#haymitch abernathy x fem!oc

[kahlanmars]

BAD FEELING part. 8

HIIII, I did have some troubles with the story but I'm here now!

MASTERLIST (parts 1 - 7)

8. The Interview

*gif not mine*

You wake up sweaty and crying. 

A murderer, you are a murderer, you are a killer, you are a monster. 

«Haymitch!» You scream, panic in your voice. He comes close and hugs you tight, allowing you to kiss him through the tears. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t cuddle you like you are a kid, but he stays there.

«I’m sorry I woke you up.» You whisper, when you are calmed down a bit. Gosh he had the roughest night and he has to console you.

«Nonsense.» He replies, but you know he is tired, his eyes are baggy and puffed and his hands are trembling. 

«You were having a rough night and I…» He stops you with a kiss. 

«And you cleaned up my mess and stayed with me. Stop. This. Nonsense.» 

You shut up and kiss him again. You feel guilty because you get to kiss this amazing guy and that man is dead, but most of all you feel guilty because you don’t. You tighten his embrace and pepper kisses on his face. It’s weird how different he can be at night. 

You are not feeling guilty because the man you killed was a violent rapist. One less in the world. You murdered him and now he won’t assault other victors. And you were protecting the people you loved. You were protecting them. You repeat that to yourself like a mantra.  

«Are you feeling better?» You ask him with a concerned look on your face.

«Yes, sweetheart, I feel better. Sleep, we have a rough day ahead of us.» 

You would really want him to know you understand. You may not get completely what he experienced, but you get what an addiction is. He is severely traumatised. 

You are in love with him. You may be dead in two days and you are in love with someone for the first time, and you know Holly wouldn’t be pleased - a grumpy man fifteen years older than you. But if a miracle happens and you win the games (the only chances are whatever happened to Annie Cresta, maybe), you are sure you want to spend the rest of your life with him.

He doesn’t get to say a word about it.

Today is the day of the interview. Today is the last day you have to pretend to be a perfect princess to survive. 

You just decided.

The preparation team comes in the morning, so you make sure you are in your room and not Haymitch’s and you wait for them to arrive. Everybody is still sleeping, Katniss and Peeta included. 

«Girl, hi! You were so good, a TEN? We may have a winner this year!» You hear Portia’s voice and go to hug her. You don’t think Twelve will have a winner this year, you are probably dead already and you can’t even mention Clark winning it, but what could you say? “No, I’m gonna die”? No, you have to play pretend. 

«I’ve thought of something pretty special for you.» She can’t contain the excitement from her face. 

«I’m in your hands.» You assure her. 

The next two hours are fully dedicated to preparation and when you get to look yourself in the mirror you remember how happy you were the first time someone made you this cute. Sure, you hate the Capitol, but you can’t help it, you love fashion, dresses and make up. Just not as much as you love, you know, staying alive.

Your raven hair is silky smooth, your eyes are painted with silver glitter but the dress is what is really stunning. Blue and silver, with diamonds on the shoulders and the neckline, long lace sleeves and a massive gown. You look like an ancient goddess of nature, not a twenty-four year old tribute.

«You are a princess!» Portia is behind you, looking at her masterpiece. You don’t know who the interview will be, but there is no doubt the dress will be remembered.

«You think so?»

«Are you ready? We have to go or Effie will blame it on…» Haymitch appears in the room but soon his words fade. «Me.»  

«Do I look good?» 

He just nods until you are in the elevator, for Portia’s sake probably. Still, you are selfish and you really would want him just to scoop you up and kiss you in front of everybody. This is impossible, you know that. 

«Do I look good?» You repeat, even if your friends at home would say against it. This is not a great technique, being utterly in love - in lust - with someone who can clearly notice it. You should play hard to get, maybe? But then again most of the people don’t die in two days, so you feel no shame in saying that you really like him. 

«If only this elevator wasn’t transparent.» He winks at you and then, probably after a few words in his mind, he places a hand on your back.

«What would you do, mentor?» You grin, you can’t help it but flirt with him, especially on something that you like so much like the dresses.

«Teach you a few things, sweetheart.» 

«Don’t call me sweetheart if you don’t want to kiss me!» 

He stops you before you could go for a cuddle, because he knows you too much. «After, in the penthouse. I will be in the audience and Effie and Portia will be with you on the sofa.»

You bright up at the mention of your escort. «Do you think Effie will like the dress?»

«You are gorgeous, it’s impossible not to love it.» He says, clearly annoyed. 

«Good. But to be fair she is gorgeous-gorgeous, like naturally a goddess so I don’t think it counts.» 

He rolls his eyes. «I don’t even want to know if I need to be jealous.» 

«You should just keep an eye on us.» You joke. 

Turns out you are not that ready for an interview.

«That I don’t mind.» He kisses you on the cheek, and in a moment you are ready for the interview.  

You are a little ashamed of yourself for being scared. You love people, you love talking, and you actually like being Panem Sweetheart when they don’t talk about puking to eat more or bullshit like that. You wanted to be a teacher, you are not exactly an introvert. 

Then why are you so nervous? 

You want Effie or Portia, they would bring you up. In situations like these you always want your friends. 

You really, really tried not to think about your friends at home, because if you think about them you wonder if they watch you, if they have food for the month, how are the kids at school and the one you babysit. You miss Madge, the major’s daughter. She is a little younger than you, Katniss’s age, but you two bonded while you cleaned the major’s house. 

Now is not the time to think about it, Daisy.

«So, District 12. Do you miss home?» Caesar asks. This year he has a purple wig, less beautiful than last year’s one. He is in front of you and he still manages to look like he's on television. No wrinkles, no flaws, very Capitol. It’s kinda scary.

«Of course I miss home, I miss the children. I wanted to be a teacher, and I’m a babysitter. I was.» You correct yourself with a bright smile. «But I discovered I like dresses and fashion.»

«Really? Not many tributes say thay!» Yeah, maybe because we are dragged here to slaughter each other. 

«Oh well, Caesar, I have to say that Capitol City surprised me, but the people are very nice!» Liar liar. The only nice people in the Capitol are Effie and Portia, and from what you saw, Cinna. But of course you can’t tell that to Caesar Flickerman, Panem's most beloved showman. «And thanks to my escort, Effie Trinket, I now know what it feels to be pretty.»

If President Snow got to threaten Effie because of you he is aware you love her so much, so for what it’s worth you want her to have the recognition she deserves.

«You seem very fond of your escort.»

«Yeah, I mean, Effie is a genius, and so is my mentor, Haymitch Abernathy. I wouldn’t have been able to have a ten without them, I have a chance thanks to them. And to Portia, who designed this beautiful dress!» You really want Effie to be happy, but you feel like you have to mention your entire team. You can see Haymitch in the audience, nodding at you. 

«Oh, and this beautiful dress is for someone in particular? Like a suitor?» 

«Not exactly. No, mom, I don't have a boyfriend!» You look directly at the camera, and you hear that the people in the audience are laughing. Good. «But I do like someone.»

«A boy from your district?» Caesar leans towards you, like you are gossiping in the market. You play along. 

«A man from my district. The most awesome and handsome and intelligent man I know.» 

«So you have to win for him.» He takes your hand. As much as you despise Capitol City, you don’t think Caesar Flickerman is a bad person. He is really trying to make you look good, maybe he is like Effie, simply livin’ in luxury, not aware of what happens in the districts. 

«I will win for me. But yeah, I think he will be a good bonus!»

You are quickly dismissed with a lot of claps. It went well. 

You want to go to the penthouse, but Clark is there and truth to be told you don’t even want to listen to him, your interview went well and you just want to go back to relax for the last time, but of course your mentor and escort are not only yours, so you have to wait on the sofa with Effie and Portia.

«You are a talent, girl! When you will be out of the arena I will make you a star!» Effie is not delusional, so she must be a real hopeful woman to say when and not if. Or maybe she really loves you. You hug her tight, just in case, and she gives you a kiss on the cheek like Haymitch did before.

«If I win for a miracle I want to become a dressmaker.» You decide. Not a fancy one, just for the district. You like clothes too much. 

«I expect nothing less, darling girl.»

«Will you be my first model?» 

«I will be honoured.» 

She smiles at you. You made the right decision earlier, you couldn't risk her. Not Effie.

«Let’s watch Clark, then you have to tell me about this man of yours.» 

You roll your eyes - everybody knows you and the other tribute don’t get along, there’s no point in deny it - but stay there to be with them.

«So, Clark, tell us about you. You are from District 12.» Caesar tries really hard to make the guy shine, but all the answers Clarke gives him are dry, laconic and terse. You know he doesn’t want to be there, not shit, you are not really fond of interviews on your last day on earth either, but sponsors could be watching. Doesn’t he want food, supplies and medicines too?

You don’t listen to what he says until he tells Caesar something which catches your attention.

«I don’t think I will win, if I have to be honest.» Liar. He is arrogant and you can see it in his eyes, maybe that’s the strategy he decided with Haymitch. To be… you don’t know what’s the word, pathetic?

«Oh c’mon don’t say that! You are strong, you have a fit body, don’t be humble!» 

You know before he could open his mouth that he has an asset. It’s written all over his bloody disgusting face. 

«Well, it would be easier if my fellow tribute didn’t sleep with our mentor. Really helps with the sponsors.» 

Fuck. You are gonna kill him.

[moonslesbology]

The Lucky One I

prologue - next chapter

YEARS HAD PASSED AND NOTHING ABOUT FINNICK ODAIR REALLY CHANGED, ALWAYS REMAINING THE KID WITH CUTS ON HIS HANDS AND HIS HEART ON HIS SLEEVE. Though, he was always annoyed at Eleanor for taking longer shifts than necessary at St Magdalene Rossetti  and exhausting herself to an unneeded extent. That was his only complain, though Eleanor didn't care though. She preferred the serenity of a doctor's office over the dead silence of a house. Yes, she was only seventeen, but doctors in District 4 were a rarity, not to mention the teenager had been learning all you can about anatomy since she was eight.

She had decided that her potential future as a doctor was much more plausible than becoming a career, fully leaving the academy after Finnick's games just two years prior. Though both Annie and Finnick were annoyed at Eleanor, they both understood why she made her choice.

So, instead she traded her knives and spears for needles and a pair of surgical gloves, content with a life of service to her community. Every year she watched as innocent children were saved in reapings, and while she couldn't save them from the games, she could save them from the grief and guilt.

Eleanor Eves, District 4's local sweetheart, was nothing short than a gentle being with a softness for children, flowers, and her best friends, Finnick Odair and Annie Cresta. If she wasn't working in St Magdalene Rossetti, she was always seen with them, mostly her and Annie tackling Finnick whenever they had a chance.

There wasn't a single bone in her body that allowed Eleanor the ability to take a life.

Breathing in heavily, Eleanor rubbed her eyes as she opened the door for Mr Ives, an older man with greying hair but warm eyes. Everyone knew of his unlucky streak down at the docks, always managing to cut his hands with the knives he weaved through the scales of fish caught at sea. 

Mr Ives, a man who seemed to have a streak for always cutting his hand whenever he cut the fish, seemed overtly fond of the brunette for her sweetness. Men from The Quay had brought him in just fifteen minutes before and he had adamantly insisted only Eleanor stitch up his cut. He had known her since she began working properly and trusted her to work on his wounds after she had expertly patched him up after a nasty cut on his hand, something her mother's unsteady hands struggled to do. At the time, the thirteen year old was figuring out the busy environment of a doctor's office, and watched as her mother struggled to steady her hand over Mr Ives' bleeding wound. Eleanor had logically gone and took the instruments off her mother, patching him up quickly and without many words. Ever since then, it was always Eleanor who helped him.

"You know Sweetheart, you have a real talent," Mr Ives had remarked, wincing as Eleanor injected the Morphling into his arm. She unwrapped the cloth that had been tied over the cut, immediately wiping away any of the excess blood. She grabbed onto the thread, tying it to the needle, before exhaling as she began sewing up the cut.

Eleanor gave him a small smile. "Believe me I wouldn't be this good if you didn't get injured this much, Mr Ives." She laughed apologising as she saw him wince slightly from the sight of the needle. "How's Martha and the baby?"

He gave a laugh. "The little lady's getting proper done with the kid, I'll tell you that." Mr Ives was a sweet man, Eleanor always thought so. He had always given her family extra fish whenever he could spare some. He was eternally grateful for her mother helping his wife get through a nasty case of the flu two winters prior and by association, was in debt to Eleanor. "She keeps demanding I wash in the garden since she pukes whenever I'm near her after my shifts."

Eleanor shook her head. "She is seven months along now and fish does smell bad when it's on you." Eleanor ignored the playful glare Mr Ives gave her. She decided on changing the topic. "Do you guys have any name ideas?"

"None Sweetheart." He shook his head with a laugh. "Wanted to call her Eleri and Martha nearly throttled me. She said that name made her feel sick as a fish." She laughed as he rolled his eyes, mimicking Martha's thick District 4 accent with a shake of his head. Martha Ives had come from The Cove, a region seemingly alienated from the rest of District 4. Their accents stood out like sore thumbs and Martha's was thick and rich, something Mr Ives adored. 

Eleanor grinned, finally finishing off the stitches. She finally cut away at the thread, patting down on the stitches before pulling out a bandage. She wrapped it carefully around the hand, finally nodding up at him as she finished.  "There, you better go home now." She told the man with an authoritative tone. There was a hint of playfulness in her voice as she instructed him.  "No fishing for at least a week. Keep the stitches dry and come back in about a week. Mary'll remove them then." She pulled Mr Ives into a hug, laughing as he pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"Sweetheart you are an absolute gem!" He laughed. He reached into his pocket, trying to pull out any spare change he had, only for Eleanor to shake her head at him. "Oh come off it, it's the least I can do."

She shook her head adamantly. "Policy is policy, Mr Ives. We don't care about money here, we aren't struggling for it at all. Now go, I don't want to see you until Martha has the baby."

He kissed her on the cheek once more, getting up and leaving the room. Eleanor sighed heavily, grabbing the cup of water which sat on the desk and taking a sip. She yawned, rubbing her eyes slightly. Then, she finally heard his voice and sobered up, blinking quickly to wash away any feelings of exhaustion.

Finnick Odair despised the days where Eleanor worked longer than necessary. Sometimes, his hatred took the literal form of him storming into St Magdalene Rossetti, just like today.  As much as he tried convincing her otherwise, often using the excuse that he misses her way too much, Eleanor always found herself spending most her days cooped up with foolish men who injured themselves down on the docks. It wasn't a bad job per say, just tedious with how frequently the same men came back constantly. 

As Finnick walked in, Eleanor exhaled heavily.

There were several ways in which Finnick Odair could be here:

A. He's injured.

B. He helped someone get here injured.

or

C. He simply wanted to annoy her.

Most the time, well at least nowadays, C was always the most logical and most likely explanation. "I swear to god, Finnick, you better not be injured again!" Eleanor raged as she walked around the room, pulling out bandaids and gauzes. She could already hear his choked laughs, rolling her eyes as she finally got off the ground. Finnick was stood in the centre of the room, holding a bouquet of tulips, scratching his head with a bashful smile. Her eyes softened, a blush already brewing on her cheeks. "Flowers?"

"Tulips," He grinned as she finally stood next to him, Finnick moving to smell the tulips and sighing breathlessly. He watched with fond eyes as she grinned at the bouquet, clearly not expecting the gesture. "My favourite which should be your favourite."

Eleanor grinned, a small blush already coating her cheeks. She couldn't help the way her heart fluttered as she took the tulips, holding them up to her nose and smelling them with a sigh. She wondered if flowers meant anything to Finnick, and if so, did they mean anything because he was giving them to her?

"Flirt with me when I'm not working, Odair." She rolled her eyes as he audibly groaned, quickly moving to grab a vase from the window. She gave the flowers one last smell, placing them in the empty vase and turning to see Finnick simply grinning at her. She gave an exhausted smile, hoping her cheeks weren't obviously red. She hoped she could just pass them off as a small sunburn if they were. "Seriously, why are you here?"

"Can't a guy miss his best girl?" He gave a lopsided grin, bouncing from one foot to the other.

Eleanor rolled her eyes. "Bother Annie, I'm sure she's not busy." She sighed, placing the bandaids down on the desk. She could feel Finnick's eyes on her, those stupid sea green eyes fixed on her figure as she finally took off her scrubs. "Don't tell me, you can't find her."

He nodded. "She's a good hider." Finnick scratched the back of his head with a bashful grin, watching Eleanor with a warm gaze.

"We always did beat you at hide and seek."

Finnick's eyebrows furrowed at Eleanor. "You mean, Annie, always beat me. You just followed her." He gave a laugh as Eleanor pushed him a way, scoffing in offence. Finally though, he held his hand out to her, looking at the clock momentarily before deciding for the both of them what they'd do next. "Come on, you're taking a break. Tell Ida and Margaret you're clocking out. You need a break."

Eleanor shook her head. "No, I've only got," she paused, looking at the clock before counting in her head. "four more hours." But it seemed as though Finnick wasn't having it, grabbing onto Eleanor and dragging her out, much to her protests. It seemed as though both Ida and Margaret were elated seeing the pair, waving Eleanor off with grins. "Finnick!"

Finnick grinned back at her, practically skipping alongside her. "You've been working all day! Have some fun!"

[oweninadaydream]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫 ||𝐇.𝐀𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐲

summary : Haymitch finds solace in a friendship with young (Y/N). Now Haymitch is outside, watching. (Y/N) is in the Arena, fighting.

song inspo: "There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair" - The Great War by Taylor Swift

pairing : Haymitch Abernathy x fem!reader (platonic)

word count : 1.8 k

contains : angst, hurt no comfort, betrayal, found family trope, violence, some gore, death, this story is set way before Katniss and Peeta's games. Also, first time writing for this character so probably a bit OC Haymitch hahaha.

a/n : Here you have my first moodboard !!! I wanted to try and capture the vibes of the story in three images and I'm pretty proud of myself. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the story :) PD: shoutout to @sarahisslytherin for being so supportive everytime I have a crisis hahaha. Comments are always appreciated 🩷

“I think it’s time I have another dose of that medicine they've sent'' she said as a cue for him to get up from his spot and hand her the remedy inside the metallic jar. (Y/N) had been sick for a day and a half and, even though it was the boy's fault that they had encountered the monster that had bitten her, she wasn’t holding it against him. She knew she could trust him ; at the end of the day, the male tribute from her district had made an alliance with her and she had been doing everything in her power so that he didn’t die. He stood up and handed her the jar. 

Haymitch had awoken suddenly after falling asleep on the couch while watching the games in the room designated to the mentors. The constant worry was affecting his sleep schedule and his appetite detrimentally. Not for the boy, no ; he didn’t give a shit about that brat who had skipped all the training sessions and had dismissed his mentor every time he tried to give them valuable advice. He was anxiously picking his lips for her, for (Y/N).

People thought Haymitch had met her after the Reaping, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Ever since (Y/N) was little, she roamed the District streets in solitude, as her mother had died and her father was extremely neglectful towards her. A younger Haymitch had recently become the District 12's victor and was beginning to develop a certain addiction to alcohol when, one cold afternoon, he encountered a young child by the gates of Victors Village.

