who changed you: Nah

20. found out who your friends are: I always know who my friends are

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: Nope

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: The vast majority

23. do you have any pets: Yes, two dogs, two cats, and technically a pig but I don’t really count that

24. do you want to change your name: No, I will never change any bit of my name, the most I would even consider doing is hyphenating my last name if I got married, and even then that’s unlikely (both getting married and hyphenating if I did)

25. what did you do for your last birthday: I baked myself some cookies, say in my room away from all human contact, and reread the Foxhole Court while eating those cookies all by myself.  Also my cousin gave my a free ice cream cone.  It was nice, even though it was the first time I had a birthday away from my family. 26. what time did you wake up: 9:45ish because my mom woke me up so we could go to my aunts house, normally it would be later

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Watching the Power Rangers movie with my family

28. name something you can’t wait for: To finally live in a place with AC again

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: I mean I’m lying on her bed rn, but she is in the front room, so the last time I actually saw her was like an hour or two ago lol

31. what are you listening to right now: The sound of the defective window unit the provides the only bit of cool air in my house

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: I don’t think so?

33. something that is getting on your nerves: Trying to survive a Florida summer without AC, it’s making me irritable lol

34. most visited website: Tumblr and YouTube.  Technically on my laptop it says I go on YouTube more, but I use Tumblr mobile more than on my computer so yeah

35. hair colour: It’s definitely brown at this point, it used to be blonde and has darkened with age

36. long or short hair: What do I have?  It’s like medium length right now, but I want to cut it shorter, to above my shoulders (that bisexual haircut is really what I’m aiming for).  But I do sometimes miss my insanely long hair.  On other people anything is nice.

37. do you have a crush on someone: Real people?  No.  Fictional people? So many.

38. what do you like about yourself: ??? I’m smartish. Edit: also my hair is really soft when I actually shower.

39. piercings: I pierced my ears on my 5th birthday, but I have not worn earrings since 5th grade so yeah

40. blood type: I have no clue but I really wish I did 

41. nickname: Some people in my family call me Karebear?  And my little sister when she was a baby called me Ra-ra, and currently my family refers to me as that when talking to my 6 month old cousin, but that’s really it.  Kara is short enough as it is.  Oh, some people like calling me Car-uh instead of Kare-uh, either to annoy me (family and friends) or because they constantly forget how to actually pronounce it so I’ve stopped correcting them (some teachers and acquaintances), but idk if that really counts

42. relationship status: Single

43. zodiac: Sagittarius 

44. pronouns: She/her

45. favourite tv show: Avatar the Last Airbender, no question

46. tattoos: None currently, one day though

47. right or left handed: Right handed

48. surgery: Never had one thankfully

49. so called “flaws”: Lol I’m both majorly insecure and have a superiority complex (about some things), which is super fun.  I have a hard time admitting I’m wrong, and when I know I’m right I will argue past the point that I technically should.  I am a major major procrastinator who should be failing everything but I’m not, somehow.  I like to lie.  I’m actually kind of a really mean person.  Like god, I’m not a good person.

50. sports: Exy

51. vacation: I would love to travel everywhere and do something actually exciting and interesting

more general

53. eating: I don’t do it as much as I should

54. drinking: Water, forever and always.  I’m in like year 15 of literally only drinking water

55. i’m about to: Idk what I’m gonna do after this, maybe try to sleep, maybe read a little bit of the Raven King

56. waiting for: ? Nothing currently

57. want: So many things, but mostly air conditioning

58. get married: I’m not opposed, but it is not something I expect.  If I do it will almost definitely be to a girl though, just putting that out there.

59. career: I am going to be a social worker, preferably international child welfare but we’ll see, everything is good

60. hugs or kisses: Hugs, but only my family and little kids

61. lips or eyes: Eyes are so so pretty, always eyes

62. shorter or taller: I don’t care, most girls are shorter than me, most guys are my height or taller.  I like my height currently and others peoples height does not matter at all to me.

63. older or younger: Is this like about dating?  Cause I don’t care as long as the gap is not too big?

64. nice arms or nice stomach: Um?  I guess arms, because all tummies are good tummies unless they are mine, but my opinion on arms is more variable.  Can I choose hands though, because lol that’s a thing.

65. hook up or relationship: Relationship

66. troublemaker or hesitant: I’m hesitant in practice, but somewhere in the middle in theory

67. kissed a stranger: again #neverbeenkissed

68. drank hard liquor: When you’ve only had water since you were 5 it really limits the exposure to alcohol, so no

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I am constantly misplacing my glasses, but I’ve never lost them for more than a day or two

70. turned someone down: Nope

71. sex on the first date: I don’t think I would, but I support anyone and everyone else who decides to do so

72. broken someone’s heart: Almost certainly not

73. had your heart broken: Not in terms of my own relationships, other, fictional ones, lol yes

74. been arrested: No

75. cried when someone died: Probably when my grandfathers died, but I was to little to really be sure

76. fallen for a friend: I mean, I’ve had small crushes on people that I talk too, but I have very few people that I consider true friends, and I’ve never actually “fallen” for anyone

do you believe in …

77. yourself: That’s complicated, but I guess, I have a solid, mostly realistic life plan that I think is very possible

78. miracles: Also complicated?  Divine miracles?  Not really.  But it depends on how you define miracles.  I like to call really wonderful things that happen against almost all odds miracles, so of course.

79. love at first sight: Romantically No.  You can have an almost immediate connection with someone (though you need more than sight for that, you need some sort of communication), but love grows.  But familial love, yes.  It is so so possible to fall in love with a new baby or other family member right away.  And maybe that even extends to other types of platonic love.

80. santa claus: Lol as long as I have children in my life, then of course

81. kiss on the first date: If both parties are up for it then sure

82. angels: Not really.  I’m a strong agnostic so I don’t believe, but I don’t disbelieve either.  And I do sometimes like to think about it, there is something nice about it

other

83. current best friend’s name: Amanda and Victoria

84. eye colour: I say green, other’s say blue (and they used to 100% be blue), but it really depends on what I’m wearing and the lighting, it changes how people perceive  them

85. favourite movie: Okay I’m going to list some of them: The Proposal (I seriously know almost every line to this movie I’ve watched it so many times), 10 Things I Hate About You (god I will never get over Kat and Patricks relationship), Big Hero 6 (that movie will always hold such a special place in my heart, especially Tadashi).  I feel like I’m forgetting some important ones but like, I guess they can’t be my true true favorites if I’m not immediately thinking of them. And again I’m tagging: @weighing-of-wands @trucha-sai @andyouwait and @pansexualize, but again no pressure friends, I just don’t want to not tag anyone