#having it out in (internet) public makes it feel real to my brain

[sparrowposting]

Reminders to self bc if I don't I'll be ruminating in misplaced guilt all afternoon

I am allowed to be annoyed over ultimately inconsequential things! Just because everything TO ME is intimately connected to the very fabric of the universe and the human soul because I'm Ill TM doesn't mean it is for everyone! And related, I am allowed to have opinions! I can make opinions in a joke post format and nothing bad is going to happen! I'm not being mean or cruel or sinning! I am simply! Having an opinion! Disagreement isn't inherently evil!!!

[strawberryspence]

inspired by the recent events (think of a singer and football player) and ofc, inspired by the brilliant, @henderdads, who has graciously allowed me to make this into a whole thing. 👀

check out the original post!

*i don’t know ANYTHING about the NFL, so sorry for the obvious mistakes*

”What do you mean?” Steve looks up from tying his shoelaces, and stares at his agent.

“Harrington, how many times do I have to say this?” Robin smirks at him, “He’s here. He’s sitting with Mama Joyce.”

Steve’s 100% sure a wire short circuits in his brain. He blinks rapidly at her before asking once again.

“Eddie Munson?”

Robin hums, “Ahuh.”

“Like the 12 time Grammy winner, Eddie Munson, from Corroded Coffin?”

Robin slaps a hand on her forehead, “Yes, Steve! Eddie Munson is in the stadium right now. You’re the one who asked me to arrange his seats.”

Steve jumps from the wooden benches, “I didn’t think he would come!”

Robin crosses her arms, “First of all, you were the one who made that bracelet with your number on it—“

“I WAS DRUNK!”

Robin puts up a finger, “You weren’t drunk when you brought it to his concert and asked Lucas Sinclair to hand it to him. You also weren’t drunk when you announced it on a podcast, when it could’ve been a secret for all of us to keep. Second of all, you whined and annoyed me until I finally caved in, called his publicist to finally arrange the whole thing and the thanks I get is more whining?!”

Oh no. Steve stares at her, as all of the things she said finally sinks in. Oh no. Eddie Munson is in the crowd. He came. Steve asked and Eddie came. He’s gonna watch Steve Harrington play. Weirdly, he wonders if this is what Eddie feels when he’s about to play sold out arenas. Steve’s never felt nervous to play, the field is— well— his comfort place and not once has he had this sense of dread to play. Not even when he had to play the Super Bowl.

"I didn't think he'd come!" Steve panics.

“Uh-oh. No time for panic attacks. The game starts in about 15 minutes.”

“Oh my god.” Steve groans as she pushes him out of the locker rooms to the halls. There’s TVs in every corner, and one TV catches his attention.

There he is.

Eddie Munson’s sitting beside his adoptive mother and his siblings. Dear God. In what world is this real?

The commentator squeals in delight as he broadcasts, “Here’s one for the books, one that’s surely going to break the internet tonight. In the crowd tonight, we have the lead singer of best selling metal group, Eddie Munson. The rumors are apparently true! Harrington and Munson are definitely friends, maybe even more?”

Steve groans as Sinclair moves pass him, bumping shoulders. A huge smirk on his face, “I didn’t think you could do it, but I have to say, I am very proud of you.”

”Leave me alone.” He sulks as Lucas walks down the hall laughing his head off.

When Steve started talking to Eddie, he never really thought he’d end up here. Did he want something serious with Eddie? Well, yes. He’s been crushing on the man since he realized he was bisexual and Eddie was already the cover of the Seventeen magazine for nth time. But Eddie was a superstar singer who’s still on a world tour that has already sold billions, so no, Steve didn’t expect him to be here. He also knows that Eddie just got out of a pretty public break-up, so he didn’t expect anything but friendship. He just— shoot his shot and prayed to the Gods.

Steve thinks back to the conversation they had a few nights ago. A conversation only possible through the help of prayer and two shots of vodka.

“You wanna go out this Sunday?” Steve asks, trying his best to keep the nerves under the wraps.

“Isn’t that the day of the game?” Eddie speaks over the phone and Steve still can’t fathom the fact that he’s talking to Eddie Munson on a regular Wednesday night.

“Yeah, I mean. We can go out after the game.” Steve gulps, and he feels the need to take another shot.

”Huh.” Eddie hums, “Would that be a date, Harrington?”

“Yes.” Steve lightly bangs his head on the wall, “I mean, if you want it to be.” Steve covers his mouth to muffle the embarrassing sounds that comes out from him. What a wuss.

“Here, let’s play a fun little game. Let’s wait till Sunday.” Steve can hear the smirk in his voice, and god, Steve will have to look up the damn “Eddie Munson smirks for 10 minutes” compilation on Youtube again.

”What do you mean?”

“I’ll think about it. On Sunday, if I’m in the crowd then maybe we can get some dinner. If I’m not, then maybe next time.” There’s a playfulness in his voice that makes Steve want to tear his hair out.

Steve gnaws at his lips, that sounds easy enough, “Okay. That sounds… easy.”

Eddie laughs. It’s music to Steve’s ears and he feels pathetic, “Not so easy, big boy. If I’m there, you have to get a touchdown and then it’s a date. If not, then we hang out with your siblings. They’re pretty cool.”

Steve stares at the wall in his room, there’s maybe 50% chance he’ll get a touchdown. He could talk to Sinclair and McKinney to get him the ball. He could do it. It’s just another touchdown. He’s done—what?— like 50 touchdowns in his life.

”Okay.” Steve gulps, “Let’s do it.”

“HARRINGTON!” Steve blinks back to the present, lifting his eyes away from the picture of Eddie Munson wearing the red windbreaker representing his team.

Hopper’s calling him over, a smirk clear on his face. Why is everyone fucking smirking at him? “I see you’re distracted. I hope this doesn’t cripple your ability to play.”

”Hop!” Steve groans, only for his coach to laugh and pat him in the back.

“Go on! Line up!” Hop smiles, winking at him, “Good luck out there.”

Steve puts on his helmet, before taking a few deep breathes.

He just needs a touchdown. One touchdown.

Steve smiles.

He’d do anything for Eddie Munson.

A touchdown is nothing.

[chelseachilly]

THIS LOVE - chapter two | the lights are so bright but they never blind me

pairing: ben chilwell x reader

rating: T

word count: 2.1k

summary: you have to adjust to life in the public eye as ben’s supposed girlfriend...and ben has to adjust to the sight of you wearing his chelsea kit to a game

A/N: thanks for more lovely messages, they really encourage me to update faster lol! i’m sorry this one’s a bit shorter, the next update will definitely be longer 😌 chapter title is from welcome to New York

previous chapter | view all chapters

The morning after the gala, you wake up in Ben’s guest room feeling relaxed and refreshed.

You always seem to get a better sleep when you stay at his, though you’re not sure if that’s due to his comfy mattress and expensive sheets or the fact that he lives out in Cobham and it’s significantly quieter than your own flat.

This state of relaxation lasts for about five minutes, or until you get a text from your friend Valerie asking if you’ve been on Twitter today.

Bracing yourself, you open the app and already see Ben’s name trending.

You’ve gained some followers over the years when Ben has posted you on his socials, but it’s nothing compared to the way people are currently talking about you all over the internet.

It’s not just on Twitter - your Instagram following count has already grown exponentially, and your comments are filled with everything under the sun, from praise to cruelty.

You know Ben gets shit like this all the time, and Mia warned you it would be coming your way, but it’s still surreal to read about yourself online.

Especially when none of it is true. Even the nice tweets about what a lovely couple you make are based on a lie.

