#he already got 1 free thing and I had to deal with his attitude of being smarmy and gross

[baekuras]

still not over the regular customer yesterday who was so proud to have been given a kids-glasses case for free (probably for being annoying), who was very adamant that my boss isn’t one of my colleagues because he is my BOSS (which fair enough but also this here is way more casual than he may be thinking) and who whined about paying 40cts for smth as a REGULAR and then gave it to me in 1 20ct piece, 1 10ct piece, 1 5ct piece, 2 2ct pieces and 1 1ct piece, looking very smug upon paying me....40cts for something he had to pay for and, idk “outdoing” a 22year old trainee who has been here for not even 3years yet (something he also scoffed at me for-for being “new”)

And if he had paid 200€ in 1ct pieces, we’d just have sat together there until I accurately counted it all out w/out him being allowed to leave, idc I am getting paid to be here till the end of the day-he isn’t

Manchild really

[heavenlymorals]

In Defense of Bill Williamson: A Curious Case Of Hear Me OUT-

Warning: this post contains mentions of rape, homophobia, and period typical attitudes.

The first time I played RDR2, I was very curious and went into Sonny's cabin. If you know, you know.

I was horrified over learning what happened to Arthur and the shock of it all was impalpable. The fact that Rockstar put in such an encounter was diabolical, but either way, it happened, and I was pissed and heartbroken for Arthur. Out of all the encounters that happened in this game, all the awful encounters, this is the only one that did not get a journal entry- mostly likely due to the trauma of getting raped and the shame of it as well- let us not forget that Arthur is a man, a very tough and burly man, living in 1899 America. The likelihood that there would be any support for him is nigh on none.

I fed Sonny to the alligators (obviously) later and more or less forgot about it because I avenged my Arthur.

Then Bill came along.

"I met a guy at the swamp who seemed to know a lot about you. I mean A LOT about you…"

I was pissed and it was the first time in the game that I heard pure, unadulterated hatred in Arthur's voice as he more or less growled at Bill to go away. From then on, I always antagonized Bill for seemingly mocking Arthur like that for getting raped.

But then I played again and again and played Red Dead 1 too and learned that Bill is gay. Even though it isn't said outright, it is implied so heavily that it would be laughable to suggest that he liked women.

So after a while, my reaction to Bill's words changed. I pity him now.

Now I know what you are thinking- Heytham, how the hell can you pity a man who mocked a fucking rape victim?

Because I don't think Bill thought Arthur was raped.

Here is how I came to this conclusion (feel free to disagree with me, but here is how I came to this conclusion):

Being a homosexual in the 1800s was a very isolating and daunting experience, with the threat of jail time and even death. Society was super judgemental and cruel to people who did not fit into what was expected of them, so being a homosexual would feel like hell on Earth because there wasn't a real way to express this attraction beyond longing and secrecy, which would make finding other gay people hard to do.

Beyond just isolation, homosexual actions can ruin careers, which we can assume is one of the reasons that Bill got dishonorably discharged ("deviancy") alongside attempted murder. Crazy to think that "deviancy" is on the same level of attempted murder and was probably shamed more, but that is neither here nor there.

Even the gang wasn't really accepting of Bill's sexuality, which speaks a lot about the gang's supposedly "progressive politics", as they aren't really politically progressive and more so idealistic in the romantic standards of 1800s America. In terms of Bill's sexuality, it felt more like a outta sight, outta mind sort of deal. Bill is the butt of jokes and his sexuality is too ("Is he gonna kiss that guy or punch him", "Bill and Phil", "He likes to do a lot of things with men on their knees (RDR1- John says it to purposely shame Bill more to the people he works with)")).

When his sexuality seems to be a bit more upfront, there is agression and disgust. The biggest example of this is Arthur's reaction to Bill wanting hair pomade. He sounds disgusted and mean and the sneer in his "Yeah, I'll get you your hair pomade…" is very telling that Arthur thinks that Bill is asking him for pomade for gay sex because of the way he reacts to it- he already has a disposition to thinking this is why Bill wants the pomade and it disgusts him, even though he does it anyways.

To give Arthur the benefit of the doubt, I'd be pretty weirded out if someone asked me for lube, but Arthur didn't know if that is what Bill actually wants. He could very well just need it for a job that requires him to look nice, which happens in the ball mission. The point is that he had a disposition and that disposition made him react in not only a bewildered way but a disgusted way. Im serious, just listen to that interaction- I don't think I am reaching.

In any case, it is quite obvious that Bill feels isolated and that isolation makes him awkward and aggressive around men that he does like (Kieran) and overall just angry at the world because of it, amongst other things. He has no one to talk to, no one to relate to, and he is shunned and despaired over something he cannot control.

So then Bill meets Sonny and whatever the hell they did together, Sonny talks about Arthur, and let us be real, what is the likelihood that he would flat out tell Bill that he raped Arthur? Low, I'd think. Most likely, he would just say that the two of them had sex.

Now think about this- Bill has mostly likely lived his entire life hiding his sexuality and only expressing it in secret because if he does otherwise, he will be punished in some form or another. But now he learns that another man in camp, the fucking enforcer of all people, has apparently went to this man for sex.

Do you realize what this means for a gay person? Especially a gay person who lives in a society that actively discourages and punishes same-sex relations? It doesn't necessarily mean that that person would try to drum up a relationship, but there is comfort in the fact that now you know another person who is experiencing the same thing you are- the solidarity in that is priceless. I would know, I come from a culture that still kills gay people.

When Bill comes up to Athur, he genuinely sound giddy, like he found a big secret. There wasn't really any malice in his voice, other than a "haha, guess what I just found out" sort of tone.

When Arthur tells him to get out of there, he didn't seem offended. He didn't seem annoyed or aggressive, which is unusual for Bill. He just puts his hands up in surrender and goes off, almost as if he was saying "hey, I get it man," in the sense that a man during this time period, especially a man like Arthur, wouldn't want to be found out as gay. Internalized homophobia was definietly rampant.

He genuinely doesn't seem to have malice in that tone- Bill only talks like that when he is either excited or happy or acting like a human being. And at this point in the game, Bill still respected Arthur, so I doubt he would want to step on his toes, especially in a way like that.

If I am not talking out of my ass, this could be such a great moment of character development for Bill- sympathy for another man supposedly like him in the world that they lived in. Fucking Bill having sympathy and empathy- who would've thought.

Or he could be mocking Arthur for being a rape victim because Bill is genuinely a piece of shit.

But on the off chance that he does not? What an interesting microcosm of LGBTQ+ dynamics in 1899 America.

In any case, FUCK SONNY AND DONT GET INVITED INTO HOUSES IN THE SWAMPS-

[madlad-sadgal]

Goldenheart AU Pt. 4

Finally got around to doing part 4 of this AU, and this time we are exploring Nimona's backstory. Also, I highly recommend checking out the first three parts otherwise some things might not make sense. (If anyone had already read Part 3 (Bal's backstory) I updated it because I think the story makes more sense like this, so I suggest checking it out again!

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

Well then here we go, Nimona's backstory. And please don't hesitate to add on to this in the tags or replies or send me a message about ideas you might have!

Quick warning, there's discussion of malnourishment at the beginning.

Nimona

Nimona's parents weren't the best really. They neglected their only child and provided only the basic needs they might need to survive, and Child Protective Services were contacted after many people noted how thin and malnourished they were, so they were placed in the foster system

They never stayed with the same family for long, their love for chaos and energetic attitude being too much for many

They adored animals and have often brought home snakes, frogs, etc. They've also tried many times to get into cages at the zoo, which always drove their foster parents crazy.

They had been fostered by these two kind people for around two weeks when a boy around ten years older than them arrived. His name was Ballister.

They had never had to deal with older kids before, much less 16 year old kids, but they assumed scaring him away or infuriating him was going to be as easy as it was with their past foster parents and that he was just an added obstacle

It really wasn't

When they tried getting into the basins at the aquarium, Vivian (foster mother) just snatched them away and brought them to the shark exhibit, something she new they loved and they spend the rest of the day there

When they tried getting into the cages at the zoo, William (foster father) picked them up and brought them either to one of the shows where they could watch birds or into one of those cage tunnels where the lions are all around you

And whenever they messed with Ballister's stuff or stole some things from his room, instead of getting mad, he'd ask them if they wanted to learn how certain things worked or offered to give them the thing they stole (he thought they liked them when it really was just to piss him off)

It was all annoying, the fact that none of them seemed to mind their chaotic nature, but in a way, it was also... freeing?

Before, everyone told them that they would need to act more lady-like in the future or that they needed to "tone it down" basically forcing them to keep all their energy inside until they exploded, usually with anger

Now, they could run around all they wanted and talk for hours at a time about how sharks are cool and someone would be listening at all time

They also really liked Ballister who always shared information he gathered about things they enjoyed and never minded when they corrected him about facts they go wrong

He talked a lot about a past friend of his and swears it was the Ambrosius Goldenloin, but they don't believe him

(They also quickly found out that the best way to piss him off was to play freestyle jazz, but they only took advantage of that a little)

They also quickly realized that they connected with music. Because while Bal preferred the bass and Nimona the drums, those instruments went pretty well together and they always had fun watching videos of combinations of those two

When Nimona turned 7, her biological parents had their rights terminated as they were unfit to care for a child, and Vivian and William offered to adopt them, and it didn't take long for them to agree. It was a long process, but eventually Nimona became their official child, along with Ballister who was adopted by them not long after

When Bal turned 17, a little less than a year after he arrived in the foster home, their foster parents bought him a bass set, and he was absolutely giddy

Nimona may or may not have been sour about it, but their parents promised them that they'd get their drum set one day, so it was fine

Sure enough, around three years later, Nimona got their drum set on their tenth birthday, and Vivian and William never said a thing about the loud banging that could be heard throughout the house while Bal helped them learn

Then, two years later, Bal was 22 and Nimona 12, and they both wanted to help their parents with the rent because money was starting to become rough and Bal saw how it was live on very little money and didn't want to go through that again and Nimona loved their family too much to see it crumble down

They both knew that little jobs at the park or with the mailman wouldn't cut it this time, and they also knew they had talent when it came to their instruments and music, but being just them two wouldn't cut it

That's when they met Meredith Blitzmeyer

Alright, I'm stopping it there, next is Meredith's backstory. Again, don't be afraid to add onto this!

Also, I'm thinking of writing a fanfic about this, so if I did, would anyone be interested in reading it? (I'll most likely write it anyways, but I'm still curious).

[octocracy]

Character info I shared in the IDBD discord.

sleep routine

What routine? He’s got lifelong insomnia problems and deals with this by just… chugging along until he physically cannot stay awake. He has a mattress in his workspace for this reason, though it doesn’t stop him from passing out in his chair if he’s anywhere else. He does his hygiene stuff intermittently but it doesn’t really connect to when he sleeps.

social media

he doesn’t like to be seen on social media, for his image… but he is there, just anonymously/under pseudonyms. He’s primarily on reddit and twitter but, tragically, has been on 4chan. Unlike Batter, he is on tiktok.

trust

He does not trust easily because, yeah, as someone who had relationships with Inklings before the war he feels like he was a naive fool who got burned bad. That said… it would be very hard to get him to betray someone that he did have a trusting relationship with, for the same reason he’s so guarded in the first place— he values loyalty.

bad habits

He almost never calls people by their actual names. It’s not entirely clear whether he doesn’t learn names correctly or if he’s just fucking around.

soft headcanon

Octavio is very affectionate towards the autonomous Octoweapons, and sees them as his children of sorts— on top of his sense of artistic pride for renovating them, the fact that they use his cuttings as wetware mean that they really are his very weird offspring.

learning new things

Shockingly good, though part of this is that he’s willing to sink a huge amount of time into things he’s determined to learn. Not only does he tend to fixate and work tirelessly on one subject at a time, but he can keep something on the backburner for decades. However, when it comes to learning new mindsets… well, it’s what they say about old dogs and new tricks.

favorite music

I’ve joked about him only playing his own music, but when it comes to what he listens to, he’s actually got pretty encyclopedic tastes, but he thirsts for new things above all else. The three threads of his listening habits are 1. keeping tabs on the latest hits 2. delving into the depths of Soundcloud (or whatever the Splooniverse has… Sandcloud) 3. re-listening to the classics he’s collected once enough time has passed that his memory of them has dulled.

getting along with the mun

Eh… probably not. While I can wish I’d be his silly rabbit, I’d probably find him pretty overwhelming and unpleasant to be around, and I don’t know if he’d see anything special in me.

the worst thing to hear

“Your species was doomed 100 years ago, when anyone who could have saved it was killed-- because that person certainly isn’t you.”

[HMM...does he think of himself as responsible for his species being doomed??]

It’s less that and more that he feels like he’s responsible for their survival.

really big “if I can’t do this, no one can” kinda attitude, which is why “you can’t do this” is something he really, really hopes isn’t true.

he’s also got a lot of survivor’s guilt from the war going on and has rose-tinted glasses for the people who died, so there’s a sense of inferiority going on

misc. fact

His sense of taste has gotten pretty busted over time, and his spice tolerance is astronomical.

self destructive tendencies

I’ve already mentioned that his sleep habits are atrocious. I’d call Octavio a “workaholic,” but really he has problems with mood regulation that make stopping a task very difficult for him. He rarely pries himself away for long enough to take care of his physical needs in this state-- and then, when he’s crashed, he’s not really any better. For someone who should be thankful for every day he hasn’t keeled over from age, he seems to be taking it for granted with how weak his attempts to keep it this way are.

octoling deserters

very mixed feelings, he is SO into the idea of saying fuck the rules and grabbing the future you want with your own hands, but the idea of being free being dependent on like, renouncing your culture and making yourself a Budget Inkling sits very badly with him

declaring war

He is literally always declaring war the Inklings just haven’t noticed.

against the GCR? he doesn’t really have a reason to at this point, and doesn’t have an army either

but it’s not like they have an army either

if he can assemble a giant mech in his garage he might reconsider and start looking for a reason, but his reasons for declaring war on Inkopolis are 1. taking their resources for the Octarians 2. a little bit of revenge

and unless they overhaul the portals so they can go to other worlds intentionally, nothing he could loot would be of any benefit to the Octarians

[this is true. though i imagine some people might suspect that the idea that you can't go back is a lie]

If he did, he’d still be thinking about getting back home first

I think he’d only consider starting international incidents if the circumstances changed in some way. And he pulls off making a giant mech in his garage. 

hate language

Batter’s is Physical Punch and Octavio’s is Horrible Time

Octavio does insult people all the time but it doesn’t actually signify a deeper hate, he just says words recreationally.

family

Octavio’s parent is long dead, and they had a… distant and uncomfortable relationship, but I don’t know how to explain it much better than I did in my loredump 

They’re one of the people that he sees with major rose-tinted glasses in hindsight, and kind of… remade himself in the image of.

murder

Octavio has killed people before but honestly... he's pretty squeamish about doing it again, in large part due to cephalopod resilience meaning that even pretty extreme violence doesn't result in death for them. He's cool throwing hands with 14 year-olds because they're made of goo and he's secure that they're going to walk away from it. Smashing a vertebrate into a puddle is significantly more gross and bad to him. He'd need to feel like it's very important.

He does love casually threatening to kill people, though. Which might cause some dangerous misunderstandings.

[in which the setting accumulates djs capable of murder]

octavio: hey when i'm exploding people its all safe and shit

but yeah he did do samurai shit back in the day so he has a modest body count

i've seen the horrors of war which is why now when im dueling i put a respawn point in there

embarassment

Octavio makes a point to not dance in front of others, or sing ever. He also hates when people watch him shapeshift, because he’s very slow and kind of shaky— since that’s a skill Octolings usually have mastered in childhood, the impression this gives off is kind of,

[tricksters-captain]

Bucky Barnes Imagines - Some Sunny Day Part 1

AN: My Marvel obsession has been lying dormant since Endgame finished but Wandavision and Falcon and Winter Soldier have brought it back to life.... This is going to be a series based off the show. Kind of like my ‘Oh Dear’ fic, it’s the series with an added characters and story lines. 

Summary: Before the Blip, you and Bucky were close. After you both returning and Tony’s funeral, you decided to go back to your home town to spend time with your family. When duty calls, you return.  

In this chapter: You reunite with Sam and Bucky (Based on S1 EP2)

Pairing(s): Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader, Sam Wilson x Platonic!Reader

Word Count: 6,883

Warnings: Spoilers for episode 2, strong language, violence. 

You and Bucky had always been close. 

You were close with Steve before Bucky joined the avengers and you fought on Steve’s side during the small civil war between the avengers. 

Steve was your best friend and Sam always knew how to make you smile but there was something about Bucky that was different to the rest of the avengers. 

You had spent some time in Wakanda with Bucky at Steve’s request and you two had always fought side by side and it crushed Steve when you both taken during the blip and he wasn't. 

When you returned, you were thrust back into battle almost immediately. The final fight against Thanos which resulted in you losing Tony and then Steve. 

Nothing seemed to matter except the fact you had been gone for 5 whole years. You had missed 5 whole years with your friends and family. They had changed whilst you were gone and you came back the same as you left.

When Steve returned the infinity stones, he hadn’t given you warning that he wasn’t coming back the same age he was going in but he had warned Bucky. They had spoken about it before apparently and after everything, you felt kind of betrayed. 

You knew you’d never understand Steve’s choice but it was his choice. You were just upset Bucky didn’t warn you. 

You returned to your home town after that day. 

You returned to find some people had changed and some hadn’t but you knew you wanted to be around and spend time with them. 

After all the years fighting for the avengers and only calling every once in a blue moon. It seemed to finally dawn on you that you should spend time with them whilst you still could. 

However, that only lasted around 6 months before you found yourself answering a phone call from Sam. 

You were at a birthday party for one of your old school friend’s daughters when you felt your phone go off. 

You put down one of the little girls who had be asking you a hundred questions about being apart of the avengers and excused yourself from the party. 

“Tell me why I got an awful feeling when I saw your caller ID come up on my phone.” You answered, folding your free hand under your arm as you leant against the wall. 

“It’s cause your subconscious is reminding you about that one time you said no when I asked you out on a date and you regret that now.”  Sam’s voice instantly made you crack a smile. 

“Or maybe it’s because every time I get a call from you it’s to do with the world ending or something worse.” You shot back. 

“It’s good to hear your voice too.” Sam chuckled at your comment before he had responded. 

“So what’s going on? I haven’t heard much from you in months.” You asked. 

“That’s around the time you up and left us for the old way of living.” Sam reminded you that you were the one that decided to go cold agent and return home. 

“There isn’t anything wrong with a little quiet.” You told him as you looked back through the window to the children that were the opposite of quiet. 

“No there isn't.” Sam agreed, “However, I got a situation here at the moment that I could really use your help with.”

“I guess it’s a bit bigger than the usual military op or you wouldn’t be calling?” You frowned. You were in the loop enough to know Sam had been apart of the airforce these past 6 months and had been taking part in frequent missions but nothing that concerned you. 

“I’m sending you over the details now. I’d appreciate it if you could come.” Sam sent you through a file and you pulled your phone away from your ear to open it. 

“You don’t need to convince me, Sam. I’ll be there since I know you wouldn’t ask unless it was serious.” You answered honestly. 

“Guess I’ll be seeing you soon then.” You could practically hear Sam’s smirk through the phone.

“Depends how quick I can get a bag together and your jet can get me to you.” You told him as you picked up your jacket from the coat rack. 

“Well it’s no Red Wing but it’s pretty fast.” Sam stated. “Oh and (Y/n)... You haven’t seen the news in the past hour or so, have you?”

“No? Why?” You frowned at the hesitation in Sam’s voice. 

“Just... take a look.” Sam told you before you ended the call. 

You opened up the news on your phone and what you saw made your mouth go dry and your stomach drop. 

‘JOHN WALKER; NEW CAPTAIN AMERICA’

You felt an anger rise up in you as you watched the wannabe waltz onto screen with Steve’s shield in his paws. 

When Sam gave up the shield, you didn’t know how to feel at first but now... now you weren’t surprised Sam didn’t elaborate on what he wanted you to see.

You said your apologies and your goodbyes pretty swiftly and you had already stashed an emergency bag ready to go under your bed so you were soon on your way.

It didn’t take terribly long to get to the air base where Sam was waiting for you. 

“Who the hell is this guy and why is he calling himself the new Captain America?” 

“Nice to see you too.” Sam wasn’t surprised at the attitude once you stepped off the plane.

“Sam, first you call me up to help deal with this wannabe terrorist group and now I just find out that Steve’s shield, which you gave up, is being held by some wannabe superhero.” You dumped your bag on the floor as you closed the gap between you and Sam.

“Trust me, I’m not happy about it either and I knew nothin about it but we have bigger fish to fry right now so can we cut the dramatic and get to actually saying hello?” Sam stared down at you with his hands on his hips. 

You sighed and gave in.

You wrapped your arms around the man and hugged him warmly.

“I’m sorry. I just––”

“–I know.” Sam didn’t need your apology. He understood how you were feeling. You both loved Steve so much. 

“Miss (Y/N)(Y/L/N), it’s a pleasure to meet you.” A voice brought your attention away from Sam to a man approaching you both. 

“(Y/n), Torres. Torres, (Y/n).” Sam introduced you to the uniformed man and you shook his hand politely. 

“Nice to meet you.” You weren’t sure if you had gotten used to the way most civilians looked at you after you became apart of the avengers. When you joined you didn’t realise becoming famous would be apart of the gig.

“I’m sorry to interrupt but Miss (Y/L/N) has to come with me to get logged into the clearance system and sort out a couple things.” Torres pointed over his shoulder as he explained. 

“And by that he means sign an autograph for his kid sister.” Sam teased the man. 

“What?” Torres’ cheeks tinged pink. “No!”

“It’s alright. Lead the way.” You picked up your bag and sent a quick smile to Sam before turning back to Torres. “Oh and you can call me (Y/n) by the way.” 

It didn’t take too long for Torres to fill you in on Sam’s plan for the mission as he logged in a few details so you could have clearance around the airbase. 

You did end up signing an autograph after a little tiptoeing around the question and then by the time you walked back out into the open you spotted someone you hadn’t expected to see. 

It was Bucky. 

“Looking good for a senior citizen.” You spoke up as you approached Sam and Bucky. 

Bucky had his back to you but the sound of your voice soon paused his conversation with Sam and he spun around. 

“Hey Buck.” You smiled but you couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous. “Long time no see.” 

“(Y/n).” Bucky stepped forward and wrapped his arms around you. 

You chuckled at his tight embrace but hugged him back just as tight all the same. 

“You, uh, you look good.” Bucky cleared his throat as he pulled away from you. 

“If you’ll excuse us, Casanova, we got places to be.” Sam tried to pull you away from Bucky but Bucky only followed. 

“I’m coming with you.” Bucky announced. 

“No, you’re not!” Sam argued. 

You hadn’t missed the men’s bickering...

In spite of Sam’s protest, Bucky ended up on the flight anyway. 

“So how’s it been away from the Avengers?” Bucky asked you as you both prepared for the mission.

Sam was up with Torres in the cockpit so you and Bucky were alone for the first time since you saw each other.

“It’s been okay. Spending time at home. Doing non-hero regular folk stuff.” You chuckled weakly as you pulled off your sweater. Bucky’s eyes fell to your chest as you had only wore a vest underneath. You felt your cheeks burn as you pretended not to notice.

“Uh, same.” Bucky cleared his throat before he spoke.. “Been strange without you around.”

“Buck, you know I needed time away from everything. From Sam, from you... After Steve, I...” You let your words drop away. 

There was a short silence before Bucky decided to change the subject.

“I’ve been seeing a therapist. Court mandated. She’s got me doing this whole redemption thing. Contacting people in my past. Making things right.” 

“And how’s that going for you?” You couldn’t help but smirk slightly at the idea of Bucky forcing himself to face his past at the request of a therapist. 

“Well I have three rules I’m meant to stick to and let’s say I’m not exactly following them closely.” Bucky admitted as he folded his hoodie.

“Does your therapist know that?” You cocked an eyebrow at the man with a light amused expression.

“What do you think.” Bucky smirked back at you.

“Be careful. I might tell on you.” You sighed playfully. 

“You’re actually on the list.” Bucky suddenly confessed. “I wanted to make things right after...” Bucky paused for a moment. “...After Steve. I should have warned you. Should have told you the truth.” 

“Bucky.” You stopped him. “It’s okay. Steve made a choice and he chose to talk to you about it. You’re his best friend and the only other person on the team who could’ve really understood why he did what he did. I’m not holding it against you.” 

“I’m still sorry.” Bucky looked you in the eyes as he spoke, “You were with him for so long when I wasn’t around. You should’ve got a real warning.” 

“Thanks Buck.” You pressed your lips into a brief sad smile before looking down at your boots. 

“I’ve really missed you, (Y/n).” Bucky uttered. 

“I really missed you too.” You stopped tying your lace to look up at the man. 

His short hair had really revealed his face and you couldn’t help but notice every part of it. The lines by his eyes when he smiled, the curve of his lips, the shadow that was just coming on.

You straightened up and stepped towards the man. 

“I like the new haircut by the way.” You reached up and let your fingers brush the top of his forehead. “Makes you look almost like a civilian.” 

Bucky couldn’t help but feel his body tense under your touch. 

“You look tired though.” You let your hand drop down to his cheek. “Not been sleeping well?”

Bucky forced himself to move away from your touch.

“Bad dreams.” Bucky murmured. 

“I figured therapy might have been helping you with those.” You frowned, “I remember sharing wake up duty with Steve like it was yesterday.”

“Every time it was your turn you’d make hot coco.” Bucky reminded you. It brought back images of you and Bucky sat in a small kitchen drinking hot chocolate that you had made despite Bucky’s insisting that he didn’t want any. 

