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sloppykyuu · 4 years

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Kitten tree stuff continues

After seeing kitten in the park after months of disappearance Oikawa called Issei to let him know and hes so relieved to heat that shes okay and not hurt so he starts to wander around the park trying to find her but his kitten isnt anywhere to be found he cant see her and he wonders if she left completely but kitten is hiding on a tree waiting for him to leave and when he does she goes back to the birds trying to catch dinner but Issei comes back everyday and after a while kitten started to care less and let her guard down so while shes sitting with her legs at her chest behind big bushes trying to get rid of the fish scales on her breakfast Issei finds her cos the angry mumbling gave her away and when he comes up to her she gets scared and threw the fish at him and jumps up the tree while hes looking at the small dead fish who doesnt look good at all and he looks up at her telling her to come home and he has high hopes but they all shatter when hes met with a firm no from her so he sits down looking up at her waiting for her to come back but she refuses and its already night time and shes not planning on coming down and Issei feels it and he doesn't like it he is begging her to come home he'll do whatever she wants and he regrets saying it the second her ears perk up and her eyes shine so she comes home and tells him he'll sleep on the couch forever and leaves him alone to fo to the bedroom and he watches her as she throws his pillow and blanket in the hallway and locks the door so he sleeps on the couch but at least shes back but she barely comes out only when hes gone and when he comes home she goes back to her room so on his day off he sits on the couch and his kitten is getting impatient waiting for him to leave but she doesn't hear the door so she goes out and sees him on the couch waiting for her he pats the seat next to him and when she sits he tells her how much he regrets hurting her and that he cant beat it anymore and his kitten pours out about how hurt she is and what she saw and what she felt and she doesnt know what to do cos how is it gonna go back to normal what if he gets angry again and he makes her sit on his lap presses her head on his chest where his heart is and tells her to sleep a bit and that things will be better once she wakes up (◍•ᴗ•)

There’s hope thrumming in his heart when Oikawa calls him, claiming he’s just seen you, talked to you. He says you look okay for the most part, you look skinnier and dirtier. He doesn’t wait long after the call before running out the door and heading to the park.

He doesn’t see you that day, maybe you just weren’t here today. He doesn’t let hope dwindle. He’s going to find you.

Everyday for a week, he spends hours in the park, waiting for a sign that you’re still here, that he can still bring you home. But hope is running thin, there’s no you anywhere.

Until one day, he passes by a bush and hears mumbling. So familiar. He rounds the bush to find you peeling the scales off a particularly stubborn fish, angrily murmuring.

“Kitten,” his voice is quiet because he can’t believe you’re here. He’s finally found you, after months of laying his bed alone just waiting, praying for you to return to him, berating himself for the way he treated you. He watches you pause, turning to him with wide eyes, he thinks you’re going to run into his arms when you stand up, but... you’re backing away from him.

Every step he makes closer to you, you take one away from him. “Kitten, please.” He’s desperate. You run off to a nearby tree and run up it, claws digging into the thickest branch as you hide behind it.

“Please come home. I need you.” Hope refills his chest when your head pops out from behind the branch. He can’t figure out the emotion behind them as you shake your head, “no.”

He could throw up. His stomach twists unpleasantly just like the night you left. His breath is becoming labored and tears poke at his eyes.

“Please kitten, I’m so sorry for yelling at you. I’ll do anything for you to come home please baby, I can’t live without you.” You pop your head out again, eye brows furrowed before deciding to climb down.

He moves to wrap you in his arms but you push him by the chest away from you. “I’ll come home but you’re never allowed to sleep in the bed again.” He doesn’t want to sleep on the couch, but if it brings you home he can’t do anything else but nod.

That night you take a shower and eat the meal he made you before stalking off to the bedroom and walking back out with pillows from his side of the bed and a throw blanket, tossing them onto the ground next to the couch. “Goodnight, kitten.” You don’t respond.

For the next few days the cycle repeats; he wakes up on the couch, makes breakfast for the both of, heads off to work, comes home, showers, makes dinner and sleeps on the couch. He doesn’t see you at breakfast or at dinner. But both meals are eaten by the time he gets home.

It’s not what he wants, but at least you’re home and safe.

You don’t hear the door shut like you usually do this morning. You can hear him shuffle around in the kitchen. When is he going to leave? You’re getting impatient and your stomach is growling. When the noise subsides and the house sounds empty, you walk out only to find issei on the couch as if he was waiting for you.

“Come here,” he pats the cushion next to him, slightly wincing with how far you sit from him. “I can’t even begin to explain how sorry I am, kitten. All those days you were gone hurt so bad. I really didn’t think I’d ever be happy again. I know i hurt you, and I’m so sorry. I’ve never regretting anything more in my life. I just need you back, I can’t bear doing this without you.”

He can’t tell if the look on your face is indifferent, but you open your mouth and fears the words about to come out.

“You really, really hurt me. I didn’t mean to hurt her that, she kept pushing me and then you yelled at me. You’ve never done that.” You pause and look away from him. “I came back later that night and no one seemed to care that I was gone.”

You sound so small, it breaks his heart the way you quickly wipe the tears that fall from your eyes. “Baby..” he grips your hand. Heart softening when you don’t pull away. He doesn’t explain himself further, there’s no words that could fix the scars he left on you that night; instead he pulls you into his chest, cradling your head against his chest.

“Things are going to get better, my love. I promise you, I’ll never make that mistake again. I can’t lose you.” He kisses your head and strokes your hair, there’s a heaviness in your eyelids as he pets you. “Go to sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Ever so softly, he can hear a gentle purr rumble against his chest as you drift off.

#ITS DONE YALL #matsukawa x reader #matsukawa angst #matsukawa fluff #matsukawa issei #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #pea answers stuff #(◍•ᴗ•) anon

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mybluudyvalentine · 2 years

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..cont to last post

i think her overdose truly was a wake-up call for bojack (as he said.) not just because he saw himself in sarah lynn but because not only did he metaphorically but he (possibly) literally killed sarah lynn. the heroin is named bojack, not only this, but HE gave it to her as he was on a bender he suggested (even though sarah lynn planned to relapse anyways, so i dont entirely blame bojack for this bender because she was going to relapse anyways.) and it was the heroin [bojack] that had killed sarah lynn.

the way bojack "addressed" sarah lynn's struggles was with the last monologue he gave her; essentially he was telling her that what she feels in the moment doesn't matter because everyone is insignificant and the universe is so big there's no use in worrying about such small issues. one day she will be gone like everybody else that exists at a point. so what's the point in stressing over something that wont matter in a few years? he tells her that all that matters is being in the moment, feeling happy; which i believe sort of lead to her death. not directly, but definitely a consequence of bojacks flawed logic. he doesnt bother much thinking about consequences or what may happen; he lives in the moment, which totally fine in a normal case, but not bojack's. he uses "living in the moment" as an excuse not care about anything. he acts on impulses and how he feels (example: s1 ep2, when he went on LIVE NEWS and shouted at two men solely over muffins. instead of thinking like diane suggested, he acts off of how he feels in the moment.) bojack tends to be very self destructive and impulsive. often times he doesnt know how to see the bigger picture. he parties and drinks constantly. since horsin' around (/herb situation?) he's spent his life feeling shitty about himself, leading to a series of bad decisions. "being in the moment" for him expresses as being far too careless, possibly another reflection of his self hatred. he tells her that her insignificance to the universe shouldnt make her worry about the little things. i think this was his backwards way of trying to comfort her. but still sort of bad advice. you shoudln't really say "live in the moment" to a struggling addict. what she needed was help, and bojack couldnt provide that for her. he couldnt even help himself. he lacks awareness, not just for himself but for others. even with herb he struggled with maintaining their friendship BECAUSE of this lack of awareness. bojack is constantly apologizing for kicking herb off horsin around, totally unaware that he abandoned his best friend for 20 years. after herb tells him that even though bojack understandably wasnt expected to follow herb after he got booted off horsin around, he should've at least stuck around. bojack is clueless as to why herb feels so strongly about this, he even doesn't understand why herb rejects his apology; herb saw right through him. he knew he was only apologizing because herb was dying and he wanted to sort of "tie a loose end" (if you will)

bojack lacks a lot in himself, and its very obvious. he has no idea how to manage himself, constantly relying on others around him, even sarah lynn. It's not that bj cant manage on his own, it's more so that he doesn't have enough awareness of himself to even fix the problems he has. He is absolutely unaware of about 96% of his problems. he often leans onto others that can't take what he dumps off on them, especially sarah lynn. He did more projecting than dumping to sarah lynn. but nonetheless he contributed to the eventual demise of sarah lynn; it was even seen through flashbacks that if someone could have intervened maybe her "inevitable" pop star death could've been avoided.

#bojack horseman #sarah lynn #bjhm

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oh-for-fic-sake · 4 years

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Broken Bones And New Homes

Clark has a surprise and you fuck up.

Masterlist

Warnings:swearing, injury, angst

A/n:so a little bit of fluff and angst

Broken Bones And New Homes

Clark sat back in his chair as Diana took the young girl to get settled and was fixed with a look from the others he sighed.

"She was still doubting herself she needed to see it for herself" Bruce spoke up first unimpressed.

"Yes but it could have gone down hill fast! What if it had pierced you! She'd never have forgiven herself or trusted anyone again!" Clark sighed he knew that Bruce had a point.

"But there was also another reason I was testing her as well like she did to you earlier ...did you see? She was holding back, even when she was angry she found the power to hold it back she didn't want to hurt me not for a second she just wanted to scare me...shes used to scaring people off. I wanted to see if she was truly wants to harm or not anger reveals your true intentions shes good through and through..." Arthur nodded

"He is right Bruce she held back it wasn't nice to watch but the kid did good tho... it was unnerving to watch her have that much restraint ....aren't teens meant to you know? loose their shit she held it together." Bruce nodded it was horrible in a way seeing the control she needed for herself Clark was right she'd had to grow up fast just like them but unlike them she will have someone there for her question was who, tho he had a guess already.

"So whose gonna take her Legally?"