You can’t resist going down the rabbit hole for a few minutes, reading pages of tweets from Ben’s fans speculating about your relationship, some negative and some positive. Eventually, you can feel your brain starting to hurt, and you know it’s in your best interest to shut your phone off for a while.

Begrudgingly, you force yourself to get out of bed and face the day. You make your way downstairs in your pyjamas, stretching your arms out as you enter the kitchen.

Ben is already awake, like he usually is at this time, and he’s standing by the stove in joggers and an old Nike sweatshirt, flipping pancakes that you know are not a part of his diet plan.

“Pancakes?” you question, startling Ben a bit as he turns to face you.

“Morning,” he says with a small smile. “Yeah, with blueberries. They’re for you. Figured it’s the least I could do since-“

“Since I’m being torn apart online by football fans?” you joke - or, at least, you mean it as a joke.

Ben’s face falls, his eyes wide with concern, and he sets down the spatula to walk over to you.

“I am so sorry, Y/N,” he says seriously. “I didn’t know it would be like this. I’ve obviously never had a real girlfriend before, so I didn’t think about it.”

“Ben, it’s-”

“I called Shreya as soon as I saw everything and had her prepare an exit strategy, she’s already confirmed our relationship to the press but she thinks we can back out of it if-“

“Ben,” you say a bit more firmly, placing a hand on his arm. “Why would we need to back out of this? Does she not think it’s working?”

Ben just blinks at you for a moment before shaking his head. “Well, no, actually. Apparently I’m getting great press from it, and you’re the one getting all the shitty comments. But I-”

“I’m fine with it, then,” you shrug. “I’ll just make my Instagram private, you know I don’t really care about social media anyways. I’ll be fine.”

Ben still doesn’t look convinced.

“Are you sure? I hate the thought of you having to read that crap,” he mumbles. “I’m used to the pricks, but you shouldn’t have to be.”

“It’s fine, Ben, I swear,” you insist, squeezing his shoulder. “Actually, some of your fans seem to like me. Or they like that I supposedly keep you grounded or whatever bullshit Shreya fed the press.”

“Well, that part’s not total bullshit,” Ben says with a small smile that makes your cheeks flush slightly. “Thank you again for doing this. And you can still change your mind at any time, you know.”

“I know,” you say, mirroring his smile. “Now hurry up before you burn my pancakes.”

“Oh, shit!”

-

By the next weekend, you’ve gotten pretty used to “dating” Ben.

You go private on your socials as you discussed, with the official statement from Ben’s publicist being that you two ask for privacy as a new couple. Naturally, this only makes everyone more interested, including the media.

As Shreya hoped, the headlines now describe Ben as a “man in love” and someone ready to “settle down with a nice girl.” There are tabloid articles with pictures of you two - some from before you were even pretending to date - and all the information they could dig up on you, including your job.

It’s all a bit weird, but the weirdest part is definitely when you have to actually corroborate your story of being Ben’s girlfriend. Which, as far as everyone outside your inner circle is concerned, you now are.

It definitely feels strange lying when, for example, one of the doctors you work with congratulates you on your relationship. (Turns out her son is a Chelsea fan and she wants to know if you could ask him to sign a kit or something, which you promise to make happen.)

You’re relieved when the only event you have to attend this weekend is Ben’s game, which you would’ve gone to anyways. You’re also going with his sister Alex, who is obviously in on the whole thing, which makes it easier.

She meets you at your flat, which is conveniently only about ten minutes away from Stamford Bridge on the tube, an hour before the game.

After you tightly embrace Ben’s sister, who is like a younger sister to you as well, she grins and passes you a small gift bag.

“You got me a present?” you ask in confusion.

“It’s not from me, it’s from Ben,” she chuckles. “He also said to say he’s sorry and that it was Shreya’s idea.”

You open the bag and pull out a familiar article of clothing - a brand new Chelsea shirt with Ben’s name on the back.

Of course, as Ben’s girlfriend, it would make sense that you be wearing his kit.

“Oh, god, let me go change.”

Once you’ve replaced the plain blue t-shirt you were wearing with the shirt Ben sent over, you walk back out and find Alex with an amused look on her face.

“How do I look?” you ask a bit sarcastically as you do a twirl.

“Like a proper WAG,” Alex laughs. “Let’s go, my future sister-in-law.”

You groan as Alex grabs you by the arm and you depart for the match.

Although you’ve come to see Ben play at the Bridge more times than you can count, you have never felt this many eyes on you as you make your way to your seats. There are people not-so-subtly taking your photo as you walk up, probably made all the worse by the Chilwell kit you have on - though you suppose that’s the point.  

The match begins, and you cheer at the top of your lungs for Chelsea, just as you have from the day Ben signed for them. You never really cared that much about football, and you didn’t support any particular club growing up, but you’ve always been Ben’s number one fan.

Today, he’s playing well, making you as proud as ever. It’s not hard to pretend to be the supportive girlfriend when every flawless pass or run forward has you leaping out of your seat with unrestrained enthusiasm.

At half-time, Chelsea are up by 1 against Newcastle, and you and Alex are happily chatting and catching up over a beer.

“I saw all the pics of you guys at the gala on Twitter,” Alex says with a smirk on her face, lowering her voice so nobody overhears. “I know it’s weird to say since you’re basically part of the family, but you actually look quite good together.”

“Ew, Alex, there’s no way,” you insist, a slight blush creeping onto your cheeks. “He’s…Ben.”

Alex just laughs and drops the subject as the game resumes and the boys come back out of the tunnel.

Around the 85th minute, with the score now tied 1-1, Ben comes running up the side and makes an excellent pass to Conor, who scores and secures the win. You jump out of your seats to cheer as the guys celebrate on the pitch, you rolling your eyes with affection as Ben and Conor jump up and down with excitement.

The whistle blows shortly after with Chelsea leaving victorious, and you and Alex make your way down to the tunnels to meet up with Ben. With this being their fourth win in a row, the atmosphere at the Bridge is electric, a far cry from last year’s rough season.

It’s so nice to see Ben so happy again, and the smile on his face only seems to grow tenfold when he spots you and Alex making your way over to him.

You can’t resist picking up your pace to a light jog as you move toward him, and his arms are already open to pull you into a tight hug that lifts your feet off the ground and makes your heart soar in a similar fashion.

“That assist was brilliant,” you murmur into his shoulder before he sets you down.

Ben pulls away, still beaming at you, his sweaty hair curled down over his forehead.

“Thanks, Y/N,” he smiles, his eyes wandering to the shirt you’d almost forgotten you were wearing.

It’s not the first time you’ve worn his kit - his England debut and the Champions League final come to mind - but those were special occasions, with the rest of his friends and family wearing it too. This is obviously different, and although Ben sent it over for you to wear, his eyes are locked to you like he’s trying to memorize every thread of the fabric.

You can’t figure out why he seems so transfixed, but you don’t have much time to dwell on it before you’re interrupted.

Alex clears her throat, snapping Ben out of whatever trance he was in, and he pulls her in for a hug.

“So, to celebrate the win and Ben’s assist, I’m thinking he should take us out for a nice dinner?” Alex suggests, smiling and nudging your arm.

“Shouldn’t you be buying me dinner?” Ben raises an eyebrow. When you both just laugh, he rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Alright. I’ll go shower, you make a reservation somewhere.”

After you and Alex have picked out the fanciest-looking sushi place you could find online and collected Ben from the changing rooms, you make your way to his car. Just like after every game, the paparazzi are out trying to get videos and photos of the players leaving the stadium.

This time, however, most of the attention seems to be directed at you.

