#he brought me so much peace
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Small detour of what I usually post, but I absolutely wish (other) clown the best of luck during these confusing and almost hopeless times- nobody knows how to deal with such amount of attention in such short amount of time- a blessing and a curse to behold
#Seeing their posts absolutely shattered me#I may never be able to relate to how he’s going through rn but at least I can relate to the fear of living in absolute fear#the fear of unable to be yourself in your own home with creative and personal freedom#The fear of being terrified that the thing that gives you the most innocent happiness will be heavily demonized and threatened#The fear of getting caught doing something you love and being yourself with your found identity#The fear of destruction#I relate heavily to this and to feel you are going to be caught doing anything that isn’t a crime hurts#I wish him safety and love during these stressful days#He’s brought so much joy to my life that I must keep private irl too#Whatever he decides for the fandom I will fully support it#I will still continue posting of course unless he wishes otherwise#If he sees this (which I doubt) hey other clown lmao- you are loved and not alone#It may be scary but you are not alone- you will never be alone#There will always be people out there who love you and there will always be those who are not even worth giving time of day#The internet is both a blessing and a cruel cruel unforgiving place#I hope it doesn’t deter you from doing what you love and hold dear#I hope you have anyone you can be with online or in irl that can give you the comfort you need#You deserve peace and security#Do what you feel is best#Welcome home
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me starting taz ethersea: i think amber's gonna be my favourite, though zoox seems pretty endearing in his own way. not a big fan of devo's overall Vibes for some reason tho
me now, a dozen episodes in: I Love That Fucked Up Little French Boy
#eliot posts#taz#taz ethersea#the adventure zone#devo la main#amber seemed like the type of character i'd absolutely love when her concept was introduced#but in practice idk i don't jive with her in a lot of scenes#i think maybe her prickliness level has passed my personal threshold and crossed from interesting to unpleasant? idk#devo it's like. i was Interested when the religious trauma thing was brought up#but i really started to like him more when it came to wanting to help beck so she wouldn't have to live like he did#zoox from the beginning to now has simply been a Delightful And Funky Lil Guy#also zoox has a lot of the elements that made me like merle so much in the stolen century arc#the continued efforts to make peace and whatnot#...(still don't like devo's voice tho lmaooo)
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I'm usually a very quiet viewer of your blog but I'm so sorry to hear about Lobo :( I've always loved hearing about him from you and he seems like the sweetest boy in the whole world, I'm sending my best wishes that the time he has left is wonderful for the both of you, and that his passing will be gentle.
I originally followed you for taxidermy and I've gotten so much more than that from your blog, beautiful visual art, and little tidbits of other things you love, and most relevant here a glimpse into your life with a wonderful dog, I truly wish I could send more than well wishes and condolences in this hard time, but regretfully this is all I can send.
;-; 💖
#he's such a special boy like#my family loves him#especially my dad#he helped my dad recover from a stroke#gave him some emotional peace and a reason to do his best with his physical therapy#he's always called him his grandson like unironically#and trust me#kind messages and condolences are more than enough#it's been really tough on all of us so i've sent screenshots of these to my family as well#like they know how much they love him#but my mom has cried reading ya'lls messages i've shown her#he's just a special little guy#knowing how many people love him has brought them some peace as well#ask
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impossibly long week ahead of me, but made infinitely easier knowing that i am so deeply beloved by my boyfriend and that we belong entirely to each other :') the light of my life forever and always
#i had a dream last night where we were travelling through the european countryside and decided we were going to elope#so we found an abandoned tiny chapel in the hills and cleaned it out together inside to make it neat and pretty#so that we could get married there secretly#and the dream brought me a lot of peace#because i don't think it was really a dream about marriage but was much more metaphorical#and felt as if we were carving out this little space in the world that was created entirely to house us and our love#which is what it feels like we're doing in the waking world. carving out space in our lives dedicated just to our love#i feel so deeply secure in our love. he truly is the absolute love of my life and i feel so lucky that we found each other#i'll keep him all my life if he'll let me :')#anyway. i can face the week. i can.#we just spent the most beautiful weekend together. i slept so soundly after my last long week#because i sleep so deeply next to him; knowing that i'm safe and loved :')