"I will she needs stability, normality but still someone who can keep her in line can you get the paperwork done?" Bruce nodded smirking at Clark, looks like he was taken with the girl in a way they all were Bruce would take her in in a heart beat but with the others it wouldn't be a good idea so this time he will settle for being an uncle, doesn’t mean he cant tease the big man tho? Does it

"Your sure your not even letting anyone else what if I want to-"

"No I'm taking her, she will fit right in at home with me and konner, he has always wanted a sister to look after we can give her a family that she can relax around no offence Bruce but if anything would happen at the manor, your boys are strong but...." Bruce waved him off laughing

"I was messing with you,I know what you mean I will get on it first thing" Clark rolled his eyes at him, Victor pulled up her file on the screen.

"Whoa, her file is .....large shes been through.... to much I don't know haw shes so....stable Clark your gonna have your work cut out for you... how she hasn't already gone mad is beyond me." Barry came closer frowning

"She has a police record?" Victor nodded sadly scanning through the data quickly Clark got up coming over to them

"You found her file? When?" Victor didn't bother looking up at him just pointing to Barry

"He took her bag to her room when you had your little heart to heart and got her name y/n l/n birthday April seventh, born in central city moved to Gotham with her parents at six months old... Clark shes been through a lot its..."

"Tell me I want to know what happened." Victor side and continued

"There’s nothing until she was five when her parents died...police report says parents were only identified by dna because....."

"Because what?" Victor looked down then to Arthur everyone was tense suddenly Diana came into the room hear most of it so far she can gather whats they are on about.

"Bodies crushed beyond recognition, no teeth remaining for a dental record to be found, official cause of death was crushed by ceiling, flats collapsed due to breech in building regulations, no one was charged for it. Child found in flat had resided by parents bodies for three days before being found, no one knows how she survived but she was unharmed and thought the police were there to arrest her, she was under the impression she did it."

"She must have tried to save them and failed...that why she was frightened of the police" Clark summarized victor nodded

"That’s what she said in her report that she did it she couldn't stop the ceiling, after that there is nothing on the incident apart from information about the therapy she should under go and where they sent her. Children's home north Gotham on Presington street." Bruce swore

"Fucking hell that's a shit hole, been pouring money into it for years they were pocketing it as bonuses only went down for it three years ago two deaths to malnutrition" everyone winced things did not look good

"The next eight entries are from the weeks after, mental evaluations, says here she started hurting other kids in the home lashing out and became aggressive to staff, she claimed they were accidents that she couldn't help it that she had powers, they didn't listen until one kid ended up missing an eye... can understand it looks like a vicious attack"

"Probably bullying, it happens a lot to the new kids, if they attacked her then it'd protect her right?" Victor nodded to Bruce and sighed moving on

"They certified her had to drug her to get her out of the home, Jesus Christ they put her in a mental unit in Gotham general child's psych ward inpatient where she stayed under various levels of sedation for a majority of her time there until being released at ten years old showing no signs of instability or any indication she was a danger to herself and others a successful case. By law she couldn't return to the group home so she was fostered between then and a year ago shes had foster homes all across Gotham. Then a year ago she was on a trip with school doing a big beach clean up, it was a campaign the school was behind to help clean up the oceans? they kids were going to protest at Washington....never made it tho...it was when the atlanteans threw out the trash, oil tanker landed on her class's camp sight, two survived her and her student teacher....he said she had held it for around two minuets but most of the others were to scared to move the ones that did couldn't get out of the way and she passed out and well you can guess the rest.... no one believed him when he told them what he'd seen....he killed himself four days later. Since then its been petty thievery and some assaults, shes beaten up a few known drug dealers and gang members.... The police reports are mostly about injuries from dragging her back to foster homes three in the past year, seventeen in the past six, it was more frequent when she was younger, she under goes psychological evaluations once a year to see if her 'schizophrenia' is coming back. But that it" Diana covered her eyes rubbing the bridge of her nose shaking her head at the humans stupidity.

"So they told her she's mad? For four nearly five years they locked her away? made her believe she was crazy? And drugged her" She leaned back feeling sorry for the girl she'd been put into a brutal system at the most devastating time in her life, shed had to deal with it alone. Bruce sighed he knew Gotham wasn't the best place for an orphan... but that seemed harsh even to his standards.

"She hid it to seem normal, so she could get out of the hospital no wonder she so guarded she had to outsmart Drs and psychiatrists when she was a child" everyone spoke apart from Arthur he sat there fists clenched seething."Arthur! what happened you couldn't have known" he growled he knew that, there wasn't anything he could so but still it irked him knowing that it had happened, that shed tried to save her class mates from his people-his brother and hadn't been able to.

"I know....I know that but that is what triggered all this again isn’t it? That’s what made it come back stronger and now she cant control it? The reason shes been on the streets...And I was here laughing and jokeing around with her? When she knew it was me-my people who did that? How she didn't fuck me up right away I don’t know cos if it was the other way around I would have" Barry sighed before speaking quietly.

"Well doesn't that show she doesn't blame you? I mean we all knew that something big happened so I don’t think she blames you... she had every chance to blow up at you about it when she explained a little herself but she didn't..I wouldn't worry." Clark nodded agreeing with Barry then continued.

"Be there for her now, if she wants to talk she will.." Arthur nodded letting out an angry breath that was all he could do now, be there for her.

"Clark could you go check she's in bed I gave her half an hour to have a shower and be in bed by" he nodded hearing the others all start making their way to their rooms deciding to call it a night. He slowed opening the door poking his head in he smiled seeing you curled up in the blankets not asleep yet but near enough he quickly shut the door. He was determined to become the father you needed he would talk to Konner tomorrow about it, he would be happy having a little sister but Clark would have to explain to his son what was going on with her before introducing them...And his mom he will need her help.

"AAHHH!" You screamed bloody murder when there was a excruciating crunch then you slammed into the floor, tho it was softer then it should have been your head struck it hard with a bone cracking force, you groaned laying there sobbing and gasping as your arm head and ribs were in agony, seeing blood, you cried harder heaving and panicking when your vision went fuzzy then heard the door be all but ripped off its hinges and saw someone you didn’t recognize, he looked around a year or so older then you black hair, blue eyes. He kneeled beside you then looked up inspecting your arm wincing there was bone....

You woke up stretching and yawning it had been three weeks since you got here...and things were pretty sweet, you had a comfy bed free reign of the kitchen and a private bathroom. You hadn't really trained with the others yet just a few practice sessions that ended reasonably well most of the time you'd read, using various books to help you understand what was possible then sort of felt your way about the place and kept to yourself as much as you could which wasn't much as you found they all wanted you to feel welcome....It was hard not to become close but you kept saying to yourself it was temporary despite what Diana had said Clark hasn't been near you since the first night, only popping in briefly then off again for days on end it didn't give you much hope for the future.

But you assumed by now they all knew the story so you cant blame them, no one wants to be around a mad meta-human so its understandable...not that your mad at least you didn't think you were just gifted and confused. You quickly threw your hair up out of the way ignoring your thoughts, you’d rather not fall into that little debate again for now, wanting to just get your powers under control and get out of here before you get to attached. Taking your current architecture book, this you was using to find different types of structural systems which is the strongest and most reliable ect and made your way to the training room, today you were testing something out...A theory you'd been working on basically you wanted to make some stairs see how many things you could hold at once.

You opened the door to the room you’d been working in. It was tall and must be about ten meters across each way not the biggest in the watchtower but it was enough for you. You placed the book at the door open on a page depicting floating stairs. It should be easy just platforms from the walls big enough to step on you flared your power feeling your way around then took a deep breath to the side stretching out a hand to the wall, metal with concrete behind it, you started moving one foot up pulling a platform from the wall then another above this continued until you was a fair height you opened your eyes looking down you’d made it half way up the tall room you smiled it had worked!

You jumped for joy then moved faster paying less attention trying to force it on auto pilot climbing higher you faltered a little the next step was a little uneven, it looked tilted and .....iffy you gulped looking down only now realizing just how high your were you slumped back against the wall a little nervous, maybe you should have had someone in here with you but hindsight was 20/20 staying still for a few moments you took deep breaths collecting yourself, that was enough you thought you turned placing both hands on the wall completely freaked out as you made a slow descent making sure two feet were firmly placed on each step before you moved to the next as you went down the stairs you got maybe eight steps then all hell broke loose.

A few fell away as you panicked but tried to breath through it only for more to slip back into the wall in your addled mind you panicked watching the steps one by one collapse you made a snap decision and made a leap of faith crying out as you smacked your ribs on it making you try and scream you couldn't make a sound winded , you scrabbled on the step flailing legs trying to find purchase your eyes widened watching as the rest disappeared then the one you held crumbled away you screamed pulling at the ground to help but in the confusion you only smashed a few pillars into you one clipped your waving arm

"Shit shit hold on y/n, I'll get dad just stay here okay? Don’t-don’t go to sleep okay?" He dissapeared then returned seconds later with Clark Diana and Barry close behind. Clark swore seeing your crumpled form running to sit beside you, he didn't need his x-ray vision to see that you'd broken your arm as it had snapped and was sticking out crudely at an odd angle he sat by your head stroking your hair whispering softly to you trying to calm you down as you panicked crying and hyperventilating.

"Shh shh its okay, I've got you I've got you, Barry can you tell Bruce whats happened we need a car, ambulance or something, Diana can you help hold her still I've got to move her ,get her to the hospital, I can't fly her there could cause an infection or something." Diana crouched beside you shushing you trying to help calm you, moving your head to look at her you tried moving but screamed loud, Clark placed a hand on your tummy holding you still.

"Don’t move y/n don’t move Let me do it okay? Diana I need her on her back can you hold her shoulder I don’t want to move her arm to much Yet ready one... two.. three" everyone winced as you cried out loud your pain echoed in the room

"Shh shh its okay your doing really well I'm here its going to be okay...Konner can you get a cloth we are going to have to stop the bleeding" he looked nervous

"Can't you just laser-" Clark shook his head

"Shes human and will need a cast for it to heal kon we can't explain that in hospital, a clean cloth konner now!" Bruce came running in with a medium black box he swore loud seeing you on the floor.