Her sparkly eyes caught his tired gaze and a stare contest began. "I don't have time for this bullshit" he crankly thought while looking away. She asked him his name and that if that big house was his. He turned around and wondered whether he should engage in a conversation with the child who obviously had no better place to be at. He noticed the kid was underfed and didn't wear any winter clothes. The heart that had stopped beating after surviving the Hunger games came back to life , like a phoenix being reborn from its ashes. From that day on a very special bond was created between the two unfortunate souls. He was still very grumpy and had a little problem with drinking, but (Y/N) made him want to do better. She was incredibly smart and her sarcasm was one of the very few things that made the former tribute laugh. Their talks and dinners were a secret to the rest of the world ; he couldn't risk hurting the girl he had grown to love as a daughter.

He soon discovered her birthday was the day after the Reaping. This year she would turn 19 and the panic the Reaping used to cause her would finally end. Just one more year of not getting chosen and she could live a peaceful life, just like she had always dreamed of. The latter year Haymitch had been talking about taking her in as his daughter, as her father had also passed away. But before that could happen, the most disgustingly ironic thing happened.

"(Y/N), (Y/N) (Y/L/N)" 

One day, she only needed one more day. But it seemed useless to whine about something that would not change anyway. The other tribute was a boy nobody really talked to, so neither she nor Haymitch had any idea of what to expect from him. To say that the mentor was devastated was an understatement. But he could not show it, his face impassible as ever instead. 

He was there for every meltdown before the dozens of events, for every doubt she could have about how to make it out of the Arena alive, for every nightmare about what fate had planned for her. Haymitch observed with a worried frown how nobody approached (Y/N) during training week ; she was very astute but her mentor had stressed the importance of making alliances in order to have more chances to survive, and seeing how she was going to be all alone out there compressed his chest with acute pain.

He did everything in his power to prepare her for the multiple dangers she could be facing out there. Still, Haymitch’s mind couldn’t help but explore the darkest scenarios ; optimism was never one of his qualities. In the end, the apathetic boy from 12 decided to make an effort at the end of training season and he turned out to be a magnificent and stealthy climber ; he also started to get close to (Y/N) and they decided to team up. The change of attitude shocked Haymitch but since (Y/N) was much more calm and focused, he didn't put too much thought into it.

The District 12 mentor stared at the bright screen in front of him and watched how (Y/N) was sound asleep. The last 3 hours had been pretty dull on their part of the prefabricated habitat : he had gone out to collect some wood and after he had returned, he lit a fire and offered to watch out for any intruders while she slept. 

Suddenly, Haymitch noticed how the young male had started pacing back and forth in a nervous manner. His instinct of suspecting of everything anyone does kicked in very quickly. The tribute started sobbing heavily as he wielded the dagger he had managed to obtain from the cornucopia a few days earlier. His shaky hands lifted the weapon in the air and, with all the strength the teenager possessed, he stabbed her. 

The blade of his dagger penetrated her back with disturbing ease. He felt as if someone had put him on autopilot and, despite (Y/N) turning to feebly try to defend herself from the unexpected attack, he kept her still against the cold ground and continued to inflict the fatal wounds.

Her shuddering screams reached her assailant's ears like a distant echo. On the television, however, (Y/N)'s last words were perfectly understandable. His name. She was screaming his name. Haymitch couldn't quite detect whether the screams were a conscious call as a hurried form of farewell or a primal instinct in search of comfort triggered by a delusional pain that caused her to abandon all logic or coherent thought. If he had to bet, he would go for the second option, considering how quickly she was bleeding to death and the panicked expression on her face as she realized her life was rapidly coming to an end.

The stabs were becoming significantly weaker and that could only mean that the adrenaline rush that had originally enabled him to act in favor of his secret plan had slowly faded, only to leave him stranded in the tragic reality he had created. The screams stopped quite quickly, as she was choking on her own blood. The lack of cries caught the attention of the aggressor, who looked down and saw how (Y/N) breathed out for the last time. His shirt was a crimson mess. However,  nothing could compare with the bloody puddle that was coming out of her body. 

Leaving no time to mourn or process the scene in front of him, the Careers appeared and found the violent scene already over. Without an ounce of remorse or repulse, one of the District 1 tributes made their way towards the paralyzed teen and the corpse.

“There’s no time to waste. Give us her supplies, we’ll take them to our hidden spot in the skirts of the mountain. Meanwhile, you must go to the Cornucopia and bring some more food and weapons. You’ll join us later” The commanding voice of the male tribute intimidated the boy from 12 who obediently began to hand them what used to be (Y/N)’s : the matching axes, the food she had collected and had determined to be safe to consume, the medicine that was supposed to help her heal from the bites of the venomous creature. 

Haymitch beheld the horrific scene shown on the gigantic TV totally disassociated from reality ; he couldn’t move but the uneasiness crawling up his skin created a tight and uncomfortable feeling that he urgently needed to shake off. How could the boy be so stupid, so naive ? The Careers would kill him after he had completed the tasks they had ordered him to do; he was just a pawn in their master plan to win that hellish competition.

The camera pointed towards the interior of the cave where the body of the young woman laid still. Haymitch could barely recognize the corpse; that could not be the girl that brought light back to his life after living in the dark for so long or the young adult who respected him but also held him accountable when he messed up. No, that was not her. His brain could not assimilate the idea of her dying in such a vile and miserable way. That scum, poor excuse of a man would regret breaking his word, backstabbing his daughter like only a coward would.

He wished him a slow, painful and sanguinolent death. Actually, he wished he could have entered that damned Arena and done the job himself ; if you want something done right do it yourself, right? After a couple of seconds, the sound of the canyon and the image of (Y/N) projected in the sky appeared on the TV and as fast as they came, they disappeared from the screens, moving on to something much more entertaining for the expecting audience. 

He quickly excused himself from the room before anyone could begin to notice the grief in his expression. In the quietness of his private room, he started wailing and throwing everything in his way around, tearing all his belongings to pieces as a way to channelize his pain. After a while, he stopped only to approach the drinks cabinet provided by the generous Capitol, and he poured himself one of the many drinks he would have that night and the days to follow.

His heart began to develop another stone wall around itself, but this time it would never ever be destroyed, not like (Y/N) had managed to all those years ago. This time he would drown all his sorrow and any kind of emotion in all the types of liquors he could find. He would close himself to the world ; nobody would carve him open again, nobody would get so close to the real version of himself. He vowed then and there to abandon all hope and just let the years go by until the arrival of his final day. 

He exited the room only to sit on the balcony floor. While staring at the night sky, he felt a tear rolling down his left cheek ; after releasing a shaky breath, he raised the glass that contained his numbing remedy and murmured : 

" 'till we meet again, sweetheart"

[deliontower]

MAIN MASTERLIST | REQUEST OPEN

Haymitch Abernathy

To love is to destroy - the games don’t end at the sound of the last cannon, they don’t end at all ( x fem!oc)

prologue one

be enough - Reader watches Haymitch propo (x gn!reader)

Sejanus Plinth

wild flowers - Sejanus finds you in the meadow (x gn!reader)

goodbye goodbye goodbye - reader confronts snow ( x gn!reader)

take me to the lakes - Sejanus finds out snow betrayed him

[dorkofclanlavellan]

Haymitch Abernathy Masterlist

Preferences

To be added

Headcanons

To be added

Drabbles

To be added

Ficlets

To be added

One Shots

To be added

Fics

Luck is a Funny Thing (Haymitch x OC) Haymitch's Darlin' (book!Haymitch x fem!OC)

[ao3feed-everlark]

Machine Heart

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/KR5zdOb

by nasiiaa_a

Lorelai Evans hated Reaping day- that was fact. Of course, it was not a very surprising fact. No one in her District enjoyed the Reaping very much. Unlike Districts One, Two and Four, District Three didn't care much for the Hunger Games. The people in Three cared more for technological advancements and scientific discoveries than they did about the Capitol's annual bloodbath disguised as entertainment.

Lorelai, too, growing up in a family full of talented technicians, wasn't interested in the Games and the Capitol and the Victors. She didn't find the Victors any more impressive than her father, who had taught her all she knew about technology and mechanics and instilled in her a great confidence in her intellect and creativity. Inspired by her father, she had decided at twelve that if she could make it to eighteen without getting Reaped, she'd undertake any projects that called out to her. She'd maybe even dabble in quantum mechanics and nuclear power.

But, as it turned out, Lorelai didn't make it to eighteen. In fact, she didn't even make it to her thirteenth birthday before her name was called out at a Reaping. So much for quantum mechanics.

PRE-GAMES TO MOCKINGJAY EVENTUAL FEM!OC X FINNICK

Words: 11219, Chapters: 2/3, Language: English

Fandoms: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, The Hunger Games (Movies)

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Categories: F/M

Characters: Finnick Odair, Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mellark, Haymitch Abernathy, Coriolanus Snow, Alma Coin, Primrose Everdeen, Beetee Latier, Wiress (Hunger Games), Annie Cresta, Johanna Mason, Gale Hawthorne, Effie Trinket, Gloss (Hunger Games), Cashmere (Hunger Games), Plutarch Heavensbee

Relationships: Finnick Odair/Original Female Character(s), Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark, Katniss Everdeen & Finnick Odair, Haymitch Abernathy & Katniss Everdeen, Johanna Mason & Finnick Odair, Annie Cresta & Finnick Odair

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/KR5zdOb

[your-averagewriter]

My Masterlist:

Request rules - Requests are open!

MARVEL:

The time heist - Loki x fem!reader

The Ghost: Part 1 Part 2 - Kate Bishop x fem!reader

Work interruptions. - Shuri x fem!reader

"My golden boy." - Adam Warlock x fem!reader

"I'm not leaving you." - Peter Parker x Leo Nikolaev (oc)

"You, my darling, are definitely an exception." - Hobie Brown x fem!reader

"My little fighter." - Hobie Brown x fem!reader

Imagine the Spiderverse characters meeting Miguel's assistant - Spiderverse characters x fem!reader

"They're just teenagers." - Miguel O'Hara x fem!reader

Two Miguels. - Miguel O'Hara x fem!reader

"She's my wife." - Miguel O'Hara x fem!reader

Imagine the Spiderverse characters with a flirty reader - Spiderverse characters x fem!reader

Not-so-secret identity. - Pavitr Prabhakar x fem!reader

STAR WARS:

The two Mandalorians - Din Djarin x fem!reader

DC:

The reward - Victor Zsasz x male!reader (GOTHAM)

Arkham breakout - Jerome Valeska x fem!reader (GOTHAM)

"You saved me." - Clark Kent x fem!reader (SUPERMAN)

"I thought they killed you." - Rick Flag x fem!reader (THE SUICIDE SQUAD)

"Fuck off America's sweetheart." - Rick Flag x fem!reader (THE SUICIDE SQUAD)

"It's the only goddamn hat you're gonna get." - Robert Dubois x fem!reader (THE SUICIDE SQUAD)

Office romance - CB!Bruce Wayne x fem!reader

STRANGER THINGS:

“You’re not alone.” - Eddie Munson x gender neutral!reader

Eddie Munson headcannon - Eddie Munson x autistic gender neutral!reader

"Of course not!" - Eddie Munson x autistic fem!reader

YOUTUBERS:

"Your water gave me cancer." - Wilbur Soot x fem!reader

DISNEY:

Mi familia! - Pepa Madrigal x fem!reader (ENCANTO)

ANIME:

The Rumbling: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 - Jean Kirstein x fem!reader (ATTACK ON TITAN)

Memories of you. - Reiner Braun x fem!reader (ATTACK ON TITAN)

The aftermath - Demon Slayer x fem!reader (DEMON SLAYER)

Letters - Shironeki x fem!reader (TOKYO GHOUL)

THE HUNGER GAMES:

The Quarter Quell - Finnick Odair x fem!reader

"I will always wait for you." - Finnick Odair x fem!reader

"You look... beautiful." - Young!Haymitch Abernathy x fem!reader

Warm drinks and kisses - Sejanus Plinth x fem!reader

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE:

"I promise" - Gerard Way x fem!reader

"Just kiss me." - Gerard Way x gender neutral!reader

My Chemical Romance MK Concert! - Short review of the MCR concert I went to

"I love you too." - Gerard Way x fem!reader

Sibling quarrels. - Kobra Kid x gender neutral!reader x Party Poison

Evening gone wrong? I wouldn’t say so: Part 1 Part 2 - Gerard Way x fem!reader

Enemies to lovers - Gerard Way x gender neutral!reader

OTHER BANDS:

“Hi baby, I miss you...” - Vic Fuentes x fem!reader (PIERCE THE VEIL)

"Smile for me, darlin'" - Josh Franceschi x fem!reader (YOU ME AT SIX)

"The Maine are f*cking here!" - John O'Callaghan x fem!reader (THE MAINE)

Follow You. - Oli Sykes x fem!reader (BRING ME THE HORIZON)

Beach proposal - Awsten Knight x fem!reader (WATERPARKS)

"Oh wait, you know me?" - Spencer Charnas x male!reader (ICE NINE KILLS)

Bad day. - Spencer Charnas x male!reader (ICE NINE KILLS)

"I wanna be yours." - Alex Turner x fem!reader (ARTIC MONKEYS)

PREY:

“I’ll rip the damn thing.” “You will not!” - Taabe x fem!reader

Don’t add insult to injury. - Taabe x fem!reader

WEDNESDAY:

Mistletoe. -  Ajax Petropolus x fem!reader

Kisses for your work. - Xavier Thorpe x fem!reader

The Snake Issue. - Xavier Thorpe x fem!reader

AVATAR:

"Breathing's harder when a pretty girl's touching your chest." - Neteyam x fem!reader

Midnight swim. - Neteyam x fem!reader

"Don't close your eyes." - Neteyam x fem!reader

Our new home - Neteyam x fem!reader

"Thank you." - Neteyam x fem!reader

HORROR MOVIES:

Wrong number...? - Ethan Landry x fem!reader (SCREAM)

"Goddamn red dress." - Stu Macher x fem!reader (SCREAM)

OTHER SHOWS AND MOVIES:

"You're gonna be the death of me." - John Luther x fem!reader (LUTHER)

"We should have a sleepover." - Ken x fem!reader (BARBIE)

"Carm, the pastries!" - Carmen Berzatto x fem!reader (THE BEAR)

"God, I missed you." - Eggsy Unwin x fem!reader (KINGSMAN)

"Hearts for a sweetheart." - Timothée Chalamet!Willy Wonka x fem!reader (WONKA)

"Only for you darlin'" - Cooper Howard (The Ghoul) x fem!reader (FALLOUT)

Lipstick kisses. - Cooper Howard (pre-apocalypse) x fem!reader

"Thinking I don't love you, 'course I do, sweetheart" - Cooper Howard x fem!reader

-

I update this masterlist as I do more writing so keep an eye out!

Some of these are from over two years ago, the more recent ones are better quality :)

Enjoy reading!

[kahlanmars]

BAD FEELING part. 18

Do I have a problem? Probably. I can't stop writing. And if you want to listen to "Movement" by Hozier during this chapter I recommend it!!

MASTERLIST

18. Betrayal

After two hours you finish your dress, a simple blue dress that is a little too elegant for the district but absolutely plain and casual for Capitol City, but this is the best that you can do with curtains - curtains you never saw and that disappeared and you know absolutely nothing about it. 

You hear the door open and Effie comes into the room, with a wide smile on her face and red cheeks.

«Why are you here? I thought you would sleep at Portia’s.» You ask, as curious as a monkey. 

«We decided not to make it fast.»

Oh. You did everything fast. One minute you said something about your feelings and the moment after you were moaning on his disgusting bed.

But then again, you were going to die, they are not.

«Wise women. So…?» You pat the bed, so she could sit there. 

«I don’t know, Daisy. I really don’t know. Mather would kill me.» You stroke her hair. Now that she has natural hair she is even more beautiful, you think. Strawberry blonde hair, you have no idea why she used to hide them. If you had strawberry blonde hair you would show them off everyday. 

«Welcome to the club, we meet on Saturdays.»

«I always thought we were friends. I loved her, but… I loved her as a friend. And now I’m feeling something else. I don’t know what I like, but I know I like Portia. I thought about losing her and I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t breathe.» You take her hand.

When you discovered you liked Dianna you were terrified and alone, at the age of fourteen in your room with a big secret that you knew could be dangerous in a place like District 12. Now it doesn’t have to be like that for Effie. It won’t be like that for Effie, if you can do something about it. She is not alone. 

«I’m so happy for you, Effie. You deserve it.» You hug her tight. «And Portia is beautiful, you are beautiful, you will make a great couple at the party!» 

With the last word is like she wakes up from a dream, she has a wedding to prepare. She almost finished everything, always on schedule, always on time. 

«Oh yeah, the party. Do you want a dress? I managed to take some with me.» She opens the little wardrobe they gave you. There are two or three dresses, such a pity for all the beautiful things you are sure she has.

«Oh no I did it, but can I say it’s one of yours?» You innocently ask. «I don’t think they would like for me to use their curtains. And maybe Perla or Lora won’t have anything to wear.»

«Of course.» She laughs, but then her eyes soften a little. «Ehi, I’ve seen your mother around. She is always with that woman.»

That woman. Marjorie. You don’t really want to hate her, but it’s like she tries to steal everything from you. She befriended Holly, and you and your mother are not on the best terms right now. You say hi, ask her how she is and then nothing. It’s a pity, considering you two were really close before the games.

«Yeah, I know. They were friends when they were children or something, apparently Holly was her babysitter.» You scuff, clearly annoyed.

«Is that okay for you?» Effie is too polite to say what she wants to say. Holly, on the other hand, is never kind with her opinion on the woman.

«I suppose.» You look at her, «No. No, it’s not okay. She’s the woman that broke my heart. My mother shouldn't want to spend time with her.» You curl against her. You never sleep in your bed, maybe Portia won’t like it and you will begin to, but for now you want your cuddles. «Is that selfish of me?»

«Maybe.» She takes some hair out of your face. «But your mother should have you as a priority.»

«I don’t get it. She said she was sorry for Clark when she saw he wanted to kill me, now she is friends with the woman who stole Haymitch from me… and I know it’s bad to say, women don’t “steal”, but she kinda did it. Just her.» You pout. You are being unfair and you know it, Marjorie has been through hell, but she demanded her price without thinking of you. You were there. You exist.

«You know your mother didn’t want you two together.»

«Yeah, she probably is her best friend for this reason.» You shrug, «Maybe she would prefer me to be still perfect but dead.»

«Don’t even mention it. I prefer you very much alive, darling girl.» She wraps her arms around your waist.

«And that is why you are my best friend.» You watch her with a grin. «And now that Portia is your girlfriend, I can be your best friend too!»

«You are sweet, you know that?» She laughs at you. «Yes.»

After a morning spent trying to prepare a very frightened bride, it seems like you succeeded. Annie is beautiful in her white long dress, with her red hair wrapped in a complicated braid and a little bit of makeup on her face. She is very simple, the best definition for her is pure. She is pure.

She will be a very happy bride. 

«I’ll go check on the groom.» You announce, because you don’t trust the men to do a great job with Finnick. «I’ll come back.»

Finnick is, in fact, alone in his room. Stupid men. How is it that Annie is surrounded by her friends and the male companions didn’t think of it? Nobody should prepare himself alone on the day of his wedding. 

You knock, but he already saw you and he just smiles at you. «If you came because you are utterly in love with me and you want to beg me to cancel the wedding, I’m afraid I can’t anymore.»