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ok maybe this is controversial but it's always rubbed me the wrong way whenever an actor/celebrity dies and everyone is mourning them but only in relation to the character they played??? like idk if my mom died tomorrow and everyone was mourning her because she couldn't do her job anymore I would probably commit a hatecrime
#this is unrelated to anything i'm just thinking#but like. when chadwick boseman passed away and everyone was like ''rest in peace king t'challa'' and ''long live the black panther''#like......y'all do realize he ISN'T t'challa right. you understand that he was doing his job playing a role. a real human person.#or when they relate the actor directly to the character??#like when they quote t'challa saying ''in my culture death is not the end'' and use that to ''mourn'' boseman.#and obviously he isn't the only celebrity who this has happened to but he's on the mind rn so that's what im going to#but like. idk to me it feels very....surface level??#we didn't KNOW chadwick boseman personally. and to everyone who DID i imagine it must be hard to mourn the man#when literally the entire world only wants to mourn the black panther. if that makes sense.#idk if i'm making sense here but it's something that's always kinda bothered me#not that expressing condolences for someone who has passed away is a bad thing!!! not at all!!!!!#but when people turn it into mourning What The Person Did instead of the person himself....idk. it bugs me.#celebrity culture at its finest i think.#winter speaks#tw death#this wasn't brought on by kevin conroy's death it's something i've been thinking about a lot recently.#and specifically in regards to chadwick boseman because i watched wakanda forever yesterday.#but idk if this is A Thing or if i'm just reading too much into it. idk.
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okay yeah that should be it i can now sleep at peace
#was having an autism moment you see#jestersvaguely#also altho i brought up phiIosophy spinterest i do NOT trust anyone on here who actively browses that mess of a tag#it's been a couple years since ive checked it so maybe theyve healed but im somehow doubtful#ANYWAY. CONNECTING THAT TO THE THEMES OF MY CURRENT FAV THINGS TOO IS SO INTERESTING TO ME...#hk and ytd specifically atm are sooo good w conveying such strong. ideas to the player#hk much more so bc of its large scale tragedy. but ytd is still intriguing!!#personally i have my own strong stance against the use of the dolls ais but the questions it poses are interesting...#asunaro in general is so... fascinating. the mix of ykza elements & genuine research primarily due to grief...#in rio reflecting kai (and sei) for gashu's peace of mind there was nothing to be done. that it was inevitable.#in emiri joining only after her fiance has been broken. in mr. tazuna & hiyori's death becoming a driving force for shin and keiji#in hiyori continuously refuting death because he fears loss of control. and extension of that control - kai and sou's executions...#there is. so much. asunaro is fucked up. not even bringing in the memorandum#does this even make sense... we will see. i think i can save rhe rattling thoughts for later dissection#this is the gist written out so now kt isnt quite as loud you see
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hm. my dad is now aware that i have slept over at eriks when i visit him.
#dont love that.#he brought it up bc i have an aunt and uncle in his city and i think he was going to offer to like see if i could stay with them at some#point to visit him#he was like have you thought of visiting erik in (city)? and i was like. yeah#and he was like. have you? and i was like. yeah. and he was like how many times? and i said twice and he was like oh. where did you stay?#and i said. eriks place. and he was like. oh. well you know you have an aunt and uncle there that would let you stay right? and i was like.#yeah i know. and it was in front of my mom and sister and brother in law and HIS sister and everyone was so quiet because they know how my#dad is#and i was like in the process of leaving so i just like said bye to everybody real quick and left so im still like. agh. scawed!#idk why even its not like theres anything he can do to me its just like. god i really want to have peace with him i do not want to ever hav#another lecture from him or get yelled at by him again idk im still scared of that. and he hasnt even met erik yet and probably has a#terrible impression of him now just based off of that even though i am always telling them great stuff about him i dont want HIM to deal#with that especially because i do not think that he would take as much bullshit which he shouldnt have to but god i just have this vision o#my dad like. pulling erik aside for a talk or something if they ever meet and trying to scare him and them getting into an argument bc erik#would stand up for himself#idk who knows if that will happen im literally making up scenarios in my head to scare myself but christ. \#the thing is also at this point in my life i just like. i have to keep moving forward in like. the whole living my life without constantly#thinking about the church's and my dad and the rest of my family's expectations. I have to. I almost lied to him but i didnt and thats#really big progress but im still so scared. but whatever. do it scared. agh!