"Bruce whats that?" He ignored Diana and quickly stopped by you opening the case pulling out a small needle and vial filling the needle with half a dose he would use himself.

"Tramadol, I always have some here incase...Clark I need a vein find one!" Clark moved from your sight making you whine trying to move your head to him. Clark pointed one out on the inside of your arm Bruce’s hand shook he was stopped by Barry.

"We can't just give her tramadol! If they give her morphine it could cause a reaction, We need to get her to the hospital...We can't explain how we gave her tramadol" you looked up as you felt someone else by your broken arm the blue eyed teen went to press the cloth hard over the wound on your arm Diana called out to him

"No head, head the arm will stop bleeding before the head!" He nodded shuffling forward holding it to your head you cried out.

"FFFUUUUCCKK! Fuckfuckfuck noNOOOONO PLEASE STOP!" You screamed at him Clark looked over to a distraught konner who hesitated.

"Keep it there, hold on y/n we get you to a hospital soon just hold on okay sweetheart"

"Yeah don’t go towards any white lights" that brought on a whole new flood of tears as everyone screamed

"BARRY!" you weept as Diana cradled your head in her lap holding you still for konner and making sure your arm was left alone.Bruce was already on the phone to the ambulance requesting one to come over immediately two blocks down where Clark could take you as Clark repeated what he saw.

"Snapped right through the radius and ulna, broken ribs and cracked head, heavy bleeding" Bruce recounted what Clark had said

"Five minuets away okay yes we already moved her to stem the bleeding, shes pale already we will be outside yes" he put the phone down.

"Five minuets we have to move her they think shes on third" Clark bit his lip you cried begging them not to touch you.

"Konner, Barry open the doors for me" you shook your head at him as he moved slowly.

"NO! Please don’t Clark-Clark please don't it hurts I don't want to move" he ignored you taking the cloth from konner pressing it firmly

"Hey hey its okay, just breath I promise I'll be so quick you might not even notice okay? But we need to get you to the hospital, now deep breath in and out that's it good girl breathe in and out" he used the the moment you breathed out to quickly move your arm as gently and fast as possible. Your breathing hitched then you screamed again feeling the boned move.

"YOU FUCK YOU FUCKING FUCK!" He closed his eyes trying to calm himself down he felt bad but it had to be done he couldn't move you anywhere with it dangling about, opening his eyes he crouched over you wiping at the tears hushing you.

"Good girl all done the worst is over now ,I'm so proud of you, now we can move you without touching it again , we don’t need to move it anymore"

"Y-you promise?" He nodded moving tucking you up into his arms the stood up with you pulling you against his chest making sure to stem the blood from your head wound, the bleeding front your arm had slowed but he was worried you were drowsy, very weak you head lulled back eyes unfocused and you was very pale.

"I need something to cover her shes cold, shes gonna pass out" konner shrugged off his heavy coat placing it over her gently tucking it down between her and his dad making sure it was secure.

"The apartments on 3rd right?" Bruce nodded

"Y/n close your eyes honey" you closed them as tight as you could still moaning in pain, it was unbearable there was a rush of air then nothing you'd passed out.

When you come to you were in a white room with huge animal stickers across the walls you grunted then whined at the fluorescent lights you moved your arm to your face noticing a thick bandage. Looking around you saw you was in a private hospital room. Scanning the room you noticed Clark slumped in the chair beside you and the teen from before. The door opened and you saw a woman you didn't recognize she looked kind and chilled out holding a cardboard drinks holder with three cups in it, she stopped short and smiled looking relieved.

"You know you gave them quite a scare...I haven't seen Clark that frightened since...well I don't think I have ever seen him that frightened" you moved sitting up wincing she quickly placed the cups down

"Whoa slowly honey that's it slowly are you in any pain? They said the medication would last longer but you now how doctors are..."you shook your head no.

"Groggy, err what happened?" You trailed off as Clark stirred beside you then blinked his face lit up as he saw you awake and he quickly grabbed you tugging you in for a hug you yelped a little in surprise making the bed shake small pins forming on the surface as it tried to stop the offending body that launched itself at you, you caught it in time, he tucked your head under his chin running his fingers across your scalp holding you for a few seconds then pulled back holding your shoulders looking stern.

"Don’t you ever do that again, you hear me you almost gave me a heart attack! You nearly bled out! You don’t train alone ever! Not until I know you can handle it Do you understand me?!" You nodded slowly at him not quite with it then looked at the woman who stood at the bottom of the bed the blue eyed boy got up standing next to where Clark sat at the head of the bed.

"Clark? Where? Whats going on?" He looked down at you kissing your head he sighed tucking you under his arm.

"You lost focus and panicked you fell about twelve foot, you had a nasty break snapped your ulna and radius, broke three ribs and cracked your head open, you lost a lot of blood, they had to operate on your arm and you've had a few blood transfusions" you looked at your wrapped arm then followed the canula that tied you to a beeping machine with an iv bag that was half full of clear liquid you gulped.

"W-why is it beeping whats wrong?" The woman came over sitting on your right side straightening your arm making the beep stop

"Its when you cut off the tube, there see? Now it can carry on" you looked from her then to Clark and blinked.

"Oh god don’t tell me Bruce had to pay for all that..." Clark shared a look with the other two in the room.

"Well he would have happily you know that but it just so happens Ma's insurance covers the whole family soo" you froze snapping your head up to him.

"I’m not family" He smiled at you then nodded to the woman sitting on your right.

"This is my mother Martha and my son Konner....as of yesterday they have been your brother and grandmother....Diana told you I was going to adopt you its only just been finalized, Konner and I came to get you yesterday we wanted to surprise you then he heard you screaming ...we've been working on your room at home and on the farm for the past few weeks, its why I haven't been around much I had a lot of paper work and court appearance's Bruce helped me through it all... but its all done....your officially y/n Y/l/n Kent now." You bit your lip looking down shaking your head. No they couldn't have. You sniffed. Then felt the woman place her hand on your back rubbing it.

"Hey hey what the matter? Its okay" you shook your head using your good hand to wipe at your eyes trying desperately not to cry but failed miserably.she wrapped an arm around your shoulder pulling you in letting you cry on her you just kept shaking your head not willing to believe that someone had actually chose to keep,you, it had to be a mistake, or some sick joke. No one adopted teens, once you hit twelve you aged out.

"Hey whats with the tears? We don't look that bad do we?" You shook your head at the woman pulling back from her.

"No I-you cant" you couldn't even get the words out around your sobs, you was confused and happy and terrified all in one. Clark interrupted

"Who says I cant? Your ours now and your coming to live with us" you hiccuped still trying to bite back your small shuddering sobs.

"I-I don't have to move again? And I get to stay?" He wrapped you up in his arms again .

"No your not going any where now, your stuck with us and when we leave here we are all going to the farm for a while to settle then you'll be moving back into metropolis with me and Konner...why don't you introduce yourself Konner?" He moved forward smiling shyly

"Im glad your okay now....don't do it again tho it wasn't...nice watching you bleed out like that" you smiled at him wiping your eyes trying to stop the tears.

"Thank you for finding me....if you hadn't I don't know what would have happened.. and I’m sorry for screaming at you..." he waved it off"Its okay you were hurt so of course you would scream at me, and I couldn’t let my little sister die before picking on her at least once wheres the fun in that." You fidgeted with the blanket.

"Y-you don’t mind having me around? Even near your grandma? I’m not exactly safe" he shook his head going to speak but was cut off by his grandma taking hold of your chin.

"No you are not dangerous," you held up your arm but she shook her head

"Yes so it was a stupid decision But you wont do it again, even with your powers your human just like me and need to be more careful, besides I'm pretty sure I can handle it, he got his laser vision when he was seven, try that for dangerous" you looked to Clark unsure but he shrugged nodding.

"Its true she raised me and came out fighting any way we've already established that you can acclimatize your powers to other people nothing happens with Diana Bruce or Barry anymore me and konner just need to hang around until you reach that point hence why we are going to the farm for a while first."

"How do you know that?" He sighed

"I may not have been around but Bruce kept me updated" you looked down again Martha sat back smiling you were lost, just as lost as konner had been but she knew you'd come around it will take time you haven't had anyone for a long time, Clark had let both her and konner know what had happened and about your power she was excited to have a granddaughter around the house for a while.

"Plus it will be good to get you away from the city for a while, whens the last time you got out of the city and had some fresh air?" You shook your head tilting it a bit

"Never left Gotham before" she smiled at you

"Well are you in for a shock, huge open spaces fresh air its really something" Clark smiled as you relaxed konner piped up"It really is, there's lots of space to let loose and you can practice your power thing in the garden" you looked to Clark who smiled brightly at you

"Yes its just about time to start planting crops so you can help out on the fields and in the potting barn" you smiled eyes lighting up

"I've never grown nothing before, can I grow tomatoes And cucumber?" Martha nodded at you making you glow.

"After you catch up on your classes, your nearly a eight months behind in every subject" you frowned at him shaking his head

"What no I'm not-" he leaned back crossing his arms at you

"Yes you are, I was given your transcripts you have been slowly falling behind since switching to online so we have a strict schedule in place that your going to follow to catch up, konner will be there to he is doing online as well so your going to have a classmate" you looked at konner stumped.

"Is he serious?"

"Deadly I’m afraid, but I will help you so don’t sweat it" you nodded you didn’t mind really it will be nice having someone who really cared who wasn’t paid to do it you smiled leaning back a little Clark caught you moving in to quickly kiss your head

"I'm sure it wont be that bad" the door opened and a doctor came in with a smile crossing the room quickly standing at the bottom of the bed.

"So how is the patient today? Well your up which is good any pain at all?" You shook your head curling into Clark....You didn't like doctors one bit. He stood at the end of your bed reading the clipboard.

"Well that’s good" he smiled to you then began talking to Clark making you frown a little it was odd...being treated like a kid, when your an orphan people tend to treat you different older they know your more independent but now your doctor was bypassing you opting to speak about you not to you, Martha caught your confusion and patted your hand.