The lights begin to flash the moment you exit the building, and Ben reaches down to take your hand without a second of hesitation. Whether it’s to flaunt your “relationship” further or just to comfort you, you’re not sure, but it’s definitely working either way.

“Y/N, did you enjoy the match today?”

You know you don’t have to answer any of their questions, but you’d rather not be branded as cold or rude as the media loves to do when a woman ignores them.

So you squeeze Ben’s hand and nod, smiling at the man recording you.

“Of course, the team played really well.”

“And what did you think of Ben’s performance?” they fire back at you.

“He was amazing,” you say without missing a beat. “I always love watching him on the pitch.”

You can see Ben smiling at you as you speak - a genuine smile that you know has nothing to do with the cameras surrounding you - but he startles you slightly when he leans in to peck your cheek and lets his lips linger there for a moment. They’re soft and warm against your skin, and you feel significantly colder when they pull away.

You’ve clearly spurred on the media even more with this sudden display of affection, but Ben begins to pull you along with him and help you into the car before either of you has to answer any more questions.

You breathe out a sigh of relief as you settle into the passenger seat, Ben and Alex entering the car moments later.

“Nice show, you two,” Alex laughs, obviously still amused by the sight of you and Ben pretending to be a couple.

“You okay, Y/N?” Ben asks, looking over at you. “Sorry if the cheek kiss was too much. I know it’s a bit awkward.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you assure him, rolling your eyes. “It’s fine. Of course it’s gonna be awkward sometimes, but as long as it’s helping with the PR plan, right?”

Ben nods gratefully and smiles at you once more before asking Alex for directions to the sushi place.

You’re grateful for her chatting away about how hungry she is, and for the song Ben is playing loudly through the speakers as you drive to the restaurant, both of which are helping to distract you from how alarmingly not awkward this all feels.

A/N: let me know what your thoughts are after this chapter!! things start to heat up in the next one i promise ;)

tag list: @lunamelona @kathb59 @captainwans​ @amandaaa1025 @bbygrlllllll @cinderellawithashoe​ @batmansb1tch​ @ncentic​ (let me know if you would like to be added!)

[daisiesonafield-blog]

Your trusty Venice anon here! Just walked out of the first screening so there will be some spoilers ahead. Let me start by saying that applause was very tepid, and what I found odd is that it started several seconds after the title card, like someone remembered that we were supposed to applaud. Not a great sign.

Outside, what I mostly heard was confusion. People asking each other what the ending was and just going over some plot points that were confusing. I saw one girl vehemently go after Olivia and calling her a fake feminist, and one guy commented “the normies are going to love it” which I found very funny. Also lots of people commenting on Harry’s accent and him being British in the film, and mocking how that is explained in the story.

Now, my two cents on the film. It LOOKS great, starts out sleek and compelling, but then it folds onto itself and the last act is just very weak in my opinion. Lots of plot holes and things that aren’t really explained properly. Also Alice’s descent into madness is kind of repetitive and the pacing is off in the middle half. Poor Florence carries the whole damn thing and it pains me to say that one of the weakest things about the film is Harry. He is not bad per say but just somehow blank? I don’t know how to explain it but it’s like his alien charm doesn’t translate well? It’s like he’s out of focus (not literally of course) and his character is just sort of blank when it really should be the center of it all. Also, his look for the “real life” scenes is really something, the internet is going to go nuts. In general, i feel like his star power is much less than what anyone anticipated, and is completely wiped out by Florence’s. Just one last thing even though I might think of more stuff later on, those notorious sex scenes are among the least sexy I’ve seen. Not sure if it’s because that is clearly the first time that man has had his head or his hands between a woman’s legs or because their chemistry is a bit off, but they feel rushed and performative, like they were put there just to be able to say they are. Come to think of it, the whole film kind of feels like that.

Dear lovely Venice anon!

Thank you for coming back! Apologies for taking so long to post these, timezones and all.

Honestly, what Olivia has been trying to portray this movie as, and what this movie is actually like are entirely different things. I think she is so full of herself, and so obsessed with sex, making everything "sexy", and pushing that dated "edgy" 2000s over sexualization of women, that she is unable to actually go beyond it to explain her own movie. Her narrative for promotion is entirely disconnected from what she is actually promoting.

About the alleged sex scene she was denied to include in the trailer: I think she was lying. Again, to continue her disconnected sex campaign. Everyone who saw the test screenings of the movie said that the only 2 sex scenes are the ones that *are* in the trailer. There is no additional sex scene that didn't get to be in the trailer. She lied in order to push her sex campaign and be edgy. That was her whole point in that interview. Saying that society are puritans and don't want to see female pleasure or women enjoying sex. And she proved her point by bringing up this non-existent sex scene that's not even in the final cut of the movie. All of this, again, has nothing to do with the movie. It's just the only thing her brain thinks of at all times.

I'm sad that Harry may be getting the worst of it in reviews. I hope critics and the public can see the poor direction he got from Olivia, and how that translated into this "blank" performance next to Florence's.

Also, Olivia was there? I thought she would only be at the later screening? Who called her a fake feminist? A fan, a journalist or rando person?

Thank you so much for coming back and telling us your experience! If you have more details, please do let us know!

[kittenintheden]

okay listen I'm so tired lol

I am a fandom old. I've been around the freaking block like eight dozen times. I'm at the point in my life where I enjoy media because it's FUN and ENRICHING for me personally, rather than something I base my identity on. I adore the community that happens in fan spaces (mostly).

here is why I never trust an anon that's clearly just being a dick: I've been in way to many scenarios where people who aren't even invested in the thing just think it's so fucking funny to watch segments of a community fight with each other. it tickles some part of their lizard brain. their mom never taught them not to be an asshole to strangers. idk.

there's a political term that you may or may not be familiar with called astroturfing. it's frequently used in marketing and politics to falsely create the image of vast public support for something that doesn't actually have all that much natural support. for example, people who don't especially have strong feelings about trans issues being encouraged/paid/instructed to respond to any and all trans support a certain way. responding to blogs, sending letters to the editor, posting on message boards, etc. their goal is to create a broad public perception that most people are anti-trans (untrue).

and it works. entire fucking laws and legislation and protests and fearmongering come out of that shit. people make up FAKE PROBLEMS (cis men dressing up like women to go be pervy in public bathrooms???) and spread the word via bad actors and controlling the public discourse. the media conglomerate that gamed Facebook to disproportionately support asshole authoritarian alt-right clowns and got them elected was EXCELLENT at it.

a similar thing can happen in fandom, ESPECIALLY when that fandom is a haven for women, POC, queer folk, and other minorities. you guys might remember GamerGate and SadPuppies? yeah all those fuckers are still active and still purposely being shitty at every given opportunity because they think it's funny to make the "libs" fight amongst themselves.

look up #yourslipisshowing if you're not familiar. it was a movement by Black Twitter (specifically Black WOMAN Twitter) to expose bad actors who would create accounts posing as Black woman activists, learn the surface-level terminology, and just purposely cause discord in leftist spaces under the ever-familiar activist method of "being morally pure is a thing that can exist."

anyway: any time I get an ask or comment without a name attached that is very obviously intended to poke me in a sore spot, I delete that shit and assume it's some fucker trying to start fan drama for kicks. even if I'm wrong, I still don't need to feed into that shit. this is my fun, happy space. I'm an activist and do activist shit and get angry at the world in real life, I don't need it in my little fandom corner of the internet too.

which is not to say that shitty fans and shitty fandom takes don't really exist. they very much do. but I don't give them much air unless there's an actual name attached. and even THEN it can be hit or miss because people can and do create fake accounts if they're especially dedicated to being a shithead.