“Seems like a lifetime ago.” You smiled but the memories only made you feel dismal. It seemed those were simpler times. Steve was still around, at least. 

Bucky handed you your jacket in the silence and you took it gratefully.

“I’m not interrupting something, am I?” Sam said rather loudly as he climbed down the ladder. 

“No, we were just getting ready which is what you should be doing.” You picked up Sam’s bag and tossed it to him which he caught effortlessly. “I’m going to check a few things with Torres. Try not to kill each other whilst I’m gone.” 

Bucky watched you climb the ladder up to the cockpit and Sam watched Bucky. 

“I’ll never understand why you won’t just shoot your shot with the girl.” Sam shook his head as he opened his duffle. 

“Shoot my what?” Bucky glared over at the man with confusion clear in his eyes. 

“Your shot, man. (Y/n) has clearly been in love with you since Steve dragged your ass onto the team. What she sees in you compared to this, I’ll never understand but she clearly sees something.” Sam had gestured to himself when he spoke but Bucky just rolled his eyes. 

“Maybe instead of talking about (Y/n), you should actually tell me what the plan is?” Bucky suggested as he zipped up his jacket securely. 

“How about you stop avoiding your feelings?” Sam retorted which made Bucky shut up and sit down. 

“I’m not avoiding my feelings.” Bucky grumbled as he glared at the man. 

“Yeah right.” Sam scoffed, shaking his head as he started to change. 

You didn’t return to the boys until you were approaching the drop off. 

“(Y/n), you’ll be out first.” Torres explained as you put in your ear piece, trying your hardest to ignore Bucky and Sam starring daggers at each other behind you. 

“Great. See you on the ground, fellas.” You jumped from the aircraft just as you heard Bucky ask what the plan was in your earpiece. 

You had to jump earlier then the men since you were approaching the building from another angle but that didn’t mean you couldn’t hear them bicker still on the aircraft. 

When you reached the warehouse, you remained hidden in the trees. You watched several people start to load two trucks with large boxes. 

“You’re doing the staring thing again. They’re in there.” You heard Sam’s voice in your earpiece. He must have been talking to Bucky inside the warehouse. 

“Where’s the guy?” Bucky asked. 

“I don’t know. I think they’re smuggling weapons, though.” Sam responded before you could. 

“Well, I think you could be right.” Bucky agreed with a passive aggressive tone. “But there’s only one way to find out. I see a clear path. I say we take it.”

“We’re not assassins.” Sam argued with Bucky.

“I’ll see you inside or not.” Bucky must've walked away from what you could hear. 

“Hey, come on, man. I’m just messing with you! Come back.” You could practically see Sam’s smile in your head.

“If you guys are done, I have a visual on the targets. They’re loading up two red trucks.”

“We’re moving up now.” Bucky replied to you. 

“Look at you. All stealthy.” Sam was teasing him. “A little time in Wakanda and you come out White Panther.”

“It’s actually White Wolf.” Bucky corrected him and Sam’s reaction almost made you laugh out loud. 

You tried to move closer to the trucks to see exactly what was going inside but it was risky with the group constantly checking around them. 

“All right, I’m inside. Therefore, way ahead of you. It’s not great, but very doable.” Bucky’s voice came up again. “Hello. How are you?” Bucky sounded irritated. Sam must've snuck up on him. 

“Good. What did I miss? Nothing.” Sam whispered back. 

“All right, let’s go.” Bucky commanded but Sam stopped him. 

“No, wait.”

“I got a vibranium arm. I can take them.” Bucky held up his arm as he fought against Sam’s halt.

“And I can fly. Who gives a shit?” Sam muttered. “Wait. I want to see where they’re going.”

“Guys I may not be in the same location as you but I can hear everything you’re saying so quick the arguing” You whispered lowly as you kept your eyes trained on the trucks. 

You tried to zone out the boys bickering as you crept forward. A crashing noise from inside the warehouse made you jump back and hide as the flash smasher members all stopped and looked. 

“Be careful.” You hissed at the both of them.

“It wasn’t my fault.” Bucky tried to defend himself but frankly you didn't care. The trucks were staring to close up and their engines switched on. 

You watched the people pile into the trucks and you dived over, taking hold of the backdoors and clinging on. 

“They have a hostage.” Sam told you as the trucks drove off with you attached. 

“Then get moving.” You commanded. You pulled open the door you were hanging to and opened it. 

“No sight of a hostage in here.” You informed Sam as you looked around. “Just boxes of vaccines.” 

“I found her.” Bucky must've gotten inside the other truck. “Hi. You okay?” Bucky’s voice was then followed by a crashing sound. 

However, you had your own problems... 

You heard a loud bang behind you and you turned to see two men at the end of the truck. They both had masks on. 

“Cute masks.” You taunted them before they charged at you. 

You threw three knives at them, two managed to hit one of the men in the thigh and chest but the second man had knocked the third one away. 

You went to attack the uninjured one first as he drew closer, you punched him but he was strong. He didn’t even flinch. 

You felt a small panic in your chest as you started to fight. He was taking moves that would usually floor someone like he was being attacked by a pillow. 

You managed to get him to the ground by wrapping your thighs around his neck and flipping him over you before you threw another knife at the injured soldier. He seemed to retreat, climbing out of the truck and onto the roof. 

“Could use some back up, Sam!” You called out as you followed. 

You climbed up onto the roof and the first soldier chased after you. The injured one grabbed hold of Bucky along with a third guy and so you were left with the big one. 

You heard Redwing shooting at the roof before you saw it but a redheaded female smashed it in half like it was but a plastic toy. 

With that, Sam finally swooped in and started throwing punches. 

He was thrown to the other roof as you continued to fight your own battle. You were getting tired and his punches seemed to only be getting stronger and more painful each time.

You pulled out another knife but he grabbed your wrist and squeezed. You couldn’t help but cry out at the pressure, you dropped it before he could break your wrist. 

Then suddenly a helicopter appeared from what seemed like nowhere. Cap’s shield bounced off one of Sam’s attackers as two new bodies joined the fight. 

The distraction allowed you to kick your attacker off the truck and start to help Bucky. 

“Sam, John Walker; Captain America.” 

“Lemar Hoskins.”

“Looks like you guys could use some help.” Walker and his sidekick introduced themselves. 

 A surge of rage from the introduction of ‘Captain America’ helped you regain some adrenaline. You turned and started to fight once again. 

You let yourself become distracted as Bucky fell from the side of the truck which allowed one of the guys to send you off the truck too.

Sam was quick to fall back with his suit and grab you before you hit the concrete road. However, the impact of him grabbing you did leave you winded. 

“Bucky.” You wheezed as the man settled you on the side of the road. 

Sam flew up and chased after the trucks. 

You took a moment, wincing at your aching body before you rose to your feet and took off in their direction. 

You couldn’t catch up to the trucks but it didn’t take long to find Bucky and Sam once you spotted they were both coming out of a field. 

“If someone told me I’d be fighting a whole bunch of super soldiers today I would’ve wore my nice pants.” You stated as you approached the two men.

“We knew they were strong but not like this.” Sam defended himself from your anger. 

“One of those guys took a knife to the chest and could still walk away.” You threw your arms up as you informed him. This was so much worse than the documents had described. 

“It’s going to take a lot more than just a knife to stop these guys.” Bucky’s eyes seemed to carry a storm as he thought. 

“How can this be possible? I thought the super soldier serum was gone. What happened in Siberia was supposed to have put an end to it all.” You remembered the failed super soldiers as clear as day. 

“We know about as much as you, (Y/n). Unless you tried to, you know, your weird seeing thing?” Sam asked.

“No. It takes it out of me and I can’t do it whilst I’m trying to fight for my life so.” You shook your head as you walked beside the men. Whilst you weren’t as powerful as some of the Avengers, you were a great assassin like Natasha Romanoff. Your talent was your knife throwing but under all the training and all the knowledge, there was a gift. A gift you’d had since birth.

If you touched someone, you could see their entire past, everything they had experienced up until that moment. It really drained you of your energy and over the years you trained yourself so that you could switch it on and off so it didn’t happen every time you touched someone but when you did use it, it usually required a lie down afterwards. 

“Sorry about Redwing.” Bucky spoke up after a moment of silence. 

“No, you’re not.” Sam rolled his eyes at the fake apology before asking: “What’s going on in that big cyborg brain of yours?”

“It’s computing.” Bucky grumbled. 

“You know what? I can actually see it. I can see the gears turning. Oh, they’re malfunctioning, shutting down. Yep, they’re on fire.” Sam couldn’t help but make fun of Bucky which only made you walk ahead of the men. You weren’t in the mood for this.

“We gotta figure out where the serum’s coming from.” You said to stop their silliness. 

“Yeah. And how in the hell after 80 years are there eight Super Soldiers runnin’ loose?” Sam agreed with you just as a transport vehicle began to pull up along side him. 

“So that didn’t go as planned, huh?” John Walker’s voice penetrated the space like a foul smelling fart. 

He opened the truck’s door to allow you all to hop in but you all ignored him. 

“Alright. Let’s keep going.” He told the driver before directing his attention back to you. “Look, at least we know what we’re up against now, huh? And we’re pretty sure it’s one of the Big Three, so…”

"Aliens, androids, or wizards?” Sam spoke up just to prove to Bucky that others knew of the ‘Big Three.’

“Pretty sure.” Walker nodded.

“There’s no such thing as wizards.” Bucky exclaimed which made you cock an eyebrow at the man. You clearly missed a conversation here. 

“Then it’s aliens, or androids.” Walker shrugged as if it were obvious.

“––Or Super Soldiers.” Sam added. 

“Shit. Super Soldiers, for real?” Walker’s colleague responded with the reaction you just about expected. 

“Yeah.” Sam confirmed. 

“Wow. All right, well, then we gotta work together.” Walker’s eyebrows rose as he spoke. 

“That’s not happening.” Bucky declared.

“I think we stand a much better chance if we all just––”

“––Just ’cause you carry that shield, it doesn’t mean you’re Captain America.” Bucky cut Walker short and you were grateful for it. The man was making your head ache. 

“Look, I’ve done the work, okay?” Walker sighed. 

“You ever jump on top of a grenade?” Bucky shot back but he wasn't met with the answer he wanted. 

“Yeah. Actually, I have. Four times. It’s a thing I do with my helmet. It’s a reinforced helmet. It’s a long story, but, any… Look, it’s 20 miles to the airport. You guys need a ride.” Walker got his driver to stop. “Get in.” 

You looked back at Sam and Bucky. You hadn’t said anything yet which Sam thought was a record of yours. You chose to give in and climbed into the truck with Bucky and Sam since your body was already aching from the previous fight. 

“Okay, so we’ve got eight Super Soldiers on a bulk supply run. Why?” Walker asked, his eye on you as you sat in between Bucky and Sam. 

“They say their mission is to get things back to the way it was during the Blip. Maybe they’re just trying to help.” Sam told Walker what he knew. 

“They had a funny way of showing it.” Bucky grimaced as a bruise on his face started to form. 

“That serum doesn’t exactly have a great track record. No offence.” Walker looked over at Bucky as he hinted at the winter soldier. 

“We need to figure out where they’re going.” You wanted to shift the attention away from Bucky. 

“She speaks? I have to admit I was starting to wonder.” Walker smiled at you which only made you want to punch him even more than you already did.  

“How’d you track ’em here? The Flag Smashers?” Sam could tell you were a second away from decking the new Captain America and hopping ship so carried on the conversation. 

“Uh, no, we didn’t track them, we tracked you, uh, through Redwing.” Hoskins notified Sam. 

“You hacked my tech?” Sam was beyond irritated at this point. 

“Sorry. It’s not exactly hacking. It’s government property. Kind of the government.” Walker laughed as he gestured to himself. “Does he always just stare like that?” He stopped laughing under Bucky’s stare. 

“You get used to it.” Sam muttered. 

“Okay, look, you know, things have gotten kind of, uh––”

“––Chaotic.”Hoskins helped Walker find the word. 

“Yeah.” Walker cleared his throat. “The GRC, they’re doing the best they can to get things up and running smoothly, post Blip.”

“Reactivating citizenship, social security, healthcare. Basically just managing resources for the refugees who were displaced by the return.” Hoskins tried filling you in as if you hadn't heard about it before. The GRC propaganda was plastered across all the cities in America. 

“The Global Repatriation Council does all that. We understand but why exactly are you two here?” You questioned, cocking your head towards Walker. 

“Well, they provide the resources and we keep things stable.” Hoskins replied first.

“Yeah, violent revolutionaries aren’t usually good for anyone’s cause.” Walker added on. 

“Usually said by the people with the resources.” Sam smirked at the men. 

“Well, we got a lot of resources. If you guys, if you joined up with us, we could––”

“––No.” Bucky shut Walker down immediately. 

“I got mad respect for both of y’all. But you were getting your asses kicked till we showed up.” Hoskins wasn’t helping the situation. 

“Who are you?” Bucky asked genuinely. 

“Lemar Hoskins.” Hoskins introduced himself once again. 

“Look, I see a guy hanging out of a helicopter in tactical gear, I need a lot more than Lemar Hoskins.” Sam backed Bucky up on that one. A name was nothing in this situation.

“I’m Battlestar. John’s partner.” Hoskins nodded towards Walker and you couldn't stop the smile that spread across your lips when Bucky responded. 

“Battlestar? Stop the car!” Bucky called up ahead. 

The car slowed as it pulled into a bus stop. Bucky pushed open the door and you followed. You couldn't stand sitting in front of that man in that uniform another second longer. 

"Look, I… I get it, okay? I get the attitude, I do. You didn’t think that the shield was gonna end up here. I get it, Bucky. And I’m… “ Walker turned back to Sam. “I’m not trying to be Steve. I’m not trying to replace Steve. I’m just trying to be the best Captain America I can be. That’s it. It’d be a whole lot easier if I had Cap’s wingmen on my side.” 

Sam scoffed at Walker’s choice of words. Wingmen? He really had the audacity. 

“It’s always that last line.” Sam jumped out of the vehicle and followed you and Bucky. 

Once back on the aircraft you stripped of your weapons and jacket. 

Sam and Bucky did the same. 

You sat down on your seat and rested your head back against the wall. You needed an ice bath. Your muscles were screaming at you. 

“You alright?” Sam asked Bucky as he sat, his eyes locked on the floor. 

You opened your eyes to look over at the men. 

“Let’s take the shield, Sam. Let’s take the shield and do this ourselves.” Bucky sounded pretty decided. 

“We can’t just run up on the man, beat him up, and take it. Do you remember what happened the last time we stole it?” Sam sat up slowly as he furrowed his brow at the idea.

“Maybe.” Bucky grumbled. 

“I’ll help you in case you forgot.” Sam proclaimed, “Sharon was branded enemy of the state, and Steve and I were on the run for two years. I don’t know about you, but I don’t wanna live the rest of my life la vida loca. We just got our ass handed to us by Super Soldiers, and we got nothing.” 

Even though you did spend some time in Wakanda under protection from their government, there was a period where you were on the run with Steve and Sam and it wasn’t fun. Being pardoned after the fight against Thanos was one of the best things that happened to you; it’s what allowed you to go home. 

“Not entirely true.” Bucky pushed himself onto his feet. “There is someone that you should meet.” 

Bucky’s eyes met yours and you knew who he was talking about. 

You had seen Bucky's past. Everyone of Bucky’s memories. You had seen all the death and the pain and the fighting. You had seen the Winter Soldier and pre-world war Bucky and you had suffered for it for some time. Nightmares used to plague you but you had managed to block most stuff from your mind over the years. Especially the Winter Soldier memories because that wasn’t really Bucky; that was a weapon made by Hydra. 

You had been forced by the team to check his memories to see if he really had bombed the UN but you couldn't choose how far you looked back, you gift made you see everything from the earliest childhood memory up to that moment. 

You stood and approached Bucky.

“Are you sure about this?” You whispered, taking hold of Bucky’s forearm as you pulled him to one side.

“He should know.” Bucky’s eyes seemed so sure. You dropped your hand down from his arm to his hand and gave it a squeeze. 

“Alright then.” You pressed your lips into a thin line as you accepted his choice. 

Soon enough the route was changed and the plane turned. 

“Will you come?” Bucky asked as the door to the plane opened. 

“I’ll wait here but call me if you need me.” You didn’t feel like seeing Isaiah. Some of the time if something from Bucky’s past showed up it could trigger his memories in your own head which you didn’t particularly enjoy. 

“Alright.” Bucky sighed but left without you. 

Only a short while later you had received a phone call from Sam. 

“Hello?” You answered. 

“It’s Bucky. He’s been arrested. There was a warrant out for his arrest.” Sam informed you. 

“Why?” You were confused. Bucky had been pardoned like the rest of you for his crimes and his warrant wiped. 

“He missed his therapy session or something. I’m heading back to your, we gotta go get him out.” Sam hung up pretty quickly. 

“Why didn’t you tell anyone about the super solider?” Sam asked you as you made your way to the station. 

“I only knew because I’ve been inside Bucky’s head but if I listed off every single person Bucky has fought or killed or wronged it would take me a while.” You hated admitting that but the Winter Soldier had done a lot of damage. 

“But this was a black super soldier who rotted behind bars for years! Being experimented on like a lab rat whilst Steve sat in the ice and Bucky ran around playing secret assassin!” Sam was angry and you understood why. 

“I didn’t know he was in prison. I only knew of him as the guy Bucky fought in Goyang and lost. I figured if Bucky wanted him found then he would say. It’s not my place, they’re not my memories.” You tried to defend yourself but you knew Sam would never understand your logic. 

“How can I trust you if you’re sitting on information like that?” Sam catechised you. 

“Because you’ve trusted me for years. I say what needs to be said and if it isn't useful to us at the time then I don’t bring it up. I have so much inside of here from people that aren’t even around more. When I go inside someone’s head the memories don’t just go away. Sometimes it’s hard to tell who’s memories I’m thinking of when I look back on things. I block what I can and deal with what I can’t.” You stopped Sam in the hallway as you snapped. You couldn’t believe he was questioning whether he could trust you or not after everything. 

“I know it can be hard for you. I can’t imagine what its like but there are some things more important than others and Isaiah. Isaiah is one of them.” Sam’s words just made you turn and head to the desk. 

You tried to get as much information about Bucky but all they instructed you to do was sit and wait. 

“Sam?” A woman approached you and Sam. You lifted your head up at the sound of her voice. “I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Dr. Raynor. I’m James’s therapist.” 

You shook hands with the woman and introduced yourself. 

“I’ve heard some about you too.” Dr. Raynor smiled as she greeted you. 

“Thank you for getting him out.” Sam thanked her as he shook her hand but she only furrowed her brow. 

“That was not me.” She told you both. 

“Christina!” You didn’t need super hearing to recognise that voice. “Good to see you again!” Walker was signing autographs as he entered the station. 

“You gotta be kidding me. You know him?” Sam only said what you were thinking. 

“Yeah, we did some field ops back in the day.” Dr Raynor looked between Sam and Walker. 

“I heard you were working with Bucky, so I thought I’d step in.” Walker approached her which made you stepped back. “Bucky’s not gonna be following a strict schedule any longer.”

“We haven’t finished our work. Who authorized this?” Dr Raynor protested. 

“Um…” Walker pointed to himself. You felt a fire flare inside of you. “He’s too valuable of an asset to have tied up. Just do whatever you got to do with him, then send him off to me. Got some unfinished business, him and I.”

Walker then pointed to you and Sam. 

“You too, Wilson. (Y/l/n). I’ll be outside.” Walker backed away, sending a wink in your direction. 

You felt Sam take hold of your wrist quickly before you could even take the chance to lunge forward. 

“Breathe.” Sam told you. “We’ll deal with that asshole later.” 

Bucky was allowed through and Dr Raynor approached him immediately.

“James, condition of your release, session now. You too, Sam.” She insisted as she headed back towards the cells from which Bucky had just come from. 

“That’s okay. I’ll be out here with (Y/n).” Sam brushed off the offer except it wasn’t an offer. 

“That wasn’t a request.” Dr Rayor warned him. 

You pushed the man forward. 

“Quicker you’re in, quicker you’re out.” You told him. 

“Why doesn’t she want you?” Sam pouted. 

“Get moving before I get bored and decide to use John Walker out there as my new punching bag. Get myself in trouble.” You tried to make the man laugh but failed. He only groaned and dragged himself inside. 

It didn’t take long for Sam to storm out of there who was swiftly followed by Bucky. 

“Hey, you okay?” You asked Sam as he returned to you. 

“Peachy.” He sneered.

You sighed and followed both men outside. 

“Well, I feel better.” Sam announced once you were all finally outside. 

“I feel awful.” Bucky muttered which made you want to take his hand but you refrained as a siren drew your attention over to Walker and his buddy. 

“Gentlemen. Lady. Good to see you again.” Walker had a smile on that you wanted to wipe clean off. “ Look, if we divide ourselves, we don’t stand a chance, you guys know that.” 

“Well do you have anything that’s actually useful?” You folded your arms across your chest as you closed in on the men.  

"Well, the leader’s name’s Karli Morgenthau. We’ve been targeting civilians who’ve been helping Karli move from place to place.” Walker started. 

“They geotagged a location, then scrambled the signal. But our satellites have found their symbol popping up in various displaced communities all across Central and Eastern Europe.” Hoskins continued. 

“We think she’s taking the medicine she just stole to one of these camps.” Walker finished. 

“Well, there are hundreds of those all over the planet since the Blip. So I guess you’ll have to look real hard.” Bucky’s glowered at the man as he leant on the cop car. 

“Good thing I have 20/20 vision, huh?” Walker smirked as he snapped back. 

“Where is she now, Walker? Do you know?” Bucky rose his voice. 

“No, we don’t know, Bucky. It’s only a matter of time before we find out.” Walker rose his voice also. 

“Things are really intense for you, aren’t they, Walker?” Bucky was being cocky. You had to stop yourself from finding it amusing. 

“Take it easy. Look, Walker’s right. It is imperative that we find them and stop them. But you guys have rules of engagement and all kind of authorizations you have to get. We’re free agents. We’re more flexible. So it wouldn’t make sense for us to work with you.” Sam interrupted and seemed to clear the air a little. You took his last words as a chance to leave but Walker wasn’t done.

“A word of advice, then.” Walker stopped you all. “Stay the hell out of my way.”

You watched the two men walk away. Your jaw clenching together to stop you from saying something you’d regret. 

“Come on.” Sam urged you on and you forced yourself to walk away. 

Once you were far enough from the station Sam asked you both what you were thinking. 

“Well, I know what we have to do. When Isaiah said ‘my people’...” Bucky was the one of out you both to speak first. 

“Oh, don’t take that to heart. That’s not what he meant.” Sam began. 

“No, he meant HYDRA. HYDRA used to be my people.” Bucky corrected him. 

“Not a chance.” You shook your head, putting your foot down. 

“Walker doesn’t have any leads.” Bucky claimed. 

“Bucky, I know where you’re going with this and I’m saying no.” You couldn’t believe he was even suggesting it. 

“He knows all of HYDRA’s secrets.” Bucky tried to reason with you. 

“Don’t you remember Siberia?” Sam also knew exactly what Bucky meant. 

Bucky nodded. 

“So you’re just gonna go sit in a room with this guy?” Sam stared at Bucky with a mixture of shock and concern. 

“Yes.” Bucky was hesitant to answer which only made you hate this idea even more. 

“Okay, then.” Sam sighed. “We’re gonna go see Zemo.” 

“No! No, we aren’t not going to see Zemo!” You demanded causing both the boys to stop. 

“(Y/n), it’s different now.” Bucky declared. 

“It’s the only lead we got.” Sam was actually on Bucky’s side. 

“What? And you think he’s just gonna help us like that?” You scoffed out of disbelief. 

“We have to try.” Bucky started to walk again. 

“I trust this guy about as far as I can throw him, Buck!” You exasperated. 

“That’s more than me.” Sam murmured but you chose to ignore it. 

“(Y/n). We’re going.” Bucky wasn't arguing anymore. It was going to happen. 

(PART 2 HERE)

Bucky Barnes Tags

@florencxs​ @mystictimetravelcolor​ @yourphotographyteen16​ @shannon-posts​​ @darkbluenovember @sexwithhiddlesbatch​

[kiatheinsomniac]

1. I LOVE your writing! You're amazing! 2. If it's not too much trouble, could I request something where Ezio's wife is feeling quite insecure because she feels like she isn't as good as some of the other women Ezio has "been" with like Caterina and Ezio is trying to assure her that she shouldn't feel like that

Of course!! Sorry that it's taken me so long to get round to this, I've hardly been active on Tumblr at all in quite a while but I miss it here :(

She glanced over to where the Contessa was being checked over by a doctor while Ezio worriedly looked over her. Deep down, she knew that he was only concerned because she was a powerful ally to the brotherhood and her arrest at the hands of the Borgia had put her contribution to that alliance in jeopardy. But she couldn't help but fear that he was worried because they had a history together.

Claudia had told (Y/n) enough of what her husband was like in his youth - romancing every attractive woman he laid eyes on. On good days, this made her feel special - she were the one he married, after all - but on worse ones, it made her worry that he felt he could do better and go back to some of these women. Ezio was a faithful man, especially when it came to family, but this didn't stop her from worrying that she may not quite reach what he's been treated to by other women in his past.

She must have been glaring a little too hard though, because soon enough, Claudia was by her side, her arms folded.

"The woman is fine, I have a meeting to attend and he’s holding it up to fuss over her.” She snapped in disdain, her voice lowered as to not carry across the stone walls of Isola Tiberina’s Assassin hideout. 