"Her blood is back to normal and the ob's are fine, I see no reason to keep,her in any longer there’s no fever or anything that could show an infection so you can probably leave today, just need to remove the iv and get a cast put on I will have someone come up to take you down for that in the next hour or so." Clark nodded then spoke

"Is it going to scar?" The doctor hesitated"It was a nasty break, clean cut but nasty it probably will leave a scar but I'm not sure how bad it will probably just be a small one where the bone came through the skin" you gasped

"It came through? Ew.... did someone get a picture?" konner laughed nodding moving to pull out his phone making the adults sigh

"Hell yeah look" you did immediately regretting it.

"OH FUCK I’m gonna be sick, we are white meat....looks like a chicken fillet" you bent over heaving Clark sighed rubbing your back you hissed as the movement pulled on your ribs.

"Kon put it away, what about her ribs will they heal? And her head?"

"Head will be fine the stitches will dissolve and her ribs will be if she takes it easy, the bandage she had on now will help but she has to go slow and come back for a check up" he flipped the chart

"Metropolis? I will arrange for you to go there for the check up" Clark corrected him

"Could you make it Smallville medical center? We are going to stay there for a while, I’m thinking if she wont listen to me she will listen to grandma" you flushed feeling a strange warmth in your chest as he said that....this was going to take a while to get used to. The doctor smiled chuckling

"Now that does sound like a good idea, cast will be on for a minimum of seven weeks...in her case probably longer."

"Will she get a color one?" The doctor nodded to konner

"Well we have a pretty bright pink-"

"Black....I want black" he stuttered looking for help from the others who all shrugged

"I don’t think we have black at the moment there’s pink,purple, lime green, orange and blue but you can ask when you get there. Now I’m going to go and cal a nurse to get that iv out." You blinked as he left the room.

"Well he was fucking rude barely spoke to me....just you I'm going on trust pilot what was his name again?" Martha laughed and Clark snorted

"Its called having a dad, I sort out the adult stuff now remember? You just be a kid" you faltered looking down it will take time, Clark cast a look over you to Martha who shook her head konner sensed the awkwardness and quickly interrupted.

"Can I draw on your cast....never drawn on one before." You regarded konner for a second"You gonna draw a dick on it?" He shook his head smirking

"Okay but if you do draw a dick on it I'm gonna draw one on your face in your sleep....just saying"

"No one is drawing dicks on any one" Clark rolled his eyes at the two teens, he'd admit he was a little worried about how you two would be but something tell's him your both going to be fine, you both had been crying out for someone who you couldn't accidentally hurt and that was going to be your starting point, no doubt there was going to be bumps along the way but for now he was happy, his family was growing happy and healthy he couldn't ask for more than that.

#justice league x teen reader #justice league x reader #superman x reader #clark kent x reader

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haemosexuality · 4 years

Note

How did you feel about Shadowweaver in the end? She was a terrible child abuser but something in my brain (prob mommy issues) makes me still like her when she’s sort of helping them after becoming their prisoner despite her not telling them everything (like what could happen to Adora if she took the magic from the heart) and then when she sacrificed herself my gay brain went 😱🥺🤍🤍baby

I hate her lmao,,,, oops wrote a whole ass essay

she just wants power. she wanted power from the sorcerers and when they didn't give her, she went to hordak. and then, we he put her in prison and ordered her death, she went to the princesses, both to get revenge on hordak and because she new that if she helped get hordak fucked, the princesses would trust her and give her power (which happened. lmao.). She's the true kind of evil- the evil that doesn't think theyre doing anything evil. She abused Catra and Adora "for their good". She thought that now that she was on the Good Guys™ side, she was a good person too, which she wasn't. She wasn't there because she had a change of heart and realized the horde/she was wrong and wanted to help destroy them- she never cared about what the horde was doing and she never thought she was in the wrong. She went and stayed at the rebellion because she was still getting some power (influencing the queens decisions) and was manipulating glimmer so that she could mold her by what she wanted (like she did with Micah and Adora) and slowly get her trust and more power over the rebellion.

And her sacrifice was just that- Adora had just told her she would never forgive her and no one else believed her bullshit anymore. Like she said, she was too far gone, it's "too late" for her. By "sacrificing" herself (honestly, if she really cared about adora, she wouldnt have happily told her to get the failsafe and die in the process. She was willing to let adora DIE. When asked what would happen if adora died she said "The universe will be solved by your sacrifice" or something. She doesn't love adora. She doesn't care about anyone but herself.), all she did was 1-Manipulate them into forgiving her. After all, she died for them, they couldn't "never forgive" her now, could they? She even told Catra she was PROUD of her (which she not ONCE showed with all the belittling and bad talking and "shes a destraction shes bad look at what youve done blablabla")!, 2-Traumatize them one more time, 3-Find one last way to get into their head. Like, she wanted their forgiveness or something, sure, but not because she wants to do good, just because she cant deal with not being forgiven, i think. Like, her last words were even "You're welcome", they didnt say thank you dude take your entitled ass somewhere else.

noelle says it better in some interviews she did:

"Noelle Stevenson: I think that Shadow Weaver’s sacrifice is a little bit less about her character getting redeemed, because I think that's another message of this season, especially, is that redemption is not just one good act and dying. And forgiveness is not a given. It is something that you have to work for. I mean, we see Catra learned that lesson as she makes the grand sacrifice, and then she's rescued, and she has to actually face the people that she hurt and actually work to fix the relationship that she ruined. And then we see Shadow Weaver make that decision as well, but she does choose sort of a selfish way out, of being like, "I will do this one good act and then you'll have to forgive me.'"

"Stevenson: Really that last scene, I don’t think we’d ever seen Shadow Weaver truly trying to be selfless that way because I don’t know that she’s ever been able to see Catra and Adora as people she truly does love, but it was clear that Catra and Adora did feel that way about her at some point. They wanted to impress her and for her to praise them. They have to move past her because she’s been such a toxic presence in their lives, and as soon as she enters the story again, you can see those emotional cracks being stressed."

"I think what is so frustrating about her and Seasons 2 through 4 is that she absolutely believes that she is now a good guy. She absolutely believes that everything that she’s doing, while it’s still in her own selfish pursuit of power, is the right thing. And that continues into Season 5."

#Rot In Hell #IM SO SORRY FOR THE ESSAY I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT SHADOW WEAVER AND MOST OF THEM ARE #actually its a 50/50 situation. most of then r rot in hell but the others are 😳#when she sacrificed herself i thought the crew was trying to redeem her and got so mad i didnt even think until catra shouted ADORA PLEASE #shadow weaver #she ra #I do get feeling attached to her tho like. idk shes a very complex character #and VERY well written. they did such a good job on her

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wreckofawriter · 5 years

Text

Amplified Emotions

Word count: 2,184

Warnings: None

Request: Hi! How about a Newt x reader where WCKD sends up a serum that makes emotions WAY stronger, the gladers don't know what it is so reader volunteers to test it, but she has a bad crush on Newt, so anytime she feels any emotion it's amplified by an extreme amount. They first notice it when she gets REALLY mad at something super small and meaningless, then she starts bawling when Chuck gets a paper cut, then she can't stop following Newt around and blushing. Ends with a kiss?

A/n: I dont really like how this one turned out but whatever

You sat staring at the blonde boy across your breakfast, he sat a table away laughing with Jeff and the other med-jacks. A strand of his dusty blonde hair hanging in front of honey brown eyes. His pink lips curved into a bright smile.

“Yo, y/n, you awake?” Minho asked waving his hand in front of your face.

“Uh y-yeah sorry. Just tired.”

“Well you better be ready for today, your gonna run the C section and then meet us up towards D.”

“Got it.” You sighed breathing in the humid thick air which would for sure make today's run sweaty and gross. You stole one more glance at Newt before standing and dumping your empty plate in a wooden bin.

So far no one had caught on to your feelings and that was a good thing. You had always been good at hiding feelings and you weren't very emotional at all. You also knew that if your crush was exposed to one gladder, the rest would know in a matter of hours.

You trudged down to your hammock grabbed your pack and walked to the opening of the maze waiting for Minho. Once he arrived you began to run. Your mind filled with images of blonde hair, brown eyes and the sharp jawline you have grown to love. When you met up with Minho and Caleb you listened to them banter a bit about the maze before you reached the glade a few minutes before sundown.

As you walked in you saw the whole glade clustered around the cage. You ran up to the crowd pushing your way to the front to greet the greenie.

What you saw shocked you. A young boy who couldn't be older than 12 sat in the cage. You had never had a boy that young before come up. His face was pale and his eyes wide as his forehead beaded with sweat. Gally was currently in the cage, unsuccessfully trying to get the kid to calm down.

“Gally!” you shouted, “back off.”

He stepped back as you jumped down into the cage landing with a thump as the cage rattled around you.

“Hey kid,” you started trying to keep your voice calm. “You're ok just come with me and I'll get you out of this hell hole surrounded by idiots.” you smiled.

“Where am I? What's going on? How did I get here? And who are you?” He gasped.

“Look I know you have a lot of questions and I will answer you when you come out here, ok?”

He seemed to calm a little bit, standing and making his way toward you.

After showing around the kid you now knew as chuck you went to see what was up with Clint, you hadn't seen him since breakfast.

“Hey Clint,” you said as you walked into the medical room. You furrowed my eyebrows as you saw, Alby, Minho, Zart, and Newt along with Clint and Jeff clusters around something.

“Oh um hey y/n.” He said glancing up at you then back to the group who had all turned around.

“What's up?” You asked walking closer. You caught a chemical sent as you neared them.

“We have a bit of a problem,” Alby spoke up, his eyebrows knitted together.

“Oh, what is it,” you asked peering into the box they were surrounding.

“ Well whatever these are came up in the box and we aren't sure what they are used for.”

“There's no label?” you asked as you examined the dozen or so syringes in the box filled with a red liquid.