so: if you're minding your business and some goober comes into your ask box with shit that's clearly intended to push a button, give it like 24 hours to cool down and decide if it's actually worth it to respond. for me, most of the time I determine that it's not.

don't get me wrong. calling out bad behavior in fandom IS IMPORTANT and SHOULD BE DONE. I just also think it's important to try and find the joy and camaraderie in these spaces as much as possible and that people who try to disrupt that for jollies suck real bad and give a disproportionate perception of "what X fans are like."

in summary, my philosophy is be the best person you can be, be as kind as is warranted, focus on the parts of your fandom that make you happiest, and carry a big stick for when the jerks won't take a hint.

also like. shitting on other characters to prop up your fave is such a freaking middle school move. are you in middle school? if so, I'm sorry. if not, I'm still sorry, but for a different reason.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

im so sorry to send you this but im confused. i thought izzy hands was obviously homophobic while i was watching the show but now people on the internet are telling me that calling him gay and homophobic is a conspiracy theory. i want to trust my instincts on this as a queer myself but they say it so much i think im starting to believe it. i know literally none of this matters but its genuinely bumming me out. maybe we all just have slightly different definitions of homophobia?

I would love to answer this for you. Your instincts are correct. Izzy is gay and homophobic. You should trust your gut on this because it's important for you be able to identify guys like Izzy irl if you're someone who might be on the receiving end of homophobia.

What happened is that back in June of 2022 everyone fully agreed that Izzy was one of those repressed gay men who's internalized homophobia rotted his soul and became externalized. We wanted to put him in a jar. We all interested in how this weird little freak got this way. Then everything changed when the canyon formed. Since then it has been a mad dash to beat the allegations. Unfortunately an actor has validated them in a way that makes me really wonder about him frankly, because he seems to be operating under the impression that people are saying that Izzy is a "homo sex is sin" Style homophobe when nobody was saying that, what we were saying is that Izzy is incredibly weird about and hateful towards feminine men and he believes that Stede is corrupting Ed with his foppishness, which is still homophobia it's just a different brand of homophobia than the religious right's obsession with the mechanics.

Tbh tho I don't actually care about that actors' take because he's not a writer, he has a history of not being very good at reading the subtext given that he fully didn't realize it was a gay show for half the episodes, and David Jenkins has liked multiple metas on twt about Izzy being a homophobe so I'll trust that lol. The only consequence that Con O'Neill being publically wrong has had for me is that people occasionally do an unearned victory lap when he says something.

But also I low key sometimes feel incredibly unsafe knowing that there's a substantial group of people who claim to be queer and against homophobia but who can't understand that the whole subplot with Lucius in episode 5 and the thing with Ed in episode 10 is laced with bigotry against feminine gay men. I don't think admitting that means you have to think it's his only motivation or that it's contradictory to the read of him being attracted to Ed and Lucius or with the concept that he's mostly just power hungry, but it does sort of mean that I have to move through the world knowing that there are people in my own community who would fully blame me if something happened to me. I don't fucking like it. That's why I get so upset about this so publicly. It's like so what happens if I get attacked but the guy calls me a namby pamby or a bitch instead of a faggot. Are you gonna be like "well we don't know~". It's just an uncomfortable thought. I don't understand why they're so desperate to beat the allegations either, like he's fake. People who have experienced things like what Ed and Lucius went through at his hands are real. The argument that gay people can "do something to (someone)'s brain" is written into legislation trying to ban trans people from public life. Nobody wants you to stop liking Izzy we just want you to stop saying shit that's harmful

And I don't necessarily think that everyone who chooses to put more emphasis on Izzys obsession with Ed wouldn't be able to identify a hate crime, I just have seen more than one piece of meta that goes "Izzys not homophobic he just thinks Stede is a mincing fop who's corrupting Ed with his frilly whiles there's nothing homophobic about that" and I just have to block them for being homophobic themselves because what else do I do with that? When I vague post about this shit I'm talking about specific ass things that I've seen that have made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe not generic canyon trends. I just really feel like we need to calm down about Izzy. Like you can feel empathy towards a gay guy that hates himself and write a bunch of fic about him getting laid without deciding actually he did nothing wrong and everyone who can see that that's not true is making shit up to oppress *checks notes* people who like a fictional character. I don't get why that's so hard to do.

[jesses-life-updates]

people tend to think trans people are special snowflakes who get pampered by society so here's being trans from the perspective of a transgender 14-year-old who has no adult support in his life. please boost this message to transphobes, it might not change their minds but it could at least make them consider the real children they're hurting.

• when I came out at 13 I was yelled at by my parents until I cried

• according to transphobes it's somehow my fault that I was born with a female body

• people at school ask me what my pronouns are as an insult and call me slurs and nobody does anything about it, not even teachers care

• I came out to these people I thought I could trust and their response was to push me out of their circle of friends and harass me, constantly calling me a lesbian even though I'm not even a girl

• life seems to have lost its colour and I can't remember the last time I felt actual strong emotions

• actual grown ass adults complain about trans people on the internet just for clout and argue with each other about whether or not we deserve rights, as if that isn't the most dehumanising shit

• I've been told that my feelings don't matter by a teacher at my school because "people in countries at war have it worse"

• the prime minister of my country was on national television spreading hate speech about my people and everyone is acting like he's a saint for it, completely ignoring the other bad things he's done for this country because "he hates trans people and that's good"

• I have to stand idly by while trans people my age are committing suicide and I am so scared I will end up adding to that statistic

• there's bad apples in every group of people and just because I'm trans I have to be grouped in with every bigoted/hateful trans person when I'm just trying to keep myself alive and I'm not bothering anyone

• I am too scared to bring up my queer identity around anyone because I don't want them to think I'm shoving it in their face, it might as well be a secret even though I've been out for over a year

• i sometimes forget that I'm not physically a boy but then it hits me again when I see how much taller/deep voiced my male peers are

• I had to resocialise myself as male and change so many things about my behaviour that it's constantly at the forefront of my mind

• my chest constantly feels tight, I can't breathe deeply, my breathing is shaky and I get random rib pains every few hours

• I'm told that my gender is a "protected characteristic" but adults are doing a piss poor job at protecting me, I feel like I'm in danger because of being queer

• people at school harassed me so much for being trans that I practically forced myself back into the closet by telling them I don't care what they refer to me as (I most definitely do care)

• my identity is so normal to me but it's not normal for anyone else, I'll be talking about a girl crush I have thinking what I'm saying is normal but someone chimes in with "oh are you a lesbian?" and it brings me back to the harsh reality that being queer isn't normal

• I used to feel so much pride as a queer kid but now I just hate everything about being queer and I wish so badly that I could be just like everyone else

• more and more laws are being put in place against my people and one day I might not even be able to get gender affirming treatment

• the chemical imbalance in my brain is considered a political stance rather than just a rare condition a group of people have that shouldn't be a big deal

• I, a 14 year old boy, am more mature about gender than ACTUAL GROWN ADULTS who go on PUBLIC TELEVISION TO COMPLAIN ABOUT ME WHEN I AM JUST TRYING TO EXIST IN PEACE

• I keep being hit with the realisation that I still need to wait four years just for the chance of merely beginning to transition, which will cost me thousands of pounds and probably take more than ten years to fully transition, whereas my peers are just handed it at birth

• trans people are seen by society as "annoying" and "shoving it down people's throats" and "looking for an excuse to be special" for some fucking reason

• I have to juggle all this shit with trying hard in school and balancing life, all while my brain is not even fully developed yet. my cognitive and emotional processing skills aren't even close to being developed but i have to deal with suicidal thoughts, media pushing the idea that I'm mentally ill, internalised transphobia, constant harassment, transphobia from almost every single person in my life, feeling like a fucking freak for a chemical imbalance in my brain, and yet I STILL have to deal with normal teenage things like feeling ugly or struggling in school, and further yet I CANT TALK TO A SINGLE ADULT ABOUT MY SITUATION BECAUSE NOBODY BELIEVES ME OR SUPPORTS ME

• the cherry on top: there is absolutely nothing I can do about my situation until I turn 18, my only option is to suck it up and deal with it until either get actual help or end up killing myself

if you're an adult who thinks trans people are groomers/snowflakes/annoying/criminal, think about how your actions are impacting youth who are just trying to stay alive. you are not protecting children by making us wait longer for treatment or shielding us from supportive outlets. grow the fuck up. you're an adult, act like it. find something else to do with your life than attack an astronomically small minority of people.