“I don’t like it.” (Y/n) confessed, her eyes shooting daggers at the Contessa of Forli. Claudia raised a brow at the acid in her tone, finding it so unlike her sister-in-law to be so bitter. Glancing over at Claudia’s expression of surprise, she stepped her way out of the conversation to go and fetch Ezio. He had duties as Mentor of the Brotherhood and she had the claws of jealousy tying knots at her like a marionette. Emotions were something personal to (Y/n) and she wouldn’t watch herself become a wreck over some half-disgraced woman who had lost hold of her city. 

She could remember Ezio telling her how impressed he was to see a woman running a city all on her lonesome once... 

She cleared her throat, dismissing the thought as she did.

“Ezio, our contacts are waiting for you.” She spoke up, her face and voice the mask of business to hide her feelings. 

“Sì, I just-” 

“Bartolomeo has barracks to attend to, Volpe has a tavern to maintain and Claudia has a brothel to run.” She cut him off, watching as he turned his head quickly to face her, his expression a lock of shock and offence, “While they wait for you, their factions wait for them. You keep our entire Brotherhood on hold in a most dire hour to fuss over the Contessa who I’m sure if capable enough of getting her own health in order with the medico.” Ezio had stood now from Caterina’s side, bewildered at his wife’s ill temper. 

“Amore-“

“You have a job to do so go do it!” She snapped, “I have recruits to attend to and correspondence to deal with.” And with that said, she stormed off to the study in order to deal with the letters sent from the Brotherhood’s contacts across Italia. 

She set the few recruits that she had gathered in Roma some training assignments and filed through all the available contracts in the Mediterranean, even going as far as to reorganise all the books of the study’s library. All of this was done to avoid going to bed, knowing that Ezio would be there and knowing that he wold ask her about her attitude from earlier. 

It was when she was obsessively trying to get the paperweights in position that the door opened. In stepped the last man that she was willing to face in that moment: her poor husband who had suffered the brunt of her lashing out in jealousy. 

“Gioia,” He began, his tone soft yet cautious, “come to bed.” 

“But I need to sort these out…”

“I’m sure that the papers won’t grow wings and start flying any time soon.” He walked behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder and inhaling deeply as he pressed his face to her neck, “Come, I want to hold you and talk.” 

“I just need...” She obsessively tried to get the weight to fit between the lines of the letter perfectly, some part of her mind telling her that everything would be alright if all these little things were exactly where they needed to be, that she wouldn’t have to talk about her feelings if she just got these other things sorted out first. 

“You need to lay down with your husband,” One of his palms splayed across her stomach, tenderly rubbing up and down as his other hand caressed her waist, “and let him hold you in his arms,” A soft kiss pressed to the nape of her neck, “and tell him all about what has you so stressed. Doesn’t that sound good?”

“Yeah, except the talking about my feelings bit.” She mumbled as the weight refused to quite fit between the lines, tears pricking her eyes, even if she tried to laugh a little. Ezio hummed knowingly. 

“Come on…”

“Ok...” She surrendered, letting him lead her upstairs with one arm around her waist while his free hand held her own, smaller, hand in his. 

He lead her up to their room where he began to strip her of her clothes that day, leaving her in a chemise. He frowned in sadness at her apathy, the way she didn’t melt into his touches as she usually would, and worry set into his veins. 

He pulled her to the bed where he lay beside her, propped up on one elbow while she laid on her back, her bottom lip trembling, eyes glassy and jaw held tight in determination to keep a cool composure. 

“What has upset you?”

“It’s stupid.” She replied simply, “I’m sorry if I’ve upset you or worried you, you don’t deserve that.” She took in a quick breath and covered her face with her hands, a small sob escaping her lips, each one that followed like a pair of scissors to his heartstrings. 

“If it’s making you feel this way, it can’t be stupid.” He rested a hand on her arm and she turned away from him, her hand gripping the case of the pillow under her head impossibly tightly. 

“It’s the Contessa.” She mumbled into the plush pillow, her cheeks already heating up in humiliation, “The way you risked your life to save her today and then you were fussing over her health and...” 

“Amore, you know that I would do all the same and more for you.” He spoke, almost in disbelief that this is what she was so upset about. There was a long silence as she wrapped her arms around her torso, hoping that somehow she could physically hold herself together with her arms. 

“Why did you marry me?” Fresh tears wet her cheeks and she muffled the sound of her crying in the sheets. He drew closer to her and held her in his arms, feeling her frame jolt with each sob. 

“Because I’m in love with you.” He replied simply, “I’m in love with the way you see the world and people, I’m in love with your passion and humour and intelligence.” He squeezed her tightly. 

“But you could have had any woman you pleased, any woman you’ve been with before. The countess of Forli: the only woman strong enough to run her own city and even fend off Borgia armies.” She hesitated but now that she had bottled up such strong emotions all day, the glass had cracked and no one could hold in its contents lest they slice their hands on the glass. “And don’t think I didn’t overhear that night back in Monteriggioni when I was still just the decipherer Leonardo had sent for the codex pages.” 

Once upon a time, this would have been a time for Ezio to be boastful, but now that he was a married man, he only felt rather embarrassed instead. Looking away for a moment, his eyes came back to land upon his wife. 

“You worry that you don’t live up to the women I’ve had before then?” He asked cautiously, knowing that this question may well only make things far worse if he were wrong. 

“She’s a fucking countess who runs her own city and has her own armies, not to mention the fact that she’s also very clearly good in bed. Who am I? The goddamn babysitter of all the recruits.” She threw her hands up in the air before rolling onto her back and turning her head to face him, at last, with teary eyes. 

“You, amore mio,” He began, reaching a hand up to cup her cheek, turning his body even more so in her direction, “are the woman who stole my heart so quickly, that I simply couldn’t wait to marry you.” It was true, they had only been seeing each other for just over 18 months when he asked her to marry him. “You’re an Assassin who is fighting for everyone in Roma and then all of Italia behind her borders.” A conviction began to grow within his voice as he took up her left hand in his, holding it up so that she could see her wedding and engagement rings. “You are the only woman in this world that I want to spend the rest of my life with.” He brought her hand up to place a kiss upon her knuckles. “I have had histories with women before, we both know this… But they are the past and you,” He leaned down to place a soft kiss upon her lips, lingering and tender, “are my future.” 

A small smile quivered upon her lips as fresh tears welled in her eyes, tears of an overwhelming sentiment of love. 

“I love you with all my heart, Ezio.”

[inomios]

Eight types of love II Levi Ackerman

Summary: “There are eight types of love, and even though his life has been full of pain since the very beginning, he could say he experienced them all.”

Genre: Angst and Fluff

Word count: + 5k

Author note: This is the first thing I’ve ever published and I’m really nervous, so I would really appreciate if you reblogged, liked and commented. Also, English is not my first language, so I’m sorry for any mistakes. Constructive criticism is really appreciated.

                                                           . . . . 

1. AGAPE or Selfless love

           His mother would tell him everyday that she loved him with everything she had, even though it was not a lot. He asked his mother what love was, what meant loving someone. She couldn’t explain it with exact words, she would tell him that love meant caring deeply for someone, even more than for yourself. She loved him and he loved her, that much was true. He asked if he could love more than one person, his mom told him that yes, you could love many people in your life and in different ways. Then, he proceeded to ask if she had ever loved anyone else besides him, she was quiet, like she was thinking the right answer and after a few minutes she said that she had or at least she thought she did, but she had never loved someone as much as she loved him. Love was a confusing thing for him and the more he asked, the more unclear it got.

          The only thing he was sure of was that the only thing she loved was her mother. However, curious as he was, he would ask her questions about it all the time.

         ‘Is love the best thing in the world?’ 

        ‘Yes, Levi, it is the only thing that makes life worth it.’

        ‘Is love always good?’ 

       ‘Not always, sometimes it makes you sad.’

       ‘I don’t wanna be sad. I won’t love anyone else but you.’ 

      ‘You can’t choose who you love, sweetie.’

      ‘Love sucks.’ 

     ‘You will get it when you grow up.’

     ‘I’m already a grown-up.’

     He tried to get it, but he couldn’t. He prided himself of being smart, his mom would always tell him that he was really clever and witty for his age. Then, how come he wasn’t able to understand love. It was just a four-letter word: L-O-V-E, it couldn’t have such a deep meaning. ‘Door’ had also four letters and it wasn’t hard to understand and ‘Scandalous’, pretty much the biggest word for him, had ten letters and he knew what it meant, he could even use it in a phrase.

      His mom, noticing that he was about to collapse trying to figure out what has love, tried to come up with the best possible definition, one that would please his five-year old son.

    ‘Love is a selfless thing. Love means giving everything you have, to make the other person happy and content, even though you may not get back all you give. When you love someone, you only what the best for them. It can cause you pain too but loving someone and being loved back is one of the best things we can experience as humans. We may not have a lot, Levi, but we have each other and more important, we love one another and that makes us privileged.’

     He understood it then, kind of, so the questions stopped.

     However, when his mother’s body laid lifeless in bed, he regretted not making one last question: ‘if you died, do you think anyone would ever love me, mom?’

     Later, when he was under Kenny’s wing and after Kenny had left him at his own, he soon found an answer: no one would.

2. PHILIA or Affectionate love

           After his mother’s death, after Kenny, after everything, he thought that love was out of his reach, something he could never have again. Then Isabel and Farlan happened.

           Every single day since his mother died, he would ask himself if he would love again and if someone would love him back. However, at the same time, he wanted to know nothing about love, love brought pain and he had already suffered enough for a lifetime. He sometimes thought that he had an emptiness inside, a big hole where his heart should be, a room so big that no one could ever fill.

           After his mom came Kenny, but he was sure he did not love him, at least not like he had loved his mother, and he was sure as hell Kenny did not love him back. Love was supposed to be selfless and caring and Kenny was selfish and did not give a damn about him, he proved him that when he left him alone, again.

           Loneliness was a feeling he was already used to but being used to it didn’t mean he liked it. Then again, who would be dumb enough to love him? And he knew better than to love someone who would end up leaving him, like his mother did, like Kenny did.

           Well, maybe he did love Kenny, but loving him was painful. While loving his mother was sweet, freeing and it brought him solace and comfort; loving Kenny was toxic and tough, when he thought about it, it troubled him. He gave him a home and he taught him how to survive in the Underground, he didn’t know why, but he raised him, and Kenny never did something freely, he was sure something was missing there, but he didn’t know what. It was stupid of him to think that he cared about him, but a little white lie never hurt anyone. Loving Kenny, seeing him as the paternal figure he never had, filled him with turmoil and changed the way he perceived love.

           Love was weakness, it could bring you to your knees, he had learned that. It was pointless, why would you commit to something that would inevitably bring you sorrow? He wasn’t about to make the same mistake again, he knew better, the only person who would stay with him was himself and that wasn’t about to change.

           Then Isabel and Farlan walked into his life. Well, Farlan walked, Isabel stumbled.

           They became family. He knew better but he couldn’t help it. They were thick as thieves, literally. Suddenly, they became the family he yearned for since his mother died. He loved them with everything he had. Loving them was selfless as his mother said, he wanted the best for them, he wanted to see them happy, no matter the price. However, it was a different kind of love, it was pure affection. It wasn’t the adoration he had for his mother, nor the rage he felt for Kenny. It was tender and sweet, he never had a brother or a close friend to care about while growing up, but he thought it was supposed to feel like that, it had to be like that. It had to be another type of love. His mother told him that love was never the same, it had different shapes and, for him, at that moment love had Isabel and Farlan’s shape.

           Sadly, nothing good lasts forever, at least not for him. Love causes pain and brings you to your knees, he shouldn’t have forgotten that. When he saw Isabel’s head laying on the floor surrounded by a puddle of her own blood, mouth agape, eyes wide open and pale face, he fell to his knees. He saw a supercut of him, Isabel and Farlan, all the good times, all the laughs they shared and all the stories they still had to write but they would never be able to do because they weren’t there, not anymore, they were gone like his mother, like Kenny. He was alone again.

           Love always brought him to his knees and he would never forget it again. He wasn’t made for love; the same way love wasn’t made for him.

3. LUDUS or Playful love

           Meeting you happened out of pure coincidence, being in the right place at the wrong time.

           He had come from a long mission and he was completely and utterly fine, seriously, but Hange loved to make a big deal out of everything. Well, maybe he had an injury, but a minor one, nothing that he couldn’t take care of himself. He spent years in the Underground, he didn’t need a doctor, he could stitch himself up and place his bones back in place. However, Hange didn’t think the same and was nagging him about getting his injuries checked, so there he was, in one of the infirmary’s bed, waiting for the head doctor.

           It wasn’t that he was scared of doctors or “hospitals”, he just didn’t like the idea of some stranger touching him or feeling hopeless and powerless, he didn’t like feeling like he needed help or advice, he could do it pretty much on his own. But Hange didn’t really trust his medical abilities and he knew that arguing with her was pointless.

           ‘Doctor Brunner couldn’t come since he is busy with some paperwork, so he sent me. I’m his trainee y/n y/ln.’ 

           ‘I’m not letting some failed attempt of medic treat my wounds.’

           It wasn’t what people would call a ‘meet cute’ moment, it was more like a ‘meet jerk’. He wasn’t the best dealing with people, nor that he wanted to be, he preferred it that way. If you had been any other person, you wouldn’t have bitten back, but you had a sharp tongue and weren’t scared of him. That was probably what drew him in, he was so used to people recoiling in fear when they saw him that having someone that actually fought back was quite alluring.

           ‘Well, this failed attempt of a doctor knows more than you ever will, so act your age, stop being a bitch and let me tend your injuries.’

           ‘You have some nerve talking to me like that.’ 

           ‘You have some nerve coming to my workplace to insult me.’

           During that first encounter none of you said much to each other. He wasn’t fond on talking and you didn’t like his attitude, so you didn’t try to strike a conversation. He had to admit that you were good at you job, you tended him with care and you knew what you were doing, not that he would tell you, at least not yet.

           ‘Well, not so bad for a failed attempt of a doctor.’

           It was the closest thing to a compliment he could say, and it looked like you knew, because he swears that he saw you smile a little.

           ‘Aren’t you a pleasure to work with? The injury in your arm was pretty nasty and poorly treated, so luckily for you, you will have to drop by more times to check on you. These are my hours, if you want this failed attempt of a doctor to treat you, Captain. I could get used to see your friendly face now and then.’

           He didn’t know if the last part was supposed to be interpreted as flirting, but he did come back to visit you, to keep an eye of his injury, obviously. However, if you asked Hange, she would say that you had caught his eye, he still says that at that point in your relationship you annoyed him too much to find himself interested in you.

           His weekly visits turned into daily visits, so much for not liking you.

           ‘I’m starting to think I’ve managed to catch your attention, Captain.’ 

          ‘Tch, you’re just less annoying than the rest of the brats.’ 

          ‘Oh Captain, you really know how to make me blush.’

           He lied. You did catch his attention and you both knew it. It wasn’t love, not at all, it was a gentle curiosity that grew a little bit every day, like a flower blossoming.

           ‘Tch, you only know to say shit with that mouth of yours.’ 

           ‘This mouth of mine knows to do a lot of things, want me show you, Captain?’

           ‘When you return from the expedition, you have to come to the infirmary to see your wounds and stop playing the hero, it’s bullshit.’ 

            ‘I’m starting to think you may have an obsession for doing check-ups on me, brat.’ 

           ‘You caught me, I only do them because I can’t keep my hands of you, Captain.’

         ‘Why do you always call me Captain? It’s annoying, I’m not your superior.’

        ‘I know, but I like teasing you with it, Captain.’

        He cared for you more than he cared for other people in his life, he liked being with you, maybe that was another type of love. Loving his mother was selfless; loving Isabel and Farlan was affectionate; loving you, or whatever the hell he was felling, was playful, flirty and it filled him with joy.

       Maybe it wasn’t love, but it was getting there.

4. MANIA or Obsessive love

           Your relationship was frustrating everybody, absolutely every single person that knew about you two, everybody knew you had feelings for each other but none of you did something about it, you just kept tiptoeing around each other. It was painful to see. They didn’t know if you were oblivious, stupid, scared or if you were just messing with them, Hange believed the latter one because there was no way you two weren’t together already. The banter, the flirty remarks, the way he looked out for you and the way you took care of him.

           ‘What’s going on with you and y/n, Shorty?’ 

           ‘You tell me, Four-eyes’

           ‘Tell me the truth, y/n. Are you and Levi dating and just keeping it as a secret? Because I’m losing my mind.’ 

           ‘We aren’t dating, Hange.’

           To be honest, Levi was losing his mind too. The playful game turned into something more serious, something more obsessive and he didn’t like it. He couldn’t stop thinking about you and what were you doing while he was busy with paperwork. On missions his mind wandered about your wellbeing and if you were fine. He couldn’t ignore the way his heartbeat became erratic whenever you were close to him or the way he would notice every single thing about you. He felt powerless, there was no way to stop it.

           He, who always had a plan and knew to do, was helpless under something he could have prevented, or at least something he think he could have avoided. Deep down he knew that he would have fallen for you one way or another, some things are bound to happen, and love is one of them, but he didn’t want to admit that something as mundane as love could outpower him in his own life.

           He was aware of how you felt about him, you weren’t scared to be vocal about it and it drove him mad, and by the way his stoic eyes would gleam and glisten while looking at you, you were certain it was mutual. He knew that if he said the word or gave you signal, you’d be his and he’d be yours, but he couldn’t give you what you wanted, and it was a matter of time before you got tired of him. You were young and beautiful, one the most outstanding creatures he had ever seen, you could do better than him and you’d realize soon enough. Life was too short to waste it on him.

           ‘What are you waiting for, Levi? Do something about it because it’s getting painful to watch.’ 

           ‘Get off my fucking case, Four-eyes.’

           Everyone was waiting for him to do something, but he couldn’t. In those moments he remembered the question he wasn’t able to ask his mother: ‘if you died, do you think anyone would ever love me, mom?’ His mother loved him, and she died, just like Isabel and Farlan, he couldn’t love you, because he’ll end up losing you, the same way he lost everyone else.

           He was loveless.

           But you weren’t, and you found someone to do what he couldn’t do, someone to love you like you deserved.

           He didn’t know a lot about them. You looked happier and that was all he cared about. He thought that seeing you with another person would calm his heart and his desires, but they only got worse, there was no way of forgetting about you. You were everywhere.

           ‘C’mon Levi, do something.’ 

          ‘Didn’t I tell you to drop it, Hange?’

           His visits stopped but you kept waiting for him, hoping he would come to his senses. You didn’t get it, you really didn’t. He had the opportunity, he could have taken the chance to be with you, but he didn’t, so you moved on, or tried to, you didn’t love your partner, but you could see yourself falling in love with them. However, you still missed Levi, not as a potential lover, but as a friend. The way he erased you from his life as you were nothing broke your heart. What did he want from you?

           He wanted everything. He wanted all of you and yet he couldn’t do anything about it. He was just frozen in time while you kept moving. He met your partner, they came to visit you once, they were gentle and loving, they looked at you like you were the brightest star in the firmament. They held your hand and kissed your lips. They did all the things he wanted to do. He was jealous, but he didn’t have the right to say something, he had never had the right.

           The way he looked at you made you feel guilty, like you were betraying him, and you were so confused and annoyed and angry and mad, and you really wanted to punch him in the face. So, you went to his room that night and stormed in.

           ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ 

           ‘I should be asking that, I’m not the one barging in someone else’s room with no previous invitation.’

           He had never seen you like that, so mad and full of rage and it was all directed to him and he knew it was his fault.

           ‘What do you want of me, Levi?’

           He wanted everything.

           He wanted you.

           ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. Could you please stop making me lose my time?’

           He saw it in your face, that was the last straw.

           ‘You’re selfish, an asshole, a prick and a lot of other things. But above it all, you’re a fucking coward, so much for Humanity’s Strongest. For fucks sake, Levi, I loved you, I still do, but I can’t keep waiting for someone who is too scared to do something about it. I want you and you want me too. What’s stopping you?’

           He remembered again, the question he never had the chance to ask: ‘if you died, do you think anyone would ever love me, mom?’

           You loved him and you weren’t scared of it. But he was, and you were about to leave the room. You turned your back on him and it was now or never. He had to choose: would he let you walk away definitely of his life or would he do something?

           For once, he didn’t think, he didn’t listen to his head, he listened to his heart. For so long he made himself believe that he didn’t have a heart, but his heart was right there, beating for you.

           He kissed you and you kissed him back.

           ‘Mine.’ 

          ‘Yours.’

5. EROS or Passionate love

           You both were private people, you didn’t want people talking about your relationship during its first stages, what you had was precious and new and you wanted to protect it from the world a little longer. That’s why no one really knew about the whole ordeal, well, they knew that something had shifted because you could be in the same room without making everyone uncomfortable with your unsolved issues, but they couldn’t pinpoint what had exactly changed, they just guessed that you sorted everything out, finally.

           However, Hange did know what changed. She prided herself on knowing Levi, after many years working with him she had learned that Levi only talked through his body language, so she started paying attention to what his body said instead of listening to the words he spewed. Therefore, when she asked him if he was dating you and he said a short no, he knew he was lying. She noticed how he seemed more at ease, how you had broken up with your partner, the way he would gravitate towards you and that when he looked at you, his eyes weren’t filled with longing and remorse, they were shinier and less cold than usual. So, she obviously knew that something was up, but she kept quiet. She may talk way too much, and people could find her annoying, but at the end of the day she was a good friend, and she would respect that neither of you wanted to make things public.

           Keeping things private was harder than he originally thought, he was distant and cold to everyone, but he couldn’t be cold and distant with you when you made him burn inside and he could only think about holding you close. It was weird for him, he had spent so many years deprived of touch that he couldn’t imagine himself getting addicted to it, but he was wrong, so wrong.

           You knew that Levi was touch starved, you didn’t need to be a genius to notice. When you picked up his body language and started hearing about his childhood, everything came together: his mother died when he was very young, the most paternal figure he had was toxic and abusive to him and since Isabel and Farlan he didn’t let anyone in easily. Levi wasn’t used to someone doting him and you knew that if you started showering him with affection, it would probably scare him off a little, and that was the last thing you wanted. So, you started slowly: holding hands, gentle caresses, kisses in his cheek, hugs, light pecks on the lips and when you saw that he started getting more comfortable, things started scaling on their own, you let him mark the pace. It wasn’t a quick process, but it was worth it.

           After a few months, Levi couldn’t keep his hands of you and he surely didn’t want you to keep your hands off him. This was a new kind of love, at first, on the early stages of your relationship it was playful, but then it evolved into something more passionate: quick pecks turned into open mouthed kisses; holding hands innocently turned into holding you close while you came undone under him again and again; kisses now went lower and lower, exploring new parts of you that he hadn’t seen and that no one else would. He didn’t think that touch could mean so much to him, but it did now, and he knew that couldn’t ever go back to a touchless life where you wouldn’t be there to love him.

6. PHILAUTIA or Self-love

          He wasn’t neither deaf, blind or stupid. He could hear what people had to say about your relationship, how you deserved better than him; he could see his reflection on the mirror and how he wasn’t beautiful, at least not as much as you, he wasn’t the male that would make people swoon and he knew that you could have any man or female you wanted, but you chose him, out of every other person, you decided to be with him. He was a lucky bastard and you didn’t make good decisions, what a match.

           You would look at him like he held the stars in the sky, and you would touch him like he was about to disappear in any moment, as if he were a dream you were afraid to wake up from. He didn’t get why him, he wasn’t the most handsome, nor the nicest, nor the easiest to love, and you still decided to keep him around. He liked to think that he was smart or cleverer than the average, and yet he couldn’t grasp his head around that the fact you loved him and just him, and that was it, it was as simple as that.

           Whenever you heard the things people said about your partner, you went feral, because you knew all those comments fueled the self-hate Levi had. Being loveless for so long it obviously affected the perception he had of himself and you wanted to change that, because he deserved it, he deserved all the happiness in this dull world. He liked to play strong, but you saw through him, and even though he never acted upon them, it hurt him. You wished he could see himself through you eyes, because it caused you pain the mere idea of him thinking less of himself, that he wasn’t worthy of your love.

           You would tell him every day how much you loved him, as if you were reciting a prayer to your own god.

           ‘I love you.’

           ‘You’re beautiful.’

           ‘I could stare at you for the rest of my life.’

           ‘I don’t know what I would do without you.’

           You would tell him that he needed to love himself, see the good inside of him, he guessed that that was one the types of love he had yet to discover: self-love. He didn’t see himself capable of loving himself nearly the half of how much you loved him.

           ‘You know one reason why you should love yourself, because you make me the happiest I’ve ever been.’

              He didn’t love himself, not yet, but if he was able to make you smile like that, he couldn’t be that unworthy of you.

7. STORGE or Familiar love

              He had been avoiding love for as long as he could remember, and then you burst into his life with the force of a typhoon. Love had found him, and he couldn’t get away, you never can, it was a lesson that he had finally accepted.

             For so long he saw love as something unnecessary, a burden for the soul. Love ruins you, it stabs you on the back, whenever he let his walls down, love would always take advantage of it and destroy him, bringing him closer to insanity, he had lost himself too many times by loving people and when he met you, he did not want the cycle to repeat itself. He didn’t want more Kuchels, Kennys, Isabels and Farlans, love was merciless, and he wasn’t interested in it, at least that was what he told to himself every day, that he was better off alone. Was all the pain worth it? He thought love came with a high price and he couldn’t afford it. However, things change, life happens, destiny has always something in the store, well, in his case he had someone.

           You were his everything, the beacon that brought light in his life, for so long he had been lost, walking amongst shadows, nearly becoming one, and when you appeared you changed the rules of the game, of his game. Every wall he had built around himself came down and you filled every gap his heart was missing. It was the scariest thing he had ever done, letting you in, letting someone in, giving someone else the control of his own heart. You knew the power you held between your hands and you never abused it. You were his solace in this mad world, the oasis in the middle of the desert.