“There was nothing,” Newt said. You tried not to let the gaze he held on you quicken your heart but you had no such luck.

“Maybe we should get someone to test it?” Zart suggested, his blue eyes scanning the reaction of the crowd. Alby bit his lip, Minho shrugged and Newt looked up in shock.

“No way!” He exclaimed, “what if it's dangerous?”

We all turned to Clint and Jeff wanting an explanation.

“Umm, I think that Zart is right,” Clint suggested, earning an agitated scoff from Newt.

“ Newt, it could be a new and improved cure or something to help us get out.” Alby agreed, nodding.

“Alright,” Newt sceved, “then who is willing to try it?”

Everyone went silent scanning the room. You sighed, “I will.”

Newts eyes went wide. “No way!”

You huffed, “Newt, I'm the least important in this group, if I die or something I can be replaced, but the leaders,” you gestured to the group, “cant.”

“Are you saying you're expendable.” Newt gasped.

“No just more expendable than you. Plus who said I was gonna die, it will probably do nothing.”

Newt started at you opened his mouth as if to say something then turned on his heel and stormed out of the room. You sighed and turned to the rest of the group sticking out your arm.

“Let's do this.”

When the liquid felt its way into your bloodstream it felt warm and fuzzy then ice cold then just gone. You waited for everyone's eyes wide in anticipation.

“You feel anything?” Minho asked eyebrows raised.

“Nope.” You answered.

“Ok maybe it was just a dud, just take it easy for a while ok?” Jeff said

“Got it.”

The day went on somewhat normally that was until Chuck got hurt. By hurt I mean he got a tiny cut from a knife while helping the slicers. You're a usual small bit if empathy was suddenly magnified and you felt your self sobbing. Chuck along with everyone else stared at you as you choked out more sobs. It wasn't just that though when Caleb through a cheesy pick up line at you, you got so infuriated you slapped him. But that wasn't even close to the worst of it.

When you saw Newt your heart felt like it was going to fall out of your chest and your breathing became heavy. You felt your self flush bright red as he neared you. It didn't help that he ran his hand through his extremely soft locks and it definitely didn't help that he had taken off his shirt while working showing his perfectly sculpted abs shining with sweat. You swear your soul left your body when he approached you.

“I still can't believe you took that bloody stuff.” He muttered as he stood in front of you. You could function. You just stood there. Your eyes trailing over his body your checks growing warmer and warmer. You gulped.

“Look I'm sorry I stormed out I just didn't want you to get hurt” Newt continued unfazed by your behavior.

You just stood there mouth open staring at him blushing more and more feeling your hands grow clammy.

“Hey, are you ok?” Newt asked concern flashing his face.

“I'm f-fine” you managed to stutter out. Still gaping at him.

“You look flushed, are you sick? Did that shucking thing do something to you?” He stepped toward you leaning his hand on your forehead checking your temperature. His touch shot sparks through you as you leaned into his touch. “Y/n we should go to the med-hut your burning up.”

“I'm ok,” you said feeling your heart die as he pulled away from his hand.

“Alright just tell me if you feel sick ok?”

“Got it,” you said dreamily.

“See you at dinner.” He said walking away.

“Yeah,” you said quietly.

The rest of the day you spent following Newt around. You watched him work while pretending to be busy preparing something or fixing clothes. You would blush profusely when he neared you and you would feel yourself fall into his brown eyes at his mere glance. At dinner you found yourself falling into Newt as you watched him laugh at Monhos stupid joke. Just watching him you felt so in love. The infatuation of him grew within you and you couldn't not be around him. As you watched him you suddenly felt a tap on the shoulder.

“Uh, your staring,” Chuck said.

“No, I'm not.” You countered your eyes still trained on the brit a few tables away.

“You're still doing it.” He pointed out.

“Shut up” you muttered

“You like him don't you?”

“No, I don't”

“ Then why are you still staring at him”

“Look he's just super hot ok?” You bit your lip.

“Ewwwww. He is not.”

“He so is” you swooned. All of a sudden he and Clint started towards you.

“We'll just test it out ok?” Clint whispered

“I just feel bad.” Newt answers.

“Hey, Newt.” You said in a haze.

“Hi y/n.” He greeted awkwardly

“Hey so y/n, how are you doing,” Clint said sitting opposite you.

“Good.”

“You're not sad at all?” he asked raising his eyebrows.

“ No why?”

“Well, you can't run tomorrow,” Clint said.

“What! Why!?” Your disappointment turned to sadness and sadness to despair. And you were bawling again.

“I swear, I have never seen y/n like this, she had never even batted an eyelash at something like that before that shucking serum,” Newt said as he wrapped a gladly accepted arm around you.

“So I guess it amplifies feelings?” Clint said as you three walked back to the med-hut.

“Yeah but that still doesn't explain why she gets all blushy and mushy around me.” Newt pointed out.

“Actually it does,” Chuck smirked.

“W-what?” Newt looked confused.

“Yep, bet she was just really good at hiding feelings before this.” Clint chuckled.

“You're trying to tell me she likes me?” Newt asked.

“ From a medical standpoint, it is the only answer.” Clint jeered

“Shuck face,” Newt muttered but he still could feel the blush creeping up his neck.

The next day you woke with a pounding headache and memories of yesterday flowed through your brain. Then you remembered Newt, watching him, blushing, ruining the perfectly good act you had kept up for almost a year.

“Shruck, shruk, shruk shruk!” You yelled anger pricing through your stomach.

“You okay y/n?” Jeff asked.

“I'm fine” you groaned.

“You can't run today.” He stated waiting for a reaction.

“Whatever that shit wore off ok.” You groaned.

“Sorry about that. By the way, Newt is looking for you.”

You groaned again, “How marvelous.” You drawled sarcastically.

“I think he's in the gardens,” Jeff said

“Thanks” you stood up your warm feet meeting the cold floor of the med-hut. You tucked in your shirt and did your best to calm your disheveled hair as you made your way to the gardens.

When you saw him your heartbeat quickened and you felt yourself grow nervous.“Hey Newt!” You called with all the courage you had left in you

“Hey y/n, I'm guessing that bloody thing wore off then?” he said walking toward you

“Yup” you answered halfheartedly.

“Well umm,” Newt scratched the back of his neck stopping a few feet in front of you. “Clint said that judging from the symptom it like amplified emotions or something?”

You felt crimson wash over you. “Uhh yeah, it did. And listen I know this is gonna be really awkward now and I'm sorry but I guess you told me not to take it.” You laughed dryly.

“Why would it be awkward?” Newt questioned

This time you just stared at him, “Uuuhhhh ‘cuz you know I like you.”

Newt grew red, opening his mouth closing it than saying, “Who says that it will be awkward.” He took a step toward you when he did.

“Like everyone is going to make it awkward you know, plus bow everyone is going to pick on me because of it and you will get teased too.” You pointed out trying to get him to see the facts, “when someone likes someone who doesn't like them back and everyone knows it tends to get awkward.”

Newt sighed, “y/n, for being so smart you really are dumb sometimes.”

“Newt, I don't get it why would-”

“Bloody hell,” Newt muttered before leaning forward and placing his lips on yours. The kiss was sweet and soft, his lips danced on yours gracefully. You could taste a bit of salt and strawberry from Newt's lips. He placed his hand on your waist as you moved your hand through his blonde hair.

You pulled away gasping for air, face flushed and lips swollen.

“I like you too shrunk face ” Newt whispered placing his hand on your face. You giggled.

Your moment was interrupted by a large sigh of annoyance. You both turned to see Minho his pack on his back, holding yours.

“I'm going to have to deal with this every day aren't I?” He muttered although you could see him smile a bit.

“Shut it.” You groaned grabbing your pack and kissing Newt in the cheek. “See you later.”

“Bye y/n” he sighed. Before he pulled you back in for an actual kiss making you drop your pack and raise your arms around his neck as you he slid his tongue into your mouth.

“Ewww guys come on.” Minho groaned. Earning a certain finger from you.

#newt imagine #newt maze runner #newt maze runner imagine #newt x reader #newt maze runner x reader #maze runner imagine #the maze runner #maze runner #maze runner x reader #gladders #minho #minho maze runner #minho imagine #minho x reader #thomas x reader #thomas imagine #dylan o'brian imagine #dylan o'brien

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polyamorous-mysme · 4 years

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What's your opinion on Jimin and V? They both infuriate me because of the way they handled things in the routes. I think Jimin gets a little bit better at the end of his route, but V doesn't seem too. He doesn't tell Saeyoung about his brother, just shows up one day Saeran in tow and is just like 'I'm back'. Even if Saeran didn't want to go back yet, he could at least told Saeyoung what was going on.

tbh most of my opinions on every mm character is that you just have to completely disregard how Normal ppl would act given that the plots of mm are so wild and unbelievable. on the other had though i get why people have qualms w certain characters for how they handle the plot. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ eso si que es

But. as far as jumins route goes i think they just fucking did him dirty w it. with the second bad end/chats leading to it especially. I know it sounds weird to say given that it's his route but those few days are so fucking OOC for jumin. i mean I'll find my own ways to rationalize it bc it Can be rationalized if you care to, but not everyone will. because its fucking weird. not even the end itself but jumin leading up to it.

that being said i LIKE jumin and i like his route save for that. jumins hidden or has Had to hide his emotions and opinions his whole life. his father frequently brings new women in and out of his life, one of the only two people hes ever been able to trust has just committed suicide and he feels like he doesnt even Know either of them anymore, and then MC comes along getting him to open up making him Trust them again and hes worried something similar is going to happen. yeah yeah cat ran away whatever but to ignore what its ACTUALLY about is impossible. rika was one one of the only people and the only Woman he really trusted wholeheartedly as an equal and shes dead the cat she gave him is missing and being overprotective of MC is his one way of gaining control again. if I couldn't rationalize that though it absolutely would have skeeved me out from the get-go, though. so im not surprised Or affronted by the fact that ppl find it irredeemable ig.