[aurosoulart]

finally got around to recording and subtitling my performance at the Augmented World Expo 😤 it's 6 minutes long, but worth the watch if you wanna understand more about what I do!

this was part of a competition centered around using XR technology (virtual reality, augmented reality, spatial computing - whatever you want to call it) to fight climate change.

we were the only ones competing in the category of Replace - and I gave this performance showing how Figmin XR, a software that can create free-to-download digital objects (aka 'digital twins'), could be used to massively reduce material waste in the future.

AR glasses and haptic feedback technologies are still in their infancy, and they're not YET at the stage where they can be as ubiquitous as smartphones - but as someone lucky enough to work with them every day, let me tell you:

this stuff is powerful. being able to to see, hear, and FEEL digital objects in 3D space changes the wiring of your brain. it's truly indescribable unless you've experienced it yourself, but everything feels real, like it's there with you, especially if it's something you've brought into existence with your own two hands. I share my virtual inventory with my friends - we play with confetti together, paint together, make things together - all in-person, the entire process feeling so natural that we forget all of it is just made out of light.

this is the entirety of what Figmin's mission is about - empowering people to re-learn the joy of playing (which so many of us don't have the time or money for anymore!), while also reducing material waste in the process.

once this new form of 3D computing finally becomes accessible to the public (and it will - it's too magical to be forgotten), we could see a huge cultural shift of innovation similar to what happened with the rise of the internet and personal computers in the first place.

and, like the original PC, it's only going to get better once it does reach people. I'm not going to say that every person out there will use XR for good (we all know how corporate greed goes by now), but that doesn't mean it's inherently bad or scary.

all technology is still just a tool, and we can still use it to connect with one another, to learn, to create... and, hopefully, to change the world for the better.

[kasienda]

Celebrity Status: Ch 6 - Just Another Day

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

Read on Ao3

Chapter 6: Just Another Day

“Who wakes up thinking I’m totally cut out to be a superhero?!” Ladybug asked. “No one. Certainly not me,” Ladybug said, laughing. 

Adrien winced and x-ed out of the tab. He knew her comments hadn’t landed well before any commentary or analysis came out. 

This was all his fault.

Turned out that while humility and self-deprecating humor played well for a wealthy privileged male teen model, the same traits were not admired in a female superhero tasked with saving the city over and over again. 

He probably should quit as her PR coach before he made things worse, and he’d have to figure out how to make it up to her. 

She groaned loudly behind him, burying her face into one of his throw pillows. 

“It’s not that bad,” he insisted. 

“You’re just trying to make me feel better.” 

“Is it working?” 

“You always make me feel better,” she mumbled. 

Heat burned across his face. He could not have heard that correctly. 

“Oh god! Did I just say that out loud?” 

He laughed, and let himself fall onto the couch next to her. “I’m glad that I can do something to help. Seems like I’m just making the rest of your life worse.” 

“I promise you’re not. I’m a disaster enough at that all on my own. I don’t even care about the internet hating Ladybug at the moment. Like, who cares what they think.” 

Adrien frowned. He knew that public opinion could matter a lot. He didn’t know how in this case, but his father poured hundreds of thousands into public relations for a reason. 

“Right now, I just wish I could get my parents to stop repeatedly grounding me for literally saving the city! It’s not my fault Hawkmoth’s timing sucks!”

He had it easier than her in some ways. He usually was able to get away from his friends pretty easily by blaming his father. And it wasn’t that hard to get out of the mansion when no one paid attention to him. 

At least Ladybug had parents who paid attention. 

"Maybe you just need a more plausible explanation," Adrien suggested. “Is there something in your life that occasionally prevents you from doing your best, or being where you're supposed to be? Something that you could just exaggerate or stretch?"

She lit up, and smiled at him like he hung the moon. "We could say I'm having panic attacks! It wouldn't even be that much of a stretch since I've always had anxiety."

The comment was sobering. "You struggle with anxiety?" he asked quietly.

She blushed. "More than a little bit honestly."

"You seem so confident as Ladybug. Like nothing seems to faze you during akuma strikes."

"Yeah, when it's a disaster I handle it no problem! I guess I don't have time to overthink it? I just have to act? But the day to day things, I'm usually a mess."

“I can’t even imagine that.” 

Her face turned beet red and she turned away. “Yeah,” she croaked. “My best friend could tell you some really embarrassing stories. Thank goodness you have no idea who she is!” 

He smiled. “It’s a shame. I would love to pick her brain.” 

… 

Akuma attacks had become the bane of her existence. The akumas themselves weren’t that bad. But ever since her first interview had gone off the rails, it seemed reporters and journalists smelled blood in the water. They wouldn’t leave her alone. 

Thank god for Chat Noir who usually knew what to say or would physically get between her and any microphone held out to capture another sound bite. But he had to bolt today - said he was about to be missed. 

And this one particular lady would not get off her tail. She finally gave up, and whirled around. 

“What?!” she roared. 

The lady stumbled back. “I umm… I’m sorry! I wanted to speak to you about Alya Cesaire?” 

Ladybug breathing quickened. Had they figured her out? 

She supposed she didn’t need to lie about having panic attacks if she started having them for real. 

“Wh-what about her?” 

…

“Oh my god! Marinette! You won’t believe what happened!” Alya squealed.

Marinette tried not to grin. She had a little bit of an idea. 

“The city is giving me an Award!” 

“What?! No way! What for?” Marinette asked, now letting her smile run free reign. Alya deserved this. 

“My blog was nominated for best citizenship reporting and I won! There’s gonna be an award ceremony and everything. I’m going to be the first minor ever to receive it! Ladybug herself is going to be there!” 

“You’ve already met Ladybug!”

“I know, but– now, she’s gonna give me an award!” Alya turned to her, grinning so widely. “Will you go with me as my plus one?!” 

Marinette’s chest tightened. “Oh! Umm… wouldn’t you rather go with Nino?” 

“Absolutely not! He will be so bored!” 

Marinette made herself smile. “Then of course I will be there,” she said, proud that her voice didn’t wobble at all. She had no idea how to pull this off. 

The akuma alert went off. 

Alya grinned excitedly at her while Marinette just wanted to groan. 

“Looks like it’s time for this award-winning journalist to shine!” Alya squealed.

Marinette smiled fondly. At least one of them was getting something from all these akuma attacks. 

She transformed and followed the sound of nearby explosions. 

The akuma chased a group of teens slightly older than herself. One of them tripped. Ladybug swooped down and scooped her up just in time to dodge the blast of projectiles that struck the ground behind them. 

The boy squirmed in her arms. 

“Hold still. I’ve got you.” 