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maria: You say, people... love me? But how could I even remain the symbol of hope, after all the meaningfully cruel and disgraceful acts...
me: Ah, right, they do love you a lot, but you are errrr.... less symbol of hoooope... you are more like, a symbol of hate and toxicity, and like, every single harassment within the fandom since 2016 has been done in YOUR name, people go at each others throats for you, any attempts to comprehend your complexity and gentle side are seen as ill-faithed attack on queer women and as misogyny in general, they also say that if you've seen how miserable and desperate your teacher became unable to accept your death you'd hate him and stab him because you are ruthless and naturally lack compassion for apparently the terrible horror of an old softman in a wheelchair.
maria:
maria: Perhaps, this is the remembrance well deserved for someone like me... *wipes a single tear*
me: Noooo, no, wait, please don't cry! Arrrrgh! Why I even told her the truth?!
simon: I think, someone must have, Kat... The sugar-coated lies about what the wide spread praise and adoration of her truly brought has been going on long enough... Even after remorse and atonement, we are followed by the shadows of our former sins. Heh heh... The work on the consequences of our action entails-
brador: Oh, really, now? Her admirers are going this far? Hah! Brings back memories of the things people did in the name of "his eminence". Humanity is never changing!
simon: *crawls in the corner and starts sobbing because of Brador appearing :(*
me: Hey you lil shit, you didn't let the cool guy finish his thought!! :/
brador: Oh, forgiiiiiive me, have I neglected listening to someone's critical and thought-out remarks regarding Lady Maria, to add my bitter remark instead? 🙄 I am pleased, as I must have met the expectation, as I am quite a big fan of her.
maria: *giggles a little*
me: Okay, that was actually smart, not gonna lie
edgar: Simon, you are pathetic! Is this what it takes you to curl up and whine? You would not bear with HALF of what I am dealing with all the time!
brador: No one cares for what white cis male has to say lmaoooooo!
me: BRADOR, STOP PLAYING THE "AVERAGE MARIA FAN" GAME!!!!
brador: *hisses like a cat and runs away on all four, runs back just to stab Simon, runs away again but this time knocking Maria's table for no other reason but just to be feral bastard*
yamamura: Oh no, they killed Simon!
me: BASTARDS!!!
simon: I am used to it... *dies and drops a photo that was on Maria's table*
maria: Wait, the photo from the workshop... I thought I've lost it! I still wanted to remember him by something, it was not his fault that the wretched curiosity... and I...
brador, voice echoing from afar: Look how hard he gaslighted her to blame herself for what she did because of him! Cis white males strike again right?! Ahahahaha!
me: Okay, I am sick of this gag :/ Edgar, help me to make Brador stop being cringe! ...Edgar, where are you?
edgar: *runs away because situation is becoming too reminiscent of how Micolash trolls him*
me: So much boasting and all for nothing.
paleblood hunter: *is killing patients but not to release them from the torment, but because they are blood-thirsty sociopath*
gratia: *gratia*
blood: *borne*
#bloodborne#shitposting#fandomry rambles#(the bit about photo is canon btw)#(in workshop only one picture is missing and picture on marias table shares same frame asset)#stop brador!!!!!! he likes this game too much!!!!!!#hfhhjgj#post brought because someone on twitter contacted me about fandomry#and shared how terribly people treated him for criticism towards maria#that was so awful#why we can both criticize or praise any character except for maria?#granted his situation happened like 4 years ago#but looking at Mal seems like ever since DLC dropped fandom knew no peace#at least now thanks to lore people the controversy had lessened#but even now roaming haters remain defending honor of maria like how alfres defends honor of the church#oooooof#/vent
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Just found out tater tot died…. In despair
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It's a strange feeling to grieve over someone you never met. Someone who I doubt even knew of my existence. Yet my heart still hurts.