         Loving him was not easy, he knew it, he was rude, sharp, too closed off, mean, he was what people liked to call a ‘fucking jerk’ and yet you never gave up on him, on what you had. Instead of leaving when you had the chance, you stayed through thick and thin: through sleepless nights, through his bad moods and grumpiness, through his biting remarks… .You didn’t ran way, you were too stubborn for that, instead you taught him more forms of love.

         You were all of the ones he knew and more.

         You were selfless, giving him every part of you and loving him with everything you had to offer.

         You were his best friend, his companion, the better half of him.

         You were playful, joyous, probably the only thing that could make him smile and bring him happiness.

         You were consuming, like a fire burning inside of him.

         You were passionate, intoxicating.

         You were every form of love he had ever experienced, but nothing could have ever prepared him for the kind of love he was experiencing in that moment: the familiar one. The one you feel when you hold your newborn in your trembling hands. It was something he couldn’t describe, there weren’t words for it, he tried to, but he failed every single time.

         This was the way his mom loved him, and then he knew how much he had meant for his own mother. While holding little Kuchel on his arms, he remembered all those days and nights on that dirty brothel, all the hours he spent by his mother’s side, how she would do everything to give him the best life and he soon realized there was nothing in this world he wouldn’t do for his daughter. It wasn’t the best of times to have a child, but in that moment, in that precise instant, when Kuchel opened her grey eyes, he was sure of one thing: he would tear everything and everyone down only to see her smile.

        A knock on the door. Another one. Two minutes passed and then Hange, followed by Erwin, entered in the room.

       ‘Tch, Shitty-glasses, who gave you permission to come in?’ 

       ‘My authority as a god-mother.’

       ‘Don’t make me regret it.’

      ‘She’s beautiful, what’s her name?’ 

     ‘Her name is Kuchel.’

     Kuchel was his new world, he loved her so much that it was overwhelming, he would never love someone as much as he loved her, and no one would probably love with the same devotion Levi Ackerman loved his daughter.

    ‘You know, Kuchel, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I promise you that you will have the best life a man like me can give you. I may be a little cold, perhaps a little strict and you will probably get mad at me sometimes, but no matter what happens, I will love you through everything. And by the way, no dating until I’m dead because no brat will be good enough for you. You deserve the world Kuchel and I’ll give you everything it has to offer. Things may get hard, you aren’t born in the best circumstances, but I’ll protect you because you deserve the life I couldn’t live.’

     Kuchel’s first word was ‘dadda’.

     Kuchel’s first steps were pointed towards his father.

     Kuchel’s favorite pastime was being in his father’s arms.

     Kuchel could only sleep after his father had kissed her forehead.

     And Kuchel would never love someone as much as he loved his father, because she loved him as much as he loved her.

8. PRAGMA or Enduring love

           He was old and wrinkly, he was scarred, mutilated and there were days he couldn’t sleep because the nightmares were too real. But he was happy, he was married to the most beautiful and special person he had ever met, he had a loving daughter, a bunch of brats he was proud to call grandchildren and the tea shop he had always dreamed about.

           Life hadn’t been fair to him. He had lost so many people he cared about, he had fought a war and he had had the weight of the world on his shoulders. But, after all, after the tortures, the adversities, the deaths… He had people who loved and whom he loved.

          Love was worth it. He had finally learned that.

          At his seventies he found out about the last kind of love, the enduring, the one that lasts and survives in time. He loved his family above everything, and he would love them long after his bones turn into ashes and no one remembers his name.

         Then he recalled that question he never got to ask his mother: ‘if you died, do you think anyone would ever love me, mom?’

         He looked at the sky and smiled.

        ‘After all someone was fool enough to love me mom, who would have thought?’

         A gentle breeze caressed his skin and a single tear fell from his eye.

        ‘I guess that’s the way you have of answering the question.’

[tennessoui]

1 - Soulmate AU - Soulamtes share dreams to learn more about each other and to teach each other their local traditions if necessary. Obi-Wan learns the hardship his mate faces in slavery, their secret language, and how to help free slaves. Anakin gets taught about the Jedi, reading, writing, and how amazing his mate is.

ahhhh ok i really don't want to share this under this prompt because i wrote the ask down wrong in my notes so the prompt i wrote follows my poor notes that just say - 'soulmate sharing/learn about them before they meet' but this is amazing prompt wise and it would clear up a ton of misconceptions in the prequels obviously if they both got dreams of the other's early lives but this is.... not that but i hope you enjoy anyway <3 <3

1. Soulmates (and daemons) (2.0 k)

Obi-Wan doesn’t have a soulmate for sixteen years.

It’s just him and the animal representation of his own soul that had traveled to the Temple with him as a babe, a Vulptex kit. She’s named herself now and grown larger and stronger through the years, her coat growing out to perfect crystalline ends. From a distance, they look like razor-sharp spikes of ice. Or so other people have said.

Obi-Wan knows that’s not true. He knows that his soul isn’t cold or untouchable or unreachable. But he’s had no luck telling anyone else that, not when Avarie snaps at everyone who tries to touch her in a manner that’s quite un-Jedi like. She’s prickly and quick to bristle. He’s emotional and angry, even before he’s ten years old.

Look, it’s not easy living around people who all know they have soulmates, either because they’ve met them or because they’ve woken up to find that their own animal has disappeared only to be replaced with their mate’s soul representation.

Most of the time, that sort of switch happens when a person’s still a youngling. A very young youngling. Sometimes babies are taken to the Temple with their soulmate’s animal tucked between tiny arms. Those, in Obi-Wan’s opinion, are the luckiest ones. They never have to wonder if they even have a soulmate at all.

They just grow up knowing that they’ll be loved one day.

Obi-Wan grows up thinking maybe it’s just going to be him and his vulptex until the day he dies. It makes him angry at the injustice of it all.

He knows his own emotions probably keep him from a Padawanship, but he can’t help but think that Avarie’s own appearance and attitude certainly don’t help. They’re at odds with one another for two years, bound together but each ignoring the other. Obi-Wan’s never heard of this before, of fighting with your own soul’s animal.

But, he thinks, most people don’t spend as long with theirs as he has with Avarie.

Perhaps she is everything unlikable about himself, made apparent to everyone else. No one, master or soulmate, would ever want him. Not when everything about his soul screams keep your distance.

Master Jinn taking him as his Padawan is a surprise then, one that soothes over some of Obi-Wan’s soul-deep aches. The night he gets his padawan braid is the first night in years that Avarie curls up against him to sleep.

When he is sixteen and a few standard months old, he wakes up alone in his bed, Avarie nowhere in sight.

Well. Not alone, actually.

A ball of fur that he had originally thought to be a wrinkle in his bedspread whines pitifully and moves to follow him when he sits up.

He stares dumbly down at the strange little muzzle and unopen eyes. Half of its face is a pure white, and the other half a solid black, as if someone has taken it and held it against a fire until its fur was stained with smoke.

“Uh,” he says to his soulmate’s animal. The creature, some sort of canid, perks up at his voice and snuffles closer to him eagerly. “Yes, hello,” Obi-Wan grins, petting its tiny head with the tip of his thumb. It tries to prolong the touch by lifting its muzzle up and whining.

It’s so small.

His soulmate must be...must be just as young.

Obi-Wan is sixteen and a few months and his soulmate has just been born, most likely. But.

But he has a soulmate.

-----

Odyna grows fast, much faster than Obi-Wan had thought possible. It feels like he blinks once on the morning he wakes to see her, and then suddenly she’s at his knees. Her paws and ears are huge still, and Obi-Wan knows she’ll grow much, much bigger.

His master in particular is very interested in trying to figure out what species his soulmate’s animal is.

“She feels incredibly strong in the Force,” Qui-Gon says on more than one occasion. “And her markings--”

Odyna growls from where she’s laying splayed out in Obi-Wan’s lap as he brushes over her furry back. She instantly preens when he taps her gently on the nose.

Some days he thinks she’s the exact opposite of Avarie in every way possible, and has to wonder how his soulmate--who would be six now--is faring with Avarie. He hopes she’s at least letting them pet her.

Odyna relishes Obi-Wan’s attention always, though she scorns anyone else’s hands or affections in a way that reminds him of his own Vulptex.

The Jedi Council was unimpressed with Avarie’s aversion to touch and seems even more skeptical at Odyna’s. “A dangerous, possessive attachment, it will be,” Yoda has told Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan more than once.

Soulmate relationships in the Order are common and practically encouraged, seen as the will of the Force. But even then, possessive attachment is heavily forbidden. The Force animals of the Jedi will often allow other Jedi to touch them and greet them. It’s unbecoming of a Jedi’s soul, to close itself off from the touch of others.

And yet a part of Obi-Wan can’t stop himself from feeling smug about how overt Odyna’s claim over him is. She’s clingy, incredibly needy, and overprotective at turns.

A Jedi’s mission to Lothal brings back a trade deal and a name for Obi-Wan’s soulmate’s Force animal. “It looks just like a Loth-wolf,” she tells him. “But the ones on Lothal I saw were huge. Taller than a Wookie.”

Obi-Wan groans at this. His master is already so much taller than him. Now Odyna too? If his soulmate grows to tower over him as well, he’s going to have some choice words for the Force upon his death.

“You wouldn’t do that to me, would you?” He asks Odyna that night as she flops down onto his bed in her customary position of splayed everywhere. “My room is only so big.”

She grins at him and licks his face.

“Force, that’s so uncivilized,” Obi-Wan grouses, getting up out of bed again to go wash his face.

----

Surprisingly, Tatooine’s heat is not the first thing Obi-Wan notices about the planet. No, what he notices first and foremost is the way that Odyna, until this point relatively satisfied to lay curled around his chair (at nine, she’s big enough to come up to his shoulders when standing), seems to lose her damned mind as soon as the door is open and the hot air permeates the ship.

He was just going to look at the damage, but his soulmate’s Force animal seems to have other plans. Odyna bounds out onto the sand and nudges Obi-Wan forward, hard enough that he loses his balance.

She nudges him again, even as he tries to bat her away. “Odyna, stop it,” he demands, scrambling to his feet.

“Are they...alright?” One of Queen Amidala’s handmaidens asks.

Qui-Gon at least tries to hide his amusement, but Obi-Wan shoots him a dirty look anyway because he can hear the smile in his master’s voice when he says, “Oh yes. This is quite normal.”

It is not normal, thanks.

Odyna howls in agreement.

When Qui-Gon tells them that they’ll have to go into the nearest town to barter or buy the parts needed to fix the ship, Obi-Wan volunteers first. Maybe if he can let Odyna stretch her legs, she’ll calm down.

Instead, the closer they get to Mos Espa proper, the more antsy she becomes until, quite suddenly, she bolts through the streets. Obi-Wan has little choice but to take off after her. It’s almost impossible, of course, to lose a Loth-wolf when they’re that huge, but there’s a sort of strange tight pressure in his chest at having her out of his sight.

He leaves his master and the handmaiden behind without a second thought, but at least he doesn’t have to run far.

Outside a shop that looks as rundown as the other ones, Odyna has stopped and sat down, her tail wagging furiously behind her.

Obi-Wan has a fair few things in mind to yell at her, but all of that gets knocked out of his head when he sees the crystalline figure of a very familiar vulptex standing in the shadow of the loth-wolf.

His breath catches in his throat and he almost loses his balance again when Avarie turns to look at him with those intelligent black eyes, head cocked.

If she’s--if she’s here, then that means--that means--

He stumbles forward until he can kneel in front of his Force animal, hand outstretched.

Suddenly there’s commotion inside the shop and a little boy tears outside holding some sort of rusted pipe over his shoulder threateningly. “Don’t touch her!” the boy yells, brandishing the pipe. “She doesn’t like it, get gone or I’ll make you get gone!”

Obi-Wan blinks. His very first interaction with his soulmate after waiting twenty-five years, and the boy is threatening him.

“You’re mine,” he says dumbly, brain trying to process these impossible events.

It is, of course, the wrong thing to say. If anything, the boy puffs himself up even more. “I’m no one’s!” He yells indignantly. “I’m a person. My name is Anakin Skywalker!”

Obi-Wan holds up his hands in apology. “Ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean--I meant that she’s mine. Avarie. She’s my soul.”

Anakin lowers his pipe with narrowed eyes. “How’d you know her name?” he asks suspiciously.

Obi-Wan fights the urge to roll his eyes. He’d never considered that he’d have to win over the trust of his soulmate. “She’s my soul,” he says again slowly, before gesturing to the black and white loth-wolf behind them, who has laid down in the dust, tongue hanging out in response to the heat. “As she is yours.”

“You’re my...soulmate?” Anakin drops the pipe as he looks over Obi-Wan in frank disbelief. “But you’re so….”

Obi-Wan raises a wry eyebrow and grins. He braces himself to hear old, or maybe even male.

But instead his soulmate shocks him again by saying, “....pretty! Are you sure you’re not an angel instead?”

Which, of course, corresponds to his master’s arrival. The maiden with him at least has the decency to cover her smile with her hand. Meanwhile, his master’s smirk is probably going to be burned into his memory forever.

“Yes, Anakin,” Obi-Wan responds. “I promise, I’m your soulmate.”

“Mine,” Anakin says in a wondrous tone. And then, a grin steals across his face and he grabs Obi-Wan's hand. “My soulmate.”

Obi-Wan hopes this isn’t the beginning of that dangerous possessiveness Yoda has spent years lecturing him about.

-----

“I’m going with him,” Anakin argues, stomping his foot in the Council chambers. Obi-Wan hides his face in his hand. “He’s my master.”

“Anakin, we’ve been over this. You’re much too young for this mission,” Obi-Wan explains gently, as if they don’t have a dozen interested eyes on them.

“I’m twelve!” Anakin will not be deterred. “That’s plenty old!”

“It’s too dangerous,” he tries instead.

“Then you shouldn’t go!”

Obi-Wan wonders if he should try arguing that he’s a twenty-eight year old Jedi Knight, who may go where he pleases. He doesn’t think that’ll go over well with his padawan.

Anakin, he says through their training bond. Do not do this in front of the Council.

Anakin turns to stare mulishly up at him. I want you to be safe.

I will have Odyna with me, Obi-Wan points out, tilting his head in reference to the loth-wolf spread out on the Council Chamber’s floor. And you will have Avarie with you. You will know I am safe. And I will know she is making you sleep and eat and bathe.

Anakin seems to consider this and then crosses his arms, but eventually nods. I don’t like it when she bites me until I go to bed, he grumbles, kicking his feet and glaring over at Avarie, who is dozing between Odyna’s paws.

Obi-Wan fights the urge to chuckle out loud. In truth, he’s a bit jealous that Avarie has figured out a way to get obedience from their soulmate. Half the time, Obi-Wan is still floundering to get simple acknowledgement of a command.

-----

Many years later, of course, when Anakin is a knight and Obi-Wan a master, he figures out the thing that never fails to get Anakin soft and pliant and relaxed.

It’s kisses.

More specifically, kisses from his soulmate while they’re lying in bed together, sheets tangled around their feet and both of their Force animals in the other room, keeping watch at the door.

[agent-cupcake]

As a resident Claudefucker, I know am curious to know what our fave charming schemer is doing during this Mafia!AU. He'd look lovely in a suit.

~It was quite the headline when Godfrey Riegan died. The details are a little hazy, a little convenient, but people don't talk about that sort of thing. Car accidents are common. Tragic, but not unreasonable. There’s no reason to smear a man’s perfectly respectable political career for the sake of some sensational gossip.

~In the right circles, however, there was a huge uproar, questions about who was going to take over the Riegan family when the elderly boss Oswald died. The Riegan’s had been dominating Leicester for quite some time, but a lot of people began to predict that the Gloucester family was going to move in. They had powerful friends, it seemed. Friends with money, no less.

~Claude Riegan, grandson of Oswald, appeared out of nowhere just when he was needed. Stories of the lost daughter Tiana still circulated, sure, but there were still a lot of questions about Claude’s origins when nobody except Oswald were able to vouch for him. He obviously had military leadership experience—his skill with guns and ability to lead was just too excellent for any other explanation—but he dismissed the question out of hand. There’s no documentation of him, either, leading some to wonder if even his name was false. But Oswald said he was family, and that was that.

~Claude was quick to establish himself, in any case. Despite his cavalier attitude, his efficacy in overhauling the power dynamics of Leicester were profound.  

~He decided, first and foremost, that the way to win the people over was to invigorate the local culture, which had seen a sharp decline as a result of new laws that were unfavorable to business, Adrestia’s growing market monopolies, and the bad reputation of the red light district Ailell. This included some perfectly legitimate campaigning and some under the table type schemes. 

~The result was a flourishing Derdriu Street. While it lacks the prestige of Enbarr Square in Adrestia, it welcomes entertainment that would be considered too “low brow” like comedy, trendy new restaurants, and music venues. Even better, all of it is built on the recently cleaned up river. The Riegan family is involved in all of  it, of course. 

~Casino owner Claude. This exists solely to thirst but maybe it was preexisting and he took it over due to its poor management? If there’s going to be gambling anyway, it should be done right. The extra money’s not so bad, either. But, Claude lounging in a big leather chair in a dark blue blazer with gold brocade, his white shirt unbuttoned low enough to see enough his chest. Enough to make you drool. Enough that you’d definitely get caught staring and probably called out for it because he can’t help himself. Claude with his elbows on the arm rests and fingers folded in front of him as he considers you, gold rings winking because he’s just that ostentatious and appearances are important. Claude asking you how you feel about taking risks in a way that really feels like it has nothing to do with cards, staring at you with a friendly smile that doesn’t meet those calculating eyes—eyes that you know will pick up on every tell. 

~Claude also struck a deal with the Kupala Distillery. They’d been fighting to keep hold of their historic business for years, and Claude offered to help them with that. You know, not for free, but he’s good at making deals that leave everybody happy. 

~The second biggest thing he tackled was the drug trade. For the most part, no one family had ever had a complete handle on that market. The Goneril’s had a hold over the docks for years, but the Edmunds had been moving in and working with the Gloucester family to bolster their power. Distribution was scattered and hard to keep track of as it ultimately circulated wherever there was a profit to be made. Looking at it like this, Claude decided that the only way to fix things was to take control over all of it. In his line of work, shady things like the drug trade are impossible to avoid. At the very least, if he has control over it, he can ensure the product is clean and expel far more unsavory ventures.

~Through these escapades, Claude was able to make alliances with all of the major families. A lot of them had only remained loyal to the Gloucester family out of fear so as soon as they had an alternative, they bolted. This has an unfortunate side effect of revealing how his power is perceived. Every day is a balancing act for Claude. He allows each family to function as they please as long as they’re aware they do so at his mercy. It’s better to keep friends than to control enemies, but even that requires a delicate maneuvering of power.

~However, Claude likes the conflict. He enjoys the game and he especially enjoys winning the game. There’s a certain level of his excusing amorality for the sake of his family and Leicester, but there’s an equal part of him that understands his wrongdoings and deals with it separately. He wouldn’t hold to the naïve “ends justify the means” idea to excuse himself, but he would still argue that his actions have value and are even necessary. If it weren’t him, it would be somebody a lot worse than him. That’s probably something that would linger in the back of everybody’s minds whenever they shook his hand or paid their respects, whenever they began to think of how easy it would be to take him out. Fear, too. So far, Claude’s never done anything shockingly bad, only what was necessary. But with his power and intellect, it’s always a question of what he could do.

~If someone asked him that, Claude would smile that friendly smile and tell them that he would do anything to see his vision made real. Whether or not that’s true remains to be seen. 

~Luckily, Claude’s not alone! Hilda is the stereotypical crime family princess. She joined Claude because he offered her freedom from the overbearing control of her father and brother. Her skill in manipulating everybody around her combined with her reputation as a ditzy rich girl makes her fantastic at gathering information, assuming Claude can get her to do so. But, as long as he’s not being too forceful, she’s surprisingly motivated to weave her way through social circles and charm everyone. Although she would never say it, the order he brought to Leicester, not to mention the entertainment, made everything a lot better for her and her family. Plus, she likes being useful after spending her entire life watching Holst give his heart and soul to family while she did nothing. Ultimately, the information she provides is essential and her relationship with Claude is one of the few either have that’s built on trust, respect, and loyalty. That said, sometimes even Claude gets a little shiver as he watches how easily Hilda can manipulate people.  

~Lorenz was one of Claude’s most disdainful detractors, although a part of that was jealousy. Claude just swept in and did things that Lorenz had been waiting and planning to do once he became the head of the Gloucester family. Even after being on the receiving ends of such vicious attacks, once Claude undeniably had the upper hand in Leicester, he went behind the Gloucester boss’s back to Lorenz and told him that they were going to be friends or enemies, it was Lorenz’s choice. Not threatening him, just pointing out that the fall of the Gloucester family was inevitable under his father’s leadership and that Lorenz didn’t have to suffer for his father’s sins. Probably over mimosas and brunch. Lorenz is proud and has no appreciation for Claude, but he’s not stupid. After they worked out their disagreements and more or less accepted each other, Lorenz and Claude became pretty close. Claude knows that having someone to openly and aggressively disagree with him isn’t a bad thing. Not only that, but Lorenz’s a solid ally with a better grasp on some of the things Claude has difficulty with due to not being a native. Lorenz is willing to admit that Claude is a good leader.

~Marianne is well educated in the realm of the law and political action. The reason the Edmund family saw such success despite their lesser status was because of her adopted father’s genius. which he made sure to share with Marianne. She is invaluable in aiding Claude on the perfectly legitimate side of his business, and helping him hide his tracks for the shady stuff. Raphael is the muscle. Lysithea is a computer genius. Being a sickly shut in with issues that only recently saw treatment, she’s on the Mr. Robot level of hacker mode activated. Ignatz is an architect which is useful since so much of Claude’s power is in the property and infrastructure. He also designed a lot of places to have some neat-o hidey holes. Claude loves buildings that have secrets. Leonie is manages a lot of the physical and pettier side of the work. If someone’s stirring up trouble, she’s likely to pay them a visit as a warning before Claude has to get involved. She used to be a mercenary but being on Claude’s payroll is a lot better of a gig.    

~As for the suits, one thing is very important. Claude would not, under any circumstances, wear something tight on his thighs. I actually kind of like the idea of him going for a 1980′s style modernized. In his post timeskip outfit, he’s already got a hint of that going on with how oversized his outfit looks. The 80′s (rightfully) gets a bad rep for fashion, but it’s also very iconic with those wide-collared suit jackets, matchy-matchy three piece suits, sportscoats with a fun patterned shirt underneath, open blazers, pleated pants with an oversized jacket, and—in particular—the trend of summer suits in shades of tan and cream with colored shirts underneath. Then, combine that with a pair of Ray-Ban Aviators and a topless convertible and you’ve got a distinctly recognizable mob boss who doubles as a devastating heartthrob. I’m not saying he’d do a 1:1 recreation, but you’d definitely see references to the fashion of the era in his outfits. He would wear oxfords or ankle boots. Whatever it was, they’d have to be comfortable. He also doesn’t shy away from jewelry. The earring, of course, and rings when he's feeling particularly decadent. When he’s wearing his shirts unbuttoned Claude could possibly wear a gold chain. I mean, what are you gonna say, no? That gold doesn’t look gorgeous against his skin? That it’s tacky? You’re talking to the man who wore quilted pants. Claude’s not afraid to stand out because he knows he will anyway, nor is he afraid to be seen as unfashionable because he doesn’t particularly care about trends. I also enjoy the idea of him emulating the 80′s as someone who didn’t grow up in a western culture and thus mainly saw things through the lens of movies. Whatever he wears, however, he would look very handsome.

[tojiverse]

JUST FOR FUN pt 2

read pt 1 here part 3 here

toji fushiguro x f!reader

warnings: smut degredation swp creampie uhh just rough sex in gen overstim (lmk if i missed any!!)

After what you would like to call an incident, things between Toji and you weren’t the same. He now had a habit to quickly put you in your place, all with a smirk which was irritating to say the least. You found yourself trying to avoid him, any time he came too close you’d quickly put distance between the two of you, not wanting to deal with him yourself. Toji made it difficult for the distance to be kept, he truly enjoyed being able to make you squirm with just his presence. You were locked away within your office, which was the only moment you were Toji free.

“Come in,” You said softly as you filled out paperwork from your latest bounty, which was a success.

“Who knew you’d be stuck here all of sudden,” Toji said in a playful tone and you continued to do your work.

“What is it that you want Fushiguro?” You said, making sure your tone was dull, as you didn’t want to entertain him any longer.

“Why so cold all of a sudden? Am I bothering you that much?” He asks, faking a hurt look as his hand went over his chest, a small frown on his face.

“Truly, if you have no business with me then fuck off, God you’re annoying,” You said dismissing him with a small shoo motion and going back to work.

“Someone must need an attitude adjustment again, you’re being such a fucking brat,” Toji said in a growl, and you felt your face warm up.

A quick flashback of your previous intimate moment with him replayed in your head causing you to clench your thighs together.

“You’re a pervert Fushiguro, now get out. Don’t make me repeat myself,” You said, quieter than you had planned but you still meant it.

He smirked and went towards the door turning around to face you once again.

“I do hope I get to hear you whine and beg for me again,” He said before exiting your office.

You put your head in your hands groaning as he had worked you up and you weren’t going to chase after him. You sighed shifting into a comfortable position and then finishing for the day.

Several days went on like this, he’d invade your personal space, fluster you only to leave before you could think of a witty comeback. You took in a deep breath as you heard footsteps approaching your office once again. You got ready to pay him no mind, keeping your eyes focused on your work as he approached you.

“What do you want?” You said sternly, obviously not in the mood for his antics.