You roll your eyes. «You break my heart.»

«Well with you in this dress, likewise.» 

His flirting means nothing, you are well aware he is stranded with love for Annie Cresta. You admit you are beautiful today, tho. The dress you sew yourself suits you like a glove, and now you are wrapped in a long blue dress with a low cleavage - just to spite your mother - and a round skirt. Your raven hair is up in a loose braid, and you went for simple makeup too, it is all you have after all.

«Do you need help with that, Odair?» You ask, lifting the tie. He does not, you already know that, they are great with knots in District Four, but it’s a bit of a tradition. Mags is not there for him, and nobody apparently cares enough to stand with him - he is very close to Katniss, but the poor girl is not in her right mind at the moment, losing Peeta broke her. 

You can step up for a minute.

«If you want.» He flashes a smile at you. He is so happy and so calm. He is twenty four and he is getting married, and he is calm.

«How am I more nervous than you are?» You tease, while you knot the tie. 

«Annie is the woman of my life and I love her?» He guesses. «I’m sure of my intention. I want a family with her, raise a bunch of children, and I want to love her forever. Why would I be nervous? This is the first thing I’m sure of in my entire life.» 

Your smile fades a little. You are being selfish, but you can’t help but compare the situation. Finnick is sure he wants a future with Annie, and they went through hell and back to be with each other. Finnick was abused, Annie was tortured, and yet they were never in doubt with the love they had for each other. She is his first thought in the morning and the last at night. They are what poetry is about. 

He was her mentor too. They have just a few years of difference, but he was the first fourteen years old victor in the history of Panem. He has loved her since he was sixteen, like in a fairy tale.

«I envy you. What you have is precious.» You cup his cheek on your hand and squeeze a little in reassurance. «I’m sure you won’t waste it.»

«You will have that too. One day someone will step on the door and you’ll know you will love him forever.» 

You can’t help but shake your head. «I wanted it with someone and he didn’t. End of story.»

«End of story? You are twenty four!» He protests, but you shush him. 

«This is your wedding day. Let’s not talk about me.»

«Finnick for fucks sakes why you didn’t tell me- oh. Sweetheart.» 

Haymitch barges in the room like a fury, raging about something until he sees you. He is in his jumpsuit, didn’t bother to change into something more fitting for the occasion, but he is still handsome. His hair is brushed and he cutted his beard.

Or she did it for him.

Capitol City, two days before the games

You have been in the bathroom for an hour now and you didn’t accomplish anything. Alone you would, but your mentor is not as disciplined as you.

«Dear heavens Haymitch, I will hurt you! I have a blade in my hand!» You laugh, trying to sneak out of his embrace. He doesn’t let you go, though. Too busy kissing your neck, biting your collarbone like a damn cannibal.

«Why bother with the beard when we could spend our time together in a different, tastier way?» He grins as he puts a hand on your thigh, trying to open your legs a little. He is not gentle, he is never gentle, but he can handle his strength and he is sure he is not hurting you. 

«Tastier? Am I a cake?» You giggle. 

«You are delicious, sweetheart.» Now his hand is definitely between your legs, and you can’t think about anything when he kisses you like that.

«And you will be handsome when we cut your beard! Hands where I can see them!» You order. 

«You like my beard.» He pouts. He actually pouts. He is adorable when he is vulnerable, and you can’t help but kiss him again and again and again.

«Yeah, when it’s in control. Now it’s out of control and your hands shake too much to do it alone.»

«I trust you with a blade, gorgeous.» He grins like a devil, «It’s just hard to stay close to you without touching you.»

«Really?» You wrap your arms around his neck. «Are you whipped like that?» 

«I refuse to answer.» He locks you in his arms and pecks your lips. «Hi beautiful.»  

You look at him in a way that you really hope he doesn’t understand. «Hi. We won’t shorten the beard, will we?»  

«Let's see, shorten a beard or devour my girl?»

In the end, you didn’t cut the beard.

«Hi.»

He looks at you. You feel proud that his eyes go wide and he can’t stop wandering through your body for a moment before recollecting himself. You always loved how he watched you, like you are something precious, to protect. You don’t think you need protection so much, but you want someone who is willing to do that.

And then you remember you don’t have him anymore.

«Hi.» You answer, trying to keep your voice down.

«You look nice.» He offers, as he takes a step next to you. You are not sure you want him close, if you can’t kiss him. 

«You don’t look so bad yourself. You shaved.» You point out, memories creep in your mind. 

He shrugs, «Yeah, I needed it and it’s a way to keep Katniss out of her thoughts.»

So it’s Katniss who helped him, not Marjorie. It’s nothing, but you feel happier already. Although you don’t know if it’s safe to keep Katniss near a blade right now. 

«She did a good job.» You grant. He takes another step closer to you.  

«She didn’t cut my throat and that’s enough, I suppose. Nice dress.» 

You can’t help but grin when his eyes stare again at your body, knowing that he wants it too. A month ago he could have ripped it out of you at the end of the day. You would lie if you refused to admit you did sew it thinking about his reaction.

«I did it myself.» You add, very much proud of your job. 

«You are talented, I’ll give you that.» He caresses your hip with the palm of his hand and you whimper. «Are you going alone tonight?»

«All alone, yes. Well, with Perla and Lora.» You don’t want to ask him that stupid question. You know he doesn’t go alone at the wedding, he is taking that disgusting woman and you don’t want to be reminded of that.

You don’t speak anymore and neither does he, but you stay there, he has a hand on your waist, you begin to do small circles on his arm with your finger, your hazel eyes locked into his blue ones, and you really don’t want to move because for a minute you can pretend he is taking to the wedding, that everything is normal again.

Until Finnick clears his throat. 

«I feel very much ignored on my wedding day.» He declares, annoyed and offended. «Now, Haymitch has to stay with me at the altar and Daisy needs to help Annie, so go.»

«I’ll go, I’ll go!» You jump at his voice and you run to the door, back to reality.

You end up crying at the wedding. The ceremony is beautiful, Finnick and Annie are burning with happiness and they are so beautiful, they sincerely look like a team. If there’s someone out there who deserves it it’s Finnick. 

Also, the cafeteria is very nice and you are proud of what you and the others have done, the atmosphere is almost magical for a grey and sad place such as District 13. 

When the groom and the bride start the dance, you go sit down at a table. You are not in the mood for dancing, not with Holly who watches you like a hawk and Marjorie who is begging Haymitch to take her for a dance, claiming too loudly that he danced when he was sixteen and it’s just like a bicycle.

Effie and Portia are dancing together, and you don’t want to disturb them, Lora is nowhere to be seen, you are content just to stay alone.

«I refuse to see you like that.»

Perla sits next to you and she takes your hand in hers, and she ignores your glare. She is very beautiful tonight, she borrowed a dress from Effie that fits her like a glove, a bustier sundress white and silver. Not exactly Effie’s colours - she’s great in golden, but then again she must have packed the most simple dresses she had. 

Her auburn hair is let loose on her shoulders and, well, her sparkling blue eyes are always mesmerising. 

«Perla! I was perfectly fine-»

«Watching your ex dancing with his girlfriend? No way. You are hot. You are young. He is the one who has to eat his guts in regret.» She seems very convinced, and she is your friend, but you would really prefer to stay on your seat. «I’ve met someone.»

«Perla, it’s fantastic! Who’s the lucky guy?» You ask her, curious, but she dismisses.

«Not important.»

«Must be very special.» You deadpan.

She ignores you. «What’s important is that he has a friend.» 

You immediately shake your head. «No way. I’m sorry but I’m not ready for…»

«I’m not offering you the love of your life! Flirt a little, give him a kiss, have mind blowing sex to help you forget! That’s what boys are for. His name is Caius. C’mon… you know you want it…»

You roll your eyes and you are about to say no, but then you see them. Marjorie succeeded in the begging, and now they are dancing and laughing about something. He is not a dancer for sure, but he is trying, and she looks like she’s having the time of her life, smiling so hard that her face will ache tomorrow. They whisper and talk and sometimes she gives him a kiss on the cheek, always a little closer to the mouth. 

They are objectively cute. Same age, same district, same passions and same history. Made to be together. 

You repress the urge to cry. 

«Okay.» You tell her, «Take me to Caius.»

Caius is a good looking man. He is thirty, a guard in District 13 (You wonder if there are other jobs in this bloody district), he has blonde hair and green eyes, he is fit and tall. Good looking indeed.

And he is utterly, majestically, completely boring.

He takes you to dance and his hands are too low on your back for their own good, while he has a smile on his face that you claim all your patience not to call “stupid”.

C’mon, you are being mean. You are being mean and he is surely a great guy.

«…And that is how I managed to become a guard. I’ve watched you in the games.» He begins, and you try not to tense. You never talk or think about the games, but during the night sometimes you scream until Effie wakes you up and then you cry into her arms. Saint Effie. «The way you killed that man? Clever.»

You force a smile at him. At least now he wants you to talk, after half an hour of monologue. «I wish I wouldn’t. I had to.» You remind him. It has not been exactly a choice. 

«Yeah, yeah, of course. Now you are safe.» 

«Thank you, by the way. Your district saved us.» Your bloody disgusting district who nearly killed your lover.

Ex lover.

«When we take the Capitol, everything will be like District 13.» You hope you die before it. 

«Although… There are things I miss. Like the sun. Or the clothes! Don’t you want your own clothes?» You try. You really miss the sun, you are used to take care of Haymitch’s garden at home, and grow your plants. You miss the damn geese. 

«What do you mean? You have clothes.» He is confused. It’s okay he is confused, he grew up in hell.

«These are not clothes, they are uniforms. Clothes are supposed to be different, to be yours. You can express yourself through your choice of clothing. Like, I used to braid daisies in my hair and embroider them in my dresses.»

«Why?» 

«Because… My name is Daisy.» You look at him and you decide that the talking part is done.

The kissing part is no better. You don’t have that much experience, but even his kisses are boring. There is too much tongue, his hands are exploring you like you are a new continent and yet you don’t feel anything.

Nothing. Dry like the desert. 

«You are beautiful.» He pants. That, you like. You don’t like so much he took you in a dark corner and started to kiss your neck, but then again… at least it’s not your mouth.

«Thanks.» You answer and you kiss him again, absolutely not because Haymitch is looking at you. 

«Can’t wait to be in my room.» He keeps going. He talks a lot. «The things I’ll do to you.» 

«Yeah? Like what?» You try, you really try. Your hand is on his firm chest and you lift up your leg a little against his pants, just to give him a peek of what it could be having you. 

«Well, like… well I’ll show you.» He blabbers and you reprime the urge to roll your eyes. 

«Of course you will.» You pat his chest in a very friendly way and straight up. «Excuse me, I have to go to the toilet.» 

«I’ll wait here!» He offers, but you shake your head.

«Don’t need to, I’ll find you!»

You won’t.

You run through the corridor and stay there. You are hiding like a coward, but it’s better to listen to him talking again and again and it’s surely better than watching the wonderful couple dancing together. Oh, and Holly was looking at you like you were a complete disappointment and you probably are and…

«There you are.» You suddenly feel a hug from behind and you are ready to tell Caius to go away, but it’s not his voice, it’s another. A voice that should be dancing with a new girlfriend.

«What are you doing here?» You ask harshly, but you relax in his embrace. 

«I’ve seen you storming out and I got worried.» He makes you turn around and his face darkens. «Why are you crying? Did he do something to you? I’ll-»

«No.» You put a hand on his chest to block him. You didn’t even realise you were crying. «He didn’t do anything. He is nice.» 

«You like him?» He asks, and his voice is more accusing than what he is right to be. 

«So what if I do?» You shoot back, but then you make a face. There’s no point in lying. «No, I don’t. I tried. He is fucking boring.»

«Sweetheart…» He cups your face with his callous hands. It’s funny, Caius is your age, he is better looking, he is fitter… and yet right now you would jump Haymitch’s bones just because he caressed your cheek. «That’s not how it’s supposed to be. You have to find someone you really like. Even if it takes longer.»

You really don’t want a lecture from him, just because he found his person, his “One”. He was your One. He has no right to tell you what to do.

«I just wanted to fuck.» You answer bluntly, or better yet, you lie. You had no intention of going into his room. «Do you have a problem with that too?»

«No.»

«Good. So don’t save me when I fall, don’t punch people because of me, don’t follow me in dark corners, don’t do anything! Don’t talk to me, don’t touch me because every time you do that I want you more!» You push him away, clearly hurt. He is taken by surprise. «So what if I want to fuck all the boys from District 13? I’ll do that and then I’ll fuck away the pain and it doesn’t matter if I’ll be-»

You can’t finish your sentence, because his lips are on yours in a crashing kiss. His arms are around your waist and his hands on your back and he almost crushes you, but you let him. In a moment you are against the wall, and you know you should stop but you won’t. 

«I can’t stop thinking about you.» He whispers against your lips. «I try and I end up following you like a fucking lovesick puppy.»

You can’t help but smile fondly. «Because I’m perfect.»

«Because you are perfect.» He agrees, even though it was a joke, and he lifts you up, his hands touch you in places that are his. There’s not even competition.

«I should let you go.» He murmurs, but this time you are ready, this time you kiss away his doubts. 

«Don’t let me go.» You whisper in his ear.

«I’m being selfish.» He protests, but your hands are already unbuttoning his shirt. «When I saw you with that man I-» He kisses you again, with rage, with jealousy, but when the clothes are on the floor and you two are one, there is no doubt who you belong to. 

taglist: @crimsonincursive

[kahlanmars]

BAD FEELING part. 17

HELLO.

This chapter is a little filler but I think it's cute how Haymitch and Daisy try so much to stay away from each other... failing every time. Also, I ship Hayffie and I wanted to give a happy ending to Effie here too.

MASTERLIST

17. Candles for the wedding

After a brief moment in which you wanted to go away and never turn back, or you wanted to knock Marjorie’s door and then let her see your rage, or simply to go to Haymitch and talk more to him, knowing he wasn’t going to kick you out of his bed, you make a decision. You are Daisy Pinecone from District 12, and you are not going down for a man. You won’t let a man ruin your good mood. Even if this man is the most wholesome you’ve ever met. Even if the only thing you want is to be in his arms. Even if none of this is right.

Because none of this is right. You know, hell you know Marjorie is not in the wrong. She spent all her life hiding from President Snow because of Haymitch, and now she wants to live with him like he promised her. But that promise was made at sixteen, they were children, that doesn’t count.

And yet, the timing is wrong. He waited for her, for her ghost, for twenty five years, and just when he tries to move on - with you, nonetheless - she reappears. It’s like fate, destiny or whatever is laughing on their face. 

You can’t avoid thinking bad things, like that she is not as beautiful as she was when she was twenty, but then again he is not either and this is a vile thought. You are better than that. Holly taught you better than that.

You go up, clean your face, even use a little of that eyeliner you and Effie stole, go to your class and you manage to keep your smile on and your chin up all the time. You have a great teacher for that. 

Then, you go to the class where you are Miss Pinecone and not just Daisy.

«When there's danger, you should always go to your parents. But if there’s a danger and you are at school, you could go under the tables for protection.» You say, trying to be cheerful. Today is the day they are going to rescue Portia, Annie, Cinna and the others, and of course Peeta. So Coin told you to give the kids a lecture about dangers. That doesn’t scare you at all.

«But, Miss Pinecone, what if I don’t find my mom?» A little boy, Alex, asks you. He is from the seam, and he is seven or eight, not more. He has tons of brothers, like four or five. He is adorable, very skilled in maths. 

«I think you could come to me.» You don’t think this through, but what can you say? If he doesn’t find his family you want him to come to you, a trusted person, instead of a stranger.

«Thank you, Miss Pinecone.»

You manage to keep the charade until dinner. It’s easier with the kids, the little ones always try to make you see that and tell you this, and the hours flow. The older ones are eager to learn.

But now that you are alone, you can’t help but be sad in the cafeteria, surrounded by your friends except for Effie, who waits for Portia, and Finnick, who waits for Annie. That gives your group freedom to talk.

«I can’t believe him. He left you!» Lora is shocked, her wide eyes bright open. «For an old woman!»

«Well she is not old, she’s 41.» You protest, but then you remember Lora is nineteen. Compared to her you are an older woman.

«You are not going to pout all the time, right?» Perla is more direct. You love her, but she reminds you of a younger Johanna Mason, a victor from years ago who is now part of the rebellion. Perla is kinder, but she doesn’t hold back answers. 

«I’m not pouting.» You protest.

«Yes you are. There are parties, you know? The guards invited us sometimes, we should go.» Yes, you are. You can’t help it. He is not even there at the moment, probably in a room with Katniss waiting for Peeta. Or he is with her. 

You can’t live thinking he is with her every moment. 

«There are more important things, right? I’m worried about Portia. I really care for her. And for Peeta. And Cinna.» You desperately don’t want to talk about it. They seem to understand that, because they take the bait to change the subject.

«Do you think Finnick and Annie will get married when she is rescued?» Lora asks. You have to admit Finnick Odair has been a crush in your teenage years, for all of you. Thinking of him as a married man, even now that he is real, is weird. But he and Annie are so cute, he always talks about her like she is the moon and he couldn’t live without her, he almost didn’t want to live anymore when he found out she had been captured. They had to give him a rope to make knots out of it, to calm him down, but a very, very small rope. 

«That’s what he promised.»

You are about to answer Perla when a voice comes from the other room.

«They are coming!»

You change looks, because you don’t know if you are allowed in the first room, but you want to hug Portia so you run. If you are not allowed, someone will stop you, but that doesn’t happen.

They don’t have a quarantine, you had it because your group was the first after a long time in District 13, but now they think you are safe. So everybody is free to hug everybody, and they are all crying. 

You come into the infirmary room and you see Finnick who’s holding Annie like she could disappear in a moment, and Effie in Portia’s arms. 

«Portia!» You run into her and you let her hug you tight. «You are here!»

She just nods. She is not her best self, but she was probably tortured (now that you think about it, you shouldn’t have run into her, maybe you scared her) but she is here now, she can get better. You’ve never seen her without her Capitol fuss. She doesn’t have her blonde wig, and her hair is shaved. She is thinner than before, and she has bags under her eyes. It’s clear something bad happened in the city. 

Katniss is there, she is holding Cinna, but she is not happy. Cinna is in the same situation as Portia and Annie, and Haymitch, close to her, seems pissed off.

«What happened?» You dare to ask, conscious he wouldn’t scream at you. 

«Joanna Mason, Mags and Peeta are still in the Capitol.» 

Fuck. 

The mission was for everybody, but mostly for Peeta. He is the other side of the Mockingjay, the unfortunate lover, the lover boy. People like him more than Katniss. He is useful for the revolution.

But most importantly, Katniss loves him. Maybe she doesn’t know it, maybe she also loves Gale, but the look in her eyes at this moment proves that. 

«Will they come back for them?» You whisper to your mentor, but you don’t want Katniss to hear that. He shrugs and he looks at you, he is furious.

«If I have a say in the matter, yes.» 

He goes out of the room, and you follow him in the corridor and stop him with a hand on his wrist. You have to be careful. He could have reacted in a very bad way, you don’t stop him like that, you know better. But he must have sensed you, because he doesn’t push you against the wall or strangle you like you are an enemy.

«I’m sorry.» You whisper again. 