#worst is that i feel i don't deserve to feel like this cause i only really started to know about him last year#feel like a fraud#like someone saying 'ill miss him so much' but they never waved as they passed them on the street#maybe im sad cause i never got the chance to say hi#to wave across the street#after reading his story in june i felt connected in some way#i did not suffer the same pains or heartache#but i felt a better understanding of him after that#how his own experiences and loss made him understand a character that he fully loved and embraced up till his death#i guess knowing a fellow openly queer man brought so much joy to millions across the world made me feel safe and happy#and with him gone there is a little less joy in the world#rest in peace kevin :(#thanks for all you did#Kevin Conroy#batman
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writing a remjnder to myself to write out my problem sleuth story later. Or at least parts of it i want on paper bc wow. there is so much in my head
#the whole gist is just... pickle being the last TS member left alive after years of working and. he loses his shit/ig becomes inny (i have#to write this specifically it's important) and everyone kinda. watches from the afterlife as inny/pickle destroys pretty much every ounce#of peace they brought to midnight city. the crew are dead by that point so the city is like. peaceful at that point#no real big crime groups anymore.#until inny/pickle comes along. and ruins it. for fun. just for fun! and yes i have it specifically that no one can leave the afterlife#anymore. death got sick of it and yk. Now people die permanently#so sleuth just watches in horror :)#another friend and me have a version of this with a few ocs but i also have this which is AWFUL for everyone involved#problem sleuth au posting*
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rick kills all of those saviour men that escaped from the hilltop (even the ones who were helping him and morgan take out the walkers) with absolutely no remorse whatsoever and then he has the audacity to let negan live? the man who slaughtered glenn, abraham, spencer, olivia?? the man who tortured daryl, his "brother"? the man who coerced women into marrying him and sleeping with him (aka r*ped them)? the man who mutilated people under the guise of 'maintaining the rules'? the man who killed thousands of people and forced the other communities to live under his thumb just because he thought he was better than them? man fuck him
#and like.. those are just the things negan did himself. his henchmen did many more disgusting horrible things that we'll probably never#know about. and negan let them get away with it. rick let them get away with it.#i'm sorry but i cannot for the life of me like rick#he's always doing something to piss me off#also.. he's pretty much the reason the whole war started?? so i don't think he has the moral ground to be making these kinds of decisions..#like his death would've brought peace to hundreds of people#it wasn't just about what he or carl wanted#i hate that the characters let him get away with it just bc he's the 'leader' or bc his son died#in fact.. i don't think rick deserves to be the leader at all!! i think he should sit his ass down and let maggie take control#n e ways.. fuck rick grimes fuck negan smith#keeping up with tina#twd spoilers
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Never think that I've stopped talking about Ukraine or that I've forgotten
I follow things every day, every day hoping for some kind of miracle that means the fighting is over, russia will leave every inch of Ukrainian soil, no more bombings... but... I know it's probably some time off... I'm not stupid, I just hope people can stop dying
I follow it every day, hear all the horrible news, keep up to date with things like the Kursk counteroffensive where Ukraine has taken a great deal of russian territory (which shows russia has no red lines)
I just don't share most of what I see on here because I don't want people to get fatigued... there's so many horrible things going on in the world, I don't want to burn people out
I'd rather someone be active and able to do a little than having to just turn off and disengage with everything to avoid losing it
All I ask is that you support Ukraine, they're just trying to exist. Just trying to live normal lives. I just hope you can support the "no civilians deserve to be bombed" platform, and say they don't deserve to be bombed by russia
If you've ever got any questions, it's not like I'm an expert, it's not like I'm living it, but I do follow things every day and it often seems like I know stuff other westerners haven't hear about... so ask away
Anyway, just never think that just cause it's been a bit since I mentioned Ukraine that they're not still on my mind
You hear less for your sake, but I keep coming back every day, and even I don't remotely see the true scale and horror of it, only snippets of... photos, videos, stories people share online