now V. V is an even weirder story. he clings to rika from the moment they first met because dont ask me why. i dont know why. is she supposed to remind him of his mother? weird. is he genuinely just that nice of a person? probably. and rika is fucked. rika is traumatized and has been since young childhood. she suffers from what someone who doesnt experience delusions thinks delusions are or how they feel. whatever. and V loves her So Much that if she wont GET help he wont force her so hes going to do whatever He can to help her. until it goes really fucking wrong.

and let's all just be honest and say everything about seven and saeran and especially their backstory doesnt make sense. it ABSOLUTELY hinges on suspension of disbelief. but there are some aspects that do make sense. the stronger older brother in an abusive household is trying to keep himself And his sickly younger brother safe and sane. stumbles across v and rika and we already know mm doesnt Quite take place in our world as we know it and i know fuck all about typical korean life and families so I couldnt tell you why they didnt report their home life to the authorities from the get go. also this whole thing doesnt fucking make sense bc seven and saeran look like MAYBE 10 at this point and V is only 5 years older than them max but him and rika have obviously been together for a while and are Adults here. doesnt track. timeline dont make sense. angway.

but the way I see it is rika had Already started to plot mint eye yadda yadda here and knew that if the boys were separated she could control seven publicly as the stronger twin in a way that makes it seem like they're helping and protecting them both, they just have to be separated. seven can roll w the loneliness and grief of having to leave his brother behind as long as it means hes safe. and w saeran, she can use that same grief and loneliness to manipulate him a different way. behind the scenes. create her perfect believer who will do Anything she says because she saved him, why shouldnt she save everyone else? and j think by the time V realized just how bad rikas mental state was it was too late to Fix it. but he loved her he loved the RFA and the RFA loved rika. he didnt want to taint or tarnish her image w the reality of who she is what shes been doing etc.

after that it's a series of unfortunate events and fucking stupid decisions v thinks hes making for the good and sanity of everyone else. hes given himself a "I'm not a hero i just Have to bear all this by myself forever and fix it alone with no help and save Everyone in the end" complex that sure is with great intentions but leads down a rabbit hole of hurt and fuckery that he cant fix. ever. and I think he was worried about telling seven about saeran because if he had he KNOWS seven would have gone after him alone. and he would have been hurt or killed or worse. he would have been. and V was still trying to save whoever he could. save rika and Hope he could save saeran? save saeran and Hope he could save rika? who knows. I dont. I think V had the BEST intentions. i do. i think he was just a bit of a Rudely untrusting dumbass carrying them out.

but that's what mm is. MC is the character that is meant to push the characters into healing from their fatal flaw. yoosung is slipping from success because up to that point hes hinged his entire future on his older cousin. zen. i dont remember. has to find a happy balance between shooting for the stars but not hiding himself or who he is while doing it? something gay like that. jaehee pushes herself too hard to be successful. to not be a burden. to be financially and socially stable and safe above her own happiness. jumin is cold and untrusting and hides himself because the last time he wasnt/didnt, he got Hurt. seven is the same gay shit as jumin and zen with the added bonus of needing to learn that mc can make their own decisions wrt danger. v needs to stop carrying the world on his shoulders. saeran . . . needs to heal. learn that his life is not intrinsically tied to the lives of others and he can still love people but be his Own person, whole and healed. whether or not you the individual player believe that by the end of the route theyve gotten their first real step in the right direction is up to you.

anyway stream room 206 ep by elah hale on spotify.

#not headcanons #onions have layers

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pedropascalssimp · 5 years

Text

●Part two ●

demon of the night

Summary: it's been a few days since the night Brian's car broke down, two days later he awakes with a sore neck, and a odd hunger. And angry

Warnings: mentions of blood and language. Angsty

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Its midnight when brian awakes, he yawns and opens his eyes looking around the dark room, his brows netting in confusion when he sees its pitch black dark outside, he hisses in pain as he feels a stinging in his neck, he brings a hand up lightly feeling the area, once the pad of his finger comes in contact with the area it stings, he hisses again at the painful feeling, he then scrambles out of bed and to a vanity with a mirror, when he looks in it he sees two red Mark's and a bruise. He panics and anger takes over him.

That's when he basically runs downstairs and towards the soft humming emitting from the kitchen, when he walks in he sees you standing there in a long red gown drinking something red, he would assume it was wine but it look thicker then wine would be, he stares at you for a moment, taking in the sight of you, you're absolutely gorgeous, he felt like he was hypnotized, the way your hair fell over your shoulders and your y/e/c eyes shining in the dim lighting, you're pure gorgeousness.

Then he realized he was supposed to be mad, and the anger returns, he stumped his way into the kitchen grabbing the attention of maximus who hisses at the man, you look up and smile at the man.

" what the fuck is this!." He points to his neck In a panicked angered voice, you only smile and turn around taking a drink from the mysterious red in the glass, he scoffs and looks to the floor with a tense jaw and clenched fists.

" why aren't you answering me and why are you smiling so damn much!." He almost begs as he looks back up at you, you smile again and look at him while leaning on the counter.

" well...its quite the long story and I'm sure you'd find it overwhelming so maybe you should take a seat." You say, he scoffs and let's out a noise that would resemble a whine. You motioned him to the sofa and he followed. As the two of you sit down you look toward him with eyes full of sympathy and love, and a soft kind smile. He couldn't help but to let his anger go as he looked at your beauty that seemed to wash it all away.

" to start it all off I'm not what you think i am...I'm a vampire an-." Before you could say anymore he cut you off.

" there! Not real!." He said with a raised voice, if Freddie, john or roger was hear they'd be shocked at the usually calm man raise his voice. You sigh at him.

" we are and I'm one so just listen." You say softly, but he doesn't and he stand up and paces, " how is that even possible! There these made up t-things! That people dress up as on Halloween!." He rambles, you sigh but stand up in a flash of an eye and grab his shoulders as your fangs come out, you hiss at the man and show him the fangs, his eyes go wide as he looks like he's about to fant, but thankfully he doesn't.

" sit down and listen to me!." You say in a demanding voice, he does so and stares at you with wide eyes still.

" I'm a vampire....have been for thousands years and." You say, still standing up looking at him with hard loving eyes. He gulps and let's out a shakey breath. " I didn't want to be one but it happened and I can't take it back...and I'm sorry...I'm so sorry what I did but I needed to...I had to.." you say with tears filling your eyes, he looks at you confused and you slowly get on your knees in front of him, looking at him with guilt.

" what did you do to me?..." he mumbles as he starts putting the puzzle pieces together. And quite honestly he's scared. A tear falls from your eye as you look at him.

" I had to do it...it's what was meant to happen." You say, he couldn't believe this...the anger he felt before was back and he moved you and stood up as he felt like punching something.

" you! Have basically ruined my life!." He yelled like a temperamental teenage girl, you stand up looking at him. " now! I'm this damn thing! When all I was supposed to be! Was a guitarist in my band!." He yelled, you look down and a whimper escapes your lips.

" I'm sorry...if I didn't turn you, you wouldn't ever live a life with someone you can love and trust! You would live a miserable life! And I would have died! Three days after I saw you!." You yelled back, he looked at you with anger filled eyes.

" you. are what made my life miserable..." he said and went upstairs, you cry and run a hand through your hair. He stumped upstairs and slammed the door. As he throws himself on the bed. He was beyond mad over being turned into a vampire. And know he's stranded in the middle of nowhere with a crazy woman....he feels this unbearable pain fill his chest when he thought about leaving you.

He groans in frustration at the whole situation. He just wished it was all a dream.

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You sit in the floor while staring at the red walls you've stared at for years upon years, you hated what you had done but its what was supposed to happen, you was told that by the very man who had turned you into what you are all those centuries ago...and you hated him, the only reason he turned you through was so the world could be populated by vampires. And That one man is who had taught you the ways of vampires and after he told you his plans you refused to populate the world with what you was, which you thought to be a a curse, so therefore making you be shunned and that's when you moved into this house in London....

You sigh and wipe away the tears and walk to the kitchen as you grab a glass full of blood you had fixed for brian, you sniffle and walk upstairs knocking on his door, you hear him mumbling something before he yells at you.

" please! Go away!." He yelled, you sigh and refuse, he needs this blood and he will take it even if you have to force it down his throat.

" you need to eat bri or you'll get sick!." You say, he yanks the door open ready to give you a peice of his mind, that is until the smell of blood blesses his nostrils. He looks down at it and cant help but to lick his lips. You hand it to him and he instantly gulps it down, as he downs the whole thing a few drips fall from the corner of those beautiful lips you found yourself craving.

" why does this taste so fucking good?." He whines while screwing his eyes shut, you sigh and look at his pure beauty.

" because it's the only thing you can eat now...its what vampires feed off of..." you tell him softly, he groans and looks up at you with hatred and sad eyes, the beautiful honey brown eyes staring into your own y/e/c ones,

" I want to leave y/n...I want be as far from you and this place as possible...please." he begs you, you sigh and a pain stings your chest as if someone was sticking needles in it,

" its easier said then done brian...its impossible!." You say with a shaky panicky voice, " neither of us would live for long....we will die without each other." You explained truthfully, but he didn't believe you.

" that's bullshit I'm leaving even if I have to walk 20 fucking miles." He said, you stand there staring at him with pleading eyes, but you wouldn't force him to stay....he would feel the pain after being gone for a day...then he would have to come back...so you step aside and let him out of the room.

" the phone is fixed..." you say quietly as you follow him. He nods and walks to it dialing John's number once more, after four rings he picks up with a sleepy voice.

" hello?." He said, brian smiles and let's out a shakey breath, " thank God john...my car broke down and I have no idea where the hell I am and I really need you to pick me up as soon as possible." He explained, over the line brian can here john sit up.

" jesus bri where the hell have you been?." Asks john, brian looks over towards you for the address, you sigh and tell him.

" well theres this woman who let me stay with her for a few days...she leaves pretty far out and her phone didn't work until know...the address is Epping new road, in loughton." Brian sighs out, john groans.

" its 1am Brian and that's quite the drive." John complained, " for goodness sake john please...the womans mad." Brian whispers into the phone but you hear it.