Peeta is like a son to him. Everyone knows he and Katniss are really similar, they have the same mind, same origins, same attitude. But they care for Peeta. Peeta is cunning, smart, intelligent, but also kind, generous, and has a good heart. With the family he has - he had, you have to remember - Haymitch has become a father figure in the last year. He didn’t want to get attached, you are sure of it, but once again he failed in that.

He sighs. He is calculating, you see his brain fuming. You bet he is telling himself he can’t be vulnerable with you, not anymore. 

«Just a minute.» You help him, and you put your arms around his chest. He relaxes a little against your touch. 

«He is seventeen.» He reminds you. «Seventeen, and he is being tortured. They are torturing him. It is my fault.» His voice is strong and still, but you sense he is desperate.

«How is it your fault?» You lift your eyes up to watch him better. «It’s the war, Haymitch. You are doing your best to keep them alive.»

«’M doing a hell of a good job.» He is shaking now, of course he wants a drink to cope with his guilt. They are criminals, this is not a way to cure ad addiction, but maybe there’s a good side of that. Maybe he is rid of his addiction. 

«You are. Look at all this, it’s mostly thanks to you. And Cinna, and Plutarch, but the Mockingjay is here because of you. Katniss is safe because of you. And Peeta will be too.» You stroke his hair. «I am so, so sorry. But I didn’t give up on you. You are still their mentor. You saved them.»

You feel stupid, you can only say that you are sorry. A week ago you would have kissed away his doubts, but now it’s not yours to kiss. Now Marjorie can handle that, you don’t have any right. 

«Don’t be sorry.» He murmurs and instead of letting you go he tightens the grip. «Are you okay? Portia is back.»

«Yes.» You flash a smile to him, he loves Portia too. «I’m good, I was worried for her. Felt guilty too.»

«Look at us, covered in guilt.» He tries to laugh, to lighten the moment. «I must admit it looks better on you.»

You blush. You only want to kiss him, but he is not yours to kiss anymore. He is not yours anymore. «Everything looks better on me.»

«I really can’t argue with that.» His eyes are on your lips. 

At this point you are supposed to kiss, this is what you do, but you can’t right now, not after Marjorie. «You should go back. Katniss needs you.» 

«Yes. Katniss needs me.» He gives you a kiss on the cheek, his lips lingering a little too long on your face to be an incident. «Thank you, Sweetheart. I really needed that.»

«That’s what friends are for.»   

You stay in the corridor, alone, until he disappears. 

Turns out Finnick really asked Annie to marry him as soon as she was saved, and now you have a wedding to prepare. They are absolutely lovebirds, Finnick walks on air and he has a grin that never leaves him. Annie is haunted by the tortures and her past, but she is cooed by Effie and Portia, and she seems content most of the time, when she doesn’t cry for Mags. You never met Mags, but on television she looks like a grandmother, sweet and tender, and you know she raised Finnick and Annie. They decided not to wait for her, but they will have a traditional ceremony with her when she will be rescued.

You don’t know what the ceremony in District Four is about, but it must be their version of the Toasting. In your District the toasting is the real marriage ritual, when the bride and the groom make a fire together and toast a piece of bread. You really hope for them it’s not a toasting ceremony because you have heard his bread is made of seaweed and very, very salty.

The wedding preparation is actually very cute. You and Effie, with the help of Perla and Laura and other people from District 13, decorate the main room with flowers and ribbons, as well as nets and corals you manage to find in the library. It’s still grey, but a little less grey and it’s absolutely a win. 

«I’ll dress Annie, can you stay here?» Effie asks you, and you nod. You actually like to decorate. It takes your mind off of things. But what you really want is to put candles in the higher shelves of the main room, so when she walks through the room she will be followed by lights. 

You put the candles up with the help of a staircase. Then you just have to light them up. When you are about to reach the top, though, your feet slip and you go down. 

You survived the Hunger Games and a revolution just to hit your head and die trying to decorate a cafeteria.

«Dear heavens!» You think you’ll get hurt, badly, but you realise you didn’t touch the ground, someone saved you. 

And who could have been. Of course it’s him. How the fuck it’s him it’s a mystery. 

«Are you following me or something?» You sough, still shaken by the fall. You risked it. 

«Thanks, Haymitch, you catched me.» He mocks you with a grin that is not supposed to be here, since he saved you from death or at least a big injury. Again. 

«…Thanks. But were you following me?» You know you should go back to your own feet, but you are a weak girl and it’s comforting to be in his arms, bridal style. And you pretend to yourself you didn’t see Marjorie eyeing you from the other side of the room.

«A little. I was looking for you, I wanted to borrow you a book, and then I saw you lighting candles in the most dangerous position ever invented and… I know your level of balance. It’s none.» You scoff at the comment, but then you hear again the main word of the sentence: books. 

«A book? Yes!» You are too excited, it’s not proper. Not anymore. «I mean, that's thoughtful… thought?» A thoughtful thought. And you are a teacher. No wonder you didn’t have a licence before the war. 

«Yeah I mean, it’s mine and you didn’t steal it so maybe you won’t like it.»

«It happened once or twice…» You pout. Just because he loved to kiss away your pout and if you have to go down bad then he must too. But when his eyes linger too much you are the one who snaps him out of his misery. «So? The book?»

«The book, yes. It’s about a girl who goes to work for a guy as a maid and the guy has secrets in the attic. It’s ancient.» He quickly explains. 

«Is he a bit of a dick?» You challenge him.

«Kinda, yeah.»

«Some things never change…» You smile, proud of your little joke. «What’s the name of the book?»

«Jane Eyre.» 

«I studied that at school. I think I’ll like it, thanks.» Could you give him a little kiss on the cheek? Probably not. Especially when you are still in his arms, it’s not quite friends' behaviour. But you still do it because Inez - Marjorie - has not been right to you. «How come we are underground and you still smell like the woods?» You half murmur to yourself, but he smirks.

«It’s a talent. I'll give it to you at the wedding?»

«I can't, they allow us to have actual dresses at the wedding!» You can't conceal your excitement. You really want to take off the grey jumpsuit. You don’t have a dress, but you eyed some curtains that nobody will miss. 

«Tomorrow then.» He offers.

«Tomorrow it is. Haymitch, can you… let me go?» You are sure you are starting to make a scene, wrapped in a hug in the middle of the cafeteria after the big scandal and the “break up”. 

«Yeah, of course.» He lets you go and you practically disappear in front of him not to deal with the consequences of your thoughts. He does the same. It would be comical if you didn’t have your heart broken.

You go to your room to sew the dress for the wedding, and you open the door without any thinking, just to be welcomed with a gasp.

Effie Trinket and Portia… you don’t know Portia’s surname, all you know is that they are wrapped in a hug and they are kissing. Effie is kissing Portia. Portia is kissing Effie. None of it makes sense.

Effie is the one who was upset finding out about you and Dianna. She was shocked, like she never occurred a girl could love another girl. You know in the Capitol they didn’t discuss these sort of things, like in the District. 

On the other hand, if someone deserves love is Effie Trinket. She hates District Thirteen, everybody here is stupid and hates her, so she needs allies. Friends. Lovers. Everything she wants. She’s one of the kindest people alive. You really love her.  

«I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!» You yell and you close the door behind you, just to re-open it slower. You don’t know what to do, you can’t go in and you can’t go out. «Do you want me to leave?» You ask. 

«Stay, darling girl.» Effie speaks after a while. Her voice is filled with awkwardness, and you want to tell her that everything is fine but you don’t know how to do it without worsening the situation. «Well…»

You enter. They are on Effie’s bed, and they look like teenagers caught in the moment. They are so cute.

«You two are in love?» You ask, trying to contain your excitement. You know you are being improper and you are probably embarrassing them, but you are so happy for them, so happy for Effie. Oh dear heaven, what if it was just an experiment? What if Effie is in love and Portia is not? You didn’t think before talking.

«No, I mean… it was kinda the first time, so…» They share a look. Maybe they are not in love yet, but they have chemistry.

«So I blocked it? I’m so sorry! I’ll go!» 

«No! I think we could go to…» Portia dismisses it. She talks slower than before the revolution, and she always seems a little puzzled, but she is better now and you think she’s improving.

«To my room! I think we can go to my room.» She finishes it.

«No, I’ll go!» You protest, but Effie pinches your shoulder.

«No, please. Let us go.»

«…Ok.» You surrender. 

You go back to your sewing, wondering what the hell just happened.

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[kahlanmars]

PAPER RINGS part. 6

So... this chapter. It has been SO HARD TO WRITE, MY POOR DAISY!!

MASTERLIST

6. Shut up

THREE MONTHS BEFORE CAPITOL

«I just don’t know why we have to do this.» Haymitch grunts, clearly not happy with you outside.

You on the other hand are ecstatic. You can’t deal with your house anymore, you are going to be sick if you have to stay in bed for another hour. Well, you are still sick, so you are going to be sicker.

«Because I need fresh air, darling. You can stay home if you like.» You answer truly. 

He is not delighted with fresh air, and even less if he has to see people. After the revolution he doesn’t meet people for pleasure, only you, Katniss and Peeta. He has always been a misanthrope, but the New Panem brought up a worse version of this. You don’t mind, you like your eremite. 

Plus you suspect your first coming out as a couple will bring issues. People know you are a couple, and he is easy on the concept when he is around your friends, but with strangers it’s a different, harder story. Instinct tells him to keep you hidden, because if they know he loves you they will hurt you, no matter who “they” are.

«I’m not leaving you alone.» He mutters, not happy. You try to cheer him up with a kiss on the cheek.

«My knight in shining armor.» You tease him, and he pulls you in for a harder kiss. The road is clear and nobody could watch you, so you can take your time. He has his gray vest on with a black shirt underneath and he is looking good enough to eat. You wear a purple dress and you have flowers in your hair, and you must say you look very pretty.

At that moment, two peacekeepers walk towards you and start to laugh at you. It’s not the most pleasant sensation in the world, but you are used to it. Peacekeepers used to be kinder and gentler, but now they are from Thirteen mostly, angry at you for killing President Coin, or from district Two, angry at you for killing President Snow. 

You are not even sure why the peacekeepers still exist, maybe because Two would be useless without them or maybe because they keep things in order, but some things changed. They don’t punish you with a whip anymore. 

Peacekeepers used to treat you well, but now they murmur “Victor’s slut” on a daily basis. You grit your teeth, think intensely that you can’t kill anyone anymore, and you walk straight with your chin up, so up that Effie could be proud. 

This is the first time they say something like that in front of Haymith. Haymitch usually has their respect, because he won the Hunger Games, he is a real victor, not just a tribute. 

He snaps in the blink of an eye and you can take his arm just because you have very good reflexes. 

«No, my love.» You warn him. You don’t want him to be in trouble with justice and you don’t want him to start a brawl. He is not twenty anymore, and they are. He is fit and he is exercising with Peeta, but he can’t compete.

«They insulted you.» He protests. Oh, the pride. He is so proud and he can’t shut up. Lucky for him, you spent all your life shutting up. 

«They are Peacekeepers.» You remind him. You suddenly remember the time he jumped between Katniss and a peacekeeper, before your games. «You don’t mess with Peacekeepers.»

You used to work for him at the time, and you got impressed by his courage. He was ready to get himself with a bullet on the head to protect his almost daughter. You remember even after that, at home, when he yelled at anybody - at you, who were cooking for him - that Katniss was a *stupid girl* and he had no intentions to save her life again. 

«Panem is not like before, we can.» 

You shake your head and give him a kiss to distract his rage a little. «Do me a favor and don’t. I like your face. I don’t want it ruined.» You cup his cheek to watch him better.

«But Daisy…» He averts your sight.

«Please? For me.» You give your best impression of puppy eyes, and it’s a low blow because you know he is not immune at all, so he sighs.

«For you, Sweetheart, but it’s not the right thing.»

PRESENT DAY, CAPITOL CITY

Note to yourself: bribing someone is the solution. After only two days Effie has a meeting for a place in a bank, and although it’s not exactly what she wants to do, she is great at giving orders and she is so meticulous and precise she will be perfect for the role.

She is on cloud nine and she spends hours in front of the mirror to achieve the faultless outfit. Playing dolls is a good distraction, so you help her willfully. Better than staring at the phone.

Because he didn’t call. And if you think about it you will think he is now with Marjorie, and they are playing family or worse, they are in bed, and they are moaning and giggling and screaming and then they will chat and laugh. You want to puke. You want to puke all the time you picture him with her.

And you miss him, you miss him so much but at the same time you are ashamed. You screamed in the middle of the road in the victor’s village, and you slapped him. He kissed Marjorie, yes, but if he could just talk to you… but he can’t, he won’t, maybe because he doesn’t care about you enough.

«I can’t wait to sew outfits for you.» You tell her as you adjust her gray blouse and then you put your chin on her shoulder, hugging her from behind. «But, gray? Really?»

«It’s professional.» She counters. It’s not that she looks bad, you don’t think it’s possible she looks bad, but she is not herself. You are used to her colorful dresses, crazy patterns and lines, so gray on her it’s weird, like you are in District Thirteen again.

«It’s boring.» You deadpan. «They know who you are, you use your name.»

«Maybe they didn’t realize it.» She whispers. She is scared, you realize, so you smack a kiss on her cheek. You wish you could tell her that Finnick basically threatened them and they will hire her, but you can’t. The whole plan is to make her regain trust in herself. 

«Can you at least try a white one? White is classy and it will look great on you.» 

She quickly changes the shirt and the effect is so much better. Sometimes you think you are good at what you do. If you could just have time for some embroideries… She really needs color. She is color. 

You are too busy staring at her that you don’t realize Finnick comes into the room. He smells like the ocean, you don’t know how this is possible since he is not in District Four, but it feels like he belongs there. You wonder if you still smell like the trees and the woods. Haymitch smells like the woods– stop it.

«My beautiful ladies.» Finnick gives a kiss on the cheek to you and Effie. It’s good to have him in the house, he is always laughing about something and generally in a good mood. Fatherhood looks good on him, he finally has what he always wanted, a family with Annie and a beautiful little boy. «So it’s today?» 

«Yes.» Like he needs confirmation. He arranged the meeting. He still has his secrets, and you know you asked him a lot to follow the past paths, but it’s for Effie.

«She is so scared as she’s not the most flawless person in the world and they have to give her the job!» You try to reassure her. 

Yes. You are technically lying to her, but who cares? Not you. At the end of the line she will be happy and she will be perfect for the job, so one one will complain. It’s a flawless plan, you and Finnick are masterminds.

«They better do. And after that we can celebrate.» He adds. You snort, not very ladylike, and you gain a glare from the blonde woman in front of you. You don’t want to celebrate, you don’t like discotheques and you just want to crawl under the bed and cry. 

«Oh, a celebration!» Effie says in delight at the same time, «What a wonderful idea.» 

«Guys, I’m not really in the mood.» You warn them. You would spoil the mood to everybody, and they need to have fun, especially if they want to call Perla and Lora too. You are a little worried for Lora, she can’t find a job either and Perla told you she goes partying every night in hope of meeting someone. 

She will be part two of the plan.

«But you can’t! We have to celebrate.» Effie shakes your arm and you enjoy the contact, but not the message. She is eager to spend time with Portia, you think. Portia uses the nights in the clubs to have new clients and collaboration with models, so she will come. She will want you to come too.

«You have to celebrate Effie, that is what a good friend does. Plus, what do you want to do instead? Staring at the phone without calling anyone?» Rude Finnick. Bloody traitor. He knows how bad I am right now.

«Yes.» You pout. Pouting is usually effective, especially with Haymitch. He would want to kiss your pout and sometimes you think he enjoys being the one who can make it go away. Enjoyed.

«No. You will come with us.» Effie decides, and what Effie wants Effie gets.

You wonder how she feels with this power.

The morning at the office is so tiring you black out for a second or two. You pretend to massage your temples and you close your eyes. You woke up very early to help Effie with her makeup and outfit, then you made her lunch - since you’ll be in the office with Portia, you prepared a snack for Portia’s too since she forgets to eat, and now you are working until five p.m.. 

But you found out you are good. You still feel guilty saying it out loud - mama raised you this way and you can’t undo what is done - but you are good. You love fashion, you even love to be in the industry even if it’s hard and you are learning a lot from your boss. 

«Portia Yves’ office?» A voice asks, and you recognise it’s your mother. Holly doesn’t use the phone, she doesn’t trust it and she prefers the letters. Very romantic, not very pragmatic. 

«Mom?» You ask, in disbelief.

«Oh, Daisy, hi. I wasn’t sure if it worked. The lovely youngest Mellark helped me, but you know your mom.»

The youngest Mellark. Peeta. Peeta helped her.   

«Is this an emergency? Are you sick?» You hurry now. She doesn’t like modern technology, once you suggested buying a computer and she lectured for hours on the risks of these devious devices, so if she calls it must be an emergency.

«Pardon me? No, Daisy, I’m not sick. I just wanted to know if you were okay.» You are still not convinced. Holly is a woman who never says she is sick. It’s frustrating, because if you don’t get it by yourself you will never know and so you will worry about every tiny simptom she might have. It would be so easy to just tell you, but in her mind she is the mother and she doesn’t have to complain, and she has to be the strongest in the family. You get that, she grew up with you, she was nineteen and every bit of weakness could have been used against her, but it’s still frustrating.

«I’m okay if you are okay.» 

«Yes dear, I’m fine. A bit worried about you.» About you. You should have thought that fleeing from your district could have worried your mother. You weren’t exactly lucid.

«No need to be worried.» You try to smile through the phone. You are not used to it yet yourself, sometimes it’s an amazing concept that someone can hear you but they can’t see you, it’s surreal. It’s not a new invention, but nobody has a phone in Twelve, just Haymitch and he doesn’t use it.

Clearly.

«You run away from the District and all your stuff is here…» Yes, your stuff. You didn’t want to think about it because part of you thought it was a temporary thing, but he didn’t run to you with roses and apologies so you have to address the fact that you have two dresses and all your stuff is not in the Capitol.

«Yes. In his house.» 

«He is not in great shape.» She surprises you. You don’t want to know how she knows it, because the only person that can tell her is Marjorie. 

The image of Haymitch in his room surrounded by bottles hits you like a punch. You don’t want him to throw away all the things he fought for. He became such a good father for Katniss and Peeta. And Ivy, apparently.

«Is he drinking again?» You ask her with urges in your voice. The tremblings and shakings are bad, but you don’t honestly think he could survive another round of hallucinations and fever. He is not that strong. His mind is, but his body suffered from thirty years of addiction, poor alimentation and you don’t think he had a medical record until two years ago. 

«No, I don’t think so, but it’s impossible to speak to him. Only Katniss can and let me tell you, the way he threatens this girl...» Katniss. A selfish thought tells you that now she hates you, because you hurt her dad. No, the girl probably didn’t even realize it, she is not so bright for these things and she doesn’t care. She has Peeta now. 

«He would never hurt her.» You warn your mother. Haymitch has many flaws, but he is not violent. You can’t even picture him doing something like that, let alone a reality. No, he is her rock, the one who never goes away. They just have a weird relationship of love and hate, you think he doesn’t like her, not really, not like he likes Peeta, but they have a connection. They are very similar, from the Seam, same attitude, same history, and they get each other all the time. But they bicker and yell. He loves Katniss, but likes Peeta more. Peeta on the other hand is a mama boy, he is always on the phone with Effie and he talks with her about everything, he is glad to hear her blabbering about shoes and dresses, they gossip together about people he doesn’t even know. You suppose he misses his family, even if they were horrible people who treated him badly.