#again; there's someone here on tumblr who it's not like I was close with; but I'd occasionally say this or that thing trying to give support#and they're dead at this point; combat medic; a volunteer#and it's not really my grief; it's their friends and their husband who were torn to pieces by it#...but... I just think about how nothing is ever gonna bring them back#...and nothing's ever gonna bring all the other people killed here back... killed all over the world; but this is where I'm focusing#(in part; cause this is what I know and can kinda speak on; I actually have things worth saying on Ukraine; at least for a westerner)#(where as other stuff going on in the world... it's not like I don't know or have opinions)#(but frankly I think I know enough to know I don't know enough and it's better for my stupid mouth to stay shut)#(let people with actual things to say do the talking; I don't know the people they refer to as experts... what can I add?)#but... you have all these people who we can never bring back... let's at least stop adding more people to the list#if you don't support Ukraine I'm just telling you you're wrong; there's something you've been lied to about#can't tell you what cause I don't know; but I can tell you I'll know it when I hear it#I do mean it; you got good faith questions; I got good faith answers; and I'll back myself up with sources if you want#you give me time to track em down; I can find someone else reputable saying pretty much anything I want to say#russia out of Ukraine; russia stops bombing Ukraine; that's how to end this war; full stop#...Zelenskyy seems to have said more or less the same thing to Modi about peace plans just the other day#though he put it better in part cause he wasn't trying to fit it in tumblr tags#you know; roughly 'give us an actually workable peace and we'd love peace'#what can you do... I don't know? you got jake sullivan's ear to tell him to stop hamstringing Ukraine? let em hit airfields in russia?#given that you don't; I suppose I'm really just asking you to support Ukraine#probably not much more you can do... hell; post on tumblr are about all I can manage; saying stuff to family sometimes#you don't support Ukraine; come talk; I can give you a lot of reason why you should#pragmatic reasons why it benefits you personally; not just cause they shouldn't be bombed#Ukraine is a damn good ally and really needs to be brought into NATO; though I know they won't till after this is over#...anyway... point is I may get quiet but I never stop with this; it ain't going away#...as always there's really nothing I can say; just a big attack that happened and... I feel like saying something#feel like reminding you people Ukraine exists#I don't tend to talk current events unless I see no one talking about it#and I only ever see eastern Europeans talking about Ukraine#so that means I gotta talk about it sometimes
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i'm finally here. i knew making Luke was going to be a challenge, because he absolutely takes all of my attention. but not to worry, i am here to do things. i'm about to go to the store, though, so when i come back, i'll do things.
#* this is my unfinished symphony // ooc.#i love Luke sm though you guys don't even understand#i still need to update all my blogs to add him to my blog roll but#i just love Luke sm and he's brought me so much peace & happiness#anyway i will be back soon <3#to get things done i promise
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cant tell if that clicking is coming from my mice or an annoying ass bird
#i used to like birds#and then i grew up#and now i just want some fucking silence#is it literally so hard to ask for just som esilence#all those movies and stories where people move out to the woods or countryside to escape the city noise and to get peace and quiet are#outrageously unrealistic#i feel like all my time in the city was actually quieter than it is here in the country#between birds and those menaces named chipmunks#(i hate chipmunks i think theyre one of the dumbest animals alive actually.#anyone who walks in the woods knows they just sit there chirping nonstop like a radar#literally leading you and any predators right to their location#they dont stop chirping till you are genuniely on top of them and then they run away (as if that would save them)#like it's no wonder why when i had a cat and he was an outdoor cat the only animal he would bring back dead would be chipmunks (and#he would completely decapitate them. he was my little man and hated chipmunks just as much as me <3)#he never EVER brought back squirrels or birds. or frogs. or mice. or anything other than chipmunks.#bc chipmunks are so dumb they will literally call a predator right to their location.)#but no fr the countryside is SO loud
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Y'all why is Essarhaddon stirring so much shit in 7th century BCE
#he has so much beef with everybody what#literally everybody is involved with this motherfucker#except for the olmecs but they're in a completely different continent so they don't count for this#apparently he brought a great era of peace and rejuvenation to the city he was in though?? i'm ???#he completely rebuilt that city btw#people were just like ok !! and let him do it#he died in 674 and had his son take over#and literally within that year babylonia revolted and overthrew him lmaooo#this is so fucking funny to me#important context: i wanted to make an animatic featuring some of velkurpeni's lore and i wanted to know what civilizations were active-#-when she showed up so i could accurately draw everybody she talks to#i. think i might be autistic guys. /s#augh anyway#Essarhaddon#please make his stupid ass a tag he's so funny#tag rambles#history jokes#history#esarhaddon#< sorry i just realized since there's a couple different spellings of his name out there that he may very well be a tag#i was right!!!#there are indeed a few posts about him#very pleased to join in on the esarhaddon-posting
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