But the boy only fought harder. “You don’t know what you’re doing,” he said. “I’m better off on my own.”

He broke free in the middle of her arc and fell like a lead weight to the ground forty meters below.

She let go of her yo-yo to chase him, but gravity wouldn’t let her fall any faster than him.

He landed with a horrible crunch and a scream. 

Her miraculous cure healed him after the battle, but she could still see the agony on his face whenever she closed her eyes. 

…

[homeofhousechickens]

This isnt about anything that has happened recently to me in particular just a scenario i see play out over and over again and im tired of it and want to vent.

I understand the internet gives anonymity and that makes you think the other person on the other side of the screen isn't a "real" thinking breathing human being but i think people really dont see the consequences of their actions if you make it a hobby or past time to hate a specific person and constantly insert yourself as a toxic part of their life via sending anon hate or ostracizing them you do understand that the consequences of doing can be death right?

Like constant harrassment on social media is PROVEN to worsen mental health and can lead to depression and thoughts of suicide. When you dislike someone and harass them online- let me make sure im correct on this- you want them to suffer yeah? Is it healthy to think that way about another human being? Is better because its online, would you do the same in person and would the people around you react the same if you walked up to this person you hate and told them to kill themselves in public? Or would that be horrible because of the physicality.

Im not talking about someone you hate who is like a nazi or something im talking about people who just have different ideals then you that arent hurting you. I has seen people turn evil towards each other for slights or misunderstandings that seemed so small to me. Maybe its because i am autistic that i dont understand what an average person could do that would make someone want to hurt them. Words and actions can be just as dangerous as any weapon i have seen to many people in the same social media circles as me die to them. I think social media has caused an epidemic where some peoples past time is the dehumanization of their other fellow human beings because they feel justified or that its "funny" when people suffer. The same thought processes that kept the toxic waste in kiwifarms churning.

When i was a teen this behavior didnt really bother me, i think because i didnt know better or know the actual consequences. Now as an adult when i see people my age acting like this towards people who are basically strangers it makes me sick to my stomach. Everytime i see someone being aggressive and combative with someone for a small slight online where it leads to harrassment i keep it in my brain that this is not a safe person to be around if they felt so confident doing that to a stranger when you could just not interact with them.

[serve-cunt]

Someone did WHAT on your fic? That's so so lousy- Okay. Okay. I just went through a few pages of your fic bookmarks. Just a few pages, mind, and I saw enough shitty ones that I'm legitimately so upset-on-your-behalf about. I can't believe people think it's okay to do this? I can't imagine why people would want to bookmark, public or otherwise, things they think are "mid" or "5/10", bar deliberately wanting to make the writer feel bad.

Like, if they do it to keep track of what they've read, just name the collection "Read". I'm actually devastated about this. And perplexed, because some of the people doing this are fic writers themselves.

Your writing is wonderful, and I appreciate you using your free time creating such beautiful stories, and making this community a better place to be. If only others could be as kind.

haha thank you!!! I'm going to preface this answer by saying I am not precious about my writing, I'm an adult and I have a real* job and I make enough money at my real job to never care that much what people on the internet say about the rpf I write in my free time lol. and tbf to the reader, I don't like my own writing all the time either!! I'm trying to get better!! I learn something literally every day!!

*real ... enough

but yeah having got that out of the way, that "mid" rating kinda sucked and it's also just INteresting to me that people interact with fic that way ... I think some people treat fic like #content that people are idk. trying to make money off of or something, and the creator is just another grasping opportunist. and that is not what fic is for! it's not who the writers of fic are!

writing fic is creation for creation's sake, it's fun and social at its best, it's to find people who think like you do, or it's to read how other people are thinking about any given piece of media. it's also just what my brain is going to do anyway (rotate my little guys around, Put Them In Situations) so I might as well do it for an audience and get some kudos-based serotonin out of it

I like when people tell me they liked something I wrote because that tells me there are people out in the world who think like me or connect with the same things I connect with ... if they didn't like something I wrote I ... don't... care????? go elsewhere! don't recommend the fic! don't tell me WHY you won't recommend it. what a waste of your time, tbh. if you're keeping notes for your own sake, make the bookmark private? idk man. if you're just being mean then i can't help you but uh. don't be mean

these are all the same points @albonoooo already made and I'm making them worse lmaooo but anyway. I'm also probably preaching to the choir yada yada

(also!! to defend my own fic a tiny bit... sometimes the numbers in bookmarks are chapter markers. like if something is bookmarked and the note is just "5", then I assume the user has read up to chapter 5. I hope that's true anyway LOL)

[knotmycupofchai]

✨ My Birth Chart ✨

I didn’t go through my whole chart, because this takes forever and I’m pretty private so I’m not gonna tell my whole life story on here lol

🍒🥯🧋

Virgo mars in Leo 10th house square Sagittarius pluto in Scorpio 1H: Those indicates power struggles or being bullied & criticized by authority figures, on the internet and by the public in general.

My entire life I’ve always been bullied or someone has said something bad about me lol

I’ve had people spread rumors/ lies about me and deliberately try to ruin my reputation, lose my job and how I make my money. The biggest thing is people always attack my appearance ( despite my beauty being a big deal since childhood) I have lots of flaws from dying 4 times during birth and birth defects. I was supposed to be dead or brain dead, the doctors said I would be a vegetable or be in a wheel chair for the rest of my life. My appearance & my life had been judged, attacked or decided by others from the moment I was born. Pluto & Scorpio Chiron in my 1H.

I’m 2019, I started a social media platform ( YouTube channel) as a tarot reader ( I’ve also had a podcast on Spotify & Apple) I went a little viral and gained recognition for my scarily accurate world predictions and celebrity readings/ predictions. I’ve given hundreds of tarot readings from people all over the world. However, I was severely attacked on social media by competitive YouTubers, Astrologers & Tarot readers out of jealousy. Had 2 YouTubers start a hate campaign against me; their followers harassed and bullied me ( especially my appearance calling me ugly, before I revealed my face online) Once they saw that I was actually beautiful, they started to attack my mental health and my trauma— I believe that’s the Pluto & Scorpio Chiron in my 1H.

I also think this why people have said of first impression they thought I had a big ego or that I think I’m better than everyone. People tend to project their own insecurities onto me to hide their own jealousy/ envy of em. My ex boyfriend thought this as well. He accused me of always trying to one up him or making him feel stupid, when I was simply just being myself and he was intimidated by me. Oh and he turned out to be married and I had to hide that. So, I attracted a lot of liars or people I have to keep a secret. ( Scorpio sun & Scorpio Venus in Libra 12H)

I also attract celebrities or rich/ privileged people as an audience, follower or friend easily. I attract friends with more money than me and they never understand that I’m literally broke 😂 When I was 11yrs old multiple celebs would follow me on Twitter ( girl from Disney High School Musical, Mandy from Nickelodeon girl group School Gyrls etc…) Oh and lemme just brag that ARIANA GRANDE FOLLOWED ME ON TWITTER IN 2012. Idk I just easily go viral or gain the attention of celebrities or influencers easily.

In different charts & sidereal astrology, I have a 11H Virgo Mars ( Virgo 11H) which further confirms this.

*Ironically enough, I’m currently being investigated at work, because a girl is lying on me and accusing me of being a racist ( towards white people) lol she didn’t like what I had to say about the struggles of African Americans & Black History. Apparently, I’m always attacked whenever I speak publicly about racism, worldly events etc… If I speak about something “controversial or taboo” I’m punished and criticized.