«Of course not.»

You scoff, a little reassured. If he is not in bad shape you can hate him. «I’m sorry about him but he doesn't want to marry me. He didn’t look for me even once, so it must not be that important for him.» 

He didn’t choose one thing for the wedding. You had to go through the tables alone, you chose the dress, you sewed yours and his, you chose the menu and you even asked Peeta for a cake. Everytime he just said something like “Is that really necessary?” and yes, it was really necessary. Even Finnick and Annie had a nice wedding during the war in District Thirteen, you don’t get why you just have to do a toasting alone in your house. His house.

«I don’t know, Daisy. But I know the way he looks at you. The gestures he has towards you.»

«The gestures?»

«He shields you, like he always has to protect you. A bit exaggerated if you want my opinion but it sure proves how he feels about you.» You try to remember. It’s true he is always by your side when you are out, even for little things like the grocery shop. One day the guards were particularly funny. He was raging. And the little things too, how he always makes sure you have eaten enough, you have the toast with more jam or the longer side of the blanket. He likes to take care of you.

«Maybe he does it with Marjorie too…» You look down, finding a sudden interest in the pavement.

«No, he doesn’t.» She denies it.

«Maybe it’s because I’m his last tribute.»

«Listen, I’m not his biggest fan and you know it. He is bossy, grumpy, and he is a difficult man. I don’t like him at all. But the two of you found something, and I’m worried you are letting him go without a fight.»

Without a fight. But you are so ashamed of your last fight, and if they talked before you, maybe it’s too late now.

«He kissed another woman and he said the house was just his. He is the one who has to apologize.» You add, stubbornly. 

«You know who you love. I’m just saying that if it becomes bigger and bigger it’s harder to fix it.»

You are about to answer her, but your boss comes with an empty cup of coffee in her hand and an annoyed look on her face.

«Daisy?» Portia asks.

«I have to go, mama.» You are not even that sure you could have private phone calls in the office.

«Just think about it.» She whispers.

As you are not thinking about him, twenty four seven.

Effie comes home so happy she walks on clouds, and she declares you have to party all together. She calls Portia and Cinna, and Perla and Lora, and of course Finnick, who looks too smug you have to remind him that yours was a secret plan. 

You want to stay home, but Effie forces you in a sparkling white mini dress and orders you to go with her, and when Effie Trinket says “Jump” you only ask “How high?”.

You need to apply a generous amount of makeup to feel decent, you look like a zombie. You are severely sleep deprived and you are eager to come back and tuck yourself under the sheets. 

The whole squad is beautiful, but Finnick is so handsome he blinds all of you. You forgot how gorgeous he could be when he wants to, and now he wants to. You suspect it’s the first time he goes to a club because he wants to have fun with his friends and not because Snow sent him to please a client. So you have to protect this fun for him.

«Do you remember Lavinia?» Lora asks when she joins you, a girl behind her.

You remember Lavinia, the girl with blonde hair and green eyes, too pretty to be true, very Capitol style, wrapped in a pair of tight jeans and a green top. She is taller than life, she has legs for days, a true model. Well, it’s literally her job to be lovely so you try not to be envious or jealous of her.

«Yes.» You answer, before hugging Lora. You don’t know what to do with Lavinia so you smile at her, but she looks at you with a question on her face. How is it possible she doesn’t recognise me? You two met before. Well, maybe you are not memorable, or maybe she was drunk, you try to rationalize. 

«And you are?» She asks, and the first urge is to say “That bitch”, but Lora likes her. Perhaps you are wrong, it’s rare but it’s a possibility. Maybe the off vibes she gives you is just an anti-Capitol thought you have because of Haymitch. She is a snob and she looks shallow, but maybe it’s just prejudice.

«Daisy Pinecone.» You remind her. You are not famous. Well… you are quite famous. You’ve been in the Hunger Games and then you became a part of the revolution, so it’s almost impossible she didn’t get who you are, but then again you are quite obsessed with yourself, not everyone is.

«Oh, the tribute.» Now she smiles at you. «Let’s have a drink.»

You have several drinks, one to celebrate Effie’s new job, one to celebrate your birthday (which is not now, but soon), one just because a guy bought you. The room starts spinning a little.

You start to dance, the only thing you actually like, but soon you start to be too tired to keep up with the others and you sit down. The only thing you really want is to dance with Haymitch. He is quite good when he wants to, and he would start to get handsy and…

«Can you come with me to the bathroom?» Perla asks you, and you get dragged without saying “Yes”. Perla is in a girl's world right now, and in a girl's world the toilet is a safe place to talk.

«I don’t like her.» She snaps. You don’t need to know who she is talking about, you know it’s Lavinia. She starts reapplying her red lipstick, and now that she doesn’t have to put up a charade, you can see disgust in her eyes. Perla is always very stoic in her critiques, and she thinks she is right. To be fair she usually is.

«She is very… well she is a snob, but maybe it’s an “Effie” type of snob.» You play the devil’s advocate. You trust Perla and you trust your guts, but Lora seems happy for the first time in weeks. 

«She is a mean girl Daisy. How can you not see it?» 

«She is… very close to Lora.»

«She is playing Lora, that’s different. She mocks her all the time for being district.» You didn’t notice it, but then again you didn’t pay enough attention and you feel like a shitty friend. You were so focused on your pain that you forgot Lora. She is so little, so young and she needed someone in the great big city, and you didn’t become that someone. And now she found Lavinia, and you can’t blame her for this.

«Perla… Lora is our best friend and could that only mean that if you are a little jealous, well I think it’s normal.» 

You see her face becoming more and more red by the second and you instantly know you said a bad thing.

«What the hell are you talking about?» She growls. 

«It’s totally normal!» You try to defend yourself. You don’t like that sight in her eyes, you are not used to it. You two are usually allies, you bicker and you sometimes have discussions but you never had a fight.

«I’m not… I’m not jealous, we are not twelve. That girl is trouble.»

«She is just a girl like us, she is just from the Capitol. Lora likes her.» From what you’ve heard she is a model and Lora tried once or twice to get into an agency - you have to remember to ask Finnick if he knows someone.

«I still don’t trust her.» Perla is stubborn like a mule sometimes.

«Lora is fragile right now, she feels like a bother and-»

«She feels like a bother?»

Ops. And you need to shut your mouth when necessary. She didn’t exactly tell you it was a secret, but you don’t have to be a genius to get it, Lora confessed it to you because she trusted you.

«She doesn’t want to impose on you and Cinna.» You blurt out. It’s not right, but maybe they can talk and Lora can relax a little. 

«But… We are happy to have her home.» Perla whispers, and you can feel the guilt in her voice. 

«Well, tell her.» You propose.

Wrong, wrong thing. Very wrong thing. 

Five minutes or less - just enough time to feel a bit of nausea because of the alcohol, that Lora comes near to you, an angry expression on her face. 

You saw Perla angry, just not at you, but it’s so rare seeing Lora upset that you are shocked for a moment.

«What did you say to Perla?» She asks you and you are ashamed but your first thought is that you are too tired to face another discussion. You put your hands on your hair, tears in your eyes.

«I beg your pardon?»

«You said to her what I told you last week? About the house?» Her voice is filled with regret and rage, so much you can hear it in a club, with loud music all around you.

«I… yes, but…» You blabber. She is right and you are wrong, it’s easy and you can’t defend yourself.

«”But” nothing! You knew it was a secret!» You know, but… but… you are not sure you can think properly anymore.

«Lora, I just wanted to help.» You whisper, defeated.

«Well don’t! I don’t want your help. I don’t need your help.»

«Well now you know you are not a burden!»

«You don’t understand, I don’t need your help. You are not in the position to help me.» That hurts. She said it to hurt you and she succeeded. 

«Uhm, excuse me?»

«You are hosted just like me. Your whole world is collapsing and you don’t even help me for me! You are doing it to distract yourself!»

Your world is not collapsing at all. You are working, for the first time in your life you are working for something and you have food on your plate every day, Haymitch is not your whole world.

And you are not doing this to distract yourself, you love Lora, you…

«That is not true, I-»

You are trying to answer to Lora when Effie marches towards you and she doesn’t look pleased, phone in her hand.

«You bribed someone to buy me a job?»

The music is so loud and you can’t do anything but try to reach her hand, but she takes a step back in her high heels.

«Effie…»

«You did?» She insists. 

«I wanted you to be happy.» Please, please believe me.

«Not good, Daisy, not good! How the hell did you think it was a good idea?» She is raging and you can’t bear it. Not Effie. You can deal with everyone, but not without Effie on your side. She is like your sister.

«But you were miserable all the time and I thought-»

She interrupts you. «You thought bad, I could have done it without you. I don’t trust you anymore.» 

She doesn’t trust you. You don’t have her trust anymore.

«But I did it for you.» You have a small voice now, you are not even sure she heard you. 

«I’m sorry, I recognize you did it in good faith but I can’t trust you anymore.»

I can’t trust you anymore. You have lost Haymitch, you have lost Effie, you don’t have anyone anymore. Not even Lora and Perla. 

You are alone.

And you deserve it. Murderer.

«Effie…»

She goes away, and you stay here, frozen, until Finnick pats your shoulder and you start crying against his chest.

[moonslesbology]

The Lucky One II

previous chapter - next chapter

ELEANOR EVES COULD LAY BESIDES FINNICK ODAIR, WATCHING THE SAME SUNSET OVER AND OVER AGAIN, AND NEVER GET BORED. It sounded odd to say, wanting the same moment to repeat over and over again, but it felt right to her. There was nothing more peaceful than the serenity on Finnick's tanned face, kissed by the sun's grace , his sea green eyes drawn to the sky as he simply stared. He had not had a moment of peace like this in a while, too caught up in the terrors of nightmares and memories to truly enjoy a moment wholeheartedly. Yet, here he was, bathing in the sun's glory, genuinely happy.

Laos Bay had the most beautiful sights in the District, Eleanor was convinced.

It had been Annie's suggestion, a statement she made the moment the pair found her down The Quay, helping her brother cut the heads off some fish their father had caught. Annie Cresta was one of the few people Eleanor knew that genuinely did not mind getting dirty down the docks, revelling in the gruesome nature of fishing. It was quite easy to spot the girl though (something Finnick actively disagreed with). The red haired girl was in plain sight, immediately noticed by Eleanor who cheered when she saw Annie. Turns out, Finnick was just really blind and did not notice the Cresta family's red hair in the sea of sun bleached hair. After much begging from Annie, Mr Cresta, albeit reluctantly, allowed for the trio to huddle away to go to the rock pools. He simply reminded Annie that she needed to be back before six, so she can help unload the fish being sent off to the Capitol.

The trio ultimately decided Laos Bay was the best place to go and muck about, especially because of the rock pools Annie desperately wanted to find shells in.

While Annie scoured the rock pools eagerly, Eleanor and Finnick decided to lay besides each other and watch the clouds. It did not matter that their scalps would be aching of sand, all that mattered for them was the pure peace of this moment. Finnick was a lot quieter, simply listening to Eleanor's nonsensical rambling. It was something that often occurred, Eleanor ranting her soul out and Finnick holding her soul delicately in his grasp. Eleanor was busy pointing out all the drawings she could create from the sky, Finnick simply listening. She would ramble her heart off to him for the rest of her life if she could.

Eleanor hoped that she could do that forever.

It was obvious that the anxiety of the Reaping was getting to them. The fateful day, July 4th, was just a week away and the entire district was preparing. People in the Trawler began hanging banners up and shop windows became pre-occupied with signs highlighting Reaping Day specials. St Magdalene Rossetti was also preparing to shut the blinds for a while, until the Reaping ceremony had passed. Majority of the staff were safe from the Reaping, though many had children who were still eligible. Eleanor had already put herself forward to take the later shift that day, practically going straight into work right after the Reaping ceremony passed.

Annie's name was in the Reaping bowl a total of seventeen times, fourteen of those slips of paper being directly from tesserae. Eleanor was only in the bowl four times due to her fortune as a girl from The Trawler, especially one who worked at St Magdalene Rossetti. Her family had never fallen on hard times and when they had, there was always someone who was willing to help them get by.

But, Eleanor also knew that the anxiety of mentoring was far worse for Finnick. As the newest victor, he had a duty to uphold for the tributes, training them and then watching their days in the arena. He had completely broken down after last year's game; two kids, both seventeen, had refused to listen to any advice Finnick could offer them, and were betrayed by the Career Pack the moment the number of tributes dropped to eight. He had nightmares for weeks after he came home, often ending up at Eleanor's in a sobbing mess.

Eleanor dreaded seeing him in such a state again.

"So, do you see the dog now?" Eleanor asked, after explaining why the cloud he pointed out were not just clouds and were so much more. It was easy to forget that not everyone saw the same thing as you did.

"No." Finnick laughed, jumping slightly when she grabbed his hand, delicately pointing his pointer finger to the sky. She could feel him relax ever so slightly, her touch warm and gentle. "Oh, that looks more like a cabbage than a dog."

"A cabbage?" Eleanor sat up quickly, Finnick copying her motion and laughing. Of course Finnick Odair lacked the creativity to see sights in the clouds. He was one of the few literal minded people Eleanor could tolerate, his literal minded state being the only thing that held Eleanor back from floating away. Eleanor pouted at him, crossing her arms with a judging glance. "Am I the only one blessed with imagination?"

Finnick gestured to where Annie Cresta was in response, busy with a bucket as she grabbed onto any shells she could find. Of course, Eleanor was not the only imaginative person out of the trio, Annie was just as imaginative and had a level of practicalness that Finnick had. She was the perfect mix of the two in that sense. The pair watched as Annie cheered, holding up another auger shell Eleanor knew she would be giving to her younger sister. Annie had way too much energy to truly stay still, bouncing around on the rock pools happily. Eleanor was tempted to join the red haired girl, although the peaceful look on Finnick's face was too beautiful to miss.

"I wish moments like these lasted forever." Eleanor mumbled, leaning down ever so slightly to rest her head on Finnick's shoulder, hands already finding each others as though they were infinitely connected by magnets. "Sometimes, it's easy to forget society exists outside of this little bubble."

Finnick watched her with a curious glance. Before he could say anything, a shriek echoed.

"ELE COME HERE!" It was Annie. Of course it was Annie. "I FINALLY FOUND A SHELL FOR YOU!" Eleanor perked up as she saw Annie bouncing up and down, holding something in her hand. If there was anything you needed to know about Annie Cresta, it was that she adored shells more than life itself. Her entire bedroom was decorated with the shells she had found, she had painted tapestries of shells she imagined in her daydreams, and her love language was finding shells that matched each person she ever met.

Eleanor let out a loud laugh, getting up off the sand, quickly dusting her skirt off, and then eagerly running to where Annie was. She turned her head back, seeing Finnick still looking at the sky with a confused face.

She shook her head at him, finally walking on the side of the rocks carefully. The moment she got close to Annie, the red head thrusted a cockle at her. The cockle itself was as ordinary as it could be - pure white with a faint line of orange.Eleanor rubbed her thumb over the smooth edges of the shell, delicate as she held it. A smile, as wide as it could possibly be, was making its way on her face as she listened to Annie's unapologetic rambling about how pretty the cockle was. Annie rambled about how odd it was for cockles to be this white and Eleanor simply listened.

Annie simply grinned. "Oh my god, I know what I'm going to do!" She laughed, taking the cockle and pocketing it. Though, the moment she turned to explain the idea to Eleanor, the girl was busy holding a hermit crab in her hands with a grin. Eleanor was entirely focused on the small creature, gently holding them.

"Awe, look!" She held her cupped hands up towards Annie, who simply smiled at her, eyes wide with adoration as Eleanor cooed at the hermit crab. Eleanor didn't notice Annie's smile drop ever so slightly when she called over to Finnick, laughing freely the moment he yelped at the crab.

[kahlanmars]

BAD FEELING part. 24

Hii! I'm back with a drugged Daisy and almost a L word!

MASTERLIST

taglist: @crimsonincursive

24. Aurelius

You are dragged by two guards in the tunnels again, but this time you are handcuffed and you silently pray that nothing attacks you, because you wouldn’t live. You don’t know if the lizards tried or not, because they blindfold you and you are in the dark during the walk. You don’t hear anything though, at some point you think maybe the mutts are made for Katniss, they know her scent or something like that.

You are terrified. Not only because they want to take you to prison - hell, you kind of deserve to be in prison - but because nobody knows where you are. They could make you disappear in the blink of an eye, maybe even toss you in the tunnels and let you die here.

You are not welcome in Thirteen. You weren’t before and now you are a murderer.

The bracelet you have in your wrist, the one that miraculously they didn’t take off, is now the only thing that can let you hope. If he really puts something in that jewel, like a chip or a locator or a technological thing you don’t know, he can locate where you are. 

And then?, a voice tells you. What could he do? There are guards at every door, it’s not like he could storm in and rescue you.

«President Coin’s orders are to keep you safe for now.» They tell me, «But you are going to be in court. For a trial. Do you know for what reason?» He wants you to answer his question, but you suppose it’s better not to talk. 

Everything you say can be used against you.

The guards grab you from the arms and they lift you up to place you somewhere like you don’t weigh a thing, so easily.

They inject you with something. You try to scream and shout but they easily immobilise you and use a syringe, you feel it against your skin. 

«Orders from Coin.»

They explain. If they care enough to explain, it must not be that bad. Or maybe this particular guard is nice.

You don’t feel anything after the injection.

«What have you done to me?» You ask, but you don’t have any answer.

They bring you somewhere and they close the door. Your hands and feet are cuffed, and you start to feel a headache coming through the back of your head. 

You brought this to yourself, you know that. But now it’s not the time to sulk and cry, especially for someone like Caius. Now it’s time to think. What can you do to survive in this situation? You can press the bracelet, if there’s a button somewhere. You have to remember where you are, but it’s difficult because there is no particular smell and you can’t touch anything with your hands tied.

You could scream, but you think that there are still guards in the room and frankly you don’t feel like screaming right now, you don’t think you have the necessary strength. Must be the injection.

You remember that in the District your mother used to give her patients drugs when the childbirth was very difficult. It never ended well, it was the last chance. 

«So, now you have to tell me everything you did.» The guard takes out the blindfold and now you can see him. He seems nice, he has dark hair and blue eyes and he is a good looking man, in his thirties. Maybe he knew Caius, maybe he hates you for what you have done to his friend.

You are in a box, maybe a large car, or a camion. You are sure you are underground or in a hovercraft. 

«I don’t know what happened, it was a blur.» You tell him, and it’s partly true. As much as you remember you killed the blonde haired man, how it happened it’s a little blurry now and you can’t think straight.

«I think you know what happened.» He really seems nice. Maybe you should tell him what you know, his eyes look sincere enough and your head is so confused.

«I really don’t know what happened. It has been a blur, all the time…» You search for his eyes, but they are darker now and he takes you by an arm to guide you through an empty grey room. 

«Now you will stay here until you tell us everything you know, you got it?» 

You want to nod, but your head is heavy. «I don’t feel so well… May I have some water?»

«Tell us what happened and I’ll give you water.» That sounds tempting.