“Aw, come on don’t be a brat now, do you need an attitude adjustment?” He asked leaning over your whispering into your ear.

Your face flushed and you focused on your work, which led to Toji letting out an amused laugh. You felt his hand grip your face firmly and tug your face up so you’d look at him. He loved the innocent look you had in your eyes, doe eyes brimming with need and confusion. Toji could only smirk, seeing how much you needed him he leaned down slightly.

“You’re such a brat, but I know exactly what a needy slut like you needs, isn’t that right? You just want someone to break you until you’re crying fat tears isn’t that right sweetheart?” Toji asked and you found yourself nodding slightly. “Ah, use your words.”

“Yes, that’s what I want,” You said quietly and Toji only looked at you.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t quite hear you, speak up, and maybe, I’ll reward you,” Toji said and you flushed.

“Please Toji, that’s what I want,” You said a bit louder this time, it seemed to satisfy him.

He quickly picked you up, placing you on the desk, grabbing your wrists, and pinning you down. You remembered what he said last time and you kept your hands there. Toji noticed and smirked while calling you a good girl. Toji began to give you rough kisses on the neck, making sure your neck would be painted in a dark purple. You left out soft whimpers which only served to fuel his pace. He moved between your legs and you could feel his hard-on pressing against your core. Your back slightly arched, wanting to feel him more but a quick slap to your thigh and you stopped.

“You’re such an obedient whore for me, isn’t that right? My cute little fuck toy, that’s all you’re good for anyway,” He said in a condescending tone, and you felt it go straight to your core.

Toji’s hand slowly made it down, teasing touches along the way until he got to your pussy, which was already wet in anticipation for him. He ripped your stockings down the center and your eyes widened in shock, you were upset he had ripped them but knew better than to say anything. Toji moved your underwear to the side and began by easing a finger in, prepping you. You loved but hated the way his fingers made you feel, full —he managed to reach spots you couldn’t even dream to reach, on your own. Toji eased another finger in curling them slightly against your sweet spot, which caused your walls to flutter around him. You were babbling nonsense, nothing that came out of your mouth was coherent, just pleas for more.

“You need to lower your voice, or else someone might hear you and come in, oh? You must like that, you just clamped around my fingers,” Toji said and your eyes widened before looking away.

Toji quickly forced you to look back at him, eyes glaring down at you.

“Look away from me again and I’ll ruin every one of your orgasms, do I make myself clear?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yes, yes yes I’m sorry Toji,” You stuttered out remembering what he told you before.

“Good whore, You must love the idea of being found out hm? Anyone could come in at any moment and all they’d see is your gushing all over my fingers, maybe even creaming around my fat cock,” Toji whispered in your ear, which caused you to moan out softly.

Toji continued to finger you by using his thumb to play with your clit, causing your abdomen to tighten. Toji could tell you were close and only looked down at you with the same shit-eating grin as the last time.

“No, please, please, please, I promise I’ll be good please let me cum,” You pleaded with a whine following and his fingers only began to slow down.

“Who does this pussy belong to, hm?” “You!” “Oh? And who’s the only person who makes you feel this good hm?” He asked while picking up the pace.

You choked on your saliva, his fingers hitting the perfect spot.

“You! Only you Toji please,” You pleaded desperately, stuttering his name as if though you were praying to him.

“Yeah, that’s right you whore, I’m gonna wreck yer cunt to the point where only I can pleasure you, you’ll only crave me,” He said, and he meant it as not only a threat, but a promise as well.

Right after, you reached your peak, gushing all over his fingers as your hips shook slightly from the overwhelming amount of pleasure. You only whined and mindlessly babbled incoherently, words not making any sort of sense to you while drooling slightly. Toji helped you ride out your high, taking his fingers out and tasting you with a smirk.

“Always so sweet for me,” He said and you whimpered.

Toji pulled his pants down followed by his boxers and your eyes widened. You honestly didn’t remember him being this big. His cock had a bit of precum flowing out as it slapped his stomach.

“Aw come on, don’t tell me you can’t take me? Such a shame too isn’t it?” He said going to pull his pants back up but you quickly shook your head.

“No, no I can I promise, please,” You pleaded and he smirked.

He lined himself up with your core before slipping himself in a fluid motion causing your back to arch, you swore you could see stars. He gave you a second to adjust to him before he began to just abuse your pussy. All that could be heard within the room was skin slapping and your whines. Toji quickly stuck his fingers in your mouth in order to silence you, as he didn’t feel like getting caught. You could only whine as he hit your g-spot repeatedly, you felt your orgasm rushing at you.

“‘M so close Toji, please,” You pleaded and he shook his head.

“Aw, it’s too early for that isn’t it? You cum when I allow you to,” Toji said and you let out a desperate whine.

This only further encouraged him to bring his thumb over your clit and began to play with it which caused you to clench around him even harder.

“So tight for me, fuck, your cunt was made for me and only me, shit, so good for me baby,” He said and you whined softly.

He began to pound roughly into you while gagging you with his fingers, ensuring that you wouldn’t get loud. You felt your high quickly approaching as you clenched around him tightly causing him to groan.

“Yeah, that’s it slut, cum all over my cock, wanna see you gush all over me,” He said, and with that, you squirted on him while moaning loudly.

Toji looked down in shock, soon smirking and looking at you. He continued to thrust roughly through your high helping you ride it out. As soon as you stopped twitching he began to thrust again causing you to look up at him.

“Aw, you didn’t think we were done did you? I know you have one more in there for me, now be a good fuck toy for me,” He said and you nodded.

Toji picked you up from the desk and put his hands on your waist and began to fuck you while standing up. You felt like he had somehow reached deeper into you and you dug your nails into his back as you moaned quietly.

“So good Toji, so so so good!” You said loudly at the end when he had reached your g spot.

You quickly took this opportunity to leave him with the same hickeys he gave you which caused him to curse under his breath.

“You’re such a bad girl hm? I guess I should fuck you like a whore then,” He said and you tightened around him, aroused by the idea.

He only smirked and began to thrust harder into you, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. You began to chant his name like a mantra, not caring who could hear you at this point, you were too lost in what he had to offer. You quickly felt your third high approaching and Toji could also feel his.

“You cum when I do, don’t forget that,” He growled and you desperately nodded.

Toji’s thrust became sloppy and you both reached your highs at the same time, you gushed around him as he looked down watching his load seep out of you with a smirk. You both caught your breath and you quickly realized the situation you were in. Your eyes widened as you quickly put both your hands against his chest and you pushed against him.

“Let me down, you have to leave,” You said quickly while Toji only smirked.

He pulled out stuffing his cum right back into you with a smirk, before slipping your underwear back over. You whimpered at the empty feeling and carefully unwrapped your legs from his waist, your legs shaking as you stood. Toji could only laugh which caused you to glare at him, eyes swimming with hatred once again.

“Get out Toji,” You said firmly and he only looked at you.

“You have to admit it, you don’t really hate me, you love the way I fuck you, I can tell,” He said and you rolled your eyes.

Before leaving he grabbed your neck and leaned down giving you a rough sloppy kiss, which only left you wanting more. He left throwing a wink in your direction and you felt like screaming. God this man frustrated you but he fucked you so well you couldn’t help but want more. When you got home to your estate, your clan advisors were waiting for you. Your heart was in your throat as you quickly walked in with them and they began to prep you for your meeting. When you walked through the doors in there waiting for you was Kai Satoru and a representative of the Zenin Clan. You felt your heart drop, as this only screamed some sort of marriage proposal. You sat down across from them, your advisors behind you, and the meeting began. You felt as if time had dragged on, it honestly felt like the meeting had gone on for hours when in reality you were only one hour in.

“(y/n) we want to offer an alliance between the Satoru clan and yours, but it would have to be fortified through marriage,” Kai said and your eyes widened.

If you were to get married Kai would become the head of the clan and you’d be fucked over for good, being stripped of all power and forced to be some trophy wife, and you would rather die than let that happen. Kai noticed your hesitation and spoke up before you could object.

“I know traditional marriage laws would imply that I would become head of your clan, but we can alter it completely so that you remain in power,” Kai said quickly and you stared.

“Although both offers I have been offered are enticing, I need time to work them over with my advisors, it’s getting late and I would hate for anything bad to happen,” You said and both men nodded.

All of you got up bowing and then two of the advisors helped the men find their way out. You followed and noticed a white-haired boy quickly join Kai, who only stared at you. It quickly clicked who the boy was, Gojo Satoru. You soon were dragged back into the room and sat in front of your advisors.

“So, which deal are you more inclined to take? Both the Zenin and Satoru clan are highly powerful, and marriage with either of them would clean the clan name,” One of them, Kaisa, said quickly, the others nodding.

“I don’t know the offer the Satoru clan ensures that I remain as head of the clan until an heir is produced and of age, but marriage right now is scary,” You said and they nodded.

“You’re going to have to get married soon,” One of them spoke up and you could only nod.

[helenazbmrskai]

Fuckboy Training 1

Part 1 – Part 2 – Part 3 – Part 4 – Part 5 (end) 

Pairing – Gym Instructor! Jungkook x OC

Genre – College AU, Fuckboy AU, Gym Club AU, Boxing AU, Sport AU, Enemies To Lovers, Smut, Angst

Summary – [There’s a fitness club at your University run by the seven most popular kids in school, girls usually come in long lines the unwritten rule is you can get free exercise after training if you know what I mean *wink*]

Warnings – fuckboys, semi-slow burn, mention of sex, mutual pining, jealous oc, exercise (yuk), bantering, sexual tension, jk is a lil’ shit here but we love him

Word Count – (6,6k)

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⤷ Part of Bangtan Gym Club

Sweat drips down on the side of my temple I'm glad at least I was smart enough to arrange my hair into a bun so the long curls don't stick to the skin on my back but maybe I should reconsider it because when I look up I see Jungkook's eyes trained on my form but not in a professional way, no, his eyes settled on looking at the swell of my breasts that's peeping through the thin gym shirt giving him the best view while doing my routine push-ups. 

I groan feeling my arms wobbling trying hard to accommodate the full weight of my body on them. My stamina increased since I started training with Jungkook I give him the credit for that but the constant trying to get me wet in another sense that doesn't involve sweat makes it hard for me to enjoy the activity, all he does is stare at every skin I'm showing and boss around with a shit-eating grin on his face. I start to think it's a package deal with him.

"You better not staring at my boobs," I call out, panting from the heavy exercise, it's one of those moments when I wish Yoongi would be still my trainer it was unfortunate he had to rearrange my classes since he got so many students this year that our schedule just never seemed to fit anymore. I'm not saying Jungkook is a bad trainer, actually, he's good at pushing me to the limits without overdoing it, but still making the exercise challenging. It's the additional fuckboy attitude I'm sick of even though I told him so many times verbally and nonverbally that I'm not going to fuck him anytime soon. 

I learned soon enough that he doesn't take no for an answer thinking that a challenge makes the sex more rewarding (not my words his).

"I'll stop with the stares if you give in. I'm open to other activities after our class you know." His smirk deepened if the new tactic of seduction is to make me go nuts to the point of breaking and giving in, well, it's half working. He's handsome and that cocky attitude of his emits the big dick energy. The only thing that holds me back now honestly is that I know nobody told him no to sex before and I like seeing him frustrated. The numerous attempts to get me under him almost comical.

"In your dreams." I scoff already forgot the number of push-ups I did so far but I estimated that I reached at least 15. I try to catch my breath resting my sweaty hands on my knees stretching my legs out on the floor.

"You can rest for five min. Here." From the pocket of his sweatpants, he handed me two rolls of gauze. Finally, we are getting to the fun part. I always thought boxing looked cool I enjoyed seeing the practices but not the matches. I'm not a huge fan of the sight of blood, to be honest. Boxing is healthy but dangerous when it becomes a job. 

Yoongi was a good box teacher that's why I initially begin to love it, even though our start was not ideal per se, at our first training he made a move on me and we had an ugly fight because of that. Girls who come here often come for sex and not to actually use the gym. I learned from that experience that Yoongi doesn't beat around the bush he doesn't like to waste his energy trying to train someone who doesn't have a willing bone in his/her body. My plan was originally to tell him on our next lesson I'll quit but he apologised realising that I'm actually here to learn and after that, he never questioned my willingness. He probably told our tale to Jungkook about our rough start that's why he was not so surprised when I declined his proposal for extracurricular activity.

I rarely get to see Yoongi since our timelines never seem to crash, at first it was weird going about my day without his sarcastic remarks and stoic personality.  

"It's not tight enough you'll injure yourself if you don't wrap it right." Letting his hand remove the poor attempt of wrapping my hand up with the gauze he plopped down in front of me between my outstretched legs his knee bumping against my thighs either side.

"Yoongi used to do this for me," I tell him, my nostalgic expression can be easily confused as longing, he looks up with a snort he always pouts when I bring up my former trainer, he doesn't like how comfortable I am with Yoongi and not him. His larger hands moved smoothly over mine wrapping the fabric in a more secure way while his other hand holding my wrists in a firm grip. Calluses hardened the skin on his palm symbolising that he works out regularly if his body was not a clear sign of that. I shouldn't imagine those hands elsewhere roaming around my body grabbing something else and not my wrists with them. I'm glad he's so focused on my hands that he couldn't see the expression I'm having drooling after him. It's not that long ago that I started training with Jungkook a few weeks maybe a month or so but it's getting harder and harder to keep the promise I made for myself intact. 

"Not too tight, right?" He let go of my hands allowing me to test out if I can move them properly and nothing is uncomfortable, it was great. I nodded giving him a rare alluring smile and surprisingly he didn't attempt to play snobbish he just smiled back with a cute bunny smile it's one of those precious but hard moments making it difficult for me not to jump his bones at this instant. I like him better when he's not cocky I think he has a misconception what means being cocky instead of being confidently sexy.  

"Let's continue where we left off last week," Jungkook suggests and I nod accepting his hand to pull me up from the ground. He moves to stand in front of the punching bag making eye-contact before proceeding. "I'll show you how to do a sidekick." I nod already anticipating what he's gonna do next, pulling his hands up into a starting position he concentrates solely on the 'opponent' before him I got distracted for a moment or two, he just looks so fucking hot when he's focusing. His left leg situated a bit ahead than the left mirroring the position the hands are in. "Even though it's called a sidekick you have to cross your legs like this." He instructs following his own words. "Then you lift your leg give it a flip and then kick with a single motion." His dominant leg comes up his thigh horizontal for a second before straightening his shin hitting the bag with a loud bang he retreats into the starter position while the punching bag swings by the sheer force of his kick. He repeats it for five more times slower and faster in tempo to let me memorise the movements before making me do it. 

"Your turn." Jungkook grins tilting his head to the side he didn't even break a sweat doing the kicks perfectly (at least in my opinion it was done perfectly) I'm jealous how strong he is. I swap spots with him getting into the starter position without being told. He stops the bag from swinging his hands keep the object in place.

"Are you going to hold it? What if I kick you?" The concern in my voice is unintentionally showing and it makes me diffident how Jungkook finds my worries entertaining since he laughs so hard, throwing his head back for a couple of seconds exposing his immaculate neck. 

"Don't worry angel I can handle it." The smugness radiating from him makes me feel less worried about him in an instant and angrier about how he underestimates me because I'm a girl. He clearly forgot I was trained by Yoongi. He told me my kick is a killer. 

Every muscle in my body aches to show him what I'm capable of, it takes two practice runs before I can aim nicely using my core strength to leave an impact balancing my weight is something I'm already good at. It surprises him he wasn't holding onto the bag strong enough so the bag slips out of his hands hitting him in the face. I hold back my laughter as I watch him rub his nose where the bag hit him. 

"Sorry, I thought you can handle it." I grin just as smugly as he did formerly satisfied by the seemingly indifferent look he gives me but I can see his nose scrunched all up indicating his displeasure and maybe a hurt pride. As he is about to reply to my comment probably with an equal teasing one, two boys burst through the double doors filling the practice room with their laughter, we turn around to see who's about to interrupt our session. I didn't check the time so I don't know if our time is up or not. 

"Hey, Kookie you're not done yet?" Hoseok asked the younger boy, I remember seeing him around and Hoseok seemed to recognise me as well I'm a regular so it's not a surprise. However, we never spoke much I occasionally said hi to him when Yoongi was my trainer and he often appeared at the end of our sessions to fetch him up to hit the clubs or something like that. It's early in the morning so I don't think that's the case right now. 

The second man wears a grumpy expression until he sees me next to the boy a big smile stretches across his face patting the top of my head out of instinct after our sessions it was always Yoongi's way of showing I did a good job, I realise just now how much I missed that gesture of his.

"Yoongi." I greet him excitedly throwing my hands around his waist not caring about my sweaty body and he doesn't seem to care either since he envelopes me in an equally as enthusiastic hug. The smell of his perfume is calming in a sense of familiarity.

"Y/N, long time no see." He ruffles my hair keeping his hand on my shoulder but all too soon releasing me from the hug. Hoseok coo at the scene unfolding in front of his very eyes knowing our dynamics so well but never misses an opportunity to tease, and tells me his greeting by the form of an overjoyed grin. 

"We are just finished. What's up?" Jungkook interjects not amused by all of this at all. 

"Don't tell me you forgot about our study session again. Come on, shower and let's get going. Jin will flip you over the table if you fail calculus. Again." I can't help but chuckle at the image of Jin doing something like that. I talked with him a few times at the reception as he waited for his student to arrive and I still had a couple of minutes to spare prior mine, Jin is a real gentleman and he took a liking to me once I laughed at his dad jokes. When I see him around campus he occasionally gives me candy to cheer me up if he sees I'm having a bad day and permanently showering me with warm smiles. At first, it was hard to believe he had as many flings as the others in the group circle of his friends everyone knows he's a flirt but still maintains the title as a gentleman. It's an extraordinary combination only he can manage. 

"Y/N, wanna have lunch together?" Yoongi catches my attention removing his hand from my shoulder to give my head a final caress not really concentrating on the conversation the other two has, they are bickering like usual.

"You don't have to attend the study session?" I question him with a confused expression, referring back to the conversation Hoseok and Jungkook so heatedly discuss.  

"No, It's for the ones who fail classes and my grades are great. It was Jin's idea to gather them together and force them to study only me and Namjoon are the ones who are passing with flying colours and of course, Jin is the babysitter." I nod in understanding letting out a soft 'ah' in return. 

"If that's the case I would love to. I don't think I saw you since this year started it feels weird not seeing you at least once a week." I pout in disappointment and it earns a huge grin on Yoongi's part.

"Yeah, this year kicks my ass so many classes and having so many students just not something I could do. It wasn't intentional to give your classes to someone else I hope you know that." The bitter expression on his profile indicates his sincere thoughts, he and Namjoon are in their final year at university while the others still have years ahead of them just like me. Jin finished his studies last year and bought the gym we are currently located at, he was an employee way before the others started working here, being a business major is really paying him back seeing how popular this place is. Looking fine as hell is something I think contributes to his success as well, not saying he's not smart enough though to maintain all of this.

"I know you didn't have a choice. How about we finally exchange numbers? I miss talking to you." I offer boldly a faint blush appears on my pale skin as I hear a faint 'wow how smooth' from the sullen-looking Jungkook I roll my eyes at that inserting an annoyed 'It's not like that asshole' before looking back at Yoongi, by all means, he's not fazed at all because of my request we are acquaintances for over a year now and he knows I'm not harbouring romantic feeling towards him.

"Sure. Let's go I'm hungry." He nods motioning for the door I detect the faint sound of Hoseok's whining how he wants to go and eat with us instead of paying a visit to the library. The two boys catch up to us soon as we leave the facility together, Yoongi is bound to a promise to see them off before he can go to his merry way so we walk to the library first it's a fifteen-minute stroll from the gym and within those fifteen minutes, I was stared at by multiple people multiple times. 

Is it that shocking to see them walk with a representative of the other sex? I guess since I'm walking with Yoongi, Jungkook and Hoseok only Jimin is missing from the repertoire and we get the answer to that question, as they are famous for screwing the girls over, under and sideways. Walking with girls not to mention talking to girls is something only Namjoon or Jin does, occasionally Taehyung if he's interested but not those three. Oh my, Eui will snatch her wig off if she catches wind of this and considering who I am walking with the news will probably blow up in campus, now I remember why I never hang around those guys except for the fact that they would get rid of my underwear for me in a second if I would ever let them get a chance. Even Yoongi expressed his willingness for some action way before we started to become close and the reason we became close is that he respected my decision not giving into primal desires. 

"I feel like I'm going to be famous." Despite how others would think the idea wasn't so tempting to me at least, Hoseok giggles his dimples showing in the process he scoots a little closer to where I'm walking alongside Yoongi and pinches my cheeks.

"You are adorable when you act all shy." The statement makes Yoongi giggle in unison. For the first time, the company of Jeon Jungkook doesn't seem so bad, I pick up my pace to roam alongside him but the silence is awkward even if I can hear Yoongi and Hoseok teasing each other in the distance long forgotten about me. Those two are really close. 

"Do you have plans for the weekend?" I ask Jungkook casually, I thought it would be a great question to break the ice, but I couldn't be more wrong, the question hit every fuckboy bone in his body with full force. The smirk I got aquatinted with so many times now started to grow on his face.  

"You'd like to know, huh?" 

The eye-roll came a second later hearing his reply. Why was I even trying to converse with him in the first place? I prefer his serious side over this one, he's so much cooler when he focuses his eyes purely on the task at hand, how his low voice sounds so much sexier as he gives instructions with detail, every movement of his body sharp but disciplined toned muscles dripping with sweat, what a sight indeed. I don't realise the sigh escaping my lips I was too caught up with daydreaming to pay attention to his cocky smirk but taking a glimpse at his face and the image shatters into a million pieces. 

"Daydreaming about me?" 

Actually yes. Although, that's something I would never willingly say out loud even if my life was on the line. 

"Yeah. Daydreaming about my hands around your throat .." I start sensually deceiving him for a moment before continuing on a different path he imagined ".. as I fucking choke you to death." I puff out in a long breath, I am absolutely screwed having a crush on the biggest fuckboy on Earth. It's definitely not something that was on my bucket list for this semester. I don't even want to think about the possibility of him finding out my little secret, that would be truly the end of the world, I imagine he would take me over, under and sideways with the biggest and smuggest grin plastered on his face on the entire planet learning that the only girl that didn't drop down on her knees just seeing his godly sculptured body with a six-pack has a crush on him. His joy would be out of this world. It would mean he could actually have every girl he wants and I'm a huge feminist with strong beliefs, ensuring that doesn't happen under my watch. 

"Well see you off motherfuckers." Yoongi grabs my hand pulling me into the other direction where we originally came from probably heading for the diners and cafes when we arrive at the entrance of the library. My talk with Jungkook was cut short, not that it was an actual conversation worth pursuing. 

Hoseok tries to bat his eyelashes as the last attempt of getting freed from Jungkook's vice grip pulling him towards the entrance I gave him a hopeful thumbs-up, well, it didn't cheer him up as I intended but Yoongi didn't let him guilt-trip me into helping him escape the study session. Smart idea because Hoseok's puppy eyes are mastered to its full potential may I tell you. 

Yoongi seems to have a place in mind since he didn't ask if I have a suggestion or not where to eat.

"How's Uni treating you?" Yoongi seeks conversation when we finally took our seats in a cosy coffee shop facing each other, we choose to sit near the window leaving two tables empty around us so we can have a private conversation in spite of the piercing gazes, the cool temperature from the place's AC made the weather bearable it's so hot outside that I was concerned if I'm going to melt into the concrete on our way here.  

"So far so good, but we are still at the beginning of the semester." 

I accept the cafe's printed menu from his outstretched hands scanning the content quickly and asking for a latte sided with a cheese sandwich and fruit bowl in size small, Yoongi ordered an americano with brownies and Nutella pancake. For someone who handles his coffee black, he definitely has a sweet tooth, it's cute. 

I wonder if any of those girls who slept with him know this piece of information about him, probably not. Moments like these make my decision worth it for not giving in and sleeping with them. It must be some everlasting fuckboy shit that states never contact a girl ever again you once slept with, and if I think about it it's not that unreasonable this way the girl doesn't have the chance of catching feelings and complicate things. They are ok with crushes since that's the reason most girls go for them but love is something they are not searching for.  

"How's training with Kook?" Yoongi shifts his eyes back to observe my face once the waiter wrote down our order and went to tend to other tables. 

"He's a little shit, but you were right. He's a good teacher if I ignore his shitty attitude and constant efforts to flirt in the middle of training. If I can be honest I would rather train with you." 

The whole truth would be that he's distracting me and sometimes I physically have to hold myself back from ogling at his body like it's fine china. There was one time when I got a glimpse of his underwear during doing his squats prior to our class and I was told to go and warm-up as well that I bumped into the punching bag so hard watching him that I almost landed on my face but I played it off with pretending I was going to do push-ups. It would have been a very humiliating experience on my part but I was lucky that day for the reason that he didn't see it, fortunately.

"I would like that too." He adds even so we can't do anything about this our schedule clash and it's not like either of us could ask for a change the classes and other stuff are inflexible and it's his last year too.

"What are you been up to?" I ask actually very curious to hear his answer, it's a first to talk outside of the gym with him and about personal matters, we talked about general stuff when we were training together during breaks but not like this. 

"Teachers think I'm shitting on my ass all day so I have plenty of time doing their assignments it's a month since Uni started and I can count on my fingers how many frat parties I have visited not to say the number of girls I fucked.."  Stopping his angry rambling with lifting both my hands up in the air seems to works since he eventually shuts up. 

"I don't need details about that, thank you very much." Hearing the number of how many girls got under him is not what I was curious about. That's something he can ramble to the other fuckboys. 