" okay I'll be there but just warning you now...Freddie is absolutely mad about you missing a few days in the studio...as well as roger." He warned the man, brian sighs.

" just get here as fast as possible." And with that he hangs up. You look at him with crossed arms and a frown.

" I can't stop you from leaving...so I might as well give you the warnings that come along with being a vampire..." you tell him. He sits down and closes his eyes.

" you cant sit in the sun for long or you'll basically get extremely sick make sure you always wear sunglasses if you do." You say as he nods, his head thrown back as he rests his eyes. " and always make sure to eat blood and blood only, if you eat food you'll regret it..." you add.

" anything else?." He snaps at you. Your heart breaks at the tune of voice he uses with you.

" if your gone longer then three days from your mate then you'll die from a unbearable pain that will slowly kill you." You explained, he scoffs with a laugh.

" how lovely y/n I'm so thrilled you have turned this curse on me! I couldn't ever live my whole life without it." He sarcastically praises you, a tear falls from your eye as you stare at him.

" fuck you brian." You whisper as you turn around and stump up the stairs, " no! Fuck you y/n!." He yells, you slam the door to your room shut and let a sub out.

You knew he would be upset about the whole thing but you couldn't stand hearing the way he talks to you...the tune of voice he uses as if he hated your guts...and he does...but over time he would love you, that you was sure of. But at the moment he felt everything but love for you, and that was painful.

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It's been four hours as brian sit on the sofa silently crying, why he didn't know but he was beyond happy when he heard the sound of a car pull up outside, he jumps up with a smile as he wipes his tears away, before john could knock on the door brian swings it open and hugs the man, john stands there shocked but hugs back.

" thank god! Your a life saver john!." Brian crys in joy upon seeing his friend. John looks at Brian worried.

" just how crazy is this woman!?." He asks concerned, and that's when she walks downstairs with a small smile.

John looks at her with wide eyes. She was stunningly beautiful. " she looks really hot for a mad woman." He mumbles to brian, he only scoffs. " let's just go." Brian said, and so john waves bye and walks out, before brian could you stare at him and say his name. He turns to look at you.

" you'll regret it brian...and I'll be waiting here when you come back." You say, he scoffs and slams the door shut leaving you to cry as the pain hit you slowly. Starting off with little pain bit you knew it would build up to something unbearable.

And you sit there on the stairs as tears race down your cheeks.

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silviasutton1989 · 6 years

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T.T.K Chapter 10 “Resolved”

A/N: Hey guys...so this was supposed to be posted Thursday but life happened. I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far. Also I am posting some mood music to go with this chapter feel free to play it at the beginning or end. I love you guys!

Rating: NSFW (not that bad but jut to be sure sexual content and course language)

Word Count: 2200~

Summary: Someone sets Apple wood Manor ablaze...who?

Catch up: Chapter 1 1.2 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 9.2 9.25

A figure walks through the field of the apple orchard. He takes his time carefully dousing each tree with gasoline. He has been working on this for hours determined that his plan is fool proof. And it will be. Before spraying the final tree he plucks the biggest apple.

The camera is steady, and so is he as he sits in the designated spot, a lighter in one hand and what will be the very last Cordonian Ruby in the other. He has chosen each word to say. Making sure they are clear over his mask.

"I do this in initiation of The True Kings. Cordonia, my people King Liam will fail us just as his father has. We must turn to our true refuge. This fruit use to be a symbol of our pride; of the bonds that we hold together. Somewhere that changed and now this is only a rouse. So I employ you citizens join us or..." He flicks the lighter and drops it onto the dampened ground. In seconds the fire spreads, building its own carpet of flames, reaching up to the branches, and then very first tree is engulfed in flames.

He walks behind the camera making sure to focus in on the bright red fruit shriveling like flesh against the fire . He stops the recording walking into the darkness. The scent of the burning apples reminded him of how his mother baked her famous apple pie. He takes a bite of the only apple left. The bitter taste causing him to look at the fruit only to see a worm slithering out of it's core.

Liam had been laying in his bed for at least 20 minutes. He focused on the swirls in the marble ceiling above him. Opting to think on that than whatever in the hell happened last night.

Eyes.

That's all he could remember from last night. The look in Drake's eyes last night were not of anger they were hurt. He hurt his best friend...his brother. Why?

Because you are just like your father!

Isaac... those were eyes of anger. In all honesty it never even occurred to him to give him the duchy back. Riley needed to be a noble...she NEEDED to be just in case...

Liam's cell phone rings on the nightstand. He turns over hoping the matter on the other end of that line could wait 5 more minutes. He needed to wrap his head around the night.

Olivia....that look in her eyes when he kissed her....god why did he do that? Was it to compete with Isaac or... No the only explanation for that kiss was too much alcohol....Right?

The tap on the door springs Liam to life. Bastien enters without waiting for permission.

"Your Highness we have an important matter you must get dressed immediately"

"Is everything ok? What happened? Is it my father?"

The look in Bastian's eyes were grim giving Liam chills.

"It's Apple wood Manor, Sire. Everything...is gone"

Olivia had heard the news the same as all the other nobles on the unity tour. She sat in the dining hall--alone as usual--flicking at her fruit plate. Her phone buzzed simultaneously to everyone else's.

"Oh my god!!!" she heard someone say.

"They are going to kill us all!"

"I'm going back home."

The noble's all made a rush out the dining room as Olivia checks her phone. It was the Cordonian Times News Alert. A video pops up. A man in a mask...that mask, stands before the camera. She watches as he drops the lighter and the flames run through the field. She saw the beautiful apples crumble like paper and the fall to the depths of fire below.

She could feel nothing but her heartbeat. Tears well up into her eyes, Olivia lets them fall since the room is now empty, giving herself exactly 1 minute and 35 seconds to wallow in her emotions, then she wipes them all away. Her heels click against the marble floor in haste, she can fix this, for Cordonia ...for Liam.

The hallway of the noble's sleeping quarters was in utter chaos. Men and women pulling out their half packed luggage calling for their limos to pick them up immediately.

"Cowards! All of you are a bunch of cowards!" She yells hardly noticing that they all stop at her alarming tone. "You would leave Li-- your king knowing that he would never leave you all. You are pitiful...and you don't deserve him" She scoffs at the guilt stricken crowd, entering her room letting the sound of her door slam be her final remarks.

Olivia rushes to her closet in search for the best suit determined to look strong when she stands behind her king even if she is the only one behind him. Her thoughts cloud her judgment and doesn't notice the figure in the dark corner of her room.

"You look beautiful, you don't need to change, Cherry."

Olivia turns to see Isaac his hands in his hair. He has drawn the blinds making it difficult to see him but his shadow still reveals his tired body splayed over her chair.

"Rough night?" Not give him time to answer as she searches through her clothes."The True Kings burned down the apple orchards... it's all over the news. Liam's going to have a press conference you need to get dressed. God you smell like you slept on the floor of a bar." And something else even from a distance she can clearly smell something else.

Isaac stands and walks over to her. He takes the hanger out of her hands tossing the suit onto the floor.

"Do you remeber your 21st birthday? We went to every bar in a 20 mile radius of the university." He chuckles just thinking about that night.

"Yeah we spent the night watching the stars."

"That's not all we did." His hands snake around her waist, like instinct she wraps hers around his neck. His eyes are bloodshot, she wanted to mention the blonde he was with last night but, as his lips meet hers his scent is even stronger and the thought faded. His hands grip her tightly, slowly bunching up the skirt of her dress. He always knew how to make her shiver with just a touch...just a kiss.

"Isaac...we have to go...I have to help...AHH!" He bites down on her neck lifting her by her thighs holding her up against the nearest wall. She melts in his arms. Her fingers tangle through his hair, her mouth permanently agape as he grinds his hips into hers his length, even through their clothes, becomes more and more evident with each thrust.

He was wasting no time, his blazer from the night before lays on top of her pants suit on the floor. His hands runs to the back of her dress quickly unzipping it. She wants him , always has but...That smell. What was that smell? She knew way before she allowed herself to form the words.

Gasoline.

With every bit of strength she has she pushes her first love off of her.

"You did it. Didn't you?"

At first he tries to play it off. To laugh at her accusation. But couldn't form the words to lie and begins to pace the floor, hands tangled in his hair, rage growing with every step he takes.

"He thought it was resolved Liv...RESOLVED! He doesn't deserve that crown. And he doesn't deserve you!"

Like a blow to her chest the words send her to the floor.

He did this. Issac did this. How do I fix this? Why can't I EVER fix him?

But before he could help her she is back on her feet. "Don't you touch me. All this time? All this time! I thought you were going to help me find Boss.. and you just joined ---"

"We've been looking for that damn estate almost 2 months now. Has it even accrued to you that maybe Boss isn't one of the nobles that fled after the attacks...Boss could be one of the ones that is on this tour. Meaning.."

"Meaning we would have no reason to go to their estate." Isaac nods as she finishes his sentence. She needed to sit down, she needed a second to think, to make a plan to figure out what the hell should she do next. But Isaac grabs her hand pulling her from her thoughts.

"Come with me."

"W..what?"

"Come with me. we can find Boss make the bastard pay for taking you then..." He trails off his mouth opens but no sound.

"But what Isaac? Runaway with you... live with you? You are a True King now right? Liam's going to find out you did this and you want me to run off with you leave my country my duchy? For what? For you?"

"Liv."

"Get out of here before I call the gaurds."

He backs away from her, her eyes filed with disgust as she holds her unzipped dress up to cover her chest. Picking up his jacket from the floor he walks to the door. But before he opens it he has to say it. To say the words that he has never said to her ever, the words he should have told her years ago.

"Olivia, I lov--"

"I hate you Isaac with ever fiber of my being get the hell out!"

The door closes behind him. She wants to cry to scream into a pillow, but she can't. No she gave herself 1 minute and 35 seconds to cry in the dining hall. Now she has to fix this, to support Liam, to forget about Isaac.