«You have no right to talk to her before a Doctor sees her.» Haymitch breaks in the room and you wouldn’t have looked more relieved than that. He picks you up, looking at the guards with a wary looks that almost challenges him to tell something. 

«I’m here now, Sweetheart.» He kisses your hair. 

«Can I have some water?» You repeat, closing your eyes.

«We’ll ask Doctor Aurelius.»

You bury your face in his shirt, hiding from the world.

When Doctor Aurelius comes into the room you are not sure you want to tell him something. It turns out she’s a woman, “Aurelius” must be the surname. A good looking woman with a sweet smile and reassuring eyes, her black skin is flawless to be a person who never saw the sun. She looks nice, you have to admit that. 

You still don’t trust her. You know she is Peeta’s and Katniss’s doctor, but she is still a District Thirteen citizen and under Coin’s orders.

«Can you go somewhere else, Haymitch?» She asks your lover. 

You don’t want it. You want to stay with Haymitch, and you claw your hands in his shirt, you watch his blue eyes with a silent prey. You let out a little “no”, and for the first time you are really desperate to lose him. 

«I have to go, I’ll come back.» He kisses you. 

«No…» You repeat, briefly, but you watch him leave. 

«Daisy, come here.» 

Her voice is soothing, calming. You start to relax a little.

«Can you tell me what happened?»

You don’t know why you are not supposed to tell her anything. You know there’s a reason, but you don’t remember it anymore. Everything is blurry.

Sensing your silence, Aurelius presses you. «Daisy?»

«I don’t feel well.» You explain. Suddenly the ticking of the clock is too loud and heavy for your poor ears. 

Tik, tak, tik, tak… 

«Here is your water. Do you remember your name?» She hands you a full glass, and you are a little discouraged to drink it because you suspect they put another drug on it, but you are too thirsty to hold on for long.

«My name is Daisy Pinecone.» You answer diligently to her. She smiles, so you think this is the right answer. If only the head could stop spinning.

«Do you remember who you are?»

«I’m a girl from District Twelve. I was reaped for the 75th edition of the Hunger Games. It was a Quarter Quell.» 

«Have you won it?» Have you? No, you remember it. You are here, you survived but to survive the games is not the same as winning them. Haymitch, Katniss and Peeta are victors, you are just a survivor. 

«No. Finnick and Haymitch saved us first.»

«Saved who first?» She seeks for an answer, you don’t know if it’s because she doesn’t know you or because she wants you to talk.

«Me, Perla and Lora.» Perla and Lora are still on the mission. Finnick is safe, but they are still in danger. You failed them. You have to go back and help them, you…

«Calm down, you are safe. Do you remember where you are?» She rushes to you in a hurry before she realises everything is okay and you just want to go out. You can’t, you forgot for a moment.

She sits on her chair again and waits for your words.

«I’m in District Thirteen.»

«Do you remember where you were yesterday?»

«In the Capitol. Capitol City.» The tunnels, the lizards, the Star Squad. A mission, a mission you clearly weren’t ready for. Haymitch was right, you should’ve listen to him, you were wrong, he was right.

«Why?»

«To kill President Snow.»

«What happened?»

There is no point lying now. These guards knew everything, so she knows everything too. They just want to know what you remember. They are deciding if you are aware and conscious of your actions or not. 

«Finnick was dying. I had to save Finnick.» You quickly explain. Finnick Odair is kind of your best friend. You are part of a trio, with Lora and Perla, and you love Effie to death, but you learned speedily to love Finnick as a person and not just as a celebrity.

«Why, Daisy?» She is not judgemental. At least she tries hard not to be. 

«Finnick is a good person. He saved me. He saves me a lot.» Your voice seems funny to you now, a little slobber than usual. Slower.

«It is like you and him are allies?»

«Yes.» You brighten when she points it out. She understands. «And he deserves it. Caius don’t.»

«Why? Because he wasn’t in the Games?»

«He is not a good person.» You quickly shut up, but her frown deepens. You let out too much.

«You knew him before?»

You hug your knees to your chest. «Plutarch said not to say anything.» 

«Plutarch knows you can tell me anything, Daisy. This is a safe space.» This is not a safe space. You have to protect the ones you love. This is your responsibility, good Daisy, nice Daisy, protective Daisy. You protect your team. Your family. 

«Haymitch will kill him.» No, this is not right. Because you killed him. You close your eyes for a moment.

«Haymitch won’t know.» She reassures you. «Has he done something bad to you?»

«Haymitch left me. For a while.» You try to tell her, even if it’s so hard now to think about a complete sentence. «I met him, Caius. I tried to like him, but I didn’t. He didn’t take well… he was…»

«Offended?» She offers.

«Yes, offended. When there were the bombs, Alex got lost.» You are not making sense. It’s so frustrating! You have the complete sentence in your mind, but you can’t put it in words for the Doctor.

«Who’s Alex?»

«One of my kids. My students, I am a teacher. He was looking… he was looking for me, he was scared. I went to look for him, and I found Marjorie. She was hurt and I didn’t want to help her because she loves Haymitch but it’s, its’...» You swallow, to help you a bit. «It’s wrong! So I helped her, but Caius didn’t let us in the bunker.»

«Are you saying Caius didn’t let you enter the bunker before the bombs dropped?» She sounds shocked. Plutarch didn’t sound so shocked.

«He closed the door. Finnick saved us, let us in the other bunker.» You look at her. «He deserved to live.»

«I understand. Now you will wait here and then we will go in a room with President Alma Coin and other people, do you understand? Are you ready?» She offers you her hand, but you are not sure you can stand up.

«Do you get it, Doctor? I’m not bad. Finnick helped me. Finnick is good. Finnick deserves to live. I didn’t want Caius to win. Caius would have won, he is strong, he is a soldier.» You mumble, and you can feel Haymitch’s hands caressing you when he carries you to the other room as promised.

«This girl’s mind is compromised. She never got to stop the Games, she didn’t win, didn’t lose. Nobody said that she won or lost. Her mind is still in survival mode, so she has allies and opponents, black and white, and in her mind you win or you die. She is still in the Hunger Games.» 

Aurelius explains to the jury. She looks very nice while she speaks, standing up against President Coin, and you want to tell her but Haymitch said to you to shut up, and last time he was right so you shut up. «So the question is, why did nobody check on her? You run tests on the other victors but not on her? Why?»

Alma Coin looks a little panicked right now, you can see her wrinkles deepen a little more. You want to say that to her too, but she scares you. “You know what could use a revolution? That hair”, you suddenly remember Effie’s comment about her and you have trouble not burst into laughter.

You look at Haymitch. You miss him, and he makes you feel protected all the time. All you want right now is to be in his hug, to feel him, to smell his scent of liquor and woods. 

You have a little trouble staying with your eyes open.

«We thought, since she works with children…»

«She never got tested for that either, and I assure you it’s not a good look on you, President Coin. You let a Hunger Games tribute near children and you didn’t think about the dangerous implications.» 

«She never asked for these tests.» She argues flatly.

«Daisy comes from District Twelve and in that District they never had a psychologist or a therapist. She couldn’t have known. Plus, she was forced to share a mission with an agent who tried to murder her and an innocent nurse, Marjorie Tyrell, in front of her. An agent who was possibly dangerous to others.»

The trial goes on and on, but you don’t feel so well anymore. You feel nauseous and the headache is worse than before. At some point they think it’s bad that they drugged you, at least Dr. Aurelius thinks that, and you agree. You strongly agree. So strongly Haymitch has to calm you down.

When Coin comes back you barely stand up. 

«The trial decided that the citizen of District Thirteen, previously District Twelve, Daisy Pinecone, wasn't in charge of her actions when Caius Stone died.» 

You think this is a good thing. It’s a good thing. It sounds like a good thing. 

«However, she won’t be treated like a Tribute anymore but a simple citizen. She won’t have any special treatment and she will have to talk to Doctor Aurelius once a week. As a tribute, considered as a victor, she was entitled to an amount of money monthly. This amount will be given to the Stone family, in memory of Caius, and partly to District Thirteen. And of course any job around children will be considered forbidden.»

You won’t be a teacher anymore. You face Haymitch to ask him something, but he is quicker than you and he takes you in his arms to drag you out of the room.

«What is wrong with me?» You almost whine because you feel all fuzzy and confused.

«You have been drugged, several times. They believe you are more sincere if you are drugged, or something like that. They said you will be good tomorrow.» He strokes your hair with his big strong hand. «If you are not, I’m going to kill them.»

He takes you to his room, not yours. Maybe because Effie is in there and now he wants you to be alone, with dangerous information about the mission and a drugged mouth that wants to chat. 

His room is okay. It’s fine, you are there most of the time anyway, but you want to brush your teeth. You need to wash your hands, your face, your body… is this not the right thing to do before bed? You suppose it is, but you can’t move. 

«I’m in a mess.» You complain, your mouth against his uniform. You want to sleep, but you feel too dizzy and the room is spinning. «I’m a mess.»

«Everything will be okay.» He reassures you, a little kiss on your cheek. «You won’t go to prison. That was the urgent thing.»

«I can’t survive prison…» You cry. Prison is a bad place and you are too nice, too prim and proper. You start to believe Capitol City was the right place for you.

«You can survive anything you want, Sweetheart, but you won’t go.» 

«I don’t want to stay away from you.» You whisper in his hug, with your eyes already closed. «I love you.»

His answer is so soft you barely hear it. «Me too, Dai, me too.»

 

You wake up several hours later, with a banging painful headache, a big nausea and confused as hell. You don’t know where you are for a minute. In the Games? In Twelve? Underground? In the tunnels? No. You are in Thirteen.

However, Haymitch is there. He is not sleeping, he’s hovering over you. «How do you feel?»

«I’m sorry but… like shit.» You close your eyes for a moment. You are yourself now, not the drunk self. It’s like you have the flu now. «You?»

«Pretty much the same.»

You jump into his arms and press kisses on his neck and chest, as he returns the favour caressing your hair. «You were right, I was wrong, you wanted me in Thirteen and I should have…»

He stops you. «Finnick would be dead.» 

«Do you have any report on them?» You ask after a moment, trying to suppress the urge to vomit. 

«Nope. I’m just trying to hope but, you know, not my department.» Not yours either, you presume. Effie is the hopeful one. You are the realist. Haymitch is the pessimist at best, paranoid at worst.

He decides to change the subject on a lighter note. «I’m going to tie you up, you know? No more scares. You scare me all the time. This way I’ll know where you are.» He cuddles you, he is really cuddling you. You are still very, very drugged but you know he is joking.

«Tie me up forever?» You giggle. «Only for you?»

He nods. «Only for me.» He kisses you. «Could be fun.. All tied me up in the bed just for me…» 

«Could be fun for a game, but forever? Just you and me, chatting and arguing? You would kill me after a week.» 

«Nah, I’d know you’d be safe. Less trouble.»

You caress his cheek. «You would never.»

«No, I would never.» He kisses your forehead. «But you scared me to death. Sleep now. Tomorrow everything will be… well, shitty as usual but at least you will be here.» 

You close your eyes, still very much in his arms. You are not going to leave the place for anything in the world. 

«Haymitch?» You murmur in his ear.

«Sleep, Sweetheart.»

«If I’m not a teacher then what am I?» You don’t want to linger on that at least for another hour, but the memories of the trial start to creep in.

He takes his time to answer.

«A survivor.»

[kahlanmars]

BAD FEELING part. 23

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Hiii. I was on holiday but now I'm baaack! I couldn't, ok? I just couldn't. My precious babyboy.

23. Playing God

Turns out it’s not how you die simply because Finnick saves you once again. You lost count of how many times he saved your sorry ass, but you think you’ll owe him for the rest of your life. You’ll give a gigantic gift to Annie when the baby is born.

Your group is hiding in a small inlet now, and you can’t help but to ask a question everyone has.

«What the fuck were those?»  

«Mutts.» Boggs answers. You think he knew, maybe not exactly about these but he was aware of the chance. «Snow knows the tunnels are our best possibility.»

If this is your best shot you are already dead.

Mutt technology scares you so much. Modified animals created by the Capitol, controlled by them too. 

«So you are implying we have to deal with the lizards.» Perla assumes. You don’t agree on the “Lizard” term. You know lizards, they are small and nice and green. These things are white, too human shaped for your taste and they can talk. They say only “Katniss”, but they can talk.

Katniss who is too silent. Katniss who is too tense. You two are not close, but she’s your non boyfriend adoptive daughter, so you try to keep an eye on her, on Peeta too, and in a way on Finnick, even if he is your age and save you all the time. Your partner has a lot of adoptive children.

«Nobody said it was going to be easy.» Finnick remarks. Cressida always puts the camera on his face every time he talks. It didn’t matter how many times Finnick made pass-pros telling about his traumatic past and how Panem mistook him for a sex symbol, he is forever going to be the Games’ golden boy. Cressida is a practical woman, if he can bring more people to the revolution his face will be the poster face along with Katniss’s. Cressida is also a Capitol woman and some habits don’t die.

«We dealt with mutts and Capitols before, didn’t we?» Lora says, with a high pitch tone who is not at all like the others. You caress her arm in reassurance, because if she has to talk like this she is scared. «We are not doomed. We can try.»

«We can win.» Peeta adds, but it’s Katniss who finally speaks up.

«We have to.»

«Welcome to the 76th Hunger Games.» Finnick declares. «And may the odds be ever in your favor.»

The plan is simple: we see a lizard and we fight. You don’t fight, you are not able to and you never did that. There is no way to fight a shark, and you only fought humans. 

«Now, who never used a gun?» Boggs asks you.

You raise your hand until you realise there’s no need for you to do it. You spent too much time with children, you can just tell them. Lora, Perla and a fucking soldier follow your example and you realize that in District Thirteen you can be reaped as a soldier when you are fifteen. Not really different from The Hunger Games. On the other hand this is what war does… but are you not supposed to help the children instead of making them fight for you?

You really hate District Thirteen.

«You will stay behind. The Mockingjay is the priority.» 

Katniss watches him like he grew a second head. «No, I’m not. I can be dead at the end of all this. The priority is killing President Snow. We reach for the entrance and we go. This is our mission.»

You are not scared, you are absolutely terrified. You follow the soldiers waiting for the lizards to strike any minute now, not sure if they follow the scent of the noise. 

For a while the situation is the same for everyone.

You wait, and you wait in silence.

Until you hear a screech. 

You begin to run.

You run until your lungs are on fire and you spot a stair that if you are lucky enough will bring you out of this mess, and if you are not will bring you out of this misery. 

«STAAAIRS!» You scream, hoping the lizards don’t know your language, because Finnick, some soldiers and Peeta are behind you. 

You climb as fast as you can and you reach the top. Opening a door on the wall is not the simplest thing, and you are wasting precious time. Why are you on the top? Why is not Katniss on the top, or Boggs, or someone who knows what they are doing? You are wasting time. You are wasting time and now that means someone will be killed because of you, it’s all your fault, it’s…

Open. You open it. 

You crawl out the hole and you help the others with Perla, knowing the lizards are behind them with sharp teeth and claws. The others are on the ground now, shielding you from any possible danger.

The last ones are Caius and Finnick, going in together because the stairs are big enough. You hold the hand of the guard and your friend when you feel that something is wrong, too heavy than before. 

«Finnick?» You scream, trembling in terror. You can’t risk Finnick, you can’t risk Finnick, you can’t risk him…

«My leg!» He is clearly in pain, the lizards are biting him in the flesh, greedy for a meal. They are too strong.

He won’t make it, you realise. There’s no way you and Perla can lift him enough to save him, he is going to die there or you will die with him.

The boy who saved you, the man who will have a baby soon, dies. The handsome man who suffered the most. He doesn’t deserve it. All his life has been hell and now that he can have happiness he dies.

Meanwhile, the soldier who left you to die is about to be saved. By you. You get to save him but not Finnick. 

He doesn’t deserve it more. He will kill other people because he’s hurt, Caius is dangerous, he was willing to let Marjorie die because he was offended by you. 

No.

In a blur, you really don’t know what you are doing, like a foreign force that possesses you, you remove your hand from Caius’s and you push him off the stairs. He shouts, but the lizards surround him immediately and they tear his pieces apart, famished, leaving Finnick alone.

You pull him up, helped by Perla and you close the hole, as fast as you can.

Then you watch him. He watches you, and you can only imagine what he is thinking.

A murderer. A killer. A cold blood killer. The woman who played God. It wasn’t up to you who lived and who died. Is this for Finnick? Or just a convenient revenge? Would you have done the same with another soldier? 

But he didn’t deserve to live, he tried to kill you and Marjorie, and Finnick was dying and you didn’t want him to win.

«I can’t walk, I think my leg is broken.» He talks after what you think it’s an infinite amount of time. 

It’s Cressida who has the solution. «Come, I know a place.» 

The place that Cressida knows is a taylor’s house. The woman, named Tigris, was a famous stylist until Snow decided she wasn’t pretty enough to work for him and now she collaborates with the rebels. To be fair, she is hideous. She looks like a cat, her skin is yellow with black stripes and her nose is almost feline. She is too skinny, maybe because food is rationed in the Capitol since the war started. 

She is nice, though. She offers a meal and she let you stay in her basement until you’ll do part B of the plan, which means no lizards and no snakes. 

And blankets, you love blankets. 

You are sitting on the couch trying to bandage Finnick’s leg when he speaks up. He can’t walk, Gale carried him on his shoulder. 

«Thank you.» He talks to you, when Gale rushes to Katniss.

«No problem, I’m no Prim but I think it’s broken. You’ll stay here, you can’t fight with a broken leg.» It’s not your place to tell, or your orders to give, especially to him. Still, you are pretty good at giving orders.

«I didn’t mean… for this.» 

You close your eyes, trying not to break your calm. If you don’t think about it and you go on you will remain collected. Now it’s really not a good time for a panic attack. 

«You are my friend and I have to protect you.» You repeat like a mantra. «And I wasn’t going to leave Annie alone.»

«You know, apart from the age difference and the mentor - tribute thing, I get why you two are together. You are both protectors.»

You stay silent for so long because if you say something you are going to burst into tears, but one rolls down to your face, out of your control, and soon you begin to cry against his shoulder.

«I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry…» You murmur.

«Don’t, you did it to save me.» He hugs you, rubbing your back.

«I’m not like Haymitch, I’m not a good person, I’m a murderer.» You babble looking at him like you are desperate.

«And you think I’m not? I am. Haymitch is. Katniss is. We are all tributes, Daisy. We are all killers.» 

«That is not the same and you know it.» You look at him.

«Says who?» He deadpans. «It’s like in the Games.»

He caresses you and he strokes your hair until you fall asleep against him. It’s Katniss who awakes you, rather gently for her. «Ehi, there’s Haymitch on the computer, so… I thought maybe you want to say hi.»

You have to wait for your turn, because he is speaking first with her and then with Boggs for strategic stuff, but then they let you speak to him for five minutes. Good, you can calm yourself down a little.

«Partner.» You say hi, rubbing your eyes. It’s the middle of the night and you cried yourself to sleep.

«Sweetheart. How are you doing?» He looks at you, you can tell he is worried but you are not going to say anything. Maybe they are recording.

«Bad, I miss you. But I’m alive.» And Caius is not. You can’t cope with that, so your brain acts like you didn’t do what you’ve done.

If you linger to the knowledge everything becomes black. The first time you were protecting Effie and him and you were trying not to be murdered by President Snow; the second time you were in the Hunger Games, fighting for your life. This time you have no excuses. You decided who had to live and who had to die.