Oh, and since I’m an Aries moon & traumatized my emotions are unstable. So if I’m provoked publicly— I either cry, curse someone out or fight them lol and of course my reactions are criticized as well, despite me being the one harmed.

Scorpio sun in Libra 12H trine Pisces Jupiter in Aquarius 4H: I’m a very private & isolated person. I’m always the center of attention, while being ostracized. People always mention how I’m mysterious, put up walls or that it’s hard to get to know me. No one actually knows me, the real me. I’ve had to put up different personas and act a certain way to try to fit in, but no one actually knows who I am. I prefer it this way, because I tend to attract noisy people who pry or have bad intentions. I’ve had people use things that saw in me, when I was vulnerable against me. Oh, and I see dead people lol. I’ve been practically haunted by ghosts all my life and my family tried to convince me that I was schizophrenic. I do not have a family ( I do, but don’t claim them) I have been estranged, shunned, abandoned and abuse by my entire family. I don’t know what it is, but I have a lot of enemies. People just don’t like me, but get close to me— to hurt me. I found & seen a sense of “family” or home from other families ( especially foreigners) Pisces Jupiter Aquarius 4H. Foreigners tend to be very accepting of me. ( I can speak and understand multiple languages, because of this) I spent half my life, running from child protective services. A Korean social worker actually tried to take me away from my mother and convince me to come live with her. My dream is to live and or study abroad, have multi homes/ properties and have my own farm/ ranch that I can raise my future kids on too.

Aries Saturn in Aries 6H trine Leo MC:

Since I’m so isolated & don’t have a social life ( and need to escape my family) I’m a workaholic. Working also helps me escape my bad thoughts, which keep me from spiraling into depression. I am always told how strong, powerful & hard working I am. I’m constantly praised for going through the worst stuff, but becoming stronger and overcoming it ( Pluto 1H). I’ve gone through many jobs from: Toxic work environments/ managers or coworkers. I’ve quit 90% of my jobs without notice. I have so much experience and certifications in early child hood/ child care teaching. Despite this, I’ve NEVER been promoted or offered a higher/ better position. I’m usually kept in a “servant” / low pay/ low benefit slave position, I’m exploited and do lead or managerial tasks without the pay or title I deserve. However, I hate working under people. My dream is to be a CEO/ own multiple physical and online businesses. I want to be wealthy ( Bridgerton or Rihanna wealthy) Oh & customers always end up attacking me.

( Aries Saturn 6H & Virgo Mars 10H)

Sagittarius Mercury conjunct Scorpio Chiron all on the Scorpio ascendant:

I’m just like my Sagittarius Dad, so I’m big on talking & self-expression. People always complain that I over think of get “too deep” into everything. People hate it when I start ranting about mental health, abuse, sexuality, politics, society or religion etc… I’m considered very “controversial”, “unprofessional” or “smart-mouthed”. Mostly, because I speak my mind impulsively, especially when I’m angry. I’m mostly quiet, but ask me what I think about today’s society and I will talk your ears off. My Sagittarius Dad and I would talk for HOURS, about society, religion, spirituality and business. People who watched my YouTube channel or Podcast said they felt a sense of healing and strength hearing me tell my story or motivating them through what they were going through. One thing about ME? I help people. I have a hard time with small talk. I prefer deep and triggering conversations. It has to mean something or trigger something within me, for me to entertain it. I’m an amazing listener and basically an unlicensed therapist to everyone. I’m everyone’s trauma basket for them to dump. You wouldn’t believe how many people just tell me their darkest secrets. I hold so many secrets, I’m convinced I’m an accomplice to plenty of crimes.

Oh and EVERYONE COPIES ME! I mean I had half my school copying my every look. I was the iconic fashionista, so everyone looked to me for what to wear. I’ve had people copy my every mannerism and it gets sooo scary! When I started my online platform, I got a load of copycats and stalkers. I had so much of my content copied and stolen. Pretty sure it’s Mercury 1H, but for some reason I also think it’s my Gemini ( Mercury ruled) 8H?

[terraliensvent]

multiple ppl close to kinah were able to verify that they were in the hospital recovering when the attempt happened. all of those ppl could not collab and lie so one person could get “extra attention” in ur words. Im frustrated with terra staff aswell but that doesn’t mean its ok now to call someones suicide attempt fake so ur feelings seem more valid. I find that extremely sickening. U have zero evidence or good reason for doubt or else u would have vented about it already. all u have is ur feefees. u do need therapy. And mod pls stop validating baseless speculation on smth so serious. what happened 2 people needing proof for claims like this

alright yeah im deleting kinah asks now

first off i dont think that people should just believe whatever they read on the internet, because you dont know who these people are irl. again, thats not to say that you shouldnt give support where you can or that you should make public callouts saying that it was all fake when you dont know for sure, BUT at the same time theres a level of speculation regardless because its the fucking internet. people are wild, people are strangers, and there is a non zero chance that people could have lied. just because people have a level of speculation on something they read online, that doesnt mean they need therapy and it doesnt mean theyre a bad person, it means they have a brain. if YOU want to believe it without a shadow of a doubt then thats fine, and if other people have some doubt thats also fine, just dont go out of your way to fucking bother people because thats just unnecessary.

second off, i need proof for accusations like “so and so is posting feral” or “so and so is an abuser,” saying things like “the way that kinah bounced back into cs makes me speculate” isnt an accusation.

the views of the anons i post here arent reflective of my own views, and if something is a problem i give my own input on it in my response. when i created this blog i didnt want to delete asks because i feel like that controls a narrative and makes me an unreliable narrator when it comes to these discussions. if people want to talk about things like this, i didnt want to force silence because thats not how you hold a discussion.

as an additional note: anons have been becoming increasingly aggressive in my inbox, whether its towards one another or towards myself. i implore all of you to stop being so aggressive, stop making assumptions, and stop playing this holier than thou card. so much of the art and cs community is made up of people who will virtue signal and place themselves on a moral pedestal and my inbox is the last place for that. if you want to rant and complain, go ahead, but stop acting like youre better than each other because you have the Correct Opinion on everything and believe everything you read on the internet.

my final thoughts on this are as follows: there is a non zero chance that everyone is lying. is it a small chance? sure. does this mean we should spread the narrative that it was all fake? no. are you a horrible person who should die in a fire because you dont 100 percent believe that the attempts were real? no, but also dont go out of your way to be an asshole because of that belief. i think we should all publicly operate under the assumption that the attempts were real. if you want to privately speculate, go fucking wild. could kinah going back into cs and making stuff for terras possibly be bad for their mental health? maybe. but also, its none of our business. and thats what im ending this topic with, a lot of this shit really is just none of our business and i think you all give way too much of a fuck about someone who you will never know irl.

i dont dislike kinah, in fact i actually really liked them when they were on staff for terras. but at some point we all gotta throw our arms up and say why is this taking up so much of my brain power when this person is just someone i follow on fucking toyhouse.

we are done with asks about kinahs attempt now, unless anyone has important info or something new to say im deleting them.