"Sorry." He apologises quickly I roll my eyes at this frown, not that it bothers me I just hoped for a more meaningful conversation that's not about boxing techniques or related to his fuckboy mentality, I fairly consider calling it their job that's how serious they are. Who I am to tell them to get a girlfriend and grow some balls. 

"What about the music project you talked about last year? You and Namjoon wanted to write a song for our Uni's radio, right?" I suddenly remembered he seemed quite excited about that if I recall the memory correctly. 

"You remember that? I'm impressed only Hoseok was slightly interested in that."

"I mean, I'm not here to talk about your fuckboy bullshit so.." I trail off, causing him to giggle at my bluntness. 

"Right. Are you really interested?" He leans closer pressing his hands on the empty table before us to balance his weight, we are still waiting for our food and drinks so there's nothing to knock over.

"That's why I asked." I deadpan. Yoongi grins putting his ass back to his seat once our order finally came.  I put two cones of sugar into my latte as predictably Yoongi doesn't he starts sipping on his drink as soon as it was placed before him. 

"Let's go to my place after we're finished here I'm going to show you my song." A little sceptic about the second part once hearing the first one but I nod nonetheless. 

"You better not invite me to have sex or I'll show my hands up your ass in a non-sexual way." I threaten but he doesn't appear to be so disturbed about it, not that I expected it. The playful way he rolls his eyes all the confirmation I needed.

Yoongi offers a bite from his pancake and I offer some of my sugar-coated fruit from my plate a few lines of random small talk and a half-devoured sandwich later we decided it's time to pay and leave, I insisted splitting the bill in half but he refused to bend to my suggestion, calling this 'coffee date' as he put it, his apology treat since he couldn't train me anymore.

As we exited the shop I got excited over the idea that I'll be able to see the nest also I had to make a mental note of investigating the furniture before sitting down anywhere don't want to have a mental breakdown over an unknown stain. Probably wishful thinking that they didn't fucked on every available surface in that house, let's see the facts they are fuckboys who throw frat parties. 

Wow, this is a nice neighbourhood and not that far from University either I would kill to live this close to everything. Yoongi watches as I awe at the modern building his expression is quite smug but I'll let him be since it's something to be smug about in my book at least. Others measure their dicks I measure their house, my life policy. 

"I can't believe I'll see your house and I didn't even have to offer my body up for it." I snicker around once we step inside the elevator Yoongi pushes the button to the 4th floor with a chuckle and the doors closing soon after with a soft thud.  

"My offer is still available." He teases earning a big slap against his shoulder. As we reach our destination and the doors are opening up again, a young couple steps aside as they realise the elevator is occupied to leave us some room to exit without bumping into each other they must have some sort of experience with Yoongi and his habits since I get some weird and not so subtle stares from them. I guess I'm not the first bimbo - or the last - for that matter to follow him into the depths of his house however I'm here for an entirely different reason. 

Yoongi fidgets with the locks for a minute before successfully letting me in, he offers me a pair of slippers that are too big for my foot to fit in comfortably but I accept it nonetheless. 

His room is the one on the left next to the master bathroom there's a complete studio built up in his room I'm beyond amazed by the effort and the technical stuff seems like it costs a lot of money I didn't know he's that serious about making music I thought it's just a hobby of his. 

"This is amazing Yoongi." I voice out my thoughts looking around attentively, he gets shy, not used to being complimented about his passion on music, there's a piano standing tall in the corner I wonder if he can play it. Probably can.

"Wait till you hear my song." He hands me his black headphones seemingly nervous to hear my opinion on the song he worked so hard on, but I'm sure it will be good I know it for a fact that he has good taste in music I often asked for his workout playlist last year and it never let me down once, he pulls up the mp3 file waiting for me to adjust the straps before clicking on the play button. It's a fast-paced song and it's him and Namjoon rapping through the whole song the dynamics of their flow is sick, their voices blend well with each other I'm officially obsessed with this, it's impossible to take in every detail so I excitedly demand to hear it again and he obligates softening up his tense posture as he realises I love his song so much. "Woah, Yoongi this is.." I start when the door suddenly cracks open a few heads peeking into the room finding me and Yoongi sitting close to each other in front of his computer with the headphones still on, covering my ears.

"Hyung, we ordered pizza if you .. want some. Hi there." Taehyung talks animatedly before catching a glimpse at my body recognition sparks in his dark orbs a boyish boxy grin crawling his way upon his face, Jimin and Jungkook standing close behind Taehyung fighting for the little remaining space the slightly opened door provides.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" Jungkook urges me to answer, narrowing his eyes at me dubiously looking back and forth between me and Yoongi, I pierce two and two together what he's thinking. They think we slept together while they were at the library. 

"Yoongi showed me something," I reply not putting more distance within me and Yoongi it won't help me clear the misunderstanding by suddenly jumping up, it would be even more suspicious if I did that. I think about how to lessen the seriousness of the situation, but Yoongi had other plans hugging my body from behind.

"I hope it's not his dick." Jimin retorts, not sure if it was supposed to be a joke or not - either way - I laugh awkwardly peeling off his hands from around me to stand up grabbing my bag that I set next to the foot of the chair when we sat down listening to his track. 

"She saw his dick already, remember when he accidentally tripped on his pants exposing - little Yoongi - to the entire lobby." Oh right, I was fortunate to forget that incident until Hoseok pointed it out again. Hoseok's figure forces his way over to us grabbing my chin to tilt it to the right then to the left side, examining me with sudden coolness searching for something on my neck. "No marks, we all know Yoongi is a kinky fucker so it could mean one thing. I announce they didn't fuck, meeting closed."

I roll my eyes at that. "That hard to accept not every girl wants to fuck you guys?" Yet, later that night I'm forced to eat my own words.

I stand in the dim lighting of the living room in a frat house that the biggest frat boys threw and I absolutely hate it. I'm not against the fun or the sex for that matter, my problem starts and ends with the guys initiating it. I should have totally declined the invitation but I had no choice when they started drinking before even the party began while eating pizza gathering around the big carpet on the floor talking, Hoseok's puppy eyes worked this time since I reconsidered my quick exit, and my brain thought it would be a good opportunity to get to know them better, well it obviously wasn't. After a few shots Jimin oh so relentlessly poured for me, I stopped protesting and I became an immersed listener to the drunken mumbling. 

I'm clinging onto my solo cup with a deep frown on my face like I swallowed a whole lemon by myself - that's unfortunately not the case - and it's not for the burning taste of alcohol either. My uninterested stare helped me get rid of the guys in our vicinity and I took pleasure in just talking with a friend from class. Guys my age still think it's a legit way to show a girl he's interested to pull on her hair and it's ridiculous. It wasn't working even when we were five. My frown only deepens when I catch wind of a said boy making his way over to me and a friend of mine I encountered not a while ago with a drunken smirk. I've seen so many of those that I can detect them from a miles away, his expression like an open book thinking about how he's about to get lucky only a fishing rod away and he would be the epitome of a regular fuckboy. Some boys are lucky and there's a bunch of them who aren't so. He clearly thinks he belongs to the first team but I'm about to show him he in fact not.

"Hey sweetheart, you look stunning today." I snort in an unladylike manner, of course, he's going for the shy type, those guys are the insecure ones they're content playing with the small fishes not to disturb the peace of the sharks.  

"Hey jackass, you look like someone who's about to head back with a bleeding nose." He looked taken aback for a minute hearing my retort before regaining his composure the smirk returns that makes me want to break his nose even more. The guy turns to my direction to give me a hard glare, how charming. 

"I wasn't talking to you bitch." He spits out, he already had too much to drink.  I let out a humourless laugh, wow, guys these days really, I press my tongue to the roof of my mouth before I do something I will definitely not regret. 

"Y/N?" Namjoon calling my name with a sense of protectiveness calms me down for a bit, seeing the mortification on the guy's face as Namjoon bows down to whisper into my ear is priceless enough. I guess I could get that nose bleed delivered another time. "Is he bothering you?" His palm rests on the small of my back rubbing comforting circles into the skin there's the fabric of my shirt shielding his touch to truly feel it but his warm digits on top of my right ass cheek make a blush slowly forming on my appearance.  

"He tried to get into my friend's pants. No worries Jonnie I have everything under control though." I decide to land a kiss on his cheek making use of the balanced height difference, a good-natured smile appears on his face, he's cute even when he's drunk, I swear the tip of his ears turning pink too due to the gesture and I coo at his shyness, it's not something to witness everyday just when he's caught off guard. 

"Want me to kick him out?" The raspy voice undoubtedly belongs to Yoongi the words echo in my ear while his breath hits the side of my face as he takes his place next to me mirroring Namjoon's posture by sliding his hand around my shoulder. The guy's getting uncomfortable once the sharks start to show up. 

"I think you guys already made him shit his pants so no. I'll let this slide since I'm feeling generous tonight." I place both my hands around their waists the jealous stares I'm getting is a familiar sight, it's no secret if the girl is pretty they are down to do the dirty but I'm the only one they keep around and I wasn't even fucked by any of them it's a rule of mine not to complicate things. They are attractive, to be honest attractive is an understatement but I'm not stupid I know them long enough to see a relationship won't be in sight no matter how hard I would try and I'm not interested in anything less. 

Even though they sure think more with their dicks than with their brains they're actually turned out to be good friend materials if I overlook the fuckboy component. They have their unique styles to show they care. Looking around aimlessly I spot Jungkook making out with a girl near the kitchen and a pang of jealousy hits me. I need more drinks to get through this night without causing any more scene. 

This is why I never visit a party I know Jungkook will be in attendance, that's one thing knowing he fucks around and it's an entirely different story seeing him do it with my very eyes witnessing the act. I tell the boys I'll get something from the kitchen since my cup is empty and they nod. They don't need to know that cup is empty for a reason, my plan was to drink less avoiding slipping on my obvious actions, I need to keep the facade protected no one can know I have feelings for that asshole Jungkook, especially not him. 

It's enough to make one mistake if someone finds out the news after some time will hit his ears sooner or later. I stride in the direction where the boose at accidentally bumping into Jungkook and to the girl he was passionately making out, the spent guy who is the cause of our bump yells angrily that seems like a representative of a 'watch out where are you going' that doesn't sound like an apology, I should have left when I had the chance it seems like nothing wants to work out for me on this day. 

On a scale measuring how drunk he is from one to ten he is a big ass ten, it surprises me how easily Jungkook snakes his hands protectively around my waist spurring out swears at the guy his form towers over my shorter body as a silent mewl leaves the back of my throat due to the proximity, I can feel every muscle of his body leaning into me, the way he's pushing his stomach against my back I could make out the outline of his dick pressing to my ass probably thanks to his interrupted make-out session. I break out of his hold angry at the fact how disturbed I am about pressing his boner into me when it wasn't me who caused it. 

"I don't need your help," I yell, channelling all my frustration to tell his ears off. "Go back to your one night stand and leave me the fuck alone." I press my long nail into his chest index finger probing him to make an emphasis. 

[mythiccheroacademia]

Delivery HCs with 1-A’s Big Three

A/N: Maybe I’m a bit biased because I want to be a pediatrician when I’m older, but I think children are the true gems of the world. I’ve seen a few deliveries in my life, and it’s a moment that not even magic can explain. I can only imagine what it’s like for the parents--to see the baby you’d start a war for if need be. So, here’s my attempt to translate that special love within a headcanon. 

Enjoy and continue to stay safe honey bunnies

Also, remember to thank a (good) mother for being literal superheroes once in awhile. Delivering is no joke!

Warnings: all the wonderful things that come with pushing a baby out of a 3-4in hole

All characters are aged 18+

Midoryia Izuku:

when you and your husband got to the hospital, the nurses were suprised to find you laughing and your husband muttering 

they soon came to find out he was reciting how to books about delivery

word-for-word

the buff, muscley, #1 hero who scared villains into a crime rate of 2% was wiggling his knees in fear every time you had a contraction

he was running around, calling his friends and family about how he was going to combust

asked you every five minutes if you were ready to push 

“izu, honey, i don’t think it works like that”

“true....but are you ready?”

it was funny

but it stopped being funny after 14 hours of labor, when the contractions got really bad

now you were just snapping at izuku to quiet down otherwise you’d united states smash his face in

him: 😧

the nurses: 👀

he knows you’re in pain but damn 

it’s a relief when you get the epidural 

after that, it was a relatively smooth birth 

it still hurt like hell, but your husband is holding your hand, giving you encouraging kisses

one final push and the baby is out

immediately, the little boy is screaming his head off making his presence known

you let your head fall back with a relieved sigh as your body works to get the placenta out

whiles you do tiny pushes, izuku is in a love-struck daze as he stares at your son

it’s like he has tunnel vision

suddenly, nothing in his life was ever more important than this tiny little human who couldn’t weigh more than his left hand

the nurses hand you your son and you laugh through your happy tears

“it looks like i’ve got two cry-babies to deal with now” you lovingly smile

izuku is on his knees, sobbing, kissing your forehead and rubbing his finger against his child’s cheek

he’s so thankful

he’s so very thankful, he doesn’t even know how to comprehend it

you’re the best hero in his eyes

“he’s so beautiful” he repeats, like a broken record

there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you or his son

he silently makes an oath to do everything in his power to see his family smile with security every day

izuku feels like he finally knows what being #1 truly is

Bakugo Katsuki:

pregnancy wasn’t easy for you 

having twins wasn’t rare, but it made the process riskier

giving birth is still quite dangerous, like women are superheroes bruh

due to forseen complications, you were scheduled for a c-section 

unfortunately, you’re blood pressure sky-rocketed and you had to deliver your babies two weeks early

on the way to the hospital, your contractions were tearing you apart

during each shake and scream you gave, katsuki would hold your shoulder and let you dig your nails into his arms

he took it without complaint

it was like you were a different person when a contraction hit

you never complained about the pain, but he could tell you wanted it to end with how your head would fall like dead weight

never admits to the few tears that slipped past his cheeks

he never wanted to see you like this again 

when you make it to the hospital, they wheel you into the surgery room and he follows after

is relieved to see that you can no longer feel the contractions

in fact, even with all the IVs in you, you seem a lot better--more alert

he makes his way over to you 

“sorry for the car ride. i think i drooled. i probably looked gross. still do” you joke

he speaks in the softest voice you’ve ever heard, kiss your dry lips

“no baby, you look beauitful” 

and he means it

you do. you’re the most beautiful woman he knows

you feel a lot of pressure as they take the babies out, but once they do, the sounds of your children make you tear up

bakugo is frozen as he watches his babies, one boy one girl, get cleaned up

there’s a softness in the air as the nurses lay the boy on your chest and the girl in katsuki’s arms

your heart explodes with so much love that the heart monitor does a little jump that makes everyone laugh

but katsuki makes a pained expression before lowering himself so that his forehead rests beside your ear

he can’t tell what he’s feeling bc he’s felt love before but this was different

this was so overwhelming that it sent his knees buckling

you use your free hand to smooth down his hair as he cries 

“thank you” is all he’s able to say until the tears are gone

Todoroki Shouto:

when shouto looks back on one of the happiest days of his life, all he feels is shame and embarrassment 

he was just doing everything wrong that day

no thoughts, head empty

of course you had to go into labor the day he decided to take a tiny job 30 fucking minutes away from the hospital 

he made it to you in 20, he broke several laws to do it

when he gets to the hosptial, he can barely talk 

the nurses had to call you to make sure this crazy man was actually the father of your child

misses the baby floor twice

walks into the wrong room three times bc he forgot how to read

when he finally makes it to your room, he’s fed up with himself 

“what took you so long? the front desk called me, like, ten minutes ago”

“i don’t wanna talk about it”

“are you having an attitude with me right now? when i’m about to deliver your child?”

shouto: ☹️

shutting up was the smartest thing he did that day

when the 15th hour of labor hit and you were gripping your husband, screaming and rocking on your knees for any type of relief, todoroki was nearly begging you to take the drugs 

“sweetheart, please consider the epidural”

“no, shouto. i’m doing this without one”

“why do you want to suffer when technology and modern medicine--”

“todoroki shouto, you give me one more lesson about modern medicine and i’ll rip your quirk right out of you”

“i dont think that’s--”

the nurse finally chimes in: “sir, i mean this in the nicest way possible. shut up”

after 24 grueling hours, you’re pushing

it’s taking everything within shouto not to pass out from the blood, the screaming, and how tight you’re squeezing his hand 

the baby is out and crying her little head off

you’re happy it’s all over and shouto should be too

but he’s going over the past 48hrs and letting it confirm how he’s just not set up to be a father 

he’s almost grateful that you would hold her first bc he doesnt want to screw up more than he already has, but you have a different idea

understanding the emotions and self-doubt reflected on his face, you say 

“shouto, i want you to hold her first”

he’s shocked and starts his stuttering, but the nurse is already on it

“you heard mama, open your arms big guy”

once the nurse helps him find a good hold, todoroki doesnt even notice the tears falling down his cheeks

“look at you,” you sniff. “you’re a natural”

his eyes are wide with child-like wonder and he manages to give you a trembling smile 

“you think so?” you nod and he’s smiling so big, you wanna take a picture. “she’s so beautiful, just like her mother”

he leans down to kiss you 

wonders what he did in his past life to deserve the love he was given the chance to feel today

[sugakoni]

single mom!reader (leon x f!reader)

PART 1 |

(a/n) sorry for the delay in this part. i have been really busy and super bleh because of my antidepressants, but tonight i finally feel like writing. this is part 2 of 5, and next part uhhh... might get a little spicy. don't say i didn't warn you lmao. - zee

word count: 1656

contains: angst to an extent

warnings: light swearing, fighting, panic attacks

paring: leon kennedy x fem!reader (single mother)

(feel free to leave requests!) (leon kennedy playlist)

story under the cut

Staggered breaths were heard inside the house, followed by a loud cough. The area of Spain you were in was surprisingly cold, and the cabin you were in wasn’t helping any, considering how run down it was. Your gun was in your hand, following behind Leon as you kept watch on anything that could happen behind the man.

Leon turned the corner, and you did the same. Seeing a man who was currently filling his fireplace with wood, poking and prodding at it in the mean time.You raised an eyebrow, keeping your gun in your hand as Leon cleared his throat.

“Excuse me, sir, I am Leon Kennedy. I was wondering if you have seen this girl.”

The man turned back at him, speaking in Spanish in a very angry manner. You pursed your lips together, Leon giving you a shrug.

“Leon! Look out!” You yelled, firing your gun at the man who rose an axe towards your partner. You shot at his head multiple times, before he finally fell to the ground. Noises were heard outside, and Leon took it upon himself to look out through the window. You let out a breath that you didn’t even realize you were holding, before looking out the window with Leon and seeing a lot more people.

“Shit,” Leon muttered, making sure his gun was loaded before pushing you to go towards the stairs.

“I know what I’m doing, Kennedy,” you sassed, going up the stairs quickly with him following behind. He let out a huff, grabbing a few things of ammo that he found in drawers and handing it to you. You put them into your bag, shaking your head as you found some herbs. The sound of a door breaking down was heard downstairs, which caused your eyes to widen.

“There!” You called out, pointing at the window.

“Good eye,” Leon replied, going to jump out. You bit at your lip, hearing the villagers walking around downstairs before you eventually jumped down yourself, being caught by Leon. You let out a cough, Leon having a shit eating grin on his face before you pulled your gun out and shot 3 villagers behind him.

The blonde placed you back down on the ground, starting to run farther away from the village people. You sighed quietly to yourself, following behind as per usual. You knew something was up here, not normal, and just like Raccoon City.

You put Raccoon City in the back of your mind as Hunnigan called Leon, and you stood to the side listening through your ear piece. You kicked at some rocks, thinking about your son and what he could be doing at home. A huff left Leon’s mouth, ending the call with Hunnigan.

“Ashley is around here somewhere,” Leon spoke out, putting an end to your thoughts. You looked over at him, giving him a nod.

“No shit.”

“Hey, I know you have something going on, but that attitude of your’s needs to leave,” Leon snapped, running a hand through his hair. You raised an eyebrow.

“MY attitude? I am so sorry that I had to leave my nine year old son behind to go on a mission to find the President’s dumbass daughter!” You exclaimed, to which he rolled his eyes. The stress the two of you had from your recent encounters was prominent in this conversation, and you put your hands up slightly.

“You know what. You’re right. Sorry for making you upset, Kennedy,” You spoke sarcastically, walking away from the other. Leon’s jaw clenched, following behind you and grabbing your wrist, turning you to face him.

“Stop being a brat.”

“You’re being the brat,” You seethed, shaking his grip off of you as you head towards another cabin. Leon sighed, knowing he messed up by snapping at you. The two of you trekked to the cabin ahead, opening the door and looking around.

“Here,” you spoke, going to move something out of the way of a doorway. Leon gave a nod, going into a room and hearing commotion in the wardrobe in the corner. You followed after grabbing things in the other room, seeing Leon opening the wardrobe door.

All of a sudden, you felt immense pressure in your head and the whole world went black.

-----------

The smell of rotting walls is what awoke you. Pain shot through your head, wrists bound behind you. Your eyes fluttered open, seeing two men in front of you. The one Leon was tied up to was unfamiliar, but he must’ve been in that wardrobe Leon opened up.

“Leon?” You called out. He seemed to have been in the middle of a conversation with the man he was tied up to, showing him the picture of Ashley.

“Y/n, are you alright?” Leon asked, to which you gave a slight nod. Luis looked over to you.

“Ah, senorita, they must’ve hit you hard,” he spoke out, giving a sympathetic smile. You gave a nod again, not feeling up to talking as the pain in your head was searing. Leon sighed to himself, putting the photo of Ashley back into his pocket. You must’ve missed a bit of their conversation.

Loud footsteps were heard outside, which caused you to snap your head up. You saw a giant man walk in. Your eyes felt a bit heavy, desperately trying to keep them open before you slipped off into another slumber.

Snapping awake, you felt something warm pressed against your right arm. Your eyes were wide, sweat sticking to your skin as you looked up at the person who held you. Leon.

You still felt angry at him, but you decided to put that in the back of your head. He looked down at you, hearing your ragged breathing.

“Hey, sleepy head. I have been carrying you around for what feels like ages,” he murmured, placing you back down again. You sighed, rubbing the back of your head.

“I’m sorry… I just feel so sick,” you muttered, before tears started to stain your cheeks. You were tired, and you didn’t know why. And you felt out of touch with reality. Leon’s concern grew for you.

“Y/n? Are you okay?” He asked, rubbing your back. You shook as you cried, falling to your knees.

Panic rose in you, thinking about how you woke up some when you were held captive and something being put into your neck. You immediately looked up at Leon.

“They put something in me,” you expressed, starting to feel yourself become sick.

“Y/n, I am sure you’re fine-”

“Fine?! How can I be fine?! What if I turn into one of them?!” You screamed at him, covering your face afterwards. You thought about Adrian, and how he would potentially have to grow up without his mommy. He was already growing up without a father figure, you couldn’t imagine having him lose you now. You looked down, opening your locket as your breathing was labored. You couldn’t stop the panic, but you could calm down your tears. The adrenaline was already pumping hard through your veins, as you shakily touched the face of your son, and glanced towards the face of your late boyfriend.

“Who is that?” Leon asked, looking down at the locket. You glanced up, his face had softened.

“My late boyfriend… he… he turned into one of those monsters in Raccoon City… right in front of me and Adrian,” you mumbled, closing it. Leon frowned, helping you up from the ground. You composed yourself quickly, starting to go the way you assumed you were to go.

-------------

The plane you were in was whirring loudly, about to take off. You were currently sitting in front of Ashley Graham and the President, with Leon right beside you. Your mission was a success, but the trauma that both you and Leon had experienced on the way was enough to make you never want to work for the government again. But, this is all you had.

The President got up from his seat, walking towards the front of the plane. You looked at Ashley, who was currently looking at Leon in a loving way. A pit formed in your stomach, and you didn’t know if it was jealousy. You looked out the window, seeing the ocean, and clouds… and more ocean.

Unbeknownst to you, but known to Ashley, Leon was looking at you the same way Ashley was looking at him. He didn’t know why, but he felt even more attracted to you after the events you two had endured. You knew that it would be a few days until you could see your son, since you have to give information to your agency and other government officials, but at the end of the day, your son was now your number one priority again.

“Why her?” Ashley spoke out, her eyes going wide as both you and Leon looked at her. Her face flushed to a bright red color, before she excused herself, going to wherever her father was.

“What was that for?” You mumbled, playing with your hands. You looked over at Leon, smiling a bit as you felt your heart swell up.

“I don’t know… but at least she is gone, her staring was getting annoying,” Leon chuckled, which caused you to giggle. You bit at your lip, seeing his hand on the armrest. You moved your smaller one to lay on top of it, your fingers intertwining.

“Thank you,” You whispered, “for getting me back safe.”

“I made a promise, didn’t I? How about we celebrate tonight, everything on me,” Leon said smugly, which caused you to blush.

“Yeah, yeah lover-boy… I’ll give you a chance,” You said with a grin, looking back out the window and taking your hand away from his. You missed the warmth, but you didn’t want to deal with Ashley’s whining.