Haymitch can’t know that. He will think you are not perfect, he will know you are evil, he will leave you, he doesn’t even love you. 

No, that is wrong. That is even worse! You have to tell him as soon as you get back in the district. That is the right thing to do. 

But you will lose him.

But… even the thought of losing him is selfish. Caius can’t lose anyone, because Caius is dead. Because of you.

Then again, Caius was a bad person who almost killed you and an innocent woman in the process.

«Stay alive, Gorgeous. I miss you too.» He seems tired. You don’t know how the tremors are these days, but his hands shake and he has black shadows under his eyes. 

«These confessions.» You tease him. 

«What can I say? You made me soft.» With those words the butterflies in your stomach are dancing to a very loud song. You made him soft.

«Didn’t replace me with a cute District 13 girl yet?» No real conversation, no real deal. They are watching you.

«Didn’t have time. Not like you and Finnick.» He deadpans. Boggs is down with gossip? Or Katniss said it to him when he asked about you.

«Oh yes, I was sleeping against him just now.» You retort with a wide grin. «You know my taste in men is “Handsome victors”.»

«Is it now? And I thought that was “Old alcoholics”.» You almost feel bad for the people that will see the video, because his eyes are dark with lust and you purr in every word. It will be embarrassing for them. You look like teenagers in love.

«Old alcoholics who can make you see stars at night?» 

He chuckles, but you can tell he is filled with pride. «You’re mine, remember that.»

«No, you are mine. Can’t wait to prove it to you.» You are being ridiculous and you know it, and then again when you’ve seen him on the monitor your heart skipped a bit. You are so proud of your bracelet and proud that everyone knows you wear something of his, not because he owns you, just because… he really knows you. And you are so scared, that’s so you to cope with that.

«And how would you do that, Princess?»

«I might bite your neck.» You have a little kink for his neck. It’s so strong, so rough, and when you kiss it he moans so loud and he always makes sure you scream in pleasure after… 

«Just my neck, Sweetheart?» 

«Boggs says you have to quit now.» Katniss tells you, and by the blush on her face you get she listened to your little conversation. You say goodbye to your handsome, funny, kind partner and almost burst into laughter when the dark haired girl avoids your gaze. She is so pure. 

When you come closer to Perla and Lora, they exchange a look.

«I miss you.» Lora tells her, mocking my accent.

«I miss you more. You are mine.» Perla follows her example. You scoff, clearly annoyed.

«Remember that you are mine.» The younger woman is really keen on your imitation. 

«No, you are mine.»

«You have to remember.»

«Remember it, Daisy.» 

They look at you like you’ll clap at their performance. You throw a pillow at them. «…Fuck off, you two.»

«And who would help you remember?»  

You laugh, and you come back to sleep between them. 

«Do you think we will die here?» Perla whispers after a while, maybe half an hour. «I don’t think we are very much loved by Thirteen.» 

«No, we can’t die. We need to go on a proper vacation in her district after the war.» You murmur. «I’ve always wanted to visit District Four.»

You smile and turn to see Lora’s reaction, but she is asleep. She looks so peaceful when she is sleeping, so young. You didn’t protect her much today, you should keep an eye on her too. She’s strong, she’s cunning but she’s still a kid. Being nineteen is still being a kid. Just a year out of the normal games.

«I don’t think we’ll arrive to an “After the war”. We don’t get to have an after.» Perla keeps going. She is clearly in a clouded mood tonight.

«Don’t even. We have to try.» You squeeze her arm. You thought like that all through your games, and it has been exhausting. She needs to fight, so she can’t be tired.

«I’m in love.» She whispers so briefly you almost don’t hear it. «For the first time. And I don’t want to lose it.»

You watch her closely. If you joke about it now you lose her. Perla is used to being the strong one, the one who doesn’t care about feelings, and if you can’t imagine her being so open and approachable. She is not like you, who screams you are in love with Haymitch to anyone who’s willing to hear about it. She doesn’t wear her heart on her cheek. 

«You won’t. You deserve it.» You stroke her brown hair to pamper her. «Do you want to tell me… who is it?»

She doesn’t answer right away. She closes her eyes, like it’s a great secret. It’s probably a secret. 

«I have been part of the rebellion since the start, you know?» You didn’t know. You thought it had been the same as for you, but you let her continue. «I volunteered because of that.»

You actually remember that she volunteered, but you thought it was for a sibling or a friend, not for a cause. «Weren’t you scared?»

«I was frightened. Working for the rebellion with Finnick, I…» For a moment you are terrified she says she is in love with Finnick. Like for real. Every woman who likes men in Panem had a crush on Finnick Odair, the dashing prince from District Four, but a real thing would have been devastating. He is married. His wife is pregnant. «I met a stylist.»

Ok, now you are just puzzled. «A stylist?»

She gulps. A confession. «The stylist. Like… the rebel stylist. The stylist of the rebellion. Katniss’s stylist.»

You cover your mouth with your hand. «Are you in love with Cinna?»

«Don’t hold it against me, Daisy. I don’t know what got into me. I don’t do these things. It’s not the right time.» 

«Things like? Living your life? Love?» You raise an eyebrow. «It’s wonderful! What do you live for if you don’t live for love? That’s just perfect.» 

«The rebellion comes first.» She reminds you. «For the both of us.»

«Oh, aren’t you just perfect for each other.» You joke. Just a little. She can bear that. «Plus, he is reeeally hot.» 

Lora opens an eye, clearly annoyed by your chatting. «Uh?»

«Oh, nothing.» You dismiss it.

«I’ve heard everything and I have just one question.»

«Shoot.» The sky blue eyed girl offers.

«What is it with you and old people?»

You pretend to sleep for most of the night. You don’t want to bother anyone with nightmares, but you also know there’s no way Caius won’t be in them when you’ll close your eyes.

You saved Finnick, and you are proud of yourself for that, but killing Caius has been so easy you are actually scared of yourself.

Yourself, yourself, yourself…

«A group of soldiers will come to take Finnick back to the District.» Boggs explains, looking at the man’s leg. It is actually bad, but it could have been worse. «We’ll stay to continue the mission. All clear?»

«All clear.»

That is a true thing. That is cool. Finnick has to rest and he will be safer this way, unable to fight. Tomorrow you are going to kill President Snow and you can’t expect all of you to come back.

You are one of the weak ones. You are here because Coin is not happy with Haymitch, that’s what you think. She is using you to punish him. And maybe you have created problems too, with Caius and the bunker.

You deserve it, a voice specifies. You unalived someone today, after all. If someone deserves to die it’s not the Mockingjay, or the lover boy, or your fellow tributes.

In the blink of an eye two soldiers come into the bunker, but instead of going for Finnick, they come near you. 

You don’t know them. They are in the Thirteen uniform, so they must come from that district, but they are strangers. A blonde man and a dark haired one, face blank and very, very tall. They look scary enough, but you suppose it’s their job.

«Daisy Pinecone, you are under arrest for the murder of a District Thirteen citizen. You have the right to remain silent.» They say, and you can’t help but look at the others, but everybody is in the dark. 

They don’t know more than you do. 

«I beg your pardon?» You ask.

What is worse is that it’s true, but how can they know it? Did Finnick say something? It’s impossible, you trust him with your life, and he was sleeping with you when Boggs was talking with Haymitch.

«Everything you say can be used against you.» They keep going, but you search Katniss with your eyes. They grab your arms and try to lift you up.

«Daisy, go with them.» Boggs orders you. «We will clarify everything.»

You quickly become terrified. Where are they taking you? If nobody knows, will you come back? They don’t like you. Will you be tortured? People are getting tortured in Thirteen.

You have the bracelet, you suddenly remember. Haymitch knows where you are.

«Call Haymitch! Please, call Haymitch!» You scream to the Mockingjay while they take you away.

You don’t even get to see if she heard you.

[kahlanmars]

BAD FEELING part 26

OH HELLO. Ivy, yes, it's another Taylor song. Let me know with comments what you think about it!

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26. Chaos

Your mind works well when it’s under attack. As much as you want to know what happened to Mrs. Everdeen, if Snow really bombed Twelve and Thirteen kids, Capitol citizens are not welcome here anymore, and you immediately think about Effie.

«Stay here.» You storm into her room, grateful she didn’t go out to see what is happening. «You stay here until me or Haymitch comes, okay? Portia, everyone knows you are part of the revolution so maybe it’s safe for you but I wouldn’t risk it.» 

Effie hugs you, and you notice she’s shivering. You are frightening her, but you really don’t want people to take it to her because she was born in Capitol City. For most people she is still District Twelve’s escort and never part of the revolution. They are keen to forgive Portia and Cinna because they didn’t know their faces before, but Effie was the one who reaped their children every year. They don’t know she’s good hearted and she hated her job, a job she took when she was a twenty year old model who didn’t know anything about the Games aside from what society told her. 

You quickly explain what is happening, and Portia decides that she should stay with the blonde and locks the door, and you go to see where the Star Squad is. You are scared for Perla and Lora, for Katniss and Peeta. If they are bombing the Capitol, maybe… you don’t even want to think that.

«Try to find Cinna», Portia begs you. «I want to know where he is.»

Cinna, you bet, is looking for Perla. The only one you are mildly sure about is Finnick, who’s in the infirmary with a broken leg. All the other people you care about are out there. 

Your kids. Your heart sinks again. Your kids, used as a human shield. You really need to know what happened, so you kiss Effie on the cheek and you run away. 

The District is pure chaos. Mothers are looking for their children, people are desperate, someone shouts improper things about Snow or the revolution or even Thirteen. 

You spot Haymitch and you go to him, a scared look on your face. He doesn’t look so cheerful himself, and he kisses you just for the sake of it, just because he can, fast with urge because now it’s not the right moment for losing time. 

«Sweetheart, I was looking for you. Come, please.» 

He takes you by the hand and you run with him in a small room, maybe a lumber room or a nook.. 

Katniss is there, sitting on a bench.

With a baby on her lap. 

She has bruises on her face and a cut under her right eye, her leg is full of blood so maybe she was bleeding before, and she has dark circles around her eyes. She’s not being herself. Her stare is blank and she is not really here. Her hair falls into her face and she is not even bothered. 

The baby, a little girl who couldn’t be more than two, wrapped in a yellow coat and a matching hat that covers her blonde hair, is not crying. She just looks confused. She is adorable, she looks like a kid from a painted book, like a little fairy. So out of place.

«Who’s the kid?» You whisper, reaching for Haymitch’s hand again. A part of you only wants to be in his arms, because he can protect you, he can be the one who fights. It’s not right, though. You are not six and you protect and fight too. You can be his protector, if needed, and still your heart is a little lighter when he takes your hand and squeezes into his.

«I have no idea. It’s chaos out there, she sneaked in thanks to Boggs, and they came to find me. As I know what to do with a bloody kid.» Ok, so Boggs is a good guy enough not to report it to Coin, or someone is barging in right now.

«She is Capitol.» Katniss murmurs, without looking at you. «Her mother is dead. She was crying and shaking her body and I picked her up and then I saw Prim and…» 

You put a hand on her shoulder. «It is okay, Katniss, breathe.» She clearly is distressed, on the verge of a panic attack.

«It’s better for her if we don’t mention where she comes from. There was no dad, she didn't have anything on her.» She finally looks at you. «Your mother is a midwife, maybe you know something about kids.»  

«I suppose.» Better you than a sixteen year old. You pick the toddler up, a smile on your face, and you talk to her in a sweet swooning voice. «Hey, beautiful girl. Do you like my bracelet? Yes, it’s shiny!»

You don’t dare take it out from your wrist, but the little girl is content playing with that. 

«Katniss, you should go out.» Haymitch interrupts you. «Let them see you.» 

«I captured Snow. What else do you want from me?» She snaps. 

«I don’t want anything, but the game is not over, kid. You know that.»

«The game is over for Prim.» She retorts. What happened to the poor Primrose Everdeen? The kid you are schooling?

«No, it’s not. Even for her. And you want them to take care of her. I’ll come in a minute, just the time to deal with the baby.»

The girl goes out, leaving you with Haymitch and a toddler. You sit down. «I told Effie to lay low. She and Portia locked the door and stayed inside.» 

«Good. I should go with Plutarch now.» He caresses your face. You almost close your eyes at the touch.

«Haymitch?» You call him, you don’t want him to leave.  «Do you have any news on the kids?»

«Peeta is okay. Lora has a mild concussion, but it’s in the hospital right now, and Perla… I think Perla lost a leg. There was a lot of blood when they retrieved her.» Poor Perla, but… better a leg than her life. «Two soldiers died. The kids at your school, I don’t want to lie to you, it’s bad.»

«And Prim Everdeen?» Sweet Prim, the most adorable little girl you know. And you don’t even want to think about the kids. You knew most of these kids.

«She’s in a coma.» 

In a coma. You try to imagine a lively, happy Prim in a coma in a hospital bed and you just don’t understand. It’s not her place. It shouldn’t be anyone’s place.

«Mom?» You suddenly remember. Your mother was in the district, right? You are not sure. Maybe she volunteered. Maybe…

«You mom is fine, I checked.»  

You relax a little, stroking the little girl’s blonde hair. «Everything is falling.» You whisper after a moment.

«We are in the final row.» He takes you in his arms, and he even gives a caress to the baby’s cheek. «Go to my room with her and stay there. I’ll try to bring milk and a snack.» 

«I should go to the hospital to check on the girls.» You counter, but he shakes his head. 

«You wouldn’t be useful. You have to hide her. I’ll check on Effie too, ok?» 

«Come back to me.» You murmur before kissing him.

«Always, doll.» He smiles against your lips and leans for another kiss, and another, and another. You have the deep sensation that everything is slipping through your finger and those kisses may be the last ones. 

«I have a baby on my lap.» You remind him. «Go, go!» 

«So, what are we going to do, you and I?» You ask the baby that must be in a state of shock, because she doesn’t speak or blabber. «You must have a name.»

«Mama?» She asks, finally. You shake your head. 

«Soon.» You lie. «Soon.» 

She seems reassured by the promise and she closes her eyes. 

Haymitch’s room is no room for a baby and you have no idea how you are going to deal with her when she wakes up from the scare. 

You stroke her blonde hair and you toy for a moment, just for a moment, with the thought of a family with Haymitch and this baby. She is blonde like him, it’s almost too easy to imagine. He doesn’t want kids and quite frankly you don’t want them either now, but she is real, she is curled up on your stomach and you truly believe you will kill anyone that wants to harm her. 

No life as a tailor, no internship with Portia, no teaching… oh, well, you couldn’t teach now. 

It would be very wonderful to get up every morning and be in bed with the man you love, and then prepare breakfast for this perfect little lady. 

«I would teach you to recognise all the plants, so you would never starve.» You whisper in her ear. «And it will be fun to ski in the lake during winter, it’s useful, you know. We can play with dolls, I can make them dresses. I can make you dresses too!»

You were an orphan too. You never had so many questions about your parents because you didn’t want to hurt Holly, but you always wondered how they were and why they gave you away. It was totally possible they couldn’t feed you, or maybe your mother was a teenager without any family. You don’t know if Holly knew her. She never talked about that, and you never asked. She was your mother and it was enough most of the time, you never lost someone. You only knew her all your life. Still, some nights when you were little you cried because someone gave you away, or worse.

Holly saved your life, and now, maybe, deep down, you wanted to return the favour. 

Haymitch opens the door and there’s Marjorie with him. Marjorie and a lot of milk. 

«We brought snacks for the baby and for you, since I suppose you didn’t think about feeding yourself.» He declares, not commenting about why his ex girlfriend is with him. Does she need protection? It doesn’t make any sense, she is basically Thirteen, no matter where she was born. 

You shake your head, actually a snack is the last thing you were thinking about but now that they mention it, you are famished. You take an apple with a “thank you” and you hand the baby to Marjorie for a moment to eat it.

The toddler completely relaxes in her arms, and the nurse’s smile shines like a diamond. 

«Oh hello there. She is beautiful. Does she have a name?»

«Nope.» Haymitch must have explained the situation, because she seems like she already knows everything. To his credit, he immediately comes to your side and he puts a hand on your shoulder. You suppose he realises staying with her and a baby would have been too much the portrait of a happy family for you to bear.

«Did you choose a name?» She asks, looking at you two. Hurt flashes on her face just for a moment. 

And then you realise. To return the favour you shouldn’t take in the baby, you should find the perfect family for her. Let’s face it, you have too many problems to deal with a kid right now and you can practically hear your mother saying that it’s not right, it’s selfish, you are basically playing with dolls with her.

But I want a family, a voice yells, demanding the blonde kid like a toy. And you will have one if you want, but in time. Not with a two months relationship, a war and a murder charge. 

A kid doesn’t deserve to be treated like this. She needs a home, she needs a mom or a dad that are ready to have children. 

«You know “Who saw it first” never played well with us. You, you can take care of her better.» You resonate. It doesn’t matter if there's a lump on your throat and you want to cry for a moment. «If you want.»

Her eyes become watery. 

«Well, I like “Ivy”.» 

This is all the answer you need. Marjorie deserves a new start. She deserves something good and she has so much love to give after all these wasted years. Even if you don’t like her.

«Ivy.» You repeat. «Can I still be Auntie Daisy?»

Because now you chose her. It doesn’t matter if it’s not yours, this little blonde head it’s yours to protect.

«Of course you can be Auntie Daisy.» She scoffs. «You will teach her a lot of tricks to play to me when she is a teenager, I bet.»

«Of course, I can’t stand you.» You sincerely answer. She chuckles. «You will stay at Auntie Daisy’s house for sleepovers and you will have a lot of sweets!» You whisper to Ivy, who only watches you with sleepy eyes.

«Jor.» Haymitch calls her, much more serious than you two. «No mention she’s from the Capitol. You can tell the story you want, but she’s from a District. Kids from the Capitol are not safe these days.»

You shiver at his words and you have a very bad feeling about this.

«How is your headache?» You snuggle against him to feel him better. He is all clean after your shower (it’s better together to save the minutes of hot water, after all) and you can’t help but feel sore and sleepy. Good, if you are sleepy you are not worried and you’ll have two or three hours of sleep before your turn to stay with Perla.

«Better now.» An addiction is not easy to manage, and he is so good that sometimes you don’t even remember his problem, but he does. 

«Good. We have to sleep now. I’ll go to the girls and I bet someone will call you sooner than later.» 

«Are you sad?» Haymitch asks you. You decided that staying at his place was the best option, to keep Portia and Effie together. 

«Of course I’m sad, Primrose is in a coma. Effie is in constant danger and Perla is at the hospital.» Everything is shitty. And everybody keeps telling you that you should be happy because Snow will surrender soon, but I don’t like it. Nothing is stable. You don’t know if Snow will really surrender or he will prefer to bomb you, to take the districts down with him. You knew he was evil but bombing kids is another scale.

Yeah, you remember, because he always spared children from his evil plans…

«I meant about the baby. Ivy.» He clarifies and he nuzzles his nose against your neck for comfort. «I saw your face when Marjorie took her away, Sweetheart.»

«No, it was the best for her.» You indulge yourself in a sad smile. «But…»

«But you were already attached to the toddler in half a minute that I left you with her.» He was silent during the conversation because he wanted you to decide, you realise. Fool. Stupid man full of honour. 