[theuniversalscat]

(For those of you uncomfortable with how I choose to process my feelings in this public forum, stop reading now. This isn’t over sharing, it’s extreme honesty, which is tough for some people to palate. If you have an aversion to my honesty, go and do something else, preferably constructive. Thank you, kindly. 💖)

So this morning, like most mornings, I awoke with anxiety. It’s as if my brain goes through the dusty files of my past, collects all the data of why I am disliked by people, and proceeds to give me a very thorough review of all of the examples of what happened. It’s very concise, and it’s like I wake up in the middle of this presentation. And I can’t stop it until I’m fully awake, no matter how much I try to stop the train of thought, speeding down the track without brakes at 450 mph. Yes, I get it. Don’t try to befriend anyone anymore. It will only lead to rejection. And I have a raging headache, and a powerful urge to create change from within, but it’s too far gone to stop it. And I have so many different examples from my past experiences that it’s impossible to stop the current energy of rejection that the train is conjuring up. It makes a lot of great points…

Some may say, “this a disturbed woman yelling at herself. The next breakfast she has should be in a sanitarium…” right. Well, here’s the thing, I am savvy enough to recognize my thoughts and address the real issues before I start making detrimental, unhealthy decisions to do detrimental, unhealthy things to myself to mask my feelings. (This is strictly for the people who ignored my initial instruction to stop reading if they weren’t into my energy. 🤷‍♀️😆)

So self talk (like the example above) continues, unrelentingly, until I see my dogs. They show up first to wake me out of my conscious potential train wreck. They pull me straight out of it into the current moment. I am almost 49 years old. I have a nice bed I just woke up in, a fantastic son who is waiting for me to make him breakfast, and my life is all in all, good, with the exception of these incessant patterns of constant thought of my non acceptance.

So why? Good question. I haven’t been able to pin point what part of me feels the need to review all of these past hurts. All in all, it’s like it’s trying to diminish my value by reminding me that I’m not in touch with most people from my past anymore. Honestly, all it does is exhaust me before I get a chance to start over in a better, more positive vibration in this brand new day.

So that’s why I’m writing about it. To call it out to the internet, and consequently call it out to the universe through my attention to it. I am done reviewing the rejection of the past. I do not want to think about any of those experiences anymore. What I do want, is to experience peace and harmony, then subsequent happiness, however it comes. I am open to it. Today is a new day, and I deserve to experience it in the moment with the people around me in my 3d experience, fully. That means, I don’t want to be reminded of the people from the past who have chosen to not join me, here.

I love my life, but the drag of these thoughts are really getting me stuck in the quicksand of the sadness of the past, and not the good stuff, and there was plenty of that too. So to this part of me that likes to torture me when I just wake up when I’m in my most vulnerable state with examples of why I’m not worthy of love, thanks, but no. So don’t bother bringing it to me anymore. I’m choosing to focus on love.

My definition of “the universe”:

Universe=God=Love

[ribbittrobbit]

Parasocial stuff is still confusing for me, like what counts as parasocial. Is Tumblr a parasocial experience? Or is it just celebrities? We see the public stuff mutuals and fandom members put out and our brains go "hey friend" about it, does that count?

And the really confusing thing is that we have to make up all the rules, like how and when it's ok to communicate or just be there. I spent a looong time once trying to figure out the Tumblr etiquette of mentioning someone in a post and whether it was appropriate at all to do and I still don't know o_o

IRL people are hard enough to get already T_T

the panic over online interactions is so real like its the same for me as real life where in the moment i’m very “fuck it” but i stress about it before and after like DO PEOPLE THINK IM WEIRD AM I VIOLATING THE UNSPOKEN RULES OF ENGAGEMENT?!??

parasocial relationships being defined as one sided is strange in the context of online community? like the mutuals you don’t speak to directly (messages/asks what have you) vs the mutuals you do actually speak to- but in the context of a community that we have all opted into its so blurry?? but also the feeling of “oh a friend” without acting on it isn’t weird it’s just… the human experience of wanting to find people who are like you. The desire to slap ominous labels on different normal aspects of Just Being a Person man, like can i feel things without having to analyse them and categorise them, please? (i say while i aggressively analyse everything i think and feel- i’m a hypocrite as well as a little shit)

but also with mutuals on tumblr a thing im always very fond of is the anonymity of the whole thing. especially considering that lately the internet has been turning towards monetising your existence/ influencer culture - which is a whole other can of worms for the whole parasocial thing but luckily its a genre of content i dont really care about so i’ve not given it much thought. but yeah, love being able to be absolutely feral on here and it being an outlet for a very specific slice of my personality without being too “exposed”.

(even though i link my portfolio, look man being a freelance illustrator makes you open to whatever way you can be found)

[asksoldieron]

WTF Are We Doing Here? (Pinned Intro Post!)

This is my website!

My comments are broken! You know what works slightly better than WordPress comments? Tumblr! My few readers are already here and I'm lookin' for more! So, screw it, time for a side blog!

HEY, TUMBLR! FREE BLORBOS RIGHT HERE! AND NARY A ONCELER AMONG THEM!

"Are they traumatized?" I hear you say. YES! God, yes.

"Are they neurodivergent?" I hear you say. YES! AND SO AM I!

"Do they fuck?" I hear you say. YES! But not here, because the algorithm will eat me if they do. I want to be seen! There will be language and probably violence and queerness and political opinions, but don't get me in fucking trouble, Tumblr. I'm gonna get enough flack for the queerness. I'm very fragile. Be nice.

So! Let me babble for multiple paragraphs trying to explain myself to strangers on the internet, like usual!

This is Milo. If this blog functions the way I want it to, I'll make you some nice reaction images eventually, but Milo in shadow-puppet form will suffice for an example.

Milo says: I don't want to be an example!

Too bad! If you want to talk to Milo, use the ask button and address him by name. He lives in my brain, they all do. I'll get him for you. I'll make him talk.

Milo says: WHAT? *faints*

Well, Milo prefers to communicate in text and images for the time being, so we'll omit the quote marks for him, unless something changes.

Milo says: What? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY CHANGE?

Who knows? It's a very long serialized story and there's lots of character development. That's the fun part! Fixate on, I mean, be very normal about a character and get more and more and more content about them, watch them grow and change and develop relationships, scream at me and at them when you feel like it, and just keep doing that until I get bored or die. What's not to like?

For the moment, I'm the only one working on this story, and I can't afford to hire help, so we're not talking about flawless quality here, but it's free! (Or pay what you want.) So, please,

🌈Lower Your Expectations!🌟

Yay! There are a lot of site issues and there's only so much I'm able to do to fix it. Typos that look like words are my moral enema. If something is so broken you can't read it or understand it, or if I've really hurt you, please drop me a line (via the message box, if it's not for publication) and I'll do what I can. Otherwise, if you like this content and want more, be kind.

I'm autistic and high-masking so you will be speaking to the public-relations version of me. It's as buggy as my site! I'm just gonna be relentlessly positive about everything! Unless I can't. That's not necessarily your fault, but sometimes I can't. So if you're a little ND too, and a lack of response makes you crater - If I don't answer it's probably not because of anything you did. I got a lot on my plate and social ability is always the first thing to go.

Milo says: Preach, Sibling.

The versions of Milo and the others you'll meet will not be the canon versions, nor will their interactions here affect the story. So go nuts!

Milo says: What? No! Be nice to me too!

And, naturally, these versions exist in a context-free void where they can chat happily with strangers from another universe, even if the real ones would freak out and scream

Milo says: You can't mess around with my brain so I can't feel fear! Oh, my gods! I NEED my brain!

No, no. I'm only making sure you don't have an existential crisis due to the context-free void.

Milo says: Oh. Yeah. That's not a big deal. The context-free void has hot chocolate and snacks.

Right, so we're not hurting them. It's fine! It'll be perfectly safe!

Milo says: Yay❤️!

I'll do another post and give you the lowdown on myself and the main cast, including aliases and pronouns. Or, if you've tripped over this out there in your feed, you could always just go read the darn story. It'll take a while. There's a lot of it already. But we'll be here waiting for you! (Don't comment at the site. Are you reading me? You're on Tumblr, you are here to read. Maintain your reading comprehension at all times! The comments are fucking broken.)