Maybe staying away from home for a few more days wouldn’t be so bad...

tag list:

@cicatraize

[helion-ism]

let’s talk about elucien

there are so many reasons why I love elain x lucien and why I think these two would not only be amazing together, but also why they belong together. one of those reasons is lucien’s sassy personality, which we already got a glimpse of in acotar (and that I miss terribly btw), and which is, in my opinion, exactly what elain needs in her life. we’re talking about lucien “your eyes are like stars, and your hair like burnished gold” vanserra. we know he’s got quite a big mouth, that’s how we got to know him, but we also know that mouth is exactly what’s gotten him into trouble before. case in point: the eye incident. lucien doesn’t mince his words and yes, that is one of the reasons why elain really needs to spend some more time with him. 

she has been coddled by not only her father, nesta, feyre, but also the entire inner circle, which has allowed her to live her life passively. yes, she killed the king of hybern, and good for her, but she did it because nobody else could have done it at that point in time. ever since the war ended, elain has not actively contributed to any plot matters, whether by choice or because someone else took the choice from her. azriel said in acosf, “there is an innate darkness to the dread trove that elain should not be exposed to.” even amren pointed out that elain is capable of defending herself, but for some reason, nobody let her even though elain said she would try to find it: “then I will find it. I might require some time to … reacquaint myself with my powers, but I could start today.” and yet,  by the end of the book, elain’s been barely in it and has not contributed at all. (I know some people claim there’s certain things already happening in the background, but honestly, I’m not satisfied with that development happening off page, so I can’t wait to finally go on her journey and actually see her do stuff)

this moment is crucial:

does it look like she is happy with the way the others treat her? not really. when nesta snapped at her, elain started laughing. that signals relief to me because nesta, the one who has always tried to protect elain the most (nesta baby Ilysm), is the one who suddenly lost her patience. elain needs somebody like lucien, somebody with a big mouth and sassy attitude, who can coax her out of that paralysis she’s been stuck in, a bit like nesta in this scene. additionally, the banter would be top tier. I want another “if I offer you the moon on a string, will you give me a kiss, too?” moment, please. god please. (elain blinks. “and where would you like that kiss?” — and lucien just loses his mind.)

another thing that lives in my head rent free is the fact that lucien has travelled almost everywhere and could introduce elain, who wishes to see more of the world (see: “elain had always wanted to visit the continent to study the tulips and other famed flowers”), to the different courts and the continent. I refuse to accept that we will not get to learn more about the other courts, for my sake, but also for elain’s sake. I want her to see the spring court at least once. I want her to go and see those tulips she’s dreamt of. I want her and lucien to discover the day court as a new home, which brings me to the next point. 

elain has been craving sunshine for some time now. there’s several quotes that emphasise her connection to sunshine/light, here are a few of my favourites: 

I marveled at it, actually — that those years of poverty hadn‘t stripped away that light from elain.

the suite was filled with sunlight. every curtain shoved back as far as it could go, to let in as much sun as possible. as if any bit of darkness was abhorrent.

she had been always so full of light. perhaps that was why she now kept all the curtains open. to fill the void that existed where all of that light had once been. and now nothing remained.

what can I get you, elain? — sunshine.

elain doesn’t belong into the night court. feyre has found her family there, with rhys and the inner circle. nesta has found (or should I say accepted) cassian and found gwyn and emerie, her chosen sisters. but elain?

elain is somewhere in the background hiding with the twins and tending to gardens of the citizens of velaris. you can’t tell me that is satisfactory to you. she is currently ignoring her seer abilities, and the members of the inner circle are basically encouraging her to do so. the only time she’s been confronted lately was during that conversation with nesta and her reaction was not exactly what any of us readers would have expected, was it? that tells me there’s much more about her we don’t know yet, and I’m convinced we won’t know until she finally leaves and finds her own people, finds herself again and start dealing with everything that happened to her. elain must leave the night court, i.e. the darkness, behind in order to grow.

the same goes to lucien: he’s not at a place where he can just jump into a relationship or mating bond. he’s got so much stuff going on. lucien was forced to abandon his home and his abusive family, his “father” killed the fae he loved in front of his eyes, his best friend is an abusive pos who never appreciated him anyway, and neither has anyone in the night court. lucien is used because of his connections and because of the mating bond that ties him to elain, whether he wanted it or not. feyre knows he would never turn away from elain unless she explicitly wishes him to, and so she and rhys and the others use that to their advantage. it is smart, of course, but at the same time, they also keep important information about his own life from him that could change many, many things. so he’s spending his time with mortals in the human lands — a place where he as a fae really does not belong. 

lucien being the heir to the day court, well, to me, it feels like sjm is practically screaming it into our face: how could he find a home in the night court, the literal opposite to the day? darkness vs. light. and what about elain “he’d never once in the two years he’d known her found elain to be plain, but wearing black, no matter how much she claimed to be part of this court … it sucked the life from her” archeron? just looking at the symbolism, not only do the quotes from above indicate that the night court cannot possibly be her home, but also very recent quotes from the latest book. elain is a side character in the night court. and so is lucien. they both need to leave in order to become main characters — and it doesn’t even matter that both are already crucial to the further plot of the series because how can they possibly contribute to it in a place where they are both kept down? 

mor said in acofas: “stay out of it. she’s not ready, and neither is he, no matter how many presents he brings.” and “let him figure out where he wants to be. who he wants to be. the same goes with her.” mor’s power is “truth”, whatever that means. but there you have it. they’re not ready to be with each other yet, and that’s okay. 

[elain and lucien are also connected not only because of the mating bond, but also because of the plot. lucien must know quite a lot about her and her sisters simply because of all the time he spent with their father. the father who made a bargain with koschei. koschei who put a spell on vassa. lucien is therefore tied to both papa archeron as well as koschei and vassa. elain, we know, is a seer, despite her not using her abilities (or is she, and we simply don’t know?). elain is (obviously) connected to her father, but also to koschei and vassa (remember those visions she had).]

now let’s get to the mating bond stuff, and I need to say this loud and clear: elain has always had and will always have one (1) true mate. there’s no such thing as “false mate” or even multiple mates. there has been no indication whatsoever. lucien is the mate the cauldron had given her when she was born. and elain is the mate the cauldron had given him when he was born. even when she was still human, they already belonged together — tied together by strings of fate. absolutely nothing will change this fact. should elain reject the bond, lucien will remain a part of her life/her soul forever. should lucien reject the bond, elain will remain a part of his life/his soul forever.

when she was still human, lucien had already felt a pull between them and tried to save and protect her from hybern. when elain was already fae, when it came to protecting her, azriel clapped cassian’s shoulder and left (is this the true mate they’re all talking about?). it’s unfair to lucien, elain, AND azriel and this comparison alone is enough to disprove this theory.

the thing is, lucien has been nothing but respectful, kind and caring towards elain. when he arrived in velaris in acowar, he could immediately sense what she needed and said, “she needs fresh air” (vs. the response “we’ll judge what she needs”) and “take her to the sea. take her to some garden. but get her out of this house for an hour or two.” (I’m gonna make another post about this because I have a few thoughts on this)

of course, she doesn’t owe him anything, but elain herself doesn’t wish to be treated like a child, she maybe she should start acting like an adult because although she doesn’t owe lucien an apology or explanation, she has to have a conversation with him, like two responsible adults. there is no way feyre or anyone in the inner circle hasn’t told her that she can reject the bond and move on with her life. but just like her powers, this is another thing she chooses to ignore. I’m not blaming her because I know she has to work through her trauma first and heal, but by the end of the series, she has to acknowledge that at least.

in acosf, elain says “I am not a child to be fought over” when they discuss the dread trove. I wonder what she would say about the fact azriel threatens to challenge lucien to the blood duel because of her? based on literally everything we know about lucien, I can say with certainty that he would not physically fight over elain. if she only had a conversation with him and told him to move on and leave her alone, lucien would do just that. he would leave her alone and try to move on as best as he could (which we know is difficult for males). but he would never act as entitled to her as to demand a blood duel and fight to death. it goes against his principles. 

to finish this off, sjm summing up everything I just said:

[kylorengarbagedump]

Defy Your Authority: Chapter 1

Read on AO3. Part 2 here.

Summary: You’re a Lieutenant, stationed on Orinda. You’re content with your trustworthy crew, but issues with a certain ship (spoiler alert: it’s the TIE silencer) end up trapping you on the Steadfast, instead. Your relationship with Kylo Ren isn't how you left it. How many more messes can you stand to clean?

(Yes, this is the sequel to Fix Your Attitude.)

Words: 4500

Warnings: None. Yet.

Characters: Kylo Ren x Reader

A/N: Umm... hi!! I don't have much to say other than I'm very excited to post this, and I really hope you enjoy it! I love you all so much. I'm genuinely lucky and grateful to have you in my life.

You weren’t ready.

Since the alert had come in that the First Order would be sending a transporter to Orinda, your hands had been jittery. There’d been no indication, no hint as to what your team should be expecting when they arrived. In the four months since you’d arrived at the fuel post, you hadn’t received a single visitor from the brass.

“Hey, Chief.” 

The voice called you as you were chest-deep in a pile of fuel-cells. Grunting, you wrenched yourself free, patting the reactor dust from your uniform. Certainly there was some in your hair, too. 

“Hey, hi Tonis, what’s up?” You tried to restrain your anxiety to the perimeter of your mind. “Can, uh, can I help you?”

Tonis, your third engineer, sighed, wrangling his hands together as he looked to the ground. “Do you know what’s going on with this transport unit arriving?” His thin lips twisted in a frown. “They’re saying that they might be shutting the post down.”

“Oh, jeez.” You shook your head, grabbing a rag from the terminal and wiping your hands. “No, no. Nothing like that. I’m sure.”

“Okay,” he said. “Good. I really, really, really don’t want to be moved. Again.”

Grimacing, you looked at your reflection in the terminal facade. “I know.”

“Orinda’s really great,” he said. “All the different ships we get to work on. And it’s so quiet. And our team is so great--”

“I know.” You mussed your hair, as if shoving dirty fingers through it would improve its appearance. Incredibly, it did not. “They’re only sending three people. I’m sure it can’t be that big of a deal.”

“But that’s the thing!” he said. “Don’t you think that a transport unit with only a few passengers must be here for something super-official?”

Your chest seized, and you cleared your throat, turning back to him. 

“Maybe.” You ignored the hot burn of your cheeks. “Guess we’ll see when they get here.” 

The terminal blipped, a familiar pattern that indicated the atmosphere had been breached. It’d been awhile since you’d felt like you had the power to summon anything of importance with a single thought. The reminder tweaked your heart. 

“Or… I guess we’ll see now.”

Tonis squealed, running through the post. “Hey! Hey guys! The First Order’s here! The First Order’s arrived!”

Sighing, you looked into the terminal again. Four months hadn’t changed your appearance too much. Not that it mattered. Or it might. But you wouldn’t worry about it. Only a little.

You steeled your nerves and walked out of the hangar into the dusty outcropping of the fuel outpost. Flat land stretched for miles in diameter from your station, a rolling pitch of blue mountains in the far distance, the wind whipping across the plains, rustling the dry grass. Shielding your eyes with a hand, you gazed up and spotted the transporter, a blooming black spot in the cloudless sky, quickening the pace of your pulse with every passing second.

It was just a transporter. He wouldn’t be on it. There was nothing to freak out about.

Tonis had gathered the rest of your massive crew--all three of them, him included--and they surrounded you, faces taut with anticipation.

“What do you think it is, Chief?” That was Mirna, your second engineer, a short, wide-set thing, with buzzed hair and a gruff voice. “You think they’re shutting the place down?”

“She already said she doesn’t think it’s that,” Tonis replied.

“Well, yeah, but then, why are they just sending three people?” said Lin, your mechanic. 

“There’s plenty of reasons they could send three people,” Tonis said, as if he hadn’t just been agonizing over that very issue just minutes ago.

Mirna snorted. “Like what?”

“An announcement,” Lin said. “Maybe they’re canvassing all First Order planets.”

You nodded, chewing your cheek. “Sure. That could be it.”

“Or maybe it’s a survey!” Tonis was almost wiggling with excitement like the little nerd he was. “Does anyone else love filling out those weird surveys?”

“No, nerfherder,” Mirna teased, grinning. “Just you.”

“Could be an escort.” Lin shrugged. “Maybe they’re here to pick someone up.”

Mirna laughed. “Oh, come on,” she said. “Who in the stars could they have an interest in on this planet?”

Blood blazed your face. “It’s a mystery.”

You hadn’t told anyone since arriving what had brought you there or why you’d come. You hadn’t told them when you’d first landed that you still had the cum of the Commander of the First Order leaking out of your cunt. You hadn’t told them that just hours before, he’d held you in his arms, brought you into his mind, and shown you--with a breathless, crushing tangibility--how utterly and completely he loved you.

You hadn’t told them, either, that in the days, weeks, months following your arrival, you hadn’t heard from him at all. 

With a dying wail, the transporter hovered and landed, spitting up a ring of dust that smacked you in the face. You sputtered, wiping your eyes, the rest of your crew apparently victims too. Frowning, you crossed your arms, brow cocked as the ramp whined and descended. Something akin to fear needled your heart in the empty space between the sound of footsteps and the emergence of two Stormtroopers stomping to the ground. 

Something that was definitely fear gripped it as those two troopers were followed by a man you’d hoped to never, ever see again.

“Engineer.” General Hux had somehow lost none of his smarmy, pink-cheeked smugness--his refusal to say your name was out of petty spite at this point. And his face was just as punchable as you remembered. “I see you are, for once, prepared for our arrival.”

“What sort of facility chief would I be if I didn’t stay on top of our arrival queues?” You hid your hands behind your back to hide their quaking. “Though I believe my rank is Lieutenant, now, sir.”

“Lieutenant,” he replied, with the same amount of disdain he’d probably afford a crying child. “I imagine it’s the lack of distraction.” He smirked. “I loathe to think of the productivity you would’ve had on the Finalizer with a similar environment.”

“Oh, as do I, sir.” You offered him a gleaming smile. “I can’t imagine a punishment worse than being in your good graces.”

“Chief,” hissed Mirna. “That’s a General of the First Order. What are you doing?”

Cursing internally, you pinched yourself, stood straighter. Your team would have no idea why you felt so comfortable mouthing off to a man who, otherwise, might’ve had you thrust into the bowels of space by now--and to be honest, you didn’t have much of an idea why at this point, either. Your presumed protection was hardly a current presence in your life. 

You shook your head, wagged out your hands. “Let me try again, sir.” Clearing your throat, you continued, “General Hux, sir. To what do I owe the honor?”

Hux smirked. “As much as I hate to interrupt, Lieutenant,” he said, continuing to let the word drip with more venom than a snake ever could, “I’m here to order you to come with me onto the Steadfast.”

“The Steadfast?” Obviously the name of a ship, but not one you were familiar with. No news bulletins had made their way to Orinda in the time you’d been stationed. “Why?”

“The Supreme Leader’s TIE fighter has ceased functioning. Every engineer we’ve brought to it has failed to diagnose the issue.” His jaw tensed in real, actual reluctance. “We were at the border of the Rim, and unfortunately, I thought of you.”

You blinked. He wanted you to work on Snoke’s TIE fighter? 

And then another question: Snoke had a TIE fighter? 

“Uh…” Frowning, you glanced around at your crew. You couldn’t stand the thought of leaving them for days on end. “How long will I be gone?”

His face betrayed nothing but pure disgust. “As long as it takes you to fix a TIE fighter.” He watched as you paused in thought. “I wasn’t offering you a choice, Lieutenant. We’re leaving now.”

With that, he turned on his heels, marching up the ramp. A long, slow breath left your lungs, and you turned to your team, scanning their faces for any reaction. To your surprise, everyone but Tonis seemed rapt in excitement, eyes wide and chins wagging in awe. 

“I had no idea you were such a big shot!” Lin grinned. The other two nodded in agreement.

Blushing, you rubbed your arm in embarrassment, looking between them. “No, no,” you said. “Nothing like that.”

“You have to tell us the story, one day.” Mirna was smirking.

“Uh… Right.” You coughed. “So, hopefully I’ll only be a day or so, max,” you said. “Mirna, you’re in charge while I’m gone.”

“You got it, Chief,” she said. “Tonis, my first order is for you to please calm down.”

He shot her a glare. “Good luck, Chief!” He offered you a salute, which was both strange and unnecessary. “We’ll be thinking of you!”

Warmth spread in your chest. “I’ll be thinking of you guys, too. Don’t make too big of a mess, okay?”

“Yes ma’am!” they replied in unison--and then broke into laughter. 

You shook your head, finding yourself laughing with them. “Okay. See you guys soon.” 

Bowing your head, you trudged up the ramp into the transporter, taking a seat far away from Hux and the two Stormtroopers. You wondered why he’d bothered to bring them to a tiny outpost like Orinda, but you supposed that self-importance and paranoia knew no bounds in the higher ranks of the First Order. 

As the door closed to the transporter, your heart wrinkled. In the past few months, despite your open ache, Orinda had become your home, your crew had become something akin to your family. You hoped the issue with the TIE fighter was something stupid, like a busted hyperdrive. They were simple to repair, but most engineers wouldn’t mess with lightspeed travel--the mechanisms were so delicate that even a simple mistake could result in splitting the ship. 

The transporter rose into the air, and in seconds, it burst into the sky. A windowless cargo meant you could only imagine the faces of your crew as you disappeared into the horizon. You sighed, watching your feet as they jostled with the jerking of the ship. You weren’t sure what the Steadfast was like, but apparently Snoke had moved his operations there. Though you still had no clue what Snoke looked like, you’d never imagined him to be the type to fly--but perhaps a Supreme Leader required multiple skillsets.

The awkward ride finished without a single word being exchanged between you and Hux, which was fine by you, and possibly finer by him. When the ramp lowered, he speared you with his gaze, waiting for the troopers to exit before standing and ordering you to follow him with only his eyes.

You tromped down the ramp into the hangar on the Steadfast--it looked almost identical to the one on the Finalizer. The ceilings stretched high, like a giant’s mouth, the magnetic shields glowing teeth at the lips of the bay. Ships buzzed above you, racing in and out of their docks, the floor crowded with soldiers and officers alike. 

The rush hit you--sure, the time on Orinda had been fantastic, engaging, rejuvenating. But it would never match the thrill of working in the presence of fleets and fleets of warships, surrounded by the heady spell of urgent, prestigious labor. You sucked it through your nose, held it in your chest, unable to stop your eyes from lingering on every busted ship they saw. In the distance, a team huddled around the smoking wing of a TIE fighter--you bit your lip to prevent yourself from racing over, from tearing it apart for them.

Another thing you weren’t able to stop looking for was any hint, any presence of the Commander--but in the bay, you didn’t even catch evidence of the Command Shuttle. It was a huge assumption to guess he’d be on the Steadfast to begin with, but part of you hoped he’d trailed his precious Supreme Leader to any place he was ordered. It figured that the one time you might have been within thinking distance, he’d managed to make himself scarce. 

Another twine in your heart snapped, joining the collection that’d been unfurling since you’d departed the Finalizer. 

Yes, he’d said he would find you. You still believed him now, even. 

But really. What was taking him so damn long?

Hux led you to a wide dock toward the very front of the hangar. The crews you spotted along the way seemed detached, working without words, communicating with gestures and mirthless expressions. Tonis’ silly salute would never happen here. You frowned. The lack of thrill was worth your autonomy.

“Lieutenant.”

A snap of your head, and you blinked. You were in front of your charge. 

This TIE fighter was unlike one you’d ever seen. Instead of the flat panel wings, this one bore talons, sharp knives capable of cutting space and possibly any ship in its way. Red-paned transparisteel formed the cockpit into a muzzle, imitating an animal instead of a sphere. And it wasn’t a ball suspended on plates, but was rather tucked tight into the body of the ship, creating a seamless, dynamic transition that to you, seemed so new, so modern. It was almost--sexy? 

You looked to Hux. “Are you sure this is the one that isn’t working?” Lips parted in awe, you stepped up to it, placing a hand on the solar array. “It’s gorgeous.”

“The Supreme Leader has been unable to fly it for cycles, now,” said Hux. “I’m sure.”

“All right.” You rolled your eyes. “Got it.” 

What you needed was a post-flight report. You strode over to the nearest terminal and entered your credentials--thankfully, as a Lieutenant now, they were universal to the entire First Order system. Only one ship was logged underneath the access: TIE/vn space superiority fighter: SILENCER.

“TIE silencer?” you mumbled. “Where do they come up with these names?”

You investigated the reports in the past several cycles that detailed the attempts by engineers to get the thing working: thrusters aligned, check. Solar lines flushed, check. Refuel port cleansed, check. Heat calibration reset and replaced, check. 

And yet with each new repair--engine test: fail. 

Engine test: fail. 

Engine test: fail, fail, fail. 

Screwing your lips in thought, you landed on the post-flight report, hoping it would provide you with insight. If he knew what was good for him, Supreme Leader Snoke would be thorough.

You opened the report, and paragraphs of information flooded the screen. Your jaw dropped. Every single system had been left with a meticulously in-depth account of its status before, during, and after flight. The level of specificity contained within each sentence astounded you. It was almost unbelievable that a single person could remember this much, let alone regurgitate it with any level of accuracy. You groaned, lost in Basic.

Hux cleared his throat. “How long do you anticipate this taking, Lieutenant?” 

“As long as I--...” You stopped yourself with a grumble. It would be much easier to hear it from the tauntaun’s mouth, instead of pouring over and cross-checking every single detail. “I’m not sure, General. Is there any way I could speak with the Supreme Leader?” 

A strange, smug look passed over his face. “Certainly,” he replied. “I’ll take you.”

You blinked. That was easy. Almost too easy. “Uh… okay.”

Hux turned on his heel, clipped stride cutting through the hangar. You hadn’t been prepared to meet the Supreme Leader when you woke up this morning, but you supposed anything was possible when working for the First Order. Swallowing, you shut down the terminal, and followed him into the halls.

Returning to a Star Destroyer, in a way, felt like home--the glossy black tile passed like a familiar path beneath your feet, and you spared fleeting glances to the Stormtroopers who passed you. The halls of the Steadfast maintained their similarity to everything else on the Finalizer--though that did nothing to assuage your anxiety about the memories you’d had on that ship. Or who may or may not be on this one. 

“Do you work on the Steadfast, now, sir?” 

Hux was silent for a moment, gaze trained forward. “Yes. The Finalizer was decommissioned.”

“Wait, really?” Your heart thumped. The only datapad message you’d received from your friends had come in the first few weeks after your departure. You just assumed they’d been busy. “What happened?”

“A Resistance attack left it crippled,” he replied. “Leadership and surviving crew were transferred to the Steadfast.”

Terror seized you, your pace quickened. “Sur-surviving crew?” you asked. “Sir?” More silence. You stumbled to catch up with him, fighting the tremor in your voice. “Sir--”

“Engineers Foster and Loren were transferred to this vessel unharmed, Lieutenant.” He leered at you. “Satisfied?”

You heaved a massive sigh, hands falling to your knees. They were here. You’d have to catch up with them, soon. 

“Yes, sir, thank you--” 

By the time you’d finished, he’d already managed to make it what seemed to be fifty paces ahead of you, and you scrambled to keep up with him. 

As you did, a grey-haired man emerged from the corner in front of you both, and Hux stiffened, cursing under his breath. Raising a brow, you tried to meet this man’s gaze, only to bump into the general, who’d stopped, limbs pinned to his sides.

“Shit!” Your face burned, and you jumped back, snapping to attention. “I mean, uh, sorry, General, sir.”

The look Hux offered you was similar to one a parent might offer a simpering child. Right before they murdered that child in a fit of blind rage.

“General Hux,” said the grey-haired man. “Just the one I was looking for.” 

“Allegiant General Pryde.” Hux’s chin jutted to the ceiling. 

The Allegiant General Pryde turned his attention to you, glimpsing your uniform before meeting your eyes. “I’m afraid we’re not acquainted, Lieutenant…”

You gave your name. “Sir.” Clearing your throat, you continued, “I’m Chief of Operations on Orinda.”

“Ah.” His gaze lingered on the fuel cell filth smattering your chest. “Of course.” Something within his eyes categorized you in league with rodents--and something else within them told you he crushed rodents for sport. “Interesting.” His attention whipped back to Hux. “General. Regarding the Council meeting…”

“I plan to present the Supreme Leader with my plan, sir.”

“I know you do,” Pryde replied, “but you failed to run it by me.”

Hux’s jaw tensed. You wished you were anywhere other than this extremely awkward hallway meeting that had absolutely nothing to do with you.

“Forgive me, Allegiant General,” Hux said, “but I didn’t think a basic unit efficiency research required your approval.”

“Everything requires my approval, General,” he said. “Lest we forget the errors of Starkiller Base.”

That was a low blow. You gulped. They both looked at you, and you cleared your throat again, throwing your hands behind your back. The energy radiating from Hux could be classified as skin-scorching. 

“Of course.” Hux’s tone grew tighter with each word that left his lips. “I’ll remember that next time, sir.”

“Good.” Pryde glanced between you. “What brings a facility chief from her station all the way to the Steadfast?”

“The Supreme Leader’s TIE fighter, sir,” Hux replied, still staring into the air. “She may be the only engineer capable of repairing it.”

The Allegiant General frowned. “Really. How many resources did you expend picking up a single person from a remote outpost?” he asked. “Do you not consider this to be something I should know?”

“It was a brief excursion,” he said. “I took two Stormtroopers and a single transport unit.”

“Was that unit’s excursion approved?” He circled Hux, a silvered predator, sizing up his prey. For once, you almost felt bad for the ginger bastard. “What if Resistance staged an attack while you were gone? If we needed that unit for more than a handful of bodies?”

Hux’s lips pursed, chin dimpling with tension. “I don’t know, sir.”

“And how do you think the Supreme Leader will feel knowing you acted without approval, all to retrieve a single engineer?”

Silence drifted like fog over the three of you, thickening as this grey-haired power-laden dickhead glared at General Hux. But Hux’s back had aligned, parallel to the wall, every flicker of frustration fled from his frame. The tiniest hint of a smirk curled at his mouth.

“I think he’ll be just fine with it. Sir.” Hux’s brow quirked. “We’re on our way to speak with him now, if you’d like to accompany.”

Pryde grinned, a serpent’s twist to his smile. “Your confidence has failed you in the past, General,” he replied. “Lead the way.”