You nod. «I’m well aware I’m being stupid.» 

He snuggles against you. «It’s not stupid, you wanted to protect her.»

«I know it’s better not to be associated with me right now, especially for a young thing, and it would have been trouble because I’m not the best person ever for an adoption, with all the killings and stuff… I can see the irony.»

He faces you and he takes your cheek into his hands to put you a kiss on the lips. «You would make a great mom. You are a lioness when it comes to protecting the people you love. Even me.»

You scuff. «You are the one who always protects me.»

«Are you kidding? You know how much comfort gives me that you can fight, that you will step on a fight when the situation requires it? You like the part, but you are not a damsel in distress. I’m not your mentor anymore, we are equals.»

You suppress a smile, turning around to be the little spoon. «I do like the part.» You confirm it. «And you are simply great as a knight in shining armour.»

He laughs, probably thinking that you are crazy. «Sometimes I think you have another partner and you confuse me with him.»

«Oh, I wish.» You mock him, «There’s a cute blonde girl that I always see at lunch and she’s just my type.»

Of course, because you know your man, he tightens the grip on your hips and you feel his teeth on your neck. «Oh yeah? What’s your type?»

«Scruffle manly men and manipulative cute feminine women.»

He burst into laughs. Not a chuckle or a scruff, a laugh. «So, just to clarify… we are your type.»

«I’m glad that mocking me gives you such pleasure. Yes, you happen to be my type. Why, how is yours?» You ask, curious.

He grins. «Blonde, tall, never in trouble, never talks back… oh and she has to be at least my age.»

«Maybe you should go for the lunch cutie after all!» You retort, searching for his hug. You know he is kidding, but still… to be sure. Marjorie is blonde. And tall. And his age. He notices you are closer and he chuckles.

«No need to be jealous. I don’t even remember my fucking type before you. » He kisses your shoulder. «You ruined me for the other women.»

«Good. No other women. Just you and me.»

«Mh, sounds good.» He is going down, tracing kisses on your spine and you really have to remind him you need to sleep. 

«Does it?» You suddenly whisper. «I mean, we never discussed “After the war”. I mean, I didn’t think there would have been one to begin with.»

«We still don’t know.» He returns being the big spoon, the kisses are forgotten now.

«Yeah, but just hypothetical thinking… What would you want to do?» 

«Daisy, are you nuts? What do you think? You are very much naked in my bed. If you are having second thoughts…»

But you didn’t say you love me.

«I’m not.» You reassure him immediately. «I’m with you. I’ll stay with you as long as you want me.»

«A long time then.» He states and he kisses your cheek. «Listen, I don’t know how to say it. About earlier, I never wanted kids. Kids die easily and I was a Snow target. But if you and me manage to stay the fuck out of the Capitol and Coin decides we are not a target, maybe…»

The first thought is a yell of joy, because you actually want a family with him someday. The second one is “If we manage to stay out of the Capitol”. That doesn’t add well to Portia’s offer.

«Haymitch I-»

There’s a knock on the door. You share a look, maybe it’s better if he goes, even if the room is so small that they’ll see you. He manages to dress up in his uniform.

«Open this damn door, Abernathy.» 

«I’m coming, I’m coming.»

On the other side of the door there is Plutarch Heavensbee, that lifts up an eyebrow at your sight.

«Plutarch.» You smile, just because you want him to know you are here to stay and you didn’t forget the little act he put on with Caius. 

«Miss Pinecone.» He politely returns the nod.

«What is it, Plutarch?» He asks, hiding your sight, partly because he doesn't want to portrait you like his mistress and, you suspect, partly because you are naked under his sheets.

«They captured President Snow.»

[kahlanmars]

BAD FEELING part. 19

HIIII. Daisy proved me she is better than I thought in this chapter, my baby flower.

Please, comment and like if you want, and if you want to be added in the taglist you just have to ask!

MASTERLIST

19. Two seconds

You feel his gaze staring on you, and he traces lines along your arm with his fingers. You lazily smile at him. You didn’t want to fall asleep, because you know you will end up screaming from nightmares and he is not Effie, he doesn’t know that yet. He didn’t fall asleep either, probably for the same reason. 

Two pathetic traumatised cheaters. Are you a cheater? No, you don’t think so. You didn’t have any promise with Marjorie.  

«Staring is creepy.» You remind him, but for the hundredth time he just smiles and kisses you. You prefer him not shaved, scruffed and rough, but you have to admit it hurts less without his beard.  

«Then I’m creepy.» He leans to kiss you again. With his arms around you, you feel in paradise. And that makes you worried, because you’ve never been dependent on anyone. Maybe it’s because it’s your first love, but sometimes it doesn’t feel right. Not this time, tho. This time feels so right. «I hate to do this, but… I have to go to my room.»

You hug him tightly. «Nope.»

«If Effie-» You cut him off.

«Oh trust me, Effie is not coming back tonight. Stay. Your uniform is here.» You turn around to watch him properly. You missed him and now that you have the chance you won’t let it go. «You didn’t miss me?»

«Oh, I missed you.» He confirms it, and you just know he feels the same way. You are so proud he can’t let you go, his hands around your body, his lips constantly on yours. 

«Then kiss me… Touch me… taste me.» You begin to kiss his jaw, his neck, his chest… until he blocks you. He never did that, you are a little insulted, but your face must be confused because he explains.

«We have to talk.»

«In the morning.» You argue.

«In the morning you’ll run for the class. Now.» 

«I’m in bed naked with you and you want to talk, I must really have lost my charme.» You half joke, but you lean to kiss him anyway.

His eyes harden and his hand goes on your throat. With another man you would be scared, but with Haymitch… it’s a kind of foreplay. «Stop manipulating me, Sweetheart.» 

He is not serious, he is aroused. And you can tell he is trying so hard to talk, but if he talks then you will have to be serious, and he is going to say that he is sorry but he can’t stay with you, you are sure of it, so…

«But you love when I manipulate you.» You purr in his ear. This time he chuckles. 

«Yes, but we do have to talk, gorgeous. There is a reason we are not together anymore.»

«Marjorie.» You guess. 

«I’m not with Marjorie. I don’t cheat, Daisy.»

That’s preposterous. You saw them at the party, giggling and laughing like a married couple. Or a couple of friends? You never saw them kissing. 

«But I thought-»

«And I let you think that. We tried, but things are not like when we were sixteen. My mind was… somewhere else.» 

You can’t help but grin. Oh, please, you are practically glowing in joy. «You were thinking about me?»

«Daisy, please. We are not together anymore because you deserve more.» 

Oh c’mon. This can’t be the reason. «Oh please stop with the self pity-»

«Would you let me finish?!» He screams at you, and you have to bite your tongue not to interrupt him again. «I’m older than you. I don’t like people. You are twenty four, and I don’t know what you will do with your life, but you deserve more. You deserve to travel, you deserve a family, you deserve to have whatever you want.»

«I want you.» 

«You are not listening to me. One day you are going to wake up and hate me for what I’ve done to you.»

«No, you don’t listen to me. You don’t know what I want to do and you know why? Because I don’t know it! If we survive this war, and it’s an “if”, not a “when”, maybe I will want to travel. Would you hate me if I decide to travel and then come home? I don’t think so.»

«Of course you could travel.» He sighs.

«I know! You are not that kind of man.» You stroke his hair. «You never tried to control me, not once.»

He melts at your touch, but his point still stands. «I don’t want to get married. I am old for those things and I don’t even think I can have children.»

«I don’t know if I want children, but if I’ll have them I want to adopt them, like Holly adopted me. And you kinda are a father already, Katniss and Peeta are practically yours. I won’t be surprised if one day Mrs. Everdeen decides to go and leave you in charge of Katniss and Prim.»

He scoffs. «Not a great competition.» Well, he is right. Mrs. Everdeen is ill, and because of that she can’t be her best self, but she nearly let her daughters starve to death. Again, not a great look.

«I don’t know why you insist… no, I know why you insist on saying that you are not a good man. But please, don’t lie to me, because I’m aware that you are great.» You cup his cheeks with your hands. «I asked you if you wanted me and you said yes.»

«I want you to be happy. You can’t be happy with me, for fuck sake Daisy you have to clean my vomit. I have a problem.»

You wrinkle your nose. «You are sober now. Listen, everyone expected me to be married as soon as I was eighteen, because I was such a prim and proper little girl, and Holly instructed me to be as kind and gentle as I could be. But when a suitor asked me, I didn’t want to be with him. For a long time I thought I’d never stay with anyone, and I was fine with that. Holly wasn’t, but I was. Point is, I started working for you and I got a biig, biiiig crush for you. If you lose me because you think I’ll have suitors and I’ll get married tomorrow, I tell you it won’t happen. It took me twenty four years to have a crush on two people.» 

«It’s what I am? A crush?» He asks, and he squeezes your hand.

«You were. Now you are a little more.» You don’t want to say those words, not now, when he won’t answer back. You know he is not ready, but you don’t want the humiliation. «Plus, we can’t put our hands off of each other. Wouldn’t it be just a torture without purpouse?» 

He kisses your fingers. «You deserve more.»

«And yet I want you. Let me choose for myself. Don’t be like everybody else, don’t think you know better. Let me choose.» 

You look at him in his blue, blue eyes and you kiss him. You want him to know that he is enough. For you, he is enough. He is kind and passionate and fun and he makes you laugh and his kisses are amazing… and you are utterly, completely in love with him. 

«’M sorry.» He grants. He never says sorry, so it’s a great thing. 

You smile wickedly. «I know a way to make amends.» 

«Oh yeah? It involves sheets and a bed?» He begins to go down, kissing your body like it’s a temple and he is praying at you. You moan at his touch and lift his chin just for a moment to connect your eyes and his.

«Never tired of me?» You ask for reassurance.

«Never.»

The breakfast is way happier than the day before. You are sitting on your desk with Perla and Lora, but you really, really can’t help but steal looks with Haymitch and giggle (to be fair you giggle, he just shakes his head and tells you to eat until he has to go to see Katniss). You are so happy.

«You look like someone gifted you with a kitten.» Lora points out. Oh, a kitten would be fantastic! You have to add that you want a kitten when you return to District 12. If. 

«Oh gosh Lora, you are so innocent! She looks like she had a night to remember!» 

You glance at Perla. You are not ready to share this night’s revelations. «Nah-ah, she’s right I just want a kitten. And what about you, Perla? You have a romance and you don’t want to tell us anything!» 

She becomes red, so flustered you feel a little guilty. «I’m a private person.»

«Please, tell me it’s not Gale Hawthorne. I don’t like that guy, he has something weird in his eyes.»

«It’s not my mentor, isn’t it?!» You make a disgusted face at Chaff’s mention when Lora talks.

«He is an old drunk!» You protest. They look at you with wide eyes but you don’t see why.

«He is five years older than Haymitch.» Perla finally says. «But it’s not him. Can you just let it go?»

You and Lora share a look. «Nope.»

«Well, can you at least wait until tonight? I’m going to the hospital. I’m volunteering there.» 

«Are you sure it’s a good idea today? The classes are dismissed, today they are going to rescue Peeta.»

You are so happy for Peeta, Mags and Johanna. Of course the mission is mostly for Peeta, the other mockingjay, the lover boy. You don’t think Alma Coin would rescue an eighty old granny even if she was a victor. 

«Yeah, just for an hour or so.» She presses a kiss on you and Lora’s cheek and goes. 

You just left the cafeteria when you hear a siren and froze.

This is a Code red alert. The District is under attack. Please, remain calm and begin the evacuation protocol. Please proceed in orderly fashion to the nearest stairwell and descend to Level 40. Blast doors will be sealed in six minutes. 

When you hear the sirens the first thing you think about is Holly. Then Effie, and Portia. And Lora and Perla… you are not worried about Haymitch, because you know he is important and the District could not lose him, so he is in the “special people” bunker. 

You can’t think like this. If you don’t stay in the line they will worry for you as you worry for them, you have to look for them in the line. You begin to run a little faster, as you see all the people worried.

Something must have gone very wrong in the operation. 

The people of the district have to go to the bunker. The bunker will be closed in six minutes. Please, stay in the line.

You scream her name when you see your mom, she’s looking for someone, maybe for you. She seems a little relieved when she hears you. Ok, your mom is fine.

You later see Effie and Portia. Perla and Lora must be inside, they are intelligent, they are cunning, they survived the Hunger Games.

«Miss Pinecone!»

You try to understand who is approaching you, a woman you don’t remember well, she is from District 12, a little older than you. Then you get it: black hair, black eyes, Alex’s mom.

«Miss Pinecone, have you seen Alex? I can’t find him.»

Alex. The sweet little boy from your class. Seven, maybe eight years old. Why is he not with his mom? He has a lot of brothers, why is he not here? Where is he?

«The class was dismissed today, so I don’t know…» You seem lost. You have no idea where… no. It’s your fault.

«He worships your ground, I thought… maybe that if he wasn’t with me he was with you, I thought…» She looks lost, but you are not anymore. You remember the last conversation you had with him.

«But, Miss Pinecone, what if I don’t find my mom?»

«I think you could come to me.»

«Thank you, Miss Pinecone.»

Alex must have lost his mom and now he is trying to find you, he is confused, it’s not his district. And for a seven years old boy, a teacher lives in the classroom. 

«Stay here. I might know where he is.» You lecture her. 

«I’ll come with you.» She offers, but you watch her children. The little one is two or three, also black hair and black eyes, adorable. No way you are risking the life of her mother. No way you are risking any life.

«I’ll go. Tell the guards not to close the gates before I’ve found Alex!»

You try to fly to the classroom, try to run as fast as you can, and all the time you think about Alex’s eyes. They are so hopeful. For a boy from the district, from the Seam, he is still a boy, still a child. You can’t kill a child, this would be your fault. 

You can save him, you just have to run.

«ALEX!» You shout when you enter the class, and you spot him under a desk. Yes, you told them to hide under a desk in case of attack, again, your fault. «Alex, I’m Daisy.»

«Miss Pinecone?» He asks, you can see he cried. He is terrified. You didn’t teach them enough, you didn’t focus on the survival skills, it’s all your fault.

«Yes! I’ve come for you, let’s go.» You hug him so tight you are sure you are hurting him, but he doesn’t say anything.

«I l-lost my mom and…» He feels guilty. 

«It’s ok, you didn’t do anything wrong, but now can you do something for me? You can?» He nods, so you go on. «I want you to run as fast as you can. Can you run?»

«Yes.» He is a little reassured, you asked him something he can do.

«You know where the bunkers are? We are going there. If something happens to me, you have to go alone. I’ll catch up, don’t worry. Okay?» You take his hand. White lies.

The corridors are now deserts and it’s a little easier to run, so you try to make the same road backward when you hear a scream. 

Someone else? Have the guards even checked before saving themselves? You spot a woman in the infirmary, she’s not standing up. They didn’t check the infirmary? They are criminals!

«Alex, what have I told you?» 

«Go to the bunker.» He immediately answers you.

«Good boy, go to the bunker. I’ll come. Tell mama I’m on my way.»

Thank heaven, he goes without protesting. He still believes whatever you tell him. You open the door and see Marjorie standing still, tensed at your sight. 

«Oh c’mon, it had to be you.» You let it slip, but you go to her anyway. Her ankle doesn’t look that good, it’s puffed, swollen.  

«Same thought.» She replies. 

«Can you stand up?» You help her to do that, and she jumps with one foot. She looks at you like you are going to let her stay there to die. 

Oh, you are so dead.

«Now I’m going to do something, if you need to cry, cry.» 

You take her up. You are sure the ankle won’t benefit from the jump, and she cries for a moment, but you are not a nurse, you are just trying to save your life. 

«I’m slowing you down.» She protests while you try to run. It’s a little heavier now.

«No shit.» You deadpan. 

The bunker will be closed in ten seconds.

She tries to let you go, but you tighten the grip. There is no way she is going to be the fucking main character, you won’t let her die to save you. You will save her out of spite.

«We don’t have time, let me go.» She protests.

«We have time.» 

«Daisy-»

«I won’t let you be the martyr, Marjorie, shut up.» 

«You can…» She tries to speak again - she never listens, that woman, but you interrupt her again.

«I’m not a murderer on purpose! I’m not leaving you here.» You can’t stop focusing now. In a minute you can scream and shout and yell at her, not now. First you save her, then you kill her.

You see the door of the bunker, it’s open and there’s a guard. You can do this. You have to do this. 

And then you hear the guard, and you recognize him. Blonde hair, fit, tall, it’s Caius. 

«All clear.», he says without looking at you, but it’s impossible he didn’t see two people limping in a desert corridor. You run, but you are not fast enough, and he seems not to mind your “No!”.

And he shuts the door. 

The bunker will be closed in nine seconds.

«What just happened?» Marjorie shouts, shocked. You are upset as well. You look at each other in disbelief. Caius closed the door of the bunker before the timer. Caius closed the door. Caius is a motherfucker! 

You punch the door and shout, and the woman helps you, but it’s all useless, they can’t hear you or Caius is ignoring you.

«He hates me and… we are dead.» You can’t begin to cry, not now. Not yet, maybe you still have a chance.

«He hates you?! What have you done to him that is so bad he wants you dead?» She basically yells, but you can’t blame her for that.

You dismiss her, because you don’t understand either. «I was going to sleep with him and then I didn’t.»

«Little shit.» It’s her comment. You still don’t like her because she tried to manipulate you and you will never forgive her for that, but you can see why Haymitch liked her.

You let her go now, she sits on the floor. You are defeated. 

So this is it. You survived the Hunger Games, hell you survived twenty four years in District 12 to die here. You will die in District 13 now that you have the job that you want, the man that you want, the friends that you want.

«Hell no.» You watch Marjorie and you take her hand. «I’m not dying in this uniform.»

«The door is closed, we can’t go in.» She is right, but there is another chance. You don’t know if you are crazy, it’s probably even heavier and they won’t hear you, but you won’t die without trying.

«There is another bunker. But we have to run.» 

There is just a way you can think of to go down the stairs for Marjorie now, and it’s sit. She has to go down and move with her arms. 

«I will go on and open the door, and then I’ll call someone for you, okay?» You tell her, a little worried. «You go as far as you can.»

«Go, Daisy, one of us can go.» She looks bad. She is tired, fatigued. She is beautiful and you forget it, but she is not twenty anymore and she didn’t see the sunlight for years. Not exactly the strongest person ever. 

«Won’t you just shut up? You are irritating. You are my mom’s best friend. I won’t let you die here.» 

The bunker will be closed in eight seconds. 

You run and shout at the door, you yell so hard your throat hurts. 

It’s all pointless. You will die. You will die with your ex’s lover out of two bunkers because you refused to have sex with a boring vile man. 

You don’t want to die. 

The bunker will be closed in six seconds.

You are about to give up when you hear a sound and you scream even more. When the door opens and you see Finnick Odair you almost cry.

«Daisy?» He can’t believe his eyes. He is right, according to the plan everybody is in the bunker.

«Finnick, we have to save Marjorie.» 

There is no time for explanations. You run to her and quickly get her on your and his shoulders, she is still on top of the stairs. 

The bunker will be closed in four seconds.

You try to walk as fast as you can, and again you see the door, but this time nobody closes the door. You just have to walk.

The bunker will be closed in two seconds.

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[kahlanmars]

— I once was poison ivy but now I'm your Daisy