(Link)

The ride to Apple wood Manor was the grimiest 20 minute drive of Olivia's life. As if on their way to a funeral no on spoke, even Maxwell sat in stunned silence his mouth covered by his hands. Many of the nobles had already fled back to their homes, only a few remained to help and support their king.

"Come on guys, it's going to be ok. We are almost there and everything looks fine. the damage cant be that bad." Riley holds Drake's hand. Her friends look to her with hopeful eyes. But that hope is dashed only seconds later, when the smell of smoke and burnt wood fills the limo. The beautiful green leaves sway in the wind, soon turns to gray barren branches charred from the fire.

"Oh my god!"

She believes the words came from Madeline but she can't be sure. Olivia keeps her head tillted toward the window, hoping that no one could see the tears falling from her checks.

The limo stops and everyone climbs out, all but Olivia, she can't move she cant see what Isaac had done...not yet.

Riley extends her hand out to her friend. "come on Olivia. We can do this together."

"I just...I just need a moment. Go. The press are here to see you. Give them hell!"

Olivia listens from the car. Liam and Riley give an inspiring speech one that the crowd and press rally around. Leaving the car, she makes her way to the front of the crowd and watches the two plant the first sapling.

With the last bit of dirt placed over the roots Riley looks into the crowd. Cameras flashing in her face her friends and the citizens all looking to her for encouragement..for happiness. All but two. There were two people focused on each other as they conversed: Drake and Kiara

"This first tree symbolizes.... Cordonia's commitment to keeping the doctor away!" Riley can see Maxwell snicker at the joke but no one else makes a sound.

"What did she just say?" a citizen asks

"She just made a joke on the worst day of our lives!" another cries.

"Do you think this is a joke? Our children starving amuses you?" another yells

"No I um...I was just trying to lighten the mood a little."

"Lighten the...who the hell do you think you are lady? This is our lively hood!"

"I'm sure Duchess Riley only meant to..." Liam tries to intercede but the crowd was restless.

She didn't know what spured her to move. But there she was snatching the shovel out of Riley's hand taking the microphone from Liam confronting the agitated crowd.

"I know you are angry, we are too. I stand here before you vowing that we will have vengeance to the vermin who dared to destroy our rubies!"

"Yeah!" the crowd shouts, their cheers strengthen her nerves. She plants her feet firmly into the ground her voice grows more clear and resilient.

"People of Cordonia I promise you that this failed attempt to hurt us will only strengthen our unity. Lythikos has food and supplies currently in route and able bodies to help replant every sapling. You will not grow hungry, your family and lively hood will not suffer. Not today, not with your king here to defend you from those terrorists. This matter will be resolved...with interest!"

"All Hail King Liam! God save the King!" The crowd cheers. Olivia finally exhales. Liam thinking that her speech is over reaches for the microphone but she pulls back from him

"And one more thing, to the man---men that did this. You think you can fear my people into joining with you? Well know this you are dead wrong. Emphasis on dead! You can run You can hide but you messed with the wrong country. And we ARE coming for you! And may God have mercy on your souls"

The crowd erupts in cheers.

The press take photos of the two: Liam and Olivia. Olivia lifts the shovel into the air as Liam takes her other hand, looking at the woman beside him in a whole new light.

Let me know what you guys think in the comments below!!

Tag List: Ok so I do not want to upset anyone so I’m going to put this with the tags every time. If you want to be on the tag list permanently (this one is randomly selected with some permanent in as well) let me know. If you DO NOT want to be tagged ever just send me a message I will not be upset.

@walkerismychoice@darley1101@speedyoperarascalparty@mfackenthal @jadedpixiescribbles@boneandfur @andy-loves-corgis @blackcatkita @missevabean@snyggflicka@stopforamoment @agent-zephyrkah @endlessly-searching-for-you @indiacater @choiceswreckedme @tmarie82@liam-rhys @viktoriapetit@alicars @jlouise88 @mrsdrakewalkerblog@walkerisbae@butindeed @greyeyedsmile14 @barbaravalentino @mymandrake @client327 @confessionsofabrokegirl

#the royal romance #trr olivia #choices fanfiction #the true kings #chapter 10 #trr liam

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eternallybroken7604-blog · 6 years

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We have been up for 2 days. I accepted years ago that this has to be part of my life. He's a package deal. But I am so tired. I do it with him. Idk y. I don't enjoy it most times. But I'm also afraid and to sleep while he's up. I learned not to the hard way.... A part of me wants my life back. My before life. But I know it will be the fight of my life. And I'm not ready. I sometimes tell myself that this was God's plan. I believe that each of us have at least one person that they are mentally to impact in some way and set in motion a positive path. Or bring a lost soul to God. God made me strong and brought me this man. He had to put me thru it to equip me to be wha this man needs. Maybe I'm the only one capable of sticking this journey out with him and bringing him out other side with me. That's why my addiction is so odd. My husband gets locked up from time to time, and when he's gone, I don't do any dope, I smoke my weed. But with the dope, he does my shots, from start to finish. He twirls the bowl. I don't want to know how. I tried once, he got arrested at the end of an 8 month horrendous, traumatizing bender. Suddenly my person is gone and I've been up for weeks. I tried to do it myself. I had the audacity to tell him about it at visitation, because he has always hated doing my shots. He feels enough guilt over where my life is and where it was. He's scared that bnb if I die, he will go to prison. So I always take sure my prints are on it too. He's not ready to even see that he needs to change. I can see that it weighs on him sometimes. And he will want to do better. But then he has no way to stop the guilt, the pain, self hatred. The high and associated relief are his constant and a very erratic life. I'm aware of all this and more. I'm aware I could be completely wrong and he really is just a piece of shit junkiethat destroy a family by joining it. I can't even fault him for that. My kids adored him. And he them. He had a family finally. He was know where near ready to be a step dad. But he gave it an honest try. Then again maybe I just rrwa lly ne ed there to be a greater purpose beh9nd all this, losing my babies, my self respect, my family. Everything.

I can't hate him for being selfish and out for number one, it's all his life has really ever been. I can see what drives everything about h, I study him cause I have never met someone that level of addicted. I cant explain why his thought processes fascinate me, I have to study them til I understand them. Which is hard to do because it's so complex and I'm juggling moneyissues, homelessness, the hustle, him in general, and the dope. The more I learn him, the more pity I feel and I cant leave. I love him to a fault, but I am not ready to abandon him to his demons. He won't survive it with any sort of sanity. He would argue with me on that but it's the one thing I believe with no doubt, he does need me. I think he knows it deep down. He knows I'm 100% on his side. Even if he dont like how at times. He knows I'm real. Even if he tells u I'm not. It's like his pride and years of telling me in so inferior refuse to allow him to recognize anyachievements, no matter the size. I know this but I forget every time we fight, cause it's his defense mechanism with me, it's about the only thing that works. He will reach I to the depths of cruelty and verbally destroy me. He knows what hurts me too. He has left scars that will never go away. I will never forget his eyes and voices and the feeling of my own pain at things he has said. My first husband beat me, that's not how u hurt me. The act of being able to hurt me, that really hurts. My now husband has gotten physical a few times. I cant hate him for it long because I see how much he hates himself for it. But that pride tho, he wont apologize verbally, but he will show me best he can that he's sorry. He knows I deserve better. He went thru a phase where all the blame was put on me for not leaving when it first started, woth the dope and us losing the kids. I tell myself I pushed him too far. It's no excuse I know. But I know how much weighs on him daily, and when substances are u introduced, well I am the embodiment of a large portion of his pain and stress and guilt. I forgive him because I know he's not mentally able to deal with all that and day to day life without help. To stubborn to ever agree with me but I just k ow I'm right. Cant explain that but it's never led me wrong. I shoulder as much as he will let me. And getting high and drunk and my mouth can sometimes push him too far, exacerbates things.

I knew he was a 'recovering' addict when we met. But he only smoked weed when I met him. I thought all that was his past. I didn't mind weed. I didn't personally smoke when we met. I was a divorced mom to 3. We were all finally happy and stable after my horror of an ex-husband. Idk y I fell in love with this man. But I did. He was my first serious relationship in the 2 years since. I never even missed sex, I wasn't lonely. I didn't miss that kind of love until...I was reminded.

8 mos later, we have a place together with my kids. Then a neighbor moved and offered my husband dope. He hid it for a little bit. But I picked up on his different behaviors and made him tell me. Then I wanted to smoke some too. I'd heard of Meth. But I grew up very sheltered by a pill head. I didnt know that when this gorgeous man told me he used to be an addict that he meant thousands of dollars and many hears of hardcore IV drug use. Herion, bar salts. His drug of choice was simply, more. He named his addiction Maria. He needed that relief so badly that once he discovered its power to 'fix' things, he personified his addiction. Maria has been his stability. Shes lways there when everyone else let's him dow. I can understand the desire not to feel. So badly u wanna die. But I was raised different. U can be weak, but dont stay weak. .

But by the time I realized that he didn't recover from his addictions, he fled his former home state and had no access to those things here. He was big on the run big ti.e qhen we met. Hes a hardened city boy. I'm a small town countrygirl. He let me smoke with him. A week later, hes got a needle. I have never seen a pill snorted. I wanted him to let watch him and he did. Seeing the man I love so in thrall to drugs, it broke my heart for him. Women pray to God to see a man look at them with that look. His addiction borders worship. As I write this we are also high with a few friends, he just finished fixing his shot and has decided to ask them to film him. I cant keep going. Thats bothers.me and ill to tore up now to try to figure out my feelings. So I'll wrap this up. My emotions are going every where and I really hate him like this. I hope he watches his video and hates himself. I love him and wint leave him to feel all that guiltalone, that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to feel most of it. God knows I feel my fair share. I promise myself one thing, I will not live like this forever. I'll keep looking for my way out. I'll keep praying for strength to leave. Or for God to open his eyes. I know better than to preach too much at him. He usually shuts down as soon. as he realizes what I'm saying. But I still try. He doesn't know it yet, cause he has never felt it before, but I love him enough for this. I will win this fight. Even if he hates.me in the end. (Forgove any typos, I'm intoxicated and when I get adamant about a topic, I type too fast)

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