You trailed behind the Allegiant General and Hux, fingers starting to quake. Now, you’d not only be meeting the Supreme Leader still smothered in space dust, you’d be meeting him accompanied by the two biggest assholes in the First Order--second only to one other, perhaps. 

Unfortunately, that particular asshole was a ghost to this ship, and there wasn’t anyone in particular you felt comfortable asking about him. If Hux had been superceded by this new jerk, the last thing you wanted was another opportunity for someone with rank greater than your own to question you about your personal relationships. 

Dread pooled in your belly. Supreme Leader Snoke did know about your personal relationship with the Commander. In fact, Snoke had been the one to insist you be his conduit, among other insulting things. You imagined him bringing it up: Ah, yes, the engineer, the distraction… and how have you been, without his cock inside of you?

You shook your head. No, it didn’t make sense for him to bring up his apprentice’s dick at your first meeting. Or any meeting, for that matter. You hoped.

The two men led you through the rest of the journey in silence, animosity prickling like durasteel barbs in the air between them. At least your own team didn’t regard you with vibrodaggers behind their backs--as far as you knew, anyway--and the realization, against the backdrop of your current situation, had you aching to leave. The discussion with the Supreme Leader would be swift and succinct; you’d get the information you needed, diagnose the problem, and be on your way back to Orinda. 

In front of you, a massive turbolift sang its arrival, blast door whirring open. You followed the two men inside, heart tingling. Maybe part of you had been hoping that your long-awaited reunion would have occurred during your time aboard--as you thought it, you tried to stymie the resentment that you’d waited this long at all. The rational part of your mind reasoned that he was a busy man, that lack of contact didn’t indicate lack of thought. 

But every other part of your mind was staving off bubbling despair. Four months had felt like four years, and you’d only grown more desperate, more anxious for his embrace--then furious that he didn’t appear to return the sentiment. 

You knew how he felt. So it didn’t make sense, then, why he hadn’t acted on it for even a single, solitary night in the past sixteen weeks.  

When the blast door opened, you crossed the threshold into an obsidian sanctuary. The floor gleamed, a black lake of glass sweeping into high ebony ceilings that twinkled with artificial stars. The only other illumination came from two enormous spheres that hung, suspended in air at opposite ends of the room, their surfaces a swirl of white-grey light, imitation suns with colorless coronas. At the far end of the room was a hovering stone throne, six dark figures crowding it in a crescent. 

Your heart stammered--you’d seen them before. In memories that hadn’t belonged to you. All of them were outfitted in clothing that seemed familiar, helmets that hid their identities, and each of them possessed a weapon meant explicitly for assassination. The only conclusion you could draw was that they were the Supreme Leader’s bodyguards. 

Whoever they were, to you, they were ominous.

The two men in front of you strode forward, and you followed, catching your reflection whispering by your shoes: your hair was mussed with evidence of engine exhaust, your uniform still glowing with smears of ionization. Internally, you cursed yourself. Yeah, this was exactly how you’d wanted to look when meeting the Supreme Leader of the First Order--like complete shit. Stomach sinking, you sidled behind them as they stood at attention. 

“Supreme Leader,” they said simultaneously.

As if on command, the wall of shadowed soldiers parted to reveal the throne. 

But no one was there.

You blinked. “Oh.” 

Hux’s head swiveled between the strangers in front of you. “Where is he?” He turned to Pryde. “These are his receiving hours--”

“Yes,” replied the Allegiant Asshole. “But perhaps he’s departed early for the Supreme Council meeting. We’d be better off--”

The turbolift doors wailed behind you, and like synchronized chronometers, you, Hux, and Pryde spun to meet the new arrival. 

Your brain went blank.

Kylo Ren crossed the shimmering sable floor in a confident stride, his robes replaced now with padded armor that clung to the contours of his powerful, thick chest, his broad shoulders covered with a hooded cape. His fists, still bound in leather, flexed at his sides--and his face... 

More beautiful, more arresting than you could have conjured in any memory, his lips still pink and plush, his nose still a long line, his hair still rolling in waves, like black silk-velvet at his shoulders. You met his eyes as he advanced, finding them guarded, resurrecting every fear and insecurity, tempering them with hidden warmth. 

“Generals.”

The voice was lightning through your limbs, its owner a perfect match to the soft baritone you’d replayed in your dreams for the past one hundred and fifty two days. All of your systems leapt to life at once: brain spinning, heart soaring, adrenaline coursing. Sweat soaked your neck, your figure thrust whole into a furnace.

“Sir!” Both bowed their heads.

Gazing at him, then, you realized what was happening. This was his throne. You were working on his TIE fighter. Kylo Ren, your lover, your obsession, your galaxy was now the de-facto leader of the actual galaxy. You weren’t in love with the First Order’s Commander, anymore. 

You were in love with its Supreme Leader. 

Shock anchored your mouth open. Your eyes welled with latent tears. You grinned in disbelief.

“Dude!” You laughed. “What the fuck!”

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Prey for You | Part 4

Genre: Smut, angst, and some fluff this time

Word Count: 4.4k

Summary:  It has come to this. After your landlord kicks you out, you’re at Chan’s mercy. Turns out, he might not be as bad as you thought he was.

Warnings: enemies to lovers, switch!reader, switch!chan, wolf!hybrid chan, fox!hybrid reader, thigh riding, really unheathly dynamics

A/N: this part is like the opposite of a tootsie roll soft on the outside hard on the inside

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 Part 5, Part 6

“This is just for a short while.” You say, swallowing the bile that has risen up in your throat as you look at the smug wolf sitting in front of you on his couch.

“Sure.” He shrugs nonchalant, but the cocky arch of his brow says otherwise and you have to squash down your pride with everything you’ve got not to jump on him. Like it or not, you’re at his mercy now that your landlord has officially evicted you. Without his gracious help, you’d now be on the streets. “I’ll find another place as soon as I can.”

“You can take all the time you need.” He opens his arms wide, going for a welcoming vibe but the stupid grin on his face counteracts it.

“No. I’ll be out of here soon.” You deadpan, not wanting to owe him more than you already do. God knows he’ll hold his over your head forever.  "And I don't feel comfortable living here for free so from now on until I leave, I'll be taking care of things around the house."

“Oh, how domestic.” He chirps sweetly.

"More like a live-in maid." You mutter under your breath but he easily hears it, the stupid grin finally dropping from his face as he sits forward and looks at you sincerely. "Don't say that. I meant what I said. You’re here as a friend."

"Yeah, sure." You snort. “You’re basically high from gloating.”

A smile tickles his lips again as he leans back. “I always enjoy the chance to one-up you, but that doesn’t mean I’m lying.”

“Wow, you really are a saint.” You jeer, grabbing your bag and heading towards the room that is to be yours.  

_________________

To your great surprise, living with Chan was actually kind of nice. Aside from the obvious perk of living in such a comfortable, beautiful house that had everything you could ever need. Chan himself was proving himself to be a quiet congenial roommate. Most importantly, he left you the hell alone for the most part, staying cooped up in his studio the majority of the day so that you barely even saw him. And despite your agreement that you’d take care of things around the house, he still did most of his things himself, picking up after himself and washing his clothes before you got the chance to. He fed himself too as indicated by the boxes of takeout from every possible fast food place filling out the trash. So you were barely wasting any time on taking care of the house, and spending most of your days following up on your studies like you so sorely needed. 

All in all, this whole arrangement was working out positively in your favor. Too positively, that you have to wonder what he was getting out of this. He can’t possibly really be doing this out of the goodness of his heart, especially since no one is even aware of this kind deed for him to gain any morality points off of it. He hasn’t even made a move on you for the whole three weeks you’d been here, seeming content to just coexist with you that you were starting to feel like you were taking advantage of him somehow. Even though this whole thing was his idea. 

Maybe that, your momentary self-doubt, is what prompted you to do what you did next. 

“Hmm, something smells nice.” Chan remarks, walking into the kitchen where you were making yourself some food. He stands behind you to take a look at what you were cooking, and you feel your heart skipping a beat at the now familiar scent of him filling your nostrils and his body being so close to you. And when he speaks, his voice deep and calm next to your ear, it makes your skin tingle. “Looks tasty too.” 

And like a teenager who had the great fortune of being noticed by the popular jock, you twist your head around to look at him, dewy-eyed as the words stumble out of your mouth before you can think them over. “Would you like to have dinner with me today?”

He pauses, looking at you curiously and you turn back to the food and continue nervously, “I mean, that junk food you eat everyday can’t be good for you.” 

“Aw, are you worried about me?” He asks cheekily, and your shoulders tense. “Never mind.” 

“No, no, I’ll have dinner with you.” He rushes to say, plopping down on a seat resolutely. “No take backsies.”

“Idiot.” You mutter, finding yourself wearing an involuntary smile because of him once again.

__________________________________ 

You’re not the best cook, you’ll be the first to admit it, but Chan praises your food like you are a world class chef. 

“Fuck off, Chan. It’s not that good.” You protest awkwardly, not really used to being complimented. But he insists, mouth full of food, “It is! It’s sublime.” 

You look down at your food to avoid eye contact with him and put on your best snooty voice. “Poor thing. Your habit of eating exclusively junk food must’ve ruined your palate to the point where you think my cooking is anything but decent.” 

“You sell yourself short. These hands--” He suddenly grabs your hands suddenly, startling you as he kisses them. “They’re magic.” 

You yank them back to your lap, flustered, the adrenaline pushing your poor fluttering heart into overdrive and making you panic. You quickly grab your fork and shove some food into your mouth trying to distract yourself from the conflicting emotions clashing in your chest, and regretting it almost immediately as your nausea swells up. 

“Is that how you woo prey?” You snark, taking a big gulp of your wine to wash down the piece of food you barely chewed. “Blatantly lie to them about their cooking skills?” 

The atmosphere fully changes as Chan drops his cheery attitude.  “Can we not talk about… that? It’s just you and me here. We don’t have to let the outside world in, do we?”

You still, your sense of danger rising up exponentially at his suggestion, and once again you find yourself wondering why he was doing this. What was his endgame here? Was he just messing with you? He puts on an honorable performance but you’ve seen him slip before. It must get tiring for him. Maybe he wants to see you hurt; it’s in his nature and he’s been repressing it for so long. You’d be the perfect victim too. No one even knows you’re here, and even if they did, they’d never believe your word over his. 

Or he could be genuine. Maybe he’s as nice as he tries to be. But that just scares you more, because how do you deal with that? You’ve never had a relationship with someone that was open and trusting. You’ve always hid behind your games. They kept you safe. No one has ever truly hurt you because you’ve never allowed someone to get close enough. But if you trust Chan, if you let him in and he betrays you… you don’t know how you’d even recover from that. 

You want to believe though. Everyone always says how much of a good person he is, how loyal, how selfless, how supportive. They can’t all be blind, right? And you’ve seen it too, in the way he always strived to protect his friends from you. He wanted the best for them. Maybe he could want the best for you too.

“Okay.” You answer in a small voice, heart pounding. 

His answering smile is bright and big, but it does nothing to assuage your fears so you settle for taking another sip of your wine. That’s what it’s made for, right?

“So, what do you actually do? I never asked.” Chan makes conversation as he gets back to his food.

You clear your throat. “I’m a waitress.” 

“Oh, and… um, is that what you want to be doing?” He asks unsurely. 

You roll your eyes at him, feeling a little at ease at his naivety. “No. Nobody wants to work in the service industry. It’s basically slavery and all your costumers are either rude or crazy. I hate it.” 

He pauses, looking like he’s thinking very hard for a moment, before he asks, perplexed. “So why do you do it?”

“To eat?” 

“Oh. Right. Of course.” His ears turn red and it’s his turn to take a big gulp of his drink. “I’m, uh, apparently an idiot. Yes, people work to afford living. Of course.” 

“I guess you’ve never had to think about that.” You note, surprised that you don’t feel any bitterness as you say it. 

“No.” He stares at the food on his plate. “I’m sorry.” 

“What are you sorry for? It’s not your fault.”

“Yeah but--”

“But I don’t have money so you feel sorry having money in front of me?” You grin, tone light, and he smiles back, face flushed as he obviously chastises himself in his head. 

“So…” He starts again, and it’s a little endearing how nervous he is. “What do you really wanna do?” 

You regard him for a second, wondering if you should really cross that line and let him in. Well, here goes nothing. 

“I’m studying to be a doctor.” 

His jaw drops to the floor. “You?”

“Yeah, shocking right?” You quip, taking another sip from your glass.

“I mean, yeah.” You would take offense at his words if it weren’t for the--you begrudgingly admit--endearing confused frown on his face. “Isn’t that a traditionally prey profession? Don’t you get, like, weird looks or something?”

“Yeah.” You snort, feeling the bitterness rise to the surface. “I get more than just weird looks. People feel the need to tell me every moment of every day how I’ll never be a good doctor. How no one will trust a fox with their life. How I should just quit and get into business or law or whatever other profession that can use my no-doubt nefarious skills.”

“That sucks.” He says then immediately cringes at his lame comment.

“Yeah, no shit. And guess who says it the most? Prey hybrids.” 

A light bulb suddenly clicks above his head. “Is that why you dislike them? They’re really not all like that--”

You interrupt him sharply, already knowing where he was going with this. “They’re not like that to you because you’re powerful and rich and you could do whatever you want, but they’re ruthless to me. They’ve always been. So yeah excuse me if I don’t care too much for your prey apologism. It’s pretty infuriating actually.”

“I really think you should--”

“What about you?” You ask pointedly, clearly wanting to change the subject. “I mean, I know that you’re a producer. I suppose this is what you’ve always wanted to be doing.” 

“Ah, yes.” He coughs, straightening in his seat as he reels back from the change of topic. “I’ve loved it since I was an angsty teen listening to hip hop and pretending like I’m so cool and gangsta.” 

The thought of little rich boy Chan swearing it up and down and acting like a thug brings an involuntary and sincere laugh out of you. It doesn’t bother Chan though. If anything, he looks content to have made you laugh. 

“Did you…” He begins after your laughter dies down, fiddling with the stem of his glass as he looks at you from under his lashes, “Have you ever listened to any of my tracks?”

“No.” You scoff, the word coming out automatically. I mean, why would you? It’s not like you like the guy. 

His face falls at your flippant answer. “Ah. Of course.” He says flatly, bringing his glass to his mouth. 

You feel a pang of guilt in your chest. Logically, you know you have no reason to feel bad. You two were never on the best of terms and you have no obligation to listen to his songs. And yet, as you look at his crestfallen face, the guilt still eats at you. 

“How about you show me some after dinner?” You find yourself suggesting and his face immediately brightens up. “Yeah! I mean… you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” He interjects quickly, even though he clearly wants you to. 

“I want to.” You say firmly, and he smiles. ___________________________________

“I’m a nice guy who just has a lot of money?” You wheeze, cracking up and face flushed from the intoxication. You were somehow on Chan’s lap as the night progressed from him showing you his proudest works to his most regrettable ones.

“I know. I know. What was I thinking, right?” He laughs along with you despite his obvious embarrassment. 

You lean in close to his face, humming, "I think it's endearing." You kiss him. 

"You just like embarrassing me." He protests weakly, mouth opening against your lips. 

“Guilty.” You pull away to take his shirt off. Caressing his exposed muscles, you grin, “Hmm...yummy.” 

He bursts out laughing, “You like it?”

You shrug, “It’s not what I usually go for but I can get used to it.” 

He scoffs at that, and pulls your own shirt over your head. Tugging your bra over your breasts, he cups them in his hands and murmurs against your skin, “Well, I don’t need to get used to these.” before his mouth latches onto them. He sucks marks onto the sensitive flesh while his hands grope and knead your breasts. 

Looking up at you, he pushes your breasts together and laps his tongue over the nipples. Your arousal spikes as your gaze locks with his challenging one, and you start rocking yourself over his thigh. 

"Fuck that's hot." He mumbles, lightly tugging on your nipple with his teeth as he pulls away, making you moan out and your hips swivel down to push your core harder against his thigh. 

"Wait, wait," He pulls you to your feet, and you whine, protesting the loss. 

“Hush, baby girl.” He soothes, yanking your pants down your legs along with your underwear before he slips his hand between your legs to drag a finger up your slit, hissing when he feels your wetness. "That's what I want." He groans, pulling you back down on his thigh and using his grip on your hips to make you move over his thigh again. "Want you to ruin my pants with your cum, baby girl. Show me how much you need me."

"But I don't need you." You retort, though your hips don’t slow down. 

“Are you sure about that, my little fox?” He flexes his thigh under you, pushing it up more against your core. 

“Uh-huh.” You breathe, squeezing your eyes shut and throwing your head back. He takes the opportunity to get back to sucking on your breasts, which only makes your movements more frantic. 

“Come on, baby, tell me how good I am and I’ll help you.” He gasps between kisses. You tug on his hair, almost bouncing on his thigh now. “Why don’t you beg for it, pup?”

“Unbelievable.” He growls, pulling your head down. “You’re still so prideful even as you hump my leg like bitch.” 

Whatever stinging remark you would’ve hurled at him is muffled against his lips as he pulls you into a hungry kiss. You let him push his tongue into your mouth, taking him in and caressing it with your own before you put your hands to his chest and push him back. 

“You really want it? Want me to say how good you are for me? How wet you make me?"

He nods eagerly. 

“What a sweet pup.” You praise, “Striving so hard to please me. You’re doing so well, baby. You’ll make me cum real soon.” 

“Do it, please. I wanna see what you look like cumming up close.” 

“Keep tensing your leg like that and you’ll have me cumming in no time, puppy.” You bite your lip, small but needy moans flowing out of you. “What a good boy you are, so good.” 

“Please,” He whispers, his hands helping you move faster on his thigh. “Please, please.”

“So close---ah---oh god, so close...baby!” You gasp, grabbing onto him tightly as you finally cum, the orgasm surprisingly potent. He beams up at you, soaking up every little moan and shudder you let out. “So pretty.”

Gradually, your panting breaths turn into airy giggles as you get down from your high. You give his lips a peck before your hands fall between you and starts pulling his dick out from his sweatpants. You grin against his lips, feeling giddy. "I can’t believe I’m gonna let you fuck me in your studio. How cliche.”

His answering chuckles are punctuated with little moans as you glide your hand up and down his hard dick. “If it--ahh-- makes you feel any better, t-this is the--ahh, yeah like that, baby-- the first time I fuck anyone here.” 

You giggles increase in pitch, “You’re so full of shit, Chan.”

“I’m serious.” He whines, leaning up into your touch as you swipe your palm over the leaking head of his cock. “This is kind of a... sacred place for me."

“Yeah, right.” You roll your eyes, “It can’t be that special if you’re here with me now.”

“It is.” He insists with a pout, and continues casually as if it was nothing, “Because you’re special.” 

Your hand stills on his cock, your face turning to stone as you try and make sense of what he just said.  He's messing with you. He has to be.

Fear and uncertainty makes your stomach churn and your skin loses all color, your face getting cold and sweaty as the bile rises up in your throat. You thought you could handle this but you can’t. You’re too much of a coward to risk it and your sense of self-preservation rears its deformed head once again. 

Standing up abruptly, you croak through your suddenly dry mouth,  "I think I’m gonna go. I need to lie down" 

Chan gets up too, not letting you go. "Oh, is everything okay? Are you sick?". 

"I’m fine. I’m just..." You explain weakly, wriggling yourself out of his grip as quickly as you can in your intoxicated state. "I gotta go."

“Hey, wait!” Chan calls after you, but doesn’t try to stop you. You hear him curse out just before you get out of earshot.

____________________

You wake up with a huge headache and an even bigger feeling of dread. The events of last night coming back like a bullet shot through your chest, and you’re even more confused now with the hangover shattering any hope of a coherent thought forming in your head. 

You stumble out of bed and head to the door, resolving to get some water and some painkiller so you’d maybe start to feel like your head wasn’t likely to explode at any moment. But as you slide the door open, you hear bickering voices just outside in the living room.

"Chan, what the hell are you doing man?" You hear a familiar voice ask but your brain is too scattered to pinpoint the owner of it right now. Luckily, you don’t need to as Chan speaks up in reply, "It's fine, Jisung. It’s all under control."

"No, it's not. Isn’t that what you used to tell me? That no matter how much she makes it seem like she cares, she could flip the table on me at any moment and that I shouldn’t trust her. That’s what you said!”

You quickly pick up that they’re talking about you despite how much you don’t want to believe it. But that’s the kind of language that has always been directed at you, there is no mistaking it. Yet, against all reason, you hope it’s not true. Or at least, you hope Chan would deny it. 

He doesn’t, of course. They never do.

“I know what I said!” 

“And? Do you trust her now?” Jisung asks incredulously. 

“Of course not.” Chan vehemently denies, the resoluteness in his voice piercing straight through your heart. 

Of course not. Of course he doesn’t trust you. What a ridiculous question.  

“Jisung is right, Chan.” A new voice adds and you focus on the sound of it, trying not to break down just yet. “You’re letting her sleep under your roof, man, and you didn’t even think to tell us. Has she been messing with your head?”

They are talking about you like you are some kind of monster, some wild beast that would pounce on you the second you turned your back to it. You’d find it amusing coming from anyone else, but not from Chan, because for once in your life you wanted to believe that someone could see you as something other than what the world thought you were. You blame yourself for this one. 

“My head is fine.” Chan retorts angrily, letting out a forced sigh. “I’m just.... She was in trouble and I had to help her.” 

“Oh, you had to?” The new guy interjects mockingly, “Tell me, would she have helped you if you were in her position?”

“That’s irrelevant.” Chan protests. 

“No, it’s not. She would’ve let you suffer and laughed about it. She’s bad news, man.” 

“I think you guys are being a little harsh.” Another voice speaks up, deeper than the rest. “Maybe she’s not as bad as you think. I’m sure Chan has a good reason for trusting her.” 

“Yeah, I’m sure his dick does.” Jisung scoffs, “You know, I can’t believe you’d do this after preaching to me for hours about how I need to stay away from her and how stupid I am for letting her get to me. But hey, I’m just a stupid squirrel hybrid, right?” 

You’ve heard enough. Pushing the door the rest of the way open, you plaster a smile on your face and step into the living room, the four boys’ head snapping around to look at you. 

“Chan, you didn’t tell me we had guests.” You ponder theatrically, ignoring Chan’s dismayed exclamation of your name. "Oh hey, Sungie. I knew you'd be back for more." You wink at him and he immediately ducks behind the dark-haired stranger. 

“Please go back to your room.” Chan asks, equal measure pale and tense.

“But aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?” Your eyes flit over the three guys, stopping when you get to the blonde, freckled one. “Especially this one. What’s your name, pretty boy?”

The boy blushes at the unexpected flirtation but extends his hand out to you nonetheless. "I'm Felix." He greets you unexpectedly cheerily, and you’re even more surprised to find out that he’s the one with the deep voice.

But before you can take his hand, Chan steps between the two of you. 

"I need to talk to you." He grits, pulling you to your room and shutting the door behind you. “What are you doing?”

You shrug, feigning ignorance. “Saying hi to the guests?” 

“Now is not the time for your games.” Chan rakes his hand through his hair, stressed out, but you keep up your innocent facade and he sighs in defeat. “You know what? Just stay in your room until they leave and then we’ll talk.”

“No, we’ll talk now. Are you ashamed of me or something?" You wonder, cocking your head to the side. “I thought you said I was special to you? But apparently you say a lot of things.”

“Baby--”

“Why, Chan?” You finally let your facade drop, letting the full extent of your disappointment and sadness break through. “If you don’t want me here then why did you offer in the first place?”

“I do want you here. I just wasn’t planning on anyone finding out about this.”

You laugh in disdain, “How do you always know what to say, Chan?” 

“I’m sorry but you have to realize how bad this looks for me. I worked fucking hard to get to where I am today. There are so many people waiting for me to make the slightest mistake so they can watch me fall. And here you are… well, you don’t exactly have the best reputation. If people find out about us then--”

“Wow, you really are an angel, aren’t you?” You bite, venom lacing your every word.

He laughs cruelly. “Oh, yes, and the judgement comes out. You’re such a fucking hypocrite. You can judge everyone and treat them like shit, but as soon as someone does the same to you you’re suddenly the poor misunderstood victim that everyone bullies.”

You reel back at the harshness of his tone and words. He’s never spoken to you like that before, no matter how much he was upset at you. It was jarring. “Stop it.”  

“Why? It’s what you’re best at, darling.” He sneers, continuing to ruthlessly attack you. “You judged me before you even knew me and went about treating me like a feeble predator because that’s what you decided that I am. And now you want me to take responsibility for your actions and stand up for you when other people treat you the way you’ve been treating them? But here’s the thing, baby; maybe if you had actually been a decent person and treated others with respect, you wouldn’t be in this situation right now. Hell if you'd been a decent person, you wouldn't be having such a hard time anywhere, not with me, not with school, not--" 

"No, fuck you, chan. Don't you dare tell me this is all my fault. You know nothing about my life! I can't believe I actually--never mind.”

“No say it. You actually what? Liked me? Cared for me? Don’t make me laugh, fox. You don't give a shit about me. Every time I try to get close to you, you pull back like I make you sick. If it weren’t for me offering you a place to stay, you wouldn’t even be talking to me right now. You only care now because I have something to give you, but the second you’re done with me, you’ll throw me in the trash like you do everyone else. And I’m not going to sacrifice all that I’ve worked for to entertain you until you’re bored.”  

“You may be right. I may be as awful as you all say I am.” You smile, tears falling down your face. “But at least I'm honest with myself. You on the other hand? Under all your pretense, you're just as fucked up as I am. And one day, everyone will see you for how ugly you really are. ” 

_______________________________

A/N: sorry guys she (me) had to do it to you. leave your feedback uwu